7 comments/ 11662 views/ 3 favorites I Am Jack's Life Ch. 02 By: Finis Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** True to her word, Beth did not stop talking to me when the school year started. In fact, she talked to me every day. After a couple of days, I even started talking back. Truth be told, we were better friends at school than we had been over the summer. After a week, I started sitting with her and her friends at lunch. Beth was very popular and had a lot of people she called her friends. Most of the cheer squad, pretty much every athletic jock at school, and she'd hug all of her friends when she met them in the halls or for lunch. (Me included. I never got tired of that. Especially the first time she did it in front of my friends, but that's a different story for the moment.) But there were really only three girls that Beth really thought of as her friends. Two of them were cheerleaders; the other was a girl Beth had been friends with since kindergarten. They were all mind-bogglingly hot too. Maybe not, to my secret comparison, as hot as Beth, but still plenty hot enough for masturbatory fantasies at sixteen. Kim was another cheerleader. Blonde in every sense of the word; she was not the smartest of the group, but she wasn't stupid. She was taller than Beth, taller than all of us really. She had a slim figure that made her a little too skinny, but she had a gorgeous face and lips, and loved to make these pouty little faces with them. Really, I can't think of any guy that wouldn't have dreamed about those lips wrapped around his thing. Maybe gay ones. Maybe. Annabeth, who we just called Anna to avoid confusion with Beth, was the other cheerleader, and she was the jock of the group. She was also in soccer and track, and she had the longest legs ever. She was pretty smart and didn't struggle too much to keep her high C average. She could easily have been an A student, but like I said earlier, attitude was as important as smarts when it came to school, and Anna just didn't have an academic attitude. She was also easily the most outgoing of any of them. She would cheer loudly for the least things. She also liked to party and was usually the source of most party invitations. Then there was Abby. She was the least outgoing of the four of them, which is to say she was ten times more outgoing than I, but compared to the three cheerleaders, she was practically shy. Her parents were also like super lawyers or something, and she always had money to burn. With auburn hair that she'd keep just above her shoulders, she also was the most practical and down-to-earth of the girls. Not that she wasn't a little spoiled by her seemingly unending wealth, but she didn't flaunt it too much. At least around us. Us. Yeah, I was included. Most of Beth's other friends ignored me. Certainly all of her male friends and most of the other cheerleaders. But those three accepted my presence almost without question. They talked to me at lunch, laughed at my jokes, and took my friendship with Beth at face value. They all also needed tutoring, or at least asked for it. I was all too happy to oblige. And this is where we came in, with me figuring out it was easier to get girls to talk to you if you did their homework for them. That year was a pretty good one. I was part of a group. A popular one which somehow, I guess, began to include me. I was friends with four of the hottest girls in school; they gave me hugs every day, asked my advice about boys and their outfits, they laughed with me, invited me to parties with them, and just - included me. That in and of itself was a miracle. I even got better at dressing myself with a lot of help and advice from the girls, of course. I bought some nicer clothes with the money they gave me for tutoring. Even after I insisted it wasn't necessary anymore, once they learned I was spending it on clothes, they started taking me shopping with them. I guess I wasn't completely a nerd anymore, but they were all still way out of my league for anything but friends. We were a clique. There were problems of course. I mean my presence in their group caused a lot of their boyfriends to become jealous, and I'm pretty sure everyone else in the school thought I was their gay mascot, but I didn't care. They were my friends, and they weren't afraid or ashamed to call me theirs. Sure, I did their homework for them sometimes, but I just as often helped them figure it out on their own. Their grades improved; my social status improved. It was win-win. I never felt used or taken advantage of. It did of course create tensions with my other friends. The first time Beth came up to me in the halls, I was standing around with a bunch of my buddies from the Chess club (look, I already admitted I was a nerd okay?). Beth, the sexy avatar of all that was appealing in the world, came up and wrapped her arms around my neck in a sudden hug. She even lifted up one leg. She was wearing her cheer outfit and had her hair back in a pony-tail. "Hey Jack!" she said in her everyday bubbly charm voice. I smiled and hugged her back briefly. I thought the guys around me were going to lose their eyeballs. Beth pulled back and smiled at the other guys, "Hey guys, I need to steal Jack a sec, okay?" Her hands fell into mine and she pulled me a few steps away. "What's up?" I asked, trying to force the casual. Yeah guys, beautiful girls come up to me all the time. This is no big deal. Watch and learn from the master. "Can you be a doll and give this to Anna for me after next period?" She handed me a bunch of notes. I recognized them; they were my notes I had given her for her open-book test yesterday. (This was before I'd started tutoring all of the girls, but after I'd started eating lunch and hanging out with them.) "Sure, she's got, who, Ms. Enverton right now?" "You got it!" Beth smiled brightly. I smiled back. It was infectious. "Thanks, babe!" she said and blew me a kiss as she spun on one foot and trotted off, her pony-tail bouncing back and forth in her wake. Blowing kisses was something she did a lot, to lots of people. I composed myself and tucked the notes in my back pocket before turning around to face my fellows. From the looks on their faces I had just done the impossible. Moon landing. Oh yeah. Rock Star nerd status. My best friend, Tomas, gave me a subtle "low-five" and then demanded the story, which I gave to him - minus the kiss - I didn't want that getting out. "Dude!" after I was done, "Holy shit, dude!" he exclaimed in awe. "Yeah," I said sagely. "No wonder Todd has been looking like he wants to put your ass through a brick wall lately," he said. I shrugged with feigned casualness, "Todd can suck it up. Beth and I are just friends." Truth be told I was scared shitless of Todd. Like, seriously afraid to go into the men's room and poop. They might find me alone in there. "Still man, watch your ass. He's the scary jealous type," my friend said. Like I didn't know that. I shrugged again. So that was the first term. I was a god among the downtrodden. The miracle man who had somehow transcended his social status and been accepted into the upper echelons of popular society. I was James motherfucking Bond. And oh yeah, did it go to my head. I took my friends- my old friends- for granted. I spent every moment I could with the girls. I hung out with them at school, and by second term, after school as well. I didn't notice that by the end of my sophomore year, only Tommy still hung out with me. I didn't notice. Not then. Not yet. I was getting invited to parties. I was accepted by high society. Part of it at least. Beth had ditched Todd, and that had been a month of running scared for me. Word was he blamed me and thought I was hooking up with Beth in his place (I wish.). I had to duck the entire wrestling team in the halls. No easy feat; let me assure you. Soon though, she was dating Jeff Olsen, the junior starting varsity half-back, and the pressure came off me. Pretty soon, the year had come to a close. Then another, much like the previous. By then I was a permanent part of the gang. By the end of our junior year I had out-lasted dozens of boyfriends, break ups, tearful phone calls, and shared the misadventures of adolescence. I only barely talked with Tommy anymore; I'd even heard he'd gotten a girl-friend. One of the Asian girls in the 4.0 club. Good for him. I was still in the 4.0 club too. Only four of us remained. Tommy, his girlfriend, her brother, and myself. When the end of junior year rolled around I was in a four-way tie for the best GPA for our school. But I still didn't care, not yet. I was Beth's friend. That was all that really mattered to me. As it turned out, Beth and I had the same birthday: August twenty-ninth. This year we'd both be turning eighteen. All of the other girls had already turned eighteen, so we were the last. They- the girls I mean- were planning quite the bash. It was simultaneously to celebrate Beth and I "getting legal" as they joked and start our senior year off with a bang. Abby's parents had a huge beach house, and they had given permission for the place to be used for the party in question. I have no idea why, or how she'd managed it, but we were going to have a three story house right on the beach for what the girls called "The Party of the Century". A bit cliché I know, but hey, it wasn't my idea. A couple days before the party, we were at the house putting up decorations, and as usual, the girls were teasing me. I don't mean verbally, though that too. I mean teasing me. Flirting. Flashes of skin, pouting to get me to do stuff with implied promises everyone knew would never happen. I was the token guy. I was so firmly friend-zoned by these hotties I wasn't even in the same country as the boyfriend field. I think Kim even thought I was gay. In other words, I was totally safe for them to be flirty, teasing, and even a little bit mean to. I didn't mind, most of the time. Really I was still crushing on Beth hard enough to make diamonds out of carbon, and who minds a bit of flirting with four of the hottest girls in school? The only time I did mind really was when they brought up my single status. See, they all had boyfriends. Most of them had had more than one during the course of our friendship. Anna had had close to half a dozen, maybe more. She was pretty outgoing and not afraid to bring the flirt to the guy she had her eye on. Also crazy hot, but whatever. Point is, I was the only one in the gang who hadn't had so much as a movie date, ever. Beth remained the farthest I'd ever gotten with a girl. That one kiss, and countless "friend hugs". The girls constantly pushed me to ask girls out. Look, it's not like I hadn't tried. Sure I had an undying flame for Beth, but I had actually been interested in other girls, if only to get some kind of experience. The problem though, was complicated. Four-fold really. Yeah. The problem was Beth, Anna, Kim, and Abby. You can't be friends with four examples of divine hotness on earth and then ask out a girl of lesser mortal status. She says no. She's either afraid it's a trick, or that you're settling, or that she's going to be a beard for your rumored homosexuality. I'd tried, a few times. Okay, three. First was right before the end of my sophomore year. Julie Perkons. She was cute, in a sophomore girl kind of way. She was smart; I'd met her in my Advanced English class actually. And she was single. I guess when you're half-way cute and spend your days surrounded by guys that aren't sure which end of a girl is up, but they're threatened by your intelligence to the point where they have to compete more fiercely with you than each other, you don't get asked out a lot. At least that was the impression I'd gotten by her startled expression when I asked her, stammering, if she'd like to get coffee sometime. "Er... I thought you were going out with Beth Jenkins?" she said. I blushed. "Ah, no, Beth and I are just friends." Despite whatever else I might wish. Hell it was Beth who'd urged me to ask Julie for coffee in the first place. "Ah," was all she said, probably able to figure out the rest on her own. Settling then. "No thanks Jack; see you in class tomorrow." Strike One. Next had been Felicia Jones from my AP U.S. History course. She was a grade higher than I. I'd made the mistake of not noticing she was not, in fact, single. Strike Two. Most recently had been at Junior Prom. I'd actually gotten Tasha Mellin to agree to go with me; we had our picture taken and everything. But once we showed up, and I was showered with hugs and cheek kisses from my friends, who were, honestly, twice as hot as Tasha could ever hope to be, and that was all she wrote. I'd ended up driving Tasha home early with her in tears and me being about the most uncomfortable I'd ever been in my young life. Strike Three. So they teased me. Flirting, and 'innocent' brushes against me. "You need a date." And again with that. I looked up. It'd been Anna who said it. She was currently on a step-stool and was hanging banners above the Malibu style arches of Abby's family's beach house. Stretching up like that showed off her sexy midriff and belly button. I looked back down. "Why?" "Cause we've all got one, silly," Beth this time. She was bringing in a box of something. She had a slight sheen of sweat on her chest and forehead. "Besides, it's your eighteenth birthday party; gotta have a date to help you celebrate," she grinned mischievously. Sexy, but I also knew I was getting none of it. "Any of you volunteer?" I said. I kept the humor in my voice. It was the only way to get the teasing to stop; roll with it. Lessons learned over two years of hanging with them. They laughed. Not harshly; they weren't mean, not intentionally anyway. Not to me. "We've got dates; we said that already," Kimmy said. Delectable, blonde Kimmy and her tank-tops. Her breasts were small enough she often skipped bras 'in private'. I'd been in the private club for over a year now. I never got tired of her nipples poking against the cloth of her tops. "Well, I guess I've exhausted my options then," I said with a chuckle. I tried not to force it. Beth could tell when I was. "Oh Pshaw. You just need to ask a girl, can't expect one to fall in your lap," Beth said, putting her box down and wiping her brow. "But isn't that the start to every romantic comedy ever?" I asked with mock confusion in my voice. They laughed, and for the moment, the subject was dropped. With not unremarkable foresight, Abby's parents were having us take out a lot of the fragile lamps and stuff from the house, to replace with cheap Wal-Mart ones. Smart really. I was loading stuff into the back of my car a couple of hours later when Beth came out. "Hey," she said brightly, coming up out of the house with her fingers stuck in her pockets. "Hey," I said back distractedly, as I carefully loaded what was probably a thousand-dollar lamp into my backseat. Abby's parents were, if it wasn't obvious by now, quite rich, and I guess they trusted me with their stuff. Parents read the weirdest things into a good GPA I guess. "So, seriously, how come you aren't going to try and get a date to our party?" With the other girls, it was "The Party." With Beth, it was "Our Party." Hers and mine. Most of the time I liked that she did that, made it feel special, and gave me another connection with her. Now however, it just reminded me that she was so close but still so way out of my league. "I dunno; no time I guess. It's not like I know a lot of girls besides the four of you outside of school, and it's summer, so my options are a bit limited." Fuck me if that almost didn't sound plausible. She bit her lip and played with her toe in the gravel on the side of the driveway. They had this super expensive white stone gravel that lined the three-car driveway. Like I said. Loaded. "Alright, if that's what you say it is," she said, though her tone said she didn't believe me. I sighed and backed out of the car and turned to look at her. Sometimes her good looks still caught me off guard. There she was, standing in the driveway, her hair was up in a pony-tail, she had an old dirty tee-shirt on, ripped up jeans, and simple canvas shoes, but she still could have been a supermodel. I had it bad. But she also was very worthy of crushing on. I rubbed the back of my neck. "It doesn't come as easily for me as you guys; you know that." She nodded and bit her lip. Was that pity? I didn't want her pity. "Hey, it's no big deal. You guys will still dance with me and stuff, right? Even with dates?" Another thing. You do not get to stay friends with pretty and popular girls and not learn to dance. They all loved to dance, and they got invited to lots of parties. They usually invited me too, and after a couple of those I started getting dance lessons. Maybe so I'd stop embarrassing them, maybe because they just thought dancing was fun and wanted me to have fun with them. Either way, I'd gotten pretty good at it. I wasn't a stage show kind of guy - I'd never be in the middle of a ring of people showing off my moves or anything - but I could dance with any of them and not make a scene for anyone. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 02 She smiled and nodded, "Of course, you and I have to have a birthday dance." I returned the smile and shrugged my shoulders, "So what's the big deal then? I get four girls to dance with as it is, so why do I need a fifth?" She brushed a lock of hair out of her face and studied my expression carefully. I kept my smile in place. "I just don't want it to be super awkward for you or anything," she said after a bit. "You guys having dates? That's nothing new. You guys always have boyfriends." "Yeah, but not always all at the same time, and not during a party that's supposed to be, at least partly, for you." I shrugged again. She stepped up and hugged me. It was more than one of her hello hugs. She really wrapped her arms around me and put her head on my shoulder. I couldn't help it; my heart still skipped a bit. I was very aware of her body against mine. Fuck. "You're my best friend, Jack; I don't want to see you hurt," she said softly. Sigh. Oh yeah. That. "Hey, don't worry about me, okay?" I pushed her away a little but left my hands on her shoulders to hold her at arms' length a bit. I leaned down a little to make eye contact with her. In the last year I'd gained a few inches on her, more than a few actually. Since our freshman year I'd gone from five-foot-nothing to about six feet. She was still about five-foot-four. I really had to lean down now to get eye contact. "It's your party too. Don't worry about me. Promise?" She smiled which made me smile. Because not only am I a sucker; she really was my friend and dammit if I really didn't want her to be upset over me. "Promise," she said and leaned over to peck my cheek. But she missed; I was in the process of straightening back up, and I guess she misjudged my movement, and our lips met. We kissed. Lips against lips. It wasn't much more than the first time, a second, maybe two. We parted a little bit, and my whole life surged forward. Destinies are forged by choices made in the aftermath of moments, and I was going to make mine right now. I leaned forward and kissed her again. She didn't pull away. I moved my lips against hers and felt them move back. She was kissing me back. Two seconds lingered into three then four. My world exploded. Yeah, fireworks baby; that's how a first kiss should be. Then she pulled away. Fast. She looked shocked. And scared. Fuck, I'd misread her. Shit shit, I'd broken the friend-zone rule: never make a move. Fuck fuck fuck. I started to apologize, and she put her fingers on my lips. "Don't, Jack." She said. I moved her fingers away, "I was just going to apologize. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." "But you aren't sorry, so don't lie to me Jack, okay?" Her voice was firm. Well fuck, she had me there. I wasn't sorry. For four brief seconds I'd been the happiest I'd ever been in my life. "I... uh..." I flailed around for words. I'd mostly gotten used to her aura of afflicting gibbering stupid by now, but sometimes, like now, it would hit me and I had nothing. "Just... can we..." she started saying as she extracted herself from my hands, which were still holding her. I let go, shocked at myself. "Let's just pretend this didn't happen, okay?" she looked at me imploringly. I nodded. I guess it's not a lie if you don't speak. I'd never be able to forget this. Which is true. Twenty years later and it still makes me flush with embarrassment. A grown damn man, with a wife, and kids, a million years more experience in kissing, and I still cringe at my fumbling and my rejection. No Beth, I've never forgotten. Sorry for that. She walked back to the house and didn't look back at me. I hung my head in shame and finished loading the thousand-dollar lamps. Somehow I didn't break any of them. My hands were shaking pretty badly. The next couple of days were agony. Beth didn't call me, and I didn't call her. It was the longest stretch of time I'd gone without speaking to her in almost two years. I was worried I'd ruined it, worried that I'd show up at the party and my friendship with Beth would be over. Not just Beth either, but the other three too. To say I was plagued with self-doubt is to say that Europe had kind of a problem with the Black Death, or that Native Americans adapted poorly to smallpox. I was wasting away. I needed someone to put me out of my misery. That someone, as it turned out, was Kimmy. The night of the party, I was supposed to be getting ready, but I was laying on my bed languishing in my imagined exile from my friends. My mom knocked on my door and opened it, "Shouldn't you be getting ready?" "Yeah, I don't know if I'm going." Now, I dunno if my mother knew I'd been locked in the friend-zone with these girls. She certainly knew who they were. All of them at one time or another had come over to hang out, to pick me up, or for tutoring. She'd even taken a group photo for us on the lawn for junior prom. She knew, probably, that I had the most serious crush on Beth, and that I spent the most time with her. But I'm pretty sure she thought I had dated at least one of them. Maybe not, though; my mother was pretty smart. "Oh? Well, Kim is on the phone; you should let her know then." My mother said simply, and then handed me our cordless phone. Hey, it was '93. I didn't have a cellphone. "Yeah, what's up?" I said, attempting to shove all the misery of self-inflicted agony I'd put myself through in the last couple of days out of my voice. "Hey, what's up?" "Uhm, nothing. You called me." "Right. So hey, last minute I know and all, but my date has some funky strep thing, so I can't go with him." "Oh, sorry about that." "Oh I don't care, he was really not a great date anyway. Very cute, but not boyfriend material, you know? Kind of a jerk really." Erm, okay. That's Kimmy for you. Blunt and honest. "Sorry to hear that." "So anyway, I was thinking about what you said earlier, how you don't have a date, but you needed a volunteer. I volunteer." I think my brain skipped a beat. "Huh?" Again, you go with what you got sometimes. "I mean, I'd be your date. If you want." I blinked a few times. Now, Kimmy was very cute. All of them were. Tall, pretty close to six feet, skinny, long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I certainly had fantasized about her before. Especially on the days she skipped a bra. Usually that particular fantasy also involved Anna, or Beth, or all three in some kind of cheerleader foursome that I will not go into, but yeah. I had thought about it before. Maybe not dating her, but certainly having sex with her. Not that I thought I was going to have sex with her tonight, but a date was a good first step with any of them. "Uhm, sure. Great!" I said, catching myself and realizing that this was actually perfect. If I showed up at the party with Kim as a date, then Beth would relax and not be weird around me. Plus, hey, hot girl as a date. Bonus. "Cool, pick me up in like, what, an hour?" "Yeah, no problem!" I said. "Cool, see ya," she said and hung up. I had a date with Kimmy, the hot, blonde cheerleader. Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad birthday after all. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 03 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** I pulled into Kimmy's driveway almost exactly an hour after she'd called me. Kim lived in the same part of town as Anna and Beth: nice, but not in the same class as Abby; none of us lived there. It still was on the other side of town from me though, so I'd had to rush to get ready. I'd showered, changed, and put on just a tiny bit of cologne. I'd heard the girls complain about the guys who splashed it on heavy. I actually listened a lot when they thought I wasn't. Kimmy met me half way up her porch and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Hey Jack." "Heya, uhm, ready?" Okay, lame question, because she was standing out on the porch waiting for me, but I was still gathering my wits. She was dressed to party at least. She had a tight, sapphire blue strapless dress on; it came far enough down that it covered everything fully, but not so far down that it threatened to get near her knees. With as tall as she was, it showed off her long legs very, very well. I gulped. Okay, she was damn hot. I often forgot just how hot when Beth was around. "Yeah, let's party, Birthday Boy!" she grinned at me and went around to get in the passenger side of the car. I'd meant to beat her there and open it, but that didn't seem to be working out. "Uhm, shouldn't you tell your parent's you're leaving?" I asked, going to the driver's side. "Nah, they know I'm going with you. Everything's cool," she said offhandedly. Ah. I see. This was still going to be a friend-zone date after all. I sighed and pushed disappointment out of my head. I was going to have a good time. I was not going to ruin Kimmy's evening at least. I remembered how I'd felt driving my prom date home early. I wasn't going to do that to her. Just another evening out with my friend. I could do that. I settled back in the driver's seat and she leaned over and planted a kiss right on my lips. I was, needless to say, a little shocked. I might have even flailed my arms a little. Straight up Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future in the 'parking' scene. And she kept kissing me, moving her lips against mine softly. They were warm and slightly tacky; her lip gloss I guess. They tasted faintly of cherries. Somewhere in the middle of what had to be the longest thirty-second kiss in history, I started to relax and kiss back. I moved my lips in a matching motion to hers and leaned into it a little. Okay. Okay this was a real fucking kiss. I liked this. I really liked this. I could smell her perfume, light and flowery. Her breath was minty. She pulled back, and her lip gloss was only slightly smeared; I'd been imagining much worse. I was breathless and very relieved to see she was smiling brightly. "What..." I gasped, okay, still breathless. I wiped my lips; they were wet. "What was that for?" She shrugged which, by the way, was awesome in a strapless dress. "This is a date. I figured we should establish that right from the start, otherwise it wouldn't be different from any other time we hung out." I couldn't help it, I laughed. She looked confused. "Sorry, Sorry, Kimmy, but after that kiss - there's no way I could think of you as a friend tonight." She smiled again then hesitated, "But we can go back to being friends after, right? I don't want it to be weird." I smiled, actually; truth be told, I was more grateful for that question than the amazing kiss she'd just given me. I didn't want things to be weird either. "For sure," I said with the first smile I'd really meant all week. "Good," she leaned back in and we kissed again. This time, when I didn't start the kiss flailing in shock, it was pretty damn great. Her lips definitely tasted like cherries. She broke away with a big grin, and I'm pretty sure my face was about to break; I was grinning so hard. I pulled out of her driveway and headed out to what was shaping up to be the best birthday party of my life. By the time we arrived, the party was in full swing. Heavy club music pounded out, even out by the driveway. We pulled in behind at least two dozen cars, maybe more. As we got out, Kimmy started grinding her hips to the music and put her arms in the air and gave a little cheer. I laughed. She danced her way to the front of the car where we met, and she put an arm around my shoulders. I slipped my arm around her tiny waist and felt her moving against me. Holy hell that was sexy. We made our way inside, and I was hit by the wall of bodies and music. There had to be at least fifty people in here. Kim pulled her arm from around me and we held our arms up to make our way across the living room which had become the main dance floor. I followed Kimmy (my date, haha!) until we got to the other side where there were a bunch of couches set up against the wall. There we found Anna and her date, a guy I sort of knew from previous parties. Alan I think his name was. We shook hands. Anna got up and hugged me; she shouted something that was probably, "Happy Birthday!" into my ear, but I'm not sure. She also had what looked like a pink martini in her hand. Now don't get me wrong. All of us had drunk alcohol before. Like I said, we'd been going to parties together for two years. We'd even all got wasted together one night which is the closest I'd ever gotten to making out with any of them. But Anna really liked booze while I was kind of indifferent. So I was a little concerned, but it was nowhere near my place to say anything. Besides, she looked perfectly fine. I smiled and shouted back a "thanks". I looked around for the others. Abby was on the dance floor with a guy I didn't really recognize, but she danced happily away with him; I smiled and waved. She waved back. Another scan through the crowd though and I was pretty sure Beth was nowhere down here. All in all I recognized maybe seventy-five percent of the people at the party which was pretty good I guess. I never knew where all these people from parties came from, maybe other schools I guess. There had to be at least sixty people here just in this room, and I could see people moving up and down the stairs. I knew the girls had wanted another dance floor up there, plus the pool table was up there too. I wouldn't have been surprised if over a hundred people were here all told. Jesus. This was definitely the biggest party I'd ever been to. The girls really knew how to throw a bash. Kim hooked her arm in mine and jerked her head at the dance floor. I grinned and waved at Anna and her date. Anna raised an eyebrow at the two of us and I just shrugged with a smile as I let Kimmy drag me away. She pulled me by the hand into the middle of the dance floor and we started to dance. I'd danced with all of the girls, and even a few of their other friends several times. Both at parties and when it was just the five of us hanging out. Like I said, they loved to dance; three of them were cheerleaders and I think being a good dancer is a prerequisite or something. So I had long since gotten over my self-consciousness about dancing with a girl. Besides, in the middle of a big dance floor, no one is paying attention to you anyway. Besides, the best thing about dancing, in my opinion, was watching the girl you were dancing with. All of them loved to dance, and they were all really good at it. Normally when we danced, or more accurately, when I danced with one of them, they would stand a little ways away from me and just kind of put on a show- sometimes for me, sometimes for themselves, sometimes I guess even for their date who was usually not far away watching. Either way I got to watch one of my sexy friends move her body provocatively and with the kind of self-abandon you really could only get away with on a dance floor. It was always worth watching. Plus, it was an excuse to stare at them without being weird about it. After all, I was supposed to watch my dance partner, right? This time, when I went to stand a little ways apart from Kimmy, like we'd done many times before, she put her right hand on my shoulder and stayed close. She began moving with the music and put her other hand up in the air over her head. She stayed close enough that we kept bumping into each other a little bit awkwardly. I guess they'd never taught me how to dance with someone, just next to them. Luckily, Kimmy was a sport, and just grinned at me. She put her hands on my hips and got me moving with her, and then we were really dancing together. Friends - it's a totally different experience than just watching. One song bled into another, and she turned around and put my arms around her as she wiggled her sexy body up against me from behind. At first, I felt a little of my old self-consciousness returning, as this was a new situation, and I wasn't sure how to respond. Once again, Kimmy saved me and put my hands in the right places, which were her lovely hips, and she moved her ass up against my crotch. And yes, dammit, I got a damn hard-on. I was pretty embarrassed, but that was apparently what she was after, because she just looked back over her shoulder and smiled at me with a little wink. Fuck it, I had no idea if this would ever happen again, I was going to enjoy this. Besides, she started it. So I went with it. I ground my erection against her ass in time with the music. We danced for at least four songs, during which time she'd rubbed not just her ass but her hips against my crotch and then her breasts up against my chest. This was definitely not dancing a little ways away while I watched her visually tease me; this was a whole new level of tease. By the time the fourth song was over, I needed a break, both from the rubbing and the exercise. I jerked my head slightly in the direction of the sidelines, and she nodded in agreement. She took my hand, and we moved back out to the couches. On the way, she grabbed a couple of red plastic cups that had been filled from the keg and handed me one of them. I was not a fan of beer, but fuck, I was hot and thirsty. I gulped it down gratefully. We didn't see any of our friends on the couches, so we headed up stairs. Upstairs the music was noticeably quieter. "Having a good time?" she said to me with obvious flirtatiousness. "Wasn't it obvious?" I said back with a wry smirk. "Oh yeah," she laughed and kissed me again. A guy could get used to this spontaneous kissing thing. She pulled away from the kiss, and I could see all three of our friends staring at us with varying levels of surprise. Anna just laughed and cheered a little, Abby had a smug amused grin on her face, like she had a secret in-joke only she was privy too. Beth though had naked astonishment on her face. For a second, I felt a twinge of guilt, like I had cheated on her somehow. But then I saw the guy she was with, Todd Smith. Yeah. No guilt. Guilt gone. He smiled at me though and even held his hand out to give me a bro hand slap. Normally I wouldn't, but I was still feeling weird about the look Beth had given me. "Hey man, happy birthday," he said. Like we were buddies and he'd never thrown my ass in a dumpster full of rotten cottage cheese. "Thanks man," I replied like I had never gotten my ass thrown in a dumpster full of rotting cheese. "So you and Kimmy, huh? Nice, bro." he said. I forced a smile out. "Just a date for the night, birthday and all," I said. "Totally," Kimmy said with a pleased smile on her face, "Besides, I've been thinking about planting a wet one on this guy for a while; wanted to give it a try." Okay, now it was my turn for naked shock. Kimmy hooked her arm in mine and smiled, "This is cool right, no one is weird? I mean, we're all friends still right?" Anna laughed. "Well it's about time he hooked up with one of us; way to go Kimmy!" She gave Kimmy a high-five. Okay, that was a little awkward, 'about time'? Abby grinned and kissed me on the cheek with one of her typical hugs. "Happy birthday, Jack; make it a good one," she whispered in my ear. I smiled back, but I held myself apart from her hug a little. I still had the erection Kimmy had given me earlier. That would have been weird. Beth also came up and hugged Kimmy and then after the barest hesitation, me. "This is great; I'm glad you found a date, Jack." she said. Though there was an odd note in her voice I'd never heard before. Jealousy? Relief? Awkward embarrassment from my earlier fumbled kiss? Whatever. I put my arm around Kimmy, and she laughed and kissed me again. For the next few hours, I enjoyed the hell out of myself. I danced with all of the girls as was typical party behavior with us. Though it was definitely weird with Beth, and we danced only once. Kimmy and I though, we danced a lot, and it drove me crazy each time. She made it her mission to torment me to new heights each time we touched. Soon it wasn't just her ass that she taunted me with; her fingers caressed my neck and the back of my head, her lips danced across my neck, and toward the end of the evening, during a slow song on the dance floor upstairs, her hand fell between us and she squeezed my cock through my pants. I admit, I have pretty good restraint. By that point in my life I was no stranger to my own hand and teasing myself. I could hold it off a while (at least it felt like a while when it was just me) and I wasn't afraid of losing it early with a girl my first time. But I swear to god I almost lost it right then. I gasped and clenched up against her which took her for surprise. She pulled her hand away and put it on the back of my neck. Her fingers delicately caressed my neck as we swayed together. She leaned in and kissed my ear then whispered softly into it, "Everything okay baby?" Baby? We were on pet names already? I turned to whisper in her ear, "I think I need a break from the torment Kimmy, it's really nice, but..." "You almost just lost it in your pants?" She leaned just far enough back like she was going to kiss me but instead caught my eye and bit her lip provocatively Goddamn, that was hot. "You could say that." I tried to laugh it off. It was embarrassing, but I really did need a break or it would be more than just an 'almost'. Her eyes twinkled with delight. At least she was enjoying herself. She kissed me again. A real kiss again, not a lip brush. Her mouth opened and parted my lips as well. I felt her hot, little tongue flick in and brush against mine. We were french kissing. My first french kiss. It was slow too. Testing, exploratory, unhurried. We swayed against each other and kissed for the rest of the song. Exploring each others reactions and covering new ground. For me at least. I had no idea what her experience was, but she didn't complain. The song ended way too soon and we parted. She looked almost bashful. She blushed even and looked down. She took my hand and led me away from the party. We found a quiet corner in a hallway upstairs and she slid onto my lap. She didn't say a word and leaned in to pick up right where we left off. We kissed. We french kissed. We made out. I made out with a girl. A fucking hot girl. One of my best friends - and it wasn't weird. In fact, it made it hotter. Our hands didn't move around much. I gently pet her thigh, and her fingers teased my neck and the hairs on the back of my head. We mostly just kissed. A lot. Slow kissing. The kind you see in movies. I didn't rush her, and really didn't feel any rush myself. We just kissed. Sometimes there was tongue. Well, most of the time really, but sometimes there wasn't. I can honestly say I lost myself in it. For once I wasn't fantasizing what it would be like; I was there, doing it, and I was loving every second of it. And because it was Kimmy - that is, I think because it was my friend, I wasn't seeing it as a gateway to sex. I just wanted to enjoy the moment, and I wanted her to enjoy it too. I didn't want her to look back on this night with regret. So I did my best to follow her leads and hints about what I was doing that she liked and wanted more of. My first hint things were going far better than I could have hoped for was when she moaned. We'd been making out for, I dunno, at least twenty minutes, maybe forty. I honestly had no idea. She moaned against my lips. It was the first sound she'd made, and we'd found a pretty quiet corner, so it was the first sound besides the faint beat of music and wet smacking of lips. "Everything okay?" I asked, a bit breathless. "Fuck yes. God Jack, this is so fucking sexy," she breathed against me. Unlike our first kiss of the evening, her lipstick was definitely messed up now. "Yeah, yeah it is." I looked down at her lips and started to go back to kissing. "I know I got you hard earlier," she breathed around the next kiss. "Mm-hmm" I affirmed. More kissing. "That was hot," she moaned again slightly as I kissed down her neck. I hadn't explored there much yet, and if she wanted to talk, it left her lips free. Far be it from me to interrupt a lady. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 03 She sighed and shivered slightly; it wasn't at all cold out, so I assumed it was a good shiver. "Only fair I guess, then," she said tilting her head back. "What is?" I kept kissing her neck. I didn't suck, I didn't want to give her hickies. I always thought that was a little rude. And ugly. "Cause I'm really wet right now," she said. Friends, that is the best kind of encouragement a guy needs. I slipped my hand up to the front of her dress slowly. Too slowly for her, I guess, because her hand dropped down and pulled my hand up to her breast. Small as it was, it was still a pleasant round handful. I could feel her nipple hard against the palm of my hand and she dropped her mouth back down to mine kissing me with a groan. She squeezed my hand so I squeezed her breast. More moaning. Thus, we added petting to our making out. It was not to last though. We were just really getting going again with a definite new element of urgency to what had been previously just a slow paced make-out session when a slight clearing of the throat caught our attention. We both looked up and Abby was standing in the door of the hallway we'd stashed our little trysting session in, and she had the biggest grin on her face. I blushed - badly. But, so did Kimmy, and that made me feel pretty damn good. "If you two don't mind, I need some help with Anna. She's passed out," she said. "Uh sure," I said, and helped Kimmy slide off my lap. Luckily I'd been so focused on Kimmy's enjoyment that I was not, in fact, erect. I was kind of surprised really. Turned on, yes; hard and ready to rock, no. "She's on one of the couches downstairs," said Abby as she followed me out the hall and down the stairs. "Got it," I said and wiped my face off as best I could. The party was still going pretty well, but Anna was not on any of the couches. We asked around as best we could with the noise, but no one had seen her leave. Beth was upstairs watching Todd play pool with his buddies, but Anna wasn't up there with them. I began to get a bad feeling. I started knocking on doors. As large as the beach house was, there were only about six bedrooms, an office, and three bathrooms, all three of which had lines of people waiting to use them. No one had seen Anna, and most were pretty upset about me interrupting what was going on behind closed doors. I didn't care. I got to one of the last unlocked bedrooms upstairs and knocked on the door. "Hello?" I called against the door. "Go the fuck away!" said a male voice. "Hey, I'm just looking for my friend Anna. Is she in there with you?" I asked. "Go fuck yourself! Piss off." That was not a no, and there was really nowhere else in the house she could be. "Anna, if you're in there, just say something and I'll walk away!" I called out. Kimmy was behind me, and Abby had come up behind her. There was no response. My stomach twisted. Something was wrong. I rattled the door. It was locked. "Anna!" I shouted, pounding the door again. "Fuck - Off!" the male voice shouted again. "Open the fucking door! Anna!" "What the fuck, Jack?" said Beth as she came up the stairs with Todd. "I think Anna is in there passed out with some asshole," I said and rattled the door again. Kimmy started looking scared, and Abby said, "I'm going to the office, there's a master key in there." "And call the police too, Abby," I added pretty loudly. That must have got his attention, because a moment later, before Abby could even get all the way down to the office door, the locked clicked over and a guy's face that I didn't recognize stuck his head out. He didn't have a shirt on. "Piss off, we're fucking around! Now if you don't mind, get lost, okay?" "Why hasn't she said anything then?" I tried to push the door open further, but he had his foot against it. I did, however, get a look inside. Anna was indeed in there, but she didn't look conscious. Her shirt had been taken off and her bra undone. She was down to just her panties actually. He hadn't gotten those off yet. She wasn't moving. He was undressing her without her consent. I lost it. Someone was trying to rape my friend. I - roared. I think. I shoved past him and we both went down in a tumble. I think he shouted in pain, I dunno. I might have broken his foot with the door. I scrambled on top of him and started strangling the life out of him. He flailed his fists at me, but he mostly was just hitting my face indirectly; I didn't feel any pain at any rate. I think I was yelling something, probably something along the lines of, "I'm going to kill you, you fucking asshole!" At least, I think. It's really a little blurry. Next, I remembered people were pulling me off him. I think it was Todd who got his arms under mine in a full nelson. Wrestler, go figure. He was yelling at me to "Ease off, ease off!" I fought him. I was going to kill that fucker. I'd like to say it was bravery, or chivalry, or some shit like that. Really, it was just rage. He was about to violate my friend. I was going to kill him. It was really pretty much that simple. A bunch of Todd's friends took the guy out back and sent him on his way. I'm told he accidentally fell down the stairs a half dozen times on his way out. Pity. Abby and Beth got to Anna and covered her up with a blanket. She was actually semi-conscious, and had been trying to say "no" but couldn't make it work. She was crying. They helped her up and were starting to walk her past me when she heaved and blew out what I can only assume was about a gallon of pink martini. All over my pants. All in all, a great addition to the night. She blubbered something that might have been an apology, and Beth and Abby got her to the bathroom. From the sounds of it, there were a couple gallons more in there. Kimmy just looked at me and laughed. She was crying too. "Hey, shh, it's okay," I told her. I put my arms around her. I was careful to keep my pukey legs well away from hers. She lost it, sobbing into my shoulder. I held her as close as I could with puke pants. Truth be told I was starting to come down myself. I was more than a little rattled. Todd came back up the stairs with a couple of his teammates. "Ass clown is gone," he said. "He's lucky I didn't kill him," I said. I felt like I was going to lose it myself, but I held onto my emotions in front of these guys. "Heh, good thing I was here or Kimmy would be slow dancing with you at your next birthday in the state pen." He grinned, then held out his hand for a real hand shake, not a bro slap. I took it. He met my eyes and nodded. That's right, we were Men, the nod said. We'd protected the girls. We gripped hands and shook. Man to man. It made my chest swell up. I pursed my lips together and gave him another nod. "Good job, man," he said, and there was no bravado. He meant it. I nodded back again and just said thanks. He pulled his hand back and looked down at my pants. "Looks like she got ya," he laughed. The moment was past. Party on, friends, party on. I laughed a little, too, and again, almost lost it. But I just shook my head and grinned. He gestured to one of the underclassmen that was a part of his entourage, "Hey, go get Jack some pants out of my gym bag in the trunk. He's about as tall as I am." He called me Jack. Not nerd, not dweeb, not ass-clown, or any of the other half dozen names he'd had for me the last seven years. I'd earned my name, I guess. The guy nodded and headed out. I continued comforting Kimmy and within a few moments I had a pair of sweatpants. Not my good, black slacks, but hey, pants. "Thanks man," I said as they got tossed to me. "Don't worry about it. Alright, go get cleaned up; we'll see you later, birthday boy," He grinned, and he and his posse turned and left. Abby was coming out of the nearby bathroom. She'd pulled her own hair back into a pony-tail haphazardly. "How's Anna?" I asked immediately "Drunk. Drunker than I've ever seen her. Beth and I are going to take her to the hospital to make sure he didn't slip her something as well." I nodded, "Good plan. Let me change, and I'll get my car." She shook her head, "You're all blocked in. It's fine. You and Kimmy stay here for me, okay? I can't leave the house unattended. Beth and I will take Anna in. I parked my car down the street." I frowned but nodded. Abby smiled and gave me a hug, a very tight one. "You're fucking awesome, you know that Jack? Seriously. Thank God you figured out what was going on," she said and squeezed me tight. Goddammit, I was going to lose it. "Hey, no problem. I'm good for more than math tutoring right?" I said hoarsely, making a lame joke in order to cover up the emotional roller coaster I felt like I was on. She pulled back, "You're good for a hell of a lot more than that. Kimmy's very lucky," she said in earnest seriousness. I swallowed and just nodded. Kimmy tightened her grip around my arm. "Take your man and go get him cleaned up, Kimmy. You guys can use the master bedroom. I kept it locked. It has its own bathroom," she handed Kimmy a set of keys. "I'm going to go flash the lights and have Todd and everyone take last calls and stuff. Can you guys check in about forty minutes to make sure everyone's out and lock up for me?" I nodded. "Of course. Call from the hospital if you need anything." She nodded and squeezed my neck again, then squeezed Kimmy, who squeezed back. Abby turned back to the bathroom, and she and Beth started getting Anna ready to go. I ended up helping them out to Abby's car which was parked down the street in front of a neighbor's house. I offered once again to go, but Abby shook her head and told me to get my pukey-pants ass inside and away from her car. So I did. Todd and company were doing a fine job of getting everyone rounded up with Kimmy's help, so I went up to the master bedroom, retrieving my borrowed sweat pants from the hallway. The bedroom was huge - it took up most of the third floor actually, along with its bathroom, which was almost the size of my living room. I stripped down and found, to my disgust, that the puke had soaked through my pants and gotten my socks and feet. My leg hairs were caked down with the ooze of pink martini vomit. It stank pretty badly. I stripped down completely and got in the gigantic shower. It was one of those waterfall over-head ones, where the water comes from a wide spigot directly overhead. It was also hot almost instantaneously. I got in and shut the glass door behind me. The water sloshed over me like, well, a waterfall. So I guess the thing was aptly named. I washed up pretty mechanically, trying not to think yet, but that didn't last very long. It's what I did. Think. The walls were stone, and I just leaned forward against them. Then, I lost it. The confusion from earlier worrying about Beth. The high from making out and dancing with Kimmy. The rage and adrenaline from trying to kill someone who'd been about to rape one of my best friends. The aftermath. I shook from head to toe and sobbed a couple of times. It didn't take long, but I was still sniffling when there was a knock on the door. Someone said something, but I couldn't hear them over the shower and fan. I shouted at them that I was almost done, because that's what you shout when someone knocks on the door while you shower. Then the door opened. "Hey," I exclaimed, "In use!" "It's just me, Jack," said Kimmy. "Oh, uh... sorry." "No problem, it is a little loud in here isn't it?" she said over the fan and water. "Uh, yeah." I tried to see through the frosted glass of the shower. It was pretty steamed up, so all I could see was the blue of her dress. "Everyone's gone. I locked up like Abby asked." "Oh good. That was fast." "You've been in here almost forty-five minutes. I was starting to get worried." Oh, damn, okay, maybe it hadn't been quick. Great water tank. Through the frosted glass, the blue of her dress slipped to the ground, leaving fair pink skin in its place. Uh. Gulp? "Room in there for two?" came a quiet question. No shit fucking gulp. "S...sure." I said. I wiped my face as best I could, then covered my cock, which was you know, just hanging out there. The door opened and Kimmy poked her smiling face in. Her hair was still up, but she was completely naked. She opened the door all the way and stepped inside. Now. Let me pause a second again. I know you're all anxious to hear the description of naked Kimmy and trust me, I'll get to that. I'm going to take a second to talk about myself. Look, everyone has issues about their own body that they're self-conscious about. Doesn't matter whether you're male, female, gay, straight, bi, curious, or confused. We are our own worst critics. Trust me. My four female friends were the most gorgeous people I knew personally, and hell, really all of them were a match for any supermodel I'd ever seen. They were stunning. And every damn one of them complained about her body. Like, constantly. Boobs are too big, not big enough, fat, pudgy, too skinny, arms too long, cheeks too pinched, hair too flat, too curly, thin, thick. I'd heard it all from all of them. I, too, was pretty self-conscious about my body. Especially around them. With their help I'd gotten better at dressing in nice clothes and fixing my hair in a way that was easy and still pleasing to the eye. But I wasn't Todd. I wasn't an athlete. I wasn't fat or anything; I didn't have any pudge. If anything, I was too skinny. I had some definition but no mass. I was six-feet-tall and maybe a buck fifty. Like I said, pretty skinny. Also, in the, ahem, male department, I knew I was a bit above average. I'd measured myself. Every guy does. Seriously. Every guy. Maybe not with a ruler, but with his hand and then later measures his hand. Fully erect I was about six and a half inches. I counted the half inch. Of course I counted the half inch. The same way six-year-olds count the six months when they say they're six and a half, not merely six. So, I wasn't, you know, afraid of that, but, yeah, I had body issues. So when one of the four most beautiful girls in the world stepped naked into the shower with me, I was torn between awe, wonder, lust, and total abject terror. Unpause. Kimmy stepped naked into the shower. Her hair was still up and bound tightly on the top of her head. Naked, totally naked. Her small breasts were exposed and her pink nipples stood erect and hard against the air. Her tummy was flat and toned, but I'd seen that before; she wore a lot of shirts that showed off her midriff. But below her belly button and navel, that was new territory I feasted my eyes on the first 'in person' naked girl I'd ever seen. She was trimmed neatly and probably waxed on the sides - it was summer after all - and she loved bikinis. But her pubic hair, such as she had, was darker than I expected and did not do much to hide the red lips below. Holy. Shit. I followed her naked body past her crotch and down all of her sexy, long legs to her cute little painted toes. And back up. Holy. Shit. She was biting her lip when I met her face again; she stepped all the way inside and shut the door behind her with a click. "Hi," she said softly. "Hi," I replied just as softly. She stepped forward and got under the water with me. She turned her face up and rinsed her face off, scrubbing slightly. She still had cry-face, and her make-up was smeared. She looked at me and spit a little bit of water out gently. Water droplets cascaded down her naked breasts and off the tips of her nipples. She closed her eyes and kissed me. Her body was warm and wet against mine, and I could feel every inch of her naked flesh against me. Yeah, for the curious, if you aren't sure, naked, wet kissing is exactly one hundred thousand times sexier than fully clothed kissing. One hundred thousand. That's a scientific measurement by the way. We wrapped our arms around each other and continued our slow kissing from earlier. Her hands gently traveled down from my arms to my hips and then lightly up my sides. I jumped and tensed a little. I was ticklish. "What?" she asked, I think afraid she had hurt me. I smiled quickly, trying to reassure her, "I'm just ticklish, sorry." "Oh." she smiled, and it was a very sexy smile. Like she'd just learned some perfect little secret about me. She went back to kissing, but she kept her hands on my hips and chest. I moved my hands down to her naked ass and tried to keep the hand shaking under control as I gently squeezed one of the asses I'd been secretly ogling for two years. Yup. Erection returning. I felt myself getting hard and tried to casually pull away from her so maybe (ha) she wouldn't notice. Never breaking our kiss, she reached between us and gently pulled me straight up and against her belly. I hissed with pleasure as the first hands not my own in my memory touched my cock. Her fingers were slender and warm, and she handled me very delicately. It was very, well, erotic. She moved her hand back up and left me pressed between us and up against her taut belly. She snaked her hand around my neck and opened her mouth up. I followed her lead, and her tongue found mine. Pretty soon we were back to the fully exploratory wet kissing. She liked to dart her tongue in and out of my mouth and play a kind of gentle 'tag' with the tip of hers against mine. It was nice and not at all like the tonsil hockey I've heard of. "Is this the farthest you've ever gotten with someone?" she asked quietly after a while. "Oh yeah," I breathed quietly into her. "Me too," she said, shyly. Honestly, I was pretty surprised. The way the girls talked about their boyfriends and dates, I didn't think any of them were virgins still. Not that I really cared; I'd never thought of them as sluts or anything. Hell, a girl can like sex and sexy things without being a slut. Slut is a male word. I didn't like it. "Really?" I asked. She nodded and pulled back a little, "Is that okay?" She sounded worried. "Yeah, of course; why wouldn't it be?" "Just, things are going really great, and I really like what we are doing a lot," she blushed. "But I... I'm not ready to have sex yet, so I don't want you to be disappointed..." "Shh," I said and kissed her. Good god, she was worried I was going to think she was a bitch if she didn't sleep with me. She was worried about Me. "You don't mind?" she asked again after a few seconds of kissing. "Not at all," I said. Truth be told that would have been a little fast for me too. I mean, we just got to kissing tonight. She pressed herself against me. That, apparently, had been the right thing to say. "God Jack, you're so great. You're so great! You don't even know how great you are," she said between smothering me with a fresh round of kisses. "Uhm, okay?" I couldn't help it; I laughed a little. For some reason, Kimmy worried about my reaction to her telling me we couldn't sleep together tonight was terribly ridiculous in light of all the other events of the week. She started giggling too. And then we were both giggling like little kids. We clung to each other, our naked, wet flesh sticking and slipped as our emotions defaulted to silly in what was probably revolt for making them run through everything else in a single night. The kissing moments were gone, and soon we helped each other out of the shower and got towels. We dried off, and I won't lie, I admired her nakedness again. She didn't appear to mind and just smiled over her shoulder at me. I smiled back. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 03 I put the sweat pants on, and she just kept her towel wrapped around her and we went out to the bed and lay down. We cuddled. That was pretty great, too. "Have you ever kissed a girl before?" she asked after we'd been lying down a while. She had her towel tucked up tight against her chest, but one leg stuck out and wrapped around one of mine. Her head rested on my arm, and her free hand was absently running circles over my bare chest. "Yes." I said, not really wanting to go into more detail about with whom, but there was no way I was going to lie to her. Maybe I should just supply some detail and hope that's enough. "Nothing like what we've been doing though. Both times it was just lip brushing that only lasted a few seconds. "Oh," she said simply. Then after a few moments, "Well you're a natural then. I've kissed a few guys, and you're the best kisser I know." I blushed. "Thanks," I mumbled. "Seriously. You don't try to push your tongue down my throat and suffocate me. You don't have bad breath or exhale right into my mouth. It's nice. And you let me kiss you back." she said, drawing little circles on my chest. Okay, damn, that did my ego as much good as her telling me earlier how wet she was getting. "It's really sexy," she said again softly. "Yeah, it is." I replied and petted a strand of her hair. "I want to keep doing it," she said. Ah, lovely, blunt Kimmy. I chuckled a little, "Me too, but I'm a little tired to be honest, and I think my lips are getting chapped." She giggled, "Oh me too. But I didn't mean tonight, silly. I meant tomorrow and the day after. Maybe for a while." I turned to look at her. "You mean, you want this to be more than a one-time date?" She nodded against my arm, "Yeah, I think I do. Do you?" Kimmy, sexy, slender Kimmy, dating me. Wanting to date me, because I was an awesome kisser. Beth who? "Yeah, of course." "I know I'm not Beth, but I think we could have fun together," she said casually. I wasn't going to let that stand. I sat up a little. "Hey, look at me," I turned her face up with a finger under her chin, "Yeah, I have - had a crush on Beth for a long time. All of you at one point really. How could I not? You guys are all super sexy and you know it. And all of you have had fun teasing me for two years." She blushed and looked down, "Yeah. We have been kind of mean haven't we?" I pulled her gaze back up and continued, "I haven't minded. Hell, it's been a lot of fun. You guys are my best friends. Seriously. But I also never dreamed that me nursing torches for you guys would go anywhere. Any of you." I emphasized the last part. "Understand? I don't want you to be Beth; I want you to be Kimmy, okay?" She bit her lip and smiled. She gave me a little nod. I smiled and leaned down to kiss her. That started another good fifteen minutes of making out. Chapped lips be damned. "I wanna do something for you, Jack." "Mmm?" I said, somewhat sleepily. It was close to three a.m. at this point. I was starting to nod off. "Yeah, I wanna use my hand on you, okay?" Okay. Uh. No shit okay. "If you want to," I said carefully. I didn't want to sound too eager. "I do. I think it could be fun; don't you think?" "On one condition," I said. "Uhm, okay." "I get to return the favor afterward," I breathed against her neck. I was pleased her eyes fluttered closed at the suggestion, and she just nodded softly. "Okay," she said dreamily. She propped herself up, and I settled back a bit. We kept kissing, and her hand trailed down my stomach. She reached into my sweat pants and very gently, ever so softly wrapped her fingers around my cock. This was more than the gentle moving of it she'd done earlier. This was her full hand wrapped around me. She started to move up and down and stroke me very gently. It was fucking amazing. I was as hard as a rock in seconds. We kept kissing. Softly, slowly. Honestly I didn't need much attention. My poor body was so confused I felt myself getting close in less than a minute. "Kimmy," I said hoarsely against her lips. "Yes?" she was panting a bit herself; this was turning her on too. Good. "I'm really close," I panted against her. Really. Really close. I fought it off as long as I could, but my body was having none of it. Too much frustration in too short of a period. "Okay," she panted and sped up a little, squeezing me a little hard in her own excitement. That did it. I came. There was a lot, not gallons like you read about in smut mags, but enough that it took me by surprise, and this was hardly the first orgasm I'd achieved by hand. Certainly the first by a hand besides mine, though... She kept pumping, panting audibly, maybe even whining a little as she pressed her lips hard into mine. I struggled to catch my breath around her kiss. She was very turned on. "God Jack, that was so damn hot," she whispered. She was flushed. Her towel had come loose and her breasts were exposed again. I could see one pink nipple standing proud and tight against her skin. Her flush went from her cheeks to the very tips of her nipples. Friends, the sight of a girl at the peak or arousal is infinitely sexier than a picture of a naked girl posing for a camera. It was all the motive I needed for further action. We cleaned up the mess I'd made with her towel, and I pulled it completely away from her, leaving her naked on the bed next to me. I leaned over her and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around me and was trembling slightly. "Kimmy," I breathed into her neck as I started kissing my way to her breasts. "Yeah?" she panted. "Do you trust me?" I asked. I lightly licked her nipple. My first nipple. Nice. I took it gently in my mouth and rolled my tongue around it. She apparently liked that and arched herself against my mouth with a gasp. "Oh yes." "Then just lie back and relax. Trust me, okay?" She nodded. I kept up my attentions to her breasts and nipples and then began kissing my way down her tummy. I was no stranger to pornography. Both the written and video kind, and I knew what I wanted to do; I'm pretty sure Kimmy was not going to mind. I kissed her belly button. Her breathing was coming quickly now, and I looked up her naked form to see her looking down at me with a mixture of greedy anticipation, curiosity, and not a little bit of nervousness. I slid down even further and kissed the spot between her navel and the top of her pussy. I could smell her now, and it smelled like nothing else I'd ever breathed in. She was very aroused; there was a lot of musk, sweet, and a little sour. "Uhm, Jack?" her voice quavered a little. "Shh," I said softly and lowered my mouth down to her slit. I parted her gently with my tongue. She gasped very loudly. She was very wet inside, a slippery fluid that was not at all unpleasant. With my tongue I explored this new landscape. From my reading, I knew where to find her clit, the hard little nub at the top of her slit, and I teased it with the tip of my tongue. She gasped again and grabbed big handfuls of the comforter we were lying on. I took that as a good sign. I continued to run my tongue up and down the length of her slowly. Her wetness spread rapidly, and soon her whole pussy was wet and slippery. She was gasping pretty rapidly now and mixing in a lot of moaning. I flicked my tongue inside of her entrance and past the boundaries of her labia until I was slightly inside of her. "Oh my God!" she gasped. A few moments later, she was bucking against me, all shyness forgotten. "I'm coming; oh fuck you're making me come!" she gasped out, her eyes squeezed tight and her hands grasping at my shoulders. I let her ride it out until she settled down and then gently withdrew. I wiped my mouth off on the towel and then slid up next to her. We kissed again, and it was a much dreamier kiss on her part. She let me take the lead, and I gently teased her tongue with mine. She moaned sleepily and giggled, almost drunkenly. She had a huge smile. "That was - amazing. Oh my God!" she said, blushing furiously. I was too, but I didn't care. "Glad you enjoyed yourself," I said with more than a little hint of smug satisfaction in my voice. "Yeah, that doesn't even come close to describing it. I've gotten myself off before with my hand. That was a whole new level." "I know what you mean," I said and settled down next to her. She giggled again. And with that, we drifted off to sleep together. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 04 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** The next morning, we were woken up to a knock on the bedroom door. Kimmy was still wrapped up around me, fully naked. I was still in just the borrowed sweat pants. "Hello?" came Abby's voice from the other side of the door, perhaps the sound of a giggle too. "Uhm, one second!" I yelled through the door. Another giggle, "Okay, I brought you guys some clothes. I'm leaving them out here in the hall, okay?" "Uh, yeah, sure," I said through the door again. Kimmy was starting to stir as I gently extracted myself from her entangling limbs. "How's Anna?" I asked. "She's home. And fine. Was just way too much booze. They had to call her parents though," Abby said, still from the other side of the door. I winced. "Oh crap," Kimmy said sleepily rubbing her face. "No kidding," I agreed. "Walking away now," Abby said. She was definitely laughing. I blushed. I looked back, and Kimmy had pulled the sheet up to her chest; she was as bright red as I felt. "Oops," she said softly, "We kind of over-slept." "Yeah, I guess so," I replied. I waited a few more seconds and then opened up the door. Just outside on the floor was a couple of tee-shirts and folded up pairs of jeans. I recognized my own clothes on the top and the other pair as Kimmy's. Abby must have stopped by our houses. Shit. What the fuck had she told my parents? I pulled the clothes in and handed Kimmy hers. She accepted them without comment and headed into the bathroom to change. I was a little disappointed she covered herself with the sheet on the way in. But the light of day is different than the wee hours of the morning, so I guess she was a little more bashful than I thought. Which was good I supposed; I didn't really feel super comfortable dressing in front of her myself yet. I noticed Abby had brought me a clean pair of boxers too, which made me blush again, or rather, deeper. I got dressed quickly. I was just pulling my shirt over my head when Kimmy came out of the bathroom. She'd changed into the jeans and tank top (she wore a bra, I noticed) and she had her dress from last night draped over one arm. She smiled at me and walked over. On the way she lay her dress down on the end of the bed, and when she reached me, she slipped both of her arms around my neck. "So, uhm," she said softly, "Good morning..." and then she kissed me softly. "Good morning," I breathed in reply after the lengthy kiss. "So, are we okay still? Not weird?" she asked tentatively. I shook my head, "Not weird for me. You?" She bit her lip, considering, "A little, I mean I guess. You're my best guy friend, but I've been sort of thinking about what it would be like to go out with you for a little while now." "Really?" I was honestly a little surprised. I mean she'd mentioned something about it last night, but, that was last night. I was still reeling from a lot of things about last night. She nodded. "Yeah, I mean, you've gotten awfully cute this last year." Okay, dammit, enough with the blushing. She grinned, "I've always liked your eyes. I've never seen a guy with green eyes as light as yours; it's pretty sexy. And I like that you're tall. Taller than I am. Most guys aren't." I was pretty tall now- six foot even, maybe a little over now. She had to be at least five-ten, maybe eleven. We were very close. I didn't know what to make of the eyes thing though. I mean, being sexy was great, but, hell I dunno; I was grinning like an idiot and blushing what was probably a shade of purple. She ran her fingers through my hair; that was very nice. She continued, "And you're super nice. Most guys are kind of jerks, especially the cute ones. And smart, I'd totally fail school without you, but you aren't a dweeb about it. I dunno. You make me laugh more than anyone except maybe Abby. I just..." she shrugged, "I like you. I like you as a friend a lot, but I think maybe I want more now." The only response to that was to kiss her again, so I did. It was another long few moments before we spoke again. "I like you a lot too. Honestly, I'm looking forward to getting to know you even better," I said after we broke apart again. She smiled. "Now let's just hope everyone else is cool with us hooking up. I mean, none of us said specifically that we shouldn't date you, but sometimes I wasn't sure. Sometimes I think Beth is a little jealous of you." "Well, Beth had plenty of chances. I'm done with waiting for her to make up her mind. She wants to just be friends? I'm cool with that. Just friends," I said. Kimmy nodded. I sighed, "Well, shall we go down stairs and starting getting them used to the idea of us together?" She nodded, and pulled her arms back from around my neck. Her hand still slipped into mine though, and we walked downstairs. The place was trashed. Seriously trashed; it looked as though a hundred people had rioted. Or that they'd had a huge party. Red plastic cups were everywhere, on every surface. A lot of them were still full of warm, flat beer. There were spills all over the place and more than one case of vomit in the corner. I winced; this was going to take all week to clean up. Abby and Beth were downstairs in the kitchen. Both had showered and changed from the night before, and there was a bag of fast food sitting on the counter. "Morning sleepy heads," said Abby in a sing song taunt. "Yeah, yeah," I said. I was still holding on to Kimmy's hand as we walked up to the counter. "So, are you two a thing now?" Abby asked as she took a swig from a bottle of water. I glanced at Kimmy. I was going to let her say it; I wanted it to come from her not me. I was also just a tiny bit afraid she was going to deny it and brush it off, regardless of what we'd just said and done. Kimmy nodded, "Yup." "Cool," said Abby. And that was that I guess. I dug into the food bag and came out with a couple of breakfast sandwiches; I handed one of them to Kimmy, who thanked me and slid up onto a bar stool I avoided making eye contact with Beth; she was apparently doing the same with me, which made it easier. "So how is Anna?" I asked as I unwrapped my sandwich Abby sighed, "Okay I guess. We checked her into the ER. She was blowing well over the limit, so they had to call her parents. I also told the nurse what had happened, so I think they did a rape kit on her, to see if, you know..." she trailed off. I stopped chewing for a moment, only resuming when Abby shook her head no. "Everything was fine, he hadn't gotten that far yet, and there were no drugs in her system besides the booze. Thank God," Abby said. I nodded. She shrugged, "Anyway, they released her to her parents a couple of hours ago, so Beth and I went home, showered and changed, then I swung by your guy's houses to pick up clothes and stuff for you." I inwardly cringed but braced myself for impending parental wrath, "What did you tell my parents?" Abby smirked, "The truth." I blushed thinking immediately of Kimmy and what we'd done. That was silly of course, but hey, guilty conscious. She rolled her eyes and continued, "That we'd partied pretty hard, Anna had got herself nearly date raped, you saved her, but she blew chunks all over your clothes, and that you were staying at my parent's beach house for me until I got back. And that you guys were going to help me clean up. Your dad was pretty cool about it actually. You're supposed to call him when you wake up." Oh. Hey that didn't sound bad at all. You know, except for the cleaning part. "Well, thanks for that. I'll call him when I'm done eating," I said. Abby gave another smirk, "Well, I guess I did lie about one thing." I arched an eyebrow. Kimmy give a little snort. "There's no way I'm cleaning this place up. I called a house cleaning service; they should be here any minute," Abby said. Well, I guess that's yet another benefit of your parents being rich. Your own credit card. "Oh. Well. Awesome," I said with a little laugh. Kimmy giggled too, but Beth just rolled her eyes. Abby grinned, "Hey, actually it was my mom's idea. There's no way the five... well, four of us could clean this place back up again to her standards, so she told me to call this place she knows after the party." "Damn that was cool of her," I said, raising both my eyebrows. Abby just shrugged, but the other two girls agreed with me. "Now," she said, "Let's blow this Popsicle stand. We've got a day to blow while your parents think you're being my cleaning minions. I say, beach, shopping, and dinner out for the birthday kids." All of us cheered. That day was spent with me following the girls around shopping, which wasn't terribly unusual. Except this time, I got to do most of it holding hands with Kimmy (or holding her bags). We'd steal little kisses from each other when the other two weren't looking. She was very playful about it too. I mean, I'd always known she had a playful streak, but I'd never been on this end of her playful flirting before. It was, I gotta say, way more fun than the normal teasing-flirting-to-nowhere the girls usually did with me. For one thing I mean, Kimmy's sly promises and teases actually meant something now, which made me spend a good chunk of the day tingling with anticipation. But for another, I actually got to flirt back. It's not that I'd never flirted with them before, but I'd always kept it on the lighter side of caution. Never daring to overstep my boundaries and offend one of them. But now, I got to unleash the full power of my wit and, not inconsiderable if I may humbly say, charm, on Kimmy. I had her blushing more than once, which was its own reward; but the kisses afterward were an even better sort. We stole kisses and touches whenever we could. By the end of the shopping trip, I'd even gotten over my self-consciousness about initiating those touches; slipping my arm around her waist, or playing with the back of her neck while we were sitting down waiting for something. I was on top of the world. Also, Beth finally relaxed, at least, on the surface. After the first hour of awkwardness, she seemed to get over it and be back to her normal bubbly self. I did notice that she flirted with me far less than she had before, at least directly; after a while her flirts became suggestions for Kimmy, who then put them into action. We went out for dinner that night, and Abby and Kimmy made the waiters sing happy birthday to Beth and I. It was like things were back to normal, which took a huge weight off my shoulders. Except I had a girlfriend. If it wouldn't have been so unmanly, I'd have been squealing from the rooftops. But I was squealing internally. In a manly sort of way obviously. Anna, unsurprisingly, was on restriction for the rest of summer, which wasn't much longer at least. Worse though, she'd been barred from going out for the cheer squad again, which was devastating to not just her, but Beth and Kimmy as well. Kimmy and I spent the rest of the summer joined at the lips. I spent every day with her, and as many evenings as I could get away with. We never got as far as we did that first night, but we came awfully close a few times. By the time school started two weeks later I was intimately familiar with the feel of her breasts in my hands, and the taste of her nipples in my mouth. She got her hands inside my boxers a few times, but never quite got me off again. I didn't care, it felt too good to just be with her to complain. We did more than just make out though, we talked a lot as well. Kimmy had always been kind of an 'add-on' to the group to me I guess. Certainly a part of it, but my attentions had almost always been focused on Beth if she was around, or split evenly between the other three if she wasn't. Plus Kimmy wasn't nearly as talkative around her friends, she generally just went with the flow and was content to let other people take the lead. Once it was just the two of us though, it was like I was discovering this whole other person. She was very funny. Not necessarily in a razor sharp wit kind of way, but just in general silliness. She wasn't afraid to make funny faces, or silly noises, or ridiculous voices to aid in joke telling. She often had me in stitches from just generally being a goofball; she really enjoyed making me laugh. Every time she'd get me going, she'd give me this bright beaming smile like she was super pleased with herself. She was also surprisingly insightful. I guess being the non-talker of a group of five gave you a lot of time to watch people and figure stuff out by reading in between the lines. She was also bluntly honest when asked direct questions, so I learned a lot more about the other girls than maybe I thought I wanted to know. Either way, it was illuminating talking to her. Mostly though, she was just fun to be around, even without the physical stuff (which was great fun too, and we did a lot of it, but it was more than that.) We cuddled a lot and watched movies. I'd become a huge movie buff over the last few years, and had expanded my interests from the geekdom cult classics I'd been a fan of when I met Beth, to a much wider range of genres. From some of the more modern contemporary stuff, to some pretty esoteric indie flicks. I fell in love with dialogue really. Good banter could give me chills. This had a side benefit of improving my own witty banter skills as I learned what worked by watching it on screen. Sometimes I'd have to explain the more out there stuff too her, but she never blanched at even the most esoteric art film or the old classic film noirs I'd want to watch. Though I think she got bored pretty quick with foreign films, because that's usually when the necking would start. Sometimes, I have to admit, that was deliberate on my part. School started, and we continued to be a couple. I was nervous at first, I'm ashamed to admit. Summer flings are one thing, but back in the social hierarchy of school is a different story. The wee hours of the morning verses the light of day I suppose. But Kimmy didn't even flinch. I was her boyfriend, and she was proud of it. Boyfriend. It takes on a different perspective from thinking about it that way. It's one thing to say, "I have a girlfriend!" Hell, that's a milestone, like running a marathon. You did it, you got the girlfriend achievement, congratulations. It's really pretty one sided. But being someone's boyfriend - that's a different story. That has responsibilities. You have to be there for her. You have to not just take pleasure in her company, you want her to take some in yours. I dunno, I think I was lucky to have figured this out this early on, I guess a lot of guys never do. Maybe it's because I was smart, maybe it's because I'd been friends with four girls who went through boyfriends like water, so I got to hear the aftermath of the whys and why nots. Maybe it's just because I was stupid lucky. I'm going with that. I was a pretty good boyfriend I think. I went out of my way to brighten her day when she was down - which wasn't often, or encourage her when she got frustrated - which was all the time with school work. In fact, I'd gone to tutoring Kimmy in all of her classes. She was struggling pretty badly if the truth was to be told. I myself was starting to have issues of my own. Between generally spending time with Kimmy, both helping her with her classes, and being lip locked with her, my own studies were starting to suffer for it. By the middle of the term, I was in serious danger of slipping to a B in my calculus course. Oh no! You gasp in mocking derision, a B! That was huge. I was still in the 4.0 club, a perfect GPA for my high school career, which meant I was in the running for Valedictorian, a prestigious award that I'd be able to put on a college application and scholarship forms. It was a big deal. Besides, I'd been working on it for three years now. I didn't want to lose it in my last year. Previously, I'd been fortunate to be smart enough that any slippage of studies was made up for by my excellent test taking skills, and ability to cram a final project home in the last 72 hours. That didn't happen often, but it had happened. I was also generally pretty good at getting homework done before I'd even left school. Now, my free time at school was filled up with Kimmy, so homework started having to come home. Which was fine, until I started helping Kimmy out with all of hers, and mine got pushed until I got home late that night, and I had to finish mine in the wee hours of the morning, missing out on sleep. To stop the hemorrhaging of lost time, I'd started just bringing my homework over to Kimmy's and while she worked on hers, I worked on mine. This helped some, but my courses this term were much harder than previously. I was in advanced placement for nearly every class; chemistry, calculus, advanced lit, and world history. My only 'free' period, I was a TA for my advanced lit teacher during her basic senior English course, and Kimmy was in that class. I got some work done there, but I spent most of it grading the papers and tests of students who probably should not have been in a senior English class, even the most basic one. Luckily, thanks to my help the previous two years, Kimmy wasn't one of those, but only just. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 04 Near the end of the first term, just a couple of weeks out from finals, I was over at Kimmy's house late on a Friday evening. Her parents and long since gotten used to my coming and going, and frankly, they loved me. After three months, I was actually the longest boyfriend she'd ever had. I was polite, I was a good student, I treated Kimmy well, and I was helping her with her school work. Thanks to me, Kimmy was probably going to make a high C average for the first time in her life, maybe even score a few B's. I'm going to pause again a second. It may seem like I was down on Kim for only being a C+/B student, a C- student really, before I started helping her out, but I wasn't. I was damn proud of her in fact. She wasn't dumb, but her reading level wasn't quite up to par, and she'd get confused if the teacher would go too fast, then she'd get lost when they moved on without her, and be too embarrassed to ask them to repeat anything. When this goes on for eleven years of school, you just sort of accept that you are stupid I guess, and give up until you're just putting out the minimum effort to get by. That was Kimmy. She kept her grades up just high enough to stay on the cheerleading squad, and then didn't care about anything else. This year, she was really trying. Maybe because she thought it was important to me, maybe because it was an excuse to spend more time together, maybe because she really did want too. I dunno. Maybe all of them. I was really proud of her. I didn't think less of her at all because she wasn't a perfect student like me. That's just another kind of elitism, the kind Beth and Anna, Abby and Kimmy had helped me overcome socially. Now I was helping Kimmy academically. Anyway, back to where we were. I was over late on a Friday near the end of the term, helping Kimmy study for finals. It had to have been after midnight, and her parents had been in bed for a few hours. Like I said, they loved me and trusted me. Most parents did. My brain was somewhere between trying to understand my own material that I was studying for chemistry, and helping her with her upcoming history exam. At the moment, we were both reading quietly, but we had notes spread out all over her room. She was laying on her stomach on her bed, feet kicking up in the air. I was sitting on her floor with my back up against her wall with my book between my legs and my notes fanned out around me, I had a page in each hand, and I was trying to complete chemical bonds with mental pictures. I missed whatever she said first, as my brain was not in the room with my girlfriend, but trying to hold equations in my head. "Jack," she said, in the tone that said I'd missed the first thing. "Hmm." I replied without looking up. "My brain is mush," she flopped her head forward over the edge of the bed until her hair flopped even farther forward onto the floor. I chuckled. I looked up and she was oozing her way off the bed. She was going to land in a heap on my carpet of notes. "Uh, Kimmy, baby..." I said as she oozed forward with increasing speed. "Muuush," she whined and slid off the bed in a slow motion somersault that ended up with her laying face up and spread eagle over all my notes. I was torn between laughter and exasperation, I'd spent the last hour organizing those. "You fell off the bed." I said with wry amusement. "Mush," she said again, her lips pursed in that oh-so-sexy pout I loved. I sighed. Break time I guess. "Had enough?" She nodded. "Fine," I said with a sigh and closed my Chem book. She rolled over on her side, crinkling my notes beneath her and propped herself up on her elbow. I let my head fall back against the wall with a dull thunk. She picked up a page of my notes and looked at my scribbled notes for equations regarding the forming of chemical bonds between high energy protons. "How can you understand this stuff?" she said, turning the page upside down and giving it a mock frown. I smirked, "Who says I do? Why do you think I'm studying?" I chuckled a little. She smirked and turned her eyes back to the paper. She put it down and picked up a different one, then said, "Well, you understand enough of it to figure out the stuff you don't." "Well that's true I guess." I was a little brain dead myself, so a witty reply was not in the cards. She pulled herself up to her hands and knees. She carefully crawled over to me, avoiding further paper crumpling. I could see directly down her top, which was always worth the look. She didn't have a sexy expression or anything, just an amused smile, maybe even a little smug. She pulled herself up between my legs and kissed me. Just a soft brush of the lips, but she had a way of making even that simple touch feel charged with electricity "How can one guy be so damn smart?" she said softly after she pulled back. I opened my eyes and looked at her bright blue eyes. She blinked her long lashes slightly as she looked back down at my lips, then went back in for another kiss. This time our mouths opened and our tongues played their now familiar game of gentle tag. We'd gotten pretty good at this dance since our first one. We kissed for several long minutes before she pulled back again. God I loved kissing her. The whole world would fall away and it would just be the slow motion of our lips and tongues. She loved kissing, I think that was her favorite thing we did together. She'd mentioned several times that she loved kissing me because unlike other guys, I'd "let her do some of the kissing" rather than her just being on the receiving end of their slobbering. I may have taught Kimmy math and grammar, but she sure as hell taught me the best of everything I know about kissing. We broke apart after a few minutes and she straightened up and scooted up all the way between my legs. I put ran my hands up her bare thighs and cupped her perfect ass. She was wearing just a thin pair of cotton shorts and they did nothing to disguise the equally thin pair of panties she had on underneath. Her lips were far out of my reach now, as she'd straightened up and was now running her fingers through my hair with a thoughtful expression. She looked down at me as if considering something. "What is it?" I asked, feeling a tiny bit self-conscious. "I was just thinking," she said as she played with the ends of my hair. "I thought you said your brain was mush." "Only when it comes to thinking about school work," she said with a cute little smirk. "Oh-ho," I said with a knowing chuckle. She leaned down again and brushed her lips against mine, her hair fell around us like a tent. "I'm always able to think about you," she said after the kiss. That made me blush, luckily it was pretty dark in the hair tent. "So what were you thinking about?" I asked. She straightened up again and considered me once more. After a moment she said, "Remember on our first date how I said you've gotten pretty cute?" "Yeah." "I changed my mind I think," she ran a finger along the outer lobe of my ear. Chills ran up my spine. Damn that felt good. "Oh yeah?" I said, my voice softer than I intended. She nodded. "I think you're pretty damn sexy." Okay, full blush now. She grinned, "I like it when you blush." More blood to the face and I looked away. She pulled my face back up with a finger under my chin. Her other hand brushed my bangs out of my eyes, and she said, "I'm serious though. I guess I didn't realize how much smart turned me on until I got to watch you in action." I laughed a little (still blushing like a fiend though). "In action?" I asked. She nodded, "I was always sort of in awe of the way you could make me understand stuff, even after teachers had given up trying, and I thought that made you pretty smart. But now I watch you do your own work, all this stuff," she reached down and picked up one of my pages of notes, "This stuff isn't even in language I recognize, I mean, it kinda looks like math, but it's like, weird symbols and letters and numbers with funny lines, and you just look at it and make other numbers out of it. And I just know you're right, because you're that damn smart." Okay, I was seriously blushing now. I'd never heard of intelligence turning a girl on before. Muscles, sure. Athleticism, obviously. Good looks, charm, wit, even humor. But 'smarts'? No way. Not in a girl that looked like Kimmy. "Yeah, Jack, it makes you fucking sexy as hell," she said, maybe even reading my thoughts, "Because I know that even as cute, funny, and nice as you are, that's not even the best thing about you. Its this." she gentle tapped my forehead. She leaned down again and kissed me. It was a turned on kiss, she was seriously turned on. After making out with someone for a few months, you learn the signals. Holy shit batman. She was turned on. "God, and you don't even know how great you are, that's even hotter," she breathed against me. I gulped. Fuck me, I was actually getting emotional. My whole life, I've known I was smart. I mean, you figure this shit out pretty quick actually; one of the benefits of being smart. Teachers tell your parents at conferences, you begin to notice you figure things out way easier than your peers, and pretty soon, it dawns on you that you are, "Smart." At first this is pretty awesome. Figuring stuff out is kind of a rush really. That moment of comprehension when everything clicks, and that happens a lot when you're smart. So you start finding more stuff to figure out, and wonderfully, this makes you even smarter as you learn more stuff. But then other people - your peers - start figuring out you're smart, and figuring out that you are smarter than them. Sometimes this is a good thing; you get attention as they ask you to help them figure things out. Sometimes - most times - they get annoyed when you figure things out before them, because it makes them feel lesser. When you are very smart, you become an ape with a stick among so many chattering monkeys, and you begin to resent them back. Why the fuck can't they figure even the easiest things out? For fuck's sake, a monkey could get this people! You start treating your intellectual inferiors as just that, and elevating yourself above them, and suddenly they aren't your peers anymore. And now you're the kid getting thrown in a dumpster full of rotten cottage cheese. So after a decade of the roller coaster of the high that comes with the joy of discovery and learning, and the anger and resentment that forms between you and your former peers, to be told by a girl that you really, honestly care about, and is so far your intellectual inferior that you're helping teach a class she's barely passing, that the sexiest thing about you is the source of all of the above. Well fuck, my friend, you'd get emotional too. I looked away before she could see the first tear fall. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, suddenly concerned. She lifted my face back up, her blue eyes full of worry. I sniffled. In what I hoped, was a manly kind of sniffle, which is probably an impossibility. "Nothing, come here." I pulled her down and kissed her pretty hard. This wasn't me letting her kiss me, or slow sensual exploration. This was me kissing her. Trying to block out a sudden flood of years of torment and confusion, of resentment and rejection. Of feeling alone in a crowded hallway. She kissed me back, surprised, but just as hard. I wanted to make the world go away with our kissing again. I wanted to lose myself in her lips, and her tongue, and her breath. I wanted to lose myself in her. We broke apart long enough to pant a few times, then we were both helping her pull her top off. Her small naked breasts sprang free and I covered them with my hands. Her nipples were hard against my hands and fingers. We kissed again, breathing hard into each other. She wrapped her arms tight around me and I moved to hug tight around her waist. For a few moments we just clung to each other. She opened my mouth with hers and our tongues danced feverishly. She moaned against my lips and I tried to pull her even closer. I was overwhelmed with desire for her. Her tall but slender body, her tiny breasts and her long blond hair, I wanted to pull her inside of me. She pulled far enough apart to tug at the bottom of my shirt, and we broke kissing once again, long enough to pull it off, then we mashed our bodies together again. For the first time in three months, our naked flesh pressed together, and it was even sexier this time. She was warm and dry; smooth and soft. Her mouth sought mine out again and we frantically kissed. Her hands alternated between pulling on the back of my head or running up and down my chest. Mine wandered just the same, clinging with one to the back of her head, afraid to let her pull away; the other cupping her breasts or clenching her naked waist. We fell forward onto the floor, crushing my notes, though I didn't notice. I was a little busy. We pulled and pawed each other. This was so far beyond our curious explorations, this was need; this was passion. We let it consume us. I'm not sure when her shorts came off, or when my pants had come down, but I noticed when I felt her hand on my rock hard cock and she guided me between her legs. Reality began to crash against the waves of my desire and need, and I realized what was about to happen. I could feel her wetness against the tip of me and her fingers fumbling to help me find her entrance. Distantly I was aware that she was on the pill, and that she was a virgin, but I still panicked. "Are you sure?" I managed to whisper hoarsely against her. She nodded vigorously, "Yes, oh God yes!" she panted, and her fingers pushed me forward. I slipped into her. Warmth and wetness engulfed me. Nothing else existed. I was only dimly aware that she'd gasped out in shock herself, or that her wet mouth was sucking against mine as we both attempted to keep her moans quiet. Nothing else mattered. Warmth and wetness were my whole world. My existence was buried in her. Again and again. It was unbelievable I tried to hold on, to slow down and make it good for her, but she was just as eager as I was. I'm pretty sure that she managed to come with me, but I'm not positive. I didn't think to ask. She didn't seem disappointed when it was over. We lay there for a while, sweating, breathing, and just - being. I rolled off her and we lay next to each other and feathered each other's bodies with light touches. "Thank you," she said softly after a while. She was petting my hair gently, running it through her fingers in the way she liked to do. Of all the things she could have said, I was not expecting that. "What for?" I asked softly. "For being my first. For making it amazing," she said. Her eyes locked on to mine and held my gaze. "My first time too," I said. "That made it even better. I was afraid it was going to be like Anna's. Drunk, not able to even remember the guy or anything about it. Or stupid awkward and embarrassing, so it wouldn't be any fun." I swallowed, I hadn't known that about Anna. "I'm glad it was with you. You're amazing, Kim." She smiled and lightly kissed me. "I didn't want to wait until I was married or anything, but I wanted the first time to be special. I'm glad it was with someone I really care about. Someone I'll want to remember." I could only nod. Kimmy, for all of her academic struggles could be the Zen fucking master of wisdom sometimes. This was one of those moments. We lay there for a while longer, and then the crumpled papers began to get uncomfortable. "We're crushing your notes." she said apologetically. I laughed, "So worth it." She bit her lip and smiled. We sat up and began pulling crumpled and ripped chemistry notes off each other with chuckles and giggles. I passed that chemistry final with an A, barely; and only I think because my instructor liked me a lot. I got more credit on the essay question than maybe I should have. Kimmy passed her history exam with a B- and was elated, she'd come running out of her class room and leapt into my arms with a whooping cheer. We spent most of winter break figuring out that once the first time is out of the way, the second, third, and fourth times can be more fun oriented, and less emotionally intense. The fifth, sixth and seventh times can start to be about our normal exploratory relationship, and by the time the second term began, we were old hats at fucking each other blind every chance we got. She was an amazing lover, willing and eager for anything I dared to suggest, with quite a few ideas of her own. I couldn't have asked for a better first partner. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 05 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** Let me back up a second. It's the first term of my freshman year. I've finally got the route to my classes down. I'm still a dear in the headlights when I see a cute girl, especially one of the more developed upperclassmen seniors or something. I'm still a nerd who's never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl, or even attempted to speak with one since hitting puberty. Before I met Beth. I didn't ride the bus home from school. I rode it too school, but not home. I didn't live very far really, only about two miles. It was a pain to walk in the morning, but walking home was fine. Besides, Todd Smith rode my bus. Our freshman year, Todd was not the giant around school that he was by the time we were seniors. He was tall, sure, a head taller than me in fact, and a year older. I think he'd gotten held back third grade. But he wasn't on the basketball team yet, he wasn't on the wrestling team yet, he wasn't dating Beth Jenkins yet; though he was going to be doing all of these things later this year. It just hadn't happened yet. What he was though, was a bully. We'd been going to the same schools since 4th grade, when he'd moved into my neighborhood. His first week of school he'd made friends with John Nelson, the other bully of our elementary school, and the two of them tormented me all the way through middle school. It took the two of them less than two weeks before one of them was holding my arms back and the other would punch me in the stomach as hard as he could. I guess because that was funny or something. The summer between 8th and 9th grade, John Nelson had gotten shipped off to juvie (so I'd heard) and Todd was left as sole commander of the posse of jerks and malcontents they'd co-led up until that point. This was sort of good, because John had been the real bruiser of the two, but it was also pretty bad because Todd had been the brains, such as they had. By the start of our freshman year, Todd was a head taller than any other guy in our class. He had started working out too, so he was also about twenty pounds of muscle up on most of us as well. Let's see: tall, good looking, athletic, and a jerk to pretty much everyone. Except cute girls, where he had just enough charm and charisma to disarm them. Yeah, pretty much my anathema. Todd and I lived just a few blocks from each other. Far enough away we had different bus stops, but not so far away that he was entirely avoidable. In the mornings when I'd get on the bus, he was already on it, but he and his friend's generally sat in the back, so I could avoid that encounter by sitting up near the front or middle. Usually my best friend, Tommy, would save me a seat, so that wasn't an issue most of the time. After school though, my sixth period class was about as far as you could get from the buses and still be on the same campus, so I had to run to make the buses after the bell rang. As a result, the seats were almost always full. Tommy's mom picked him up for piano lessons after school three days a week, so he couldn't save me a seat. So obviously, that meant sitting in front of Todd and his cronies was inevitable roughly 100% of the time. After a couple of weeks of spit balls, gum in my hair, wet-willies, getting poked, taunted, and otherwise tormented beyond what was reasonable for any rational human being to bear; I'd started walking home after school. It was only two miles or so and it wasn't a bad walk really. Hell half the time I could get there just before the bus did anyway, because of the route it took. Also, walking took me right past one of my favorite places in the world: Elliot's Coins and Collectables. Elliot was a fifty-seven year old super geek. He was the sole owner and proprietor of Coin's and Collectables. C&C was really more of the 'Collectables' side of things than 'Coins'. The coins part was just there for the yellow pages and people looking to off load grandpa's buffalo nickels. His real trade was baseball cards and comic books. It was comic book nirvana really. He had thousands - tens of thousands maybe. Back issues going back to the 1940's of every title you could imagine. He had all the new stuff too; Marvel, DC, and a half dozen Indies. Image comics wasn't up and running yet, but he carried them too once they were. He had it all, including Heavy Metal magazine, which was my personal favorite. If you aren't familiar, Heavy Metal was (is) a science fiction mag that had graphic violence, dark fantasy, and erotica. Impossibly proportioned men and woman spilled each other's blood across its pages in every state of undress. There was nudity - lots of nudity - both men and women; and more violence than a slasher movie. But there were good stories too, and some of the best artists in the business. It was most certainly an NC-17 publication, but I loved it, and Elliot would sell it to me anyway. Elliot was a nerd's nerd. He knew all the facts, all the artists and writers, all the characters of every imprint. I was in awe of him really. C&C was a home away from home, and I spent many afternoons there hanging out, reading back issues, chatting with Elliot, his one employee and the other patrons, buying sodas from the small mini fridge he kept to sell to kids like me. I bought tons of stuff from C&C, but moreover, it was a refuge from the social ecology of school. In school I was just a smart kid who was a little short, way too skinny, and painfully shy. At C&C I was one of the guys. A fellow geek, one of the people who knew the secret code and handshake. (Excelsior!) Heavy Metal released only every other month, so I was always fiending for the next issue. The first of November, I hurried after school to get to C&C's to pick up the new release. Elliot had it waiting for me on the counter. See, the system we had worked out, since he wasn't supposed to sell it to minors, was that he would leave a copy of it on the counter. You'd put your four bucks on the counter next to it and then walk off with your copy. If the cops ever asked, he'd say you stole it and that you'd must have lost the four bucks in his store. Now, he probably could have legitimately gotten away with selling it until someone complained, but this way, it was like a secret agent thing. Underhanded and conspiratorial; something only those in the know got away with. It was awesome. I snaked my copy, casually dropping up four crumpled up bills on the counter while his back was turned to get me a coke, and slipped it into my open back pack. He must have waited to hear my zipper, because he gave me a full ten seconds before turning back around. "Here you go Jack," he said in his ever amused gruff old man voice. "Thanks Elliot," I said with a knowing smirk. I paid him the fifty cents for the soda. My four bucks for the magazine got swept off the counter as well and dropped in the cash box. "New Spider man in," He offered. "Nah, maybe next time, I'm already broke for the week," I grinned. He just smirked, and I was out the door. I didn't quite run home to read it, but it wouldn't have been out of the question to say I speed walked. I was in such a hurry that I cut back into the loading alley behind the supermarket and pizza parlor that was just a few blocks from my house. I normally avoided this way, because Todd and his thugs hung out at the pizza place a lot. It had cheap arcade games, and they'd steal cigarettes and porno mags from the grocery store. It was a risk to cut back there, but I figured I was safe, after all they were still on the bus right? Murphy's Law said there was about a 100% chance that I was going to run into Todd. I was almost through the alley when a familiar voice called out, "Hey, it's Ass-clown." Sigh. I turned to look. Todd and two other guys were stepping out from around the side of the pizza place. They'd probably gotten off a few stops early. Shit. I turned back around and kept walking. I tried not to break into a run. They were like wild dogs, they could smell fear. I must have been like a bouquet of fresh, warm meat to them. Laughter and a couple of more taunts were flung in my direction. Nothing I'd never heard before, but that didn't make it suck less. Footsteps slapped against the pavement behind me as they hurried to catch up. I started picking up the pace. "Hey Jack, seriously man, wait up." I knew better, I really did, it was a trick. I knew it was a trick. But, like an ass-clown, I turned around to look and wait. Maybe if I demonstrated I responded to my actual name, they'd learn to show some respect. Billy Miller and Keith Haverton lunged forward and each grabbed an arm. Maybe I was just an idiot. Todd walked up to me in a lazy fashion, cocky expression on his face; he was fully in command of the situation and everyone here knew it. "Where you running to buddy?" he said and put a hand on my shoulder. "Just walking home, can I go please?" I tried to sound defiant, but there was an undertone of pleading there. "First I think you little reminder of stuff. When I call your name, you stop and wait for me, understand?" he said, squeezing my shoulder, hard. "I did," I said defensively. "No, you didn't, you see, your name is 'Ass-clown'" he poked my chest with his middle finger. The two holding my arms sniggered like hyenas "No it isn't. It's Jack," I said, trying to keep my chin up. That's what you were supposed to do right? Keep your chin up. "Maybe that's what Mommy and Daddy call you, but out here, between you and me, it's Ass-Clown," he said getting his face right in mine. His breath smelled like stale onions. Sometimes, a man has to make a stand. Hold his head up and refuse to budge on his principals. "No it isn't, it's Jack." I said again. He delivered a hard jab to my stomach. Stars exploded in my eyes and all my air whooshed out of my lungs in a sudden gasp. His friends laughed again. Because I guess it's funny when it's not you. "Ass-clown. Your name, is Ass-clown." He hit me again. I coughed, trying to catch my breath. "Say your name, Ass-Clown," He demanded. Sometimes a man just has to make it home in one piece. "Ass... Ass-clown..." I gasped, tears from both pain and humiliation burned in my eyes. "Good Ass-Clown, the whole thing, 'My name is...'" He demanded once again in a mocking voice that personified everything I despised about adolescence I sniffled, my eyes burned, I didn't want to say it. Thug one and thug two started to twist my arms back painfully. "Ahh! Ow! Ass-clown, my name is Ass-clown!" I cried out. "See, was that so bad?" Todd asked in a mockery of sympathetic intonations. "Let's see if Ass-clown has any cash, I'm hungry," grunted one of the thugs, Billy, I think. Todd nodded and Keith let go of my arm to rip my back pack off my shoulders. Billy re-gripped my now free arm as I tried to flail it around to fight them. It was a pretty useless gesture. Keith opened my bag up and dumped the contents on the ground. Out spilled my notebooks, my school books, a couple of Amazing Spider-mans... And Heavy Metal. The cover was a scantily clad, gray skinned, well-muscled elven woman, with a giant black panther. Her tits were barely covered by the tiniest triangles of cloth, and she had strip of cloth that couldn't have been charitably called a loin cloth by even Mother Teresa. Keith picked up the magazine and stared at it. My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Heavy Metal had some great stories in it, but for a fifteen year old nerd, it was also porn in comic form, and I used it as such a lot of the time. "What's this, Clowny?" Todd asked in a tone of curious delight. He took the magazine from Keith and started leafing through it. Page after page of gore and nudity flipped by, and he got a big shit eating grin on his face. "I think Ass-clown likes cartoon porn," he laughed, "Do you watch porno's little Ass-clown?" "Shut up, and let me go!" I struggled against Billy, but I might as well have tried to free myself from a steel bear trap. "Be nice Clowny, or I'll have to straighten you out again," said Todd. He flipped to the center of the book, where there was a full color picture of a similarly scantily clad girl surrounded by these werewolf goblin things, Heavy Metal didn't shy from the horrific and dark, so you could see the male members of some of the monsters. Things didn't look good for the heroine. Things looked even worse for me though. "Does your Mommy know you read this smut Clowny?" Todd taunted. I shook my head. Billy, who'd been craning his neck to see, laughed out loud, "You can totally see their dicks. I bet Ass-clown likes looking at dicks." "Is that true, do you like dick, Ass-clown?" "No!" I shouted. Nerd humiliation was bad enough without being thought of as even less of a man for being gay. "Well, I'd better keep this so Mommy doesn't find out what a naughty boy she has," He folded the magazine up and stuffed it in his back pocket. "Yeah, he's a dirty boy alright," laughed Keith. "We'd better put him with the rest of the garbage," said Todd. They laughed and started to drag me to the Pizza parlor's dumpster a few yards away. Now I really started struggling. The Pizza place also did a lot of Italian food, and had lots of nasty rotting tomatoes and stuff in their dumpster. Being tossed in a school dumpster was one thing. It was mostly soda cans, wrappers and paper trash. The back of a restaurant was another matter. I shouted in defiance and tried to get away. But it was futile, like most struggles in nature. The weak and the young are separated from the herd, and the hyenas circle in and feed. I was going down like a gazelle that's been caught by the pack. I bleated for the herd, but no one came. Keith flipped the lid open and I could smell the most disgusting aroma of rotting dairy products mingling with the odor of meat gone bad, stale beer and wine, and a dozen other dumpster smells that were probably even more foul that I didn't have names for. "No! No! Help!" I shouted in vain. "In you go Ass-clown!" said Todd and heaved my legs up and over, so I ended up somersaulting into the pit of refuse. I screamed. A word of advice. If you ever find yourself getting dumpster tossed. Don't scream. Keep your mouth shut. I landed on a bag of something squishy and foul beyond words, and rolled off it, face first into a container of rotten cottage cheese, getting more than a little in my mouth. My gag reflex was instant. I puked. And because the container was still in my face, my own puke over flowed the funky cheese and ran down over the side, past my cheeks and onto my clothes. I heaved again. I could hear them making disgusted sounds and laughing themselves to the point of tears. I struggled to free myself, and ended up further entangling myself in black plastic trash bags. Fully in panic mode I thrashed and succeeded only in ripping open the bags and pouring more foulness over myself. I struggled to pull myself up and out, and with a herculean effort, I ripped myself free from the maw of the dumpster and fell, ass-over-tea-kettle, onto the concrete below; which itself was a cesspool of split wretchedness. I scrambled away and heaved again, the taste of vomit and rotted cheese curds still on my tongue. To this day I still can't eat cottage cheese. They were running as fast as they could, I could still hear their laughter as they rounded the corner and disappeared out of the alley. Standing up I cried out at a sudden pain in my leg, I must have twisted my knee somewhere in the process, because stabbing agony rippled through my left knee every time I tried to take a step forward. It was too much, I started crying. Through tears, pain, humiliation, and rage; I gathered up my school books and notes, trying not to get cheese slop on them and limped my way slowly home. I have no tolerance for bullying as an adult. Not among children, not among adolescents. Not from adults. Twenty years later I'm a loud and vocal advocate for anti-bullying campaigns. The suffering we inflict upon our fellow human beings in the name of "Coming of Age trials" is vastly under estimated by those who've never felt the stabbing emotional anguish of being dropped in a dumpster and then having to limp another mile to get home. Bullying is not a rite of passage. It's socially accepted torture. Never tolerate it. After I saved Anna, I guess Todd and his goons figured I was no longer a target, I'd stood up to someone, picked a fight, and saved a girl from a horrible fate. Maybe it was just because I was dating Kimmy, and when a hot cheerleader identifies you as her boyfriend, you get indoctrinated into the upper echelons of society. Maybe it's because they'd finally started growing the fuck up. Probably not. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 05 In all fairness, Todd and I actually started getting along after incident with Anna. Not so much with his friends, but they treated me well enough. At the very least they stopped treating me like a peon. But Todd though, he was dating Beth again, and Beth was being sickeningly nice to me once more. So between Kimmy, pressure from Beth, and the fact I was generally accepted by the rest of the popular clique by then, he started actually talking to me. The funny part, is I actually started talking back. I guess at some point you have to forgive someone for being a stupid asshole, or you just can't move on; so I quietly forgave Todd, I guess. Besides, he was also treating Beth pretty well. They acted happy together at least. So by the time the first semester of our senior year was in the bag, Todd was the sixth member of our five person gang. He hung out with us, not as much as he did with his buddies I think, but enough that I stopped blanching at his presence and got used to having him around. Truth be told, I was kind of glad to have another guy around. He was a man's man too. Fully machismo and oozing testosterone, he was a surprisingly welcome balance to the presence of four girls and their auras of estrogen. He was crude a lot of the time, but crude in a guy way I kind of missed, without being actually offensive to the girls. (Though they often pretended to be, enough to hit him playfully in the shoulder at least.) I give this to the guy, he was Mr. Charisma. He had a way of getting under your skin and being likable even when he had previously been the anathema of your existence for seven years prior. Maybe I was growing up too. I won't pretend we were best friends or anything, but alright, I got used to the guy. And in getting used to him, I grew to kind of like him. He was the guy I was cheering for when we went to basketball games, or wrestling meets. Beth dragged us along. Besides, it was a senior school spirit thing. I was dating one of the cheerleaders, so school spirit was unavoidable. When a D in algebra threatened his academic eligibility for basketball, Beth suggested I tutor him; to my surprise - and his I think - I agreed. # I know a lot of kids who sort of slack off their senior year, especially the last term. I wasn't one of them. A full load of advanced placement classes, tutoring Kimmy full time, and Beth and Todd in a couple of classes, going to basketball games, hanging out with my friends, going to parties, and of course, having sex with Kimmy every moment we could steal alone; I was running ragged. By the end of February I was averaging probably four hours of sleep a night, sometimes less. I was in a constant state of exhaustion. If I stopped moving I started to doze off. It took a couple of lattes to get me through the school day, and a couple more No Doze to get through studying and tutoring. I once saw a saying posted on the wall of my college dorm; 'Grades, Social Life, and Sleep: Pick Two'. It's so true. Also, I was still in the running for Valedictorian. It was down to Tommy, Christina Wu - Tommy's girlfriend, and myself. Of the three of us, only Tommy and I were really in the running, because Christina had taken a couple of skate courses her sophomore year, and our principal weighed class difficulty in the case of ties. So assuming we all finished with a 4.0 GPA, Tommy and I had the better class load I hadn't really spoken to Tommy much in the last year. When I'd become friends with Beth and the gang, I'd let myself drift apart from Tommy and those guys, the Scholars and C&C crew. I hadn't even been in C&C for almost a year, and the last time had been to sell Elliot a bunch of my old Spider-mans. I forgot what I'd used the money for. A shirt and some pants that Beth had liked I think. They didn't fit me anymore. By some twist of fate, it was at the ticket sales table for Prom that I ran into Tommy again. Even though we were both in all advanced placement classes, we'd basically reverse ordered them, so the classes I took last semester, he was taking now, and vice versa. I still saw him around school in the halls and stuff, but we didn't even nod hello any more. I was in kind of a rush, like I always was really. I needed about twenty two hours a day to get everything done I wanted too, but was unable to make due on just two hours of sleep, so I had to rush everywhere to find the two extra hours I needed for sleep. So I ran up toward the end of lunch to get in the line for tickets and stumbled a bit into the person in front of me. It was Tommy. "Oh sorry... ah, Hey Tommy," I said as I recognized the person who I'd shouldered into. "Hey Jack," he said indifferently. I think it was the apathy in his tone that stung and brought out the guilt. He was wearing the same style of loose tee shirt and baggy jeans he'd been wearing when we were freshman. They fit him poorly and I could see burrito grease stains on the bottom hem of his shirt. He'd let his hair grow out and get shaggy, and he had a day's stubble on his cheeks and neck. After two and half years of hanging out with the image and fashion conscious crew I had been, I noticed this stuff. I couldn't help but notice. And judge, to my distaste, I judged. I myself was dressed pretty well, I had a fashionable button down shirt on, and some kakis, my hair was trimmed pretty short and well groomed in a stylish manner. I still didn't need to shave much, so I had no visible stubble, and I had about two inches of height on him, but he had probably fifty pounds on me. It wasn't muscle either. I caught myself thinking that he was still kind of a slob, and should take care of himself better. That he didn't look like valedictorian, he looked like underclassman slouch. Then I remembered that this was Tommy Johnston, his parents were not all that well off, and his dad was kind of a jerk about spending money on new stuff for his kids, and that he had three little brothers that were always getting into his stuff. But I still found myself wondering how he'd gotten a girlfriend. Christina Wu was not exactly super model material, but she was thin, and cute enough I guess. She was always immaculately dressed and was the picture of organization. Kind of a stereotype I guess, but she fit it well. I felt bad for judging him. I guess it showed on my face because he started to turn around again. I decided to try and talk to him. Hey, he'd been my best friend from 4th grade until our freshman year, the least I could do was hello. "So, uh, how's it going?" He shrugged, "Alright." "So, senior prom huh. Finally. Almost done with this Popsicle stand," I said, forcing some lightness in my tone. "Yeah, can't wait. I fucking hate this place," he said with a lot more venom in his voice than I remembered "So, uh, going with Christina right?" I offered, trying to change the subject. Every guy liked to have his girlfriend brought up right? He shook his head. "We broke up over the summer." Crap. "Sorry to hear that man." He shrugged again, "She dumped me for some other chink guy, Yinn." I frowned, that was awfully damn racist. I didn't remember that about him. "Yinn? Alex Yinn?" I asked. Alex was a nice guy. And he wasn't Chinese, he was Korean. I knew because he was on the baseball team, and Kimmy loved baseball, so she was friends with a lot of the players. I'd met and hung out with Alex a couple of times at parties. Like I said, nice guy. "Yeah." he said simply. "So, who are you going with?" "Ellen Sanders." I somehow managed not to make a face. Ellen was in band, and no one would accidentally call her pretty. She was about sixty pounds overweight, and had an acne problem. I won't repeat the names a lot of the people I hung out with had for her, but I'm ashamed to admit they crossed my mind. "Cool, she's nice." He frowned at me, like he was suspicious of my statement. He was probably right to be so, but I kept my face neutral. "You?" he asked after a second. I couldn't help but smile, "Kim Allison." Hey, I was proud of my girlfriend. He raised his eyebrows slightly. I could tell he was impressed, but he didn't want to admit it. That kind of pissed me off. Two and a half years ago he'd been high fiving me in the halls because I was going to tutor Beth Jenkins. Now I was going to senior prom with Kim Allison, the exceptionally hot cheerleader, easily one of the sexiest girls in school and all I got was raised eyebrows and naked jealousy. He was jealous. In a bitter way, not a mildly envious of your friend's good fortune way. Well fuck him, I'd earned my place where I was. It wasn't my fault if he couldn't be bothered to clean up and take care of himself long enough to get a decent girlfriend. Holy hell, had I just thought that? I was saved from further troubling thoughts by Todd coming up to me and interrupting He slid up next to me, cutting ahead of probably a dozen other people at this point. But no one said anything, because he was Todd Smith, captain of the wrestling team, starting point guard for the basketball team that was taking us to finals. "Hey dude," he grinned at me. "'Sup." I replied. I was used to Todd. Heck, we were almost friends really. "Think if I gave you the money you could pick up tickets for Beth and me? I gotta run," he asked. He was actually asking. Not demanding; not asking in a way that said he was going to dumpster me if I said no. I had his respect. "You haven't gotten them yet?" I smirked, "You told Beth today at lunch you'd picked them up yesterday when she asked." He chuckled, "Welllll what Beth doesn't know isn't going her hurt her, am I right bro?" I just shook my head and chuckled. It was typical of him really. I'd gotten to know him well enough to know that he hadn't lied to Beth out of maliciousness, he was just terrible about remembering to do things, and he'd been put on the spot by his girlfriend. "Sure man," I said with a grin. I dunno why I did. Maybe it made it seem more like we were friends. Why was I acting like this? He pumped his fist down a little, "Yesss, you are a life saver bro. I gotta dash." He pulled out his wallet and passed over two twenties. Doubles tickets were thirty five bucks, a single was twenty. I took his money and put it in my wallet. He gave me his trademark bro fist slap, which I had down by now, and he dashed off. I looked up from putting my wallet back in my pocket and Tommy was staring at me like I was a total stranger. "What?" I asked. "You're friends with Todd Smith now?" he asked, more than a little bitterness in his voice. Tommy knew about the Dumpster incident. He was the only one besides me who did. Well, Todd and his friends knew of course, but I hadn't told anyone else. I shrugged, "He's dating Beth, I'm friends with Beth. We hang out sometimes. I'm tutoring him in Algebra too." I added, because, I don't know, I felt like I needed to justify my acceptance of Todd with something else. Maybe I wanted to demonstrate I had power over him, maybe I just wanted more social status. Todd Smith was an athletic god around campus. He was captain of the wrestling team, point guard for the basketball team that was about to go to state, and dating the hottest girl in the county. And I was his math tutor. I guess. Even twenty years later it sounds lame. But what can you do? Tommy looked at me in obvious disgust and turned back around to wait in line in silence. During the next ten minutes, three more people came up and said hi to me in line. Two girls, one of them a cheerleader, came up and gave me hello hugs; both asked if I was going with Kimmy. I said yes of course. I swear one of them looked disappointed. Matt Ethan, one of the basketball starters and probable prom king just gave me a bro fist slap on his way past the line. No one said anything to Tommy, or even acknowledged his presence. When they asked him for his money, I noticed he only gave them a twenty. All this because I answered the phone two and a half years ago. Maybe. I just don't know. Maybe I'd have become popular anyway. Maybe I'd have found a way out of the quagmire of nerdom and being beat down by bullies. Maybe I'd have broken free of the mold I'd been cast in all on my own. Maybe I'd have been just as alone and bitter as Tommy. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 06 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** The encounter with Tommy bothered me the rest of the afternoon, well into the evening really. I was thinking about the might-have-beens while driving Kimmy home for the evening. We'd been studying at my house, and it was a little after midnight. Class started at 7:15 am tomorrow, and I still had three chapters of physics to read before I went to bed. "You okay?" she asked at about the half-way point. "Hmm, just tired. Zoning out, sorry," I said. "Must be," she grinned, "You just drove past the turn off to our spot." 'Our spot' was a quiet back road we'd found that was pretty good for making out in the car. It was pretty standard for me to stop there for a while when dropping her off. "Sorry baby, I'm really tired, and I got a lot of work waiting for me still at home before I can go to bed," I said, which was mostly true. "It's fine. You've been running around like a maniac all year. I don't know how you keep up with everything," she said and her voice was soft and tender. Her private voice for me; the one she used when we were alone. It made me feel special. Maybe I was imagining it, but it made me feel good she had something that was for me only, even if it was just a particular tone of voice. Maybe that's what prompted me to speak up. Maybe I just needed someone to open up too. Pause again. I think we've already established that I was not very manly. I cried when upset, I squealed like a little kid, at least internally, when excited, and I thought about other people's feelings and stuff. With years of experience and hindsight of course I know that everyone does this stuff, even grown-ass men. But at eighteen, I still thought it was the 1940's. Men didn't cry, they didn't talk about their feelings, and they never confessed weakness unless they were outnumbered three to one and about to be dumpstered. But I was tired. Beyond tired really. Mentally and physically spent. Kimmy was more than just a friend now. More even than just a really close friend with benefits. More even than a passing infatuation. We'd been together for almost six months, and having sex for three of those. She was my lover. I loved her. I was pretty sure she loved me. Though we'd never said it out loud. I needed to talk to someone about Tommy. If I couldn't trust her, then I really did have no one. We were almost to her house, when I asked her. "Kim, do you think I'm a nerd?" She looked back over at me, surprise on her face, "What? No of course not." "But you used too right?" I pressed. "Well, freshman year, yeah, I guess," she shrugged, "But I haven't for a long time." I sighed, "When did you stop?" She bit her lip, not in a sexy way, in a thoughtful way. "I dunno, maybe a couple of months after you started hanging out with us," she said after a minute or so. "So, when I started going to parties and dressing differently," I said. She nodded, "Yeah probably. I mean at first, yeah I guess. I didn't know what to think. But once I got to know you, I liked you. You're funny, smart, and we know how I like smart." she grinned suggestively. I shook my head, "If that was all, then you'd be all over Tommy Johnston." "Who?" I swallowed. Guilt. I was stabbed by guilt. "Tommy Johnston, he's in our class, you had Junior World Events with him last year," I said. Everyone had to take the world events class, regardless of academic placement, there was no advanced version. She furrowed her brow and thought about it. "He's a couple inches shorter than me. Kind of shaggy brown hair, a little bit heavy set." "Oh - my God! Yes, I know him. Ew, no way!" she laughed and punched my arm lightly on the arm. It was a flirtatious punch. "Why not? He's funny, and just as smart, if not smarter than me," I continued. She shook her head, "No way! He's gross. He smells funny too, like he doesn't shower enough. He's totally a creep too. He was like, stalking Mindy last year. Like, spying on her at her house and stuff. Her dad had to call the police." I frowned, "I didn't know that." Mindy was another cheerleader. She was very cute, a little ditsy, but nice enough I suppose - when she wasn't being a stuck up bitch. It had taken her a while to warm up to me. But this year I was one of the in-crowd. She'd been one of the girls that had come up and hugged me in line today. She hadn't even looked at Tommy. Kimmy nodded, "Yeah it was a thing for a while. He gives me the creeps. The way he stares at people, like he's totally imagining you naked." "You have any idea how much time I spent imagining you naked before we got together?" I said, half amused, half frustrated She laughed, "That's different. I was showing off for you." I frowned. "You know we loved to tease you, right? It was all part of that. Plus after a while, when I started having a crush on you, I wanted you to be checking me out," she continued. I sighed. I got the difference. I really did. But it was still not helping me. "Anyway, no way. Gross. Even without the creepy staring thing. He's..." she started to say. "A Nerd?" I offered "Jack, what's this about? You aren't a nerd. You haven't been for a while now. You're different. You take care of yourself, you dress nice and act cool. You're relaxed and have tons of self-confidence." Wait, was she talking about me? Self-confidence? "I ran into Tommy today when I was getting our prom tickets," "So?" "He used to be my best friend. In elementary school and middle school, fourth grade to freshman year really," I said with a heavy sigh. That was hard to admit. Truth be told, after her reaction to him it felt like I was exposing a dirty little secret. "When I started hanging out with you guys we sort of drifted apart." "Thank God," she said. "Kimmy! That was way rude," I said, maybe a little harshly. "What? I'm serious, thank God. You're so much better than that, Jack. You're not a creepy stalker, you're not a chubby slob. You're cool, you're..." she grabbed my hand. I pulled it away. I was upset. Upset with her for being so judgmental. Upset with Tommy for being a creep and a racist. Upset with myself for sacrificing his friendship to become friends with Beth and the girls. "I am what I am, maybe that hasn't changed underneath," I said sullenly. She looked at me fiercely and said, "You're wrong. You're mine. I love you." Well, damn, now I really felt like shit. I knew I should respond to the last part. It was the first time either of us had said it out loud, but I was in no mindset to say it and mean it, so I kept quiet. "Kimmy," I sighed, "I'm sorry. I'm just upset and confused." She crawled over the seat and leaned to kiss me very softly, "And running yourself into the ground. Come in with me, Jack, okay? Don't drive off upset like this? Please?" I sighed, I had a ton of reading to do still. "Do you have anything due tomorrow morning that isn't done already?" she asked. I shook my head. "Then you can skip my tutoring tomorrow and do your reading then, come in with me now please, okay?" I sighed and turned off the car engine. She kissed me again quickly and then slid out of the passenger side and got out. I got out of the car myself. Technically, I wasn't supposed to stay after midnight on a school night, but it wouldn't be the first time Kimmy had snuck me into her room after curfew. We took off our shoes and crept through the dark house like cat burglars. She opened the door to her room and took my hand as she crept inside. She closed the door behind us and turned on her desk lamp. "Sit," she said quietly and pushed me down on the bed. I did. She straddled my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Baby, I'm honestly too tired to make out," I said, surprising myself by both my honesty and it being true. She just smiled and pressed her forehead against mine. We just sat there like that for a while. Then she gently kissed each of my eye lids. "Lie down," she said. I sighed with fatigue and did. She slid off my lap and lay next to me. I lay there for a while, struggling not to go to sleep. After a couple of minutes I think, I started to get up, but she held me down with her arm. "Kim, I have to drive home still," I said protesting. "No you don't, go to sleep. You're too tired to drive. I'd freak out worrying about you until I saw you at school tomorrow. Plus you'd just go home and do your homework and not sleep," she whispered into my ear. I flopped back on to her bed. "I can't sleep here, both of our parents will freak," I said. "You think my mom doesn't know we're sleeping together already?" she asked teasingly. I blushed, "You know what I mean." "Yeah I know, I can't stay in here with you. I'll go sleep on the couch. But I'll tell my mom the truth that you were really tired and I didn't want to let you drive home. She'll be fine with it." I sighed again. Frankly I was too tired to argue. She kissed me again and I lost all will to fighter her on the issue. She slid down and took my shoes off and pushed my feet up onto the bed, then got back in and cuddled up next to me. I put my arm around her and tried to relax. Tried to put Tommy out of my head, tried to push aside my guilt for slacking off on my reading; tried not to puzzle out what it was I was feeling. The problem was is I liked figuring things out, so giving up on a problem was not in my nature. Sleep won though, after probably a very short time. # For the first time, I woke up in a girl's bed, rather than my own. It was disorienting at first. It took me a good minute or two to remember where I was and what had happened. I was still completely dressed and laying in Kimmy's bed, she was not in her room, but the door was open. It was morning, I glanced at the clock, 6:30. Ugh. Class started in just forty five minutes. I swung my feet out of bed and pushed myself up and into a standing position. I wobbled a little. Making my way to the bathroom right outside her room, I could hear her family out in the living room going through their normal routines. When I came out, Kimmy was coming out of her room. She was changed, showered, and ready to go. Her hair was still damp from her shower. It looked sexy. "Morning sleepy, I was just coming to get you," she said, and gave me a quick peck. "Why'd you let me sleep so late?" I asked rubbing my hand through my bed hawk. Luckily my hair was pretty short, but I still got terrible bed head. Formed a mohawk that stuck straight up. Or would have if I'd had more than a couple of inches. She giggled, "I actually tried to wake you up a while ago, but you didn't notice. I guess a kiss doesn't always wake sleeping beauty," she grinned. I blushed. "I gotta get ready," I said. "Shower's right in there, you can use my brother's deodorant and stuff, he's off at boot camp still," she said. Her older brother was pretty cool, He'd joined the marines after dropping out of a couple of years of college. I nodded and yawned once more and turned around and went back in the bathroom. Taking a shower at your girlfriend's house, after spending the night in her bed, while her parents are just in the other room eating breakfast is a self-conscious experience. I didn't take very long. I had to use Kimmy's shampoo though, so I smelled a lot more flowery than I was used too. I put yesterday's clothes back on; they were pretty rumpled, but I didn't have a lot of choice. I fixed my hair and came back out. It was 6:44, we had to go, we were going to barely make it to class on time at this point. As I came out of the hallway into the living room, I almost ran into Kimmy's mom. It wasn't hard to figure out where Kimmy got her height from, her mother was probably an inch taller than me, and just as rail skinny as her daughter. She gave me a look that clearly disapproved of my presence. "Uh... Hi, Mrs. Allison," I stammered. "Good morning Jack, sleep okay?" With her tone I wasn't sure if she wanted me to have slept well or not. "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. It got later than I realized and ended up dropping Kimmy off much later than I intended, she sort of insisted that I stay," I said putting on my best 'perfect student' voice. The one that said, "I'm a valedictorian, I'm completely trustworthy and totally not having wild sex with your daughter every chance I get." She normally ate that voice up, and this time was no different. She humphed a little though, "Well it was pretty irresponsible of you to drive her home when you were that tired anyway, but Kimmy explained everything to me. I'd rather you stayed here than get in a wreck. You're always welcome here, Jack." "Thank you Mrs. Allison." I said with relief. She gave me another mom-frown and a little shake of her head. Kimmy came up behind her with her bag and purse, "Ready?" "Yeah let's go, we're going to almost be late as it is," I said. Her mother frowned again, "Don't speed and get a ticket or in a car wreck just to get to school on time, I'd rather you were both tardy." "Yes ma'am." I said and opened the door, "Thanks again for letting me stay over." She just humphed again, "Have a good day at school you two." "Thanks mom, bye daddy!" she called back into the house. I couldn't help but wonder if her 'daddy' knew his daughter screamed like a wild cat the last time I'd fucked her in her room while they'd been out to dinner. Oh God, I was going to hell. We were half way down the street when I started to relax again. She smirked at me, "My parents adore you, you know. My mom in particular loves you." "Yeah well, that's before I slept over at your house," I said with a little chuckle. She shook her head, "Nah, my mother knows that you and I are having sex. I told her." "Kimmy! Jesus, now I can never look your mom in the eye again," I said with a gush of embarrassment and fear. She just laughed, "I need her help getting my birth control pills, it's on her insurance. So I had to tell her. She just wants us to be careful." I wiped my brow, "Please tell me your father doesn't know." I gulped. Kimmy's father was a large man. Everyone in her family was tall. She giggled, "Well, I didn't tell him, but mom might have." "Fuck," I said softly, imagining my doom. "Oh relax, like I said, they love you. You're the perfect boyfriend. You call them Mister and Missus, you're a perfect student - the best student in our class in fact; you're responsible and you treat me right," she said. She was obviously enjoying this. "No pressure or anything," I said, but I did start to relax a little. Kimmy giggled at me again, "You're perfect the way you are. And I don't wanna hear any more of this nerd stuff okay? That's not who you are, not anymore," she said. I sighed, "I'll try. Can't promise anything, but I'll try." "Well, I've never seen you fail to do something you tried to do before, so that's just fine," she said with smug satisfaction. When had the shift happened from me putting Kimmy and the other girls on pedestals, to her putting me on one? I Am Jack's Life Ch. 07 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** Ever since I'd started dating Kimmy, Beth had changed her behavior toward me drastically. Before the birthday party, Beth and I had been best buds. We hung out all the time, watched movies together, studied together, and just generally spent as much time as possible in each other's company. Well, let me qualify that, I spent as much time with her as she would let me. By which I mean that I was always more eager for her company than she for mine. Sophomore year I basically hung on her every word. If she said jump, I asked if that had been high enough on the way down. Our junior year I'd relaxed a little and was much more "one of the gang" than Beth's pet. Still though, I was there mostly to be near Beth. The other three girls were nice, but I didn't mind if one of them was absent. If Beth wasn't around, then I felt a bit out of place. After the birthday party, when Kimmy and I got together, Beth started going through these weird swings. Some days, she'd behave suspiciously like she was jealous; other days she'd gush over how cute Kimmy and I were together and practically demand we kiss for her viewing pleasure. When Todd was around, she relaxed some, or at least hide it better. If it was just the five of us, or worse, just Beth, Kimmy, and myself; things got awkward quickly. One thing definitely changed though, once I started tutoring Kimmy full time, about a month after the term started, Beth and I stopped hanging out as just the two of us. Actually, maybe it wasn't that Beth's behavior changed about me, maybe it was that mine changed about her. Especially I think, after I started having sex with Kimmy. Beth's projected aura of gibbering stupid lost its power over me I think. I'd had sex - I was having sex; all the time. She became not an untouchable sex goddess, but just a very cute girl, one that I'd been friends with long enough to learn her tricks and charms. She trying to manipulate me, or I stopped falling for it. I lost my crush on her. I don't think she knew how to deal with that. Now, I'm not suggesting that Beth mercilessly manipulated me day in and day out like some kind of puppet master, that's not it at all. But she did know that she had power over me, and would sometimes use it to her advantage. At the time, I never minded. Hell I was even aware I was being manipulated most of the time. I accepted it as the price to be around her. Kimmy stopped all that. Either Beth lost her power over me, or she stopped using it out of respect for her friend. Maybe a little of both I suppose. Beth and I had a single class together our second semester of our senior year, Current Events. Like the junior class version, this was a class that everyone senior was required to take, and there was no AP version, so I was taking it at the same level as all of my friends. It was not the only class I had with one of my friends, I had AP Lit. with Anna, one of her two AP classes. I was the TA for my Lit. teacher again, Kimmy, and Todd were in that one (mostly thanks to my help the previous semester they had managed to make it into a regular class, rather than the basic one, I was very proud of that); and I was the tech adviser after school for the newspaper which Abby was a photographer for. But Beth and I, only Current Events. Truth be told, CE was a 'skate' class for me. Our instructor had also been my instructor for AP World History my junior year and he let me get away with anything short of setting the classroom on fire. As a result, I used the class as a study hall to catch up on work for my much harder classes. The particular class I was in was also loaded with half a dozen cheerleaders, basketball and baseball players, and a couple of other people in the larger circle of friends I was part of now. Most of them were not top students, not remedial by any means, they all managed to keep up their eligibility after all. But Mr. Jefferson never, shall we say, challenged the class? He practically gave away the answers to quizzes and tests the week before. So I'd keep half an ear out, get the notes from Beth, read the material, and 'skate' through the class. Mr. Jefferson never called on me because he could see I usually had my physics book out, or my calculus homework (which was the very next period), and things worked out. A couple of days before prom, Mr. Jefferson was going over the Tanya Harding case again, I suppose in a vain attempt to interest the athletes and cheerleaders in actual current events, but the class was having none of it. Mindy and Chelsea were discussing where they were going to get their hair and nails done for prom, a couple of basketball guys were going over the upcoming NBA playoffs wondering if the Knicks were going to sweep the series (they didn't, Houston took the title that year in game seven), and Beth was talking to me about our gang's plans for prom night and the after-party. I had about a quarter of my attention on her, a quarter on Mr. Jefferson's lecture (maybe less), but most of my attention was on finishing up differential equations before the end of the period. "What color is Kimmy's dress, do you know?" Beth asked. "Blue I think," I said, not looking up. "Oh, that'll be very pretty with her eyes," she practically cooed. I was trying to determine of the variables I was working in the current problem I was working on with were separable. "What shade of blue? I think Mindy is wearing blue too," she continued. "Light blue I think," I replied after a second. No, they weren't. Were we doing homogenous equations yet? I didn't think there were supposed to be any in this set. "So once, again, the question the prosecutors are asking, is 'Did Ms. Harding have prior knowledge of the attack?'" Mr. Jefferson was asking in the background. I'll just rewrite it as a linear equation, I can solve it that way. That'll be fine. "Because if it's powder blue I have this cute little hair clip I can give her to wear." "No way man, the Knicks are gonna sweep it. Four games against Seattle for the title, boom!" "Seriously Mindy, you should redo your highlights..." Determine U by integrating DU divided by DX plus Pu which should equal zero. "It's a really cute clip, it's got these really pretty little light blue semiprecious stones in it..." Use the value of U obtained to find V. "No Sarah, her husband didn't attack Miss Kerrigan, it's alleged that her husband and bodyguard hired a third man, Shane Stant. We already know that they did, the question is prior knowledge on the part of Ms. Harding..." "Seattle? Are you crazy man, no way, it'll be Houston and the Knicks..." Use the substitution Y=UY to find Y. "Jack are you listening? The clip? Is her dress powder blue or more of a turquoise?" "What's wrong with my highlights?" "Oh nothing, I'm just saying you should really make them stand out more that's all. For the pictures." "Jack?" Collect terms on the left side, then separate the variables... "Jack!" "What?!" I yelled at Beth. The whole class went silent. Beth's cheeks were rapidly turning red and she stared at her desk. I felt color rising to my own cheeks as well. Mr. Jefferson had turned around and was looking at me, "Problem, Jack?" "No, Mr. Jefferson, sorry. May I go to the library?" He looked at the table of notes and papers I had spread over my desk, then gave a little smirk and just pointed out the door. "Thanks," I mumbled. I swept up my stuff and was out the door. Once I was out in the hallway I stopped and let out a huge sigh of frustration. Jesus Christ, I was losing it. It was too much. Prom, Kimmy, Beth, school, no sleep - no time. I was fucking losing it. Now I understood why a lot of grad students did amphetamines just to get through their courses. I resumed walking to the library and checked in at the front desk. I got my work done just before the bell rang in the blessed silence. Lunch was after Calc, and I was putting my stuff in my locker when Beth came up and put her hand on my arm. I jumped. I think my brain was on Mars or something. Not because we'd been studying Mars, but because I bet Mars was pretty quiet and far away from all this whirlpool of responsibility. I was supposed to be tutoring Todd and Kimmy during lunch, but they would probably blow me off to talk about the upcoming prom and afters party. Then I had Physics, and I still hadn't finished the reading, then I had a guidance meeting to talk about scholarships, all of us with above a 3.7 were going, and the last thing I needed to do right now was waste time on another stupid lecture about filling out... "Jack?" Beth said gently. Yeah, I jumped. "Sorry," she said. "You seemed far away." Her voice was soft and concerned. "Yeah, sorry, just trying to get through the day," I said with a sigh. "Are those the same clothes you wore yesterday?" she asked. I looked down, "Uh, yeah, I spent the night at Kimmy's." I said. "Oh." she said, suddenly awkward. "Not like that. I just fell asleep over there, we were studying late and was too tired to drive home," I said. She shrugged, "Whatever. What you guys do in private isn't any of my business" No, it really isn't, I thought. But I said, "Like I said, it was just fatigue, not anything scandalous." I smirked a little She smirked back at least. "I'm just worried about you. You don't normally snap at me in front of a whole class..." I sighed, Jesus Christ, get over it. "Yeah, sorry about that I was just..." She put her fingers up, and said, "No, God, it was my fault. I'm sorry. You are swamped with super hard classes yet you still find time to help all of us. Plus prom and everything. You're overloaded. I should have just been letting you work." I blinked, Beth was apologizing to me? Was I on Mars after all? She smiled and bit her lip, she squeezed her notebook up to her chest and made her breasts swell up and out a little. I don't think she did it on purpose. "I, uh, it's no problem, don't worry about it..." I said, still in a little bit of shock. "You're pretty awesome, Jack, you know that?" she leaned up on her tip-toes and kissed my cheek. I could smell her perfume, feel her hair gently brush the side of my arm. I gulped. Yeah, okay, maybe I still had a thing for her after all. But dammit, I had a girlfriend! She had a boyfriend! Why the fuck could I think about nothing else but the possibility of turning my lips slightly and meeting hers. It was a lingering cheek kiss, warm and soft against my face, all I had to do was turn and... "Hey guys!" Kimmy said as she came up and hugged me hard from behind. "Ooff!" I said in mockery of the force she'd used. Kimmy liked to play roughhouse, so sometimes she used more force than necessary. Beth pulled away rapidly, but I could see she was flushed slightly. Wait, what? She was blushing from a cheek kiss? "Hey baby," I said and turned to kiss her. You know, my girlfriend, the one I was supposed to be thinking about kissing. It was just a quick peck. But Beth had turned her gaze away. She turned back and had a plastic smile on her face when we were done. And then the girls were off talking about dresses and hair clips as we walked to the lunch room. My mind was a whirlwind of confusion. Had Beth and I almost kissed? Had it been mutual? What was going on? Was I supposed to read both sections of Chapter Nineteen? # The guidance counselor thing had not been what I was expecting at all. I was expecting another boring lecture about filling out applications to colleges, or scholarships. But it hadn't been that. I walked out of the administration offices in kind of a daze. A couple of the people also coming out shook my hands and congratulated me, Tommy had brushed past me in a rush without even looking in my direction. I barely noticed him. I walked into the tech lab, where the newspaper class was held. There were about a dozen students there. Newspaper was an extra curriculum at my school, rather than a full class. It ran after school and was advised by a teacher, my Lit. teacher actually, which pretty much just meant I helped with computer issues and hardware stuff, but didn't really do a whole lot. It was another chance to catch up on homework. Abby was there though, she was one of the school photographers. She was a good one too. She had taken every photography class the school offered, even an advanced one through the local community college. She was also on the yearbook staff, took most of the pictures for the sports section of the paper, and had even won an award in the local paper for her coverage of the school's football games. When I stumbled my way into the tech lab and flopped in the nearest chair, she looked up from the layout design she was working on and gave me a little wave hello. Then she did a double take at me and got up and walked over, "Jack, what's wrong, you look like you swallowed a ghost." Abby loved mixing metaphors and clichés. I just handed her the letter I'd been given by the Principal and the guidance counselor. She frowned, opened it and started to read it aloud. A couple of the other students were looking over now. "Dear Mr. Jack Wallington, on behalf of the school board and staff of Neptune Heights High School, we would like to inform you that you've been chosen for the honor of being the VALEDICTORIAN for the class of 1994! Oh my God! Jack! That's fantastic!" She jumped and wrapped her arms around me. I half smiled, it wasn't real, four years of work; of wondering but never really daring to even think about it. It was over, I'd beaten out Tommy Johnston and Christina Wu. Mostly due, the principal had said, to the amount of time I also spent tutoring other students and taking part in school activities. Showing Leadership skills, he'd said. I was Valedictorian. The rest of the class was cheering. My teacher, Mrs. Enverton came over and shook my hand as well. She said the results had been posted in the staff room earlier today and she was very happy to see my name there. I numbly thanked her. She told me she was looking forward to hearing my speech at graduation. Holy shit, I had to give a speech. In front of the whole school. And their parents. And it would get printed in the paper. Holy fuck. # By the time Prom happened, it was all over school. All my friends had of course congratulated me, even Todd. I guess I wasn't captain of the wrestling team, or a point guard for the basketball team, but valedictorian was worth some status I guess. Kimmy had provided some very amazing private celebratory sex, which had been pretty intense. I ended up sleeping over at her house again. Her parents congratulated me in the morning. Her dad told me that the actor Kevin Spacey had been valedictorian of his class, and that I was in good company. I hadn't known that. Beth was of course Prom Queen, there hadn't been much doubt of that, and Matt Ethan was the Prom King. They looked pretty amazing dancing together for their royal dance. Kimmy wore a sleek satin powder blue dress that really made her blue eyes stand out against her fair blonde hair. Our prom picture looked pretty good. I didn't even look half bad in a tux. Honestly the whole thing was a blur. Not because of the high from the announcement of valedictorian, though that was certainly part of it, not from watching Kimmy float around like she was a princess on cloud nine, though she did. She said she was so proud of me, she thought she was going to burst. No, mostly I think it was the alcohol. Anna had declared that we were all going to cut loose and relax for one night. All the girls agreed, they ganged up on me and told me that tonight I wasn't going to be superman, that I was going to relax and take a night off to enjoy myself. Anna had made us do shots in the limo, just a couple each. I downed mine to the cheers of my friend's and their dates. I wasn't drunk during prom, but I was feeling pretty good, and had a bit of a buzz for most of the dance. The after party was a whole other ball game. Once again the party was at Abby's parent's beach house, and the place was packed. There was a full keg, and I had a few beers. I danced with all of the girls, Beth included. All of them danced right up close to me, Anna especially was all over me. It was a far cry from three years ago when they'd taught me to stand a couple of feet away and move in such a way so that I didn't embarrass them. They danced with me. Not at me. Anna kept the shots going all night. All six of us were pretty wasted. I remember taking a shot glass from between Anna's breasts with my lips and downing it to the cheers of a crowd of people, including Kimmy. Anna had danced with me later and she'd ground her ass up against my crotch like she was ready to jump me on the dance floor. I didn't mind a bit. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 07 At some point, there ended up being about seven of us upstairs playing spin the bottle with an empty fifth of vodka. I think we'd killed it on the way up the stairs. I was very drunk. Not so drunk I couldn't stand up straight, but drunk enough that everything was funny and I was talking very loud. But then again, so was everyone. Kimmy kept pulling my face over to drunkenly make out with me. Our kisses were very sloppy. I forget whose idea it had been. I forget the name of the other guy, I think it was Matt Ethan, but I'm not positive; I do know that it was Kimmy, Anna, Beth, Abby, Todd and myself. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Matt too. I have no idea where his date had ended up. Beth spun the bottle and it landed on Matt. She leaned over and they kissed. It was pretty quick, I mean after all, Todd was her boyfriend and he was sitting right next to her. A couple of us booed, I think Anna started it, then Kimmy and I joined in. "Weeak!" Anna jeered. Beth and Matt just blushed. Next, Abby span and it landed on Kimmy. There was a lot of laughter, and then they both crawled forward into the circle and pecked quickly. I laughed, it was more funny than hot. Everything was funny. Next went Todd and it landed on Kimmy again. He cheered a little, "Yay a girl!" We all laughed. He leaned over and they started kissing. Now, Kimmy was very drunk, worse than me I think, and we'd been making out hot and heavy all over the place all night. They kissed for a good ten seconds. He gently held the back of her head. She didn't complain. Anna took up the cheer, and it was quickly joined. I did too, but I felt a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach; Todd Smith was making out with my girlfriend right in front of me. They broke apart and there was a lot of laughter and cat calling. Kimmy blushed and glanced at me. I grinned sort of drunkenly at her and I guess she relaxed a little. She didn't know about the dumpster thing. I wonder if she'd have kept going if she had. Next was Anna, and it landed on me. She gave a great whooping cheer. I laughed, so did a lot of people. Kimmy too, I noticed. Anna leaned over and grabbed the back of my neck with both hands. She planted her lips on mine and we kissed. Hard. It was a sloppy wet drunken kiss. She opened up my lips and stuck her tongue deep in mouth, swirling it around. I could taste vodka and cherries. My head swam, and she breathed hard against me. She was wasted. But then again, so was I, so I kissed back as good as I got. After I dunno, probably no more than ten seconds, I kind of remembered it wasn't Kimmy I was kissing and I pulled away. I guess I caught Anna off guard and she tried to follow me, but she only teetered drunkenly and fell face first into my chest. She busted up laughing. It was pretty funny, so I did too, and then everyone was. I don't remember what Kimmy's reaction was, I think she was laughing so hard she had her eyes squeezed shut with tears though that might have been at something else. I do remember Beth's though. She wasn't laughing. She had kind of a strained smile stuck in place. I felt suddenly weird about this whole game. What the hell would happen if Beth and I had to kiss? I probably should have called the whole thing off there. Made up some excuse and gotten us all out of there. Maybe. I just don't know if it would have saved anything. A couple more rounds went by. I ended up kissing Kimmy the next time on her turn, which was a relief; we put on quite the show though, and that was fun. Anna cheered louder than anyone, but then I think she was drunker than anyone. On my turn the bottle landed on Matt and we both tried to wave off, but after much jeering and taunting we pecked each other quickly. Again, it was more funny than anything. I think Abby took a picture. She still has it I'm pretty sure. As the game went on, kisses between guys and girls got more involved as people relaxed, and more booze went to our heads. The best one though, was Anna and Abby. They really went at it, it was hot enough I admit, that I started to get aroused. Kimmy and Matt kissed, and for some reason I didn't mind half as much as when it had been Todd, even though it was a much longer kiss with a lot of open mouths. Maybe I was drunker, maybe I was more relaxed. Maybe it's just because it wasn't Todd. Somewhere, Anna had found another bottle of something and a rule got made up that you could refuse and take a shot instead, which saved me and Todd from kissing as we both reached for the shot glass at the same time and bumped heads. Everyone thought that was the funniest thing in the world. I guess it probably was. I think Anna had a trick, because we kissed twice more. The last time, I thought she was going to crawl into my lap and start undressing me. When the kiss was finally over, she was flushed and panting, and, I think, so was I. Kimmy had the giggles by then and I don't think she noticed. It was Beth that changed fate I think, or at least tried to turn the tide of the torrential storm of confusion that was headed our way. She suggested we play another game right before her turn. 'Truth or Dare' was quickly shouted down, but then she suggested, "How about, Never Have I Ever?" 'Never Have I Ever' was a pretty popular game at the parties we'd gone too. It was a little less direct than 'Truth or Dare', and usually involved a lot of drinking. Everyone quickly agreed and Matt and Todd went to get everyone beers. If you've never played 'Never Have I Ever', it's pretty simple. You take turns saying "Never have I ever..." followed by a statement, like, "kissed a guy" and if anyone has done the thing, then they have to take a drink. If no one drinks, then the person who said it has to drink a double, which cuts down on the stupid stuff. It's actually kind of fun, and you generally learn stuff about your friends they'd never admit to when sober. Todd ended up going first, because we'd spun the bottle to pick the starter. "Alright," he said, holding up his red plastic cup of beer, "Never have I ever... worn make up!" This was a pretty common one playing in mixed gender groups. The idea was that none of the guys have worn make-up, so it made all the girls drink. Which they did; but so did Matt, which made everyone point and laugh, which is kind of the other point of the game. "When?" demanded a couple of the girls. Matt shrugged, "I have older sisters, they used to make me up when we were kids," he said. It's generally up to the person admitting the thing to give details or not. Most people do, unless it's really embarrassing, but even then, usually peer pressure wins out. Beth went next, "Never have I ever... kissed a girl!" Everyone laughed then, because thanks to the game we'd just played, everyone had to drink except Beth. Matt made the girls drink again with "Never have I ever put a tampon in." There was a lot of groans and jeers from them, but they all drank. Us guys got to sit that one out. Abby made us guys drink with another common one, "Never have I ever shaved my face." Then it was my turn. "Uh, let's see," I said holding up my drink, I repeated one I'd heard used at a party earlier that year, "Never have I ever lied to someone in order to get sex from them." Todd laughed and then tipped his cup up, Beth gasped at him. But Anna drank too, so did Matt. Kimmy laughed and kissed me on the cheek when I was the only guy that didn't drink, "I love you!" she announced. That made everyone laugh. Kimmy, held up her cup and said, "Never have I ever shaved my balls!" Lots of laughter, but then no one drank and Kimmy swore, now she had to drink twice. Anna went with another party standard that made the guys drink, and Todd announced he needed a refill, and more cups were brought. Todd went again, "Never have I ever... masturbated thinking about someone here!" Everyone laughed and groaned. Anna said, "Oh God," and then drained her cup to everyone's roaring laughter. Shouts of 'Who, who!' chorused around, I noticed Kimmy and Beth had to drink as well. So did I for that matter, but Anna got all the attention for her reaction. Anna gestured at me, and I felt all the blood rushing to my face. Kimmy about lost it between laughter and mock anger, she threw her empty cup at Anna to rounds of more laughter, Anna only cried out, "Oh like you other girls haven't!" Kimmy laughed helplessly, "But he's my boyfriend, so it's okay!" she protested. Beth just blushed quietly. Oh yeah, I was purple. Todd gave me a high five congrats, and then said, "Oh yeah, I have to drink too!" and drained his cup the way Anna had, when he was finished, he tossed it over his shoulder and said, "All of you, but especially Jack!" We all lost it all over again. I sort of forget how the rest of the game went. All I know is that Kimmy and I ended up in one of the spare rooms pulling each others clothes off. We collapsed on the bed and drunkenly made out like blood sucking leeches, twisting all over each other and leaving trails of spit and slime everywhere. She was all over the place, missing my mouth more often than not. Pretty soon I had her totally naked and was between her legs and vigorously eating her out. She was just about to explode when the door opened. I looked up, Anna was shutting the door behind her. She was very unsteady on her feet and she giggled at us. I flushed with embarrassment and started stammering at her to leave. I'm not sure Kimmy had noticed Anna come in, she was pretty far gone. All Kimmy knew I guess, was that I had stopped what I was doing. "Jack, God, don't stop!" she said. Another cross roads of my life. This time, I was so drunk I missed the on-ramp and careened off the shoulder in flaming wreckage, because I turned around and kept getting my girlfriend off. Anna crawled onto the bed with us and started making out with Kimmy. The next thing I know, Kimmy was taking Anna's dress off. I watched the two naked girls make out from between Kimmy's legs, and before long Kimmy was whimpering and squealing with pleasure; my tongue thrashing against her clit, Anna's mouth around one of her small breasts and very hard pink nipples. Holy fuck, I was having a threesome. No where in my head was there a thought for the consequences of one of our best friends joining my girlfriend and I for drunken sex. I crawled up Kimmy's body and slid inside of her with no effort at all. She was wet enough that she offered not even token resistance to my rapid penetration. She gasped and clung to me. Anna tilted my head up and kissed me hotly on the mouth, I could taste Kimmy and vodka on her lips. I groaned in ecstasy; Kimmy just writhed under me and panted with pleasure. Guys, I know what you're probably saying. Maybe some of you are cheering me on; after all, having a threesome or even foursome with these girls had been a fantasy of mine since I'd met them, here it was, senior prom night and it was happening, a fairy tale ending, right? I loved Kimmy, she loved me; but more over, she trusted me. Completely. She was too drunk to make this decision, just like Anna had been too drunk to consent to that guy last year. Maybe I was too, but I should have said something. I should have stopped Anna, but I didn't. Kimmy trusted me. Yeah, I totally fucked that one up. Kimmy came pretty quickly, and after she did, Anna pulled me over to her, kissing and tugging. I obliged by crawling off of Kimmy and over to her. Kimmy followed us both and began showering Anna's face with kisses as Anna and I fumbled around. Within seconds Anna's hand guided me inside of her wetness, and I penetrated another of my friends, right in front of my girlfriend. She felt different, a lot different actually. That surprised me, though I'm not sure why it should have. But it was amazingly hot. Anna cried out with nothing that was even remotely like pain and arched against me. I felt like a fucking conquering hero in command of a harem. Kimmy stopped kissing Anna and started kissing me. We made out like drunken idiots while I fucked her friend. And friends, it was fucking, not lovemaking, not sex. We fucked. Hard and frantic. Anna thrust down against me, and I rammed her without any regard for anything else. Anna came loudly, thrashing her hands above her and grasping onto the sheets and Kimmy rammed her tongue down my throat as I thrust deep into Anna and let my own orgasm gush through me and spill out into Anna. The three of us collapsed in a heap. I pulled out of Anna and both girls followed me, rolling onto each side of me and the three of us kissed back and forth for a while. I think at one point Anna slid down and went down on Kimmy while she and I kissed passionately, the rest of the encounter is a blur of sex, kissing, and pleasure. I think I had sex with one of them again. I don't know which one. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 08 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** Anna and I had an odd relationship. That's right, I'm backing up again. Context is everything friends. In stories, in relationships; in life. Context is everything. Anna and I had an odd relationship. To start, we were the best students of the group. She was pretty damn smart actually, but she hated the homework part of school. She still managed great test scores because she was amazing at taking tests and last minute cramming. So she had the highest GPA of the group after mine. We'd taken a couple of AP classes together, and when the group had study sessions (which was fairly often as finals for each year crept up), she'd not only study with me, rather than me tutoring her, she'd help me with the others. Beyond that she wasn't that into school though. I'm pretty sure she made honor roll our sophomore and junior years though. Anna liked to party. I mean, that's pretty apparent at this point in the story, but when we were first getting going I was always kind of in awe of her. She managed to have this amazing social life, get invited to tons of parties, go to them (and bring us along too) and still make honor roll while being on cheer, soccer, and track. That first year, after Beth, she was the one I fantasized the most about. She was unbelievably sexy of course. I mean of course. All of them were, but she had this super athletic thing going that meant she was always tight and toned, with a great tan from spending so much time outdoors. Even as athletic as she was, she had amazing breasts. Not as amazing as Beth's from my perspective, but way bigger than Kimmy's, or even Abby's. She had to wear double sports bras and strap them down for sports. I was sixteen. You notice these things. Plus she talked about them a lot. I have learned that all woman obsesses about their breasts to a degree. Some more than others obviously, but I'm convinced it's every bit as important to their sexual identity as a man's penis is to his. Size matters to the owner, more than the beholder I guess. Anna obsessed about hers a lot. Sometimes she thought they were too big, and complained about her back aches and how they got in the way. Sometimes she thought they were just right, and would hold them up to see if I agreed - part of the teasing phase they'd all gone through with me. Sometimes she'd hide them under ace bandages and two sports bras, sometimes she'd put them on display in tiny little bikini tops that haunted my fevered hormonal brain. Whenever we'd go to the beach during the summer, she was always the one in the most daring suit with little triangles over just the naughty bits. Even during beach volleyball, which she and the other girls loved to play against each other, they'd be on display in tight, tiny tops. That was a spectator sport, let me assure you. She and Abby would dominate Kimmy and Beth most of the time. But I cheered for all of them. Of all of them, she was the one that had flirted the most with me before Kimmy and I got together. But it was always the most cruel too, the kind that would leave me wondering and panting in confusion from the mixed signals. She was Lucy to my Charlie Brown, always pulling the ball out at the last minute and leaving me laying in my bed feverishly jerking off thinking, "Oh good grief." She'd toned it down a little after Kimmy and I, but not a lot. In someways it got worse when Kimmy wasn't around, but I think I had a little more defense against it at that point, because I could throw Kimmy in the way of the conversation and Anna would take her ball away and back down. I don't think it ever even occurred to me that her flirtatious teasing might have gone anywhere at some point. Then she admitted she'd had masturbatory fantasies about me. Then she walked in on Kimmy and I and invited herself into our bed. Then she'd pulled me on top of her so I could fuck her. # Sunlight woke me. Warmth spread across my face and golden red light flooded through my closed eyes. I was coated in layer of almost dried sweat and slime. My head pounded with the worst hangover I'd ever experienced. I was nauseous, not just in my stomach, but from head to toe. Seriously, even my toes felt like they were going to be sick. I opened my eyes and was surrounded by naked girl. Kimmy was laying with her head nestled in my armpit, and there was a pretty large puddle of drool pooling under my bicep. She had her arm over my stomach. Her make up, so prettily done up for prom, was smeared everywhere, giving her a kind of strung out, rock star look. Anna, on the other hand, was still here. She was laying down with her head against one of my thighs like a pillow. I noticed with quite a lot of embarrassment that she was exhaling just inches from my cock, and I could feel her hot breath on my scrotum every couple of seconds. She was totally naked as well, and her large, ample breasts lay heavy and exposed in my direction. If I hadn't been so embarrassed, sick, and hung over, I probably would have taken more time to ogle them. I sat up as carefully as I could, I didn't want to wake either of them. I hissed as someone hit my head with a rubber mallet several times as I sat up. On the nightstand were three bottles of water, and a bottle of aspirin. Who had gotten those? I didn't have a lot of brain power to think about it at the moment though and carefully, oh so carefully extracted myself from feminine entanglements and rolled slowly to the edge of the bed. I grabbed one of the bottles and opened it up. I drained half of it on the first plug. I don't think I even swallowed any of it - it just sort of absorbed into my mouth. I carefully got a couple of aspirin out of the bottle, trying not to rattle it too loudly and took a couple of those with the next drink. Half the rest of the water was gone now. I slowly got up and started looking for my clothes. I suppose a gentleman might have woken up the girls - or at least his girlfriend, and figured things out before facing the rest of the world. But I just wanted out of there. I couldn't even process what had happened yet. Also, I had to pee very badly. I found my pants under Anna's dress. I retrieved my boxers from where Kimmy had thrown them off. I tried not to look at the thong I knew wasn't Kimmy's that was hanging from the bed post. I pulled on my boxers and my pants. I found my white undershirt near the door. I tugged it on and quietly exited the room. Oh God. I quietly made my way downstairs after the bathroom. Like the summer, the place was trashed. Like before, Abby was already awake and in the kitchen. Unlike last year, she wasn't cleaned up and showered, she looked as tore up as I felt. Her hair was a matted mess, her make up was smeared and running over her face. She was munching on some dry toast carefully. I filled up the water bottle from the sink and drank half of it again. "Morning," she said with a croak. I cleared my throat carefully. "Morning," I managed to croak out. "I think we drank too much," she said with total mastery of the obvious. I just nodded and took another long drink of water. "Some of us more than others," she said with a deliberate neutral tone. I probably would have blushed if I hadn't felt so much like curling in a ball and ending it all. "Yeah, for sure," was all I said. I finished the bottle of water and filled it up again. I turned around and leaned against the sink. She was looking at me oddly, but then picked up her second piece of toast gingerly. "So," I asked, trying to be casual, "hope it was worth it for you. Have a good time?" She made a face. "I ended up holding Beth's hair back until about two hours ago. I thought the girl was going to try and vomit up her toes." I winced. She shrugged, "Unlike some people, I know how to pace myself. I'm mostly just tired. I haven't slept yet." I winced again, though that might have been from the pounding and stomach cramp. "About an hour ago I went to check on people, Todd's still passed out under the pool table, Beth is asleep in my room, I think Matt called a cab or got a ride home around three am," she said. I drank another deep pull off my bottle. "I went looking for Anna... decided to just leave the water and aspirin," she said again. I sighed, well, there was no getting around it now, Abby knew. At least it had been Abby, and not Beth, that found us. "Hey, it's not my business. No judgment from me. I hope you guys had a good time," Abby said after my obvious sigh. I shrugged, "Yeah, me too." "Don't remember?" she asked. I shook my head a little. That wasn't true, I remembered most of it, just not the end. I drank more of my water. Abby finished her toast in silence. "You know Anna was really disappointed when you and Kimmy stayed together after your birthday party." What? I looked at her, "What, why for?" She shrugged, "I think the whole you breaking down a door and coming to her rescue impressed her. Plus, she's had a torch since the junior year shortly after we figured out that Beth was just stringing you along." I choked on the water I had been swallowing. Abby smirked, "Come on, we all knew it, we aren't stupid. You had a serious thing for Beth, like a Gone with the Wind, ready to sweep her off into the sunset serious thing. She knew and was just toying with you. Pissed all of us off really, especially Anna." I wiped water spittle off my face and didn't look at her. Why the fuck had she told me that? Abby shrugged, "Anna said you were too nice of guy to toy with like that, and by then you were getting taller and starting to get seriously cute. She had a thing, but didn't want to make things weird." I just shook my head. Roads not traveled. All those times with Lucy and her ball. I guess I really was an idiot. "Anyway, she doesn't want to break you and Kimmy up, she's said it a hundred times. But lately, she's had it pretty bad. Don't be to harsh with her, I think she just saw this as her last chance before you went off to MIT or something." I was whirling, I had no idea what to think. On one hand, wow, Anna had a thing for me. On the other, uh, wow, Anna had a thing for me? And what about Kimmy? I had no idea how things weren't going to be weird between Kimmy and I, but what about Anna? What about Anna and Kimmy? Oh, and what about the latest in a string of almost moments between Beth and that had happened just a few days ago before Prom? You know that movie, When Harry Met Sally? The one that says guys and girls can't be just friends because sex gets in the way? Yeah. My life times three. When I finally got the nerve to go back up and face the girls, so that I could wake Kimmy up and take her home, I found only Kimmy in the room. She was dressed again and looked miserable. I slid in the room and shut the door gently. "Hey baby," I said softly. She looked up and smiled wanly She looked a little green around the edges. "How are you feeling?" I asked her. She just gave me a look. "Right. Yeah, I'm about the same," I said. I sat down gently on the edge of the bed next to her. "Jack?" she didn't look at me as she spoke. "Yeah?" "Did we have sex with Anna last night?" Blunt. Wonderfully blunt, Kimmy. I cleared my throat, there was no point dancing around it. "Yeah," I said, with a heavy sigh. She nodded. After a minute and another couple of drinks from her water bottle, she said, "Take me home please." I nodded and helped her up. She stopped at the bathroom and washed her face and stuff. Abby wasn't down in the kitchen when we left. I guess she'd finally gone to bed. The drive home was terrible. The sun was bright, the car was loud, and the silence was deafening. When I pulled up in her driveway, I cleared my throat and started to speak. I'd been working out an apology speech the whole way, and I wanted to get it off my chest. "I just wanted to say..." I started. "Don't." Kimmy said firmly. Gulp. "This is all on her. You were just as drunk as I was. I don't blame you for this. She's been making plays for you all year, this is between me and her. She'd just better stay out of my way for a while," she said and got out of the car. Uhm? Okay? Wait, what? "I'll call you later tonight okay?" she said. "Okay," I replied, still stunned into stupid silence. She leaned in and kissed me. It wasn't a long kiss, or even very passionate. It was a new kind of kiss for us though. It was a territorial stamp. She went inside and I drove home wondering how the hell I was supposed to look at any of my friends the same after last night. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 09 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** The rest of the year, such as it was, was kind of a mess. I spent a lot of time with Kimmy, trying to reassure her that everything was fine and I had no interest in Anna, and keeping the two of them apart. The problem with that is it just wasn't true. I thought about Anna a lot. My mind kept playing What Ifs. What if she'd said something before my birthday party, what if I'd gone with her instead? What if Kimmy and I hadn't stuck together? What if. I had a lot of very confusing nights thinking about Anna when I should have been thinking about Kimmy, considering what the two of us were doing at the moment. For her part, Kimmy started getting very jealous of me openly. She got down right possessive in fact, I was starting to feel the strangle hold, but I did nothing to keep the noose off my neck. I also still had a very hard class load to keep up. Sure I was already valedictorian, but that didn't mean I wanted to let go of everything. I stopped tutoring the girls except for Kimmy really, and she wasn't all that interested in learning any more. Any time we were together she wanted to spend it having sex, or making out, or some other physical reassurance that I was in fact, with her. It was even weirder when Beth was added into the mixture. She was painfully nice, submissive almost, to my opinions and suggestions when the five of us were hanging out. I'd catch her looking at me when other people were talking, and then she'd look away awkwardly. It was like we'd completely reversed chairs from when I'd first met her. It left me feeling confused and guilty. She and Todd had broken up again. Strangely though he and I still talked and hung out. In a weird way he was my best guy friend. Life is fucked up. Beth was weird enough, but then there was Anna. She'd stopped flirting with me. So completely stopped that it was weird - tangibly noticeable in it's absence. It was like a big brick wall had been thrown up between us. She never made eye contact with me, never made any attempt to spend time alone with me, or even speak with me when one of the other girls wasn't around. It made things very weird between us. Only Abby seemed to be immune to all the drama, which made her my port in the storm. We hung out a lot together during my time in the newspaper tech lab. Even after that was out, I would hang out with her after school as a kind of drama-relief. I think she got why and never made a big deal about it. She was one girl I could still just be friends with at least. As the end of the year approached, senior fever started hitting everyone in a bad way. People stopped each other in the halls and hugged, or bro-hand slapped. Classes got increasingly hard to concentrate on. I barely made it through my studies for finals. I kept tutoring some other classmates, but I started getting awfully short tempered. I feel bad to admit a lot of the 'smart guy' elitism crept up on me that last couple of weeks; 'This is fucking simple! Why can't you understand this?'. When the yearbooks were released a week before graduation it started to all get real in an impending doom kind of way. The worst part was, I still hadn't written a speech for graduation yet. That hung over my head like an ax in a Poe story, swinging ever closer threatening to decapitate me. The strangest thing for me I think, was just how many people asked me to sign their yearbook. I couldn't walk down the hall without someone asking; girls that hadn't known I'd existed before I was a junior even though we'd gone to school together since second grade were asking me if I could, "please sign their yearbook real quick." In more than one of them, I was embarrassed to notice someone, maybe that girl, maybe another, had circled my picture with a heart or something. It was very surreal. Guys too, not the hearts or anything, but guys I'd tutored or knew from my exposure to parties and sports were asking me to sign their books. I wasn't processing any of it really, it only started to dawn on me about Wednesday that my own yearbook was full of ink. Every page had multiple things written on it. I remember passing it to a group of cheerleaders at lunch on Wednesday and they start claiming space in my book. The other thing that was overwhelming, was the amount of times my face appeared in the book. In previous yearbooks, my face appeared once, maybe twice outside of my class photo. Now, Abby was one of the yearbook photographers, and yearbooks in every class always end up with lots of pictures of the photographer's friends and social circles. That's who they are around when the candids happen - its just the law of averages and quantity. So my face was in the back ground of a few shots of Abby's other friend's doing random stuff, or a couple of crowd shots of basketball games where a bunch of us were cheering the team on. So I had a couple from that. Plus one of course in the Newspaper group photo as the tech adviser. But there were also at least three shots that were centered on me, besides my senior class photo and the valedictorian and salutatorian picture. Salutatorian was Christina Yu by the way, Tommy's encounter with the police had apparently disqualified him. Not to mention he ended up getting a B in physics, so his GPA dropped below hers. We looked great in the picture too, Abby flattered both of us. Of the three shots that weren't those, two of them were of me tutoring someone. In both of them, I look like I'm explaining something deeply profound and meaningful. They made me look way smarter than I felt most of the time. The last one was my favorite though. It was at a game, I think it was the basketball championships, but I'm hoisting Kimmy up by the waist and we're both facing out onto the court looking past the camera, she's got her cheer outfit on and her cheeks painted up. She's got both of her arms in the air with her pom poms in a blur of motion and her legs bent at the knees like she just jumped. We're both cheering like mad and look insanely happy. The bottom photo was captioned, "Class of 94's Cutest Couple." I hadn't made 'Most likely to succeed' which miffed me a little, (Christina had snagged that, so I guess it was well deserved), but I made cutest couple. It's a turvy topsy world sometimes. Kimmy had circled that picture in my yearbook with a huge heart and wrote all around it in her cute girl hand writing, "i love u" over and over in a border around the heart. The dot on each and every 'i' was a little heart too. It still makes me grin to look at it. Every girl who saw it when she signed my year book exclaimed with a big 'Aww! You guys are so cute!'. I blushed most of the time too. Thursday was a rough day. The seniors didn't have classes, so most of us ended up at the beach. Which meant it pretty much turned into the official-unofficial, senior-class beach party. I avoided the booze. So did everyone that had been at the prom party upstairs. It was fun though, the girls had an impromptu beach volleyball tourney, and for the first time I saw Anna and Kimmy getting along together again, which made me smile a whole lot. The guys of course played touch football. Todd asked me if I wanted to play, I declined, but I was grateful for the offer. I wasn't even the last person asked - not even in the bottom half. Almost the whole class had shown up, and there were bonfires late into the night. People kept coming up and saying hi to me, or telling Kimmy and I that they had totally voted for us and they hoped we stayed together. Kimmy liked that a lot. I did too I guess. I saw Christina Wu, and she and Alex were dancing where someone had backed their car up, using the radio and speakers like a dj station and dance floor. A bunch of people made the two of us have a 'Brain off', where people fired questions at us and we had to answer as fast as we could. Neither of us won, they ran out of questions. But it was a lot of fun to be able to show off in my own arena. I never saw Tommy. It was late, and I knew even though we didn't have school tomorrow, I had a speech I still had to write, so I was thinking about taking off - when Anna came up to me and asked if we could talk. I glanced over where Kimmy was dancing with Abby and Beth, some kind of crazy version of some music video they liked, and were trying to get the choreography down for. "Aren't you going to join them?" I asked She shook her head, "I want to talk to you. Besides Kimmy is happier when I'm not around. I don't want to be in the way." She sounded so wistful I almost grabbed her hand and pulled her over there to make the two of them make up. But I didn't, instead I just said, "Sure, lets go for a walk." I got up and dusted the sand off my butt and walked off with her. I glanced back to see if Kimmy had noticed. She hadn't. Probably for the best. We walked quite a ways down the beach. Far enough away the sound of the music faded against the sound of the surf coming in, and the lights of the bonfires became distant specs. "Hell of a ride, hasn't it been?" she asked after a while. "No kidding, I'm still just trying to process it all," I replied. She nodded. She'd put a skirt and loose shirt on over her bikini against the night chill, but I could still see the emerald green straps around her neck. Her hair was up and piled on the top of her head, and she kept her arms folded under her breasts. She really was very pretty. I can't help it. I notice these things. "I'm sorry Jack, about everything. About prom, about what happened," she finally blurted out. "Hey, water under the bridge, okay? It was a drunken, heat of the moment thing," I said. I really didn't want to bring all that up again. She shook her head, "No it wasn't, I knew exactly what I was doing. I might have been buzzed, but I was no where near as wasted as you and Kimmy. I took advantage of you guys. I feel horrible about it." I sighed, alright, I guess we were having this conversation after all. I have to admit, I had been curious about it every since Abby had confided Anna's feelings toward me. I thought a lot about it to be honest. "Why'd you do it then?" I asked, keeping my voice even. She sighed, "I wanted to be with you." she said simply. I didn't know what to say to that, so I kept quiet. She stopped walking away from the party, and I thought we were going to start walking back. But she stopped and stared out at the sea, still hugging herself tightly. I stood apart from her a little and glanced back the direction we'd come. The bonfires were very small. We'd walked at least a mile or more down the beach. "Ever think about how things could have been different Jack? Different choices you could have made?" She asked, looking up at me for the first time. I nodded, "Yeah, all the time actually." She bit her lip. How can such a simple gesture be totally sexy on every girl that does it? "I've been thinking about it a lot lately, since prom," she said. I kept quiet and let her continue. "I really wish I'd asked you out before Kimmy. When you asked before the party for volunteers, I almost raised my hand. I was really pissed at her actually. Just a week before that I'd confessed to her I had kind of a crush on you." I still kept quiet. This was no time to interrupt. "At the party, I thought it was no big deal, I was in fact really happy you had someone that was going to treat you like a date, and not her pet," she sounded bitter, and I knew she was talking about Beth. She went on, "But it was still hard though. I was jealous, so I started pouring the booze down so I'd stop being jealous of my friends. Oh don't even blame yourself, I knew the choices I was making, I got myself in that mess." she sighed. "And then, there I was in that room, I had no idea what was going on. Sometimes I thought I was with you, but I kept saying no, because I thought you were with Kimmy, but I was too drunk to stop him, too drunk to fight back. Then I think I passed out." I swallowed. I'd never heard this from her perspective. It was scary. "Then I heard you at the door, and I tried to wake up so I could call out to you for help. I was so scared. And then you just broke through the door, God, Jack..." she looked down, I could tell she was on the edge of tears. I kept quiet still. I was feeling pretty emotional myself. "God, I was so grateful. I just burst into tears when I saw that you where there, that you'd saved me. As wasted as I was, I pretty much fell for you right then. You were my hero." Dammit, I was going to lose it. I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat. She wasn't looking at me anymore, she was looking out over the sea and I could see moonlight glittering off wet streaks on her face. I wanted to hold her. Kiss her tears off her cheeks and protect her. I held my ground. "And then... and then you were with Kimmy, and you were so goddamn happy. Like, giddy, all the time. I couldn't take that away from you. She had nothing to do with it. I'd have taken you away from her in a second and stolen all that happiness of yours for myself, but I couldn't do that to you. I was too in love with you. I agonized over it for weeks." My brain was reeling. I felt myself eyes starting to burn. "When I found out the two of you were sleeping together - I was torn in two. I was jealous. I was so jealous. I suppose you've probably heard my first time wasn't all that great?" I nodded, unable to speak. "I wanted to go back and time and switch places with Kimmy, so I could be with you, and you could be my first, and I could be yours. I couldn't look at the two of you for a week." She was openly weeping now. I couldn't take it anymore, I reached her over and pulled her into a hug. She crumpled into my arms like tissue paper, burying her face in my chest. "So, when prom happened, and we were playing spin the bottle, and I got to kiss you for the first time, I completely lost it. I had to have you. My whole plan from that moment on was to get you and Kimmy drunk so that I could do what I did. I couldn't handle it anymore, I wanted - needed to be with you, at least once. I - I love you." I put my finger under her chin, I lifted her face up and kissed her. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. We kissed for a long time, wet, teary kisses, I think we were both crying, though her more than me. They were passionate, needful kisses. I was still with Kim, I loved her. But I felt something for Anna too. She was right here, and she needed me. I gave myself to her and for that moment, I was all hers, and she was mine. It was a really stupid thing to do it retrospect, but I probably wouldn't do it any differently a second time around. Anna broke off the kiss first. "I can't... I can't Jack, I'm sorry!" and hurried off into the night, further down the beach. I stood there and wondered what the hell to do next. After a while I sat down and just stared out at the surf. I sat there until dawn actually. It was actually really nice to be alone. I had a lot to sort through. When the sky started to get gray, and the sea turned to the shade of flagstone, I started thinking about the speech I still hadn't written. I toyed with ideas and openings. Mulled things over; pondering what the hell I could possibly say to over two hundred seniors, their parents, and the faculty of the school that could justify being chosen for the honor of speaking. I started thinking about choices, and roads not taken. As the sun came up behind me and started reflecting on the now calm ocean, I finally began to feel tired. I knew people were probably wondering where I was. I knew Kimmy was probably freaked out, especially if she realized I had wondered off with Anna and not come back. I walked back to where the party had been and I found a few people crashed out on the beach sleeping it off. There were a few couples that hadn't been couples the night before. I could only smile. Good for them. I got to my car and it had a note on the windshield, it had "From Kimmy" and a little heart on it. I pulled it out and unfolded it. "Abby and I went looking for you last night and saw you sitting alone. You looked like you wanted to figure some stuff out, so Abby said we should leave you be. Going to be busy today with my parents, I'll see you tomorrow at graduation, excited for your speech! Love, Kim" Her name was dotted with a heart like she always did. I smiled, grateful to Abby for getting it; and grateful they assumed I had just wandered off on my own. I folded the note up and put it in my pocket. Got in my car and drove home. I still have the note somewhere in a box of my old stuff. I think it's folded up in my senior yearbook. When I got home, I took a shower, sat down and began to stare at a blank piece of paper. For the rest of the day I could only stare at that empty white canvas as my brain wandered through whys and why nots, could have beens, and the unknowable impact the most casual choices have on our lives. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 09 Finally, after my parents had come in to offer me lunch, and after my mom had brought me dinner; after they had turned out the lights and gone to bed, I began to write. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 10 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** The graduation ceremony was in a large auditorium the school had rented out, it had a large seating area, probably about a thousand chairs had been set up for parents and grandparents, families and friends. When we'd done the rehearsals earlier that week, my stomach had flipped flopped when I saw all of those chairs. I had to speak in front of all of those people. The actual night of the commencement ceremony I was about three heartbeats away from total panic the whole time. We were all huddled in the holding area in our caps and gowns, chattering excitedly. I wouldn't be walking in with my classmates. I was coming out after they'd been seated, to speak before we got our diplomas. I was sweating. Kimmy kept a tight hold of my hand the whole time, and I think I would have lost it without her. When my classmates were directed to start to line up, my hands started to shake. The Vice-Principal came and got me and Christina and we were escorted to a separate wing where the staffers that were going to be up on stage were waiting. I didn't make eye contact with anyone. I was a wreck. Then the commencement march song started. Then, I was really a wreck. The principal began speaking and a hush fell over the crowd. I was going to be sick. Christina looked up at me, "You okay Jack?" she asked. I nodded, "Oh yeah, only have to speak in front of a thousand people without peeing my pants. No problem," I joked. My voice was shaking. She laughed, "Actually I think it's closer to twelve hundred, but yeah, I see your point." Great. No problem, only an additional two hundred. Why not? "Wanna trade?" I asked. She shook her head. "I'm already almost a puddle of goo just having to walk out there on stage. I think I'd melt completely if I had to speak." "Great pep talk Christie, thanks." I said. She giggled again. Then Principal Stevens said over the loud speaker, "This year's salutatorian, Christina Wu!" She gulped and I had to kind of push her out the door onto the stage. There was some cheering and polite clapping. She had a lot of friends, but not many people knew her very well. I started thinking about exactly the wrong stuff just then. I started thinking about how I was really just some nerd with a cute girlfriend, how I was Beth's hanger on and pet. I started thinking how I was going to go out there and my friends might clap for me, but otherwise there would be crickets and silence. God, maybe my friend's wouldn't even cheer, maybe they were too embarrassed to be associated with me. I was a freshman again, and Tommy Johnston was my best friend. No one knew us, and Todd Smith was going to throw my ass in a dumpster. "And the class of 1994's valedictorian, Jack Wallington!" The building erupted. A wall of noise rushed from the floor of the auditorium and onto the wing where I was standing and blew me away. I looked out and could see my entire class on their feet cheering like mad. I couldn't pick my friends out of the crowd, it was just a sea of our school colors and faces And then it hit me - I knew all of them, they were all my friends. Every damn one of them had written something in my yearbook. Not just 'have a great summer' - things that were personal.Thanks for tutoring me, I'd have never made it through Ms Enverton's English class without you. Thanks for being there for me when my Mom died, if you ever need anything, I'll be by your side. Hundreds of them. Two hundred and twenty really, minus a couple from people like Tommy who had something against me. I walked out on stage, and if possible, the cheering got even louder. I fought with every fiber of my being to not let my emotions overwhelm me. I didn't walk to the podium, I floated. I stood up as tall as I could and looked out over the sea of over twelve hundred people - and saw only my friends. I cleared my throat, and the cheering didn't die down. I grinned like a mad idiot. I started to talk, and the cheering started to die a little. Principal Stevens stood up and held up his hands. The crowd mostly died down. I started to talk again. "I guess most of you know me by now," I started. A girl in the back cried out, "We love you Jack!" and the crowd laughed. I don't know who it was, but thank you. You made me laugh too, which is the only reason I was able to get through the rest of it. "But this wasn't always the case," I continued. Everyone was mostly quiet now, and I could hear my voice carried on the loudspeakers over the whole auditorium. "Four years ago, I was a stranger in our halls. I'd gone to school with some of you before, but we were not friends. We knew names and faces, but we did not know each other. I was just another nerd in the hallways, and you were lost little freshmen yourselves. We moved from class to class and just tried to survive in a sea of bodies where everyone was at least two feet taller than us." I let that line die, and the added, "Unless you were Kim Allison." There was a lot of laughter, Kimmy had been tall even as a freshman. She was six feet as of yesterday. I saw her in the front row (Allison, A.) and she was bright pink, but her eyes were glowing. "Our stories are as varied and diverse as we are, but we made it to the end of the year; a little wiser, a little taller, and ready for the challenge of a new year." Alright, so this was starting to sound like every other commencement speech ever, but I had a point to all of this. I looked out over the crowd and found Beth, I caught her eye, she was smiling very brightly at me. "That first summer, I got a phone call from a girl - my very first in fact." Some laughter. Beth started to blush. "Beth Jenkins wanted me to tutor her over summer school, and friends, I said no." Some scattered chuckling. "I thought it was a trick, I thought it was a trap so that her boyfriend Todd Smith could find me and throw me in a dumpster," I paused, "Again." I smiled big at Todd, and to my pleasure, he blushed too, but he was laughing as the people around him gave him a hard time. "I said no to her, and hung up the phone. And let me tell you, if the next twenty seconds had gone any differently, I would not be standing here in front of you." The crowd was quiet, I had their attention at least. Beth was bright red. I looked down at the paper in front of me, and I started to read it. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both, and be one traveler; long I stood and looked down one as far as I could, to where it bent in the undergrowth," I quoted Frost. I paused a second and then continued with the rest of the poem, when I got to the last stanza I looked up, I didn't need the paper anymore. "I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." I paused to swallow around the lump in my throat. I looked up at Beth, and she beamed at me. Her face was radiant with pride and joy, her green eyes shown with delight. Yeah, I was still just as in love with her as I had been back then. I cleared my throat and continued "Friends, she called back and I picked up the phone. She apologized and insisted there had to be some mistake. That she really did just need my help, and would I please consider it." I paused again. This was harder than I thought. "I - I agreed, and that has made all the difference. I took a different road and it has led me here today." I continued on then, I told the story of that day on Beth's couch, where she kissed me and then told me we could be real friends now, and that she'd been right. I think I was blushing as bad as Beth, but the crowd loved it. Lots of laughter and 'Awws'. It was a good story. Then I filled up my time with more foibles of the adventures of the five of us, stopping now and then to highlight a moment as a choice or road not taken. I peppered in anecdotes of other classmates and teachers I'd met along the way, and differences they had made in my life, making me who I was today. Todd included. By the time I got to the end, I was barely holding back tears; and I could see all four of the girls were weeping openly, I think even Todd was choked up. "Finally, I just want to say this my friends, there is no way we can untangle the weave of quantum possibility each choice brings us. The unknowable impact of every decision and the echo of words not said. My advice is simply this. Take a chance. Pick up the phone. Call them back. Life is funny, and sometimes the simplest things are crossroads in disguise. You never know when having the courage to smile back at someone, or helping someone out with their homework will irrevocably change your life into a different direction. I love all of you," I made eye contact with Beth briefly, I couldn't help it. "Thank you, every one of you, for making my life better than it would have been without you." Once again the building erupted. This time it was even louder I think. Maybe I was just standing closer. I have tried in the years hence to figure out what it is I was feeling that night. I can't. There was just too much to process. I thought Kimmy was going to smother me when I got off stage. I didn't care that twelve hundred people were still cheering for me; for us. I was so overloaded with just simply - feeling - everything. One emotion ran into the next and cascaded in a torrential rush somewhere deep into my stomach. When Kimmy let me up for air I saw Anna, tears streaming down her face, her expression openly saying that she wanted to do what Kimmy had just done. I loved Kimmy, I loved Beth, Anna loved me. I had nothing. My brain refused to figure anything else out. It was done. I don't remember one single other thing from the rest of the night. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 11 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** By my nineteenth birthday, Anna and I were sleeping together. Yeah, Kimmy and I were still together - mostly. I guess. We weren't officially broken up or anything. It was complicated. Actually, twenty years later, it seems pretty simple. After graduation Kimmy had to get a job, since she wasn't going to college. So she got a job as a waitress at a local diner. Being the low girl on the totem pole, she ended up with some pretty crazy shifts. When I'd pick her up after work, she'd be tired, grumpy from rude customers and smell like stale coffee and grease. She'd generally be in no mood to come hang out with the rest of us or even just me. By the end of the first month of summer, we'd hardly seen each other at all. The other very big factor that strained our relationship, was my acceptance letter. In September, I was headed off to Stanford. At first when I'd gotten it we'd had a party for the five of us. Kimmy was super proud of me and I was still riding the high from commencement. By the end of that week though, she'd gotten moody, withdrawn, and depressed. I knew it was because I was leaving for a big fancy college and that she was staying to be a waitress, but there was nothing I could say. All of us were leaving Kimmy actually. Beth had been accepted to USC, which was only about two hours away, but it was still 'Away', Abby had also decided on UC Berkeley, and worst of all - Anna was also going to Stanford. I think it was the last part that bothered Kimmy the most. That Anna and I would both be going to the same school. Anna was actually going on an athletic scholarship for track; which was a huge, huge deal. Stanford woman's athletic programs had turned out more Olympic gold medalists than any other college in the United States. I've kind of glossed over it, but Anna was a champion cross country runner, she'd taken fifth place in state our senior year. When your state is California, that's a pretty big deal. Kimmy didn't take any of this well, so we started having fights. About little stuff. I don't even remember what most of it was about, but it made our time together uncomfortable, and I made less and less effort to make time for just the two of us. Anna on the other hand, was plenty available. About five weeks before mine and Beth's nineteenth birthday - which was another big planned party to send all of us off with a bang - Kimmy and I had a pretty intense fight. She said some hurtful words. I don't remember what they were, but it was on the way home from dropping her off at home from work. I just remember I left her in her drive way and drove away pissed. I had every intention of driving home, but some how, I ended up in front of Anna's house. It was late, probably about one in the morning; Kimmy had been working the late shift. I sat in my car parked across the street wondering what I was doing here. Anna's bedroom light was still on. I had every intention of just turning the car back on and driving away as soon as the song on the radio was over, but then the front door opened and she came walking out toward me. She was wearing an oversized jersey for the Lakers, and a pair of shorts and flip flops. I didn't really look at her as she walked up, until she knocked on the driver's side window. I rolled it down and looked over at her. She was smirking. "You going to come inside or sit out here all night thinking about it?" she asked. "I hadn't decided," I said flatly. "Let me help you," she said and leaned in and kissed me. Goddammit, it was a sexy kiss; full of promise and desire, full of passion and need. Kimmy and I hadn't kissed like that in weeks. We stopped kissing and I got out of the car in a daze. She took my hand and led me inside. We went into her room and she shut the door. We kissed again. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, she folded into me like the world was ending. We kissed - and it was fucking sexy. I was cheating on Kimmy. I didn't care. I wanted Anna so very badly, and I knew she wanted me just as much. I pulled her jersey off and she was naked underneath. Her breasts were full and heavy, so much larger than Kimmy's. I filled my hands with them and we fell onto her bed kissing. She giggled and shushed me through her giggles. I grinned back and shushed her giggles with my lips. My shirt came off next and we pressed our bodies together. Her breasts were large, soft, and warm against my skin. Giggling turned into passionate panting, and panting turned into quiet moaning. I pulled her shorts off with a couple of quick tugs, and she lifted her ass up off of the bed to help me. I kissed my way down, stopping to lick and suck on her nipples roughly as I did. She was trimmed much neater than Kimmy currently was, waxed for bikini season; and I dove in, pressing my tongue into her waiting crotch like a starving man. She gasped and covered her face with her pillow. I used every trick I'd learned from my time with Kimmy; swirling my tongue around her clit, teasing and taunting her. In moments, her whole body was flushed and she was panting hard and biting her lips to stay quiet. I really didn't want her to be quiet, but her parents were home, so I accepted it. She came in a rush, bucking and thrashing against my face. She was much more erratic in her movements than Kimmy. It took me by surprise. I had to hold on to her legs so she didn't throw me off. Then she started slowing down, I backed off and slid up her body, every intention of penetrating her and fucking her until dawn. She had other ideas. She sat up and kissed me hotly, she put both of her hands on my face and just held me, kissing me with increasing slowness and tenderness. I wasn't really in the mood for tender, so I started to push her back so I could climb on and get to business. "Not yet," she whispered softly. She pushed me around and she switched place with me, straddling me and leaning over me and continuing the soft tender kisses. I suppose she had waited for this longer than I had, so I relaxed and let her take the lead. When she felt me relax she sat up and gave me a sexy, secret smile, full of delight and hidden agenda. It's a good look for a sexy, naked blonde straddling you. She reached over to her nightstand and got a hair tie. She pulled her hair up into a pony tail, which caused her heavy breasts to sway above me with the movement. I watched in fascination, I couldn't stop comparing her body to Kimmy's. Kimmy was tall, but petite in frame and bust. Anna was about six inches shorter, but solidly muscled and toned, with large breasts and curvy hips. Anna finished with her hair and leaned down to kiss me again, there was a lot of tongue. She also kissed a lot differently than Kimmy. Her tongue was all over the inside of my mouth, trying to twist around mine. It wasn't what I was used too, but it was just as hot in it's own way. She breathed out in a slow moan as the kiss ended, she sat back up with a dreamy look on her face. "I know Kimmy hasn't done this for you yet, she told me she thought it was gross," She said, and sat up and tugged my pants down. I sprang free, fully hard and erect. I swallowed, a fair idea what was coming next. Anna looked at me sultry and dreamily, "I want to be your first something Jack, looks like I get to be your first blow job." Gulp. She moved off of me and knelt over to one side. She took my cock in her hands and lowered her face down to me. She stroked me a few times, and then lowered her tongue down and licked up along my shaft. Now it was my turn to start panting. I'd never asked Kimmy to do this. I knew she didn't like the idea and I didn't want to push her. I never minded going down on her, and she used her hands on me all the time. But this was a bridge we'd never crossed. I just wasn't going to ask her to do something she wasn't comfortable doing. Anna on the other hand, looked up at me like I was doing her a favor, and my cock disappeared into her mouth. Warmth and wetness, I felt her tongue move against me. This was similar to being inside a girl, but different enough that it was a new experience. I watched for a couple of strokes, and then she closed her eyes and started concentrating on pleasuring me by pulling me even deeper into her mouth and down her throat. My head fell back against her head board with a thud. It went on for quite a while. Maybe because it was a different sensation than I was used too, maybe because neither of us were trying very hard for me to get off, but I wasn't really that close when she pulled off of me and slid back up to kiss me. It felt plenty good, and I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I hadn't loved it, but I still had a lot of stamina left in me. We kissed passionately, and her mouth was warm and hot - from me I suppose - but that just made the kiss sexier. She straddled me and her hand reached down between us and guided me inside of her. She was wet and ready and I was as hard as granite, so penetration happened quickly. Once again, I marveled at how different she felt, and she gave a sudden whimpery gasp against my lips. I held onto her waist and we moved together, quickly finding a rhythm that was comfortable for both of us. I guess we'd moved to the stage were we both wanted to prolong it, rather than just get off, or at least I did, and met up with her because she'd already been there, because we slowed down and just took pleasure in each other. We kissed, and made love, and kissed, and petted each other every where our hands would reach, and kissed, and panted into each other. I'm not sure how long things went on like that, time dilates funny when you're having sex. Minutes become hours, and hours snap to minutes. It felt like hours, but could have been as little as twenty minutes. It felt like a long time. Here's the weird and remarkable thing though. I'd been with Kimmy plenty of times. Dozens, easily. We'd been sexually active for over six months by this point, and we liked having sex with each other quite a lot. But this time, this first time with Anna where neither of us were wasted drunk, this felt like the first time I was having adult sex. Which is weird to say, but weirder to experience. I didn't feel like I was fumbling around with my teenage girlfriend, I felt like I was with a sexy woman, pleasing and being pleased in a choreographed dance of skin and sex. It made the whole thing much hotter than any time I could remember with Kimmy. Maybe it was the body differences between Anna and Kimmy; Anna was much closer to my 'type' than Kimmy was. I just don't know. Eventually, I rolled her over onto her back, and managed to stay inside her. I kept thrusting and we made eye contact. We held each others gazes as we gently thrust against each other. She reached up and pet my cheeks, and I wrapped my arms under hers and propped myself up, every intention on staying there for a good long time, maybe forever. She bit her lip, and I could see she was starting to get close, so I picked up my pace ever so slightly. She responded by panting and arching her body against me, trying to maintain as much skin contact as possible. I held her, and she came. I did too, but my orgasm was just that. Her's rode through her like wild mustangs, and she gasped and pawed me, trying to pull me even deeper inside of her. She kissed me hard as we finished, and when we pulled apart, panting and spent, I could see tears on her cheeks. Now, I started to feel guilt. She loved me. She was in love with me, and I don't know if I was with her or not, but I'd just wanted to have sex with someone who wanted me around. I felt like I'd used her. I suppose I kind of did. I kissed her cheeks gently, and wiped her tears with my thumbs and held her while our breathing returned to normal. I had to say something. We had to talk, I couldn't just get up and leave. I started to get up, and she pulled me back down to her, wrapping her arms around me tightly and holding me inside of her "Not yet Jack, please," she whispered. I swallowed hard, the guilt really starting to settle in now. But I lay back down against her. Eventually I rolled slightly to the side of her and she clung to me, nestling her head under my chin. I meant to say something. I didn't want to just use her and not say anything. But I fell asleep. We had sex every night that week, each time was just as amazingly hot as the first. She seemed determined to impress me with her willingness to please. The day after the first, we woke up and her parents were gone. We showered together and fucked against the wall in the shower. I couldn't help but draw parallels with Kimmy, but I buried my confusion hilt deep in Anna's willing legs. I left that afternoon and we still hadn't talked. That night she came over to my house and we fucked again in my bedroom on the floor. Each time the floor creaked I panicked - I'd never had sex at my house before. She left after I'd fallen asleep. Then again the day after that when I drove over to her house again after midnight; and again the next day after her parents left, on the couch of her living room, and the floor of her kitchen. I still hadn't said anything to her yet. But then again, she hadn't asked me any questions either. Sometimes there just isn't anything to say. We cooled it off for a couple of days when Kimmy's work week ended. The five of us went to the beach and tried to have a good time. I was in a state of fear the whole time. Anna and I tried to act like normal, and she mostly ignored it when Kimmy was affectionate with me, but I was stabbed with guilt each time. I'm not sure who I was more guilty over betraying, Anna or Kim. It was strained though, Kimmy was trying too hard to be normal and casual. She ended up snapping at me over something stupid, like what kind of drinks I'd brought. Anna kept quiet when normally she'd have quipped and come to my defense, defusing the situation with a joke. I just took Kimmy's complaints silently. I think Abby gave Anna and I an odd look, but she didn't say anything either. We ended up quitting the beach early and I drove Kimmy home. Anna and I didn't hook up again until a couple of days later. I told myself it wasn't going not happen again, and that lasted exactly one half seconds into me being around Anna. I drove over to her house to talk, but there was no talking, she just kissed me at the door and pulled me to her bedroom. I was inside of her within two minutes of the door closing. By the time the birthday party was just a couple of days away, Anna and I had been together dozens of times. Sometimes so often, there had been a couple of days that left us both raw and sore. Not that it stopped us. It was the Wednesday before the Friday night party that Anna finally asked me a question. It was very late, and we were in the back seat of my car. We'd drive out to mine and Kimmy's spot and made love for at least an hour. I say made love, rather than fucked, because while I'd brought her out there to fuck her, Anna had come out for something else, so it had ended up being very slow and affectionate; tender and confusingly emotional. We were cuddling in the aftermath, when she spoke up. "What are you going to do about Kimmy?" she asked. "What do you mean?" I asked, thinking that she was talking about the party, "I'm going to the party with her, or at least that's the plan." I said. Guilt set in like a early winter frost. "That's not what I meant. I mean this fall, when we go off to school," she said. "Oh." That. "Are you going to break up with her? I mean officially," she asked. Her voice was carefully guarded. I sighed, "I probably should." She sat up and looked at me. I couldn't meet her gaze. "You know I don't mind this, right?" she said after a second. "Having sex together? I couldn't tell." I hid confusion under sarcasm. She didn't bite my bait, and shook her head, "No, the sneaking around. I don't care, you know." I sighed again. She ran her finger along my my chin, it was a very affectionate gesture. "I told you before, I'd have stolen you away from her in a second if it wouldn't have made you so unhappy. You were happy with her, now you aren't, so in my mind, that makes you fair game." I swallowed, "You make it sound simple." She nodded, "That's because it is. Are you happy with her?" That was it, the forty thousand dollar question. Was I happy with Kimmy any more? I guess I was quiet too long. She leaned over and kissed the side of my lips ever so softly, and then in the most loving and affectionate tone I'd ever heard from her, she said, "That's a 'no' then. It's okay you know. People grow apart. I doesn't mean you didn't love her, it just means you both have grown apart now." I sighed. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 11 "I love you," she said. I looked back over at her and started to open my mouth, but she put a finger on my lips, "Not yet Jack, you're confused, you wouldn't mean it, whatever you were about to say. I'm patient. I've waited for you for over a year now, I can wait until you figure things out." I took her hand and kissed her fingers, she smiled. It was a smile I'd never seen on her before. Then she started to cry. Talk about confusing signals. She put her head on my shoulder and sniffled. I just held her, totally unsure about the world. I didn't even know about gravity anymore, and I had been pretty damn sure about that one. "Sorry," she sniffled after a couple of minutes, "I'm sorry." "Why?" I asked, "You're just as confused as I am. This whole thing is a mess,"' I said. She shook her head, "No, I'm not, I know exactly what I want. I've just waited forever to say that out loud to you, and have you not look like you wanted to run and hide." she smiled at me again, even with tears streaking her cheeks, and she leaned over and kissed me again. It was a wet, salty kiss, from the tears. So, yeah. I was kind of a mess. We agreed that she would wait for me to figure things out with Kimmy, but that neither of us really wanted to stop what we were doing, so our secret affair was mutually agreed upon to be kept secret, which I thought would help with the guilt; but in fact, only made it ten times worse. # My plan was to break up with Kimmy gently at the party. I'd talk to her about how long distance relationships never work out, and how it wouldn't be fair to either of us; how things were strained enough already between us without 800 miles of distance. We'd hug, and she'd cry, but understand, and then we'd agree how we both wanted to stay friends, like we agreed in the beginning. I know, I'm a fucking idiot. I picked Kimmy up for the party at eight, but she'd gotten off work late, so she wasn't ready yet, so I ended up waiting around in her living room for twenty minutes while she ran around, yelling at her mom about curfew times ("Mom, I'm nineteen, I have a job, I'll be home tomorrow!") at her little sister, who was just about to start ninth grade, ("Angie! Where is my green tube top? Quit stealing my clothes you little brat!"), and complaining about her boss for holding her so late, ("Doesn't he know I have a life? This is my boyfriend's last party before he leaves!"). I sat on the couch and helped where I could, her dad sat across from me and watched ESPN's upcoming highlights of the college football season. "Stanford doesn't look to good this year, your school needs a better quarterback," he said. "Yeah I guess so sir, they didn't ask my opinion when they recruited him," I smiled. Mr. Allison was a nice guy, he would often pretend to scold me for things I had no control of. I used to sweat it until I learned he was just looking to see how I'd respond. The best way seemed to be with improbable sarcasm. Like Stanford consulting me before recruiting a quarterback. "Dad," Kimmy said in exasperation as she fumbled with putting one of her large hoop earrings in, "Jack isn't going to Stanford because of the football team, he's not a jock." "I know that honey, I was just telling him they've got a lousy starter this year," her dad said. I think Mr. Allison's sarcasm was completely lost on his daughters most of the time. "Well then stop bothering him about it!" she exclaimed and disappeared back down the hall to her room. He gave me a look, I just waved him off a little, a subtle signal that I got the joke and hadn't minded. He gave me a little smirk and went back to watching the highlight clips. Kimmy got in another fight with her little sister. Two months ago, I might have intervened. Her little sister liked me, I think she might have even had a crush on me, which had been cute when she was in middle school. Tonight, I sat on the couch and waited to break up with her older sister. "Finally, lets go," Kimmy came out in a huff. I stood up and said goodbye to her father. I opened the front door for Kimmy and she shouted at her mother once more that she'd be back tomorrow. I opened the car door for her. She got in, then I went around and got in and we drove out of her drive way and down the street without me saying a word. She finished putting her make up on using the passenger side visor mirror. She talked about how much work had sucked that day, how much she hated her boss and what a creep he was. She complained about her little sister, she complained about her mom. I sat and concentrated on driving. After a while she said, "Hey Jack, stop." I looked over at her to see what she meant. "Stop the car a minute, okay? Please?" she said. She used her soft voice that she saved for me. I pulled over to the side of the road and turned to look at her. She gave a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry, this is not what you want to be listening to on the way to your birthday party." "You've had a rough day, don't worry about it," I smiled at her. She smiled back. She was very pretty, her make up highlighted her large blue eyes in a way that made her appear ethereal and pixie-cute. "Just get it all out of your system before we get there and we'll call it even okay?" I grinned. She giggled and made a silly face like she was going insane. It was old Kimmy for a second. The silly cute goofball I'd fallen for. I grinned. I was going to break up with her tonight. I looked away before she could see my face fall. "Lets go baby," she said, and leaned over to kiss my cheek. God I felt like such a fucking asshole. # It had not gone as well as I'd hoped. I touched my cheek where Kimmy had just slapped me. Kimmy had an arm; I'd seen stars a second. I felt my jaw line to make sure it was still attached. "You cold fucking bastard," she said. People were staring at us now. "Kimmy, can we go outside?" I suggested, reaching for her arm. She jerked it away, she was starting to cry; they were angry tears. We'd been slow dancing, and I had started in on my speech about how I was going away, and had just gotten to the "better for both of us" part. When she'd pushed me away. I'd even told her we could still be friends, like we talked about back in the beginning. Then she slapped me. "You cold fucking bastard," she said. "Kimmy, can we go outside?" I suggested. "No! I'm not going anywhere with you apparently!" She shouted. Yup, we had everyone's attention. "Kimmy..." I pleaded. This is not what I wanted. "Better for both of us? You asshole! Better for you, you mean, so you can hook up with whoever you want without caring about me!" Her voice was shrill. Not angry; shrill. I started to say something else and she shouted me down, "No, just, shut up!" she was crying now, the last part came out as a sob. "You're breaking up with me on your birthday?" her voice twisted into heartbreak. My insides turned to boils and locusts, devouring and plaguing everything that was good inside of me. I was dirt. I was worse than dirt. I was dumpster trash; rotten cottage cheese. She wasn't done with me yet though. "You know what asshole? I'd just been about to tell you I'd saved up enough money to move to San Francisco with you! I worked that stupid job, at that stupid place for you! For us! So we could stay together!" her words were strangled sobs. Someone had stopped the music, so we were the show now. Gee thanks. Abby and Beth had stepped over to her now, Beth tried to take Kimmy's hand, but she pushed Beth's hands away. "Kimmy," Beth said, trying to salvage things. Anna came up to stand next to me. I wish she hadn't done that. "Its her isn't it! You're just going off to be with her, at your stupid fancy college, Big man on campus!" I dunno why, maybe it's reflex at that point. Your instincts are to go on the offensive when someone is dragging your heart through slime. Doesn't matter if you're the one who coated the floor in the slime. "Leave her out of this," I said firmly. "Fuck you! You've been wanting to stick your thing back inside her ever since prom!" There was a few hisses from the peanut galley. I felt like she'd splashed ice cold acid on me. I think Abby decided it had gone on long enough at this point, "Kimmy, lets take this some place else." she said, and took Kimmy's arm. Kimmy pushed her away too, "Fuck you bitch, you're leaving too!" Abby did not respond as well as she might have. For all of her caretaker instincts, no one likes being called a bitch. "Oh grow up, Kimberly!" she said in a pretty good mom voice, or at least an older sister. "We can't be responsible for your feelings when we're just moving forward with our lives. Now I think you need to go! Cool off!" Abby pushed her a little toward the door. Kimmy just sobbed and doubled over like someone had punched her in the guts. I think that had been me actually. Beth took Kimmy's hand, with a last look at the three of us, she pulled Kimmy out to the front door, putting her arm around her and helping her while Kimmy was wracked with sobs. Good job Jack, you broke her heart. Way to go James, motherfucking, Bond. There is nothing anyone could possibly say to me to make me feel better about that night, not then, not twenty years later. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 12 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** How do you move forward after you break someone's heart? One day at a time. One day at a time, because time moves forward, dragging you behind it like Achilles and Hector. The universe doesn't care about your love life, or your loss. Doesn't care that you can't think straight. Doesn't care that you can't stop replaying that moment. Doesn't care care if they left you, or you left them. It doesn't care if it was for the best, or justified, or conceived in conceited self-absorption. It just goes. The world spins on, the sun rises, sets, and rises again. You are just along for the ride friend; you can get drug behind the chariot, or you can pick yourself up out of the dirt and try to stumble along. At least that's what I've kept telling myself. Fuck if I know anything about anything. My parents wanted to drive me to Stanford themselves, but that didn't make any sense, it was about a nine hour drive each way, and they'd have both had to take extra time off. Especially since Anna was going too, and Abby was just across the bay at UC Berkeley an hour away. The three of us were going to road trip it up there together. We were taking Abby's car. Mine probably would not have made the journey and I was leaving it with my parents. Anna was just selling hers. I think she sold it to Todd for five hundred bucks. The day we were leaving, all of our parents were out on the lawn of Abby's house helping us load up Abby's Jetta; saying goodbye and generally being tearful, proud parental figures. I have no idea how we got all three sets of luggage in there, but we managed some how, and it even looked like there would be room for the three of us too. I kept looking down the road, half hoping, half fearing to see Beth's car pulling up with herself and Kimmy to say good bye. I pretty much knew Kimmy wouldn't show up, but I was hoping Beth would have made an appearance. As I was trying for the fifth and final time to get the hatchback on the Jetta shut, Abby came around to help me close it and said, "She's not coming. She called me this morning and said she was too busy packing herself." "Ah," I just said. The hatchback latched and I stood back and dusted off my hands. That was it, packing done. Time to go. Abby just ruffled my hair. I flushed and pushed her hand away playfully. Abby was a good friend, she always knew what I was worried about, and how to get my mind off it. I shoved down the cauldron of turbulent emotions in my gut and came around the car to say goodbye to the parental units. My mom hugged me tight, tears on the edges of her eyes. Dad shook my hand. I hugged him, he hugged back. "You'll make us proud Jack," he said. "Maybe I'll just work on surviving until the Thanksgiving break and save family pride until grad school," I joked. We both laughed. We got some last minute useless advice about traffic and routes. The girls hugged their parents, there were many smiles and 'I loves yous' and more advice about living in dorms. Then Abby finally said, "Lets hit the road before the term starts!" and we piled in the car and rolled out of the driveway. Abby flipped down her sunglasses and hit the stereo - music filled up the car and we cheered. Parents waved, we waved; and then we were on the road. I had shotgun, Abby was driving (her car), and Anna was squished in the middle of the back seat between her and Abby's boxes. We rolled through town and past the high school and the music was still upbeat and cheerful. We drove past the auditorium where I'd given my valedictorian speech and I began to get a weird feeling in my stomach. We hit the freeway and past the city limits and I fought down a wave of nostalgia. I guess I was staring out the window in moody, sullen, sourness for too long, because by the time we hit the climb to go over the grapevine, Abby said, "This is not going to motherfucking do. We are not driving seven hours with you two acting like we're on our way to a motherfucking funeral! Someone talk!" she demanded. I laughed and glanced back at Anna, who had been staring out the window herself, she smiled too. I smiled back. "That's a start. Jesus Christ you two," Abby laughed. "Yeah, yeah, alright Miss pep-talk, go for it," I said to Abby "Hmph," she said. "So you still haven't said why you chose Berkeley," I said, searching around for a not-depressing topic to talk about. Abby laughed, "Because it was too late to apply to Stanford when I found out that's where you two were going." Anna and I laughed. "I'm serious, you think I was going to stick around and follow Beth to USC? I wanted to go to school with my friends, you two just made it convenient for me by going somewhere together," Abby said, but she was still grinning. "Well that was just a happy accident, I had no idea Anna was applying to Stanford too," I said glancing back at Anna. She did not meet my eyes and looked at Abby. Abby glanced up at the mirror and looked back at Anna, "Happy accident for sure," she said with a smirk. Wait a minute. I turned around and looked at Anna, "Did you apply to Stanford because you found out I did?" "I applied to a lot of places. I wanted to stay in California for tuition prices, but I wanted some place with a good athletic program too. I actually got accepted to UCLA and USC, but when you applied for Stanford, I figured yeah, what the hell. Then they offered me the scholarship..." she shrugged, "It was no contest at the point. Best college in California, best track program, and you. Yeah, I picked Stanford," she smiled. I smiled back and turned back around in my seat. "Maybe I'll transfer in next year," Abby said. "That'd be awesome," I said, meaning it. It would be fantastic to have the three of us together. Almost like things would be normal. "So what are you majoring in then Annabeth, besides running really fast," Abby said. Anna shrugged, "Probably something easy that's broad, like communications or something." Abby smirked. "What about you Abigayle?" asked Anna with some sass behind it. Abby shrugged, "Something in photography. Probably something like journalism or maybe fashion design. Bet my parents would love that. They've been wanting me to be a lawyer since I was about, I dunno, probably the third trimester." I laughed at her. "And what about you brainy-pants? Quantum Physics?" Abby said when I chuckled at her. I shook my head, "I don't know honestly. I mean some kind of hard science for sure, maybe a bachelors in molecular chemistry and go for a graduate degree in applied chemistry." I honestly didn't know, but I had enjoyed chemistry in high school, I could see doing it full time. Abby laughed, "So, nothing but easy-skate classes for you then." We all laughed. The rest of the drive went much easier after that. # Stanford is huge. I mean depending on how you measure it, it qualifies as one of the largest campuses in the world. It's got my vote for the largest, even with the others site unseen. It's a damn city. It took me a month to get my bearings. At least a month - maybe my entire freshman year. I had no classes with Anna, we were in different programs. But that was okay, I still saw her everyday. We'd eat lunch together, study together, go out to dinner together, study more together, and then sneak back to her dorm and do other things together. It was her dorm more often than not, because my roommate was kind of a prude, and he threatened several times to report me for having a female guest over after hours. I was in an all-freshman, all-guy hall on the main row. Anna had ended up in a co-ed all-freshman dorm, and guys were just supposed to stay off her floor after midnight. Yeah, like that happened. Plus her roommate was seeing a guy from the next floor up and she'd just as often be upstairs in his room. I have no idea where his dorm mate went. We weren't even having sex together, just hanging out and keeping each other company. I was still feeling too guilty from the break up with Kimmy to do anything. Every time things started to get intimate with Anna, I'd freeze up, like nothing worked. Do you understand what I am saying? Like, 'Mr. Johnson didn't show up for work'? Yeah, glad we cleared that up. Thank god for Anna though, because she never pressured me, or even said anything, she'd just go back to soft kissing, and then we'd relax and talk until I had to go sneak back into my own dorm. I was getting pretty fed up with myself though; and because I guess it was just one of those things you do, I ended up having a conversation with my penis on the way back from her dorm one night. Yes, seriously. "Look buddy, there is no reason we shouldn't be having some fun with Anna," I said to my pants. "She's cute, I mean, she's fucking sexy! We've even done it before? Do you remember? Hey, don't bring that up, she's out of the picture now, both of them." It was a little chilly out, so I pulled up the hood on my red Stanford hoodie and picked up the pace. "So, next time man, you gotta work with me, I mean it's been over a month, and yeah, I'm a little stressed, I could really use some sex right about now, okay?" I gestured with both hands to the center of my pants. A guy walked past me, perhaps on his way back to his dorm after doing the nasty with his own girl. He gave me a weird look. Can't really blame him on that one. "Do you see what you're getting me into? Forget Kimmy, it's over. We fucked up, I know, but can we move on? It's a new world here, we're not going to make it if we don't get in the game, you know? Anna's not going to wait forever you know, She's a hot young thing on a campus full of wolves, we've got to step up." Well dammit it if I hadn't actually stumbled onto a valid point. I wondered if it was a point my penis had brought up to distract from the situation. When you argue with your anatomy, it's often tough to tell who's speaking. But Anna was hot. She was damn hot. And guys noticed. Lots of guys. She got hit on all the time, even when I was standing right next to her. Just today a grad student and practically pushed me out of the way to ask her if she wanted to hit the town with him. By hit the town I'm pretty sure he meant come back to his dorm room and fuck until they were blind. I sighed, okay, I wasn't that worried about some guy poaching Anna out from under me, but it wasn't a concern entirely without merit. We still had not made anything official, we were still sneaking around even though no one on campus knew anything about us. I wouldn't kiss her in public, not even hold her hand, and she hadn't made any public moves either. Maybe that was a good first step. Establish that we were in fact a couple, that I was moving on and wanted to be with her, not just secret sex behind closed doors. Okay well maybe the sex could stay behind closed doors, but I mean it didn't have to be secret. Well I wasn't going to hand out announcements or anything, but I didn't have to pretend there was nothing going on. Not like I meant to put a sign over us saying that we were... Okay Okay Penis, I get the point! Make it official, then the guilt will go away and we can relax and fucking get laid. Jesus Christ, anatomy can be so whiny. I decided to say something the next day at lunch. # "You know, there's no reason we have to sneak around now," I said. Her spoon, full of yogurt, paused on the way to her mouth, "Uh, did my dorm policies change last night and I not notice?" she said with a smirk, then put the spoon in her mouth. "No, I mean. Us. You and I, we don't have to be sneaking around. It's just us, no one here cares about our history." "Ah," she said, and looked down at her text book. I frowned a little, I had been expecting more than 'Ah'. "I mean, we can be a couple, you know, officially," I prompted. She looked up and studied my face. After a minute she brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "Are you ready for that?" I stopped the automatic response of yes. I owed her at least the appearance of consideration. I nodded, "I am, at least, I'm pretty sure I am. At the very least I've come to the conclusion that I want to try." She raised an eyebrow at me. Alright, so I was not James Bonding it here. I needed to get in the game. "Yes, Anna, I want to be with you. Together, officially, a couple. I care a lot about you and I don't want to lose you because I'm too scared to say anything," Okay self, better. Penis, if that was you, thanks bud. "This wouldn't have anything to do with that gorgeous, well built, anthropology grad student that asked me out yesterday would it?" I flushed, okay, maybe it did. Honesty. Honesty is the best policy. Why the fuck was she making me work for this, wasn't she the one in love with me? "Well, yeah, a little I guess. He made me see that I'm a damn lucky guy, and I should not be ashamed to speak up for what I want." She smiled and her eyes lit up before she lowered her gaze again down to her yogurt. She stirred it casually. Okay, that wasn't bad, going for broke, channel Mr. Connery. "I'm saying that you are really important to me, that I want to find out what can happen, I want... you, and I don't care who knows it." I said with some conviction behind it. Okay, that had some game, come on Anna, give me a sign. She looked up and grinned at me, she leaned over to kiss me. Yes! He shoots, he scores! I leaned in to meet her half way, and then she backed off suddenly, brought her spoon up and painted strawberry yogurt on my nose. I frowned. She lost it, giggling like a school girl and turning bright red. Passer byres rolled their eyes. Freshmen in love. I wiped my nose off and then said, "Alright, that's it, come here!" I lunged for her and tried to snake my arms around her so I could plant a kiss on her lips. She shrieked in delight and play, and fought me off for a couple of seconds before letting me catch her in my arms. Then we kissed, I bent her backward on the bench and she melted into my lips, opening her mouth and yielding to my tongue. James motherfucking Bond, bitches. Everything worked fine that night by the way. After that, I was back to feeling something like my old self. I had a girlfriend, I was getting a handle on my class load, and generally starting to take some joy in life again. Things were good. When Abby met us for our standing Saturday night out in the city, she took one look at Anna and I coming in holding hands and just said, "About fucking time, Jesus Christ." I smiled, but I don't think anything could compare to the glow coming off Anna's face. Time rolls on. Sometimes you just have to take the reins from Achilles and take the victory lap yourself. Drag that bastard behind his own chariot for a change. I guess there is a reason that he beat Hector, because that motherfucker does not like it when you try to get up out of the dirt. Three days before Abby, Anna, and I were about to drive back for Thanksgiving break, he drove his sword through my guts once again. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 13 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** When I was nine years old, my dad took me to Museum of Science and Technology in Los Angeles. It was just the two of us, a father-son outing; one of many, but this one stood out. We wound our way through exhibit after exhibit, marveling at all the cool stuff. When we got to a hands-on center for kids he just let me run free, following behind and letting me explore with my hands and eyes to my heart and mind's content. I remember that some person who worked there was giving a little talk on the aerodynamics of airplane wings, perpetuating the fallacy that the shape of the wing caused the air on the top have farther to go, so it created a low pressure zone for lift, which enables the plane to fly. I asked, "Then how do jet planes fly upside down?" All of the other kids and parents look at me, the person giving the talk floundered for a minute before going on about the high thrust of jet planes. I said, "But biplanes can fly upside down too." I don't think I've ever seen my dad prouder. Not even on commencement, after I'd given my valedictorian speech and he came up to shake my hand and hug me after the ceremony. Well maybe then. "Jack?" Anna said, her voice was full of worry. I looked away from the commercial airliner coming in for a landing on the runway out ahead of us. "Hmm?" "They called our flight number, it's time to go." she said, and laced her fingers in mine. I nodded and let her help me up. I grabbed my carry on and followed her to the boarding area. The attendant smiled at us and looked down at the 'Stanford' written across the chest of my red hoodie. "Going home for the holidays?" she asked with a cheerful tone. I nodded and handed her my boarding pass. I had no intention of telling her I was going home for a funeral. She gave me a plastic flight attendant smile and said, "Have fun!" I just nodded again and took my pass back. Anna squeezed my hand and then let go to hand over her own. Twenty minutes later we were in the air. I looked out over the shape of the wing. It's the curvature of the wing and the control surfaces that created lift, factored in by the thrust and mass of the plane. Not because the air on top has to travel farther. I wish people would stop teaching that. # My mom picked us up from the airport and hugged me tight for a least a full two minutes. I held her back. I tried to comfort her. I wasn't really feeling anything. It wasn't real. I let go and she hugged Anna too, they squeezed other tightly. I had no idea what my mother knew about my dating life besides the fact that I had broken up with Kimmy before school started, but I think she knew Anna wasn't just there as a friend. "I'm so glad you were able to come too, so Jack didn't have to travel alone," Mom said. Anna just squeezed her, "I'd do anything for Jack - for you guys." She said. It was less than a ninety minute flight. I'm sure I could have handled it. But I didn't say anything. It seemed important to them. We put our bags into the back of my mother's SUV. There wasn't much. I'd just thrown a couple sets of clothes in a school bag, I didn't bring a suitcase. Besides, I still had plenty of clothes at home in my room. Anna was the same. We drove back to our house. My mom was giving me details about the arrangements that still had to be made. I looked out the window and nodded when appropriate. I was thinking about airplanes. "Do you need me to drop you off at your place Annabeth?" My mom asked Anna. "No that's alright. I hadn't planned on coming back for Thanksgiving, so my parents and brothers are in Seattle visiting my Aunt and Uncle. I'll head over later and grab some stuff, but I'm good now." Anna said from the back seat. "Oh, do they know you're here?" Mom asked Anna nodded, "Yeah I called them last night and said I was coming down with Jack. They said to let them know if there is anything they can do when they get back." "I will, thank you. But you should stay with us, not in your empty house," my mother said again. "Thank you Mrs. Wallington," Anna replied. "Ellen, please dear, I've been telling you girls for years to call me Ellen." I wondered if you could fly a 727 upside down. It'd probably have to be empty of passengers and cargo to reduce the mass, but I bet it had enough thrust-to-weight ratio. The house felt empty when we got there. It was strange enough to cross the threshold for the first time in almost three months. There was a tangible absence of presence though. I walked into the kitchen and set my bag down beside the kitchen table, like I'd just gotten home from school. The table was filled with plates of cookies wrapped in saran wrap and pies. There was a wicker basket with crackers, cheese, and smoked meats in red plastic. It was a staple around the holidays. "You kids must be hungry, help yourself to anything," my mom said and turned to the refrigerator, "I have some ice tea, or do you college kids just drink coffee now? I could put on some coffee." she got the coffee out of the freezer. "Mom..." I said softly. She didn't need to play hostess for me. "I know you guys drank coffee during finals week last year, do you take it black?" She reached up in the cupboard, but the sugar bowl was too high for her to reach. "Mom." I said again, a little firmer. "Dammit, I can't reach, I keep telling your father not to put..." she froze. I touched her shoulder and gently pulled her around. She had a stricken look on her face, all of the color had left her cheeks, and she looked at me in horror. "Oh god Jack..." she whispered, "I..." "I know mom, it's okay." I wrapped my arms around her again. She softly folded against me and then began to sob. I held my mother as she was wracked by great, body wrenching sobs of agony. I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt. Anna got up and quietly left the room. I didn't cry. I didn't feel anything. I put my mother to bed in the spare room. She didn't want to go in her bedroom. I didn't blame her. I don't think she'd slept in three days. I came back down in the living room, I didn't see Anna at first. She was sitting out on our back porch next to the pool. I opened the sliding glass door and stepped out with her. She looked back. Her eyes were red and rimmed with all the tell tales signs of having recently been crying. "Your mom asleep?" she asked. I nodded. "Laying down at least. She's exhausted. I don't think she's slept since the hospital." "God, your poor mother," Anna said softly. I just nodded. I didn't have anything to add. Poor mom. We sat in silence a while. Anna took my hand in both of hers and held it up to her lips and kissed my fingers. Her breath was warm and lips soft. The phone rang. I got up to get it. I didn't want it waking up my mother. It was my mother's friend, Julie. She was relieved I was there to take care of my mother. I told her I was too. Then she talked for fifteen straight minutes while I just nodded and answered in monosyllabic tones and words. I hung up after she did. Why do you nod while talking to people on the phone? I do it all the time, even though I know they can't see me. I took the phone off the hook. Just until my mother was done sleeping. I went and sat on the couch. My dad's glasses were on the coffee table. He'd needed them to watch TV and drive, but not to read. He'd probably set them there the last time he watched television. In all likelihood, he'd been the last person to touch them. I picked them up and turned them over in my hands. Anna had come in and sat down next to me. I didn't look at her. "Do you want to be alone?" she asked. Her voice cracked with emotion. I shook my head. "What do you want me to do?" she asked helplessly. I shrugged. I didn't know. She wrapped her arms around one of mine and put her head against my shoulder. I sighed. We sat in silence for a long time. The grandfather clock in the hall ticked off the seconds which echoed through the silent house. It gave its half hour gong. I got up and went into the kitchen. Anna followed me like a shadow. I got the sugar bowl down from the top shelf and put it on the counter. Then the spare butter dish. Then the teapot behind it. Twenty minutes later everything that had been on the top shelves in the kitchen was on the counters and I was feeling pretty stupid. I didn't know where to put all this stuff. I sighed and leaned against the counter. Anna was trying to fit some wine glasses in with the rest of the glasses. I almost told her they didn't go there, they went up on the top shelf. Fuck. I walked over and took her wrist gently and turned her toward me. She didn't meet my eyes. I lifted her chin and leaned down to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed back gently. Then I was clinging to her. I felt - something. It wasn't grief, it wasn't anger. I don't know what it was. But it was intense, and it demanded immediate action or become overwhelmed by it. Anna broke away just inches and put her hand on my cheek. She led me to my bedroom and shut the door. She kissed me passionately, I kissed her with great need. I pulled her clothes off roughly. She helped. She backed up and pulled me onto the bed with her. We both fumbled with my belt buckle and my pants. I tugged her panties down to her knees, she kicked them off and I climbed on top of her. We kissed again. I entered her. She wasn't quite ready, she winced a little. I started to apologize and she covered my mouth with hers and pulled me deeper inside of her. Need took over. I tried to be a good lover and after a few moments, she felt normal; ready, but I was almost done by then. I think the whole thing took less than two minutes. I shuddered as I finished. I knew she hadn't got anywhere close, but she just ran her hands through my hair and kissed me. Then she pulled me tight against her and wrapped her legs around me. I think I'd cried, because she kissed my cheeks softly, and there was wetness. I dropped my head and nuzzled into her neck and wrapped my arms as tight around her as they would go. I fell asleep in seconds. I hadn't slept in three days yet either. # It never rains in California, not even in the winter. Not during thanksgiving weekend, not during Christmas. Not during funerals. It should rain during funerals, not be bright and clear. At least I could wear sunglasses with my suit. I stood next to my mother as they opened the little concrete cubby hole that my dad's ashes were going to spend the rest of eternity. Or at least as long as this memorial lawn was in business. My dad's brother and sister and their families were there. Some of my parent's friends as well. Some people from my dad's work. And the girls were there. Abby, Anna, Beth, and Kimmy. Anna stood next to me, I guess that was the girlfriend spot. The minister asked if we wanted to put anything in the cubby hole and all I could think was anything I put in there that would remind me of my dad I would probably want back at some point, and that could prove awkward. My mother put in a bag of sand dollars, they had a thing about sand dollars. I didn't know the story. Chinese Emperors were buried with terra cottta armies. Pharaohs were buried with their slaves and mummified cats. My dad got sand dollars. I guess that fit. The reception was back at our house. There were probably twenty, twenty five people in our smallish two story, three bedroom house. It felt empty. I had to stay outside, I kept looking for my dad in the crowd of his friends and family. I was sitting by myself out in the back of our yard. I still had my suit and sunglasses on. It was too bright outside. I didn't notice her approach, but I didn't jump when Kimmy said, "Hey Jack..." She used her soft, just for me voice. I looked up, my eyes thankfully behind mirrored shades. She was wearing a tasteful black skirt and vest top. She had her hair down, but it was cut very short, just below her ears. It looked cute on her. Enhanced her pixie thing. "Hey," I said. "Mind if I sit with you?" she asked. Her voice sounded hopeful. "Not at all," I said. It was true. I missed her. A lot. Didn't realize how much until she sat down next to me and I caught her perfume on the breeze. "I'd ask how you are, but that'd be stupid," she said softly, folding her hands in her lap as she sat on the small brick wall that segregated my mother's long dead vegetable garden from the rest of the yard and pool. I snorted softly, "Everyone keeps asking me that. I've run out of variations on 'Well enough I guess.'" She nodded. I looked over, I could see the other three girls talking by the back porch near the pool. They were all dressed like Kimmy, tastefully in black. Always dressed for the occasion my girls. Anna glanced back at Kimmy and I, she looked at me, I guess trying to decide how to handle my ex-girlfriend sitting next to me at the reception for my father's funeral. She turned back around and kept talking to Abby and Beth. Beth looked at me too. I looked away. "I love you," Kimmy said suddenly. I sighed, Jesus Fucking Christ, not now... "I mean, as a friend, Jack. I meant as a friend. I just want you to know if there is anything you need..." she said quickly and then trailed off lamely. I forced a smile. "I''m glad we are still friends. I miss you, a lot," I said, which was kind of stupid of me. She played with her fingers. "I miss you too," she said. There was still heartbreak in her voice. Well, now I finally felt something I could identify again. Guilt. I took her hand, and she squeezed mine and interlaced her fingers. They were warm and kind of sweaty. "I'm sorry Kimmy, I really fucked things up," I said after a minute. "It's okay. You were right. I mean obviously. I was being a silly girl thinking I could just move up there with you, like, 'surprise!' I imagine you're even busier now than you were last year, plus who knows if I'd have been able to make it on my own to even have a place," she said. It sounded like she'd practiced. I shrugged, "There were about a hundred better ways I could have handled that. In fact, I'm not sure there were many worse ways I could have gone about it," I said with a sigh. It actually felt good to get that off my chest. She squeezed my hand, "We may not be together anymore Jack, but I still love you and care about you. I always will. You were my first." I don't know, maybe it was something in the tone, maybe it was my imagination, but something in the way she said it said that I wasn't her 'only' anymore. I felt a twinge of jealousy. Which was stupid, because I had no room to fucking talk. My mother hadn't said anything about the last two nights that Anna had spent sleeping in my bedroom, in my bed. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. I could smell her faint perfume, so achingly familiar to my senses. I had kissed her so many times. I loved kissing her. Sometimes I think I liked kissing her more than Anna, even though I liked sex with Anna more. It took everything I had to not turn and make it a real kiss. Everything. God I missed her. I pulled her hand over to my face and kissed that. It wasn't the same. It wasn't what I wanted. She reached behind me with her other hand and petted between my neck and shoulder blades. Her hand crept up to my neck and played with the back of my hair, an old gesture for us. One that brought back a lot of feelings and desires. I, very, slowly pulled away. She got the signal I think, and her hand fell back to her lap awkwardly. "I'm with Anna now," I said. Maybe to try and deflect what I was feeling, maybe to save myself from any more treacherous thoughts. She sighed softly, "I know. Abby told me when she called me a couple of days ago and told me about your father. I wanted to come be here for you, and she warned me so it wouldn't be a shock." Thank you, Abby... thank you. I sighed and gently put Kimmy's hand back into her lap with a little pat. I tried to smile at her. She gave an awkward smile back. "I'm the one who said it you know," she said after a second. I looked up at her, she had a sad smile. "That the date was only okay if we could go back to being friends afterward," she said. I remembered, I remembered as clearly as if it had been yesterday, I smiled back, my first real smile in days. There was a huge lump in my throat. "That was a hell of a date baby," I said hoarsely. She laughed, but she had tears in her eyes. It was my turn to lean over and kiss her cheek. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and full of tears, I could see she wanted to turn and kiss me as badly as I had with her. I pulled away and kept a hold of her hand. I gently helped her up and we walked over to the rest of our friends. Anna watched with a look that barely concealed total panic under a concerned smile. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 13 I stepped over to the other three of my best friends in the whole wide world. I let go of Kimmy's hand and slipped my arm around Anna's waist and kissed her softly. It was a territorial stamp, but a soft one. I think I felt two hundred tons lift off of her shoulders. Beth was smiling softly at us, not looking away, her eyes red with previous tears. I looked at Abby and she too had a smile on her face. Kimmy and I had reached an understanding, and that made all of us feel better. It wasn't perfect, and I was still confused as hell. But it was a start. "Hey guys..." I said after a second. They all looked at me expectantly. Some where, some how, they had all started looking to me for guidance and leadership, rather than just letting me tag along. "Let's get the fuck out of here. I need a drink," I said with a wry smile. That was unanimous. # Abby laughed until she had tears in her eyes that sparkled in the light of the campfire. I was laughing too, so was Anna, Kimmy, and Beth; but it was Abby who'd lost it completely. Her head fell into Beth's lap as tears of mirth streamed from her face. Anna rescued the bottle of wine from her before it spilled. It was our last one. We were down at the beach outside Abby's parent's beach house. We'd raided the wine cellar and probably drunk about two thousand dollars worth of fine reds. That had only been about ten bottles, but still. The last two bottles, we'd skipped the glasses and just passed around the bottles themselves. Abby struggled to breath and pulled herself up with Beth pushing on the side of her head. That only made the rest of us laugh harder. I forget what the joke had been. I was pretty drunk. Not prom night drunk, that had been a vodka and beer shots drunk. This was feeling warm and good on a couple bottles worth of wine drunk. It's a different kind of feeling. Try it sometime. Anna stopped giggling long enough to take a long pull from the last bottle of expensive pinot noir and then passed the bottle to me. There was about half of it left. I settled down my own laughter and took a drink, then passed it to Kimmy. She giggled and caught my eye when my fingers brushed hers. She was still in her funeral clothes, but the her top had gotten unbuttoned to the point it was no longer tasteful, her now short hair was pulled back in a clip to be out of her eyes. Her blue eyes sparkled with water from mirthful tears in the firelight. It was very sexy. I looked away. Laughter settled down again, and Abby regained her sitting posture. The bottle was passed to her and we all just sort of sat regaining out breath. We'd been talking about high school, remembering the good times. It felt good. There was a lot to remember. Abby seriously had the giggles though, every time she'd try to take a drink she'd bust up laughing again. "Oh come on, take your swig and pass it around, what's gotten into you?" Anna said with her own voice on the edge of laughter. "Library books!" Abby gasped out at last. "Oh god," Anna said, rolling her eyes. Then she too began to giggle like a maniac. "Obviously the rest of us are missing the joke," I said. Abby and Anna both continued to laugh. I'm pretty sure Abby's face was going crack wide open. She was sucking air in now with the desperate gulps of the drowned. "Oh C'mon you two!" exclaimed Beth, laughing herself, though seemingly at them, and not their shared joke. "I love checking out," Abby gasped, "Library books!" And she was gone again. Helpless against her self induced mirth. Anna fell backwards onto the sand, clutching her sides as the heaved in great guffaws. "That isn't even funny!" exclaimed Beth, managing to laugh and sound indignant at the same time. That of course, made them both worse. Kimmy just shook her head, "Is this that stupid code you two had?" she asked. Abby nodded helplessly. Beth and I looked at Kimmy for an explanation. Kimmy rolled her eyes, "These two, would use code so they could talk about hooking up with or checking out guys in front of people. Guys were books, checking out a cute guy was 'checking out a library book'," she said. She was smirking. I rolled my eyes, so did Beth. "Hooking up with a guy would be 'stayed up all night reading that library book' and so on," Kimmy continued, "you do not want to know what the translation of 'I just devoured this great book last night' was." "Ew!" exclaimed Beth. I just chuckled. It was pretty funny actually. Anna had recovered enough to begin talking again. "This one time, Jack, your dad was giving us a ride somewhere, I think it was home from a track meet..." She glanced at Abby for support, who nodded, "Anyway, we're in the back seat of his car, and Abby starts going on about this library book she was checking out that she borrowed from the other team, which was code for checking out a hottie from the other school..." Anna said, trying to contain her mirth, but it kept escaping in little bursts that punctuated her statements. "When your Dad, he starts going on about how much he loves the library, and he checks books out all the time..." Anna lost it at the end, peeling into a sort of squealing noise that dissolved into laughter. "Oh my god," I said, imaging my dad, with his perpetual goofy grin, thinking he was having a conversation about books with these two girls sitting in the back seat trying not to lose it. Abby was crying, but she managed to sputter out a decent impression of my father, "I just love a good book! I could read all day, every day! Sometimes I'll go to the library and check out five or six, that'll barely last me a week!" And that was it, she was squealing again. I laughed. I could hear my dad saying exactly that. It felt good. It hurt. But it felt good to think of him like that. My chest twisted up inside to think he was gone, but it felt good to remember him in that moment. One ordinary moment, made special by the context of the telling. Context is everything after all. And ordinary moments made extraordinary by the context around them are all any of us ever get. The rest of the evening went well. I kept catching glances from Kimmy. I would be filled with confusion and longing and we would look away; and Beth kept giving me funny wistful looks as well. But Anna and I retired to one of the spare rooms in the beach house to sleep it off. No one came in and interrupted us. But I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind. I wouldn't have even cared who it was. Here though is where you are probably expecting some kind of profound insight from me. Some kind of parable that will make sense of loss; of death. But I got nothing. I'm not a religious person. I've never seen any evidence for a higher power, or greater meaning in life. I've wished I were so - so many times. But you know what they say about wishes and shitting. My father is gone. He died of a heart attack three days before Thanksgiving in 1994 at forty-four years of age. Its nearly twenty years later and I still can't find any meaning in it. To teach me a lesson; humility? The value of our family and loved ones? Bullshit. My father missed my graduation from Stanford, graduate school, my wedding, the birth of my children, and a hundred holidays and birthdays. Not to mention thousands of plain, ordinary days that I could have picked up a phone and called him; except for the fact he's a pile of ash in a concrete cubby hole. The only thing I learned from my father's death is how fragile and fleeting it all is. Cherish your friends. Cherish your loved ones. Cherish every moment you squeeze out of the universe. The only thing I've learned about losing someone is what I learned from astrophysics; Stephen Hawking and Einstein. The universe is a tapestry of moments strung together. We are but passing stars relative to one another, and each moment we are flung farther and farther away from the ones we grow up with. Cherish the time you have with them, by the time you notice their light has been extinguished they'll already be long gone. That's about all the profoundness I can handle at the moment. # Unlocking the door to my parent's house - my mother's house - I walked into a living room that told the tale my mother had stayed up late as well. There were several empty wine bottles on the coffee table, and five empty wine glasses. Her brother and sister, her best friend Julie, my mom, and probably one of their other friends. I almost counted my dad. This was going to take an adjustment. Anna came in behind me and shut the door, we were both still wearing our crumpled funereal clothes and probably looked like hell. Anna still had her sunglasses on to hide her bloodshot eyes. Her hair was rumpled and tangled. Pretty sure I had my own bed hawk going Red wine hangovers are their own special thing too. Trust me. My mother came out of the kitchen. She looked showered an changed, but otherwise probably as hung over as we were. She gave us a wry half smirk-half frown. "I was wondering where you kids disappeared too, go off and have your own private wake?" she said. "Something like that. Sorry we just took off," I said. "Oh don't worry about it. A bunch of us opened up some wine after everyone left and stayed up late into the night trading stories about your dad," she smiled. It was a painful sad smile. But it was a good smile. I gave a half smile back. "I wish I'd stayed then," I said. My mom shook her head, "Nah," she waved her hand dismissively, "I hope the girls took you out and got you good and drunk." "Pretty much," Anna whispered. Though from embarrassment or the hangover I'm not sure which. Maybe both. My mother smirked. "Don't worry about the mess, I've got this. I need to keep busy and this should last me all day. Go shower and lay down, looks like you both could use some sleep before your flight. You leave at nine?" my mother said. Yeah - leaving. I had to go back to school tomorrow "About that mom, I was thinking..." I started to say something about taking the semester off. My mother raised a sponge at me like it was a weapon, "Don't you even think it young man. You have worked too hard to even think about not going back to school and finishing." Mom voice. Mom voice on a hang over. I winced. So did Anna. "I'll be fine. Julie is sticking around for at least a week, maybe more. I won't be alone and you can call me whenever you like," she said firmly. I sighed and relaxed a little. I wasn't going to argue with my mother. Not in my current state anyway. "Yes mom," I said. My mother gave a little nod of her head, as if that was as it should be, and then came over and gave me a hug. "Honey, I promise, I'll be okay. You just promise me that You will be okay." she said I held my arms around her and nodded. She squeezed me, and then she said, "Whew! Did you kids drink an entire winery?" "Pretty much," Anna whispered and headed up the stairs to my room. I smirked, "Lets just say the wine cellar at Abby's parent's beach house is in need of a little restocking,' I said. My mother just shook her head, "I'd lecture you about under age drinking, but at least you've got good taste." I squeezed my mother again and then went up to lay down. Anna and I slept until we had to get ready for our flight. My mother drove us, and Abby, to the airport. Abby had managed to get on the same flight back as Anna and I with a little coordination. A little sweet talking the flight attendants and another passenger and we even got seated together. I got the aisle seat because my legs were the longest. A friend of Abby's picked the three of us up, and then she and Abby drove back to Berkeley after dropping Anna and I off at the front of the housing row. Anna and I walked back to our dorms, it was after midnight, and the night air was noticeably cooler than it had been in L.A. Anna linked her arm in mine and we just walked in silence back to her dorm. Her roommate was asleep, so we were quiet. It's a little weird making love when there is another girl sleeping about eight feet away with only a sheet hanging from the middle of the room, but you get used to it. I don't think we ever woke her up. But if we did, she was a sport and never said anything. # The rest of the year was uneventful. Anna and I continued to see each other, but it never clicked for me the way it did with Kimmy. We had lots of sex, laughed, joked, and went to parties; danced dirty, and enjoyed each others company. But it was never the way it was with Kimmy. I never felt stupid giddy when she smiled at me, I never felt the world fall away when we just kissed. Maybe it was because of my dad, maybe it was because of Kimmy. Maybe it was me, maybe I was too guarded, maybe I was too involved with school. Maybe, too many maybes. By the end of the year, I think Anna had noticed. Which led to other problems. Anna had always liked to party, and there were a lot of parties on campus that were easy to get invited too if you were a hot freshman girl. I went with her to a lot of them, but not all of them. I just had too much on my plate with my studies. I was in a hard science program. I couldn't be out five nights a week partying and getting drunk. Anna did, and she got drunk a lot. I had a hard time with that. In retrospect I wonder if it was her way of coping with my emotional distance or trying to get my attention back. Roads not taken I guess. At first it was okay, drunken sex is pretty nice. Until it becomes the only kind of sex you ever have. Until every time you have sex your partner is smashed and you aren't. Until you have to forcibly insist the answer is no, because she's too wasted to realize you're trying to study for an exam tomorrow and not the least bit turned on by her drunkenly trying to unbuckle your pants under your desk. Then she storms out of your dorm pissed off and drunk and you know that she's probably too drunk to find her way back to her dorm, so you chase after her after a couple of minutes and find some frat boy chatting her up and she's not shutting him down. Then you have to peel your girlfriend away from the guy who could probably fold you in half and put her to bed back in her dorm room. It was a long year, but beyond my increasing disillusionment with Anna, an unexciting one. Mom and I spent the holidays at her brother and sister's, so we didn't have to spend it in the house. She took up with some gardening club and otherwise seemed to be coping okay. I was too busy to cope, which is the same thing I suppose. Anna and I stayed together through the summer. Back home, with our friends, she seemed to calm down a little and kind of be back to her old self, which was nice for both of us; we reconnected a little. We celebrated mine and Beth's birthday with just the five of us rather than a big bash. I think we were partied out from our respective freshman years. Abby I know was. I didn't see too much of her during our second term, despite being closer geographically to anyone else besides Anna. Beth had quite a few stories from USC too - and a boyfriend on the football team. Big shock. I learned that Kimmy and Todd had hooked up briefly, but that it only lasted a few months. They'd even moved in together. Apparently they'd had an epic break up that involved things being thrown in the street. They said he was currently living in Palm Springs with his cousins. I didn't see him that summer. I'd gotten a letter from Christina Yu; she was going to Yale and had heard through some other mutual friends about my dad. Her letter was pretty thoughtful, considering that we hadn't been super close. Oh, I ran into Tommy's mom too. Tommy had been accepted to Duke, but he was on probation for getting caught during a fraternity hazing stunt. Something to do with girl's panties. She really didn't go into other details. I was very grateful. My sophomore year at Stanford was even less eventful. Anna and I broke up over her drinking, then got back together over Christmas break - then broke up again on New Year's when I caught her drunkenly making out with some guy neither of us knew. The next week she swore up and down she'd thought he had been me. I didn't think it made it any better. We got back together over spring break, at least together enough to have sex several times during a massive week long party at the beach house. Abby had invited tons of people from Berkeley and Beth invited a bunch of people from UCLA and USC. It was easily the wildest bash we'd ever thrown. Anna and I managed to stay together all the way through the end of the school year, even though times I was certain she was cheating on me and then she broke up with me on my 21stbirthday. I got a little too drunk and started telling 'Drunk Anna' stories to the other girls. None of them cast her in a favorable light. Abby told me later I'd been pretty pissed off while telling them. Anna and I ended up in a shouting match that had Beth taking Anna home to sleep it off and Abby putting me to bed after I alternatively cried and vomited my guts out in her bathroom. Guess after two years of dealing with the roller coaster I had finally had enough. Our Junior year, I finally decided on a major and then learned that I was too late for that program and I'd have to wait a year. So I picked a different one. Education. Yeah, I was going to be a teacher. I bet you saw that one coming from the beginning didn't you. Not just any kind of teacher though - a math teacher. Another shocker I'm sure. Turns out I was not only pretty good with math, I was pretty good with teaching it to other people. I'd gotten Anna through a few of her college courses, not to mention all the tutoring I did in high school. So I was majoring in K-12 education with a minor in mathematics. It was weird. My whole life I had been setting my expectations on becoming a scientist of some kind, maybe working for NASA, or JPL. Instead of was going to spend the rest of my adult life teaching. It made sense in a weird way. Abby said it fit me perfectly and she was surprised it'd taken me this long to figure out. She was right I guess. She often is. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 14 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** I should probably back up again. Abby and I had always had a pretty solid relationship. From the very beginning, way back in the beginning of all of this, she'd been the first of all of Beth's friends to just take me at face value. She was the first to accept Kimmy and I - and Anna and I. She was there as a solid anchor when the debacle of the prom night threesome had happened, giving me a drama free friend to hang out with. She'd been there for me all of the times I'd meet her in the city to unload about my problems with Anna during our first two years at Stanford. She'd been the one to take care of me when things finally ended for good with Anna. She'd been there at each ending before. Never judging, never adding to the drama, just being a solid friend. My junior year was a pretty stressful one. I didn't see Anna much anymore. I hooked up with a couple of girls for one-night stands. I studied. I got through it. Not much to tell. My mother had kind of break down, and I spent all of my holidays with her, even a few weekends I probably couldn't afford to spend not studying. My 22nd birthday, Beth, Abby and I spent it with a quite night out, just the three of us. I went home early, alone. I spent a lot of time with Abby our senior year, though. Anna and I weren't talking at all. I guess she'd become the go-to party girl of a dozen different guys. I tried not to pay attention to any of it. Abby and I would meet every weekend in San Francisco to hang out and study together. I was starting to lose it. My grades were dropping; I was still on the dean's list, but I wasn't pulling straight A's anymore. I freaked out about that. She got me through it with humor, and the occasional beer and dancing night. It was Kimmy's wedding that really changed everything. For all of us. Kimmy and Todd's relationship had been almost as rocky as Anna's and mine. They got together, they broke up spectacularly, they got back together, they moved in together, they loved to hate each other. I suppose it was only natural that they got married. They were getting married over spring break of 1998, mostly so that the other four of us could be there. Beth was her maid of honor; Anna, Abby, her little sister, and a girl she worked with that had also been a friend of ours from school were her bridesmaids. You probably remember Mindy. I wasn't a groomsman, and no, I wasn't offended. Todd and I hadn't talked much since school. I got to go to the bachelor's party though. I was kind of an outsider, Todd had pretty much a whole new set of friends at this point, so there wasn't anyone else I knew. It was entertaining anyway. I'd have rather gone to the bachelorette party with my friends. Abby's shown me pictures though. They had a lot more fun than I did. The day of the wedding, even though I was neither a groomsman or a bridesmaid (though Kimmy and the girls had told me if I could fit into one of the dresses... I was tempted) I was running around helping get set up. Mr. Allison even told me while we were setting chairs up on the lawn that he'd half expected to be doing this for me four years ago. I didn't have an improbable sarcastic remark for him. He looked disappointed. Abby came out, still not in her dress yet, and told me Kimmy wanted to talk to me. Being the kind of sentimental sucker that I am, I had been kind of wanting to talk to her too. "Sure thing, let me finish this up," I said. I had about forty more chairs to go. "It seems pretty important Jack," Abby said. She had a weird note in her voice. "Uhm, okay." I walked over to her so she could lead the way, but she didn't move, she just looked up at me. "Where is she?" I asked after a moment when she didn't move. Abby linked her arm in mine and we started to walk back into the house. The wedding was at Kimmy's grandparent's house. They had a very large back yard with a pretty orange grove. It was really nice actually. A place I wouldn't have minded getting married myself. "Jack..." Abby said as we walked, her voice was lowered. I looked down at her. "Just..." she started again, but stopped. I chuckled, "Yessss?" I tried to draw it out of her. Abby sighed, "Be... on your guard, okay? I think she's getting cold feet. There's a lot of history between you two." I smirked, I probably shouldn't have, but I smirked, "All ancient history though." Abby shook her head, "Not so ancient... Just - don't do anything you'll both regret okay?" Well that was an ominous warning. "Abbs," which is what I'd started calling her. She'd started working out a lot the last year. Joined a yoga class. Girl was very toned. She'd showed me her six pack earlier that year; 'Abbs' had stuck then. "What's this about?" I asked, lowering my voice. She shook her head, "I don't know, but she's a nervous wreck and she's been asking for you for an hour. Asking if you where here yet, asking if you'd come up and see her." I frowned. That didn't sound bad, but I trusted Abby. Completely. "Don't worry about me. I'm long over her. Todd's a friend. I won't let her do anything she'll regret," I said. Abby just sighed quietly. I was led up to the master bedroom of the two story country house. It really was a nice house. Abby knocked on the door and said, "Kimmy, Jack's here." Kimmy's mother opened the door. "Come on in Jack," she said. Her voice sounded exactly like the morning I woke up at Kimmy's house. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to come in or not. "Er, thanks Mrs. Allison," I said stepping in anyway. Kimmy was in her wedding dress. She was... Stunning. Her hair was still short, and she didn't have her veil on, but her hair was twisted back in a half braid along one side, she had a cute hair clip with small light blue semi precious stones in it. Her dress was white satin and strapless. It didn't have a long train, but it fit her perfectly. She still had her cheerleader's body. Better actually. Her twenty third birthday had been two weeks ago. I swallowed slowly. She was - totally beautiful. "Mom, can I have a minute with Jack, alone?" Kimmy said. Her mother frowned. Kimmy sighed, "This is Jack, if you can't trust me with Jack, who can you trust me with?" "It'll be fine Mrs. Allison, I'll guard the door for you,' I said, some how finding my voice and smiled. I used the 'perfect student' voice. You know, the 'I'm a valedictorian who is totally not having wild sex with your daughter' voice? Yeah. That one. "Ten minutes Kimberley, we still have to finish getting your dress ready," Mrs. Allison said in a tone that said she didn't want to leave her bride-to-be-daughter alone with her ex-boyfriend. "Mother - please?" Kimmy said and gestured at the door. Mrs. Allison left, with a look that said I shouldn't dare try to abscond with her daughter. The door shut and I turned back to look at Kimmy. I was wearing my navy blue suit, because I only owned two suits that fit even a little bit anymore and the black one was a little snug in the shoulders. At twenty-two, I had finally started filling out. At six-one and a hundred and eighty pounds, I filled out my suit pretty well I think. She came over to me and reached up to adjust my tie. "You dress up pretty, you know that?" she said, looking at my single Windsor knot. I had that one down. I smiled, "You look amazing Kimmy." She looked up at me and smiled. God, she was beautiful. Her blue eyes were bright and framed with blue gemstone eyeshadow to highlight. Her lashes were extra long and dark. I had a moment right there. I flashed to her stepping into the shower naked with me on my eighteenth birthday - to her slow dancing with me at prom - to her eyes squeezed shut in ecstasy as I penetrated her for the first time. I swallowed. I think she had a moment too, because she leaned over and kissed me. Sigh. God I loved kissing her. Her lips pulled mine open and her tongue darted lightly in and tagged mine. I fell into the dance perfectly. It was the first one I learned after all. You never forget your first. It'd had been over six months since I'd been with anyone and that had just been a quick stress reliever with a girl I knew at school; nothing more than physical. It had been over a year since I'd broken up with Anna and almost year before that since we'd kissed with any real affection. The world stopped. The universe is hung on such moments my friend. Hung in space and time like tapestries. I almost wish it could have lasted forever. But it couldn't. She was getting married today. To someone else. I carefully pulled away from her. Not abruptly; not in a way that was mean, or cruel. I gently pushed her away at the shoulders. She still clung to me. "Kimmy," I said, very softly, in a voice that had been hers alone. I hadn't used it in four years. I had no trouble finding it. Anna had never gotten a voice. She opened her eyes, and there were tears. I reached up and dabbed them before they could ruin her make up. "Take me away, Jack, take me with you right now," she said, heartache and longing in her voice. I took a moment to collect myself. "You don't mean that," I said gently. She looked away, "God, I still love you, can't you see that?" she pleaded quietly. Now it was my turn for my heart to break. Ancient history indeed. "And I love you Kimmy. But not like this, not any more," I lied. I did. I loved her. Or at least it felt like I did during the kiss. Maybe I never did get over her. Maybe Anna had fucked my head and heart up and I'd never really wanted to break up with Kimmy in the first place. Maybe I was just fucked up and alone and wanted this back. Maybe I was just an idiot after all. Fuck if I know anything about anything. She looked at me and her eyes begged me. I gently pushed her to arms length and then took a step backward myself. "I can't Kimmy, don't ask me to do this. It'll ruin both of us," I said at last. She looked down. "God Jack, what am I doing? I don't love Todd, not the way I love you," she said in anguish. "No, not like me. And I'll never love anyone the way I loved you. But that doesn't mean you can't love someone else just as strongly," I said. It sounded like something I'd heard from a movie once. She sniffled, and dabbed her eyes, trying not to smear her make up too, "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday?" she quoted, and I grinned broadly. I'd made her watch Casablanca with me over winter break our senior year. She remembered. "Exactly," I said. She sighed. "Why do you have to be so fucking great?" she said and messed with my tie again. "Genetics," I said, suddenly thinking of my father. I wonder if he'd gone through anything like this before he married mom. I wished I could ask him. She smiled softly. "I liked your dad a lot. He treated me like a princess," she said very softly, affectionately. The just for me voice. I swallowed past my throat lump, "You were his son's first girlfriend. You were a princess. You still are," I said. I was getting hoarse. Tears were very close. She gave my tie a last little pet and then tucked it back down and smoothed it out. "You're the best friend, the best boyfriend, and the best lover a girl could ever hope for Jack Wallington. You deserve the best," she said. I could almost her her finish with, 'and that's not me'. It broke my heart. I almost did sweep her out of the window, down to my car, and off into the sunset right then. James, motherfucking, Bond... I leaned over and softly kissed her cheek. "I'll send your mom in. I see you out there," I said. She just nodded and looked away. I left while I still could make my feet move. Her mom was waiting out in the hall. I walked past without saying anything. Get while the getting is good and all that. Abby was waiting for me downstairs. She looked concerned. "How'd it go," she asked with worry in her voice, though for me or Kimmy I didn't know. "Ancient history," I said, and my voice cracked. "Oh Jack," she said softly, affectionately. I gave a heavy sigh and shook it off with a shudder. "I've got chairs to put up,' I said with a gruff voice. "I've got to get ready," she said reluctantly. "Tell the girls hello for me. I'm still wondering if it's not too late to get a bridesmaid dress," I said with enforced lightness in my voice. She giggled. "I will. See you after," she said. I nodded. I went back out, helped Mr. Allison and some of Kimmy's cousins with the chairs, and pretended I hadn't just wanted to run off with the bride. I think they all even believed me. I sat on Kimmy's side of the aisle with my mom a couple of rows back. It was hard watching Kim marry someone else. I had no idea it would be so hard. I mean. I was over her right? Ancient history. No, it was five minutes ago we were kissing on our first date; it was five minutes ago we were slow dancing in her bedroom, just the two of us, to our favorite song. My mother cried. I don't know why really, I guess it's a mom thing. But she squeezed my hand a lot during the ceremony. Maybe she was thinking it should have been me up there. I know I was. Maybe my mom knew that. My mom is pretty damn smart. There was no trace of hesitation on Kim's face when she said, "I Do." She was radiant in her joy. She either believed it, believed me, or sold it really well. Maybe she really was just that happy. I hope it was that. Todd looked pretty good too. Every guy dresses up well in a tux, but he looked every bit the part of the nervous but proud groom that one would hope one looks like at one's wedding. It was weird seeing him with a goatee though. And of course the rest of the girls looked amazing. Beth was stunning in her dress, weeping of course, and showing the perfect amount of cleavage. I swear it was her superpower. Abby wasn't crying, but she had a broad grin on her face. She quipped to make the audience laugh when there was a problem with the rings being tied down to their cushions too tightly. Anna looked pretty great too, but I had a hard time looking at her without a dark cloud of turbulent feelings welling up from my gut. It was still too soon, too much bad history. I wondered if we could ever be friends again. I spent a lot of time wondering that question actually. Not about Anna specifically, but if you can actually go back to being friends after sleeping with someone. It's the subject of a dozen or more romantic comedies, but they all seem to think the best friends end up married at the end of the film, despite any setbacks. Real life is a different story. If this was a movie, I would have run off with Kimmy and we'd be half way to Vegas by now. The credits would roll as she threw her bouquet of flowers to Elvis, the audience would cheer, the girls would wipe their eyes, and the guys would go home and get lucky if they played their romantic cards right. But this wasn't a movie. Kimmy and Todd kissed, the crowd cheered, and they were husband and wife. The reception was nice. I slow danced with Kimmy, but we both kept our distance and didn't get too close, physically or emotionally. I smiled and joked, she smiled a lot and laughed. We both pretended nothing had happened earlier in the bridal room. That was uncharacteristically smart of me I think. I usually make pretty bad decisions with a girl in my arms. I shook Todd's hand and congratulated him. He was a good guy now. He had a job working as a mechanic at a restoration shop; a good job. Hell, he'd probably make better money than I would as a high school teacher, and I was about to graduate from Stanford. He'd taken a few classes at the local community college. He wasn't the kid that had stolen my Heavy Metal magazine and thrown me in a dumpster. That at least, really was ancient history. And that felt pretty good. I also danced with Beth, Abby, and my mother. Not Anna though. Neither of us even tried for it. She never made eye contact with me even once. All in all it was a nice reception. Nothing wild. Maybe we were all grown ups now. It's a weird feeling when the first of your high school gang ties the knot. It's its own kind of commencement I suppose. As things were winding down, Abby came up from behind me were I was sitting near the sidelines on my fifth or sixth glass of champagne. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and said, "You did a good thing, Jack." "Hmm?" I said, shaking off thoughts I shouldn't have been thinking. I was watching Kimmy and Todd do some sort of silly dance that was making both of them and all their onlookers laugh. "Not running off with Kimmy today. That was a good thing," she said again and sat down next to me. She stole my half-finished glass of champagne and drained it down. "Who says that's..." I started to protest. "I know that's why she wanted to see you. Kimmy is pretty damn easy to read. She doesn't have a dishonest bone in her fae-like, big bird body." I Am Jack's Life Ch. 14 I smirked. That was kind of funny. At least on six glasses of champagne. Abby grinned at me, "I know you wanted to as well. I know you've been playing what if with it all day. You're even easier to read than she is." I sighed. I couldn't lie to any of my friends. Abby least of all. Girl was way too damn smart. "Hey, that's what I am right? The nice guy. The guy that tutors a girl that he's got no chance with, and dances with his ex at her wedding to the guy that terrorized him as a kid." Abby made a face and looked around for a champagne bottle that still had something in it. "Bah, now that is ancient history. You aren't that guy anymore. You could have any single girl here in a snap of your fingers," she said and found a bottle with a couple of swigs left in it. I glanced at Beth. She was dancing with her boyfriend from USC. He was probably going to get drafted next year. Yeah, I totally missed Abby's signal. I'm kind of stupid that way. I just sighed and took the bottle from her and killed it. "When are you headed back to San Francisco?" she asked after a second. "Tomorrow evening. My flight leaves LAX at 7:50." She smiled, "Southwest?" I nodded. "That's mine too," she grinned. I smiled. She stood up and grabbed my hands, "Let's slip away Jack, I wanna hit the town before I go back to my hotel room and feel like an old maid because one of my best friend's just tied the knot and I'm still a spinster." I got and tossed the empty champagne bottle in the trash, "Lead the way Abigayle, I've been ready to leave for hours." She smiled at me, and it was her smile that said she knew something I didn't. It was a pretty common smile for her. I said goodbye to my mom and told her Abby and I were going to go be irresponsible adults. She told me to make sure I called a cab and didn't try to drive. I promised her I would and I wouldn't. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and a sad smile. I bet she was missing dad. Which made me miss him too. Abby grabbed my arm and drug me away. We didn't tell anyone else we were leaving, we just left. The single people. I guess we could have told Anna, but that would have ruined my evening. Not, that I remembered anything from that evening at all. # Sunlight woke me. Blinding me in the way that a welding torch in your eye is kind of hot. I twitched a little and that send waves of rumbling foulness in my guts. My mouth was full of cotton balls the size of Volkswagens. Someone had put a forty pound anvil on my head and it was slowly compressing my skull in a way that suggested any further movement on my part would have dire consequences. Tequila. I remembered Tequila. I started to roll onto my back, but I ran into something hard and lumpy. Mustering all the will I had, I turned and cracked an eye and looked over my shoulder. Abby was sprawled out on the bed. We'd changed before going out, and she was in the little black dress she'd put on so she didn't have to go clubbing in her bridesmaid outfit. She looked thoroughly unconscious. Oh fuck, what had we done? The need to either vomit or urinate was pretty overwhelming at this point, so I didn't try to think about anything else just yet. I didn't turn on the light in the bathroom, so I could pee in blessed darkness. The sound of the unending stream of piss hitting the water was loud enough without the infernal white noise of the fan. I splashed some water on my face. Jesus Christ, I'd never been this hung over before. Not even after four years at Stanford. It must have been the champagne I'd started with at the reception. I drank about a gallon of water directly from the faucet. I stumbled back out into the room, which I now processed was Abby's hotel room. She was sitting up on the bed looking like killing herself was a viable option. I rubbed my face and croaked, "Did we..?" I asked. She shook her head, "I already did the panty check. Still on and intact. We're good." She gave a sloppy thumbs up. I nodded. Well that was a relief at least. She got up and pushed past me into the bathroom. I noticed that she also did not use the light or fan, so I could hear her peeing through the door. Sounded as if I wasn't the only one with a full bladder. "Oh god," she said through the door, her voice almost orgasmic in relief. I couldn't help it, I laughed. But that was quite unpleasant, so I stopped almost right away. "What did we do last night?" I asked her, still through the closed door. "Drank all of the tequila in L.A. I'm pretty sure. You're kind of hard to keep up with," she replied. The toilet flushed and the faucet came on. "Me?" I asked. "Yes you. I've heard about you Stanford boys before, but never seen it in action until last night. We were drinking for school pride," she opened the door, she was drying off her face. That explains it a little I think. She and I'd had a Berkeley vs Stanford thing going on for quite a while. I leaned my head back against the wall with a thunk. "God I don't think I've ever been this hung over," I moaned. "Well, that's probably because after the tequila, we started doing Irish car bombs." I winced. "After a few rounds of the Irish car bombs we started doing shots of Jack, I think because your name is Jack, and that was funny as hell," she eased herself back onto the bed and laid down. "Jesus Christ, how are we not in the hospital?" I mused out loud. "You think if we went to the hospital now they would euthanize me?" she asked with a little whimper. "I feel like shit," I said. "Come back to bed. We have five hours until our flight. Let's spend it sleeping," she said, her eyes closed. I eyed the bed. She patted the bed beside her. I went and laid down next to her. I closed my eyes and slept for another four hours. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 15 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** My graduation from Stanford was great, but it was not the same as high school. I graduated magna cum laude, with a 3.8 GPA, and gave my dissertation on the lack of math training required of math teachers in schools today. Went over well I think. Commencement was hard without my Dad. My mother of course flew up and was there, as were a number of my aunts and uncles and my grandparents. But my dad wasn't. I had decided to wait before going right into graduate school. I was tired of school. Which is weird I guess, considering I was planning on making a career of being in a school. But after sixteen years of non-stop studying and maintaining a high GPA. I needed a break. Abby graduated with a degree in photojournalism, which was pretty awesome really. Her parent's were still happy for her - even though she wasn't becoming a lawyer. Beth graduated from USC with Media Communications and Anna with a business degree from Stanford. We still hadn't spoke since our final break up though. The question then, was what was I going to do now? I could start looking for a teaching job of course, but I wasn't ready for that yet either. I still had battle fatigue in a major way from school. I wasn't exactly eager to jump into the work force and start the last train to adulthood. I was twenty-two years old. I had a great degree and a good chance at getting picked up on a substitute rotation for the LA School District; or anywhere really. But I was just tired. My body was tired, my brain was tired; I'd left it all out on the field to bring it home the last term. I had a decent savings and I'd managed to make it through school with nothing in student loans thanks to the life insurance from my father, scholarships, and grants. So there was no immediate need to jump into working. No, I was definitely going to take a break. "No, I am definitely going to take a break," I said. Abby, Beth, and I were having some post graduation drinks down at a pub we'd started going too. It was in LA, not far from Beth and her boyfriend's apartment and Abby and I had moved back from San Francisco last week. "Jack Wallington, what are you going to do without school?" smirked Beth. She was wearing a light summer dress, as was typical for her, because of course it displayed her cleavage perfectly. Her brunette hair was still as long as it had been in high school, and she was as good looking as ever. Better really, because a sixteen year old girl can be pretty dam cute, even stunningly beautiful. But a twenty-two year old woman can be sexy in a way that a teenage girl just can't. I shrugged, "I don't know, and right now that's kind of the point." Abby sipped her cocktail through a straw. "I'm going to travel," she announced. Beth and I looked at her with raised eyebrows. She set her drink down on the table we were sitting around, "Yeah, Europe probably. Maybe China and Korea." I raised both my eyebrows. "Wow, good for you!" Beth said, and then her face twisted into a wistful expression, "I wish I could go! But I've got a to get a job, my student loans kick in really soon and I'm going to be barely keeping my head above water." Abby shrugged, "Tell that man of yours to hurry up and get signed, then you'll never have to work again." Beth was still dating her football player. Or maybe it was a different one. I didn't keep track. Beth looked down at the table and spun her glass in circles. She had a weird embarrassed look. Abby looked at me, "What about you Jack, want to travel the world with me?" she said. Her green eyes locked onto mine. I had been about to laugh it off. Seriously, I couldn't see myself just up and... Actually. I did have a good sized savings. My dad had plenty of foresight, so not only had the house been paid off, and most of my student debt erased; but my mom had sold the house and moved into a smaller condo. She hadn't been able to handle leaving in our old place by herself. She was a lot happier now. She'd given me a good chunk of the money from the sale, even though I'd told her not too. Also it wasn't like I'd stopped earning money in school. I'd made pretty good money as a tutor. I didn't want to stay with my mom in her tiny condo, which is where I was currently crashing, but I didn't want to run out and get a job and a place either. I had no ties. There was no reason I couldn't do this. Both of the girls were looking at me expectantly. "You know, why the fuck not. I'm in," I said. Abby broke into a broad grin and Beth just looked at me in shock. I explained everything to them I just had gone over in my head. Abby put her hands up and cheered, "Yay! I hadn't wanted to go alone and now my best friend is coming with me! This is going to be awesome!" Her best friend. Not - 'one of'. Beth and Abby had been friends since kindergarten. Beth had apparently noticed too, because her smile faded for just an instant, but she recovered quickly. "So where first? I figured I was just going to get a backpack, put whatever I could fit on it, and catch a plane overseas; figure things out as I went. But I'm game if you want to plan things out a little better. I mean I know you have to plan everything, Mr. Organized." Abby started chattering excitedly. I hadn't seen her this excited in a long time. She was normally the most reserved of all the girls when it came to expressing emotions. Maybe because she'd never been a cheerleader. I laughed at her, "Well, first I need to get my passport, that'll take a few weeks, so we can talk about ideas while waiting on that. We don't have to plan every minute, but I'd like to have some idea where we are going, besides 'The World'," I chuckled. Abby and I spent the rest of the night throwing ideas out, each one wilder than the next. We were closing the pub down when it started to hit me: I was really going to do this. I was going to just take off and travel the world. It was intensely exciting and scary at the same time. The three of us stood around outside as they shut the place down behind us. Abby stuck out her hand for a cab, and it pulled up. It was one of those new hybrid Prius cabs that were starting to show up in LA. It looked like the car of the future and it sounded strange for a car, all whispers and whirs. It was cool. I was a bit tipsy. "Share a cab?" Abby asked me she started to get in. "Actually, Abby, I was hoping Jack could walk me home. It's only a couple of blocks, but this is still LA," Beth said. Abby frowned a little, like she was suddenly suspicious, but then she shrugged, "Suit yourself. Call me tomorrow okay?" she said to me. I nodded, "Will do. You can help me figure out what to pack." Abby grinned again, and then got into the cab. I wish I'd gotten in the cab with her. The cab drove off and I offered my arm to Beth. She took it and smiled. We started walking back to her apartment. We went slow and didn't rush. It was a beautiful summer night in LA. Just like all nights in LA. "So, you're really going to do this?" she asked after a moment. "Travel the world with Abby?" I nodded, getting a twinge of something like butterflies in my stomach, "Yeah, yeah I think I am. I really do need a break, and this'll be a once in a life time opportunity." She slipped her other arm around mine. "I'm so jealous of Abby," she said after a few more steps. I chucked, "Yeah, it must be nice to just not have to worry about money at all. I'm only getting to do this because of unique circumstances." She shook her head, "No, of getting to do it with you." she said softly. Ah hell. I turned to look at her. She didn't look at me. "I've been thinking a lot since Kimmy's wedding,' she said, "I only have one regret from school." This conversation was rapidly going someplace I wasn't ready for. "You." She sighed, "I should have just swallowed my damn pride and asked you out from the beginning. When you kissed me before our eighteenth birthday party." Disbelief. I was in disbelief. "You ran away like I'd grown tentacles." I tried to laugh it off. This was not happening. "I was scared. Terrified - and ashamed. I liked you a lot. I mean a lot. I thought about you all the time. But I was so conceited, so caught up in my self image. I was afraid what people would think..." she said. I frowned. "So I ran, I pushed you away. And I was so self-absorbed I was honestly shocked when you ended up with Kimmy. I think I figured you'd always be there. Then you and Kimmy stayed together the whole year. I'd wanted to go to prom with you so bad, but you and Kimmy just kept getting closer." I stared at the ground. This conversation was eerily familiar, all that was missing was the sound of the surf. She sighed, "And then fucking Anna. I wanted to punch that girl when she stole you away from Kimmy. Abby and I both knew the two of you were going behind Kimmy's back." I winced. "That wasn't all Anna, I made bad choices there too," I said. "And by the way, that was the only time in my life I've ever been disappointed in you, I couldn't believe you were cheating on your girlfriend. On Kimmy - who was your friend long before she was your girlfriend," Beth said. Guilt twisted me up once again. I don't think it ever won't. I sighed, "I wish I'd never had. Anna was the biggest mistake of my life." Beth just shook her head, "No, we need our mistakes to grow. That took me a long time to figure out. I guess I'm still figuring it out. I'm just glad she didn't drag you down with her. You know she's in rehab now right?" I felt a stab of guilt. I hadn't known that. "Not just alcohol. Pills too. I drove her to check in to a place just a few days ago," Beth finished. Holy shit. God Anna, I should have been there. I should have... "Stop it Jack, I can see plain as day on your face you're thinking you could have saved her. You couldn't have. Not without losing yourself," Beth said firmly. I sighed and kick a piece of trash. She was right of course. But it didn't help with the guilt. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, after all these years. I wish things had been different between you and I. I'm not confessing my unspoken love for you. But I wish, I desperately wish I'd given us a chance, you know?" I closed my eyes a second. Beth Jenkins, the object of uncountable teenage fantasizes, both erotic and romantic, was saying she'd wanted us to have a chance. We reached the door to her apartment building and we stopped, turning to face each other. "I just wanted to say that before you left with Abby," she said and played with the collar of my shirt. "I don't have to go..." I offered. She shook her head, "God - yes you do. You're right, this is once in a lifetime, Jack. And I'm still with Kurt. I care about him a lot. Even love him. We don't know what you and I would have. I just wanted to say something, finally." I sighed. I had nothing to say. I had a thousand things I wanted to say, but I said none of them. We can never measure the impact of choices not made, or the echoes of words not said. Then she leaned up and kissed my cheek. I stopped her as she pulled away and kissed her lips. She didn't pull away. Soon we were wrapping our arms around her and the world fell away. Stars were born around us and hung up in tapestry of the universe to shine. And then I was roughly pulled away by a gigantic hand on my shoulder. "Just what the fuck, are you doing with my girlfriend asshole?" Oh right, Kurt Johnson. Starting halfback for UCLA. We'd been standing outside her apartment. Hey that was pretty dumb. "Kurt don't!" Beth started to shout. Then I saw some of those stars we'd just given birth too, even through the light haze that hung over LA at night. Maybe it's just because he'd hit me hard enough to knock me flat on my ass. "Get out of here motherfucker, before I beat your ass!" he said. I struggled to stand up. There were still dots swimming in my eyes. "Jack, I'm sorry! Please just go!" Beth said as the wall of meat drug her up the stairs and into the apartment door. "Wait, Beth..." I coughed. I swayed to my feet. The door slammed and then I was standing alone on the street. What the fuck had just happened? # "That's a hell of a shiner," Abby said the next morning as she handed me a cup of coffee. "I guess Kurt drew the wrong conclusion when she gave me a kiss on the cheek," I lied, "Guy's fists are the size of mac trucks," I said and blew on the steaming liquid. It was mostly true. His fists were approximately the size of small dump trucks. Probably helped with handling a football. Abby just smirked. She sat down at the bar stool and one of her tanned legs slid out of her short robe and was exposed up to her thigh. She sipped her own coffee and pulled over a bunch of travel books and maps. She was staying at the beach house. Her parents were off traveling somewhere and like me she was an only child. I guess she just preferred it here to her parent's closed estate track house. Not like I could blame her. I sat down on the stool next to her. Abby said nothing more about my black eye, or how I'd gotten it, and we spent the rest of the day looking at maps, travel books, and day dreaming. I managed to put the kiss with Beth out of my head. I was getting pretty good at doing that actually. I'd had some practice over the years. It was a good day. We ate lunch on the deck - take out Chinese - and daydreamed about what we'd order if we were in Beijing right then. We played in the ocean and fantasied about splashing around in the Mediterranean along the south of France. We traveled the whole world in a day. To do everything we talked about would take years, but it didn't really matter, it was the talking about it that was fun. I headed back to my mom's condo that night. I told her what Abby and I were planning. She acted both excited and worried for me, as moms can. In less than week I had my passport. It was a lot easier back then. This was before 9-11. I sold off a lot of my stuff; finally got rid of the car I'd had since my junior year. Dad had bought it for me. I sold it to Mr. Allison for Kimmy's youngest sister, who was just graduating from high school. Girl had turned out to be a certified hottie, just like her sister. She asked me if Kimmy and I had ever 'gotten busy' in the car. I just smirked at her behind her dad's back. She laughed. I went through the process of boiling down everything I was going to take into a single backpack. We had no idea what travel arrangements we were going to have to make on the road, so we kept things simple; which is actually pretty damn hard. I spent days trying to anticipate any needs I would have on the road and weigh them against what would actually fit. Everything I didn't sell or wasn't taking with me got boxed up and put in storage. I paid for six months in advance. We got our plane tickets; as an early birthday gift to me, Abby bought mine. First Class non-stop to London. And that was it. We were set. All there was to do now was wait for our flight, which was in a week. We'd be arriving on the first of August, and the plan was to spend a few weeks in the UK, then hop over the channel to the continent; maybe spend another month to six weeks there, then fly out of whenever we were on or about the second week of September to either home, or China, depending on our level of travel fatigue and the state of our funds. I had done some careful calculating and figured I could afford about 50-80 bucks a day. Abby promised me we'd be keeping things low-key and not spending a lot of time in expensive hotels or clubs. The idea was to stretch as far as we could and see as much as we could; not blow everything in a whirlwind jet-setter tour. I have no idea what Abby's budget was, but her parents were much happier about the trip once they knew I was going. Not only would Abby not be traveling alone, but I was the one all the parent's loved. I'm pretty sure her own budget was much higher than mine, but I didn't want to be leaning on her for money. I wanted to support myself. The night before our flight, it was just the two of us and my mother. We'd decided not to have a big send off for a lot of reasons, but I had subtly waved off inviting Beth. I wasn't ready to see her again. Kimmy of course had called and gushed about how lucky we were and how jealous she was. Oh, also, she was pregnant That's what I was thinking about when my mother took away my and Abby's dishes from the small kitchen table in her new condo. I picked up my wine glass and finished off the last of the red. It really was pretty good, even at only fifteen bucks and not the two hundred bucks a bottle that was in Abby's parent's wine cellar. "Penny for your thoughts, fellow traveler," Abby said, setting her own glass down. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 15 "Too many for just one cent," I said with a chuckle. Abby smiled. My mother came back and poured the last of that bottle into my and Abby's glasses. "Trying to get us sloshed before we have to wake up at six am and fly out?" I said with a smirk. It was weird to drink in front of my mother, but she's the one who had uncorked the bottle. My mother just smiled, "It'll help you actually get some sleep. I never could get any before a long flight," she said. She sat down and picked up her own glass, which was still half full. "You know, at first I was a bit concerned you kids were doing this. I mean, gosh, it was only yesterday you kids were going to prom, and just a couple of days before that your father was teaching you to drive," she said, staring into the red liquid. She always got that look in her eye when she talked about dad. It'd been nearly five years now, but that didn't matter, the look was always there. Abby spoke up, "Didn't Jack run over the trash can?" I blushed, and my mother chuckled, "Yes, he did, but his father just ran out of the car, picked it up and got back in, pretty soon they were driving down the street just as easy as you please." Abby grinned and looked over at me out of the corner of her eye. She'd cut her hair short for easier management. Overnight she'd gone from long auburn hair she'd been growing out since our junior year, back to the shorter just off her shoulders length it'd been when we first met. I met her eye and grinned back. My mother gave a heavy sigh again and said, "And now you kids are off to Europe after graduating college. Kim is married and has a baby on the way... It all happens so fast. What happened to the five awkward teenagers gathered on my front lawn for Junior prom pictures?" "Only I was awkward, Mom, the girls were the picture of poise," I said and took a sip of my wine Both my mother and Abby just laughed. "Oh you all were, in your own different ways, but you all grew up; handsome and beautiful young adults on the cusp of life," she said. "Aw, Ellen, that was very poetic," Abby said. She sounded sincere. My mother smiled at her and reach over and covered Abby's hand with hers. My mother was fifty, and Abby was just barely twenty-three; but they seemed to me to be not so far apart. I wondered where I would be at fifty. It felt very far away. But then, twenty-one had seemed far away at fifteen; and now that had passed in the blink of an eye. "You know, Jack's father and I did something like this when he graduated college. Oh not Europe, but we took a road trip up to Alaska that summer. It was amazing. The best summer of my life. That's why I'm glad you kids are doing this. As frightened as I am of my baby flying half way around the world, I know you two will have a wonderful time." Abby smiled at her, "Were you guys married then?" she asked. My mother smirked, "Nope, we weren't even dating, he was just my best friend." I frowned a little, "Didn't dad propose to you in Anchorage?" My mother's eyes twinkled at me, "Yes. Yes he did." she said. Abby blushed. So did I. "That reminds me," she said and stood up, "was going to give this to you years ago, and then again at graduation, but I held off. I'm glad I did, because it seems the perfect thing to give you now." she walked over to her small writing desk and got a small box. She brought it back to the table and opened it up. Inside was my father's pocket watch. They'd bought it on that Alaska trip out of a little five and dime store he and my mother had found. It wasn't fancy, but the outside was engraved with a sand dollar design. I got crazy choked up at the sight of it. I hadn't seen it in years. "I bought this for your father on that trip. When he'd lost his watch the previous day fishing in a river. I want you to have it. For luck." she said and pressed it into my hand. "Mom, I..." I had no words. I glanced up at Abby and her eyes were glistening on the edges. She picked up her wine glass and drained the last of it. I got up and wrapped my arms tight around my mother. "I shouldn't take this," I said after we let go of each other, "I'd hate to lose it." My mother shook her head, "Nonsense, it's a luck gift. Just keep it with you and everything will be fine," she forced a smile. I smiled back and held the watch tight in my hand. She covered my hand with hers and gave it a little squeeze, and then got up, "Alright you kids, to bed. We all have to get up ungodly early in the morning to get you guys off!" she clapped her hands together. We got up, finished the dishes quickly, and went to bed. # "Yeah, we're definitely lost," I said. I looked at the road sign. I think it might have been in German. Which was disconcerting, considering I'd thought we should have been in Belgium. Abby moved the rocks that were holding down our map on the hood of the car we'd rented in Paris two days ago and bent over to more closely examine the roads. She was wearing just a tank top and a pair of cut off shorts, and her long tan legs extended out behind her to her sandals. She absently chewed on her lower lip as she considered the map. It was a bright summer day, the weather was just about perfect, and there wasn't a cloud in sight. "Well, I'll make lunch then," I said after she didn't respond for a minute. "M'kay. I call dibs on the last of that cheese we got, the good stuff from Paris," she said without looking up. "'That' cheese? You mean my cheese? That I bought for me?" I clarified, opening the trunk (or, the 'boot' as they called it here) and getting out the small cooler we'd picked up when we decided to rent a car to drive to Denmark. Abby just looked over and gave a wicked grin, peering at me over the tops of her sunglasses, "The cheese. It's The cheese. Group expedition cheese, purchased for the intended purpose of nourishment to famished travelers," she said. "Of which I am one. So yeah. I call dibs." I just chuckled and shook my head. Sometimes it was really obvious she'd grown up with lawyers. We were three weeks into our trip. We'd spent three days in London, then took a train up to see the highlands and Edinburgh. Then we'd stayed a couple of nights in Inverses after taking a boat tour of Loch Ness, then we'd taken a bus back to Wales, which Abby had insisted was the actual location of Sherwood forest. I wasn't sure I believed her, but it was a fun few days. Then we were back to London. We went to a play at the Globe (Henry the IV part I, that was awesome) and took a ferry over the channel to Belgium. We'd hung out a couple of days and then taken another train to Paris. Four days of art museums and bistros and we'd decided that we should probably head north and see northern Europe before fall set in (we were Californians after all. When it dips below 70, we get cold) and swing south to spend fall on the Mediterranean. We'd been taking trains, buses, and boats everywhere, so we (okay, Me, it was me) got the crazy idea to rent a car and drive up there at our own pace. It was the middle of day two on the road, and we were either in Germany, or Belgium, or maybe Switzerland. I was positive we were still in Europe. Probably. So far it had been an amazing trip. I made sandwiches with The cheese, splitting it evenly between them, and came around to the front of the car and handed her one. She inspected it for cheese and then smirked, biting into it. As she chewed, she said, "Okay, so I think we're still on the right road, we're just farther than I thought we were. I think that town..." she pointed at the road sign that was probably in German, "is this one." She pointed at a dot on the map half way through Germany. "How did we get that far though?" "Because lead foot, you keep going 'Miles Per Hour' when the road signs are all in 'Kilometers Per Hour'." she said, swallowing her sandwich. "Ah." I took a bite. That was damn good cheese, how come they didn't have cheese this good in the states? "You are such a California driver." She laughed. "Hey now, Pot, kettle, black. I seem to recall you introducing those Parisians to the idea of a 'rolling stop' on our way out of Paris," I said defensively. "Those totally didn't look like stop signs," she said with a huff. She folded up the map and hopped up to sit on the hood of our car. She looked out over the green farmland. It was gorgeous here. She dusted crumbs off her hands and then gave a familiar sigh. "Camera?" I said. "Camera," she answered. I slowed down my lunch. We'd be here a while now. She hopped down and crawled into the car. I was afforded a very nice look at her toned behind and legs as she extended herself into the back seat from the front. She retrieved her camera equipment and came back out. She started setting up her tripod and camera. I'd brought along a bag of clothes, some toiletries, a global cell phone for emergencies, and a pretty decent camera. But other than that I was pretty lean. Abby had one bag that was nearly identical to mine; clothes, toiletries, cell phone, plus a couple of other things girls brought. And she'd brought along a camera bag. Abby's camera was top of the line. She'd have to tell you the specs, I don't remember, she constantly buys new ones, and I don't remember what she'd brought on that trip. But it was a nice one, and she had light meters and all kinds of fancy gadgets to go with it, plus half a dozen lenses. I finished up my lunch leisurely while she did her thing, taking what were probably going to be some awesome panoramic shots, plus one of me leaning against the hood of our rental car solo, and then she set up the timer and ran over to pose with me. We did that a lot. You get pretty good at timing ten seconds, and waving at just the right moment. We packed up again and rolled on. Even though there hadn't been a cloud in the skies at lunch. It was pissing rain by the time we got to the village we'd planned on seeking lodging in that night. There was a single bed and breakfast listed in the travel book we'd used. We figured that it would be pretty safe since it was so out of the way. Obviously, they were full. Of course we got soaked just running between the cat and the office as well. "Okay," I said, as we quickly hopped back in the car. "I think he said there is a hostel we can stay at just up the road about five kilometers." "Your German is that good?" she asked wringing water out of her hair. "No, but I recognized 'five' and 'kilometer'. He was speaking English, just with a thick accent," I said. Rain pounded off of the car like someone was spraying a fire hose at it. "Okay, lets just go," she said. She was starting to shiver. She was still in her tank top and shorts. They had both gotten completely soaked. I couldn't help notice the color of her bra was green. I started up the car again and we pulled out slowly again into the darkening sky. Five kilometers turned out to be closer to fifteen, but we finally found the place I was pretty sure the old guy had been talking about. It at least had a 'vacancy' sign in the window, which was good enough. I ran in to check, and they did in fact have a single room available. Without any other questions I took it. We had to pull the car around to the side, but it was still a good twenty feet between the door and the car. Abby insisted that we not leave anything (especially her camera bag) in the car, so we made the trip laden down with our bags, and the cooler. There was no running in the slick mud. By the time she got the door open. We were both drenched to the bone. She opened up the room and turned on the light. I suppose I should have been grateful there was electricity. The room was tiny. I mean, I'm pretty sure Abby had closets that were bigger. There was a single twin sized mattress that took up the whole of one wall and stuck halfway out into the room. I'm not kidding, a twin bed took up half the room. There was no bed frame, and the mattress and box springs were flat on the ground. The carpet was probably not brown prior to World War I, but now it was pretty much the color of the mud outside. There was a door to a bathroom which I could reach from the standing outside the room. "How much did you pay for this?" Abby asked incredulously as she stepped inside. "As long as there's hot water in that shower I don't care, it was worth it," I said, and scooted in behind her to shut the door to the elements. The single light bulb in the ceiling dimmed and flickered when I shut the door. Abby just looked up at it then down at the bed. "It's all they had," I said, trying to defend my purchase. She just shook her head and started to chuckle, "It's fine. Thanks for getting it." she said after a moment and set her stuff down. I loved that about her. Anna or even Kimmy would still be complaining. Abby just accepted things at face value. "Want the shower first?" I offered. "Am I the guinea pig then?" she said turning around with a smirk. I had to grab her elbow and ease her off so she didn't bump into me as she turned, the conditions were pretty tight. "Sorry," she said and looked down at my chest. Yeah, my tee shirt was thoroughly soaked too. I'm pretty sure she got just as much of an eyeful of me as I was of her. We adjusted our spacing, and I steadied myself by putting a hand on the ceiling for balance. I couldn't even straighten out my elbow more than half way. She opened the bathroom door an just laughed. There was a toilet, and a 'shower'. The 'shower' was a small tub about the size of the seat on an office chair, and a pipe coming out of the wall. Every tile was framed with rust and mildew. The bathroom probably was only three feet by four feet total in square footage. The ceiling was even lower. I probably wouldn't be able to stand up straight. I chuckled too. "Our European adventure," I said. That's what we said when something would go wrong, to remind ourselves it was only temporary and we could laugh about it once we were home. She giggled and said, "Move, I need to get my things out of my bag, there's no room to bring it in there to change," I nodded, and we adjusted positions again, shuffling things around. There was no way to avoid bumping into each other with three bags and a cooler taking up floor space that wasn't the bed. I didn't want to set the bags on the bed because they were wet... you get the idea. We played our little dance and she stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. The water came on with a rumble that shook the walls, and after a second, I heard Abby exclaim, "Yes! It's hot!" I gave a little cheer too. I started readjusting the bags on the floor to give us some more floor space. I had just finished piling all of the bags in ascending order of fragility, which meant the camera bag was on top, when Abby shrieked from the bathroom. It was maybe two minutes after the water had come on. I jerked open the door to see what happened and there was Abby, shampoo still in her face and in her eyes, trying desperately to shut the water off. "It's cold! It's cold!" she shrieked again and found the knob. "Well, okay then..." I said, and looked away from her nakedness. Luckily (or unfortunately?) her back had been to the door, so all I'd seen was her naked butt. "Close the door pervert!" she yelled at me. I shut the door. A few seconds later, the water came back on and the pipes rattled once more in the walls. Abby gasped loudly. She quickly finished her shower in what I imagine was a pretty cold experience. About two minutes later she came out, a towel tight around her body, and dropped her PJs on the floor. They impacted with a wet slopping sound. "The tub leaks," was all she said. Her face was unhappy. I looked away so she couldn't see me bite my lip to hold back laughter. She looked at the way I had stacked up our bags, and her clothing bag was on the bottom. She just sighed. "Can you get my bag out so I can get out something to sleep in at least?" her tone was quite annoyed, so I didn't argue. It took some maneuvering, and she had to stand back so I didn't bump into her. I managed to pull a dry shirt and pair of panties out for her, but I couldn't really get to the rest of her clean clothes. "That's fine," she said and took them. I turned around and she was starting to shiver. Her hair was still wet and clung to her neck and face in dark red tendrils. "You should, uhm, dry your hair off. I don't think it's helping with the chill," I offered helpfully. "There's only the one towel and right now it's covering the nakedness," she said, and pulled her panties on up and under the towel. I looked away politely Though now she had a dilemma. Pull the tee shirt on over her wet hair, or take the towel off to dry her hair with me standing there. "Turn around," she said, glaring at me. I turned around. "Abby, I've seen you in your black bikini, I think the only thing I haven't seen of your boobs is the color of your nipples," I said, still unable to keep the amusement out of my voice. "Well let's let somethings be a mystery shall we?" she replied testily. I could hear and feel her drying her hair off as the towel occasionally smacked me in the back of the head. I bit my lip again. She dropped the towel on my head. "Alright Don Juan, it's safe," she said with no attempt to hide her annoyance. I turned back around again. She'd pulled the tee shirt on and was standing there in white cotton panties and a fitted green shirt. Abby's breasts were not as large as Anna's, but they were much larger than Kimmy's. They stretched the shirt tightly and her nipples were very prominent with how cold she was. I looked back up and she was glaring at me. "Well," I said, blushing and clearing my throat, "Now I know the shape at least." I said with a mostly straight face. She pursed her lips together and punched me in the shoulder. I laughed, but so did she. "Your turn," I said and made a little twirling motion with my finger. She rolled her eyes and turned around. I took off my wet shirt and hung it on the door knob. I peeled out of my wet jeans and hung those up too. My boxers were damp, so I pulled them off too and hung them next to my jeans. I pulled out a clean pair from my bag and tugged them in place. There was no point in getting anything else out, so I just zipped up my bag and said, "Safe." She turned back around and I caught her staring at my chest. I was not the skinny kid I'd been at sixteen anymore. I had taken up exercising at Stanford as a way to spend time with Anna and I'd kept it up even after we'd broken up. I was six-one and a hundred and eighty five pounds of lean definition. I wasn't massive, but I wasn't chubby or skinny either. I'm pretty sure Abby gulped, which made me feel pretty good, nice to not be the only one staring. "You want the wall or the aisle," I asked, nodding toward the bed. "The aisle," she croaked out. She turned away, but I could see her blushing. We hadn't shared a bed since the evening of drunken debauchery after Kimmy's wedding - and that had hardly counted. That was on a queen sized bed with king sized hangovers. This was a tiny twin bed and no booze. "It's cool, we'll sleep with our backs to each other. Frankly I'm tired enough I'll just take the floor if it'll make you more comfortable," I said, trying to keep my tone light and friendly. "Don't be stupid. We've slept in the same bed before. We've known each other for years. We're adults," she said. I noticed her voice cracked slightly on the word 'adults'. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 15 "Everything is cool," she said. Though to herself or to me, I'm not sure. I nodded in agreement and climbed in to the bed. It creaked loudly. I got as far over next to the wall as I could and laid down facing it. There was one pillow. I tried not to use more than a corner of it. She looked down at the bed and just shook her head. "European adventure." She said under her breath. She flicked off the light switch and climbed into bed. She settled down with her back to me, which was cold, and her butt brushed the small of my back, and it was colder, and then her feet brushed mine, and they were icicles I hissed. "My feet are cold, sorry," she said. "Cold implies some where between freezing and cool. Your feet require the same handling equipment as liquid hydrogen," I gasped. She giggled and of course stuck them fully up against the back of my leg. Good god. I cowboyed up though, and took it like a man. "Good night Abbs," I said. "Night Jack," she replied. An hour later, I was still awake, and trying to roll off my aching side somewhere that wouldn't end up with me facing her back and putting my crotch against her ass, or pushing her entirely off the bed. After a few minutes, I felt her adjust her head slightly on the pillow A few minutes later I tugged the blanket down over my foot, which had become exposed. A couple of minutes later, she coughed lightly and tugged the blanket up on her shoulder; which exposed my foot again. A few minutes later I was wondering I had to pee, or was just really cold. I readjusted my head on the pillow. "Oh this is fucking stupid," she said and sat up. I leaned back to look over my shoulder at her. "Lay on your back," she said. I did, but I took up most of the bed. "Stretch out your arm under the pillow," she said, and pulled my arm out so it would extend to the edge of the bed. She lay back down and nestled herself up against me in a cuddling position, resting her head on my shoulder. She curled her leg up on top of mine and flopped her hand on my chest. "Better?" she asked. It really was a lot more comfortable. "Yes dear," I said with a smirk on my lips and in my voice. She flicked my nose lightly with her finger and snuggled in close. She was cold still, but soft against me. I put my other arm around her. After a minute I could feel her start to relax, and so did I. "You're warm," she said sleepily. I just nodded. Anna had constantly complained I made her sweat when she'd sleep next to me in her dorm or mine. She was drunk or hungover half the time though. We fell asleep pretty quickly after that. The next night, when we slept in a much larger hotel room, with a much larger queen sized bed, she curled up and cuddled with me at bedtime too. Neither of us said anything about it. Or the next night. Then we stopped asking for separate beds. Still no sex though, neither of us even made a move. I think who ever had probably would have been successful, but I was gun shy. I don't know what her reason was. # We spent a few days in Denmark, which was pretty cool; neat castles, then took a train to Budapest We shared a bed in the sleeper car too, that was easily smaller than the hotel in Germany had been, neither of us minded. I know I didn't. I don't know if it was the nightly cuddling, or just weeks with no one else to talk to but each other, but we became about as intimate of friends you can be without becoming lovers. We shared food, which is a normal friend thing, but usually not feeding bites to each other; Abby loved to feed me bites of whatever she was eating with her fingers. We would huddle when it was cold; she would snuggle up and slip her arms up inside my jacket, or I would put my arms around her from behind and hold her back up against my chest with my arms draped over her shoulders or around her stomach and up against the bottom of her breasts. We touched more, held hands often, and pretty much did everything lovers do besides kiss and have sex. It was a strange place, but also a comfortable one. She really was my best friend and I loved all the time we were spending together. We flirted too, but we'd always flirted lightly. She started responding more to my flirts though, giggling like a school girl, which was uncharacteristic of her normal behavior. It was fun, so I did it with increasing frequency. When we got to the Mediterranean we figured out that we'd be able to celebrate my birthday on a beach, just as we'd been doing for years, and that was a pretty neat idea. We'd been on the road for four weeks, and I'd be lying if I said travel fatigue wasn't setting in. I was thinking two weeks of moving along the med, then flying out from Spain after a couple of days in Barcelona. We had my birthday dinner in a little place right on the beach in Greece, and watched the sunset over the Aegean sea. We had little candles on our table sheltered from the very slight breeze in glass bowls, and the oldest named sea in recorded western history spread out before us; playing the reds and purples of the sky against the waves. The sound of the surf mingled with the sounds of the restaurant's other patrons and staff. Abby was looking out over the sea, thoughtfully leaned back in her chair. She was wearing the little black dress she'd brought for when we'd hit the occasional night club; which we'd done a few times in London, Paris, and Copenhagen. She looked amazing. Her tan had deepened and the frequent sun had brought out some red highlights in her auburn hair. It was a little dark out, but I stared at her eyes and knew there would be flecks of green and gold. Her eyes were more green than hazel, but sometimes you could find gold in them. "I should have brought a camera," she said with a wistful sigh. "I don't need one," I said softly. She looked back at me and bit her lower lip as the corners of her mouth turned up in a smile. She leaned forward on the table and gave me a fantastic display of her cleavage, which I'm positive was intentional. "Jack Wallington, are you coming onto me?" she said with a playful, yet sultry lilt to her voice. We were flirting a lot heavier these days. I just smiled and didn't bite on the playful tone. I shook my head, "No. Just saying I don't need a camera to remember this," I said simply. She studying my face for a minute and I held her gaze unwavering. I wasn't afraid of girls anymore. Not this one anyway. She broke away first and blushed, "God, I can never tell when you're teasing me or not anymore," she said in a very girlish display of embarrassed uncertainty, but also of playful delight. I just kept smiling. She looked back out of her corner of her eye, I was still making eye contact with her. She looked away again and blushed deeper, she hid her face in her hands and giggled, "Stop!" she protested in embarrassment. "What?" I said softly. "Looking at me like that," she bit her lip again. "Like what?" I said evenly, not changing my expression. "That," she said softly, "All sexy and self confident. Like you know a secret about me," I twisted my lips into a half smirk. She hid her face again and then was saved further torment by the waiter coming up with our food. We ate in silence, I caught her eyes as the waiter came back a little to pour us each more wine. Her eyes sparkled; literally fucking sparkled. It was probably the flickering candles on the table. We returned to our normal chatting over the rest of dinner but the eye contact was intense. We only had the single bottle of wine, because it was expensive and we were still on a budget. She'd wanted another, but I waved off, saying I wanted to be able walk back to our room upright. Which we did, arm in arm. She sighed, "Dammit," as we approached the hotel. I looked down at her, she was frowning, I thought she might have forgot something, so I glanced back in the direction of the restaurant "What?" I asked. She sighed again, "This... This isn't supposed to be happening." "What's not?" I asked, looking around to see if I was missing something. She turned and looked up at me, she was clearly troubled, it wasn't a fake flirty look. I began to get honestly concerned. "I'm... I'm not supposed to be falling for you," she blurted out. Erm? "Huh?" Yeah, sometimes that's all you got. "It was never going to be me. I knew that right from the start. It was going to be Beth, or Kimmy. I knew never Anna, but never me either. I was never going to fall for you, and I never did! All the way through eight years of school, I was always fine with whoever you were with, I never wanted to be anything but friends with you," she said. "Abby, we're not... it was just flirting earlier, I didn't..." I started to say. "I know! Dammit, don't you think I don't know that?! But fuck, here we are, it's so fucking stupidly romantic, and your so stupidly fucking sexy and amazing. Here I am wondering how I am going to get through another night next to you without having the most wild kind of passionate sex either of could possibly imagine, thinking it could only be topped by just..." I shut her up. I wrapped my arms right around her and kissed Abby for the first time. The world stopped. The Moon and The Sun and The Stars swirled around us, and this moment was hung on - well, you know. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I held her up against me by her slender waist, and we collided like heavenly bodies drawn together at the speed of light. James. Motherfucking. Bond. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 16 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** We stumbled into our hotel room and kicked it closed behind us. Clothes came off in rapid tugging and panting urgency. We fell onto the bed and twisted out naked bodies around each other. Let me pause a second. I had not started out intending to seduce her. It really had just been flirting. I hadn't even known I loved her. Not even when I grabbed her and kissed her to stop her talking. That had been a thing you do in the moment. James Bond and all that. It was a moment you couldn't just watch pass by. Then I kissed her. Then, she kissed me back. And in her kiss was the most desperate kind of need I've ever felt. It wasn't curiosity, It wasn't lust, it wasn't even need. It was pure longing. I felt like she had been waiting her whole lifetime for that moment, and I realized I had too. I'd always been close with Abby. She'd been my rock, my anchor; my best friend. Over the last month we'd discovered an intimacy not previously enjoyed together, and a joy in each others company I'd never experienced with anyone before. Not Kimmy, not ever Anna, not any of the other partners I'd had in college when physical desperation drove me to sate myself with a classmate just looking for company for a single night. In other words, I hadn't known until that moment how desperately I was in love with Abby. So when we fell into bed, our flesh pressing together and our hands and arms pulling any part of the other we could grab onto close, I wasn't thinking about just having sex with one of my friends. I wasn't thinking about how it'd been months since I'd gotten off with a partner, or the nights sleeping cuddled up with her had been a special kind of torment. I just - needed her. It's the kind of sex only the very lucky get once in a lifetime; your first time with your perfect partner. The person who needs you as impossibly as you need them; and there is no way to sate such need, only quench it temporarily. You can have a lifetime of fantastic sex with them, or even other partners, but you only ever get one first time with them. I'm telling you it will not be your first lover unless you're a lottery winner, but if you're smart, they'll be your last. Alright, enough talking. We fell onto the bed, and I wrapped my arms tightly underneath her back, elevating her up against me and holding her as close as I could without pulling her inside of me. She clung to my neck and tried to meld her lips and mouth to mine. Her hands tugged at my hair in the most provocative, needful way imaginable, and she ground her crotch against my cock. I was getting there. I knew that we'd both only have moments if I penetrated her right away; I wanted more. I held her off, barely, and kissed my way down to her breasts. I spent as much time as I could stand, licking and teasing each delightfully pink nipple. I looked up and gave her a smug grin. She gave me a lustful, but curious and questioning look in return. "Pink," I said simply. She bit her lips playfully and in a sexy, smug satisfied look of her own, "took you long enough Don Juan." she said breathily. "I wasn't in a rush." I said, and continued kissing down her tummy. She ran her fingers through my hair and practically purred with delight. When I got where I was going, I spread her legs apart with my hands and began licking slowly, tauntingly. She was already very wet, and I was not in a rush to bring her off just yet. I wanted to torment her first. She rolled her hips provocatively against me, but synced with my motions and moaned. She continued to grasp large handfuls of my hair in her fingers, only to let my hair slip away and then grab another handful. She rolled her hips and watched me the whole time, teasing herself with my tongue as much as I teased her. Goddamn, I'd never had a partner who played back at me when I did this. I was blown away by her sex play. I've done this many times, but this was my favorite, of all the times before or since. I made love to her with my mouth. When, finally, neither of us could stand it anymore. She came in crashing, cascading crescendos against me, arching her back fully up off the bed and crying out loudly with each wave, no shame or shyness in her volume. She announced to the inhabitants Mediterranean sea, that I was in fact making her come. She finally came down, I was more than ready to go another round and make her do that amazing thing again, but she pulled me up and held my face in place with both hands so she could kiss, and suck every part of my lips and tongue for what felt like minutes. As our breathing returned to normal, she reached down between us and stroked me. I'd lost my erection while I'd been so focused on her, but she quickly fixed that minor dilemma. I was ready again in seconds, and she guided me into her. As much as I wanted to bury myself in her. I entered her slowly, again, teasing both of us, prolonging this as long as possible. She held my gaze the whole time, only fluttering her eyes to look down at my lips once or twice as I bit them with the effort of maintaining the slow, multiple stroke pace into her. And then I was there, all the way inside of Abby. She wasn't looking at me any more. She had her eyes closed and turned away as she pulled her arms above her head and buried her face in the crook of her arm in ecstasy. I went slow for as long as I could stand it, which I think we just about as long as she could as well. Then we collided together again and exploded into each other. I don't know if she started and that triggered me, or I started and that triggered her. But it was amazing. I don't think I was very quiet; and for the record I usually am. I know she certainly wasn't. When it was over, we lay panting; catching our breath. I smirked at her and asked, "So, was that what you'd call the most wild kind of passionate sex you can possibly imagine?" She ran her finger along the bridge of my nose and kissed me slowly. "No," she panted, "But give us a few times Jack, we'll get there." Oh yeah, I was in love. # Sunlight woke me. Warmth spread across my face and golden red light flooding through my closed eyes. Outside I could hear the surf lapping against the sand. The village we were staying in had been awake for hours. I could hear children playing football in the street, shouting at each other joyfully in a language I didn't understand. A naked girl nestled deeper into me and tightened her arms around me. I blinked my eyes open and looked down to see Abby laying with her face on my chest and staring up at me with a soft smile. I smiled back. "Good morning," she said and ran her finger down the bridge of my nose. "Morning," I replied grinning. I reached up and rubbed my face a couple of times to brush the sleep away. When I looked back, Abby was propped up on her elbows and brushing her hair out of her face. It was tangled and matted from sleep and sex, but she looked sexy as hell anyway. This was the third morning we'd woken up like this together. She traced little designs with one finger on my chest. "Is it creepy I like waking up before you to watch you wake up slowly?" she asked. I chuckled, "Maybe. But I don't mind." "'Kay," she said and pulled herself up to her knees. Her naked breasts hung freely as she reached over and pulled a hair tie from the nightstand and bound her hair up. I watched the show. She just smirked at me. "So, Don Juan, what shall we do today?" Her voice and expression said exactly what she'd like to do today, and it probably didn't involve a lot of leaving our cabin. We'd rented a little cabin down on the beach, we were supposed to check out tomorrow, but I don't think either of us was in a hurry to leave. It was serene here in a way that was difficult to express. There is being on vacation, seeing the sights, sharing discovery with your traveling partner; experiencing new things, and trying new foods and customs, and all the fun things that come with vacations. And then there is renting a cabin on a beach on the blue Mediterranean sea with your lover at the end of summer, where no one knows either of you except the other, no one expects you anywhere, there are no classes to be late for, no tests to study for; nothing to do. It's really unfathomable unless you've swam those waters yourself. Everyone should try it at least once. I was alternating between losing my mind and wishing I could stay forever. I was not used to idling. I'd been running around like a maniac for the last eight years of school. We'd spent the first day exploring the village and the next two exploring each other. Heart and mind, body and soul. We talked late into the afternoon over local wines and brews and pleased each other late into the evening; slept late in the morning and did the whole thing over again. I never wanted to leave. But at the same time I was homesick. We'd been on the road almost five weeks now and we'd only checked in a few times with our families - just to assure them we were still alive and to gush about stuff we'd seen. We'd both sent postcards to our parents, Kimmy, and Beth; plus a few to individual school chums. But I was starting to think that maybe we should be starting to wander home. Also at the same time, I was wondering if there was anyway we could make this last forever. "You know actually, it should be, Don Jacques, right?" I said, sitting up to give her a quick peck on the lips. She shook her head, "Nope. We went over this in my International Lit class at Berkeley my sophomore year. 'Jack' has no direct translation. 'Jacques' is French, not Spanish. So 'Juan' would be the closest. Plus, you don't seem like a 'Jacques'. Don Juan is more more you, oh seducer of young women!" she smirked and bounced off the bed and out of my reach before I could grab her to tickle her in retaliation. She giggled like a school girl and ran into the bathroom. "More like 'seductee'!" I shouted at her. "More like 'sucky'!'" she shouted through the door. I tried the door but she was holding it closed. "Nooo!" she giggled. We wrestled for control of the door a second. I won. I chased her into the shower, then I made her pay for that. I don't think she minded. The rest of the day was spent doing absolutely nothing. In fact, the rest of the trip was pretty much more of the same. We moved on from Croatia and into Greece. From Greece we took an over night cruise to Italy, then we drove along the coast for the next week until we got to Barcelona. All in all we had been traveling for almost seven weeks. I needed a break from my break. We both agreed that it was time to go home and we got tickets to fly out the next week. I was pretty much broke, so Abby picked mine up for me and rented a small place we could stay in for the week so we weren't living out of a hotel. For a week we shared a tiny studio apartment that was only a few blocks from the beach. We'd been traveling together for weeks, but now it was like we were actually living together. We shared cooking and cleaning duties, we did each others laundry (I almost ruined her bras), we even had a minor fight once over whether or not to go out on the town and go dancing. I didn't want to, she did. We ended up staying in and having make up sex instead, so I kind of won I think. Our last night, I was cooking up some fried rice over the tiny stove in the little kitchenette. Abby was laying on the bed, languishing in the heat (there was no AC). She was practically nude, wearing only her bikini top and a silk sarong she'd bought in Athens. She was watching me cook with a far away look in her eye. "It's hot," she said in this cute little whiny nasally tone. It was adorable really. Hey, I was in love. "So are you," I said with a smirk. She moaned in protest of the heat, and then sat up suddenly. "Hey Jack," she said, her tone suddenly serious. She could do that. Switch moods on a dime. "Mm?" I responded noncommittally as I pull the rice off and started dishing it up. "Lets keep doing this," she said. "We already bought our plane tickets, non refundable. Plus we went over this, I'm ready to go home. You said you were too," I said as I put her dish on our tiny little table first. She got up and sat down. She took a big whiff and smiled, "No, I mean living together. When we get back, lets move in together. Get our own place." I froze a second. I couldn't help it. I think it's a guy thing. Hell I had been thinking almost the same thing myself, but I froze anyway. Just a second. Her face fell, "You don't agree." she said, her tone crestfallen. "I don't disagree," I said carefully. This was not a conversation to fuck up. "But you don't agree either," she said and took a bite, her eyes fluttered in pleasure. Hey, at least my cooking was a hit. I set my own plate down, then got a couple of cold beers from the icebox. It was an actual icebox too. It used ice. We had to refill it everyday. I opened hers and set it in front of her. Then sat down with my own in front of my own plate "It's a big deal," I said carefully. "I don't think so. I mean, we've already proven we can stand each other in close proximity for what, seven weeks now? Under far more stressful situations than normal everyday life," she said, continuing to eat. "I don't think this qualifies as anything resembling normal. Normal life has it's own stresses; work, bills, chores... stuff." I really had more, but I somehow lost my train of thought. She made a face, "So what, we won't have a problem with any of that stuff," she said and stabbed a piece of chicken with a touch more force than I thought was needed. "Abby, I love you," I said. She looked up, a little surprised. To be honest I was too. We hadn't said it yet and I'd just blurted it out. I decided I really did mean it though, so I continued, "I do." I reiterated firmly. "But we have no idea what the next six months are going to be like. I need to get a job, so do you. We have no idea where those will be. Plus I'm tapped, I haven't got any savings left. How would we pay bills, or even put money down for a deposit and stuff?" She shrugged, "My parents would..." I shook my head, "I'm not borrowing money from your parents. I'm not taking money from them either. I'm not worried about my fiances or being able to afford these things. I just can't afford them yet." She made another face. She obviously was not satisfied with that answer. I sighed. "Look, I'm not saying, 'no never' just 'not tomorrow, or the day after'. Lets give it a few months, see where we are then, okay?" She didn't look up at me. "Fine. You're right," she said. She didn't make it sound like she agreed though. I went back to eating. Ah yes reality, I remember you now. Despite the strained dinner conversation, the rest of our evening was picture perfect. It was the first day of the Festa de la Merce, the largest celebration in Barcelona. A four day city wide bash that includes fireworks, parties, parades, people on stilts, and clowns. You've probably seen it in a movie if you've ever seen a movie set in Spain. We watched the fireworks from our small balcony, and I held her from behind and she laid her head back on my shoulder. It really was a perfect ending to our trip. We didn't talk much, and our love making that night was slow and tender; a last ditch effort to prolong our travels together. Tomorrow was back to the real world. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 17 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** I dropped my bag with a thud onto the floor of my mom's condo. God I was beat. Twenty-six hours of airports, delayed flights, waiting, another flight, another airport, and then two hours of LA traffic. I was ready for a vacation from my trip home from my vacation. "Why don't you just go get a shower and then lay down in my bed sweetie, I'll sleep on the couch tonight. You look exhausted," my mother said. Abby's mother had dropped me off just a few minutes ago. She and Abby had gone back to their house. Abby and I hadn't said anything else about our own place on the way home. But it was sounding awfully good about now. I didn't want to sleep on my mother's bed. I wanted my own, but it was in storage. "Nah, I'm good mom. Believe me, after a couple of the places we stayed in in Eastern Europe, the floor here is looking pretty good," I said. Even I could hear the fatigue in my voice. My mother chuckled, but it was a concerned mother chuckle, "Nonsense. I only sleep a few hours at a time anyway. Stupid old woman bladder wakes me up every night three or four times." I sighed. Fine. I didn't have enough left to protest anymore. "I'm not going to argue. I left all my willpower behind about eight countries ago," I said in defeat. "And just leave your bag there, I'll get your laundry," she said and pushed me to the bathroom with a little shove. I almost fell asleep in the shower. I tumbled into my mother's bed and slept for a whole day. All I know is I went to sleep and it was daylight, I woke up and it was still daylight, but slightly earlier in the day. I crawled and stumbled my way to the bathroom and was overwhelmed with the smell of potpourri as I peed. I wrinkled my nose. Neither I nor my dad could stand the stuff. I found my way out to the living room and made it half way back to my mother's bedroom when I froze in my tracks. There was a man sitting at the kitchen table with my mother. An older gentleman. I didn't recognize him. I turned slowly and looked at the two of them. There were two cups of coffee and I looked like I had walked into the middle of a quiet - intimate - afternoon chat. "Hello Jack, your mother has been telling me all about your adventures across the pond," he said. He had a very loud voice. The booming kind of voice you would expect a drill sergeant to have. I scratched my bare chest and vaguely recognized I was standing there in just a pair of Stanford sweat pants, my hair was probably standing straight up, and I wasn't able to fully open one eye yet. He extended his right hand out. I blinked at it and made a grimace against what was probably some very foul morning breath. I took his hand and he almost crushed mine. "Jack," my mother said, she had a weird note in her voice, "This is Stan..." she said hesitantly. "Hi Stan," I grogged at him. He smiled broadly and gave my poor hand another squeeze and rattle before he released it. "You look like hell son, must have been a hell of a trip," he boomed at me, he was taller than I was, and I'm six-foot-one. He also was heavier set, the look of a man who was powerfully built in his twenties and thirties, but is now on the wrong side of fifty. "Yeah..." I managed to say. What the fuck was going on? "Go ahead and go back to bed honey," my mom said, "dinner is isn't for another two hours. Stan will be joining us if you don't mind." There was that weird voice again. My mother was nervous. "Okay." I managed, and then stumbled back into the bedroom and shut the door. Did... did my mother have a date? What the hell had I missed while I was gone? # It was about the most uncomfortable dinner I had ever participated in. My mother cooked steaks, which she traditionally is not very good at, or fond of. They were my dad's thing. Plus she had no grill in the condo, so she just pan fried them, which made them taste off to me. Stan kept trying to engage me in conversation, but I had no idea how to react to this man. It was obvious from my mother's behavior something was going on between them, but I wasn't sure how I felt about that. On one hand - yes, my dad had been gone for five years, but on the other hand - My Dad. Here was this guy who was about as opposite of my father as you can get and still be the same gender and species; and my mother was, what - dating him? Seeing him? Oh God, I internally gagged - sleeping with him? Dear God, I had slept in that bed. My mother uncorked a second bottle of wine for after dinner. I could see her hand shook slightly as she poured mine. She sat down and they took hands. I took a large swallow of wine to brace myself. "So, Jack," my mother started. "You're seeing each other, yeah mom, I got that," I said, I tried to force humor in my voice. I even smiled I think. Stan nodded, "I'm a widower myself, my wife passed ten years ago, God rest her. So I understand what Ellen has been going through. You too. My daughter is about eight years older than you, and an only child as well." Oh joy. The potential of a thirty year old step-sister. Awesome. "Anyway Jack, I just wanted you to know that Stan makes me happy. It was very hard without your father, and I've been terribly lonely," my mother said. I felt guilt. It most have shown on my face, because my mother continued, "Oh Jack, it's not your job to keep me company. You're just getting started in your own life and you've had school, and then your trip, and now you'll be looking at getting your own life going. You shouldn't be worried about taking care of your old mother." I shifted in my seat. "What your mother is saying, I think, if I may Ellen..." boomed Stan, and my mother nodded, "Is that right now we're just a couple of old fogies, who are tired of feeling alone, and we don't feel alone with each other. I'd never replace your father and I won't ever try. But I hope you and I can at least be friends, or reach an understanding," he said. Fuck. I didn't want this guy to be reasonable. I wanted to dislike him. Out of loyalty to my father. That was my job right? Wasn't I Hamlet in this scenario? Hell, I'd even just been to Denmark. But this guy sounded reasonable and he was trying to be a nice guy about this. And if he was good to my mother... Fuck. I didn't want to like this. But I smiled and looked at my mother and just said, "Mom, if it make you happy, I'm behind it one hundred percent." My mother relaxed about twelve notches and squeezed my hand. And that's how Stan came into our lives. # Five days later I was ready to move in with Abby. Or Kimmy and Todd, or hell, even Beth and Kurt. A box next to the dumpster I'd been dumped into in ninth grade was looking pretty tempting. Stan was around all the time. He and my mother weren't living together, but it was a near thing. I think the only reason they weren't is that I had no place to go. Stan was a retired army captain (I wasn't shocked) and now was just living off his pension and disability. He'd injured his knee doing something heroic I'm sure. I hadn't asked, though I'm pretty sure he told me at dinner the next night. He and my mother had met through some support group for windows and widowers. I had no idea my mom had been going to a support group. He really was nothing like my father - and I think that bothered me more than anything. My dad had been a tall, lanky man. He'd worn glasses for driving and television, but not to read. He'd been a life long democrat and hippy. He loved hiking and fishing and abhorred guns. He'd always kept his hair just a little bit long, but it always stuck straight out, giving him this sort of half mad scientist thing. He was never crude, had a razor sharp wit, and loved to read. My dad was always reading He was soft spoken, gentle, and compassionate. Stan reminded me of a heavy set fifty-six year old Al Bundy. He kept his hair high and tight and what little he had was the color of steel. He wore glasses for reading (which he didn't do often) but not to drive or watch television. He was a hardliner republican, and constantly made crude jokes about President Clinton (Who I knew for a fact my mother had voted for, but she never said anything). He liked camping in his RV, which was hardly camping at all my dad had often said. He had this deep booming voice, like he was used to bombs going off around him as he barked orders. He just seemed - not my mother's type, which I guess is why the whole thing confused me. But she laughed at his jokes and touched his arm a lot. I even caught them pecking on the lips once. There wasn't enough steel wool in the country for my brain to scrub that one away. "And he farts! Like, all the time! On the couch I have to sleep on!" I ranted to Abby that night when she'd swung by to pick me up for a beer. I'd called her, begging her to rescue me. When she'd shown up at the condo to come up and say hi to my mother, I swear Stan had leered at her in her little black dress. I'll be the first to admit Abby is a damn knock out, especially dressed up to go out, but that was weird. Abby just smirked at me. I put my bottle down, because I'd been waving it around like a crazy man. "So get out of there, get your own place," she said, and sipped her own beer. I snorted, "I'm broke, remember?" She looked away and said, very casually, "You could come stay with me at the beach house." I sighed. I was tempted, so tempted. "I don't want to change my mind about moving in together just because I'm running away from home and need a place to crash," I said. She smiled a little, "It doesn't have to be the only reason. Your circumstances have changed. That's life. Besides, it's not your home Jack, it's hers." That stung. Plus it was true, I'd never felt comfortable in my mother's condo. "Dance with me lover," she said, and pulled me onto the dance floor. For the next couple of hours, she made me forget all about Stan and the way he made the couch smell. I elected not to go home with her, because, I don't know, I'm stupid or something. I think I was afraid if I did I'd lose my willpower about not moving in and stay forever. But she didn't drop me off until almost three am. When she came in to use the restroom before she drove home, Stan was still up. Had he waited up for me? "Hey," I said quietly. "Late night," he said and flipped the page of his Guns and Ammo magazine. "Yeah, we usually close the place down," I said. He didn't respond. Abby came out of the restroom and I opened the door back up for her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and we kissed. It was a pretty intense kiss. I was seriously rethinking not going back to the beach house with her. "Call me tomorrow?" she whispered, and ran her finger down the bridge of my nose. "Of course," I smiled at her. She smiled back and slowly slipped out of my arms and was out the door. Our fingertips lingered together until our arms were outstretched before falling away. I shut the door with a sigh. Stan cleared his throat. Oh yeah. Stan. "Pretty young rich girl like that, why haven't you married her yet?" he said. I think he was trying to make a joke. "We're still figuring things out," I said, more than a little defensively. He was silent a moment, "Looks like you two have things pretty well figured out," he said in a tone that my dad would have been proud of; subtle yet stating the obvious. It was voice from him I hadn't heard. I sighed. He got up and folded his magazine up. He went into my mother's bedroom, "Good night Jack." he said. I didn't want to think about the fact he'd gone into my mother's bedroom. "Night Stan," I said. I sat down on the couch to go to sleep. God, had he farted right before he left? I Am Jack's Life Ch. 18 Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** As it turned out, it was my mother that changed the game, three weeks later. I stared at the check. It was a lot of money. "Mom, I can't accept this," I said, not looking up at her. We were out for lunch, just the two of us. No Stan. That was nice. I'd started the job hunt and gotten a few nibbles already. Not teaching jobs, but jobs nonetheless. I was probably going to get the tech writing job in Orange County. Abby's dad had put in a good word for me at a place he'd represented and still had friends at. It felt a little bit like nepotism to me, but the money was good and I needed a job. Abby told me to shut up and take it. I was just waiting on the call back. It was really only a formality at this point. "Oh yes you can. You used all of your savings for your trip," she said. I started to hand her the check back, "Yeah, and that was my choice." I said firmly. She shook her head and didn't take the check, "and it was the right choice. Honestly Jack, you work harder at things than anyone I've ever met. You needed a break. Now..." she said with one of her little mom-smirks, "I need you out of my house." I rolled my eyes, "If this is because of Stan, I'll just go stay with Abby at the beach house." To be honest I'd been staying there more often than not the last week. It was way better waking up smelling Abby than Stan's butt fumes. There were other reasons of course. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a factor. My mother sipped her coffee, "Well you haven't yet, and I'm not sure you aren't making the right choice. You have to trust your instinct on these things. I was a bit surprised when you two didn't move in together right away. So I assume you're delaying for other reasons..." she said. I started to speak up in my defense, "And I'm sure they are good reasons. Your reasons. I trust your judgment - better than anyone's, Jack. This way, you don't have to make a choice you don't want too just to escape Stan and I." I frowned, "Mom, Stan isn't..." "Your father," she said flatly. I admit. It left me speechless. I stared at my coffee with my mouth hanging open stupidly. "Well, he isn't. I know that. Far better than you I might add. But I enjoy spending time with him. And I'm ready to do it without you underfoot," she smirked at me with a little twinkling of her eyes. I shuddered. Do not contemplate that Jack - don't even think about what that means. Fuck. I thought about what it meant. Dammit. "Okay then," I said and finished the rest of my coffee in a slug. "You don't need a big place and I'm not Abby's parent's so I don't have a beach house for you. But that should give you a couple of months to get going on your own. I know you'll be fine," she said. I flicked the check with my hand. She was right. This was the best option. "Thanks mom, you're pretty damn smart," I said. She smirked at me, "You didn't get it all from your father," she replied smugly. I grinned at her and we enjoyed the rest of our lunch. # I found a place pretty quickly. It was exactly half way between the beach house and downtown LA. It was probably a little more expensive than I could afford, but it meant only a forty-five minute drive to Abby and where I would most likely be looking for work if the tech writer job didn't pan out. But it did, so my commute was a little rough. I grew up in California, though. I feared no traffic. It was a little one bedroom apartment on the third floor of a large multiplex. I had loud neighbors, coin operated laundry, and I had no intention of using the place's tiny pool that probably a thousand people shared. But it was mine. I had my own place. Abby and Beth, and Todd and Kimmy helped me get moved in. I didn't need a lot of furniture, but Todd and Kimmy gave me their old couch as a housewarming gift. It wasn't new, but they'd just bought a new living room set, so they needed to get rid of it anyway. I was grateful, even if it did have the faintest strange odor I couldn't identify. I bought a small kitchen set at Wall-mart, and Beth got me some dishes and pots and pans. Abby bought me a television. I think she had to out do everyone else and I felt a little weird taking such an expensive gift. She told me she'd work it out of me later. Beth blushed. So did I. Yeah, they all knew Abby and I were together. It wasn't a secret, even though there'd been no formal announcement. I guess news travels through osmosis in small circles. Kimmy was starting to get very pregnant, and Abby and Beth fussed over her like hens. Strangely, I didn't have a hard time with it like I thought I would. Kimmy glowed. I never noticed expectant mothers glowed. But Kimmy could have lit up LA. It made her look beautiful in a way she never had before. I wasn't wistful when I thought about it either, just happy for her. I guess time heals and all that. None of us heard from Anna, and though I didn't exactly tell people not to tell her where I lived, she never showed up. I wasn't disappointed in the slightest, just relieved. My first night in the new apartment, I was sitting in my living room fidgeting. Abby hadn't stayed, though I'd invited her too, because Beth had needed a ride home. So I was by myself when there was the weirdest noise. It was as if a tiny siren was going off in intermittent bursts and wails. I searched my apartment for a good hour, when I finally checked out on the balcony. Standing on the very edge was a tiny little kitten, she couldn't have been more than a month old. She was all black, except for a white dot on her forehead and her white front paws. She alternatively mewed helplessly and hissed at me as I approached. She teetered precariously on the railing of the balcony. It was a three story drop, there's no way she'd survive the fall. "Hey, shh, easy." I said as I approached her. She hissed a little cute kitten hiss, which was more adorable than frightening, and then mewed helplessly. I had no idea where she'd come from, there was no one above me, and each balcony was separated by thick concrete barriers. "Easy kid, I'm just going to get you down from there..." I reach out to pick her up. She tried to back up and lost her footing, all of a sudden she was hanging onto the railing with just one little white paw. I made a grab for her and snatched her from the jaws of death. She yelled in fear and protested loudly, but then quickly started purring so loud I thought she was going to rumble her chest off. I brought her inside and gave her some watered down milk. She puked it up almost right away. I ran down to the 24 hour grocery store across the street and got some kitten milk and kitten chow. When I got back she had wiggled her way out of the box I'd put her in and gotten on the top of my fridge some how, and was once again mewing helplessly. I stared up at her, "What did you do? Teleport?" I chuckled. I pulled her down and fed her the kitten milk. She purred and then fell asleep purring in my lap. I guess I had a roommate after all. # "She's so adorable!" Abby giggled as Miss Mittens chased the little paper balls I had crumpled up for her the day before. Mittens had been my roommate for two days now. Abby pawed one of the paper balls herself and the cat went ape shit trying to get it. Abby broke into fits of giggles. I smirked and watched. "You aren't allergic to cats are you?" I asked. Abby shook her head no and gently pawed at Mittens, who attacked back with vigor. "That's good. Because it would be awkward if my apartment gave you hives," I said. Abby just giggled, at me or the cat, I'm not sure. "Hey, I have something for you," I said, and fished the thing I had for her out of my pocket. She turned and looked at me, her greenish-hazel eyes more hazel than green in the afternoon light. My apartment was exposed to the setting sun, so it got very bright there in the afternoon. I held up a silver key. Abby bit her lip, but then looked from the key to me. "What's this?" she asked mischievously. "A key. To here," I said with a smile. She got up on her knees from the spot she'd been on the floor playing with the cat. She wiggle-crawled over to kneel in front of me and put her hands on my thighs and kissed me. "It's not moving in together," I said after the kiss, "But its..." "A good first step. I get it. Thank you Jack," she said and her face was lit up in a smile. "Exactly. One of potentially many, but a good one, and the right one I think," I replied and kissed her forehead. She just nodded and kissed me again. Then she yelped in pain. Mittens liked toes. Or maybe it was that she greatly distrusted them. She shooed the cat away, and we resumed kissing sans cat. Abby spent the night and we broke the place in properly. Over the next few days I got the job, and we got into a routine. Abby would come and go as she pleased, and was coming more than she was going, and was often pleased; if you get my drift. Life was good. # "Three months?" I said again. I didn't bother to conceal the frustration in my tone. "It's an incredible opportunity, Jack," Abby said, half pleading, half angry. "But, three months?" Again. I was fixating. "Yes, that's how long a ninety day internship is! Do you realize how hard I had to work to get this?" she demanded, her voice raised. "But it's in New York!" I blurted "You'll be gone for three months in New York!" She folded her arms tight across her chest. The internship. Abby had gone to school for photojournalism. It was more for the photography than the journalism, but it was still her passion. She'd been offered a ninety day internship at Cosmopolitan Magazine for photography. It was unlikely she'd get anything in the magazine, nearly impossible actually, but she'd be working for some of the best in the fashion business, and no one got a job in that industry without putting in the time as a slave - I mean intern. "Abby, I'm happy for you, really I am," I said, deliberate keeping my voice lower than hers so there would be no screaming, "But it's not even a paid internship, how are you going to support yourself in New York?" "My Dad..." I rolled my eyes and stepped away, "Oh God, of course." "What?" she demanded. "Abby, when are you going to stop letting your parent's carry you?" I said. Perhaps deflecting from the real issue I was worried about. Not my best deflection. "When are you?" she fired back. "Hey! Yes, my mother helped me out to get this place, but I have a job, I'm paying all my bills and saving to pay her back! I'm supporting myself here!" I fired back. "With a job my dad got you!" she spat back at me. I grimaced. That was a very sore subject. It was true though. I found out after I'd accepted that they hadn't interviewed anyone else but me. I liked to think that I carried my own weight, and made myself valuable. But all I was doing was writing user manuals for technical guides. It was not exciting work, nor was it what I wanted to be doing. I had started looking for teaching positions again. "This is temporary," I said coldly. "So is this!" she exclaimed, "I'm not moving to New York forever, just ninety days! I'll be back before my birthday!" "You'll miss Kimmy and Todd's baby being born!" I shot back. I admit, it was a desperate shot. "So what? I told Kimmy, she understands. She was ecstatic for me!" Abby said. Her voice was shrill. Not angry. Shrill. She sighed and flopped back against the kitchen counter, "I thought you would be too." she said in a sulky, pouting voice. Her rich girl voice. I dunno, maybe I'd had enough of the spoiled girl attitude, maybe I was just hurt and scared and firing back reflexively. "We've only been together about three months Abby, do you really think it's a great idea to take off for New York that same amount of time when we're still trying to figure things out?" I said. "Figure what out Jack? I love you! You love me! What the fuck is there to figure out?" she shouted in exasperation. I fumed. I had a point. Why wasn't she seeing it. And no bringing up the fact I couldn't see the point I'd been trying to make myself. She came over to me, and in a last ditch effort to calm things down, put her arms around my neck. I looked away. "It's only ninety days baby. It'll be fine. I believe in us, okay? I'll get back and we'll have crazy I missed you sex and everything will be fine," she said in softer tones than she'd been using earlier. "I don't have a choice in this do I." I said, and yeah, my voice was sulky and sour. She shook her head, "Not really, but if you really do love me, you won't fault me for making it." Fuck. She leaned up to kiss me. I only half kissed back. She sighed and pulled away. "Fine Jack, be a jerk about it. I'll be at the beach house until I leave next week. I'd love to spend every minute of it with you. But if you're going to be a brat about it, then I'll just see you when I get back," she said and grabbed her purse on her way to the door. "I have to work," I said sourly. "Whatever!" She slammed the door on her way out. Fuck. Yeah, I kinda messed that one up. # I didn't go see her before she left. I didn't even return any of her calls. I always sent them to voice mail and told myself I'd call her back later. Then it was later, and she'd left. I was miserable. I'd really fucked things up. I shouldn't have let her leave like that, I should have been happy for her. Now it was too late, she was in New York, thinking I hated her; clubbing it up and meeting new people... My guts clenched in jealousy. I hadn't been this jealous of anyone since my very first infatuation with Beth. Not even with Anna. With Anna I always just felt betrayed, not jealous. But now, in my mind's eye she was club hopping every night, drinking with strange guys, maybe even... Yeah, you know that song by The Killers, Mr. Brightside? That was my life for the first month she was gone. If that song had been out then I'd have had it on endless repeat. The worst part was I was too damn proud to just call her. She'd stopped calling me the day after she'd arrived. I got a voice mail saying she'd arrived safe and was starting work the very next day. I hadn't heard anything since. I didn't ask Kimmy or Beth about her. They never brought Abby up the few times we talked. The truth was I was a mess. I buried myself in my job and started looking for a new one. I had a fire under my ass to get out from under a position I felt was blatant nepotism. It pissed me off for no reason I could fathom and it made me loath an otherwise decent place to work and co-workers. I sat in my apartment after work, drank a lot of beer, watched my collection of noir flicks, and day dreamed about a different time and place. Miss Mittens was my only companion for the first ten weeks Abby was in New York. Even she thought I was pretty terrible company. I have no idea if anything would have been different if Abby had left under different circumstances, if we'd been talking on the phone every night, eagerly anticipating her return. I don't. You can never calculate the impact of choices not made, or measure the volume of unspoken words. That's the moral of this whole thing. You just can't ever know how things would be different. Maybe they would have ended up exactly the same, maybe not. I really just don't know. But sixty-one days into Abby's ninety day internship. Beth knocked on my door late one night and forever spun my world in a direction it may have been fated to go every since I'd picked up the phone the summer of 1991. Maybe I was doomed right from the very start. I answered the door. I'd already answered the phone almost ten years ago. It was late, after midnight on a Friday. I didn't have work the next day. I was about seven beers into the evening, Casablanca was playing in the background. I was really feeling Rick those days. I didn't have a shirt on, because my AC was out again, but the balcony sliding glass door was open, and a slight breeze drifted in from outside. Beth was standing there in just a pair of jeans, and an old tee shirt. Her hair was down, covering her face, which was unusual. She still looked beautiful. "Hey Jack," she said softly, and I could see she'd been crying. I took another drink from my beer and just stepped aside so she could come in. I really didn't care why she was here. I was in a pretty dark place. She walked in without a word and looked around my apartment. I hadn't exactly been Mr. Tidy lately with no one coming over to spend the night, so the place was littered with empty beer bottles and trash from take out menus and boxes. She didn't say anything. "Want a beer?" I asked. I still hadn't said hello yet. I walked to the fridge. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 18 "Sure," she said, she looked at the television. Rick was asking why of all the gin joints in all the world, she'd had to walk into his. Fate, you really are a twisted bitch. I got a beer, popped the cap, and handed it to her. As she reached out to take it, I saw something under where her hair was falling over her face. I reached up to push her hair aside and she flinched. That was a little weird. I guess reason started to penetrate the beer and misery fog, and I started to wonder why she was here. "Beth, what happened?" I asked. She looked at the floor. I pushed her hair aside. She had a black eye. Looked like it had been made with a fist the size of a small dump truck. I set my beer down on the counter and grabbed my car keys. I was going to kill a guy. This was going to make my night. "Jack don't!" she exclaimed and grabbed my arm. I glared back at her. A lion roared in my stomach, the same one that had roared when I had seen Anna about to get raped. This would not fucking do. I was going to kill that asshole. Run over him with my car if I had too. "Just..." she started to cry. Ah fuck. I sighed. I put my arms around her and just held her. She lost it completely. "Can I stay with you?" she managed to finally whimper out. "Of course, fuck, Beth, of course!" I said softly; urgently. She collapsed into my arms and I held her. I held her the whole night. We fell asleep on my couch to blue screen my VCR left after it auto shut off from rewinding a movie. I had a DVD player, but Casablanca wasn't on disc yet. I woke up the next day to Miss Mittens trying to curl up on my bare chest and nestle onto my neck just under my face. Last I remembered, there had been a Beth head there. I spit cat hair out and eased her off my chest so I could sit up. She complained with an angry mew but scampered off to behind the entertainment center where she loved to chew on the wires. Looking around, a whirlwind had been through my apartment. There were no beer bottles, or pizza boxes, or little empty boxes of Chinese take out rice drying on the counter. All the take out menus were stuck to the fridge with magnets. The garbage had been taken out. There were no dishes in the sink. Often times you don't realize what a slob you've become until someone cleans up after you. Beth came out of the bedroom, showered and changed. Her shiner was concealed with make up, but you could see the puffiness. She smiled brightly at me. "Sorry, I hope you don't mind, but I attacked the bachelor pad!" she giggled. I couldn't help it, I smirked a little in spite of the circumstances. Her smile had that effect on me. "You didn't have to do that. I was going to clean it today. I don't get to it during the work week," I lied. She waved me off, "It was no trouble, I didn't mind a bit. She was awfully bright and cheerful. She even baby talked to Miss Mittens, shooing her out of the way gently as she replaced the garbage can liner. I studying her a minute and then decided to tackle the tough stuff without further delay. "How long?" She looked back with a curious, but cheerful expression. "How long has he been hitting you?" I said firmly. From nowhere, my father's tone crept into my voice. The one he'd used when talking to a principal back in the third grade when I was being bullied pretty bad. Like I've said, I have no tolerance for bullies. She looked away, and just like that, she was on the edge of tears again. "Jack, can we not..." she started to say. "How long?" I demanded firmly. "And how often?" She gulped and leaned back against the counter. "A couple of months..." she said softly. Jesus Christ... "Have you called the police?" I don't know where my tone was. Somewhere between concern for my friend and barely checked total rage I'm sure. She nodded and brushed a lock of hair back behind her ear. "I just got a restraining order yesterday in fact. I was going to stay at a girlfriend's house, but he found me... He doesn't know where you live," she said. She had this flat, defeated tone in her voice I'd never heard before. Ever. "Well, that's a start, but you need to report this incident, violating his restraining order could lock his ass up," I said She shook her head, "There were no witnesses, it happened very quickly. I just got out of there and ran to you as fast as I could." I hate to admit it, that hit my ego button a little. Beth had ran to me for protection. Probably just to hide, but hey, I'm kind of stupid remember? "Well you can stay as long as you need to. Do you have your stuff?" I asked She ran over to me and squeezed me in the tightest hug I'd ever gotten from her in the nine years I'd known her. I wrapped my arms around her. "I won't be any trouble Jack, it's just for a couple of weeks until I can figure something else out." She sniffled. "Shh. As long as you need Beth," I said. Her hair smelled nice. Fuck. Two weeks stretched into three and I have to admit, she brought me out of my own black cloud. It was nice having company again. It was nice having one of my friends around. It was nice having Beth around. I was a mess of conflicted feelings. On one hand, I wasn't sure if Abby and I had broken up or not. I still had feelings for her, but they were clouded up with this weird confused anger and jealousy. I loved her, but I was very pissed at her, and was sure that she was probably out there pissed off her self and cheating on me. On the other hand, if we were broken up, then it wasn't cheating and I no rights to anything she did. On the other hand, Beth, the object of all of my teenage desires was right here. All the time. I'd get home from work and she'd have dinner ready for us. We'd stay up watching movies together, cuddling on my couch. I'd wake up in the morning and she'd be sleeping on the couch, all cute and bed-heady. She'd wake up and have coffee with me before I left. She was omnipresent. I could feel all those old longings surfacing and tossing me about like a ship lost at sea. I had no anchor, I was a drift on the stormy sea of Beth. She was a mess too. She was a trauma victim, which meant she wore all of her emotions on her sleeve. She'd be over joyed at the simplest things, from me complimenting her coffee making skills, to breaking down in tears because she'd accidentally put my dvd's away in a different order than I did, and I complained when I couldn't find the one I wanted. It was a Saturday, one week before Abby was supposed to come home that the game changed again. We'd been planning to go to the beach on my day off, because there is no season in Southern California you can't go to the beach. When at the last minute she changed her mind about leaving the house. See, she hadn't done much of that. She got nervous just going to the grocery store, even though I lived no where near her Ex. Going outside made her panicky. That had been kind of the point of the beach thing. "Can we just stay in and watch movies Jack?" she asked, her voice was deliberately casual. But I knew better. "Nope. It's a beautiful day, we're going to a beach. I don't even care which beach. We can drive up the coast an hour, or down to baja," said with enforced joviality. She sighed. I could tell she was afraid, but she needed to leave the house. This was a baby step. "Go get your bikini on girl, we're leaving in ten minutes," I said without turning around. I was still continuing to pack our lunch. She sighed behind me and went to the bedroom to change. I'd been good. Nearly three weeks and I'd never even made a move on her, or glimpsed her naked coming out of the shower, or even did anything beyond our normal, nine year old, light flirty banter that was part of our normal conversation. I was even careful with that. But I was looking forward to seeing her in a bikini. Ten minutes went by and she hadn't come out of the bedroom. I went and knocked on the door. There was no answer, "Beth?" "I'm fine!" she answered back through the door. Her tone sounded like she'd had to force lightness out with a shoehorn. She'd probably been crying. "I'm opening the door," I said in the way of warning. "I'm dressed, its fine," she said. I opened the door and she was sitting on the edge of my bed. She didn't have the red rim of tears, but she didn't look emotionally stable either. She was wearing her bikini top, and had a skirt on. She looked all ready to go, she even had a shirt in her hand ready to put over her top. I smiled, "What's the hold up?" She sighed heavily. "Jack, I'm not ready, can we please just stay in today. I'll go tomorrow, I promise," she looked up at me, her eyes pleaded. I sighed, but it was a sympathetic sigh, not a frustrated one. I walked over to her and knelt down in front of her. I put my hands on her knees. She was shaking slightly. That did it. "Hey, it's fine. We'll stay in and watch movies, okay?" I said. She pursed her lips together and nodded. We stayed in and watched movies. We were laying on the couch that night. Our picnic basket was empty on the coffee table. We'd had an indoor picnic, it hadn't been half bad really. She'd been a lot more relaxed, and we'd spent most of the day joking with each other and she seemed almost back to her old self. She wore the bikini all day. The last movie of the day started to run credits and I sat up to flip it off. She got up off of the spot she'd been laying on my chest; she acted very reluctant to move. I chuckled and teased her that she'd fallen asleep. She protested, but I noticed her stretch and yawn sleepily as I got up to put things away. "That's the bed time signal I think," I said with a chuckle. "Thank you Jack," she said as I put stuff away in the kitchen. I'd gotten better about my messes with someone staying with me again. "For what" I asked. "Not pushing me today. You never push. I love that about you," she said. I shrugged, "You'll go when you are ready. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week. You'll be fine," I said. She just nodded, "It's getting easier, I think. You make it easier." I smiled. We got ready for bed, she got her blankets and stuff out for the couch, and I went into my bedroom and shut the door. I got undressed and turned out the lights. I looked at my phone charging on my desk and suddenly thought about calling Abby. I swear to god I did. It was a sudden random thought: "I should call Abby." But then I thought it would be after two am on the east coast. I swear to god I thought it. A few minutes after my light turned out, my door opened. I looked up and Beth walked slowly into my room and shut the door quietly. It was dark, and I couldn't see very well. "Beth is everything..." I started to ask. She slipped into my bed, lifting up the covers and sliding under them. She slid her body up next to me. She was naked. She kissed me very softly. It wasn't a lip brush, it wasn't a stolen kiss from an accident. It wasn't an almost kiss from a cheek kiss. It wasn't a desperate kiss on her porch before I left for Europe. It was slow, hesitant. Like someone testing the water by sticking their toes in. It was full of longing, but also fear. Fear of rejection, fear of... I dunno, everything. But it was also very tender, and full of something else. Hope. My brain short circuited under the overload of emotions I felt. Kimmy, Anna, even Abby, they had always taken a back seat for my feelings for Beth. I didn't know where I was with Abby. Kimmy was married and about to give birth to someone else's baby. Anna... I didn't know where Anna was, and didn't want too. Beth was right here, her lips were warm and soft, and the most perfect set of breasts I'd ever beheld in my young life were brushing lightly against my bare chest. Sigh, I challenge anyone alive or dead to make a different choice. I slipped my hand behind her head and held her there while we kissed. Kissing became panting, and panting became urgency, and then I was laying her back and rolling on top of her. I wasn't a monster, I knew she was still an emotional wreck, but I had my own needs; some of which had been building for nearly a decade. I felt between her legs and she was wet and warm. She moaned and pushed against my fingers. That was about all the willpower I had left. I eased myself up and into her. I was very careful. Maybe too careful. I was terrified of hurting her for some stupid reason. She was not anywhere close to being a virgin anymore. I'm not even sure if she was when we met. But I penetrated her like she was made of tissue paper, holding onto my own need with tight reins. She shuddered and clung, "God, you're so gentle," she breathed. That did it, I lost it. My emotions swept forward in a torrential rush. I gave myself to her completely. I gently rocked back and forth with her. I wept, she wept. I let ten years of longing and wondering escape and kissed every part of her my lips could reach, and she surrendered to me just as completely. It was a far more emotional experience than physical. I have utterly no concept of how long it lasted, but it felt like it went on for days. When it was over, she rolled on top of me and lay her head on my chest, like she was listening to my heart beat. I petted the soft brunette hair that had so often tormented me as an adolescent. We just lay like that for a long time. She fell asleep. I lay awake long into the night wondering about everything under the sun. I thought everything should have made sense now. I'd been with Beth, and it had been completely; no holds barred, soul touching, total, emotionally surrendered, sex. Why did I feel like I should have felt more? I didn't sleep much that night. I think Beth got the first good night's sleep she had in weeks, maybe months. I was glad for that. I loved her. Just maybe not the way I thought I had, or wanted too. The next morning I was making coffee at the counter. I'd just put Miss Mittens food down for her. Beth came out of the bedroom wearing just one of my button down shirts I wore to work, which was about the sexiest sight I could imagine at the moment, we kissed and she slipped passed me to get a coffee cup. I could see when she reached up that she wasn't wearing any panties under the shirt. I felt weird. There was a sound at the door. The sound of a key turning in a lock. In my apartment, the front door is set halfway between the living room and dining room, which is open to the kitchen. Directly across from the front door is the hallway that leads to the bedroom and bathroom, and then to right at the other end of the living room is the sliding glass door to the balcony. In other words, there is no where to hide that you can't see from the front door. It was very poorly designed for ambushes and sudden gunfights if you ask me. James Bond would have hated my apartment. Time slowed to a crawl. There was only one other key to my apartment besides mine. Abby's. I froze in place. My entire body turned to powdery snow. I started to crumble apart. Beth didn't notice until the door opened and Abby said, in hopeful, happy, questioning, voice, "Jack?" Abby turned and saw me standing in the kitchen in just my sweat pants, and Beth behind me wearing just my office shirt. Her face went from hopeful joy, to ice, to black rage in seconds. "Abby..." Beth said in quiet surprise. Abby didn't look at her. Her eyes were locked on mine. Behind the rage I could tell I'd just broken her heart. With a sledgehammer. "Well Jack, I see you managed to complete the whole set," Abby said, and her voice was made of boiling acid. Somehow I found my voice, "Abby, wait a minute..." I said I started to walk toward her, but I tripped over the damn cat, who screamed at me. Abby was already out the door. "Abby wait!" I shouted after her, shooing the very angry cat out of my way. I chased her out into the hallway, she was running down the stairs. "Abby!" I shouted desperately. She turned and glared at me, her face was full of tears, "What, you insufferable jack ass? Surprised to see me home early? Or did you forget to mark the days on your calender!?" she shouted. "It's not like that!" I shouted back. "No, no I suppose it isn't Jack." She looked away and quietly tapped her fist a few times against the railing. She looked back, "I knew... I just knew it. I hoped, but I knew it, deep down I knew it," she said. I was floundering for words. I had nothing. The power of speech had left me. My world was falling apart. I couldn't think. What was happening to me? My head felt like someone was inflating it with helium. Abby said, in a voice that a leading actress in a movie would have sold her soul to capture, "I always knew it was never going to be me Jack. It was always her, from the very beginning." "Abby!" I managed to gasp out. "Goodbye Jack," she said and turned to walk away. What had just happened? I couldn't make my brain work. She walked down the stairs, and to save my life I could not think of anything to say to stop her from walking away. I walked back inside and shut the door to my apartment very, very carefully, so that I didn't slam it. I was superman during solar flares; at any moment my strength could triple and I'd blow the door off it's hinges, or punch through the earth's crust. That would be bad. Beth was still standing in the kitchen, her face was as white as a sheet. She stared at me in shock and fear. She was going to start crying at any moment. I didn't know how to deal with that, so I just walked into my bedroom and shut the door. I flipped the lock. I should have used that last night. It took almost an hour for my brain to begin processing what had happened. It took about an hour after that to come up with a plan. Beth never made an attempt to talk to me. I could hear her moving around out in the living room occasionally, but she never said anything to me. I picked up the phone and called the only person I could think of. An hour later, after I was showered and dressed, I answered the knock on the door. Beth was sitting on the couch. She'd changed into her own clothes, but still hadn't spoken to me. "Hey Todd, hey Kimmy," I said, as my friends walked in. Beth looked up startled. They had little Todd Jr with them. Oh yeah, Kimmy'd had a boy. He was damn cute too. "Hey you," Kimmy said affectionately, and wrapped her free, non-baby carrier holding arm around my neck. "What's going on?" Beth asked hesitantly. Todd spoke up. He'd dated Beth off and on for four years, but I knew he was totally devoted to being Kimmy's now. Kimmy knew too, which was better. And important. "You're going to come stay with us for a bit. Kimmy could use help with the baby, and you need a place to stay, right?" He said with his typical 'Cheerful Todd in charge of the situation' voice. Beth look at me with hurt and fear, I just nodded, "I'm sorry Beth, you can't stay here any more." I said firmly. She started to cry. I let Kimmy handle it and I just walked out of my apartment. I'd already explained everything to them on the phone. I waited down in the parking lot. About twenty minutes later the three of them came down and loaded Beth and her stuff up in Todd's ... minivan? He gave me the old bro slap, and I gave it back. It's weird to bro hand slap in front of a minivan, but Todd made it work. "I got this bro. You go take care of business," he said. I just nodded. Thank God for Todd, you know? He got it. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 18 I went back up to my apartment. I was struck by the urgency to go now. But I knew it was better to wait. To let her cool off. I'd go over tomorrow. Besides, I had a stop to make at my mother's first. My mother gave me what I asked for without the slightest hesitation, she just squeezed me very tight. Stan shook my hand and wished me luck. Not a bad guy Stan, he made my mother happy at least. I drove over to the beach house the next day. I'd called her mom to confirm she was in fact staying there. She was. I knew she would be. It was her home. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer, so I walked around back and saw her sitting out near the water. I'd some how managed to time things so that the sun was setting as I arrived. Perfect. I walked up to her slowly. My heart was beating so loud I could feel it pulsing in my neck and wrists. "Abby?" I said as I got about ten feet away. She turned around. Her face had such hurt on it, that my whole practiced speech just sort of fell apart like so much crumbling ash slipping through my fingers. Instead I went with the first thing I could grasp onto. "Two roads diverged in yellow wood," I said. She followed me with a wary - yet hopeful - eye. I had a chance. I knelt down next to her. "I owe you - so much. Not the least of which is the mother of all apologies. For the way I left things when you went to New York. For what you saw yesterday, for what it meant," I said. This wasnot a conversation to fuck up. She still hadn't said anything. "But I'm not going to apologize for those things. They would just be words," I said. I still had nothing of the speech I'd practiced. I was totally winging it. I thought I might pass out. "You were right. You're always right Abbs. There's nothing to figure out. I love you. You love me. Everything else is just sand on the wind," I said, I reached into my pocket. "Jack," she started to say, her tone sounded like she was about to turn this around, to tell me there was no coming back from what had happened. I'd been terrified that's what she'd say. I held up my mother's wedding ring. Her voice caught dead in her throat. Speechless was good, it gave me a little more time to talk. "I love you Abby," luckily I was already kneeling, "Will you marry me?" She stared at the ring, and then at me. Her eyes filled with tears. I couldn't tell if they were good tears or bad tears. I started to panic. She was being awfully quiet. Then. She gave a little shriek and leapt up and tackled me. I was poorly balanced, I went back in the sand tangled up in her. She kissed my lips, my cheeks, my eyes, anything she could. Then she sobbed and sat up on my chest and pounded her fists down on my chest a few times. "Fucking took you long enough, Don Juan," she blurted out. I sat up with a grin and grabbed her wrists, pulling them away from her body and kissed her, very softly on the lips. She melted into me. The universal tapestries and all that. "It was always you, Abigayle, it was always you," I said. She grinned, "Liar," but her voice was soft and affectionate. A just for me voice. "Is that a yes?" I smirked. She broke into tearful laughter, "Of course yes!" Then we went back to the beach house and had crazy I missed you sex. # We're taught through movies and books, all stories really - even Shakespeare was guilty, and before him, the Greeks he'd ripped off. That stories end with a wedding. That they end with graduation, commencement, or the end of a journey. The guy and girl get each other, they get the good jobs, and life ends right? Sure the credits roll, and you sometimes get the impression that things are going to beHappily Ever After for the couple. We get up and walk out of the theater, or put the book down, and that's the end of the story. Its why we fear commitment. Movies and stories have taught us that once the credits roll on the rice tossing, your life is over; the credits are rolling, you're frozen in time during the last frame. But it's hardly ever the end of the story. Life moves on, dragging you behind it like Achilles dragging Hector behind his chariot. The sun sets on a proposal, rises again on the morning after, sets again on six months of wedding planning, and rises again on a late summer wedding. Sometimes it's all just context for the rest your life. Context is everything friends. In stories. In relationships. In life. Context is everything. There's a little more left to this story, if you haven't forgotten by now. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 19 & Epilouge Author's note and acknowledgements This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now. I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat. When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it? I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it. So I spent another year trying to sell it. Well nothing happened. And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction. So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good." So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life. So NEXT, some disclaimers. This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life. So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway. If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me. ***** Abby and I were married on my birthday. At the beach house of course, there was no place else to have it, it was our favorite place in the world. Except maybe that tiny little hostel room in Germany. Abby had not smiled when I suggested that. Neither Beth, nor Anna, had showed up for the wedding. In fact, Beth had taken off from Kimmy and Todd's within a week of arriving; about the time Abby and I had announced our engagement. It was better that way I think, but it hurt to think I might have lost two of my friends forever. I worried especially about Beth. Not that I told Abby that. But I think she was worried too, once she settled into the idea I wasn't going anywhere. That took a while. The wedding was small actually, and fairly informal. Neither of us had wanted a big production. Friends and family, though there was hardly a difference at this point. Todd and Kimmy were the best man and groom. My mom held Little Todd during the ceremony. She flashed me quite a few grandmother comments during the reception. I think letting her hold the baby had been a bad idea. Our honeymoon was short. I was starting my first teaching position in less than a week after the ceremony. We spent the four days alone at the beach house and pretended we were in Croatia again. In an overwhelming display of generosity, Abby's parents gave her - us, the beach house as a wedding gift. I didn't want to take it, but I was overruled. Abby was raised by lawyers after all. I've gotten used to the idea. It's a beautiful house. Also of being overruled a lot. That's my wife. Life was good. And as life does when it's good; it suddenly got complicated. Beth called. # Abby answered the phone this time. "Hello?" she answered cheerfully from her position on my lap. We were watching the Green Hornet. The old black and white one obviously. There was a female voice, I figured it was wither Kimmy or one of her other girlfriends. "Beth?" she said after a second. I looked down. "Beth calm down, I can't understand you..." Abby said again. Now that I was listening I could hear sobbing girl voice. Abby sat all the way up. I paused the movie and watched expectantly. Abby and I had been married less than a month. We were still getting used to the idea of the title changes; 'husband', 'wife', though to be honest it hadn't changed much about our behavior toward one another. She listened for a second, "No Beth, we'll be right there. Hold on." It must be life or death if Abby was willing to drop everything and rush to Beth's side. She hadn't exactly been Beth's biggest fan since, well. Yeah. "Got it," she wrote down something in a piece of paper. I only recognized one word from the scrawling. "Hospital" I got up and grabbed my keys. I made the forty minute drive in about twenty minutes. I rushed into the front desk, Abby just steps behind me. "Elizabeth Jenkins," I blurted to the nurse. She typed it into her computer and then pointed to the elevator, "Third floor, maternity" she said. Wait. I stopped, I'd already taken two steps toward the ER. Maternity? "There's no rush, sir, she's not due for a couple of hours yet according to her file." Wait. Huh? Abby took my hand and we walked to the elevator. In the elevator, Abby whispered, "Oh god Jack..." I didn't say anything. "It's been eight months... Almost exactly eight and a half months." I didn't say anything. She squeezed my hand. We were directed to a room near the back of the maternity ward. As I entered the room the first person I saw - was Anna. She looked terrible. Her hair was cut very short, punkish. It was died white with blue and pink tips, which didn't look half bad. But she looked like she'd lost twenty pounds. Her figure was almost gone. She looked strung out. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, but not from crying. She got up out of the chair as I walked in. Beth was on the bed. She had an IV in, and was sitting upright and awake, but she looked like she'd been crying a lot recently. Her face was pale and pallid. Abby walked in behind me and froze. "Hey guys," Anna said after a couple of seconds of terrible tension. I swallowed with great difficulty. "Hello Jack," Beth said with a tiny voice, "I thought you should be here to sign the birth certificate." It had been life or death. Life, as it turned out. # About twenty minutes later, Abby and I were downstairs in the lobby, getting some terrible coffee from a vending machine. Anna was standing with us. She acted awkward and out of place. She was. "I kept telling her to call you," Anna said. She sounded stoned. Not a lot, but a little. She smelled like marijuana. Abby wasn't looking at her. She was looking everywhere but her. Though, she wasn't looking at me either. "She's been staying with you then?" I asked. My voice was cold. I was in shock still. Anna nodded and stuck her hands in her back pockets. "Kurt didn't know me, and then she got a job working at the record store I do, so it was convenient for both of us. Then we, well she, figure out, well, you know..." she nodded up the maternity ward. I sighed. Abby said, at last, "Is there any chance it's not Jack's? Has there been anyone else?" she blurted out. I winced. Anna shrugged, almost indifferently "Not unless she was preggers already when she and Jack hooked up. In which case she's farther along than the doctor's think. But there hasn't been anyone since that I know of." I sighed. I knew it was mine. The timing was perfect. And Beth had been having her period when she first started staying with me. Hey, I notice these things when I hadn't had a girl staying with me in months. Abby sighed and crossed her arms tightly. Anna rubbed the back of her head, "So. Got married huh?" Abby ignored her. I nodded, "Yeah, a month ago." Anna nodded like this was just total casual party talk, not like neither Abby or I hadn't seen her in two and a half years, or that the last we'd heard she was in rehab - which obviously hadn't worked - or that Beth wasn't upstairs about to give birth to... my child. "Congrats. I'd have gone, but uh, my invitation must have been lost in the mail," she said. There was an edge to it. Like she thought she was being clever. Abby shook her head and walked back to the elevators, "No, we only invited friends and family," she said. I grimaced. Anna looked like Abby had slapped her in the face. I suppose she had. "Sorry about that, " I mumbled. Anna shrugged, "No, she's right. I've been wrapped up in my own shit. We were done and they all picked you over me. I was shocked as shit when Beth showed up. But I guess it didn't take long to figure out why. All her other friend's had turned her away." "Oh, fuck off, Anna!" I hadn't meant to shout it, but a couple of nurses looked at me. I lowered my voice again, "No one chose sides except you. Kimmy has been out of her mind worrying about Beth. We all have. She just disappeared. Not unlike someone else I know." Anna didn't say anything, but I could see I'd gotten under her skin. We had a way of doing that to each other. I walked back to the elevator. Anna didn't follow me back up. Abby was sitting in the room with Beth and they were talking quietly. I don't know about what. I've never asked. But they shut up in a hurry when I walked in. "I'm so sorry Jack, I should have told you months ago. I was just so afraid..." Beth started, I held up my hand. "You're right, you should have. But what's done is done," I said. Really, it was that simple to me. I guess Abby saw the look on my face, because she didn't try to say anything either. # A few hours later, I was a father. Abby and I were both in the delivery room. Anna had left again. I didn't care. We were both there when you were born Lizzy. Abby and I were both there. # When they came back to me with the paper work, my name was on the birth certificate as the natural born father. There was a place for me to sign. I picked up the pen. Abby said, "Jack." her voice was strangled, terrified. I just looked at her. "You... you don't have to sign it. Not right away, not ever. We don't have any proof..." she said. She was desperate. She was terrified of losing me, I could see utter panic in her eyes. "There isn't anyone else it could be Abbs," I said in my soft, my just for her voice. "That may be true, but you sign it now, and that's it. You wait, and we have options. Let me call my father..." she said. I hardened my gaze, "Abby, you've known Beth longer than anyone. Longer than me. Longer than Anna or Kimmy. Since Kindergarten. She's been your best friend for nearly twenty years. You tell me. Is she lying?" I locked my gaze with hers. My wife's. She lost it, she buried her face against my hand. "God Jack - please - please, I can't lose you again, I can't." she pleaded. I set the pen down and lifted her face up. I took my other hand and wiped her tears away. "Shh baby." I said softly. A new note to my just for her voice. A just for my wife note, my partner, my best friend forever. "All this means is I acknowledge I'm that tiny baby girl's father. Not that I am leaving with Beth, not that I am leaving you. Is it complicated? Yes. Is it a mess. A total fucked up mess. Will we figure it out together? Yes. I believe in us Abby. I believe in you and me," I said. I kissed her. She kissed me back. A total surrender of all of your heart and soul kiss. In a lot of ways it may have been the most heartfelt and intimate kiss we've ever shared. A kiss that hangs up in the space-time tapestry of my life - of our lives. Maybe even the center piece of the whole story. It's hard for me to see the whole picture most of the time. I signed the piece of paper. Then I went to go see my daughter. # Abby stood with me outside the glass, holding my hand. She's been there from the very first second. Sharing my hopes and fears. Sharing it all. Elizabeth Abigayle Wallington was born at 12:42am on September 22nd 2000. One year to the date from the last day of the European adventure Abby and I had taken across the pond. # I wish, desperately, with all of my heart and soul; my very being, that that is where the story ended. That is where the credits had rolled. But there is a little left after all, for the proper context. Context, my dear friends - my dear daughter, is everything. In stories, in relationships, in love, and in life. # It was Abby that said Beth should come and stay with us after you were born. After all, we had a six bedroom house that was paid for. It was a million times better than Anna's rat hole apartment. Abby clung tightly to me every night Seriously, I think she cinched herself to my chest like a vice-grip. I didn't mind. She and Beth even started falling back into their old best friends routines. It was terribly confusing for me sometimes. But I was satisfied with my choices. I had no regrets. It was not easy, but I was where I wanted to be. With Abby. I think Abby even started getting used to seeing me hold you. I know it killed her at first. I watched her heart break every time Beth passed you to me. But she never said anything. She even started holding you herself. I think the first time she did she finally broke down and let herself fall in love with you. Before long I could tell she was just as in love with you as I was. She sang to you out on the deck, swaying to the music of the surf and life. She gave herself to you, totally and completely. # Life, was something resembling good. # It was the screaming that woke me; loud and booming, a man's voice. I bolted down the stairs and froze at the bottom. In my living room, Beth was standing clutching Lizzy to her chest. The baby was crying, and there was a man standing across from her holding a gun. Kurt. "Is that my baby?!" he demanded. "No, she's not! Go away Kurt, just leave me alone!" Beth pleaded. Abby came down behind me. I put my arm out and stopped her. "Call the police," I said in a loud clear voice. Kurt jerked his gun in my direction. Abby froze. "You! I told you to stay away from her or I'd beat your ass!" he shouted. Lizzy was screaming. I did not feel anything like fear. It was rage. But it was cold, calculating, rage. I had to keep his gun on me. I stood in front of Abby. "You need to go, Kurt," I said as calmly as I could manage. I wanted to leap off the stairs and rip his throat out. "I'm taking Beth and my kid with me!" he shouted, he went back to pointing the gun at the two of them. "They aren't going anywhere with you," I said in a super calm voice. Kill. Rip. Shred "She's not your Kurt! She's..." Beth looked me. "Mine," said Abby loudly, "She's mine and Jack's." "YOU LYING BITCH!" Kurt gestured with the gun. I took a couple of steps forward, ready to leap in front of my wife or daughter if need be. That was the whole of my thought. My daughter. My wife. Not Beth. My brain was not frozen, it was working, a million miles an hour. I was calculating the time since he'd come in, probably tripping the silent alarm. Calculating the amount of time since the missed confirmation call from the security company. Calculating the response time based on the average patrol path through the neighborhood. Calculating that we still had way too long to wait. We needed seven to ten minutes. We had maybe ninety seconds before this got out of hand. "She's right," I said calmly, "The baby girl is mine and my wife's. Please leave her out of this." Lizzy screamed. Kurt was obviously drunk and or high. Probably both. "Yes, that's what I've been telling you!" Beth pleaded. "Let me just set her down..." she went to set Lizzy down on the couch. "STOP!" He yelled. I took another few steps forward. He pointed the gun at me. I heard it go off. I didn't hear Beth scream. I didn't hear anything else. I just heard the gun shot. I was having a hard time standing. My legs weren't working right anymore. I tried to grab the banister to hold myself up. "JACK!" I heard Abby scream. There was a new note in her voice. Total. Terror. I tried to tell her I was fine, the bullet had missed me, but as I was sinking to the floor I felt a cold spot in my upper thigh. I looked down and saw bright red. Ha, only a leg shot. Heroes get shot in the leg all the time, I was fine. I could still kick this mother fucker's ass. James motherfucking Bond. I fell face first on the ground. Beth was screaming. Kurt pulled on her hair. I watched - like on a movie - as Abby swept in and tried to help me. She was frantically pawing at my leg, trying to stop the bleeding. She kept telling me to stay with her. I don't think she understood I wasn't walking anywhere at the moment. "Abby, get Lizzy!" Beth. My wife scrambled up and tried to take the baby from Beth's outstretched arms. Kurt screamed again gestured wildly with his gun, "DON'T MOVE!" "Please don't take my daughter!" Abby pleaded, her voice wavering in terror and worry. He pointed the gun at my wife. I was going to kill him for that. I just needed to stand up. Abby faced down the madman with the gun, "Please," she pleaded, "My baby." Her voice trembled. Kurt jerked Beth over to hand Lizzy over. Abby swept our infant into her arms. Beth let out a strangled sob, and then Kurt started to drag her outside to his car. I heard another gunshot. The universal tapestry swam before my eyes, and I think I started to see the whole picture. Just for a second. Life is a series of moments. Etcetera. Etcetera. Freeze frame on the hero's face with the camera spinning up into an infinite star field. Fade to black. # When I was fifteen years old, a girl named Beth Jenkins asked me if I did any tutoring. All I'd be able to do was stare at her breasts. A decade later she gave birth to my daughter. It never rains in California. It rained for Beth's funeral. # They'd struggled for the gun on the front porch. He'd shot her. I still go to his parole hearings. He might be out in another ten years. The DA and the judge were friends of Abby's father. Maybe twenty. It had been Anna who told him where Beth was. He'd found her at a party when she was pretty wasted, and roughed her up a bit; enough that she'd spent some time in the hospital for a fractured rib and broken collar bone. I haven't spoken to her in ten years. But I probably don't blame her nearly as much as she blames herself. Todd told me a couple of years ago she was staying sober and running again. Training for nationals. I hope I can watch her on TV. I might even root for her. I Am Jack's Life Ch. 19 & Epilouge # Sunlight on my face roused me. Warm light from the sun setting over the pacific ocean brought me around to the present once more. The sound of the surf had lulled me into memories of the past. It has a way of doing that with me. I have a lot of memories tied up with the sound. Memories hung up in space and time. I looked out the window, Abby's SUV was pulling into the driveway of our beach house. It was late afternoon. The whole day had slipped by. Obviously Lizzy is too young to hear some of this. But had to tell her what I could. I got up to go greet my four girls in the driveway. I wondered what my father would do. Maybe I'd redact the naughty bits at least. Yeah, I'd definitely have to edit out the sex bits. Write it down. Maybe she could read it when she was older. Maybe it would give her context for her life. Context is everything after all. EPILOUGE Maybe this has helped, maybe it hasn't. All I know is that you needed to know the context. Yes, I loved your birth mother. Yes, you were an accident conceived in an emotional torrent. But yes, Abby is your mother too. She's been there from the moment you were born, to the moment your birth mother left this world, and every moment in between and since. Abby risked her life to save you. She's raised you, and cherished you, and loved you. I don't want to hear you say Abby's not your 'real' mother ever again. You have no idea what a real mother is. But we love you. Both of us. Totally and completely. You are one of the brightest spots in the tapestry of my life. The littlest things can be crossroads, and you can't take anything back, ever. We can never measure the impact of the choices we make until the consequences have long overrun us. Try to keep that in context the next time you open your mouth and words come out. But don't let this frighten you into silence either. For while we can never untangle the quantum possibility of our lives, neither can we measure the volume of the echo of unspoken words. Say what's in your heart, but try to speak from love, not meanness; not hate or anger or fear. Life is a series of moments hung one after another in the tapestry of space and time. The stuff the very universe is made of kiddo. Don't make a moment you'll look back on with regret. .finis.