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Choices: Someone to Watch Over Me

By: The Wanderer



I thank my LadyCibelle and Techsan for their patience, proof reading, editing skills and of course encouragement. I'd also like to add that we don't always see eye to eye, we do have some disagreements sometimes - well quite often really, - I can be an obstinate old bugger when I want to be. Anyway I take full responsibility for the content and any cock-ups in this story.

Notes for the uninitiated: Cor = slang expressing surprise, excitement, etc. Palaver = a prolonged or tiresome act. Throw a wobbly = Have a fit of nerves or temper. On a loosing wicket = in a no win situation. 

Someone to Watch Over Me.

Damn it, I really should have seen it coming. You know with a bit of foresight it should have been obvious to me, like two trains racing towards each other on the same track. But maybe I wasn't looking hard enough; well, at least I wasn't thinking things out that well. And I suppose I could use the excuse that one train was hiding in a tunnel. But all the warning signs were there if I'd only looked hard enough for them. But I was kinda besotted with the girl so when that other train came roaring out of that bleeding tunnel, I just had no idea what was coming.

Okay, enough of the bleeding metaphors; let's get down to brass tacks. All through my school life they must have been there. Well, they were there but you kinda didn't notice that there was two of them. Them - that's it! They weren't two people really; they were a single entity. Mercedes Clough and Porticia Rowan; two girls, one personality. 

As I remember, all through school they were referred to as 'the twins'. They dressed alike and spoke alike. Their hair was styled the same. Shit, they were like a pair of twins, but they were not related. But they might as well have been joined at the hip.

Now don't get the idea that they were stand-offish or anything. Once they were in their teens, they dated boys all the time. The only problem there was that they only double dated. If a guy fancied one of them, he not only had to get her attention; he had to find a suitable date for the other one.

I must admit I liked the look of both of them. But I never did get to know either of them well; I couldn't be bothered to play the silly double date game. Shit, a guy would be running around for weeks trying to find the suitable candidate that the girls would find acceptable to make up the foursome. I learnt at a young age that the girls could be bloody choosy when they wanted to be and from what I heard the girls wanted to be. It was probably all a game to them.

Anyway, the problem never came up for me really, because when I was sixteen, my old man talked my Uncle Harry into taking me as an apprentice builder. That was my old man all over, "Get yourself an apprenticeship boy; you'll have a job for life." The only problem with that bloody apprenticeship was that I had to go and live with my Uncle Harry and Auntie Mavis in London.

Cor London, the big city and bright lights! Like fuck! We lived in the suburbs and most of my Uncle Harry's and my work was out in the suburbs as well. I had one day and one evening a week at a technical college, also in the suburbs. Uncle Harry wanted blood for his money so by the time I got home at night, I was so knackered; travelling up into town wasn't an option.

Add to that, Uncle Harry was a bleeding workaholic. Hold on, a correction there. He was under the impression I was a bleeding workaholic. He always had little jobs laid on for the weekends. "You missed a day's work during the week to go to college; you can make it up on the weekends, boy." So my planned monthly weekend trips home soon became bi-monthly then tri-monthly. You get the idea; I got home three times the first year, and besides Christmas once the second year. By the end of the third year my dog had started growling at the stranger when I walked in the door of my parents' home. And there was a bloody lodger sleeping in my room. I had to share my little brother's room.

Apprenticeship over, I decided I'd had enough of working for Uncle Harry. I really don't think he was too pleased when I took my leave. Bollocks to him, the old bugger had got his money's worth out of me.

Home wasn't home anymore for me, if you get my drift. I'd managed to save a lot of the meagre salary Uncle Harry had paid me over the years; so I had enough in the bank to allow me to put a security deposit down and rent a little flat of my own back in my home town.

Work wasn't a problem either; I had my papers, and I was soon on the books of one of the local firms. The work was hard, but at least the money was spectacular after what Uncle Harry had been paying me. Builders who really knew what they were doing were not exactly rare, but were a bit thin on the ground back then. Well, young ones were. 

Before I realised what was happening I was working on a site of about fifty new houses. Once that site was finished, I was offered job by a smaller builder, on a barn conversion. It was a small job, only about six of us on the site and the owner was around most days.

The boss and I were studying the plans one day over a cup of tea and I just happened to mention that the way the architect had planned things, there was going to be a bleeding great blank area of wall on the front of the building. I just said that if it was my place I'd make some changes that I thought would make the place look better.

The boss pushed the artist's impression drawing of the finished house at me and said show me. So I roughly sketched in the changes I thought would be improvements. Later that day I was called into the little shed we were using as a site office. There I found the Boss, the owner of the house and the architect. After some strong words were exchanged between the architect and the owner my changes were added to the plan.

It was on the day we handed the newly converted house over, that the architect came over to me. "Son, you're in the wrong business. You should have been a bloody architect or a ruddy designer at least. You've got an eye for design."

A couple of weeks later I signed up on a part time college course, learning to be an architect. I still worked on the building sites to earn the money to support my studies but I was heading into the design side of the business.

It was in the college library that I first saw her. I'd just sat down at one of the large tables, to look up some references in a book, when a young lady the other side of the table looked up from the book she was reading and our eyes found each other's for a brief moment. She gave me a wonderful smile and returned to reading her book. The face was familiar but I couldn't place it.

I kinda sat there confused and stared at her. Well, she was a very good-looking young woman. Some minutes later she looked over at me again. I quickly looked down at the book I was studying. Trying to pretend I hadn't been staring at her.

Out of the corner of my eye, I was aware of her getting up from the table and walking around it until she was standing beside me. Embarrassed that she'd seen me watching her, I didn't raise my head and pretended to be lost in the book before me. The young lady reached out and, rotating my book through 180 degrees she said, "You'll find it easier to read, Roger, if it is the right way up!"

I looked up at her.

"You don't recognise me, do you, Roger? -- Mercedes, Mercedes Clough!"

"Crikey, Dee you've changed some!"

"Do I take that as a complement?"

"Of course you do, but where's Tish?" I added looking around.

"Porticia's in the States doing an internship. We're both supposed to be on a gap year from Uni. We got placements together in the states for the year, but mine blew out on me."

"And Tish went on her own? You two do everything together."

"Well, normally we do but it was too good an opportunity for her to pass up."

"When did she go?"

"About a month or so back, I thought I'd spend the year brushing up my Spanish. So I signed on here."

Mercedes, or Dee as she had always been known as at school, and I talked for a while until the librarian came over and told us to be quiet. Then we adjourned to the refectory. By the time she had to go to her class we'd made a date for that evening. Well, kind of. I was driving her home from college in my van that night. As I was doing some private work on the side, I'd bought myself an old van to carry all my gear around in.

I did wonder what her folks thought when my tatty old van with ladders on the top pulled up outside their upmarket house that evening. Dee and I sat in the van for some time; chatting about school days and the like. In the end I asked her to go out with me the following evening. It could be that I should have picked up something in her reply; with hindsight I think I should have.

"That would be nice, Roger. I haven't been out since Tish went away." 

I arrived at her house about seven-thirty that Friday evening. The door was opened by her father who looked me over like I was something the cat had dragged in and the expression on his face when he looked at my van was something I can't describe.

I was shown into the lounge where Dee's mother and her younger sister were sitting, to wait until Dee was ready. Dee's mother was very pleasant and so was her sister, I remembered Dee's sister Estelle from school. To be honest I think I got the old swooning looks from her.

It struck me that Dee's father didn't like me. This is not an uncommon attitude for a father to take; after all, he was young once and knew how most young guys' minds worked. Standard fatherly protective behaviour, if you ask me.

When Dee entered the room, my jaw dropped. Remember I'd known Dee since she was a little kid. The day before I was struck by her pleasant face and nice figure. But there was no way that I was prepared for the woman that walked into the lounge that evening. 

Was it Bobby Vee who sang "Poetry In Motion"? Well there it was, standing before me! I think my heart stopped beating for a moment. Well, I definitely remember I found that speech was impossible for quite some time.

That evening we went to a local night-spot; nothing flashy, just a pub that had live music and dance floor (of sorts). Although we did dance a few times, Dee and I spent most of the evening talking. Don't, for Christ sake, ask me what we talked about, because I haven't got the slightest recollection. I can just tell you that whenever we got together we were talking most of the time. No matter what the subject we appeared to agree on just about everything.

That is except one: Porticia. I had no interest in Porticia at all, although I feigned interest to keep Dee happy. It was clear to me that she had been missing her almost lifelong companion and I suppose it was really understandable. I just wished I'd understood at the time, that Porticia was the other train I was talking about, hiding in that bloody tunnel.

Well, that first date and the little kiss I got at the end of it; led to a second and third date, following in quick succession. By the end if the month, Mercedes and I had become an item. When we weren't either at college or working, we were together.

I would find Dee waiting by my van when I came out of my evening college classes and on the days I was at college she would meet me for lunch. To be honest I was besotted with her and, from what she said and how she behaved, I thought she was besotted with me.

Dee joined me in my bed for the first time after we'd been together about three months. For some reason she couldn't use the pill so we had to resort to other means of protection against her becoming pregnant. I've got to say it kind of took the edge off the moment and spoiled the mood a little. Consequently we didn't get to actual intercourse very often. We found other ways to satisfy our desires.

I knew that Dee was writing to and receiving letters from Tish all the time, but I didn't know the effect they were having on our relationship. Dee's sexual..., damn, how can I put it? Dee's sexual preferences and what she wanted or was willing to try out, slowly changed over time. I don't know why it didn't strike me as strange at the time.

When we first got in bed together in early December, Dee wanted nothing to do with oral sex. But about February time Dee suddenly wanted to try it. For someone who thought giving head was dirty, she soon turned into an enthusiastic expert. And where she had refused to let me go down on her, she was then begging me not to stop.

It was just after Easter that she suddenly mentioned anal sex. As I said, we rarely had intercourse, but as we were going through the palaver of putting the rubber on one night she asked me if I would like to take her anal cherry. I'll be honest - I'd never even thought about it before, but it was apparent Dee had as she had a tube of lubricant in her bag. She found she enjoyed it and as I can't say I didn't, anal intercourse became our norm when we were at my flat.

Right after the anal intercourse incident, Dee started talking about getting engaged. No, that's silly; we both had been talking about it for some time but it was around that time we started talking seriously about getting engaged and getting married. I brought her a ring in late July and we planned to get married right after she took her finals at university the following summer.

Dee's mother was over the moon at our plans. Her father wasn't as enthusiastic. I think he thought his daughter could do better than a bloody builder, as I heard him say on more than one occasion when he thought I was out of earshot. Estelle told me straight, she wanted me to drop Dee and marry her instead.

It was early August when Porticia returned from the States. She had her American boyfriend in tow and, I've got to say, I didn't like the geezer from the start. To my mind, he was everything that I didn't like in Yanks all rolled into one. He was a brash know-it-all, who was forever bragging about himself and how clever he was.

Now don't get the idea that I don't like Americans. I've got some good friends from over the water. There was an American air base near our town and I'd grown up with a lot of American friends. My first proper girlfriend, that I'd had whilst still at school, had come from Chicago. 

No, like all nationalities, amongst them are the ones that give all a bad name. George Greenlake was one of those. Whilst he was in the country, he stayed at Porticia's parents' house. Of course there was no way that the Rowan's were going to let him and Porticia share a bed, as they had apparently been doing whilst Porticia was over there in America.

Porticia and George had only been in the country a couple of days and I hadn't met either of them yet. I came home from work one evening to find Dee sitting in the kitchen of my flat; she'd had her own key for some time. There were three coffee cups on the table, which I gave a cursory glance to as I took Dee into me arms and kissed her. I told her I wouldn't be a couple of minutes changing and then we'd go out and eat.

"You can't go in there yet!" Dee blurted out. I looked at her. "Tish and George are using our bed."

"Like fuck they are!" A very apt statement on my part actually. But I'm one of those people who believe in the old adage 'An Englishman's home is his Castle' and in my home the most personal item of furniture is my bleeding bed. This probably goes back to me returning to my parent's house from Uncle Harry's and finding a lodger sleeping in my bed.

I think they must have heard my outburst, which I won't repeat here, because it was only a couple of minutes later that Porticia and George entered the kitchen still in the throes of getting dressed. For all their apologies, they didn't change the sheets or even make the bed.

Dee assured me that they didn't ask her permission to use my/our bed. We were so close by then that everything was referred to as ours. From the way George and Porticia behaved I've always believed Dee on that one. They acted as if they were the most important people in the world.

Whilst George was in the country, the four of us hung around together, although Porticia borrowed her father's car most of the time as there were only three seats in the front of my van. Not that Porticia wanted to lower herself to ride in it anyway. I steadfastly refused to ride in Porticia's father's car, because once they were away from her house, George was doing the driving. Dee always rode with me.

I've got to say, that it was with some sick amusement that I watched him drive out of a pub car park one evening, straight into the front of a bus. I was sounding my horn and I think that was why the bus driver managed to bring the bus to a standstill before George drove into it. So there wasn't too much damage. George had tried to drive along the wrong side of the road, a common mistake for foreigners to make.

As I had surmised, George was not insured to drive the car and wasn't in possession of an international licence, although the police appeared happy to accept his American licence. Once Porticia's father arrived at the scene I took Dee home. I don't know what ramifications there were to the incident. George flew home the following weekend.

September was on us before we really knew what was happening. Suddenly my tatty old van took on a new significance. Both Tish and Dee had to get all of their gear to the flat they were sharing at Uni. Suddenly Porticia was quite happy to travel in my van once all her junk was staked in the back along with Dee's.

Porticia was on the "not favourite daughter list" with her father, after he discovered his new Saab buried in the front of that bus. So he hadn't volunteered to drive her up.

All too soon the girls were gone. Not that I cared a toss about Tish being away again, but I was soon missing Dee. Hey, I wasn't the only one missing her. In all the time we'd been going out together, I'd been invited to Dee's house for a meal once. And I really think that was only because I needed to ask her father for her hand in marriage officially.

The week after the girls' left, Dee's mother called me and invited me to Sunday lunch. As I've said, I appeared to get on just fine with Dee's mother and her sister who was still following me around like a puppy. Now Dee's father started calling me son and even asked me to join him in a round of golf, not one of my sports. But I could see I was going to have to take it up after Dee and I were married. Got to keep thes happy.

I figured there was a little bit of an ulterior motive in these invitations to meals on the weekends. When Dee came home every month to visit, we would spend a lot of time at her parents' house, now that I was a regular, and apparently welcome, visitor there.

Once a month I drove up to spend the weekend with Dee. Although that wasn't how it usually worked out. Most of the time Tish was with us, and her main topic of conversation was George and how she was going back to the States to marry him when she had her degree.

Tish also had the infuriating habit of coming home with Dee as well. She slept at her parents' house but appeared to spend most of her time at Dee's parents' place. Well, let's be precise; she spent most of her time wherever Dee was. That included the little time Dee spent at my flat.

By the time Christmas came around, plans for our marriage were in full swing. Um, let's be fair; Dee's mother was just about organising everything, along with Estelle that is. I think Dee and I were just agreeing to everything that they wanted to do. Hey, I wasn't paying. It was Dee's old man who was footing the bill. 

I would just say, "Are you all right with this, Frank?" 

He'd nod and say, "Wait till it's your turn, son. Take my advice and only have boys!" 

I suppose he wasn't a bad old stick really. As far as Estelle was concerned, this marriage was only a rehearsal for what she termed as "The big one!" Frank would look at me and raise his eyebrows when she said that.


Choices: Someone to Watch Over Me



Well, everything was going along just great until just after Easter when Porticia got the bleeding "Dear Jane" letter. You know what I mean; George dumped her for some other girl. I told you he was a bastard. Porticia wasn't my favourite person but I saw that letter. He was an insensitive arsehole or asshole as they say over there.

It was a few weeks later that Dee first said she wanted to put back the wedding. Porticia was originally getting married a couple of weeks before us. Now Dee wanted to put our wedding back a month or so because Tish was upset.

The girls graduated and moved back home (my van again). They both got jobs pretty quickly. Nothing special in local banks - oh, different banks. I was of course still juggling college and work; although I was working on my own a lot more. I even had a couple of blokes working for me on occasion.

I would generally see Dee most days to start with, but as time went on she took to going out with Tish first one night a week and then two. Then suddenly she stopped meeting me after my night classes. So now she was with Tish three nights a week. Not that anything untoward was going on. I was too well known in town for anyone to get clever with my girl and that was what Dee was known as by then.

Okay, the month or so the wedding was put back, became until after Christmas. As Christmas approached Dee wanted to put it back further until Easter. Now up until that point I'd been patient, I realised that Tish was her friend, but it seemed to me that we were going to have to wait until Tish found herself another mug, before Dee was going to walk up the aisle with me. 

It all came to a head in early December. I arrived at Dee's house to pick her up around seven thirty. Dee and Tish were car sharing, going to work. That night neither had come home yet. Dee hadn't called me to put me off and neither had called home to tell their parents of any change of plan. 

I was not a happy bunny and went looking for Dee's car. It wasn't hard to find, as our town isn't very big. I found it in the car park of one of the pubs on the outskirts of town. Inside I discovered Dee and Tish sitting there with some Prat. They were so enthralled with the line of shit he was throwing Tish, that they didn't notice me enter.

I brought a drink and positioned myself on the other side of the room. I sat watching as a meal arrived for them and they all sat and ate it. I did note that Dee was drinking only non-alcoholic drinks. It was gone nine before they got up to leave. Both girls were apparently still enthralled with everything that came out of the arsehole's mouth. Jesus, talk about a line of bullshit. SAS, my arse; the Wanker wouldn't know one end of a gun from the other.

They must have got right out to her car before Dee spotted my van parked alongside it. She came dashing back in and looked around for me. I was at that time in conversation with a couple of guys I knew.

"Roger, how long have you been here?" Dee asked as she came up to my table. Followed by Tish and the Wanker.

Slowly I looked up at her. "Since about eight o'clock. My fiancée stood me up this evening, so I thought I'd have a quiet drink by myself."

"Why didn't you come over and join us? You must have seen us sitting there."

"Oh, I did, don't you worry. But you didn't really want me along, did you? If you had, you would have called and invited me to join the party, wouldn't you? What was it? Does the flash little Git fancy a threesome, or something?"

"How can you say such a thing? Rodney invited Tish out this evening and Tish didn't want to go on her own as she doesn't know him that well."

"Well, why no phone call to me or even your mother?"

"I forgot, that's all."

"Well, I forgot to tell you I was here, okay? Now you'd better drive your friend's home; they appear to be waiting for you. And make sure you drop the arsehole off first, I wouldn't trust that little bullshitter as far as I could throw him."

"Who are you calling a bullshitter?" The Prat demanded.

"You, you slimy little Git."

The pantomime began. Yes, I was childishly taking my frustrations out on the little Prat, but he really should have kept his bleeding mouth shut. If he had, he could well have got out of it with some dignity. Anyway he had been telling the girls how much of a tough guy he was all bleeding night. Anyone in the SAS can handle themselves, even the bloody pen pushers.

Once we took the argument out in the car park and there wasn't an audience anymore, he wasn't so brave. As a matter of fact, he did a runner, after trying to slam the pub's door in my face. The automatic gas closer prevented that.

"Did you have to do that? Tish liked him." Dee demanded.

"I didn't do anything, Dee. The little tosspot talked himself into a corner and then into a fight that he didn't hang around to have. All I did was to get stood up by my fiancée and went out for a quiet drink to drown my sorrows. Good night!" I returned to the bar to finish my pint.

Dee came back inside for no more than a minute of so. She and Tish had a whispered conversation and then they left. Well, the train was blowing its bloody whistle as it came roaring out of that bleeding tunnel

The following evening I didn't go round to Dee's house at the usual time to pick her up. At half eight, she let herself in the door of my flat.

"What's up with you? Why didn't you pick me up? We were supposed to be going to see that film this evening."

"Oh, I forgot?"

"Don't talked rubbish. This is about last night, isn't it?"

"Not exactly. This is about you and me. And your friendship with Tish."

"What has Tish got to do with it?"

"Everything. If Porticia weren't around, we'd be married by now. But for some reason you've decided not to marry me until Tish finds some mug to marry her. Well, I'm not waiting anymore. The wedding goes off in February or there's not going to be a wedding. Secondly you will see Porticia just two nights a week from now on. The two evenings that I'm at college."

"You can't make demands like that."

"Oh, but I can. I'm supposed to be the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. But you worry more about Tish than you do about me. Now I suggest you go home and think about what you really want. You can bring me my answer tomorrow night. I'll be here until ... shall we say nine o'clock?"

"But Tish and I are going to that rock concert tomorrow night. Its Porticia's favourite group. She'll be really upset to miss them, and I know she won't go alone. I won't have time to come here before we go."

"Then I have my answer already. It's your choice, Dee, Porticia or me. Think about it if you will. If you're not here tomorrow evening before nine, everything's off. You can either keep or sell the ring. I wouldn't want it in my flat; it would have too many bad memories." 

Dee tried to talk me around but I refused to listen to her. To be honest I was tired of being a fish on the line. Either we got married or I would have to cut my losses.

As I expected, Dee tried to circumvent things. My phone was ringing when I got home from work. Caller ID told me it was from Dee's house. I ignored it. It rang at regular intervals until six when she was due to leave for the concert. Ten-past-six it rang again, the caller ID told me it was from Porticia's parent's house. The phone rang a couple more times a little later, I assume from call boxes as the ID was withheld. Call boxes in the local theatre are set up like that. 

At nine I left the flat and went over to a friend's flat from where I could watch mine. Brian's a nice old boy who had really become like a surrogate father to me. I'm afraid that letting my bedroom to a lodger without even asking or telling me first had almost completely destroyed my relationship with my father and family. 

It was gone twelve when Dee's car pulled into the car park. Dee got out, followed by Tish and the little shit from the previous evening. Dee went up to my flat, which was all in darkness; the other two waited by the car. She let herself in and I watched lights going on and off as she searched the flat for me.

Dee went back down to her car, where she talked with the other two for a while. Then Tish and the guy got into Dee's car and drove off; Dee then returned to the flat. I made myself comfortable on Brian's sofa. He did suggest I go home and talk it out with Dee, but I figured she'd made her decision at six o'clock. I wasn't prepared to play second fiddle to Porticia in Dee's affections, no matter what it cost me.

Brian could see the car park from his bedroom and he came out to tell me that Dee's car had returned about half an hour later. I went back into his kitchen and watched Tish go up and into the flat. Dee obviously wanted some moral support.

By eight thirty in the morning, neither girl had left the flat. Actually I'd painted myself into a bit of a corner. There was no way I could get out of Brian's flat without them seeing me. Now I know I was playing silly games, but I wanted them to be wondering where I was.

It was obvious that neither girl was going to work that day; they were planning on waiting me out, after all I'd have to put an appearance in to get my van, well, that's how I think their minds were working. The masterstroke I came up with to get past that one was to call a guy who was working for me. I had him come round and drive my van to the site where we were supposed to be working that day.

It worked like a dream; it was only when the old van's engine started that the girls realised what was going on. They came running down the stairs and jumped into Dee's car then set off in hot pursuit of the van. I suppose they thought I was driving it.


I went down and got into my car. Now that was something they didn't know about. I'd finally bought the car that Dee and I were supposed to be going on honeymoon in. I drove it over to the house I'd bought, another secret from Dee. This was the house I thought we were going to start our married life in. At that moment in time, it looked like a building site, as the guys hadn't finished yet. Well, I'd kept putting the date back every time the wedding date went back. There wasn't much to finish so I got stuck in there for the day and slept there that night.

The following day was a college day for me and I couldn't miss it. Although the building work was coming along just great and I was earning extremely well, I still had designs on becoming an architect. Having the car that Dee didn't know about was my saving grace that day; several times I spotted both girls around the college but they didn't see me or even know I was there.

I've got to say that at this juncture, if Dee had been alone I most probably would have spoken to her. Possibly we could have sorted things out, but I somehow doubt it. Porticia's presence prevented me from going to Dee.

That evening I called the flat. Brian had just called me and told me that Porticia had left Dee there alone.

"Roger, where are you?"

"That's none of your business, Dee."

"Roger, I'm sorry, but I couldn't let Porticia go to that concert alone."

"But she wouldn't have been alone, would she, Dee? She had that little shit with her, or was he with you?" 

"He's Tish's boyfriend. You know that I'm your girl."

"You were at one time, Dee, but you're not anymore. Tell me, did you tell your mother to go ahead with the February wedding date."

"Well, no, I didn't. You were acting so strange the other night."

"No, Dee! You're the one who's acting strange. I told you, last night was your chance to decide whom you wanted to be with, Porticia or me. You chose Porticia. It's over between us. There's nothing left to say."

"But I couldn't leave my friend on her own!"

"Why not? She left you on your own when she went to the States, didn't she? Do you think she cared about you, when she was planning to marry that Wanker she met over there? Dee, I'm not playing second fiddle to Porticia for the rest of my life. Its over, the engagement is off, the wedding is off and you are out of my life. Goodbye and please leave that flat tidy; I don't live there anymore as you've no doubt noticed by now."

"Where are you living, Roger?"

"In the house I had bought for your wedding present. But you chose not to live here with me. Good bye, Dee. I hope you find what you are looking for." 

With that I hung up the phone.

-----------------------------------------

It was the following evening that Dee's father and mother paid me a call. Of course they knew about the house. I discussed almost everything with them. In my opinion, my relationship with Dee's father had always been tenuous to say the least. So I thought that telling them about the house was a wise thing to do. They had kept my secrets from Dee. Both the car and the house were supposed to have been my wedding surprises for her.

I was surprised that they actually understood my position. It became apparent to me that, although I didn't think I would have been Dee's father's first choice for a son, they actually hoped that Dee's affection for me would separate her from Porticia. As it turned out, that didn't happen. It was a very sad parting that evening and they wished me the best.

I gather they never told Dee they knew about the house, where it was, or that they had come to see me. They told me straight out that they felt that they wouldn't ask me to change my mind and take Dee back. They had hoped Dee's love for me would break the hold Porticia seemed to have over her. But now they had come to believe Dee would always be under Porticia's influence.

Dee did try to speak to me whenever she saw me for the next few months. The trouble was, she was always in Porticia's company when she did see me; I had no intention of talking to her in that girl's presence. 

I also gathered she was still telling people that we were engaged. There she ran into a problem; I had moved on with my life, or to put it more truthfully I was trying to move on and I was not finding it easy. I had started dating other girls, more than anything to try and take my mind off of Dee. I must add not very successfully. 

However one of the girls I had gone out with, who apparently had designs on making it a permanent arrangement, just happened to overhear Dee tell someone else that we were still engaged. From what I heard, that encounter apparently resulted in a real cat-fight. But after that I never heard any more reports of Dee claiming we were still engaged.

-------------------------------------------------

Time passed as it inevitably does. At the end of that year of college, I gave up on the idea of becoming an architect. The reason I gave everyone was that my building work had really taken off in a really big way, as in truth, it had. I'm not sure where my reputation for quality workmanship actually came from, but apparently I had built one. 

In truth, Dee had signed up for a design course that I needed to take; I saw her name on the list when I went to register for that next year. Don't ask me how she talked her way into that course, but she did. I decided not to register!

I threw myself into my new and expanding business. Funny that I had started working for myself so that I could do my architect thing, as it gave me the opportunity to choose my own working hours to suit my studies. Suddenly I was one of the most respected small builders in town and run off my feet with work.

I didn't see much of Dee or Tish. Estelle would turn up at my house every so often. I think, she made it pretty plain that she thought she was in the running for becoming Dee's replacement in my heart. Looking back I think I did love Estelle, but as I would a sister, not as a prospective life partner. So I told her that would never happen. 

At the time, I knew I liked the girl and felt a genuine affection for her, but if I had gotten emotionally involved with her, I would be forever running into Dee. That would have made life too complicated and was something I wanted to avoid. As time went on, I saw less and less of Estelle.

It must have been nearly two years after I broke up with Dee that I met up with Shirley. Again, she was an old friend from my schooldays. But whereas Dee and Tish had been a year behind me, in my brother's class, Shirley had been one of my peers. We'd gotten on well together in school and I suppose if I hadn't gone off to my Uncle Harry's we might have gotten together sooner.

Shirley was always a good laugh to be with - well, she always had been. At school she did have a little bit of a reputation for putting out, but I had never gone after her on those grounds. Shirley was just fun to be with, especially now.

Now I'm not claiming I felt the same way about Shirley as I had done about Dee. I know I quickly grew to love Shirley; but Dee had been my first real love. Many people have told me that your first love is something different and I have cause to agree with them.

Anyway eight months after we got together, Shirley and I married in the local registry office. It wasn't the big affair that Dee's mother had planned for Dee and I, but it was what we wanted - well, needed actually. Time was always going to be a very important factor in Shirley's and my relationship. 

You see it was shortly after we started going together that Shirley was diagnosed with cancer. It went into remission after she had her first batch of chemotherapy, right after the wedding. But it was the sword of Damocles' hanging over us.

The next five years of my life, I devoted to Shirley and building my business. Even in her condition, Shirley was always fun to be with and she did me the honour of presenting me with two wonderful daughters. It was in our fifth year as man and wife, that Shirley's cancer returned with a vengeance. Chemo did little this time except make Shirley feel pretty terrible. In the end she made the decision to refuse any further treatment, other than painkillers. We managed to spend another three years together before she finally took her leave of us.

Our two daughters took it in their stride; their mother had prepared them for that day from the moment they had been born. It was them who really supported me that cold January day of the funeral. It was also them who invited everyone back to the house for the wake. Six and seven year olds, taking charge of almost everything. Whilst their father wondered around in a daze, feeling sorry for himself. Shirley had done a really good job with them.

My company had done a lot of renovation work for the church at a discount, as it was Shirley's church. Personally I'm not really into the religion thing. We'd rebuilt the boundary wall after an old Yea tree had died and fallen on it. The tree had been there many hundreds of years. Its demise and removal had left a few new grave plots very near the churches main door.

I'd spoken to the vicar and reserved one of these newly available plots for Shirley. Shirley was a lively person and I thought she would like having a plot near to where everything was going on. I thought she deserved that. Well, whether I believe or don't believe, it was Shirley's Grave. Although I suppose one day, I'll be in there with her. Of course I'd never mentioned it to Shirley.

Of those who came back to the house, I was surprised to find Dee's father Frank and Estelle amongst them. They both gave me their condolences personally, they also told me that Dee's mother was ill in hospital or she would have been there with them. As a result of that conversation, a few days later I called into the hospital to see her.

She was actually in the same ward that Shirley had been in during her last days. I had been too preoccupied with my wife to notice her or anyone else who was in there. Luckily, Dee's mother was recovering from her illness, although I never did find out exactly what it had been. 




Choices: Someone to Watch Over Me



Katherine - as she now insisted I call her; whilst I'd been courting Dee I'd always called her mum or Mrs Clough - asked me if I'd take my two girls to see her when she got home. Apparently she'd spoken to Shirley often in her last days and Shirley had talked about the children and me all the time. I don't suppose I'll ever know what those conversations between Shirley and Katherine were really about.

I wasn't allowed to take the children into the hospital to see Katherine, as they were too young, and were not her direct relatives. What stupid rules these places have? Both girls had been in there almost everyday to see their mother.

Katherine informed me that Dee was not living at home anymore, so there would be no chance of us accidentally running into each other. That was the only time she mentioned Dee - or Mercedes as she always called her - to me.

So three weeks later, I took my two girls to meet the people who were to become like grand parents to them. Not forgetting Estelle who became a kind of surrogate auntie. As a matter of fact, Estelle started turning up at my house all the time again; so often in fact that my neighbours thought that there was something going on between us. 

That is until her boyfriend Russell started turning up with her as well. He was a nice guy who was dying with impatience to marry Estelle, but for some reason she was keeping him hanging on, much like her sister did me. They were both very helpful to me when it came to looking after the girls. I had had some thoughts of hiring a nanny, but I was trying to get by without one if I could. These were my girls; I didn't want a stranger looking after them too much 

Once Russell told me about how frustrated he was getting with Estelle not making her mind up about marrying him. I had a quiet word with her and told her to think very carefully about what had happened between Dee and myself. 

I asked Estelle why she was not grabbing a really nice guy while she had the chance. Her answer was one that I couldn't understand. "You really don't know, do you?" 

Well, I didn't have an answer for that question. But whatever, a couple of weeks later Estelle finally named the day. Russell, apparently convinced that I'd talked Estelle into accepting his proposal of marriage, asked me to be his best man and I said yes. 

Was that a mistake, I guess I'll never really know. It stood to reason that Dee would be there. I wasn't sure how either of us was going to handle that. It was a question I chose not to worry Estelle with.

The day of the wedding was a beautifully sunny June day. I was standing with Russell at the front of the church, as Mendelssohn's wedding march began to play. My two girls were Estelle's bridesmaids and were being shepherded by the maid of honour, Marion, another old school friend of ours. Marion and I were quite good friends at school; it crossed my mind that Estelle might have been trying to play matchmaker.

Estelle went out of her way to give me a big smile as she approached Russell at the altar, then she turned her attention to her husband-to-be.

It was about halfway through the service that there was somewhat of a commotion at the back of the church. I cringed as I heard a loud American voice that I recognised. Then they came clomping down the side aisle to take their seats amongst Estelle's family and friends. 

I tried not to look, but you know what it's like, a quick glance confirmed that it was Porticia and George who had arrived late. I actually heard Estelle say "Shit". The poor girl had forgotten she was wearing a radio-microphone, so most of the people in the congregation must have heard her say it as well. It's a shame that some of them didn't take the hint, and leave. I was curious as to why they'd been invited in the first place.

The disturbance over, the service carried on to its normal conclusion. As we began parading out of the church Katherine turned to me. "God, we never thought they would have the cheek to turn up, the insensitive buggers. We thought we were safe in sending them an invite as they live in America."

It was as we got near the back of the church, that I saw her sitting there flanked by a couple of other women. Dee did not look very happy. And her presence obviously surprised Katherine, because Kathy's step faltered for a moment, but then she soon recovered her poise and with a smile and little nod to Dee, she continued with the parade. Dee avoided eye contact with me, or did I avoid eye contact with her? 

It was obvious to me that something had happened in this family that I knew nothing about. I knew that they had never mentioned Dee to me since I'd been reunited with them, but I'd put that down to them being sensitive to my feelings. That, it appeared, was obviously not the case.

Outside the church, we had the obligatory photo call. I noted that Dee was not in the line up. I saw Estelle motion for her to join the line a couple of times, but Dee didn't move. In the end Estelle looked over at me and gestured with her eyes and head. 


She didn't have to say anything; I knew what she wanted. Slipping off to one-side, I circled the watching crowd until I was behind Dee. Taking her firmly by the arm, I marched her into the line up. 

"Take that frown off your face and smile, woman. This is your sister's wedding!" I said to her, in the best form of commanding tone as I could whisper.

"What have I got to smile about?" Dee replied.

"A damn sight more than my wife has. That was her grave you were almost standing on back there!" Dee wasn't really, but I think that did the trick by reminding Dee that other people had worse problems than she did.

"Oh, my god, I'm sorry, Roger," Dee blurted out.

"Well, don't be. Just remember you're alive, so you have got something to smile about."

One of the ushers, who was on the ball, threw me a small bouquet, the same as my girls were carrying and I pushed it into Dee's hands, before I regained my position in the line. I think Dee did manage a smile, but she didn't look like the happiest girl in the world.

The photo call over, I started herding people into the limousines that were taking everyone to the reception. Oh, my two girls demanded a cuddle and I had to tell them both how wonderful and clever they had been. As they got into their car, I noted my girls no longer had their bouquets.

Dee had disappeared back into the crowd again after the photo-call, which was somewhat to my relief. I suppose one of the ushers must have found her a seat in one of the cars. 

Porticia came up and said hello. I'm afraid I can't repeat what I said to her and that arsehole George. And no, I wasn't in the slightest interested in how they got back together again.

Before I left the church, I went over to Shirley's grave. There were three small bouquets of flowers lying there by then, along with the large bouquet I'd put there when I'd arrived. I had a quick word with her as I always did when I was there. Funny how we do that, isn't it. I've got no belief in the afterlife, but I will stand by Shirley's grave and talk to her as if she's actually there and can hear me.

At the hotel where the reception was being held, it really became obvious that Dee's presence had not been expected. After Katherine had left the welcoming line, she was dashing around rearranging the seating on the top table to fit Dee in. I helped her, but I did not think it was the time to enquire what had occurred in the family.

Once the meal and the speeches were over, I thought I could relax a little. You know when someone asks you to be his best man; you tend to say yes without thinking about everything that is involved. I know that I wasn't prepared for what Russell said about me in his speech. He announced to all and sundry that Estelle had had a crush on me for years and he thanked me for persuading her to marry him instead. 

In my speech I had to tell everyone that I'd only know the guy a few months. But my daughters had assured me he was a suitable husband for Estelle. Both my girls liked Russell and Estelle a lot.

Right with all that out of the way, the dancing started. Estelle and Russell first, followed by the parents. Then it was my turn with the bridesmaids. Marion was wonderful with them. We both picked up a girl each, and then we danced around in a foursome, my girls' thought that was great. Then Estelle and Russell joined us. I don't think there's ever been a waltz danced like that before.

I noted that Dee had chosen to sit with the girls she'd been in the church with, well away from the family table where her parents and I were sitting.

Later Estelle came up and asked me to dance with her. I took the opportunity to ask her what the story was with Dee.

"Not now, Roger. I'll meet you in reception in about ten minutes and tell you all about it there. Someone might overhear us out here."

I somehow doubted it but she was the boss on this one. After our dance, I watched as she went over to Russell. They had a quick chat and I saw him nodding his head in agreement. Then Estelle made her way to the ladies' powder room. I knew that it had another door to the foyer so I went out there to meet her.

We sat down in a corner and she began.

"When you and Dee broke up, mum and dad went mad at her. You know they were always worried about her relationship with Porticia. No, they never thought it was anything sexual or anything like that, if that's what you're thinking. They had never liked the influence Porticia seemed to have over Dee. Then you came along and, well, they were over the moon."

"Hang on. Frank wasn't that keen on me."

"Don't you kid yourself. Dad thought you were the greatest thing since sliced bread. He just enjoyed playing the proud father part and he thought that, if he was too enthusiastic, he might scare you off. But who do you think was telling everyone that you were the greatest builder in the world. Oh, he still does that every chance he gets, by the way.

"Anyway when Dee started messing you around, you know, putting the wedding date back and the like, he - well, all of us really - kept on warning Dee that she was going to lose you if she wasn't careful. Well, it happened, didn't it! You got fed up with waiting and called the whole thing off.

"There were only two people to blame, that was Dee and Porticia. Oh, Porticia was always telling Dee she could do better than you. And to make you wait until Dee was ready. Of course it wasn't Dee who was going to have to be ready; it was until Porticia didn't need her anymore. Dee never could see how Porticia used her."

"Hang on. You invited Porticia to your wedding."

"We didn't have much choice really; Porticia's father is a business partner of daddy's. But we didn't think she and that ignorant pig she's married to would actually have the front to turn up." 

"So what happened between the family and Dee?"

"Ah, that's a really sore point. About a year or so after you broke up with Dee - I think it was just after you married Shirley - George turned up again and asked Porticia to marry him. I don't know what happened with that other tart of his; perhaps she realised what kind of a person he is. Of course, Porticia jumped at the chance and before anyone knew what was happening, they were married and living in the States.

"Poor old Dee was dumped, just like she was when Porticia went off on that break year. I think it was then that she realised how Porticia used her. She'd lost the only man she ever loved because she hadn't wanted to desert her friend who repaid her by dropping Dee like a stone when she found herself a man.

"I'm afraid Dee went a bit weird after that happened. You know she had a breakdown, don't you? Oh, you didn't! Porticia dumping her right after you married Shirley was too much for her to take. You know that Porticia had Dee convinced you'd come crawling back to her when she decided she wanted to go ahead with the marriage. Well, your marriage to Shirley had burst that little bubble.

"Poor Dee needed someone to blame, so she blamed the family. Of course that didn't make any sense, but she blamed us. Just like she did when Samantha went."

"Sorry, Estelle, you've lost me there. Who the hell is Samantha when she's at home?"

"Oh, God, hasn't anyone ever told you about Sam. She was Dee's twin. Oh, hell, I didn't know you didn't know about her. Sam and Dee were identical twins; Sam died from meningitis when they were eight or nine. Dee took it very bad really. They were inseparable; honestly you couldn't tell them apart. Dee went very funny for a year or so after Sam passed away. 

"Then Dee took up with Porticia. We all thought them being together was great for a long time because we had the old Dee back. Well, that was until mum and dad realised that Tish was using Dee. Dee seemed to be at Tish's beck and call. Look, I was quite young when Sam died. Mother should be the one to tell you about Sam.

"Anyway after Tish went off, Dad had to put Dee into a clinic for a while. They straightened her out pretty quickly really. But she felt very guilty about the way she had behaved towards us, in blaming us for her own mistakes, and never could bring herself to face us again. She felt so guilty about it and she moved away, up to London.

"Mind you, I've got to tell you that feeling she couldn't face us was not the only reason she moved away. It was also so that she wouldn't risk running into you and Shirley around town. I'm sorry but that's why we cut you off as well. If we didn't know how things were going with you, we couldn't slip up and say the wrong thing when we did see Dee. The trouble was, we rarely did see her.

"Then Mother met Shirley in the hospital. We were all devastated when we heard the news. You know Mother used to talk to Shirley a lot in there, don't you? Ah, well, you do now! Shirley knew who Mother was, you know. She asked Mother to look after you and the girls."

"Hold on, hold on. You're supposed to be telling me why your mother was so surprised that Dee turned up here today. It was obvious to me that she didn't think Dee was coming."

"Well, some of our old girlfriends talked Dee into coming down the other day for my hen night. She looked better than she has for years that night and we were getting on quite well together. But then one of the girls mentioned you were Russell's best man and well, Dee kind of lost it!

"She almost went into hysterics and said she couldn't be here today, if you were going to be here also. So we assumed she wasn't coming, she was really adamant the other night. Mother changed the seating around so the empty chair wouldn't advertise Dee's absence."

"But you only had to say and I would have bowed out...."

"We know, we know! You're a wonderful person, Roger. But we felt we couldn't disappoint the girls. They were so looking forward to being my bridesmaids. Weren't they wonderful?"

"Yes, I was very proud of them. Their mother would have been proud if she could have seen them."

"I'm sure she would have. I wish I could have known her. From what Mother says, she was a wonderfully brave woman and she was lucky to have had you as her husband. 

"Anyway the girls must have managed to talk Mercedes around. I know they worked on her all yesterday. And now I'm going to ask a favour of you. You can say no if you like." 

"On your wedding day? You know I couldn't refuse you anything."

"You've just made a mistake that I hope you'll not regret and I'm going to hold you to your promise. I want you to dance with Dee for me. Russell has danced with her a couple of times but she won't join the family on our table. I think partly because you and the girls are sitting there. But I know that she will not be able to refuse you anything. That's why I asked you to get her to join us for the photos. Thanks for doing that for me, by the way."

"You know, I'll do anything for you today, kiddo. But I don't know Estelle. Supposing Dee won't dance with me. Or she throws a wobbly or something."

"No, I think Russell and I have it planned. When he sees us go back in, he's going to ask Dee to dance again. You will dance with me. Between us we should be able to collide with each other on the dance floor and then we will change partners. It'll be coup d'état or whatever they call it. Dee will not know what's happening until it's all over. I'm sure Dee won't refuse to dance with you once you've got your arms around her.

"Then when the song finishes you take her over and sit her by Mother and Father. I'm sure once she's there at our table she won't walk away from it again."

"Ah, you sure this is a good idea, Estelle?"

"To be honest, Roger, I don't know. But Dee needs to realise that we, the family, don't hold a grudge against her and hopefully you don't either. I thought things were going on so well the other night at my hen party but the mention of you kind of undid things a little. Well, I'm hoping the Roger effect will work both ways."

"Go on then, lead the way. Lead the lamb to the slaughter."

"Oh, Roger, don't be like that!"

"Go on, girl. I'm only funning you."

"Oh, Roger, I've got to tell you that Mother's coming to see you in the morning as well, she's got something for you. You will be in, won't you?"

"Yes, I should imagine so. The girls are so worked up they will probably be awake all night."

Estelle took my arm and I led her back into the main hall. As if on cue, the band started playing a waltz and we mingled with the other dancers. Very quickly, I saw that Russell had got Dee up on the floor and he was guiding her inexorably in our direction.

The slight bump and swift change over of partners did indeed take Dee completely by surprise. For a moment, I believe she didn't realise what had happened, then she went very stiff, as she became aware of my presence.

"Come on, Dee, you can dance better than that. Just relax and let go." 

Relax she did. For one horrible moment I thought she was going to faint. But she regained herself and maybe snuggled in a little too close. I realised she was leaning against me and wasn't too steady on her feet. As the waltz ended I led – well, half carried; it was like she was drunk - her to the chair beside her mother. Frank came over and sat the other side of her.

I withdrew and sat myself by my daughters at the same table, who demanded to know where I'd been. The band was quite loud and I couldn't hear what Dee and her parents were saying to each other, but it was nice to see Dee talking to her parents.

Around eleven, I thought I'd better take my girls' home. It was way past their normal bedtime and they'd had a long busy day. As I said my goodnights, Estelle and her mother touched cheeks with me and kissed the girls. My girls also kissed Dee goodnight along with the others, but I don't think they had any idea who she was.

As I had guessed it would be, it was a long night. Tired as my girls were that night, they were more hyped up than I'd ever seen them in the past and they had a lot of trouble getting to sleep.

The following morning, the girls and I got up pretty late. Well, let's be honest here; the girls were up way before me. It was a bright sunny day and they drove me nuts to get out of bed so they could get into the swimming pool. They were good kids; they wouldn't go into the back garden where the pool was if an adult wasn't present. Something else Shirley had instilled into their psyche.

Just before noon Katherine and Frank came walking around the side of the house; the girls and I got out of the pool to greet them. It was strange how the girls had taken to Katherine and Frank. I think I told you that there was a rift in my family; my parents doted on my brother's children, but hardly wanted to know mine. Shirley's folks had retired to the south coast before her problem was diagnosed. We visited with each other quite often but the children had never bonded with them, like they appeared to have bonded with the Cloughs'.




Choices: Someone to Watch Over Me



After the children settled down and I'd supplied everyone with cold drinks. Katherine asked me if we could have a word in private. She said Frank would look after the girls. Actually by the time I'd come out with the cold drinks Frank was already in the pool with them. He must have been wearing his swimsuit under his sports trousers when he arrived.

I led Katherine into the lounge from where we could still see the children and Frank playing with them. Once we'd seated ourselves, Katherine opened the bag she was carrying and produced and envelop from it.

"Shirley asked me to wait six months after she ... anyway, she asked me to give it to you. She wrote a lot of it herself before ... Well, she was very bad towards the end as you well know and she found writing difficult. She dictated some of it to me."

Katherine held out the envelope, which I took from her and began to open.

"I'll go outside with the others whilst you read it. If you want to talk about anything you know I'm here for you."

I unfolded the pages of the letter, some of which were covered with Shirley's gradually deteriorating scrawl and others apparently in Katherine's neat hand.

Hi, lover boy,

How are you and our girls getting on without me? I know that when you read this I'll have been gone for six months. Well, that's how long I have asked Kathy to hang on to it before she gives it to you.

This is very hard for me to write; I'm not sure I even know what I want to say to you, or how to say it. Please forgive me if it doesn't sound right.

Roger, I feel guilty not only for leaving you, but also for marrying you in the first place, and bringing all my problems into your life. We'd only been dating a couple of weeks when the doctor gave me the news. It took me sometime to decide whether to tell you about it or not. I was frightened you'd stick by me because of some twisted sense of duty. You know you are that kind of man! 

But I must tell you I loved you and I know you loved me for myself. When you encouraged me to have the girls, although you knew you were most likely going to have the job of raising them alone, I knew that it wasn't pity you felt for me but real love. I'm sorry I can never repay you for all that love that you have showed to me. 

Roger, I have loved you more than any man I have ever known. I know that you do not believe there is an afterlife; but I hope one day you are proved wrong and we shall meet again.

There, that's the worst part over with. Now I must ask you to think of the rest of your life and my our girls' lives. I'm going to ask you to do me a big favour. I'm going to ask you to find another mother for our girls. They are going to need a mother around when they get older and you are going to need a companion for yourself.

Having met Katherine, I think I even know who the best candidate probably is and I think that in your heart, you know as well. Katherine has told me a lot about Mercedes and you and what happened between the two of you back then. From what Kathy has told me, I'm sure that Mercedes did and still does love you, but she was under that horrible girl's influence. I know it's not a nice thing to say, but in fact that did work out in my favour, even though I know it upset you at the time. They say that the Lord moves in strange ways.

Please think about finding Mercedes again. Show her the compassion and love that you've showed me in the last few years and hopefully she will love you and my girls as much as I do. Roger, I know that she loves you.

At this point the letter changed to Katherine's hand

Katherine and Frank have become good friends of mine since I've been in hospital this time. I've also gotten to know Estelle who came to see me the other day. Estelle loves you as well. God, you are a lucky man. All these people, whose lives you've touched, love you. 

Kathy assures me that she is going to keep a friendly eye on you and our girls. You know that they haven't got any grandchildren yet and they assure me they will treat our girls as if they are their own grandchildren. Please allow them to do that whatever happens. Kathy's been a good friend to me during these long lonely nights. 

Anyway if all goes well and you do as I hope you will do, Katherine and Frank will be the girls' real grandparents.

I've got nothing else I can think of to say to you, but thank you, Roger, for loving me and remember, if I can, I will always be watching over you and the girls from wherever I am.

Goodbye, my love, till we meet again.

Shirley

The signature, which had eight crosses scrawled under it - one for each year we'd been together, was in Shirley's shaky hand.

I sat and cried for I don't know how long before Katherine came back into the lounge with a cup of tea for me. I can only assume she'd been watching me read the letter through the lounge window.

I suddenly became aware that I couldn't hear the girls playing in the garden anymore. I must have looked around in panic.

"It's all right. Frank has taken them out in the car to get ice cream; it's plenty warm enough for them to be in their swimsuits today."

"Thanks, Katherine, you obviously know what Shirley says in this letter."

"Yes, but just because I do know, you don't have to do as Shirley suggests where Mercedes is concerned. The content of that letter is private between you and Shirley. They are no business of mine and my lips will always remain sealed as to that letter's content."

"Thank you, Kathy, but tell me, what do you think of Shirley's ideas?"

"I will try not advise you one way or the other, Roger, I am Mercedes' mother. My opinion would be biased and it is your decision to make. But I would think it's only fair to all concerned that you at least get to know Mercedes again before you make any decisions."

"Well, Dee might not want to marry me anymore. We've been apart for some years now."

"I'm trying my hardest not to influence you one way or the other, Roger, but I've got to tell you, yesterday Dee was saying how lovely your girls were and how she wished they were her own children and of course with all the consequences that come from that."

I must have looked confused because I couldn't understand what consequences Katherine was alluding too.

"Damn it, Roger, she was saying she wished she had married you when she had the chance. The girl is heartbroken whenever she sees you!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I understand you now. You know that I still have strong feelings for Dee. Walking away from her was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. As a matter of fact I had to force myself to be angry with her, to almost hate her. I'm not sure I can put those feelings behind me now."

"Are you going to try?"

"Well, of course I am. It was Shirley's last request of me. I can never forget that. But I think I'm going to have to get to know Dee socially again before I can make any decisions. I'm going to need to know if the girls take to her, and how she takes to them, before any thoughts of a relationship between us can be contemplated."

"You're no fool, Roger. I can see that you've got your priorities right. The children must come first, of course. We need to get them together with Dee somehow and watch to see what if any kind of affinity builds between them."

"Yes, I've got to be careful they don't think someone is trying to replace Shirley in their affections. If that should happen, it would be a disaster, for everyone. I don't want to play with Dee's affections and then be forced to walk away again, because the children are unhappy. From what Estelle told me happened with Porticia before ... I couldn't do that to her again!"

Katherine leant towards me and kissed my forehead.

"Shirley really had you taped, didn't she? She said you were the most thoughtful person she had ever come across in her life."

I must have blushed with embarrassment then, because I suddenly felt very hot.

"Well, how are we going to get my girls together with Dee?" Trying to change the subject.

"They were saying something about the pool parties you used to have earlier and how they missed them. Why don't you have one in a couple of weeks' time? Dee is coming back down for a kind of family get-together once Estelle and Russell get back from their honeymoon. It was planned as a bridge building exercise. You know our family has gotten rather disjointed in the last few years.

"If you threw one of your pool parties, Frank and I could help with the cooking and such. Dee would come along without really knowing where we were going, until we got her here. I'm sure she wouldn't want to leave even if she were embarrassed by your presence. You would be busy with the rest of your guests, the girls said you normally have quite a few people here. 

"Estelle and Russell, I know, will be playing with the children and keeping them amused; they love those two little girls. I'll get Estelle to get Dee playing with them as well and we can watch what kind of reaction they have to each other."

"Sounds like a reasonable idea to me. The girls have mentioned pool parties, a couple of times, but without having Shirley here ... well, she was the life and soul of any party we had right up until the end ..." I think my voice faded a little.

"I'm sure Shirley would think it's a wonderful idea. Remember, Roger, she did say she wanted you to find another mother for the girls."

-------------------------------------

At a ridiculously early hour on the Saturday morning - for me anyway - two weeks later I awoke to hear my daughters talking to someone downstairs. After dragging myself out of bed, I found Estelle and Russell unloading all sorts of goodies out of their car.

It was then that I realised just how much effort Shirley had put into these pool do's as she had called them. They had brought along lots of things that I had overlooked; well, I had never had to think about them in the past.

Estelle was to tell me later that Katherine had been given a list of things that I'd forgotten by my girls when she called in the previous evening. I wondered why they hadn't pointed out my oversights to me. When I asked them they said that I was going to be too busy. The lawns needed to be mown before any of the guests arrived. 

"Do as you're told, Roger, and don't ask questions." I thought, 'I told you Shirley had trained them, and me, well.'

Just after lunchtime some of the guys who worked for me began to turn up with their wives and girlfriends. As did some of the neighbours with their children.

Katherine and Frank arrived at about half one, with a very quiet Dee in tow. She looked embarrassed to see me at first but was soon playing with Estelle and the children in the pool. I think she was wearing one of Estelle's bathing suits; it looked kind of familiar.

I spent most of the day circulating, often with Russell as company. I think I heard the story of almost everyday of their honeymoon except for the private stuff. It's speculation but I don't think they got out of bed for the first two days. Well, Russell didn't mention those two days anyway. It's funny but sometimes it's what folks don't say that is the most telling.

Around nine in the evening, I thought it was about time the children went to bed. Russell gave me a nudge as Dee went up with Estelle to settle them down. Half an hour later when the two sisters came back down, I went up to kiss my girls goodnight.

"Is that really her, daddy?" My oldest asked me the moment I got into their bedroom.

"Who are you talking about?" I asked.

"Dee. Is she going to be our new mother?" the younger explained.

"Hold on. Where did you two get the idea that there is going to be a new mummy?"

"Don't be silly, Daddy, Mummy told us a long time ago that you'd find another mother for us."

"Oh, she did, did she? And what else did your mummy tell you that she didn't tell me?" 

"She said that Estelle's sister would probably be our new mother and we were to help you catch her."

"Catch her? What did she mean by that?"

"Mummy said Dee got away the first time and if you got friendly with her again we should help you catch her."

"Oh, god, Shirley, you've really got me set-up, haven't you?"

"Sorry, daddy, I couldn't hear what you said?" 

"Oh, nothing, girls. I was just offering a prayer to your mother. Now give me a kiss goodnight and we'll talk about things tomorrow."

"Is Dee coming over again? We like her."

"I don't know, baby, she might." 

"Well, if she doesn't come over, can we go and visit her?"

There comes a time in everyone's life when you have to admit that you are on a loosing wicket and throw the towel in. I figured that this was my time.

"Okay, girls, if Dee doesn't come to see us tomorrow, we will go and see her; now will you both please go to sleep?"

"Goodnight, Daddy." they said in unison. I'm damn sure I heard them giggle as I left the room.

When I got to the stairs, I halted and sat down on the top step. I could hear the party going on outside and someone doing something in the kitchen. For just a little while I needed some time alone, to think about what my girls had said to me. 

"Bugger, don't talk rubbish, you bleeding idiot. You've got to think about everything; since Shirley passed on, you've been drifting along without much thought about anything." A little voice in my head seemed to say to me. 

It was obvious to me that my girls liked Dee from the moment they saw her. I remembered the way they looked at her at Estelle's wedding. The question was did I like Dee anymore. What a bloody stupid arsed question that was to ask myself! Like her, I loved her; well, I did once, didn't I? 

Although it was me who pushed Dee away, because I was not going to share her affections with Tish. Well, Tish wasn't in the equation anymore. But my girls were. Yeah, I think I could see myself sharing my girls with Dee. Hey, how did that question get turned around?

And if I think back, what was it that Shirley had said to me on more than one occasion? "Half of you is enough for me, Roger!" What did Shirley mean by that statement? Had I never given Shirley all my love? Had she known that there was a place in my heart that belonged to Dee? Damn, that woman could read me like a bleeding book.

Bugger, why does life have to be so bloody complicated? Wouldn't it be nice to be one of those people who see everything in black and white? I seemed to have so many different thoughts going on in my mind at the same time.

Right, Roger; let's think this out logically. Do you love Dee? Yes, I'm damn sure I do. Do the girls love Dee? Well, they've only just got to know her; they certainly appear to like her. That's to be expected; there isn't much to dislike about Dee. But they can't love her yet. They have only just met her, but they do appear to be prepared to accept Dee as a surrogate mother without question.

Or now does Dee like the girls? From what I saw of them together by the pool, she's really taken with them. No, I don't think that was an act; Dee's mind doesn't work that way. No, Dee was having a great time with my girls. I could see them bonding together very quickly.

Now the big one. Does Dee still love you? Well, there's only one way to find out the answer to that, you silly sod. Go and ask her.

--------------------------------------

Back outside, most of the folks who were still there were sitting in a big circle on the patio by the pool. Russell was walking around keeping everybody's drinks topped up whilst Frank was still playing with the Bar-B-Q. Scrubbing it down I think. Frank was a more conscientious cook than I ever was.

As I approached the circle of chairs, Katherine got up and came towards me.

"Mercedes and Estelle are in the kitchen doing some of the washing up. I think this would be a good time for you have a talk with Mercedes alone, whilst she's got her hands in the sink. Don't worry, Estelle will make herself scarce when you get in there."


"Between you and my two girls, you're planning to get Dee and I married off a bit quick, aren't you?"

"Roger, I can assure you that none of us has said anything to Mercedes about you and her getting back together. But I'm afraid the girls were asking her some embarrassing questions earlier. We weren't expecting that."

"So I gather. I think Shirley had been making plans for a long time. I just wish she'd let me in on them. Tell me, Katherine, exactly how long did you know Shirley for; you didn't just meet her on her last stay in hospital, did you?"

"Well. No Roger, we met at the Cancer sufferers support group. Didn't you know?"

"No, Shirley never talked about what went on there. So she was cooking this reconciliation between Dee and me for some time then."

"To be honest, Roger, I don't really know. When she found out who I was, Shirley asked me about you and Dee; I told her the truth, as I saw it. But she did say to me more than once that, if you two got back together, she would not have to worry about you and the girls."

"Damn it, I know for sure now that Shirley knew me far better than I know myself."

"Woman's intuition, Roger. You chose a wonderful wife in Shirley. Now why don't you go and have a quiet word with Mercedes."

I went into the kitchen were Dee was washing whilst Estelle dried. I took the drying cloth from Estelle before Dee had realised I'd entered the room. For a few minutes, Dee carried on washing and placing things on the draining board and I took them to dry them.

Then she suddenly stopped what she was doing. She must have seen my arm taking the plate she'd just put down. She turned and looked at me. 

"Long time since we've done this together, Dee," I said. Dee didn't reply; she just looked at me. I placed the plate in the rack and held out my hand for the next one. Dee passed me the dirty plate that she had been about to wash. 

"Umm, shouldn't it go in the water first?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking," she said as she took the plate back and started to wash it.

"I would say you were thinking, but not about the washing up, Dee. Tell me what were you thinking."

"Do you really want to know?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know."

"I was thinking what a bloody idiot I am."

"And why is that?"

"Well, I had the chance of spending the rest of my life with you and I threw it away. How could I have been that stupid?"

"Maybe you weren't stupid, Dee. My wife Shirley was a believer, not that I've ever been. But she always did say The Lord moves in mysterious ways. Perhaps if he does exist, and I'm not saying he does, he had a job for me to do before we got married. Now I think that job is over and there's a job for you to do now." 

"And what's that?"

"Well, there are two little girls upstairs who are missing a mother. They seem to be of the opinion that you are the chosen one."

Dee looked at me with a confused look in her eye.

"Let's put it this way. They had some nice new dresses they wore as Estelle's bridesmaids, and now they want to wear some more as your bridesmaids."

"Roger, are you asking me to marry you?"

"Well, no, I don't have to ask you that question. I asked you that question years ago; I'm still waiting for you to name the bloody day."

Wrong thing to say. Two plates got broken; the one Dee was washing when she dropped it as she almost fainted and the one I dropped as I went to catch Dee before she fell. 

The sound of the plates breaking brought Katherine and Estelle into the kitchen from the hall, followed by two little tykes who should have been in bed. I got the nasty suspicion that they were all eavesdropping out there. And Frank came running in the back door from the garden.

The picture they were presented with was me, holding Dee in my arms. Katherine and Estelle started crying. My girls, who had big grins on their faces, couldn't understand why they were doing that. Nor could they understand why their daddy and Dee had started crying either.




Choices: Someone to Watch Over Me



"I thought you two were in bed asleep." I managed to say to them once I had got my emotions under control. "Come on, I'll take you back up."

"No, Roger, I'll do it. I've got to get used to looking after them." Dee said as she extracted herself from my embrace. "Come on, girls, we've got lots to talk about."

--------------------------------------

Katherine worked miracles and a month later was our wedding day. Russell and I got to the church early and I asked him to wait whilst I had a word with Shirley. I walked over to her grave alone.

"Well, girl, you set me up good and proper, didn't you. Now this was your idea so I don't want you getting upset with me over it. I think you're right though; Dee will make a great mother for the girls. Look, Shirley, you do realise what you've done here. Dee is going to want some children of her own sometime, so don't you dare hold it against me when we get all cosy with each other. Well, I'd better go now but I'll be back with the girls in a couple of weeks. Dee and I are going away tomorrow for a week or so. But I'll tell you all about it when we get back. Bye for now, babe."

Ten minutes later I was standing before that same alter again. Only this time I'd changed places with Russell. I've got to admit I was surprised that my family, without exception, had all turned out. I think that was Katherine's doing; she can be a very persuasive woman when she wants to be.

The thing I was curious about was, that eight of my workers were all dressed in identical new suits. Most unusual for that lot, unless they got a job lot from somewhere, which I doubted. They were sitting on the ends of the pews by the aisles, not with their respective loved ones. I smelt a rat; they were up to something. 

As the service ended all eight of them got up and left the church before Dee and I had started the parade out. As we walked through the main door, the guys, standing in two neat lines confronted us. Long handled shovels at the shoulder. Someone called out a command and the shovels were first placed at the present and then into a line of arches for Dee and I to walk under.

"You buggers!" I said to them as we stopped under the arches, whilst the photographer took pictures.

"We ain't finished yet, Rog!" one of them said under his breath in reply. I wondered what the buggers had planned next.

Then we had the normal photo call. During the photo call, Dee came into possession of a large bouquet of flowers. When the photographer had finished and we began to make our way toward the waiting limousine, Dee suddenly stopped.

"Will you wait here for me a moment, Roger, there's something I've got to do. Now please don't move."

I stood and watched as Dee walked over to Shirley's grave, and placed the bouquet she was holding on it alongside the one I'd left there before the wedding service. For a few moments she stood there alone. I could tell she was saying something. But I, like everyone else could not hear what she said. I figured it was private, between her and Shirley. Then she signalled to my girls who joined her and placed their small bouquets on their mother's grave as well. Now I realised where the three bouquets came from at Estelle's wedding. Obvious if I'd only thought about it. 

Once Dee rejoined me, we continued our way towards the limousine only to see it move away as we got near. It was replaced by my old Bedford van. The last time I'd seen it was three weeks before when they guys decided our yard needed a clean up, I thought it had gone to the breakers yard. 

Now it stood there looking better than I think I'd ever seen it. Bright new paint work, ribbons hanging from the ladders mounted on the roof rack and a liveried chauffeur at the wheel. The boys opened the sliding side door; they had kited the back out with a sofa for Dee and I to sit on.

"It's a convertible, boss! If you get impatient just pull the lever under the arm and you've got a bed." One of the boys whispered to me, with a smile on his face.

With smiles all round, Dee and I climbed inside. The sliding door was locked in the open position for the short drive to the hotel where the reception was being held.

-------------------------------------------------

That night Dee and I spent our first night together as man and wife. I awoke at some unearthly hour in the morning to the sound of Dee sobbing.

"What's wrong, babe?" I asked. What a stupid inane way to ask her.

"Nothing. I'm just so happy, but I'm annoyed with myself for how I behaved towards you. I thought you would wait forever."

"Well, we're together forever now, so stop dwelling on the past," I said as I took her in my arms and kissed her.

Our past was never mentioned again. The girls started calling Dee Mother very quickly. I noted they only ever called Dee "mother" and never "mummy", as that was what they'd called Shirley. Whose idea the difference was, I don't know. But I would often hear Dee ask the girls how mummy would do this or that. Dee would always do as Shirley had, before her.

------------------------------------------------------

Several years were to pass before that train sounded its whistle in that tunnel again. We had all settled down to watch a video one evening when the telephone rang. Our eldest answered it, whilst I paused the video.

"Who's calling?" I heard my daughter ask.

"Mother, it's for you. Someone called Porticia."

Dee took the telephone from my daughter and after pressing the speakerphone function replaced the handset.

"Hi, Tish. How are you keeping?"

"Oh, Dee, how wonderful to hear your voice. Dee, I'm in a real state. I caught George running around on me, so I'm getting divorced. I really could do with meeting up with you for a chat. You know, we could get together like the old times."

"Well, yes, I suppose I could meet you and we could do lunch, Tish. Hold on a moment whilst I check my diary," Dee said as she picked up her handbag.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Dee was going to get back with Porticia. Dee saw the amazed expression on my face and smiled at me.

"What's the date today?" Dee asked no one in particular.

"The third of August," came Porticia's dismembered voice from the phone.

"How about the sixth of August 2026?" Dee said. "I might be free that day."

"Did you say 2026, Dee? That's twenty years away. You must be joking!" Porticia replied.

"No, Tish, I'm quite serious. All of our three children should be out of the house by then, so I should be able to find some time to do lunch with you." 

"Three children! I thought Roger only had two?"

"No, actually Roger and I have two and a bit at the moment. There is a chance it could well be two and two bits. After all, twins do run in my family. Goodbye, Porticia, give me a call in about twenty years. With any luck we'll have changed our phone number by then."

Dee switched off the telephone, and then sat back in her chair staring at me, with a silly grin on her face. Our two girls were quicker on the up-take than I was, and they started to laugh.

Suddenly I realised what Dee had just said to Porticia. 

"Twin's?" I asked

"Well, that's what the doctor thinks, but it's a little early to be sure yet." Dee replied. "I was hoping to know for sure, before I told you and the girls."

Life goes on.