12 comments/ 37521 views/ 45 favorites The Sara Chronicles By: Jimnewsphotos THE LAST THING I NEED IS ANOTHER INTERN "You've gotta be kidding me. No! I put up with that for four months last year." My voice was somewhat stern, almost belligerent as the words spilled out of my mouth. Without even realizing it, I had slammed my hand down on the top of the desk. It's not the way most people would talk to their direct report on the job site. But Dan and I go back over 20 years. Dan sat back in his black leather desk chair and shot me the same calm expression he always uses. It was the same, calm, expression that was on his face the day he interviewed me for a position as an accountant with his new business venture. I had worked for several years as financial administrator at a small college in the Pittsburgh area when Dan met me at an alumni event he was attending. Now over twenty years later, his little business venture has been bought out by an internationally known accounting and consulting firm that has benefited us both. "Jim, bring it down a notch. You just need to relax. This intern will be different. She's intelligent, engaging, and every reference we've talked to tells us she can handle the workload. You know we're pretty swamped right now with Mack moving on to the San Francisco office." As always, Dan's voice was calm and steady. If either of us was to ever lose control in an argument, it would be me. Dan on the other hand was soft spoke, confident and unfortunately he was usually right. Of course he was right. We were short handed and found ourselves missing deadlines or working long nights. For those of us under salary contract, those nights were cutting into our personal time. Yet his calming voice didn't ease my mind much. The last intern assigned to my team had caused us more frustration than he was worth. Our division of the corporation targeted a niche market for consulting that includes compliance auditing of healthcare and non-profit agencies receiving major grants, such as small colleges, nursing homes, and rural clinics. Since we often need to be on site to review facilities we wind up driving or sometimes even flying to a city, working several days and then returning home to finish the paperwork. Needless to say, when you're spending several days at a time - all but living with a small group of people - you hope those people get along. Our team was usually three to five people. So getting along during the constant travel was highly important to me as the team leader. The fear of having a "team member" who wasn't a "team player" was stuck in my brain at this point. Even Dan admitted that the most recent experience was less than positive. Our last intern spent his evenings at the company provided hotel rooms, drinking and partying like he was still living in a frat house. Then he'd show up the next morning hung over and unable to get his work done. He was immature and really not ready to venture out into the world as an adult. I left Dan's office and headed down the hall toward mine, still fuming at the thought that I'd have to break in yet another rookie. The resume he had handed me was tossed on the pile of reports and reams of budget statements, giving me the sense of - yet one more thing to deal with. Of course the good news is that interns get stuck with the grunt work of bean counting and inventory. Some accounting dweebs seem to thrive on it, but after nearly thirty years of work as an accountant I found my self more and more bored with my life. So letting an intern get stuck with the routine stuff probably wasn't as bad an ideal as I was making it out to be. I just didn't want Dan to forget about how bad our last one turned out. It was 4:30 pm when a petite, young, brunette, waitress, with a gorgeous ass seated Dan and I at our favorite Italian place just a few blocks from our Pittsburgh office. I noticed the young waitress because I've always had a thing for brunettes, and she was certainly a fine example! She was wearing a pair of those tight, clingy, black leggings that showed off her youthful legs. "God, would you look at that!" I muttered under my breath. "Focus on why we're here." Dan whispered with a half smile on his face. The new intern was meeting us at the restaurant for introductions and an early dinner. Just a simple meet and greet so we could hit the ground running. We'd begin training the the rookie the next morning. Which meant un-training the rookie of all the stuff today's colleges are feeding these kids. This intern should be easier. She was a good bit older than our typical interns, had graduated near the top of her class in an undergraduate program, and was now just a month away from completing her MBA. We were gratuitously exaggerating a story about our recent golf excursion when I saw Dan's head raise and look to the front door. It was the kind of spring that couldn't make up it's mind. One day cold and drizzly and the next warm and sunny. Today, it was brisk and the cluster of people entering the restaurant were wearing a mix of jackets and full coats. As a group of four senior adults were led away to their table, what remained near the entry area was a young woman taking off her coat and scanning the room. You've seen girls like this. She's the typical girl next door that when you look at her in just the right light, she's pleasingly attractive. But at the same time, there was an awkwardness to her that made you think she was an extra from a comic book store scene in an episode of the Big Bang Theory. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't unattractive. Just not the "hot intern" that I guess I secretly had hoped she would be. At least that would have made the necessity of having an intern more pleasurable. Her hair was slightly disheveled from traveling all day. Her wardrobe choice seemed an interesting cluster of mismatched apparel. A very attractive sweater showed her charming female form but her skirt seemed to emphasis her wooden stance. And her glasses! What reeks 'accountant' any louder than back rimmed, large lensed, glasses? They all but intentionally covered up her big brown, puppy-dog, eyes. As she scanned the room looking for Dan's face, she gently tugged at her sweater, swiping away any lint and arranging her self for meeting her potential employer. Her gaze caught sight of Dan and her quizzical expression turned to familiar. In that moment, suddenly the awkward grad student emerged as an attractive young woman. Her facial features still partially hidden behind the nerdy girl glasses, were mildly attractive. I remember thinking for a moment that she was fairly cute. But the moment passed! She tried to walk across the room, probably wearing heals for the first time since her high school prom; if she actually went to the prom. There was an air of apparent uncomfortableness in her stride. Both Dan and I got up and stood next the booth where we had been seated earlier. Call it an ingrained response for someone of our generation; but standing as a woman joins your party, holding a door open for a lady, and all the other 'old school' attitudes had been drilled into our heads by the finest Catholic nuns at Pittsburgh's finest private schools. Dan was in his mid 50s and I was just months away from turning fifty. In many ways we're now the dinosaurs that we used to mock as young bucks with the company. God, looking at the interns and new employees at work can make a guy feel pretty old. They're just kids. So there we stood, two middle aged, married, two kids, three cars and a mortgage type guys; watching as this wide eyed, innocent, young lady clumsily traversed the obstacles of tables, chairs, and patrons, to approach us. Dan reached out to shake her hand and invite her to join us. She confidently took his hand and with textbook Dale Carnegie business school confidence, she greeted us. "How was your trip in from Virginia?" Dan asked. "Okay I guess. But I hit some fog this morning coming over out of Maryland on I-68. It slowed my progress a bit, but I made it okay." She replied. She had a calming voice. It was confident, mellow, with just a mild hint of southern virginia accent. "Well, let's hope your stay in Pittsburgh for the next few months brings a bit better weather. It's actually supposed to clear up through the rest of the week with some sunshine." Dan bantered back. "I certainly hope so. I could use a bit of sun." She replied. Subconsciously I was agreeing with her. She was fairly light skinned and looked like some sunshine would improve her condition. But then again everyone looks a bit pale in the early springtime. As she and Dan continued with questions about her hotel accommodations, I found myself trying to gauge if this was going to be a problem intern such as our last fiasco or if we were going to get along. That's when Dan turned to me. "Jim, let me introduce you to Sara Wilson, your intern for the next few months." NOTHING MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN A CONFIDENT WOMAN The hot water flooded over my body as the shower stall began to fill with steam. My morning routine was off and running. Coffee was made, morning news was echoing into the master bathroom from the bedroom, and now I found myself basking in the warmth of the water. This was always a great time to think through the tasks I had to accomplish during the day. Today's sole task was breaking in an intern. I mentally took notes of all the things I'd have to work through with her before even beginning to "train" her for the job. While I knew HR would send a check list training outline, I just wanted to think though the more practical side of things. We'd begin with general office practices, facilities, standard forms, and time sheets. Then on to more specific accounting practices of our form of consulting. The task seemed overwhelming. My hands were planted against the back wall of the shower when I felt the vibration. It was the all too familiar vibration of the garage door opening and closing. It was happening again. My wife spent her entire morning getting ready for work without saying a word to me. Now she had left for work without even saying good-bye. I guess it's par for the course. We had survived twenty seven years of marriage but the last few years brought greater emphasis on "surviving". I remember our early days together. She would have never left for work without spending a few moments with me. There was always a kiss good-bye; a flirtatious and fun kiss at that. But things had changed. Our oldest was graduating from the university in a few weeks, then heading off to grad school in California. And our youngest was graduating from High School. My brother who is a tour manager for bands out of Nashville, had landed him a job as a roadie for a minor league rock band all summer. So within days we would truly be empty nesters. While some people our age find that a freeing and renewing time in their marriages and relationships, we were finding ourselves left with feelings of emptiness. Constant travel on my part didn't help. Early on, it was almost fun. Every time I'd get home from being on the road a few days, my wife wanted us to spend a lot of time together. We'd go out to our favorite restaurants and act like kids. We'd go shopping and spend more time playing around together than actually buying anything. It was almost as if we had the chance to court one another over and over with each new week. Once we were even asked to leave a grocery store because we were acting like teenagers in love ... in the produce section. But as the years passed it became less fun. Arriving home was no big deal. Just another day. Now we hardly knew each other. I finished getting ready for work in total silence, trying to quench the frustration I felt about my life. For some reason, I thought if I could just ignore the problem, maybe the hurt would go away. The fact remained. Somehow my life was beginning to unravel and I couldn't figure out how to stop it. At this point I had even lost the will to care. I let my head drop back so that the water was striking my face directly, hoping it would wash away the despair and depression I was experiencing. I arrived at work and headed up the elevator to my small office. I never really minded having such a small office space. Being on the road several days each week, there wasn't much point in having a larger space. While our planning, scheduling, and final reports were done here, we often met at another building that provided us a large enough working space for the whole team. "Is the kid here yet? We need to get the training done before her nap time." I asked as I rounded the corner of the office suites. I expected Brenda, our team secretary, to be at her desk. But as I looked up from the handful of envelopes and letters I had been fumbling through, Sara was seated in Brenda's chair. "Yeah, the kid is here!" Sara shot back. She gave me an impish smile, knowing she had caught her new boss at a disadvantage. "Sorry, Sara. But you know how it is. You kids get younger to me every day." I tried to get myself out of it, but we both knew my first words of the day were a blunder. "Yes, she does know how it is. Probably just as well as you do." Brenda breezed by me from behind, giving me a mild slap on the back of the head as she passed. An older woman who had seen senior consultants like myself come and go ... as often as I've seen interns come and go, Brenda was a rare find. Unlike some older secretaries, she had remained current with technology and seemed to enjoy the pace of change in our office. And Brenda always kept me on my toes. Brenda handed Sara a cup of coffee and set another one on her regular coaster next to her keyboard. She picked up a pile of envelopes, littered with post-it notes and a file folder. Scanning the information she walked around the desk to stand in front of me. "You have an appointment for a conference call with Genesis group at 9:30 and a Leonard Phillips called about that photography workshop you wanted to attend this fall. You can reach him at these numbers." She pulled a post-it-note off her pad and stuck it on my chest before returning to her desk. Sara seemed to enjoy the banter we had developed over the many years we had worked together. The next few days of training clearly proved me wrong about having an intern, even if I wasn't ready to admit that to Dan. Sara was amazingly competent for her age. Of course I had to keep reminding myself that Sara was a bit older than the typical intern. She learned quickly, seemed to understand my preferences, and at times was even able to be thinking ahead in the process of our tasks. By the time we were on our second audit trip, she was already doing some work on her own without distracting me from the tasks that I normally cover. If she did ask questions, it was to understand how the tasks of each employee fit into the big picture of our final consultation report. They were intelligent questions from someone who seemed like she wanted to learn all she could from this experience. One of the benefits of my being a senior member of the division was the opportunity to choose my own team members and have first selection of projects to schedule at the beginning of each quarter. I had taken a few projects that would keep our team on the road longer but would be in more desirable cities. While Columbus Ohio isn't my thought for a vacation in late May, it sure beats being stuck in Erie, PA for a week. Now planning for our next trip away from home base, the project required just three team members. My regular "go to" second person, was already tied up in Philadelphia for a month. So I sent Dan an email to notify him of my intent to take Sara in his place. Dan was rather shocked by the note, knowing I had fought against having an intern just a few weeks earlier. Usually with a three member team, you can't afford to take an intern. If it was our normal four or five person group, an intern wouldn't set us back. But even Dan was beginning to see that Sara was the exception. The third team member was Pete who had already worked with Sara on an earlier trip. Pete is a crusty old building and property inspector who had retired from working for the city of Pittsburgh. Still in great health, he became bored with retirement so he sub-contracted himself into these excursions to prepare facility reports for our consultation team. While most people found him to be a pain in the ass, he was perfect for our needs. Pete wasn't afraid to tell you the truth even when you didn't want to hear it. More than once I had seen him go toe to toe with facility management directors of hospitals and even small colleges, not even blinking. He knew his stuff and was not at all what you'd expect from a former "city-county worker" (Pittsburgh speak for government type). The initial work in Columbus went well. We rushed through tasks like clockwork. Sara once again proved why she was at the top of her class. She was capable, competent, and more than anything else I began to realize that "the kid" was really fun to be around. Okay, I admit it. I was wrong about having an intern. She had a sharp, sarcastic wit that just fed off my sarcasm. She seemed to thrive on throwing a comeback, even more sarcastic than I could dish out. Movie quotes were thrown back and forth to describe every situation. Our running puns weren't really all that funny except for the fact that they ran for days. She had an uncanny ability to turn any situation into a jab about my age. Knowing that my hobby of choice was photography, Sara and I spent one week throwing photography puns at each other. By the third day Pete was tired of the game. "Let me pose a question....," "We'll see what develops," "Framing an issue." "Shutter the thought," ... and on and on.... We spent our days working in a cramped office space that had been left over from the full time employees of the hospital we working with this particular week. Even in the close quarters, we seemed to get along without the drama that can come from living in tight quarters. Evenings that week were free to relax and hang around doing nothing. Pete often disappeared to his hotel room and crashed. He wasn't much for chit chat and hanging out at the hotel bar. So as soon as dinner was over, he was gone. Sara tended to be a typical young adult, wanting to stay up late talking with friends online through chatrooms, watching tv, and surfing Facebook. On our last night in Columbus, I took the team to a nicer restaurant to close out the trip. It's somewhat traditional for us to scrimp and eat at cheap restaurants early in the week - saving our per diem travel budget for a great, last night on the town. Dinner conversation was enjoyable, even with Pete's grumbles from time to time. We ended dinner fairly early and planned to go back to the hospital in the morning to wrap up our data. Hopefully we could make the three hour drive back to Pittsburgh and be home by dinner time tomorrow. As we arrived back at the hotel, Pete made is traditional exit leaving Sara and I in the lobby just wandering around. For some reason, on this particular night, Sara just looked adorable. Thumbing through the visitor's guides and brochures in a rack by the front door, I realized what a great look she had today. She was wearing one of her now signature outfits; a white, men's, button down dress shirt and a black, short skirt that for some reason I had missed noticing all day. God, how could I have missed that. As she fumbled through the advertisements and brochures I found myself watching her from across the lobby. I had taken a good, long look at her before I realize I was vacantly gazing at her. The stance she had taken seemed to highlight her legs in a way I had never noticed. Damn, there's a hot lady under the starched white shirt and geeky accountant glasses. "Let's find a bar somewhere and get smashed", Sara suddenly spit out bluntly. Wow, where did that come from? Both of us knew by now that neither one of us drank a whole lot. The Sara Chronicles "Well, Okay. I guess we could go someplace for a quick nightcap." I hesitantly responded. "I'll check with the front desk and see if there's anything close by." The desk clerk had described it as a "great hometown pub". Heading in, I thought it looked more like a seedy dive. But once inside it seemed a lot better. Maybe just because it was darker. We took a corner booth, tucked away in a secluded section and for the next two hours we discovered things about each other that even our best friends didn't know. It's amazing what you say to someone when you've had a couple of drinks. "My dad was a real shit", she blurted out after her second drink. "Wow, that's a bit rough isn't it?" I asked in response. "He thinks money can buy him anything, even to the point of buying my brother and me." She was somewhat sprawled out, slouched over with her head held up only because it was resting on her hands. By this time, I already had learned that her dad was a fairly wealthy businessman from Winchester, Virginia, that had a serious drinking problem. "He was never home, didn't have much interest in us, and ... well, he was just a real shit." She continued. Although she never came right out to say it; it sure sounded to me like he may have been abusive to her mom. There was clearly no love there for her father. But she talked about her mom being a real saint. Her brother had joined the military to get away from home and she had buried herself in studying, whipping through an MBA in record time. "I guess I had it a bit better. I was a military brat who was bounced around from city to city and two other countries as a kid." I seemed to need to confess to her that my life wasn't nearly as screwed up. "Wow. What was that like? Living in so many places. Bet it was exciting." She sat back in the booth as she took another sip on her bottle of Rolling Rock. "Not really." I confessed. "It was tough not having roots. Seems like we'd get settled in and before we knew it we were moving again. Well, at least until Junior High. Dad retired from the Air Force and we moved to the Pittsburgh area." I continued. Then I told her about my wife, my kids and my daughter's new boyfriend. Suddenly I found myself lying about my marriage. I didn't mean to. But it just came out. I made it sound as if everything was fine, yet deep inside I knew my marriage was pretty screwed up. Maybe I was just projecting what I hoped my life was like instead of how it had fallen apart. The whole time I was telling her about my home life, I knew I was lying about our "perfect family." Our conversation finally led to how Dan had built a great business that was worthy of being bought out by such a well known consulting firm. We talked about the early days after the transition. By the time the night was over, we were becoming pretty close friends. Hell, I spent more time with Sara in the previous three weeks than I had spent with my wife. That's just one of the occupational hazards of this type of work. "Well, we better get back to the hotel. I wouldn't want to keep the senior adults out past their bedtime." Sara commented, once again getting in a quick jab at my age. Ouch, the slap of her sarcastic comment woke me up to the fact that I was in a bar, hanging out with a woman half my age. "Ok, but when we get to the hotel, you go in first and I'll follow in a few minutes. I wouldn't want the desk clerk to think I picked up an escort at the bar", I shot back. .... Silence. .... She hesitated. It wasn't like her to not return fire. She stared at me blankly, ...directly... with no movement. Finally after a tense moment, she looked up at me with her sad puppy brown eyes... "You don't think I look like some escort tramp do you?" Damn, I had really put my foot in my mouth this time. As I stammered for a moment trying to get out of it she began to laugh, "Gottcha sucker!" We laughed all the way back to the hotel. I even pretended to 'wait outside' for her to go in first. Then for some reason when we reached the elevator there was awkward silence. Riding the elevator to the 6th floor we parted company and called it a night. In the room alone that night, I realized that my intern was no longer an employee. She was becoming a friend. Back at the hospital the next day, stuffed once again in cramped quarters, we dug into the work. Everything was boxed and ready to go back to Pittsburgh. We had found several issues of control and cash flow that were costing the hospital dearly. Our recommendations could save hundreds of thousands each year, by reallocating resources. And we caught a minor mistake in a grant funding request that might have caused them to be rejected before the grant was considered. We were simply mopping up our data when Pete walked in and tossed a pile of forms on my makeshift desk. "Well, that big empty spot is what we thought it was. They sold off that equipment since the start of the fiscal year. So you'll need to calculate equipment depreciation prior to the sale for those final reports." "That's easy enough" I replied. "That falls under table four in the code." "It's actually table six, since the total of the equipment sold looks to be valued over a million dollars", Sara chimed in, barely looking up from the papers she was preparing for the trip back to Pittsburgh. "No, Pete, it's table four. The value doesn't matter. It's what they paid for the equipment within it's life cycle". I tried not to be annoyed by Sara's confusion. "Okay, you can just let him turn the report in with mistakes then." Sara threw back nonchalantly. There was suddenly a silence in the room that fell quickly like a thick fog. Pete hesitated and began moving back. Okay, I'm a pretty easy going guy. Most would say that I'm a mild mannered type that rarely shows much emotion. On the worksite, I'm aggressively confident and yes, sometimes I lose my cool. When an intern with a couple of weeks experience directly contradicts me, something doesn't sit well. Pete knew the shit was about to hit the fan. Within moments, Sara and I were sharply arguing the legal code. With every statement I made, she contradicted me as wrong. Finally I demanded, "It's going to be turned in using the data from table four and that's final." Sara crossed her arms and leaned back, shifting her weight onto one side and coldly stared at me. "Okay, when we get back to PENNSYLVANIA after leaving OHIO and you turn the report in, you'll find out how bull headed you are." I was about to take her head off and send her packing back home to Virginia when it dawned on me what she was saying. I was in Ohio. The tables were structured differently in Ohio due to odd state laws. I had even commented several times during the week how strange Ohio's charts were compared to other states we dealt with over the years. Damned if she wasn't right! It was right at that moment something in my gut reminded me that nothing turned me on more than a competent, confident and self assured woman. I love a woman that won't just back down or be quiet in a situation like this. It was a lesson that years later I would relearn (through good therapy and the crash of a midlife crisis) as a key to the way I relate to all women. And there was none more self confident as Sara.. OKAY, WE SLEPT TOGETHER BUT.... Very quickly we realized that our relationship was growing into a friendship of mutual respect. Sara would ask me things about life, marriage, work, investing, and gaining balance in life. She didn't seem to have other, older adults to in her life that were mentors. Maybe her home life was so screwed up that she looked to me for help. Maybe she was just being kind to the old guy to endure these long trips and make things easier. Maybe she was just sucking up to the boss. But I truly believed that something seemed to click between us. I was becoming increasingly disturbed at how easily I had misled her concerning my marriage. She would ask about marriage and our relationship and every time I would find myself presenting our marriage as if everything was fine. And every time I would become more depressed thinking about how truly screwed up my life had become. It didn't take much for me to become convinced that Sara would be on every extended trip we took. Her work was exceptional and the longer she went, the better at it she became. So Columbus turned into Richmond, and Lafayette, and Harrisburg, and Lexington and so on. Those in our group each trip, most regularly Pete, realized that we were becoming a team independent of the rest of the group. We would bicker like brother and sister before gossiping like school kids. Life on the road was actually fun for the first time in a long while. And my life on the road had lost it's fun years ago. It was a very welcomed change. It only took a couple of weeks for us to discover that Sara and I both had a love for movies. When Pete would turn in for the night, or if others with us were calling it quits, we would go out to the movies. A couple of times we just ordered pizzas and return to one of our hotel rooms to watch pay per view movies. There were times we'd luck out and there would be a hotel with "current" movies that were still in theaters. We were back in the Columbus area again working with another company. The only hotels available were Residents Inn, so having more floor space was nice, even if it wasn't as pleasant a hotel as we normally use. Pete needed to head back to Pittsburgh early due to a family emergency. We drove him to a car rental place and got him on the road. So Sara and I remained another night to finish without him. "Pizza and a movie?" Sara asked as Pete drove off. "Sure, what did you see playing?" I asked. "The in room pay-per-view has 'Inception'. I've never seen it. I haven't even had time to rent it because someone I know has been driving his employees like slaves". I had seen the movie already with my son when it came out but it was pretty good and I really don't mind seeing a movie that good, more than once. "Yeah, I'm in. I need to put a call into my daughter first. She's been raving about this new guy she's dating. As soon as I get done talking to her, I'll be up. Go ahead and order the pizza. And eat while it's hot. Kait can ramble on. It wouldn't be the first time I ate a cold meal because she was rattling off." "Suite 211 this week." Sara offered back as she headed off toward the cluster of mini-condos. About forty minutes later, I arrived at Sara's door. We used her suite because for some reason, her's had a new, full size, couch and coffee table and mine only had a love seat and easy chair. I knocked on the door and as it opened, there she stood with a piece of pizza in her mouth and her hair pulled back into a pony tail. Almost like a girl going to a slumber party, she was wearing those cute little pajama pants and a tee shirt with her college logo on it. "About time" she mumbled, pizza still wedged in her mouth. The coffee table had the pizza box laying open and some cokes from the vending machine waiting for me. Within minutes, she was playing with the remote, searching through the menus of movie options to find Inception. And with a click she began the process of ordering the movie. I scrambled into the bathroom to relieve myself before the flick could get started. "Better go now ... you know at your age you just can't hold it as long as you used to" she jibed as I went. When did this happen? When did we become close enough that we could even make bathroom jokes about each other? "You better have put that seat up before going! If I sit down on a wet seat, you'll pay for it!" She continued to shout even as I was standing in front of the commode, trying to urinate. God, talk about pressure. I'm not used to trying to take a leak while a girl half my age is yelling at me from the next room. But it seemed oddly comfortable that we would banter at each other like old friends. I finished and was washing my hands as she shouted... "It's starting." As the movie progressed, I ditched the shoes and the tie that I was for some strange reason still wearing. Then I moved the pizza box and empty cola cans from the coffee table. Sitting back in the stiff, hotel style couch for the next scene, I put my feet up across the coffee table and settled back. Sara had curled up to my right on the couch, tucking her feet up under her. An old jeans shirt became a makeshift blanket and she had grabbed a pillow from the bed. She embraced the pillow in her lap, resting her head on the top as she settled in for the next few scenes. I put my right arm up along the back of the couch. It was a large enough couch that it didn't seem to encroach on Sara's side. So there we sat. Sharing our love for great movies with a friend. The silence broken occasionally by short comments about the plot and action taking place. I don't know if it was the long days and travel or if it was just that I had seen the movie and wasn't as engaged in it. But somewhere along the way, I fell asleep. I woke up and the room was dark except for the glow of the tv that was now playing Leno. In my fog I tried to remember where I was - a problem I often have due to sleeping in random hotels across several states. But this was different. I was still sitting in on the couch, leaning back with my feet up on the coffee table. Yes, that part was right but I could feel warmth to my right side and my right arm was numb. I tried to tilt my head only to find I couldn't move freely. Sara was now curled up next to me. Her back was leaning against the right side of my chest and my arm that had been resting on the back of the couch was tightly pulled down around her torso, her head laying against my shoulder. She had thrown the jeans shirt over her, my arm and all. Almost out of natural response, my right hand was lightly gripping her hip. In the darkness, I was caught somewhat by surprise. The warm rhythm of her breath was intoxicating and so utterly relaxing. At first I was startled by the situation. Yet as my fog cleared, I thought to myself, "It's not much different than when my daughter would cuddle up next to me for a movie." This was simply platonic. Kid's Sara's age are a lot more free about the touchie feelie thing. Maybe I'm just over reacting. What wasn't an overreaction was the fact that with each breath, Sara's body pressed against my arm. It began to sink into my brain that the warmth against my nearly numb arm was the warmth of her breasts pressed closely along its length. My hand was feeling the soft and comforting flesh just above her hip bone. Her hands were gripping my arm; with her right hand up close to my shoulder, making it a pillow for her face. Okay, maybe I should react at least a little. From this angle, with her facing away from me, I couldn't tell if she was awake. So I just sat there. Okay, yeah, it's kinda strange. But what harm could there be in this. It's not like anything is going on that was immoral. God, its not like either of us are such perfect angels anyway. So I let my head rest back on the couch and just enjoyed the relaxing pleasure of her warmth. My settling back seemed to relax her even more. The near silent breaths were interrupted by an occasional, slight shifting of her position. The back of her head was inches from my face. I could smell the sweet scent of the now familiar perfume Sara wore every day. I smiled to myself as I thought how comforting it was to have that familiar scent greet me. It lingered in my car when we traveled together and it seemed to permeate my senses at times. There had never been any sexual innuendo or even suggestion that our relationship was anything but a friendship. God, she's half my age. I probably couldn't keep up with her if I wanted to. So why the hell am I now having inappropriate thoughts about this co-worker? If we had never touched like this, would the thought have ever crossed my mind? As Leno ended I could feel my arm begin to sweat. The warmth of our bodies contributed to most of it, but the plastic coated logo on her tee shirt kinda added to the problem. I didn't want to wake her, but I really thought it best to consider ending this. So I shifted slightly in an attempt to see if my arm could be retrieved from this unique situation without rousing her. My movement unfortunately disrupted her sleep. She rose slightly, still gripping my arm. I could feel her torso stretch. It was the kind of stretch one takes before settling in for a long sleep. As she arched her back and relaxed it again, I could feel her breasts press even more seductively against my arm. I hadn't even thought about her breasts much. Most of the time she kept them well hidden under her frumpy men's shirts and baggy blouses. But suddenly I was painfully aware of their presence. I didn't want to speak but knew I had to. Sara sat up slightly. She used her left hand to arrange her matted down hair and she embarrassingly wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth that had left a small wet mark on the sleeve of my dress shirt. "I really ought to go", I mumbled softly, not wanting to disrupt her groggy state. "You don't need to", she whispered. And with that she rotated her hips and body, pointing her knees further toward the back of the couch. Now all but facing me as I lay back in the corner of the couch; she embraced me. Tucking her arm around my waist on either side and stretching her legs out casually across the open side of the couch, she snuggled in around me. Her head lay gently on my chest, using the soft pallet just below my collar bone as her new pillow. Her torso graced my torso and I could feel the warmth of her breasts against me. Now with nowhere to go... my arms did what came naturally and reached around her. My left arm surrounded her, draping down along her back, creating an even deeper cradle for her head. My right arm fell over her hips as her legs lay stretched out. I gently pulled the jeans shirt up over her shoulders. And within moments, she was fast asleep. There we spent the night. One of the most unusual sexual experiences of my life. This wonderful, witty, and innocent young woman was cradled in my arms and draped across my body. There we slept for hours. Far to short a time that had to come to an end. On that night we slept together. ... But we didn't "sleep together". TOO TENSE TO THINK STRAIGHT The ride home from Columbus was awkward in many ways. Pete wasn't with us to gripe about my driving. And since Pete wasn't there, Sara took the front seat next to me instead of her typical 'passenger side rear seat'. We didn't speak a word about the unique sleeping arrangements from the night before. It's not like it wasn't on our minds. It's just that I don't think either of us really knew what to make of it. Frankly I didn't want anything to happen that would screw things up because Sara was quickly becoming my best friend at work. To be utterly honest, I needed a friend like her. She rearranged herself in the seat, putting her feet up on the edge of the seat and wrapping her arms around her knees. She placed her head on her knees so she could stair at me. She began to look at me as if to ask "so when are we gonna talk about this?" Yeah, like I said. I'm no angel. There have been a couple of stupid moments of lost sanity where I let myself get swept away by the moment. There was that woman who worked for our company when I first started that made it her goal to "taste test" all the new male employees. She was at least 20 years my senior at the time but it still ranks as one of the best blow jobs I've ever had. Then there was that old friend I ran into on an audit trip. What a surprise that was when I arrived at a large nursing home to do a pretty routine audit only to find that the director of the facility was someone I had dated in my junior year of undergrad. Dinner the third night of that audit turned into breakfast the next morning. The Sara Chronicles I don't mean to be misogynistic about it but none of my one night flings really meant anything to me. That's not being misogynistic... it's realistic. The same was true for them. I didn't mean anything to any of them either. It was just physical without any emotional baggage or attachments. Not that there were all that many "one nighters" in my many years as a "faithful" husband anyway. Of course at my age now that's really not much of a problem to worry about anymore. I finally had the courage to speak. The silence was starting to get to me. "Look, Sara. I understand that last night wasn't anything we should worry about. I know it was just a couple of friends watching a movie. So this really doesn't have to be awkward. I get it. I'm just the guy who just happened to be around and we were both tired." "You say that as if you have something to be ashamed of." She replied. Almost with sadness in her voice. "No, I didn't mean it like that, if that's what you heard." I tried to be reassuring. "So you enjoyed last night." She gave me that same, impish grin that implied she had me. "Well, yeah. But no. It's not like that." I stammered in confusion at how she was turning this around. "Well either you did enjoy it or you didn't enjoy it. Which is it?" Her grin was quickly turning into a smile. "I just don't want you to think that it was anything more than it was. So let's just stop the whole silent treatment here and just get back to normal. God, I'm probably older than your father." "Don't you dare bring that bastard up!!!" She snapped suddenly. Her grin disappeared quickly as she gently lifted her head and turned the other way, looking out the window. "Hey, I didn't mean anything by it." I tried to comfort. "You're nothing like him, and that's the problem." She said before hesitating, "...At least the way he is now." She paused. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you" This time she wasn't playing. She had fooled me before with playing the 'emotional girl' trick, only to break into laughing at me for falling for it. But this was different. It struck a raw nerve. "Look, Sara, leaving him out of this is fine. I just don't want last night to damage 'this'." I was clearly giving her indication that I thought of our relationship as a friendship. "'This', is still fine. Actually, it's pretty good." She turned to face me again and the smile was returning to her face slowly. Somehow we worked through our awkwardness and agreed that it was ok to have a friendship between a 26 year old woman and a 49 year old man. Only as I write that do I realize just how creepy that sounds. But it wasn't like that at all. It was ok to fall asleep next to a friend without it being weird. By the time we arrived back in Pittsburgh, we were once again laughing and joking with each other, no longer preoccupied with the strangeness of what had taken place the night before. I dropped her off at her apartment and drove back to the office to dump off the laptops, reams of documents, and supplies from the trip. Dan was in his office, on the phone as I was slipping past toward my office. He motioned to me as I walked by and quickly ended the conversation. "Hey, what was that all about?" I asked, having caught the tail end of the conversation. "Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news on a Friday night as you're just getting back into town, but our timeline for next week is screwed. You and your team will be headed to Virginia next week." Dan's expression revealed that he was being serious. This wasn't one of his practical jokes. "What? That's not the assignment we prepared for. We were suposta be using Monday to catch up." I argued. "It's not an option. The higher learning commission of Virginia changed their date for the accreditation review down there. If we don't move them to the front of the pack, we won't have time to get our report to them soon enough to do anything about it before their review hits." He explained. Of all the damn luck. We were on the road all week last week and thought we had a short week coming only to be thrust into another long consult in Virginia. "I'll break the bad news, but you've got to give us more hands." "Take whomever you want" Dan flipped back. So Monday morning came and here we go again. I had to get up in the middle of the night to drive into Pittsburgh. By choice I live a good bit away from the city. The other office building we use is in Cannonsburg, much closer to my home. Crunching numbers and banging out the reports usually takes place there. It's also a usual gathering point for heading out. But this time, I decided to drive up and get the group before heading to Virginia. At about 5 am, I pulled up to Sara's apartment. Since it was the closest to my house I picked her up first. Sara threw her bags in the back of my Jeep Cherokee and I walked beside her, opening the front passenger door for her. As she got in, I noticed she hadn't completely gotten her hair dry in the back, from what I assumed was a morning shower. And the familiar perfume was slightly stronger than normal, having just been applied. Somehow this slightly "incomplete" Sara was intoxicating. Even hurried and thrown together, her natural beauty was showing through. We drove to pick up Rick, an experienced accountant who specializes in dealing with universities. He threw his things in as well, quickly taking the seat behind me. Then we went to pick up Pete. Again, throwing his things into the back, Pete walked along to the front of the Jeep and put his hand on the front passenger door handle. It was then that he realized, Sara wasn't moving. The normal routine was for Sara to relocate and sit in the back seat, letting Pete sit up front. But it was obvious that something had changed. Sara wasn't taking the back seat anymore. In fact she kept her body slightly turned so that her back was to the door with her legs folded under her - all but ignoring Pete's old school assumption that 'men sat up front'. I could hear Pete grumble something to Rick as he climbed into the back passenger side seat. Sara glanced up at me over the top of her black glasses as I climbed back into the driver's seat. She wore contacts most of the time these days, but at this hour of the morning she had reverted to her nerdy girl glasses. Her eyes caught mine and held them there for just a moment as I restarted the Jeep. Her eyes almost asked me if what she had done was okay as she nervously fumbled with the paperback book she had folded open to the right chapter. I couldn't help but offer her a slight grin of approval. You know I have this thing for assertive, confident, women. And with each day we spent together, Sara became more confident. God I love that about her. As I let my secret out with a knowing smirk on my face, I could see the relief in her eyes. It was okay. I preferred her company for the next five hours of driving over Pete any day of the week. Especially on a Monday at 5 am. Five hours later we arrived. On a trip like this, we hoped to arrive, unpack, set up shop, and collect basic data so that by Tuesday we could hit the ground running. We were given one of the most generous spaces for working that we'd ever had. Plenty of room, free flowing coffee, and a small conference room with a table large enough to spread things out. The university was well prepared, unlike some agencies we had encountered, making our task much easier. Before we knew it we were ahead of schedule. By 5 pm, everyone was exhausted. We wrapped it up for the night and drove down the block to the hotel we were using this week. After a quick change of clothes and dropping off luggage, we were in the lobby waiting for the group to regather and find some place for dinner. While I was waiting, I was on the phone with Leonard. "Yeah. It's a go. I'll send you the check when I get back to my home office later this week. .... Yes. Sure, I can be there for the whole trip." I carried on the conversation as Pete and Sara could be seen coming down the hallway from the elevators. "Okay. So the photography workshop in Colorado is a go! Talk to you about the details then. Thanks." "Wow. Headed to Colorado?" Sara asked having heard the last of my call. "Yeah. An old friend from college days is hosting a photography workshop group in the mountains for a few days this September. I've been wanting to do that for years." I replied. Pete and Rick were talking to each other, then turned to join us. "Hey, one of the secretaries at the university said there was a great Mexican place that all the professors and staff enjoy. Why don't we give it a try?" Pete offered as we were looking though the advertisements for local restaurants. Rick quickly chimed in as well, "Sounds like a plan." I was about to respond in a similar fashion when I caught the eye of Sara. It was pretty clear from her expression that she wasn't interested in Mexican tonight. I'm sure she would join us, but she really didn't enjoy Mexican foods. So, I threw the key to the Jeep to Rick. "Why don't you go on without us tonight. I think there's a place next door that Sara wanted to try out." As they headed out the door and into the parking lot, Sara patted me on the chest and said, "Good boy", with the same affection of patting a dog on the head. I had hoped I wasn't being too forward by choosing for her. "Ok then, local pizza or chain place?" I asked. She grinned. "You decided on pizza, so its your call. " An hour later we were in her hotel room flipping through the channels eating a great local pizza from a place down the street, along with a few beers. Sara had changed into her typical evening lounging wear. And I had come over in a more relaxed pair of hiking pants and tee shirt. We were ready for our regular "kick back and call it a night" routine. "So did you want to see a movie or just skip it tonight?" I asked. She looked quizzically at the movie guide that had been left in the room. "Naw, let's just skip it. I'm really too stiff from the drive and a 14 hour day to focus." With that she plopped down on the bed and began to stretch. Lowering and raising her shoulders, arching her back in graceful patterns. "You really do look kinda tight." I added, "I could help you with that but just I'm not sure how you'd feel about it." "What do you mean?" she asked, barely glancing back at me. "Well, shoulder and neck massages are kinda my specialty." I shared. And actually they are. Over the years, I've been able to loosen up more stiff necks and shoulders than I can count. When my wife was pregnant with our first, I spent hours helping her relax. ... well, actually it was demanded of me so the other thing I learned was never argue with a pregnant woman. Gripping just the right amount of neck and shoulder muscle with just the right pressure became second nature. "Yeah, that might be weird" She hesitated. "You're rig...." I started, only to be interrupted. Jumping back into the conversation by cutting me off, Sara said, "Where do you want me?" Where do you want me? she asked??? God, don't get me started. With an innocent comment, like 'where do you want me' I realized I could fall for this girl. "Well, just lay down here, face down" I said, throwing a pillow on the corner of the bed. She slid down to the corner, dropping her arms off the side of the bed. I sat along side her and began. Gripping the back of her neck with my right hand I began kneading the tight muscles of her neck, letting my thumb gently massage up her neck and behind her ear. With each pass, I could feel her relax more and more. A gentle breath was taken in and out as I firmly and steadily moved. As she became more relaxed and flexible in my hands, I firmly gripped her neck in a way that directed her head to lay on one side. Now with my left hand, I began massaging her forehead as my right hand continued working her neck. An unintended moaned escaped her lips... her eyes opened with the embarrassing realization that she had verbalized her pleasure. "It's okay. Just relax and enjoy it" I said to reassure her. She closed her eyes again and I continued. This time, running my fingers through her hair from front to back. With each stroke, gently gripping her whole head in massage. From there I continued, massaging her forehead, her hair, her eyebrows, cheeks, and chin; all the time gripping and massaging her neck. "This is so unfair." she said. "What? Am I doing something wrong?" I asked, not knowing where she was going with it. "What other intern get's her boss to give her a massage at the end of the day?" My hands hesitated as she spoke, unsure if she was uncomfortable with the situation. When I saw the grin of pleasure on her face, I returned to the task. Now with her body completely relaxed, I rose up on one knee and hovering over her, began massaging both of her shoulders with both hands. With each stroke I could feel her becoming putty in my hands. Her body was so fresh and tender. Yet the drive had tightened her up to the place you could feel the knots in her muscles. "Would you mind..." she started. Then she suddenly sat up, jumped off the bed, and walked to the bathroom. I thought she had all she wanted of this, or maybe she was becoming uncomfortable with me touching her. So I got up myself. I could hear her clamoring through her toiletries in the bathroom. Thinking the evening was coming to an end, I began collecting my things to head to my own room for the night. Just as suddenly as she had left, she bounced back into the room. She threw a bottle of lotion at me... and realized that I was collecting things to leave. "Wait. You're not done yet" she said matter of factly. And with that she turned away from me toward the bed, pulled her tee shirt off and laid back down on the bed. I panicked, somewhat in shock of what just happened. Granted, I really didn't see anything that I shouldn't have seen. She was facing away from me and held her tee shirt tightly in front of her. But her gorgeous, now topless, body was laying face down on the bed in front of me. "Use that stuff on my back." she ordered. So what was I to do? Of course I complied. Tentatively at first, now using the lotion, I began massaging her whole back. Okay, I admit it. 'Nervously' I started using the lotion. The feel of her skin in my hands was an erotic sensation all its own. From her lower hips to her shoulders, with both hands I firmly worked her muscles. Using my thumbs occasionally, I worked my way up her spine. And returning to work the lumbar region. It wasn't the first back massage I had given to a female coworker. And yeah, that's a whole other story. But this had a different feel. I guess there were several levels of connection in my mind. A massage for a friend that is flirtatious and relaxing that has no intent of anything more. Then maybe a massage that has an edge of sexuality, even leading to a romantic night "that turned into breakfast". (so I guess you know who that was.) But this was different. There was a sexual edge as well as a sense of intimacy. It was more than the thought 'hey, let's have recreational sex ' that you can walk away from with great memories and a grin on your face but no thought of it being a relationship. It was more than the result of too many days away from home that resulted in an erotic quickie. No this was different. In many ways we had lived together on the road for several weeks. There was a bond that was being made - as strange as that sounds. After what seemed like an hour, I turned to face the other direction. Drawing right her leg up into the air, I began massaging her foot. Firmly pressing with both thumbs to work her insole and gently rotating her ankle as I massaged her tendon and heal. Stopping from time to time, only to take additional lotion into my hands, I massaged one foot and then the other. Which seemed to please her in ways I hadn't expected. And finally, tugging her pajama pant legs down from her ankle to her knee as her feet were still raised in the air, I firmly massaged one calf then the other. Okay, I admit it. I was so turned on at that moment that I knew that I had to leave. God, I'm going to hell for this. I'm having sexual thoughts about this woman. And it's more than just the sexual thought of ripping her pajama pants off and screwing the hell out of her. It was the sexual thought of not just "having" her for momentary sexual pleasure... but "being with" her in a relationship. I glanced over at the clock and realized that we had been going at this for an hour and a half. She was relaxed and ready for bed. And frankly, I was exhausted too. I stood up and finished gathering the things I had already started to pull together earlier. I stood intentionally with my back to the bed knowing that I had to rearrange my crotch. I didn't want to expose the fact that I had a raging hard on. I nonchalantly adjusted things before picking up all my stuff to leave. "Maybe I should call it a night so you can get some sleep." I said as I picked up the last items. She rolled slightly to watch as I headed for the door. As I went, I could hear her getting up from the bed. She was walking me to the door - probably to lock up for the night. I opened the door and turned to say good night. She stood there, close to me, with her teeshirt that she had taken off held tightly in a bundle against her chest, covering the fact that she was topless. That is a sight I'll never forget. "Well, good night" I stammered out as I stood in the now partially open doorway. Still using the one hand to hold her tee shirt over her breasts, she took her other hand to reach up and grab my neck. She rose up on her toes. I expected a kiss on the cheek or a mild hug based on her movements. But without warning and in firm control, she began to kiss me. Right there! Half in the hallway - half in the room ... half topless - yet not really ... she kissed me. This wasn't the friendly peck on the lips that you give to your six year old as they head out the door for the school. No, I could taste the saltiness of the pizza still on her lips from dinner. I could feel the firm grip of her hand behind my head. I felt her body being drawn close to me as she kissed me. And just as I thought I might be over reacting, that it was only a friendly peck on the lips, her tongue pressed my mouth open to take her in. This was a full out kiss that shocked me with it's passion. The warm feeling of her tongue in my mouth is indescribable. I remember breathing in the scent of her perfume. My eyes were wide open, since this kiss had come as such a shock. And I realized her eyes were open as well... looking deeply into mine. When she was done - and I mean when SHE was done, she released my neck. Using her now free hand, she pushed on my chest; just gently enough for me to step back, completely outside of her room. That was easy enough since I was still in a state of shock. As she closed the door, she had a sly grin on her face and her lips pursed ever so slightly, as if to seductively taste the kiss she had just experienced. Her eyes never broke contact with mine until the door separated us as it closed. I walked back to my room in shock, in wonder, in elation, and in utter confusion. So began one of the longest nights I can ever remember as I tried to grasp what had just happened. WAIT! WHERE IS THIS GOING? The concluding days of our Richmond trip were totally innocent. Even though I had spent an infamous evening of massaging a half naked woman in her hotel room. For the next few days I wondered where this whole thing was going. Sara had now taken to waiting until the other members of our team were out of the room to make sly comments by way of jerking my chain. It was clear from a couple of the comments that she had seen my arousal that night. Her jabs now included the occasional erection pun. "We're up against some stiff competition...", "That seems hardly possible...", "Let's wait and see what comes up." With each pun, she would look me in the eye and search for a reaction. It was a new game that both annoyed me and was exceedingly fun at the same time. She took great pleasure in making such comments with a room full of coworkers, knowing they were not hearing her with the same interpretation with which I was hearing her. The Sara Chronicles It was driving me nuts. This is a woman who is intelligent enough to hold a coherent conversation about ramifications of Obamacare on medical instrument purchasing budgets for a local senior adult assisted living center. While at the same time she's making puns about erections that would make a junior high boy giggle like an elementary school girl. One minute she was comparing grant requirements to currently verified inventory lists and the next she's twirling her hair between her fingers with a pencil like an innocent teenager. And each step of the way, I was falling for her. God, do I even realize the ramifications of that? Returning to the Pittsburgh area, the days passed quickly. The bulk of our time was spent at our small office south of Canonsburg PA. We didn't have to wade past the other office staff of the downtown office and we didn't have to work around piles of materials left by coworkers. This office was a building Dan had owned from earlier business; before the buyout. Buying the building as well as his business was a part of the buyout contract. We actually used this building for a while until it became seriously over crowded. But they let me keep a few things there and use it for team meetings and archiving of prior projects. Sara was only in for a few of those days, working on odd jobs at the main office most of the time and coming to our office only when not needed. But during that time Dan saw her at work and began to see just how capable she was. He emailed me once when her particularly good work ethic showed through. While he was thanking me for training her well, I couldn't help but realize it was more about her innate ability than it was my work with her. No matter how I was feeling about her, it was clear that her skills and aggressive confidence would make her a success. But that's the catch; the never ending circle that I was trapped in. The more she displayed her innate ability as a self assured, competent woman, the more I was having feelings for her. And the more she sensed my trust in her, the more she became self assured and competent. This whole thing was moving out of control. We loaded up for a rather long week in Lafayette, Indiana. Unlike our previous trips, this would require an extended stay. So we loaded up on a Sunday afternoon and drove to where we would spend the next five nights. Again Sara, feeling much more a full fledged member of the team, took the front passenger seat. Two additional team members were with us; Pete and his joyful curmudgeonly self, and Ed, an extremely capable but older accountant. Little did I know on the long drive across Ohio and into Indiana, that this trip would completely screw up the rest of my life. Everyone was tired and grumpy after our long drive so we all just grabbed our room keys at the registration desk and headed for our rooms. The next morning, after a great night's sleep and feeling much more human, I headed down to the dining area for the freebie breakfast. Sitting in the corner drinking the stuff they were trying to pass off as coffee, Sara came through the breakfast line, then joined me. The news was playing in the background. TVs were tuned in to Fox News with the announcement of Amy Winehouse's death. Sara seemed to be interested in it. "Isn't it just a tragedy?" She asked as she sat down next to me. "Who?" I asked. Yeah, there's a generation gap between us that often was painfully obvious. But at the same time it could be the source of great humor. Like the night I tried to explain the rerun of an old ALF episode that was playing on Nick at Night. We ate our starchy waffles and chatted for a while about stuff; the hotel rooms, the weather that was going to be much hotter today, the accent of the locals, and how we get so sick of the routine hotel breakfasts. And then she repositioned herself on her chair. In typical Sara style, she folded one leg under her and was now turned slightly to look directly at me. Bluntly and directly... and almost a little too loudly for a public setting.... she came out with it. "Why is it that you still haven't said anything about what happened in Richmond?" "What?" I asked, in a much quieter tone, hoping she'd take the hint. "About when you kissed me." she said. I almost choked as she asked. "What? We're having this conversation here?" She had softened her voice, but it was still a little loud for the setting. "Well, I guess if it's not here, it will never happen. You're acting like you don't want to talk to me now." Nobody around us heard; still there was that sense that the whole world would find out about this. And the sense that if they did, I'd be seen as some kind of pervert who was taking advantage of a sweet, young lady. I was about to respond to the issue when the way she had phrased the question just dawned on me. "Wait a second... when 'I' kissed 'You'? Did I miss something?" Was I only remembering Richmond the way I perceived it or was she being coy? "Well, yeah. You gave me a great massage. We headed to the door to say good night. Then you kissed me." She stated calmly. "As I recall, and for the record, YOU kissed ME", I stated in a now whisper, arguing my case. For the next five minutes we bickered like quarreling teenagers over who started it. Was my offer of the massage the initiation of intimacy or was it her grabbing the back of my neck and kissing me the beginning? I truly couldn't tell.... and to this day, still don't know.... Maybe the truth is that I did start this. But what did it matter? It was started. As our banter continued, we noticed Pete walking toward us. "Gonna be a hot day in Indiana" he griped as he sat down at the table with us. His tray clanked down on the table with all the grace that is Pete. He stepped over to a nearby table to grab salt and pepper. "We'll talk about this later" I said, directed at Sara and somewhat under my breath. "Mornin' Pete." Within a moment, Ed also made is way to our table with only coffee. "Not eating today?" I inquired. "No, I ate an hour ago", Ed replied. "My body is still on Eastern Time Zone." And so began another normal breakfast at the hotel. Later that night our little discussion at breakfast was a distant memory. I was trying not to think about it. Every time I did, I realized how attracted to Sara I had become. So I dealt with this the way I've dealt with every other romantic relationship challenge I've had. I just tried to ignore it and hope it would go away. We had dinner at South Street Smoke House, not far from where we had been working that day. The whole team had a very normal, typical meal together. Then we headed home. As we arrived back at the hotel, Sara got out of the Jeep quickly and headed in. It seemed a little odd since she had recently begun to accept the fact that I'm a dinosaur who comes around to open the door for her. Now, she'd hesitate getting out and take pleasure in my old school traits. But for some reason she moved rapidly, not waiting for the guys to follow. It worried me that maybe she was upset with our breakfast conversation. She seemed okay through the day, but now as we approached the end of the day, something was wrong. I made the polite conversation with Ed and Pete as they went their separate ways. The hotel staff normally spread a working group out on different floors, giving them some room for privacy. So it wasn't unusual to see us head different directions. I made my way to my room. It seemed quiet, dark, and a bit lonely. Rather than sit and idly watch sitcoms on TV, I decided to take a shower and try to relax. I'm more the "morning shower" kinda guy, but if I can't sleep or need to unwind, I find a hot shower relaxing. So as the water was running, getting to the right temperature, I shed my clothes. I threw my uptight, blue pinstripe, dress shirt on the counter next to the sink. Steam began to fill the room as I stepped into the bedroom to hang up my pants. The closet door squeaked shut, it's full length mirror letting me see just how old my body was getting. I threw my underwear and socks into the plastic bag I bring for dirty clothes and went back to the bathroom. The steam seemed to both clear my mind and relax me. But it also added to my frustrations. It reminded me of the mornings my wife would head off to work without saying good bye. It reminded me that I was utterly alone. The silence was depressing. I dried myself off and began combing though my hair for some unknown reason. I'd just shower again in the morning and get ready for the day. So if I'm not going anywhere what's it matter. But it's a routine. That's when there was a knock on my door. I looked through the peep hole to see who it was. There stood Sara, in her pajama pants and tee shirt. I quickly threw on a pair of columbia hiking pants I had in the closet and tossed a tee shirt over me before rushing back to the door. As I pulled the door open, she had already turned and was starting to leave. "I thought you might not want to see me tonight", she mumbled softly. "What do you mean by that? Of course it's okay, come in." I offered. She stepped in the door to my room and as the door closed she threw her arms around me and buried her face in my chest. She was abnormally emotional. A trait I'd never seen from her. I put my arms around her. "Hey, hey hey.... what's wrong hon?" I asked. "I just got off the phone with my father. He just pisses me off so much, I can't stand it." she said through her tears. I knew from across the weeks that nothing could set her off more than having a phone conversation with her father. But in other confrontations she came away angry and belligerent; not emotional or tearful. The embrace ended and she jumped up into my bed as if it was her own room. But with the intimacy we had shared over the past few months, it didn't seem overly forward. She grabbed a pillow from the bed, tugging it around to lay in front of her. Sitting upright with her legs crossed, she placed the pillow in her lap and seemed to just crumble. I sat on the edge of the bed, slightly behind her, and massaged her shoulders to comfort her. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked out of concern. "No." she quickly replied. Yet for the next hour she did talk about it, pouring out her emotions. Maybe being stuck traveling in an 'all guy' team for so long, she hadn't had a chance to express her feelings. Talking to Pete sure doesn't lend oneself to "sharing". An hour later, she seemed to be much more relaxed again. She had made herself very much at home in my bed. She even had munched her way to the bottom of the Dave and Berry's box of snacks that I had brought with me. Through the course of our conversation she had moved from various positions and now was completely under the covers of the bed, propped up against the headboard with every available pillow in the room. "It's getting late." she whispered somewhat through groggy eyes. "That's okay" I replied. Inwardly, I didn't want the intimacy of this conversation to end. Or maybe it was that I was just so lonely that I enjoyed having any conversation. "Just rest a while" I offered. She seemed so relaxed and as moments passed and I couldn't tell if the quietness was a deeper intimacy or if she was just comfortable enough with me that she could let go. Thinking she may have drifted off to sleep, I got up and pulled a blanket off the top of shelf of the closet. Turning off all the lights except the dimmer of the two lights in the bathroom, I made my way to the large easy chair in the room and pulled the ottoman up close. I was preparing a place to settle in for the night when she whispered to me, "You don't have to sleep over there." I stood upright, somewhat taken off guard; first by the fact that she was still awake and then by her statement. As I turned to look to her, she pulled the covers back, invitingly. Her gaze was fixed on my eyes, almost as if to see what my reaction would be. But by now it's clear how an aggressive woman is such a turn on to me. The fact that she was inviting me into bed with her was the most erotic thought I could ever have entertained. I'm not the most desirable guy in the world. To be honest, that's something that I've come to terms with. In other words, don't worry... I'm aware of it. I'd probably be described as the guy next door who mows the lawn on the weekend, but you don't really notice or think about. At the same time, as attractive as Sara is to me, she's no runway model. Yet she's just one of the sweetest most caring and lovely young women I've ever known. She comes with the baggage of her own quarks and short comings. But now the thought of being invited into bed with a woman half my age was raging through my brain. I stepped toward the edge of the bed and started to get in. She grinned and asked, "so you're going to wear hiking pants to bed?" "Well.." I hesitated. I still didn't know where this was going so I assumed we were just going to 'sleep' together like we had done before. "When you knocked on the door, I had just finished taking a shower. I just threw these on quickly." I sheepishly shared. "I'm not wearing anything under these pants" I whispered in embarrassment. She let out a mild laugh and rolled her head to bury her face in the pillow, hiding the laugher. Yes, even her laugh brings me joy. But as the laugh subsided, she raised the blanket again to invite me in. "That's fine." she said. I started to get into the bed, thinking she meant that it was fine to leave them on. "No, it's fine that you're not wearing anything under those. You can take them off." This time, instead of laughing, she looked me in the eye. There was a long moment of decision. An awkward moment when I realized that my vivid sexual imagination of Sara was suddenly more than just something to roll around in my brain as a personal little fantasy. I stood at the edge of the bed, still frozen. Should I cross this line? Would it destroy our friendship? And again she raised the blanket for me to join her. I unbuckled the clasp that held my pants and let the loose fitting, light weight pants drop around my ankles. This time it was me, looking to her eyes, looking for approval. The insecurity of someone my age standing naked in front of a woman this young was nearly petrifying. Stepping out of them, I slid into the warmth spot in the bed she had created over the previous hour of talking. As my head fell on the pillows that were propped up from her many earlier positions. I could feel her arms search under the covers to surround my waist as her head fell against my chest. I was laying flat on my back, looking at the ceiling, asking myself if this was really happening. And while searching for that answer, I felt her leg slide over mine - her knee now positioned between my legs with the warmth of her thigh now pressing against my groin. Sara's head was buried up high on my chest. Her breasts were pressed firmly against my ribs, almost parted, conforming to my body so that my ribs could feel the warm and lush center of her chest. As we both were experiencing the warmth that we both seemed to need this night, I began caressing her hair. Running my fingers through the length of her hair. She looked up at me and without comment, we began to kiss. Like teenagers in the back of a van after a Saturday night dance, we kissed. Passionately yet with an almost inept awkwardness. The uncertainty of where this was going kept playing in our minds. Still, we really didn't care at this moment. Sara's aggressive nature took over. She climbed up over top of me, still in her teeshirt and pajama pants. She straddled my hips, my now erect penis tucked between her legs, feeling the warmth of her body. She grabbed her teeshirt at the waistband and in one fluid motion, pulled it from her hips and up over her head. Tugging on the now limp shirt, she released the remainder of her flowing, brown hair still trapped inside. She tossed the teeshirt to the side and on to the chair. The glow of the light from the bathroom offered me a beautiful silhouette of her hovering over me. I couldn't help myself any longer as both of my hands reached for her hips and slid up the side of her torso. She put her hands over mine, gripping my thumbs to lead my hands upward. Soon they reached her breasts. I had imagined what they looked like on the night I had given her a massage. Since caressing her back and shoulders, my dreams were filled with the hope of this moment. And I could feel her lean into my hands as they cupped her gorgeous breasts. The warm flesh drove me crazy. I held on as she pressed her body downward, letting the weight of her body press her breasts into my hands. A relaxed smile came over her as she fell into my hands. Her breasts were somewhat small yet round and full. I've always been attracted to women with small breasts, and hers were simply perfect. Her nipples were small and firm with very small areola. They begin to respond to the touch as I could feel her hips begin to arch. She began gently grinding her pelvis along the side of my now fully erect penis. The sensation of the seam of her pajama pants at times was harsh against my bare erection. It was all but a barrier between us, guarding us from doing anything we would regret. But I didn't care. The movement, the warmth, the feeling of her legs against my hips as she sat on my lap, grinding her body against my penis was so desired that nothing mattered. I let my left hand drift around her body. It found its place in the small of her back, gently pressing her hips down into mine. I slid my hand inside the waistband of her pajama pants, past the thin material of her panties. The silky feeling of her ass in my hand was tantalizing. After several minutes of this glorious feeling, her pace steadied and her body was tensing up. She continued to grind her pelvis into me but now at a much faster pace. Her whole body locked up tight and shook with anticipation. Suddenly she came. She had an orgasm right there without penetration. She shuttered as her whole body changed temperature and she fell forward into my arms. My hands now reaching around her, one finding her bear back and the other still tucked in the back waistline of her pajama pants. It was amazing to feel her slump into my arms and drape herself over me, spent by the moment. "God, I needed that" she uttered in a barely audible voice. Her head now side by side with mine in our embrace. I gently kissed and nibbled at her ear, rubbing the small of her back, letting her bask in the remnant of her climax. Her hips still gently moving, she slowly returned to normal breathing. I brushed the hair back, giving me access to her ear and neck. Kissing, caressing, and just adoring this beautiful woman. She shyly grinned at me covering her eyes with her hand. After a moment to catch her breath, she rolled off me and stretched with her arms above her. "What is it you need?" she slyly whispered, looking me directly in the eye. And with that she shoved her thumbs in the waistband of her pajamas, taking them and her panties off in one motion. She threw them at the chair next to the bed and sprawled back to receive me. As I looked over at her, for a brief moment I hesitated. Caught speechless at the sight of her laying completely naked next to me. I drank in the sight, the feelings, the odd connection we seemed to have. But Sara took it differently. A confused expression came across her face and she sheepishly tugged the sheets over her. "What's wrong?" I asked. "You stopped. You think I'm hideous." She whispered, somewhat despondent. She reflexively grabbed at the blankets to pull them up over her naked body. Suddenly the confident, self-assured Sara was vulnerable. "No... no. NO? I don't want this moment to end." I said as I gently pulled the sheet away from her again. "You're simply gorgeous." The Sara Chronicles She relaxed a bit, but the edge of apprehension was still in her expression. So I wanted to do everything I could to reassure her that she was a lovely sight. I quickly tugged my tee shirt off and hovered over her. Kissing slowly along her neck from her ear to her shoulder, then to her breasts. Sucking her left nipple into my mouth, I let it rest there against my tongue for a moment before taking slow sucking motions that drew not only her nipple but additional flesh into my mouth. As I held her breast in my mouth, I let one hand slip down between her legs. Not in a forceful or aggressive way, but softly letting just the tip of my forefinger run along the length of her labia. I actually could feel my own hand trembling. She placed her hand on the back of my head and pressed my mouth more firmly on her breast. I continued kissing down the center of her chest, coming to rest on the flat warm spot just above the hairline of her pubic area. She was trimmed, but not totally shaven. I could feel her thighs tremble slightly as she gently spread open to receive me. She threw one arm up over her face all but hiding her eyes from me. I wondered if it was from embarrassment, the apprehension of her own self image, or from pleasure. But selfishly, I didn't care at this moment. Without asking, I used both hands to spread her legs open and reveal her most intimate self to me. Overcome with the moment, I dropped my face to her exposed labia and began to enjoy her. I discovered something about Sara very quickly that still keeps me awake at nights sometimes. Sara craved oral sex more than any woman I've ever known. Frankly, I've always been a little unsure of myself when giving a woman oral sex. Inexperience, awkwardness, and the fact that many woman don't seem to relax and enjoy it, have caused me to back away. But in this moment, as I drew her labia into my mouth I could sense that she was melting with the sensation. I glanced up to see her eyes were still hidden by her forearm that covered them. But her mouth opened slightly and a nearly inaudible moan emerged. For what seemed like forever she ran her fingers through my hair as my tongue pleasured her. Licking, sucking, parting her labia with my tongue and then fully penetrating her with it, every action seemed to bring her delight. I cupped her ass cheeks in my hands to gently lift her hips to my face. The sensation of her hips gently rocking in my hands was intoxicating. Then it dawned on me. I suddenly rose up and moved to sit next to her. She looked over at me, "what's wrong now? Why did you stop?" "I can't" I replied almost solemnly. "It's okay, I want to be with you tonight." She grinned seductively as she tried to reassure me it was all right. "No, you don't understand. I don't have a condom." I whispered. At that she broke out into laugher. She playfully shoved me back away from between her legs. "Let me get this straight. A guy who travels and is away from home a week at a time is telling me he hasn't got a single condom in his possession?" I sheepishly threw myself backward, covering my erection with my hands in embarrassment. With that she pulled my hands away, giggling and through her laugher said, "Guess we'll have to take care of this like it was high school." And with that she pushed me down onto my back. She climbed over top of me, putting her pelvis over my face. She dropped down and began giving me an amazing blow job. My hands quickly found their place on her round ass. I controlled how firmly she sat on my face with my grip. She took my penis with both hands. With one she held me erect and with the other she began massaging my scrotum. As her mouth took me in for the first time, the amazing warmth made my whole body tremble. I could feel her breasts rubbing against my stomach as she moved. Rather than take my whole cock in to the point of choking, she focused on truly pleasuring my head. In circular, bobbing motions, she took me in to her mouth. At one point she shifted her weight, and rather than being on both knees, she rose up on one side to put her weight on one foot. The angle let me breath more freely but also it stretched her lovely inner thigh wider, giving me greater access as she raised and lowered her hips in a gentle motion. Within a few minutes, I could feel my body ready to erupt. I tried to mumble to her; to warn her that I was about to climax. But she had all but cut off my ability to speak as she kept her pelvis lowered onto my face. I went off. I couldn't stop. My body became rigged and I rose my hips as high as I could. She froze for a moment and dropped her face completely down on to me. For the first time in this amazing blow job, she took me in all the way, as deeply as she could take. And with only a mild hesitation, she took my cum into her mouth. As my jerking and sputtering climax ended, She rolled off me and rushed into the bathroom. I lay in the bed spent and in a daze but I could hear her spitting into the sink. Damn, she did that for me even knowing she didn't want the taste of that. I lay there in embarrassed confusion. I could hear her fumbling though my toiletry bag. An hour ago I might have thought that to be presumptuous. But in light of the fact that she had just taken a mouthful of my cum it didn't seem worth worrying about. I could hear her brushing her teeth and I could only assume she was using my toothbrush. But as the water stopped, there was silence. The thought that she was regretful of what had just happened came to my mind. I wondered if she would be pissed off at me or feel taken advantage of as an intern. Thoughts of Bill Clinton and Monica came to mind as I couldn't bear the thought that I might have used my position of authority to manipulate Sara into this. Would she leave tearfully, making for a difficult and awkward week on this job site? Every thought I had resulted in the destruction of our team and working harmony. Some of those thoughts had the destruction of my marriage, my job, my positions at work. And I even began thinking about the groups that I do volunteer work with each year that might not want me around, as some kind of old pervert. Then door opened and she re-entered the bedroom. She was wearing the pinstripe dress shirt I had discarded following my earlier shower. Digging through her pajama pants on the chair next to the bed, she found her panties and slipped them on gracefully. Rather than packing her things to leave, she slipped back into the bed. She gently moved up close to me. Her face nestled into my neck, her arm draped over my torso and her leg playfully moved between mine. I could feel the warmth of her hips against mine. In the darkness now, I felt her body finally fully relax. I kissed her forehead and gently ran my fingers through her hair a last time for this day. As the moments passed I sensed she was sleeping. Not another word was spoken until morning. A NEW REALITY As society changes and adapts through current events, the stretching is painful and there is often conflict. But in time the change becomes the norm. Gas prices jump thirty cents, people whine, then it drops ten cents and things calm down. Before we know it, everyone has accepted the fact that gas is now twenty cents more. It's the new reality. In just a few short weeks, life as I knew it was completely different. I started as a typical married man with two kids, four cars and a house payment. I went to work and kept myself out of trouble. I didn't drink more than the occasional beer with pizza. I didn't curse much, more out of my upbringing in a fundamentalist home than anything else. I enjoyed movies and took pleasure in photography. I did the Saturday night dinner with the whole family thing that's been our tradition for over 20 years. Saturday mornings you'd likely find me on a golf course with friends. Our little sub-division is a neighborhood that has as many dogs, cats, and deer as it has people. Of course there had been the monthly PTA meetings during the years that our kids were in school. I lead a pretty boring and mundane life. Little did I know that my mundane life was about to be ripped into chaos. My new reality? I was now in a relationship that seemed more like an affair than a fling. Strange as it sounds, my wife had gotten over the fact that on rare occasions... very rare occasions... there was a one night stand. The reality is that for a guy who lives on the road, something probably happened along the way. She had written it off as 'guys are perpetually horny bastards that can't keep their dicks in their pants'. My wife is a very self assured and confident, educated woman. Did I mention how much confident women turn me on? But without actually saying it, or talking about it, she knew that I would never leave her for another woman. As long as it was just a one time, physical thing and not a relationship, it could be resolved. And yes, that had happened in the past. But that's not where I found myself this time. My new reality, at least from my perspective, was that I was having an affair. I'm a Libra, and yes you can laugh at the fact that I even brought it up. I don't guide my life by the daily horoscope in the newspaper. But there is a tendency for personality traits associated with each sign, to be pretty close to truth. I find myself always getting into situations where I'm balancing out the needs of everyone. I'm a typical Libra who thrives on relationship and connection - both mental and physical. And my deeply engrained OCD patterns are typical of a Libra. I'm the one who checks the garage door three times each night. I spend as much time sweating over the format of a document as the content. And yes, I sometimes sweat the small stuff as I've been painfully reminded in recent days. My friends tell me that I'm so OCD that I'm "CDO", because I had to put it in alphabetical order. As the rest of the week unfolded in Lafayette, Sara moved several of her things into my hotel room. She used her room occasionally after dinner for some private time. I discovered that she was very private about using the bathroom. I guess the thought of any "bathroom noises" penetrating beyond the walls of the bathroom was a true phobia. Guys can be a lot less subtle about such things as sounds and smells. But I did find myself using that time to relieve myself as well. She also would go to her room and mess up things; the bed, the nightstand, the bathroom etc. She left a few things there and an empty suitcase. When I asked, she said she didn't want the maid to think she was a slut who was sleeping around. And no, I thought it better not to bring up the fact that she actually was sleeping elsewhere. We made a definitive stop at a CVS to assure we had condoms for the rest of the week. And I'm so glad we did. We breezed through a box in three days without even blinking. But it wasn't all about "sack time". It seemed as we became more intimate sexually, it only increased our intimacy in other ways. She started finishing my sentences, something that I think she had wanted to do for weeks but didn't have the courage to do publicly. And there was a deeper playfulness to our banter. At dinner, Ed and Pete found themselves talking as Sara and I held a different conversation at the same table. It was somewhat undeniably obvious that something was going on. Through the rest of the summer, Sara and I were together three to four days a week. No matter the make up of the team she sat next to me. Pete, Ed, Rick, Kathee, and Jason, all traveled with us in different combinations. Dan seemed to accept that Sara was asked to travel each week. And in several email messages, he started talking about the possibility of bringing Sara on full time - even before her internship was complete. So another new reality was the known deadline for Sara's departure was up in the air. I started thinking about the ramifications of this little affair becoming a longer relationship than once considered. Then Lexington, Kentucky came. This time it was almost like we didn't need to hide things anymore. The work was getting done and Sara was continuing to amaze me not only in the bedroom but in her work as well. The more she excelled in her tasks the more I wanted her. And the more guilty I felt that my friendship had become an affair. We pulled into the Doubletree hotel where our reservations had been confirmed, after a long day of travel and the start of a job at a fairly large nursing home. Unpacked and waiting in the lobby to go to dinner with the group, we were bantering with each other like an old married couple. "Look, if we use my room this week, I'll be closer to the pool." Sara argued. She truly enjoyed swimming in the mornings. "But hon, have you seen the view from my room? You can see the old downtown off to the side and have a perfect view of the river. It's on the top floor for godsakes." I returned. Kathee approached us as we bickered, and we didn't even realize her presence. "Am I interrupting something?" she asked innocently enough. For a split second, we froze, wondering if Kathee had heard what we were talking about. But Kathee's quizzical expression as to why we had a "deer in the headlights" look, actually relieved us. "The lovebirds are just fighting" barked Pete who was seated in the lobby just a few feet away with his back to us. The whole time we were talking, Pete was within earshot and we didn't even notice. We'd been outed. As Pete recognized the shock on Sara's face, he bluntly continued. "Look it's not like nobody knew." Pete grumbled a bit and got up to head for the front door, having seen Jason coming down the hallway from the elevators. Everyone was present. So we headed out the door together. Sara and I going last. Under the drive through canopy of the hotel, Pete and Jason were deciding for us where we were going to dinner. Kathee, a woman about my age who had a better handle on the regulations for Kentucky healthcare systems, seemed lost by it all. It was clear that the thought of a guy my age having a "thing" with a woman Sara's age kind of disgusted her. So for the rest of the week we endured her pitiful looks of distain. Sara was mortified. After a few moments, she turned to me and said, "I don't think I'm all that hungry tonight." and went back into the hotel. Pete and Jason turned around as she left. "What? She's not going?" Pete asked in his usual, boorish voice. "No, she's not feeling well" I replied. "Maybe I should go and talk to her. Why don't you three go and enjoy yourselves." I continued. Jason had driven up from our Nashville office, to flesh out the team this week. So he offered to drive as I went back into the hotel. Knocking on the hotel room door, I heard faint movement inside. I could almost hear, but more likely sense, that Sara was leaning against the door on the other side. While we had been somewhat flirtatious together, it never was openly known that we were sleeping together. But now the realization was that it WAS known that we were sleeping together. She and I both were embarrassed by the fact that Pete knew. Yet, I can't imagine how much more damaging it was for her than me. "Hey, talk to me" I pleaded as I knocked again. About that time, the door to the room across the hall opened behind me. I stood keeping my eye on Sara's door when I felt a tap on my shoulder. "You have the wrong room, idiot. God, are you so old that you can't remember my room number." I turned around to see her there in her doorway. She smiled wryly and took my hand to lead me into the room. So another new reality to deal with - Others knew. And we weren't nearly as good at keeping a secret as we thought we were. The next morning over breakfast, Pete was seated already as I got my coffee. I sat down and we talked. Apparently he had seen me get on an elevator early one morning. "Why else would a guy be still wearing the same clothes at 6 am, if he wasn't visiting someone else's room?" Pete gruffly stated. After a little man to man conversation he agreed to not bring it up for Sara's sake. While he could be a real hard ass about some things, he was a man of his word. Our "which room to use" issue was resolved by using one for two days and the other for the next two days. Okay, the Libra finds a balance. As Lexington came near to a close, we had enjoyed nearly two solid weeks as something more than just friends. Even longer if you include the kiss, the massage, and the night watching movies. And, at least for me, the pleasure of being with Sara was still as deep as the night I awoke to feel her sleeping next to me. On the last night in Kentucky, I woke up in the middle of the night only to lay awake and watch her sleep by my side. With the rise and fall of each breath she too, my perfectly ordered, OCD, balanced life became more unstable. I had completely and utterly fallen in love with this girl. And there in the darkness as she slept, the melodic rhythm of her breathing captivating me as I realized it was love. It was an affair and I was all in. And I was an emotional wreck because of it WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? As August rolled in, we found ourselves slated for Dayton Ohio; just a quick, two day assignment. Sara and I were alone for the first time on a trip. Pete had planned to come but the family emergency issues a few weeks earlier turned out to be more serious than he first let on. His wife was now dealing with cancer and treatment plans had changed. For some unknown reason I was a little upset by the news of her sickness. Pete certainly can be a real ass at times, but in many ways he grows on you. Maybe it was because I lost my father to cancer just a few years earlier. Maybe it was 50 coming at me like a freight train. Maybe I had begun to realize the frailty of life. Sara and I were at the Canonsburg office alone. I could hear her in the next room talking on the phone. I vaguely could make out the rhythmic pattern of her voice slowly giving a credit card number. As often as I reserve hotels for our group, it's a normal part of our office flow. But as I entered the room I heard "yeah,... you can put 'From Jim and Sara'. Okay? Sure, Tuesday is fine. Thanks!" Sara hung up the phone. "What was all that about?" I inquired. "I just sent Pete's wife some flowers." Sara replied. "God, she's not dead or anything." I shot back. "You guys just don't get it! You can send flowers to a woman for just about anything." She grinned and swiveled her office chair back to face the desk. I couldn't help but smile to myself as I returned to my tasks, thinking that Sara had signed the card for these flowers as being from "us". So I guess now we're officially a couple since she's even thinking that way. We finished the prep work needed for the trip to Dayton. Since Pete wasn't able to go, a last minute replacement flew in from our Nashville office to do the facility report. By the time we would arrive, it should be complete and waiting for us. So it was just Sara and I, off on a short trip to Ohio. Being early August it should normally be pretty hot. But the weather report looked gorgeous for this time of year. So on a whim, when it came time to head out and pick up Sara for the 4 hour drive from Pittsburgh, I threw my things into my personal toy car instead of the company owned Jeep. Forty minutes later I was pulling up to Sara's apartment in my 1997 BMW Z3 ragtop roadster. Of course it opened the door for her all but hourly cracks about my age. "Old car for the old guy".. "creep mobile"... "do you keep candy in the glove box to offer the children?"... and my favorite.... "The midlife crisis car". But hey, at my age, you should take all the fun you can get. Now the big problem of taking the Z became quickly apparent. Sara had to go back in the apartment and repack into a smaller suitcase since her luggage wouldn't fit in the trunk! The Sara Chronicles We set off for Dayton! Alone for a long drive like this, we had time to really talk - alone - with no other team members sitting in the back seat listening. Without the restraint of keeping up appearances, we could relax and speak openly. By the time we hit I-70 west bound, Sara had placed her hand on top of mine as it rested on the stick shift. It was a comforting feeling. Of course it was interrupted by her constant changing of the music on the radio. I had hooked up a connection for an ipod to the old '90s radio. Before the trip was over she had introduced me to a dozen new artists. She was especially drawn to Amos Lee and several other modern folk singers. Before reaching Springfield, I think I had already listened to every song Lee had ever recorded; maybe even his 4th grade Christmas program solo. I had never really taken note of her hands. But in this setting, with plenty of time, I delighted in the feel of her caress. Her long, fingers seemed slightly out of context with her short frame. At times she would simply rest her hand on mine. But occasionally she would raise her palm and gently glide her fingers across each knuckle, one by one; playfully providing a relaxing sensation. As we approached Columbus, the time of day was right to drive straight through instead of going out and around the outer belt. So I charged through hoping downtown traffic wouldn't slow us down too much. Darting in and out of traffic along the confined inner city highway, Sara changed position. At first I thought she was a little nervous about my driving. I can be a little bit of a speed demon. But she was looking carefully out the window, searching for something. Suddenly she brightened up and pointed out the window. "Look, there it is!" Her giddy reaction and smile made me look over. In the low riding ragtop, I had to slouch a bit to see through the smaller passenger window, but she was pointing to a hotel that we had used during one of our trips to Columbus. "There's the hotel where we first slept together!" she blurted out. Somewhat in amusement, we both began to smile. We remembered that it was the place we had experienced our first true encounter. When she had simply fallen asleep in my arms. As we continued to drive past that 'milestone' of a hotel, it was almost like things were coming full circle. And much too soon, things would come full circle. I just didn't realize it yet. We arrived in Dayton and went directly to the location of our next assignment. As promised, a full facility report was waiting for us. We were able to move quickly into the inventory of equipment that the grant funding proposal had required. Instead of assigning inventory to Sara while I began digging through budget reports and financial records, I decided it was time to let Sara move into the big league. For the remainder of the first day in Dayton, we both worked through the inventory. So together we wandered around the facility with our clipboards; checking, counting, and noting serial numbers of required equipment items. Part of me was doing it this way so that Sara could begin honing her skills in the more difficult areas that I usually handle. But part of me was doing it this way so that I could spend more time with her. Ok, the Libra in me was getting out of balance and losing objectivity quickly. But since both of us were working this task, it was done by the end of the first day. We stood at the front desk of the hotel waiting to check in as the desk clerk returned. He searched the computer screen for the reservation number as we stood, holding our bags. The bags were light since we had traveled in a car that had a trunk the size of a desk drawer. So the delay with the clerk wasn't too annoying. As we stood waiting, Sara reached over and embraced my arm with her free hand, leaning her head against my shoulder. It was an innocent move that neither of us thought much about. But the hotel clerk glanced up at us and hesitated. He returned to the task of preparing room keys and slid the documents in front of me to sign. He didn't say it out loud, but he said it clearly. The clerk spoke volumes with his eyes. It was a truth that I didn't want to really admit. What's this old guy doing with this woman? But reality was just days away. By now it seemed that every glance from every person was a conviction of my guilt for being too close with this young woman. I know it was probably my imagination ... or rather my inner guilt. But if a waitress even glanced back at us while talking to coworkers at the cash register, I felt they must have been talking about us. Walking through a Walmart to pick up a few items one evening, Sara and I momentarily were holding hands. At the same time, a mother picked up a young child that was nearby. And of course, my guilt made me feel like she was protecting her child from the pervert molester that was attracting young children. I know it was not real. But the feeling was very real. For the life of me, I don't know why Sara would put up with it. After dinner, Sara took a quick shower. We had kept the ragtop up on the Z for most of the drive from Pittsburgh, but for dinner and the ride back to the hotel we put the top down. Feeling like the wind and dirt was everywhere, she wanted to freshen up. As she finished, and stepped out to dry off, I got in. As I showered, through the plastic, diamond patterned shower curtain, I could see Sara drying off and primping in the mirror. She pushed her hair back with a u shaped barrette and went into the bedroom. A warm feeling of closeness to her came over me as she came in and out of the bathroom unashamed as I showered. There was a depth of intimacy that it created; openness and connectedness. I finished and started combing through what's left of my thinning hair when I heard her talking on her cell phone. It sounded like her dad again. That was always a mixed up blessing; when her dad called. Sara would get frustrated and angry about the call. But the result was always the best sex! It was almost as if she was letting out her anger through sexual aggression. Talking to her dad made her want to be more in control and self reliant. Which of course turned me on in ways that I can't express. But as I stood combing my hair and getting completely dry, I stopped. I wiped the steam off the mirror and stood looking at myself for the longest time. I was standing naked, looking in a mirror, in bathroom of a hotel room I was sharing with a woman who was not my wife. I thought about the fact that Sara's dad with whom she was now arguing, was probably my same age. I stood there thinking about the unspoken fact that it was crazy to be having this kind of relationship. I rationalized the sex as two consenting adults making a choice. But the reality was, I knew Sara was doing this for reasons that I didn't fully grasp; probably just out of revenge against her father. Then my old reality came crashing in. My wife, god, what would happen to our marriage if she found out? My kids, how would they react to something like this? Damn, Sara is only a few years older than my daughter. My boss! How would Dan take this after he had trusted me for twenty years? All the ramifications of this harmless, little affair started rolling in. There I stood, wondering if what I was experiencing was really love or just the perverted, opportunistic, sexual escapades of a middle aged guy going through mid life crisis. Sara's call ended and I re-emerged from my momentary self evaluation. I write evaluations of financial situations every day. But I couldn't evaluate where I stood right now to save my life. Walking into the bedroom, my white hotel towel still wrapped around my waist, I finally had accepted the fact that this couldn't go on forever. As I rounded the corner, there she stood wearing nothing but a pair of red lace panties. Okay, this can't go on forever. But I'm not crazy.... it certainly could last for one more night!! Hey, we've already established that I'm no saint. ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END As we wrapped up in Dayton, Dan had emailed Sara directly and told her to stop by her mail box at the office in Pittsburgh as soon as we returned. We packed things up and made the return trip to "The Burg". It was a bit hotter and the air conditioning barely kept pace with the heat pounding the soft, beige ragtop roof. Pulling into the parking garage at our Pittsburgh office, you could feel the temperature change, no longer being in the direct, August sun. Sara and I carried our briefcases in and within moments I was decompressing in the comfort of my own office chair, at my own desk. While fumbling through the paperwork and turning on my desktop system, Sara slipped out to get the things from her mail box. She returned and plopped down in a seat across the desk from me. She casually put both feet up on the edge of my desk, placing the pile of mail in her lap. I remember thinking how utterly sexy she looked in this position. Her gorgeous legs highlighted by their position, propped up on my desk. From this angle, there was just a hint of the ability to look up her skirt. God, I guess I am a pervert, but she still turned me on by the little things even if we were sleeping together. Advertisements, junk mail, and wads of unwanted paper went flying past me as she sorted mail in her usual way. And as usual, I had to pick up the missed shots near the waste basket since she really was kindofa bad shot. But as I clicked away at the computer I noticed something.... well actually, I noticed nothing. That nothing was silence. I swiveled around in my office chair to find Sara holding a piece of paper in her hands .. her lips all but silently reading each word. She dropped the letter she was reading and tugged a larger document out of the envelope it was in. Unfolded, I quickly realized what it was. She scanned it, flipping though the pages with an increasing pace. She looked up at me, over the top of her infamous black glasses like she had done hundreds of times before. I gradually broke into a smile and she knew that I knew. Sara was holding a contract for full employment with our company. "You knew?" she darted at me. "Well, I assumed." my reply. But she didn't seem to have the reaction I was anticipating. She stood up, throwing the contract on my desk and began to walk out. In confusion, I picked up the contract to see what was wrong. Only then did I realize that her contract was for full employment - at our Kansas City office. I was saying that 'I assumed', giving her the notion that I knew about an offer in Kansas City. But I truly didn't know she'd get an offer for a city half way across the country. She was now feeling like I was hiding the fact that life as we had experienced it for the last few months, was possibly ending. "Sara, wait, I knew nothing about Kansas City!" As I spoke, I was fitting the pieces of the situation together in my mind. She stopped at the door and leaned against the doorframe with her back to me. "When were you going to tell me?" she whispered. "Did you even try to keep me around here, or just throw me to the curb?" The longer she spoke the more I sensed her frustration. "Sara, it's not like that." But it was becoming clear that to argue this point would only be selfish. Keeping her here in Pittsburgh would be only for my convenience, not her best interest. "You know this is a major opportunity for you. And if we were honest with ourselves, we had to know this 'thing' was going to end eventually." With that her head lilted sideways and leaned on the doorframe along with her body. I walked up behind her, glancing down the hall to see if anyone was around. I came up close behind her and put my hands on her hips. I kissed the back of her head and just held her. Two and a half weeks later she was wrapping up things in Pittsburgh and had just returned from Kansas City where she had been looking for an apartment. The standard practice was to have a farewell party for our interns at the end of their summer internship. While most of the interns were late undergrad or first year masters degree students, Sara was a bit older. And word had gotten out that she had been contracted to take a position with the KC office. All the people she had worked with showed up in the break room for coffee, cake, and the requisite red punch that seems only to be found at graduation parties, wedding receptions, and church socials. The cards and well wishes continued though the late afternoon and into the early evening. Employees filtered out for the day and I returned to my office to collect my things. I sat back in my chair, reflecting on the fact that our little trip to Dayton would be the last time I would experience the pleasure of being with Sara; at least intimately. I could hear the shuffle of feet down the hall, as daily employees transitioned to evening janitorial staff. I closed my eyes, leaning back as far as my chair would permit when I sensed someone's presence. Of course I knew who it was. I could smell the sweet, familiar scent of Sara's perfume. As I opened my eyes, she was moving from the door way to my side of the desk. She sat on the edge of the desk and began playing with the tail end of the long necklace she was wearing that day. It was a nervous habit I've watched her do a hundred times. It was sexy as hell. But we had both come to accept the truth we both knew - we were no longer a couple. She was preparing to move on Monday. So this moment would likely be the end. I know it's not a thing a guy should confess, but I was pretty broken up about it. Hell, I was losing not only a lover, but a very close friend. I really didn't know how I would respond in this moment. But like it or not, that moment had come. She looked at me with those brown eyes that I had come to adore. And with intentional movement, she climbed up on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. She drew me to her lips and with the same awkwardness as our first kiss in the doorway of a hotel room, we kissed. Passionately, sweetly, knowingly, we kissed. She stood to leave and she stopped half way to the door. She was about to speak again when we both heard footsteps in the hallway. It was Dan. Sara didn't finish the thought that was about to be spoken and I guess I'll never know what was on her mind in that moment. But unable to look Dan in the face, she passed by him as he entered my office. She walked out with her hands tucked in her back pockets and I realized I was losing my best friend at work. Dan quickly caught on to the emotion of this moment. Sternly he asked, "Is there something I should know about?" "Not today." I said as I leaned on one elbow in my chair and looked away from him. CHAPTERS OF LIFE "How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode." ― W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil Sara walked out of my office to move on with her life. My life has never been the same. After moving to Kansas City for the first few weeks we spoke almost hourly. Cell calls, literally hundreds of emails, and the occasional SKYPE connection made it seem as if we still worked side by side. But the calls faded off a bit, the emails slowed to an occasional contact. At least once a week we'd spend an hour talking by phone or SKYPE, catching up on life. Sometimes, out of the blue, we'll carry on a volley of text messages that go back and forth for hours. When anything of any importance took place in our lives, we'd call each other. Sadly, I would call her before I'd call my wife. One of those moments of importance was my 50th birthday. My wife had planned a small gathering of friends. My son surprised me by flying home from college for the weekend to join us. And yet I spend a large portion of the day texting Sara. I even slipped away to my home office to SKYPE with her for about a half hour. She jokingly came on the SKYPE screen wearing one of my favorite lingerie outfits for me. "The best birthday gift a 50 year old could get", I told her. Within a few weeks of being separated by several states, our affair had returned to a very comfortable friendship. While it was obvious we couldn't continue a sexually intimate relationship, the intimacy of our friendship didn't seem to change. Dan on the other hand was a completely different story. I arrived back at the office late one afternoon following an extended trip to work through a federal grant consultation a few weeks after Sara's departure. As I walked into our office area, Brenda was waiting for me. While Brenda's New England upbringing made her difficult to read sometimes, tonight she was even more stoic. "Jim, Dan wants to see you tonight. I was instructed to have you go to his office before you even unpack." Brenda stated quietly. "What's it about?" I asked. "He knows." Brenda replied. While I had never really admitted anything to Brenda, we both knew what she meant. I'm sure the gossip around the office was pretty thick over the summer months. I guess I had assumed that everything had blown over now that Sara was gone. But apparently I was wrong. Knocking on Dan's door, I entered slowly. Dan was behind his desk. He didn't look up at me. "Close the door." he stated firmly. God, this wasn't going to be easy. "You wanted to see me tonight?" I asked. "Damn straight I want to see you!" He replied firmly. He threw a file folder on his desk. Not out of anger, but firmly enough to show he was upset. "Just what the hell were you thinking?" he continued. "What are you talking about?" I asked somewhat sheepishly. In part, I didn't want to confess to things he didn't know about just yet. "Don't even start... just don't even start fucking with me. What the hell were you thinking?" He stood up, and gave me the coldest look I had ever received from him. His usual calm demeanor wasn't present tonight. For the next hour I got the strongest chewing out of my adult life. Fears that Sara could have sued us and concerns that the human resources director would discover our little affair, now overshadowed our friendship. Then came the questions about my recommendations for Sara's full employment. My boss and close friend for a couple of decades now, began to believe that my recommendation might have been motivated by my personal interests more than by Sara's ability. I returned to my office, surprised to see that Brenda was still there. It was well past 5:30. She was sitting on the edge of her desk fumbling through some junk mail advertisements that she had collected in her lap. "Still here?" I asked meekly. "Yep." She tossed the mail on the desk and stood up. In a very uncharacteristic move, she came over to me, walked around me, then paused to look me over; mostly at my back. "Well, Dan did it. He chewed your ass completely off." She said sarcastically. "Damn it Brenda." I said in mild frustration. All she could do was laugh at me. "Okay, I admit it. I've been anticipating this blow up for weeks." She said through her laughter. "What? You knew about .. things?" I asked. "Come on, Jim. You think I'm blind? You two would flight through here like two teenagers trying to keep a secret. And the way you'd look at her. You'd have to be utterly oblivious to not notice what was going on." She lectured. She grabbed her coat and slid her arms into the sleeves. As she tied the waist belt around her, she asked, "So how long will you be gone?" As a result of that meeting with Dan, I was "given time off". In most circles that is considered a bonus. But in our world, everyone knew what it meant. As essentially an independent contractor, my contract with the company can be altered by my employer if needed. So as a penitence for my little affair, Dan reduced my contract for the rest of that year. Let's just say, I was unemployed for four weeks of the last quarter, offering me time to "get my act together." The Sara Chronicles Even after my banishment, my freedom to select specific jobs, cities, and team members ended abruptly. I found myself being thrown to shitty little cities with routine audits. (God, how I hate Toledo Ohio!) And now my traveling team has been staffed strictly with men. I guess what hurts most is that Dan and I had worked so closely together through the years that we had a built a mutual respect for each other. That trust was broken and our friendship has never been the same. I poured my passions into my photography as a way of compensating for the void that seemed to be present. I took my "time off" and attended the photography workshop trip to Colorado that Leonard had been planning. Shooting became a great way to vent my frustrations of being alone again. I took day trips to shoot the nearby mountains of western Pennsylvania and West Virginia. And I took more time with my family and tried to rebuild the neglected relationships. Gradually life began returning to a normal pace. The excitement of the affair was over; slipping thorough hotel hallways to meet up in her room, the flirtatious glances over the rim of her glasses, the warmth of her body leaning against me while watching a movie, and yes even the sex. The excitement was gone, yet oddly enough the overshadowing stress of hiding all of this was over too. SAN ANTONIO: LEADERSHIP TRAINING I truly hate these things. Each February there is a corporate meeting for people holding my job classification within our company. It's usually held at a great resort location. We've been to a great place in San Francisco, a golf resort in Orlando, a lodge setting outside Denver, and a historic hotel in Santa Fe. There are about 30 of us at these meetings each year. But it's not the setting in which I find myself most comfortable. There were formal banquets, guest speakers, updates on legal matters, new software possibilities and dialogue sessions on 'best practices' all overshadowed by the presence of corporate leadership. This year we were in San Antonio, Texas. Right on the River Walk area, the hotel was spectacular. I had stayed there before and knew that each room was a suite with a small kitchen, living room area, and bedroom. It made staying a full week there, a bit more enjoyable. I found my room, unpacked my luggage, and changed quickly into a suit for the formal dinner that would take place in an hour. At least the food at these things had historically been pretty good. So I started down the elevator anticipating the camaraderie of friends that I had known for years. The elevator doors opened on the banquet hall level of the hotel. A handful of attendees were circling the area, having a drink, and telling stories. But then someone caught my attention. Next to the registration table. It couldn't be, but yet it was. There was Sara. God, she looked great. We tried not to let our excitement show when she saw me come in. But it was evident. We're no longer a couple but maybe, just maybe, I still had my friend. Sara was stunningly beautiful this evening. So much so that it caught me off guard, taking my breath away. She wore a dark beige dress that was a mix of linen and lace. The skirt was flared with a satin tip and fell just above the knee. The lace overlay was classic but the scooped neckline was utterly flirtatious. While I knew Sara was a gorgeous woman, this dress only confirmed it. It dawned on me that I had never seen her in anything but her typical work clothes. The sight of her dressed as an elegant woman was awe-inspiring. Her hair was done in curls lying gently on her shoulders. Her simple silver earrings glistened as the light struck them. She could see from my expression the pleasure her attire brought. I couldn't hide pleasure of seeing her again, even if I wanted to. Glancing around to see if anyone in our group was really paying attention to our presence, Sara came quickly to my side. And the moment we embraced, a flood of warmth seemed to wash over me. The aroma of her perfume was so completely comforting to my soul. "Sara, what are you doing here?" I asked, still in a bit of amazement. "Henry came down with the flu and the brass at KC decided to let me come in his place." She grinned as she spoke. The excitement of being a part of the leadership team meetings, even if only as a proxy, was clearly controlling her. Her voice was a bit giddy with the anticipation. "Why didn't you tell me?" I mused. "What, you don't like my little surprise?" she asked in her typically sarcastic tone. "Of course, but.." But what? How would knowing have changed anything. If we had known and Dan would have found out, I probably wouldn't have been sent to the meeting. Either way, it was a fabulous surprise. Taking her by the hand, I glanced over her outfit. "God, Sara, you look fantastic. I've never seen you all dressed up before." "You don't look half bad yourself. I've always liked that suit." She said as she patted my chest. Of course she liked the suit. She picked it out for me while we were walking around a mall one evening on one of our trips just eight months earlier. "I hope you don't mind, but I was talking to Renee over at the registration desk. I was able to get the seating changed so that I could sit at your table." Sara once again, taking charge. "Of course I don't mind." I replied. There was a moment of silence between us. I looked into her eyes and got the sense that she had been planning this all along. "Well, let's go in. I need you to introduce me to a few of these people." She said, taking my arm and turning toward the banquet room. A waiter escorted us to the table with our name cards. I was somewhat relieved when I looked around the table and discovered that we were seated with a younger group of consultants. Most of them knew me as one of the old timers. But we all knew each other. So the awkwardness of introductions was made a bit easier; although there were some raised eyebrows at the friend seated with me. It didn't take long for the corporate gossip to start. Through the preliminary moments as people were arriving, gossip about who was retiring, what changes are ahead, and who just might be pregnant, filled the conversation. We mingled for a while as I introduced Sara to others informally. Several of the men were heading to the bar to get drinks. I got up too and asked Sara, "Would you like me to get you something to drink?" "I'll have a white wine" she replied. I started to follow the other guys when I paused. Placing my hand on Sara's shoulder I leaned down and turned away so others couldn't hear. I jokingly whispered in her ear, "You are old enough to drink, right?" She closed her eyes and suppressed her laughter. In a clearly sarcastic tone, with her teeth clinched - not moving her lips as a ventriloquist, she replied, "You know I'm 26, asshole." Damn she was so much fun to be around. The playful banter was so refreshing. I had forgotten just how much fun it was to be with someone I was in love with. We had a great time chatting with the group as dinner progressed, joking about the retirees, and making underhanded comments only our table could hear in response to a few of the speakers. The buffet was better than normal banquet food and the atmosphere was fantastic. Sara seemed to enjoy being brought into the conversation and she certainly could hold her own. All in all, the night was wonderful. I hadn't had this much fun in years. After dinner, I walked Sara to her room. She pushed the door open, just expecting me to follow. Almost as if it were a practiced move, she kicked each of her high heels off with each step. "Damn, it's good to get out of those things. You guys invented those to control women." "Well, we invented them but not to control women. We invented them because it makes your legs look so damn hot." She shot back, "I guess that's why we women invented speedos." She was running her fingers through her hair, shaking it out a bit to relax from the formality of the evening. Whether she had intended it to be or not, the movement was pretty erotic. With her arms raised to run through her hair, the short skirt raised all the more, showing me her lovely legs that were now completely bare right down to her toes. Walking past the coffee table, she took a remote and turned on the TV. Bloomberg Business report was giving a breakdown of the European FTSE markets as the screen came to life. She threw herself on the couch and let out, "Shew, glad I didn't screw that up!" It seemed she was a bit unsure of herself in the social setting of a formal dinner. "What? What do you mean? No, you were fabulous." I reassured. "I was just worried that I'd say something or do something that might embarrass you." she confessed. In all my excitement of seeing her again, I had forgotten that for her, attending a corporate training retreat was a new experience. "God, are you kidding? You were marvelous. I couldn't have asked for anything more from a dinner companion." I said. "Oh... so now I'm just a dinner companion?" she grabbed my attention. Her question hung in the air like a heavy fog with no place to land. "Come on Sara, you know what I mean. In these circles, we can't let on what happened last summer." I tried to climb out of the hole I was digging, but I hadn't felt this awkward around a woman since high school. For some strange reason, Sara gets to me and turned me into mush. "Wow. Sweep a girl off her feet, why don't you..." She shot back in a mildly sarcastic tone. She sat up a bit on the couch. Crossing her legs, she began massaging her foot from the hours of confinement in high heels. "So just what do you think happened last summer?" "I guess we never really dissected the reality of your summer in Pittsburgh." I sat down next to her. For the first time in quite a while, things seemed to be awkward between us. She turned from the TV to look at me, taking my hand she spoke, "Let's grab a beer. There's some in the fridge. Sorry but that's about all I have." "Oh, you're saying you wish you had a strong drink after having to hang around me all night?" I shot back. She gave me the 'geez' look and walked over to the kitchenette. I took my jacket off and hung it on back of a chair before following her to the fridge. I loosened my tie a bit and leaned back against the counter as she searched through the refrigerator. She was bending over slightly as she searched in the glowing light inside the refrigerator. For a moment, her right foot rose slightly to rub against the back of her left calf. In this light her legs were gorgeous. I leaned back putting my hands on the counter behind me, soaking in the view. Pulling two Rolling Rocks out of the light, she handed me one by the neck. I took it and thanked her as I twisted the cap and laid it on the counter behind me. The cold beer tasted great after the long day of airlines, baggage claim, taxies, and hotels. I was leaning against the largest section of the counter in this very small kitchen. After Sara took a long hard swig of her beer, she reached around me to place it on the counter to my left. She was standing in front of me and placed one hand on my chest to steady herself as she leaned toward me, reached around me to set her bottle down. She pushed against my chest to stand up fully again, and she looked me straight in the eye. Without losing eye contact, she slid one foot between my feet and kicked my right foot slightly. She playfully swayed a bit letting the flair of her dress twirl slightly, but I got what she was asking. I liked this flirtatious side of her personality. I spread my stance a bit and without hesitation, she stepped up closer to me, standing between my legs as I leaned back against the counter. The stark light from the single recessed lamp above the sink, cast shadows across her lovely body. She wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her body against mine. She tilted her head and placed her cheek against my shoulder. Her hair pressed against my chin and I could smell the fragrance of her perfume. I gently reached around her and drew her close to me. "I've really missed you." I whispered as I kissed the top of her head. "It's been pretty lonely in Kansas." she stated dryly. We stood there for an eternity. Just holding each other. God, it was ecstasy to hold a woman in my arms again. As I held her closely to my body, my right hand caressed the small of her back, just above the curve of her hips. Her warmth was so sensual that I lost all perspective as I pressed her body against me. I could feel her hips striking against mine, seductively and gently shifting against my body with the full intent of arousal. And it was working. I knew I was now becoming aroused and by the fact that she was mildly grinding against my now erect cock; she had to know I was aroused. I dropped my hand lower to hold her ass in my hand. As I cupped her ass, I could feel the gentle movement as she was obviously enjoying what she was doing to me. It was subtle, but undeniable by either of us; we both knew we were enjoying this. "Should we be opening this door again?" I asked. "As far as I'm concerned, the door never closed." She whispered as she gave me a soft kiss. With my left hand I ran my fingers through her hair as her head lay once again against my shoulder. She rose up slightly pulling away from our embrace with her torso but not her hips. I gently ran the palm of my hand across her cheek. I could feel her smile against my palm. And with that simple acknowledgement that it was okay, I slid my fingers through her hair again and drew her head toward me. I didn't ask or discuss the issue. I was so sexually excited it would have been difficult to stop. I just couldn't help myself any longer. The pent up sexual tension having been apart from her for so many months, began to explode like a dam that was crumbling as the water broke free. I kissed her. I blew past the simple, 'test the waters' kiss that a guy gives just to see if it's okay with the woman he's with. I skipped the sweet, playful foreplay kiss that brings arousal; we were already there. I just kissed her deeply. I don't know what I would have done if she had denied me. Honestly, I'm not sure that I even cared; I was going to kiss her with or without her permission at this point. But gratefully she didn't deny me. She held on with one arm that was still around my waist. But the moment she drew her other hand around my neck and began to pull me into her with the same abandonment I was feeling; I knew the same passion we had shared over the summer had not died. The subtle movements of her hips that I had felt as my hand gently cupped her ass, were now more exaggerated. She was pressing her hips against mine, grinding against my erection with abandonment. She pulled her lips away from mine for a second to catch her breath. I kissed along her cheek and she turned her head to let me; making it even easier to kiss her ear and along her neck. Sara let her hand that was around my neck slide across my shoulder to my chest and she pushed off. The innocent grin on her face was in stark contradiction to the sensual movements of our embrace. It's not my typical nature to be so aggressive. But I took her hand and turned to lead her back to the couch. She followed not knowing 'where' I was leading. But we both knew 'what' I was leading her to. She reached over to the wall and turned off the harsh light of the overhead fixture, leaving a gentle glow from the small TV in the corner. Standing near the couch, we embraced again, picking up right where we left off. As we began kissing again, I reached around behind her. Again without asking, I began to unzip her dress. With every inch of the zipper's movement from the center of her shoulder blades to the small of her back, she kissed me even more deeply. Once opened, my hand slid in to feel the warmth of her bare back. Her dress began to slide off her shoulders. She moved slightly away from me, letting the dress fall completely to the floor. Without breaking our kiss she stepped out of the dress. I suddenly could feel her hands fumbling at my belt buckle. I welcomed that feeling without question. As my hands explored her bare back, I reached the waistband of her panties. I could feel the lace as we kissed. As my fingers gently explored I could feel Sara's bare ass. The panties must have been those sexy kind that exposed her ass. God, the thought that she was wearing these all evening at dinner was so electrifying. The thought that she may have worn them just for me was even more intoxicating. But I didn't have time to dwell on the thought. At that very moment, she slid her hand inside my pants and gripped my cock. The feeling made my eyes roll back in my head. It was so astounding that I just stood there and took in the experience of feeling her take my pants off. But I wanted more; much more. I didn't mean for it to be forceful but my sexual drive at this point was in overload. I pushed her shoulders causing her to fall backward onto the couch. I meant it to be a playful shove, but I was so worked up that I'm not sure if it came across that way. Sara sat, a bit stunned at first, but then slouching back against the couch as I stood before her. I playfully slid my foot between her feet and grinned as I gently tapped the inside of one of her feet. Her innocent smile from a few moments ago became markedly less innocent as she spread her legs in front of me. It was only then that I took a full look at her gorgeous body. Her white lace bra barely covered her gorgeous breasts. The bra was just tight enough that it caused her breast to press lightly together forming the most beautiful cleavage a guy could ever want. Her panties matched the bra. They were nothing more than a wide band around her hips with a narrower band that fell between her legs. It was almost like she enjoyed the fact that I was studying her beauty. I looked intently at her panties. She knew I was studying her beauty. She intentionally spread her legs a bit more in a mildly exhibitionist shift of her hips. Kneeling down in front of her, I ran my hands along her legs. God, it had been so long since I enjoyed her. Flashes of the nights we had shared together went raging through my brain. I didn't linger there. I couldn't. Living in the moment, I went straight for the waistband of her panties and began to tug them off. She apparently didn't mind. She raised her hips to help me pull them off. Lifting her legs seductively she put her lovely knees together, and let me tug the unneeded panties off. As I tossed them aside, she let me experience again her display of unashamed sexuality as she tantalizingly spread her legs. She was freshly trimmed to perfection with just enough pubic hair to know she was a woman. The thought that she had planned this night, she had prepared herself for me, was sweetly satisfying. I ran my forefinger through the softness of her pubic hair, letting my fingers fall gently just above the hint of marks on her skin where her panties had pressed against the soft flesh all evening. She must have enjoyed the feeling. She closed her eyes and let me play with her hair for a moment before she slid her hand up to drape it across her own breast. Using my thumb, I gently pushed up ward on the patch of pubic hair. She knew what was coming. I knew just how much she enjoyed oral sex. She slid her hips to the edge of the couch, all but telling me she wanted my mouth on her pussy. She was begging me to satisfy her like that night on the balcony. Her pussy was absolutely beautiful. With one gentle lick, her angel wings were parted and the soft texture of her labia was against my tongue. I explored her exquisite body with my tongue. But as I push a bit more firmly along her pelvic bone with my thumb, her legs began to shiver. I could see that pushing upward on her mound caused her clitoris to be partially exposed and being exposed seemed to drive her wild.