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To Love Again Ch. 01

By: Jennifer C



Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep.

Oh god that has to be the most horrible sound ever, the alarm clock, the only thing worse than that is a hangover and the alarm clock! I attempt to sit up but the room spins round so fast I have no choice but to lay back down. Through the thick fog that is my head I try and piece together the events of last night and how I got so drunk, when I hear another beep. Trying to stay as still as possible I fumble around my bedside table for my mobile phone which tells me I have 5 new text messages, I go to my inbox.

Message 1: Message delivered to Tom mobile.

"Oh god, tell me I didn't txt Tom last night."

Message 2: Message delivered to Tom mobile.

(Cold Sweat) 

"Bugger, bugger, bugger." 

Message 3: Well you get the picture and so the events of last night unfold in my delicate state of mind. Do you ever do that, have a few drinks, get a bit drunk and then proceed to bombard your ex with text messages? It seems like a good idea at the time until you wake up the next morning with your head banging like a drum, your mouth as dry as a sandpit and your mobile phone beeping away merrily reminding you what a tit you have made of yourself, Great!

I ease myself out of bed fighting back the urge to be sick and manage to safely stumble into my bathroom; I look in the mirror, big mistake! I look terrible, my long brown hair is tangled and messy, and my brown eyes look dull and lifeless. My usual glowing complexion is pale and tired with two nice bags under my eyes. And so begins my morning ritual of talking to myself in the mirror.

"Stephanie you have to get a grip girl, so Tom left you, so what, you have to get over it, pick yourself up, move on, you've got your whole life ahead of you, I know you loved him but it's over now and…"

And then come the tears, the pathetic heaving sobs of a woman who's had her heart broken by the man she loves and then I throw up.

So that's me, Stephanie Shaw, 24, single and an alcoholic by the looks of my living room this morning! I set about cleaning away the cause of my hangover one wine bottle at a time and swear to myself I will never drink again. After I shower, change and drink my bodyweight in coffee I start to feel a little better, I think about going through my outbox on my phone to read the messages I had sent Tom and then decide against it, I think I'd rather not know, ignorance is bliss and all. Then the phone rings, I let the machine pick up.

Hi you've reached Stephanie Shaw, I'm sorry I can't take your call right now but if you would like to leave a message I'll call you back …BEEP.

"Steph it's me Mike, I know you're there pick up the phone."

"Oh Mike thank god it's you."

"Yes it's me, best friend to the rescue, how's your head?"

"Banging, how did you know I was hungover?"

"You called me last night, you were in a right state, don't you remember?"

"Not really, sorry Mike I should put a label on my phone DO NOT USE WHEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL!"

"Don't be stupid babe; you know you can call me whenever you need to. Now slap some make-up on I'll be there to pick you up in 10 minutes."

"What? No Mike I can't go out today I feel too rough I think I'm just going to go back to bed."

"Rubbish, you're not hanging around your flat all day feeling sorry for yourself, now pull yourself together, I'm on my way."

"Fine."

Mike is great, he's my best friend in the whole world and if it wasn't for him I don't think I would get out of bed at all. I think a day out with him is just what I need, he's 25, gay and also single, also he never fails to make me smile, even if I don't want to.

"So you sent him a couple of texts when you were drunk, don't worry about it, we all do stupid things when we're upset, just forget about it Steph, forget about him, the guy was a loser anyway, you deserve better.

Bless him, sitting at an outside table of our favorite coffee shop in the sunshine Mike tries to make me feel better, don't you just love it when your best friends do that?

"Mike, I love ya and I know you're right, but I love him, I know I've got to move on and blah, blah, blah, it's just hard to forget everything we had, all the memories." 

"I know Hun and I know what you need."

"What?"

"You need a new man in your life."

"That's the last thing I need."

"Now sweetie the best way to get over one man is to get under another."

I can't help but laugh at that, I even think he may be right, god knows I haven't had sex in weeks but deep down I know a one night stand isn't going to make me feel any better, I can satisfy myself for the time being, a new man just isn't on the cards right now.

"Thanks for the coffee babe and getting me out of the house, you were right, I do feel better."

"You're welcome, anytime; you know I'm always here."

"I know, thank you Hun." 

"You sure you don't want me to run you home?"

"Nah, the walk will do me good, I'll call you later."

Walking home I stop by my local off license for a bottle (or 2) of wine telling myself I will just have a glass (or 2) tonight to help me sleep. As I'm nearing my building my mobile beeps, I look at the screen that tells me I have 1 new message, it's from Tom. I stare at the screen debating whether or not to read the damn thing when I trip over the pavement and fall flat on my face. How embarrassing, I check my carrier bag thanking god my wine bottles are still intact and hoping no one has seen me when I spot a scruffy looking man walking towards me, oh great the good Samaritan, don't you just wish people would let you hold on to your last bit of dignity and get up yourself? But oh know.

"Hey are you alright? That looked nasty, here let me help you."

"No thanks I'm fine."

"Come on, it's no trouble, I'm Paul by the way."

"Well thanks Paul but I said I'm fine."

"Ok sorry, I was just trying to help, I've just moved into your building, your Steph right, I've seen you around and…"

"Wow can you talk, listen Paul I don't want your help I didn't ask for it and I don't care where you live I just want to go back to my flat, so just leave me alone alright."

Ok so I feel a little guilty about talking to him like that but I'm just not in the mood to be pleasant right now and I've had enough of people trying to "help" me. Now what's the time? 5:00 in the afternoon, that doesn't seem too early for a glass of wine. I run a nice hot bath, put some music on and just relax for a while, the warm scented water, the soothing music and of course the wine begin to do there job and I feel more relaxed than I have in ages as my eyes begin to close.

Then I'm not alone anymore, I'm with a man and I feel loved and excited.I feel rough wet hands caressing my skin and massaging my shoulders, I slump back against his body, and it's firm and strong as he holds me against him. His wet kisses down my neck makes my body tingle and I moan softly as I feel his erection pressing into my back. His hands slide smoothly down over my breasts, my stomach and rest on my thighs. I spread my legs for him, wanting him to touch me, his fingers are getting closer and closer to my pussy and I breath his name, "Tom, oh please Tom" but then he stops, I turn myself around in the water to look at him, but it's not Tom, it's Paul and he kisses me.

Knock, Knock, Knock.

I wake up startled in the now nearly cold water and reach for my now warm wine and take a long sip.

Knock, Knock, Knock. 

Oh for gods sake who the bloody hell is that? I wrap a towel around myself and open the door.

"Hello again."

"Paul, what do you want?"

"Now that's not very neighborly of you Steph, I've come for an apology and to invite you round for dinner, looks like I picked a good time too, that look really suits you."

"What? Look Paul I don't know who you think you are but if you think you can just come round here and…"

"Steph just shut up for a second would you, you were really rude to me earlier when I tried to help you, at first I just thought you were a bitch and then I started thinking you were probably just sexually attracted to me and what with us living in the same building I didn't want there to be any sexual tension in the air so I thought I'd come round and sort out our little problem."

"Wow, you really are a smug arsehole aren't you?"

"So is that a yes?"

"What do you think?"

"Look, ok maybe I came on a bit strong I thought my ruggish charm would crack you ice cold exterior, I'm new to the building and didn't want us getting off on the wrong foot, all I'm suggesting is a friendly get to know your new neighbor meal, so how about it?"

"Ok fine, but it's just a meal, this isn't going to get you laid you know."

"The thought never crossed my mind, my place, tomorrow night say 7:00?"

"I'll be there."

"Excellent, I'm in flat 5 you can bring the wine." 

Oh great I can't believe I just agreed to that, what the hell was I thinking? Then the dream starts to come back to me, I was dreaming about Paul, worse than that I was dreaming of having sex with Paul! Ok so in the dream we weren't actually having sex but lets face it, it was definitely heading that way and then another thought struck me, the reason I met Paul in the first place, the text from Tom. I pick up my mobile and go straight to my inbox, find Toms message and click on open before I can change my mind, it reads.

Steph, I'm sorry, it's not that I don't Love you; I'm just not in love with You anymore, you have to move on, Tom x 

I have to move on? Yeah no shit Sherlock! And don't you just hate those words, it's not that I don't love you, I'm just not in love with you anymore, which we all know means "I'm shagging somebody else!" And the bastard even had the nerve to put a kiss at the end, well kiss my arse Tom. I delete the message.

I think about calling Mike and telling him everything but I'm not really in the mood, I can't stomach any food either so instead I take my wine to bed and turn on the TV hoping to find a good movie or something to take my mind off things. I settle for a bad D.I.Y program and slowly gulp my wine. I find my thoughts drifting to Paul and his ruggish good looks, ok so yeah he is extremely attractive if you like that rough manly look (I do) but that's all the more reason to stay away from him, but then again it's just a friendly dinner nothing more, oh god I'm thinking too much.

I didn't sleep very well, I kept having dreams of having sex with Tom and then just as I was about to cum and call out his name he turned into Paul who made me cum harder and scream out his name, it's all very confusing, I'm putting it down to my weird subconscious and a increasing case of sexual frustration. Which brings me to my next problem, what the heck am I going to wear tonight? I call Mike and fill him in, first on the text message from Tom.

"Oh what a complete wanker, you're well shot of him."

"Yeah thanks babe I know but that's not really why I'm calling."

I fill him in on the Paul situation and he's so excited he drives straight round and starts pulling clothing from my wardrobe and holding them up against me.

"Mike this isn't a date you know, it's just a meal, I don't even know the guy and you can put that mini skirt back I'm not going out on the pull."

"There's nothing wrong with looking your best, so tell me is he good looking?"

(Heck yes!)

"He's ok I guess."

"Then go for it, a girl has her needs." 

"Yeah thanks babe, I know all about my needs and right now I just need a suitable outfit for a meal with a guy, who I don't really know and which isn't a date."

We settle on a smart pair of black trousers and black v neck top which reveals just a hint of cleavage. We spend the rest of the day slagging off Tom and talking about Paul, we get through a bottle of wine (Dutch courage) and I change into my outfit it's almost 7:00.

"Hun, you look stunning."

"You're too kind."

"Stop it, you know you're gorgeous, now forget about Tom and go and have your lovely non-date with Paul and call me tomorrow I want all the details."

Mike lets himself out and I prepare myself to knock on Paul's door, but first a mirror check, I do the usual women thing, does my arse look big in this? Am I wearing too much make-up? Am I making a complete mistake? And so on, but it's too late now, its 7:05 and I'm knocking on Paul's door with one hand and holding the wine in the other.

"Steph, come in, you look lovely, I half expected you not to turn up."

"Well I thought about it then realized you knew where I lived so here I am."

"I'm pleased you came, dinners almost ready would you like some wine?

(Oh yes please, just give me the bottle!)

"Err yeah, just a small glass."

He smiles at me and heads into the kitchen, the room is filled with delicious aromas and my first thought was wow a man who can cook, followed by wow what a gorgeous smile. His flat is rather neat and tidy but I think he had cleaned especially for my visit judging by the stacks of books and videos in the corner he's not particularly organized and tidy, plus there's a faint smell of furniture polish in the air, then I remember that he has just moved in and mentally kick myself for making snap judgments. I feel awkward uneasily loitering in his living room so I go into the kitchen where he hands me my glass of wine and again flashes me that sexy smile.

"Can I give you a hand with anything?" 

He smiles again, a hint of mischief in his eyes but politely replies

"No, everything is under control, why don't you sit down."

He gestures towards the table which I have only just noticed is beautifully laid out, not romantically so or anything just tastefully, he's obviously gone to a lot of trouble without wanting to look like he had gone to a lot of trouble, or am I just reading into things here? Anyway I sit down and he dishes up a tasty meal of creamy chicken and vegetables.

We eat and drink and chat comfortably about the usual things, where are you from? What do you do for a living? Etc. He tells me he's always lived in London (same as me) and he used to share a flat with a friend who has just got engaged and wants to move his fiancée in so he moved here a few weeks ago. He's a photographer and artist (I like that), 26, never married and no children. I tell him I own by own little bookshop but leave out that I haven't opened it up hardly at all since Tom left.

It's all very relaxed and pleasant as we sit and drink our coffee, I feel at ease as the conversation still flows freely, I don't tell him about Tom, well not really I just say that I had recently came out of a serious relationship and he seems to sense I don't want to talk about it and doesn't press me for details, which I appreciate. After coffee we take some more wine and retreat to his very comfy leather sofa, and I have to say I am starting to feel the effects of the alcohol, not drunk or anything, just cozy and relaxed. I keep thinking it is really time for me to be going but every time I try to leave I end up staying.

"I've had a lovely night Steph, thank you for coming; it's nice to have a friend in the building."

"Your welcome and I am sorry for how I spoke to you yesterday, I was just having a really bad day and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"Forget about it, and whoever he is he's an idiot Steph."

"Excuse me?"

"Your bad day, I'm guessing it was something to do with your ex you mentioned, the guy is stupid if he let you go."

He reached out and stroked my cheek, I wanted to cry but instead I got angry, stood up and made my way to leave.

"You don't know anything about me or my previous relationship, how dare you make assumptions about me."

"Steph, please don't leave, I didn't mean to upset you, I just think you're a wonderful person I've loved spending time with you tonight and I admit I'm attracted to you but please don't go I just want to get to know you better."

I turn to open the door but he stops me and stands so close he's pressed against me and I'm pressed against the door, neither of us speaks we just stare at each other, I know I should just leave but something in his eyes stops me and all my emotions rise to the surface, hurt, anger, pain, frustration, so I kiss him, slow at first but as he returns my kiss it becomes more urgent, almost aggressive.

His hands cup my face and press my lips harder against his, our tongues find each other and swirl and dance in our mouths as the kiss intensifies further. I reach my hands up under his shirt, his back is strong and firm and I feel safe, I feel wanted as I break our kiss to pull it off over his head, ruffling his hair. He immediately returns back to our kiss, it's hungry and desperate and I feel on fire from the heat we're generating, his hands move down to my legs and slips over my arse and under my thighs as he lifts me of the floor, I wrap my legs tightly around his waist and we're still kissing feverishly as he carries me off to his bedroom.

We fall on to his large double bed and his hands start tearing at my clothes, he whips of my top and kisses my neck, my chest, his hands fiddle with my bra as he fights to get access to my breasts. My bra falls on the bed and he takes my nipple in his mouth, his tongue is hot and wet as it circles and sucks and thrills me. 

I'm shaking in pleasure as he moves to my other nipple, nibbling and kissing it as my hands fumble to undo his jeans. I use my feet to push them down, he's wearing no underwear and his erection springs free, long and stiff and my body aches to have it inside me. 

He pulls down my trousers and throws them to the floor, he lifts me to a sitting position and I wrap my legs around him once more. The thin fabric of my thong is wet as we grind against each other; His hard cock rubbing against my clit makes me moan for more, his mouth returns to my breasts and I feel so alive and exhilarated. Then I feel his hand moving down to my crotch and I give a heavy sigh of anticipation as I feel him move my thong to one side and his fingers work their way inside of me.

I lift myself up, then back down, riding his hand as his fingers probe my wet pussy, I know I can't take much more as I feel them glorious sensations cursing through my body, I pick up speed, riding and grinding myself against his hand, his fingers going deeper and deeper inside, sliding in and out and then it hits me, my first orgasm in weeks takes hold of my body and I cry out as my pussy contracts around his fingers making me cum.

Paul kisses me through my powerful orgasm, licking my lips and kneading my breasts as my body recovers, this man is driving me crazy with lust and satisfaction, a man I barely know, a fact that doesn't seem to matter much at this time as I lay myself down on him and kiss his lips, his neck, his chest. His arms are so strong as he wraps them around me holding me tight. 

I kiss him all over working down his stomach, stopping at his cock. I run my tongue up along his shaft and then kiss my way back down, he moans loudly as I continue to repeat the motion. I gently kiss around the head, licking his pre cum, tasting him for the first time, I lower my mouth down on to his cock and suck him tenderly, working him in inch by inch.

His cock is wet from my saliva allowing my mouth to glide down with ease, sucking him up and down, I effortlessly take him into my throat so I have his whole cock completely in my mouth and slowly slither it in and out, not wanting him to cum just yet. He's groaning vociferously needing that relief but not wanting it to cum yet either as he lifts me up from his cock and rolls me over on the bed.

I can feel his hard cock between my legs and desperately want to feel it inside me, my pussy is hot and wet and ready for him to fuck me. He looks me in the eye for a brief second and I can see that he's silently asking me if it's ok, I answer by grabbing his cock and positioning it at my entrance, he smiles at me and thrusts forward, his cock filling me. 


To Love Again Ch. 01



I moan nosily as he plunges into me, working his cock in and out and the sensations are incredible. I grab his arse firmly and help to pull him inside me, thrusting my pelvis up to meet him and crying out every time he drives his cock inside me. We roll over together and I am now on top, riding his cock and watching the expressions of joy on his face every time I bring myself down and grind my pussy onto him.

His hands reach up to play with my nipples as I continue to fuck him, we're both moaning and breathing heavily as we please each other, I know I'm on the verge of another orgasm and by the look on Paul's face so is he. I take hold of his hands and bring him back up into the sitting position; he holds me tight and kisses me hard as we rhythmically rock ourselves back and forth against one another. 

My nails scratch his back as my orgasm builds and he pulls me harder to him, deeper inside, the pressure rises and I feel him tense and he groans as he shoots inside of me which tips me over the edge as I scream in delight and fulfillment and cum again.

We stay like that for a while, just holding each other and kissing softly as he strokes my hair. We lay down together satisfied and tired, not speaking, just holding each other and I can feel my eyes starting to close, the wine and the sex taking there toll as I fall asleep in his arms.

I wake up early the next morning still lying in Paul's arms, and in the cold light of day I realize what I have done and begin to panic. I gently and quietly remove myself from Paul and get dressed as quickly as I can without waking him and sneak out of his flat and back to mine where I collapse on the couch and cry.

I sit there hugging my knees and going over what had happened, what I had let happen, what I had actually initiated and I cry harder. How could I do that? I had just gone to bed with a man I hardly knew, I didn't even use protection, ok I am on the pill but that doesn't protect against everything does it. Plus I still love and miss Tom terribly, my head is a mess and my heart is in pain, I cry until my tears run dry and then take a shower to try and wash away my shame.

After my shower I call Mike.

"Hey babe I've been waiting for you to call so, how did it go?"

"Yeah um, you know it was um fine it was just dinner and um we talked and…"

"Oh my god you slept with him didn't you?"

"What? No!"

"Steph come on I know you too well, you did didn't you?"

And again I start to cry, I cannot lie to Mike, he does know me too well.

"Steph, hey come on don't cry you didn't do anything wrong."

"But I barely know him and I still love Tom and it was wrong and I'm such an idiot."

"You're not an idiot and for the last time forget about Tom. So was it good?"

"What?"

"Oh come on Steph tell me was he good, was he better than Tom, Did you enjoy it?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah of course it matters, did you enjoy it?"

"Yes I enjoyed it, it was fantastic, mind blowing, earthmoving, is that what you want to hear?"

"If it's the truth then yeah."

"Yeah ok it was good but nothing's going to happen with Paul I'm not ready for another relationship."

"How do you know that if you don't give it a go, how did you leave things with him this morning?"

"Err, I, um…"

"Oh my god you bolted didn't you, did you even speak to him before you left?"

"Well what was I supposed to say? Morning stranger thanks for the shag."

"Oh he's hardly a complete stranger and you can't avoid him you know he lives in your building!"

"Yes I do know that and I will talk to him, just not yet ok."

"Ok but just stop beating yourself up about it."

"I will but I've got to go now, I'll call you later."

"Ok babe, just look after yourself alright."

"I will bye."

It's Sunday afternoon, the worst day off the week. I hate Sundays since Tom left, it used to be our favorite day together and we would spend all day in bed, or go for long walks and have lunch in a little café some where, we were happy. But he's gone now and I know that. I have to get out of the house so I grab my bag and open the door, just as Paul is about to knock on it.

"Can I come in?"

"Actually I was just on my way out."

"Well I think we need to talk."

And with that he walks straight into my flat, which is a complete mess by the way and stands in the middle of the room with a well explain yourself look on his face.

"You didn't say goodbye this morning, you just left, why?"

"Look Paul, about last night I'd had too much wine and I don't know what came over me."

"Don't tell me it was a mistake Steph."

"It was a mistake, we hardly know each other, I'm just not ready for this, I'm sorry I should never of gone to bed with you, I don't make a habit of sleeping with people I don't know."

"What and you think I do? You're not the only person to ever get hurt you know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you can't let a past relationship stand in the way of a new one, you went to bed with me last night because you wanted to, because there is this connection between us, there's chemistry, I felt that last night and I know you did too."

"Paul I think you're reading too much in to this, it was just sex that's all and it shouldn't have happened."

"That's crap and you know it, how can you say that it was just sex Steph, I was there remember and you know that it was so much more than that, you're lying to me and you're lying to yourself."

"I'm sorry Paul but I'd like you to leave now please."

He walks up to me and looks me in the face, I cannot meet his gaze, he strokes my cheek which shoots waves of pleasure down to my crotch as I remember him being inside me last night. He kisses my cheek and walks out the door. Again I cry, I cry because I know he's right, I did feel it too.

I do go out, I need to clear my head so I go for a walk, I'm not sure where I just kind of shuffle along not paying attention. I reach a little coffee shop and go in, as I walk up to the counter I hear a girl giggling on one of the sofas, I turn to the sound and see a couple kissing and cuddling, I'm about to turn away from the nauseating sight when I realize I recognize the man, yep you guessed it it's Tom. I spot him just as he looks up and sees me, I hurry out of the shop feeling sick to the stomach, I don't know whether to cry or applaud myself for being right, I knew there had to be somebody else even though he denied it which now shows me he's a coward as well as a wanker.

I walk back home in a daze not really knowing what to do, my mobile beeps 1 new message, it's from Tom.

I'm sorry Steph, I should Have told you, I hope You're alright, Tom x

I delete the message and don't bother to reply, to be honest at the moment I don't really care who he's shagging I'm too numb and too tired to care about anything. I go back to my flat and pour myself a glass of wine and mull over the last 24 hours, sleeping with Paul, seeing Tom with someone else, hurting Paul, did I hurt him? Then I think how I would feel if I slept with someone I really liked and woke up to find them gone in the morning only to have them say it was a mistake, I would think he was a user, is that what I am, did I use Paul?

I had just had a one night stand, got what I wanted and then said see ya later. Now I feel truly terrible, my emotional state of mind and personal traumas doesn't give me the excuse to hurt someone else and as much as I like him, and I do like him I feel like I've used him, I have to talk to Paul, apologize to him, but a part of me is scared to see him again, will the chemistry still be there?

I take a deep breath and go to Paul's flat; before I can talk myself out of it I knock on his door and wait. He opens it and says nothing, he just looks at me and walks away leaving the door open, so I go in and immediately I'm having flash backs of last night, of him kissing me and touching me and I have to fight like hell to push those thoughts out of my head and get on with why I'm here, to apologize.

"Paul, I'm sorry for what happened I have no excuses for you, what I did and how I treated you this morning was really shitty and for that I apologize."

"Was that it?"

"Paul, please don't be angry with me, I'm not myself right now, I can't do anything about that or what I've done except apologize."

"Stop hiding behind your pain and admit that there's something between us, I want you Steph and I think you want me too, that's why you're here, because you can't stop thinking about last night, you're just scared to admit it."

"No Paul, I just came to say sorry that's all."

"I don't believe you, look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing for me."

He walks right up to me and looks into my eyes; I return his stare and try to talk.

"Tell me; tell me you feel nothing for me Steph."

"I, I um, I."

"You can't do it can you?"

He kisses my cheek.

"Are you thinking about last night?"

He kisses my other cheek.

"Do you want me Steph, do you want me how you had me last night when you fucked me?"

He kisses my mouth, I'm paralyzed, his hand goes under my skirt and rubs at my pussy, still I say nothing, and his hand slips inside my thong and rubs my wet slit.

"You're wet Steph, am I turning you on, do you want me Steph, do you?"

He continues to rub my pussy and I can't stop him, I don't want to stop him, but I can't tell him that I want him either so I just stand there moaning as he strokes me.

He leans forwards and whispers in my ear.

"If you tell me to stop I will."

And with that he pushes two fingers deep inside me and fucks me with his hand, I am too weak to fight it as he kisses me, I kiss him back hard and he pulls me down on the couch, he rips of my underwear and plunges his cock inside of me, fucking me hard. He fucks me with a force, driving his cock in deep like he's trying to punish and please me at the same time, but I have to say that I love it and I want it. We're both grunting like animals and already I want to cum, I need to cum but he slows down, torturing me.

"Tell me you want me Steph."

"Please, oh please."

He slows down even more.

"Tell me Steph."

"I want you." I scream.

He picks up the pace again and fucks me with a passion, we're both screaming and panting hard as we reach our peak and I scream out in orgasm as he cums inside of me. He kisses me again, softer this time, taking his time, I return the slow soft kiss and give into the fact that even though I still love Tom I do have feelings for this man even though it is probably just lust at this time.

We spend the next few weeks getting to know each other better, we talk a lot finding out everything we can about one another, about our families, friends our lives, I even tell him all about Tom and he listens and hugs me and tells me he will never hurt me like that, he even gets on great with Mike. So I guess you can say we our now officially a couple and even though I still have feelings for Tom I'm thinking about him less and less and haven't had contact with him since the coffee shop incident, dare I say that things are actually going really well for me at the moment I'm even going to open up the bookshop soon, I finally feel ready to go back to work.

"Morning gorgeous, I've brought you some breakfast; you've got a big day today opening the shop, I'm so proud of you Steph."

Paul walks into my bedroom wearing nothing but a little apron carrying a tray of eggs and bacon, a fresh pot of coffee and a flower between his teeth, I smile, this morning I am happier than I have been in a long while.

"You're too good to me, put the tray down and come here."

He smiles that sexy smile of his, takes of the apron and jumps into bed beside me and covers me in kisses. I slide my hand down under the sheet and wrap it around his already hard cock.

"Stephanie Shaw you're going to be late and on your first day back."

"I'm the boss, I'm allowed to be late but I promise to give myself a written warning as soon as I get in."

He laughs and kisses me some more as I continue to stroke his cock, running my hand up and down his shaft making him moan in my mouth as he kisses me, massaging my breast at the same time. He rolls on top of me kissing my neck and nibbling on my ear, working his way down to my breasts, flicking his tongue over my nipples and sucking them into his mouth. He kisses down my stomach to my inner thighs, licking them up to my pussy and down again, teasing me.

When I finally feel his tongue on my pussy lips I moan, this is a man who knows what to do with his tongue. He runs it around the outside of my lips first making me tingle with excitement, gently sucking them into his mouth before he lets his tongue slip inside me, inserting it deep within my folds, licking every inch of me. When he eventually draws out his tongue he kisses me ever so lightly on my clit, just letting his lips graze it for a second, then darting out his tongue to lap at it. 

I'm wet beyond belief as he keeps this up and I'm moaning uncontrollably as he builds me up to my orgasm, plummeting his fingers back deep inside of me and sucking my clit at the same time. I'm writhing around and bucking my hips to meet his fingers as I feel my orgasms welcome arrival and I cry out in pure perpetual pleasure as I cum.

Before my orgasm can leave my body Paul drives his cock inside me and starts thrusting, fueling my orgasm and keeping it going and going and all I can do is moan and scream as the power of it rocks my body to new heights, making me cum again and again. But still he has not finished with me yet, he lifts my legs and places them on his shoulders lifting my arse of the bed so he can fill me deeper and he does. 

His cock sinks into me further keeping my orgasm going and making me scream louder, he's pumping in and out of me harder as his orgasm rises and he screams my name as he cums in me and then I scream his as I cum for the final time that morning.

I go to work with a smile on my face and an aching in my crotch and it's great to be back at work again, I've missed this place. I pick up the stack of mail that's accumulated since my absence and dump it on the counter when the phone rings.

"Hello Stephanie's books."

"Hi Hun it's me just ringing to wish you good luck on your first day back."

"Aaawww thanks Mike; it's so great to be back."

"You sound happy; things are going well with Paul I take it?"

"Very well, he's cooking me dinner tonight to celebrate my first day back at work."

"And how's the sex, still great?"

"Mike!"

"Oh come on I'm not getting any at the moment so you can at least tell me how yours is."

"Well put it this way, I was late for work this morning."

"I'm glad it's going so well, you'll be moving in together before long."

"Blimey calm down, we've only been together a couple of months."

"Do you love him?"

"What?"

"Do you love him?"

Just then the bell above the door rings, I turn to look at the customer and see Tom standing there staring at me with an uneasy smile on his face.

"Mike I have to go, I've um got a customer."

I put the phone down and stand there in shock I don't know what to say, I don't know what he's doing here, I know the logical thing to do would be to ask him, but I seem to have lost the power of speech right now.

"Hi Steph, how are you?"

"I, um, I'm, what the hell are you doing here Tom?"

"I wanted to see you, you look great."

"What do you want Tom?"

"I want you back Steph, I've missed you, and it's over between me and Danielle."

"So that was her name was it, the woman you left me for, the reason you ended our 4 year relationship and now she's dumped you you think you can come running back to me and I'll welcome you with open arms, is that it?"

"I ended it with her Steph, I swear, I missed you and I want to give it another go, please just give me another chance."

"You too late Tom, I'm seeing somebody else."

"Is it serious?"

"I don't really think that's any of your business."

"Do you love him?"

Oh for gods sake why does everyone keep asking me that today and how dare he just come in here and start shooting questions at me, I thought he was out of my life for good, I'd gotten over him, hadn't I?

"What right do you have to ask me that, you were the one who left remember, you broke my heart I begged you not to go and you just left without a second thought for me or what we had and now you realize the grass isn't so green on the other side you want me to give you a second chance?"

"I still love you Steph."

"Fuck off."

"Do you still love me?"

"Get out of my shop."

"You haven't answered my question; do you still love me Steph?"

"I'm with someone else now Tom."

"That's not what I asked you."

"Just go please Tom."

"Ok I'll go but take this."

"What is it?"

"It's my new address."

"I don't want it."

"I won't leave until you take it."

I take the piece of paper and stuff it in my bag.

"Now go."

He opens the door to leave and turns to look at me.

"I do love you Steph."

"Goodbye Tom."

And then he leaves the shop shattering my happiness and leaving me more confused than ever, do I still love Tom? Have I fallen in love with Paul? I don't know, I just don't know.



To Love Again Ch. 02



Tom's Visit has completely thrown me, I'm more mixed up than ever and I don't know what to do. I run to the door, lock it and turn the sign to closed, well that was a great first day, I've only been open half an hour and already I've closed the shop and now I'm cowering behind the counter going over and over what Tom said. I want to call Mike but I already know what he will say, he hates Tom for the way he's hurt me and thinks Paul's the best thing since chocolate flavored condoms.

The phone rings but I don't answer it, I can't face talking to anybody right now and I need to think so I leave the shop and go for a walk and as if I didn't feel bad enough already I now feel like a failure, I couldn't even manage one whole day in my own shop. I find a bench and sit down, I have to work things through, Paul's cooking me dinner tonight and I don't want him to see me like this, none of this is his fault, it's mine for jumping into another relationship so soon and now I have to work out how I feel about him and what to do about Tom, I just don't know where to start.

Ok so the thinking didn't go great, I just kept swirling everything around in my head to the point where I actually felt dizzy, how can I work out how I feel about Paul when I don't even know how he feels about me and I just can't process the whole Tom thing right now so here is my plan, denial! Forget what happened today and carry on as normal (Well as normal as an emotional washed up wreck can be.) I'm now on my way home to Paul.

As I go to put my key in the lock I can already smell something delicious coming from the kitchen and soft music playing in the background. Did I mention we had given each other a key to our apartments, no? Well it just seemed to make sense it doesn't really mean anything. I walk inside and Paul's standing there holding out a beautiful bouquet of flowers and giving me that famous sexy smile of his and then everything becomes so clear to me, I am home.

"Hello gorgeous how was your first day?"

He kisses me softly on the mouth while my mind quickly thinks how to answer him, tell him the truth and face a big serious discussion or lie through my teeth and hope it will all just go away?

"It went really well thanks, it was great to be back and I was so busy."

"Oh well that explains it then."

"Err, explains what?"

"Well I tried calling you at the shop, but you didn't answer, you must have been busy with a costumer."

Oh god I feel terrible!

"Yeah I was rushed off my feet."

"Well come and sit down, there's wine at the table and dinner's almost ready, you just relax."

Dinner was great, Paul really is an amazing cook and a wonderful person, he wants to take care of me and be with me and even though I'm still not sure how I feel about him I know I am not ready for this to end and I am happy with the way things are going, slow, steady and relaxed.

"That was lovely thank you and the flowers are beautiful, you didn't have to go to so much effort."

"Yes I did Steph because you're stunning and wonderful and I'm so proud of you."

He kisses me slowly on the mouth and lightly cups my face with his hands, he's so gentle and loving I can't help but to melt into him as I part my lips a little to let his tongue slip inside and caress mine. His hand runs through my hair and down my back to find my zip, he pulls it down and my dress slips from my shoulders revealing my breasts. My nipples are already hard as he plants kisses all around them before gently sucking them into his mouth one at a time, lightly nibbling and flicking his tongue over them.

I begin to undo his shirt one button at a time and his strong, well defined chest comes into view as I run my hands along his muscular frame. His hands go firmly around my waist and pull me onto his lap, I can feel his erection pressing against my thigh as he picks me up and I wrap my arms around his neck as he carries me off to the bedroom.

He lays me down on the bed and lowers himself on top of me kissing my neck and throat while he tenderly plays with my nipples. I stroke my hands down his back then bring them round to fondle his cock through his jeans. He moans into my skin as I slip my hand inside to rub his hardness and he presses himself tightly against my hand. I remove his jeans setting his erection free and my hand sashays up and down his cock using his pre-cum as lubrication.

My fingers move smoothly along his shaft, slowly sliding back and forth and up over the head making him whimper into my mouth as he kisses me softly and licks my lips. His hands roam down my body to my lace covered pussy and rubs me through the flimsy material making me quiver at the smoldering friction. I feel his fingers hook the inside of my thong and tenderly pull them down my legs and drop them onto the floor. 

He kisses his way up my left leg and then down my right, his lips barely touching my skin and I shiver in expectation. His lips eventually reach my pussy which is now soaked in excitement as he begins to run his tongue lightly around my outer lips, sucking them into his mouth before letting his tongue penetrate me. I'm close to cumming as he explores my pussy with his tongue and then my orgasm hits me hard as he uses his thumb to massage my clit causing me to cum in his mouth.

He positions his throbbing cock at my entrance and slowly pushes himself inside me and we moan together as he starts drawing in and out, taking his time, enjoying the moment as I writhe around beneath him, closing my eyes, the pleasure almost overwhelming. His hands are stroking my hair and face as his cock keeps up the slow and sensual pace and when I open my eyes he is staring straight at me looking into my eyes as he pleasures me. 

Which is when I realize what he is doing, this is not are usual crazed and frenzied sex, he is not fucking me, he's making love to me for the first time, with everything going on in my head I hadn't even noticed until I saw that look in his eyes, this is undoubtedly lovemaking and I close my eyes while this thought swims about in my head, does he love me?

He doesn't seem to notice my sudden realization and continues to make love to me and even through my confusion I do not want him to stop, I am too far gone and need my release. His pace quickens slightly as his orgasm approaches and I can feel mine beginning to simmer and spread through my body. He holds me tight and kisses me firmly as we cum together.

Slowly he withdraws his cock from inside me and rolls onto his side still gazing at me with that look and as he strokes my face lovingly and the moment I had been dreading finally arrives.

"I love you Stephanie."

"I know." 

Is all I can manage to say before I roll over away from him with tears in my eyes and turn off the lamp letting him know that this conversation is over.

When I wake in the morning Paul has already gone and I feel sick at how I reacted to his words, he had told me he loved me and I really wanted to say it back but something was standing in my way and I think that something was Tom. I had already decided that it was Paul I wanted to be with and yes I think I am falling in love with him but there is still apart of me that belongs to Tom and I need to get that back, I need to see Tom one last time and make sure that it is truly over between us before I can commit myself to Paul.

With that decision made I take a deep breath and reach for my mobile, I punch in Tom's number and wait for him to answer.

"Hello."

"Tom, it's me."

"Stephanie?"

"Yeah, sorry did I wake you?"

"Yeah but I'm so glad you called, I was hoping you would I've missed you so much."

"Look we need to talk, can I come round today?"

"Of course you can, you know I want to be with you again."

"Tom I just want to talk ok, nothing else."

"Yeah that's fine, what time?"

"I'll be there in half an hour."

"Ok great I'll see you soon."

"Bye."

Oh god please tell me I'm doing the right thing by going round there, I just can't think of any other way of sorting this out, Tom still has my heart and I want to get it back. This isn't going to go smoothly I know that but I have to do this. I shower and change as quickly as I can and go to my bag for Tom's address, it's not far. I don't bother with my hair I just leave it wet and put on very little make-up before I leave my flat and make my way to Tom's.

As I approach his door I remember why I'm here, because I want a life with Paul and I want to put all the hurt and pain from Tom behind me, this gives me the strength I need to knock on his door.

"Steph hi come in, sorry I haven't had much time to clear up."

"Yeah no kidding this place is a tip."

"I guess I just can't cope without you."

"Bollocks, you're just a lazy bastard."

"I miss you Steph, I love you I've always loved you."

"Ok you can stop all that hearts and flowers crap because that doesn't work on me anymore; I'm here to tell you that I don't want you back I'm with Paul now and he's the one I want so don't come to my shop anymore, don't call me, basically just leave me the hell alone."

"That's what you came here to say?"

"Yes."

"Well if that was all then why not just call me, why come round to my flat hey? We both know this relationship isn't over and I know you still love me and that's why you're here Steph."

"No that's not it, I just wanted to say this in person that's all and this relationship is over, it was over the second you jumped into bed with someone else."

"I made a mistake Steph, that's all and I'm sorry but it's over now."

"That's all? I'm sorry? Is that the best you can do? You end our relationship for that stupid bimbo you picked up from Sluts R Us and I'm supposed to forgive and forget because you're sorry?"

"Why are you still so angry, if you don't have feelings for me anymore then you wouldn't care about that anymore, you're still angry because it still hurts you and the reason it still hurts you is because you still love me."

"No I don't Tom."

"I don't believe you Steph."

"I don't care what you believe it's the truth, I'm in love with Tom."

"What did you just say?"

"I said I'm in love with Paul now."

"No you didn't you said Tom, you said I'm in love with Tom, you said my name Steph."

"No, no I didn't, I said Paul, I meant Paul."

Oh crap this isn't going how I planned it, leave, leave now you've said your piece now get out go home to Paul and tell him you love him.

"Steph, your not sure about Paul are you? That's why you've come here to see if there is still anything between us and there is isn't there?"

"No, I'm leaving now Tom and please don't try and contact me again."

"No Steph I'm not letting you leave like this."

"Get your hands of me."

He pushes me against the wall and I struggle to get away but he is stronger than me and he holds me there, I manage to get a hand free and slap him hard across the face but my effort goes unrewarded and he restrains both my hands up high against my head, holding both my wrists in his hand. His mouth crashes against mine and I fight hard not to return the kiss but as his hand travels down my body and I think of all the times we had together I surrender to his kiss and open my mouth to let his tongue find mine.

The kiss is hard and powerful and his hand goes straight between my legs to my sopping wet pussy and rubs me aggressively.

"Oh fuck I've missed you Steph."

His words snap me out of whatever stupid trance I must have been in and all I can think of is Paul, oh shit what have I done?

"Tom stop it, let me go, stop."

"Steph what's wrong? I thought this was what you wanted."

"Well it isn't and I have just successfully achieved what I came here for, to make up my mind once and for all and to get my heart back and you have just helped me do that. You see my heart doesn't belong to you anymore Tom so I'm taking it back, there's someone else I want to give it to."

I leave his apartment feeling stronger than when I arrived and determined to make ago of it with Paul but there's just one problem, I did kiss Tom and I don't won't to have to lie to Paul but he won't understand oh god I'm getting a headache, whoever said love hurts really knows his shit.

I arrive back at my flat and pour myself a large glass of wine and do what I always do when I feel like I'm cracking up, I call Mike.

"Hello."

"Hey babe I need your help."

"Oh god what's happened."

I tell him about Tom coming to the shop yesterday and his response was just what I expected it to be.

"What? That arsehole, so he cheats on you, breaks your heart, leaves you devastated then comes back into your life wanting you back just as you've finally found happiness again with Paul?"

"Yep that's pretty much it."

"Well I hope you told him to fuck off."

"Yeah I did actually but there's something else."

"What?"

"Paul told me he loved me last night."

"Oh my god that's fantastic babe I knew he did I just knew it oh I'm so pleased for you."

"Yeah well don't get too carried away there's um more to it than that."

"You didn't say it back did you?"

"No, I couldn't do it Mike I wasn't sure how I felt so today I went to see Tom."

"Oh Steph you better be joking."

"No I'm not but it's ok because we kissed and it made me realize that I do love Paul."

"You kissed!"

"Yeah I know I'm an idiot but I stopped it, it didn't go any further and I don't plan on seeing him again, my only problem now is telling Paul."

"What? Steph you can't be serious you can't tell Paul about what happened the guy's in love with you it will break his heart and could ruin the best thing that's ever happened to you."

"What you don't think I don't know that? But I can't lie to him Mike."

"It's not lying Steph it's not telling him something, there's a difference and I'm telling you now if you tell him you will lose him."

"So basically what your saying is I should just keep my mouth shut about Tom and feel guilty for the rest of my life."

"Do you love him Steph?"

"Yes!"

"Then yes that's what I'm telling you to do, now go and see Paul tell him that you love him and be happy, you deserve to be happy."

"Do I?"

"Yes you do and you know you do now go and see Paul."

"Maybe you're right, ok I'm going."

"Good, let me know how good the sex was afterwards."

"Bye Mike."

I think he may be right so I go to the bathroom to freshen up and prepare to tell the man who loves me that I love him too.

I go to Paul's flat and knock on the door, there's no answer but I can hear music inside so he must be in, I knock again, still nothing so I try the doorknob and it opens. When I get inside I see Paul sitting on his sofa, a bottle of Jack Daniels stands on the coffee table and he's draining what's left in his glass.

"Paul, are you alright?"

"Nope."

"Are you drunk?"

"Yep."

"What's wrong?"

"Finchley Road Apartment 12."

Oh shit that's Tom's address.

"Paul, do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"Well now Steph that's an excellent question, would you like to tell me how long you've been fucking your ex boyfriend behind my back?"

"Paul just listen to me ok, I haven't been fucking anyone but you and I came here tonight to tell you that I love you."

"Tell Tom that as well did you, when you were fucking him."

"Paul please I didn't sleep with Tom."

"I saw you this morning Steph when you left the building, I was outside getting some air trying to figure out why the women who I told I loved couldn't say it back when I saw you leave, I called out to you but you didn't hear me so I followed you. I saw you go into his building Steph, I saw his name on the intercom Tom Monroe that is his name isn't it Steph?"

"It's not what you think Paul, I went there to say goodbye to him to tell him to leave me alone and to put old ghosts to rest, it's what I needed to do before I could tell you that I loved you."

"Do you really expect me to believe nothing happened between the two of you? I'm not an idiot Stephanie."

"Ok we kissed but that was all I swear, please believe me Paul, it made me see that it was you I wanted and not him."

"What and you didn't know that before you went round there?"

"I wasn't sure, but I am now I love you Paul."

"Well it's a shame you couldn't have figured that out before you went to bed with him; did you think about me Steph, hey? Did you even give me a second thought when you were fucking him, was he that good? Was he better than me was that it?

Oh god I'm crying now and I can't stop, I'm desperately searching for something to say that will make him believe me and forgive me but I have no words left to give him and he throws his glass against the wall shattering the silence and my heart.

"Tell me Steph, was he better than me?"

"No, I didn't sleep with him Paul, I didn't, I didn't."

"I don't believe you Steph."

"Please Paul."

"Get out Steph."

"Please listen to me."

"GET OUT!"

I run from his flat and out of the building into the pouring rain where I fall to my knees and sob my heart out. How could I have been such an idiot? I've messed up and have no one to blame but myself. I pick myself up of the wet grass and blindly walk off up the street in search of my sanity and the nearest bar I can find.

I end up in a seedy bar somewhere, soaking wet and proceed to dull my pain with vodka, maybe not the best solution but right now it's all I can think of. After my forth or fifth double vodka I start to cry again going over and over what has happened when the bar tender appears at my side.

"Is everything ok love?"

"I'm not your love." I slur back.

"Ok none of my business but it's getting late and I think you've had enough."

I'm about to come back with some witty drunken response when someone else butts in.

"It's ok mate I'll take care of her."

I see the bar tender walk away.

"Steph, are you ok?"

"Paul?"

"No it's me Steph, Tom."

"Oh you've got to be kidding me, what are you doing here?"

"Well I was going to have a drink but I think you may have drunk the bar dry."

"Oh ha ha, just piss off Tom, haven't you done enough damage?"

I get up to leave but lose my balance and Tom has to catch me and hold me up.

"Ok right come on lets go."

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Steph, you're soaking wet and drunk I'm not leaving you here on your own so come on my place isn't far."

Tom practically carries me back to his flat and sits me down on the couch before disappearing into the bathroom. He comes back with a towel and a bath robe.

"What are they for?"

"There for you, you're soaked through now change into that and dry your hair off."

"Oh yeah sure I'll just take my clothes of in front of you."

"Steph I've seen you naked a million times but don't worry I'll turn around, just get changed alright or you'll catch pneumonia or something."

"Fine but don't look"

"I won't, I think I better make you a coffee."

"Haven't you got anything stronger?"

"There's wine in the fridge but I think you've had enough."

"Don't patronize me; I know when I've had enough so just get the wine ok."

"Ok, you changed?"

"Yes."

He hands me a glass and sits down beside me to pour the wine.

"So you going to tell me what happened?"

"You Tom, you bloody happened you're not satisfied with wrecking our relationship that you have to wreck mine and Paul's too."

"What?"

"He knows I was here today, he followed me."

"Well if he's following you then…"

"Don't, don't you dare try and put him down you don't have the right."

"Ok, well what did he say then?"

"He thinks we slept together."

"Well we nearly did Steph."

"No we didn't we just kissed Tom."

"Yeah we did kiss."

"Don't Tom, please."

"Well we did, we kissed are you telling me that meant nothing, because I don't believe you."




To Love Again Ch. 02



Preface: This story looks back on a happier time for Denise and Nan during their two weeks in Gold Beach, Oregon, before they had to say good-bye, each crying her sadness. It involves their climbing a mountain where they experience making love in the outdoors.

********************

Morning came on the wings of a light Zepher breeze, coming over the mountains behind the little town of Gold Beach. It gently rustled the leaves of hardwoods and evergreen trees that rose on the backs of mountains that formed a wondrous backdrop for this little, out-of-the-way corner of the world. The sea grasses and sea oates with their bushy tops waved to and fro as if the fingers of the Zerpher breeze were playing out a merry tune or running their fingers through knotted hair. 

These wonders of Nature meet the waves of the Pacific Ocean coming onto the beach in row after non-ending row. Sometimes the waves gently swish softly onto the sandy beach while there are days combers rise in white caps at their tops to curl and crash in row after row, showing Nature's power. One can hear their strength as they either churn the beach, cutting swaths and channels for them to return from whence they came, or as they crash upon the rocks in wondrous spray which in time will cut them into pieces, wear them down, and polish them into beautiful, natural gifts beachcombers can find along the beach. 

This, however, was one of those gentle days, and Denise and Nan were awake but still lying in bed in one another's arms. Denise had her right leg drapped over Nan's two legs since she mostly slept on her back while Denise was a side-sleeper. Nan had her eyes closed, and Denise studied her body from head to foot, admiring the statuesque figure she was. She saw Nan's lovely large breasts with their cleavage well-defined in her teddy rise and fall with each, measured breath. Looking down from her breasts, Denise admired how well Nan's rounded hips matched them and how her narrow, short waist gave her that hour-glass figure she so dearly loved. Of course, Denise could not forget to look at Nan's lovely face.

Denise reached out her right hand and softly traced her fingertips down her smooth arm.

"Good morning, Love," Denise whispered.

Nan turned her head towards Denise and smiled. "Good Morning, Denise. And how are we today after our night of making love?" Nan playfully chided.

Denise smiled both inwardly and outwardly, "Oh, bosh. And who should be asking how she is after our night of making love?" Denise came back with her own gentle wit.

Each then remembering how wonderful it had been to be in each other's arms making love for quite sometime...hours...they looked into each others eyes and studied each other's facial features, and no matter how hard they tried not to, they both burst out laughing.

In the midst of their joyous laughter, Denise rolled over onto Nan and scooped her into her long arms and brought their bodies together, face to face and breasts to breasts. Denise bent down and kissed Nan wantonly on her luscious lips, sliding her tongue into Nan's open mouth. As many times before, this was not a howdy, good-morning kiss but a soulful and heartfelt kiss that told each how much they were in love.

After the kiss was mutually broken, both Nan and Denise let out a slow breath, letting the other know the power of their kiss.

Denise raised herself up off Nan, keeping her gaze all the way. "Well, now, and what shall we be doing today, me Luv?"

There was a pregnant pause when each thought the other could surely hear her heart beating, but if it were anyone's heart each heard, it was her own.

Nan had a thought but wasn't sure she should mention it to Denise since it involved a fantasy of hers, one she had had for many, many years...one she could not fulfill given her many years of celibacy since her hurtful breakup with her former love partner.

Denise looked at Nan and saw she was in deep thought, but since she had asked Nan what they should do today, she thought it must be about that.

Screwing up her courage to invade Nan's private thoughts, Denise asked, "What is it, Nan? What is it you want to do? From your hesitation in answering my question, I think it is in answer to it, but then I'm not sure."

Nan answered Denise's question with some trepidation, "Well, Denise, I have had this fantasy for many, many years that I have dreamed of having come true. But I'm self-conscious about telling you."

"Oh, Nan, you know by now you can tell me anything even though we've known one another for just a short time. We both promised to be open and non-judgmental. Did we not?" asked Denise.

"Yes. Yes. You're right, Denise. We did promise that," answered Nan.

"Well, then, let's have it. What is your fantasy you'd like to do today? Nothing will shock or surprise me, Nan. You can be sure of that. I've my own list of fantasies. One of them just might be the same as yours," Denise encouraged Nan.

"All right, then. My fantasy is to make love outdoors in the woods, being completely butt- naked. Does that sound too horrible, Denise?" Nan asked with a blush coming to her face while holding her breath for Denise's response.

Denise smiled and her face lit up as she looked at Nan's somewhat discomfort in having shared her fantasy with her. "Ooooohhhhh, Nan. That is a fantastic fantasy. So natural and erotic," she said. "The very thought of it is beginning to make me wet already."

While saying this, Denise reached down and pulled up her red teddy around her hips, a different kind without snaps in the crotch as she had worn when they first made love. She let it fold around her waist, exposing both her shaved pussy covered with a thin line of very blonde hair that went from the top of her pussy where her small labia meet at the glans, hood, and shaft of her clitoris, and from there up to her pubic hair shaped in the form of a heart.

Denise reached over to Nan and gently took her left hand, and moved it towards her, putting Nan's fingers covered by her own onto her excited clit.

"See, Nan, how excited and wet I am from the very idea of making love with you outdoors. It is so erotic, and the idea of making love in a public place even though it is the woods where we might be seen makes it even more wanton and erotic," said Denise. 

"Mmmmmmm. You feel so good down there. So good and so wet," Nan said as she brought her fingers up to her mouth and licked and sucked them clean of Denise's pussy cream. "And they taste good, too," Nan added, smiling.

"I bet you're wet between your legs, too, Nan. Aren't you?" asked Denise.

"Yes. Yes. I think so. I do feel somewhat wet between my legs," Nan said.

With a tone of mock-surprise, Denise said, "Oh, well then. Here, let me feel your clit and see if your wet or not."

Denise raised herself up and leaned forward, giving her a full view of Nan's furry bush. Nan's thick, reddish pubic hair still thrilled her so.

Denise reached down with her hand and let her fingers trace from the bottom of Nan's pussy up to her vagina, enjoying the silky feel of Nan's smooth labia, until she came to Nan's vagina. Once there Denise circled around Nan's vagina hole with her fingers and then gently slid them into it. She didn't stay long. Denise, having collected Nan's pussy cream, removed her wet fingers and went back up to Nan. 

Holding her fingers in front of Nan, Denise said, "Well, as you can see, Love. You are not only wet. You are verrrry wet."

With that Denise said to Nan, "And now, you must return the favor I gave you. I'm going to suck and lick my fingers of all your wet, pussy cream."

Denise put her fingers into her mouth and tasted the ambrosia of Nan's womanly, scented pussy cream. "Mmmmmmmm. You are one delicious woman, Nan. I must say," Denise told her.

Once again Nan blushed at the compliment, but she was happy Denise liked the way she smelled and tasted. 

Both Nan and Denise were too far gone and too excited now to get up from the bed to begin their day of finding a place to make love outdoors.

They looked at one another, and without having to ask or answer, each knew they both needed to have their orgasms, but they would make these orgasms short and quick. Just enough to take the edge off their erotic sensations and desire to cum.

"Well, Love, I don't think either of us planned this, but now that we're here, we might as well get at it and give ourseles our orgasms," said Denise. "What do you say?" she asked Nan.

"Oh, yes. My yes, Denise," answered Nan. "It couldn't be any other way," she sighed.

"How do you want to get off then?" asked Denise.

"Well...well," Nan hesitated answering.

Denise jumped in, "Why don't we get into the 69 position and eat one another's pussies until we cum all over each other's faces?"

"That sounds good to me, Denise," responded Nan. "That sounds very good, indeed."

Because of their difference in height, Denise suggested Nan should lie on her back with her turned around and with her thighs on either side of Nan's face while Denise knelt on the bed with her ass raised and her head between Nan's splayed legs.

Having gotten the logistics of their 69 position straightened out, Denise said,"Scootch down, Nan, and I'll get on top."

Nan did as Denise asked, and once in place, Denise got up on her knees, brought her left knee up and over Nan's body, and lowered it onto the mattress. Now Denise had her head between Nan's lovely legs with her pussy just inches from her face.

After looking at Nan's beautiful pussy, spread as it was from her stretching her legs apart, Denise dipped her face directly into Nan's pussy and began to lick and suck it frantically up and down between her labia. Nan did the same to Denise as she raised her head and brought her mouth and tongue up to Denise's pussy. Nan's being on the bottom as well as being short made it more difficult for her to lick and suck Denise's clit and labia while Denise had the advantage of being on top and having full access to Nan's whole pussy. 

Both traced in between each other's pussy lips with their tongues and lips, and when and if they were at the entrance to each other's vaginas, each pointed her tongue and stuck it inside as far as it would go. Once again Nan was at a disadvantage for being short as well as being on the bottom. 

However, whatever her position, both Nan and Denise were so hot and horny, they didn't need too much attention nor time to get the other off, so they sucked like banshees on one another. 

In between their moaning and groaning Nan and Denise sensed their times for orgasm were very close, so each went to THE spot to help the other have her vibrating orgasms. Each raised her head and brought her mouth right onto the other's erect clit that was so hard and sensitive to the touch. Each flicked the other's clit with their rapier tongues and swirled their clits around. They then clamped their mouths onto each other's clits in a suction grip, pushed their faces into the other's pussy, and quickly thrashed their heads from side to side as does a shark when bitting a junk of flesh from the body of its prey. They continued sucking on the other's clit, bringing her to orgasm.

Moans and groans of wanton pleasure filled the room until simultaneously Nan and Denise released their vibrating, tingling orgasms against the other's face, not bringing them up until the shrill sounds of each other's orgasmic pleasures were stilled and the trembling legs of the other opened and released each other's heads that had been trapped as if in two vices.

Denise rolled off Nan and at first just lay at her feet, trying to get her breath under control and regulate her pounding heart that she could feel as the blood passing through the veins in her temples throbbed. It was the same for Nan. And each was covered in sweat, loving sweat, the sweat that comes from having given and received the velvet touch of her lover.

Once calmed, Denise climbed up to Nan and kissed her cum-covered lips. In that kiss each tasted their mingled love juice and pussy cream, and each luxuriated in their kiss as well as in the taste of the elixir of their love.

"Whew! That was really something. Wasn't it, Nan?" Denised sighed through breath she was still trying to control.

"Oh, my, yes, Denise. That was so fantastic. So erotic. My orgasm exploded as if it came right through my clit," Nan answered. "Again, as I told you before, Denise. I never knew such orgasms, such erotic emotions, were possible. And to think I've missed them a good part of my life. What a shame. But, at least, I have you to thank, Denise, for introducing me into the art of lesbian love for which I absolutely thank you."

Denise just smiled at Nan, letting her know she understood what she had been telling her. After all, Nan had given her the gift of her "virginity" for which she was ever grateful.

"Well, Love," said Denise, "It's best we get showered and dressed into our hiking clothes, so we can go out and find ourselves a mountain to climb, and I think I know just the one. We passed it on our way north to Coos Bay. But first, after getting ready, we need to eat breakfast and pack a lunch for later. Cheese, crackers, and fruit all right for you, Nan?" 

"Yes, that will be fine," answered Nan.

"Okay, one more kiss, and it's off to the shower," Denise said to Nan as she lowered her lips to hers.

With these necessities completed, Denise grabbed their lunch and put it into her black backpack where she also kept her trusty Swiss Army knife.

In minutes Denise and Nan were driving north through the town towards the place that Denise had selected for their hike that day. Loving to climb mountains and having climbed the highest mountain in the Lower Forty-Eight, Mt. Whitney, in Southern California, Denise thought she and Nan would enjoy a climb up a mountain where they were less likely to meet too many people...if any with luck.

They crossed the north bridge that spans the now blue, placid waters of the Rogue River that had through eons of time used all its energy to cut through the rock to make the gorge over which many white water falls now churn, cascading over the fallen rocks.

It is there one can take the jet boat rides up and down the Rogue River.

They were driving along the Pacific Coast Highway towards Fort Ord, a small town not too far north of Gold Beach.

Waiting in suspense, Nan asked Denise, "Where are we going?"

"You'll see, Nan. Just be patient. It's not too far, and I want it to be a surprise," said Denise.

Nan didn't press as she looked over at Denise who had a sly grin on her face.

Having driven about twenty minutes, Denise slowed the car down, crossed the highway, and parked the car in a rather large space along the side of the road.

"Do you remember that brown sign we saw when we drove to Coos Bay?" she asked Nan.

"Yes. I remember. But what about it?" Nan asked.

"Look across the road. What do you see?"

Nan turned her face and looked across the road and saw the brown sign Denise had just mentioned.

"All right. What about it?" asked Nan quizzically.

"Let's get out of the car, and I'll show you," answered Denise as she got out her side and came around to the passenger side from which Nan was getting out, closing the car door behind her.

"Here, give me your hand, Nan," Denise said as she offered it to Nan.

They looked both ways on the road, and when there were no cars coming or going, Nan and Denise crossed the road, climbed over the guard rail, and stood in front of the brown, wooden sign.

On the sign were two words: Humbug Mountain.

"Do you remember we thought it was such an unusual name to call a mountain, that being the words spoken by Ebenezer Scrooge in Dicken's "Christmas Carol?"

"Yes, I remember that. We couldn't make the connection between the two," said Nan.

"Right. You know I love to climb, and I thought you would enjoy our climbing up to the summit of Humbug Mountain. You don't mind? Do you, Nan? If so, tell me, and we'll look for some other place to hike," said Denise who was willing to compromise with Nan since they didn't do anything without the other's approval.

"No. No.," answered Nan. "It's fine with me to climb it, but you know I'm not the climber you are, but I'm willing to try."

"That's, my girl," said Denise.

Thus agreeing Nan and Denise crossed the highway again to the other side, locked the car, got Denise's backpack, and looked for the beginning of the trail which they found was not far from where their car was parked.

The three mile trail runs out of Brush Creek Canyon to the summit, and the first thing they noticed about the trail on Humbug Mountain was it started up from the very beginning, so it wasn't long before both Denise and Nan were breathing deeply and feeling the strain on their leg muscles. They even had to stop a few times to catch their breath.

One of the pluses of this hike was they were hiking under a broad canopy of trees that covered the mountain, making it cool; although, the winds coming off the Pacific northwest act like a constant air conditioner.

This part of the trail was so strenuous and circuitous, Nan and Denise didn't talk too much but kept looking at their feet.

Denise, being the experienced climber, encouraged Nan, "Just take one step at a time. You can't think of getting to the top. Just think about taking the next step."

"All right, Denise," Nan gasped.

In about twenty minutes Nan and Denise came to a fork in the trail, and here they stopped to rest and catch their breath. Their chests heaved in and out with each breath, accentuating the rise and fall of their breasts.

At this quarter mile junction there was a sign which said or warned that if the first part had been too taxing, one should turn around and go back down.

Denise read the sign, looked up both trails which went to the left and right, and seeing neither one seemed as elevated as the thigh-burning part she and Nan had just completed, she said,"What they Hell! I think we just climbed the most difficult part of the trail, and now they tell us we should go back if it were too difficult. How absurd can that be? There should be a sign at the beginning telling hikers of the difficulty of the steep climb," said Denise mockingly.

"What do you want to do, Nan? Your choice," asked Denise.

"I don't know, Love, but I'm willing to go on," answered Nan.

"All right then, which do we take...the trail to the left or the trail to the right? Both will take us to the summit.

Nan looked at each trail and the option they faced, and then she said, "Let's take the left trail. One drives on the left side of the road in Ireland, so we'll go up on the left side," Nan said with a smile on her lovely face.

Denise didn't care which trail thet took, and so she agreed with Nan to take the left trail, thinking her reasoning to be quite the Irish thing to do.

Thus, each taking a deep breath, Nan and Denise continued their hike up forested Humbug Mountain that dominates the south coast with its steep rise from tidal pools to the sky. In spring wildflowers brighten the trail, and the creeks filled with winter water cascade over rocks and fallen trees with a raucous voice. Since it was April Nan and Denise where at Gold Beach for their two weeks together, they saw the wildflowers that both of them loved. The color was so fresh and beautiful.

The forested mountain is so dense with trees there are only a few views to the north and east. Its slopes feature an old-growth rain forest, and Humbug Mountain is said to be the highest mountain in the Lower Forty-Eight that directly descends into the sea, looking like a pyramid from seaward, so Denise had the privilege of climbing two of the highest mountains in the Lower Forty-Eight, 1756 feet of Humbug Mountain and almost 15,000 feet of Mt. Whitney.




To Love Again Ch. 02



This trail, as Denise surmised, had an easier elevation than the first quarter mile, and so she and Nan had time to stop to look at some of the wildflowers, listen to the songs of birds, and hear the raucous sound of cascading streams. They also talked and shared more about themselves and about their relationship that began sharing emails on the Internet through a Website named Irishpenpals.

It took Nan and Denise about an hour and a half to reach the summit where they saw a small, brown sign with four yellow numbers: 1756. And then they climbed the last few steps and came out of the shady, forested mountain onto a small, very bright meadow of long grass and white and purple wildflowers. There was also a wooden bench off to the left side as one looks out over the tall evergreen trees onto the Pacific Ocean which that day was calm and looked like a mirror reflecting the glare of the hot sun.

"Well, I didn't expect this, Nan," Denise said somewhat disappointed.

Denise being a rock climber was used to reaching the summit and standing on a rock-strewn peak, sometimes coated with snow.

Nevertheless, she saw the beauty of the summit of Humbug Mountain and the little meadow that was made for the few who make it to the top.

Denise walked over to Nan and took her hand. "Well, Love, was it worth it? Do you like what you see?" asked Denise.

"Oh, yes, Denise. I'm glad we climbed up here. It's so beautiful," answered Nan.

Denise squeezed Nan's hand and said, "I'm glad, Nan. I sensed there were times you would have liked to turn around and go back, but, like a trooper, you went on climbing. And in a way I think it must be like a woman birthing her child...although, I'll never know how it really is...who goes through labor pains but is overjoyed with the birth of her baby. What do you think?"

"I'd say you're right, Denise. The accomplishment of doing something I have never done, climbing a mountain, was worth all the effort it took to reach the top," said Nan with inner-pride.

Denise still holding Nan's hand in hers, began walking with Nan beside her. 

"Lets go look at the view we have, Nan," she said.

"Okay. Let's, and don't you just love those little, white daisies with there small yellow buttons and the purple columbine standing amidst them?" asked Nan.

"Yes, they are very exquisite, Nan. I love daisies. They are my favorite flower. They're so 'happy' looking," answered Denise.

"Listen, Nan, to the many bird calls and see them flying and flitting in and out of the forest, and then there are the sounds of insects in the grass and bees buzzing here and there. This little meadow is a microcosm made by Nature herself," Denise mused.

When Denise and Nan were close to the place where the meadow slopes into the tree line, they stopped so the tall evergreens didn't block their view.

Nan and Denise stood silently and very close to one another, allowing all their senses come alive to the beauty that surrounded them.

After a few minutes of looking out beyond the trees to the ocean, Denise gave Nan's hand a little squeeze and then went behind her so that her body pressed against Nan's backside. Denise's firm, pert breasts pressed into Nan's back, and the very contact caused her nipples to rise and get hard.

As Nan tilted her head backwards against Denise's left shoulder, Denise slid her hands around to Nan's front and took her lovely, full breasts into her palms and lifted them, feeling their weight in her hands. She loved the feel of Nan's magnificent breasts.

Denise then began to massage Nan's breasts softly with her hands, caressing them with her fingertips. She felt Nan's nipples rise and become hard against her palms, and so she slid her fingers upward and outward until they made contact with Nan's nipples. At first Denise just lightly brushed over Nan's taught nipples and circled around her areolas, feeling the gooseflesh rising against her sensitive fingertips even beneath the material of her T-Shirt. 

"Mmmmmmmm, Denise, that feels so good. You make me purr like a kitten," Nan sighed.

"I'm happy I have that effect on you and your body, Nan," Denise responded with a husky voice.

While saying this to Nan, she took her nipples between her thumbs and forefingers and first squeezed and then flicked them back and forth. She also drew them around in circles, making the nipples even more erect and swollen.

Nan was mesmerized by Denise's soft touch on her large breasts, and pressed her back against Denise's breasts whose nipples were also very hard. This tactile contact between the two caused sexual arousal in them.

Denise lowered her head so her lips were at the opening of Nan's ear. She blew softly and whispered, "Nan, do you remember the fantasy you shared with me earlier this morning about your wanting to make love outdoors?" asked Denise as if purring into Nan's ear.

"Yes, oh yes, I remember, Denise," Nan answered as her body became more sexually agitated.

Nan was now so sexually aroused it was difficult for her to speak.

"Well, Love, this day I'm going to fulfill your fantasy in a very mystic way. We're going to make love on the top of Humbug Mountain in this meadow and in the woods just beyond. Would you like that?" Denise asked rhetorically, knowing what Nan's answer would be.

Denise removed her mouth from Nan's ear and slid it down her cheek bone to the middle of her jaw, leaving a wet trail behind with her saliva. She then, while lifting Nan's large breasts in her hands, moved her head to the back of Nan's neck and kissed her on the nape of it, sending uncontrolling shivers of sexual excitement through Nan's body.

Nan now felt how wet she was between her legs and sensed her sexual arousal flowing from her brain to all parts of her body, especially her genitals and her breasts.

Denise's kiss was long and sweet, and she sucked on the place her mouth was on the nape of Nan's neck. She drew the flesh into her mouth and with her sucking brought blood to the surface so that when she broke the kiss, Nan had a red mark where Denise's mouth had been.

To compensate for their height difference, Nan at five feet three inches tall and Denise being five feet eleven inches tall, Denise moved around her and stood in front of Nan. Standing on the gentle slope of the hill, Denise was now standing in front of Nan's breasts. She saw her hard nipples and dark circles of her areolas pressing against her white T-Shirt that had sweat stains on various parts of her upper body.

Nan looked down into Denise's light, blue eyes with cat-like dark pupils as Denise reached out, pulled Nan's T-Shirt out from her shorts, and eased the material up and over her breasts, arms, and head until she had it off and dropped it to the meadow grass. 

Now there was Nan's light, mesh bra that she wore for support of her breasts rather than for hiding her nipples. This bra had one hook in the middle of the front and down at the bottom where Nan's breasts came together with her cleavage pushed together and uplifted. Denise reached out and with ease opened the hook with her hands, freeing Nan's luscious, round, breasts.

The feeling of being free of the constriction of her bra and the feel of the cool breeze blowing against her flesh made goose bumps around her nipples and sent them up her arms. 

"Oh, my, that feels wonderful, Denise, but I feel a wee bit embarrassed having my breasts uncovered here in a place where anyone can come and see us," Nan said nervously.

"Well, we did agree making love in public where we might be seen making love was part of your fantasy and that it would add excitement to it. Did we not?" Denise asked.

Nan didn't answer right away, but when she did, she said, "You're right, Denise. That is the very thing that is a part of my fantasy of making love outdoors. But, sometimes there is a difference between fantasy and reality."

"Well then, this must be one of those exceptions when fantasy becomes a part of reality, so put your inhibitions aside and enjoy," said Denise as she once more held Nan's breasts in both hands and brought her mouth onto Nan's left nipple and sucked on it softly, feeling the texture and taughtness of the it.

With that first contact of Denise's mouth on her breast, Nan's doubts and fears disappeared, and she relaxed and was going to enjoy the pleasures each would give and receive from one another in their lovemaking.

Denise worked on Nan's left breast and then went to her right breast, giving it the same attention she had the left.

While doing this, Denise dropped her hands down to the belt in Nan's kaki hiking shorts, undid the buckle, and unzipped them. With both hands Denise folded the top of the shorts back to loosen the fit around Nan's full hips, and then moving her fingers to the bottom of Nan's hiking shorts, she took the edges between her fingers and slowly slid both legs of her shorts over her well-formed, round hips, down her ample thighs and the rest of her legs, and had her step out of them.

Now the only thing Nan had on except for her socks and hiking boots, were her shear, black panties. She seldom wore thong panties due to her very hairy bush that the thong did not contain her pubic hair at all, but she, liking to be natural, wouldn't think of shaving her pussy. She liked the looks of it and the feel of it, but she had to admit she loved the feel of Denise's shaved pussy.

"Ohhhhhh, I must say, Love. Your black panties are fantastic. I love being able to see through the mesh above your crotch and all your reddish pubic hair, some of which still goes beyond the edges of your panties," Denise said admiringly."

"Thank you, Denise. When we had agreed to meet in Gold Beach, I did think about trimming my pubic hair so it wouldn't be so thick and go beyond my pussy to the crease in my thighs," Nan said.

"Oh, my, Nan. I'm so glad you didn't cut your pubic hair. I like it just as it is, and besides, despite the difference in our height, our pussies are different, too," said Denise.

"You are right, Denise. You have very thick pubic hair while mine is shaved and feels so velvety smooth except for the small line of pubic hair running from the top of my pussy where my small lips come together at my clit and then fans out into the shape of a heart. That heart is for you, Denise," Nan smiled.

"Well, now, have I got you sexually aroused, Nan?"

"Oh, my, yes. Quite," answered Nan. 

"Okay. Let's get down to more serious lovemaking. Take my hand and follow me," said Denise as she offered her outstretched arm to Nan.

Nan took Denise's right hand into her left and followed beside her from the small meadow filled with daisies to the forest just beyond the tree line. Before leaving the meadow hand-in-hand with Denise, Nan stooped to pick up her T-Shirt, hiking shorts, and panties. She didn't want to leave any telltale signs should others come into the meadow.

Denise looked around as they slowly walked through the rather dense forest of trees and shrubs. The forest floor was covered with fallen, brown needles from the evergreens that gave Nan and Denise a spongy cover on which to walk.

As they continued, Denise finally found what she wanted, a tall tree with a trunk about two feet in diameter. She led Nan to this tree and stopped.

"Now, Love, I want you to rest your back against this tree and spread your legs for me. All right?" asked Denise.

Without questioning Denise, Nan did as she had instructed, feeling excited for the things to come.

Nan turned around so that her back was facing the tree and slowly inched backwards until she felt the cool hardness and slight roughness of the tree. Her heart increased its beating. Her breathing came more deeply and quickly. Her mind created images of things that might come. In all it was very erotic for Nan. She finally was going to have her fantasy fulfilled, making love outdoors, but she never thought her fantasy would be filled as it would be that day.

While these bodily functions changed in Nan and her mind raced with erotic scene after erotic scene, Denise removed all her clothing except for her hiking boots and socks. 

There she stood naked before Nan who at the time was unaware so caught up was she in her sexual daydreaming. Denise just smiled at Nan and waited, but then she softly cleared her throat with a purring sound, bringing Nan into present reality.

"Oh, my, Denise, I was so caught up with my erotic daydreaming of making love outdoors, I got lost inside myself," confessed Nan.

"Not to worry, Love. Those brief moments gave me time to undress and be as naked as you are," answered Denise.

Nan stood there with her mouth slightly open as if in surprise, seeing Denise naked before her, a vision of pure, erotic passion.

Once more she looked at what she thought was feline in form and nature: short, light blonde hair brushed back and cut around her ears and straight across the back; pools of iridescent blue eyes with her hypnotic dark pupils; straight nose that flared slightly at the end; and a mouth that looked as if it were made to kiss and eat a pussy; breasts round, pert, and tipped with pink areolas and nipples. At five feet eleven she was tall with a well developed mid-section that had noticeable abs, flat tummy, rounded hips, and long legs...very long legs...long legs that can wrap another inside them when she brings them together at her ankles. For Nan, Denise had an animal aura about her, again feline in nature.

"Oh, my," sighed Nan, "Denise is so lovely and desireable. I'm ready for whatever she does."

Denise dropped down to the ground on all fours and slowly crawled over to Nan, eyes focused on her quarry, until her face was directly into Nan's pussy. She sniffed with her nose, smelled the headiness of Nan's distinct fragrance, ran her tongue over her lips, and she made a throaty purr, sending chills rippling throughout Nan's sexually-charged body. 

"Oh, god. What Denise is doing to me. This is so erotic. So beyond my expectations," Nan moaned within herself, her self-conscious. Denise is actually making me feel as if she is really going to eat me, so real is she as the feline I think she is and looks.

While Nan was mesmerized by the realness of Denise's cat-like presence, Denise slid her searching paws across Nan's flat tummy and onto her hips. At Nan's hips Denise placed her nails onto her skin and gently clawed her way down to Nan's ass, leaving light traces of ten, red nail marks. From Nan's thighs Denise continued to slide down each globe of smooth flesh to let them come to rest in her paws. With nails still exposed, Denise squeezed and scratched gently.

"Jayus, Mary, and Joseph," moaned Nan from deep within herself. "What wondrous feelings Denise is stirring within me, and what images she is creating for me with her touch and sounds. If I concentrate, I actually imagine she is a lioness ready to devour me."

As if sensing Nan's thoughts, Denise said somewhat intrigingly, "Do you remember the lioness given to you at the airport?"

"Yes, yes, I do. Her name is Sahara," Nan answered.

"I am Sahara incarnate, Mistress Nan," purred Sahara, "and I've come to give you unspeakable, sexual pleasure."

Even though Nan knew who was speaking, nevertheless, she was spellbound with Denise's looks and demeanor. On her conscious level Nan knew this, but her subconcious let her into this other world so that it was Sahara and not Denise who was now with her and making love with her. And for the "now" in her life, Nan willingly and wantonly accepted this reality.

Therefore, Sahara was now in the position to play with her prey and to pay homage to the center of Nan's womanhood, her pussy, her gates to Nirvana. Sahara brought her head forward and immediately pressed her nose and face into Nan's abundant pubic hair. She felt its silky softness as she licked and kissed all around her pubic mound, and everywhere she went she sometimes took some hair into her mouth to suck on, leaving a wet trail of saliva wherever she had been.

Sahara inhaled deeply and smelled the fragrance of Nan's pussy and became intoxicated with it. Having Nan's pussy arouse her sexual senses, Sahara moved down to Nan's splayed legs to lick from her ass hole, up to her creamy vagina, between her pussy lips, and onto her supremely aroused and very sensitive clit.

Sahara sucked on Nan's clit, soliciting moans of sensual delight from the depths of Nan's mind and body, and with flattened tongue Sahara slowly lapped it along with her sucking.

"Does Sahara's Mistress enjoy what she is doing?"

"Ohhhhhh, Sahara. Yes. Yes. That feels so wonderful. Eat my pussy. Make me cum, Sahara. Lick me with that big, drooling tongue of yours," Nan pleaded.

Sahara lowered her paws from Nan's ass cheeks and slid them down the back of Nan's thighs until they were at the soft back of her knee caps. 

Pushing inward and downward, Sahara said, "Mistress Nan, follow me down with your spread legs and kneel on the ground with my hairy head and mane between your legs, your thighs on either side of my face."

Nan did as Sahara told her, bending her knees and keeling down before her until her legs were spread wide and her parted pussy straddled Sahara's body.

"Now, I'm going to slide forward until my back paws touch the trunk of the tree, and then I'm going to spread my legs and shuffle forward until my lioness pussy touches the round trunk," instructed Sahara.

"What should I do, Sahara?" asked Nan, not knowing exactly what Sahara had in mind.

"You slide backwards with me until I feel the tree trunk and stop moving," Sahara answered.

"All right, Sahara. I'll just follow your lead," said Nan.

Thus when the two were in place, Sahara told Nan, "Now, Love, move upward over my body, cross over my shoulders so that your knees are on the ground, and your thighs are touching the sides of my face. That will allow me to have my arms and paws free to hold your ass in them. From there when you look down at me, you'll see you are sitting on my face, at least you will be," Sahara smiled.

"Oh, Sahara, it looks so naughty seeing my head over your face," Nan said.

"Yes, I imagine it does, Mistress Nan, but think of how the joys you will feel churning throughout your body in erotic delight!" Sahara emphasized.

"You're right about that, Sahara," answered Nan.

"So then, lower yourself until you are actually sitting on my face and my tongue can insinuate itself into your open vagina," Sahara said.

Without a reply Nan slowly lowered her body until she felt her pussy make contact with Sahara's mouth.

The touch was electric for both Nan and Sahara, Nan receiving pleasure and Sahara giving pleasure; although, at the same time Sahara was receiving sexual pleasure in the giving of it to the one she loved.

Sahara shoved her long tongue inside Nan's vagina as far as she could possibly make it, even with the spreading apart of Nan's pussy lips. While inside, Sahara roamed Nan's vaginal sheath with her tongue either licking or making circles with it. Either way Sahara was exciting Nan and getting her tongue all covered with Nan's pussy cream.

"Ohhhhh, Sahara. Yes, lick me out. Your tongue feels so good inside me," moaned Nan.

Sahara contiued for awhile but then she slid her tongue out of Nan's vagina and come up for some air.

Her face and mouth were covered with Nan's pussy cream, and Sahara licked her lips clean, even to licking between the fingers of her paw.

Once Sahara caught her breath, she slid further down until she was able to flick her tongue across Nan's ass hole. She didn't want to forget that, but for now she wasn't going to take the time to finger-fuck her in her ass. She just wanted to say a polite lingual-hello.

From Nan's ass hole Sahara moved upward past her perineum and once more to Nan's vaginal opening that had pussy cream running out of it and down the cracks between the globes of her sweet ass.




To Love Again Ch. 02



She took a quick dip with her tongue into Nan's vaginal hole and then continued on, flattening her tongue and slowly sliding upward, separating Nan's smaller lips with it. When she got to Nan's little wings towards the top, Sahara sucked on each one and then on both of them together, creating exciting sensations for Nan's sexually-charged body.

After sucking the butterflies, Sahara mouthed her way to the top part of Nan's pussy where her two small pussy lips came together at the clitoris. Here she stopped, drew her head back so she could take a closer look at THE sexual organ of a woman's body, and spread the little lips with her paws.

Now she saw more clearly the glans, also called the bud, pearl, or pea which, when excited, as was Nan now, fills with blood as does the whole pussy and becomes erect and hard.

The clitoris which is the proper word for the female sexual organ is the only organ in both female and male specifically designed for one thing and only one thing: Sexual enjoyment.

The clit is covered by a protective hood which, when unaroused, is usually not seen. After the glans there is a protective hood followed by the shaft whose size various among women, and the crus or cross that are long ligaments that come to points and go up and over the pelvic bone come last. When having an orgasm, the ligaments of the crus rapidly vibrate like a rattle on a rattlesnake.

"Oh, my," Sahara thought to herself as she continued to look at Nan's pussy, especially her clitoris which, by the way, was large and had a long shaft, making it look as if her clit was longer than it actually is. When she saw Nan's pussy, especially her clitoris, she salivated profusely inside her mouth.

All of Sahara's examination of Nan's wonderful clit took but seconds before she went up to Nan's clit and began to lick around the outer tissue, exciting Nan even more than she was. But Nan was ready for her orgasm, and she wanted to hurry it along.

Therefore, she leaned backward which shoved her horny, aroused clit into Sahara's mouth. Sahara sucked on it while Nan rocked on her face as if she were riding on a hobbyhorse, stimulating a bigger, sensitive area of Nan's pussy that was about to burst.

"Oh, Sahara, yes. Suck my pussy. Flick it with your tongue, but mainly suck it to make me cum," moaned Nan from deep within her sexual being.

While rocking back and forth on Sahara's mouth, Nan stretched behind herself and felt for Sahara's pussy, and even though she did not have long arms as did Sahara, she managed to reach the top of Sahara's pussy and her equally excited clit. Sahara, too, needed her orgasm, and so she moved her aroused pussy upward so Nan could reach it better.

Now the two were working for the other to have her orgasm(s), Sahara licking and eating Nan's dripping pussy and Nan fingering Sahara's clit, working as fast as she could go.

While Nan was rocking back and forth on Sahara's face, she reached up with her right paw, brought it from around Nan's left thigh, and worked her paw between Nan's splayed legs. Once there Sahara took all of her fingers and without hesitation shoved them into Nan's very lubricated vaginal sheath, thereby partially fisting Nan since she had her hand inside up to Nan's wrist.

When Nan felt her vagina so full with Sahara's paw, she let out a deep moan of extreme, sexual delight. 

Sahara slid her paw across Nan's ridges and onto the spongy part at the top that is her G-Spot. This was the trigger that set Nan off into an uncontrollable orgasm.

Nan was hit by an explosive orgasm, the likes of which she had never known before, not even the first she had experienced with Denise on their first night together. That night she was very shy and unsure of herself, but now, having felt what an orgasm feels like, Nan was more than ready for the best of them.

As the sexual energy coursed through her body, beginning deep down inside her being and slowly working its way to the top, Nan waited for the eruption.

When the eruption of her sexual energy came, it burst right on her hard clit, and the cumulative physical, mental, and emotional sensations caused Nan to snap her knees together, capturing both Sahara's face and paw between them. 

However, with Nan's explosive orgasm she managed to finger Sahara into having a powerful orgasm herself, enjoying both the deep orgasm Sahara had helped Nan to have as well as Nan being able to get her off, too.

And so ended the sexual experience of Sahara the lioness and Mistress Nan.

After the episode ended, time passed for Nan and Denise as if it weren't concerned keeping pace with man's manipulation of days and nights. Neither Denise nor Nan were in a hurry for this to end as each felt the other's love juice running down their bodies: Denise's covering Nan's hand and running between her legs and Nan's squirting all over Denise's lovely face and hand, almost drowning her in it. But once Nan released the tension of her legs away from Denise's head, she withdrew her hand from Nan's sopping vagina and laid her head fully on the ground while looking up at Nan's beautiful, wet pussy that was still agape from her having her fist inside.

Denise lifted her head and kissed Nan's pussy, "There you go, Love. I guess you can stand and let me up. That's if your legs will hold you," Denise laughed softly.

Nan slowly unwound her bent legs, letting the blood get back where it belonged, and then she got up from the ground. She stepped over Denise's head which allowed her to get up from her lying down position with her legs on either side of the tree trunk.

"If you were wondering, Nan, why I lay down with my legs touching the trunk of the tree, the answer is quite simple. I believe in my Druid background that all things have spirits, and I wanted to touch the spirit of the tree while we were making love," said Denise.

Nan smiled and shook her head. "I understand, Denise. I have similar feelings, too," answered Nan.

Denise came to Nan and, taking her lovingly into her arms, bent her head down as Nan raised her head up, and they shared a lovers' kiss. When the kiss ended, Nan looked at Denise and said, "Denise, I'll never forget the mystical, sexual experience you gave me today by turning into the lioness Sahara. You made it so real both in sound and touch. I'll never forget it. Thanks so very much, Love," Nan said.

"You're welcome, Nan," accepting Nan's thanks. "I must admit I certainly got caught up in the maystical quality of it that permeated our senses, making it seem so real."

"However, young Lady, do you think we might be putting on our clothes before someone does come our way now that we have made love...for now," she added with a wicked grin on her face.

"Yes, I guess we should, Denise, but doesn't it feel good to be outdoors and unencumbered with restrictions put on us by clothes? Not to mention the law," Nan laughed, understanding the unreality of it all.

"That's true, and isn't it amazing no one came to the summit of the mountain while we were here, almost as if it were our mountain for the day...the day we made love outdoors and fulfilled your fantasy?" asked Denise.

With a pensive look on her face, Nan said, "You know. You're right. It is strange, Denise. Do you suppose it might have been the wee ones, the leprechauns, that kept others away as they keep others away from their faery forts?" 

Then Nan and Denise burst out laughing in just the thinking of it.

"Let's get dressed then and be off to our apartment. We'll take the other trail on the way back so we'll have seen all three miles of it. Sound good to you?" Denise asked.

"Fine with me, Denise," answered Nan.

Nan and Denise dressed quickly, walked out of the woods into the little meadow that was now in some shadow as the sun was sinking down in the west.

"Oh, my, Nan. We forgot to eat the lunch we brought!" said Denise.

"Well, we did have something more pleasurable to do than eating; although, you...I mean Sahara... did a good job of eating my pussy, Denise," Nan grinned.

"Thank you, Nan. I'm glad you enjoyed it," she smiled. "We can eat later after we're back at our apartment," Denise said.

So, hand-in-hand Nan and Denise took a last look from the little meadow out onto the Pacific, turned, and walked out of the meadow into the forest.

The trail down, of course, was easier since it was all down hill, and Nan and Denise got to see a few of those north views through which one can see blue sky. They also saw beautiful and delicate, nine leaf, green, maidenhair fern that was clinging from rock formations that formed a natural wall along the path.

When they came to a place in the trail where two tall trees stood on either side, Nan hurriedly ran ahead of Denise, stopped, and then turned around.

"Hey, Love. Stop and get between the two trees. I want to take your picture," said Nan.

"All right. I know you enjoy taking photos, and both of us did bring our Canon Rebel 2000," said Denise who stood between the two trees with arms bent and hands touching each one of them.

It didn't take long for Nan and Denise to finish the three mile hike and get back to their car into which they got and headed south towards Gold Beach and their apartment.

Nan and Denise were so happy together, and even though they were just beginning their two weeks in Gold Beach they hated the thought that one day it would end and they would have to go their separate ways. But for present they were together and were going to make the most of the time they had to share.

After supper Denise and Nan walked down to the beach as usual, both loving to listen to the sound of the waves washing onto shore and watching beautiful sunsets while sitting on their favorite, bleached, driftwood log. They sat side by side, holding hands and touching thighs together. Often Nan would rest her head on Denise's shoulder, and Denise would put her arm around Nan's waist. 

They breathed in the salty night air as they watched the fading sun give way to the silver orb of the moon and the myriad of her sister stars that fill the ebon sky.

Nan and Denise were in love, and the two of them were very happy in this time and place.

Maggie Red Rose



To Love Again Ch. 02



"Well you slept with another woman and apparently that meant nothing so why should I believe that?"

"That's different."

"Oh please tell me why?"

"Because I didn't love her."

"You left me for her!"

"No I didn't I just left you Steph."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a fool, you were spending so much time setting up your bookstore and I was lonely, I felt like we were drifting apart, Danielle was just an escapism that was all."

"Oh so what you're saying is that it was my fault."

"No, that's not what I'm saying, it just got too hard."

"So why didn't you talk to me about how you felt, we could have worked it out Tom we were together for 4 years wasn't that worth fighting for?"

"I didn't have the strength Steph."

"But you do now, is that what you're saying?"

"Yes that's exactly what I'm saying, I love you Steph and I will fight as hard as I can to get you back, to get you to forgive me."

"It's too late Tom."

"It's not Steph, we could be together again why won't you give me a second chance?"

"Because I can't Tom, I need to sleep I'm going home"

"You can't walk home at this hour, you can stay here."

"If I stay you know we will end up in bed together and that isn't going to solve anything."

"Look it's really late, please stay, you can have the bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

"Thank you, goodnight Tom."

"Goodnight Steph."

I take the rest of my wine to bed and try to sleep but I can't, all I can do is think about the mess I've made of things. I can smell Tom on the bed clothes and fresh tears well up in my eyes, we had it all and then we lost it. I need another glass of wine so I creep back into the living room and try to reach the kitchen without waking Tom. I manage to reach the fridge and pour my wine but the condensation has made the bottle slippery and it falls to the floor and smashes, just like my heart I think to myself and begin to cry. Of course this wakes Tom and he rushes to my side.

"Steph are you ok?"

"I'm sorry Tom the bottle just slipped."

"Hey don't cry, it doesn't matter come here."

"Oh Tom I just don't know what to do."

"Oh Stephanie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you like this."

"You broke my heart Tom."

"I know I did and I'm so sorry but if it's any consolation I broke my own as well." 

I break our hug to look at Tom and there are tears in his eyes and down his cheeks, I use my hand to wipe them away and his hand covers mine holding it against his face.

"I've missed your touch Steph."

"I've missed yours too."

He lifts my hand off his cheek and places it against his mouth kissing the tips of my fingers, his other hand fiddles with the knot of the bathrobe he leant me and when he manages to undo it looks me in the eyes silently asking for my permission. I nod my head slowly and his hand parts the robe revealing my naked body underneath. Tears still sting my eyes as he kisses my lips and my hands reach out to touch his naked chest and I pull him into my body as he slips the robe off my shoulders.

His hands massage my breasts and plays with my nipples as his tongue slides in my mouth exploring it as if for the first time, kissing me urgently and pressing his erection against my bare pussy. My hands are in his hair pressing his head to me to kiss him harder. I run my fingers down his back and slip my hands inside his shorts to knead the soft flesh of his arse then pull his boxers down to free his cock.

He immediately lifts me up and places me on the kitchen counter and I spread my legs for him as he continues to kiss me hard down my neck and along my collar bone then my nipples. One hand goes down between my legs and the other reaches for the handle of the fridge, he puts his hand inside and brings out an ice cube and I gasp as he slides it over my nipple the coldness making it throb with delicious vibrations and making me moan in delight as my hot skin begins to melt the ice and cold water runs down my stomach and between my legs.

He retrieves another ice cube and runs it over my other nipple and with his other hand still fucking my dripping pussy I am close to cumming. The hot and cold sensations are making me crazy and when the ice cold water runs over my aching clit my orgasm erupts and my body shakes as I cum on Toms Fingers.

Kissing my breasts intensely through my orgasm I feel him sink his cock inside me and the pleasure multiplies. I lean back on the counter as his hands go to my hips and he begins fucking me vigorously, rapidly plunging his cock in and out of me until my second orgasm rocks my body.

He wraps my legs around his waist and lifts me off the kitchen counter then lies me down on the table and continues to fuck me relentlessly. He places my legs over his shoulder and his cock bores into me further, my nails dig into his skin as the satisfaction he is giving me almost overpowers me completely.

I bring myself up into a sitting position and we kiss passionately, his hands in my hair and mine caressing his chest. He picks me up of the table and bends me over it, he knows this is my favorite position as he plunges into me from behind, thrusting his cock in and out his hands on my hips to keep the strong and steady rhythm going.

He withdraws his cock from inside of me and rubs it against my arse using my juices on his cock to lubricate my hole. I feel him gently push inside me and I moan loudly, my screams filling the room as he begins to slowly work his cock back and forth. I grind my arse back onto his cock letting him know he can pick up speed and he begins to fuck me harder, groaning louder with every stroke until neither of us can take much more and he cums inside me.

He pulls out of me and turns me around wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight trying to control his breathing.

"I'm sorry Steph, that wasn't very romantic was it? I just couldn't control myself."

"It's ok I couldn't hold back either."

"Come to bed with me Steph, I want to make love to you."

He smiles lovingly at me and I follow him into the bedroom where we make love like we used to.

I wake in the morning to find Tom staring down at me.

"Morning beautiful, I've put some water and painkillers beside the bed I thought you might need them after all that vodka last night."

"Thanks but I feel ok, just a bit tired."

"Well that's not from the vodka." He grins.

"No, Tom about last night."

"You regret it already?"

"No it's not that but I do need some space to sort my head out, forgiving you won't be easy and forgetting will be even harder."

"I understand, so does this mean that you still love me?"

"I never stopped loving you Tom."

"Then take all the time you need because I'm not going to lose you again Steph."

I take a slow walk back to my flat and let my head adjust to everything that happened last night and about Paul. I do love him I really do but I have never stopped loving Tom either and a new relationship can't compete with 4 years of history, I had just been kidding myself that it could. 

I get back to my flat and see I have a message on the machine, I hit play.

"Steph it's me Mike, are you there? I've just spoken to Paul he told me what happened I'm so sorry babe but don't worry because I finally got through to him that you didn't sleep with Tom and he's desperate to talk to you, call him then call me ok."

Oh god that's a conversation I'm not looking forward to, it kills me to have to say goodbye to Paul but I know I can't have them both. I'll go round there later and talk to him but right now I really need to get some sleep, or maybe not as someone knocks at the door.

"Steph are you in there?"

Oh god it's Paul.

"Come in." I yell.

"Steph I'm so sorry about last night, Mike told me the truth I know you didn't sleep with him."

"I told you the truth Paul but you didn't believe me."

"I know and I'm sorry but I just love you so much Steph, please I don't want to lose you I've been up all night thinking about you, I even came round but you weren't here."

"I stayed out last night; it really hurt me that you didn't believe me."

"I know and I'm sorry but I'll make it up to I promise just tell me what I have to do and I'll do it."

"There's nothing you can do Paul, I think it would be best if we just went our separate ways."

"Where did you stay last night?"

"I just stayed out Paul, does it matter where?"

"Oh god, you were with him weren't you? You were with Tom."

"Yes."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Yes."

"So you're going to throw away what we have to go back to a man who cheated on you, who caused you so much pain, I would never do that to you Steph never."

"I'm sorry Paul I really am."

"Last night you said you loved me, was that a lie?"

"No it wasn't Paul I really meant it but I've never stopped loving Tom either."

"I know that Steph that's why I was so sure you had slept with him. I loved you so much and I thought in time that you would fall in love with me too and finally let go of him."

"I did fall in love with you Paul I just can't let go of Tom."

"So that's it then, it's over and you're going back to Tom?"

"No I'm not going back to him I've told him I need some space to think things through and that's what I am going to do."

"Well how am I supposed to cope living a few doors away from you and not being able to touch you or kiss you or be with you?"

"That won't be a problem I'm going to go and stay with an old friend for a while until I get my head together."

"When are you leaving?"

"I think today would be best I'm going to go pack in a minute and then I'll go."

"I'll miss you Steph."

He kisses me lightly on the cheek and turns to leave with tears in his eyes and I wait until he's gone before I let my own fall.

I've been at my friends for two weeks now and had no contact with either Tom or Paul and I miss them both. I've also missed my period and I'm sitting in my friends bathroom staring at the pregnancy test as the two pink lines appear telling me I'm pregnant.



To Love Again Ch. 03



Well could this situation get any worse? Confused, miserable, in love with two men and now pregnant, oh and I don't know who the father is but except from all that everything is frigging peachy! Tom and I talked a lot about having children when we were together, he wanted desperately to be a daddy but for me it was never the right time I was either too young for the responsibility or I was too busy setting up my bookstore. As for Paul I have no idea how he feels, we never discussed children although I believe he would be a wonderful father I don't know if he ever desires to be one, I guess it's time I found out.

I'm going home today, I've buried my head in the sand for long enough it's time to go home and face the music. I should also book an appointment with my GP in the hope that he can tell me exactly how pregnant I am giving me the chance to answer the question I continue to ask myself, who is the father of my baby.

I arrive back at my flat and it's good to be home. I unpack my things and then stare at myself in the full length mirror trying to picture how I will look in a few months time when my firm flat tummy gets bigger and bigger as my baby grows inside of me. I could murder a glass of wine but resist the urge and phone the doctors instead making an appointment for this afternoon.

I sit anxiously in the doctor's waiting room which seems to be full of parents and their children or pregnant women with their large belly's weighing them down flicking through parenting magazines and I swallow hard as a wave of nausea runs through my body.

"Stephanie Shaw the doctor will see you now."

I stand up slowly and go in.

"Miss Shaw take a seat, what can I do for you?"

"Well Doctor I think I'm pregnant."

"Have you done a Pregnancy test?"

"Yes and it was positive."

"Ok well if you would like to remove you skirt and underwear and hop up on the table so I can examine you."

He pulls the curtain around me as I start to remove my skirt and knickers thoughts racing through my mind, if I'm more then two weeks pregnant than it has to be Paul's baby, how would I feel if it was his? How would he feel? And where would Tom fit in? My thoughts are interrupted by the doctor as he draws back the curtain.

"Right Miss Shaw I'm going to give you an internal examination this will let me determine how far gone you are so if you just put your feet together and then let your knees fall apart."

Oh how degrading, me lying on my back with my legs wide open as if I haven't done that enough lately.

"Ok everything seems fine I would say you are two weeks pregnant Miss Shaw."

"Exactly two weeks?"

"Well it's hard to be exact but no more than two weeks."

I leave the doctor's surgery feeling sicker than when I went in, I can't believe the mess I have gotten myself into I mean I was on the pill for god's sake, I know it's not 100 % effective but near enough. How am I going to tell Tom or Paul or oh god my mother? And then I think of something else, am I really ready to have a child?

I go home and cry and cry and then I cry some more I don't know what I am going to do or what my future holds, I need to talk to Tom and Paul but I don't know what to say. There's a knock at the door and my heart jumps, I ignore it I can't face anyone right now but the knocking continues and I dry my eyes.

"Steph are you in there?"

It's Paul; nervously I approach the door and let him in. He flings his arms around me hugging me tight.

"Oh Steph your home I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too Paul but now isn't really a good time."

"Steph what's wrong, have you been crying?"

"Please Paul I can't do this right now."

"Just talk to me please, I love you Steph these last two weeks have been hell for me, I can't bear not being with you I need you to tell me you love me too."

"You know I love you but things are complicated right now."

"Marry me Steph."

"What?"

"I said marry me, I love you and you love me so lets be together."

"I can't marry you Paul."

"Why because of Tom? He doesn't love you like I do Steph; I would never cheat on you or leave you ever and I want to be with you for the rest of my life."

"Paul I'm pregnant."

"What? You can't be?"

"Yeah that was my reaction too but I've seen the doctor Paul, I'm two weeks pregnant which means I don't know if you're the father."

Paul sits down and puts his head in his hands; his shoulders begin to shake as he sobs.

"I'm so sorry Paul believe me I am so sorry."

"I'm not the father Steph."

"You don't know that Paul it's more than likely that it is yours."

"No Steph, I wish more than anything in the world that it was my baby that you're carrying but it isn't, it isn't my baby Steph because I can't have children."

I sit down beside him completely shocked and take his hand in mine, I don't know what to say, this is a revelation I was not expecting and I really don't know how to deal with it. He looks up at me with tears down his cheeks and the pain in his eyes breaks my heart, he really would have been a wonderful father.

"I'm sorry Steph I should have told you but I didn't know how you felt about having children and I was scared you would leave me if you found out I couldn't be a father."

"Oh Paul I would never of left you because of that and you have nothing to be sorry about, all this is my fault. How do you know that you can't have children?"

"When I was younger I got the Mumps, I was really ill with it and developed Orchitis which is an inflammation of the testicles and well there were complications and it left me sterile."

"Paul I am so sorry, that must be awful for you."

"I can still be a father to your child though Steph, I promise I would love him or her as my own, this doesn't change anything for me I still want to marry you."

"I couldn't ask you to father another mans child Paul you would just end up resenting it and me and that wouldn't be fair on anybody and I have to consider Tom's feelings."

"What like he considered yours when he cheated on you, how do you know he won't do it again Steph and it would be 10 times worse with a child to look after? I can offer you stability we could be a family."

"I love you Paul I really do but it wouldn't work, I'm sorry but I have to talk to Tom and if there is a chance that we can sort this out and be a family then I have to take it Paul for the baby's sake, I hope you can understand that."

"I can't lose you Steph."

"I'm sorry Paul."

Slow soft tears run from his eyes and I can't hold mine back either, now the choice has been made and I have to walk away from him I realize just how much I really love him and the pain begins to burn my heart as he softly kisses my lips, a loving tender kiss that breaks my heart and melts my soul. His hands run over my shoulders and down my arms and I shiver from his gentle touch, I close my eyes and he kisses my eyelids then my nose and back down to my mouth where I feel his tongue smoothly slip inside.

"No Paul."

"One last time Steph let me make love to you one last time."

I know how wrong it is and how bad it makes me look but I cannot help myself, I understand what he needs and I need it too I have to show him how I feel about him even if it is for the last time even though I have to walk away I need to make love to him for the first and last time.

I smile through my tears and take his hand leading him into the bedroom; he returns my smile as he begins to peel of my clothes. He removes my top and kisses my shoulders and I can only moan through my tears, he kisses between my breasts as his hands fumble to undo my bra and then stroke my back as it falls to the floor. I pull his shirt off over his head and his body still takes my breath away, I kiss his chest and run my tongue over his nipple sucking it into my mouth and swirling my tongue around it. I switch to the other nipple and give it equal attention as his hands tangle in my hair and tickle my neck.

My head rolls back at the wonder of his touch and he tentatively presses himself up against me as we fall onto the bed holding each other tight. He leans over me and caresses my face staring into my eyes then closes them and looks away as if the pain is just too intense for him to bear. I reach up and kiss his eyelids as he did mine as his hands wander down to my hips and I lift my arse up of the bed as he pulls my skirt over my thighs and down my legs to join my bra on the floor.

I reach for his jeans and undo them, using my feet to push them to the floor his cock jumps free and I immediately take it in my hand rubbing his length as he moans in satisfaction. I get up on my knees and dive towards his cock taking it in my mouth and sucking slowly on the end licking his pre cum and flicking my tongue back and forth. I ease him back into my mouth taking every inch into my throat and sucking him in and out coating his cock in my saliva.

He removes his cock from my mouth and I lay back down on the bed, I feel him placing his cock inside my pussy and something snaps, I do not think I can do this I cannot let him penetrate me when I am carrying someone else's child. 

"Paul please stop, I can't do this."

"Steph what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry Paul I just can't, the baby."

"Oh Steph its ok I understand I just wanted to be with you one last time."

"I wanted that too but it's not right."

"I know you will be a wonderful mother Steph I just wish I was the father."

"So do I."

"Do you mean that?"

"Yeah I do, I've made such a mess of things Paul I was so confused and scared of making the wrong decision, Tom was my past and you were my future but I couldn't see that and now that I can it's too late."

"You don't have to go back to him you know, we could move away buy a nice house with a garden start all over again."

"I wish we could Paul."

"But don't you see we can Steph, I want you to be my wife I want to be a father and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and making you happy all you have to do is say yes."

"Too much has happened Paul I'm pregnant by another man and I can't deny him his child it wouldn't be right."

"I will always love you Steph."

"You will always have my heart Paul."

We lay together in each others arms as we say goodbye not wanting to break our embrace because we both know that when this moment is over that will be the end, but like everything in life there has to be an end and I wish it didn't have to be so hard but everything ends badly otherwise it would never end.

Paul has gone and I'm left weeping on my bed mentally kicking myself for being such a fool but you see when you've had your heart broken you do stupid things, things you wouldn't normally do and recovering is a long and painful process. I didn't want to get my heart broken again I didn't think I would be able to live through it again and so I had to make sure I made the right decision but in the process I made a lot of mistakes and I take full responsibility for them which is why I have to go back to Tom to take responsibility for my mistakes and have my baby.

The phone rings beside me and I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath before I answer.

"Hello."

"Steph it's me."

"Oh Mike."

I let my tears run freely as I break down; I cannot hold back the hurt any longer."

"Steph honey what's wrong?"

"I just don't know where to start Mike I, I, it's all gone wrong."

"Ok just calm down and tell me what's happened."

"I'm pregnant Mike and I didn't know who the father was but then I spoke to Paul and he told me he couldn't have children so it has to be Tom's but I don't want it to be his and now I can't be with Paul anymore even though he asked me to marry him and I have to go back to Tom but he doesn't even know I'm pregnant and..."

"Whoa ok Steph slow down, your pregnant?"

"Yes."

"And it's definitely Tom's?"

"Yes Paul can't have children."

"But he asked you to marry him?"

"Yes he said he would love my baby as his own and we could be together as a family."

"Ok so when's the wedding?"

"What?"

"Steph this man loves you I mean he really loves you, he's been in a right bloody state since you left and this sort of love doesn't come round very often so take it, marry the man you love and be happy."

"But it's not his child Mike, it's Tom's."

"Oh Fuck Tom Steph I'm sorry but the guy is a tosser what kind of father is he going to be the guy can't even take a shit without having someone else wipe his arse for him, his selfish and childish and you should just leave him in your past where he belongs put him in your what the hell was I thinking pile and get on with your life."

"Jesus Mike I know you don't like him but that's a little harsh even from you."

"Well I'm sorry Steph but it's the truth and I don't ever want to see you that hurt ever again and I guarantee you he will do it again."

"You don't know that Mike please I need your support here how can I just walk away from him when I'm having his baby."

"Piece of piss love you just put one foot in front of the other and keep on walking and don't ever look back."

"Mike is there something you're not telling me?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know but I've never heard you talk like this before so if there's something you're not telling me that I should know then I'd rather you just spat it out."

"You're not going to like it."

"Oh for god's sake Mike just tell me!"

"Ok when you were away I saw Tom at a bar and he wasn't alone."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying he was with another woman."

"Well he has a lot of female friends, work colleagues it doesn't mean anything was going on."

"No your right it was probably just a work mate they must have been working on a French kissing project!"

My blood runs cold.

"What?"

"They were very clearly together Steph they stumbled out of the bar with their hands all over one another, they didn't see me but I got a pretty good view I'm sorry I didn't want to have to tell you but if you go back to him now it will be the biggest mistake of your life."

"I don't believe you he wouldn't do that to me again."

"Steph I have never lied to you ever now wake up and smell the philandering bastard."

"I have to talk to him."

"You have to cut his bollocks off is what you have to do."

"Ok you've made your point Mike I get it but I still need to talk to him."

"Fine but don't let him talk his way out of this."

"I've got to go I'll call you later."

"Be strong Hun I'll be here when you need me."

I don't allow myself time to think I just grab my bag and head over to Tom's, I bang on his door and wait, there's no answer but I can hear noises inside so I try the door handle and it opens so I let myself in I just wish I was more prepared for what awaited me. There are clothes strewn all over his living room and heavy panting coming from his bedroom, the door is ajar so I take a deep breath and open it fully I'm met with the sight of Tom completely naked sticking his dick in what I can only describe as a bad Dolly Parton look-alike.

"Shit Steph um your not supposed to be here."

"Oh I'm sorry please finish!"

I slam the bedroom door as hard as I can and storm out of the flat, Tom appears behind me wearing just his robe and looking flustered.

"Steph wait please it's not what you think."

"It's exactly what I think but you know what i really don't care."

"I'm sorry I just couldn't help myself she doesn't mean anything to me Steph you're the one I love."

"You wouldn't know love Tom if it flew up your arse and exploded! I'm pregnant you piece of shit!"

"What?"

"Pregnant Tom, up the duff, with child, pregnant."

"Is it mine?"

I'm about to tell him when I have a thought, this could be my way out there is no way Tom would bring up another mans child and I no longer want him in my life I certainly don't want him anywhere near my child so I do what I have to do and lie.

"No it's not yours I'm three weeks gone, it's Paul's baby."

"Are you going to keep it?"

"No I thought I would get rid of it so you and I can live happily ever after."

"I still want you back Steph."

"Oh go to hell, Paul's asked me to marry him and I've accepted we're going to be a family so I don't want anything more to do with you just stay away from me Tom."

I leave his building and instead of the emotions I was expecting, anger, hurt, sadness I actually feel relived this whole nightmare is over, I don't love him anymore I love Paul and we can be together now I am free of my past now it's time to start my future. I go straight round to Paul's flat and excitedly knock on his door.

"Steph is everything ok?"

"Everything will be if you marry me."

"Excuse me?"

"I said will you marry me Paul?"

He lifts me up in his arms and spins me around.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!"

He puts me back down and looks into my eyes his hands cupping my face his lips meet mine and we kiss hungrily our happiness overflowing as we stumble backwards into the bedroom beaming smiles at one another. We impatiently jump onto the bed and rip each others clothes off kissing madly desperately in need of each other. Naked we touch each other with care stroking and teasing and kissing all over.

He takes my breast in his hand and caresses it with his fingers while he trails soft kisses down my neck. I lay beneath him as he sucks a nipple into his mouth and my hand reaches down to seize his cock. I slither my hand up and over his cock smearing his pre cum over the head so my hand can travel up and down with ease, effortlessly gliding back and forth and he moans into my flesh as his mouth stays clamped around my nipple.

Kissing around my breast his lips journey downwards planting light kisses on my stomach and then around my inner thighs, my skin tingles in delight as his lips reach my pussy and begins to delicately lick within my folds. His tongue flicks along my clit and I arch my back thrusting my hips forward to apply more pressure, his tongue swirls around increasing my wetness as I pant through the pleasure. He enters me with his tongue plunging it deep inside igniting my orgasm as my pleasure intensifies and I grab hold of his hair keeping his lips firmly where they are as I reach my first release and cry out through the orgasmic rush.

My head spinning slightly I sit myself up and see Paul grinning at me I lean forward and kiss his smile my tongue slipping inside his mouth to cavort with his. I roll him over to where I had just laid and kiss my way down his body my hand rubbing the insides of his thighs. My lips arrive at his cock the head glistening with more pre cum and I kiss the top licking my lips to taste his salty offering. I plant more kisses down his shaft then lightly begin to lap at his balls, one at a time I take them into my mouth and roll them around my tongue sucking on them hungrily.

I slide my tongue back up his shaft and place my mouth around his cock taking just the tip inside and twirling my tongue around it. I take another inch into my mouth and slowly begin to suck him back and forth adding another inch every time my lips slide back down. When I have his entire length in my mouth I really go to work on his cock sucking him deep into my throat and working my hand at the base using my saliva as lubrication to stroke and suck him at the same time.

His breathing is becoming erratic and his hips are thrusting forward as he pushes his cock deeper into my throat and his hands are on the back of my head keeping the rhythm going. Not wanting him to cum just yet I slow my pace down and hear him sigh in contentment as he reaches down to lift my head from his cock and I crawl up his body kissing his chest on my way.

He rolls me over onto my side and lays himself behind me his body spooning mine and we fit together like two pieces in a puzzle. I can feel his cock pushing between my legs and my wetness lets him easily slip inside me and he holds himself there as his hand closes over my breast. Slowing I begin to feel him draw out and then slide back in and we both moan at how good it feels, his hand still strokes my breast and plays with my nipple as his cock consumes me totally.




To Love Again Ch. 03



His hand leaves my breast and strokes my inner thigh tickling my skin; the slow and steady movements of his cock feel amazing and I grind my arse back against him increasing the pleasure. I am rewarded by his hand creeping to my pussy and he rubs my clit gently as he continues to make love to me from behind. The combined sensations are incredible and I can feel another orgasm welling up inside me, my breathing gets heavier and obviously sensing I am on the edge he pushes two fingers inside of me and that is all it takes for my orgasm to charge through my body.

Before my body has time to recover he rolls me onto my back and lays himself down on top of me thrusting his cock inside and going to work feeding my orgasm coursing it to deepen as I scream and moan. Our sweating bodies merge together as he holds me tight and his cock slowly but effectively slides deeply inside me and back out again and we cum together as he holds me in his arms.

He withdraws himself from and slumps back against the pillow and I curl up beside him resting my head on his chest.

"I love you Steph but I need to know that Tom is out of your life now."

"He is I told him that the baby was yours and that I wanted no more to do with him."

"The baby is mine, it's our baby Steph."

I've never been a big believer in happy endings but I guess sometimes they do exist; Paul and I were married one month later and it was a beautiful wedding, just close friends and family. We bought a house with a garden just as Paul promised we would and spent the following months sorting out the nursery, which is where I'm sitting now feeding our little girl.