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The Tamar Scroll

By: miskeivitch



A love story on a gigantic scale

In 1947, the Bedouin goatherd, Mohammed ad-Dhib, discovered ancient scrolls preserved in clay jars in a cave near Jericho. These scrolls represent the oldest texts of the Bible currently known to the world. In addition to the Biblical texts, scrolls and fragments of scrolls belonging to a mysterious Jewish sect were also discovered. The slow assembly and publication of the fragments increased the aura of mystery and intrigue surrounding the Dead Sea Scrolls' contents. In 1995, the Israel Antiquities Authority dismissed the Dead Sea Scroll scholars and assumed responsibility for publication of the scrolls. The story that follows is a fictional account of the circumstances surrounding the recent discovery of a previously unknown scroll among the fragments at Qumran.

The argument between Dr. Aviatar Altman, Chief Scholar of the Dead Sea Scrolls Project, and Dr. Zalman Katan, Curator of the Dead Sea Scrolls, Hebrew University, grew in intensity. Avi Altman was acknowledged as the foremost expert on the Dead Sea Scrolls in the world. Zalman Katan directed the Dead Sea Scroll Project upon appointment of the Knesset. Dr. Katan needed Dr. Altman's expertise at a time when the government of Israel was pushing for more of the Scrolls to be published. Perhaps reason might work on the stubborn old man to get the production that Katan sought at any cost.

"Avi, you're getting close to retirement and you haven't published for some time. You must take on an assistant to work with you and to carry on the work. The Project must have continuity. The only way to do that is to inject some new blood into the team. Besides, the Committee has decided that we must have a non-Jewish foreigner on the Project to retain international support for our efforts. Unfortunately, government funding is very tight at the moment, so your assistant will be a recent graduate out of necessity."

"But this new assistant won't have any experience in Biblical research. Furthermore, a goy can't possibly know the nuances of Hebrew as well as a Jew. You can't be serious that I'm going to be turning over my life's work to a non-Jew."

"It's difficult to get any experienced foreign scholars to come to Israel right now, never mind one who's not Jewish. The Second Lebanon War and the situation with Hamas in Gaza hasn't helped. Plus, we must pay the salary in shekels and that makes it doubly difficult to recruit anyone established in another country.

"Zalman, you know how I've thrown myself into my work since my Hannah, she of blessed memory, died. I have nothing in life to live for but the Scrolls. Don't ask this thing of me."

"Avi, I hate to contradict you but your output has been low these last two years you've been a widower. It's been almost 60 years since the Scrolls were discovered and the world still hasn't seen all of the treasures. We must publish them all and publish soon. I hope you don't want Aviathar Altman to go into history in the same way as that drunken bum, John Strugnell. Do you really want to be remembered as another obstacle to the Scrolls' publication?"

"Katan is such a brown-nosing little political whore," thought Dr. Altman, "but the momser has me by the baytzim. I'd just as soon tell him to shove this new assistant but I need his political skills with the Committee. He's right. They can wreck my career just by comparing me to Strugnell."

"All right, I agree to take on an assistant but I don't want any other interference with the staff on the Project. I suppose that you've already recommended someone to the Committee."

"How did you know, Dr. Altman? The Committee approved my recommendation at their last meeting. Your new assistant is Dr. Francis Lajeunesse, a graduate of McGill University and École des Hautes Études in Paris. Dr. Lajeunesse is eminently qualified, yes, eminently qualified, to work on the Project. Now, we should both get back to work." Dr. Katan reached for his golf clubs hidden behind the door of his office. "I'll be at Gaash Golf Club the rest of the day. I do hope you'll try and make Dr. Lajeunesse welcome this afternoon. My secretary has all the paperwork ready. All you need to do is assign the work."

Dr. Altman went back to his office, sat in his chair and began to think deeply. Katan had set him up again so that he had no choice but to bend to the will of this know-nothing. Avi Altman was of the old school, where a man's merit was measured by the worth of his scholarship. Zalman Katan was of the new school, where who one knew and who one blew were of the utmost importance. Thus Katan, with his minimal academic credentials, became the Curator of the Scrolls and Altman was merely the Chief Scholar.

Aviatar Altman was born in 1947 in the same auspicious year that the State of Israel came into being and the Scrolls were discovered. The Scrolls captured the imagination of the young Aviatar to such a degree that he vowed that he would eventually work on the oldest known texts of the Tanach. The young Avi worked with Yigael Yadin on the Habakkuk Pesher. Yadin was another political animal like Katan. As soon as Yadin published the paper with only his name on it, he was off running as a MK for the Knesset. Finally, the chance to make his own name came when the Israeli government took over the Scroll Project and assigned the Hebrew University to publish the complete set of fragments.

After the Hebrew University acquired the fragments, Hannah Altman, she of blessed memory, died with the result that Aviatar Altman's heretofore prolific output declined to a trickle. His colleagues gossiped behind his back: "Old Avi hasn't published a word for two years. How long can he sit Sheva for his wife, already?" The truth, as always, was different from the gossip. It was a fact that he missed Hannah's kosher kitchen, famed in their shul for the Shabat dinners that the Altmans would put on every month. Those were the good old days when friends would wine and dine each other on Shabat. People once had the time to argue politics or knotty problems in archaic Hebrew at the dinner table. Now they were too involved with themselves to socialize.

The real truth was that what Avi missed most of all was his Hannah in bed with him. Hannah was a passionate in lover up to the last year of her life before she went to rest with, well, where had she gone? Modern theologians produced such crap these days that even the most devout man like Aviatar Altman had his faith in God challenged to the limit. Wherever the final resting place of Hannah's soul might be, Avi Altman was seriously in need of a good woman. Yes, even a prominent Biblical scholar in his 60's needed to get laid on a regular basis.

It wasn't for a lack of opportunity that Avi Altman led a celibate life. His apartment building was filled with rich widows with an attitude that it was nice to have a man around the house. It didn't matter that they were Hannah Altman's best friends during her lifetime. Any eligible male was fair game to these incorrigible Yentas. Undoubtedly they wanted to add to their own considerable estates and pass Avi's money on to their children, not to his children. So what if Dahlia and Yonatan studied business and engineering respectively and moved to America? A father is still a father. Avi nursed a hope that someday his children would return to Eretz Israel. Wouldn't they need an apartment in Jerusalem?

As protection against his predatory female neighbours, Avi Altman vowed that no woman would enter his life, ever, never, done and said. Avi threw himself into his work and built a wall around his life. Little did Avi Altman know that Dr. Katan's announcement set in motion events that would see the wall crumble and his world turned upside down. 

Francis Lajeunesse, Ph.D. sipped a latte at an outdoor café on Rechov Melech George. She wasn't due at Hebrew University until the afternoon. Jerusalem's cooler weather was far more relaxing than the humidity and heat of Tel Aviv. El Al's long flight from Montreal via New York was made unnecessarily long due to the Americans' insistence on visas for Israeli transit passengers. Francis spent a few days in Tel Aviv to get over the jet lag prior to arriving in Jerusalem. Tel Aviv was the centre of Israel's fashion industry. The boutiques in and around Disengoff Square had the first choice of styles before the leavings were shipped to Europe and North America. 

Francis knew fashion as well as she knew Middle Eastern languages. In her student years, Francis financed her studies by modelling for the Bay in Canada and Galeries Lafayette in France. University students didn't get to eat much, with the result that Francis had that lean hardbodied look favoured by fashion photographers. She was especially in demand for lingerie advertising due to the wide hunger-induced gap between her thighs. She could have had any AC/DC fashion photographer or middle-aged department store buyer who admired her crotch. The truth was that there were times that Francis was so desperate and horny that she accepted these advances.

One would think that a beautiful woman could have any man she wanted. The truth was that for every man who was attracted to Francis, one was just as quickly repelled as soon as he learned what her day job was. Rejection was the burden of every intelligent woman wishing to find a man who wanted more than just a beautiful body.

Israeli men were no different, just more aggressive. At first Israeli guys were fascinated by a shikse speaking Classical Hebrew like a Prophet. Once they found out that she was headed for Jerusalem to use her Hebrew on the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Israeli male usually had to run and take care of his sick aunt in Netanya. To Francis, it seemed that there was no place for an intelligent woman in all Israel, as in the rest of the world. 

The years of suffering as a student were over, thank God. Francis had her dream job, translating scrolls as part of the most prestigious team of Biblical scholars in the world. She looked better than ever, more rounded and buxom than when she was a fashion model. Dr. Francis Lajeunesse was on top of the world. She had come a long way since she was a skinny little girl running around Chibougamau. Was it worth all the trouble? This afternoon she would begin her new life. Reaching in her purse for money to pay for her latte, Francis' fingers touched the condom she always carried in case of a chance encounter. Well, Israel wasn't offering many chances so far. Perhaps she would meet a graduate student at the University?

Aviatar Altman was still fuming over Dr. Katan's interference in his department's affairs when his angry thoughts were interrupted by a beautiful woman standing in his door:

"Dr. Altman? Hi. I'm supposed to start work today."

"That's very nice but I believe you're in the wrong building. The Bezalel School of Art is just down the road from here. I understand that they have a policy that nude models should enter by the back door. By mistake, you've come to the office of the Chief Scholar of the Dead Sea Scrolls Project."

"The mistake is yours, Dr. Altman. I'm not a nude model. I'm your new assistant, Dr. Francis Lajeunesse. Didn't Dr. Katan tell you about me?"

"Of course Katan told me I'd be getting an assistant. But, but,…you're a woman."

"I think that's obvious Dr. Altman. Please don't be embarrassed. I'm not offended. In Canada, either a man or a woman can have the name Francis. It's not the first time that someone's made the wrong assumption that I'm a man and it won't be the last." Francis hoped that she could placate the old man by minimizing his mistake. She continued: "However, I'm not here to discuss gender issues. I just want to begin my work on the Scrolls. What's my first assignment?"

Using the time-honoured rabbinical response that translates as "I really haven't the foggiest notion", Dr. Altman answered Dr. Lajeunesse's question with another question: "What qualifies you to work on the most important archaeological discovery of the 20th century, Miss Lajeunesse?"

"It's Dr. Lajeunesse, Mr. Altman. I went through my qualifications with the Selection Committee with the result that they selected me over four others who applied for this post. What qualifies me, you ask? I'm fluent in French, English, Hebrew and Arabic. I would be considered fluent in proto-Sumerian, if only we had some idea of how the written cuneiform was pronounced. My Ph.D. thesis analyzed the philological difficulties posed by the transition from classical Prophetic to Mishnaic Hebrew. I have since ….."

"The woman is qualified," thought Dr. Altman. "But she's still a woman and I never wanted an assistant, male or female, to begin with. I can't let Katan snooker me again. What to do to keep this woman busy and out of my sight?" Then he remembered the box of fragments from Cave XXIV that had lain untouched for 25 years.

"Dr. Lajeunesse, I have the ideal project for you to cut your teeth on, so to speak. The Project has finally obtained all the fragments of what was once an intact scroll. Père Roland de Vaux paid his Bedouin diggers by the fragment. De Vaux was, unfortunately, a naive cleric who never understood the intricacies of the free market system. Thus this scroll comes to us in the random condition you see it today. Some of my fellow scholars on the Project Team think that the scroll may be just another copy of the Genesis Apocryphon as it refers to characters from Torah. Dr. Lajeunesse, that's your assignment beginning tomorrow; to reassemble the fragments and translate them. I'm sorry that the only office available is in the basement. However, these fragments shouldn't be exposed to direct sunlight so the office should be ideal for your work.

Which brings me to another subject, Dr. Lajeunesse. I can't help but notice that you're rather immodestly dressed. All the scholars in this facility, with the exception now of you, are Orthodox men. You will report for work tomorrow with your arms, legs and especially your midriff covered."

"But, this is the latest fashion that I bought in a boutique in Disengoff Square. These clothes aren't even available in Europe, never mind Canada. You can't……."

"I don't care if the apikorsim (heretics) in Tel Aviv dress their women as if they were zonot. When you see Ms. Dror about your paperwork, ask her where in Jerusalem to get appropriate clothes for an Orthodox woman. Report for work tomorrow at 0800 and be properly dressed!"

Yehuda Takes a Wife from among the Canaanites

"1 And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah. 2 And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her. 3 And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er. 4 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan. 5 And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him." (Genesis 38: 1-5, KJV)

The next monthly meeting of the team of scholars was Dr. Lajeunesse's first opportunity to report on her work. Dr. Altman couldn't help being amused at the obvious discomfort of his fellow scholars at being seated at the same table as a beautiful young woman. No, he would maximize his amusement by letting the experienced scholars demonstrate their expertise and then let Dr. Lajeunesse flounder. When all the male scholars had reported on the various fragments they were studying, Dr. Altman looked towards the far end of the table. "We still have to hear from my new assistant. Dr. Lajeunesse, could you provide a progress report on your project to the group?"

"Yes, Dr. Altman. I believe that the fragments I'm working with make up a complete scroll, as you assumed. However, it's not another copy of the Genesis Apocryphon. It's a heretofore unknown book of the Bible. Furthermore, from the style of the writing, I believe that this book was written by a woman."

At this, the meeting broke into cries of "Unbelievable" and "What makes you think you've found a book that has eluded our scholars and sages for thousands of years?" Some of the kinder scholars seated at the table merely smirked at the thought of a woman writing Scripture. Dr. Altman exercised his skills at chairing meetings of egotistical academics and brought the meeting back to order.

"Gentlemen. Please display some decorum and show respect for our new colleague. Please hear Dr. Lajeunesse out. Let her present her theories and then we'll have a discussion. At that time, you can make your remarks and criticisms. Dr. Lajeunesse, I see you managed to assemble and translate some of the fragments of what you claim is a lost book. Please proceed."

Francis read aloud first in the original Classical Hebrew, then in English and finally in French:

In the town of Adullam of Canaan, there lived a man named Hirah, a trader in livestock and wool. He had a comely daughter named Shuah. It came to pass that a wandering Habiru named Yehuda of the tribe of Avraham the Aramean came to the land of Adullam in search of a wife. Hirah killed a fatted goat and baked loaves of bread for his honoured guest. After much feasting accompanied by the slave women dancing around the fire, Hirah and Yehuda began to discuss the purpose of their meeting.

"Listen to what I have to say, oh Hirah. I left my family when I became of age. I have come in search of a wife amongst the Canaanites. I shall not be denied. Your women are renowned for beauty as well as their skills at love. Give me a wife of your womenfolk and I shall reward you out of the abundance of my flocks. Goats, sheep, cattle and slaves that I have captured in battle are yours for the asking. Hear me all of you because I speak the truth!"

Hirah passed not by a good bargain in all his life. He had to give only one worthless woman, in return for which he would get access to a Habiru's herds and slaves. Was this a bargain or was this a bargain? So as to not let this uncultured herder perceive any eagerness on his part, Hirah at first feigned rejection of Yehuda's proposal. The two men bargained for three days in order that Hirah could extract the maximum number of sheep and slaves from Yehuda. Once the bargain was sealed, Hirah hastened to the tent of the women and summoned forth his daughter Shuah. "I have chosen you to be the wife of Yehuda the Habiru. You must go forthwith to his tent and submit to the man."

"No, father, do not do this thing to me. The Habiru are uncouth and uncultured men of the pastures. They have no gods, or they will not reveal them to us. I have heard that this man Yehuda is the worst of the lot. It is rumoured that he killed his own brother and for that reason he shuns his tribe and they shun him in return. If he has killed his own flesh, what will the brute do to a woman not of his own kinfolk?"

Despite her protests, Hirah brought his daughter to the tent of Yehuda, the Habiru. "Behold the woman upon which we agreed. You shall take her to be your wife and do with her as you wish. Just remember to deliver the agreed-upon number of goats, sheep, cattle and slaves before you take your leave of us." Shuah sullenly submitted and entered the tent of Yehuda. Upon the morn, there remained no spirit in her except the most beatific smile upon her countenance. Shuah departed meekly with her husband and dwelt for the rest of her life in the tent of Yehuda. 

It came to pass within the year that Shuah bore a son to Yehuda named Er. Yet, Yehuda attended not the birth of his first-born son as he was making sport among the women of Chezib. Does not a real man deserve a woman after a 6 month absence of her services? Shuah did vent her fury upon Yehuda for his waywardness, yet she bore him another son, Onan, within the second year of their marriage. Thereafter, Shuah bore daughters who counted for nothing in the eyes of a Habiru or a Canaanite. In the tenth year of their marriage, Shuah bore a third son, Shelach.


The Tamar Scroll



Yehuda blessed his three sons mightily with every earthly good with which the LORD had blessed him. Yet Er and Onan did not follow in the ways of their father but those of their mother. Er and Onan had not the manly physique of their father but were slight in body, soft and feminine. They worshiped the false gods of their mother and committed many abominable acts in the sight of the LORD. They refused their father's entreaties to sport with him among the women of the neighbouring towns. Instead, they consorted with the male prostitutes of the Canaanite temples. Yehuda was greatly distressed at the behaviour of his two older sons, yet he held his peace and admonished them not.

Francis concluded her reading with the comment: "I believe that this scroll is the original scroll that was summarized as Genesis Ch. 38 and subsequently became lost. As you know, the Deuteronomic Redactor used many scrolls such as the Book of Yasher and the Chronicles of the Kings of Israel to create the Deuteronomic narrative as we now have it. I believe that this will prove to be the first of the Dead Sea Scrolls that was definitely written by a woman. Clearly from the style, this scroll sets out the woman's point of view of these events."

The staff meeting broke into pandemonium and shouting after listening to Francis' comments. "Blasphemy. A woman couldn't possibly be the source of Torah." And; "Doesn't the fact the writer excuses Yehuda's adultery prove that a man wrote this scroll?"

"Of course not. I believe that the weak excuse for Yehuda's behavior is merely an interpolation by a later male scribe. Furthermore, some of the Torah must reflect women's oral traditions, such as Sarah's laughter at the thought of giving birth or Zipporah's circumcision of Gershon. Women have the same spiritual needs as men. I think that Orthodox Jews are wrong to exclude women from prayers. Yehuda was one of the patriarchs whose all too human behavior had to be sanitized by later generations of men."

The meeting became uncontrollable. Dr. Altman brought the meeting back to order. "Gentlemen and Dr. Lajeunesse, please put aside your differing theological views. What Dr. Lajeunesse has discovered does follow the text of the Torah but it adds details not found in B'rosheet. We know that our sages consulted sources that have been lost through time. Your new scroll could be one of these lost books or it could be just a later piece of pseudepigrapha. By me, I'm not convinced that it's a new book of the Tanach. Despite my doubts, please keep working, Dr. Lajeunesse. However, can you please see me in my office with your next translation a few days before you present your findings to a staff meeting?"

The Marriage of Er

"6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar. 7 And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him." (Genesis 38: 6-7, KJV)

Four weeks after the rowdy staff meeting, Francis Lajeunesse was ready to meet with her boss in his office. She checked and rechecked the translations against her database of archaic Phoenician and proto-Hebrew philology. Her presentation was perfect; nothing was left to chance. This was Francis' first job after graduation and the key to success was to make a good impression on Dr. Altman. The old man wasn't quite as bad as she had thought after her first day at the University. After all, he had taken her side against all the other staff members. Perhaps she shouldn't have gotten off on the wrong foot by wearing low-cut jeans on her first day of work.

On the other hand, she was still banished to the basement and she had to work all covered up. Dr. Altman had given her orders about her clothes but he never said anything about perfume. She would defy her boss by wearing the French perfume she bought when she studied in Paris. That would assert her will around here. Just a touch here and there, enough to stimulate a male but not so much as to reek. No point in putting any perfume between her breasts, given that nobody could see them in these dowdy clothes.

Francis sat down at Dr. Altman's desk, checking the old man's face for signs of approval or disapproval of her perfume. Dr. Altman was a hard read but Francis Lajeunesse thought she could discern a wry smile and a twinkle in the old man's eyes. So he didn't mind a little femininity in his women after all. 

"I reconstructed another segment of the scroll. As you requested, Dr. Altman, I want you to read it before I present it to the other researchers. But first I want to thank you for defending me and my theories against all the others. The way we started out when I came to work here, I never thought you would take my side."

"Dr. Lajeunesse, I'm first and foremost an impartial scholar. My religious views don't get in the way of searching for the truth. As long as you put forward the truth, I have no alternative but to give you my support. Let's see what you've got there."

So, it came to pass that, when his eldest son came of age, Yehuda sought a woman for his son among the Canaanites. Had not Shuah pleasured him mightily and blessed him with offspring in abundance? Surely such a woman would cure his eldest son of his wicked ways. Yehuda hastened to the camp of Hirah with another offer the Canaanite could not refuse. "Hear me, oh Hirah and all his house. Give me a woman for my eldest son, Er. Your women are fair and, yea, they are fertile. I know of my own experience it is true that their skill at love cannot be excelled. I offer the same price for this woman as I paid for my wife."

Hirah pondered this demand. He had another woman within his gates, a cousin of Shuah, whom he had adopted as his own daughter. She was fair and much desired of men but she was without patrimony as her parents had died. She would be troublesome and require of Hirah a dowry of considerable size to have a Canaanite man to take her off his hands. Yet, this rude country bumpkin who worshipped the strange, invisible god was offering to pay to take a burdensome, worthless woman off his hands. Hirah hesitated to bargain and to cheat his kinsman by marriage but the merchant within his soul quickly directed his words.

"I have a woman of marriageable age, the maiden Tamar. See for yourself her beauty and her charm. It will be difficult for me to give her to you for the meager price you offer because I have come to love her as a daughter. Hear me, oh Yehuda; increase your offer by only ten percent and the woman shall be yours. I do this thing only because of the bond that has grown between your family and mine with the marriage and for no other reason. My slaves shall talk to your slaves and ensure that all the sheep and cattle we have agreed to join my herds. We shall eat and drink to this bargain and to the sealing of this renewed covenant between our families?"

So it was that Yehuda traveled with me from the Camp of Hirah to his camp. I saw that Yehuda admired me despite my veiled face and was engulfed in lust for my body. What man could resist the sight of a young Canaanite woman's breasts outlined through her robes? My lithe body sorely tempted Yehuda's manhood as he led the donkey along the dusty trail. The man was in rut, yet I knew that I was safe with this Habiru. His invisible god was all-seeing and all-knowing, unlike our Canaanite idols whose jurisdiction ended at the border of each town. The invisible god would restrain the hand of the Habiru from violating my maidenhood. The idea of this churlish man constrained by a being neither he nor I could see somehow delighted me. From that moment on, I sorely tempted the Habiru and played upon his lustful impulses. I let my robe slip at times to allow the base of my breasts to be seen. Upon dismounting from the donkey, I let my leg be visible well above the knee. Yehuda became quite solicitous of my comfort, assuring that I had choice food and sufficient water during our journey as well as many opportunities to dismount and relieve myself.

Our silent game ended when we reached the camp. Yehuda ordered many fatling kids and lambs to be slaughtered. The women of the camp washed the dust from my body that had accumulated during the journey. They placed the wedding robe upon me and decorated my face with henna. There was dancing and merriment throughout the camp. Finally the groom was brought to the wedding feast, dressed in a colourful robe and golden finery. The gold jewelry he wore multiplied his feminine countenance. Er played the part of the bride better than did I.

"Behold, my son Er. I have brought to you the maiden Tamar intact and a virgin. Behold her in all her womanhood. She shall use her body to make you become a real man. You shall sire me many children and I will become the most powerful of the Sons of Israel."

I left the wedding feast and the women prepared me for consummation of the marriage. They washed me of the henna and placed a white linen robe on me. Er entered the marriage tent with a sullen look upon his face. "My father has ordered me to take you as my bride. I shall do what my father tells me in order to keep my inheritance but I shall do it in my own manner. On your knees, woman."

I knelt in submission and prepared for whatever pleasure this effeminate creature could provide me. He summarily raised the hem of my robe and came into me in the manner in which one man comes into another man. My lord Er committed the abomination of the men of Sodom upon me. I would have cried in pain but the man's member was tiny and soft. When this loathsome creature left me in the tent to cavort with the other men of his ilk, I cried unto the God of the tribe to which I now belonged by marriage. "Oh Lord, hear your servant Tamar. I am blameless in this disgusting act. I did not do this thing of my own will but I was forced to commit this abomination by my evil husband."

The God of Yehuda and his forefathers heard my prayers and answered with His mighty outstretched arm. A shepherd tending a portion of Yehuda's flocks told the story to me. The morning after our wedding, Er and the shepherd were pasturing flocks on opposite sides of the Valley of Elah. The shepherd watched Er committing the same abominable act upon a sheep with which he dishonoured me. Suddenly, he noticed a lion stalking the sheep on a rock above Er. It was too far for Er to hear the shepherd's shouts of alarm and he could not leave his own flock unattended for fear that the lion would attack the sheep entrusted to his own care. The lion sprang upon both Er and the sheep, devouring the first for the entrée and the second for the dessert. When help arrived, all that was left of Er were some gnawed bones and his tiny manhood, spit out on the ground by the beast. 

A rumour circulated within the camp of Yehuda that I had placed a Canaanite curse upon my lord Er. Yet, I know in my heart that it was not I who caused the destruction of Er. His own wickedness had earned him the retribution of the Hand of the Invisible God he rejected. Oh God of the Habiru, I give Thee thanks for my deliverance from the evil Er and from the hand of those who hate me. 

Francis looked up from her notes. Dr. Altman face bore no expression. Was he offended at her perfume or was he just not listening? Francis nervously continued: This portion of the scroll convinces me more than ever that the scroll was written by a woman and that the woman who authored this scroll was none other than Tamar herself. Once she enters the story, the narrative changes to the first person. What do you think, Dr. Altman?"

Dr. Altman gave a smile, the first that Francis had seen since she began working with him. He wasn't offended after all, just deep in thought. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying himself. "There's a lot to think about in what you say. I'm still not convinced that a woman wrote this scroll, yet the narrative is consistent with the Torah. Somehow, it's far richer in the details it adds. For example, Torah states that God killed Er for his wickedness. Now we know exactly what that wicked act was. We always thought that Er's sin was denying Tamar children and his father, Yehuda, grandchildren. Your scroll says that it's the sin of anal rape. Dr. Lajeunesse, your scroll solves a problem that has baffled rabbis for ages."

"But, isn't that a little far-fetched, killing someone for sodomy? Lots of men have…ummmh, well, never mind. Let's just say that I don't have any dead men on my résumé. I mean God doesn't go around killing gay men these days."

"I hear that there are those in your country who believe that God should get back into the business of killing homosexuals. In China and Russia, they still consider homosexuality to be a criminal act. Are we, in modern times, acting any better than God and man did in ancient times?"

"Point taken, Dr. Altman. I won't get into any of that at the staff meeting; just the straight translation. Let me continue to recover the text of the scroll. Thanks so much for your input."

As Francis returned to her basement office, she mulled over her latest encounter with the old man. He had actually complimented her work! Dr. Altman wasn't such a bad old fart after all. 

The Sins of Onan and Er

"8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. 9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. 10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also." (Genesis 38: 8-10, KJV)

Francis Lajeunesse finished her assembly and translation of the next section of the scroll. She was looking forward to her one-on-one meeting with Dr. Altman, now that she saw that he accepted some feminine teasing. He supported her when the other scholars had dumped on her ideas. The old man had been so much warmer the last time they met in his office. Perhaps she could get the old man to warm up even a little more. "What can I do for the old man this time?" she pondered. Francis stood up and caught her reflection in the mirror behind the office door. Damn, these clothes are so unfashionable. The long sleeves and the dress flowing downwards to her shoe tops left much to the imagination. The imagination was the key and she took her cue from Tamar. In the Tamar Scroll, Tamar teased Yehuda's imagination and, as a result, had a much more pleasant journey with the older man.

Francis opened a strategic button on her blouse. She reached behind, unsnapped her bra and withdrew one strap through her sleeve and then the whole brassiere through the other sleeve. Miss Dror demonstrated how to take her brassiere off under her clothes one day when the University's masgan (air conditioning) failed and, since that day, Francis had made the trick her own. She unfastened a strategic button, turned to the right and admired herself in the mirror. Perfect. Her breasts were not overly large but they were a typical firm and well-shaped French chest. No man could resist the outline of her nipples through the cotton blouse. The curving skin of her left breast was clearly visible through the open blouse. A flash of a young woman's breast should be just the right friendly gesture to a widower of two years.

Yehuda was mightily grieved with the loss of his eldest son. The God of Abraham his great-grandfather was even more grieved that Yehuda did not learn by his mistakes and cut his losses immediately. When his period of mourning was completed, Yehuda inquired of the women of his camp as to my state. The women replied that I was barren. They spared him not the reason for my barrenness as the evil Er had debauched their own sons. Yehuda declared: "I will have offspring from my loins until the seventh generation. Bring Onan, my second son, unto me." Yehuda's servants brought the trembling Onan into the tent of his father. "You will sire for me the children your brother did not and you will get down to business immediately. Tonight, you shall lie with the woman, Tamar, and bring forth a man child to carry on my name," thundered Yehuda.

He told the men to kill a fatted calf and the women to prepare me to wed Onan. The women, who had just finished the sorrowful wails of mourning for Er, danced without enthusiasm. Onan came to the wedding feast dressed in the same wedding clothes as had his brother. His visage was sullen and sour. We ate the meal in silence. To complete this sad spectacle, a storm approached from the Great Sea to the west as I retired to the tent of Onan.

The women removed what little henna they had wasted on me. I put on my white wedding gown and awaited the entrance of my new husband. All too soon, he parted the flap of the tent. "We will get this over with as soon as possible, woman. On your knees!" Whereupon he removed all his clothes and then attempted to enter my behind. Behold, Onan's member was as tiny and soft as that of his dead brother. He could penetrate my bowels only to the depth of one joint of my thumb.

In disgust at his pitiful performance, Onan stood up, took his tiny member in his hand. Onan proceeded to spill his seed all over my naked back. The act disgusted me so I hid my face from Onan's sight. Then he said, "Now I will go out in the rain and wash your stink from my body." Without dressing, he left to walk in the rainstorm. I heard nothing but the rain as it pelted my tent and Onan splashing in puddles like a child. Suddenly I heard a thunderous voice speak from on high. "Onan, you have maltreated the woman Tamar and committed even more abominable acts than your brother Er. I will take your life from you as I did your brother Er but I will burden you with an additional humiliation for all time. From this time henceforth, the name of Onan will be known as the Father of All Handjobs."

At this curse upon the name of Onan, I saw a flash of light and heard the crash of thunder. Then there was only the sound of the rain. I feared to see what had happened, but I looked out. All that remained of Onan was a pile of ashes. It was at this moment that I began to believe and to honour this invisible God worshipped by the Habiru. He had vindicated me and destroyed the two men who were not men who had humiliated me.

 

Avi Altman started his questions even before "Have you decided to give your book a better name than the number of the cave where it was found?

"I have tentatively named this scroll "The Tamar Scroll." I'm more than ever convinced it was not only written by a woman but that woman may have been Tamar herself. Do you see how the narrative changes to the first person singular once Tamar enters the narrative?"

"That's nonsense, Dr. Lajeunesse. The Canaanites had not developed proto-Hebraic script until centuries after the times of the Avot."

"I realize that. However, that doesn't leave out the possibility that the scroll was written in cuneiform. To check that out, I did a philological comparison on my computer. The result is that there is a 28% affinity between the Hebrew words in this text and Sumerian roots."

Avi Altman was stunned. Computers, now. The woman was brilliant and could back up her theories using leading-edge technology. "I think we may have something for those hidebound so-called scholars to think about."

"We, Dr. Altman? Does that mean you'll collaborate on the translation and the presentation to the other scholars?"

Avi sheepishly grinned and agreed to collaborate on the translation. Francis then discussed the various archaisms in the original with the reasons for any novel translations. At the end of this technical discussion, the old man gave no answer. "Is this chapter ready to be discussed at the meeting, Dr. Altman?" He gathered together her notes and the translated chapter.




The Tamar Scroll



"I think so. But there may be more in what you have uncovered than you know. There is a Midrash that speaks of 'ma'aseh Er ve-Onan' or 'the act of Er and Onan'. We never knew what this meant as the Torah text is quite vague regarding Er's sin. As a goy, you wouldn't know any of this, of course. You seem to have uncovered a scroll whose text proves the two men committed the same sin or sins as it were. That may be evidence that this scroll existed prior to the time the Sages wrote the Talmud and that the Sages knew of the common sin of Er and Onan.

At the meeting, I hope that you don't mind if I lead the discussion of the Talmud and its relation to this scroll? I think that if it came from someone Jewish, that would lend more weight to your findings."

"I would be delighted if you would, Dr. Altman. I think this is the first staff meeting I'll be looking forward to."

Francis Lajeunesse rose from the chair and shifted her shoulders while turning to the right far enough to open her blouse at the point of the open button. She stopped to smile as she opened the door. The expression on the old man's face betrayed the fact that he had taken a naughty peek. He had seen the perfectly shaped mound of flesh on her chest. As she walked back to her office, Francis thought, "Dr. Altman does have some physical feelings for women. I wonder if he can still perform. At least there's nothing wrong with his mind. He's very intelligent and he promised to get involved with my work. I'm starting to like this old guy."

Yehuda Revisits Adullam

"11 Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father's house. 12 And in process of time the daughter of Shuah Judah's wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheepshearers to Timnath, he and his friend Hirah the Adullamite. 13 And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Timnath to shear his sheep." Genesis 38: 11-13, KJV)

Francis Lajeunesse sat down at Avi Altman's desk once more. In preparation for today's meeting, she had taken care to wear a long denim wraparound skirt similar to the style worn by the more fashionable young haredi ladies. Unlike the haredi women, Dr. Lajeunesse arranged her skirt so that the wraparound fell away upon taking a seat. Just in case the skirt didn't fall away by itself, Francis crossed her legs, exposing an expanse of her thighs to Dr. Altman's view. The Chief Scholar's eyes were fixed upon the provocative sight before him. Was that a hint of lust in Dr. Altman's eyes? Francis interrupted the awkward silence, bringing the meeting back to its original purpose.

"I have another page of the scroll assembled and transcribed. But there's something in this passage that now makes me doubt the authenticity of the 'Tamar Scroll'. Dr. Altman, I fear you may have been right about the scroll being just pseudepigrapha. I have run across a passage in the scroll that appears to be the same sort of fantasy as we see in the pseudepigrapha genre."

"Dr. Lajeunesse, you're the one who cautioned me that I shouldn't jump to conclusions. Why don't you let me read this chapter and then we'll discuss whether there's a problem in the text."

Yehuda banished me from his encampment screaming after me: "You have robbed me of my two sons and you shall not take the third. I must have a son to say Kaddish before my tomb. You will live as a widow in Adullam and remain barren for the rest of your days." Upon hearing this curse, I went back to the village of my uncle Hirah. Word of the misfortunes of my two marriages had preceded me. Hirah would not let me enter his camp, lest I bring the same misfortune upon his family. Instead, he sent me to my father's house in the village where once he plied his trade as a potter. "Stay there with my servants, wear widow's garments and pray to the gods of Canaan that they show favour upon you."

So, it came to pass during my widowhood that my cousin Shuah died and Yehuda was left without woman. The thought came to me that the death of my cousin left no impediment to Yehuda himself fulfilling the law with me. If the man still lusted after me as he did when I sat upon his donkey, I could bring him the heirs and progeny he so desired. More than the law, it was I, Tamar, who personally needed fulfillment and to be made a completed woman. I remained a twice-married maiden.

The servants of Hirah informed my servants that Yehuda would come to Adullam to shear his sheep and the sheep of their master. I dismissed my servants under the pretext that they should assist the household of my uncle with his myriad country guests. As I suspected he would, Yehuda came to my house in the dark, in order not to be seen by others. He entered my house exuding the aroma of sheep wool and the smell of a man who had toiled all day in the sun. His smell was manly and his smell was strong.

"Greetings, Oh Tamar. I have come to ensure myself that you lack nothing. As the widow of both my sons, I am doubly obligated for your support." I could not tell him that all I lacked in my life was a man and children. We seated ourselves on cushions and talked for many hours. I sensed that this may have been the first time in his life that Yehuda had a real conversation with a woman. We spoke of his family, of his sons who had been lost to the wrath of his God. I offered my condolences at the untimely death of my cousin, Shuah. His speech gave way to sadness and then to tears because he was lonely without a woman. When a man is moved to tears, he is ready to be comforted by a woman and then seduced. I put my hands in his rough hands and laid my head on his shoulder. He embraced me and placed a kiss upon my lips.

"Your kiss is sweet, oh Tamar, and your body is warm. It has been so long since I held a woman. Forgive me but I need you now."

Yehuda untied my garment and bared my shoulders and breasts. He kissed my shoulders and pleasured my breasts gently. He did caress my erect nipples between his calloused fingers. Then he lay me down on the rug and removed my garments completely. His visage was gentle and kind, unlike the hateful looks his sons had given me. His face disappeared from view as he removed his robe. I looked down at the man's member and gasped. I could not keep an exclamation from escaping my lips. His member was fully a half-cubit long and its girth was that of my forearm. How unlike the sons was the father.

I could not stop the man as he was completely consumed with lust. He parted my legs and placed his member on my nakedness. I gasped in pain as he entered unto me. His member had the hardness of the rocks of the Negev as it burrowed deeply into me and disappeared into my nakedness. I screamed in pain but he heard me not in his lust. His fury abated quickly for he spoke the truth about not having a woman for a year. Yehuda withdrew from within me and quickly replaced his robe. As he reached for my garments, he sighted an issue of blood from my nakedness.

"Woman, it is your time of the month. You have caused me to sin for I am now unclean. I must remain outside my encampment for seven days of purification before I can perform the sacrifice."

"Nay, my lord Yehuda. I am not unclean. I was a maiden until you yourself fulfilled the obligations of your sons. Now I have been made a complete woman by your strong member."

"My sons have not gone into you? So that is why my sons gave me not an heir."

"Give me your remaining son, my lord Yehuda. He shall open my womb and you shall have the heirs you so mightily desire and deserve."

"That I cannot now do, Tamar. It is forbidden by our God for a son to marry a woman who has known his father, lest the son uncover his father's nakedness."

Whereupon Yehuda turned his back to me and left for his encampment outside the gates of the city.

Dr. Altman remained silent, pondering the meaning of this portion of the scroll. Finally, he looked up. "I can't find anything problematic in this portion of the scroll, Dr. Lajunesse. May I ask what it is in this passage you've read that makes you doubt the authenticity of this scroll?"

"It's so obvious, Dr. Altman. Didn't you notice the measurement that Tamar gives for Yehuda's, um, winkie? She says that it's half a cubit long as if that's a matter of fact. A cubit is 46 cm. That means Yehuda's, uh, winkie was 23 cm. long. That's impossible. I've learned a lot about men and I assure you that winkies are 15 cm. in length give or take a cm. of variance for some subjects. That range of dimensions was substantiated in 1996 by a statistically valid study of males in a neighbouring country. (Footnote: Awwad Z, Abu-Hijleh M, Basri S, Shegam N, Murshidi M, Ajlouni K (2005). "Penile measurements in normal adult Jordanians and in patients with erectile dysfunction". Int. J. Impot. Res. 17 (2): 191–5.)"

"If I may correct you, Dr. Lajeunesse, in Patriarchical times the cubit was equivalent to 52 cm, the so-called Royal Cubit. This measurement has been verified by Egyptian archaeologists at Giza and Karnak. Therefore Yehuda's zain, schlong or winkie as you term it, could be over 25 cm long."

"That's ridiculous, Dr. Altman. Besides what about the girth of the zain that Tamar describes as being as thick as her wrist."

"I guess that your stay in Israel has been somewhat sheltered because another Hebrew term for the zain is "yad", which means "hand" but it can also mean "arm". Thus the girth of Yehuda's zain is verified by modern idiomatic Hebrew. Dr. Lajeunesse, by disputing what the text says about Yehuda's zain, you are disputing the very detail that authenticates your scroll as genuine history."

"Say what?"

"Please have a seat, Dr. Lajeunesse. What I am about to tell you will seem at first to have as much substance as the Protocols of the Elders of Zion but, unlike that Tsarist document, this is the truth. Do you recall from your Torah that in ancient days, people lived longer lives than our current life expectancy? Just as lives were longer in ancient times, men's zains were also longer, thicker and harder. Those certainly were the good old days."

"Please don't patronize me, Dr. Altman. I know that you're just trying to encourage my work but I'd rather you told me the past few months have been a waste of time and I should start reassembling and translating something else."

Avi Altman got up from his chair, walked over to the whiteboard and assumed a pose that he normally reserved for the lecture hall. With a dry erasable marker, he wrote out Hebrew quotations from the Torah. Francis Lajeunesse shifted her position to face the whiteboard, letting part of her skirt expose her left leg. She crossed her legs, exposing the inside of her thigh well above the knee. Dr. Altman didn't register any protest.

"I'm not at all patronizing you, Dr. Lajeunesse. Please allow me to demonstrate with references to zain in Torah. The Nephilim, or giants as they're translated in your English Bibles, were not really any taller or more muscled than the average man of their times. However, they were giants between their legs compared to the ordinary male. As you have rightly discerned, the Torah seems to have a male point of view, so when it says that 'the daughters of men were fair' to the Nephilim, it means that the daughters of men thought the zains of the Nephilim were also 'fair'. In B'Reshit or Genesis, the offspring of the Nephilim were apparently able to transmit their zains to their sons because they were the 'Heroes of old'. Would any woman call a guy with a teeny-weenie zain 'My Hero'?

Let's look at Ya'akov or Yisrael as he ultimately became known. Ya'akov had two wives, Leah and Rachel, that he managed to keep satisfied to the tune of eight sons. Torah also records that Ya'akov messed around with the maids of his both two wives for a total of four more sons. Now, that's a remarkable record for any man's zain. The Tanach definitely implies that there was something unusually attractive to women about Ya'akov.

The twelve sons of Israel, including the Yehuda of your scroll, inherited their father's endowments. I need only refer to Ya'akov's number one son, Reuven. The Torah says that he had an affair with Bilhah, one of his mother's maids. Since Bilhah had two sons by Ya'akov, Dan and Naphtali, she must have known that Reuven had a case of 'like father, like son' in the zain department. Her desire for big zain was enough to overcome the tribal taboo of sex with father and son.

Then there's the unnamed wife of Potiphar who was after Joseph's private parts. This woman must have observed Joseph's bulging package while he was busy overseeing Potiphar's estate. Why would she have gotten Joseph in private and then yanked off his clothes if it wasn't curiosity about what he had down there? In fact, it wasn't Joseph's rejection of Potiphar's wife's advances that landed him in jail. Potiphar's wife was so frightened when she saw the actual the size of Joseph's zain that she decided to claim rape instead of letting Joseph's huge appendage violate her.

Let us skip to the days of the Slavery. In the Book of Sh'mot (Exodus) the story is told in Chapter 1: 'The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, whose names were Shiphrah and Puah, "When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live." Now, this Pharaoh must be as dumb as a stele because it was the male slaves who did the heavy lifting that built his tombs and pyramids. Ostensibly, he wanted the males killed because the bnei Yisrael had become too numerous. That's nonsense because the more male slaves he has, the more work gets done on the Pharoah's toys. No, the real reason for Pharaoh's order is that the Avot (Patriarchs) had transmitted their oversize zains to their children 400 years later. The killings were a pure case of national penis envy on the part of the Egyptians."

"Are you telling me, Dr. Altman, that the Egyptians were somewhat under-endowed down there?"

"Of course. Have you ever seen a zain hanging below those miniskirts that Egyptian men wore? Remember that these events took place in the days before underwear was invented. Let me continue. Moshe was a Levite. The Levites were chosen as the priesthood because, in a nation of big zain, the Levites had the biggest. Remember that the Sacrificial System in Torah requires that only the best be brought to the Temple. The Levite priests were the biggest and best at sex.

Now, why was Moshe picked out and saved by hiding him in a waterproof cradle in the reeds? Apparently, even as a baby, his mother and sisters realized that his zain was a remarkable specimen, even for a Levite. When the package floated into the hands of Pharaoh's daughter, what she noticed first was Moshe's package. Given the puny zain of the in-bred males around her, Moshe, with a big zain even at the tender age of a few days, seemed like the salvation for her frustration. Yes, Pharaoh's daughter decided to 'grow her own', as it were.

In Numbers 12, there is one sentence that refers to Moshe having married a Cushi woman. I ask you, Dr. Lajeunesse, why would an African woman make a journey all the way north to the Desert of Sin to marry Moshe, if she could have all the industrial-sized schvartze schlong in Africa she could ever want? No, the reputation of Moshe's zain had spread from Egypt south into the land of Cush, beckoning to the black women of Africa.

Now, in Devarim or Deuteronomy 34:7, your King James Bible reads 'And Moshe was an hundred and twenty years old when he died: his eye was not dim, nor his natural force abated.' That translation is very prudish because the Hebrew reads 'v'Moshe ben Meah v'esrim shanah b'moto lo chatah eyno v'lo nas lecho.' After the final conjunctive vav and the negating lo, you find the word nas. Nas is a conjugation of the verb 'to flee' and 'lecho' is 'his moisture'. So, in Hebrew, 'nor his natural force abated' reads 'and his moisture had not fled'. 

So here we have confirmation that Moshe lived to a great age linked to the fact that he still had a working zain. Now, why did the Deuteronomic Historian praise Moshe's zain in his old age if there wasn't something about his schlong that was as remarkable as the man's life itself?

In later times, the Book of Kings records that Avshalom worked his way completely through his father's sizeable harem in a single day and in the full sight of the population of Jerusalem. That's a remarkable score for ancient or modern times but why do it in the full sight of the populace if he didn't have something to show off?"

As Dr. Altman continued on, Francis Lajeunesse's eyes wandered to the crotch of her boss' pants. She never noticed it before but Dr. Altman's pants bulged noticeably. Like most young women, Francis Lajeunesse never associated old men with sexuality. In fact, the thought of her elderly boss as a sexual being was as big a shock to Francis as when she realized her parents had sex in order to conceive her. Dr. Altman's lecture on ancient penises coupled to her new-found curiosity surrounding Dr. Altman's own appendage aroused Francis. The damp feeling between her legs confirmed that her own moisture had not fled.

"Dr. Altman, I believe that this lecture is the beginnings of what could form the next paper you publish. I find your theory about ancient zain quite, um, exciting. If we can prove the existence of such large penises in ancient times, it will add credence to the Tamar Scroll when we publish. But this theory of yours will remain just conjecture unless I can find the hard data to support what you've postulated."

"Why do I need data? I just proved my point from Torah. What more do I need than that?"

"Forgive me for being the Devil's Advocate where the Bible is involved but the scholarly community will be just as skeptical as I was. There's the Jordanian study I mentioned that supports much smaller penis sizes than what you claim existed among the ancient Hebrews. This study will be cited by your skeptical scholarly rivals to disprove your theory. We have to prepare to counter their criticism."

"We, Dr. Lajeunesse? I believe that now you're offering to collaborate with me on this paper. I accept, with some reservations. I don't see how data fits into a paper on Biblical Research. And if we do need data, where does it come from?"

"Dr. Altman, I think that all the data we need is in this very room. I believe that you have the proof between your legs. That's why the size of Yehuda's zain didn't cause you any concerns. Could I pose a couple of questions? The first question is, 'Is your family descended from the priesthood?'"

"How did you guess that? My father's family name actually was Cohen. He changed it to Altman because he thought it sounded more German. Well, that didn't save his store from being trashed on Kristallnacht. He fled to what was then Palestine where he met my mother. Her family was Russian Jews with the name Levitt. As you know, the cohanim are only allowed to marry within the priesthood. Yes, I remember my father giving the priestly blessing at Shavuot. He wanted me to become a rabbi but I loved the ancient languages more, so…."

To put an end to the old man reminiscing, she interrupted: "Could we proceed to the next question, Dr. Altman. I'm sorry to have to ask you this but has your moisture fled? And if it hasn't, that would mean that you could counter any objection to the authenticity of the Tamar Scroll by showing me 25 cm. of zain."




The Tamar Scroll



Dr. Altman shook his head at the skepticism of the new breed of scholars. He slowly undid his belt and let his pants fall to the ground. He reached into his underwear, fumbled around inside and pulled out his hand. His hand was clutching his zain with six or seven centimeters of the tip dangling from his fist. Dr. Lajeunesse gasped the same gasp of surprise as had Tamar thousands of years before.

"I remind you, Dr. Lajeunesse, that it is purely in the interest of your scientific research that I do this. There, doesn't that prove that zain of the size described in your scroll exists?"

"Take your hand away, Dr. Altman. My God! It's flaccid but it's still bigger than anything I've ever seen erect. I have to measure your winkie, um, purely as a means of gathering scientific data for your paper, of course." Francis reached for the ruler on the desk with one hand and took Avi's penis in the other. "Let's see, it's 20, no 21, no 22 centimeters. Why, Dr. Altman, I believe that you're becoming tumescent. Your moisture hasn't fled after all. Now, I will make it fully erect for the all-important measurement in the erect state."

Dr. Lajeunesse dropped to her knees and placed the tip of Dr. Altman's penis in her mouth. She felt his huge member swell within her mouth. It was impossible to move her tongue. She managed to move Dr. Altman's zain in and out of her mouth slightly, which only made it expand and harden further. Unplugging her mouth with a slight pop, Francis bent down for the ruler. The dampness in her panties gave way to a lustful tingle engulfing her pussy.

"Oh God! Oops, pardon my language, Dr. Altman, but your zain is 27 centimeters long. Yes, that's well over half a cubit and a royal cubit at that. You've proven to this scientist that such a zain does exist. Now, I need to do some more research on this magnificent specimen. Please leave your pants down, Dr. Altman. Older men should never waste an erection, especially one of such proportions. Now, I need to experience what Tamar experienced from Yehuda's zain. Please come here and pleasure me as Tamar was pleasured." 

Francis Lajeunesse's hand instinctively started to lift her long dress but her "research" was interrupted by Dr. Altman's telephone ringing. Avi Altman grabbed his pants and shuffled back to his desk. "This process of gathering data is very stimulating but I really must take this telephone call. It's the Bedouin antiquities dealer, Mustafa ibn Sharmuta. The last time we talked, he hinted that his cousin found some new scrolls in the Aravah."

Francis Lajeunesse resumed her seat enveloped in a fog of amazement at the sight she had just witnessed. A scant minute ago, she had 27 cm. of circumcised, erect zain in her mouth. Avi Altman's animated bargaining in Arabic seemed to be far off in the distance. Finally, the bargaining ceased. Dr. Altman was about to rise from his seat and resume helping Dr. Lajeunesse with her research when Zalman Katan entered the office unannounced. Dr. Katan's powers of observation failed him, as usual. He neither noticed Dr. Lajeunesse's flushed cheeks nor Dr. Altman's pants around his ankles.

"Avi, Don't get up. I just wanted to remind you that there's a University Board meeting tomorrow. I'll be presenting my plan for reducing our paper clip expenses and I'll need your input. By the way, it's nice to see that you two are getting along so well. Miss Dror told me, in confidence of course, that she sensed there might be some personality conflicts. Dr. Lajeunesse, you must join me for a drink at my golf club sometime. Well, l'hitraut you two."

Dr. Katan closed the door behind him. The two scholars looked at each other. Avi Altman posed the scholarly equivalent of "Your place or mine?" "I believe that the next time we get together, your office may be a more appropriate venue for conducting this line of research, Dr. Lajeunesse." 

The Doggie of Canaan

"14 And she put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her with a veil, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife. 15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face. 16 And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me? 17 And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it? 18 And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him. 19 And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood. (Genesis 38: 14-19)

Francis Lajeunesse arranged her clothes on her bed. Today was the first meeting with her mentor since she had discovered an unknown truth hidden in the Bible. Dr. Altman avoided her for the past two weeks. Had Dr. Katan noticed something strange when he interrupted their last meeting? Was Dr. Altman shy about exposing such a magnificent specimen of manhood to her view? Perhaps he just didn't like oral sex. Well, she would have it out in today's meeting.

Hebrew University's dress code required Francis to wear long dresses and to keep her arms covered in accordance with Orthodox halacha. There was nothing in the University's dress code that required her to wear underwear. Britney Spears herself could walk the halls of the University, provided her skirt and blouse met regulations. Francis placed her panties back in the dresser drawer. Today, she would go to work "combat" style.

Avi Altman walked along the dingy corridors of the basement level. Relays noisily clicked as lights came on and timed off, illuminating Avi's way as he walked to Dr. Lajeunesse's office. He had gone from resenting Katan's choice of an assistant to enthusiasm about every aspect of Dr. Lajeunesse. He had come full circle from joy at banishing his unwanted assistant, to regret at the conditions to which he was subjecting his love, to joy that he would consummate their love in privacy.

For three weeks, Dr. Altman thought of nothing else but Dr. Lajeunesse and her "research". He seemed to his colleagues to be off in the distance and uninterested in supervising their work. On the other hand, Dr Altman no longer seemed sad and mournful. He deliberately avoided Francis Lajeunesse so that there would be no office gossip. Avi Altman was also mindful of the scandal that had enveloped the President of Israel. The Chief Scholar mustn't be accused of molesting his new assistant the way Moshe Katsav was accused of raping "Aleph". Of course, he hadn't forced Dr. Lajeunesse into oral sex. Her blowjob was as consensual as Monica Lewinsky's. Now, Dr. Lajeunesse insisted that they meet in her office to discuss the next section of the scroll. That must mean that "My place or yours" had already been resolved.

"Come in, Dr. Altman. I haven't printed out my translation yet. Could you sit beside me so we can both watch the same screen? I wish Dr. Katan would buy us more computers." Avi Altman wished no such thing at that moment as he settled in the chair beside Dr. Lajeunesse. She didn't move away as his leg touched hers. He breathed in Francis' expensive French perfume. "Proceed with your next section, Dr. Lajeunesse."

Upon the departure of Yehuda, I resided in my house upon my cushions. My servants did provide me with food and comforts, assuming that I did not arise because I was in the way of a woman. The pain of becoming a woman because of the penetration of such great manhood subsided during the time of the shearing of the sheep. My insides felt as crushed as the coarse grain that the farmers sold in our market. Despite the ravishing that Yehuda had visited upon me, I came to desire his intimacy again. Yet, I heard nothing from him nor did he honour me with his presence. Had he abandoned me again, as he had sent me away after the death of Onan?

My maidservant served me my evening meal with little joy. I asked her, "Why do you look so downcast, oh Avishag?" She replied, "My lady Tamar, do you recall the evening of the visit of your father Yehuda. Upon his taking leave of this house, you told me to bring another jar of water for your ablutions. It was late evening when I went to fetch water from the well as you asked and I found that the gate of the village had closed upon my return. I was stranded outside the wall of our town, so I sought warmth and shelter in the camp of the Habiru who were camped nearby the gate. I was comforted and sheltered by the chief herdsman of Yehuda, your father-in-law. Yes my Mistress, I have lain with him. He has pleasured me to such ecstasy every evening lo these three weeks that I have promised myself to him and to cleave to him all my life. On the morrow, they return with their herds and slaves to Timnath. I may not see him again for seven more years until he is freed from his indenture, as is the custom of the Habiru. Such is the reason for my sadness of demeanor." 

I asked her why she would want to be wed to a man of the lowest class of primitive nomads, a man without wealth or culture. Her reply did not surprise me. "The Habiru men may be rough, primitive and poor but they carry their treasure between their thighs." Avishag then held her hands to describe a length of manhood almost as impressive as the member of my lord Yehuda. Had I myself not been with Yehuda and seen with mine own eyes, I might have dismissed this tale of my maidservant as exaggeration of the lower classes. I asked if she had lain with my father as well. "May the gods forbid that a woman such as I should betray her betrothed to lie with another man." I then asked if Yehuda had taken any woman to his tent, as had his herdsman. "Your father-in-law doth behave properly as befits a man who still mourns his wife."

I was elated at this news but my elation was short-lived. She knew the secret I had discovered when Yehuda did make me a complete woman and she knew of the visit of Yehuda. To protect my secret and the reputation of Yehuda, I said: "Avishag, I now give you your freedom to go with this man and to bear him many children. Your freedom comes to you with a price, however. I solemnly forbid you to ever speak of me in the camp of Yehuda. I adjure you that whatsoever took place before your eyes in this house shall never pass your lips. Swear to me now, Avishag." Thus, I bade her farewell and blessed her union with her man.

Upon Avishag's departure, I decided that I would not deny myself the pleasure in which my own maidservant did so many times indulge herself. A plan entered my head whereby I should lay again with my lord Yehuda. The man denied me his son as a husband but he would not deny himself to me. I knew that he had a weakness for the women of Canaan. It was the time of the year when the gods of Canaan ordained that seed should be implanted in the ground. The god Ba'al Hadad ensured a bountiful crop of grain and fruit for his worshippers by implanting his seed within the goddess Asherah. In gratitude to the god and goddess, the men of Canaan at this time of year would re-enact the coupling of Ba'al and Asherah by planting their seed in the prostitutes of the temples. I hastened to put this plan in motion since Yehuda would leave on the morrow. I searched among the garments of my maidservant and donned a common robe. It mattered not that I was garbed as a lowly maidservant and not as a temple prostitute. Avishag's clothing would suffice to mislead a simple Habiru.

On the morn, I took up a station beside the ancient sacred pillar on the path from Adullam to Timnath whence Yehuda would walk on his way to rejoin his main camp. I had only a few hours to wait until I spied Yehuda with his flocks, his herdsmen and the women. I pulled a veil over my face to disguise me from both my lord Yehuda and my maidservant, who had joined her life to the chief herdsman. My lord Yehuda preceded his flocks and servants to guard against thieves who might lie in wait for booty. But it was only I, Tamar, who lay in wait. Yea, my theft would be to steal the manhood of Yehuda.

I lowered my veil in order that my lord Yehuda could perceive that I invitingly fluttered my eyelids at him. He immediately recognized the meaning of my gestures and halted beside me. "I have not been with a woman for lo these two years since my wife died. What is the custom of the land of Canaan in this matter," he asked. The man told me a double falsehood that he had not known a woman for lo these last two years. I knew that he had lain with me within a week and Shuah had died only a year ago and I knew that he was well acquainted with the spring rites of Canaan. 

Upon hearing his concealment of our coupling, I should have summarily rejected the man as unreliable but I desperately needed to access his treasure, as my maidservant had termed it. When the waters of lust flow within in a woman's loins, her loins and not her head will always rule her actions. Yea, the waters did flow within my loins and down my leg as the waters flow in the great rivers Efrat and Hidekel. I blinded myself to his deceitfulness and replied, "In order for Ba'al Hadad to bless our crops and your herds, you are required to provide me with ten shekels of silver, five for me and five for the treasury of the temple of Asherah."

Yehuda's visage became downcast. "I do not possess money as the man of Adullam, for whom I travailed, has not yet compensated me. In any case, I cannot be seen to provide for the treasury of Asherah as I follow the unseen God of my fathers." My lust did cause me to abandon all wisdom and I said, "Then, compensate me alone and not my gods. I will take only the five shekels of silver that represent my portion and a kid goat from your herds. Furthermore, if you have no money, give me some security until you do have the required amount. I must fulfill the will of the gods. What have you?" Yehuda held out his staff. "It is not enough. What else have you that may be of worth?" Yehuda did reach in his pouch and held out a gold seal. "This is all I have. This seal is the only means by which I can transact commerce with townspeople and its metal alone is worth more than ten shekels of silver. Take both staff and seal as a pledge. I implore you to give me what I ask as I must have a woman once more."

I hesitated but a moment and he reached under his robe and extracted a gold bracelet from his arm. "I now throw this bracelet into the bargain as a pledge. I swear that I will provide our agreement when my kinsman reimburses me for the wool of my herd. Only give me what I desire most from you and give it to me now." 

When a man bargains so ineptly with a woman, he is completely in her power. I nodded in agreement, motioning for silence for his entourage had closed the distance. Yehuda's guilt was palpable on his face as he turned to his assembled servants. "Go forth for I have scouted the land and the way is safe until you reach the next well. I will meet you presently at the well of the Hittites." The servants hid their smirks as they proceeded onwards. The dust of men, women and donkeys settled as the group disappeared in the distance. When Yehuda's company was safely out of sight and hearing, I placed his staff against the tree and hid his seal and bracelet within the folds of my bosom.

Upon this sign of my agreement to price, he turned me around so quickly that I almost let the veil drop from my face. Yehuda with one hand forced me to bow and, with the other hand grabbed the hem of my robe, tossing it over my back. Before I could protest such rough treatment, Yehuda struck my buttocks with a large, hard object. I looked upon the ground to see if he had retrieved his staff to beat me in the disgusting manner of old men filled with perverted desires but his staff remained where I had left it. Yehuda had struck both my cheeks with his half-cubit member. I feared that he would force himself upon me in the manner of his sons, mistaking me for one of the male temple prostitutes. I was not to be so disappointingly ravished.  

Yehuda placed his circumcised manhood upon the place where it would yield the most pleasure to me. He pushed against me and again I felt torn apart as his huge manhood parted my nakedness and began to enter my body. He pushed again but he could enter no further, despite the aid of the waters of my lust. "Thou art tiny and tight, unlike the other women of this land. I can recall only one woman who is like unto thee." Whereupon he placed his hands on my hips and pulled me towards himself. I yielded to his thrust and he came unto me, but not completely. I felt as if he had penetrated me unto the depths of my bowels but I could still see much of his member outside me. Unlike the first time that Yehuda entered me, I felt no pain this time, only the pleasurable feeling of being conjoined with a vigorous male.

Yehuda then began to withdraw his manhood from within the depths of my body. Would Yehuda expel his seed upon my back as had his offspring? My fear that this was but a fleeting moment of pleasure was quite premature. With a tug upon my hips, Yehuda reentered me again, withdrew once more and then came into me deeper than before. The man was wise concerning the body of a woman as he teased and pleasured my inner being again and again by withdrawing and thrusting again into me. I tried not to betray my own lack of experience as I praised each of the thrusts with encouraging words such as "Give it to me and rend me asunder oh thou mighty one." Each thrust provided more pleasure than the last until my inner being erupted in such spasms of gratification that I am to this very day unable to find proper words to describe the feeling. Still conjoined and thrusting within me as one of his goats mounting a she-goat, I heard Yehuda's voice screaming as if it were at a distance say "Thou art great, baby."

I fell forward on my face. Yehuda's member exited from my body with a loud sucking sound. I lay contentedly on the ground but I kept sufficient presence of mind to conceal my face. Yehuda assured himself that he had caused no great injury me and then summarily left to rejoin his company. I watched his form grow smaller and smaller in the distance but he never once looked back at me. I waited until evening so that the townspeople would not see me dressed as my maidservant and question my disguise. At home, I washed myself and returned to wearing widow's garments.

The two scholars sat in silence, mulling over what they had both read. Francis Lajeunesse felt the waters of lust flowing in her loins, to use Tamar's turn of phrase. Her leg pressed against Dr. Altman's leg in return and she knew, no, she anticipated what lay on the other side of his thigh. Francis was ready. She knew how to push Avi's button from their first encounter; appeal to his academic conceits.

"This is a very dramatic encounter and it does parallel the Biblical text. On the other hand, it adds so many extra-Biblical details that I'm wondering how to authenticate my translation. We must anticipate the objections we're sure to receive when we publish."

As if on cue, Dr. Altman stood up and assumed his classroom pose in front of the whiteboard that occupied the entire wall of Francis' tiny office. "Dr. Lajeunesse, you sound exactly like one of the early leaders of your religion, Thomas. In fact, you have two points of authenticity in this passage. The first point is that springtime was the time when sheep were sheared of their wool. Torah makes a point that Yehuda was helping his brother at the time of shearing the sheep. 




The Tamar Scroll



Springtime was also when the Canaanite fertility rites were performed. The pagan spring myths in agricultural societies involved the male deity coupling with the female deity, symbolically planting the seed in heaven at the same time the farmers planted seed in the mother earth. The Canaanite religion took this myth one step further and required the farmers to enact on earth the same sexual act with the temple prostitutes as Ba'al performed on Asherah. This is the reason why Ha-Shem gave such stern warnings against the Canaanite religion to B'nei Israel through the Prophet Moshe.

In the spring, it was de rigueur for a Canaanite male to visit the temple of Asherah to perform the ritual sex act. Of course, the influx of rural males would exhaust the regular prostitutes on the temple's staff and the priests would recruit from the town's housewives and soft males for the men who were so inclined. In fact, the fertility rites became so popular that the pagan priesthood began to charge for the services of the temple prostitutes. Thus, the vocation of pimp is almost as old as that of the prostitute."

Francis liked the direction that Dr. Altman was taking his lecture. In her excitement, she interrupted. "Your second point that bolsters the truth of the narrative is the doggie position in which Yehuda takes Tamar, isn't it? Tamar describes her encounter as in the manner Canaanites practiced sex during the Patriarchal Period, doesn't she? Has any research been done on the role of the doggie position in the Canaanite religion?"

"We really have very few writings from that period so we haven't discovered a Canaanite sex manual like the Kama Sutra. However, the Patriarchal Period predates the Sanskrit writings by at least a thousand years. It's highly unlikely that sexual techniques in Canaan had evolved the variety of positions described by the sages of India. More likely, sex was confined to a few convenient positions, such as the doggie and, of course the missionary position, as Yehuda and Tamar used on their first encounter.

There is relatively good evidence that the doggie was the normative sexual position during those times. The Israel museum exhibits a Canaanite bas-relief that shows a man about to have sex with a woman by means of the doggie. There is some controversy as to whether this bas-relief is a depiction of the pagan god Ba'al copulating with Asherah to ensure a bountiful crop season or whether it depicts a Canaanite king about to shtumpf one of his concubines."

"Yes, I've seen that bas-relief and it's my very favourite Canaanite artifact. I always considered that the man's winkie was exaggerated for the purposes of art, at least until you proved to me so conclusively that a winkie of that size was quite normal for the times. However, is it possible for a winkie of such huge dimensions to fit into a woman of normal dimensions using the doggie? I've always found that the doggie makes me so tight that every man feels like a giant."

"Well, Dr. Lajeunesse, the real question you should be asking is whether it's possible for an old man, as Yehuda was at the time, to perform the doggie on a young woman while standing out in the open by a road. To me, what happens in the text you translated seems somewhat athletic. Older men generally require extensive foreplay prior to coitus, yet Yehuda penetrates Tamar twice very unceremoniously. I say that Yehuda's age is a bigger impediment than the dimensional quandary you raise."

"Rather than discussing these problems in theory, why don't we see for ourselves if the fit, position and age in this combination are credible, Dr. Altman. You're a widower of the same age as Yehuda, you haven't had sex in two years and I know that you're just as big or bigger than Yehuda was. I assume that I'm a woman with normal dimensions about the same age as Tamar was at the time this happened. I don't think that it's necessary to conduct this line of research in an open field. Every aspect of Yehuda and Tamar's encounter can be verified under strict laboratory conditions within this office."

Francis went and locked the office door. For the first time since she joined the Dead Sea Scrolls Project, she was thankful that her office lacked windows. Kneeling in front of Avi, she removed the marker pen from Avi's hand with one hand and deftly unzipped Avi's pants with the other hand. White underwear covered a large object that poked out of the opening. Placing the marker pen on her desk, Francis carefully pulled the elastic band over the rapidly growing penis. Avi was almost erect but Francis let her tongue slide gently along the shaft. It was unnecessary to go down on Avi to make him fully erect. Francis had to enjoy the size and heft of all 27 cm. of zain.

"Dr. Altman, I regret for the accuracy of the experiment that you have to use this. Yehuda didn't wear one but, unfortunately, you haven't been tested yet." Francis reached for her purse and took out the condom that had lain there unused since she came to Israel. She excitedly tore the package open, spilling some lubricant on the polished cement tiles. Slowly, Francis unrolled the condom along the length of Avi's penis. She knew that the rubber would be stretched tightly around Avi's thick shaft. She didn't expect that, with the condom unrolled completely, several cm. of penis would still be exposed to the atmosphere.

Francis stood up, turned her back on her boss and bent over. "I'm ready now." Avi pulled the long dress up in stages exposing her pussy in the gap between her thin thighs. Francis braced her left hand on one leg and parted her pussy lips with the other. "Dr. Altman, take me in the manner of Yehuda, not in the manner of his ill-fated sons."

Avi complied, drumming Francis' bum cheeks with his penis. Then he ran the tip of his penis along her parted slit. That used to drive Hannah crazy. Francis shivered in delight, not because she was semi naked in an air-conditioned office but because Avi's tip grazed her clitoris. Despite the pleasure she was receiving, Francis remembered that this wasn't part of the Tamar narrative. For a moment, she became a scientific researcher.

"Dr. Altman, you're not following the text when you do that. It isn't written that Yehuda ran his member up and down Tamar's slit. We've got to do this exactly the way it's described if the experiment is to be successful. Let me hold your zain. OK, I've got it at the opening of my vagina. Now concentrate on the scroll and push, Dr. Altman so it can go in."

"Dr. Lajeunesse, can you give me your hands so I've got some leverage." 

"That's it, Dr. Altman. Pull on my arms and push your hips forward. Oh, oh, I can feel myself opening up to you. Oh Dr. Altman, you're so huge. You're spreading me so far apart it hurts. Don't go in so fast please, Dr. Altman. Let me feel you at the opening of my vagina. Yes, you're in now. Don't go any further. Let me get used to your size. Ooooooooooh that's so good, Dr. Altman. You seem as if you're in as deep as, well somebody else, but I can see 20 cm of zain still outside."

"Wonderful, take as much of me as you want, Dr. Lajeunesse. I'll go deeper but keep talking. Tell me everything so I can give you the maximum amount of pleasure."

Avi liked the way Francis him exactly what she wanted and how. The sound of her pleasure gave him as much pleasure in return. He enjoyed giving her a good time but he wondered if his zain felt as wonderful to her as her tightness felt to him. Another firm push, and more of his zain squeezed inside her, resulting in a louder moan, and an even better sensation of tightening around the head of his zain. It was far enough inside her pussy, and was held tightly enough that he no longer needed to hold onto Francis' soft hands, so he placed both hands on her hips. Avi pulled against her and drove his zain further inside with a few little strokes.

 Francis no longer needed to hold her pussy lips open, so she put her hands on her legs. The next time she felt his big, hard zain surging into her, she pushed herself back to meet it. "Oh yes, yesss, I can feel it opening me up, slowly filling me, touching all the nerves in my vagina. Yesss, oh God it feels so good and I'm getting wetter by the minute, I want to go back to the beginning and let it part my opening again. Oh yesss, it's so good. You're sliding inside me again. I need more now, let me have more, mmmmmm ooooooh God this won't take long for me Dr. Altman. I can feel a huge wave of an orgasm building up."

Francis had such a sense of fullness that she was sure that the entire shaft had entered her body. She looked between her legs but several cm. of condom and even more bare zain remained outside. Wave after wave of exquisite pleasure crashed through her body from where she was being crammed so full. On the next stroke, she thrust back again, and their bodies came wetly together.

 Over and over, the two renowned scholars fucked together, using long, slow strokes, being careful not to go in any further than the condom allowed. Francis met every thrust halfway and, as her pleasure mounted, her moaning continued, becoming even louder. She loved the way Avi recreated the Canaanite doggie with her. Most of all, she loved the way it felt when he plunged his thick zain into her. He did it again and again while her body squirmed under him, driving it in deeper every time, and flooding her body with ever stronger waves of pleasure. Her body writhed in front of her boss and her hips swung from side to side with every stroke. Avi knew, even though they were taking their time to make it last, that she was rapidly getting close to orgasm. The condom made his zain less sensitive so he would not climax when she did.

 Francis' movements became even wilder, pitching and tossing under Avi. His arms kept a loose grip on her hips, letting her move around and completely enjoy what was happening, but keeping her from falling on the hard concrete floor in her exuberance. She continued moving back and forth to meet his thrusting zain. Her hips swiveled and her whole body thrashed around, but Avi kept his loose grip on her hips and held her in place. "Oh! Yessssssss!" she screamed, as she orgasmed.

 After her orgasm, Avi carefully removed his zain from her pussy. She could feel the bloated pocket of two years' worth of semen as the end of the condom exited her vagina. Francis collapsed forward sprawling onto the floor, as Avi let her hands go. She felt so spent that she lay motionless on the cool cement tiles. She watched as Avi Altman, seemingly in a fog, arranged some papers and started to leave the office.

"Just a second, Dr. Altman. Don't walk across the campus like that if you wish to preserve your dignity. I believe that you should remove the condom first and zip up your trousers."

 Francis sat at her desk for an hour, letting the pleasure of good sex slowly diminish. She didn't even mind the throbbing pain between her legs. She might have stayed there into the early evening if she hadn't been interrupted by a knock on the door. Was it Avi returning to reassure her that he still respected her? To her disappointment, it was just Miss Dror handing out the agenda for the next staff meeting. After Miss Dror closed her office door, Francis Lajeunesse sobbed because Avi hadn't called to say how much he enjoyed the experiment and that he still respected her research abilities. Francis would not have wept so bitterly, if she had only known that the reason Avi Altman didn't call was because he was busy arranging with his doctor to be discreetly tested for sexually-transmitted diseases.

Revenge, Repentance and Relationships

20 And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman's hand: but he found her not. 21 Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place. 22 And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place. 23 And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her." 24 And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt. 25 When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff. 26 And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more. (Genesis 38: 20-26)

Francis Lajeunesse arrived at the entrance of Avi's British Mandate-era apartment building. Two dowdy old women came out the door and looked over the young woman dressed by contrast in the latest Tel Aviv fashions. Francis asked if they knew in which apartment the eminent Dr. Altman lived. They provided a curt answer and turned away contemptuously, engaging in a Yiddish conversation as if Francis didn't exist. As the two women walked away, Francis made out words like shikse (non-Jewish woman), kurveh (hooker) and shmeizen zaken (dirty old man) until their conversation faded in the distance. Only a woman would have known that the two older women were jealous that a younger woman was stealing their prey.

The encounter with the two old women made Francis hesitate. What if the old women were right? Could Avi Altman be nothing more than a dirty old man with a Ph.D.? Was she doing the right thing, becoming involved with an older man? Would an office romance ruin both their reputations? After all, he had avoided her completely for the last three weeks except for the staff meeting. He hadn't even invited her to dinner in person. He had just mumbled something on the telephone about "the tests came back negative" and "I'll make something nice for supper." On the other hand, Avi's remarkable asset counted for a lot. The portion of the scroll she had in her briefcase would force the issue. Without any more doubts, Francis pushed open the door and made her way to Avi's apartment.

As Avi Altman cleared away the supper dishes, he gave way to all his doubts concerning the events of the last week. Was he an old fool to think that a young woman like Francis Lajeunesse could ever be in love with him? He had gone to take the tests that Francis requested and they came back negative. Could it be otherwise since he had known no other woman than his Hannah, she of blessed memory? Francis Lajeunesse had readily accepted his invitation to an Israeli dinner and now he had his regrets. Avi prayed that she wouldn't recognize that most of the meal came from the cooler at the local Supersol. Was she saving this moment for his ultimate humiliation in life, the unmasking of the dirty old man that he feared lurked within himself?

Francis Lajeunesse sat down on the living room sofa, positioning herself so that Avi couldn't avoid seeing her upon entering the parlour. She pulled her skirt slightly higher so that her thigh showed enough to get a man's attention. She put her brief case aside and put her notes on her lap so that her legs were clearly visible. 

"I've translated another chapter of the scroll and it's quite upset me. It's probably because Tamar and Yehuda's relationship parallels problems in our own relationship. I want to discuss this passage of the scroll when I'm finished reading. 

Avi thought, "Oy, a woman who wants to discuss relationships." Being a wise man, he stifled his thoughts. Instead, he said, "Why don't you read this chapter to me and then we'll talk about it?"

Having fulfilled my obligations to Ba'al Hadad and satiated my lust, I returned to my home. My lonely life as a woman twice widowed resumed, or so I thought. My time of the month for the way of women passed but I went not unto the red tent of isolation. This happened once more the next month. I began to request strange and exotic foods for my servants to prepare. My servants noticed my behavior and began to murmur among themselves and speculate about whether I was with child. They knew not that I had been with a man for they were not present at either encounter. However, they remained loyal to me and did not discuss the matters of my house with anyone in the marketplace or the gates of the village.

Upon his return to his encampment outside Timnath, Yehuda found that he could not obtain credit from the merchants of the town without his signet making a seal upon a contract. Yehuda took aside his most trusted slave and said: "My kinsman by marriage, Hirah, hath my share of the proceeds of the wool that we produced at the time of shearing. Obtain the proceeds and then purchase a goat from Hirah. Give him not what he first asks but bargain well for the animal. I charge you not to pay even market price. If Hirah will not sell a goat for less than a fair price then purchase an inferior goat for what it is worth. Take the goat and 5 shekels of the proceeds, no more and proceed to the ancient pillar on the Timnath road. From the harlot of Adullam who conducts business by the pillar you shall redeem my seal, bracelet and staff from her in exchange for the goat and the five shekels. My kinsman is a Canaanite who is knowledgeable concerning the location and the preferences of every harlot in the vicinity of Adullam and can advise you on this matter. Upon completion of the transaction, you shall return forthwith carrying my redeemed property and the remaining proceeds from Hirah."

The servant of Yehuda obtained from Hirah his master's money and a scrawny, sickly kid goat but found not a single harlot on the Timanth road. Upon his failure to locate any prostitute by the ancient pillar upon the Timnath road, he sought out Hirah's advice. Hirah replied: "There hasn't been any prostitute on that road for lo these many years. Don't you know that there's a distinct lack of business in such a place? I believe that your master, Yehuda, has been mounting the sheep in his desperation. And, no, I will not take back the goat. Be gone to the tents of your master and take that goat with you."

The servant related all this to Yehuda and offered the sorrowful goat as proof of his failure to redeem the pledge. He awaited his punishment for not fulfilling his mission. Instead, Yehuda replied: "You have done your best for me and you have brought back in full the proceeds of the wool from my kinsman. The goat we will sacrifice this evening and I will purchase a new seal and bracelet with this money. The slave turned to leave, whereupon Yehuda again spoke. His face had hardened and his smile had disappeared. "You will not speak of the details of this trip to anyone. Should I discover that one word about the loss of my pledge has escaped your lips, you will join this goat in the evening sacrifice."

By the third month, my belly began to increase in size. I could no longer conceal my state from the external world. In truth, I was with child. My secret was no more to my servants who, in turn, imparted my secret to the townsfolk of Adullam. The whispers of the townsfolk alighted upon my kinsman Hirah and from thence it reached the ears of Yehuda. 

Yehuda summoned me from Adullam to his encampment upon the Nachal Shoreq. The journey was most uncomfortable as I was great with child. The donkey created dust which choked my nostrils. The scent of acacia offended my nostrils as much as my escorts' leben contained in the skins flopping upon their beasts of burden. I wished nothing more than to toss my cookies upon the fields of every poor farm we passed upon the way to the high pasture.