0 comments/ 2789 views/ 0 favorites Life's Wonderwall Ch. 01 By: Floater_320 ***I hope you'll lend me your ears for just awhile. And please comment/vote. This is my first time writing for literotica, so I hope my stay here will be a wonderful one. Thank you. -Floater_320 *** Right now, I'm looking out the window. And I'm depressed by what I see. Dead trees, soggy earth, and dead leaves. I desperately wish I could live in a world where it was spring and summer all year round. Spring brings new life and love. Beauty and green. Summer holds freedom. Sunshine and happiness. And warmth. And best and most precious of all, the memories you make and keep in your heart forever. I get so depressed when summer ends. Fall is long over, and we're in the dead of winter. I miss the green. The flowers. The freedom. The happiness. I really hate being older. You have to get a job. You have to make money. You have to buy a car. You have to go to college. You have to do this. You have to do that. Go here. Go there. I hate it. I miss the past so dearly. Like a friend who's no longer alive. Like going to sleep happy and safe, and then waking up the next day to find yourself alone and cold. It makes me so sad. If I have to get a job, I want it to be what I know and love. I want to live somewhere beautiful, but a bit mysterious too. I want to wake up next to the woman I love. I wanna wake up smiling and go to sleep excited for what tomorrow will bring. I wanna be so happy. I wanna grow wings and be free. I wanna be so happy that I'll never stop smiling. Or laughing. And especially loving. But people are cruel. You have to follow their rules. You have to meet someone's expectations and hope to get what you want. All my life, it's like I'm always working to please somebody. Whether it be my parents, teachers, friends, peers, etc. When is it going to be my turn to make myself happy? I don't give a fuck if it's selfish. I have a right to want and need. Why can't we all just get what we want? Why couldn't I have been born in a kinder world? Why can't I shake this phantom of sorrow which plagues my heart everyday. Why am I always looking up at the dark sky, hoping to see something impossible? Why do I feel this way? Why can't I just be like everyone else? God dammit, answer me! Who am I?! What am I?! Why am I here?! Please! Please tell me the answer. Someone.. Anyone... Please... Life is like a ice cream. You enjoy it. You savor the flavor. You share it with others. You throw your own toppings into the mix. And it always has that little cherry on top. But... Once it's all gone, you wish there was more. But it's the only one the store had. You miss it already. You wonder what'll happen now. What do we do when it's all gone? If it were me, I'd probably say something like "well let's just go out and find some more! Tons more! And we'll get everybody together and share it! And after that, let's go outside and play!" You know what? That actually sounds fun. I should do that. When spring comes home and summer follows behind, I'll throw a big party with everyone, and we'll hang out and fun. I love this world. And it terrifies me everyday that one day, I won't be able to do all the things I used to do. I won't be able to run. I won't be able to write. I'll slowly slip away, and fade back into where ever this messed up world will take me. I'm so scared. I feel like a lost little boy at the mall. Or a mouse looking into the cold eyes of the snake that's about to kill him. I don't want to die. I don't want to see the world, this beautiful and gentle world that I love so much, to fall apart before my eyes. It's too sad. Too painful. Too frightening. I will not cower away. I will not just take it. I refuse to accept that there are limits on a man's life. I won't accept that this is all there is. We can't be the only ones here. We can't be alone. We just can't. There has to be more to life than all that we see in front of our faces. There has to be some kind of force or thing in the world or universe just waiting to be called out to. I leave you now with all this hanging in the air. One day, I will return to answer these questions that mankind has left for me to solve. I will go out into the world and find the answers. I'll find what I'm looking for. And when I do, I'll come home. I'll come back and tell you all what it was like. What it's all about. What the point is. The reason. I'll find it. And I'll tell everyone. My journey begins here with these words etched into the fabric of the Internet. Or maybe it's already started... This is what I am here to do. This is who I am. My name is Jon, and... This is my story. Life's Wonderwall Ch. 02 ***Part 2. With more to come as time goes by. Thank you, and please comment/vote. ~ Floater_320*** God dammit! You know what pisses me off right now? Life. When you're born, no one gives you a "how to" manual. Nobody warns you how frustrating and absurd some things in life are. High on that list right now is people. Let's be realistic. 70% of the people you see in life are complete strangers. You'll see them passing by on the street, driving around in their cars to god knows where, or sitting and standing around in various shops and places. At first glance, do any of them give a crap about you? No. Should we expect to? Not really. It's very hypocritical of us to promote reaching out and helping each other through this difficult world. This principle is at the core of nearly every religion. And a lot of people out there follow some kind of religion. But do we really do that? Do you walk down a random street, spot a homeless man, and toss some coin his way? No. And I'm sure we all have our reasons. It's not we have to or anything. But I'm sick and tired of being told that it's every man for himself, but we should help each other. Which is it? Life is the world's hardest puzzle to solve. You get frustrated with it. You get stubborn and refuse help. You eventually give up, crumble it up into a ball, and throw at the wall in a fit. But that doesn't help us, now does it? We all know that eventually we have to get off our asses, walk over, pick it back up, and try again. When I look back on how I was in my childhood and early teens, I realize that life was a lot less complicated then. No responsibilities, no appointments, jobs, or worries. Does anyone remember back when they were at that age when you thought money came from mom and dad? When you had no idea what politics was, or why everyone gathered around the television to watch two guys talking? When you wondered why your mom or dad sat at the table, scratching pieces of paper with a pen for a couple of hours? Does anyone remember back when you were a kid, and you didn't know about all the things in life that we would have to deal with? When you could just laugh and play, and watch tv, and just enjoy yourself? Do you ever look back and wonder? I miss those days. It's hard sometimes to look back on those days, and decide if they were days of happiness or blissful ignorance. Or maybe both. I don't know anymore. I can't really decide. Maybe I'm reaching out to the wrong audience? I wouldn't say I had a bad childhood, but growing up, something were harder for me and my brothers than it was for other kids. My parents divorced when I was three. I was the middle child back then, and the only bright blonde haired one at that. Shortly after the split, it became apparent that my father was gay. I didn't learn this til I was ten, and when I look back, it made all too much sense. I mean, it must be pretty obvious when you visit your dad's house on the weekends, and on the ride there he's blasting Madonna and Whitney Houston. That always makes me and my brothers laugh. It was and is not a big deal to us. Just one of those things in life we dealt with. We still love our dad. Back to the matter at hand. I'll might tell you more about my mom next time, but let's get back to before this little tangent on my life's story, shall we? I think I can look back on my childhood and say with an honest face that it wasn't all that bad. It's a lot harder now, what with adulthood and everything. But I'm a man, and I'll just deal with it. But you know what? I wouldn't mind going back in time to when I was little. To be honest, my childhood wasn't all that long ago, and I want to see what I was like. I know i should have an idea based memory, but I want to see myself from an observer's point of view, you know? I wonder if everyone else feels the same way? It's impossible to say where I stand on my love/hate relationship with people. I'm still young, so it'll be awhile before I, or anyone else, can answer this. I'm still a bit pissed about not receiving any warning about life. But when you think about it, did anyone before us get any warning either? Probably not. So I guess that makes it about even. I should keep this little fact in mind for the future. It is every man and woman for themselves, but at the same time, it wouldn't hurt to help every now and then. With this in mind, I take my leave for the time being, and continue to live my life. To our past, let us take a bow. To our futures, let us say cheers. And as for today, let us smile.