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Dark Blue

By: leapyearguy



For the first twenty years of my adult life I've worn a uniform - starched, creased and pressed.

The first was olive green; I spent eight years in the Army and saw a taste of war in Kuwait and Somalia. I honored the oath I'd made to my Uncle Sam and am proud to have served.

The next twelve years were spent in navy blue behind the wheel of a patrol car. I swear, those years were ten times more dangerous than being in a war zone. The mean streets of LA are a fucking war zone, don't ever kid yourself. The fire power employed by the gangs can and would make a lot of third world armies green with envy.

Each year that I spent on the force, I became a little harder and a little more cynical. My trust in human nature evaporated from a solid curtain to no more than a fine mist. I was sure that I was the one that was going to make the difference from the moment that badge was pinned to my shirt. It turned out to be a childish fantasy, I ended up hating the only thing I'd ever done. Here's my story.

"This is the city: Los Angeles, California. I work here. I'm a cop," that's what ran through my head at the beginning of every shift. My name's Joe, just like the guy that used to growl that bullshit line on TV. My partner's name was Bill too, just the same as Sergeant Friday's, but believe me, that's where the resemblance ended.

The semi sterile working conditions that you see on TV are nothing like we see on the job, and I swear as God is my witness, I've never said, "Just the facts ma'am."

Bill and I were working the day watch out of the Rampart division. Ok, forget you ever heard that. It was a typical sunny day in LA, if you could have seen the sun that is. The smog was thick and there was an odd orange tint to the sky.

After our usual breakfast of chilidogs and sushi, Bill and I hit the streets. He was telling me all about his date from the night before, when the radio interrupted his description of the blowjob he'd received. We took the call and while Bill drove toward the address the dispatcher had given us, I pulled my duty weapon and checked the chamber.

I holstered my Glock, feeling a little more secure. We were headed to a report of a fight at a bar. These things can range from a simple argument to a full-blown riot. Bill pulled up to the bar with his side of the car facing the building. He already had his hand on the door of the bar while I was coming around the side of the patrol.

I made it through the opening just in time to see Bill take a pool cue across the bridge of his nose. He flew backwards with blood splattering everywhere when he hit the floor. 

Without thinking, my hand shot out and spun the guy that held the stick. I threw a crushing overhand right that had every ounce of my two hundred and forty pounds behind it, the guy hit the floor like a lump of loose shit. 

Asshole number two must have taken offense to the way I had treated the first perp. My peripheral vision caught him as he rounded the end of the billiard table. The knife in his hand gave me the first clue of his intent to cause me grievous bodily harm.

With little regard to his weapon, my instincts took over. I hit him hard with a shoulder to his midsection and slammed him on his back in the middle of the green slate. He brought his arm up, and just as quickly I shoved it down, abruptly breaking his arm on the inflexible table edge. The knife flew from his hand and the little bitch started screaming for his momma.

I was none too gentle when I rolled him to his stomach and cuffed him, broken arm and all. I knew he was in a lot of pain because I'd never seen anyone's forearm bent at that angle before. It looked to me like he had an extra elbow.

I secured the other one that was still unconscious and radioed for an ambulance for my partner. Bill was sitting up now with a bar towel held to his face to stop the flow of blood from his nose. His eyes were very nearly swollen shut, he would probably be on sick leave for a while.

Back up had arrived by then, I was still busy trying to help Bill control the bleeding. He was like a little brother to me you know, I felt pretty bad but maybe this would teach him to wait for me the next time. That kind of John Wayne shit will get an officer killed in a big hurry. I filed that thought away for future reference. 

Before I knew it there were people coming from all over. Three ambulances were on scene along with about a dozen more cops. I couldn't believe this much damned attention for a simple bar brawl. Two detectives were asking questions to all the bar patrons, and to top it all off, a TV news crew showed up, there must not have been any low speed freeway chases going on for them to report.

The paramedics finally got my partner loaded into the ambulance and the duty sergeant ordered me to follow in the squad and get checked out myself. I argued that I was fine but Mac wasn't having any of it. 

At the emergency room, it was clear that Bill was in good hands and going to be okay. I watched at the door and when he made a pass at the first nurse he saw I stopped feeling sorry for the little bastard. 

I heard a loud voice call out, "Romanski, exam two."

That being my name, Joe Romanski, I shuffled down the hall to the exam room to get checked out.

The doctor was a rather small woman with her hair piled and pinned to the top of her head. She wore the usual green scrubs and very unflattering eye glasses. She held a chart in her hands and was looking it over as she ordered me to strip.

"Jeezus Doc, all I need is a band-aid for a skinned knuckle." 

"Don't give me any shit, Officer Romanski, off with the clothes. I'm the doctor here and I'll decide what you need," she barked.

As I was slowly unbuttoning my shirt, her impatience was starting to spread across her face. I went from the top button to the bottom very slowly and deliberately. She removed her glasses and watched as I carefully draped my shirt over the back of the chair. Gradually pulling the Velcro fasteners of my Kevlar vest made an excruciating ripping sound that made her purse her lips.

My teasing wasn't making any points with this woman. I could see the color change in her face, she was becoming flush. She stepped forward and looked straight into my eyes.

"Would you mind speeding it up a little, I haven't got all goddamned day to waste," She hissed through clenched teeth.

That made me smile just a little to myself, I was getting under her skin. Her patience reached the breaking point and she decided that she'd had enough of my insolence. With the deft touch of a surgeon, duh, she removed the remainder of my uniform. She pushed me back onto the exam table with unexpected force.

"Romanski, you can be such an asshole sometimes," she chided as she removed her scrub bottoms and panties.

She crawled up on the gurney and positioned her wet pussy over my raging hard on.

"What, no foreplay?" I teased.

"Stop messing around Joe, I need this and I need it right now," she begged.

Hey, doctor's orders and all that good stuff, I wasn't about to argue so I gave the good Doctor what she wanted. I pushed my cock steadily into her tight little slit.

"Oh God yes," she cried.

The look of ecstasy on her face told me when I was hitting her sweet spot. I increased the pace and her jaw was now hanging open about to show me her "O" face. It was fast furious sex, the no frills kind. Doctor Moss, Nancy, was screaming into my shoulder. Her muffled cries only served to urge me on as I pumped into her for all I was worth.

With her needs fulfilled, she remained in the saddle. Her fingers combed through my chest hair as she asked, "Why Joe, why haven't we ever... shit, we haven't ever even been on a real date, you know."

"You want the smooth version or the truth?"

"How about the truth for a change, that might be interesting."

"Okay, but you asked for it," I warned, "How long have we known each other, five, maybe six years?" she nodded, "And in all that time can you honestly tell me that you ever wanted any part of me above my waste?"

"Well yeah, but..."

"Come on Nance, the truth," I coaxed.

"I see where you're going but... Joe, isn't there more to us than this?"

"How long do you think it would be until one of our jobs came first? Could you honestly tell me that it wouldn't happen? I do care for you Nan, I care too much to let something stupid like a wedding ring turn into resentment or hate," I explained.

"What makes you think we couldn't make it work?" she asked.

"It would be too one sided Baby, would you be willing to give up your career for me?"

"Joe, that isn't even a fair question, you know how much I love what I do."

"Yeah I do, and that's exactly my point. When you commit your life to someone, you have to be willing to die for that person. Could you do it?"

"Goddamn Romanski, when did you get so freaking introspective? I guess I should have gone with the smooth version."

A few minutes later, I walked out with a band-aid across my knuckles and four stitches in my shoulder where Nancy had sunk her teeth. I really did have strong feelings for Nancy but I was smart enough not to chase something that I had no chance of catching. She loved what she did and I had no right to ask her for any more than she was willing to give. 

I drove the squad back to the station and filed my report. In the report I described step by step the details of the day's events up to and including my hospital visit. I omitted the details of my extensive medical examination with Nance. I simple wrote that I was treated for a minor abrasion and released for duty.

At roll call the next morning, I expected to pick up a temporary partner as Bill would be on medical leave for the next two weeks. What I got was a trip to Lieutenant Exley's office.

Was I being sent to the principal's office? The answer was yes, my sergeant and I were ordered to report right after roll call. Exley reprimanded me for my so called heavy handed actions of the previous day. He went on to suspend me from duty for two weeks pending further investigation of the entire incident. I was incensed and outraged at his asinine assumption that I had acted beyond prudent and necessary force. The limp wristed little prick had no fucking idea how much I had restrained myself, I would have clearly been justified using deadly force on the guy with the knife.

Sergeant McCormack just watched as the prick even suggested that in the future I should consider contacting my superiors before acting as judge and jury. I felt the blood rising in my face as he continued to question my worth to the department. Biting my tongue, I stood and took it, I took it right up until he ordered me to attend anger management classes during my suspension.

"I'd like to ask if I may Sir," I started out politely, "Are you serious or am I on candid camera?" I was on a roll and had no intentions of stopping, "Did you think this up on your own or is the whole fucking department insane?"

"Romanski, you'd better watch your mouth, you're treading on thin ice," he said.

"Why don't you suck my dick, Sir," I asked politely. 

The corners of Sarge's mouth quivered as he tried not to laugh out loud. Exley was on his feet now and I could hear the gears grinding in his head trying to come up with something to say.

I continued, "Sir, I'd like to suggest a new policy whereas it requires a lieutenant to follow officers to the restroom to make sure we don't fuck that up too. Maybe it would be a good idea for the lieutenants to wipe our asses for us."

Exley was right in front of me now, his face gave him away. He looked like a man about to have a stroke, or at the very least a mild heart attack. 

"You... You..." 

SMACK! The prick bitch slapped me. I considered squashing him like a bug but realized that he'd stuck an officer in front of a witness. His ass was just served up to me on a silver platter.

I turned and left his office to write a report of the incident. I handed the paperwork to McCormack, which he gladly signed and forwarded to the Captain for his review. I changed into my civies and drove to Bill's to see if he needed anything. 

Actually I used that as an excuse to talk. I picked up some sandwiches and a twelve pack of cold beer on the way. Bill would've looked like a raccoon if he could have opened his eyes, he was black and blue from ear to ear. We joked for a few minutes as he devoured one of the salami subs. He used the cold beer like an ice pack laying the bottle alongside his swollen nose.

"Bro, I need to ask you something," I hemmed.

"Shoot, ask me anything."

"I wanna know straight out Buddy, can you make it on the job without me?" I asked.

"What the hell's going on Joe, are you gonna quit?"

"I'm really thinkin' about it ya know, all the bullshit and the way nobody gives a shit anymore. I'm getting' old too and maybe it's time to get serious about life before some Vato shoots my balls off." 

"Man, I never saw this comin', when?"

"A month maybe two," I answered.

"It just won't be the same without your big ugly face around."

"Shit Bill, I wasn't going to say this but maybe it's time for you to think about it too."

"What... leave the force?"

"Yeah, or at least think about going somewhere a little more laidback."

"What are you getting at partner?"

"You're a loose cannon bro, that shit at the bar yesterday would never have happened if you'd of waited five more seconds. What if that fucker had a piece in his hands instead of that cue? Think about what I'm saying."

Bill was silent for a minute, I wondered if I'd crossed the line between truth and friendship. It's sometimes harder to tell somebody you care about the truth than to take the fifth and remain silent. I didn't want to hurt him but the facts don't lie. The awkward moment was interrupted by one of Bill's many girlfriends. 

I'd said what I'd come to say. I wasn't happy about it but then again, I'd finally gotten it off my chest. Yesterday wasn't the first time that I'd had to bail his ass out of a bad situation. Don't get me wrong, Bill was a good cop. He just needs some time to get over his Lone Ranger complex.

Alone that night it struck me that I had just laid a boat load of gospel on the two people I cared most about, Nancy and Bill. Was it cathartic, no, I didn't feel better. I felt an inkling of betrayal as a matter of fact. My personal life and my career were both headed for some major changes. At the crossroads, there are many paths. The only one I was sure not to choose was the one I had been on for too long already.

The next morning after a chilidog and an alfalfa smoothie, I drove to the community college where the hostility abatement academy would be held. I would follow orders for the time being, when I left the department it would be on my terms. I'd stick things out long enough to be marked fit for duty.

There were about ten people in the class not counting me. It was glaringly apparent that I was the lone police officer in the room. Most of the others would be there to satisfy a court order stemming from domestic disputes. To me, I stuck out like a sore thumb. The others all looked like they were attending a PTA meeting, I on the other hand, wore my Ray Bans and an LAPD T shirt.

Our facilitator appeared to me like she was no more than a teenager. She kinda reminded me of Malibu Barbie, you know with the long bleached blonde hair and the deep dark Coppertone tan. The lack of curves and the almost nonexistent tits made me wonder if she was anatomically correct under her stylish business suit.

None of the parts fit together as a whole package. The hair and the face said bikini. The clothes screamed old spinster. But the legs, the legs confused the shit out of me. They were long, as long as I'd ever seen on a woman before. Shapely doesn't do them justice and slender doesn't quite work, maybe shapely slender. At least if the class bored me I'd have something to stare at to keep myself amused.

She started to speak and I paid attention long enough to find out she wasn't underage, she was actually twenty four and had a psyche degree, ooh very impressive. For the next twenty minutes, Miss Davis talked but I didn't hear very much. This was so pointless to me, I was there because I had to be. Hell, we were all probably there for the same reason, because somebody else thought we should be.

I was bored out of my scull and was wondering just how many times she could wrap those incredible legs around my waist. I pictured it as two maybe two and a half times. She glared at me a few times like she knew just exactly what I was thinking. 

"I want you all to participate in a very simple exercise, please take a deep breath and then count to ten with me," Miss Davis instructed, " One... Two... Three..."

What a load of childish crap, a Feng shui class made more sense to me than this bullshit. 

She continued, "Now I'd like you all to do the exercise again but this time think about what makes you angry."

For Christ's sake, I already knew what made me angry. If I stopped to count on the job, Bill and I could be dead for nine and three quarters of that ten seconds. I got up and walked toward the door.

"Mister Romanski, where are you going, we're not finished yet," called Miss Davis.

"I'm takin' a break," I called back, "Anger management pisses me off."

I could hear the rapid clatter of her heels on the tile floor as she followed me out the door. 

"ROMANSKI," she shouted.

I turned to face her, she had her hands on her hips and looked disgusted with me, "Yes, Miss Davis," I replied calmly.

"This is precisely why you are in this workshop, your anger just got the best of you didn't it," she scolded.

"Unh... No ma'am, I don't think so. I'd say what happened was that... Well, unh, I realized that I'd already graduated kindergarten thirty somethin' years ago," I said moving closer to her.

"Goddamned pig headed..." she seethed.

"Whoa baby, you're assuming an awful lot about me that isn't there and it looks to a trained eye like you have some issues of your own."

"Maybe I do but it's frustrating when men don't take what I do seriously. I've worked hard to get where I am and I don't like being ignored," she sighed.

"Fair enough Miss... oh screw that, what's your first name?"

"Jamie," she replied defensively.

"Okay Jamie, we both have issues. I'm willing to bend and meet you half way. If you'll agree to sit down with me and have coffee and talk, I'll come back to class and play nice with the other boys and girls," I offered.

"I don't date student or patients," she said crossing her arms.

"Who said anything about a date, you're assuming again. I said coffee and talk, there was no mention or implication of anything more."

"I... I don't think it would be a good idea to mix-"

"Hey, your choice, I'm not twisting your arm but know this, I will not sit through any more of this bullshit until we both understand each other."

"Why should I care, it doesn't matter to me if you quit."

"I think it does or you wouldn't have followed me here."

"Alright, we'll talk after class."

"I'll be waiting right here."

"But aren't you coming back in? You said-"

"I said I would be back after we understood each other."

Well she wasn't happy as she strode away. While waiting, it gave me some time to sit and think about where my life was headed. To me, it was a foregone conclusion that my days in uniform were numbered. It wasn't just the latest thing with Exley, it was more like a plate of flapjacks, layer after layer. A lot of the problem was the city, I mean, LA was exciting for me at first but now I just look at it as an ocean of despair. I rarely get to see the gentle side of life. I didn't think about my problems long though, I wondered if Jamie could maybe get her legs around me three times if I held my breath.


Dark Blue



Jamie was not too open at first, I don't think she trusted me or men in general for that matter. I know she suspected that I had ulterior motives, mainly getting in her pants. I won't deny that I was still curious to see if she was in fact built by Mattel or if she had all the correct feminine anatomy but I'm just not that shallow. I really did want to know her but more importantly for her to know who I was and the honest version of why I was sentenced to her tutelage. 

It took a lot of time and explaining my situation for her to see that I wasn't a raving madman. To her credit she asked the right questions and made me see that she did know what she was doing. With both of us laying our guts on the table as it were, the wrong assumptions ceased to be a problem. The conversation was so consuming that coffee soon turned to dinner and wine.

"I'll admit Joe that I misread you and I'm sorry but I think you may have jumped to a few conclusions yourself."

"Nah, I don't think so," her smile changed to a scowl, "I still think you're cute," her smile returned.

"You do know that you are an asshole, Joe," She joked.

"Now there's something that I'll admit to with one proviso, I'm a charming asshole," I said with a wink.

"Will I see you in class tomorrow?"

"I gave you my word, I'll be there."

I took Jamie home and thanked her for taking time to listen. She also thanked me for dinner and what she said was a wonderful evening. Before I turned to go, she kissed me. It wasn't earth shattering but there was no doubt that it was more than a goodnight kiss. I seized the moment and kissed her back with everything I had. She was almost panting when our lips parted so I did it again.

This time it was more sensual and lingering. Our lips brushed and our tongues barely touched. Her eyes never opened once as I caressed her cheek and neck with my fingertips. I could feel the warmth of her breath as her chest heaved. She slumped in my arms as if submitting her warm body.

Would she? Yeah. Did she? I didn't stick around long enough to let it happen. I'm not an opportunist, I wanted to let her sort out her feelings before she did something on the spur of the moment that she'd later regret. I simply left her staring as I walked away into the darkness. I struggled to get back to my car; a hard dick is not easy to walk with.

Finally home, I stripped down, slipped into bed and polished my nightstick while thinking of Jamie's long tanned legs. 

The sun woke me the next morning so I stepped into my running shoes and jogged the two miles to Manny's taco stand for breakfast. One meat extra hot sauce, one fish hold the avocado, and a raw egg smoothie. Fuckin' L A, you gotta love it.

"Romanski, you really are an asshole. You left me standing there with dripping panties you prick. I had to finish what you started, alone, by myself," Jamie told me before we started the next morning, "See me after class. I think you're gonna need special tutoring."

"I have no idea what you mean Miss Davis," I smiled showing sixteen sparkling teeth.

The exercise of the day: Stress relief. 

Shit, this wasn't new. Thirty minutes at the firing range always did it for me. I love the smell of gunpowder and it was far less destructive to my liver than a quart of bourbon.

Sitting through three hours of quiet time gave me plenty of opportunities to study Jamie's long legs. By noon when we broke for the day, my stomach was empty and my dick was hard. 

Jamie smirked when she saw the bulge in my pants. I blushed, but just a little.

"Looks like an extra credit assignment to me," she purred.

"You can have your way with me but you'll have to feed me first," I said rubbing my belly.

"We can grab a quick salad in the cafeteria," she suggested.

"Oh fuck that, I need food," I growled.

We went to a little out of the way pub I frequent. It doesn't look like much on the outside but on the inside, well; it's a real shithole. I ordered two house specials and a couple of pints.

Kevin, the owner, bartender, cook, bouncer, and dishwasher server up two of the ugliest greasy cheeseburgers you ever saw. Jamie flinched when she saw it.

"I can't eat that," she moaned.

"You'd better, you're gonna need the calories before the afternoon is through," I said as I dug into it like I was actually starving.

Tentatively she took a bite and then another. Before long she was stuffing her face in the greasy mess, "Mm, this so good," she cooed with ketchup dripping down her chin.

Don't underestimate the power that melted cheese has on a woman is my motto. Jamie was halfway to her first orgasm as she finished the last bite of something you'd normally not feed to a dog. My work would be easy, as she was almost completely satisfied already.

Back at my place, I discovered that Jamie is a screamer and she vocalized as I explored the parts that had obviously not been molded by Mattel. My fat tongue elicited guttural groans from her heaving torso. She gripped my ears for leverage as I finished giving her the orgasm the cheeseburger had started.

"Talk about stress relief," she sighed, "Joe, that was incredible."

I like to fuck real slowly on a full stomach so I moved in behind her in the spoon position. I slid my hard cock between the wet folds of her still quivering pussy. 

Instruction time: Slow pressure all the way in, hold it there while exploring the rock hard bumps on her almost tits, then slowly release, repeat steps one through three until desired effect is accomplished.

It was very nearly an hour later as Jamie's sweaty body lay on top of mine completely satisfied, I felt pretty proud of myself as well. We slept.

The phone woke me from a wonderful siesta and Jamie was still clinging to me for dear life. McCormack was short, sweet and too the point.

"The Captain wants you in his office tomorrow at nine."

"Tell him thanks for asking but nah, I'm busy," I droned.

"What? Joe what the fuck is wrong with you? It's the Captain for Christ's sake," he said incredulously.

"How 'bout Saturday, around noonish. How'd that be?"

"Jeezus Joe, you know the Captain doesn't work weekends."

"Yeah, and I don't work tomorrow or the next day for that matter thanks to Exley."

"He ain't gonna like it. Joe, be reasonable, we're talkin' 'bout your career."

"Mac," I said, with Jamie stroking my dick slowly, "You can't know just how little I care about that right now."

I hung up the phone and rolled over straddling Jamie's chest as she teased the head of my cock with her tongue.

Being so wrapped up with Jamie and the acrimony administration seminar, I'd had little, if any time to consider my future. Really the choices were endless. Unlike most people in my position, money would not be the deciding factor. No, cops don't make that much but my folks had left me with a sizeable chunk of change on top of the fact that I never was spender. I didn't say I was cheap, I said that I don't spend foolishly what I make. Without a doubt, I could retire at the ripe old age of thirty-eight and live comfortably.

Retirement though, hmm, that wasn't real aspiring choice. I decided to not decide right away. Career goals could wait but I was determined to get clear of LA and I ain't talkin' 'bout no short vacation here folks. The City of Angels was history as far as I was concerned. My folks left me with a great little cabin in the woods just north of Seattle. It would be a start and a place to get my head tweaked regarding my future.

Jamie is a wonderful girl, she really is and will make a great wife to some lucky guy, just not this guy. I had to break it off soon before things got more complicated. I am fourteen years older than her and when she is my age I'd be... hmm let's see... dead? Hey, I'm a cop not an accountant.

Jamie took the news well, "You fuckin' jerk Romanski, I finally find a guy that likes to eat pussy and you fuckin' bail on me," she screamed.

"Jeezus Jamie, I'm sorry but..."

She was laughing her ass off by now, "God Joe, lighten up I'm teasing. We never had a future but it was fun while it lasted. Besides, if I hung around you much longer I'd weigh a ton, those cheeseburgers are addicting. How about we make the best of tonight since I'm already here."

See, I told you not to underestimate the power of melted cheese. With that thought in mind, I ordered pizza delivery from Luigi's. If Jamie thought the burger was good, she's gonna cream her jeans when she takes a bite of this pie. No shit, it's that good.

I suffered through a chick flick while we were eating. The pie was marvelous as always, the movie sucked. It would have been much better if Tom Hanks would have just fucked the insomniac bitch from the beginning.

After the crying was over, me 'n' Barbie got down to some serious screwin'. I'm willing to bet Ken ain't getting any of this, not with G I Joe in the saddle. Jamie wrung me out, man if break up sex was always this good, I'd be dumping chicks on the first date from now on.

We slept soundly in each other's arms for the second and last time.

I finished out the week long tutorial and got my certificate for completing the temper adjustment institute. I was the only one to get a congratulatory blowjob for his efforts. Jamie and I parted friends.

I took the Captain a donut so he'd have something to chew besides my ass for ruining his Saturday. Don't kid yourself, he ate it. 

"What's it gonna take Joe?" He asked between bites.

"I want my jacket scrubbed to start with," meaning I wanted my employee record expunged.

"Yeah, what else? Hey that's one tasty donut," he marveled.

"And a Bentley squad car."

"WHAT?" he choked.

"Just fuckin' wit ya," I announced.

"That's it?" he couldn't believe it.

"Believe it or not Sir, I am on your side. But in all fairness you should consider sending Exley someplace where he doesn't have to interface with actual human beings."

"Already done Joe, he's history. Got all his years in, I signed his retirement papers two days ago."

"That's why you get the big bucks boss," I concluded.

"See ya at roll call Monday Joe," Mac added.

I figured it was time to check in on Bill the Raccoon. He was lying on his back moaning when I got there. I should have known better than to think he was in pain. The skinny chick with the huge rack riding his pole didn't even slow down when I opened the door to see if Bill was dying. My presence didn't faze either of them.

"Joe, how's it goin?" he greeted me.

"Not bad. I see you're making good use of your sick leave," I returned, "Nice ass by the way," acknowledging the cowgirl.

"Thanks, I got room for one more in the back if you care to join us," she politely offered.

"How 'bout I take a rain check Sweetie," I declined, not wanting to offend her, "Bill, I just dropped by to see how you were makin' out, looks like you have everything you need,"

"Uh huh, oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck! Cindy!!!" he grunted.

I didn't really need to see that part, "Well, nice to meet you ah... Cindy, it's been a pleasure," I concluded.

Cindy winked and mouthed the words, "Call me," as she continued her pony ride.

"That fuckin' Bill," I thought, "Someday he's gonna die from pussy. But man, what a way to go."

It occurred to me that after I give notice at the department, I would have broken all ties to the City of Smog, all but one. 

"Nancy, this is Joe. When you get this message please call. I'd like to take you to dinner and talk, call me, bye." recording to her voicemail. 

I'd take Nancy out on that real date we'd never had before I told her I was leaving, I owed her that much didn't I?

A little after eleven that night she called, "What the hell Romanski, are you serious?" she questioned, "You mean to tell me you're willing to be seen with me out in public?"

"Hell yeah, as long as you're not wearing those damn pajamas you wear at the hospital."

"Well where are you taking me, In-N-Out Burger?"

"Come on Nance, I was thinking of something just a little more upscale maybe like Pink's hot dogs," I teased, "Seriously though, just put on a dress. You do own one don't you?"

"Of course I do you asshole but it might not fit anymore because I haven't worn it since my high school prom."

"Oh, in that case I'll wear a lavender tux for the occasion, sweet, man. We'll fit right in at Crustacean."

"You're kidding right? Don't tease about taking me there. If you're serious, hell I'll buy a new dress and shoes too."

"Pick you up at seven," I concluded.

I told you I wasn't cheap. For what this dinner was going to cost including the wine, I could eat for a month or two at the places I frequent. Nancy, she's worth it though, we've been friends for a long time and I didn't feel right about leaving without doing something, you know.

Holy shit, it's amazing what a little makeup and a new outfit can do to a woman's appearance. Nancy made my tongue hard when she opened the door.

"Wow, look at you, you're gorgeous," I complimented.

"You like?" she blushed.

"Oh hell yeah," I drooled.

I reach for her and she slapped my hand, "You'll wrinkle the dress. If you're a good boy maybe I'll let you unwrap your present later," she chided.

"Well then let's eat, I can't wait to see what's under that new dress."

"Oh, you mean this," she said, raising the hem of the clingy short black dress exposing thigh high silk stockings and garter. 

I love that look, especially the way she wore it, without panties, "This is going to be the longest dinner of my life."

After a steamed seafood dumpling appetizer, Nancy had the roasted crab in garlic sauce while I chose the lobster with angel hair pasta. It was no chilidog but still an excellent meal. The wine was over the top. I could get used to drinking that stuff if I ever won the lottery, that is.

Nancy was basking in the glow of our culinary orgy as we sipped coffee.

"So what prompted this Joe, not that I'm complaining mind you," she mused.

"I just thought I'd like to take you somewhere special for once," I alluded.

"I know you better than that Romanski, come on big guy what gives?"

I didn't want to say anything about my big move right then but she had to know sometime, "I'm quitting the force..."

"You're doing what? I don't believe it, not you Joe."

"Nancy, I've had it with this place, the city. I've got to get out before it kills me."

"But where Joe? Where will you go and what will you do?" she asked in amazement.

"I have a little place in northern Washington that my folks left me. I figure to start there."

Nancy's mood had done a one eighty. She stared at me like I'd just taken a dump on her front doorstep, "Why didn't you ever say something Joe, I'm shocked."

"I didn't know myself until a few days ago," I admitted.

"Romanski, you can't do this damn it, I need..." she paused, "I... Fuck it, you've already made up your mind haven't you?" she shrugged rhetorically. 

I started to feel like I'd jumped the gun a little by telling Nancy I was leaving. I had no idea she would react this way, Christ we were just friends weren't we? I was reading a lot more than friendship into the tears that were slowly forming in the corners of her eyes.

"Please Joe, take me home, I'm suddenly not feeling too well," she said in despair.

Nancy wouldn't talk to me on the ride home, she was shutting me out completely and it hurt. Strangely it hurt worse than anything in my life up to that point and I didn't understand why.

Nancy was out of the car almost before it stopped at the curb, "Thanks for letting me know Joe," she said bluntly.

Her words and the tone she'd used stung deep into my heart. 

I called several times that night and the next day but Nancy wasn't taking my calls. I was back at work but distracted by Nancy's refusal to talk to me. By the end of my shift, I'd concluded that maybe it was for the best.

Wednesday morning's roll call. It was Exley's last day in our division. I walked confidently into the squad room with a big ass cake.

The cake had been my idea and I'd arranged it with an Armenian bakery. The guy that owned the place, Nazar, was only too happy to bake Exley's retirement cake, until I clued him in on the special frosting I wanted. At first he adamantly refused to add my special ingredient, a white milky substance gladly provided in specimen cups by over half the officers under Exley's command. I reminded Nazar how a phone call to the INS, immigration and naturalization services, would essentially close his budding operation. Nazar is a shrewd man and saw fit to grant this small favor.

I presented the cake with a gleaming smile to my soon to be ex-boss. He was so choked up he even hugged me and gave me a pat on the back. I cut the cake and served him a large slice with extra frosting, one from the corner.

Most of the men begged off claiming to be on a diet, others not asked to contribute ate happily with their lieutenant. 

I was able to stop Mac just before he stuffed a huge bite into his mouth. Explaining to him how the butter-cream-sperm combination might not sit well with his ulcer. The scowl on his face was replaced by a hearty guffaw when he saw Exley licking the frosting from his fingers.

I tendered my resignation to Mac. Five weeks from now would mark thirteen years with LAPD, lucky thirteen I decided would be enough. 

Emotionally I was all mixed up. Nancy still would not return my calls and having just quit my job I felt in limbo. I was happy to be leaving the pointless orbit I seemed to be in but at the same time I wondered if I was making the right choice.

We live in interesting times indeed. Bill and I usually get our share of choice calls but as my time wound down we seemed to only pull the strange ones. The only remarkable call on my first week back after my suspension was a bum shitting on the sidewalk. As you might imagine, neither Bill nor myself wanted his stink in our car for the next month so we had him cleanup his own bio-hazardous excretion and sent him down the street toward Wilshire division. Let them deal with his shit, no pun intended.

The calls didn't get too much better. We broke up a chick fight when two prostitutes got into it over who owned the corner they were working. Bill, God bless him, knew both of the girls well. They resolved the dispute with out further complications as he recorded both of their phone numbers with a promise of them all getting together in the near future.

"Bill you can't go out with those two, they're whores."

"Only if they ask for money," he reminded me.

I couldn't fault his logic but still...

Saturday; "Nancy, call me." 

Sunday; "I know you're there, please pick up."

Monday; "Miss Moss, this is the finance company. We need to talk to you about the payment you missed on your car."

The last call got a quick response, "Quit harassing me you cocksucker."

Note to self; don't ask Nancy for money!

It became painfully obvious that she didn't have anything to say to me. I thought back to that night at the restaurant, she almost said something but at the last second she fell silent. I replayed the scene over in my mind. She said, what was it? She needed something, but what? 

Analytically speaking, I could conclude that she needed any of a number of things. An Alka-Seltzer perhaps? Nah, she didn't become ill until I told her I was leaving LA. Did she need me? Was that what she almost blurted? It took me ten days to sort out the clues, I guess that's why I'm not a detective.

Handcuffs or bullets weren't going to solve my problem with Nancy. I needed advice but Judas Priest, who did I know that knew anything about women. It was shockingly apparent that I didn't, and Bill? The only thing he knows about girls is how to get them out of their underwear.

Jamie listened patiently as I poured my heart out. If anyone could help it would be her. She knew where I was coming from but her top qualification was her gender.




Dark Blue



"Joe, you've told me a lot. You've explained what happened and why. You've even told me how you think she feels but what you haven't said is more important than all that other stuff."

I was confused and I must have looked it.

"Joe, Honey," she said taking my hand, "What needs to be established here is how Joe feels about all of this. What is it you want? That's what has you stumped. Where exactly does Doctor Moss fit into the Romanski equation."

"Well...we're friends...I guess," I said shrugging my shoulders.

"If that were truly the case Joe, why are you hurting the way you do?" she kissed my hand, "Joe, you're hard as nails and rough around the edges but there is a sweet caring side of you that not many ever get to see. You, you big dumb shit, are in love."

"Jamie, you scare the hell out me sometimes."

Imagine big bad Romanski has a sensitive side, who'd a thunk it? I don't know if I was buying the fact that I was pining inside for Nancy but the truth was I did feel hurt and I missed not having Nan to talk to but was it really love?

I tried to push my personal life into the shadows as Bill and I hit the streets each day. The radio calls kept coming and they got weirder. There was the call of a fight in progress on the set of a porn video shoot. When we arrived, a small Asian woman wielding a three foot long double headed dildo confronted Bill. He immediately pulled his baton, the leather-clad woman took offence and the fight was on. I stood and watched as the two used their weapons like a scene from an old pirate movie. Errol... I mean Bill, seemed to have the upper hand until he was stabbed in the nuts by her rubber saber. I intervened by lifting her off her feet from behind and wrestled her into the back of the patrol unit. 

My all time favorite came a few days later. Bill and I were dispatched to the scene of a motor vehicle accident at the off ramp of the Hollywood Freeway and Alvarado. On arrival, we found a van laid on its side. Nothing all too unusual at first glance, I'd witness hundreds of MVAs over the course of my career. I surveyed the scene while Bill radioed our arrival to the dispatch center. 

The driver was ejected from the vehicle and it appeared at first glance that his lower legs were pinned under the overturned van. The man was unconscious but didn't seem to be bleeding. His pulse was strong and he was breathing well. I'd noticed the handicap plate on the initial inspection but hadn't really put two and two together just yet. Upon closer inspection, it became clear the van was not really pinning the man's legs, he didn't have legs. That's when I remembered the handicap license plate and decided to have a little fun at my partner's expense.

When Bill kneeled beside me I shouted, "Fuck Bill, where are his legs!"

The look of shock on his face was priceless, a true MasterCard moment. Bill jumped to his feet and begun the relentless search for the man's missing appendages. Rescue was on the way and the patient was stable, Two more units had arrived for traffic control so I let Bill continue his snipe hunt. He looked high and low as his face contorted with desperation while his search led him nowhere.

I've never seen Bill so focused on a task. My poor buddy was right there when the tow truck up righted the overturned vehicle. The look of disappointment mixed with relief was all I could take. Bill took the news like a man and pouted for the rest of the day but I found great humor.

Making absolutely no headway with Nancy was making me desperate. The florist at the hospital was on my speed dial and starting to recognize my voice. I sent bouquet after bouquet, gawddamn that woman is hardheaded. 

If Jamie was right and I really was in love with Nancy, was it the kind of forever love that I couldn't live without? This was one of the questions that kept bouncing around in my head. The other, and more to the point was, what was I going to do about it? The wheels of progress for Joe's future had been set in motion already, could I stop them and did I want to? In a matter of a few short days, I would be unemployed and worse, homeless. I'd canceled the lease on my little house and the owner already had replacement tenants.

My last day on the job had come and my mind was somewhere else. As Bill and I hit the streets, he looked over knowing this was the final time we'd spend together in uniform.

"Maybe we'll have a quiet day," he said.

I glared at him, "What the fuck did you say that for? The last time you wished for a quiet day, we had an earthquake that measured eight on the Richter scale, asshole."

Frustrated, I finally decided to do something that I probably would live to regret for the rest of my life. All these foreign notions were too much for a simple guy like me, so grabbing the first idea that floated by me, I told Bill to take me to the hospital.

"Are you sick?"

"Yeah, sick in the head," I muttered.

"You want to talk?" he asked.

"Shut the fuck up and drive," I ordered.

After finding Nancy and cornering her in one of the exam rooms, I did what I came for.

"I don't want to talk to you Joe, can't you get that through your thick skull?" Nancy hissed.

"That's good because I don't want to hear a damn word from you right now. I've got something to say and you're gonna listen."

"I'll call security and have you removed," she threatened.

"Call 'em. I'll be done talking before they get here."

She folded her arms defiantly but stood silent.

In an unrehearsed fashion I continued, "I'm not gonna even try to tell you that I understand what happened, cause I don't. But a reliable source tells me that I'm in love with you and maybe you feel the same. If that's the case, we can't go on not speaking. I know you're mad at me but unless you can get over it and start communicating, we'll never know one way or the other." 

I studied her body language and she'd opened up substantially. 

"I've never really loved a woman so I'm in over my eyeballs Nan, I have no fucking clue what happens next. I've said what I had to say now the next step is yours."

I should have kissed her like they do in the movies but I didn't think of it. And despite the ugly way I had done it, I'd just told her I loved her, well kinda, so my brain was not hitting on all eight cylinders. I felt relief and at the same time I was more afraid than I'd ever been in my life. What if Jamie was wrong, what then?

Before Nancy could say a word I turned and left her to think about what she wanted. When I got back in the car Bill asked, "Feelin' better?"

I sunk down into the seat, "Nope."

"You wanna..."

I cut him short, "Shut up Bill, you talk too much."

The day couldn't end soon enough to suit me, my world was not mine anymore it was out of my hands.

"All units stand by for emergency traffic," I shot a burning look at Bill and waited for the bad news, "All available units respond code three to a two eleven silent," the radio announced.

I noted the address of the armed robbery in progress, "You just had to open your big mouth didn't you, dickweed."

Bill had jinxed our day as sure the sky was blue and he knew it. We were a few blocks away and I turned the siren off as we closed in on the bank where the silent alarm had been activated. Several other units were closing as well and the area would be effectively closed down in a couple of minutes. 

More likely than not we'd find the alarm was set off accidentally. This kind of thing happened all the time when some teller hit button with her knee but although most of the time this type of call was a wild goose chase, you had to treat each one as the real deal.

With only two hours left as a cop, I shouldn't be pulling my weapon. I should be back at the station telling war stories about what a great cop I was and how the remaining suckers would miss me when I was long gone. I should be eating a big slab of cake and wondering what was in the frosting. I shouldn't be wondering if this is what I should be doing.

As I came around the corner of the building, I got a bad feeling. Something was telling me that what I was looking at was wrong. There should be someone there to tell us it was a false alarm, the manager should be apologizing his ass off. The absence of people coming and going sent shivers down my spine. I signaled to Bill to stay quiet and stay low.

Raising my head to take a look was my first mistake. I was trying to look inside while two armed men burst through the door on the run. They turned straight toward Bill and I and were almost instantly behind us before we could react. Now, instead of being the lead, I was Bill's backup.

"Not this time," I thought. Not on my last day. Bill is a good cop but this is different, these guys had guns not pool cues. As the two gunmen ran, I yelled to Bill, "THE CAR, GET THE CAR!" I took off in foot pursuit.

The next words out of my mouth were, "FREEZE, POLICE OFFICER," which of course no one ever obeys. 

The area was well covered by our guys for an escape by car but these assholes had to get cute and try legging it out. With my size, you wouldn't think me much of a runner but I'd surprise you on that count. I caught the first guy within half a block and with my hand on his back, steered him into a power pole at a dead run. I left him sprawled on the sidewalk for Bill to secure and continued the foot chase hardly missing a step.

The other suspect was fast and agile and I barely kept pace. After a few blocks, he looked back but I was still there like a pit bull on his ass. I heard sirens in the vicinity and the whir and thump of a helicopter overhead. 

Conditioning was paying off and by then I was gaining ground. The guy was about fifty yards ahead of me and running out of steam. I figured I'd have his ass in another block or so and that's when I made my second mistake.

I was too focused on the chase and didn't see the car coming down the side street as we crossed. A two hundred-forty-pound man struck by a three thousand-pound car, can you guess who won. Physics dictates that it wasn't me. I careened of the front fender and smashed almost through the windshield into the driver's compartment of the car. I struggled to get off the car but my legs were of no use. There was blood pouring into my eyes and my chest felt like it was ready to explode as I fought to breathe.

If all this weren't bad enough, I had a new and more immediate problem. Standing alongside the car and laughing was the prick I'd been chasing. He seemed to find great joy in my predicament and had his pistol aimed at my chest.

He panted from exertion but managed to blurt, "You're gonna die now pig."

The term pig had gone out before I'd even joined the force and the mere thought of dying at the hands of a punk that used this archaic euphemism infuriated me. My thumb twitched once on the safety of my Glock and yes it was still in my hand, an officer never gives up his weapon. 

As he aimed his revolver toward me, my thought was of anger management and that son of a bitch Exley. I couldn't do the deep breathing exercise, hell I couldn't breathe at all. Count to ten? No way, this would all play out in the blink of an eye, "Relieve the stress, that's way my way out of this," I thought to myself. There was only one choice and I made it calmly and not out of anger.

One shot to the throat and one to the chest was the best I could manage. I got off three rounds and could smell the burning gunpowder before I lost consciousness. I opened my eyes a couple of times, once to see Bill with tears dripping down his cheeks and again in the emergency room.

Things were happening too fast to comprehend, as I only caught bits and pieces of the organized chaos to save my life. I could make out one voice though.

"Joe, you're gonna be okay, don't give up," Nancy cried.

"Fine fuc... fuckin' time... to... decide to talk to me..." I rasped.

"Don't try to speak now Joe," came her soothing reply.

Breathing was nearly impossible, my chest was on fire until I felt the sharp stabbing pain where the chest tube was inserted. Relief was instantaneous, I could breathe again.

"Nance, don't leave me," I gasped.

"Never Joe." 

I hadn't counted on spending my first few weeks of retirement in the hospital but better there than the morgue. My body was bruised and broken and Nancy was there for me night and day. At times she would care for me tenderly and lovingly and when I thought I couldn't take the pain any more, she came down hard like a marine drill sergeant. She was tough on me but I never resented her, knowing it was all done out of love.

My legs had been pinned and screwed back together and the cuts to my face sutured. I hated peeing into a bottle and well, the bedpan deal; I don't even want to talk about that. The worst part though was the food. Did you ever try and get a chilidog in a hospital? But that's where my buddy Bill came through for me. Even Nancy let him slip me a decent meal once in a while. Hey, it's amazing how much that grease helps the healing process.

When release from confinement was imminent, I worried where I would go. I had no house any more and living in Bill's den of inequity was out of the question. Nancy solved that problem before she even knew it was a concern to me. Taking charge, my things were moved to her place and it was decided for me that I would recuperate under her personal care, not that I minded. This was a big step for Nancy and I. The last woman I'd cohabited with was my mother and as you can imagine, that was over twenty years ago. 

Rebuilding Romanski was not a pleasant thing but it was happening none the less. I assumed that once the casts were cut away from my battered limbs that I would be the same old Joe. Wrong, wrong, wrong, it frustrated the hell out of me that I had to learn to walk again. "Baby steps," Nancy would say. Those words made me want to run just to prove her wrong and the harder I tried the worse I failed. Each time that she asked me to take it easy I rebelled and worked harder. 

This strategy didn't last long however. After a particularly nasty fall one day when Nancy was out, I found myself stranded. Lying on the cold hard bedroom floor for several hours made me realize that Nancy wasn't my problem, I was. I'd made her the bad guy in my life because I didn't like being told what to do. 

Being called an asshole by nearly everyone in my life had never fazed me before but when you realize it's true, it upsets your equilibrium. That time had come for me, I was being stubborn and pigheaded but most of all, unappreciative. 

I felt like the lowest of the low for the way I had been behaving and I cried tears for the first time since my mom had died. When Nancy found me crying on the floor, she immediately came to me to comfort me.

"I'm sorry Nance," I sobbed.

"Baby, you don't have to be sorry for crying," she soothed.

"It's not that, I'm sorry for fighting you every step of the way. I'm truly sorry Nancy, I don't deserve you."

She stroked my cheek and washed away the tears in an instant. Finally I knew the feeling of love. I recognized it for what it was and knew that things would work out okay.

Things did work out, I started to heal and could walk again. There was some pain and I had a limp but with time they would vanish. We talked about the future and that's where we had our first fight, as a couple that is.

"We're going and that's final."

"What if I don't want to move to Seattle."

"We have to, we've got to get out of this city."

"I don't think the timing is right, can't we talk about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about, I've made up my mind."

"So you're telling me I have no say in the matter?"

"That's about the size of it."

So with great confusion, I gave in and agreed with Nancy that we should go. Huh? You thought it was me that wanted out didn't you? I did, but not without Nancy. The way I felt though, If she wanted to live in Jackoffistan, that was fine by me.

When the U-haul-it was loaded, I stood at the back of the truck. My leg throbbed and my limp was a little worse than it had been a few hours before. 

"You sure about this?" I asked, giving Nancy one last chance to change her mind.

"I'm sure," she nodded.

"Okay then, let's get this traveling cluster-fuck on the road."

I had a feeling of déjà vu as I watched the city disappear in my rearview mirror. It was the same as the day I boarded the plane from Saudi. The shooting was over now and the further we went, the safer I felt. 

"Nance," I said as LA became just a memory, "I don't want you to think that because you got away with telling me what to do this time, that I gonna make a habit of doing any thing you say."

She studied my face before she spoke, "Right Romanski, you just keep on repeating that to yourself, now shut up and drive, you talk too much."

As the miles clicked by, I considered what had transpired in the past couple of months, the pain and the way it had brought me to my knees. What would have happened if the woman next to me hadn't been there to remind me to take "baby steps" and not over do it?

I'd been taking baby steps way too long, it was time for big Joe to get back in the game. At the next exit I turned the truck east.

"You're going the wrong way," Nancy astutely pointed out.

"Yeah, probably."

We pulled into Reno a little after noon. This place, known for divorces, was not the perfect setting for what I was about to do but it would work. Nancy had given up questioning me as had taken the fifth and refused to answer on the grounds that I may incriminate myself.

Like a man on a mission, I secured an expensive suite at the nicest hotel. Nancy was impressed but naturally suspicious as we checked out our accommodations.

"This is great Joe but..."

"No buts," I said as I adjusted the water temperature on the giant Jacuzzi.

I stripped Nancy to the buff and helped her into the ocean of suds, "Okay now, just relax for a while and I'll be back before you know it and don't forget to shave your legs," I told her.

"Where are you going? I'll come with you."

"Not like that you won't," I said shutting the door behind me.

The first joint I stopped at left my bank account about eight grand in the hole. They were friendly though and told me where to try my luck next. The next place was considerably gentler on my wallet, only about three grand, but it took a while. 

It had been about four hours since I'd left the hotel. When I opened the door to the room, I got just what I'd expected, a pissed off Nancy. I set the souvenirs from my little spending spree on the bed.

Before she got her fuse lit I asked, "Did you shave your legs like I asked?"

"I did," she answered curtly.

I was opening boxes as she glared at me, "Good, then put these on," I handed her a pair very sheer extremely sexy silk stockings.

She looked at me in disgust, "If you think that this makes up for your little stunt..."

I held up the handmade lace garter belt, "And this."

"Joe, what the hell is all of this, some kind of kinky sex fantasy?"

I shoved the matching lace bustier in her direction, "No girl of mine is getting married in shorts and T shirt."

"Married!" she screamed.

She started to pay a little closer attention to the other packages. Soon she was ripping the boxes open to find the treasures inside. I'd almost had to hold a gun to the sales lady to get all of this done in such a short time. It had taken most of my skills to get all of the sizes correct but I had. They'd assured me that anything and everything a bride should have was included in the kit, down to the flowers.

"This one's mine," I said holding the tuxedo jacket up for inspection, "You like it?"

She never answered my question but the tears of joy said it all. After scooping up the remainder of her bridal ensemble, she scurried away to the bathroom and disappeared for over an hour.




Dark Blue



I was still trying to get the hang of the bow tie when Nancy finally opened the door.

"Well?" she questioned.

"Fawk me," was all I could manage. She was decked out in white satin and lace.

"Oh I will Joe, believe me I will," she purred.

She straightened my tie and at nineteen thirty hours, I, Joe Romanski said "affirmative" when asked if I would take this woman to be his lawfully wedded wife. Nancy used the more traditional response, "I will". I slid the diamond ring, that had made my credit card groan, onto her outstretched finger and kissed the hell out of the woman that I'd gladly die for.