12 comments/ 29056 views/ 2 favorites A Linda Christmas By: The OLD FART Chapter One I got home from work last Wednesday and the light was flashing on the machine. Probably someone who wanted to know when I was going to make my overdue payment. The voice was hesitant, but that Chicago accent was definitely Linda's. She wanted to know if I was cousin Pete, said she didn't want to go into anything on the machine, but if it was me, she needed me to call her as soon as possible. She was in a motel in Anaheim, 35 miles south of me. I called, the number she left was for the office. There were no phones in the rooms; I had to leave a number for Linda to call back. I left my toll free office number. What the hell, it rings on the only line I have in the house. About 2 hours later, Linda called me. The motel manager had just given her the message. When I told her I called a couple of hours earlier, she told me when she found out what an asshole he was, it was too late to do anything about it. She didn't want to go into a lot of detail calling from the pay phone outside the office. She had made her way to California from Texas, didn't have much money and was in a jam. Was there any way I could help her? I started working on my house a few months ago and then dropped it. I've got one bedroom with a beautiful new coat of paint, the carpet torn up, and 1/5 of the floor covered in hardwood planks. The furniture that was in that room is part in the spare bedroom and part in the living room. I've got two couches in the living room that are so close together there's no place to sit. The spare room also has a bunch of stuff I inherited from Mom and never got around to doing anything with. I told Linda she was welcome but she'd have to share my king size water bed with me. "Don't worry, you'll be safe." She laughed and told me she wasn't worried. I told her I could get there in 45 minutes or so. She said she'd be waiting. After quick visits to MapQuest and the bathroom, I left. I spent the drive thinking about Linda. I don't rmember when we met. I'm 53, she must be 48 or 49 by now. She's my cousin, but her mother (Dad's sister) moved from Long Island to a suburb of Chicago just after she got married. We either met when they came out to Long Island to see Grandma and Grandpa and us or when G & G took me to Chicago one summer. It seems like I've always known her. We've always been friends, we start teasing each other every time we meet, but I can honestly only count 6 or 7 times I've seen her, each one of them for two weeks or less. Even though we were first cousins, she could have hauled my ass into bed in a heartbeat. I had too much "respect" for her to ever suggest such a thing, even though I prayed for it. Ever since puberty, I was constantly on edge every second she was around. I probably had a hard on when we danced at her wedding. I hadn't seen her since she got married. God, that must be almost 20 years ago. I think I was dating my ex wife at the time, we were moving from city to city every few months, working for a con artist (we found out later). I know I went there from Indiana and met my Mom and my sister there. Linda had a son from a previous relationship. He must have been 9 or 10. She'd been struggling to get out of the doghouse since she got pregnant, I think the marriage was going to get her back in her family's good graces. I didn't see anyone but Linda treating Scotty with any respect, especially his future stepfather. After the wedding they took off for Texas and I went back to Indiana. When I got back home, my girl asked what I thought of him. I told her there was something not right, I wouldn't be surprised if he beat her. Linda has never been much to look at. She was a skinny kid, she's a skinny woman. She has nipples, maybe a little more for tits. Her ass could probably fit in my hand, she probably never hit 100 on the scale. But she has this beautiful deep, dark red hair you can get lost in. And freckles I could spend the rest of my life counting. She's the person "But she's got a great personality" was designed for. Because, after a couple of minutes with Linda, none of that mattered. She'd have me entranced from the time I'd sit down with her. She had a way of breaking into a smile that caught me right where I lived. She could also tear you a new asshole at the drop of a hat, no matter who you were. I'm glad I never experienced that firsthand. I could tease the hell out of her, but it was always done with love, and I guess that made the difference. I pulled into the motel parking lot. What a dump. The cockroaches probably had fleas. Even my twelve year old Aerostar was too good for this place. I spotted Linda as soon as I looked around the parking lot. She was leaning up against a wall next to a Coke machine. Her jeans were ripped at both knees and elsewhere, most of her white t-shirt was a shade of tan. If she had been a dog I would have checked her paws to see if they were raw from walking. I honked and she looked at me through the windshield. A look came over her face like a dog that's been caught doing something it's been told not to do countless times. I was going to have to stop these dog comparisons. She came over and opened the passenger door, sat down and dropped a worn out khaki backpack on the floor between the seats. "Don't you have a real car?" "Don't you have any real luggage?" "OK. You got me." "I would have gotten out to open the door but I was afraid I'd get mugged. You've been staying at this place?" "No. I ran out of money and my ride dropped me off here. I made a deal with the manager. He let me give out his number for callbacks. Each message he gave me cost five bucks. Thank God I was able to reach you." "When's the last time you slept?" "Yesterday, a couple of naps in the car." "What about food?" "Dinner at 7-11 last night." "How about a bath?" "I'd love one." I finally got that smile. "OK. We'll get you a bath, some food and I'll let you sleep. Tonight only. But first you gotta pay up. Give me a hug." We leaned over towards each other. It was kind of tough sitting on either side of the van. I think our shoulders touched as we wrapped our arms together. "Linda, you don't know how I've missed that the last 20 years." She raised her head and gave me a kiss. A little moist, promising. Come to think of it, like the kiss she gave me on her wedding day, the last time I saw her. Today, as then, my dick got a little firmer. Chapter Two I glanced down at Linda's backpack. "Are you ready to go?" "You better believe it." I pulled out of the parking lot and turned right. "How about some In-N-Out?" "You could at least take me home first." "Oh, I forgot. You're from Texas. If you get hungry you just go outside and shoot something. In-N-Out makes the best burgers around." She stuck her tongue out at me. "Don't stick that thing out unless you're prepared to use it." Her eyes lit up as she stuck it out again. "So, what about food?" "God, I could eat a horse." "I'm not even going to say it." We drove a couple of minutes in silence, then turned into the drive through. "I'm going to have a Double-Double and a chocolate shake. What do you want?" "Can I have one of the combos with a strawberry shake?' "Strawberry. God, what a GIRL." Again with the tongue. I placed the order. "I'm ready whenever you want to tell me what's going on." "I know. Can you give me just a little time?" "I will. I just want to know – Are you OK?" "I'll be fine. I just need to catch up on food and sleep. And give me a bath." We got our food and started towards home. We ate in silence, occasionally catching each other's eye and smiling. I thought back on the times I saw my Dad interacting with his sister, Linda's mother. It didn't matter how many years they were apart, they would just pick up where they left off. The same teasing, same respect and same love Linda and I seemed to share. Looking back, there may have been something more, too. On both their parts. A little sparkle in their eyes when they looked at each other. Linda ate the same as she did when she was a kid. The French fries went in minutes. She did pretty well with the shake but said she was done after two bites of the burger. I finished off her burger and shook my head. Forty or so years ago our family and Linda's had been eating lunch. I asked my father why we had to finish everything on our plates but my cousins could leave half their food untouched. He shook his head, smiled to himself and told me there were some things you couldn't force a woman to do. Aunt Alice smiled, looked at him and said "You got that right, Brother." I looked over at Linda with that bright red mane of hair. Like her mother before her, Linda was an untamed mare. And she'd die before she allowed herself to be broken. "How's Scotty doing?" She looked as if she'd been slapped. "You didn't hear?" "I haven't seen or heard anything about him since the wedding." "Scotty killed himself 15 years ago." I was on the verge of saying "You're kidding." But no mother would ever kid like that about her child. There was a tear coming out of her eye. "Linda. I don't know what to say ... " "There's a lot you need to know, Cousin. Just let me get a good night's sleep and we'll talk. Do you have to work tomorrow?" "Not now." "Don't lose money on my account." "I've got two guys working for me. They can handle things for a day or two." "OK. I promise we'll talk tomorrow. Now what's this about me having to sleep with you?" I told her how I finally took a look at the house and saw how filthy it had become after 18 years, started fixing it up and never got around to finishing the job. "The kitchen, bathrooms and my room are fine. Any comments from you about the rest of the house and I'll take you back to your motel and you can stay there." "I'll be good." "Good. Who knows. If you spend any time at all here, I'll probably put you to work finishing up the renovations." "Either that or I could give you my cute, innocent little, virgin body." "Where's that – in the backpack? I was able to avoid the punch. At least she was smiling. God. What else was I going to find out when she opened up to me tomorrow? We were quiet and looked at the Christmas lights the last ten miles home. Monday night, Christmas was Saturday. My favorite was the Caterpiller dealer next to the freeway. Santa was sitting in one of the big tractors with his bag of goodies, there was a string of reindeer going up a ramp as if they were just taking off. Everything was covered in white lights. Good old Southern California. Leave it to us to turn an earth mover into a sleigh. Chapter Three I pulled up into the driveway and looked over at Linda. "Honey, I'm home." She grabbed her backpack before I could. I unlocked the front door and turned on the light. I pointed to the right and said "That used to be the office." "Used to be?" "You're not the only one with secrets, little lady. I'll tell you while I'm giving you your bath if you want." "I'd like that." We walked into the living room. "There's the couch that makes into a bed that you'd be sleeping on if it was reachable. There's no way I can open it up with the other couch in here. That's my desk and work computer." I showed her the rest of the house. She was impressed with the way the first bedroom looked with the new paint and part of a floor. "We need to get you back on this. What a difference." When we got to my room she looked at the big water bed. "Am I going to be taking someone's place while I'm here?" "Yeah, right. Do you want to take a shower or a bath?" "I'd kill for a bath." "No need for that. I'll start running the water. How about a cup of coffee?" "Make the bath as hot as you can. Do you have any flavored tea?" I showed her the part of the cupboard where I put the crap I never use. "I know there's regular tea up there. Gloria may have left something when she moved out. There's a tea kettle in that closet you can boil some water in. Cups are in here." I left her and started running water in the tub. I went into my room and Linda had just dumped her backpack on the bed. She dug through her stuff and picked up one of those leather holders that a full pack of cigarettes will fit in. I'd never figured out why she just didn't throw a pack of cigarettes in her purse without the holder. She pulled out a cigarette, put it in her mouth and pulled a Bic lighter up to it. "Uh, Uh." "What?" "No smoking in the house." "Really? You used to always have a cigarette going, no matter where you were. We used to talk about how bad you had the habit. My sisters even had a pool going about how long you were going to last in the church during the wedding." She was putting her stuff back in the backpack as she talked. "That's one of the reasons the walls are so filthy. I quit smoking when Rob Reiner decided we should tax people an extra buck a pack 'for the children.' I never believed in giving over active kids psyche drugs." She jumped a little at that. She put the cigarette back in its case. "I'll just have to go outside in the cold and get pnemonia after my bath." "If you want to smoke that cigarette you will." The kettle started screaming before her nicotine withdrawal could make her start begging or hitting me. She ran into the kitchen and started making some weird tea – Happy Time or something like that. I followed her in as she was putting water in the cup with the teabag. "I really need a cigarette right now. Did you mean it about not in the house?" "Yep. Come on, Linda. This is beautiful Southern California. It's not going to kill you to go out on the patio to smoke your cigarette." I opened the back door for her and we went out back. She said she wished she could give up smoking. I told her when she really wanted to end it, it wouldn't be a problem. She looked at me like I was crazy. "Hey Linda." I grabbed her cigarette. "Do you really think this stupid thing is stronger than you?" "I never looked at it, but I think it probably is." "Well, when you're ready you'll decide it's not. And then you'll be able to put it down and walk away. How much do you smoke?" "I go through 2 packs every 3 days or so." "Well, I was at 3 packs a day after 25 years at it. When I decided it was over, it was over. I'd bought 10 cartons on special when the price went up the first 50 cents. I decided that was it, finished off the 7 or 8 cartons I had left, then stopped. I reached for my pocket every few minutes for a couple of days, but I've never had to have a cigarette since then." "I don't think I could do that." "Linda, I know you. You can do anything you set your mind to." "I don't know. Maybe you'll feel different after we talk tomorrow." "Don't count on it. I know you too well. Even though I don't really know you at all. By the way, should I be worried about the police banging on my door?" "What do you mean?" "Linda, I may need reading glasses, but I'm not blind. I saw the gun you dropped on my bed when you were trying to find your cigarettes. Do I need to know anything?" "No. The only time I used it was when the shop that sold it to me put me through training. Having it with me gave me the courage I needed to get away from my husband. I'm actually glad you saw it. It felt really weird hiding it from you. Jesus, this is crazy. It's less than a week before Christmas. There should be fucking snow on the ground." She put the cigarette out, picked up her tea, went into the bathroom and turned off the water. Linda was one of the strongest people I had ever known and I loved her. But what the hell had she been up to in the last 20 years? Chapter Four I got a towel and washcloth from the hall closet and took them in to her. The door was open so I just breezed in. I was surprised to see her sitting on the toilet. "I'm sorry. The door was open." "It's no big deal. It's not like you can see anything." I put the bundle on the counter next to the sink. "I never use this bathroom. I'll get you some body wash and some shampoo." I went into my bathroom and got the items out of my shower. I also checked under the sink and found a blow dryer and a back brush. As I came near her bathroom I called out "Are you decent?" "No. You promised to tell me your secret. Come in and scrub my back." I went into the bathroom and almost dropped my load. I forced myself not to blurt anything out. Linda was sitting in the tub. The water was up to her navel. The view I got when I walked through the door was of her back. Her mane was hanging down a couple of inches below her shoulders as if she had shaken her head to spread it out. She really is a small person. A little larger than my nine year old granddaughter but not much. The nine or ten inches of her back I could see under her hair and above the water was covered in scars. It looked as if she had been tied to a stake and given 40 lashes. Several times. I put down the brush, dryer and shampoo and picked up the washcloth. I went over behind her, dipped the washcloth in the water and put some body wash on it. "Is it going to hurt for me to wash your back?" "They're pretty much healed. I don't think I want you to use the brush, though. I know this must be tough on you but I really need a good night's sleep before I tell you about it. It's a long story and I don't know how long I can last. I feel like dozing off just sitting in this water." I gently washed her back. It was covered in freckles, less concentrated the further down I went but there wasn't a clear square inch. The scars distorted them and the smoothness of her skin. I had an urge to throttle someone until he was dead. Not knowing who to vent my rage on was frustrating. I splashed water on her back to clean off the soap as much as possible. I picked up the arm closest to me, and cleaned it with the washcloth and rinsed it off. I stayed there on my knees, not knowing what to do next. "Please come around in front of me." I walked forward on my knees and twisted around so I was facing her. She looked at me. I saw trust, hope and contentment in her face. I transferred the washcloth into my right hand, dipped it into the water and put some more soap on it. "Give me your other arm." She lifted it up out of the water, I took her hand in my left and washed this arm good. "You're going to have to rinse it off yourself." She bent over and dipped her arm in the water. She sat up and looked at me expectantly. I took the washcloth and started soaping her chest and stomach. She closed her eyes and sighed. I'd made bra jokes over the years, mostly as a teenage dork. When are you going to grow into an A cup? Do you wear training bras? She'd always give me a phony smile, make a Ha, Ha or So funny I forgot to laugh comment. Seeing her this way for the first time, I knew my comments had been spot on. I wondered if she'd been hurt when I'd made them or if she was so used to hearing them that it didn't matter. I noticed that her nipples stood out proudly after being washed. After I rinsed her off, she said "Help me up." I gave her my right arm for support and she stood up in the bath. Her bright red bush was within a foot of my face, a little higher than my eyes. "Finish washing me, please." I did her right leg first, lifting her foot out to wash it while she held my shoulder. I reached around and did the left leg and foot. I washed that part of her stomach that had been below the water line and her pubis. Switching hands, I did her lower back and butt. It wasn't a child's but it wasn't a centerfold's either. I made sure I cleaned it all, not as a sexual thing but as I would were I giving my granddaughter a bath. When I was done, Linda put her hand on my shoulder again and moved her left foot forward. I switched hands again and washed between her legs, being careful not to get soap in her sensitive areas. I dropped the washcloth and dipped my hand in the water, then cleaned her as best I could. A Linda Christmas "I never did become very womanly. This body has always sucked." "Linda, I've dreamed of this body since you were out here when Dad died." She smiled. "You're just saying that to make me feel good." "When have I ever said something just to make you feel good?" "You're right. You've always been up front with me. Most of the time that does make me feel good. But you've never said anything that wasn't true to make me feel better about myself." She'd sat down in the tub while talking. "Linda? Do you want me to wash your hair?" "Oh, God. I'd love it." "OK. Hang on a minute." I went into my bathroom and grabbed a large cup I use to wash the soap off the walls after I shower. I know, it sounds anal, but I don't like to scrub soap scum off shower walls. The cup was a big 64 ouncer with a handle I got at 7-11 during some promotion years ago. I stopped by the linen closet on the way back and picked up another washcloth. The washcloth went on the counter, I kept the cup in my hand. "OK. Turn on the water and get it to a comfortable temperature." I had her bend forward and I pushed her hair over her face. It took 3 or four cups to wet the hair the way I wanted it and rinse the missed soap off her body. I walked over to the counter, put the cup down and grabbed the shampoo. It was the last bottle of a stash I'd taken from Mom's house after she died. I put some in Linda's hair and started lathering. I don't think I ever washed a woman's hair before. Definitely not as proud a mane as Linda's or I'd remember it. It was like nothing I've ever experienced. Her full, red hair is a sexual organ. Washing her hair, getting the feel of the hair and the hair with shampoo on it was as good as feeling a woman's breasts or her butt. "I've wanted to do this as long as I can remember." "Uhhm," she sighed. "OK. You're done. Do you want me to rinse you off with the cup or do you want to use the shower?" "I think I'll use the shower." I pulled the stopper out of the tub and turned on the taps. "How's the temperature?" "Good." "OK. Stand up." I gave her my hand. We got her up and I moved her towards the back of the tub. I pulled the shower curtain to the front and flipped it to the inside of the tub. She'd had her eyes closed the whole time. "OK. I'm going to turn on the shower. Here's a clean washcloth for your face. You can take it from there." She rinsed for a minute or two. "Give me that cup. I'll get this crud off the side of the tub." My kind of gal. She turned off the shower, flipped back the curtain and poured a cup of water over the side of the tub that had been under the curtain. She reached for my hand and stepped out onto the mat. "Can I have that towel?" I gave her the towel. "Start with your hair. I'll get another towel." I went to the linen closet and pulled out another towel. She was still drying her hair and I started on her body. "I could get used to this real quick." "Yeah, well, don't get too used to it. I have to work for a living." "Oh, Pete. Am I keeping you from doing something?" "No. It's just that I don't think I can spare an hour and a half each night to give you a bath." "Has it been that long? No wonder I'm so tired. I haven't felt this relaxed in years. And it wasn't just the bath. It was you helping me with the bath." "Do you want to use the blow dryer on your hair?" "No. I just like to let it dry naturally. Do you have something I can wear?" "All the lingerie is at the cleaner's. I can give you one of my T-shirts." "Yeah. Like that will fit." "Hold on. You may be surprised." I'm a big guy. After I quit smoking and drinking, I found that I really liked food. I kept putting on the pounds. From the side I look pregnant. My shirt size is a XXL. What Linda didn't know is that I had some shirts made up for my company. I had a few guys who didn't work out, so I had some small company shirts. I got a royal blue one out of the closet. She saw the name. "I'm impressed." She slipped it on. "How do I look?" The shirt came down to the middle of her thighs. The shoulders were a bit wide but it covered her and wasn't falling off. "You'll do for tonight. Have you got any clothes in that bag of yours?" "Just some dirty undies." "Let's do some laundry so you at least have something to wear when we go shopping tomorrow." "I don't have money for clothes." "It's Christmas. We'll work something out." We figured out that most of the stuff wasn't going to be worn after the next day so we didn't mess with doing different loads. I showed her the soap and she started the washer. One of the first things I learned when I got married was to leave the washer alone when a woman's clothes are in it. Even though I use the same settings, amount of soap, etc, etc, a woman knows a man will ruin her clothes if he tries to wash them. I could get away with turning on the dryer sometimes. I haven't ruined any clothes in the 9 years I've been on my own but that lesson was pretty painful. Linda leaned against the rail on the water bed and brushed her hair as I rummaged around in the bathroom. I found an unused toothbrush, then saw I had a spare attachment for my power brush. I took them both out to her. "Which one would you like to use." She pointed to the toothbrush. I went back in the bathroom, left it next to the sink and brushed my teeth. I came back in the bedroom. "I left the toothbrush next to the sink so you can find it. There's a toothbrush holder hanging next to the medicine cabinet. Toothpaste is in the cabinet. I there anything else you need?" "No, I think I'll be OK. You've been great." I gave her a quick kiss. "I know. Brush your teeth and come to bed." She went into the bathroom. I stripped down to my shorts. I usually sleep nude. I didn't think the time was right to spring that on her. Let's play that by ear. I got in the bed. Linda came out of the bathroom a minute later. She looked like a kid in my company shirt except for that hair. "So, you're going to make me walk all the way around the bed." "You can climb over me if you want, but I wouldn't suggest it on a water bed. I've slept on this side the bed for 20 years and I'm not going to change it because I happen to take pity on some waif." By this time she'd walked around and climbed in on her side of the bed. "Waif! I'll show you waif." She rolled over and started tickling me. Of course, I started tickling her back. I've never been very ticklish but Linda can usually find a spot if she goes on long enough. She claims I'm the only one who's ever been able to tickle her. I don't have to search for the spot. She gave up almost as soon as it started. She got a pouty look on her face, said "Stay away from me, you beast" and rolled over facing the far wall. I rolled on my left side facing the bathroom. I'd slept just like this for the last nine years. Our backs were about four feet apart. I was thinking over the night's events when I felt the bed move. Linda moved over to me, leaned up against my back and put her right arm around me. "Is this OK? I'm not bothering you, am I?" "Go to sleep, Linda." It was less than a minute till I heard her breathing settle down as she fell asleep. Chapter Five I had to get up to use the bathroom a couple of times during the night. Each time I'd work myself loose from Linda and get a groan out of her. A minute after I was back in bed she'd be snuggled up against my back with her arm wrapped around me again. The second time up I took her clothes out of the washer and threw them in the dryer. I woke about 7:30. My mouth tasted like I'd eaten something dead. The smell coming over my shoulder where Linda was breathing wasn't minty fresh, either. So much for a romantic wake-up kiss in bed. I got up, brushed my teeth, put the coffee on and took a shower. My cell phone rang while I was drying off. One of my workers wondering what was on the schedule for today. I told him what I needed done and that I had some unexpected company. He was to report in near the end of the day and we'd figure out what was happening tomorrow. I put on some underpants and went into the bedroom to get dressed. Linda smiled at me as I walked out of the bathroom. "Good morning" "Hi sleepy. Do you want to get some more rest?" She stretched. "Nope. I haven't slept this well in ..." A frown came over her face. "I haven't slept this well in a very long time." "I've got some coffee going in the kitchen. Would you like some?" "Sure. I'll have a double cappuccino latte with a twist." "You'll have Yuban and like it." "Yes, Sir." I got a couple of large mugs and poured coffee in them. I got some milk out of the refrigerator and poured some in mine. I held it up to her and she shook her head. "Sugar?" "No. Black's fine." She took a sip as if she thought I was trying to poison her, then looked surprised. "This is good. How do you get it so strong without it being bitter?" "It's an old Navy trick I read about in one of Jack Clancy's books. You put some salt in the basket with the coffee, then brew it. I've heard about using eggshells, but I've never wanted to try it. So, do you want raisin bran or do you want to go out for breakfast?" "Oh, I don't want any breakfast." "I didn't ask if you wanted breakfast. I asked if you wanted raisin bran or something else. You're too damn skinny to skip meals." She stuck her tongue out at me. I reached over to grab it and she pulled it back in her mouth. "I guess I could eat some pancakes if you don't mind." "No. There's actually a place around the corner that specializes in pancakes. I've been meaning to try it out. Tell you what. You go use the bathroom and brush your teeth. Feel free to take a shower if you want. We'll get breakfast, then we'll see about finding you a new wardrobe." We went out and had a good breakfast. She actually put some food into her body. We talked about where to go shopping. I started naming off places I was familiar with. There's a place close to me that advertises "Dress for Less." She said they usually had good prices on decent clothes, so we headed over there after breakfast. Of course, being a couple of days before Christmas, we had to fight all the crazies looking for bargains. I'll have to say this for Linda – she's not a typical take all day to find one thing woman shopper. She spotted what she wanted and we were in line for the register ten minutes after we walked in the store. Her clothes came from both the children and adult sections. She got a couple of pairs of pants, four shirts and some socks and underwear. No bras. And nothing for bed. Less than $70 on my plastic. We decided her shoes were good for a few days but we'd check out some of the discount shoe stores in the next day or two. We went back home and I put on more coffee. Linda went in to change while I took some junk off the couch. I was just pouring coffee when she walked into the kitchen. "You know? Last night you looked like a dog that's walked for days to get back home. It's amazing what a difference a bath, a good night's sleep, some food and clean clothes make. You look more like my Linda." She smiled. "The last time you called me your Linda must be 30 years ago. It's good to hear it again." "Well, my dear. It's time for you to tell me what's going on." We got our coffee and went out to the living room. Linda put her coffee down on the floor and twisted her hands together. "I can't do this without a cigarette." "OK. I understand. But I'm still not going to let you smoke in the house. Is one cigarette going to do you or are you going to need to keep one going as you're telling me?" "I'll probably go through a whole pack while I'm telling you." "In that case, I've got a couple of lawn chairs in the garage. It's warm enough to sit outside and you can smoke as much as you want." Five minutes later we had three chairs on the front lawn – two for us, one for our coffee cups and her ashtray. "God. How do I break down 20 years into an hour or two." Big breath. "Do you know how things were with my family and me after I got pregnant with Scotty?" "Not really. Everybody seemed to be pretty cold toward him when I was back there for your wedding." "They were on good behavior because there were guests around. I came this close to being disowned when I got pregnant. When he was born and his right hand was deformed I'm sure Mom thought it was the wrath of God. They all shunned me and none of them wanted to have anything to do with him. "So I kept to myself. I had a few friends at work. I wasn't about to get romantic with anybody and get caught again. I took care of my son. You didn't know him, did you?" "No, I think the only time I saw him was when you got married. He seemed pretty shy when Mom tried to talk to him. I did notice that you were the only one in the family who paid any attention to him." "He was ten when I got married to Jim. Scotty spent most of those 10 years trying to get my family to like him. My sisters tolerated him but Mom and Dad acted as if they couldn't stand to have him around. "There was a playground near my apartment where I'd take Scotty to play. We'd toss a football or Frisbee or he'd play with the other kids. One day we were playing football and this guy sat down next to a tree not too far from us. He watched us for a while, then told me I was pretty good. I laughed and told him I'd always been a tomboy as a kid and it came in handy having a son. He said his name was Jim and asked if he could join us. "I threw the ball to him. Jim threw it to Scotty. Scotty threw it to me. Jim started telling Scotty to go long, go out 5 steps then turn right, things like that. Scotty was having a good time but was missing most of the passes. Jim would tell him he'd be better after he grew up, a lot of people can't catch that well, you'll do better after you get some muscles on you. Looking back on it, he was throwing it just far enough away so that Scotty couldn't make the catch, then would say something that sounded like sympathy but really was meant to make Scotty feel worse about himself. "I look at that afternoon today after all Jim put us through and I wonder how I could ever have been fooled. Poor Scotty was so anxious for some attention that he latched onto Jim like he was the messiah. Jim could do no wrong as far as he was concerned. I appreciated a man paying attention to my son and not having to fight him off. That was another sign I should have seen. "Jim was involved in a building project a couple of miles from my apartment. He was renting a place in my building while he was there. He lived in Texas and was going to go back after the project was done in a couple of months. We met at the park a few times over the next two weekends. Jim asked me out. He was always courteous, always made sure to pay attention to Scotty, everything seemed perfect. He found out that I'd been single when I got pregnant and that my family didn't want us around and the next thing I knew I was feeling privileged that he was associating with us. The whole time we were seeing each other he was the perfect gentleman. He never touched me. He kissed me a couple of times but it wasn't anything passionate. Scotty and I were so starved for love that the first thing close to it hooked us. "Jim told me he wanted to get married after the second date. It should have thrown up a big red flag but I just thought it was romantic. He wasn't happy that I wanted the big wedding but went along with it, grumbling the whole time. I used my savings to pay for that thing. Mom and Dad didn't spend a cent." Linda stood up. "Potty break." I hugged her. She wrapped her arms around me and held on as if she was drowning. And then she started shaking as tears streamed down her face. It must have been ten minutes before she pulled back. "God, I must look a mess. You must think ..." "I think you're my Linda and you hurt. You need to let it out. Now go use the bathroom and I'll meet you out here." A quick, grateful smile and she was ran into the house. I went into the kitchen and refilled our coffee mugs. I saw the reflection of my face in the window above the sink. "Steady, Boy. You know the worst is yet to come." I looked at the microwave. 2:20. This had to be draining on her. I put some chunky beef soup in a pot and started warming it up. I was just finished putting two bowls of soup on the kitchen table when she walked in. "Wow. Gloria really domesticated you." "The only thing Gloria had to do with it was leaving me. It was become domesticated or starve." "There's always MacDonald's." "No thanks. I don't like fast food and couldn't afford it for every meal even if I did." We ate the soup in silence, both embarrassed to look at each other too much. The atmosphere was too charged for banal conversation and neither of us was ready to get back into the earlier conversation yet. Linda started clearing the table. "Where's your dishwasher?" "I just got a new one. With red hair." "Ha Ha." "Just rinse them and put them on the counter next to the coffee pot. You can wash them tonight after dinner." We both took a quick bathroom break, then met out front again. "Where was I?" "You were just marrying Jim." "Right. Pete? What did you think of him when you met him?" "I felt weird. Something not quite right but I couldn't put my finger on it. When I got back to Indiana I told Gloria that I thought he might beat you. I wish I'd said something to you now, but I wasn't about to ask you if the guy you were marrying beat you." "I wish you had. He hadn't done anything yet, but if I knew you felt that way I might have done things differently when he started. It was all so gradual. "After the wedding we flew back to Texas. Jim told me I wouldn't need a car so I sold mine to one of the girls at work. I got rid of everything else. Scotty and I had our clothes and that's about it. "The last time Jim kissed me was at our wedding. He never made love to me. He had me go down on him the first night, then he showed me my room. I became his slave. I was stuck in the house without a car. Scotty went to school right down the street. I cleaned his house, cooked his meals and sucked his cock when he let me. He'd come in my room, force me to my knees and leave when I was done. "Jim made it very evident that we should feel grateful that he was feeding and clothing us. He made both of us feel worthless. And he did such a good job of it that we couldn't see what was happening. Nothing Scotty did was ever any good for Jim. That poor kid worked his heart out trying to get back some of that love he thought Jim was giving him before we married. A couple of weeks before his fifteenth birthday he asked Jim if he could have a birthday party. "Jim went ballistic. He tore into Scotty and that poor kid never knew what happened. Scotty was a worthless, ungrateful cripple who was taking advantage because Jim had taken pity on him and his worthless mother. I finally stood up to Jim and he went wild on me. First he slapped me across the face. Then he took off his belt and started beating me. It seemed to go on forever. The whole time he was telling me how worthless I was, what a whore I was, not fit to lick his boots, I don't remember all he said. He tore up my back and I couldn't lie on it for two weeks. He swore to both of us that if either of us told anyone that he would make them watch while he beat the other one to death. The next morning I found Scotty hanging from a rafter in the garage. Oh, Pete, I miss him so much." I stood up, walked over and pulled her out of her chair by the hand. I walked her into the house and into my room. When I got to my room I maneuvered us over to the water bed. I lay down on my back, opened my arms and tapped my chest with my right hand. Linda fell into my arms, her head on my chest. "Let it out. It's OK. I'm here for you as long as you need me." A Linda Christmas It was as if a damn broke. Linda cried and cried and cried. I let her. Chapter Six Linda must have cried for a good half hour before she started settling down. Shortly thereafter her breathing changed and I could tell she was asleep. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was almost 5:00. The next thing I knew it was dark. There was no way to get out from under her without waking her. I started rubbing her back. "Hey. Linda. Wakey, wakey." She groaned and pulled herself tighter to me. I started playing with her hair, then I stuck my little finger in her ear. That finally got her attention. "Leave me alone." She tried to swat my hand away and hit her ear instead. "No. It's Christmas eve and we have one chance to see my family. They're all meeting at Gloria's tonight." Well, she was interested in my family even if they weren't interested in me. It's a long story and I'm definitely to blame for some of it. I was low man on the totem pole for all three kids, so I was lucky to see any of them, much less the grandkids at Christmas. I just sat back and watched the other grandparents play their games. I'm pretty sure the purpose of the game was to keep your child and his family away from any other relatives for as long as possible. This proved how much you loved them, I think. It was 7:30 by the time I had the box of presents and Linda in the Aerostar. It was starting to cool down so she had on one of my old jackets that hadn't fit me for the last 10 years. She was able to roll the sleeves up so her hands stuck out. Gloria and I were married about 11 years when we discovered we couldn't live with each other. She more so than me. We still liked each other, in fact I think we still loved each other. I'd sobered up in the last 8 years but there was no way we were going to get back together. We parked on the street and started walking toward the house. Gloria rented the back house on a two-house lot. About halfway back my daughter's two oldest girls ran out the front door screaming "Grandpa Pete! Grandpa Pete!" At 5 and 9 they were still young enough to find the simplest thing exciting. "Girls. This is your Aunt Linda." "Aunt Linda! Aunt Linda!" "Linda, this is Angel and this is Suzette. Goober and Squirt." I got a "Granpaaaah" from both of them. Linda dropped down to their level, said hello and gave each of them a hug. They hugged back as if they'd known her forever. Suzette was looking in the box of presents. "Which ones are for me?" "Can't you read the names on them?" "No." "I guess we won't know which are for you, then." "I'll read them for you Zetters." Angel. We went in the house proceeded by two whirlwinds. As soon as we went in the front door both girls yelled "Nana. Our Aunt Linda came with Grandpa Pete!" That caused everyone to turn around. I think my kids and Gloria's brother were all wondering what kind of "Aunt" this was and how did I have the balls to bring her to my ex wife's Christmas party. Gloria said "Oh, my God. I'd recognize you anywhere. Your hair is so beautiful." She gave Linda a hug and started taking her around the room, introducing her to everybody. Everybody in the house gave Linda a hug. By the time the intros were over, Linda had a big smile on her face and tears coming down her cheeks. Linda got me alone later and asked how Gloria knew what she looked like when they'd never seen each other. I explained that there was a picture of her as a teenager that really didn't look that much different and that Mom and Grandma had always talked about her. I think she'd been the favorite of both of them, too. We opened presents and ate Christmas junk and drank sodas and generally had a good time. Linda disappeared out to the garage a few times with one or more of my kids and "snuck" a cigarette. She acted embarrassed when Gloria and I went out there while she was smoking. Gloria lit up her own while I got some fresh air outside the garage door, away from the smoke. The party broke up around 11. Gloria asked Linda if she was going to be around after New Years. Linda wasn't sure, she said it depended a lot on me. I said we'd see how good she was at washing dishes, mopping floors, cooking meals when Linda poked me in the stomach. Gloria owns her own business maintaining plants in businesses. Most of them put up Christmas trees, many also had other decorations that Gloria provided. She had the week between Christmas and New Years to take them all down, so it was a busy week for her. Anyway, if Linda was still around they'd get together. Linda held my arm and leaned up against me as we walked down the driveway. "Thank you." "You're welcome. Merry Christmas, Linda." We drove home. "Linda. There's one thing I don't understand. Why did you stay with Jim for so long after he started beating you?" "I don't know. It's impossible to believe it's been 15 years. The man had a way of holding on to me so that I couldn't even think of breaking away. He constantly threatened that he'd kill me if I ever tried it. I'm glad I finally got the nerve to run. It was the realization that we'd been married for 20 years that finally convinced me to do it. Do you mind if we don't talk about it for a while?" "No, that's fine. You know I'm here if you need me." "Yeah. I guess I knew that all along but I didn't believe it. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't around. Thanks for helping me out." We pulled into the driveway. Linda had some Tupperware containers with leftovers Gloria sent home with her and she put them in the refrigerator. I went into the bathroom, washed my face and started brushing my teeth. As soon as I got my toothbrush in my mouth Linda shoved me out of the way so she could get to the sink. After I finished we wrestled until I was allowed to rinse my mouth and toothbrush. I stayed in the bathroom to use the toilet. When I came out Linda was down to her bra and panties. She held up the work shirt she'd worn to bed the night before. "I don't see any reason I need to wear this to bed, do you?" "I guess not." I started to get out of my clothes. "And I don't think you need to wear those shorts, either." She dropped the bra on the floor, worked her panties down her legs and onto the pile, then climbed in the bed. She scooted over toward my side. I finished undressing and got under the covers. I reached up and turned off the light. I don't know if Santa was around or not. Neither of us heard anything.