12 comments/ 24231 views/ 11 favorites A Long Good-bye By: Cromagnonman I stood at the lectern looking over the packed chapel. In the front row were my immediate family, son Andrew and daughter Jessica, mother Frances and father Brian, and my mother and father Betty and Peter. The rest of the people came from a variety of sources with one thing in common, they have all come to say good-bye to Miranda Williamson, my wife. "I have instructions from Miranda, she asked that I should lead you all through these moments together. This is her faith in my love for her and my strength that her love for me has given me. I will begin with her words." I took a sheet of paper from my pocket, placed it on the lectern and spread it open. "I fought this battle for as long as I could, sadly I have lost. But I went down fighting, I did not give in to it, I did not give up my life, it was taken from me. I ask that you show similar courage today and hold your heads high." 'Wet not my lips with your tears of sadness at my passing. Remember instead the joys of our times together, And the love that we shared between us, Allowing us to rise above the hard times, And to enjoy our perfect lives together. Wet not my lips with your tears of sadness at my passing.' "I will try to live up to her faith in me but, if I don't succeed, I'm sorry my Darling, forgive me. I will eventually rise above this sad day and remember only the good times we had together, but please allow me to grieve for just a while." "The Miranda I loved was the most wonderful person that I have ever met. She came into my life at just the right time, a time when I was looking for direction, for a point to life. I had just graduated from University and had begun my first job, I could quite easily have gone down the path that so many young men of my age had taken, that of endless parties, drunken debauchery, but she was a steadying influence. Don't get me wrong, we had a good time, but in moderation. When the time came for our relationship to move to the next level it was a joint decision, thought through by us, it all sounds clinical, but it wasn't so. Like all of our decisions, once made it was acted on with love. Our decision to marry was the same, if I'd got down on one knee and asked her to marry me she would have told me not to be stupid. We were talking about our future and marriage entered into the plans and it was decided that this was the best thing for us to do, so we did. Those of you who were there at our wedding will remember it to have been a day of immense celebration. The decision to have Andrew wasn't planned, it was inevitable. When two people love each other as much as we did and made love as much as we did, the chances of her falling pregnant are pretty high. Having said that, we never looked on Andrew in any other way than that he was our son who was the result of our loving each other." "Throughout our lives together Miranda and I never lost that spark of love that existed from the very first moment we met. There were times when we were tested, but these times were the opportunity we needed to demonstrate to each other the power of that love we had for each other. This was even more so when she received the news that she had cervical cancer. Doctor Matt, our Doctor, called us both in to his surgery to break the news. He knew that I needed to be there, he knew that Miranda needed me there when he broke the news. It wasn't easy for him, he'd been our doctor for years and knew us well, and this led him to the best way to how to break the news. 'I won't beat about the bush because I think that you already know what I'm going to say. What I will do is to go through the alternative treatments available to you and discuss with you the pro's and con's of all of them. We will then reach a decision, it is your decision, I'm just here on an advisory capacity, and I will honour the decision that you make.' We talked about it for several minutes and, when we decided what to do, he promised his full support. He never went back on that promise or attempted in any way to influence that decision, and for that we are all grateful." "Miranda's final days should have been sad if it wasn't for her spirit and determination, but the last week was particularly difficult for her, the pain was getting to her. But that last day she rose above that pain, it was as if she had decided that she was ready to go. If, when my time comes, I can leave with the same dignity that she showed, I will be happy. Good-bye my love, I will miss you but I know, I can feel inside me, that your love will never leave me just as my love for you will never die. Good-bye." "Miranda was not a church person, but she was the most Christian person that I have ever met, and this made her a good person. She loved church music and we'll listen to her favourite piece, the Gloria from Misa Criolla, the Tenor on this version is Jose Carreras. She told me one day that this piece was the perfect antidote for a down moment, the beginning raised her spirits while the quiet movement allowed her a moment of reflection in which she could work through whatever the problem was before the finale raised her feelings and lifted her away from the problem. I hope that it does the same for your here today." I pushed the button on the media player and the Latin rhythm swelled up and filled the room, raising the spirits before easing into the slow section, before once more swelling, raising its rhythms into the highest point of the room. "I will now call on our son Andrew to reflect on his times with her." Andrew stood and walked to the lectern. He had a piece of paper that he spread out and then ignored. "I had a speech prepared to read out today but, listening to that music I decided that I would allow my heart to guide me. Mother was to me the person that I could turn to for advice, for love, for her gentle soothing of my hurts whether they be physical or emotional. She was as adept at repairing my skinned knees as she was at my broken heart when my first true love dumped me, and I felt that my world had come to an end. She lifted me up by telling me that she hadn't died when her first true love had cruelly discarded her for another. Her words to me were, that if that hadn't happened she would never have met her real 'one true love', my father." "She was the glue that held our family together, Father was the solid foundation that was always there to give us something to cling to and to love us, but Mother was the one who solved the little problems that all families have. She it was, who could be relied on to feed our friends when they came over, and made sure that we all followed the rules. She would listen to their problems and if she could, she'd help them through it, or if they wanted, intercede with their parents. The beauty of it was that my friends' parents never felt that she was intruding into their lives and respected her for what she did." "She and Father provided us with an example of what family life should be like. They never argued in front of Jess and I, but I'm sure that words were spoken in the privacy of their bedroom, but they never emerged unhappy in the mornings. This became even more obvious following the diagnoses from hell, she had cancer. She had been feeling unwell for a while and Father convinced her that she should get it checked out, the news was bad. I have to thank our GP (doctor) here, he told her straight up front that the news wasn't good, and that she was in for a rough time of it, and that she shouldn't bear the burden herself, that we, her family would support her, that he would support her in whatever treatment path she chose." "She was inspirational, when the chemo resulted in her hair loss, she came out one day, and this is the first time that I ever heard her swear, she said, 'fuck it, I'm not hiding under a wig, or a bandana, that would tell people that I was suffering from cancer, I'm bald and proud of it and I'm fighting this thing with my head held high. It might get me in the end but it ain't gunna get me easy.' When the time eventually came she gathered us together and held our hands, she looked at each of us and whispered that she was proud to have been a part of us. Her last words were, 'Good-bye my Darlings, I leave you knowing that we have loved each other, please kiss me good-bye so I can leave in peace.' She spoke to each of us individually and, while I don't know what she said to the others, her words to me were of hope and love. We each kissed her lips and she closed her eyes and left us." "I have cried often since then, but in honour of her, I will try to obey her by not crying now. Good-bye Mother, I love you." I stepped up to him and hugged him to me for a moment before releasing him. He stood next to me. "We will hear another of her favourite pieces, this time it is the Adagio movement from Rodrigo's Concerto de Aranjues." The music again filled the room and the people listened in silence until it finished. Nothing was said as the final chords filled the air but there was an exhalation of breath from them all. "I will now ask Jessica to say a few words." Jessica was so much like a smaller and younger version of Miranda it wasn't funny. In time she would grow to be exactly like her mother, but she had a few years to go yet. She stood looking over the crowd while she gathered her thoughts. "Mother, you left me before you were supposed to, you didn't get a chance to see me grow into a woman. I wanted so much to be able to show you that I could be just like you, to do things the way that you did. I wanted to be just like you, and I will be, but fate has taken you from me, from us before you could see the result of your efforts. You were my role model in everything, when I had a problem, it was you that I turned to for help, it was you who taught me the valuable lessons in life, and when you were sick, you taught me another valuable lesson, how to die with dignity. It was you who told me that death was not to be feared, and that it was just the final chapter of life." "Andrew mentioned that she helped him when his first girlfriend dumped him. I haven't experienced that yet, so he's going to have to help me now that she's gone. She taught me a lot, but there is still much to learn and I hope these two," she indicated Andrew and me, "are up to the challenge. Mother, you are my inspiration in all things, you have told me that I am to be the best that I can be, to do the best that I can, if I can do that half as well as you did I will be pleased." "We are all here to say good-bye to my Mother, your friend, and in honour of her I ask that you do it with the dignity that she showed in her journey through each chapter of her life. She didn't go to church but she told me that her relationship with God didn't need a church, and that she prayed often. In honour of her beliefs I ask you all to bow your heads and pray silently for her soul." Jessica stepped back from the lectern and hugged Andrew and I and we stood together, heads bowed. "Before we say our final good-byes to Miranda, one thing she wants us to know is that part of her lives on, following her instructions, as an organ donor we instructed the hospital to remove all of her usable organs and use them for patients that need them to survive. This was typical of Miranda, always thinking of others and helping when and where she could." "This is her final musical choice, she wasn't a huge fan of opera, but said to me that this is the piece that we should play at her funeral because it has the best fade out that she's ever heard, it is the Flower Duet from Delibes's Lachme." I pushed the button for the last time and the coffin slowly sank into the floor to begin its final journey. The three of us stepped down to be hugged by her parents and mine. Light refreshments were provided by the Funeral Directors, and while we nibbled at the food and drank a cup of coffee, people came to us to offer personal condolences before moving off to wherever. The family drove back to our house for our own private grieving time, a time where we could let our feelings go and cry over our loss. Soon there was just the three of us seated around in the living room, not saying anything but feeling each other's loss. It was getting dark when Jessica stood up. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm feeling a little hungry. What would you like me to cook for dinner?" "How about something simple and easy, like deep fried chicken and chips, that was her favourite quick meal." I said. "Done, Andrew could you give me a hand?" I wandered off to my bedroom that felt even lonelier than it had the past week when she eventually relented and allowed us to take her to the hospital that could offer her the palliative care that she so desperately needed. I lay on our bed and closed my eyes. I felt the first time that we did this: "Are you sure that you want to do this?" "Sure I'm sure, I've waited for simply years for the right guy to come along, and now that you're here I'm not letting you go until you do this thing. I do not want to stay a virgin any longer. You are going to relieve me of this burden for once and for all." "That makes two of us. I don't want to be a virgin anymore either." We kissed to seal the deal and she undid my shirt buttons and waited while I undid her blouse. We alternated, taking an item each until we were both naked on the bed. It wasn't the first time that we had been naked, but it was the first time that we were naked for a purpose, and that purpose was to put the final seal on our relationship. Up until that time we were an item, good friends, best mates, inseparable partners, but not lovers. Now we were about to become lovers. "He is magnificent." She said as she stroked him into life. "You are magnificent, not just what's between your legs, the entirety of your being is beautiful." I was exploring the beauty that was between her legs, preparing it for the moment to come. "I'm ready for you, please be gentle." I parted her legs further to allow me to kneel between them and lowered myself onto her. She raised her hips to meet me and the tip of my cock entered her pussy. I held it there for a moment or two before pushing it in further until it met with the resistance that was her hymen. "I can feel it, don't be afraid of hurting me, push it in." I pushed, and at first the resistance was holding, and then with a rush I was through. "Oh, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." We made love for the first time, slowly, embracing the whole momentum of lovemaking, not wanting to rush to finish what we had started. When we came it was an indicator of our future, it was together, the crescendo that was so slow in its build-up gently built until with a final crash we came together. Laying side by side I heard her begin to sing, it wasn't words, it was Ravel's Bolero. She stopped when she saw my puzzled expression. "We made love to Bolero, I began to move to the music and you joined me and we slowly built into the climax. We even managed to match that finale perfectly and the feel of you spurting into me was perfect. It was great, and I want it again as soon as he's capable." There was a soft knock on the door. "Dinner's ready Dad." "Okay, I'll be right out." I realised that I had been crying so I wiped my eyes before heading for the kitchen. Jessica had served dinner and we ate in silence. Both of them had shed a tear or two since we got home and I didn't blame them one bit. "When are you picking up her ashes?" Andrew asked. "Tomorrow, we'll all go together and we'll take her to where she wanted to be." "When does this start to get better?" Jessica asked me. She'd got up from her chair and was clearing the table. She put the pile of plates down and hugged me. "I don't know Jess. I don't even know if it stops quickly or just fades away, we'll just have to support each other when it gets rough." I patted her hand and she continued to clear the table. "I'll give you a hand with the dishes." Andrew said as he stood up and went with her into the kitchen, leaving me to my thoughts. It was a testament to our love for each other that, try as I might, I could not remember one sad moment until the very end. Even when Miranda was sick from chemo she kept her spirits and mine alive, she had never been one to dwell on the negatives, she wasn't just a cup half full type, her cup continually overflowed, and she carried me along with her. "I'm just going to lie down for a while." I called to the kids. "Try not to cry this time." Jessica said. "I'll try." Back in our bed I did try, with some success, but memories of Andrew's birth and the joy on her face at her achievement in producing such a perfect child, and the way that she clung to me and thanked me for being with her at the birth, as if you could have kept me away, and the joy on our parents' faces when we arrived home with him. It was the completion of the beginning of our family. Andrew grew up healthy and strong. He excelled academically and in sport, and it was with great pride that he came home at the beginning of his final year at High School and announced that he had been elected School Captain. His final grades were enough to gain him a place in Medical School and he had visions of becoming a surgeon when he graduated. He was working hard and coping well with the studies, Doctor Matt was his mentor, supporting his studies and giving advice when necessary. He now had a steady girlfriend (Julie) who he saw often and who often spent time with us, sleeping over, and we believed that she and Andrew were lovers. They were talking of marriage when he graduates, but as that is some time away they are prepared for a long wait. Neither of them has shown any inclination of breaking up and Miranda and I were pleased to see him so settled. Jessica was a gorgeous baby, but then I might be a tad biased, and she grew into a lovely, bright vivacious and popular young girl. She is in her final year at High School and was at first a Prefect. The choice of School Captain had come down to her and a boy and, while she was the popular choice among the students, she told the Principal that she would drop out of the selection process in favour of the boy. He was unaware of this and assumed that he had won the position because he was better than she was and made himself unpopular with the students by the way that he lorded it over them. Around the middle of the first term a deputation went, unbeknown to Jessica, to the Principal demanding that the Captain be replaced. In consultation with the staff it was decided that a change was necessary and he was replaced by Jessica. He took it badly and assaulted her on the way home from school. The police were called but Jessica refused to press charges, he had a smug expression on his face, thinking that he had some power over here, until she faced him. "The reason that I'm not pressing charges is that you will punish yourself more than the law is able to, when you realise that your actions were those of a coward. You didn't know that the only reason that you were chosen in the first place was that I dropped out, allowing the school no choice but to choose you. If you had accepted that with good grace the kids would not have gone to the Principal to demand they replace you. You will have to live with your actions and face them knowing that the kids are aware of the whole truth." Miranda and I were unaware of this until we received an invitation to call on the Principal. He told us the whole story and how proud he was of Jessica, and that they lived in hope that she would go on to greater things. When Jessica began High School Miranda went back to work part-time with the company where she worked before we married. They had asked her to return full-time but she refused, her priority was always to her family. She needed to be available to them before and after school and during vacations and her bosses were quite happy to accede to her wishes. It was a happy arrangement all round. From my position during the funeral I noticed that the loudest sobs and the most tears seemed to come from her bosses and work friends. A Long Good-bye When I had to fly to England for work we arranged it so that it coincided with school vacations so that we could turn my trip into a family vacation. We spent time on Anglesey and Miranda and the kids spent days in the County Archives Office at Llangefni checking Parish Records for our family history. An almost hopeless cause as it turned out, because there were so many people of that surname and there were gaps in the records that meant that a continuous paper trail (microfiche) was impossible. The rest of the time was spent in London, me in meetings and the three of them doing the tourist bit, sightseeing trips around the city on the open top deck of the double-decker busses, ferry trip to Greenwich, bus trip to Bath, Stonehenge and Salisbury. They climbed to the top of St Pauls Cathedral to look over a foggy city. We went to a show in the West End and the trip came to an end far too soon. Other holidays were spent closer to home but always together. We hired a campervan and drove up the coast to Cairns to escape our southern winter. This included trips onto the Great Barrier Reef and up into the hinterland. We hired a four wheel drive to travel into the red centre to see a flooded Lake Eyre, stopping at such places as Marree, William Creek, both of which we used as a base for the side trips out to the lake, Oodnadatta and its famous Pink Roadhouse before turning south through the opal mining town of Coober Pedy and its thousands of mines and its Underground Motel. From there we drove down the Stuart Highway, skirting the Woomera Protected area that was the site of atomic bomb testing back in the 1950's. Miranda had this innate sense of what I was feeling. If I was having a rough day at the office she would suddenly appear at my desk and grab me and drag me out for a cup of coffee or a lunch, or, a couple of times she dragged me to a hotel and we spent an hour or two making love before she returned me to my office refreshed. She and Sarah, my PA, conspired on my birthday and Christmas presents, although Sarah told me that Miranda told her what she was proposing to get for me and asked her what she thought. She had never once disagreed or could think of a better choice, but Miranda's actions meant that she thought of herself as a part of our family. For her fortieth birthday Sarah helped me to arrange a large celebration for her that included both of our families, our friends, my work colleagues and her bosses and those of her work colleagues that she was closest to, which was pretty much all of them. We booked out one of the best restaurants for the night (it was one of our favourites) and with Sarah's help spoke to all of the guests and swore them to secrecy, I told her that I was taking her to the restaurant before going on to the movies. Andrew and Jessica came with us to keep the celebration more authentic until we reached the restaurant. The look on her face when we walked through the door to be greeted by all of those people yelling 'Surprise' was priceless. With her mouth still open she turned on me and punched my arm. "How did you arrange this and keep it a secret from me?" Then she saw Sarah standing there with a conspiratorial look on her face. She walked over to her, "You bitch, you did this." She then hugged Sarah and kissed her. "Thank you, you're so good to us." Our home was the fulfilment of another of our dreams. It was a design that we had discussed from the time that we realised that no home would be perfect that we did not design ourselves. We came up with concept drawings that we took to an Architect friend who took it on board and came up with the plans for our house based around an octagonal centre. Although the roof was square in plan, the building beneath it was not. At each corner there were octagonal rooms opening into the centre octagon. The front of the lower level was the living area with its hub the octagonal kitchen that was open to the front. The rear of this level was the utility area consisting of laundry, bathroom, toilet and a home office. On the upper level there were four bedrooms at each corner, each with en-suite, looking out to the view to the sea on one side and hills on the other. There was a balcony that ran around all sides and in the centre a balcony looked down to the living area. It was energy efficient in that it had solar panels for electricity and hot water, thickly insulated walls to maintain a comfortable core temperature requiring little if any heating and cooling. Its open plan living area suited our lifestyle. We loved it, it was ours from start to finish and we couldn't see living anywhere else. We entertained when necessary for my work, the rest of the time was family time, and the kids became accustomed to spending time with us and comfortable enough to invite friends over, and in Julie's case to stay over. Our families visited often and Christmas was a gathering of both families. My parents and Miranda's had become best friends and even went on holidays together, coming back to regale us with tales of the great times that they had and suggesting that we should go there for our next vacation, giving us names and phone numbers of contacts that would give us a good deal on anything from accommodation to meals and tours. Right through our lives together Miranda and I had a strong physical and emotional relationship. Our sexual relationship was an extension of this and, while we could have lapsed into a comfortable and probably boring sex life, we never did. We had a spontaneity that sometimes could have been uncomfortable if the kids hadn't become used to seeing us disappear into our bedroom at odd occasions, to emerge some time later emotionally refreshed. They didn't ask what we had been doing because, when we figured they were old enough to understand, we told them, and they accepted this as normal. Andrew had, the last time that Julie stayed over, disappeared into his room and they both emerged some time later with a happy expression on their faces. We had discussed this with them and told them that we were okay with this as long as it was more than just sex. The look that we got from them confirmed that their relationship had risen to a new emotional level and this was a part of the bonding process. Julie told Miranda that she and Andrew had known for some time that, what they had was based on the example that we had set for them, and that they hoped that they remained as happy as we were. Even when the ravages of time began to show on our bodies, I had to look hard to see examples of this on her, but the appearance of grey hair on my chest and at my temples confirmed my advancing years, our lovemaking remained the same, and our times together in our bed were the best times. Vacations were great but were nothing compared to our bed time at home when we kissed each other softly, held each other before and after exploring each other's body and moving on to our jointly satisfying sexual experience. We never once saw the need to explore anal sex and oral sex was used as an integral part of the over-all sexual experience, the lead-up to the final, and simultaneously explosive, act. Our life was perfect until; "Darling, are you feeling okay?" I asked her when I got home from work. "No, I've been feeling a little off the past few days, I'll get over it." "No, I'm ringing Doctor Matt and booking you in for a full check-up." "That's not necessary, I'll be fine in a day or two." "I insist. I'll ring him in the morning." I saw from her look that she knew that she wasn't fine. Our lovemaking that night wasn't quite the same, it was as if there was something on her mind and that she was trying to assure me that everything was fine. Both of us knew that it wasn't. I went with her to Doctor Matt's surgery in the morning and he knew that something was wrong even before he examined her. He ordered a full series of blood tests and promised to contact us when the results came through. It was an agonising time for us over the next two days, trying to act as if nothing was wrong in front of the kids, it didn't work. Andrew knew that something was wrong with Miranda before we got the phone call asking us to come in and speak to Doctor Matt. "I won't beat about the bush because I think that you already know what I'm going to say. What I will do is to go through the alternative treatments available to you and discuss with you the pro's and con's of all of them. We will then reach a decision, it is your decision, I'm just here on an advisory capacity, and I will honour the decision that you make. There's never an easy way to tell you this, so I'm going to come right out with it. The tests show that you have cancer, it is in the cervix and the uterus and will require radical surgery to see if we can arrest the spread. The problem with this cancer is that it is usually advanced before it is detected and this makes treatment even more difficult and the success rate less probable. You will need to see an Oncologist as soon as possible and I have one of the best standing by to see you this morning, it is that urgent. You will probably need a full hysterectomy and ongoing chemotherapy if we are to knock this on the head. The other alternative is to let nature take its course, it's up to you." "My first instinct is to say I'm not giving it to this and I'll fight it to the bitter end, but then letting nature take its course has a certain dignity to it. If I have the hysterectomy how much longer will I have?" "Who knows, six months or six years, it all depends on how advanced it is and how successful surgery is. My advice is to see the Oncologist before you decide what to do." He wrote down the name of the Oncologist and, after ringing his rooms, gave us the appointment time. It was hard, Miranda was booked in for a CT scan that confirmed the worst and she was admitted straight into hospital for surgery. The kids were sad but supportive of me, they knew immediately when I arrived home after dropping her at the hospital, that all was not well and that I would probably not be able to cope with it. I wouldn't let them take time off from their studies but I went into work the next day to clear up any urgent work and organise time off. Sarah volunteered to bring work to me at home so that I wouldn't be hanging around the house like a bad smell feeling sorry for myself. Jessica got used to coming home and finding Sarah there with me, working, and the two of them even prepared the evening meal before Sarah went home. "Dad, why don't you ask Sarah to stay for dinner?" "Would you be okay with that?" "Der, of course, she's nice, I like her." "I'll think about it." Sarah stayed they next time she brought work over, and became a regular feature at our house even after Miranda came home, helping with caring for her if I was too busy, which wasn't often. The two of them were as thick as thieves and very close friends and, while life would probably never be the same, they made it bearable for all of us. "I think that we should move Miranda to a hospital." Doctor Matt rang me after visiting her at home. "Her pain medication needs to be upgraded, she isn't coping with it at all well, and she really needs to be on auto-feed Morphine through a drip rather than a nurse coming in every day to give her injections. I have discussed it with her and she has left the decision to you, do we move her?" "I say yes to that. It has become obvious that she is losing the strength to carry on. I try to lift her spirits but I'm afraid that I'm also losing out, I can't find the strength when I see her suffering like this. I'll come home and go to the hospital with her." This was the beginning of the final page in our life's diary, I was losing my Miranda and felt powerless to stop it. I buzzed for Sarah. "Sarah, I'm going home. We're moving Miranda to hospital, could you . . . ." "I'll contact Andrew and let him know and I'll leave a message on Jessica's mobile telling her what's happened and pick her up from school and bring her to the hospital." "Thank you, I don't know what I'd do without you." I grabbed my bag and was just about to leave when she grabbed my arm. "Gordon, I'm sorry that it has reached this stage, but then I guess hospital is the best place for her, your Doctor would not have suggested it if it weren't. You take time off so that you can spend time with her, you need to do that. I'll bring any important work around to you and help Jessica prepare dinner and stuff like that. I want to help as much as I can and I want to be there for you." She looked sadly into my sad eyes. "I know, and I appreciate that, thank you." I kissed her, don't get me wrong, it wasn't the kiss of a lover, it was a kiss of gratitude. Sarah and I worked long into the night so I suggested that she should sleep over. We set up the spare room for her and the next day she brought her things over. The kids got used to her being there, Jessica and Sarah were looking after me, cooking dinner for me when I got home from the hospital. Sarah would pick her up from school and bring her to the hospital and the three of us would sit by her bedside talking with her and sitting silently during those moments when Miranda's strength gave way to sleep. In the background a nurse would slip in from time to time to check on the medication bag on the drip stand and write notes on her charts. Andrew and Julie would drop in on their way home from University and Sarah and Jessica would head off to prepare dinner. The final day I sat by her bed holding her thin, cool hand, looking into her eyes, the one part of her body that wasn't about to let go just yet. "Darling, come closer to me." I bent to her. "I think that it is coming time for me to leave you, will you call the kids for me?" I hurried out into the corridor and rang Sarah. "Sarah, I need you to call the kids and get them to come to the hospital, she has decided that it's time to go." "I'm sorry Gordon, I'll get right on to it, and I'll pick Jessica up from school and bring her straight over." "Thank you for that, see you soon." We were all gathered around the bed, Andrew and Julie, Jessica, Sarah and Doctor Matt. He spoke to the nurses and they filled him in on her condition. "I think that she is ready to go." The nurse told him. Miranda reached out a hand to Julie, "Julie, come here." Julie bent to her side. "Julie, I know that you'll look after my boy and make him happy. You two have my blessing for your lives ahead, I love you." "I love you too, Mother." Julie kissed her and stood up, tears streaming from her eyes. "Andrew, come." He bent in turn to his mother. "I love you my son, you have turned out to be the man I always knew that you would. You have a good partner in Julie and I know that the two of you will be good for each other always, bless you, both of you." He kissed her on the lips as he had always done and stood up, his eyes wet with tears. "Jessica, please, come." Jessica was crying before she bent over the bed. "Don't cry my darling, I love you and I want you to look after your father, at least for the time being. Study hard and make a good life for yourself. I am proud of you already, I will be even more proud of you. I love you." "Sarah, I need to speak with you." Sarah had a puzzled expression on her face. "Sarah, darling Sarah, I know that you love our man as I know that he loves you. He doesn't know it yet because his love for me has made that knowledge not possible, but he does. I am passing the baton to you, take care of our man, and make him happy, oh, and one more thing, when you get around to making love to him, think of Bolero, hum it to yourself and it will guide you through the experience. It worked for me the first time. Sarah, darling, he's yours now, I pass him to you with my blessing." Sarah leaned over and kissed her forehead. "No Sarah, on my lips please." Sarah rose from the bedside, tears streaming from her eyes, Jessica moved to her and hugged her. I was the last. "Darling Gordon, we had such good times together, didn't we? I could not have asked for a better husband or a better life than I had in you, with you. I'm going to have to leave you now, but I leave you in good hands, the kids can look after themselves, Andrew and Julie are going to have as good a life together as we did and, as for Jessica, the sky's the limit with that girl. Don't let her give up on her future because she thinks that she has an obligation to look after you, you're old enough and ugly enough to fend for yourself. My Darling, it is time . . . .time for me . . . .to leave you . . . .kiss me as you did when we first met." I kissed her, lovingly, sadly, and as I took my lips from her she released her final breath as the monitor flat-lined. My door opened and Jessica's head appeared. "Dad, there's a couple of men at the door, they say that they are policemen and that they want to have a word with you." I got up off the bed and, bleary eyed followed her to the living room. "Can I help you?" "Mr. Gordon Williamson, we have received information of a very serious matter and would like you to accompany us to the station to answer some questions." "Can't we do this here?" "It is a delicate matter connected with the death of your wife Miranda." "For Christ's sake man, have you no respect. We have just today had her funeral, her ashes aren't even cool and you want me to answer questions about her death. Okay, what do you want to know?" "Have you heard the term euthanasia?" "Who hasn't?" "The information that we have received is that you assisted in the process of her euthanasia." "I did nothing of the sort, and even if I did, it would have only been me following her explicit instructions. Do you have any evidence, apart from what someone has told you, that would suggest the involvement of me, or any member of my family in her death?" "Apart from the information, we have nothing, we just want to clear this matter up." "What exactly was this information, I won't ask who gave it to you, and that made it imperative that you take the body before the organs were removed?" "We were told that while your wife was in hospital a woman was living with you and that you were lovers, this suggested that you may have a motivation to assist with your wife's departure." "In Miranda's final week, when it became patently obvious that she was going to die, she was taken to hospital where she could be cared for in her final days. The hospital was responsible for her medication, which, by the way she needed badly because of the pain that she was going through, and they have a record of the medication that she was given. I had neither the opportunity nor desire to interfere with their regimen in any way. All that you needed to do was to speak to the treating doctors and they would have shown you the records and speak to the Doctor who signed the Death Certificate, instead of your heavy handed approach. If my lawyer was here he would tell me not to answer any questions that might incriminate me or any member of my family. But I don't have to worry about that because none of us has done anything wrong. Her organs have been donated to recipients and her body cremated, in keeping with her instructions, so you have no evidence." "How convenient for you, except that her body was not cremated, it was removed from the hospital immediately following your wife being declared deceased and taken to the mortuary and is being autopsied as we speak." "And I suppose that you've held up the removal of her organs to be used for organ transplants." "Yes, we have to test all organs." "And in the process make them unsuitable for the purpose that Miranda specifically requested?" "Yes, that will be the case." "Then I am going to contact my Lawyer and have him contact the relevant hospitals and advise the families of those waiting for Miranda's organs that, if their loved one dies because of the delay, that they should sue you, the police, and the person who lodged the information with you. That person should also be charged with contributory manslaughter. Now I suggest that you contact your Medical Examiner and see if there are any salvageable organs left, because, if there aren't then the shit storm is about to begin, and the media will most definitely hear of this. Tell me, what was in the coffin that we said farewell to earlier today?" A Long Good-bye "There were a couple of sand bags." "I suggest that you get out of my house before I lose my temper." They scurried out. Fucking hell what is this world coning to, doesn't anyone have respect for the dead anymore? "Dad, what's the matter?" Jessica asked after they had left. "Someone called the cops and told them that you're mother's death was assisted and not natural." "Jesus Christ, even if it was 'assisted' it was only to save her suffering any more than necessary." "I'm afraid that the law doesn't see it that way." "Then the law needs to be changed." She hugged me. "Don't worry, we'll get through this, you have our full support, you've done nothing wrong." I rang my Lawyer and he agreed to get onto the Medical Examiner immediately and tell him just what he thought of him. Sarah called in the next morning on her way to the office. "What's happened?" "There's been a total fuck-up, sorry about the swearing, but, because some clown hinted that you being here all the time meant that I had killed Miranda. The body was taken from the hospital before any organs were removed, so that an autopsy could be carried out. It probably means that no organs can be used and that really pisses me off. I don't know who could have done this, but if I find out and get to him or her before the police do I'll probably be charged with another murder." "Don't even think of it, it's not worth it. If it turns out that the organs aren't usable then I think that one of the news magazine programmes would love to get their teeth into this, after all there's been a push of late to try and get more people to become organ donors. I just happen to know the producer of one such programme." Half an hour after Sarah had left my Lawyer rang. "I've spoken to the Medical Examiner who tells me that he had been unaware that the body that he'd been told to pick up was that of a donor, he was just told that it was the subject of a murder investigation and that a cause of death was required and that meant a full toxicology examination involving the dissection of the organs." "This gets worse." "And it gets even worse. The hospitals that I spoke to had already prepped organ recipients only to be told that the organs were no longer available, no reason was given. When I told them what had happened they were as angry as you and I, and let me tell you, they are spitting chips. We are going to hear a lot more of this. I have volunteered to be the family spokesperson and deflect the attention from you. I know you and, I don't think that you are in any condition to front media scrutiny." "Thank you for everything that you've done, are doing, and don't forget to send the bill." "Mate, there will be no bill for this, I'm going to enjoy it." The media shit-storm lasted for three days. "This programme has, for some time now, been at the forefront of a push to get more Australians to become Organ Donors, and we thought that we were getting somewhere. It came as a shock to us today when we heard of a Donor's body being removed from the hospital while Recipients were being prepared to receive her organs. What made it worse was that the people who took the body were the police and they did this because someone suggested that there may have been foul play involved in this person's death. While the hospital concerned would not appear on camera to explain its position on this matter, a spokesperson later today issued this statement:" Cut to outside shot of hospital and voice-over reading the statement. ' This hospital emphatically denies any allegations that of the patient in question had died from anything other than natural causes. This hospital also states that a thorough investigation has been made into the treatment given to this patient and this has concluded that there was nothing unusual about it.' Cut back to reporter: "A police representative stated that an internal investigation cleared its officers of any wrongdoing over the matter and that its officers were following proper procedures. They would not name the informant. The matter has also been raised in State Parliament with the Police Minister agreeing to a more thorough investigation being carried out after the local Member called the original investigation a disgusting white-wash. This programme will keep viewers up to date with the investigation." The following evening even more damning facts emerged. "Last night this programme exposed the story of an Organ Donor's body being removed from the hospital before organs could be removed and while recipients at several hospitals were being prepared to receive those organs. A police spokesperson told this programme that the police were acting on a tip-off that the Donor had been euthanized. This programme has learned that these allegations were made without proof that this had been the case and were based purely on the fact that a woman other than the Donor was observed to have stayed with the Donor's husband while the Donor was fighting for her life in hospital. The Lawyer acting for the husband has sought to clarify this situation." The reporter turns to William Schaeffer (our Lawyer); Mr. Schaeffer, what can you tell us about these allegations?" Cut to Schaeffer: "Let me say up-front that my client has done nothing wrong. The woman that was seen at my client's house is his Personal Assistant, Miss Sarah Donaldson and she was there so that my client could still carry on his work while at the same time be available should his wife need him. Both he and his wife were fully aware that she had but a short time to live and steps were being taken so that he could spend as much time as possible by her side. Miss Donaldson was acting as a courier, bringing work to him and working from his home office to help keep on top of his busy workload. On certain nights, because they worked late into the night, she stayed at his house. On those nights she slept in the guest bedroom and evidence given by my client, Miss Donaldson and my client's daughter, have all affirmed that there is not one shred of evidence to contradict these statements. My client will be seeking legal redress for this libel." Sarah was on the phone, I had it on speaker and Andrew and Jessica were talking with her. "Didn't I tell you that the media would have a field day with this. My friend is looking to a Walkley. (The Walkley Award is given for Journalistic Excellence and is much sought after by serious Journalists) "He shouldn't count his chickens." "I've had to fend off the Paparazzi every time I leave the office for any reason, and I hope that they haven't bugged my phone or got a scanner out looking for it. I'm sorry that I couldn't come over tonight, but I didn't think it appropriate under the circumstances." "So are we." Jessica told her. "I cooked a special meal just for you." "Save me some for the next time I come over." "I don't think that it will keep all that well, but just for you, I'll make it again next time you come over." "I'll hold you to that. I'll drop by in the morning with some papers that need signing. I hope that there aren't too many Pap's around." "I can always sign them on the bonnet of your car." "No, that would tell the world that we did have something to hide after all, no, I'll come in, but we can do it all in the living room and if you make sure that the curtains aren't closed they can see it all and take as many photos as they like." "Sounds good to me, I'll see you then, 'bye." The next night it came to a head: "We bring you the latest in our story of the body of an Organ Donor that was removed by police before the organs could be removed and rushed to waiting recipients who had already been prepared to receive them. We have been informed by the hospitals that three of the recipients have passed away and a fourth is in a critical condition on life support. In the mean time the inquiry into the police handling of this matter took an unusual turn today. At a press conference this afternoon the Police Commissioner made the following statement: Cut to press conference; "This afternoon I have appointed my Assistant Commissioner to carry out an extensive review into this matter. I do not want to pre-empt his findings but I do envisage that changes in procedures will be made in several areas. There will be a disciplinary hearing into the conduct of the officer that authorised the removal of the body and his motives for so doing. I offer my deepest sympathies to the family of the Donor and families of those recipients who were denied their long awaited transplants. My Department will carry out the wishes of the deceased to be cremated and will return the ashes to the grieving family." Cut to Presenter; "While this may go part of the way to compensating those involved for their loss, it doesn't make it any easier for those who are prepared to do their duty to those less fortunate and give their healthy organs to those who badly need them to survive, knowing that at any time and for any reason, these gifts can be cruelly taken away from those in need. This programme will continue to push for more people to give their organs despite this set-back. We will go to a break and be right back to speak to the captain of the Australian Cricket Team on his team's performance in the last test match, more shortly." "Surely something can be done to stop this sort of thing happening in future." Jessica said as I sat staring at the screen in silence. "I don't know what, we'll just have to put this all behind us along with everything else that's happened this past week." The body was to be cremated at State expense, only fair seeing as we'd already paid for a cremation, and the ashes returned to us. At last it was over, the police were now satisfied that her death was natural. I had just received the apology from the Police Commissioner in which he expressed his sympathy to us and promised a full investigation into the way that the matter was handled. The urn with her remains was handed to me and, in respect to her instructions, we, Andrew, Jessica and I carried it to its final resting place, our own private place in the country, where we finally bade her farewell. It had been a week since the funeral when we said our first good-byes, but now we could finally lay her to rest. It had been a long good-bye. We had just got back into our car to drive back to town when Jessica tapped me on the shoulder. "Dad." "Yes Jess." "You're going to marry Sarah aren't you?" "What, what's brought this on?" "It was something Mum told me months ago, just after she'd been diagnosed with cancer. She said that Sarah was in love with you and had been for some time, years in fact, and that she was fine with that because she knew that you hadn't done anything wrong, in fact she said that you probably weren't even aware of it. She said that Sarah would be good for you and you'd quickly learn to love her. Don't worry about Andrew and me, even though she's young enough to be our big sister, we'd love her to be our Step-Mother." "Do you know about this too?" I asked Andrew. "Yeah, I've known about it for months, and yes, I like her and would love her to be my Step-Mother, Julie likes her too." "I'll think about it." I promised them. "There's nothing to think about. Mum has talked to Sarah about it and has given her blessing. She told us that Sarah has agreed, and all that has to happen is that you ask her to marry you." "Just wait until I see her again." I caught a funny look on Jessica's face, what was going on? I wasn't left wondering long. As I opened the front door I saw Sarah get up from the sofa and walk towards me. She stopped in front of me, close in front of me, that close that we were touching, her arms went around my neck and she whispered to me, "I love you." She kissed me and I realised that she was my new Miranda.