2 comments/ 17296 views/ 3 favorites Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 01 By: AshiraDatya "Sara, wait!" a gruff voice called out. Sara turned around, her eyes filled with tears. "Hi Sam," Sara murmured. "How are you?" Sam asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'm alright. I can't believe he's gone," Sara said softly. "I know. He seemed to be doing so well," Sam agreed. Sara let her blue eyes settle on Sam's troubled face, his green eyes were dim, his complexion was pale. "How are you feeling?" Sara asked. "I've felt better," Sam admitted. "Have you told your mom that you're not feeling well?" Sara asked instantly, her eyes widening with worry. "I'm nineteen years old Sara, I know when I need to see a doctor," Sam said irritably. "I know, but David was nineteen and he still died," Sara reminded Sam. Sam sighed. "Sara, I'm not going to die. I just haven't been sleeping well since David was hospitalized," Sam told Sara. Sara sniffled. "Do you need a ride to the funeral?" Sam asked. "Yeah, that'd be great. Mom and Dad have been doing nothing but fighting since David died. Mom blames dad for David's death because they went ice fishing and dad blames mom for not making sure Kelsey knew how to properly do the back and chest thumps. "Ridiculous. Kel did a good job of doing the back and chest thumps," Sam said shaking his head. Sara nodded and looked up as a car horn honked. "There's mom. I'll see you tomorrow," Sara murmured. Sam nodded and pressed a kiss to Sara's cheek. Sam watched as Sara walked away and sighed. He had know Sara for the last fifteen years after meeting her brother David in the Intensive Care Unit while they were both battling a sinus infection. Both boys had Cystic Fibrosis and any infection could be life threatening. Sam sighed and turned as he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Hey Kels," Sam said with a kind smile. Kelsey smiled back and sniffled as Sam pulled her in for a hug. "You okay?" Sam asked. "No. We were going to be getting married this summer and now I'm alone," Kelsey whispered. "You aren't alone. You have Sara and me," Sam said stubbornly. "It isn't the same," Kelsey sniffled. "I know. Do you need a ride home?" Sam asked. "Please," Kelsey murmured. ~~~~~~~~~~ "How was school Sara?" her father asked as Sara and her mother walked in the door. "It was school," Sara said, dropping her bag into an overstuffed chair. "What's for dinner?" Sara asked. "Bubbe brought over a big pot of Matzo Ball Soup and Corned Beef from the Stage," her father answered. Sara smiled and grabbed a carrot off of the cutting board as she watched her father heating up the soup. He seemed to have aged ten years in the last few days, a tint of gray appearing in his chestnut brown hair. Sara glanced from her dad to her mother and sighed. "Mom, how was work?" Sara wanted to know. Her mother gave a sad smile. "If I hear one more person from that blasted office give their false condolences, then I'm going to lose what's left of my sanity," her mother said with a grin. Sara giggled. "Do you have any sanity left Joyce?" Sara's father asked, turning his sad brown eyes to his wife. "Very little Ben, do you?" Joyce countered, her pale blue eyes flashing with anger. Sara watched and shook her head as her parents began screaming at each other. "Shut up!" Sara shouted. "Just shut up!" Her parents looked at her in surprise. "Sara, honey," her mother began. "David would not want this! He would not want the two of you to fight like this! Can't you just stop blaming each other for David's death and accept the fact that this was out of both of your control?" Sara snapped. "If your father hadn't taken him ice fishing ..." Joyce began. "Then he could have picked up a bug from one of his brain dead classmates!" Sara shouted. "Your mother was supposed to show Kelsey how to do the back and chest thumps on David, and obviously the lesson didn't stick," Ben added. "Oh for fuck's sake! Kelsey was more than capable of giving David the back and chest thumps! I know because I've also shown her and I've watched her do them! You guys are just looking for a scapegoat! And I know you miss David, I miss David too, but grow up and start acting like you love each other!" Sara shouted. Sara sighed as the arguing began again, this time about how Sara was handling her brother's death. "That's it! I'm leaving and I'm not coming back until you either get a fucking divorce or start realizing that David's death was nobody's fault!" Sara shouted. She stalked from the kitchen and into the living room. She slid into her coat, grabbed her backpack from the chair and a plastic covered dress and ran from the house. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sara, what are you doing here?" Sam asked, his eyes wide. "Mom and dad won't stop fighting and I can't take it anymore. May I stay here for awhile? Please?" Sara whispered. Sam nodded and opened the door wider. "Sara, your parents are grieving," Sam reminded her. "I know, but all they've done since David died was fight over whose fault it was," Sara said with a sigh. Sam watched as Sara deposited her things in the hall closet and gave her a hug as she broke down in tears. "It's okay Sara, it's going to be okay," Sam murmured, holding her close. When it became clear to Sam that her crying wasn't going to subside anytime soon, Sam scooped her up and carried her to the couch. "I'm sorry," Sara whispered as she began to calm down. "It's okay Sara. Don't apologize for missing your brother and falling apart," Sam told her. "Are you hungry?" Sam asked after a minute. Sara nodded and Sam pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll order a pizza," he told her. When the pizza arrived, Sara was more composed but could only nibble at her slice. "Sara, eat," Sam insisted. "I can't," she whispered. "Why not?" Sam asked. "When I get upset, I can't really eat," Sara reminded. Sam sighed and turned her to face him. "What will it take to improve your mood?" Sam asked. "You could kiss me," Sara suggested, her voice just above a whisper. "What?" Sam asked in surprise. "Never mind," Sara murmured, her face flushed with embarrassment. "No, what did yo say?" Sam asked. "I said you could kiss me," Sara repeated. Sam grinned, leaned over and kissed her. He closed his eyes as he felt the softness of her lips. When they pulled apart, Sam was a little breathless, making Sara's eyes widen in alarm. "Are you okay? Do you need your vest?" Sara asked softly. Sam grinned and kissed her again. Sara moaned as he pulled her closer to him, his hands going up under her tee shirt to cup her breasts. "Sam," she whispered as they pulled apart again. "I shouldn't have done that," Sam muttered, pulling his hands away from her. "I didn't mind," Sara said shyly. Sam gave a wry smile. "I'm serious Sam, I didn't mind that you touched me," Sara insisted. Sam groaned as Sara pulled her tee shirt over her head. "Sara, what are you doing?" Sam asked, his mouth going dry. "I want you Sam," Sara whispered. "Sara," Sam began. He took a deep breath as Sara lowered her skirt down her legs. "What about Tory?" he asked. "We broke up six months ago," Sara said dryly. Sam leaned back over and kissed Sara again. Sara shivered as his hands stroked her back gently. She leaned away from him and slipped her panties down her legs without breaking the kiss. "Sara, what are you doing?" Sam groaned. "Please Sam, make love to me," Sara whispered. "Sara, you'll regret it if anything else happens," Sam warned. "No, I won't. I've wanted you for years," Sara whispered. Sam grinned. "Are you sure?" Sam asked. Sara nodded and watched as Sam pulled his own clothing off and let them drop to the floor. "I'm going to ask once more Sara, are you sure this is what you want?" Sam asked, his mouth dry, hoping in the back of his mind that she hadn't. "Fuck me Sam," Sara whispered. Sam pushed her back against the couch and covered her with his body. Sam kissed her as his hands roamed over her body before slipping up into her moist heat. "Sam!" Sara gasped, her hips lifting to meet his. "Don't make me wait any longer!" she whined. Sam chuckled and pushed his way into her. Sam's eyes widened as his cock pushed against a barrier. "Sara?" he asked. "Don't stop!" Sara gasped, closing her eyes. Sam groaned and pushed his way through her hymen. "Are you alright?" Sam asked. "I'm fine," Sara told him, lifting her hips towards his. She moaned as he slid deeper inside her. They moved together slowly, Sam kissed her hard before moving his lips to her neck and finally to her breasts where he began sucking lightly on a nipple. Sara tried to get him to quicken his pace but Sam was determined to take it slow. Finally, Sara's body tensed and she cried out loudly as her orgasm rushed over her. Sam moaned loudly as he exploded inside her. Sam looked at Sara in awe and rolled off of her. "How is it you were still a virgin?" Sam asked. "I told Tory that I wasn't going to have sex with him unless he wore a condom and he refused," Sara said. "So why were you willing to have unprotected sex with me?" Sam asked, his eye brow raised. "I don't have to worry about anything with you," Sara answered, sitting up and grabbing her neglected slice of pizza from her plate. Sam chuckled and headed into the bathroom. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sara, are you alright?" Joyce asked, grabbing her daughter and pulling her into a hug after she had walked into the funeral home. "I'm fine mom. I stayed at Sam's last night," Sara answered. "It's inappropriate for a young lady of your age to stay at a boy's house," Ben scolded. "What's he going to do Dad, knock me up?" Sara asked sarcastically. Ben grinned in spite of his anger. "It's not like I'm staying at some random guy's house that you don't know, it's Sam. He'd never do anything to take advantage of me," Sara said softly. Sam hoped that Ben and Joyce couldn't read the expression on his face because that is exactly what he felt had happened the night before. "We can talk about this later, it's almost time for the service," Joyce said softly. Sam held Sara's hand throughout the service, their eyes red from crying. It seemed so senseless that a nineteen year old kid was dead for no other reason that one of his genes mutated. Sara glanced at Sam and was worried when she saw the look on his face. She gave his hand a squeeze and he smiled slightly at her. When they arrived at the grave site a few minutes later, Sara and Sam surrounded Kelsey who looked worse off then they were. "Do you want to talk?" Sara asked softly, glancing over her shoulder to see her parents speaking with the Rabbi. "Maybe later," Kelsey answered. Sara gave her would be sister a tight hug and Sam wrapped his arms around both of them as they mourned the loss of David. They pulled apart as Ben and Joyce reached them. "Joyce, Ben, I'm so sorry," Kelsey said quietly. Joyce gave Kelsey a hug. "We know you loved David and that you miss him as much as we do," Ben managed. Sara gave her father a small smile and glanced back at Sam as he slipped his hand into hers. As the Rabbi began the service, Kelsey's knees began to waver and Sam slipped an arm around her waist and held her tightly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -8 days later- "Kels?" Sara asked, sliding into the chair across from her friend. "Hey Sar," Kelsey said softly. "How are you holding up?" Sara asked. "I'm okay. I miss David but ..." Sara nodded and smiled sympathetically. "He loved you so much," Sara told her friend. "He loved you too," Kelsey said. "Yeah, but I was his sister, he didn't have much of a choice," Sara teased. Kelsey laughed. "Kels, how are you really doing? I would have come sooner, but Shiva ..." Sara's voice trailed off. "I've been better, but I'm okay," Kelsey said. "Kels," Sara said, giving her friend a pointed look. "We were thinking about trying one of those new procedures to get pregnant after the wedding," Kelsey said finally. "How?" Sara asked "Men with CF are infertile because the van deferens is blocked," Kelsey began. Sara nodded. "There is a new procedure to extract the sperm that can't get through with a very thin needle and then use in vitro fertilization," Kelsey finished. "You guys would have made great parents," Sara said softly. "David was great with my nephew," Kelsey agreed. They talked for a while longer before Sara stood up. "I have to get going, I have class in an hour," Sara murmured. Kelsey nodded and gave Sara a hug. "Take care Kels," Sara added. "You too," Kelsey said before Sara walked away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sam?" Sara called, walking into his apartment through the slightly opened door. "What do you want Sara?" Sam asked tiredly. "Are you okay?" Sara asked, setting a grocery bag on the kitchen counter. Sam looked up as he unhooked the vest. "I'm fine. I didn't kick the door closed tightly and it popped open. What are you doing here?" Sam asked. "I thought I'd come make you dinner," Sara answered. "Come to play mommy?" Sam asked, putting his vest away. "What the hell has gotten into you?" Sara wanted to know. "Nothing, just go," Sam said bitterly. "Samuel Matthew Cohen, stop fucking around and talk to me!" Sara shouted. "I took advantage of you!" Sam finally exclaimed. "What? Don't be ridiculous," Sara said with a roll of her eyes. "I took your virginity while you were grieving for David. What would he have thought had he known?" Sam asked. "That it was about time," Sara said bluntly. "What?" Sam asked, his eyes widening. "David thought you'd be good for me," Sara told him. Sam laughed dryly. "How good for you can I be?" Sam asked. "Why don't you kiss me and find out?" Sara asked teasingly. "Sara, no," Sam said with a groan. "Why not? We're both adults; I'm eighteen and you're nineteen," Sara pointed out. "You're just a kid," Sam said. "I haven't been a kid in a long time Sam. Watching you and David live with CF made me grow up fast," Sara said softly. "Sara, just go away," Sam pleaded. "Don't you love me?" Sara asked. "That's beside the point," Sam said, running a hand through his hair. "I'm going to go take a shower, I'd really prefer if you were gone when I got out," he added. Sara sighed but walked into the kitchen to put away the groceries she had brought. While the shower was running, Sara quickly pulled together a chicken stir fry and put plates brimming with food on the dining room table and as the shower shut off, Sara slipped out of her dress and sat down in a chair. "You're still here aren't you?" Sam asked from the door way of the bathroom. "Yes. I came to make you dinner," Sara answered. Sam sighed, dried and pulled on his boxers and jeans, buttoning them as he walked. He stopped short and stared when he saw her sitting naked in one of his chairs. "It's getting cold," she added. Sam swallowed hard and sat down in the chair next to hers. They ate in silence and when Sam glanced over at Sara, he nearly choked on his broccoli. "What?" Sara asked innocently, rubbing a chopstick over her clit. Sam let his fork drop with a clatter before he stood up and scooped Sara into his arms. "You little tease," Sam groaned, dropping her to the couch. "Fuck me Sam," Sara murmured, her voice husky, her eyes going dark with desire. Sam quickly unbuttoned his jeans and dropped his clothing to the floor, and despite his better judgment, plunged into Sara hard and fast. "Oh God!" Sara groaned, her hips lifting to meet his. Sam chuckled and pushed into her harder and faster with each thrust. "You're beyond beautiful," Sam whispered. "I think you're killing me," Sara moaned. Sam chuckled and slipped almost the entire way out of her making Sara whimper longingly. "Patience," Sam told her, slipping his hand between them, his finger tracing the edge of her folds; Sara squirmed against him, crying out softly. "Patience," Sam repeated before bending down to capture a nipple in his mouth. "Sam!" Sara exclaimed. Sam chuckled, grabbed her hips with his hands and thrust into her hard and fast causing her to scream loudly. He repeated the hard thrusts until Sara's breath started to catch as he continuously hit her g-spot. "Sam!" she gasped. Sam thrust harder and faster as Sara moaned loudly, his breathing becoming irregular, uneven. Sara's eyes widened as she felt herself being lifted and tumbled over the edge of a cliff; she screamed before biting down on Sam's shoulder. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sam's eyes fluttered open as he heard the front door to his apartment open and close, his name was called from the hall way. His eyes widened as they focused on Ben, David and Sara's father. "Sara," Sam whispered, trying to shake her awake; he groaned when he realized he was hard and still buried deep inside her warmth heat. "Go back to sleep Sam," Sara murmured sleepily. "Sara, your dad," Sam whispered urgently. "Is home with my mom," Sara groaned. "I was at home with your mother," Ben said, standing over the couch, his expression fixed in an unapproving expression. Sara's eyes shot open and she gasped loudly. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the two of you have been doing," he added dryly. "Daddy, I ..." Sara trailed off, unsure of what to say. "Get dressed Sara, we're going home," Ben said. "No Dad, I'm staying here with Sam," Sara protested. "Sara Grace, get your ass off of that couch, get dressed and we are going home, NOW!" Ben roared, not used to being defied. "Daddy, please," Sara said softly. "NOW!" Ben thundered. "Sara, it's okay," Sam murmured as Ben stalked to the hallway. He pulled out of Sara with a regretful groan and pulled his clothing on. He watched Sara pull her panties and dress on before pulling her in for a hug. "I don't want to leave," Sara whispered. Sam gave her a gentle smile. "I'll be here later, I don't have to go back to work until next week. Call me later or if you can, stop back over," Sam told her. "Let's go Sara," Ben warned from the hall. Sara grabbed her back from the overstuffed chair before walking to where her father waited. Ben grabbed his daughter's arm and pulled her from the apartment. "Sam!" Sara exclaimed as Sam started to close the door behind them. Sara pulled out of her father's grasp and ran back to where Sam stood and threw her arms around him. "I love you Sam," she whispered. Sam swallowed over the lump in his throat and kissed her softly. "I love you too, now go, before you get into more trouble," Sam said softly. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "I don't want you to see Sam again Sara," her father said, pushing her into the kitchen of their home. "Why not?" Sara asked. "He's almost twenty years old Sara, he's too old for you," Ben answered. He glanced at Joyce who set mugs of steaming hot tea on the kitchen table. "Not to mention your brother just died and we only finished sitting Shiva yesterday," Joyce added. "I love Sam!" Sara exclaimed. "You're eighteen Sara, you just think it's love," Joyce said gently. "I've loved Sam for as long as I can remember, but I just got up the nerve to tell him!" Sara exclaimed. "You're young, it'll pass," Joyce told her daughter before taking a sip of her tea. "No mom, it won't!" Sara snapped. "Don't take that tone of voice with your mother," Ben warned. "So you can scream and yell at her, but when I'm upset, I have to keep my voice down? That's fucking ridiculous!" Sara shouted. "Keep it up Sara and I'll ship you to your uncle Matthew's," Ben warned. "I'm eighteen, you can't stop me from seeing anyone!" Sara reminded them. "As long as you ..." "Ben, enough, for tonight anyway. Sara, go to bed, we'll talk about this more later," Joyce said firmly, her tone of voice leaving no room for argument. Sara glanced at her parents once more time then fled upstairs, hot tears stinging her eyes. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 01 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Dad, what are you doing?" Sara asked. It had been over a month since Ben had pulled Sara from Sam's apartment and she had not been allowed out of the house, nor had she been allowed use of her phone. "Making arrangements for you to move to campus early," Ben answered. "I want to go out! I've been cooped up in this house for over a month!" Sara exclaimed. "I wanted to make sure you weren't pregnant," Ben told his daughter. Sara began to laugh, her laughter turning quickly to tears. "What's so funny?" Ben asked. "Sam has CF too; short of a few expensive medical procedures, he can't get anyone pregnant," Sara managed to say between gasps. Ben grinned in spite of his anger. "Dad, honestly, what is it about Sam that makes you dislike him so much?" Sara asked. "He's a nice boy Sara, but I want more for my daughter. You and Sam have no future together. They may have made advances with helping CF patients, but he still isn't expected to live past his forties, and having children will be, as you pointed out, difficult. I know you think you love Sam, and I don't doubt that you feel affection towards him; he was your brother's best friend. The two of you have been through a lot together," Ben said. "I'm not making this up dad, nor is it a passing feeling. I love Sam," Sara insisted. "Maybe. But for now, you're going to college, and you're leaving now," Ben told Sara, leaving no room for argument. For those of who are not familiar with Cystic Fibrosis, please contact me either with an email or on Instant Messenger. My yahoo ID is listed on my bio page. Thanks for reading! Oh, and if you want a reply, please leave an email address or user name for me to send a reply to. Ashira Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 02 Sorry it took so long for an update, life got in the way; I've been working on a research paper for a history class, it's due soon so once it's done I'll be able to kick out updates. Ashira * Sara sighed as she looked around the apartment her parents had found for her. It was a small one bedroom apartment with a fairly impressive kitchen and a beautiful bathroom which came, surprisingly with a jacuzzi tub. She looked up as her father walked in with the last box. "Will you be alright here?" Ben asked. "I'll be fine. Will you at least let me call Sam to let him know what's going on? I don't want him to hate me," Sara murmured. "I will let him know when I see him," Joyce promised. Sara waited an hour after her parents left her apartment before going to explore the town. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sam?" Sara asked, her heart pounding. "Sara? Whose number is this? Are you okay?" Sam rattled off question after question. "I'm fine. My dad kept me locked away to ensure that I couldn't see you. He wanted to make sure I wasn't pregnant," Sara said dryly. "Are you serious?" Sam asked. "As serious as a heart attack. He even moved me to college early; rented me a small but nice apartment. He still hasn't returned my cell phone so I got my own," Sara said. "You're in Ypsilanti already?" Sam asked. "Yes. If I give you my address will you come visit me?" Sara asked. "You still want me?" Sam teased. "Sam, if it hadn't been for the fact that my father treated me like a felon, I would have been over at your apartment every day," Sara said. "I have to work all week Sara, but I'll be up this weekend," Sam promised. "Promise?" Sara asked. "I'll be there with bells on," Sam said with a chuckle. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Sara flung the door open and burst out laughing when she saw Sam standing in the doorway with a string of bells around his neck. "I promised I'd be here with bells on," he reminded her. Sara flung her arms around his neck and buried her face into his neck. "I missed you too," Sam groaned, easing her into the apartment and closing the door behind him. "So what have you been doing?" Sara asked, munching on the cashews from Sam's plate of chicken and cashews. "Working and worrying about you," Sam answered. "I've been okay. Bored out of my mind, but okay," Sara sighed. "So your dad lost it huh?" Sam asked. "Oh yeah. I don't if it had more than you being David's best friend, David dying or just the fact that he doesn't want me having sex, but he literally locked me in the house for over a month," Sara said. They finished eating and washed the few plates and glasses by hand. "Let me show you campus," Sara suggested. Sam smiled and nodded before following her out the door. "So are you excited for classes?" Sam asked. "I'm more nervous than excited. David always told that his classes were hard," Sara answered as they walked into an ice cream shop. They each ordered an Italian ice before continuing their tour. "Classes won't be so bad. You're a great student," Sam told her. Sara smiled slightly and took a big bite of her lemon Italian ice. "If you say so," Sara muttered. They finished their Italian ice as they reached the apartment. "Did you bring your vest?" Sara asked. "No, I didn't. I thought about it, but it's a pain to lug around," Sam answered regretfully. Sara glanced at the clock and sighed. "When do you need your treatment?" Sara asked. "In about two hours," Sam admitted. He nearly laughed at the look on her face. "If you let me, I'll come back next weekend," Sam said softly. "I'd love for you to come back," Sara murmured. Sam kissed her gently and held her close. "I need to go Sar, I can feel it getting harder to breath," Sam said after a minute. Sara nodded and pulled something out of the drawer. "This is the spare, I had my land lord make two copies so that I could hide one in case I forgot mine. I'll make another copy, I want you to have this one, you can come and go as you please. I'll email you if I get a job," Sara told him. Sam smiled and kissed Sara again. "I'll see you Friday," he promised before slipping away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sara opened the door to her apartment and set her bag in the chair next to the door. "Hello?" she called out, noticing a faint light from the bathroom. As she walked through the kitchen, she noticed the pots of bubbling food, delicious smells wafted up from them making her mouth water. "Sam, are you here?" Sara called again. When she walked into the dining room, Sam was standing in the doorway to her bedroom. "Hey," Sam said shyly. "How long have you been here?" Sara asked. "A few hours. I wanted to surprise you," Sam answered. Sara walked quickly to him and hugged Sam tightly. "I love my surprise," Sara said with a smile. "Good. We have about another hour before the spaghetti sauce is done," Sam said with a grin. Sara took his outstretched hand and followed him into her bedroom. "Wow," Sara breathed, seeing the candles and flowers on her dresser. "I wanted this to be special," Sam told her, reached for her, pulled her to him and kissed her gently on the lips. "Sam," Sara whispered. They stumbled to the bed, pulling clothes off as they walked. Sam cupped her breasts with his hands as he kissed her hard; she moaned when his thumb flicked across her nipple. "You're beautiful," Sam murmured before he pressed his lips to her neck. He ran his fingers up and down her body, his lips following as he eased her down to the bed. "Sam," she moaned as his lips and fingers found her moist heat. Sam chuckled before he lapped at her like a dog would lap at water. Sara's hips lifted off the mattress as soft cries escaped her lips. Sam chuckled again as his tongue brushed along her clit while his middle finger searched for her g-spot and stroked it gently upon finding it. Sara moaned as his free hand reached up to play with a nipple making her whimper and gasp. "Sam!" she gasped, her hands digging into his hair. "Sam please!" Sara whimpered, her hips lifting towards his mouth. Sam continued to tease Sara until she was screaming, squirming against him. Sam grinned wickedly as his mouth drifted back towards Sara's neck; he thrust hard and fast inside her, the friction driving them both mad. They thrust together until they came with shaky screams; Sam collapsed against Sara, his eyes closed, his forehead pressed against hers. "I love you Sara," Sam whispered. Tears filled her eyes. "I love you too," Sara murmured. ~~~~~~~~~ "Oh my God Sam, where did you learn to cook like this?" Sara asked, dipping her garlic bread into the spaghetti sauce. "My mom's recipe," Sam answered with a toothy grin. "It's amazing," Sara moaned. Sam chuckled and took a large bite of his spaghetti. "I'll tell mom you liked it," Sam told her. -Later that night- "Sam?" Sara murmured, her eyes half closed, her head resting on his shoulder. "Yeah?" Sam asked groggily. "Have you ever thought of having children?" Sara asked. "Not really," Sam admitted. "Why?" he asked. "Kelsey and David were going to try medical procedures to have a baby," Sara answered. "They would have made great parents," Sam said. "I know." Sam looked over at Sara curiously. "If we end up getting married, would you consider trying to have at least one baby?" Sara asked. Sam sighed and sat up in the bed. "No," he said bluntly. "No?" Sara asked, a look of hurt crossing her face. "It isn't personal Sara, I would love to have a child, but I have CF and you're a carrier. I wouldn't want to pass CF on to a child," Sam said. Sara swallowed and sat up too. Sam sighed when he saw the hurt in her eyes. "Sara, I love you, and you'll make a great mom when your time comes, but we can't ever have a child together," Sam said gently. He tucked a stray strand of hair back behind her ear. "Sara, does that make sense to you?" he asked. Sara smiled and nodded. "Good night Sam," Sara said softly, laying back down. "Sara ..." "Good night Sam," Sara repeated. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "Morning," Sam said, looking up from his cup of coffee as Sara walked into the dining room. "Hi." Sara poured a cup of coffee and took a sip. "I'm sorry about last night. We've only been seeing each other for just over a month, it's way to soon to be talking about marriage let alone children," Sara murmured. Sam gave a small smile. "Besides, you're right; we shouldn't have children. The chances of them getting CF is too high," Sara added. Sam gave her a gentle hug. "Not to mention you're going into your Freshman year of college," Sam reminded her. Sara nodded and took another sip of her coffee. "I feel like an idiot for even asking it," Sara grumbled. Sam grinned. "Consider it forgotten," Sam told her. When they finished breakfast, the washed the dishes quickly before retreating to the bathroom to take a shower. "So, what do you want to do today?" Sara asked. "How about a movie?" Sam suggested. "Sounds good," Sara agreed as she ran the brush through her hair. "So what movie?" Sara asked. "How about 2010?" Sam suggested. "Sure," Sara agreed, grabbing her purse and following him out of the apartment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sara walked into her apartment and set her back pack down with a loud thud. It was the end of her first week of classes and she was beat. She walked into the kitchen, grabbed a can of tomato soup out of the pantry and heated it up on the stove before pouring into a large soup mug. She grabbed a coke from the fridge and saltines from the cupboard and headed for her computer. She smiled when she saw the email from Sam. SAMIAM: Hey Sara! CUTENSWEET: Hey Sam. :) SAMIAM: How was your first week? CUTENSWEET: Exhausting. Mom's called every night this week to check up on me. I don't remember her being like this with David. SAMIAM: You're her daughter and the baby of the family. What are you doing right now? CUTENSWEET: Eating tomato soup and talking to you. :P SAMIAM: Cute. When are you coming back to town? CUTENSWEET: I'm not. Mom and dad are bringing the holidays to me. SAMIAM: I figured they'd try something like that. Your dad was hostile to me yesterday when I ran into him at the market. CUTENSWEET: He's being a tyrant. He's driving me Nuts! SAMIAM: He loves you. CUTENSWEET: That's beside the point. : yawn : SAMIAM: Go finish your dinner and go to bed. CUTENSWEET: But I want to talk to you. : pouts : SAMIAM: Yeah, and I want to talk to you, but you've been working your ass off as far as classes and your new job goes. Finish your soup and go to bed, I'll see you next weekend. CUTENSWEET: You'll let me know how your appointment goes tomorrow? SAMIAM: Promise. Good Shabbos. I love you. CUTENSWEET: I love you too. Good Shabbos to you and your parents as well. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Sam walked into his mother's kitchen and grinned as he inhaled the smells wafting around him. "Sam, what a surprise," his mother said with a smile. She gave her only son a big hug. "I told you I would stop by for dinner one night this week, and I spoke to dad earlier and he said there was plenty," Sam answered. "How have you been feeling?" his mother wanted to know. "For crying out loud Deborah, leave the boy alone," Sam's father said, walking into the kitchen. Deborah shook her finger at her husband. "Jacob, I'm allowed to worry, I'm his mother," Deborah reminded him. Sam smiled at the exchange and grabbed a chunk of challah from the cutting board. "Samuel Aaron, you will wait for Kiddush," Deborah scolded. "Sorry mom, you know how I love Challah," Sam said sheepishly. He turned to his father who was washing his hands in the sink. "How's the shop?" he asked. "Things are going well. How is Sara liking school?" Jacob asked. "She likes it, but thinks it's harder than David made it seem," Sam answered. Deborah and Jacob exchanged glances. "What?" Sam wanted to know. "You and Sara have gotten very close haven't you?" Deborah asked. "Why are you asking this? What does it matter?" Sam wanted to know. "Her father wants to know if you are still seeing her," Deborah answered. "Then Ben can ask me himself," Sam said firmly. "Excuse me, I have some work to finish before Shabbos," he added before running up the stairs. -3 months later- Sara grabbed the phone on the fourth ring without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" she answered breathlessly. "Hey cutie," Sam said, his voice hoarse. "You sound awful," Sara commented. "Yeah, I have the flu," Sam admitted. "You're staying home then?" Sara asked. "Yeah, I don't want to risk it getting worse," Sam answered. "It's okay. Feel better," Sara murmured. They talked for a few minutes before hanging up. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sara, wait up!" she turned to see her lab partner running over. "Hi Shawn," Sara said with a small smile. "I was wondering if you wanted to go for pizza tonight," Shawn mumbled. Sara glanced at her watch; she had an online date with Sam at eight. "I have to be home by seven thirty," Sara cautioned. "No problem. I'll pick you up at your apartment at five thirty," Shawn said with a grin. "Okay," Sara murmured, clutching her books tighter in her arms. She hurried home to change her clothes; she hoped Sam wouldn't see this as betraying their relationship, but she really liked Shawn; he was sweet and charming, but not sickeningly so. His reddish brown hair was wavy and he had chestnut brown eyes that sparkled. Sara dropped her bag into the chair as she pulled the door closed and locked it quickly. Sara ducked into her bathroom, pulled her clothes off and jumped in the shower and bathed quickly. As she surveyed her clothes in her closet, she dialed Sam's number by memory. "Hey cutie," Sam answered. "Hey, how are you feeling?" Sara asked. "Better," Sam answered. "Good. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going out for pizza with my lab partner," Sara told him. "Your lab partner's a guy right?" Sam asked, his voice guarded. "Yeah. I'm buying my own food so it isn't like it's a date or anything," Sara answered. "Sara, you're eighteen and you're allowed to go out with other guys and have a good time. You're friends with Shawn, and you're allowed to have guy friends." Sam paused for a minute before asking, "Are you planning on having sex with him?" "What? No!" Sara exclaimed. "Okay, that's good. Have fun and I'll talk to you at eight," Sam told her before hanging up. ~~~~~~~~~~ "You look great," Shawn said with a grin when Sara pulled the door to her apartment open. Sara smiled and thanked him as she smoothed a wrinkle in her denim skirt. He led her to his jeep and held the door for her. "So, what do you like on your pizza?" Shawn asked as they poured over the menus. "Just cheese. I can't have meat and I have a problem with certain vegetables, but I don't mind pineapple," Sara answered, taking a sip of the glass of water on the table. When the waitress reappeared, Shawn ordered an order of cheese sticks, a large pizza, half with ground beef and half with cheese and pineapple as well as a pitcher of Pepsi. "So do you have a boyfriend?" Shawn asked, snagging a cheese stick after the waitress set the basket down in front of them. Sara took advantage of the appetizer and thought about how she would answer that as she chewed. "Yes," Sara answered finally. "Are you serious?" Shawn asked. "We've only been dating a few months; we hooked up after my brother died," Sara answered. "I'm sorry about your brother. How did he die and how did you meet your boyfriend?" Shawn asked. "David had Cystic Fibrosis. When David was five, he got a bad case of pneumonia and had to be put in Intensive Care. Sam was David's roommate. They became really good friends, so I've known Sam as long as I can remember. He was my rock when David died," Sara answered. It was Shawn's turn to chew thoughtfully on a cheese stick. "How serious are you? Is he going to get jealous that you went out on a date?" Shawn asked. "I don't think Sam gets jealous. We haven't discussed if we're exclusive or not," Sara answered. She looked up as the pizza was set on the table. "So what exactly is Cystic Fibrosis?" Shawn asked. Sara chewed and swallowed her bite of pizza and wiped her mouth. "CF is a horrible, horrible genetic disease. You know how the human body has mucus in it?" Sara grinned at the look on Shawn's face as he nodded slowly. "We all have some, it helps keep germs and bacteria from attacking vital organs. In patients with CF, it's thicker than normal and it coats organs it shouldn't. It can clog up the lungs and digestive track. It gets so thick that it traps bacteria and germs and causes some serious infections which can be life threatening since the immune system is already compromised. The shrink David saw when he was in his teens compared the immune system of a patient with CF to that of a patient of HIV or AIDS. The disease isn't what kills you, it's the infections your body is unable to fight off," Sara said. "That sounds awful," Shawn murmured, taking a large bite of his pizza. Sara nodded. "Watching David the last few weeks of his life were awful. He got sick a few months before he was supposed to be married. He and his fiancee were going to try to have children," Sara said softly, her eyes filling with tears. She looked surprised when Shawn reached over and wiped a tear away. "Were you close?" Shawn asked. "Very. We were only eighteen months apart and despite David being sick, he never let it get him down," Sara said. She took a sip of her Pepsi and took a breath to calm herself. When they were done eating, Shawn drove Sara back to her apartment. "Would you like to come up and watch a movie?" Sara invited. "Your boyfriend won't mind?" Shawn asked. "Sam isn't like that, besides, I'm allowed to have friends," Sara told him. Before Shawn could answer, Sara's cell phone rang. "Deborah, what's wrong?" Sara asked instantly. Shawn watched as all the color drained from Sara's face. "Give me a few hours," Sara promised, hanging up the phone. "What's wrong?" Shawn asked. "Sam was found unconscious in his apartment this afternoon; he was getting over the flu and he couldn't kick it," Sara answered, her voice trembling. "Let me drive you to the hospital," Shawn volunteered. "Thanks. Give me ten minutes to go grab some stuff and I'll be back down," Sara said with a small smile. ~~~~~~~~ "Where is he? How's he doing?" Sara asked, running over to Deborah and Jacob. "He's in the ICU, harassing the nurses as usual," Jacob answered. Sara laughed despite the fact that hot tears were welling in her eyes. "Who's your friend?" Jacob wanted to know. "I'm Shawn, Sara's lab partner. We were studying for an exam when your wife called," Shawn answered. Sara glanced at him with a grateful look. She didn't know how much Sam's parents knew, but she didn't want them to think she was giving up on Sam. "May I see him?" Sara asked softly. "He's in room three. Don't forget the gear," Deborah said, her voice equally as quiet. Sara nodded and headed towards the clean room. "Gear?" Shawn asked. "When a patient is as sick as Sam is, protective gear has to be worn over the clothes of any visitor," Deborah explained, her eyes locking on Sara as she walked into Sam's room. "Why didn't you tell me you were still sick?" Sara asked, her hands on her hips. "I didn't want to worry you," Sam answered. "That worked well," Sara said sarcastically. "Cute," Sam groaned. Sara's gaze softened and she dropped to the chair at the side of the bed. "How was your date?" Sam asked. "It wasn't a date Sam, and I'm not here to talk about Shawn," Sara argued. Sam glanced out the window. "He came with you?" Sam asked. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 02 "He was just dropping me off when your mom called and I was too upset to drive," Sara answered defensively. "Relax Sar, I'm glad he drove you, I wouldn't have wanted you to get in an accident," Sam said, holding his hands up with a grin. "How are you feeling?" Sara asked, alarmed at how pale he looked. "I'm fine Sara, it's just pneumonia," Sam answered. "Just pneumonia my ass! That's like saying, I'm fine, it's just Leukemia," Sara said, returning to sarcasm. "I'm going to be fine Sara, I promise," Sam murmured, correctly interpreting the look on her face. "That's what David said," Sara whispered. Sam reached out and took Sara's hand. "I'm not David. I'm not going anywhere," Sam promised. "When your mom called, my heart just about stopped," Sara told him, her voice soft. "I'm okay Sara, really. I'm just having a hard time kicking this bug," Sam assured her. They both looked up as Deborah walked into the room. "Mom, what is it?" Sam asked, not bothering to hide his irritation. "Sara, your parents are here," Deborah told Sara. Sara swallowed hard, panic setting in. "They still disapprove of you dating Sam don't they?" Deborah asked. Sara nodded. "Deborah, no matter what you and Jacob hear me tell my parents, I love Sam," Sara murmured. Deborah nodded and looked up as her husband appeared in the doorway. "Sara, your parents would like to see you," Jacob said. Sara glanced at Sam who gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before Sara left the room. ~~~~~~~~ "Hi," Sara said. "What are you doing here Sara?" Ben asked. "I'm visiting Sam, I heard he was sick," Sara answered. "Are you and Sam still fucking?" Ben wanted to know. Sara's eyes widened and she blushed, glanced at Shawn who looked embarrassed for her. "Mom, Dad, this is Shawn, my lab partner and my boyfriend," Sara introduced, changing the subject. Ben looked annoyed at that, Joyce looked relived and Shawn looked confused for a moment, but when he caught a glimpse of Sara's face, he shrugged it off. "How long have you been dating?" Joyce asked. "A few weeks," Sara lied. "Sara Grace Levine, why didn't you say anything?" Joyce wanted to know. "Because it's my life and none of your business," Sara said grumpily, still pissed about the way her parents handled her relationship with Sam. Sara looked up as Kelsey ran off the elevator. "Kel!" Sara exclaimed, giving her friend a hug. "Oh God Sara, how's Sam? I came as soon as I heard!" Kelsey panted. "Sam's making bad jokes," Sara said with a giggle. Kelsey breathed a sigh of relief and glanced curiously at Shawn. "I think we're going to go see Sam," Joyce told them before leading her husband away. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "Are you here to tell Sara that she can't be friends with me?" Sam asked. "No," Joyce said. "Then why?" Sam asked. "Sam, we want to clarify why we told Sara she couldn't be in a relationship with you." Sam waited for Joyce to continue. "We don't want Sara to be hurt by the death of someone else she loves. She's already lost David this year and Leslie died last year and Ruth isn't doing well," Joyce said gently. Sam nodded, the loss of his friends weighed deeply on his mind. "I love Sara," Sam said quietly. "We know that. We knew that from the way you looked at her during David's funeral," Ben chimed in. "If you didn't have CF Sam, we would encourage your relationship with Sara," he added. "Yeah, but at least you don't have to worry about me getting Sara pregnant," Sam reminded Ben. Ben shuddered at the thought and Sam chuckled. Sam groaned as the chuckle turned into a cough. Joyce poured Sam a glass of water and helped him drink. "We won't allow you and Sara to date, or have sex, we don't want her to be hurt if you don't recover from a future illness, she's lost too many loved ones already, but we won't oppose the friendship you had before David died," Joyce told him gently. Sam sighed but nodded. "I understand, but I don't like it, and if Sara decides to date me, or even allow me to make love to her, you can't stop her," Sam reminded Joyce. "We'll transfer Sara out of state if we have to," Ben threatened. Sam sighed again. "Don't make us do that," he added before leading his wife from the room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You must be Shawn," Sam said as he and Sara walked into the room. "Sam, you should rest, you look exhausted," Sara told him. "I will. After the three of us talk," Sam promised. "It's nice to meet you, I just wish it were under ..." Shawn began. "Different circumstances, yeah, I know. Look, I'm going to cut to the chase because as Sara pointed out, I'm exhausted. Sara, your parents threatened to move you out of state if we started seeing each other again. I'm guessing you told them Shawn was your boyfriend," Sam began. Sara blushed and nodded. "It's okay, I understand why you said it. It was good thinking. Now, Shawn, if it's okay with you, this is what we're going to do," Sam added. Sara grinned when she heard Sam's plan. "Shawn?" Sara asked softly. "I'll go along with it for now," Shawn said finally. Sara gave him a soft smile before pressing a kiss to Sam's forehead, the crinkle of the paper mask breaking the soft silence of the room. "Sleep," she murmured, standing up and leading Shawn from the room. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 03 Sara dropped onto the stool next to Shawn just before the professor walked in. "Good timing. How's Sam?" Shawn asked. "He went home this morning," Sara answered. "That's good," Shawn said. Sara nodded and they turned to pay attention to the lecture. When the lecture was over, they filed out of the lecture hall. "Do you want to go have lunch?" Shawn asked. "I'd love to," Sara agreed. Shawn smiled and slipped his hand into Sara's as they walked to the dining hall. ~~~~~~~~~~ Sara dropped ice cubes in glasses and poured cola over the ice as she thought about the predicament she was in. She loved Sam, but she also cared for Shawn and she had no idea about what to do. "What movie did you bring?" Sara asked Shawn as she walked into the living room. "Batman Begins," Shawn answered. Sara smiled and set the tray of soda and popcorn on the coffee table. "Is that okay?" Shawn asked. "It's cool, I love Batman," Sara told him. Shawn handed her the DVD and she popped it into the player and settled back next to Shawn and grabbed a handful of popcorn. Shawn glanced at Sara as her head lowered to his shoulder and smiled softly, reached for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. Sara reached into the bowl for popcorn at the same time as Shawn and their hands brushed against each other. Sara gave an awkward smile as she munched on popcorn. Sara knew she should probably pull her hand away from Shawn's, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. When the movie was over, Sara stood up and led Shawn to her bedroom. "Sara, are you sure?" Shawn asked as he watched her pull her sweatshirt over her head. Sara nodded and let her jeans drop to the floor. "I need this Shawn," Sara whispered. Hesitantly, Shawn removed his own clothing and took a step towards the bed. Sara's eyes fixated on Shawn's cock; it was hard, wide and long; much bigger than she would have imagined. Shawn covered the distance between them quickly and slid two fingers into her warm, damp heat making her moan and arch against him. "Are you absolutely sure?" Shawn asked again. "Fuck me Shawn," Sara whispered, pressing her lips against his. Shawn groaned as he thrust slowly into her. Sara gasped as inch of delicious inch eased into her, filling her, stretching her. Sara squirmed against him, causing him to push into her deeply. The rhythm was slow and steady as their bodies moved against each other. The friction was almost unbearable and Sara let out a shaky moan as Shawn began to suck gently on a nipple. "Shawn," she whispered weakly; she could feel her orgasm building and she felt like she was standing precariously on the edge of a cliff. Shawn whispered something in her ear as he stuck his hand between them to play with her clit and Sara came with an almost ear shattering scream; Shawn let out a deep groan as his seed burst from his body into hers. They held each other as they tried to catch their breath. "Are you alright?" Shawn asked. "Yes," Sara whispered as he pulled away from her. Her eyes widened and she looked down when she felt the mixture of their fluids run down her legs. Shawn's eyes followed hers and he swallowed hard. "Are you on the pill?" he asked quietly. Sara shook her head. "But you and Sam have had sex, why haven't you used the pill?" Shawn wanted to know. "He can't get anyone pregnant, not from sex," Sara whispered, her mind going a million miles an hour as thoughts chased each other around the imaginary race track in her mind. Shawn said nothing to that and reached for Sara's hand. "Sara, look at me," Shawn said softly. Sara looked up at him, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. "If something comes of this, I'll be here with you," he told her gently. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hey Sam," Kelsey greeted. Sam looked up and smiled, not surprised to see her in the library, she practically lived in the stacks. "How are you doing Kels?" Sam asked. "Better. I needed to talk to you about something," Kelsey said, her voice quiet, her eyes hinted to nervousness. "Sure, let's go back to my apartment," Sam told her, leading her out of the library. "So, how'd you know I'd be at the library today?" Sam asked. "You're at the library every Sunday," Kelsey said. Sam smiled as he drove the ten minutes to his apartment. "So what's up?" Sam asked, handing Kelsey a glass of water. "Did Sara tell you what David and I were going to do?" Kelsey asked. "The artificial insemination? Yeah," Sam answered. "David's already done his part, they've already extracted the sperm," Kelsey began. Sam waited for her to continue, his eye brow raised in curiosity. "I want to have it done, I want to have David's baby," Kelsey added. "I think that's great," Sam said. "The thing is, the clinic we chose won't do it on single women. In order for me to be artificially inseminated, I have to be married," Kelsey told him. "But David's dead," Sam reminded her. Kelsey winced. "I know. I was hoping that as David's best friend, you could help me out with that," Kelsey murmured. "Excuse me?" Sam asked, taken aback. "It doesn't have to be forever, just until I'm pregnant and then we can start working on a divorce," Kelsey said hurriedly. Sam stared at Kelsey in surprise and she stood up. "Take some time, think about it, talk it over with Sara. I have to go," Kelsey said in a rush before fleeing from the apartment. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 04 "Sam, it's Sara, can you come over? I need to talk to you," Sara said nervously into the phone. "Yes. I have to talk to you too," Sam told her. "I'll see you in an hour," he added. Sara swallowed hard when she heard Sam knock on the door. She knew it could only be Sam; her parents were out of the country and Shawn was in class, where she should be but she was skipping, taking the day to study and stew about her predicament. "Hey," Sam said with a wry smile as Sara pulled the door open. "How was your weekend?" Sara asked. "Interesting, yours?" Sam accepted the glass of water she handed him. "The same." Sara closed the door, walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. "I have a confession to make," Sara murmured. "Are you okay?" Sam asked. "I had sex with Shawn!" Sara blurted out. "When?" Sam asked after a minute. "A few nights ago," Sara said. "I'm so sorry! I never meant to, it just sort of happened and ..." Sam stopped the flow of words by kissing her gently. "It's okay," Sam murmured. "What do you mean it's okay?" Sara asked. "You're young Sara, you're in college and it's only natural that you'd be attracted to other guys," Sam said. "But I didn't just become attracted to another guy, I had sex with one!" Sara exclaimed. "Sara ..." "And we forgot a condom," she whispered. Sam's mouth fell open; he would never have thought she would be that forgetful. "I know, it was really stupid," Sara told him. Sam gave her a kind smile. "You're entitled to make mistakes Sara, you're human. I still care about you," Sam said gently. "Just care?" Sara asked. "Sara, I'll always love you," Sam told her with a soft smile. "But?" Sara asked. "You deserve to be with someone who has a chance of being with you in thirty years," Sam told her. Sara swallowed. "And you deserve to be with someone who doesn't spend the majority of their lives in the Intensive Care Unit," he added. "Sam, shouldn't it be my choice?" Sara asked. "Do you like Shawn?" Sam asked. Sara nodded. "Did you like having sex with him?" "Yes," Sara whispered. "Then I think you just made your choice," Sam said gently. "Kelsey wants to go ahead with the in-vitro," Sam told her. "Good for her," Sara said with a genuine smile. "The clinic she and David went to won't do it unless she's married," Sam said. "But David's dead," Sara reminded Sam. Sam nodded. "She asked if I would marry her. Just long enough to help her get the in-vitro done and to take," Sam added. The look of shock on Sara's face would have made Sam laugh if it hadn't been for the topic they were discussing. "Are you going to do it?" Sara asked. "I was thinking about it," Sam admitted. "How seriously?" Sara asked. "It depends on what you think," Sam said. Sara picked up her glass of water with shaky hands and took a sip. "Sara, are you okay?" Sam asked gently. Sara nodded. "I think you should do it. Kels would make a great mother and I know my mom would be glad to have a grandchild by David," Sara told Sam. "Are you sure?" Sam asked. "I'm positive. Besides, didn't we just break up?" Sara asked softly. Sam winced. "It's okay Sam, really. We make better friends anyway," Sara admitted. Sam nodded, remembering the fight they'd had the last time they had spoken. Sam gave Sara a tight hug. "I have to go kid, I have a check up in a few hours," Sam told her. "Let me know how it goes," Sara murmured. Sam nodded and pulled on his jacket. "Sara, do yourself a favor and make sure Shawn suits up next time," Sam said with a grin. Sara blushed and nodded as her first real love walked out the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sara, are you okay? What happened with Sam?" Shawn asked as Sara slid into the booth across from him, the oak table lodged between them. "We broke up," Sara answered. "And he's going to marry David's fiancee so that she can have the in-vitro done and have David's baby," she added. "Are you okay?" Shawn asked again. "I'm a little surprised, but yeah," Sara murmured. "And is there any news about how much we're going to pay?" Shawn asked awkwardly. "What?" Sara asked. "For not using a condom. Do you know if you're pregnant or not?" Shawn asked softly. "It's only been four nights," Sara reminded him. "So too soon?" Shawn muttered. "Just a little. It's going to take a few weeks before I'll even know if I need to test," Sara told him. She looked up as the waitress set the pizza in front of them. "Suddenly I'm not hungry," Sara grumbled as she started to slide out of the booth. "Sara, wait, please. I'm sorry. I've just been on pins and needles; I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else, I've even failed an exam," Shawn apologized. Sara sighed but sat back down. "I'm sorry too. I've been a little up tight about all of this," Sara admitted. Shawn gave a small smile and pulled a slice of pizza from the tray and onto his plate. "Eat," Shawn encouraged. Sara chuckled and grabbed a slice for herself. "How'd you do on the exam?" Shawn asked Sara. "Miserably," Sara admitted, taking a large bite of her pizza. "I'm sorry, I should have been more prepared," Shawn apologized. "You aren't the only one to blame, and besides, the odds of me actually being pregnant is slim to none," Sara told him. Shawn gave a relieved smile and took another slice of pizza. "I move that we forget about our lapse in judgment, at least until we are given a reason to worry," Sara said, taking a long drink of her pepsi. "I second the motion," Shawn said with a grin. They clanked their classes together and laughed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -3 weeks later- "Are you sure about this?" Sam asked Kelsey as they walked into city hall. "I want to have David's baby Sam, but if you don't want to do this, I'll understand," Kelsey told him. "I want to help you," Sam said. Kelsey took a shaky breath as Sam opened the door. "After you," Sam murmured. "Wait!" Sam and Kelsey turned around to see Sara and Shawn running towards them. "You need witnesses, right?" Sara asked after catching her breath. Kelsey nodded. "I hope you don't think that I'm betraying David," Kelsey told her friend as Sara gave her a hug. "I know you're not," Sara assured her friend. "Your parents think I am," Kelsey muttered. "The hell with what my parents think," Sara snapped. Kelsey raised her eye brows and Sam grinned. "Hear hear!" Sam agreed, leading Kelsey and Sara into the building. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You okay?" Shawn asked as he walked Sara up to her apartment. "Just tired. It's been a long week," Sara said as she unlocked the door. "Have you heard back from your doctor?" Sam asked. "Not yet," Sara said as she picked up the pile of mail. "I take it back, here are the blood test results," she announced as she sifted through the envelopes. "Well?" Shawn asked after a minute. Sara handed him the letter and disappeared into the bedroom. "Sara, we need to talk about this," Shawn said as he tried to follow her after scanning the letter quickly. "Can you just go Shawn? I'm exhausted," Sara murmured. "No Sara, we need to talk about this," Shawn said, turning the door knob. "I don't want to talk right now Shawn," Sara told him as he walked into her bedroom. "What do you want?" Shawn asked, sitting down on the bed, watched her carefully. Sara was sitting on the bed with her knees in her chest and her chin rested on the top of her knees. "For all of this to go away," Sara whispered. She finally looked up at him and Shawn sighed when he saw the tears streaming down her face. "Are you talking an abortion?" Shawn asked, the thought making his stomach churn. "I don't know," Sara admitted. She sniffled and Shawn moved closer to wipe them away. "I mean, I'm only eighteen and I'm in my first year of college! I don't want to be known as a slut or easy because I'm not!" Sara wailed. "You aren't easy and you aren't a slut," Shawn said firmly. "But people will assume I am," Sara whispered. "Don't worry about what others think," Shawn told her. "My parents are going to kill me," Sara groaned, not hearing her front door open and close. "What is this about the two of you standing up for Sam and Kelsey?" an angry voice roared from the hall. Sara jumped and looked past Shawn to see her parents standing in the doorway. "But it isn't something we'll kill you over," her father added. "How did you get in?" Sara asked. "Spare key," her mother answered. "You look awful, are you alright?" Joyce wanted to know. "I'm fine mom, just tired. It's been a long week," Sara told her mother, running her hands down her face. "What's this?" Ben asked, picking up the paper that Shawn had set on the bed next to Sara's leg. "Personal," Sara started to say as she exchanged a nervous look with Shawn. "Please tell me this is a joke," Ben said, his voice low, dangerous. "I'm sorry dad," Sara whispered. The look on her father's face made her slide back on the mattress, away from her enraged father. "What is it Ben?" Joyce asked. Ben handed his wife the paper and Sara winced at the gasp of shock that came from her mother. "Oh Sara, how could you?" Joyce asked, her voice full of emotion. "Let's go Joyce," Ben said. The look on his face showed his rage, and when Shawn looked over at Ben, swallowed hard; the look on Ben's face looked like that of a mad man's and it was all Shawn could do to keep from panicking. "What are you going to do?" Joyce asked. "Let's go now Joyce. She isn't our daughter any longer," Ben said harshly. "Now wait just a second here!" Joyce exclaimed. "No, I will not wait just a second. I allowed you to be the primary parent in the home because that is what you wanted. Under your care, our son became engaged with a bimbo who couldn't properly learn how to do the back and chest thumps required to keep our son alive and our daughter got herself knocked up!" Ben shouted. "Daddy please!" Sara whispered, tears streaming down her face. Ben turned to face Sara again. "My daughter is a smart, beautiful young woman with a bright future ahead of her. You maybe beautiful, but you are a dumb little whore with no future and you sure as hell aren't my daughter anymore," Ben said, his voice a low growl. "Let's go Joyce, NOW!" he added as he turned on his heel and walked out of the apartment. "Mommy?" Sara asked, her voice small and scared. "Your father will cool down in time Sara. This is a shock to both of us. We never thought you would make a mistake like this," Joyce told her daughter. "I'm scared mom," Sara whispered. "I know. I'll call you tomorrow," Joyce said, tensing when Ben shouted for her to hurry up. She gave Sara one last look before she walked away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Mr. Lawson, what are you doing here?" Sara asked her landlord, holding on to her door for support. "I got a call from your father earlier today. He's canceling your lease," Mr. Lawson replied. "What? I thought he paid for the entire semester?" Sara gasped. "He did. He asked for a refund on the unused rent. I also got a call from your mother stating in no uncertain terms was I to evict you from this apartment," Mr. Lawson told her. "What are you going to do?" Sara asked, her eyes wide. "I have to issue the refund check, your father's name is on the lease. Unless you can come up with a two hundred dollar security deposit and a seven hundred dollar rent payment, I need you out of here by the end of the week," Mr. Lawson answered. "How am I supposed to get nine hundred dollars by the end of the week?" Sara asked. "I don't know, and I don't care as long as you don't bring illegal activity into my building. You have until five Friday afternoon," Mr. Lawson said before he walked away. Sara closed the door, her body shook with the force of her sobs; she sank to the ground and wrapped her arms around herself. Sara ignored the sound of the buzzer and wished she could just slip away to somewhere safe, she wanted to be anywhere but where she was. Before she knew what was happening, Sam, Kelsey and Shawn were in the apartment. "Sara, what the hell is going on? We've been ringing that buzzer for nearly a half hour!" Sam exclaimed. "Just leave me alone!" Sara whimpered. Shawn and Sam exchanged worried glances. "Sara, we can't help you if you don't tell us what's going on," Kelsey said soothingly. "Dad canceled the lease and asked for a refund on the rent from Friday until the end of the semester. Unless I can come up with nine hundred dollars, I have to be out by five on Friday!" Sara wailed. Sam looked shocked, Kelsey looked disgusted and Shawn just looked ready to bolt. He'd had over a week to think about the situation he and Sara had found themselves in and he knew he wasn't anywhere near ready for reality to slap him in the face, but it had, and now, he had no clue as to what to do. "We'll help you Sara," Kelsey said softly, pulling her friend in for a hug. "Anyway we can," Sam agreed. "You can't. You're both in hot water with my dad as it is," Sara protested. "The hell with your father!" an angry voice exclaimed from the doorway. "Mom," Sara murmured as she watched her mother and grandmother walk into the apartment. "What are you doing here?" she wanted to know. "We need to talk," Joyce answered. "We'll leave you guys alone," Kelsey murmured. "No, Kels, you and Sam can stay. You're both family and this is a family matter," Joyce said firmly. She turned back to Sara. "Sara, go into the bathroom, wash your face and pull yourself together. Kelsey, could you boil some water for tea or cocoa?" Joyce asked. Kelsey nodded and headed for the kitchen while Sara was lead to the bathroom by Sam who had a look of concern on his handsome face. "You look absolutely terrified," Joyce told Shawn. "I am. I'm eighteen and no where near ready for a baby," Shawn admitted. "I know what you mean, and I sympathize, but at the same time, if you leave my daughter high and dry, I will hunt you down and kill you," Joyce said, keeping her voice low. Before anything else could be said, Kelsey walked into the dining area with a tray of coffee mugs, packets of tea and hot chocolate. Sara and Sam returned from the bathroom a few minutes later. "Feel better?" Kelsey asked Sara gently. "A little," Sara said softly, taking a mug and a cocoa packet. "I still don't know what I'm going to do," she sighed. "I mean, I have to move by Friday, so I have to start packing," Sara tore the packet open and dumped it into the hot water. "No you don't," Joyce told Sara. "But dad canceled the lease," Sara reminded her mother. "I know. You're going to sign a lease in your name," Joyce said. "With what money?" Sara asked. "With your trust money," Sara's grandmother took that moment as the one to speak up. "But grandma, dad will be furious with you," Sara protested. "I couldn't give one rat's ass about how furious your father will be with me for helping my only granddaughter in her time of need." She turned her attention to Shawn who was fidgeting with his mug. "We haven't been introduced yet. My name is Abigale but people call me Abby," she told him. "I'm Shawn," he mumbled. "You're the young man that got my granddaughter in trouble," Abby said in her matter of fact way. Shawn glanced at Sara with her tear streaked face and red puffy eyes and nodded. "It happens to the best of us," Abby told Shawn as she gave him a kind smile. "Sara, don't look so upset. Your life isn't over, just changing. Now, you can live quite comfortably for a short while in this one bedroom apartment, even with a baby. You don't have to worry about the cost of rent, or daycare. Your rent will be paid, no matter the cost until you graduate, or become able to make the money on your own. Don't worry about what your father says, leave him to me," Abby told Sara. "Grandma, you don't have to do that," Sara murmured. "And why not? You're my granddaughter," Abby snorted. "I'm not even sure if I'm going to have the baby," Sara whispered. "And what are you considering? Adoption?" Abby asked, her eyes going narrow. "Abortion," Sara admitted, casting a glance at Shawn. "No," Shawn spoke up. "No?" Sara asked in surprise. "I'll sign up my parental rights if that's what you want, but abortion is a sin," Shawn told her. "I didn't know you're religious," Sara said. "I'm not. My parents and grandmother are, but I'm not. I still don't believe in abortion unless it's medically necessary," Shawn answered. "I didn't know you had a say in what I do to my own body," Sara snapped. "But you wouldn't be doing it to your own body, you'd be doing it to your child's. The child you created with Shawn," Abby sided with Shawn. "Alright, no abortion," Sara agreed with a weary sigh. "Now, let's go down to the leasing office and sign the lease into your name and pay up the rest of the year," Abby told Sara. Abby glanced at Shawn. "Will you be moving in to help out?" Abby asked. "We haven't talked about anything yet, we haven't had a chance," Shawn admitted. "We'll put your name on the lease just in case. In any case, it'll look good on your credit report," Abby told him. She stood up and headed towards the door, glancing back only once to make sure she was being followed. When Sara and Shawn were left alone, Sara was beyond drained. Shawn handed her a bowl of tomato soup before dropping to the recliner with his own bowl. "Do you want me to move in?" Shawn asked before taking a bite. "Can we talk about it in the morning? I just want to eat and go to bed," Sara asked, her voice just above a whisper. Shawn nodded and they ate in silence. Shawn watched her as Sara made her way into the kitchen to put her bowl in the sink. "Are you okay?" Shawn asked gently as he walked into the kitchen behind her. He set his own bowl and glass into the sink before placing his hands over her shoulders. "I'm scared Shawn," Sara whispered. "So am I," Shawn admitted. He turned her around to face him and took her hands in his. "I meant what I said, if you want to put the baby up for adoption, I'll sign the form, but if you decide to keep the baby, I'll be here every step of the way," Shawn promised. "What made you into such an upstanding guy?" Sara wanted to know. "I can count the number of times I've seen my father on one hand; he walked out on mom before I was born; I promised myself that if I were ever in a relationship with a girl and she got pregnant, that even if the kid wasn't mine, I'd stick by her and help her out," Shawn answered. "You're a sweet guy, but God, how will we explain our relationship to a child?" Sara asked. "I don't know, but we'll have a few years before the question of how we met even gets brought up," Shawn reminded her. Sara nodded and yawned. "Go to bed Sara, you need to rest," he said before gently kissing her cheek. Shawn pulled away from Sara and headed for the door. "Shawn," Sara called. He turned back towards her. "Please stay tonight," Sara murmured. Shawn nodded and returned to her side. "Let's get you into bed," Shawn insisted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sara walked into the apartment and dropped her book bag into a chair and groaned as she made her way to the answering machine. She pushed play and grabbed a hair tie off of the shelf on the window sill as she listened. "Sara, it's Sam. Kelsey's been in an accident and she's asking for you. U of M, emergency department. Please hurry." Sara scribbled a note for Shawn, grabbed her purse and keys and hurried out the door. "Sam, what happened?" Sara asked as she was led back to the exam room. "She was blind sided when she left Trader Joe's," Sam answered. "Is she going to be okay?" Sara wanted to know. "Yes, thankfully. I'm almost glad that the clinic made us wait to perform the in-vitro procedure," Sam said, running his fingers through his hair. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 04 "That's next week right?" Sara asked. Sam nodded. "Though it might get pushed back now, depending on how severe Kelsey's injuries are," Sam muttered. He studied Sara carefully and gave her a small smile. "How are you?" he wanted to know. "I'm doing okay," Sara said with a shrug. "How far along?" Sam asked. Sara resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she did the math. "Three and a half months," she answered as the doctor walked into the hallway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "How's Kelsey?" Shawn asked as Sara walked into the apartment later that night. "She's going to be fine. She broke a collar bone and a few ribs, but she'll recover," Sara answered. "Good," Shawn said. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Tired," Sara admitted. "I'll order some Chinese, why don't you go soak in the tub?" Shawn suggested. "Thanks," Sara murmured as she walked into the bathroom. Sara was nearly asleep when Shawn knocked on the bathroom door nearly forty minutes later. "You okay in there?" Shawn called. "What? Yeah, I'm fine," Sara called back. "Dinner's here," Shawn told her. "I'll be right out." When Sara walked into the dining room, the room was nearly completely dark with just two candles in the center of the table to see by. "Shawn, what is all this?" Sara asked in surprise. "I just wanted to do something special for you. Is it too much?" Shawn asked. "No, it's perfect," Sara murmured with a smile. Shawn grinned as Sara stepped up to the table. "Have I told you how beautiful you look?" Shawn asked. "Not today," Sara said. Shawn slid his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss. "You look beautiful," Shawn's deep voice rumbled in her ears. Sara shivered as Shawn ran the tips of his fingers down her back. She moaned softly when his fingers slid under the robe she was wearing, past the edge of her panties and up into her. "Shawn, no fair," Sara whimpered. Shawn chuckled and slid his fingers out of her. Sara watched with wide eyes as he stuck his fingers into his mouth. "You taste good too," Shawn told her with a wicked grin. He kissed her again before stepping back and pulling out the dining room chair. "Food first, fun later," he decided, pushing her gently into the chair before he walked into the kitchen to bring in the bag of food. Sara glowered at him and he just laughed. "It'll be worth the wait," he promised. ~~~~~~~~~~ "Ready for midterms?" Shawn asked as they walked into the lecture hall. "Not for this one," Sara said with a sigh. "You'll do fine," Shawn assured her as they sat down. They stopped talking as the professor walked in and began passing out exams as he walked to the front of the lecture hall. Sara flipped over the scan tron and exam and began filling in the name bubbles before setting her pencil down to wait for the instructions from the professor. Sara took a deep breath as the professor gave them permission to start the exam and began looking over the questions carefully. Sara bit her lip as she tried to remember the notes she had been pouring over earlier in the day. Finally, after forty-five minutes of agonizing over the exam, Sara colored in the last bubble and took the exam to the front of the lecture hall and handed it to the professor. She returned quickly to her seat to grab her coat and book bag; Shawn grabbed her arm quickly and gave her hand a gentle squeeze as he mouthed, "See you at home." Sara smiled, nodded and left the hall. Shawn opened the door to the apartment, relieved that midterms were over and they'd have a few days off; he frowned as he walked into the apartment; it was quiet, too quiet. "Sara?" he called as he closed the door behind him. He walked through the kitchen and smiled when he smelled the chili simmering on the stove. He glanced in the living room before heading back to the bedroom. Shawn peeked his head around the doorway and smiled when he found Sara curled up on the bed, asleep. Shawn walked into the room and shook her awake. "Are you okay?" Shawn asked noticing how pale Sara looked. "I feel really achy," Sara said, wincing as she sat up. When Sara stood up, Shawn swallowed hard, his eyes wide at the blood that now stained the sheet. "What?" Sara asked, turning her head to follow his gaze. "Sara, don't!" Shawn said urgently. Sara returned her gaze to meet Shawn's eyes. "Come on, you need a doctor," he added. Shawn helped Sara out of the apartment and down the stairs to the parking garage. They had just stepped off of the last step and had begun walking to the Jeep when Sara cried out and doubled over. Shawn swore under his breath as he lifted Sara into his arms and carried her to the car. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "Are you Shawn Reed?" the nurse asked, stepping into the hall. Shawn stood up and nodded. "The doctor would like to speak with you," she told him. Shawn swallowed and followed the nurse into the exam room where Sara lay on the gurney, her face as pale as the sheets. "What's wrong?" Shawn asked. "Everything's fine. It appears that Miss Levine was carrying twins and miscarried one of them. According to the ultrasound, you're nearly fifteen weeks along, so we'll be watching the rest of your pregnancy closely to ensure the health and safety of the baby you're carrying," the doctor answered. "What caused the miscarriage?" Shawn asked, his mind reeling. "Most likely there was an abnormality with the fetus. Now, Sara lost quite a bit of blood with the miscarriage so I'll be keeping her here over night to monitor her vitals and to keep an eye on the remaining fetus. Any questions?" the doctor looked at both of them. Shawn and Sara shook their heads. "You'll be taken up to labor and delivery soon," the doctor told them before leaving the exam room. "Do you want me to call anyone?" Shawn asked. Sara shook her head. "My dad won't let mom take your call and the last time I called Sam and Kelsey, I interrupted their sex life," Sara whispered. "Are you okay?" Shawn asked gently. Sara shrugged. "Sara, you can talk to me, we're in this together," he told her. "I've never been as scared as I was on the way here. I didn't even know if I wanted the baby and now ..." Sara admitted. Shawn crossed the few feet that separated them and pulled Sara into a gentle hug. "It's okay Sara. I'm here with you. I'll do anything you need to make this go easier for you," Shawn promised. When Sara had been moved to labor and delivery, she fell asleep quickly and Shawn slipped out to the hallway, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, he dialed a number. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "Ready to get out of here?" Shawn asked Sara the next morning as she signed the discharge papers. "Yes," Sara murmured, still shaken by the previous day's events. "I've spoken to your professors and they have agreed to allow you to do the rest of the work from emails and take home exams," Shawn told her as he helped her into the car. "I just want to sleep," Sara groaned as Shawn helped her into the apartment building. Shawn nodded as they stepped into the elevator and it rose steadily to their fourth floor apartment. "What in the world?" Sara asked, coming to a stop just inside the doorway of her apartment. "Shawn called me last night. How are you feeling?" Joyce asked. Sara shot Shawn a dirty look and he gave an apologetic smile. "I figured you could use your mom for some added moral support," Shawn said. "I just want to sleep," Sara repeated. Sara sighed softly when her mother took her hand gently and led her to the bedroom. "Mom, I'm capable of getting myself ready for bed," Sara reminded Joyce who sighed and gave her daughter a look that told Sara that she would not get away with any more protests. "You need to rest, and you're going to need help. I know you've outgrown the stage of being tucked into bed, but please, just this once let me cater to your needs," Joyce told her daughter. Sara nodded as her mother handed her a cotton night gown. "How long have you been here?" Sara asked as she slid between the sheets. "I went to the hospital last night while you were asleep and got the key from Shawn. I've been here since last night. I changed the sheets and washed the other ones and replaced the mattress; blood doesn't come out of a mattress," Joyce answered. She sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for Sara's hand. "If you need to talk or need anything, please let Shawn or me get it for you," Joyce pleaded. Sara nodded and smiled when Joyce gave her a gentle hug before leaving the room. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 05 I apologize for it taking as long as it has to get an update posted; I've been having a case of writer's block and while I was in the tub tonight, washing the stress of classes away, some thoughts came to me to finish this chapter. I'm almost done with this story and I have another one already forming in my mind. Don't worry guys, I haven't forgotten about Mia's story; I'm still working on that as time permits. Classes have started again and once again, I have another term paper I have to write for a History class and four essay exams for a Poli-Sci class so it may take awhile. Thanks for reading! Ashira * CHAPTER FIVE "Sam?" Kelsey called as she walked into the apartment. "What's up Kels?" Sam asked before taking a bite of his apple. "I got a call from Doctor Gallagher," Kelsey said, her eyes wide, twinkling with excitement. "Did it work?" Sam asked. Kelsey nodded. "I am officially pregnant with David's child," Kelsey confirmed. Sam grinned and gave her a gentle hug. "What's wrong?" Sam wanted to know as he watched Kelsey's face take a somber turn. "I also got a call from Joyce. When Shawn got back from his midterms, he found Sara asleep in a pool of blood," Kelsey began. "Is Sara okay?" Sam asked, his heart beginning to race. "She miscarried one of the twins," Kelsey answered. "Wait, one of?" Sam inquired, his eye brow raised. "She was apparently pregnant with twins and she miscarried one. The doctor said Sara will be fine, and he doesn't foresee any other complications with the pregnancy," Kelsey said with a small smile. "I should call," Sam said as he headed back for the kitchen where the phone sat on the counter. "Sam, she's home resting. Let her sleep, we'll go up this weekend like we planned and you can see her then," Kelsey insisted gently. Sam nodded and eased the phone back into the cradle. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ When Sara's eyes fluttered open, Shawn's worried face was the first thing she saw. "How are you feeling?" Shawn asked. "I'm tired," Sara admitted. "Any cramping?" Shawn asked. Sara shook her head. "Good," Shawn said with a relieved smile. "Are you hungry?" "A little," Sara murmured. "Your mom brought some matzo ball soup, I'll go get you some," Shawn told her. Sara smiled a little. He stood up and headed for the door. "Shawn," Sara said softly. Shawn turned towards her. "I'm sorry." Shawn was back at her side in an instant. "Sorry? For what?" Shawn inquired. "For not asking you to use a condom, for getting pregnant and for losing the baby," Sara said, her voice so quiet he had to strain to hear her. "Sara, look at me," Shawn said. Sara's head snapped up, her blue eyes fixated on his chocolate brown ones. "You weren't the only one who forgot about a condom or for you being pregnant. And you couldn't have known you were going to have a miscarriage. I don't blame you for any of it." Sara shivered, there was a hard edge to Shawn's voice and it made her a little nervous. "Now, you just sit back and relax. I'm going to take care of you and the baby," Shawn promised. With that, he stood up and walked out of the bedroom. When he reached the kitchen, he leaned against the counter, letting his head drop against a cabinet. He was feeling panicked about the entire situation; he hadn't told his mother and step-father that he had knocked someone up and he knew that their reaction would be as bad, if not worse than the way Sara's father reacted. His step-father would probably do what he had expected Sara's father to do; get out the shot gun and hold him at gun point until they were married. His mother would be disappointed for making the same mistake she had made with his father. Shawn took a deep breath and pushed himself back into a standing position; Sara needed food and someone around her who wouldn't fall apart. Shawn reached into the cupboard, pulled out a bowl and filled it part way with the soup. When he returned to the bedroom, Sara had her nose stuck in a history text book. "Oh no you don't. I promised the doctor, your mother and Sam that you wouldn't touch a book for class for a week," Shawn said. He placed the bowl of soup on the night stand and took the book from her. "I need to study!" Sara protested. Shawn sat down next to her and reached for her hand. "You need to rest. Your body has to heal from the miscarriage and the less stress you're under, the easier that will be," Shawn murmured gently. Sara pouted but picked up the over sized mug of soup and took a small bite of the matzo ball. "Are you going to be okay for a little while? I want to go take a shower," Shawn asked softly. "Go ahead," Sara murmured. Shawn gave her a smile and headed for the bathroom. Once in the shower, he sat in the tub with the water streaming over his head as he thought about how to start the conversation he knew he was going to have to have with his mother. He hated the fact that he had broken the promise he had made to her when they first had the "talk." She made him swear on a stack of bibles that he would always use a condom when he had sex to prevent creating a child before he was ready for the responsibility; she had also made him promise never to leave the mother of his child if the birth control failed. "God, I'm in way over my head," Shawn muttered to himself. He wished he could put off telling his mother, but he knew he couldn't. He knew his mother would come to visit him at some point and Sara would be showing before long; Shawn sighed and banged his head against the wall of the tub. His mother was going to kill him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ -months later- Shawn hurried to open the door before the buzzing of the door bell woke Sara up. "Mom, what are you doing here?" Shawn asked nervously. "I haven't seen you since winter break, do I need a reason to come visit my son? I must say, I like this apartment better than the dorms," his mother said. Shawn cast an anxious glance towards the bedroom, willing her to stay asleep and in bed. "Oh good, you found it." Shawn's face about lost all color when he saw Ben Levine standing behind his mother. "I'm Ben, and you are?" "My name is Tabitha," Shawn's mother answered. She shook Ben's hand, but looked confused as to why the man would be giving her son looks of death. Tabitha turned back to her son. "Aren't you going to invite us in?" she asked her son. Shawn stepped back and let his mother and Ben into the apartment. "Where is my daughter?" Ben asked, casting a cool glance at Shawn. He hated to admit it, but he had to give the kid credit; he must be scared but he hadn't bolted. "Sleeping. Sara's had a rough time lately," Shawn answered, crossing his arms over his chest. "I can imagine; being what, almost seven months pregnant would be rough on any college student," Ben said with a smug smile. Shawn felt his heart stop and drop into his stomach; he could barely meet his mother's eyes. "What have you done?" Tabitha asked. Before Shawn could answer, he heard the bedroom door open and Sara walk into the main apartment. She came to a dead stop when she saw her father standing in the entry way with Shawn and a woman that she knew instinctively was Shawn's mother. "Dad, what are you doing here?" Sara asked hesitantly. "It occurred to me that Shawn was too chicken to tell his mother about getting you pregnant so I decided that it was past time she knew about her grandchild," Ben answered. Shawn felt about three inches tall under the scalding look his mother was giving him. "How is it you were able to keep the apartment Sara?" Ben asked. "You mean after you up and canceled the lease? Real mature dad," Sara retorted. "I decided that if you were old enough to get yourself knocked up then you were old enough to take care of supplying your own place," Ben told her. "Never mind how I kept the apartment. I would like you to leave now," Sara snapped. Ben opened his mouth to say something but Shawn beat him to the punch. "You're upsetting Sara and you need to leave, now," Shawn's voice was low, he allowed just a hint of the anger he was feeling to show in his words. "And if I don't?" Ben taunted. "Then I call the police Mr Levine and have you thrown out," Shawn answered. Ben looked like he was going to protest some more but he took a look at Sara's face and something inside him shifted; suddenly, he felt like the world's biggest heel. "Sara, are you alright?" Ben asked. "Like you care!" Sara hissed. Everyone looked up as the door opened. Sara took a deep breath when she saw it was Sam and Kelsey. "Should we leave?" Kelsey asked softly. "Yes," Ben and Tabitha said together. "Stay," Shawn insisted, overriding the visitors. "To the living room Sara Grace," Sam said firmly. Sara opened her mouth to protest but Sam gently took her arm and escorted her to the living room. "Sit," he insisted. Kelsey followed Sam and Sara to the living room and sat down next to her friend. "How are you doing?" Kelsey asked Sara. "I was doing fine until my father showed up with Shawn's mother," Sara answered. Kelsey winced and gave her friend a hug. "How are you doing?" Sara asked, studying her friend carefully. "I'm good, the baby's good, a boy," Kelsey murmured. Sara smiled at that, sniffled and wiped away the tears that started to fall. "What's wrong?" Kelsey asked. "Everything's so messed up! David's gone, my father hates me, you're with Sam and I'm going to go into my sophomore year with a new baby!" Sara wailed. "Sara, you have to calm down," Kelsey urged, glancing helplessly at Sam who had returned to the living room when he heard the commotion. Shawn all but pushed Ben out the door and locked both locks before glancing at his mother again. "Mom, don't say it, I already know what you're going to say," Shawn said. "That I'm disappointed in you for getting a girl pregnant? Yes, I am. But I'm also proud of you," Tabitha told him. Shawn looked at his mother in shock. "You are?" he asked. "You're still here Shawn, and that takes guts," Tabitha said. "Now, what's wrong with her?" she asked. Quietly, while Sam and Kelsey worked on calming Sara down, Shawn filled his mother in on the events of the last few months. He took a shaky breath before talking about the partial miscarriage. Tabitha gave Shawn a hug and asked, "Who is Sam?" she asked. "It's a long story. Basically, Sam was Sara's brother's best friend. They grew up in and out of hospitals. When Sara's brother died, Sara and Sam got close, they dated for awhile," Shawn answered. He made eye contact with Sam. "Take some time with your mom Shawn, we can calm her down," Sam called over to him. Shawn nodded and led his mother into the kitchen. "Did she and Sam have sex?" Tabitha asked. "She gave him her virginity," Shawn confirmed. "Then how do you know the baby is yours?" Tabitha wanted to know. "Because Sam, like Sara's brother has Cystic Fibrosis," Shawn answered. He noticed it had gotten suddenly very quiet in the living room and started to peek around the corner when Sam started walking towards the kitchen. "She fell asleep," Sam said with a wry grin. "Kels is sitting with her," he added. Shawn breathed a small sigh of relief. "May I snag a coke?" Sam asked. Shawn nodded and Sam crossed the small space to the refrigerator and pulled out a coke. "So what does Sam having Cystic Fibrosis have to do with the paternity of the baby?" Tabitha demanded to know. Sam nearly choked on the swig of soda he had taken and stared at Shawn who gave an apologetic shrug. "I can't get anyone pregnant through intercourse," Sam answered when he had stopped coughing. "Are you okay?" Kelsey asked, appearing in the kitchen. "Went down the wrong pipe, I'm fine," Sam said. "Then how is she pregnant?" Tabitha asked. With a sigh, Sam and Kelsey took turns explaining what had happened after David had passed and about the last year of their relationship and when they were finished, Tabitha shook her head with a sigh. "This sounds too unreal to be true," she commented. "It is true," Sam insisted. He frowned and Shawn turned around to see Sara walking into the kitchen. "You should be resting," Sam chastised. Sara gave Sam a dark look and growled. "Just because David is gone doesn't mean that you get to act like my big brother," Sara retorted. "Someone has to because you know that if he were here, David would be kicking your ass," Sam said stubbornly. Sara locked eyes with Sam and the two glared at each other for several minutes before Sara backed down. "What do you need?" Shawn asked. "Juice," Sara answered, grabbing the bottle out of the refrigerator. "One of us could have gotten that for you," Kelsey murmured as she watched her friend pour a glass. Sara growled again, put the carton of juice back and slammed the refrigerator door closed before whirling around. "I don't see anyone treating you like you're made out of glass! I feel fine, and I'm not going to break! I am perfectly capable of getting my own God damned glass of juice!" Sara snapped. She grabbed her juice and stalked out of the kitchen. Sam muttered something under his breath and Kelsey's eyes widened. "What?" Shawn asked. Sam glanced at Tabitha before looking back at Sam with a grin. "I said she needs to get laid," Sam repeated. Shawn groaned and dropped his face into his hand, not wanting to know the look on his mother's face. When he looked up however, he was surprised to see his mother chuckling. "I know how it works Shawn," Tabitha reminded her son. Shawn nodded. "We need to go, we just wanted to stop by and see how Sara's doing after our appointment. Tell Sara I'll see her at David's grave tomorrow," Kelsey said softly. Shawn nodded and walked them out. When they were gone, he nervously played with his watch, sure his mother was going to give him the lecture that he'd been dreading. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Ben, what is your problem?" Joyce asked as she watched her husband pull clothes from drawers and shove them into a suitcase. "You and my mother are helping Sara keep the apartment," Ben said. "Yes, we are. She's scared Ben and she needs a place to stay," Joyce confirmed. "She should be doing this on her own," Ben grumbled. "Your mother just gave her an advance from her trust fund. You really need to forgive Sara, she made a mistake, but she's not backing out, she's not taking the cowards way out, she's still getting an education. From what Shawn said, Sara's g.p.a. was a 3.7," Joyce told her husband. "Besides, she needs her family right now, she's had a rough time of things," she added. "I can imagine," Ben said dryly. "She was carrying twins," Joyce said. "What?" Ben turned towards his wife with a look of surprise. "When she was fifteen weeks pregnant, Shawn came back from mid-terms and found her hemorrhaging. She lost one of the twins," Joyce added. She studied her husband's face and for the first time in years, was unable to read the look on it. "Ben?" Joyce asked. "She shouldn't be having any children at her age, she is too young." Ben shook his head before leveling his cool eyes on his wife. "You are to have nothing further with her Joyce, and I mean nothing," he told her in a no nonsense tone of voice. "She is my daughter you stubborn ass and I will not be ordered to stay away!" Joyce exclaimed. The look Ben gave her made Joyce nervous but she refused to back down. "I will not leave my daughter when she needs me the most," Joyce said firmly. "Forget about Sara or I will be filing for a divorce," Ben threatened. He pushed the suitcases closer to where Joyce stood and she could see the clothing within were hers. "Then file," Joyce said. She grabbed the two suitcases and headed down stairs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sam grumbled as he walked to the front door of his apartment, towel drying his hair as he went. "Joyce, what are you doing here?" he asked, his eyes wide with surprise. His eyes zeroed in on the bags by her feet. "Ben and I are getting a divorce. Do you have room on your couch for the night? I'd drive to a hotel but I'm just completely wiped," Joyce murmured. "Of course we have room," Kelsey said from behind Sam. Sam moved aside to let Joyce in. "Dinner is almost done if you're hungry," Kelsey added. "Thank you, but don't worry about feeding me," Joyce told Kelsey. "Joyce, there's plenty. Kelsey's been making enough to feed an army lately," Sam said. Joyce smiled and nodded. "Dinner sounds great," she said softly. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sara, are you alright?" Shawn asked gently from the doorway of the bedroom. Sara shook her head and sniffled. "What's wrong?" he wanted to know. "I just got off the phone with my mother. She and my dad are getting a divorce!" Sara looked up at him through tear filled eyes. And it's all because of me!" Sara wailed. Shawn walked in and sat on the bed. "Sara, your parents have been having problems since David died, you told me that yourself. You aren't to blame for his," Shawn soothed. "But if I hadn't gotten pregnant, maybe they'd still to be together," Sara murmured. Shawn wiped the tears from her cheeks and held her close. "Listen to me Sara, your parents divorce has very little to do with you being pregnant, it has everything to do with the fact that your dad is a crazy ass!" Shawn said gently. "How do you know that!?" Sara snapped. Shawn reached for her but Sara was off the bed in a flash. "How do you know that I didn't cause major problems for my parents? How do you know that they weren't fighting about me?" Sara exclaimed. "You need to calm down Sara, think about the baby," Shawn cautioned. Sara laughed bitterly. "The baby. The baby that's destroying our lives!" she said sarcastically. Shawn grabbed Sara by the arm and shook her gently. "It isn't destroying our lives Sara, and I know you don't think it is; I know you're only saying this because you're upset about your parents. I don't blame you for that. You need to just calm down and relax," Shawn said, his voice was firm but gentle. A new wave of tears formed in Sara's eyes and fell down her cheeks like rain fell from the sky. Shawn kissed Sara on the cheek even though he was silently furious with her for claiming the baby was destroying their lives; despite his apprehension about becoming a father, the miscarriage had made him realize just how much he wanted the surviving child. Sara dropped down to the bed and Shawn knelt down in front of her. "Look at me," Shawn said softly. Sara raised her head and looked at Shawn. "I know you're upset; it's okay to be upset, but it isn't the baby's fault Sara," he told her. "I know," Sara whispered. "I'm sorry Shawn, I didn't mean what I said about the baby ruining our lives," she murmured. "I know," Shawn said. "Do you hate me now?" Sara asked. "No Sara, I don't hate you. I will admit that I am angry that you said that about the baby, but I can understand how you feel. You're not even nineteen yet and you're pregnant and scared. I'm scared too," Shawn said softly. He hugged her gently before pulling away and standing up. "Don't leave me!" Sara exclaimed. Shawn sat back down quickly and wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Please don't leave me!" "I'm not going to leave you Sara, I promise," Shawn told her. "Love me," Sara whispered. Without another word, Shawn leaned down and pressed his lips to hers while his hand slid up her shirt to cup her tender breasts. "Shawn," she moaned, her voice was soft, full of emotion. Without breaking the kiss, Shawn slowly removed her button down blouse and helped Sara stand up before tugging her skirt and panties down her legs. Shawn trailed kisses down Sara's body, lingering for a moment on her very round abdomen. "Shawn," Sara whimpered. Shawn chuckled slightly and worked his way between her legs. She gasped loudly and her hips lifted off the bed. Shawn chuckled again and pushed Sara's hips back down to the bed as he continued to swirl his tongue around her clit before sucking gently on it. Sara whimpered again, soft moans pulled from her throat as he lavished attention on her warm, moist core. Carefully, Shawn worked a finger deep inside, stroking her gently, carefully; Sara whimpered again and writhed against his hand. The whimper turned into a moan as Shawn carefully positioned himself over her and eased inch after inch of his cock within her. Sara's hips rose to met the careful and gentle thrusts. She gasped as one of Shawn's hands cupped a swollen breast before teasing the hard, pointed nipple to the point where it was hard enough to cut glass. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 05 The sensations and emotions that ran through her body made Sara believe she was going to die; the fire of ecstasy that Shawn was building burned hotter and hotter; she had no idea how she had not magically combusted. "Shawn!" Sara gasped, clutching at his back. Her nails dug into his shoulders as the speed and frequency of his thrusts became faster, harder and closer together. All restraint he had tried to hold on to flew out the window as he began pounding into her. Sara gasped at the change of pace and of the harshness of it but she adjusted quickly and met him thrust for thrust. Their bodies were covered with sweat and they were both gasping for air but neither one wanted to stop, they both needed the knowledge that they shared love for one another. Shawn could feel the pressure mounting within him and he knew that he was almost there; he could also tell from the gasps coming from Sara that she was close. "Let go," he whispered in her ear as he gently pinched the nipple his thumb had been brushing over. Sara's eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat before a shaky scream poured out of her, her nails dug deeper into Shawn's shoulder as his seed pulsed from his body and into hers. Carefully, Shawn rolled them so they were on their sides, facing each other. He tucked a strand of hair behind Sara's ear and gave a small smile. "You okay?" Shawn asked softly. Unable to form any actual words, Sara merely nodded as she fought to catch a breath. After a moment, Sara opened her mouth to speak but a yawn was all that escaped her lips; Shawn chuckled and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "Sleep," he murmured. Shawn watched Sara's face until her eyes fluttered closed, waited another minute more and carefully slipped out of her and off the bed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -2 weeks later- Shawn took a quick shower as he pondered the events he knew were coming. He had heard the way other students talked about Sara, the words they used. He knew she had heard them too; he was just as unsure as she was about the baby. He need advice; Shawn thought about calling Sam, but he knew that Sam was busy taking care of Kelsey. He thought about calling Joyce but he knew that the stress of her pending divorce was making her cranky, besides, she'd been married to the man she loved during her pregnancies. Not knowing who else to call, Shawn dialed a number he knew from heart ... his mother's. "Thanks mom for coming," Shawn said as he let his mother into the apartment. "Is Sara okay?" Tabitha asked, looking around. "So far so good. I just need to talk to someone that isn't having a rough time of things," Shawn answered. Tabitha nodded and gave her son a look of sympathy. "What's going on?" Tabitha asked as Shawn slid a mug of tea across the table. "I don't know if I can do this," Shawn admitted. "Do what? Be a father?" Tabitha murmured. Shawn nodded and sighed. "I care about Sara, and I want the baby, but I don't know if I can be what a child will need. I'm only nineteen and I can't even drink yet!" Shawn explained before he dropped his head into his hands. "Shawn, those are feelings all soon to be parents feel, no matter their age. I know you're scared and it's okay to be. This is your first child, everything is so much more new to you and to Sara as it would be to people expecting a second or third child. Don't worry about being scared and don't let your fears stop you from being the best parent that you can be. If that means that you and Sara put the baby up for adoption and go your separate ways, then that's what it means. I won't hold it against you, and I don't think Sara would either," Tabitha said gently. Shawn nodded and took a long dag of his tea. "Hi Tabitha, I didn't know you were here," Sara said from the doorway. "I haven't been here long, how are you feeling?" Tabitha asked with a kind smile. "Not so great. I think something's wrong," Sara answered. Shawn was at her side in a flash. "What's wrong?" Tabitha wanted to know. Her question was answered as Sara's whole body tightened; Sara let out a low moan, her eyes wide and full of fear. "It's okay Sara, just relax." Tabitha turned to her son. "Help Sara to the car, we're going to the hospital," Tabitha said softly. Shawn swallowed and hurried to comply. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Are Sara and the baby going to be okay?" Shawn asked as the doctor checked Sara over. "They'll be just fine, exhausted, but fine," the doctor answered. "I suspect that you'll be holding your son or daughter by ten thirty," he added. Shawn glanced at the clock. "But Doctor Raymond, that's in less than six hours! Sara isn't even due for another six weeks!" Shawn protested. "Sara's water broke while you were on your way here, so like it or not, the baby is coming today," Doctor Raymond told Shawn. Shawn didn't need the verbal reminder of her water breaking, his jeans were still damp from being next to her when it happened. Shawn half listened to the things the doctor was telling Sara and looked surprised when the doctor walked out of the labor and delivery suite. "How are you?" Sara asked Shawn softly. "I should be asking you that," Shawn joked. "I'm fine thanks to the epidural," Sara said with a small smile. Shawn gave an awkward smile as Tabitha walked into the room with a change of pants for him; he took the pants and ducked into the private bathroom to change. -Hours later- "You're doing great Sara, just another push or two and you'll have yourself a baby," Doctor Raymond announced. Shawn and Sara glanced at each other; Shawn could see the exhaustion and pain in her eyes and he silently vowed right there and then not to even consider having sex ever again. Shawn dazed out as he tried to keep from wincing at the force Sara's hand exerted as her fingers dug into his hand. "It's a girl!" the doctor announced. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 06 "How is she?" Sam asked as he and Kelsey came to a stop in front of Shawn. "Sleeping, but Sara's doing pretty good," Shawn answered. "What about the baby?" Kelsey asked, placing her hands on her own rounded abdomen. Neither of them liked the look of uncertainty that passed over his face. "Shawn?" Kelsey reached out and placed a hand on his arm. "A girl. Just over five and a half pounds," Shawn said finally. "Is she going to be okay?" Sam wanted to know. "They don't know yet, the doctors are running tests to see how developed her lungs are and other stuff that I have no idea what they're called," Shawn answered. Sam handed Shawn a cup of coffee and Shawn gave a grateful smile; he was exhausted but he knew he wouldn't be able to rest until he knew everything. "Have you called Joyce?" Kelsey asked. "I tried her cell phone but Ben must have shut it off when Joyce filed for divorce," Shawn said wearily. "You should rest," Kelsey told him. "Not until the doctors know something," Shawn argued. "You won't do anyone any good if you're exhausted," Sam pointed out. He glanced at Kelsey. "You both should go back to our place until Sara wakes up. I'll call you when the doctor knows anything about the baby," Sam added. Shawn looked at Sam uncertainly but nodded and led Kelsey down the hall and out the door of the hospital. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sara?" Sam asked, looking up from his book when he noticed Sara's eyes fluttering open. "What are you doing here?" Sara asked groggily. "I sent Shawn and Kelsey back to my place to get some rest," Sam answered. "How are you feeling?" Sam wanted to know. "Like I was torn in half," Sara answered. Sam winced and Sara had to laugh. "Has the doctor come back to talk about the baby?" she murmured. "Not yet. A nurse came out and said things were looking good but that they're still running tests," Sam said carefully. Sara nodded and looked away. "Are you alright?" Sam asked, his eyes sweeping over her in concern. "I don't know what to do," Sara whispered. "What do you mean?" Sam asked. "I don't know what I'm going to do if she's okay or if she isn't okay. I don't know what I want and I don't know what Shawn wants," Sara murmured. "What do you mean by you don't know what Shawn wants?" Sam inquired, hating to see her in the pain she was in. "I know he cares about me, and I know he cares about the baby, but sometimes I think he's only here because of the baby," Sara whispered. Sam gave her a gentle hug and kissed her cheek. "Don't worry about Shawn, he'll be here for you," Sam told Sara. Sara looked at Sam and sighed. "I don't know if I want to keep her," Sara admitted, her eyes filled with tears of shame. Sam gave her another hug. "Take it one step at a time," he advised. Sara and Sam looked up as a doctor and a nurse walked into the room. "Miss Levine, my name is Doctor Parker; I'm the head pediatrician for the NICU," he began. Sara swallowed hard as a million thoughts ran through her mind. "I want to talk to you about your daughter," he added. Sam slipped his hand in Sara's and squeezed it gently. "How is she?" Sara asked nervously. "She's going to be just fine. All of her tests came back normal and you'll be able to take her home in just over a week," Doctor Parker answered. Sara's gaze was drawn to movement from behind the doctor and her breath caught in her throat as she saw the nurse push a plastic bassinet forward. The baby squirmed, wrapped in a pink blanket and made small noises of protest. Sam watched the nurse place the tiny, squalling infant into Sara's arms with a smile. Sara glanced up at him helplessly before turning her gaze towards her daughter. "She's so little," Sara whispered. "She'll grow," the nurse told her with a chuckle. Sara's eyes locked with Sam's who gave her a warm smile. "Are you sure she's okay?" Sara asked the doctor. "Her lungs have developed, and while she is a little small, she looks great," Doctor Parker answered. The baby, sensing Sara's nervousness began to cry and Sam watched as Sara shook off her nerves and calmed the baby down. "Sam can you ..." "Call Shawn, yeah, no problem," Sam said easily, slipped from the room and took a deep breath. He had thought walking away from Sara would be easier than this. He loved her, and God knows he tried not to; he tried to think of her as a sister, like he had when David was alive but after the months they had been together made that impossible. Sam shook his head and tossed the thoughts away as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and phoned home. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Sara looked up and gave a shy smile as Shawn walked into the hospital room and sat down in the chair next to the bed. "How are you?" Shawn asked awkwardly. "I'm doing okay." Sara hesitated a moment. "We both are. Doctor Parker said that everything looks great and that we can take her home next week," Sara told him. Shawn swallowed hard as he studied the now sleeping infant. Neither of them spoke for several minutes; their minds were consumed with similar thoughts. "Shawn, do you want to be a father?" Sara asked hesitantly. "Of course I do!" Shawn exclaimed, his eyes widening. "But do you want to be a father now?" Sara clarified her question and Shawn hesitated. "What I want now doesn't matter anymore," Shawn said finally. "If you don't want to be a father now Shawn, you don't have to," Sara told him. "What do you mean?" Shawn asked. "I have Sam and Kelsey, I can do this without you," Sara lied. "I won't do that to you," Shawn said firmly. "Do you want to be her father? Are you ready for that responsibility?" Sara asked. Before Shawn could answer, a shrill cry broke the silence. He stood up and gingerly lifted her out of her plastic bed and cradled her in his arms gently. The baby stopped crying and her bright blue eyes fixated on Shawn's face. He reached out to stroke her silken cheek and his breath caught in his throat as the baby wrapped her hand around his finger. Shawn looked at Sara and smiled. "I'm ready for that responsibility. I'm not going anywhere," Shawn told her. "I'm scared Shawn, what if I can't do this?" Sara whispered. Shawn reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. "Do you love her?" Shawn asked gently. Sara looked at the little girl they had created and nodded, a soft smile on her face. "Then you can do this," Shawn told Sara firmly. The baby gurgled in Shawn's arms and he smiled. "God Sara, she's so beautiful," he breathed. Sara gave a shaky laugh and nodded. "We need to name her," Shawn reminded her. Sara nodded again and bit her lip, overwhelmed by the days events. Shawn and Sara looked up as Sam and Kelsey walked into the room. "Hey," Sara said with a smile. "You look more confident than you did an hour ago," Sam observed. Sara nodded. "We just need to come up with a name," Shawn added. "Whatever you come up with, I'm sure it'll be just as beautiful as that baby is," Sam said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You made it!" Kelsey exclaimed when she saw Sara come down the stairs. Sara nodded, a wide smile on her face. Her chestnut brown, red highlighted hair reached just past her shoulder blades and had been swept into an elegant up-do, leaving a strand of red tinted hair to frame her face; her slim figure was clothed in a pale green dress that fell just under halfway between her thighs and knees and the dress was draped by dark fabric. "I never thought I'd get here," Sara admitted, giving her friend a hug. "Sam and I never doubted you'd make it," Kelsey said, wrinkling her nose at the material and color of the graduation robe. "I hate the robe too, but I only have to wear it for a few more hours," Sara said with a grin. She looked up as Sam made his way over to them. "There's my nephew," she added, her blue-green eyes sparkled as she looked lovingly upon the toddler in Sam's arms. "God when did he get this big?" Sara asked. "Overnight," Sam answered with a chuckle. He gave Sara a tight hug "Are you okay?" Sara asked, studying Sam's face carefully. "Do you have your vest?" "It's in the car and I'm fine," Sam said, shaking his head in amusement. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sara took a shaky breath as her name was called; she stood up, smoothed out the gown and walked across the stage to where the dean of education waited with her diploma. She heard her name being called and she looked into the sea of people, smiled when she saw her mother, Sam, Kelsey and David junior. Joyce was holding tightly onto her granddaughter as they cheered Sara on. Sara walked to where she had been told to stand and after a few moments, she heard Shawn's name called. When Shawn joined Sara, he slipped his hand in hers, a nervous smile played on his lips. "Mommy! Daddy!" Sara and Shawn shared a smile as their daughter freed herself from her grandmother's grasp and run towards them, her brown hair in a ponytail that flew behind her. "Livvy, you look so pretty in that dress! Did Bubbe pick it out for you?" Sara asked, lifting her daughter into her arms. Livvy nodded before laying her head on her mother's shoulder. Sara giggled as Shawn wrapped his arms around both of them and pulled her and Livvy in for a hug. "Mommy, who is that?" Livvy asked, pulling her mother out of her thoughts. Sara gasped and exchanged a glance with Shawn. "Livvy, I need for you to go with Aunt Kelsey and Uncle Sam right now," Sara said gently, setting the young girl on the ground. "But mommy, I want to stay here with you and daddy! It's fun with you!" Livvy protested. "Olivia Katherine Reed, go with Kelsey and Shawn now," Sara repeated. Olivia pouted but turned and ran towards her aunt and uncle. "What do you want?" Sara asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "I heard from your grandmother that you graduated today and I wanted to see for myself how things turned out," Ben said. Sara's eyes were dark, full of anger and resentment. "Things turned out fine thank you," Sara snapped. "She's beautiful Sara, how old is she? What's her name?" Ben wanted to know. "Her name is Olivia and she's five, not that it's any of your business," Sara answered. Ben nodded. "She's beautiful," Ben said again before turning and walking away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sara?" Shawn asked, walking towards the bedroom they shared. He swallowed hard; she was waiting for him, leaning against the doorway wearing only the opal Star of David necklace her brother had given her for her eighteenth birthday. "Hi," he said slowly, a warm smile spreading across his face. "We made it," Sara whispered. Shawn nodded and reached for her, words failed them both as he kissed her. Shawn groaned as the phone rang. "Ignore it," Sara whispered as her hands dropped to his belt, fumbled with the buckle. Just as the belt slipped free of the loops, Kelsey's shaky voice recorded onto the answering machine. "Sara, I know it's late and I'm sorry for calling but I thought you should know that, that Sam collapsed an hour ago. He's in ICU now and it doesn't look good. Please hurry," Kelsey announced before hanging up the phone. Sara's face paled and Shawn sighed. "Go to them," Shawn told Sara. "Are you sure?" Sara asked softly. "Kelsey will need you," Shawn said. Sara wrapped her arms around Shawn's neck and hugged him tight before she turned to the closet, grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweater and pulled them on. "Kelsey!" Sara exclaimed as she hurried into the waiting room. "How bad is it?" Sara wanted to know. "It's bad. Only a transplant will save Sam now," Kelsey answered. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 07 Sara slipped into Sam's room and sat down in the chair next to him. "Hey," she said softly as he turned his face towards her. "Hi," Sam managed, his throat was dry, his breathing labored. "Don't look at me like that Sara," Sam pleaded. "Like what?" Sara asked, her voice just above a whisper. "Like you'll never see me again," Sam answered. "I'm not going anywhere," he added. "Okay," Sara murmured, knowing by looking at him that unless someone gave him new lungs soon, he would leave her like David left her. "Don't think that," Sam said sharply. Sara looked at him and blushed; Sam always knew what she was thinking. "I'm sorry Sam, but I ..." Sara was cut off as Sam sat up, pulled her to him and kissed her hard. "Don't think that way. I promised you that I would never leave you and I mean to keep that promise," Sam gasped. Sara nodded and watched him weakly lay back against the pillow. Sara glanced up as Kelsey appeared in the doorway, a guarded expression on her face. "I'll see you later," Sara said softly before following her friend out of the room. "I'm sorry Kels, I didn't ..." "I know Sara, it's okay. I know how you and Sam feel about each other. You have always loved each other, I know that, and you know that Sam and I don't share that kind of love," Kelsey said. Sara blushed. "You and Sam feel about each other how David and I felt about each other," Kelsey added. Sara nodded and sank into a chair. "Whose watching Junior?" Sara wanted to know. "And aren't you and Sam fostering a child?" Sara murmured. "Your mom has both David and Luke," Kelsey said softly. "You should go home. I know you've had a long day," she added. Sara glanced hesitantly at the window of Sam's hospital room. "I'll call you if anything changes," Kelsey promised. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sara?" Shawn asked, sitting up as Sara walked into the bedroom. "He's bad Shawn, really bad," Sara whispered, sitting down on the bed. Shawn wrapped his arms around Sara and held her as she cried. "I'm sorry Sare, I really am," Shawn said, rubbing her back carefully. "Love me Shawn, please love me," Sara whimpered. Shawn tugged at her clothing and the fell quickly to the floor before he pulled his boxers down. Shawn eased Sara down onto the bed and slipped inside her easily. Sara moaned as her hips rose to meet him thrust for thrust. "I love you Sara," Shawn moaned when Sara vocalized her climax. She stiffened against him as his seed poured into her. "I love you too," she whispered. Shawn resisted the urge to sigh; he knew she loved him, but he also knew it wasn't anything like the love she felt for Sam. "Was it possible to be jealous of a dying man?" he wondered to himself. He answered his own question. Yes, it is possible to be jealous of a dying man; he'd been jealous of Sam since they day he'd met him. "At least he isn't able to get her pregnant," Shawn thought to himself, hating himself for the thoughts. Shawn rolled off of Sara and pressed a hand to her shoulder. "Sara, are you okay?" Shawn asked softly. Sara sniffled and nodded. "I do love you Shawn. I'm sorry for stiffening up on you," Sara whispered. "You're having a rough night Sare, it's okay," Shawn murmured. She began to cry again and Shawn wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried herself to sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Mommy, breakfast is done! I made it myself!" Olivia exclaimed, jumping onto her mother. Sara smiled and opened her eyes. "I'll be out in a minute Livvy," Sara said softly. Olivia grinned and ran out of the room; Sara looked up and saw Shawn standing there with an unreadable expression on his face. "Morning," Sara murmured. "Feel better?" Shawn asked. "About Sam? No. He shouldn't be dying Shawn, he's only twenty-six," Sara answered. "I know," Shawn agreed. He watched as Sara slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of panties and a tee-shirt and gave Shawn a weird look when a small velvet box tumbled to the floor as she pulled the shirt out of the dresser. Shawn reached for the box and took a deep breath. He knew the timing was lousy, but he'd been planning this for months and couldn't wait any longer. "Shawn?" Sara asked quietly, her eyes guarded. "I love you Sara. You're bright, beautiful and incredibly loving. I couldn't imagine my life without you and Olivia." Sara gasped as Shawn opened the box and knelt down on one knee before her. "Please Sara," Shawn swallowed as his voice broke. "Will you give me the honor of calling you my wife? Will you marry me?" Shawn asked slowly. Sara wanted to cry; she was feeling so guilty over her feelings for Sam and her head was spinning; she didn't know what to do. "I love you Sara," Shawn said gently, placing a hand over hers. Sara shivered from the contact, a little electric charge rippled through her. Unable to speak, Sara sat down on the bed and reached for him. Shawn stood and sat down next to her on the bed. "Sara?" Shawn asked, almost certain she was going to say no. Sara smiled, leaned towards him and kissed him. When they broke apart, they were both breathless; Shawn wanted to scream his frustration that she hadn't answered the question yet. He watched as Sara reached for the box and pulled the delicate diamond ring from the box. "Is that a yes?" Shawn asked, covering her hand with his. "Yes," Sara whispered, her voice shaking. Shawn took the ring from her and slipped it on her finger. He kissed her hard and pushed her down gently onto the bed before fumbling with the button of his jeans. "Mommy! Daddy! Breakfast!" Olivia exclaimed, banging on the door. Sara groaned but pushed Shawn off of her to pull on her clothes before they walked to the table. "What did you make sweetie?" Sara asked Olivia as the little girl set boxes of orange juice on the table. "Pancakes mommy! And turkey bacon! We have blueberry, chocolate chip and buttermilk," Olivia announced with a beaming smile. "It smells great," Sara said as she slipped into a chair. Shawn uncovered the plate of pancakes and placed a bottle of syrup on the table. As Sara pulled some pancakes onto a plate, she watched Shawn interact with Olivia and smiled slightly. Before she could take a bite however, there was a knock on the door and Shawn stood up to answer it. "Sara," Shawn said softly. Sara looked up and found Kelsey standing in the doorway with red eyes and a tear streaked face. The two women stared at each other in silence for several minutes. "When?" Sara asked. "A few hours ago," Kelsey answered, her voice wavered as fresh tears streamed down her cheeks. Sara pushed her plate away with a sigh before standing up and giving her friend a hug. "Mommy?" Olivia asked. Shawn lifted Olivia into his arms. "Mommy and Aunt Kelsey need to visit together, why don't we go eat in the living room?" Shawn suggested. "Why didn't you call me?" Sara wanted to know. "I tried to when his breathing got worse. He told me not to, he didn't want you to watch him die like the three of us watched David," Kelsey said, her voice sound scratchy and raw. "I'm sorry Kels," Sara murmured. "He loved you," Kelsey said abruptly. "I know," Sara said. "No Sara, he was still in love with you. He married me so that I could go ahead with the in-virtro procedure and after a year or two, we were going to get a divorce. You getting pregnant changed things," Kelsey told Sara who gave her a look of surprise in return. "He told me that he wasn't in love with me any more, that he had fallen in love with you," Sara whispered. "When?" Kelsey asked sharply. "After your accident, while you were in surgery," Sara answered. Kelsey sniffled as fresh tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry Kels," she murmured. Sara studied her friend carefully. "What else is wrong?" Sara wanted to know. "Sam and I found out last month that I'm pregnant. We didn't want to say anything about the in-vitro until we knew because of the problems I had with Junior," Kelsey admitted. "Oh Kels, I'm sorry," Sara murmured. "Sam will watch out for you," she added. The two women hugged each other tightly. "Does Junior know what's going on?" Sara asked after a moment. "Only that daddy was in the hospital," Kelsey whispered with a shaky sigh. "Go be with Junior. He needs you more than I do," Sara told her friend. Kelsey observed Sara for a minute before giving her one last hug and slipping out the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sara, I know things between us have been complicated; you're David's little sister and the first woman I really ever loved. That's what is making this harder; I know I'm dying. I need a favor from you; I know you're moving to Phoenix, but please try and keep an eye on Kelsey as much as you can. She has Junior and we just found out we're having a baby; we've been trying for months and now, the timing is torturous. I'm never going to know my son or daughter. I know I promised you that I wouldn't leave you like David did, but I know now that I can't help that. I'm sorry that I have to leave you. I love you Sara, I always have and I always will. I want you to be happy Sara, grab hold of Shawn and don't let go. He makes you happy, I see it every time I see you both together and you make beautiful children; lock Livvy away when she is past the boys have cooties stage. I'll watch over you always. Live life as fully as you can. Sam "Sara?" Shawn asked as he stepped out onto the balcony. "Is Livvy asleep?" Sara wanted to know. "She's out like a light. Are you okay?" Shawn wanted to know. Sara turned to face him and nodded before shaking her head. "This came in the mail today," Sara said, holding out an open envelope. "It's from Sam," she added. Shawn scanned it quickly. "He wants you to be happy," Shawn said quietly. "You make me happy. Happier than I thought possible. The last six years has been unbelievable," Sara murmured. Shawn smiled, relief evident in his eyes. "Sam was never a threat to us. My love for Sam isn't the same as it used to be," Sara told him. "I know," Shawn said. He reached for Sara's left hand and kissed her knuckles and rubbed his thumb over the engagement ring. Nothing else needed to be said; Shawn pressed his lips to Sara's and pulled her to him. "Shawn," Sara moaned as his hands moved under her robe. "You'll wake up Livvy," Shawn warned as he slid the robe off of her. He kissed her on the lips again before trailing kisses down her neck. Shawn paused and suckled and licked each breast until her nipples were rock hard and sticking straight up in the air. "Shawn!" Sara gasped. Shawn chuckled as he continued pressing kisses down her body. As he reached the outer edge of Sara's dripping core, he glanced at her once before licking and teasing her clit. Sara moaned loudly, her hands clutched and tugged on his hair as pleasure raked over her. Sara's hips bucked against his lips and tongue as she tried to get closer to him. "Shawn please!" Sara gasped. Shawn chuckled, his lips never leaving her clit; his chuckle sent vibrations throughout Sara's body making her moan again. "Shawn!" there was a desperateness in Sara's voice that made Shawn pause for a moment. He gave a wicked grin and went back to sucking on her clit making Sara's moans and whimpers grow louder and louder. As he sucked on her clit, Shawn fumbled to get his jeans unbuttoned and once they were loosened, he pushed them down his legs and pushed Sara onto the chaise lounge and plunged deeply within her making her cry out with the force of it. Sara met Shawn thrust for thrust with an intensity that had them both gasping and moaning with pleasure. "Oh God Shawn!" Sara wailed as she climbed higher and higher. Shawn slid his hand between them and played with her clit; sending her over the edge. He covered her lips with his as she screamed as she came; his seed pulsed into her as he let out a hoarse moan, their cries of pleasure were muffled by their lips. "I love you," Shawn groaned as he pulled reluctantly away from her. "I love you too," Sara said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Deborah, Jacob, I'm so sorry!" Sara exclaimed when she saw Sam's parents at the cemetery. "Thank you Sara," Deborah murmured, giving Sara a tight hug. "My God she's getting big," Jacob commented when he saw Olivia. "I know," Sara mused. Jacob laughed slightly. "I'm glad you're here Sara, I know this can't be easy for you," Jacob told her. Sara gave a faint smile. "Where else would I be?" Sara asked. "Sitting Shiva with your parents," Jacob answered. "Mom and I sit Shiva without my father," Sara said, a tone of finality in her voice. "Where's Kelsey?" Shawn asked. "I'm sure she's with David," Sara answered. She followed Shawn's gaze and sighed when she saw her father walking towards them. "Jacob, Deborah, I am very sorry about Sam. He was a good young man," Ben said, glancing once at the daughter he had given up on. "Thank you. Yes, he was a good man," Jacob agreed. "What are you doing here?" Sara wanted to know. "Our families have been friends for almost thirty years and they were there for us when David passed and I want to be there for them now," Ben answered. Sara gave a small smile; this was the father she remembered from her childhood. Shawn glanced at Ben before glancing at Sara. "Shawn, why don't you take Livvy to find Kelsey and Junior. I'm sure they're visiting David," Sara suggested. Shawn hesitated but nodded. He reached out and squeezed Sara's hand before walking away. Sara waited for her child to be out of hearing range and for Sam's parents to move on to the next group of family and friends before turning back to her father. "So why are you really here?" Sara wanted to know. "I wanted to be here for Jacob and Deborah. They're good friends," Ben answered. "Yes they are," Sara agreed. "You're looking pale Sara," Ben observed. "My best friend died," Sara reminded him. Ben nodded but said, "I think it's more than that Sara Grace." "What do you care anyway? You told me I wasn't your daughter anymore after I got pregnant with Livvy," Sara reminded him. Ben winced at that. "I deserve your anger," Ben began. "You're damn right you do. I'm not doing this now, not today. I'm going to go and sit with Kelsey and Junior and then I'm going to see David and going home and taking a hot bath. Please, just leave me alone today," Sara told him before walking away. CHAPTER EIGHT "You wanted to meet?" Sara asked, stopping at the table where her father sat. "Please, sit down," Ben said, motioning to the other chair. "What do you want?" Sara wanted to know. "I wanted to apologize about how I reacted," Ben began. "When?" Sara asked. "When I saw you and Sam having sex and when you got pregnant with Olivia. I was an overbearing ass," Ben said. "Yes, you were," Sara agreed. "Though now that you're a parent, maybe you can understand how I felt when I saw you and Sam?" Ben asked. "A little. You still overreacted," Sara said. "Yes, I did. I know our relationship hasn't been the same since. I miss being able to talk to you and seeing you. Your mom talked to be after your graduation and told me you graduated Summa Cum Laude. I'm so proud of you Sara; you and Shawn raised that beautiful little girl and still manged to graduate with honors from college. You accomplished what most would consider to be impossible," Ben rambled. "Dad, what do you want?" Sara asked, rubbing her eyes. "Are you alright?" Ben asked, seeing the weariness in her eyes. "You're still pale," he added. "I'm fine, just tired. What do you want?" Sara asked again. "I want a second chance. I want to be back in your life and I want to meet Olivia," Ben answered. "I'll think about it," Sara said as she stood up. Sara took two steps and her knees buckled; she landed hard on the tile floor of the diner. "Someone call 9-1-1!" Ben shouted, kneeling down next to Sara. He was relieved to she was still breathing. "Easy Sara," Ben warned, seeing her eyes flutter open. "What happened?" Sara asked as she tried to stand up. "Stay down kiddo, you took a nasty fall," Ben said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What happened?" Shawn asked as Ben led Sara into the apartment. "She passed out and hit her head," Ben answered. "I'm fine, I just stood up too fast and got dizzy," Sara protested as Shawn practically forced her into a chair. "Mommy, you're home!" Olivia shouted as she ran into the living room. "Hey Livvy," Sara said with a smile. "Are you hurt?" Olivia asked, climbing into Sara's lap. "Just a little. How about a kiss, it'll make it all better," Sara murmured with a smile. Shawn glanced at Ben and motioned for his soon to be father to follow him into the kitchen. "What happened?" Shawn asked again. "Sara passed out and hit her head on the floor; I took her to the hospital. She has a mild concussion so watch her tonight," Ben answered. Shawn nodded and glanced back to where Sara sat with Olivia. "Olivia is beautiful," Ben said after a moment. "Yes, she is," Shawn agreed. "I was telling Sara at the diner that I know I made a mistake and was a dumb ass when she got pregnant with Olivia. I want to apologize for my behavior and my reaction. You both managed to succeed when the world was against you," Ben told him. Shawn studied Ben carefully and was relieved when he saw nothing but pure regret in the man's eyes. "I hope you and Sara can rebuild a relationship, I know she's missed having you in her life, even if she won't admit it," Shawn said. He glanced into the living room again. "We haven't set a date yet but we're getting married," he added. Ben smiled and they both looked up as Sara and Olivia walked into the kitchen. "You should be resting," Ben scolded. "I'm a big girl, I know how to take care of myself," Sara snapped. Ben sighed before saying, "I have something for Olivia, if it's okay with you." "It depends on what it is," Sara said. Ben reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small book. "Olivia, these are pictures from when your mom and uncle David were little," Ben told Olivia, handing it to her. "Look mommy, there's uncle Sam," Olivia pointed out. "Why were you crying?" Sara glanced at the picture and smiled. "I remember that day. Uncle David had a very bad illness and almost died. Uncle Sam cheered me up. Then after I stopped crying about Uncle David, Uncle Sam put a frog in my hair," Sara answered. Shawn chuckled and Ben shook his head. Ben flipped to a different picture. "This picture is your mother at her most devious. She took a garden snake and put it in uncle Sam's back pack. When Sam opened the bag, the snake bit him in the nose," Ben told Olivia. Sara started laughing. "I forgot about that," Sara muttered. "David didn't. You about screamed the roof off when he put Sam's tarantula in your underwear drawer," Ben reminded Sara. Sara shook her head in amusement. "I got them both back though," Sara said. "Yes, you did. They both wanted to lock you up in the basement when you started dating Tory," Ben told her. "What?" Sara asked in surprise. "David didn't trust Tory and Sam didn't think he was good enough for you. Apparently, Tory was dumb enough to complain to David that you weren't ..." Ben paused while he tried to think of a word that wouldn't be too graphic for his five year old grand daughter to hear. "Putting out," he finished. Sara blushed and glanced at Shawn. "I should go, you need to rest," Ben added. He knelt down in front of Olivia. "Enjoy the pictures sweetie and be good for your mom," he told her. "I'm always good for mommy," Olivia declared with a sweet smile. Ben glanced at Sara who gave an amused smile. "Not always, but usually," Sara said. "Hug grandpa goodbye," she prompted. Olivia wrapped her little arms around Ben's neck and hugged him. Life Lost and Love Gained Ch. 07 "Good-bye for now beautiful," Ben murmured before standing back up. He looked at Shawn for a moment before focusing his attention on Sara. "I really am sorry for being a fool. Take care of yourself and call me if you need anything," Ben said softly. Sara gave a tense smile and allowed Ben to give her a gentle hug. Before Ben walked out the door, he turned back to Shawn and said, "Take care of her." ~~~~~~~~~~~ "How's the head?" Shawn asked, setting a mug of hot chocolate on the night stand. "Better," Sara murmured. "Is Livvy asleep?" "Out cold," Shawn confirmed. He sat down on the bed next to her and brushed back a strand of hair. "Do you want to tell me what you didn't want to say in front of your father?" Shawn asked. "There's nothing else to say. I stood up too fast and got dizzy, it happens," Sara protested. "You're holding something back," Shawn accused. "No, I'm not!" Sara denied. Shawn gave her a pointed look. "What makes you think I'm hiding anything?" Sara wanted to know. "When's the last time you got dizzy enough to pass out just from standing up?" Shawn challenged. Sara thought for a moment and her eyes widened. "I see we're finally on the same wave length," Shawn joked. "I don't think it's very likely," Sara said finally. "Why not?" Shawn asked. Sara held up the packet of birth control pills. "Did you miss any?" Shawn wanted to know. Sara resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Just the sugar pills," Sara answered before reaching for her mug of hot chocolate. "When will you know for sure?" Shawn wanted to know. "Two weeks," Sara said. Shawn nodded and squeezed her hand. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hey," Shawn said, knocking on and opening the bathroom door. "Hi," Sara murmured, looking up at him. "What's the verdict?" Shawn asked nervously. "Just a dizzy spell, it was negative," Sara told him. "You're sure?" Shawn asked. Sara sighed. "I took six tests Shawn and all of them came back negative," Sara murmured. Shawn breathed a sigh of relief. "What's the matter Shawn? Don't want any more kids with me?" Sara asked. "What? No! I would love to have more children with you, but not now. We just graduated and I just got that job offer in Phoenix. Now would just be a really bad time Sare," Shawn murmured, reaching for her hand. "So if it had been positive, you would have been happy?" Sara asked with a sniffle. "Very," Shawn answered, pulling her into a hug. "When I said that I love you, I meant every word," he murmured. Sara gave a small smile and threw the tests in the trash. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ -6 months later- "Come in," Sara called in response to the knock on the door. "Hi dad," she murmured when Ben walked into the room. "Are you ready? Shawn is practically having a nervous breakdown out there," Ben murmured. "She's ready," Joyce answered for Sara. Sara took a shaky breath and took one more look in the mirror before turning back to her father. "I'm ready," Sara confirmed. "You look amazing," Shawn murmured in Sara's ear as they danced. "You don't look too bad yourself," Sara countered. "I wanted to fuck you then and there on the damn bheema," Shawn growled. Sara blushed and Shawn chuckled. "How much longer before we can leave?" Shawn wanted to know. "They haven't even served food yet!" Sara reminded him. "They'd better hurry because otherwise we'll be visiting the coat room," Shawn warned. Sara blushed again and looked up as Kelsey made her way over to them. "What's wrong?" Sara asked, seeing the look on Kelsey's face. "I hate to steal the limelight but I think I'm in labor," Kelsey whispered. Sara and Shawn glanced at each other. "You think?" Sara asked. "Okay, I know I am," Kelsey corrected. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Kels?" Sara asked, sticking her head in the door of the hospital room. "Hey. Come on in," Kelsey said with a tired smile. Sara and Shawn walked quietly into the hospital room. "Boy or girl?" Sara wanted to know. "Girl. I was thinking about Samantha," Kelsey murmured. "Perfect," Sara told her friend with a smile. EPILOGUE "Kelsey!" Sara squealed as she exited the baggage claim area of Detroit Metro Airport. "Look at you!" Kelsey exclaimed with a laugh. "I know, a beached whale," Sara said with a laugh. "Are you insane lady, getting on an airplane and flying two thousand miles when you're this far along?" Kelsey scolded. "I missed you and Junior," Sara said defensively. "I tried to talk her into waiting but she was like a bull dog," Shawn added from behind her. Kelsey laughed and turned her attention to Olivia who was standing next to her father with a bored expression on her face. "Hey Livvie," Kelsey said with a smile. "Hi." Kelsey looked at Sara in surprise. "Livvie was going to be spending the summer with some friends at camp until I decided to come back to Michigan," Sara murmured. "I'm sorry you're disappointed but David's excited to see you," Kelsey told the young woman. Olivia's face lit up. "He's still your cousin Liv," Shawn reminded her gently. "But he's cooler than you guys," Olivia retorted. Shawn sighed and Sara gave him a look telling him to back off. "I can't believe she's nearly ten years old," Kelsey commented as she helped Shawn load their suitcases in the trunk of her van. "Tell me about it," Shawn agreed. "How's Sara really doing?" Kelsey wanted to know. "She's doing great. She has missed living around family but she's doing great," Shawn answered. Kelsey smiled and slammed the hatchback closed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "David, Luke, Sam, I'm back!" Kelsey called, opening the back door. "Hi mom," David said, looking up from his comic book. "Aunt Sara!" he exclaimed. "Hey kiddo! God you look like your dad!" Sara said with a smile as she gave her nephew a hug. "Wait until you see Luke," Kelsey said with a small smile. David stood up and pulled the chair he had been sitting in out. "Sit down aunt Sara," David suggested. Sara smiled and sat down in the chair, looked up as Lucas walked into the room. "So the court let you stay hm?" Sara murmured. "Yeah. I threatened to run away if they moved me," Lucas answered. Sara smiled. "Mom, I can't find my purse!" Olivia exclaimed, walking into the kitchen. "It's still in the van," Sara told her. "Liv?" Sara asked, glancing at her daughter when she didn't answer. She gave Kelsey an bemused glance when Sara noticed that Olivia's eyes were locked on Lucas' eyes and vice versa. "How's school going Luke?" Sara asked. "I have a 4.0," Lucas answered. "That's good," Sara said with a smile. "Where's Sam?" Sara wanted to know. "Napping," Lucas answered. "Still?" Kelsey asked in concern. "She went down a half hour ago," Lucas said. Kelsey nodded and looked up as Shawn walked into the kitchen. "Let us buy you dinner," Shawn told Kelsey. "Okay," Kelsey agreed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sara? You okay?" Shawn asked walking onto the balcony of the hotel room where she could see Olivia, David, Sam and Lucas playing in the pool under Kelsey's watchful eye. "Sore back, I'll live," Sara answered. "You sure it's just a sore back?" Shawn asked. "I'm sure," Sara murmured. Shawn rubbed her back and pressed a kiss to her neck. "God, can't you guys get a room?" Olivia groaned when she returned to the hotel room ten minutes later. Sara heard Kelsey laugh and the other kids looked away. "Liv, why don't you take Sam into your room next door and change. Boys, you can take turns in the bathroom then we'll go out for dinner," Shawn said, a no-nonsense tone in his voice. Kelsey followed Sara into the bathroom. "You okay?" Kelsey asked. Sara nodded but asked, "Do you think you can keep Liv tonight?" Kelsey studied her friend carefully and grinned. "No problem. Call me as soon as you know anything," Kelsey agreed. She followed Sara out of the bathroom as Shawn was paying the bill. "Luke, Shawn and Sara are going to borrow your car for the night and Liv's coming to our house for the night," Kelsey told him. "What? Why? Don't you think you could have asked my permission first?" Lucas asked. "What's going on?" Shawn asked. "It's time," Sara said with a grimace. Shawn stood up instantly, took the check to the bar and spoke with the bartender who closed out their bill. "Please be careful with my car," Lucas said to Shawn as he reluctantly handed over the keys. "I will," Shawn promised before turning and guiding Sara to the car. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Kels," Shawn said softly, shaking his friend gently. "What time is it?" Kelsey asked groggily. "Nearly four am. Another girl, this time, she's full term," Shawn answered. Kelsey smiled and shuddered when she remembered what had happened nearly a decade earlier. "How's Sara?" Kelsey wanted to know. "She's doing great. She just wants to get out of the hospital and come home," Shawn answered. Kelsey smiled. -Three days later- "Oh my God Sara, look at her!" Kelsey squealed. Sara laughed. "She's beautiful," Kelsey murmured. "What have you guys named her?" Kelsey wanted to know. "Mackenzie Rose," Sara answered. "She's beautiful," Kelsey said again. Sara nodded. "All that's left now is to go visit David and Sam," Sara murmured. "Hi David. I miss you so much. I wish you could have meet Olivia, she's such a beautiful young lady and she reminds me so much of you. She and Junior are so close that sometimes they remind me of you and I. I don't know what you and Sam have been talking about up there but I know you're both watching over us and keeping us safe. I love you David," Sara said softly, placing some smooth, round and oval stones on the grave marker. She pressed a kiss to the headstone before standing up and walking to where Shawn stood waiting. ~~~~~~~~~~~ "I miss you too kid," David called after his sister before fading into the foggy mist. Sara turned back towards David's grave when a cool wind frolicked at her back. She smiled and said, "Goodbye David." For those who are going to ask what is up with putting rocks on the grave, here's the answer: Symbolically in Judaism, it suggests the continuing presence of love and memory which are as strong and enduring as a rock. And we know that one name for G-d is "The Rock of Israel." So the rock is a reminder of the presence of the Rock, Whose love truly is stronger than death.