28 comments/ 33792 views/ 32 favorites 32 - You're My Only Home By: 40DayDream We'll take a crack at story number two for me. I really can't explain why, but I just started writing again after a break of about ten years (so I'm still very rough). This one is a little more romance, a little less eroticism. Once again, it's a shorter story with pretty one-dimensional characters. Longer stories are in the works. If you're wondering about the title, this is the first entry in my new and audacious project. I'm planning to write a story inspired by each song from The Magnetic Fields' incredible '69 Love Songs' album. How much the stories match the songs will vary. This one's pretty detached since it was started before the project. The next one will truly be inspired by its song. As my boss likes to remind me on a regular basis, I tend to bite off more than I can chew. All rights reserved. Chapter 1 So you know when you're sitting in the airport and you see that one guy sprint by like he's trying to win a hundred meter race? You can't help but think to yourself, "What an idiot!" After all, if he could just plan his flights, then he wouldn't have the layover from hell. To be fair, it is also a nice little ego boost to have the feeling of superiority over that poor bastard. Well right at this moment that was me. No, not the person sitting there, I was the poor bastard. Five minutes before, I had been sitting in an airport bar at DFW, laughing at some other bozo streak by, as I waited out my two hour connection. I don't like drinking in airport bars, they're expensive and depressing, but I do plenty of things that I don't like for work so what's one more thing? I was feeling sorry for myself, to be honest. It was one of those rare contemplative moments when I take a hard look at my life. I've felt this before, but it sort of seemed like I had gone to sleep when I was fourteen and woken up that moment at the bar. Of course, I could remember everything that happened to me before, I just didn't understand how I had reached that point. I was twenty eight, with no friends, sitting in what seemed like my hundredth airport of the week having an eight dollar beer. The sequence of events that led me there didn't make sense. In fact, I thought, the only person I truly loved (like as in making sacrifices to see them smile, loved) was my nephew. Twenty months old, the little guy had his mother (my sister), his father and me wrapped around his little finger. And it was exhausting, if you have ever tried to hold on to a toddler's finger you know that they will run you around in circles until you see spots. How they have so much energy, I will never know. Anyway, I was contemplating my nephew, Ryan, and the fact that he was the only person that I truly loved. Both of my parents were gone and my sister and I had never really been close until she had Ryan. As for anyone else, I really didn't have any friends. I can't really explain why, I'm not chronically shy or anything. I just had some strange barrier there. After all, I was friendly with people, and they were friendly with me, but I never became friends with anyone. To the best of my knowledge, I don't have particularly bad body odor or make terrible puns (more than any normal guy does). It seemed that I just didn't make that extra connection with people, like I couldn't read the signs or something. It was at this point that I was pondering whether I should call my last true friend, Billy, who I had moved away from when I was fourteen, to see if he still wanted to be my friend (I know, this was not my high moment), when I got the call. My sister and brother had been in a car crash. They didn't make it. I needed to get back to home immediately. So that's how I found myself sprinting through the airport trying to make the next flight to Seattle. If I missed that one, I would have to wait until the next day sometime. Chapter 2 Once the adrenaline shock wore off, as we sat on the tarmac for two hours, I started to realize what had just happened. Everything had changed. You see, neither of them really had any family left, and so I was now the guardian of my twenty month old nephew. For a bachelor who didn't know how to change a diaper, and spent most of his time on a plane, things were about to change. There wasn't a moment of doubt for me on what I would do. After all, I loved my nephew more than I would have thought it was possible to love someone before my sister introduced me to the little guy. If that wasn't enough (and it was enough, by the way), I was sort of ready to quit traveling. I still enjoyed my job as a lean manufacturing consultant but I was starting get sick of the travel. At first it had been handy, in a sad way. When someone asked, directly or indirectly, why I didn't have any friends, I could just make it seem like I traveled so much that it was impossible. That was more comfortable than admitting that I had given up on relationships, both romantic and platonic, and had taken to spending my evenings at home playing video games. So where was I going to live? Probably at their house, but that meant I would need to sell my condo. Oh, and I would need to find a new job, one where I didn't travel. I would need a new car, and a car seat. And I had to figure out day care or nannies or au pairs or whatever the hell I was supposed to do. Damn! I would probably need to get rid of my porn. (Would you believe me if I said I wasn't really upset about that one? Ok, I was a little upset.) Pre-occupied with these thoughts, my head didn't stop spinning until I arrived in Seattle. I didn't care, but at that moment my baggage was somewhere between DFW and Miami. Chapter 3 The funeral and everything that went along with it was an ordeal like I had never experienced. By the end, it had been a couple of days since I had slept. I honestly can't say that I even remember it, barring the grief I experienced and the pain for Ryan. He wasn't sure what was going on yet, but he did seem to have the understanding that something terrible had happened. By the time that it was all over, we were both exhausted and cranky (at least I was). I managed to change him (although I couldn't remember when I learned that), feed him something that came in some sort of squeezy bag, and get him to bed. As for myself, I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. He woke me up four hours later. Welcome to parenthood. My salvation ended up being Hope from a few houses down. She had been a good friend of my sister's who had six (SIX!) kids of her own. Needless to say, she was so much of an expert that she could have taught me the basics with her eyes closed. I spent the first few days with Ryan, thinking he needed the attention for the time being. He was small kid for his age, with dark hair like me. Fortunately, we had bonded before this all happened so he had at least one adult he knew in his life. (I have never seen a kid who loved building with blocks so much, just like I had been as a kid.) Eventually, I started to spend a little of my time trying to find a job. A lean practitioner who can help establish operating systems, train a staff on topics like value stream mapping or 5S, and successfully lead continuous improvement projects will typically find a job pretty easily. I lost a few opportunities because I refused to travel, but I eventually found a spot in a major aerospace company. As the first six weeks passed (I had negotiated to delay my start for a little bit), I started to enjoy my new life. I spent a ton of time with Ryan, which though exhausting (how do mothers manage?) was still the best experience I could imagine. I actually started to become friendly with a few people, and was at risk to become friends even. They were all local moms who got together in the park. I was surprised at how nice they all were to me. I could have managed with fewer conversations covering the intricacies of breast feeding, or the merits of vaginal versus cesarean delivery, but I liked the company anyway. I made the decision that I would hire someone full-time to take care of Ryan. In the beginning, I had thought about daycare, but I decided that this would be better. He played sometimes with the other local kids, and I wasn't entirely sure how he would handle his parents' deaths. It turns out that it is extremely difficult to find a nanny you can trust with your kid, especially if you're the clingy type of parent I promised to be. My early experiences were not promising. The first candidate, I think it was Angela, turned out to be a convicted criminal. She apparently was banking on me not running a background check. Swing and a miss. The second girl, Jasmine, seemed like a winner. Ryan even seemed to like her. I found out why when I had to run back home for something the second time I left him with her. Ryan literally had his face buried in a carton of ice cream when I walked into the kitchen. So yeah... By nanny number three, Georgie, I was pretty hopeless. Luckily, she turned out to be really good with Ryan. The fourth night I hired her (the nannies were lasting longer!), I came in to find a very naked Georgie sitting on the couch waiting for me to return. Apparently she liked me and Ryan so much, she decided to join the family. And this was her plan to expedite it. Eight weeks before, the sexually frustrated me would have jumped on the offer. Now, the extremely sexually frustrated parent-version of me turned her down. And she looked good too, with firm breasts and really nice legs. Luckily, one of the moms recommended Annie to me after that. I called her immediately. Chapter 4 Annie agreed to meet us that day and she actually showed up an hour later. When she rang the doorbell, I really didn't know how to respond. While I'm only 5'10", I towered over Annie, who couldn't have been more than 5'1". She had short blonde hair and was wearing an oddly baggy sweatshirt and jeans. When I introduced myself to her, she seemed somewhat skittish. That was a concern to me, and I would have probably turned her down on the spot if hadn't been for the recommendation. Annie seemed very shy with me, but everything changed when she met Ryan. Within thirty seconds of meeting her, Ryan was smiling and playing with her. This girl was the goddamn kid whisperer. I hired her on the spot. The next few months passed quickly enough, I familiarized myself with my job and tried to fight the cabin fever I got when I sat in an office for more than a day at a time (I was used to travel). Ryan seemed to be acclimating to his new life as well as could be expected. He was definitely crazy about Annie. She continued to be a mystery to me. After a few visits, I realized that she was very pretty, with blond hair and big blue eyes. Even so, she wore that bulky sweatshirt to my house every day. I never saw here in any less than it and a pair of baggy jeans. Thankfully, she also seemed to be getting a little more comfortable with our arrangement so I learned a little about her. It turned out that she was nineteen, high school graduated but no college. I was currently her only job, but she was hoping to find more. We started to get a little friendly as we bonded over our shared obsession with my nephew. She never did seem to smile around me like she did with Ryan, but at my request, when I arrived from work she would stay for a bit while we discussed what had happened that day with Ryan and her. It took about three months before I began to notice her change. Chapter 5 The change was gradual, so it took me a while to catch on to it. Whereas she had been warming up to me a little before, she was now more withdrawn and jumpy. I even noticed that she seemed a little less happy with Ryan, although it wasn't a big difference. It finally came to a head one evening while we sat on the couch. It was eleven PM, I had worked very late, and we trying to catch up for a few minutes before she left. Annie wasn't being very talkative. Then she got the phone call. Even though she got up and took the phone call across the room, I could hear the screaming on the other end. After the five minute conversation was over (most of it screaming), she came back and collapsed in a little ball on the other end of the couch. For the next while, she didn't have anything to say but she also didn't seem to want to leave. Finally building the courage to ask her about it, I spoke to her. Taking a step like this was probably the thing that I had failed to do with friends in the past, so I didn't want to come up short again by being closed off with her. "Annie, you can do whatever you want, but if you need to, you can stay here tonight." She glanced at me with a look I couldn't read. It might have been happiness or despair, or something in between. She didn't respond at first, but I knew enough to keep my mouth shut. After a few minutes, she responded back to me in a whisper. "You sure?" "Why wouldn't I be? "Are you OK on the couch, or would you like to take my room? I could probably manage on the couch..." "No, Jay." (I think I forgot to tell you my name was Jay somehow. So... hi, I'm Jay.) "I couldn't do that. The couch is fine." "Sounds great." (Yawn.) "I am going to go to bed before I drool on my already stained couch. Sheets and blankets are in the linen closet. Stuff is in the bathroom if you..." I trailed off as I staggered towards my room. I went to sleep almost immediately (it had been a very long day). Sometime during the night, I felt someone crawl into bed and snuggle up against me. In my sleep state I reasoned that it had to be either my nephew Ryan or Richard Nixon, before I dozed back off. Chapter 6 When I woke up, I was holding someone in my arms. Now, this probably seems like the point where there is a bunch of screaming and yelling, but the truth of the matter is that I do not wake up quickly. By the time I was awake enough to realize that it was strange to have someone in bed with me, I had already decided that I liked it. Of course, it was Annie. I couldn't help but stare down at the girl in my arms. Her face was buried in my chest, as I lay on my side. One of my arms was around her waist, and had apparently worked it's way under her sweatshirt. I could feel warm, soft skin on my hand. The sweatshirt had lifted up a few inches and as I looked down on her, trying to decide how to wake her up peacefully, I realized that there was something different about the skin on her waist (I hadn't had a chance to see anything else). She seemed to have a large green and yellow tattoo there. Just as I was noticing this, Annie began to come awake. Opening her eyes with a start, she seemed to realize where she was, who I was, and what I was looking at in that order. Without a word, she scrambled out of the bed and ran into the bathroom. It looked like she was crying. (OK, a quick diversion. I have no idea how she went from waking to alert so fast. I always assumed that everyone was slow to wake up just like me. This is not the case. Apparently, in medieval times, I would have been that peasant who died because he didn't realize that Vikings had set fire to his hut until it was already collapsing on me. I guess I was lucky to be born in the Starbucks era. And back to the story...) For an hour, I patiently waited outside the bathroom. Finally, Annie emerged and without looking at me grabbed her things and headed for the door. I heard her mumble something quietly about appreciating the opportunity before she was leaving. I only just made it to the door in time, to grab her and ask her if she was alright. Based on the fear I had seen in her eyes the night before, I was concerned about her leaving to go back to that situation. "Annie, wait. Please, I'm worried about you, let me know what's the matter." I was pleading. "Jay, I have to go... I really... I really liked working for you." "You're quitting?" "Well..." Annie seemed totally uncertain what to say. "After what I did... and what you saw... I have to... I mean... I thought you would..." At this point, I gently pulled her around so that she was looking at me. "Annie, you're not fired if that's what you're concerned about." "But I climbed in your bed last night, and then you saw the tattoo. No one wants someone that looks like that around their kid... or around them." None of this was making any sense, although I hoped I could alleviate her worries. "Annie, you climbed into my bed last night and cuddled with me. That's hardly a fireable offence, especially when you were wearing eight layers of clothing at the time. And for the record, it felt nice to be cuddling when I woke up. Besides all that, I think you were really scared last night and just needed the comfort. "As for the tattoo, why should I care? That couldn't make less difference." She looked at me like she wanted to, but couldn't, believe me. "Are you really that concerned about the tattoo?" She nodded. "Do you trust me?" A long pause, then another nod, this time with tears. I continued, "Then show it to me. I will tell you if I want to fire you over it, but I generally like tattoos and you are the best thing to happen to Ryan, or me, since his parents died. So it's not likely to be the case. Ok?" Annie looked at me, and then at the floor, and then at me again. I could tell this was a struggle for her. Finally she relented. "Ok." I think the relief was audible in my voice. "Ok, I'm going to sit on the couch and try to finish waking up. You show me the tattoo whenever you want." Without looking at her (I thought it might scare her off), I slowly made my way over to the couch and plopped down. Chapter 7 I honestly can't say if I was expecting something terrible or not. Either way, Annie made me wait fifteen minutes to experience it. Eventually, she silently came into my view in front of me. I was rendered speechless. She had pulled her blond hair into a very short ponytail and changed. Now she was standing in front of me in panties and a tank top that showed a few inches of her stomach. (Remember that all I had seen her in before was jeans and a sweatshirt that was designed for that fat guy who always ends up sitting next to me on the plane.) I should have been focusing on the tattoos, to reassure her, but I confess that it took me a while to take in just how beautiful she was. Annie was short, but slender, with a swell to her hips (and it appeared a nice round butt). She appeared to be light on top. (How do I put that delicately? The use of bras was more discretionary for her than for some other women... How's that?) Her skin, where it wasn't tattooed, appeared to be very pale. I honestly considered her to be extremely attractive. As quickly as I could, I switched my attention to the tattoos (since that was what I was supposed to be looking at). Her torso, arms and legs appeared to be mostly covered from what I could see. Both arms were covered in a pattern that combined red and gold flowers with ivy. The designs went around the back of her shoulders (I asked her to turn around as soon as I could do so gently) and down the back of her top. I guessed that they probably connected to a tree, the gold-green design of which I had seen at her waist. There also appeared to be a few birds flying out of the tree. Across her upper chest there was a colorful design of a stylized bird with the outstretched wings reaching over her breasts. Her right leg had a large angel on the front of thigh; the left had small text that ran all the way down the leg from lower thigh to ankle. I found the whole effect to be breathtaking. The colors were beautiful on her and the artwork seemed to be excellent. After a few minutes of forgetting to breathe, I realized that Anna was looking at me with apprehension. I needed to break the tension. 32 - You're My Only Home "You're gorgeous, Annie. I love the tattoos. Where did you get them done?" She breathed a sigh of relief. "Really? My... my dad hates them." I heard her voice change when she said that. It frightened me. "Well, I think you're beautiful and you have excellent taste. Thank you for showing me!" At this point, I thought the topic had been successfully resolved and I could only do damage from there on out so I headed to the kitchen to make breakfast. About twenty minutes later, Annie wandered in and sat down just watching me cook. She was still wearing the same tank and panties, and had not gone back to her huge sweatshirt. I considered it an improvement. Chapter 8 After a while, Ryan woke up. Without thinking about it, Annie went to get him before she looked down at her body. She seemed to be struggling with whether she was allowed to let him see her tattoos. I wanted to resolve that immediately. "Annie, go pick him up. It won't hurt to let him see your art." That finally earned me a smile. In a few minutes, she came back in holding Ryan, who was giggling at something she had done. He appeared to be fascinated by her tattoos and was tracing one on her shoulder. The image of the two of them together, so happy, actually made my heart hurt. I knew it was melodramatic, but the living picture of the two of them seemed like the only thing I wanted from life, now more than anything. We started breakfast. I had something to discuss but I wanted to wait until the right moment. Finally we were both in the kitchen; far enough away from Ryan that I thought we could talk (he always seemed to know what we were talking about). Approaching her, I put my hand gently on Annie's and told her in a low voice that she was welcome to stay with us as long as she wanted. This time the tears were accompanied by a smile. Knowing that it had been a tough couple of days for all of us, we spent Saturday playing around the house. During Ryan's naps, I wanted to talk to Annie but I sensed that she wasn't ready. That night, I went to bed as early as I could to try to take advantage of the weekend to recover some sleep. A few minutes later, Annie slipped under the covers with me. She asked me if I minded, in a hesitant whisper, but I simply responded by pulling her towards me so that we could spoon. I fell asleep with my arms around her. I wasn't a virgin, of course, but I honestly did lack a lot of relationship experience. (To be frank, my sexual experience was also quite limited.) In fact, I had never actually slept in the same bed with a woman. I don't know if it was that the shape and size of Annie against me was perfect or that I could smell cinnamon and sweat on her skin, but I loved it. We both slept peacefully that night. In the morning, I woke up with her in my arms, but facing me with her head on the pillow. Annie's blue eyes were staring at me intently. To be honest, it was a disconcerting way to wake up for for someone like me, although I thought that I could get used to it (if given the chance). "My father abuses me." Her voice was fairly flat, although it was obvious that there was emotion waiting to come out. It was not how I had expected to wake up (people usually start with 'good morning'), but it also felt great for Annie to open up to me. As I always reminded my sister when she was dating (I do miss her), ALWAYS assume guys are total idiots. In this case, that saying was as true as it ever is. I had no idea what to do and I was sure that if I said anything it would just be the wrong thing. I settled for kissing me on the forehead. Apparently that was an adequate answer, since she began to discuss a little further. "He beats me. He has for a long time. "I got the tattoos because he always talked about how much he hated tattoos when he watched porn. I hoped they would keep him from raping me, although he always hit me worse after I got one." "When he watched porn?" It slipped out. I was confused, was all. "He made me watch it with him." That was a whisper. "Was it wrong of me to watch with him?" Now this was a conversation that I had definitely not been prepared for. In the end, I just settled for hugging her to me while I reasoned out what to tell her and she cried a little. I still had no idea what to say, but I thought it was time to say something. "Of course there is nothing wrong with that. He was making you do it. "I'm ashamed that I used to own porn, before I had Ryan. I hate that I am like your dad in that." Her reaction to that confession was both sudden and strong. Using her arms, she pushed away and glared up at me. This did not seem like it was going to end well. "You are nothing like my father. I don't ever want you to put yourself down like that, OK?" Then she snuggled back up against me. I had survived the round, if barely. This became somewhat of a routine. While I desired her, I did not want to initiate it at that time when she was still hurting. Every day she would seem a little reticent to share and every night she would crawl into bed with me, to fall asleep while we cuddled. In the morning, I would wake up to find her staring at me (I thought I was sort of getting used to it). We started every day with one of our discussions where she opened up to me. Annie told me later that waking up in my arms was the safest and most comfortable feeling she knew and so it was the only time she felt able to speak about her past. Chapter 9 I would like to say that was the end of it and that she was healed; that my love had healed her and restored her self-esteem. Adversity rarely gives in that easily. He's like the hero in one of those underdog movies. You keep knocking him down and the sumbitch keeps getting up. All of that is a lengthy way of saying that things did not suddenly become perfect. And it was my fault. I don't have any excuses for this, I had my orphaned nephew and an abused girl relying on me, but I started reverting to my old self. You see, before all of this happened I was pretty successful. I got that way by having ambition. It turns out that I hadn't quite lost all of it in the transition. The first few months with Ryan, he was my only priority. My work existed as a means to pay the bills. When Annie finally opened up, she became a priority too. Now that I thought that Annie was getting better and Ryan now had someone other than me taking care of him in a reliable fashion, I was freed up a little. So I indulged in my work ambition a little. Then a little more. Before I knew it, I was working twelve hour days again. Annie and I stop talking in the morning and I rarely played with Ryan. I even stooped to the point that I spent a couple of weekends in a row at work dealing with some 'crisis'. From a work perspective, maybe it even was a crisis but here's a bit of wisdom I had yet to learn: 'Fuck work. Family comes first.' So anyway, I drifted off into my little work world. I don't know that I even enjoyed it. It was just what I was supposed to do, in my mind. I didn't totally neglect the two of them, I did do a full security work-up on the house (including a lot of new locks for the front door) so that Annie would be less afraid of her father showing up. I did a few other things for them, but essentially I wasn't there, even when I was there. Thank goodness, I was fortunate enough to get a wakeup call. Hope gave me that call one Friday afternoon. (Who's Hope? She's the neighbor from earlier. Why hasn't she played more of a role? She has six frickin' kids. She's busy.) She told me that she was concerned. Annie was supposed to meet them at the park after lunch, when she didn't show, Hope tried to call. She hadn't been able to get her on the phone and ringing the doorbell didn't help either. I think that I dropped my phone when Hope told me that and I was in my car before it hit the floor. I was that worried. When I arrived at the house, I found the two of them safe in the living room. Annie was sitting on the couch, in her sweatshirt again, curled in a ball. I'm pretty sure she was dealing with some kind of panic attack. Ryan was on the floor, bawling. Eventually I was able to make some progress. Ryan was calmed down eventually and I put him down for a nap. I held Annie until she snapped back and would talk to me. Then I put her to bed too. After that, I called Hope and had a long heart to heart. As should be obvious to you, I had no idea what the hell I was doing. We woke up the next morning with a fresh start. I was holding Annie while she slept, staring at her. (She's pretty so it's easy to stare at, but I also wanted her to find out what it's like to wake up with someone staring at you like a crazy person.) We didn't really talk, but we spent some time cuddling, which we both needed. After that, I called my boss to tell him that I would be going on a leave of absence for at least a month. He could approve it or not, his choice. I spent the day playing with Ryan and doing some research. That night, things were a little back to normal. Annie was talking to me again, but she was also in one of those awful sweatshirts. (You win some, you lose some.) Ryan and I had gotten a chance to spend more time together than we had in a while. The next morning when we woke up (she was staring at me again), I was the one to speak up. I told her that I had found a counselor that could really help her. When she protested that she was scared to go alone (I'm not sure whether it was the counselor or her dad finding her while she was out alone that scared Annie), I told her that Ryan and I would come with her. That ended the opposition, so she began to tell me about the fear that she had started to go through in the time while I was mentally absent. A fear had grown, while I was absent, that her father would find her and hurt both her and Ryan. It had been intensified in the cases where I worked so late that she fell asleep before I got home. She was also feeling unattractive. She thought that maybe I was spending so much time at work to be away from her. She wouldn't tell me until later that she was starting to wonder why I hadn't made a move on her yet, which caused her more self-image issues. I couldn't believe how brave she was to talk about all of that to me. After we were done crying (her some and me a lot more), we got up to make breakfast and meet the day. The next few weeks included a lot of counseling sessions for her. Ryan and I would spend the time in the waiting room playing one of our special games that only the two of us understood. He would push a car on the rug. If it went under a chair, I had to chase him as he ran in circles around the room. If it hit the chair, he would chase me, trying to tickle me. If it didn't do either, we both had to hop. I am pretty sure the receptionist hated me. (The game wasn't that loud...) Before long, I quit eating the candy on the check-in desk because I was pretty sure she was going to use it to poison me. Annie would come out of every session teary, but seeming a little less timid. Changes to her attitude could also be seen. She would spend more time laughing with Ryan. I earned more smiles, which was too bad. I was falling for the girl and I didn't need her radioactive (as in A-bomb) smile making it worse. Chapter 10 One of the aspects of Annie's transformation that I was slow to see was her increased boldness. I was sort of used to postponing our serious chats until first thing in the morning. In this case, she blindsided me while we were sitting at dinner. Her voice was flat. "Why don't you find me attractive?" That's when the beer went down the wrong pipe. I apparently earned myself a few seconds to think while I coughed up a lung. Look, I love bluntness; it's a great trait except that sometimes it's so damn... blunt. (OK, the question was unexpected and it did render me speechless.) When I recovered, I tried to figure out the best line to walk. She apparently didn't find it comforting that I sat and stuttered endlessly. (Women should know by now that when a man is unable to speak around them it could be a good sign about how the guy sees them.) I took a deep breath. That led to more coughing. (At this point, you probably have to be wondering why I had never had a relationship before, right?) Finally, I was recovered to the point that I was able to give her my eloquent love speech. "Annie, you are attractive." Silence. Finally, I just gave up and decided a little bluntness on my end was probably the only way out. "Look, Annie, you are outrageously attractive. I find myself thinking about you all the time and you have no idea what kind of sweet torture it has been sharing a bed with you. But I don't think I can do anything about it. I'm your employer, your friend and I'm a lot older than you. Not to mention, you're now a dependant and you're a recent abuse victim. I thought I would cause a lot of damage by telling you how I felt." She looked sort of skeptical. I was at a loss for what to do until I had one of my brilliant ideas. I told her to stay there for ten minutes, that I would come back. When I came back into the room, I gave her a piece of paper. On it was the Suicide Girls website, a login, and a password. She gave me a very confused look. "OK, so this is probably a terrible idea, but... that's a website with a lot of beautiful women who are 'alt'. Some have more tattoos than you, some have less, but they are all gorgeous. And... umm... you're actually cuter than all of them." I gave a sigh and slumped in the chair. At least it was done. In Russian roulette, when you pull the trigger, you going to get peace one way or another. She walked into the other room where the computer was. I tried to help a girl's self-esteem by buying her porn. As I said before, ALWAYS assume that all men are total idiots. Chapter 11 She called me into the room an hour later. Annie was sitting at the computer desk, with tears streaming down her face. It felt like someone had given me a cheap shot right in the stomach, watching her cry because of me. Annie waved me over to her. When I arrived, she scooted over onto an edge of the chair and pulled me down to sit beside her. There were pictures of a few girls open in different tabs. She flipped between them quickly and then looked up at me. I winced again at the sight of those tears. She had settled on a picture of one that looked a little like her. "Is that how you see me? That girl is so..." (Cringing.) "gorgeous." I just stared at her. This whole thing was way too intense for a slow witted guy like me. Finally I recovered enough to speak. "Annie, you look prettier than her first thing in the morning when you wake up. More importantly, you attract me on about twelve more levels than she does. Watching you play with my son," (First time I called him that.) "is breathtaking. I didn't tell you how I felt because I thought that I would rather have you here like we are now, than risk losing you for sex. "Not that I didn't think about the sex a lot..." I had the wind knocked out of me when I hit the ground, with her on top. Annie kissing me so fiercely didn't help me recover, either. On the other hand, this was a type of torture I thought I could get used to. (However, I might need some lessons from those free-divers that hunter for pearls without oxygen tanks. Always be prepared.) She pulled off her sweatshirt. (I would have to burn that thing.) Then she grabbed the bottom of her tank top like she was planning to remove that as well. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I actually grabbed her hands to keep her from doing it. "I can't, tonight. We'll pick this up tomorrow. OK?" She had the beginnings of that look on her face again. I needed to try to make more words. "Look, I would kill to make love to you now. I think the mountain range that you're sitting on will attest to that, but I need to do one thing first." I kissed her one more time and then I got up. "I've got to run an errand; I will be back a little late." When she didn't object, I made as dignified an exit as you can when the front of your pants precedes you through the doorway. (I had an erection, for anyone slow on the uptake.) Chapter 12 I was slow waking up. It had been late when I got back. My eyes slowly opened as I fought a yawn. And then those eyes! Annie was staring at me. (OK, I was not getting any more used to waking up like that. It still scared the crap out of me every time.) I recovered enough to give her a smile and a quick squeeze. Words would come in a few minutes, I'm sure. She continued to look at me. Even if I had been capable of speaking that soon after waking, I would have waited for her. She always started to conversation. "So about last night..." That was all I needed to hear. I interrupted her. "About that, I just needed to do something first and I wanted to do it first thing." I reached under the pillow and pulled out a small box. "Annie, will you marry me?" I had finally managed to stun her into silence. It felt good. Of course, it only lasted about three seconds before she recovered herself and launched herself at me. I took the kiss as a yes. After that, we removed the sheets and clothes as quickly as we could. Once we were naked, we stopped for long enough to get the ring out of the box and onto her finger. It wasn't a particularly large one. The counseling and the leave of absence were worth it, but they weren't cheap. She didn't seem to even notice. Sitting on my lap with the ring on her finger, Annie seemed to be enthralled by it. I took the opportunity to give her rather exceptional body a look over. When I reached her waist I was astonished by what I saw. It's nearly impossible to describe, so you'll probably get the wrong picture, but I'll give it the old college try. She had a large tattoo that covered the front of her left hip. On top it had the words 'My Love' in script. Below it was this sort of picture of me. OK, that doesn't really explain it. The tattoo was a stylized image of my face in black and white like one of those 18th century miniature portraits, including the picture frame. (No long white wig, thank god!) It was actually a fairly flattering picture of me. You had to be there. I think my silence broke Annie from her reverie long enough to notice where I was staring. She looked at my shyly. "You like it?" "I love it. It makes me self-conscious, but I love it. When did you get it?" I was considering the possibility that she may have snuck out last night to get it while I ring shopped. In retrospect, that was a really dumb idea, but you have to remember that I was in love, very erect, and about to consummate my engagement. My brain wasn't operating at 100%. "No. I got it just after you asked me to stay. I knew then that I loved you." She killed any response by kissing me and reaching under her to grab little Jay. As for what happened next, a gentleman never tells. But yeah, we totally did it. Three times. * Epilogue So, we still have things to work out. Annie's not 'good as new', she still has a lot of healing to do. I still have to learn how to not act like a douchebag who's been single his whole life. But looking at my fiancée, back in the tank top and panties, holding my son as I made breakfast, I really couldn't ask for more. I hope you enjoyed it. As always, constructive comments are appreciated. Someday I will conquer commas but for now they are my dread nemesis. Be kind, please rewind.