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Reconcilation

By: Enamored



Tom was just about at his wit's end. Ever since Ann had had her miscarriage, she had been distant, almost cold. Tom had tried everything he could think of to get her out of her funk. He had tried to be as understanding as possible, but Ann just didn't seem to respond. Tom had tried to get her to go to a counselor, but Ann had flatly refused, telling him that there was nothing wrong with her, and to leave her alone.

Tom was a partner in a private investigative firm, his specialty being in computer and network security. For that type of work, he really didn't need a private investigator's license, but he had gone ahead and gotten one, just so he could help Stan, his partner, with the other side of the business. So when Ann had her miscarriage, he was able to get a considerable amount of time off to stay home with her, and just be there for her. After two weeks, however, he went back to work, the same time Ann did.

Ann would get up in the morning, leave for work, and when she came home she didn't want to talk any more than was absolutely necessary. Often she would spend virtually the entire evening sitting in her chair, staring off into space.

The last time Tom had suggested that they go to a marriage counselor, a couple of weeks earlier, Ann had shown the first real emotion she had displayed in weeks, if not months. Unfortunately it had been anger, and they had wound up in one of the few real fights they had ever had. Tom had tried to explain that he felt there was something going badly wrong with their marriage, and Ann had told him that she just needed some time to get things straightened out, and that he should just leave her the hell alone. 

Sex was virtually non-existent. Ann would submit periodically, but there was no passion, or really much in the way of response. At times Tom felt that he would get as much response out of a blow up doll. Ann had never been particularly responsive sexually, and in fact had seemed to treat sex as more of a duty than anything else. However recently, her lack of involvement had dropped to a completely new low.

Then last week, Tom had been given four tickets to the charity ball at the local country club by one of his clients, and thought he had something that would at least give him a chance to get her out of the house to do something other than go to work, and mope around the house.

Tom brought up the subject, telling Ann that they could give the other two tickets to her sister and her husband and all go together. Ann was initially responsive, but on Wednesday she had announced that she wasn't going, she just didn't feel like it. Tom got mad, and another fight started, with Ann finally storming off into the bedroom, locking the door behind her.

Thursday, Tom was still irritated about the whole mess, so when an out of town client called about a security breach on their network, instead of sending one of the people that worked for him, he just decided to go himself. He called Ann, told her that he had to go out of town, and that he probably wouldn't be back until Monday, although he would try to get back sooner.

By Saturday night, he had identified and plugged all the security holes, and run his final checks. He called the airline, and found that he could get a flight home very early Sunday morning. Tom called Ann, first at home, then on her cell phone, leaving messages both times that he would be back about 7:00am, and home about 8:00. Tom thought it was quite strange that Ann hadn't answered at least one of the phones, but felt that there just wasn't much he could do about it until he got home.

Tom arrived just as he planned, but when he got home he found that Ann's car wasn't in the garage. He went into the house, and saw that the answering machine still had his message on it, and that it hadn't been picked up.

Getting a little worried, he called Ann's sister, apologizing for calling so early, and asked if she knew where Ann was.

"We were finally able to get Ann to go to the ball last night, and she had a bit too much to drink, so she is sleeping in our guest room. Do you want me to wake her up?"

"No, I'll see her when she gets home. Did you all have a good time?"

"Yep, it was great getting out like that. Bob and I really enjoyed it, and Ann was actually dancing."

Tom thought Pat sounded a little strange, but didn't pay a lot of attention to it, and after a few more pleasantries, he hung up, got the morning paper, and settled down to read the paper and drink his coffee.

After reading the news and sports, Ann still wasn't home, so Tom was idly paging through the paper, when he saw the coverage of the charity ball on the society page. He just glanced through the story, when he noticed that there was a picture of Ann dancing with some man. She had her body molded to his, and when he looked at the other pictures there were two more pictures of her dancing with the same man. He could clearly see that the man had his hand well down on Ann's back, actually really more on her buttocks, pressing her against him.

Tom was more than a little angry. First she had refused to go to the ball with him, then she let some jerk paw her. Finally, by the time Ann got home at nearly noon, he was calmed down, and had convinced himself that it was really pretty innocent. After all Ann certainly wouldn't have been doing anything out of line with Pat and Bob there.

When Ann finally arrived, she came in pretty bouncy, and told him all about the ball, and how much she had enjoyed getting out of the house. She thanked him for getting the tickets, kissed him, then invited him into the bedroom for what turned out to be some pretty good sex, well maybe that was an overstatement, but it was certainly better than it had been for the last few months.

By evening, however, she was back to her moodiness, and over the next month or so, she was still going off into her own little world, rarely talking about anything that didn't need to be discussed.

Tom did notice however, that while Ann had always been quite a nice dresser, she seemed to be back to paying more attention to her appearance, which he took as a positive sign. She hadn't become a slob by any stretch of the imagination since her miscarriage, but she had not been paying as much attention to her looks as she had previously. Now she seemed to be coming back to the Ann that had attracted him in the beginning.

Early one Friday morning, Tom's partner, Stan, called, and told him that Steve's wife had just delivered a baby, and so of course Steve would not be able to do the surveillance that he had been scheduled for. Stan asked if Tom would do the morning shift until Stan could get another man out there. Tom agreed, went by the office to get the paperwork he would need, and to pick up the surveillance SUV.

Tom's relief showed up a little early, and as Tom was heading back to the office, he realized that he was going right by Ann's office. He pulled into the parking lot, picked up his cell phone and called, thinking that he might take Ann out to lunch. Tom's call was answered by Ann's secretary, and when Tom asked for Ann, Susan told him that he had just missed her, that she had left maybe five minutes earlier, and had told her she would probably be gone all afternoon.

"Oh, I wasn't aware that she had anything going this afternoon."

"Let me look and see where she went. Huh, that's odd, normally I would have her meeting listed on my calendar, but there isn't anything there."

"Don't worry about it, it isn't anything urgent. I'll see her tonight."

Tom was just getting ready to start his car again, when he saw Ann come out of the office building, and get into a little Mercedes coupe. Tom now was a bit curious about where Ann would be going to a meeting in someone else's car, so he let the coupe get out of the parking lot, then turned out and followed them, not really sure why he was doing it, it was just a hunch he had.

He wound up just behind them, which wasn't very good technique on his part, but he could see Ann and what appeared to be a man quite clearly through the rear window. When they stopped at a light, he could also see Ann lean over and kiss the man. 

Tom's initial reaction was to simply ram the coupe with his car, but reason prevailed, and instead he simply turned on the video camera that was mounted on the dashboard of the SUV. Then he picked up his phone and called in to the office asking for a license check on the Mercedes. Within five minutes he had a call back, telling him that it was registered to a Russell Anderson, at 1521 Alta Vista Way.

Tom followed them for another ten or fifteen minutes, grinding his teeth every time they hit a stoplight, because Ann and Russell would spend the entire light cycle kissing and hugging. By this time Tom was so angry that he could hardly function. Here he had been worried sick about Ann for months, and now she was showing more emotion and love with this asshole than she had showed him since her miscarriage. He didn't know whether he was madder at Ann or at the asshole in the car with her.

Just before they got to the Hyatt, Russell changed lanes just before the stoplight and Tom couldn't change lanes with him, so he wound up alongside the coupe, looking down into the car. He couldn't see Russell, but he could see that his hand was on his wife's thigh, stroking it, and sliding up under her skirt.

Russell turned left into the Hyatt, and Tom was forced to continue down a block and make a u-turn to get back to the Hyatt. He pulled into the parking lot just in time to see Ann and Russell disappearing arm in arm into the hotel. Tom parked, got out of the car, and walked toward the entrance. As he entered he could see Ann and Russell leaving the check-in counter, and walking toward the restaurant. Tom waited until they had disappeared into the restaurant, then went up to the check-in counter, and asked if Russell Anderson had checked in.

"You just missed him sir. He and Mrs. Anderson have checked in, but the room isn't ready, so they are having lunch. Would you like me to have him paged?"

"No, that won't be necessary. I would like a copy of that registration though."

"Sir, I can't do that, it is strictly against our policy."

Tom reached into his pocket, and pulled out his identification, with his fancy private investigator's badge. He knew that ninety percent of the time, people would just assume he was some sort of cop, and give him what he wanted.

He flashed the badge, and told the clerk that he could simply give him a copy, or he could come back with a court order and get it anyway. The clerk apologized, quickly ran a copy of it off, and handed it to him.

Tom folded it up and put it in his pocket, then walked over to the restaurant entrance. He could see Ann seated at a table with her back to him, and Russell sitting beside her, holding her hand.

Tom had thought that Russell looked familiar when he and Ann had walked into the hotel, but he couldn't place him. Now the pieces fell into place. He was the same man that had been dancing with Ann at the charity ball.

As Tom walked across the restaurant, he could see Ann lean over and kiss Russell, her hand going behind his neck as she did. Tom walked up behind Ann, putting his hand on her shoulder. Ann spun around, and he could see that she didn't have a bra on, and that her blouse was unbuttoned enough to show a good part of her cleavage.

"Oh my God, Tom!"

Russell started to stand up; asking what the hell was going on.

"Russell, if you want to keep those pretty white teeth, just sit the fuck down and shut up."

"Don't come home Ann. You don't live there any more. I'll drop your things off at your sister's place."

Tom turned and walked away, seething. As he was driving past the entrance to the hotel, he saw Ann come running out the door, frantically looking around.

Tom hadn't gotten more that a couple of blocks before his cell phone rang.

"Tom. It isn't what you think." Ann started.

"I know exactly what I saw, and I am not in the least interested in talking to you any more."

Tom hung up and although the phone kept ringing, he didn't answer it, finally turning it off so he didn't have to listen to the damn thing ring constantly.

Tom drove to his bank, immediately canceling all the joint credit cards, and starting a new credit card account in his name only. He also opened a new checking account in his name only, and took exactly half of what was in the checking and saving accounts and putting it all into the new account.

Tom didn't even bother to go back to the office; he just called Stan and told him he wouldn't be in for the rest of the day. He stopped off at a U-Haul rental agency and bought several broken down boxes, then drove home and started packing Ann's stuff – if it could be called packing. Tom would just put a box together, dump a drawer of her things into it until it was full, then start on the next box.

By six, everything was stuffed into boxes, and loaded into the SUV, the locksmith Tom had called had replaced all the locks, and Tom had changed the access codes for the alarm system.

Tom arrived at Pat and Bob's house to find Ann's car parked out in front, just in front of her Aunt Maggie's car. Tom backed the SUV into the driveway, and just as he was reaching for the doorbell, the door opened and Bob stepped out.

"Hi Tom, what the hell is going on? Ann is with Pat and Maggie, almost hysterical – something about how you have thrown her out of the house."

"Yep. Sure did. I've got all her crap here in the car. If you will open the garage, we can get this all in there and I will be on my way."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Just help me unload this stuff."

They worked in silence, and just as Tom was getting ready to climb back in the SUV, Maggie came to the door.

"Tom, can I see you for a minute."

Tom closed the door again, and waited for Maggie to walk over.

"Tom, Ann is telling me that you have thrown her out of the house, and that it is all a misunderstanding."

"No misunderstanding. We are done. I'm going to see an attorney first thing Monday, or at least as soon as I can get an appointment."

"Can you at least come in and talk with us for a few minutes?"

Tom sighed, and felt that he might as well do it and get it over.

"Maggie, you are one of my very favorite people, and I know you have been essentially a mother for Ann since her parents were killed, but in this case I don't think it is going to do any good. As a favor to you, I will come in, but I guarantee you it won't be pretty."

Tom followed Maggie and Bob into the house to find Pat and Ann sitting in the living room, Ann's face streaked with tears.

"Tom. You have to understand, it isn't what you think it is."

"Well you just tell me what you think it is."

"Russell is a client; I was just having lunch with him."

"Oh, so you weren't there for a little friendly hugs and kisses? Like the kiss I saw you give him as I walked up in the restaurant? How about all the hugs and kisses I saw you giving him in the car on the way to the Hyatt? Would you like to review the videotape in the car that captured the whole thing? What about the way he had his hand up your skirt just before you turned into the Hyatt? Was all that just friendly client relations? Oh, and by the way, do you take your bra off for all your clients?"

"You followed me?" Ann gasped.

"By accident. I was coming by to see if you wanted to go to lunch, but Susan told me I had just missed you, and when I asked where you went, she didn't know. She had nothing on her schedule like she tells me she normally does."

"Oh, and let's not forget the registration at the Hyatt. Mr. and Mrs. Russell Anderson, at least that is what the clerk called you."

"Okay Maggie, I've given you your five minutes."

Tom turned and walked out as Ann burst into tears.

Tom spent the weekend moping around the house, trying to come to grips with the idea that his marriage was essentially over. Over and over he went through everything since they were married, trying to figure out what he could have done differently, and not coming up with a single answer. The phone rang nearly every thirty minutes, starting early Saturday morning, and continuing into the evening. Finally he answered, and Ann voice came through.

"Tom, please, we need to talk. Please Tom, I'm begging you."

"Ann, we don't have a damn thing to say to each other."

With that Tom hung up the phone and ignored the continued calls, which finally stopped about midnight, only to resume Sunday morning. Tom would simply look at the caller ID, and if it was Ann's cell phone, or Pat's phone, he just ignored them.

Sunday night, he finally got a different call, this one from Maggie.

"Hello Tom, do you have a couple of minutes?"

"Sure, what's up, as if I couldn't guess?"

"Well, Pat is madder than hell at Ann, and apparently it got so bad that Ann asked me if she could stay here for awhile. But that is not why I am calling. I wanted to ask if you would consider going to marriage counseling with Ann."

"Why bother? She has flat ruined our marriage; she has lied to me; she has been screwing around on me; hell, she wouldn't even talk to me half the time before I caught her, so I really don't see any point in it at all."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few moments.

"Tom, you once told me that if there was ever anything you could do for me that you would do whatever it took to make it happen. I'm calling in the favor now, and asking you to go to marriage counseling with Ann."

Tom was, in turn, silent for a few minutes, remembering that he had always been so proud that his word was his bond.

"All right Maggie, I'll do as you ask, but that wasn't what I meant and you know it."

"I know, but you two really were meant for each other, and this is the only way I can see to get you two back together. I know you don't want to talk to Ann, so when we get an appointment set up, I'll call you and let you know when and where it is."

With that, Maggie hung up, and Tom went back to his drink, and the book he had been trying to read all day, without much luck. He would read a few pages, then have to go back and read them again, because he had forgotten what had been said.

The following Thursday, a little after 5:00pm, Tom arrived at the office of Joyce Ayers PhD, marriage counselor and psychologist. Ann had already arrived, and as soon as he checked in with the receptionist, they were ushered into Dr. Ayers' office. Ann had tried to talk to Tom when he came in, but he just looked at her, then ignored her.

After the introductions were made, Dr. Ayers asked; "Why are you coming to see me?"

Ann spoke first. "I did something incredibly stupid, but not what my husband thinks it was, and I want to put our marriage back together, and move on with our lives."

"Are you living together now?"

"No. Tom has essentially locked me out of the house. I am staying with my aunt at the moment."

"Actually, after I caught her with another man, I told her not to come home, and delivered her things to her sister's place."

"Please Tom; you'll get your turn to speak, let me finish with Ann first."

"Were you with another man?"

"Yes, but it wasn't what Tom thinks it was."

"Well, we can explore this a bit more later on. Tom why are you here?"

"Ann's aunt called in a favor, so I agreed to come."

"Have you filed for divorce yet?"

"No, I haven't had time to get to an attorney, my appointment is not until next week."

"Good. I'm going to ask you to hold off on filing the divorce papers. I've found that marriage counseling is much harder with a pending divorce action. It really is up to you, but my preference would be for you to hold off until you know whether you can reconcile or not."


Reconcilation



"I can do that, at least for a time, as long as Ann doesn't start doing something crazy."

"Okay, now Tom I would like you to tell me what led you to believe that Ann was having an affair."

Tom explained how Ann had been cold and distant since her miscarriage, and how she had refused to go to any kind of counseling. He then talked about the charity ball, and how he had tried to get her to go with him, and when she refused, he had gone on an out of town business trip so his employee wouldn't have to work over the weekend. How he had seen pictures of her in the paper, dancing with a man he later found out was Russell Anderson. Then he went into the story of how he had gone by her office to ask her to go to lunch with him, and saw her getting into a car with Russell. When he followed them, he saw them hugging and kissing in the car, and when he got caught by surprise with Russell's lane change, he could see that Russell had his hand up under Ann's skirt. Then finally when he followed them into the Hyatt, and found Russell checking in for a room for Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. Last but not least he related how he saw Ann kiss Russell in the restaurant, then when he walked up to them, finding her without a bra.

As Tom related this, he could feel the anger building up all over again, and by the time he ground out the last few words, both of his hands were clenched in tight fists.

As Ann listened to all this, tears ran down her checks, and she sobbed several times.

"Ann, is what Tom just related correct as far as you know?"

"No! Well, yes, but it wasn't what he thinks it was. I have never had intercourse with Russell, or with anyone else except Tom. Never! I have never slept with anyone but Tom since we got married."

Joyce shuffled a few papers for a minute, and examined her calendar.

"I see. Here is what we are going to do. I will see you both on Thursday evenings at 6:00pm, if that works for both of you. Tom, I would like to see you alone on Monday evenings at 6:00pm, and Ann I would like to see you on Tuesday evenings at 6:00pm. Does that work for both of you?"

There was general agreement, and as they left, Ann looked at Tom and said: "I'm so sorry Tom, please, let me talk to you for a few minutes."

"Ann, I am still so angry with you, that I might wind up doing something we would both regret. We'll do all our talking with Dr. Ayers."

With that Tom flung open the door, and walked out without a backward glance, leaving the door open behind him.

Six weeks later, Dr. Ayers was beginning to despair of ever putting Ann and Tom's marriage back together. Ann continued to insist that it wasn't what it seemed, and Tom seemed to be getting angrier every week, primarily because Ann simply couldn't or wouldn't talk about whatever it was that had actually happened.

She felt that Tom's anger was also related to his almost total lack of trust in Ann, as well as his need to know what actually had happened. She didn't think that Tom really wanted to know, but that in some perverse way he needed to know.

Ann had started seeing a psychiatrist associated with Joyce's practice, and he had her on anti-depressants, which were helping her obvious depression, but with the marriage falling apart, the medications were just keeping Ann together, and not really addressing the real issues.

Finally, on Tuesday night, at the end of the session, she decided that she just had to see if she could move Ann off her steadfast denial. It wasn't generally a good idea to do that, but it seemed that that was the only way to move things forward.

"Ann, before you go, there is one more thing we need to talk about. I am reasonably sure that if you don't tell Tom everything that has happened, and as best you can why you did whatever it was that you did, your marriage is going to be over. I don't think that Tom is going to continue to come to counseling sessions otherwise. Now it may be that if you do tell Tom, your marriage will be over anyway. But right now that is the only way I can see to start repairing the damage that has been done. You don't need to tell me anything tonight, but I want you to think about this, and then on Thursday we will see how things go."

Thursday night Tom and Ann had to wait for a few minutes before Dr. Ayers could see them. Ann tried to make a little small talk, and Tom could tell that she was quite nervous. Nevertheless, he didn't respond to her gentle inquiries.

As soon as they had seated themselves, Ann spoke up. "I need to tell Tom something tonight, and I need to do it right away before I lose my courage."

Ann was twisting a handkerchief in her fingers nervously.

"Go ahead."

"Tom, you have been really pushing to know exactly what I did with Russ. Are you sure you really want to know?"

"I don't want to know at all. It's just that something inside me is making it so that I have to know."

Tom felt the ice forming in his stomach, and radiating out into his torso.

"Okay. This is going to be pretty long, and I have to tell it my way, so please don't interrupt me, or ask me any questions. After I finish, you can ask me anything you want, but please wait until I am done. A lot of this may not make a whole bunch of sense in the light of day, but it is how I felt."

"I also want you to know that I don't even know how to tell you how sorry I am that any of this happened, and if you will let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I love you more than anything in this world."

Tom just nodded.

"When I had my miscarriage, you know I was depressed, but there was one additional factor that I didn't tell you about. There are some things wrong with my uterus, including the fact that I have a tipped uterus. When the doctor examined me the day after the miscarriage, he told me that he was absolutely astounded that I had even been able to get pregnant to start with. He also told me that there was no way I was ever going to be able to carry a baby to term. He very strongly recommended tying my tubes to preclude the one percent chance of my getting pregnant again, so I wouldn't have to take birth control pills for the rest of my so-called fertile life. He gave me a prescription for birth control pills, but I didn't fill it."

"I couldn't tell you this. I knew how much you have wanted children, and I was afraid that if I told you I couldn't have children you would leave me."

"After I came home, the depression got slowly worse. I know that depression is normal after a miscarriage, but I felt like I was just a half woman. I couldn't be what you wanted, and I couldn't give you children. Within a couple of weeks I was so depressed I had to force myself to just get out of bed. I hid it from you as best I could, because I couldn't tell you why."

"I couldn't take birth control pills, or other contraceptives, because you would want to know why. So ever time we made love, I was constantly thinking that this might be the time that I get pregnant again, and I'll have another miscarriage."

"This made me even more depressed, and even though I knew I was pushing you away, I couldn't think of any way out. The longer it went on the worse it got. Then you started asking me to go see a counselor about my depression. I felt that you thought I was crazy, so I was even less of a woman, just some poor crazy woman who couldn't have children, and couldn't stop pushing her husband away, even when he was trying to help."

"Russ really was a client for awhile. We did one project for him that ended about a month before my miscarriage. About a week after I had gone back to work after the miscarriage, I was leaving for lunch when everything simply crashed down on me. I was standing in an alcove crying my eyes out, when Russ came by, saw me, and asked what was wrong. I was crying so hard I couldn't even say anything. Russ got me calmed down a bit, and took me to lunch in the little café just down the street from the office. I don't know why, maybe it was because he was a good listener, and I desperately needed someone to talk to, but I told him everything that had happened."

"Russ made all the appropriate noises, and after I had finished purging myself of what had happened, he told me that he understood, and was always available, just as a friend to be a sounding board."

"After that, we would go to lunch every once in awhile, probably once a week and just talk, that's all, just talk."

"When the charity ball came up, I was hurt and a bit angry with you because you didn't take me. I know I told you I wouldn't go, but I guess I felt that you should have done something different, maybe just stayed home with me instead of taking off on that trip. Anyway, I really needed someone to be with me, and when Pat called, and insisted that I go with them, I finally broke down and agreed. I drove over to meet them at their house, and we all went together in Bob's car."

"We hadn't been at the ball very long before Russ showed up. It wasn't planned, and in fact I didn't even know he was going. He asked me to dance, and I agreed, and when we came back to the table, I invited him to sit with us. Pat wasn't very happy about that, but she was pleasant enough to him. As the night went on, I had far too much to drink, and by about 10:30 I was completely smashed, and dancing just about every dance with Russ. I guess I needed to be held, or comforted or something. I don't know, but that is the way it happened."

"I don't remember much of the rest of the night. The only thing I do remember is being out on the balcony with Russ, and Pat coming out to say that it was time for us to go home. All I really remember is that Russ was kissing me, and I think his hand might have been under my skirt, but I am not at all sure about that. I don't even remember getting to Pat and Bob's. When I got up the next morning, Pat just reamed me, telling me I was a complete fool to be fooling around on you, acting like a slut, and that I had better get my act together and start acting like a loving wife again. I realized on the way home that she was right; so I sucked it up, and did my best to seem happy and loving. I know it didn't last very long, but I just couldn't hold it together any longer."

"A week or so later, Russ called up and invited me to lunch. What he had actually done was have a picnic lunch put together at a deli, together with a bottle of wine. We went down to the park and had lunch under some trees. It was a beautiful setting, and it seemed so peaceful and calm, so much not like what my life had become. To make a long story short, we wound up kissing, then one thing led to another, and before I knew it, I found myself masturbating him, while he did the same for me."

"Afterward, the guilt was almost overwhelming, and my depression got worse. But it seemed that I just couldn't break away from Russ. I guess he mesmerized me like a snake does a rabbit. Every time I saw him after that I felt more and more guilty, and the guiltier I felt, the worse my depression got, until I was hardly able to even function at work. Alan has been able to cover for me, but I don't know how much longer he can do that."

"By the time you saw us together; I had masturbated him a couple of times, and given him a couple of blow jobs, although I didn't let him come in my mouth. It is possible I did something like that at the ball, but I have no way of knowing without asking Russ, I just don't remember. I also haven't talked to Russ since the day you saw us together."

"The day you saw us, was the first time we had ever gone to a hotel. When he had asked me the day before to go to lunch, he asked me to wear something really sexy, and to see if I couldn't take the afternoon off, because he had something really special planned. That morning, when I got dressed, I just forgot about his request to dress in something sexy, and just wore what I would normally wear. I didn't remember until just before I was to go down to meet Russ, so I went to the ladies room, took off my bra and panties, and figured that it was the best I could do. When you saw his hand up my skirt, I had just told him what I had done, and he was checking it out."

"I am certain that I was going to go up to his room with him, and I certainly would have given him a blow job, but I don't think I would have had intercourse with him, not with my fear of getting pregnant. That's why the blowjobs and masturbation, I didn't want to get pregnant, and most of all I didn't want to betray you that way."

"When you found us, it didn't take more than a minute or two for my whole world to collapse around me. I ran out to try and find you, but I couldn't see your car, and you wouldn't talk to me on the phone. I called a cab and went back to the office to get my car. Then I just drove around the city for a few hours, until I finally went over to Pat's. She was absolutely disgusted with me, and even now she has trouble talking to me without getting angry at me."

"I had an extended appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday, to prepare for this, and for the first time told him the full story. He told me that he had thought something like this had gone on and that he wasn't particularly surprised, but that it had filled in a few gaps for him and gave him more of an idea of how to treat me."

"Tom, I love you more than life itself, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you if you will let me. It won't happen again – I have the tools to deal with things now. I will still have to continue seeing my psychiatrist for awhile, until the last of this depression is gone, but I can see an end to it, maybe in a couple of months. I have a couple of other things to get worked out, primarily dealing with my anger at my parents for getting killed, but those will get worked out also." 

Ann finally looked up at Tom, tears running down her cheeks, her makeup streaked down her face.

Tom's face was stony, his jaw was clenched, and his hands in fists, the fingers white from the pressure on them.

Dr. Ayers broke in. "Tom, before you say anything, I would like to add something here. When a woman is depressed, significantly depressed, the chances of her having an affair go up. When she is clinically severely depressed, and that is coupled with a poor self-image, the chances sky rocket. Usually all it takes is a sympathetic listener. Ann has been both. You have to think of this as though she were very ill, and has been for quite awhile."

Tom was quiet for a few minutes, and Ann cold feel the same icy coldness that Tom had earlier, although she didn't know it. Then he said: "Let me get this straight. When you were depressed, instead of trusting me to try to help you through it, you went to a stranger, telling him things that you hadn't even told me. You then proceeded to give him blowjobs; something that you have never done to me, because you think it is nasty. You also continued to do this, even though you felt guilty about it. Is that correct?"

"Essentially, yes."

Tom stood up.

"I am going to have to go try to work through this as best I can, and I certainly can't do it here."

With that Tom opened the door and left, closing it quietly behind him.

Ann burst into tears, sobbing into her handkerchief.

"Ann, I know that wasn't the response you had hoped for, but I think it is positive that he didn't blow up, and he didn't scream at you. We'll just have to see where this goes from here."

The following Tuesday, Dr. Ayers opened the session with questions about Tom and Ann's sex life before the miscarriage. Ann explained that although they had sex once or twice a week, it was always in the missionary position. Tom had tried to interest her in trying some other things, but Ann had thought that they were nasty, or weren't something that anyone but a slut would do, and simply refused to participate in them. This simply confirmed what Tom had told her the previous evening.

"Ann, sex between consenting adults is never bad. It can be glorious. But it can sometimes be sweaty, nasty, just plain sex, but never bad. Tom could bend you over the kitchen table, pull down your panties, and just fuck the hell out of you, and it would not be something a slut would do. It would just be a loving wife, letting her husband enjoy her."

"I told you and Tom that depression and lack of self image could easily result in a woman having an affair. A poor sex life at home is very often the reason men have affairs. If they can't get what they want at home they will often take advantage of some pretty young thing that is coming on to them, and the marriage goes down hill from there. And before you ask, no, I haven't seen any indication that Tom has had an affair, nor that he is planning one."

Dr. Ayers pulled a stack of paper out of a drawer and handed it to Ann.

"This is what I put together for my clients who have similar problems with sexual relations in their marriage. Mostly it is excerpts from a book published a number of years ago called 'Joy of Sex'. The authors gave me permission to use certain portions in my counseling. The top page is a list of several books that I think you should read. At a minimum you should read the first two on the list, and if you have time, the others may well be useful, but the first two are the important ones. The last things on the list are a list of web sites that deal with erotic stories and videos."

"You mean you want me to go watch porn? That is completely disgusting!"

Dr. Ayers sighed to herself.

"Yes. You certainly do not have to read or watch anything that truly offends you. I am not asking you to do that. I am asking you to go to these sites with an open mind, and see that other people do the same things that Tom wanted you to do. I want you to get an idea of what Tom might like, assuming that you can get back together. There are all kinds of things on these sites, romantic, one on one sweaty sex, bondage, you name it and it is there. I don't mean to imply that you should, or must, participate in any particular activity, just be aware of what the possibilities are."

Ann was beet red, and trying her best not to look embarrassed.

Three weeks later, Ann had read the first two books, and at least initially been totally shocked by what they were talking about people doing. She was even more shocked by the explicit sex that was depicted in the stories she read and the videos she watched. But when she went back and re-read the stories that had at least some appeal to her (usually romantic or one-on-one stories) she found that her vagina had a mind of its own, getting wet as she got to the good parts. She found herself touching herself, but every time she did, she remembered the day when her mother caught her touching herself.

"Ann, nobody but a total slut does things like that. I haven't raised you to be a slut, and I expect you to behave like I have raised you."

Her aunt had noticed the books, and had even caught her on the computer watching some of the videos. She didn't say much of anything, just "It's about damn time, your mother screwed your mind up about sex, and by the time you came to live with me, I had all I could do to deal with your loss. I couldn't find a way to enlighten you about sex."

A week or two later, Ann was in her aunt's library after dinner, reading a few of the stories offered, as Dr. Ayers had suggested. Several times this evening she had found her hand straying to her crotch, rubbing it gently. Every time she realized what she was doing, she had immediately pulled her hand away, and found something else to do for a few minutes.

Maggie had come into the library (actually it was a third bedroom that had been converted into an office), and was reading a book, seemingly not paying a lot of attention to her. After Ann had jerked her hand away from her clit for the third or forth time, Maggie sighed, closed her book, and cleared her throat.




Reconcilation



"Ann, you know that masturbation is not a sin?"

Ann turned absolutely purple, and couldn't even respond; she didn't even know how to respond.

"Your mother was a prude from the time she was eleven or twelve. In fact I was astounded that your father was ever able to impregnate your mother, given her attitude on sex, let alone twice. I should have had a talk with you years ago, but I was too busy trying to keep you together after your parents were killed, and then you went off to college, and it just didn't seem appropriate."

Maggie stood up. "Masturbation is something normal healthy people do at various times, although they normally don't do it in front of their aunt."

With that, Maggie walked out of the room, closing the door behind her, leaving Ann with her ears feeling like they were on fire.

Ann kept on looking at the videos, and reading and rereading the books that Dr. Ayers had recommended. She was absolutely determined that she was going to make her marriage work. She even masturbated a few times, after deciding that if it took being a slut for her husband, then she was going to be the best slut she could. She found that masturbating resulted in very nice orgasms, unlike the few she had had when having intercourse.

Tom was still coming to the counseling sessions, but he often simply sat there, responding if asked a direct question, but he seemed to have gone into a shell that mere words couldn't get though.

Ann, on the other hand, was coming out of her depression nicely. She was bouncy once again, paying attention to how she dressed, and paying attention to Tom. Even though he wasn't responsive very often, she paid close attention to anything he said, and tried to interest him in what was going on. While they waited to see Dr. Ayers, she was bubbly, asked him about his work, in general doing everything she knew how to interest him in her, and what was going on around him. She felt like she was a teenager again, trying desperately to interest a young man that she had a crush on.

Ann had noticed that Dr. Ayers, unlike when they first started seeing her, was now having them wait to see her, giving Ann time to talk to Tom, and when she asked Dr. Ayers if this was deliberate, she told her of course it is. You have to learn to communicate again. In this case, you have to fall in love again.

Finally, Dr. Ayers could see no other option with Tom, but to see if she could shake him out of his shell, although really it was a form of depression. Certainly it wasn't anywhere as near as bad as Ann's had been, but it was really dragging down the counseling sessions.

"Tom, you have been in a funk ever since Ann told you exactly what happened. This is not fair to you and certainly is not fair to Ann. Tell me; did you ever have sex with anyone before you met Ann?"

"Of course I did in college."

"Was Ann a virgin when she married you?"

"No, but she might as well have been, given her attitudes on sex."

"So nothing has really changed. You had sex with other people; Ann had sex with other people. The only difference is that Ann had a rather unremarkable affair while she was married. While most people would agree that she shouldn't have done it, what she did do was not anything a teenage girl might have done while dating."

"Yes."

"Ann also had the problem of her illness, a problem that has been dealt with, at least as well as any therapist can deal with something like that."

"Would you leave Ann if she had cancer?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why are you rejecting her now? Is it because your manhood has somehow been threatened? Or is it because you somehow feel your property has been damaged? If you feel your property has been damaged, then you better start thinking again – Ann has never been your property, any more than you have been hers."

"I don't know, I just know I can't seem to break out of this."

"If you don't get yourself back on track, you are going to find yourself without a marriage, to someone who has really, really tried to put things back together."

Four weeks after Dr. Ayers talk with Tom, Ann had finally had enough. Her depression had lifted, the only thing that seemed to be holding her back from completely getting out of the depression was that her marriage was still in limbo. Her medications were reduced to very low levels, and her psychiatrist told her that the only reason that she still needed to see him was because he was concerned about what might happen if Tom decided to end the marriage. Other than that he felt that she was recovered, and had the tools to deal with the world around her on her own terms.

Ann had also spent the last month planning her seduction of Tom, thinking through exactly what she should do, and how she should do it. Now she just needed to put her plan in action, and hope to hell that it worked.

When Ann arrived at the Thursday night session, it was clear that she had taken extra special care in her appearance. Her makeup was perfect, and her hair looked like she had just come out of a beauty shop, which wasn't far from the truth. Two nights before, after her session with Dr. Ayers, she had an appointment with her hairdresser, a special appointment, because normally she didn't work that late. She had also set up an appointment with a woman that worked with her hairdresser to have a wax job, removing all the hair on her legs and underarms. She had intended to have her pubis waxed as well, but after thinking about it, she decided that it would probably be too painful, and besides, perhaps Tom would like the pleasure of shaving her himself.

At the end of the Thursday night session, Ann spoke up.

"Tom, I need to say something now, and I think it needs to be said for both of us. You have spent the last month or two in basically a funk. You have been better the last few weeks, but you are still somehow unable to deal with what has happened. I know that is my fault, but I have done everything that I know how to do to understand your issues, and what the problems are. We can't go on like this. I am just about ready to go off my anti-depressants; because I now have the ability to deal with myself, and what has happened to me. The only thing holding me back is our marriage."

"If you still cannot forgive me, then I think we should go our separate ways. I absolutely do not want that, but I also cannot continue holding my breath every time I see you, wondering if today is the day you announce that you are going ahead with the divorce. I will not fight you on the divorce, but I will also do everything in my power to make things better. The decision is yours. Are you willing to try again, accept my flaws, and my illness, and make us a family again, or are you so bitter that you can't get past what I have done, and need to go your own way? My shrink tells me that as far as he is concerned, as soon as the issue of our marriage is resolved, he doesn't see any reason for me to continue to see him. Oh, I might need to continue for a session or two if you decide to divorce me, but other than that I have the tools to deal with whatever happens. Are you willing to try to be a part of that world?"

Dr. Ayers winced at the "my shrink", but kept her mouth shut. This was the true turning point. Ann had come a long way, and she hoped that she had brought Tom as far, but she was far from sure. If it had been her preference, she would have waited another few weeks in the hope that Tom would come out of his "funk", after all he had made some considerable progress since she had tried to move him off dead center, but she surely couldn't fault Ann for facing up to it.

Tom sat still for the longest time, his jaw muscles going like they did when he was trying to puzzle through a particularly knotty problem that involved him personally.

Finally, very slowly, he said: "I suppose that we can try to get together again. I still have to come to grips with this emotionally, in some ways, some how, but I am trying my best."

"Good, because I had faith in you that a little shock therapy would be enough to bring you to your senses. My bag is packed, and in my car. The rest of my things can wait until tomorrow. I want to be with you and in our home, together."

Ann bounced up, grabbed Tom's arm and pulled him to his feet.

"Come on, I want to spend the night together, and I want to show you how much I have grown."

Tom opened the garage with his remote, drove in, and waited for Ann to park her car.

Ann threw open the car door, and struggled to pull her suitcase out of the back seat.

"Let me do that."

"New rule number one. Let Ann do what she can. I can get this out. You can carry it in."

After Ann got the suitcase out of the car, Tom carried it in, depositing it in the bedroom they had shared for so many years.

Ann made a quick survey of the room, then unpacked her suitcase in a few minutes, putting her clothes in the closet they had shared, and in "her" drawers, which were still empty.

"I'm hungry, what do you have to eat?"

"Not much, I'm afraid that I haven't been interested in food over the last few months."

"Well, I am not really into shopping for food tonight. Let's go eat out at Sandy's."

Sandy's was quiet, and quite dim, as it normally was. They were seated off to one side, where they could talk quietly without anyone overhearing them, and before Tom could open his mouth, Ann had ordered a bottle of champagne, rather than drinks.

"I want to celebrate our reunion, or whatever it is you call a reconciliation."

Tom didn't say much while they waited for the champagne to arrive, but when it did, he immediately raised his glass in a toast.

"To us, and to reconciliation, and most of all to you for putting up with my attitudes for the last couple of months."

"To us."

By the time the main meal was eaten, Tom was quite a bit more relaxed, and talking more than he had in weeks. Ann bubbled with glee about their getting together. She had worked had at this, and it was obvious that Tom was trying his level best to put the past several months aside and concentrate on the future. He had even laughed at some of the deliberate double-entendres Ann had said.

When dessert was served, along with brandy, Ann took a deep breath, and threw out her whole scheme for seducing Tom, deciding instead on relying on her intuition and feelings.

"Tom, several weeks ago, Dr. Ayers gave me a reading list to help me understand what you might want regarding sex. I initially was shocked and disgusted by the books, but as I reread them, I came to a better understanding that perhaps what my mother told me was not the norm, but actually quite abnormal."

"I followed up on the books by looking at several web sites that Dr. Ayers recommended. Some of the things that I found there were disgusting, and still are to me. Some of them have become much less so as I have exposed myself to them over and over."

Tom was looking simply dumbstruck.

"After reading through everything I could find, talking with Dr. Ayers, and thinking about it whenever I had a spare minute, I made a clear decision, at least clear to me."

Ann paused for a minute, thinking, then taping her finger on the table for emphasis, she continued:

"From now on, my body is yours. I will do virtually anything you ask of me – barring having sex with another person than you. I will let you lick me – down there, if you like. I will let you come in my mouth; I will try different positions, any positions that you like; I will even let you take me anally if you like. If you ask me, I will tell you what ones I like or don't like, but if you don't ask, I will simply accommodate you."

Tom's mouth was hanging open, as if he didn't believe what he was hearing.

"I want to make love to you, and I want you to make love to me. I also want you to fuck me, and I will fuck you, anytime you are agreeable. Oh, and by the way, I started birth control pills, so there won't be any more worries on my part about getting pregnant."

Tom just sputtered for a moment.

"We may never make it as porn stars, but what happens in our bedroom is most certainly not going to be as limited as it has been. We are going to experiment as much as you would like, and just perhaps you will like some of the things I will come up with." 

Ann paused for another thought.

"And you can tell me or ask me to do anything you can think of. I doubt that I will be into pain of any kind, but if that is what turns you on, then I will try it at least once. Nipple clamps scare the hell out of me, and the only correlation I can see is a penis clamp, which I doubt you would like."

Ann tossed back the last of her brandy.

"Now let's pay the bill, and go home. While we are on the way home, you can think about how you would like to start off the new relationship. Do you want to start with making love, or fucking? Your choice, and believe me, I will do my best to make it a memorable experience."

Tom moved almost like a robot, taking his wallet out, and tossing enough money on the table to easily pay the bill, with a hefty tip to boot.

On the ride home, Ann continually teased Tom, rubbing his thigh, occasionally letting her fingers run across his crotch.

"Have you made up your mind yet?"

Tom's mind was darting off into dark corners. "Was this the way she treated Russell? No, it couldn't have been. But has she learned all this from Russ? No, she was honest with me."

Tom finally managed to shove all the dark thoughts off into a seldom-entered part of his mind, and begin to respond to Ann. By the time he got home, he had what felt like a permanent erection, and sex, pure sex was foremost on his mind.

"Come on Tom, what would you like to start with? Perhaps you would like to shave my pubis? Excuse me, perhaps you would like to shave my pussy?"

Tom had no more idea of how to respond than he had earlier, and taking the easy route, mumbled that sounded like a great idea.

"Okay, you just sit down here, and I will be back in a flash."

Ann parked Tom in the living room, going into the bedroom, retrieving a brand new negligee she had purchased at Victoria's Secret, and quickly changing. As she did, she called out to Tom: "Get a bowl of hot water, and come on back."

Tom arrived in the bedroom with a metal bowl of hot water to find the lights dimmed somewhat, a fresh razor, scissors, and shaving cream on the bedside table. And Ann in a breathtaking negligee, almost filmy, hiding none of her charms, with just a shadow over her pubis, leaving very little to the imagination.

Ann took the bowl from his hands, set in on the bedside table, kissed him, letting her tongue run wild in his mouth and proceeded to undress him, taking her time, until he stood naked before her, his penis throbbing in front of him.

Ann handed him a hand towel, then lay down on the bed, propping herself up with two or three pillows.

She lifted the hem of the negligee up to her waist.

"I think that the proper way to do this is to trim all the hair down to a stubble before you try to shave it.

Tom fumbled his way through the first part, the trimming, but he could see that Ann was excited, there was a little liquid seeping out from between her vagina lips, and he could smell her excitement.

Tom spread on the shaving cream generously, then carefully begin to shave her. As the hair begin to come off, leaving smooth skin behind, for some strange reason, Tom begin to feel that whatever had happened with Russell, was coming off with it. By the time Ann looked like a virginal child, it seemed to Tom that whatever had happened with Russell was long gone, never to be looked back on. It didn't make a lot of sense to Tom, but he didn't really care. What mattered was that it was gone.

Tom carefully wiped off the last of the shaving cream with a warm washcloth, then as though his body had a mind of its own, he leaned over and kissed Ann's bare pubis.

"Go ahead, investigate my – pussy."

Ann spread her legs a bit wider.

Before Tom quite knew what he was doing, he had spread her lips, putting his tongue on her clit, as his fingers probed her depths, curling up to stroke the "roof" of her vagina.

Ann hissed as his tongue found the right spots, and felt her hips moving in response to his tongue and fingers. She was astounded. She had never felt like this before. Every time his tongue or fingers probed her, she felt herself soaring to a new high, an orgasm just out of reach, but getting closer each time.

Finally the intense feelings just didn't stop, and she roared over the edge, her hands holding his head down and her hips bucking upward, as wave after wave crashed over her. She could think of nothing but wanting Tom inside her.

"Tom, please, take me. I need you inside me. Please Tom, now!"

As Tom knelt between her legs, Ann grasped him, and guided him into her, holding her knees up, then wrapping her legs around him, pulling him into her.

Tom didn't last long, it had been too long since he had had sex, and he erupted almost immediately, with Ann urging him on.

They lay together, the heat from their exertions keeping them warm despite the rather chilly night. Ann wrapped her arms around Tom, holding him to her, his head on her breast, her hands running through his hair.

Ann woke up early the next morning, and got quietly out of bed, going into the bathroom. She relieved herself, patted herself dry, then stood.

She looked up at the huge mirror that was on the bathroom wall, examining herself, and looking at what Tom had done the night before. She had never seen herself, at least in many years, with no pubic hair, and the sight rather excited her. Not because she was shaven, but because she felt that Tom would find her exciting.

She washed her hands, and then used the washcloth to make sure that her vaginal area was completely clean before she quietly stole out of the bedroom and eased herself onto the bed.

She pulled the covers back, very gently, so as to not awake Tom, until she had his groin completely exposed.

Ann heard in her mind, "Only sluts do that" from her mother, then she very firmly and forcefully put that thought into the place in her mind that she would never visit again.

Ann leaned over and blew lightly on Tom's penis – no his cock. After a few moments, she took a deep breath, and bent over, taking him into her mouth, sucking on him, and sliding her tongue around his – cock. Before long, she found herself with an erect cock, and no real idea of what to do. She knew she could use a combination of her hand and mouth to get him to come, but she wasn't really interested in getting him to just come, she wanted this to be a whole new experience.

She slowly slipped him into her mouth again, then begin sucking on him, not moving, not masturbating him with her hand, just sucking on his cock, until he was fully awake.

"What, what?"

"Hush and enjoy."

Ann let her tongue circle his cock, and could feel his excitement; his pre-cum was already in her mouth, tasting very slightly salty. She redoubled her efforts, and was soon rewarded with an extremely hard cock in her mouth that was throbbing with the need to release. She bobbed her head up and down as she sucked and released Tom's cock, and within moments was rewarded with a burst from his cock, flooding her mouth, and making her gag for just a moment before she pushed that thought down, and reveled in her new found sexuality.

When Tom was done, Ann licked the last of the semen off his cock, lifted up and hurled herself at Tom, kissing him, and telling him how much she was glad to be home again, and how much she loved him.

Tom could taste, and smell the semen on her breath, and wasn't revolted at all. He was actually excited by the whole idea.

Ann held him as tightly as she could for a few minutes, then rolled off him, pulling him over until his head was on her breast.