0 comments/ 3980 views/ 0 favorites PETA People By: Cal Y. Pygia They have nice bodies, and they're supposed to be celebrities, but, like a lot of other guys, I've never heard of most of them. Who, for example, is Angela Simmons? Or Alicia Myers? Or Aya Sugimoto? Or Bonnie Jill-Laflin? PETA people, that's who—and famous ones, at that. If you're a clueless as I am, you no doubt need a Who's Who Among PETA People, and that's what this is. How lucky can you get? On this list, don't look for the names of celebrities who are really celebrities, such as Eva Mendes, Famke Janssen, Hayden Panettiere, Pamela Anderson, Kim Bassinger, Khloe Kardashian, and Traci Bingham. They're well known enough, at least to many, to qualify as celebrities, even though they're not on Hollywood's "A" list. Instead, look for the has-beens and never-weres. In many cases, there will also likely be quite a few never-will-bes. They all have something in common, though: they've posed naked or half-naked on a PETA poster. They also have a couple of other characteristics in common: they're as likely to be posing for a PETA for personal reasons (namely, to garner some free, and much-needed, publicity) as to promote the welfare of the animal kingdom and they have nice bodies. * Angela Simmons Angela is the daughter of a rapper, Rev. Run. (Who is "Rev. Run"?) In her poster, she's standing as she imagines a serpent might stand, in a serpentine manner, ivy trailing along her naked thigh, holding a red apple. Part of the text—the word "PETA" and "Eating Meat Is a Sin"--are in green, like the ivy. The rest of the text, "Angela Simmons for" and "Go Vegetarian" are in white, symbolizing purity, perhaps. Angela, apparently, is a modern-day Eve, tempting men (the Adams who view the poster) to eat meat. Curiously, however, she chooses a fruit, an apple, to tempt them to commit this sin. Odd, even for PETA. Carrie Otis Carrie is a model. (What does she model, and for whom?) She's a mermaid swimming with the fishes. The water is dark blue and full of bubbles. The rest of the poster, except for a few yellow fish and orange fish, is also blue, in different shades and hues. Carrie looks toward the viewer as she swims effortlessly through the sea, arms at her sides. The caption speaks for her: "Try to Relate to Who's on Your Plate" (not "what's on your plate, mind you, but "who"). The best thing about the poster? Carrie is topless, and she has nice, if somewhat small, tits. Her scales, though, look more like those that a lizard would wear than those to which fish are partial. Oh, well, we can't have it all—especially in a PETA poster. Alaska ? Whoever Alaska is, she's meant to appeal to Mexicans, Spaniards, and others who speak Spanish; her poster's text reads, "La verdad aldesnudo: La Tauromaquia es Cruel. Alaska por Gatti para PETA." (Translated: "The naked truth: Bullfighting is Cruel . Alaska by Gatti for PETA"). The model is shown naked, except for her high heels and tattoos, with three banderillas, or barbs, in her bloody back, so, yes, it's a great poster: it shows nudity, and the "bull" has a good body, well rounded and sleek. Alicia Mayer Filipina actress (The Philippines has actresses?) Nude, her left arm folded over her breasts, her dark hair falling, her right arm hanging diagonally off the table upon which she lies, her left leg out straight, her right arm hanging diagonally off the table (at about the same angle as her right arm), a toe tag on the big toe of her right foot, she looks at the viewer, looking very much alive, despite her surroundings and the toe tag. She's supposed to be dead, thought; the poster's text makes this intention clear: in black letters, their lower portions tinged with crimson, followed by all-white letters, for contrast, followed by red letters the message is spelled out clearly enough: "Meat Belongs in the Morgue, Not on Your Table. Go Vegetarian!" At the lower right corner, the celebrity's name appears, "Alicia Mayer for PETAAsiaPacific PinoyVeg.com." As usual, the message is undercut by the graphics: not many human carnivores are cannibals. Because of the nudity, though, PETA apparently believes the poster clever, creative, and effective. Probably, the organization is wrong on all counts. Alicia also appears as a "meat" on ice, in another PETA poster that, personifying foodstuffs, asks readers to "Relate to who's [not "what's," but "who's"] on Your Plate. Meat hooks and chains hank in midair, and one lies at her frosted feet. The smaller text at along the bottom edge of the poster advises readers that "No One Wants to Be Treated Like a Piece of Meat." Once again, at the lower right corner, the celebrity's name appears, "Alicia Mayer for PETAAsiaPacific PinoyVeg.com." In a third PETA poster, Alicia wears a bikini made of lettuce leaves and holds a sign, the letters of which, in green, match the color of her swimsuit: "Let Vegetarianism Grow On You. PETA.org." Clever? Uh. . . . Apparently, Alicia and PETA cannot get enough of one another. In yet another PETA poster, the actress, wearing white lingerie and diamond jewelry while holding a partially peeled banana (can anybody say "phallic symbol"?), looks at the viewer, letting the phallic symbol and the poster's text speak for her: "Eating Meat Got You Down? Get It Up! Go Vegetarian." There is no scientific evidence, of course, that a meat diet causes erectile dysfunction, low testosterone, impotence, or any other condition that makes attaining an erection difficult, but, since this poster is a product of PETA propaganda, no such support is necessary. Yet again, at the lower right corner, the celebrity's name appears, "Alicia Mayer for PETAAsiaPacific PinoyVeg.com." Amanda Beard Olympic swimmer (She looks good in a bikini.) Amanda kneels, naked, a gigantic Old Glory stretched out upon the wall behind her, her left arm folded across her chest and her left hand covering her right breast, her right hand resting upon her right hip. She looks directly at the reader, offering what, presumably, is intended as a self-assured stare. "Be Comfortable in Your own Skin," large white letters counsel. "Don't wear fur." Of course, despite her direct stare, Amanda doesn't look all that "comfortable" in her "own skin," for she feels the need to cover her nipple, as if the fleshly nub is somehow improper or indecent. Once again, PETA's imagery undercuts its textual message, but, what the hell, there's nudity. Ami Grove English model (The English have models? Next, PETA will be telling us they have fashion, too!) As we saw with the Angela Simmons poster, serpents are favorite images among PETA photographers or art directors or somebody associated with the production of PETA propaganda (women's shapes are so serpentine, after all), and another snake appears in the Ami Grove poster. Amy herself, is, in fact, the serpent. She lies, supine, on a thick tree branch, the upper half of her body slightly raised and supported upon her elbows. A few leaves are thrown in to reinforce the idea that Ami is a tree snake, and her body, painted light brown and patterned with the markings of an imaginary snake (can anyone say "phallic symbol"?), her hair short and painted, above her ears, with scales, she looks at the reader (but looks, despite the body paint, the fake leaves and the false limb much like a naked woman whose body is painted to resemble an imaginary snake." Once again, the text, speaks for her; a yellow circle bears the message, in black letters, "Leave Wildlife Out of Your Wardrobe. PETA." Annalise Braakenssiek Model and actress (She must star only on unaired pilots.) Annalise lies supine, her arms cradling a lamb, as she smiles at the viewer, her beautiful face framed by wavy blonde hair, the twin moons of her flawless derriere on view behind her right shoulder, before her calves and the crossed ankles of her raised, upright calves. The caption, in white letters: "The Naked Truth: Lambs Suffer and Die in Live Export." "See more SaveTheSheep.com. Annalise Braakenssiek for PETA." Aya Sugimoto Divorcee. Nude, Aya sits upon the edge of a large white plastic cube, looking at the viewer as she holds a sign bearing, in mauve letters, "Fur? I'd Rather Go Naked. PETA." (Obviously, we're supposed to share her sentiments, albeit about ourselves, and not the fetching Ms. Sugimoto.) Bethenny Frankel Another divorcee. (Maybe not getting enough of her man's meat in her diet makes a wife cranky.) This time, the announcement, "Bethenny Frankel for PETA," appears in the poster's upper right corner, rather than in its lower right corner. Bethenny herself, who is altogether nude, stands in three-quarters profile, looking over her left shoulder, as she offers viewers a view of her splendid backside, just above which, in white letters, under the single-word rhetorical question, "Fur?" is her own response: "I'd Rather Go Naked." Behind and below her, stretched across the bottom of the poster, is a city skyline, which suggests that both Bethenny herself and her sentiments are cosmopolitan. Bonnie-Jill Laflin Model. (I saw her in a swimsuit once.) Numbers on a green chalkboard (green, for money, perhaps). Two men in conservative, dark suits and ties, one looking horrified, as he tents his interlaced fingers atop his head, the other yanking his own tie, as if to hang himself, while looking equally aghast as he clutched the moneybag he has set on the nearby desk, where, before them, lying on her side, but half-turned, at the waist, to her left, Bonnie-Jill lies, naked, her right forearm and hand laid against the right side of her head and the tight curl of her dark locks framing her unperturbed face. The burnished surface of the desk, resembling wood on fire, reflects onto the shirt of the man who seems to want to hang himself with his own tie, suggesting that he is being immolated. A sentence in white letters, followed by another sentence, in yellow letters. against a green rectangle in the lower right corner of the poster, attempt to clarify the images: "Bank on Your Health. Go Vegetarian." In smaller text (the proverbial fine print), in white letters followed by yellow letters, an explanation: "From heart disease to impotence, from obesity to diabetes, eating meat could bankrupt your body. Whatever else you may lose, save your health." The message is, the viewer sees, a direct quotation of Bonnie-Jill's own words of wisdom, for it is attributed to her as its source: "Bonnie-Jill Laflin for PETA." But Bonnie-Jill is not through, yet; her spiel for PETA continues in another poster. This time, with her back to the viewer, but looking over her left shoulder to maintain eye contact, she offers a view of her lovely ass, as she stands before an open (and empty) locker in a locker room, her tennis shoes on the floor near a simple wooden bench. She smiles. The fine print, in white letters, appears in the poster's upper right corner (not that many male viewers would be likely even to notice the text: "Vegetarians are less likely than meat-eaters to be obese and are less at risk for developing heart disease, diabetes, and certain types of cancer. Adopt a plant-based diet and look good—inside and out." In much larger text, that may be taken literally by female viewers and as a double entendre by male viewers, Bonnie-Jill asks, "Want My Body? Go Vegetarian." In the lower left corner of the poster, the customary "celebrity" identification and her link to PETA appears: "Bonnie-Jill Laflin for PETA." Charlotte Ross Days of Our Lives soap actress. She also stars on a cop show. (Who watches soaps? Who likes cops?) She lies on her stomach, in profile, showing her left side. She has long, blonde hair, blue eyes, sleek curves, and big breasts. A white rabbit lies against her bosom; she strokes its back. In cursive, large white letters, matching the bunny, quotes the naked actress, "I'd Rather Show My Buns Than Wear Fur. -- Charlotte Ross, NYPD Blue." In the lower right corner of the poster, "PETA FurIsDead.com" is displayed," making one wonder just how many web sites PETA operates, anyway. The fur in this poster, the white rabbit, is not dead, so, once again, the poster's image undercuts its claim. In a second poster. Charlotte treats viewers to shots of both her ass and the side of her right breast as she holds a white rabbit at chest level, smiling, over her right shoulder, at her viewer. The same quotation, in the same lettering, as that which appears in the other poster is cited: "I'd Rather Show My Buns Than Wear Fur. -- Charlotte Ross, NYPD Blue." In the lower left corner, the same text, but reversed, is shown: "FurIsDead.com PETA." Christian Serratos Angela Weber in Twilight. (Who is she in daylight?) Christian stands, naked (of course) near a gnarly tree, in a forest, the other trees of which resemble the blades of knives as much as they do trees. There is a thick fog, near and far. Christian's ass is lovely, as is what is visible of the side of her right breast, over which her right hand is folded. Her other hand rests atop her head, upon her luxurious brown locks of wavy hair. Except for her Caucasian color, the dominant hue is gray: the trees are gray, a fallen log is gray, the ground is gray, even the fog is light gray. The poster's text is also gray: "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur." The obligatory naming of PETA and its link to the "celebrity" featured on the poster appears, also in gray, in the poster's lower left corner: "Christian Serratos for PETA." Cristy Turlington Calvin Klein model way back when. (No wonder nobody's heard of her.) Cristy lies upon her stomach, showing her right profile, calves raised, her upper body lifted and resting upon her elbows. The side of her right breast, or part of it, peeks from behind her right biceps. Her ankles are crossed; one hand, her right, is folded over the other. She looks out of the poster, at the viewer, her face calm, her red hair combed perfectly, drawing attention to the direct gaze of her big eyes. Her pale skin contrasts starkly with the featureless black background. White letters, across the top of the poster, read, "I'd rather go naked than wear fur," as if nudity is the only alternative to not wearing fur. Her name appears following the quotation, to let the viewer know that these are her words, and not those of Christian Serratos or another "celebrity." In the lower left corner, there is another message: "PETA: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals." A slew of other "celebrities" have doffed their clothes for the cause (and for the benefit of their fledgling or failing careers), including Danity Kane, Diaz Suicide, Dita Von Teese, Dominique Swain, Elen Rivas, Elisabetta Canalis, Elsie Suicide, Evette Suicide, Fractal Suicide, Geneva Cruz, Hana Nitsche, Holly Madison, Imogen Bailey, Isabel Roces, Jamelia, Jenna Dewan Tatum, Jenna Jameson, Jessica-Jane Clement, Joanna Krupa, Karina Smirnoff, Keeley Hazell, Kelly Brook, Kiora Lee Simmons, Kristen Johnston, Laura Vandervoort, Layla Kayleigh, Lisa B., Lisa Edelstein, Maggie Q., Michelle Manhart, Natasja Verneer, Nena Suicide, Nia Long, Olivia Munn, Prussia Suicide, Rigel Suicide, Roselyn Sanchez, Sadie Frost, Sarah Jane, Sasha Gray, Sheryl Lee, Sophie Monk, Stephanie Pratt, Suzanne McCabe, Taraji P. Henson, Vida Guerra, Wendy Williams, Isabel Rocas, and Tamara Ecclestone. Admittedly, some of these names may be more familiar to others than they are to me; I don't get out all that much anymore. But, in most cases, most folks are likely to think that, when Dancing with the Stars gets really desperate, PETA posters provide the show's producers with a whole roster of possible "stars" for their contest. Despite (or because) of the nudity, most people find PETA obnoxious, juvenile, asinine, and just plain idiotic. Any serious message the organization might have tends to be lost in all the tits and ass. It's hard to take serious a group that has to rely upon a skin show, a few misogynistic metaphors, inane imagery, painful puns, artless allusions, dubious double entendres, and other wretched rhetorical devices to convey a points that many find both dubious and repulsive. One wants to smack PETA people across the ass a few dozen times and shout, "Wake up!" Instead, the PETA audience is subjected to lines such as those already quoted and to other such "gems" as these: "Ink, Not Mink." (This caption appears in a series of posters showing tattooed "celebrities" such as Duff McKagan and Susan Holmes-McKagan.) "Tackle Cruelty: Bench Fur." (The poster features the Lingerie Football League.) "Be Proud of Your Body Scan." "Turn Your back on Fur." (These posters feature some beautiful buttocks.) "Real Beauty Is Not Wearing Somebody Else." "Don't Miss a Step: Spay or Neuter Today.!" "It's as easy as ABC: Animal Birth Control." "Be an Angel for Animals." "Go Natural. Go Vegan." "All Animals Have the Same Parts." (In PETA posters, these are tits and ass.) "Say 'no' to fur and you can do me like a rabbit.) (Hayden Panettiere appears in this poster, not only completely nude, but showing her shaved pussy!) "Earn Your Wings." "The Naked Magician" (in which Panettiere, showing her pussy—and her breasts!--says, "Watch me pull a rabbit out of . . . ") (The coy ellipsis is PETA's, not mine.) "I Always Fake It. I Never Wear Fur." "Shackled. Shackled. Beaten. Abused. Boycott Thailand. Stop Elephant Cruelty." "No One Likes an 8-Second Ride." (Imogen Bailey's anti-rodeo poster.) "Spice Up Your Life." (Isabel Roces lies naked in a bed of red-hot chili peppers, in a poster that is both sexist and racist.) "Wearing Exotic Skins Kills." "Pleather Yourself." "Sometimes Too Much Sex Can be a Bad Thing" (says X-rated "actress" Jenna Jameson, reminding her audience to spay or neuter their pets.) "No Bunny Should Suffer for Beauty. Don't delay the EU test ban." "I'd rather dance naked than wear fur." "Whose Skin Are You In?" "Beauty Is Not About Wearing Someone Else's Coat." "Don't Get Taken For a Ride. Horse-drawn Carriages Are Cruel." "Animal Testing Breaks Hearts." "Eat Green to Go Green." "Turn Over a New Leaf." "Boycott the Circus." "Who Needs Fur to Feel Beautiful?" "Give Fur the Cold Shoulder." "Chicks agree: please boycott KFC." "I wouldn't be caught dead in fur." (She shaves her pussy.) So the posters have amateurish and juvenile copy, images that undercut or contradict text, and, often, "celebrities" that no one has ever heard of before (and will probably never hear of again). They are tacky, grotesque, sexist, racist, misogynistic, pornographic, obscene, and just plain stupid. However, despite these faults, they do have a few assets that makes them bearable and ensures their longevity: Tits and ass!