8 comments/ 19403 views/ 13 favorites A Family Feud By: Cromagnonman During the course of this story reference is made to a play written a few years ago by one Wm. Shakespeare Esq. In fact the perceptive reader will recognise some aspects of the storyline have been 'borrowed' from that work. I make no apology for that, for it might be said; 'if the wheel ain't broke, why build a new one.' I am not the first, and indeed will not be the last, to have borrowed that same storyline. CM PS: The perceptive reader will also notice a few new words in this story. These are of my own invention, and seemed appropriate to the narrative. CM * Never in the history of family feuds was there ever one as violent, or indeed un-necessary, as that between the Mitchells and the Coopers. The Montagues and Capulets, and the Martins and the Coys pale into insignificance beside the Mitchells and the Coopers, and it all started over a woman. Four generations ago two young men, Henry Mitchell and George Cooper were the best of mates. Their families lived next door to each other, at numbers 32 and 34 Mortons Lane in a small rural village respectively. Each family lived on their small holdings where they grew fruit and vegetables, raised poultry for eggs and each had a cow grazing in the back yard to provide them with milk. The young men did everything together, they rode together, they fished together and, it seemed that they would be best mates for the rest of their lives. What then, I hear you ask dear reader, could possibly have come between these two inseparable best mates? I offer by way of explanation but two words; Lydia Armitage. Into these idyllic lives came Lydia Armitage who was what was described as a 'sweet girl' or a 'comely wench'. She was slim and of medium height, her unsupported breasts pressed provocatively against the bodice of her high-necked blouse, and even those that did not know her had to admit that she was pretty. She was also an agreeable young girl, who found it difficult to so 'no' to anyone. At first this was not a problem, the twosome became a threesome, in a non-sexual way of course. The three of them rode together, they even fished together, and no-one thought any more of it until, one day, in response to the question; 'will you allow me to kiss you', Lydia kissed each of them behind the other's back. Henry Mitchell now wanted more of this relationship with Lydia than he could have with George Cooper tagging along and spoiling his chances, so he asked Lydia to be his date at the next community dance. What he didn't know was that George had decided that HE wanted more from his relationship with Lydia, and he had already asked Lydia to be his date. Lydia solved the problem in the short term by going with both of them. This solution was very short term, as a fight broke out between the two of them over who was to kiss her good-night. They tossed a coin for it but, by the time they found the coin in the long grass, Lydia had gone inside. It was then decided that Lydia would go out with them on a roster system. This proved to be something of a disaster because a date to the dance had a higher status to a date to the Sunday picnic down by the river bank with the rest of the people in the village, and each of them tried to forego the lesser status date so that he was next in line for the higher status date. Their rivalry took a turn for the worse when George hid in the bushes on the side of the road and waited for Henry's horse and sulky to come slowly by. As it passed him he spooked the horse and it bolted down the road at breakneck speed. It was some time before Henry could bring it under control. Lydia demanded that he take her straight home. He didn't even get a goodnight kiss from her before she jumped from the sulky and bolted for the safety of her home. The next time that George took her out, he was driving his sulky slowly along the road to the riverside park, where he intended to lay down a rug and entice her to sit with him in the hope that he would be able to kiss her. They had just sat down when a gunshot spooked the grazing horse, it took off with the empty sulky and galloped back to the safety of its barn. The sulky hit the gatepost as the horse tried to negotiate the turn off the road and a wheel was shattered, along with the friendship between Henry Mitchell and George Cooper. Henry claimed that he was shooting at a rabbit, and produced a suitably freshly killed carcase to back his claim. Claim and counter claim over who had started this feud between the two of them spread to the parents and brothers and sisters. Soon neither family spoke to the other. Lydia, disgusted with the whole episode, moved to the city to live with an aunt, where, not long after, she found it impossible to say 'no' to her new friend Spencer Fawcett when he invited her to accompany him home to meet his parents. That his parents were not home was unknown to her, but well known to him. She did not say 'no' to him when he suggested that they would be more comfortable on the sofa. She did not say 'no' to him when he placed his hand on her breast, she also did not say 'no' when he put his under her skirt and touched her between the legs, and by the time he suggested that they would be even more comfortable in his bed, she had found it even more difficult to say 'no'. Three months later when Spencer felt obliged to ask her to marry him, and she had no hesitation in saying 'yes'. This proposal came as a relief to her because she had just told him that she had missed her second period and was certain that she was with child. This was to be the first of five children that she and Spencer would have before she decided that a hastily invented headache meant that she no longer had to say 'yes'. News of this union found its way back to Henry and George and both of them realised that they had missed a perfect opportunity by not asking the right question of Lydia. Meanwhile Henry and George now spent their time avoiding each other and encouraging the rest of their families to do likewise. Early one morning Henry's uncle Fred caused the conflict, that had been simmering for some time, to erupt with new found fervour. As he staggered with rum-befuddled steps toward the dunny, the Cooper's magnificent Rhode Island Red rooster chose that moment to wake the world. Standing on the fence that separate the two properties and stretching himself up to his full height, and with his neck arched, he began his wake up call. He had got as far as 'Cock-a- doo.' When Uncle Fred's hand grabbed him by the neck and with a swift twist the rooster's voice was cut off mid-call. While Fred denied any knowledge of the bird's demise, he was heard to admit in private that the 'damned bird did taste nice'. (In those days the dunny, as toilets were known, was a weatherboard construction in the farthest corner of the block. It sat over a 'long drop', a deep hole into which the waste products dropped a good twelve feet before combining with previous droppings. For the purpose of cleaning the nether regions a thick bundle of newspaper squares held together by a piece of string passed through a hole in one corner and looped over a conveniently placed nail. Caution had to be observed when vomiting into the dunny, you had to remember to remove your false teeth for fear of them dropping from your wide open mouth mid-chuck. Once down the hole they were impossible to recover. Usually there was a wood heap next to the dunny, so that when you'd finished, you would grab a load of firewood and bring it up to the house. No self respecting dunny was without a choko vine growing over it. These provided a continuous supply of chokoes for the dinner table while protecting the occupants from the hot sun. Everyone overlooked the fact that, the reason that these vines were so prolific, was that their feeding roots were firmly entrenched in the waste products of the family that it fed). Another incident that has entered into Mitchell folklore, to be told to youngsters of each new generation, was how George Cooper's brother Jim found himself unable to sit down for weeks. The current Mitchell grandfather was telling the tale to this current group of Mitchell youngsters. "Great-great- grandfather noticed, when he was picking fruit in the orchard at the back of our property, that the oranges seemed to be disappearing faster than he was picking them. Having decided that one of the Coopers was slipping through the fence in the wee small hours and helping himself, Great-great-Grandfather decided that revenge was in order, so he got a couple of shotgun cartridges and removed the shot. He replaced it with coarsely ground rock salt from the cow lick and put the wadding back in. He then sat in wait and, sure enough, he saw someone throw a bag over the fence and climb through it himself. He waited until the man had harvested his supply of oranges and had lifted the bag over the fence. Then, as he pushed down the centre strand of the barbed wire fence and climbed between it and the top strand, Great-grandfather let him have it with both barrels, right up the Khyber Pass." "What's a Khyber Pass Grand-dad?" asked one of the transfixed youngsters. "His bottom." "Oh, you mean he shot him up the arse." "Yeah, well, yes, he shot him up the arse. They knew which Cooper it was soon enough." "Gee Grand-dad, didn't he get into trouble?" "No, the thing about the feud is that while it stayed between the families the cops didn't worry us, but one thing was for sure, Jim Cooper never nicked any fruit, ever again." Eventually both Henry and George married equally attractive young women and raised a family. Neither of them was happy in his marriage because, in the back of his mind, he had thoughts of what might have been with Lydia. The two wives each tried hard to make the most of her marriage, but knew that she could never compete with her husband's memory of Lydia. Both of them hated Lydia for coming between her and her husband. Beneath the surface, the four people had reason to blame Lydia for their unhappy situation, and beneath the surface the feud simmered, occasionally boiling over into open conflict. This conflict was passed down from them to their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Even now, while they no longer shot at each other, the Mitchell children and the Cooper children will only speak to each other if there was no way of avoiding it. The Mitchell and Cooper boys have had to be counselled on the ferocity of the way that they tackled each other when playing football, and the way, if one was bowling to the other at cricket, the ball would invariably be bowled as fast as the bowler could bowl it, and aimed at the other's body at a point anywhere between the groin and the head. The Mitchell and Cooper girls' rivalry centred on who had the best circle of friends. This too had reached violent proportions to the point that neither of them could entice the girls in their class to be their friend. So of course they blamed each other for the situation. The school principal had, on a number of occasions, sought mediation meetings between the warring parties. He eventually came to the conclusion that there would be no easy solution. He even went as far as to arrange a showing of the film 'Romeo and Juliet' in the school hall and made sure that both families received an invitation. The damage to the hall and its furniture was to set the school budget back by thousands of dollars and resulted in an official reprimand from the Education Department. What then, I hear you ask dear reader, can possibly break down this impenetrable barrier that has separated these two families for generations? Again I offer you two words; 'true love'. It began one bright and sunny day, Justine Cooper got on the train to go into the city to University. The only available seat in the whole carriage was the one next to Justin Mitchell. She looked along the full length of the carriage but was left with two options, to strap-hang for the entire journey, or sit next to Justin. Reluctantly she sat next to him. He glanced at her and, without thinking, said "Hi." "Hi." She replied. Then, simultaneously the conversation went like this; "Hey, do you know why our families hate each other?" "No, do you?" They looked at each other and decided, in that instant, that the family feud didn't apply to them, and that secretly, they were attracted to each other. The silence having been broken, and the conversational floodgates having been opened, there was no stopping this moment from becoming a relationship. Frederick Talbot who was seated across the aisle from Justin and Justine, glanced up from reading the script of his role in 'Romeo and Juliet' (he was Romeo) and thought to himself that there was something very familiar about the couple seated across from him. He returned to his script and thought no more about it. Each morning from then on, they would board, at a discreet distance in case a family member or someone close to the family happened to be watching, the train. Once mobile they would seek each other out and sit next to each other for the rest of the journey. In the evening they would catch the same train home, waiting until it had almost reached their stop before kissing and moving to separate doorways to alight from the train at their station. Their respective families were none the wiser, even though, because of an invented 'study necessity', the return journey got later and later. One evening, having just left Justine with the taste of her lips on his and her touch burning his cheek, Justin announced to his family that he'd been offered a room in a house rented by friends, one that was very close to the University. "What I spend in fares is almost what I would be paying for the room, and it will save me over an hour a day in travelling time. I would be crazy to miss such an opportunity." What his parents didn't know was that, at that very same moment in the Cooper household, Justine had just put forward the same proposition. What both of them had conveniently forgotten to mention was, that the room that they were talking of was the self same room. If either family knew that their children would be sharing a room there would have been blood in the streets. Discretion on the part of Justin and Justine prevented this from happening. The logistics of the move was quite complex. On the following Saturday Justine, in the company of her parents, deposited her belongings at the house at number 32 Benton Street and she introduced them to her three housemates, Petra, Judy and Rose. The following day Justine, Petra, Judy and Rose all made themselves scarce while Justin, in the company of his parents, deposited his belongings at the house and he introduced them to his housemates, Robert, William and Peter who had thoughtfully absented themselves from the house the day before. That evening the four couples sat around the living room watching TV and eating pizza washed down with chateau cardboard red wine, and congratulating each other on the deception that they had just pulled off. Later that evening Justin held Justine in his arms and kissed her fondly on the lips. "We did it, I never thought that this would have been possible, but we did it." He kissed her again, this time with a little more fervour. "Now we can openly express our feelings for each other, our love for each other. Will you love me, please?" She whispered. Neither of them was without experience in the matter of making love, but this was a special moment for them, and they were determined to savour every minute of it. Following thirty minutes of tender foreplay Justin had arrived at the moment that he'd been waiting for, the moment of penetration. He pushed slowly into Justine's perfectly prepared pussy and, as quietly as he could so as not to disturb the housemates, given that the bed creaked like a rusty gate, he proceeded to make love to her. He was to find out that the noises he could hear in the background were three similarly noisy beds. The sound of their bed soon joined the rhythms of the night. "I love you Justine Cooper." Justin Mitchell whispered to her as they lay panting beside each other in their conjugal bed. "I love you too, Justin Mitchell, I really do." She whispered in reply as she applied a handful of tissues to her pussy. "I never thought that I would ever be saying that to a Mitchell, but I've never heard anything that sounded sweeter." "I agree with you, and I'm going to refuse to even consider how, sooner or later, we are going to have to tell our parents about us." "Will we have to?" "Of course, you don't think that I'm going to let a family feud stop me from marrying you do you?" "No. But we don't have to rush into telling them, do we? Let us enjoy this for as long as we can." In the back of her mind she had visions of her family's reaction to the news, it would register 2.9 on the Richter scale and she would either have to abandon her family or Justin. He was having similar thoughts. For the next three and a half years until their graduation they lived in the house, went to Uni to study, sat side by side at adjourning desks supporting each other in the writing of their assignments, and when the work of the day was complete they performed their ablutions together, the mutual lathering in the shower a precursor to the mutual pleasures of their bed, a bed that no longer squeaked like a rusty gate, and that now allowed them to make love with unbridled passion. To their friends they were 'joined by love' conjoined twins, in every aspect of their lives, inseparable. Meanwhile at numbers 32 and 34 Mortons Lane, the family feud carried on unabated, the newest generation of the Mitchells and Coopers were at each other's throats with a new fervour and little thought was given to the absent Justin and Justine. The latest incarnation of Henry Mitchell, Justin's father, looked up from the morning newspaper, swallowed the piece of bacon, and addressed his wife. "Margot, we must make arrangements to attend Justin's graduation." "Yes dear, I must have a new dress, I have nothing to wear." Henry's mind dashed to the large walk-in wardrobe that he had installed to house his wife's ever expanding collection of dresses, and cringed. If this kept up he would have to move his clothes to an adjoining room. It served him right for marrying a fashion model, but then she was better looking than George's wife. "Yes dear." He returned to his bacon and eggs and newspaper. Next door George Cooper paused mid-chew and swallowed. "Brenda, has Justine spoken to you about her graduation?" "Yes dear, we are going, but I have to have a new dress." "Surely you don't. . . ." He caught the death stare from his wife's eyes and realised that to continue would take him down a dangerous path. It served him right for having married a fashion model, but then she was better looking than Henry's has-been hag. "When is it? I must clear my appointment book for a couple of hours on that day." At number 32 Benton Street Justine reached for Justin's flaccid cock. Justin and his cock woke simultaneously and the owner of the cock in hand rolled over and kissed the owner of the hand on cock. "Good morning, my darling." He kissed her again. "It will be soon, my love." She returned his kiss as he rolled on top of her and proceeded to make love to her in their squeakless bed. They never tired of this moment, the dawning of a new day, another day to enjoy each other and forget about the world outside their own. Today they will both receive the results of their application for employment, today they can begin to plan the rest of their lives. Mutually abluted and clothed they sat down for a leisurely breakfast and to wait for the mail delivery. It was a long wait, four cups of coffee long, before they heard the Postie's motorbike squeak to a halt at the front gate. Casually they ran for the letter-box and extracted their separate missives, each tearing the envelope open and reading the message before screaming in delight. A Family Feud At Bradbrook, Pearson and Associates, Barristers and Solicitors of 315a Swain Street, Bronwyn Jenkins, the Human Resource Manager, handed two applications to Bradford Bradbrook, the Senior Partner. "Sir I have been unable to separate these two applications, they are so alike that, if it wasn't for their names I would swear that they were identical twins. I am suggesting that we should employ both of them. Their results were both outstanding, they received the equal highest grades in their graduating class, and I understand that they are close friends." She didn't feel the need to inform him that both applicants lived at the same address, that would have to wait. "Very well, do it." Bradford had faith in her recommendation and could see no problem in this solution to the problem. Justin and Justine hugged each other and decided that a celebratory return to bed was in order. "Undress me my Darling." Justine asked Justin. Ever the obliging suitor, Justin commenced to slowly remove her clothes, pausing as each article was removed to kiss Justine's freshly revealed body. He took special care with her panties, ensuring that the reveal of her pussy was carried out as sensuously as possible, his tongue and finger ensuring that she did not feel, or notice, that the inadequate scrap of material did not touch her legs on its way to the floor. She took his hand and encouraged him to rise. "Allow me to undress you my Love." If Justin thought that he was gentle he was mistaken, for in comparison, his efforts were clumsy. His second favourite part of making love happened when she had pulled down his shorts revealing her favourite part of his body, his now erect cock. She took it into her mouth and began to give him the pleasure that she knew he loved so much. After a few minutes she led him back to bed so that she could give him the pleasure that she knew that he loved even more. In the bed once more, Justine encouraged Justin's cock to her pussy, not that it needed any encouragement, all it needed was a hint of an opportunity and it was there with bells on. This moment of mutual sexual gratification was a daily ritual for them, except for that time of month when the 'flags were out'. Strawberry dipping was, by mutual agreement, not on the sexual menu. Several minutes into the post coital reverie, Justin turned to his beloved. "I suppose that we'll have to start looking for a suitable apartment." "Please, not today, I refuse to move from this bed." She bent to his cock to suck the remains of their lovemaking from it. "Very well, tomorrow then. You do realise, don't you, that the moment of dread is almost upon us, the moment when we must reveal to our parents that we have not only been living together for the last three and a bit years, but that we intend to go on living with each other." "Now you've spoiled the moment, why did you have to bring that up?" She came back up the bed so that she could kiss him, and so that he would realise that she would not allow this moment to be irrevocably lost. "Please, take my mind off it for now." She kissed him, he kissed her and the moment was forgotten. Thus the day continued with no thought of their future problems, ah bliss. The next morning they stood, hand in hand, looking at the window display of rental apartments on offer by a real estate agent. Inside Frederick Talbot looked up from the script for his next role, a part that he was surreptitiously reading while he waited for his first customer of the day. He saw our happy couple smile and kiss each other when they spied a likely property. 'How I wish,' he thought to himself, 'I could have looked as much in love as that young man when I played Romeo, I would not have received such a luke-warm review.' Hastily shuffling the script under a folder, he stood and smiled as Justin and Justine came through his door. "We are interested in one of your properties." They said in unison. "Certainly Sir, Madam, which one takes your fancy?" He looked from one to the other and decided that the fault for his unconvincing performance of Romeo was not entirely his, if HIS Juliet had looked as much in love with him as this young woman, he would has responded in kind. Justin and Justine sat opposite him at his desk while he went through the particulars of the property and rental agreement. Frederick was certain that they would take it. "We are interested, but there is one thing that we have to do before we commit ourselves to this property, we will make a decision this evening and, if we've decided on this property we will return in the morning to sign the agreement." Justine was showing the first signs a becoming a forceful negotiator. "You can rest assured that everything will be in readiness for your tomorrow. You have chosen well." "Thank you." They stood and Justin held the door for Justine. Their next call was to the offices of Bradbrook, Pearson and Associates, Barristers and Solicitors of 315a Swain Street, where they met with Bronwyn Jenkins. "I must confess that, having interviewed you separately I couldn't help but notice the similarities between you, so much so that I could not find a point of difference between you. Now, having seen you together I realise that there is no point of difference, are you sure that you're not twins? I notice that you are living at the same address, is this a coincidence?" "We are not twins and the fact that we have the same address is, that from the moment that we met we were convinced that we should not be separated. There has been a major problem with that in that both of our families have been involved in a feud that has gone back generations. We had to get away from that for our love to survive." "That it has is very obvious. Now to business, what I have here is an employment package, it contains details of the Practice, its Partners, and primary business agendas. It also contains details of the salary package that we are offering along with your conditions of employment. I want you to take your time and read them and when you are ready, come back and we will have you and the Partners sign them. I have no hesitation in telling you that, on behalf of myself and the Senior Partner, we want you, both of you and if you have other offers under consideration, our door is always open for negotiation. You will soon understand that what we want, we get." "If we decide in your favour, how soon would we be expected to commence our employment?" "As we already know that you have graduated, even though the ceremonial graduation is still some weeks away, we would expect that you should start next Monday. Would that be acceptable?" "That would, we have a few things that we need to do, like move out of our student accommodation into something of our own, we have a lease agreement to look over before tomorrow and then we will have to move in. Even though it is furnished accommodation, we will have to buy stuff." "Would you like us to look over the rental agreement with you, I'm sure that I can find someone free to do that for you." "Would you?" Justine asked. "Wait here, I'll see who I can find." She left to return minutes later with none other than Bradford Bradbrook. "I would like you to meet Justin and Justine, the two graduates that we are trying to hire." "I'm pleased to finally meet you. Ever since we received your applications we have been dying to meet you. Now Bronwyn tells me that you have a lease agreement to look over, may I?" He held out his hand and Justine handed over the file. He quickly read through it. "Yes it looks straight forward enough, it's a standard form of agreement, but I think we can haggle a little on the rent. Do you mind?" "No, Sir." Justin and Justine said. Bradford looked at them, it wasn't often that responses from two people could be so co-ordinated. He picked up the phone and dialled the real estate office. "Hello, I'd like to speak to Mr. Talbot please. Freddie? It's Brad here, look you had a visit from a young couple this morning who were looking at a rental property, yes that's them. The thing of it is, we are in the process of offering them both employment contracts with our Practice, and we may need a sweetener to get them, yes we need them that much. What can you do for us and them?" He took a pen from his pocket and crossed out the rental amount on the contract and wrote in new figures and passed it over for our happy couple to read. They were surprised at the new amount and quickly nodded their agreement. "They agree Freddie, we'll send them around right away with the signed agreement to pick up the keys, and thank you." He was confronted with puzzled expressions from both of them. "He's a member of the theatre group I'm in. I find live theatre's a good way to hone my courtroom skills." And that is how, dear reader, we find our lovebirds, comfortably ensconced in their own, share it with no-one apartment, before even they had commenced their employment and indeed before they had received their graduation diplomas. This ceremony was still three weeks away and, I'm afraid to say, a lot can happen in that time. The first of the lot occurred not one week later when Margot Mitchell took it upon herself to visit Justin at number 32 Benton Street to tell him just how proud his family was that he had done so well with his studies. (The results were printed in the newspaper.) She was perturbed when she was told by one of their former housemates that Justin no longer lived at that address. She was further perturbed by the fact that the housemates consisted of members of both sexes. She said nothing to them but raised the topic at dinner that evening. "Henry, I called by Justin's house to tell him that we would be attending his graduation only to discover that he had moved out and that his housemates didn't know where he was. What was even more disturbing was that what we had been led to believe was a house populated by only boys was in fact the abode of both boys AND girls. I just hope that he has not fallen into the clutches of some young floozy." "I'm sure that he has more sense than that." (What he didn't say was; he wouldn't have been the first in his family to do that, but he was too diplomatic for that.) "Where could he be I wonder?" "Don't worry your pretty head my dear, we will find out soon enough when we see him at his graduation." "I'm sure that everything will be all right." Margot said to herself because Henry had ceased listening. Brenda Cooper made a similar discovery the following day when she too called in to number 32 Benton Street to tell Justine that the Coopers would be at her graduation en masse. The door was answered not by Petra Judy or Rose, but by Peter. He did not know where Justine now lived but, forgetting that he had been sworn to secrecy all of those years ago added that she and Justin had discussed finding their own place now that they had found employment. Horrified at this turn of events Brenda could not wait for George to get home that evening, so she hastened to his office to tell him the news. "She is with someone called Justin, I hope that it's not that odious little Justin Mitchell." "I'm sure that Justine would never betray her family by even speaking to a Mitchell, let alone take up with him. We will speak with her about her current situation when we see her at her graduation." Our lovebirds were as oblivious of the rumblings gathering strength around them as the residents of Pompeii were of Vesuvius gathering her larval power. The Mitchells and the Coopers eyed each other off from separate sides of the auditorium as their children walked proudly onto the stage to receive their diplomas, and to jointly receive the Dux of School award. The troubles did not begin until the photos were being taken. After the family photos were taken the housemates decided that a shot of the eight of them should be taken for posterity, for it was obvious to all of them that at least two of them were destined for stardom. Watched by an increasingly uneasy family, they grouped together in couples. It wasn't until the photographer asked the couples to put their arms around each other that it hit the fan. Caught up in the moment, Justin and Justine put their arms around each other, looked lovingly at each other and smiled. "How dare you!" Shouted Henry and George angrily as they advanced upon the startled group. "Unhand my son you harlot!" Shouted an angry Henry. "Unhand my daughter you cur!" Shouted an equally angry George. "Fucking hell!" Shouted Justin and Justine as, having decided that discretion was definitely the better part of valour, they escaped from the impending melee. The phalanx of Mitchells and Coopers advanced on each other and a third phalanx of security guards advancing from the side decided that they would call the police and wait for reinforcements. Henry and George advanced on each other and were soon exchanging blows with more enthusiasm than skill while their wives had unsheathed fingernails and each was intent on modifying her opponent's face. The children took up the cudgels with a youthful enthusiasm and the centre of the auditorium was soon a mass of flailing arms and legs and the sounds of abuse hurled across the whole. Alarmed parents of other graduates headed for the exits in horror while the university authorities deplored amongst themselves the violence that they were witnessing. "It is just not done." The Vice-Chancellor said to one of the professors, "it is both alarming and demeaning, and does the school no favours at all." The doors crashed open to admit a dozen black clad riot squad members, each one hiding behind a plexiglass riot shield. A loud hailer crackled into life. "Stop this now!" The order was not only ignored by the melee, but a response of 'fuck off' was hurled back at the officer. "I'm warning you, this is your final warning, if you do not cease and desist I will be forced to take action." "Fuck off!" Came from the melee. "Fire!" The leader ordered, and a tear gas canister arced its way over the spectators and landed in the middle of the melee. "Now let's get this lot sorted!" He yelled at his squad as it moved into the melee to separate them and arrest the ringleaders. Justin and Justine watched shamefacedly as a contingent of police vehicles carried the combatants off to the police station. How could their families do this to them on this of all days? News of the melee featured strongly on both the evening News bulletins and the News Magazine programmes on all channels. Uploaded mobile phone images became the latest sensation on YouTube and Facebook. "This is not going to end well." Justin said to Justine as they lay in their bed that night, their love for each other remained, for the first time ever, unrequited. When they arrived at Bradbrook, Pearson and Associates, Barristers and Solicitors of 315a Swain Street the next morning, a concerned Bronwyn Jenkins met them at the front office and ushered them into the inner sanctum, the Company boardroom. "Please sit down, Bradford will be with you shortly. You may help yourself to coffee if you wish." She helped herself, but neither Justin nor Justine was in any mood for coffee. Bradford bustled in. "Sorry to keep you waiting, if you don't mind Bronwyn, I think I'll have a coffee. Now down to business, your parents were responsible for quite a shitstorm yesterday, to put it mildly. I have just come from the court and the Magistrate has ordered that both parties, at least the adults, are to attend mediation counselling in an effort to end this eternal feud. I didn't want to disagree with him but I know that no amount of counselling will solve the problem." "Look we're extremely sorry for the behaviour of our parents and both of us have drafted a letter of apology to the University on their behalf." Justin told him. "It was not your fault and I told the University as much yesterday. They will, of course, seek compensation from your parents for the damage, both physical and that of the reputation of the University, and I fully support that. Personally, I think that more drastic action is necessary and I intend to place that before the Magistrate at the next hearing in two weeks, after he has been told by the mediators of their lack of success." "What do you have in mind?" "I can't tell you just yet." He smiled at them just as a snake would smile at a mouse. He was up to something. "We might have something that will bring them together." Justine said. "At least I hope that it will. What if we were to appear in court as husband and wife." "That's a huge risk that you'll be taking, Justin's parents will claim that you seduced him and forced him to marry you, while your parents will claim that he somehow tricked you into marrying him." "Not if we bring our former housemates to court to give evidence in support of the strength of our love for each other, they have been a lot closer to us than either of our parents." "We'll see what it takes when the time comes." Bradford told them "In the mean time we all have proper work to do." There were several planning meetings leading up to the next court appearance. The courtroom was filled with the warring parties, security guards and with the media expecting bloodshed. At a counsel table at the front of the court, separate from the Mitchell and Cooper tables, was one at which sat Bradford Bradbrook and his junior counsel, Justin and Justine Mitchell. The court was brought to order and the Magistrate sat down and glared at the Mitchells and Coopers. "I have here a report from the Mediation Counsellors who were appointed by me to try to get you two groups of supposed adults to see reason and resolve your differences. Under the circumstances I propose that either a custodial sentence or a severe monetary, or both, penalty be applied to both of you because you are equally to blame for the debacle at what was supposed to be a happy occasion. Can either of you come up with a reason why the penalties that I've just outlined should not apply?" Before either counsel could react Bradford rose to his feet and in his best honed by theatre voice proclaimed. "Your Honour, I represent another party in this affair, one who have suffered greater trauma than either of these parties. They are here with me today as my Junior Counsel, may I introduce Mr Justin Mitchell and Mrs Justine Mitchell." "What!" From the Mitchell and Cooper camps. "Order!" From the bench. Stunned silence from the Mitchell and Cooper camps. "Would you care to explain this Mr. Bradbrook?" "Certainly Your Honour. The Law Firm of which I am the Senior Partner were seeking to employ the brightest graduate from last year's graduating class. My Human Resource Manager, Ms. Bronwyn Jenkins, went through all of the graduating class and interviewed those that she considered good enough. There were two outstanding candidates that she could not separate, so we decided to employ both. They sit here beside me now. Before the melee started they received, jointly and deservedly, the award for Dux of the School, the highest academic prize awarded to graduates." "Since joining Bradbrook, Pearson and Associates they have impressed, not only myself but all of the Partners, with their diligence and attention to detail, qualities that we prize. As well as that they have impressed with their devotion to each other and it was with great pleasure that I was asked to be a witness at their recent wedding. This step was not one that they took lightly. They were aware that this would fly in the face of the feud that has for decades seen their parents, and their parents parents, continually at each others throats. They hoped that their news and their happiness would be enough to bring their parents together, but it seems that they need help. That is what I am going to offer them today. With the court's indulgence I would like to relate a tale that will shed some light on this feud." A Family Feud "Please do Mr. Bradbrook." "Some time ago, in a small town lived two boys who were inseparable friends, they could well have been twins. Into their lives came a girl named Lydia Armitage and the three of them became inseparable for a time until, and hormones came into play here, each of the boys thought that he was more entitled to happiness with Lydia than the other. What began as mere rivalry soon developed into severe and poisonous animosity to the point where shots were fired. That their fathers didn't take them behind the woodshed and give them a few licks with his belt could have been the cause of the further escalation in their feud, for that was what it had now become." "The situation got so bad that the girl, Lydia, sought refuge in the city with an aunt and left them there to sort out their differences. But they never did, because neither of them was prepared to admit that he was acting in any way reprehensibly. What made it worse was that both families took pride in their occasional victories over the other and their continual point-scoring, such as their current wives, the mothers of both my Junior Counsel. The current Henry Mitchell married a fashion model so the current George Cooper had to marry a fashion model, and so it goes." "Now, as to a solution to this dilemma. It would appear that appeals to their sense of fair play and just plain good sense, don't seemed to have worked. What is required is some sort of inducement to get them to see that there is a solution that does not require either of them to give ground to the other, to concede that they are in some way not as good as the other, and that is to treat them equally harshly. What I propose is that both of these supposed adults, and I mean Mr Henry Mitchell and Mr George Cooper, be bound over to be of Good Behaviour for a period of five years, and that they be each required to lodge with this court the sum of one hundred thousand dollars as a surety against them breaching the terms of that bond. They should also be required to make restitution to the University for the damage that they have caused. I submit an accounting from the University of the amount that they would be seeking." He handed over the paper, it caused the Magistrate's eyebrows to rise. "I also submit, on behalf of my Junior Counsel a claim for pecuniary damages for the pain and suffering that they have had to endure over the past several years due to this ongoing feud, for the costs incurred by them in order to distance themselves from this feud, of the emotional cost to them of not being able to, because of their love for each other, participate in family activities. This claim is for a considerable amount, but they will, on their parents giving them their undertaking to end this feud, withdraw that claim. As they have explained to me; they love each other and it hurts them deeply that their family, who they also love deeply, are unable to join them in their love and contribute to their future emotional happiness." Bradford sat down. "How did you know so much about this feud?" Justin asked him. "You have no doubt seen the film or at least heard of it, 'Six Degrees of Separation'? It is only four degrees in my case. A couple of years ago I was researching my family history and I came upon my Great-great-great-grandmother's diaries. She was Lydia Armitage, we could almost have been related, at least one of us. She loved them both. She even contemplated a ménage a trios but realised, wisely I might add, that this would never have worked." "Order." The Magistrate banged his gavel. "Before I rule on this matter I would like the parties to have one final attempt to resolve their differences. I will adjourn this court for thirty minutes and at the end of that time I expect you to have a resolution for me. If you do not I will be merciless. This court is so adjourned." Thirty minutes had passed and the parties filed back into court. Gone was the stony silence between them, and the studied disregard for the other. The Mitchell counsel, on behalf of both sides, explained that they had decided that they should attempt to resolve their differences for the sake of everyone concerned, and that they were prepared to throw themselves on the mercy of the court, and would accept whatever punishment that the court saw fit to impose upon them. That evening, in the manicured and now joined back yards of numbers 32 and 34 Minton Lane, a different form of melee was taking place. Both barbeques were going flat out cooking up the steaks and sausages, the vegetable gardens had been raided to provide the salads for the occasion and both wine cellars were looking very depleted, but the biggest surprise of all was that not one unkind word had been spoken all evening, there was even a cricket match in progress with not one bodyline delivery in evidence. It was as if decades of animosity had never existed. The star of the show was Bradford, and when Henry and George discovered that he was Lydia's great whatever grandson, they pestered him for as much information as he could provide about where it all began. Bradford showed both diplomatic and acting skills in avoiding any part of the story that could have led to a flare up of the feud. Up to this point the tragic end to 'Romeo and Juliet', and to 'West Side Story' have been avoided and replaced by a happy one, and everyone hopes that it will stay that way.