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There She Is Again

By: Jimnewsphotos



This is a little work of fantasy about a waitress at a local restaurant that I see all the time. Hope you enjoy. Thanks to all the readers who helped edit this for me!

THERE SHE WAS

Every Thursday afternoon, just like clock-work she was there; not that I was anticipating it or anything. Walking through the double glass doors of Panera, in between the advertising signs for the latest taste sensation that littered the entrance area, I could see her sitting at her regular corner table in the side section of the restaurant. Each week for nearly six months she was at this same table reading text books or furiously taking notes spread randomly across the table. She obviously worked at this local Panera Bread; I had often seen her wearing the golden, button down, logo, manager's shirts worn by the employees. 

But today she was wearing an everyday outfit of jeans, a low cut sweater with a light colored camisole underneath. The graceful curve of her neck, slightly hidden behind the golden strands of her hair grabbed my attention. I could just imagine the feeling of my lips gently kissing that lovely curve. Just the sight of her presence made me smile inside.

Yeah, I know. It's pretty strange for me to be so enthralled by a lovely university student. Frankly after working in the area for nearly twenty years; the fact that everywhere you go in this neighborhood you're surrounded by attractive college girls has desensitized me to their presence. Just a couple of blocks from the main campus housing, this location was usually filled with students in their late teens and early twenties. But she wasn't a typical student that swirled around the restaurant; she stood out as much more mature. 

By the way she so carefully worked at her task you could see that she took her studies seriously. I'm absolutely horrible at judging a woman's age. If I were to take a guess, I'd say she was in her late 30s; just a few years younger than me. While she tried to dress in a way that blended in to the typical student wardrobe around her, it was her eyes that gave away her maturity. There was a depth there that could only be found through experience.

As on every Thursday afternoon, she was there at her regular table. I don't normally go for blonds. To be utterly honest, brunettes are my weakness. Still, there was something about this woman that was stunning. Her long blond hair was most often pulled back away from her face with ribbon or a U shaped barrette. Her gorgeous locks were often curled to perfection and behind her black rimmed reading glasses were the most amazing blue eyes you'd ever want to see. Her eyes are what captivated me. 

Across the weeks of watching her, I would often find myself mesmerized by her eyes. It was what first caught my attention many weeks earlier. There was pleasant laughter to her gaze that was both enticing and unobtainable. 

I watched as her eyes followed the lines of her textbook. You could see the wheels of her mind turning as she gleaned the concepts found in the words. Having taught a few classes for the last three years, I can almost tell if a student isn't thinking about the topic at hand or just glazing over it. This woman wasn't shallow or just going through the motions. She was always alertly and intently learning.

I started coming in here weekly to kill time. Well, at least that's what I tried to convince myself in moments of clarity. I've got a lot of time on my hands recently. My Thursday schedule is somewhat strange. I'm an account manager for Mylan Pharmaceuticals. Being a hometown boy; I grew up here, went to the local university, knew the local businesses, and made the right contacts to find myself now in a dream job. Having worked for Mylan since completing my undergrad; the company paid for me to continue through grad school. 

Now on Thursday evenings I teach an evening business class at the university as a part of a corporate connection program with the school. The university gets additional funding and Mylan gets some input on curriculum development; mostly in pharmacology but like my class, in other fields as well. As a result, we regularly recruit graduates to work for the company who are already trained in current practices of a major pharmaceutical manufacturer.

So a typical Thursday included working until two o'clock, then hanging out at Panera to review my lecture notes for this semester's course in business ethics, and having a quick dinner before going over to the lecture hall. There wasn't much use in going all the way home before class. 

Home was on the other side of town and was empty now. When my wife took off last spring, she left me the house and a mild echo from the hardwood floors due to the sparse remaining furniture. I guess it could be worse. At least we were being cordial about the separation; and it was just a separation at this point. Although it had gone on now for a year, leaving me with the dull sense of uselessness. She waited to leave until our son had started college, saying she wanted him to have some structure before separating. It's not like I didn't see it coming. Our relationship had grown cold over the previous year that led to a numbness about relationships in general.

Maybe it was the loneliness. Maybe it was the fact that this woman that I had seen each week for months was so attractive to me for some reason. Maybe it was just the pleasing feeling of not eating alone, even though we were at separate tables. I don't really know why this woman crept into my brain. I'm not sure how or why she got to my brain, but she was certainly there now; gnawing at my thoughts each week when I passed through the door. Subconsciously I wanted her to be there. I needed her to be there. During those few moments each week I felt more peaceful; as if the cold, dull nature of my existence still had hope of being thawed. Even in moments of quietness in my office, the simple thought of this woman could bring a smile to my face. 

I went through the routine of standing in line for coffee and danish; my normal first round to kill time while looking through my notes. As usual, the table next to this object of my obsession was open. It was a small table; a chair on one side and the long bench for several tables on the back. Few people gravitated to this small side section of the restaurant. I think some folks didn't even know there was a side section. 

As I passed by her, we made eye contact and the customary raised eyebrows of acknowledgment that we recognized each other. God how awkward was that; almost like a school kid passing a note to the cute girl in class, 'do you like me? ... check yes or no'. But it wasn't any more awkward than prior weeks. Each week brought a more comfortable and casual greeting. I took my seat at the table, being assure that the angle of my seat would permit me to glance up from time to time and take in her beauty. Yes, I admit it. I am a bit of a voyeur.

After an hour or so of their great light roast coffee and reading over notes, I realized I was more than ready for the class that I would teach in a few hours. So I leaned back in my seat, went online with my ipad and thumbed through an online news site I often visit, killing time until grabbing dinner before heading out. I glanced over at the other table to see that my Thursday friend had put away the notes and was quietly reading. My glance lingered too long. It was a self indulgent glance at best. Okay, it was more than a glance. Almost as if the rest of the restaurant was rushing in random directions in double time while the image of this ravishing woman was in serene slow motion. 

I was so captured by her beauty that it took a moment to see that the book she was reading was one I recognized. It was a fairly common economics book used by most business schools for advanced students. Wow. She was digging into some pretty heavy reading. Gorgeous and intelligent; what a deadly combination. I've always had a thing for intelligent women. This isn't the stuff you just pick up to relax by the fireplace and read with a glass of wine. 

As I was mulling that over in my mind, she looked up and caught me staring at her. Well there's not much of a way out of this one so I might as well push forward. "Pretty heavy stuff you're reading there. Who do you have for economics?" I tried to ask casually, to avoid addressing the fact that I was gazing at her like a smitten kid. 

"I have Gruber for this one; and macro economics." she replied. Her soft, polite, voice had an undertone of self-confidence and clarity. 

"Gruber?! God, I thought he was dead. He was old when I had him." 

She smiled at my attempt of humor. "Yeah, some of us took his class thinking he might not make it through the semester and we'd all get passing grades under some sorta remorse clause." She smirked at her own comments. "I do okay in the other classes, but I just don't get most of this class." she seemed to be breaking away from a conversation between strangers and speaking a little more openly. 

"Well if you ever need some help with understanding him, just ask. I'm a survivor of six of his classes." I offered.

It was approaching dinnertime so I stood to go get in line for real food. "Need anything while I'm up?" I asked, just trying to be polite while passing her table. "From the looks of things, today's your day off." She gave me a mildly puzzled look at first, but noticed that I clearly was looking at the way she was dressed. "I'm kind of a regular around here." I explained.

"I'm usually the one waiting on people here." she smiled. "No, but thanks." 

An hour later as I was finishing my dinner and just pulling my things together in preparation for leaving, She suddenly picked up her textbook and came over to my table. Sitting down she placed her book open, slightly facing me. "Okay, I'll take you up on that help." she said almost as a request. "Can you explain to me the concepts of long-run aggregate supply as they relate to output and economic growth?" she inquired. 

"Wow, get right to the heart of it!" I replied in a bit of amazement at the question. "Well there are two primary models that have been developed to explain what determines long-term growth and it can differ in various countries; rather in various economic environments." For the next ten minutes I tried to explain a pretty technical concept related to economics and marketing. She drank it in, almost like an alcoholic taking a next drink. Unlike some of the students I taught in the class that would begin in an hour or so, she wanted to understand what I taught her. She even knew enough to ask the right questions in response.

Before I knew it, I had to end things or be late for my class. "Sorry that I have to cut us off. But I'm teaching a class in Business Ethics at seven. I hope what we talked about helps you understand where your prof is coming from." I really didn't want to end the conversation. She was such fun to talk to; the energetic way she was taking in information and her pleasant demeanor made even macro-economics interesting. A gorgeous woman who actually understands economic principles was a rare find.

"Thanks for taking the time to help. This is starting to make sense. Gruber can be so dull at times. I wish I had taken these classes with you instead." She spoke with pleasant appreciation. I hesitated for a moment, caught off guard by her kindness. 

"Well, I only teach one course each semester and it's usually not the technical courses. I actually work for Mylan, but they have me teach as an adjunct. You never know, you might end up in one of my classes yet."

That evening as I tried to give my lecture, I couldn't keep my mind focused on my class. My mind kept drifting to this lovely young woman. Her charming nature had left a peaceful imprint on my thoughts that I hoped wouldn't be erased by my painfully routine lecture. I wanted to hold on to those few moments I had shared with her; yet I really needed to get her out of my mind. Separation aside, legally I was still married.

A WEEK OF WAITING

There she is again, a week later, right on schedule. Students were everywhere; walking across campus and along the streets. I was barely out of my car when I saw her lovely golden hair. This time I could see her from the parking lot though the window, at her regular table. The glare of the sun against the window didn't obscure the fact that she was especially breathtaking today. The sun's light, shining in the window caused her golden hair to glow with a rich warmth. 

Winter's sweaters and coats were left behind as a first warm day hit. She was wearing a simple blue button down blouse with a white, light weight sweater over it. As I walked past the window, heading to the door, I could see she was intently reading a textbook. Her legs clad in jeans with the ripped out knees let a small portion of her leg show through. Sitting on one leg she had folded under her, she was wearing flip flops; a true sign spring was just around the corner. For a split second the imagery of me licking the flesh exposed by her torn jeans passed through my brain. I literally shook my head to clear the thought before ordering.

With my shoulder brief case filled with papers to grade, a fresh cup of coffee and danish in hand, I headed to that section of seating. I glanced around only to find that my regular table was occupied. While looking around the side room for a place to sit, I was almost run over by two very active children and a frazzled mother chasing after them. As I turned to leave for the main seating area, she saw me. "Hey Prof., you can join me over here," she called. I sheepishly hesitated. 

"You sure it's okay? I won't disrupt your studying, will I?" 

"No problem, come on over." she encouraged as she moved some of her books placing them on the bench seating next to her, freeing half the table for me.

Well this beats eating a frozen dinner at home by myself, I thought as I put my coffee down. "Thanks." Setting my briefcase against my chair, I tugged out my iPad with my lecture notes for the next class. 

"Hey, by the way, since I'm not your prof, let's just go with 'Jim'". I offered. 

"Yeah, I guess we never really introduced ourselves properly. I'm Jillian. But I go by Jill. Just don't call me Jilly cause I'll think my dad's calling." We shook hands, somewhat formally and somewhat sarcastically making light of the fact that we knew each other but didn't have names to go with the knowledge.

Rather than read her textbook, or for my part - look over my lecture notes, we sat and made simple small talk as I ate my danish. Jill finished off some sort of concoction of coffee with flavoring, whip cream, and chocolate drizzle. I guess I'm old school. Coffee should be black with no other additives in my book. But folks seem to think differently about a 'coffee shop' these days. She looked adorable sipping her concoction, as a bit of whipped cream touched her nose. Before I could say anything, she grinned and wiped it away with a napkin, somewhat embarrassed by the moment. The boyish grin on my face gave away the thought that I had seen it and was just fine with her being very normal. 

We talked about upcoming changes on campus, outlook for next fall's football season, and radical changes in the student housing facilities. Then we got a bit more personal than most people would on a first discussion with a stranger.

Jill came from a family of lower middle class oil field workers. She was the first in her family to have the opportunity to go to college even if it was as an adult student; and she wasn't going to blow it. Her husband had died suddenly two years earlier after falling asleep at the wheel while driving home from a week of working a new oil well. It just seemed like the right time to venture out on her own. She had to work her way through school, paying most of the bill as she went; between working at Panera and the insurance payout from her husband's death. Her work ethic was pretty amazing and her efforts were paying off with scholarships. You could see the passion for learning as she talked about classes, majors, programs, and grant opportunities. She even told me about a guy she had dropped after a couple of dates because he was interfering with her study time.

"So do you have kids?" she asked abruptly. Seeing I was caught off guard by the question, she glanced down at my wedding band. 

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, we have a son." I replied in a mildly awkward fashion. 

"And your wife?" she pressed on. I hesitated for a moment and she clearly caught on. 

"Well, let's just say Gwen is not in the picture any more." I quietly offered. 

"Oh god, sorry. I have a tendency to stick my foot in it all the time." She was clearly worried that she had offended me by asking. 

"No, no, no, it's okay. I've already come to terms with it." I smiled to try to assure her it was alright. Well that was out of the way. "I'm not even sure why I keep wearing this ring. You'd think after a year, I'd get the hint that it's kind of over. We're still married and everything, but I haven't even seen her in months." I mused. "You probably wouldn't have asked me to sit down with you if you knew I was a 'separated guy'." I smiled letting her know I was kidding with her. 

"Hey, I'd flirt with any prof just to get free tutoring," she quickly retorted in open sarcasm. "I have a daughter. She's seventeen - soon to be eighteen and hardly around much anymore. Seems like just yesterday..." She drifted off in her thought. I'm sure it was toward happier times before her husband's death. 

"Let me guess," I interjected to soften the mood, "she doesn't want to be seen with her mom anymore in public, she's gone all the time 'out with friends', and she has mood swings that make you feel like you're on a roller coaster." At that Jill smiled and gave me a knowing look.

"You've been there I take it?" She asked.

"Yeah, our son just turned 20 and he decided to go to college in Kansas City, far away from his bickering parents," I confided. "Don't get me wrong, we weren't in an all out war. But he felt like he was caught in the middle sometimes. I don't blame him much for going away to school."

By the time dinner was over we were chatting like old friends. It was so comfortable to have dinner with someone and enjoy the banter of communication. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed simply talking to someone. She was pleasant, articulate, and utterly amazing. Often I'd forget how beautiful she was, so focused on the depth and pleasing demeanor of personality. 

"Well, I have to head on out. My class starts at 7." I finally said, realizing it was already after six. 

"What lecture hall are you in?" She inquired. 

"Well, I'm in Madison 223 this year. It's fairly small. Not many take this kind of elective course. I only have about 32 students this semester." I threw my final items down in the brief case and placed it on the seat as I rose. I collected my dishes and then continued by picking up dishes Jill had finished with. Walking carefully, trying not to drop things, I finally got to the trashcans. 

I turned around to return to my seat and there she was. She had followed me, bringing my brief case and her books. I was a little caught off guard by her being this close but she easily lifted the shoulder strap of my brief case and placed it on my shoulder for me. Then she patted my shoulder on top of the strap and smiled at me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to just thank her or hug her. It had been a while since a lovely woman had taken the time to pamper me even in the little things. "Thanks Jill. You off to class somewhere tonight?" 

"No. Just Monday, Wednesday, and Friday." She replied as she buttoned her sweater, preparing to leave also.

"Well, hope to see you next week, then." I spoke with and optimistic anticipation of her reply.


There She Is Again Ch. 02



RECAP 

Thanks to all the readers of "There She Is Again" who encouraged me to write this sequel. While you might be able to follow this story without having read the first one, it might be easier to understand the dynamics of the characters if you read "There She Is Again" first. 

But if you want to read this now you're in good company. Lots of people saw Star Wars 4 decades before Star Wars 1 and they did okay.

So to recap for newcomers and to refresh the memories of those who read "There She Is Again", let me give a quick outline.

Jim is a soon to be divorced, account rep for a pharmaceutical company and he teaches a couple of night school classes at a local university. He becomes infatuated with a restaurant manager (Jill) he sees each week who is taking night school classes in business administration. His son Jason is attending college out of state and his ex wife, Gwen has been peaceable in their separation.

Jill, is a widow who is working, learning, and raising a senior in high school (Sandy). She and her deceased husband had a wonderful marriage which has caused her to struggle with loving again.

Jason surprised Jim by letting him know he was dating someone seriously. Jim and Gwen go with Jason to meet his new girlfriend and her family, only to discover that Jason has been secretly dating Sandy.

And now the story continues...

A COLD DINNER

The shocked look spread quickly on Gwen's face and told the story as she saw her son being hugged by a strange woman. At the same time, this strange woman's daughter was hugging her soon-to-be ex-husband. It was almost like she had entered a movie half way through and was trying to make sense of the plot. I could see her studying Jill; sizing her up with her predictable, calculated, mental processes. Then came the look of partial enlightenment overshadowed a mild dose of bewilderment as she inhaled a quick breath.

It probably didn't help things that Jill was looking simply hot tonight. She was wearing skin tight black pants that clung to every curve like a porsche on a winding road; right down her feet which were covered only by gold sandals. I couldn't tell right away if they were pants or elastic tights. The pale white shirt was made of a sheer gauze material, letting you see past the button-up front to catch a glimpse of the skimpy camisole underneath. The extra long tail of her shirt obscured the view of her shapely ass. Knowing Jill, she probably was too embarrassed to parade around in these tight pants without partially covering at least a portion of her curves in the sheer material of her shirt. Her hair was pulled back, held by a pair of sunglasses that were pushed up across the top of her head. With her hair back, her lovely facial features were in full view. The pale pink lip gloss she was wearing made me want to grab her and taste it right there on the spot. 

Jill broke the awkward silence, "Hi, I'm Sandy's mother, Jill." She reached out to shake Gwen's hand and in that simple touch of skin between two women, my worlds collided. I had carefully constructed a wall between the two and due to Jason's sin of omission - not giving me the name of the girl he was dating - my wall was crumbling.

Gwen stiffened slightly. "Gwen," she offered somewhat courteously before more coldly continuing. "But I see you apparently already know Jim."

"Yes, we've known each other for a while," Jill responded with a kindness that made every attempt to ease the tension. You could almost smell the smoke fuming from Gwen's mind as she was wrapping her brain around what was taking place. Just to throw fuel on the embers burning in Gwen's brain, Jill moved to my side and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as she fell in place next to me. I could feel my cheek flush oddly with the juxtaposition of Jill and Gwen meeting in such a strange way.

"Dad! You know Sandy? And her mom?" Jason was now standing close to Sandy; they were intertwined like typical, young lovers. 

"Yes, I do." I was gradually coming to my senses and returned to a state of mind with the potential of speech. "Sandy lovingly refers to me as 'The old guy that mom's going out with'," I jibed. Sandy of course thought it was hilarious but Jason clearly didn't have a clue.

"Jase, this is the guy I was telling you about. You know, they guy mom is dating. Isn't it wild?" Sandy said, bubbling as always.

"Dad? Wait! My dad's the guy your mom took off with for that long weekend?" Jason said directed to Sandy. Yeah. He said it out loud right in front of Gwen; who's face was now showing the signs of complete enlightenment. Jason had a confused look on his face. It was a cross between being totally grossed out at the thought of his dad with another woman and wanting to give me a high five.

"Jason, this isn't the time to talk about those issues. We're in a restaurant lobby!" I deflected, moving in more closely to the young couple. It was almost like I was trying to throw a wet blanket over a fire to snuff it out, but the fire was already uncontainable. 

Finally, Jill gave us some direction to break the hold that this revelation had on all of us. "We have a table already. It's over this way." She took my arm with unashamed confidence, almost claiming her territory, and led me through the maze of tables. Frankly I was still in a bit of shock. Our kids were in front of us. For a brief moment as I watched the way Jason and Sandy walked, bantered, and flirted with each other, it seemed almost a reflection. They were Jill and I; just younger. 

We were halfway to the table when it dawned on me that we had walked off without Gwen. I turned momentarily in panic wondering if she had left or was fuming. But Gwen was graciously following quietly.

Jill directed us to a round table where three drinks had already been ordered. Apparently Sandy knew what her boyfriend drank, but Jill didn't know her boyfriend was coming until a few moments earlier. I was glad it was a round table, thinking to myself; 'What awkward seating configuration will we choose?' Not that a large booth or square table would be any better. Jill sat next to Sandy, who sat next to Jason, leaving Gwen and I with the delicate negotiation of choosing the final seating arrangement. I knew what I wanted so I reached for the chair next to Jill.

"I'll sit next to my son," Gwen said, giving his ragged hair a quick tousle as she sat down. She made the move and statement, retaining the dignity of having some sense of control in this out of control situation.

There at the intersection of Jim and Gwen, a neutral zone was established that gave a feeling reminiscent of the cold war era.

"So how long have you known?" I whispered speaking closely into Jill's ear. She pulled slightly away to face me and spoke more loudly than I had.

"What? You think I knew Sandy's boyfriend was your son? She only told me she was dating someone yesterday! I didn't even get a name until we were driving over here, and even then ..." Jill was cut off by Jason interrupting.

"Look, Dad, we knew that you and mom were going through shit...," Jason started.

"LANGUAGE!" Gwen said curtly as she put her hand up to Jason's mouth. 

Jason rolled his eyes at her, casually swatting her hand away and after giving her a sarcastic smile he continued. "We just knew that you had a lot on your plate." He hesitated, looking to Gwen to see if she approved of his modified explanation. "So we've been seeing each other for about a year. We didn't know if it was anything serious, so we didn't want to make it just one more thing you'd have to worry about. We certainly didn't know about you two," he said as he gestured toward Jill and me. 

Sandy picked it up. "Mom, with all the stuff you've been doing with working full time, taking classes, and dating; you didn't need to worry about this either. But things have gotten a bit more serious between us over the past couple of weeks and we thought it was time to let you know. At least before we post it on Facebook." She grinned with youthful vigor.

"Lord knows once it hits Facebook, everybody knows," Jill muttered under her breath just loud enough that I could hear.

Sandy's hand clearly had drifted to Jason's thigh below the table as she moved a bit closer to him. I could see from their knowing glances that they were pretty proud of themselves for having pulled off a slick secret. 

"I guess there are a lot of things this dinner is revealing about the men in my life and the secrets they keep. How long have you been keeping your little secret, Jim?" Gwen chimed, in a deadpan tone.

I started to stiffen, remembering just why it was that Gwen and I had drifted apart. Her cold, calculated jabs at anyone who takes risks, lives life, or wants to do something more than just sit and watch life go by, was instantaneously refreshed in my memory. Just as I began to withdraw, Jill's hand slid over and rested on my knee. It was almost like she sensed my angst and knew just how .. and when .. to temper me. I remember the day I blew up at Ryan in the restaurant. She tugged me to my chair, defusing me before I ended up doing something I'd regret.

The warmth of her hand comforted me and within a moment it had calmed my frustration with my soon-to-be ex. I can't describe the reason since to this day I don't understand how she does it. Maybe Jill is so perfectly balanced to me that when we're side by side I can see things in better perspective. Her nurturing spirit stabilizes me. Everyone should experience this level of intimacy with someone in their lives.

"Jill and I haven't kept anything a secret. We've had dinner in public, gone to functions at the university together, went to Ryan's place for a cookout, and even were pictured together on Facebook," I said as I leaned back a bit and put my arm around Jill's chair. "Sorry if I didn't take time to change my 'Relationship Status' when I logged on last time," I directed at Gwen. Okay, Jill's hand just calmed me. It didn't shut me up completely. I'm sure the mockery was dripping from my comments.

So of course Jill did what she always does; she bailed me out by redirecting the conversation. God, she's good at that. "Jason, tell me about school. What's your major?" 

Jason had barely explained his academic program and shared a little about the university he was attending before the waiter arrived. The discussion moved quickly to the day's specials, saving us all from the weight of talking to each other. 

Following dinner, Jason looked at Sandy. Yeah, I know that look. The look that asks, 'How fast can we ditch these old people and take off?' Sandy had the same look in her eye. 

"Okay, you've done your time. What are you two planning for tonight?" I said to the kids.

"There's a movie we've been wanting to see that starts in an hour. If it's okay, we're taking off," Jason said almost apologetically. "Can I," Jason started, while reaching for his wallet as if he actually had anything in his wallet that didn't come out of my wallet first.

"That's fine. I got this. You two get out of here and have a great time," I replied, assuming it was fine with Jill as well. "What time can I expect you home?" I directed at Jason.

"Ah, well. Just don't wait up," Jason said with a knowing grin.

Sandy got up quickly and came around between Jill's chair and mine. She wrapped her arms around us from behind and hugged us before kissing her mom on the cheek. Before I could say anything, Sandy planted a big kiss on my cheek also before saying, "Don't worry. I never wait up for you two anymore either."

God, Sandy. Can you just stop killing me? 

They started to walk away but hesitated. "Wait, Mom, can we take the VW? Jase came with them." Sandy asked.

"How am I supposta get home?" Jill responded with a wrinkled brow.

"I just thought you'd spend the night at Jim's like you always do," Sandy blurted out. Jill's face went flush at the comment.

I fumbled and spoke quickly, trying to overwrite Sandy's words before they were written down in stone; the stone heart of my ex wife. "I'll take care of your mom," I told Sandy.

"Yeah Dad!" Jason smirked. 

"Wait, that's not what I meant," I said with a bit of frustration. "Will you two just get out." I pointed to the front door.

"No problem." Jason said, taking Sandy's hand and rushing away, her ponytail braid swinging gently behind her.

As the 'children' shuffled through the tables toward the front door and were no longer within ear shot, both women broke into laughter. I could deal with Jill laughing. But Gwen laughing too was a bit unnerving. Could this night get any worse?

"Well, if you've spent the night with him often enough you've probably realized how annoying his snoring is," Gwen chuckled.

"Like a freakin' freight train," Jill laughed.

"More like a jet engine," Gwen continued.

"Yeah, yeah, with an occasional whistle," Jill finished.

"Okay, I get it!" I said, raising my hands to all but shut up both women. "We ALL get it." 

"God Jim, we're all adults here. You don't have to hide things from me like a child. It's not like I don't know you," Gwen lectured.

"Jason seems like a pretty level headed young man. I think they make a cute couple," Jill added.

"Of all the girls he's dated, he seems a whole lot more comfortable with her. They act like they've been together for years," Gwen said.

"So how do we deal with this?" Jill motioned at the three of us. 

"We'll be fine. Look, Jim and I have been over for a lot longer than we've been apart. You can have the snoring bastard," Gwen comically commented as she gathered her things in preparation for leaving.

Exiting the restaurant a few moments later, the women walked side by side ahead of me. The cool evening breeze blew a few spring flower petals across the sidewalk that was now lit by indirect lights that lined the landscaping. They were chatting and carrying on like old lost friends, again bringing me a queasy feeling. Hell! They seemed to like each other. For a moment my mind went completely freaky. I was following the only two women who had ever meant anything to me in life. 

For a brief moment my deranged thought process glanced down and watched their asses. Yes, I was enjoying the view of both women's asses swaying in front of me; comparing my ex wife with my new girlfriend. God, I'm sick. My daydream quickly came into focus. I imagined both of them; side by side, hip to hip, naked on the edge of a bed. They are on all fours and their gorgeous asses are raised high to meet me. As I conjured the mental image of both women submissively offering themselves to me, raising their hips to receive me. I wantonly question if I would fuck Jill doggie style while fingering Gwen or fuck Gwen while trying to lick Jill. I started comparing my memories of each woman and I objectively asked my inner sexual aggression which woman I would prefer. I could feel my own arousal at the thought of having both women at the same time.

I literally stopped for a moment in the middle of the sidewalk and rubbed my eyes. The image of both asses side by side couldn't be wiped away, but at least it was fading.

It got a bit awkward again when we reached the car. Gwen took the high road and stepped to the rear passenger door. I opened it, letting her step in. As the door closed, I moved to help Jill into the front passenger seat. She smiled at me lovingly and I watched her face as the door closed. But as the door latched shut, I glanced at the side view mirror; which gave a perfectly framed reflection of Gwen in the back seat. Yes! This night could get worse!

Dropping Gwen off at her place, I felt the undeniable urge to speed away. But Gwen and Jill drug out their goodbyes, being gracious knowing that our confused relationships shouldn't interfere with the potential relationship of our kids. Gwen swaggered off to her front door as I slipped back into the driver's seat. 

"Oh, God, of all the girls out there, my son falls for your daughter," I said as I mockingly leaned my forehead on the steering wheel. 

Jill found the humor in the whole thing. "I thought you said your ex wife was the 'Queen of Chill'", she commented, looking out the window as Gwen opened the front door of her home and stepped into the darkness.

"She is. I really don't know who that was that we just had dinner with," I said, almost speaking to the steering wheel. 

We sat in quiet for a moment, letting the events of the night sink in.

"So why haven't you taken time to change your Facebook profile to say 'in a relationship'?" Jill casually inquired.

"What?" I sat back up, with both hands still fixed, gripping the steering wheel. I hesitated, not rushing my movements. I was trying to figure out what she meant.

"You said to Gwen that you haven't taken the time to change your relationship status last time you logged on. So is this a relationship or what?" Jill calmly asked.

Now I KNOW she should have been a lawyer. She hears everything. Hope I only snore in my sleep and don't talk too. She'd probably remember every word. "I guess I didn't think we needed to do those cutesy things at our age," I said trying to discount the thought.

"So you're saying this is a relationship? That if we were 18 and 20 like the kids, we would be posting it that way? Just define it for me, please," She pressed.

"What, is this a cross-examination?" I looked over at her, trying to see the detail of her reaction in the dim light. "Okay, yeah. If I was Jason's age, I would have posted it after the cook out." 

"Well, that would have been just far too soon," Jill nonchalantly said.

"God, you're killing me," I nearly shouted out of frustration. First she wants it defined and now she's telling me my definition is off base.

"I would have waited until after the trip to the Cabin cause that's when I knew," she said with a knowing smile.

"You knew?" I asked quickly.

"Yep. That's when I knew I was in love with you," she said nonchalantly.

In that moment, it was almost like the oxygen in the cab of the car had been sucked out completely. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She was using the 'L' word. We had never fully verbalized where the relationship stood. But she used it a bit too casually. "Love?" I asked.

"Oh don't look so shocked. You feel the same way too," she calmly continued.

"Well, I guess I..," I fumbled a few words by way of incoherent response.

"Please!" She turned to look me straight in the eye before confidently continuing, "You fell for me months ago." It was like she knew the truth that I was somewhat unwilling to admit to myself. But she was right. I had fallen for her even before the cook out.

"You know me pretty well don't you?" I asked. A broad smile crossed her face as she leaned in and kissed me. Her hand wrapped around the back of my head. Her fingers playfully ran through my hair. This was our first kiss after admitting that this was more than just a few dates, some casual sex, and someone to have dinner with on Thursdays. Somehow knowing we both felt the same way, this kiss tasted even sweeter.

"So, are you taking me home or do I get to stay at your place tonight?" Jill spoke softly; our lips still so close that we were breathing the same air. It came out in a soft whisper, with a sultry edge that struck a nerve in my heart. She knows the pitch of voice to use to motivate me; some times to calm and sometimes to arouse.

"I guess we'll go back to my place," I stuttered still under the effect of her kiss. 

"Jim, you might want to get going," Jill looked deeply into my eyes as she spoke. I must have hesitated, probably because I was hoping for another wonderful kiss. "Now!" She said, a bit more aggressively.

"Okay. Okay. Why are you in such a hurry?" The close intimacy of the moment was broken by her forceful desire to go ... now!




There She Is Again Ch. 02



She sat back in her seat and cast her gaze on the road in front of us as she spoke. "I just finished lesson six in that video series. You know the one. The one we explored at the cabin," she said in her sexiest voice.

Suddenly I had renewed energy and we got back to my place in record time!

THE NEW ORDER OF THINGS

I got off the elevator and headed to my office, passing the maze of cubicles that contained the occasional employee settling in for the day. I caught a whiff of the coffee brewing in the break room long before I could hear the tell-tale drizzling sound of the Bunn coffee maker. One florescent bulb was fluttering in the hallway, its ballast on the brink of burning out causing an inconsistent light on the tile floors. 

My canter was a bit disrupted due to Jill's experimentation with the techniques of video six. While it sounded wonderful at the time, prostrate massage by a trained expert is probably a lot different from a prostrate massage by someone learning; only having watched a video. By the time she found the right spot and figured out what to do there, I was so worn out that I couldn't enjoy it.

The door closed softly behind me while I found my office chair and sat down. I grimaced a bit at the thought that I might still be leaking some of that lube Jill had used. Seems like you can't ever get that stuff off. I knew it was just the feeling and perception, but I chose to pack an extra pair of underwear just in case.

I sat in relative silence, reflecting on the past few months. As the morning sunlight broke over the height of the building across the street, a stream of sunlight broke through my window. A burst of sunlight came bounding across my desk. It was as if a light switch had turned on in my mind as well as my office. I knew what I needed to do.

"Jim, you in there?" Tad's muffled voice could be heard on the other side of my door.

"Yeah, come on in," I said as I sat up a bit, trying not to look as awkward as I felt.

Tad pushed the door open but didn't come in all the way. He was fumbling with a binder that he held sideways while reading a spreadsheet. Leaning against the doorframe, he spoke without really looking up at me. "Just wanted to update you on the focus group data. Looks like the packaging redesign is a go. Only had one negative response in those surveyed and from the other responses she gave, she probably hates puppies and kittens too."

"Great. What's the target date for retooling and going into production?" I asked.

"Looks like by mid July we'll have things in place. We'll ramp up the production runs in June to build inventory. Taking the hit of being down for swapping out that line won't disrupt shipment flow." 

He started to head back out the door when I stopped him. "Tad. You got a sec?" 

"Sure, what can I do for you?" He re-entered the room and started to sit down.

"Wait. Close the door." Tad furrowed his brow at me as I spoke. Maybe it was the way I said it that made him give me that 'what chue talkin bout Willis' look.

"It's personal," I offered. 

With that Tad closed the door. Throwing his notebook on the side table by the door he sat down. "Okay, shoot," he said.

"I've been thinking a lot about some things and I need some outside advice about some situations." I started, feeling a bit like Jason did as he told me he was dating someone. "There's some stuff going on with me that I think I may have to make some decisions soon."

"Oh, so those some things need someone to sometime in the somewhat distant future to give some advice?" Tad sarcastically mocked my somewhat metered words.

"Cut it out. I'm being serious," I threw at him.

"I am being serious! But you're not giving me a lot to work with here," Tad threw back.

"Okay, so here's the deal," I started. I wasn't looking at directly at him while I paused, trying to capture my thoughts and put it into words.

"Boss?" He mumbled.

"Okay. So I woke up in the middle of the night and looked at Jill," I started.

"Jill stayed over again last night?" Tad asked.

"Yes, and that's the point," I said, wanting to get back to the issue.

"So she's there all the time now," Tad interrupted again.

"Yes, and that's kinda the point." I paused and wondered if he would try to interrupt again but he sat back even further in his chair. He pressed his fingers against each other as he placed his arms on the armrests. "We've been getting kinda close lately. I was looking at her in the dark and thinking that maybe this is how it should be all the time."

"So you're asking me if I think you should ask her to move in with you," Tad interrupted. "Hell, yes." 

"What?" I was caught a bit off guard by his tag line of 'hell yes'.

"Look, Jim, I've never known you to be so happy. You come in here smiling at times even. You're more pleasant to work with in the last few months. And for god's sake, I even heard you whistling the other day." He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees as he continued. "Jim for your sake; and by god for the sake of everyone in this office, please." He waved his hands, gesturing the entire building. ".. please, move in with this woman." He paused long enough to get me to move forward to hear his final comment. "None of us want you to go back to the grizzly bastard you were." With that he threw himself back in the chair, almost propelled back by a gut laugh at my expense.

"Okay, yeah, laugh it up. But I'm being serious," I barked as I stood up and took one of the binders off the credenza. 

"Hell, I am too. What's the problem? Ask her to move in with you already. What are you, 16?" He became a bit more serious.

Standing at my desk chair, I leaned over my desk and tossed some paperwork to the side. "I don't know. I guess things with Gwen started out so good and ended so poorly. I just don't want to screw up again." 

"Jill is nothing like Gwen. Gwen makes you nuts and always did. She must be great in the sack cause that's the only thing I can imagine that would have kept you together that long," Tad pressed. We had never really discussed why I put up with Gwen so long when there were so many problems in our relationship. As he spoke, I couldn't help myself. I started grinning a bit. Tad saw my reaction and pounced. "My GOD! It was sex? She was really that good that you'd put up with all her shit?" 

"You have no idea. She was raw and edgy and very energetic in bed," I mumbled. "But there's something different with Jill. It's not just sex. It's, god, how do I say this? It's the fact that there's intimacy. It's a chemistry thing. A heart thing. It's not just the mechanics of sex, it's ..."

"You're in love." Tad's words stopped me in my tracks.

"Yeah, I guess I am." I couldn't believe my own words. 

THE KEY TO THE RELATIONSHIP

The night had come. It was a big step for both of us, but deep inside I knew it was right. Jill and I were always together so why not just move in together instead of playing this game of overnight bags and running back and forth to our separate places? It just seemed logical to me. I sure hoped it was to her as well. So tonight I would ask her to move in with me. Tonight I wanted make it official that we were together.

My gut was a bit nervous; with butterflies as I drove home. Thoughts of her response ranged from total rejection to moving in before the evening was over. What about her place? What about Sandy? God, what about Sandy and Jason? What about furniture? Where would I stuff some of my personal things? Would she really want to bring that ugly clock that's in her kitchen? If she really wanted that ugly clock, would I love her enough to let her hang it? All the what if's flooded my mind as I drove across town and down the hill leading into our neighborhood.

But even with all of my angst, I was ready. I was tired of being alone and not having someone to share the simple things of life. I charged on, knowing it was what I wanted. God, Tad was right. Nobody had ever made me as happy and content as Jill. I was boldly confident as I drove into the garage. 

But as the garage door was closing, a panic struck my mind. Wait. Jill had such a great relationship with her husband before his death. Was she ready for this move? Was it too soon? Would she reject me? Hell, every time I thought I was ready to make this kind of move, another wave of thoughts flooded past me. Stop second guessing. Stop the self denial. It's time for me to ask her, even at the risk of rejection.

I scurried into the house and began putting things away. For some reason, I felt like the place need to be straightened up before she arrived. Of course being mildly OCD, it didn't take much to get things straightened up; although I gave a frustrated look of distain at the dust on the living room chandelier. But with only a few minutes until she arrived, I just had to hope that Jill wouldn't notice.

Digging through the closet, I remembered something that might work for tonight. I dug through piles of old sports gear and framed pictures of 'the happy family' that I had taken down after Gwen moved out. Underneath an old blanket I pulled it out; I found what I was looking for. I opened a large box that was filled with several smaller boxes. Inside I found just the right sized box. It was a jewelry box just large enough. I knew it was empty, so I quickly opened it and in the slot prepared for jewelry, I gently stuffed a key to the front door of my house. 

I concocted a scheme to present her with the key and watch her reaction before saying anything. It was a perfect plan. Re-entering the living room I slid the box in a drawer of the end table next to the couch. She always sat right in the middle of this couch when she spent time here. I knew it would be ready and waiting for me to ask her to move in with me.

Music playing on the stereo; check. Dirty clothes put away; check. Bed made with fresh sheets; check. Gas fireplace running; not tonight, it's a bit too warm outside. The wine was chilling and the Italian dinners I had picked up from our favorite restaurant were warming in the oven. Key to the house in the end table drawer; check. The only thing left to take care of was Jill; and I was hoping I could take good care of her tonight.

I was digging out wine glasses when there was a knock on the front door. Yes, I admit it. My heart skipped a beat making me fumble the fragile wine glasses. Catching myself before dropping them, I placed them on the countertop next to the wine bottle and opener. This is it. I could sense my own anxiety as I paused for a moment to regain my composure. I took a long, cleansing, deep breath. It was Jill; right on time. Walking to the front door, I shuffled some loose magazines on the coffee table into a more presentable arrangement. 

Opening the door I was a bit shocked. There stood the younger, slightly more reddish haired, version of Jill in the form of her daughter.

"Hey, Jim," Sandy said in her typically chipper voice.

"Sandy? Where's your mom?" I inquired a bit let down that the woman I wanted to see wasn't waiting on my doorstep.

"She's trying to get out of the back seat of the VW," Sandy explained. I looked out to the driveway to see Jason helping her out of the tight rear seat of the small car. And here all these years, I was trying to get girls INTO the back seat!

"Don't stress it. Jason and I aren't staying. We're just dropping off you're 'girlfriend' and getting out of here." Sandy skewed her face to emphasize the word 'girlfriend'. She said it as if it gave her an instant case of nausea. She shot me an exaggerated, wrinkled nose, face just to reiterate. 

I glanced over to the car again; and there she was. Jill was in the driveway talking to Jason as I stood at the front door. They were laughing at something; possibly the clumsiness of getting out of the back seat of such a small car. God, how is it that she has such a hold on my emotions? Why do I all but lose it when she's around? The anticipation of holding her in my arms overwhelms me. 

Somewhere in my lost thoughts while watching her, I realize it's more than just physical attraction. It's the whole package. The banter we share over dinner, the way she concludes my thoughts, the way we look into each other's eyes, the feel of her hand on mine as I rest my hand on the stick-shift while driving; it's the whole ball of wax. It's consuming my thoughts, my mind, my senses. 

I watched as a errant strand of hair fell graciously across her cheek. Watching that strand fall made me glow with desire for her. She casually drew it back, sliding it behind her ear. As she turned slightly her gorgeous face was illuminated with a glow of the fading sun. As a hobbyist photographer, I realize that it is now that golden hour; when the light is just right for shooting. She was gorgeous. Here eyes twinkle as she continued talking to Jason. Then she glanced in my direction and our eyes connected. I couldn't help the schoolboy grin that spread across my face. She responded and glanced downward, possibly embarrassed by the thought that I was watching her; intimately drinking in her beauty. Often I get the impression that she doesn't really realize how lovely she is.

Only a woman with a figure like hers could pull off wearing the skin tight jeans that encapsulates and accentuates her form. For a moment I daydreamed about sliding my hand into her back pockets, feeling the sensation of my fingers pressed against her incredible ass. With simply the sight of her, I knew I had to ask her to move in with me; to make it official that we were a couple. I couldn't risk losing her. All my fear of rejection was overwhelmed by the possibility of spending the rest of my life with this wonderful woman.

"Jim. Jim! JIM!" Sandy was begging for my attention. I came back to reality as Sandy took a playful slap at my cheek. "God, you're ogling my mom!" She exclaimed.

"Yeah, I guess I am," I replied, realizing that I was absorbed in thought of her. Somewhat red faced at being caught, I causally rubbed the stinging flesh of my cheek from the rude awakening.

"That's like, sick!" She slapped me again for emphasis.

Jill started up the walkway. There she was; the most beautiful woman I could ever imagine. As she approached, I realized how much I wanted her. Not just tonight. Not just for some wanton sexual moment. But I wanted her for the rest of my life.

"Mom, ya know what Jim was...," Sandy started.

"Jill. I wondered if he was going to get you out okay," I interrupted and stepped in front of Sandy to give Jill a greeting kiss.

"God, I'm gagging here. This is just cray!" Sandy said as she stomped off toward Jason.

"Thanks Jason!" I shouted as the kids jumped back into the car to head out. I could hear Sandy telling Jason that his dad was a 'sick' something or other as they closed the doors.

"Keep your cell phone on and let me know when you get there," Jill directed at Sandy.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will. Later!" Sandy shouted out the window of the car door.

Jill turned her voice to speak to me directly. "Tell me that you've had the 'birds n bees' talk with Jason," Jill stated calmly as she placed her hand softly on the center of my chest. She looked me straight in the eye as if requiring that I answer.

I was stopped dead in my tracks by the comment. "Well, I.." 

"It's okay. I'm pretty sure Sandy has been mildly sexually active in the past. But I just worry that they pace themselves," Jill explained, now patting my chest with her hand.

"They're pretty level headed kids. I'm sure they aren't rushing things," I calmly stated.

"Level headed kids? Isn't that an oxymoron?" 

"They'll be fine." I tried to reassure.

"They've been dating all this time and just now decided to tell us about it. Now they're talking about dating 'exclusively' and talk about 'getting serious'. Doesn't it worry you at all?" Jill ranted.

"Okay, yes. It does seem like they are moving a bit quickly. But couldn't they say the same about us?" I jibed. She shot back that look that every guy who has ever been in a long term relationship knows. She was put out at me, mildly frustrated, being sarcastic yet not truly mad at me.

We closed the front door and Jill dropped a small overnight bag by the door. "Hope I wasn't being presumptuous, but I thought I might come prepared this time. I'm kinda tired of rummaging around your stuff to try and freshen up in the morning." Jill said as she noticed that I was looking at her bag.

"No, that's fine. I would think we're at a place where it's okay to make some presumptions from time to time," I smiled.

"Something smells wonderful!" she exclaimed walking past the living room couch and toward the kitchen.

"Mario's! Got your favorite. I better go take that out of the oven," I said as I hurried off to the kitchen. "Make yourself at home. You know where everything is." I peeked into the oven to check the progress on dinner as the music changed from XM's Sinatra channel to the Watercolors, Jazz station.

I opened the fridge and pulled out two house salads, putting them on the tray to take into the dining room. Grabbing some hot pads from the drawer next to the oven, I started pulling things out. "If you want a glass of wine, it's... " I was interrupted by Jill setting a glass of wine for me on the counter. She was doing this more and more. Like the day she followed behind me with my brief case and I turned to find her right there. It was becoming our thing. She moves in sync with me sometimes and it drives me crazy. The fluid way she imperceptibly moves in rhythm with me is peaceful to my scattered mind. Others don't seem to notice; they're unaware of how she completes me. But isn't this the way a relationship should be? Yes. The exact opposite of my relationship with Gwen. With her, the only time we were in sync was when we were naked and fucking. 

'She's even finishing my sentences' I thought to myself as I set the dinners on the stove top and picked up the wine. I watched as she leaned back against the countertop on the other side of the galley kitchen. 

She drew her wineglass to her lips and took a small sip, placing it on the counter to one side. "It's almost like I'm starting to finish your sentences," she said as she softly ran her tongue across her lips; cleansing the remaining wine from them.

"To hell with dinner!" I said, throwing the hot pads on the floor. I stepped over and enveloped Jill, kissing her. She staggered a bit at the unexpected overture and fumbled to set her wine glass down to avoid spilling it before joining me in the embrace.

After a few moments of playful groping, she broke the embrace. "Okay, this is nice, but I do need to eat something. I skipped lunch and that smells just divine," she said as she pushed me back a bit.

"You're right. But can we pick it up from right here in an hour?" I said before nibbling her earlobe.

"You're on. Now let's eat," she said shoving me back a step.

We had finished dinner and were sitting on the living room couch just enjoying the music as we talked. She probably had noticed that I was as anxious as a fourth grade boy on Valentine's Day, keeping a special card hidden for a special girl. But I couldn't wait any longer.

She had settled into the middle of the living room leather couch. It quickly became her favorite place in the house. No matter where I sat on the couch with her, she was next to me. She was a bit cold blooded and would often cuddle up next to me. I quickly grew to love our cuddle time on the old leather couch. So completely different from the queen of cold that had once ruled the kingdom. Gwen would only get next to me when she wanted sex. I'd be ignored for weeks until she got the itch. Don't get me wrong. When she did want sex; it was wild and wonderful. But it truly didn't make up for the long droughts between.




There She Is Again Ch. 02



Jill seemed to always want to be touching me. Her touches weren't overt, blatant touches based on insecurity. You've seen those couples. Clinging to each other as if in a perpetually necessary effort to prove that they were still together; maybe to others but mostly to themselves. Jill's touch was different. It was often casual and subtle. People around us might be totally unaware. Those gestures and glances that made stimulating connections between our souls were simple and discrete. It made me feel wonderful.

As she sat back in the middle of the couch, I knew it was the right time. I moved her wine glass to one side as I sat down directly in front of her on the coffee table. The direct position grabbed her attention as her expression revealed. Her eyes widened and she sat up a bit, preparing herself for whatever it was that was important enough for my posturing. 

"Okay. Jill. We've been seeing each other for a while now. And I want you to know that I'm ready - er, I think we're ready. Oh hell, how do I say this?" I fumbled the words through my lips as I took her hands in mine. A look of utter confusion came over her face as she tried to interpret my utterances.

Finally I just reached over to the end table and grabbed the box containing the key to the house. I pulled it out and placed it in her hands. "Here. This is what I want to talk to you about." 

A shocked look came over her face. She held her breath as she opened the box. Then there was silence.

"You fuckin asshole!!" she yelled. Without warning she started beating at my chest. I was utterly unprepared as her fists struck home. My eyes widened as I thought she was being sarcastic; playful even. But then the blows started hurting. Before I knew it she was thrashing at me and screaming. "You fuckin', god damned, asshole!" she shouted. 

She shoved me back so hard that her wine glass that I had set to one side shook and almost toppled over as she stood up and walked away from me. She was stomping off to the front door as if she was leaving. Then like reversing gears she turned suddenly and threw the box at me, striking me in the chest. She turned again and grabbed at the overnight bag by the door, shoving a few of her things into the bag and zipping it shut with exaggerated movements. 

"Jill. What's wrong? I gave you a key to the house because I want to ask you to move in with me," I exclaimed, trying to find out what was wrong. I stood and followed her, grabbing her from behind. "Please don't walk out. Tell me what's wrong!"

She turned to face me, with frustrated anger in her expression. "Don't you get it? You're such a guy. You didn't think about the fact that you just handed me a box shaped like a RING box? Did it ever occur to your Neanderthal mind that I might think you were asking me something else?" She said in a confused voice mixed with anger.

Oh my god. What the hell was I thinking? It was a ring box. She must have thought I was asking her to marry me when she opened that box. "Jill, please. Wait. Please forgive me. I wasn't thinking." I was crushed at the thought that I had just disappointed the woman that I loved due to my insensitivity.

As she turned to the front door, I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind and drew her to me. She was somewhat stiff in her stance. "You're damn straight you weren't thinking," she said with a harsh tone. She moved slightly up and down on her heels; pulling her arms into her sides and putting her hand over her face. I could sense she was thinking; considering her next move. She squirmed a bit in my arms like a four year old trying to run toward an ice cream truck. Sometimes like she wanted to get away and other times like she wanted to be held.

Then as she calmed down, she finally spoke again. "You want me to move in with you? Is that what you just said?" She did hear me. She hears everything and keeps it stored for when she needs it.

"That's what the key is for," I said softly to the back of her head. "It's to that door right in front of you. I want you to move in with me."

"This door right here?" She said with almost impish charm in her voice.

"That's the one," I whispered, letting my lips fall against her head.

"Here, in your house," With each sentence, she relaxed a bit more. 

"No," I replied. She turned quickly to look at me, to read my facial expressions and understand what I was saying. "I mean I want you to move in here, and make it OUR house." I said with authority.

She kissed me. It was one of those kisses that you can tell your partner is thinking about something far deeper than the act of kissing. As we kissed, I could see that she held her eyes open and was searching mine. Even in the act of kissing me she was investigating my intent. But then her eyes closed and the focus was no longer on thoughts of rings, keys, and moving in. The focus was on the intimate act of our kiss. Her right hand slid up the side of my head letting her fingers plow through my hair.

Eventually she pushed back on me. Looked me dead in the eye and through a final sniffle to compose herself she stated. "I'll think about it," She rubbed her nose with her forefinger, composing herself from the mild meltdown she had just experienced before walking away from me.

"What?" I asked in confusion as the roller coaster started down a second hill. "Wait, .. What?"

"I'll think about it," she stated directly as she walked half way across the room. She paused at a small secretary desk that separated the entrance to the dining room from the living room. Tugging on a box of tissues, she took four or five to wipe her nose and eyes.

"What's there to think about?" I asked. "Do you love me? You said yourself that you knew we were in love. So what exactly is there to think about?"

"I still have some questions that need to be resolved before we make this kind of step," she said moving back toward the coffee table. She took the wine glass in her hands and sipped from it before setting it back in place.

"GOD, I'll never understand women!!" I nearly shouted in frustration to the ceiling. "So when will you tell me?"

"I'll tell you when I know for certain!" She said calmly, tossing her bag back down next to the door. 

Jill walked confidently toward the kitchen, shoving her hands into her back pockets as she went. Her hips gently swayed in rhythm with her steps. I stood amazed at how she looked to me. She reached to the light switch for the kitchen overhead lights and slid the dimmer down until there was just a glow. She leaned her hips back against the counter and looked back into the living room at me.

"Well?" She said in a sultry, soft voice.

"Well what?" I asked. "You obviously don't want to talk about this."

"That's not what I mean," she shot back quickly.

"Well what then?" I tried to contain the disappointment I was feeling at how poorly I had orchestrated this fiasco. 

"Didn't you say we'd pick it up right here in an hour?" She said playfully. 

Maybe it isn't a roller coaster after all. More like one of those rides that jerks you from one side to the other so rapidly that you get whiplash. But what the hell; I didn't need a second invitation. I about climbed over the couch and end tables to get to the kitchen, tripping on the dining room throw rug on my way. She giggled and covered her mouth as I recovered from my stumble and by the time I arrived had settled into a gentle smile. I embraced her and raised her up to sit on the counter as she squealed in amusement.

With her sitting on the counter, I moved in between her legs. She crossed her bare feet behind me, drawing me into her. I began kissing along the side of her neck, feeling the warmth of her skin on my lips. She took one hand and drew her hair to one side, rolling her head to that side as well. She exposed her neck to my kisses and I rewarded her with a long, lingering, lick up the tense neck muscle that lead to the underside of her jaw and her ear. 

She took my face in both of her hands and we began to kiss again. The caress of her hands across my cheeks as we kissed was euphoric. As we kissed, I slowly unbuttoned each button of her blouse; one by one. I wasn't in a rush. I wanted to savor the moment; taking pleasure in her kiss as well as the feeling of her blouse gradually opening. My fingers groped in the dim shadows. I tugged her blouse open. Ah yes. I loved this bra she was wearing. Simple white lace that barely contained her breasts. No shoulder straps, just a wrap around her torso.

I knew just how to release the small metal hooks that stood between me and the prize. I slid my hands around her torso. The heat of her body trapped inside the blouse radiated against my fingertips. I could feel the soft flesh of her torso and behind her, my palms rested flat against the warm flesh of her back. I pressed her torso toward me, tightening the embrace. Her breasts pressed against my chest taking my breath away. As we kissed one of her hands slid behind my head, gripping the back of my head to assure I would never stop. If I had my way, I never would. The bra snapped open easily and began to fall gradually in surrender. 

She released her grip on my head, but not the kiss; long enough to aid me as I tugged her blouse off her shoulders. As we wrestled her blouse off, that thin band of hair that had been tucked behind her ear fell forward and graced my face. With a final tug, the blouse was completely free from her arms and I tossed it aside. Jill started to return her hands to my head, but I grabbed her hands. Gripping her hands in mine, I stretched her arms upward and slightly to each side; pressing them against the cabinet doors behind her.

"Awh..," she gasped in delight as I gripped her hands firmly. She pulled her face away from our kiss to gasp for air; her head fell back against the cabinet door. So I began kissing her chin and down the front of her neck. As I reached her collar bone, my kiss turned into a lavish lick. The stretch of her neck to one side and her arms raised, caused her collar bone to stand out; making a dimple spot next to her neck. I dug my tongue into the soft depression then licked my way back to her earlobe.

Jill's chest began to raise and lower as she sucked air into her lungs. Her breasts were incredible in this light. I loved the sight of her breasts; full and round but not exaggerated like the fake trophy wives I see at work. She was a real woman. Her age only enhanced her beauty to me. I slid my hands down Jill's arms, still pressing them against the cabinet door. I needed to reach those lovely breasts. I lowered my head in worship of her beauty and let my face seek the softness of her. Gently kissing down her sternum my cheeks gradually felt her flesh on both sides of my face. The warmth was undeniably erotic.

I released her arms so that I could draw my attention to her torso. Gripping her torso on each side of her; just enough to feel the side of each breast in my palms, I buried my face into her. She glanced down to watch my head dig into the warm space between her breasts. Her hips began that undeniable movement that I knew was a sign she was becoming truly aroused. She pulled her arms around my head, all but smothering me in her warmth. Her head fell back against the cabinet door with a gentle thud.

"God that feels amazing," she whispered as she let her face drift to one side. Her mouth was still agape, her expressions changing with each inch of the flesh I was kissing.

I didn't want to speak. I was so absorbed by the feeling of my face being enveloped in her warm breasts. I began unbuttoning my shirt and tugging at the sleeves to pull it away from me while letting her continue to grip my head in her arms. The movement made her realize I was undressing and she paused to help me. Since we had paused momentarily, I chose to go even farther; I quickly unbuckled my pants and began tugging them off before returning my attention to my lovely partner.

Looking her straight in the eye, I began unbuttoning her jeans. The look of delight on her face was all the encouragement I needed. She put her hands on the countertop on each side of her and raised herself up. Her wicked grin gave my instruction. I pulled her jeans and panties off together and knelt down to navigate them over her ankles. The porcelain skin of her legs draped before me from the edge of the countertop. So I stayed on my knees and let my cheeks run along her right shin. I gripped her calves, permitting me to direct the angle of her legs against my ribs. Her feet playfully rubbed against my hipbone.

I raised slightly, just enough to let my face reach her knees. The soft flesh just to the inside of her kneecaps became my new focus. She looked down at my head as I toyed and licked her knees; it caused her to gently spread her legs. I looked up at her, to gain her approval as my hands explored her thighs. I took the movement of her legs, opening to me, as an invitation. I licked the length of her inner thigh with the flat of my tongue. I could see the reaction; it was what I had hoped for. She shuttered a bit before her hips began their subtle movement of desire. Her thighs had been pressed against the countertop with her weight. But through the course of my lick, her muscles tightened and she raised her hips enough that I could see the soft triangular fur that covered her mons. I could see her hands grip the edge of the countertop with anticipation. 

Reaching behind her, I drew her hips to the edge of the counter. She shifted willingly. She knew what I was preparing to do. That wicked expression returned to her face as she reached down between her legs and grabbed her own feet. Pulling them upward to the edge of the counter and holding them there, her arms pressed her legs open, exposing her intimacy to me. 

It was too sacred to attack or devour. I was kneeling before the woman I loved and she was giving herself to me. So I treasured the moment. I patently approached her letting my cheeks slide down her inner thigh. I licked gently at the raised muscle between her thigh and mons. I let my nose softly push against her clitoral hood, and then rocked my chin forward to let my lips softly press against her labia. I kissed her; then let my tongue gently part her labia.

Her hips arched upward to meet my mouth. I could see her close her eyes and rest her head back against the cabinet door again. So I pressed more firmly. My tongue pushed between her folds and penetrated her. 

She sucked in a deep breath, letting her mouth remain open as she moaned. "Oh god..." I knew she loved to be penetrated by my tongue. But I knew she enjoyed something else far more. I took the wetness of her labia, now on my tongue and licked upward to where her hood hid her clitoris. Letting my tongue saturate her hood, I then gently put my lips together on the top of her hood and lightly sucked.

I knew from her reaction that I had rediscovered the exact location that causes her such pleasure. Her hips shivered against my mouth. I knelt there gently sucking slowly, drawing her into the space between my lips and out again. The movement of her hands on my head would occasionally pause as she would drift off into her own pleasure. Then as if she suddenly remembered me, she would then return to massaging my scalp with her fingertips as I continued pleasing her. I knew that with just the right patience, I could make her climax several times during our encounters; each one more explosive than the one before. For a moment I imagined what that must be like since guys seem to lose stamina after they ejaculate.

Jill was in the throws of near orgasm when I thought I'd aid her along. I continued my gentle sucking as I softly penetrated her with my middle finger. The sensation captured her unprepared. A soft, guttural moan fell from her lips as a smile spread across her face. Running my fingerprint inside her along the front of her vagina until I found the rough, callous like oval that I knew drove her crazy. My fingertip gradually stroked that spot that didn't feel like the rest of her vagina. With each pass her hips began to rock into my face. Within moments she began to shiver as her torso writhed with a wave of pleasure. The grip on my head tightened in her hands.

"Euh... ... yes..., " she started before reaching the climax; then it struck. "GOD yes!" She all but shouted as the wave passed through her body. Her hips bounced slightly, grinding against the finger inside her body; intentionally using my hand to complete her pleasure. Her breathing deepened and she let out a long exhale as if she had been only breathing in for several minutes.

While she was still in the aftermath of her orgasm, I stood up and began kissing her. My cock felt the cold countertop between her legs. But not for long. "I need you... please" I begged before kissing her; letting my tongue plunge into the pleasurable warmth of her mouth. But I didn't have to beg too hard, she knew it to. I felt her hand envelop my cock, guiding me to just the right spot. She rubbed the head of my cock up and down along her slit, wetting me with her juices before letting go and gripping my shoulder and neck.

"This is what you need, isn't it baby?" I was a bit taken back by her forwardness. We had never used the common slang such as 'baby' or even pet names for each other. But the seductive way she spoke caused me to want her even more; and now.

I plunged into her, feeling the warm rush of pleasure that cascaded across my entire body. The pressure of the edge of the countertop caused a unique sensation as I thrust a second time. She sensed it too. That wicked grin returned but it morphed into an expression of shear pleasure as I took my third stroke. I was just warming up; getting the right position for me to start repeated thrusts into her. Finding the right angle and approach was important. I wanted this climax to rival any other I had ever experienced with any woman.

"Easy." I hadn't expected her to speak. She usually is fairly quiet as I fuck her; other than the occasional moan of enjoyment. I slowed my pace and looked into her eyes. "Remember our first lesson at the cabin. If you feel like you need to cum, slow down and wait. I want this to last a while." She was caressing my cheek as she spoke and concluded by kissing me.

I nodded in agreement, unable to speak since all of my energy and will had been poured into my sexual aggression. She took my chin and directed my eyes to hers. "You promise?" She said playfully.

"Um hum" I mumbled and kissed her again.

As I was gripping her hips in my hand, steadily fucking her I felt the familiar sensation deep at the base of my cock. I knew what it was. I was on the brink of ejaculating. I took a deep breath. She realized where I was and grinned at me, she tilted her head a bit as if to say, 'what did I tell you?'. So I slowed and paused with just the head of my cock inside her. I exhaled and calmed my breathing letting the sensation inside me begin to dissipate.

"Very good... you're learning," she said with a air of personal achievement. She kissed me deeply, letting her tongue dig deeply into my mouth. I savored her, knowing that by being patient I was pleasing her.

As I reestablished control of myself, I felt secure enough to begin again. My strokes were more focused this time, trying to feel and recognize the sensation of her vagina gripping my cock. I bent my knees slightly; they struck the cabinet door below us; so I repositioned my stance for another round. This time she leaned back slightly and rested her back on the cabinet door behind her. She raised one arm behind her and steadied herself by gripping the surface of the cabinet behind her. Her face was partially covered by her raised arm, but this angle exposed her gorgeous breasts to my view as I started stroking into her again. 




There She Is Again



"Not if I see you first," she snickered.

I took off for class enjoying the thought of Jill. But now I was a bit worried. I hadn't really reviewed my lecture notes because we had spent so much time chatting over dinner. Students filed into the small lecture hall that seated far more than my student load. I had enough time to dump my PowerPoint notes on the computer tied into the video projection system in the room. Placing my iPad on the stand, I started pulling out graded papers to pass out as the students continued to arrive. 

As 7 pm hit, I turned from the small table holding my brief case and papers, to head for the lectern. I looked out across the room of students to see how many showed up today and there she was. Jill had taken a seat in the back of the room and had pulled out a spiral notebook, waiting with more anticipation than any of the students actually registered for the class. I tried not to react to her presence but deep inside the same indescribable feelings emerged. This school boy just got his 'do you like me?' note passed back to him. It may not have been circled 'yes', but it at least felt like she had written in "maybe'!

"Let's begin," I said trying not to smirk, "where we left off last week and continue our discussion on the definitions of venture capitalism and it's impact on economic trends." I started lecturing just as I always would but smiled each time I caught the eye of Jill. Just enough to let her know that I was aware of her presence. For the next hour and a half the class continued as I tried to concentrate on the subject, knowing Jill was watching me. I hoped the other students didn't catch on that much of my lecture was directed to one student. From my lectern, the brighter lights made it difficult for me to see her eyes and attempt to read her thoughts. But she was writing furiously in her notebook as I lectured.

As the class ended, one of my more needy students grabbed me at the front of the lecture hall with a question concerning the term paper assignment that would be due in a few weeks. By the time I had clarified a few reference requirements for the paper, Jill had already slipped out of the room and was gone.

IT'S THE QUIET THAT GETS TO YOU.

The rattle of the garage door could still be heard in the background as it was closing when I entered the kitchen. Lights on a timer in the living room let a mild glow reflect off the porch window, leaving enough light to get around. I dropped a few bills on the corner of the kitchen counter before tossing my brief case on the dining room table. I just didn't have the desire to look though bills when all I could think about was Jill and what she was thinking about. Why had she taken the time to sit in on my class tonight? Maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

Feeling the effect of the long day of being at the office early in the morning and then teaching a class tonight, I thought a hot shower would relax me. Hot showers always help me think; they seem to clear my brain. Some of my best and most creative approaches to address issues in my work world were resolved under the flow of hot water.

Flipping on the lights in the master bathroom I reached in to turn on the water, letting it run to bring it to temperature. I undressed and threw my clothes toward the laundry basket. Missing it entirely, the clothes bounced to one side. I was too tired to even let my OCD demand that I correct my mistake. I just stared at the pile for a moment with a dull, uncaring look. 

Finally I turned my attention to the shower. Stepping in, the warmth of the water felt fantastic running over my shoulders and down my back. I let my body drink in the warmth and the sensation of the steam surrounding me. Looking through the glass shower door, now turned opaque by the steam, I rubbed my eyes. At first, the drips of the water and steam made the image of the sink counter reveal an odd distortion. Well that's what I tried to convince myself. The image that I saw was more of a memory than a reality. It was the counter of the sink covered by makeup jars, brushes, facial cleansers, and curling irons. It was just a memory of my life before Gwen moved out.

I wiped my hand across the glass, brushing away the steam, revealing a truer image of the counter. It was barren; a real metaphor for my life right now. There was nothing there now; save for the reflection of my own image in the large mirror over the sink. Once again the depressed feelings I had claimed were behind me, washed over my emotions like the shower washing over my shoulders. Gwen was gone. A year later, maybe I should just accept it and move on with my life.

After toweling off in front of the mirror, I folded the towel carefully and placed it over the towel rod; in the center, being sure all corners were even. I guess the hot shower brought my OCD back.

Laying in bed the darkness crept in. With it came the silence. Once again I was alone.

In half asleep stupor, I began thinking of Jill. The thought of that sliver of flesh around her knee that had been exposed by the rip in her jeans came to mind. I was transported to the moment I first saw her wear those jeans. For some reason in my fantasy, I was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the long row of bench seats at Panera. Jill was carrying a coffee mug toward me when I looked up. She sat on the bench next to where I was seated on the floor. 

After placing the mug on the table next to us, Jill raised one leg up over my head and sat on the bench behind me as I still sat on the floor, leaning back. Her legs were drawn up close to my shoulders. When I glanced to my right, I was just inches away from her exposed knee. I could all but smell the fresh fragrance of her flesh. I put my arm up over her right thigh, drawing her knee closer to me. I could almost feel the warmth of her leg against my side as I let my head rest on her thigh.

My lips kissed her exposed flesh. I always found intimate pleasure in little things; the curve of a woman's neck, the soft skin between a woman's breasts, the feel of a woman's hair being run through my fingers, and of course the pleasure of a simple kiss. As I kissed her softness, I could sense my own arousal. Jill's hand came to rest on my head as I ran my hands across her leg.

"You know why I came to your class tonight?" she asked as she playfully ran her hand across my head. It was rhetorical. I didn't plan to answer her. I just continued kissing her leg. But I did turn my attention to her inner thigh, clad in jeans next to me. She gently spread her legs to accommodate.

"I came tonight because you intrigue me. I don't know if it's something real or not. So I just thought I'd test the waters and see if there was something there." As she continued, I listened intently but kept my focus on the sensation of her thigh against my face. "You've had the same thoughts too, haven't you?"

All I could do was to respond with a mild, somewhat guttural, "Yes."

My response made her smile down at me momentarily before resting her head back against the bench as I ran my face along the inseam of her jeans. My nose pressed gently into her thigh, nudging closer to the zipper of her jeans. 

I gradually turned around and found myself on my knees in front of her. Both my arms were now up over her legs and I could see my hands unbuttoning her jeans. The waistband pulled away as I tugged gently on the zipper, exposing black lace panties that barely covered her.

Sitting up on my knees, I tugged at her waistband. I could see the smile of approval that spread across her face. "You are thinking the same thing I'm thinking!" she exclaimed softly as she raised her legs and pulled them together, letting me remove her jeans.

I tossed them to the side, almost knocking the coffee cup over. She rested back down in her seat, still wearing the panties. But they wouldn't pose too great an obstacle. They were small, soft, and very sheer. 

As she settled in again, I went back to what had been working for me. I continued kissing the soft white flesh of her skin along her thighs. She rested back with her eyes searching the ceiling as I pleasured her. My hands explored her hips; the curves, the sensation of her hip bone pressing against her flesh, and her movements beneath my face. My head settled in between her legs and I bit at the waistband of her panties playfully. She returned one hand to the top of my head, guiding me, pressing me lower. She spread her legs as wide as possible as my mouth found the sheer material that separated my lips from her labia. With a full tongue, pressed flat against her panties I licked firmly. I glanced up to see her reaction and found a slightly open mouth. Jill's eyes rolled back into her head slightly as she softly lifted her hips to my tongue.

I move in more closely to her. My kisses started at her waistband and gently worked up her torso. As I went, I unbuttoned each button of her shirt, kissing the next few inches of exposed flesh. As I reached the last button, her shirt fell back exposing her breasts. She was braless and clearly aroused. Her lovely nipples gracefully raised into the air. I couldn't help myself as I leaned forward and took a large portion of her breast into my mouth. Her nipple pressed against the flat of my tongue and I began to suck softly. Her hand reached behind my head, drawing my face to her breast. But I couldn't stop there. 

I continued kissing up the flesh above her breast, lingering only a few moments to suck gently on her collar bone before reaching her neck. She let her head fall to one side, all but inviting me to continue with a look of exhalation as I nibbled gently on her earlobe. Raised up completely on my knees now, my cock pressed against her panties. I continued kissing as I felt her hands fumbling to unbuckle my belt.

The warm sensation of her hands surrounding my penis was astounding. My hips responded without being told to move. With each stroke of my cock through her hands, the head pressed against her panties. The material felt a bit rough against the soft, sensitive head of my cock. 

Jill rolled her head to face me, bringing my kisses along her cheek to her lips. As my tongue penetrated her lips, I felt her hands fumbling to tug her panties to one side. Free of the obstruction, my cock struck home immediately and the wetness of her labia let my cock plunge in deeply after a few short strokes.

As I began pressing my hips into Jill, kissing her deeply and pulling her hips out further on the edge of the bench to permit even deeper penetration, I could hear someone else in the room. A voice from behind me spoke. "It's okay. This is a good thing." 

I turned my head to see who it was and in the shadows I could see the outline of someone standing behind me. It was Gwen. 

At that moment, music started playing; gently at first but rapidly increasing in volume. It was somewhat familiar, but I couldn't place it at first. And as I groggily looked around and cleared my fog, I realized I had been dreaming. There I was, in bed with my hand plunged down my pants, gripping my own cock, masturbating in my sleep.

I groaned momentarily as I realized none of this was real. Jill was not in front of me and I wasn't about to enjoy the pleasure of making love to a woman that has so infatuated my mind.

I tried to rest back in the bed after finally turning off the musical alarm. But my fantasy dream had been too clear and my erection too overwhelming. I closed my eyes and continued the pleasurable thoughts of Jill as I pushed my boxers down below my hips and began to stroke my cock. Within moments of imagining my cock penetrating Jill, I became aware of the internal sensation of my own release. I raised my hips to meet the grip of my fist as warm clusters of cum fell warm across my chest. 

Still stroking to enjoy every last drop of my cum being released, I collapsed into the sheets. My legs fell open exposing my now slightly wet cock to the cool air of the room. A mild, somewhat late, spasm went through my hips as I gently came to rest.

God, I'm such a loser. Alone, thinking about some girl I barely knew, and masturbating at the thought of her. Was I becoming the single, perverted, creep that hangs around restaurants and waits to beat off a the thought of a pretty woman? I hope not. 

WOULD SHE BE THERE?

A week had passed and I had waited with anticipation for my regular night of dinner next to Jill. I arrived at the normal time only to find her regular table was empty. I was frankly a bit disappointed by the fact that she wasn't there, but let's get real. I'm sure she has a life and I'm just some acquaintance she knows from a coffee shop. It was kind of strange how quickly my day went from anticipation to depression. My whole demeanor changed in the moment I realized she wasn't there. I got my regular items and sat down to complete my regimental routine. 

About fifteen minutes later, I could sense that one of the employees was hovering nearby. "Can I freshen that coffee for you sir?" I heard from slightly behind me. 

"Sure" I responded as I looked up. Smiling ear to ear was Jill in her golden shirt with the company logo.

"Drinking your regular coffee? Light blend?" she asked.

"Yes, please," I replied as she swiftly took my mug from my hand. I watched her slip through the crowd and head toward the kitchen area. I didn't even continue looking at my notes, anticipating the fact that Jill would be heading back momentarily. Intentionally, I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to suppress my nervous excitement at the thought of her.

A few moments later she returned with a hot cup of coffee and took a seat at my table. "I had to work over because my shift replacement was late getting here. She had a doctor's appointment." she explained. It seemed almost normal for her to feel free to take a seat at my table I thought as she slipped into the bench across from me.

"So you decided to pop into my class unannounced last week?" I inquired as she settled into her seat.


"Well, I couldn't tell you I was coming because you'd probably charge me for auditing the class." She grinned.

"Hope you enjoyed the dialogue. Of course there wasn't much dialogue when three of the students were snoring during the class." I spoke with self-deprecating sarcasm. 

"Come on. It was exactly what I expected. Far more enlightening than Gruber could ever offer." she had leaned forward to speak as she arranged a few of my books on the table into a neat stack.

I couldn't tell if it was a college student wanting to talk to a prof, a woman talking to a friend, or a gorgeous woman sitting down to eat dinner with a man she liked. To be honest, it didn't matter to me. Either way, I was once again enjoying the company of Jill.

She quickly rattled off five questions in a row related to the lecture I had given the previous week. With her energy and enthusiasm, the thought ran through my brain that I hoped it wasn't a sexual advance she was making. With her energy, I'd probably have a hard time keeping up with her. She obviously had been listening intently to my lecture and asked informed questions related to the issues I raised in the session. I loved the look in her eyes as she continued. The passion and energy was pretty exciting. For the next hour we discussed the balance of corporate social and fiscal responsibility.

As true 'dinner time' rolled around Jill took off for a moment to change into her regular clothes in the back room. Since the crowd had died off a bit, I went ahead and got in line for dinner. On a whim, I bought the meal for her that I had seen her most often get. The young lady at the counter even recognized that I was sitting with Jill and gave me the employee discount. As Jill returned she found a buzzer/coaster on the table at her seat. "Got you the regular. Is that okay?" She smiled and took her seat. But she sat down slowly. 

"Thank you. But I can afford to get that." she said solemnly. 

"Hey, it's okay. I wanted to buy dinner for the only person who has ever attended one of my classes that didn't HAVE to attend one of my classes." I tried to joke. 

As dinner arrived and we were eating, it was only then that she told me how her family had tried to convince her that she wasn't going to make it on her own, that women needed to be taken care of and supported rather than work and be self sufficient. Jill had a loving extended family and they weren't very encouraging of her desire to seek a college education and venture out on her own. But they were a generation behind in their thinking about women. She felt a little proud of the fact that she was making it just fine after her husband's death, including being able to pay her own way.

"We can all use a friend from time to time" I finally offered. But I guess she didn't realize that I meant that as much for my sake as hers.

As the next few weeks passed, each Thursday we found ourselves having dinner together. Sometimes we sat side by side at two different tables but in the same long bench-booth seat near the windows. Or more often than not, we were together at a larger table. It was just a lot of fun getting to know Jill. So much so that I started to let go of the shell I had put up after Gwen moved out. The cold, numb feeling I experienced during the previous year began to warm with each encounter with Jill. Maybe it was just good to be human again.

THE FACULTY DINNER

I smiled reflexively when I saw her look my direction. From where I stood waiting in line for my weekly caffeine fix, she looked up and recognized me. Patiently waiting for the customer in front of me who clearly couldn't make up his mind as to what he wanted, I glanced over and Jill was giving me a few of the universal signs for impatience. She rolled her eyes as her head fell backward, waving for me to hurry, and once even acted like she had fallen asleep. I couldn't help but laugh out loud as she slouched over in her seat. The customer in front of me turned and gave me an odd look but I just couldn't help it. Her playful and youthful spirit was simply adorable. I get so much 'straight laced and buttoned down' attitudes at work that it was refreshing just to have some fun.

I got my coffee and arrived at our regular table. She lay across the table as though she had passed out. So much so that I had to lift her arm and move it to find a place to set my coffee down. 

"Okay, okay... yeah, I know I'm late today." 

"Oh, Jim, you're here." she said in a fake, sleepy voice. "Okay, sit down ... I have a question," she announced. She had completely shifted gears and was bubbling in her normal persona. And the tutoring continued almost as if a week hadn't passed. Admit it or not, I liked it.

After an hour of answering her economics questions, she stood up and announced, "I'm going to grab some soup for dinner. What do you want? And I'm buying tonight!" She spoke with authority. 

"Okay. I'll have the same." I knew how good it made her feel to be able to pay her own way that I let her pay for the light dinner. And of course I knew from the prior week just how good the employee discount was. 

She headed off to get dinner for us as I started digging through some of my campus mail that I had picked up at the faculty offices. Announcements about sabbaticals, dates for programs and guest speakers, and the normal routine stuff in preparation for graduation filled the pile before me. She returned with food quickly which surprised me. Just an hour or so ago, it took me forever to get through line. I had to hurry and clear some space for the bowls of soup and bread. 

"How did you get served so quickly," I asked. 

"I know the cooks... duh?!." she spit back. Great wit and great fun.

We were eating our soup and bread as I opened another envelope. It was an invitation. I threw the envelope down when I realized it was the regular invitation for the annual faculty retirement dinner. "You and a guest are invited." I read sarcastically. "Yeah, that works for us separated guys." I mockingly added. "Thanks for the great reminder of how screwed up my life is!" I continued, all but talking to the inanimate envelope. 




There She Is Again



"What is it?" Jill asked, glancing down at the torn invitation. 

"It's an annual invitation to a faculty dinner for the business department. They give out awards for excellence in teaching and recognize the retirees. It's just one of those formalities that I have to put up with since I teach a few classes each year." I muttered. 

We sat in quietness for a moment. Okay, I'm not sure why, but I just casually asked. "You wouldn't want to go with me to this thing would you?" At that, she about spit out the soup she was sipping. She put the spoon down and didn't look up for a moment.

"God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that ... like a date or anything." Yeah, great Jim, dig yourself in deeper. She went from the shock of me asking her to the faculty dinner to a look of surprise. She gave me this look that spoke a full sentence; 'What, am I not good enough to date?' "No, I didn't mean it like that either, I mean, I'd be more than happy to ask you out on a date ... errr.. you're very attractive, but that's not what I, ... well, .. Maybe I should just shut up now." I looked away to avoid digging myself any further into the ditch. Possibly I had gone too far this time by letting the things I felt about Jill surface to reality. For a moment, the thought of her grabbing her things and moving to a different table crossed my mind. But fortunately she broke the silence.

"I'd love to go to the dinner with you." she said softly. After hesitating for a moment, I looked back at her and she had a mild smirk on her face. Her expression was utterly adorable. I think she completely enjoyed the fact that I had just placed myself in an awkward situation. 

"Are you sure? They don't have pecan braids or French bread." I tried to make light of the food that we had eaten every week for nearly the whole semester.

"What time should I be ready?" she asked as she scanned the invitation. I couldn't tell if she was still just enjoying the corner I had painted myself into or if she was smiling because I had asked her out. But she sounded like she was seriously accepting the notion of going to the dinner with me. 

I thought I'd give her one more opportunity to bail out without hurting my feelings. "You do realize a lot of the other profs know I'm married. It might be awkward for you to go to this thing with me." 

She smiled a bit more, leaning in toward me. "I said I'd go with you. I'd enjoy going with you. I don't care what other people think." She spoke confidently. 

"It's Tuesday night. I'd pick you up at six." 

"Is it formal or casual?" she asked more calmly. 

"Semi formal. Business suits and ties, dresses but not 'party' dresses for the women." I replied. 

"Great. I'll be waiting for you. I live at the Riverfront Condos downtown just off Market street. Unit 8." And before I knew it, I had a dinner date. Maybe it was a dinner date, or maybe it was just a friend to go to dinner with. Frankly I wasn't really sure.

I went to work Tuesday with a giddy anticipation of what would take place that night. The whole weekend had been filled with tasks that seemed like obstacles between the present moment and the moment I could pick up Jill. I wasn't sure if this was a date or just two friends going to dinner. But either way I was okay with the outcome. I didn't have to go to a stuffy dinner and be bored to death by the lack of company. 

I left work a bit early to drop by the house and change. Grabbing a typical dark blue business suit out of the closet I found myself at the bathroom mirror trimming my mustache and making sure I'd be at least a bit attractive to Jill. I turned to walk out and started to flip the light switch but paused. God, how long had it been since I was on an actual date? I was 21 when we got married; barely out of college and starting grad school. It's been a long while. I took one last look at the mirror and thought, well, I better get on with it. I'm not getting any younger. If I'm ever going to have a life after Gwen, I shouldn't wait until I'm too old to live it.

Promptness is not only a virtue in my world but an assumption. I found myself in Jill's neighborhood far too early, so I drove through a car wash to kill a few minutes. The roar of the dryer blowing across the hood drowned out my thoughts for a moment. But the time had come. I was only two blocks away. I wanted to call her and tell her it was okay. She didn't have to do this, but I didn't even have a cell number for her. I'd at least have to go to the door and talk to her. I parked the car in front of Unit 8. It was a modest but well maintained condo complex with mostly townhouse style homes. 

The small front yards were all but reflections of the residents. One had political campaign signs up advertising their candidate. Another was filled with those oversized little tikes cars, one overturned on it's side; advertising the family's children. Jill's yard was tastefully cared for with a row of spring flowers lining the walkway. I stepped onto the porch and put my hand on the doorknocker when it opened. To my surprise it wasn't Jill.

"Hi, Jim? I'm Sandy, Jill's daughter." She grabbed my hand with youthful enthusiasm and all but dragged me into the living room. "Mom is about ready. She just didn't want you to think she wasn't going, so I waited around to meet you. Truth be told, I just wanted to see the old guy she's going out with." 

"SANDY! Leave him alone!" Jill's voice echoed from the upstairs hallway where she obviously heard Sandy's imposing statement that verged on being rude. Sandy rattled off like a typical teenager for the next few moments. Her blond hair was similar to Jill's but had a slight tint of red. She had soft freckles and wore her hair back in a ponytail. As we waited, Sandy explained that Jill had bought the condo just after her dad had died so they could be near the university as well as her high school. We began talking about the neighborhood and the slightly warmer weather for this time of year when I heard Jill coming down the steps that lead into the living room. And there she was.

Jill was stunningly beautiful this evening. It caught me off guard, taking my breath away. She wore a white dress that was a mix of linen and lace. The skirt was flared with a satin tip and fell just above the knee. The lace overlay was classic but the scooped neckline was utterly flirtatious. While I knew Jill was a gorgeous woman, this dress only confirmed it. I had never seen her in anything but jeans or kaki work clothes. The sight of her dressed as an elegant woman was awe-inspiring. Her hair was done in curls laying gently on her shoulders. Her simple silver earrings glistened as the light struck them. 

She could see from my expression the pleasure her attire brought. I couldn't hide that pleasure if I wanted to. The last remnant of my barricaded emotions crumbled at the sight of her; as I offered her my hand, her touch wiped away the debris. It was prom night all over again. This time without parents looking on.

"I hope this is appropriate for the crowd we'll be with. I wasn't quite sure if it was too casual. If it's not right, I can change quickly." I took her hand as she came down the final step. 

Drawing her hand away from her and letting her show off the dress I just shook my head slightly. "That's amazing Jill. You look fabulous. You'll be the most attractive woman in the room." I offered without any shame as I gazed at her dress. 

"You two better get on with it. I have to head out too." Sandy said as she was already walking out the door, almost as if she was giving us privacy. 

"Well, shall we?" I offered, holding the door open for Jill to pass. Sandy disappeared quickly. So quickly that I wondered if it was true that she had only waited around to see the old guy. 

"Be home before midnight, please!" Jill shouted at the disappearing Sandy. The normal look of parental distress came across her face as Sandy was no longer even within sight.

"Yep. Been there, done that!" I laughed as I watched Jill deal with the frustration of raising a teenager and watching them become an adult. Jill reached for a small handbag from a table near the door and with her keys in hand, we took off for the dinner.

I pulled through the canopy and a valet was already at my door to help us enter the local country club where we would celebrate the retirement of four members of our department faculty. As I rounded the car to walk in with Jill, she gently reached for my arm. We started up the steps into the club when she drew me closer by pulling on my arm. "Don't get too far away tonight, please." She whispered. 

Reassured, I tucked her arm under mine, drawing her closer. A sense of pride swept over me. I glanced back at her, "It's okay. Most of these faculty members are kinda harmless." 

"It's not that," she smiled, "I rarely wear high heals and I don't want to fall." I looked down at her legs and feet. She was not wearing hose and her gorgeous legs were made all the more lovely by the high heels. It was all I could do not to stop and just drink in the beauty of her legs that she had pointed out.

We were escorted into the room by waiters after checking in with a registration table in the hallway. I could see several faculty that I had worked with in years past seated at a table nearby. The waiter gladly seated us with them. I was relieved that we would be seated with this group of younger profs. Most of them knew me and knew I had been separated for an extended time. So the awkwardness of introductions seemed a bit easier; although there were some raised eyebrows at the friend I had brought with me. 

Ryan was seated to my right and began studying Jill. "Jill, you look a bit familiar." Ryan commented as he raised slightly to reach over and shake her hand.

"I should, you gave me a B in your Marketing Strategies class last fall." Jill said with a hint of feigned indignation. 

It didn't take long for the gossip to start; bringing a student to the faculty dinner. We mingled for a while and I introduced Jill to the others informally. Several of the men were heading to the bar to get drinks. I got up too and asked Jill, "Would you like me to get you something to drink?" 

"I'll have a white wine" she replied. 

I started to follow the other guys when I paused. Placing my hand on Jill's shoulder I leaned down and turned away so others couldn't hear. I jokingly whispered in her ear, "You are old enough to drink, right?" 

She closed her eyes and suppressed her laughter. In a clearly sarcastic tone, with her teeth clinched - not moving her lips as a ventriloquist, she replied, "Flattery will get you anything you want." Damn she was so much fun to be around. The playful repartee was so refreshing. I couldn't tell if she was coming on to me or just bantering.

We had a great time chatting with the group as dinner progressed, joking about the retirees, and making comments only our table could hear in response to the remarks by a few of the speakers. The buffet was better than normal banquet food and the atmosphere was fantastic. Soft music played in the background after the formalities of awards and presentations were complete, leaving time for desert and a drink with the group at our table. The soft candlelight glow of the centerpiece at our table began to dim as the tea lights went out one by one. Jill seemed to enjoy being brought into the conversation and she certainly could hold her own. All in all, the night was wonderful. I hadn't had this much fun in years. I truly hated that it had to end.

The valet opened the door for Jill and she stepped into my car. I couldn't help but enjoy the view as she gracefully stepped in. Settled back into the passenger seat, her attractive legs were showcased as her short skirt rose slightly along her thigh. I lingered to enjoy the view rather than rush around the car to take my place. As the valet was paid and our doors were closed, Jill let out a huge breath. 

"Shew, glad I didn't screw that up!" 

"What? What do you mean? No, you were fabulous. You weren't even close to screwing it up. I hope it wasn't too much of a chore for you." I reassured. 

"I've worried all weekend that I'd say something or do something that might embarrass you," she confessed. I assumed from all outward appearances that Jill was confident and in control. In all my stress about having a first date after this many years, I hadn't taken into consideration how she was feeling.

"God, are you kidding? You were marvelous. I couldn't have asked for anything more! I didn't know if I even remembered how to act on a date." I added. 

"Wait, is this a date?" she grabbed my attention by the tone of her question. It hung in the air like a heavy fog with no place to land. I pretty much had just confessed my clouded desires. 

"Well." I spoke slowly trying to capture my thoughts as I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road. "I guess I just thought that," I spoke slowly, trying to formulate a thought as I spoke it. 

But she graciously spoke up and came to my rescue. "It's okay, I was kinda thinking it was too, but I wasn't sure what you intended when you asked me to join you tonight." We drove in silence for a few blocks, letting it sink in that we had just had a first date and not just dinner. I hadn't felt this awkward around a woman since high school. For some strange reason, she got to me and turned me into mush. 

I'm not sure why I do it. Maybe it's my internal protection mechanism, but I regularly do things that seem self-sabotaging. I can stand in front of classrooms full of students and give a lecture on supply side economics without a moment's hesitation. But given the chance, behind the scenes I usually screw up a good thing. And tonight was the first really good thing I had experienced in a quite a while. So for reasons only a psychologist could explain, I couldn't let it go and just be happy. Call it self-doubt or personal insecurities; either way I tend to screw things up right when they are looking good. "You do understand that I'm still, legally, married?" I spoke after the long silence. 

"Yeah, I know that. You didn't hide any of that from me." she heartened, speaking solemnly. "I could tell some of your colleagues were a bit surprised to see me at your side."

"I just didn't want you to think that at this point in my life I was looking for, the kind of thing dates lead to." Why couldn't I just let it rest? She shifted in the passenger seat, becoming more relaxed and much more herself drifting out of the exquisite, refined image her dress and setting presented. 

Turning toward me, resting her elbow on the armrest, she gently placed her hand on my arm to draw my full attention to what she wanted to say. "Look, Jim, I understand you're still married. But I also understand that you've been separated for a long time. It's okay. I'm not in a place right now where I want anything more than an occasional date. So just relax. Remember, I dumped the last guy I was dating because it was disrupting my studies. Of course it didn't help that he and Sandy didn't get along either. Between classes and working, I don't have much time for a relationship. It seems like most of the guys that have tried to ask me out, are looking for a wife. I guess panic sets in when you get to our age and aren't married. So it's okay with me that this is a date. But I hope it's okay with you that I'm not looking for a controlling guy who would want to spend every free moment hovering over me turning one date into a clingy relationship." She spoke casually, but soulfully as she shared how she felt about things. She continued after a thoughtful pause, "So for that reason it's okay that you're married. As long as you're not 'married', married. God, I'd hate to think that I'm the kind of woman that would break up a marriage."

"You're certainly not why my wife left. She was gone for months before I first laid eyes on you. Things haven't been good for a long time between us. It's actually strange that we get along much better now that she moved out. I just didn't want you to think that I was wanting to rush into some kind of boyfriend-girlfriend thing. I'm just tired of not having anyone to talk to." She had been open with me so why not? For the rest of the drive we felt more relaxed knowing that we enjoyed the idea of being together but neither of us was looking for a serious relationship.

As we rounded the corner leading to her neighborhood she concluded, "I really enjoy having dinner with you each week. Most of the guys I know are kinda shallow. Hell, none of them understand the classes I'm taking. Guess that tells you what kind of guy I seem to attract." 

"Don't say that, you're a fantastic woman." I reassured. 

"I don't date a whole lot. Probably because I want to finish school and make something of myself. These younger students who are looking for their MRS. degree drive me nuts. They don't seem to have any motivation. But still, even though I don't want a relationship right now, I find myself lonely too." With that, the hand she had rested on my arm slid down to my hand. She wrapped my hand with both of hers now as she finished. "It's nice that we don't have to stress about this becoming more than just a date." 

Most guys would have taken that last comment as an insult, the 'let's just be friends' line. But at this stage in my life, it was okay. While Jill was amazing, beautiful, intelligent, and so much fun, I really didn't have thoughts of trying to get her into bed. Maybe the fact that we had so gradually become friends first, made this 'date' less about sex and more about connection. Apparently she felt that way too.

I turned the engine off and as I opened the door the cool evening air swept through the car. Stepping out and around the car I opened Jill's door for her and took her hand to help her out. We walked toward the door slowly. I remember thinking to myself, 'So this is it. The strange and gauche moment of saying good night.' She fumbled through her handbag to find her keys. 

Opening the door, she slid one hand in and turned on the porch light. She barely had opened the door when I spoke. "Jill, this was great. You're a lot of fun... " I started the uncomfortable process of departing for the night. 

"Come in, it's only nine." she wasn't even hesitating at the door to let me say good night. She hardly paused before entering the condo. Throwing her handbag on the stand next to the door, she all but assumed I was following her. She kicked off her high heels and stretched her legs slightly. "Damn, it's good to get out of those things. You guys invented those to control women." 

"Well, we invented them but not to control women. We invented them because it makes your legs look so damn hot." I guess clearing the air as to the state of our friendship permitted me to be a little more relaxed. 

She shot back, "I guess that's why we women invented speedos." She was running her fingers through her hair, shaking it out a bit to relax from the formality of the evening. Whether she had intended it to be or not, the movement was pretty erotic. With her arms raised to run through her hair, the short skirt raised all the more, showing me her lovely legs that were now completely bare right down to her toes. Walking past the coffee table, she took a remote and turned on the TV. Bloomberg Business report was giving a breakdown of the European FTSE markets as the screen came to life. 

She turned from the TV to look at me, taking my hand she spoke, "Let's grab a nightcap. I don't keep a lot of alcohol around the house. Still raising a teenager here. But I think there's some bourbon in the cabinet" 

I teased her, "Oh, you're saying you need a strong drink after having to hang around me all night?" 

She gave me the 'geez' look and headed down the hallway toward the kitchen. I hesitated a moment but followed. Entering the kitchen, I took my jacket off and hung it on one of the kitchen chairs. I loosened my tie a bit and leaned back against the counter as she searched through the refrigerator. She was bending over slightly as she searched in the glowing light of the fridge. For a moment, her right foot raised slightly to rub against the back of her left calf. In this light her legs were gorgeous. I leaned back putting my hands on the counter behind me, soaking in the view.