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The Ugly Duckling

By: Moondrift



Anna Trevena sat at a table in the university café with a rapidly cooling cup of coffee in front of her, looking disconsolately out of the window at the students hurrying to or from lectures.

Most of us when we are troubled see others as being free from woes, and that is how Anna saw those passing students; none were afflicted with anxieties and troubles like her -- or so she thought.

"Come on Anna, I've already fixed up a date for you."

The speaker was Joshua Kendal, one of Anna's troubles.

"I've already told you Josh, I've got a lot of work to do, so..."

"But it's a special occasion -- a celebration -- we're old mates and I need you there."

There it was, "old mates." That was just how Josh saw their relationship, but not how Anna saw it, or more accurately, felt it. 

They had got to know each other in their penultimate high school year. Handsome and dynamic Josh was the sporting darling of the girls, but academically he was well behind the class. On one occasion Anna had helped him with a math problem, and thereafter he constantly came to her for assistance with his class work. 

Like any of the girls Josh deigned to notice Anna had been thrilled by even this attention, and it would be true to say that Josh in his final year owed much of his success to Anna's coaching. Now both of them were studying law at the university, and Josh still came to Anna for help.

Josh was a problem for Anna because she felt herself to be in love with him, but she knew her love was not returned in the manner and measure she longed for. "Mates" was the operative word, and Anna had watched Josh fall in an out of love with what to her seemed an endless stream of attractive girls. He even discussed his romantic tangles with her, seeming not to realise what pain he caused her.

Now, and not for the first time, he was suggesting a double date. He reassured her that the guy he'd fixed up for her was a "real hunk," and she was sure to like him. From Anna's point of view there was nothing to say that the real hunk would like her; but that was another of Anna's problems which, in due season, must be explained.

"So it's a celebration," Anna said, "what will be celebrated?"

"Aha, that's for you to find out, and you'll only find out if you come with us."

"This date you've fixed up for me, is it anyone I know?"

"No, I don't think so," Josh replied, "that's something else you'll only find out if you come with us."

Anna really didn't want to go. She felt that it would be the way it always was on these double dates. Josh would have some super model type girl as his date, and Anna would have to watch them fondling each other in an early preparation for what was to come later.

To make the situation worse, her date, if he was halfway decent, would be carefully polite to her, while drooling enviously over Josh's date. Afterwards her date would see her home, bid her a civil goodnight, and go off languishing for what he thought Josh was getting.

"Look Anna, it really is important to me that you are with us tonight. It's...it's a big moment in my life and...and it's at the Crown Restaurant."

If it was at the Crown Restaurant it had to be something special. Anna sighed resignedly, "All right Josh, if it's that important..."

"It is...it is..."

"Then I'll come."

"Wonderful, I knew you wouldn't let me down and I promise you'll have a marvellous evening."

He rose, "I've got a tutorial to attend; I'll pick you up at seven thirty, okay?"

"Okay, I'll be ready."

Josh made his way out of the café and Anna sat on for a while thinking about the evening to come. She knew she was a fool to have agreed to go on the date; it would be another evening of torment for her, but Josh always seemed able to get her to agree with whatever he wanted of her. The one thing he didn't seem to want was what she most avidly desired to give.

She drank the coffee and grimaced. University cafe coffee always resembled dishwater, but cold it was even more repulsive.

* * * * * * * * 

She had no more lectures or tutorials that afternoon, so she headed home to the small unit she rented.

She had a tutorial paper to prepare for Monday and that had been what she had intended to work on that evening. It was just like Josh to drop a double date on her at the last moment. 

She sat at her computer and typed furiously but the words just didn't seem to flow as she wanted them to. The paper wasn't as she wanted it to be, but, it would have to do. All the time the words that arose in her mind were, "Why doesn't he love me as I love him?" Torts didn't seem to matter when it came to how she felt about Josh. 

She gave up and for a while lay on the bed thinking about Josh; the evening to come; what her date, the "hunk" would be like, and what the celebration was about. 

She dozed off still thinking about Josh.

Awaking with a start she saw the bedside clock pointed to six fifteen. Josh had said he would pick her up at seven thirty. She got up and made her way to the shower, and under the warm spray ran her hands over her body; no wonder Josh couldn't fancy her, a fat girl like her. Afterwards in her bedroom she looked at herself in the long mirror.

What she saw was the image of herself as she thought herself to be; fat and unattractive; the ugly duckling. 

Alice, her older sister had always been the beauty, but she...how could anyone be attracted to her? 42 D bras size; hips like...like a rhinoceros, and legs...well not too bad, but who saw them when she hid them beneath the jeans she habitually wore? 

She hadn't been feeling too well lately. There was that buzzing noise in her head and headaches that she had not experienced before. The law studies that she had once found easy to cope with had started to become like a steep hill she had to climb and she found herself getting irritated when Josh came asking her to explain this and that to him.

But it wasn't only Josh. She seemed to have become the font of wisdom for a lot of her fellow students. "Go and ask Anna," was a constant cry, "she'll know."

She had become a sort of academic agony aunt; the solver of other people's problems. But it wasn't only academic matters; they came to her with their boy and girl friend entanglements and their difficult relationships with parents. In fact she seemed to have become a maternal bosom for them to cry on.

She turned away from the mirror and began to consider what she would wear for the forthcoming celebratory evening. She paid little attention to clothing, her normal wear being jeans and a shirt, with a coat on cold days. The selection was narrow and she finally settled for cream cotton trousers and a white shirt; the shirt worn over the trousers to cover what she thought of as her fat stomach and over-large hips.

It is as well to point out at this stage that the negative image Anna had of herself was not what many would have considered to be the reality. She was an intelligent young woman but like many others she had fallen for the allegedly ideal image presented by the media and advertisers; the consumptively thin models of the catwalk, or the digitally enhanced figures appearing on everything from cornflake packets to advertisements for horrendously expensive cars. 

To begin with Anna was not fat. Certainly she was buxom but in the hourglass figure style. Her classical features, another cause of discontent for her, included a Grecian nose which she thought too long, a mouth she thought too wide, a chin with a little dent in it she thought ridiculous, and eyes -- well yes, her eyes; these were what she saw as her one redeeming feature, long lidded and dark. 

Her hair, if she had taken a little trouble with it, might also have been another attractive feature, but she paid little attention to it, her normal way of dressing it being to carelessly drag a comb though it occasionally. It was chestnut brown and in the course of nature had natural waves and curls that with Anna's perfunctory treatment of it was usually a tangled mess.

Having dressed, she now performed her comb dragging operation, and with that, considered herself ready for the evening -- or as ready as she'd ever be.

This poor self-image Anna had of herself put her constantly on the defensive about her appearance. If she wondered why the dates Josh arranged for her seemed to take so little notice of her after the first half hour, it was this defensiveness that was the problem. Thinking she was getting in ahead of them and expressing what she imagined they were already thinking, she made disparaging remarks about herself and virtually apologised for their having been "stuck" with her for the evening. 

The effect of this on her dates was the reverse of what she intended. They took it to mean that she did not like them and she was "stuck" with them; that the disparaging remarks about her self were intended to make sure they didn't try to get to know her better. 

There might have been some truth in this latter thought in that she really had eyes only for Josh, and as all her dates were double dates arranged by Josh, the poor guys had little chance with her anyway.

* * * * * * * *

So Anna was ready for the evening but only just in time. The doorbell rang and she went to answer it. On opening the door and in the dim light of the hallway, she thought for a moment she was seeing two Joshua's. 

Then Josh grinned and said, "This is my brother David. You remember, I mentioned him to you. Dave, this is Anna."

Anna vaguely recalled Josh mentioning his older brother David who at the time of mentioning was in London. He worked as a training manager for a London based company that had branches throughout Australia. He had been in London to be himself trained in the latest electronic communications.

"Yes, I do remember you mentioning him, and then turning to David, said, "Have you been back long?"

"Flew in two days ago, but I didn't expect to get such an attractive date so soon."

Anna ignored this comment since her attention had been drawn to the fact that the men were both wearing evening suits. 

"My God," she said, indicating their suits, "this really is a formal evening and I haven't got a..."

"You look charming as you are," David commented, as if to avoid her further embarrassment.

Then Anna produced one of her negatives.

"There's no need to be polite, I know how I look, and I haven't got any evening wear anyway, so you'll have to take me as I am."

The moment the words were out she regretted them. On first appearance, and although he looked very much like Josh, David seemed to have a more serious manner than the somewhat exuberant Josh. His words had seemed to be sincere, which was more than could be said of Josh, who flung compliments around like confetti when it suited him.

"Time will tell," Anna thought, and then said, "I'll just get my handbag and be with you."

As she walked away David whispered something to Josh. Although Anna did not catch the words, she put her own interpretation on them, which went something like this; "Why did you land me with this frump?"

When she returned they made their way to Josh's car, Anna and David sitting in the back. As they drove off Anna called out to Josh; "This isn't the way to the Crown."

We've got to pick up my date first," Josh replied.

They drove on until arriving outside one of the more upmarket blocks of flats. 

"Shan't be long," Josh said, and got out of the car and entered the building. 

As they waited Anna asked David, "Do you know what we're supposed to be celebrating?"

"No idea, he wouldn't tell me. He said it would be a surprise, and he's obviously not told you either."

Josh emerged from the building, his arm round the waist of a girl. In the street lights she looked rather like most of Josh's dates. A slim figure she was dressed in a dark red evening gown. Even in the uncertain street light the dress looked as if it had cost a fortune.

As the girl and Josh got into the car, and in the interior light, Anna could see that the girl was exceptionally good looking. 

"This," Josh said triumphantly, "is my fiancée Deborah." 

He looked as if he had won a million dollars, which in a way wasn't so far from the truth. 

There was a stunned silence for a few moments. Anna felt the blood drain from her face and the buzzing noise in her head seemed to grow louder. 

Always she had hoped that one day Josh would realise how much she loved him, and for as long as there had been no firm attachments she had clung to that hope; now hope was lost. 

David said, "You devil you, you never said a word. Congratulations; I suppose this is what we're celebrating."

"It certainly is," Josh replied exuberantly.

"Have you told mother and father yet?"

"No, we're going to the old place next weekend to let them know."

"Congratulations," Anna murmured weakly as she cringed back into the corner.

Josh started the car and drove on to the Crown.

* * * * * * * *

On arrival they were met by the maitre d'hotel with that curious mixture of arrogance and obsequiousness that seems to cling to such people like bats to a cave roof. In fact he looked a bit like a bat in his tail suit. 

They were shown to a table with many bows and compliments, and it seemed that Deborah was well known to him. 

Effusively the maitre d'hotel congratulated Josh and Deborah, adding, "I trust we at the Crown will have the pleasure of catering for your wedding breakfast." With that he snapped his fingers and waiters sprang into action.

It was clear that the evening had been planned well in advance. Champagne was brought in an ice bucket, and the wine poured. 

There was a little ceremony to begin with. Josh drew from his pocket a small velvet case, which on being opened contained the engagement ring. Anna nearly gasped with amazement when she saw it; a huge diamond set in a cluster of sapphires

"My God," she thought, "he must have put himself in hock for that." Josh was reasonably well off, but not as well off as that.

As Josh put the ring on Deborah's finger David proposed a toast to the "happy pair."

Anna sat back slumped in her chair. Her head was aching abominably and she had to make a powerful effort to even appear to be involved with what was going on. 

It was only after her third glass of champagne that she entered that early cheerful stage of inebriation. She started to chatter incomprehensible nonsense in a loud voice; telling Deborah how fortunate she was to have got herself a "randy" fiancé like Josh.

David, her date, she virtually ignored, concentrating on Josh and Deborah, and most especially on Josh. 

She went from champagne to gin and tonic and her remarks became ever more ribald. Deborah and Josh tried either to pass what she said off as a joke, or ignore her. David watched her increasing intoxication with concern.

At one stage Anna tried to rise to her feet in order to announce to the whole restaurant the engagement, but in doing so lost her balance and plumped down on the floor. 

David helped her rise and got her seated again.

Anna called for another glass of gin and tonic and David said mildly, "Don't you think you've had enough, Anna?"

"Who the fuck are you to tell me whether I've had enough?"

Then she went into an exaggerated act of contrition.

She patted his cheek and said, "You poor shod, got shtuck with the ugly one din't you. Never mind, perhapsh Josh'll share Deb with you ternight..."

Josh rose saying, "That's enough Anna, you're ruining the evening."

"Rui...rui... evenin' am I, then I'd bettgo."

She rose, this time successfully if unsteadily. She made a mock bow which nearly had her falling on her face, then saying, "I...I bid yall goo'night," she staggered towards the exit and stumbled. David went to her and put his arm round her.

Anna yelled, "Leave me 'lone, can manage wiout your 'elp." She struggled out of David's arm and staggered away.

"I'd better go after her," David said. "She's in no condition to make her own way home."

Deborah was in tears. "The bitch," Josh snarled, "she's deliberately wrecked the evening. You do what you like, I never want to see or hear from her again."

Anna had failed to negotiate the two steps up to the foyer, having fallen at the first one. She was helped up by a waiter who hustled her as quickly as she was able to move into the foyer and out into the street. 

In the street she tried to wave down a taxi without success, until a car drew up and a window was lowered.

There were two men in the car and one of them leaned out of the window and said, "Were you waving us down, sweetheart, how much?"

"Wha...whacher mean...mush?" 

"She's drunk," the man called back to the other who was at the wheel.

"Good," the driver replied, "we can have her for free, get her in."

The car door was opened and a hand grasped Anna arm and a voice said, "Come on sweetheart, we'll give you good time, there's plenty of booze back at my place."

Anna struggled weakly saying, "Leggo me, I...I don' wanna..."

Another voice cut in, "Let go of her or I'll break your arm."

The man holding Anna's arm started to get aggressively out of the car, and then glancing up at David got back hastily saying, "Quick, get moving, there's a big guy with..."

What else was said was not heard because the car door was slammed and the window raised as the car sped off. 

* * * * * * * *

David supported Anna, and this time she made no effort to resist him. She felt extremely unwell, everything was spinning and the ground was heaving up and down. After a couple of minutes David managed to hail a taxi, and gave the driver Anna's address.

When they arrived David paid off the taxi and helped Anna to her flat. Anna seemed to be completely unaware of where she was, and it was David who had to search her hand bag for a key. Finding it, and still supporting Anna, he opened the door and half carried her in. 

There in the small lounge Anna started to retch and then to vomit. The vomit ran down her shirt and trousers, and David, who was still holding her, got some of it down his shirt and jacket.

When Anna had finished David, not used to dealing with drunken females, hesitated, and then decided that the first thing was to get Anna's clothes off. By then she was not able to stand even with his help, so her lowered her into an armchair and went in search of the bedroom.

The flat being small it took only seconds to find it. He picked Anna up and carried her into the bedroom and laid her on the bed. Knowing he couldn't leave her the way she was he took off her shirt and trousers, and then leaving her wearing only panties and bras, went in search of a washing machine. 

He found it in the kitchen, a place which seemed to combine a number of domestic functions. He put her clothing in the machine together with his shirt; he removed what he could from his jacket, but clearly it was a job for a dry cleaner. 

He looked around for something that could be used if Anna started to vomit again, and seeing a metal waste bin he carried it into the bedroom and placed it beside the bed.

Anna was lying on top of the bed covers apparently asleep or more likely comatose. 

By moving her from one side of the bed to the other he managed to get her under the covers. He went to the bathroom and getting a wash cloth and towel he returned to wipe away the vomit still clinging to Anna's mouth and chin. He then set about removing as best he could her vomit on the lounge floor.

Finishing this task he sat on the bed wondering what to do next. He decided he would stay awhile in case Anna vomited again or woke up needing something. 

He sat looking down at her. Her hair was a mess, but in sleep her face was relaxed. 

"What a shame," he thought, "what a damn awful shame; an attractive girl like her getting into this state."


The Ugly Duckling



He wondered if she often got drunk, was she an alcoholic, and if so why had Josh fixed him up with her as a date? From the start he had recognised her good looks, and at the time when he had whispered to Josh outside the flat door, and Anna had made her negative interpretation, what he had really said, "Why didn't you tell me she's such a good looker?"

When he had been undressing her his hands had brushed against her breasts several times. David was not a seducer, especially of drunk females, but he couldn't help enjoying those brief touches. They had that wonderful combination of firmness and warm softness. 

He wondered whose hands had touched them when she was not wearing her bras, and who had..."

His thoughts faded. It had been a long day, reporting back to Australian company headquarters, and then the wrecked evening.

"I'll stay a bit longer," he thought, "just in case...in case...it won't do any harm if I just lay down for a few minutes...just a few"...he was asleep beside Anna.

* * * * * * * *

When Anna woke the sun was streaming in through the bedroom window. She opened her eyes and groaning shut them again quickly. It was as if a knife had sliced through her brain. She felt terrible; her head was throbbing; her mouth felt as if it was filled with grit and her stomach seemed to be churning. 

As she moved somewhat painfully her arm brushed against something warm. She cautiously raised her eyelids a fraction. Her arm had brushed against a back -- a naked back. 

Despite the danger of more knives though the brain her eyes flew open. It was a man...a naked man as far as she could see which wasn't very far given the blinding effect of the light.

She pummelled the offending back with a bunched fist, and the back stirred.

She pummelled again crying out somewhat hoarsely, "What the hell are you doing in my bed you animal, come on, wake up."

She saw that the back definitely had a man attached to it. He stirred and suddenly shot upright.

"Oh my God, I must have gone to sleep; I didn't mean to..."

"You bloody seducer, I'll report you for..."

"Sorry...sorry..." David protested. "I didn't mean to go asleep...I didn't do anything..."

"Get out of my bed, you...you...ravisher," Anna yelled, and then felt even worse.

David almost leapt off the bed, and Anna could see he was still wearing his trousers, but this did not convince her he had not molested her.

"You took advantage of...oh God I feel terrible, I think I'm going to..."

She started to retch and David tugged her unceremoniously to the side of the bed and pulled the waste bin under her head.

Having vomited so heavily previously she had very little to bring up. He held her as she brought up a thin stream of fluid, and when she finished he said, "Don't move for a moment."

He left the room to return quickly with another wash cloth and towel. He gently cleaned and dried her face and said, "Lie back for a while, I'll make you a cup of black coffee, I've heard it helps."

He left, going in search of coffee. Anna lay still for a while, and then cautiously felt for the entrance to her vagina. She was one of a very rare species in that at twenty one she was still a virgin. She didn't feel sore, and her examination seemed to indicate she was still in tact. 

Her virginity was less due to some moral objections to sexual intercourse and more to do with Josh. It was Josh she wanted and if she couldn't have him, then no one else would do. 

Her head still throbbed and her mouth felt awful, but her stomach no longer churned so unpleasantly. The memory of the previous evening started to come back to her, at least partially. She tried to go over the events in sequence, but they cut out at the point where she had stumbled on the step. After that everything was a blank.

Much to her despair she recalled her feelings about Josh's engagement and her abusive and lewd comments in the restaurant. 

"Oh God, Josh will never speak to me again," she silently moaned.

David entered carrying a cup of coffee.

"I found the coffee," he said cheerfully, "can you sit up?"

Anna nodded, but when she tried it sent pain shooting through her head again. 

David put the cup down on the bedside table and then placing his arm under her shoulders he raised her and then put the pillow behind her back.

He offered her the cup. Anna took it but said, "I don't think I can drink it."

"Try, it may make you feel better."

Anna sipped and complained, "It's hot."

"Well let it stand until it cools." He took the cup and replaced it on the table.

"Okay," Anna said weakly, "you didn't molest me, so how come you were in my bed this morning?"

"I don't molest women," David protested, "and certainly not if they're drunk."

"You mean you might molest them if they're not drunk?"

"I didn't mean that, and I'm sure you know I didn't. Do you get in this state very often?"

"Are you suggesting I'm an inebriate?"

"I was just asking, it seems such a pity that a girl like..."

"All right, no I don't usually drink alcohol, so just tell me what happened -- after I tripped on that bloody step. The restaurant management ought to be sued for having a step there."

David set about recounting what had occurred after that, and Anna had no memory of the men who had tried to get her into the car, or David bringing her home.

The coffee had cooled and Anna managed to drink it, and felt a trifle better.

"I think if you had a shower you'd feel a lot better," David suggested. 

"Yes," agreed Anna reluctantly not really wanting to leave the bed.

"I'll let you get on with it then," David said..."oh by the way, I saw some porridge in the cupboard while I was hunting for the coffee, do you mind if I make myself some. I've got to get to the office and won't have time to make breakfast when I get to my flat."

"Help yourself," Anna said carelessly, "I'd forgotten I've got it, watch out, it might have weevils...where are my clothes?"

In relating the events to her David had avoided mentioning her vomiting and the mess on her clothes, but now he had to explain.

"I really have been a burden haven't I."

"It doesn't matter, after all, I suppose we're all a burden to someone some time so...would you like me to make some porridge for you?"

"Urgh no," groaned Anna, "I couldn't face food."

"Suppose I make you another cup of coffee and some toast, could you manage that?"

"I'll try."

"Good."

He left her and Anna struggled off the bed, pulled on her dressing gown and made her way to the shower.

"He's playing Jesus Christ to my woman taken in adultery," Anna thought rather ungraciously, not to say irreverently. "Next he'll be telling me to go my way and sin no more."

The shower did help and when Anna, still wearing her dressing gown, entered the kitchen, it was to the smell of coffee and toast and seeing David eating porridge. 

"All ready" he said, and made a move that suggested he was going to help her into a chair. Anna made the effort and got to the chair before his assistance was required. Instead he brought the coffee and toast.

"I'll have to leave," he said, "I've got to get to the office and I'll have to go to my flat to change; will you be okay?"

"Yes, I think so," Anna replied. "What about your shirt?"

"It's still a bit damp but it'll have to do until I can get to the flat. Do you mind if I ring for a taxi?"

"No, go ahead."

He rang and as he waited for the taxi he said, "Look, would you mind if I dropped by this evening?"

"What for?"

"Just to see that you're okay."

"I'll be fine, but call in if you really want to," Anna replied somewhat diffidently.

"I think you should go back to bed for a while, you're looking a bit fragile."

"Yes...yes I might do that. I'm supposed to attend a lecture but...yes, I don't feel at all good."

The taxi arrived and when the driver saw David in his sagging shirt and stained evening jacket he commented, "You really did make a night of it mate."

* * * * * * * *

Left on her own Anna sat on for while. Foremost in her mind was her appalling behaviour the previous evening, and above all, what had brought on that behaviour; Josh's announcement of his engagement. 

She felt that she should telephone Josh and apologise, but knowing Josh he wouldn't be at his number anyway; he would be with Deborah, probably still lounging in bed with her. 

When she thought about it she realised that Josh had not even bothered to mention Deborah's family name so she couldn't even look her up in the directory. In any case Anna didn't feel up to talking to Josh, or worse still, Deborah.

It felt as if a little demon was in her head hammering away above her left eye with a pickaxe and her hands were trembling uncontrollably. She took a couple of aspirin and decided to take David's advice and go back to bed. 

The aspirin took some of the sharp edge off the pain in her head and for a while she dozed restlessly, dropping in and out of uneasy sleep. When she did sleep she dreamt that she was standing on the edge of the world and was about to drop off.

She came out of one bout of sleep with a start. The pain in her head was back worse than before. She felt as if she was about to be swallowed by a big black hole. She began to weep and tremble uncontrollably.

She felt she couldn't face things -- people -- any more. It was all too much and she had to get away, but get away where?

Alice...Alice, she would go to Alice, Harry and the kids. She was always welcome there.

Alice, her older sister lived at Point Dolphin a couple of hundred miles up the coast where Harry was the local GP. 

Anna groaned out of bed and rang Alice. When Alice answered, Anna, without preamble said, "Can I come and stay with you for a few days?"

"Yes of course darling, you know were always pleased to see you."

"Can I come today?"

"Yes...are you all right, you sound strange?"

"Got a bit of a headache, I'll be okay."

"As long as you're sure, darling; Harry and the kids will love to see you. Drive carefully."

Anna dressed, threw some things carelessly into a suitcase, and made her way to the garage under the flats and her car, a small blue Toyota.

She knew she wasn't really fit to drive, and as she made her way through the city streets and the suburbs she drove with that deliberate attention that drunken people engage in, hoping insofar as they could hope for anything, that they would avoid an accident or being pulled over by the police.

The effects of the previous evening had started to wear off, but Anna still felt terrible. The head ache was worse than ever and a couple more aspirin before she left had done little to ease the pain. 

There was something wrong with her -- something that had nothing to do with alcohol. She had to pull into lay-bys a couple of times because she felt she was going to black out. Afterwards she could never remember the drive to Point Dolphin.

Alice must have been looking out for her because as soon as she pulled into the drive Alice came out of the front door to greet her. Anna got out of the car, and as Alice came up to her Anna swayed and said, "Alice...Alice...I don't feel..."

The darkness came; she was falling into the black hole, and then nothing.

* * * * * * * *

When Anna came to she found herself lying in a bed in a dimly lit room. For a few moments she lay trying to orient herself and gradually she became aware that she was in the bedroom she usually occupied when visiting Alice and her family.

Something stirred and she turned to look at where the sound came from. 

Harry her brother was sitting beside the bed. 

Harry! Everything would be all right. Dear, loving Harry. With him people always seemed to feel that all would be well when he was around.

"Hello Anna," he said, "joined the world again."

"What...what happened Harry?"

"You fainted."

"What's wrong with me?"

"Not sure at the moment, Anna, but it wasn't an ordinary faint; people usually come out of those fairly quickly, but you've been out for a couple of hours. What's been happening to you lately? Any headaches, palpitations, stomach trouble, anything like that?

"I've had some terrible headaches lately and there's been a sort of buzzing or singing noise in my head."

"Been under any extra stress lately; studies, boyfriends?"

Anna avoided a direct answer to that question and instead said, "I went out last night...I think it was last night...and I got drunk...horribly drunk. Could it be that?"

"You, drunk!" Harry said, "But you hardly ever drink; but in any case most of the effects should have worn off by now."

"So what's wrong with me?"

"I'm not a psychiatrist, Anne, but it seems to me that you've been under some sort of stress lately. It may be one thing or a cluster of things, but your mind had decided it's time to close down, and that's what's happened; that's why I asked you about stress. Was there any particular reason why you got drunk last night?"

Anna hesitated, and then it all came out in a rush; Josh, his engagement; her feelings about herself; the way people came to her pouring out their troubles with none of them caring about hers. 

Harry listened and when Anna finally came to a halt he said, "It's as I thought; your psyche decided to blank out for a while, to take a holiday, and that is what you're going to do. You're to rest up here for a couple of weeks and..."

"Oh, but I can't," Anna protested, "I've got commitments -- lectures, tutorials and..."

"How do you think you'll cope the way you are, Anna? You need a break...rest...get yourself well again. You've had what used to be called a nervous breakdown -- a stress overload. I could give you some medication, but if I do you'll be going round like a zombie, so I won't give it to you unless you ask me for it."

He paused for a moment, waiting for Anna to say something, but she remained silent.

"I'll give you something to make you sleep tonight and tomorrow I'll give you a thorough physical check-up and then we'll see."

He handed her two small white pills and a glass of water and Anna dutifully swallowed them. 

"Can I see Alice?" she asked.

"Of course, I'll leave you now and send her in."

He left, to be replaced shortly after by Alice.

"How are you feeling, darling?" she asked.

"Oh, not as bad as I have been feeling lately."

"You gave me a scare when you passed out like that. Just as well Mr. Jenkins was home; I had to ask him to help me carry you in."

"Mr...?"

"Next door neighbour, you remember him. Harry said you'll be with us for a couple of weeks."

"So it seems. Harry really is a darling."

Alice smiled, "Yes, I know." 

"He adores you Alice."

"I know that too, darling."

"I wish...wish someone could love me like that."

Anna was starting to drift off the sleep so Alice said, "Let's leave it for now, we can have a talk tomorrow."

"Yes...yes." 

Something that felt like soft velvet cloth seemed to cover Anna, and she was asleep. Alice closed the curtains and made her way out of the room, turning off the dim light as she went.

She and Harry talked at some length about Anna before they went to sleep that night.

* * * * * * *

Anna woke early. Much of the daylight was cut off by the curtains but she could hear magpies warbling and galahs squeaking, and more distantly gulls quarrelling on the beach.

She felt safe. Here no one could trouble her, no one could hurt her.

The bedroom door slowly opened and a small head came round it -- her four year old niece Tessa. The child stared at her for a moment then the head was withdrawn and her voice -- "Aunty Anna's awake...she's awake;" then faintly Alice, "Quiet darling, Aunty Anna isn't feeling too well."

"Can I take it...let me take it...please..."

A few moments later Tessa entered carrying a cup and saucer and walking with extreme care as if fearful of tipping the cup and saucer over. She made it successfully to the bedside table and put her burden down with obvious relief.

"Mummy made you a cup of tea," she said.

"Thank you for bringing it darling," Anna replied.

"Mummy said you're not very well, but is it all right if I come into bed with you?"

From early in Tessa's life and whenever Anna had visited, it had been the custom for her to join Anna in bed. She climbed in now and cuddled up to Anna asking, "Why aren't you very well?"

"I'm not sure darling, but your daddy is going to try and find out today."

"Daddy knows a lot of people who aren't very well."

Anna had to stifle a grin as she said, "But I'm sure he makes a lot of them better."

"Yes," Tessa said, and then with a sudden change of topic, "I go to kindergarten now."

"And do you like it?"

"Yes, mummy comes and helps there sometimes."

"Are you going to kindergarten today?"

"Yes. We make pictures; I'll make your picture today."

"Thank you darling."

As if the subject of kindergarten had stirred the general atmosphere Alice entered carrying one year old Ben, saying, "Tessa I told you not to disturb Aunty Anna, now go and get ready for kindergarten."

"She wasn't disturbing me," Anna said, "We were just having a hug and a talk. We always do when I come here. What time is it?"

"About quarter past eight. Harry said would you go down to the medical centre at ten o'clock for some tests."

"A blood letting I suppose, let me have him for a moment." She held out her arms for Ben.

"Are you sure you're all right; I mean if..."

"I'm not an invalid Alice and I only want to hold him."

"If it's okay, would it be all right if I went and made sure Tessa is getting ready for kindergarten?"

Ben's vocabulary was somewhat more restricted than Tessa's, and conversation was rather one sided, consisting mainly of Anna telling Ben what a lovely boy he was. On the whole Anna was content to hold the child while trying to drink her tea. She seemed fated to endure cold beverages. 

Alice returned and went to take Ben from Anna saying, "I'm taking Tessa to kindergarten now so..."

"How long will you be?" Anna asked. 

"About ten minutes, I'm not due on there this morning."

"Then leave Ben with me."

"But you're supposed to be..."

"Resting, I know, so I'll rest with Ben."

"He might..."

"If he does you can fix it when you get back."

"As long as you're sure."

Tessa hurtled into the room, "I'll paint your picture...I'll paint your picture," and with that she planted a kiss on Anna's cheek. Alice smiled, shrugged, and left the room. 

Since Ben seemed to be able to produce a few words, which his parents pretended were "mummy" and "daddy," Anna decided it was time he should say aunty. By the time Alice got back Ben had got as far as "Ty."

"I'll bring you your breakfast, what would you like?"

Without quite knowing why Anna said, "Porridge, but I hate breakfast in bed; I'll get up and have a shower first if you don't mind."

Alice took Ben and Anna got up and had her shower. It was while enjoying the warm water cascading over her that she remembered David had porridge. Remembering that another thought struck her. 

"My God, he was coming to see me yesterday evening and I wasn't there."

In fact apart from mentioning him to Harry she had hardly thought of him at all since he had left her the previous morning. This made her feel guilty because who knows what would have happened to her if it hadn't been for him. 

She thought that so many men would have been disgusted at her condition, and would have left her to her own devises, or if they'd seen her home they would have taken advantage of her condition to help themselves to her body. 

She wondered why she had not thought of him, and there came into her mind words from the play Julius Caesar that she had studied at high school; "The evil that men do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones."




The Ugly Duckling



"Why is it," she wondered, "that so many good people are forgotten while the evil ones are remembered?" Why had she until now, and only because of porridge, just remembered David, whereas Josh -- well you couldn't call Josh evil, but he was careless with people, especially her - while David...virtually a stranger...? 

She didn't know the answer, but she resolved that she would remember David, and thank him if ever she met him again, since she had failed to thank him before he had left her. 

The porridge was ready when she entered the kitchen, and as she sat at the table eating Alice reminded her of her 10 o'clock appointment at the medical centre. 

"Perhaps afterwards, we can have a talk," she said. 

* * * * * * * *

Alice drove Anna to the medical centre, and at first the practice nurse took over, taking her blood pressure, temperature and extracting some blood to be sent to the lab for a report. 

Then it was Harry's turn, wielding his stethoscope while Anna breathed deeply in and out. Her reflexes were tested and her tongue inspected, and she was asked about her bowels and bladder.

When he had finished Harry considered for a few moments and then said, "We have to know for sure whether your problem is physical or not, and we'll know more when we get the blood test result back, but as it stands you seem physically fine. We'll have a computer response about the blood test by tomorrow at the latest.

There were admonitions about taking it easy and not overdoing it, and since Anna's headache, after calming down a bit, was now returning, there was a prescription for a more potent pain killer than couldn't be purchased over the counter.

Alice had waited for her, so they drove to the pharmacy and waited for the medication. Then it was back to the house.

It was eleven o'clock as they sat down in the lounge with cups of tea; Ben at first tormented his teddy bear and then dropped off to sleep on the rug.

"Last night," Alice began, "you said, "I wish someone could love me like that." Of course you were talking about Harry and me and..."

"He adores you Alice."

"You said that before, darling. I know he does and I adore him. But what I want to talk about is, why do you think that someone couldn't love you like that?...and before you say anything, I've detected that attitude in you before, even when you were a child and teenager."

"For heaven's sake Alice, look at me; who could love a fat lump like me. I was always the ugly duckling, while you...well...you're beautiful."

"Would it surprise you to know that I thought I was unattractive?"

"You...you thought you were unattractive with your looks and figure, how could you possibly..."

"Nevertheless it's true. You say Harry adores me, but it wasn't until I met him at university and he was taking his medical degree and like you I was studying law, that I began to see I wasn't ugly. Harry told me I was beautiful and in so doing made me feel beautiful. 

"But you really are beautiful, Alice, you always have been," Anna protested.

"Let's take that to be true for the moment; so why did I feel I was ugly?"

I...I don't know."

"I think I do know, Anna, and the answer isn't very pleasant."

"What?"

"Mother and father."

"Mother and fa...but they're dead so how could...?"

Alice seemed to move away from the subject.

"Why did I study law, and why are you studying it?"

"I suppose I....you...because we wanted to I suppose."

"I don't think so, Anna. Are you really happy studying law?"

"It's okay, and I always expected to be studying and practising it."

"Exactly, but why?"

"I suppose..."

"No, don't suppose darling, I think I know. Mother and father were both lawyers, and we were trying to please them by studying law - we were always trying to please them over something and even after they're dead you're still trying to please them. We both wanted their affection and attention, but we never really got it."

"But they were so..."

"Busy? Were they really so busy? Remember all the times they went off on vacation, dumping us with someone they paid to look after us. They were totally wrapped up in each other and we were just accidents that unfortunately happened; we were a bloody nuisance."

"You're being a bit hard, Alice."

"Am I? I don't think so Anna. Oh, we got all the toys and gadgets they thought we wanted, but how much real affection did they ever give us? Did mother ever hug us; did father ever tell you that you were a pretty girl and he was proud of you? Did he even praise you for the success you had at school?"

"No, he didn't and mother never really..."

"And it was the same with me. As long as they could have their holidays and overseas trips, their fancy cars, the boat, the holiday shack, we never really came into things. At best they sometimes reluctantly let us tag along. Can you remember how it was when they got killed?"

Anna could remember. They had been killed when their parent's latest toy, a small aircraft had crashed. Apart from the tragedy its self what followed was terrible. 

Both their parents had earned good incomes, but their desires had exceeded those incomes. There were mortgages, unpaid debts and horrendous credit card amounts overdue. 

Anna had been sixteen when the crash occurred and Alice eight years older than her. Alice had virtually taken over Anna as her guardian, and it was she who had to struggle with the debts their parents had left.

Almost everything was sold, and they had moved into a small flat. There was just enough money left over to see the girls' education out if they lived frugally.

"Yes, I remember," Anna said. 

"They never made us feel good about ourselves," Alice said. "It was only when Harry came into my life I started to feel really worthwhile."

Anna was both amazed and amused at Alice's words. How was it possible for her to not have known how beautiful she was? 

As Anna looked at her now she could see that her features were almost perfectly balanced and her nose was small and straight. Her mouth and chin were wonderfully chiselled and she had that great gift of God, huge brown eyes with natural blonde hair. And when she stood up she saw her figure was as near perfect as it could be even after giving birth to two children.

Alice went on, "I can remember how you were in the past. You had this habit of making derogatory remarks about yourself, and...and I'm sorry if this hurts, but you tried to get people to like you by being at their beck and call, especially that boy Joshua. You were absolutely out of your mind over him, and from the way you've talked about him when you've been visiting us here, I think you still are."

Anna laughed bitterly, "Was it so obvious? Not much point being out of my mind over him now, he's marrying a beauty called Deborah."

"It never was worth your while being struck on him, he wasn't worth it. Of course I haven't seen him since the days you were at high school and he was for ever getting you do his work for him, but he was a selfish brat then and I suspect he's still a self-centred brat. If you'd have married him you'd have been stuck with someone who was like father and mother, totally focused on self."

"His brother David is a bit different...I think," Anna said pensively.

"Ah, yes, the hero who saved you from a fate worse than death; Harry said you'd mentioned him. Look darling, I've got to go and pick up Tessa now, do you want to come with me?"

"Yes...yes I'd love to. Tessa and Ben are never going to want for affection, are they."

"No, Harry and I have got a lot of love we like to share."

* * * * * * * *

It was Anna who picked up the sleeping Ben and sat with him on her lap as they drove to the kindergarten. The children came out, some to waiting parents, others to grandparents or people paid to collect them.

Tessa ran into Alice's arms saying, "I've got a picture for Aunty Anna and the teacher said it's beautiful."

It had to be viewed right then. The body was stick-like but one feature Tessa had almost got right was the hair. It was typical of Anna's tangled mass of brown (not quite the right shade in the picture) hair.

Anna and Alice assured Tessa it really was a lovely picture and Anna said she'd put it up on the wardrobe door in her bedroom.

Anna was starting to feel unaccountably tired, or at least, it seemed unaccountable to her. Telling Alice this when they got back to the house, Alice said that it was probably emotional exhaustion, and that Anna was to go back to bed after lunch for a while.

"But I want to..."

"Never mind what you want darling, you've got to do as you're told for once."

"Aha, still playing big sister, or should I say substitute mummy?" Anna laughed.

Alice saw the humour and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come the heavy with you, but I'm so concerned about you. You know how fond of you Harry and I are, and Tessa adores you and I expect Ben will eventually."

"All right big sister, I'll do as I'm told."

Anna thought she would lay on the bed with a book, but she hadn't got to the end of the first paragraph when the book slipped from her hand and she was asleep. 

* * * * * * * *

The following days were peaceful for Anna. Harry got the report on her blood test, and this indicated that everything was fine. He reiterated that her problem was stress based and said again she must stay with them at Point Dolphin for at least two weeks. 

She played with the children and she and Alice took them for walks along the beach, and one warm day they all went swimming, and got wolf whistles from young men lounging on the sand. Of course Anna decided that the whistles were for Alice and not her.

On the Friday night of the first week Anna got a surprise; or perhaps shock would better describe it. The telephone often rang and was answered by Harry or Alice. 

Frequently it was someone requiring medical attention, and one amusing incident Harry related was about a woman who, having committed adultery; rang at two o'clock in the morning to say she thought she had syphilis. Harry went out to her and found that she had been given an infestation of pubic lice by her adulterous lover. 

"Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all," Harry quoted. 

That Friday evening the phone rang and Alice answered. It wasn't for Harry or Alice. Alice came into the lounge where Anna was playing a simple children's board game with Tessa. Alice had a suggestive smile on her face when she said, "It's for you, Anna, someone called David Kendal; Joshua's brother I presume."

Anna went to the phone.

"Yes?"

"Er...er..David...er...David Kendal here, I just thought...I'm not disturbing anything am I?"

"How did you get this number?"

"Oh...I...I was so worried about you. I called at your flat like I said I would, and you weren't there. I came back later and then the next day but you still...I thought you might have been taken seriously ill after I left so I rang round all the hospitals but they didn't...well of course they didn't because you're not in hospital are you?"

"No David, so how did you get this number?"

"Oh, well, I was so worried I went to see Josh. He said...er...it doesn't matter what he said, but well...he did say that you sometimes visited your sister at Pont Dolphin and your brother was the only doctor in the town so...so the rest was easy." 

"I see."

"Er...look... I wondered...I'll understand if it's not okay, you...you might not want..."

"What might I not want, David?"

"I thought I'd like to come and see you."

"Ah, it's a long drive."

"Yes, but I won't mind that if it's all right with you."

"Well, if you don't mind the trip you'll be welcome to visit me, and I do have something I want to say to you, and I'd rather say it face to face."

"Oh, is it something nice or nasty?"

"You'll have to come and find out, won't you."

"You sound like Josh and his celebration when he...oh, perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned that."

Anna didn't respond to that and instead asked, "When will you be coming?"

"Oh...er...tomorrow if that's all right."

"Tomorrow!" Anna said with unintended vehemence.

"Oh, isn't that okay, I could make it..."

"No, that'll be fine David," she said more calmly, "what time will you arrive?"

"Ten o'clock be all right?"

"Yes, have you got the address?"

"Yes." David repeated the address and Anna confirmed it to be correct.

Back in the lounge Anna said breathlessly, "He's coming to see me tomorrow."

"He must be keen," Alice said.

"Keen...oh...no, he's just coming because...I don't know why he is coming."

Harry looked up from the medical journal he as reading and said, "Don't you?"

He winked at Alice and buried head once more in the journal.

"I saw that Harry," Anna said. "He's just...just a nice guy who wants to see how I am."

A muffled laugh came from behind the journal and Alice said, "Time for bed Tessa."

"Can Aunty Anna put me to bed and read me a story?"

"Aunty Anna has put you to bed every night this week Tessa and she's not very..."

"I love putting her to bed," Anna interrupted.

"Then kiss daddy goodnight darling and don't make the story too long Anna."

Tessa kissed her mother and father goodnight and toddled off with Anna. 

Anna had been reading Oscar Wilde's story "The Happy Prince." She wasn't sure if Tessa really understood it, but that night they finished the story, and with the last words Tessa sighed, "That was a lovely story Aunty Anna. God must have loved the bird and the prince very much."

"Yes he did, darling."

"Does he love me too?"

"Of course he does darling."

"Like mummy and daddy love me and Ben?"

"Yes, something like that."

"And how you love me and Ben?"

"Yes, like that."

Tessa put her arms round Anna's neck and said, "I love you Aunty Anna."

Anna felt the tears coming and kissed Tessa quickly and after tucking her in left the room struggling to hold back the sobs.

She intended to go to her bedroom but Alice came along the passage before she got there and asked, "Was she any trouble?"

"No...no...oh Alice...Alice..."

The tears came and with them heart rending sobs. The simple words of love from a child had broken through all her long shored up defences. 

"What is it my love, what is it? Come along, let's go into the lounge and you can tell me."

Blinded by tears Anna allowed herself to be led into the lounge and into an armchair.

Harry looked up and seemed about to say something, but Alice looked at him and shook her head.

"Now tell me what it is...what's upset you."

"She...she said she loves me."

"Well of course she does, didn't you know that, we all do, but when a child says it to you it's the sincerest of all loves."

"But why...why does she...why do you love me when no one else does?" 

"Because we know you, know what you're really like. We know you in a way that you won't let anyone else know you."

"Poor self-image," Harry muttered.

Alice looked across at him frowning.

"Darling, a young man is coming to see you tomorrow; you don't think he's coming all this way just to find out if you've recovered from a drinking binge, do you?"

"Yes...no...yes...I don't know," wailed Anna.

"Then tomorrow for God's sake don't start telling him how ugly you are," Harry said, "because he won't believe you."

"Harry's right darling, you've got to stop disparaging yourself; you've got so much to offer."

"Joshua didn't want it," Anna moaned.

"No, well, that's his loss isn't it; and he did want something from you, your brain. It seems his brother is a bit more perceptive. Now don't you think you should go to bed early and be nice and fresh when he comes tomorrow?"

Anna clung to Alice for a bit longer and then said, "I don't know why you put up with me."

"You know the answer to that," Harry said, "and besides, we need someone to put Tessa to bed and read her stories -- only joking," he added hastily.

Alice accompanied Anna to her room and tucked her up in bed as if she was a child. 

"Do you want Harry to give you some more of those sleeping pills?"

"No, I'd rather manage without," Anna replied.

Alice kissed her and then left.

Anna laid awake for a long time thinking about all that had happened to her; what Alice had said about their parents; Joshua whom she still saw as her great love and David's forthcoming visit and what she now felt to be her uncertain future. When she slept she dreamt again of standing at the end of the world and was about to fall off. 

* * * * * * * *

The day dawned fine and promised to stay fine. The headaches and buzzing sounds in Anna's head had diminished during the week, but now they were back again

At breakfast she said she didn't want to face David and tried to get Harry to agree to tell him that she was too unwell to see anyone.

Harry, understanding what was going on inside Anna, refused to say any such thing. 

Alice said, "Darling, he's coming all this way to see you and you've told him it was all right, you can't just turn him away like that. At least see him, and then you can explain that...oh I don't know...just tell him how grateful you are that he helped you when you needed help."

"Yes, that's all I need to say, isn't it?"

"If you don't know what..." Harry started to say, but Alice frowned him into silence.

"Just be nice to him, darling, don't make his trip seem worthless."

"But Josh..."

"Face it darling, Josh is history; he always was, and as far as I'm concerned, thank God for that. That exploitive devil was never worthy of you."

"But I..."

"Yes we know, you loved him. The only thing that worries me about that is your poor taste. He used you, like a lot of other people used you."

When you are looking forward to something like a child longing for Christmas to arrive, the time always seems to drag. When it's something you're dreading, like the dentist, time seems to fly. 

The latter applied to Anna that Saturday morning. 10 o'clock came with a rush. David did not arrive. Anna, who prior to the hour had started to tremble, began to relax, telling herself that David had changed his mind and was not coming. 

10-30 and still David had not turned up, and then, just when Anna had decided he definitely wasn't coming, his car pulled up outside the house.

The headache began to throb more violently and the noises in her head were worse.

When Alice met David at the door he was all embarrassment and apologies which he was still making when he came to Anna in the lounge.

"Sorry...really sorry...they had road works for several kilometres; traffic down to one lane and a speed limit of twenty five; I thought I'd never get here. How are...how have you been? I've been worried about you, I thought..."

Alice, feeling she ought to intervene said, "Anna has been very unwell and she's staying with us for a couple of weeks. I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself properly. I'm Alice, Anna's sister. 

They shook hands and this was followed by an awkward silence. Anna had still said nothing and was looking very pale. Alice asked, "Can I get you a cup of coffee or tea, David. You've had a long drive."

"Er...yes...that would be nice, thanks."

"Tea or coffee."

"I...er...tea thanks." 

Alice left them and Anna spoke at last.

"Sit down David."

"Yes...thanks. So you've been unwell."

"Yes."

Her next words came out in a rush.

"I didn't thank you for looking after me that night and I want you to know that I'm really grateful. God knows what might have happened to me if you hadn't been around."

"Oh, I'm sure..."

"No David, a lot of people...men... wouldn't have bothered the state I was in. And I have to thank you for behaving like a gentleman...oh God that sounds so Victorian...but you know what I mean."

"Yes." He grinned ruefully. "It wasn't very gentlemanly going to sleep in your bed with you there." 




The Ugly Duckling



"You couldn't help that."

"No, I suppose not. You know I didn't do..."

"Yes, I know."

Another silence ensued, broken by the arrival of Alice with tea.

"David," she asked, "have you ever been to Point Dolphin before?"

"No, never."

Anna, when you finished your tea why don't you go for a walk with David and show him around."

Anna saw a chance of protecting her self and said, "Yes, that's a good idea, we can take Tessa and Ben can come in the pram."

Alice saw through her ploy and said, "Tessa's gone to play with a friend and I don't want Ben going out because he's got a bit of sniffle."

And so Anna was condemned to a walk alone with David.

The tea drunk they headed for the beach and as they walked Anna asked, "Is Josh very angry with me?"

"Let's just say he's not very happy about you, but Deborah is furious. She says she'll break off the engagement if he ever has anything to do with you again."

"You can hardly blame her," Anna said contritely.

"No, I suppose not but...look, I didn't come just to see how you are."

"I'd wondered about that," Anna replied. "I mean, you could just have asked over the phone and..."

"I wanted to see you again. We had such a bad start and I thought we might pick up the threads again...make a fresh start...that is...if you want to."

"I can't understand why you're interested David, a drunken abusive woman who must have looked ghastly and..."

"We all have our good and bad days Anna."

"My God David, you are forbearing. How do you know I don't often have bad days like that?"

David grinned and said, "If I don't see something of you I'll never find out, will I?"

"But I still don't understand; why on earth do you want anything to do with me?"

"Oh, come on Anna, that's pretty obvious isn't it?"

"Obvious? It isn't obvious to me."

"All right, I'd better reveal my sordid motives. When Josh and I came to pick you up the night of the celebration and I saw you, I thought what an attractive girl you are and how I hoped that evening wouldn't be the only one."

Anna almost made one of her self-disparaging remarks but she had been lectured enough by Alice about that to stop her self just in time.

In the silence that followed she weighed what David had said, and asked herself if she wanted to see more of David.

As if picking up her vibes David said, "Of course it's really a matter of whether you want to see more of me or not. Look, I hope you won't mind me saying this, but I think I understand about you and Josh."

"Josh!"

"I think you're in love with him. I also think that's what you're behaviour was about that evening. You were devastated when Josh announced his engagement. Even in the car I could see how badly you'd taken it."

"Since you seemed to have seen through me, yes, I was in love with Josh, I had been for years, and I'd hoped that...well its all pointless now; the best girl won."

"Did she? I don't think so Anna, and I think Josh won't think so for much longer. I've got to see a bit of Deborah -- not much -- but enough to know she's a spoiled brat. I suppose you know she's the potential heiress to a fortune when daddy goes to that great stock market in the skies.

"No, I didn't know that," Anna gasped. 

"Well it's true, but what about my question, would you mind if I saw more of you?"

"If you think it worthwhile," Anna said, trying to sound casual.

David laughed, "That's another thing I won't know until I get to know you better."

Anna glanced at her watch and said, "Alice will be getting lunch, we'd better turn back."

Over lunch David met Harry who had returned from Saturday morning surgery. They seemed to get on well, and spent most of the lunchtime talking about fishing, the dangerous currents off the Point, and where the best snapper were to be caught. There was some suggestion that David should return, perhaps for a weekend, and they would go out fishing in Harry's five metre fishing boat. 

From having looked forward with considerable trepidation to David's visit, and actually having wanted to avoid him completely, Anna now felt slightly irritated that Harry was taking up so much of David's attention.

Tessa eyed David somewhat curiously, as if trying to make up her mind where he fitted into the scheme of things. Ben took David's presence in his stride and happily coated his face with some sort of puree. 

Alice seemed to be taking a great interest in David, and momentarily Anna, rather unworthily, thought that Alice might be getting a crush on him. 

Anna's head had stopped aching and the buzzing noise had diminished considerably. She thought it strange because she hadn't noticed this happening. She wondered what would happen after lunch. 

Lunch over it was David who settled what was to happen.

"I'll have to get back to town," he said, "I've still got some reports to prepare about my stay in London, and some schedules to get ready for staff training."

"When can you visit again David, next weekend?" Alice asked. Anna thought she sounded a trifle too eager.

David glanced at Anna but she gave him no sign of agreement or non-agreement. 

Harry said, "You could stay over night and we could go out a try our luck in the boat; what do you say?"

"Well, if I wouldn't be too much trouble."

Harry laughed and said, "If you'd be too much trouble I wouldn't have asked you; so that's settled."

As David drove away Anna had a strange hollow feeling in her stomach.

Back in the kitchen Alice burst out, "Well, you've certainly hooked a good one there Anna."

"I haven't hooked him, and I wasn't fishing for him. He just came to see how I was." She knew this wasn't the case but wasn't prepared to admit it.

"He drove all that way just to enquire after your health? Don't give us that Anna, he came for more than giving you a health check," Harry said.

"Such a good looking young man, and so courteous," Alice added. 

Anna knew they were right, but embarrassed she blushed and fled to her bedroom.

* * * * * * * *

The next day, Sunday, Anna found herself alone with Alice for a couple of hours, Harry having taken the children to the beach. Her sister took advantage of being alone with her to raise a matter she had been thinking over since their talk about their parents.

Sitting in the garden under the shade of an apricot tree, Alice said, "When we spoke about you're studying law, you didn't sound too happy about it; how do you feel?"

Anna shrugged; "Its okay, but I feel it isn't what I really want to do, but I don't know what else I could do."

"You love children don't you?"

"Yes."

"Then why not think of working with them?"

"Doing what?"

"How about a kindergarten teacher?"

"You mean drop law...change courses?"

"Yes, why not if you're not happy in what you're doing."

Alice paused for a moment and then went on, "It's time to stop trying to please mother and father; they're dead and it wouldn't have worked even if they were still alive; we were just their little accidents."

"You may be right," Anna said speculatively, "I'll think about it."

"Look, it's getting close to the end of the academic year, then there's the long break. If you decide to make the change, then why bother to sit the end of year exams. Stop here with us until you have to sign up for the new course."

"I will think about it Alice," Anna repeated.

That ended the matter for the time being.

The following weekend David drove straight to Point Dolphin from work, arriving late on Friday evening. 

This time Anna felt none of the apprehension she had experience the previous weekend. She was looking forward to his arrival and had even planned some of the things they might do together. This was in a sense a new experience for her because such dates as she'd had, even if they got past the first time, which they rarely had, were always arranged by the men. 

She found, however, that she wasn't going to have David all to herself. Harry was to take him out on Sunday morning in the boat fishing.

Thinking about this, she realised that she had known little about Josh's interests for all that she had known him for several years. She knew he played football, but that was about all apart from his amorous activities. He had come to her when he wanted her help, or when he was fixing up a date with her for one of his mates, but of himself he had given her nothing.

Despite what David had said about his reasons for wanting to get to know her, old habits died hard. He certainly would have no problem in attracting girls, so why her? She wanted to believe that what he said about her being attractive was true, but something inside her held her back from accepting this. 

It was late when he arrived and there was little time for talk, so it was not until the next morning that Anna and David got together. 

Anna had planned that if it was a fine day they would go to the beach for a swim. This nearly came unstuck when David pointed out that he hadn't brought any swim wear. Anna, however, was determined that they would have their swim so she made David go to the supermarket and buy some cheap swim shorts.

In usual Anna style her own swimwear was not exactly sexy, but it has to be said that the way she filled her one piece managed to imply that the garment was definitely seductive.

Another strange thought occurred to Anna. She would never have let Josh see her dressed like this. She was still convinced that she was fat, but somehow she didn't mind David seeing her, she wanted him to see what she thought of as at "my worst." 

There were plenty of people on the beach and Anna was sure that David would be eyeing the bikini clad girls, but he seemed only to be interested in her. All very strange she thought, and she wondered just how far David's interest in her would go. 

Alice came down to the beach with the children and she was dressed in a bikini, and Anna had to admit that she looked stunning. For a while they played with the children, Alice teaching Tessa to swim -- or more accurately how to flail her arms and legs in the water - while David and Anna sat at the water's edge with Ben who seemed to have developed a taste for sand and the small shells that lay around. 

When Tessa had flailed herself into a state of near exhaustion Alice asked if they would keep an eye on her while she went for a swim.

Left with the children David said, "Your sister is a fantastic looking woman isn't she."

"Yes," Anna said, "she always was the beauty while I was the ugly duckling."

David looked at her, a puzzled expression on his face, but said nothing. 

Silence ensued broken only by Tessa complaining that the sandcastle kept, as she put it, "breaking." David pointed out that dry sand was not good for sandcastle building and damp sand would serve much better, and joined Tessa in the construction business. 

* * * * * * * *

After lunch Anna and David went for a walk in the wooded hills that reared up behind Point Dolphin. When they stopped for a rest David asked, "When will you be coming back to the city?"

"I don't know, why do you ask?"

"Oh, it would be easier to see you, to get to know you; I told you that was what I wanted to do."

"Getting tired of the drive here already are you?"

David looked baffled and then started to say, "I didn't mean that Anna, I just..."

Anna felt suddenly remorseful. He had asked a perfectly natural question and she had made an unnecessarily cutting remark.

She touched his arm; "I'm sorry David that was a rotten thing to say, but I really don't know when I'll be leaving Point Dolphin."

"You see Anna," David said, "There are times I have to travel interstate and be away for a couple of weeks or more. I have to train staff in the various branches, and I know I'll be going to Perth shortly, so I thought our seeing each other would be easier if you were back in town."

Anna was silent for a while, and then said, "I've got something to ask that I shouldn't, but I will ask it."

"What?"

"Is my being back in town really important to you?"

"Yes, it is Anna."

"I can't understand why, but if that's the way you feel, then that's the way you feel."

"I know how you feel about Josh, but Anna, what I suppose I'm asking of you is to give me a chance. I'm not trying to rush anything, I just want you to get to know me and see if we can't...well...let's leave it at that for now."

"Josh is obviously a dead letter as far as I'm concerned, David. He's engaged, I wrecked his engagement celebration, and if ever he wants anything more to do with me it will be a miracle. But my point is, are you really interested in second hand goods?" 

"Second hand goods, what second hand goods," David asked, mystified.

"Me David...me...there's been Josh for all those years and..."

"But that's ridiculous Anna. You surely don't think I didn't expect you to have had men friends before I came along. I've had women friends and I don't see my self as second hand. It's all a matter of finding the right one, the one you want...well, to have an ongoing relationship...a...permanent relationship with."

Anna laughed mirthlessly. "My God David, are you saying you're trying me out. I suppose I should be flattered, but in fact I can only question your taste."

There was a silence for a few moments and then David burst out with an edge of anger in his voice.

"Why do you keep doing this Anna?"

"Doing what?"

"You keep putting your self down and seem to deliberately misunderstand quite harmless things I say and ask. If you don't want me around then why not just say so. Tell me I'm wasting my time and to go away."

Anna began to cry, "I...I...I don't know why I say those things David...no that's not true, I think I do know why now. They just come out without my thinking about them properly. You've been so kind and...and I'm sorry. I don't want to tell you to go away, but...but I think you should, I'm not worth it..."

"There you go again," David said, putting his arm round her. "I think you're worthwhile getting to know so...oh God, you've not been well and I'm behaving like a pig."

"No...no you're not David, you're a very nice man and I'm grateful that you're interested in me, it's just that I can't really understand why. Josh never..."

David flared again, "Anna, I'm sick of hearing about Josh. If he didn't return your love then bad luck for him, but you don't think it was only good looking girls he was after, do you?"

"Of course it was; he always had attractive girls fawning over him."

"Yes, and he used them just as he used you, but as I understand it in a different way. I know my brother, and all he was waiting for was a girl to come along who had access to plenty of money." 

"I'm sorry if that disillusions you, but that's how he is. If you want the truth then I'm not sorry you and he were never lovers and that he used you to help him through his studies...oh yes, I know all about that because I've confronted Josh about it."

Anna gave another mirthless if tearful laugh. "Oh, I knew all about that...that I was his coach, and you know, it never made any difference about how I felt about him."

"I'll tell you something else as well, Anna, I doubt if he'll ever marry Deborah, but if he does he'll find out he's taken on a rough handful. Can you imagine it, two selfish people in harness; it won't last. And here's something else; if it doesn't last, he'll come hunting for you, because he knows you're as unselfish a girl as he'll ever find, and any interest you have in me might die."

Anna thought for a moment about the self-centeredness of her parents and that their marriage might have lasted but for the plane crash. She thought David was wrong about Deborah and Josh. They might well make a good match, just so long as they didn't have children. This she thought, but said nothing. 

David was still talking, "Now, you see Anna, I've played your game and given you good reason for not being interested in me. How do you like it?"

"I don't," Anna sobbed. 

"Why," David pressed her.

"Because....because I am interested and I want you to be interested."

"And Josh?"

"He had his chances, and it's too late for him now. He hurt me often enough, but he did it once too often. You see, the ugly ducking can peck."

"Well thank God that's settled," David laughed, "and don't you ever call your self an ugly duckling again."

"No I won't," Anna sniffed, "have you got something I can blow my nose with?" David brought out a few tissues from his pocket and proffered them to Anna. 

"Thanks," sniff, "we'd better," sniff, "be getting back."

They returned holding hands.

* * * * * * * *

The next morning David and Harry went out fishing. Anna, who had been out fishing with Harry during her previous visits, hoped she would be invited to go along, but no such invitation was extended.

She and Alice once more went to the beach with the children.

"Do you want to talk about David?" Alice asked. 

"Do you want to?" Anna asked suspiciously.

Alice shrugged, "Only if it will help you."

"You've taken enough interest in him yourself." 

Alice looked at Anna questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"I've seen the way you look at him, you fancy him, don't you?"

For a moment Alice looked as if she was about to explode with anger, but when she spoke it was in a calm level voice.

"Anna, you've said yourself that I've got an adoring husband; I've also got two lovely children; do you think for one moment I'd put all that at risk by fancying some young man who is interested in you, and not me? All right, David is a damned good looking young man; he's polite and considerate, and I suspect, is about to fall in love with you. Whatever interest I have in him is in relation to you."

"Why do I always say awful things Alice?"

"Because you're still unsure of yourself, Anna."

"I've got something I want to confess to you, Alice."

"What?"

"When you met Harry and brought him to our place, I was so jealous. I...I wanted him."

"Yes, I could see that Anna."

"And you never said anything?"

"What was there to say? I was sure of Harry's love, and you were only...how old were you?"

"Seventeen I think."

"I felt sorry for you, but Harry was never for you. He loves you just as I do and as the children do, but someone else was waiting for you."

"Josh was..."

"No Anna, Josh was never for you. I knew it back then and I'm even surer now. There's a lovely young man who has come into your life and you'd be a fool to let him go. Do you know why those two have gone out in the boat?"

"To fish, I suppose."

"No Anna. When I asked Harry why he wasn't taking you as well, he said 'It's secret men's business.' Do you know what that means?"

"No idea."

"They want to talk about you, just as we've talked about David."

"But why?"

"I think because David is a bit old fashioned in some ways. He's going through the...what can I call it?" She laughed and then went on, "The courting process." 

"What does that mean?"

"Well today boy meets girl, boy and girl get together in back of car, or if they're lucky in bed. Girls get pregnant, boy runs or marries."

"But...but I'm not like that."

"No darling, I think you're a bit old fashioned yourself." 

"I am not."

"I think you're still a virgin."

Anna's face flushed pink, "Yes I am."

"How many girls of your age do you think are still virgins?"

"I don't know, not many I suppose."

"You're right, not many."

"You weren't a virgin when you married Harry. Those nights he stopped at our place I could hear you."

It was Alice's turn to blush.

"I was sure of Harry's love and we only....only...well we were engaged, and I wasn't pregnant when we got married."

"What's this got to do with Harry and David out in the boat?"

"Well David is trying to find out if he'll fit in with the family; I suppose in a way he's asking Harry if he can court you."




The Ugly Duckling



Anna was flabbergasted. She remembered how David had asked Josh if their parents knew about his engagement and how Josh had replied quite casually that they would be letting them know shortly. She wondered if Deborah's parents had been told. People were so casual about these things.

"You mean he's actually asking Harry's permission to...to..."

"Exactly my dear, he's asking Harry's permission, and I'm fully expecting him to have a word with me."

"What will you say?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know."

"Then I shall say that if he loves you, and you love him, then I've got no objection. Do you love him?"

"I...I don't know -- Alice?"

"Yes?"

"When you were with Harry...I mean to begin with before he stayed overnight with you, did you get feelings?"

"Feelings; what sort of feelings?"

"I don't like to say but...but..."

Alice chuckled, "You really are old fashioned. If you mean did my vagina start lubricating and my nipples hardening and I felt as if I could let Harry have sex with me, yes, of course I did." 

"Your very frank, Alice."

"Well I don't know how to put it delicately. Do you get like that with David?"

"I did yesterday when we came back from our walk."

"Didn't you ever feel like that with Josh?"

"Well...yes and no."

"Yes and no?"

"It was different."

"Different?"

"If he'd have asked me to," Anna said thoughtfully, "I'd have let him, but the feelings I had with him were different."

"To those you're having with David?"

"Yes; I can't explain how they're different, they just are. I'd never have asked Josh to make love with me, but I could ask David."

Alice fought back a laugh, and keeping her face serious said, "My dear sister, I think you'd better ask Harry to give you a prescription for the contraceptive pill."

"Well it won't happen -- not until I go back to town -- that is, until I'm back in my flat and that's might be some time off." She added hastily, "If it happens at all."

"Oh, I think it will happen if David keeps coming to see you." Smiling she added, "And I don't think you'll have to ask him. What's more, I don't see why see why it shouldn't happen here."

"In your house?"

"Why not? I don't want my sister to have her first sexual experience in the back of a car, and David's car isn't very big -- or on some mossy bank as the poets might say; it would be very uncomfortable."

"Oh Alice I don't know if..."

"Look Anna, David isn't going to ask you until he's sure about you -- if he's sure you don't simply want sex for the sake of sex, but that you want it with him, and by that time you'll have made up your mind."

"Are you sure...I mean, he won't try and force me..."

"My God Anna, I sometimes wonder about you. You told me yourself he spent all night with you and he didn't do a thing."

"That's true," Anna said thoughtfully.

The distant buzz of an outboard motor was heard. Alice shaded her eyes and looked out to sea.

"They're coming back. I wonder if they caught anything. Let's get back to the house and prepare lunch."

* * * * * * * *

When the men entered the house they had the look of conspirators. That they had only caught one rock cod that they threw back didn't seem to matter.

Lunch over Anna and David found them selves alone in the lounge; Alice, Harry and the children having gone out somewhere. 

"Anna," David began, "I'm off tomorrow to Perth for a fortnight; you know the training thing I told you about."

"Yes?"

"So I won't be able to see you until I get back."

Anna laughed and said, "I could hardly expect you to travel a couple of thousand kilometres just for a weekend visit."

"Would it be all right if I telephoned you, just to find out how you are?"

"Of course it will be all right David, but I'm feeling a lot better now, so..."

"Suppose I make it seven o'clock in the evening?"

"Every evening!" Anna exclaimed.

"Yes, will that be okay?"

"Yes...yes...but if the line's engaged, you know, Harry being a doctor he gets..."

"Then I'll try again."

"Right, I'll wait for your call then."

"When I get back I'll come and see you here unless you're back in town."

"I don't think I'll be back in town; Harry and Alice have suggested I stay on until the New Year -- by the way, I won't be continuing my law studies, I'm changing courses."

"What to?"

"I've not decided yet, but something to do with children -- perhaps kindergarten teaching."

"Ah, yes, I can see you in that role. I'm sure you'll fit that better than soliciting...sorry, I mean being a solicitor. When I get back, do you think we might...well...think...talk about an ongoing relationship?" For the first time in her life Anna spoke to David as she had never spoken to a man before. Afterwards she wondered where she had got the nerve from. 

"Yes, David, we can talk about it if you want to..."

"I do...I certainly do Anna."

"But I can tell you now that I do want us to go on seeing each other."

"My God, that's a relief," David gasped. "I wasn't sure so..."

"Well now you can be sure, and here's something to seal the contract."

She went to him and kissed him on the lips, not very expertly because few males had ever got that far with her.

"Here's something else," she went on, "I think I'm in love with you."

"I know I am with you, Anna," David replied. 

There was a breathless moment, neither of them knowing what to say or do next. Then the better practiced and more expert David stood, took Anne in his arms, and kissed her.

"There," he said, "That seals my side of the contract. And now I've got to leave you."

"Already, when we've just...just..."

"I've got some bits and pieces to tie up before I leave for Perth, and you wouldn't want me to lose my job through incompetence, would you?"

Anna might have liked to have said "Yes" stay and lose your job, but having already an inkling about where things might head in the future, and where her best interests might lie, she said, "No, of course not."

The rest of the family had not returned, so David left a thank-you note. This time as he drove away Anna did not have that hollow feeling. She was on cloud nine. He had said he was in love with her and that was the first time a man had ever said that to her. When the rest of the family returned she was bubbling over.

Alice, seeing that something important had happened got Anna alone. 

"Well?"

"Oh Alice, he said he's in love with me and..."

"That's obvious," Alice interjected.

Anna blushed and said, "I told him I thought I was in love with him and I wanted things to be...to be...er..."

"Ongoing?"

"Yes, something like that. Was I being too pushy, Alice?" ''

"You really are a darling, Anna, no wonder he's in love with you. You're so...so ingenuous you can't help being honest."

She flung her arms round Anna, hugging her close. 

"You are a lovely girl, a really lovely girl."

"Don't Alice, you'll make me cry."

* * * * * * * * *

The next fortnight was in part euphoric for Anna. David was in love with her, and she was now sure she was in love with him. Along with the euphoria went some anxiety which she shared with Alice. 

"Two weeks is such a long time, Alice, you don't think he'll find someone else."

"Will you?" Alice asked.

"No of course I won't," Anna protested. 

"The why should you think he might? From what I've seen of him he's a very honourable young man, and why would he endanger a relationship that's shaping up to be something very important in both your lives. Good God, Anna, he's told you he loves you, what more do you want?"

Anna mulled over Alice's question, "What more do you want?"

David's nightly telephone call sustained her to some extent as they shared the events of the day and their welfare. 

Alice's question, however, continued to engage her thoughts. She waited until she and Alice were alone to together to take it up.

"Alice, do you think David will want to make love with me?" 

"Think...think...my God Anna, if he doesn't want to make love with you you'd better drop him right now. Think! Of course he wants to make love with you."

Alice paused for a moment and then asked, "Are you asking because you don't want to make love with him?" 

"No Alice...no...that's not it at all. It's just that...well...I feel a bit scared, you know I've never had a man and..."

"Darling, it happens for the first time for most of us and there's nothing to be scared of."

"But I won't know what to do."

Alice laughed gently and said, "Darling, nature helps quite a bit, and I'm sure David's had some experience, so..." 

"Will it hurt very much?"

"There's usually some pain when you're a virgin." "Did it hurt much when you and Harry..."

"Yes, it hurt, and Harry said he'd stop, but I told him to finish."

"Finish?"

"Yes, put his sperm in me; that's what sexual intercourse is about...well...that and the pleasure leading up to our orgasms. But after that first time Harry didn't touch me for three days, and after that we just..." Alice's face flushed, "I suppose we just went a bit wild."

"You mean for three days he didn't want you?"

"Oh, he wanted me all right, but he wanted me to heal so he showed me what I could do to help him."

"What?"

"Well he...are you really so ignorant about sex, Anna?"

"I've told you, I've never had a man and if David wants me I want to make it as good for him as I can."

"I think I'd better give you some basic sex instruction, Anna. Would you like me to show you?"

"How can you show me, you're not a man?"

"No darling, and I'm not gay, but I can still show you if you want me to."

"All right, show me."

"Come with me to my bedroom then."

Curious, Anna followed Alice to her bedroom. There Alice opened a draw in the bedside table and took out what Anna at first thought was a piece of green plastic. 

"What's that?" she asked.

Alice held it up, "Can't you see what it is?"

Anna suddenly recognised what it was from pictures she had seen of the male sex organ.

"It's...it's...a...a..."

"Dildo darling, that's what it's called."

"But that's what women use when they don't have a man to..."

"Yes, but it has other uses."

"What?"

"Men and women like to play sex games, so this is one of the things Harry and I use when we're playing."

"But David and I won't be playing, will we?"

"Not at first, it takes time for you to discover what you like."

"So what's the use of showing me that?"

"Anna, for an intelligent girl you really can be dumb at times. This looks like a penis, right?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

"So I'm going to use it to give you some basic instruction in sexual intercourse; now watch."

Alice removed her panties and lay on the bed.

"For the first time at least David will lay on top of you -- other positions come later. You lay like this with your legs open."

Alice suited action to word and spread her legs. 

"David might have a little difficulty in find your opening at first, so you have to help him. You hold his penis like this, and guide him in."

Alice drew the dildo to her opening and saying, "Once he feels he's at the entrance to your vagina he'll push in like this."

The dildo slide inside her.

"Then he'll start to move like this."

She began to slide the dildo back and forth in her vagina.

"Nature will probably take over and you'll start to push up against him like this."

She again suited action to word. 

"Eventually, probably the first time he'll come very quickly. That's when it can get really wild, especially if you come together. You'll feel his sperm filling you and you'll want to get it in as deep as possible, so you'll try to drag him in deeper. My God, I think I'm going to come. I wish Harry was here."

Anna watched fascinated as Alice worked the dildo ever more frantically in her vagina. 

Suddenly Alice screamed and then wailed, "Move it for me...move it for me..."

Anna took over following Alice's instructions.

"Faster...harder...deep...deep...deeper...mmm...mmm...ohmmmaaa."

Alice relaxed and lay still unspeaking for a while, and then she sat up and holding the dildo vertically she said, "If you're too sore after David deflowers you can help if you -- well look, this is the head of his penis..."

"I'm not that stupid Alice."

"Just listen and watch, this could be important, you might want to do this when you're having your menstrual period. You see, there's the foreskin -- it doesn't move on the dildo, but if you take hold of David's foreskin and move it like this, you'll make him come. It won't be as good as the real thing, but it helps. There is something else you could do...no, perhaps better not go into that at this stage."

Anna, who had to some extent had the theory of love making, had been entranced by Alice's practical demonstration. She therefore was a trifle piqued when Alice refused to go on.

"What had we better not go on to at this stage?" she demanded.

"Well, it's not something that everybody likes so..."

"What don't they like?"

"Oh all right, if you must know. If David lies down you can give him oral sex."

"What!"

"You don't have to, but David would appreciate it and he'll probably reciprocate. You don't have to swallow his sperm if you don't want to, you can finish him off with your hand."

"Do you swallow Harry's sperm?"

"Yes...yes I do."

"What's it like?"

"Well...it's...it's...That's enough Anna. I've shown you the basics, you can learn the rest as you go along."

"You mean there's more?"

Alice laughed and said, "There's lots more. Now I'll just clean this thing and we can have a cup of tea."

She left Anna and went to the bathroom to wash the dildo. Anna was both intrigued and slightly alarmed at the prospect of sex with David. She began to wonder if they had a university course in love making. 

* * * * * * * *

Anna waited eagerly for David's return. Two days before he was due to arrive she said, "He'll sleep in the guest room of course," then added significantly, "The one with the double bed." 

The implication of that statement Anna needed no instruction in. David arrived on Friday evening, having flown in from Perth during the day and driven almost immediately to Point Dolphin.

Anne and David greeted each other with a lack of restraint that suggested the truth of the old adage, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Harry and Alice wondered if they were going to drag each other off to bed immediately, but no such high drama took place that night. Anna and David went to their separate rooms, both no doubt regretting the absence of the other.

The next day they could barely leave each other alone, constantly kissing and embracing and called each other, "Dear," "Darling," "My love," and not caring who saw or heard them.

They went together for a walk, not caring where they walked, and David, wound up to fever pitch said to Anna, "I love you and want to marry you."

For a moment Anne reverted to her old self and said, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm very sure; I'm surer of this than I ever been about anything in my life."

"Then yes David."

"Thank God for that," he said. "I was so afraid I'd lose you."

"Lose me?"

"Josh."

"Josh, what about Josh?"

"His engagement has broken off."

"What...how...why...?"

"I told you what I thought of her. She's gone to Hollywood.

"Hollywood, what for?"

"Oh, from what I can gather some film type told her she had the looks to make a star, so off she went. No doubt daddy paid -- probably glad to get rid of her, and I suspect he wasn't too impressed with Josh as a future son."

"Do you think she's got a chance?"

David grinned and said, "Well, she's got the bust for it and she's probably prepared to do whatever it takes to get into the industry, if you know what I mean, but I doubt if she's got any talent beyond that. Have you any idea how many good looking girls there are in Hollywood looking for a break? And do you know how many of them end up soliciting on the streets or working in dives to make a few dollars?

"A lot, I suppose," Anna sighed.

"Still, as long as daddy pays up I suppose Deborah won't need to sink into the pits. She'll just open he legs for anyone she thinks has got some influence and who promises her he'll see she gets a part."

"How did Josh take it?"

"I've only spoken to him over the phone; he's putting on a brave front; pretending he doesn't care and that he's glad it's over. He might be in a way, but I expect he's regretting the loss of all that money he thought he could tap into." 

"David, apart from him being your brother, what has Josh got to do with you and me?" 

"I think you know the answer to that Anna. I told you that if he and Deborah did break up, his little brain might finally realise what he's been missing with you."

"Then his little brain will have to go on missing, won't it?"

"Look Anna, I know I'm not as interesting -- exciting as Josh..."

"You're far more gentle and caring than Josh. All right, he can impress and get almost any girl he wants, David, but look at the girl he finally chose. They break up after a few weeks. I want something more stable than that, and that something is you."

"Are you sure?"

"Now you're sounding like I used to be before I met you. Do you think I'm a slut, David?"

"Good God no, you're the very opposite."

"Then you won't think I'm a slut if I say I want to come to bed with you tonight." 

There was a long pause and then David said, "Are you sure Anna? I thought we might some time, but I expected it to take a lot longer and...well, I want you to be sure."

"I am sure David, but there's something I want you to do before that."

"What?"

"When we get back to the house I want you to telephone your parents to tell them we're engaged."

David chuckled, "As a matter of fact I've already told them about you and that I was going to ask you to marry me."

"You did; what did they say?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course I do you silly man," Anne said.

"They said that if I have chosen you to marry, then they knew you would be something special, and they want to meet you as soon as possible."

Anna leaned against David and he put his arm round her, holding her close. "Yes, I am special David, because you make me feel special."

"Soon you'll feel special because you will know you are and you won't need me to tell you."

"I do love you David."

"And I love you."

"You will be careful tonight, won't you?"

"Careful?"

"I'm...I'm a virgin."

"You...you...all those dates that Josh fixed up for you and..."

"David," Anna said earnestly, "If I come to your bed tonight, it won't be for recreational sex, it will be serious. I shall come to you because I trust and love you and because I believe you love me. It will be important."

"I know darling," David said gently, "It will be the closing of one chapter in my life and the opening of another and permanent one. I've not been as promiscuous as Josh, but there have been a few girls."

"Yes, I thought there had been, so you you'll know how to go about it."

David laughed, "Darling, I sometimes think you're unconsciously funny. Yes, I suppose I know how to go about it, but in a way I wish I didn't."

"Why?"

"I think it would be nice if you were my first."

"And then you'd have to go on experimenting until you found the right one. No, I like you as you are."

"You haven't experimented, so does that mean...?

"No it doesn't David. Alice wasn't Harry's first sexual experience, but he was hers, and look how it's worked out for them -- and don't you dare say it's different for men. It just so happens that like Alice I've found the guy I want first time around."

David wondered if she would still feel like that after the coming night, but he said nothing.




The Ugly Duckling



[This story got its inspiration, but not its theme or plot, from a very old movie with very haunting theme music, "A Summer Place"; that starred, among others, Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue as young lovers. While the world of the movie, and the novel it was based on, are, like Tara, "Gone With the Wind", the intensity of first love never changes, and the portrayal in this movie is one of the better characterisations; or at least I think so. – PS]

[All characters in this story who are involved in serious sexual situations are at least 18 years old - PS]

*  *  *

Christopher looked around the classroom, temporarily ignoring his history teacher. She was droning on about the causes of the First World War. He was going to have to write an essay on one of them very soon, but that wasn't really worrying him, after all, history was his best subject, and he already had his university admission organized. All he needed was to maintain an average above 70 to keep it from being revoked.

No, the problem was sitting two rows over and slightly ahead of him ... and it had a name, Eleanor. The problem had beautiful long auburn hair, done this day in a flowing pony tail; grey eyes, clear glowing skin, and a tantalizing shape, one that curved in all the right places. The problem also had a way of dressing that made male hormones jump into overdrive!

Since Christopher had recently split up with his girlfriend Carol, he was free to chase the problem. Unfortunately the problem was quite elusive; three times he had asked her out; and three times she was: "Busy." The third rejection was given in a way that didn't exactly leave the door open for a fourth attempt!

The break up with Carol, he had to admit to himself, was all about ego ... his ego. He had to face facts; she was three years younger than him, and he was basically in it for purely physical reasons. He had never seriously kissed a girl before he dated Carol, and really didn't know what to do. She was able to help him overcome this difficulty, despite her tender age, and certainly taught him plenty during a number of heavy "necking" sessions. But one night, when he tried to take things farther by touching her breasts through her blouse, she had immediately stopped him, saying: "You know I'm only fifteen."

That crushing rebuke pointed out the folly of their "relationship" ... if you could even call it that. He was eighteen and needed a girlfriend that was more his own age. Besides, you couldn't take a fifteen year-old to the senior prom ... c'mon ... how pathetic could a guy look?

"Apparently pretty bad," he answered himself ruefully, because if he couldn't get Eleanor to go with him, and that was looking increasingly hopeless, he was then facing the further humiliation of attending the prom stag; or with one of the less attractive girls. Perhaps even taking a Grade 10 girl would have been better than that!

There was still time, but only six weeks, and he knew which girls did not yet have escorts. He had this information from his close friend Peter, who was very firmly plugged in to all the romantic events affecting the senior class via his girlfriend Catherine. Eleanor was about the only unattached female left who met his self-imposed criteria for female adolescent beauty. To go with any of the others would be "slumming", although, he thought to himself grimly, it might just come down to something really depressing, like Kathy or Phoebe, both of whom had, at various points in time, signalled their interest in him.

Of course the realistic side of his personality made him admit to himself that he wasn't exactly the hottest member of the male species in Grade 12, despite his lofty standards for feminine company. He was just totally, totally average, in height, weight, looks, and athletic ability. About the only place where he stood out was in the intellect department. He wasn't the smartest senior by a long shot, but he was fairly well up the chart, and had the grades to prove it!

"Do you really think you're good looking enough, or cool enough, for a girl like Eleanor?" he asked himself sarcastically, "Get real, she's probably 'Mission Impossible' for a guy like you."

As he morosely considered his rapidly vanishing prom date prospects, his thoughts returned to Kathy, in particular, as an option. He suspected that she had a crush on him; because he had caught her surreptitiously staring wistfully at him on a few occasions. Kathy had flame red hair, an almost unmanageable mane of it, along with a zillion freckles, brown eyes and a pointy nose. And for good measure, no discernible figure! But she did dress nicely, and was one of the smarter members of his class. Phoebe was a bit better looking than Kathy, and actually had breasts, but wore totally weird clothes, and had a very annoying way of laughing at things that were not really even funny.

Maybe he should ask Kathy out on a date, he decided; that way if he had to settle for her for the prom, it wouldn't look to her like she was a desperation choice.

"Like she is," he thought to himself grimly.

"Why, oh why, oh why did I tell Peter about Eleanor?" he thought bitterly. He could only imagine how amused his friend would be once the news broke that Kathy was going to be his date, "Maybe this will teach you once and for all to stop shooting your big mouth off," he added inwardly, with a shake of his head, "talk about a loser!"

There was perhaps only one upside in this scene of unmitigated disaster. It was possible, given Kathy's apparent attraction to him, that if he took her on a few dates prior to the prom, she might let him get past first base at the end the evening. After all, she was also eighteen, and even if she had never had a boyfriend before, she might want to have sex with him if she liked him a lot. And anyway, it was the senior prom, and it was sorta traditional for kids to lose their virginity that night.

But just as he was considering his chances of seducing Kathy, and unabashedly trying to imagine what her pussy might look like, another memory involving her crept into his mind, leaving him feeling a little ashamed of himself.

"You don't fuck the face," one of his friends, Mike, had crudely suggested one time, while they were sizing up some of the less attractive girls in the cafeteria, including Kathy!

Mike, a self-professed expert on the opposite sex, maintained that ugly girls were good bets for action, especially if you, as a guy, were someone who wouldn't normally be boyfriend material for them.

"They'll usually come across pretty quick," he had said with a smirk, "just to make sure you keep taking them out; and so they can show you off to their girlfriends, who are usually members of the ugly club as well. Only problem is that sometimes they fall in love with you ... and then it's really tough to get rid of them."

Christopher didn't share Mike's rather cynical view of young women, or his opportunistic strategies for sexually exploiting them. He reminded himself that even a "Plain Jane" type of girl like Kathy would probably have some standards, and might not throw herself at him just because she liked him, and he had taken her to the prom. If he was going to go to the prom with Kathy, he'd better make sure he behaved just like he would with an Eleanor; it wasn't Kathy's fault that his love life was a fiasco!

*  *  *

Later that morning, he was heading downstairs to the cafeteria for lunch when he spotted Kathy at her locker chatting with a few of her girlfriends, all of whom Christopher knew. He boldly strolled right up to them and joined their conversation, which he could tell from the suspicious glances surprised them. After a few minutes discussing the history essay, and who was going to the basketball game after school, and so on, he politely excused himself to go get his lunch.

For once, the gods were smiling on him, because right afterwards, as he walked back to his locker, he noticed that Kathy was again at hers, retrieving her books for the afternoon classes, alone.

"Now or never," he thought to himself.

"Hi Kathy," he ventured, which earned him a shy smile.

"Hi Christopher," she answered; a little nervously it seemed to him.

"I'm glad I caught up with you ... I was wondering ... well ... I was wondering if you were doing anything Friday night. Maybe we could go to a movie or something."

"Oh Christopher, I'm very sorry, but I have a date with Matt ... he's taking me to the prom."

"Oh ... ah ... sorry," Christopher stammered, trying to regain his composure after this disastrous disclosure, "I didn't know you and Matt were an item."

Matt was very much in the same adolescent average category as Christopher, without quite the same level of academic accomplishment.

"We're not quite that," Kathy said by way of explanation, "we just started going out last week."

"I understand," Christopher said, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

And then it was time to save face.

"Maybe another time ... if things don't work out with you Matt ... I mean not that I'm hoping for that ... but ..."

"It's OK," Kathy interrupted him, clearly trying to save him from further embarrassment, "Can I get a rain check?" she continued in an encouraging tone of voice.

"Good any time," he answered, attempting a smile of his own.

The two of them chatted for a few more minutes, but it was getting close to time for classes.

"See you later then," he said, turning away.

As he trudged back to his locker, a positive torrent of self-recrimination flooded his thoughts. Kathy was a lot nicer than he had realized, and while he was smooching away the school year with Carol, and then chasing the unattainable Eleanor, a major romantic opportunity was slipping right through his fingertips. And he knew that Matt was a decent guy, so there was a better than even chance that he and Kathy would become an item, and to top it all off, probably end up having sex after the prom. And where would he be ... with Phoebe? God forbid!

As he returned to his locker, he felt like one of those cartoon characters that walks around with a rain cloud over their head, while everyone else is in the sunshine.

*  *  *

By the end of the day Christopher was in no mood for basketball games, not with everyone, and Peter and Catherine for sure, asking about prom plans. So he decided to go to the library and begin work on his history essay.

When he got there it was almost deserted, everyone else was down at the gym no doubt, taking in the action with their arch rivals from across town. Deserted, that is, except for the one permanent fixture of the reading area, Alice. Now Christopher knew Alice, and had even spoken to her on a few occasions, but she was hardly of any interest to him romantically speaking. Amongst the social zeros of the senior class, Alice was so low that she rated a negative number!

There she was ... heavy unflattering glasses with industrial strength rims, obscenely large braces, zits, no makeup, not even lip gloss, and a totally nondescript wardrobe ... faded badly fitting jeans, and a shapeless ratty looking top. She had dark brown hair that she kept tied up in a ponytail with an elastic, and spent all of her time either reading, making notes, or hiding out at the back of class, clearly hoping that the teacher would not call on her. Most of the kids, both male and female, when they noticed her at all, made fun of her, but Christopher didn't, in fact he felt rather sorry for her.

In his present dismal mood, he decided that misery needed company, even if the company was Alice.

"Hi Alice"

"Hi Christopher," she replied in a shy small voice.

"What are you working on?" he asked, observing that she had several books propped open and had been writing in a notebook.

"That history essay we got today ... I've just started."

"That's what I came here for," he responded, trying to sound friendly, "how come you aren't at the basketball game?"

Alice looked at him, as if making a decision, and then in a hesitant tone of voice, answered.

"I don't like to go to things like that ... I always have to sit alone ... and sometimes people laugh at me."

In an odd way, Christopher warmed to her; he had always hated cruelty, and he knew how mean some of his friends could be when they took verbal shots at those they considered to be their teenaged inferiors.

"Sometimes people are real jerks ... it makes you wonder," he said to her.

He and Alice discussed the essay for a few minutes, and after a while Christopher forgot who he was having a conversation with. And Alice seemed to relax too, and even made a few jokes that got them both laughing.

Alice, it turned out, was quite a bit smarter than Christopher, or any of his friends, suspected. She loaned him one of her books, and pointed out passages here and there that fit the criteria for Christopher's essay topic. With this assistance from Alice, Christopher soon had a very satisfactory outline for his own essay. Suddenly, Alice looked up at the clock.

"I've got to go," she exclaimed.

Christopher also looked at the clock; it was just 4:30.

"Already?"

"I have a job," Alice explained.

As Christopher walked home later, he reflected on his conversation with Alice.

"It's too bad she's a walking disaster area in the looks and clothes department," he thought to himself, shaking his head, "because she's actually quite an interesting person."

*  *  *

Over the next several weeks, Christopher met up with Alice in the library several more times, and he found that he really enjoyed talking with her. Of course his friend Peter ragged on him quite a bit about this, and his announcement that he was going to the prom stag.

"What do you see in that chick?" Peter teased, "God, you are past desperate!"

Even the beautiful Catherine, who was usually very supportive, was critical.

"Christopher, if you keep hanging around with Alice, no other girl is going to ever go out with you," she warned, "I don't mind Alice, I mean the glasses and braces and zits are revolting, but you can't hold that against a person; however, most of the other girls think she's strange, because she doesn't seem to care about clothes or boys or anything."

"If those same girls got to know her," Christopher said defensively, "they might be very surprised."

"You're probably right ... but I mean let's face it," Catherine said with a grin, "shallow and superficial, and being a teenager, just kind of go together, now don't they?"

But he was undeterred. It was nice to have a female friend he discovered, one where no romantic or sexual tension interfered with things.

*  *  *

Alice actually lived quite near Peter, he soon found out. Right on the west side of a four lane street that separated two residential districts, each with very different socioeconomic profiles. The beautiful house that Christopher lived in sat on a large professionally landscaped lot. It was surrounded by other large custom built expensive homes. Alice's district was a mixture of older, small, story and a half houses, along with an increasing number of newer larger ones, as families that found the prices east of the main street too high, were tending to purchase the much less expensive homes on the west side, and then having them demolished to make way for new ones, thereby gaining access to the area schools and other amenities.

A few weeks into their friendship, Christopher offered to walk Alice home one evening, after they had done some homework in the library together. As they strolled along, Alice, for the first time, answered some of his questions about her family, and volunteered some personal information.

"My father died when I was five," she explained, "My mom owns our house ... but it's just a little one ... there was some insurance money, but not much else, and my mom used it pay off the mortgage, and to live on until my younger sister was in school. We don't have a lot, because my mom got sick when she was young, and only barely finished high school."

"Is she OK now?" Christopher asked, trying not to imagine what it would be like to have your father die at five, and a sick mother on top of that.

"She's fine now ... some new drug that's really expensive ... but she doesn't have a very good job ... that's why I work ... to help pay for things."

"These houses," Christopher said, pointing at several of the smallish ones that dotted Alice's street, "are getting to be worth quite a lot ... my parents have discussed it ... maybe your mom should sell yours?"

"She knows that, but she doesn't want to until my sister is finished high school ... plus it's a good location to commute to university for me."

The realization dawned on Christopher that, based on the apparent financial situation in Alice's family, there was no way her mom could afford to send her away for school. Christopher, and most of his friends, were all relatively well off. Some of them did have part-time jobs, like Alice, but used the money to pay for clothes and cell phones and the like. None of them had to actually help their family with real bills.

Alice had really gotten the short end of the stick in her life, he decided. Not only did she inherit bad eyesight, bad teeth, and acne, but unlike a Kathy, she didn't have the money to deal with any of these problems.

As their walks continued, Christopher learned a number of additional things about Alice that underlined how much he had, and sadly, how little she did. Alice's mother had got her the braces by taking advantage of a university teaching clinic that provided the labour for free, and the materials at cost, but she had to wait several years to get Alice an appointment. Alice didn't have a cellphone, and was responsible to give her mother the majority of her working money. There was only the most basic of cable TV packages, no computer, much less an Internet account; one dilapidated old car, and no money for eating out, or joining a recreational league or club of any kind. Her mother worked rotating shifts, and took any overtime she could get in an instant!

Christopher wanted to help Alice, he had never known anyone who was actually poor ... or compared to himself, close to it ... but he also had a sense, as he got to know her better, that she had some pride ... despite her circumstances.

It was on their fifth or sixth walk home.

"Alice ... my father just bought me a new laptop as a present for getting accepted into university ... would you like my old one?" Christopher asked casually, "Otherwise I don't know what else to do with it ... it's just sitting on a shelf at home ... but if you don't want it, that's OK ... I mean it is two years old."

Alice just stared at him, apparently speechless. As Christopher returned her unbelieving gaze, he noticed how very blue her eyes were, behind the ugly glasses. How come he'd never noticed them before?

And suddenly Alice's arms were around his neck as she hugged him, and then just as quickly drew away from him, looking embarrassed with herself.

"Would you like to stop at my place and pick it up on the way home?"

Still no words, but a nod and a smile that said: "Yes".

By the time they got to Christopher's house Alice had regained the ability to speak, and started to ask all sorts of excited questions about the laptop, which wasn't surprising as she had to use the pathetic collection of computers in the library if she wanted to do research on the Internet, or type up her school work.

An off-hand suggestion that Alice could bring the laptop over to his house to use the wireless Internet connection anytime she needed to, or their colour printer, if she had a project or an essay to print out, earned another grateful look, and as he walked her home afterwards, he felt very pleased with himself.

*  *  *




The Ugly Duckling



A few days later, he got a request from Alice to come over on a Saturday morning so she could use the Internet connection. Of course when she arrived at the door, his mother just had to come and inspect her, no doubt thinking she was a new love interest. Christopher could tell by the surprised look on his mother's face that Alice was not at all what she expected in terms of appearance. But his mother was nothing if not a nice person, so she chatted with Alice in a friendly way before offering coffee or hot chocolate, and toasted bagels, to the two of them.

When they had their food and drinks, they retreated upstairs to Christopher's room. At his suggestion, Alice set herself up at his desk so she could work. Christopher had just barely got up in time to greet Alice, so he excused himself so that he could shower and shave. After dressing in the bathroom, he returned to his room to get the skin cleanser he used to keep his face clear of pimples.

"What's that?" Alice asked shyly as he carefully scrubbed his face with one of the disposable pads.

"Oh, this stuff ... it's great for preventing zits, I use it all the time. When I was fifteen I was a mess, so my doctor suggested I start using this ... you don't need a prescription, although it is a bit expensive ... but worth every penny!"

"That's for sure what I need," Alice said with a grimace, "how much is it?"

"About $60 for a package of 100 of these things," he answered, waving the used cleansing pad in the air, "and a tube of stuff for a breakout ... plus the taxes."

"Wow ... you weren't kidding when you said expensive," Alice said, looking discouraged, "I just can't seem to get my face cleared up."

"Tell you what," Christopher replied, opening his top drawer, and withdrawing an unopened package, and a brand new tube of the medication, "take these, and try it for yourself."

"But it's too much money," Alice protested, "and you'll have to ask your parents for more."

"No I won't ... I get a monthly allowance from my dad for clothes and things like this, plus I have my summer job money ... I'll just buy some."

"Are you sure?" Alice asked in a hesitant tone as he handed her the things.

"Positive ... look at all the help you gave me with the history essay ... think of it as a reward."

"I really shouldn't."

"Oh yes you should," Christopher said firmly, pressing the tube and package into her hands, and then turning away to prevent further protests.

"I'm going to go downstairs to look at the Saturday sports section of the paper while you work," he added, "c'mon down when you're finished."

With this, Christopher collected their dirty dishes and left Alice to her computer.

When he got downstairs, he went into the kitchen to put the dishes in the dishwasher. His mother was there cleaning up from breakfast.

"New girlfriend?" she asked cautiously.

"No, just a friend, that's it. She's not much to look at, but she's very smart, and fun to talk to!"

"Poor girl," his mother clucked sympathetically, "those braces are hideous, and the glasses aren't much better. She needs to do something for her blemishes ... there's no reason for a girl to have to go around like that these days."

"Her family doesn't have any money ... she has to work after school to help pay bills at home ... her father died when she was five."

"Oh dear ... Christopher you should help her a little ... but don't be obvious about it."

"I already have mom, I gave her my old laptop, and just now I made her take some of my acne stuff to try out."

"That's good, but don't go too far, otherwise you might hurt her feelings."

*  *  *

Christopher and Alice had agreed that Alice would come over again on Sunday afternoon to finish up her work, since Christopher would be watching football on television anyway. When she arrived and rang the bell, Christopher's mother answered the door. As he came downstairs to the front hall, he overheard Alice complementing his mother on the house. A short three way conversation ensued which ended with his mother congratulating Alice on her university plans. Alice had explained that she was trying for a scholarship, but if she didn't get it, she was more than prepared to get student loans.

After settling Alice in his room, he came back down to the den and switched on the television. By the time the second quarter was over, Alice was finished, and Christopher offered her a soft drink before she went home. As they sat in the den with their drinks, talking, they were once again joined by his mother, who interrupted a lively conversation about music.

"I'm not trying to pry, but does your mother mind you coming over here Alice?" she asked.

"She says it's OK as long as you or his dad are here ... she's not too keen on it just being the two of us. I've tried telling her that we're just friends, but I don't think she believes me," Alice said, giving Christopher a smile, which was followed by a nervous giggle.

"Being a mother, I completely understand her position," Christopher's mother laughed, "but you are 18, so she better get used to you being alone with boys. Anyway I'll leave you two here ... all alone ... I have to go to the store. Bye Alice."

Later that evening, he was helping his mother clear off the table after dinner, when she brought the subject of Alice up again.

"You know Christopher ... I wouldn't be surprised if Alice is looking at you as more than a friend."

"How so?"

"Well I've only seen her twice, but there's a certain something when she looks at you that's more than friendship."

"You're just imagining things," Christopher protested, colouring.

"I don't think so ... and I'm a women ... we can sense these things ... so be careful ... if you aren't interested in her as a girlfriend, make sure she knows that, or you'll break her heart."

"OK."

"By the way, who are you taking to the prom?"

"No one," Christopher answered, trying to hide his disappointment.

"Who is Alice going with?"

"I don't think she's going at all ... in fact I'd be surprised if she could afford a ticket."

"Maybe you should take Alice; after all it is her senior prom? But only if you make sure she knows where she stands. You could go together as friends ... if that's how you want it. It would be better than having her sit at home. And since you two seem to have a good time together, it might be fun for both of you!"

"I don't know," Christopher said, after considering this revolutionary proposal. Going to the prom with Alice ... what would his friends say?

"If Alice gets her skin cleared up," his mother said, giving him a knowing look, "and fixes her hair and puts on some makeup and a pretty dress, she might not be too bad to be seen with ... she does have some nice features, but you just don't notice them because the of the braces and glasses and acne. She certainly won't be the prom queen, mind you; but probably not a total embarrassment to a guy like you."

"I guess so," Christopher grudgingly admitted. His mother could see right through him!

*  *  *

Christopher spent the next week arguing with himself about the merits, and mostly demerits, of being seen with Alice at the prom. I mean sitting in the library, or walking home with her was one thing, but the prom ... people would think they were dating. Peter and Catherine would probably die laughing! And all the other girls would be in stylish dresses; who knows what Alice might have lurking in her closet, judging by the rest of her wardrobe? And she was clearly in no position to go out and buy something new to wear.

But his mother kept pestering him about it, and treating him like he was committing a crime against humanity by letting poor Alice wither away at home on prom night. Finally he just couldn't take it any more ...

"OK, OK, I'll ask her ... there are you happy?"

"When?"

"Tomorrow night. She's coming over to print out her book report."

*  *  *

"Alice."

"Yes."

The printer was busily clicking away in the background.

"Would you like to go to the prom with me ... as friends?"

A lengthy pause ... and then ...

"Thank you Christopher," Alice said in a small quiet voice, "that's the nicest thing you've ever done for me, and you have done a lot of very nice things. But I don't think it would be a good idea ... and I don't have anything that I could wear anyway."

There was another lengthy pause, until finally Alice spoke to him.

"I have to go to the washroom," she said, almost in a whisper, rising abruptly and leaving the room.

"I'll go get us a snack," he called after her, also getting up and heading down to the kitchen to prepare something. He was unsure how he felt about Alice's rejection, and he didn't want to speak to her again until he sorted out his own feelings. Part of him was disappointed, and part of him relieved.

He busied himself preparing some cheese and crackers, and pouring some soft drinks, when he heard his mother calling down to him.

"Christopher can you come upstairs please."

"In a minute mom," he replied; what did she want?

"Right now please!" came the next request, in a tone of voice that didn't seem to suggest there was any option.

"OK, coming."

Christopher bounded up the steps and discovered his mother in his room with Alice, who was sitting on his bed; she looked like she had been crying.

"I heard Alice crying in the washroom, what's going on?" his mother said, giving him a stern look.

"Nothing, I asked Alice to the prom, like we discussed, but she said no ... that's all ... she wasn't angry with me ... were you?" Christopher asked Alice in a hesitant way.

"No," Alice whispered, putting her face in her hands, and very much looking like she was going to start crying again.

"What's the matter dear," Christopher's mother said, sitting on the bed beside her, and putting a sympathetic arm around her.

"I ... I ... would ... like ... to go ... to the prom," Alice whispered in a low strangled voice, "but I don't have anything to wear ... and just look at me ... I'm a mess ... and the other kids would just laugh at Christopher ... and ... and he's been so nice to me ... I just hate my life ... I just hate it ... I just hate it ..."

With that Alice dissolved into tears, this time burying her head in his mother's shoulder as she sobbed uncontrollably.

"Christopher," his mother said as she comforted Alice, "why don't you go back downstairs and finish up whatever you were doing, I'd like to talk to Alice by myself for a few minutes."

This statement was also delivered in a fashion that did not suggest it was open to discussion, so Christopher did as he was told. As he finished up in the kitchen, he was partly confused and partly angry.

"If my mother hadn't pushed me into asking Alice, this never would have happened ... and now Alice is all upset."

He tried to distract himself by finishing up the snack tray, washing a few grapes, and snipping them into groups of three or four before scattering them around the edges in the way that his mother did when she prepared a cheese tray.

After what seemed like forever, he heard the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. And then his mother and Alice entered the kitchen. Alice looked happier, although her eyes were still a little red from the crying.

"Alice has something to ask you, Christopher," his mother stated.

"Christopher," Alice said in a quiet voice, "if I got myself all fixed up ... would you take me to the prom?"

"Of course," Christopher answered, trying very hard to be as much of a gentleman as he could, "I would love to ... and I have an extra ticket, so you don't need to get one."

"Why don't you and Alice go on into the den and watch TV," his mother suggested diplomatically, "I need to speak to your father about something."

TV seemed like a good distraction, after the emotional scene in the bedroom. There wasn't much on, but Christopher found an old movie, "A Summer Place", and they watched it while making small talk during the commercials, keeping the subject of the prom completely in the background for the balance of the evening.

*  *  *

He didn't see Alice for the rest of the week; she was either working after school, or just not using the library as much. Remembering what had happened when he talked about the lovely Eleanor as his date, he decided to keep his plans a total secret until the night of the prom. Nor did he see Alice on Saturday, as she had left a note in his locker saying she had to work, but also asking if he could look up some reference material from the Internet and print out the pages for her, which he did. Sunday morning, he slept in late, and then showered and went down stairs to get breakfast. His father was in the den finishing his coffee, so Christopher joined him and they discussed the various football games that would be on TV that day and evening.

The doorbell rang, and his dad asked if he would mind answering it, apparently his mother was expecting someone. When he opened the door he got a surprise ... it was Alice!

"Hi," she said, looking about as excited as he had ever seen her. Behind the terrible glasses her eyes were positively sparkling.

Just then his mother swept into the foyer.

"All set?" she asked Alice.

"Oh yes," Alice replied with a happy look.

"Where are you going?" Christopher asked, initially perplexed.

"None of your business," his mother said loftily, "we're doing girl stuff ... you wouldn't be interested."

Alice started to laugh.

"See you later," his mother said in a highhanded fashion.

With that the two of them swept out the door leaving a suspicious Christopher standing in the hall. He was pretty certain what was going on, but he decided to confront his father anyway.

"Mom's buying Alice a prom dress, isn't she?"

"Of course ... do you think your mother is going to let you go to the prom with your new girlfriend looking like a sack of potatoes?"

"She's not my girlfriend ... we're just friends!"

"Fine have it your way ... but if you must know, she called Alice's mother and asked if it would be alright to do this so Alice could go with you. Of course Alice's mom was a bit insulted at first, but your mother got around her, you know how insistent she can be, and it's all agreed, we're treating Alice to prom clothes."

"But that's going to be a lot of money!"

"I know, but look at it this way ... we never had a daughter, just you ... not that I'm complaining ... so everyone is happy ... your mom gets to go prom dress shopping, just like she had a daughter of her own, and you get to have a date with Alice wearing something nice. Your mother is pretty clever, she told Alice's mom that the dress could be altered and used again for Alice's sister in a couple of years ... that seemed to close the deal."

"But wouldn't Alice's mom want to come along shopping too?"

"She was invited, but made an excuse ... maybe she thought she'd be nervous around Linda ... your mom I mean."

"Maybe we could get her some better glasses," Christopher's father said with a wink, "that way your ... ahem ... friend ... would look a little better."

With that, and a chuckle, he picked up his coffee mug and left the room.

While Christopher wasn't exactly thrilled about the way his parents were interfering in his social life, he had to admit to himself that it was probably for the best. His mother had excellent taste, and his father had money ... a perfect combination, given the circumstances. He might not have the most beautiful date, but he probably would have one of the best dressed ones!

Somehow, the prospect of escorting Alice to the prom no longer seemed quite so daunting ... in fact he was starting to look forward to it.

Later that afternoon two very excited females returned home, burdened with bags and packages.

"Alice is going to show your father what we chose," his mother explained.

When he asked if he could see as well, his mother just blew him off.

"It's like a wedding dress," she said with a laugh, "bad luck if you get to look at it before the big event ... but it's absolutely lovely on her. God I wish I was young again and could wear something like that ... you're going to just about faint!"

"And we got a few other things," she continued, turning towards his father, "like you and I discussed. There was a sale on ... so it wasn't too bad, except for the dress. Make sure you're sitting down when you open the credit card bill!"

His father just grinned and waved a hand at her, he obviously wasn't too worried.

After Alice modelled for his father, they sat in the kitchen and had a snack. He had never seen Alice quite so happy.

"Your mom bought me special underwear as well," Alice said a little shyly, as she helped herself to the potato chips, "because the dress is strapless and I don't own a strapless bra ... and I also got a matching pair of bikini panties," she added with a nervous giggle, "I actually blushed when I tried them on!"

"I never knew that nice things could make you feel so sexy," she continued, as she coloured a little and looked downwards, "I'm very timid about my body, but when I put those on in the change room, it was like I was a different person."

"Nice clothes make you feel good about yourself," Christopher said diplomatically, taking a handful of the chips for himself.

"Sometime when I'm feeling extra brave," she said in a whisper, while giving him an engaging smile, "I'm going to let you see me in them."

Now this was a new situation! Christopher hadn't really ever thought about Alice in that way until now. Even though she was a girl, and did have the requisite curves, somehow he never really considered her as an object of desire. But the image of her in skimpy underwear suddenly jumped into his psyche, and once there, had no intention of leaving.

Later on, he drove Alice, and all her purchases, home.

"By the way," Alice said, "I borrowed the book that movie was based on; it's interesting."

"Which movie?"

"You know," Alice answered, "'A Summer Place'"

"Oh," Christopher said, the mystery now cleared up.

"See you at school," Alice said as she got out of the car, "and next week, I'll have a surprise for you."

"Like what?'

"Wait and see!"

*  *  *

The surprise must have been of some importance, because Christopher had been invited over to Alice's house for dinner ... on a school night! The prom was only a week and a few days away, and the entire senior class was getting excited. In fact it was about all anyone was talking about!

All of his friends still assumed that he was going stag, and Peter and Catherine seemed to feel it was their duty to give him a "pep talk". He listened to their advice patiently, still wondering what their reaction to Alice as his date would be.

Christopher had never had anything but a few very short conversations with Alice's mother, but this evening was different.

"Alice wasn't at school today, is she OK?" he asked.

"She's fine ... she'll be down in a minute," she said as they walked into the living room, "are you allowed to drink wine?"

Christopher nodded in the affirmative; he had brought a bottle as a hostess gift.

"You're not just saying that, are you?"

"No, once I was sixteen, my parents let me have a glass on special occasions."

"I made Alice wait until she was eighteen ... not that we have wine very often in this house ... but sometimes when we go to the relatives for a dinner we get to have some."

Alice's mother got up and retrieved a corkscrew, and three wineglasses, from the adjoining dining room, and Christopher drew the cork from the bottle, pouring some in each of them. 

After tasting the wine, she said, "That's very good."

"Thanks, my father chose it ... he knows quite a lot about wine."

"Before my husband died we used to have a nice bottle for dinner on weekends, or on special occasions ... and this is certainly one of those."




The Ugly Duckling



Just then Alice entered the room, and Christopher was awestruck!

She was wearing brand new glasses, ones that suited the shape of her face, which somehow seemed different. And then when she smiled at him he realized the reason why, her braces were gone! These two changes, coupled with a new haircut, makeup, and the fact that with her skin was virtually blemish free, had totally transformed her appearance. As she came up to him, the skirt of the brand new dress she was wearing swayed magically as she walked, and he detected traces of perfume, which added to an air of sophistication ... and allure.

"You look wonderful," he managed to stammer; and indeed she did!

"We owe a lot to your parents," Alice's mother said, "I don't know how to ever thank them for what they've done."

"Me neither," Alice said in a very sincere fashion.

"It's OK," Christopher replied cheerfully, "my dad explained it to me ... my mom got to have a daughter for a few weeks ... and she had a blast."

"You're the first person outside of my family that gets to see the new me," Alice said happily, "and even better yet, Susan is s-o-o-o jealous."

Susan was Alice's younger sister.

"Alice!" her mother said sharply.

"Well she's been teasing me about my braces forever ... it serves her right."

"I managed to get them taken off today," Alice explained, "when you asked me to go to the prom I called them and got an early appointment ... even though I practically had to beg ... thank goodness they're gone ... finally!"

"Here drink this," her mother said, proffering a glass of wine, "but not too fast, or you'll end up talking about Christopher even more than normal."

The dinner was simple, but a complete success. Even Alice's sister got caught up in the aura of happiness that exuded from every part of Alice.

*  *  *

The following day at school was a revelation! He had barely got to his locker before first period when Catherine rushed up to him.

"Have you seen Alice? It's amazing!"

"She looks nice, doesn't she," he replied, trying to be casual, and more importantly not to burst out laughing.

"Nice ... she's beautiful ... who knew?"

"Wait till they see her at the prom," he smiled to himself.

"And she's got new clothes, and new glasses, and everything ... what happened?"

But Christopher refused to enlighten her, making an excuse about needing to get to class.

By the end of lunch Catherine was full of further news.

"Tony asked Alice to go to the prom with him ... but she said she already had a date ... I wonder who it is?"

"You should have asked her," Catherine continued, in a scolding tone, "instead of going alone."

"We're just friends," Christopher responded, enjoying himself enormously.

But there were a few thorns in his bed of roses, because when he went to pick Alice up to walk her home, he discovered several guys sitting at the table in the library with her, and trying to have a conversation.

"Where were these clowns when she was the class wallflower?" he thought to himself angrily, striding over to the table.

"Ready?" he asked, glaring at the two would-be lotharios.

Alice gave him a winning smile, and then got up and led him by the hand out of the library.

But the walk home was certainly fun, as Alice described in hilarious terms her reactions to the complete about-faces made by so many of the kids who had previously ignored or laughed at her.

*  *  *

Alice had to work on Saturday, but wanted to use the Internet on Sunday, so they set a time in the early afternoon.

"Guess what?" she said the moment he let her inside the house.

"No, what?" he answered.

"My mom has a chance at a new job ... with no shift work ... she's going to an interview next week. And it has benefits ... she could get help to pay for her drugs."

"Tell her good luck from me," Christopher said with complete sincerity.

Christopher then took Alice upstairs to his desk, after which he left to go watch football. But he found himself distracted. Even though it was the same Alice on the inside, the outside now said many other things ... things that had a lot to do with her being a member of the opposite sex!

Eventually Alice joined him, and, after placing her laptop on the coffee table, sat down right beside him on the couch.

"Are your parents here?" she asked.

"No they're out this afternoon."

"Oh."

They watched the TV together for a few more minutes, but Christopher sensed that something was different somehow.

"Can we have some music instead of football?" Alice finally asked.

"Sure, the game isn't very good anyway," he answered, getting up to put the stereo on.

They sat in silence, listening to the music. Something was definitely on Alice's mind, he was absolutely sure of that, because she wasn't usually so quiet when they were together.

"Christopher," a cautious voice said, "can I ask you for a favour?"

"Sure, why not," he replied.

"Well ... I ... well ..."

"Oh c'mon Alice, just ask me," he said in an encouraging way.

"I'm sorta not sure ..." she said, "because it might change things between us."

What was this?

"How so?" he asked; now thoroughly confused.

"OK ... here goes," Alice answered, and then she paused for what seemed to be forever, before continuing, "Christopher ... would you kiss me?"

Christopher was a little stunned, he had no idea that this was coming!

He must have looked pretty surprised, because Alice hurriedly gave him an explanation in a small pleading voice.

"I've never kissed a boy ... and I don't want to be the only girl at the prom who hasn't ... and you told me that you and your old girlfriend did a lot of kissing, so I figured you knew how."

"Alice," he finally said, regaining his composure, and trying desperately to think of the right thing to say, "I ... I would be thrilled to be the first boy you ever kiss."

"How do we start," Alice said, her blue eyes showing some excitement.

"You should probably take your glasses off ... we don't want to break them," Christopher suggested.

Alice placed her glasses carefully on the coffee table, and then snuggled up close to him.

"I'm ready," she announced with a small nervous giggle, tilting her head towards him.

Christopher leaned over and kissed her, at first a gentle brush against her lips, and then after he had done that, he opened his mouth, and was surprised to discover that Alice followed suit, and the chaste first kiss soon turned intimate. Alice might have been a beginner, but she was a very fast learner, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him to her. Christopher was soon overwhelmed by the electricity of their contact, as they kissed more and more deeply, until finally they stopped for air.

"That was wonderful," Alice whispered, panting a little, and slightly flushed.

Christopher was surprised by his own reaction to the kiss; Alice was a lot more desirable than he had ever imagined ... and the scent of her perfume, and the deep blue of her eyes were intoxicating ... stirring every male instinct he had ... so much so that he kissed her again ... and she kissed him back with even more enthusiasm, their tongues wrapped in a passionate dance.

Suddenly they heard a cough, and broke hurriedly apart.

"Anyone home," he heard his father's voice say as he closed the front door.

"In here," he answered, "Alice came over to use the Internet."

"Hi Alice," his dad said from the hallway in a friendly way, "I don't want to be rude, but I can't stop and talk, I need to get changed right away ... your mother and the others will be here any minute."

Alice returned his father's greeting, and then they heard him rapidly climbing the stairs.

"Why don't I walk you home," Christopher offered.

"OK," Alice said, putting her glasses back on, and giving him an inviting smile. No more kissing, at least for now, her eyes said. But it was also very obvious from that same look that more kissing would not be considered an unwelcome idea!

Once they were safely outside, they started walking towards Alice's house.

"Do you think your father saw us," she asked in a serious way.

"Probably ... that's why he coughed instead of coming right into the den ... he wanted to give us a chance to break it up."

"What will he think?" she said a little fearfully.

"He'll think he just caught his son kissing his new girlfriend," Christopher responded, "that's what he'll think."

"Girlfriend?" Alice asked shyly, with a note of surprise in her voice.

"I hope so," Christopher said earnestly, looking right into her eyes; they had stopped walking.

"Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

"Oh, yes," Alice said happily ... and then in a puzzled way, "what happens now?"

"I think we're supposed to kiss."

"You mean like Sandra Dee said in that movie: 'Right here in front of God and everybody'"

"I think so," Christopher said taking Alice in his arms.

They kissed again, and Christopher was now overwhelmed with her ... she was so soft, so warm ... he had to struggle to keep his hands chastely around her waist ... after all they were in the middle of a street!

When the kiss ended, Alice just looked into his eyes, with a soft glow that was almost like adoration behind her own.

"What would my mother think," she finally said in a low voice, gently scolding herself, "imagine, kissing a boy like that right out in public."

They started to walk again, hand in hand. There somehow didn't seem to be any need for words.

"Do your parents know that you're going to the prom with a wanton hussy?" Alice said, breaking the silence after they had gone along for a bit.

Christopher laughed at her joke.

"But I do think you need to kiss me quite a lot more ... I've lost a lot of valuable time," she added with a giggle.

And then, in a much more serious way, almost half to herself: "No wonder girls get carried away ... I had no idea you could feel like that."

"Like what?" he ventured, taking a chance.

"Never mind," she answered coyly, her eyes sparkling.

*  *  *

That night, after the guests had left, his father had quite a bit of fun at his expense.

"I may not see very well at my age Linda, but it looked an awful lot like Christopher and Alice were kissing in the den when I interrupted them this afternoon." his father said mischievously to his mother.

"Of course Christopher and Alice are only just friends," his father added with a chuckle, "or at least that's what he keeps telling us," he said, obviously enjoying himself, "that's why I put that nice couch in there, so Christopher could use it to entertain her ..."

"Dad," Christopher complained, although he knew it wasn't going to do any good.

"Leave him alone, Roy," his mother said, although she was also laughing, "Alice is a nice girl ... although didn't I warn you Christopher that she might want something more than just being a 'friend' ... you men are all alike when it comes to women ... clueless!"

"Alice asked me to kiss her, mom," Christopher protested.

"Oh sure she did," his mother said with a knowing smirk.

"She did too!"

"Kind of reminds me, Linda, of when you and I were first dating, and we got 'friendly' at your parent's house. Your mother was pretty hot stuff Christopher!"

"Roy ... stop it, you're embarrassing me!"

"She practically threw herself at me," Christopher's father said, giving him an exaggerated wink.

"I did not!" his mother said hotly.

"Some girls just don't know how to play 'hard to get', Christopher ... she just couldn't keep her hands off me ... I mean you talk about easy!"

"You are such a liar," his mother said archly, now blushing, "and it certainly wasn't my hands that needed supervision." Christopher could see she was somewhere between half-amused, half-flattered, and half-annoyed.

"As I recall you were the one chasing me ... not the other way around." she said, giving his father a swat on the arm, "and if you keep talking like this in front of your son ... well ... I hear the bed in the guest room is comfortable."

Afterwards, Christopher retreated to his room. It was hard to think about his parents being the same age as he and Alice ... and kissing, and doing other things ... but obviously they must have, or he wouldn't be here!

*  *  *

The days leading up to prom night swept by like a blur. He and Alice had discussed the logistics of the evening. Christopher would drive over to Alice's first, so her mom could see them all dressed up, and then the two of them would return to his house for pictures. Afterwards, a limousine would take them, along with Peter and Catherine and two other couples, out to the dinner dance, and then later on drop them at the after party, which was at Catherine's house. Christopher had money for a cab to take them back home, at whatever ridiculous hour the evening actually ended.

Finally, at long last, the big day arrived. Christopher put on his tuxedo, filled with anticipation. When he was ready, he went downstairs to collect the corsage he had bought for Alice, and to borrow his father's car keys.

"You look very handsome," his mother said wistfully, "almost all grown up ... it makes me feel so old."

"No you're not," Christopher said gallantly, kissing her on the cheek, "Alice and I will be back here for the pictures pretty soon ... and mom ... thanks for what you and dad did for Alice."

"You're welcome Christopher."

When he got to Alice's house, her mother greeted him.

"Are you excited?" she asked.

"Yes ... something tells me I'm going to have the best looking date at the prom," he answered, with all sincerity.

"What time will Alice be home ... not very early I suppose?"

"Probably 3 or 4, but don't worry Mrs. Andrews, my dad gave me money for a cab ... I'll make sure she's OK."

"Will there be drinking ... as if I didn't know?"

"At the after party ... at Catherine's ... but her parents will be there, and we have permission ... I don't think anyone will get out of line ... at least I hope not ... I certainly won't."

"You are a nice young man, Christopher," Alice's mother said with a sigh, "and I trust you ... just get my baby home safely ... I know that sounds stupid ... after all she's eighteen ... but when you're a parent you'll understand."

"Where is that girl?" Alice's mother then continued, suddenly sounding annoyed, "Does she think you've got all night?"

Just then Alice appeared, "I'm ready," she said to them.

And then Christopher just stared ... and stared ... and stared, at the vision before him. Alice was wearing a short blue organza dress, with a flaring full skirt that ended above the knee, showing off a pair of shapely legs sheathed in shimmery stockings. From her waist to the low cut bodice, the material wrapped horizontally around her in a series of small folds that accentuated her breasts. The flowing skirt itself was cloaked in another layer of transparent glistening blue fabric that gave it further fullness. Around her neck was a silver necklace, one that sparkled against her skin, and she was wearing a set of matching dangling earrings. She had put her hair up, which emphasized her graceful neckline, and had soft blue eye shadow, mascara and glossy light pink lipstick on. Her skin was more radiant than he had ever seen it; and her smile even more so.

"What do you think?" the vision asked softly, her eyes dancing with excitement.

"You look incredible," he said, meaning every word.

"Thank you, I'm sorry I'm a little late, but I wanted to look perfect for you."

And then the vision turned into his Alice, "I hope I don't fall over in these shoes," she giggled, "I'm not very used to wearing such high heels."

Christopher then noticed her stylish white shoes, which made her almost as tall as he was.

"This is for you," Christopher said, collecting himself enough to present the corsage, "I got one that goes on your wrist, because you told me the dress was strapless."

"It's so lovely," Alice said, after she opened the box.

But there was something else about Alice that was different, and then he realized what it was.

"Where are your glasses?"

"Contacts," she said with a little smile, "I wanted to surprise you."

"Do you understand how beautiful you are right now," Christopher said sincerely.

"I feel like a princess," Alice said; her happiness was so evident it made Christopher's heart almost sing.

And then he noticed Alice's mother, who was dabbing away tears from the corners of her eyes with a tissue; tears of joy, Christopher decided.

"You better go," she said to them a bit thickly, "you don't want to be late for your ride."

"I'll get my shawl," Alice said, "bye mom."

"Have fun," she replied.

Alice draped a white shawl laced with silver thread around her shoulders, and picked up a small white clutch purse from the table in the front hall. Christopher opened the door for her, and they headed outside.

"Bye Mrs. Andrews," he said as they left. 

*  *  *

They drove back to Christopher's house, and were greeted by his parents with a camera.

"Alice," his father said in a tone of admiration, "you are gorgeous ... I'm very jealous of Christopher ... I wish I was taking you to the prom."

"You look lovely, Alice," his mother added warmly, "if I had my own daughter, I would want her to look just like you do tonight!"

"I only look the way I do thanks to you two," Alice said humbly, "you have no idea how grateful I am."

"Alice," his father said, "we were happy to do it ... now how about some pictures?"

After an orgy of picture taking, Christopher and Alice went into the living room so they could watch for the limousine, which arrived with almost perfect timing.

Christopher's parents had already gone outside to see the rest of the group in their prom clothes, which necessitated the other couples getting out of the long black car to show off for them, and have their pictures taken. They were smiles and excited chatter drifting in Christopher's direction when he opened the front door so he and Alice could join them, which turned to amazed silence when the others saw the lovely young woman beside him. As Christopher proudly escorted a radiant Alice down the front walk, a flash of insight struck him: "This is just like a fairy tale ... the ugly duckling has turned into a beautiful swan!!"

*  *  *

The evening unfolded in an almost magical fashion, from an awestruck Catherine, and the other girls, Christine and Jennifer, prying out of Alice during the limousine ride the name of the exclusive shop that Alice's dress had come from, to the looks of envy on the faces of the other boys attending the prom when they saw Christopher with Alice, to the delicious dinner they were served. Alice had never been accepted socially by her peer group before, and Christopher noticed how carefully she entered into the conversations at their table at first. But gradually she became more confident, and even used her good sense of humour to full effect on several occasions.

After dinner, a DJ started playing music, and when the first slow number came on Christopher asked her if she would like to join him on the dance floor.

As they swirled around the now semi-dark room, illuminated by spotlights that reflected off a rotating mirror ball suspended from the ceiling, Christopher discovered that Alice was a very good dancer. He had had a few lessons, under protest of course, courtesy of his parents who insisted upon it, and so they made a good pair. When he complimented her afterwards, she admitted with a giggle that she and Susan had practiced quite a bit.

They remained on the dance floor for a while, and when another slow number began, Alice, much to his surprise, threw away any pretext of actual dancing, as she put her arms around his neck, pulling herself tightly up against his body, while burying her head into his shoulder. As he held her, swaying to the music, he thought he could hear a small sigh. The physical intimacy overwhelmed him, she felt so soft and warm and desirable in his arms ... her subtle perfume was so tantalizing. And there were other feelings as well, ones to do with protecting her, and possessing her to the exclusion of anyone else. Even as he enjoyed the euphoria of their first close embrace, Christopher found himself confused; he had never felt like this about a girl before!




The Ugly Duckling - Afterwards



[After "The Ugly Duckling – Epilogue", (the sequel to "The Ugly Duckling"), was published readers were severely split on whether a further chapter was needed to clear up some outstanding questions; (as one reader put it: "An Epilogue to the Epilogue!") A majority wanted another story, with a minority, (but a vocal minority), insisting that everything that happened later should be left to the imagination. So for those who wanted a sequel ... read on ... and for those who didn't ... no peeking!!! - PS]

[All characters in this story who are involved in serious sexual situations are at least 18 years old - PS]

*  *  *

Alice rolled over in bed, and then stretched. It was Saturday, and a February sun, cheerful to see, but no doubt it was somewhat cold outside, illuminated the room through the bedroom blinds. It was a beautiful house, originally Christopher's parent's home; but they had decided to move into a condo many years ago so they could travel, and had basically given it to Christopher, since he was going to inherit it eventually anyway.

She let out a sigh, but one of contentment, as she recalled the previous night. Lovemaking, or more perhaps more correctly sex, was definitely part of her feelings of bliss, as she recalled what she and Christopher had indulged in before they went to sleep. Hopefully she hadn't made too much noise, God knew that she wouldn't want Molly to overhear ... although maybe that would be a good thing; in a twisted sort of way!

Molly was her daughter ... actually she and Christopher's daughter ... why take all the blame! Molly was also; in the interests of stating the very, very obvious ... a one hundred percent, Grade A, fully certified geek ... all she needed was an official label on her forehead!

As she lay there contemplating the situation, with Christopher sleeping peacefully beside her, she couldn't help but to shake her head with exasperation. It wasn't that Molly was unattractive ... OK, OK ... she had the same bad teeth and poor eyesight and skin that her mother had suffered through as an adolescent. But unlike Alice, she and Christopher had got the braces, and acne, and near-sightedness totally dealt with by the time she was fifteen. All Molly needed to do ... instead of spending all her time on her computer ... was fix her hair, rather than just tying it off with and elastic band ... and ... God forbid ... dress a little better and wear some makeup, and who knows ... boys might start paying attention to her?

Of course for those early teenage years, it was almost a relief that Molly wasn't socially active. And, she thought to herself, let's confess the unvarnished truth ... and Christopher is as culpable as I am; we were both happy that Molly wasn't dating! But now, turning eighteen, and probably never been kissed: "Houston ... we have a problem!"

They had named her Molly as a remembrance of that emotional evening so long ago, when she had agreed to accept Christopher's invitation to go to the prom.

Alice came from a very poor family, and her friendship, and then love affair with Christopher had started almost by accident. On that momentous night when he had asked her to go with him she had initially refused ... what would she wear? Hiding out afterwards in an upstairs bathroom to conceal a torrent of tears, she was discovered by Christopher's sympathetic mother ... and that had ultimately led to an offer to purchase her a suitable dress ... a shimmering blue organza cocktail length dress ... she still had it ... that she had eventually worn. Later, on that same eventful evening, after she agreed to Christopher's invitation, they had watched an old movie, "A Summer Place", where Sandra Dee played one of the female leads, a character named Molly ... and so many, many years later they had made their own daughter a namesake. It was more than 32 years since the real beginnings of their love ... 32 years with so much in between ... a first kiss ... the blue prom dress ... a first lovemaking ... and a second one, and an almost magical third time, perhaps even now the best of her entire life ... a summer filled with intense wonder and discovery ... and then separation ... and ultimately an agreement to "just be friends" ... Christopher's first marriage to Jackie and his first child Ryan ... his presumed death in Afghanistan ... and a first hesitant reunion after he miraculously escaped captivity and came home ... and then marriage, and Molly.

Today was Valentine's, and also her birthday, she was turning fifty ... imagine! And by some jest of fate it was also Molly's eighteenth birthday; she had been born on Alice's thirty-second birthday; it was a very difficult delivery.

When Molly was two, Jackie died, horribly, from breast cancer. Ryan, Alice's stepson, who was nine at the time, had come to live with his natural father ... everyone, and Jackie's second husband especially, agreed it was for the best ... and by now she regarded him as her own. Given the circumstances, Christopher and Alice decided to forego the risks of any further children; they already had a rather complete little nuclear family, with both a boy and a girl!

Christopher had a special evening planned; his parents, as well as Ryan and his girlfriend Samantha were joining them for the celebration. The young couple lived together, and appeared very much in love; Alice rather suspected that something featuring a diamond was in Samantha's immediate future now that Ryan had almost completed his MBA ... but she didn't want to pry ... and besides, if he needed money for a ring he could come to Christopher, or even his grandfather ... sort of a man-to-man, guy type of thing, she thought to herself with a smile ... no girls allowed!

The thought made her happy. Samantha was a lovely girl, and a teacher, just like Alice ... Kismet! In fact Ryan had met her through Alice, although matchmaking was hardly Alice's intention that particular late June afternoon when he had come to her school to help her carry a number of heavy cartons out to the car. You could see the obvious attraction from the moment they saw each other ... and the fact that Alice could supply not only an introduction in the hallway, but also later on, a phone number and relationship status, probably didn't hurt either!

Alice got up and headed to the shower, taking care not to wake Christopher ... he had been working so hard lately. She squeezed some of the lightly scented bath product she favoured from a bottle, and began to wash herself, paying some attention to the intimate area between her legs, which had received a bit of a workout the night before. When it responded with the familiar warm tingle as she scrubbed things gently, her sense of humour took over.

She was, she decided, giggling at her own silliness: "the proud possessor of a perfectly pleased pink pussy ... take that ... English teachers everywhere!"

Maybe later on, after the celebration, there would be an encore performance in the master bedroom ... imagine ... two nights in a row!

Something else had also happened last night that was a bit remarkable. Despite the fact that Christopher hadn't spent very much time on foreplay, she had achieved a quick short climax the moment he entered her; that had never happened before. And after that, better and better, a really intense sustained one towards the end of their lovemaking ... apparently there was going to be was life after 50!!

After she finished her shower and got dressed, she went downstairs to make breakfast. Since it was a special day, she decided to make French toast as a surprise for Molly and Christopher. She had a large Valentine shaped cookie cutter, left over from the years when she used to bake for her kindergarten class. Maybe she'd use it to punch out the French toast into hearts, just for fun, she decided a little whimsically.

When she got to the kitchen she discovered that Molly was already there, sitting in her dressing gown, playing on her laptop, with an empty glass of orange juice beside her.

"That figures," she thought to herself ruefully, "we should have that computer surgically attached to her hands."

At the same time she noticed that Molly's robe was hanging open, exposing her modest eighteen year old feminine assets for the whole world to see.

"Morning Molly," she ventured, trying to ignore her daughter's partial nudity, "and happy birthday ..."

"You too Mom," Molly answered brightly, shifting around on her chair, which caused the bottom of her robe to slide off her lap, exposing a dark thatch of pubic hair at the intersection of her legs.

"Molly really," Alice scolded, "your father could walk in here any moment ... do up your robe."

"So what," Molly replied breezily, "he's seen a naked women before!"

But Alice did note with some satisfaction that Molly adjusted the dressing gown so she was at least partly covered.

"Well if you're going to sit around like that on a Saturday morning, at least put on some panties," Alice lectured, as if it was going to do any good! Molly just didn't care about how she looked, or what the other members of the household might get to see from time to time ... she was so different than Alice when she was young; so much more uninhibited ...maybe it was this generation?

"You know," Alice said, hoping to make a point, "if my grandmother saw the way you run around this house sometimes, in plain sight of your brother, at least when he lived here, or father, she'd practically faint!"

"Was she a prude?" Molly asked.

"No," Alice answered, "she just grew up in a world where female anatomy was something that was kept very much hidden."

"That's pretty weird."

"Maybe so ... but she told me more about sex than my mother did," Alice admitted, "and all I had to do was just ask her ... she had a way of making me not feel embarrassed ... even though I was pretty shy about my body when I was your age ... not at all ... AHEM ... like a certain person in this kitchen!"

"Oh Mom!"

*  *  *

It was just about two months later, and her daughter's world was now completely on its ear! It had started innocently enough, a boy Mark, who shared Molly's interest in computers. They would get together after school, or on weekend afternoons, so they could play some cooperative game over the Internet ... some sort of role playing thing. They were sort of cute, sitting together in the den, hunched over their laptops, and talking excitedly to one another as they played. At first Alice was discouraged ... apparently Molly had not noticed that Mark was a boy; and a decent enough looking one as well.

But then subtle changes began to take place; the unflattering baggy jeans were no longer being worn to school, and certain tops that Alice detested, but that Molly insisted on wearing, managed to disappear into the trash bin ... and then one morning ... lip gloss!

And sometimes the discussions in the den were conducted "sotto voce", so Alice couldn't overhear. Molly was coy about Mark, but Alice wasn't fooled, she well remembered another ugly duckling some years ago who had undergone a transformation because of a boy, although that particular young woman was affected by circumstances, not by choice!

History seemed to be repeating itself, she thought with an inward smile, as she watched Molly trying to make herself attractive for Mark.

*  *  *

"Mom?" Molly asked.

It was another Saturday morning, in the kitchen. Christopher had gone to the building supply store and Molly had slept in late, and was still in her dressing gown ... at least so far it was done up!

"Yes dear?"

"Can I get a prom dress?"

"Oh, has someone asked you to go?" Alice said, trying to sound matter-of-fact, but actually intensely curious.

"Mark is taking me," Molly admitted, "but I don't have anything to wear."

"I think we can solve that," Alice said, totally delighted at this piece of news, "come upstairs with me."

When they got to the master bedroom Alice reached deep into her closet, pulling out a garment bag that was hidden away there.

"Now if you don't like this, you don't have to wear it, but it was incredibly expensive ... your grandparents bought it for me for my senior prom.

Molly nodded; she had heard how her parents met.

Alice lowered the zipper and retrieved the dress from the inside of the protective covering. Molly gasped when she saw the blue organza dress, shimmering in the morning light.

"Why don't you try it on?" Alice suggested.

Molly discarded her robe so she could slip into the dress.

"At least she's got panties on today," Alice observed with an inward sigh.

Molly was taller and slimmer than Alice had been at the same age, so the dress was well above her knees. The rouching of the bodice gaped in front of her breasts, it would need to be taken in, and it was too loose around the waist as well, which could be easily fixed.

"What do you think?" Alice asked.

"It's so beautiful," Molly said excitedly, twirling around, which made the soft folds of the skirt, and transparent glistening matching material that covered it, swirl magically.

"It's a little shorter on you than it was on me," Alice said, "or when Susan wore it."

Susan was Alice's younger sister.

"But that's perfect," Molly said, "it's totally in style for a cocktail dress right now."

"Now, how does Molly know that?" Alice thought, perplexed. Her daughter had never shown the slightest interest in clothes; and Alice doubted that she would have even known what a cocktail dress was before now! Evidently her relationship with Mark was having a number of consequences.

"We'll need to get it altered, and buy you a strapless bra," Alice observed.

"Why," Molly countered, "I hardly ever wear a bra anyway?"

"Maybe so," Alice said provocatively, "but even after we fix the bodice, if you go without one Mark might be able to see all sorts of things ... although I suppose maybe you might want that!"

"Oh Mom!" Molly said with a giggle and a blush.

But Alice was very happy, as she admired Molly in the dress.

"Another ugly duckling has turned into a beautiful swan," she thought to herself in a satisfied way.

However, being that Molly was eighteen and going to her senior prom in the dazzling, and alluring, blue dress, there was one other thing to discuss. She went over to Christopher's night table and opened the drawer, retrieving a couple of condoms from a box of them he kept there, although they didn't need to use them anymore.

"Do you know what these are?" she asked Molly.

"Oh Mom!"

*  *  *

"Happy birthday," Molly said, as she entered the kitchen.

She had just come in from work, and looked so grown up to Alice in her tailored skirt and blouse. It was hard to believe that she was only 23! This weekend she was moving out of the house and into an apartment with a girlfriend. It made Alice a little sad to see this next change in their lives.

"I got you something," Molly said proffering a small present with a shiny red bow.

"Put in the dining room ... there is something there for you as well; we'll open them after dinner."

"Are Ryan and Samantha and the baby here yet?"

"No ... but pretty soon ... would you like a glass of wine?"

"What about my grandparents?"

"They're not coming ... they're both sick and don't want to give anything to the baby ... or anyone else for that matter."

"That's too bad ... and yes, I'll have a glass of wine ... I can get it."

Later on, after dinner, they opened their gifts. Alice received a lovely ring with a large amethyst, whose facets burned with a purple fire; her birth stone. Molly got a pendant, also with an amethyst. Both gems sparkled in the candle light as they showed them off.

"They're cut from the same stone," Christopher explained proudly, "I had them specially made. Many years from now, Molly, when your mother and I are gone, you can wear the two together as a set."

"Don't talk like that," Molly protested.

"It will happen someday," Christopher said simply, "it's just the natural order of things."

"But not tonight," Ryan interjected, clearly closing off the subject.

Alice looked around as the others began a new conversation.

They were all there together, her first and only true love, Christopher. Ryan, his lovely wife and beautiful new daughter ... maybe someday she might wear the blue prom dress too? And then there was Molly, who would carry she and Christopher's chromosomes down the great stream of time ... she had told Alice recently that she wanted to have children ... she already adored her little niece; you could see it!

Her life, she thought, fighting back tears of joy, had turned out like a fairy tale ... a modern fairy tale!



The Ugly Duckling Becomes A Swan



When I was growing up, most folks I knew considered having sex with a relative—or at least a blood relative—as something horrid, disgusting, the province of perverts. And I tended to agree. My religious upbringing forbade such a thing and no one I knew would ever condone the idea. That's what I used to think, but looking back, the fact is the subject almost never came up in conversation, so it was really hard to tell what everybody actually believed (or did in privacy). I carried this viewpoint around with me until I attended college and was exposed to certain fallacies in the anti-incest argument, foremost being the obvious incest stores in the Old Testament.

Philosophical questions aside, the final proof for me was, as the saying goes, in the pudding, and the pudding was served the day my cousin Sally came to work at the newspaper. Sally was twenty-two, a recent college graduate, and she'd taken a job as an assistant editor on the City Desk. I was nineteen at the time, a gofer at the paper, and we would often pass in the coffee room or in the hall. We'd barely known each other before then, having grown up in different states and only visiting on the occasional summer vacation trip. She hardly paid me any mind at work, and it was obvious to me that the age and education difference presented formidable barriers to our becoming social friends. But one day, out of the blue, she asked if I could give her a ride to work from time to time when our shifts coincided. Her apartment was on my way, so I started picking her up whenever it was convenient for both of us. 

Sally was thin, about five-foot-four, kind of tom-boyish with light auburn hair and big hazel eyes that gave her a waif-like look. She wasn't unattractive, but it was hard to tell much about her looks from a physical standpoint because she always wore loose-fitting slacks and frilly blouses that obscured any definition of her body. She also had a way of never meeting your eyes directly, which made it difficult to take in her face completely at any given moment. At first I had no interest in her other than as a friend, but after a few weeks of riding together in the car, things began to change.

The most interesting thing about her was that she reminded me a lot of my childhood girlfriend, Terrie, with whom I'd had my first sexual experience at the tender age of fifteen. The comparison was not in Sally's looks, but in her philosophy and the way she talked. Despite having gone through the tragic death of her parents in an auto accident only two years before, she was distinctly happy, but could turn serious on a dime when it came to subjects like politics or religion. Her favorite book was The Feminine Mystique, and she could quickly become angry over women's rights issues. Her anger was often spiked with a brutal, cutting sarcasm, and she easily matched wits with the men at work, often slicing and dicing them in debates until they slunk off in defeat.

After a while, I started inviting her home for dinner, and she eventually became close to the whole family. I even introduced her to Terrie. Terrie had moved to California a couple of years earlier and, to my great dismay, had subsequently decided she was a lesbian. We remained friends, however, often talking on the phone about our love lives. It was during one of those phone calls, when I was telling her about Sally, that she asked me to put her on the phone, and they hit it off so well I finally had to pry the receiver from Sally's hand before the phone bill got out of hand.

"You've got hold of a good one there, kiddo," Terrie said before we hung up. "You'd better not let her get away." I wasn't sure if Terrie realized Sally and I were only friends, but I agreed with her, figuring I would fill her in the next time we talked in private.

Privacy turned out to be hard to find, however, because Sally and I started spending more and more time together, and there was hardly a moment after that when she wasn't around. We talked a lot about all kinds of things, even sex, but always in a sort of clinical way, discussing subjects like domination and sexism and the arbitrary taboos of modern society. Occasionally the conversations would brush on more personal topics, but she always backed off before they got too detailed, and we never came close to being intimate, not even a goodnight kiss. And after she said how much she liked Terrie, I got the feeling she, too, might be gay. That possibility didn't bother me, but I was disabused of the idea about three months after we met, as we sat on her couch one Saturday evening. 

We were talking about Terrie and lesbianism and Sally was trying to explain to me how women felt differently from men when it came to love and sex; how it was less of a physical thing for them, and how they could be attracted to other females for reasons that were complicated and hard for a man to understand. It wasn't a debate, because I was totally out of school on the subject; it was a candid conversation, and one I really appreciated because it gave me a better insight into how Terrie made her transformation. I was expressing my gratitude for this when she shocked the hell out of me.

"Would you like to have sex with me, Tim?" she asked.

My mouth must have dropped open because she started to smile, but I finally managed to get it working. "Where the hell did that come from?" I said with a chuckle.

"From my heart," she answered, and she placed a hand on her chest as if she were getting ready to say the Pledge of Allegiance. The gesture was so silly I knew immediately she was kidding, and I almost laughed. But she remained in that position, smiling at me and looking like the little waif I'd seen in her before. When she cocked her head, as if to say, "I'm waiting," I began to fear she might not be joking.

"You're serious?" I managed. "I mean, we...we've never... that kind of thing has never come up before." I watched her face for signs she was about to laugh, but her expression didn't change. Finally, I guess when she realized I had run out of words, she dropped her hand back into her lap.

"I know I'm not all that attractive," she said shyly. "And you're probably worried about the incest thing, but that's really a bunch of horseshit if you ask me. If we'd never known each other and had met, say at a concert or something, would you still be reluctant?" My tongue seemed to have gotten trapped in a thick ball of cotton, and when I didn't reply, she continued. "Whatever, I'm not going to rape you, so you don't have to worry. Actually, I'm not very experienced—sexually, that is—which could be another drawback. But I'm willing to learn, and you could put a bag over my head if you want." 

I started to laugh, but when I saw her face scrunch up as if she were about to cry, I stopped myself. "Hey," I said. "Don't take that the wrong way. I wasn't laughing at you. I laughed because what you said about not being attractive was so funny—I mean funny because it isn't true."

"You mean," she said, almost in a whisper, "you don't think I'm ugly?"

"Good God, Sally," I said. "What would ever give you that idea?"

"Well, my mirror, for one thing. That and the fact that we've known each other for quite a while now and you've never even tried to kiss me. Anyway, I figured..."

This time I really laughed, and I reached out to touch her leg so she would know I wasn't laughing at her. A smile began to creep onto her face then, and soon we were both laughing uncontrollably.

"That's incredible," I gasped, trying to catch my breath. "You've always acted like a good buddy, and then there's the 'incest thing' as you call it. So I thought what you thought: that you weren't interested in me." By then she had taken hold of my hand and was looking expectantly at me. I took her other hand, and we awkwardly pulled each other close. It was a chaste, Victorian kind of kiss, with both of us holding hands and leaning toward each other until our lips met across the space. Even so, I had never felt such an intense spark. When I drew back, her eyes were still closed and she was smiling.

"That was nice," she said. "Do you think we could do it again?"

The rest of the evening was like a fairy tale. We were so careful and so slow, we almost seemed like kids on a first date. And we were, in a way, because for the longest time all we did was kiss and hug and talk about our lives. It wasn't at all like our earlier conversations; we were getting to know each other for the first time, learning to talk on a deeper level and share things from our hearts. Eventually false ego drained away, and the honesty in the room was so overwhelming it felt like you could cut it with a knife.

Without thought, I told her all about Terrie and me and how much it hurt when she left and decided she was a lesbian. Sally reciprocated with the story of her first and only sexual encounter with a man, and how grateful she was for it, because growing up she'd always felt like an ugly duckling, and was hardly ever asked out on dates. It happened during her last year at college, she said, and the guy was one of her career counselors. They had a long talk one day and he asked if she wanted to continue the conversation over dinner. She was shocked and scared and thrilled all at the same time, and when he suggested they go to his apartment, she jumped at what she thought might be her only chance to find out what sex was like.

He was gentle, she said, and he didn't protest when she told him she wasn't going allow full penetration. From her description, he didn't seem to have had much experience.

"I let him use his fingers," she said with a blush, "and it was nice, but nothing like I had hoped for."

Even though she didn't get much out of it physically, she said she was so happy to finally find someone who wanted her, she cried. He thought he had hurt her, but she reassured him. "I tried to act like it was great, but it was sort of like I was somewhere else, watching it all happen from a distance. I don't know what I was supposed to be feeling, but whatever it was, it sure wasn't anything to write home about."

They continued to see each other, but the sex never got any better, and even though it often left her frustrated, she somehow knew it wouldn't improve with intercourse, at least with him. The day she graduated, he asked her to marry him, but she wasn't in love, and after thinking it over she realized it wouldn't be fair to him, or to her for that matter, so she turned him down. Since then, she'd gone back into her little shell, protected by the anger and humor and sarcastic façade she had learned to hide behind so well while she was growing up.

What was so odd about the evening was that we ended up not having sex after all. We talked late into the night, and we stopped from time to time to kiss and marvel at the new chemistry we felt. But I never laid a hand on her sexually. The subject came up from time to time, and she said she was looking forward to it. But somehow we always got off on another topic, until we finally fell asleep on the couch in each other's arms.

***

I woke the next morning stretched out on the couch alone, covered by a quilt and smelling coffee. Sally came in from the kitchen wearing a long, nearly transparent nightgown. She sat next to me, and when she leaned over to give me a morning kiss, I thought, this must be what married life is like. Finally we managed to break away from each other. She pulled me to my feet, handed me a cup of coffee and the Sunday paper, then pointed me toward the bathroom. "There's an extra toothbrush in the cabinet," she said as I rounded the corner. "And you'd better use it, too. Your mouth tastes like an old pair of dirty socks."

How she knew exactly how I always started the day, I would never know, but I sure wasn't about to complain. I went through my routine and when I was done, I stepped out the door to ask if it would be okay for me to take a shower and nearly knocked her over. I caught her and steadied her as she held out the towel and terrycloth bathrobe she'd been carrying. Again, I was nearly bowled over by her almost psychic ability to know precisely what I wanted. When I leaned to give her a breath-freshened kiss, she smacked her lips as if she'd licked a lollypop. "That's much better," she said. Then she gave me a little shove back inside and tried to pull the door shut behind me, but I caught it with a finger.

We stared at each other for a long time through the open bathroom door, and when I reached out a hand for her, she looked down at the floor. "I, uh . . . I think I know what you want to do," she said in a lilting hesitant voice. "But, I . . . well, I'm embarrassed. I'm really not much to look at, Tim. Believe me. And I don't want to disappoint you before . . . before we . . . Oh, shit! I can't even say it."

I put a finger under her chin and lifted it until our eyes met. "Listen," I said, lowering my voice until it was almost a growl. "You've got to stop that crap. I told you once you are not ugly, and that was an understatement. Fact is, you're beautiful, and I want very much to see all of you." With that, I took the towel and bathrobe from her hands, dropped them on the floor, and began to slip the flimsy straps of her nightgown off her shoulders. Again, she looked down, but she made no effort to stop the silky garment as it fell in a soft flair around her ankles. And despite the fact that I had seen quite a bit though the translucent fabric, once she stood before me completely naked, I was rendered speechless.

She was slender, though not really thin, and her skin glowed like silk of her nightgown, with an underlying luminance, as if the dim light from the hall were somehow shining through it. The gentle flair of her hips curved down into the smooth skin of her legs, which seemed almost pixie like with their slightly muscular firmness. She lowered her hands to cover the feathery wisp of pubic hair that grew in an almost invisible V, while my eyes slowly moved upward, taking in every centimeter of her body and coming to rest on her perfectly rounded breasts. Involuntarily, I reached out to gently touch a suede-like nipple, which jerked and became rigid under my fingertips. A shiver went through her body as I slid my fingers up until my palm rested against her cool skin, and when I closed my hand around her breast, she gasped as if she were having some kind of premature orgasm.

"Look at me," I demanded in a quiet though insistent voice. And with a nervous shrug and a slight nod of acceptance, she slowly raised her head. I'd never been able to examine her face very well because of that habit she had of not meeting my gaze head on, but now she seemed to accept the inevitable and didn't try to hide. As a smile of resignation softened the grim stiffness of her lips, I was nearly struck dumb at the beauty that shown like the subtle glow of an opal from her skin.

Her eyes, I saw, were not hazel, but a vague, almost transparent hue of blue-gray that seemed to disappear into pools of shimmering water, as if I were looking straight through to the light-blue surface of the wall behind her. They were wide-spread and much larger than they'd seemed before, slightly slanted upward with an almond shape that made me think of those lovely Eurasian girls who were the product of couplings between service men and orientals during various wars. The rest of her features, her thin straight nose and wide narrow mouth, were almost obscured by the incredible power of those eyes, and the whole picture was perfectly set off by the elongated heart shape of her face.

My erection had begun to press painfully against my jeans, and I noticed her eyes lower until they focused on my groin. When she hesitantly reached out to touch me, a reflex made me jerk backward, but her curious look embarrassed me, and I quickly relaxed, allowing her hand to rest gently against the growing bulge.

"Can I . . .? Can I see you now?" Her voice was like the mewing of a kitten, and as I nodded silently, she unclasped my shorts, allowing them to drop around my ankles. My underwear provided no challenge to the increasing stiffness behind it, and it took only a slight pull on the elastic for it to burst through like a raised drawbridge to rest against the back of her fingers. She playfully wiggled her knuckles against me for a moment, but when I took her hand and urged her on, she grasped me gently, as a look of awed fear spread across her face.

"I . . . I've never seen one before, you know?" she said, staring while I grew larger and larger under her touch. "Is that, uh, normal? I mean, it seems so big."

"Well," I said, my voice cracking with the tactile sensation, "it might not be, at least for me. But it does speak to your irrational idea that you are somehow not attractive. Isn't it obvious? How do you think I could get . . . this way, if your beauty didn't have an incredible effect on my libido?"

She smiled then, as if someone had told her for the first time in her life that she was not an ugly duckling, that she was desirable and capable of evoking that desire by simply standing naked before a man. "I guess," she said shyly. "I guess this means you're ready?"

"Oh, God, am I ready."

"Okay then, I think I have to apologize, because I don't want to, uh, do it right now. I mean I want to, but not at this particular moment."

She had not released me, and I was about to explode, but I definitely didn't want to do anything that might upset her. I was, however, curious, so I said, lying through my teeth, "I have no problem with that. Really. But, if you don't mind, could you tell me why, exactly?"

Suddenly, she seemed to crawl back into her protective shell, releasing me and looking away. But when I pulled her against my chest and hugged her, she sighed in my ear and answered in a timid, withering voice.

"I sort of have this thing," she said apologetically. "It's kind of irrational, and it probably stems from some childhood trauma or some silly idea about hygiene, but I don't want to do it if both of us aren't perfectly clean. Call it a fetish or something, but before we . . . uh, continue, I need to be clean—inside and out—and you need to take a shower. Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay," I lied again. "I was just wondering, that's all."

"Great," she said, gleefully pushing away. She pecked me chastely on the cheek, then shoved me back into the bathroom. And this time I let her close the door behind me.

***

I took a long, hot shower and emerged to the smell of bacon cooking. I went into the kitchen and put my arms around her from behind. "That smells good," I said. "Is there anything I can do to help?" 

"How do you like your eggs?" she asked without answering, and for the first time I realized she couldn't actually read my mind.

***

While we ate breakfast, I again thought about married life and how nice it would be to wake up to this scenario every morning: the two of us, after a long night of interesting conversation and maybe a little love making, sitting at the breakfast table together, eating great food and silently enjoying each others' company. It almost seemed like a movie; a fantasy too good to ever come true.

Afterward, she let me help with the dishes, and then, to my great disappointment, she suggested we go for a walk. I tried not to let the frustration show in my face, and somehow managed to act cheerful as we got dressed and walked around the neighborhood. When we came to my street, I remembered I hadn't been home last night, and realized Mom would probably be worried. I started to tell Sally we needed to stop by my house, but she smiled and said she'd called Mom earlier and told her I'd fallen asleep on her couch.

"I don't think she believed me," she said with a laugh, "but she did appreciate the call. Your mom's pretty cool, you know. In fact, so is your whole family." Then she got misty eyed, so I hugged her. 




The Ugly Duckling - Epilogue



 [This particular story can be read as a stand-alone piece, but was written to respond to many, many requests for a further chapter to "The Ugly Duckling", which enjoyed so much positive feedback, (much to the astonishment of the author!). It is not composed for the Valentine's Day story contest, but it does use Valentine's as part of the setting - PS]

[This story contains a few incidental references to real people and places, but it is entirely a work of fiction; and all characters in this story who are involved in serious sexual situations are at least 18 years old - PS] 

* * *

Alice stood beside the freshly covered grave, using her coat sleeve to wipe away the traces of the tears that had streaked her cheeks. The funeral and interment had been only yesterday, but she was somehow drawn back to the cemetery, to grieve by herself. Her father had died when she very little, and now her mother was gone ... gone to what J. R. R. Tolkien had so poignantly described as: "the loss and the silence." As she stood there, alone, some whitish grey clouds scudded across the January sky, and she pulled her coat lapels together against the chilly wind. In the freakish way of the winter weather in the city, yesterday, Friday, had been quite cold, while today was well above freezing, and the skiff of snow that was on the ground was turning into slush. 

Her mother's life, she thought, had ended too early. She had always had poor health, and even a combination of constant care and new medications had been unable to forestall the inevitable. At least she had lived to see her granddaughter. Her younger sister Susan had produced this miracle last summer, and her mother's final Christmas was marked by the joy of it. Susan and Alice were not close, but the arrival of the baby did give her the chance to play the doting aunt, so perhaps the relationship would be more tightly bound in the future.

Susan, like herself, had gone into teaching, but then met and married an up and coming young lawyer. Susan was off on a full year maternity leave, but Alice suspected she wasn't going to return to her profession ... motherhood seemed to suit her better, and Dave, her husband, was doing very well with his career, and seemed more than happy to be the sole provider for his family. More babies, and more baby gifts, she thought to herself, smiling inwardly for the first time, were definitely in the near future. As she thought about her new niece, and her mother's untimely death, the juxtaposition of the two events became vividly clear ... the promise of a brand new life; and the finality of death ... as Tolkien had also written: "If this is indeed, as the Eldar say, the gift of the One to Man, it is bitter to receive."

She turned away from the grave, but not before taking a handful of wet earth from the top of a pile left by the excavating equipment, and then tossing it onto the low mound that covered where her mother now rested.

"Goodbye mom," she whispered through her tears, feeling more alone than ever before in her life.

* * *

Driving towards her mother's house, she couldn't help but to reflect on her circumstances. Thirty was fast approaching; her birthday was on Valentine's Day, and she still had no one to share her life with. Once, a long time ago, there had been a love ... a tender, young passionate love ... in the way that only eighteen year olds can experience it. Since then there had been a number of men in her life, and she had even slept with some of them, but somehow nothing had "clicked", so each relationship had somehow ended, with either she or he, or both of them, recognizing that this wasn't "it".

She pulled into the driveway in front of the now vacant story and a half house. It was one of the last small ones left in the district; the rest had been demolished to make way for large new dwellings, or renovated beyond recognition, as the gentrification of the well placed little community proceeded apace. Her mother had very little in the way of financial resources beyond the house, and Alice, as well as Susan and Dave, had helped her when she became too ill to work. Last year, she and Susan had had encouraged her mother to sell the house, because the lot it sat on was worth so much, and relocate to an apartment, but events overtook this plan, and she had died in her own bed ... in her own place ... that was comforting somehow!

Alice mounted the steps to the front door, and turned the key, stepping inside. There was a pile of mail scattered on the front mat, and only silence, to greet her. She and Susan, heeding Dave's advice, had decided to remove any personal items, but to leave the house furnished until it was sold. In the emotion of the days leading up to the funeral, she had frenetically cleaned out the kitchen and the fridge, but the upstairs was untouched. She went into Susan's old bedroom, and observed that her sister had been good to her word. The closet and bureau were empty. She debated about starting on her mother's things, but just couldn't bring herself to this today ... maybe tomorrow ... so she decided to do her former room.

She checked the bed; it was covered with a duvet, but not made underneath. That made sense. Her old dresser had very little in it, just some high school yearbooks and a few photos. She set them on top of it, until she could go to the basement and find a carton for them. Lastly she looked in the closet, there wasn't much there, just an old dressing gown, and behind it a garment bag. Unzipping it, she beheld her first prom dress, still a vision of blue organza dreams that shimmered in the light, as she took it out and laid it on the bed.

Seeing the dress brought back a flood of memories. Her first and only love, Christopher ... and some magical nights filled with romance. His parents had bought the dress for her; her mother couldn't afford such a thing. It was good of them to come to the funeral; and very unexpected. They were as unfailingly nice to her as they had always been, especially during her "Summer Place" romance with Christopher ... but the sadness was there, behind their eyes; Alice could see it.

After high school Christopher had attended the Royal Military College at Queen's University; his father had also started his career as a soldier. Once Christopher graduated, he received a posting as an officer in the Canadian Army. He had married shortly thereafter, and had one son. 

But Christopher was gone ... dead ... just like her mother; the only two things in her life that she had loved. The Canadian contingent of the NATO forces fighting in Afghanistan were responsible for the incredibly dangerous Khandahar province, and along with their US and UK compatriots were very, very much in harm's way, unlike the European troops, and there were many casualties. Christopher had gone on patrol ... and never come back. His official status was: "Missing in action -- presumed dead." That was four years ago, and although his parents continued to hope against hope for his return, something about them, yesterday at the funeral, told Alice that the awful reality was closing in all around.

Rather remarkably, Christopher's son, Ryan, was in Alice's kindergarten class that year. In late August when she received her class roster, she was very surprised to see his name on it. Upon investigation, Alice discovered that his mother and stepfather had used Christopher's parent's address; they lived just a short distance away from her mother's house, in order to qualify him for the superior public school in the area; the one where she taught. Of course she didn't report this infraction; she would never in a million years deny Christopher's wonderful parents, who had always treated her so well, the opportunity to have their grandson enrolled in the highly sought after school.

Little Ryan reminded Alice so much of his father; it was like a ghost walking! Certain words, or gestures, even after all these years, took her back in time to that carefree summer; and, as Van Morrison had captured so perfectly: "making love in the green grass ..." There had been plenty of that, and so much else, between them as they explored first love.

Alice was never quite sure why something so intense finally ended. When they parted that September, they had agreed that it would be OK to see other people, although neither one of them looked very certain about the idea she recalled. As the years passed she saw less and less of Christopher, he was either away at school, or spending his summers at basic training, or on manoeuvers, and gradually, when they did see each other, it had become increasingly awkward, especially with the spectre of sex, or no sex, hanging over every conversation. By third year, during one of his brief visits home, they agreed to just be friends.

Alice had met Christopher's widow, Jackie, during kindergarten orientation, and she didn't seem at all like the kind of person he would choose to spend his life with. Christopher had met his wife at Queen's, she did know that, and they married quite quickly right after graduation.

As she looked at the prom dress, another memory, this time a pleasant one, filled her mind, and she smiled as she recalled it. It was the weekend after the prom. They had only experienced sex twice before, a very unsatisfactory first time in her basement on prom night; and a second more successful encounter the next day in Christopher's bedroom, when he managed to take much more time, so much so that she experienced an orgasm as a result of his caresses.

Her mother and Susan had gone away for the weekend, and she had received permission to have Christopher over on the Saturday night. Her mother probably suspected that her daughter was now intimate with Christopher ... no doubt it was written all over her face ... and she had therefore also likely decided that "the horse was out of the barn" in terms of Alice's virginity ... and, Alice thought a little ruefully, her mother could certainly see that she was totally smitten ... so perhaps her mother had just decided to accept that her daughter was almost a grown up!

Alice wanted to surprise Christopher, and so she put on her prom dress; and nothing else! When she lured him into the discovery that she was completely naked underneath the folds of the skirt, and then let him explore the more than ready womanhood of one very sexually aroused young lady, the desired result was obtained; the prom dress ended up in a heap on the bedroom floor, and they quickly engaged in a wildly passionate half hour on the very bed she was standing next to. Their lovemaking ended with them both reaching a climax together, and then lying tenderly in each other's arms, overwhelmed by the feelings of love and desire that had enveloped them. It was, she recalled, one of the best moments of her life ... and she would remember it always, for Christopher's sake, if for no other reason.

Alice put the prom dress back in its garment bag, and laid the dressing gown on top of it. She had grown up in this house, and this room, but there was nothing left for her here ... only an intense sadness, and memories.

* * *

Several weeks later, Alice was preparing her classroom for Valentine's Day. She was receiving the able assistance of little Ryan, she often kept him after school to be her helper, until it was time for him to leave; and then she escorted him to the after school babysitting program at the other end of the building, where he could play until his mother picked him up after work. Ryan was a wonderful child, so helpful, and respectful, and eager to please ... just like his father, she often thought to herself wistfully. She was several rungs up a stepladder, so she could reach the upper windows of the classroom.

"Somewhere out there is another little Alice," she thought to herself, as he passed her another large red cardboard heart to affix to the windows, "and she is going to fall deeply in love with you Ryan, just like I did with your father."

When all of the upper windows were decorated, she told Ryan to get his coat while she packed up her desk, and placed her daily planner by her car keys, so she would be able to do tomorrow's lesson plans at home.

As they walked down the hall, little Ryan suddenly said, "They found my daddy."

"Was he lost?" Alice replied, seeking clarification. When you worked with 5 year olds, you quickly learned not to accept confusing statements at face value; because a little probing often elicited surprising, amusing, or even hilarious information. It was one of the more remarkable aspects of her job!

"The soldiers found my real daddy," Ryan said in a serious way, "Mommy told me."

Alice stopped dead in her tracks, scarcely believing what she had just heard! She crouched down beside Ryan so she could look him directly in the eye.

"Do you mean your daddy in Afghanistan," she asked; and then not wanting to confuse him, "in the war far away?"

Ryan nodded gravely.

"Now I have two daddies," he said, looking worried.

Alice was stunned, but after a moment managed to compose herself.

"Everyone thought your real daddy was dead," she said, trying to be reassuring, "he hasn't seen you since you were a baby ... you won't remember him."

"But I know your real daddy," Alice added with a smile, "and he is a very nice man ... you'll like him."

"But mommy says she can't have two daddies," Ryan asserted, again looking worried.

"That's something for the grown-ups to figure out," she said sympathetically, "but don't worry, everything will be all right. There are lots of children who have two daddies, because their parents aren't in love anymore, and they go off and marry other people. Your mommy married again because she thought your real daddy was dead. Nobody did anything wrong."

Ryan looked somewhat relieved by this explanation.

"Will I have to go to live with my real daddy?"

"I don't think so ... but your real daddy will certainly want to see you ... because he loves you."

She took Ryan by the hand and led him along the hall towards the after school room, her heart singing ... Christopher was alive! And then another thought occurred to her, Christopher was now single, because Jackie would have had their marriage annulled in order to re-marry. Would he want to go back to Jackie, or would he remain available? Maybe ... just maybe, lightning could strike a second time! She felt a tingle down below at the thought of possibly seeing Christopher again, and letting him get reacquainted with the often very needy region hidden beneath her skimpy panties. For a school teacher, she certainly had a weakness for silky frilly bits of nothing! Maybe it was her single status, or because she didn't have a man to regularly ravish her?

Only Christopher, and no other man, no matter how skilled at lovemaking, had ever given her a sexual experience that approached that Saturday night so long ago. She still hungered for it, that almost mystical connection of physical and emotional need between a man and a woman; that was only satisfied, as Tennessee Williams had more or less observed, when they were naked in the dark. 

"Perhaps," she thought to herself with a sly smirk, while letting her imagination run wild, imagining she and Christopher in a series of torrid embraces, "I could finally give my vibrator some time off for good behavior!"

But these pleasant fantasies were shortly swept away as she brought herself back to reality.

"You are past depraved," she scolded herself, shaking her head from side to side, and wrinkling her nose, "who knows what the poor Christopher must have gone through, and all you can think about is having sex with him!"

* * *

Over the next several days the media went bananas over Christopher's story. He had been held captive inside Pakistan in a series of cave hideouts for almost 4 years. After the Americans killed Osama Bin Laden, his captors became increasingly nervous, and finally decided to move Christopher, and several other NATO soldiers they were holding, to a place they thought was safer. But during the transfer, there was an air attack, and the convoy was scattered. Christopher, and a few of the other hostages, managed to escape. It had taken weeks to get back to Afghanistan, as Christopher helped another Canadian soldier, who had received serious wounds during the air raid, travel; they had made it on foot all the way back through the mountains in the dead of winter, travelling mainly by night, stealing food and water wherever they could; until finally they were picked up by an American patrol and brought to safety.

She read that he was in hospital, with frostbite, and badly emaciated, but expected to make a more or less full recovery, except for a few toes, which had to be amputated. The army had also announced that he was to be decorated for his heroism in saving his fellow countryman, who would have undoubtedly been shot by the insurgents had he been left behind; they had no use for wounded hostages. He was expected to be airlifted home very shortly, the reports said, although the official army position was simply: "Soon."

* * *

It was Valentine's Day, and little Ryan was helping Alice straighten up the classroom after the party. He had quite a little stack of mostly homemade cards on his desk ... he was clearly a favorite of many of the little girls in the room, although that would change soon. It was entirely fascinating to watch how the two sexes separated themselves at age 6 or so, only to become intensely interested in each other again as puberty approached. She had read some literature about this during her training as a teacher, there were theories, but they were just that; theories. Alice erased the mostly pink and red drawings from the whiteboards, they were the usual mixture; mostly terrible, but the odd glimmer of artistic talent, or just better motor control, made a few of them decent ... for 5 year olds.

"Happy Valentine's Day ... and happy birthday," a familiar voice from the past said from the doorway of her classroom.

It was Christopher!!!

Without even stopping to think, she turned around and rushed to greet him, crushing him with a hug, crying tears of joy that he was alive ... that he was real again!

Finally, almost embarrassed by her behavior, she released him ... he was smiling, but looked so much older, and so tired, and careworn.

"I came looking for Ryan, and the office said he was probably still here with you."

That brought her back to reality.

"Ryan," she said gently to the little boy who was looking in a confused way at Christopher, "I want to introduce you to your real daddy."

"Hello Ryan," Christopher said with a smile, "will you give me a hug too?"

Alice nodded her head in agreement, but Ryan was hesitant.

"It's OK," Christopher said, "this is all new and strange to him ... I understand."

"I brought you something ... from Afghanistan," Christopher said to Ryan, proffering a very large package wrapped in brown paper which he had just retrieved from outside the doorway, "because I missed all your birthday's and Christmas' for the last few years ... would you like to see what it is?"

Ryan looked at Alice, still clearly unsure about things.

"Why don't you look at what your father got you?" Alice said in an encouraging way, "it's come from very far away."

Cautiously, Ryan approached the parcel, and finally, getting up his courage, or perhaps because of curiousity, began to open it.

"The air crew on the transport gave it the VIP treatment," Christopher explained proudly, "because they knew who it was for."

As Ryan tore the brown paper away, a beautiful kite was exposed, shaped very much like a manta ray, imprinted with the wings of a blue butterfly, and with two long red tails.

"I had it made especially for you," Christopher said to his son, crouching down so he could speak at the same level as Ryan, "the people in Afghanistan make these ... they are very special ... maybe in the Spring we can go to the park and fly it. Would you like that?"




The Ugly Duckling - Epilogue



Ryan nodded his head as he examined the kite, which was even bigger than he was!

Ryan approached this strange man who was his father, and then gave him a brief hug, a cautious hug perhaps, but a hug nonetheless! Alice saw a glistening in Christopher's eyes, he was fighting off tears.

"Look at the time," Alice said, "Jackie will be here to pick Ryan up very soon ... have you seen her?"

"Tonight ... I'm going over there for dinner ... kinda a family reunion of sorts."

"Ryan," he continued, "would it be alright if I put the kite in my car and then bring it over to your house tonight when I come for dinner ... that way it won't get damaged ... would that be OK?"

"Yes," Ryan answered, finally speaking to his father for the first time.

"C'mon Ryan," Alice said, "get your things so you're ready when your mommy comes. You can talk to your father later when he comes over to your house. And he'll bring the kite; everyone will want to see it!"

"Christopher, can you wait until I get back?" Alice asked, "This will only take a minute."

"Sure."

"Bye Ryan, see you later," she heard him say as they left the classroom.

When Alice returned they began to talk.

"Your son is a wonderful little boy," Alice offered, as the way to break the ice a bit now that they were alone, "maybe I favour him a little, because he's yours, and because of his grandparents, but I think I have a good excuse," she added with a small laugh.

"My parents told me about your mother," Christopher said with sincerity, "I'm so sorry, she was always so nice to me."

"She always liked you," Alice said, "she was very upset when they reported you were missing. So was I."

There was an awkward pause as the conversation stalled, and then ...

"Alice, can I ask you something personal?"

What was this, she wondered?

"Are you with anyone?"

"No," Alice replied, scarcely breathing!

"Could we maybe try seeing each other again?"

"What about Jackie?" she asked; she just had too!

"Let's just say that this falls into the category of 'you can't go home again', shall we?"

"Are you sure?"

"Maybe there is something you should know," Christopher said, clearly searching for the right words, "Jackie was a fling, pure and simple ... and then, just before we graduated, she announced that she was pregnant, and that she wanted to keep the baby. So I did the honourable thing, and married her. No child of mine was going to grow up without a father!" he added in a determined way.

"I understand," Alice said; her mind full of questions.

"But over there I had plenty of time to think ... more than plenty ... and while I'll never know for sure, I think Jackie got pregnant on purpose ... to trap me because my family has money ... it's an old enough story ... sadly. Hopefully she also loved me, and was afraid of losing me ... at least that's what I kept telling myself, because she certainly knew that I didn't really love her ... not the way I loved you so long ago," he said in a forlorn voice.

He looked so sad; it almost broke Alice's heart to see him this way.

"So what's next?" Alice finally asked, searching for something to say ... anything!

"I'm going to try to get some sort of visitation rights so I can see Ryan, hopefully without going to court. I'm leaving the military; they have offered me an honourable discharge, not that I could serve in any field capacity now with my left foot the way it is anyway. I've been approached about a book deal, and I think I'll do that, I always liked to write ... and now I've got material like you wouldn't believe. I'm going to live with my parents for a while ... I think they want that, and I can be close to Ryan ... and ..."

"And what?"

"You see," he said softly, "there was this girl a long time ago ... I want to find her, and if I, and she, haven't changed too, too much, well maybe ..."

"Christopher," she answered back, coming close to him, and putting her hands on his shoulders ... he was so thin!

"Yes."

"I don't think the blue prom dress fits me anymore."

"You kept it?"

"For the rest of my life ..."

[Dedicated to all of the soldiers from the English speaking democracies, the living and the dead, who have fought in this terrible unending war -- PS]