1 comments/ 8857 views/ 1 favorites Full Circle Ch. 03 By: oOScarletWingsOo "Mr. Walsh would like you to join him in his office," Darla's syrupy voice called from the speakerphone. "I'll be right in." I made a stop in the men's room in route. Blue tie, white shirt, my look was appropriate but not overly stylish. I rebuked Danna's suggestion and went with what I would normally wear because this was a normal day. I didn't want to let on that I was tipped off in any way that I was going to be named the new vice president of the west coast market. I ran cold water into my palms then spread it into the stray strands of hair on the sides and back of my head. I scrutinized the gray that flecked my black hair. "Thrity-two and graying. About damn time you get what you've deserved for once," I said to my reflection. Mr. Walsh would think this announcement would be news to me so I practiced a few confident yet surprised expressions in the mirror then strode toward his office, which was at the junction of the north and west sides of the building. He'd wisely chosen to have floor to ceiling windows on each of the walls. They gave him a spectacular panoramic view of downtown and the sparkling bay. Martin's office was next door on the west side of the building. An office with a view was a perk I hadn't even considered. Being able to look out the window and see a sunset would ease the strain when working long days. "Go right in," Darla said when she saw me round the corner. The door was ajar. I could see Mr. Walsh standing at the window with his back to me. I knocked. "Come in. Have a seat." I did so and caught myself staring out the windows, thinking about how I would layout my office. It would be a big contrast to Mr. Walsh's modern decor, but with a little effort I could make it a place I didn't mind going into each day. "I'll get right to it, Paul." "Sir." "Martin has left the company. It's a rough time in that market and that's why we had to move quickly to fill that gap in personnel." "I completely understand, sir." I straightened my back. "The person we need has to not only know the market, but be extremely talented, motivated and progressive." I felt my chest puff out a little. I held in my jubilation because I was ready to jump up, shake Mr. Walsh's and thank him profusely when he said, "That's why I've chosen Marissa Lawrence to take the helm as vice president of the west coast market. You remember Marissa don't you, Paul?" Marissa walked into my peripheral vision. I was too focused on being dubbed the newest savior of this firm that I hadn't noticed her. She must have been sitting in the room the whole time. "It's going to be a pleasure working with you again, Paul." I looked from Mr. Walsh to Marissa. "Marissa Lawrence," I repeated slowly. I caught hold of my emotions before disbelief registered on my face. "I wanted you to be the first to know Paul because you'll be working very closely with Marissa through this transition." "Yes. Of course." I set myself on auto pilot while Walsh and Marissa prattled on about planning meetings, productivity reports and cash flow projections. Son of a bitch, I raged inside. "It's good to be working with you again, Marissa and...congratulations." I managed to say it without sneering. I bypassed her outstretched hand and patted her firmly on the shoulder. Marissa stepped forward to catch her balance. "Thank you Paul," Marissa said with a smile that was as dazzling as always. There was a glint in her eyes, one I hadn't ever seen before. If Walsh hadn't been in the room with us I would have questioned her point blank about what the fuck she thought she was doing. "Now, if you'll excuse me I'll get started on some these plans." I had almost made it to the door when Marissa called after me. "Paul. I've already got a list of topics we'll need to cover in order to make this a smooth transition. Let's do lunch and discuss it." I looked up and Walsh was still in earshot. I clinched the change in my pocket. I felt the grooved edges of dimes and quarters imprint into my palm. I managed an even toned response. "Will do." I walked briskly out of the office. I crossed paths with Finn Rush on the way to the elevator. He looked none too pleased. Had I not been the one to get fucked over right along with him, I would have taken pleasure in rubbing his humpty dumpty nose right in this corporate snub. I jabbed the down button for the elevator and paced the floor while I waited. Marissa Lawrence. "That bitch!" I hissed out loud. She surely succeeded in spinning me up this time. I couldn't keep myself from visualizing her having my champagne toast in my west office as she accepted my job. "Bitch!" I barked into the face of a woman who happened to be standing directly in front of me when the elevator doors finally opened. "Sorry. Not you." The woman shot me a look and gave me a wide berth when I entered the elevator. In my pocket my PDA went off. It was Danna messaging me with, "So? How did it go?" I responded with, "I didn't get it. I want to be alone tonight," then shut it off. On the ride down to the lower floors the realization hit me that along with Marissa becoming the new vice president she also became my boss. The elevator descended down to the lower floors. My stomach went down with it. * * * The following Thursday morning a meeting request appeared in my email box. The subject was "Market Transitions and Tolerance Modules." The location was The Lotus. The sender was Marissa Lawrence. My pointer hovered over "Decline" for the briefest of seconds. I reasoned that this wasn't the way to handle this. She'd likely tell Walsh that I was being uncooperative and then where would I be? I clicked "Accept." A hunger for answers overpowered my hunger for The Lotus's soba noodles. I was motivated to arrive at The Lotus promptly. I sat waiting in the mahogany lacquered foyer of The Lotus for what felt like an hour before Marissa literally blew in. A gust of wind burst in behind her when she entered the foyer. Curled tresses of her hair danced out from her head like the serpent heads of Medusa. "Whoa," she said. The door shut behind her with a bang and her wild mane was instantly tamed. Had it not, I would have gladly severed her head to help the cause. A hostess dressed in a blue silk kimono greeted us with a heavily accented, demure voice, "I'm Mayuko. This way please." She led Marissa and me down the narrow corridor between the tatami rooms. Mayuko showed us ours by pulling back a sliding door and bowing in wait for us to enter. Marissa and I slipped out of our shoes. The woven floor covering caused our footsteps to make soft woosh-woosh-woosh sounds as we made our way to the rectangular chabudai table. Marissa selected the magenta colored zabuton pillow to sit upon. I opted for the one directly across from her. The hostess's delicate gait made her appear to float to our table on the rippling blue current of her kimono. The embroidered stork on the front tilted its head this way and that with each step. Mayuko's face was porcelain white like a new cherry blossom and her lips were pale pink. Her black hair gleamed. It was combed off her face and secured into a tight complicated knot on her head. As she poured our tea, I watched her closely, tantalized by her graceful movements. She held the sleeve of her kimono in such a way that it didn't brush any other object on the table. Her movements revealed a thumb's width of pale white skin on her wrist. My eyes moved up her arm to her equally pale neck. I was suddenly struck by the fascination old school Japanese men held for their geisha as my mind worked overtime to fill in the gaps in what I couldn't see. The unknown was powerful. Nothing was more erotic than what you could imagine. I watched her arm stretch further to pour tea into Marissa's cup. More skin of her arm was revealed to me. I saw faded black lines farther up her wrist that said to me they were the outlines of a tattoo. I couldn't imagine a geisha in Kyoto blemishing her delicate skin with a tattoo. Her spell on me was broken. Upon finishing Mayuko bowed and exited silently. When the door closed behind the hostess Marissa spoke. "I never lied." That being said, I was surprise we were in the position we were in. She was going to explain herself now, but started with an issue that was the least of my concerns. I responded anyway. "I would consider omission a lie Marissa." "If I told you why I was back I knew you wouldn't have lunch with me. Let alone -- "Fuck you?" Marissa sipped her tea. Her demeanor was too cool for my taste. I thought back to the panties in her bag. "Well, you've certainly fucked me. Twice. I feel like I owe you one." "Promise?" Her lip curled into a smirk. My heart and head were raging with anger at her premeditated nature. Despite the rage that was building in my heart my loins were stoked by the simple implication that we'd fuck. I owe you the grudge fuck of your life, I thought to myself, but said, "No doubt. Now, Marissa, you owe me answers." She smiled at this then opened her mouth to speak. "And I don't mean bullshit. The truth." "Okay." Our waitress breezed in and took our orders. Marissa ordered some chicken dish I couldn't stand and I opted for California rolls and soba noodles. The waitress exited silently. "Of all the reasons to come back you come back to take my job?" "Your job? Paul, really?" My eyes bore into her like lasers. "I see why you might think that, but --" "You were under me the last time you worked for this firm." "Walsh knows that. He was brought in eight months after I left. What he certainly doesn't know is how often I was under you." "Our affair was a mistake." I never thought I would say it. Even in the months after Marissa left when I was hurting like no other time in my life. I didn't regret our time together. Here and now, having her use it against me made me want to take every sweaty, decadent moment back. "I should have kept our relationship professional. My mistake." I looked at Marissa. For a split second I saw her cool expression crack before she looked down into her hot tea. "You were supposed to be my mentor, Paul." "There were times we did more than just fuck, Marissa, so don't go giving me some shit story like I took advantage of you." She continued on as if I hadn't said anything. "I was supposed to be growing professionally, being groomed for your position but our relationship," she said the word like it was poison in her mouth, "got in the way. You got promoted, that crackpot Kenny got your old job and I got left behind. That's why I left." I felt the dagger in my back turn. "You are un-fucking-believable. You knew full well I didn't have the pull to bump you up." My mind pulled out the file way back in my mind of Marissa walking out my life and I felt a new dagger in my heart. "All this time you made me think that you left because of something between us." "That was between us. You knew I deserved to be at the next level." I was dumbstruck for a moment. I couldn't believe that I was going to have to explain to Marissa the difference between our office relationship and our private relationship. Surely she knew the difference, but looking into her stone cold face now, it was obvious she didn't. "So now you are here to prove it?" I said. "Aren't I proving it?" Her cool, haughty tone returned. Looking at her self-satisfied smirk made me want to reach across the table and shake her. "In three years, I've managed to not only make up the ground I lost in the industry working with you but I've successfully landed a position with the prestige and compensation I deserve." I had to laugh. "Excuse me, but that is funny. Deserve?" She continued. "And when I glanced at the organization chart this makes me your boss." "Like hell!" "It's a good thing we already have a rapport with each other." She raised her tea cup to me in a toast. "Oh no. If you think I'm going to roll over and take this you got another thing comin'." I gripped the edge of the table. I felt so angry I wanted to flip it over on top of her. "Don't hurt my feelings like this Paul. You're making it sound like you don't want to work with me. We'll be a team. It'll be like old times." She reached across the table to take my hand. I snatched it away. "We'll be working very closely with one another. Late evenings. Extended lunches. All under the guise that we'll be bringing the west coast division out of the shambles it's in now." Marissa looked around at the white papered walls set inside deep stained wood frames then rose to her feet. "You used to like coming here to The Lotus. Didn't you point out that these tables were the perfect height so that when I sat on it, spread open for you, it would give you the best penetration?" She walked to my side of the table and stood close to me. Her upper thigh pressed against my shoulder. I shook my head. "Don't be so uptight, Paul. You seem to be taking this so personal." Her finger tickled my hairline. "I know I still get to you." Marissa lowered herself to crouch down beside me. "If fucking you in your car told me anything it's that we may have even gotten better. You came so hard," she whispered in my ear. Her lips were so close to my face that each word she spoke was a kiss. "I had cum dripping down my leg on the way up to my room." Her hand tugged on my tie. I wanted it to be my cock. That perfume warmed by her skin drifted up to me. I knew she dotted it on the tops of her breasts, up her throat and behind her ears. I wanted to visit those fragrant spaces with my mouth. She was right. She did still get to me. Despite how wretched I thought she was she had me wanting her again. I looked her up and down. I briefly wondered about the lingerie she was wearing and knew that I could take note of the ensemble later. She wanted it. And I was going to give it to her. I pushed the place setting out of the way. Tea splashed into puddles on the table top. Marissa sat down. The table creaked in protest but it held under her weight. She reached under the hem of her skirt while I rose to my knees to unfasten my trousers. Marissa let her panties dangle around one ankle, propped her heels on the edge of the table then leaned back. I was hard in an instant from seeing that wanton pose. Her cool, mocking expression was replaced with carnal attention. She watched me guide my full head over her deliciously soft pussy lips. I applied pressure and parted them. The head of my cock received a wet welcome. My balls tightened with the urge to blast her with their contents. I closed my eyes and thought about rats running in the restaurant's kitchen and chicken carcasses hanging in rows, waiting to become our lunch, until I was steady enough to feed her hungry cunt with my shaft. The sliding door opened. Marissa and I both looked to see a crimson faced waitress cast her eyes down and mutter something in Japanese before she slammed the door shut. Marissa's smile was lazy like she was drunk on our lust. Her head fell back. The buttons on her blouse strained to remain closed. I licked her along the succulent line of her throat and continued down into the v-ed opening of her blouse all the while I entered her deeply, rocking the plates and saucers on the table top. Soon Marissa's moans joined the musical clink-clink-clink. "These walls are paper thin Marissa," I said into her throat. "Let them hear you." Marissa lifted her chest and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Come on. Sing for them." I imagined Mayuko and the waitress standing outside of the room, listening, shy at first but growing curious. Their blushes would burn their checks and color other parts of their body. Perhaps the sounds of our fucking were penetrating the crape like wall coverings and drifting to other tables, interrupting business discussions or even inspiring other couples to finish their lunches sooner in order to leave and start some hot action of their own. I gripped her hips. My fingertips dug into her skin and I rooted myself into her. "Let them know what a fucking slut you are Marissa." Her breath caught in her throat as I penetrated her past the point that was comfortable for her. I withdrew only a tiny bit before filling her again. I pulled Marissa into my lap and used her weight to aid my intention to fill her thoroughly. Once I did she sang a chorus of gasps, oh's and ah's. There could be no mistaking what the commotion coming from our room was now. "My God!" I brought my hands up to her mouth. She sucked my middle and index finger. Watching her made me want to have three cocks to fill her slutty holes. The thought drove me to fuck her harder. My thumb pressed into her lips and across her cheek, leaving a dark smudge of lipstick behind, then I used the two fingers she moistened with her mouth to caress her asshole. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh." Marissa nodded. I applied pressure to her asshole. In response, Marissa's pussy clamped down on me like a vice. My legs began to cramp from the position we were in. "Turn around. Bend over the table." Without hesitation Marissa leaned against the table. She tugged her skirt up over her slim hips. I braced myself with her shoulders. I felt a sense of urgency to finish. To hell with Marissa's pleasure, I thought. Pleasure wasn't what I owed her. I took hold of Marissa's dark hair at the nape of her neck and pulled back until she called out. For what felt like ten minutes I drove my shaft as deep and as hard as I could deliver. The full force of my body was behind every stroke. I rattled the dishes off the table. Marissa was a whimpering mess when I stood up and aimed my load at her backside. The first gushes missed their mark and landed in her hair and along the back of her blouse and skirt. The last few were bull's eyes. My body was convulsing and pleasantly numb for several seconds. I reached for a napkin from the table and wiped up. Marissa cleared her throat. "Tell me we're not done. And that's we meaning me." She rubbed her fingers between her legs then sampled them. The moment I had my cock and shirt tails tucked in, the door flung open and in burst a short Japanese man with a very shiny and very angry face. Mayuko and the waitress were gathered behind him. Their faces were red with laughter. "I demand you leave. Never patronize my restaurant again!" I looked from the angry manager to Marissa who had smoothed down her skirt and was tending to the freshly gelled strands of hair. "No problem," I said, "I wasn't hungry anyway." Full Circle Ch. 03 AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the final chapter of this story, and of the entire Steelman cycle. It's hard to believe it's done, and even harder to believe it's taken me more than fifteen years. I've aged along with the characters, and lost friends just as they have. I never thought I could work same-sex marriage into the story as a realistic plot device, but I've been happily proved wrong. I'm not sure at the moment that I'll write any more about anything, it's gotten so difficult, but whatever happens, I thank you readers for your generous support and feedback along the way. K.N. ***** Kevin and Lucas sat on a stone bench in the small garden next to the Steelman College chapel. Lucas brushed a tear away with one hand. "That was the last time we talked. Will never regained consciousness. He died a few days later." "Oh, Luke," Kevin said, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I'm so sorry." Lucas paused to collect himself. "We had a small memorial service in California. No one from Will's family came, even though I made sure an obit was placed in his hometown paper in Texas. I wrote his ex-wife. Will had her contact info, I guess to talk about the kids. "It's so sad that he never got to see them again." Lucas gave a short, bitter laugh. "Isn't it, though? I did communicate with Jenny eventually-through lawyers. Will was careful to leave me what remained of his estate, which turned out to be a lot-he'd been very successful for quite a few years. You can guess the rest. She contested the will, saying that I seduced him, that our marriage was a sham, blah blah blah. She really had no chance since we got married in California and it was legal there. Even so I settled on the advice of my lawyer so it wouldn't drag on and on. Will's children did deserve something." "Jesus, I had no idea. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." Lucas shook his head. "That's sweet, but it's not like you haven't had your own stuff to deal with." Kevin sighed. "No argument there." "It must have been terrible." Lucas' eyes were somber. "Believe it or not, it could've been worse." Kevin smiled in spite of himself at the memory. "Lots of people with Alzheimer's become depressed or violent. Fly into rages or try and kill themselves. Who can blame them, really? "I was lucky, in a way. Jon had his moments, but not many. Mostly he was-well, gracious. Even after he had forgotten who everyone was-including me-he was sweet. Almost like a pet that knows somehow that you're trying to help them." His eyes filled, but by now Kevin hardly noticed. He kept talking, remembering. "Alzheimer's patients can linger for years, until they're completely incapacitated. I'll always be glad Jon was spared that. He was getting worse, no doubt about it. After a while he had to be in a wheelchair. He really couldn't talk to anyone anymore. He was having trouble eating. "One day he began to cough and run a temperature. At first we thought it was just a cold, but it was pneumonia, probably from a bit of food he'd inhaled. They treated him, but he didn't respond-just got sicker and sicker. I was there as much as I could but he slept most of the time, and when he was awake he didn't seem to know anyone. Early one morning I got a call. Jon had died in his sleep during the night. Very peacefully, they said." Once again Lucas put his arms around his friend, trying somehow to assuage his grief. He stroked Kevin's hair gently. In response, Kevin took Lucas' face in his hands. Lucas felt lips on his, at first gentle, then increasingly passionate. Suddenly a powerful feeling that this was wrong swept over him, taking him by surprise. He pulled away from Kevin's embrace and rose quickly from the bench, turning his back. "What's the matter?" Kevin asked behind him. His tone was puzzled and a little hurt. Lucas turned. His smile was pained. "Sorry. Nothing. I-can't explain everything right now. Shall we head on home?" He left the garden, Kevin following slowly behind. It was a simple service at the local funeral home. The director was a model of solicitude from the moment he met Kevin and saw the gold ring on his finger. The chaplain from Steelman presided. The attendees were made up of the friends they had made as a couple and members of the Steelman community: Marcia, faculty, staff, and a few students and alumni. Kevin hadn't expected any of either his or Jon's families to attend. He had dreaded the thought of speaking at the funeral, but somehow his feet got him to the podium and in front of the mourners. He stammered, and once or twice his voice wavered, but he managed not to break down. He felt absurdly proud of himself-Jon would have complimented him. As he finished his eulogy Kevin caught sight of someone he did not immediately place sitting in the back row. It was a woman, gray-haired, dressed in decorously dark but nevertheless stylish clothing. It was her eyes that caused a shiver of recognition to run through him. They were dark brown, with a peculiar intensity. At the moment the service ended Kevin rose from his place in the front row of the assembly and moved swiftly down the aisle, toward the entrance. As he thought, the woman was already out the door-she was intending to leave without speaking. He caught up to her on the sidewalk and at the last moment, touched her arm gently instead of grabbing it. "Hello... please. Could I at least thank you for coming?" She wheeled and met his eyes. For a moment Kevin thought she was going to slap his hand away and make a run for it. Instead her shoulders sagged and she sighed. "I should never have come. I knew I wouldn't just be able to slip in and out." "For Pete's sake, you're welcome at your own brother's funeral. That's who you are, right? Jon's sister?" "Yes. I don't suppose he ever told you my name." Kevin scratched his head, embarrassed. "Truth is he did once, but I've forgotten. A lot has happened in the last few years. Not that that's an excuse." "I'm Rebecca. Rebecca Evans Johnson." Kevin said eagerly, "Please, won't you stay for a little bit? I have to see other people right now, but I'd really like to talk to you. Please." A hint of a smile played around her lips. "Don't see why. But okay." Later they sat in the living room of Kevin's and Jon's house, cups of hastily made tea in front of them. "This is a nice place. Jon must have had a good life." "I like to think he did," Kevin said, choosing his words carefully. "He achieved a lot. He was a fine teacher. His students respected him. Some have gone on to great careers. He was my professor, you know. That's how I met him." He stopped, overwhelmed by the day and the effort of describing Jon in a few words. Rebecca voiced his unspoken thoughts. "You don't have to tell me everything right now. I know Jon must have been a great man. I always looked up to him when we were little. He was quite a bit older than me. My big brother." She smiled at the memory. "I'm glad you came today, but-" Kevin hesitated, but was determined to ask. "Why didn't you come before this?" She looked at him with eyes suddenly filled with pain. "How much did he tell you about me? About his family?" "Not much. I know that your parents disowned him when he told them he was gay." There was silence, then Rebecca sighed. "That's a bit harsh, but not far from the truth. Our parents were very conservative, very religious. The old story. They told Jon that he was a sinner and bound for hell. He had to repent and convert, or cut himself off from the family." Kevin snorted. "Convert? As if anyone could." "Jon was so brave. I was upstairs the night it happened. He was home on vacation from college. I had been sent to bed, but I could hear their voices, arguing. Finally I heard him say, "If that's the way you feel, then this is the last time you'll see me.' I should have run downstairs then, begged him not to leave. But I was young-just nine years old. I couldn't believe he would walk out the door and never come back. "I did see him once after that. I had just gotten out of school one day and saw him in his car, waiting near the entrance. He got out and came toward me. "Becca," he said. But it was too late. Our parents told me that my brother had been taken by the devil, and been banished. I was not to see him or talk to him or the devil would get me too. I believed them. When I saw him I began to run, hard. He chased me, but then he gave up. I looked back once. He was standing there, panting, this awful, sad look on his face. I'll never forget it." Her eyes were pleading. "Try to understand. I was young and living at home, totally dependent on my parents. I couldn't break away then, or for a long time. "They did let me go to college. It was a Bible school of course. They thought I'd stay out of trouble and meet some nice man as God-fearing as they were. Even so it opened my mind. I met some people there, they were conservative, yes, but not like my parents. Eventually I began to see how wrong my mother and father had been to send Jon away." "So why didn't you try and reconnect with him then?" Rebecca shook her head. "I don't know. I didn't really know where he had gone, or whether he'd even want to see me. "By then I was living out of state. I got a computer, learned about the internet. I looked online, found him in articles about Steelman. He seemed happy. I didn't want to bring back painful memories for him." Kevin stared at her. "It pained him terribly that he had lost you. He hardly ever spoke about you, and when he did I could tell how difficult it was for him." He sighed. "Still, he never tried to contact you either, did he. It's not like he couldn't have tried." Rebecca's eyes glistened. "I heard that he had retired, and that the reason was-he was failing. I wanted so much to come see him, but I was afraid. Afraid he wouldn't recognize me, or that he would... and lash out at me for abandoning him. Cutting him off like our parents did." Kevin's voice was hard. "You know, don't you, that I took care of him, mostly by myself? Here at home as long as I could, then when it became too much to handle, I put him in assisted living. Went to see him, took him out to eat, brought him back home every week, even after he forgot that it was home. Till death do us part. We got married, did you know that? We were very happy. Except for that. He never got over how his family abandoned him, Rebecca. Including you." She began to cry, quietly. "I don't blame you for being angry. I waited too long and now I'll never get the chance to tell him how sorry I am." Even as Kevin gazed at her, impassive, he wondered why he could feel no pity or empathy for Jon's sister. "You'll have to live with that." As they approached his house Kevin saw a familiar old pickup truck parked on the street, just in front of the driveway. His heart leaped, then sank. He hadn't planned on having this meeting quite so soon, but it was too late now. He pulled into his driveway. Ryan was sitting on the front steps. He rose to his feet as Kevin and Lucas got out of the car. "Oh, hey," he said as they approached. "Just stopped by to see if you were here. Guess this isn't a good time." Feeling awkward, Kevin made introductions. "Luke, this is, uh, Ryan. He's been cleaning my pool." Ryan smiled, but added nothing, to Kevin's relief. "Welcome to Texas. Or welcome back to Texas." He turned to Kevin. "I'll call you." "Nice guy," Lucas said as they watched him drive off. "Cute, too." Kevin didn't answer as he unlocked the front door and carried Lucas' bag into the house. "Have you ever stayed here? There's a separate wing on this side-almost a complete apartment. Has its own bath and everything." "So I'm a guest." Something in Lucas' voice made Kevin turn. "Yes. What else did you have in mind?" When Lucas didn't respond his eyes narrowed. "Luke, what's bugging you? Back at school just now I sure got the feeling you didn't want anything else." "Well-" Lucas paused, frustrated. If he couldn't even figure out how he was feeling how could he explain it to Kevin? Kevin shrugged. "Still the same after all these years, isn't it? Luke, this time he's not coming back." Anger suddenly rose in him. "I guess you're over Jon, judging from the studly college boy you've taken up with." Kevin's brows rose. "Yes. I'm sleeping with Ryan. Is that a problem?" "My god, Kevin. How long has it been since Jon passed? A year and a half?" Kevin's eyes flashed. "So I'm not observing the proper mourning period? You know, maybe Will was right. You have gotten stiff and judgmental." "Don't you talk about him!" Kevin drew back, shocked at the fury in Lucas' voice. He raised his hands. "Okay, okay, that was out of line. I'm sorry. Let's just chill a little, relax, change the subject, okay? I'll get us something to drink. What do you say?" Lucas was still shaking, amazed as he had been so often in his life at the emotions that had erupted seemingly from nowhere. "I'm sorry," he said. He willed himself to calm down. Kevin stared at him a moment longer, then turned toward the kitchen. After a moment, Lucas followed. They sat stiffly, nursing the glasses of wine Kevin had poured. Finally Kevin said, "So you have any other plans while you're here? Look up any other Steelman alums?" Lucas shrugged. "Hadn't thought about it. I haven't really kept up with many people other than you and Will. Truth is, I was kind of a hermit at Steelman." He stared into space, then shifted. "Actually, there is someone I'd like to see. Joe, Will's swimming coach. Is he still around?" "Wojchowski? Retired, years ago. Don't know if he's still around these parts, but I can check." Kevin rose, eager to break the tension between them. "Let me search the Steelman directory. There's one that's password-protected. They started letting me have access when Jon became too sick and I had to take over power of attorney, and as far as I know I still have it." They sat in Kevin's office, in front of his computer. "There he is. Still lives in town, apparently. Want to give him a call?" Lucas hesitated, then nodded. He took out his cell phone. "You sure he can give you a ride home? It's no trouble for me to come pick you up," Kevin said, as they stopped in front of a modest house a few miles away. "No, I'll be okay. Thanks." The shadow that had fallen between them was still there. "If anything changes I'll give you a call." Lucas stepped from the car and watched Kevin drive away, relieved and ashamed. He heard activity behind the door as soon as he rang the bell. It swiftly swung open and Joe Wojchowski was there, opening the screen door. "My god, it's really you." In the front hallway he turned to face Lucas. Joe's eyes were shining as he took hold of his arms. He enfolded Lucas in a massive embrace. "I'm so glad to see you," Joe said, his voice muffled against Lucas' shoulder. "Likewise," Lucas replied, touched by Joe's obvious joy at their reunion. The coach released him and turned, taking him by the hand. "Please. Can I get you something?" They sat in Joe's small, cluttered living room, the coach holding a bottle of beer, Lucas a glass of water. "Don't say it," Joe told him. "I got fat." Lucas smiled, shaking his head. "We've all lost our figures." Joe snorted. "Excuse me? Not you. I blew out a knee a few years ago, couldn't exercise for months. That kind of did me in, even though the leg's okay now." "You look fine to me, Joe." Actually it was true. The coach's body had thickened, but his grizzled hair and piercing eyes were the same. Lucas felt the power of Joe's charm. Thoughts of their first meeting rose unbidden to his mind and caused him to shift in his chair. "You're sweet to say that, and to call. Where are you staying, did you say?" "With an old friend from Steelman." He didn't want to talk about Kevin. Still, Joe must have heard something in his voice, because he raised his eyebrows. "I see. Everything cool?" "Yes, everything's fine." Lucas said, with a firmness he didn't feel inside. "You said something about dinner?" "I actually knew about Will," Joe said some time later in the restaurant. "There was an obit in the Steelman alumni mag. Didn't have any idea that you guys were married, though. It didn't mention that." Lucas grimaced. "Not surprised. I had nothing to do with sending that thing in." Joe said, "You were good to take care of him." Lucas shrugged. "I couldn't save him." "Maybe no one could." "What have you been up to?" Lucas asked, eager to change the subject. "You said you retired?" The coach nodded. "The semester I busted up my knee. Was going to anyway at the end of that year, but that forced me out early." He shrugged. "It's okay, I guess. Kind of miss it, though. Got me out of the house." "No one in your life?" Joe shook his head. "Couldn't you tell? My place is a wreck. No one to clean it up for. Why, you offering?" Lucas blushed, once again acutely aware of Joe's piercing gaze, tempered by his smile. "Would you believe me if I said I was still in mourning?" Joe's smile was rueful. "Actually, I would." He signaled their server for the check. "I could take you back now, or... Do you want to come back for a little while?" Lucas saw the hesitant look in Joe's eyes. He paused, remembering another dinner long ago. "I forgot. Your friend's waiting." That decided him. "I'm sure Kevin's made his own plans. I'd love to spend a little more time with you, catch up on old times. Or make up for lost time." A slow smile spread across Joe's face, and Lucas' breath quickened. In the dark entryway of Joe's house the coach turned to him as soon as the door closed behind him. Lucas felt rough hands on his neck. Joe's warm, alcohol-scented breath bathed his face as the coach kissed him long and tenderly. "You're sure you want to do this?" Lucas squeezed his friend's swelling crotch. "Hell, yeah." "I was hoping you would," Joe whispered. He dropped to his knees, fumbling with Lucas' belt. Moments later Lucas felt the moist heat of Joe's mouth surround his rapidly hardening cock. He closed his eyes with a sigh as his hands caressed Joe's head. The coach's bedroom was tiny and dark, almost completely filled by the king bed. As soon as they were both naked Joe pushed Lucas onto his back on the clean, snowy white sheets and duvet and clambered after him, taking his cock back into his mouth, sucking eagerly as his clutching fingers found Lucas' nipples. Lucas moaned with delight at the multiple sensations. "You haven't lost your touch," he told Joe, who released him and looked up, grinning, his eyes glinting in the dim light thrown by the single lamp by the bed. "Just as nice as I remember." "Going to fuck me like the last time?" Joe's smile faded. "Haven't done that in years. Another casualty of my stupid body. I'm total bottom now." He took Lucas' organ in his hand. "Can you-I mean, top me?" Lucas looked at Joe's hopeful face, and nodded. "Sure." He was excited at the thought. "On your back then, boy." Joe's teeth flashed white as he obeyed. "Yes, sir! How's this?" He grabbed both his ankles, legs high in the air. Lucas' cock rose at the sight of the hairy cleft between his cheeks. "Nice." "I have lube on the dresser. Condoms too, but..." In response to Lucas' inquiring look Joe said, "I'd love to take your load. I know you're okay." Momentarily Lucas paused, feeling a guilty pang, but a surge of lust overcame his scruples. A few moments later he was pushing slick fingers into Joe's asshole, then applying the stuff to his organ, harder than he remembered it being in a long time. He closed his eyes, drawing in his breath as the head of his cock was surrounded by the smooth, squeezing heat of Joe's insides. Full Circle Ch. 03 "Oh, man," Joe sighed. "I never thought I'd feel like this again." Lucas smiled down at him. "I'm feeling pretty good myself." He leaned down to touch Joe's lips with his own as he started to thrust into him, slowly and gently, wanting it to last as long as possible. "Fuck me, Luke," Joe whispered, his eyes shining in the dim light. Lucas didn't answer, intent on controlling the pace so as not to have it end too soon. He held back as long as he could, but it still seemed way too short a time before his body arched upward, shuddering cries racking him as he shot his load into Joe's ass. "Oh baby," Joe crooned. "That's right, give it to me. Every drop." His hands caressed Lucas' head as they shared a long, lingering kiss. Reluctantly Lucas let himself slip out of Joe's body. He flopped onto his back on the bed, expelling his breath in a long sigh as he felt all tension drain away at last. "You all right?" Joe asked, finally breaking the silence. Lucas smiled. "I needed that. Thanks." Joe regarded him thoughtfully. "I think you did." He paused, then said, "So tell me more about Kevin." The question took Lucas by surprise. "Why?" The coach shrugged. "Lucas, you didn't come back to town to see me." "He called me. Out of the blue. We knew each other when we were both at Steelman. He-" Lucas hesitated. "He was- is a good friend. He helped me when I was really having a rough time because of Will. I owe him." "But you don't love him?" Lucas met Joe's eyes. "I don't know." "And you're not going to let yourself find out, are you?" "What?" Lucas stared, taken by surprise. He expected Joe to backtrack or to apologize. Instead the older man looked back, his gaze calm. "He hurt you again, didn't he?" "Who?" "Will. I can tell. Even now you can't talk about him." "What the hell do you know about it?" Anger rose in him. Lucas jumped off the bed and began to hunt for his clothes. "Hey, hey, hold on," Joe said, reaching out an arm toward him. "Where are you going?" "Back to Kevin's. Where the hell are my shoes?" "Lucas, it's miles away. Let me drive you back at least." He couldn't stop himself. "You want to know what Will did to me? Hustled tricks out of our apartment. A whore with AIDS, that's what he ended up being." "Are you kidding?" Joe asked, stunned. "Would I fucking make this up? A user, that's all he was. Used me, then died and fucking left me." He stopped searching, blinded by the tears that had begun to fall. Joe was climbing off the bed. "Oh, Luke-" Lucas slapped his arms away. "I hate him! I hate him for what he was. I hate him for leaving. I hate him..." He sank to his knees, weeping. The coach embraced him again. This time Lucas didn't resist. Joe held him, rocking him until he began to calm down. "Stay here tonight. On the couch, if you want." In response to Lucas' surprised look he smiled. "I'm actually not very good company in bed. Too many years by myself. You need a good night's rest." Lucas nodded. "Okay. Thanks." "Lucas?" Joe's eyes were somber. "Whatever he did, Will's gone, and he's not coming back." He had erupted in fury when Kevin had said much the same thing to him earlier that day. Now all Lucas felt was sadness. He leaned back against Joe's broad chest and closed his eyes. "You ought to call Kevin. He's probably worried about you." Lucas snorted. "Not likely. I'm betting he's banging the pool boy." "What?" Joe exclaimed. "Just what have you got yourself into?" He rolled his eyes. "How long do we have?" The coach chuckled. "As long as it takes. You can use my spare toothbrush in the bathroom, by the way." Actually at that moment Kevin was at dinner himself. After dropping Lucas off at Joe's house, he had been driving back, his thoughts in turmoil, when his cell phone had rung. Since he wasn't in a hurry he pulled over and answered it. "Drew and I were really glad to see you today," Glenn Reynolds' voice said. "We just got to talking, and thought-can you and Lucas join us for dinner tonight? I know it's kind of sudden." "Well," Kevin said. "Lucas can't make it tonight." "Oh, well then-" Glenn hesitated, and Kevin spoke on impulse. "But I'd love to. Let's do it. It's been ages." "Sorry your friend couldn't make it," Drew said that evening. "We were looking forward to getting better acquainted." The three of them were lingering after their meal at Chambord, a quiet, upscale restaurant that Kevin and Jon had visited often as a couple. Kevin took a sip from his wine glass and shrugged. "Turns out Lucas knows other people here from his Steelman days." "So you two were friends in college?" "Yeah." Kevin paused, then on an impulse added, "A little more, actually." Glenn raised his eyebrows. "Oh. Boyfriends then?" "Well-" Kevin said. "We hooked up. Once." He described the night they had met, long ago. Drew whistled. "Sounds intense." "It was. I'm still convinced Lucas was at least toying with the idea of jumping off that rooftop. He certainly was pretty freaked out about Will. I wonder now if I took advantage of that." "Well," Drew observed, his voice dry, "You've certainly shown commendable restraint ever since." Kevin snorted. "Right now I'm not exactly dealing from strength. After we met you guys I took Luke home and we ran into a guy who, well, who I'm kind of seeing now. Got awkward as you might imagine." "Oh," Glenn said. "So you've resumed your social life." "Yes." Somehow the observation didn't sting as much as it had coming from Lucas. "Well, I for one am glad. You deserve some happiness after what you went through with Jon." "I don't understand," Drew said. "So you asked Lucas to come back, but you already have someone?" Kevin fidgeted, scratching his head. "The thing is-Ryan isn't exactly husband material." He filled them in on that part of the tale. When he finished his friends sat silent. Then Glenn chuckled. "Kevin, you amaze me." He bridled. "Jon and I got together when I was Ryan's age and he was a lot older. We lasted for thirty-two years. I'd say we did okay." Glenn reached across the table and took Kevin's hand. "I'm not criticizing you in the least. I admire you." Drew said, "You went for it. Why not?" Kevin shook his head. "I like having this hot-and sweet-young thing in my life. I'm not sure I want to give that up and be just a dull old queen." Glenn laughed. "Kevin, you'll never be dull." "Who says old has to be dull, anyway?" This from Drew. He turned to his partner. "Should we tell him?" Glenn shrugged. "Sure. I imagine Kevin's guessed in any case." "Guessed what?" Drew said, "You've met our friend Anton, from up north? He's been here to visit a few times." "I've seen him around for sure. Nice-looking guy." "We think so too. Anyway, he's a bit more than just a friend. Has been for a long time." Drew and Glenn caught each other's eye and grinned, both a bit sheepish. "Aha." Now it was Kevin's turn to raise an eyebrow. "I can't say I'm totally surprised. So what are you saying? I should make up with Lucas and suggest that we keep Ryan around as the resident boy toy?" Glenn said, gently but firmly, "Anton's more than just a plaything. We care about him deeply. I suspect you feel something for Ryan too, otherwise you wouldn't be so conflicted about it all." Kevin said nothing. "We're living in an exciting time," Drew said. "Who'd have thought we'd all be able to get married now? That doesn't mean we have to fall into the same old straitjackets. Seems like you just need to talk to both of them." He shook a finger at Kevin. "Just be careful with that student. In my early years here I got tangled up with a couple of boys at Steelman. Got ugly. Could have finished my career, if it hadn't been for Glenn here." He took his partner's arm affectionately. Glenn rolled his eyes. "He was the campus heartbreaker." "I can totally see it. Bet he still is." "Aw, stop," Drew protested, though he was smiling. "Hope it works out with your guy. Or guys." Kevin's smile faded. "I know what it looks like, but I haven't forgotten Jon." "We know," Glenn replied. "Neither have we." He raised his wine glass. "Here's to memories that never fade." Kevin joined the toast. At the moment, though, he couldn't decide exactly how he felt about remembering the past so vividly. When he came home the battered pickup truck was back in his driveway. Kevin parked next to it and walked over to the driver's side. Ryan was slumped in the seat, his eyes closed. Kevin reached in and shook his shoulder. The boy started awake. "Oh, hey," he said. "How long have you been here?" Ryan yawned and shrugged. "Don't know exactly. I think it was still light when I got here." "Why didn't you call me? I could have told you when I was coming back." "I did call you. You didn't answer. Where's... Lucas? That's his name, right?" Kevin grimaced. "Not sure. He went to see a friend." "Ohh," Ryan drawled. "Say, if I messed things up I'm sorry." "You don't sound very sorry." Ryan grinned. "I'm not, actually. Going to invite me in?" Inside the house, before Kevin had a chance to turn on any lights, the boy's hands were on his chest, his lips pressed to Kevin's. "Nice shirt," Ryan said, unbuttoning it. Kevin backed away and held up his hands. "Wait. We've got to talk." His friend was not to be denied. "Sure we'll talk. Later." Skilled fingers quickly unbuckled his belt and pants dropped to the floor. Kevin gasped as Ryan's fingers found his nipples. "Hot undies," he observed, pushing the briefs down Kevin's thighs and exposing his cock, already semi-hard. Kevin made a last attempt. "Listen. Lucas and I, we're getting married." Ryan had dropped to one knee on the living room carpet. He looked up and shrugged. "That's cool. Does he know?" "About you and me? I don't know. Yeah, probably. Oh!" Kevin gasped as Ryan's mouth engulfed him and hot pleasure coursed through his body. After a few moments Ryan stopped sucking him and looked up again, the familiar crooked grin on his face. "What I mean is, does he know you guys are getting married?" Kevin stammered, "Well, no. Actually I haven't asked him yet." Ryan licked two fingers in a strange, erotic gesture. "So at the moment you're still a free man. Problem solved." He went back to his ministrations. Suddenly Kevin cried out. Ryan had shoved his wetted fingers into Kevin's asshole, while tightening his lips on his cock. A few more strokes pushed Kevin over the edge. His body jackknifed forward, his eyes squeezed shut as strangled cries emerged between his clenched teeth, his cock pumping hot seed into Ryan's eager mouth. His orgasm began to pass. Kevin's hands loosened their convulsive grip on his partner's shoulders. He drew air in great gasps. Beneath him Ryan quickly straightened up. Kevin just had time to open his eyes and see the boy's smiling face before Ryan pressed his mouth to his, his lips parting as he pushed Kevin's own load into his mouth, forcing him to swallow it. Finally the boy released him. Kevin's head fell onto Ryan's shoulder. "Oh god," was all he could say. "We're not through," Ryan's voice said in his ear. "We're going to the bedroom now and I'm going to fuck your brains out. And you know I can do it." "Still going to marry that guy?" he asked later, as they lay in Kevin's bed. Kevin reluctantly shifted his spent, naked body, feeling the slimy stickiness of Ryan's recent ejaculation between his buttocks. "Well, I can't marry you, can I?" he countered. "Why not?" "Oh, c'mon. I'm old enough to be your father." Ryan frowned. "Don't be so fucking patronizing. I'm not a kid. I'm old enough to care. Ever thought I might really care about you?" "You're right, I'm sorry." Kevin stared at the ceiling. He turned to Ryan and took his hand. "You've got to understand. Lucas and I go back a long way, to when we were both your age. I think I've always loved him, but for most of that time he's loved someone else. That someone is gone now. It's our time." "Does he think so?" Kevin sighed. "That, I don't know." "He's cute, I'll give you that." Ryan suddenly took his face in his hands, looking intently into Kevin's eyes. "You're dumping me, aren't you?" Kevin was silent. "Say the word, I'm gone. I don't stay where I'm not wanted." More silence, then Kevin nodded. Ryan smiled, without malice. He got out of bed and began to dress. "I'm not mad, Doc. I'm betting I'll be back." At the bedroom door he turned. "Sorry about the mess. We always make a mess, don't we?" Lucas didn't return to Kevin's house until the next afternoon. He and Joe had stayed up much of the night talking, and gotten up very late the next morning as a result. Not knowing what else to do he tagged along with Joe on some errands, marveling as they drove through the streets how much the town had grown and changed. They were sitting at a late lunch at one of the many new restaurants downtown. During a lull in the conversation Joe suddenly said, "You want to go back, don't you?" Lucas looked up. "Yeah, I do." Joe smiled. "I figured. No problem, I'll drop you off." In front of Kevin's house the driveway was now empty. Joe took Lucas' hand. "It was wonderful to see you again." Lucas leaned toward Joe and kissed him. "Likewise." "I hope it works out between you guys. You are going to invite me to the wedding, aren't you?" Lucas raised his eyebrows. "If you want to be there." "I wouldn't miss it!" Joe patted his hand. "Take care, Lucas. Keep in touch." The house was empty-Kevin would be at work. Lucas settled down in the living room with his laptop to write. He could work pretty much from anywhere these days. He became more absorbed in his work than he'd anticipated. By the time he finished and looked up he was surprised to find that the light was fading outside. Because of the late lunch he wasn't hungry, but he began to wonder if Kevin would be coming home for dinner. So far there was no sign of him. Lucas was aware that he could simply call or text him, but the constraint that had sprung up between them after his outburst yesterday still remained. To pass the time he wandered through the house, looking at photographs of Kevin and Jon, some of which dated back many years. He tried to imagine the exacting but kindhearted professor from his Steelman days and the twentieth class reunion immobile and unaware, unable to recognize even his longtime companion and spouse. For the first time Lucas thought he comprehended the desolation of Kevin's last few years. He went out to the backyard and stood on the concrete deck by the pool. By now it was quite dark. When was the last time he had gone swimming anywhere? In college he had been fanatic about doing his laps. That was how he had met Will. Suddenly he felt stifled-the evening air was actually temperate but to Lucas it seemed unbearably hot, his clothes like a straitjacket. He began to unbutton his shirt, and in a few seconds stood naked, his clothes piled on a nearby chaise longue. He walked forward and slipped into the pool, stroking toward the deep end. The cool water felt wonderful against his unencumbered body. Lucas swam a few laps, then took a breather, floating on his back, paddling lazily and looking up at the few stars that were beginning to appear above. The vision sprang into his memory so suddenly it caught him unawares. They were hanging on opposite sides of the float in the lake. A wicked grin appeared on Will's face. "I bet you've got a hard-on, don't you? I bet skinny-dipping's made you horny." Lucas gasped as he felt a hand grasp his cock and begin to stroke it, slowly and teasingly. "Wh-what are you doing?" "Checking to see if I'm right," Will chuckled. "I see that I am." How long ago that day had been, and how much had happened since then. Yet Lucas could see the entire scene before him as if it were yesterday. His heart was so full of emotion he felt as if it would burst. "Farewell, Will," he whispered to the air. One tear slipped out of his eye and rolled down his cheek, warm on his cool skin. "Lucas?" He started violently upright, sending ripples across the pool. When he looked up Kevin was standing at poolside above him, dressed in a suit. "Oh god, you scared me." "Sorry I'm so late. I should have tried calling you. I don't know why I didn't." Kevin shifted his weight on his feet. "I haven't been a very good host, have I?" Lucas shrugged. "I haven't been a model guest." Suddenly he was very much aware of his nudity, though he felt somewhat protected by the water and the darkness. It wasn't enough, though. Kevin's eyebrows were rising. "Lucas? Are you skinny dipping?" His chin came up. "I didn't have a suit. That a problem?" "No. Not at all." Kevin shrugged, smiling. "Looks kind of fun, actually." The words came unbidden from his mouth. "Want to join me?" A short bark of laughter from Kevin, then a pause. Then another shrug and smile. "Why not." He loosened his tie. Lucas stared at him intently as he continued to strip, dropping his clothes on the same chair. Kevin bent to remove his shoes, straightened up and stopped. "Quit staring, Luke. You're embarrassing me." "Just do it." Kevin's body had held up well, as slender and trim as he remembered it. Lucas just had time to realize that he was now completely naked before Kevin had slipped into the water near him, whooping and gasping. "Yikes it's cold!" He splashed away, stroking choppily as if it had been a long time since his last swim. Lucas watched him turn and begin swimming underwater back toward him. He backed up until he was leaning against the edge. Kevin's head broke the water a few feet away. "This is great! I can't remember the last time I did this." "Swimming or skinny dipping?" Lucas asked. "Both." A faraway look appeared in Kevin's eye. "Jon and I took a little swim here the first time we got together. He invited me over for dinner the night I graduated." "I looked at you guys' pictures. You had a good life." "We did." They fell silent, but for the first time in more than a day there was no sense of strain between them. Lucas swam a few strokes to where Kevin stood in the shallow water. He took his friend's face in his hands. "Ever since I got here I've been pushing you away. I'm sorry. I won't do that any more." From the shadows Kevin's gray eyes gazed steadily back at him. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I haven't exactly been sending clear signals myself. So I'll be as clear as I can." He covered Lucas' hands with his own. "Lucas Boatright, I love you." Suddenly he turned away with a derisive snort. "Even though I slept with someone else last night." Still stunned by Kevin's declaration, Lucas' first reaction was to laugh. "So did I." Kevin gave him a knowing look. "I thought so. Are you going to keep seeing Joe?" "No. At least not that way. It was for old times' sake." He had to ask. "What about you and Ryan?" "He's not coming back." They stood facing each other, silent. Finally Lucas said, "Maybe love means... giving the one you love the space they need." Kevin began to say something, but it caught in his throat. He tried again. "Are you saying... you love me too?" In answer Lucas drew him close and kissed him on the mouth. Their bodies entwined in the water, hands finding hands, nipples, hardening cocks. Finally they released each other. "Yes," Lucas replied. They climbed out of the pool, quickly dried themselves and went toward Kevin's bedroom, abandoning their clothes outside. As he and Lucas padded naked hand in hand through the dark and silent house, Kevin suddenly had a flashback of he and Jon doing the same thing on graduation night, decades ago. He shook off the memory. The present belonged to them. Full Circle Ch. 03 "That first night we met in the dorm," Kevin said to him, as they embraced on the bed. "So long ago," Lucas said, between kisses. "We were so careful. I made you use a rubber. I want to make up for that now. Be really together." "You sure?" "Yes," Kevin said urgently. "Plant your seed in me. Breed me. Make me yours." "Fuck yes. Whatever you want." Kevin cried out in joy and pain as his lover's cock surged into him. Some time later they lay finished, their bodies moist and limp, their lips bruised and sore. The bedroom smelled of their sweat and semen. Kevin felt a deep ache in his loins from the force of his recent orgasm, reached just as Lucas climaxed inside of him. It struck him as he watched his lover's face squeeze into an ecstatic grimace that Ryan resembled Lucas. "You know, Ryan thought you were hot," he said. Lucas stirred, his eyes sleepy. "That's sweet. I think he's cute too." Kevin said, "He and I are really through, though. I promise you that." Lucas regarded him thoughtfully. "You did say one thing yesterday that really got to me. I'm not judgmental. Being with Will, as terrible as some of it was, taught me that." He turned his gaze toward the ceiling. "I'm not going to be policing you, checking up on you. Especially not from California." "But you won't be. In California, I mean." Lucas turned his head, staring. "What are you saying?" Silence. Then Kevin said, haltingly, "I... I want you to marry me. Lucas, will you?" Lucas was silent for so long that Kevin began first to worry, then to despair. Just as he started to say something, anything to break the tension his lover broke into a broad grin. "Yes, I will." Kevin let out a whoop, and grabbed Lucas in a tight embrace, as if to squeeze the breath out of him. Finally Lucas protested, laughing. "Okay, okay." They kissed again. Lucas took Kevin's left hand and stretched their arms above their bodies. The gold wedding bands on their intertwined fingers glinted in the dim light. He turned to Kevin. "Jon and Will. They're still here with us. And always will be." EPILOGUE Some months later Kevin and Lucas were married in the Steelman College chapel, legally now that same-sex marriage was the law throughout the nation. The current Steelman chaplain, a young woman, presided. It was not a large wedding. The two men stood by themselves at the altar with the chaplain, watched by a few of their friends and associates. Marcia Hannon, Jon's successor, was there, as were Glenn and Drew, representing Steelman. A few other faculty members who had known Jon and Kevin as a couple were there as well. There were also a few who others in the group did not know, or did not know the exact reason for their being present. The burly, grizzled former swimming coach sitting near the front, beaming. A dark-haired, intense young man sitting further back, who some recognized as a senior at Steelman. Finally, one or two who had attended Jon Evans'funeral might possibly have recalled the gray-haired, well-tailored woman who sat in the back row. They might even have noticed her resemblance to Kevin's deceased spouse, the former Steelman provost. A few minutes before the ceremony was set to begin, Kevin waited alone in a small annex to the chapel, formerly known as the "bride's room." He had asked Lucas to step out for a few minutes. There was a tentative knock on the door. Kevin opened it to find Rebecca, Jon's sister, on the step outside. Her expression was expectant, nervous. "Here I am. Thank you for inviting me today." "Come on in." Kevin shifted from one foot to another, looking at the floor. At last he raised his head and met her gaze. "I-" He cleared his throat and began again. "I was an only child. My parents never actually disowned me like Jon's, but after I came out, they had less and less to say to me. They didn't come to my college graduation. My father's dead. My mother's not here today." "Kevin," Rebecca said. Kevin held his hand up. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, except-I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about-stuff. "I was horrible to you after Jon's funeral. I'm sorry." Rebecca's eyes filled with tears. "You had every right." Kevin shook his head. "No matter what's happened in the past, you're Jon's sister. You're family." He turned and picked up a wooden box from a nearby table, small enough that he could hold it in one hand. "I scattered most of Jon's ashes. Around here, actually-in the garden just outside. But I saved some in this box. I'd like you to have them." When Lucas returned ten minutes later Kevin was alone in the annex, sitting in an armchair, staring off into space. In response to the question in his eyes, Kevin looked up. "Well?" Kevin nodded. "She took them." Lucas walked over to the armchair, leaned down and kissed his husband-to-be. "You are such a good person. I hope I'll be worthy of you." Kevin shook his head, his eyes shining. "Funny. I was thinking the same about you." He rose from the chair and offered Lucas his arm. "Well, my love, shall we?" Lucas grinned. "Let's do it." Together the two men left the annex for the short walk to the chapel, stepping into bright sunshine outside, walking toward their future. END Full Circle Ch. 04 Thankfully I beat Marissa back to the office. Fucking her on the table in a Japanese restaurant was a mistake. I needed to have used that time to get to the root of what was going on. I asked for answers and she gave me one. Despite that, I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't getting the whole story. I sat in my office and managed to get only an hour's worth of work done. The rest of the day my mind drifted between thoughts of Marissa and Danna. Feelings of guilt and anger churned inside me. My emotional reactions toward Marissa were warranted and clear. She used me. I hadn't expected it, didn't want it, but it was so. When it came to Danna I was, for the first time, confused about how I felt toward her. I hadn't seen her since the night she cooked me dinner. That wasn't like her. It occurred to me to call her, but I didn't want to think about what I needed to say. I needed a drink. An unopened bottle of Glenlivet was sitting in my liquor cabinet at home. It was calling my name. I pulled onto my street but stopped two houses away when I saw Danna's car in the driveway. I pressed my foot to the gas and headed for the interstate. Forty minutes later I was on the opposite side of town pulling into the parking lot of my favorite dive bar, The Bait Shop. I walked through the door and saw that every coin operated pool table was in the same place. Every red vinyl bar stool lined the bar like it always did. I smiled, relieved that one thing from my past didn't disappoint me. Though it was a trip down memory lane, I didn't come to The Bait Shop to be reminded of my college years, I was looking for someone in particular. Behind the bar, pouring a draft beer was Lily Gafton. Her back was turned toward me when I settled into a seat. A blue tank top clung to her slender frame. She still looked great. My eyes followed the curve of her body until I couldn't see any more beyond the bar. She handed off the beer to a waitress and I noticed she'd cut her hair. I hated it. I smiled at the memory of her loving to use her hair like feathers to tickle me while she explored my body. "Lily G," I shouted. "Get over here and pour me a drink." Lily's head snapped around. The look on her face read that she was ready to fight. When she recognized me her face lit up and she charged over. "Oh you." She sprang up over the top of the bar and I caught her half way. I squeezed her petite frame while she planted two big and loud kisses on my cheek before I settled her back down. "Now if you'd been anyone else –" "I know," I said with a chuckle. "It's been too long, Sutherland. Too long." She looked me up and down. "Been keeping busy. You know the deal." Lily took a seat beside me. It was only thirty minutes until happy hour started and the bar was basically empty. "Atta girl, Danna. Keeping you out of trouble." "Ha." "Ha?" she said. One of her eyebrows shot up as she examined my face. I was happy to see Lily and hoped that my smile had told her so, but she read right through it. "What did you do?" "If I hadn't had the week from hell I'd be offended by you suggesting that I did something wrong." "But you did." Reluctantly I said, "I did." Lily motioned the waitress over and asked for her to take over the bar. "And bring us over two Glenlivets. One my style." She looked over at me then said, "Make his a double." I followed Lily over to a corner booth. It was high backed and circular shaped. It looked too modern for such a hole in the wall place but the dark, almost chocolate brown upholstery made it fit. "How's the bar? Miss the day job yet?" I said. "It's fine, Paul." "And the writing?" "My agent has been getting strong feedback. I should be hearing something any day now. I couldn't ask for more." "That's great. I'm really happy for you, Lily. I really am." I reached over and hugged her until she pulled away. "This is all stuff we could have talked about in a phone call. What's going on?" I opened my mouth to speak when the waitress arrived just in time. I took a sip and let it burn into my throat before speaking, "Guess who's back." Lily took a drink too. She turned her eyes up to the ceiling then replied with a smile, "I haven't got a clue." "Marissa." "You're joking! The harpy in heels is back?" "Harpy in heels?" "Come on, Paul." Lily laughed. "It's no secret that I didn't like her." "Yeah. A war of words right here in this bar comes to mind, but I had no idea you called her that." Given recent events it was foolish to follow the need to defend Marissa. I took another drink. "Anyone who would think me, a lesbian, would be after you, a pig-" "Hey now!" Lily laughed. "Has got some serious issues. I mean, she went after me with this 'don't mess with my man' business." "But we did used to date, Lily." "Okay, but that was an entire lifetime and sexual preference ago." It was. I felt old thinking back on Lily and me together. Those were some wild times. I could do without the hangovers and I didn't miss being broke after every weekend, but I did miss how simple everything was then. I caught Lily looking at me with concern. "Tell me you didn't," Lily said. "Twice." "You idiot." I looked down into my tumbler and swirled the whisky around, unable to meet Lily's eyes. "I guess I don't need to ask you how it was," Lily said. I couldn't quite tell if it was humor or contempt in her voice. "Phenomenal. As always." "Of course." I braced myself for what Lily would say next. "What about Danna?" "What about her?" "Don't play stupid, Paul. You either tell her or she finds out. Which do you want?" "I try not to think about it." "Oh you really are an idiot." "That's why I came to you, Lily. I knew you weren't going to bullshit me." Lily nodded before she took a swig, emptying her glass. "But Danna is the least of my worries." "Ha! That red headed Amazon is gonna kick your ass when she finds out. I know she's sweet as pie, but she doesn't strike me as the type to let something like this slide. Maybe that's why I like her. Great tits too." Lily held her hands in front of her B cups to gauge Danna's size. I smiled and reached over to adjust Lily's hands until they were roughly the distance from her chest to match Danna' beautiful D cups. "Wow," Lily said. "Why'd you give that up? Mm!" I shrugged. "I'm sorry. I've got tit envy." "Yeah, well, you haven't heard the whole story." "We're going to need more to drink?" I nodded. Lily held up two fingers to signal our order to the waitress. I told Lily the story of how and why Marissa had come back to town. I finished just as our drinks arrived. "That bitch," Lily exclaimed then said to the waitress, "Not you, honey." "I don't know what to do. If I stay, I have to deal with her bullshit. If I leave, I'm out a job I happen to love and I look like a punk." "You could sue." "And say what? 'I fucked my hot boss under duress and I feel violated'?" "You didn't know the first time." "But I knew the second time." The look of concern returned to Lily's face. "What if she sues you?" "Trust me. That has crossed my mind. I know I didn't go into detail about the sex -" "And I'm glad you didn't." "But she likes fucking me too much to sue me for sexual harassment. It's this whole revenge thing that has caught me off guard. She was never like this." "Wasn't she?" Her question didn't need an answer. Maybe Marissa was always a conniving bitch and she either concealed it well or I chose to ignore it. "I guess I have a way of bringing out the best in people." "You are the reason I'm a lesbian." "Oh thanks." "I'm serious." I looked at Lily, hoping to see her crack a smile. "I wanted to walk out of here feeling cheered up. Now I just feel beat up." "No. No. Hear me out. I needed to be with someone who could and would communicate with me on an emotional level. Women fulfill that for me where you never could." "Come on Lily. We have great talks." "Yeah, now. Now that we aren't having sex." It was my turn to wave over the waitress for another drink. "You know what your problem is, Paul?" "No and I can't wait for you to tell me." "I mean this in the most helpful way. You have a hard time unplugging your cock." "We've been together for thirty-two years. We're kinda attached." Lily smiled. "What I mean is your relationships are all sex drive and no connection." "Did you hate it so much?" The waitress slid over our drinks. Sipping was over. I downed the whisky in two gulps. "This isn't about me." Lily hid her smile behind her glass then took a sip. "Uh-huh." "Of course I liked it. Loved it even." "We had sex on that pool table after closing when Mel owned the place...if I remember correctly." Lily blushed. She got up on her knees in the booth to look over at the infamous pool table. She laughed then plopped back down. "Mel needed to replace the felt after that. My heels did a number on it." I smiled. That detail I had managed to forget. "You never could keep those legs still when I ate your pussy." How long had it been since I thought about that? Now that the seed had been planted, it germinated in my mind, sprouting off into flashes of events that bloomed into memories, sounds and smells. I could see Lily's full lips, puffed and wet, spread enticingly in front of me in a perfect pink smile. I could hear her saying, "Hurry before Mel comes back." My tongue moved back and forth in my mouth from the muscle memory of those first sessions with her. "Yeah," Lily said blissfully, "Good times." "Am I still the best?" I'd never dared to ask Lily before, especially now that she'd become a full blown lesbian. I couldn't understand why I wanted to know now. I blamed the alcohol. I was getting a dose of harsh reality so far, taking a major hit to my sexual prowess couldn't hurt. "The best at giving face?" I looked into Lily's eyes and I knew she was fully aware of what I was referring to, but I nodded. "Yes. You're the best." "Seriously." "Seriously." She giggled, the color rose in her cheeks. "Now back to what I was saying. What was I saying?" "You were telling me how my healthy sex drive is keeping me from meaningful relationships." "Exactly." I blew out a sigh. "What?" Lily stared at me. I looked away. "There comes a time in every player's life –" "Player? Okay. That's too far. I'm not a player. Every woman knows exactly what I'm about and I don't cheat." Lily raised her eyebrow again. "Marissa is an exception. Not the rule. We have phenomenal sex." "Call it what you want but every...guy like you needs to take stock of their relationships. Grow up and connect with women some place other than their pussies." I tried to imagine having a meaningful relationship with Danna. All I could see was Danna turning up the heat on the marriage talk, her dragging me around by the balls planning a wedding and forcing me to attend holiday dinners with her family. I took a drink. "Plus -" "There's more?" Lily shot me a stern look. "Plus, all you need to do is pick who you want to be with. Either you want Marissa, who seems to like you the way you are or you want Danna who likes you for who you could be." I considered what Lily said. There wasn't a clear choice. Choosing one woman over the other would create the kind of fallout I wasn't willing or able to handle. I finally understood what it meant to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. I was thankful the whisky was beginning ease my discomfort with this decisions. My shoulders relaxed for the first time. Lily was staring at me, not with concern or unveiled distaste, but with sympathy. "Look," I said, "I'll figure it all out. I just don't want to deal with it right now." "You're getting drunk. Great way to deal with it." "Come on, Lily. Stay cool with me. I really don't need a nag." Lily opened her mouth to speak then closed it after reading the expression on my face. "Why don't I take you home." "You're not driving my car in your condition. You've had as much to drink as me." "Little bartender trick of mine. Customers in your condition don't need to drink alone. I get my tumbler loaded with ice, enough whisky for color and the rest is seltzer." "Smart girl."