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Who Is Ch. 01

By: CatRun



Hey there everyone. This and intense action thriller about finding love in a world of deceit and crime. I wasn't sure which category to post it in so if you have any suggestions after the story progresses then please let me know.

*****

Who is Alicia Carter? We're going to find out! 

Did you go into this with a plan? Or was it more of a crime of passion?

No, I didn't plan anything. But it wasn't really a crime of passion either. They say "Do what you love and the money will come". Well I loved what I did. Everything else just fell into place after that.

How long until you got caught?

Caught?

Yeah, arrested?

You'll have to be clearer?

I don't know how I could be. How long had it been since you started this whole thing until the police caught you?

Well, since I was caught and arrested nine times in total... you'll have to be clearer.

Wait? Nine times?

Yup, nothing ever stuck when I was arrested and the people who caught me are now all dead.

Did... did you kill them all?

No!

Do you have any remorse for what you've done?

Yes.

And what's that?

Getting caught.

So... Wait... Uh... How did this all start for you?

It was in college.

*****

It was my first year in college and I realized that there was more to life than what I was taught the mere 19 years earlier. High school was so tough, I wanted college to be a fresh start. The new beginning of the rest of my life.

I came from humble beginnings. I was raised on a farm on the outskirts of a small town. At least I think 400 people is a small town. My mom was a nurse at the local clinic and my dad was a farmer, as well as a preacher at the only church in the county. They wanted what was best for me so it was not uncommon to hear phrases like "you can do anything you want" or "you can be anything you want" even though they knew the truth and the chances of actual success of that happening are slim to none. Of all the things my parents taught me, that was the one the stuck in my mind. I promised myself I would become whatever I wanted, and I wanted everything.

I have no problem with the way my parents raised me but that life style was not for me. Growing up we were always very religious - in every way. Church on Sunday, scriptures every night, weekend seminary. There was a time I used to take it as seriously as my parents did but those days are now behind me. Although that's not to say it's not forever a part of my life. I'm grateful for the lessons they taught me and I'm grateful to the way I was raised but I believed there was more to life and was determined to find out what it was.

In high school, I was always shy. I noticed the other kids around me talking and having fun with each other but I felt more comfortable with my books and home work. While all the other girls my own age were dating I was tucked in the corner of the library reading my favorite comic book or graphic novel. That's where I wanted to be at the time. But there was one boy in my class that I would give up books for. Scott Matheson, the only boy in school gave me feelings like I had never had before. He played football and wrestled but he was not a "jock". He was quieter and from what I could observe, he was kinder and sweeter than the other boys. I was a freshman and he was a senior but we had two of the same classes. 

I always sat on the back row in class so it was easy to watch him without being caught. But that's what I did. I was so shy that in my mind it was easier to stay away from personal relationships and just picture it in my mind. That is until Scott glanced back one day and caught me staring at him. 

I am so embarrassed. My face immediately flushes and can feel my skin heating up. He gives me a look and I cannot tell if it is one of confusion or anger so I just sink down in my chair. 

He turns back to face the front but when class ends, he stands up and walks directly to me. I think he is upset and swallow hard, preparing for the worst, but instead, Scott asks me out on a date. My heart begins to beat and a feeling of excitement fills me entirely. Did he really just ask me out? There were prettier girls than I at this school but he decided to ask me. I felt honored and happier than I ever have. A smile begins to form on my lips but I try my best to hide it.

I try to speak calmly but I cannot contain my excitement and blurt out, "YES! Please!" I realize what I just said and how I said it. My eyes open wide and I try to salvage it, "Uh... I mean...Yes! I would like that."

Scott gives me the kindest smile and laughs, "Well good. How about tomorrow?"

"Saturday?" I ask.

"That's what they call it." He replied with a smirk.

All I can do is smile back and blush as I squeak out, "Okay."

Scott smiles once again, "Sweet, I'll pick you up at six?"

I can only nod my head and cover my smile with my hands. I must have looked so ridiculous but I do not care. 

Before our first date, the most I had ever done with a boy is the activities we do in class. It was 6 O'clock and I have been getting ready for the last hour. I want everything to be perfect. The only problem is that if my parents see me leaving the house like this, I will end up not going just because of being upset at what they say.

I throw a hoodie and sweat pants on to cover up my dress and head out the door. Just as I expect, my parents are waiting in the living room. 

"Where you headed?" My mom asks.

My dad stands behind her and gives me a look. He does not say a word. 

I look at my mom and reply, "Mattie's. Her parents said I could eat with them tonight." I have never lied to my parents before but I am not going to let anything ruin this night.

She scratches her chin and gives me a look but then gives in, "okay, but be home by ten. It's a school night."

I nod my head and leave the house feeling a sense of accomplishment. My heart begins to pound and I get excited thinking of seeing Scott tonight.

He did not plan anything and we ended up having ice cream at the local malt shop. He did not even by me dinner. But I did not care, I was utterly taken with him and everything he said was music to my ears. 

For the next three weeks we got to know each other. He liked the same books and activities as I did and even wanted to play video games with me, my favorite activity. It was the happiest time of my life. I felt comfortable with him. 

On our third date, Scott walked me back to my house and I had my first kiss. I was nervous and awkward but it was the best and most exciting thing I had ever experienced. 

It was a small peck on the lips but the power of the feelings racing through my body are not. I start to shake with excitement and as he pulls away I cannot help myself. I lean in for another kiss. I catch him off guard and he pulls away with a surprised look. For a brief moment I think that I destroyed everything and ruined this beautiful night but the look on his face is soon replaced with a smile. He leans in and kisses me again, this time a little longer. My mind is racing a whole assortment of thoughts and I can hardly concentrate on anything except this moment. I pull away with a huge smile that I cannot remove even if I wanted to. 

As he walks away, I can hardly contain myself and once he was out of view I jumped up and down and twirled with delight. Just then the front door opened and my father stepped into view. "Your mother and I would like to have a word with you." I thought the happy feelings of kissing Scott could never end but just like always, my parents found a way to make that happen.

I stepped into the living room and for the next hour my parents described in detail what would happen if I had sex with him. 

"You can't be doing this honey." My mom spoke alone but my dad was right there sitting in his favorite chair nodding in disappointment.

"Mom!" I counter. "We only kissed."

"And that's exactly how it starts." She never listens to me. 

"How is kissing that bad anyway?" I speak frankly. "Didn't you and mom kiss before you married her?" 

He stands from where he is sitting and stares daggers at me before backhanding me across my face. I feel like this might be my last moment on earth. My cheek burns with fire it is all I can do to hold back the tears. He snarls at me and yells, "You little whore! How dare you? Your mother and I waited til we were married before we kiss or even held hands. Since the day you were born, you have been the Carter family curse. You miserable, fucking piece of shit." 

I try to run out of the room but my dad grabs my hair an pulls me toward him. I cry and scream to get away but it's no use. He pulls me close and whispers, "I wish you were never born."

He throws me to the ground and screams once more, "Get out of my sight. You disgust me."

All I could do was cry and run to my room. Hard to believe, I know, especially for a preacher. But that is who he was. That was not the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last. 

The next morning during breakfast my mom reminds me of the "worldly dangers" and what I should look out for and that kissing is a "gateway" to other activities including sex. 

I assured her that I would be true to my beliefs and to my family... but I only half believed the words coming out of my mouth. I liked the physical feelings that Scott gave me and I wanted to explore that more but my parents made me feel guilty about it. Always relating every situation to the church and religion. I had always wondered why they put so much pressure on me regarding this because it just made me want to never tell them anything about my life. I did not want to have this happen every time I found something that brought me happiness in life. That was the last time I took any boy home and the last time I had even led on that I was seeing anyone or even interested. 

For the next month Scott and I would grow even closer and as much as I like kissing him, I want more even though I had no idea what "more" meant. One night, after having gone to a nearby lake for swimming and a picnic, we decide to have sex for the first time. Neither of our parents would be happy with what we are planning so we decide to find a secluded hotel and never tell another soul. 

Everything is perfect. I love this boy and he loves me and knowing what we are about to do only makes me feel better about my decision. We make it to the room and lay on the bed, looking into each other's eyes. Scott lifts himself up and knees on the bed to take of his clothes. I like what I saw and my skin began to grow hot and flushes as excitement rushes through my body. He leans over and kisses me, this time with tongue. He lifts my blouse and begins to unbutton it when something happened. I start to cry.

All of my upbringing and the lessons from my parents come rushing back to me all at once. I is so embarrassed and I do not know what to say. He pulls on his pants and lays next to me until I am able to talk about what happened. I explain to him that I really want to have sex but that I am just not ready yet. I do not know what I would do if I did not have my family. I do not like my parent's constant threats about disowning me but I still love them.

Instead of losing my virginity that night, I sat in a hotel room crying on Scott's arm. He was kind about it though, he told me that he would rather me be honest and that we can wait until I felt ready. We decided to leave after a few more minutes so that we did not raise any alarms with our parents but it did not help. My parents must have suspected something because I got the "speech" once again when I got home. 

Are you kidding me? Before I even have a chance to have sex, my parents break me down with constant talks of what will happen to me if I have sex before I get married and then when I feel like I did the right thing by saying no to Scott I get bombarded with the same speech and threats. I could not even tell them that I said no to having sex because they would get angry for letting myself get into a risky situation with a boy. My dad did not slap me that night but he would have if my mom did not slap me first.

I went to school the next day to find that Scott was not there. After what had happened the night before, I really just wanted to talk to him. That is when I did something that I had never done before - I skipped class.

I walk to his house in hopes that he is there. His car is in the driveway and his parent's cars are gone so I let myself in. 

I walk upstairs and I heard him, "Oh my God!" What is this? He does not know I am here. I am confused but it only gets worse when I hear a girls voice say, "Is that good?"

I continue cautiously down the hall to his room. His door was partially opened so I slowly push it open the rest of the way. I may be new to dating and relationships but no one needs experience to know when your heart is broken. Scott and the coach of the volley ball team lay naked on his bed together. It is an image that would forever plague my mind.

After a lot of me crying and a lot of poor excuses from him, I stormed out of his house, crying and ashamed. I did not know what to do and I could not tell my parents so I just bottled it up inside and tried my best to forget about it. I could not even report Mrs. Canton for sleeping with a student because my parents would find out. 

I did not try dating again till I was 18 and finally over my last experience. It was with Gram Henderson, my childhood friend. We only dated here and there until we both graduated later that year. I had a 4.0 every year and I was not about to let a boy get in the way of my becoming valedictorian, especially after what happened the last time I let my guard down for a boy. We talked about having sex but I was not sure if I could go through the same thing as last time. Instead, we watched movies, we went to comic book stores, we played video games and we even had our first kiss. 

When summer finally came, we did everything, including deciding which college we were going to attend. We talked about marriage and while he never proposed, we both felt good about. We spent every day together touring different spots on the coast, visiting coffee shops and eating at some of the most interesting places. We would make out and he felt me up a few times, but mostly we just got to know each other. For hours and sometimes days at a time we would stay up all night talking and teasing each other.

Gram pressured me for sex every now and then but it did not bother him when I reminded him about wanting to wait for marriage.

Just as Gram and I were heading off to college, I walk into his house to pick him up and drive to our new home at Stanford University only to find him in bed with my best friend from high school, Mattie. You would think that after my first experience, I would have been a little more empowered and yelled at him or thrown something at his head or gouged Mattie's eyes out but all I could do was stare. Mattie screeched when she saw me. She rolled off of him and tried to cover herself with a sheet. I did not cry but I could not do anything else either, all I could do was blame myself. Can you believe it? We talked about marriage and starting a life together and when I catch him cheating on me all I can do is blame myself. I was weak. Do not get me wrong, I was vulnerable and young and immature but I would think that if it were anyone else they would have done something a little more appropriate for the situation. 

I walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed and asked, "What did I do wrong".

Gram covered himself and muttered, "No...nothing... you just..."

"What?" I inquired. He didn't say anything so this time I demanded firmly, "What? Tell me."

He was surprised and blurted out, "You wouldn't have sex with me. All you wanted to do was talk and I just wanted to fuck!"

Mattie scoffed at how I was reacting to what had just taken place. Once she realized I was no threat, she ripped off the sheet, exposing her naked body to the cold air in the room. I don't know why but I remember the goose bumps slowly forming on her skin. At the time I felt even worse because all I could think about was how much more pretty she was then I. 

She pulled up her pants and threw on her shirt before strolling past me for the door. She looked me up and down and she spoke confidently, "Now I know why he cheated on you." Pathetic, I know. 

It was at this point when I decided that I was done with dating. I know I know, like you have never heard that one before. I knew my decision to give up dating was not going to last but I decided to say fuck it to the whole boyfriend thing and just have fun with life - at least try. Especially with college just around the corner, I did not want to tie myself to just one person but it was harder than I thought.

Who Is Ch. 02



So was all of this just to "get back at daddy"?

No! I was not bitter about what they did or how they treated me... I was just sad. At the time I felt as though my family hated me and anyone that I tried to form lasting relationships with treated me like shit. 

So you don't regret that those things happened to you?

Not at all. Those experiences made me who I am today. I am grateful for everything my family has ever done for me. I loved them then and I still love them now.

Yeah? And who are you today? 

Not sure yet.

Not sure? You spoke confidently before about how your experiences make you who you are today and now you say that you don't know?

One doesn't find themselves overnight. Just because I don't know, fully, who I am doesn't mean I can't like who I am so far. I have new experiences everyday and I cannot wait for what experiences await me in the future.

I've pored over these case files and I have to say, I'm a little more than shocked.

Why is that?

I'm trying to figure out how someone goes from an innocent girl straight out of high school to... to this.

It didn't happen over night. 

What didn't? 

You will have to be more specific.

Well... no one just does these things without knowing they have a bit of a dark side in them.

No, they do not.

What do you mean by that?

I have always looked at life differently than how I was raised. It is similar to my curiosity being piqued by sex solely because my parents made it out to be this huge secretive thing that I should never do. They taught me the same way about how to treat others. They burned it into my memory that you treat people how you want to be treated. This piqued my curiosity once again because a true bully treats you awful, regardless of how you treat them. I learned later on how true this is. You have to treat bully's how they treat you and go as far as they will... otherwise it will never end.

But what if they don't stop. How do you know when you've gone too far.

When it comes down to it, there is no "too far". There is only 'far enough'. It is the only way you can come out on top.

**************

The first few weeks of college were spent alone in my dorm room crying and wishing I was dead, barely getting out of the house for class once or twice a week. I went from valedictorian to flunking all my classes in less than a month. It was not all bad though... it was at college that I learned who I was and lived up to my full potential. 

I thought about what Scott and Graham had done constantly. I hated them for what they had done to me and wanted them to hurt just as much as I have. My parents' teachings, regarding treating others with kindness regardless of how they treated you, were always in my mind and I hated that too. 

It was week six when I forced myself to leave the house for something other than school. I was determined to cheer myself up. I walked to the closest coffee shop and ordered a large Lavender Chai Late with four shots of dark espresso. I probably would have had a good time if I weren't feeling so awful but life is what it is. It was 4:30 and the place was packed. I only saw one person there who looked like they weren't in college and everyone else was either my age or just a little older. They formed little cliques and groups, pushing tables and chairs together. A few boys pulled out guitars and played horribly in attempts of impressing the girls around them. But it was fun. Even though I reverted back to my thoughts of high school and secluded myself in the furthest corner, it was nice to be around other people who did not have the same problems as myself. Even in the midst of all these people I still felt lonely. I pulled out my phone and text my old friend from high school, Spencer.

-Hey what are you doing?- 

I have not talked to him since graduation but I did not have anyone else to turn to. Spencer decided not to take the college route and instead went to the police academy. Since he was so young and inexperienced the only job he could find was with campus security here at Stanford. We have known each other since we were both ten and in the same Sunday school class. He has had a crush on me since we first met, that was why I had not called him until now. I did not want him to think I was giving him another chance but god knows he deserves it. He's a good person and a good friend.

I watched everyone around me but it was still too much to forget about Gram. I started to cry and everyone turned to look at me. Just as I was about to run out, as I always had before, a girl took a seat across the table from me. I figured she just needed a place to sit so I turned my head to hide as I sniffled quietly to myself. Everyone was having such a good time, I didn't want to kill the mood for her or anyone else. This made me more embarrassed and I cried even harder.

"Are you okay"? I heard her voice quietly from across the table. For a moment I didn't realize that she was talking to me. When I finally turned to her, she was looking at me with empathetic eyes, holding a cup of coffee in her hand.

I stuttered a reply through the sobs, "Wha... what? Uh... yeah, I... Sorry, I'm just having a bad day".

"You don't need to be sorry, honey." The girl scooted her chair in and asked, "Did something happen?" 

I gave her a look before I replied. She took it as if I was offended and spoke before I could say anything, "I'm sorry I don't mean to pry it's just that I'm in one of your classes and I've only seen you like 3 times and you've always looked so stressed. I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay with school and everything."

I sniffled and wipe my nose while I explain, "You're fine. Something just happened right before school started. I can't seem to get past it. I have not even gone to my other classes." 

She leaned in and set her cup to the side, "Oh sweetie what happened?"

"I caught my fiancé with my best friend from high school." I don't know why I spilled the beans like this. I think I was just so alone and haven't vented to anyone about this yet. My parents look down at people for things like this and think of it as a weakness so I have not even told them what happened. I have never told my parents anything that was important to me. I have never told my sisters either, for fear of them telling my parents. The only person I have ever opened up to was Gram and I quickly learned what happens when you trust someone enough to tell them everything. 

"Oh my god," she blurted out. "That is bullshit and unacceptable. Do you want me to help you go kick his ass?"

My crying turned to a few giggles, "No, but thank you. The last thing I need right now is to see that jerk ever again. Even if it's in a pool of his own blood." I appreciated the offer though and God knows I have thought about it. I could already tell that I liked this girl.

My phone rang, letting me know I had a new text but I knew who it was and did not want to be rude to this girl so I just put my phone in my purse.

The girl nodded and smiled, "I'm Stacy." She reached out a hand to shake mine but I had been blowing my nose into a napkin so I just showed her the tissue. She winced and pulled her hand away.

"I'll shake your hand later - after I wash." I said playfully.

Stacy smiled and replied, "Deal." She twiddled her thumbs for an awkward moment and then asked, "This your first time to Lavender Bean"? Referring to the coffee shop we were currently sitting in.

I sniffled once more and nodded my head.

"It's pretty cool," She started to explain. "Everyone here is so happy and full of energy and on their own for the first time. It's exhilarating." She started bounce in her seat as she spoke.

And it was. Even while she was explaining it, I felt a rush of energy and happiness. I have not felt that in a long time.

"And every guys here is horny as hell and ready to fuck." Stacey turned to me, shocked and covering her mouth. I could tell right away that she had no problem with speaking her mind. It made me laugh and she smiled and apologized, "Sorry, I hope you're not too offended by that kind of language."

I smiled back at her and replied honestly, "Well if I had not just gone through all that crap with my fiancé, I probably would have stood up and walked away."

Stacey thought that was weird and gave me a look accordingly, "Really? Why?"

"Just how I was raised, I guess." I said, again, not knowing why I was telling this stranger so much about my life, but it was exciting. It was new and something that I had never done before. I grew up believing that others judge you solely by what they see and what you do: Church, service, prayers, etc. I tell this girl that I catch my fiancé cheating on me and instead of judgment and a long lecture about the wrong choices I made in life, I get acceptance and intrigue. She wants to know more and I want to tell her more. It feels good to tell someone about my life and not have to worry about the consequences afterwards. 

"well, not to be rude hon, but if you're going to survive in the real world ya, need to get used to people using foul language." She paused to take a sip of her coffee before continuing, "There's some filthy shit out there."

My phone rang and I ignored it once again.

"I know. I guess one good thing that came out of all this is that I learned that no matter how 'good' someone is, bad things still happen." Stacey nodded her head while I continued, "Makes me wonder what it's all for? Did I just waste the first 19 years of my life?"

"Look at you being an optimist," She said, upbeat. "Plus, it's just like you said. You learned something from all this, so no, it's not a waste."

I liked her perspective. I had been too focused on Gram for too long. Sitting by the phone, waiting for a call from him that was never going to happen. I did not even want it to happen. I needed a change but god knows I was not going to do it myself. 

Like she was reading my mind, Stacy grabbed my arm and asked in a very serious tone, "Do you want to go do something? It'll get your mind off things." 

"But I don't know you." I replied hesitantly. "Won't it be weird?" I immediately regretted what I just said. I must have sounded foolish. But not to Stacey. She is too happy-go-lucky and care free to worry about things like that. I had a lot to learn from her. 

Instead of being upset, Stacey replied with, "What? Why would that be weird?" She smiled and continued, "This is college, nobody knows anybody here." She looked into the coffee shop, and took notice of a couple kissing. The boy reached down and squeezed the girl's ass. Stacy looked back at me and continued, "Well... at least not at first."

She made a good point. I giggled and asked, "Well, what do you want to do?" 

Stacey sat back on her chair and sighed, "Well, when I get all depressed and shitty, I find a horny guy to make all my problems just disappear." 

My giggle turns into a laugh. I blush at what she said. Things like sex still made me feel uncomfortable. It made me think though. I have always looked at sex as this untouchable thing that only those privileged enough to get married were able experience. 

I thought that I had felt the same way as my family did but I have been questioning everything more and more since I had been on my own. Stacey kept talking but I tuned her out to think about other things. Like the fact that this girl is so happy even though she had sex on a regular basis, used "offensive" language, and wore tight and revealing clothes.

She had her light brown hair with blond highlights tied in a loose pony tail. She was wearing short cutoff jean shorts, a baggy low V cut T-shirt and turquois cowboy boots. She had two long chain, gold necklaces and a slew of bracelets both wrists. Her skin was tan and blemish free. You could clearly see that she was not wearing a bra but she did not seem to care. She carried herself with confidence and I could not blame her. She was gorgeous. She had a slender frame, with long, beautiful legs and larger than average breasts. I found myself wishing I was her.

Just then, Spencer walked up behind Stacey with a smile on his face. He was dressed in his campus security uniform. He greeted me with a cheerful, "Hey!"

My feelings were mixed. On the one hand I really like talking to him and he is a good friend but on the other, I really do not want him to ask me out again. 

I reach up a hand and wave, "Hey Spence. What are you doing here?"

"Just patrolling the streets for crime." He replied with a smile. "After all the kidnappings in the area, the college decided to double the security."

The news was full of stories about the highest number of kidnappings and abductions in California and giving warnings for all girls between the ages of 13 to 20. I was about to ask more about it but Stacey turned to me and asked, "Who's this?"

Spencer takes a seat between Stacey and I.

"This is Spencer. We went to high school together."

Stacey turned to him and shook his hand, "I'm Stacey."

Spencer replied, "Spencer. Nice to meet you."

Stacey gushed as she turned to me and whispered loud enough for him to hear, "He's cute."

Spencer smiled but did not react to what she said. Instead, he turned to me and asked, "I text ya back, what's up?"

"I was just having a hard time. I needed someone to talk to."

He was sympathetic, "Oh, I know. I heard. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, it... is just fine."

He saw through my lies, "Clearly, you're not just fine."

Stacey giggled and pointed to Spencer, "I like this guy."

Spencer finally paid attention to Stacey. He gave her a smile before he turned to me and asked, "So what do we need to do to cheer you up?

That was all Stacey needed to hear. While she couldn't talk me into shacking up with some stranger, Stacey and Spencer did manage to cheer me up that night. 

We all shared a quiet moment until Stacey blurted out, excited, "Bowling."

Spencer and I both gave her a look.

"What?" She shook her head. "Come on, Bowling's awesome... plus they serve alcohol so it'll be all good."

Spencer and I gave her another look. Spencer stammered, "uh I... I don't... drink." 

"Yeah, me neither" I spoke quietly.

Stacey gasped lurches from her seat to stand above us, "What are you Mormon? How can you not drink? You're in college for god sake."

"Doesn't matter anyway." Spencer pointed out, "We're only 19."

"So am I." Stacey countered. "Hasn't stopped me. Plus I know the guy that serves the beer there and he doesn't care."

"Can't he get in trouble for that?" I asked.

"Well, yeah but I'm not going to rat him out." She turned to Spencer, "And you're not going to rat him out either right? Me. Big time police-y man."

Spencer smiled, "Don't worry." 

A look of curiosity washed over Stacey and she ask both of us, "So you really have never tried it before?" 

I answer with a giggle, "Nope."

Stacey looked at Spencer and asked, "What about you? Have you ever had alcohol?"

"I don't drink." Spencer spoke cryptically.

Stacey and I smiled at each other. I leaned forward in my chair and probed, "That's not what she asked." 

Stacey asked her own question, "Yeah, have you ever had a drink?"

Spencer hesitated and averted his eyes from mine. I have known him long enough to know what that means. I gasped and call him out on it, "You have!" I take a deep breath, "When?"

Spencer looked shocked and glanced around to see who could hear or see us, as though he was a secret agent. He waved his hands at me, "No no no, you cannot tell anyone."

He was just as worried as I was about my parents finding out about other things. Stacey gave him a look of confusion as to why he would be so worried about something so trivial as drinking – trivial to her anyway.

I interrupted Spencer, "Look, don't worry. I can't tell my parents anything... or anyone else back home so I'm not going to say anything about you."

"Why not?" He asked. 

"For the same reason you're freaking out about anyone knowing you drink."

Spencer tilted his head to the side in thought and then nodded in agreement. 

"Man, you guys are like... way too worried about this. Who the hell raised you?" She took a sip of her coffee. "You guys need to lighten up... maybe a few drinks." Hint taken.

Spencer turned his car off and we all piled out in front of the Rocket Lanes bowling alley. Spencer and I hesitated to go inside but Stacey jumped up and down with enthusiasm and skipped toward the main entrance. She yells, "Come on! Happiness awaits!"

Her energy was intoxicating and I could not help but to join in the skipping. Spencer shook his head and then said, "Fuck it" as he followed suite. I glanced behind me to see Spencer skipping and waving his arms and then back in front of me to see the one who started it all. I began to laugh as I realized that I have not thought of Gram all afternoon.

At the counter Stacey got three pairs of shoes, paid for the three of us and a pitcher of beer. I tried to interject but she shewed me away with, "Nope, I got the first round, you guys go get your balls." 

Spencer snickered, "I already have mine."

I slapped him on the arm and giggle, "Gross."

We sat down at the table near our lanes. Spencer and I slipped our shoes on as Stacey walked back from the front counter. She sat a large picture in the middle of the table. I could only stare at it. Much like sex, alcohol has been an untouchable thing and anyone who does is "evil". But through my experiences at home, not being able to trust my parents with anything, and watching Stacey who does all of those "evil" things, I realized something. She is not evil. She is nice. I do not know why my parents are so quick to judge the billions of people on the planet just because they drink, or have premarital sex or most commonly, because they are not of the same religion. It seems short sighted to me as well as narrow minded. 

I did not know everything about this girl but the only thing that she had shown me, in the short time I have known her, was kindness and respect. She did not have a problem with who I am – at least not yet. 

Stacey saw me staring at the beer and sat three glasses down beside it. "It's not gonna bite you. I've never seen anyone so new the world of beer."

I gave Stacey a smirk and stuttered, "Well, no... I... I'm not new..."

She cut me off with a laugh, "Ha, you can't fool me."

I could not say anything else, I just laughed with her and slowly moved my eyes back to look at the beer.

Stacey took notice and asked, "You want some?"

All I could do was smile as I stared at the beer so Spencer replied for me as he chuckled, "Yes she wants some." He took the pitcher and poured an even amount in all three glasses.

I picked up a glass and then looked at Spencer, "You promise you're not going to tell anyone about this."

He picked up a glass and replied, "I got as much riding on this as you do." He took a sip of beer and continued, "Don't worry, I won't tell if you don't."

Stacey's impatience was growing, "Nobody's gonna tattle, Great. Just drink your goddam beer."

I put the glass to my lips and for an instance, I feel like I was betraying my family and my beliefs and that I should do "the right thing" and put the glass down but then I was struck with a thought, I had never been happy when I made "the right choice" in the past. So why should I continue to do so?

I tilted the glass towards my lips and took a big gulp. Stacey and Spencer waited to take a drink until I had my first. It was not the best tasting thing in the world but it was definitely not the worst. I took another drink and Spencer's eyes open wide. "You'd better be careful, you're new to this." He cautioned.

I nodded my head licked my top lip that was covered in thick foam. Disregarding his advice, I took four more big swallows, sat the glass down and smiled at them both with satisfaction. 




Who Is Ch. 02



I did not feel anything, like people said I should. I sat back in my chair and felt important knowing that I just defied the world by having my first beer. 

"How is it?" Stacey asked with a grin. 

I was more impressed with myself than with the beer so I told her honestly, "It's okay, but it's nothing..." Just then my belly began to warm and I felt something happening. It felt like my nerves were on fire and the feeling spread quickly from inside my stomach to my chest, legs, arms, and eventually fingers and toes. I took a deep breath and open my eyes wide. Spencer and stacey just watch with evil grins, knowing what was happening to me. They both touched their glasses together and had a drink of the sweet nectar called beer.

Stacey and I were inseparable for the next six weeks. I've never had a friend like her. I am not sure what it was but we just clicked. We did everything together: Watching movies, talking about everything, clubbing and even going to class. I was still hurting from what Gram did to me but it stopped feeling like the end of the world since Stacey entered my life. Instead of being focused on Gram, I was able to enjoy the little things in life once again. Spencer joined us every once in a while, bringing ice cream and other treats to help ease the pain.

Stacey offered to be my wing man, every day, coming up with a clever new way to present her argument for why I should go out and get some "strange" from some guy. "How will you know what it's like until you try it?", "There's no better way to relieve stress" and, my personal favorite, "Come on... it's gonna be fun!" I could not argue with any of these points but I still managed to say no every time. That is until I saw him on campus. 

From what I heard from my parents and other people back home, Gram canceled his plans to attend Stanford this year so that he didn't have to see me. After a coffee and a bite to eat in the union building, Stacey ran off to her next class and I stuck around to study and then, like a dream that I had no control over, Gram and Mattie strolled through the cafeteria holding hands. 

My body started to shake and my world was officially rocked. I quickly put my head down and tried my best not to make any movements that would attract their attention. I just watched as they walked to a nearby table and sat down with some friends. After what seemed like days, I finally collected my things and managed to walk out without them seeing me. Once I was outside, I ran as hard as I could until I collapsed on the lawn in the quad. There were hundreds of students on their way to and from class but it did not stop me from buckling over in agony and sobbing. The pain that I thought I had left behind was back and it seemed it seemed to be worse than before. 

I held back my emotions just enough to stand up and move locations but once I opened my eyes it became too much again. I cried until my stomach hurt. 

But what happened next is something that I never would have expected. The crying stopped. My mind cleared and a thought formed in my head – So what? Suddenly I remember all the advice that Stacey gave me over the last several weeks and I realized that she was correct. What did it matter that I was cheated on – twice? What did it matter that my family was constantly looking for a reason to disown me? And what would it matter if I had sex before I was married? The answer? It would not matter one little bit. The oceans would not drain, the mountains would not crumble and life, as we know it, would not end.

I pushed myself up off the grass, wiped my nose on my sleeve and began to walk confidently to the library. I enjoyed this feeling. It felt good to not worry about what people thought or to regret and blame myself for what happened with Gram or Scott or even my parents. I finally realized that it was gram at fault and not myself. It was Scott who chose to sleep with our teacher and it was my parents who chose to disown me before I had even done anything wrong. They are just been looking for a reason to kick me out – the reason, I do not know. 

Because of what happened, I skipped my next class to meet Stacey after hers. We walked to the coffee shop where I told her everything. She tried to jump in and give me advice on what to do and what to feel but I beat her to it. She just sat back and smiled as she watched me figure this out on my own. But it would not be without her help. 

When my rant was over, Stacey gave me a smirk and shook her head, impressed. 

I was confused at why she was shaking her head so I asked, "What?"

"You are not the fragile little thing I met six weeks ago."

I blushed and turned my head, "Oh, you're just teasing me".

"What? No!" She gasped. "I meant that as a good thing. You're an amazing girl and everyone who doesn't see that can just go fuck themselves."

I blushed once again, this time because I didn't know how to take a compliment. I still felt good though, about my new take on life, so I just blurted out what she had been waiting for, "I want to fuck someone!"

Stacey gasped and her jaw dropped, as did everyone else who just heard me. "Really?"

"Yeah," I replied. "What am I waiting for?" I thought to myself for a moment before continuing, "The only thing holding me back is what my family will think but I do not really care about that anymore. For the last month, I have finally been truly happy and that is only because you got me to stop thinking about Gram and my family. And that tells me that I cannot truly be happy with my past hanging on my back. I am sick and tired of feeling guilty for things that were not my fault or, when it comes to my family, something that I have not even done yet."

Before I finished speaking, Stacey was already on her phone. I leaned over the table to get a better look and asked, "What are you doing?"

Stacey smirked, as she did so well, and said, "Texting a few guys. We're gonna get you laid."

I leaned back in my chair and blushed. What have I done?



Who Is Ch. 03



So you really have never had sex before that point?

Correct.

But look at you. You're gorgeous. And you're smart and you're... you're the whole package.

So I've been told.

How could you not have had sex like a thousand times before that day?

I guess that's what happens when you get hurt. Plus, I was young and inexperienced.

Who was your first time with?

Someone Stacey set me up with.

How'd that work out?

Bad at first but good - Overall. 

Were you okay with loosing your virginity like that? I mean from what it sounds like you were pretty shy and still new to all that sex stuff.

I was not always like that. If you will remember, I was quite happy growing up - with the exception of dealing with my parents of course. Well, that and being cheated on twice. I spent the rest of that semester trying to meet some one to date but in the end it seemed more sensible to just find some one who wanted to fuck - no relationships... no ties.

Can you tell me about it?

"It"?

Loosing your virginity.

*************************

When the time came, I was so nervous that I was actually tapping my fingers against my teeth and pacing the floor of my room. Just when I was about to call it off, Stacey walked in the front door. She could see that I was nervous so she told me about what I would be missing to talk me down until I agreed to go. She was casually dressed in a black mini skirt, a maroon tank top and stilettos. I decided to go a little more formal with a black, knee length, V-neck dress with short sleeves. It was nine O'Clock when Stacey and I left for the "little get together" she planned with two boys she knew. One, she has been trying to sleep with and the other was a friend of hers that she wanted me to "meet". She said that he did not know I was a virgin but I know she told him more than she let on. 

We showed up at her friend's house which was completely packed with a party that was already in progress. We walked through the already opened door. Stacey pushed her way through the crowd but I took I a step back. 

It was more than a little intimidating. Stacey walked back and asked me, "What's wrong?"

I hesitated and looked around, "There's a lot of people. I thought it was going to be just four of us."

"It was going to be but they don't really have control over their roommates, ya know?" She took my hand and led me inside. "Come on, it's gonna be fine. We'll just find a quiet part of the house." 

What she said had calmed me down but there were too many people in the house for her promise to be kept. I walked behind her and we wound our way through the crowds of people until we finally met up with the two boys, Amos and Mitchel, in the kitchen. As uncomfortable and anxious as I was, walking through the living room, I was overcome with a rush of excitement when the all boys in the room turned their attention from the girls they were flirting, dancing and grinding with to Stacey and I. The other girls in the room were pretty but Stacey was in dressed in very little clothing and I was in formal attire, which made us stand out making it difficult for people to miss the two of us walking through the house. 

We met the boys in the kitchen and they led us to the quietest corner in the house but it was not quiet at all. I could hardly hear them over the party and soon my anxiety returned and I could take it no longer. I tried my best to be polite and excused myself from the conversation before running out.

As I was leaving the house, filled with loud music and conversation, I felt the anxiety and panic leave me in a giant rush when I crossed the threshold to the porch. I could finally breathe again.

I took a moment to gather my thoughts and then started to walk home. I did not get more than a few steps when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Mitchel. I flipped around in a panic.

"Whoa!" Mitchel removed his hand and jumped back. "I didn't mean to scare ya. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I relaxed and gave him a smile, "Oh, sorry. You... You just startled me." 

"Is everything okay?" He asked politely.

It took me a second to reply, trying to come up with an excuse. "Uh, yeah. I... just..." I finally broke and told him the truth, "It was just really loud in there and I... guess I just don't well with the whole party scene. I hope I did not offend you."

"What? Absolutely not." He took a step forward. "Do ya wanna go somewhere quieter?" 

I give him a look and stammered, "Uh... sure". I was hesitant but he seemed like a nice enough guy. "Where do you want to go?"

He held his arm out and I placed my hand on his arm. "There's a little restaurant over here that stays open late. It's never too busy. I'll buy you a treat."

I giggled and gave him a smile.

After a few hot coco's, that he Irished up with some liquor from home, and over two hours of good conversation Mitchel invited me back to his house. He promised me that it would not be as loud. It was partially the alcohol but all I could think about was Stacey's words in my mind, "Sex is amazing. There is nothing like." Just a few hours earlier, I had given up on losing my virginity on this particular night, but Mitchel was being so kind and such a gentleman that I was actually getting excited about it again. 

It took me a few moments and another Irish Coco but eventually I agreed and we made our way to his house for the second time that night. We stumbled up to his door and tried our best to enter without making a sound, though we failed miserably to do so. By this time, the entire house was silent. 

Mitchel had a little too much to drink and over reacted when we entered, "SHHHH!" He put his finger to his lips and stared daggers and me. "You don't want to wake these people, they'll... they'll eat your heart." He snickered through his teeth.

He was being silly but I liked it. I stumbled forward and crashed into him, "Come on. Let's go to your room."

The living room was filled with people passed out after too much to drink and not enough sleep to function for a normal person. Half were naked and the other half were half naked. I did not pay much attention to them, though at this point I was too focused on losing my virginity. 

When we found his room, we had an awkward moment of silence. I was having such a good time and did not want it to end. I stepped into him and kissed him on the cheek. His eyes opened wide and he gave me a big smile. I started to giggle but he silenced me with a kiss of his own, this time on the lips. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him again and again. I've been in intimate situations before but the furthest I have ever been was having Gram play with my breasts a little. I was nervous about being so new to everything but I was not really caring about that at this particular moment.

Every few seconds we took a step closer to his bed. Mitchel moved his hands from my lower back down to the top of my ass. The excitement was almost unbearable and a small moan slipped my lips. My cheeks were instantly flush with embarrassment and I pulled away. 

I stammered as I spoke, "I... I'm sorry."

He gave me a confused look, "Wha... why?" He thought for a moment and then figured it out. "Cause of the moan?"

I did not say anything, I just nodded my head. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. It felt nice - comforting.

He looked down at me and added, "You don't need to be embarrassed, it actually turns me on if you moan."

I smiled and asked, "Really."

He nodded his head and leaned in to kiss me and before I knew it, we were making out once again. His hands slid down my back again but this time did not stop until he was squeezing my ass with both hands. I moaned once again and found myself wanting something I had never wanted before. I could not tell you what it was, but I wanted it bad. 

I pressed my chest into his only to discover that my nipples were erect and more sensitive than I thought possible. It did something to my brain. My skin felt like it was on fire and I was about to explode between my thighs. I have gotten wet before but never like this. Since I knew what was happening, I did not get freaked out but I was still worried. I did not know how wet was normal. I was not going to worry my mind with this though. I was having too much fun. 

Mitchel used his fingers to slowly pull the hem of my dress up until it was resting on the top of my ass showing the black lace thong I wore to make myself feel confident. He ran his fingers under the band of my panties around my waist, sending chills throughout my body. I moaned into his mouth and Mitchel lifted my dress up just above my belly button. He ran his hands across my tummy and then down my sides and back up again till he reached my breasts. The touch of his hands on my bare skin was like a revelation. What had I been missing? 

Suddenly everything my parents and church leaders said and taught me raced through my mind. But instead of feeling guilty and caring about what anyone would think, I just wanted what Mitchel was doing to my nipples even more. It did not feel wrong and I felt no guilt. It felt good and for the first time in my life I felt "right" about making a choice that was not based on my upbringing. 

My excitement and curiosity grew, as did something beneath Mitchel's clothing. I rolled my hips into his, squeezing his cock between us. We both moaned and I began the arduous process of removing his pants. He stopped kissing me only long enough to lay me on the bed. He began kissing me again and then out of nowhere everything changed and he went from doing everything right to doing everything fast and rushing what I thought should be the parts of sex that you would want to savor and enjoy.

I lay there for a moment waiting to see what happened next while he striped himself naked in a flash. I still had all my clothes on and my dress was lifted up around my belly. I had never been this far before and I didn't know how others were having sex so I just tried to enjoy it. Though seeing him completely naked did make me giggle and a little hot. I've never seen a fully naked man before. 

Mitchel looked up at me and we gave each other a little smile. He knelt on the bed and slid his hands up my body from my thighs to my chest, exposing my bra. His hands went down again, this time all the way to my toes, taking my panties with him.

The excitement of what we were doing was still strong but once my panties were off and my crotch was completely exposed I was overcome with embarrassment. I knew what my vagina was and what it was used for but it was as though my mind was never aware that anyone else had them or had ever seen them. As though being hidden away made them, not only, mysterious and more appealing but unknown. I was in the deep end of the pool and my reflexes to pull away and hide were on the verge of kicking in as thoughts of my childhood flashed in my mind again. But I fought against it. I felt good with what I was doing so I tucked those thoughts aside and focused on the task at hand.

Mitchel lifted one of my legs high with one hand and used the other to rub down my leg until he reached my unshaven mound. Something that Stacey would have addressed to be sure, had she known. I was embarrassed but his hands touching my most private of areas felt so right I knew there was nothing to be embarrassed about. 

My body began to heat up again and I could feel myself getting wetter. My mind was racing with thoughts of what he might do next but he surprised me in one of the oddest ways. Mitchel lifted my other leg and scooted closer, his cock head touched my inner thigh and rested on my pussy. I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing so I left everything in his hands in his hands. I closed my eyes and relaxed. I was loving it so far. 

Just then something that Stacey told me popped into my head, Use a condom!

My eyes opened wide and I almost yelled, "Condom!"

Without moving, I reached down, grabbed my purse and pulled out the one she gave me. I handed it to him. He smiled and opened it with his teeth. He smirked like he was getting even more excited which made me more excited.

I laid my head down and smiled as Mitchel put the condom on. He leaned forward until he was on top of me and without any warning me, he pushed his dick all the way inside of me in one painful stroke. I gasped and almost slapped him but he was the experienced one so I bit my lip and held in the screams. Everything up to this point was fantastic and I was thoroughly enjoying myself but once he was inside me it was a different story. He pushed so far inside that it felt like I was stretching and tearing from the inside. I was about to yell stop but he pulled out a little and the pain finally stopped. Just when I thought it might be starting to feel good, he began thrusting into me over and over. I felt a lot of pressure and even more pain. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close so that he could not see my face. I bit my lip and began to tear up from the pain. 

I was not sure what I was doing wrong but if this was "sex" then count me out for the next round. The pressure kept building and the pain was getting worse. I tried my best to hold it in but it was just too much. A tear ran down my cheek and just as I was about to scream, telling him to stop, his body seized and he thrust himself into one last time and held his position. He clenched my body with his arms and grunted loudly into my ear. I was not sure what was happening but it did not last for more than 3 or 4 seconds. When it was done and his body finally relaxed he flopped onto my body and then rolled over onto the bed. 

He sighed deeply and said, "That was amazing."

I was in tears after what just happened to my insides and I was contemplating whether or not I needed to go to the hospital but I guess his happiness is all that mattered. 

Before I could say anything to him, he rolled over and said, "Nite."

What the hell just happened? Did he really just get himself off with my vagina? I'm in pain over here and he did not even buy a ticket to ride. I should have charged him. 

I sighed loudly in protest and turned to him as I asked, "What? Are you kidding me?"

He replied with silence. I place a hand on his shoulder but all he did was groan and turn further away from me. Still confused, I sat up, looked at him and shook my head in disgust. I may be new to this whole "sex" thing but I can recognize when I was being treated like shit.

I was hurt and felt used and I did not like it. I stood up and pulled my dress down. When I looked on the floor to find my panties and purse I found something much much worse. The condom that I had given him was on the floor still rolled up and in the package. All he did was tear it open so I thought that he put it on. 

Suddenly everything that Stacey had helped me with to stop worrying about family, religion and everything else, came rushing back in full force. Emotions were high and I could hardly hold back the tears. I grabbed my purse and ran for the door, leaving my panties, as well as my dignity and self-respect, behind.

I ran as fast and as far as I could but I only made it two blocks before I could move my body no further. I broke down and cried in the middle of the street. I tried to stop myself but I just could not believe that someone could do such a thing to another person. Did he not care that my life with my family would be over if I got pregnant? Did he have an STD? I assumed that he did not care about anyone but himself. 

I pulled out my phone and called Stacey but she did not answer. I left a message asking her to come pick me up and where I was. I crawled to the nearest sidewalk and begin crying again. I wasn't sure if she would be able to come but it did not matter. There was no way I could walk home right now. 

I kept checking my phone in between the sobs and sniffles but there is nothing from her. I felt alone and scared and I did not know what to do. Memories of my two previous boyfriends flooded my mind. This situation is a little different and I was not dating Mitchel but the pain was just a real and just as devastating as before.

My phone rang and I answered as fast as I could. Within five minutes, Stacey pulled up in her old car, squeaking and spewing black exhaust. As she drove me home, I told her everything on the way. She was just as upset as I was. Maybe even a little more since Mitchel was a friend she trusted him with me. She took it very personal. 

We were almost to my apartment when she started yelling and cursing his name. Stacey flipped the car around and drove straight back to Mitchel's house. I did not know what she is going to do but I did not care anymore. In fact I was hoping she would have kicked his ass.

I was hurt and angry and wanted to do the same thing but I was just too shy to confront someone in that way. When we arrived, Stacey ignored the parking on the street and drove on the sidewalk and over the lawn, parking the car right on their front steps. I gripped the center console with one hand and the door handle simultaneously with the other and I held in a scream. 

I stayed put in the car while Stacey stormed inside the house. Almost five minutes passed before Stacey finally emerged through the door. She looked angrier than when she went inside and she was holding something under one arm. She climbed in car and sat a laptop computer on my lap and put the car into gear. She did not bother backing up, instead, she drove forward, through the bushes, over the lawn and into the street.

"What is this?" I asked as calm as I could. 

"It didn't feel like it was enough to just slap him and yell so kicked him in the nuts and took his laptop... and you're going to smash it."

I was still crying but Stacey made me smile through the tears. We made it to my apartment where we smashed Mitchel's computer with a rock we found in a flowerbed. It did not change what he did to me but it did made me feel better. 

We stayed up all night talking about what happened. Stacey told me that Mitchel said he had no STD's but that I still needed to go and get a morning after pill. Which I did. She also told me that what I experienced is not what sex is supposed to be like. That did not keep me from taking a break from my promiscuous adventures though. I told Stacey that I was done with sex forever but she laughed at me, knowing it was going to be near impossible to do so. I did not believe it either but I guess I needed to say it to feel like I was in control of my life... at least a little.

According to my past when something like this happened, I put off sex and dating entirely for at least two years but since I met Stacey, everything in my life had changed. I looked at things differently, treated others around me differently and I did not let the little things bother me as much as I once did. Except for the "occasional occurrence", I have all but forgotten about the strangle hold that religion and my family have had on me my entire life. 

It only took three weeks to recover, this time, and after a clean bill of health from my doctor (and Stacey), I was back in the saddle - as Stacey so eloquently put it.



Who Is Ch. 04



...But your first time was so awful how could you even have sex again so soon?

I have always been intrigued by sex but there was something more to it for me... something physical. Something inside me kept driving me to try it again and if I went too long without trying it I would get so horny that I would have broke down anyway.

So your second time was better?

Amazingly! Yes.

What did you do after that?

In the long run or immediately?

Both.

Well, right after, I had to have more so I went home and played with myself til I came again.

And in the long run?

Stacy and I were out every weekend. We made bets on how many guys we could sleep with and who.

I noticed that you speak in the literal.

I there any other way to speak?

I... Yes, but...

But?

But... only if you're not trying to hide something. So... you really have nothing to hide?

Yes... either that or I have realized this a long time ago and I can now manipulate people into thinking I have nothing to hide simply from the way I speak.

Uh... wait... What? So are you manipulating me now?

No!

Oh... uh... okay. So have you ever had a threesome?

Oh my god yes.

Can you tell me about it?

 ***********************************************

 It was the beginning of my second year and I was actually going to class. We were still doing most of our generals so Stacey and I were able to get two of our classes together. We were inseparable. We even tried to get an apartment together but my parents were paying for everything and did not approve of me living with anyone other than the religious girls they picked out for me. I did not matter though, I was at school to learn, but not just from my teachers and there was nothing that was going to stop me.

We were determined to start it off the right way so Stacey and I decided to go to a party that we overheard a couple frat boys talking about in one of our classes. I knew why we were going to the party, I just didn't know it was going to take such a turn. 

Stacey and I were both so happy and excited to fuck some strange college guys that we skipped most the way there. We knew we were getting close because we could hear the music more than a block away. As we walked up the steps we could hear people talking and laughing. There were a few people on the lawn with red plastic cups talking and smoking pot. The front door was wide open so we just walked in. 

There was over a hundred people inside. All of them were drinking, socializing and having a good time. Stacy and I looked at each other and smiled when we noticed something. Out of the fifty or more girls there, we were the best dressed and the best looking. This was not the first time I noticed this and it felt just as good to turn heads this time as it did before. That's not too say that there weren't some hotties there. I also noticed that most young girls in college have no class, or self-respect, at least not much. They were all dressed down in the minimal clothing necessary to leave the house without going to jail. Short shorts, leggings, tank tops, spaghetti tanks and something light to cover the feet. It wouldn't have been difficult not to notice Stacy and I, the only two people in dresses and made up hair.

She nudged me with her elbow, "See? I told you – We're hot!"

Stacy is five feet five inches and weighs 115 pounds. She is athletic and it shows that she takes care of her body. Her breasts are a large B and they fit her perfectly. She has blonde hair that falls to the middle of her back. She is wearing it straight tonight. She decided to wear a form fitting tube top dress. She wanted to show off as much as possible to make sure she got laid. Clearly not a problem in this crowd.

I told her there was no way that two girls as hot as us can't get laid at a frat party. That is why I chose a fun loose fitting summer dress. The skirt hung to the middle of my thighs and was lined with lace at the bottom. I was not too athletic but I was petite which played to my favor. My hair was dark brown and came down to just above my nipples. I was wearing it crinkly that night. 

A purse or any personal items would just slow us down so we tucked two condoms each into our bras.

We stepped through the door and immediately we were noticed by everyone. Several guys came to greet us with gusto. All were smiling and checking us out. I make eye contact with just a few of them but only for a split second and then their eyes were back on my body. All that attention was flattering. I liked being the hottest one in the room and feeling sexy. Stacy seemed to be enjoying herself as well. Smiling and twirling to give everyone a look at her dress and body.

I leaned in to her and whispered, "They love us." 

Stacy smiled and replied, "I know, I can't wait much longer though. I want to fuck this one." She pointed to a blonde jock type in a polo shirt that showcased his muscular arms.

"Okay." I point to the cute brunette that is in front of me. He is tall and athletic. He looks like a basketball player. "I'll get mine, you get yours and we'll take them over to that couch away from everybody."

Agreeing on the plan, Stacy and I both point the boys we have chosen as we start to walk backward toward the couch. We extend our arms and curl our fingers, letting them know to follow us. 

They both smile and look at each other. They can't believe that we chose them. They step toward us and the other guys behind them pat them on the back and hoot to congratulate them. The boys stop at the drink table on the way to grab beer and a shot of some unknown alcohol for each of us. 

I take the shot and shake my head at the taste. It's bitter but I love what it does to me. I take a sip of beer to clear my pallet and I am back to normal. We talk on the couch for almost an hour about nothing important enough to remember. He is fun to talk to but I don't want to get to know him. I just want one thing. SEX!

After a few more drinks the alcohol starts to hit to me so I decide to hurry the conversation. I do not want to get too drunk, I want to be sober enough to enjoy this. 

"Whoa, this beer is making me tipsy." I place a hand on his leg give him a flirty smile. "Is there a place we can go that's a little quieter?"

He smiles, but it doesn't click right away. His eyes open wide and finally asks, "Ya wanna go to my room?"

"Sure!" I giggle and blush as though it was his idea.

He takes me by the hand to leads me to the stairs. Unbeknownst to us, Stacy and her boy, Chet, decided to do the same thing. The brunette, Allen, steps over to Stacy and Chet, "Hey we're gonna use the room for little while." 

Chet sits up straight, "Wait! We were just headed up there."

They pause for an awkward moment so I chime in. "Oh, you two are roommates?"

"Ya." Allen answers. "A good thing until today."

We all chuckle and Stacy offers a solution. "Well, you don't sleep in the same bed do you?" They both give her a confused look. 

She tries to lead them on to see if they can see where she is going with this. "If you have two beds then..." 

Allen figures it out first. "Wait, you're okay with that?" He looks at me. 

Instead of words I answer him with a sloppy kiss on the lips and a hand on his crotch. I moan into his mouth as I gently squeeze just enough to feel his cock twitch with excitement. I pull away and give him a smile as I look into his eyes. 

He doesn't take his eyes off of me but speaks to Chet, "Uh, yeah... fine by us." Stacey and Chet just stare at us with smirks. 

Stacy claps her hands, "Yay!" She grabs Chet's hand and pulls him off the couch. "Come, let's go."

Both Chet and Allen smile wide and lead us to their bedroom.

The house is a mess, clearly the site of a great party. Plastic cups and other bits of garbage are strewn about on the floor. In just the short amount of time we were talking on the couch, the house was transformed from people talking, drinking, and having a good time to naked, fucking and having an even better time. As we walk through the living room I take notice of all the couples in various locations doing whatever feels good to them: Sex, hand job, blow job, etc. A few others in the room, guys and girls both, are standing around watching the others have sex.

It was as though time had slowed down and I could take my time watching in wonder. In just that short amount of time I saw so many new things. I am not new to sex but, clearly, I still have a lot to learn. 

Watching all the people in the room around me is turning me on. One couple is going at it missionary style on the couch. I am already stepping way out of my comfort zone with coming to this party as well as having sex in the same room as another couple but to have sex in the middle of a crowded room? I promise myself right then and there that I would never let myself get to that point. 

I keep watching and notice that the guy is being completely too rough for me. She seems to like it though. He is thrusting into her as hard as he can. You can see it in his face, he seems angry at a task at hand. Like a mechanic straining to loosen a bolt. I worried about her for a split second but then I see that her arms and legs are wrapped around his body, pulling him into her. Wait, can she really want that? Can that actually feel good? Suddenly I stop worrying about her and feel jealous that I am not the one being pounded by him. She begins to moan and leans her head forward to her chest until her breast hit her chin from being tossed around so violently. I feel flushed and my face is warm. This is turning me on. I hate to say it but I am kind of regretting that promise I just made to myself.

She is so pretty just lying there naked taking his cock over and over again. There is something beautiful about a woman submitting to a man in sexual congress. Being a slave to his sexual desires. So primal and pure. I am nowhere near ready to try something like that myself but I really want to someday. 

I can feel my heart beating faster and my face flushing even more. It's making me wet. I squeeze my thighs together and can feel my wetness. There is another couple fucking on the floor behind the couch, doggy style. The girl's knees are on the floor and she is gripping the back of the couch with both hands. She lets out little moans and gasps for air when she can. This guy is being rough as well. He slams his cock into her (Lucky) over and over, at an incredible pace, while his hands are on her breasts. He is not massaging them though, he is gripping and squeezing them as hard as he can and pulling fiercely on her nipples.

What have I been missing out on all these years? Dating people who "care" about me and "make love" to me? and having sex with "nice guys". I want what those girls have: someone to fuck them silly and to extract as much fun and pleasure as they can from one activity. There is something carnal and almost cold hearted about it but it's hot. Two people just wanting to get their rocks off. I have only set foot in this house an hour ago and I already don't want to leave. A place where people can come just to... cum. It is intoxicating.

I turn to walk up the stairs. I can't stop thinking about what I just saw. I do not think I am ready for it yet but I kind of hope that Allen is just as rough as the guys down stairs. Stacy and Chet begin making out before they open the door and stumble into the room. Allen and I laugh at the sight and start kissing each other as we make our way to his bed. 

Allen slides his hands down my sides and takes a firm grip of my ass. His touch makes me hot and I can feel myself getting wetter – I want more. I kiss him with purpose and thrust my tongue into his mouth. He kisses me back as he pulls my dress up and my panties down. Our lips separate long enough for him to undress me. He takes my panties off as I lift each foot, one after another. 

I look over Allen's shoulder to see that Stacy and Chet are way ahead of us. They are both naked. Stacy is lying on her back and Chet is eating her out. Wow they move quick. My god she is beautiful. Her breasts are immaculate, her body's proportions are perfect and her face is phenomenal. Cute nose, smooth skin and rosy red cheeks – at least when she is in heat. 

I have never been into girls but I can definitely see the attraction. The way her cheeks flow into her neck that flows into her chest and perfect breasts that flows into her tummy, legs and mound. I can't see her pussy as Chet's mouth is covering it but I'm sure it's just as perfect as the rest of her. Her body twitches from the pleasure. With each flick of his tongue, Chet drives her further and further into passion. 

Chet is not bad looking either. He is muscular, tan and gorgeous. His arms are huge, his skin is smooth and his ass is tight and amazing. I smile when I picture him being inside me.

As Allen stands back up he lifts my dress up and over my head. I breathe heavily from my whole body being exposed. Goose bumps form on my soft skin. He takes a moment to look at me and then smiles. He pulls my body into his and kisses me. He works my bra off and tosses it on the floor and we both fall on the bed. My breasts shake as we land but are held in place between our bodies. I giggle as we hit the bed.

I reach down and unbuckle his pants as we kiss. He stands up long enough to takes his shirt and pants off and then he is back on top of me. His cock is already getting hard. Not a bad size either. As he lies on top of me I can feel it rubbing against my leg. It pulses as blood rushes into it, getting harder and harder. Oh my god I want it inside me. I think back to previous sexual encounters and how good it felt. 

I want to fuck a lot while I am in college and I don't want to mess it up by getting pregnant or an STD so I reach down to the floor and slide my bra closer. 

I grab a condom and show it to him, "Sorry, don't be mad."

He smiles wide and snatches the condom out of my hand. "Better safe than sorry." He pushes himself up and kneels above me, straddling my thighs. 

He tears open the packaged but I stop him before he pulls it out. "Wait, let me." I smile and he smiles back. I know what happens when I don't witness the guy putting it on.

I pull the condom out and sit up at the same time. My face was just inches from his cock. I hesitated for a moment, still holding the condom in my hand. I wanted that hard fleshy thing inside me more than anything but now that it is this close I need to take a moment and explore. 

I lean in and kiss it on the shaft and then take his cock head into my mouth. Oh my God, this is amazing. I take his shaft with my free hand and stroke it while I suck on the tip. A bomb explodes off in my head, I just can't take it anymore. I need this to happen to my whole body. I need his cock inside of me. 

Reluctantly, I pull my mouth off his hard self and roll the condom on. Once it is all the way down his shaft, I lay back down once again and he moves into position. 

I turn my head and see that Stacy and Chet have changed positions. He is lying on his back, holding Stacy's head with her hands. She is sucking his cock like she knows what she is doing. I watch for a moment and have to question whether I made the right choice to stop using my mouth. 

Allen uses one hand to prop himself above me and the other to slide his dick head up and down my entire slit. It brushes against my clit a few times sending shivers through my body. I squirm and rotate my hips forward. A few more times and I am ready for anything. Allen pushes his swollen crown against my opening until he slides inside of me. I grunt from the pressure but moan from delight. I have had sex several times but my cunt is still as tight as I remember. He looks me in the eyes as he slowly pushes himself further and further inside. I try to smile back but it feels too good that I have to close my eyes and lean my head back into the pillow. 

He slowly pushes into me until he fills me up entirely and then pulls out leaving just his tip is inside of me. He holds there for a moment, waiting for the right time. I breathe heavily in anticipation and then in one smooth motion, he thrusts himself all the way inside me. I gasp for air and then let out a grunt followed by whimpers. It is on the border of pain and pleasure and feels amazing. I wrap my arms around his back and dig my nails into his skin. I try not to but I let out a long steady moan. 

Chet and Stacy both look at me. Stacy smiles and then goes back to sucking Chet's dick. 

It feels so good but I want more. "Faster... harder." I grunt, still gasping for air. "Fuck me harder." I think of the two girls I saw downstairs.

Allen grits his teeth and does exactly as he is told. Faster and harder, he pumps his cock deep inside my fragile body. I try my best to stay quiet but it's no good. The small grunts and moans get longer and louder. My tits shake with every thrust but it just adds to the sensation. I pull him in closer to me until my nipples brush past his skin as they move. I'm getting close. I can feel the pressure building up inside of me. 

I can feel every inch of his length pounding into me. Over and over it pierces the most precious part of my body and I don't want it to stop. This is it. I am almost there. My entire body convulses and my cunt explodes with pleasure as well as my own natural juices. I scream with delight and to my surprise he does not stop. It compounds the feelings that I am having and the sensation builds ever stronger. I moan louder and let out a little squeal but this is no time to get embarrassed. 

Chet looks at me and then smiles at Allen but Stacy does not stop. I catch a glimpse of them out of the corner of my eye. Stacy's lips are wrapped around Chet's cock and she bobs her head up and down his length at break neck speeds. Oh my God, I want that too. I want a cock in my mouth but I don't want Allen's cock to leave my pussy. Just then, Chet's entire body seizes. His feet and toes extend and his head flies back and presses deep into the pillow behind him. Stacey grunts and gags a little but never removes or opens her mouth, catching all the fluids he can give her. Once Chet's orgasm seems to fade, Stacey pulls her mouth off of his dick. A little cum mixed with her saliva slip past her lips and fall onto his cock. She giggles and then kneels on top of him, straddling his hips with hers and smiles with her mouth closed. She slowly opens it to show him the surplus of his cum in her mouth. Chet smiles reaches a hand up to massage her tit. Stacey giggles and slowly moves her tongue forward, pushing his spunk out of her mouth. It runs down her chin, neck and chest. 

I cannot watch any longer, I close my eyes and continue to enjoy the ride. Allen knows I had reached my high point but he keeps going. He is close and wants to get off, himself. I want that too. 

The longer he goes the more intense the feeling gets. Just then he collapses on me. His body convulses and twitches as he waists his load into the condom. 

I cannot believe how good this feels. I know the condom is necessary but I with he wasn't wearing it. I want him to blow his cum inside of me. It may sound gross but there is just something about that creamy, sticky fluid coming out of his cock. I want it inside me or on my face so I can lick it up and bask in it but it's just wasted in the condom. I am so jealous of Stacey. 

I know that we both came, but I am not done yet. When Allen regains control of his body he slowly pushes his dick in and out of me. I push him off of me just enough so I can look him in the eyes. An idea hits me.

I smile and ask, "This may sound weird but... would it be horrible if I asked someone from down stairs to come and join us?"

"What? Are you not having fun?" He stops moving his body for a moment.




Who Is Ch. 04



"What? Oh my God, no!" I hold him so he can't leave. "It's amazing and I want more. That's why I want someone else up here. I want you to fuck my pussy and someone else to fuck my mouth at the same time." I smile at him for an awkward moment while he thinks about it. 

A smile grows on his face and his hips starts moving again, pumping his cock into me. An aftershock rolls through my body and I grip his arms tight.

"You're a crazy chick, you know that?"

I smile and nod.

"You want me to go find someone?"

I roll my hips up into him and wince at the feeling. "No no, I can go."

Once he pulls out of me, I stand up and walk to the door. I can feel my juices squishing between my legs as I walk. I look back and smile at the sight of him lying on his back stroking his hard cock and smiling back at me. 

I step out of the room and walk down the hall. I cannot see anyone, but instead of walking downstairs, I just yell, "Hello? I need another hot boy that wants to fuck me."

Almost immediately, three guys appeared at the bottom of the stairs below me. Two were okay but the third was just fabulous. I want him to fuck me. Why is he not with someone already?

He is a jock type, like Chet, only brunette. He has chiseled features and an ass that must have been carved by a master.

I point to him, "You! Come on." The boy smiles and starts up the stairs.

"Do you live here?" I ask as he gets closer to me.

"Ya." He looks at my legs and sees my fluids glistening in the light. He smiles and then looks up at me.

"Well, I'm fucking your roommate but we want someone to join us." I give him a flirty smile. The days of the shy Alicia are long behind me.

He hesitates for a bit and then continues up the stairs til he reaches me. He takes me in his arms and kisses me. I let him. He is so big and muscular that I feel like a rag doll in comparison.

I try to say something nice but all that comes out is my true desires. "I want you to choke me with your cock." I blush.

He stammers, "Uh, yeah I... who are you?"

I giggle and reply, "Alicia."

He smiles at me and comes up with the sweetest thing I have ever heard. "I would be honored to fuck your mouth."

I smile and kiss him again and then reach down with one hand and massage his cock through his pants. I love feelings guys as they get hard. It makes me hot. I take him by the hand and lead him to Allen's room. I shut the door behind us and then look up to find Stacy and Chet looking at me. They don't say anything, they just giggle. I don't care though, I want this to happen more than anything I can remember.

I start to undress Jake while Allen keeps stroking himself with a smile on his face. I lift Jake's shirt up and over his head. I give him a kiss on the lips and then kiss down his chest and stomach till I reach his pants. I unbuckle his belt and slowly pull his pants down, taking notice of everything. The curves of his body, the feel of his skin and the size of his cock. Not too bad. Just a little shorter than Allen's. I pull his pants the rest of the way off and just stare at his dick. 

I run my fingers up both legs until they reach his semi hard cock. I take it with both hands and stroke it. I can feel it getting harder and I look up at him with a smile. He places a hand on the back of my head and pulls me forward until I take his cock into my mouth. The feelings and sensations are amazing. I bob my head and stroke his length with my mouth. I can feel it twitch between my lips, which turns me on even more. I continue this for a while and then pull away. 

I stand up and speak softly to Jake "He's going to fuck my pussy and you are going to fuck my mouth."

Jake smiles back. "How hard do you want it?"

I give him a sexy smile, "I'll let you decide." I'm not sure if I am going to regret saying that but it is all my mind can think about. I want his cock in my mouth.

I climb on the bed and position myself on all fours. The boys look at each other with a grin and then fall into position. Jake kneels in front of me and Allen kneels behind me and I make sure that he puts a new condom on. They are both stiff and lined up for entry. 

I feel Allen grab my hips, scooting himself closer. His cock brushes my ass and tickles my entrance. I place a hand on Jake's ass and pull him in toward me, taking his length into my mouth. Allen thrusts into me at a steady pace. Jake just hold still because I am being pushed forward by Allen. I start with taking just half of Jake's length inside because of my gag reflex but it feels so good, I can't wait. I lean forward taking more and more of him in my mouth. I gag and cough but I don't care.

He pulls back, "you okay?"

I gurgle around his cock. "Yes! More!"

Jake smiles and does as he is told. He throws his hips into full swing, gagging me with each stroke of his cock. Every few seconds I have to pull away and take a breath but then I am right back on it. I can feel my tits swinging to the rhythm of the two boys. They move back and forth, now and then crashing into one another. The strain is has on my skin, as they swing, is just enough to add to the excitement. I just wish there was someone else to squeeze and pull at them. 

This is fabulous. The feeling is intense and it continues to grow every second. My body is trembling and it is everything I can do to keep from cumming. I want to cum but I also don't want this to end. 

Jake's cock is all the way down my throat so I can't turn my head but I am positioned just so I can barely see Stacy and Chet in my peripheral vision. They are not paying attention to me at all. Chet is on his back and Stacey is riding him like a cowgirl on a horse - she's getting into it. She lets out little moans mixed with the occasional grunt. Chet's arms are extended and he is vigorously massaging her tits just like the boys downstairs. 

She lifts her body on and off his cock as fast as she can. I can hear their skin slapping together. She finally reaches her climax and instead of arching her back toward his feet, her body buckles forward causing her chin to crash into her chest. I cannot tell which turns me on more, the two rock hard cocks inside me at once or my best friend cumming as she rids Chet to fruition.

Allen and Jake continue to fuck me for a few more minutes before I reach the point of just too much. My body convulses as my second orgasm rocks every part of me. I seize up in pleasure but the boys keep going. I reach my hands up and grab Jake's ass, pulling him into me and hold him, not letting him pull out. I can feel Jake twitching deep in my throat. I moan and grunt around his cock but all that comes out is a series of lengthy gurgles. 

Faster and faster, Allen thrusts his cock into me as he get closer to cumming. My body is still shaking and seizing with pleasure. Just then I can feel Allen thrust into me one last forceful time as he comes. A few seconds later I feel Jake do the same thing. 

I can't believe how magical this feels. Holding Jake inside me must have done something because he grips my head tighter and I can feel his cum hit the back of my throat. I am almost out of breath but when he tries to pull out I grip his ass pulling him deep inside, letting him finish the right way. His body buckles over and he has to prop himself up with one hand on my back. 

I am so happy that I got to feel what those girls down stairs were feeling. Allen pulls out of me and sits back against the wall. Jake leaves his dick in for just another moment and then slowly pulls out. I gasp for air as the last few spurts of cum squirt out and hit my face. 

Across the room from us, Chet kneels up and Stacy props herself up on all fours for round two. Chet holds himself at her opening and lines up for entry. Her back arches and she lets out a whimpering moan as he forces himself inside her. He starts fast and fucks her even faster.

It sounds funny but after all the pleasure and excitement that I just experienced I have to say I want more. I don't want it to stop and watching Stacy take Chet's cock is just making it worse. Jake takes a seat on the bed where he is at. I lean in and kiss him before wiping his cum off my face. Once my face is clean, I turn around and kiss Allen. I push my tongue deep inside his mouth. I use one hand to take a hold of his cock and stroke it a few times before I pull off the condom and wrap my lips around his dick head. 

Allen looks over at Jake who is currently watching me with wide eyes and gives a small smile. His body quakes with pleasure as I forcefully suck at his tip. It is swollen and sensitive. Jake takes a hand and slides it across my slit, scooping up my juices and wiping it on my ass. I shiver when he did it. It felt good. I want him to do it more but with his own. I turn my body back to Jake and kiss him before laying my head in his lap and stretching my legs over Allen's tummy.

I take jakes cock in one hand and stroke it gently. A little cum oozes out and I smile. I lay there for what seems like an hour just playing with his cock, kissing and licking it occasionally with the most perfect view of my best friend and a stranger she had just met. 

Stacy and Chet finish up with their second round. They both loose the strength to hold themselves up and fall in a big heap on the bed. I feel proud of her in a way. She looks satisfied. 

For the next half hour, the six of us talk and laugh as we cuddle on the beds. I can't take my hand off Jake's cock either. I just love the feel of it in my hands and mouth. Jake casually massages my breasts, flicking a nipple now and then. Allen lets his hands wander upward on my body: legs, ass and even my pussy. I love the touch of their skin on mine. I wish there were five more naked boys in here to touch me just the same. I want them to press their naked bodies against mine and feel the warmth of their skin.

I feel so comfortable in this place. A place that two girls can fuck three guys in the same room. Where two guys can fuck the same girl and finish off by giving themselves a high five. No judgment, just acceptance.