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PornStar Ch. 01

By: velvetpie



"Bring him in!"

Darrin had thought that after five amazing years in the business, he'd never tire of hearing those words. Bring him in. Truth is, those words now filled him with deep dread. Absolute deep dread. 

"Otto! Come on! It's time!"

Darrin Mathews glared at his reflection in the make-up mirror and felt that he was staring into the eyes of a stranger. This was not a person he knew. This was a hollow shell; a glass container that had been drained of its contents and now sat bereft and empty. Who am I?

"Otto!"

He stood with the weariness of an octogenarian and shuffled onto the set, ignoring the cursing director and the frantic production assistant that was seeking to rid him of his robe. Any other young, red-blooded gay man would kill to be him: the infamous Otto Bahn, the highest-paid porn star in the gay world. Right now, Darrin wanted nothing more than to go back to being a non-descript young, red-blooded gay man.

"What the fuck took you so long?"

He didn't respond to Jesus. The irascible director was running on three Red Bulls and chain-smoking Marlboros like a smokestack and Darrin knew that was bad. He let the robe fall from his well-muscled shoulders and strode over to the bed, where his scene partner, Bert Reddy, lounged.

"All right. Let's get started."

Bert held his hand out and Darrin clasped it briefly. "Wow, it's such an honor to work with you, Mr. Bahn."

"You can call me Otto, kid. How old are you?"

"Eighteen." The red-haired young man laughed shakily. "This is my first scene."

Oh, great! Darrin rubbed his forehead, wincing at imaginary pain. A newbie. Just what he didn't want to hear. "You'll be all right, kid." He pulled the young man to his feet. "Just don't pop off too quickly."

"Yes, sir."

"And pretend that you're in love with me."

"That won't be a problem, sir."

Again, Darrin grimaced. This kid was in love with Otto Bahn, not Darrin Mathews. Of course, it wasn't the kid's fault. He had worked long and hard to make sure that every guy fell in love with Otto. Otto was a Hitler youth type: flaxen-haired and blue-eyed. And with ruddy cheeks and a well-defined body that defied nature, Otto was gay perfection.

"Good. It'll make the scene great." Jesus moved around the twosome, barking directions to his staff and changing gels on the lamps. The kid shifted nervously, light bumps of sweat breaking out on his upper lip. "Don't be nervous. You'll be all right."

"Okay, Otto. We're ready." 

Darrin closed his eyes and mentally stepped into Otto Bahn's enormous shoes. When he reopened his eyes, he didn't see a nervous kid, he saw a desirable young man and licked his lips, wondering if he was a natural redhead. If the kid noticed the change, he didn't react. He stood frozen, deer in the klieg lights, quivering at the beautiful man that he was lucky enough to make it with.

"It's just us, Bert." He whispered the words that had become a mantra into the young man's ears, pulling him close in a calming embrace. "No one else exists." He felt Bert's body relax a bit. "You believe me, Bert?"

"Yes."

"And you love me, Bert?"

"Oh, yes, Otto." He felt Bert's bulge grow steadily and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Then let's make love."

Darrin didn't hear Jesus' command to begin the action but Otto Bahn did. He knew what the scene required and he knew how to make it work. He watched as the lights dimmed and Bert climbed into the bed, pretending to sleep, waiting for the Fuck Fairy to visit him. 

"Awaken, sleeping one."

Bert's bright green eyes opened and met Otto's piercing blue ones. He grabbed the edge of the sheet, pulling it up to his chin and acting as if he was frightened. "Who – who are you?"

"You know who I am." Otto leaned close to Bert, his voice deep and velvety as his hand slid underneath the young man's pillow. "You left this for me, didn't you?"

Bert looked down into Otto's hand and saw the wrapped condom. "Yes."

"Then you called the Fuck Fairy. That's me and I'm here to fuck you."

Otto leaned in again, this time, letting his mouth connect with Bert's. His thick tongue slid into the young man's mouth, exploring and ravaging, robbing Bert of his breath and making a deep tremble snake through him. His wandering hands slid gently over the sheet, finding Bert's cock and stroking it deftly.

"Oh, yes." Bert moaned against his mouth, relinquishing his control and letting himself become the Fuck Fairy's toy. "My wish has come true."

* * * * *

The scene was done.

Otto Bahn stood over Bert Reddy, the Fuck Fairy's nine-inch magic wand spurting cream onto the kid's red hair and into his mouth. Jesus was hysterical with joy as he watched the money shot on three separate monitors and hugged Darrin's sweaty body as soon as he yelled Cut!

"That was fucking fantastic!"

Darrin looked down into Bert's glazed eyes and saw a sexy grin slowly stretch from ear-to-ear. "Wow! That was great!"

"I told you that it would be okay."

Bert leaped up, the silly shit-eating grin still plastered across his cum-covered face and flung himself into Darrin's arms. "I love you, Otto!"

"Yeah, well ... " Darrin peeled the young man off. "Congratulations. You'll be a big hit now."

He did his usual thing after a scene. He took a long shower, scrubbing himself thoroughly, dressed in his street clothes and headed to Longo's, the local gay watering hole. He wanted to distance himself from the studio and from his alter ego, Otto, but Longo's was no place to go for that. Despite the regularity of his visits, he was practically swarmed when he entered the dark bar.

"Hey, Otto! Let's see your dick!"

"I want to fuck you, Otto!"

"Hey, Otto! Can you come to a party I'm having tomorrow night? I want you to be my party favor!"

"My name's not Otto!"

He couldn't help it. The bar went silent, all eyes turned to the sound of his shout. The fans just glared at him incredulously. The great Otto Bahn was rejecting his fans? Suddenly, it all overwhelmed Darrin and he bolted from the bar, running, not really caring where his feet took him, only that he went as far from his alter ego as possible. 

It was more than an hour later when he found himself on the bridge, tears staining his handsome cheeks. The muddy waters churning below called to him with a rhythmic lullaby of sleep and death, of escape and release. It would only take a few steps, a climb over the wrought-iron safety fence and then ... sweet oblivion. With one leap, Otto Bahn would be gone forever.

Tears blurred his eyes as he took a few tentative steps forward and gripped the chilly rail, hypnotized by the roar of the rushing water. Just a bit more ... 

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Darrin just glared at the young man who had suddenly appeared at his side. He was a few inches shorter with black, curly hair and spiky lashes that covered chocolate-brown eyes. He must have been jogging. The hair at the nape of his neck was wet and his mustache clung to the upper lip of a pouting cupid's bow. Bright blue spandex shorts clung to his hard thighs and a long-sleeved red shirt delineated his cut torso, damp half-circles under his armpits showing his previous exertion. "What?"

"The river. It's beautiful."

Darrin looked down and only saw a wide rivulet of dirty brown water. "It's dirty."

"Yeah, but it's still beautiful." He turned with a bright smile. "Beauty's in the eye of the beholder, you know?" Darrin shook his head, his empty gaze swinging back to the water. He'd had enough of beauty. Enough of Otto Bahn. "Say, you look familiar." He closed his eyes, tears threatening to squeeze from his eyes. "You're Darrin Mathews, aren't you?"

He jerked his head around and stared at the man. "You ... you know who I am?"

"Yeah! I went to school with you and Mickie." A brilliant smile accompanied a sweat-greased palm. "I'm Spencer Carlson."

Darrin picked his memory for a few quick seconds and remembered the guy he knew as Dense Spence from high school. He'd had graduated with his twin sister, Michelle and himself and last he'd heard, Spencer was living in Seattle, working in the prosecutor's office. "Wow, Spencer Carlson! It's been a long time."

"Sure has." Spencer looked Darrin up and down, desperately trying to ignore his twitching cock. There was no other way to describe Darrin except that he was absolutely delicious.

"What are you doing back here?"

"The reunion, of course." Darrin shook his head. He remembered Mickie saying something about it. "Planning on going?"

"Naw. Don't want to embarrass Mickie."

"I didn't think there was anything that could embarrass that girl!" Spencer laughed heartily.

Darrin was surprised to find himself grinning, despite his previous mood. Mickie was his twin but they were very different. Where he was mostly shy, she was boisterous. Where he was cautious, she was exuberant. She loved to be the life of the party and would strip at the drop of a hat. "Probably not."

"Well, I've got to get going." Spencer cast one last glance over the railing and started to jog in place. "I'm staying at the Wilshire. Room 809. Drop by for drinks tomorrow."

"Sure, Spence."

Spencer Carlson jogged off, turning a few yards away to look back at the melancholy figure on the bridge. Something was off about Darrin Mathews. Something that made him extremely uncomfortable with leaving him on that bridge and Spencer never ignored his instincts. He turned around, breathing heavily and returned to Darrin's side.

"Do you have a car nearby?"

"No. I left it at the ... " Darrin cringed at the thought. He'd left his car at the studio. Spencer would probably want to know what he did at the studio. "I left it at the gas station. It had a flat."

"Oh. Hold on a minute." Spencer jogged to the end of the bridge and raised his arm to hail a cab. It took a few long minutes but a yellow Chevy pulled over and he slid into the back seat. "Come on!"

Darrin lifted his head. "What?"

"Come on!"

Spencer watched Darrin wrestle with his indecision and even though he didn't know why, he waved at him a third time. Maybe it was the combination of the haunted look that Spencer was sure went down to the depths of Darrin's soul or the way his body was reacting to his pure physicality but he didn't want to let Darrin Mathews go just yet.

Darrin bade a mental farewell to the water and turned towards Spencer. 

The bridge will be here tomorrow. 

Spencer Carlson wouldn't.

Pornstar Ch. 01



Pornstar 1: The Script

It wasn't my idea. I wish I could pretend it was, but it wasn't. In fact, I wasn't even really paying attention when it came up. I was sitting at the keyboard, trying to find something interesting to write about the last interschool football game (I don't get off on football). 

There had been a craze that term for passing around porn videos. Several people had been working evenings in a video store, and slipping the porn out with them, and it got passed around... pretty much everybody had watched some. I certainly had. Paul and Lillith - no, of course her name wasn't really Lillith, don't be silly - were sitting somewhere behind me, over by the window, and I'd sort of heard that they were talking about the porn stuff and how unbelievably bad it was; but hey, we had a paper to get out, and somebody had to write it. When I say it was a paper, it was only a school paper... but I sort of had ambitions back then to be a journalist, and I thought it would look good on my resume. 

Anyway, there I was trying to get the paper together and there they were pretty much just hanging out and that was sort of normal. 

"Hey, look, there's Nancy... isn't she hot..." 

There are some keywords that kick your brain into gear, even when you're seriously not paying attention. Nancy was hot, a fact which tended to sort of obsess my idler moments. Not that (outside idle moments) I actually had anything to do with her, of course - I'd have been way too shy... 

"... how about she's tied over..." 

"...an old sawhorse..." 

"...OK, I guess..." 

"...and then you've got this belt thing..." 

"...no, a whip..." 

"...OK, and you're whipping her..." 

"Guys," I said, "guys, what is this?" 

"Well, hey," said Paul, "this porn stuff, it's so much crap..." 

"...but all these people are making all this cash out of it" said Lillith, "we were kind of thinking why couldn't we...?" 

"Guys," I said, "come on." 

"No," said Paul, "seriously, all you need is a half-way decent video camera..." 

"...which we could borrow from media studies..." 

"...and some hot girls..." 

"Yeah, and like they're queueing up, are they?" 

They both turned on me. 

"Don't be such a wet blanket, Kyle," said Lillith. 

"Hey, man," said Paul, "even if we don't make any money, this is going to get me seriously laid." 

"Oh, you're like the leading man, are you? And Lillith's the front of the queue?" 

"Oh, hey, no," said Lill, "I'll do the continuity and the wardrobe, but I'm not getting fucked on camera - no way, man!" 

"Well, there you go," say I, "who you going to get?" 

"Well, there's Jenny, she's hot..." 

"I bet you she's a fucking virgin!" 

"Yeah, well, maybe... there's Mandy - she's no virgin..." Paul had split up with Mandy - or the other way around, I wasn't sure - a couple of months before. I didn't see that as very likely. "...Sure you won't do it, Lill? oh, well... and hey, you got to admit Nancy Kilkenny would sell videos like they were going out of fashion..." 

"And, like, she's going to agree, hey? And Big Dan the cow pie man is going to let her?" 

We talked about it maybe ten minutes more, and we ended up with the general concensus that I was a wet blanket, and pissed on all their great ideas... and then, well, then, nothing might have happened, if it wasn't for Mrs Price and English. 

Teachers are, lets face it, sort of old, or at least, sort of older, but Mrs Price was not so much older in a headspace sort of way. Like, I could talk to her and it was like on the same wavelength. She also looked - and dressed - a lot better than you'd think a teacher ought to. But that wasn't the point, at least not then. The point was that Mrs Price took us for English, and Paul and me and Lill - because we did the paper and had been in the school play - were sort of some ways her star pupils. And the day after we'd been talking in the paper office about the porn film thing, we were all in English with a whole bunch of other kids who were in that class with us, and she gave us all an exercise. In groups, she said. We had to write a script for a short film. In groups, and it was obvious that we - me and Paul and Lill - were a group, because we always were. And we had to write the script for 'a film that people would want to watch'. 

OK, so what actually happened was my aunt died. My mom's family kind of don't much like to have too much to do with us so I scarcely really knew her, so it wasn't like big grief or anything. But, whatever, I had to go out east to the funeral, so I wasn't there for the script writing sessions - the first time I saw it was the day before we had to present it to the class. 

And, hey, it was good - honestly it was good. You could tell it was Lillith's story, all gothic and night and witches and sort of dream stuff; but you could tell that Paul had written most of it. Paul can really write, when he gets off his lazy backside. It had a good plot, so that everything that happened fitted in and kind of made sense and seemed pretty much inevitable. You could, in a weird way, believe it, even though you could also believe that it was a kind of dark wet dream. It had pace, and dialogue, and wit, and drama, and shape - I really liked it as a piece of fiction. 

But what it had most of was sex. Lots of sex. The lead guy got it on with five different women in what was like thirty minutes worth of script. And the sex was well hot, too... 

"You're never going to read this out in front of the class!" 

"No, schmuck, you are..." 

"You have to be..!" 

"Well," said Lillith, "we're supposed to be a group, and we've done the hard stuff..." 

When we'd done King Lear for the school play last winter I'd done the Fool, which is quite a big part, and I'd sort of got into the performance thing. I mean, like, I'm pretty tongue tied mostly with people I don't know that well, and sort of hang in the background most of the time. But I can sort of put a mask on - not a real mask, but - and go out and do the thing, and I even really enjoy it. I'm not saying I'm an actor or anything, just I can sort of put on the mask. And, like, presenting this thing to the class was just such a big - such a big thing - that the only way I could do it was sort of make it a performance thing. Of course I didn't have to read out the whole script, there wouldn't have been time in class for all the groups to read their whole scripts - so I just had to give a synopsis and read a key scene. And I was up third and I did it, and I don't really remember that much about doing it. I do remember there'd been some polite clapping for the people who were up before me, and there was some clapping for the person who was up after me, but I don't remember any clapping when I'd done my bit, but hey, I did it, and I sat down. 

At the end of the class Mrs Price said she'd been planning to do a show of hands for the best script at the end, but seeing 'some of the material' she'd decided to do a secret ballot, we were all to write the name of the best script on a piece of paper and drop it in the wastebin on our way out, and she'd tell us which script was the best next lesson. 

We were hanging out in the paper office, like we did in those days, and the others were taking the piss out of me about how I'd read the sex scene, when Mrs Price walked in. There was, like, this silence in the room. "So whose idea was this?" she said. We sort of explained about the porn videos, and how bad they were, and how we had sort of thought we could do better, and... "And you had to do it in my class?" We sort of explained about the script thing, and how she'd said it had to be something people would want to watch, and... 

"You know," she said, "you guys really messed up. I had it planned that instead of doing a play this year we'd do a film, and we'd do a film from the best script I got. And, you know, yours is the best script - it's far and away the best written, and the best plotted. It got the most votes. You're right, people would want to watch it - I'd want to watch it. But." 

Nobody looked at anyone. 

"We can't make this. I'd get sacked, and I'd never get another job. You'd all get expelled. We cannot make this. And none of the other scripts were really up to it. We just cannot make this." 

There was a silence. She looked around at us. 

"You actually wanted to, didn't you?" 

Paul jumped in and said how cool it would be, and Lill said that it would be great experience, and I... well, hey, they're my friends, aren't they? I wasn't going to make it seem I wasn't really in the thing. 

After she had gone we sat without saying anything for a long time. I mean, we all wanted to make a film. I really love doing camera stuff, and Lill was really into the costumes and props and production stuff, and Paul.. well, I've said Paul could write. We'd talked about it lots. The porn film thing... well, hey, that was just a sort of idle idea. A film was the thing. Any film. And we could have done it. We could have done it on school time with all the kit and support and stuff. And we'd blown it. And man, did we feel low. 

The next English class was worse. She'd printed off all the scripts - not just ours - for everyone, and had a discussion about them in the class. She didn't say anything about what she thought. She just asked. And she didn't, like, concentrate on our one. It was just that everyone kept coming back to it - not, like, directly, but... there were lots of sort of titters, and allusions, and trying to be smart. People were embarrassed to have to talk about it, but they sort of wanted to talk about it. 

Then suddenly there was this big discussion about the climax scene, where this really gross, hideous, witch creature turns into this really hot girl while she's being, like, done, and Lill was talking about how she thought the costume would work, with like layers of dressing gown things in sackcloth and wool and silk and lace and chiffon and a wind machine going and suddenly I was talking about how you'd rig pieces of really thin fishing line so that the crew could pull back the layers one by one like they're blowing away and how you'd light it and like about keeping the exposure value on the the skin as the lights came up and softening the focus so it's like she's glowing and how you could do it in one shot and then Nancy - Nancy! - was joining in and talking about how the actors would have move so that the costume could fall away sort of naturally without you being able to see that they were getting around the fishing line things, and Jenny was saying she didn't think that would work and wouldn't it be better to shoot the scene backwards like you'd do a bit of humping and then stop and put one layer on and do a bit more and stop and put another layer on and I - I said no, because I could see it in all this one long take where the camera started really quite far back in the trees and it's all still night time and really harsh black and white with no colour and the focus is really sharp and the shapes are all angular and then the camera gradually spirals smoothly in as the light that's supposed to be the dawn comes up and coming right around them and it ends up in the view point of the guy looking right down onto the woman's face and chest and she's all soft and rounded and golden and glowing and there's like flowers behind her head... 

At the end of the class Mrs Price went round everybody one by one collecting in the scripts, and asking which script would make the best film. At first people were sort of embarrassed but then Nancy said (she was like glowing like a stop sign) really clear that she thought ours was way the best and she'd really like to see it, and then other people joined in and somehow it was quite a kick to hear everyone in the class saying we'd done good (even though I knew I really hadn't done any of it) because mostly they just think we're a bit nerdy and strange. 

Afterwards we sat around in the news office talking in a sort of slightly elegiac way about the script, about its reception, about how great it might have been if... sort of quiet and sad and sort of proud, in an odd way. And then we mooched out, and I headed off for my cleaning job. As I walked through the park, I heard a voice call my name, which doesn't happen that often to me. I looked over and there was Mrs Price, sitting on a bench. I went over and said Good Afternoon, all polite. She told me to sit down. She asked me what I thought about the script, now. Would I really have liked to make it? Without thinking, I said I would. She asked me why, and I talked to her about the shots, about the framing, about the bits that would be difficult to film and what I thought we could do about it, about how you could make the hole in the wall scene really funny - about how porn films weren't successfully funny, but this one could be - about how I thought the climax shot would be really moving... 

"As well as sexy?" 

Well yes, I said, that as well. It wouldn't work unless it was all really sexy - you had to believe in the sex, you had to be involved in the sex - but how I thought it could do more than just that. 

We sat for a while and watched kids playing in the play park. 

"Would you want to act in it?" 

Well, maybe I might be an extra or have a bit part but the stuff I really wanted to do was the filming - the actual camera work... 

"not the sex?" 

I shook my head. I looked at the ground. I told her I wouldn't be any good at it because I'd never actually done it, and anyway I didn't think we'd get any women signed up if they knew I was doing that. It's not like I'm big or hunky or good looking or athletic or any of that stuff women go for. Not that I thought we'd get any women signed up anyway, not really, but we'd have more chance with Paul because he'd got the looks. And anyway he was up for it and it was really his bag and... 

We sat for a while and watched kids playing in the play park. 

"OK," said Mrs Price. "This conversation never happened, all right?" 

I said all right. I expected her to get up and walk away, but she didn't. 

"This is what we're going to do. You can go back and tell the others that we're going to make your film. But there are conditions." 

We had to rewrite the script so that there was no explicit sex in it. She would organise use of school facilities for most of the filming. We would make the expurgated film and it would be part of our credit for our matriculation. But... 

But. If we could find women who were prepared to do the sex scenes, we could do a different cut of the film with the sex scenes in, provided that she could plausibly deny knowing about it and none of the sex stuff was actually on school premises. And... 

And if we wanted, she would take the witch queen role, provided all the witches got to wear masks all the time and didn't take them off even for sex. I said no, we couldn't do that, because I needed Nancy's face for the climax shot. I said it without thinking. I said Nancy. I blushed. 

"You think she'll do it?" 

I shook my head, eyes on my shoes. 

"OK, then here's the deal. You persuade her, and I'll make the rest happen." 

I looked straight up at her. "I could never..." 

"You do it, and I'll make the rest happen. OK?" 

Of course, she didn't think I would. 

Of course, I didn't think I could. 

Rewriting the script didn't take long, and it got better. I really took a hand in it, too, and I think my bits were good. It wasn't just that we rewrote the film so that it worked as an action film with implied sex - we also rewrote the sex scenes so that with them slotted in it was better, too - both sexier and more involving. We presented the cut version back to the class and pretty much everyone liked it. Then Mrs Price said about really making it and put up a list of jobs. I was pleased to see I was already written in as camera and post-production. Lill was in as props and costumes. Mrs Price had written herself in as continuity, production and 'extra'. By the end of the class people had pencilled themselves in against all the things they wanted to do, and after school Mrs Price came into the news room with the list. We started sorting out who would do what, and pretty soon it got down to the female roles. Mrs Price suggested Nancy for the crone role, all cool and matter of fact. Paul said no, because she'd never be up for the sex scenes. What sex scenes? asked Mrs Price, all cool and bland. 

We looked at each other. No-one spoke. The way I understood it Paul really wanted to do the sex scenes because he wanted to get to lay the girls. By this time I really wanted to do the sex scenes because I had all the camera work set up in my head, and I wanted to make it work. I got it that Lill really wanted to do the sex scenes, but I didn't know why - some vicarious thing, or maybe she fancied girls? I didn't know. Lill never seemed to have a boyfriend. She was a people watcher - I was too, and sometimes we'd sit at the news office window and look at the people go by outside and talk about them - but I hadn't really got a feel about her that way. She was sort of odd around the place anyway with her black clothes and witchy stuff, and there didn't seem to be anyone she was really interested in. Paul had made a couple of passes at her (of course), and she hadn't taken offence or anything but she definitely didn't swing his way. We looked at each other. No-one spoke. 

Mrs Price said "there's a bench in the park where I sometimes have a sit on my way home from work - Kyle knows where." 

And then she went on coolly to discuss storyboarding as if nothing had happened. About ten minutes later she left. We hung about for another five minutes and then wandered out into the park. 

"OK, look," she said. "There's ground rules. There have to be ground rules. I really could get sacked or prosecuted over this. Nobody - nobody - talks about the sex scenes on school premises. No script or storyboard or tape cartridge or anything related to a sex scene ever gets taken on to school premises, and if there's anything there - even an early draft - you get it out of there tonight. OK?" 

We all said OK. 

"OK, I don't even want to be seen talking to you all like this, and I don't want you coming to my house. Up in the woods on the south side of prospect hill there's an old barn set back into an abandoned quarry with some loose boxes in it - do you know where I mean?" 

Paul did. 

"OK, we'll meet there on Saturday afternoon at 2 o'clock - if there's anything to talk about." 

Paul wanted to know what she meant about if there was anything to talk about. 

"Well, look, there's no point in shooting just one sex scene. We could cut one sex scene and not lose the point, but we can't cut four. I'll do the witch queen role " - she was looking directly at Paul - "including the sex, provided you guys get at least two other women in the class signed up to do sex scenes." 

Paul started talking about who we could sign up and somehow I wasn't really listening, I was thinking about... 

Mrs Price voice cut back into my thoughts. "No, Nancy is doing the crone role. Kyle thinks she's right for it and I agree with him." 

"But she'll never agree" said Paul. 

"Kyle's going to get her to agree..."  

"Better if I ask her." 

"No, Paul, this is between Kyle and me. He's going to ask her, and he's going to persuade her, and if he doesn't he doesn't get to shoot his climax scene. It's his call."



PornStar Ch. 02



Spencer tried not to stare at Darrin as the taxi pulled away from the curb and gave the driver the Wilshire's address. Darrin Mathews. Never in his wildest dreams would he ever have thought that he would be sitting thisclose to Darrin Mathews. But then, he never would have imagined that he was thisclose to becoming the Assistant District Attorney, quite possibly the youngest in the city's known history.

He tried not to laugh as well. He knew that he was vain. Dense Spence, the wild-haired nerd had evolved and Spencer H. Carlson, III had emerged from the ashes. Where Dense was shy and unsure, Spencer was confident and eloquent. The cloak of Dungeons and Dragons and Tubular Bells was cast aside in favor of Elizabeth George and Jeff Lorber. And this reunion was the final stroke in his grand masterpiece of reinvention. The chance to show everyone what the lame-ass Star Wars fanatic had become: a successful, powerful lawyer. 

And so he had packed, excited to carve yet another notch on his belt of adulthood, a chance to rub his good fortune into the faces of those who had treated him so badly. But somehow, the air seemed to have been let out of his balloon once he saw Darrin. He had known who Darrin was as soon as he'd seen him. No one who graduated that year could forget the Mathews twins. Darrin, the gymnast with the perfect delts and fat-free gluts and his exciting sister, Mickie, voted Most Likely To Be Naked. And she didn't disappoint. No one forgot the commencement ceremony.

"So what do you do?"

Spencer watched the wide blue eyes swing around from the passing scenery to him. "I'm in the entertainment industry."

"Ah." Spencer shook his head, understanding yet not understanding. "You're an attorney, aren't you?"

Darrin laughed. "What would make you think that I was a shyster?"

"Hey!"

"Sorry!" Darrin held his hands up. "I didn't mean you."

Spencer smiled, patting Darrin's denim-clad leg and quickly retracting his touch. "Don't worry, Dare, I'm used to it. Everyone just loves a lawyer."

"Bet the chicks do."

"Yeah." Spencer huffed in disappointment. "Don't I know it."

Darrin sized up his former classmate with a newfound sense of confusion. "Is that a problem?"

Spencer didn't answer for a moment. He was back in his hometown and he was the big man on campus. He had a hunter green Aston Martin and a lilac Bentley in the garage of his $430,000 home. He had ducks and swans in his manmade pond and quarter horses wandering his twenty thousand acre spread. He had straight teeth, whitened and capped and his skinny body was thick with sinew and muscle and yet ... no woman had caught his eye nor satisfied him. "Can I be honest with you?"

Darrin shrugged, accepting the cold Tsingtao. He didn't really care ... did he? "Sure."

"I ... uh, I don't really like girls."

Darrin laughed. "What, cooties?"

Spencer dropped down onto the couch next to him, thumbing the remote into life. "Not unless they're permanent." He gave an exasperated sigh. "I'm gay, Dare."

"Oh." Darrin swallowed half of his beer, deep in thought. What the hell am I supposed to say now? 

Spencer saved him the trouble. "Thanks for your pity!" He laughed, tossing the remote on the table and sitting back, looping his long legs ankle over ankle as the New York Giants sought to make mincemeat of an unknown team. 

"I didn't mean ... "

"Ah, fuck off!" The lawyer laughed, clapping Darrin on the back. "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to." Both men chuckled for a moment, Spencer pausing to push the hair out of his eyes and noticing that Darrin was watching the action. "So, how about you?"

"Uh, me?"

"Yeah. How's your love life?"

"Great." Darrin stuttered uncomfortably, then stood. "Listen, Spence, I'd better get going."

"Already? You just got here."

"I know, but I have a million things to do and Mickie will kill me if I don't pick up her dry cleaning like I promised."

"Ah." Spencer took a long swig, following Darrin to the door and watching his ass. Something was bothering him, no, not bothering, actually. Puzzling him. Why had Darrin suddenly decided to bolt when he'd started talking about being gay? Maybe because he was gay himself? That thought made Spencer's cock leap in his pants. He'd give anything to fuck this juicy piece of meat. "Wanna have dinner tomorrow?"

Otto Bahn would have said yes. Darrin Mathews waffled, his mouth opening and closing like a fish stuck on a hook. "Why?"

His response intrigued Spencer. "Why not?" He paused, staring at the man. "Are you afraid of being seen with me?"

"No." Darrin barked a bit too harshly. "I just have to work late tomorrow."

"Then make it lunch."

The idea of spending time alone with Spencer was making him uncomfortable. What would they talk about? Hey, why don't I tell you about being a porn star? Darrin shuddered, his sadness threatening to overwhelm him again. He wanted a normal life; he wanted a relationship. But it was very evident to him that he would achieve neither. "How about cocktails?"

Cocktails. Spencer thought about that word, conjuring images of Darrin feeding him his cock. Unconsciously, he licked his lips, then quickly raised his beer, taking a drink. "Sure. That'd be great."

"I'll meet you in the bar downstairs."

"Sounds cool."

"Great. See you then."

Darrin stepped out into the hall and quickly walked to the elevator. Only then did he allow himself to turn around and look back. Spencer still stood in the doorway and raised a hand in goodbye. Darrin was glad that he was far enough away that Spencer couldn't see his blush. The bulge in Spencer's pants and the fact that he was watching him leave made chills run down his spine. Could there be a chance? Before he could answer himself, the elevator doors opened and Spencer slipped from view.

* * * * *

"All right, Otto." Jesus checked the lighting for the fifth time and came around the edge of the bed where Otto Bahn and a twink named Jamie Hummers were lying. "This is the last scene for the night. Give Jamie a facial and make it a good one."

The younger man sat up, pulling the sheet off Otto's body and gasping in delight. "Damn, you're hung like a horse."

Inwardly, Darrin groaned but Otto just smirked, showing his muscle control by flexing his semi-hard prick and making it bob in the air. "Think you can fit your little mouth around it?"

"No but I'll try!"

"Good boy." Otto leaned back, closing his eyes and lacing his hands behind his head. "You may begin."

"ACTION!"

The plot was supposed to be a young man getting his first taste of cum so Jamie acted tentative, encircling Otto's cock with a hand and stroking it into full tumescence. Otto moaned softly, opening his legs a little wider.

"Darrin." Spencer's voice was soft, his breath warm against his neck. "I love you."

 

He turned, tears filling his eyes as he searched Spencer's dark ones. "What'd you say?"

 

"You heard me." Spencer moved closer, his spicy scent filling Darrin's nostrils. "I. LOVE. YOU."

 

Darrin closed his eyes and let the tears flow. Someone loved him. And it wasn't being said to Otto Bahn. It was being said to him. Darrin Mathews.

 

"Spencer ... Spencer ... "

"CUT!"

Darrin opened his eyes, blinking against the lights. "What ... what's wrong?"

"Who's Spencer?" Jamie asked.

Darrin looked around the room, staring back at eleven pairs of eyes. "No one."

"So quit calling his name, will ya?" Jesus growled, turning back to the clapper loader. "All right, let's take it from the top!"

* * * * *

Spencer checked his watch again. It was nearly midnight and the hotel bar was about to close. Maybe this had been a bad idea. Maybe he should have just resorted to his usual aloof character and avoided feelings. After all, he had been doing it for so long that it was almost second nature. But something about Darrin caught him and held him fast. 

Maybe it was simply his looks. The blond hair, the rippling muscles, the ever-present smirk all combined to make Darrin hotter than the nearest star. As cynical as he was, that would be simple but deep down, Spencer knew that it was something more and didn't have the answer. And that disturbed him. 

"We're closing up now, Mr. Carlson." The bartender, Ray, said, topping off his Dewar's and soda. "You can take that to your room, if you like."

Spencer sighed, pounding the drink down, then reached for his jacket. "Thanks, Ray. Put it on my bill, would you?"

"No problem, Mr. Carlson. Good night."

"Hey, I thought we were going to have a few drinks!" Spencer's heart stopped when he heard Darrin's deep voice behind him. "Sorry, things ran a bit later than I expected."

"That's okay." Spencer laughed, trying to hide the tremor in his voice. Darrin just oozed sexuality and every nerve in Spencer's body was answering loud and clear. He wondered if his friend could sense his unease. "Well, the bar's closing up so we have to go somewhere else. You mind?"

"Naw, that's cool."

"How about we hit a club instead?" 

Darrin shrugged, his stomach flip-flopping. He wanted to avoid a club at all costs. There would be no way that he could hide his persona there. "I don't know. I'm kinda tired. I don't think I wanna go clubbing tonight."

"Okay."

Darrin directed the twosome to the corner bar, just a few yards away from the Wilshire. Once inside, Spencer ordered a Dewar's and soda while Darrin stuck with his usual Johnnie Walker Black and a splash of Coke.

"So, tell me about yourself." Darrin just stared open-mouthed at Spencer, then swallowed half his drink. "Um, I didn't think that was a hard question."

A half-hearted chuckle escaped him and he squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. "It-it wasn't. I'm just not used to being asked that."

"Why not?" Again, his interest was peaked. Asking about one's job was normal in everyday conversation. Why not in Darrin's life?

Darrin let a bit of Otto slip in. "Being in the entertainment industry, if everyone knows what you do, you tend to get a target painted on your back."

"That's the life of a lawyer."

"Yeah, sure is." Darrin laughed, raising his glass in a toast.

"So, tell me about your cases. You must handle a lot of celebrities. Come on, dish some dirt."

"Now, you should know better than that, Spence."

"Yeah, I know. Attorney-client privilege. I just thought you'd have a little tidbit you could tell a fellow jurist ... "

"Nope. I'm well-known for keeping my mouth shut."

"I see." Spencer laughed. "And what about your personal life?"

Darrin sighed. No sense in keeping this private. After all, Spencer had already volunteered his status. "I'm gay."

Spencer shouted happily. "I thought so!"

"Jesus, will you keep it down?" Darrin angrily shushed his friend, glancing around. "I didn't ask for a broadcast."

"What's wrong? I thought you were out of the closet." Spencer noticed that his jest didn't raise a smile on Darrin's face and he whispered, "I'm sorry. I guess it's not as easy for everyone."

"It was never easy for me." Darrin drained his glass, gesturing toward the bartender for another. "Small towns don't forgive easily."

"What's for them to forgive? It was your life."

"I was the golden boy, remember? Star quarterback, headed for superstardom. I was supposed to put this fucking town on the map, remember?"

Spencer nodded slowly. He remembered. The scandal happened a few weeks after graduation. Darrin had been arrested for sodomy after he and Ronnie Littleton were found in flagrante delicto, his dick mercilessly pounding Ronnie's ass. Homer Littleton was outraged; after all, he was the owner of the National Bank and a fine, upstanding citizen in their little town. Darrin had escaped the barn with his life, only to be arrested hours later when Ronnie had told the police that Darrin took him by force. Of course, the fact that Ronnie was cumming when the flashlight caught them in its beam was overlooked and Homer had Darrin's ass nailed to the wall.

The verdict: leave town immediately. Darrin had disappeared overnight, only returning years later to purchase old man Littleton's mansion and to happily piss on the dead man's gravesite. 

"I was always sorry about that."

Darrin shook his head. "There was nothing that you could do, Spence. Everyone knew that Homer Littleton would get what he wanted, no matter who stood in the way."

"But what he did to you was wrong." Spence watched Darrin shrug noncommittally and wondered what was going on in the man's mind. He wondered if it had anything to do with their chance meeting on the bridge. Had Darrin been staring into that muddy water for a different reason? "Darrin ... "

"Wow, look at the time." Darrin made a big show of checking the time on his watch. "I'm sorry, Spence. I've got an early appointment and I've gotta get some sleep."

Spencer could have sworn that he saw tears glistening in Darrin's bright blue eyes. "Listen, why don't we have dinner tomorrow night, after the opening reception for the reunion." Spencer tossed a twenty on the counter, turning to Darrin. "You are going, right?"

"Spence, that's quite impossible ... "

"Are you kidding? You've got to go! What better place to rub your success in the noses of those assholes!" Spencer laughed. "Besides, you get to see who's fat, who's ugly ... who's still fat and ugly," He gave Darrin a knowing wink. "You know."

"No, I don't think it would be a good idea." Darrin pushed through the door, fishing his gloves from his pocket. "I'll come by for a drink before you go, though."

"Sounds great. Give me a call after your appointment."

"Okay." Darrin watched the young man depart, noticing how the streetlight's glare bounced off Spencer's curls and the way his hips took a seductive turn with each step. His mouth watered. "Spencer!"

Spencer turned and was surprised to see Darrin dashing towards him. He was even more surprised when Darrin's mouth crashed onto his in a desperately passionate kiss that set his cock throbbing in the tight confines of his pants. Darrin's tongue plundered his mouth in a way that he'd only dreamed about: forceful, arrogant, controlling the very breath in his lungs and leaving him limp. It was several seconds before Spencer came back to reality, lightly balanced in a pair of strong arms.

He wanted to say something but couldn't put words to his feelings. So he just stood, staring into Spencer's unreadable eyes and letting his fingertips gently slide along his whiskered cheek. "See you tomorrow."

"Uh, yeah." And with that, Darrin melded into the shadows of the street, leaving Spencer with a head full of questions and crotch full of cum.



Pornstar Ch. 02



Pornstar 2: Nancy

Nancy is... well, Nancy is... well, hot. Nancy is well hot. But Nancy is more than hot. Nancy is so cool with her quiet courtesy and her beautiful clothes. Nancy never does mocking, never does the ganging up thing with the rest of the bibbie crowd, never has to build herself up by putting other people down. Nancy is courteous to everyone, doesn't treat anyone like dirt. She's tall - at least as tall as me, even if she wore flat shoes - and she probably even weighs a touch more than me, but that isn't to say she's even an ounce overweight anywhere, just that she curves. And she has eyes, and cheeks, and lips, and my head just wouldn't let go of that shot - that imagined vision - of that golden face orgasming in the golden light of dawn. I met Nancy just outside the school gate, the next morning, just by chance, if hanging around for half an hour can be called chance... if staying up half the night trying to work out what to say and find the nerve to say it can be called chance.

"Errr... excuse me..."

"Hey, Kyle?"

"Err.. I have to ask you this. It's not like ... I mean, I know what your answer will be, but like, I mean, it's..."

"OK, Kyle, what's up?"

She's looking at me sort of quizically with the sun behind making golden haloes in that golden blond hair that Lill says is dyed. I can feel my face getting redder.

"You know the crone role?"

"Mmm?"

"We... I... I want you to do it but..."

"You want me to do it?"

"Yes, but..."

"You want to shoot that last scene, the one you talked about?"

Huge relief, she'd said it, I didn't have to.

"Yes."

"Are you playing the brother?"

"No. No, I'm doing the camera..."

"So who is doing it?"

"Paul."

"Paul!"

She turned away, walking back the way she'd come about a dozen paces, and then came back. The sun was right behind her, I couldn't read her expression.

"Do I have to be naked?"

"Well, sort of no... I mean, there's those robey things that are getting peeled away, like so most of the time you aren't really - like until the last bit and then the camera can only see you down to about here..." - I draw a line across the bottom of my ribcage with my hand... "...I mean, unless you're not cool with that in which case it could be sort of..."

"No, that's kind of OK, I guess. I mean he won't actually be on top of me when you get round to there, will he?"

"No, but..."

Suddenly her head jerked up, and she sort of whisper-shouted.

"Do I have to have SEX?"

I nodded, red as a brick wall.

"With Paul?"

I nodded.

"No. No way."

She turned away again... and came back.

"Could it be someone else in the close up?"

"You mean not Paul?"

"I mean not me!"

I thought about it.

"No, because... it's all just one long take... I mean like it's not like gross or gynaecological or anything like that, it just like if you're not really doing it it's going to show..."

"I don't have to kiss him?"

"No."

"Just sex?"

"Just sex."

She turned, turned back, walked away a little, turned back, turned away, came slowly back.

"If I won't do it, I don't get the part?"

I shook my head, sadly.

"If you won't do it, we don't shoot the scene. I mean..." I looked at her. I looked around. There were other people going by. I looked at her. I held my hands out. "I mean, I see you in that scene. I see your face. Nobody else is... nobody else is - golden - enough... I mean - I mean if we're going to make this big magic moment, the face has to be iconic, like completely... like holy, do you see what I mean? And no-one else has got that!"

"Wow, is that how you see me?" she asked. "Like you really want me to do this?"

"Please."

"But you want Paul to screw me, not you? Like, with you watching?"

"No, but..."

"You want to screw me..."

"It isn't like that..."

"But you do..."

and I started to cry. Fuck! Why? Why then? Why can I just never keep cool when it matters?

"Look," I said, "I'm sorry. I apologise. I shouldn't ever have asked you..."

I ran away.

-----

Days that start bad get worse.

About half past ten I was going down a corridor when an elemental force grabbed me, spun me round, and bounced me off a wall. When I came to later in casualty I had two broken ribs as well as concussion. My face was pretty sore too, and my lips were split and swollen which didn't make talking too easy.

After a while the Deputy Principal from the school came in and asked me what had happened, but I told her I couldn't remember. It was true enough. She asked me if I could think of any reason why anyone would attack me, and I said I couldn't. That was, like, less true, but I didn't want to bring it up.

I mean, like, we call him the cow pie man behind his back, but it isn't really to make fun of him. It's really to pretend to ourselves we're not intimidated by him. Dan McCoy is like... well, he's big. He's not just big, he's just good at everything. He's stroke in the rowing team. He's captain of the football team. He wins all the interschool swimming stuff. And he was Head Boy. And his father is like the biggest farmer for miles around and also big in a lot of the business in the town and stuff. 

Dan's not just a bag of muscles, he's also good looking, and has girls chasing after him. He had Nancy chasing after him. He had Nancy going out with him. He (at least according to the talk) had Nancy.

I didn't know that the cow pie man had hit me, because I couldn't actually remember. And I didn't want to mix it with the cow pie man because if he wanted to make life comprehensively miserable for me in that school in that town he could. But the main reason I didn't want to accuse Dan - the main reason I didn't even want to think it was Dan - was I didn't want to think about Nancy telling him what I'd said...

That was a bad day.

The next day wasn't too good either. I sat around the house feeling too sore and miserable to do very much, although I did do a bit of work on the story boards. 

My mom went out to work about 3 o'clock for the late shift. She'd been kind of cool and only marginally sympathetic all morning. She didn't believe that I didn't know why I'd got beat up, and didn't guess that there was anything else wrong bar being sore and sorry for myself. Which I guess was pretty much right.

About four o'clock the doorbell rang, and I hollered "come in," thinking it would be Paul. 

A voice called "Kyle? Where are you?" and I went out into the living room and there was Nancy looking like summer sunshine.

"Hi."

"Hey, what a mess!"

She walked up to me and cupped my bruised cheek in one hand. I kept quite still, just looking at her.

"I just wanted you to know it wasn't me who told him."

Some sort of stiffness went out of me so I sort of sagged, and she put her other hand on my shoulder to steady me. 

"Hey!" she said again, "Hey, you were really afraid it was me!"

I nodded. I started crying again, hating myself for crying in front of her, hating myself for my lack of control, unable to stop.

"Look," I said, "can I make you a coffee?"

"Hey!" she said, not letting go. I lifted my head and looked at her, desperately trying to control my tears. 

"Hey," she said, "come here."

She pulled me into her, pulled my face into the curve of her shoulder, into the rough clean linen of her jacket shoulder, into her smell of cleanness, of fresh laundry and clean hair and unperfumed soap and, faintly but distinctly, of woman; pulled my body against the curves of hers. She rocked me, gently, like a baby, and I was at the same time humiliated and hugely comforted and also turned on. After a little while she moved her hands, and I straightened up and moved gently away. 

"Sorry, Nancy," I said, "sore ribs. Coffee?"

I went over to the counter and made her coffee and we sat looking out on the lawn and drinking it. She asked about the beating and I told her I didn't remember anything at all about it. She asked about the broken ribs and I told her I didn't know how I'd got them.

"Was it Dan?" I asked.

"Yes, it was." She paused. "Did he kick you? Like, when you were down?"

"I honestly don't know. I don't remember. But," I looked at her, over the rim of the coffee mug, "I wouldn't have thought it was his style."

"No," she said, kind of sadly, "neither would I. I'm not going out with him any more. I've already told him."

"Because of me?"

"Well, sort of. Partly." She looked down, blushing. "Mostly because he thought he owned me, and no-one is ever going to own me. No-one is going to decide for me what I can do and what I can't do, like no-one." She looked up at me again, and reached the back of a finger over to stroke my bruised cheek. "But even if it weren't for that I'd tell him now I've seen you. I don't like bullies."

"Hey, Nancy, I'm, like, I'm not exactly Mr America. I'm kind of like wet string. He probably didn't mean to..."

"It's OK, Kyle, It doesn't make any difference. It's over."

We drank coffee, and watched blackbirds on the lawn. After a while she asked what I'd been doing and I said about the storyboards and she said could she see and I went and got them. She flipped through, slowly, looking carefully at this one or that, until she came to the page where I'd worked out the dawn shot. She looked at it for a long time.

"Wow." She turned on to the final head and shoulders shot. "Wow. Like, who else has seen these?"

"Well, no-one yet... Did... did he say you couldn't do it?"

She laughed, flushing slightly.

"He didn't know about this bit. He just said I couldn't act in a film at all... Hey Kyle, I've got to understand this..."

"Uh-huh?"

"You want me to do this?"

I nodded. "Yes, very much. I said so."

"You want somebody else to screw me?"

"No, it isn't like that..."

"Kyle!" She didn't exactly raise her voice, but it was sharp, intent. "Do you want to screw me?"

"Look, of course I do. Hey, you don't need to say, I know I've got no chance. But even nerds have dreams, you know."

"Do you want to screw me personally, or just anyone?" Her voice wasn't challenging any more, but it was intent. Something mattered. It mattered what I said. I met her eyes, and she held mine. 

"I told you," I said. "You are the golden one. No-one - no-one else will do."

"But you want me to do this, on camera, with someone else, while you film it?" 

I nodded. 

"Look," she said, "put it differently. We're doing this scene. Someone's screwing me. Someone's filming it. Which one is you? You have the choice, screw me or film me. Which would you do?" 

I looked at her. I looked at my hands. I looked at her. 

"Which would you do?"

It was as if the sun of possibility had moved out from behind cloud for a moment... and would disappear again in another. I couldn't lie in this situation, it was too important. The truth would drive her away.

"I can't do both, Nancy. I'd have to film it..."

She face looked exactly as if I'd hit her. I put my hand out...

"Don't," she said. "Don't touch me." 

She put her coffee mug down carefully as if she'd rather have hurled it at me, and walked out, across the room, through the front door. I sat on my stool and wept again, for the third time in two days.

-----

The guys, Lill and Paul, came round later. We talked a bit. Well, we didn't talk much. I didn't tell them about Nancy coming round. They'd sort of worked out I'd asked her. I said she'd said no, and we left it at that. They didn't stay long. I was too sore and too miserable to be much company. Paul asked me if I wanted him to pick me up to go to the meeting in the barn the next day, and I said I didn't know whether I was up for it. I'd ring him. They left.

I just, like, kind of sat. I felt more emotionally than physically beaten up, actually. The house grew dark. I sat.

-----

The phone rang. I picked it up.

"Kyle?"

I didn't recognise the voice. It was female, but low and husky and uncertain...

"Yeah?"

"It's Nancy." I realised she was crying.

"Hey, are you OK..?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm just, like, sitting here in the dark."

"Is there anyone with you?"

"No, I'm just..."

"Can I come over?"

"Hey! Hey please!"

Ten minutes after that she cycled across the front lawn and just sort of crashed into my arms; ten minutes after that we were both sort of lying in a huddle on the couch in the dark crying; ten minutes after that we were kissing, and ten minutes after that my hands were inside her blouse.

At last she disentangled herself gently and sat up. 

"Hey, hey, too fast, too fast, I need a break..."

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Not you, idiot, me. I'm going to fast..."

"Can I make you coffee?"

She laughed.

"I bet you say that to all the girls..."

We wandered across to the counter and made coffee, and then, because we discovered we'd neither of us eaten, sandwiches. We took them into my room. We sat on the bed cause my room is like, small, and there's nowhere else. She looked through the story board again. We drank coffee. We ate sandwiches. She looked at the pictures. I looked at her.

She looked at me, her pupils big in the dim light.

"When will your mother be home?"

"About eleven, usually. Might be later."

"What's the time?"

I looked at my bedside clock.

"Twenty past nine."

"OK."

She stood up and looked out the window. I stood behind her. She seemed to shiver, and I put a hand on her shoulder. She turned into me, holding me to her, and kissed me carefully on the unbruised side of my face. She took me by the hand. I sat down on the bed again and tried to pull her down too.

"Hey, hey, go easy... I don't want to get my clothes all crushed." 

I let go of her. She turned away, looking at my bookshelves... and then turned the light off. In the sudden gloom I could hear movements. I couldn't make out what she was doing. Then suddenly she pushed me over and lay beside me, pulling my sweatshirt out of my jeans. Her lips were urgent, hungry. My hands slid over her back, finding her naked to the waist. After a few minutes she broke away, lying back, panting. She pushed my head down onto her breats, surprisingly small out of her bra, soft and silken and tender. I kissed them. "Hey, that's good," she said, "that's good," and then a bit later, "hey, use your teeth - God yes that's good." I felt her nipples erecting under my lips and teeth, growing, firming, roughening, corrugating. Experimentally I bit harder, expecting protest, but got only hungry wimpers.

Her hands ran through my hair. I slipped a hand down and explored under the waisband of her jeans. She eased over, arching her back a little to give me more room. I tried to identify what I was feeling, by comparison to the porn I'd seen. I was amazed, transfixed by the softness of the hair, the tenderness of the flesh.

"Hey!" she said, "Oh, hey, just do that, that's so good..."

I moved my head up and kissed her on the lips some more. I pulled my hand out of her jeans and went to undo the button. A hand clamped om my wrist.

"What's the time now?"

"Ten to ten."

"How long does it take?"

"What?"

"To go all the way..."

"I don't know, I've never done it before..."

"Do you want to?"

"Like, kind of a lot. Are we going to?"

She turned over, looking into my face in the dark. 

"It won't hurt too much, will it? I mean your ribs?"

"I'll risk it..."

She chuckled.

"Good." 

She rolled onto her side and pulled me down on her breasts again. I took a nipple into my mouth and worried it.

"Hey, that's good. Hey, that's good... Hey..." Her voice changed and I looked up.

"Hey, you have got rubbers..."

"No."

"No... ok... hey, where did we leave my bike?"

"It's on the path just outside the door, I think..."

She got up, scrambling over me.

"Where's the light?"

I got up and switched the light on. She was standing, golden and glowing, hair all anyhow, eyes wide, breathing through her mouth. She looked at me. I handed her her bra. She looked at me, looked at the bra, looked at me.

"Nancy," I said, gently...

She shook her head.

"No... no. No, I don't care..." She looked at me. "Go and hide my bike." I looked at her, wide eyed. She pushed me out the door. "Go!"

I ran out and took her bike round the back to the shed where we keep the lawnmower. When I got back she was in the bed. There were no sign of her clothes anywhere.

"OK?"

I nodded.

"Get your clothes off, then, and get in!"

"We're going all the way?"

"Don't talk, do it!"

We went all the way. And like... I mean, no, of course it wasn't truly great sex, but in my memory at least it is one of the most precious things. I burrowed in under the covers, finding her breast again with my mouth, her cunt again with my hand. I kissed my way down her body, feeling her shudder under me as I nibbled the ridge of her hip, down into her soft curling cunt hair. The smell was delicious. I sniffed down into her groin, experimentally kissing the wet, soft flesh, tasting for the first time the sweet-salty musky woman juice, feeling for the first time a pelvis start to move under me. I kissed again, and licked, and heard her whimper, and felt her hands twist in my hair, and licked again. 

"Oh God! Oh God! Kyle, please... just do it. Just..."

"What, Nancy?"

"Just fuck me..." she pulled me up her body, and kissed me, forced one of her legs under me, pulled me central onto her body. "Fuck me, Kyle, before I run out of courage."

I fumbled, moving clumsily, trying to find the entrance to her body with my blind cock. Impatiently she pushed a hand into our groins and guided me home. I pushed, feeling her heat, feeling her tenderness... Feeling a stretchy resistance.

"Is that it?" I whispered. "Am I in?" 

She laughed, throatily. "Don't think so... like I think that's my hymen. I think you're supposed to go right in. Like a lot deeper. Like you got to break it."

"With my cock?" 

"Think so..." Nancy tilted her cunt up, opening her legs wider and putting her hands on my arse. "Just push." 

"Sure?" I asked. 

She kissed me, and nodded, and I pushed, and then suddenly it went and she sort of gasped and the feeling was different, deep and tight and textured and slick and hot. 

"Oh, God, Kyle. Like I'm so full... I didn't know I could be this full..." 

I pushed again, and slid in further. Her breathing went ragged, and calmed again. I pushed again... and I was sheathed in her, deep in her, no further to go. 

She whimpered again. "Fuck me?" 

I pulled out gently, and started to push again. 

"Kyle... slowly..." 

"Is it hurting?" 

"Uh huh... a bit... do it." 

I pushed in once more as far as I could, and held her. I rolled us a bit so I was sort of lying half on her half beside her but with my cock still right up her to the hilt, and we kissed and hugged.

My mother came home while we were still lying like that, and I gently pulled the covers up so Nancy was pretty much hidden. Mom tapped on my door and put her head round to say was I OK and did I need anything, which caused a storm of silent hysteria under the covers. But later in the night Nancy showed me how to touch her so she came which was just brilliant.



PornStar Ch. 03



The phone rang once, twice, three times and with each ring, Darrin groaned, hoping that the intrusion would just go away. But it didn't. It rang again and again until finally, he put the machine out of its misery, pulling the receiver off of the cradle.

"Hello?"

"Hi." Sleep quickly faded when he recognized Spencer's husky voice. "I thought you had an early appointment."

"I did. I just went back to sleep."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, that's all right. I'm glad you called." Darrin took a deep breath, hoping that it would calm his thundering heart. "I ... I wanted to apologize for last night."

"Apologize? For what?"

The kiss. Even as he thought about it, his piss-hard cock began a throbbing of a different kind. It littered his dreams: the softness of his lips and his tongue, the way his body curled around his, the heady scent of his aftershave. He awoke in a puddle of cum, his soft prick stuck to the side of his leg and his sandy pubes matted. A quick shower, a change of sheets and he sank back into the land of Nod, dreams of Spencer afresh.

"Not for kissing me?" Spencer's voice sounded incredulous but soft. "Darrin ... "

"Y-Yes. I was out of line ... "

"The hell you were! That kiss was fantastic!" His voice lowered in volume a bit. "Do you know that I came?"

God, he came! Just from my kiss! Tingles arose on his arms, quickly traveling down the length of his body and he muffled a groan. "Really?"

"Really. Never happened before. In fact," Spencer whispered. "I was hoping to have another one this morning. Can I see you?"

"I'm not sure if you want to do that." Otto Bahn's smooth seductive voice filled his ear. "I might not stop at a kiss."

"Oh, yeah?" Spencer's voice sounded breathy. "What would you do to me?"

"I'd start by giving you a good scrub in the shower. I'd have to make sure that every part my tongue was going to touch was clean and I'd lay you down and lick you from neck to nipples to nuts." 

Spencer groaned on the other end, fighting the urge to take his cock out. "Jesus, Darrin ... "

"I'd especially lick the skin right under your balls and I'd follow it down to your asshole and give you a rimming that you'd never forget."

"Whew!" Spencer broke the mood with a shaky laugh. "You missed your calling as a porn star."

Darrin felt as if ice water had been thrown on him and he added his own laugh, improvising quickly. "I've seen enough of them, I guess."

"So, can I see you?"

"I don't know, Spence. I really shouldn't have kissed you last night."

Spencer sat up, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Why do you say that? Didn't you enjoy it?"

"Of course I did! That's not the problem."

"Then what is?"

"You are." Darrin closed his eyes, trying to rub the despair from them and not succeeding. "Spence, you're only in town for the reunion and after it's done, you'll be leaving again. What happens after that?"

"I don't know. I suppose you can come visit me ... "

"That's not what I want, Spence. I don't want any more one-night stands."

"It doesn't have to be a one-night stand, Darrin. It can be a three-night stand." Spencer laughed but quickly stopped, hearing the silence on the other end of the line. "Come on, Dare. Lighten up! Meet me for lunch."

"I can't."

"Another appointment?"

Darrin's heart dropped at the derision in Spencer's voice. And so it begins already. He should have known it would happen. "No. Just a little business meeting."

"So? Meet me after."

"Okay. I'll call you when I'm done. Cool?"

"Cool as long as I get another kiss."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Spence. Let's just ... be friends."

Spencer sighed, his cock pulsing angrily. "You're making a big mistake, Dare."

I can't afford to let you into my heart. "Maybe. But I've got to look out for myself. You understand."

"Yeah, unfortunately I do." He smiled, a plan forming in his mind. "Don't forget to call me."

"I won't. See ya."

Spencer hung up the phone, giving his prick a gentle squeeze, promising a little action later. Maybe he'd visit the bathroom and take care of himself ... the knock on the door stopped him in the middle of taking his zipper down. Readjusting himself, he pulled the door open and was surprised to see someone he'd long forgotten about: Scot Sampson.

"Hey, Spence."

Spencer could do nothing but stare at the man. After all, it had been nearly ten years since Scot had taken his virginity. And fuck it all, he still looked the same. Same blue-green eyes, still silver-blond hair and slim body. And when he smiled, the same lopsided dimples cratered his baby smooth cheeks. "Uh, hi, Scot."

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." Spencer stepped aside, watching Scot sashay into the room. He closed the door and watched as he went over to the bar, chose the Absolut Peppar and made himself a drink. "So, what brings you here?"

"Heard you were back in town and I wanted a quick fuck."

Spencer laughed. "Yeah, right. That's past history."

"Is it?" Scot stood, backing Spencer up until his back was against the wall. "We can make it present." The open-mouthed kiss Scot placed on his neck turned his legs to jelly and the naughty nip made him gasp, his prick quickly awakening. "And maybe future, if you play your cards right."

Spencer knew better than that. Scot was a fantastic lover but he was entirely too vain and was only interested in his own pleasure. He'd never consider Spencer for a long-term relationship; the word, long-term, simply didn't exist in his vocabulary. Quick fuck did, however, and Spencer was so horny that it was impossible to resist him, especially when he reached into his pants and cupped his hard cock.

"See? I knew you'd be interested."

Without warning, Scot's mouth covered his, his tongue plumbing the depths and wrapping around his. Spencer shivered as Scot's buried hand grew more insistent, stroking and squeezing until he had to unzip his own pants to relieve the pressure. Scot forcefully yanked the pants down, turned Spencer to the wall and gave his lily-white cheeks a couple of slaps. Spencer whimpered, gritting his teeth against the stinging pain but his cock hardened with each slap. He panted as the assault ended, his heart pounding.

"More, please."

Scot's broad, callused hands met his skin again and again, raining down smacks until his entire ass was rosy. "Still like that, don't you?"

"Oh, yes!" Scot bent him against the wall, prying his sweaty cheeks apart and viciously laving Spencer's asshole. His cock throbbed with each circle that Scot's tongue made and ropes of cum pumped out when his tongue thrust inside, tongue-fucking him with a ferocity that took his breath away. "Fuck!"

"Fuck is right!" Scot stood up, quickly unbuttoning his shirt and ripping it off, his pants swiftly following suit. Spencer felt his thick body behind him, then spread himself as far as he could when he felt the fat head of his cock probing his wet hole. "Time to dance, baby."

The first thrust took Spencer completely off-guard. He had been prepared for the entrance but not prepared for the sweet pain and pleasure that mingled together, ripping through him like a bliss-filled dagger. His cry of joy was abruptly cut off by the next thrust, hard, deep and again, so sweet. He wanted to cry at the sheer beauty of it but he couldn't seem to catch his breath long enough to sob. Instead, he bent more, allowing Scot deeper access and immediately grunted in reward.

His cock arose again, thickening in response to Scot's pounding and the feel of the man's mouth and teeth on the back of his neck. "God, I forgot how good you were!" Spencer shuddered at the lust in his partner's voice and leaned his head back, just as Scot's hands snaked around his waist, one pulling him close while the other grasped and stroked his aching cock. Spencer thought he had died and had gone to heaven when Scot pulled his mouth to his and his tongue began a frantic stroking that matched the fucking.

"Oh, God! Yes!"

Spencer welcomed the break in the kiss to draw a long breath as he came a second time, his release triggered by Scot's orgasm. His warm sperm pumped into his bowls, each spurt heightening his own release and he sagged into Scot's arms, shaking with aftershocks. Scot withdrew, carrying them both over to the couch, licking the sweat from his neck and causing another shiver. 

"Miss me?"

Spencer could barely breathe and cursed himself with each breath. He had vowed not to let Scot use him again but the feelings were just too strong, just too close to the surface to resist him. "I hate you."

"I'm sure you do but your cock sure doesn't." Scot licked his ear, drawing a low moan of pleasure from Spencer, one that deepened into a growl when Scot pinched his nipple. "Care to dance again?"

Spencer couldn't reply. He slipped into sweet oblivion when Scot entered him again and he forgot about everything else.

* * * * *

"Congratulations, Otto." Sly Ackerman raised his glass, toasting the handsome young man that sat across the table from him. "You are the highest paid gay star in porn history."

"I already was." Otto said snidely, quaffing a glass of champagne in a single gulp and gesturing for more, which Ackerman quickly poured.

"Well, you're richer. That's for damn sure." Sly gave a gentle smile. "Jesus was out of words to describe how fantastic you were, especially with that new kid."

"Bert? He just needed a little coaching." Otto sat back in his chair, giving his cock a hard squeeze, an action that drew Sly's attention. "He was a natural at cocksucking, though."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah." Another squeeze. "Did this wonderful little thing with his tongue when he had me in the back of his throat. Swallowed and licked at the same time. Fuck, he was good." Otto gave himself another squeeze, this time, making eye contact with Sly. "I wouldn't mind starring in another movie with him."

Sly shifted uncomfortably, draining his glass much too quickly and refilling with a shaky hand. He knew that Otto had noticed but he would never say anything. It had been eleven years since he'd befriended Otto and had become his agent and through all those years, the first lean one, then the subsequent success, he had lusted after Otto like no one before. He watched every movie and carefully guided Otto's career, performing stage mother duties with his usual aplomb and ensuring Otto's protection.

But Otto had never revealed his real name and would only meet him here, at the Wilshire, to collect his pay for previous work and sign contracts. And Sly had remained his true friend, his only friend.

"This is my last contract, Sly."

"What?"

"You heard me. It's the last."

A deep heat curled in Sly's gut when he saw the momentary vacant look in his eyes. "No, Otto. Please."

"I can't live like this any more." Otto whispered. "I just can't."

"But killing yourself isn't the way out."

"Then what is?"

"Retire. Take the money you've banked and live a new life in a new country. Somewhere where no one knows who you are."

"And live alone?" Otto threw his head back laughing. "I already do that here. Why the hell would I want to continue that?"

"If you quit pushing people away, you might find someone."

"Then what? Tell them I'm an ex-porn star and watch them beat a path to the door?"

"Not everyone is going to care what you do!"

"Well, I haven't found one yet and I doubt that I ever will." Otto refilled his glass and took his shirt off in one fluid movement. "So, I have a gift for you." He hefted the bottle, kicking off his shoes as he walked over to the bed and climbed on top. "Me."

"Otto ... "

"Sly, I know you want me."

"Not this way."

"What way?"

"A pre-suicide gift."

The word suicide struck both men like a smack in the face and Otto busied himself with emptying his glass. "Whatever you say."

"No. You say it. I want you to say it."

"Say what?"

"The word. Suicide."

"What?"

"You heard me. Say it." Otto stared at him for a long moment. His mouth opened but the word stuck in his throat. "Can't say it, can you? But you can sit around all day and think about it." Sly walked over to the bed. "I bet you've even picked a place to do it, haven't you?" When Otto looked away, Sly knew that his instincts were right. "I knew it."

"So what? So what if I have?"

"You're an idiot, that's what!" Sly tossed the remainder of his champagne into Otto's face and launched himself at the unsuspecting young man, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him violently. "You're so fucking selfish! Did you even bother to think about anyone else?" Otto's piercing blue eyes swung up to Sly's brown ones, stricken with confusion. "Don't you think that there are other people out there suffering like you?"

"No, there aren't!"

"There are! Did Peter North off himself? No! Has Nina Hartley committed suicide? No!"

"But Savannah did!"

"And you see what a footnote her life and death became. You want that for yourself?"

Otto's eyes suddenly filled with tears and Sly embraced the young man, letting his hands float across silken flesh while sobs quaked through him. "Sly," His voice was broken, filled with pain. "No one will ever love me."

"Yes, someone will. You just have to be patient." He gave him a squeeze. "Besides, I love you."

"I know, Otto. I'm lonely all the time."

"What do you do?"

"Date. Try to find someone that I connect with and go out. Get out and see the sights." Sly used part of the sheet to wipe Otto's face. "Talk to people. Don't stay holed up inside." He touched his cheek, drawing Otto's eyes to his. "And don't even think about committing suicide."

Otto nodded lamely, his head drooping. Sly refilled his glass and put it in his hand. Otto took a drink and raised his head. "My name's Darrin. Darrin Mathews."

Sly extended his hand, taking his firmly and gently in his own. "Pleased to meet you, Darrin." 



Pornstar Ch. 03



Pornstar 3: Stake

"Hello, Nancy!"

Mrs Price's voice rang surprised out of the shadows. We walked in to meet her. When our eyes had adjusted I could see she was looking at us with a very alert, wary gaze. We exchanged greetings politely, perhaps even a little formally. Mrs Price asked how I was, and when that sort of nicety was out of the way, asked Nancy whether she was joining the planning team. Nancy said she hadn't yet been invited properly, and wasn't sure whether she would anyway because there were some issues which she still had to resolve. Carefully no-one mentioned sex or sex scenes. Mrs Price asked whether I thought the barn would do for the prison scenes.

I looked around; there were a couple of big, solid old wooden loose boxes at the end, with board doors and boarded sides a good five feet tall. At some stage someone had bored a two inch hole through the partition to run a water pipe for a trough through it, and at some later point someone had taken the trough and the pipe away. I ran my finger round the edge of the hole...

"Hey," said Nancy, brightly, "it's even got a hole in the right place!"

Mrs Price looked at Nancy. Nancy looked at Mrs Price. Nancy put a hand up to her mouth in a classic 'oops' expression, and we all laughed nervously. At that point Paul and Lill walked in. Each of them in turn did a visible double take when they recognised Nancy, but they greeted her politely. Mrs Price showed them the looseboxes. She was still visibly uptight.

Finally Paul said "OK, shall we get started?"

"Hang on just a minute. Nancy, you know what we're here to talk about. Are you in or are you out?"

"You mean about the..." 

"No, don't tell me about it. Just, yes or no, do you know and are you in?" 

"Well..." 

"No," said Mrs Price. "It's not well. My career is on the line here. I need you to say yes or no." 

Nancy looked at me. I looked back blank. 

"Look," said Nancy, "can Kyle and I have a couple of minutes quiet just to sort a couple of things?"

We went outside. Nancy turned on me. "Did last night make any difference?" 

"Yes." 

"So is it still OK with you if Paul screws me?" 

I looked at her. I looked at the barn. I thought of the film and what I thought I could do with it. I thought about losing Nancy when we'd just started. Most of all I tried desperately not to cry again.

"It's not OK, is it?"

I shook my head.

"Are you going to say I can't, then?"

I looked at her. I thought about last night. I though about losing her. 

"Hey, something I need to know..." I said.

"OK?"

"Are we an item?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, was last night just something that happened, or was it the start of something big?"

"That's kind of what I'm asking you."

"Do you want it to be?"

"Do you?"

I nodded, emphatically. "More than anything else."

"More than this film?"

"Way, way more than this film..."

"Then you want me to say no?"

"Hey," I said. I saw where we were getting to. "Hey, no, no. You're free. That's what you said to me yesterday. You're free. You say what you want to say. I'm not saying for you."

And then she had her my arms round me again and kissing me and saying I was brilliant, did I know that? And there was a moment or two when not much happened which advances this story any.

"Kyle," she said, still holding on to me, "do you want to do this film?" 

"Do you mind?"

"It doesn't matter whether I mind, do you want to?"

"Yeah. Yes, I do, but not if it..."

"Hey, I don't know whether it will or won't. I don't know what will happen. This kind of scares me. But I think you should do this, for yourself. I think you have to make those storyboards come to life."

We went back in, and Mrs Price asked Nancy again, well? 

"OK, well, it is 'well', whether you like it or not. That's the way it's got to be. I think this whole thing is really emotionally explosive and I think there are some people here who aren't as emotionally strong as they need to be, and if I think me being in is going to do real damage to anyone else then I'm out, and if that isn't good enough for you just say so now. But if it is good enough for you then I'm in, OK?"

Suddenly Mrs Price smiled and held out a hand to Nancy, which Nancy shook. 

"I think that's a really adult and mature attitude. It'll do for me."

"OK, well, there is one more thing. I'm in on this because I want Kyle to be able to do his shot, and because I want to see his shot, but I'm not in on this to get used by any wannabe Casanova. I'll do the scene and I'll do extra takes if Kyle or Mrs Price says so. But I'm not going to do any extra sex scenes and I'm not going to do any undress rehearsals, OK? Any rehearsals I keep my jeans zipped. And, yeah. And when we do the scene we use rubbers, even if Kyle complains they spoil his shot. OK?"

"OK by me. Paul?" 

Paul nodded. He was grinning in a way I found kind of hurt me in the stomach.

"Gretchen?"

Lill (yeah, Gretchen is her real name) was looking at me, and it seemed like she was angry with me. She nodded too.

"Kyle?"

Mrs Price was looking at me. Everyone was looking at me. I didn't know whether it was OK with me. I felt scared and confused and totally out of my depth. I shrugged. Mrs Price looked at me hard, like she was anxious about something.

"OK, then, we're in. We're here to plan the sex scenes that we're proposing to shoot to splice into the movie we're making at school. We all know that if anything leaks out about this I'll get sacked and you'll all get expelled and that's the end of it. Alright so far?"

No-one dissented.

"Right. We've got two female leads signed up, and the cast calls for five. Who else is in?"

No-one said anything.

"Paul, who have you asked?"

"Well, hey, look, you said yourself that secrecy was really important, and you know how the girls gossip runs in the school. Anyway, I thought you said to Kyle that if he signed up Nancy you'd make sure it happened..."

Horrified, I looked at Nancy. She was looking at Paul. She was looking kind of amused, in a not very sympathetic kind of way. Kind of, like, she was really enjoying watching him squirm.

"Look Paul," said Mrs Price, "I'm with Nancy in this. I'm in this because Kyle sold it to me, because Kyle persuaded me it was worth taking a risk on. You haven't persuaded me of anything yet. Yes, I know you wrote most of the script. I've told you it's a good script. But it's Kyle who has persuaded me it's a film worth making. He's the person who seems to me to have put himself on the line for this, risked things he really cares about, got himself hurt. And you're just sweetly proposing that you just walk in and get to screw the people he's lined up for you. I just don't think that's creditable behaviour. Gretchen?"

"Yes?"

"Who have you asked?"

Gretchen looked even whiter than she usually tries to and sort of muttered "nobody."

"Look, that just isn't good enough. This is as much your movie as anyone else's. You're the one who wrote the plot. You've encouraged Kyle to persuade Nancy and I to put our dignity and our bodies on the screen for people to gawp at..."

"Hey, hang on," said Nancy. "You and me? There's just two of us and it's you and me? No, sorry, Lill, that isn't on. That isn't any ways on. You're in. You get screwed on camera or none of us do."

"But, look..." said Lill...

"Hey, hey," I interjected. "We've all of us got stuff we can't do. You can't just blackmail people into doing this kind of stuff..."

Nancy and Mrs Price both turned on me and I just sort of cowered under the onslaught. But it still didn't seem OK to me.

"No, look, I'm sorry. I'm, like, sorry to both of you. If I've got you into something that isn't cool and you don't want to handle then I apologise. But we can't do it like this. It's like Nancy said, like too dangerous. If we're not all in then look let's just drop it, OK?"

"Look, Kyle, Nancy and I are here because you've persuaded us. If it's cool with you that we who aren't your friends should be talked into doing porn but someone who's in the project doesn't have to just because she is your friend, then I don't think that's treating us with any sort of respect. What I think you have to do now is I think you have to talk to Gretchen. And when you've done that we'll all see where we are."

I got up and walked towards the door. I looked back. Lill got up and followed me.

"You fucked the bottle blond bimbo, didn't you?"

"Hey, what? What's this about?"

"You fucked her!"

"Yeah, OK, maybe I did. What's that got to do with..."

"So she's fucking good enough and I'm not?"

"Hey, she wanted me..."

"So hey, look, what do you think I've been doing mooning around your fucking office all term?"

"What?! Hey, no, you didn't ... no!"

"So now you've got your little fuck-puppy to play in your movie, and you want me to..."

"Hey no. Fuck, no. No fucking way. This is not my movie. This is your movie and Paul's movie. I'm only doing anything in it to support you. To support my friends. Hey, look, I wasn't even fucking there when you wrote it. I went and presented it to the class because you asked me to. I'm not in this thing for myself. So if you don't want to do your movie, that's cool. That's like, completely cool. But don't hang that on me, because it's not my shit, OK?"

I went back in and sat down, and it seemed like it was just sort of an accident that I sat down between Mrs Price and Nancy, though I guess a psychologist would say it wasn't. Nancy squeezed my hand. I don't know if anyone saw, but I was well comforted.

After a couple of moments Lillith came back in. She'd been crying.

"OK," she said. "I'm really not completely cool with this. And I think we maybe all need to think about whether we actually want to do this. But if everybody else is still in, my stake is like this. Either I'll talk two other chicks into doing it or I'll do it. Is that OK?"

Nobody said it wasn't.

"Ball's back to you, Paul," said Mrs Price. "Where's your stake?" 



PornStar Ch. 04



Darrin spent a good thirty minutes talking to Sly and was surprised and grateful to find that he had such a friend all this time. He felt so much better that instead of calling Spencer, he thought he'd surprise him by stopping by. Maybe Sly was right. He should talk to people and get out more. And he'd start with Spencer. If he only turned out to be a fuck buddy, oh, well. At least it was human contact. He smoothed his hair down and knocked.

A strange man came to the door, his hair wet from a shower and a towel wrapped around his waist. "Can I help you?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm looking for Spencer."

The man smirked, striking a pose. "He's indisposed right now."

"What's that mean?"

"Darrin!" Spencer appeared behind the man, his hair disheveled and his lips swollen as if he'd been kissed several times. "I thought you were going to call."

"What, and miss the party?" Otto replied cynically.

"Darrin, please!"

"Forget it, Spence. Enjoy the rest of your life."

"Darrin!" Scot grabbed Spencer around the waist to prevent him from following Darrin but Spencer wrenched out of his grasp, running down the hallway. He caught Darrin at the elevator, pacing back and forth as he waited. "Darrin, please. Let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain, bro. You yourself said that you weren't looking for a relationship. No harm, no foul."

Spencer stood in the stony silence, chilled by Darrin's words. "But maybe I was wrong."

"Naw, you weren't wrong." The bell rang, announcing the elevator's arrival. "Thanks for saving me the heartache."

The doors closed and Spencer just stood there, staring at them, unable to move. Why didn't he say no? Why didn't he just tell Scot to take a hike? And why did it matter so much to him? The kiss. You know that's why. His kiss touched part of your cynical little heart. Gritting his teeth, he turned and marched back to his room, snarling at a grinning Scot. "Get the fuck out."

"What?"

"I said, get the fuck out and don't come back."

"Oh, Spencer. You're not serious, are you? Not after I just spent the last two hours fucking you so hard that your teeth clicked together. Not to mention how many times you came."

"GET. THE. FUCK. OUT!"

Scot yanked his pants on and grabbed his shirt, backing Spencer against the wall again. His searching hand fumbled under Spencer's robe to find his cock, giving it a squeeze. "Are you sure?"

Spencer gently pried his fingers off of him, slid aside and opened the door. "Don't ever contact me again."

The door shut quietly.

* * * * *

The blaring music was the first thing that brought Spencer's sleepy senses awake and he allowed himself to be ushered into the club, a laughing Mickie pushing him from behind.

"Come on, Spence! Wake the fuck up!"

He'd had too many cocktails at the reunion party and he wasn't really up to this now. He had been an hour ago, when the excitement of seeing old friends and rubbing his success in their faces had fired his veins. Now, with Mickie Mathews, the world was rapidly dulling, the edges rounding and spilling over, punctuated by her laughter. "I think I ought to go home, Mickie."

"No fucking way!" She maneuvered him toward an empty table and beckoned a waiter over to take their orders. "I didn't just pay fifty bucks to get into the NightClub School for nothing."

"I'll pay you back. Just take me home."

"Nope. Here. Drink this." She shoved a glass into his hand and pushed a pill into his mouth. "Swallow this. It'll perk you up."

Spencer did as she said and drank most of the drink, waiting for the pill to work. And work it did. Within minutes, new energy was coursing through him and he came to life with slightly blurred eyesight, slurred words and a wicked high that left him floating inches off the floor. "Thanks. I needed that."

"I bet you did." Mickie winked, her eyes roaming across the sea of half-naked bodies, smiling as the heavens opened up and chunks of foam came cascading down. "I'm going to dance. Join me?"

"In a minute." He sat back, giving her a saucy grin as she doffed her shirt and went running into the soapy mess. Within minutes, she was embraced by another half-naked woman and was French-kissing her seconds later. Spencer threw his head back and laughed. Mickie was such a free spirit. It was hard to believe that Darrin was her brother. Passionate and reserved. Yes. That kiss. He could still feel Darrin's lips on his, strong fingers in his hair. Why was it that he couldn't get a simple kiss out of his mind? Why did it make his cock harden to granite-like proportions? And worst of all, why did he suddenly wish that he'd never met Scot Sampson?

The music changed, slowing to a deep throb and a plethora of multi-colored bubbles began to drift around the dance floor, just as he appeared. A well-muscled man wearing a Batman-like mask stepped onto a raised platform, high above the dancers and a collective sigh of awe swept the floor as he ripped his shirt off, revealing a chiseled chest. God, was he hot! The dancer began to gyrate to the music, his oiled torso twisting and undulating to the music while his hips ground against an invisible lover.

A crowd collected below the elevated stage, encouraging him with shouts as he pulled the zipper down on his frayed blue jeans and shoved his hand inside. When he threw his head back, the cowboy hat slid off, revealing spiked blond hair and Spencer gasped. Darrin? He moved slowly, clearly enjoying the hand job he was giving himself, his features displaying the wanton enjoyment. The denim jeans were the next to go, sliding down around his ankles and remaining there when he turned his back to the audience, displaying his taut ass.

Spencer glanced down, finding Mickie who was hollering in concert with the others, then returned his gaze upon the stage, watching him kick the pants away, then turn, displaying a sizable lump in the shiny thong. "TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!" He ignored the crowd's chant, opting to continue to please himself, alternately drawing his hands across his nipples, then down over his erect cock. Spencer felt himself hypnotized by the dancer's movements, his fresh drink untouched as the man moved to the beat. "TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!"

He did. The thong came down and a long, thick cock sprang into the floodlight. The music disappeared behind a raucous cheer, gaining volume as he resumed his dance, his prick bobbing deliciously between his thick thighs. Spencer forgot to breathe when he turned to the stanchion, treating it like a partner and pumping it slow, then fast, then deep. The song ended and the lights silhouetted him just as ropes of cum shot out, arcing and landing at the base of the pole.

The floodlight was extinguished and the crowd roared. Spencer sat mesmerized, his own cock throbbing in response. It was Darrin. It had to be. And he had to find him and apologize.

* * * * *

"Thanks, Alfie. See you Tuesday."

Darrin pocketed the money, pulled his hood on and slipped out the back entrance, happy that dance had gone well and that it was over. Alf was usually good about these things, allowing Darrin to retain his anonymity while earning a bit of side scratch and the bouncers always kept the back entrance clear of overzealous 'fans'. It was for that singular boon that he always came back to Alf's; that and the fact that Alf always paid under the table in cash.

"Hi, Darrin." Darrin whirled around to see Spencer emerging from the shadows and proceeded to continue to walk to his car. "Darrin, please let me explain."

"I told you that there was nothing to explain. Now if you'll excuse me ... "

"No. I don't want to excuse you. I don't want to excuse me, either." Spencer walked closer to Darrin, flashes of his performance cascading through his mind. "I was a bad boy and I want you to punish me."

"What?"

It took a few minutes to tell Darrin about his storied past with Sampson. "So you see, I need to be punished."

"There's a whole club full of people that would enjoy fulfilling that dream."

"I don't want them." He moved even closer, his senses tingling at the combined scent of sweat and musk that Darrin's body exuded. "I want you."

Darrin looked down into Spencer's eyes. "A lot of people want me." He closed the car door and backed the slightly shorter man up against the side of the car, using his size and charisma to intimidate him. "What makes you think you qualify?"

"This." Spencer was surprised himself when he grabbed Darrin's head and brought his lips down to his. His mouth opened quickly, Darrin's tongue commanding control as it curled around Spencer's. Spencer's fingers moved through Darrin's spiky hair and down his neck to his broad shoulders, spreading out across the thick muscles. His entire body shook with want as one of Darrin's hands cupped the back of his head while the other snaked around to the small of his back and brought their bodies closer, hips grinding together. 

When Darrin broke the kiss, he just stood there, staring at Spencer and wondering why the hell his insides were twisted up from just one kiss. It was just a kiss, wasn't it?

"Spencer ... "

"Please, Darrin." Spencer whispered against his mouth. "Take me home and fuck the living daylights out of me. Use me, spank me, abuse me but please, take me home with you. I don't think I can stand another minute without having you inside me."

Darrin took his mouth again, pushing his tongue in and grinding against Spencer until the man moaned into his mouth. "It would be so easy to take you, Spencer." Otto stepped back, releasing the confused younger man. "But you'll have to work for it."

Darrin slid into his car and gunned the engine, making the tires slide in the gravel and left a drunken Spencer in his dust. 

* * * * *

Getting angry at Spencer did nothing to clear Darrin's head; in fact, it made things worse. He should have taken Spencer to bed, shouldn't he? After all, Spencer wasn't interested in getting involved and it would be just sex ... wouldn't it? Darrin pounded his fist on the steering wheel, hating himself for getting emotional. Otto would never do this. Otto would have gladly fucked Spencer in the parking lot. And left with a smirk. But not Darrin. No, Darrin's heart was tied to his prick. He couldn't fuck anyone without wanting a relationship. God, I'm so lonely.

He hadn't realized where he was until he came to. On automatic pilot, he had driven himself to the bridge and got out of his car, once again drawn to the rhythmic lullaby of the water. He had promised Sly but it was so near. So easy. The pain could be gone. The loneliness could be gone. And most importantly, Otto could be gone.

Darrin gripped the rail and threw a leg over, awkwardly balancing as he tugged his other leg over. The night was cool and clear and he smiled through his tears, happy to know that the stars would be a witness to his death. He had always loved the stars when he was a boy. He was always convinced that when people died, they became stars. Perhaps he would become one, too.

Goodbye, Mickie. Of all people, she would understand his suicide. She had been supportive of him all these years and would understand. He left the outer railing and stepped over onto the girder, swaying with the force of the wind. Just a few steps more ... Spencer appeared in this thoughts, his easy smile warm and the touch of his lips ... so soft, so gentle and the look in his eyes tonight. No, don't think about it. There was no turning back now.

His eyes blurred with tears, Darrin took a deep breath and stepped off the girder... into nothing.



Pornstar Ch. 04



Pornstar Ch 04: Being an Item

We walked up the hill through the wood. Nancy wanted to hold my hand, which was cool with me. For a long while we didn't talk, and that was OK too. At one point I slipped on a tree-root and caught my ribs, and just doubled up, gasping. Nancy knelt down and held me. After a couple of moments it was a bit better and I straightened up and leant on a tree trunk and apologised for being a wimp, and Nancy just came up and put her hands on my shoulders. She had her head on one side, looking at me kind of quizzically. I put my hands on her waist. She moved a little closer. I went to kiss her, but she evaded me, so I just stood looking at her looking at me.

"Hey, you know, I really like it the way you aren't in a hurry..."

"Hey, what?"

"Well, you know, guys mostly push and grab and grope, and ... and I like it that you don't."

"Hey, it isn't that I don't want to..."

"What do you want to do?"

"You know what I want to do."

"OK, not yet. I need to think about it some more. What else would you like to do?"

"Hey, well... anything but?"

"Anything but."

"I want to make you come... like, really come, like last night, only here in the daylight so I can see."

She blushed.

"Hey, you, you're really special, do you know that?"

She kissed me with a good deal of care and concentration.

"I wish you hadn't got your lip bust..."

"Yes, I know, dead careless of me... why?"

"I want to kiss you a lot harder than that..."

We just held each other for a bit, which felt just, like, so peaceful. 

After a bit I said "about that orgasm..?" 

She pulled back and looked at me and suddenly something about the way she was looking made me say "Hey! Hey, don't cry!" And then she did and I just held her because I didn't know what else to do. 

Then suddenly she was talking and it was all about her family and the church and her father and having to be perfect all the time and this viginity pledge thing and about hypocrisy and it was all sort of stream of consciousness stuff and there was something in there particularly about her father and the cow pie man and hypocrisy and being perfect that was like intensely painful, intensely bitter. And I realised that there was more to Nancy - like much more to Nancy - than the cool, graceful, polished surface that she showed in school. And I felt, like, sort of obscurely honoured to be hearing all this stuff, as if this was a much more profound intimacy than having sex in my bed. Which I guess it was. And I felt warm and protective and sort of oddly strong, as if all the pain in my life had sort of trained me up and prepared me to carry hers.

I heard about her mother being drunk insensible most nights, but hey, that was OK because nobody knew, and sometimes her father hit her mother, but that was OK too because nobody knew, and how Dan was OK and approved as her boyfriend because he was a jock and went to the same church and his father was in the same clubs and because he was in the same viginity pledge thing that she'd had to sign up to when she was like twelve but also like and perhaps this most of all because he was rich and like the money was old money and how her father used to take him to see ball games and they'd get drunk and come back and then Dan would make her go down on him but that was OK too because it wasn't sex so she was still technically a virgin and he was still technically a virgin but he wouldn't touch her or anything because that was dirty.

And there was something in there about her father being in some way - which I didn't really get - implicated in Dan making her go down on him, and that was really painful. And there was a lot in there about her appearance, about always having to be on show and groomed and stuff which really surprised me because I'd always admired her beautiful clothes and the way she looked so cool, and mixed in with this was some really painful stuff about her breasts being too small and having to wear a padded bra all the time and about how her father was going to give her implants for Christmas and I sort of burst in and said hey, no, no, they're perfect and she sat up and looked at me with eyes still full of tears in a way that was blazing intense and full of something that was important but I didn't really understand how.

"Do you really think they're perfect?"

"Everything about you is perfect."

"Would I still be perfect if my hair was just mousy brown?"

Bottle blond; bottle blond, perfect, padded bra. I made a guess. I knew it was important...

"Your hair is brown. I know about the dye."

"Would I still be your perfect golden girl if I didn't dye it?"

"Hey! Hey, Nancy, it isn't what's outside that's golden. It's what's inside. It's what shines out of you..."

"Even now you know about all this mess and crap and shit that's bottled up inside?"

"Even more now because I know about the mess. Because you can rise over the mess and still be golden. Hey, I know about mess. The mess in my life is just a whole lot more public, everyone knows about my mess."

There was silence for a while. We just looked at each other. Then she suddenly said "you know what? We're an item," and we hugged, and then she got up.

"Come on, I want to walk a bit more."

We walked, and she held my hand again, and it felt good. She said "hey, you know what all this has been about?"

"Like, this afternoon?"

"Yes..."

"Do you want to tell me?"

"There's this church thing I've got to go to tomorrow, and the minister will be droning on about this virginity pledge thing..."

I made to interject, but she stopped me...

"... and saying about how Dan and me are these exemplary young people, and I wish I had the courage to stand up and say no we're not and I'm not going out with him any more and I'm not a virgin and..."

"Are you sorry?"

She turned and faced me, hands on my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes.

"About last night? No, I'm very glad. I'm very glad. The more time I spend with you the gladder I am. You're, like, so different from the people I'm used to and so different from what I thought you were and you're just... so real. I'm, like, glad I did it and glad I'm did it with you, and I'm going to do it with you for as long as... Hey, I wish I had more courage."

The air suddenly seemed to collapse out of her baloon, all her gladness just collapsed.

"What do you mean?"

She brushed distractedly at some lichen stain on the sleeve of her jacket.

"I'm not going to stand up in church tomorrow and say I'm not a virgin, but that's not really the thing, because that would be a big dramatic thing and anybody might be scared about that... but sometime soon I'm going to have to tell my family that I'm going with you or they're going to hear that I'm going with you and there is going to be this unholy row. And it's better if I tell them because it'll be even worse if they just hear but like... I'm so scared... Hey, we're an item and I'm telling you we're an item and I mean it and pretty soon it'll come out anyway and I want us to be able to go around together everywhere but like... like would you dreadfully mind..."

"Secret for now?"

"Please.. if that's OK... I'm sorry to be such a..."

"It's OK."

She hugged me again, and I had to ease her arm off my ribs. After a moment she broke away.

"Hey, it's getting late, I'll have to be going back soon. Do you think there's much risk of anyone coming up here?"

"Why?"

"I want to have sex with you like properly before I go home... I've brought rubbers," she said, pulling a pack out of her pocket.

"Snap," I said, doing the same.

-----

That next week was like weird all ways. I'll have to skip though some of this real briefly, because it kind of isn't part of the story. But it kind of is too, and it's also kind of funny.

Sunday it's kind of a family tradition that I go over to my father's for the evening meal if Mom's working, which she was. And it's been kind of like traditional for a couple of years now for Dad to ask me whether I'd got a girfriend yet. And of course I couldn't tell him, so I sort of didn't answer, which was what I usually did anyway... and then after the meal he took me out the back to see the latest gizmo he'd got on his pickup, and said real serious about if I was gay that was OK by him and I was still his son and how if I wanted to bring a boyfriend round that was OK too and I just started laughing and he wanted to know why and of course I couldn't tell him and he said well, it's OK, you're still my son. Which kind of felt good in a way.

Monday Nancy looked past me at school like I wasn't there. She didn't look happy at all and I wanted to go over to her but I got the signals that she really didn't want me to. And that did not feel good. Then sometime Mandy came up to me in the corridor and said congratulations. I hadn't yet got the thing between Nancy and Mandy because they didn't like hang in the same group at school, but I knew that it was at Mandy's house that Nancy was supposed to have stayed on Friday night when she'd been with me. Mandy said was it OK for Nancy to come over to my place that evening sort of like seven and I said I didn't finish work till seven and could she make it half past... And then kind of like inspiration I said what was Nancy's bra size and Mandy said with the falsies or without? and I said without.

Then after school I went and did something which was nearly as hard as talking to Nancy in the first place - I went into this classy women's underthings place down in the mall (and the woman there was actually quite friendly and helpful when I explained what the problem was) and got her this tiny little simple vest and panties set in plain white silk which cost most of the money I'd been saving up for a new camera and when I gave them to her that evening and she unwrapped them she was like totally blown away but also I could see that as well as being pleased she understood all of the different layers of stuff I'd been trying to do with the present which kind of like felt like playing chess with someone who's exactly as good as you only better. And then we went the whole way on the living room carpet with the light on and it was - no messing - good and I saw that her face when she came was just exactly the way I'd imagined it would be.

Tuesday Nancy was waiting for me outside the school gate and she was all puffy from crying and she pulled me into a clinch right there in the gateway and kissed me in front of everyone and my face was sufficiently better by then that we could do it properly and I could feel she had the vest on under her blouse but no bra. And then she didn't let go of my hand all day except to go into class and people's reactions were interesting. We went into the paper office to pick up some drawings and the atmosphere in there was like Siberia which hurt a bit. And then we saw the cow pie man coming towards us in one of the corridors and he just about turned and went the other way. And it was kind of like obvious that some of the Bibbie crowd were sniggering about us which I could see hurt Nancy but it only made her make even more of a show of being my girl. But several people came up and congratulated us which felt, like, amazing and then Mrs Price saw us in a corridor and said, like, "did I do this?" and I said sort of yes and she said she was amazed but really pleased for both of us and that felt great.

Wednesday sort of nothing happened. I mean, nothing that dramatic. Stuff about getting stuff organised for the official movie was happening and we were both involved with that, and also we snuck away at lunchtime and had sex standing up in the back of the school theatre props room which felt totally wicked and amazing, and after school we went down to the store where Mom works and Nancy introduced herself and I honestly think Mom wasn't sure she wasn't hallucinating, only a good hallucination.

Thursday Lill was sitting around the place looking stunned and dreadful - it wasn't like she was crying it was much worse than that. Then sometime around the end of the morning Mandy came up to us and said that Paul had been going around telling people about screwing Lill and like saying how she wasn't much good but she'd do like totally anything. And that seemed to mean something to Nancy and Mandy which I didn't quite get. And then we went into lunch and Lill was sitting by herself and we just went and sat one either side of her and hugged her and like we didn't actually say anything but the rest of the day we went round in a bunch and Mandy joined in and that kind of felt good too and that evening after I'd finished work we went and saw a movie the four of us and Lill suddenly said to Mandy about the sex scene stuff and Mandy said like yeah she knew and Lill said would she do it and Mandy said like Paul is the stud and we said yeah sort of dubiously and Mandy said "I'd like that" sort of wolfishly so you could see there was something complex there as well but at that point I didn't much care.

Friday nothing much happened to report.

Saturday we had the second meeting up at the barn which I'll come to in a minute but from the point of view of what was happening in people's lives Nancy was officially staying at Mandy's which meant she was staying with me and what was surprising was that Mom was completely cool about us sleeping together and offered us her bed which we didn't accept but the offer was nice. 

Sunday Mom made us breakfast in bed, and we didn't actually get any clothes on until about lunchtime. Then I phoned my father - I'd told Nancy about the gay thing which amused her greatly - and asked him if I could bring a friend over that afternoon, like carefully not saying anything about gender. And Dad said yes of course and you could like hear him girding up his loins and then we went up onto Prospect Hill with a video camera and a tripod and did some test shots for the movie and went to Dad's and his face was really funny but he was really pleased and his wife and the kids were nice to Nancy, too, which was a bit of a relief. Then we went back to Mom's (Mom was working) and watched the video and were both of us blown away by the shots of Nancy's face when she was coming just like I'd thought it would be, and also Nancy agreed that her breasts were, actually, just fine, and then of course we had to have sex again and it was like fierce so that we found out that my ribs were mending but they weren't completely mended yet; but we found we liked it fierce and Nancy really liked it fierce and we went to bed tired and a bit sore and very happy. And Monday we went back to school and Nancy went home and that was the end of a very weird week but also a very good one.



PornStar Ch. 05



The first thing he felt was the pain. Razor-like spikes of pain that radiated from the huge knot on the back of his head and connected with various other injuries on his body. He swallowed but his throat felt like it stuck together and his tongue was a dry wooden plank in his mouth. A voice boomed in his ear.

"Mickie! He's awake!"

Shut the fuck up! He wanted to scream. His head throbbed like a stubbed toe and the sudden loud noise had made him jerk. Soft fingertips connected with his cheek and his focus turned to them, concentrating on the texture. They were replaced by a pair of firm lips that gently touched several places on his face. Wincing, he forced his eyelids open, he blinked repeatedly, waiting for his sight to clear and for his pupils to adjust to the light.

"You stupid son-of-a-bitch!"

Darrin threw his arms over his head, hoping that the action would keep the sound from reaching him. "Please don't yell."

"You're lucky that I don't beat the shit out of you!" Mickie yanked his arm down, peering into his bruised face. "What the fuck did you think you were doing? How the fuck could you try to kill yourself?"

"Easy. I jumped off the bridge."

"You piece of shit!" Mickie punched him hard in the arm and went running off, sobbing loudly. Darrin heard a door slam and covered his face with his hands.

"She's right, you know." 

Darrin slowly sat up, not realizing that someone else was in the room. Spencer came from around the island, a mug in his hand that he offered to Darrin. As he took the cup, he noticed that Spencer had a cast on his left arm and that his right eye had been blackened. "What happened to you?"

"I rescued your dumb ass, that's what happened!" Spencer spat, sitting in a chair opposite the couch where Darrin was lying. "I broke my arm trying to pull you out of the water."

Darrin stared at the young man, despair curling in his gut. "I didn't know."

"You're so fucking selfish, Darrin. Did you even bother to consider Mickie's feelings? How she would have to be the one to identify your body at the morgue? I suppose that didn't cross your mind."

The blond stared into the cup of hot cocoa, his mind tortured and even more confused than before he made the attempt. "No, I didn't."

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Darrin? What happened to the guy I met a few days ago? Last night, it was as if I didn't even know you."

You don't, not really. "Spence, it's been so long ... "

"Don't give me that 'so long' bullshit! You were a different person. You were a different person!"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean! Prostitutes do the same thing when they're with johns. They become a different person so you don't really know who they are and you can't touch what's inside them. You were the same way last night." Spencer glared at him, wincing as he shifted his arm and bringing Darrin's attention to his injury. "You're such a conundrum, Darrin. You're sweet and shy one minute, then you're the most arrogant asshole I've ever met the next. Are you schizophrenic?"

"Not that I know of." Darrin avoided Spencer's eyes, focusing on the contents of his cup. "Might be a help."

"What's going on, Dare?" The touch of Spencer's fingers against his temple was like a balm to his inner wounds and he closed his eyes. "Tell me in. Let me help you."

Spencer's lips were soft, pressing against his with the care and concern of a worried parent. Darrin moaned and pulled Spencer's mouth down, crushing their lips together. He didn't want the passivity of someone who cared for him right now; he was looking for passion, raw, unadulterated passion that made him want to cum in his pants. When he pulled back and saw the emotion in Spencer's eyes, he knew that it wasn't what he wanted. He suddenly knew what he needed. He needed Spencer.

"Spencer," He whispered against his lips. "I don't know where to begin."

"Start wherever you're most comfortable." Spencer's heart leapt in his chest. The most beautiful man he'd ever seen was not only interested in him, but wanted to open himself to him. He saw the look in his eyes and touched his cheek. "Don't be worried about what I think. Just tell me."

Darrin's innards quivered and his mouth grew dry as he looked at his friend. Where the fuck do I start?



Pornstar Ch. 05



Chapter 05: Undress Rehearsal

OK, flashy-backy. Saturday's meeting.

Mandy and Lill and Nancy and me went up in a bunch and then Mrs Price turned up and we kind of wondered whether Paul would show and when he did it was as if he didn't realise that we were pretty much all pretty pissed off with him. The meeting started with a scrap mostly between Paul and Lill about stake, because Lill had brought Mandy - which you could see Paul wasn't pleased about - and Paul hadn't brought anyone. He said he'd signed up Jenny, but we none of us believed him (and Jenny never showed up to a Saturday session, so it probably wasn't true). 

Then there was a scrap between Paul and pretty much everyone else about who was going to get to own the final tape and what was going to happen to it because it turned out Paul was calmly assuming it would be his and he'd sell it and keep the money. And we all said no way that was on, and Mrs Price said that she would keep all the tapes and she and I would do the editing at her house and then everybody who'd been in on the filming would get to see a screening and then we'd discuss what to do with it, but everyone whose face was identifiable in a sex scene would have a complete veto and if anyone used their veto then she would personally destroy all the material and was that OK? And we all agreed it was except Paul who was obviously pissed off.

Then Lill asked if we really actually wanted to do the porn stuff. To my surprise Nancy came in first saying very positively yes she really did, and then I said well, I wanted to do these extra scenes and I wanted them to be erotic and if that was porn then I was cool with it but I kind of hoped it was going to be sort of a bit better than just porn. And then Lill said if we were in she was in. And Mandy said she was in 'cause she wanted to see what would happen, and she'd go though with it. And Paul said yes of course he was in, wasn't it his idea in the first place...

And then I said "What about you, Mrs Price?"

"Well, partly I want to see what you lot can do, and partly I would kind of like to make a good one for once, and I think this could be it."

"Like," said Mandy, "you've done them before?"

Mrs Price sort of grinned and blushed.

"I think you've all seen me."

We kind of all stared at her.

"You remember that one on the motor yacht that's been kicking round the school this term? Where the girl on the wind surfer gets kidnapped and raped? That girl was me."

"Eeewwwww..." said Nancy. "That looked nasty. Was that all at once thing like... for real?"

"Yeah, that one was nasty. They were a nasty bunch of people and I never did another film with them. But yes, one in my cunt, one in my butt and one in my mouth..."

There was like this cognitive dissonance thing going on for me listening to a teacher saying this stuff, but the girls seemed to be getting something different out of it, like more empathetic. Lill and Nancy both visibly squirmed, like they could sort of feel it, and Mandy looked - I don't know - kind of intrigued.

"Christ!" said Mandy. "I didn't know you could really do that. I thought it was faked. What does it feel like?"

"Well, that time it was awful. But there was another film later where I did a two in one, like one in my cunt and one in my butt, where there was this female director who got me all pampered up and massaged and lubed and stuff before the scene, and that was actually this really amazing sensation. Really full and tight and sort of liquidy and all this movement and sensation going on. You'd be surprised what you can do when you try..."

"Hey," said Paul, "maybe we could..."

and we all kind of turned on him and said No.

Lill said why did you do it? and Mrs Price said she'd done six, and they'd paid for her last year at college, and she'd mostly enjoyed them except the one we'd seen, but she wasn't ashamed even of that one.

After that she said we really need to get ahead with workshopping the sex scenes. Mrs Price started us off with the witch queen scene, which she was going to do. And, which I didn't expect at all, she asked Mandy to go outside and stand lookout, and then she just peeled off like it was the most natural thing. Paul sort of blanched and said should he get his kit off too and she said no way, not at this stage.

And then she turned to me. "OK, this scene is supposed to take place in the prison, but will you actually have room to shoot it in there or do we dummy up somewhere else to look like it's in the prison?" I said let's try it and we opened up the gate full wide and Mrs Price and Paul went in there and Paul said, OK, how do we do this?

Lill had the script and read through the direction for the scene (which wasn't much - there was no dialogue) and Mrs Price asked to see the storyboard and she was standing beside me looking at the storyboard just like naked and I wasn't completely cool with it.

"This bit where I do the incantation and he comes erect, how are we going to do that? Can you do an effects shot that doesn't look completely cheap and naff?"

I said I didn't know because I'd never done anything like that before but the best we could do is like shoot it and see, like we'd do one shot from his viewpoint to her where she's doing the incantation thing and then we do two shots from her viewpoint to him, one where he's soft and one where he's erect and then we cut them together. Then we maybe do some post production to put some light effect in but if that didn't work then we'd just have to go with the cut and like imply the magic.

Then she said that I hadn't done a storyboard for the actual fuck (she said 'fuck' just like it was a normal word), and I said I hadn't because I wasn't sure how it would work, because her character had to be in control and I didn't know how to do that. She said, OK, they'd workshop it and I should work out my camera angles and if I wanted them to hold position while I made a sketch just say.

Then she said "OK, I come in through the door. You, Paul are lying on the floor - Kyle, which way is it best to have him facing?"

"He ought to be facing the doorway really, so that you come in and it's immediately a confrontation. Like you don't want to have to sort of have to walk round him..."

"OK, put him where you want him."

We'd kind of done this sort of thing before in school plays, although it had never been me putting people in their place, but it was just Paul and he had clothes on and I just did it.

"OK, where am I?"

I dithered about where she was being OK...

"Look, Kyle, it isn't about being OK, it's about being right. It's you who is framing the shot. It's OK to touch me and push me about because you need to get it right, and it's OK to look at me and it's OK to be turned on because if this doesn't turn you on you can't turn people on and we're wasting our time, OK?"

I would have dithered some more but Nancy came up behind me and took one of my wrists in each hand and physically put my hands on Mrs Price's shoulders. Her skin wasn't like peachy like Nancy's but it was firm and taut and not what I'd expected. Her breasts were sort of round and like didn't seem to hang but just sat there and I guessed they were enhanced (which I later found out was right) and they didn't get to me like Nancy's but like the totality of her got to me enough. She was, like, actually hot and I wasn't used to thinking about a teacher that way.

However I got my act together a bit and worked out the camera angles for the incantation shots and took a couple of quick shots with the vid camera so I could do storyboards later. Then Mrs Price said ok, this is what I think happens next, and she sort of walked forward till she she had one foot on either side of Paul's waist and then she squatted down, said ok, I'm putting his cock in me now, and mimed doing it with her hand between her legs, and then she sort of pumped herself slowly with her legs, so she'd rise up three or four inches and then drop down on him again, really slowly. She did about three strokes and then stood up again.

"OK, that's quite hard work for me and we might have to take a couple of takes to get long enough but does it work for you guys?"

Nancy looked at me. I looked at Nancy. I could see what she was thinking - this was one we hadn't even known you could try, and it looked like something we wanted to do. Nancy nodded. I nodded. 

"OK, lets go for it again. Lill, my costume's pretty much like a coat, open down the front?"

"Will you be wearing it for this scene?"

"Either way, whichever you guys think works best... either that or mask and wig, though - I really do not want to be identifiable. Bring my coat over, will you?"

She shrugged into it and squatted down over Paul again.

"OK, Kyle, does that work?"

Well it didn't work from the back of course. I squeezed in between them and the end wall.

"No way. There's no room for the camera. Even if there was it would have to be so wide angle it would look stupid."

She got up again.

"OK, what are we going to do?"

"Well, like, we've established you're in the cell with the incantation shot. After that it's just bodies and straw. Could we, like, get you out of the cell to do the sex shot?"

"OK, let's try that."

Paul came out and laid down on some straw in the middle of the barn. He didn't actually look as if he was enjoying this as much as he'd thought. I looked at my sketch and got him into the position he'd been before. I set up my tripod very low about a couple of yards back from his head, looking down the line of his body towards his feet. Mrs Price started to walk forward. Nancy just naturally came and squatted down behind me.

"No," I said, "I think we do the walk in the establishing shot, we start this shot where you're standing astride him..."

She moved into position.

"OK," I said "action."

Mrs Price squatted down and did the business with her hand.

"Hang on," said Nancy, "can you hold there a minute? What's your framing on this, Kyle?"

"Like, from her head down to sort of his navel?"

"Yes, OK, you have to have that shot but could you do one that's basically just a bit more than the length of his cock and we cut between them?"

I twiddled the zoom.

"Like that?"

"OK, yes... Mrs Price, we won't be able to see his cock-head as it's going into you because your wrist's in the way..."

"Show me what you want."

Nancy had Mrs Price get up and then she squatted over Paul (she had jeans on) and had her hand to one side of where his cock would be. She was so cool and - like - professional about it that it didn't feel heavy or threatening or anything, just, like, she was helping me work through getting the framing right.

"How's that, Kyle?"

"OK, I see what you want..."

Mrs Price came round behind me and looked over the camera. Then she and Nancy swapped places again. 

"Is that better?"

"I'm still not sure. I think this one is important... what do you think, Kyle?"

"It's so hard to tell when you're having to imagine the cock..."

"Mrs Price, I know we said no undress rehearsals, but would you awfully mind..."

"I'm OK if Paul's OK and anyone's got rubbers."

"We've got rubbers" Nancy and I chorussed together and then both blushed furiously. After a bit of persuasion Paul shucked his jeans. He was like facing away from us and I could see he wasn't happy and Mrs Price said ok look, no need to get stressed, men usually need fluffing and she just like matter of factly knelt down in front of him and I realised she was sucking him. Then she knelt back and put a rubber on him and he came back over. Nancy and Lill and I exchanged glances. We had a problem I for one hadn't expected at all. Paul got down again and Mrs Price did her bit of business and Nancy and Lill hunkered down behind me to watch.

"OK, good..." some part of me didn't believe it was hearing myself coaching my teacher in fucking my friend. I got up and went over and took her wrist and twisted it a bit further, my knuckles brushing her pubic hair. "Can you do that?" I said. "OK, yes... Nancy, how's that?" "That's great," said Nancy. "That's just great."

"OK," I said, "this has to be like sort of a bit ritual, so can you take it slowly?"

I went round behind the camera again. Lill had taken over working it, so I just hunkered behind her. Nancy squeezed my hand. It felt like I was working on two levels, one where I was doing something serious with a bunch of serious people and doing it quite well, and another where I just couldn't believe what was going on. And I was turned on, too, but somehow that wasn't getting in the way of seeing the picture.

"OK," I said, "that's great, but your eye-line's on him, and it's kind of like too personal..."

"I'll have a mask on."

"Yes, I know, but could you just look straight at the camera?"

"Like this?"

Her hips pumped up and a glistening half-inch of cock was visible below her cunt. It wasn't what the shot needed but I didn't think I could say anything, and no-one else did either. Her hips pumped down again and a shudder ran through Paul. Mrs Price laughed and stood up, leaving a little shrivelled sticky thing behind her. "OK, Paul, you were great. Don't get stressed about it, that's a really difficult thing to do. Get dressed now." She shrugged off her coat and began to get her clothes on again.

"Kyle," she said, "do you mind if we leave the end of that scene to another day?" and I said "no, that's OK," and we all got up and stretched and called Mandy back in, and we watched the bits of tape I'd shot on the little fold-out screen of the camera and had an amazingly serious discussion about them, while carefully not talking about the problem I think we were most of us thinking about. 

On the whole, we thought most of what we'd got would work. We agreed that we'd use the tight-in shot for when she put him into her, and then we'd cut between two different wide shots - one from where we'd been, where we could see everything, and another from over Mrs Price's shoulder - for the fuck, and then a her point of view shot on his face for the orgasm. I storyboarded it with quick sketches and Mrs Price passed around coffee from a flask. Mandy got down in the straw and Nancy squatted over her so I could get the framing for the over-shoulder shot. Paul wasn't saying much, although he'd been eager to see the shots. I think he felt that he was sort of like furniture as far as the rest of us were concerned, and I guess he was just then.

After we'd had a bit of a break Mrs Price said how much time had we left, and we all agreed that we could stay another hour. OK, she said, let's do the hole in the wall. Lill (who was playing the sister) said did she have to get naked, and Mrs Price said no, she wouldn't be naked in the scene, she'd still be in be the party clothes. Mandy got the script and read through the dialogue aloud, and then Paul and Lill workshopped it through a couple of times, and we made a couple of changes to the script. 

Paul and Lill were playing brother and sister; they're imprisoned in adjoining cells and Lill's going to be a virgin sacrifice, and she's trying to persuade Paul to fuck her so that she won't be a virgin and won't get sacrificed and Paul's saying he can't do that because it's incest and Lill's saying he has to otherwise she'll be killed. Mandy, playing Paul's girlfriend is in the cell with Lill supporting her. Mandy's character is not a virgin so won't be sacrificed - in the script there's a flashback scene of Paul and Mandy fucking earlier.

When we started to look at the actual practicalities of the shot we found the hole was actually a bit below a convenient height, but we worked out a posture that Paul could get into so that he could, as it were, fuck the hole. I noted down to bring sandpaper up and make sure there were no splinters anywhere near. And then the thing that had to be said had to be said, and as no-one else had said it I had to.

"Look," I said, "there's actually no way this is going to work as real sex, because the cock just is not going to reach. You'll, like, just about touch each other if you're lucky and there's no way you're going to be able to actually have sex."

"That's OK," I went on, "because we don't actually need you to have sex, we just need to persuade the audience to believe you're having sex. So what I suggest we do is we film Paul humping the wall, and then we get an articifial cock and poke it through the wall and film Lill doing her bit with that, and then what I'm going to do is I'm going to cut the two bits together so that when Paul's pulling out we're on his side of the wall, and when he's pushing in we're on Lill's side of the wall. We run a metronome so we get the timing right, OK? And I think what we'll get will be really funny."

After that things went quite quickly. Nancy got a bit of stick and poked it through the hole so that Lill could get her alignment (no, she kept her skirt and pantyhose on), and Mandy and Lill worked out a bit of business about getting her lined up and stuff which was actually a hoot, and we worked out that at the end of the fuck Paul would just sort of slide down his side of the wall and the girls would fall in a heap in the straw. I quickly sketched a story board showing the framing of all the shots (the batteries on the camera had given out), I gave the tape to Mrs Price, and we all started off down the hill to where the cars were parked. Nancy and Lill and I had come in Mandy's car, and Paul had come in his dad's, so he climbed into his and drove off. Mandy offered Mrs Price a lift with us, and we all got in. Mandy made as if to start the car, and then stopped. She turned round to us.



Pornstar Ch. 06



Chapter 06: The Problem 

"Well," said Mandy, "what did you think of his cock?"

She and Nancy and Lill dissolved into silent hysteria.

"Yes," said Mrs Price, "that was a... surprise. Do you think he doesn't know?"

More giggles.

"Hey," I said, "this isn't a laughing matter. We've got a problem..."

"...Houston..." interjected Nancy. The giggles surged.

"OK, Kyle," said Mrs Price, "what are we going to do about it?"

"Well, look," I said, "just from a graphic point of view, that shot where you're like kind of squatting over him just isn't going to work. I need to be able to see daylight between your bodies and have this glistening column connecting you... and there's no way. If you lift enough for me to see daylight he's just going to fall out."

"So do we get someone else?"

"So the whole school gets to know Paul was dropped from his own porn flick because his dick wasn't big enough?" Mandy had obviously seen this coming.

"Well," I said, "in some ways it's the obvious thing to do, but who's going to tell him?"

There was a silence.

Mrs Price broke it. "More to the point, who would you ask as a stand-in?"

Mandy said "it's who would you trust as a stand-in?"

"Well," said Lill fiercely, "not many of them could be as untrustworthy as Paul."

"Yes, but Paul can't say anything even if we do drop him, because we'd just have to release a clip... you know, most guys our age are no better."

"Kyle is!" said Nancy, kind of protectively.

"Yes," said Mrs Price, "I think he is. But he's doing the camera..."

Lill and I both spoke at once. 

Lill said "I could do the camera."

I said "Look, someone still has to tell Paul, and he will be real sore. Is there anything else we can do with, like, prosthetics?"

Mandy said, "like you're going to tell him his dick's too small and he has to wear a false one?"

I said "I will if I have to. Lill, could we do it?"

Lill said she'd try to think up a way, and that's where we left it.

School life had settled into a different routine, but it was still a routine. Paul didn't hang out in the news office much any more, although he was still officially editor. Instead, Nancy and Mandy hung out in there with Lill and me, and even joined in some of the paper work, writing and laying out. Lill and I also, somehow, got accepted a bit into the Bibbie crowd and were more sort of popular than either of us had ever been before. There was a sort of 'any friend of Nancy's is OK' thing going on which was kind of nice. School was changing, too. Classes had really stopped being meaningful as we got closer to the exams, and mostly we were just revising in the library and the common room and stuff.

Work on the official movie went ahead as well. Someone's father owned the Prospect Hill woods, and we got permission to film there and adapt the barn, and cut down the two trees we needed. On Thursday afternoon we all went up in school time and measured up the stalls, and made drawings for the extension upwards of the walls to make them more cell like. We scouted out a location for the ambush scene, and marked the two trees that would have to come down for the ambush. We workshopped through that scene and a bit of the jailbreak scene, and everyone felt quite up about it.

And that rolled us round to Saturday, and the plotters' meeting in the barn. The cells had been extended upwards with canvas artistically painted so that it reasonably matched the planking. A lock had been put on the door, but that was, in fact, a good thing, since Mrs Price had the key. We had some of the props, now, too. We'd managed to work a bowdlerised version of the torture chamber scene into the official script, so we had stocks and a whip (which pleased Lill greatly). We had the first of the witch masks. We had a number of witches outer robes (black sackcloth and canvas, very grungy) and we had the one special set of witches under-robes, in chiffon and lace and silk, which Lill had made specially at home because they weren't needed in the official script. We also had a prop dick (actually a monumental but very lifelike vibrator that Mrs Price had brought along) for the hole in the wall.

Mrs Price took Paul out, officially as lookout but I assumed to talk to him about the prosthetic. Lill got us started on the torture scene. She started it off by saying she wanted someone to volunteer to get one "like properly hard" blow with the whip on their ass so that she could get to see what a weal actually looked like so she could work out how to do them in makeup. I volunteered but Mandy (who was going to be the witch who'd been supposed to be guarding the cells and was getting punished for having failed to prevent the incest) said no, what was needed was to see what it looked like on her skin so she'd better do it, and said Nancy had better do the whip because all the rest of us would hold back and this wouldn't work unless it really hurt. I said, OK, if we're actually going to do just one for real could we get the tape recorder set up so we get the sound? So Lill and I set up microphones and stuff and then Lill set up a camera so we could see how the weal came up and Mandy skinned off without any fuss and went and leant on the stocks. Lill wanted to lock her in but Mandy wasn't having that for the real one.

Then Mandy said OK, and I said hang on, since we're doing the sound could she try to yell in character, and Mandy said how the fuck did she do that, and Nancy said OK let's do it.

"OK," I said. "Camera, sound, action."

Whizzzz... CRACK!

Nancy wasn't messing when she said she'd do it properly, and Mandy, rather than yelping or screaming or cursing as I'd kind of expected did this series of huge gasps that sort of died away into rapid panting. I put my finger to my lips and tried to keep everyone quiet as Mandy's breathing came gradually back to normal. After a couple of moments I said was she OK quietly and she sort of nodded and Nancy and Lill sort of gathered round keeping out of the way of the camera and touched and felt the swollen pink line that was lifting up out of the gorgeous soft sort of buttery skin of Mandy's backside.

After a bit I said "OK?" and Nancy and Lill said OK and Nancy put some salve on Mandy's ass and Mandy stood up and we stopped the camera and the tape recorder and all gathered round.

"OK, wow," I said. "I thought that was just so powerful..."

Mandy said "yeah," and everybody laughed. Then she said "was it sexy?"

Nancy said "Worked for me". 

I said "More than I expected." 

Lill just nodded silently but emphatically. 

I asked Mandy whether it had been sexy for her and she told me not to be so fucking stupid.

Lill and I started discussing how we could set the scene up and Mandy said no, wait, let her try something. She went a leant on the stocks again. 

"OK, Nancy, you get in position... Kyle, how many decent camera angles can you get on us so none of the cameras can see any of the others and they're all good shots and they don't get in the way of the whip?"

I walked around, carrying the camera, framing shots. "At least five."

Mandy straightened up and came back over. "OK, how many times does the script say I get hit?"

Lill said "it doesn't."

"OK, so how many before it loses impact on the audience?"

"I don't know. Ten? Fifteen?"

"OK, look, I think I can handle two, maybe three of those. I have to get screwed afterwards, don't I?" 

"We could do the fuck before..."

"No, that won't look right because I won't have the weals, and it'll show. No, here's what we do. We get the cameras and the sound set up, like five cameras... have we got five cameras?"

"We can get at least four."

"OK, we get the cameras set up and rolling and Nancy really lays one into me. Then we stop the cameras and Lill does three or four artificial weals across my backside. Then we roll cameras again and Nancy moves round a bit so the angle changes and lays another one into me, and then Lill does some more artwork and then we roll cameras again and Nancy moves round and lays one more. Then you've got twelve different shots of like for real no messing whipping, and then if you film some reaction shots on my face or maybe Paul's face as he's watching it then if you needed to you could cut it to make it seem like twenty strokes. How does that grab you?"

Lill said, "I think that would be like totally amazing."

"OK, well what I want to do now is I want Kyle and Lill to go out, 'cause I don't much want to be watched, and I want Nancy to lube me up like thoroughly and lube the dildo up and then lay two more licks into me as hard as she can and then straight afterwards ram that dildo up me and try to make it hurt. And if I can handle that I'll do it on film."

So Lill and I went out and there was Paul and Mrs Price there, and they said what's going on, and we gave them a sort of short version, and at that point there was a crack that sounded loud through the shut door and we all sort of shut up and listened. There was another crack and this time an audible gasp, and then this yelp which turned into this really injured moan, and Paul sort of blanched a bit and said "Jesus," which was kind of how I felt.

Then after a minute or so Nancy came out and said we could all come back in and we trooped in and there was Mandy with a robe draped over her still leaning on the stocks doing the heavy breathing thing, and when she looked up she had like sweat and tears on her face but it wasn't like she had been crying like miserable but just there were tears. 

She sort of gasped "OK" a couple of times and just kept on breathing.

Mrs Price dug out the flask and handed round coffee. Mandy came over and leant on the back of a chair and Nancy put an arm round her shoulders.

"OK," she said, still gasping, her voice very breathy and deep. 

"OK, I tell you. That really bloody hurt, but I was wrong. It is sexy. It's fucking sexy but it fucking hurts. I can handle it. I think I can handle it. When we do it for the movie I want, like, a little break between the whipping and the fuck. Also, also, I want Lill standing by all the time, like, to stop the scene and get me out of the stocks if I say stop. No fancy safe words, just 'stop'. Stop means stop from the moment I go in the stocks until the end of the scene. If that's OK I think I can do it."

"Hey," I said, "is this worth going through that for a little toy porn flick?"

"Yeah," she said. "Yes. It'll be so much more raw this way, like so much more real."

Then Nancy started a discussion about the reaction shots. She'd had the camera on Mandy's face for the bit she'd done, and she showed us on the little fold out screen. And she was right, it was visceral. OK, she said, the script says Mandy's masked. If Mandy isn't masked then we've got to lose the girlfriend, but this is just so much more powerful. Mrs Price asked Mandy how she felt about not being masked and Mandy said she wasn't sure. Nancy said OK, look, all the shots of Mandy in this scene except the reaction shots are from behind, so if we can shoot them we can try a cut with them in and a cut with them out, and Mandy can have the veto.

Mandy was too sore to do the workshopping for the scene just then which kind of didn't surprise us, so Mrs Price (who was actually next smallest) stood in for her and we went through it. We ended up cutting out all the dialogue. The scene would start with two witches leading Paul (who's naked) along a corridor, with the sound of whipping on the sound track getting louder. Then they come to a corner and there's a whip sound and a gasp and we get a reaction shot of Paul's face and then we switch to his point of view and see Mandy getting thrashed and then the view point just jumps about and we see blows landing from all angles and we keep switching back to Paul's reaction and one of the witches touches him with this amulet thing and he's supposed to change from shock to lust and by the end the witches are holding him back and then they let him go and he sort of launches himself into Mandy -

"Like really brutal," said Lill.

We looked across and it's surreal. Lilith is sitting on a straw bale in her full goth rig with Mandy, naked again, draped over her knees like she's dead and L-Ill's messing with makeup on her butt like some necromantic craft-obsessed black widow at a quilters evening.

"Like no tenderness at all, like the total antithesis of making love, like just pound her and like claw at her with your hands to slam yourself into her harder. Like this is the black magic sex that ends up being answered by the white magic sex in the last scene so it's got to be just as nasty as you can make it."

"Only," said Nancy, "remember she's really sore so make like you're slamming without actually slamming too hard," which must be as difficult a stage direction as any actor ever got.

The biggest row of the whole sex-scene thing just suddenly blew up out of nowhere. It was Wednesday afternoon and we were all in the news office for the very good reason we had to get an issue ready for the printers, and even Paul was there which he hadn't been much at that point. And suddenly, out of nothing, Mandy said "Nancy, how big is Kyle's dick?"

"Works for me. Why?"

"Well, is it big or average or small? Is it thin or thick?"

"How am I supposed to know? I haven't like seen that many."

"Is it bigger or smaller than Paul's?"

"Oh. Bigger." No hesitation at all.

Paul like got up suddenly, and I thought he was going to say something.

"Longer?" said Mandy, "thicker?"

"At least twice as long, and thicker in proportion, I'd say. Also, it's nice and straight and I personally think it's got a very nice shaped end."

I have to say I felt like really weird about being discussed like this.

"I've been thinking," said Mandy. "All the scenes you get to see a dick up close, that's like about all of the guy you do see. So, like, when we cut to close up for the moment where the dick goes in that could be Kyle, and like the Mrs Price fuck shot where you couldn't see daylight that could by Kyle..."

"Are you saying my cock's not big enough?"

"Ah, come on, Paul, you know it's not. It's not big enough for real life, let alone a porn flick. Lots of actors have body doubles, why shouldn't you have a dick double?"

"What do you mean it's not big enough?" said Paul hauling down his flies and getting it out. 

It was soft and like tiny and without meaning to I sort of snickered. He was like pumping away at this little thing the size of the top joint of his little finger trying to get it to stand to attention, and (typical of cocks, really) it was like definitely not co-operating. 

"Come on," he said, "get yours out and show us how much bigger it is."

I said "put it away, Paul" and just sat there but Nancy leant down and whispered "I want to fu..u..u..uck you so ba..a..ad" in my ear and like ran her finger nail up and down my zip and I kind of didn't need to get it out because everyone could see. Not like I'm saying I'm that big or anything 'cause like Nancy I haven't actually seen many. But it was true that my cock was like a lot bigger than Paul's.

"Hey," said Paul, "it's not how big it is it's what you do with it..."

Mandy grinned evilly. "But when it's that small you like can't feel a thing, like 'is it in yet, Paul, is it in yet?' Not a thing, can you, Lill?"

"Well, something sort of tickled and, like, he said he'd done it, but I wasn't sure... it was all so quick..."

"Hey," said Paul, "Mrs Price said I was OK and she's got way more experience than any of you. And anyway" - this to Mandy - "if you've got a cunt the size of a convention centre with the muscle tone of a dead jellyfish it's not surprising you don't feel anything..."

Have I told you about Mandy? You've got this high school full of good corn fed all-American girls and then there's Mandy. She's, like, about four feet nine and weighs like maybe 70 pounds at the absolute outside. Like she's not a dwarf or anything, she's OK looking - no, she's a good bit better than OK looking, but she's half Vietnamese and like tiny. She must be the smallest grown person I've ever seen. Cunt the size of a convention centre? I sniggered again. I could not help it.

"Oh," said Mandy. "I thought when you were going round the school telling everyone how easy I was and all the things you could get me to do you were saying that I wasn't much good for anything but oral 'cause I was just way too tight?"

Lill said "Yoh! You tell him, Mandy!," and Paul, like, suddenly ran out without (as far as we could see) stopping to zip his fly.

After the laughter had died down a bit I said "That wasn't very kind" and Mandy said, "no, but it felt so good" and I said "did he really deserve it?"

"Hey, look," said Mandy, kind of fierce with like tears in there somewhere, "do you know how many guys I've had in my life?"

I didn't know. I'd sort of heard she was, like, a bit wild. "Three?" I said, tactfully underestimating, "four?"

"OK," she said, "do you know how many times I've had sex in my whole life?"

I had no idea. I shrugged. "about a hundred?"

"Well, I'll tell you. I went out with that guy for three months and it was all 'oh, I really love you, oh, I really respect you, oh if you really loved me you'd go the whole way with me' and then one night I had too much to drink and we had a quicky in the back of his car and next day it's all round the school that I'm a slag and I'll do anything. Sex with just one guy, just once in my whole life, and I'm a slag and I bet Lill's just the same, hey?"

"I'm not sure we even properly had sex. I mean honestly. I mean like I've never done it with anyone else so I don't really know but we just did this fumbling stuff and then he makes all these honking noises and there's a bit of mess in my panties..."

"You'd know," said Nancy, squeezing my shoulder. "You'd know." 

I was just staring at Mandy feeling really conscience stricken. Like I'd just believed it 'cause Paul had said it without really knowing Mandy or evaluating the evidence or probabilities or anything. I felt so... like culpable.

"Hey," said Mandy, "you know what's the worst thing? We're doing this porn film and, like, we none of us actually know how to screw..."

"We do!" said Nancy, hotly.

"Oh yeah? Like how many positions have you done?"

"Well, Kyle's ribs are bust, so..."

"How many?"

"...two..." 



Pornstar Ch. 07



Chapter 07: Shooting

Thursday lunchtime the coach turned up to take us all up to 'location' for the start of official shooting and we all got on board and Mrs Price did a quick head-count. 

"Anyone seen Paul?" 

No-one had and Mrs Price sent me to dig him out. I found him in the paper office which was the first place I looked. He said he wasn't coming. So I went back to the bus to tell Mrs Price and actually that was the last time I saw him.

He didn't come into school Friday and when he didn't come in Monday either I went to see his parents and they said he'd gone to California to stay with his uncle and they acted like they thought it was my fault which maybe it was. I've often wondered since whether he'd thought he was normal - like how could he, we'd all seen porn and some of those guys have like massive weapons - or whether he'd just been spinning a line and by taking it seriously I'd backed him into a corner he couldn't get out of.

Whatever, that Thursday afternoon we announced he'd got stage fright and we filmed stuff his character wasn't in. At the end Mrs Price gathered us all round and said like casually that if Paul didn't come back I'd take over his part and a couple of people said I didn't look much like a hero and Mrs Price said no but I was a good actor and knew the script and everyone else who could act had parts anyway, which was sort of true.

That night we had a pow wow. Mrs Price had got us together in the paper office after school, and said, look, we need to talk, and because Mom was on late shift again my house seemed like the best place.

When they'd all arrived Mrs Price started things rolling. 

"OK, what are we going to do? Are we going to give up?" 

I looked up from pouring the wine she'd brought into mugs. 

"What choice have we?" I said. "We don't have a male lead." 

"So you're just going to give up?" 

I handed out the wine and sat down. "Hey, you know, I think it's kind of your call - like all of you... I mean, I'm not getting fucked. Who would you trust? Like, who would you want to bring in?"

There was a silence, which kind of stretched.

"We can't bring anyone else in," said Nancy, "because of the official cut. Like, we've said you're going to do it. How are we going to explain if we suddenly switch you for someone else?"

Mandy said "why do we need to bring anyone in?"

"Well, because! I mean," I said, "who's going to do the fucking fucking?"

"Why not you?"

"Hey, no... hey no... Like, I'm no stud..."

"Kyle," said Mrs Price very directly, kind of schoolteacherish, "Do you actually want to make this film?" 

I sort of said I did, if we could.

"Then why not you?"

"Look, do I look like a porn star?" 

Mandy said she didn't look like a porn star either. 

"Hey," I said, "You're fucking gorgeous. You're all fucking gorgeous. I'm... like... well, look at me... I mean, what woman would want to fuck me?"

"Me!" said Nancy, very firmly.

"Yes," I said, "but that's different..."

"How is it different?"

"Well, like, because we're an item..."

"We are now" she said, with careful emphasis. "Like, that's the point, isn't it?"

Mrs Price sort of called us to order and said OK, what did everyone think about me doing the fucking. She went round us, one at a time, and if seemed even more weirdly schoolteachery. Lill said sort of dubiously that if everyone else was still in she was. Mandy sort of grinned and blushed and said that actually she was quite keen to go ahead, like because she wanted to see her big scene. Nancy said she'd prefer it because it meant she didn't have to cheat on me.

"Hey," I said. "You were only going to have to fuck one other person, and I'm going to have to fuck three!"

There was laughter. 

Lill said "like you're objecting?"

"But it's like all in the gang, isn't it?" said Nancy. "I mean it isn't really cheating because I'm in on it... It's like it's in the family..."

"Incest is best" said Mandy, seriously, and we all cracked up.

"OK, Kyle," said Mrs Price. "It's down to you. We're all up for it with you. If you do it, you get your movie, and if you don't, you don't."

I looked at Nancy. Nancy looked at me. I looked round the group.

"OK, let's do it."

Mrs Price sort of relaxed, and poured more wine into everyone's mug. She'd brought, like, quite a lot. 

"OK, next thing. The real reason I wanted to get you all together tonight is bodies. We're going to have to get pretty used to seeing and touching each others bodies in the next few weeks, and we're going to have cope with being turned on by each other, and that's going to be harder for Kyle because we can all see when he's turned on. So everyone peel." 

For a moment, nobody moved. 

"I mean it," Mrs Price said, pulling off her jeans, "peel. Make with the nakedness. Show me some skin."

I got up and made sure all the curtains were closed an the door was locked. By the time I'd done that Mrs Price was naked, and so was Mandy. Nancy was down to bra and panties. Lill was dithering. I shucked my clothes as straightforwardly as I could, uncomfortably aware that my cock was at half mast.

"Hey," said Mandy, looking at Mrs Price, "I was wondering when you and Paul were doing it in the barn... What is it with the cunt Mohican?" 

We all stared at her, bemused. 

"I mean, like, in all the porn films, all the women have their pubes shaved into this sort of landing strip thing, and like you've got it..." 

And of course we all looked, and Mrs Price did have it - a little ruler straight, ruler wide, strip of dark hair.

Mrs Price blushed. "I don't know. I mean, you shave to wear a bikini, and then... it's kind of where do you stop?" 

"But," said Mandy, "do we all have to have a cunt Mohican? I mean, is it like de rigeur for porn starlettes?" 

Mrs Price looked sort of blank.

"I don't know," she said. "Is it sexy? Do you want to shave? Kyle, do you think they should shave?"

I sort of fumbled it and started to say hey or something like that when I saw something out of the corner of my eye, and then I did say "Hey!" 

I said, "Hey, Lill, who are you to talk about bottle blondes? You're a redhead!" 

Lill blushed and cupped her hand over her small tuft of soft red down. Mandy, laughing, grabbed at her arm and pulled it away. 

"I can shave it off," said Lill. 

Nancy and I said "No, don't" together.

"Why not?"

Mrs Price was looking at me, so I had to come up with an answer. I looked at her, and then down a Lill's cunt, and then sort of flicked my eyes to Nancy to make sure this was safe, and then back at Mrs Price. 

"It's like... I mean, kind of the point of having more than one woman in a porn film is to celebrate their difference, isn't it? So, kind of, it seems to me, you don't want them all to be, like, clones, like, I mean - take your hand away, Lill, let us see - like it's pretty, it's endearing, it tells us about who Lill is..." 

I looked from face to face, nervously, wondering if I was really going out on a limb here. 

"I mean, also, kind of, the thing in American culture about women's body hair is partly about control and infantilism and denying people's adulthood... I mean, the way Lill's... like all the girls... cunt hair is says well, they're not really that old, actually, but they're coming into adulthood, and also it's real..."

"But," said Nancy, "if there's this thing about body hair - and you said there is - then if we're making a porn film then maybe we ought to shave." 

"Well," I said, "it's kind of up to you, but I don't fancy going down on you when you're stubbly."

So in the end nobody got shaved. Mrs Price poured more wine into everyone's mug, and got us to massage one another (she'd brought the oil as well), like all over, like not specifically masturbating each other but not leaving those bits out either. She made Nancy pair with Lill and me with Mandy, and I got to feel that wonderful butter-silk skin again.

Nancy said, like sort of interested, not at all accusing, "Hey, she really does it for you, doesn't she?" My cock was sort of iron bar. I went darkest red. I nodded.

Mrs Price sort of butted in. "Of course she does. OK, Kyle, what's the turn on with Mandy?" 

So I talked about the colour and quality of her skin, and the jet black tuft of wiry hair against the pinky-chocolate of her inner folds; and the amazing smallness of her and how it made me think about how my cock would fit in her and how far up it would reach and how tight she'd feel. Mrs Price picked on each of the others to say what they found a turn on in the person they'd been massaging. Nancy and Lill were both a bit shy of saying anything turned them on about the other, which was funny. Mrs Price was kind of pretending to be stern with them, and Lill said something about they weren't lezzies.

"Right!" said Mrs Price. "That's enough! Soixante neuf, now!"

It turned out to be really interesting, and not heavy at all, to watch Nancy getting sexed up by someone else. Like probably I wouldn't have been so cool if it had been a guy, but I'm not sure. How it was definitely felt OK. Not that it was easy to see that much. Nancy was on top, sort of crouched over Lill, her head moving between Lill's legs, muscles playing over her shoulders and down her back, her hair waterfalling onto the carpet. The colours were gorgeous, the soft tans of Nancy's back, the chocolate pink of her anus showing above Lill's pale face and black hair. The flushing on Lill's pale breasts was this beautiful pink, marbled with a blue tracery of veins, under the arch of Nancy's body.

All we could hear was little sucking and moaning sounds. Then suddenly Lill's head was flat on the carpet and her hips were bucking off it. She was making little high pitched whimpering and mewing sounds, and her head threshed from side to side. Nancy lifted off her and shifted over to where I was. She kissed me deeply. It was weird, kissing what had to be the smell and taste of Lill - quite different from Nancy's own taste - on Nancy's face and in her mouth. Nancy leaned back, pulling me with her, pulling me onto her, guiding me into her. She was amazingly wet and was bucking strongly against me from the moment I slipped in. I matched her rhythm. We fucked.

"Slow down, you guys!" 

I turned my head and looked at Mrs Price, sort of dazed, startled. 

"Lift yourself up a bit, Kyle - no, don't stop fucking her..." 

Nancy's pupils were big and dazed, her body grinding against me, her nipples hard and corrugated under my thumbs. Mrs Price knelt over Nancy's face and tried to kiss me, but the way we were positioned it wasn't actually easy for me to get my head up to her level without pulling out of Nancy. So I bit down on her breast instead and started worrying a nipple.

Nancy's legs were up around my waist, her ankles crossed behind me, pumping me furiously into her and I was trying to hold back from coming because I thought she hadn't and then I realised Nancy was coming and Mandy was kneeling beside us stroking my head and I think she and Mrs Price were kissing and then Mrs Price's hands clamped down on my head and she shuddered and I realised she was coming and I just let go and blew a cockfull of semen into Nancy, realising too late that I hadn't got a rubber on. 

We collapsed into a panting heap. After a couple of minutes I heard Nancy giggling from somewhere underneath, and we all sort of joined in, a bit breathless.

-----

There was this evangelical thing on all weekend and Nancy's parents had made her say she'd go... I wasn't too happy about it from her point of view but it did mean she wouldn't be around for the Saturday session which privately I was glad of. To be honest I was dreading that session but actually when it happened it wasn't too bad.

I was trying to do the mask thing and partly it worked. It helped that there was a lot of boring stuff getting the establishing shots set up, as I just lay there in the straw firstly 'sleeping' and then 'waking up and seeing the witch queen' - what I was actually seeing, of course, was Lill with the camera - and then 'magically aroused'. What was supposed to happen was I was supposed to freeze in position and Mandy was going to come in and 'fluff' me, but I didn't know how she was planning to do that and just the thought of the possibilities made the operation unnecessary, which I guess relieved everyone. Then Lill did the close up on my face for when I'm supposed to be orgasming with Mrs Price fucking me which felt really weird because we hadn't even started the fuck yet.

Then I got robe on and we moved the camera back into the position I'd been in and shot the reverse angle shot of the witch queen doing her stuff and walking up. She was wearing witch robes with just one of the nice under-robes, with the cowl right forward over her head and the witch-mask under it; and then Lill had done something hidden with safety pins to keep the robes back and open and her body just like gleamed out of it and she looked really spooky and threatening but really sexy. Also, Lill had brought this snake along, a six foot long boa constrictor that was kept in the biology classroom, and she had Mrs Price wear it round her neck like a scarf, and that was kind of strange and sexy too.

Then of course I had to peel off again and go and lie down in the straw and Lill had two vid cameras on me and was like concentrating on me and Mandy was doing continuity with the Polaroid and came over and started getting my posture right and I was sort of getting tense and then there was this thing about getting the rubber on 'cause Mandy just came over to do it and that like didn't feel cool and so I did it but then I had to be put into position again and I went soft and the rubber came off and Mrs Price said, OK, who do you want to do this and really it had to be either Mandy or Lill because Mrs Price had the mask on and it was like fiddly. So I sort of said OK and Mandy just went down and up once on my cock with her mouth like a pro and it worked and she put the rubber on and I was feeling really guilty because it was the first time anyone had gone down on me and it wasn't Nancy and it had been nice.

Then Lill said action and Mrs Price came over and squatted and did the thing with her hand and just as I was going into her which felt like the tensest moment Mandy said "cut!" and I was lying there with my cock up my teacher and she said "are you OK?" and I said "I'm OK, Mrs Price," and she sort of laughed and said her name was Sharon, and I said "honoured to make your acquaintance, Sharon" and everyone laughed and after that it wasn't so tense.

"OK," said Mandy, "that didn't work. The rubber was like way too obvious."

Mrs Price got up off me and went over to look.

"OK, I see what you mean. What do you want to do?"

"Could we take the rubber off and you put him in and do the first stroke and then come off him and we put the rubber on and do the rest?"

"No, I'm not cool with that. The problem is you're seeing the rubber on his cockhead, above my hand?"

"Yeah."

"OK, what I'll do we'll take the rubber off and I'll come down on him till it looks on camera as if we're touching, and then we'll put the rubber on and do the fuck. OK with you, Kyle?"

So Mandy came over again with a towel and peeled off the rubber and gently wiped my cock, and then without any fuss did that little once down, once up bob again, and Lill said action, and Mrs Price squatted down till I could just feel the tickle of her hair, and Lill said "cut!," and Mandy did the rubber again, and we did the fuck.

Mrs Price had said "Just try to relax and enjoy it. It's OK if you come, but try not to come too quickly. And it's also completely OK if you can't come."

So I lay there and watched the muscles move in her throat as she pumped herself slowly and smoothly up and down, and like I was hard and I was enjoying the sensation in my cock but the whole situation was too weird to be seriously sexy.

Eventually I heard Mandy's voice say quietly "OK, you're coming now."

I sort of tried to shudder and buck in the same way as I had in the reaction shot and Mrs Price got smoothly and gracefully up and turned smoothly and walked smoothly away and Lill said "cut!"

Mandy said "fucking brilliant, you guys."

-----

"OK," said Lill, as we were looking at the rushes, "There's something I want to try - like it's something that I put in originally but Paul cut it out of the script 'cause he said it was too gross. And, like, if you don't want to" - she was looking at Mrs Price - "that's OK and if anyone else thinks it's too gross we'll like cut it out of the movie but I'd like to try..."

"OK, Lill," said Mrs Price, "what is it?" 

Lill dug in her bag and pulled out some scribbling paper which had some storyboard drawings, and then she pulled out a wooden snakes head that she'd painted up just like the real snake.

"It's that thing about what you magically do to make him hard," said Lill, mostly to Mrs Price. 

"What I was thinking was like you pulled the snake out of your snatch... I mean, like, obviously you can't really have the snake in your snatch but that's why I did the wooden head thing, like so you pull the head out kind of close up so we can see what you're doing but also not held very long and then we cut to Kyle's reaction - like the bit we've already done - and then cut back and the snake's pouring out from between your legs and we can see for sure it's a live snake. And we do that like both full frontal and closeup and anywhere it doesn't look as if it's really coming out of your snatch we just cut back to the other shot or to reaction... and then when you're walking away afterwards I want to make it seem like you're putting the snake back into your snatch..."

"Wow..." I said. "But, in the shot we did, I wasn't acting like grossed out - like not at all..." 

"I know," said Lill. "I kind of wanted that. So what do you all think?" 

Mrs Price nodded. 

"Wow," she said. "I think that would really work. Let's do it!"

So we did that, doing several takes of the snake coming out (and in the final cut that really did work); and then Lill got into costume and Mandy spent twenty minutes trying to get Lill's hair into the style Alice had done it in for Thursday's shoot. 

'Costume' was this little black dress number with a very short skirt and virtually no back at all and a low scoop neck and long arms. In the story she's like a modern girl on her way to a party with her brother when they get ambushed and abducted by the witches, so this is party clothes. It actually suits Lill really nicely and with no bra you can see that her tits are actually a really nice shape when they aren't being plastered flat to her rib cage, and together with the understated makeup she suddenly looked way hotter than I'm used to seeing her so I told her so, even though I knew it was a mixed compliment and she blushed and said thanks, and we get on with the scene.

Mostly it's just me in my cell with Lill, in costume, doing the camera and Lill in her cell with me in a robe doing the camera, and we did all my dialogue first and then we did the me humping the hole in the wall bit to the metronome which felt really weird and not the least bit sexy; and then we did all Lill's dialogue, first with Mandy present (in case we didn't see her face in the torture scene) and then without (in case we did). Then Mrs Price said that as my cock was long enough to fuck through the partition, should we do the insertion shot with the real cock or the fake one? Lill said that the fake one didn't look much like me and anyway she thought she'd be less nervous with the real one. So we were talking about doing two insertion shots, one with Mandy up in the rafters filming straight down, and one filming horizontally with the camera pressed right against the wall, when Mandy said what about rubbers, and I said it should be OK because I wouldn't actually go in her and I didn't think there was any danger of me coming.




Pornstar Ch. 07



Mrs Price asked me like sternly whether I'd ever had sex with anyone except Nancy before today, and I said no-one. She asked if Nancy had been a virgin and I said yes and she said was I absolutely certain and I said I was. Then she asked Lill whether Paul had used a rubber which she said he had and whether Lill had ever had sex with anyone else which she said she hadn't and Mrs Price said a little dubiously that we were probably both clean and we could go ahead, but that whatever happened I wasn't to come. 

Then Mandy got up in the rafters with the vid camera. Lill got down into her uncomfortable crouch her side of the partition and Mrs Price carefully arranged Lill's skirt into the position up her back that she'd flicked it into at the end of her dialogue shot. I got down into my uncomfortable position on my side and stuck my cock through the hole. There were some rustlings from the other side of the partition and Lill said "OK" and Mandy said "action!"

I felt fingers on my cockhead and then pressure and then slipping in and then quite firm pressure like evenly distributed with no feeling of a way in anywhere and suddenly I realised where I'd felt that before.

I yelled "Whoa! Stop!" and pulled back suddenly. 

From the other side of the wall Lill said, sort of nervous, "what's wrong?"

"You're a virgin."

"Are you sure?" said Mrs Price.

"Technically," I said, "positive. Virgo intacta."

There was a hoot of laughter from the rafters above and a funny choking sound from the other side of the wall.

I walked round into the other stall and gave Lill a hug. We were all sort of sniggering a bit. "OK, what are we going to do?"

"It's only a flap of membrane," Mandy called down from the rafters.

"It's Lill's flap of membrane," I said. "Do you want to keep it?"

"Can we do the scene?"

I said I thought so, and Lill said on consideration she'd keep her maidenhead. So what we actually did was reverse the dildo so the blunt end was against her, and where it looks in the movie as though it's sliding in and out of her it's actually only sliding through the hole in the wall.



Pornstar Ch. 08



The American Body Beautiful

The whole thing about Lill's virginity kept on bubbling up and causing suppressed hilarity among our group through the next week. Mandy wanted to start a rumour round the school, and Lill didn't want that mostly because she didn't want people talking about her any more but also because she said there was just no way anyone could have found out without sticking something up her, and nice girls weren't supposed to let that happen. Mandy dreamed up more and more bizarre and implausible ways in which we could have accidentally and innocently established it, and Nancy's response veered erratically between slightly hysterical giggles and vicious snarling.

Nancy had had a horrible weekend. She told me bits and Mandy bits, and from what we could piece together she'd been paraded round in white as this exemplary chaste Christian maiden, and on the Sunday it had been sprung on her that she was expected to get up in front of a whole big place full of Sunday-school kids from all over the state and like exhort them to sign up to this pledge thing. And she'd caved in and done it.

What private time we got together that week was a mixture of rage and self recrimination and blind, furious animal sex, which exhausted her and left her sore but which she didn't seem to enjoy. And that was not good. She also cried a lot, and we spent a lot of time just hugging and being close together, and that was better. We got through the week.

And then it was like the weekend and we were all back up at the barn and Nancy's stuff didn't feel like it was at all resolved.

-----

"OK," said Mandy, her breathing still hoarse and laboured. "Ready."

"Camera one," said Lilith, "Camera two... Camera three..."

"Camera five" said Mrs Price.

"...Camera four..." said Lill, "...sound, and action..."

I ran into shot, grabbed Mandy's pelvis, and shoved in. There was plenty of lube, but she was amazingly tight and the sensation was enormous. She gasped. I pushed further, and found I'd reached an end. She moaned. I pulled out, desperately thinking I'd gone too far.

Mandy said "stop" and Lill said "cut" almost together. I pulled right out and released the bar on the stocks.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"Look, this is tough and the longer it takes the tougher it is" said Mandy, between gasps. She didn't stand up. 

"There's no use me going through that beating if it ends up with a namby pamby screw. You have to use force. You have to concentrate on using force. I promise I'll tell you to stop if I need you to stop. Just perform, will you, and stop trying to be considerate because in this situation it just doesn't help. OK?"

"Hey, like, I was up against your end... I was scared I'd tear something..."

"Hey, I'm tough. I'll stretch."

"But you made this awful moan..."

"I'm acting, man! Like, this is a movie we're doing. You should fucking try it sometime!"

I look down on her tiny battered, striped, bruised backside streaked with ribbons of pink weal and trails of sweat, at the glisten of lube on her delicate, chocolatey pink inner folds, at the tiny tuft of jet black fur appearing between her thighs, and tried to get my head round wanting to hurt something so... precious.

"That's pretty much what I wanted to say, Kyle," said Lill. "You don't look drug crazed or testosterone driven or fierce, you look anxious. It doesn't work. You're raping her. You're out of control and you're raping her. Look" - she reached past me - "grab her hair with your left hand and pull back on that. Like hard. Guide yourself in with your right, and then as soon as you're in grab her hip here - that OK Mandy?"

"Ok. Great. Kyle, try and grab as much hair as you can, will you, so it hurts less? And then sometime during the fuck go for my tit with your right hand, like you're really mangling it, OK?"

"If you're sure..."

"Just fucking do it, OK? And fucking screw me this time. Do it. Ram me. Try and fucking split me open. Make me feel your fucking cock hit the back of my fucking throat, OK? Right, Lill. Ready."

"Still plenty of tape in the cameras? OK... OK, ready and... action!"

I ran in and grabbed a handful of strong, glossy back hair. I stuffed myself into her, grabbed her hip and pushed. God she was tight and it felt glorious. She groaned. She's acting, she's acting...with my head down I pulled out and slammed myself back in hard. Her little body bucked and jerked under the impact and she made a gasping moan. Slam again, and this time I remembered to grunt. She was so tight and hot and the sensation was so intense... I could already feel an orgasm building in me, and I was fighting to hold it down. I could feel her rolling for me, rising on tiptoe to meet my thrust, heels down and back braced to hold the impact. 

Don't come, don't come... the rhythm was building, we were moving faster together... I knew I could not hold back long... the breast, reach down for it, small and tender in my hand, squeeze quickly but not hard... my nose was in the sweat-smell of her, the aphrodisiac pheromone rich armpit smell... I bared my teeth and made a big show of biting into her shoulder, clamping myself to her back. I pulled out slower, and her body pressed against mine sort of shuddered. I took my hand from her breast and reached right under her, between our legs, and flicked her clit with my thumbnail. She bucked, and began a high, hoarse, rhythmic groaning sob. I pushed myself upright, grabbed both hips and drove into her again. Her cunt was a fist, gripping and squeezing and clenching on me, trying to resist my withdrawal...

I knew I was past the point of no return. I knew I had to come out. I desperately didn't want to. I roared, thrust hard into her and pulled right out, and as I did so semen fountained out of me and splattered across her back and into her hair. She was gasping and sobbing. I reached over her, gasping myself, released the pin on the stocks, threw the bar up, jerked her upright by the hair, kissed her savagely and threw her down. I walked out of shot, trying to make it look as if I stepped hard on her face as I went.

"Cut!" said Lill.

"Hold position, Mandy! Hold position!" I said. 

"Get your shot, Kyle," said Mrs Price, "but make it quick."

"You do it, Lill, I'm still shaking. I want two shots, one just still camera her whole body for like thirty seconds, and the other one pan up from her feet along her body taking about ten seconds and hold on her face for another ten..."

"OK," said Lill, "action!"

There was silence except for Mandy's hoarse, sobbing breath. I desperately tried to control my breathing to avoid messing the sound. Lill took the shots and said done and I just knelt down and scooped up Mandy in my arms.

"Are you OK?"

"Absolutely bloody fucking brilliant. You are just fucking brilliant... Christ, it hurts..."

"Have I hurt you?"

"Yes, of course, idiot. A bit. It's mostly my butt... but inside a bit as well... but Kyle it felt good... like absolutely the best thing ever... just... the orgasm... just massive..."

"You were both brilliant" said Mrs Price. "That was some performance. Now, Mandy, can you stand?"

"I'd rather not... yeah, probably... I for fucking surely can't sit..." 

"OK, I'll sort out hot towels. Lill, go and relieve Nancy on the watch and send her back in, will you? She'll be really worried..."

They went off in different directions, leaving me holding Mandy.

"Hey, was that like really your come on my back?"

I nodded. She reached her free hand round behind her and brought it back glistening. She touched it to her lips, tentatively, licked it with a little triangular tongue, held it up to me. She's my girlfriend's best friend, I thought. I must not fall in love with her. I licked the finger - salty, not unpleasant - it seemed rude not to. I squeezed her and then Nancy was there and asking how it went and Mandy was saying OK, OK, really I'm OK, and Nancy took her out of my arms and laid her on the hot towels Mrs Price had made ready and fussed over her and I got dressed.

Eventually Mandy said "look, let me get up and get a robe on 'cause Lill can't come in till I have and I want to see the rushes."

After we'd watched them (primal; even more fierce looking than we'd imagined) we packed up and draped a coat around Mandy and Nancy carried her down to Mrs Price's car and Mrs Price gave us a lift round to my place and took Lill home and we got Mandy into a bath with lots of relaxing stuff, and then...

And then Nancy and I had a row - sort of not about anything really (but me fucking Mandy came into it) - and like it was really bitter.

-----

During the week that followed the trouble with Nancy's family blew up. She'd tried to get them to invite me over to a Sunday lunch, and all that did was get it completely clear and in the open that I was most definitely not the sort of boyfriend they approved of. The row about the padded bras got mixed in and boiled over. 

And then on the Tuesday evening (perhaps as a result) her father sprang on her that he'd made an appointment for her to see a plastic surgeon about breast implants like the following day. She'd slipped out of her window that evening and went round to Mandy's, and her Dad came round to our place (fortunately while Mom was at work or she'd have been terrified) thinking she'd be with me. 

Fortunately Mandy'd phoned so when I saw Nancy's dad's car outside I'd phoned my dad and said come round like now, and dad came round before he'd hit me very much and said get out or I'll get the police. So altogether that was bad shit and the only good bit of it was Mandy's father (who I found out is also Nancy's mother's father) said Nancy could stay there and there was no way he was going to send her home till she was cool to go.

I spent most of Wednesday evening round at Mandy's with Nancy and her, and Nancy was very upset and tearful and really just wanted to curl up quiet in a huddle with me and get comforted and I suppose that was good in a way because it got us over the weekend's row. Lill turned up at one point and spoke to Mandy but she didn't come in and see us.

By that time the story was around - like, not just the school but the whole town - that Nancy was going with me and that both Dan and her Dad had beaten me up, and possibly some other stuff that nobody wanted to tell us, and like that was bad two ways 'cause first we knew it would make her father madder than ever and 'cause second people started taking sides. It was mostly just Bibbies taking sides and a lot of it was old against young - like, most of the kids at school were, like, really OK - but my mother started to get a hard time from customers at work and that's like so unfair 'cause she really isn't up to taking that. So I was having to be strong for my mother as well as for Nancy.

So the rest of that week is kind of a blur between school and Mandy's and home and mostly trying to be strong for people and just not very good.

Obviously we didn't do a sex scene session that Saturday. When I got round to Mandy's sort of late morning I found even worse stuff. 

Nancy's dad had come round himself but Mandy's parents wouldn't let him in - they were talking to him on the porch when I got there. Afterwards they wouldn't tell us what had been said but they did say that no way were they sending Nancy home until she wanted to go. Also, Nancy's mother had phoned up like completely drunk and incoherent and no-one seemed really to know who she'd been wanting to talk to or what she'd been wanting to say. By the time I got there Nancy was like curled up in a little ball in the corner of Mandy's bedroom and she like didn't want to go anywhere and she kind of let me hold her but she wasn't really responding any and I thought about how mom gets when she gets ill and thought I really cannot handle this but I knew I could because I knew I had to.

I was anxious about my mom so I made sure I was home before her and spent some time with her and like I'm glad I did 'cause she wasn't as good as she could be. I also picked up all the video tapes we'd made of Nancy and me and all the sketches and story board stuff because I was like scared Nancy's dad might come over again and like search our place. I thought about what to do with them and then phoned Mrs Price and late Sunday morning she came by and picked up the stuff and also gave me a lift back to Mandy's, where she came in and had a chat with Mandy's parents and then with Nancy.

That afternoon I did the OK, about this breast thing speech. 

We were all sitting round the table on the porch at Mandy's drinking coffee after lunch and I can't remember how it started but it was like mostly me although I got some helpful noises from Mandy and her mom. 

I sort of talked about feminist dialectic and control of body image and reification and infantilism and the iconography of the topography of the American body beautiful but what it came down to was that the real underlying purpose of converting a unique living human being into a stereotyped pneumatic barbie doll was control just like signing people up to pledges before they were old enough to understand the issues was about control. I talked about living in child mode and living in adult mode, and how sometimes mental illness caused people to live in child mode (like my mother sometimes) and how living in child mode maybe caused people to have something like mental illness (like maybe Nancy's mother sometimes - which made Mandy's dad who of course was Nancy's granddad nod thoughtfully). And I talked about how living in child mode was kind of OK when things were desperate but what you sacrificed in order to be protected and comforted was control and seeing I thought what Nancy's issue was was about control (and indeed she herself had said so when she'd been saying about Dan) it was time she took back control and went and confronted her father and if she wanted me to go with her I would.

And, of course, she told me I was a bastard (which I am) and to go away which was kind of predictable and what I had sort of expected (and of course I did) and that was pretty horrible but then like life pretty often is shit and it was still the right thing to say.



Pornstar Ch. 09



The Big Take

Nancy wasn't in school again next day. I didn't expect her. I kind of mooched and I guess I was giving out vibes because mostly no-one came near me. Then at lunchtime I was in the paper office by myself just, like, sitting, and Mandy came in. She said Nancy had said to tell me she didn't want to see me again and I sort of said no like I kind of expected that and she gave me this like screwed up paper bag thing said Nancy'd said to give it to me and I opened it and it was the little silk vest and I just spread it on the desk and looked at it and it felt so totally desolate. 

After a bit I folded it up carefully and hunted out a bit of tissue paper that had come wrapped around some photos or something and a little box and I wrapped it in the tissue and put it in the box and I gave it back to Mandy. 

"Look, could you maybe like keep it for her until she's not so angry any more?" 

"Is that all?" 

I sort of said like it's maybe for the best. I said about how I'd really just made trouble for Nancy in her family and also how my mom was having trouble at work and I wasn't sure whether she could handle it and now would Mandy please like go 'cause I was going to cry and I didn't want her to see... She just came up and like cuddled me and because I was sitting down I just came up to her shoulder and I buried my head in it and sobbed for like a long time. 

When I was all cried out she said like "do you want her back?" - meaning Nancy - and I just said "yes." She said "ok" and went over to the door and then turned back and said "by the way I think you're brilliant" and walked out. 

Tuesday Nancy wasn't in school in the morning either. Then at lunchtime I was outside sitting on a wall by myself just watching the people like I do and there was this like brown haired girl I didn't recognise at all in this really like grungy old sweatshirt and smart jeans walking in through the gates and like there was absolutely nothing patrician or designer or in about her at all and I was wondering what it would be like to be a girl at our school who couldn't afford to have the right clothes with the right labels and then suddenly I realised it was my sweatshirt and it was Nancy and I felt like the day change from grey to golden and I got up and went over and she saw me and I knew things were OK or even better. 

After school she took me down the mall and bought me two nice sweatshirts and said they weren't presents and I wasn't to think they were presents they were just an exchange and I had to give her the one I was wearing as well as the one she'd already got on and I said why? and she said she'd swap me my jeans as well if she could but her hips wouldn't fit. I said bet they would but it would be tight and she got a new pair of good ones my size off the shelf and went into the changing room and they did sort-of fit. She went and paid for them and then she pulled me into the changing room and made me swap everything I was wearing with her but my underpants and sneakers (she didn't have anything on under the sweatshirt which kind of held us up a moment) and I was still saying why? She had to buy a belt 'cause the jeans which were like skin fitting over her butt and crotch were buckets loose at the waist and the guys in the shop are like thinking we're crazy. We walked out the shop with me wearing these flash new clothes which felt weird and her wearing my old grungy stuff and she gave me the shop bag with the designer jeans she had been wearing in and said could I drop them in at Mandy's and I said why? and she said 'cause she was going home to see her Dad and she wasn't wearing anything else 'till he'd welcomed me into her place. 

I did go to Mandy's after work. Mandy looked strained and upset and I went to hug her but she wouldn't let me and wouldn't tell me what it was about. Her mom said nice things to me though, like I guess she approved of the OK about this breast thing speech. 

----- 

Nancy came in the next morning in my grungies. She didn't wear anything else that week. She couldn't get away in the evenings either, but she looked happier each passing day. The timetable had completely gone to pot by now and we were supposed to be just revising but we did some of our revising on human biology with special reference to reproduction, which neither of us were officially studying... we felt we had some lost time to make up and some bonds to re-establish. At one point when we were struggling sweatily in the props room with overtight jeans I said something about wishing I had been wearing a skirt and she laughed and after school we went down the mall and got her a little wrap-around ra-ra type thing her dad really wouldn't approve of. Sure enough the next day (Friday) she was wearing it and I asked what the reaction had been at the breakfast table and she said that it had been a little robust but not half as robust as it would have been if her dad had known what she was wearing under it so of course I had to have a feel up but I couldn't find anything at all for him to get excited about. 

So you'll get the feeling that this was a good week for me and mostly it was. Except Mandy was sort of drifting around the school looking upset and not hanging out with us and like not talking much when we went over to try and be friendly; but quite often I'd catch her watching us (or just me when Nancy was doing something else) and she looked just so hurt. 

----- 

Friday evening after I got in from work I had two unexpected phone calls. The first was from my dad. He wanted to know what I would like for a present. There were two weird things about that. First is my dad knows from way back that the only present I'll take from him is a contribution to the cost of mom's anti-psychotics, and if he won't give us that I won't take anything, and second it was almost June and nowhere near Christmas or my birthday or anything. Second was from Nancy. She said would it be OK if she come over and stayed the weekend, like, not pretending to be at Mandy's but officially with me, and as mom had (for once) got the evening off I just handed the phone over and there was what sounded like a friendly conversation and the answer was yes. 


So I was like keeping an eye out for her bike when this big dark coloured sports utility pulls up and Nancy's dad gets out and helps her out and waves goodbye and drives off and she's still wearing the same skirt and when she gets in and shuts the door it doesn't take long to ascertain that she's got the same nothing on under it and a couple of minutes later we're on my bed and we're actually fucking and carrying on this conversation at the same time and she's saying no, he's not cool about it and she's still wearing the sweatshirt (which also had nothing under it) but she's made him accept that she's going to do it anyway so he may as well know where she is as not, and I said good for her but I was glad my mom hadn't seen him and she said what are anti-psychotics and a light bulb kind of went on in my head and then she said no don't answer just now I need to concentrate and then she did her blazing golden thing and that pushed me over the edge too and we're collapsed in this sweaty sticky giggly heap and I'm explaining about the anti-psychotics and how we couldn't really afford them and how sometimes there wasn't really money to pay for food and she like says oh and mom bangs on the wall and says if we're finished would we like some coffee and we sort of giggle and straighten our clothes and Nancy nips to the bathroom and then we go and sit down and try to behave like adults. 

----- 

"OK, so what can I give you as a present?" 

"Seriously, you can help me find out what's upsetting Mandy and get it sorted." 

"OK, that's hard. Listen, I know what's wrong with Mandy." 

"?" 

"OK, look, she's really angry with me for the way I treated you..." 

"Hey, but that's all past..." 

"Wait, you haven't heard the bad bit..." 

"OK?" 

"She's really badly in love with you and just so jealous." 

"But she got us back together..." 

"Yeah, because she loves us... Hey, like the present thing was so big for her, I've never seen her so angry." 

"What is the present thing?" 

"You gave me that vest, and I never gave you anything. She was like incandescent when she found I'd made her take it back to you, she was so angry and so hurt and... she kept going on about the widow's mite." 

"Like," I said, "because I'm dirt poor and you're rich?" 

"Well, it's true, isn't it? Anyway, it gets worse." 

"OK, tell me?" 

"You're going to feel so betrayed and so angry..." 

"Go on..." 

She looked down. 

"OK, look, when she was going on about how poor you were and how much that vest cost I said you'd probably shoplifted it..." 

She was right, it did feel like a punch in the guts. 

"Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'd lost my temper, I knew it wasn't true when I said it." 

"It's OK," I said. "It's happened. It's over. You're forgiven." 

"That's just it. I'm not, and I don't know how I can get to be. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. Hey, look, this present thing. I do want to give you a present for us, but also I do need her to see I've given you a present." 

And then suddenly I had an inspiration. "OK, get me some scaffolding poles and some rope." 

We took a compass and an old skateboard of mine and went round and found a scaffolding place where we found we could rent the bits we needed, which seemed more sensible because we only needed them for a couple of days. We got to ride up in the delivery truck to where we wanted them dumped up on the back of prospect hill. Then we carried the poles one at a time up to the pine tree I'd marked out, and assembled the whirligizmo I'd dreamed up. 

When Mrs Price and the others came up she was like not at all convinced that this was safe and we had to spend a long time testing it before she would let us get underneath it for a trial take; but when Mandy heard that the scaffold poles were a present from Nancy she kind of got tearful and emotional and everybody hugged and things in that direction started to get better from that point. 

We had a bit of a discussion about when to shoot the take. I'd got it set up so that the set was oriented for the real dawn, which was at 4 21 am the next morning, and the weather forecast was good. Mrs Price (very sensibly) pointed out that we'd get just one take and the timing would be like critical, so she persuaded us to do a whole bunch of 'day for night' takes, which we didn't object to. If nothing else, they helped sort out the timing, and familiarise everyone with all the things that had to be done. Then, rather than all going home and trying to wake up predawn to trek back up the hill, we went back and collected blankets and sleeping bags and made a camp fire and actually it was a really nice evening all sitting around the fire and cooking burgers and stuff and just hanging out. After sunset we shot the walk-up scene which was supposed to be in the dark anyway. And then we all bedded down together in the nest of blankets. 

---- 

Someone was shaking my shoulder. "Wake up, you guys, it's four o'clock." It was Lill. I wasn't actually asleep. I'd been lying awake, thinking about timing, thinking about how critical it would be, thinking about how to get it right. The noise of the bird song was amazing - I hadn't really thought about that, but now I thought it would make it better. I pulled myself out of the snug warm blankets, away from the gentle warmth of Nancy's satin skin, and, because I wasn't supposed to have any clothes marks on my skin, pulled on one of the witches robes. It was scratchy and not very warm. I looked down at Nancy, still asleep, curled protectively round Mandy. I kissed them both awake. Mandy clung to me for a moment, and then let go suddenly. They got up groggily, Mandy into sweater and jeans, Nancy into her costume. Lill and Sharon had been up, preparing, for a while, checking all the fishing line laid out across the forest floor so it wouldn't snag. 

Lill and I pushed the whirligizmo arm round to its starting position, hitched it to a tree, and positioned the skateboard that would track along it. I walked back into the middle. Nancy was already lying down, and Sharon was hooking the fishing lines onto her costume. The light in the sky was getting brighter. Sharon looked at her watch. "I make it ten minutes to go. Everyone ready?" 

Everyone said yes. Nancy was shivering. I was worried about goose-flesh in the shot. "Are you cold?" "Mostly nerves..." "OK," said Sharon, "it doesn't matter if Kyle doesn't come, but it would be really good if Nancy does. So what I'm going to do is go down on Nancy and keep her fluffed up right to the edge of orgasm until we're ready to roll..." 

Mandy and I butted in at the same time. "Nancy comes easier if she's already come," I said. "If you can push her over the edge, do it. It'll make it easier in the take... don't you agree, Nancy?" Nancy, still shivering, nodded. She looked a bit scared. Mandy said "May I do the fluffing? Please?" Sharon looked at her hard. "Are you sure you know which strings to pull, in which order?" Mandy nodded. Sharon gently pushed her down between Nancy's legs. Mandy grinned. "OK, niece, let's make with the incest..." 


The sky was getting brighter very quickly now. I was dry throated, nervous about time, thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Sharon was away out at the far end of the boom, talking to Lill, who was already sitting in the sling. I couldn't hear what they were saying over the noise of the birds. I looked down. Nancy was looking up at me, her throat working. She mouthed a kiss. I blew one back. Her hips were rolling under Mandy's head, her breath shortening. Her eyes closed, and she shuddered and mewed. "Good girl, Mandy," I said, quietly. "Do it again." Mandy's position didn't change. Nancy's eyes opened again, big and drugged looking. Her breasts were flushed, her nipples erect, her hips and belly moving. There was a little wind across the set, just stirring the hem of the chiffon undergown... good. The birds were really loud now, deafening. 

Suddenly Sharon was back with us. "Three minutes, guys... You OK, Kyle? Need fluffed?" To my amazement, I did. Sharon knelt down and started to nibble at my flaccid cock, dipping her tongue into the opening in my foreskin, scratching her fingernails across the underside of my balls. Agonizingly slowly my cock unfurled and began to engorge. She opened her mouth and engulfed it, dragging backwards with her teeth, pulling the blood into it. With soft lips she went down it again, easing the foreskin back, swirling her tongue under the rim of the head. "OK," she said, a bit gaspy. "That'll have to do. Everyone to your stations... Kyle, start fucking her now. Nancy, if you can be coming when Lill comes over you so much the better, but don't get too stressed... Good luck." 

I gave my gown to Sharon and knelt between Nancy's legs, putting my hands on the two white stones which marked where they would clear the fishing lines, feeling the warm wet softness of her surround the head of my cock. I dropped my head and gently bit each nipple. "OK, Nancy?" She nodded faintly. "Uh huh..." Already she looked golden and orgasmic. Was it too soon? Could I keep her on that peak for long enough? I ploughed into her tightness, slowly, steadily, easing the walls of her cunt apart, feeling already the little fluttering contractions that might be aftershocks or precursors - or both. I didn't hear the call of "Action" over the noise of the birds, but I heard the faint creak of the gizmo and saw the first flickering tension in the fishing line. I started to build the fuck slowly, knowing from the previous night's runs how long it should take. The hem of the outer gown pulled back, first on one side, then the other. Were they doing it fast enough? 

Nancy's cunt clenched on my next thrust, and I could see her struggling to hold back orgasm. "Hold on!" I whispered. "Uh huh..." Her eyes held mine, struggling for focus, for concentration. A little frown line creased between her brows. The edge of the lace gown rose and flipped over on the right, and the wind caught it and flicked it away. Just right, just right... on the left it fell away too, perhaps not quite so naturally. I realised I was getting distracted... 

I concentrated on my rhythm, stroking my cock into Nancy up to the balls, feeling the shuddering and clenching inside her build, pulling steadily out as far as I dared and then stroking smoothly in again... the chiffon gown fluttered and was gone. I thrust again, seeing highlights appear in Nancy's eyes... and the bird song stopped, as if the conductor had lifted his baton. Nancy mewed in the silence, and overhead I heard a faint groan from the gizmo. I pulled out steadily. 

At least one more stroke... I drove in, grinding my pubic bone into hers. Nancy's legs came up and clenched around my waist, her cunt knotting wildly around me as her face smoothed out and went golden. Sunlight poured suddenly across it like maple syrup, and one bird, like a soloist, lead the chorus back up to full strength. And as Lill's stocking foot gently touched the back of my head, telling me the whirligizmo had completed its transit and brought her and the camera smoothly into place above us, the orgasm I hadn't even been aware I'd been holding back ripped through me and I exploded, shuddering, into Nancy, and then allowed my body to slump slowly over to her right, leaving her staring up into Lill's lens only a yard above her head. 



Pornstar Ch. 10



Cut!

Lill and I and Mrs Price did the editing for the sex scenes up at Mrs Price's house, and like the first time we went up there it was a bit of a shock. I mean you expect teachers to be reasonably conventional people (even though of course really we knew Mrs Price wasn't) and also teachers don't make much money so I expected her to have a small house and like a husband and kids and stuff (except she'd occasionally referred to 'my partner' so I had sussed that she wasn't living with her husband). So it's a bit out of town and Mrs Price gives us a lift out so we won't get lost that first time, and we go up into the woods and there's this gate and we go in and there's this neat gravel parking place and we get out and look around and - no house - and Mrs Price laughs and leads us down these steps like we're going underground and there's this door and we go in through this like super-modern kitchen and come out in this living room which is like vast.

It's all white walls and wood floor and wood roof with like no ceiling and the south wall's all glass like with no frames or anything and I realise the house is like cantilevered out of the slope of a hill. It's amazingly uncluttered - just one leather couch and two leather chairs and a sheepskin rug in front of a big fireplace, and then like space.

Over the fireplace was the largest photographic print I've ever seen. It was a larger than life-size picture of an infeasibly cool slender languid imperious Nordic blond woman lying on her left side on a grey rock in a very blue sea. She's propped up on her left elbow and her head is erect, looking straight into the camera with bored but untroubled arrogance. Her right leg is propped up to show the hips of an extremely dark and glossy black guy with his thick cock plunged to the root into her cunt. The quality of the print was so good that you seemed to be able to see distinctly every strand of her hair.

Lillith and I stared at it dumb-struck for a long moment.

"Nice, isn't it?" said Mrs Price. "My partner particularly likes that one. Come on through to the office."

We went through another door and came into an architect's office, also spartan and Scandinavian in style, with linen blinds drawn over the big south windows. A woman uncoiled from a stool at a drafting table across the room and came over to us languidly. She was more than life-size, infeasibly cool and slender and imperious. She wore a sheer silk blouse, tight leather jeans, and - I'm fairly certain - nothing else at all. She looked only slightly older and no less challenging than in the photograph.

"Hi, Sharon, darling" she drawled, stooping from her six foot two inch height to kiss Mrs Price. "these are your students?"

"Lillith, Kyle, this is my partner Bretta. Bretta, this is Kyle, who's done most of the direction of our movie, and this is Lillith who's been responsible for a lot of the script and most of the costume design."

I should have been at least a little bit prepared. I should have noticed the careful lack of prepositions in what Mrs Price had been saying. After all, I'd played a very similar trick on my own father. The idea that Mrs Price might be gay just had not occurred to me.

Bretta looked down on us. "Welcome to our house," she drawled. "Sharon has told me a lot about you." And then suddenly, unexpectedly, she grinned. "Did you like my portrait?"

"Very much," I said, striving for equilibrium. "Like, when I saw it and didn't know it was you I thought it was awesomely cool to hang it over the fireplace like that. Now I know it is you I'm like breath taken. That is just so, like, stylish."

"I'm glad you like it. Come, I'll show you the computer I've set up for you."

As we worked there on and off over the next two weeks, Bretta was like this prowling, pantherous presence in the background. She moved quietly. When on the phone (which during the afternoon was quite often) she'd stalk about, listening and drawling. When working, either at her drafting table or at her computer, she was silent, and fairly often you'd look up and notice she wasn't there. And then, of course, she'd stalk up behind us, coolly observing us as we struggled with the pacing and cutting of this scene or that. Sometimes she would make comments and suggestions in her arrogant drawl. Her suggestions were analytical and incisive (and led us to be more daring in a whole lot of places), but it was always as if she knew how to create an image to turn other people on, not as though she was herself in any way moved or aroused.

I found her very scary.

We worked on our private movie over several sessions and got together a cut we liked. It wasn't really at all based on the 'official' cut, although, of course, we used material shot in the 'official' filming sessions. It had a different mood; while the 'official' movie was a rattling adventure romp with a few Gothic and eerie elements (and quite short), the whole of our cut (which was much longer) became increasingly Gothic and otherworldly and the sex scenes (although yes, they were explicit) melded into this dreamy other-wordly atmosphere in a way which made me feel we had achieved something considerably more than a conventional porn film.

Meantime, of course, term, and school life, were rolling through their climactic rituals: exams, and dances, and results, and prizegivings, and stuff. Our personal lives went on, too. Nancy and I became more settled as an item. Our group became tighter, more welded together, although towards the very end of term Lill was starting to get it together with a new boyfriend and so we saw slightly less of her. But for the group the real wrap-up point was the screening of our private cut.

-----

When we got up to Mrs Price's she gave us each a glass of wine and invited us through the back and there was like this hot tub thing on a deck high above the forest floor. I mean, like, I'd read about them but I'd never actually seen one. Bretta was just testing the temperature when we came out onto the porch where the hot tub was. She said hi, and Mrs Price introduced her to Nancy and Mandy (whom she hadn't met), and then she said she'd go into town and let us get on, which was like nice because it said she was cool with us and what we were doing but also she was giving us privacy to do it.

So there was the hot tub. Mandy, of course, just peeled off and was in like a fish. So was Mrs Price. Nancy and Lill and I were a bit slower, but Mandy was mocking us and soon we were all in. It was like tight with all five of us - not uncomfortable, but you couldn't not touch anyone and whenever you moved you touched someone else and it was like very sensuous and I was getting embarrassed because of course I was like rock hard and everyone else was having this like relaxed sort of banter and I wasn't joining in and Mrs Price said, like teasing, what's Kyle uptight about and there's this hand on my dick and it isn't Nancy it's Mandy and she says like he's sex starved, poor thing, he's like desperate, that Nancy isn't treating him properly, and they all laugh, and then Mandy says to Nancy can I get a turn with him, and Lill says hey, wait your turn, I haven't had even one proper shot yet, and Sharon says she should get first go 'cause she was eldest, and Nancy's saying to Mandy fight you for him and we were all laughing and it was fun and also it was real because although it was a tease I knew that they all really meant it and that I could have any of them or all of them and I said like guys, you're like all brilliant and I love all of you and I'll always remember this. And that was true, every bit of it.

And it was warm and the sun was out and there was like this amazing view out over woodland towards the town and the wine was good and also strong and I was in a hot tub with four beautiful women who liked me and who were cool to have sex with me and I just stopped being uptight. Then after a while the water wasn't so warm and Sharon said, OK, who wants to see this movie, and we all got out and Sharon gave us these big towels and Lill bent down to pick up her panties and Sharon said let's not bother with clothes, so we all went into the big sitting room all sort of wrapped in towels. The curtains were closed and it was sort of dim. I sat down on the sofa. Sharon was getting more wine. Mandy started a play fight with Nancy and of course it wasn't very long before they were both naked and Nancy had Mandy pinned down and she was like wriggling and squeaking and saying no, no, don't spank me, and Nancy said to me did I want to administer the punishment and I said yeah and Nancy swung her across my knees and she was just so small and sweet smelling and soft skinned and I just stroked her and I wanted so much to fuck her and I knew she wanted me to and everyone was watching us to see if I would and I knew that like if I asked Nancy she would say it was OK but I wouldn't really know whether it was and I gave Mandy a little slap deliberately so my fingertip caught her clit and said ok, let's watch this movie. And Nancy came and sat on one side of me and Lill sat on the other and Mandy wriggled into sitting on the floor between my legs and Sharon gave everyone another glass of wine and came and sat on the floor between Lill's legs and mine.

"OK," she said, "I've deliberately got you all relaxed and sexed up and a bit drunk, and the reason I've done that is because we're here to watch a porn film, and it's not going to be any good if you're all uptight and on your best behaviour. So watch it, and if you want to touch yourself, just do it, and if you want to touch someone else, touch someone else. OK? Enjoy!"

She pressed a button on the remote and the screen came on to the close shot on the diversion sign, and the titles began to roll. We watched mostly in silence. It may be that it was our film and it may be that we were drunk but it seemed very powerful. When it came to the torture chamber scene I just put a hand on Mandy's head and stroked her - and then sort of looked at Nancy and Nancy smiled and took my other hand and put it in her own crotch. At last the tape ran through to the last shot of the dawn sun streaming into Nancy's face as she orgasmed, and after a long moment of silence Sharon sighed and got up and opened the curtains and in the sudden brightness she came and sat cross legged facing us.

"OK, guys, what do you think?"

There was a confused chorus of different things from different people, which could be mostly summed up as wow.

"Yeah, OK, I agree. But come on. Kyle, why did you do it and has it done what you wanted, and what do you think should happen to it now?"

As I replied everyone turned round to look at me - like you'd expect - and I was really aware of Mandy's mouth just inches from my balls, and her nose just inches from the sticky precum that was dribbling down my cock. I tried to concentrate.

"OK, I got into this because I wanted to support my friends. That's all, really. And then when we started really thinking about it I wanted to see if I could make a good movie - not a porn movie, just a good movie - and whether I could make the shots I could see in my head come to life. I think we've done that. I kind of lost one of the friends I did it for along the way, but I got more and better ones... I'm really glad we did it. It's brilliant and I'm really proud of it. I don't want it to be destroyed, but I don't feel any need to let anyone else see it. I'd like Sharon to keep it, and maybe sometime when we're older we'll all get together and watch it again, but like just us. I'd kind of like to keep just one still of each of you, just like as a memento, if that's OK."

"OK," said Sharon, "Lill?"

Lill blushed. After everything we'd done together, Lill blushed. "I just wanted to get it together with Kyle... and I wanted to have sex just to find out what it was like. I thought that by writing this porn script and making him read it I'd make him realise I was a sexual being, and that he'd maybe fancy me. I didn't expect it to go any further and I didn't want it to go any further. And none of what I wanted happened and I'm still technically a virgin despite being a teenage porn-star and I think apart from the Paul stuff I've enjoyed every minute of it. And like Kyle I've got more friends and better friends and I think we've made a brilliant movie and I don't want it destroyed but I'm not sure I want anyone else to see it."

"Nancy?"

"Well, I'd already been thinking about it before Kyle asked me. I wanted to get at my father. I wanted to shock him. I wanted to sneak the movie in amongst the porn movies he keeps in his den and force him to see I wasn't asexual or pure or chaste or modest and I wasn't something he could control. And then Kyle did ask me and like he intrigued me because he wasn't anything like how I expected someone who was into porn would be - like sort of just completely the opposite. And I think I decided there and then that I was going to have sex with him. And I did have sex him and that's, like, totally the best thing and like I'm in love with him but I also think his movie is really really good. I kind of do want people to see it because it's so good and I'm so proud of what we've done but not like grubby sweaty men wanking over us - that would just be horrible - but maybe like an arthouse thing. And I don't need to get at my father any more so I've kind of got everything I wanted, too."

"Mandy?"

"I was sore at Paul. And I knew about his dick, which no-one else did, so I knew that something wild had to happen and I wanted to see how it blew. And actually, now, I'm like ashamed of what I did to Paul, but apart from that it's been mostly good and I really enjoyed doing it and I learned things about myself I didn't expect. Like some of those are very painful and I'm also really struggling with some of them but I'm not sorry about any of it. About the film it's really good and I'd like other people to be able to see it but definitely not until after Maman and Papa are dead. Like, they must never even know it exists. If it was just sex I'd be cooler about it but I don't want them to see me being hurt."

"Mrs Price," I said, deliberately formal, watching cunt juice glisten on her inner thighs, "what about you?"

"A lot of things. Sometimes this self satisfied little town with it's self satisfied little repressed people makes me feel a bit wild, and that script was so good - you've got to give Paul his due, I agree he was a shit and got what he deserved but it's a good script. And then I was interested in Kyle because there seemed to be so much going on under the surface - like this really intelligent and sensitive observer of everything that was going on but at the same time really wary and just determinedly not involved. And it seemed to me" - she said, looking me straight in the eyes - "that here was someone who could turn into someone really great and creative or into something really strange and psychopathic and I wasn't sure which it would be. And I wondered what would happen if I put a tyre iron under your shell and levered hard... I'm really satisfied with what we've done. I'm really proud of all of you - particularly no-one. I'm really surprised at you, Nancy, I didn't think you had the moral fibre to do half of what you've done. I'm really pleased with you, Lill, although I was fairly confident that you would deliver creatively. Mandy, you were a total revelation. I don't know how you pack so much guts into such a small body - and I have to say, if I was going to keep just one of you for dessert when I was feeling particularly horny and self indulgent it would be you. As for the movie, I think Kyle should go to film school and if showing this movie could help him get in I would vote we show it. But otherwise I think we should keep it as a private thing. It is the single most erotic work of art I've ever seen in any medium, and I think you're all just brilliant."

-----

There was a contented silence. Nancy broke it, stroking Mandy's head gently. 

"What's the issues, Mandy?"

Mandy moved out from between my legs and over towards Sharon. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it round herself. She looked at Nancy. She looked, like, somehow defiant.

"OK, the issues are like these. I got off on the torture thing, like, really got off on it. And I realised I got off it not just 'cause of what it was but also because of who it was and who I was. So, like, I'm bisexual and I'm a sado-masochist. And I'm in love with my niece and I want her to screw me and I also want her to hurt me and I'm also in love with my niece's boyfriend and I want him to fuck me up my cunt and I want him to fuck me up my ass and I want him to fuck me down my throat and just everything and if at all possible I want both of you to screw me at the same time. And if you can think of a perverse thing to want that isn't in there then you better tell me 'cause after flagellation and incest and buggery and group sex and all I can't think of any more. But if you do think of any more and it's more extreme then I want that too. And I don't want to bust you up or hurt you or anything so I know I can't have any of what I want but I want it so much it hurts and I need you to acknowledge that I want it..."

Nancy squeezed my hand, got up - all naked - and went and just like yanked Mandy's towel off. Then she pulled her to her feet and hugged her. She looked at me hard over Mandy's head and I knew this was another of those really important moments when whatever I did something big was going to change. I went over and hugged them both. Nancy turned Mandy round so she was facing me, and I could feel the heat of my erection pressing into her abdomen. I stroked her head, looking over it at Nancy with questions in my eyes. Sharon came and joined us on one side, and Lill came at the other, and Nancy said to Sharon "help me" and they were lifting Mandy up and her legs went round my waist like scissors and her arms round my neck and I felt Nancy's hand guiding my cock as Sharon and Lill gently eased Mandy down onto it and I felt her ballerina-muscled tightness squeezing and rippling over me. I put one arm round Sharon's shoulders and one arm round Lill's and found Nancy's hands with each of them. Then I reached in, and, evading Mandy's mouth, kissed Nancy properly, like with tongues and stuff, and then Sharon was kissing Mandy so I kissed Lill the same way and Mandy tried to twist right round and kiss Nancy which sort of mostly worked and then I kissed Sharon and Nancy was kissing Lill and then I started kissing Mandy and there were tears running down her cheeks and into our mouths and the others started surging her up and down on me and I knew everyone knew I hadn't got a rubber on and I knew nobody cared and I knew there was no way I could pull out and pretty soon I knew I couldn't hold out for much longer and Mandy broke the kiss and started to gasp and her face was all flushed and soft and gorgeous and I could feel her cunt start to ripple and spasm and she leant back against Nancy and Nancy kissed her and Lill leant down and bit Mandy's breast and as I felt my semen start its irretrievable rush up into her womb I wondered what would happen next, next minute and next hour and next evening and next week and next year and beyond.

And Mrs Price winked at me.