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Staring at the Sun Ch. 01

By: janiexx



Chapter 1, Friday

Author's Note: This is a very "English" story and I hope that I don't alienate any non-UK readers. It is also a story about relationships and marriage, and if anyone is looking for a quick stroke story, then this is not for you. I would welcome any constructive feedback or criticism. I place a lot of value on readers' opinions, so please tell me what you think. I will do my utmost to keep the chapters coming without delay.

Thank you very much.

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"Are you sure you want to take all this stuff?" My husband frowned at me as he held out the iron, a look of intense irritation on his face.

"We might need it," I replied, turning my back on him and going into the house. I heard him mutter something as he tried in vain to stuff it into the boot of the car which was already packed tight with suitcases, bags and two huge pillows.

"For God's sake, Louise! When did you put those in?" he shouted as I disappeared into the kitchen, trying desperately to remember whether I had packed the travel plug or not.

This holiday was supposed to be a chance for some relaxation, a break without the children and a time when we could rekindle the romance of our younger days. The build-up, however, had been fraught with tensions and stress and I secretly believed that we would have been better if we'd stayed at home and sent the children away.

I gazed out of the window at the garden, which had been neatly mowed and weeded. I had been cleaning and tidying for days in preparation for my parents who were coming to stay to look after our children. My husband, in turn, had spent the last few weeks grumbling about the time he'd had to take off work, the expense, the wear and tear on the family car

We were due to catch an early evening ferry from Dover with a first stop near Calais and I glanced at my watch. My parents would be here any minute and I still had the downstairs toilet to clean. I collected the cleaning things from the utility room and watched as my husband wandered into the kitchen, a look of puzzlement on his face.

"Have you seen the maps?" he asked. "I put them on the kitchen table."

I stared at him. "Nope, they're your job, Richard. I'm in charge of packing."

Another look of irritation and he ran his fingers through his hair. "Bloody hell! You've not seen them at all?"

I pushed past him and made my way to the cloakroom where I attacked the loo with the brush.

"Louise!"

"What?" I asked, not bothering to look up at him.

"Are you going to help me here?"

"Help you with what?"

"The bloody maps! They were there a minute ago!"

"Why don't you go and look in the car? You probably put them there when you were loading up."

He turned and strode down the hallway, his shoulders set with anger. I wondered what had happened to my easy-going, laid back husband. Just lately he seemed to find fault with everything and never had a good word for anyone. The children had taken to staying out of his way and it was a relief when he went to work early every morning.

I finished the cloakroom and took a last look at the living room. It was unnaturally tidy, no newspapers spread over the coffee table, no toys littering the floor. A vase of fresh flowers stood on the windowsill and I had a sudden urge to cancel the holiday and stay at home. The thought of being away from the children was upsetting me more than I had realised and two weeks away with my husband would be a test of endurance, I was sure.

In the kitchen I found Richard poring over a large map of northern France, the perpetual frown marring his otherwise handsome features. At 42 he was maturing well, the grey flecks in his hair making him look distinguished rather than old. Tall and broad-shouldered, he had aroused my interest when he came to work for my parents in the family business and I had fallen in love with him within weeks. We'd had a long and passionate courtship and then a huge family wedding. Everything had seemed perfect.

And it was. We had everything we wanted. The requisite two children, (one of each), a charming old house in a sought-after village and two newish cars. Richard was now a partner in the firm and I had taken a back seat, happy for him to make decisions and run the company with my parents who were nearing retirement age. We should both be happy, but there was something missing...Perhaps this holiday would fulfil the vital piece.

"Are you ready?"

I nodded and checked the passports and travel documents again. The children were playing in the garden and I glanced at my watch. "Mum and Dad should be here any minute. Is there anything you want to tell them?"

"No, I don't think so," he replied folding the map and putting it into a small travel bag. "Have they got a list of where the children need to be?"

I sighed. "Yes, it took me bloody ages to write it all down. I didn't realise we did so much with them."

"Hmm, well, your choice."

I glanced at the list stuck to the fridge door. Lily aged ten and Matt aged six had a busier life than we did. Almost every night was involved with some sort of extra-curricular activity and sometimes I felt overwhelmed with all the plans I had to make and the mental lists I carried around with me.

"They're here."

I felt my stomach contract with nerves and ran my fingers through my hair. Outside I could hear my father's deep voice as he spoke to Richard who laughed out loud. My mother appeared at the door and smiled at me, her warm and lovely face making me feel that twinge of homesickness again.

"How are you, love?" she asked. "All set?"

"Oh, I think so. Just the last mad scramble to load the car."

"Just be careful, Louise. Richard drives so fast at times."

"I know. Don't worry, mum, we'll take our time. We're in no rush."

She looked at me with concern and I went over and hugged her to me. "I'll miss you. Get the kids to phone me every night, can you?"

She nodded and we made our way out into the garden for me to say goodbye. The children were ecstatic about their grandparents looking after them, and after a kiss and a hug from me, dragged my mother off to look at some snail they had found cowering in the border.

I took one last look and went to find Richard. He was deep in conversation with my father, the map spread out on the bonnet of the car, his face more animated than I had seen for a long time.

"Shall we go?" I asked and hugged my father.

"Yes, of course, I'll just say goodbye to the children.

I watched as he strode towards the garden and sighed. "How're things, Dad?"

My father looked at me and smiled. "Oh, they're fine. You just go and have a good holiday. And bring me back some lovely wine, OK?"

I laughed. "It's a deal! We're going to Burgundy so there's bound to be something you'll like."

"I should think so! Just go careful. Those bloody French drivers!"

I agreed. It had always been a tradition to drive to Europe when I was a child and I had vivid memories of endlessly long autoroutes and straight roads bordered by trees.

"Where are you stopping tonight?"

"At a little hotel near Calais. A friend recommended it and we thought we'd be too tired to drive far."

Richard appeared from the garden followed by my mother. "All set?"

I nodded and took one last look at my parents. They seemed so capable and caring and I knew I should be delighted at the prospect of two weeks of freedom but I couldn't help wishing that I was staying at home with them.

With a banging of car doors we had gone, reversing down the drive and waving goodbye. I glanced at the sky and saw towering masses of storm clouds gathering overhead. All day it had been threatening rain and now I guessed we would have a torrential downpour on the motorway. The air was heavy and sultry, the atmosphere swollen with moisture and I felt as if the pressure was building up to dangerous levels before it would explode, crashing down on us with the full force of its anger.

"You're quiet. Are you OK?"

I glanced at my husband as he drove, his face set with concentration. "Yes, of course. Just trying to think if we've left anything behind."

He grunted. "Well, the bloody boot's full. What more did you want to take?"

"Oh, I don't know. I always like to take more than we need. It's so easy with the car."

"Well, don't forget the wine. I promised your dad a couple of cases."

"A couple of cases? When?"

"Just now. He wants some red."

I sighed and Richard glanced at me. "Is that a problem?"

"No, not at all. It's just that he's supposed to be cutting down on the wine. His blood pressure's up again."

Richard shrugged and I thought back to the last time my father had gone to see his GP. He had been told to take things easy for a while and relax. The pressures of the business were beginning to show and I'd expected Richard to help with making sure he was following the doctor's advice.

"Leave it, Louise. The poor bloke works hard enough as it is. Surely a couple of bottles of good Burgundy won't hurt?"

"You're right." I hadn't the energy to argue and stared out of the window at the passing scenery with a feeling of resignation. Now I had taken a back seat in the business, I felt as if my opinion counted for nothing. 

Richard put his hand on mine and I looked at him in surprise. "Let's relax. The kids are in good hands, we've got two weeks of travelling planned and I've decided to enjoy it."

"I thought you didn't want to go?"

"Well, maybe I didn't, but what the hell. Let's make the most of it, shall we?"

I tried to smile, but inside I felt the beginnings of homesickness grow. I missed the children. I wanted to turn around and see them sitting in the back, their faces alight with excitement.

*

The first set of road works held us up for nearly an hour. Richard's good mood had disappeared and he slammed his fist into the steering wheel in frustration.

"This is bloody ridiculous!"

"What time's the ferry?"

Richard glanced at his watch and groaned. "It leaves at 6.30, but we need to be there by 6pm to check in."

I sat still as he manoeuvred around a clump of stationary traffic, his knuckles white with tension. "We're never going to make it."

Ahead of us I could see dozens of brake lights, a dazzling splash of red in the murk that had descended. It had been raining steadily for half an hour now and the rhythmic thump of the windscreen wipers was hypnotic. My day had been crammed full of packing, cleaning and sorting the children and I felt a deep tiredness sweep over me. The thought of a strange hotel and an unfamiliar bed made sudden tears spring to my eyes.

"What happens if we miss the ferry?"

"How the hell do I know?" my husband yelled, causing the driver behind to sound his horn as Richard cut in front of him. "We should have left earlier."

I looked at him in surprise. "But you said you had things to do at work...it was your idea to leave so late."

Richard shrugged and turned the radio on. "OK, so I was wrong. It's allowed isn't it?"

I ignored him and picked up my mobile. Dialling our home number I heard my daughter answer.

"Hello, sweetheart. Is everything OK?"

"Hello, Mummy! We're making pizza!"

I smiled as I imagined my mother in the kitchen, the children spreading tomato sauce onto the pizza bases, both of them excited as they made their own tea.

"Is nanny there?"

I heard the phone being dropped and then my mother was on the line. "How's it going?"

"Terrible," I answered. "We're stuck."

I heard Richard groan and I glanced at him as he ran his fingers through his hair, the familiar look of irritation once again marring his regular features.

"Where are you?"

"Um," I glanced at the motorway signs. "Not far from the M25 I think. But that's snarled up as well."

I heard my mother sigh and knew that she would be worrying. I had told her of the difficulties we were going through and I knew she had hoped the holiday would be stress free – two weeks of relaxation that would go some way to mending our broken marriage. 

"What will you do if you miss the ferry?"

"I don't know. Get an early one tomorrow I expect."

The traffic had begun to move, and Richard moved out into the fast lane, his foot pressed down hard on the accelerator pedal. I swallowed my nerves and tried to relax as our BMW swept through the spray on the roads, the windscreen wipers sliding furiously across the soaked window.

"We're moving," I informed my mother. "I'll call you when we get to Dover."

"Please go careful," I urged my husband as I saw the speedometer creep up to ninety miles an hour. "If we're late we can get another ferry."

Richard ignored me and flashed his lights at a poor Honda which had dared to slow his progress. "Bloody drivers," he muttered as the offending car was overtaken with a surge of speed. 

I looked at my husband and wondered what was going through his mind. His face was set with determination and his hands gripped the steering wheel like a man possessed. We churned our way through the rain-soaked motorway, scattering cars in our wake. The relaxed and leisurely journey to the south coast port that I had imagined was replaced by a grim journey of speed, my husband watching the clock and seemingly determined to beat the time he had set himself.

I imagined a terrible accident, our children orphaned by his careless driving and the tears appeared again. "Richard, please slow down just a bit. Surely we're going to make it now?"

"I don't know," he answered. "There's always trouble on the bridge at Dartford."

I sighed. Outside the rain continued to fall and I wondered whether I had remembered to pack our raincoats. It had felt so strange to be packing for just the two of us, almost like the holidays before the children came along. We had been so carefree then, taking off for the weekend whenever we felt like it, weeks spent travelling through Germany and France, finding quaint little hotels, making love to each other every minute we could, our need never satisfied...

Now, holidays were marked with stress and arguments. Richard wouldn't hear of travelling by car with the children, so we spent our two weeks on a Spanish island, Minorca usually or Mallorca. I had yearned for the freedom of the open road but we had to settle for planes and being herded about like cattle, our decisions made for us as we were called to board the plane, squeezed in beside people we didn't know.

The comfort of our own car was heaven compared to the squashed seats in economy. We could stop whenever we wanted and the thought of two weeks dawdling through France still had the power to thrill me, despite the bad beginning.

But, glancing at my watch I knew we were never going to make the early evening ferry to France. It was now 5.30pm and we still hadn't made the bridge. A Friday night on the M25 was a recipe for disaster and ahead of us, the red glow of brake lights just confirmed my suspicions.

"This is terrible," I sighed as the traffic slowed yet again. "What the hell do we pay road tax for?"

Richard grunted and turned the radio up. The cheery tones of the presenter made a mockery of the tense atmosphere in our car and he grimaced, his face set with anger and disappointment.

"What are we going to do?"

"How the hell do I know?"

Tears sprung to my eyes again at his brusque tone. Once upon a time he would have squeezed my knee, made a joke of the situation and I turned away from him so he couldn't see the tears in my eyes.

"We'll either have to get a later ferry or try and find a hotel when we get to France, but it could be past ten o'clock at this rate."

I bit my lip. My vision of a long leisurely dinner at the hotel and then an early night were being snatched away from me with every minute that passed. 

I picked up the road atlas and tried to see if there was a way around the traffic, but I knew it was a futile exercise. "It's impossible," I said, sighing and closing the atlas. "We're never going to get there."

The traffic jam lasted another hour and our sailing time came and went. It was 9pm when we finally neared the ferry port of Dover and starting to get dark, the rain and mist adding to the murk.

"There's a sign ahead for a hotel," said Richard, his tone weary and flat. "Shall we see if we can get a room?"

I nodded and he indicated and pulled into a quaint-looking country pub, the warm light spilling out of the leaded windows. The car park was busy and I just hoped they had a room left.

Our enquiries were met with a warm welcome and we managed to get the last room, complete with four-poster bed. We paid dearly for it, but both of us were so exhausted that we would have paid anything for a bed and dinner.

Dumping our overnight bags in the room, we quickly washed and made our way back into the cosy lounge of the pub. Last meal orders were being taken and I suddenly started to relax, a large glass of wine in my hand and the prospect of dinner to come.

Richard took a sip of his pint and stretched out his long legs under the table.

"Not what we had in mind, hey?"

"No, not at all," I said looking around, "but this'll do."

He smiled and looked at me, his face more relaxed now. "A bad start, but let's try and enjoy this, OK?"

"I am!" I exclaimed studying the menu. "I just thought we'd be in France now."

"Well, we're still here so make the most of it. I want to put that four-poster to the test later..."

I looked at my husband in surprise. Sex between us just recently had been almost non-existent but I had hoped the holiday would change things. With some relaxation and warm weather I was anticipating a return of our love life.

I smiled and reached out for his hand. He grinned back and I suddenly thought that the holiday was going to be good after all.

The waitress arrived and took our order and Richard went to the bar for a second drink. He was joined there by a tall man, and I watched the two of them with interest. He was chatting to Richard and my husband laughed out loud, his face animated with mirth. I wondered what the stranger had said to make him react like that.

Richard made his way back over to me, still grinning from his encounter with the other man. "Who was that?" I asked.

"You won't believe this," he replied setting down the drinks. "That was Jake Harper, an old University pal of mine from years back."

"Really?" I looked over at the bar and Jake smiled.

"I've invited him to have dinner with us. Do you mind?"

I hesitated. We were just starting to relax and enjoy each other's company again and I didn't want the atmosphere spoiled.

"Oh, come on, Louise. It's just a quick meal. But the strangest thing is he's driving to France in the morning, too. Can you believe that?"

"On our ferry?"

"Oh, I don't know. He's just bought himself a farmhouse in the Dordogne. Lucky sod!" Richard laughed and I looked up to see Jake standing over us, a smile on his face.

"Hi, nice to meet you." He held out his hand and I took in warm brown eyes and a rugged tanned face. "Richard was a single guy when I last knew him, but I always knew he'd bag a beauty."

I laughed out of politeness, but I suddenly felt uncomfortable. He was staring at me intensely and I wished I'd put some smarter clothes on. My hair, long and wavy, could have done with a wash and I'd forgotten to put my usual perfume on before we came down for dinner.

"Jake, take a seat. We've just ordered but I'll grab the waitress!"

Richard rose to find her and I sat back, my hands gripping the stem of my wine glass."

"Richard tells me you're visiting vineyards?"

"Yes, we're driving through Burgundy first and then hoping to go down to the Rhone Valley."

"Come and stay a couple of nights...I've plenty of room."

"Well," I stammered, instantly dreading the idea, knowing Richard would jump at a chance to visit somewhere for free. I had always hated staying with people and the thought of being with someone I didn't know was even worse.


Staring at the Sun Ch. 01



Jake saw my reluctance and smiled. "I mean it, Louise. It's old and ramshackle but there are six bedrooms. You wouldn't be in my way."

"Well, thank you, it's very kind of you to offer."

"Plus, Richard and I have lots to catch up on."

I sipped my drink and Richard returned, accompanied by the waitress. She was looking pink and her eyes sparkled and I knew she had been exposed to my husband's considerable charm. A trait he managed to turn on and off at will.

Once the food and wine had been ordered Richard and Jake settled down for a long talk, their reminisces of University life meaning nothing to me. It had been ages since I had seen my husband so happy and I felt a twinge of sadness that his life at the moment caused him so much stress. I was largely ignored but I felt Jake's eyes on me time and again as he tried to include me in the conversation. At one point I slipped out to telephone my mother, her warm tones making me feel tearful again. I realised I was tired and hoped that a good night's sleep would help me feel more optimistic in the morning.

When I returned, Jake looked at me warmly. "So tell us about the family, Louise."

I smiled and glanced at Richard who waved his hands at me. "It's all credit to my wife, Jake. She's wonderful."

I couldn't believe my ears. My husband rarely paid me compliments and I knew that this was just an image for Jake's benefit. He was playing the successful, happy family man, revelling in the idea of himself as an indulgent daddy.

"Well," I paused and returned Jake's gaze. "We're very lucky. Two beautiful children, a lovely house in a quiet village. You know how it is."

He took a gulp of his beer. "Actually I don't, Louise. My wife's threatening to divorce me and I never see my kids."

Richard spluttered over his pint and laughed. "Yeah, Jake. I don't believe you."

"It's all true." But he grinned and winked as he met my eyes.

"Come on then, Jake. Tell us what you've been doing the last twenty years."

"Oh, not much really." He leaned back in his chair and smiled. "Made a fortune, and lost it...made it again."

Richard looked interested. "That sounds a bit dodgy!"

Jake laughed and I couldn't help smiling. He seemed so relaxed and content and I envied him his lifestyle.

"Tell us about your farmhouse, Jake."

Over the meal, he told us the story of finding an old house buried deep in the French countryside, surrounded by fields of poppies and ancient vineyards.

"It's truly beautiful but it needs a hell of a lot of work doing to it. My wife thinks I'm mad to buy it..."

"Is she there now?"

He looked at me and smiled. "No, I can't drag her away from London very often. She's going to join me in a couple of weeks. If she can be bothered."

A look of pain crossed his face briefly and I wondered at the true nature of their relationship. 

"She just wants to turn it into some upmarket version of our London house and I want it to remain French. I guess she'll win."

"So, how many children do you have?" I took another sip of my wine and listened as he told us about his three children.

"They're away at school at the moment but I'm hoping they'll come with their mother when she flies over. I don't see enough of them."

"Boarding school?" I asked, wondering what he did to be able to afford fees for three children.

"Yeah, they're boarders and I miss them like hell, but it's a family tradition. They seem happy enough."

I thought back to my two, and though there were times when I wished for a break, the thought of them away at school was unbearable.

I yawned, the long day finally catching up with me. "I'm going to go to bed," I told Richard. "Sorry." I looked at Jake and smiled. "It's been great to meet you. I do remember Richard mentioning you and the scrapes you both used to get into."

Jake laughed and stood to kiss me goodbye. "You're welcome at the house, don't forget. I'll give Richard my mobile number and you can let me know when you'll be near. It'd be great to see you again for a couple of days."

I thanked him, but inside I dreaded the visit. There was something about Jake that I found very dangerous...

*

I went up to our room, leaving the men to enjoy a post-dinner whisky in peace. My eyes were sore and tired and I yearned for a long hot bath, but made do with a shower instead, the gushing water chasing away the tension in my arms and shoulders. When I emerged from the bathroom, Richard was there, his face alight with goodwill.

"What a coincidence! I can't believe that Jake was here at the same time as us!"

"Hmmm, yes it's a bit strange," I commented as I went to pull on a nightdress from my overnight bag.

"Hey, don't bother with that," Richard said softly, making his way towards me. "Remember what I said about trying this bed out?"

I felt that flicker of surprise again as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. I felt so tired but some slow sleepy sex would perhaps put the day back onto a better footing.

"I remember," I murmured and ran my fingers lightly down his back. He shivered and kissed me again, his tongue parting my lips and pushing inside, seeking the warm softness of my mouth.

"It's been a long time," he whispered and I nodded. I could feel his erection through his trousers and sensed the old familiar twist of desire begin to grow within me.

"Let me just have a quick wash and I'll be back," he murmured into my hair and I released him from my embrace, seeing the darkness of his eyes as he kissed me again on the tip of my nose.

The bed was huge and comfortable, the covers heavy and expensive. I pulled back the bedspread and slipped between the cool sheets, sighing in pleasure as I relaxed against the soft pillows. I wondered if we would be able to maintain this luxury throughout France and hoped so. If this was the effect it had on my husband my wishes were on track to be realised. 

I closed my eyes and immediately my head was full of the journey, the stress and the tension we had been feeling all day. Willing myself to relax I stroked my breasts, enjoying their fullness and feeling that tingle again. I heard the toilet flush and water running and then Richard appeared at the door, a towel wrapped around his waist. 

"Do you want anything to drink?"

I looked at him, my hands still making lazy circles around my erect nipples. "No, I'm fine. Come to bed now."

He grinned and let the towel fall to the floor, his erection standing proud as he made his way around the bed and climbed in.

"Leave the light on," I said and pushed the covers back so he could see my breasts and the soft curves of my stomach. 

We settled into our easy familiarity, his hands exploring my body, knowing just where to stroke, his lips warm on mine, while I ran my fingers over his velvety hardness.

As I opened my legs and he slipped inside, I closed my eyes and concentrated on the pleasure he gave me, our movements in perfect unison as he took me on a journey of delight, my sighs and moans sounding loud in the quietness of the room.

He came before me, his face twisted with the pleasure he felt and I pushed back at him as he erupted inside me, his warm juices filling me up and satisfying that yearning that had been a constant companion over the last few months.

He relaxed finally and apologised. "Sorry, love. It's been a while and after today..." He rolled over, his fingers searching out my wet vagina and stroking my swollen lips before probing inside.

"Come for me, Louise. Please."

My fingers found their way to my clitoris and I rubbed in small circles as Richard's fingers glided in and out, his eyes closed in concentration. With my left hand I pinched one of my nipples and the feeling ran straight to my groin, accelerating the orgasm that hadn't been far away when he had climaxed. I cried out my husband's name but a sudden image of Jake filled my head as I came, a thought that was as shocking as it was unexpected.

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Chapter 2 will follow very soon. Please tell me what you think. All comments will be answered and I appreciate all feedback.



Staring at the Sun Ch. 02



Chapter 2, Saturday

I stared at the mass of congealed scrambled egg and felt my stomach turn. It was early and Richard and I had been lucky enough to get on the 7am ferry to Calais, our only penalty for being late a small surcharge.

It was a beautiful day and the sun was already hot by the time we drove onto the huge cross-channel ferry, the air full of diesel smells and the oily sea. Breakfast was the first event on my husband's agenda and I listened as he flirted with one of the cafeteria staff.

He was in good form this morning and although he hadn't mentioned Jake to me, I knew that soon enough the subject would be raised. We carried our plates over to a table by the window and sat down on the hard bench-like seats.

"How do you feel this morning?" Richard asked, pouring out coffee for us both. "I have to say I feel great. Slept better than I have for ages."

I hid a smile. Maybe it had something to do with the sex and I had to admit we did feel a lot closer after the intimacy of last night. I put the image of Jake firmly out of my head and hoped that Richard would forget the idea of making the detour to the Dordogne.

"How long will it take us to get to Burgundy?" I asked.

"Oh, about five hours, I suppose," Richard replied, munching on a slice of toast. "I'll put my foot down and we can make up for a couple of hours of lost time."

I sat back in my seat and watched my husband finish his breakfast. A slight quiver of anticipation ran through me as I thought of the journey ahead and the hotel we had booked for a couple of nights.

"Anyway, I never asked what you thought of Jake..."

I felt myself blush as I avoided looking at Richard. "Well, he was OK, I suppose. He looked older than you."

"Ah, that might be because he is. About three years I think." Richard looked at me and smiled. "You fancied him, didn't you?"

"Don't be stupid, of course not."

"Oh, Louise, come on...admit it. Good-looking guy, rolling in it by all accounts..."

"Forget it, Richard. OK? I don't find him attractive at all. He's not my type" My husband grinned and I had a sudden urge to hit him. "Well, I've arranged for us to go and visit him at the weekend. I thought it would be good to catch up on old times and the money we save can go towards some more wine."

I felt my stomach flip over with sudden anxiety and dread. The two week break on our own was about to be ruined and even though Richard could sense my annoyance, the silly grin refused to leave his face.

"What's up? I thought you'd be glad of a chance to get to know him better as well."

Through gritted teeth I replied, "I do not want to stay there. Do you understand that?"

"Well, it's all sorted now. His wife's flying over so you won't be alone with him." He sniggered and I stood up.

"I'm going out on deck. I need some fresh air."

"Ok, darling. I'll be in the lounge."

I made my way quickly out onto the sun deck, the tears springing to my eyes as I went. I imagined the two of them last night making a joke of me, my husband laughing as he arranged the visit, knowing full well that I was never comfortable in other people's houses. We never arranged to stay with friends as I hated feeling like an intruder in someone else's house. I was furious with Richard for putting me in this position and for a crazy moment contemplated flying home while he stayed for the weekend. But I knew that would put our marriage on an even more precarious footing and our relationship would deteriorate rapidly. 

Leaning on the deck at the very back of the ferry I watched the white wake churned up by the boat's propellers. It reminded me of a beautiful path over the sea, but with every inch we travelled, I realised I was leaving England behind, and with it everything I held dear.

* We drove in silence for most of the morning, our only words relevant to the journey. Outside, the heat of the June day intensified and although we had air-conditioning in the car, the glare of the sun made us both tired and grumpy by lunchtime. Ahead of us the autoroute shimmered in a heat haze and all my offers to drive were met with refusals.

"I think we should pull off in a minute and find somewhere for lunch," Richard said as I picked up the map. "Find the next exit and then we'll head for the nearest village."

"We're not far from Reims," I said, studying the map, my eyes blurring as I tried to make sense of the lines. "I think there's an exit coming up in a minute."

We pulled off and wound our way through country lanes overflowing with summer flowers, the roads devoid of any traffic. "Is there a village marked?" said Richard with obvious irritation. "Or am I going to travel on aimlessly, just wandering around the French countryside?"

I looked at the map again and twisted it around, trying desperately to see if we were near anywhere of any size. "I think there's a village coming up."

Richard sighed and pressed his foot down hard on the accelerator, his face back to that grim determination I was beginning to recognise.

After a couple of miles of silence, a small village appeared, the church spire rising out of the surrounding fields. It was deserted, the only movement a sly cat moving furtively along a sunny wall. 

"Maybe we should have stopped on the motorway."

"Oh yeah, and paid through the nose for a greasy plate of inedible food?" Richard looked at me and then stopped the car, grabbing the map from me.

"Where are we?"

"There." I pointed to a tiny village on the map and he sighed.

"God, this looks like a desolate little place. We'll have to turn around and see if we can find somewhere else."

"Why don't I drive and then you can navigate?" I said sweetly through clenched teeth.

"Just look at the map, Louise! It's not bloody hard!"

With a squeal of tyres he reversed and headed back in the direction we had come. The sun beat down on the car, making me squint as I stared out of the window. I rummaged in my bag for my sunglasses and instead pulled out a toy car of my son's, a lump in my throat as I pictured his sweet face. 

My hands were trembling when I put my glasses on, and Richard noticed. "Oh hell, Louise, I'm sorry. It's just that I imagined us at some little roadside bar, sipping a cold beer and relaxing."

His words were too much for me and I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I was missing the children so badly and even though I knew they were well looked after, a sense of guilt was coming back to me time after time.

Richard pulled up in a field entrance and took my head in his hands. "Come on, let's forget that, shall we?" He kissed my cheek and I managed a smil. "We'll find somewhere, don't worry and I'll treat you to a glass of champagne." I nodded and he put the car into drive and pulled away again smoothly. I concentrated on the map, hoping that we'd come across another, bigger village and find what we were dreaming of.

Half an hour later, we had found it. An old bar with shuttered windows and small tables set out in the tiny garden. Richard raised his glass to me and I smiled as the cold bubbles slid down my parched throat. The young waitress was making her way over to us with plates of pate, bread and olives and my stomach rumbled at the thought of lunch, the greasy ferry breakfast long since forgotten.

"See? Told you we'd find it!" Richard grinned and took a bite of crusty baguette. "France!"

I smiled back and relaxed in the warmth of the sun. The half bottle of champagne lay cooling in the ice-bucket next to us and I watched as a French couple talked to the waitress, their faces animated and happy.

"Would you like this life?" I asked.

"What? Living in France?"

"Yes, why not?"

Richard thought for a moment and shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I like where we live."

"What about the stress?"

I watched his face and saw a momentary grimace. "Stress?"

"Oh come on, Richard! All our neighbours work terrible hours, there's always this huge pressure to have the "right" car, the "right" holidays. Sometimes I get fed up with it."

He looked at me in surprise. "I thought that's what you wanted? The big house, the right school for the kids?"

I sat back and closed my eyes, the wine glass glinting in my hand as it caught the sun. "It must feel wonderful to be free of that pressure."

Richard grunted and finished his baguette. "The work I do pays the bills and pays for this." He waved his hand around the garden. 

A sudden image came into my brain as we sat and relaxed. An old farmhouse hidden in the fields, cool stone floors and simple furniture, the peace and quiet of a hot afternoon...a tall dark-haired man leading me up the stairs.

"Louise? What do you think?"

I jumped and looked at my husband and the image faded. "Sorry, I was away there. What did you say?"

Richard continued to talk, his words falling all around me but not meaning anything. I couldn't get the image of Jake out of my mind and imagined his hands on my breasts, his lips caressing my neck as we lay entwined. What was wrong with me? Why was I fantasising over someone who I didn't like?

I made an effort to listen as Richard chatted about the holiday and how he'd heard of a great new vineyard near to our hotel. I forced myself to relax, to stop thinking about the children and concentrate on the enjoyment of the day, the warmth, the chilled champagne and the relaxation to come.

* The journey seemed to stretch on endlessly after lunch. Richard took the wheel once again as I had had more than my far share of the wine. I settled into the comfortable seat and tried my hardest to stay awake but it was hopeless. The sun and the lunchtime meal combined to soothe me off to sleep and I was heedless of the miles disappearing under the car's wheels.

When I awoke, it was late afternoon and Richard was indicating to leave the autoroute, his face showing the tiredness he was no doubt feeling.

"Are we here?" I asked groggily, sitting up and reaching for my sunglasses.

"Not far, now. About ten miles, I think."

I looked out at the window and saw neat fields and small farmhouses with rows of vines in the distance. The heat shimmered over everything and I hoped that our hotel room would be cool.

"Did you say what time we'd arrive?" Richard asked, glancing at his watch. "It's coming up to four."

"No, I told them late afternoon so this is perfect. You must be exhausted." I put my hand on his arm and was rewarded with a smile.

"I am tired, I must admit."

"Was this a good idea, do you think? All this driving?"

Richard sighed and looked exasperated. "It's a bit late asking that now, isn't it?" "I thought we agreed that it would be good to re-live some of the holidays we had before the children came along?" "Yes, but it was supposed to be relaxing, too. I don't want us going home more tired than when we started."

"Louise, just relax. I don't know what's up with you at the moment. You seem so tense. What's the matter?"

I shrugged my shoulders and stared out of the window. "I don't know. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow."

Richard grunted. "Well, I hope so. We're supposed to be making the most of this and it's costing a fortune."

The rest of the journey was silent again, and I took out the small guide book from which we had chosen the hotel. Supposedly the best in the area, the hotel was in a wonderful position at one end of the market square in the small Burgundy town. Shuttered windows winked at us sleepily in the late afternoon sun as we parked outside and I felt my body relax after the long journey. The interior of the hotel was cool and quiet, dark wooden antique furniture and a welcome from two huge dogs giving the impression of a family home.

The friendly owner gave us a key and showed us up to our room which overlooked the square and the fields of vines beyond. I flung open the shutters and gazed down at the scene below, a small bar opposite and the imposing church at the far end.

"It's beautiful," I breathed, turning to see Richard watching me. He came over and put his arms around my waist, kissing the back of my neck and making me shiver.

"The bed's not as good as last night, but it feels comfortable," he whispered in my ear. 

I smiled and turned to face him. "I hope so."

We kissed deeply for a moment, each feeling relief that the long day of driving was over. Outside the church bells began to chime and I looked at my watch. "I'm going to unpack and then I think you should take a nap. You must be shattered."

The wardrobe in the room was huge and old and the inside smelt musty. I unfolded all our creased clothes while Richard disappeared into the bathroom for a shower. I heard him laughing and went in to see him crouched in a tiny bath with a ledge for sitting on.

"There'll be no romantic sessions in here!" he grinned and I laughed as he sat there, the warm water cascading over his body. I went to him and kissed his cheek, feeling suddenly happier than I had for ages.

* I awoke in the darkened room and struggled to remember where I was. The insistent hooting of car horns grew nearer and nearer and I climbed off the bed to see what was going on. Next to me, Richard murmured in his sleep and I carefully opened the wooden shutters, blinking as the sun streamed in. Below me in the square, a dozen cars had congregated, each one bearing a fluttering pink ribbon from the radio aerial. A group of people were massing near the church and I leaned out for a better look.

The bride (for it was a wedding) was standing with an older man and woman who were dressed conservatively in smart suits. The bride was resplendent in frothy lace and a veil, but it was the bridesmaid who caught my attention, her micro skirt and plunging top overshadowing the whole bridal party.

I felt an arm go round my waist and turned to see Richard staring at the same scene. "Wow, look at her!" 

I laughed and followed his gaze to the bride's attendant who was smoking and waving her arms around as she entertained half a dozen men. Her blonde hair caught the sun and she seemed to be on fire.

"I wonder what the groom thinks!" I giggled and leant back against my husband who started to stroke one of my nipples through my thin tee-shirt.

"Take that off," he murmured and I felt that twist again as he turned me round and kissed me hard on the lips. "I want you..."

I lifted the tee-shirt over my head and shivered as Richard bent his head to kiss and suck my nipples. His hand moved lower and pulled my knickers to one side as his fingers probed the sweet softness within. 

"Turned on by this?" he whispered and I nodded, my eyes closed as his hands worked their magic on my body. I removed my underwear and saw that his erection was already evident, the stresses of the journey no doubt forgotten after our brief nap. Stroking the length of his hardness, I felt his body react to mine as our need intensified.

"Turn around," he said and I did as he asked, kneeling on the edge of the bed while he caressed me from behind, the warmth of his body pressing against my bottom. I reached around and took his erection in my hand guiding him deep within me and gasping as he took possession of my inner depths.

He started to push himself slowly into me and I moaned a little as I felt his hardness slide in and out. His hands rested on my hips and I pushed back at him as he moved, our rhythm honed by so many years together. Outside I could hear the bells begin to ring again and Richard timed his movements to the chimes, something I found incredibly erotic. I knew I was close to orgasm and reached down to massage my clitoris, feeling the pleasure build within me, layer upon layer. It had been so long since we had indulged ourselves like this and I wanted to savour every moment of our relationship beginning to heal. 

We felt as one, the heat of the afternoon giving us both a slight sheen of perspiration that moulded us together. The large, high ceilinged room took our moans and sighs and amplified them, adding to the intensity we were feeling. And then I felt myself falling into that deep well of desire and I cried out as my fingers and Richard's cock took me over the edge. He kept on thrusting and I knew that he was coming too, his hands gripping my hips as he climaxed in me, his warm fluids erupting inside and making me feel desired and needed.

We both collapsed onto the bed, and held each other close, listening to the sounds in the square, hearing the bells and the sound of laughter.

* I sipped my white wine and smiled as Richard finished talking on the mobile phone. The bar opposite the hotel was old and basic but we were willingly providing the entertainment for the locals and I played my part to perfection.

Richard laughed and I saw the tenderness in his face as he listened to his daughter babble away about her day. The wedding cars were still parked near us and I imagined the bridal party were holding their reception at our hotel, which was renowned for its food and fine wine. 

The old man at the table opposite hadn't taken his eyes off me once and I was beginning to wonder whether I had made a mistake with my make-up or had grown another head without noticing. The bar was a meeting place for the residents of the town and I was enjoying feeling part of the local life for a short while. People came and went, shouting greetings to one another and I sat back in my seat and watched as the town came alive after the heat of the afternoon. 

"OK, darling," I heard Richard say, "I'll just give you to Mummy. Be good."

He smiled and handed me the mobile phone and I chatted to my daughter as she told me what they were going to do the next day. My parents had a whole day's activities planned and I felt grateful that they had the energy and enthusiasm to cope with my two energetic children.

I rang off and sat back into my chair, relaxing now that I knew the children were fine. "This is wonderful," I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling my body soften under the warm evening sun. "The drive was worth it."

We sat and enjoyed the scene for a while and the talk gradually turned to the business. "I can't remember the last time we talked about work," I said and yawned, the long day and the sun beginning to have an effect, despite my afternoon of sleep.. "How are things?"

Richard hesitated before replying, not quite able to look me in the eye. "Oh well, you know how it is. This time of year's always slow."

I felt a jolt of surprise. It had been five years since I'd had any day-to-day responsibility for the business and I missed the challenges it brought.

"I don't remember the summer being slow."

"Well, we've more competition now. Everybody seems to be starting up a printing business at the moment."

I took a sip of wine and looked at Richard who seemed distinctly uncomfortable. "Is there a problem you've not told me about?"

"Why are you bringing this up now?"

I stared at my husband in surprise. "You were the one who mentioned work, Richard! I was quite happy to sit here and just enjoy the view."

I thought back to how I'd met my husband fifteen years ago. Struggling with the financial side of the business, my parents had taken Richard on to help with the accounts and I had been attracted to him from the start. In his late twenties, he was hard-working, but fun to be with and our relationship blossomed quickly over the course of a few months. My parents were delighted with the way things turned out and after the wedding Richard was made a Director. The future looked promising.

I continued to work alongside my parents and Richard for five years before Lily was born and then I carried on, taking her in with me and somehow juggling the office and our home life. It was stressful, but we managed, and our relationship was strong and loving.

But when Matt was born six years ago, I couldn't cope any more and I stepped down permanently. Now they were both at school I had been making plans to return, and hoped that this holiday would be a good way of talking to Richard about my ideas.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 02



My husband glanced at his watch and stood up. "Time for dinner. I booked a table for 8pm."

I drained my glass and followed him across the sunlit square to the hotel entrance. Inside I could hear sounds of laughter and music and smiled. "Someone's having fun""

Richard grunted and I felt my heart sink. The good mood seemed to have gone and I felt a knot of fear begin to grow in my stomach. Was it because of the business that my husband always seemed so tense and irritable lately?

* The atmosphere in the imposing dining room was awkward. Despite the fact it was early summer, the hotel was quiet and there were only two other couples eating. The wedding guests seemed to be in another wing of the hotel and I envied them the fun they were having. The silence weighed heavily on us and I wished fervently that the children were here to provide a distraction. Ironically, I thought back to all the times we'd been out to eat and the children had been naughty or disruptive. I'd wished then for peace and quiet to enjoy the meal, but now I longed for their reassuring presence and their endless chatter.

Guiding the conversation onto safer topics, I asked Richard about his plans for the next day.

"How much wine do you want to take home?"

"Your father's asked for two cases of the Nuits St Georges."

"OK." I tried to forget about the GP's warnings of high blood pressure, not wishing to further aggravate my husband. "Don't forget I want to buy some Loire white as well."

We'd decided to drive to the Loire after Burgundy and indulge in one of my favourite wines and the village of the same name. We had drunk Vouvray at our wedding and it was a special wine for both of us.

Richard sighed. "We need to be careful. We haven't a lot of room in the car."

I stopped looking at the menu and gazed at the irritated face of my husband. "Look, Richard, let's get whatever's bothering you out into the open. You were so happy earlier."

He ignored me and I could feel the anger and frustration growing inside me. "Perhaps I should call my father and ask what the hell's going on then?"

I said it quietly but Richard knew this time I was serious. He looked up and his face was set and angry. "Now's not the time, Louise, OK? We'll talk about it tomorrow when I don't feel as if every word I utter is being listened to by strangers."

I looked around the silent room and had to agree with him. A heavy cloud of unhappiness seemed to hover around us and our body language must have showed how tense we both were.

"OK. Let's just forget it now and talk tomorrow." I bit my lip and fought down the urge to ask the questions that were whirling around in my head. Richard, when cornered, could turn sarcastic and the last thing I wanted was a heated argument with an avid audience.

We ate the beautifully prepared food and tried to make conversation, but it was useless. Each mouthful I took felt like sawdust and the wine from the nearby chateau could have been vinegar. I felt like an outsider in my own marriage, adrift on a sea of worry and despair and suddenly everything in my life that was secure seemed to be shifting. 

And what further worry would tomorrow bring?



Staring at the Sun Ch. 03



Chapter 3, Sunday

Thank you to everyone who has read and given me feedback on Chapters 1 & 2. I hope you enjoy Chapter 3. All votes and feedback appreciated!

****************

I lay awake in the darkened room, the dream going over and over in my head. I could hear Richard's deep and steady breathing and wished I felt as peaceful as him. Closing my eyes, I saw again the mountainous seas, myself and the children on a tiny raft, an evil grinning Jake gradually disappearing into the distance, his laugh echoing all around as we clung to the tiny piece of wood.

I shivered and pulled the thick quilt around my shoulders. I didn't know what the time was, the shutters on the windows made the room dark, but I guessed it was early. Too early to call my parents and ask if the children were safe. Where had the dream come from and more importantly, where was Richard to save us?

Knowing sleep was impossible, I quietly crept out of bed and groped in the dark for my watch. I went into the bathroom and saw that it was just after 6am, perfect for an early walk. Gathering my clothes I dressed and slipped out of the room, leaving a comatose Richard snoring peacefully.

The hotel was almost deserted, just one older man bringing in some baguettes from the town bakery and he nodded a greeting as I passed. Outside it was bright, the sun beginning to grow warm despite the early hour and I felt a sudden sense of freedom, the dream temporarily driven to the back of my mind.

Leaving the town square behind I ventured down a small lane that led to the fields beyond, admiring the old Burgundian houses that lined the way. It was still quiet, just the occasional bark of a dog and far away in the distance the steady hum of a tractor. 

As I walked, I thought back to the previous evening when Richard had refused to tell me about the business and felt a return of my anger. I'd felt snubbed by his attitude and wondered whether he would ever have told me, despite the fact that I was still, on paper at least, a Director. When I had left, the business was doing well, sales were up and our customers satisfied with the way we handled their accounts. We placed a great emphasis on being a family firm and what we lacked in size, we more than made up for in service.

Richard had always been competent and was an asset to the company, rarely indulging in high-risk strategies or unwise investments. Under his guidance sales grew steadily and the previous year we even acquired a smaller printing business, much to the pleasure of my parents who had frequently regarded the other firm as competition.

Our house was purchased with the company's success in mind and I knew our mortgage was high. But Richard never worried about the cost of the repayments and our lifestyle improved. We rarely discussed money as I trusted Richard to manage the finances but now I wondered whether I should have taken an interest and perhaps lessened the burden on him.

Leaving the town behind me, I came to a small field of vines and leant on a wooden gate to gaze at the orderly rows stretching away to a line of trees. It was so peaceful and I felt my thoughts settle at last, the worries of the night melting under the rays of the warm sun. If the business was in trouble, could we really afford this holiday? And was that why Richard had been so irritable lately? Knowing that he couldn't take the time to be away, and the added expense just another worry to deal with?

I remembered how he had jumped at the chance of staying with Jake for a few days and felt a cringing embarrassment. I would rather go home than scrounge off a friend and now felt an added dread at the plans to stay in the Dordogne. I imagined Jake and his family, the quintessential Englishman abroad, comfortable in his sprawling farmhouse, showing off his wine-cellar, the fields of vines and the lavish dinners he would put on for our benefit.

Perhaps I could persuade Richard to change his mind and stick with our original plan, a slow trundle around our favourite wine areas, staying at modest hotels and enjoying the freedom, but I knew his fierce pride wouldn't allow that.

Sighing, I took one last look at the view before me and retraced my steps, watching as the small town came to life. I could hear the church bells chime the hour and my need for a cup of strong coffee increased with every step I took.

The square was bathed in sunlight when I arrived back and the café was open for business. A thick-set man in a huge white apron was bustling about inside and I asked for a café au lait, not quite ready for the strong espresso that a couple of men were downing at the bar. My presence was noted with nods of welcome, the men turning their attention back to their conversation after the brief interest. I listened as they spoke, loving the sound of the French language and wishing I could understand what they were discussing with such passion, their hands gesturing like mad as they laughed and chatted.

Life seemed so relaxed here and I wondered whether the inhabitants of this small town felt the same pressures of life as we did. Taking my coffee outside I sat in the sun and closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth on my skin. I took out my mobile and dialled my home number, the dream coming back to me with full force as I waited for the phone to be answered.

The sound of my daughter on the line gave me a feeling of such relief that tears sprang to my eyes as she chatted away, describing the meal they had eaten the night before and what she was going to be wearing on the trip my parents had planned. When she paused for breath I asked to speak to my mother, feeling only slightly guilty that I was effectively going behind Richard's back in discussing the business.

"Mum?" I gripped the phone to my ear as my mother's warm voice came down the line. 

"How's everything?"

We chatted for a few minutes and then I took a deep breath and brought up the subject of the business. "Richard has hinted at some problems at work. Is anything wrong?"

There was a pause and I could hear my heart thudding in my chest as I waited for an answer. "What's Richard said?" she asked cautiously. "He promised me he wouldn't say anything to you until after the holiday."

A shiver of fear ran through me as I listened. My mother was never one to over-dramatise a situation and she was always level-headed at work, often cooling the tempers of my husband and father who tended to dominate her at times.

"He hasn't really said a lot yet, but he's obviously worried about something."

"Louise, I really feel that Richard should tell you. Is he there?"

I explained about my morning walk and I heard her sigh. "We'd agreed to talk about this when you both got home. I can't believe he's brought it up already."

Her voice sounded so serious and I felt a flicker of panic begin to grow within me.

"Louise, hold off on this until Richard speaks to you. Promise me that, OK?"

I hesitated. Part of me wanted to have this out with Richard and get it over with but I dreaded what he was going to tell me. "Is it really bad?" 

I suddenly felt like a little girl again, running to my mother for reassurance when things got too tough, hoping that she would miraculously make everything better.

"Talk to Richard today, but go easy on him, Louise. Things have been tough lately and the bank hasn't been as understanding as we hoped. Just don't go off the rails and spoil your holiday."

I murmured an agreement and finished the call, the palms of my hands sweaty with nerves. We were so far from home now and I knew Richard wouldn't even think of going back. His pride was too strong for that.

I put the phone back in my bag, drained my coffee and stood up, feeling the tension in my neck and shoulders. The hotel was coming to life and I decided to go and have a shower before breakfast. The early morning was catching up with me and a long hot shower would wake me up and make me feel better.

Richard was still asleep when I unlocked the door and let myself in. I could hear his steady breathing and I tiptoed around the room, bumping into furniture in the unfamiliar layout. Undressing and stepping into the small shower cubicle, I stood under the hot water and tried to relax, my mind running over the conversation I'd had with my mother. 

How long had Richard been hiding this from me? I tried to think back to when his behaviour had changed, when he had been staying at work late and coming home irritable and tired. I had even begun to think he was having an affair, but now it all fell into place. This had been going on for months and he couldn't even confide in me, couldn't share his worries with me even though I would have done my best to help.

I thought that was what marriage was all about. Helping each other and supporting each other through the bad times. Was my marriage a sham?

I turned the water off and stepped out, grabbing a towel to dry myself. As I rubbed my hair I opened my eyes to find Richard standing in front of me, a strange look on his face.

"What's up?" I asked as his eyes roamed over my body.

"I didn't realise how beautiful you are, Louise."

I stared back at my husband, suspicion clearly showing on my face. It had been so long since he'd said anything like that and I began to wonder what he was thinking.

I turned away from him and reached for my toothbrush. "You can't distract me, Richard. I want to know what's been going on lately and we need to talk."

I felt his arms go round my waist, his erection hard against my bottom. "Come back to bed, Louise. Just for a while."

I spun round in surprise. "What's this all about? You haven't been like this for ages, Richard. And we come on holiday and it's like you're on heat..."

He moved forward to kiss me and I fell back against the sink. The hard ceramic was cold against my skin and I gasped as his tongue forced my mouth open, his erect cock pressing against my thighs.

I groaned as his hands explored my breasts, his touch rough and needy, his mouth clamped on mine. Part of me wanted to push him away and make him explain what had been happening but his touch was so sure my resistance crumbled. Months of going without sex had given me a ravenous appetite and I wasn't going to push him away now, despite my suspicions that he was using this as a way of avoiding a talk. We kissed deeply and passionately and I allowed him to lead me back into the bedroom where he pushed me gently onto the bed. He opened my legs and positioned himself between my knees, gazing down at me with a look that almost suggested vindication. I closed my eyes as he bent and stroked the softness of my pussy, a small groan escaping me as his fingers probed inside. 

Spreading my lips apart he rubbed the tip of his cock against me, his eyes never leaving my face. It had been so long since he'd loved me like this and another worrying thought entered my brain. Was it me he was making love to or someone else? Someone he had left behind in England?

He entered me slowly, drawing out the pleasure and leaving me gasping with the need for him to be inside me. Once inside, he ground into me hard but comfortably, the old bed creaking with each of his thrusts. Outside I could hear the clatter of tables and a man shouting, the town taking on its daytime routine. Richard gasped as he moved inside me, tiny beads of sweat dripping down his face and hitting me on my chest. My breasts bounced in time to his movements and I could feel my orgasm building, the delicious sensations spreading out from my lower stomach and making my limbs weak.

"Oh God, Louise," Richard groaned into my ear and I felt him tense up as he came, his warm semen flooding into me as he thrust hard against me. I reached down and in the throes of his dying orgasm achieved my own, my moans mingling with his as we both achieved a state of bliss.

*

Breakfast was laid out on the terrace of the hotel and I sighed with pleasure as I sipped a cup of strong coffee. The croissants were warm and fresh, the jam homemade and I waited as Richard finished talking on his mobile.

"Jake, that's great! We're looking forward to it so much. Yeah, she's fine!"

I frowned as my husband winked at me and poured myself another cup of coffee. The call had come unexpectedly and my heart had instantly quickened, dreading that it was one of the children. It hadn't lessened when Richard mouthed "Jake" at me and a feeling or resentment grew as the conversation went on.

"We're aiming to be with you for Thursday, Jake. Is that OK?"

I listened to the sound of Jake's animated voice carrying down the line, aware of the reproving glances of the other hotel guests. The garden was so quiet and I could almost hear their thoughts as Richard launched into an account of our journey so far, not leaving out a lecherous description of the tarty bridesmaid, who, I noticed, was pulling up a chair opposite, her eyes hidden by dark glasses.

"Can you ring off now?" I mouthed at him silently, pointing at my watch, my irritation increasing by the minute.

Richard smiled at me and rose from his seat, his steps taking him to the front of the hotel where I could still hear him laughing.

Fuming, I sat back in my chair and ignored the curious looks of the other guests. On the whole they were French, but I knew at least one couple were British, their car adorned with GB stickers parked next to ours. The woman looked over sympathetically and I smiled, but inwardly I was seething. It seemed like Richard was deliberately antagonising me, knowing how much I dreaded the visit and the whole idea of Jake Harper.

On his return to the table, he was grinning and I felt my stomach contract. "God, what a piece of good news!"

"What is?" I asked icily, knowing that for me it would only be bad.

"Jake wants us to go a bit earlier. He's throwing a party for some guy he knows and wants us to be there too."

I looked at my husband in horror. "How much earlier?"

Richard was still smiling as he buttered a croissant and spread it with jam. "Wednesday."

"Wednesday? But we were going to the Loire on Tuesday and staying there for a few days. We agreed!"

"Oh, Louise! Lighten up a bit! This is free board and lodging! How could I say no?"

The anger that had been building up since the call came threatened to explode and I could barely control my temper as I stared at my husband. "How dare you make a decision without asking me first? This is our holiday and we were supposed to be enjoying it on our own!"

"Louise...come on, it's just for a couple of days! He's really keen for us to stay with him and he said that the place is so big, we'd easily have our own privacy."

"You don't understand, do you?"

"What?" He looked genuinely surprised, his knife poised in mid air. "I thought you'd like to get to know him. I saw the looks you were giving him."

"What is this all about, Richard? Did you plan on meeting him at that pub? Was it all arranged?"

This time I saw a flicker of confusion cross his face and knew that I had perhaps gone too far. Even Richard wouldn't have gone to those lengths to meet an old friend, even if it did mean a way of saving the business.

"Has this got anything to do with the company? Have you asked Jake to bail you out?"

The mention of the business suddenly angered my husband who flung his napkin down and made to get up. "Do you honestly think I'd involve someone else in my problems? Someone who I haven't seen for twenty years?"

I shrugged my shoulders, relieved at last that the subject had been broached. We'd danced around it all morning and I knew that we'd have to face it sometime. "I don't know what to think anymore, Richard. I thought we had the sort of marriage where you could tell me your problems, but now I'm not so sure."

"I'm going to the room. I'll see you in a minute."

I watched as he strode off down the garden, his shoulders set with anger. The morning's intimacy was long gone and I wondered if we'd ever recapture it again.

*

The vineyards shimmered in the heat as we drove towards the nearby wine town of Beaune, famed for its beautiful Hospices and the annual wine auction that brought people from all over the world. The explosive argument had given way to an uneasy silence between us and the dark glasses I wore hid the redness of my eyes. 

I had left the breakfast table, watched by almost everyone in the garden and joined Richard in our room. He was studying the maps and guidebooks we had bought and I could see the route to the Dordogne and Jake's village clearly marked.

Glancing at it in sudden anger I rounded on my husband who was caught off guard.

"I think you've got a bloody cheek!"

He looked at me in surprise and I went on. "You know damn well I hate staying in other people's houses and this is just pushing it in my face!"

Richard slowly closed the guidebook and re-folded the map, his movements deliberate and somehow annoying me even more.

"We have a chance to stay with someone for a while, Louise. A friend of mine who is perfectly pleasant, who wants to ensure we enjoy our stay and who seems to be a great host. Why the hell should I turn that down?"

I stared at him. "Because I don't like him. I don't trust him."

"And why is that? You've never even met the guy before. How do you know what he's like from one short meeting?"

"I just don't trust him, Richard. Why can't you see that?"

He turned his back to me and went to stand by the window. "I just need some relaxation at the moment, Louise. It's been a tough couple of months and to go somewhere and relax would be great. And we'd save some money as well. Money we could spend on the kids, wine, whatever."

"Is this all about money? If we couldn't afford this holiday then why did we come?"

He shrugged his shoulders and I resisted the urge to hit him. "What's been going on? I phoned my mum today but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. You've got to tell me, Richard...I'm still involved whether you like it or not."

"Whether I like it or not? What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

I looked at him, at the angry flush of red that covered his face, his eyes hard and angry. 

"You've been deliberately pushing me away for ages. We never talk any more and before the holiday we were never close, not like we used to be..."

Richard ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "I know. Oh God, Louise, I just want to enjoy this holiday and relax, can't you understand that? I admit, I didn't want to come, but we're here now, let's just enjoy it. And if Jake wants to play the merry host, who am I to argue?"

"I'm dreading it, Richard. I know just what sort of people will be there. The sort that we both hate."

He came over to me and tried to pull me close but I resisted. "I need to go there and spend a few days with him, please understand Louise. It's just a couple of days, that's all. I'll make it up, I promise."

I laughed bitterly. "How? How are you going to make up for a few precious days of our holiday? By buying me something with money we obviously don't have?"

He pulled away from me, his face furious. "Leave it, OK? They're my problems and I'll sort them. Just stay out of it."

Gathering up the maps and guidebooks he stuffed them into a travel bag and turned to face me. "I'll see you in the car."

The door slammed and he was gone, the noise echoing around the silent room and I sank onto the bed, the tears running down my face as I digested his words and attitude. He was so cold and distant, and bore no resemblance to the sweet, good-natured man I had married.

I'd risen from the bed, washed my face and joined him as he waited in the car, the silence wrapping itself around us as we travelled through the baking countryside to Beaune. The town was busy, despite it being a Sunday, and after parking we wandered over to the Hospices de Beaune, a fifteenth century hospital, famous for its annual wine sale and beautifully patterned roof. Fortunately the building itself and the museum exhibits were enough to keep any conversation at bay, but as we settled ourselves at the table of a pavement café, Richard eyed me suspiciously.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 03



"You've been quiet."

"I've been thinking."

Richard groaned and looked at the drinks list. "That sounds like bad news."

I paused. "I might fly home at the weekend and leave you to come back on your own. You can spend as long as you want then with Jake and his hospitality."

My husband stared at me in shock. "What did you say?"

"You heard. I could fly home from Bordeaux. It's not far away."

I saw his hands tighten around the flimsy menu card and felt my heart beat faster. "And what makes you think I'm going to agree to that?"

"I can do what I like, Richard. I'm a grown woman, in case you hadn't noticed, and I don't see why I should have to go along with you just because you've decided on something."

"This is our holiday, Louise! Just tell me - what is it about Jake Harper that you so dislike?"

I fell silent. I thought back to the night in the pub and tried to picture his face. He was attractive, there was no doubt about that, and his charisma would seem to ensure that he was a hit with any woman who crossed his path. Was I afraid of falling for him and breaking up my marriage for good? Was that why he would suddenly invade my thoughts and linger there, my body responding to fantasies of his skin touching mine, his eyes on my face as he brought me to a shuddering climax?

"Come on, tell me...there must be a reason for your attitude."

I looked at him, not being to help comparing the two men. Richard was tall and good-looking but he lacked the strong masculine appeal of Jake. Jake was the type of man who was in control of any situation. Could the same be said for my husband?

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, he just seems dangerous to me. As if he's laughing at us somehow. Trying to lord it over us and show off his new house. And I can imagine what his wife is like...one of those impossibly thin blonde women who smile with their mouths but not with their eyes."

Richard laughed. "Can't help you there, I'm afraid. He didn't mention her much and I had the feeling they've got their own problems."

He put his hand out to cover mine and I didn't pull away. "Look, let's just stay for a couple of days and see how it is. It might work out fine. If by Saturday, you're still not happy, we'll make our excuses and leave, OK? Let's just compromise on this, Louise. Don't embarrass me by going home early and refusing to stay."

My inner anger dissipated a little at his words and I recognised the olive branch for what it was. I was tired of arguing and fighting and wanted this holiday to be a happy memory rather than a time of endless bickering. 

"OK," I replied and smiled. The waiter brought us out two glasses of wine and I raised mine to Richard. "Can we start again? I want us to enjoy ourselves."

"Agreed," he said and took a sip. "But tonight over dinner, we need to talk. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this."

Wondering why he had changed his mind, I drank the wine and tried to relax, the cool liquid slipping down my throat, each of us lost in our own thoughts. 

*

Dressing for dinner was uncomfortable, the heat of the day lingering on into early evening as we showered and dressed. Forsaking the town cafe tonight, which was surrounded by the local youths, we made our way to the cool hotel bar and ordered a bottle of white Burgundy while we studied the menu in the garden.

We were both subdued and quiet, the long day in the heat sapping our energy. Luckily we had found a couple of vineyards open to the public and had started to fill the boot of our car up with wine, but the purchases on Richard's credit card had made me nervous. Red Burgundy was expensive and with my father's order we spent a considerable amount of money. 

"Stop worrying, Louise," Richard had said as he loaded the boxes into the car. "We'll find a cheaper hotel tomorrow night in the Loire and then we're at Jake's for a couple of days. We'll be fine."

I had listened to him and to avoid another argument, I had given in to his plans. Now, as we sat and chatted, I could almost feel the tension building as we skirted around the subject of the business.

Unable to bear it any longer, I replenished our glasses and sat back. "Can we get this over now? There's no-one about and it's the perfect chance to talk and get it into the open."

Richard took a gulp of wine and ran his fingers through his hair. "Ok, Louise." He paused and I waited for him to speak, sensing his anxiety.

"We may lose the house."

I stared at him in shock. I could feel my heartbeat race and a thousand thoughts crowded into my head at once. The children, schools, neighbours...why?

"It's my fault. Buying Metcalfe's like that was a bad decision. I can see it now."

I was lost for words, the shock of his sudden announcement making my insides churn with nerves and worry. I could only stare at him as he went on with the bad news.

"As you know, I borrowed a lot of money to buy the other company, Louise. Your father invested some of his pension money but the rest was a loan from the bank." 

"How much?"

My husband rose from his seat and went to lean on the stone balustrade overlooking the garden. I felt a quiver of fear run through me as I stared at his back.

"About a half a million..."

I gasped. "But what happened?"

He took another sip of wine and turned to face me, the anxiety etched into his features making him suddenly appear much older. "I didn't look at the finances carefully enough. I needed to prove myself to your parents and saw it as an opportunity to give them something back for all the trust they'd placed in me."

He paused and I held my breath. "But Metcalfe's were doing well too. You told me they'd be an asset to the company."

"I thought they would be, but after the sale it was clear that their machinery is old and really should be replaced. Plus, so many new people have started in the printing business and the competition's tough. The orders just aren't coming in. There's too much to go into here, but I made a mistake and now I'm paying the price."

"What's going to happen?" I almost whispered, dreading his answer but knowing what it was going to be all the same.

"The loan is on the house, Louise. To pay the bank back, we may have to sell."

I felt a sudden burst of anger. Anger that he hadn't told me and hadn't consulted with me at all. "Those papers that you brought home last year? The papers from the bank? Was that about the mortgage?"

Richard had the grace to look embarrassed and he avoided my eyes. "I didn't want to worry you. You had so much on with the children and the house that I thought it was best if I dealt with it."

I got up then and walked away, almost running down to the end of the garden where a small bridge crossed over a stream. I felt a terrible sense of panic and the tightness in my chest made me wonder if I was about to have a heart attack. To lose our home would be catastrophic. Where would we live? I couldn't believe that Richard hadn't told me, that my parents had never told me. Why? Was I so inept that they didn't trust me?

My hands were shaking as I took out a tissue and blew my nose. My appetite had disappeared and I couldn't stop the thoughts running through my head. So many questions I needed to ask, but I'd been kept in the dark so long, I hardly knew where to begin.

I saw Richard make his way over to me, a terrible look on his face as he noticed my tears. "I wish I hadn't told you, but I don't think I can bear to keep it a secret any more. It's too much."

I heard the quiver in his voice and realised how difficult it must have been to tell me. "I want to go home, Richard. What's the point in staying here when our life is in ruins?"

"What difference is it going to make? Your parents thought it was a good idea for us to come away and have some time alone before I go back and see if I can save the business."

"How? How are you going to do that?"

"Look for an investor, perhaps. If that fails, try and sell it. Hell! I don't know, Louise! I just needed a break for a while, time to get my head cleared and come up with a solution."

"And has Jake anything to do with this?"

"We talked, I must admit. He's got a lot of contacts that might be useful. But the meeting was coincidental, Louise, you must believe me."

I didn't know what to believe any more. I was incredibly hurt that my husband hadn't told me about the problems and had almost lied when he'd re-mortgaged the house. How could I ever trust him again?

"How could you talk to Jake about this but not me? How could you do that? Do you know how it makes me feel?" I was shouting now and I realised that the British couple had come out onto the terrace of the hotel and were watching us with curiosity.

"Oh, for God's sake!" I yelled and pushed past him, wanting to be anywhere but near him. I walked quickly back to the hotel and up to the room where I grabbed Richard's phone. Dialling in the number, I felt a quiver of apprehension when I heard the deep measured tones of Jake Harper answer.

Chapter 4 will follow soon... 



Staring at the Sun Ch. 04



Chapter 4, Monday

The hot and sultry weather broke at 3am and I was awoken by a huge clap of thunder that echoed around our room, making my heart beat faster with the intensity of its power. The shutters were banging against the wall and as I went to close them, another flash of lightning illuminated the figure of my husband lying there with his eyes wide open but not saying a word. For one terrible moment I thought he was dead but then he looked directly at me and his face was such a picture of misery that I yearned to go and put my arms around him, but the memory of last night stopped me.

"Louise?" he said, turning to look at the bedside clock. "Are you OK?"

I sat on the bed and ran my fingers through my hair. "I'm fine, just tired. Are you alright? How long have you been awake?"

I heard him sigh. "Ages. The storm woke me up and then I just couldn't get back to sleep."

I went into the bathroom to get some water and stared at my reflection in the mirror. There were dark circles under my eyes which were still red from crying. The dinner last night had been terrible, neither of us saying much, a tense and uncomfortable silence between us that seemed too thick to penetrate. I hadn't told Richard about my phone call to Jake, knowing he would find out soon enough, but the guilt I was feeling lay on me heavily, our short conversation haunting me throughout the evening.

I thought of the journey to the Loire ahead of us and cursed Richard again for agreeing to go to the Dordogne sooner. The Loire was one of my favourite regions and I'd imagined us exploring the beautiful chateaux of the area and sampling some fantastic wines. Now, we'd be hurrying to see as much as we could before we embarked on another long journey south.

Taking one last look at my tired reflection, I switched out the light and climbed back into bed. The storm was still raging and the thunder crashed above us, making me shudder with its force. I pulled the covers around me and felt Richard move closer, his breath warm in my ear. His arm encircled me and I tensed, not wanting any intimacy at the moment, too tired and wrung out to even consider making love with him. 

"Relax, Louise," I heard him say. "Everything's going to be fine. I promise."

But how could it be? Maybe it was the time of night, but all I could see were problems ahead of us. The business failing and the house being sold to repay the debts. The children leaving the school they loved and the pitying glances of our neighbours as we moved from our home. And to where?

Cursing myself for caring more about the material aspects of my life than Richard's state of mind, I relaxed slightly and felt his lips on my neck. A sudden image of Jake sprang into my mind and I closed my eyes to further the fantasy. Talking to him on the phone had felt so intimate and he'd been understanding and sympathetic. I'd been surprised at his warmth and had expected him to barely remember me; after all we'd only met once and then for a few short hours, but when I introduced myself he knew straight away who I was, despite the bad line on the mobile.

Richard's arm held me tighter and I felt his hand brush my breasts, his breathing deeper as he continued to kiss me. I gave in to the pleasure but in my mind it was Jake who was kissing me, Jake's arms holding me and his hands playing with my nipples as I felt myself grow moist with arousal.

Turning, I almost pushed Richard back on the bed and started to kiss his chest, his skin slightly salty with perspiration. Working my way down I kissed and stroked him as he groaned with anticipation, my hands brushing over his erection, teasing him to full hardness.

"Oh, Louise," he muttered aloud, but I silenced him. This was Jake I was making love to, not Richard, and I needed the anonymity of the quiet, dark room to live my fantasy to the full. 

I buried my head in his groin and rubbed my mouth up and down his cock without actually taking it into my mouth. All the time I imagined it was Jake, wondering how he would feel, smell and taste. Would he entangle his fingers in my hair as I went down on him, look at me as I lay there with his erection in my mouth?

Feeling myself grow more and more aroused by the minute I softly licked the tip of Richard's cock and felt his penis respond. My hands cupped his shaft and I stroked up and down, loving the velvety smoothness under my fingers but my eyes remained closed, my mind some 300 miles further south.

I concentrated on giving my best as my husband lay there in the dark, his moans obliterated by the storm raging outside. Occasional flashes of lightning lit up the room as I moved my mouth up and down his cock, coating him with saliva while my teeth grazed his skin and increased the pleasure he was no doubt feeling.

"Louise!" he murmured and I looked up at him at last, needing to have him inside me, my imagination crying out for the sensation of Jake pushing into me hard and fast.

I rose and sat astride him, closing my eyes again and sliding down onto his warm hardness, my own wetness making it so easy for him to penetrate me to the full. I gasped as I felt him enter me, my mind full of Jake as I started to move up and down, my hips held by his hands as he maintained my rhythm.

I knew he was coming and continued to ride him as he ejaculated his warm semen inside me, his moans echoing in the hotel room. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine how Jake would feel as he climaxed, how he would call out my name and look into my face as he attained that state of bliss.

I climbed off Richard and lay down next to him, my fingers searching out my wet pussy and rubbing my clitoris in small circles. Richard leaned over to kiss me, his fingers teasing my breasts and I pulled his head down to one of my nipples and felt him suck hard. The orgasm washed over me in a wave and it was all I could do to stop myself crying out Jake's name. His face filled my thoughts and the nagging ache that had been with me since dinner finally ebbed away and died, my fingers slowing and my breath returning to normal.

"Feel OK, now?"

I nodded and snuggled down into the duvet, feeling the warm satisfaction that comes after sex, allowing myself to fall back to sleep where I knew the troubles of the day couldn't haunt me.

*

The next morning I awoke feeling disgusted with myself. How could I have fantasised about Jake instead of my husband? And why did I have this awful fascination with him? His whole personality and looks were dangerous, the sort of man who left a trail of heartbroken women in his wake and I was determined not to be one of them. I thought back to my phone call with him, how angry my husband would be if he found out what I'd said and steeled myself for the inevitable explosion that would come later.

Breakfast was strained with neither of us saying much and I could feel the eyes of the other guests on us. Richard spent most of the time consulting his maps and guidebooks and I marvelled at how he seemed so unaffected by last night's argument. Perhaps he was in denial, I thought, watching the other British couple who seemed totally relaxed and happy, their smiles and laughter a contrast to the heavy and serious atmosphere at our table.

I felt a terrible sense of sadness at how things had turned out on the holiday. Marred by arguments from the very beginning, I honestly thought it would be best if we went home and faced the problems together rather than run away from them and pretend that everything was fine. We would save money and although it would be difficult to explain to friends what was happening, at least we'd be trying to sort out our affairs.

Back in the room, as I packed our clothes, I told Richard of my idea. "Let's just admit defeat," I said sitting on the bed and shoving some underwear into the case. "We can tell everyone that one of us felt ill."

"I'm not going home, Louise," he insisted. "This may be our last holiday for a few years. We'll just have to try and forget the problems and enjoy it while we can."

I stared at him in amazement. "How can you stand there and say that? I can't forget what's been said! Our life is falling apart around our ears and all you want to do is buy wine and have parties with your friend!"

"Don't be silly. This holiday will give me a chance to see things clearly. I was too involved with the problems at home. I couldn't think straight."

Again, I had that sudden feeling that Richard was more involved with Jake than I realised and the plans he had to go and stay in the Dordogne were not as coincidental as I imagined.

The rest of the packing was done in silence and all my attempts to make Richard see sense were futile. He was blinkered about the holiday and I knew it was useless to try and persuade him otherwise.

As we checked out, I held my breath in case our credit card was rejected but it went through and Richard grinned at me as we made our way out into the warm sunshine. 

"See? Everything's OK. Let's just enjoy the day now."

The storm in the night had cleared the air and the sky was a beautiful blue as we left the hotel and made our way to the autoroute that would take us to the Loire town of Amboise. I glanced at my husband as he drove and was surprised at how calm he seemed. His look of anxiety from the night before had disappeared and he even whistled as he steered the car onto the motorway, pressing his foot down on the accelerator and quickly moving into the outside lane to overtake a lumbering French lorry.

"You seem happy today," I commented and he grinned.

"Yep, just looking forward to the next stage of our holiday," he replied and squeezed my knee. "I love the Loire."

"You seemed so worried last night," I continued. "Have you had any thoughts this morning about what to do?"

He sighed. "No, I haven't but when I have, you'll be the first to know, don't worry. I'm just enjoying the morning and the weather. Am I not allowed to be happy?"

"Of course. It's just that you were so quiet last night."

"Well..." and he sniggered slightly, "you certainly made me feel better, darling. I'd never fault you in that department."

I felt myself blush at his words, the images of Jake springing back to my mind. Richard would never forgive me if he knew and I steeled myself to stop the stupid fantasies and concentrate on my ailing marriage.

The journey was fast and comfortable, the roads almost empty. The drawback to the speed was the high cost of the tolls, but Richard never seemed to worry, his faltering attempts at conversation with the toll booth operators making me smile. It was lunchtime when we finally arrived in Amboise, a market town dominated by the beautiful eleventh century chateau and where Richard had already picked out a hotel for two nights.

We parked the car by the river and strolled into town, admiring the architecture and picking out some restaurants that looked good for a meal. I relaxed, feeling for the first time as if I was really on holiday.

"I've chosen a hotel," Richard said, as we walked. "I just wanted to see it first before we decide."

Allowing him to make the decisions, I noticed the small chic shops that lined the street, wondering if it was in our budget to take some French clothes home for the children. I felt a sudden disappointment and sadness that I now had to question any spending we did. Normally I wouldn't think twice about putting all my purchases on the credit card, but the realisation was dawning that I would have to watch every penny I spent.

"Here we are!" Richard stood aside to let me through the gates of a small hotel. "What do you think?"

I gazed at the old mellow stone house, taking in the small terrace in the front, the scattered but artfully arranged pots of plants and flowers, the various Mercedes and BMWs parked outside.

"I thought you said a cheaper hotel? This looks way out of our budget."

"Special deal!" My husband grinned and I followed him up the small flight of steps that led to the Reception area. "I looked this up last night and hoped it would be good. With the stay at Jake's house, we can easily afford it."

I quelled my desire to argue and waited as a member of staff greeted us and took our details. She spoke perfect English and informed us that our superior room was ready for us.

"Superior?" I hissed as we made our way to the lift. "Richard! What have you done?"

"For God's sake, Louise! Stop worrying! I haggled a bit and they did me a deal!" 

"How much?"

"Just be quiet. We're here now; it's only for two nights. Relax."

The room was wonderful, with views over the town and the river beyond. A huge bed dominated the room and the bathroom was awash with marble and expensive toiletries.

"It's beautiful, but it makes me feel uncomfortable."

Richard took me in his arms and kissed me on the lips. "Shhh...just think of the fun we can have in that bed..."

I smiled and felt a small twist of desire shoot through me at his words. I tried to think of the old Richard, the man who had managed the business so well and tried to relax. Perhaps he had a plan that he wasn't telling me about in case it didn't work. Trying to be optimistic I returned his kiss and felt the warmth of his body pressed against mine.

"Later," he said and smiled. "Right now, I need a cold beer and some lunch."

*

The restaurant was hidden down a tiny alley and as we ordered the drinks, I felt the tension drain away from me. We were here, there was nothing I could do and the last thing Richard wanted was for us to return home. I was in his hands and despite hating myself for my inaction, what else could I do?

"What are you thinking?" Richard looked at me over the rim of his glass and I smiled.

"I'm just realising I actually feel on holiday at the moment. For the first time."

"Good, I hope the feeling stays with you."

I looked around and watched the other diners. The restaurant was cosy and dark, a welcome relief after the heat of the day. Delicious smells wafted around us and I took a sip of my wine, the cool liquid easing the dryness of my throat. A French couple opposite were obviously on a clandestine meeting, their hands meeting over the table, their eyes locked on each other as they whispered and giggled.

"What are you looking at?" Richard asked, motioning to the waiter.

"Oh, that couple over there. They're almost eating each other."

Richard laughed and looked over. "I'd like to eat you," he whispered and I felt the desire twist inside me again. What had come over him? He never said anything like this to me, his liking for oral sex confined to enjoying it himself.

I raised my eyebrows at his words and he laughed again. "I knew you'd be surprised. 

Why don't we go back to the hotel after this and see what happens?"

"What's up with you? You don't normally say things like that."

"Why does there have to be something "up" with me? We're on holiday, we have no kids, let's enjoy it."

"OK," I agreed, pouring out more wine for myself. Richard's words had had an effect on my body and I felt the beginnings of arousal stirring below. The thought of an afternoon spent making love was heaven, it happened so rarely.

The tension of the night before seemed to disappear as we ate our lunch and chatted about the plans for the next day. The vineyards of the Loire surrounded us and I was determined to take back at least a couple of bottles of Vouvray, even if it meant we never bought any more wine for the duration of the holiday.

Over dessert my attention returned to the other diners and I listened as Richard told me which vineyard he wanted to go to and which chateau was the best. The restaurant had emptied out as it was the middle of the afternoon and I noticed two men on the far side of the room. The light was particularly low, the owners aiming for a warm seductive atmosphere, but there was something familiar about the man with his back to me. His hair and broad shoulders made me catch my breath but as I ran through all the men I knew in my life, I became more puzzled. Willing them to get up and leave before we did I asked Richard if he looked familiar too.

"That man over there..." 

Richard turned and followed my gaze. "Yes, what about him?"

"He looks familiar to me. Why?"

Richard turned back to me and shrugged his shoulders, but there was a strange look on his face that surprised me. "No idea, darling. How would we know someone here?"

"Well, we don't, but you look guilty Richard..."

He laughed. "Just your imagination, darling. I'm fine!"

I continued to look, the man facing me noticing my stare and meeting my gaze. He was attractive, his brown hair falling over his eyes while his face held an unmistakable air of intelligence and honesty. I felt another surge of attraction and quickly glanced away, but for the short time we had left in the restaurant, I felt his eyes go to me constantly.

*

After lunch, we collected the car and drove the short distance to the hotel. I felt pleasantly sleepy and hoped that a nap was in order after our disturbed night. Heaving the suitcase into the lift, my husband took me in his arms and kissed me.

"I haven't forgotten what I said, you know. Let's get unpacked and then relax."

Half an hour later, we were lying on the bed, the curtains drawn against the afternoon sun. Richard was lazily stroking my naked stomach, making small circles over my skin which was still damp from a shower, and I could feel the start of a delicious tingle deep within me. This was how I imagined our holiday to be, lazy afternoons spent together, recapturing the early days of our marriage, before the children came along and our lives became full of endless chores and stress. I could feel my nipples harden and an ache start deep inside me. I looked at my husband and he smiled before leaning down to kiss one of my breasts, his breath warm against my skin.

"Do you ever fantasise when we do this?" he asked as he kissed me, his tongue slowly licking around my areola and making me shiver. 

I looked at him in surprise and felt myself grow warm. "No," I lied. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondered." He continued to lick his way down to my stomach and I opened my legs and felt the warm dampness there, my pussy aching to be touched.

It had been so long since this had happened. I couldn't remember the last time and it was something I did fantasise about, but how could I tell Richard my fantasies involved Jake?

I slowly stroked the mound of my vagina and felt that wonderful feeling start within me. 

Delicious tingles of pleasure were streaming through my body and I arched my back, willing Richard to go lower.

"Mmm, I think you like this," he smiled and I moaned.

"Oh, yes. You know I do."

When his lips touched my labia I almost cried out with the intense pleasure. His warm breath made me open my legs even wider and I took his head and pressed him into me, feeling his tongue slip inside. It felt so good, so erotic to have him there between my legs, kissing me and giving me such a feeling of bliss. I lay back and closed my eyes, my hands lazily stroking my breasts as Richard worked away on my wet pussy, his tongue flicking over my clitoris and then probing deep within me, his fingers opening the folds of skin and laying me bare for his attention.

With two fingers and his tongue my husband brought me to an intense orgasm that had me crying out his name, this time all thoughts of Jake forgotten. I looked down as he held me tight and noticed his erection standing proud. I pulled him up to me and he entered me at once, his face showing the pleasure he was feeling. He thrust into me slowly at first and I savoured the feeling of his cock deep inside me. My pussy was still tingling from my orgasm and it felt wonderful as he repeatedly pushed into me, his rhythm smooth and steady.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 04



But I could tell he wanted to come, the oral sex turning him on more than I realised and with a final thrust he erupted inside me, his face screwed up with pleasure. I held him tight, feeling him grow smaller, my pussy saturated with our mixed juices.

"That was good," he breathed in my ear as I finally relaxed my hold on him. "You're so good Louise."

I smiled and turned over, the lunchtime meal and wine making my eyelids heavy. I felt myself drifting off, sinking deeper into a state of bliss. 

*

The sun was slanting over the hotel car park, bathing everything in its warm glow. I made my way down the small flight of steps and shielded my eyes from the glare. Cursing myself for forgetting my shoes, I looked down at the bright pink flip flops I was wearing with my smart black dress and hoped nobody would see.

Our car was parked in the shade of a tree and after retrieving my black high-heeled sandals from the boot I turned and almost screamed out in shock.

"Hi, Louise! How are you?"

I stood and stared at Jake Harper in confusion, my mind reeling with the implications of his appearance.

"I must say, the flip flops don't do your dress justice..."

He laughed and I continued to stare at him, my mouth open but with no words would come out.

"Are you OK? Did Richard not tell you?"

"Tell me what?" At last I had found my voice, but a terrible realisation had dawned. Was this whole trip engineered by my husband? And if so, why?

"What are you doing here?" I demanded, my manners deserting me.

"Oh, Louise! This isn't like you! I thought you'd be pleased to see me. After all you were so lovely on the phone last night."

I made to walk away but he grabbed my arm and I tensed. He was gazing down at me and I felt myself blush as I remembered back to the middle of the night when I'd fantasised about making love with him.

"Don't go. Can I get you a drink?"

"Richard's waiting for me in the room."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll find you. He knows I'm staying here, too."

"What are you doing here, Jake? Richard never told me you'd be here. And why didn't you mention it on the phone last night?"

"Change your shoes, Louise, and I'll treat you to a glass of champagne. It's the least I can do. And then I'll explain. I have a feeling you've got me down as the bad guy in all this."

I stared at him in amazement. His theory was spot on, but the only time we'd met was the first night of our holiday and I was sure I hadn't let slip my feelings then.

"I think I should get back. Richard will be wondering where I am."

He laughed. "You're a grown woman, Louise! He'll come and find you, don't worry. I can explain why I'm here..."

He held out his hand and I hesitated. Part of me wanted to have nothing to do with him, but to refuse would seem immature. The last thing I wanted was to appear stupid in front of Jake. After all, no matter what I thought, our worlds were linked now, whether I liked it or not.

"OK, let me change my shoes."

After throwing my flip flops onto the back seat I reluctantly followed Jake across the gravelled drive and around to the side of the hotel where a couple of tables were set out under the trees. We were alone and I settled into my seat, feeling the tension in my shoulders and back as Jake ordered a bottle of champagne.

He took the seat next to me, opened a packet of cigarettes and lit one, inhaling deeply.

"That's better. Now we can talk in peace. Why did you phone me last night?"

"You know why...I told you."

"You said you preferred to stay at a hotel nearby, Louise. And I agreed, against my better judgement, but I'd far rather you stay with us."

"I said I didn't want to put you to any trouble and asked about a hotel you could recommend. I really think that's the best thing to do."

"Well I don't."

"But you agreed!"

"I've changed my mind." He flicked some ash into the ashtray and looked at me, his eyes locked onto mine. "I want you to stay with me, Louise. It makes sense."

"Why? What's Richard told you?"

"About what?"

I shrugged and watched as the waitress brought out a bottle of Dom Perignon and two flutes. "What have you and Richard been discussing lately?"

"Oh, this and that. He stubbed out his cigarette and smiled. "We go back a long way, Louise. Just old memories."

"I feel as if you're here for a reason and I need to know."

"There's no mystery. I'm here with a friend who owns a vineyard in the South of France. I'm introducing him to a wine producer who makes wine here and I recommended the hotel to Richard. It's lovely, don't you think? Perfect for you both."

He lifted his glass and gestured towards me. "To your holiday, Louise."

I took a sip of the champagne and closed my eyes as the bubbly liquid slipped down my throat. "Thank you, Jake, but I'd rather stay at a small hotel. I'd just feel as if we were in the way."

"Does Richard know you called me?"

I hesitated, but he realised what I was going to say. "Ah, he doesn't. Why are you keeping that a secret from him?"

"Well, he would have found out, Jake. When we arrived and I told him about the hotel."

"I just think you're being silly. I've got so much room and my wife adores entertaining. You'll love her."

I doubted it. I could just imagine Jake's wife and dreaded having to make small talk to her while the men indulged in their mutual bonding sessions.

"Look, Jake, I've always felt uncomfortable staying with people. I explained that last night and I hate feeling as if I owe people something."

"Nonsense. You're old friends. Plus Mike's staying as well. Now he is someone you need to get to know." He chuckled.

I looked up to see the man from the restaurant staring at me. He was even better looking close-up and I felt my heart quicken as he smiled and took a seat.

"Mike...this is Louise, the wife of a very dear friend."

Mike took my hand and shook it, his touch warm and gentle. He had the friendliest of faces and I felt myself melt under his gaze.

"Hi, Louise. It's nice to meet you."

Jake grabbed the waitress as she walked past and she giggled as he let his arm rest about her waist. Speaking in perfectly accented French he ordered another bottle and two more glasses.

"Where's Richard, then? Making himself beautiful, is he?"

I smiled, but hated the tone of voice Jake was using. He seemed to think he was so superior to my husband and the thought of being in his house and at his mercy was more than I could bear.

"I'm trying to persuade Louise to stay with us, Mike. She's digging her heels in."

Mike shrugged and smiled at me. "It's up to Louise and her husband surely?"

Jake lit another cigarette and blew out a cloud of smoke. "Of course, but I'm just trying to make life easy for them, that's all."

"Bullying, more like," replied Mike, grinning, and I felt that flicker of desire again. His brown eyes were so warm and genuine. Why couldn't it be Mike who was inviting us to stay?

"I'll leave it up to you, Louise, but you know you're more than welcome. We're here tonight and then we're heading back tomorrow. Jilly's arriving late in the evening and I promised I'd pick her up."

"How is Jilly?" Mike asked, and as they chatted about mutual friends, I sipped my champagne and wondered where on earth Richard was. It had been half an hour now and he must have known I was in the garden, especially if he also knew that Jake was staying in the same hotel. Just as I was about to get up and find him, he appeared, a look of confusion on his face.

Jake stood at once and held out his hand. "Richard! Great to see you! You know, you really shouldn't let your wife out on her own...we very nearly kidnapped her!"

Richard laughed but I could sense his bewilderment. Looking at me, he said, "I wondered where you'd got to."

"Sorry," I replied, the champagne making me suddenly feel rather tearful. "Jake persuaded me to have a drink."

"Well, that's great. Thanks Jake," he said, accepting a glass of champagne.

"I think another toast's in order," said Jake, looking at me and winking. "To you both!"

We all sipped the delicious wine and I realised I was on my third glass. My head spun slightly and I was aware of Mike watching me, his eyes thoughtful.

"Oh, by the way, Richard, this is Mike. Another good friend. He owns a vineyard near Avignon."

The talk turned to wine and vineyards and I sat and watched the three men talk. All of them were good-looking, self-assured and confident, but it was Mike my eyes kept returning to again and again. He was much the quietest of the three but whenever he did say something the other two men listened intently. I had the feeling that Jake had the greatest of admiration for him and I could understand why.

"Are you having dinner here tonight?" asked Jake looking at me. "The food here's great. 

It's very good."

I looked at Richard. "I don't know. I suppose we could."

"If so, why don't you join us?"

I felt a shiver of excitement run through me at his words. Jake's influence on me, whatever it was, was waning and I realised that when we first met I'd been excited by his looks and his air of authority, his obvious charm and personality, no matter how dangerous it seemed. But meeting Mike had thrown me completely. He was quiet, but confident, kind and friendly. I wanted to get to know him more and find out about what sort of man he was. 

"Are you OK with that, Louise?"

I nearly jumped at my husband's voice and nodded. "Of course. I'd love to."

Jake left to see about a table and my husband started to quiz Mike on his vineyard. He answered all the questions smoothly, addressing a lot of his comments to me and I found I was enjoying the attention, his eyes never leaving my face as he explained about grape varieties and soil.

"I love the way of life," he said. "I find it so fulfilling to take the grapes in their raw state and make them into something beautiful and desirable." He looked at me again and I felt my stomach contract with excitement. What was wrong with me lately? I was acting like a love struck teenager, moving from man to man without the slightest thought for my husband who, at the moment, needed all the help and support he could get.

Jake returned and we went through to the dining room which overlooked the gardens. The setting was immaculate with starched white tablecloths, glistening cutlery and gleaming plates and I felt very special as I sat with the three men, their looks and presence earning them glances from the other female diners in the restaurant.

I looked at the menu prices and gasped. This was certainly not the cheap hotel I'd imagined we'd be staying in and I felt a sudden sense of anger towards Jake who must have been aware of the state of our finances. We just seemed to be getting deeper and deeper into the mire of financial problems and I could feel a sense of panic set in as I mentally calculated the amount of money we'd spent already. After our lunch today, a simple salad was all I wanted but when I announced my choice Jake looked at me in amazement.

"I'll choose for you, Louise," he said, studying the menu intently. "I've eaten here so many times before, I've a good idea of what you'd like."

It took all my effort to stop myself from being rude. How dare he assume I wanted him to order for me? And what the hell did he know about my preference in food?

"Jake...let Louise choose herself," soothed Mike, putting one hand on Jake's arm. "I'm sure she's old enough to know what she wants."

I was still speechless and could only smile my thanks at Mike who grinned back at me. 

My husband was still reading the menu and I could see a look of doubt cross his face as well.

"Louise? A salad then?"

I nodded my agreement and closed the menu. Tomorrow night when Jake had returned home we would be finding somewhere else to eat. Again, I felt that twinge of sadness and guilt, my enjoyment at eating out marred by our money worries. I thought back to the conversation I had with Jake about staying at a hotel and knew that I was making a mistake. We would only be drawing attention to ourselves if we opted to go to a hotel and I knew that would give Jake even more ammunition to throw our way and more scope to treat us as a joke. That was the last thing I wanted.

The meal passed pleasantly with Jake dominating the conversation and putting us in no doubt of his wealth and status. He went on and on about the refurbishment of his farmhouse, making it quite clear that there was certainly room enough for us all.

Mike listened patiently, no doubt having heard all of it before, but he showed no irritation or disinterest and I wondered how long they had been friends.

As we were drinking the last of the wine, Jake turned to me and fixed me with his gaze. 

"So, Louise, are you looking forward to staying with us? Jilly would be glad of another female opinion on the house. You know how women are!"

I laughed out of politeness but inwardly cursed him for putting me on the spot. I longed to be rude to him and I stared back at his handsome face, my eyes drawn to his as they bored into me. I could feel my colour rising as he waited for me to answer, both Mike and Richard sensing the tension between us.

Unable to bear the atmosphere any longer, Richard replied for me, shooting me a warning look. "Of course, we're both looking forward to it, Jake. It'll be great to stay in a home rather than a stuffy hotel."

"I really wanted Louise to say that, Richard," Jake said smoothly, his eyes still on mine. 

"It's so important that she's happy..."

I suddenly felt smothered and the feeling of panic rose again. I seemed to have no control over this holiday at all, no say in what I wanted and I felt the desperate need for some fresh air. Rising to my feet I threw my napkin on the chair, my head spinning from the wine we had drunk.

"I need some air," I said, reaching out for the table to steady myself. I felt as if Jake was a terrible ominous presence in our life and the urge to get away from him was growing more intense by the minute.

Mike stood up and I looked at him helplessly before turning on my heel and walking out of the stuffy atmosphere of the restaurant. Willing my husband to join me and ask what was wrong, I walked out onto the terrace and leaned against the stone balustrade. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and a terrible tight tension beginning in the back of my neck. I just wanted to go home and be with the children, back in my own house – but how much longer would it be mine?

I heard footsteps behind me but didn't turn, almost convinced it was Richard come to find me and reassure me that everything was going to be alright. But when I eventually turned it wasn't my husband standing there with a concerned look on his face. As I felt the tears start, it was Mike who put his arms around me and held me tight.

*****************

Thank you for reading Chapter 4 – all feedback is welcome. I will always reply to any comments, but as this was submitted before my annual vacation, there might be a delay.



Staring at the Sun Ch. 05



Chapter 5 – Tuesday

I stared at the golden liquid in my glass, but the beauty of the wine couldn't take away the misery I was feeling. Inside the wine cellar it was cool and dark and I was glad that the light was dim. My face was beginning to show the strains of this holiday and I was certain I'd be returning home looking far older than my years.

Beside me, Richard was holding his wine glass up to the solitary light bulb that shone from the stone ceiling of the cellar. The fierce heat of the day had been left behind when we'd picked this vineyard in the village of Vouvray to spend a few hours tasting wine. We'd had another morning of silence and recriminations and I was now seriously worried that our shaky marriage would not survive this holiday.

Last night, Mike had held me in his arms as I sobbed and sobbed and my husband had appeared on the terrace to witness our embrace. There had been a moment of terrible awkwardness as Mike pulled away from me and held his hands out to Richard.

"I'm sorry, I was just comforting Louise. She seemed so unhappy."

Richard had pushed past him and tried to hold me, but I was so angry with him for deceiving me about the hotel and Jake that I couldn't bear to touch him. Everything now seemed contrived and I wondered just how far back this had been planned.

"I'll go," Mike had said and I watched him as he walked back into the hotel, his shoulders displaying the tension he was no doubt feeling. I'd been surprised when he'd appeared and comforted me, but that seemed his natural response to my sadness. He hadn't said anything, just held me and let me cry, but I could sense his sympathy and his concern.

It felt so good to be held like that with no questions asked. No attempt to offer advice or interfere with what was going on with my marriage and although we hardly spoke, there was a wealth of understanding that had never been between Richard and me in all our years of being together.

After Mike had left, I went up to the room, while Richard went back to say goodnight. He hadn't asked what the matter was and it was a good hour before he reappeared, his breath smelling of the brandy he'd been drinking and the cigars that had no doubt been smoked and enjoyed.

I pretended to be asleep and I felt him get into bed, his breathing suddenly turning heavy as he fell asleep. I lay awake most of the night, feeling again the sensation of Mike's arms around me, his spicy scent and the wonderful knowledge that, somehow and so unexpectedly, he was there for me. 

Over breakfast in the morning we didn't see either Jake or Mike, and Richard told me that they were having an early start before heading home. Jake was still looking forward to welcoming us to his house and I accepted the news with a sudden sense of defeat. I no longer cared about anything any more. I just longed for this holiday to be over so we could return home and sort out the mess that was our lives. I missed the children unbearably and yearned for my mother's presence. Never had I felt so alone with my husband, and so vulnerable.

Now, as we tasted the beautiful wine in silence, there was a deep feeling of tension between us and I could sense Richard's suspicions about Mike and why he had been holding me. The days ahead of us, already uncomfortable, were now verging on the unbearable as Mike had confirmed he'd be there too, his presence causing a shiver of anticipation to run through me like an electric shock.

"You want a case of this?"

I looked at Richard as he picked up the bottle of Vouvray and examined the label. "No, just a few bottles will be fine."

"We'll get a case," he said shortly and made to go back up the cellar steps. I followed him in resignation, tears pricking the back of my eyes. 

"I'll buy it."

He turned to look at me in surprise. "What did you say?" 

"I said, I'll buy it. I enjoy the wine more than you do, so I'll buy it."

"What with?"

"My savings. I transferred some money into my own account before we came on holiday. To buy the kids some presents."

"Don't be silly. I'm buying, Louise."

I thought of the money in my account and wondered how long it would last us if our credit cards were no longer accepted. Maybe it would be a good thing to happen. We could cut short this disastrous holiday and just go home.

Upstairs in the shop, Richard ordered a case of the 2000 vintage. "Oh, and I'll have a case of the '96 as well, please."

"But, Richard..."

"What's the matter? You wanted some wine, didn't you?"

"Yes, but not two cases! A couple of bottles would have been enough!"

"Two please," he confirmed, taking his wallet out of his pocket and ignoring my words completely.

A feeling of terrible frustration filled me, swiftly followed by one of panic. As the female member of staff took Richard's credit card, the group of fellow Brits who had been tasting in the cellar with us, made their way up to the shop as well, their loud voices shattering the peace around us. I dreaded our card being refused now, how embarrassing it would be to fumble around and find another way of paying, how they would know what the problem was.

But I held my breath, the card went through and Richard helped the woman carry the cases out to the car. The boot was now full of boxes and I knew that when we got home, I wouldn't be able enjoy the wine. It would have too many bad memories.

"Lunch, I think."

I agreed and we drove back to Amboise in silence, the unspoken questions hovering between us.

*

"Richard, we need to talk about our money situation." 

We were seated in a pretty courtyard, the scent of flowers filling the air and a bottle of rose wine open on the table. Our starters had been cleared and Richard had just finished talking to my father on his mobile, the sudden call making both of us jump with nerves.

"What's there to talk about?"

"I want you to call the credit card company and check the balance available."

"Why?"

"Because every time you use it I'm convinced that it's going to be declined."

"Louise, I know what I'm doing. Just relax, for God's sake! The limit's about fifteen grand. We haven't spent that much yet."

"We need to sort out what we're going to do when we get home. What did my father want?"

He took a long sip of wine and sighed. "Just something about a new customer we managed to win before I left. Just a minor detail."

"Where does Jake fit into all this?"

My husband took another sip and managed to avoid looking at me. "Why are you convinced Jake is the bad guy? He told me last night that you were a bit off with him when he met you in the car park."

I was stunned. "So you all sat there and discussed me, did you? Poor little Louise, she's in such a state at the moment. I can just imagine it!"

"There you go again! For heaven's sake, relax! Jake's just an old friend who, very generously, is offering to put us up for almost a week and give us a good time. I don't know what your bloody problem is."

"I don't trust him."

"Well you certainly trusted Mike, didn't you?"

So there, the accusation was out. All day we'd been skirting around the subject, but now it was in the open and I felt myself slowly exhale as I looked at my husband.

"You don't understand, do you?"

"Understand what?"

"How, by just being there for me, he made me feel so much better."

Richard narrowed his eyes. "You looked bloody cosy to me. And why were you crying?"

I hesitated. How could I begin to tell him that in his and Jake's company I felt so ignored and belittled. How I was crying tears of frustration and anger, and that instinctively, Mike knew just how I was feeling?

"Jake just seems to bring out the worst in me."

"He doesn't normally cause that reaction in women."

I felt myself blush under his stare and thought back to the other night when I'd fantasised about making love to Jake. How I still felt a small part of that attraction, despite my dislike of him and my new feelings for Mike.

"He's dangerous. I just don't know how to act when he's around."

"Nonsense. There's nothing wrong with him. That's just the way he is."

I fiddled with my napkin and looked away. I could still feel Mike's arms around me and yearned to feel them again. Last night I'd finally drifted off to sleep but not before I'd thought about him making love to me, his kisses covering my face and breasts...


"I never thought I'd see you in the arms of another man, though."

"I was just upset. Missing the children and still in shock after what you said about the house."

"It'll be sorted. I know it will."

Our main courses arrived and I spread my napkin back over my lap, my hands shaking slightly with nerves. I felt queasy and looking at the slices of duck breast before me, I knew I wouldn't be able to eat much at all.

"What's going on with us?" Richard said quietly and I looked up in surprise. "It's not like you to let another man hold you like that. In all our years together, I've never known that before."

We looked at each other and I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes. Guilt flooded through me as I thought back to last night, how good it felt to be held by Mike and that, if it had been Richard who'd attempted to comfort me, I'd have pushed him away.

"I know I haven't been around much just lately, but I was only trying to run the business without involving you."

"Why didn't you tell me what was going on? I'm still part of the company, Richard. I'm not stupid!"

"I know that," he said. "I was trying to do too much."

He put his hand out and placed it over mine but all I felt was resentment. "Don't you think that we could have worked this out together? Even my mother kept the truth from me."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry."

"Before we had the children I used to run the place with you. I didn't lose my brain when I had them, you know."

He sighed heavily and picked at the fillet of beef on his plate. "Louise, I know that. But you just seemed to have so much to do with the kids and I didn't want to add to your worries. We all thought it best if you just concentrated on the house and the children while we ran the business."

"Did you ever think about asking my opinion? I would love to have had more of an input into what was going on."

"But you were so busy...every night you looked shattered. How could I discuss things with you when you were so obviously exhausted by the kids?"

I thought back to the last couple of years and had to admit I always seemed to be tired. The sheer boredom of being cooped up all day with the children who thrived on being demanding had taken its toll on me and I remembered all the nights Richard had arrived home and I'd been too tired to even talk to him.

"We could have taken on help with the children if things had been that bad. Put them in a Nursery or employed a Nanny. I didn't know that you needed help."

We sat in silence, both thinking back over the years and the lapses in communication that would have perhaps averted this crisis in our marriage. Was it too late now to go back and try and change things? Or were the cracks in our marriage far too deep to ever be mended?

*

No more was said at lunch and after we finished the meal, I left Richard to go and look around the town. Amboise was bursting with quaint little shops and I saw so much that I wanted to buy, but managed to restrain myself. There was no way I could spend money like I used to, but I enjoyed being on my own, the freedom of strolling around the picturesque town a welcome change from the tension of the day.

Turning a corner I came across a small bar and sank into a chair to enjoy a cup of coffee and do a spot of people watching. The place was busy but I attracted the attention of a waiter and ordered a large café au lait with a slice of chocolate cake to go with it. I felt wonderfully decadent, but I decided it was just what I needed to relax with, the situation managing to make me feel happier as I sat alone and watched the people all around me.

It was so rare that I was alone these days. At home the children were a constant presence and although they were at school during the day, I was often out shopping or running errands and the thought of a few hours by myself just soaking up the atmosphere of this pretty town was a welcome balm to my spirits.

The sun was out and I sat back in the chair and closed my eyes, half-listening to the sounds of the old town around me. Women indulging in the same sort of treat as me chattered non-stop and I had a sudden urge to have a female friend with me, someone who I could confide in and talk over the problems. I thought back to the acquaintances I had at home and realised that there were few people who I could share my feelings with. My mother was a friend as well as a relative, but in the small exclusive village where we lived, the image of doing well at all costs seemed to be of the utmost importance and to admit that you were having problems was just never discussed.

At school, I chatted with the other mothers, but there was no-one who I was able to sit down with over a glass of wine and share confidences with. Another woman to giggle with, cry with and confide in.

Just as the waiter brought me my coffee, my mobile phone rang, the noise making me jump with nerves. Glancing at the screen, I didn't recognise the number and answered cautiously.

"Louise? It's Mike..."

I felt my heart suddenly hammer in my chest as I heard his voice, his deep tones making my pulse race.

"How are you today? I was so worried about you yesterday."

"I'm fine, Mike. Thanks so much for last night. I didn't mean to do that."

"Of course not. It just happens. Did your husband say anything?"

I paused. I couldn't really recount my conversation with Richard and his obvious suspicion, but Mike needed to know that my behaviour had caused a reaction. "My husband was surprised, I must admit. He'd never seen me in the arms of another man before."

"I'm sorry, Louise. You just seemed so upset and Jake was being so bloody arrogant at dinner. He's always like that when he's had a drink. No excuse I know, but he can be an idiot at times, and I'm speaking as his best friend! He laughed and I smiled. There was no mistaking the affection between the two men and I hardly expected Mike to bad mouth Jake.

"Look, Louise. I just want you to know that you're welcome at Jake's house. He's really looking forward to you both coming to stay. He's arranged no end of outings and dinners and I must admit I'm looking forward to seeing more of you, too."

I held my breath as he continued. "I think you and Richard need to relax for a few days and there's no better place than Jake's house. You'll get on well with Jilly, too. She's great."

"Did Jake ask you to call me?"

"No, of course not. I just sensed the tension between you both last night and wanted to make you feel better. Richard mentioned that you sometimes felt uncomfortable staying with friends."

"What else did my husband mention, Mike?"

He laughed softly. "Nothing, Louise. We just chatted a bit, drank a bit too much brandy and then he said goodnight. It would have been great if you'd been there to keep us in order."

I smiled but still felt anger at Richard for discussing me behind my back. I had a feeling they all saw me as a hysterical female, my behaviour prompting mentions of mid-life crises and female problems.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Straight after breakfast," I replied. "It's a long drive."

"Yes, it is. Go careful. Having just met you I'd like to get to know you more."

His words caused a twist of desire to shoot through me again and I stammered over my reply. "Oh...thanks. Will your wife be there as well?"

He laughed. "I'm not married but my girlfriend will be there, yes. She's lovely too, you'll get on with her, I'm sure."

His words were like a stab of disappointment. Had I misjudged his feelings last night? And was I so desperate for affection that I latched onto whoever was available?

"Ok, Louise, I have to run, I'll see you both tomorrow. Give my regards to Richard."

I said goodbye and hung up, but the mood of relaxation had disappeared and I felt a vague restlessness descend on me, the chocolate cake now the last thing I wanted. I drained my coffee, left some euros on the table and left, fighting the desire to call my mother and speak to the children. All I craved was some normality back in my life. Things seemed to be out of my control at the moment and I felt myself being swept along on a tide of change without any idea of how I was going to stop.

*

Back at the hotel, Richard was lying on the bed asleep, a football match playing by itself on the television set. I glanced at him and studied his face which I knew so well. He looked more relaxed in sleep and I wondered whether he was as worried about the state of our finances as I was. Did he have a secret plan that I knew nothing about?

Edging around the bed I decided to start packing and lifted the suitcase down from the top of the wardrobe. The noise woke Richard who stared at me in incomprehension for a second.

"What time is it?"

I looked at my watch and was surprised to see it was almost six o'clock. "Do you want to go down to the bar for a drink?"

"Maybe," he muttered, yawning and running his fingers through his hair. "Why don't you join me here for a minute?"

"I'm going to pack, Richard. I thought you wanted an early start tomorrow?"

He stared at me and I saw a look of irritation pass over his face. "Leave it, Louise. We can do it later."

"We? Don't you mean me?"

"I'll help you. Come here for a minute..."

I ignored him and carried on folding clothes to put in the suitcase. "I spoke to Mike this afternoon. He called me on my mobile."

"Oh yes? And what did he have to say?"

"That Jake was looking forward to us staying with him. That he'd planned a lot of things for us to do."

"So?"

"Well, that's unusual isn't it? He didn't know we were coming until a few days ago so how could he arrange all these things so suddenly?"

Richard sighed again and sat up. "No matter what I say you're going to suspect him of some wrongdoing aren't you?"

"I can't help it. I keep feeling that he knows more than he's letting on and that you and he arranged this whole trip without me knowing."

"How could I have arranged to meet him like that at Dover? We were supposed to have been on the early evening ferry."

I hesitated. "Well, you could have mentioned to me that you knew someone in the Dordogne during the holiday."

Richard stood and stretched. "Now, you're being silly and neurotic."

"Am I? Are you sure this isn't just an elaborate plan to meet up with Jake and get him to put up some money to save the business?"

"If that was the case, why didn't I just meet up with him at home? Why go to all the trouble of meeting him on holiday?"

I shrugged. I'd had enough of all the questions and worries going around and around in my head. I wanted to stop thinking about Jake, the business, our money worries.

Richard came to stand behind me and put his arms around my waist. I stiffened and he sensed my rejection. "What's up?"

"Nothing," I replied, pulling away and putting the clothes into the case. "I'm just tired, that's all."

"Come and lay down then."

My husband's tone was persuasive and I felt a sudden stab of irritation. He seemed to be able to switch his worries on and off while I couldn't stop thinking about the days ahead and how we were going to get through them.

"Louise, for heaven's sake, stop fussing with that and come here."

I sighed and turned to face Richard who was lying on the bed, his robe open slightly. I could see his erection and he was looking at me, a strange expression on his face.

"I want a shower, Richard. I feel grubby in this heat."




Staring at the Sun Ch. 05



He sat up and swung his legs onto the floor. "This is about Mike, isn't it? You've been acting strangely all day."

"No, it's not," I sighed, pulling my dress over my head. I felt hot and uncomfortable and yearned for a long shower to wash away the feeling. Unclipping my bra I felt my breasts spill out of the lacy confines and breathed a sigh of relief. I could see my reflection in the long mirror opposite and watched as Richard came up behind me, naked now, his cock sticking out in front of him like a probe.

"Not now, Richard, please. I just need a shower."

My husband ignored me and rubbed the tip of his erection against my bottom which was still covered by my lace pants. "Come on, Louise. Let's make the most of this time alone."

I turned around to protest but he kissed me hard on the mouth, taking me by surprise and pushing me down on the bed.

"You gave me such a shock," he moaned, fumbling with my pants and managing to pull them down over my thighs. "When I saw you with Mike, it gave me the strangest feeling."

"Why?" I gasped as he put his weight on top of me. "You know it meant nothing."

"Did it?" he forced my mouth open again and pushed his tongue inside. I struggled slightly but he pinned me down, his erection digging into my upper thigh as he leant over me.

Forcing my legs apart, he rose up and looked down at me as I lay there, my mouth sore from his kisses and the stubble that covered his chin.

"Don't say you didn't enjoy it, Louise...you were clinging to him like a drowned rat."

"No...I didn't know he was going to do that, Richard. He just put his arms around me..."

"You didn't push him away, though, did you? You want to do this with him, Louise? Huh? Have sex with him?"

I shook my head, the first tears appearing at the corner of my eyes. "No, of course not. He was just comforting me, that's all."

He responded by kissing me harder and I felt the tip of his cock resting against my pussy lips. I didn't want to make love with him like this, but Richard was obviously very turned on and he was determined to be inside me, despite my reluctance.

"Are you thinking of him now?"

I opened my eyes in surprise to see him staring straight at me. "I'm not stupid, Louise. I saw how you looked at him through the meal. How his eyes were constantly on you."

I shook my head again. "No, Richard, that's not true."

"Turn around."

He pulled me up and made me face the mirror on my knees and then positioned himself behind me, his hands gripping my waist. "I want you to watch us as we do this, Louise. I want to remind you that I'm your husband."

I was shocked by his behaviour. Normally such a gentle and considerate lover, had jealousy changed his attitude towards me? 

"Richard, please stop this. There's nothing going on between Mike and me. I've only just met him."

He ignored me and I felt him rub his cock up and down my pussy lips. Despite my reluctance I felt turned on by his behaviour and aroused by the sight of us together in the mirror. My long hair was in disarray and my face was flushed with the warmth in the room. I could see Richard's erection and my smooth back glistened slightly with perspiration.

I lowered my head and Richard entered me with a single thrust, his hands gripping my hips and steadying his movements.

"Are you watching us?" he groaned and I lifted my head to see him slam slowly into me from behind. "God, you feel good, Louise."

I was now turned on more than ever and I could feel my insides twist with the arousal I was experiencing. We had never done anything like this before and I found myself enjoying the sight of us having sex immensely. There was no way I could fantasise about anyone else as Richard took hold of my hair and kept my head up, his eyes boring into mine with an almost frightening intensity.

The sight of Mike and I together must have really unnerved him, I thought. I had always been totally faithful, and still was, so maybe I had unleashed some sort of desire within my husband that he was only now just discovering.

Richard seemed to be taking his time and enjoying the new sensations as much as I was. Occasionally he closed his eyes and moaned, and I felt even more aroused by the sight of his pleasure. I licked my fingers and slowly rubbed my nipples, enjoying the sight of them hardening and growing in the mirror. Taking one of Richard's hands I placed it on my left breast and then reached down to rub the hard nub of my clitoris, the touch of my fingers increasing my enjoyment.

"Oh yes, Louise...touch yourself there."

I moaned and my husband quickened his movements to match the small circles I was making, each rotation bringing me closer and closer to my orgasm, which I suspected was going to be one of the best I had ever experienced. The whole arousal was having an amazing effect one me, the pleasure radiating out from my groin and spreading through my body. Richard's hand on my breast was hard and insistent and I felt like I was about to explode with the sensations flooding through me.

"Ohhh, Richard," I moaned, opening my eyes and watching my husband move hard and fast into me. "It's going to be soon, don't stop..."

He responded immediately and his hands gripped my hips again, using my body to steady himself and thrust into me harder and faster than I'd ever known before. My face was flushed red and the sweat was dripping off Richard's face and falling onto my back. The sound of our bodies coming together in the silence of the room was erotic as well, our moans and sighs echoing around the walls and causing me to lose it completely.

I felt as if I was falling and the spasms and shocks of pleasure just kept on growing. I closed my eyes and my mind was a jumble of faces – Richard, Mike and Jake and I gasped out loud. I could feel Richard thrust one last time before he erupted inside me, his semen shooting deep into me, his cries and grunts mixing with my moans of ecstasy.

He held on to me tightly and I pushed back at him allowing him to go deep inside, the feeling so delicious and intense I nearly cried. Sex had never been this good and it was ironic that it had taken conflict and jealousy to enable us to experience the pleasure we were both feeling.

We stayed like that for what seemed like ages, but there was no loving affection between us. This had been raw sex and I suddenly wanted to be held and cuddled, wanted to curl up and hold my husband tight as we came down from the incredible high we had created.

But he pulled out of me and went immediately into the bathroom and I heard the gush of water from the shower begin. I looked at myself in the mirror again, noticing the red marks over my breasts, my hair wild about my face and my small triangle of hair glistening with my juices. I thought about what Mike would say now if he could see me and wondered also whether he ever would...

*

We spent the evening avoiding delicate topics and took a bottle of Vouvray out onto the terrace where we'd had a drink with Mike and Jake the night before. It was a beautiful evening, warm and sultry, the air alive with tiny flies and insects. Neither of us were hungry after lunch and we made do with a bowl of peanuts and some olives, our conversation carefully controlled and concerning talk of the children.

"I miss them," I said simply, raising the glass to my lips. "I miss their chatter and demands. I never thought I would hear myself say that!"

Richard smiled and reached for an olive. "I agree but I still think we should have taken more time for ourselves. We were always so caught up with work and the house."

"It happens to everyone, we're not the only ones."

"No, I agree."

Silence again and we watched a young couple make their way to the hotel entrance. Their faces were animated with laughter and I felt a stab of envy as the man leaned down to kiss the woman on her mouth. They paused and held each other tightly and I could feel the tears start again. Where had all my hopes gone? My dreams of a happy marriage, children and a good life had been shattered recently. Everything was just consumed with stress.

The early days of our relationship had been wonderful. We could never get enough of each other and spent whole afternoons in bed making love and exploring each other's bodies. Why did that have to stop just because we were married?

"What are you thinking?"

I jumped slightly and felt myself blush. "Just the early days of our marriage. Do you remember?"

Richard shrugged and took a sip of wine. "I can't remember last week, let alone years ago."

My heart sank in disappointment. Surely those days of fun and laughter weren't forgotten entirely? If so, what was the point?

"Stop living in the past, Louise. We're still together, aren't we? We'll get through this."

But I took no comfort from his words. There was a gap between us now and I wasn't sure if we could ever bridge it again. I felt he didn't trust me to be an equal partner in either the marriage or the business and my self-confidence had taken a severe jolt. With the arrival of Jake and his sexist assumptions, my feelings of inadequacy had increased.

I resisted the urge to bring up the subject of the business again, knowing it would just turn into a heated argument. But I couldn't relax and I felt tense and on edge.

"Can we go for a walk?"

My husband stared at me in amazement. "What now?"

"I just feel so restless."

"Relax, Louise. It's late. We're getting up early in the morning, don't forget. I want to get to Jake's as soon as we can, unpack and enjoy."

My stomach flipped at the thought of the next few days. The false happiness I would need to portray, the small talk with the other wives and partners who would be judging us and trying to work out what sort of house we had, where the children went to school, whether our car was the right model or not.

I sighed and Richard reached for my hand. "Come on, early night. I'm tired."

He yawned loudly and I reluctantly rose from the table to follow him up to our room. Sounds of laughter and talk floated over to us from the outside dining area and a feeling of depression settled over me like a grey cloud.

Once in the room, Richard littered the floor with his clothes and was in bed before I had a chance to remind him about the rest of the packing. I undressed, had a wash and cleaned my teeth and climbed in next to him. His eyes were closed and I knew that he was asleep so with a sigh I turned out the light and lay awake in the darkness, my mind racing along with thoughts of the children, the holiday and our stay with Jake.

I knew I was going to find it impossible to sleep and my hand strayed to my vagina where I parted the soft folds of skin and stroked gently. The intense feelings were still with me from this afternoon and I closed my eyes to concentrate on the pleasure I was giving myself. Mike's face appeared before my eyes and I moaned, one finger slipping inside to feel the wetness spreading around my pussy.

My right hand found the little swell of my clitoris and I felt the sweet delicious sensations start to radiate out once again. I imagined Mike there with me and with my left hand I started to massage my right breast, enjoying its fullness and wanting to picture Mike's dark head nestled against the creaminess of my skin. 

But as my hand worked its way over my skin, its progress eased by the juices from my pussy, I felt something terrifying and totally unexpected. Hidden underneath the smooth curves of my breast I felt a tiny hard lump and all worries of the business and my relationship shrank into sudden insignificance...



Staring at the Sun Ch. 06



Chapter 6 – Wednesday

The early hours of the morning are a terrible time to be awake. After my frightening discovery I had lain awake for ages, fighting against the panic that had been with me since I'd found the small lump in my breast. The desire I'd been feeling had disappeared immediately and my first thought was to rush to the phone and call my mother. I knew her wise reassurance would help with the fear I was experiencing but it was far too late in the evening and the last thing I wanted to do was worry her. This was the third time I'd found a small lump in my breasts and the other two had been benign. My dread was that this time I wouldn't be so lucky.

Richard was snoring beside me and I envied him his lack of anxiety. I debated about whether to tell him or not; he had enough to worry about at the moment, but this was far more serious for me than the problems with the business and our marriage. It truly put those issues into perspective.

After succumbing to sleep at last, I was awake again as the morning sun streamed through the windows. Glancing at the clock I saw it was 5am and knowing that I'd never get back to an unconscious state I got out of bed and had a shower. Standing there with the hot water gushing over me, I felt out the lump once again. It was still there, a tiny bead that held so many fears for me. My rational self stressed again that it was benign, a consequence of my female hormones, and I willed myself to remain calm, but I noticed my hands were shaking as I towelled myself dry.

Richard was awake when I went back into the bedroom, yawning and looking at his watch with confusion.

"It's early. What's up?"

I hesitated. Part of me wanted to tell him, but I knew that he couldn't handle subjects like this. He always shied away from health issues and with both children he had preferred to pace the corridor outside while I had pushed and yelled his two offspring into the world. As a way of trying to help, he would insist that I contact a French doctor and there would be another argument when I refused. 

"I'm fine, the sun woke me."

He looked at me closely for a minute and then disappeared into the bathroom where I heard the flush of the toilet. I pulled on a hotel bathrobe and opened the suitcase which was half-full of folded clothes. It was still too early to go down to breakfast so I finished the packing, my mind on other things, half of me still wanting to share my news but dreading his response.

An hour later, we were both quiet as we sipped coffee and spread jam on our croissants. My stomach was churning with nerves and I was amazed I was able to eat anything at all, let alone the flaky pastry that seemed to stick in my throat.

"There's something wrong, Louise. What is it?"

I looked up in surprise at his words. "What makes you say that?"

"You seem distracted. Are you really dreading this so much?"

"If I am, what can we do about it? Jake's expecting us now and we'd look pretty silly if we suddenly refused to go and see him."

"Look, I'll make this up to you, I promise. When everything's sorted out and things return to normal we'll go away for a break."

I looked at him and almost laughed. That was so typical of Richard. Ignore the real issues and just try and plaster over the cracks. Spend more money on a holiday that neither of us really wanted and pretend everything was fine.

I shrugged my shoulders and refilled my coffee cup. "We'll see."

"You say that to the children...am I relegated to that position now?"

I sighed. "No, Richard. I just don't think we should make any plans at the moment. How can we?"

"Have it your way," he answered and glared at me, his face showing the irritation he was feeling.

"I just want to get this over with and then go home. I feel as if this holiday has been ruined, Richard. It's just been one long ordeal."

For one moment I thought he was going to explode but he managed to contain his anger. "Right, OK, you've made your point perfectly clear, Louise. We'll go and see Jake and then head home after the weekend. How's that?"

I stared at him for a minute, feeling all my frustration and anger well up in me again. It was obvious he was now going to blame me for our sudden return but I no longer cared.

After breakfast, we packed the car and went to pay the bill for our two nights. I couldn't bear to stay with Richard while he paid, dreading the consequences if our card was declined, and went out to the car, enjoying the warmth of the sunshine and the clear morning sky. 

I sat in the car with my eyes closed and felt out the lump again. Another wave of panic swept through me and my hand hovered over the car phone, the temptation to call my mother almost unbearable. But what could she do when she was so far away? 

Richard appeared and by the look on his face I knew that we had got away with using the card again. He sat down in the driving seat and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, Louise. Let's forget what we said at breakfast shall we? I'm as fed up as you are with this atmosphere between us."

He started up the engine and we began our long journey to the wine town of Cahors in the Dordogne. The day was beautiful, the sun shone down on the car and in any other circumstances I would have felt wonderful. The open road before us, the air-conditioning keeping us cool, the prospect of a stay with friends. But it all felt so wrong, somehow. There was doubt and uncertainty everywhere and with the added worry of my health I just felt like curling up in a ball and forgetting the world for a while. I yearned for the carefree days before the holiday when my biggest decision was what colour to paint the kitchen.

I felt a terrible churning in my stomach as I thought ahead to the investigations that would be carried out when I got home. The waiting for the outcome, the fear and anxiety and how it would affect my family. Could I cope with all this, I wondered?

Once on the motorway, Richard put his foot down and the miles were covered with ease. We didn't talk much and I stared out of the window at the passing scenery, my thoughts consumed by hospitals and doctors. When the mobile phone rang I jumped with nerves, my hand shaking as I picked it up.

"Louise? Hi, it's Jake here."

My heart immediately raced at his voice and I forced myself to sound normal. "Oh, hello Jake. We're on our way."

"Do you need directions? I told Richard where we are but he may have forgotten."

"I think we're OK Jake, thanks. Richard's marked the village on the map and I've been given the job of navigating."

Richard laughed and shouted so Jake could hear. "We'll get lost, no doubt about that. Send out a search party if we're not there by midnight."

I laughed but felt again that twist of annoyance. My husband seemed determined to make me appear stupid in front of Jake.

"Don't worry, Louise. We're easy to find. Tell your husband he's a rude bastard. And we'll expect you early afternoon. Time for a swim, hey?"

I laughed again and said goodbye, his warm tones still ringing in my ears as I imagined his rustic farmhouse, the glittering pool and the equally glittering people that would be there too. I sighed again and Richard glanced at me as he drove.

"What's up?"

"Nothing. I'm just wondering if the clothes I have with me will be suitable."

"Suitable for what?"

"Well, the dinners that Jake's planning to give, all the parties."

"Louise, for heaven's sake! You've brought enough stuff to last you months!"

"You don't know what it'll be like, Richard. The women there, they'll be examining my clothes, searching for designer labels, giving me the once-over."

Richard burst out laughing. "You amaze me sometimes. It's just a bloody farmhouse in some godforsaken part of the Dordogne. We're not talking Paris or Rome, you know."

I stayed silent and carried on gazing out of the window, mentally going through my wardrobe and picking out outfits for the next few days. I imagined Jilly (her name even irritated me) swooping about her domain in designer dresses, her blonde highlighted hair glinting in the sun.

"Have you ever met Jilly Harper?"

My husband cleared his throat and paused while he overtook a tiny Citroen. "No, I haven't. Heard a lot about her though."

"Such as what?"

Another look of irritation. "Oh, hell I don't know, Louise! Why are you so interested?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I just wanted to know that's all. I wanted to know a little about the woman who puts up with Jake."

My sarcastic comment sparked an hour's silence between us as we headed south, the outside temperature growing by the hour. The fields either side of us were baking under the relentless sun and I had to admit that the idea of a swim was appealing.

"How long?" I asked and glanced at the map. "Tell me when we get near."

Richard grunted and I turned the map upside down. "Do you know where we are?"

An exit sign flashed by and I swore. "Damn! Can't you slow down a bit? How can I see where we are if you drive like a maniac?"

Richard took his foot off the accelerator and pulled into the inside lane as I examined the map again. "Shall we stop for some lunch?" "I don't mind. Just tell me where."

"There's a large town coming up, Brive-la-Gaillarde," I replied. "I want to buy something for Jilly."

Richard whistled in amazement. "You want to what?"

"Buy something for Jilly...and Jake, I suppose."

"Why?"

"Because we can't just turn up with nothing, can we?"

"We've got cases of wine in the back! Won't a few bottles do?"

"No."

Richard laughed. "Ah, I see! This is all about feminine competition, isn't it? It's not really a gift for them, it's a statement."

I ignored him and stared out of the window, the bright sun making me squint as I read the road signs. What would I buy someone I'd never met? But equally whom I'd never wanted to meet in the first place?

*

After a light lunch of baguettes and coffee, I left Richard sitting outside a café and wandered around the shops. My hand kept straying to my mobile again, but I resisted the urge to call home. Finding a smart household goods shop I wandered in and spotted a crystal vase, the price tag making me hesitate for a while, but I was determined not to show up as the poor relative. I loathed being in debt to anyone and I knew that after this stay with the Harpers, I would feel beholden to them for life. The expensive vase was the only way I could feel a little better about the whole affair.

The charming assistant gift-wrapped it for me and I looked around the shop, seeing so many beautiful items that would have been wonderful in my own home. Ordinarily, I would have splurged on credit but it seemed that those days were over. 

Walking back to the café I caught sight of Richard talking into his mobile. His voice was animated and although I couldn't catch his words, seeing how happy he looked twisted me up inside. What had happened between us to make him so irritated with me? So annoyed and angry one minute, then filled with remorse the next?

As I approached, he turned away slightly and finished his call, his fingers running through his thick dark hair. Draining the last of his coffee he stood and asked, "All done?"

I nodded and he looked down at the shiny plastic bag I was carrying. "What did you get them?"

"A vase. It's crystal. Do you think that's OK?"

He shrugged. "I suppose so, but I'm sure a couple of bottles of Burgundy would have been more than enough."

"Who was on the phone?"

"Just your father."

"You looked pretty animated. Good news?"

His look of confusion surprised me. "Good news about what?"

"I don't know, Richard. You just seemed so happy. I thought maybe my father had some good news."

By way of an answer he took my arm and almost pulled me back to the car park. "Come on, we need to get going. I said we'd be there by two."

The next hour was almost silent, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Richard kept his foot pressed down on the accelerator and the miles sped by while I studied the map, determined to guide us straight to the village where Jake lived without making a single mistake.

Once off the motorway we followed small rural roads, the signs almost obscured by the abundant summer foliage. Tiny hamlets appeared at intervals, and large dark forests cut the glare of the sun, making it easier for me to read the map. Every now and again I read out a direction to Richard and he followed my instructions, our sudden teamwork lightening the atmosphere in the car.

Eventually we entered the tiny village where Jake had chosen his second home and I breathed a sigh of relief as we recognised the name of the farmhouse engraved on a stone wall.

"Well done." Richard looked at me and smiled. "That was difficult, I must admit. It's like a maze around here."

With a crunch of tyres, we pulled up outside the house and I gasped. Jake's assertions that it was a crumbling shack were obviously a lie and I wondered why he hadn't just told us the truth. The house was huge and took up three sides of a courtyard. Made of a mellow local stone, the shuttered windows glinted softly in the afternoon sun. The paintwork was subtle, smart and screamed money and taste. Semi-derelict it certainly wasn't.

At the sound of the car, three large dogs hurtled out of the house and surrounded the car, barking madly. They were followed closely by Jake himself, casually dressed in scruffy shorts and a tee shirt but despite his attire he still looked suave and stylish, my traitorous heart leaping as he smiled at me through the window.

"Hi!" he shouted above the din. "You found us then! Any problems?"

Richard gingerly opened the car door and got out. The dogs fawned around him, tails wagging and tongues lolling as he stroked them. "What a great place! It's beautiful!"

Jake smiled and looked at me as I emerged from the car too. "Yes, we get by, I suppose. Still needs some work doing on it though."

I smoothed my skirt and ran my hands through my hair as Richard opened the boot and took out our cases. I was conscious of feeling travel weary and hot and would have loved to have had a shower, but it seemed Jake had other plans.

"Dump your things and then come around to the back of the house. Mike's here with Lisa and some other couples who are staying."

I glanced at Richard in despair but he was already walking with Jake to a far corner of the courtyard, so I picked up my holdall and followed them, my heart sinking as I imagined the scene about to greet me.

Our rooms were tastefully decorated and furnished and I heaved the luggage onto the bed and sat down. Obviously Jilly had taken great care with the interior of the house and I couldn't help admiring the heavy curtains, starched bed linen and thick carpets. Our bathroom was spotlessly clean and smelt brand new. No expense had been spared.

"This is fantastic," said Richard as he gazed out of the window at the view. Behind our bedroom was a small sitting area with an outlook over the vineyards. I could hear shouts and screams of laughter and went to look at myself in the mirror in the bathroom, dreading what awaited me.

Despite the heat of the sun, my face still looked pale and I noticed my mascara was smeared on one cheek. My hair looked messy and dry and I could see shadows under my eyes where I had been sleeping so badly. Sighing I found my make-up bag and tried to conceal the dark smudges, applying some more lipstick and running a comb through my hair.

Richard came into the bathroom and noisily peed behind me, a sigh of contentment escaping from his lips. "This is great! I can't believe we're staying somewhere so beautiful."

I didn't answer and carried on trying to repair the damage to my face, my hands shaking slightly as I applied some blusher to my cheeks.

"Are you coming?"

"Yes, hang on a minute. I look a mess."

"Louise, for heaven's sake! No-one will care what you look like."

Snapping my make-up bag shut, I followed Richard back into the bedroom, gazing down at my creased clothes in dismay. "Have I got time to change?"

He rounded on me with a look of amazement on his face. "No! Let's just go! I'm dying for a drink."

He ushered me out of the room and back into the glare of the afternoon sun. I felt over-dressed and grubby, my eyes sore from concentrating so hard on the map. To the right of the main house was a narrow walkway and I followed Richard as he strode towards the source of the noise. I could hear splashes and screams and ran my fingers through my hair again, my stomach churning at the thought of meeting so many new people.

The narrow path gave out onto a broad terrace and I was overwhelmed by the sight of the azure pool, the table and chairs set out under the shade of a large tree, the sheer amount of people gathered together.

Jake broke away from the group and came over to us, taking my hands in his and kissing me on both cheeks. "Louise! You look beautiful!"

I knew full well I didn't but Jake had turned his attention to Richard and was leading him over to a group of men who were standing, drinks in hand, in a small knot. Loud laughter was coming from their part of the terrace and I saw one of the men hold his hand out to Richard with a grin.

I was left alone and my stomach heaved with nerves. Anxiously scanning the group for the only other person I knew, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Turning, I looked straight into Mike's warm brown eyes and sighed with relief. "Mike! How are you?"

He smiled and kissed me, his lips warm and tender on my cheek. "I'm fine, Louise. More importantly, how are you?"

I shrugged my shoulders and suddenly had the insane desire to cry again. Fighting back the tears that his kind words had almost created I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. "I'm great, I suppose. A bit hot."

"Come with me, I'll introduce you to Lisa and Jilly. Where's Jake wandered off to?"

"He's disappeared with Richard, I think." I pointed over to the small group of men who had absorbed my husband into their midst. More laugher came from the group and I suddenly felt a wave of loneliness and anxiety wash over me. I couldn't believe I had managed to get myself into this position and felt a surge of anger towards my husband who had just left me to my own devices, knowing how much I dreaded this meeting.

"Relax, Louise. You look so tense."

I smiled but I couldn't help the nervous feeling churning away in my stomach, how inadequate I felt with my creased clothes and hastily made up face.

We walked towards the group and I knew which woman was Jake's wife straight away. She was holding court with a small crowd of women and when she saw Mike, her eyes lit up.

"Mike!" she said, "We were just wondering where you'd got to!"

He laughed and took my hand again, pulling me forward. "This is Louise, Richard's wife. I'm sure she could do with a glass of champagne!"

Jilly laughed but I noticed she was studying me carefully and I wondered whether Jake had tipped her off about my attitude.

"Louise!" she said warmly coming over to kiss me on both cheeks. "It's so lovely to meet you. Mike, go get Louise a drink!"

Mike bowed slightly and I felt a twinge of disappointment. He was flirting with Jake's wife but I couldn't really blame him. Jilly was stunningly attractive with shoulder length blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and a figure that had obviously been honed by an expensive gym. She radiated money and taste, shorts and tee-shirt immaculately pressed and colour co-ordinated. Her small crowd of admirers all wore the same uniform of tailored shorts and expensive tops, their hair expertly highlighted and coiffed. I suddenly felt shabby and very much the outsider.

Mike came back with a brimming glass of champagne and I sipped it thankfully, the cold bubbles slipping down my throat and easing the dryness I was feeling. I could see Richard entertaining the group of men, his face alight with happiness and bonhomie. He was in his element and no-one would have suspected that the last five days had been an ordeal of stress and tension.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 06



"Let me introduce you to Lisa," Mike said as he noticed my disquiet. "She's wonderful. I know you'll get on with her."

He led me over to another small table where a couple of women were chatting quietly. A pretty dark-haired woman turned to him with a smile and patted the seat next to her. 

"Louise? Mike told me you were coming. How are you?"

I sank onto the padded chair and smiled at Mike's girlfriend. The atmosphere here was so much more relaxed and friendly and I wondered whether Lisa was a true friend of Jilly's or just an acquaintance.

"Did you have a good journey?"

I nodded and took another sip of my drink. "It's a long way though. I never realised France was so large."

Lisa told me about the house she shared with Mike near Avignon and I felt myself start to relax. The champagne was having an effect as well and I wanted to just go back to our room and sleep the afternoon away, hoping that when I awoke I would feel and look better. But I couldn't. I realised that I was now part of Jake's admiring audience and I would be expected to have a good time and enjoy myself. The freedom of our holiday was a distant memory and I shuddered at the thought of being with these people for the next six days.

"Have you met Jilly before?"

I realised Lisa was talking to me and jumped slightly. "No, I haven't, but Jake's talked about her quite a bit. She seems pleasant enough."

Lisa smiled. "Yes she is, but don't let her boss you around. Both of them like to surround themselves with crowds of people and she gets off on the fact that she's the perfect hostess. If you let her, she'll bully you into everything here."

I smiled and felt that I had an accomplice. "She's certainly a beautiful woman."

Lisa nodded. "She makes sure that a lot of Jake's salary is spent at their local health farm back home. Jake's always moaning but he puts up with it."

"What does Jake actually do?"

Lisa shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not really sure. Mike tells me he owns some sort of investment company in the City, but he's always down here or playing golf. And of course, Jilly doesn't work and never has."

I felt a shot of pure envy shoot through me at her words. Such an easy and charmed life they both seemed to have while we had to work hard for every penny we earned. And even that didn't seem to be enough.

"They love to entertain. A lot of the people here are ex-pats who live in the Dordogne full-time. There's only about eight of us staying in the house."

I breathed a sigh of relief at her words. I wasn't sure whether I could cope with this amount of people every day but was now glad that I had found an ally of sorts with Lisa. The other woman sitting with us was a friend from the village but she seemed to have the same opinion as Lisa. Every Brit who lived within a few miles radius of the Harpers had been sucked into their circle of friends whether they liked it or not.

The shadows lengthened as the afternoon turned into early evening and I went to find Richard who was now chatting to a short, stockily built man, dressed rather incongruously in a loud shirt and tight shorts. A fat cigar was wedged between his pudgy fingers and I shivered with distaste.

"Ah, Louise! Enjoying yourself?"

I nodded, watching Richard's companion as his eyes lit up. "I'm going to change and get ready for dinner. Are you coming?"

"Yeah, just give me another half hour and I'll join you. This is Rob, by the way."

Rob held out his clammy hand and I shook it, the touch of his skin making me flinch slightly. "Great to meet you, Louise. Your husband's been telling me about you."

I looked at Richard in surprise, wondering what he could have been saying about me that was so interesting. "Well, I need a shower and a change of clothes. I'll go and do the unpacking, shall I?"

Richard ignored my comment and kissed me lightly on the cheek. "I won't be long. I'll bring you a glass of champagne."

Rob laughed and looked me up and down, his gaze resting on my breasts and making me feel even grubbier than before. "I wouldn't leave her alone too long, Richard!"

I heard my husband laugh as I walked away and felt a quiver of dislike. Rob seemed too friendly with Richard for a first acquaintance and I wondered again whether this whole trip had been planned for a reason. The suspicion that I was just being used was growing stronger by the day...

*

Back in the room, I stripped off to my underwear and unpacked our suitcase. A lot of my clothes were badly creased from the journey but I picked out a dress for dinner that had always suited me, the tight bodice and full skirt making me feel feminine. Putting away Richard's trousers and shirts I had a sudden urge to check his pockets but knew that was being stupid. Perhaps I was being paranoid about this holiday, imagining all sorts and letting my mind carry me away with the doubts and suspicions. One thing I knew for sure was, however, that the lump in my breast was still there and I picked up my mobile and dialled my home number.

Listening to my daughter chat on about her day made tears spring to my eyes and I had a vision of the confusion on her face if I had to tell her I was seriously ill. I couldn't bear the thought of my children growing up without me and I sat down on the edge of the bed, forcing myself to remain calm and act normally. The problems with the business seemed to shrink and although I asked about how things were, my mother was predictably cheerful and dismissive.

"Just relax and enjoy yourselves. There'll be plenty of time when you get back to talk about how things are. Your father and I are fine, the kids are being angels and there's nothing to worry about."

How I longed to confide in her, but I couldn't. If Richard kept to our agreement, we would be on our way home this time next week, our disastrous holiday a thing of the past and I yearned for the days to go by quickly.

As I said my goodbyes and rang off, the door opened and Richard walked in, a smirk on his face as he saw me in just my underwear.

"Hi, darling. You OK?"

I nodded and went to make my way into the bathroom, a hot shower all I could think about now, but he grabbed me and kissed me hard on the lips.

"You looked lovely, Louise. All the men were envious."

"Don't be silly, Richard. There were enough attractive women there this afternoon to keep the whole of the Dordogne satisfied."

He held me tightly and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Don't put yourself down. You're beautiful."

I could see a repeat of yesterday happening and pulled away to go into the bathroom. "I'm having a shower. I really feel dirty."

Richard laughed and followed me into the bathroom as I took off my underwear. Turning on the shower I stepped inside and pulled the curtain along, enjoying the feel of the hot water cascading over my tired body. I closed my eyes and thought back over the afternoon, remembering my conversation with Lisa and her friendliness. I was glad she was there as Jilly had stayed with her bunch of cronies after our introduction and I hadn't spoken to Mike or Richard at all.

Soaping myself I turned and realised that Richard had joined me, his eyes alight with desire.

"Mmm, this feels good," he said as he grabbed the sponge and rubbed it over my back. I smiled but inside I felt a sense of dread build. I really didn't feel like being intimate with my husband but I knew that he was expecting more sex.

Moving closer he pressed himself into me, his arms wrapped around my shoulders while his hands caressed my breasts. I stiffened automatically and he noticed my reluctance, his semi-hard erection squashed up against my bottom.

"What's up?"

"Nothing," I murmured, squeezing some shampoo onto my hand and running it through my hair. 

"You like your breasts played with, Louise. What's wrong?"

I suddenly wanted to tell him about the lump but I couldn't. Tears sprang to my eyes as I wished I had the sort of husband who would understand and soothe my worries away. Someone like Mike...

I felt his hands travel lower and brush against my vagina. His touch was practised but I didn't feel any arousal at all, just a vague sense of irritation as he continued to stroke and probe.

"You like this?"

I nodded, but knew that I was lying to him. I didn't want this at all but could see no way of stopping him now he was in full flow. The thought of Richard fondling me was just too much at the moment, so I turned to him and kissed him, my hands reaching down to stroke his cock.

He groaned into my mouth and I felt him grow beneath my touch. The water made it easy for me to glide my fingers up and down his thickening shaft and I kissed him deeply, our tongues mingling as the water gushed over us.

"Don't stop, Louise," I heard him moan, his hand seeking out my breasts, but I pushed them away, terrified that he would feel the small lump. I didn't want any dramatics now, I just wanted to get this over with and give him the release he was so desperate for.

I pulled away slightly but continued to caress and massage his hardness in my hands. Running my fingers over the tip, I encircled the ridge and tightened my grip, stroking smoothly downwards, my left hand playing with his balls. He groaned again and I kissed him, our mouths hot and needy as he tried to fondle me.

"No, no," I shushed into his mouth as I worked hard on him, my hands pumping up and down, feeling the exposed veins beneath my fingers, the wetness providing all the lubrication I needed.

"That feels good," he moaned and I smiled as I glanced at his face, his eyes closed as he concentrated on the pleasure I was giving him. "I needed this, Louise..."

"I know, shush," I murmured as I started to stroke quicker, my hands tightening even more, my fingers brushing the tip of his penis while my palm slid effortlessly up and down.

"Put me in your mouth," he groaned and I looked at him in surprise, his face screwed up with desire, his hands reaching for my shoulders and applying pressure for me to sink to my knees.

I did as he asked and kneeled in front of him, the water hammering down on my head as I took him into my mouth. He was warm, smooth and wet beneath my lips and I sucked on the head of his penis, my tongue swirling around the tiny hole at the tip before licking the length of him.

"Oh God, yes..."

Grasping his thighs, I took as much of him into my mouth as I could and sucked hard, my teeth grazing his skin slightly as I moved my head up and down. I knew he was close now and I felt him tense up, his body pushing his cock harder into me as his feelings intensified. 

The first spurt of semen caught me at the back of my throat and I swallowed quickly, the warm gush tasting salty as I wrapped my lips around his shaft. Above me, Richard was moaning and another spurt found its way down my throat as I licked and sucked on him. His hands were a vice-like grip on my shoulders and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable kneeling on the hard floor of the shower basin.

"Louise...oh God, that was good."

I looked up at my husband to see him smiling at me, his features relaxed now as he came down from his orgasm. I stood up shakily and he kissed me, no doubt tasting his own juices on my tongue.

"I'm sorry...I needed that so badly."

"It's OK," I replied rinsing my hair under the water, my lower regions aroused despite my earlier reluctance.

"I'll make it up to you." He kissed me and quickly soaped himself before reaching for one of the thick fluffy towels stacked up next to the shower cubicle.

Turning the water off, I wrapped myself in a towel and went into the bedroom to see Richard lying on the bed, a glass of champagne in his hand. 

"I've brought you one, too," he said, pointing to a flute standing on the bedside table. "Dinner's at eight."

"I sank down onto the bed and lifted the glass to my lips. The earlier intake of alcohol had worn off and I felt the cold liquid hit my empty stomach, a sudden light-headedness making me close my eyes with the dizziness.

"Are all those people going to be there for dinner?"

"No," Richard assured me. "They were leaving as I came back. Just eight of us, I think. Nice cosy number."

I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes, the room spinning slightly as I imagined the evening ahead. I felt Richard lean over and stroke my upper chest and stopped myself from wincing, his fingers making small circles over my warm skin.

"Richard, please..."

I looked at him and saw the hurt in his eyes. "Just thought I would relax you, that's all."

"I know, but I really don't feel like it at the moment. I'm just so tired."

I felt him swing his legs to the floor and watched as he stood up, his towel dropping to the floor. "I'm going to get dressed and then I'll see you on the terrace. OK?"

I nodded and fell back onto the pillows, my eyes closing as I relaxed into the bed. What would I give to just stay here now? To curl up under the heavy sheets and drift off to sleep, all my worries shelved for the time being, a long sleep of nothingness...

"Don't fall asleep," Richard warned as he buttoned his shirt. "We're expected in twenty minutes."

"Expected?"

"Uh-huh. Strict orders."

I turned and buried myself deeper into the mound of pillows, wanting desperately to hide and just forget the whole experience that awaited me. The long evening of small talk, the endless prying and probing about our circumstances.

"Right, I'm off. See you in a minute, hey?"

I waved my hand at him in a gesture of dismissal without looking up and knew he was watching me from the door.

"Don't let me down tonight, Louise. Promise me?"

I nodded, my head barely visible from under the huge pillow and felt my stomach churn.

*

At exactly the agreed time I locked the door of our room and made my way over the gravelled courtyard to the main house. The sun was low in the sky and swarms of insects buzzed around me, the warm night air full of the smells of cooking.

At the end of the narrow walkway I paused for a second and smoothed out my dress again. It was a beautiful jade colour, the tight bodice decorated with tiny pearls that shimmered in the evening light. The low neck revealed the tops of my breasts and I was finally happy with the way I looked, my skin luminous in the dusky light. A heavy aqua stone necklace nestled in my cleavage and the shower had softened the skin on my face, smoothing out the lines of worry that had appeared over the last few days.

With my hair washed and teased into loose curls, I felt more confident than I had this afternoon. But would my husband give me the attention I needed?

The group of people was smaller this time and I walked towards the table, smiling at Lisa as she glanced my way. Mike was standing behind her and I could see the look in his eyes as he watched me approach, his smile warm and friendly. There was no sign of Richard or Jilly, but the other couple, who turned out to be the smarmy Rob and his pretty dumpy wife, were chatting to Jake, their laughter carrying in the peace of the night.

"Hi! You look gorgeous," smiled Mike as he handed me another glass of champagne and planted a kiss on my cheek. "Richard's no fool, is he?"

I laughed and accepted the glass, wondering where my husband was. He'd promised to stay close to me this evening and already he had disappeared. "Where's Richard?"

"He's gone with Jilly to look at the vines. I think he's got it into his head that he's going to buy somewhere down here and start a vineyard!"

I laughed along with the others but I felt a growing unease. What was my husband playing at?

It was almost half an hour before Jilly and Richard re-appeared, his arm around her waist as they made their way over to us. She was gazing into his eyes as he spoke animatedly to her and I recognised the expression on his face from earlier. Had my husband been on the phone to Jilly when he said he'd been talking to my father?

Dinner was a long, drawn-out affair with Jake and Jilly holding court like Lord and Lady of the Manor. The heavy oak dining table was sumptuously decorated with a starched linen tablecloth, clusters of candles and beautiful china and occupied pride of place in a long low-ceilinged room with views of the terrace and the fields of vines beyond. An ancient stone fireplace at one end was full of family photographs and the three dogs quietly snoozed on the rug, their presence adding to the homely feel of the room.

Most of the cooking had been done by Jilly's French housekeeper who served the meal and kept our glasses full of the rich red wine that Jake produced from his vines. I sat opposite my husband but he was engrossed in talking to Lisa on one side and Jilly on the other while I struggled to talk to Rob who was seated next to me, his leering eyes resting on my cleavage every so often and making me cringe. He only seemed to want to talk about his business and I felt sorry for his poor wife Diana who had to put up with him full-time. His monotonous voice droned on and I felt angry that he was acting as a barrier to Mike who was entertaining Diana and Jake at the far end of the table. 

Jilly still remained elusive, her attention wholly focused on my husband throughout the meal and she barely said a word to anyone else, her hand occasionally resting on Richard's arm while she simpered and laughed her way through the evening. As coffee was served everyone moved out onto the terrace and I realised I was alone in the room with Mike.

"Stay there," he said, pouring me another large glass of wine. "You look so unhappy Louise. Not really the sort of holiday you had planned, is it?"

I shook my head, the wine making me feel reckless. I was enormously attracted to this man and his caring attitude was addictive. I wanted to sit and confide in him but felt it wasn't fair on either him or Lisa.

"You know, you can tell me, Louise," he said as if sensing my thoughts. "I know we've only just met, but I have this strange feeling with you. It's difficult to explain."

I hesitated and watched as the dogs yawned and stretched, my hands twisting a napkin into a tight spiral.

Mike noticed what I was doing and took the creased linen from me, his hands holding mine. He felt so warm and capable and I didn't know whether he was just being kind to me or whether he felt the same attraction as I did.

"Tell me," he urged. "I may not be able to help, but I can listen."

And so I poured out all the anxieties and worries I'd been feeling over the past few days; my marriage problems, Richard's news about the business, the lump I'd found in my breast. He sat and listened to me, never interrupting, just holding my hands as I finally gave vent to the frustrations and fears inside me.

When I ground to a halt, the tears glinting in my eyes, he kissed me softly on the cheek and then the lips, his touch making me melt inside. He held my hands tighter and leaned his head against mine so I could smell his clean scent. He held me close and we stayed like that for a long while, saying nothing, just enjoying the caring togetherness that made me feel better than any words could ever have done.

A loud bark from one of the dogs finally interrupted us and Mike took my face in his hands, kissing me again on the lips. "I'm here, Louise. Never forget that, OK?"

I nodded and kissed him back, but as I reluctantly pulled away I saw Rob standing by the open terrace door, a strange look on his face. He smiled - a nasty leer that told me he'd been watching us for a while and I saw Mike's face turn pale with shock. With a short laugh, Rob turned and walked back onto the terrace and the feeling of contentment I'd just experienced vanished like a candle snuffed out in the wind. 



Staring at the Sun Ch. 07



Chapter 7 – Thursday

I would like to offer my sincere apologies to everyone who has been waiting for Chapter 7 to appear. Sometimes real life can be a huge distraction and work and family life have taken priority just lately. I'm sorry.

I hope you enjoy this chapter that, while being low on sex, sets the scene for more to come. 

* * * * *  

Sunlight streamed in through the open window and I buried my head under the pillow to block out the light. My mind was full of the dream I'd awoken from and I realised I was damp with the arousal the images had given me. Mike had invaded my thoughts during the night, his eyes boring into mine as he climaxed inside me, my legs wrapped around his waist as I joined him on that journey of bliss. I could still feel his warm skin as we lay together and I hugged the pillow tightly, the feeling of yearning as strong as ever.

I could hear Richard snoring softly beside me and I reached down to my wet vagina, my fingers slippery with the juices that were there in readiness for the sex my body was anticipating. Rubbing my clitoris in small circles I gasped as the pleasure grew. I needed this so badly and I took hold of my left nipple and squeezed gently, the sensation shooting downwards to add to the feelings of arousal that were building, layer upon layer. I was glad I was always able to climax quickly and I needed this time before Richard awoke. I rubbed harder and harder, my fingers spinning in small circles on my hard little bud, while my left hand pulled and squeezed my nipple. I could feel my orgasm approaching and I gasped softly again, terrified I would wake Richard and be prevented from having the release I so needed. I closed my eyes and felt myself rushing towards that wonderful feeling of ecstasy, my head full of Mike and how he would be thrusting hard into me as I attained my climax. It came and I opened my legs wide to heighten the delicious sensations shooting through my body. I shuddered and spasmed, my clitoris trembling with the intense tremors radiating through me.

My frantic movements disturbed Richard who stirred next to me, his hand reaching out to touch my arm. I jumped and turned away from him before swinging my trembling legs onto the floor, a sudden bout of giddiness making me sit still for a minute before I headed off to the bathroom and a hot shower.

The heat from the rushing water made me feel cleansed and invigorated, but I couldn't help feeling out the tiny lump that struck so much fear into me. Mike had made me feel more optimistic, but the nagging fear remained and with it a dollop of guilt that I had told him about it and not Richard.

After Rob had walked away last night, we had both broken apart and Mike had apologised for putting me in such a compromising position. Even though we had only kissed and held each other, I had the feeling that Rob would use the knowledge to his advantage and I hated the thought of him leering at us when I had been feeling so special and relaxed. Nothing had been said when we joined the others for coffee on the terrace but I could sense Rob watching me, a sardonic smile on his face. Would he tell Richard and Lisa, I wondered, or would he keep us in suspense for the duration of our stay, hanging out the dread and seeing us squirm with guilt?

Switching off the shower I wrapped a towel around my tingling body and went back into the bedroom. Richard was awake and making a cup of coffee in a small percolator that our hosts had so kindly supplied. Everything had been thought of and I couldn't fault Jilly's ability as hostess. The meal last night had been superb and the wines delicious. There was no doubt we were saving a vast amount of money by staying here, but it didn't make me feel any easier about accepting their hospitality.

The vase had been received with delight but it was Richard who had given it to her and no doubt she thought that he had played a major part in its purchase. I thought back to how she had acted around my husband and wondered whether his insistence on staying here had been because of Jilly and not Jake. The suspicion that he had been having an affair back at home returned with a vengeance and I was confronted with the sudden thought that it was my husband who was being unfaithful and not me.

We sat and drank our coffee on the small terrace that ran along the length of the rooms in this wing of the house. It was warm already and I hoped that today I'd be able to catch up with a little sunbathing rather than face a full list of activities. A day of doing nothing and just resting suited me fine.

As we sat and chatted, I saw Mike emerge from his room, a towel wrapped around his waist. I couldn't help staring at his tanned and firm torso, his broad chest covered by a sprinkling of dark hairs. He saw me looking and smiled, our eyes locking together in an unspoken agreement. I felt that warm jolt of happiness pass through me again and knew that whatever happened I had a good friend in Mike.

Breakfast was set out on the large terrace by the house and I wore my sunglasses in an effort to avoid meeting Rob's gaze. He looked hungover this morning with bloodshot eyes and a shadow of stubble covering his chin. I wondered what Diana was doing with him, their different personalities making them incompatible, I would have thought. Her quiet friendliness and caring nature was an antidote to his lecherous and unsavoury behaviour, a trait that seemed at odds with his wife's cheerful disposition.

Breakfast was long and leisurely with glasses of Champagne making another appearance. Mixed with fresh orange juice it managed to relax me enough to appear pleasant to Rob; the last thing I wanted was to annoy him further, but I noticed Mike was giving him a wide berth, his whole attention focused on Lisa and I felt a pang of envy as I watched them together. Lisa was obviously confident in her relationship with Mike and I wondered whether last night was just his way of comforting me or whether he felt the same attraction as I did.

Jake was loud and enthusiastic over breakfast, his eyes resting on mine time and again and I yearned to get him alone and ask him the truth about his friendship with my husband. But today had been earmarked for golf and all the men were expected to accompany Jake to the local course where a game had been booked followed by a long lunch at a nearby restaurant. I seethed inside when I learned of this development and could only imagine how Jake and Jilly had discussed the arrangements, managing to manipulate us all to their satisfaction. I had a sudden desire to ask if I could go along and act as caddy, but I didn't want to let Jilly know how angry I was, or let Lisa and Diana down.

I decided to make use of the freedom and try and sunbathe. The day was warm and sunny and I would lie by the pool and indulge in one of the fat novels I had bought with me. If Jilly had other plans then she could go to hell. This holiday had been stressful enough up until now and I just wanted some space to reflect on my thoughts and try and make sense of how my life was headed.

Back in our room, as I slipped into my swimsuit, I saw Richard's eyes light up. "Is that new?"

I nodded and smoothed the lycra over my curves. "I'm going to enjoy myself today and relax. Any objections?"

He looked startled by my vehement tone. "No, of course not. It'll give you a chance to get to know Jilly. She's a great woman."

I eyed him suspiciously. "Well, you would know."

He shrugged his shoulders and reached for his wallet. "And you seemed pretty close to Mike again. Where were you after dinner, by the way?"

"Just talking."

"About what?"

"I could ask you the same thing. When you and Jilly were so cosy after inspecting the vines." I laughed, but my eyes remained hard. "Giving you a lesson in viticulture was she?"

"Oh, I knew that would be mentioned. Typical you, hey? Always so bloody suspicious."

I ignored him and wrapped a satin sarong around me, the flowing material making me feel feminine and pretty. "Enjoy your golf, Richard. I'm sure that Jake will ensure he wins. That's his style."

Grabbing my sunglasses I made my way back out into the warmth of the day, my eyes immediately drawn to Mike as he stood on the terrace of his room, immaculate in shorts and shirt.

"How are you?" he asked.

I slowed my pace and smiled back at him. "I'm fine now. Thank you so much for listening to me last night. It was just what I needed."

"Look, Louise, it's not a problem. I have four sisters so I'm used to listening to women!" 

I recognised his attempt to lighten the tone of our conversation and I felt my heart sink a little. Was I misjudging his feelings for me?

He came over and kissed me on the cheek. "You're incredibly beautiful, Louise. You deserve some happiness in your life."

His words made me melt inside and I felt the tears spring to my eyes. My emotions were so near the surface just lately and I wondered how I would cope with the coming months back at home. The negotiations with the business and the probing that would take place when I visited my doctor. 

He lifted my chin and gazed straight into my eyes. "I'm here, Louise. Don't forget that."

His brown eyes were full of concern and I marvelled at how close we were after such a short acquaintance. "Why don't you mention this to Diana and Lisa today? Share the problem. You never know, they may have experience of this type of thing themselves."

I nodded, my eyes still locked on his. I would miss his presence today and I realised that I was becoming dependent on him and his calm reassurance.

"Have a good day." I smiled and managed to look cheerful. "I'm going to relax and enjoy the sun while I can."

"Good. Just think of us walking around a blazing hot golf course..."

I laughed and for a moment we stood and gazed at each other, the tension between us palpable. It was Jake, coming to round up his group of admirers for the game who broke the spell, but not before he noticed the look on my face...

*

Despite my misgivings, the day was a pleasant one. The heat intensified as midday approached and I took refuge under a huge umbrella, occasionally immersing myself in the azure depths of the pool to cool off. The peace and stillness of the old farmhouse was complete and even the dogs were quiet, basking in the shade of a large tree and dreaming in their sleep, their legs twitching in an imaginary hunt. Conversation was slow and sporadic and I gave up concentrating on my book, closing my eyes as the sun soaked into my heated skin, making me melt inside and chasing all my worries away.

Jilly's housekeeper had set up lunch on a shaded table and I realised I was looking forward to getting to know the other women a little more. A carafe of rose wine stood on the table along with crusty bread, pate and ham. Jilly presided over lunch and kept up an endless flow of chatter directed mainly at Lisa who, more than once, glanced at me and rolled her eyes. She was obviously used to the domineering ways of our hostess and seemed to go along with her in an attempt to keep the peace.

"Louise? Are you OK?"

I looked up in surprise to see Jilly peering at me intently. Her features were very bird-like, I noticed, and her eyes were now boring into mine, making me feel distinctly uncomfortable.

"I'm fine," I replied, raising a glass of wine to her. "The lunch is wonderful."

"Only you seem very quiet. Missing the children?"

"Well, yes of course. But they're in good hands."

"Ours are still at school for the next couple of weeks. Such a bloody expense!" She tittered and I smiled. Of course, she loved the fact that their boarding school was one of the best in the country and the fees astronomical. It gave her the upper hand against us all.

"What about you, Diana? How are your two now?"

I listened as Diana quietly explained that her twin boys were just finishing their first year of University and how she missed them being away from home. Her face lit up as she talked about them and she almost stumbled over her words with the sheer enthusiasm she was feeling. She was obviously proud of their achievements and I marvelled at how different she was to Jilly who seemed intent on making sure her children were destined for the "right" University without worrying if they would be happy there. 

Unwilling to join in the conversation about school fees and the sense of competition it engendered, I stayed quiet, wishing I could go back to my peaceful spot in the garden and fall asleep. The last few disturbed nights were catching up with me and the hot sun and lunch were combining to make me feel drowsy. But Jilly wasn't going to let me off so lightly and her attention was back on me as we finished the last dregs of wine.

"How's the business, Louise? Jake was telling me that you've bought another company."

I stared at her and wished fervently that I was the sort of woman who could be rude and not worry about it. I would have loved to tell her to go to hell as I knew exactly why she was so interested. Her malicious objective was to make me squirm in front of the other women and heighten her sense of power over me.

"Yes, we bought another printing firm recently, and of course, that always puts a strain on the finances."

"But all's going well?"

"I believe so, Jilly. You know yourself that Richard has more to do with the day-to-day running of the company than I do."

"Oh yes, children and family life. Doesn't leave a lot of room for anything else, does it?"

"I should help Mike more with the vineyard," mused Lisa, "but there's always so much to do with the house."

I looked at her gratefully, but she seemed lost in thought and I felt that twinge of envy again as I imagined their life together in an idyllic Provencal vineyard.

"It's all I've ever done," said Diana, helping herself to another piece of crusty bread. "I just fell into the role of wife and mother and Rob never expected anything else. I doubt whether I could hold down a job now anyway."

Jilly glanced at her with a pitying smile on her face and my feelings of dislike deepened. What made her so nasty, I wondered? Was she happy with Jake and her lifestyle or did she secretly yearn to have a more fulfilling life? I thought back to the conversation with Jake at the start of our holiday and remembered his bitterness towards his wife, the sad look on his face when he said he didn't see enough of his children. Who was right here?

"Any plans to have children, Lisa?" Jilly asked the question and I saw her glance briefly at me as she spoke.

"Not at the moment. Mike's so busy with the vines and we aren't even married yet. I'm only 26 so there's plenty of time."

"Yes, of course. Mike doesn't feel that time is slipping away then?"

Lisa looked up in surprise. "He's only just turned 40, Jilly. That hardly makes him ancient."

Jilly laughed but her eyes remained cold. "So when's the wedding planned for?"

I saw how uncomfortable Lisa felt. Jilly was obviously touching on a sensitive subject and probably one that was a matter for private discussion between Mike and Lisa. I felt like a voyeur and I could see that Diana felt apprehensive, too.

Rising to my feet I glanced at my watch and informed my hostess that I was going to relax for a while. "This sun is so warm, I can't keep awake."

Jilly looked surprised at my actions and shrugged her shoulders. "I was hoping we'd all go and have a coffee in the house. I try and stay out of the sun in the afternoons."

"Well, don't let me stop you. I just need to close my eyes for a while."

With a smile for Diana and Lisa, I made my way over to the sun lounger and collapsed onto the padded surface. It was an effort to keep my eyes open and making sure I was totally in the shade, I felt myself drift off to sleep, the loud voice of Jilly shepherding the other two women into the house the last thing I heard.

*

I awoke two hours later with a mouth like dry bread and the beginnings of a major headache. The sun had shifted in the sky and the earlier heat had gone but it was still warm and nothing stirred, the silence of the afternoon absolute. I lay there for a while, remembering the conversation at lunch, and deciding that Jilly was to be avoided at all costs for the remainder of our stay. I was certain she knew more about the state of the business than she let on and I wondered whether she had been involved with Jake back in the UK. Richard was obviously eager for her to know our affairs and I began to suspect that this visit was a way of softening me up in readiness for a nasty surprise. 

I'm sure that the meeting with Jake wasn't a complete coincidence and if the business had been in trouble for some time, maybe Richard had already investigated various avenues of financial help. I dreaded to think of the extent of Jake and Jilly's involvement in my family's company.

Desperately needing some water to ease my parched throat, I made my way into the cool of the house. I had never been to the kitchen but I found my way there easily, the loud banging of pots and pans a clue as to where it was.

It was just as I imagined it – stone flagged floors and a huge Aga dominating the room with expensive units filling every available space. A slender blonde woman was preparing cuts of meat and smiled as I entered.

"Bonjour Madam, can I get you anything?"

I asked for water and she opened a huge walk in fridge, the chilled bottle of Perrier slaking my thirst and lessening the headache slightly. I thanked her and decided a cool shower would go some way to making me feel even better and also keep me out of Jilly's way, but to my dismay she appeared at the doorway, her trademark smile in place.

"Louise! How are you? You looked so peaceful that we let you sleep on. Lisa and Diana have gone back to their rooms for a nap. Is everything alright?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm fine, I just need a shower."

"Of course. Can I walk back with you?"

I couldn't refuse, so with a sense of dread, I accompanied her over to the guest wing of the house, her chatter about lunch and how nice it was to get to know me just confirming my belief that she was shallow and false.

As we stood outside the door to the room, she took both my hands in hers. "Louise, I didn't really want to say too much in front of the others, but I understand completely."

I looked at her in surprise. Wanting to wrench my hands away from her, but feeling that this would go against me, I demanded to know what she meant.

"The business... Richard's told me all about the difficulties you've been having. Jake and I want to help so much."

I felt the anger well up inside me and it took every ounce of willpower not to pull away from her touch. "He had no right, Jilly. This is a private matter between the two of us. We can handle it."

"It was her turn to look surprised. "Really? But he said the situation wasn't good. How are you going to help him?"

"When did he tell you about this?"

"Oh, some time ago. I can't remember exactly when, but you know he met Jake in London back in April, don't you?"

I didn't know and my worst fears were being realised as we spoke. My mind was full of images of my husband and Jake together, discussing the business and having secret conversations behind my back. Did my parents know what was going on, I wondered?

"Jilly, I need to go and have a shower. I'll talk to Richard about this when he gets back. I'd rather you didn't say anything about it to the others. Would you mind?"

"No, of course not, Louise. I just thought you might have wanted to talk about things, that's all. I know it helps to share problems." She looked at me expectantly and I gritted my teeth at the false look of sympathy in her eyes.

"This is really between Richard and me, and of course, my parents. It's their business."




Staring at the Sun Ch. 07



I saw Jilly raise her eyebrows and a twist of fear shot through me. What had Richard done? My worst fear was that he'd given the Harpers a stake in the business in return for some capital to see us through. The thought of Jilly lording it over me in my own business was too awful to contemplate.

I put my hand to my head and rubbed my eyes. "I really need a shower, Jilly. I feel terrible."

If I was hoping to gain some genuine sympathy, I was mistaken. "Yes, you were hitting the bottle hard at lunchtime." She laughed nastily and I frowned. I only remembered drinking a couple of glasses and I certainly didn't need a label of "heavy-drinker" added to my list of faults.

I had an overwhelming need to be alone, my thoughts running wild as she stood and watched my reaction. When was this nightmare going to end and when was Richard going to tell me the truth? What other surprises had he planned for me?

*

When Richard returned a couple of hours later he was in no mood to discuss our business affairs. Burnt red by the hot sun and reeking of alcohol he made straight for the bed and collapsed amid the pillows, his rumpled clothes making him look like a tramp. 

I stood and watched as he immediately fell asleep, a sense of dread overwhelming me and wondering what had made him drink so heavily. The frustration I felt at not being able to talk to him about Jilly was frightening. I wanted to hit him, shout and scream at him that he had kept me in the dark about the problems and hadn't thought to ask me my opinion and find out whether I was in any position to help. I had never expected marriage to be like this and had always thought that our partnership was a balanced one, both at home and at work. What had happened for him to lose so much faith in my abilities?

Knowing that there was no way I could stay in our room and listen to the sound of him snoring, I slammed the door and made my way back to the garden. It was approaching early evening and I was ready for dinner, my simple dress accentuating the light tan the sun had given me today.

A cool drink in the shade was a perfect way to calm down and sort out my thoughts over the best way I could approach Richard without starting yet another argument. The last thing I wanted was our problems to affect the other couples and create an atmosphere. That would just enhance Jilly's perception of us and I vowed I wouldn't give her the pleasure.

The garden was full of the golden early evening light and devoid of people or dogs so I made my way over to the huge rustic table and helped myself to a bottle of rose wine that was chilling in a stone cooler. Raising the glass to the sun I gazed into its ruby depths and wished that I could be somewhere on my own with no problems or worries. But was that ever a realistic situation? 

I sat down and fixed my eyes on the distant horizon, my view travelling over the neat rows of vines that stretched away from the house. I could see a small tractor trundling through the greenery and wondered what Mike's vineyard was like and whether he envied Jake's lifestyle as well.

The wine tasted good and I savoured the clean freshness in my mouth as I swilled it over my tongue. Just one of the simple pleasures in life, but on this occasion I couldn't relax and enjoy. The sense of foreboding I felt over the business was growing worse and Jilly's words made the anxiety within me escalate into panic. If my parents were aware of Richard's plans, why hadn't they told me? And what were they hoping to achieve?

A sudden noise behind me made me jump and I turned to see Jake watching me, a slight smile playing over his lips. "You seem preoccupied, Louise. Everything alright?"

I looked at him and tried to gauge his mood. His eyes were bright and the sun had deepened the tan on his face, highlighting the white of his smile and making him appear more attractive than ever. How I wished I could trust him to tell me the truth, but I couldn't. Part of me screamed out to be careful, to not let him know how desperately worried I was.

"I'm just enjoying your view. You must feel so lucky to have this house."

He shrugged his shoulders and raised his own glass to his lips. "It's a house, Louise, nothing more. Surely people are more important?"

He must have noticed the surprise in my eyes as he made his way over to me, the scent of his aftershave reaching my nostrils and sending a shiver down my spine. "I'm not sure what I've done to you, Louise, but you seem determined to have me down as the bad guy in all this."

I was stunned by his words and he momentarily silenced me. I could only gaze up at him as he stood before me, his eyes searching my face as if he wanted to look right inside me.

"I'm sorry, Jake, if I've ever given you that impression but Richard's been so cagey about your friendship...I don't know what to believe any more."

"All Richard is doing is trying to sort out the problems in the only way he knows how. He just wants to protect you from the worry."

I felt the anger flare inside me again. "Why the hell does everyone think they have right to "protect" me from the problems in the business? What is going on?"

"I really think you should discuss that with Richard. He's just trying to help in the only way he knows how."

I felt myself trembling with anger as we faced each other. "What's this about you meeting him in April? In London?"

He seemed shocked by my words and took a long drink of his wine. "Who told you that?"

"Your wife, Jake. She seemed determined to plague me today about the business and even tried to discuss my affairs in front of Lisa and Diana."

He reached forward and took my hand and I jumped with nerves. His touch was warm and gentle and I shivered as he gazed at me. "I'm sorry, Louise. Jilly just wants to help too. She knows how long I've known Richard and she knows how much of a friend he is."

"How much of a friend? But Richard's only ever mentioned you to me once, a long time ago. It's not as if you see each other on a regular basis."

Jake took hold of my other hand and drew me towards him. We were so close now and I could smell his spicy scent even more. His thumbs started to rub the inside of my wrist and I felt a quiver of desire shoot through me, despite all my efforts to resist.

"Listen to me, Louise. We go back a long way and shared a lot at University. When Richard contacted me to tell me he was having problems I couldn't just ignore him, could I?"

I took no notice of his question and asked one of my own. "Tell me one thing, Jake...when we met you at the pub in Dover? Was that all arranged?"

He shook his head and drew me closer. Wrapping his arms around me he held me tightly and I could feel the heat from his body. Every part of me wanted to pull away but I couldn't. My blood was racing through my veins and I could feel my heart banging in my chest as he gazed down at me. 

"That meeting was a pure coincidence, Louise. I was as surprised as you were. Oh, I may have told Richard that I was heading down here, and asked him if he wanted to come and visit, but the night we met certainly wasn't arranged."

I rested my cheek against his shirt and breathed in his scent. His hands were lightly stroking my back and I felt a twinge of desire begin to grow inside me. How could I be feeling like this now after my emotional conversation with Mike last night? What was wrong with me to be so involved with two so very different men?

"I just want us to be friends, Louise. We seem to have got off to a bad start, but I want that to change."

I looked up at him, wanting so much to trust him and allow myself to relax into him, but I couldn't. A sudden image of him and Jilly discussing our affairs came into my mind and I stiffened. Was he doing this with me now to soften me up? 

"I'm sorry, Jake. I don't know what to think any more. I just want to go home, sort this out and see my children."

"I know, I know," he soothed, and brushed away a lock of hair from my face. Lifting my chin he looked deep into my eyes and I knew that he was going to kiss me, his hold tightening around my waist and pressing my body against his. For a split second I wondered what it would be like to make love with Jake Harper. Wondered what it would be like to watch his face as he climaxed inside me. I shivered as I imagined his hard naked body over me as I drew him in closer. But as I was slowly beginning to surrender to the desire I was feeling, another image filled my mind. Mike's warm brown eyes as he smiled at me, the understanding in his voice as he tried to reassure me last night and I knew that Jake was trying to manipulate me even further and draw me into the web of lies and deceit that he had created with my husband.

I pulled away and turned my back on Jake, my hands trembling as I took a sip of the wine, the coolness slipping down my throat and easing my nerves slightly.

"I'm sorry, Louise. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable. Let's just forget this shall we?"

I nodded, my eyes too full of tears to turn around and face him. I couldn't let him see the anguish on my face or know that he had managed to unsettle me so much. "I'm going back to my room, Jake. To find out how Richard is."

"A good idea. He certainly enjoyed the wine at lunchtime."

"I know," I replied with a frown. "Why did he drink so much?"

Jake shrugged his shoulders again. "It was there. Maybe he was trying to escape from his worries? Who knows?"

On the way back to my room, I managed to hold back the tears. Why couldn't Jake be a good friend? Someone who was genuinely trying to help rather than be a ruthless manipulator who was only concerned with furthering his own career and ambitions? Mike was there for me, but financially he was in no position to help, even if I wanted him to. The thought of accepting charity to get ourselves out of our mess made me cringe. I wouldn't do it, no matter what the consequences were.

*

Richard never appeared for dinner that night – he was still deeply asleep when I went back to check on him so I covered him with a light blanket and left him to it. A terrible sense of loneliness overwhelmed me and I sat on the bed and finally let the tears flow. I yearned for my home and the children and wanted nothing more to be back in my own house and looking forward to a quiet night in front of the television. I knew I would have to face the others this evening on my own and I'm sure everyone would be wondering what was wrong with Richard to get so drunk like that.

Going into the bathroom, I splashed cold water on my face and attempted to repair my make-up. My eyes were bloodshot and there were streaks of mascara ingrained on my cheeks. What a mess I looked and I sighed as I dabbed at the stains with a tissue. In the bedroom I could hear Richard start to snore again, the sound reverberating through the silence of the room. Outside a car door slammed, one of the dogs barked and I heard a woman's laughter carrying over the still air.

Going to the window I peered out and saw Jilly embracing a tall dark-haired woman, her face animated with delight as she drew the other woman close. A black sports car stood in the background and I wondered who she was. The two women were obviously good friends and I watched as Jilly led her around the back of the house to the terrace, their laughter shattering the peace of the evening.

Returning to the bathroom, I hastily reapplied my make-up, sprayed a few drops of perfume onto my wrists and smoothed down my dress. I felt rather like someone going to meet my doom, but I summoned up all my confidence and opened the door. Richard never stirred as I shut the door behind me and with trembling legs followed in the footsteps of my hostess and her mystery friend.

*

The restaurant was buried deep in the country, a former farmhouse that had been converted into one of the most sought after eating establishments in the area. Our convoy of vehicles made its way slowly along the single track road that led to the vine-covered courtyard, the small car park full of expensive cars, most of them bearing GB plates.

I hadn't expected to eat out, but Jake and Jilly had made a sudden decision to visit "La Ferme Auberge" and we were just expected to tag along and be happy with their choice. The evening's plans had been revealed to me by Lisa when I returned to the terrace and explained that Richard would be staying in our room.

"Is he OK?" Lisa had asked, genuine concern in her eyes as I took a seat next to her.

"Just pissed out of his head..." I laughed but my eyes remained hard, a fact that Lisa couldn't help but notice. 

"Mike told me he was going for it at lunchtime. Apparently, Richard was trying hard to beat Jake, but he just kept missing the ball. And I don't think Rob helped either..."

I looked over at our fellow guest as he chatted to Jake, his face looking demonic in the flickering candlelight. "Why? What was going on?"

Lisa shrugged. "I'm not really sure, but I think Rob was being a total prat, as usual. I really can't stand the man and wonder why Diana has stuck with him for so long."

She added. "I also can't see what Jake sees in him either. Rob's just a slimy little shit."

I laughed. I'd never heard Lisa talk like that before and wondered what Rob had done in the past to give her that impression of him. "I don't like him either. He gives me the creeps whenever he looks at me. That sarcastic look of his makes my skin crawl." 

Lisa nodded and took a sip of her gin and tonic. "Diana deserves better than that. He's really giving her a hard time at the moment. He's such a bully."

Our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Mike who kissed his girlfriend on the cheek, a warm smile on his face as he glanced at me.

"How's Richard?"

I shrugged. "He was asleep when I left him and he can stay like that all night as far as I'm concerned. He looks terrible."

Mike smiled. "He'll feel worse tomorrow. And I think Jake's planned yet another excursion for us all."

Lisa groaned and emptied her glass. "As long as he doesn't expect me to join in. I've had enough of this now. They're both getting on my nerves."

"Lisa..." Mike warned and shot her a look. She looked back at him and I could see her blush slightly in the gloom of the evening.

To change the subject I asked them both who the new visitor was. She was still talking animatedly to Jilly, her long dark hair gleaming in the last rays of the sun. Beautifully made up and wearing a long cream dress, she looked the epitome of elegance and wealth. Her tanned skin was flawless and she seemed to glow, taking the radiance of the dying sun and reflecting it back onto the small group of people that hung onto her every word.

"Sophie Legrange. Married to a Frenchman and extremely wealthy. They own a hotel near Cahors and she runs it with a rod of iron, apparently."

I listened as Lisa gave me a quick run down on our new guest and saw the envy on her face as she described her lavish lifestyle and the charmed world in which she lived.

"She's a good friend of Jilly's. They're made for each other."

The evening had faded into night before we were rounded up and dispatched to the restaurant in three cars, Jilly and Sophie roaring off in the black open topped sports car, their hair streaming out behind them as the gravel crunched under the tyres.

Now, as we sat around a large table on the terrace of the restaurant, glistening bunches of grapes hanging over our heads, I looked around at the assembled group and wondered how on earth I had arrived at this scene. I hardly knew these people but strangely, they seemed to know all about me, even the mysterious Sophie Legrange whose eyes rested on me every now and again, a knowing smile on her beautifully made-up lips.

I needed Richard now more than ever, for moral support and to avert those curious glances from Diana and Rob, who, I'm sure, suspected that all was not well with our marriage. Diana had greeted me warmly, her hand resting on my arm as we chatted, but Rob had kept his distance and I was relieved. I was still dreading him talking to me about the scene with Mike last night and now I was alone, I might have been seen to be fair game.

But I was seated between Mike and Jake and I could feel my arousal growing again as the wine flowed. Both men looked gorgeous and in my most private thoughts I had a fantasy of being with them both at once, Jake kissing and licking at my nipples while Mike thrust his hardness inside me...

I quivered with the thought and Jake noticed. "Not feeling cold are you?"

I laughed, my stomach flipping as he gazed at me. "No, I'm fine. Just thinking that's all."

"Nice thoughts?"

I blushed. I wondered what he would say if he knew what I was really thinking but there was no way I would ever tell him. I would seem like a sex-starved housewife on top of all my other shortcomings.

Jake leaned back in his chair and watched as I took a sip of my wine. "You know you are such an attractive woman, Louise. Does Richard appreciate that?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea. When you've been married as long as we have, you tend to take each other for granted."

"I know. Tell me about it." He glanced at his wife and I saw that same glimpse of frustration and sadness. "Jilly is married to the houses it seems. Gives them so much fucking love and attention, there's nothing left over."

I looked at him in surprise. His wine glass was empty again and he reached for the bottle to refill it. His hand stroked my bare arm and I tensed again.

"Relax, Louise. You're looking at me like I'm going to eat you..." He sniggered and I realised that he was on his way to the same state of inebriation that my husband was in. 

"Mind you, I wouldn't mind going down on you and tasting some of your sweetness..."

I gasped at his words and he mumbled an apology. "Sorry, I can be so fucking crude at times...sorry."

He laughed to himself and then leaned over to me, whispering in my ear, his breath smelling of the rich red wine we'd been drinking. "You know I want to fuck you, don't you Louise? Ever since I met you in that awful little pub...I wanted to take you there and then and fuck your brains out..."

Shocked to the core by his crude words I rose and without saying a word, made my way to the car park, my ears burning after what he'd said and cringing at how he'd made me feel so cheap and tarnished. Leaning against one of the cars, I tried to calm myself but I was breathing rapidly, my whole body shaking, hardly able to believe that it was the same man who could say those things.

I closed my eyes and willed myself to relax. Tomorrow I was determined to pack up our things and leave. The constant yearning to go home was too strong to resist now and if Richard refused to accompany me I would fly home myself and to hell with the consequences.

Thoughts of the last few days filled my head as I stood by the car and I only realised I wasn't alone when I felt a hand brush my cheek.

"Been crying?"

I opened my eyes to see Mike standing there, a look of intense concern on his face. "I don't know what happened but you look terrible."

I nodded and felt a return of the tears. "Why is it that you always come to my rescue?"

Mike smiled and drew me close. "I'm your knight in shining armour, remember?"

I smiled through my tears and felt his mouth descend on mine. I gave in to his kiss which started off slowly and gently and then became more insistent. He held me tightly and I could feel his arousal as we melted into one another. Visions of Lisa appeared and the guilt I was feeling made me pull away, but Mike held onto me. 

"I know what you're thinking, Louise. I can tell what's going through your mind, but stop. Lisa and I are like brother and sister. We've been that way for ages, but we just can't put an end to our relationship. She's the sweetest girl in the world but I don't love her."




Staring at the Sun Ch. 07



I looked at him and searched his face for tell-tale signs of deceit. But his warm eyes gazed back at me and I stifled a sob. "I'm sorry. What a mess. How did I get into this?"

He said nothing but held me close, letting me cry again, my tears wetting his shirt as I sobbed out all my frustrations and worries. But I knew that this time our relationship had changed forever, and despite all the guilt and the agony, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Only one thing remained clear to me as we stood and embraced. I'd made the decision to leave my husband and nothing was going to stop me.



Staring at the Sun Ch. 08



Chapter 8 – Friday

Two o'clock in the morning. The green glow of the bedside clock taunted me with its information and I turned over once again, pumping the pillow in a vain attempt to find a cool piece of material.

Beside me Richard slept on, oblivious to the heartache I was going through, the acute worry and stress that wouldn't let me sleep. The events of the evening kept running through my mind, tormenting me with the images of Mike, the words we had shared, and the feel of his lips on mine, the warm comfort of his arms that I just couldn't forget. I wanted him so badly and the yearning was a physical ache inside. 

We had stayed in the dark car park for what seemed like ages after Jake had spoken to me with such crudeness, and just simply held each other. When we eventually returned to the table, I knew from the glances of Lisa, Jilly and Jake that we had been the main subject of conversation since we had left, and my guilt and confusion must have been apparent. The sudden knowledge that I no longer wanted to be with my husband was terrifying in its intensity, opening up a whole new set of problems that I just couldn't face.

Again and again I regretted this holiday and the devastating consequences we were now facing. How ironic that a trip meant to bring us together had succeeded in driving an even greater wedge between us. A wedge that was impossible to remove. I thought of our children and how they would suffer if I went through with my plans to leave Richard. The devastation in their lives it would cause and for what? 

Outside an owl hooted and I sat up in bed, all thoughts of sleep driven from my mind by my worries. Making my way through to the small living room I opened the rear door carefully and stepped outside into the warmth of the summer night. Above, the stars were a myriad of twinkling lights and I heard the owl hoot again, closer now as I stood on the terrace and breathed in the scents of the garden.

It was so quiet and still and I could feel the rhythm of my heart beat slow as my body relaxed. I sank down into one of the chairs that faced the vineyards, the moon illuminating the rows of vines that stretched away into the distance. When I had returned to our room at the end of the evening, Richard was still comatose and in exactly the same position as I had left him. I had removed my make-up and slipped into bed next to him, my body tense in case my movements awoke him. The last thing I needed was for him to wake and question the events of the evening.

The journey back to Jake and Jilly's farmhouse had been awkward but Lisa hadn't probed into why I looked so drawn and tense and she probably guessed that my escape from the table had had something to do with Jake. She had driven while Mike had sat in the back of the car and I could feel his eyes on me throughout the journey. I couldn't get the sensation of his body next to mine out of my mind and to sit next to Lisa and appear as if nothing was wrong was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. I liked Lisa so much; her calm and capable nature made me feel relaxed and comfortable in her presence and I knew that given the right situation we could have been great friends. The knowledge that I desired her fiancé and had gone so far as to kiss and hold him made me feel the lowest of the low.

The owl hooted again and I heard a door being opened and closed again carefully. Holding my breath I looked around and saw Mike standing in the moonlight, bare to the waist, a pair of boxer shorts covering his modesty.

Silently he walked towards me and I gazed at him, hardly able to believe my eyes. He knelt down in front of me and took my hands in his, that same look of concern on his handsome features.

"I've been awake for ages and heard a door open. I wasn't sure if it was you or not, but I did hope...you can't sleep either?"

I shook my head. "Too much wine and too many worries."

I leant down and stroked his face but he grabbed my hand and kissed the palm, his lips dry and warm against my skin. "This is no good, Louise. You should be resting now, not sitting here worrying."

"I know."

"How's Richard?"

"Still asleep. He must have had a real skinful."

Mike smiled. "Yes, he had a few, but the worrying thing is that he was talking to Rob when we sat down to eat and they were together for quite a while."

A twist of fear shot through me at his words and I knew then that Rob had told Richard what he'd seen on Wednesday night. Mike saw the look in my eyes and leaned forward to hold me close.

"Rob's a nasty piece of work, Louise, but Richard knows that. Hopefully he'll dismiss whatever Rob said and choose to speak to you first."

I shook my head. "No, he won't, Mike. He's been in such a funny mood just lately. I've never seen him so jealous."

I couldn't tell him about the way he had made love to me the other day when he suspected I was having an affair with Mike. A suspicion that would now be correct.

"Don't worry, Louise. Richard won't take Rob's word over yours, surely?"

I shrugged. "What about Lisa? Did she ask you why we were missing after the meal?"

"No, she trusts me and always has. I think at the moment, though, she wouldn't care what I did. As I told you, we're more like brother and sister."

He gazed at me and I felt a slow burn of desire start inside. Taking my hand he led me towards the vineyards where a wooden bench stood under a canopy of trees. We could see the house in the distance and every room was in darkness. The owl hooted again and I could hear Mike chuckle softly next to me.

"Let's hope the owl doesn't tell anyone..."

He sat me down on the bench and knelt in front of me again, his hands slipping between the folds of my robe. His hands were warm on my breasts and I sighed as he brushed his fingers over my already stiffening nipples.

"This is for you, Louise," he murmured in my ear as he parted the robe completely. "Help you to sleep."

I smiled at the idiocy of his remark. With him kneeling in front of me the last thing I wanted to do was sleep. I needed him to do this so much, all those hours of longing were about to be fulfilled and I leaned back as he slipped the robe off my shoulders leaving me completely naked.

"You're so beautiful..."

I looked down at his dark head as his tongue teased my nipples, his breath warm on my exposed skin. Running my fingers through his hair I gave myself up to the sensations that were coursing through me as he expertly caressed my hardened peaks. Streams of pleasure were running down the length of my body and I opened my legs slightly drawing Mike into the circle of my thighs.

"Lay down," he asked and I spun around to lie along the length of the bench, my knees raised and open slightly. He gazed down at me and then his lips were kissing their way along my legs while his hands caressed and stroked my smooth skin.

"Oh, Mike," I breathed as his lips worked their way higher. The ache growing inside me was almost painful as I anticipated the feel of his mouth and tongue on my most sensitive region. "God that feels so good..."

He raised his head and looked at me and I gasped at the look of love in his eyes. "You feel good to me, Louise. Let me do this for you, hey?"

I nodded and lay back down, the feel of his warm mouth making me arch towards him, my back lifting off the bench as I felt him grow nearer my damp pussy. I looked over to the house again but nothing stirred and the thought of what we were doing, hidden by the trees, heightened my sense of pleasure. I felt Mike open my legs further and then his fingers were gently parting the folds of skin, seeking out that little bud of ecstasy that was eagerly awaiting his touch.

When his lips touched my bare skin I gasped at the sheer feelings that were running through me. His warm tongue ran along the length of my silky folds, his fingers holding me open for him to probe, kiss and lick. The combination of his warm tongue and the night air intensified the pleasure I was experiencing. I felt him delve deeper, seeking out the juices that were building inside me and he seemed to like my taste, his moans of approval making me smile as he held my legs open even wider.

"I want to make love to you properly, Louise," he groaned as he raised his head and looked at me. "But not like this, do you understand?"

I nodded and he kissed me on the mouth, my own scent on his lips. "I know, Mike, but I want you so much..."

He returned his attention back to my pussy and gently stroked at the opening, his eyes never leaving my face. "I want you to come for me. I want to give you that at least tonight."

I felt him slip a couple of fingers deep inside me and I moaned. With my right hand I reached down and started to rub the hard nub of my clitoris while with my left I squeezed my nipples. The slow but firm movements from Mike set me off on the path to orgasm and I moaned and squirmed on the hard bench, all thoughts of being discovered out of my head. I wanted this moment to last forever, the feel of Mike's fingers inside me, his eyes on mine as he watched the ecstasy I was feeling.

It didn't take long for me to achieve the climax I so needed. We had been building up to this all night and I just wished I could do the same for Mike, but he was too much of a gentleman to allow that. As the first waves of my orgasm washed over me I held out my arms to Mike and he cuddled me tightly as I came for him. We kissed each other deeply and the feel of him in my arms prolonged my pleasure, our breathing heavy and fast from the passion we were experiencing. 

"I want you so much," I repeated and looked at him pleadingly. "Let me do something for you, please..."

He smiled but shook his head. "Not tonight. I want it to be special and I'm worried someone will come looking for us. I don't want to put you in another compromising position, Louise. I'd never forgive myself."

He reached down and picked up my discarded robe, helping me into it and then holding me close.

"You need to talk to Richard today and find out what Rob said. It might just have been an innocent chat but you need to know. I'm going to take Lisa off for the day and give her a break from Jilly. She's fed up with being here and I don't blame her. She's never liked the Harpers and comes along just to please me."

"Do you love her?" The words were out before I could stop them and I waited for Mike's reply as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I suppose I do, but not in the way I should. There's a big age difference between us and sometimes I treat her like a child. Yet another source of contention."

"Jilly was asking about marriage and children yesterday. Lisa seemed uncomfortable talking about it."

"She would be. She knows as well as I do that marriage and a family are out of the question at the moment. I have a manager for the vineyard but the hours are still long and hard. And anyway, it would be a mistake. Our marriage wouldn't last."

"How do you know?" I looked at him and saw the pain in his eyes and felt guilty for bringing the subject up.

"I just do, Louise. The feelings we once had are gone and the only reason we're still together is because neither of us have the heart to bring it to an end."

He kissed me again and I relaxed into his arms, dreading the moment when we would have to return to our respective rooms. The warmth of his body was like a comforting quilt wrapped around me and I suddenly felt the return of my weariness. I wanted nothing more than to cuddle up to Mike and sleep the rest of the night away, but as if sensing my tiredness he steered me back towards the house and our separation.

"I'll see you at breakfast and then we're gone for the day. There's a village Lisa wants to see about an hour's drive away so we'll go there and have lunch."

He stopped and took my face in his hands. "But I'll be thinking of you the whole time, Louise. If you need me, just call me."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I'll give you my number at breakfast. I'm there for you, don't forget that, OK?"

I smiled and he kissed me again, long and deeply, his tongue entwining with mine in the timeless dance of passion. I shivered as I thought of how we would make love together and pressed my body closer to his.

"God, I want you..." he groaned and I could feel his arousal clearly. His boxer shorts left nothing to the imagination and I reached down and touched him through the thin material.

"Louise...oh God..."

"Please, Mike. Let me do something for you..."

"We can't...not here. I promise that we'll be together properly soon..."

I kissed him again and let my hand drop. He felt so good beneath my fingers and I wondered how he would deal with his erection once he was back in his room. The thought of him waking Lisa and making love to her was more than I could bear.

Again, he seemed to read my thoughts and smiled. "I'm used to dealing with this, Louise. I'll go into the bathroom and think of you touching me, being inside you, feeling you wrapped around me..."

Our kisses went on for ages; neither of us could break away but the noise of one of the dogs barking brought us to our senses.

"Go back to sleep and get some rest. I hate to see you look so tired."

I kissed him one more time and then carefully opened the terrace door to my room and slipped inside. Richard was still asleep and I silently pulled back the covers and climbed into bed, my breathing loud in the silence of the room.

Turning over I re-lived the last hour and smiled to myself as I finally sank into oblivion, my last image of Mike's eyes as he brought me to climax.

*

The next morning I awoke to a terrible feeling of pure guilt. I could hardly bring myself to open my eyes, hoping that the events of the night were just a vivid dream. But the stickiness of my vagina told me otherwise and I made for the shower straight away in case Richard was expecting a more arousing wake up to his day.

As I was towelling myself in the bathroom he came in, his eyes still bloodshot and his hair dishevelled and greasy.

"You look awful," I needlessly informed him as I wrapped the towel around my body. "Do you want me to find you some headache tablets?"

He looked at me with a strange expression on his face and a feeling of fear shot through me again. "I just want a shower and some coffee."

I shrugged my shoulders and went to dress, the bright sunlight having a painful effect on my tired eyes as well. Richard appeared at the door as I was dressing and watched me pull a short skirt on.

"What happened last night?"

My heart thudded in shock and I looked away as I did up the zip on my skirt. "What do you mean?"

"The evening? Did you all go out?"

I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. "We went to some pretentious arty-farty restaurant that Jake and Jilly love. The food was great but the company left a lot to be desired."

"Really? Now why would that be?"

"Well you know how I feel about our hosts..."

"I wasn't thinking about our dear hosts, Louise. Was Mike there?"

I could feel the colour drain from my face as he stared at me. "Of course Mike was there. He was with Lisa."

He stared at me for a few moments and then started to dress, his hands shaking slightly as he pulled on his shorts. "I had a few words with Rob yesterday at lunch. Told me to watch out for him."

I could feel my heart start to race and tried desperately to appear calm and relaxed, but I had a feeling that Richard was building up to something that would explode in my face. "I don't understand, Richard. You're being very vague."

He laughed nastily, his eyes remaining hard and cold. "He told me that Mike has a reputation for seducing vulnerable females. That Lisa puts up with it because she loves him so much, and that he noticed you were both absent after the meal the other night."

"What exactly did he say Richard?"

"Just that. Watch out for him."

"I think at my age I can look after myself. I'm not a little girl, despite what you think."

He raised his eyebrows and took my arm, gripping my wrists and making me wince. "I know we're going through a rough patch at the moment, Louise, but stay away from him. He's bad news."

I stared at him, my eyes surely betraying the guilt I was feeling. "You just have the word of Rob for that, do you? A slimy little shit of a man who treats his wife like a dog?"

He looked shocked at the vehemence of my words but I was in full flow now. "If there's anyone I should be steering clear of, it's Jake. And his bitch of a wife."

"Oh great! That's how you think of my friends, is it? The people that let us stay with them unconditionally and give us the full range of their generosity?"

"It's all show, Richard. Why can't you see that? They love showing off, shoving it in our faces. I'm sick to death of it."

I spun around, tears filling my eyes as the yearning for home grew. Why couldn't I just pack my suitcase now and leave? 

Richard came up behind me and put his arms around my shoulders. "I'm sorry, Louise, but I'm sure Rob was trying to tell me something. He knows them both well. Why would he lie to me?"

I turned around. "Because he's horrible, Richard. He likes causing trouble. He's the sort of man to stir things up and then stand and watch as people are caught in the fall-out."

"Look, let's go and have breakfast. I need about a gallon of coffee to feel human again."

"Why did you drink so much?"

"That's just it, I don't think I did. Just a few glasses of wine followed by some brandy. Do you think I set out to feel like this?"

I shrugged my shoulders and put on my sunglasses. I needed them this morning almost as much as Richard needed his coffee. How could I face Lisa after last night?

*

Breakfast was a tense affair, which even the champagne and orange juice couldn't relieve. Mike appeared briefly and looked at me with concern, but there was no way I could warn him of my husband's suspicions. Richard barely said hello to him and that seemed to be enough for Mike to keep his distance. He collected a breakfast tray for Lisa, explained that she wasn't feeling well and they would be spending some time out of the sun and returned to his room making me feel bereft at the thought of a day without him.

Rob and Diana were immersed in their own thoughts and Jake and Jilly watched Richard and me carefully, almost looking for signs that all was not well.

"Feeling better this morning, Richard?"

I saw Jake smirk as he watched my husband gingerly lift a brimming coffee cup to his lips. "You missed a great night. The food at that place is bloody fantastic!"

Richard smiled and held his hands up. "Self-inflicted. Not expecting any sympathy from you, you bastard."

Jake roared with laughter and poured him out a glass of champagne. "Here you are, drink this. It'll make you feel better."

Richard waved away the glass and took another sip of black coffee. "What on earth was in that wine yesterday?"

Jake smiled. "Grapes? That wine is one of the best from Cahors but it has a hell of a kick."

Richard nodded. "I agree, but to be honest I didn't think I drank that much."

I saw Jilly glance at Jake but he laughed again. "You were relaxed and thirsty. Don't worry about it; we all drink too much every now and again."

"And my husband should know!" Jilly tittered with laughter and began to stack the plates and cups, something that she had never done before and I realised that for some reason she was nervous. There was something going on here, I realised, and the feeling of being a pawn in Jake and Jilly's plans was growing stronger by the minute.

*

I left Richard at the breakfast table still drinking coffee and made my way back to our room. I wanted to call my parents and find out whether they knew of any plans Richard had to ease the money worries in the business.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 08



Lisa was sitting on the terrace and called out as I passed. "Want a coffee with me? There's plenty left."

I hesitated but she looked so sad that I didn't have the heart to refuse. Sitting opposite her as she poured from the pot, I noticed she was looking tired too. Was Rob right about what he said? Was the strain of their relationship making her look so sad and unhappy?

"How are you?" she asked and I felt like crying when I saw the look of concern on her face. "Mike told me about last night. He said you were upset."

Another thud of my heart, but she must have noticed the look of alarm on my face. "Sorry. He told me what Jake said to you. Was he drunk, do you think?"

I nodded. "He was so crude. I'm not a prude but it was so unexpected coming from him. I never imagined he would say those things to me at dinner."

"You don't know Jake. He's not the nice man he likes to portray himself as."

"What do you mean?"

"He's ruthless, Louise. He'll do anything he can to be top dog and I'm amazed that Mike's still friends with him."

"I thought that. Do they go back a long way?"

"They were friends as children. I suppose that's the sort of bond that's not easily broken."

We sat in silence and I gazed out at the view. Lisa seemed preoccupied this morning and my imagination was running riot. Suppose she had woken last night and glimpsed Mike and me through the trees?

"We're going out today. I need to get away for a few hours and Mike's driving me to St Cirq Lapopie."

"Where?"

Lisa laughed. "It's a beautiful village not far away. It's perched on a cliff and is a real old mediaeval town."

"Sounds lovely. I could do with getting away from here too."

"Come with us then. Richard won't mind surely?"

I shook my head. "No, we need to spend some time talking today. We've had a few ups and downs just lately and all we do is argue. I'm going to ask if we can go home tomorrow. We need to sort things out and this holiday is just making things worse."

She reached out and touched my hand. "I had a feeling things were not well between you. I can tell, Louise, because I'm in the same position..." 

She looked up as Mike appeared in the doorway and withdrew her hand. "Don't forget, we'd love you to come with us..."

I shook my head again. "I want to go home, Lisa. One more day here and then maybe we'll be on our way tomorrow."

She got up and smiled at me. "If he refuses, I may just have a plan that could work. It would benefit both of us."

I looked at her in surprise. What did she mean? But how could I accept her kindness when all I could think about was making love with her fiancé?

*

I'd told Lisa I wanted to go home, but thoughts of Mike were filling my mind and I realised that by leaving France it would be unlikely I would ever see him again. But maybe that was a good thing. By putting distance between us, the temptation to start an affair would disappear, and despite my intention to leave Richard, I knew it was a serious step to take when the children were so young.

Sighing heavily I opened the door to our room and dialled the business number, hoping that my mother would answer and at least allay some of my fears. But it was my father's voice on the line and he sounded delighted to hear from me.

"How are things? Going well?"

I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth and made the usual comments about the weather, the food and the kindness of our hosts.

"Do you know Jake Harper, Dad?"

He hesitated for a moment and then said no. "Is that who you're staying with?"

"Yes. Jake and Jilly Harper. Richard knew him at university. Has he ever mentioned them to you?"

"Not that I remember, but you know what my memory's like sweetheart!"

I laughed and felt a dull ache at how much I missed my parents. "Are the children OK?"

"They're fine. I took them to school this morning while your mother tidied the house. The mess they make!"

I laughed again and gripped the phone tightly. "How's the business, Dad? I haven't really spoken to you about it, have I?"

"Oh, Louise, now's not the time. Just relax and enjoy your holiday."

"I can't. Richard's so tense all the time and we're arguing about every little thing. I wish I'd known about this before we went. I would never have gone."

"Louise! Relax! I'm sure that Richard will sort it all out when you get back. He's never let us down before and he hinted that he had something up his sleeve before he went. Have faith in him."

I sighed, feeling the frustration welling up inside me. How could I tell my father that my husband was planning to take control away from him? Even if it did mean saving the business?

*

The rest of the morning was spent sunbathing by the pool and I studiously ignored both my husband and my hosts. Rob and Diana disappeared as well and the indolent atmosphere went a little way to relaxing me and softening the tension I could feel in my neck and shoulders. I caught up with my lost sleep, read my novel and drank bottle after bottle of water. By lunchtime I was feeling more like myself and when I returned to the room to have a shower, I came across Richard on our small terrace, an unopened book by his side and an empty glass of beer on the table.

"Not drinking again? I've got some water here if you're thirsty."

He looked up at me and I felt a twinge of guilt at the sadness on his face. "No, I've just had the one. I still feel terrible."

I sat down next to him and put my hand on his arm. "We need to talk today, Richard. On our own and without shouting at each other. There's so much we need to sort out."

He nodded. "What about lunch out? There's a little bar in the next village. I'm sure they do food."

I stood up and glanced at my watch. "I'll have a shower and then we'll go. Just give me a few minutes."

Half an hour later we pulled up at a pretty vine-covered bar with tables set outside in the sun. Finding a quiet spot in the shade we sat facing each other and my insides twisted at what revelations I would learn from my husband. He looked nervous and played with a napkin, twisting it around in his hands and avoiding my gaze.

"Jake was in a very funny mood last night, Richard. I wish you'd been there with me. I felt so completely alone."

"But I heard Jilly had invited one of her friends. What was her name?"

"I can't remember. Sophie something. What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, you weren't the only one on your own."

"I needed you there, Richard! Jake behaved like a tomcat on heat. I don't suppose he's told you what he said to me, has he?"

My husband shook his head and took a sip of the beer that a young village girl had just placed on the table. I stared into my own glass, examining the golden depths that shone in the sunlight. Memories of other holidays floated into my mind, other bars where instead of talking and arguing, we'd laughed and loved, been relaxed and happy.

I looked at him. "Do you care what he said?"

His eyes met mine and I detected a hint of guilt there. Surely my own husband hadn't set me up with Jake? For what purpose?

Putting my glass down carefully I spoke low and quietly to my husband. "The other day, and even this morning, you warned me off Mike. The mere mention of him and I together set you off into a rage, Richard. What is it about Jake that you don't object to?" 

"I trust Jake, Louise. We've been friends for ages. I don't trust Mike."

"You've been friends for ages? OK, I'll grant you that but you've hardly ever mentioned him to me. And you never told me about meeting him in April, did you? Why not?"

My questions hung in the air between us and Richard fidgeted some more with his napkin. "It wasn't important."

"What wasn't? The fact that my parent's business was about to go under?"

He shrugged and took a long swallow of beer. "I was in charge of the business, Louise. That was what we'd all agreed."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "So you never thought to tell us that buying another company had been a mistake?"

"I thought I could get us out of it."

"With the help of Jake and Jilly?"

He ran his fingers through his hair. "They offered to help. Financially and personally."

"How did they know that the business was in trouble though? Or do I add telepathy to their list of skills?"

Richard ignored my sarcasm and motioned to the waitress for another beer. "I phoned Jake in March as I'd heard he was open to investing in small companies. He works in the City and his company specialises in investments."

"And what return was he expecting?"

This time my husband had the grace to look embarrassed. "A stake in the company obviously."

My hands started to tremble as I looked at him. "What sort of stake?"

Richard took my hand and held it tightly. "Louise, this was never meant to happen. Our house was at risk and the thought of losing it all made me desperate. Can you understand that?"

"Richard...what have you done?"

He let go of my hand and looked down at the table. "Nothing yet. But it's only a matter of time. I had no choice."

I could feel the tears start at the back of my eyes, an awful stinging sensation that filled me with despair, but I willed myself not to cry. A group of loud British tourists had descended on the bar and the men, dressed in too-tight shorts and colourful shirts, were arguing amongst themselves about whose round it was.

Richard glanced over at them and I could see the panic in his eyes as he noticed the despair and sadness on my face. "Don't cry, Louise. This'll all be sorted over the weekend and we can relax."

"Relax? How the hell can I relax knowing those two snakes have their hands on my parent's business?"

"It's only until we can pay them back. It should only take a couple of years and then we'll be free of them."

"Was our whole trip planned around this weekend, Richard? As a way of softening me up and making me agreeable to them?"

"I'd planned on dropping in to see Jake here, yes. But only for a couple of days. The meeting in Dover was pure coincidence. He said that he could help if I called in to see him and Jilly."

"Why? Why here? What's wrong with sorting it all out at home?"

Richard ran his fingers through his hair again. "I don't know. He was insistent and I imagined it would be a great way to relax for a few days and save some money."

I sat back in my chair and gazed at my husband in contempt. "Why didn't you just tell me the truth? All this..." I waved my hand around the garden, "was a plan to save your own skin, wasn't it?"

He took my hands again, but this time roughly and I winced as I felt his nails dig into my soft skin. "Shut up, Louise! You don't have a fucking clue what you're dealing with here. All this, as you say, was to save your parent's business, do you understand? A business that should have gone under years ago!"

*

I opened my eyes and winced as the evening sunlight filtered through the curtains. Looking at my watch I realised I had slept for almost two hours but the nap hadn't done me any good. Closing my eyes, I groaned when I remembered back to the conversation with Richard.

His revelation had reduced me to tears and we'd left the bar at once, his face angry and hard while I cried all the way back to the farmhouse. Richard hadn't gone into details about the investment Jake was prepared to make but I knew that it would be substantial and his stake in the business was bound to be a controlling one. All I knew for certain was that my parents would no longer be able to call their company their own. 

The thought of seeing their face when they learnt of this news was heartbreaking. My father had always hoped that our children would take over eventually and keep the family name. But that hope had been quashed forever now and I wondered if I could ever forgive Richard for taking away that dream.

Why hadn't he told me? Or confided in my parents? Spoken to the bank even? I would have sold the house, reluctantly I had to admit, if it meant we could save the business but now our future was uncertain even if Jake and Jilly had saved it. What would stop them from getting rid of us as well?

Unable to bear these thoughts any longer I got up and went to the window. Outside the sun was low in the sky and I glanced over to the bench were I had made love with Mike last night. I could still feel his lips on my skin, the feel of his fingers gently opening me up for his tongue to explore my inner depths and I felt the ache begin again. But what if Rob had spoken the truth and Mike was just after me for sex? Was I another challenge to him? Who on earth could I trust?

A knock at the door startled me and I went to open it and it was a pleasant surprise to see Lisa standing there, a small gift-wrapped box in her hands.

"This is for you," she said, holding it out to me. "A little souvenir."

I opened the door wide to let her in and took the box from her. "Oh, Lisa...that's lovely. Thank you. You've come at just the right time as well." 

She noticed my tear-stained face and put her arms around me, hugging me tightly. A wave of guilt washed over me when I remembered back to last night and how I had behaved with her fiancé.

"What's up? I've just seen Richard by the pool and he looks furious."

"Oh, just another day in Paradise." I managed a smile. "We talked today and I heard things I didn't really want to hear."

"Look, Louise, about my plan...I spoke to Mike today about going home and he's agreed. He knows I'm fed up here and I'm not sure how much more I can take of Jilly. Why don't you come with us?"

"With Richard? He'd never agree."

"No, just you on your own, Louise. Just for the weekend. Drive back here on Monday, pick Richard up and then go back to the UK. What do you think?"

I gazed at her flushed excited face and wanted so badly to do what she said. A weekend in their company and time with Mike was a wonderful prospect, but how could I? How could I leave Richard here alone to hatch even more plans with Jake? But more importantly how could I justify going with Mike and Lisa knowing that it would end in an affair between him and me? Somehow we would find a way of being together and then we would make love for real. I just couldn't do it.

I shook my head. "I'm so sorry, Lisa. I can't. It's impossible."

Her face fell and I could see the disappointment in her large brown eyes. "Please, Louise. It'll give us a chance to talk. We've plenty of room as well. You'd be so welcome."

She was almost pleading with me now, but the thought of what would happen if I did, was more than I could bear. Last night was a mistake and it had happened. But if I were to go with them, the chance of Mike and I having an affair and wrecking our relationships was a foregone conclusion.

"No, Lisa, please don't force me to do this. I can't leave Richard here alone, I don't trust him. Do you understand?"

We looked at each other for what seemed like ages, but then she shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pressurise you. I just wanted to spend some time with you and get to know you. I think we can be friends."

I reached out and took her hand. "I know. I'm sorry."

She turned around to leave, but then stopped. "This has nothing to do with Mike has it?"

I felt my heart quicken at her words and I paused before answering. "No, why should it?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. You seem very close."

"He's a great friend, Lisa. You're lucky to have him."

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at me. "That's just it, Louise. I don't have him, do I?"

"What do you mean?"

"He's been gone so long. We have nothing left any more." She started crying and I went to put my arms around her. "I don't love him, Louise. I haven't for ages but what can I do? Where can I go? I've put so much money into the vineyard with Mike I have no savings left to buy a place of my own."

Holding her tight, I felt her sobs shake her slender frame. "Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry."

She stopped crying briefly. "Please come with me this weekend. Just two days, that's all. I really need someone to talk to and Mike just gets upset when I'm like this. The strain of hiding how I feel from Jilly and Diana has been too hard this time."

I closed my eyes and thought of just getting in the car and going. Not with Lisa and Mike but away on my own. Somewhere quiet and peaceful where nobody wanted anything from me, where I could sit in solitude and just straighten out my thoughts.

Lisa sniffed and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I know this isn't fair on you. We've only just met but I feel I can talk to you about anything."

I pulled away and looked at her. "I need to talk to Richard about this. He may be totally against me going, Lisa so don't hold out any hope. But it'll just be for the weekend, OK?"

If I could keep out of Mike's way all weekend I would be fine. I'd make sure we weren't alone together, stay with Lisa and just hope that Mike would be too busy with the vines to be with us much.

"You'll talk to Richard?"

I nodded. Selfishly, the thought of being away from my husband was a pleasant one and the long journey back to the Dordogne on Monday, on my own, filled me with pleasure. Suddenly I began to warm to the idea, even if my reservations over Mike still troubled me.

I watched Lisa go back to her room and felt my spirits lift. Perhaps a day or two away from Richard would be a good idea. A chance for us both to cool down after our heated argument about the business. But I would need his word that he wouldn't make any decisions until Monday. There was no way I was going to give in to Jake easily. He would have a fight on his hands.

*

My plan, as expected, did not go down well with Richard who put up all sorts of objections to me leaving the farmhouse. But he could see I was adamant; the prospect of a few days away from each other seemed to appeal to him as well and it would give us a much-needed breathing space to try and reach a decision about the business.

I had to trust that he wouldn't do anything stupid while I was away and he certainly knew now how I felt about the Harpers taking over the business. He realised that the state of our fragile marriage was resting on the next few day's talks and the potential devastation it would cause if we were to split had finally seemed to occur to him.

"If you're that determined to go, I can't stop you," he had said, giving me the keys to the BMW. "But remember what I said about Mike, Louise. Don't add to the problems that Lisa already has."

I felt the colour on my face deepen at his words and he looked at me closely. "Well, this weekend I'll find out the truth, won't I?" I said "It'll give me a chance to prove that Rob just likes to stir up trouble."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Their relationship is private. Don't meddle in other people's affairs." 

At the mention of the word "affair" I jumped but Richard was already on his way to the door. "Are you having dinner here first?"

I shook my head. "We'll probably stop on the way. Lisa wants to go as soon as possible."

"It's a long drive. Are you sure you want to go tonight?"

"It'll be cooler driving at night. Lisa and Mike's car doesn't have air-conditioning."

"OK, it's up to you. Just go careful."

I went over to him and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Thanks Richard. I'll be back on Monday evening. Let's hope this'll give us both time to clear our heads and try and sort this mess out."

"I had it sorted," Richard replied. "But I agree, we need to make a decision."

I watched him walk back over to the house and then I went to tell Lisa that our plans were a success before returning to my packing. I was only taking one of our small holdalls and the feeling of excitement intensified as I thought of a few days away from this claustrophobic farmhouse and its hated occupants.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 08



I was just adding my toiletries when there was another knock at the door. This time it was Mike who stood there, a smile on his face as he held out a map.

"Lisa told me you're driving but I've marked our village on this map in case we lose each other."

"I'll follow you as best I can. I've got my mobile as well in case I get lost."

He moved towards me and my pulse rate shot up. "I won't lose you, Louise."

Moving inside the room, he held me tight and all the worries I had about staying with him came back with full force. How could I resist him? What on earth was I thinking about?

"Mike...are you sure this is a good idea? This feeling between us...I'm sure Lisa will know what's going on."

"She wants you to come and stay. She's been so much happier since you told her that you're coming. I've never seen her take to someone as much as she has with you. We both feel that..."

I felt the warm glow of pleasure within me at his words but it was tempered by the awful guilt I was feeling. "I know that, but we must try not to give in to this thing between us over the weekend. Please, Mike."

He looked at me and pulled me closer. "OK, I understand, but I want you so badly, Louise. I want to make love to you and make you feel good for once. Can't you see that?"

I nodded and his lips found mine, kissing me deeply as we held each other close. I wanted this feeling to go on for ever, but the fear of someone finding us made me pull away. The desire was evident in his eyes and I knew then that I was wrong to go, but it was too late to back out now. This weekend would be a test of strength for both of us and I just hoped we would be able to put aside these feelings for each other and just enjoy being together. But somehow I doubted it...

*********

Chapter 9 will follow very soon. Thank you to everyone who has voted and given me feedback so far. All your comments are much appreciated. 



Staring at the Sun Ch. 09



Staring At The Sun – Chapter 9, Saturday

This chapter does not have any sex...so if you're after a hot story, it may be better to check out another of my shorter submissions.

Many thanks to one of my readers who has helped enormously with suggestions, feedback and encouragement.

***********************************************

The sound of dogs barking woke me and bright sunlight streamed through the windows, making me blink as I opened my eyes. I lay still for a while, enjoying the sense of freedom, the spacious bed that was all mine and stretched languidly. I thought back to the events of last night and my departure from Jake and Jilly's house. They had both come out to wish me goodbye but I could tell from Jake's face how angry he was. Not used to people disobeying his wishes, he had given me a cold hard look as I put my holdall into the boot of the BMW.

"You're missing out on a treat tomorrow night, you know..."

I returned his stare and shrugged my shoulders. "I'm sorry, Jake, but I just need to get away for a couple of days. Make sure Richard doesn't get into any more trouble..." I attempted a laugh, but my husband was wearing the same angry look as Jake's and he frowned at me.

"Just drive carefully. I don't want you having an accident on top of everything else."

I'd sighed audibly which made him frown even more. Why did he think I was incapable of driving long distances? But the thought of being on my own in the car for a few hours was heaven and my favourite compact discs were lined up and waiting. A period of indulgence lay ahead and I shivered with delight.

After kissing Richard on the cheek, I'd taken the wheel of my husband's powerful car and waited for Lisa and Mike to say goodbye to Jake and Jilly. Their gestures were awkward too and I wondered whether Lisa would ever go back to stay at the farmhouse again.

Five long hours later, I had followed Mike's Renault up a bumpy track that led to an old house surrounded by vines. Dogs barked as we approached and I could see numerous outbuildings in the beam of the car's headlights. The journey had been tiring but it felt so good to be alone for a while, the music system playing some soft classical music and just my thoughts to keep me company. Lisa had offered to travel with me but I wanted to spend some time alone, and apart from a short stop at a motorway service station where we'd all eaten a bland meal of steak and frites, I'd enjoyed the peace and quiet.

The house had been welcoming and warm lights shone from the windows. Mike had explained that his manager had been in to make the house ready for us and I carried my bag into the large hall and marvelled at how beautiful it was. Mike and Lisa had kept the character of their home intact and the old, soft rugs, comfortable furniture and homely knick-knacks were in a direct contrast to the chic, styled interior of Jake and Jilly's farmhouse.

Mike had shown me to the guestroom and I'd opened the creaky wooden shutters to gaze out over the vines, the full moon illuminating the view that stretched for miles. 

"It's beautiful," I said as I listened to the sound of crickets and breathed in the scents of lavender.

He'd joined me at the window and put his arm around my waist. "Lisa's gone straight to bed. She's shattered. But I've got a bottle of wine opened if you're not too tired."

I hesitated. A late night confessional would lead to all sorts of problems, but I was still hyped up from the journey and a glass of wine was a welcome thought.

"OK, give me a few minutes to unpack and I'll be down."

Mike smiled and I sighed. Inside I could feel that old familiar excitement grow again and I went into the bathroom to have a quick wash. Glaring at myself in the small mirror I knew that all my intentions of avoiding Mike would be fruitless. I wanted him as much as he wanted me and there was nothing either of us could do about it.

Now, in the early light of Saturday morning I made myself think about how close we had been to consummating this deep need we were both feeling. I'd joined Mike in the living room, determined to keep the conversation light, have one glass of wine and go to bed, but Mike had had other ideas...

The bottle was emptying rapidly and by the long intense glances between us both, I knew my resolve was beginning to falter with every minute I stayed downstairs. A couple of dogs lay sleeping by the fireplace, perhaps in the hope that it would be lit, but the heat of the day was still radiating out from the thick stone walls and I felt myself sink deeper into the mound of cushions on the huge sofa.

Mike was watching me in the light from a pair of candles that stood on a beautiful wooden sideboard, his eyes dark as he listened to my story of the business and the troubles we were having.

"I must admit, Jake is a good businessman. OK, he lost some money about ten years ago but he picked himself up and made even more. If anyone can help, he can."

"I know that, but I just don't trust him, Mike. I have this awful feeling he has some ulterior motive in all this."

Mike had moved towards me and he took the wine glass from my hand. "I want this weekend to be a relaxing time for you. I know the holiday hasn't been what you expected and I sensed that from the first time I met you in Amboise."

"That was you in the restaurant wasn't it?"

He nodded. "I didn't know you then and I'm not even sure if Jake noticed you both in there. It's a favourite place of his, but I saw you looking and I thought you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen."

I smiled and Richard's words came back to haunt me. Was this Mike's way of seducing me?

"You know, my husband told me about his conversation with Rob..."

"Oh yes?" Mike was stroking my hair and I shivered at the feel of his hands. "What did he say?"

I'd closed my eyes as Mike brushed away the hair from the nape of my neck. "He said you weren't to be trusted. That you preyed on vulnerable women."

This time it was his lips on my neck that made me groan out loud. Pausing for a second, he said, "And do you believe him?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't. I just think it's his way of stirring up trouble."

"Louise, don't ever doubt me. Please. Ask Lisa tomorrow what I'm like. She loves me in her own way, but we're like brother and sister. There's no passion there any more and I know she's worried about her feelings for me. Do you think she would still be with me if I were a cad?"

I shook my head, wanting so desperately to trust him and relax into his warmth. "This just feels so wrong, Mike. Lisa's upstairs asleep and we're here doing this."

"I'll stop if that's what you want, but I know you don't. I can see it in your eyes, Louise. You feel it as much as I do."

My body was betraying me and I could feel my nipples harden as he brushed his hand across my thin tee-shirt. I was wearing a long cotton skirt and I knew how easy it would be for him to run his hands up my legs and discover how aroused I was.

But the thought of Lisa had been enough to make me shake my head. "I can't do this Mike. I'm sorry. This isn't the right time or the place. And tomorrow morning I'll feel terrible. So will you."

He'd looked at me in the soft glow of the candles and I could sense the battle he was fighting with himself. The same battle that was raging within me. He leaned over and kissed me very gently on the lips and I very nearly capitulated. The feel of him so close was unbearable and I wanted more than anything to have those lips on my breasts, my thighs, all over me...

"I understand, Louise. I'll never put any pressure on you."

We'd stared at each other and I could feel the tears start in my eyes. Why hadn't I met Mike years ago? Why was everything so complicated?

I rose to my feet and placed my empty glass on the table. "I'm shattered and you must be too. Are you up early in the morning?"

He nodded. "I'm seeing my manager, Pierre, early. We need to do some jobs in the vineyard so you won't see much of me tomorrow."

A shaft of disappointment had hit me at his words, but I remembered that was what I wanted. I just needed to get through the weekend without succumbing to my feelings and today was the day when I would act on that resolve. I was here to be with Lisa and I was hoping that this weekend would be a basis for a future close friendship.

The sheer luxury of being alone in bed was addictive. How long had it been since I'd spent any time away from Richard? Our lives were caught up with children and work and we rarely had any time away from each other. I wanted to savour this weekend on my own and use the space to gather my thoughts. I hoped that Richard would be doing the same.

Reluctantly leaving the warmth of the quilt and pillows, I padded over to the window to gaze out over the view. I had left the shutters open last night and from my room I could see rows of vines stretching away to the distance, the light from the sun spilling over the green countryside and making me feel suddenly optimistic and happy. How could anyone feel sad somewhere like this?

Below the window was a gravelled courtyard full of pots of geraniums, the scarlet flowers a vivid contrast to the dark wood of the outbuildings where, presumably, Mike made his rich red wine.

As I leaned on the window frame, and as if summoned by my thoughts, he rounded the corner of the house and I watched as he called to one of the dogs, the sun catching the dark chocolate tints of his hair and making me hold my breath with the ache of yearning. He was an incredibly attractive man and I couldn't understand why Lisa felt as she did, but perhaps looks weren't everything. The strain of starting a new vineyard and all the stress that entailed might have made it difficult for them both. So many people viewed the wine industry as romantic, but I knew from what Mike had told me that the hours were long and the rewards few.

As if sensing my presence Mike looked up and his features relaxed into a wide smile as he saw me. He stood and gazed at me and I felt myself grow warm. My thin nightdress failed to disguise the way my traitorous nipples reacted to the sight of him and I yearned to rub my hands across them and imagine it was Mike's touch.

"How are you? Sleep well?"

The spell was broken and I nodded. "I feel great thanks. Let me know if I can do anything for breakfast."

"Oh, don't worry. I think Lisa's up already. I woke her early."

I smiled. If I'd been in bed with him, he certainly wouldn't have been allowed to get out. I imagined a morning of love-making and shivered, my thoughts a jumbled whirl of his hands on my body, his lips meeting mine, the heat between us...

"Come down when you're ready, there's no rush."

I thanked him and withdrew from the window, my body trying to tempt me back into bed to alleviate the deep ache that had started inside me. I wanted to lie and think of Mike making love to me, but I resisted the idea and instead made for the shower hoping that a blast of cold water would turn down my inner heat for a while...

*

Over breakfast of croissants and delicious French coffee, Lisa chattered away to me, the tension of the last few days disappearing from her pretty features. I could feel myself relaxing too and looked forward to exploring the area around the vineyard and getting to know her a little better.

I suspected that over the weekend I would find out more about how Lisa and Mike had met and I was determined to ask her whether Rob's accusations were true, but for the time being I sat back and listened, the bright airy kitchen full of the smells of warm bread and coffee.

"It's so good of you to come and stay, Louise. We never have anyone here and Mike's so busy with the wine, life gets a bit boring at times, I must admit."

I looked at her animated face and sighed. How could a woman, so full of life and vitality end up feeling so jaded? They both seemed to have it all, but I was fast coming to realise that outward appearances can mask a whole host of problems.

"How long have you been together?"

"Too long." She grimaced and poured another cup of coffee for me. "I don't know why we both feel like this, but we do. It was so good in the beginning."

I waited for her to continue, hoping that her words would put a halt to my own feelings for Mike. I knew that this attraction between us was futile. There were so many obstacles in our way, the greatest of which was the fact we were both already attached to other people.

"Is there anything you can do to bring those feelings back?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I have to ask myself whether I really want to. Sometimes I think Mike will always put the wine first. He's so involved with the land, the grapes and the whole way of life around here that I take a back seat."

I smiled. "I know the feeling. Over the last couple of years Richard has been working so hard, I sometimes forget I'm married."

She looked at me and I could see the glint of tears in her eyes. "Are any relationships ever happy? Or do they start off well but falter after a few years? Would I just swap this sadness for yet another?"

I couldn't answer her. My own relationship was teetering on the brink of disaster but I had children involved, which was worse. I needed this weekend to make the decision about my own marriage, but was it solely my decision to make?

"What would you do, if you left Mike?"

"Go back to England, I suppose. Try and rent somewhere and find a job."

I looked around at the warm and cosy kitchen, the stone-flagged floor and the old pine table that just cried out for a gathering of friends and family. "Would Mike be able to pay back the investment you put into this place?"

Lisa thought for a minute. "I doubt it very much. All the money has gone into the equipment he needs to make the wine and the house is mortgaged to the hilt. We have a couple of cottages on the far side of the land that we let in the summer but the income isn't huge."

She gazed out of the window at the view and I saw the sadness on her face. "I'm trapped, Louise. Well and truly trapped."

I reached out to hold her hand and at the same moment, Mike walked in through the door, his eye instantly alighting on our joined hands.

"Everything OK?"

Lisa rose from the table and, ignoring his question, went to make another pot of coffee. "How's Pierre?" she asked.

Mike looked at me, a strange expression on his face as he stared at Lisa's back. The tension in the air was heavy and I made to get up too, planning to go and unpack properly in my room, but Mike stopped me.

"Stay for another coffee, Louise. Pierre is on his way in. I'd like you to meet him."

I sat back down and watched as Lisa made the coffee. Her hands were shaking and I wondered what else she would have said to me if Mike hadn't come into the room. I could feel there was something she was holding back and I wanted to know everything about her life with him. Most of all I wanted to know whether there was any truth in Rob's words. Last night, as I dropped off to sleep, I'd fantasised about leaving Richard for Mike and although I knew it was a ridiculous idea, I couldn't help imagining myself with him, our lives entwined. Somehow, the children slotted into this new life easily and any feelings of guilt were brushed aside.

My thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Pierre who was younger than I had imagined and more like Lisa's age. As tall as Mike, he had dark blonde hair and green eyes and looked every inch the French vigneron, his warm smile lighting up the room.

"Madam?" He came over to me and smiled, holding his hand out, which I noticed was rugged and earthy. The smell of the outdoors accompanied him, a fresh natural smell that I found appealing.

Lisa kept her back to us but I noticed Pierre's eyes travel over to her frequently. As I listened to Pierre and Mike chat in French, I began to wonder if the source of Lisa's problems was standing right here in the kitchen.

There was certainly an air of tension that I hadn't noticed earlier and I looked over at Mike who seemed relaxed, his hands waving about as he talked. I couldn't keep my eyes off him and sudden thoughts of us all pairing up made me grow warm.

What was happening to me? What had become of the quiet wife of a week ago? Only interested in her family and the house? I was starting to feel like a love-struck teenager and I wasn't sure I liked the new me. Another yearning to see my children washed over me and I made my excuses and left the kitchen to return to my room. It was a good time to call my parents and find out if they had any more news on the business.

But first I called Richard who sounded happier than he had last night, his voice warmer than I'd heard for a long while.

"I'm missing you."

"Are you?" I asked, holding my mobile tightly to my ear.

"Of course I am, Louise. This was meant to be a holiday for both of us and now we're apart."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Richard, but I just wanted to get away for a while. The car journey was so peaceful. Doesn't that sound sad? The fact that I enjoyed driving on my own?"

"What's the house like?"

Richard was adept at changing the subject and avoiding a deep meaningful conversation, so I told him about the vineyards, the warm and cosy atmosphere that was so different to the Harper farmhouse and then mentioned Pierre.

"This is Mike's manager?"

Yes. Very dishy in a French way. I have a feeling there's something going on between him and Lisa."

Richard snorted. "Your imagination is unbelievable, Louise. What makes you think that?"

"Just a feeling."

"Leave well alone. Just enjoy yourself but don't go jumping to any conclusions. I still think Rob was right about Mike, you know. He's known both Jake and Mike for a long time. He has no reason to lie."

"Oh, and how is the lovely Rob?"

Richard ignored my sarcasm and continued. "He's fine, but don't paint him as the baddie in this. He's a good person to know. Has lots of contacts."

"Huh, I don't trust him either. In fact I don't trust anyone who's friends with Jake."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Well, if that's true, why is Mike so different?"

I pondered on those words a little while later as I unpacked my holdall and thought back to my first meetings with Mike. Was he involved with Jake's business? The vineyard surely took up a lot of money and if what Lisa said was true, where were the finances coming from to run the place and keep it in such good condition?

I sat down on the edge of the bed and suddenly felt weary and lost. So many doubts were running through my mind, I didn't know who to trust anymore. Rob had managed to plant the seeds of suspicion in my mind and I wasn't as sure of Mike as I used to be. The image of them both in the restaurant in Amboise came back to me and I wondered if the meeting with them at the hotel had been a set-up. Was it a way of casually introducing me to Mike and breaking down my defences? 

I had to admit that Mike had been very understanding for someone who hardly knew me and a shiver ran down my spine at the thought of being manipulated by him. But for what? What was the reason behind all this?

Knowing it would be almost impossible to find out the reason why, I closed the beautifully ornate armoire that held my clothes and dialled my home number. The need to speak to someone I loved and trusted was almost unbearable.

*

I gazed at the view of fields and woods and sighed deeply. I felt more relaxed, the worry of the morning having disappeared when I'd rejoined Lisa in the kitchen and we'd decided to go for a walk to the nearest village. The countryside was peaceful, only the occasional bark of a dog giving away the fact that there was a house in the vicinity. Above, the sky was a deep blue and the warmth of the sun burned into the thin material of my tee-shirt. I was sorely tempted to mention Pierre and watch Lisa's reaction but I kept quiet in the hope that she would bring him up herself. The men had disappeared to inspect the vines so, taking one of the dogs with us, we set out for a small village about two miles away. 




Staring at the Sun Ch. 09



"You don't know how great it is to have you here, Louise. I miss my friends back in the UK and haven't really made any more here."

"What about Pierre? Does he have a wife?"

I could have kicked myself when I saw Lisa blush deeply and look away. "No. He's single at the moment."

"He's good-looking."

Lisa stopped and I could see the tears in her eyes. "You know, don't you?"

"Know what?"

"Was it that obvious? Or did Mike say something to you?"

"Sorry, Lisa...I don't understand."

She went to lean on a wooden fence and stared out over the fields. "Oh God, this is such a mess! I thought I could handle it, but I can't."

Putting my arm around her, I waited for her to continue. "Pierre is a wonderful person, he really is, but he doesn't feel the same way I do. Oh, he likes me but he's so loyal to Mike that there's no way he would ever do anything to hurt him."

"I think I love him, Louise, but there's nothing I can do about it."

She started crying and I held her close as she sobbed. "Are you sure he doesn't feel the same way? Has he told you?"

Lisa nodded. "He sees me as a great friend and I know he's worried about me, but that's as far as it goes. I dread the day he finds someone – a pretty French girl, no doubt – that he loves and wants to be with. I don't think I can bear that."

"And do you think Mike suspects?"

"Definitely. He sees how I look at Pierre. I can't help it. Mike and I are so formal with each other. I know he still loves me, but again, it's in that brotherly way that I find so irritating. What's wrong with me?"

"Maybe its time you went home for a while. Get away for a few months and see if you still feel the same way."

She looked at me with tear-stained eyes. "I think you're right. That's why I wanted you to stay this weekend. To talk to you and try and clear my mind."

We carried on walking, the silence heavy between us as we were both lost in our own thoughts. I wanted to tell Lisa about the lump in my breast but, although I knew she would understand, burdening her with my news seemed unfair somehow. As if I was trading worries instead of being there for her.

But my health concerns were beginning to wake me at night and along with the business problems, I felt at times that I couldn't cope. I knew that in years to come, the very memory of this holiday would be a bad one. I would remember layer upon layer of worry and stress, the doubts and fears building over the week and leaving me feeling drained and exhausted.

And this was just the start of it. When I got back to the farmhouse, there would be the negotiations with Jake and Jilly and all the recriminations to follow. I refused to think about them taking over the business and I was determined to fight them every step of the way.

*

We ate lunch at a tiny café in the pretty village square, a carafe of rough rose wine on the table in front of us. Lisa had calmed down now and was chatting about the region and how they'd explored every village and town when they'd first arrived.

"We were so happy," she mused as she lifted a glass to her lips. "We had so many plans. How could it have gone so wrong?"

"When did it go wrong?"

"I don't know. I can't pinpoint the exact moment. It was like we were slowly heading off in different directions. Mike was so busy with the vines and I tried to help, but it was back-breaking work at first. We planted everything ourselves and by the time the evening came, we were too shattered to do anything except fall into bed. And sleep," she added.

"I know the feeling," I replied. "Richard was caught up in the business too, while I looked after the children and we were just passing each other by."

Lisa sighed. "About six months ago, Mike took on Pierre and I immediately found him attractive. There was this special bond between us and I couldn't ignore it."

"Did Mike say anything?"

She shook her head. "Sex between us slowly dwindled as I couldn't stop thinking about Pierre."

"Did you sleep with him?"

There was a long pause and Lisa blushed deeply again. "Oh Louise, what a mistake I made."

"Tell me..."

She covered her face with her hands. "I thought that by making love with him, it would mean we could be together, but it just drew a wedge between us. I don't think he could get over the guilt he was feeling."

"What happened?"

Lisa took another long drink of her wine and rubbed her hands over her eyes. "Mike was away at a wine fair in Paris and Pierre came around to make sure I was OK. I'm always a bit nervous on my own and he came in for a glass of wine. We both had a bit too much to drink and I think I virtually raped him."

She groaned and I put my hand on hers. "Oh Lisa..."

"He was so good though. So sensitive and caring, but that was it. Just the one night and now I have to face him every day and it's driving me insane."

I sat back in my seat and watched as she poured another glass of wine. "You need to get away. Go back home for a while and forget Pierre. If he loved you, he'd want to make you happy. Surely he can see the pain he's putting you through?"

I saw her eyes well up with tears again and wanted so badly to hug her and comfort her. An image of my daughter came into my head. My sweet little girl would be going through this one day and there was nothing I'd be able to do except listen as she poured her heart out.

"I'm so sorry, Lisa. Did you tell Mike what happened?"

She shook her head vigorously. "God no, he'd have sacked Pierre on the spot. He can handle the fact that we aren't intimate anymore but to know about Pierre and I having sex would be the ultimate. He needs a good manager to make the wines he wants to make. I can't do that to him."

"Does anyone else know about this?"

"Diana does. She always makes me feel so comfortable. She reminds me of my mum, I suppose. She's the only good thing about living here. I get to see her quite a bit, because she sometimes stays when Rob's at Jake's house."

At the mention of Rob's name I asked the question I'd been yearning to ask. "Rob said that Mike was a womaniser and that you put up with it because you loved him. Is that true?"

I saw the look of shock on her face and knew that she hadn't expected this. I could feel myself trembling as I waited for her to answer, but my mobile suddenly rang and made us both jump. Looking at the number displayed I saw it was Richard and answered it quickly. There was no reason for him to call me, and a twinge of worry shot through me as I pressed the button.

"Louise? Don't worry, I just wanted to ask you a question."

"Go on," I said, my pulse slowing slightly.

"You said you were thinking of coming back on Monday?"

"Yes, sometime in the evening. Why?"

"Nothing. It's just that Jake wants me to go to Toulouse with him and we might be away a couple of days. Is there any way you can come back on Wednesday?"

"Of course, if Lisa and Mike don't mind. But what's on in Toulouse?"

"Oh, just business, nothing important."

My stomach contracted at his words and I wondered again whether I had done the right thing by going away and leaving him to Jake's devices. This sounded like another plot to further ensnare my husband and suddenly the peace of the day was shattered.

*

It wasn't until later that I realised Lisa had never answered my question about Mike and my feelings of doubt grew. We'd walked slowly back to the house, the heat of the afternoon intense and my head began to ache from the wine we'd consumed. I wanted to lie down and sleep, catch up with all the lost hours over the last week and just relish the peace and quiet of the old building. 

"We thought we'd go out for dinner tonight, Louise. There's a wonderful restaurant not far away and the food is delicious. Is that OK?"

I'd agreed and then made my way upstairs to lie down, closing the shutters against the bright sunlight and drifting into unconsciousness as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Now, as the shadows of early evening lengthened, I dressed carefully, wanting to look my best. Pierre was joining us for dinner and I was keen to see how Lisa acted in his presence. Today had been a revelation for me and I couldn't stop thinking about Mike and Lisa's relationship. My fantasies of being with him had continued and even though I knew it was stupid, I couldn't help imagining us together. But first I needed to find out what he was really like. Whether the image he portrayed was accurate. Whether I could trust him or not.

We all met in the living room and I saw how nervous Lisa was around Pierre. Her hand was shaking as she took a glass of wine from Mike and I could sense her unease. Mike was relaxed, his gaze resting on my full breasts that were shown to full advantage by the plunging neckline of my dress. Pierre was standing by the window and I took a moment to watch him as he sipped the wine in his glass. Although good-looking in a boyish way, he had none of the appeal of Mike who had an air of authority about him. I knew the age gap between him and Lisa was a problem and looked forward to seeing if Pierre was really worthy of Lisa's pain.

We were welcomed warmly at the restaurant, a rustic auberge that was already overflowing with well-dressed couples and family groups. My skin tingled as I sat next to Mike and breathed in the scent of his aftershave. Every nerve-ending was on red alert and I wallowed in the feeling of being so alive and vital. The glass of wine I'd drunk was coursing through my veins and I made a conscious effort to slow down. Drinking too much could lead to disastrous consequences and I tried to stifle the arousal I was feeling at being so close to Mike.

The warm night air was intoxicating too, and I looked around at my companions who were flushed with the heat. Lisa sat next to Pierre and I could tell that she was uneasy, no doubt worrying about sharing her secrets with me earlier in the day. She knew that I knew and her eyes kept darting to my face as if she wanted to say something but didn't dare. The tension between all four of us was unbearable but I found myself enjoying it nevertheless. I wondered how they would all react if I suggested pairing off at the end of the evening and tried desperately to stifle the libidinous feelings flooding through my body. 

The waiter arrived with the menus and I was glad of the distraction as we studied the hand-written pages. Mike kindly translated for me and ordered a bottle of local red, his French perfect as he reeled off our choices. "The lamb is exceptional, I'm told," he said with a smile as he took the menu from my hands. "Are you OK?"

The last sentence was uttered quietly and I knew then how much he wanted me. I could see the desire in his eyes and I felt myself drown in the feelings coursing through my body. How could I resist this man? I wasn't made of steel and I knew that before this visit was over, I would make love with him. Every part of my body screamed out for his touch. The thought of my husband and family had receded into the background and I realised that for the first time in my married life I was only thinking of myself and my desires. Was I being selfish?

The meal was as delicious as Lisa promised and gradually the tension between us ebbed away. Mike drank one glass of wine and then switched to water while the three of us ordered yet another bottle. Lisa had relaxed too, and although Pierre was friendly and courteous, there was a distance between them that was noticeable. I wondered if Mike could see it too.

The conversation strayed to wine and I could hear the passion in Mike's voice as he discussed the vines with Pierre. "This year looks to be the best ever. If this weather holds we should be able to harvest in mid-September."

Lisa started to run her finger around the rim of her wine glass, a dreamy look on her face, and I could tell she was bored with the subject. Mike noticed too and his face hardened. He motioned to the waiter for the bill and reached into his pocket for his wallet.

"Shall we go home and have a nightcap? I can see we've lost your attention, Lisa."

She looked up in surprise at his words and nodded. "Sorry. My mind was elsewhere."

The drive home was silent and again, I could feel that heavy tension fill the car. We were all lost in our own thoughts and as we pulled up in front of the house, Pierre tried to make his excuses and leave.

"No, no, Pierre. Stay for a brandy. It's Sunday tomorrow."

Pierre shrugged his shoulders in a typically Gallic way and glanced at Lisa who was ahead of us, her footsteps faltering slightly on the thick gravel. My head was spinning with the wine and if I were honest, I would have preferred to have gone straight to bed. The last thing I wanted to do was make an idiot of myself but with the amount of alcohol sloshing around inside me, there was every chance this would happen if I wasn't careful.

"Brandy, Louise?"

I nodded and made my way into the living room where Lisa was lighting some thick creamy candles. Pierre was lounging on the sofa and I noticed Lisa sit as far away from him as she could, curling herself up in an armchair and playing with the tendrils of hair that had escaped from their clasp. She looked amazingly pretty in the soft glow of the candles and I could see Pierre glance over to her several times. I knew that he was attracted to her but suspected that to go any further would be a mistake. His admiration and respect for Mike was absolute.

Mike appeared and handed us all a glass of brandy, the aroma reaching my nose immediately. I sipped the fiery liquid and felt it slip down my throat, the smoothness giving away the fact that it was very expensive indeed.

Pierre noticed as well and commented. "This is good, Mike. You buy it recently?"

Mike appeared a little uncomfortable. "A present actually, Pierre. From Jake Harper."

He looked over at me and I knew that he was trying to hide something. Small spots of colour appeared on his face and I wondered how much Jake gave to Mike in the way of benefits. And for what purpose?

"Well, it's very, very good. An Armagnac?"

Mike nodded. "Jake can be very generous sometimes."

"Oh yes, of course he can. He can afford to be." Lisa's tone was sarcastic and she looked over at me. "Why was he so generous this time?"

Watching them both, and the frown of anger on Lisa's face, I couldn't help but wonder whether Lisa knew more about Jake's business dealings than she let on. Were they both in the employ of Jake and Jilly? Was this her way of getting me away from the farmhouse and preventing me from ruining Jake's carefully laid plans? Or was she genuinely in need of a shoulder to cry on? Feeling again that sense of manipulation, the loss of control over my circumstances, I could only hope that the next few days would provide all the answers. 



Staring at the Sun Ch. 10



Staring At The Sun. Chapter 10 -- Sunday

Again, my apologies for the delay in submitting this chapter, but I've been a little busy lately! Many thanks to all my readers, but special thanks to MacDuke who has provided valuable feedback, help and encouragement.

* * * * *

My breasts tingled as I felt a hand slowly move across them, my nipples erect as the light strokes encircled the rosy mounds. The feeling was so delicious I didn't dare open my eyes and wondered if I were still dreaming. Next, a warm tongue licked the very tip of one of the hard buds and I moaned in pleasure. 

Awakening from a vivid and erotic dream I was aware of the soft movements in my room, but thought it was Lisa bringing me an early cup of coffee and wanting a chat before the rest of the house woke up. We had all gone to bed late last night, the bottle of precious Armagnac drained of its golden liquid and I remembered almost crawling up the rough stone stairs to my room, my head spinning with the alcohol I'd consumed. All I wanted was to lie down and fall into unconsciousness.

No more had been said about the Harpers. A hard look from Mike had silenced Lisa but I was intrigued by what she had said. A growing suspicion was beginning to form in my mind and one of the plans for today was to take the BMW out and make a few phone calls from the privacy of the car. 

I opened my eyes and came face to face with Mike who was smiling at me, a finger pressed to his lips. "Shhh, be quiet. Just enjoy."

I made to get up but he pushed me gently back onto the bed, his lips descending to my breasts and sucking at my swollen nipples greedily. Streams of lust filled my veins as his warm mouth worked its way over my skin and I reached out to run my fingers through his hair. He was dressed in a bath robe and I so wanted to lean down and take his cock into my hand and watch him climax for me. But the thought of Lisa walking in and seeing us was too risky.

"Mike, please. This doesn't feel right."

"Doesn't it?" he murmured, his mouth seeking out my right nipple and giving it the same thorough attention as the left. "You're enjoying this, Louise. Don't tell me you're not."

I sighed and felt the first pooling of moisture in my pussy. I was so ready for him to enter me, but the image of Lisa standing shocked at the door dulled the desire as soon as it had been awakened.

"Just lie back and relax. It's early. Lisa won't be up yet."

He pulled the covers down even further, exposing my body completely and his head moved lower, his lips brushing over the curves of my stomach and making tiny goose bumps erupt over my skin.

"Your skin tastes good, Louise. Just like that brandy we were drinking last night."

"Am I as expensive?"

He lifted his head and looked at me in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing." I reached down to pull the covers back over my naked body and gazed at him. "I get the feeling there's something going on here that you're hiding from me, Mike. Are you going to tell me?"

I saw a tiny flicker of guilt pass over his features, but it was quickly hidden and he sat up, taking my head in his hands. "Don't put me in the same box as Jake, Louise. Just because we're friends doesn't mean that we're the same. We go back a long way." 

"And friends would do anything for each other, wouldn't they?"

His regarded me calmly and then kissed me very lightly on the lips. "You and I are friends, aren't we? You trust me?"

I looked away. There was a time when I did trust him, but just lately I felt so confused by all the mixed messages I was receiving that my natural instincts were being suppressed. 

"Louise? Look at me. Please listen. I know you're worried about Richard and the business, but why would I have anything to do with that? I run a vineyard. I have no interest in Jake's affairs. We just happened to meet and you can't deny the feelings we have for each other. Tell me I'm not wrong there..."

He stood up with a sigh and walked to the window, opening the heavy wooden shutters and letting the early morning sun stream in. Putting his hands on his hips he gazed out over the view. "This place...it's so beautiful. Sometimes I can't believe I live here. Do you know that?"

I got out of bed and walked towards him, longing to touch him and hold him close, but still not entirely sure of his motives. I stood behind him and looked out over the rows of ripening vines, the distant smudge of hills that hadn't yet been touched by the sun.

"I've poured my life savings into this place, Louise. Every penny has been invested in the house, the machinery and the equipment I need to make the best wine in the area. I've worked so bloody hard to keep this place going." He sighed again.

I leant my head on his shoulder and put my arm around his waist. He was warm and solid and had obviously showered before coming to see me. He smelt fresh and wholesome and I suddenly regretted my harsh words.

"Do you blame me if I take hold of any happiness I find and enjoy it?" He turned to me and I saw a sadness in his eyes that almost made me catch my breath. I leaned up and kissed him on the lips, my tongue gently probing his mouth open while my fingers pulled apart the bath robe and found their goal, his hard chest sprinkled with dark hairs.

Our kisses turned passionate and his hands slipped down my body, stroking the soft mound of my pussy which was aching for his touch. Rubbing his thumb over my swollen clitoris, he was well aware of how aroused I was, how much I needed to feel him inside me. But instead of guiding me back to the bed, he gently probed inside with two fingers and kissed me harder.

"Come for me, Louise. Right here in front of the window."

I felt a curious stab of disappointment at his words. I was so full of desire now that I would have done anything he asked and the thought of him making love to me on the bed was more than I could bear. I wanted to feel his cock inside me, wanted to have him explode within me and fill me with his very essence. But I swallowed the doubts and concentrated on the feel of his fingers inside me, how he stroked the inner walls of my vagina and massaged the heart of my arousal with his experienced thumb. His lips were on my breasts and I could feel the familiar stirring of my orgasm. The thought of standing there naked in front of the window was supremely erotic and knowing that at any minute Pierre could appear outside just added to the intensity of the feelings. 

I moaned as Mike kept up a steady rhythmic thrusting, his mouth feasting on my nipples which were coated with his saliva. I watched us both in the wall-length mirror and barely recognised myself. My hair was tousled and my face flushed pink with desire. I looked like a wanton woman, barely recognisable as the wife of a respected businessman. Mike's dark head was concentrated on one of my full breasts and I gasped as I saw how my nipples responded to his tongue. But it was the sight of his fingers buried deep in my neatly trimmed pussy that was the final trigger which prompted a deep and throbbing climax from me and I kissed his shoulder in an effort to prevent myself from screaming out.

As the orgasm rocked through my body Mike held me tight, his fingers slowing now and gently stroking inside as he brought me back down. My eyes remained closed but when he lifted my head and kissed me, I gazed at him and smiled.

"I need to tell you something..." he said, his face serious now.

"Go on..."

He held me tighter and I wondered what he would say. Would he reveal the truth about Jake?

"I think I'm falling for you, Louise. I've tried hard not to, God knows, but you have this hold over me that I can't deny."

I pulled away and stared at him, searching his face for signs of deceit, but seeing nothing except warmth. "Oh, Mike...I didn't expect this."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It's not fair on you or Richard at the moment. I'm being bloody selfish."

Pulling him towards me I kissed him and held him close. "I feel the same, too. I know it's wrong but I can't help having this fantasy of us being together."

He looked at me and smiled. "That's a good thought, Louise. Hold onto it and keep it with you."

Reaching down I felt for his cock and stroked its hardness, bringing a moan to Mike's lips, his warm skin velvety under my questing fingers.

"I want this, Louise, but not now. I don't want Lisa to find us. We'll have to find some time to be alone before you go home. I want to be inside you so badly."

"Let me do something for you," I whispered and saw the look of hesitation on his face. "Please, Mike. Just this once."

He looked at me and smiled and I sank to my knees in front of him, his fingers idly playing with my thick hair. I pulled his robe apart completely and ran my fingers lightly along the length of his shaft. His groans encouraged me further and I wrapped my arms around his hips, drawing him closer to me. I had imagined this for so long and wanted to savour the moment but I was conscious of Lisa appearing at the door at any minute, so I took him in my mouth, loving how hard he felt and how smooth he was beneath my lips. My right hand held the base of his cock and I kissed and licked the very tip, tasting the pre-cum that was beginning to ooze from the head of his penis. Such an intimate act, I thought, as I looked up at him and was rewarded with a smile. 

"Oh, Louise," he groaned. "That feels so good."

I sucked gently on the head, feeling my lips ride over the sensitive ridge, teasing him with my wet mouth and making him groan some more. My hand pumped slowly, keeping the skin taut as I lowered my mouth a little more, making him grip my head with his hands as I worked my way down even more, trying to get the whole of him into my mouth and wanting to give as much pleasure as I could.

"God, Louise," he moaned, his hips thrusting to meet my mouth. "Why haven't you done this to me before?"

I didn't answer, my mouth full of his cock which was glistening with my saliva. My right hand moved to his balls and I stroked them in time with my mouth which was moving freely up and down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw us in the mirror again and felt a twist of desire shoot through me, my pussy quivering with the pleasure I was still feeling.

But I was still worried about being found out so I sucked harder as I moved my mouth up and down and felt him respond. His hands were now gripping my head tightly, holding me as close to him as it was possible to get and I wrapped my hands around the base of his shaft while I concentrated on the head of his cock. I felt him tense up with my attention and sucked on him hard, his pre-cum flowing out of the tiny hole now.

"I'm so near," he groaned. "Oh God...yes...Louise. Don't stop."

Holding him close with my arms around his hips again, I took as much of him into me as I could, my mouth sucking while my tongue swirled around the head of his cock. It was obviously too much for him as I felt him tense again and then I tasted his rich, thick semen erupting into my mouth. I swallowed as he emptied his balls into me and felt a tremendous sense of being at one with him as he held me close. 

"Jesus...that was something else," he managed to say as he stopped shaking and looked down at me. 

"I'm glad." I licked my lips and smiled, turning to the mirror to see us again. He realised what I was doing and smiled back, his eyes dark as we gazed at each other through the mirror. Something had changed and I could almost see his internal struggle that was being fought as he looked at me.

"Come on, you're cold. Let's get you back to bed for a while." Mike grinned and the spell was broken as he steered me towards the luxurious divan. I tried to pull him down with me for a cuddle but he laughingly resisted. "I'm going to make breakfast. It's always my job on a Sunday. Just lie there for a few minutes and come down when you're ready."

I snuggled down into the soft quilt, my body drowsy with the aftermath of my orgasm, and closed my eyes. The feel of Mike's fingers inside me was still there and my own hand stroked the soft folds of my pussy which was juicy and inviting. I rubbed again at that tight bud and dreamed of the time when we would be together properly.

*

I don't know how I managed to face Lisa at breakfast, but she was her usual cheerful self and made sure I was topped up with hot coffee, her face only betraying signs of her tiredness if I looked carefully.

In bed, I'd brought myself to orgasm again, but afterwards I experienced a serious hit of guilt as I thought back to how easily I'd capitulated to Mike's touch. Standing under the hot streams of gushing water, I felt a growing panic at what I'd started. What if Mike was involved with Jake and this was his way of blackmailing me? I could lose everything if he chose to tell Richard what had happened. Was my marriage worth saving? 

But it was the thought of losing the children that scared me the most. I could feel my heart start to hammer in my chest and tried desperately to calm myself down. I remembered the look on Mike's face when he spoke of his vineyard and the house and knew that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Why would he want to?

The feeling of being in deeper than I realised persisted with me throughout the morning. Mike was around the house more today than yesterday and Pierre showed up for a coffee, but we were all still experiencing the after-effects from the previous night and we were slightly subdued. I caught Mike watching me a couple of times and felt that twist of desire start up, but it was mixed with overtones of guilt and before lunch I made my excuses and told Lisa I was going to disappear for a while.

"I need to make some phone calls."

She looked at me in surprise. "You can use the phone here if you want. I know sometimes the mobile network can be a bit patchy because of the hills."

"No, I need to speak to my parents and just be alone for a little while. I miss the children."

She looked at me with sympathy and I kissed her on the cheek. "I won't be long. Shall I meet you at the restaurant?"

We'd arranged to eat out today, Sunday lunch being the highlight of the week here when whole families would take three or four hours to indulge in a long meal with bottle after bottle of local wine and great food.

"No, don't worry. It's my turn to drive and I thought we'd leave about 1pm."

Collecting the keys to the BMW I headed out into the heat of the midday sun and settled into the cool leather seats. The vague sense of freedom resurfaced and I had a sudden desire to just go and never come back; head off to the ferry ports and home to normality.

But instead I took a long meandering road that led into the lavender scented hills, tiny villages clinging to the sides of the escarpment, the stone walls almost blending into the dry landscape.

After finding a suitable place to pull off the road, and high enough to receive coverage, I dialled my home number and waited for my parents to answer. It seemed like ages since I'd been gone and I truly felt as I were a different person to the woman who had set out so full of hopes and expectations just over a week ago.

My father answered the phone and I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard his voice. "Dad! It's so good to hear you! How are things?"

"They're fine, Louise, don't worry. What's this about you staying somewhere else?"

As I had spoken to my mother yesterday, I explained to my father what had happened and described the vineyard to him. As interested in wines as I was, he listened attentively as I told him about Mike and Lisa. But the reason for my call was far more important than a short travelogue and after we'd talked about the children, I turned to more serious matters.

"You use the internet, don't you Dad?"

"Yes, of course," he said proudly. "I booked some flights on it a few months ago. Do you remember?"

I laughed. My parents had learned how to use the super-highway like everyone else and I wondered just how much time they spent surfing.

"Can you do me a favour?"

"Anything, sweetheart."

"I want you to look up some people on there for me. You know how to use Google search?"

A slight pause and then my father answered. "I think so. What do you want me to do?"

I explained how I wanted him to look up not only the Harpers, but Mike as well and see if there was any information on there that could be of help to me before I went back to their farmhouse. Forewarned was forearmed and even if there was the slightest hint of trouble I needed to know.

"I'll call you tomorrow, is that OK? Does that give you enough time?"

"Yes, no problems. I rather think I'll enjoy it."

Laughing at the image of my father playing amateur detective, I asked to speak to the children who were excited and clamouring to be the first to speak to me.

"When are you coming home, mummy?" my daughter asked. I felt a twinge of guilt at the yearning in her voice. Thoughts of Mike came back to haunt me and I knew that I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to them while I was away and indulging in this sordid affair.

"Soon, sweetheart. At the end of this week."

"I miss you."

I could feel my eyes well up and suddenly knew it was too much. The tears ran down my face and splashed onto the steering wheel as I laid my head on my hands. All the worries and fears came crashing back and I sat for nearly half an hour, staring out over the beautiful view but not seeing a thing.

How could I tell my parents that their business was about to be taken over by strangers? That all the hard work they'd put in over the years was about to be wasted? My father had to come up with something that I could use as a hold over Jake and be enough to convince Richard that to carry on with his foolhardy plan was futile. 

*

After my bout of crying, I'd driven around the countryside aimlessly for an hour, relishing the cool of the air conditioning and listening to the music on the cd player. I thought about Mike a lot in that hour as well, my mind whirling with the possibilities of our relationship and where it would eventually lead to. 

Was he really as sincere as he made out, or was there an ulterior motive there? A purely selfish way to save his own skin? And if so, what was it?

Shaking my head to try and rid my mind of these thoughts I turned into the gates of Mike and Lisa's house just before the appointed time for lunch. I needed to repair my face first though, and almost ran up the stairs, calling out to Lisa on the way. At the top of the stairs I met Mike who grabbed me by the arm, a look of concern on his face.

"Are you OK? You look like you've been crying."

"I'm fine. Just speaking to the children, it always unsettles me."

He held my wrist in his grip and moved forward. I couldn't back away as the stairs were behind me and the look in his eyes was strange and intense. "Of course. You miss them, don't you?"

I nodded, my eyes locked onto his. "But they're fine, I don't know why I worry."

"I often wonder what it must be like -- to have children." I waited as he stared down at me. "Will you have any more?"

A swift glimpse of myself pregnant with his child overcame me and I hastily pushed the thought out of my mind. What was wrong with me? 

I shook my head. "No, I think two is enough. I've done my bit for mankind." I attempted a smile but he just looked at me.

"Louise?"

This time he pulled me closer and his mouth found mine in a bruising kiss that made my pulse race. His arms were tight around me and I could feel the length of his hard body pressed against mine. One of his hands stroked my bottom and ground me against his erection. The feeling was so erotic and so totally unexpected that I almost cried out, but he silenced me, his tongue sensuously weaving in and out of my mouth as we kissed.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 10



"I want you, Louise. Do you know how much?"

I shook my head as he continued. "Promise me we'll be together soon. I want to be with you properly."

I pulled away and saw the lust in his eyes and shivered. Was I really capable of lying and being unfaithful to Richard? But hadn't I been doing that already?

*

Pierre joined us for lunch at the restaurant and made an effort to talk to me about the work he did for Mike and the wines he hoped to produce. "We just need more equipment, you know? Up to date machinery would make a difference to the wines, Louise."

"What's stopping you then?"

He spread his hands. "Ah, I think it is money, yes? So expensive and Mike is wanting to improve his wines."

I saw Mike watching us, a brooding look on his face I'd never seen before. As Lisa was driving he had drunk almost a whole bottle of red wine on his own and I wondered if this was a regular Sunday occurrence. 

"This area is a good place to grow wines and we like to take on the big villages, Louise, and beat them."

I laughed but I saw Mike frown. "The big villages?"

Pierre smiled. "Yes. Uh, you know Chateauneuf-du-Pape?"

"Oh, of course. One of my favourites, Pierre."

"Well, we are capable of making as great a wine as that. We just need the right conditions and...voila!"

Mike poured himself another glass and knocked it back almost in one go. "Stop boring Louise, Pierre. She doesn't want to know about the vineyard."

"Oh, but I do, Mike. You know how much I love wine."

He shrugged and called for the waiter to bring another bottle. Lisa was watching him too and I saw the lines of worry reappear on her pretty face.

"Do we need another bottle, Mike? I thought we'd finished?"

He ignored her and glanced at the label of the wine as the waiter expertly uncorked the bottle, before pouring a small amount into his glass.

"See this?" He held the glass up to the light. "This is fucking fantastic. And I want to make wine like this."

I was shocked at his language and the passion in his voice. Lisa was right. What was I getting myself involved in here? 

Mike took a deep sniff of the contents of his glass and closed his eyes. "That's good. No, more than good, it's in a league all of its own."

Pierre laughed and motioned to the waiter to pour some for us both. "Tell me what you think, Louise."

I sniffed and then took a mouthful of the rich red wine and had to agree. Layer upon layer of flavours were opening up in my glass, the aromas pouring off the liquid and filling the air with scents of berries and spice. Mike's wine was delicious, but I had to admit it didn't compare with this.

"See what I want, Louise? And I'm going to get it, believe me."

We stared at each other for a long while until Lisa broke the spell by calling for the bill. "I think it's time to go. Poor Louise will think we're all alcoholics down here."

Her attempt to lighten the atmosphere made me smile and I drank my wine quickly, noticing Mike downing another glass as we waited for the waiter to bring the bill. Around us the restaurant was emptying and I felt suddenly very full and drowsy. The thought of a long nap was uppermost in my mind and I wondered what Richard was doing now. Was he being treated to the same meal and wine as I was? Was this a way of breaking down our defences separately?

Back at the house, my long nap turned into an epic one and it was half-way through the evening when I eventually emerged from my room and went to find Lisa. She was curled up on the sofa reading a book, one of the dogs at her feet. She smiled when she saw me come in and asked how I was.

"Bleary, if I'm honest. I can never do wine and a heavy meal at lunchtime."

"Neither can Mike. I'm sorry for his language today. I bet you've never seen him like that, have you?"

I shook my head. "No, it was a bit of a surprise."

She looked at me carefully. "I know how you feel about him, Louise. I can see it when you're together."

I felt myself blush deeply and avoided her eye. "I'm sorry. Is it that obvious?"

"It's obvious to me, but I'm not sure about anyone else."

"You never answered my question yesterday. Is Mike a womaniser?"

She stood up. "You want a glass of wine?"

My head pounded with the remnants of the lunchtime hangover, but I thought it might be a good idea to calm my nerves with a little more alcohol so I nodded.

"Wait a minute then and I'll be back. Mike's asleep so it's a great time for us to talk."

While she was gone, I studied the photos of them both which were scattered throughout the room, my eyes resting on Mike's image again and again. His dark good looks made him stand out from the photos and I sighed with exasperation at how I felt.

When Lisa handed me a glass of red, I smiled ruefully. "I'm so sorry, Lisa. I never intended to fall for him, you know."

She smiled. "Stop apologising! He's a gorgeous man, there's no denying that, and he can turn on the charm when he wants to."

"But Rob warned Richard about him. Why would he do that?"

Lisa shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of wine. "I don't know. Rob's a trouble-maker. Perhaps he was hoping you'd both have an argument about him. You remember what he's like. He drives poor Diana mad."

"What does he do for a living?"

"He works in the same industry as Jake, I think. It's all a bit vague and I keep well out of it, to be honest. If I have to go and visit Jake and Jilly I try and seek out Diana or another woman I'm friends with. I certainly don't hang out with Jilly's bunch of cronies."

"So, to ask you again...what's Mike really like?"

Lisa put her glass down and came to sit next to me on the sofa. "He's driven, Louise. More than any man I know and at times I think it's almost an obsession. He's not a womaniser as far as I can tell. It's not something you discuss, is it?" She laughed. "Oh, there's been the odd time I've wondered, when he's been away at some wine fair, but he's never flaunted it, if that's what you mean."

"Aren't you angry about this? I would be as mad as hell if another woman wanted my partner."

She laughed. "No, I'm not angry, Louise. Just a little sad that I don't feel like that. It's been too long now and I don't think I'll ever get those feelings back. When we were first together, Mike was wonderful. Probably the impression you got when you first met. In Amboise was it?"

I nodded. "He was such a contrast to Jake. So friendly and open."

"Oh, he can be. He can turn on the charm at the drop of a hat, but don't be fooled by that, Louise. In some ways he's almost worse than Jake."

I was shocked by her words. "Why?"

Lisa thought for a minute. "Jake is up front about what he wants, I'll give him that. But Mike..." she paused and took another sip of wine. "Mike disguises his objectives so you're never really sure what he wants from you."

"Has Jake ever tried anything with you?"

Lisa blushed. "Yes, of course he has! He never stops trying!"

"And what happened?"

"Nothing."

She looked away and I had the feeling she was lying to me. Her hands trembled slightly as she held her glass and I wondered if she was drinking heavily to make up for the wine she hadn't been able to drink at lunchtime.

Deciding not to pursue it, I tried another tack. "What about Jake's business? Do you know anything about that?"

"All I know is that his first business ran into problems and Jilly's family bailed him out. Lent him some money to get the bank off his back, I think. If it wasn't for Jilly, I doubt he'd be where he is now."

"And are they very well-off?"

She laughed. "Well I wouldn't mind some of it! Enough to get me back to England so I can start again!"

I sipped my wine in silence, my head whirling with these new revelations. Would Lisa open up enough for me to find out more? Or was she as ignorant as I was?

"Do you want to go outside? I'm just worried that Mike will suddenly appear and hear us."

I agreed and followed her out to the warm terrace, the night air scented with the smell of lavender. This place was truly beautiful and I sighed as I sank onto one of the padded chairs.

"How can you bear to leave this place? It's gorgeous."

"I don't see it like that any more, Louise. It's like a prison to me now."

"That must be terrible, to feel like that."

"It is," she agreed. "I thought I was making the right decision, with the right man, but I was very wrong. In fact, I'm surprised Mike let you see him like that at lunch. That's a side that rarely comes out."

We gazed at each other and again I had that feeling she wanted to tell me something, but didn't dare. "I was shocked."

She smiled. "Have your fantasy about Mike if you wish, Louise, but just be careful. Richard seems like a good husband and you have your children to think of as well..."

She trailed off and put her hand on my arm. "I know I'm younger than you, and it's not my place to tell you what to do, but just be careful."

I felt a sudden surge of anger well up inside me at her words and felt almost like a child being told off. I rose to my feet and went to look out over the vineyards, my hands clenched at my sides.

I heard Lisa push back her chair and then she was beside me, a look of worry in her eyes. "That was stupid of me. I'm sorry."

I ignored her and continued gazing out over the vines, my acute embarrassment making it difficult to look her in the face. Why was she telling me this? And was she really as blasé about Mike's affections as she thought she was?

"Forget it, Lisa. I think I'll go back to the farmhouse tomorrow as planned and see if Richard can cut his trip to Toulouse short. If not, I'll find a small hotel to stay in until he gets back."

"Look, Louise, stay here for as long as you want. I love having you, but I can't help thinking that between them, Jake and Mike have hatched some sort of plot. If Mike is involved, his motives might not be as clear as you think."

"But why would Mike be "involved" as you say?"

She sighed. "I don't know. It's just a hunch I have. I'm probably wrong."

"I get the feeling you're not telling me everything, Lisa. Why do you really want me here? To keep me away from my husband?"

A noise from the terrace interrupted us and I looked over as Mike appeared. He looked terrible and it was the first time I'd seen him so dishevelled. 

He stared at me and I could see a strange look in his eyes as he took in the situation. "Is everything OK?"

Lisa smiled to alleviate the tense atmosphere. "It's fine. Do you want a coffee?"

"That'd be nice, thanks." His eyes didn't leave my face and I saw Lisa swallow nervously.

"I'll get it. There's some wine there as well."

He nodded and sat down heavily at the table, his hands running through his thick dark hair. "God, I feel terrible. Why the hell do I drink so much?"

Lisa disappeared into the house and I sat down opposite. "I'm going back to the Harper's tomorrow. I've decided."

He looked incredulous. "What on earth for? There'll be no-one there."

"No-one at all?"

He shrugged. "I don't think so. Jake told me he's taking Richard to Toulouse and Jilly will no doubt be off with some friends. You can't go back just yet."

"I don't feel comfortable here, Mike. Lisa knows how I feel about you. She told me tonight."

He ran his fingers through his hair again. "Shit. That's bad news."

"Mike...I've never seen you like this before. What's the matter?"

He stared at me. "Just tired that's all. I'm sorry, Louise. This isn't what you need right now is it?"

He took my hands in his and kissed my palms, but I pulled away and he looked at me in surprise. "What's my lovely girlfriend been telling you tonight? You weren't like this earlier."

He waited for me to answer, but I couldn't bring myself to repeat the conversation I'd had with Lisa. Who knows what his reaction would be?

"Louise? What's the matter?"

"Nothing's the matter, Mike. I'm just tired as well. I'm not used to drinking so much and I'm missing home."

He rose from his seat and stood behind me, his fingers gently massaging my shoulders. "You're so tense. What about I pack Lisa off to bed later and give you a back rub?"

I shook my head. "I just can't Mike. It doesn't feel right. I'm going to go back to the Harper's house tomorrow and try and sort things out with Richard."

"Louise, I know you must be feeling strange after this morning. I understand that, but it would be stupid to go back tomorrow when no-one will be there to welcome you. What would be the point of that?"

I turned slightly to look up into his dark brown eyes which were full of concern. The earlier angry Mike had gone and I melted when I saw the expression on his face. 

"I just want to get things sorted out with Richard and then go home. This holiday is turning out to be a nightmare, Mike. It was supposed to be a time for both of us to relax but it's been one long episode of stress and hassle."

His hands slipped down to the sides of my body, his fingers brushing the sides of my breasts. I could feel my nipples react and the tingle spread down to my groin. Mike sensed my reaction and continued, his hands encircling my waist and pulling me back into his arms.

"Tell me you don't want this," he whispered. "Say to me that this morning you weren't crying out for me to make love properly to you. I know you, Louise. You need me to give you what you want and Richard can't or won't do that at the moment."

I leaned back into his chest, my nostrils filled with the scent of him. His hands had strayed to my breasts again and one thumb was massaging my right nipple in small, sensuous strokes. 

"I love Richard," I faltered.

"I know you do...but you're still attracted to me, aren't you? Ever since I saw you in that restaurant you've wondered what it would be like to make love with me. You can't deny it."

I didn't answer because I knew it was true. My head had been filled with thoughts of Mike for days now and I wondered what I had ever seen in Jake. Had I reacted to him when we met in Dover because I was so desperate for love and attention?

"Tomorrow, Louise. Lisa has to go to Avignon in the afternoon to deposit some cash into the bank. You could always go with her, of course, but why don't you plead a headache and stay here? I need to be with you, darling. Can't you see that?"

My heart started hammering in my chest as I imagined us alone in the house. The heat and silence enveloping us as we lay on the bed, our naked bodies entwined in mutual lust. Could I make love with him? Stop all the games and commit adultery? And if I did, how would I feel afterwards? 

* * * * *

Thanks for reading and please vote and give feedback. Chapter 11 is well on its way! 



Staring at the Sun Ch. 11



Staring At The Sun – Chapter 11, Monday

On Sunday night I had slept fitfully, my mind full of thoughts of Mike and I together and the possible repercussions it would have on my life if I decided to do what he wanted. I couldn't deny the attraction between us, but I had noticed a slight change in him over the last few days. Wanting to know the reason why had kept me awake until the small hours.

Last night our conversation had been interrupted by the arrival of Lisa with a pot of coffee and Mike had returned to his chair with a thoughtful look on his face. Lisa seemed to sense the tension between us so I tried to turn the conversation to lighter matters in an effort to return to normality. There was no more mention of me leaving early; Mike was probably right, there would be nobody at the Harpers' farmhouse and I would end up looking silly when Jilly returned.

I had excused myself soon afterwards and looked forward to going to bed and reading before sleep overcame me. I didn't want to remain downstairs with Mike alone, not quite trusting myself with him after our conversation earlier, but he had kissed me goodnight on the cheek, a warm touch of his lips that sent a shiver down my spine. 

But now it was Monday morning and the long day stretched ahead of me, my nerves jangling at the thought of what was to come. The urge to call my father was strong but I wanted to make sure he had had enough time to find out as much as he could about the Harpers. 

Breakfast was taken on the terrace this morning and Mike seemed almost back to his usual self. Smiling and welcoming, he poured me a cup of coffee and sat back in his chair, his long legs stretched out in front of him. 

"Do you fancy a tour of the vineyard today? I know how interested you are in the wine."

I nodded and felt a slight shiver of anticipation travel the length of my spine. He seemed to come alive when discussing his precious vineyard and I bathed in the glow of his enthusiasm. "Pierre's going over to Lyons today to see a business contact so I'd appreciate some company."

"What about Lisa?"

"Oh, she'll be around but she's due to go to Avignon this afternoon." He looked at me carefully and I experienced that twist of desire again as I thought back to our conversation of last night. "You can go with her if you want, but it's just a visit to the bank..."

I felt myself blush under his intense gaze and concentrated on my cup of coffee. "I'll see how I feel after lunch. It might just be nice to stay here and relax..."

Mike smiled and stroked my hand which lay on the table between us. "That's what you're here for, after all. Isn't it, Louise? To relax and enjoy?"

I nodded. The start of our holiday seemed an age away and I pondered on the changes that had taken place since Richard and I had boarded the ferry on the first Saturday, our heads full of holiday plans and how much time we would have to relax. My mind went back to the terrible discovery of the tiny lump in my breast and I realised I had pushed the thought of it to the back of my mind, so preoccupied was I with worries about the business and my affair with Mike.

"You seem quiet...are you OK?"

Mike's voice brought me out of my reverie and I smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, just thinking about all the things that have happened over the last week. So many changes in such a short space of time. It's unbelievable, really."

"I agree. Did you have any idea about the business before you went away?"

"No, I honestly didn't. Richard never really told me a lot anyway. He ran it with my parents and I spent all my time looking after the house and the children. Silly of me, wasn't it? To take such a backseat?"

Mike folded his arms across his chest and looked at me thoughtfully. "You did what you thought best at the time. A lot of women would have done the same. And what were the alternatives?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Putting the children into full-time day care I suppose. Employing a cleaner...or trying to do it all myself. I don't know. I just feel as if I've let him down."

Mike leaned over and took my hands in his. "Stop feeling like that, Louise. This isn't your fault. Why are you so against Jake helping?"

I stared at him, feeling the small doubts start to grow again. "Because I want us to sort this out ourselves, Mike. Can't you see that? How would you feel if a stranger came and took over the running of your vineyard?"

"But Jake isn't a stranger. He's a friend of Richard's."

"He's someone I've never met before. My parents don't know him at all. And he's hardly a close friend of Richard's, is he? I don't remember my husband mentioning him at all before this holiday."

Mike dropped my hands and sat back in the chair, his fingers running through his hair in a way that I had realised was a sign of stress.

"Do you know what they're doing in Toulouse?" I asked. "I can't imagine why Jake's taken Richard there."

"Business associate, I think."

I looked at him, trying to read his face for clues, but seeing none. He drained the last of his coffee and stood up. "You still want to have a look around? Lisa's going to be busy with the cottage this morning; we've got guests arriving tomorrow so you're welcome to stay with me."

He knew, without asking, there was nothing I'd enjoy more, so we agreed to meet in an hour and I returned to my room to call my father. I wasn't sure whether he would have any news, but I couldn't resist phoning any longer.

But when I retrieved my mobile out of my handbag, the battery was dead. Cursing myself for not checking the evening before, I plugged the phone into the socket and went into the bathroom to rub some sun cream into my arms and legs. The call would have to wait until later and in the meantime I would push all worries aside and concentrate on enjoying the day ahead.

*

Before I joined Mike in the vineyard, I sat in the kitchen and chatted to Lisa as she prepared lunch. We both deliberately avoided talking about Mike and she told me how she was hoping to get the money together to fly back home after the summer.

"I want to see my parents. They've been here a couple of times, but that was a long time ago and I miss them."

"Will you go home for good?"

She paused. "I think so. There's no reason for me to stay here. Mike will have to employ someone from the village to help with the cottage. It's well and truly over between us, but we're still good friends. I think I love him in my own way, but physically it's been over for a long time."

I sighed and she looked at me and smiled. "Life's complicated, isn't it? So many difficulties."

I nodded. "I just want to sort things out but this attraction to Mike has added to the problems." I felt a sudden yearning to tell her about the lump I'd found but was aware that she was busy.

"When you get back from seeing the vineyard we'll have some lunch and a long chat. I have to go to the bank deposit box in Avignon later this afternoon. You can always come with me if you want to have a look around the town..."

I blushed at her words and stammered over my reply. "I'll see, Lisa. I need to call my parents again." She gave me a strange look, but said nothing and at the same time, Mike appeared in the door, a warm smile on his face as he gestured outside.

"Your carriage awaits!"

I laughed and followed him out to an old tractor, the noisy engine making conversation difficult. "What do you think?" he shouted over the roar, "want to take the wheel?"

I laughed again and shook my head, taking my place next to him on the hard seat. With a wave to Lisa we were off and I held on tight as the rickety vehicle shuddered and jolted its way down to the first field of vines. The dogs ran beside us and I had a sudden vision of living here with Mike, the children attending a local school, long days filled with the heat and peace of the countryside.

"You OK?" he shouted. "We'll soon be there."

I smiled and gazed out at the view, at the neat rows of vines following the lie of the land, the distant smudge of hills with their tiny villages almost obscured by the heat haze.

I felt myself begin to relax as we drew up outside an old barn filled with rusty farm equipment. The silence was absolute once Mike turned off the engine and we sat together just staring at the view.

"This place..." he looked at me and smiled. "My little patch of paradise."

I stared at him as he gazed at the vines. "You love it here don't you?"

He was silent for a minute and I waited for him to reply, feeling the closeness between us as he struggled to find the words to explain how he felt.

"Louise...all my life I've wanted this. Ever since I visited France with my parents when I was ten years old. All I want is to make great wine, but..."

I waited for him to continue but he just continued to gaze at the fields.

"What's stopping you?"

He shrugged. "It's the age old problem. Money." He jumped down from the tractor and held out his hand to me. "Come on."

We walked side by side through the vines, the foliage a glossy green against the intense blue of the sky. "We'll be pruning again soon. Stripping back the leaves so the energy goes into producing fruit."

I nodded and noticed how his voice was filled with enthusiasm. How he seemed to come alive amongst his precious vines. "They're beautiful."

"Beautiful but hard work."

"And running a vineyard is expensive?"

"Oh, Louise, you don't know how much. And with just the two of us it's hard work. I want to pay Pierre more, but I can't."

"Does Jake make a lot of wine?"

He stopped and gave a short laugh. "Oh, he makes a fair amount, but it's not his passion. He has a team of helpers and the latest equipment. And it's just a bloody hobby for him."

I stayed silent, willing him to go on and give me any crumbs of information that I could use against Jake. Was there a slight tone of jealousy in Mike's words? And was their relationship really as friendly as they made out?

"Has Jake helped you at all with the vineyard?"

"I wouldn't let him. I wanted to prove that I could do it on my own."

"So why is my business different to yours?"

He stopped and looked at me in surprise. "You have children, Louise. You could lose your home if the business failed."

"True. But I don't want a stranger giving us money."

He sighed and held me by the shoulders. "Give him a chance, Louise. You can trust him, I swear."

"I can't. All I can see is us losing the business, our house and my parents seeing their hard work wasted."

"But that won't happen if you trust the Harpers, Louise. Can't you see that?"

I stared at him. "Is this what this "tour" is all about? A way of softening me up?"

He drew me close and held me tight. "No," he soothed, stroking my hair. "I just want to help, that's all. I know what it's like seeing the business you love fail. If I don't get some money soon, I'm going to lose all this."

I looked up at him, saw the sadness in his eyes and my stomach contracted with pain. We gazed at each other and I felt that slow melting of desire inside me. The peace of the morning was absolute and we were all alone. I had a vision of us lying in the grass, our bodies entwined under the warm sun, our skin glistening with perspiration from our love-making.

He kissed me then, as if he sensed my feelings, and I opened my mouth willingly to his warm tongue. Our tongues joined and I pressed my body close to his. It felt so right to be doing this and all thoughts of my husband and children fled in the face of my desire for Mike. His mouth was warm and gentle as we kissed, his hands stroking my back and making me shiver with the anticipation. I felt the kisses grow more passionate but just as I began to think we would consummate our lust for each other in the shadow of the vines, he pulled away.

"Come on, there's more to see yet."

I followed him as he strode off down the hill, his long legs covering the ground far faster than I could. Almost running to catch up with him, I felt that stab of disappointment again. 

"Where are we going?"

"Wait and see!" he replied, a grin spreading over his face as he opened a gate into another field. "These are different grapes. Syrah."

The vines looked the same to me, but I nodded anyway. Row upon row of vines stretched away in all directions and I gasped when I thought of the back-breaking work involved in pruning them all, picking the grapes and then making the end product.

"Are all these yours?"

Mike laughed. "Of course. Now can you see how much work is involved?"

We walked more slowly, the heat intensifying as we made our way across the huge field. Nothing stirred and I felt as if we were the only two people in the world as we meandered along the rows of vines, the tiny flowers soaking up the sun and heralding the arrival of fruit.

Mike took my hand and kissed it. "This feels good, Louise. Being alone here with you."

I smiled at his words, felt the disappointment ebb away. "Likewise. And it's great to see the old Mike back. The one I first met in Amboise."

He looked at me in surprise. "Sorry?"

"You can't deny you've been preoccupied lately? At the restaurant yesterday..."

"Oh that. I'm sorry; it's been a tough week. I was just tired."

"Nothing else?"

He stopped and kissed me again. "Stop it. Look, this is what I wanted to show you."

I followed as he led the way through a small copse of trees. At the far end, was a natural pool, its clear water glistening in the sun. "Oh my!" I exclaimed, feeling a sudden urge to remove my clothes and wade in. "How beautiful!"

Mike took obvious enjoyment from my delight and slowly started to remove his tee-shirt and shorts. I felt my insides melt again and followed suit, the heat feeling delicious on my bare skin.

Our eyes locked as we undressed and the tension between us was heavy with desire. Now, I thought. It had to be now. How could we not take advantage of this situation? The heat, the solitude, the calm clear water that was just made for naked bathing?

The first splash of cold water made me gasp out loud. The shaded pool was cool and refreshing as I dipped my body under the surface, loving the contrast of hot skin and cold liquid.

"Ahh," I breathed as I lay back and let my hair flow out into the water. "Oh, this feels wonderful."

Mike grinned and ducked under, emerging right next to me, his muscular tanned arms encircling my waist and pulling me close. "You like this?"

I nodded, a stupid grin spreading over my face as we faced each other.

"We don't have a swimming pool, as you know, but this makes up for it. And it's free!" He laughed and swam away from me, the sun glistening on his broad back as he made his way powerfully through the water.

I looked down and saw how erect my nipples were, tiny goose bumps covering the skin as I watched him swim from one side to the other. My right hand strayed to one of my breasts and I gazed at him as I rubbed the small responsive bud. How I wanted him now...This moment, perfect in every way, our love-making the climax of the pleasure I'd been feeling since we'd left the house earlier.

Was it so wrong to want this? To forget, just for a while, the trouble and stresses of every day life? He was making his way back to me now and I could see the desire on his face as he took in my breasts and the curve of my stomach as it disappeared into the water. 

"You look beautiful," he murmured, kissing me on the lips. "Let's go and lie in the sun for a minute and dry off."

He threw himself down on the grass at the side of the pond and I followed, feeling a little vulnerable out of the water. Mike continued to gaze at me, his eyes settling on my naked pussy, the hunger in his eyes clear.

He held out his arms and I sank onto the ground next to him, the grass soft beneath my skin. "Heaven?"

I nodded as he started to stroke my breasts, his mouth following his hands as he sucked the cold water off my nipples. The feeling was electric and I reached down to touch his semi-erect cock, my fingers lightly gliding over the wet surface as we explored each other's bodies. 

My pleasure was so intense now that every coherent thought had fled from my mind and all I wanted was to stay here, under the warming sun and finally be at one with the man I now knew I loved. He moved over me and I opened my legs in welcome, willing him to enter me and fill me up with his body. We were so close, I could feel the tip of his cock hovering at the entrance to my pussy and I urged him closer, whispering how much I needed him, how much I wanted him to be inside me.

He lifted his head and smiled at me. "Now, hey, Louise? You want this?"

I nodded, too emotional to speak but as he pulled my legs wider apart, the shrill insistent ringing of a mobile phone made him swear with sudden anger.

*

The short ride back to the house was conducted in silence. I was close to tears of frustration and Mike's face was dark with fury. We'd dressed hurriedly and almost ran back to the tractor, neither of us saying a word.

The phone call had been Lisa, panic in her voice as she informed Mike that their guests had arrived unexpectedly early and nothing was ready. They were sitting drinking coffee on the terrace and I listened as Mike shouted down the phone.

"For fuck's sake, Lisa! Can't you deal with this? Tell them the place isn't ready!"

But the guests had been travelling all night and wanted to settle into the cottage straight away. Mike swore as he started up the tractor and reversed angrily.

"Bloody guests! More trouble than they're worth!"

I kept quiet, my body in shock at being denied the one thing it truly desired. How close we'd been to expressing the need we both felt, how good it had been to have him so near, his body warm and hard as he moved over me. I shook my head and tried to clear my mind of the thoughts that were invading me. Perhaps it was for the best. 

Back at the house, Lisa met us at the door, her faced lined with worry. "I haven't done anything yet! I mean, the cottage is clean, but the beds need to be made and I have to go and shop for the welcome pack!"

"Calm down," Mike said as he pushed past her into the house. "If Louise doesn't mind, she can help while I drive to the shop and get what they need."

I followed them both into the cool interior of the house and tried to tidy my hair which was still wet from my swim. By our appearance, Lisa must have known what was going on but she kept quiet, running upstairs to fetch the linen for the beds.

"Do you mind?" she asked anxiously five mintues later as she started the car up and steered it out into the small lane that connected the main house with the cottage. "This wasn't supposed to happen today. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be silly, Lisa. You've put me up for the past few days and treated me to dinner. It's the least I can do."

She smiled gratefully and I watched as a tiny cottage came into view, the shutters closed against the heat of the summer day.

"It's beautiful!"

Lisa laughed. "Yes, it's a lovely little place. I've often thought about moving here myself, especially over the last few months, but it's booked up solid now until the Autumn."

Over the next hour we busied ourselves airing the cottage and making up the two bedrooms with fresh linen. Mike arrived and stocked the small fridge and then left us to go and prepare lunch.

"Let's take a breather and then we'll head back," said Lisa smiling at me. She looked hot and we went to sit on the small bench in the tiny back garden, the view here the same as the one from the back terrace of the main house.

"Did you enjoy your tour this morning?"

I paused. Maybe she had taken in more than she let on. "It was lovely, Lisa. Mike certainly loves his vines."

She nodded. "Oh yes, he does. They're his passion."

We were silent for a few minutes, both of us lost in our own thoughts. The heat was at its zenith now, the sun directly above us and I thought back longingly to the pool and the crystal clear water.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 11



"Jilly called this morning. She wanted to know how you were."

I felt a stab of surprise. "Really? Why would she do that?"

Lisa shrugged. "I've no idea. She asked after you and then said that she was going to stay with Sophie for the night. I suppose she wanted to make sure you weren't thinking of going back today."

"Who's Sophie?"

Lisa looked at me. "Do you remember the night we went out for a meal? Richard didn't come...she was there then..."

"Ah yes! I remember now! The tall, very elegant woman?"

"That's the one. Otherwise known as Jake's latest squeeze."

"Jake's what?"

Lisa laughed. "Oh, she and Jake have been having an affair. I thought it was common knowledge."

"No, I didn't have a clue..."

Lisa shrugged. "It was bound to happen, I suppose. Sophie is extremely wealthy and very beautiful. Just the sort Jake goes for. And I suppose he gets a certain nasty thrill from knowing that Sophie is one of Jilly's closest friends."

"What about Jilly? Does she know?"

Lisa let out a loud laugh. "You've got to be joking! Of course she doesn't know! She'd kill him if she found out. And her!"

"Well, how can they keep it a secret? Someone's bound to say something to her, surely?"

"Well, when I said it was common knowledge, I meant amongst the men. Diana knows too, but I'm sure Jilly's friends haven't a clue. Too busy shopping and playing tennis to notice. Anyway, who would dare tell her?"

I sat back and thought about Jake and Sophie. They were perfect for each other, that was obvious, but was Jake really prepared to risk all he had for a fling?

"I'm amazed."

Lisa smiled. "Don't be. There's far more goes on down here than you'd realise. All these so-called respectable ex-pats. But soon that won't include me!" She stood up and stretched. "Let's go back, tell our dear guests their cottage is ready and have some lunch. I'm starving!"

*

Lunch was long and relaxed after the frantic preparations of the late morning. The guests had departed with smiles and Lisa and Mike let out a sigh of relief when their car crunched slowly down the dusty track.

After the meal, we sat and dozed in the warmth, the only sound the distant roar of a tractor. "Are you going to the bank this afternoon?" Mike asked lazily of Lisa, but I could feel the tension in his question as he kept his eyes on me.

"Yes, I'd better. Are you coming too, Louise?"

I felt myself blush again as she waited for my answer and shrugged my shoulders. "I still haven't called my father and I really fancy a nap. I've got the beginnings of a headache."

Lisa looked at me and I could see a faint smile hovering about her lips. "Of course. I won't be long, although I may do some shopping if it's not too hot."

I looked down at the table, unable to meet her eyes, knowing that the guilt was evident on my face. The tension hovered around us like a palpable cloud and I started to gather the dirty plates and glasses together.

"Leave them, Louise. I'll clear them away and then I'll be off."

But I refused to let her do the work and followed her into the kitchen, my hands trembling with nerves.

"Be careful, Louise."

I looked at her and she came over and kissed me on the cheek. I saw a strange expression in her eyes and then she glanced away, busying herself with the dishwasher.

"Why do I get the feeling you're not telling me something?"

She turned at my words and I saw the glint of a tear in her eyes. "There's nothing going on, don't worry. I'm just thinking of you and Richard, that's all. Do you miss him?"

"Yes, of course I do. But I miss the children more at the moment. I want to go home."

She nodded and bent to close the door of the dishwasher. "So do I."

*

Back in my room, I unplugged my mobile and dialled my home number. My hands were trembling slightly as I waited for someone to answer and my stomach was a mass of butterflies in case my father's findings brought up something unpalatable.

My mother answered and we chatted about the children who were eagerly awaiting our return. Would they notice the change in their parents?

"Mum, did Dad manage to find anything out about the Harpers? And Mike?"

"Hang on a minute, love, I'll get him for you. Up 'til midnight he was, yesterday, reading all sorts of strange things." She laughed and I heard her pass the phone to my father.

"Louise! How it's going?"

I smiled at the sound of his voice. Even that was reassuring and I waited while he fumbled with some papers.

"What did you find?"

"Well, I had a look, like you said..." My father paused and I held my breath. "The Harpers had a few mentions. Something about an investment business in London? And there was a piece about them in their local paper...an article about businessmen and their lifestyles. Not much there, though, I'm afraid."

"Is that all?"

"His company has a rather posh website, Louise. Lots of spreadsheets about investments and returns. Couldn't make head nor tail of it, myself."

A feeling of frustration rose inside me. "What about Mike?"

"Ah, now there was a bit about him on a wine website – a short piece about how he's trying to make the best wine in the area."

"I know that," I interrupted, my hopes sinking fast. "Is there anything else at all?"

"I searched and searched, sweetheart. But unless I was looking in the wrong places, both the Harpers and Mike seem to be free of incriminating scandal."

"Damn! I really hoped that there'd be something on there."

"I'm sorry, love. Do you want me to try again?"

"No, no Dad, don't worry. Leave it."

"Why did you want to find out anyway?"

I paused. How could I tell him that the Harpers were intent on taking over his business? That all their hard work would be for nothing?

"Oh, Richard is thinking of doing some business for both of them...you know printing brochures, that sort of thing. I just wanted to make sure there was nothing for him to worry about," I lied, hating myself for what I was doing, but determined not to tell him the truth. Not while I was so far away.

"Well, they look fine to me. There was a glowing review about Mike in particular. He seems to know what he's doing. Was it a fair bit of business?"

I cringed at the hopeful note in his voice. "How are things? Busy?"

"Oh, you know," he replied. "We miss Richard being here." He laughed. "I didn't realise he did so much!"

I laughed back, but inside I felt like crying. What if the only option was to enlist the help of the Harpers? But could I bring myself to do that?

*

Outside the weather had changed, the sunny skies of the morning replaced by angry dark clouds and the air was heavy with moisture. I shivered slightly as I made my way outside to collect some washing that was drying. Lisa caught me on my return to the house, an envelope and the car keys in her hand.

"Are you sure you don't want to come? I know a great place that does real English tea and cakes!"

I shook my head, my stomach twisting with nerves. "No, I'm going to have a nap and start to pack. Shall I do anything with dinner?"

"No, don't worry, Louise. It's all taken care of. Just relax."

She kissed me on the cheek again and I managed a smile. "I will, thanks."

With a last look at me, she left, the car crunching on the gravel as she reversed and drove away. The silence was complete and I turned to look out over the vineyards, the approaching clouds hanging heavy over the landscape. The countryside seemed to be waiting for the onslaught of the rain and I heard a distant growl of thunder, the noise making me suddenly apprehensive.

How did one go about committing adultery? But then, hadn't I done that already? This was just the natural continuation of an attraction that neither of us could deny. I thought back to the morning, how I felt when Mike's naked body was so close to mine, his smell and the look of sheer desire on his face.

I sank into one of the patio chairs, feeling suddenly weary and lost. Deep inside I knew I should have gone to Avignon with Louise and then tomorrow make my excuses and leave for the Harpers farmhouse. Common sense should have prevailed, but here I was, waiting for my lover to appear so we could both indulge in illicit sex, all thoughts of my husband and family driven from my mind.

Mike's footsteps made me jump. With a clink of glasses he placed a bottle of red wine in front of me on the table and smiled. "I wondered whether you'd change your mind."

I looked up at him. "There's still time, Mike."

He looked serious as he uncorked the bottle, nodding over to the horizon. "We're in for a big storm."

I noticed he'd ignored my statement and I took the glass he held out to me. "I feel so guilty."

"Do you? How about Richard? Has he ever had an affair?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I've no idea. If he has, he's kept it quiet."

Mike sat opposite me and took a sip of his wine. "This is good. What do you think?"

I swallowed a mouthful and smiled. "You make great wine, Mike."

"I could make better..."

We sat and stared at each other, the tension between us palpable. I searched his face, but he was giving nothing away, his gaze inscrutable.

"Louise..."

I waited for him to continue, my eyes locked on his. Another growl of thunder rumbled in the distance and the sound broke the spell. Pushing back his chair he rose and knelt between my legs. 

"I don't know what the future will bring, but let's just enjoy the here and now, OK? Push away those feelings of guilt and concentrate on yourself..." He took my hands and rubbed them gently. "I know you need this, and I need it too. Lisa, well..." he trailed off but I understood what he was trying to say.

"Shush," I placed my fingers on his lips and he smiled. Grabbing my hands he kissed my palms and I shivered. 

"I want you, Louise. I've wanted you ever since I first saw you."

My insides twisted at his words and I trembled. "I've never done this before."

He smiled. "Neither have I." He held out his hand. "Come on, let's go inside."

He pulled me to my feet and taking the wine, led me into the depths of the house, which was dark now that the sun had disappeared. But instead of leading me up the stairs as I had imagined, he made his way into the living room, setting the bottle down on the mantelpiece.

"What's wrong with my bed?" I teased as he turned to face me. "Let's go upstairs."

"No, no...we can be comfortable here..." He kissed me, his hands roaming over my body and making me tingle.

His lips silenced any protests I had, but I felt strange doing this in the main room of the house. What would happen if Lisa came back unexpectedly, or the new occupants of the cottage needed something? At least my bedroom door had a lock.

"Mike..." I pulled away. "I'd really feel better if we went to my room."

"Oh, Louise...isn't this more of a turn-on here? We've got the sofa, the floor, anywhere you like..."

But I felt exposed and vulnerable. The last thing I wanted was someone to walk in and see us. "Please, Mike. I just imagined us in my bed."

He stopped and looked at me. "I want you here, Louise. I've fantasised about making love to you on that sofa." He pointed to the furniture. "When you're gone I want to lie there and remember you in my arms."

He kissed me again, more forcefully this time and I melted into his arms. Pressing my body close to his, I moaned a little at the feel of his erection straining through his shorts, but I still felt uncomfortable being here. I knew I wouldn't be able to relax fully with the fear that someone could walk in on us.

"What about Pierre?"

Mike stopped and frowned. "What about Pierre?"

"He might come around to see you."

"Oh, for God's sake, Louise! No-one is going to catch us. Relax!"

But I couldn't. His fingers started to unbutton my shirt and I tensed at being so exposed and naked. I had visions of Lisa arriving home earlier than expected and witnessing her boyfriend screwing her guest.

"Stop, Mike...I can't do this here. I'm sorry."

He stared at me, his face flushed with annoyance. Surely if he cared for me, he would relent and take my up to my bedroom? 

"This is ridiculous, Louise...do you know that?" He ran his fingers through his hair and held me away from him. "No-one, I repeat, no-one is going to come and catch us. Is this just an excuse?"

"No, I just don't feel comfortable here, that's all. Can't you understand that?"

"No, quite frankly, I can't. This morning you were gagging for sex. Now, you're like a fucking ice-queen, giving me stupid excuses." He turned away from me and went over to the mantelpiece, his face dark and angry.

I gasped at his words and felt the tears start to gather in my eyes. This wasn't how I expected it to be at all. What had I done wrong?

"Mike, I'm sorry. I just thought we'd go to bed, that's all. I'm just terrified that Lisa or your guests will see us."

He strode over to me and took me by the shoulders. "They won't fucking well see us! How many more times do I have to say that?"

I gazed at him in fear, his face contorted with fury. The tender caring Mike had gone completely and I shrank back from him, my heart hammering in my chest. Outside an enormous clap of thunder made me jump and Mike gripped me tighter.

"I'm going to have sex with you now, whether you want it or not," he ground out. "All this time you've led me on and when it comes to it, you say you feel "uncomfortable?" 

He grabbed me and kissed me hard on the lips, his tongue forcing my mouth open and bruising the soft skin. "No," I cried out, trying desperately to free myself from his grip. "Mike, please!"

But he wouldn't listen and pushed me down onto the edge of the sofa, his knees roughly parting my legs while his hands almost ripped my blouse open. "Come on, Louise...you know you want this as much as I do...admit it. Is this part of the game for you?"

"No..." I moaned. "I didn't want it to be like this...why are you so mad with me?"

He stopped briefly and looked at me, his eyes wide. "I thought you were bored with your life? With your husband? I thought you were looking for a bit of excitement? Isn't that why you came here?"

"I came because Lisa asked me. You know that."

"Oh yes, my lovely Lisa. You don't know as much about her as you think you do."

He still held me tightly and the awful realisation swept over me that I'd been manipulated and brought here for reasons I couldn't begin to comprehend. "What do you mean?"

Mike laughed and ran his finger down my cheek. "This is just a game, Louise. And you're the main player, didn't you know that?"

I stared at him in confusion. The man who I had trusted completely was now mocking me, his face devious. He leant down and kissed me again. "I'm sorry for that. Shall we try again?"

His hands were rubbing my nipples through my lacy bra, exposed now where he had pulled my shirt apart, but I was filled with revulsion. This was a man I didn't recognise at all and any desire for him had disappeared. "No...I want to go to my room, Mike. I think it's best if we stay apart for a while."

"Louise..."he whispered. "Let's just forget what I said, OK...I had one too many glasses at lunchtime. Come on, I want to fuck you...can't you see that?"

I looked down at the bulge in his shorts but couldn't bring myself to surrender to him now. We'd gone past that and I just wanted to put myself as far away from him as I could. I pushed him away and was rewarded with another black look.

"What's the matter? I said I'm sorry..."

I stood up and pulled my shirt over my chest. "I can't do this, Mike. It doesn't feel right. This morning was wonderful...how can you be so different?" 

"I'm not. It's you who's changed, Louise. Making a fuss over doing it here. What's the difference?"

"I told you. I didn't feel comfortable. And now, if you'll excuse me..."

I made to go but he rose to his feet and grabbed me by the arm again. "Not so fast, Louise. You wanted this, you led me on...how can you expect to just walk away without a thought for me?"

I stared at him. "This doesn't feel right, Mike. I'm not being forced into having sex with you."

He pulled me closer again and held me tight. "I need this. I need you."

"No! Let me go, Mike. Everything's ruined between us now. I just want to be alone."

I struggled to break free from his arms but he wouldn't let go. Starting to panic as he tried to kiss me again, I twisted and turned but his arms were too strong. "Mike...please...stop this now, you're frightening me."

But he ignored my pleas and I felt his hand tugging at the waistband of my skirt, his breath hot in my ear as I squirmed to get away.

"Give in to me, Louise. Come on, stop playing now..."

But I wasn't playing, I was genuinely frightened and I realised that I hardly knew this man at all. From being worried that someone would walk in and catch us, I now positively welcomed it. I tried to remain calm and stopped struggling, moaning a little as Mike continued to kiss my ear, his hands lifting up my skirt to reveal my panties.

"So warm, you feel delicious," he groaned as his fingers sought out my wetness. Trying not to recoil from his touch, I relaxed slightly and watched as he sank to his knees, his breath warm on my skin. "Oh you want this, don't you?" he asked as he stroked my mound through the material of my knickers. "You're so wet, Louise."

I was just waiting for him to let down his guard and when he bent to kiss my pussy, I brought my knee up hard and caught him on the chin. He fell back against the hard stone floor and let out a yelp pf shocked pain. But I was already out of the door, pulling my skirt back down and determined to run as fast as I could to get away from him. Not having the time to find my car-keys I ran out of the house and along the rutted track that led to the guest cottage. The rain was cascading down and loud rumbles of thunder echoed all around me, but I ignored the weather and carried on. I was praying that the guests would be there, the storm preventing them from going out and exploring.

Behind me I could hear Mike shouting as he tried to catch up with me, but with a burst of speed, I reached the small courtyard and banged on the cottage door. Their car was still parked in front of the house and I looked back to see Mike hesitate at the end of the track. He looked furious and as we stood and stared at each other, I thought back to our first meeting, how he'd been so understanding, how I'd trusted him so much. But it was clear now that he'd been set up by Jake to seduce me for some reason, and that our attraction was nothing but an illusion. 

Stifling my sobs, I turned as the cottage door opened and smiled weakly at the woman who appeared.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but can I use your phone?"

Her look of shock prevented her from saying anything and she stood aside to let me in. I was soaking wet, my hair plastered to my face and my dripping clothes clung to my body. The woman's husband had come into the small entrance hall to see what was going on and his eyes widened when he saw me.

"I just need to use your phone. I'm staying with the people in the main house and I was caught out in the storm..."

The woman nodded and I followed her into the kitchen where a mobile phone rested on the worktop.

"There's no phone here, but you can use ours."

I picked up the mobile but suddenly realised I didn't know Lisa's number. All my contacts were stored on my own phone and I stared at the keys stupidly, desperately trying to remember the correct sequence.

Feelings of panic began to overwhelm me as I stood there, the couple watching me and sensing something was badly wrong. Finally, the woman took the phone from my hands and looked at me with sympathy. "I'll make a cup of tea, shall I? You look like you could do with one."

*

An hour later, I was sitting on the sofa, the second mug of tea steaming in my hands. Dressed in dry clothes which Sheila, my temporary hostess, had provided, I finally began to relax a little. 




Staring at the Sun Ch. 11



"I don't mean to pry, dear, but you did look in a bit of a state."

I smiled. "I'm OK. Don't worry. It was the storm, it caught me unawares."

She looked at me, her warm, grey eyes kind and I yearned to tell her the truth, but how could I? My attacker was her host.

"Well, you're welcome to stay here until your friends return. I'm surprised they didn't give you a key." She tutted and held my hand. "I dread to think what would have happened if we hadn't been here."

I agreed. With the cottage empty, Mike would have caught up with me and then what? Would he have tried to rape me here? Or dragged me back to the house? I shuddered and took a sip of the scalding sweet tea. I couldn't get his face out of my mind, how he had changed since this morning. Was it really this morning? I sat back on the sofa and closed my eyes. Somehow, I had to get away tonight and find a hotel to stay in until I could return to the Harpers farmhouse. As soon as I thought it was safe, I'd go back, pack my bags and leave. No matter what excuses Mike came up with, I would go. The situation was now too serious for me to ignore.

*

I'd made small talk with Sheila until a knock at the door heralded the arrival of Lisa, her face creased with worry and stress. She waited while I collected my wet clothes, the sight of them making my stomach twist with anxiety.

As Sheila waved goodbye, Lisa put her arm around my shoulders. "What happened? I came home to find Mike in a right state and you missing."

"I don't want to talk about it, Lisa. I just want to pack and go back to the Harpers tonight. It was a mistake to come here in the first place." I didn't trust her now. All I could think of was how I'd been manipulated into this situation and how I knew, without a doubt, that Jake was behind all this. 

"Louise, please...don't go tonight. Mike's gone to see Pierre and won't be back until later. I can't let you leave like this." She started to cry, but I just stared at her.

"This has all been planned, hasn't it? To get me here on my own? Why?"

She cried harder and I marched into the house and up to my bedroom, my anger filling me with a huge rush of energy. I wanted to scream and shout, but instead I flung open the doors of the armoire and pulled my clothes from their hangers. Grabbing my suitcase, I stuffed my belongings into it, not caring whether they would be creased or not. I just wanted to get out, find some way of getting my life back on track.

Lisa followed me up to the bedroom and watched as I frantically flung my clothes and toiletries into the bag. "I'm so sorry, Louise. I hate myself."

I ignored her and stripped off Sheila's clothes, folding them neatly and placing them on the bed. "Can you give these back to her for me? Tell her I'm really grateful."

Finding some clean clothes I hurriedly dressed and threw my wet garments into the case before snapping it shut. "Thanks for everything. I'm off." 

"Louise!" 

I almost ran down the stairs, the suitcase banging against my legs and picked up my car keys from the entrance hall table. The feeling of freedom intensified as I opened the door and made my way out into the late afternoon sunshine. The storm had passed and the sky was back to a beautiful cobalt blue. I would find a small hotel, I decided, and have a day to myself. I needed to plan what I was going to do next and just hoped that Richard hadn't been stupid enough to sign any papers yet. Somehow, with what had happened this afternoon, I doubted it. I had a feeling that the part I had refused to play had been more important than I realised.



Staring at the Sun Ch. 12



Staring At The Sun – Chapter 12, Tuesday

This story is almost at an end and I'd like to thank all of my readers for their patience - I'm sorry for the delay in submitting this chapter. 

*********************************************

The shrill ring of my mobile woke me and I blinked as the bright sunlight streamed through the window. Fumbling with the bed covers I swung my legs out of bed and, almost blinded with the glare, found the phone on the dressing table. 

Glancing at the display I saw it was Richard's number and I answered quickly, my voice sounding strained in the silence of the room.

"Where the hell are you, Louise? And what's going on?"

"Well, thank you for your concern darling. I'm fine. How are you?"

"Cut the sarcasm. What's happened? Lisa left a message last night and I couldn't get hold of you. Mike said you'd disappeared."

I laughed. "Did he tell you why? No, of course not. That's not his style, is it?"

I heard my husband sigh. "Just tell me what's happened, Louise. No dramatics, just the truth."

I hesitated. I didn't feel comfortable telling him the reason for my flight from Mike and Lisa's house over the phone. I needed to tell him in person. I'd no idea what his reaction would be and who he would blame.

"I think it's best if I tell you in person..."

"Why? What's so bad that we can't discuss it over the phone?"

"I just want to talk to you properly, not like this, Richard. Can't you understand that?"

Another sigh. "Well, where are you now?"

I looked around the small hotel room. "I'm in a little auberge just outside Millau. It took me a couple of hours to get here last night."

"Where's Millau?"

"I don't know, Richard!" I said irritably. "Does it matter? I just looked at the map and this seemed the easiest way to get back to Cahors. I didn't want to drive all night so I stopped here."

"So what are you going to do today? Go back to the farmhouse?"

"Probably. What else can I do?"

"Well, I'm going to be here until Wednesday afternoon and then we're heading back."

"You and Jake?"

There was a pause. "No, he left early this morning. I'm here with another of his friends. They're going to drive me back."

I sank down onto the bed. "I can't believe we've got ourselves into this mess, Richard. This was supposed to be our holiday."

"I know, I know. But the last few days have been great. I've met some good contacts and Jake's been brilliant. He really wants to help, Louise. Have you thought any more about what we discussed?"

"What did we discuss?"

He sighed. "Come on, Louise. Jake and Jilly will loan us the money, but we'll pay it back eventually. All they want is a stake in the business until the money's repaid."

"Why are they so willing to do this for us, Richard? Have you ever thought of that?"

"Look, I'm not going over old ground again, Louise. It's either that or we lose the house. And your parents will lose theirs too. It's that serious."

A shudder of fear ran through me again and I realised that over the last few days I'd pushed all thoughts of the business to the back of my mind. Another wave of guilt hit me at how close I'd come to throwing away my marriage, although at the moment, our future together was still on shaky ground.

"Are you still there? We've got to make a decision when you get back, Louise. And before we go home."

We carried on talking for a few minutes more, but I could tell that Richard was distracted. After our conversation, I climbed back into bed and closed my eyes. Last night had been an ordeal, the long journey proving difficult on my own. I'd had to try and memorise the map as I drove and the strange roads and gathering darkness made me almost turn back and admit defeat.

As night had fallen, I'd found a small auberge and checked in, dumping my bags before eating alone in their tiny restaurant. But I couldn't stop thinking about Mike, how he'd changed and how he'd manipulated me over the last week. What was his motivation, I wondered? And was Lisa his accomplice? It certainly looked like it now.

Twice she'd called me, but I'd ignored the insistent ringing and turned my mobile off. I didn't want to speak to anyone, least of all Mike and Lisa. Their role in my current despair was complete.

Now, the day stretched ahead of me and I wondered what I would do. I didn't want to stay here another night and incur more expense so I had no option but to return to the Harpers' farmhouse and keep my head low until Richard returned.

Suddenly I felt stupid. What was I doing here all alone? And how would Jake react when I reappeared at the farmhouse this afternoon? I shuddered at the thought of being there by myself and vulnerable to Jake and Jilly's attempts to make me accept their help.

Sighing, I packed my overnight bag, showered and went down to breakfast, the map in my hand. I wanted to take as long as possible to get back to Cahors and wondered if there was a place I could stop en-route to delay my arrival.

Angry with myself for being in this position, I searched the map, but decided that the best thing would be to head back immediately and face Jake. Any attraction I had for him had long gone and perhaps we could have a sensible talk about how I felt about the business. Or had the damage been done already?

*

My mood lifted as I drove. It was another beautiful day and the storm of yesterday had washed the sky clean making it a deep azure blue. How wonderful it would be, I thought, if I could just meander along without a care in the world. I made a promise to myself that if things worked out, we would return to this part of France and have a proper holiday with the children. But that dream seemed a long way off at the moment.

It was late afternoon when I eventually drove through the stone entrance to the Harpers' farmhouse. I'd stopped for a long lunch at a tiny roadside restaurant and lingered over my meal with one of the books I'd brought with me. Despite my worries I'd enjoyed the peaceful surroundings of the garden and the break from the journey had given me time to put my thoughts into order. I was determined not to give in to the Harpers.

The house was silent when I arrived; there were no cars parked in the large gravelled area in front of the house and I wondered if Jake and Jilly were home. Slamming the car door I looked up at the house but the shuttered windows just gazed sleepily back at me, giving nothing away.

I didn't have a key to our room, so I ventured into the cool darkness of the house in search of one of Jilly's team of staff who seemed to exist to cater for their bosses' every whim. A clattering of pots and pans came from the kitchen and I made my way there, hoping I could just get the key and go. 

But my hopes were dashed. Jake himself was in the kitchen, a bottle of wine in one hand and a plate of cheese and crackers in the other. He stared at me in surprise and must have seen the look of shock and dismay on my face.

"Louise? I didn't think you'd be back until tomorrow. Richard's still away..."

His voice trailed away and we stared at each other, the tension almost unbearable. "I left yesterday evening." I replied "I thought Mike would have told you."

"No, I've been on the road most of the day. What's happened?"

I looked away and fiddled with the strap of my handbag. "Nothing. I just wanted to come back earlier. I hoped Richard would be here."

Jake put down the wine and plate and came towards me. "You look terrible, Louise. Is everything OK?"

I gazed into his eyes and wished that I could trust him. How wonderful it would be to have him as a good friend in whom I could confide. But there was something about his eyes that made me want to back away.

"Do you have a key to the room, Jake? I need to unpack."

"Of course. But why not have a glass of wine with me first? I was just making myself a snack."

I hesitated. "I don't know. I've been travelling all day."

"Oh, come on, Louise. Just one glass and then you can unpack and lie down for a while. It's so bloody hot today."

Feeling I had no choice, I followed him into the cool living room and sank down on one of the padded armchairs. I suddenly felt exhausted and just wanted to close my eyes and drift away. The silence was absolute and I heard Jake opening the wine and the clink of glasses. I opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me, that strange look back on his face.

"Have this," he said. "It'll make you feel better."

I took the glass from him, our fingers touching slightly, and I jumped. In the gloomy light he appeared bigger and more threatening and I wondered if we were completely alone in the house.

"Uh...are Rob and Diana here?" I stammered, taking a large gulp of wine and feeling more and more nervous by the minute.

"No, they're visiting some friends. They'll be back tomorrow and then they're off home."

He looked at me and I was sure he knew what I was thinking. Like a cat with a mouse, he had me just where he wanted me.

"Why did you take Richard to Toulouse?"

Jake laughed. "Relax, Louise. I had a few contacts there who I thought might help. Richard enjoyed himself and made a couple of friends."

"What contacts?"

Jake shrugged his shoulders. "Businessmen who need the services Richard offers. That sort of thing."

I gazed at him. "This was supposed to be our holiday, Jake. Do you know that? I feel that I've been hoodwinked about the reasons for coming here and I don't like it."

He laughed again. "No ulterior motives, Louise, I promise." He spread out his hands, palms up and smiled at me. "You read too much into things."

"Do I?"

"Look, why don't you have dinner with me tonight? Jilly's still away and the staff have a day off as there's no-one here. I'll take you to a great little place that you'll love."

I couldn't believe I was hearing this. Did he really have such a thick skin? "No, I don't think so. I just want to have an early night."

He stayed silent for a few minutes. "OK, I understand but what about we talk things over tonight? You give me your side of the story? I know you've been worried."

Every part of me screamed out to refuse his offer, but I hesitated. This was what I wanted, surely? A chance to talk to him and get him to see my point of view?

Jake could see the doubt in my eyes and moved forward. His eyes glinted in the darkness and I imagined myself as a fly caught in a spider's web. "How about it? I promise I'll behave. Just a business meeting? Plus, I want to hear all about your visit to Mike and Lisa's house...you haven't mentioned that yet..."

I ignored his probing question and rose to my feet. "My holiday has been ruined, Jake, and I hold you partly responsible for that. But I'll have dinner with you on the understanding that we just talk about business...agreed?"

He took a sip of wine and nodded. "Whatever you want. But don't blame me for the holiday, Louise. Jilly and I have done everything we can to help and it's you who's resisted that. Richard doesn't seem to have a problem." He smiled at me and I felt suddenly as if I'd played straight into his hands.

I gathered my defences one last time. "This goes against all my instincts, Jake, but I feel I have no choice."

He took my hand and whispered in my ear. "You always have a choice, sweetheart. See you later..."

*

Back in the privacy of my room, I unpacked and opened the door to the terrace. I couldn't get over how quiet the farmhouse was and I shivered. Tonight there would just be the two of us in the whole building. The intimacy of this fact made me tremble and my pulse race. I had been stupid to think that there was no attraction between Jake and I. He had the power to mesmerise me, despite my suspicions, and I hated myself for it and how my body betrayed me whenever he was near. Jake knew it too and exploited me to the full.

Was that the reason I dressed carefully for dinner? Choosing a chaste white dress that, although accentuating my tan, covered most of my body? My make-up was light and I twisted my long hair up into a bun. I hoped I looked suitably business-like.

But I still stared at myself in the mirror and felt revulsion at what I was doing. What was wrong with me? I had already escaped from one man and here I was about to enter the lion's den with another. Hadn't I learned my lesson? And Jake was potentially even more dangerous than Mike.

Taking one last look at my face, I grabbed my purse and headed out of the door. Jake's Range Rover stood on the gravel, a big imposing car that shouted money and power. I shivered again and made my way around to the terrace where Jake was waiting for me, a glass of white wine in his hand. His eyes lit up as I approached.

"You look beautiful, Louise. This weather suits you."

I knew well that the tension and stress of the last week was etched into my face and ignored his comment. If he thought he could get around me by flattering my ego he was mistaken.

Accepting a glass of wine from him, he stared into my eyes. "I spoke with Mike this evening. He said you ran away."

I felt myself blush under his gaze and turned away to look at the view. "I didn't run away. I left. Did he tell you why?"

"There was some sort of misunderstanding, he said, and he regrets what happened."

I felt myself start to tremble at the awkwardness of the situation. Jake had the unerring ability to make me feel small. Small and vulnerable.

From feeling I had the upper hand this evening, I suddenly felt my self-confidence melt away. And Jake knew it too.

"Do you want to give me your version of events?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it, Jake. It was just a misunderstanding, as Mike said, and I want to forget the whole thing."

He shrugged and drained the rest of his wine. "Come on, I'm hungry."

I hastily swallowed my drink and followed him around to the front of the house. The evening sun bathed everything in a warm glow and I noticed how beautiful the building was, the stonework reflecting the soft golden hues back onto our faces. Jake opened the door for me and I breathed in the spicy scent of his aftershave.

"Where is this place?"

He started the engine and glanced at me. "Not far away. It's an old restored mill. Beautifully furnished and has three Michelin stars. I hope you're hungry, too."

I wasn't. My appetite had disappeared and as we drove through the lush, green countryside, I could feel my stomach doing somersaults. How different this would be if we were old friends indulging in an evening out...if Jake was an old and trusted friend who only wanted to help, not exploit.

"You're very quiet, Louise. Tell me what you're thinking."

"How long have you known Richard?"

Jake paused for a while. "Must be twenty five years at least. You know we were at University together?"

I nodded. "What about after University? Did you keep in touch?"

"No, which was a shame. We lost contact and then I met and married Jilly. Started a business and that kept us busy. You know how it is."

I stared out of the window. "How did you meet up again then?"

Jake shrugged. "Friend of a friend I think. Can't really remember."

I looked at him and he smiled. "That meeting in Dover wasn't planned. I know you think it was, but it wasn't."

"You told me that."

"I did. And I have a feeling you still don't believe me, Louise. That you view me with mistrust."

"Can you blame me? I don't know who to trust anymore."

"Mike?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about Mike."

"I'm sorry. Look, we seem to have got the evening off to a bad start. No more talk of business until we get to the main course. How about that?"

I agreed and the conversation turned to our respective children. For all his faults, it was clear that Jake loved his family. I felt myself begin to relax slightly as we chatted, Jake making me laugh with a story of how his children had almost burned the farmhouse down once when they had tried to light the enormous log fire in the living room.

"Ah, I love them, but they're a constant worry."

I smiled and realised we had arrived at our destination. Jake steered his huge car through a narrow set of iron gates which led to an old millhouse, set beautifully against a backdrop of fields and woods.

"This is one of my favourite places. I'm sure you'll love it."

Taking my arm he led me into the tastefully furnished interior, the front of house woman welcoming him as if he were an old friend. Our table looked out over the tumbling stream and the countryside beyond. Jake took his seat and smiled. "Like it?"

I nodded. The restaurant was quiet and elegant, the service discreet and efficient. I settled into my seat and looked out over the view. "I know we said we weren't going to mention the business, but what have you talked about with Richard?"

Jake unfolded his napkin and took the heavy leather-bound menu from the waiter. "We want to help, Louise. Whether it's a cash injection or through contacts."

"What sort of cash injection?"

He shrugged. "I haven't finalised it yet."

"And what happens with the business? Do you take control?"

Another shrug. "It depends."

A feeling of frustration grew within me. Was Jake just humouring me? "Look, this is so important to me. Don't you realise that?"

"Yes, of course and it's important to me, too. Very important."

His gaze was intense and I shuddered. The tension between us was back and I concentrated on the menu, my eyes darting from one extravagantly described dish to another.

"Want me to order for you?"

I shook my head. "No, I'll just have something simple. I had a meal at lunchtime as well."

"That's you, isn't it, Louise? Simple and uncomplicated? Not like Jilly. She's never bloody happy."

I looked up in surprise. He was still perusing the menu, but his face was set and angry all of a sudden.

"Are you and Richard happy?"

His question took me by surprise. "Y-yes, I think so. We have our ups and downs like any couple."

"What about Mike? Where did he fit in?"

I blushed. "What do you mean?"

"You and Mike? There was something going on there, you can't deny it."

"I thought we weren't going to talk about that."

"I know, but sometimes it helps to get things out."

I looked at him and almost laughed out loud. "Since when have you been so understanding, Jake?"

He ignored me. "Does Richard know what happened?"

We stared at each other and I felt my insides turn to water. "No, he doesn't. It meant nothing."

"Really? Then why did you run away?"

"I didn't run away."

He sat back and gazed at me, a sardonic smile hovering over his lips. "Come on, tell me the truth."

"This meal was supposed to be a way of discussing the business, Jake, not a probe into my personal life."

He ignored my statement and leaned forward. "Does Richard know how you feel about Mike? What would he say if he did?"

I felt my heartbeat quicken. "I don't feel anything for Mike at all. And I'm not going to talk about this any more, Jake."

He laughed. "Sorry. I just like seeing you all worked up. You seem so much more passionate somehow. And I know how passionate you can be..."

I was saved from answering by the arrival of the waiter who took our order. My appetite was non-existent and I chose a chicken salad, my choice prompting another sardonic smile from my companion.

"I seem to remember you ordering that back in Amboise when you first met Mike. Only he's not here to save you now is he?"

"Can we just get off this subject? My relationship with Mike has nothing to do with you, Jake. Are you getting off on this?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Getting off? That's a funny expression."

"Excuse me a minute, will you?" I rose to my feet and flung my napkin down on the table. I needed to get away to compose myself and try and retrieve that business-like image I'd tried so hard to cultivate. I had a feeling that Jake was playing a nasty little game with me.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 12



"Sure. Take your time. I'll order the wine."

"Just water for me, please."

"Oh no, Louise. There's a fantastic red on the menu that I know you'll love. Just one glass?"

Ignoring him, I made my way to the ladies' room that was more sumptuous than my own bathroom at home. I stood in front of the mirror and gazed at my worried reflection. What had Mike told Jake? And what if he lied and said we'd slept together? I had no doubt that Jake would bribe me and threaten that he'd tell Richard. All part of his plan to humiliate me and ensure I'd go along with my husband to sign over the business. But why? What was his motivation?

Tearing myself away from the safety of the bathroom, I returned to the table to see Jake admiring a glass of deep ruby wine. Its twin stood next to my plate and I sank onto my seat, feeling a deep sense of defeat.

"Taste the wine, Louise. It's fabulous."

I lifted the glass to my lips and smelt the rich fruit flavours. Jake was concentrating on his glass, his eyes closed as he swirled the wine around his mouth. 

"God, that's good," he said, swallowing his mouthful. "What do you think?"

"It's OK," I replied, letting the silky liquid slide down my throat. The alcohol hit my empty stomach and I felt the warmth spread out through my body. "Which wine is it?"

He smiled. A slow, smug smile that gave me my answer straight away. "It's mine, Louise. My first growth. A real success, don't you think?"

I thought of Mike and his precious vineyard and knew that Jake would delight in the knowledge that a top-class restaurant stocked his wine. Suddenly I felt a stab of sympathy for my erstwhile lover.

"What does Mike think of your success?"

Jake shrugged. "He accepts it."

"Does he? Not jealous at all?"

For the first time I saw a hint of guilt in Jake's eyes. The mask had slipped slightly and I decided to try and chisel my way through this chip in his armour.

"You must know how passionate Mike is about his wine. It's all he lives for, right?"

"Yes, I suppose he does. But I try and help."

"Help? Isn't that a bit patronising?"

He ignored my question and stared at me, his face darkening. "I try and help my friends, Louise. Isn't that what friends are for?"

"Why are you so desperate to help Richard and me? What's in it for you?"

Our eyes were locked and I felt the tension grow. My hand trembled slightly as I raised my glass again, needing another hit of alcohol to steady my nerves.

"We go back a long way, Louise. I already told you."

I knew then that he was holding something back from me. There was a strange expression in his eyes and I shuddered. The tension was broken by the arrival of our meals and I looked down at the beautifully presented food and wondered how I was going to get through the rest of this dinner.

But Jake concentrated on his own meal and silence reigned for a while as we ate. Around us the diners were chatting happily and I envied them their relaxed moods. I felt as if I were on trial here, any word I said carefully analysed and recorded for future use. My mind went back to the last afternoon with Mike. Had he been set up by Jake to seduce me and use the evidence to get back at me? For what reason? Surely they wouldn't go to all that trouble to seduce me when, in effect, Mike had already done so? My mind was whirling with thoughts and I felt suddenly tired and exhausted. I just wanted to go to sleep and blank everything out, be back with my husband and packing to go home.

"Are you OK? Food alright?"

I looked up to see Jake watching me carefully. I set down my knife and fork and rubbed my temples. "I'm fine, just a headache, that's all."

"It's been a long day."

I nodded and pushed my plate away. I'd eaten hardly anything and Jake noticed. "Are you sure you're alright? Want me to take you home?"

I shook my head. "No, I might just go outside for a breath of fresh air, if you don't mind."

I stood up shakily and held onto the table for support. Jake continued to watch me, his eyes giving nothing away."

"I'll pay the bill and meet you outside. I won't be a minute."

I nodded and made my way unsteadily to the door, my legs feeling as if they were made of jelly. What was wrong with me? I'd barely drunk two glasses of wine so it couldn't be the alcohol, but I felt dizzy and disorientated.

The cool night air felt like a balm to my hot skin and I leant against Jake's Range Rover, trying desperately to calm myself and slow down my rapid breathing. I couldn't faint now, not when I needed to keep my wits about me and hold Jake at arm's length. Praying fervently that he would appear soon, I jumped when I felt his hand touch my shoulder. 

"Feeling better?"

I shook my head. "No, I want to go back."

Jake opened the door for me and I almost collapsed onto the leather seat, my vision blurring again as he made his way around to the driver's door. The noise of the engine started up but it seemed to come from a long way away and I finally succumbed to the unconsciousness that I knew was inevitable.

*

Dreams...was I awake or dreaming? I could hear a voice...deep and soothing, but I couldn't see anything. My eyelids felt as if they were taped shut, but with a huge effort I managed to open them. A soft light came from somewhere but even that burned into my pupils, making me shut my eyes again. I tried to move, but the effort was too much.

"Don't struggle."

That voice again. Why did I recognise it?

"W...where am I?" My lips were dry and parched and I struggled to open my eyes again.

"Shush...stay still..." A finger was placed on my lips and I inhaled a hint of spicy aftershave. The finger was taken away and I felt a hand stroke my face. "Everything's OK."

But it felt wrong. My head was hammering and I was so thirsty. "Water, please..."

I felt the person leave me and struggled again. This time I opened my eyes properly but everything was hazy. The walls quivered and trembled, the soft light hazy, becoming brighter one minute and dull the next.

The effort of trying to keep my eyes open was too much and I collapsed back onto the soft fabric beneath me, only then realising I was completely naked. Fear and panic started to well up in me and I felt the warm tears roll down my face. I knew that I was virtually helpless; at the mercy of whoever it was that had put me into this state. Thoughts of my children came into my mind and I cried harder. What had happened on the drive back? I struggled to remember but couldn't.

I heard footsteps and opened my eyes again. A man's face swam into view and I felt a hard object held to my lips. 

"Drink it. You'll feel better."

"Where am I?"

"Shush...don't worry."

The cup was taken away and I tried desperately to focus on the man in front of me. His voice echoed around the room and I put my hands to my ears in an effort to channel the sound.

"Oh, Louise...it could have been so simple..."

I jumped as I felt a hand touch my breast. "Who are you?"

This time I felt warm breath on my cheek, that hint of spicy aftershave again. "It's Jake. You're a bit drunk, aren't you Louise? Were you drinking in your room before we went out?"

I gasped. "N-no. You know I wasn't!"

"Such beautiful skin you have, Louise...did Mike enjoy what you gave him?"

My head was whirling now. I felt confused, dizzy and sick with nerves. This couldn't be happening, could it? "Jake...please...tell me what's happened. Where are my clothes?"

He laughed. "You took them off, Louise. Don't you remember?"

I shook my head to rid my brain of the thick fog. I couldn't remember anything; the drive back to the farmhouse, nothing at all.

"Did we..."

"Did we what, sweetheart? Did we make love...yes, I suppose we did. You were very good, so responsive...Richard, and I suppose Mike now, are lucky men."

I put a hand to my ears to block out his words. My cry was that of a wounded animal. How could this have happened to me? The tears flowed again and Jake leant close to me again. "Louise...it was beautiful...just how I imagined it would be."

I shook my head. "No...no...please tell me you're lying Jake. I don't remember...please..."

"You want to see a video of us together? Would that make you believe me?"

I gasped in horror, struggling to sit up again. The room swam and I felt sick. "What have you done to me? What have you done?"

He looked down at me and smiled. Then leaning in closer, he kissed me softly on the cheek. "This would have been so much simpler if you'd given into loverboy, Louise. You liked Mike, didn't you? I presume he liked you...but no, you had to ruin it all and run off, like a frightened virgin. I thought better of you. Thought you were ready for a bit of adventure."

He walked away, flicked a switch on the cabinet and the huge television screen flickered into life. I was able to make out the room I was in now, the Harpers' living room but the lights were much brighter. As I watched, I saw two figures almost stumble into the room, and then the picture grew clearer. With a mounting sense of horror, I watched Jake and myself kissing passionately by the sofa, his hands roaming all over my body. I seemed to be slumped against him but I was kissing him back, my hands rifling through his hair, my eyes closed.

He moved away from me and turned me around, his fingers finding the zip of my dress and loosening it for me. I watched as I saw myself pull the dress down, revealing my skimpy bra and briefs, my body paler in the bright lights of the room.

I turned away from the screen and sobbed, but Jake twisted me around to look. "Louise, you're a natural. I wonder how Richard will feel when he sees this."

"No...oh God, no, Jake. Please..."

"Oh yes, Louise. He'll see it alright. Maybe it'll be the first thing he sees when he returns tomorrow. What are you going to tell him, hey?"

I tried to get up then, but he wouldn't let me. He gripped my arms hard and forced me to watch as the on-screen lovers kissed and groped each other, Jake's hands pulling down my bra and feasting on my swollen nipples.

"God, you tasted good. Just like I knew you would."

I cried silently, my head full of the children, my parents, how my whole life was about to explode and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

"This next bit's good. Surely you remember this?"

I watched in horror as Jake knelt before me and pulled my panties down. I could see my eyes were closed, but my hands were pulling his head in closer to my pussy, almost grabbing him in an attempt to get him to eat me. As he parted the soft folds of my skin with his fingers, I watched myself collapse back onto the sofa and open my legs wide for his tongue and fingers. The sound was not clear, but I could hear myself moaning and crying as he expertly tongued me, his fingers holding my folds apart as I writhed on the sofa.

"That's not me," I whispered, my hands covering my face. "What did you give me in the restaurant?"

Jake laughed. "Nothing, Louise. I think you were having a secret little drink in your room before we went out for dinner. You don't seem to be pushing me away, do you?"

"I don't remember this...I can't..."

"Shush...look...this is good as well. I don't often video myself but I have to admit, I look in great shape."

He turned back to the screen and I saw him remove his clothes, his rigid cock springing to attention the minute he released it from his pants. I watched as he turned me around and rubbed the head along my pussy lips, saw myself collapse back onto the sofa, my head buried in the thick cushions. 

"You don't know how erotic I find this," he murmured and I remembered I was still naked. I looked up at him and saw the fierce arousal in his eyes and felt how vulnerable I was. I still felt dizzy and sick, my eyes were finding it hard to focus, but I shrunk back into the chair and looked at the screen again as I saw Jake thrust his cock hard into me. He gripped me by the hips and began a long, slow rhythm, his eyes closed in concentration. I watched myself push back at him, my moans still distinct, but even with my face buried in the cushions, it looked like I was receiving as much pleasure as him.

"This can't be true," I whispered.

"It is, Louise, and you look like you're enjoying every thrust of my cock. You have to agree."

He sank down so he was level with me, his hands reaching out for my breasts. "I want to do it again. You felt so good, do you know that?"

"No...no. Jake, please. I'll do whatever you want, just don't show this to Richard."

"Fuck me again, then...make it worth my while..."

I looked up at him and saw the dark desire in his eyes. They were almost black now and I knew that even if I tried to resist, he would have his way. Whatever he'd put into my wine was strong enough to disorientate me and make me believe I was making love with someone else. How else could I explain the two people panting and thrusting on the screen in front of me?

*



Staring at the Sun Ch. 13



Staring At The Sun – Chapter 13, Wednesday

This is the penultimate chapter of this story and I hope you enjoy. The last chapter is being written at the moment and should appear soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A faint sliver of light peeps between the shuttered window and I turn over once again in bed. The room is almost silent; the only sounds are the beating of my heart and the faint rhythmic breathing of my companion. I look over at him, his dark head half-hidden by the pillows and my eyes follow the outline of his jaw, shaded now with the first growth of stubble.

I can barely believe I'm here in bed with my enemy, Jake Harper. The events of last night are still shrouded in a thick fog of drug-induced amnesia and I can only remember fragments of what happened between us. Of our first coupling, I have no recollection whatsoever; it's only the proof on the grainy video that made me believe what happened after we returned from the restaurant.

My head still aches and I feel strangely distanced from reality. As if this is all a dream and soon I'll be awake, be back in my own bed at home and this whole holiday just a nightmare. My stomach flips over as Jake moves, his hand reaching out to push away the covers. I try and edge my way out of the bed, but he grabs me, pulls me back into the suffocating warmth of the quilt, his hand gripping my arm.

"Not so fast, Louise. We had an agreement, don't forget."

I stay still as he edges nearer, his breath warm in my ear. "I can't remember. You drugged me."

Jake laughs and tilts my face to his, our eyes meeting in the half-light. I can see his arousal as he stares at me, feel the electric tension between us. I don't remember last night and getting to bed, the haze of amnesia clouding my memory and I think maybe it's better that way. I doubt very much that he let me sleep without taking advantage of me once again. 

So, last night I was spared the full realisation of what happened but this morning the house is still empty, there's no-one here to distract him and I'm completely at his mercy. I move slightly and stretch my legs out in bed, my skin making contact with his. The feeling is electric and we both know it. He seizes the moment and kisses me on the lips, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth as I surrender. My body is betraying me now, my nipples have stiffened and I can feel the familiar twist of desire shoot through me as Jake shifts his body so he's almost lying on top of me.

I groan as his hands find my breasts and his touch is surprisingly gentle. I expected him to be rough but he tenderly caresses the skin and I open my eyes to look at his face which is relaxed, all trace of aggression gone. He pulls back the quilt to expose my body and I instinctively try and cover myself, but he stops me. 

"Don't, Louise. You're beautiful. I want to see you."

I lie back on the bed and look down as his mouth explores my swollen nipples, his tongue rasping across the soft skin, the stubble on his chin leaving faint marks. I can feel my arousal grow stronger, can feel the trickle of moisture build in my pussy as he concentrates on my breasts, sucking on the nipples until I want to scream out with pleasure. How can I be doing this? How can I capitulate so easily? But was this always going to happen between us? Right from the first night in Dover when he exploded into my world and shattered it forever?

Against my will, my hands move to stroke his hair and he murmurs in approval. I run my fingers down the side of his face and lift his head to stare into his eyes. He seems drugged himself as he gazes at me, his eyes dark. "What's the matter?" he asks. "Aren't you enjoying this?"

I nod and I can feel the tears build in my eyes. "What have you done to me?"

He smiles. "Nothing. You wanted this, Louise. I could see it in your eyes when we first met. You can't deny it." He lowers his head again and resumes his exploration of my breasts, his mouth moving down over my stomach and making me shiver with anticipation. His lips are warm and his tongue leaves a trail of wetness over my skin while his hands slip between my thighs, their dampness giving away how aroused I am.

"I can smell you," he murmurs, parting my legs and looking up at me. "Don't tell me you don't want this. You'd be lying."

He's right. I give in to the pleasure that's filling me, the sweet sensations running through my veins like a drug. I can't stop this now, even if I wanted to. Jake's touch is expert, his fingers stroking my wet slit, making the need for him to be inside me grow with sudden intensity. His tongue is now taking the place of his fingers and I gasp as his breath moves over my exposed pussy. I open my legs wider, pulling the soft folds of skin apart to make it easier for him to plunder the depths. I'm moaning now, my hips moving from side to side on the bed as he probes my inner secrets with his tongue, that delicious stubble adding friction which almost takes me over the edge. 

"Come for me, Louise," he whispers and starts to rub my clitoris, gently pushing two fingers deep inside me. The sensations are making me crazy; my mind is a jumbled whirl of ecstasy and guilt as I imagine the three men in my life, Richard, Jake and Mike, giving me pleasure like this. The fantasy sends me over the edge and I orgasm, my body exploding, waves of bliss washing over me as I go higher and higher. 

I shudder as the waves eventually die down, my body shaking from the intensity. Jake is stroking me again now, his eyes never leaving my face while he watches my reaction. "You're some woman, Louise. At times, Jilly's like a poker in bed. No reaction whatsoever."

Without warning, Sophie LeGrange appears in my mind, the woman Jake is supposed to be having an affair with. I imagine them in bed together, remember her cool aloofness and wonder if that coldness warms up when she is alone with Jake.

"What about Sophie? Is she a better lover?"

Jake stops stroking me and his face hardens. "What did you say?"

"Sophie...I thought you were lovers?"

"Who the hell told you that?" Jake's voice is quiet now and his tone menacing. "Tell me."

I'm enjoying his discomfort and watch as he sits up, his hand running through his hair in a gesture that reminds me of Mike. He stares at me and I smile. "A friend told me, Jake. Is it true?"

In answer, he leans down to kiss me, but all the gentleness is gone, his mouth rakes over mine with a bruising hardness that makes me gasp. "Tell me, now!"

I struggle with him, but he lifts one leg over my body and pins me to the bed, his erect cock hovering at the entrance to my pussy. His eyes burn into mine and he grabs my arms and holds them above my head so I'm totally exposed. There's no doubt he's in control now and I feel a stab of pleasure as he lowers his head again to feast on my breasts. 

"Oh God... Jake," I moan as he nips at the buds with his teeth, his cock moving up and 

down the entrance to my vagina. 

"You want this hard and rough, don't you, hey? Who the fuck told you about Sophie and me?"

I close my eyes and reach out for his cock, stroking its length and making him moan. I try and guide him inside me but he pulls away. "Tell me, Louise."

"I will," I pant. "After this."

With a single hard thrust he enters me and I cry out, my legs opening to receive his body, my surrender complete. He looks down, a glint of triumph in his eyes and starts to move hard and deep within me. I hook my legs around his waist and draw him in tighter, my hands moving over his warm back, my eyes closed with pleasure. I'm lost now, lost in this sensation of Jake inside me, his body moving in time with mine, skin on skin as we make love. 

All thoughts of Mike's betrayal are forgotten and I hardly think of my husband as we thrust and moan our way through this ultimate intimacy. All I can concentrate on is the here and now, the sweat glistening on our bodies, the muffled groans and gasps as we travel the road to orgasm together, Jake's eyes closed in concentration as he thrusts time and time again, my wet pussy holding tight onto his cock as it invades me over and over. 

"God, Louise..." Jake moans and grabs my thighs, lifting my legs onto his shoulders as he moves even deeper inside me. I can feel my second orgasm start to build; Jake is slamming hard into me now, the sweat running down his face as he plunders the very heart of me. My hand strays to my clitoris again, rubbing in small circles that I know will soon take me over the edge. Will we come together? Explode in a mass of mutual pleasure and lust?

"Louise...I'm going to come..." 

I look up at my lover and see his face clenched with pleasure. The sight of him tips me over the edge into the sweet abyss and I fall with him, our cries and moans echoing around the room. He thrusts one last time and then holds me tight, our bodies joined as the feelings explode and then fall, our breathing heavy and ragged.

I collapse back onto the bed and look up at Jake. His face is serious and I reach up to stroke his hair. But he grabs hold of my hand. "Who told you?"

Before I can answer him, I hear a noise at the door. It's slightly open and I'm sure I heard a movement outside. I quickly get out of bed and make my way across the room, my footsteps silent on the bare tiled floor. 

"What's up?" Jake looks at me with curiosity but I put a finger to my lips as I carefully push the door so it opens further. What I see almost makes my heart stop...

*

The cup of coffee revives me a little, but I still feel drained, a terrible emptiness inside me as I stare out over the view. Jake sits opposite me, a grim expression on his face, his fingers constantly playing with a cigarette that burns away in his hand.

One of the staff has arrived to work in the house and has made us a simple breakfast of croissants and French toast, but I can't eat a thing, my stomach's churning with nerves.

"Are you sure it was him?"

I look at Jake and my face creases into a frown. "Of course I'm sure! He's my husband after all!"

"Well, where the hell's he gone?"

"I don't know." I start to cry again and Jake rises from his chair, his movements impatient. He inhales deeply on his cigarette and turns to face me.

"You know, this is bizarre...and strangely fitting."

"What is?"

"If I'd known this was going to happen, then all that mucking about last night could have been avoided."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Look, I'm going out. Can you be here for lunch? We might be able to get this whole bloody business wrapped up sooner than I thought."

He stubs his cigarette out and turns to go, but at the last minute stops. "Oh, and try and find out where Richard's sloped off to."

I watch as he strides across the terrace and disappears around the side of the house. A moment later I hear the growl of the Range Rover, the crunch of tyres on gravel and then a deep and uneasy silence.

*

The morning stretches ahead of me and there's nothing to do except read my book. I try and contact Richard by phone but it clicks onto voicemail every time I call. My hands shake as I place the mobile down on the table and I will my husband to return. How much did he see this morning? Enough to know that Jake and I spent the night together, that's for sure.

My marriage is ruined now; I know that without a shadow of a doubt. I can't concentrate on the book. All I can think of is the children, what will happen to the house and the business. Richard's welcome to the Harpers now, but I don't think he'll accept their help after what he saw this morning. How can he? Which means that the business my parents so carefully set up and nurtured will collapse.

As the sun becomes hotter and lunchtime approaches, I grow worried about Richard's state of mind, but when I return to the room for a shower, he's sitting on the bed, his head in his hands.

I'm startled. We both stare at each other and he gets to his feet, pushing past me to gaze out of the window at the view.

I don't dare say anything and my heart is hammering in my chest as if it's about to explode. We stay silent for several minutes and then Richard breaks the silence.

"All I wanted was to save the business Louise. This holiday was a way of being together and sorting out the problems we had."

I turn to look at him. His face is grey and the bags under his eyes make him look suddenly older. "I know...Richard...I'm so sorry."

"Don't you dare say that." His eyes glisten with tears and I sink onto the bed, my legs suddenly weak with worry and nerves.

"How the hell can you say you're sorry? You weren't sorry this morning, were you?"

I start to cry, my mind full of the images of Jake and I together, the passion between us. How could I ever excuse that?

Richard runs his fingers through his hair. "We're finished now, do you know that? There's no way I'm ever going to let Jake give us the money now." 

"We don't need his help..."

"How long, hey? How long has this been going on? And what the hell happened with Mike? Did you fuck him as well?"

I start to sob uncontrollably, my body shaking with emotion. I want to run and get in the car, drive away from this and never come back but it's impossible. "It's not what you think, Richard! Jake drugged me last night. He wants something from both of us but I don't know what it is!"

"You expect me to believe that? You've been after him ever since we met in Dover. And Mike as well. Don't deny it!"

Without any warning, he hits me across the face and then pulls me to my feet by my shirt. Terrified, I'm carried along with him as he drags me out of the room and across the courtyard.

"Where are you taking me?" I cry as we march towards the house. Jake's Range Rover stands on the drive, the engine ticking in the heat so I know he's just arrived back. I dread to think what's going to happen when we find Jake; my husband is angrier than I've ever known him and anything could happen.

We find Jake and Rob on the terrace deep in conversation and they look up in surprise as we appear around the corner of the house. Richard lets me go and breathes heavily, his face flushed with anger.

"Your slut, Jake...you want her back?"

I look at Richard in amazement and stand my ground, my hands clenched by my side. Rob and Jake stare at my husband as he strides up and down on the terrace.

"Am I the only one who doesn't know what the hell is going on here?" Richard demands. "Have you slept with her as well?" He points at Rob who smiles back, a nasty leer on his face.

"Calm down, Richard." Jake steps forwards and places a hand on my husband's arm. "Why don't we go inside and have a drink. I can explain everything."

"The fuck you can!" Richard takes a swing at Jake but misses, his arm caught by Rob who has moved forward to stop him.

"Let's go inside," hisses Jake and I follow the men into the shadowy interior, our steps loud on the stone floor. There's no-one else about but I can hear soft music playing in another room, the sound incongruous somehow.

Once in the living room, I collapse onto a chair, my heart beating frantically. Jake pours out four glasses of Scotch and hands one to Richard who gulps it almost immediately. I take mine from Rob who smirks at me, his face looking evil in the dim light. I notice the disc lying on the table and shudder. More proof of my infidelity.

"OK, let's calm down and talk." Jake moves over to the fireplace and watches Richard pour himself another glass. My husband's hand is shaking and I feel a sudden stab of sympathy for what I've put him through.

"What's to discuss? You're fucking my wife and now you're going to take pleasure in seeing my bloody business fail! Why?"

"The deal is still on, Richard. I never said it wasn't."

"I thought you wanted to help...I thought we were friends..." Richard sinks heavily onto the sofa, his tumbler of whisky empty. 

"So did I."

I look at Jake as he heads to the bookshelf and pulls out a heavy photograph album. "Remember this?"

Richard opens the pages and stares at the contents, his face confused. "Vaguely. A woman we once knew?"

"A woman we once knew..." Jake repeats and stares at the photo. "Is that all you can say?"

"I don't understand. I can't even remember her name."

Jake stares at Richard with loathing in his face. "You can't even remember her name?"

"She was just a girl we knew, Jake. I haven't thought about her for years."

I can feel the waves of anger emanating from Jake as he takes the photo out of the album and waves it in Richard's face. "You can't fucking remember her?"

My husband takes the photo and runs his fingers through his hair again. "What's so important?"

"She is!" Jake snatches the photo back and brings it over to me. "See this woman?" 

I look down at the photo and see an old image of my husband and Jake, a dark-haired girl between them, her face smiling and happy.

"I loved her, you shit. And what did you do, hey? You fucked her and took her away from me!"

Richard stares at Jake in astonishment. "What do you mean? You loved her?"

Jake's face contorts with fury as he shoves the photo under Richard's nose. "Alice...that's her name. You knew how much I wanted her, but you had to have her, didn't you? Stuck your scrawny little cock deep inside her..."

He's breathing heavily now and I watch as my husband just sits there, confused and bewildered. "I had no idea. She didn't feel that way about you."

Jake strides across the room and pushes Richard back onto the sofa. "Shut it, now! You worked on her and she gave in to you. She should have been mine!"

Suddenly it dawns on me. Is this Jake's revenge on my husband? The set-up with Mike? His total humiliation?

"Is this why you've brought us here?" I ask, my voice trembling. "To get revenge on Richard?"

Jake turns to me, his face dark and angry. "Oh, just realised, have you? You took your time."

He sneers at me and grabs the disc. Holding it up, he waves it in front of Richard's face. "This is all the evidence I need to bring your business to its knees. It'll make a nice little present for yours, won't it? Seeing their daughter give in so easily to her lover."

I cover my face with my hands and start to cry. I have no control over this whatsoever. How could something that happened so long ago have repercussions today? I feel trapped in a web of lies and deceit, manipulated beyond belief by a man who has consistently lied and pretended he wanted to help and made vulnerable by circumstances beyond our control.

Richard is staring at the disc, his face white with anger. "Give that to me now, Jake. We can talk about this, can't we? Alice was so long ago...what has she got to do with this now?"

"I loved her," Jake repeats. "I loved her more than anything and wanted her to be my wife. You took her away from me and I can never forget that."

"But she wasn't yours to have," Richard continues. "OK, she was fond of you, but she never loved you."

I cringe as Jake comes towards me and drags me to my feet. "You love Louise? Yes?" 

Richard hesitates for a moment and I see the pain and anger cross his features. Time stands still as he gazes at me and our life flashes before me. The wedding, our children, all the happy times we'd had together as the business flourished and grew.

I stare back at him, willing him to answer as Jake's fingers tighten on my arms. The tension is becoming unbearable, the silence in the house waiting for an answer from my husband.

"I love Louise, yes. Despite what's happened."

Jake smiles and runs his finger down my face. "Good. I'm glad we've got that sorted out. Now I'm going to make you watch as I fuck her once again."

I gasp with shock and watch as Rob moves over to Richard and grabs him by the arms. My husband struggles but he's no match for the stocky Rob who has an evil leer on his face. 




Staring at the Sun Ch. 13



"Maybe Rob would like a go afterwards, eh Richard? She's one hell of a cat in bed and I'm sure she can handle two men."

"No!" I struggle as Jake rips off my shirt, exposing my lacy bra. Rob is still fighting with Richard whose face is red with fury. I try and hit Jake but he grabs my hand and holds it behind my back, our eyes meeting.

"You like it a bit rough, eh Louise? Like to be watched as well, do you?"

"Bastard!" I spit at him and he laughs. "Not what you said this morning, sweetheart. You used a whole lot of different words then, didn't you?"

I cry out as Jake pushes me back onto the armchair, his leg between my knees. I gaze helplessly at Richard who is breathing heavily, his wrists secured with a pair of handcuffs that Rob must have brought with him.

My skirt is pushed up and with a sharp tug, Jake removes my knickers. I'm fully exposed now and I can see Rob staring at me, a leer on his face. Jake starts to unbutton his shorts, his face contorted with the emotions he's experiencing. I never believed anyone could be so evil and I close my eyes to shut out his face as he bends down to me, kissing me on the lips, his fingers groping at my pussy and making me cry out in protest.

"This can be avoided if you both sign those papers. What about it, Louise?"

I stare at him in confusion as he hovers over me, his eyes boring into mine. "Give me the controlling share and this will end now."

My eyes fill with tears as I realise what he's doing. Total humiliation for my husband in revenge for something that happened years ago. This is all about Richard, not me. I'm just a pawn in the great scheme of things and the realisation makes me feel worse than I've ever felt in my life.

"What then? What will happen if you take over?"

Jake smiles. "You'll have to answer to me, won't you? I'll be in charge of your little business."

We stare at each other and I can see the years ahead, Jake controlling our every move, our lives totally dependent on him. He smiles and looks around at Richard who has his eyes closed, his face deathly pale and clammy with sweat.

A crunch of tyres on the gravel makes all of us jump with nerves. Jake stands up and strides to the window, his fingers fumbling with the buttons on his shorts.

"Shit!" he exclaims as he stares out of the window. "This wasn't meant to happen."

"Let him go," he barks at Rob who reluctantly unlocks the handcuffs that bind my husband. "Get up!" he shouts to me as I hastily pull my shirt together, noticing that most of the buttons are missing.

He strides out of the room, followed by Rob and I'm left alone with my husband, who is looking shocked, his eyes wide in his pale face. He picks up the photograph again, rubbing his wrists which are red from the handcuffs. 

"Who is she?" 

He looks straight through me and I stifle a sob. I've never seen my husband look so confused. The strong man I married seems temporarily gone and my heart twists with a desperate sadness at what's happened to us. How can something that happened so long ago be relevant now?

Richard doesn't answer my question. He pushes past me and I can hear his footsteps receding away down the hall, leaving me with a deep well of emptiness that I'm convinced will never be filled.

I pull my shirt together and fumble with my knickers before making my way to the main entrance door, hearing female voices and the deeper tones of my host. The main door is open and I can see two tall slim figures standing there, piles of bags around their feet.

There is a sudden silence as they realise I'm there and Jilly looks at me in surprise. "What's up with you, Louise?" she asks as she takes in my wild hair and torn shirt. 

I pause and suddenly sense that I have the power to end all this now. To put a stop to the blackmail. Why hadn't I thought about it before?

Jake looks at me and I can see the tension in my face reflected in his eyes. I can almost hear his thoughts as I hesitate, see his reaction were I to tell Jilly what had happened in her living room, adding to the mix the news that her best friend is betraying her at the same time.

And where would that leave Jake? By all accounts, he's completely dependent on Jilly's money for his lavish lifestyle, his business ventures and the lucrative vineyard that produces his stunning wines. The money would dry up, no doubt about it and a divorce swiftly follow. Sophie would slink back to her wealthy husband and Jake would be left alone and penniless. Hardly in a position to exploit Richard and me.

The women wait patiently as I continue to stare at Jake, his eyes dark and unreadable. Maybe he thought he was invincible but now I've found a way to pierce that armour and I'm not going to let him off lightly.

I shrug and smile. "Richard and I were fooling around by the pool...you know how it is. He was trying to throw me in."

The tension dissipates and I can feel Jake relax next to me. "If you'll excuse me I'll go and get changed."

Both women smile stiffly as I pass and I stare straight into Sophie's eyes. Her smile falters slightly and I feel a sense of jubilation as I make my way out into the afternoon sunlight.

*

It's evening and I'm sitting at the table in the tiny garden next to our room, a glass of water in front of me on the table. A terrible sense of loss and emptiness fills me as I watch the sunset. My life has changed beyond all recognition over the last ten days and I wonder if it will ever be the same again. 

This afternoon, I stayed in our room and packed our suitcases, my heart filled with sadness as I remembered how excited I'd been at the start of the holiday. I feel betrayed and used, manipulated and taken advantage of. My husband's ulterior motives have made me question our marriage and my guilt at what I've done with Jake is a chasm that I doubt will ever be bridged. In some ways, Jake has got what he wanted. Our marriage split apart, never to be healed.

Richard disappeared again and I haven't seen him at all this afternoon. Our car has gone and I can only assume he is driving around the idyllic French countryside contemplating the future of both the business and our marriage. There are so many questions I want to ask, but my husband has shut me out completely. I know that the journey home will be painful and I can hardly think of the weeks to follow when we'll have to sort the mess out and deal with our crumbling marriage at the same time.

Footsteps on the terrace make me turn and I see Sophie LeGrange approaching, her beauty breathtaking in the early evening light. Her long blue dress shimmers in the glimmer of the candles and her dark hair flows over her shoulders. The half-smile on her face tells me she expected to find me here alone and I know that Jake would have ensured that we speak privately. One more minion to do his dirty work for him.

As she nears I smell her musky perfume which makes me almost reel. She's perfectly made up, her clothes and hair immaculate and I presume she always gets what she wants, including every man she's ever set her sights on.

"Louise...you're looking more composed now!" She laughs but her eyes fail to light up, giving the impression of coldness. Maybe she doesn't warm up in bed...

I smile politely and feel my heartbeat quicken. Women like Sophie have never made me feel at ease and I recognise in her the sort I avoid at home. Women who see life as one long competition to be won at all costs. I wonder if she knows how passionate Jake was in bed with me and have the satisfaction of knowing that his lust wasn't faked.

"Admiring the view? Beautiful isn't it?"

I ignore her question and she takes a seat next to me, gazing out over the view of ripening vines. I think back to Mike's vineyard and wonder how much Jake paid his friend to try and seduce me. And what was Lisa's role in my downfall?

Sophie seems unaware of my discomfort and turns to face me. "It won't work, you know. Jilly knows about us. She's known for ages."

Only now does she get a reaction from me. "You believe that, do you? You honestly believe that someone like Jilly would put up with her best friend fucking her husband? I know...shall we go ask her? We can all compare notes!"

Her eyes widen at my words and she looks shocked. "What do you mean?"

"Jake raped me last night, Sophie...he drugged my glass of wine, brought me back here and raped me. How does that make you feel?"

Her tanned face has paled at my outburst. You're lying. Jake would never do that." 

"Wouldn't he? How can you be so sure?"

"Why? Why would he do something like that?"

Her confident demeanour has vanished and I can see her hands trembling slightly. She runs a hand through her hair, the rings on her fingers sparkling in the light, and glances nervously over at the house.

"You're lying to me, aren't you, Sophie? Jake's put you up to this. You've got just as much to lose as him."

I turn away and sip my water. I'm trembling as well, my hands shaking as they hold the glass. This is all just a game and Jake is the puppeteer controlling our strings. Richard's, Sophie's and mine.

"Did you tell Lisa about your affair with Jake?" I look back at Sophie as she sits in her chair, her face pinched and nervous.

She shrugs her shoulders. "I might have done. I can't remember."

I stare at her, wondering what her real relationship with Jilly is. Whether she secretly despises Jilly for her controlling behaviour and sees her affair as a way of getting back at Jake's perfect wife.

I lean towards Sophie and stare into her eyes. "Tell me, please. I feel so confused by all this. I don't know who to trust anymore. I thought I could trust Mike and Lisa but I couldn't. Do you understand?"

She nods. "This has all turned into such a mess. Jake spoke to me about you and Richard, of course. He told me that he was friends with your husband years ago and that he'd lost touch."

"What else did he tell you?"

Another shrug of her shoulders. "I can't remember everything he said. Sometimes he'd get so angry, as if the mere mention of Richard made him crazy."

I stand up and look over at the house. I can't face seeing anyone tonight and the thought of being with Jake feels me with fear. Memories of last night still fill my mind and I feel myself grow hot at what we'd done and how I'd given in so easily to him. I could, with just a few words, bring his perfect world crumbling down around his ears, but I know I can't. Enough is enough now. I want to get through this evening and stay in the room, pretend everything is fine in my world and then disappear tomorrow.

"Jilly doesn't know, does she?" I ask softly.

Sophie shakes her head. "No. She'd kill us both, I'm sure. Jilly can't abide anyone doing anything she doesn't know about. She wants to control everything."

"Does Jilly know about Alice?"

"Alice?"

I explain about Jake's long-lost first love and she looks confused. "I don't think so. Jake's never told me that she does and he never told me about her either. I doubt Jilly could bear the fact she was second best, do you?"

I have to agree. Whoever Alice was, she must have been pretty special to have affected Jake so much and to have remained an important part of his life years later. Richard has never mentioned her to me, or if he has, it was so unimportant that I never remembered. I wonder what this woman is doing now, blissfully unaware of the crisis she's causing in my life, how her actions 20 odd years ago have ruined my marriage.

I hear voices and see Jake and Rob walking out onto the distant terrace of the house. Diana and Jilly are standing a little way behind them, deep in conversation. Sophie and I fall silent and look at each other. Our faces must show the tension we're under at the moment and I know Sophie is watching me carefully, aware that I could disrupt the whole happy scene at any moment.

She puts her hand on my arm and I smile. "Don't worry, Sophie. I'm not the sort to make trouble, and Jake knows that."

The little group has stopped and Jilly spots us but before she can come over, I make my excuses to Sophie.

"I can't face anyone now. I'm going back inside."

The shadowy interior of the room is a balm to my tired eyes and I can hear the two women talking, their voices receding as they return to the terrace. Richard's still not back and I examine my mobile phone in case he's tried to contact me. But there aren't any missed calls and I sink down onto the bed, despair and worry making my hands shake.

I try Richard's number again but it clicks onto voicemail immediately and I stand up and go to the window, willing my husband to appear. When I turn and see Jake standing there, I cry out with surprise and fear.

"Not joining us tonight?"

"What do you think?"

We stare at each other and I can't help thinking back to this morning when he held me in his arms and made love to me. Was that real or just an illusion?

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I just want to find out what's happened to Richard."

My heart is beating furiously as he stands and watches me. A mixture of fear and a terrible attraction to him which I find almost impossible to comprehend in the circumstances.

"I need to explain."

"I don't want you here, Jake. I can't stand to be anywhere near you."

He pauses and I can feel the tension. "I know that, but I need to tell you about Alice."

"Why? What the hell has she got to do with all this?"

"I loved her, Louise. I thought you might be able to understand that."

"OK, you loved her. But why are we paying for that now?"

Jake runs his hand through his hair and his face is tortured. "I needed her so much. She was all I ever wanted. Richard wanted her and made sure he got her."

"Wouldn't it have been a good idea to have got back at him then, rather than now?"

Jake shrugs his shoulders. "Yes, you're right, but I thought that by doing that I would have driven her further away."

I sigh deeply. "I don't understand this at all, Jake. You don't come over as the sort that can harbour a grudge like this for so long. It was a youthful love affair. What has this got to do with us? How can you set out to ruin our marriage and our business over something that happened so long ago?"

"I've never forgotten her."

"So this offer to help Richard with the business...it was just a way of getting back at him. Revenge?"

"Yes. I've waited over twenty years and when he came to see me I took the opportunity."

I'm shocked at how calm he is. To stand there and admit to wanting to ruin our lives without the slightest hint of remorse make me shudder.

"What about my parents? The children? Did you never think of them?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "I wanted to make Richard hurt as much as he hurt me. Do you know how it feels to see the person you love in the arms of another? How the pain can cut through you like a knife?"

I stare at him in astonishment. I would never have believed this was possible. "What happened?"

"I went to Richard's flat one afternoon and caught them in bed together." His voice shook slightly.

"But she wasn't your girlfriend, was she?"

"No, but she knew how I felt about her and Richard was well aware of my feelings."

"So you decided to get revenge?"

"Why not? I still love her."

I stare at him in amazement. This is not the Jake I know. "Does Jilly know this?"

"Of course not! I married her in the hope I'd get over Alice but it hasn't worked. Our marriage is a sham."

"What about Sophie?"

His face softens slightly and, amazingly, I feel a twist of jealousy inside me. "She's a beautiful woman but I don't love her either. She's just a pleasant diversion from real life."

"And where does Mike fit in with all this? And Lisa?"

Jake shrugs his shoulders. "I promised Mike I'd lend him some money to buy all the equipment he needs to make his vineyard more successful and able to compete with the big guys. He's ruthless in that, Louise. He was more than willing to fuck you on camera in return for an interest free loan."

I gasp with shock. "Why? What had I ever done?"

For the first time I see a hint of shame cross Jake's features. "You didn't do anything and that's why I'm here now. It was Richard I wanted to get back at. You were just convenient at being there to help me."

The tears start to gather in my eyes as I face him and my stomach contracts with physical pain. "You still haven't explained what Lisa has to do with all this."

Jake smiles. "Ah, my sweet little Lisa. She really did think a lot of you and took a hell of a lot of persuading. But the thought of a free flight home and a job with me in London finally did it."

"Persuading to do what?"

He looks at me in surprise. "Well, to get you to go and stay with them. How else could Mike have his wicked way with you?"

I sink down onto the bed and Jake takes that as a sign to move further into the room. "Look, Louise...I'm sorry. If you'd had sex with him I'd never have had to drug you like I did. And I'm sorry about that...never done anything like that before."

"Rob?"

"Yeah, his idea, but apart from that he's had nothing to do with all this. And Diana..."

"Diana what?"

"Don't think ill of her."

A noise behind Jake makes both of us start and I gasp when I see my husband standing there, his face more angry than I've ever seen it.

"Explained everything now?" he asks quietly, but I can his hands are clenched.

Jake takes one last look at me and turns on his heel to go, but Richard puts out his hand to stop him.

"If any of this ever gets out, Jake, I swear to God I'll ruin you for ever. Do you understand that? Jilly will know everything and so will her parents."

Jake pauses and then without a word he's gone, his footsteps crunching on the gravel, leaving a terrible silence between us.

Richard looks at me and there's no expression on his face, his eyes empty. I stand up and go towards him to take his hands but he pulls them away. "Leave me alone, Louise. You've done enough damage."

I sob, the emotions from the last few days too much to keep under control any more. But Richard just stares at me and makes no attempt to comfort me even though he's always hated to see me cry.

"I'm going back home tonight. I've decided. You can stay here and do what you want, but I can't be in this house any more with either you or the Harpers. You all disgust me."

I stare at my husband in shock. This was not what I expected. I imagined us driving home together, the long journey giving us the opportunity to talk about what had happened and the chance for me to explain how Jake had manipulated us both.

"What? You can't just leave like that. We need to talk about this, Richard."

"What the hell is there to talk about? You slept with him, Louise! There's no excuse for that! And what about Mike? Planning a threesome were you?"

His face is furious and his skin flushed red. "When I think what I went through to try and save the business, Louise. The plans I made to try and keep our lifestyle normal. And what do you do? End up screwing every man who comes into contact with you!"

"It's not like that!" I fling back at him. "I never slept with Mike and Jake drugged me! You know how I feel about him!"

"You're a fucking good actress, darling," he sneers, going over to the window. 

"Can't you see what he was doing? He was blackmailing us, Richard, and I was just caught up in it. I didn't even want to come here!"

"Then what was it with Mike? I saw the looks you gave him, Louise. You can't deny that."

We look at each other and I can't excuse my behaviour. He's right. If I'd had the opportunity I would have made love with Mike without any persuading. Richard realises this and looks away, his face full of disgust.

"I'm leaving now," he states. "I think it's a good idea we have some time apart. I'm sure you can get a flight from Bordeaux to the UK. You said you had some money saved up?"




Staring at the Sun Ch. 13



His tone is cold now, no hint of emotion at all. At least when he was angry I felt we were getting somewhere, some way to sorting out our marriage, but he is detached and business-like now and the feelings of panic and fear return. How can I stay here on my own without him? 

"Please, Richard...you can't leave me here like this..."

"Why?"

"Why? Because we need to sort this out. We have children, a home together. What about the business?"

"The business is over. I give it a couple of months before the bank shuts us down."

I slump onto the bed, my heart hammering. Richard remains at the window staring out at the evening sunset. "Let me come home with you, please. We've got to talk about this."

He shrugs his shoulders and I seize the opportunity to go to him, the tears streaming down my face. As I put my arms around him, he doesn't resist, and I hold him tightly, feeling his body start to finally relax...



Staring at the Sun Ch. 14



 Chapter 14 – Home

This is the last chapter of this story and I'd like to thank all my readers for their feedback and support over the last year of writing.

***********************************************

Lying in the darkness my eyes ached from crying. Richard lay next to me and I knew he was also awake, his breathing uneven. It was some ungodly hour of the morning and we'd been up until midnight, the tears and recriminations finally spent. We could talk no longer and I'd had a long bath before climbing wearily into bed, every part of me aching with sadness and a terrible sense of loss.

Our bags were packed and we intended to be gone before any of the other residents of the house awoke. I knew a long and painful journey lay ahead of us but in a small way hoped that the enforced incarceration would give us a chance to calm matters before we faced my parents and the children.

I had tried to explain to Richard what had happened on the night I went out for dinner with Jake but he simply would not listen. He accused me of engineering the affair and believed that I had been unfaithful to him with Mike as well. For a woman previously loyal and committed, I found this hard to take.

"Why won't you just listen to me?" I'd shouted at him the previous night. "The man you called a friend deliberately set this all up to blackmail us! Why can't you see that?"

But he wouldn't listen and the despair I felt went deeper than any other hurt I'd suffered. Our marriage had been on a rocky path before this holiday and now it was careering down the mountain, smashed to pieces. How could I ever hope to mend it?

I stayed still in bed, scared to move in case Richard started on at me again. He hadn't mentioned Alice and her role in our problems, preferring to heap the blame on me; it was as if by doing that, I would finally capitulate and admit to my guilt.

But I was guilty and I couldn't deny that. At a time when my husband needed me most, I'd been prepared to commit adultery with Mike, and to hell with the consequences. Jake's betrayal of his friend was inexcusable, but I certainly hadn't pushed him away the morning after the rape. I'd enjoyed it as much as he had and I still didn't know how long Richard had been watching us. I cringed when I thought of how passionate I'd been with Jake, how I'd enjoyed the feel of his hard body on top of mine, his unique smell and his eyes boring into mine...

I shuddered. I never ever thought I'd be capable of having an affair despite my, at times, unsatisfactory marriage. I had too much to lose. But I wondered if Richard had ever been tempted. His close relationship with Jilly sometimes suggested that he'd entered into an affair with her which intrigued me. I was seeing a side of my husband I'd never witnessed before.

My husband moved suddenly and I tensed, hoping he wouldn't realise that I was awake. "I know you're not asleep, Louise..."

I stiffened, surprised that his tone was so flat and emotionless. "My head aches," I replied. "I've been awake for hours."

I felt him turn towards me in the darkness and saw the glow of his watch as he checked the time. "It's 4am. Why don't we just get up and leave?"

A feeling of relief flooded through me at his words. I'd been waiting for him to say that for almost the whole holiday and there was nothing I wanted more than to leave this wretched place and go home, no matter how difficult the time ahead would be.

"Please, Richard. I can't stand it any more."

Silently we moved around the room, packing our toiletries and nightwear into overnight bags, although I knew that we wouldn't be staying anywhere on the way home. It would be a hard, fast drive back and I prepared myself for a grim journey. In a way I felt uncomfortable at skulking away in the middle of the night, but I just couldn't face our hosts any longer. I would miss Diana. Her calm and steady demeanour was always a respite from Jilly's manic friendliness, but maybe I would write to her when things had settled down. If they ever would...

Outside dawn was breaking and an owl hooted in the distance. It reminded me of the night I'd crept away with Mike. My stomach contracted with nerves at how badly I'd behaved over the last two weeks and I hurriedly pushed our bags into the boot, determined to put this place as far behind me as I could. I doubted I would ever return to France after this fiasco; it would hold nothing but bad memories.

As the tyres crunched over the gravel I was convinced that the house would suddenly be ablaze with lights as the Harpers tried to stop us from leaving, but nothing stirred and as Richard steered the car onto the road I heaved a sigh of relief. I closed my eyes and relaxed back onto the seat, a terrible weariness overtaking me.

*

Four hours later Richard pulled off the autoroute and into a petrol station, his face grey with tiredness.

"Do you want me to carry on driving?" I asked, unbuckling my seat belt to take over the wheel.

"No, I'm fine," he said shortly, getting out of the car and stretching. 

I looked around, desperate for a hot coffee and wandered into the shop to see if they had a machine, as well as picking up a couple of baguettes for breakfast. Taking my purchases to the counter I paid for the petrol as well, using my own credit card. I wasn't sure about our financial situation any more and imagined we were back to the lean days before our stay with the Harpers. From now on we would have to watch every penny we spent.

As I walked back, Richard was checking the map, his face lined with stress and worry. "I paid," I told him as I handed him a baguette and his coffee. 

"You paid?"

"Yes...is that a problem?"

"What are you trying to say, Louise? That I can't afford it?"

I stared at him in amazement. "No, of course not. I put it on my credit card. Does that matter?"

He glared at me in anger. "I can pay our way, you know. I don't need your charity."

Sudden tears sprang to my eyes as he stood there, hands on hips, his face furious. The husband I used to know had well and truly gone, to be replaced by a man consumed by mistrust and rage. I shuddered at the realisation that our relationship would never be the same again, even if we did manage to sort out our problems.

I ignored his outburst and returned to the passenger seat, my appetite completely gone. Tears coursed down my cheeks as Richard angrily fired up the engine and drove out of the petrol station, his baguette thrown onto the back seat.

Once on the autoroute he accelerated and I watched as the speedometer climbed higher and higher, the powerful car surging forward with my angry husband at the wheel. I had visions of a terrible accident, but I didn't dare say anything. Even the slightest remark would be interpreted as criticism so I stared out of the window and remained silent.

And so the journey continued. Mile after mile of silence between us and the passing French scenery seemed to mock us with its beauty and serenity. We should have been exploring the countryside, discovering little vineyards that sold fantastic wine, eating at restaurants that were a temple to food, but instead we were speeding back home, a grim taste in our mouths.

Unable to stand it any longer I finally broke the heavy silence. "Richard...we need to talk about this. No matter how painful, we need to talk about what's happened."

He ignored me but I could see his hands clench the steering wheel even tighter. 

"Richard, please. Can't you tell me about Alice?"

Silence. I waited several minutes and then Richard slowed the car slightly, dropping back into the inside lane, as if he was going to concentrate more on talking than driving. 

"Alice wasn't important. She was just someone we knew."

"But she obviously was important! Jake wouldn't have done all this if she wasn't."

Richard shrugged his shoulders. "I never believed she was. She used to hang around with us, but Jake never told me he loved her. That wasn't his thing."

"Well..." I paused, at a loss to get more information out of my husband. "How did you feel about her?"

Another shrug. "She was just a friend. I fancied her, of course, but that was about it. We were too young to get tied down."

"But did Jake never let on how he felt? He must have said something!"

"I don't remember."

I sighed with frustration. "Because of her, we've had our lives ruined and you can't remember anything about her?"

Richard turned to me. "Don't think that you can use this to get off the hook, Louise. Right from the start of this holiday you've been trying to get off with Jake...or Mike," he added.

Ignoring him, I asked, "What about your meeting with Jake? Before the holiday?"

"What about it?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to worry you and it seemed the perfect way of being able to relax and sort the business out at the same time."

We were back to the same old arguments. Richard didn't think I was capable of solving our financial problems, preferring instead to confess all to an old friend he hadn't seen for years. With disastrous consequences. I wondered how long Jake had been planning this deception. How delighted he must have been to have us fall into his hands like that – with a crisis in our lives that he was only too pleased to help with. He must have been rubbing his hands in glee.

"What happened after Jake found you both together? What did he do?"

There was a pause as Richard thought back twenty years to his university days. "I can't remember. He was shocked when he walked in on us, I know that. The look in his eyes was one of pain. I felt a bastard, I must admit, but Alice never realised how he felt for her. He should have said."

"So was he a different man to how he is now?"

"No, no. Jake was always ambitious. Always wanted to win at everything. In fact, it used to get on my nerves how competitive he was at times. He could be aggressive about getting what he wanted."

I stared out of the window trying to imagine the three of them locked into the eternal triangle. Alice wanting Richard, Jake wanting Alice. 

"Did you see much of Alice afterwards?"

"Not really. Jake disappeared for a month and our relationship died a natural death. She was a lovely girl but there was no real spark."

"Where did Jake go?"

"No idea. He just took off one day and that was it for a while. I presume he went home."

"And then what?"

Richard ran his fingers through his hair. "Why is this so important?"

"Because I want to know what happened! Jake's been waiting to get revenge on you for years and you walked right into his trap!"

"Well, how the hell did I know that he was still so fucking angry? It was a long time ago!"

I slumped in my seat, despair flooding my body. If only Richard had confided in me about the business, none of this would have happened. We could have sorted this out together, sure in the knowledge that our partnership was strong.

"So what's going to happen now?"

Richard turned to me, his face grim. "We'll have to sell the house. It's as simple as that."

My stomach flipped over at his words. "And what about us?"

Richard stayed silent but his fingers gripped the steering wheel even tighter. I thought of the children, their lives disrupted by divorce, the stress of moving home and a new school and I suddenly vowed that I'd do everything I could to prevent it happening.

*

The rest of the journey passed in almost complete silence. We stopped several times for petrol and drinks, but the relentless drive back was accomplished and it was dawn when we finally arrived back home, both of us weary beyond belief. We'd been held up at Calais and sitting at the docks watching cars arrive with people starting their holiday made me utterly miserable. Only two weeks ago we had emerged from the hold of the boat into bright sunshine, the prospect of two weeks holiday our only thought.

We'd phoned my parents to let them know we were on our way and my mother had picked up on my sad voice immediately. 

"Do you want us to take the children to our house for the night? Make it easier for you to get settled in?"

I'd agreed. The thought of facing the children's excitement was too much and I knew that they would sense something was wrong. So leaving the unpacking until later, we'd collapsed into bed, both of us passing out with complete exhaustion.

Later, after a cup of strong coffee, Richard phoned my father and arranged to go into work. "How have things been?" he asked and I held my breath waiting for the response.

Things were worse than we realised and my father was in daily talks with the bank as the overdraft was at its limit. "Are they going to extend it?" I asked Richard when he came off the phone.

"I don't know."

I stared at him in dismay. "Well, surely they can do something! We've been customers for years!"

"The business manager's coming out to us on Monday. We've got to let him know what we intend to do."

"What can we do?"

"Well, put the house on the market first."

Tears filled my eyes as I looked around at our beautiful house, the ornaments that we'd been given as wedding presents, the children's pictures stuck on the fridge door. It was our home.

Richard drained his coffee and stood up. "I'm going into work. I'll get the cases out of the boot."

I followed him outside, my eyes sensitive to the bright sunlight glinting off the windows of the car. Everything looked beautiful in the garden; the borders were full of early summer flowers and a soft breeze rippled through the trees that we'd planted when we first moved in. It was my refuge, my sanctuary and I couldn't bear to leave it.

Richard dumped the suitcases on the drive and then left, his face grim as he reversed into the road. I stood and watched the car disappear out of sight, then, with a heavy heart started to haul the luggage into the house to unpack.

*

The phone rang as I was putting away the last of our toiletries and I imagined it would be my mother. The children were at school and I'd arranged to pick them up in the afternoon. They knew we were home and would be full of excitement at seeing us again. I couldn't wait to hold them both and keep them close.

But it was a surprise to find Diana on the phone, her voice almost a whisper.

"Louise...I've done a terrible thing..."

"What? Tell me..."

There was a slight pause and then she went on, her voice lower still. "I've thrown Rob out...I want a divorce. He told me what happened."

"What did he tell you?"

"About Jake and the disc he made of you together..."

I gasped. "He told you?"

"The idiot was drunk. He thought it was so funny, Louise."

I cringed. It was typical of how evil and twisted Rob was. Only he could find rape and blackmail funny. "So you've told him your marriage is over?"

"Yes, but I've also done something worse..."

"Oh, tell me, Diana...please."

"Somehow he managed to get hold of the disc Jake made. He brought it up to our bedroom to show me. Had some stupid idea that it would turn me on and spice up our sex life." Diana snorted. "As if it would. I was disgusted by what I saw Louise. How could Jake do that to you?"

I gripped the receiver tightly. "Oh God, Diana. You should never have seen that. Jake must have spiked my drink when we went out for a meal. I didn't know what I was doing."

"You looked out of it," she agreed. "But, anyway...Rob fell asleep after a while. He insisted we watch it all the way through and then he..." she paused. "No, I won't bore you with the details."

I shuddered at the thought of being in bed with Rob and Diana continued. "He fell asleep and I waited until he started snoring and then I took the disc and hid it in my bag." Her voice lowered to a whisper again. "I'm sorry, Louise, but I'm using my mobile in a café in the village. I'm worried someone will hear what I'm saying."

"It's OK...go on..." I urged, already suspecting what she was going to say.

"Well, Rob was out of it for most of the morning. He drank so much last night I'm surprised he could do anything, let alone want to have sex. I had breakfast with Jake and Jilly and then she said she was going to spend the day at home. I've a feeling she was hungover as well..."

"Sounds like you all had quite a night..."

Diana agreed. "Except me...you know I don't drink a lot. But anyway...the weather today has been overcast so I knew that Jilly would be staying in the house. I took the disc from my bag and put it into the DVD player in the living room and then waited for Jilly to appear."

"And did she?"

"Oh, yes...she came in and settled herself on the sofa and I innocently asked if we could watch a film together. She agreed, of course, so I pressed play...and well, you can guess the rest..."

I gasped. "What did she say?"

There was a pause. "Actually, it was rather sad. She went pale and then burst into tears. But she couldn't take her eyes off the screen. She was almost mesmerised by what she saw. It was a terrible shock for her."

"Was Jake in the house?"

"No...he was off playing golf. She got into her car and roared off and that's when I left."

"So where's Rob?"

"He's still at the house. I'm going to stay with a friend tonight and then fly home tomorrow."

I ran my fingers through my hair in despair. "Three marriages broken up over this, Diana. I feel as if it's all my fault."

"It's not," she soothed and tears gathered in my eyes. "Jake's the one to blame, not you. How's Richard?"

"Not good. It was a shock seeing me with Jake, Diana, and I'm not sure if he'll ever get over it. I know that Jake drugged me, but the next morning I did have sex with him voluntarily...I can't deny that. I feel so mixed up..."

"Jake's a powerful and attractive man, Louise. I've been tempted in the past, but he's never looked at me like that. He has something about him that women go for."

"I wish one woman had." I explained about Alice but Diana already knew. "Rob told me about her. I can't believe that he's acting like this because of what happened so long ago."

"So what are you going to do about Rob?"

"I've had enough, Louise. Seeing his face when he showed me the DVD of you and Jake made me finally realise what a nasty piece of work my husband is. 

"You're going to divorce him?"

"I want to. He's made my life a misery for the last couple of years. I know he doesn't love me any more. We're just living a lie."

Her words haunted me for the rest of the day. She'd rung off and I'd wished her well, grateful for the risk she'd taken in exposing Jake for what he really was. I felt shame that I hadn't confronted Jake about what he'd done and threatened to tell Jilly. Kind and caring Diana had felt incensed by what she'd witnessed and was brave enough to put matters right. Of all the people I'd met in France, Diana was the only genuine person who had taken the time to try and get to know me better. 

*

My mother met me at school and she hugged me close. "You look tired, Louise. Not how I imagined you'd be looking after two weeks away."

"I know. It was more of an ordeal than a holiday."

We sat in the car in silence as we waited for the children to appear. There was so much I wanted to say, I didn't know where to start. "Will you come over for dinner tonight?" I asked. "There's so much I need to tell you."

"Of course. Don't worry about it now...just try and look happy for the children's sake."

I nodded my head. "I feel like I've let them down."

She held my hand in hers and squeezed. "We'll get through it, just you see."

The children were ecstatic when they saw me waiting for them. Lily flew into my arms and hugged me tight and it was wonderful to feel her close to me again. Matt kissed me and held my hand as we walked back to the car.

"What presents have you got us?"




Staring at the Sun Ch. 14



I laughed as Matt asked the inevitable question, his eyes round with hope. "You'll see!"

Back at the house, life returned to normal and I was glad of the distraction as the children played with the small toys we'd managed to buy before we caught the ferry at Calais. The gifts certainly weren't the ones I'd hoped to be taking back but I knew that from now on, the children would have to make do with less expensive presents.

My father's wine was stacked up in the hall and my mother eyed it warily. "Why did you buy so much?"

"It was Richard who insisted. He seemed to be in denial."

"He doesn't need it, you know. Maybe we can sell it..."

I went and put my arms around her. "Keep it. There's going to be so many changes in the next few months that a couple of cases of wine won't make a difference. You should be able to enjoy a few luxuries at your age."

My mother shrugged her shoulders and took out a couple of bottles. "We'll have this tonight...to celebrate you coming home."

But was that really a cause for celebration?"

*

The house looked beautiful and I'd gone to a lot of effort to make the evening's dinner special. How many more times would I be able to give dinner parties in my home?

Richard had returned from work looking tired and gloomy. The staff had sensed something was up and he'd had a long stream of workers trying to see him all afternoon, worried that they were going to be made redundant.

He flung himself into an armchair and took a gulp of his large whisky. "This is awful," he said wearily. "Your father looks haggard with worry."

I perched on the edge of the sofa and watched as he took another large gulp. "What about the bank?"

"They're coming on Monday. Maybe you can come in as well?"

I felt a small glimmer of hope. "Yes, of course. You know I will."

"I'm going to have a shower. I'm exhausted."

He trailed slowly up the stairs and I went to check on the dinner, the smell of roasting meat making me feel almost nauseous. Tonight I was going to tell my parents and Richard about the lump in my breast and the thought of finally telling them made my stomach flip with nerves. I knew it was the wrong time but I couldn't keep it a secret any longer. I would have to make an appointment to see my doctor and arrange an investigation so they would need to know. Absentmindedly, I sought out the lump, feeling the hard nodule under my skin, the panic inside me flaring as my fingers brushed over the spot.

Pushing negative thoughts to the back of my mind, I concentrated on the dinner, jumping in alarm when the doorbell rang. It was my parents and the children greeted them as if they hadn't seen them for ages, squealing with delight at the small box of chocolates my father carried.

"How are you, love?" he said, ruffling my hair like he'd done when I was a child. "Something smells good."

I smiled at him but noticed the sadness in his eyes as he looked around the kitchen. "So where's all this wine your mother's been telling me about?"

I pointed to the stack of boxes in the utility room where I'd moved the wine earlier. "That should keep you going."

He went over to examine the boxes, whistling when he saw the names of the vineyards. "Oh Louise...this is silly. Why did you buy all this?"

I looked up as Richard appeared, his hair wet from his shower. "You deserve it, Jack. It'll keep you warm over the winter," he said, glancing at me.

My father chuckled and came over to hug me. "Maybe I'll bury it, hey? So the bastards can't get their hands on it..."

Dinner was a subdued affair and no-one had the courage to mention the business. I wondered how long it would take to get around to the important items on our informal agenda, but we discussed everything except the real concerns we all had.

Taking the dessert plates out to the kitchen I steeled myself to tell them my news. The children were in bed and now seemed the perfect time. I brought in a pot of coffee and some cups and sat down, my face serious.

"I need to tell you all something..."

My parents and Richard looked at me expectantly and for one terrible moment I sensed they all thought I had some kind of solution to our financial problems. How easy it would be if I had...some hidden stash of money that I'd been saving for a rainy day...

"When we were on holiday I found a lump in my breast."

My mother gasped with shock while my father went even paler. Richard was the first to speak, his voice barely a whisper.

"When did you find out?"

"I can't remember which day...near to the start of the holiday, though."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I paused and looked at my family. "I didn't want to worry you. We had enough to worry about as it was. And it might well be benign. You know I've had small lumps before."

He stared at me and I saw the disappointment in his eyes. He stood up and went into the kitchen, returning with a bottle of whisky and two glasses.

Pouring out two generous measures he handed one glass to my father. "You should have told me."

"What difference would it have made?"

"We could have come home earlier."

There was a long silence. I stared down into the depths of my wine glass and imagined us coming home early. I would have been spared the ordeal with Mike and Jake but the business problem would still have remained. 

"I'm going to the doctor's next week. He'll probably refer me to a specialist to have a biopsy."

"Oh, Louise..." my mother stifled a sob as she reached out to take my hand. "You shouldn't have kept this to yourself."

"I know, I know...I'm sorry."

"God, I don't believe this is happening..." Richard ran his fingers through his hair and drained his whisky. "As if we don't have enough bloody problems."

My father shot me a look and I managed a smile. "We've got to get through this, don't you see? The problems with the business, my health. We've got to support each other," I said.

Richard pushed back his chair at my words and strode out of the room. I looked at his disappearing back in shock and finally I began to cry.

*

After Richard left, my parents said goodbye and I wearily stacked the dishwasher and tidied the kitchen. I had a feeling I'd made things worse with my unwelcome news, but at what point would have been the right time to tell them?

Upstairs Richard was asleep and I undressed and climbed into bed, longing for a cuddle and a hug from him, but knowing that was a long distant memory. My husband was no doubt disgusted with me for not telling him about the lump earlier and I cringed when I thought of how I'd confided in Mike. When had we grown so far apart that we couldn't tell each other our innermost feelings?

I slept badly, aware of Richard's restless movements next to me. Even in sleep we couldn't find peace. The next morning, I awoke late and heard the children downstairs squabbling over the television. Richard was gone and I pulled my robe on, pulling a face at myself as I looked in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and I had dark circles underneath them, a physical sign of the strain I was under.

The kitchen was a mess when I went to make some coffee. Spilt cereal littered the worktops and the sink was full of dirty dishes. In the living room, a loud cartoon channel made a mockery of how I felt and I stared at Richard who was sitting in front of the television, a blank expression on his face.

"Can you turn that down a bit?"

He noticed me standing there and stood up, taking me by the arm. "We need to talk."

I winced as he pulled me through into our large conservatory which was bright with the morning sunlight. Shutting the door to the living room firmly behind him, he glowered at me.

"Why didn't you tell me about your breast? I felt like a bloody idiot in front of your parents..."

"I told you...I didn't want to worry you."

"I don't believe you."

"Why didn't you tell me about the business? Now you know how I feel! You kept me in the dark over that, Richard!"

We stared at each other, our breathing fast in the silence of the room. Even now, in the midst of my anger, I wanted to reach out and hold him, but didn't dare.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry for all that happened on holiday, but you pushed me away so many times. All I wanted was to help you, but you never gave me a thought. It was all about you, Richard, and how you were going to deal with the problem on your own."

"What could you have done?"

"I could have helped," I cried. "I could have gone back to work in the business, even part-time. We could have saved a wage in the office if I'd helped out with the accounts. I wanted to be part of it but all you seemed to think I could do was look after the children."

"I thought that's what you wanted, Louise."

"When they were babies, yes. Of course I did. They needed me to be with them all the time but they're older now."

Richard sank down onto a chair, his head in his hands. "What about Jake...and Mike?"

I sat down next to him. "I never intended to sleep with Jake. You must believe me about that."

He stayed silent so I went on. "Mike was different. From the very start I was attracted to him, I can't deny that. He was so interested in me, Richard. He didn't see me just as a wife and mother. He spoke to me and I felt alive with the interest he felt. For the first time in years I felt like me again."

"Don't try and make excuses for what you did...."

"But I didn't have sex with Mike! OK, yes I wanted to but I didn't." I sighed, trying not to think of the night when I'd slipped out of my room to meet Mike and the intimacy that had followed. I couldn't burden Richard with that now, it would tip him over the edge. "Our lives carry on and we get lost sometimes. Don't you think that? We become slaves to the kids, the house, the business. Mike made me feel different. But now I know it was all a sham. He wasn't like that at all."

Richard sneered at me. "What was he like then?"

"He was only interested in saving his vineyard. Jake saw the attraction between us and tried to exploit it. He lured me away to stay with Mike and Lisa and paid Mike to make love to me and film it."

My husband looked surprised. "You never told me that."

"You didn't give me the chance! You were away in Toulouse and then I walked right into another of Jake's plans when I returned to the farmhouse."

"I saw you both. In bed together. My wife and my friend fucking like crazy."

I looked up at my husband and saw the tears glinting in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Richard. If I could take that back, I would. But he raped me...you must believe that. He drugged me and then took advantage of the confusion I felt."

"I only have your word for that, Louise."

I stared at him in shock. "So you would rather believe him than me? Is that what you're saying?"

"Hell, I don't know what to believe any more!" Richard's voice rose to a shout. "This is all too much."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, starting to cry again. "All our marriage I've been faithful and now you can't believe me?"

"You wanted Mike..."

"I told you why!" I shouted. "I thought he wanted me for what I was, but he betrayed me in the worst way possible! Don't you think I'm paying for that now?"

"I'm going," Richard replied, gazing at me without emotion. "I'm going to stay with a friend for a while until I can think about all this without wanting to hurt you in some way. I think it's for the best. I hate the children to see us like this."

"Please, Richard, don't go...please. Leaving doesn't solve anything." I put my hand out to touch him, but he pulled away, standing up to gaze out of the window.

"I just need to clear my head."

I watched as he opened the doors and kissed the children goodbye, their faces riveted to the television screen. How little they knew, I thought, and made a decision to keep them as far away from all this trouble as I could.

Minutes later, I heard the car engine start up and then Richard was gone, the only sound the insane, mocking laughter from the television screen.

*

I somehow managed to get through the weekend with the help of my parents and the children but they were naturally confused about where Richard was. Both children were old enough to know that something was up and I hated seeing their worried faces as they asked me where he was.

"He's had to go away on business," I told them as I made their lunch on Saturday morning. "He wont be away for long, don't worry."

But I knew they would. The tension in the house was unbearable and I tried to make life as normal as possible for them, taking them out on Saturday afternoon and allowing my daughter to have a friend to sleep over in the evening.

Richard phoned me to tell me where he was, but refused to talk any more. "I'll see you in the office on Monday. As a Director you need to be there to see the Bank Manager."

"I'll be there, you know that, but as your wife, Richard."

"You're a Director, Louise. I can't think of you as my wife at the moment."

I was shocked at his words, delivered in that same flat tone of voice that told me much more about the state of my marriage than words ever could. We still hadn't spoken properly about what happened in France and I wanted to tell him what Diana had done, but how could I when he refused to see me?

*

After dropping the children off at school on Monday, I made my way into the office with butterflies in my stomach. I had no idea what the outcome would be with the bank, but knew that over the years we'd been a good customer of theirs. Surely that must count for something?

While we were waiting for the Bank Manager to arrive, my father gave me a quick summary of what had happened with the business over the last six months.

"We overspent with the new company," he explained. "Richard thought he was doing right by expanding, and, of course, they were competitors, but the equipment was in a worse state than we realised. Techniques have moved on so much over the last decade that we knew we'd have to invest to get the company running more efficiently."

"So you took out another loan?"

There was a pause. "Yes...a mistake, I know, but we couldn't do anything more."

"And the loan is on the house?"

"Yes. Up until then, we'd owed the bank nothing, but we had no choice. Richard was confident we'd be able to pay it back with the increased revenue."

"But what about the business itself?" I asked. "Is it still successful?"

"To a certain extent, yes," my father replied. "It's just cash flow. We're waiting too long for our invoices to be paid which means we overdraw more and more each month. And with the loan repayments, our charges are just getting higher and higher."

I sighed. "So what do you think the bank will do?"

"Well, I'm hoping they'll extend the overdraft for a start. We'll have to cut down on the workforce and reduce our costs substantially, of course."

"And the houses?"

My father turned away. "Richard wants to put your house on the market. Pay off the loan and try and cut down on everything until we get both companies working efficiently again." He paused and put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm confident we can do it, Louise. We just need time."

The meeting was tense and Richard looked visibly pale and worried as he explained what he wanted to the Bank Manager. "If we can extend the overdraft for six months and sell the house, I'm sure we can get over this," he said and I yearned to hold his hand and give him the support he needed. But I couldn't; that chance was lost now.

After examining our accounts and almost interrogating Richard and my father, the bank agreed to extend the overdraft but the interest charges would be high.

"They'll make enough bloody money out of us," said my father angrily after the Bank Manager had left in his top of the range Mercedes. 

Richard looked at me as I stood staring out over the factory. "We need to discuss the house, Louise. Why don't we go to the pub for lunch and talk about what's going to happen?"

"I'll leave you two to it," my father said, his eyes betraying the worry he was feeling.

The journey to the nearest pub was made in silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. The garden was full of holidaymakers, drawn outside by the fine weather and the prospect of a good pint.

"It doesn't seem fair, does it?" I said as we sat down with our drinks. "Everyone looks so carefree."

Richard shrugged. "That was us once, but did we take our happiness for granted?"

"I suppose we did. Everyone does."

We stared at each other. Richard was the first to break the silence between us. "I'll contact three estate agents this afternoon and get some valuations. We need to get as much as we can for the house."

"What about my parents' house? Are they going to sell?"

"No, that's not necessary and it wouldn't be fair to ask them to suffer for a mistake I made."

I agreed. That would have been heartbreaking seeing my family home up for sale as well. "Does my father know about Jake?"

"Yes, I told him on Friday. I explained that I wanted Jake to put the money in and what he wanted in return."

"What did he say?"

"Well, he was angry at first. He doesn't know the whole sordid affair, though. That would be too much. He was just annoyed that I'd kept the bad news to myself."

I took a sip of my drink. "Look, Diana phoned yesterday. She managed to show the disc to Jilly. I don't know what's happened since..."

"So Jilly knows?"

"She does now. I'm not sure what she'll do. Do you think they'll divorce?"

"I have no idea. No doubt he'll manage to talk his way out of it. That's Jake."

We sat in silence, the chatter of our fellow drinkers somehow mocking our misery. "What did you think of Jilly?" I said, trying to keep my voice casual

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's just that you looked very friendly with her, that's all."

Richard studied my face, his expression grim. "There was nothing between Jilly and me, if that's what you're thinking. She was just a good friend."

I looked at my husband but he remained impassive. No hint of guilt at all. "OK, I just wanted to know, that's all."

"I've never been unfaithful to you, Louise. I thought by now you would know that. My only aim has been to ensure you and the children had a good life..."

"I know that."

"Do you? Is that why you found it so easy to betray me with Jake?"

I bit my lip. "I didn't betray you. It meant nothing."

"What about Mike then?"

I paused. Mike had been an illusion and I'd responded to his charm and sympathy. He'd touched something inside me and I couldn't deny my feelings. "Mike was a mistake. I hold my hands up and admit that. Have you never made a mistake?"

"Oh yes, Louise. I've made mistakes and I'm now going to pay for the biggest one I ever made, aren't I?"

He drained his pint and stood up. "Let's go. We're just going around in circles."

I hastily finished my drink and followed as he strode off to the car park, his shoulders rigid with anger.

*

Over the next few days, we chose a local estate agent and put the house on the market. The shock of seeing the For Sale sign was absolute when I returned with the children after school. They looked up at the sign and I could see the fear in their eyes. Richard was still living away but he said he would return the following weekend and sleep in the spare room. The children were beginning to ask too many questions and I'd begged him to return.

"Why don't we go and talk to someone?" I'd suggested during a phone call. "Someone who won't take sides."

He'd reluctantly agreed and I'd contacted the local branch of Relate, managing to book an appointment for the following week. It was a start and I prayed that we'd come through this together.

The house had gone up for sale the day I'd been to see my doctor. He'd examined my breast and booked me an appointment with a specialist who would do a needle biopsy. I'd had one before and knew it was a routine procedure to see if the lump was benign or not. The thought that it was malignant was keeping me awake at night and the fact that I could be ill was a terrifying one for me.




Staring at the Sun Ch. 14



Although the house was for sale, we hadn't looked at anywhere else to buy, simply because we didn't know whether it would be one house we'd be buying or two very small ones. Neither of us had spoken about the future and I was dreading the conversation when it happened. I wanted to bury my head in the sand and ignore the future completely.

Every day I went into work and together with my parents and Richard we planned a strategy to save the business. It was an ordeal when we had to make several of our employees redundant and the guilt on Richard's face was terrible. He had lost weight since returning from France and his suit jacket hung on his shoulders making him appear much older. But he was beginning to see how I wanted to take an interest in the business, and although I never said anything to him, I could sense the start of a reconciliation.

*

One month later...

It was Saturday morning and downstairs I could hear the loud noise of the cartoon channel. I lay in bed listening to the sound of birdsong and wondered how much longer I would be able to enjoy the pleasures of my garden and the peaceful rural surroundings. 

Richard and I had finally decided to rent a house for six months before we made a decision. Our meetings were continuing with Relate and it was a time for honest conversation. I'd told Richard how I'd felt during the last few years of our marriage and he'd expressed surprise. 

"I thought you were happy," he'd said as I spoke of the increasing alienation I was feeling. "I was doing all I could to give you what you wanted."

"Materially, yes, I was happy, but we'd grown apart, Richard. I seemed to be just a wife and mother, not me anymore."

He'd looked at me in amazement and I felt guilt that I wasn't satisfied. I'd tried to explain how Mike had made me feel, how his interest and sympathy had made me feel alive for the first time in years, but he couldn't understand.

There had been a lot of tears and I'd said sorry over and over again. Sometimes, Richard was calm and listened but other times he would lose his temper and rant at me, asking how I could have slept with Jake when I knew he needed me most.

"Do you know how I felt seeing you with him?" he'd shouted. "And then when he nearly raped you? I should have killed him for that..."

I knew that the path to rebuilding our marriage was a long one, but we seemed to be getting there slowly and my involvement with the business was helping. We'd done everything we could to cut our costs and the expensive BMW we leased had been replaced with a more modest model, but things were improving, even though I knew Richard would never forgive himself for the redundancies.

Now, on this sunny Saturday morning, I followed the tantalising aroma of coffee to the kitchen were Richard was reading the morning paper. Two letters lay on the worktop and I eyed one of them with dread. It was from the hospital.

"Want a coffee?"

I nodded and picked up the other piece of mail, a slim white envelope with handwriting I didn't recognise. "Who's this from?" I asked Richard as I took the coffee cup from him.

"No idea. It's for you."

I slid a finger under the fold and carefully opened it, my interest aroused. Inside there was a single sheet of paper and I read:

Dear Louise,

I feel I have to write and say sorry for all the upset that we've caused you. It was never my intention to hurt either you or Richard, but I know from several people that after you left here, things took a turn for the worse.

I've left Mike. There seemed to be no point in carrying on and our life together was a sham anyway. He was never interested in me, just the vineyard. By all accounts, he's having to sell as the money from Jake dried up... He's devastated but that's what happens when you set out to deceive someone.

I'm back in the UK now. I managed to scrape some money together and get a cheap flight home. I hate Jake and Jilly and never want to see them again. I can't believe I did what Jake wanted me to do, but I was desperate, Louise. You have to believe that...

I hear that Jake has been thrown out of the farmhouse. Jilly found out about what happened and she also found out about Sophie. I don't think she'll ever forgive him...she's not the forgiving sort, is she?

Anyway, I'm living in London for the time being with friends. I know that I'll have to start all over again, but it's better than living a lie. I just wanted to say sorry for all the hurt I caused and I understand if you never want to see me again. Please don't put me in the same category as Mike. 

My address is on the top of the letter if you want to get in touch.

Yours 

Lisa

I read the letter again and again and then passed it over to Richard who frowned. "You never told me of Lisa's part in what happened."

"I didn't think it would solve anything if I did. It was irrelevant."

"But if she hadn't asked you to go and stay things may have been different."

"Perhaps. But then Jake would have persuaded you to let him help and we'd be at his mercy now."

I poured out another coffee and stared at the other letter. "I'd better open it."

My heart was beating furiously and I was shaking as I gazed at my husband. Inside the letter was my future and I didn't know whether I had the courage to open it or not.

"You do it." I thrust the envelope at Richard who took it reluctantly.

Unable to bear it any longer, I rushed out to the garden, my eyes full of tears. How could I tell the children if I was ill? Hadn't they coped with enough lately?

Sinking down onto the small bench overlooking the house I let the tears flow. We'd received an offer on the house and it was only a matter of time before we'd be packing to leave, all our possessions crammed into boxes and left in storage until we made a decision about our future.

I closed my eyes, feeling the sun warm my cheeks and tried to calm down. All the events of the last few months passed through my head in a jumble of images: the journey to France, the worries over being able to pay the hotel bills, finding the lump in my breast, our stay with Jake and Jilly...

What mattered now was our future as a family and I opened my eyes to the sunlight. Richard was standing in front of me, a strange expression on his face.

My heart started to race again and it was only when he knelt in front of me and hugged me close, tears in his eyes, but a huge smile on his face that I knew the future was going to be just fine.

The End.