0 comments/ 4100 views/ 1 favorites Lustful Amnesia Ch. 03 By: NobodyWorthKnowing I think it was probably two weeks that passed after the situation in the pond. Cordelia acted as though nothing had happened between us, and I would have assumed it all imagined save the way I caught her looking at me sometimes. We were both young, and I suspected that there was something we didn't see, or understand in the way we behaved with each other. I had grown very much accustomed to painting with her, beside her, at that old desk. We didn't frequent that pond, which made me believe that she had done it all on purpose. I didn't care. In the two weeks or so that passed since our time in the pond, nothing happened, at all. Most of the time, we sat in silence. She was content to sit and let me stare at her now without telling me it was rude. Sometimes she would glance at me to let me know she saw me looking. In those two weeks, emotions were bittersweet. O O O Amnesia sat beside Cordelia. Mostly, her paintings were sloppy compared to her friend's work. "Mom's been talking a lot about London." Amnesia said finally, as she painted with Cordelia. "You don't think she's planning to return us there?" "Of course not." Cordelia said evenly, adding a wash over the canvas. "Home is here now." Amnesia looked up and smiled, but Cordelia her concentration face on, one from which she seldom ever looked up. "Thank you." "Don't thank me, Amnesia." Cordelia sighed, which led the two of them into another awkward silence. "Do you want to go to the pond again?" Amnesia asked in a near whisper. "It is hot in this house, and I could use the cool water." "I don't really like swimming. You can go if you want to, and I'll try to catch up with you when I finish coloring." Amnesia felt wounded. "Oh—okay." She said, putting her paintbrush down. "I just thought you would want to..." "The water is too cold. If you want, I can spend the night tonight. We could tell stories, and talk about boys." Amnesia nodded. "Okay." She didn't really want to talk about boys though. Not with Cordelia. She felt like she would do anything just to get another dose of that stare she did—that penetrating gaze that filled her head with dizzies and gave her falling-feeling she got sometimes before sleep. Cordelia often seemed heavily empathetic to Amnesia's thoughts. She scooted closer to her friend, taking a moment to pause from painting. "It gets very cold here at night, so we'll have to share the covers for warmth." "Yes." Amnesia whispered, and hesitantly put her arm around Cordelia. She did not shrug it off. O O O The nights were cold, indeed, but it was maybe an exaggeration to assume they would be anything close to hypothermic. I suppose then, we had to exaggerate a bit to justify the strange feelings, and behaviors we shared, but did not truly comprehend. We didn't exactly understand what it was we were doing, and at our age had only begun to identify with our own emotions. Sharing the short, forbidden moments in the pond was little different than a you-show-me-yours and I'll-show-you-mine that most children experience. It was how these things happened that made them special to me. At first, I thought that the emotions driving the vehicle of our friendship were imagined, and I was careful, and shy to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself. Cordelia was a hard book to read, and she could turn her emotions on, and off at will. I am not certain I was ever really worthy to love her, or be loved by her, but I know that anything, or anyone she loved, she loved fiercely. O O O "I don't want to talk about boys tonight." Cordelia said, offering a quintessential yawn that meant to Amnesia that she was neither bored, nor tired, but did not want to stay up—or at least keep the lights on. "Me neither. I was thinking maybe we could tell stories with a flashlight and try to scare each other under the covers." Amnesia said. "I know some dreadfully haunting stories about London that mom told me." "Nothing scares me. I'm sure we'll figure something out, though." "Well," Amnesia said cautiously. "It's only eight o'clock. I do not usually go to bed for another hour." "Well, let's go on a walk then. We can wander through the tall grass outside, and look at the stars." Amnesia knew better than to ask if they were allowed; she knew full well that Cordelia didn't care what was, and was not allowed. Part of the allure in their friendship was her enchanting ability to instill her bravery in Amnesia. They wandered down the stairwell together, and past Amnesia's mother in the common room. "Oh dear, where are you two going?" "It's boring mummy," Amnesia said with a pretty smile. "We wanted to go and watch the constellations." "Wouldn't you two rather have some cocoa? Amnesia you could tell Cordelia about the Ghosties and dreadfully scary stories about London!" Amnesia looked at her friend who offered a raised brow. She looked back to her mother. "I don't want to tell those stories. Those are silly stories for children." Amnesia's mother smiled warmly. "Alright girls, but only for a half of an hour. After that you must shower and go to bed without a fuss." "That's fine." Amnesia said. "Tomorrow could we wander outside?" Cordelia stood in silence behind Amnesia, whose hands were behind her back. Amnesia felt Cordelia's finger caress the palm of her hand. "Yes girls, but hurry. You only have a short while to look at the stars." Lustful Amnesia Ch. 04 I didn't care about the stars. Not really. Neither did Cordelia. In fact she couldn't name a single constellation, but it didn't matter. As we wandered a fair distance from the house, we sat in the grass and wrestled a little. It was the first time she had ever played with me so directly. In the pond—and how my mind travels back to that magic moment—at first, neither of us had even touched. She had caressed my hand just slightly, but that could have been an accident... no. We were playing, wrestling a little, and we did so until we had flattened out a decent amount of tall grasses. Side by side, about an arm's length apart, Cordelia did something to me that would touch me deeper than that moment I shared with her in the pond. Cordelia held my hand. O O O "Do you think the stars will be up there forever?" Cordelia asked Amnesia, seeming particularly introspective tonight. She scooted closer to Amnesia's side, still holding her hand, still laying side by side. "I do not know that answer." Amnesia replied, her voice a lazy echo in her cloudy head. Had she said it in binary, it would have mattered no more than if she had said it in German, or French, or Gaelic. The conversation did not even matter. Mary Celeste turned on her side, releasing Amnesia's hand. For a moment, Amnesia felt a pang of isolation before Cordelia's hand came to rest gently on Amnesia's stomach. She glided it up gently to Amnesia's ribs and held it here, rubbing her fingers over the taught muscles beneath her friend's cotton shirt. "I don't know a lot about the stars, but I think they are pretty." "They are not that pretty." Amnesia said, feeling Cordelia caressing along her ribs gently. The sensation sent strange electrical shocks into Amnesia's belly, and deeper, and farther down. She took a deep breath in and released it. It was all she could do to keep from shaking. "I can imagine prettier things." "Really?" Cordelia was unreadable, turning more on her side. She rested on her elbow, while she traced Amnesia with her free hand, running the tip of her finger from Amnesia's forehead down to her belly button, and then to the hem of her denim jeans. Amnesia gulped, but as she tried to speak nothing came out. She felt her knees jerk a little, but made no effort to stop Cordelia. "I trust you, Amnesia." Cordelia finally said to her, after moments of considering the situation. "I know I don't talk much, but I have lots to think about. I have lots to say." "It's okay." "No, its really not." She said with hard, but glassy eyes. "One of these days I am going to have to do something to you that was done to me. I need to do it, so that I know it can be something that is done right." "Why?" Amnesia asked softly, wishing something would happen, but she wasn't sure what. "Did someone else do it wrong?" Cordelia offered her a somber smile. "You can't even imagine." She said pulling her hand off of Amnesia's body. "No, don't do that." She said. "I stopped." "I mean don't stop that." Amnesia whispered. "It's not like painting outside of the lines, or being clumsy and tripping, or falling." Cordelia continued to trace Amnesia's body. "What is it like?" "It hurt a little at first." Mary Celeste said with vacant eyes. "...and if it isn't done right, you just end up hating the person who did it." "I couldn't hate you." "...and once it is done, it cannot be undone. You can never, ever take it back." "Like a tattoo?" Amnesia asked. "We have parlors in London." "Don't be so dense, Amnesia." Cordelia said, but she was smiling a little. "I have so much I want to tell you, and I'm so scared to do it, because once I do tell you, I know what I am going to do." "...but we're friends right?" "Yes." Cordelia said with a nod. "...and you trust me?" "Yes, but once it is all said, I have to do to you what was done to me - it is the only way I know." "I trust you." Amnesia said. "You shouldn't." Cordelia said darkly, as her fingers stopped at Amnesia's pants again. She thumbed the button of the denim jeans repeatedly, lazily, until it popped open. "What I am going to do will change you forever." "So what?" Amnesia said defiantly. She didn't like how the evening was turning out at all. "Maybe I need to change." "You don't need scars." Mary Celeste said, wedging a finger beneath the second button of Amnesia's pants. The button came undone easily. The second button always came undone easily. "Whatever you do to me, I promise not to be mad." Amnesia said. Mary Celeste stared past Amnesia. "I want to tell you..." "Girls!?" A voice echoed over the tall grasses. "Girls!? Where are you?" "Coming!" Amnesia yelled, rolling her eyes, but trying not to sound too annoyed with her mother. Cordelia looked at her strangely. Amnesia buttoned her pants, and took Cordelia's hand. "Let's go." Lustful Amnesia Ch. 05 Mary Celeste is faster than me. Or, at least she was. A cold shower though couldn't dilute the strange sensations I was feeling in the pit of my stomach. My legs trembled the entire shower. Afterward, when I was drying off, it was harder to dry some parts than others. It seemed like the water had saturated me fully from the shower. If I had known then what I know now, I am certain I would have reacted differently. Inexperienced children do not understand those kinds of desires. Mary Celeste was right though about many things that would come. At the time, before I understood, I just assumed that the cold water had managed its way in well, and I just had to pee it out. Man, oh man. Was I mistaken. O O O Amnesia dried off in her bedroom while Cordelia waited for her to finish. She already felt a little more comfortable, and a much more confident to be seen in the buff by her friend. "You cut yourself." Cordelia said, pointing just above Amnesia's pubic mound. "You said it should never see hair." Amnesia shut her door and flicked the light switch. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust as she made her way into bed and covered. "Don't you sleep in pajamas?" "Sometimes." The awkward silences had gotten less frequent, but they were thick when they came. "Won't your mom check in on you?" Cordelia asked in a hush. "No. My Auntie used to sleep in the down stairs bedroom, and mummy had to sleep in the guest room across from her. She never moved up stairs. She won't come up here unless we're loud." Cordelia was silent, her breath just slightly labored. "Outside you were going to tell me something." "It isn't something I can tell you." Mary Celeste said softly, her voice shaky. "I mean I could tell you, but for you to really get it, I have to show you." "I won't stop you." "You should." Mary Celeste said scooting closer to Amnesia, under the cover of their blanket. Amnesia lay on her side, face to face with Mary Celeste. Amnesia could taste Mary Celeste's breath. She felt Mary's hand rise up, beneath the blanket, and its warmth as it settled on her bare shoulder. "This part is not about you and I. I'm sorry." In the dark of the room, pale moonlight from outside reflected off of Mary's skin, putting her eyes in shadow so that there was only a glimmer of reflection. "What is it about?" "This part is the part where I got hurt." "Who hurt you?" Amnesia asked. "Shhh." Mary Celeste hushed, reflecting the sound in such a way, it sounded as though it were someone else—as though someone else had made such a sound to her. "Please, Amnesia... forgive me." O O O There is very little to be said about this moment, and yet the entire world made sense to me suddenly. I had bitten into that apple that God forbade Adam, and Eve. I had become a sin. I had become a blasphemy. I suffered as Mary Celeste suffered, because in the moment that I understood nothing, I suddenly understood everything. My world went from a place of Adam and Eve, to Lilith and Nod. I would wander the land in search of something I could never find, and so I died ther, and I was reborn, baptized in Cordelia Anne Martin, and anointed in the trickle of my own blood. The pain was excruciating, by the way, but it wasn't the physical aspect of what happened. It was her tears shed as she did it to me; as she did to me what had been done to her. The horror wasn't even in what had happened, it was in the repetition. She did exactly what she said she would do. She burned into me, and she scarred me. The fear I had for her, of her, was gone. In a single, dysfunctional moment, I loved her and I hated her forever. We became equals, and she helped me understand. O O O "What are you doing...?" Mary hushed her again. "You have to be quiet, or you'll draw your mother's attention." "Okay, sorry." (It didn't scare me.) (But it should have.) Amnesia felt Cordelia on her, and with her, a rush of Adrenaline filled her instantly, as though she were about to go into a battle. "Cordelia Martin." Amnesia sighed. "Hm?" "No... I just want your name to be the last name I say." "I'm not going to kill you." She whispered, touching Amnesia beneath the blankets. She was ready for it before it started. Amnesia watched the blankets moved, and fought the urge to close her eyes, even as the welled up. "You just did." Amnesia said, as she arched herself into her killer's hand. "I'm sorry." Amnesia could hear her weep silently, as Cordelia consumed her soul. A tear spilled down her cheek. Cordelia kissed it. "I'm so sorry." Ignorance faded into clarity. Colored pencils became wood, and cheap wax. Watercolors became finger-paints. The pond became dirty green water. The grass became weeds, and the stars, merely useless pinpoints in the sky. The innocence that existed that noon had died, and the scars that Mary Celeste had promised had formed. "I—I..." Amnesia swallowed, unable to speak, not even to whisper. The battle between the heart, the soul, the mind, and the body was won, and lost to Cordelia Martin. She tried to find the escape in the logic of what was happening, but there was none. She desperately clung to lingering, and fleeting threads of reason as she sank into the despair of sensation, and guilt. Amnesia submitted, and consented to find the truth in Cordelia Anne Martin, and she found it. Cordelia only wept, her face buried in Amnesia's shoulder. Amnesia, whose mind could no longer comprehend the trauma, closed her eyes to the gifts, and curses of her dearest friend. There was a momentary sharp sting, and she winced. Burning. Throbbing. Something wet, and warm, like blood. Then a cold trickle down her thigh, and into the black cotton sheet of her bed. She stifled a whimper. Cordelia sighed into her ear. "That's what happened to me." "Who?" There was thick, painful silence. Amnesia gathered her thoughts, for it was all she could do to keep from shattering. She had heard the term rape before, but never imagined what it was like. Or if it had even happened just now since she had not only consented, but demanded it. Cordelia did as she promised she would, and she did hate her for it, and she loved her too, maybe more than she had that evening. Hurt people, hurt people. She tried to grasp onto her mind, ten minutes prior, but she remembered everything differently now. The pond was no longer ice cold. The grass didn't itch the same. The stars were a child's craft; holes in aluminum foil held up to light. Amnesia's chin trembled. Cordelia's skin wasn't just her skin. It was Amnesia's. Her lungs breathed Amnesia's air. She tried to remember the itchy grass, but the grass would never itch the same again. Everything had lost its old meaning, and at once, it was all entirely beautiful again. Amnesia imagined that her old world had been beautiful in the way someone describes a sunrise, but a sunrise she did not experience herself. She imagined her world, now, not as the description, but the sunrise itself. She held her breath. She was very sore. "Who?" Someone was guilty. Someone, but not Cordelia. "Who!" She hissed. Silence again. For only a moment. "It no longer matters." Cordelia whispered. Amnesia could hear relief. Guilt, too... but definite relief. "Just hold me." O O O What the hell do you say or do to something like that? I hadn't been molested or raped by my friend, but instead through an extension of horror, guilt, and misplaced pleasures, raped by whoever raped her, through her. Even if I consented, I still feel dirty to this day. She told me: ...this next part isn't about you, and I... and she meant it. She would never go on to tell me who had hurt her, and I suspect there was plenty of good reason behind it... but how fucking sick is that? That "man" and his morbid victory over her... and I. Her silence was no longer a mystery to me, nor her headlong fearlessness to face trouble, for what trouble could she possibly get into that was worse than what she had shown to me? She was right, too, in a horrible way. It was twisted, and sickening, even then. She had to show me, for me to understand. Though she said she wouldn't kill me, she had in fact, killed me. I died in my final throws, and what was left was the terrible understanding, and adulthood that had been forced on Cordelia. She wept on me, her hand stained with my blood across my chest and shoulder. In a time that I hadn't even started menstruating, and I had already lost my virginity. I had no idea that was what would happen. My pale skinned goddess was a victim, and she had victimized me in her name. Baptized me in her pain. I loved her, more, and more. In my youth, or maybe the last lingering remnants of my naivety, I fell in love with her. We were equals now, and her silence would never have to go unspoken. The dreadful, monster that lay dormant in whoever hurt her, had been passed to her. However long she had tried to fight it, in the end she lost, and then, she won. The scars were etched into us both, but the monster that she had inherited died there with me that night. O O O Early on, I wondered what I would call my memoirs if I were to write them at all. I thought surely, "The Tragedy of Cordelia Anne Martin"... but really? I'm not good at titles, and besides. What does it matter? The story is what is important, not the title—it is what it is. That's why you will keep my stories, and all I will have to do, is tell them. By the way, I really like your title. "Lustful Amnesia". What am I, if not an incarnation of lust? Not merely the lust flesh, or the tender delicacy of a woman's dew... but lust for what was lost. Lust for what was lost in me. (You can never go back home) Not for me. Not for Cordelia. My one true love; my only love. Cordelia was my first girl, see. The next day, when I woke up, she was gone. From that day forward, after the initial shock wore off, it was two weeks before we would speak again. I do not know if it was her guilt that dissuaded her from contacting me, or if she found peace in herself, through me, but for fourteen days I suffered alone as she must have suffered before she met me. Lustful Amnesia Ch. 06 "There were no others before you." Cordelia said, resting a hand on Amnesia's shoulder. "I mean there were no other, you know." "I know what you meant." Amnesia said, putting her hand over Cordelia's. Her presence was no surprise—after two weeks of silence—after two weeks of being without her, she could literally feel the girl's familiar poise as she came up. Cordelia nodded, drying her face the best she could. Her eyes were red, and puffy, and a little bloodshot. Amnesia took her by the hand, their fingers interlacing as though they would never separate. They could only assume they would be the best of friends, bound together by a dark secret so deep that the scar was eternal. They had the choice of living two ways. Bound by hatred, or bound by love. So Amnesia Marie Stone and Cordelia Anne Martin chose to love. They chose this path to what they considered might be a lonely alternative - an isolative, eventually—likely fatal—alternative. Hand in hand, they left Amnesia's bedroom, crept silently down the stairs, despite it being daylight, and beyond the doors of the house. Amnesia's mind swam with Cordelia. She could smell her skin, and taste her breath in the air. She could smell the salt on her face, from her tears. Everything had changed, and too quickly. It was not how she had imagined—if she had ever imagined at all—that she would lose her virginity. They arrived at the pond. The pool was crisp, and cool, but tolerable. Cordelia resumed her weeping, but Amnesia closed in on her, this time, and held her chin with only two fingers. "I meant what I said in my bedroom." Cordelia nodded. "I will never forgive you, but I will love you deeper than anyone ever can, forever if you let me." Cordelia only nodded again. Gradually, the tears stopped, and things began to cheer up. The cold water, or the warm sun—or both—brought out a playful side of Cordelia. Slowly, clothes began to pile on the shore, this time without much hesitation. The girls splashed at each other a while before Amnesia was upon Cordelia once more. She pulled her friend to her, kneeling with Mary Celeste until the water was chest high. Cordelia was receptive to a bare chested embrace, wrapping her arms around Amnesia. "We really do need to get swimming wares." Amnesia smiled, staring down at their pressed cleavage. Cordelia smiled. "I like the way that looks." She said, her face down, pondering her breasts pressed hard against Amnesia's. "Is this right?" "How is it wrong?" Cordelia released Amnesia, and paddled back a moment to see hers, and Amnesia's nipples had hardened the water was cold, but it wasn't as much the water as it was the thrill between them. Cordelia swam back into her waiting arms, and a brief - barely awkward - kiss. Amnesia half sighed, half giggled, feeling her friend close against her. Cordelia's body was a warm contrast to the cool water, though both she, and Amnesia had a touch of blue in their lips. Amnesia pulled her in, and Cordelia rested her forehead against Amnesia's, and smiled. Silence lingered between them, the sound of water lapping at the shores, and splashing softly against them as the shared another brief kiss, their eyes falling shut as Amnesia inhaled Cordelia, and exhaled. Shivers ran down Amnesia's back, and Cordelia responded by drawing their bodies together as closely as she could. Amnesia felt herself blushing, despite the coolness of the pond, or the familiarity of Cordelia's face, as her icy blue eyes dwelt in the honey-amber wells of Cordelia's. Amnesia suppressed a small moan, feeling the brush of Cordelia's sex against her own. Cordelia's hand slid down her back, and took a firm hold of her bottom. Amnesia arched her neck, craning her mouth closer to Cordelia's ear. "The water feels loads better." Cordelia felt Amnesia's hips moving against her own, the desperation to crush her sex to Amnesia's was overwhelming. "It's not the water." "I know." They held each other at the small of the back, hips pushed together, their eyes locked in each the others' gaze. The world grew very quiet around them, the sound of crickets, and buzzing of cicadas was faint, and far away in their minds. Only the sound of their Cordelia lost herself in Amnesia. She could feel Amnesia's breath on her face. "I want to kiss you. To really kiss you." "I want that. In the distance they heard the front door of the house open. A moment later, her mom was calling after them. The tall wild, and windswept grasses of the meadow, and the rush grass around the pond would keep them covered long enough to get dressed. Lustful Amnesia Ch. 08 Well. Thanks for visiting again. I'm sorry if last time got a little intense - not hot - just intense. I've been in low spirits lately. They're treating me alright here, I guess... but my therapist is still pushing for me to let go of Cordelia. Let her go. Like holding onto her will change anything in my world. Letting go of her, though... that means moving on. Letting go, to me, means forgetting. I can't forget this... so keep your pen, and paper ready. We must keep this alive, so that one day maybe someone will read this, and they will say: That was true love. Is this worth suffering over? Hell, baby, this is worth dying over - it's worth killing over. It may come to that, too... but not today, right? Not today. Claire was like having a right hand man. Cordelia and I began having our trysts regularly, behind closed doors. It was her heart's desire to keep the secret, and so I did - and I do now. Those stories, I cannot share with you, except to say yes, they did happen, and often. Almost every day, when Aunt Flo wasn't in town to visit. Was it simple teenage lust, and puppy love? Obsession? Romance? Was it all in our heads? Well, sure it was... but it didn't make it unreal. Lust, love, obsession, these are emotions that can progress, or decline in time. Ours we kindled as often as we could. Cordelia though, kept her silent. She held a torch whose fuel filled, never saw its purpose. We weren't children, but we were not grown women. Foolhardy decisions, and fantasies clouded our realities, and soon Cordelia was as in on my plans to create a safe world for us, as were the willing people who followed. Old enemies became friends. Sandra Sevilla, and Claire. Later, there would be more, as I am certain you've figured out by now. This isn't some late night cinema on your basic cable network, okay? I am not the spirit of lust, inhabiting different people. That's not my MO. I am making it your responsibility to insure people know this! This is still for Cordelia. It always was. O O O "Amnesia," Her mother called. "Claire's here." "Hey there Claire," Amnesia's mom said, smiling. "Aren't you looking nice." "Thank you, Mrs. Stone." "Please, call me Janice." "She doesn't do that." Amnesia's voice cut in, authoritively to her mother, like a boss would scold a subordinate. "I was just--" "It's okay, Amnesia." Claire said. "She didn't know." Amnesia glared at her mother, and then smiled past her to Claire. "Please come in. I have a guest waiting, so we ought not to keep her waiting." Claire threw a look of inquiry to Amnesia. "Come now." O O O "I'm sorry." Nancy said, as Claire walked into the bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. "Amnesia?" Claire asked unsure. "What is she doing her?" "She wanted to apologize to us. She came here on her own." "I don't trust her." "Neither do I." Amnesia said. "But she made the effort to show up." "Why do I feel like we're being set up--" Claire said when she was interupted. "I want to eat your cake." Nancy said, feeling stupid just saying it. Amnesia smirked, and Claire laughed in a fit of surprise. "You?" "You put it in my face. If my friends hadn't been there I'd have buried my face in it." "You're too caught up in what others think." Claire said, scowling at her. "Please." "You won't be allowed to hang out with your old crowd anymore. Claire can do whatever she wants to you, if she's okay with it." Claire eyed Amnesia thoughtfully. "Yes. You can have whatever you want, but, Amnesia has to be allowed to be a part of it too." Amnesia's head shot to Claire, but she wasn't angry. Her face wore an expression of wonderment, amusement, and interest. "I can't do that. If you need help, you can call Sandra." "Three of us?" Nancy's eyes were wide. "I didn't know..." Claire looked Nancy over. She was muscular, average sized breasts held firmly in a push up bra. She was still in uniform, the pleated cheerleader's skirt just past the middle of her thighs. She had an athletic body. Claire sat next to Nancy. "You will have to quit the squad. Tomorrow, you'll be dressed Appropriately, and you will sit with us at lunch." "No!" Nancy was edging away Claire. "That's not why I came over." "Then fine. Apology accepted. Get the fuck out." Amnesia nodded. "Thank you for dropping by." * * * Lunch again. Amnesia could feel the beginning of summer in the air. Humidity, and heat coupled with the struggling attempt at balance, but the fading Spring. "Cheerleaders." Claire said with a slight huffy growl. "I really don't like cheerleaders." "Relax, Claire." Amnesia smiled, soothing. "Relax." "Is there room for one more here?" A sullen voice interrupted. Amnesia and Claire both looked with shock and surprise as Nancy approached them. She was dressed in a dark gray pinstripe skirt with a matching vest and jacket, with black nylons and black pumps. "Steal clothes from your mom's closet?" Amnesia nudged Cordelia. "Easy, girls. She's come in piece. I'm sure Claire, and Sandra could help her a little, after school." Nancy's hair was pulled back into two tight french braids, her make up tones of nutrals, grays, and blacks. She was wearing lipstick one shade lighter than Claire's, her face straight and holding a sultry presence. Amnesia patted a place on the bench next to she, and Cordelia. "You want to sit with us?" "I do." She said. "Please." "What about your friends?" "They think I'm a dyke." Sandra Sevilla made a face. "A dyke?" "They think I'm lesbian." She said submissively. "Anne Fritch told everyone I was at Amnesia's house yesterday. She was supposed to be my best friend." Amnesia shifted closer to Cordelia, who this time did not resist her, and put an arm around her waist. "That doesn't make you lesbian." "No, but don't I have to be, to sit with you two?" Cordelia, and Amnesia looked at each other doubtfully. Lustful Amnesia Ch. 09 "Oh! Oh God, Oh!" Claire cried out, as she pushed Nancy's face deeper between her legs. The girl's voice cried out in muffled huffs, as she struggled to hold her voice down, with Sandra's face between her legs. Amnesia, and Cordelia watched from the corner of Nancy's room, eyes wide, holding hands. Amnesia whispered, "This is pretty fucking intense." Cordelia squeezed her hand. "It's a little depraved, don't you think?" "...but absolutely necessary." Cordelia squeezed Amnesia's hand again, as they watched Claire grinding down hard over Nancy's face. Her shirt was down around her hips, like a cloth belt, but otherwise she was naked. Sandra, between Nancy's legs, wasn't wearing anything at all. Her even, light brown skin glowed with a thin sheen of perspiration. Claire came hard, and slinked off of Nancy, leaving her face glistening. Claire sighed, and knelt beside her, carefully taking one of Nancy's nipples into her mouth, and massaging the deliciously sensitive flesh with slow, wet kisses. Nancy yielded her body - her will - to Claire, and Sandra. She had become the willing prey to her hungry predators. Suddenly, she felt as though she understood it - how natural it was - that she had become the proverbial kill, and they were over her, consuming her whole. In a sense it was what was happening... and she wanted it. Sandra licked her deeply, greedily running her tongue up and down Nancy's slit, thrusting it inside of her, outside of her, and gently teasing her clit. Suddenly, as Nancy's hips began to shiver, and buck, Sandra stopped, moving up to Nancy's face, planting small kisses, before climbing over her, hips angled just over Nancy's face. "Lick girl." She said, "make me cum." Nancy's jaw was tired, her mouth was tired, and her tongue - God, even her tongue was tired. She could taste a vaguely sweet tinge on Sandra, and received her with an open mouth. She darted her tongue in and out of Sandra, trying to mimic what had been done to her, while massaging Sandra's thighs. Claire smiled seeing Nancy pleasuring her lover, and continued down until she was between the former cheerleader's thighs. Nancy had a wonderful kitty, with a thin velvety landing strip of pubic hair. Her lips were swollen, but tight together, virginesque though she knew that Nancy was no virgin. She had a muskier scent than Sandra, and the taste was a little different. It smelled fine, but it was vaguely bitter, slightly salty, and a little sweet all at once. Bad diet. Good diet. Too much on the sauce... whatever: Nancy had taken good care of herself. Claire lost herself in it. She kissed ravenously, violently, between Nancy's legs, her tongue thunderously, mercilessly beating at the former cheerleader's clit, while teasing her own. The scent of their passion built, as much as the fiery sensation of a climax in their bellies - not simultaneously, but one after the next, they came, gently thereafter, rolling off of each other. There was a moment of awkward silence between they five, all, before Nancy, in the way she always had, giggled in a small bit of girlish laughter. O O O Myself, I consider to be something of a real sexual adventurer. With Claire, Sandra, and Nancy as friends, and confidantes I believe that I can go anywhere now, and do about anything. Cordelia brought me into this world, and here in this world if there must be a ruler - and there must -these three were as my hands, my eyes and my ears. We were a symbiosis with a single mind. It's easy to get lost in your own causes though, and sometimes just as easy to remember why you started in the first place. We were a careful group, and Cordelia, and I, for a number of reasons, did not sit in on another reckoning. I was young when I lost my virginity to Cordelia. What we had was not the same as what was going on between our friends. It was sex, but with the intimacy. I tell you these things because this story deserves telling. I am not a monster, but I feel I may become one. I've been in Hillside Meadows too long, after not being able to cope with the death of my could-have-been. We'd always fantasized about marrying, even if only in secrecy. We had become like secret gods. The sluts, the virgins, the innocent and the guilty all had a place with us, so long as they conformed to us, and became like us. Lustful Amnesia Ch. 10 God, it gets me wet just thinking about those days. I mean, I know it was high school, but for us, it was the end of it all - high school I mean. We really were like gods - goddesses - in our own way. I don't know if it was how we talked, or walked, or dressed... maybe it was a combination of the three, but there was a certain threatening appeal to us. You'd go see a tiger at a zoo, sure. Beautiful creatures, sure, but would you really want to be locked in a room with one? That was us. In those days, we didn't hear a lot of words like "queer" and "dyke" anymore. I don't know if people were afraid, or had simply gotten used to use. It didn't matter. I could walk the halls of my school, arm around Cordelia, hers around me, and not a damned person said a word about it. Finally. In this, I think it is my greatest regret that it was all over, school I mean. I had finally achieved something I set out for, and it was almost all over with. It didn't stop me - it didn't stop any of us. Cordelia had become like me, as I had become like her so early on. She was as much a part of this, as the rest of us. We never once bothered to think whether or not this had gotten entirely out of hand. We should have. O O O Amnesia, and Cordelia walked in the head of a small group of girls, juniors, and seniors, in a small triangular formation as the walked the center of the hallway. Jocks, motor-heads, cheerleaders and the lesser socialites cleared a way for them as if they were something magical and deadly. Lately, Amnesia had been eyeballing a girl, a girl named Soheila. Soheila Kojori, a Persian girl by all means, born even outside of this country. She'd gotten a visa and came to California only two years ago. She was perfect, her tinted skin, and large eyes - such her ample breasts - her beautiful hips, and her ass--she was everything that Amnesia was looking for as a new edition. Someone fresh, and different. "Claire." "Yes Amnesia." "What about Holly Wells?" "Yes Amnesia." Claire said and turned on her heel, heading down the cross section of the hallway. Behind her, Nancy, stepped into line a single file flawlessly behind Amnesia. The two made a single sound with their footfalls, high heels clacking on worn hall tiles, changing long overdue. Amnesia stood next to Cordelia, hand, in hand, and glared hungrily through blue crystalline eyes, her lustful scent lofting lightly in the air about her like a pheromone. "There she is." Amnesia smiled. "Nancy, would you please go after Claire and support her with Holly. They're fighting." "How do you know?" Amnesia stopped abruptly, looking over her shoulder. "Nancy?" "Yes?" "When you ask for favors," she paused. "well, do I question you at all?" "No, Amnesia." "Okay." She said smiling politely over her shoulder. "Yes Amnesia." Nancy said, and turned walking back and then down the cross hall to the quad area. Amnesia made a pleading face at Cordelia, who nodded politely, and let go her hand. Amnesia straightened her back out a little, put on her friendliest smile, and walked softly, slowly, to the new Persian girl. "Salam." Amnesia said with just a hint of conditioned Farsi in her accent. Amnesia asked, in decent Farsi, how Soheila was doing. "I'm fine, thank you!" The girl said, smiling as she stood up from her locker. "You speak Farsi?" "A little." Amnesia said. "I confess I only know a little. The colloquialisms are a little hard to keep up with." "I know, I was born there." The girl said, smiling. "I fear I am forgetting it already." "Perhaps you and I can study on how to better our tongues together." Amnesia said, offering an inquisitive smile. "Perhaps." The girl said absently, for a moment. She seemed distracted for just a second, like something was on her mind. "I'm sorry, what was your name again?" "Amnesia." The girl smiled softly. "Amnesia--I like that. It is very unique." "Thank you. What's your name?" She asked, acting as if she didn't already know. "Soheila." She said, her accent showing blatantly through her learned American dialect. "Soheila Kojori." "That's beautiful." Amnesia said, stepping boldly forward, a little closer to the new girl. "Perhaps you'd like to share our lunch table with us today?" Soheila smiled, oblivious to Amnesia's advances, and nodded. "I don't see the harm in that." Lustful Amnesia Ch. 11 Holly took a heavy handed swing at Claire, who ducked out of the wild punch. Holly Wells was not pleased. Not at all. "If you know what the fuck is good for you, you'll stay away from me freak!" Holly snarled at Claire, taking another quick punch. This one glanced off the corner of Claire's mouth. Claire smiled at Holly. Holly was dressed in a tattered black knee length skirt, with black fishnet stalkings and military style boots. She was wearing tattered arm length fishnets beneath a black tank top shirt that had red writing on it that said "Already Dead" on it. Her hair was thick and soft, curls pouring down like black water frozen mid fall and spilling over her shoulders and her back. Claire thumbed away a little blood from the corner of her mouth, her back to the bathroom door, as she tried to calm this girl down. "Listen Holly," She said. "Normally by now, I'd have already beaten your ass into the tile. I just want to talk." "How the FUCK do you know who I am?" "I was told specifically to find you for Amnesia." Holly stopped suddenly, thoughtfully. "Amnesia Stone?" Claire had a moment of confusion, the expression written all over her face. This girl knew Amnesia? How? Suddenly, before Claire could react, Holly pulled something out of her pocket. In a double click, the device produced a long, slender inch stiletto blade. Great. A knife. Where were lunch aides, or security, or teachers when you needed them? Stuck alone in the quad with a psychotic. Claire put her hands up, over her head, arms bent at the elbows. The door opened suddenly, and Nancy burst in as if it had been a matter of life and death, surprised only to see that it indeed, in fact, was a matter of life, and death. Holly leapt forward grasping Claire by her arm and pulling her back. She wrapped her free arm around Claire, holding Claire by her arm, the stiletto knife neatly - professionally - applied to Claire's throat, with just the slightest give of pressure. "Holly." Nancy said softly. "Holly, let Claire go please." "Nancy?" Holly said in surprise, the black eyeliner beneath her eyes was running from the condensation on her face giving her a sense of dark circles or hollows beneath her eyes. Her lips were turned in a sneer. "I have always been nice to you Holly." Nancy said. "We were close to being friends, remember, back in ninth grade? Before you left?" "Nancy, what is this?" "Amnesia. She just wants to talk to you--that's it." "Okay." Holly said, pulling her knife away from Claire's neck, leaving a diminutive, thin red line, as she shut it and placed it away, out of sight. She pushed Claire forward to Nancy who caught her gingerly, and carefully stepped in front of her. "We just want to be friends." Claire said, peering around Nancy calmly, despite herself. "Friends." Holly's face was a mix of fear, distress, and violent emotions. She stroked the grip of her stiletto for a moment. "Sure. I'll talk to Amnesia." O O O Soheila sat quietly, pleasantly, next to Cordelia, and Amnesia. Lunch had just started, and Claire arrived with Nancy shortly thereafter. Amnesia looked to Claire, and then Nancy. "Holly?" "Right behind you." A voice said, a shadow suddenly falling over Amnesia. "Hello Holly. Care to join us for lunch?" "Where's the food?" "We only eat a few days a week, otherwise we discuss ways to better issues." "You green peace freaks or something?" Claire eyed Holly sternly but kept her mouth shut. "No one is forcing you to be here, Holly, but after your little run in with our Claire today, don't you think it'd be at least fair to join us for a meal?" Holly looked cautiously at all of them, and then seated herself at their table. The table itself was nearly full with exception to room of one more seat. Amnesia seemed to notice too. "Tonight I'm having a sort of kick back." She said with an almost secretive tone. "It's just invitational to the five of us here at this table right now." "I'm in." Claire said. "I am, as well." Nancy said. "Will there be booze?" Holly asked bluntly. "Martinis, Margaritas, and of course, Beer." "Sounds good to me." Holly said. "Just tell me when, and where." "That part is easy." Amnesia said. "You're coming home with me after school." Soheila looked a little unsure. "Is it okay that I go? I have not yet gotten a chance to entertain--or be entertained at a party." "Oh, it isn't much of a party." Nancy said, taking over. "Think of it as a way to end the school week with 'a job well done'. It's more like a sleep over to help us all relax and kind of come together." Amnesia threw a subtle glance at Nancy's little Freudian slip. Cute, but dangerous to anyone who knew their reputation. Interesting little mind games. This girl was smarter than she let on. Amnesia would have to watch her confidante more closely - she could use her for bigger and better things. "I suppose so." Soheila said. "That is if my mother lets me go." She looked half sure at Amnesia. "So we're all in?" Amnesia asked, as if it were a bank heist, keeping it low. "Yes Amnesia." "Yes Amnesia." "Yeah." Soheila nodded. "Good. Khube." Amnesia said, throwing a Mona Lisa's smile at Soheila. The girl blushed, her smooth olive complexion darkening at the cheeks and a little on the forehead. Amnesia smiled prettily. Who could she find for Soheila? Not Holly. Definitely not. Sandra was pretty taken with Claire. Nancy? Maybe Nancy. O O O "The house is ours tonight." Amnesia said, smiling a relaxed smile. Cordelia was behind her, massaging her shoulders. Amnesia's entire demeanor was relaxed. For the first time in a long, long time, she felt safe. She knew it wouldn't last, but she was among friends, people she could trust. She opened up, by grinning. The others seeing this, relaxed too. Cordelia whispered something into Amnesia's ear, and Amnesia smiled happily. "Margaritas anyone? O O O "So I was sitting about like this," Soheila said, with her legs wide open, her shorts short enough to show just the vaguest shadow of her loins. She was laughing. "and my brother comes waltzing into my bedroom while my fingers are actually inside of me." Holly stared at Soheila with a blank edifice, eyes shining like fragile glass, as the Persian girl told her story. Amnesia watched Holly a moment, and then focused her attention back on their newest friend, nodding emphatically, if anything, to progress Soheila's story. "So, he stares at me like he doesn't know what I am doing at first, and then when he does - he stares more!" "Oh my God!" Amnesia barked in laughter. "How awkward!" "Oh no dustam, not just this." She said, her accent filling in thickly. "He walks a little closer while I'm frozen in panic, and I do not know what to do, you know?" "Yeah." Claire said. "Always sucks to get caught in the act." "Bale--eh--yes!" Soheila said, and drank down the rest of her beverage. "You can barely taste it." She laughed. Amnesia saw Nancy stir. "So suddenly I leap up, I have my shirt on you know - but no clothes are on below my waist and I kick him between the legs." Everyone laughed suddenly, perhaps at her actions, perhaps the vision of her half nude attacking her brother. "It was so gross to see him stare at me like he did." She said, closing her legs a little, to everyone's dismay. "He crawled out, and I did not speak of it again, nor did he to me or anyone else." "Okay, okay, okay," Holly cut in. "Time for truth or dare." Amnesia felt the biggest smile on earth play over her face. Irresistibly. She couldn't pretend to even fight it, and nodded. "Truth or dare?" Soheila asked, unsure of what it meant. "It's a game." Claire said, nodding. "You can play with us, watch, listen, and learn too." "Okay." Nancy said. "Let's start." After a quick rock paper scissors, Holly coincidentally ended up with the honors to call first. "Okay, Amnesia. Truth or Dare." "Hm," Amnesia considered, knowing the intelligence behind the probably not really drunk eyes of Holly. "Truth this time." "Oh you pussy." Holly grinned. "Okay. Truth. Have you ever gotten with a girl before?" Soheila's head turned to Amnesia sharply. "Yes." Amnesia said, coughing in faux. "A few times." "God, you have?" Soheila asked, blushing, but yet, relieved. "Yes." "Claire, truth, or dare?" "Dare." "Brave one, are we?" Amnesia smiled. "If it is okay with her, I dare you to kiss Holly for about a minute. Just a kiss." She said cautiously. "You two ought to make up." Nancy silently scuttled out, and returned with a tray full of margaritas. Everyone took one, and continued the game, though Soheila seemed a little quiet. Amnesia hoped it wasn't moving too fast for Soheila. She wanted Soheila to feel at home, and be herself. Before the night was through, she would. Holly was aggressive with Claire. Violent, and darker than Amnesia had imagined she would be. She pounced on Claire with a bass growl, pinning her down. She licked along the small red line on Claire's neck, before kissing her hungrily on the mouth, crushing Claire's lips in the embrace. Claire could taste blood in her mouth, though she could not be certain who the blood was from, whether or not Holly was kissing her too hard, and whether, or not she was enjoying it, herself. Amnesia looked at Soheila, who was watching intently. When she glanced at Amnesia, she blushed, but turned and continued watching, apparently waiting for her turn. Claire was running her hands through Holly's thick hair, stroking the black locks, and pulling at them gently. "Okay, okay girls, at least try to pretend that you like it." Amnesia said sarcastically, while the two continued a moment longer, before Claire had to pry herself out from under, and away from the beautiful silhouette of Holly's body. Holly and Claire were heaving, breathing heavily. "Okay." Holly said. "Your turn." "Soheila," Claire said, and the rest of them cheered and howled like wolves, followed by laughter, more drinking, and then calm. Amnesia smirked at Nancy, who smiled back and nodded. "Truth or Dare." Soheila was silent for a moment, like she'd suddenly lost interest in playing and then, "Truth." "Awwwwwww." The others cried out as if terribly disappointed that she'd not taken a dare. "Okay, okay." Claire grinned. "Two questions. Have you ever been with a girl, and, Would you ever be with a girl?" Soheila giggled uncomfortably, and shifted a little farther away from Amnesia, closing her legs, suddenly self conscious. "Um, as you say been with a girl, I have not.". The others seemed to slouch, as if this was going to end all of their fun. "To be with a girl, as you say," Soheila said, her words lingering as she took another deep drink. "I have not had enough to drink." Cheering ensued and moments later, Claire was bringing in more drinks. Soheila grabbed at hers hastily, her eyes slightly glassy. Her slow inebriation had begun to show its effects. "Nancy," She said, pausing to chug down her Margarita. "I dare..." "Uh Soheila?" Claire started, but Amnesia threw a look and shook her head sharply. "You look beautiful tonight." She said smiling. "Thank you so very much. I got most of these clothes from home last summer." She said, and drank more. Nancy pouted to herself a moment and then said. "You dare me to what?" "Oh yes!" She said, and drank again. "I dare you to be my girlfriend for just tonight." Amnesia's eyes were wide, as did Cordelia. She nudged Amnesia, whispering. "Well, that didn't take long." "I am just kidding." Soheila said, "But really though, I would very much like to kiss you. I mean. I dare you to kiss me." Nancy scooted closer to Soheila, who sat her drink down gently on the drink tray. She drew Soheila closer to herself, and pressed her lips softly to Soheila, who's eyes drifted shut. Please don't pass out. Amnesia thought, as she watched Nancy hold Soheila gently in the kiss. Soheila lingered in the kiss, though Nancy softly pulled away, without ever introducing her tongue to her new friend's. "You did not kiss me like Holly kissed Claire?" Nancy giggled sweetly for Soheila. "It is all in how you say it." Amnesia eyed the rest of the circle, and yawned. A signal. Cordelia yawned, followed shortly by the others. "Do you think we should get a little bit of rest?" "Perhaps." Amnesia said. "Soheila?" "I would like to lie down a little bit." She admitted. "But I am truly not tired - not after this game." Holly stared at Claire, and Sandra in silence, but her expression did all the talking. "Fine, yes, whatever." Sandra said, with a crooked smile. "Bunk with us." Claire shrugged. "Cordelia, and I will take my room - and please, no interruptions - Nancy, you and Soheila can share the guest bedroom." As the girls continued off to their rooms, Cordelia, and Amnesia stayed down stairs, cleaning the glasses up. Amnesia caught Cordelia's eyes a number of times, and each time they did, they smiled. After the mess was cleaned, the dishes in the sink, Amnesia embraced Cordelia. "I'm sorry I always leave." Cordelia said. "Leave?" "You know. I kind of check out, when we're at school. I'm sorry." Amnesia nodded. "You know what? I understand. Besides, you always come back." Cordelia nuzzled her. "It won't have to be this way forever. Things are changing every day. Look what we've done at school. People have stopped judging us." "Or they just realized they don't care." Cordelia shrugged. "Does it matter? Think of what we've done in six weeks. Imagine what we could do in six months. What if someone is out there, like us, right now, changing the world? Imagine what six months, or six years could do." Amnesia smiled, and allowed herself a giggle. "We could get married." "We could!" Cordelia said, kissed her on the mouth. "We could do anything, as long as it's always just you, and me." "You, and I," Amnesia corrected. "As long as it's just you, and I." "Yeah." "Then promise me. Promise me that when the time is right, you won't fight me anymore. You'll be mine, we'll be out but together, and able to take on anything." "I promise - Amnesia - I swear to God." "Okay, let's go to bed now." O O O She swore to God... but she couldn't hack it. Six days, weeks, or months made no difference. The world is a dark place, and people have their own fears about whatever. This isn't a political story, so I'm not going to push bullshit at you, like gay rights, or advocacy for marriage. I mean. Yeah. I would have liked to have gotten married, but it wasn't society that was stopping that much. It was Cordelia. It was always Cordelia.