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Back on the Ice

By: MugsyB



Hello all,

Here's the second chapter in the "Mark Gaines" and Hilary saga. If you haven't already read it, you'll want to check out "Keeping Ice on the Wound," before you read this one.

For the rest of you, my fun, friendly fans, I hope this meets your expectations.

PennLady... Looks like the puck is heading across the blue line, and, there it goes! Oh, it's in your zone!

Happy Reading!

M. ;)

***

"See?" Mark Gaines was beyond excited as he glided past the bench at practice.

His coach, fellow teammates, and one very concerned trainer looked on with unreadable expressions. Mark scowled as he turned, his skates slicing through the ice and sending a shower of snow in the opposite direction. This time when he circled back in front of the bench, several of the people gathered were giving him dirty looks. He thought he heard a feminine snicker and his gaze swept up several rows behind the bench.

A grin split his face when he met the amused gaze of his girlfriend, Hilary Winsome. She was watching the practice with her friend and roommate, Lena, who was also the girlfriend of Mark's teammate, Anatoli Oborotenski. Hilary shook her head at his smile and pointed at the ice. Even though she wasn't speaking, he knew she was instructing him to focus and stop acting like an idiot.

Well, if he was, it was just because he was ecstatic to be back in skates on the rink. After only three and a half weeks, his ankle had passed inspection, so to speak, and he'd been allowed to return to practice. It might be another week or so before he'd be allowed to play in an actual game but for now, this was enough.

It didn't hurt that he'd had ample opportunity to be with Hilary during his time off. Spending time with her was as potent a painkiller as codeine. However, three and a half weeks was a long time to not be playing, no matter how much fun he had with Hilary.

"So what do you say, Coach?" Mark asked, turning his attention to the portly, balding man in front of him.

"It doesn't look like you're pushing it," Coach replied, eyeing the younger man. "But I'll leave the decision up to the professionals." With that, he turned and made his way off the ice, leaving Mark at the mercy of the trainer.

After submitting to another brief examination from the trainer, Mark was allowed to join practice. He was razzed by his teammates, not only for taking three and a half weeks off, but for bringing his new girlfriend to witness his return.

"You're just jealous, Lang," Mark scoffed and patted his teammate, Brody Lang, with his stick against Brody's shin pads.

Brody snorted and returned the gesture, aiming nowhere near the injured ankle. "Hardly. Like I need a woman hanging around, telling me what to do."

Anatoli 'Obie' Oborotenski overheard and laughed, skating up on Mark's other side. "Sometimes that's the best part," he commented and winked at Mark.

Brody watched the exchange between the two before shaking his head and skating away with a laugh. As one, Mark and Anatoli turned to look into the stands where their girlfriends were sitting. The two women had their heads close together and they were laughing over something. Then, as though they could feel the men's eyes on them, they glanced down at the ice.

"Get to work!" Lena shouted, her voice carrying over the boards.

Laughing, Anatoli took off, eating up the distance to the far end of the boards before veering left and coming back on the far side. Mark watched him go, envying his speed. The trainer had allowed him to join practice but nothing that included fast skating, hits, or blocks. So basically, he was allowed to push around the ice like a five-year old. Swallowing his frustration, Mark did as he was instructed, knowing that if he pushed it, he might just end up setting himself back even further. He didn't want that.

After another forty minutes or so, practice was over and the players all began to make their way off the ice. Mark stayed out a little longer than the rest, smacking pucks towards the empty nets. A knocking distracted him and he looked over his shoulder to see Hilary standing on the other side of the glass, near the bench. Smiling, he sent the last puck sailing into the net and skated over to the boards.

"How are you doing?" she asked him, her smile wide but her eyes concerned.

Mark grinned and leaned close to the glass. "What do you think?" he asked instead of answering her question.

Her reaction was immediate. The smile on her face grew wider and she shook her head. "I'd say you're doing fine," she replied dryly.

"What are you doing later?" he asked, still grinning.

She shrugged, looking away, but Mark could see the smile on her lips. It had been a few weeks since they'd first met and already he couldn't imagine not spending every free evening with her. Especially now that he'd be traveling with the team again. His status would be updated to day-to-day, meaning he could return to the line-up at any point. He'd miss spending time with Hilary, sure, but nothing beat the game.

"I was thinking we should celebrate," Mark suggested.

Hilary's eyes came back to his face and she raised her eyebrows. "Celebrate what?"

"My return!" he exclaimed and laughed, still ecstatic about being back on the ice.

Laughing, Hilary shook her head again and nodded. "All right, let's celebrate. I'm not working, as you already know."

He did know that; he'd asked her to practice knowing they'd be able to spend the rest of the day and evening together. "Cool," he said. "I'll meet you in about twenty minutes."

"Lena and I were thinking of having dinner together," Hilary said before he could turn away. "Why don't you check with Obie and see what he thinks?"

Mark didn't really want to - he wanted Hilary all to himself - but he knew Lena was her best friend and he didn't want to scare her by insisting they go out alone. It was one day at a time with Hilary, something Mark was mostly all right with. He liked her too much to push her too far, too fast.

"I will," he replied, smiling through the scuffed glass. Then he turned to skate over and exit to the locker rooms.

Inside, the locker room was fairly quiet. Most of the guys had quickly washed up and headed home for the day. Their next game was the following evening. Mark moved to his spot and sat down on the bench to take his skates off. He had the first one off and was loosening the laces on the second one when the trainer appeared in front of him, demanding to see his injured ankle.

"Jeez, man, can't you even wait until I've taken my skate off?" Mark asked, but he wasn't upset. He knew the guy was just doing his job.

After a quick examination of his ankle - no swelling or bruising, thank you very much, Mark thought - Mark was allowed to take a shower. As he walked into the big shower area, he passed Anatoli.

"Hey, Obie," he said. "Hil said something about the four of us going to dinner tonight."

"Oh yeah?" Obie replied, rubbing a towel over his head. "Sounds good. I'll meet you with the girls upstairs."

Mark nodded and headed into the shower. There were a couple other guys there but no one was talking. Mark went to an empty spot and twisted the knob until a steaming hot spray of water hit him square in the chest. As he shampooed his short hair, Mark thought about his return to playing and how it might affect his relationship to Hilary. He hoped it wouldn't change things but Hilary was... different from most girls he'd dated.

Their relationship had started as a one-night stand but it hadn't taken them long to realize they liked each other more than one night would allow. After a bit of difficulty in the first week or so, Mark had convinced Hilary that he genuinely liked her and wanted to make things work. A month ago, Mark would never have pegged himself as one of those guys who went after a girl. Hilary was so intriguing and smart, that he couldn't stay away from her.

And she's bloody sexy, he added silently, grinning as he turned his face under the hot spray.

Even so, it wasn't just about sex. Mark couldn't put his finger on it, but Hilary was a woman he wasn't going to give up without a fight. No matter how prickly she got at times, he found himself wanting to be around her, sex or no sex. Softening her up after she got snarky with him was one of his favorite spare time activities.

He quickly finished up in the shower and dressed before rushing through the building to meet up with his teammate and their girlfriends. The three of them were waiting patiently outside the corridor and, once he joined them, they headed off to a movie and then dinner together.

***

"Things seem to be going really well with you two," Lena commented as she and Hilary made themselves comfortable that evening after dinner.

Hilary smiled at her roommate as she pulled a cardigan over her pajamas. There was a definite chill in the air now that they were into the mid-December. Lena was in the kitchen, boiling some water for their late night tea. Neither girl had decided to spend the night with their boyfriends since they both had early morning shifts. They were intending to go to the game at Verizon Center later as well. Mark still wouldn't be playing, so he'd offered to take them to one of the private suites.

"I think so, too," Hilary agreed as she made herself comfortable on the couch. She left the TV off but glanced at the clock on the wall. It wasn't even nine o'clock yet.

"Mark is great," Lena added as she walked out of the kitchen to join Hilary on the couch, leaving the kettle on the stove to boil.

Hilary lifted her eyebrows at her friend and smiled. "Do you want to date him?" she asked playfully.

Lena laughed and slapped Hilary on the thigh. "Of course not," she replied. "One over-the-top hockey player is enough for me. I just think it's great that you and Mark are getting along so well."

Hilary nodded, amazed herself at how long things had lasted. They hadn't exactly started out in a traditional manner, and she'd certainly done her best to drive him away. Mark had proven to her that he wasn't going to just let her go, and now she was struggling to not run away nearly every day.

"What are you thinking?" Lena asked, giving her a close look.

Sighing, Hilary shrugged. Her roommate - also her dearest friend - knew all her apprehensions and hang-ups when it came to men, and the reasons for them. In her dating life, Hilary hadn't had the best of luck, starting with Johnny in fifth grade. He'd pulled her hair so hard, he'd yanked her to the ground, humiliating her in front of the entire school. Things had improved only slightly over time; the men in Hilary's life graduating from schoolyard bullies, to cheating hockey players and other assorted losers. Mark was the first guy she'd dated who treated her nicely and seemed to be genuinely fond of her.

She didn't know what to do with him most of the time and it scared the hell out of her. Hence, the great desire to bolt whenever he asked her out, which was pretty much every day.

"I think I don't know how much longer Mark is going to put up with me," Hilary replied at length.

"Oh, please," Lena scoffed and swatted her again. "You're not still afraid of that, are you? Hilary, he adores you! Everyone can see it. Obie tells me how Mark talks about you with the guys all the time."

Hilary blushed and looked away. "Really?"

"Yes! Hilary, you're the only one who can't see how much he likes you."

Sighing, Hilary pressed the back of her hand to her cheek and glanced over at her friend. "I just... I don't know what he sees in me. I'm so mean to him sometimes, and I don't know why."

Lena gave her a hard, searching look and then leaned close, gathering her into her arms for a hug. As always, Lena's quiet comfort made Hilary's throat feel thick. She hugged her roommate back and exhaled shakily.

"You have to talk to him, Hil," Lena told her as she pulled away. "You can't keep trying to drive him away or one day you'll succeed."

Hilary's stomach flipped at the thought of Mark walking away from her. She may be scared, and lash out at times, but she didn't want him to stop calling or coming to see her.

"You don't want him to go away, do you?" Lena asked.

"Of course not," Hilary replied.

"Then talk to him."

Hilary blew out a breath and nodded. She knew she needed to explain to Mark why she was so uneasy in their relationship. Mark had been so understanding until now, but Lena was right; one day he wouldn't be and it would be all Hilary's fault.

The kettle starting whistling in the kitchen and Lena jumped up. She came back into the living room a few minutes later, with two steaming mugs of tea, and handed one to Hilary as she sat down.

"I just don't even know how to have that conversation," Hilary said, going back to their conversation. "What do I say? 'Hi, Mark. I know I'm a total bitch sometimes and I think you need to know why?'"

Lena snorted and covered her mouth with her hand. Hilary grinned at her and lifted the mug to her lips for a sip.

"I don't know about that," Lena replied and sipped her own tea. "I would just... I don't know, let it happen naturally."

Hilary raised her eyebrows at Lena and set her mug down against her thigh. "Naturally? Lena, those conversations don't ever happen 'naturally.'"

"Sure they do," Lena said and smiled. "Next time he tells you how beautiful you are, or how good you smell, just go for it."

Laughing, Hilary shook her head. "Go for it? If I go for it, I'll be jumping him, not confessing my twisted relationship history to him."

"Jumping him works, too," Lena replied, her eyes dancing over her mug of tea. "Distracts him while you fess up."

Hilary couldn't help but laugh again. Lena was such a great friend and she knew she'd be lost without her. That made her think of something else, something not related to her own relationship drama.

"You've been with Anatoli for almost a year," she commented and smiled when Lena blushed. "Do you have any big plans for your anniversary?"

Lena shook her head. "Not that I know of."

"I bet Obie has something planned," Hilary remarked and grinned when Lena hid her face in embarrassment.

"I don't know," Lena replied and looked away, sipping her tea.

"I think he might even surprise you with something big," Hilary said.

Lena's head snapped back around to face her and her eyes were wide. "Has he said something to you?"

"No," Hilary replied and that was the truth. She just knew that Lena and Anatoli were the real thing. There was only one way to go in a relationship like that, and it had already been a year of spending every possible moment together. The next logical step was cohabitation. It pained Hilary to think of it, since it would take her best friend further away from her, but if it made Lena happy, Hilary would be supportive. "I just wouldn't be surprised if Anatoli asked you to live with him," Hilary confessed and smiled when Lena's mouth dropped open.

"No way," Lena breathed. "We're not ready for that! We haven't even talked about it."

"Well, maybe he'll bring it up and you'll start talking about it," Hilary suggested.

For a minute, Lena didn't respond. "You really think he'd ask me to move in with him? Has Mark said something? Did Obie say something to him?"

Hilary laughed and patted her friend's leg. "No, Mark hasn't said anything to me. I just mentioned it so you're not completely blindsided if he brings it up."

"You think I should live with him?" Lena asked after another moment of silence.

"I think you should do whatever makes you happy," Hilary replied. "Anatoli makes you happy. Why wouldn't you live with him?"

Lena nodded and gradually a smile spread across her face. "You're right," she murmured. "I can't imagine what my life would be like without him in it."

"I know," Hilary replied. "I can't imagine what my life would be like without him!"

They laughed together and spent the next hour chatting before Hilary yawned. She hugged her roommate, put her empty mug in the kitchen sink, and got ready for bed. As she lay in her bed, she couldn't help running through her conversation with Lena. That led her to imagining the possible outcomes of her discussion with Mark, which just stressed her out. Eventually she fell asleep, her mind filled with disturbing dreams of Mark skating over her body while her ex-boyfriends watched and cheered from the stands.

***

Verizon Center was packed when Mark arrived with Hilary and Lena the following night. Being a Friday night, most spectators were ready to cut loose for the weekend. The low hum of anticipation filled his ears and made his heart patter a little faster. He lead the way through the crowd and into their private suite, greeting some of the other guests of his teammates.

"This is great," Lena commented and walked towards the seats at the front of the box. "Thanks so much for bringing us, Mark."

"No problem," Mark replied with a smile. "If I can't play, at least I can enjoy watching with the two prettiest ladies in the building."

Lena grinned but from his side, Hilary snorted in a very unladylike manner. Raising one eyebrow, Mark turned and looked down at the woman beside him. He reached for her with one arm and drew her close, ignoring the curious looks from the other people in the suite. Hilary blushed under his gaze but moved closer as he drew her into his embrace.

"You don't agree with me?" he asked her, putting his lips very close to her ear. God, she smells fantastic tonight, he thought and breathed in her rich, feminine scent. He felt her shudder against his body and smiled.

"I think... I'm just not used to... being labeled that way," she murmured, hesitating over her words.

Mark drew back to look into her eyes, sensing that there was more to her hesitation than just his close proximity. "Labeled as what? A lady?" he asked with a smile, wanting to kiss the blush off her cheeks. "Or pretty?"

"Either," she replied with a shrug.

Mark knew she'd been hurt in the past, even without her telling him. He supposed when she felt more comfortable with him, she might tell him about it, but for now, he had his theories. "Well, get used to it," he told her and pressed a kiss to her warm cheek. He tamped down the urge to follow the color of her blush below the collar of her shirt, telling himself he could take care of it later. "I intend to keep using those labels."

Hilary smiled at him, her blue eyes sparkling and standing out in her flushed face. "I think I could get used to it," she whispered and squeezed his arms where she'd rested her hands.

There it was, the smile and the look in her eyes that had him coming back every day; calling her, making plans and undressing her every chance he could.

"Hey, you two," Lena spoke up from a few steps away. "Don't make me throw cold water on you."

Hilary giggled and pulled out of Mark's arms to join her friend in the seats out front of the box. Mark grabbed a beer and joined them a few minutes later. The game started in another ten minutes and they all focused on that for the next half hour.

Mark hated just sitting and watching the games. Even though he'd been allowed to remove his ankle wrap and walk without crutches for a few days now, he still felt useless. He wanted nothing more than to sit on the bench with the other guys where the action was. His feet moved unconsciously under his seat as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. It was only when Hilary laid a warm hand against his thigh that he realized he'd been moving at all. He threw her a sheepish grin before turning his attention back to the game.

Near the end of the first period, the Caps were down by one goal and Mark's jaw was sore from grinding his teeth. Hilary's hand came to rest over his and he turned to her. She was smiling and when he met her eyes, she winked, effectively taking his mind off the game and giving him something new to think about.


Back on the Ice



"You're not working tomorrow, right?" he asked.

Her blue eyes went wide before she smiled and shook her head.

"You're coming home with me after the game," he told her.

Her smile changed, moving his blood to a lower section of his anatomy. "Is that a question?" she asked in a soft tone, leaning towards him.

"No," he replied. "It was a demand."

"Hmm, I don't know if I like how demanding you are," she said, close enough now that he could smell her with each inhalation.

"I guess you'll have to come back to my place and make me pay for it," he replied and brushed his lips across hers.

When she smiled this time, he could feel it against his mouth. Lifting one hand, he cupped the back of her head and kissed her hard. His tongue snaked inside her mouth, stroking against hers and he swallowed her gasp. Her hair was soft under his fingers and her body was angling closer, their kiss going deeper.

"Uh, guys?" Lena's voice broke into their embrace and it was then that Mark dimly heard the roar of the crowd below.

Mark pulled back from Hilary and opened his eyes, smiling when he saw her bewildered expression. He moved to kiss her again but Lena spoke up.

"You might want to have a look at the big screen," Lena told them.

Mark and Hilary turned their faces towards the big screen suspended over the ice and were greeted by the sight of their faces. There was a break in the game and the cameramen were finding couples for the 'Kiss Cam.' The noise of the crowd increased when Mark grinned and waved his free hand. Then he slid his other hand from Hilary's neck to her back. He drew her closer, bringing their lips back together while the camera was still on them.

Hilary pressed her hands against his chest, a noise of protest rising in her throat, but Mark held her close for a moment longer, teasing her tongue with his. She relaxed, her fingers flexing against his chest, and Mark felt the touch all the way down to his groin.

In another minute, the music stopped and the big screen was back to showing the game in progress. Mark eased up on the kiss and stroked his thumb across Hilary's flushed cheek. She blinked at him as he released her and shook her head, as though trying to clear it.

"Why did you do that?" she asked, glancing around to see if anyone was still looking at them.

"I like kissing you," he replied and pressed his lips to her cheek for emphasis. "I can't control who they show on the big screen."

Hilary smiled and dropped her hands from his chest. Reaching out, Mark took one of her hands in his and brought it to his lips. Blushing, Hilary looked away, turning in her seat so she was facing the action on the ice again. Mark turned as well, just in time to see Anatoli Strelkov score for the Caps. The arena erupted into cheers and Mark grinned as he clapped his hands, feeling relaxed for the first time all night.

His team was winning, his girlfriend was warm against his side and he was days away from returning to the game.

***

After the embarrassment of being caught on camera making out with Mark, Hilary tried to enjoy the rest of the game. She wouldn't have thought being shown on the big screen would embarrass her so badly, but it had. The game ended on a high note in overtime and Hilary was left to hang out with Lena in the suite as Mark went to join his teammates in the locker room.

"I can't believe they put me on the big screen," Hilary muttered and shook her head as they sat watching the arena slowly empty.

From beside her, Lena laughed. "I couldn't believe it either. I think they just wanted to show Mark, since he's been out so long, but they caught you kissing! Priceless."

"Humiliating," Hilary countered.

"Why did it bother you so much?" Lena asked, turning her face to look at her friend.

"Because it was embarrassing!" Hilary exclaimed. "Thousands of people watched us making out like love-starved teenagers."

"Are you worried that the fans will hate you for taking one of the hottest Caps off the market?" Lena asked playfully.

Hilary rolled her eyes and shook her head again. "I don't..." she started and stopped with another shake of her head.

Lena leaned closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Don't worry about it, Hil. I'm sure Mark doesn't care what they showed on the big screen." She paused and grinned broadly at her roommate. "If he did, he'd have stopped kissing you instead of planting another big ol' wet one on you!"

"Lena!" Hilary exclaimed but couldn't help laughing. She nudged her friend in the ribs with her elbow as she blushed. She supposed Lena had a point. If Mark had been embarrassed by the 'Kiss Cam,' he wouldn't have kept on kissing her after they knew it was on them. It made Hilary feel better about it and she was smiling as Mark burst back into the room.

Before she even had a chance to say 'hello,' he wrapped his arms around her waist and swept her right off her feet. He spun her in a circle, his deep laughter filling her ear. Hilary's heart was pounding and the room was tilting as he set her back on her feet.

"Whoa, Mark," she breathed and laughed, looking up into his ecstatic face. "What's got into you?"

"They're taking me on the road trip tomorrow!" he exclaimed and hugged her hard again. "Coach thinks I might be able to play while we're gone. How freaking great is that?!"

Hilary smiled and tried to look happy for him; she knew it was a big deal. She ignored the part of herself that immediately suspected him leaving her in D.C.

No, she thought. I'm past this. I won't suspect him of something he hasn't even done.

"That's great new, Mark," Lena spoke up from just behind him. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Lena!" Mark replied with a laugh, still holding on to Hilary. "Oh, Obie said he'll come meet you up here."

"That's fine," Lena said.

"Do you mind if I steal your roommate away now?" he asked.

Lena grinned, her eyes meeting Hilary's at Mark's shoulder. "I'd love you forever," she said.

Hilary stuck her tongue out at her friend before Mark hauled her out of the suite with him, calling 'good-bye's' over his shoulder to Lena and everyone else.

"Won't your flight be leaving early in the morning?" Hilary asked as they walked to the parking garage below the arena. "Maybe I should just go home for the night." She didn't want to go home. She didn't even know why she was suggesting it. Maybe to give him the opportunity to let her down gently?

Stop, just stop it! she ordered herself and frowned. I just can't seem to shake this negative feeling. What's wrong with me?

"I can sleep on the plane," Mark told her and gave her fingers a squeeze. "I don't want to celebrate alone."

Hilary smiled up into his eyes and felt heat spread through her body, settling low in her stomach. She didn't even care if the desire was written in big letters across her face. Mark wanted her and she needed to start accepting it; for real.

"How long will it take you to get us home?" she asked slyly, with a sideways glance at him from under her eyelashes.

"Five minutes?" he suggested in a hoarse voice, his stride lengthening.

Giggling, Hilary hurried along beside him. "Five minutes is unrealistic, Mark," she chided playfully. "If I can't have you in five minutes, there may be severe consequences."

Mark stopped suddenly and backed her against a wall. She felt it connect with her back and stared at him in surprise as he lowered his lips to hers. A protest boiled up in her throat but his tongue traced the line of her lips and she was lost. She didn't care at all that there were still several hundred people inside the arena, walking past them right now. Mark's kisses had the amazing ability to make her forget even her own name.

So they stood there, his hands firm on her waist and his thighs pressing against hers. He thrust his tongue into her mouth and tilted his head to take the kiss deeper. Hilary gasped into his mouth, curling her fingers on the open ends of his jacket and hanging in his grip. When one of his hands moved from her waist and started to travel up her torso, the spell broke and Hilary wrenched her mouth away from his.

"Don't you dare feel me up in public," she hissed at him, breathing hard. She grinned up into his heavy-lidded eyes and brushed their lips together once more, to take the edge off of her words.

Mark narrowed his eyes at her and stepped back. "You just added five more minutes to the drive home," he warned as they started walking again.

Hilary covered her laugh with one hand and shook her head. "That's too bad," she commented. "I don't know if I can last that long."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked, his fingers squeezing her hand.

Hilary glanced up at him but he was avoiding looking at her. From the set of his jaw and the tension in his arm, she figured he was trying hard not to press her up against the wall again. It made her feel wonderfully in command, a feeling she hadn't always had in the past.

I'll lose the feeling as soon as he goes away, she added silently and her smile drooped. Again with the negative thoughts. She stifled a sigh and shook her head, cool air settling over them as they made their way to Mark's car in the underground garage; it was where most of the players parked during home games.

At his car, Mark paused by the passenger door and held Hilary between him and the car as he claimed her lips again. In the dark quiet of the parking garage, Hilary gave in this time, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders and parting her lips for his questing tongue. He groaned low in his throat and tightened his grip on her waist, fisting his hands in her shirt, under the thick cover of her jacket.

The feeling of him grasping her, wanting her so badly made Hilary's heart pound. She felt light-headed as Mark pressed her back against the car and moved his hand up the inside of her jacket. Instead of stopping him this time, she fumbled with the zipper of her jacket, parting it and holding it open as he cupped her breast over her shirt. Mark tore his lips from hers to trail kisses down her throat to the high neckline of her Washington Capitals T-shirt.

"Stupid shirt," he growled and lifted the hem instead, until he could touch her over her bra.

Hilary laughed breathlessly, letting her head fall back as Mark caressed her, sucking on the pulse point just under her chin. Her fingers clenched and unclenched in the fabric of his shirt where she'd placed her hands. She felt his muscles bunch and move beneath his skin and felt her own body react. Her insides turned liquid and when Mark lifted his head, with his hand squeezing her breast, she felt delightfully soft and squishy all over.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" he asked, his voice rough.

Hilary blinked and lifted her head to look into his face. He swallowed hard, his thick lashes hanging low over his dark eyes. Hilary slid one hand from his chest, to his shoulder and up his neck. He leaned his face into her hand as she cupped his cheek and she smiled, loving the raspy feel of his two-day old beard growth. As he closed his eyes under her touch, she placed her other hand over his on her breast and squeezed, urging him silently to continue what he was doing.

With a mingled sound of desire and frustration, he dropped his lips to hers again, kissing her senseless, his tongue plunging hotly into her mouth. Hilary whimpered, hanging on to his biceps and trying to hold herself up. Mark moved closer, if it was even possible, until they were pressed together from their stomachs, all the way down to their knees. Hilary felt every one of his corded muscles and she melted when she felt his arousal plainly against her abdomen.

Even though the parking garage was empty and silent at the moment, she knew somewhere in the back of her mind that this was extremely risky behavior. At any moment someone could walk down the aisle and see them going at it like wild animals. She might be over the mortification from the 'Kiss Cam,' but she wasn't sure she could handle being caught with Mark's hand up her shirt and his massive erection pressing into her stomach.

She tried to ease out of the kiss and leaned her head back. Mark seemed to take it as an invitation to suck on her neck again. He ran his lips and tongue down the column of her throat, his hand still fondling her under her shirt. Before she could register it, he'd scooped her breast out of her bra. She felt the warm contact of his skin on hers and sucked in a sharp breath, digging her fingers into his arms.

"Mark!" she managed to gasp his name out, twisting her head to one side as he continued to lick and suck on her neck. She was dimly aware that she'd probably have a dark mark on her neck from that, but she wasn't sure if she cared.

It might be nice to have a mark, she thought and grinned. A mark from Mark.

"God, you taste good," he muttered against her skin, lifting his head after what felt like an eternity.

Hilary felt warm and weightless in his arms, and was more grateful than ever that he had the strength to hold them both up.

"And you feel good," he added, coupling his words with a light pinch to her exposed nipple.

She gasped again, squeezing her eyes shut as he played with her, soothing the pinch with light strokes.

"God, Hilary," he growled and sucked her lower lip into his mouth. "I could do this right now, right here."

Do it, she thought, gasping for air. She knew she was more than ready. He hadn't even worked his way into her pants but she ached to feel him between her thighs.

When she couldn't get the words out, she eased one leg to the side, ignoring the tremble in her muscles. Feeling her movement, Mark lifted his head and stared down at her. She grinned impishly at him and bit her lower lip. Then she lifted herself onto her tiptoes, rubbing herself against him. Mark's hands tightened on her body and his eyes grew wide, desire darkening them almost to the point of being black.

Taking her hint, he pushed his thigh between her legs and lifted, pressing against her center and making her moan. A wicked grin spread across his handsome face and Hilary had to close her eyes against the unabashed lust in his expression. Mark kissed her, sucking on her lips and teasing the corners of her mouth with his skilled tongue. His hands moved down her body and slid between them to unclasp the button of her jeans.

She shuddered, her hands going to his shoulders to hold on for dear life. She couldn't believe this was happening. She couldn't believe she was going to let Mark take her in the middle of a public place. Well, basically a public place. Then his hand was under her panties, stroking her wet and aching core, and she was moaning and shuddering in his arms.

His tongue drove inside her mouth to tangle with hers as he stroked her below, playing with her and driving her insane. She dimly heard another noise and realized a second later it was another zipper being undone. The ends of her mouth curled upwards and she lifted her body up, rubbing against him as best as she could.

Another sound filtered through the roaring of blood in her ears and Hilary heard Mark swear viciously. A second later, his hands were gone from her body and she heard the jingle of keys. Opening her eyes, she blinked at him and watched as he fumbled with his keys. Somewhere over her right shoulder she heard voices and every part of her snapped to attention.

"Oh God," she hissed, shoving her shirt down, ignoring the fact that her bra wasn't completely covering her.

"Don't panic," Mark whispered to her and the locks on his car popped open. Still grasping her around the waist, Mark moved them to the side and opened the back door.

Sucking in a breath, Hilary moved into the back seat and found herself underneath Mark a second later when he climbed in over her. He pulled the door shut with a soft thump and they fell silent.

Hilary listened to the pounding of her heart and tried not to think about Mark's erection pressing into her. He looked down into her face and she stifled a laugh at the expression in his eyes; like someone had just thrown his ice cream cone on the ground.

"Shouldn't you be driving us back to your place?" she asked in a whisper.

He shook his head, his eyes sliding over her face and settling on her lips. Lifting one hand, he ran the pad of his thumb across her mouth and she parted her lips on a breathy little sigh. "I can't wait that long," he replied.

She bit her lip to keep another laugh from escaping. "Ten minutes? You can't wait that long?"

Mark shook his head and lowered his mouth to hers, the pressure of his lips so light she almost couldn't feel them. His hands moved to her hips as he took the kiss deeper, parting her lips skillfully and sliding his tongue inside her mouth. She met his tongue with hers, stroking alongside it until she felt him respond with a firmer grasp on her skin.

It lasted barely a moment and then he was grasping her jeans and panties, yanking them down her legs. Dimly, Hilary heard voices rising and falling outside the car, doors opening, closing and engines roaring to life. She just didn't care at the moment. Not with Mark lying on top of her and his hands spreading her thighs.

"Mark," she whispered when he moved his lips from hers. "We can't..." she protested weakly and gasped when his hand cupped her between the legs.

"Sure, we can," he replied hoarsely.

"Someone... might see," Hilary tried again, breathing hard as his fingers moved against her.

"Not if we're careful," he said.

"Careful?" she asked with a breathless laugh. "I know you, and we both know how this goes."

"Oh yeah?" His fingers stopped moving and Hilary swallowed her moan of protest at that. "How does it go?" As he asked, she felt him shifting and lifting his weight off of her.

Glancing down, she saw him trying to wriggle out of his pants. She shook her head at the craziness of it all. Reality was sweeping back over her, fast. "We can't do it in the back seat of a car in a parking garage," she said, hoping she sounded firm, something very difficult considering how aroused she was.

Mark grinned and she figured she hadn't sounded firm enough. Her eyes moved from his face, caught again by the movement of his hand between them. She watched in fascination as he drew himself out of his pants and underwear. Then he was settling himself against her, between her thighs and she felt the hot, hard length of him pulsing against her core.

"Mark..." she hissed his name, feeling torn between her desire and the fear of being caught.

"Hilary," he all but moaned her name, dropping a hot kiss on her lips.

"They'll see," she tried again and sucked in a breath as he pushed the tip of himself inside.

"No one will," he replied and kissed her again, his breath warm on her lips. "I'll go slow."

A breathless laugh escaped her and he pressed his lips hard against hers, pushing up inside of her with one strong thrust. All her thoughts scattered and she was left feeling overheated and no longer frightened by their surroundings.

Mark did as he promised, easing out and pushing in so slowly she thought she might die from the sensation. She clutched at his hips, lifting her knees and cradling him closer. The awkwardness of the back seat disappeared and she licked his lips, begging silently for him to kiss her. He obliged, slipping his tongue into her mouth and brushing his hand over her forehead, sweeping her hair back as he tasted her.

Hilary felt her stomach clench at his gentle touch and arched, wanting to feel more of him. More noises from outside the car filtered through the fog of her lust and then disappeared again, leaving her alone with Mark's body and kisses. Still, he kept his pace slow, not jostling her or the car, and she wasn't sure how much more she could take.




Back on the Ice



Even as the thought crossed her mind, she felt her toes curl and a single moment of weightlessness swept over her. Then she was coming, her muffled cries swallowed by Mark and her body convulsed under his. Even with her body trembling around him, Mark maintained his steady thrusting; the only sign of reaction an increase in his breathing.

Hilary held on as he continued to rock against her. Every thrust rubbed his body against hers and made her vibrate with the remaining waves of her orgasm. She didn't know how he was managing it and wanted to tell him to hurry up. She wanted to feel him let go. He pulled his lips from hers and buried his face against her neck. The car was filled with the sounds of their heavy breathing and the slow, erotic push of their bodies together.

"Oh Christ," Mark groaned and his body jerked within her embrace.

Hilary sighed and held him close as he came. She grinned as he thrust erratically for a long moment and then was still. All that remained was the steady drumming of their hearts where they were pressed together.

"I can't believe we just did that," Mark murmured and lifted his head to look into her face.

Hilary felt heat suffuse her cheeks and nodded in reply, unable to voice her thoughts. There were just too many and they were too jumbled up to make any sense of them. For a long minute, they just stared into each other's eyes. Hilary melted under his soft gaze and felt her heart stutter when a gentle smile curved his full lips.

"Can you forgive me?" he asked.

"Forgive you?" she replied and shook her head, trying to clear it. He was still inside of her, and she could still feel the lingering pulse of their lovemaking deep inside her body. "For what?"

He opened his mouth to reply but a nearby car beeped as someone activated the keyless entry. Hilary froze, her eyes going wide as the reality of their situation sank back in. Mark shushed her with a finger over her lips; as if she was going to say anything to alert anyone to their presence. Footsteps sounded very close to them and then a car door opened and closed. The engine started and fired as the car moved away, fading into an echo as it left the parking garage.

"I can't believe we did this," Hilary managed to say, her voice coming out as little more than a squeak.

Mark chuckled and nodded his agreement. He shifted, separating their bodies and carefully pulling her clothes back together for her. An unexpected knot formed in her stomach at his gentle actions, and Hilary blinked against the stinging in her eyes. At every new moment, Mark surprised her and made it harder to figure out how she felt about him. The stinging, negative emotions rushed back through her as she tugged her jacket closed. Mark looked into her face for a moment, questions obvious in his gaze, but he didn't say anything. It was like he sensed she wasn't ready to explain and he let it go, straightening his own pants instead.

A minute later, he gestured at her to stay down while he lifted his head up to look around outside the car. "It's all right," he said. "There's no one around."

Still blushing and more confused than ever, Hilary sat up and ran a hand through her tangled hair. Mark met her eyes and grinned, causing her blush to spread. He leaned forward to steal a kiss before he opened the door and climbed out. He held a hand out towards her and helped her out. They got into the front seat, like normal people who hadn't just dissolved in a fit of passion in the back seat. A few minutes later, they were on their way to his place.

***

Later, in his bed, Mark made love to her like he'd wanted to, like she deserved. He didn't know what had come over him back at Verizon Center. He couldn't believe he'd taken her in the middle of the parking garage. Even more surprising was the fact that she'd allowed it. In the back of his mind, he supposed it might have been his way of claiming her before he had to leave town. She deserved better than that.

On the drive back to his place, he mentally slapped himself upside the head and kicked himself in the ass. Hilary wasn't like other women and he'd just treated her like a common tart. However willing she might have been, he could do better. He wanted to do better for her.

So once they got back to his place, he gathered her into his arms without a word and took her to his bed. She melted into his embrace, just as easily as she had when they'd been at the arena. Mark undressed her and laid her on his bed, caressing her all over until she was moaning with pleasure. He loved listening to her, and hearing her stifling her cries in the back seat of his car had nearly done him in earlier. It had been a miracle he'd lasted as long as he had.

Now, the memory faded as he undressed himself and knelt between her thighs. He drove her mad with his fingers and tongue before sliding his aching cock inside her. She clung to his shoulders, arching off the bed and exposing her beautiful, flushed throat to him. He kissed her, dragging his tongue over her skin until their lips met again in a passionate kiss.

Much later, after they were both sweaty and exhausted, Mark wanted to talk to her. He wanted to talk about his road trip and what it would mean to their relationship now that he was heading back into the lineup. Neither of them were in the right frame of mind for the discussion ,and when Hilary curled up against his side with a satisfied sigh, Mark decided it could wait.

***

Sometime during the night, he stirred. He reached one arm out, instinctively searching for the warm body and felt nothing but cool sheets. Lifting his head, he stared around the dim bedroom and frowned when he saw no sign of Hilary. He pushed the covers back and searched blindly on the floor until he located his underwear. Standing up, he pulled the boxers on and walked out of the room to look for Hilary.

He didn't have to go far; she was stretched out on his couch, watching TV with the sound very low. "Hey," he greeted her and lifted her legs up to sit down. She was wearing her Capitals T-shirt and nothing else, making him hard in an instant.

"Hey," she replied and smiled. "Did I wake you?"

He shook his head as he settled with her legs in his lap. She shivered as he ran his palms up and down her legs, stopping with his fingers caressing the backs of her knees. "No," he answered. "I just woke up to find you gone."

"Sorry," she murmured and rested her head back on the arm rest. "I couldn't sleep."

"Everything all right?" he asked, telling himself that he had to listen to her response and not think about sliding his hands between her luscious thighs. He glanced up to see her shrug. The smile was still on her face and her eyes looked sleepy.

"Well, why don't you come back to bed and I'll help you get to sleep?" he suggested, sliding one of his hands further up the back of her thigh as he watched her face.

Her eyes drifted shut and she sighed. Mark licked his lips and eased his fingers around her thigh until he felt her damp curls.

"Haven't you had enough?" she asked, opening her eyes to give him a playful look.

Mark shook his head, caressing her as he watched her face. "I can't get enough of you," he replied and it was the truth.

Her expression changed, the playfulness disappeared and she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Mark smiled, drawing his fingers from between her legs and rubbing his palm over her soft hip instead.

"Tell me what's wrong," he urged, wanting to make her feel better, and not just so he could take her to bed again.

"It's silly."

Lifting his eyebrows, Mark smiled. "If it's keeping you up at night, it's not silly."

Hilary managed a weak smile and she struggled to lift herself up. Mark held onto her, pulling her into his lap and holding her around the waist when she tried to move to sit beside him. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, her cheek, and the hollow of her throat before meeting her eyes again.

"Talk to me," he murmured.

He felt her relax against him and grinned at the tiny victory. Bit by bit, she changing from the abrupt and prickly Hilary he'd first met, and every time she relaxed with him, he felt the success deep in his bones.

"I'm worried," she began and stopped.

"About what?" he prompted, lifting a hand to brush her silky blond hair over her shoulder. He wanted to kiss the skin he'd just exposed but he waited to listen to her response.

"You're leaving tomorrow," she confessed and his eyes went back to her face.

"I'm not leaving for war, Hilary," he said with a smile. "I can talk on the phone and I'll be back in a few days."

"I know," she replied, her eyelashes dropping low over her blue eyes. "We've just... this isn't a normal relationship."

Mark's eyebrows went up and his smile grew wider. "Isn't it? I guess most people don't have it this good, but we're far from being unique."

She shoved him, a smile curving her lips up at the corners. "You know what I mean. You aren't around like normal boyfriends."

"That's true," he agreed. The life he led didn't make it easy to maintain a steady relationship. So far, he'd kept himself limited to casual dating but he wanted more from Hilary. He thought she knew that, but from the way she was speaking now, he wondered if she did.

"I don't want you to think I don't want you to have a good time on the road," she said. "I know how excited you are to be traveling with the team again."

"Yeah?" Mark replied, unsure where she was going with this.

"It can't be easy trying to stay in touch while you're traveling," she added and glanced up at him.

He looked back and forth between her eyes, trying to figure her out. She sounded nervous, a rare tone from her; more than anything, she usually sounded sharp. Listening to her now, sharing with him like this gave him a strange mixed feeling of happiness and wariness. "I will call you, Hilary," he said at last. "I don't want to lose touch with you over the next nine days."

She didn't say anything, just looked into his eyes for a moment before turning her face away. "I know how... tempting it can be," she whispered. "On the road, with all the... women..." she let her sentence trail off but Mark knew what she was saying and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why she would think that about him.

"I'm not going to sleep with anyone else while I'm gone, Hilary," he said, perhaps a touch sharper than he'd intended.

She kept quiet again, biting her lower lip and keeping her eyes averted. Clenching his jaw, Mark reached up and cupped her chin in his hand, turning her to face him.

"Hilary," he whispered her name. "I wouldn't do that to you. Haven't you figured that out by now?"

Shrugging, she met his eyes. "You haven't gone away yet," she replied. "We've been together almost every day since we met and we don't know what it'll be like with you on the road."

"I'm not going to cheat on you, if that's what you think."

"I don't," she said quickly.

"Then why are you even bringing it up? What made you think that?"

Hilary opened her mouth to reply then snapped it shut, a blush staining her cheeks as she shook her head.

"Hilary, come on," Mark urged. "I don't understand. You have to explain this to me so I can make it right."

He guessed he'd chosen the right words because the hint of a smile came back to her face.

"I never told you about my ex-boyfriend," she said in a soft tone.

Mark's eyebrows shot up and he shook his head, never taking his eyes from Hilary's face. An ex-boyfriend, he thought. So some asshole cheated on her and she hasn't trusted anyone since. That would sure explain a lot. Out loud, he said, "What about him?"

"You don't want to know," she replied with a frustrated sigh. She shifted on his lap and he thought she might be trying to get up. He wouldn't let her go. He hadn't come this far, and tried this hard with her, to give up now.

"I want to know everything about you, Hilary," he whispered and moved his hand to cup the back of her head as he kissed her. He teased her lips with his tongue and squeezed her waist as he pulled her closer.

"You're definitely not what I thought you'd be," she whispered when he pulled back.

"No? What were you expecting?" he asked with a smirk, even though they'd had this conversation before. In the past, she'd told him she'd thought he'd be more arrogant, cocky and even a snob.

Now she smiled at him and touched his cheek as she leaned close for a kiss. "I thought you'd have given up on me by now," she told him.

"Why?" he asked with a chuckle.

"I haven't exactly been easy to get along with. I don't understand why you still like me."

"Neither do I," he confessed and laughed when she poked him in the ribs, hard. "I'm just kidding." Reaching up with both hands now, he brushed her hair over her shoulders and cupped her face in his hands. She smiled so sweetly at him, looking so apprehensive, that he felt a pull deep in his stomach. "I've never been one to back down from a challenge."

Her eyebrows lifted and a wry smile spread across her face. "I'm a challenge? Is that all you see me as? Like a... a... like a game seven away from home?"

He laughed and shook his head, drawing her close so he could kiss her. "You're much more difficult to crack than that," he replied. "I mean it, Hil. I want to know everything about you." He paused to brush their lips together. "So start with the loser you mentioned before."

Sighing heavily, Hilary put her hands on his shoulders and met his steady gaze. "It wasn't just one guy."

"You were dating multiple men?" he asked incredulously.

She smacked him on the arm this time and he laughed until she started squirming in his lap. Dropping his hands, he grasped her hips to hold her still, determined to focus on her words and not how warm she felt against his body.

"I wasn't dating more than one guy at a time," she clarified in a haughty tone. "What I meant was, I wasn't... screwed over by just one guy. It was several."

In a slow and halting voice, she told him about her romantic past. The guy in high school who'd only been seeing her for help with his homework. The jerk at summer camp who'd had a bet with his friends to see if she was a natural blond. The numerous guys between adolescence and adulthood who'd never followed through on different occasions and lastly the guy who'd left her for a younger woman he'd knocked up.

Mark listened patiently, feeling stranger and stranger the longer she spoke. He couldn't explain the burning sensation in his gut and he didn't understand the tension he felt sinking into his shoulders. Hilary was still warm and naked beneath the T-shirt, and he was still throbbing for more than just her sitting in his lap. Something kept him from laying her down on the couch and making her forget all about those other dumbasses.

"So you're afraid I'm going to treat you like every other guy in your life?" he summarized when she fell silent.

A guilty blush spread across her cheeks but she didn't back down from his direct question. She nodded and met his gaze head-on.

"That can't be all," he murmured, frowning now. He sensed that she was still holding something back. She'd shared a lot with him just now, more than she had in all the days since they'd first met, but he still had the feeling that there was something missing.

"We don't need to rehash my sad boyfriend history, Mark," she whispered. "I think I want to forget about them and move on."

"But you aren't," he replied. "Moving on, I mean. You're... abrupt and bad-tempered more than you're in a good mood when we're together. I've been patient, Hil, because I want to know you but you're still not letting me in."

"What do you want me to do, Mark?" she demanded, dropping her hands from his shoulders and pulling away. "This is who I am. I'm not pretending to be anything or anyone else and this still isn't good enough for you?"

"It's not good enough because it's not you," he replied and she scrambled off his lap, leaving him feeling cold.

"We've only known each other a few weeks," she said. "You think you know me, but you don't."

"I've been asking you all along to tell me!" Mark snapped, feeling frustrated. He didn't want to yell at her or fight but she was deliberately keeping parts of herself closed off. Maybe it was early in their relationship, but they'd skipped a lot of the preliminaries when they'd first hooked up.

"What if I don't want to?" she threw back at him. "You seem like a nice guy but what do I really know about you?" she demanded and stood up with her hands on her hips. "You're a hockey player who twisted his ankle four weeks ago. That's it."

"You know more about me than that," he replied, not liking how she was turning this around on him.

"Like what?" she asked with a harsh laugh. "I don't know what you're like on the road, or how you are in a relationship while you're traveling with the team. We haven't got to that part yet and I've got to say, you're not filling me with a lot of confidence here, Mark."

Huffing out an annoyed breath, Mark stood up and moved away, pacing his living room floor as he ran his fingers through his sleep-mussed hair. "Look," he said, holding his hands out towards Hilary. "I think this is all going in the wrong direction."

"What is? Our relationship?"

"No, of course not. I just mean right now, this conversation. I never intended to upset you," he replied.

"Well, you're been doing a bang up job of it," Hilary commented sarcastically as she crossed her arms over her chest.

He scowled at her. She met his look with a narrow one of her own and for a long moment, neither of them said anything.

"Maybe we just need a break," he suggested. "Let's go back to bed and sleep on it. We can talk in the morning."

She shook her head and walked past him.

"Hilary, come on." Mark followed after her as she stalked to the bedroom. "I don't want to fight. We need to talk about this."

"I'm done talking," she replied as she shoved her feet through her pant legs.

"Don't be like that. I just think we need to get some sleep and talk tomorrow."

"You're gone tomorrow!" she exploded, grabbing her underwear and bra from the floor and whirling on him. Her beautiful blue eyes were cold and snapping with anger. "We can't talk about this in the morning!"

Mark reached for her to try to stop her again but she dodged his grasp, running from the bedroom. He hurried down the hall after her, still pleading with her to calm down and talk to him.

"I can't do this anymore, Mark," she replied as she yanked her jacket on. "I thought I could but I just can't."

"Can't do what?" he asked, his stomach dropping at the resignation in her tone. He didn't like how this was happening. He'd been frustrated minutes ago but now he was fighting the urge to fall to his knees and beg her to stay. His pride wouldn't allow him to; that and the fact that he didn't think he'd been asking too much of her to share her thoughts with him. "You can't talk to me? We always talk."

Hilary shook her head and when she met his eyes, there were tears in hers. He swallowed and reached for her again. This time she let him pull her close but she turned her face away when he tried to kiss her. It felt like he'd been sucker-punched.

"Us, Mark," she murmured and pushed his hands away. "I can't do... us. I'm sorry." She turned and stepped into her shoes, opening the door at the same time.

Mark stood there staring out into his hallway as she walked away. He couldn't believe it had come to this. "Hilary!" he called, darting out his door. She was already down at the far end, but his cry made her jump and turn around. "I'm going to call you tomorrow."

She stared at him but said nothing before turning away and leaving. Mark sighed heavily and shut the door, locking himself inside his lonely apartment.




Back on the Ice



***

Mark did call Hilary the next day and got the machine. He didn't know if she was not home, or if she was refusing to answer him so he left a message, imploring her to call him back.

"I'll take your call no matter what time, or what I'm doing," he said, not caring if he sounded like a whipped boyfriend. He still didn't think he'd done anything wrong but he just wanted the chance to talk to her again. If that meant apologizing for pushing too hard the night before, then he would.

The plane ride was uneventful and the guys gave him a hard time for calling his girlfriend as soon as they landed. He ignored them, even flipping off Brody who mocked him more than the others. He tried to focus when they got to the arena for the game later that afternoon, but he was utterly distracted. For the first time since his injury, he figured it was a good thing he wasn't playing. He'd have been a huge target without his mind on the game.

Later, at the hotel, he tried calling Hilary again and this time, Lena answered.

"She's out, Mark," she told him. "There was some friends of ours who wanted to see a movie so she went with them."

"Oh. All right," he replied dully. "How come you didn't want to go?"

"I told Anatoli I'd wait for his call after the game."

"Lucky guy," Mark murmured and ended the call.

He lay alone in his hotel bed for hours, just staring at the ceiling. He went over and over their disastrous conversation in his mind, wondering how and when he'd lost it. Hearing Hilary talk about her ex-boyfriends and how they'd hurt her had bothered him. What bothered him more than anything, was that she seemed to be comparing him to them.

When he was being objective, he supposed that most people did the same thing; compared their current lover to past relationships. It just hurt to have it thrown in your face like that. He didn't think Hilary had done it intentionally. He'd asked her to share, so she had.

She could have been nicer about it, he thought in one of his more irrational moments. She didn't have to snap at me just because I didn't like hearing about it.

That seemed to be Hilary's way. She was defensive and abrasive, rather than meek and needy, something he'd always found oddly attractive.

Maybe she was telling the truth, he pondered later, rolling over to stare out the window. That is the way she is and I should just deal with it.

He would deal with it, if she'd just call him back.

Sighing, Mark pressed his face into his pillow and groaned out his frustration. It was at that moment that his roommate, Brody, chose to walk in.

"Dude, you have got to stop beating yourself up over her," Brody said as he walked through the room and flopped onto his own bed.

"You don't even know what you're talking about," Mark snapped and rolled to face the other direction.

Brody chuckled and wouldn't leave him alone. "I can tell something's gone wrong," he commented after a minute. "You were so excited to come on this road trip, and now you're acting like you'd rather be home on your crutches again."

"No, I'm not," Mark replied and looked over his shoulder at Brody. "I've been waiting weeks to join the team again."

"Then stop being such a pansy and get over it!"

Mark scowled at his roommate before chucking a pillow at him.

"Seriously, man," Brody said, catching the pillow neatly. "What's she done to make you this way?"

"I don't know," Mark replied honestly, rolling onto his back to resume staring at the ceiling. "I just don't know."

Brody blew his breath out in a low whistle. "Well, I don't know why you and the Anatolis bother with relationships. Women are more trouble than they're worth."

Mark glanced sideways at his teammate and smiled. "Sounds like you've been burned a few times, Lang. Anything you want to talk about?"

Brody responded with a derisive snort. Chuckling, Mark put his arms behind his head and thought about the implications of that. If someone like Brody - a tough guy and a steadfast friend - can be hurt by past relationships, then someone like Hilary could easily be as well. Maybe badly enough that she unconsciously sabotaged any other relationships that came along. With another sigh, he tried to put it out of his mind so he could get some sleep.

***

Alone in her apartment after a long day at work, Hilary hit the 'play' button on the answering machine for the fourth time. Mark's deep voice filled the room and she shivered.

"Hil, it's me. I'm in Montreal and I wish you'd pick up the phone. I want to talk to you. I don't want it to end that way. Please, just... answer when I call next time." He paused and gave a short laugh. "And Lena, if you're listening to this one too, I'm sorry." There it ended.

The machine beeped and whirred to a stop. Hilary pressed 'play' again. Lena wasn't home from work yet and Hilary figured she had another hour before her roommate arrived. So she had another hour to indulge herself by replaying Mark's message repeatedly before deleting it.

How does he do this to me? she asked herself, closing her eyes as Mark's deep voice slid through her. His message, even as brief as it was, did more to her body than any man had ever been able to do in person. A message!

Shuddering, Hilary smacked her hand down on the machine and clicked 'erase' before the message stopped playing. She ran her hands through her hair and pressed her palms to her closed eyes while trying to get her breathing under control. Eventually she straightened and walked into the kitchen, looking for something, anything, to take her mind off of Mark and his earnest message.

Five minutes later, the vodka was burning a trail down her throat and she was staring mindlessly at the blank television screen. Even as she lifted the bottle to her lips again, she thought, this isn't going to help at all.

It just dulled the pain a little bit.

He's just mad that he won't have his regular booty call when he gets back, she thought and swirled the vodka in her mouth before swallowing. I'm sure he hooked up with some hot chick as soon as he hung up the phone!

Scowling now, Hilary took a big swig of the liquor and sputtered as it went down the wrong way. Groaning, she set the bottle on the table in front of her, deciding that drinking was the wrong thing for her. She lay sideways on the couch and lifted the remote control, flicking the TV on and gaped when she saw the Capitals game.

Unbelievable, she thought, shaking her head. I can't even escape into mindless programming.

She lifted the remote control to change the channel but couldn't quite bring herself to do it. Instead, she turned up the volume and listened to catch up on the game. Washington was winning and Hilary smiled, glad that her team was doing so well tonight. 

I wonder if Mark's on the ice yet, she thought and chewed on her lower lip as her eyes scanned the moving shapes on screen. Then she saw the players changing lines and there he was; number 52, moving swiftly and smoothly up the ice with his teammates.

Hilary didn't realize she was holding her breath until Mark skated off after his shift and she let it out. Leaning back on the couch, she pressed her hand to her forehead and stared at the screen. Play was halted for an offside call and the ice crew skated out to clear the ice in front of the goalies. In the meantime, the commentators spoke about Mark Gaines and his return to the line-up.

"He's been in practice for about a week now," the first speaker said as the camera zoomed in on Mark where he sat on the bench, sandwiched between Oborotenski and Lang. "And we were getting reports that his injury wasn't as bad as they'd originally suspected."

"It certainly looks like he's made a quick recovery," the second reporter agreed. "He's had a few great shifts out there already and doesn't appear to be favoring his leg at all."

The screen changed from Mark sitting on the bench to highlights of his play so far in the game. Hilary bit back a gasp as Mark made a couple hits and covered her eyes altogether when he took a hit from one of the opponents. She didn't hear another word that was said between the two commentators as they finished discussing Mark Gaines and in another minute, play resumed.

Hilary couldn't watch anymore. Her anxiety over watching Mark, so fresh from an injury, was too much for her to deal with. After shutting the TV off, she went to her room and closed the door. For a minute, she just stood in the middle of her bedroom, staring at the walls, her desk, her bed. Her eyes lingered on her bed and her body flushed as she recalled all the time she'd spent with Mark in it.

He really is a great guy, she thought and walked over to sit down on her bed. He can't help it that I'm a mess with relationships.

Of course, she'd never beaten herself up quite so badly over a guy before. It was always their fault, after all. She was the victim.

As the thought rushed through her, she sat down on her bed and stared wide-eyed at the opposite wall.

Am I? she asked herself. Am I always the victim or am I the one ruining my relationships?

She scoffed a second later, reminding herself of the times when she'd definitely been the wronged party. Like when John, her college boyfriend - a hockey player- had cheated on her while at an away game.

That wasn't my fault, she told herself, still staring at the wall. Her mind started to recall memories of her other boyfriends. The reasons for some break-ups were very clear, like John, but then there were others that made no sense to her now.

"Holy shit," she breathed and touched her cheek.

Her mind was whirling. John, the jerk, had cheated of course, making that decision more than easy for her. There was also Henry, a nice guy who had come on a little too strong, too soon. What's wrong with that, really? she asked herself. And Tyler; he spent his weekends playing SOCOM with his friends. That's harmless enough, isn't it? He'd been a perfect gentleman to Hilary the rest of the time.

Rob, with the funky haircut. Paul, who drove a rusted pick-up truck. Jamie, who laughed through his nose. Peter, who'd said he loved her and freaked her out so badly, she'd never even called to tell him it was over.

Hilary's mind was reeling as she took stock of her past relationships. She lay back on her bed and held a hand to her forehead. She hadn't been lying to Mark when she'd told him about her boyfriends. None of them had been right and, after finding John in bed with another woman, it had skewed her view of other men afterward.

In fact, after John had stomped all over her heart, she hadn't even been attracted to the same type of guys as she had before. She'd started to deliberately go for the bad boy, the ones she knew would treat her badly.

I don't deserve that, she thought, feeling tears prick her eyes.

The phone ringing startled her. She jumped off the bed and raced down the hallway but couldn't get to the phone in time. The answering machine beeped and recorded a familiar voice as he left a message.

"Hi Lena, and Hilary!" Anatoli Oborotenski chirped in his thick Russian accent. "I hope you guys aren't sleeping and you're watching our game."

Hilary giggled as she listened. Anatoli was such a good guy and had such a great sense of humor. Even Hilary, jaded as she apparently was, smiled when Anatoli was around.

"I shouldn't be calling and I bet Mark is trying to call right now, too," Anatoli went on and his mention of Mark made Hilary's stomach tense up. "I just wanted to say 'hi' and that you'd better call me when you get home, my Lena. You know I have to hear your voice before I sleep."

Hilary suddenly felt like she was eavesdropping. Blushing, she walked back to her bedroom and shut the door. She heard the muffled sound of Anatoli's voice for another minute before the machine clicked and whirred at the end of his message. As she sat back down on the bed, the phone rang again and she laughed, shaking her head. This time, she didn't bother rushing for the phone; she merely stuck her head out of her room to listen to the message instead.

"Hil, it's me. I thought you'd be home from work by now," Mark said, making Hilary's heart skip several beats. "I guess you might be and maybe you're just ignoring me." Here he sighed noisily. "I wish you'd answer. I just want to talk to you. I don't want to leave things the way we did. I don't... I don't know. Hilary, please, just call me. I... I miss you."

Hilary gasped as the message ended, surprised when tears left wet tracks on her cheeks. She hadn't even realized she was crying until one slipped over her lip. Patting her cheek, she walked out to the front room to play Mark's message again. As she stood there, letting Mark's deep voice wash over her, the phone rang again, scaring her almost out of her skin.

Without thinking, she reached over and answered.

"Hilary!" Anatoli's jubilant voice cried on the other end. "I just called and no one answered."

"I just... got home," Hilary replied lamely.

"I left a message for Lena but I forgot to tell her when I'll be at the hotel. Can you tell her?"

"Of course," Hilary agreed, relieved that it hadn't been Mark trying to call again. She made a note as Anatoli told her when he'd be back at the hotel.

"How are you, Hilary?" Anatoli asked after.

"I'm fine," she answered. She didn't think Mark would have told his teammates everything that had happened between them, but maybe Lena had spilled the beans to Anatoli. "Shouldn't you be going over a game plan with the team right now?" she asked, trying to sound light.

"I don't need it," Anatoli scoffed, making Hilary laugh. "I would rather talk to you."

"Oh, that's so sweet, Obie. I won't tell Lena."

"And I won't tell Mark."

At the mention of Mark's name again, Hilary's stomach clenched and she sucked in a breath.

"Hil? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she whispered. "Actually, I'm kind of tired."

"You know, Mark talks about you all the time," Anatoli said, not taking her hint. "I think you've..." he paused, trying to come up with a word. His English was outstanding, considering how long he'd been in the country, but every once in a while, he couldn't think of the right phrase or word. "He's different," he finished.

"Different?" Hilary repeated. "How?" Do I want to know? she added silently.

"He was happy when he was injured but now he's playing and he's not so happy. I think he misses you."

There was no unit of measure to tell how much that pleased Hilary. She desperately wanted to believe that Anatoli was telling the truth. "I don't know about that, Obie," she replied. "I think he just needs to get his focus back and he'll be fine."

"No, he's OK on the ice. But he's sad and doesn't talk when the games aren't on. I think he misses watching them with you."

"I think he'd much rather play the games than watch. Wouldn't you?"

"Of course," Anatoli agreed with a laugh. "Are you watching the game tonight?"

"Yeah," Hilary lied, glancing guiltily at the blank television screen across the room. "You guys are doing great."

"I know," Anatoli agreed, making Hilary laugh again. "I'll tell Mark you're watching the game and maybe he'll feel better."

"No, you don't have to, Obie," Hilary said.

"I will. If he knows you're watching, then he'll do better."

"I don't know about that."

"Trust me," Obie told her.

Just then, the door to the apartment opened and Lena walked in. They met each other's gaze and smiled in greeting. "Oh, Lena just walked in. You want to talk to her?" Hilary asked Anatoli.

"No, that's OK," Anatoli replied. "I've got to go back to work. You tell her I called to talk to you, not her!"

Hilary laughed and agreed as Anatoli ended the call. She hung up the phone and smiled at her roommate.

"Who was that?" Lena asked as she embraced her friend with a tired sigh.

"Obie," Hilary said. "He said he only wanted to talk to me."

Lena laughed along with her, not in the least threatened by Hilary's words. They both knew how devoted Lena's boyfriend was, which was why Anatoli could get away with jokes like that.

"Man, I'm exhausted," Lena exclaimed as she plopped down on the couch.

Hilary joined her on the couch and they chatted for a few minutes. Lena picked up the remote control and turned on the game as they spoke, smiling when she saw the highlights from the first period.

"I think I'm going to go put on my PJ's and watch the end of the game," Lena announced. "You want some tea?"

Hilary nodded and walked into the kitchen to put the water on to boil.

"Oh, there's a message on the machine," Lena said as she walked by the table with the machine. She clicked the 'play' button and Anatoli's voice filled the room.

Hilary made a show of plugging her ears against the intimate message, making her friend laugh as the message ended.

"He said to call after the game is done and they're at the hotel," Hilary added as Hilary deleted the message.

"All right," Lena said and watched as the machine clicked on to the second message; Mark.

"Oh jeez," Hilary exclaimed and rushed to try to delete it, but Lena scowled. She held Hilary off, listening to the entire message.

"Hil," Lena breathed as Mark's voice ended and the machine whirred back to the beginning. "Why didn't you tell me he's been calling?"

Hilary shrugged. Somehow, in the past few days, she'd managed to keep Mark's messages from Lena. After their fight, Hilary had told Lena that they were through, even if the exact words hadn't been spoken. Now she was horribly embarrassed to be caught red-handed, so to speak.

"Hilary, he's over the moon for you!" Lena exclaimed, holding her friend's arms and looking into her face. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I don't know," Hilary replied in a small voice, feeling tears gather behind her eyelids. She felt herself being tugged into a warm hug and her breath stuttered in her chest. She hugged Lena back and after a few minutes, her roommate got the entire story out of her, including her thoughts about punishing herself.

"Don't be stupid," Lena admonished her after listening. "You don't deserve all the jerks you've dated."

"Then how else do you explain it?" Hilary asked, wiping the dampness from her cheeks. Somehow, they'd moved back to the couch and the TV was quietly playing the Capitals game.

"You're just making bad decisions," Lena replied. "Like now. You're pushing Mark away because you think you don't deserve him."

Hilary stared at her friend and blushed before mumbling, "but I don't deserve him."

"Why don't you let him decide?" Lena asked. "If he's been calling you every day since he left, he obviously doesn't want it to be over." She paused and gave Hilary a hard look. "Do you want it to be over?"

Hilary shrugged, unsure of anything anymore. Did she want to give Mark up? Did she think she didn't deserve someone as fantastic as him? Had her relationship with John screwed her up that badly? Or was she just making excuses because she was scared that someone might actually care for her?

Slowly the thought settled in her mind, along with the other details from her break-up with John, and Hilary stared up at her friend.

"What?" Lena asked, smiling at Hilary's bewildered expression.

"I just... I think I know what's wrong," Hilary replied.

"Good!" Lena exclaimed and patted her shoulder. "You want to tell me?"

Hilary shook her head. She loved her roommate but she wanted to figure this out for herself. The kettle on the stove whistled, announcing that the water was boiled. Lena went to change out of her work clothes while Hilary poured their tea. They chatted a little while longer as they watched the rest of the game, but neither of them brought up the subject of Mark again.




Back on the Ice



That night, Hilary went to sleep quickly, for the first time in over a week. She knew what she had to do and lucky for her, Mark was home in another day.

***

Mark opened his mouth to leave a message as the machine in Hilary and Lena's apartment beeped at him, but decided at the last second to skip it. He shut his phone and went with his teammates as they filed off the plane. Everyone was quiet, tired after their road trip and from coming back to Washington so late. If Hilary wasn't returning his phone calls after a week, he thought he should maybe stop trying.

It's obvious she wants nothing to do with me, Mark thought as he shoved his phone back in his pocket. I'm not going to keep throwing myself at someone who doesn't want me.

"Hey, Mark!" Brody called as they walked through the airport. "You going to see your woman tonight?"

Mark scowled at his friend who grinned innocently at him. "I hadn't planned on it. Why?"

"We should have a drink," Brody suggested.

"It's after midnight, Brody. Aren't you tired?"

"Nope. Come on, I've got beer at my place. Then you don't even have to find a way to get home after." They had apartments in the same building in Arlington.

Rolling his eyes, Mark thought about it for a minute. In the end, he decided to take Brody up on his offer. A few drinks wouldn't hurt. They didn't play again for a few days and it was a Saturday night, after all.

And Hilary is obviously done with me, he added silently. Time to drown my sorrows.

A short while later, he was pacing aimlessly across Brody's apartment as he nursed a bottle of beer. Brody was flipping through the television channels, trying to find a highlights show.

"Why do you want highlights?" Mark asked, turning to watch the channels flicker. "You were in the game."

"I want to see what's happening league-wide," Brody replied with a grin. "I'm keeping myself informed."

Mark shook his head and continued to wander around Brody's living room and kitchen until his friend barked at him to sit down.

"You're making me dizzy," Brody complained.

Chuckling, Mark did as he asked, sitting on the opposite side of the couch from him.

"Why did you even come over if you didn't want to be here?" Brody asked after a short silence.

Mark rolled his head against the back of the couch to meet Brody's eyes. "I wanted to be here."

Rolling his eyes, Brody sipped his beer. "You want to be with Hilary."

"Well, she doesn't want to be with me. So here I am."

"As much as I love being your fallback guy," Brody said dryly. "I've got to ask. Why don't you just go over and see her?"

"I've been calling her all week and she hasn't once returned my calls or answered the phone. Why would I go over there? I'd be lucky if she didn't slam the door in my face."

"She wouldn't do that," Brody scoffed.

"How the hell would you know?"

"I've met her, Mark. You guys might have some issues, and God knows I want nothing to do with them, but you truly like each other."

Mark's eyebrows shot up at Brody's words and a smile spread across his face. "I thought you didn't understand why I even bother?"

"I don't understand," Brody snapped back and threw a glare in his direction. "I'm tired of watching you mope around. You're injury is healed, we just had a kick-ass road trip and you're still acting like someone's hit you from behind."

"Am I?" Mark replied. "I hadn't realized."

"You were starting to bring even me down."

"That's tough to do."

"Tell me about it. So stop drinking like an idiot and go over and talk to her."

Mark hesitated, not moving from the couch. "I don't know."

"I already told you, she won't slam the door in your face."

"How do you know? She's pretty unbelievable when she's angry."

Brody gave him a long look and shook his head ruefully. "Another one bites the dust," he muttered, downing the last of his beer.

"What?"

"You should see the look on your face whenever you talk about her."

"What look?"

"It's the same look Obie and Tolya get when they talk about their women."

"Really?"

Brody rolled his eyes as walked into the kitchen. He pulled the fridge open, grabbed a fresh bottle of beer and popped the top off. "Like I said; another one bites the dust."

Mark looked up at his teammate and grinned. "You sound jealous."

"Don't make me hit you with this bottle," Brody threatened.

Getting to his feet, Mark handed off his half-empty bottle to Brody as he walked past. "I'll let you know how it goes," he called over his shoulder. Then he added as an afterthought, "maybe I can hook you up with one of her single friends!"

"Get out!" Brody barked at him and Mark howled with laughter as he left Brody's apartment.

The drive to Hilary's apartment didn't take long; even in D.C., the streets were pretty quiet in the middle of the night. He rushed through the building and up to Hilary's floor in minutes, knocking several times. The door swung inward and Mark gaped at the sight of his bare-chested teammate, Anatoli, on the other side.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Mark demanded.

Anatoli grinned and jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "I came to see Lena."

"Oh God," Mark groaned and smacked a hand to his forehead. "I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

Anatoli laughed and looked far too amused by his friend's discomfort. "No. We were just getting ready for bed."

"Gah! Stop there! I don't need details," Mark exclaimed and held a hand out at Anatoli. "Is Hilary here?"

"I didn't see her," Anatoli said and turned back towards the apartment. "Lena! Is Hilary home tonight?"

"No!" came the distant reply. "She went out after work."

Mark's face fell as he listened and he managed a weak smile when Anatoli turned back to him.

"Sorry, Mark. Did you call her?"

"No," Mark replied. "I think I'll just go home. See you at practice, Obie."

"OK. See you."

Mark wandered in miserable silence back through the building and out to his car. He drove home, not bothering to call her cell. Hilary would know that he was back in town. She might have even gone out to avoid being home when Anatoli came over.

After a short drive, Mark was back at his building and walked up to his apartment. Well, I guess that's over, he thought, more upset at the prospect than he thought he'd be.

As he walked down the hall of his floor, he had his head down and jingled the keys in his hand. He didn't notice the person sprawled on the floor outside his door until he almost tripped over her legs.

"Hilary!" he exclaimed and gaped at her.

She blinked blearily up at him and smiled. "You woke me up," she muttered and rubbed her face.

"What are you doing here?" Mark asked, dropping to a crouch in front of her. "Who let you in?"

"Brody," she said and covered a yawn with the back of her hand. "I couldn't call you because my phone is dead and you didn't answer the buzzer, so I tried Brody's place instead."

"Why didn't you wait in his apartment? You could have called from there," he said. Even as he spoke, he wondered what the hell he was talking for, when all he wanted to do was hold her close.

"He offered but I just wanted to see you," she told him. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

She blew out a breath and laughed as she shook her head. "Where do I even start?"

Mark smiled, feeling the weight he'd felt on his shoulders for the past week lift. "You want to come in?"

She nodded and he helped her to her feet as he unlocked his door. They walked in together, removing their jackets and heading into the living room.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Mark asked after locking the door and following her to the couch.

"No, I'm fine, thanks," she replied and sat down.

"How long have you been waiting?" Mark asked, sitting down beside her. He wanted to touch her, to pull her onto his lap but he was so confused. He was never confused.

"Not long. I got held up at work and got home just as Anatoli arrived," she said and smiled. "I didn't want to be around for their reunion."

Mark chuckled and agreed with a nod.

"So I drove here instead." She looked up and met his eyes, smiling as color swept across her cheeks. "Mark, I'm so sorry. I should have called."

"It's all right," Mark said and moved a little bit closer. "I can never sleep right after getting home. I would have been up for another hour at least."

She laughed and shook her head. "That's not what I mean. I should have called you back. All week, when you were leaving me messages, I never once called you."

"Oh," he replied. "No, you didn't."

"I was being stupid. You didn't deserve that."

"Hilary-" he started to speak, shifting even closer but she interrupted him by holding up one hand.

"Please, Mark. I owe you an explanation and I need to get it all out." She met his eyes as she spoke and he saw how nervous she looked. He still ached to take her into his arms, every part of him crying out to comfort her, but he waited with more patience than he knew he had.

"I... overreacted before you left," she began. "You were right. I was holding something back from you that night. I told you all about my stupid ex-boyfriends," she paused and laughed. "Which is never a great conversation anyway, but I didn't tell you about the one that really screwed me up. I dated a guy in college who was on the hockey team. John was great. Fun, funny, nice and I'd always been into hockey, so he seemed just perfect to me."

As much as Mark hated to hear this, he remained silent, clenching his jaw against the need to protest. He knew how difficult this was for Hilary so he pushed his insecurities away and listened.

"We'd been going out for almost a year when the team had to go on the road," Hilary went on, looking away and fidgeting in place. "Before he left, we had a great night together. We saw a movie, had some drinks and went back to his dorm room where we stayed up for hours, just talking. He told me he'd been thinking about our future and that he wanted to take the next step. He wanted to find a place near campus over the summer and live there together."

Wow, Mark thought. That's a big deal.

"I was so excited but I did what I thought was the mature thing," she said, twisting her hands in her lap. "I told him I'd think about it. John agreed and left on his trip the next morning. After two days, I knew what I wanted to do. I couldn't wait to tell him and I didn't want to tell him over the phone, so I borrowed my friend's car and drove to meet him at one of the games." Here she paused and drew in a steadying breath. When she spoke again, her voice wavered. "I... wanted to surprise him in his room and I asked one of his teammate's to let me in. I went in and found him with another girl."

Mark couldn't fight his urge anymore. He shifted and put his arms around Hilary, pulling her closer until she settled against his chest. He felt a confusing mixture of anger and elation; anger for the asshole who'd treated Hilary this way, and elation over her finally opening up to him.

"I couldn't believe it," Hilary whispered, trembling in his arms. "He'd just suggested we move in together and there he was, screwing some skinny brunette. I don't even remember what I said to him but I'm pretty sure it wasn't nice."

"Good," Mark growled. "Did you throw something at him too?"

Hilary laughed and he felt her exhalation brush against his throat. "No. I just swore at him for a while, I think, and then left. I cried all the way back home. After that, I couldn't even watch hockey. It was months before I even looked at another guy." She paused and drew in a shaky breath. "He was the first guy I'd wanted to make that kind of commitment with. I'd decided to live with him and he went and slept with someone else."

"I'm so sorry, Hilary," Mark murmured and brushed his lips against her forehead.

"You don't need to be sorry, Mark," she replied and pulled back to look into his face. "I should have told you about this a long time ago. I didn't think it had affected me that badly but it did. What John did... I never really got over it. The fact that you're a hockey player, too... well, I guess I let that affect my judgment. I'm so sorry for doing that to you."

"I know you're sorry," Mark replied. "I just wish you'd never had to have gone through that."

"Well, it took me a while to get over it," she said. "But I think I've figured things out."

"Have you?"

"Yes."

"Like what?"

"You."

"You've figured me out?"

She giggled and nestled her head back under his chin. "I don't think I'll ever figure you out altogether, but I've at least figured out how I feel about you."

Mark's heart thumped alarmingly against his rib cage and he swallowed. "Really?" he murmured, kissing her temple. "Care to share?"

"You're a great guy, Mark," she whispered and her arms circled his waist. "I've never met anyone like you."

He frowned. "This sounds like a break-up speech."

"It's not," she laughed.

"If the next words out of your mouth are 'it's not you, it's me,' I'm so out of here," he grumbled and she laughed again.

"You're ruining my speech, Mark!" she scolded and moved her head back to look into his eyes.

"Sorry, sorry. Go ahead."

"You are a great guy, Mark. I didn't realize it at first because I'd let my history with John affect how I saw you. That was so wrong of me and you don't know how sorry I am." As she spoke, she blinked, revealing blue irises shimmering with unshed tears. Mark's groin tingled and he cupped the back of her head as he pressed gentle kisses to her cheeks. "Mark, please," she murmured and put her palms against his chest to push him away. "Let me finish."

"OK."

"I'm sorry for treating you that way," she said. "I'm sorry that I misjudged you and let my own fears get in the way of sharing myself with you. You're so amazing that I don't feel that I deserve you."

Mark blinked in surprise at her. "You honestly think that? That you don't deserve me?"

She nodded and looked away, shyness taking over. "I've certainly done nothing to earn your affection and trust. I'd understand if you never wanted to see me again."

"Hilary." Mark shook his head and let out a breathless laugh. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I called you three times a day while I was gone. I couldn't even enjoy returning to the line-up because I thought you never wanted to see me again."

"I'm sorry!"

"Stop saying you're sorry."

"I can't," she said. "I need to apologize for treating you so badly. I don't know how you can even stand to look at me."

Mark reached down and cupped her face in his hands. Her bluer-than-blue eyes glistened with tears and she was chewing nervously on her bottom lip. Leaning close, he kissed her, easing her bottom lip out and sucking gently on it until she relaxed. "I can't stand not seeing you, Hil," he whispered, his lips brushing against hers as he spoke. "You make my life much more interesting."

She laughed and shook her head.

"You do!" he insisted and kissed her again. "I don't even know how I filled my days before we met."

"You played hockey, Mark," she reminded him with a smile. "And then you twisted your ankle. That's how we met, remember?"

"How could I forget?" he replied. "What's that saying, about the first day of the rest of your life? Well, when I met you, that's when the rest of my life started."

Hilary gasped and blinked rapidly, releasing the tears she'd been holding in so far. Mark held her close, covering her face and lips with kisses. She clung to him, stuttering over her sobs and trying to say something else to him. With a soft laugh, Mark pulled back and stroked his thumbs over her cheeks while he waited for her to get it out.

"I still don't deserve you," she managed after a long moment.

"Yes, you do," he replied.

"Why?"

"Because I say so."

She rolled her eyes and sniffled. "What a domineering, male thing to say." Her voice was soft as she spoke, taking the sting out of her words.

Mark chuckled, still holding her face and waiting. He knew she had more to say.

"I'm sorry, Mark."

"Stop saying that."

"But I am. I'm going to keep saying it until you forgive me for being so stupid. I tried to drive you away and I was such a bitch for so long, but you stuck it out. I don't understand why."

"Neither do I," he replied, repeating the words to her that had started their argument over a week ago.

This time, they laughed together and Mark kissed Hilary before elaborating.

"It's not just because you're a challenge," he said with a grin. "Which you are." She smacked his thigh with an open palm. "Well, it's true!" She agreed with a laugh. "I liked that you were kind of mean, at first. I figured it meant you never took crap from anybody. I never wanted to be with a woman who giggled and told me everything I wanted to hear. I wanted someone who could give it back as good as she got."

Hilary smiled, more tears gathering in her eyes as she gazed up at him. Mark swallowed at the look in her eyes and slid his hands down her back until he was teasing the skin just under the waist of her jeans. Her pupils dilated and she sucked in a breath at the contact.

"I knew all along that you were someone I wanted to keep around," he whispered. "I just had to wait for you to figure it out as well."

"Mark," she murmured and pressed her forehead to his neck, laughing. "This is why I don't deserve you."

"Stop saying that," he growled, pressing his fingertips into her flesh. "I get to decide what you deserve and I say that you do."

"When did you get so bossy?" she asked after a short silence.

Mark shrugged as he began to stroke her skin. "I guess you just bring it out in me."

"Well, don't get used to it. I'm not the kind of girl to just lie down and take it, you know."

"Oh really?" Mark asked and leaned back to look into her face. She met his gaze, a smirk tilting her full lips, but when he grinned at her, she flushed a deep crimson. He knew that she recognized the look in his eyes. "You don't like to just lie there? And take it?"

She gasped and shook her head, never taking her eyes from his.

"I think you're lying to me," he said, pushing his hands under her jeans and cupping her luscious behind. "Are you lying?"

"No," she whispered.

"Hilary?" As he spoke her name, he moved one hand to her front, undoing the button of her jeans.

"What?"

He chuckled and leaned his head down, pressing his lips to her fluttering pulse. "Tell me the truth. Don't you like to just lie there? And take it?"

She shuddered when he stroked her heated skin with his tongue and her fingers dug into his shoulders. "Yes," she hissed out and Mark grinned.

"Thank God," he murmured and opened his mouth over her throat, sucking and licking her skin until she moaned.

As he did that, he undid her jeans and pushed a hand inside to cup her over her panties. She squirmed against him and arched into his arms.

"Mark?" she whispered a moment later, breaking through the haze of his desire. She was moving so sweetly against his hand and he pushed aside the crotch of her underwear to touch her. "Oh, God!"

Mark lifted his head to grin down at her. "You wanted to ask me something, Hil?" He watched her as she writhed in his arms. She had her bottom lip caught between her teeth and her eyes were squeezed shut. All her honey-colored hair was hanging over her shoulders and the ivory column of her throat was exposed, her pulse jumping just under her chin.

God, she's beautiful, he thought, swallowing hard.

"Do you forgive me?" she asked as he continued to stroke her, and he was amazed that she managed to get the entire question out.

"For what?"

"For trying to push you away," she whispered and her eyes fluttered open to meet his gaze. "For being so mean and not telling you why." She paused and a smile stretched across her face. "For lying to you a minute ago?"