9 comments/ 21778 views/ 3 favorites Dear John By: SinsiousSiren February 14, 2010 Dear John, I am writing you this letter to know how much I have adored you and how attracted to you I have become over the years that I have known you. I have watched you grow into the fine young man you are, and have been infatuated with you for a very long time. I was going to wait until your high school graduation to give this to you, but after our conversation the other night at you 18th birthday dinner, I cannot. Everything that you said to me has brought my feelings to an overwhelming extent, and I don't want to hold them back any longer. You told me how much you trusted me and respected me because I didn't treat you like anyone else in your life. You appreciated the fact that I treated you as an equal and not some kid just needing to blow off some steam, only to mock your feelings. You liked the fact that I listened unconditionally and gave you a chance to air your feelings without repercussions. Now, it's my turn. My darling John, I am in love with you, and I want to take you and give you the gift of a lifetime by showing you what I truly mean. Perhaps it would be a learning experience for us both, or a long awaited seduction on my part, but I want to show you my true feelings. I promise you that I will never hurt you; I only want to give you the love and passion that I have been holding back for so long, awaiting this moment in time when I can openly give you what I have always wanted to; myself, fully. However, I realize that even at eighteen, you are still young, and that does matter very much to me because I don't want you to be hurt, or afraid of what I wish to show you. I would love to show you what a mature woman has to share, and teach you what it is like to love a woman. If you should feel uncomfortable with my seduction of you, I promise, I will walk away from you knowing that I was honest with my feelings for you and that I told you everything about my hearts desires for you. I know I am not the only woman who has longed for the seduction of sex, or the long lovemaking sessions that come with age and experience, that is one of the things I wish to share with you; my experience. More than that, I want to feel your kiss, and guide you in the mastery of a woman: how to experience her, and not be afraid to open yourself or your heart to her and enjoy each other fully. I know that I will not be your only lover because I can not offer you everything you will seek in your life, but I want to show you how much I have to give you, not just sexually, but lovingly, emotionally, purely. You and I have always been very close, and what you said to me the other night at dinner touched my heart deeply. The strength of your hug when we left after our private conversation said more than your words could ever speak. Yet, you seduced me with your words and ways that I have long forgotten, and that encapsulated me all the more. How could I explain to you that I wanted you to follow me home and make love to me? Yet, today I can do exactly that, I can be with you without fear of any repercussions. I long to make love with you; show you the beautiful things we have talked about for so long, open myself to you as you open yourself to me in passionate ways we have only discussed openly with each other. When you held my hand and told me the reasons that you spent so much time with me, I couldn't believe my ears, but my heart was pounding so deeply in them, I wasn't sure what I was hearing. As I recall, your words were, "I love you, I have forever, but you are old enough to be my mother, and I am afraid to go any further with my emotions until I am sure." You paused, taking a deep breath and looked at me with so much affection in your eyes before you continued, "I only have one birthday wish, and that is to be with you. I'm not sure how things will work out, but if I can only have one present for my birthday, I want it to be making love to you." I was so taken aback by what you said to me, tears rolled down my cheeks, and I tightened my grip on your hand. You slid closer to me in the bench seat at the restaurant and held me. I noticed a few people looking at us, but it didn't bother me, and it didn't bother you either because you slipped a kiss to my lips and told me not to worry, things were going to work out between us now that we knew what we wanted with each other. So here I am my love, awaiting you on this night, this Valentines night, to show you how much I have to give you, how much I love you, how much I wish to be with you. I am waiting for the moment you take me and make me yours. I have fantasized about you for so long, watching you grow into the fine young man you are, the bold and strong person you have become. I long to have you touch me, caress me, take my womanly folds and claim them as your own, using the strength of your love to conquer the territory of my body you continue to seduce. I want to express my feelings with physical, sensual, and emotional contact. I want to touch you and seduce you, love you passionately, fully, and completely. You confessed your feelings for me, and I returned mine to you, but we were both in a position where we could not fully express them, now, we have the chance to do that, bask in the glory of our love for each other. I want to express to you my love totally, in any way that I can. I do not know how to express myself any more to you than the ways I know best, emotional, sexually, verbally, and on this written page...My sweet, sweet John, I do understand if you choose to walk away, leaving things as they are. I promise, I respect you and love you enough to understand if you make that choice.. I will Love, for always, Kristan *** A week after of not seeing him since the Saturday evening dinner we always had, I left the letter on the windshield of his truck, soon to receive a phone call from him to confirm our plans... "Hello?" I answered, hoping that it was him. His deep voice came from the other end, "Hello Kristan." "Hi John, did you get my letter?" "Yes, I did. I want you to know that I am very excited about our date. I do hope it is as pleasant as our last outing. I hope it is more." "I do also." I whispered. I knew he was home, and his mother was probably sitting within listening distance. She was very strict, a bible thumping type. I, on the other hand, believe in freedom of feelings and choices, not shoving things down your throat unless you are accepting of them. I think that was a big part of Johns attraction to me. "Shall I bring anything along?" "If you think you should, then yes. But no worries as far as conception, I took care of that ages ago." I laughed. "I'll pick you at seven then." He was very quiet for a moment and then whispered, "I can't wait until tonight, I know I will have the best gift any man could ever recieve." He paused, then softly spoke, "I love you." "I love you John." I whispered back, yet, I don't know why, because I was the only one in the room. At seven, he picked me up and we headed to the hotel. The dining room was most exquisite, and the crowd dining there that night was a mixture of hotel patrons and dinner guests. The elaborate meal they were serving for the holiday meal was over abundant in, what I like to call, Sexual Bliss, many libido-enhancing offerings on the menu for the evening meal. John and I sat close together and giggled and talked, he stole a kiss now and again, and held my hand, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, placed his hand on my leg, among other things. I was so happy to have his attention, I hardly ate. The champagne was wonderful as well, and we finished off our bottle at dinner, only to find another waiting for us in the room. I really don't think we needed it, because we both wanted to be with each other more than anything else. Yes, we were both nervous, and for good reason, but those were soon put at ease when he turned on the radio and took me in his arms. John is six foot six, and I stand about five-five, so looking up into his green-gray eyes and holding onto his stout frame was amazing as he slowly danced me around the suite. He brought my lips to meet his and it was amazingly soft and tender the way he kissed me. I expected some ravishing young horny man, but no, he was every bit as gentle as an experienced man who had been longing for companionship, and knew how to take his time and love his partner. I was in heaven. I had never felt so much love and passion in my lifetime; he took my breath away with every movement he made. "I have waited so long for this," he whispered as he drew his lips from mine. "I have too." I smiled back. "Let me show you how much I love you Kristan." "Yes," was all I could say. He picked me up and carried me to the bed, laying me softly down, and coming to lie beside me. His shirt was open and I could smell the strength of his body as he partially covered mine. His hands worked gently over my back, drawing me into him, and his body's natural movement encapsulated my own. It wasn't long before we lay there naked in each others arms, and he slipped between my legs, his manhood standing strong. I thought I was going to be the one in control, but when he found my wetness and pushed deep into my body, I knew I had lost, and didn't care. "You're so tight," he whispered as his body covered mine, his hands wrapping under my shoulders to draw us closer together. It was all I could do to breathe as he plunged into me, masterful strokes taking the full length of my wet tunnel. I felt myself melt into him, finding my hands caressing his back, feeling the taught muscles in his shoulders and further down as I let my hands wander for grip. Our rhythm was perfect, and I was coming before I realized it. If it wasn't for his lips overtaking mine, I think my moans would have echoed off the walls. I could hear my heart beating in my ears as he continued to pump in and out of my swollen wet walls. "Oh John, John," I could hear myself say to him, "I never, oh yes..." I could feel him tighten inside of me and his voice came softly against my neck as he kissed up to my lips, "I'm ready to come, tell me you want me to come inside of you, baby." I felt him tense, and knew even if I didn't say yes, he was going to explode deep into my pussy. "Yes, come, bind me to you, make me yours." I pleaded in gasping breaths. "Kristan, tonight, I make you mine." and with his words, he let loose a flood of heat into the depths of my body, heart and soul. *** John and I spent the rest of winter, all of spring, and summer together. He moved into my home and we shared our life with more joy than I had ever known in my past. He had chosen to join the Marines and when fall came, he left me for basic training, but what we shared for those nine months, was perfect, unconditional love. Before he left, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes. When he returned from boot camp on his temporary leave and before shipping out for his tour of duty, we were married, (on Valentines Day no less), and he went to war knowing that our love was a bond that no one could break. *** February 14, 2014 Dear John, I love you, and I miss you. I cherish what we have together, and I am glad that you are part of my life, more than you will ever know. I love you John. I will love you always. Your wife, Kristen I knelt before his grave, my hands shaking as I placed the note in the urn that sat before his headstone, holding onto the flowers just a moment longer before putting them inside there as well. "Thank you for loving me the way you do, I will always love you John." Dear John I could see the hate in their eyes as I made my way across the room to the podium. I felt my flesh being ripped from my body as I was shot, stabbed and probably hung out to dry even before I made it there. I'd had tears in my eyes for the last five days and at this point really didn't give a shit what they thought anymore. As I stood there I could feel beads of sweat running down my back, my stomach was nothing but one huge knot, and no matter how many times I wiped my hands, they stayed wet and clammy. I guess someone had turned off the mike because my words came out just above a whisper. A flick of a black switch on the mike made all the difference. I took one more look at the crowd and pulled out five neatly folded pieces of paper out of my inner jacket pocket and began. "I guess most of you know me and are probably wondering what the hell I'm doing here today? Well to tell you the truth I'm not sure myself only that I was asked by Reverend Thomas to say a few words today." Two people in about the fourth row shook their heads, stood up and walked out as everyone watched. "If there is anyone else who wants to leave please do it now so I can get through what I'm about to say without any further interruptions." I heard a few people say something under their breath but no one else left. I guess everyone, including my family, was wondering what I was going to say next. I'd thought about it since yesterday and even though I'd told Reverend Thomas I would, I had only written two sentences down at the bottom of the last piece of paper. "I'd like to read a letter I received a couple of days ago and I'd appreciate it if you'd let me finish without any interruptions." I took out a pair of reading glasses and put them on. I didn't normally need them, but my eyes were tired and I didn't want to make any mistakes. Taking a deep breath I started. Dear John, If you're reading this, it means I finally got up enough courage to do what I should have done months earlier. I know you've heard me say it a thousand times before, but I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't excuse what I did; it's just that, that's about all I have left in me. If it was possible I'd go back and redo what I did and we could go back to being the happy couple we once were but that's never going to happen is it? Do you remember our third date when I told you that I was going to be your wife and that you no longer had any say in the matter? You laughed, I laughed and you said that I guess we should start planning our wedding and a month later that's exactly what we did. God, I loved you. Every time I thought about you I would get that warm feeling deep inside and couldn't wait until I was back in your arms again. When I said 'I do' that day I meant it heart and soul. We were going to be together until death us do part, I really believed that and I believe it even now. Those first few years were better than I could ever have imagined. Besides being at work, I don't think we were ever out of arms reach from one another. We laughed when people told us to get a room or when they said we made them sick with our lovey dovey talk, but it wasn't an act, we loved each other just that much; well we did anyway. When I told you I was pregnant I thought you were going to bust a gut. When you finally stopped kissing me and swinging me around we just looked at each other and knew what would come next. When we spent the next twelve hours in bed; I didn't think we could ever get any closer but I was wrong. When Philip was born it was second happiest day of my life. He was so beautiful and we were the family I'd always dreamed about. I guess to this day I don't really understand what happened. All I remember was Philip started to turn blue and I was screaming for someone to help me. I tried to follow them when the nurse took him away but they would let me. I screamed and yelled until someone finally gave me a shot of something. John, I didn't do anything wrong, you have to believe that. I was breast-feeding him one minute and the next he was turning blue. I don't remember much after that until I woke up and saw you next to my bed. I guessed by the look on your face what had happened. God, you were brave. You tried to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and I guess I never thought how much you were hurting too. The only thing I could think about was my baby was gone. I cursed God, you and everyone else who tried to get close to me. I never meant to lash out at you, I just didn't know what to do; I was hurting so badly. I was going to kill the next one who said that I could always have another; I didn't want another one, I wanted Philip. He wasn't a puppy or kitten where you could go to the store and replace him. He'd lived inside of me for nine months, he was my child and when he died a piece of me died. As I said John, I never even thought about what you must have been going through. I guess I pounded in the first wedge in our relationship. Even though you were an angel I still lashed out at you repeatedly especially when you suggested that I should maybe talk to someone. I can remember swearing at you that night, telling you that I didn't need anyone to tell me Philip was dead, I all ready knew that. When I went back to work everyone was nice but no one knew what to say. No one there had ever lost a child so they couldn't imagine what I was feeling. My boss Jim made sure I was always busy so at least I wouldn't have to dwell on what I was feeling all day at work. It seems after a couple of weeks everyone except Kathy and Beth stayed away from me. I heard what they called me under their breath and at first I felt bad but soon I no longer cared. You saw it why didn't I? Maybe I did, but just didn't want to believe it. John, he was my boss for Christ's sakes; I never would have dreamed what he had in mind for me. We would talk. He would ask me how I was doing and I thought he was genuinely interested in how I was doing. Sometimes we talked for hours about what I was feeling and I never once realized he was slipping in another wedge in between us. When he said that you should have been more responsive to my needs I believed him. When I told him about lashing out at you, he said he fully understood and supported me unlike you. When we started going out to lunch and you found out you were upset. I told you that there was nothing going on and that you had no reason to be jealous of Jim. I guess those two company dinners I didn't tell you about were only the tip of the iceberg. I considered Jim a close friend and you saw him for the predator he was. He kept apologizing over and over again after he kissed me the first time. He just said he'd felt so close to me that it was almost a natural reaction. I told him not to worry about it and when I touched his arm he knew it was only a matter of time. John, if I'd known what he was planning I would have quit my job in a heartbeat. I only thought of him as a good friend never as a lover. You were my only lover, but I guess I'd kind of pushed you aside even in that respect. When you told me that it had been three months since we'd made love I called you a liar. I didn't know how long it had been but it couldn't have been that long. I'm sure I hurt you deeply when I yelled at you and said I needed more time to mourn my child before trying to make another one. I'm so sorry for those hurtful things I said to you. I didn't mean any of them. I think it was a combination of anger and frustration of not knowing what to do that made me say those things. I'm so sorry. As I said before I must have said those words a thousand times in the last few months. I'm not sure who told you about the company dinner that night. I'd brought a change of clothes to work so I wouldn't have to come home and change. I don't know why I didn't let you know about it? You were invited I just felt like I needed a night away from you, even though we'd had too many of those already. Jim made sure my glass was never empty and even though I could say it was the alcohol; it wasn't. We hadn't been together for a long time and when Jim danced with me I could feel him against my leg. As God is my witness, I never knew he booked a room at the hotel. I was pretty drunk when we went upstairs. If I'd known you were downstairs looking for me I never would have even gone upstairs with him much less let him do what he did. I suppose my good friends ratted me out and with the hotel manager in tow you walked into the room. I can't even imagine what went through your mind at that exact moment but the look in your eyes said it all. I wish now you would have at least screamed or yelled at me but I guess you were too surprised and hurt. You left before I could explain but what was there to explain. When I finally got home every word you spoke to me was like a sharp rock hitting my flesh, laying it wide open as the blood gushed out. When you asked why all I could do was cry. You never said I told you so you just threw another handful of salt into each wound and watched me scream. When you left the next morning I thought I was going to die. I never made it into work on Friday or even called in. I spent the weekend in bed feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure a way out of this. I couldn't lie to you, you'd seen it first hand but I thought maybe you'd forgive me this one time; but you didn't. I guess I'd driven you away all these last months and you had no more forgiveness left in you. When you wouldn't talk to me I sent over mom; mom could fix anything but not this. When she saw me she just shook her head and said she was sorry. If she was sorry, what was I? Two weeks later I got the papers but I didn't care anymore. I don't know where I put them but it didn't make any difference, I'd lost you. You never answered any of my calls or e-mails over the next two months and although I worked I wasn't much good anymore. The day I found out I was pregnant was the worst one of my life. I knew it wasn't yours and the thought of carrying Jim's bastard child made me sick for days. Mom took me to the doctor and he told me I'd have to take better care of myself, after all I was going to be a mother. I got sick right there in his office. I understand your lawyer got a huge settlement from Jim and the company I used to work for. When everything came to light we were both let go and were told not to use them as a reference. Jim was angry and blamed me for everything. When I told him I was pregnant he laughed and asked how many other guys I was screwing around with. John, I needed you more at that moment than I'd needed anyone else in my entire life. You were my knight in shinning armor. You were supposed to take care of me; you were supposed to save me. I tried so many times to call you but you never answered; I guess I didn't really expect you to. You were done and so was I. John, I love you more than I love myself and I've prayed to God every day that you could find it in your heart to forgive me. I stood outside your work place yesterday. I just wanted to see your smiling face once more; God I love you so much and it hurts so bad to think that I threw it all away. So the only thing I can say is that I'll always love you and that maybe one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope you will eventually find someone who can bring that beautiful smile back to your face and that you'll think about what we had once in a while. I know I'm babbling but I don't know how to end this because I don't want it to end. But, I guess it all ready has. My sweet and loving husband remembers always that I'll always treasure what we had and even though you're not with me, you'll always be in my heart. Your wife always, Ashley I finally looked up and took off my glasses. How I read that last page I can't tell you because it along with everything was soaked with my tears. I looked around and the hate that had been there previously was gone and replaced with sorrow. I looked down at the casket below me and wept openly. I walked down the steps and up to the open casket and bent down and kissed my wife. I slipped on her finger the wedding ring she sent me with the letter and tucked the letter into the lining next to her. If she was lost what was I now? I wanted her back. "Honey, please wake up; all is forgiven babes, lets go home I've missed you so much," I whispered to her but she never answered me. I felt a small hand on my shoulder; it was her mom's. Through her own tears she told me that she always loved me and would live on inside of me. My dad helped me back to my seat as I watched them close the casket and my life. "I don't want to live without you; I can't go on without you," I sobbed as I watched them wheel the casket to the back of the church I never made it to the cemetery. I had buried our son and his mother was laid to rest right next to him. The two people who meant the most to me in the world were now gone. Dad drove me to my home. I hadn't been there in months. It looked lived in. It was cluttered, but there was no food in the house. I went upstairs, laid on what use to be our bed and put her pillow over my face. With my eyes closed it was almost like she was there with me as I inhaled her essence from the pillow. In the den there were a pile of crumbled up pieces of paper on the floor. Reading a few, they must have been the first drafts of her letter. I walked around and finally passed out on my old chair in the living room. In the morning I noticed the newspaper clipping. Her mother must have dropped it off a couple of days earlier. Ashley Moore twenty-nine was killed in a one-car accident at 11:30 A.M. on Tuesday. He car crashed through the railing on Cliff Road and ended up in the ravine one hundred and fifty feet below. She was pronounced dead at the scene. The police say that excessive speed was likely the reason and her death has been ruled an accident. It wasn't an accident and Ashley didn't die as a result of the crash. She died months before she got in her car that day and it was partly my fault. Why didn't I love her enough to forgive her and start over again? That is one question that has plagued me for the last five days and I still don't have an answer. Jim's wife divorced him and took him for everything he had. He lost his job, wife and everything he owned but he's still sucking air and still walking around free. I sold our house, as is. I never went back in there and her mom donated everything in the place to needy families in the church. I bought a condo not far from my parent's home and I've made it a point to watch out for them. Work is keeping me busy and everyone stops by to tell me how sorry he or she is for my loss. Ashley was right, no matter how many times you hear it; it doesn't make it any easier. Man beaten to death outside bar on north side, the news anchor said over the airwaves. They described how he was beaten so badly that he was unrecognizable. They had to use what was left of his dental work to identify the body. I shut the television off. "Old news," I said to myself as I sipped on another cold one. Ashley's mother was right, she did live on in my heart, but it just wasn't the same. Dear John Dear John, Could you really have no idea how incredibly sexy you are? Every cell screams "sensual" and makes my heart thunder and skin tingle. Just a touch and I start getting butterflies in my stomach and that little flutter deep inside. Your casual greeting makes my nipples hard and my mind starts to fantasize about all the things I could do to you... and you to me. Your sweetness and gentle ways are the perfect balance to your utterly masculine strength and physical presence. The boy in you keeps you from haughtiness and conceit, seeing the good in others. Life hasn't stolen your innocence and fun-loving spirit. The man in you knows the needs and pleasures to be discovered on this journey. He knows that desire is a dazzling flame that cannot easily be extinguished. How appealing to be the naughty seductress luring you to this forbidden encounter! It will be erotic and unforgettable. Oh, those lips so soft and full and kissable! I know they would burn me at first touch and quickly take over my senses. How long before your mouth would gain control and I would have no choice but to submit? No longer the predator, but now the prey as you savor each taste, sound, smell and touch. The wetness becomes unbearable and I'm struggling for self-control already. Dear God, the effort of restraining myself when all I want to do is devour you! Those powerful hands, generous enough to cup my breast, arousing taut nipples and sending electric currents to my very core. Long, lean fingers just waiting to explore me. I yearn to take them in my mouth, licking and sucking, whetting my appetite for further adventures. I would nibble and taste you, breathing in your scent and reveling in the man that you are... strong, warm, passionate ... daring to race my tongue along the nape of your neck, hot breath and lips nibbling at your ears and throat. Your nipples hard and erect, but only a distraction as my desire is much too powerful to stop there. The road map, a clear path down your belly to the manline peeking just above the rise of your jeans. Your heart thunders, knowing my intentions... not sure if this is pure pleasure ... or is it bittersweet pain? Do you have the courage to let me go further? Can you release your mind enough to explore the passion your body feels? Can I? I've watched your muscles as they ripple beneath your shirt. The lines from your hips instinctively draw me into the perfect form that you are. My thumbs caress and circle, kneading your sinewy cat-like thighs. I'm ravenous for your touch, starved now for your power and domination of my spirit. At last, doubts slip away as the candlelight flickers in your eyes and a lazy smile shapes those delectable lips. The intensity of your need rushes to match mine and I'm no longer the seductress. As a boy, you're unaccustomed to my eagerness. As a man, you harden at my touch and swiftly conquer me. You want this as much as I do. I'm so wet and aroused that all I can think of is holding you inside me. Not willing to rush, you declare lordship over my body. Your lips brand my jaw and throat, licking and nipping at my collar and shoulders. Your hands exquisitely stroke and caress my breasts and ribs until I purr, moaning and gasping for release. How can you have this power over me? Like my own personal brand of heroin, I feel I'll never get enough! Intense passion like this is only in books... for heroes and cowboys and damsels in distress! Your fingers slip inside as my breath catches. I can't hold back much longer, but still you tease and rub, pressing your manhood inside my thigh. I'm like a volcano and I need your fullness inside me to complete the eruption for us both. Quickly, you penetrate me as I take your full length and shudder again and again as you release with me. The pounding of our hearts is the only sound for a moment. I can't believe how amazing you are, or how mind-blowing making love to you has been. Even in fantasy I hadn't considered how compatible our needs would be or how easily our bodies would respond and answer one another. What's taboo outside these walls has been pure and good and healthy inside them. Satisfied yet wanting more, the night has just begun. As we lie side by side, you curl into me, gently stroking and caressing as we speak in whispering tones of everything and nothing at all. Part of the beauty of coming together this way is the ease and comfort we share. No awkwardness, no rush to escape, the natural companionship that made us friends to begin with is strong and intact. Though we can never be forever, I will do everything in my power not to lose that bond in spite of the inevitable changes between us. I want you again, but differently. Can I lead you just enough that you'll dominate me once again? I grab your hands, slowly fingering myself with you as my puppet. Pressing and rubbing my clit, I know you feel me respond as you take over control and my hands are no longer needed for touching myself. Casually I roll onto my belly and stretch like a cat after a warm afternoon nap. I want you from behind, my face pressed to the mattress and my hips high and on target for your whole manhood to fill me. You grab and lift my ass higher, still focusing on my button, knowing that's the key to my release. We've been so open and candid, there's little for you to guess about with all that we've shared over the years. Instinctively, you find the sweet spot and in moments I know I can't hold back any longer. As my juices flow and I shudder with the power of my orgasm, your rock me back and plunge inside completely. We both feel my spasms though I can barely concentrate yet. I work my muscles, pulling and pressing to envelope you, sucking you into the sweetness and warmth of my honey pot. I know you have amazing control but I want you to come so hard and fast that you cry out, calling me in desperate release. I want to feel your hot thick come, the evidence of your pleasure, flood my body, knowing I could bring you to such heights as you have brought me. You'll remember this night forever. You'll know my scent, the flavor of me, you'll crave my touch, hear the beating of my heart in our ear, you'll feel the heat of passion that we've shared. I'll remember you set me free. Dear John Dear John, You'll have to take my word for it when I start this letter by telling you that I never thought I'd be writing a 'Dear John' letter. I'd much rather talk face-to-face. But I feel like my reasons for leaving you are so embarrassing - for you - that it's easier this way. And hey, your name is actually John, so how else am I supposed to address this? So yes, you read that correctly: I'm leaving you. I didn't think it would come to this. When we first started dating, I thought I'd found my prince, my knight on a white horse. You are so handsome, so kind, so thoughtful. You can always make me laugh when I've had a bad day. You never fail to pamper me. We agree on all the important stuff in life, and enjoy most of the same activities. My friends and family all love you, they're always telling me how perfect you are for me. And I know your friends say the same about me. So what's wrong? Well, I've tried to show you, so many times. But you never seem to understand. And even when I come right out and tell you, it just seems to go over your head. Maybe a few examples will refresh your memory. Remember the time you came home from work to find me on my hands and knees in your kitchen, scrubbing the floor wearing nothing but an apron? What guy doesn't take me from behind right then and there? Well, you, apparently. You were the perfect gentleman, helping me to my feet, kissing me once, and telling me I didn't have to scrub your floor, I should put my feet up while you cook dinner for me. Really, John? Really? Remember a few weeks later, while we were having sex, and I told you what a naughty little girl I had been, and how I needed to be spanked? Not only didn't you indulge me, but you insisted on having a conversation later about how you didn't need me to act like that on your account, how you weren't one of those guys. Really? Did it ever occur to you that I really, truly wanted to be spanked? Don't get me wrong, John, you're not the worst lover a girl could have. Your touch is always gentle, and you never fail to let me cum before you do. But it's just not enough. To be honest, I don't know if you noticed or not that I've stopped trying to push the envelope. You don't seem to care either way, we just keep on our regular routine of sex every few days, the same old positions, the same old orgasms. You seem happy as ever. But I've been having an affair. No dinner-and-a-movie, no romantic evenings on the town. Just hot-as-hell, mind-blowing, naughty, dirty sex with someone who knows just how to push me out of my comfort zone, little by little, until I'm doing things I never thought I'd be kinky enough to try. And loving it. Do I have your attention? Good, it's time for you to learn, in excruciating detail, what you'll be missing after I'm gone, now that I've finally decided to leave you for him. Know how you always pull your cock out of my mouth as soon as it's hard, as if there's no purpose to a blow job beyond preparing you to fuck me? Well, John, there are guys out there who appreciate a good blow job. And girls like me who enjoy giving them. Like last night, when you were working late and he kept me company. I love how he walks into my apartment and pushes me to my knees right there by the door, wordlessly putting me to work. I love the feeling of his big, strong hand on my head, pulling me by the hair down onto his cock, pressing it deep into my throat until I gag, and then pounding in and out with a steady rhythm so that I have to struggle to catch a breath. I love the challenge of keeping my focus as my knees start to hurt, and marvelling at his stamina as my jaw starts to get tired. He keeps one hand on my hair, while his other hand reaches down to cup my perfect, perky breasts, pinching my nipples hard between his fingers to keep my attention. When I struggle beneath him, as if I want to get up off my knees, he pushes me down even lower, so that I have to work hard just to keep my lips around his shaft. When he finally gives in to his pleasure, I love how he covers me with his cum, shooting it all over my face and chest and then admiring his work as it drips from my chin to my tits to the floor. When that first drop hits the floor, he instructs me, calmly, to lick it up. If I offer even the hint of disobedience, there will be a penalty. Not that I mind, which is why I usually resist just enough to earn that penalty. This time, before bending down to lick his hot cum off the floor, I reach up to fix my hair, to let it down out of the messy ponytail he created while fucking my mouth with his cock. Just as my long red hair tumbles down around my shoulders, I look up to see his deep blue eyes glaring down into mine with disapproval. "Stand up. Follow me." His voice is warm, kind, like yours, John, but also firm. He doesn't talk to me like his princess. He talks to me like his cum-sucking slut. I follow him into the bedroom and obey his instructions, facing the bed and putting my forearms flat against the mattress, and am left only to listen and feel what happens next, since I can't see anything but the bed. I hear him removing his clothes. I feel his hands push up my skirt until the fabric is bunched around my waist, and with one smooth motion, he pulls my panties down so that I can step out of them and kick them aside. I long for him to enter me, but know I'll have to wait patiently before he will indulge me. I also know that I can't be sure of what will come next, he always keeps me guessing. A few moments of silence, then SMACK, my skin tingles and I gasp, trying to guess what object he used to slap my ass. Leather, I'm sure, although it could have been either his belt or a toy designed just for the purpose. After a few more swats, I'm able to identify the object just from its feel - it's a wonderful toy he introduced me to, a small dildo with fine leather straps attached. "Yes," I hissed, "please fuck me..." "Patience, a little patience, please." He sets the toy down on the bed next to me, just close enough that I could see it, and then embraced me from behind, his cock sliding between my legs, teasing my pussy lips, as he grabs one of my tits firmly in each hand and squeezed, hard. I gasp at the combination of pain and pleasure, my breasts aching but my pussy longing to be filled, as I press back into him, encouraging him, begging him with my body. He picks up the toy again, this time pushing it into my mouth. I lick and suck lustily, certain that it is in my best interest to lubricate the dildo, although not at all sure where he would use it next. Effortlessly, his cock slides into my eager pussy and he begins a gentle thrusting. We continue this delightful motion for a few minutes before he pulls the toy back out of my view, and with no warning, thrusts it into my ass. You see, John, there are dirty girls who enjoy anal, and I happen to be one of them. I cry out, once again relishing the combination of pleasure and pain that he so skillfully brings to our encounters. Once the toy is deep in my ass, he leaves it there, the leather strands of its handle draped across my back. He forces his cock into my pussy deeper and faster now, pushing me ever closer to an insanely intense orgasm. His hands reach around me again, enveloping me, and he strokes my clit with one while using the other to once again pinch my incredibly hard and sensitive nipples. This is more than I can handle, and after just a few moments, I scream out in ecstasy as a powerful orgasm courses through my entire body. He rides it out, keeping up the intensity of his thrusts, his pinches, his strokes, until I collapse beneath him, face first into the bed. He gently pulls the toy from my tight ass and tosses it aside, then rolls me over onto my back. I look up into his eyes as he plunges into me once again, his cock still rock hard and ready for more. He grabs my hips and pulls me into him, then grabs my legs and pulls them up, my ankles coming to rest on his shoulders. He holds here for a few moments, pressed deep into me, as his hands move over my chest, again teasing my nipples, first rolling them gently between his fingers, then gradually pinching and squeezing more intensely. "You really were a very bad girl, refusing to lick that cum off the floor. I think you deserve a little more punishment." "As you wish." He smiles, as he always does when I use his favorite three-word phrase. He begins thrusting in and out of my hot, wet pussy once again, as he reaches for another toy, this time the nipple clamps. When he first showed me this toy, I recognized the clamps but couldn't understand the purpose of the long attached chain. It hadn't taken him long to show me its purpose during one of our earlier encounters, and now I both longed for and dreaded a repeat performance. I took the clamps from him, positioning them on my nipples, and then handed him the chain, which he placed in his teeth. From this position, he was now able to create the most intense of sensations on my nipples with the slightest movement of his head. Meanwhile, his hands began gently kneading my breasts, and he continued to pound in and out of my tender pussy. The combination of sensations is incredible. Just as I begin to feel the pain around my pussy lips from his repeated thrusting, he tugs on the chain and my attention shifts to my aching nipples. All the while, his eyes gaze into mine, and I can see he change in his face as he approaches his own orgasm. He lets the chain fall from his mouth and I quickly remove the nipple clamps and throw them to the floor. His hands move to my hips and he squeeze them as he makes his last few thrusts before pulling out of me to shoot his load across my chest. As always, I am amazed at the quantity of cum with which he covers me, given that it is his second orgasm of the evening. And believe me, I have a good concept of the exact quantity, as he asks me to clean it off myself, feeding it to myself one finger full at a time, until every last drop is gone. He gets cleaned up, and we say our goodbyes, which always end the same way. He teases me about still being with boring old John, and reminds me that regardless of who I'm currently dating, I'll always be HIS cock-sucking slut. I clean up the apartment, wait for you to come home, and am thankful that you'll be satisfied with a peck on the cheek. My dripping pussy can't take much more tonight. Sincerely, Your former girlfriend P.S. If you find that you can't get this story out of your head, and you want to prove to me that you can be the kind of man I need, call me. Dear John Dear John, I am a coward and I admit it. I am taking the easy way out, leaving you this letter while you are working hard to provide for your family. I am lower than low and I know this. I am weak and spineless and it is because of this that I have gone this route --- I know if I had to face you and tell you goodbye, I wouldn't be able to do it. Not because I want to stay but because I would listen to your pleas and your promises to change and I would give in because it is my nature to give and give and give. Rarely do I take. I need to take now though. I need to take a moment and reflect on my life and my future. It has been a long time coming. I want you to know that I do love you and yes, I know those words sound empty and you are sitting there doubting them. But it is true. I do. I just can't pretend the love I feel for you now is the love I need to feel in my heart in order to continue living a full and happy life. What I feel for you is strong, you are the father of my children and you have worked so hard to take care of our kids and me. You've allowed me the opportunity to be a mother to our kids. For that I will be forever grateful. You're probably wondering, why now, after we worked hard to fix what was wrong? Honestly, I need you to read these words and listen to them as if I were speaking to you. My voice is low, the words soft and they are coming from the depths of my soul. Did we fix things or did we put a band-aid over the wound? Remember when we "almost" separated? We spoke about seeing a counselor. You admitted that you hadn't done a lot in trying to help "us" and you said you would find one for us to see. Immediately you said our church Pastor and I balked at that. I did not want to go to him. Why? I didn't see that as you really putting forth the effort to find us someone who would be neutral. As much as I love our Pastor -- he would not be neutral; he can't be. So, you agreed to find someone else. I called our Insurance and received a book of Doctors that were in our Network. You were to look through and choose a handful for us to learn more about. You didn't do this. Time slipped by and I did it -- for us. I gave you three names and asked you to research them. You agreed. Time slipped by and I did it -- for us. I found one and handed you the number and asked you to make the appointment. You agreed. Time slipped by and I did not do it -- for you and I guess for me either. I think I saw it then -- that for all the trying "this" wasn't going to work. But I stayed put and I saw you start to change while I too worked to change. I gave up a lot of things so I could focus on us. You took up a few things. As the days turned to weeks and the weeks to months I saw the things I gave up were still gone, but the things you picked up -- interests and discoveries that I found enjoyable with you --- you didn't really enjoy -- so they slowly began to become non-existent. What I liked was once again no longer important unless YOU felt something for them. Then I was expected to accept your sudden interest and go with it. I am tired of accepting things to appease you. I'm tired of hiding who I am from you and I am tired of the times I do try to show you the sexual side of me I am looked upon with disgust and shame. You still push my hands away from my own body -- why is that? Why can't I pinch my own nipple, or caress my own clit? I don't get why that bothers you so much. Why deny me use of my own body? And shame me when I am "caught"? Why when you are "done" and I am not, do you stop? Why can you not find a way to help me reach my climax? Why roll away and leave me empty? It's not fair and your excuse "it's my job" --- well, dear if it was your job -- why did you quit before it was finished? The kids --- I won't begin to imagine how they are going to feel and they are going to hate me, much like you are right now. I hope in time they will forgive me and they will allow me back into their lives. They are my world and I have given up so much for them and would give my life for them if necessary and I know that I will continue to give up things for them, but I can't give up the chance to live a life that has been barred from me by my own actions, and by yours. I am giving this note to you now because the kids are gone. Our son, the baby of the nest, he's now settled very well into his life as a College Freshman and I want us to find a time to bring all three kids together and talk to them as a family -- we are still a family, even though right now you don't see that. I won't ask for much from you. You were the one that worked all our marriage -- you had the paying job and you kept a roof over our head. The bank account is yours. The money in it yours, I have my own. Sadly the coward in me hoarded what I could of my paycheck. But as you know, I made sure that the house, the home, the kids never suffered by my keeping a few dollars back. I never placed my financial desires above their needs. Even as I close this letter, I feel selfish and cruel and so unlike the woman I have worked so hard to become -- the dependable giver and friend, stable and secure daughter, the always there wife and bed partner. But I'm not that woman anymore and I haven't been for a long time. I am so much more than you have allowed me to be and so much more than I have allowed myself to be. A text to your phone will let you know I didn't get in a wreck or anything, so know that I am safe. I will contact you in a few days. My parents --- they know I have gone, but I have not told them where I am at. So other than calling them to ask questions, they can't tell you anything more than what I have chosen to tell you here. We'll talk soon, ~ Me