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Coming Down Off My Hillside

By: LaPatitMort



I married Paul's and Ann's eldest daughter Linda. Linda is so open, loving and playful, I often wondered what her adult examples were like. Paul and I became friends as the years rolled by. Over too much beer, he told me how he and Ann first got together. The story seemed incomplete. Over many years, I pieced together why he had a darkness about him, what bonded them closer than any couple I know and why the son they had together is pursued by every girl at his school.

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What Paul told me (in his own words):

My ten years in the service were an unmitigated disaster. My parents were killed while I was stationed overseas, I saw too much death, caused too much death, was lied too until I could not believe or trust anyone anymore. I even discovered my baby son was not mine and that my wife and high school sweetheart was a meth addict and whore. I had money, education and health but nothing was of interest to me. At forty, I bought some acreage five hundred feet up the side of a hill overlooking a High Sierra river and slowly built my home. Sex, friends, a hoped for family, "truth and the American way" had been my life's motivations. Now I had ambled through ten years alone and was content to do another ten.

Two years ago I got a neighbor. I had only casually met the auburn haired, thin shy woman once. At the right angle, I could see her house was only a few feet above the normal spring runoff water line. Her name was Ann, I guessed she was about thirty; she had two pre-teen daughters. I never saw a man. We were about a mile from the nearest store and seven from what passed for a town. The day I met her, I must have looked like "Grizzly Adams" from the old TV show of that name. I had been swinging an axe all day, had not shaved in two and had on my worst, worn flannel shirt with missing buttons and rips. She and her girls had walked up the hillside to bring me a pie. They were my first visitors, ever. 

I did remember enough manners to meet and greet, "Ann thanks for the pie. Homemade goodies cooked by someone other than me are worth their weight in gold. I showed her around the house. She and her girls seemed surprised that my house was neat, well furnished and I had all the most modern personal computer equipment in my large office, over stuffed with books.

"Don't you have a car?"

"I do but it wasn't practical to bring a road to the house. My garage is actually about half a mile away on the other side of this hill and next to the road. I do keep the snow mobile here, however. I've been stranded a few times over the years." That was the extent of our one and only visit, over a year ago. 

The girls caught a glimpse of the three nearly tamed does, saw all the animal feeders and met Sam, the dog that showed up six years ago and stayed. I told them they could come up and watch the animals if they wanted but they never did. I'm sure mom labeled me as the mad hermit pervert on the hill. I probably did leer at her some.

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The late-February evening news was making a big deal about the warm weather melting the season's heavy snows too quickly. The perky weather girl actually smiled when she showed the tropical early season rain storm that was headed our way and would melt the snow even more rapidly. She bounced when she reminded us retarded viewers that all the reservoirs were already full and we could be in for the worst floods in a hundred years. At first I dismissed that information. Any flooding would be in the little town; parts of it had flooded three times since I lived here. Then I had a fleeting thought about Ann and her girls. Maybe she would escape problems. Already the water control people were releasing water from the lake upstream and the river was raging. 

The next morning, Ann was out early measuring the water level. About noon she was sitting on her back porch with her head in her hands, the kids were not home from school yet. She left for a while but returned with about 50 sandbags in the back of her pick-up. She would need a thousand to make any difference. I walked down the hill and handed her a cold soft drink. 

"What's the plan?"

"Everyone in town is sandbagging for the expected high water in four days. I thought I should try. Everything we own is tied up in this place and it is not covered by flood insurance."

"You are going to need a lot of help and a lot of sand."

"The bags and sand are no problem but I tried all morning to get people to come out here and help. They are all tied up and even the Mayor told me it was hopeless to sandbag here."

My years of engineer training were challenged by the word hopeless. Those were my favorite tasks. I sat quietly, drinking my soda and surveying her property.

"Walk with me, Ann."

I showed her how the slope of her backyard could provide two sides of protection. "What I am going to outline is a long shot. Even if it works, your well and septic system will be useless until the water subsides and both will probably have to be rebuilt."

As we walked I drew a line in the dirt where a sandbagged wall could be and how it could be supported with some back fill and plastic.

"Paul, it's a good idea but there is no man power and I only have four days. That would be a lot of sandbags. I got fifty this morning and look how little they covered?"

"I said it was a long shot. I'll help. The girls will have to help. You will be more tired than at any time in your life. Do you really want to try?"

"The girls can't even pick up one of those sandbags. They can't help."

"If we design it right, they'll help, be an important part and be just as tired as us."

"If you think it can be done, let's go for it. Tell me the plan."

"For now go order two big dump-truck loads of sand and two thousand of the new style reinforced sandbags with ties. Tell them to dump the sand on the hillside right there on the little flat."

"I will but that is ten feet off the ground, it doesn't make sense to me."

"I'm going to go get some stuff and slide it down the hill. When the girls get home, I'll explain."

My old conveyor belts were still working after I used them for moving fill when I built my house. I used Ann's truck to go get an old platform that used to be part of the stairs to get into my garage before the grading and cement work.

The ladies were all ears but very skeptical and unsure about all the work.

"Here is what we are going to try. The sand will be on that ledge. This platform will be at the base, leaving a six foot drop from the top of the platform to the sand. We are going to set up this conveyor with the wooden sides to flow from the sand to the platform. The conveyor will start and stop with a foot lever. The idea is to set an empty bag on a box at the bottom of the conveyor, sand will come down, fill the bag, we tie the bag and let it topple off into Ann's truck. When the truck is full we drive it to where we want the bags. Then we do it again, and again, and again."

Linda, the twelve year old asked, "What about school and when do we rest?"

"You ditch school when trying to save your house and you can rest as long as you want when we finish."

Sara the ten year old chimed in, "What do Linda and I do?"

"You sit on the sand pile and kick, push or shovel sand on to the conveyor."

About that time the first load of sand and bags arrived. The driver looked at us like we were nuts. I thanked him and made him promise to bring the next load in the morning.

"Ann, go ahead and feed the girls; get them to bed early and out here to start working at first light. Do you have any work lights?"

Using her lights, the house's outside lighting and my work lights, I worked all night to get the assembly line set up and tested. We were not very efficient the first hour after dawn but the girls thought it was fun. Our first load of bags to fill Ann's pick-up took an hour. The second load took 45 minutes and the girls did not think it was as much fun. By the forth load we were filling the truck's bed in thirty minutes. The sand truck driver seemed impressed but still shook his head as he drove away after depositing the second load.

Ann brought me a sandwich about noon and said, "Paul, this is amazing but the girls can't keep this pace up for several days."

"I know. About three, we'll start just dumping the bags into piles close to where they need to be stacked and keep filling as many as we can. I'll stack them when the girls have to rest. When we all can work as a team, we'll fill bags. When someone has to stop, we'll try to see that coming and manage around being shorthanded."

When Ann and the girls came out the next morning, I was ready to start filling bags. We were one third of the way.

"What did the "hippy, dippy, weather girl" say this morning?"

"You don't look like a George Carlin fan."

"I haven't been a fan of anything for a dozen years. What did she say?"

"Presumably we still have three full days before flooding but rain is supposed to start on that last day and the temperature is supposed to go up into the low fifties. I called the Water Master today. He was no help predicting how high the water could get here and when."

"Of course not, he's a bureaucrat and it is his job."

Ann started to talk again, "Ann, if this works, cook me a dinner and we'll talk all night. Right now we are on the clock."

She got the message and we worked, and worked, and worked. By the next morning the project was looking possible. The big mystery was whether or not our wall would hold back the rushing water. That night I brought my very unreliable ancient underpowered cat down the hill and carefully pushed what had been Ann's lawn, garden and play area half way up the back of the sandbag wall. It took all night and she was visibly shocked how bad her property looked in the morning.

"Don't worry I didn't mess up on the side you will be driving on today."

She smiled, sort of, and said, "Gee, thanks."

By evening, I told her, "Ann, I need to sleep a few hours. Make sure you get me up at first light."

"OK, but I have no idea how you have kept going this long."

The next morning, it was starting to rain when Ann brought me a cup of needed coffee. She was crying, "The water is rising, the river beat us."

"Bullshit, lady. We are down to the easy stuff. We'll finish our part. Then we'll see if Mother Nature wants to rip all our work up like it was nothing. But we don't quit now."

My ace in the hole was that I had decided to coax my ancient machine into pushing a rock out cropping down to fill in a good sized gap that we still had to close. Ann followed orders without too much grumbling. We just threw bags off the truck and filled more.

"Now get your truck to high ground with all the valuables, pictures, records and stuff you have been gathering. Here is how to get to my garage. Go put your stuff in there. Leave your truck and you and the girls walk to my place and see if you can relax and make dinner."

"How about that big gap?"

"You don't want to know. Now get."

When she left, my first two passes with the cat were very disheartening. The third pass, I could see my plan would work but I would have to sacrifice the cat. I planned for a precious hour. Luckily the cat could get some traction on the rock. My planning was worthless, but I was lucky. When I moved presumably a safe rock the entire hillside began to shift and rumble. I jumped clear and the troublesome gap closed nicely, taking the cat and almost covering it with rubble. We had enough bags to cover the open spots. 

Outside our barrier, I was working in ankle deep water when I walked out to the well. I pulled the pump and closed a valve that I had installed on the septic system that would not allow any backflow. It was ten p.m. Just as I went to turn off the electrical main, the power went off. I pulled the main anyway and started to fumble my way up the pitch dark hillside. Before I went inside, I hit the propane powered generator button so we would have electricity for at least a week or two.

Ann had me stand by the fire and strip. She paused a moment before handing me my robe.

I smiled at her. "Yes, I'm a lot older than you and my body has been beaten up a little. I know you noticed the other day that after I sleep it takes an hour for me to get my back, hips and legs working right."

"I was actually thinking you look pretty good."

"Thanks."

"Paul, do we have a chance?"

"We've done what we can. Most of the water's rise will be tonight. If our wall is holding in the morning, maybe."

"I can't thank you enough for all the work you have done. I've never seen anyone with your kind of endurance."

"We'll talk about that some day. Do you have anything left to eat?"

She had saved me a plate of too much food and sat and watched me eat. My old girlfriend used to do that. I liked having company.

"Have you ever been married, in love or had a family?"

"I thought I was married and thought I was in love and thought I had a son, but it wasn't my son and she didn't see the family side of things, like I did."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"It's OK. It is about time I put a lot of stuff behind me and got out into the world again."

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Sure."

"Do you write mystery stories?"

"You are very pretty but you have been snooping in my office."

"No, Linda, found this."

She showed me the pre-release copy that had just arrived of "Tequila Fog." I had left it on the coffee table in the den. Ann turned the book over. The jacket had a picture of me that was fifteen years old.

"I told them never to use my picture on the jacket."

"Maybe that is why they used that picture."

"I didn't look too bad back then."

"You look good now."

"So do you Ann. That would be my version of flirting on another day. For now I need to get to bed."

"I'll go roust Linda and Sara. They fell asleep watching TV in your room."

"Which room are you using?"

"The one connected with the guest bath."

"Don't disturb anyone. I'm going to crash in the other bedroom as soon as I get cleaned up."

I didn't even come back out to say good night. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow and did not wake up until I heard a shriek and a lot of little girl laughter. 

Ann called through the door, "Cover up, Paul, I'm coming in." 

"How's the water doing?"

"I walked down about fifty yards and fell on my ass trying to see. I didn't want to see any bad news. It looked like our wall was holding."

"I'll go check in a little while. I can hear the rain. It's coming down hard, that will melt a lot more snow. What was the shriek a little while ago?"

"I had asked Linda and Sara to come wake you for breakfast. I didn't think you would be nude and uncovered. They both are taking sex-ed this year but seeing the real thing is different than seeing it in a book."

I think I blushed for the first time in fifteen years. I tried to recover. "Tell them it isn't that impressive."

"From what I saw last night, I might disagree." She leaned over to whisper, "If they weren't right behind me, I was going to sneak another peek this morning."

"Then at least tell them that they will never get a second date if they laugh when they see their boyfriends nude for the first time."

I leaned and whispered, "There is a perfect clump of bushes out behind this house. Once this horror is over, you and I will go there. I'll show you mine, if you show me yours."

This time she blushed, sashayed out the door and said, "Your breakfast is getting cold."

After checking our sandbagged wall, I returned with the partially good news. "Everything is holding so far, but we have a big tree across the river that is accumulating a lot of debris. It is threatening to take out some of our wall."

"What can we do?"

"I am going to get two come-a-longs and lots of ropes and try to pull the tree free to go on down river."

"Why so many ropes?"

"Tying onto the tree, tying on the debris, tying onto something to pull against and tying on to me in case I slip into the water."

"Paul let us go with you to help."

"Not this time. The three of you must stay here."

Everything worked fine, almost. I tied myself to one tree; one end of the come-a-long to the end of the tree that I thought I could move and the other end of the come-a-long to a very solidly rooted tree on shore. Nothing happened when I took up as much slack as possible. I doubled everything by adding the second come-a-long and its separate ties. Walking back and forth, I was able to take up an inch at a time. 

Suddenly, the log in the river swung free. My elation was short lived when its weight and the weight of the rushing water, pulled the well rooted tree over and both started down river. Only problem, I was between them. I was bounced and raked on the bottom but was able to pull myself back to shore with my safety tether. I was lucky again; I had stayed in shallow water. The fast deep water would have been too much for me to escape.

I was scraped up pretty bad, had at least one broken rib and my left arm was really bloody. I was weak by the time I got to the door. Ann worked to strip me to the waist while the girls looked on. I told Ann what I suspected just as the shirt cleared my arm. Linda gasped and Sara ran away. I looked at a gaping gash that needed to stop bleeding and be sewn up. Ann toughed it out and followed my fading instructions to make a tourniquet and apply pressure. I sent Linda for the pain pills in my cabinet and told them that they were going to have to sew it up. Linda and Ann were white as sheets. Linda retched a couple of times but did her job holding the skin together as I told Ann how to make a surgical stitch. They were not spaced well and a few gathered the skin but all in all they were fine. Linda liked playing nurse after that, cleaning up just the scratches on my face, neck, shoulder and chest. She paid a little too much attention to my left male nipple.

I was weak and hungry but ok. Linda retrieved a length of wrap I had saved from the last time I broke some ribs. I didn't like the way one looked with a lumpy edge poking at the skin but there was no way we were going to be able to get out of the house tonight and drive anywhere for help. I almost fainted when Ann pulled exactly like I had told her to do. Sara was looking around the door, she had been crying. I motioned for her to come over to me.

"I'm alright. Don't be sad."

"Are you going to die, like my grandpa?"

"Do I look that old?"

She nodded, "Yes."

"No, I'm not going to die. You girls have to go to your rooms for a few minutes. I need to get out of these wet pants and you don't need any more male anatomy lessons." They both squealed and ran.

"Ann can you find me some sweat pants, a flannel shirt and some socks?"

She was back quickly with a selection.

"No bathing for me tonight. I'm tired of water. A little privacy please."

Ann watched when I couldn't get out of the chair. She helped me stand and pushed my hand away when I reached for my belt. Her hands deafly opened my jeans and she struggled to get the wet things off me. My boxers came with them.

"Even cold and swiveled it looks rather ample to me."

I laughed and then moaned, "Please don't make me laugh."

Ann dried me with a towel she had brought and helped me step into my sweats. I was half dead but her toweling had me half hard. She got my shirt on me and then my socks after I sat back down in the recliner. My sweats were still tented and she glanced that way.

"Ann, since you have seen me, does that mean you won't play our private summer game out in the bushes?"

"No, I'll still show you mine."

Linda had walked back into the room and thought what she heard her mother say was the funniest thing that had ever been spoken. As she tried to get her breath while laughing and holding her sides with tears running down her cheeks, Ann looked at me and said, "I guess I stepped into it this time."


Coming Down Off My Hillside Ch. 02



Last time I told you how Carl and Ann met, he saved their house and she got him to come down off the hillside. Life should have been led happily ever after but that is not the way of the world. Had it been that smooth, I would never have come into the picture.

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Carl was just going by the room that Ann's girls (Linda 13 and Sara 11) were using while their house was being remodeled after the flood that cost so many people in this community their homes. Ann was in town doing something; she had forgotten to take her cell phone but it rang for the first time in the six weeks she had been living with Carl on the hillside. Linda's bare feet raced to pick up the phone but she did not answer it. The girls were well taught not to curse but this was an exception.

Linda was definitely angry, "Shit, it's that damn Rick."

The phone beeped again signaling a text message.

"He's back in town and wants mom to call him."

Sara needed no explanation, "What are we going to do. If we tell her she'll call. I like it here. Rick hated us being around. Should we tell Carl about Rick?"

Carl was curious, took their decision away and pushed the partially open door the rest of the way open. "Tell Carl about what?"

Neither girl wanted to speak; they were caught in between supporting their mother and their new loyalty to Carl.

"I must have caught the end of a secret. That's ok, secrets are allowed." He turned to leave, but Linda spoke up.

"Carl, before the flood, maybe six months before, mom was seeing a man named Rick. She really got serious about him but he left. He's back now and just called mom, asking her to call him."

"Look you two, I love your mother and both of you. But love is a two way street, it is worthless unless both partners feel the same at the same time. Give your mother the message."

"Aren't you going to fight for her?"

"Is he young, tall, handsome, sexy and a little wild?"

"Yes, but...."

"I'm none of those things and your mother is young, pretty, active and sexy. I can love her and be good for her but I cannot compete if she wants those things with someone else. No secrets now, tell your mother we talked."

That evening, Ann told Carl that a man she used to date had called her.

"You already called him back and agreed to see him, didn't you?"

"Yes. We were serious for a while and then he left. I feel we have some open issues that I need to talk out with him."

"When do you meet him?"

"Tomorrow evening for dinner."

"I'll keep the girls; you go meet Rick and resolve what you have to."

She looked strange, not knowing how to read this reaction or how he knew "Rick's" name. Still she was relieved that she could see Rick without enduring a fit. Linda and Sara were by the kitchen door when their mother turned that way.

"Ann."

"Yes."

"I have fallen in love with you, we have shared a bed room for over a month, I know you want to see your former lover; I can understand. Please stay in the guest room, until you and Rick resolve what you feel for each other and you tell me where we stand."

She started to speak but he was already heading for his office, his hiding place; the place where he could escape into characters, stories and hopefully keep the demons at bay. He worked all night and was gone before the girls left for school but left note about what they wouId have for Friday dinner and suggested they could download a movie. The great empty black hole came back during the night. He could see Linda's and Sara's faces at the rim but looked and looked, Ann was not there. Sleep was impossible but the dreams of faces in pain, screams, deafening noise and the smells of war came back. They had left Carl alone for thirty years. He would survive; he always did; whether he wanted to or not.

Carl watched from the cove of bushes when Ann left. She had been to the beauty parlor, had on a new outfit and new shoes. In her excitement, she left without saying "Goodbye" to her daughters. Carl had been infatuated with a woman like that once. He had been blind, stupid and would not listen to friends. It was the woman he married and who cheated on him and deadened his heart for many years. Ann had made him care again. It had been a nice respite. Now he had to find a shell to protect him; he heard his father's words, "Carl, you need to know your place."

Linda sat closer and Sara asked a dozen times, if he wanted anything during the movie. When he tucked them in, Linda spoke for both of them, "We did not like Rick and he didn't like us around. Mom was nuts about him."

"I'm a big boy, I can take it. You two get some sleep and don't worry. Everything will work out fine. The fishing lodge is coming along great, you are doing well in school and Rick has come back to your mom."

Again he did not sleep. He could not write, so he sat. All night he sat. Ann never came home.

It was about ten in the morning when Carl saw a disheveled Ann showing the lodge to a handsome man a few years younger than her. When in doubt go fishing. He left notes for the girls and went out the back way when Ann and Rick began their trek up the hillside.

Four days later, he caught up with Linda and Sara just as school was letting out. 

Linda greeted him, "You don't look so good."

"You should see it from inside. What is going on with your mother and Rick?"

"He has talked her into them running the fishing lodge and making a ton of money. She's nuts, she has barely been home. She says, she and Rick want to talk to you."

"Let's go home. I'll face the music when they are ready."

A few days later, Ann and the girls moved into the fishing lodge with Rick while work continued. That is when I met Carl and began to work for him. He was way behind in his writing, had tons of stuff to do around the house and did not seem motivated to do anything. I had dropped out of high school and was known as the American Indian boy who always had trouble with teachers and students. Carl was easy to work for, he had a list of things that needed to get done. If something did not get done, it stayed on the list while new things were added. Very occasionally, he said an item had to get done that day. He paid me daily, respected me and was always willing to help. Little by little, I grew to like him and wanted to know more about him. In this phase, he was dark, brooding and had a threatening air about him.

One day, Linda came up the hillside looking for Carl. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Carl was not around, so we got to talk for a while. When she stood close, I stuttered and could not find the right words. When Carl got back, Linda followed him into his office. He noticed the look on my face. Later he said to me, "Linda is beautiful for a girl of thirteen." I still could not speak. "Don't worry Nathan, her mother affects me that way. She lived here for over a month until her old boyfriend came back."

I was only fifteen at that time. Even when I was supposed to be working, I often looked down the hill, hoping to catch a glimpse of Linda. When Carl would see me, he would always say something like, "Give her time, she will notice you."

"A breathless Linda flew through the door late one Wednesday afternoon, "Rick, hit mom!"

Carl needed no explanation; he was out the door and down the hillside before I got into the yard with Linda. Carl stopped for an instant to look at Ann. She was standing crying in her back yard. A half drunk Rick strutted out to confront Carl but Carl just motioned for Rick to follow him to the side of the house. Ann could not see but Linda and I were almost down the hill. We were watching but didn't really see anything either. When he turned and faced Rick, I never saw him move or what he hit Rick with but Rick went down like a rock grasping his neck, trying desperately to breathe through the blood in his mouth and spitting out broken teeth. 

"Rick you hurt Ann or the girls again and I'll push one of your balls up your ass, the other down your throat and feed your dick to the trout. Do you understand?"

Rick tried to acknowledge that he understood.

Then Carl's voice got very cruel, quiet and in a monotone, he continued, "After that the real pain will begin. I can keep you alive and screaming for me to let you die for a year."

My eyes were almost as big as Rick's; his were full of fear, mine surprise. I had never heard a hash word or seen a violent act from Carl. There was no question that he could and would do what he said. Linda was frozen in her tracks, shivering. Carl just turned and walked back up the hillside.

Rick was patched up at the local hospital and dentist's office. He wore a metal frame on his jaw for a while. He tried to file a complaint with the local sheriff. Word was the sheriff had told him, "That man on the hill is a war hero who has never caused anyone any problems. You on the other hand, have a rap sheet as long as my arm and would steal from your mother. I think you fell down and are just trying to cause trouble to collect insurance. Stay out of my office."

For the next four months, Ann and Rick had trouble getting work finished on the lodge. Once when they needed Carl to sign a release so a progress payment could be made, they asked that Carl allow them to sign for him in the future. His answer was plain, "No! Rick you are a known swindler and felon. Ann is so taken with you that she would do almost anything for you. My name is on the loan documents and I will sign the releases."

That simple act started to change everything. Ann heard some things she did not know. Rick did not get control of any money; that make him angry and he drank more. Rick and Ann began arguing a lot and the girls started hanging out up the hillside more. I liked that; Linda and I could spend some time together.

One day, Carl caught Linda and me making out in his special clump of bushes behind the house. He took me aside, I expected the worst. "I know you like Linda. Don't betray the trust she has in you. Love her, kiss her, touch her, if she wants you to, but remember she is only thirteen. Be only her special friend, respect her and protect her until she gets old enough to give her knowing consent."

That was the first time an adult had treated me as an equal, voicing his concern and just spelling out the situation. It was non-threatening but clearly told me that I was about to turn sixteen and she was very much a minor. He turned and walked over to Linda, hugged her and brought her back to me and put her hand in mine. There was no implied consent; just acknowledgment of the situation and stated responsibility.

It was on a beautiful early afternoon during school spring break that I barely heard a scream. I'm an Indian and supposed to know about the ways of sound, smells and nature. Carl flew across the yard and down the hillside. I tried to follow but his feet did not touch the ground and the trees either moved out of his way or he flowed through them. Rick ran from a clump of trees off to the right. Carl headed for those threes. Rick got to his truck; retrieved his pistol and fired several rounds but Carl did not pay attention or waver from where he was going. Rick's truck roared away just when Carl came from the trees carrying Linda. Her shirt was ripped away, her jeans were open and she was almost in shock from fright. I finally caught up to him and he told me, "Get Ann and Sara. All of you come up to my house now. Do not delay for any reason. I'm counting on you Nathan."

Ann had been hit in the face again and Sara was hiding in her closet when I found her.

"Nathan the work day is over. Please call the sheriff and tell him what you saw. Then you go on home."

"I want to stay and help you."

"I appreciate that and I knew you would want to help. I will explain in the future. Now, you do what I told you. You go home. You can call Linda on her cell phone and get updates, but do not come back up here unless I know about it and approve it first. Do you understand? Do your promise?"

"I understand and I promise."

Carl got Ann and the girls bedded down in the master bedroom together that night. Linda told me that he opened a hidden foot locker full of firearms, taking only a 40 caliber pistol and an AK47. She told me how he sat all night, unblinking and unmoving in the dark. Several times she or Ann looked out to check on him. Each time the quiet movement of the door in the dark prompted him to say, "Get some rest there is work to do tomorrow." 

About five a.m., I called and Carl said I could come over. Just as I came through the door the landline phone rang. Carl revealed nothing, "Thank you for telling me. I will make sure everyone else knows."

Strangely, he locked away the firearms and made us some coffee. "Nathan, we have to help Ann and the girls finish their lodge. I'll put her in touch with a good financial consultant to help her decide what she wants to do with it. All the stuff we have to do around this house can wait. I'll get a delay from my publisher on when my final drafts are due."

About seven, everyone was gathered around the kitchen table. The only thing different was a box of Kleenex. 

"Ann, I have some horrible news for you and the girls. Rick kept drinking while he drove and drove. About two hundred miles from here, just outside Fresno, he hit an overpass support doing about ninety. He was killed instantly. The sheriff said no one in his family is interested in arranging services. Would you like for me to take care of things and arrange for you and the girls to attend his funeral?"

I had heard more emotion in a weather report. Carl had total control of himself but he was more robot than human. He was helping the best way he knew how but his heart was being ripped apart again. He took care of everything and caught Linda and me in the kitchen. "Nathan, please take care of them. I'll be in the little cove behind the house. Don't disturb me."

He seldom drank but he took enough hard liquor to get ten people stoned. That night the temperature dropped and I crept out to take him a coat. He was sitting in his short shirt sleeves, totally still, looking into the campfire and holding an almost finished bottle of bourbon. An empty one sat at his feet. I left the coat and began to walk away.

"Nathan, come sit with me for a while." His speech was thick but his eyes were clear. I stoked his fire. It was almost out. I had on a coat and still shivered. He was very still. As if he knew my questions, he began:

"In '68, I should have died, everyone else I knew did. A hundred times, I have tried to get drunk and forget and not feel; it has never worked."

Was I supposed to respond? This was way beyond my sixteen years.

"Nathan, loving is the easy part. Having someone love you just as much has been impossible for me. Linda likes you but you are going to have to make something out of yourself or she will never respect you enough to truly love you."

Hard, cold, brutal words. They struck right through my worries, concerns, sex drive and ego.

"Have you read any of my mysteries?" He knew that I had not. I had never read a book all the way through.

"In them, I can feel and love and be loved. Outside the pages, I only find hurt. I know that, yet, I keep caring. Is Linda, alright? Did the women's services people come out? Had she been raped?"

"She is fine, Carl. You got there before anything happened."

His head nodded once.

"I hid scared to death in a culvert once. There was a young Vietnamese girl already in it. Her chest wound was sucking air. She spoke no English and I was no good in hers. I just held her and she held me until she died. I knew how to hate until then. I never discovered if she was friend or foe. I wish I knew how to hate now. I was happier believing I was right and had all the answers."

In another hour, he had not said another word or moved a muscle. I draped his jacket around him and returned to the cabin. I had changed. I was a dozen years older.

Night and day, he worked to have the fishing lodge completed. It was decorated in Indian motif and had lots of fishing things too. The day it was complete, he took his prized stuffed rainbow from over his mantle and hung it over the fireplace in the lodge's main room. Then he took Ann and the girls to the front door of the lodge, handed Ann the key and a folder of papers and walked back up the hillside.

They needed help. I wanted to be near Linda. Carl just smiled and said, "You two come visit me once in a while and not just to go make out in the bushes."

The lodge was an instant success. Two of the best fly fishermen in the world wrote it up in its first month and from then on there was never a vacant room even with the rules of fishing with barbless hooks and only catch and release. A wonderfully trained chef showed up one day and that boosted business beyond fishing season and being close to the ski resorts did not hurt. I discovered Carl had sent the chef, but I did not tell Ann.

Ann came to me one day. She looked old and sad. Now I was seventeen and could run the lodge, except the accounting. She relied on me; trusted me with her daughter and today, forgot how old I was and asked my advice.

"Nathan, I want to see Carl again. How should I tell him that? How should I go to him? Do you think he will turn his back on me? Would it be alright to send Sara up the hillside with a note?"

The words that came from my mouth sounded strange. They did not seem like mine. There were no smart ass answers, no "why ask me, I'm only a kid?"

"Ann, he would like to see you more than anything, but I don't know if you can get him to drop his defenses to let his love out again. You really screwed him over."

"I know. He has every right to turn his back on me."

"You know him. He would never do that. Every time you or the girls needed him, he was here. As a woman you know him and what he likes. You know how to show him that you want to be his now. You read some of his stories. You know what to do to soften his heart, if it can be done again. All I know is that you are the only woman he has loved in the last thirty years. I watched him struggle to survive through your rejection. There were days that I thought he would "go postal;" instead he fed the squirrels and stayed up all night looking into the fire."

"I should not go to him and bring up all the hurt again."

"Sounds like you don't have the guts to go to him and risk his rejection. Sounds like you don't have the guts to do what only you know to do to soften his heart again."

For a week and then two, I watched Ann struggle with what she would do. One late June evening she bathed in just water, wrapped herself in a robe, slipped on some shoes and walked up the hillside toward the column of smoke that signaled that Carl was in his clump of bushes.

He was sitting on a log, poking the fire with a stick in the twilight when Ann pushed between two bushes. He was surprised but just looked at her and did not stand.

"Carl, I am sorry for what I did. I was wrong and I know now that I love you. Is there any hope that you can forgive me and we can start over again?"

He still did not move or offer any hint of an answer.

"Hurt me, beat me with that stick, have a fling so my heart aches, like I made yours ache. Tell me what I can do to show you what I am saying is the truth."

As he watched, she stepped out of her shoes and let the robe drop from her shoulders. She stood in the cool air, totally nude, humbling herself in front of him, begging for him to care, admitting her guilt, baring all her defenses, searching for a glimmer of caring that still might be alive in him.

Still his eyes showed no surprise, no life, no forgiveness.

She tried to break the tension, "I told you I would show you mine in these bushes."

Still he sat unblinking.




Coming Down Off My Hillside Ch. 02



Tears began to run down her cheeks and she started to reach down for her robe.

Carl said, "Wait." He stood and stripped every stitch of clothes off his body and stood nude before her. "Ann, this is me. It is all I have to give you. God made me older than you and I am not a young, handsome man like Rick was. I want to show you mine too. I so wish I was what you wanted."

She wanted to run to him but she stood still also. His past tense confused her. They were nude, ten feet apart on opposite sides of the flickering flames.

"I know your body Carl and I know you. You are what I want."

She opened her arms to him and spread her legs. Her short pubic hair sparkled in the firelight. Still Carl stood and tears ran down his face.

"Please say something."

"What do you want to hear from me?"

Ann's face dropped, "I want to hear that you could love me again; that you could trust me again; that you still want my body; that you want to be with me and the girls as a family, like we were for such a short time, before I went crazy and betrayed you." 

He was frozen. What could she say to make him respond? "And I want to see the sparkle in your eyes because you want to taste me and lick my juices and drive me wild with wanting you."

"I still love you, Ann. I love the girls and I dream of us being a family every day. You walked away from me and went down the hillside to make love with another man."

Her heart dropped and her hope slipped out of her body to float up with the smoke. His seconds of pause brought her closer to wanting to die; she wanted the relief from the pain that death promised.

"You came back up the hillside to me but you have a few more paces to be mine again."

Ann took those few paces and wrapped her arms around her man. Her older man but her good, caring man. The man who would protect her and their family. His arms went around her naked body. They felt familiar and strange. His body was not relaxed and neither was hers. His cock always touched her first when they used to hug. Today it hung. I think Carl's father spoke to her from his grave, "For this moment woman, you must redeem yourself, know your place in this clump of trees and for this one shared moment in your lives."

She dropped to her knees in front of her man. Her hands lifted his cock and her lips closed around its head. She pulled the foreskin back, sucked and moaned knowing her man was just inside her. This could not be called a blow job; it was her apology, her promise to be his forever, her plea for him to accept her again and her plea for him to satisfy her body again.

Ann had sucked him for less than a minute, but he was rock hard; he had not reached out to caress her or take her. She knew her place for tonight. She knew he would drink from her a thousand times; please her countless times and live his life for her, but for now, she had a place. She slipped down, lying partially on his clothes but mostly on the carpet of pine needles. He knelt between her thighs near the fire; she grasped his cock with both her hands and guided it to the opening of her body. She pulled enough for the helmet to slip between the soft folds of her pussy but he did not help. He was looking, unblinking into her eyes. She had lust and concern in them. She did not know what to say but her body, her female animal body, spoke for her. It told her to say, "Fuck your woman, Carl. Fuck her, make her yours. I want to be yours forever and ever."

The male above her, thrust, driving his cock to the hilt in her wet sheath. Her body jolted and then lifted, challenging him. She had to endure more; he thrust again, driving some of her breath out of her body. Again, the female body lifted to submit, to please her man and he drove her into the mat of prickly dry needles. His hips set up a smooth rhythm and his face lowered and kissed her lips for the first time in many months. They both sighed and her tongue flicked out and he sucked it, never breaking the pace that rubbed his shaft along his mate's clit. She pulled her tongue back and his followed. She sucked in perfect time with his thrusts. God she loved to suck him. God she loved to be fucked by him. For a fleeting moment she thought, "I could be fertile." Then that thought molded into her rising pleasure and swirled up into the smoke saying, "That would be just fine."

"I need to feel you possess me. Fuck me Carl. Fill me, so I will know that you love me and will allow me back into your life."

His thrusts grew harder. She wanted to be taken. She was not thinking about cuming but his words were in time with her body beginning to suck his cock, "You have not been out of my life, my thoughts or my heart for one second since we filled sandbags together during the flood."

Tears rolled down her face freely. Her body whimpered in sorrow and it began to cum, gripping his cock. Her hands clasped the cheeks of his ass and pulled him even tighter on every thrust. Time and again her body was jarred by his thrusts. Her womb tighten. Her lungs filled up and her body arched begging for him to cum in her. The night was cool and quiet. She screamed, "Now, Carl, Now, fill me." Her words echoed off the hill and were plainly heard by Sara, Linda and me down the hillside.

---------------------------

I'm sure you are growing weary of me telling you about the only parents I ever knew and their love affair. I'll tell you a little more and then maybe, some other evening, I can tell you some of the crazy stories about Linda, me and all the wild guests we had stay at the lodge over the years.

---------------------------

For about a month everything was in a confused whirlwind. Ann tried to live in two places, up the hillside with Carl and down the hillside to run the lodge. On Tuesday mornings we all gathered at Carl's and discussed the week. He never told Ann "No" in all the years I knew them. He did not try to run the lodge or tell us what to do. Instead he might give one input a week. Those inputs provided direction to the growing success of the lodge while the endless work came from others.

Just to give you an example, he wrote eight to ten hours a day at least five days a week but somehow always knew what was going on in the community. The entire area was still struggling to recover from the flood and arguing about what to do to avoid future ones. The house that was in the clearing across the river had been swept away. That provided a beautiful meadow, surrounded by two wetland areas and tall red rock hills behind them both where the Washoe and Paiutes had ceremonial sites and often declared a truce long enough to trade. Carl suggested the lodge purchase that open meadow. It was cheap because of its flat, very flood prone location. He envisioned a yearly pow-wow some day, an area art show, fly tying conference, an out-of-door book signing and a dozen other events that would keep the lodge's picture in newspapers and magazines every year. He provided the money and the land was purchased. It took several years for the first event. There are five regular ones each year now.

However, Ann spoke up, "Carl, already the lodge takes up so much time, all these events will require so much more."

"That's very true. I'm hoping that you will let others run the lodge and spend most of your time with me. Nathan knows the business and the facilities, Linda can master the paperwork, you can oversee operations and the business can afford to hire more staff."

Ann was only half teasing when she fired back and got the shock of her life, "You seem to have a vision for years to come, would you have me in an apron waiting for you to come out of your sanctuary where one successful mystery after another seem to be born."

"No, my fantasy has you marrying me, me spending a lot less time writing and us traveling all over the world, doing what we want and just enjoying each other."

Ann was frozen in place with all of us at the table. She could not speak or move.

"We would always be a phone call away and could get back here in the case of an emergency. We could always be here for special events that you want to be involved in."

Ann was in shock because of the word "marrying." They had never discussed that subject. Ann avoided it for the moment, "But Nathan and Linda are still teenagers."

"True but they definitely have plans together for their future, they seem to enjoy the lodge business and are good at it. We can dirty them up a little and make them look older, if you think that will help."

Everyone thought that was funny, except Ann did not really hear the answer. We all were waiting for her to respond to Carl's almost proposal.

He knew, so he sent us all on our way for the day. Yesterday, Monday, was mostly a recovery day from the weekend at the lodge. Today, Tuesday, was a catch up and project day.

"Ann will you spend the day with me today?"

Her answer was cute, "I think, I had better."

Just as Linda, Sara and I went out the door, I heard Ann say, "Carl, what you said........."

Later, Linda filled me in. Seems her mother told her everything. Carl still had some of his shells up for protection.

"It is my fantasy, Ann. I want you to marry me but if you have any sense, you will say, "No." I am too old for you. You need to find a man who will age with you and stay up with you when you are sixty."

"You were serious?"

Carl went to the worn tan Carhartt jacket he kept on a hook by the door, rambled around in the pockets and returned to her. "I am very serious. I've had this since before the lodge was finished. Please don't say, "No," I don't want to hear and remember that word from your lips. In that case, just leave this on the table. Ann, will you marry me?"

He opened a black ring box with the perfect engagement ring. Linda had helped him select it and kept his secret through the bad times. She and her mom had often looked at magazines together.

This was such a shock for Ann. She expected to be with Carl and that they would be together in their up-the-hill and down-the-hill life but she had not considered this step.

"Carl, I cannot imagine my life without you. This is such a surprise."

"I knew it would be and that it was a long shot for me."

She wanted to dispel that but all that came out was, "Carl, I love you. The girls love you and you have done so much for us."

He needed relief from this subject. His mind wanted to plead his case, say that he would not change or be abusive after they were married but his words seemed so feeble. He lived by selling words but now he could not think of one that had value.

"You owe me nothing. You have already paid me back a hundred fold for anything I did. Have you given any thought to talking with the affiliated tribes about scheduling a pow-wow this year or next year?"

His water pill was doing its job, so he walked on to the downstairs bathroom. When he returned, Ann was standing by the table. The ring was not in the box.

"Yes, Carl, I will marry you. I want to marry you. I want to be with you forever. I want you to put this ring on my finger and I want you to carry me to our bedroom and make love with me."

He took the ring from the palm of her hand and slipped it on her ring finger. "You want a lot, don't you?"

"Yes, why don't you do what you want with me and see if I'll be worth so much trouble?"

Carl still wasn't satisfied. Item by item he stripped her in the kitchen. As she unbuttoned his shirt he fingered her. She was still wet from the night before, filled with their combined juices. She clasped at his arm and he stopped long enough for her to reach down and unbuckle his belt. He finished undressing and Ann reached out, clasped his cock and pulled him toward the bedroom. She never let go as she laid back, spread her legs and guided him in.

"Kiss your fiancée and see if her cunt will satisfy you for the rest of your life."

He did kiss her. He was nude; she was nude. He was buried as deep into her as he could be. Still his body arched away and he stared into her eyes and she stared into his.

"In a moment your body will steal away my mind like it always does. First, my love, let's do this right so my memory will not play tricks on me. Ann, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Carl, I will marry you." She paused, "Now, so my memory will not play tricks on me, fuck the hell out of me."

There would be days that Ann would get her wish many times over but this time, Carl just began to thrust gently and grind his hips into her. His cock's head was well beyond her g-spot, but every inch of his body that could touched her. The base of his shaft rode her clit and massaged the part of it that hid along her mons. His kisses were gentle, almost too gentle. His touches were gentle, almost too gentle. But he had most of his weight on her hips and his movements there were anything but gentle. Ann's first climax was a surprise. She was thinking how rough his weight was on her clit when she began cuming. Her little cry surprised her. Her hips lifted off the bed and tilted to be abused even more. This was her man now. The man who chose her and the man she chose in return.

Her climax did not satisfy her. Her mind was racing with lewd thoughts driven by her cunt. "He should know by now what he is in for." She grabbed him and rolled. Her strength, maybe his help, made it work. She came up on top, straddling him. At first, kissing him. Then she sat on him, let the lust in her eyes flow, her fingernails clutch into his nipples and her hips begin to thrust. She used his cock. She already knew, but this time she marveled at how the slight upward bend was perfectly designed for her body to use on each thrust to press into her magic spot and then slip deep. She placed her hand on her own belly and pressed feeling how he throbbed in her. She changed the angle, lifted and let his shaft slide along her clit. She was almost mad when his cock's tip nudged the dimple of her cervix and she lifted again to regain some sanity.

"Damn him, he knew," her mind said. Carl put his hands behind his head and said, "Use me, Ann. Let me watch you use me for your pleasure."

Again her mind spoke, "I'll show him." She rode like the cowgirls in the best rodeos. She rode to show him but her body guided each movement to enhance her pleasure. Moans started to come with every thrust. They were hers; they were pure pleasure; some other time, she would hold back and torture him. This time, he could enjoy watching, enjoy knowing she was filled with bliss riding his cock. Her mind, blinked one last thought before her body took over completely, "This is my husband and he loves me just like I am."

That idea freed her body and kept it free for their entire lives. She trusted him to catch her, so in her pleasure she jumped into the unknown and flew. Orgasm led to orgasm. She moved in ways that hurt her and must have cause him pain but her body wanted more. She cried out but it was not an ending, just another step from one cloud to another. Each time over the top was more difficult but her body was driving her. She desperately was searching for one last climax before she died. It felt so wonderful to thrust against him. Her eyes were closed and she felt that he sat up because her breasts touched his chest. Still her body struggled. He was in the way now, it made her thrusts more difficult. Sweat poured from her, her breath was escaping, wetness poured from her and then she felt him touch her pucker. He had licked it before and she had resisted but it was pleasant and he seemed to enjoy it. Her mind was about ready to intervene and give up when his finger thrust past her sphincter. The stretching hurt at first but then his finger slipping into her matched his cock slipping into her. Her body was tight but tightened again. When she pulled to thrust again it pulled his finger tight in her ass and she thrust again to relieve the pain but he added another finger and stretched her even more. She tried to sit still but her entire body began to shake. Her breath was in tiny shallow pants and her pussy was contracting rapidly. Her ass tried to expel the intruder but it was ready and slipped in even deeper. With the last breath she had she screamed and felt all the liquids in her body race out of her cunt, spewing around his cock. His arms tightened, holding and protecting her as her body trembled, did not breathe, but safe, loving darkness surrounded her.

------------------------

A week later, Carl and Ann volunteered to house sit the lodge before the season got started. I went to visit relatives, Sara and Linda went to see their grandparents and the cook had a week of paid vacation. The guide had not started for the season yet.

Ann wanted to go into each of the eighteen rooms of the lodge and make notes on furniture placement, window views, etc. Carl agreed to be her secretary and follow along dutifully taking notes. The plan was to start on the third floor and work down. The first room was the smallest in the lodge but it had two dormer windows with low backed overstuffed chairs in front of each window.

"Think the chairs keep guests too far from the small windows and they cannot enjoy what little view they can get to?"

"How about if we turned the chair around to face the window?"

"That's stupid. It would face the wall that way, you couldn't talk to anyone in the room and you still could not see out of the window."

Carl turned the chair anyway. "Let's just try it."

Ann stood behind the chair looking out of the window. "See you still cannot see out."

Carl pushed the chair so the front touched the wall. "Now look out."

Ann started to really object but he pushed her over the back of the chair and pulled her sweats down. Her ass tipped up, presenting herself automatically. He was ready and slipped into her doggie style. She started to rise up but he pushed her back down and took her until she climaxed. She knew he had not finished, when he pulled out and she turned to look at him, questioning why he stopped.

"One room down, seventeen to go."

Ann smiled from ear-to-ear, threw his note pad away and stripped where she stood. They were both naked when they invaded the next but larger room.

"What do you think about this room, Ann?"

"The couch is in front of the window. The window is low, so much of the view is blocked."

Carl, pushed the couch away and lay down with his head almost against the wall under the window. "Sit down and see if the view would be good if we put cushions on the floor."

She knew what he wanted. She was still turned on and very wet. She straddled his face and she talked about how good the view was while he licked, kissed and slurped from between the lips he loved. In a couple of minutes her body shuttered again and he pushed her up.

"Two down sixteen to go."

"Carl, I can't hold up to cuming sixteen more times today."

"Poor baby. OK, you don't have to cum in every room today, but I'm going to push my cock into you in the next sixteen rooms today. I'll remember which rooms you do not cum in. We have a week to christen every room with your juices."

For the next two hours they were free like children, playful and silly. They laughed and named the rooms. The "69" room, the "blow-job," room, the "foot-job" room. When Ann playfully jumped onto a pile of cushions, her ass was high in the air. Carl announced, "The anal room." Ann scrambled up and said we have to find another name for this room.

Naked Ann crawled under the lodge in the sand where the firewood would be stacked. Carl, on his knees shuffled behind her keeping his dick in her by matching her movement for movement. When they cleared the opening engineered for the flood water, he picked her up, turned her and sat her onto his hard cock. She held on and he walked the few paces into the frigid water in front of the lodge. He had placed a large rock at the corner of the lodge with a deeper hole for the trout in front of it. Freezing, shivering, he walked her there and sat her on the rock.




Coming Down Off My Hillside Ch. 02



"This river tried to drown us and take away your house. For now we have won. Let's fuck it."

Carl pushed her against the large rock. Waist down they were in the frigid water. Still playing for hours had them both ready regardless of the situation. Ann rubbed her clit in time with his thrusts and her head lay back against the rock. Her eyes were closed and never had Carl seen anything more beautiful than his woman's eyes contorting in orgasm with her body freezing in the rushing mountain water. The sun was setting but this spot could be seen from a mile in three directions and every front window of the lodge.

When Carl announced loudly, "I'm cuming," Ann screamed "Fuck Me" and her words echoed back and forth while he spurted into her belly.

For moments he lay on her, both of them shivering. 

"Damn, river is winning again. My balls have shrunk up to bb size and my cock is frozen into your pussy. Let's get inside by the fire and see if we can save any of our parts."

As they struggled naked out of the rushing water, over the rocks that neither of them had noticed on the way in, Ann asked, "Who's bright idea was making it in the river?"



Coming Down Off My Hillside



"Looks like we both did."

Later that evening, Ann asked, "Can I help you get to bed?"

"No, Pretty One, I think the only place I can sleep with these ribs is in this chair. I've been through this before."

She sat and talked while; I tried to listen. I was very tired but she needed to unload. Her ex messed around on her, split with another woman after taking out a good sized second on their city home. She and the girls had sold everything and moved to where they could afford. She asked about me. I asked her to get a very graphic story, I had written about Viet Nam. When she came back into the room, I had fallen asleep.

Ann watched over me that night and read my story. She slept on the red leather couch that was never meant to be a bed. It could put kinks in your back like no other piece of furniture. Early the next morning, I was watching Ann sleep when Sara struggled, using tiny steps, to bring me a cup of coffee without spilling it. I held my finger to my lips to tell her to be quiet and pointed to her mother. 

I whispered, "This is wonderful service. Thank you for the coffee."

"She likes you, you know?"

"I know. I like her too, but don't tell her, it is a secret."

Even at ten, she was coy and knew that what I said was no secret and that I was just playing. Later, Linda said, "So you like my mother?"

"People don't know how to keep secrets anymore."

"The way you two look at each other, doesn't make it much of a secret."

"Linda, can you carefully go out and see if all our work has kept the water out of your house?"

She nodded.

"It's easy to slip and fall. Don't take any chances."

When she came back in she announced, "It's still dry and I don't think the river is as high as yesterday."

That rousted Ann. "Paul, I think you saved our house."

"No, sexy, I think we all saved your house."

Linda blushed. Some adult had said something else with sexual overtones.

About eleven, we had all watched the local news about ten times. The little town had not faired as well as Ann's house. The roads were blocked and they needed everything. The National Guard and FEMA were on their way there and to ten other places father down river. Bridges had been washed out, electricity was out, sewage had overflowed, there had been six deaths so far -- three caused by people trying to drive across streams. Ann announced, "Paul we have to get that river water off you. No telling what all is in it or how sick it could make you."

"OK, but you have to promise not to touch anything you shouldn't."

The girls howled and laughed.

When we got into the bathroom, I confessed, "Ann, I'm sorry about all the silly things I say. I have never had little kids around me and I seem to speak without considering their ears."

"They know a lot more than you think. Don't worry about it. It is good for them to hear two adults playing verbally instead of remembering all the noisy, angry, profanity filled fights their father and I had."

"I'm shocked, do you say naughty words?"

"Yes, I do, Big Boy, and if you don't let me wash you and get you clean, I'll curse at you and make you stay on the porch tonight."

I stared directly into her green eyes and said, "Yes, Mistress."

"Smart Ass."

She sat me on a wooden stool in the tub and washed me with the shower on low. The more she washed the wetter and more transparent her white t-shirt became. My cock started to respond and when she turned toward the sink I could see she did not have panties on under the shorts she had chosen to wear to wash me. I was at full mast and had no way to hide sitting on my little dunce stool.

"What caused that?"

"Look in the mirror."

"What, my little C-cups did that to you?"

"That and wanting to kiss where your panties are not."

She had to think about my strangely constructed sentence. And then she noticed that the legs in her shorts gapped when she bent over. "Well now you have seen mine."

"Kiss me, Ann."

She leaned across me, so as not to hurt my ribs. As she kissed me the first time, it was tentative, tight lipped and short. My cock nestled in her arm pit.

"Considering the circumstances, you could kiss me with your mouth slightly open and let me suck your tongue."

We tried again. We were willing students and within a few tries we were good at it and enjoying the tastes of each other.

"I'm going to shock you, Paul."

I stayed quiet and did not move. She turned her head toward my crotch and lowered her lips onto the head of my cock and nursed gently.

"I love the taste of your cock."

"You won't shock me that way, Ann. I'm probably the most oral man in the country."

She stepped out of her shorts and put a foot on either side of the tub, challenging me to prove it. I kissed and licked her. She did not resist, I opened her with my fingers and tasted, licking deep to pull her wetness out for my taste buds. I brought a hand under her and slipped two fingers deep to rub at her spot and force her clit to stand even more proud. I went for her with gusto, thoroughly enjoying what was being offered. She got wetter and wetter still.

"I'm sorry I get so wet."

"You cannot get too wet for me. I want to taste you, drink from you and watch you cum."

"Oh, No. It can't be."

Within two minutes she squirted into my mouth, one of her hands held on to the shower curtain bar and the other grasped the shower head. Her knees buckled slightly but she still thrust forward. I sucked, kissed and moved my fingers faster inside her. In another minute the dam burst and she squirted all around my lips and it ran down my neck and chest. I hungrily drank and regretted what I missed. One of her feet slipped from the side of the tub and she caught herself by straddling and sitting on my lap. 

The jarring hurt like hell. I groaned, reached out and guided my cock into her pussy and pulled her hard, making my ribs hurt even more. Her eyes flew open, realizing she had been penetrated and saw the pain and lust in my eyes.

"Fuck me, Ann. You have to do it. I can't move this way."

She hesitated; then began to thrust raking her clit along my shaft and pushing until she bottomed out. She looked down and saw that she still had a couple of inches of me to learn someday how to deal with.

"Use my cock, Ann. Your body needs to cum again. Use it and let me watch you."

Her fingers went to her clit and she timed their circles with the thrusts of her hips. She had never come down from her interrupted climax when her foot slipped.

"I loved how you squirted into my mouth and fed me from your pussy. You have made me mad wanting you. I want to kiss and taste every inch of you. Fuck me. Cum for me."

I was in too much pain from her thrusts to really be good for her. It helped when she said, "Don't cum inside me, I'm not on the pill."

I watched as she rode me hard and her fingers flew on her clit, I was surprised when she cried out and her body shuddered and more liquid pushed out around my cock and splattered onto my balls.

A tiny voice called through the door, "Mommy, are you all right?"

There was no way Mommy could answer. "Sara, your mommy is fine. I slipped and she caught me. I think I stepped on her foot. I was really dirty. We'll be out in just a few minutes."

I held Ann until she quit trembling and clutching me very tight. She leaned back and with naughty eyes said, "What would you do if I peed right now?"

"I'd love it and tell you that I will repay the favor someday. For now though I'm so hard I couldn't pee if my life depended on it."

I felt her belly tighten in a new way. Her muscles got hard and I felt her insides push at the head of my cock. Then there was a trickle, then a little hiss and then a noisy flood that lashed out and splattered about my pubic hair and onto my chest. A few drops flew even higher when she thrust and drops caught us both in the face. Her piss was hotter than the shower and we could feel it trickle down around our thighs and calves.

"Get off me, Ann. I am going to cum."

She rose off my cock and knelt between my legs. Her mouth closed over me again and she sucked in time with both of her hands that jacked me off. Her fists twisted around my helmet each time she almost pulled her lips off me.

"Now."

My first offering she swallowed. By my second, she had impaled my cock deep into her throat and she never tasted my cum. My third and everything else she caught in her mouth and saved. When I softened in her mouth, she rose to sit on my lap again and closed her mouth over mine. Our French kissing lessons had paid off. We traded my cum with our tongues. Each time I got it back there was a little less. She was cheating and swallowing a tiny bit each time. Her fingers were thrusting into her pussy again and I let my saliva mix freely with my cum, so more liquids would flow into her mouth. She whimpered came and swallowed in the same breath. She was barely moving in my arms. Her fingers were still in her body and her breasts were heaving to find the air to live.

Someone had taken some of her enjoyment away over the years. I would give a tiny bit back and whispered to her slowly recovering body, "Ann that was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. Your body is so delightfully wet and you are so delightfully oral. I did not think there were women like you. You must be one in millions and millions. So very desirable; so very special; so very tasty."

The little voice at the door said, "I thought you guys were going to come out."

Ann answered this time, "We are. We're drying off right now."

Ann reached down and pulled my soft cock. The last drops of my cum oozed out and she captured them on her finger tips. Her eyes danced, her body glowed and her hips swayed seductively, "This is all mine. I'm not going to share." With that she looked deep into my eyes, never blinked and licked my cum from her fingers.

I pulled her face down to my lips and whispered, "I hope you like the way you taste too because I am going to feed your juices to you while I fuck you and you scream." Her low moan said she could go all night. My ribs hurt.

---------------

What I learned later:

For two months the ground dried and the town sapped up all the manpower resources. Paul worked to get all the small grants and low interest loans to rebuild the services on the river house and have it lifted ten feet on a pass through foundation. Somehow he got approval to expand part of the house and make it into a fly fishing lodge. Finished it would be worth a million easy. Ann would net half that and Paul had ideas to avoid the capital gain taxes on it all. The two months were good, happy, sexual months. The kids both just shrugged and said, "They are at it again." Paul was playful, silly, protective and generous. 

They had plans that would take two years. Life was good. Too perfect; life's realities had to darken the doorway.

After a long happy day, Linda and Sara left about six for a sleep over at one of their schoolmate's house. Ann bathed early while Paul still worked. She was careful to wash a second time before noon with unscented soap and then dress too warmly for the afternoon so her body would excrete its pheromones and unique taste. She thought of how he would make love with her, knowing they would not be interrupted. Several times that afternoon, she was wet and wanted to touch herself but she denied herself that pleasure so her pussy would be flavored and unsatisfied. Ann hid when he came in from work and called for her.

"Go ahead and bathe Paul, I'm not finished cleaning in the girls' room. I'll meet you in the kitchen when you finish."

Instead she listened for the shower to turn on and she slipped two fingers into her pussy and dreamed of a perfect evening, eating, being playful and making love. Paul, had the same idea while he bathed. He had slipped away for a while and bought her favorite finger foods for dinner. There would be white wine, fruits, whipped cream, crackers, cheese medium (cheddar and Monterey Jack )-- cubed just right and later, coffee and Danish. Ann had plans for dinner too, but she saw his surprise in the refrigerator and decided not to make anything except herself more wet for him.

Paul beamed from ear to ear when he came in with the big tray set especially for her. Ann acted surprised; her tears of joy were real. For a while they fed each other and then she laid back and reached for him. They kissed and fondled for a long time; when he started to reach for a condom, Ann said, "I'm OK tonight, we don't need one." Their love making was sweet, practiced, for being close and for saying "I love you." Tonight was not a wild crazy night, with contorted positions, locked in the bathroom, trying to be quiet or pressing to get the other to go higher and higher into ecstasy. Tonight was sex for the sake of love. Paul slid between her legs and thrust into her until Ann climaxed and he continued until they climaxed together. It was gentle, beautiful and normal. Still they could not deny their mutual fetish.

They were resting quietly when Ann wiggled free and crawled toward the head of the bed. She swung her right leg over Paul's head. His eyes were bright, seeing what she was doing. As she lowered her gaping, wet cunt to his lips, she contracted the muscles around her womb and his cum and her wetness began to flow from her swollen lips. "Remember what you promised me?"

Her body flowed like honey and settled like the softest silk against his anxious mouth and was welcomed by his tongue. For long minutes, Ann tightened and released her muscles and for every contraction, Paul sucked their wetness into his mouth. His cock had never been harder, thicker or longer. It knew Paul had promised to fuck her while he fed her from his mouth until the combination made her scream.

Ann was farther along in the fantasy. When Paul reached to guide his cock into her, Ann's hand was already clutching his shaft and her pussy was searching for the tip. He wanted to voice his pleasure but he had to protect what he had promised. Stroke after stroke, she rose to meet him. Stroke after stroke, her fantasy built. Already her mouth was slightly open and already her tongue searched for his lips.

Her hands grasped the cheeks of his ass and pulled him harder into her. When their bellies slapped together she whispered, "Yes. Even harder. Take me."

Her body was begging to feel his strength, his weight, his dominance, even a little pain. Harder he thrust until her eyes were closed and her heat arched upward and her mouth opened directly under his. Paul kissed her but only a slight trickle escaped his lips. She moaned into him, begging and thrust her hips hard to match his drive into her. Again and again he teased her. Ann's nails dug into his ass and she ground her clit into the base of his cock on ever thrust. She was almost ready. He needed her to tell him.

"I'm going to cum. Please, Paul share with me."

Two times, then three times, he thrust long slow and hard into her. His closed mouth gently touched her open lips and she sucked. His hips ground into her. Her moan signaled that she was beginning, so he opened his mouth slightly. Their combined juices flowed. Ann screamed into his mouth forcing a small stream to flow out of the sides of her mouth. She growled, grunted and roughly devoured his gift. The liquids traded twice and then they fought to swallow. Her lips and face were coated; she had cum but now she would have to endure. Paul's thrust were not hard; they were beyond that, violent, bouncing them high off the bed before he drove her body back down again. At first her body was tender but by the third time she was buried into the mattress her body rose up to demand that he take her higher and higher. For a minute then two he worked to cum into her and feed the dimpled lips of her cervix. Sweat beaded off his face and dropped onto her lips. She licked.

"God, Yes. Take me now, Paul."

His cock responded to her orders, lurched, jumped and his balls contracted painfully. His back arched so all his weight was used to drive his cock into her. She had never taken all of him. Usually, he was so careful not to hurt her. The pain of those two inches forced another scream but he jerked to drive even deeper, not caring this time. This time he would drive his sperm as deep as he could into her. He would possess her. He held the arch until his balls were dry; Ann felt her body open, the pain evaporate and his love flow into her womb. Lovers cannot get closer or give more.

An hour and a half later, Ann moved under him and he lifted his weight off her and kissed all around her lovely cum stained face. She watched his eyes as the love and pleasure was replaced with panic and fear. Surely she was wrong. They cleaned up, went to the bathroom and she nestled into his arm and slept. Twice she woke to see him looking at her. She wondered if he had slept. Instead of asking, she went back to sleep, pushing out every thought, except beauty.

For a week, he did the right things but he seemed distant and dark. On Friday, he asked the girls, "Can you stay over with one of your girlfriends tonight. It is important. I need to talk to your mother." In an hour it was arranged and the house was quiet.

Ann could not imagine any scenario that combined the beauty, their mutual fetish, how good they were together and the blackness that she felt from him.

Paul called her into the big bedroom. He only had his robe on and it was unbelted. His eyes were full of tears and his hands trembled. She was still dressed in her work clothes but he sat her down on the bed and began.

"You know me but you don't know me. It is time that I came clean with you and risk watching you walk away. I never want to see that you fear me or question my love and devotion to you.

"Before the service, I was almost an engineer when my funds ran out, I could not register until my past due college bills were paid and I got a draft notice for Viet Nam. Turned out I had undiscovered talents for surviving, being quiet, spending long periods of time alone and a few unspeakable abilities that the service honed. The service first made me a forward scout, then there was sniping school, then I was loaned to a CIA group that had no ground experience. I came back after a month once, I had a thousand ant bites, dysentery, had lost twenty-five pounds and had scouted farther than any one before. When I returned that time, I was dressed like the VC, all in black. As I got close to a US Marine base, I had soaked a white piece of cloth in water and had it tied around my neck to be a little cooler. There were two sentries on guard about sunset. One called out "Who goes there?" As I answered, the other said, "He looks like a Goddamned Deacon." From then on I was known as "Deacon" and my orders came down that way for four years through the Tet offensive until we started to pull out in 72. After that, I did not read a newspaper for eight years and lived alone in a tent most of that time in Idaho. That was thirty years ago. Sometimes I dream and remember. I like to think all that is behind me and vanished; but it was me. Sometimes I fear it still is. I can still find the hopeless darkness where there is no feeling, no tiredness, no fear and no hope."

Ann's eyes were filled with sympathetic tears, "Why have you told me all that? It was painful for you."

"I have fallen in love with you and the girls. I never want you to feel that pit. I want you to know all about me because I am asking you to stay living in this house. We'll fix yours up, sell it and you can have all the money. I am older that you, beat up and you may be afraid of me after you have heard all this. I never expected to feel like this in my life and I certainly will understand if you say, "No." I have never asked before. I will answer all your questions about years ago. I can give you facts but even after all these years I cannot give you reasons, explanations or explain why so many died, so many were abandoned and others like me came home. I cannot even tell you why I did the things I did. I love my country but I do not trust it. I want to believe in the Christmas story because it is so beautiful, but little in my life says it could be true.




Coming Down Off My Hillside



The more I am with you the more I want you to be happy, to give you, to love you and to be with you. I am very afraid that you will detest me for all that I have done. I am afraid I will make you unhappy. For years, I only accepted myself when I was alone. Now I have fallen in love with you and don't know what to do."

"The stories you had me read about the war. They were about you?"

"Some were. Some were about people I knew. I believed what I was told as a young man and I willingly went on my first tour. They gave me metals and I felt important. In time, I did my job, I was good at it and they gave me even more metals but I did not want them. For years, every night, I saw the faces of those I killed. That went away and I got lost into being alone and writing. When you came, life came. Now I worry that somehow all the old parts will hurt you and mess up our life."

"Twice tonight you have said you love me. That is wonderful to hear because I have fallen in love with you. The girls love you. Together we can keep any of the bad thoughts down. I have waited to hear you ask us to live with you. As your lover, your wife, your mistress -- any of those ways I would say "Yes" and live with you. I am not sure what frightens you. Do you get violent? Do you go on binges?"

"I don't think I can be violent and I haven't done strange, irresponsible things. The fear is not rational. If I am alone, even my thoughts cannot hurt anyone or be hurt by anyone. I want you and the girls more than life, but it is all new and what I have avoided for more than a dozen years."

"Let's relax and let life happen for us day to day. Let's love, make love, fuss at the kids and go to that clump of bushes out in the back. One day at a time, life is not so serious. We cannot see into the future and know what might happen in five or ten years. Can we let this subject go for today, sit nude by the fire, drink wine and enjoy a night without the kids?"

"I would like that, as long as you tell me that you know that I love you."

"I know that you love me and I know that I love you."

-------------------

By the fire Paul and Ann snuggled and drank too much. He had been worried that his mind might wander and he could not stay hard, so he took a full Viagra pill. With all the touching, he was soon hard but neither of them was all that assertive. Ann just scooted onto his lap as he leaned against the couch. She guided his cock into her still slippery pussy and sat leaning against him. They talked about the river house project, ways to decorate the house, where to put the second car and if the kids would be happy. Every minute or so, Paul's cock would jerk and they would giggle but nothing progressed for an hour. The wine bottle was empty. Paul went to get another one and Ann leaned over the ottoman to throw a couple of logs on the fire and stoke the coals.

When Paul returned, he could not imagine his good luck. He knelt behind her, grabbed her ankles and opened her legs. She slid back on the ottoman slightly and tilted her ass up, presenting herself. Paul growled but did not move.

"What's wrong Fido don't you know what to do when a bitch presents herself to you?"

"Woof."

The tight red skin on Fido's cock seemed to be lined up with the bitch's red swollen moist lips but the first two thrusts missed the mark.

"Come on boy, thrust faster, you'll find the right hole."

Another "Woof" was followed by more frantic thrusts.

"Good boy you are getting closer. Ahhhh. Yes, you found the place. Now fuck your bitch and make her howl. Fill her with you cum."

Paul tried to be Fido and thrust fast, then stopped, then a few slow deep strokes and then fast ones again.

"You are such a good boy. Now fuck me hard."

Fido pushed his bitch and the ottoman around the room barking and forcing her to make little whining sounds. They wedged themselves into the corner of the room and then quickly the bitch was panting, thrusting back and her legs trembled. Fido had all he could take and howled and poured his sperm deep into his cuming, appreciative bitch.

Paul rested on Ann's back for a few minutes and then said, "I wish I had a knot and could tie with you and lift a leg over and stand butt to butt."

"Now that is a little kinky even for us."

They rolled on the floor laughing. When the laughter subsided only holding each other mattered. The rug by the fire was fine for tonight. When they woke up cold about two they raced naked to the bedroom and jumped under the comforter.

---------------

For the next month, the pace was furious. All the permits got approved and work started on the lodge. Paul put the work out into the fly fishing community about what was being built and then week by week a beautiful lodge, right on the river, near Piute and Washoe ceremonial grounds began to come together. On one corner of the deck, a good fisherman could cast into the water. The flood had left a wonderful bend in the river and great hiding places for trout.

The first inquiries came in on a Thursday. Ann flitted around nervously and Paul wondered if all the business aspects were bothering her.

"Everything is going to be great. We'll find the right buyer and it will all happen quickly and easily. You'll see. I'll take you out to dinner tonight to your favorite French place. We'll celebrate ahead of time."

After the entre, Ann spoke, "Paul, remember how you needed to confess some things to me and were worried about how I would react?"

He wondered if now she had had some second thoughts. "Yes, Beautiful, I remember."

"Well I have to confess something to you and I am worried about how you will react."

"Nothing you could tell me could change how much I love you."

"Remember how hectic things were about a month ago>"

"Yes."

"I was out of my pills for two days and rushed to get them. Then we had a free night together and I forgot to take one then also. I wasn't safe and I'm pregnant. How do you feel about being a dad?"

Paul could not have been happier. He laughed, danced around the table, made a spectacle out of himself. He lifted Ann out of the chair and spun her around, bumping into two other dinners while he kissed her. Finally, he calmed down and sat down to talk and talk.

About closing time Paul's eyes sparkled and he got that naughty little boy grin that Ann loved so much.

"What are you thinking now?"

"We have to get out stories straight before our kid starts to ask questions."

Ann looked questioningly at him, "I don't understand, what do you mean?"

"I'm sure our child would like to think that he was conceived in soft tender, loving moments in our bed and we should tell him that. However, truthfully, it probably happened with me barking, slapping your ass and pushing my demanding bitch around the floor on the ottoman."

"If that is when it happened and this kid gets both of our craziness, we definitely will have our hands full."