3 comments/ 12703 views/ 1 favorites Andi's Story By: Otazel My name is Andrea, but I will only answer to Andi. Seven years ago, when I was eighteen, I was raped. I had a date with a man, I don't even remember his name now, though maybe I've just blocked it out. Anyway, he got me drunk and took me somewhere quiet and then simply didn't hear the word 'no' even when I was screaming it. God, he hurt me so much. It was the most devastating experience of my life, and whatever you might hear to the contrary, rape is not fine, it's awful. It's frightening, humiliating and utterly demoralising, as well as extremely painful. Show me a woman who say's she enjoyed being raped and I'll show you a liar. I was a virgin then, and it was years before I let a man get near me again. This is the story of how I eventually managed it. I didn't tell anyone about my rape. I just walked home, crying all the way and being ignored by the people that passed me, then I got in the shower and scrubbed myself raw. I wanted to clean every bit of the dirty bastard's contamination off of me, every bit of skin that he might have touched, every possible atom that he might have left behind. I felt so unclean, so polluted by him, defiled and degraded, and, silly as it sounds, I felt guilty about it as well. I just wanted to put it behind me, but that was wishful thinking. The physical bruises soon went, but the mental hurt remained and I went into a period of depression and agoraphobia. I couldn't even face opening the curtains some mornings, let alone going out and facing the world. Needless to say the company I was working for soon got fed up with a continually absent employee who couldn't give a reason, and they decided they could do without me altogether. That was the worst period of my life; the arsehole was still beating up on me inside my head, pushing my nose into what he'd done. He'd probably forgotten the quick shag that he'd had to fight for from a petite, naive teenager, but I could never get it out of my mind. That time lasted for a full year before I began to take heed of the bastard's words as he pushed me out of his car. "You've just been fucked, that's all. Get over it." So I did get over it. I used his words as my mantra and I fought my way back to reality, making some sort of viable life for myself. I'd been working at a graphic design studio, and I figured that I could do that from home without having to go out into the world. I wasn't ready for exploring the world again then, not that I am now, really. I studied online, and found to my delight that I was good at it. Eventually I began to take commissions, small at first but then bigger and better. Now I have my own clientele, including a couple of names that you'll find along the High St, and my bank balance is looking better and better. But I was still not over it altogether. I didn't go out if I didn't have to, I'd still never had another boyfriend and my circle of friends was just one -- my lifelong buddy, Linda, who was by then married and lived too far away just to pop round for a coffee. Even she knew nothing about my experience; she thought I just preferred that kind of existence. I don't think she realised how much I looked forward to her occasional visits, when she would drive over to spend a day with me. Okay, I was lonely, unbearably, unendingly lonely, not just for company, but bizarrely, for physical intimacy as well. I think nature intended me to be a passionate woman with a strong libido, because although I couldn't let myself have a man, I frequently felt horny and I often masturbated frantically just trying to keep my urges under control. I needed someone in bed beside me, someone I could reach for in the night, someone to make me feel wanted, and someone to satisfy my needs. I'd even thought of going to bed with a woman, but although the thought of the human warmth appealed, the package it would be wrapped up in didn't. It was just not my thing. Basically I needed a man, even though my brain wouldn't let me have one. But it's strange how fate intervenes, isn't it, and it intervened for me just at the right moment. I'd steeled myself for the umpteenth time to the idea of rejoining the dating game to prevent myself from drifting irreversibly down the path that leads to old maids, but before I could actually do anything about it, David wandered into my life. David was sent around by a software company that I deal with, to reinstall and debug a new software programme that was giving me problems, and I figured that I would take advantage of him. No, I don't mean take advantage of him in that way, I wouldn't dream of doing that to anyone - for obvious reasons. What I meant was that I intended to try out my conversational skills on him, just to see if I could get into a friendly chat with a stranger of the opposite sex. To look at David was quite ordinary - tallish, darkish, and slimish, you know what I mean. He suffered from having the scarring left behind by bad acne, but on the plus side he had lovely blue eyes, as pale as my brown eyes are dark, and a ready lop-sided smile. As he worked I kept him well supplied with coffee and with my own version of light conversation. It must have sounded a bit forced, but I made the right sort of inane comments about what he was doing, cracked a couple of silly jokes and asked him a few questions about himself. He wasn't the most communicative of people and so I accepted the challenge and kept chatting, until finally I'd managed to get him to laugh and to give more than monosyllabic answers. He was twenty-two, lived alone apart from a tank full of fish, and didn't have a girlfriend. No, he wasn't gay, he told me, taking my light-hearted, jokey question seriously, he just didn't have a girlfriend. There was something about the way he spoke. The 'please don't probe to deeply' way he tried to fend off talking about his love life rang a bell with me, and so, of course, I did just that. It was late afternoon by the time, thanks to my hindrance, that he'd got my computer up and running with the new software and, for some reason I'll never figure out, I impulsively asked him to stay and eat with me. I'd come to the conclusion, purely instinctively, that I could probably trust him and that here was a fellow traveller, and anyway, I'd felt a slight but unmistakeable bond grow up between us. Perhaps he had felt the same and perhaps that was why he accepted. Slowly but surely, as the meal progressed, he came out of his shell, and slowly but surely I felt safer in his company. In the end I asked him bluntly how come he didn't go out with girls, and he responded by turning the question around and asking why I didn't go out with men. We came to an arrangement. If he told me his reasons, then I would tell him mine. So that is what we did. A bit hesitantly at first on both sides, but then more and more honestly as we found out more about each other, until in the end we were discussing our problems quite openly. David's story was almost a mirror image of my own. It seems that he had made a mess of trying to deflower his first girlfriend, who by way of retaliation had taunted him unmercifully, and when they inevitably split up she had then put it about the neighbourhood that he couldn't get it up. That rumour had turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy and now he was an impotent virgin, sexually active only between the ears, just like me. His fun, like mine, relied purely on his hand. He'd tried, but as soon as he was faced with taking the sexual initiative with a girl, his erection disappeared like grilled snowflakes. At least I knew that I was safe in his company, a man who couldn't get a hard on was hardly a potential rapist, now was he? I was also impressed with his non-judgemental acceptance of my own tale. Not once did he comment on my stupidity for allowing a first date to end in a lover's lane, nor ask if I'd led the guy on at all. He took what I said at face value, as I did him. "Not an easy thing to break out of, is it?" He observed after we'd both confessed to feeling imprisoned by our experiences. That chance remark turned both of our lives around, certainly it did mine and I think the same applies to David. It led to our discussing how we could break out of our past bonds and under what circumstances we could see ourselves sleeping with a member of the opposite sex. In its turn that discussion led to the most unexpected and outlandish arrangement I've ever heard of. As we discussed our needs it slowly dawned on us that we were two sides of the same coin. I was scared shitless by the idea of an aggressively active partner, while David believed he could only respond if he didn't have to 'do' anything. But neither of us believed that we would ever meet the right someone who corresponded to our individual requirements, until David unwittingly pointed out that we already had. "What I need." He told me. "Is someone like you, someone who would be happier to be the 'doer' than the 'done to'. Then I could probably relax and let them." "And I." I responded. "Might well be okay having a man who is prepared to 'lie there and let me'." We looked at each other silently for a few moments, both of us abruptly seeing a light that was not an oncoming train. The trouble was, nether of us could get up the nerve to say what was on our minds, at least, not straight out. "So." I said slowly. "If I could find a man like you, and you could find a woman like me, we'd both be happy?" "That's about it." He agreed, knowing exactly what I was creeping up on. I looked at him and he looked at me, each of us hoping that the other would make the move. Moments became seconds and seconds threatened to become minutes. It couldn't go on forever, and I reluctantly came to the conclusion that, as the 'active' one, it was down to me to say it. "Could you respond to me, do you think?" I asked in the end. "I think so. Could you risk it?" I took a deep breath. "Yes. If you can?" He nodded a silent consent, and then smiled broadly as if a weight had been lifted. "Then, shall we?" He asked and it was my turn to nod mute consent. "Can you stay a while?" I asked. "As long as you want." "I'm gonna need a safety net." I told him. "I've got to let someone else know you're here, do you mind?" He shook his head, and I phoned Linda. She was puzzled when I asked her to keep phoning me about once an hour, and to call the police if I didn't answer, but she agreed without asking too many questions. I think the explanation that I had a man with me at long last was enough for her for the time being, although her tone made it clear that I was in for a grilling when she saw me next. For the next ten minutes we sat and stared at each other, each of us waiting for some indication that the other was ready to begin. Each of us was a scared for different reason's, but mainly because we knew that this was going to be our best, if not only, chance to grasp normality. In the end I took the bull by the horns once again, standing up and offering a hand to David to raise him also to his feet. I led the way upstairs with my heart hammering so hard that I really thought I would either faint or have a heart attack. I was so fucking scared, and yet at the same time I was so excited, so exhilarated at the prospect of the real pleasure after all this time. I wasn't at all turned on, I was far too anxious for that, but I just knew it would turn out alright and I couldn't wait to be able to tell myself that I was normal hot-blooded woman after all. We undressed in silence, watching each other from opposite sides of the bed whilst pretending not to. It was the first time I'd stripped with intent, as you might say, in front of a man, and so I was feeling shy. It took a real effort to show myself to him, to stop my hands from covering the bits that count, and to stop my feet from racing back down the stairs. I forced my hands and feet to behave and I let his eyes wander over me. At least I was happy with my body; I didn't mind David seeing that, although the context was a bit scary. I'm small and slim, but my boobs stand up for themselves, with nice dark areoles and nipples, and I've a flat stomach and nice bum. My only failing, I think, is that my legs are a bit short for my body. David was much as I expected. Slim almost to the point of being skinny, with smooth pale skin and long gangly legs. He was no Mr Universe, but then I didn't want Mr Universe, I wanted Mr Trustworthy, the man who would let me make the running without having to demonstrate his macho strength. I saw too, that I had little to fear about being abused again, because his cock hung soft, shrunken and flaccid, his long foreskin covering the head almost entirely. As I looked at David across the bed I that he was trembling, shaking from head to toe with nerves. A comment jumped to my tongue, but then I noticed that I too was quivering, scared stiff about what was about to happen, or at least what I hoped was about to happen. We were both fighting hard to control our fears. "Do you really want this?" I asked him, half hoping that he would say no and give me the excuse that I wouldn't allow for myself. "Very much." He replied earnestly. "I'm never going to find a nicer teacher, and if it's not now it'll probably be never." I smiled very nervously, happy both at the compliment and because he had taken away any possible pretext to pull out. He was also right about the now or never bit too. He climbed onto the bed and lay stretched out on his back, his hands by his side, fists clenched with worry, and I clambered on alongside him. I lay on my side, looking at him beside me and wondering how to begin, while he gazed fixedly at the ceiling, his eyes only occasionally flicking across to me before returning to stare straight upwards. It was not the easiest beginning, but I was determined to make it work. I didn't fear him, and that gave me an opportunity that I just daren't miss. We lay together for nearly a minute before I dared act. I know that doesn't sound long, but I suggest you lie naked next to a man and wonder if you dare touch him, and then see how long it seems to you. Eventually I gritted my mental teeth and reached out. I didn't aim directly for his penis, I wasn't yet confident enough to do that without the fear that I would react by pulling my hand away as soon as contact was made. Instead I just softly laid my palm flat on his stomach, feeling his muscles instantly contract at my touch, the little flutter of movement beneath his skin, startling and yet pacifying me slightly. I smiled inwardly, I was touching a man's skin and I wasn't screaming in terror. I started to move my hand, gliding it over his abdomen, taking in the difference between his skin and my own, the slightly coarser texture of male skin feeling right and a little bit wonderful. I gained in confidence and let my hand wander further afield, across his chest, touching the tiny buds of his nipples, down and over his hips, along the length of his near thigh, marvelling at my own audacity and at the lovely sensations I was receiving. But I still hadn't touched him where it counted, I still avoided his groin. I knew I needed to do it, I wanted to do it, to feel his manhood in my hand, but I couldn't quite get myself to hold him. My hand went back to his chest while I plucked up the courage, roaming over his nipples, not sure but thinking them to be slightly larger, slightly harder than the last time and taking heart from that tiny fact. I was going to do it; I was going to touch him. I brought my hand onto the centreline of his body, and then with my eyes fixed on his face ready for any reaction, I let my fingers trace a gentle path southwards towards his groin. A slight indentation, a little crater in his flesh, surprised me, making me wonder where I was on his body, but then a quick glance told me I had found his navel and I grinned at my own silliness. But now I knew I was on the last lap, just bare inches from his cock. I let my hand venture nearer, raising my palm from his skin and feeling my way with fingertips, searching for that ultimate prize, and then finding it. At first just the tips of my two longest fingers touched him and my hand froze, not daring to move until I became used to the idea and he had the chance to react. His response was just a quick little exhalation, just a tiny acknowledgement that he could feel me there and that he didn't object. With my heart thumping even harder I moved further to lay my palm flat over his cock, feeling it as a soft and supple roll of cool skin under my hand, his wiry pubic hair now against my fingertips. I let my hand rest there for a minute or so, watching David's face closely for any reaction, any sign of a macho man resurfacing, but he simply lay there compliant, his eyes still fixed upon the ceiling. I closed my fingers around his cock, making an 'o' between finger and thumb, an 'o' that he failed to come close to filling. Was this little fleshy tag the weapon that I'd been scared of for so long? Taking it between the pads of finger and thumb I started to play with it, I rolled it, bent it back and forth, gently tugged at it, and then squeezing gently I started to move up and down, making it's loose skin move along its short length as if masturbating. All this time David had not made any response other than that first little sigh, but now he groaned quietly as if enjoying my attentions, but his cock remained soft and flaccid to make a liar of his noises. I was feeling far more secure now, far happier to take things that little bit further, because I was definitely the one in charge and it would be my decision as to how far things progressed -- just so long as David eventually became hard for me. After a short while I stopped manipulating him to rest my hand flat once more and then slid it down until my fingers could cup his scrotum and gently fondle his balls. Now I was very much aware that I was touching the engine house of a man's urges, the very things that drove someone to do what had been done to me. For an instant the irrational thought flashed through my mind that if I tore these two little glands out, then every woman would be that little bit safer in the future. But my past experience was hardly David's fault and in any case I'm not naturally a violent person. I brushed the thought away and concentrated on the novel and pleasant sensation of rolling his balls in my hand. David groaned slightly again and parted his legs to give me better access, and I realised that his noises were not yet those of pleasure, but of encouragement for me to go further. I smiled at him, a genuine smile of contentment, and reached to hold his sac in my palm, my fingers just lightly stroking his perineum. At last his cock responded, twitching slightly as it uncurled itself on his abdomen, like some little animal awakening and stretching on its bed. I squeezed and massaged his balls gently, pleased with myself for getting a response, watching as his cock lengthened and straightened with little twitches and jerks until it slowly lifted itself from his stomach to stand hard and proud away from his body. David was clearly not frightened of my actions any more than I was of his, and I knew, just knew for sure, that we would be alright together. I smiled happily at him once more and this time, a little hesitantly, he returned my smile. It was time I touched a real hard cock, a man's erect and primed maleness, but this time at my own instigation. "Thank you." His whisper was unexpected. "For what?" I asked, puzzled. "For making me hard. I didn't think it would happen." "My pleasure." It was too. This time when I tried my finger and thumb could not close around his cock. It was far larger, longer, harder and even warmer than before, its vein wrapped shaft throbbing gently under my touch. My heart was beating faster again, but this time not from fear or trepidation, but from simple anticipation. Andi's Story My phone rang. "This is your hourly wake-up call." Linda's voice began as soon as I'd said hello. "Is everything alright there?" There was just a hint of genuine concern on her voice, as if she wasn't quite sure how I would answer. "Yes, everything is fine, but thanks for asking." "How fine?" "Very fine." "Have you had him yet?" "Linda!" I exclaimed, shocked at the question. "You can't ask someone that." "Well, that's what you're going to do, isn't it?" She was asking without knowledge of my history, asking as one would a normal woman, and I realised she was going to get the normal and expected answer. "Probably. I'll tell you the next time you ring." I still wasn't sure enough to dispense with her backing. "Okay, bye for now. Enjoy!" She sounded happy for me. Intuition is strong in Linda. She might not know about me, but she could tell how important the occasion was. I put my phone down and at the same time shuffled down the bed just a little, bringing myself to eye-level with his ribcage. I wanted to get a better look at this thing that had caused me so much trouble, and which I now hoped would bring me equal pleasure. I know I keep sounding as if it were David's cock that had molested me, but you'll have to understand that I still tended to view all men, and therefore all cocks, in the same light. What I was doing was very difficult for me, even though I was feeling much more relaxed about it than I'd expected. I'd never held an erect penis before, and I was intrigued by the feel. It seemed as if a hard and hot interior was surrounded by a loose layer of skin, one that would move up and down and around and around independently of its core, most peculiar. I played with it, getting used to the sensation and actually quite enjoying it. I watched fascinated as David's foreskin slid back and forth over the head of his cock, revealing and then hiding the little eye in the centre, the little eye that I knew could spurt cum at the right moment. I pulled back the foreskin and ran the ball of my thumb around the dark red, almost purple head it revealed, gently stroking his glans and marvelling at the texture of it and the heat it radiated. So different from the soft, squidgy little worm I had first encountered. For some reason, I've no idea what, I had the sudden impulse, the sudden desire to kiss his cock, and so that's what I did. I just bent over and planted my lips on his head, not in any sexy way, but just kissing it affectionately. David let out a gasp of astonished delight as I drew back and surveyed the object of my affection. "Thank you." He told me in a happy whisper, his thanks surprising me as much as my own precipitate action. I didn't answer; I just smiled and bent forward once more, this time opening my mouth and engulfing it, pushing his foreskin back with my lips. I'd not thought to do anything like that, but it felt right and I was enjoying it. Not only that, but I was becoming aware of a lovely sensation in my pussy that told me that I was becoming as turned on as he was. I ran my tongue over his head, swirling it around to taste his flesh, feeling happy at being nearly normal at long last. I didn't suck on him, I didn't want him to cum in my mouth, but I held it in my mouth for what seemed ages, licking and kissing his head, absorbing the pleasure of such intimate contact and listening to David giving little moans, this time of pure pleasure. David moved suddenly, making me glance around as far as I could without releasing his cock. He had pulled his hand out from under me, where it had been alongside his own hip since we started, and I felt it rest on my shoulder, fingertips hard on my skin in confirmation of his growing pleasure. His other hand was still lying beside him, but it was grasping at the bed cover as his arousal increased and became more urgent. He was beginning to make little involuntary thrusts into my mouth and he would, I realised, cum pretty soon if I carried on with what I was doing. So I raised my head, licking my lips and smiling over at him from unadulterated bliss, just carrying on softly stroking his shaft with my fingertips. I wasn't quite sure what to do next, I'd felt his cock in my mouth and loved it, and now I really wanted to feel it in my pussy. I was so tempted to simply straddle him and sit on that lovely hard cock, but to my inexperienced mind he seemed too close to cumming to last long if I did that, and I badly wanted my first intentional sex to be slow and satisfying, not a rushed job to get there before he shot his load. I'd heard other women talk of wanking or blowing a man just to 'take the edge off', so that he could last longer thereafter, so I decided to play with him some more. After all, he was a young man and if he did happen to cum then he would probably be able to do it again, and if he couldn't, well then I'd at least experienced touching a man, and there was always another time. I'd no real idea how to wank him off, but I'd seen enough porn photos and such like to have a good idea. I wrapped my hand around his shaft and began the up and down motion that I believed should do the job, all the time watching his face for signs of pleasure or otherwise. It didn't take me long to figure out that squeezing slightly on the up stroke and then running my thumb over his tip seemed to work best. Maybe other men prefer other ways, I didn't know, but this seemed to work for David. It was nice to lie beside him resting on one elbow and see the expressions flit across his face. After a few minutes I felt wetness on my thumb as I stroked his head. For a moment I was a bit surprised, but then I realised that this was the pre-cum that I'd heard about, something men secrete when they're fully aroused. Well, at least then I knew I was doing it right. I looked at the eye of his cock the next time I milked him and sure enough, a tiny bead of clear sticky fluid gathered right at the tip. I couldn't stop myself from smiling at this success. He was still making little moaning noises and his hips were still gently pushing back against my strokes, but now he was beginning to roll his head from side to side and his eyes were gazing off into the distance. I knew what this meant from my own self pleasuring, David was about to cum, but he told me so anyway. "Please don't stop, Andi, I'm going to cum." His voice was thick and tight. He came only seconds later, quite abruptly and without any further warning. All of a sudden he let out a low animal-like growl and pushed his hips high, as if thrusting deep into a woman, and his cum fountained into the air. I'd never seen it happen before but it was just as I'd hoped, several large strong spurts that shot from him to spatter down on his stomach and chest and then a few weaker ones that simply welled up from his cock and dribbled over my fingers as they ran down his shaft. I found that I actually liked the feel of his warm slimy cum running over my skin; it was very, very erotic. I kept my hand around his shaft right up until his climax subsided and his cock began to turn limp and flaccid once more. Then I rubbed my fingers together, feeling the slipperiness of his cream between my fingertips. "Thank you." He told me breathlessly. "That was amazing." "You're very welcome, I enjoyed doing it." I was equally sincere. I reached for a tissue, not really wanting to wipe his cum from my hand but knowing that I had to. "But what about you?" He asked. "You aren't going home yet, are you?" I asked him jokingly. "My turn will come in a bit." "Too right it will." My head shot up at what sounded a very aggressive remark, but he was grinning ear to ear and I smiled back at him in understanding. I shuffled up and leaned over him to kiss him gently on the lips, feeling my breasts pressing lightly against his cum splattered skin. It was a very gentle, sweetheart kind of kiss, with mouths open but without tongues, and it felt so fine. His arm came over and enveloped me, holding me tighter to him. I kissed him again, and this time it was a real lover's kiss in a real lover's embrace. When I eventually pulled away it was because we'd both run out of breath and because my arm was hurting from propping me up at such a weird angle. I suppose really I should say when I peeled away, because his cum was sticking us together at the front, a very erotic feeling it was too. "Will it come back, or does it need a bit of help?" I asked him, glancing pointedly at his flaccid cock. He grinned. "A little help never hurt, now did it?" It was shrunken, soft, and slimy between my fingers when I took hold of it again, but I was getting quite confident in my safety by now and I knew what I was going to do to solve those problems all in one go. I wriggled back down the bed again and, after hesitating and thinking about it for a moment, I bent over his wet cock and took it into my mouth. A soft, cum covered cock feels strange, but it tastes beautiful and I recommend it to anyone who hasn't tried it, so long as you're female of course. A man's cum has a taste all its own, and I liked it. I let my tongue go all over it, sucking and licking to get every last drop. "Jesus, that's nice." He told me, squirming under my attentions. I just smiled and kept at it, keeping my mouth over his cock so that my tongue could work on all of it. I liked what I was doing, and so, apparently, did David, because very soon his cock was twitching and lengthening once more, but this time still in my mouth. Soon it was fully erect once more and I could only cope with some of it, deep-throating was a skill I had heard of but had yet to learn. I was enjoying sucking him, but now the urge to fuck him was taking over and I knew the moment was approaching, the moment I'd waited for and dreaded. I was going to have a man inside me again. My phone rang. "You must have had him by now?" Linda asked the moment I answered. "Well." I told her. "I had to stop what I was doing to answer the phone." "You mean...?" She had jumped to the wrong conclusion. "Damn. I'd have loved to talk to you whilst he was fucking you. I've never done that, talked on the phone to someone who was being fucked I mean, and you've just spoiled my chance." "That's not what I meant." I told her giggling softly. "I meant that it's rude to talk with your mouth full." "Oh, I see. Oh well, get back to it, and make sure you swallow. Talk to you in an hour." She had pictured things her way, but I wasn't going correct her. "No, Linda. I'm going to be alright now. Ring me in the morning and I'll tell you how I got on, okay?" "Okay, if you're sure?" "I am, goodnight and thanks for being a mate." "No problem. You know, I've often wondered why they call it a blow job, 'cos you don't blow, do you? Bye for now." She rang off, chuckling merrily. I turned back to David and, seeing his questioning face, told him roughly what she had said before reaching for his cock once again. As soon as I felt the warmth of his hard cock in my hand I knew it was time. I wanted him inside me. For years I'd been envious of people with a proper sex life, and now mine was gong to start. "Are you ready?" I asked him, running my hand slowly along the length of his shaft, feeling the hard strength of it before it went inside me. "To lose my virginity? You bet!" For a moment he threw me. Even though I knew his background I hadn't really understood that he was still a genuine virgin, and a sense of responsibility landed heavily on my shoulders. Although my technical virginity was long gone, this was the first time for me too, willingly at least. I was going to have to be good at it for both of us. "Lie still then." I told him. "I'm not used to this either." He nodded, licked his lips from nerves or anticipation maybe both and then, for some reason, interlaced his hands behind his head. My mouth had suddenly gone dry and my heart was pounding like a war-drum, this really was now or never. I straddled him, kneeling over him for long seconds while I gathered all my courage together, and then I reached behind me to take hold of his cock and guide it towards my anxious but eager pussy. I lowered myself slowly until I felt the tip of his cock touch my entrance, and I froze. For a second the horror of the last time I'd had such contact flooded back to me and I couldn't move. There I knelt in the most awkward half crouching position, one hand propping me up and the other wrapped David's cock, the same sort of weapon that had done so much damage before. "It's alright." David's soft voice came to me through a fog of fear. "You don't have to do it if you don't want to." But I did have to. The rock hardness of his cock and the throb of need in my pussy told me I had to do it, all I had to do was get up the nerve. I shook my head at him. "I'll be alright in a minute." I told him, hoping I was telling the truth. I was testing his patience, I knew, but I still hesitated. I wanted to, I desperately wanted to, but I couldn't persuade my muscles to move. "Take your time. We can wait for another day if you'd sooner." That was the last thing I wanted to do. I needed a fuck, and right now, if only I could overcome my fear. In the end it was gravity and friction that solved the problem. I was too scared to do anything myself, but as I hesitated my knees were moving almost imperceptibly apart, sliding on the bed sheets and lowering me onto David's cock. I realised what was happening when I felt his cock gradually forcing my pussy open as I slipped down onto it, and so, not to put to fine a point on it, I let myself be fucked by default. Not the most erotic way to begin perhaps, but it worked for me. David clearly thought it was intentional, because he grinned up at me and whispered a thankful 'oh, yes, Andi'. Now there was no turning back even if I'd wanted to. Very carefully and very slowly I lowered myself further onto David's shaft, taking more and more of him inside me until my slit was pressed against the base of his cock. Why I needed to go so slowly I'm not sure. I told myself it was in case it hurt, but as hard plastic vibrators hadn't there was no real reason why flesh and blood should, and indeed it didn't. In fact it felt more wonderful the deeper I was entered. "We've made it." I told him happily as I knelt with him all the way inside me. "Yes. Although I didn't think we would at one point." He sounded breathless with excitement, and I knew exactly which point he was referring to. I paused for a moment to absorb the strangely feared but amazing sensation of my pussy filled with cock, and then I began to rise and fall slowly on his shaft, feeling it sliding along my tunnel. I was no longer worried about it, but I was still glad to be the one in control, able to end things if I needed to. "I'm fucking you, David." I told him with open delight, confirming the obvious. "God, yes. Thank you, Andi." "Stop saying 'thank you'." I chided him gently. "It's me who should be thanking you." He grinned in acquiescence and closed his eyes to absorb his pleasure. I rode him like that for a number of long and beautiful minutes, feeling his wonderful hardness sliding in and out of me, but soon the tension in my leg muscles began to tell, and although I was getting more and more aroused and even daring to dream of an orgasm, I had to stop. I sat down on him, resting my weight on him and taking him to my full depth, feeling his cock reach the end of my passageway. It felt marvellous and I gazed down at my lover, yes I could say 'my lover' now, and smiled from total happiness. He smiled back and I impulsively bent over, still holding him inside me, and kissed him on the mouth. His arms came around and embraced me, and it was another proper lover's kiss, lips parted and with our tongues playing in each other's mouths, all the time with him deep inside me. Still kissing I began to move slightly, lifting my bottom and lowering it a little, just to feel him there. He groaned softly into my mouth and started to push up at me, very gently and very slowly, but now he was fucking me instead of the other way around. I sighed in absolute bliss and just held myself slightly above him, taking those slow deep thrusts and delighting in them. He started to speed up, his thrusts getting more urgent, more forceful, and still I loved it. Soon he was ramming upwards as hard as he could, still with his arms around my back, keeping me in a close embrace. It was beautiful, but like me, he was very slow to reach a climax and he eventually too ran out of steam, slowing down and stopping, gazing up apologetically into my eyes. Deep inside me the first signs of an orgasm were stirring, something I was desperate to experience from normal sex and I was determined to carry on. I pulled myself free of his embrace without even thinking about it and began again to fuck him from above. Now I was fully aroused and the warmth inside me told of an impending climax, and so I too began to go faster, rising up and plunging back down, forcefully impaling myself on his cock, feeling it slamming into me as I dropped down onto it. Soon I felt David start to meet my plunges with counterthrusts of his own, making each thrust more and more powerful, and more and more stimulating. "I think I'm going to cum soon." He gasped up at me, his upward thrusts now becoming a little more erratic. "Me too." I grinned happily. "And it's going to be a good one." David beat me to it. Suddenly I heard him groan loudly and felt him push hard upwards, and then I felt his cum spray into me, beautiful creamy cum filling my pussy, spurt after hot spurt of it. All the time he was pushing up and I was pushing down so that his cock was shooting into me as deep inside as it could possibly get. It was sensational, and that's what made me cum too. If you're a woman you'll know what a really, really strong orgasm can do, and if you're a man - use your imagination. I pushed down onto him and it was as if a damn full of hot electricity burst inside me to send wave after wave after wave of exquisite, almost painfully exquisite, joy radiating out from deep in my pelvis right to my fingertips. I cried out, not words, just sounds of pure unadulterated pleasure that I'd never used before. When our climaxes finally subsided both of us were completely exhausted. David lay with his arms and legs spread-eagled, his chest heaving and a sheen of post coital sweat covering his body. He was shivering, trembling like a leaf and totally unable to speak, and I'm sure I didn't look any better. I just collapsed forward on top of him, letting his slick and shrinking cock slip from me to leave me with a strange but strong sense of loss. I glanced at the clock on the bedside table and mentally noted that at nine fourteen pm on May 8th I'd just been fucked properly, and I hoped I'd never get over it. For both of us the past was now buried and our futures could begin.