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Christmas Blessings

By: Daniellekitten



I've had so many emails asking me to please repost this story. So to all of you who loved it, here you go. Thanks so much for the emails and the wonderful comments.

* * *

"Please God, can my mommy come home and visit for Christmas?"

The words, uttered in the sweetest voice of the curly haired blonde little girl, tore at her father's heart. Nathan could feel a thickness in the back of his throat and tears mist in his eyes as he stared at his youngest daughter kneeling beside her bed staring through the window at one of the brightest star in the heavens, the North Star.

His wife, Kendra, had passed away from breast cancer just a little before Christmas the year before, leaving him a widower with three children all under the age of ten. Michael, the oldest, was eight, his carbon copy, and had stood stoic and silent, his hand holding his sister's tightly as he watched his mother's casket being slowly lowered into the ground. Katie was six, the image of her mother, with red hair and green eyes and a scattering of freckles across her tip tilted nose. She had cried for days, not understanding why her mother had been taken, why she couldn't be there Christmas morning as she had been for every year of her young life.

And little Meghan, his tiny angel, was four. With her big blue eyes and curly tow head, she reminded him of the glass Christmas angel his grandmother had brought with her from Germany, carefully wrapped in layers of shawls against the rough sea crossing. That same Angel that would grace the tree that he and the kids would trim in the next couple of days.

"Okay, Meggie my love. In to bed you go," his voice was a little husky but his smile was wide and genuine. He scooped up the precious package in his arms, listening to her tiny voice giggle as he swung her up and around in a circle before scooting her under the covers of the pretty pink bed in her pretty pink room. He sat down next to her, buzzing the side of her neck with his lips to make her giggle.

"Brush your teeth?" he asked, suddenly all serious.

"Yes, Daddy," his precious angel smiled widely, showing off tiny white teeth.

Nathan made a production of checking them, his face serious as he moved to see at all angles. "Okay. Looks good. No bedbugs?"

Meghan scooted under the covers, lifting them high and giggling as she wiggled her toes. "Right there, Daddy. Right there."

Nathan grabbed her two small feet and tickled her ten toes for a second, finishing the routine that they had established after months of tears and sorrow. When Katie and Michael's grades started slipping and Meghan started having bad dreams, he knew he had to snap out of his own misery and see to his children. He'd done so with a sense of wonder that he'd never thought to feel, watching his children, getting to know them and to get involved in their lives. And even with his ever increasing work load and the importance of the job that he held as Chief of Staff at the Meriden General Hospital, he always managed to make it home for these important times.

He kissed Meggie good night and turned off her bedside light, closing the door all but a few inches so that she could still have a bit of light from the tiny one he'd put in the hallway and turned to go to Katie's room.

She was sitting on the bed, brushing the long golden hair of her favorite doll. "Now, Amber, when we get up on Christmas morning, you gotta be quiet cuz daddy can hear everything. We wanna surprise him and.."

Before he could wreck their surprise by hearing it, he tapped at the paneled door.

"Ready for bed, Katie girl?"

Katie dropped both the brush and Amber and jumped up to race to her handsome daddy. She jumped into his arms, and wrapped her own around his neck tightly as he swung her around.

"I was worried, daddy. I thought you wouldn't make it home tonight. The weather man said we're gonna have a big snowstorm all night and all day tomorrow." 

Nathan couldn't help but smile down at his little worrier. She made it her job to find out the weather, the road conditions, even traffic conditions on days when he was late leaving because of some major family catastrophe, such as Michael's lost homework. She reminded him so much of his late wife. Right after Kendra's funeral he'd had trouble looking at her, seeing his wife in every move, every facial expression, each nuance of Katie's being. When he'd realized what he had done, he'd been horrified that he had hurt the fragile little girl. 

He carried her into the pastel colored room that was slowly being weaned from dolls and carriages, and turned into a horse crazed young girl's room. She had a new poster, a picture of what she'd recently decided she wanted to be when she grew up. She wanted to ride horses, to jump them and go to the Olympics. And he planned to help her dream, starting with the pony that he had gotten her for Christmas.

He pulled back the covers before gently dropping her into them, retrieving Amber and setting the brush on the dresser. Amber went under the covers next to Katie.

He pushed Katie's curly burnished tresses from her small face. "Katie, I'd always make it home to you." He tickled her a little to get her to smile. "Now, did you say your prayers?"

Katie nodded solemnly, taking this nightly ritual seriously. "Yes, daddy, and I blessed everyone, including Michael." She squinched up her face in disgust as she said his name, Nathan bit back a smile.

"That just proves what a big person you are inside, darling. Teeth brushed?" He did grin when she pulled her mouth open wide with two fingers, showing him every one of her white teeth. "Very nice, Katie. Now what would happen if you froze like that, you'd scare people silly for years and years." She giggled as he'd hoped she would. "Any homework?" 

"Daddy, we don't have school til next year. You know that."

"No school?" he managed to look properly horrified. "All you little rug rats loose on the world? Oh no."

She giggled again and sat up, hugging Nathan and buzzing a sweet kiss on his cheek. "I love you, Daddy."

He held her close, experiencing that warm bubble feeling he'd had earlier with Meghan, a gladness that he hadn't let his own sorrow hurt his little ones. "I love you too, Katie bug." He squeezed once more and tucked her in, turning off the night table light and turning away. He paused when she called his name sleepily. "Daddy?"

"Yes, baby."

"Did you remember that Maria is leaving to go home for Christmas tomorrow?"

His little worrier, he thought again with a small smile. "Yes, baby. I took time off work, remember. I'm staying home with you guys until she comes back."

He heard her roll over and sigh as he turned to close the door. "Good."

The light was on under Michael's door and he knocked, waiting until he heard a reply before coming in. Michael was his image, just as Katie was her mother's. He hadn't hit a growth spurt, but was tall for his age, with dark hair that just teased at being black but in the light shown with red highlights. He had a long face, with big blue eyes that lit up when anything having to do with cars or baseball was mentioned in a conversation. He was still at the cute stage, not old enough to have yet developed into the handsome man he would become.

Michael turned from his computer, the game that he had been playing still making noises behind him.

"Bedtime, Michael." Nathan said, his head just poking through the door. He believed in giving his children privacy and wouldn't intrude unless invited in.

"Just a few more minutes, dad? Jimmy just got online and he just started his game. I'm helping him through some of it." Jimmy was Michael's best friend and a constant addition to Nathan's family.

"Okay, don't forget your teeth?" He saw Michael smile and wave before he closed the door again.

Nathan walked down the hallway and took the curved stairs that lead down to the formal entryway. The entryway opened up in two directions, one went to the living room, the other curved around and lead back to the kitchen. There were three doorways in this section and Nathan turned into his home office. He'd brought home work to do while he was gone, different propositions and scheduling problems that would start in the new year to deal with.

None of that held his attention tonight. He thought of the paperback he'd picked up on his way home, the newest offering from his favorite author, but even that didn't seem to tempt him. Instead, he sat in the silence of his office and picked up the picture he kept on his desk of Kendra and himself, taken when they were on their honeymoon. They'd taken a backpacking trip up through Yellowstone National Park, camping out under the stars and making love in a single person sleeping bag. 

He could remember laughter and love during that trip, the funny positions they'd managed to get into in that sleeping bag as they'd tried to pleasure each other. Kendra's laughter had rung clear and beautiful in the cool mountain air. 

He stared at the picture, seeing her sweet smile, her laughing green eyes, the glow of good health on her skin. And his mind superimposed the last time he had seen her, her eyes listless in pain and sorrow, her cheeks pale and hollow from all the weight she had lost. She'd been laying in a hospital bed, too weak to even pick up her head as he'd ushered the children out to take them home. Before he could make it back to the hospital, his cell phone had rung and he had known. It was like a punch in the gut or maybe lower, a good kick in the balls, that hollowed out feeling of loss and grief. 

He shook his head, clearing his mind of that image that was almost a year old now but seemed like yesterday. Nathan still missed her, still thought about her daily, the things he wanted to tell her, the way she made him feel. They'd had the perfect marriage, love and sex wrapped up by their three kids. If only she'd gone to the doctor when she'd first found the lump. If only she'd told him, instead of waiting until she started feeling sick. If only...

If only she hadn't died.

He sighed deeply and sat the picture down just as Maria, the housekeeper-nanny he'd hired after Kendra's death came to the door.

"I'm leaving now, sir. I'm going to stay at my friend's house in town tonight just in case this storm does come through. Is there anything I can get you before I go?" The tiny woman was wrapped warmly in a long woolen coat and muffler. She'd been a God send, taking over care of the kids when he'd been too wrapped in his own misery to see them. She'd managed them, the house, and him, he thought with a wry grin, the way a good general did his troops. No nonsense attitude tempered with praise and affection.

"No, Maria. I'm set, thank you. Enjoy your trip." He stood and handed her the envelope he'd prepared earlier, a very nice Christmas bonus along with a pay raise. "Merry Christmas, Maria."

She goggled at the amount on the check and stammered her thanks and a swift Merry Christmas before hurrying out to where the cab was waiting impatiently beeping its horn. He watched for a second from the front door as the cab turned onto the narrow, twisting road that lead down to the city then closed and locked the door and went back to his office.

Alone now, except for the sleeping children, he turned off the desk lamp and stared out the big picture window behind his desk. The house was built upon a hillside that overlooked a lake and just beyond the lake, his city. He loved watching the lights at night, especially at this time of year, when the city just seemed to sparkle with color. He stared blindly out that window, not noting the passage of time as his thoughts ranged into the past.

When it started snowing, he didn't know. He did know when the wind picked up and started to howl, slashing icy snow across the window and blocking the view of the lights of the city. He looked at the clock, he'd been sitting in the dark for close to three hours. Nathan stood and stretched, clicked off the gas jets on the fireplace and headed upstairs. He checked each child, cautiously peeking in the doors to see their sleeping forms.

Finally he ended in his room. The master suite was big, something that he had wanted from the time when he and Kendra had shared their first tiny apartment sized bedroom with Michael's crib. He had quickly gotten tired of stubbing his toes and vowed that one day they would have this huge bedroom. Now he used it alone.

He took a quick shower in the adjoining bath room and walked naked back to the bed, only throwing on a pair of boxers in case any of the kids decided to crawl in with him in the middle of the night.

He could hear the wind howling around the eaves outside his window and the occasional slashing of the icy snow that drifted and blew. The muffled thump of the furnace turning on and the whoosh of the fan blowing heat into the rooms was comforting. He climbed into his side of the queen size bed, pulling the silky sheet and heavy comforter over himself and turned toward the empty side. Saying a sleepy goodnight to his wife, he touched his fingers to his lips with a kiss and placed it upon her pillow. He fell asleep with his hand still there, remembering what it was like to hold her in his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning started earlier than he expected with an insistent tugging upon his arm. His eyes opened slowly and blinked, staring into blue ones that were closer than he expected.

"Ahhh!" His hand came up and rubbed his chest as he let heaved a big breath. "Meggie, baby. Don't scare daddy like that."

Meghan giggled and then climbed onto the bed. "Daddy, it's all white outside. Michael can't get the door opened cuz something's stuck against it."

"What's stuck? Snow?" He squirmed over under her weight, until he was on his back looking up.

"No, Michael says it's a lady. He thinks she's dead."

Nathan sat up and stared in confusion at his daughter. "Would you run that by me again, baby?"

"Michael went to go outside and the door won't open, he says he can see long hair in the snow." She cocked her head at her father, a frown crossing her face. "Do you think it's an angel, daddy? Maybe one got lost in the snow last night and crashed against our house like the birds do sometimes?"

Nathan got out of his bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt, pulling them on while Meghan kept talking. He slid his feet into his slippers and hurried down the stairs with Meghan following along behind keeping up a continual running chatter.

Michael and Katie were standing at the front door looking outside the side panels at the lump of white that was in front of the door. Nathan took a quick look as well, seeing the huge drifts of snow, the ice hanging off the trees in glistening white fangs in the dim light. The bundle of white in front of the door moved slightly and Nathan saw long blonde hair flowing along the snow.

"Okay, kids, get back. Let me get the door opened. Michael, you take your sisters into the other room for right now, okay?" He pulled on the door, feeling it give as the ice that had froze in the cracks creaked under his strength. He made sure the kids were back and tugged harder until it suddenly gave and the door swung wide.

Across the snowy front porch was a lump of white. Nathan leaned down carefully, shivering a little in the icy wind and touched the mound of snow. It moaned and moved and suddenly he could see blue tinged skin under long blonde hair. The lump was a girl.

"Oh, my God," he breathed, hurrying to bend down and pick the girl up. "Michael, Katie!" He lifted her in his arms, expecting heaviness. She seemed so light and frail, almost ethereal under the wet clothes that covered her.

Michael and Katie came running from the living room, excitement in their faces. "Who is she, daddy?" Katie asked.

"I don't know but she's very cold. I need you to go get the spare blankets out of the closet, okay?" He took her toward his office and the long leather couch in there. The fireplace would put out a lot of heat and it was important to get her warm. "Bring them into the den, okay kids?" Michael took off with his sister following along as fast her shorter legs would take her. They returned by the time Nathan had placed his frozen bundle on the sofa and flipped the switch that started the gas jet in the fireplace. The fire roared to life, sending out instant heat. 

Nathan took one of the blankets Michael handed him, spreading it out along the back of the couch. He told Michael to dump the rest over by the fireplace. He had to get the frozen clothes off of her.

"Uh, kids? Why don't you three go in and see what we have that we can make this lady to eat when she wakes up. Check in the pantry or the freezer and see if Maria has any soup." Meghan watched as her brother and sister hurried past her, following at a slower pace, constantly looking back over her shoulder.

Nathan pulled at the frozen buttons on her thin coat, finally managing to get them undone and lift her enough to pull it out from under her. He unwrapped the woolen muffler that had been wrapped over her mouth and chin, pulling the ice encrusted fabric away from her blue skin. She wasn't shivering, a very bad sign. Her hair was frozen and he carefully spread that behind her starting, to pull on the buttons on the sweater she wore under her coat.

The skin that he exposed reminded him of a story that he had read when he was a kid. This is what he thought the Ice Queen from CS Lewis' Narnia would look like. Her skin was smooth and sleek, cold to the touch and tinged just a hint of blue under her paleness. Her breasts were full and round under a plain white cotton bra. Her stomach was flat with a toned look that made him think that whoever she was, she took care of herself.

He pulled the sweater off of her arms, leaving the bra while he wrapped her upper half in one of the blankets Michael had put near the fire to warm. Then he started on her feet.

Her shoes were cheap, generic brand tennis shoes. They were no match for the weather outside, providing absolutely no protection against the cold and wet. The socks he pulled off her feet were frozen and clung to her skin. He dropped them on top of the pile of wet clothes he'd already taken off of her.

He hesitated before starting on her pants, feeling a little strange about stripping the woman. He didn't even know her and he had already seen more skin from her than he had any other woman in the almost 18 months since his wife's illness had made it impossible for them to make love anymore.

Nathan scolded himself mentally. The woman was frozen solid. She could become very ill. He had to get her warm. He pulled at the button at the top of the slacks and pulled the zipper down then gently tugged the slacks down her long legs. He left her in the tiny scrap of lace women called underwear and wrapped her in a blanket, using the last one by the fire to wrap firmly around her feet, then pulled the one from the back of the couch to spread over all the others. He'd just finished and had turned to pick up her wet clothes when Meghan touched his jean clad leg.

"Daddy, Michael found some soup." 

He kissed his little girl on the top of her head, picking up the tennis shoes in one hand and the rest of her clothing in the other. "Thanks, baby. Tell him to leave it on the counter." She hurried out of the room and Nathan yelled after her, "And have him grab me a bath towel too, please."

He took the clothing, shaking them out. The pants had two pockets and he checked them carefully, searching for a clue as to her identity. Nothing. A search of her sweater showed no pockets. He went through her coat, finding a roll of antacids and a wad of Kleenex in one pocket and a handful of crumpled one dollar bills in the other. She had no gloves, no keys, no identification. Where had she come from and how had she ended up on his door?


Christmas Blessings



He went back to her, taking the towel that Michael had dropped into his hands and wrapping it around her hair that was starting to unfreeze in the heat of the fire. He picked up the blankets carefully, pulling her hands out. No rings, no lines where rings could have been on her long slender fingers. He hurriedly covered her back up when he heard the children coming back into the room.

Michael led the group. "Dad, I got out the soup and put it on the counter. Who is she?"

"Yeah, daddy. Who is the blue lady?" Katie's little voice chimed in.

Nathan put his fingers up to his lips to shush the children, pointing to where she lay still unconscious. He shooed them out of the room, going with them into the kitchen to start breakfast. 

They ate with the usual chaos and giggles from the girls and then all three kids helped with the clean up while Nathan started heating the container of frozen homemade soup that Maria had put up. He checked on their guest, changing the towel around her hair and checking to make sure she was warm. She didn't move but her breathing seemed easier, her skin warmer. Her coloring improved and he checked her fingers and toes, looking for frostbite. 

Her fingers and toes were pink, no tinges or any sign of any problems that he could see. All he needed was for her to wake up.

While they waited, Nathan went to call the hospital. He knew the road out front would be impassable, and it was still snowing. It could be a few days before they could get medical help here and he wanted to make sure he was doing everything he could to get their unexpected guest better.

He picked up the phone and hit the on button, and got nothing but static. Going to the wall phone in the kitchen got him nothing but dead air. He tried his cell phone, but the blizzard was causing interference and he could barely make out the sounds of voices before the signal cut out on him all together.

"Well," he sighed, staring down at the quietly sleeping woman, "I guess we're on our own for right now. It would sure be nice if you'd wake up and tell me who you were." He checked her skin again for warmth, rearranging the blankets so that she seemed to rest more comfortably. Unwrapping the second towel from around her head, he finger combed her hair, amazed by the silky texture and the white blonde color. 

He found himself stroking her hair while he stared at her face, noticing her features now that he wasn't trying to get her warm or take care of his children. She had a heart shaped face, long dark lashes resting on creamy cheeks. Her mouth was full and pursed in her sleep, almost as if she were expecting a kiss. She reminded him of one of Meghan's story books. Grimm's Fairytales, his mind clicked on the story having read it so many times in the past. She looked as if she stepped out of the picture of Sleeping Beauty and into his den to sleep on his couch while she waited for a kiss from her Prince.

He shook his head at his fanciful thoughts, realizing that she had him seeing queens and princesses. The next thing he knew, he'd be willing to go out and fight dragons for her. He looked up as Katie came to the doorway, her fingers pressed over her lips in an exaggerated hushing movement. She waggled her other hand at him frantically and he went to join his children for their first day of his vacation.

He checked on her regularly through the day, making sure she stayed warm. Her skin grew rosy and he covered her with only two blankets but she still didn't wake up. He fed the children dinner, and got them in bed, and she still hadn't opened her eyes.

He sat at his desk, the lamp on, listening to the wind howling outside and the snow hitting the windows as it continued to come down, while he tried to concentrate on work. When he realized he'd read the same paragraph over five times and still had no idea what was being said, he gave up. He swiveled his chair around, staring out into the winter wonderland that God was creating.

The blizzard had given up some of it's fury but it still kept a toe in the door, snow falling and the wind kicking up breezy little drifts that began to look like whitecaps on the water. The edges of the windows were caked with snow and long icicles decorated the trees and the eaves. He could make out the lights of the city through the snow now, the Christmas lights glowing cheerily dotted throughout.

He leaned back, getting comfortable as he listened to his home settle for the night. It creaked and groaned and let our a very small feminine moan.

His head turned as he heard the small voice again and he saw his new houseguest, her eyes blinking, her long, slender hand pressed against her head. She moaned again and tried to sit up, the blankets falling off her shoulders and down to her waist. Nathan hurried over to her.

"Whoa, take it easy for a minute." His hand went to her shoulder, touching warm soft skin. "You've been out all day."

She no longer looked like the Ice Queen, he thought. His eyes seemed drawn to her, roaming with a willfulness that he was unable to control over her slim curves and full breasts. Her skin was pale, but no longer that dreadful icy blue color, and smooth and sleek. He felt an involuntary reaction to her nearness that shocked him and pulled him from his thoughts. He grabbed one of the other blankets from behind her and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Let's keep you warm," he said, tucking it in gently. 

She looked at him in confusion, her sky blue eyes hazy with pain. "Where am I?" 

"You're in my home," he said gently, sitting down next to her so she didn't have to keep looking up at him. "My name's Nathan Carter. My children found you on our front door steps this morning." He grinned a little as she looked still confused. "My youngest thought you might be an angel that flew into the house in the storm."

Her eyes studied the room, squinting a little as her hand explored the side of her head. Nathan couldn't help but notice the grimace of pain as he was watching her intently. He turned on the overhead lights, coming back to squat in front of her. Gently, he pushed her hand down and separated the silky strands of hair to reveal a nice sized lump just above her ear. "Ouch," he said in sympathy. "Maybe you did run into the house. Sit there and I'll get you some ice."

He was back in minutes, holding an ice bag that he wrapped a towel around and then squatted in front of her once more to hold it against her head. She hissed in pain, but didn't try to move away, her eyes staring into his.

"I'm sorry, it's going to hurt a bit." Her eyes were lovely, he thought. Even dulled by pain, the huge eyes fringed with thick dark lashes were exquisite. They stared up at his with such trust. He mentally shook himself. "Okay, I've told you mine, what's your name?"

Her eyes narrowed in concentration, her face squinched up a little like Katie's did when she was really thinking. 

"I...I don't know," she finally answered. "How can I not know my name?"

Her answer threw him. He'd expected to hear a story of a car in the ditch with a family probably frantic with worry over her right now, not this. "Amnesia? Do you remember anything?"

She turned even paler and he gently pushed her back onto the couch so she was leaning back. He took her hand and put it around the ice bag, letting her hold it against his head while he pulled the coffee table back towards him and sat on it, leaning towards her. "What's the first thing you can remember?"

"Being warm. And...and opening my eyes to see you sitting in the chair over there." 

"What about before that?"

Her eyes closed tightly and she gave a little moan, her brow wrinkling in pain. "I... I don't know, it hurts to think about it." She opened her eyes staring up at him in panic. "It's like a wall someone put there. When I try to go around it, it hurts."

"Well, then, don't try." He patted her on the knee. "What you need is rest and some food. And we can take care of both of those." He stood and moved towards the door. "You stay right there and relax and I'll be back with some soup, okay?"

He hurried up the stairs first, checking the kids quickly before rushing into his room. He yanked open some drawers and found a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt for her, both probably impossibly huge but better than what she was wearing. With those in hand and a brush, he hurried down to the kitchen, ladling a bowl of the soup he'd left to stay warm on the stove. Carrying both, he went back to his befuddled guest.

Nathan sat the soup mug down on the coffee table and laid the clothing on the sofa next to her. "You might be more comfortable with some clothes on instead of just that blanket. I brought you some of mine. They'll be a bit too big." A lot too big, he thought. She was such a little thing.

He stood there holding the brush in his hand. She looked up at him and then at the clothes.

"Oh, yes. I'll just give you some...uh...privacy then. I'll be right outside." He handed her the brush and left the room, shutting the pocket doors behind him. He stood there, his back to the doors, his eyes shut, wondering why he felt so shaky inside. Okay, she was beautiful, she was vulnerable, and she had the body of a Greek goddess. That was no reason to go to pieces. His body hadn't reacted to a woman like this since...

He thought back over the last few months, the months since his wife's death. At first, he had been so caught up in his grief that he hadn't even thought of other women. After that, well, he just hadn't found anyone to catch his attention. 

He heard a small shriek and a thump and hurried back into the room. She'd managed to pull on the sweatshirt, the sleeves hanging well below her hands, the hem riding down her thighs, but when she'd gotten up to pull on the sweat pants, her feet had gotten twisted in the blankets and she'd fallen, landing in a heap of tangled material and hair on the floor.

He helped her up, holding her elbow to steady her as she stood swaying a little. He looked down at her, his body instantly aware of everything about her. Her scent teased his nose, something he hadn't noticed before while he worried about her freezing to death. She smelled spicy and very enticing. His eyes roamed over her legs, the long, firm expanse of them. He could see the firm swells of her breasts pressing against the soft material of the shirt.

He realized he was staring and quickly helped her get untangled, standing back then and turning around so she could finish dressing.

"You can look now," she said in a low voice.

She looked a little strange standing there in his clothing, the sweatshirt sleeves rolled many times to uncover her hands, the pant of the sweats bagging over to cover her feet. It made her look tiny and young, more like one of his children then the beautiful woman he knew her to be.

Nathan went to his desk, putting the length of the room and the expanse of his desk between himself and the beautiful stranger. "You should eat, while it's still warm. Then I'll take you upstairs to the guest room and you can get some sleep."

She picked up the bowl and started eating, only realizing after it was half gone that she was wolfing down the food like a starved animal. "Oh, I'm sorry." A delicate flush tinged her cheeks. "You must think I have no manners."

Nathan was enchanted. "No, I think you were hungry."

She drank some more of the soup, holding the mug in both hands to warm them. "This is very good. Did your wife make it?"

"No. My wife passed away last year."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

There was silence in the room and Nathan realized he was holding him breath. He relaxed. "You can't remember anything? What you were doing out here? How you got here?"

She put down the mostly empty mug and sat back. Closing her eyes she tried again to break down the wall that seemed determined to block in her memories. "I remember voices, a little girl. And being cold, so very, very cold. Then I remember waking up to you." She squinted her eyes willing herself to remember and felt the pressure in her head start to throb. "When I try, it hurts."

"Okay, so we won't try and we'll just see how things go. For right now, though. It looks like you're my house guest." He gestured out the window where he could still see the snow drifting down. "Nothing's moving out there until the snow stops and the plows can get out. So relax and rest. How about I show you to your room?"

She stood and felt dizzy, putting her hand out as the room swam and dark spots danced in front of her eyes.

Nathan was there instantly, grabbing her hand and putting a supporting arm around her waist. "Easy does it, you've had quite a couple of days."

"Maybe I'd better just stay down here on the couch. I don't know if I could make it..."

He picked her up gently in his arms, shifting her easily. 

"What are you..."

"It's okay, just consider me a pack mule." He smiled, trying to be reassuring although he wasn't feeling that way. Her breasts pressed against his chest and her arms wrapped around his neck. Her scent seem to envelop him in enticing waves. He could feel the warmth of her under her clothes and he couldn't help remembering what she had looked like without them. Before his straying thoughts could get him into trouble, he hurried up the stairs and past the kids room down to the door at the end of the hall and across from his own suite.

He let her open the door and then carefully set her down, turning on the light so that she could see around the room. His wife had decorated this room, using pale creams and sunny yellows to brighten it and make it seem bigger. They'd talked about redoing it into a nursery when they talked about having another child but had never gotten past the talking stage. Now, seeing the sunny daisy border along the top of the wall and the matching comforter made Nathan a little sad.

"This is beautiful," she said, sitting down on the four poster full sized bed. Her hand smoothed the soft cotton comforter, enjoying the silky feeling fabric. 

Nathan nodded his thanks. "The bathroom is right down the hall and there are clean towels in there. Do you need help?"

She shook her head, still feeling a little out of breath from the strength of his arms and the effortless way he had carried her throughout the house and up the stairs. "I can manage." 

He turned then, "I'm just across the hall if you need anything. Sleep as long as you like, I'll try to keep the goof troop quiet in the morning."

"N...Nathan?"

He looked back at her as she was standing next to the bed holding onto one of the spindles. "Yes?"

"Thank you for..." The words escaped her for a moment and she made a gesture with her arm. "I guess, for everything."

He smiled then, and wished her a good night.

~~~~~~~~~

He woke slowly in the morning, feeling rested but confused. Something wasn't quite right but he wasn't sure what it was. Then he glanced at the clock. Nine a.m. "Wait, nine!" Meghan should have been in here two hours ago waking him up. He kicked off the comforter and jumped into his jeans, racing down the stairs while pulling a tee shirt over his head. He didn't quite have it untangled from around his shoulders when he skidded into the kitchen. 

The scene there made him come to a complete halt, forgetting even the shirt that was trying to strangle him.

She stood there, flour on the counter and on the floor, the girls standing next to her chattering happily as they rolled and patted dough into flat shapes. Michael, being the manly eight year old, was sitting at the table frosting cookies cut out in different Christmas shapes.

Michael saw him first. "Hey dad," he said, a big grin on his face.

The girls turned with their flour coated hands and ran up to him, dancing around him as they both talked at once. Nathan finally managed to untangle the shirt and pull it down before crouching to listen to the excited kids. 

"...and Carlie showed us how to do it."

"Carlie?" Nathan looked up at the bewitching blonde who had a streak of flour across one cheek.

"She couldn't member her name, daddy. So I named her." Katie grabbed his shirt, leaving a white streak across the dark blue fabric. "Do you like it daddy? I came up with a pretty name cuz she's so pretty."

"It's beautiful, honey." He put his hand on his daughter's bright head for a moment as he realized the kitchen smelled like Christmas, full of spices and baking. It was warm in there from the heat of the oven, and Carlie's cheeks were rosy above the blue of the sweater she had on, the same one he had taken off of her when she arrived.

He felt a strange tug in his chest as she stood there, smiling at him a little guiltily. "The girls said you were going to make cookies today so I figured we could get started and let you sleep in. I hope we didn't wake you." 

He walked past her, grabbing a cookie off the table and biting into it, chewing the delicious treat before swallowing and answering. "No, these are fantastic, make all of them you want to. I'll eat so many I'll end up rolling down the halls of the hospital when I go back to work." 

The kids laughed and Carlie smiled as he hoped she would. Then she went to the refrigerator and pulled out the milk, pouring him a glass. When she sat it next to him, he reached up and wiped the streak of flour with his thumb, cupping her chin in his hand for a moment. "Thanks for watching them, I hope they weren't too much for you."

"Oh, no. I love kids. They've been a treat." She stopped, confused for a moment, her eyes blank and then filled with pain as she tried again to break down the wall between her present and her past.

"Don't," he said quietly. "Don't try to force it. You remembered that you love kids. It's a start." He looked at the curious faces around him. "So, after you guys return Maria's kitchen to order so she doesn't shoot us when she gets back, what do you want to do?"

"Snow fort!" Michael yelled, looking out the curtained window in the back door where the snow was just gently drifting down.

Katie tugged on his sleeve, depositing more flour. "Daddy, can we make a snowman?"

Little Meghan snuck a cookie of her own and around a mouthful, she asked, "Daddy, when we gonna degorate the twee?"

"Oh, man, Meghan," Michael groaned at the cookie crumbs she spit out. "That's gross."

They managed to clean the kitchen and Nathan and three very heavily bundled children played outside for the rest of the morning, only calling it quits when stomachs rumbled. Carlie had taken it upon herself to fix sandwiches, even cutting the crusts off for Meghan despite Michael's patient explanation to the little towhead that the only way to learn to whistle was to eat the crust on your bread. 

Katie and Meghan laid down for naps and Michael departed for his room and his computer, leaving the grown ups alone in the kitchen.

"You're great with them."

Nathan looked up from where he was cleaning up crumbs off the table. He gave her a big grin. "Well, they're pretty great themselves. Not that I'm prejudiced or anything."

She smiled back, sticking the last dish in the dishwasher and closing the door. "No, I can't believe you'd ever be prejudiced. It must be hard though, doing all of this alone all the time."

"We have Maria. After my wife died, I don't think we'd have been able to keep going if she hadn't come in and taken over." 

"I've seen the pictures of your wife that are in the girls' rooms. She was very beautiful. Katie looks a lot like her." She dried her hands on the dish towel and turned to survey the room to make sure she hadn't missed anything.

Nathan's smile slipped a little as he thought of the month that he hadn't been able to even talk to Katie. "After Kendra died, I had a hard time dealing with my feelings. Katie took the brunt of it, I'm afraid." He shook his head. "And I don't know why I'm telling you this. It's too morbid and you must be tired. These kids take a lot of work to keep up with."




Christmas Blessings



"A little. I saw some paperbacks in your study yesterday. May I borrow one of them?"

He gestured for her to go ahead of him and while she looked through his shelves of books, he sat and picked up the papers he had abandoned the night before. Soon, his eyes strayed from the paper again and roamed to where she stood, her fingers running over the back of the books as if they were pets she were stroking. 

He watched her run her fingers over the spines and a small shiver went through him, he wondered what it would be like if she were running those same fingers over his skin instead of paper and ink. He wondered what her skin would feel like under his searching fingers. He knew it was soft, he could still feel her cheek in his palm. He knew she smelled good, felt fantastic, and the sound of her voice was soft and gentle with an inherent sensuality that matched her blonde beauty. But he couldn't help but wonder what she tasted like. He felt a spurt of guilt and his eyes strayed to the picture of his wife. 

"Can't find anything you like?" he asked suddenly, needing to break the tension that he was feeling. He looked back at her and saw her bite her bottom lip in indecision and almost groaned.

"That's just opposite of my problem. These are mostly all my favorites. I love John Sanford and JD Robb. I just don't know which one to read now." She looked up suddenly as if just hearing what she said. 

"You're remembering." Nathan was pleased for her and watched as a frown came across her face again. "What? What is it?" he asked.

"Why can I remember something as inconsequential as an author that I enjoy reading but I can't remember my own name?" She sank down into the leather chair that was next to the shelves, still holding the two books in her hands. "I could have a family, a husband and kids that don't know where I am and I don't remember them."

Nathan went to her, he took the books out of her hands and crouched in front of her. He let his hands rest gently on her knees feeling the warmth of her skin through the thin fabric of her pants. "You'll remember, Carlie. It'll just take some time. You remembered things today and the rest will come." He looked up into her beautiful features, amazed at the pain he felt inside at the tear that slid slowly down her cheek.

"Oh, don't do that." Ever gentle, he slid his hand to her face, wiping away that tear with the same sweet caress of his thumb. His eyes met hers and held for a moment feeling something magnetic stir between them. He didn't know if she moved first or if he did but suddenly her lips were against his, the kiss soft, gentle, moist. Their lips clung and Nathan felt heat streak through him. And pleasure. And even more disturbing, need and want.

He broke the contact, quickly moving away from the temptation she presented, turning his back on her. 

"I...I'm sorry," Carlie said, her voice a quiet murmur.

Nathan waved his hand at her, dismissing her apology. "It's my fault," he said, looking over his shoulder. "I should be the one to apologize. I'm going to...ah check on the furnace. You go ahead and find your book, relax this afternoon." He walked away, his heart heavy, his mind whirling. The guilt of the desire he felt weighed heavily on him. 

Carlie sat where he left her, the books on the floor next to her chair, her fingers on the softness of her lips, still feeling his kiss. The confusion of the last two days, waking up in a strange room, with a strange man and not knowing anything about herself, seemed to evaporate under the heat of his lips.

He was kind and thoughtful, wonderful with his children and with her. He was funny and hard working. Handsome didn't begin to cover his dark looks coupled with those riveting blue eyes. She could remember the way he'd looked this morning, skidding into the kitchen in his stocking feet, the tee shirt still around his neck leaving his chest bare. Her fingers had itched to touch him, ached to explore the lean muscles and taut skin. 

And when he'd smiled at her, over the heads of his children, he'd drawn her into the warmth and light of his family in a way that had made her heart ache as much as her fingers had. Was she falling for him? Was it a case of hero worship due to the fact that he'd saved her life? 

What about her? Was she betraying someone feeling like this? Oh, God. Was she being unfaithful to a husband? She tried so hard to think of someone, to see a face in her mind of the man she could be married to and the only face she saw was his, Nathan's. She looked down at her hands, studying the slender fingers. Were there supposed to be rings there? And where were they if she was married? She didn't feel married, did she?

Her mind rocked and her head ached, making her dizzy. She picked up the books, taking both of them with her and went to the beautiful yellow room to lay on the bed trying to pry away at the wall that blocked her memory until she finally slept, exhausted. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next days passed slowly, the kids taking up plenty of time. Both adults did what they could to stay out of each other's way. Carlie didn't see the pained glances that Nathan gave her when she wasn't looking. She didn't see the heat in his eyes or the admiration in his gaze as he watched her play with his children, cook and clean up or just walk across the room.

He felt the pull to her and fought it. He couldn't help the guilt he felt, the knee jerk reaction that he had cheated on his wife. It was a year ago today since she had died, a day that he knew would be hard on all of them. 

Carlie hurt inside. Her attraction to Nathan was growing with every moment she spent in his presence. He still treated her with the same gentle consideration, making her laugh at his antics even as she felt the wall of guilt he had throw up around himself. She swore she could feel his eyes on her at odd times, but when she turned he was always looking elsewhere or caught up with something that he was doing with the kids. 

She was remembering, as he had said she would. Little things were coming to her, her likes and dislikes especially. She would say something and suddenly something would come to her. But never a face, or a name. Never anything that could tell her who she was.

The snow had stopped leaving a world outside that was clean and serene. Ice hung from the eaves and off the trees. The snow was a drifting sea of white, in some places close to three feet deep where the wind had blown it. The road in front of the house was still unplowed, no tracks marked it's pristine surface. They had heard snowmobiles in the distance a few times in the past couple of days. The phones were still out but they had plenty of food, electricity and each other to keep away boredom. 

Nathan was determined to be cheerful today. He knew the girls were too young to realize what today was and he hoped that Michael wouldn't remember either. He didn't want them to forget their mother, far from it. He wanted them to remember the happy times, the good and wonderful love they had all shared, and not the months leading up to her death. Those months had been terrible, her illness shattering their lives so quickly. The treatments had left her weak and ill, too tired to play. Her hair had fallen out, those beautiful auburn locks that he had loved to touch.

He shook his head, dismayed at the train of his thoughts.

"Okay, who wants to go get a Christmas tree today?" he asked of the three children who were gathered around the table finishing the breakfast Carlie had made. There was a chorus of "I do's" along with Meggie's tiny voice piping in with her "me me me's".

"But daddy, how are we going to go to buy it? The road hasn't been shoveled yet." Katie, his worrier, asked.

"Well, we aren't going to buy it this year. We're going to go and chop it and then haul it back here and put it up tonight."

"Chop it? Like in the woods?"

Carlie spoke for the first time from where she was standing sipping her coffee. "Maybe Meghan and I should stay here and wait for you guys?"

"Oh no," Nathan said, smiling at her. "You don't get out of the work that easily. We'll take the snowmobile and the sled. Michael can ride with me, and you girls can ride on the sled and guard the tree on the way back. What do you think?"

He saw her indecision and went to her touching her arm, the first time he had voluntarily touched her since he had kissed her. "You can borrow some of my warmer clothes and we'll rustle you up some boots. What do you say?" he asked, feeling guilty but wanting her with him today.

She smiled, her gaze caught in his. When he looked at her like that, like Meghan did when she wanted something and threw everything she had into making those puppy dog eyes, how could she possibly say no? "Okay, but I'll warn you now. I've never chopped down a tree."

He smiled at her with such warmth and she felt her heart lurch. "Nah, you don't chop. That's he man stuff for lumberman Mike and I to do. You girls just pick out the tree. Right Mike?"

Michael, ever the ham, pulled up his shirt sleeves and started making muscles while Katie booed and hissed at him. Meghan walked up to her father and pulled on his pant leg.

"Daddy, I got big muscles too. Can I chop down the tree too?"

Nathan picked her up, propping her on his hip and made a production of feeling her tiny, slender arms. "Wow, you do got big muscles. Maybe we should let you haul the tree home."

She grinned at him, her smile so much like his own, then wiggled down to show off her muscles to the other two.

"Thank you," Nathan told her, watching the kids with worry in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Carlie touched his arm, feeling the warmth of the bare skin and muscle beneath her fingers. "You look upset today. Is there anything I can do?"

The kids cleared away their dishes then raced from the room to get ready, Meghan skipping along merrily behind them, unnoticed by the two adults.

"It's nothing. I'm fine." Nathan tried to brush her concern away, rubbing his hand over his face. But Carlie wasn't to be denied. 

"You look strange today and you haven't slept. I can see the shadows under your eyes." She hesitated a moment and then forged ahead bravely. "If it was that kiss, if that's what's bothering y..."

"My wife died a year ago today," he said, interrupting her, suddenly unable to hold it back anymore. He reached for Carlie, wrapping his arms around her and holding her as tried to control the way he felt. The pain, the guilt of his reactions for another woman, his worries for the children, all rolled up to leave a ball of misery in his stomach.

Carlie held him to her, feeling his big body shake under her hands. She rocked him slowly, not saying anything, just holding him while he needed her. She felt his pain and his need and understood it. She would give just about anything for him to not have to go through what he was dealing with today and would do whatever she had to do to help.

Her hands stroked over his back, her caress light and soothing. How long they stood like that, she didn't know. He finally lifted his head, looking down at her, his eyes shadowed by an expression she'd never seen in them before. He touched her face with his hand, his thumb lifting her chin and his mouth found hers.

His lips were hard and harsh, demanding things she wanted so fiercely to give to him freely. Her mouth opened under his, allowing for his tongue to invade the sweet dark recesses behind her teeth. Her eyelashes fluttered closed as she gave in to him, the heat of his mouth starting a chain reaction of feeling through her body, curling her toes in her thin shoes and her fingers in his dark hair.

He moaned, lost in the taste of her, the honeyed sweetness of her mouth that mixed with the taste of the coffee she had just drank. He moved his head, his mouth sliding slickly over hers to go deeper into the myriad pleasure of her lips. All thoughts but one had flown from his head. He wanted her, wanted to slip naked into her and sate himself in the sweetness of her passion. His mouth slipped from hers, finding her neck and feasting on the soft fragrant skin he found there.

She tipped her head back willingly giving of herself to him. His mouth was so hot, so aggressive against her throat that she felt her knees weaken. His hands went to her waist, finding the soft skin that he knew waited for him just under his sweatshirt that she was wearing. He slid his hands purposefully upwards, lifting the shirt as he went until her cupped her breasts over the thin cotton bra she wore. His fingers kneaded and pulled at the taut nipples that bumped against the fabric, his thumb slipping under the bra to touch the pebbled flesh.

At the first touch of his hands on her skin, she moaned. She felt the counter at her back and leaned against it weakly as he destroyed her thoughts and toppled her barriers with his potent touch. He nipped at her collar bone, his tongue laving at the mark he left before he picked up his head and stared down into her flushed face.

His eyes were half closed in his passion, the blue so dark it was almost black as he gazed down at her. His hips ground against her groin, letting her feel the proof of his need. He opened his mouth to speak but whatever he had been about to say was lost to the sound of the children rushing down the stairs. 

They jumped apart, Nathan's hands leaving her soft skin reluctantly, seconds before the kids raced into the kitchen. Carlie turned to face the counter, needing a little time to control herself before facing the kids. Her heart was racing, her skin felt tight and too sensitive. Her mouth felt swollen from his lips. She knew she looked well kissed. She certainly felt it. And she longed for more.

"We're ready, dad," Michael announced, carrying the extra pair of boots he had found in the upstairs closet. "I found these for Carlie."

"Thanks, Mike," Nathan cleared his throat, trying desperately to act normally in front of his children. If they hadn't been there, how far would he have gone with his beautiful house guest. Would he have ripped her clothes off and taken her in his kitchen? God, with the fire running through him now, a fire he was having a hard time controlling, he thought he probably would have. 

"Ah...why don't you two go outside while we get Meghan ready and we'll be out shortly." He felt like he could go outside with out his snow suit and be just fine today, the heat running through him was just that fierce. Maybe he should just go jam a snowball in his shorts and get it over with. As he was thinking this, Meghan walked in, she was carrying her coat but had managed to put on her snow pants and her boots, though the latter were on the wrong feet.

"I'm ready to go too, daddy," she chirped.

Carlie laughed and went to the little girl, touching Nathan as she walked past. She heard the hiss of his breath as the back of her hand brushed his groin and almost smiled. Right now, she wasn't going to think of anything or anyone else but him and his family. She was going to make this a fun day for all, and if seducing Nathan helped get his mind off of what had happened, then she'd do it. She wanted him. And the scary part of everything she had just come to determine, she was falling in love with him.

"Come on, baby. Let's fix those boots and get you ready. Did you go potty before getting your snow pants on?"

Nathan took a deep breath, willed the bulge in his pants to go away and went to get himself ready.

The morning went well, they rode out through the gate in the back yard fence and down into a valley full of trees. There were Douglas fir, Norway spruce and Scots Pine trees as far as the eye could see, all growing wild in this back woods paradise. Carlie jumped off the sled as it stopped and helped Meghan down. She turned a circle, breathing in the fresh air and sweet smell of the trees after being stuck in the house for all these days. A light snow started to fall and she was enchanted by the Christmas card picturesque scene. She turned as she felt Nathan's eyes on her and smiled at him. Acting as if she was bending over to tie the boots that were already firmly tied, she scooped up a handful of snow and soft packed it, standing and letting it fly. It hit him firmly in the chest.

She let out a peal of laughter at the look of shock on his face, and then started backing away as that look changed to determination and a plan for retaliation. Holding her hands out in front of her she backed up, accidentally stepping off the path the snowmobile and the sled had made and stepping into soft snow, landing on her butt in a drift. He stood over her, laughing and finally reached down and took her hand to help her up. She took it and jerked hard.

Instead of helping her out, he ended up face first in the snow next to her, as she sat there now laughing at him. He pushed himself up, his snowsuit deflecting the cold and wet as he spit out the face full of snow. "Oh, so you think that's funny do you?" 

Carlie screamed and tried scrambling up but the too big clothing she borrowed from Nathan hindered her movements. He grabbed her rolling in the snow with her until she was under him. She had grabbed his arms when he rolled her and now her hands slid up to his shoulders, the big gloves caked with snow. They stared at each other, too aware of the other to pay attention to anything else. Until, with a thump and a giggle, Meghan landed on her father's back, driving them deeper into the snow.

"Hey," Nathan said, trying to catch his breath from the sudden attack.

"Can I make snow angels too, Daddy?" She rolled off his shoulder, pushing his face closer to Carlie's. He took advantage of the movement, stealing a kiss that took her breath away before he got up and pulled her out of the snow.

"That sure doesn't look like an angel," he said, indicating the deep impression they had been in. 

He pulled Meggie out and turned hearing Carlie mutter as he walked by, "Maybe an angel being mauled by a bear." He turned and grinned at her, giving her a wink as her face, already red in the cold, turned a brighter shade.

"Daddy! Look at me!" Katie fell backwards, her red hair startling bright against the white of the snow. They trudged back to her, seeing her moving her arms and legs. Nathan picked her up out of the snow.

"Now there's a perfect angel," he kissed her on the cheek. "Hi Angel."

Katie giggled. "I'm not an angel, daddy, that's an angel."

Meghan stood on the back of the sled and jumped into a snowdrift. "My mommy's an angel, Carlie. God's gonna let her come and see me on Christmas."

Carlie looked at Nathan, seeing his eyes close as he watched his youngest. She went to the little girl, picking her up and putting her back on the wagon. "I know, your daddy told me your mommy's an angel. I bet she's the prettiest angel in heaven." She smiled as Meghan nodded her head seriously. "And I bet she's watching over you and your sister and brother all the time, too." She kissed her cheek, feeling the little arms wrap around her neck and squeeze. "So, shall we find a tree before we all look like a bunch of snowmen and are too heavy for your daddy to pull anymore?"

She trudged past Nathan still carrying Meghan, feeling his hand come out and squeeze her arm. She smiled at him. "Lead on, McDuff."

Nathan led the way, breaking a path in the fresh snow for the kids to follow and carrying the chainsaw. Michael was behind him, carrying the rope that they would use to 'tie up the tree so it don't get away'. Katie was next, given the job of final choice of trees once we had it decided down to two. A job which she took quite seriously. Carlie came next, dragging the sled that carried Meghan.

It took a while but they finally had the right tree, chosen by Katie and cut down by Nathan. He helped Michael tie up the branches and then they turned and followed the path back to the snowmobile. After getting the tree tied to the wagon, Nathan stowed the chainsaw in a small trunk.




Christmas Blessings



They stopped and ate the sandwiches and drank the hot chocolate Carlie had made before leaving to make the return trip back. The girls climbed on the wagon, getting under the blankets that Carlie had brought along. Meghan fell asleep on the trip back and Katie's eyes were drooping but Carlie kept looking around, enthralled by the beauty of the quiet wonderland they were in. Nathan took his time, but too soon they were pulling back through the gate and into the backyard.

The kids were sleepy, including Michael, from all the fresh air and walking through the snow. After getting off their snow clothes, Katie and Michael headed up to their rooms while Nathan carefully stripped Meghan of her things and put the still sleeping child to bed. She curled under the blankets, her face still rosy from the outside air and mumbled a sleepy, "Good night daddy."

Carlie stood at the doorway and watched after tucking in Katie. She saw Nathan kiss the tired child on the cheek, stroking the pale blonde curls from her forehead. She could see the love in his eyes as he beheld his youngest and felt a tiny surge of sadness that she had never had someone love her like that.

Wait, 'she had never had someone love her like that'. Her eyes shut tightly as she tried to hold onto that thought, use it as a battering ram against the bricks that still held her memories back. She was concentrating so hard that she jumped when she felt Nathan touch her cheek.

"What is it, Carlie? Your face is all squished, as Katie would say. Did you remember something?" His eyes held such gentle concern for her that she almost turned and fled. Instead, she forced herself to stay and answer him truthfully.

They started walking away from the kids rooms. "When you were tucking Meghan in, I saw you kiss her cheek and I was thinking how sad it was that I never had anyone love me like that."

"You're remembering. That's wonderful. And sad." He turned her into his study and clicked on the fireplace. 

Carlie tucked herself into a corner of the sofa, pulling her feet up under her and staring into the flames. "But I tried to use it, to concentrate on that feeling. I know there's more, I know it. But I just can't remember." Her fist hit her knee as she tried to release some of the frustration she was feeling.

Nathan sat next to her, taking that fist in his hand and opening the slender fingers. He held it for a moment staring down at her palm. "Your hands are smooth, no callous. So if you work, it's probably not as a waitress. " He smiled up at her. "You're good with kids. You're smart and like to read. Maybe you're a teacher off on a holiday and your car got stuck?"

"Or maybe I'm a serial killer and I'm just waiting to get you alone in bed sometime and sink in my fangs like a black widow spider."

He wanted to laugh at the pout on her face but the words she said went straight to his groin. He felt himself getting aroused picturing her under him, naked. His hand tightened on hers for just a second and then he got up, moving across the room to stare out the window. "You say the damnedest things sometimes, Carlie."

She got up and followed him, her stocking feet soundless in the thick carpet. She touched his arm and he turned, pulling her to him and taking her lips with a muffled groan of need. No words were said as he picked her up, taking her back to the couch and laying her down against the soft throw pillows. He stroked her hair, gently touching her skin even through his urgency. Her mouth was soft and sweet under his, stroking the flames in him until he felt like he was burning inside. He pulled at her sweater, taking it off over her head before reclaiming her lips. She pulled on him, wanting his weight on her and he complied, sliding over her to rest against her on the couch.

Her skin was like satin, her body warm and soft under him. Her legs parted and his hips nestled against the cradle of thighs as if he had come home. His mouth roamed, following the sweet line of her jaw to her ear, suckling upon her earlobe before continuing on. His hands roamed too, sliding up her ribs to caress the soft skin just under the globes of her breasts. 

She tilted her head to allow his as much access to her throat as he wished, her hands struggling with the buttons on the front of his shirt. She wanted to feel his skin against hers, to touch him like he was touching her. She pulled futilely, finally calling his name. He sat up and grabbed the edges of the shirt, pulling outwards so that the buttons scattered all over the room.

Carlie laughed as her fingers stroked over the smooth planes of his chest. Her nails flicked the soft nubs of his nipples, and then moved lower, using her palms to sweep the hard muscles of his stomach. "You sure don't look like any desk jockey," she joked before he took her mouth again, his tongue driving inside to taste the dark flavor of her passion.

Her bra came off with just the tiniest flick of his fingers and Nathan stared down at the sweet curves of her breasts with their pink tips. His fingers lightly stroked her taut nipples, staring into her face and seeing the pleasure she was feeling in her eyes. He took one tight tip between his fingers and pinched lightly, watching as she arched her back, hearing her moan his name.

"I want you Carlie," he said, his voice tight. His head dropped, his forehead resting against her breasts. 

She could feel his breath on her skin and she stroked his hair, combing her fingers through the thick strands. "Nathan?" she asked, her voice uncertain.

"I want you, Carlie," he repeated, lifting his head so she could see the pain on his face. "I really want you. You are so beautiful." His hand lightly stroked her hair back from her cheek, his eyes roaming over her.

"But?" she breathed, not sure if she wanted to hear what he had to say.

"I can't. My wife...I... Dammit, I can't do this with you looking like that." He sat up and turned away, waiting while she threw her sweater back over her head. When he turned, he could see the confusion and worse, the hurt in her eyes. "No, Carlie, it's not you. God, any man would have to be a saint or dead not to want you. It's..."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's me. And I know the way that sounds. I can't get over the fact that I feel like I'm cheating on Kendra." 

Carlie stared into his haunted blue eyes. She could see his pain and his guilt. It spilled across his face. She nodded her head slowly. "I understand, Nathan. And it's okay. For all I know, you saved me from cheating on someone also. Now," she took a deep breath, "if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go rest before fixing dinner."

She stood and left him staring after her, a helpless expression on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was over, the kids revived after their afternoon naps. They helped Nathan set the tree in it's tree stand. He called Carlie in from doing the dinner dishes to ask her help in making it straight while he tightened the clamps on the bottom. Then he turned it until all the females were satisfied with the placement and put it in front of the picture window in the living room where it could be seen from the road. 

While Michael and Nathan set up the lights, what Nathan proclaimed was a 'man's job', Carlie and the girls finished dishes and made plates of cookies and mugs of warmed cider for snacks if anyone got hungry while they trimmed the tree.

Carlie sat back and exclaimed over every ornament that was uncovered and brought to her for her inspection, acting suitably impressed over each small angel and tiny ballerina, funny jack-in-box and crystal snowflake. Nathan supervised while the kids hung decorations until every branch held some ornament. 

And then he carefully unwrapped his Grandmother's glass angel, pulling her from the cotton padded box it had been stored in after every Christmas since it's arrival in New York sixty years before. He let the girls touch the glass wings and stroke the fine white blonde hair before putting it securely on it's perch at the top of the tree.

Then he gave the kids each a handful of tinsel with the instructions to keep it even and went to sit next to Carlie. She was stacking small boxes into bigger boxes to be put back in the main box. He took her hand in his, sitting her back so that they both relaxed and watched the kids work.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, watching as the kids laughed as Meghan strung the tinsel over her hair, weaving the glittery strands in with her own towheaded curls. She danced around the other two to the Christmas carols that Nathan had turned on earlier.

"I'm fine," she answered just as quietly. "Don't worry, I understand."

"I just wish I did," he muttered, staring at their hands while he laced her fingers with his. They sat there, slowly growing more comfortable with each other as they laughed over the kids antics before finally calling a halt to the merriment and putting out all the lights but the one they left burning in the kitchen. Nathan took the lights, plugging them in while Michael tapped out a kids version of a drum roll on a stand. They stood around the pretty tree with it's colored lights and the angel that reflected the glow from it's different surfaces, admiring their handiwork.

Carlie finally broke the spell, picking up Meghan. "Okay, little Christmas tree, it's bath time." She took the final pieces of tinsel out of the tired little girl's hair and herded Katie up in front of her to put them both in the tub. 

Nathan and Michael cleared away dishes and boxes and then Michael headed upstairs himself, leaving Nathan alone in the living room with the lit tree. He sat on the couch, feeling pleasantly tired and very confused. 

"Dammit, Kendra," he whispered, staring up at the glowing angel. "I don't know what to do."

The glow from the angel grew brighter and seemed to change. And suddenly the angel didn't look quite the same. Nathan squinted his eyes at the brightness.

"Nathan?"

He squinted harder, making out a shape coming from the glow. "Who?"

"Nathan, it's me."

He sat up, his heart racing. "Kendra? But, how.."

"It's okay, Nathan. I need to tell you something."

He could see her now, her bright smile spreading to her green eyes and making them seem to dance. Her hair shone, the curls as silky as Meghan's and as burnished as Katie's. She looked so healthy, so happy and content. Her body was encompassed by the glow, dressed in a white so brilliant, it seemed to contain the light. He could smell the sweet floral scent of her perfume as it filled the room. He wanted to reach out and touch her but he couldn't move.

"Kendra, I...what's happening? Am I dreaming?"

"Don't be afraid, Nathan. We have to talk and I don't have much time." 

He nodded, still not understanding. "You look so beautiful, Kendra."

"Oh, Nathan, my own. You always know what to say." She moved a little closer and he could see the golden aura that surrounded her. "We had a wonderful life together though it was short on my part. You gave me so much happiness, Nathan. You made me remember hope and joy with your love. And the children. Oh, my own, you are doing such a beautiful job with the children. They are happy and growing wonderfully and so very smart. I am so proud of you, of all of you."

Nathan felt a tear slip down his cheek. "They miss you. God, I miss you, Kendra."

"I know, but you all have a chance now, a second chance." Kendra gestured towards the staircase where he could see the light from the bathroom shining. "She's your chance, Nathan." Her smile seemed a little sad. "Don't throw it away, don't let the love you two could share be wasted because of guilt or doubt. Especially not because of me, my own." 

"She? But..." 

Kendra moved closer, her hand reaching out and touching his cheek. He felt a warmth and a feeling of peace came over him. She smiled again and he felt her move away. "Nathan, you were my first love and my last, my one and my own. Christmas is a time of blessings."

"You were my blessing," he said, closing his eyes as the glow grew ever brighter.

When he opened his eyes there was a blanket spread over him, the lights of the Christmas tree were the only ones on in the house beside the small light he kept on in his study. He stood and stared at the angel on top of the tree, his thoughts racing. Had it really happened? Had Kendra actually come to him? Or had it just been a dream? The peace he had felt with her touch still lingered, calming the knot of nerves he had been feeling for the past couple of days. 

Nathan folded the blanket thoughtfully and laid it across the back of the couch, turning off the lights on the tree and going up the stairs. He checked in on his children, bending over to place loving kisses on their sleeping foreheads, staring at them for just a minute longer than necessary. Then he headed towards his room. He paused outside Carlie's door, seeing the thin line of light under it. As he reached out to knock, the light was turned off. His hand raised, he stared at that darkness.

With his thoughts still racing, he turned and went to his room, taking his own shower and then climbing in bed. For some reason, he pulled the covers down and slid into the middle of the bed, curling around a pillow and breathing in deeply. And in his mind, it wasn't flowers he smelled but spices.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas Eve day started bright and beautiful with the sun shining on the snow causing tiny diamonds to glint on its surface. The kids ate breakfast and hurried outside to play. Carlie busied herself going through Maria's cookbook. She found recipes and started baking, the smell of apples and cinnamon wafting through every corner of the house.

It was her way of staying away from Nathan. She'd never forget the look on his face the night of the tree trimming, when she had come down to get him to wish the kids goodnight. He'd whispered his wife's name, his voice full of love and contentment. And the smile. Carlie sighed deeply and dug her knuckles into the dough she was making for homemade rolls. She would give anything to have him smile like that at her.

She shook her head, using her shoulder covered in one of his soft flannel shirts to push a stray strand of hair from her face. She took the kneaded dough and put it in a bowl, covering it with a clean kitchen towel then setting it aside to rest on the back of the stove where it was warm.

"Wow," Nathan said, coming into the kitchen, "something smells wonderful in here."

"Apple and pumpkin pie," she said, moving away from him to start cleaning up the mess she'd made. "I've also got rolls started."

"Carlie, we need to talk." He took two steps toward her, stopping when the phone started ringing, the sound loud in the silence of the kitchen. "Dammit," Nathan hissed, going over to answer the kitchen extension.

Carlie continued cleaning then washed her hands, before going to the refrigerator to get out the ingredients for something not in Maria's cookbook. A recipe of her mother's. She stood in the open door of the refrigerator, her breath caught in her throat as what she was thinking finally caught her attention. Her mother's recipe. Her mother was alive and lived..."Dammit!"

"Are you okay?"

She turned, caught off guard and not realizing how close he actually was. With the open door of the refrigerator on one side and him so close on the other, she was almost standing in his arms. "You scared me."

"You aren't okay. You're pale." He took her by the arms and led her away from the kitchen, making her sit in the living room. He knelt in front of her, his hands stroking softly up and down her arms. "You haven't been sleeping either. I've heard you up and pacing at night."

"It's nothing, just a little case of insomnia. I'm fine." She laughed at the doubting expression in his eyes. "Really, I am. I was just thinking about making my mother's favorite recipe. When I went into the fridge, it hit me. You know, thinking about her, knowing and I knew she was alive. I can see her face, but I can't remember her name. She's my mother and I can't remember her name."

Nathan pulled her resisting form into his arms, holding her there until she relaxed and let her head drop onto his shoulder. He gently stroked her back, breathing in her spicy scent with a sigh. If only she could remember then he could do what he wanted to do.

"You just need to let it come, Carlie. You've remembered so much. One of these days, soon, the dam will break and you'll remember. I promise." He rocked her as she had rocked him, holding her close with a tenderness that had tears backing up in her eyes.

She finally pushed away and took a deep breath, turning her face from him. "I should go check on the kids."

"Wait, Carlie. That phone call." He stopped her with a hand on her arm. "They are plowing the road today sometime, he said tonight at the latest. We'll be able to go into town."

"Oh." She looked down at him as she stood. "I'll be ready to go then, whenever you want to take me into town." Carlie wanted to escape, to go to her room. No, she stopped herself. It was the guest room and not hers no matter how much she liked it in there. She was a guest here, not a member of the family. She had to realize that. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, if the roads are open, then you can take me into town. I can check the police station. Maybe someone has reported me missing." Why did the idea of leaving this house, the kids, of leaving him hurt so much?

Because you fell in love with him, with all of them.

"Sure, we can go check in at the police station if you want. Wouldn't it be easier to call them though?"

"Call them?"

"Well, now that the phone works, we could call and make a report, see if you've been reported missing. We could do that now and not have to wait until later, actually." He stood with her, still with his hand on her arm. "You didn't think that I was going to just drop you off in town and leave you there to fend for yourself, did you?" He studied her face intently, his hand coming up to cup her chin and hold her still.

"You did!" He dropped his hands off of her and walked away, his temper rising. "Carlie, what in the world did I do to make you think I would treat you so cavalierly? You've come here and been wonderful with the kids, you've taken on more than your share of the household chores. Hell, you folded my clothes. The kids love you and they expect you to be here for Christmas."

"I'd love to stay for Christmas, Nathan," she said quietly. Her blue eyes were huge in her face as she stared at him, stalking back and forth across the room. He was angry at her, but she wasn't really sure of the reason.

"And after that too, until you find out who you are," he stated firmly, leaving no doubt he meant what he said.

"Nathan, I can't do that. It could be weeks, it could be years if ever that I remember. If no one's looking for me, there might be no way to find out who I am."

"Carlie, don't you understand. I don't care. I want you to stay. I want you to stay with me." He strode across the room, determination mixing with frustration in his eyes. He was tired of pussy footing around her. Maybe it was just time to show her what he meant. He grabbed her arms, dragging her against him. "I want you to marry me, Carlie. Be my wife." His lips came down on hers, slanting across her mouth. The taste of her was sweet and wonderful and he felt his heart race as she responded, her hands slipping up his back.

He tore his mouth from hers before he got too involved. He needed to hear her say yes. "Well?" he asked insistently.

Her eyes blinked slowly at him as if coming from a dream. She stared up at him, astonished and then felt him shake her gently.

"Carlie, when a man proposes, he expects an answer."

She tore herself away, putting the length of the sofa between them. "I...I can't marry you, I can't." Tears slid down her cheeks. "I don't know who I am or if I'm already married. I don't know anything about myself. I could have killed someone, or robbed a bank. I could be on the run from the police." A sob caught her by surprise and she wrapped her arms around her slender waist feeling the pain slash deep inside of her. He was handing her what she wanted more than anything; him, the kids, to stay here with them. And she couldn't reach out and take it.




Christmas Blessings



"I can't," she sobbed again, turning and running from the room. He heard the sound of her steps on the stairs and then the soft thump as she closed her bedroom door. His heart thudded hollowly in his chest as he sank down on the sofa. He never thought she'd say no. He sat there for a moment feeling a sense of loss that was almost overwhelming. Then he heard the back door open and his children's voices and knew he had to pull himself together for them.

~~~~~~

The road was plowed earlier than he expected and the kids wanted to go into town. Santa was going to be at the mall and they hadn't gotten to see him this year. He got them dressed warmly after shoveling out the end of the driveway and starting his SUV to get it warmed up. Then he turned to Carlie. "Are you sure you won't go with us?" he asked softly.

She shook her head and smiled bravely at him but he could see the effects of the tears she had shed on her face. Tears she shed because of him. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her, just hold her until she smiled again at him the way she had in the woods the day they got the tree. That day seemed so long ago now.

"Okay, we'll stop by the police station then on our way home." He touched her face gently, unable to stop himself. "Carlie, we'll work something out, okay? It'll be okay."

Michael stood by silently, watching the what was going on between the two adults. His eyes took in the look on his dad's face, the look on Carlie's. He knew something was wrong, but he wasn't sure what. He grabbed Katie's hand in his and dragged her back when she was about to go and bother the adults again, shaking his head at her when she gave him a dirty look.

Carlie nodded quietly and a tear slipped from her eye. She tried to wipe it away without being obvious and stooped to give Meghan a kiss on the forehead.

"What you want me to ask Santa to bring you, Carlie?" the little girl lisped happily.

"Oh, honey. I've got everything I need already. But thank you." She stood and tried to smile at Katie and Michael.

Nathan let himself be led from the house but he glanced back at her over his shoulder. She looked so lost standing there by herself, her arms hugging her slender form under the too big shirt of his she was wearing over his sweat pants. He didn't want to leave her, not when she was feeling like this. But he got into the SUV and drove to the mall.

The madhouse he found there was more than he expected. He enlisted Michael's aid and had him help keep his sister's in tow as he did some last minute shopping stopping at the gift wrap station run by teenage girls in elf costumes to get the presents wrapped. They stopped and stood in line to see Santa and got pictures taken. Michael hung back, too old at eight to sit on Santa's lap. The kids were yelling hungry by the time they were through and Nathan corralled them back to the car, stopping at one last store on his way out. It was a chance, and a big one. But he'd take it.

He stowed the presents in the back end except for one small box which he tucked into his pocket. Then he belted the kids into their seats and drove back towards home. With Michael in the front seat playing a hand held video game and killing off alien invaders, the girls in the back seat chattering about what they'd asked Santa for, he used his cell phone and made the call to the police station.

Knowing nothing more about Carlie then when they had left he finally pulled into the driveway.

He got the kids out and into the house, amazed at the smells that were wafting from the kitchen. His stomach grumbled hungrily, making Meghan laugh. 

She ran into the kitchen in front of them calling out to Carlie, "Daddy's got a bear in his tummy and it's growlin."

Carlie swooped her up and gave her a kiss, listening to her rattle on about their trip to the mall. "And Daddy's got prises in the..."

Nathan stole her away, slipping a gentle hand over her mouth. "And someone has a big mouth and is telling secrets also," he teased, tickling her until she giggled. "Go wash up for dinner."

He put her down and swatted her lightly on the rump as she walked past, hearing her yelling for her brother and sister that it was dinner time. "Can I do anything to help?"

"Just go wash up yourself." She started ladling and filling bowls, carrying them into the dining room, a room that they had never used for a meal. He carried a bowl in for her and then smiled and left the room as she shooed him away. Her mood seemed better, more settled as if the time alone had been good for her.

He got the kids cleaned up and brought them down for the meal, praising her culinary talents. He noticed she didn't eat much but she smiled and laughed as much as anyone. The kids all begged to be allowed to stay up later tonight, excitement in their voices. Especially Meghan and Katie who wanted to be up to surprise Santa when he came down the chimney. They chattered all through clean up of the dishes about what Santa was bringing them. They gathered in the living room, Nathan allowing the kids to stay up to watch two Christmas classic cartoons, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. Then it was baths and bed.

Even Michael went to bed early, excited about the next day. The girls closed their eyes the instant they were kissed goodnight, Carlie smiling from the doorway and then it was quiet.

Nathan took her hand and led her downstairs. He took her to a hall closet that she hadn't noticed before, pulling a key from his pocket and unlocking the door. Inside was a kid's wonderland, wrapped and unwrapped presents ready to be put under the tree, each labeled neatly. They gathered them up and carried them to the living room, placing them under the tree and then around it. Nathan took an envelope from his desk and propped it in the tree.

"It's a pony." He laughed as she cocked an eyebrow and then glanced back at the envelope. "Okay, it's a picture of a pony. I couldn't have her delivered because of the snow so they'll be bringing her later this week. I figured she could have the picture until she can have the real thing."

"You are such a pushover," she laughed as he blushed.

He made her sit while he went out to the truck and brought in the rest of the presents, not letting her touch a thing or even look at the cards. Then they ate the cookies left out for Santa and Nathan drank the milk. He got out a pair of his boots and pushed them into a bit of mud at the edge of the path then he made a small trail from the fireplace to the edge of the hearth with the boots.

"Now only one thing left to do," he said as he got back from putting the boots away. "He sat down next to her on the couch, sitting so that he was facing her. "I got you a present and you can open it early." He hushed her as she tried to argue. "Nope, I already talked to Santa and got his permission." 

He pulled out the small box and handed it to her.

"But..."

"No, I know what you said. This is for when you change your mind." He took the box back and opened it, showing her the beautiful diamond solitaire. It was simple and classy and exactly the right ring for her. He'd known it even when the clerk had shown him more glitzy rings or ones with more stones.

"Oh, Nathan. But what about..."

"Carlie, I don't care about before. Whatever you were or are, we'll deal with it together. I love you." He saw her eyes light up with those three simple words. Three words that encompassed a wealth of others. "I want you to be my wife, to help me raise the three terrors we have and give me more. I want us to grow old together surrounded by grandkids. Please, Carlie. Be my wife."

It was hearing the name that brought her out of the spell he had cast over her with his wonderful words. The name that she had been given by a six year old, a name that wasn't hers. She wanted so badly to believe what he was saying, that everything would be all right, that they would deal with what came when it came. But how could she accept another man's ring when someone could be out there right now looking for her.

She took his hand in hers and slowly closed the lid over the ring she longed to accept. "I love you, too, Nathan. With all my heart. But I'm not Carlie. I don't know who I am and until I do, I can't take this."

Nathan took a deep breath. He'd expected this but it still stung. He took her hand and placed the box in it, curling her fingers around it. "You keep this then, when you're ready, bring it to me. Until then, we'll go on like we are. After Christmas, we'll go down and fill out a report, maybe someone has seen an abandoned car." He pulled her close and held her. "But I get cuddle rights," he whispered in her ear. "And rights for kisses." He kissed her, slowly deepening the kiss until he felt her breath hitch and her mouth open under his.

They kissed and touched and watched the lights on the tree, talking about anything that came to mind. Finally Nathan pulled her up. "Come on, woman. Those kids will be up at the crack of dawn and jumping on me and then I'm sending them in to get you." He laughed as she looked at him with fake horror. The he swooped up the ring box she had set on a side table and handed it to her. "Don't forget this. I want it handy for when you remember. You come to me wearing it."

Nathan left her at her bedroom door with one last, lingering kiss. He seemed to have problems walking away, holding her tightly against him. Finally, he whispered a soft goodnight and went into his room. She heard his door click as she stood behind hers and waited until she heard the shower in his bathroom running. Then, after a look at the soft bed waiting for her, she turned and went down the stairs.

Carlie flipped on the tree lights and snuggled into a corner of the couch that they had just left. She rested her head on her hand and opened the box that held his present of love. She'd never expected him to love her, only to want her. Her eyes traveled over the ring that glinted in the colored glow of the tree. Staring at it, she fell asleep.

~~~~~~

The road was dark, the snow coming down hard and fast, the wind blowing it across the front of her windshield. She couldn't see much past the lights that just seem to reflect back off the snow already on the ground. Drifts threatened to pull the car off the road as her tires got caught in them, almost yanking the wheel of the small vehicle out of her hands. 

She'd been on the road for days, heading towards Michigan to see her mother. She hadn't called, knowing that mom would be happy to see her no matter when she got there. It would be nice to be together for Christmas this year, if she ever made it there.

Her arms ached from fighting the storm and her hands were shaking as the fright of her situation set in. She had no choice but to continue on even though she'd gotten lost taking a wrong road in the unfamiliar area. Trying to turn around in this mess was impossible, she'd either get stuck or hit by another car that wouldn't be able to see her. So she kept going, keeping her speed constant even through her fear.

She heard a creak and then a crashing noise, and suddenly a branch thumped down, the surprise making her pull the wheel to the left to avoid hitting it. The car skidded on the icy snow and seemed to spin in slow motion, her head hit the window as it collided with a heavy drift then pushed through to back down a steep incline and into the ditch. The world went black as she felt car come to a shocking halt.

When she woke, aching and groggy, the car had stopped running. She stared at the red lights flashing on the dash then looked around at the dark world outside the car. The snow was slashing down, the wind howling and blowing as if trying to get to her.  

She sat in the growing cold of the car, fighting the confusion she felt at waking here, her head aching, tears streaming down her face. She had two choices, as far as she could make out; she could sit here and wait out the storm and the possibility of not being found before spring, or she could get out of the car and try to find help and risk death from exposure. In her mind there wasn't much of a choice.

She left the car, the keys still in the ignition, her purse and clothing in the back seat in her pain, and started up the hill as she was dressed. The car door was left open and forgotten, the binging of the alarm blown away by the shrill wind.

The climb out of the ditch was almost enough to have her give up. The cold took away her breath and the incline was slippery. She managed to dig her feet in and push herself out, finally finding the roadbed with a sense of relief. She'd come from back that way, looking at the rapidly filling tire tracks, so she made her decision and started down the road the other way, breaking a path through the virgin snow.

Her feet soaked through and froze, her hands clutched in her pockets trying to find warmth. Her head ached from the bump she'd gotten in the car. All she wanted was sleep. It was with a sense of surrealism that she saw the lights through the frigid snow. She turned toward them, stumbling and weak, her body crying out for sleep.

The door was locked and her frozen hands couldn't curl into fists to pound and make her presence known. They didn't hurt as bad though. As a matter of fact, it didn't seem as cold outside anymore either. She saw the doorbell and raised her hand to reach for it but changed her mind, deciding to rest before she tried. She'd sleep, just a quick nap, and then she'd try once more to get into the house.

~~~~~~

Carlie awoke with a start as images flew through her head, her life opening in front of her like a book. She saw her life, a life that had held so little, in a tiny corner of Texas where she had gotten a teaching job. She was a teacher! She taught the little ones, second graders.

She remembered everything, from growing up in a small town in Michigan to leaving Texas to come home. She knew who she was.

She got up with a smile, staring at the glass angel on the top of the tree. In her mind she could hear another woman's voice. "Now, go to him. Be happy."

With a silent thank you, she whirled in a quick circle, her hair flying out around her. Then she grabbed the ring box and hurried towards the stairs. 

She stopped in her room to freshen up. In the guest room, she corrected herself with a smile. Her room would be across the hall with Nathan. Slipping out of her clothes, she pulled on her favorite of his flannel shirts over her nude body. It fell past her hips and down her thighs, covering her entirely. She left it mostly unbuttoned, securing two before brushing her pale curls until they gleamed like moonbeams. She took up the box again and sneaked across the hallway, opening Nathan's door quietly before slipping inside and closing it behind her.

The room was dark but the moon shone through one of the windows with enough light for her to make out his sleeping form. He was sprawled in the middle of the bed, the blankets across his naked chest. 

Reaching the side of the bed, she spoke his name. "Nathan."

He woke, sitting up and staring at her in confusion. "What..." he started to ask, rubbing his hand across his face. "Is something wrong with one of the kids?" He grabbed the blankets to throw them off when she stopped him, touching his arm.

"The kids are fine, Nathan. I need to talk to you." She smiled, so filled with joy that she wanted to sing and dance, but more than anything else she wanted to make love to her man.

"What is it, honey?" He took her hand, lacing his fingers with hers.

"Nathan," she took a deep breath before continuing, holding the ring out to him. "My name is Dara Brower. I was driving to Michigan to see my mother for Christmas when my car went into the ditch. I'm not married and I don't have a boyfriend. And if you still want me, I'd love to marry you."

He felt his heart fill with happiness. A happiness he hadn't expected to feel so soon. When he'd gotten into bed, he'd made a deal with God to be patient and give her the time she needed as long as He didn't make it too long of a time. His eyes filled and he felt a tear slip down his cheek. 

"Nathan," she whispered, "usually when a woman accepts a proposal, a man says something."

He smiled and it lit up his face. Taking the box from her hand, he pulled the ring out and slipped it on her finger, watching it glisten even in the dim light. Then he pulled her towards him, feeling her climb onto the bed with him as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

"Ca...I mean Dara." He grinned down at her. "That's going to take some getting used to. Dara, I love you. I never thought to have another great love in my life but God granted me you." He looked over at the clock on his beside table that had just changed to 12:00. "Merry Christmas, love."

"Merry Christmas, Nathan."

His lips took hers again in a kiss fraught with passion and caring, a kiss given and returned with the love they both felt. Soon kisses weren't enough though and his hands gently touched the buttons on his shirt. His eyes asked her the question as he stared down at her. 

She smiled and raised her hands to help him but he pushed them away. "No, this is my Christmas present and I get to unwrap it." He undid the few buttons she had buttoned slowly spreading the soft fabric away from her body and staring down at the beauty he uncovered. She'd been blue and frozen the last time he'd undressed her. This time she was warm and flushed with passion, her body writhing and arching under his touch, responding to him in ways he'd never thought possible.

He moved over her, caressing her skin, touching her breasts with gently fingers that grew rougher as his need for her grew. Her body captured him, taking him deep, moving under him in a rhythm that grew faster until he felt her contract under him. He watched her eyes grow hazy then blind as pleasure took her and only then did he give in to his own urgent needs as he held her tightly against him.

~~~~~~

Christmas morning dawned bright and beautiful. Nathan and Dara were up before the kids, downstairs in the living room waiting when they came down. They watched as presents were torn into, as gifts were exclaimed over and played with. Katie danced with pleasure when she opened the card and saw the picture of the small brown pony that Nathan said was to be hers.

When the last gift was opened, Dara holding the beautiful pink sweater he had bought her to her cheek to feel it's softness, they called the children over to tell them their big news.

"Carlie's going to be our new mommy," Katie said before they could say anything. The other two nodded their heads solemnly.

"How did you know that?" Nathan asked incredulously. The two adults looked at each other in astonishment.

"Mommy told us," Meghan lisped, her fingers playing with the blonde curls of her new doll.

"Mommy told you? How?"

"Last night, dad. Mom told me too. She was bright and looked really pretty. She told me she was proud of me, Dad." 

Nathan stared at his kids, and then thought back to his own experience. "How do you feel about this?"

"Oh, it's cool. She makes great cookies," Michael said, making them all laugh.

Nathan hugged his kids and then wrapped his arms around Dara, holding her close as they watched the children play, feeling love and happiness once more in his life.

~~~~~~~

They were married on Valentine's day amidst friends and family. The girls, Meghan in pink as the flower girl, and Katie in yellow as her maid of honor, walked down the aisle in front of Dara, who was dressed in a simple creation of white satin with a wreath, instead of a veil, upon her white blonde curls. Michael stood beside Nathan, pulling at the collar of his new tuxedo and squirming.

The wedding was beautiful, with traditional vows that Nathan repeated with joy in his voice. Dara was quieter but her happiness could easily be seen in the sweet smile that never left her lovely face.