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Falling Home

By: MaryJane26



Chapter 1

"I need to have you for myself."

That's all she said when she walked by me. I was standing to the left of the stage watching the DJ spin and the people dance. The dancing blew my mind and I was riveted to the wall watching people jump around like fools and go wherever the music took them. 

I would be lying if I said I hadn't noticed her before. I don't really consider myself to be gay; I'm much too ambiguous. I'm drawn to certain people; it doesn't matter if they're men or women and when I feel that connection I usually freak out and back off. 

It was at the bar that we met. 

I squeezed my way to the copper top and ordered a bottle of water. She had her back to me, but when she heard me speak to the bar tender she slowly turned around to face me, holding a cocktail in her right hand with her left arm crossed over her chest as she leaned against the bar. 

She said, "Who comes to a bar and orders water?" 

The barista handed me my bottle and I paid before I really looked at her. She had dark hair that fell just past her shoulders in a loose wave. Her eyes were a bright blue, rimmed by dark liner and chocolate colored shadow; she wore a black, fitted top with blue metallic writing printed on the front and around her side. I took her in; smiled and answered, "Someone who's not quite ready to dance on the tables." 

"Awe," she said, "but those are the best types. Can't I buy you a beer?" She smiled.

"Nah, I don't often drink, but thanks for the offer," I said, and capped the water. 

She cocked her head slightly as I spoke, "You're not from here are you?" 

I laughed, "What, did the accent give it away?"

"American or Canadian?" she asked.

"American." 

"From what part?" 

"Georgia."

"Right," she purred and looked me up and down. She nodded her head and pursed her lips before she continued, "that would explain the way you look."

I held open my arms and looked down at myself. I was wearing dark, fitted jeans, black heels, and a white, low neck shirt that wrapped around from one shoulder and tied in front after looping around my back. Over it all, I wore a long black coat that was fitted and elegant, hanging just past my knees.

"What's wrong with the way I look? It's the jacket, right?" I drawled and looked at her.

"No, the jacket's great; you look great in it, you just look more..." she drug out her last word. "More," she repeated and waved her hand in the air slightly as if to conjure up the image. "...straight than anyone else."

I'd obviously missed that lesson in lesbian spotting 101. I sat my water on the bar and arched my eyebrow at her, awaiting an explanation. 

"Look around you," she said and leaned in close to me, "Most people here are obviously gay. Look over there." She motioned towards a group of people who looked like a gathering of old frat boys. 

"Those are your typical lesbian fare."

"They look like guys," I told her, leaning back so I could see her face.

"Yeah, and you're a conundrum for them. You intimidate them," she straightened up, taking a sip of her drink and looking around the room casually. Her eyes found mine again as I was thinking about what she said. 

"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked, "Cut my hair, burn my bra, toss out my makeup and jewelry?"

She let out an involuntary burst of laughter before she put her hand on my arm and said, "No, nothing so drastic." She removed her manicured hand and cupped her glass. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Well," I sighed, "I'm in London for the night and I just wanted a place to be with people instead of in my hotel room." 

"There're tons of places like that. Why are you HERE? This is a lesbian bar, you know," she smiled at me like I'd unknowingly walked into a tiger's den.

"No!" I gasped and tried my best to look shocked as I glanced around. "Shit, what AM I doing here? I mean, I noticed that the guy/girl ratio was a little off but..." I trailed off and laughed. "I know this is a lesbian hangout, but I've tried other bars in other places and eventually I get sick of blowing off the guys who think that every girl who goes to a bar alone is looking to get laid."

She looked at me thoughtfully for a second before her eyes lit up and her mouth curved into a mocking smile, "You aren't here to get laid?" She pressed a hand to her chest to emphasize the silliness of the question.

"No, can't say that I am."

"Then, if you don't mind me asking," she paused, "Why are you here alone?"

"I do a lot alone," I told her. "I haven't been here long, so I don't really know anyone." 

"Anyone in London?"

"More like, England." She looked a little surprised so I continued, "I'm in London for the night. I'm flying back to the States tomorrow to spend the holidays with my family."

"So you're here, in England," she said in a punctuated staccato, "On your own?" 

I nodded, "What on earth would make you come to England on your own? Are you working?"

"No," I said, "I'm studying here." 

"Studying what?" 

"I'm getting my MA in Literary Theory."

"That makes you what, 24? 25?" 

"22," I said.

"My, that makes me feel old," she said and finished her drink. She turned back to the bar and ordered a double, dirty martini. I also turned back to the bar and looked at her over my shoulder. 

Her skin was smooth and her hands were elegant. Her eyes weren't dulled by age. She couldn't have been much older than myself. "How old are you?"

Twisting her head and pursing her lips again she said, "Guess."

"24?"

"26." 

"That's not old," I informed her.

"It's all in how you feel, and I feel every bit of 26," she said.

"If we're going to prescribe to the 'only as old as we feel' theory, then I'm much, much older than you; I promise." I smiled lazily and drank some water.

She turned her body toward me and stuck out her hand. "I'm Natalie," she said.

"Adrianne," I responded and reached out to take her hand. Her grip was firm, and my stomach tensed as I let go. I stared at her a bit too long before I realized what I was doing. I bit my lip slightly and looked down; I could feel my face turning red. 

"Do proper introductions always make you blush?" she asked in a playful tone.

"Uh, no," I stammered, "it's usually quite the opposite."

I was still looking anywhere but at her when she leaned in close and asked, "Why don't I believe you?"

I flashed my eyes up, pretended to be in control of myself, and retorted jokingly, "You think you're old and wise; why don't you tell me?"

She regarded me for a moment and took one step towards me, leaving only inches between us, and said, "I said I was old, never wise. But since you asked I'll tell you what I see: you came here tonight not only because you are tired of the same old guys, but because you're curious, and, scared shitless. You aren't quite sure who you want to attract. So you came here dressed in a way that would have the bois lined up and the butches backed off. Then you order water and wonder how long it'll take for someone to approach you, because you'll never have the nerve to speak first. So, here I am." 

I opened my mouth but closed it again. I was shocked and embarrassed that I was so easily readable. My ears started to burn.

Natalie took advantage of my dumfounded state and leaned in so close that I could smell her subtle perfume and feel her lips brush my ear; she put her hand on my neck and whispered, "Spot on, aren't I?" 

Then she walked away. 

It took a few minutes for me to regain control of my senses. I stayed at the bar and looked down at the well-worn counter while trying to figure out why I was shaking. I held out my hand slightly and watched it tremor. I felt someone watching me and looked up at the barista. 

"You okay?" she asked. 

"Yup, fine," I responded and quickly put my hand back on my bottle of water.

"Want a drink?" She asked.

"No, I'm good," I said and raised my bottle.

What the hell just happened to me? My stomach doesn't do flips. I don't get physically shaky and become a nervous wreck around people. The thumping base from the DJ in the next room seemed like a good way to drown out my thoughts so I maneuvered my way through the crowd toward the pulsating lights and mass of dancing bodies. I tried to listen to the music but found myself still bewildered. No really, I tried to reason with myself as I located an empty chair next to a high top table near the edge of the room. What the hell? I'm the calm, collected one that makes other people wonder what just happened. I'm not supposed to feel like this.

I was staring at my hands, willing them to stop shaking, when I saw a pair of legs come into my line of vision. I followed the legs up, from black combat boots to baggy pants with a heavy chain hanging from her massive, spiked belt. She had on a Black Sabbath T-shirt that was ripped across the stomach covered by a man's striped button up worn as a coat. Her hair was in full-on mullet style, with an orange strip down the middle. 

I was studying her hair when she finally spoke, "Hey." 

Her eyes were dark and the smudged liner around them made them seem impenetrable. "Hi," I said, offering a smile.

"Can I get you a drink?" She asked me.

"No thanks," I said and motioned to my still half full water.

"Oh. You wanna dance?" 

"Um, I don't really dance," I replied. 
She looked confused and turned to look over her shoulder at a group of 'Frat boy butches,' who were laughing at her predicament. 

"Come on, I know you wanna dance," she pressed and made a grab at my hand. 

The frat boys laughed loudly and the one who looked like she could be a sumo wrestler yelled to the girl, "Come back here, you're not as smooth as you think."

Another followed up with, "Yeah don't brag about bagging straight girls if you can't back it up." Ruckus laughter followed.

The girl grabbed my arm and pulled me off the stool when a hand landed on the girl's arm.

"There you are," said Natalie, smiling at me and shooting the girl a harsh look. "I've been looking for you everywhere! The whole group is waiting on you upstairs. Are you trying to get rid of me so you can dance down here with the bois?" 

"No I, uh," I stuttered. 

Natalie cut me off, "No excuses. We've got to go. Come along." With that she replaced the girl's hand with her own and I let her lead me through the doorway back to the main bar. 

When we entered the main bar she turned toward me and smirked. "Damsel in distress, eh?" 

"I was not distressed," I feigned affront. Her hand squeezed mine slightly; I looked up and said, "Thank you." 

"No worries," she said. "You should be more careful. I told you they're confused by you."

"And you already have me pegged, right?" 

"Right," she said and winked at me before releasing my hand, turning on her heels and walking away.

"I thought there was a group upstairs that was anxiously waiting on me to arrive," I called after her.

Natalie turned around but kept moving away from me and said, "No, just me." With that, she gracefully blended into the crowd.

I looked down at my hand. Damn it; I was shaking again. I'd also left my water on the table in the other room. I decided not to go back for it and instead walked through the bar, vaguely following the path Natalie had taken. 

That's how I ended up on the wall, a while later, watching the dance floor through a packed crowd when suddenly Natalie was walking toward me from the side. She maneuvered her body to face mine as she squeezed through the nonexistent space between me and the mass of girls in front of me. 

She put her hands on my hips and pressed me back against the wall to balance herself as she stepped past. When our eyes met she smiled. In one fluid motion she pushed herself off of me and put her lips to my ear and said, "I need to have you for myself." 

Once again, I was weak in the knees and she was gone. 

I stood there looking at nothing and wondering what was going on with me. As I did, a girl in a blue halter top and short spiky hair came up to me and asked if I wanted a drink. I declined in a distant manner and turned to find the toilet before she could insist. 

The toilet I found was small and empty. I was thankful for the moment's reprise. I stood with my hands on the sink and regarded myself in the mirror. Blonde hair, with red and brown mixed in, falling across blue eyes. Lips glossed, teeth white. Not stunning, not plain. I don't know how long I stood there before the door opened. I half expected it to be Natalie, but when I turned it was the girl who had just offered to buy me a drink. I looked at her and she said, "You look like you've seen a ghost. You alright love?"

I blinked and managed, "Yeah, I'm fine; good." 

She smiled and said, "You looked a little lost when I offered to buy you a drink; I followed you to make sure you're alright."

I smiled at her, appreciative of her kindness and tried to normalize my emotions. "Thanks, but really, I'm fine. Someone just took me off guard, that's all." 

"Yeah, I understand," she said, coming to stand beside me and looking in the mirror; she ran her hands through her hair. "Happens to me all the time. Someone blows you away for some reason or another, and there you are, left asking what the hell just happened?" 

I considered her words and bit my lower lip. I looked into the mirror and noticed how pale I was. I started to fuss with my hair and dig around in my purse for some lip gloss as a distraction. 

"Hey can I ask you something?"

I stopped fiddling with my lips and raised my eyebrow.

"Are you gay?"

My shoulders fell noticeably and she quickly spoke, "I'm sorry if I offended you, but you just don't look it, but, you do and you're here and you're not;" she waved her hand slightly, "So..." 

She let the "so" hang in the air and I turned around and leaned against the sink, I crossed my arms, looked down and the floor and then up at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to react that way. It's just that, that very question has been the focal point of this entire evening and I just wanted a place to come and chill out without being harassed by drunk guys." 

She turned her head a little and said, "So, you're not gay?"

"I don't know what I am. I'm usually straight, but..." I trailed off with both my words and eyes.

"But someone here blew you away right before I walked up to you?" she began to smile and nod her head. "Yes," she continued, "Makes sense. You looked like you'd seen a ghost." 
"I don't react to people like that," I tried to explain, "I'm so calm and collected, but look at me, I'm still shaking," I held out my hands.

"You know," she said as she turned and started for the door. "The only cure for those shaky hands is the person who caused them. Or three pints of Old Rosie." She opened the door and motioned with her head for me to follow. She held the door for me and said, "I saw her when I was walking up to you; she went that way," and pointed to the stairs across the room. 

I smiled weakly. She said, "Go on; you'll be fine."

I left the bathroom and walked in the general direction of the stairs, moving through the crowd with a well placed hand on the back or shoulder and the occasional "excuse me" as I pushed through. When I finally reached the stairs I stopped and looked up them. Someone behind me said, "Excuse me" and I looked back, stepping aside so that the two girls could ascend.

I took a deep breath and started up the steps. Half way up I lost my nerve and turned to come back down again. I ran into a one of the large frat butches from the table earlier and apologized for knocking into her. 
"You need to figure out where you're going," she growled at me as she stepped past.

I shook my head and realized that I needed a drink. Not water; vodka, or something that burned. I walked purposefully toward the bar and stopped when I was a few feet away. I don't need a drink for courage, I thought. No, I need to grow some balls and walk up there and demand that Natalie explain herself.

I turned again and marched up the stairs with gusto. They led to a smaller room that was half the size of the bar below. The atmosphere was focused around intimate conversations rather than drinks and dancing. I quickly did a survey of the room, noting that none of the large, brown leather chairs or sofas held Natalie. She wasn't among those talking by the large windows, or at the bar either. 

I scrunched my eyebrows together in consternation and turned again to head back down.

I was feeling more than a little foolish for going, then not going, and then charging up the stairs only to look around and leave again. I watched my feet as I descended trying to figure out what had come over me.

I was paying no attention to things outside of my jumbled thoughts when I stepped onto the floor and almost collided with someone. I put my hands up and caught her by the waist to keep from stumbling. 

I knew that shirt. I let my hands slip from the metallic writing as I looked up at Natalie. 

I took a deep breath, mustered some courage, and playfully asked, "I thought you were waiting for me upstairs?"

"I was, but when you didn't show I figured I needed to find a more direct approach," she said.

I thought about her saying, "she needed to have me for her own," and asked her, "How much more direct can you get?"

Not missing a beat, she asked, "Do you want to get out of here?"

I balked. I knew I wanted Natalie, but random hookups were never on my agenda. She sensed this and laughed, "Do you think that all lesbians are sex fiends?"

"Not all the time," I responded, smiling.

"I don't want to rape you...just yet." She paused, "I just want to buy you coffee."

"Ok," I agreed and she smiled, grabbed my hand and led the way to the exit. 

"I assume you don't have a car," she stated as we walked out onto the street.

"You assume correctly," I replied.

"Good," she said, "We'll walk. There's this great little place a couple of streets over that serves the best coffees. I again assume that you're a coffee drinker?" 

"That I am, although, in all fairness I have only had true English tea once. I liked it," I said.

"Blasphemy," she joked. "A blue blooded, Southern American girl drinking tea! I thought you only drank whisky and went to church wearing white caps and gowns."

"Ouch... So that's the reputation that's preceded me?" I asked. We crossed the street and walked down a narrow alley way that opened up in front of a smallish, dingy café. 

"This is it. You up for it?" 

"Yeah," I replied, looking at the bags of coffee beans lining the counter. "Never judge a book and all that, right?" I mumbled.

"Right." She pulled me into the café by the hand she still held.

At the counter a young girl, with dark hair pulled up in a messy bun, with square glasses, wiped her hands on her black apron and asked, "What can I get ya?"

I quickly perused the list of various coffees and said, "Small Dark, Columbian." 

"Room for milk?" 

"No thank you."

The cashier turned her attention to Natalie. Natalie said, "I'll have the same, with milk."

"That's 3 pounds then."

Natalie released my hand as we both dug into our bags for money. Natalie got the 3 pounds out first and laid it on the counter. I looked at her, fully intending to buy her drink as well as my own. 

She said, "Oh no, I promised myself that I'd buy you a drink tonight."

I waited a few moments before I said, "Fine, but the next one's on me."

"Is that a promise?" She pushed the coins towards the girl.

"If you want it to be."

"I do," Natalie said quietly. She picked up the coffees and headed to one of the four tables in the back of the shop.

The lighting back here was soft, almost like candlelight. Natalie set the coffees on the table next to each other. I sat down with my back against the wall. Natalie sat next to me and wrapped her hands around her coffee.


Falling Home Ch. 02



"This is it," she said as we stepped up to a large apartment complex a few minutes later. We'd walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence with our arms linked. I was beginning to get cold after giving her my jacket and was glad when she led me up to the gated building.

I looked around and smiled as she pressed a code into the keypad and opened the glass door. 

I walked in and stalled, waiting for her to lead the way. She brushed past me, took my hand in hers, and led me to the stairwell; hesitating, she asked, "It's the fifth floor, do you mind the stairs?" 

"No, after you."

On the fifth floor, Natalie reached into her back pocket and dug out a key that was attached to her back belt loop by a small silver chain. "So I don't lose it," she said.

She opened the door and flipped on a light. The place was nice; really nice. The floor was a honey coloured hardwood and the walls were a neutral khaki. The hallway led into a sitting room. There were steps leading down to the large red sofas that were curved to fit exactly against the rock wall of the lowered, semi circular portion. In the middle was a glass and wooden table sitting on a white, shaggy sheepskin. 

The corner of the room held a workspace with a pile of magazines. I would recognize the yellow covers anywhere; they were National Geographics. In the center of the mess sitting on an old bed sheet with a large glass vase on it. The bottom of the vase was wrapped in what looked like blue pieces of material, which began in a deep blue shade and faded to a lighter hue as the rings went up the vase. I'd ask about it later.

"Wow, this is really nice," I exclaimed, unable to mute my awe of the design.

"Thanks." She walked into the living room and stood beside me, looking down at the lowered sitting area. "My friend is an architect who was hired to design this 'new and modern' apartment complex. As part of the contract, there was the option to rent an apartment without the six month wait."

"So why isn't he here?" I walked around the lowered area to the glass wall on the other side. 

"Well, she was already living with her fiancé in a large Victorian terraced house; so she offered this place to me."
"And what did you have to do for her?" I teased, turning and wiggling my eyebrows. She hesitated before walking towards me.

"Oh, nothing that would be of interest to you, I'm sure." she responded in the same teasing tone that I had used. She came within inches of pressing her body against mine and and raised an eyebrow as she pulled the sliding glass door open behind me.

I was glad for the rush of cold air that hit me and gave me a moment to collect my thoughts as I backed out onto the small balcony.

Natalie placed her hand next to mine on the railing.

"You'd be surprised at what does catch my interest," I said, no longer teasing. I wasn't sure if I was going too far. My mouth always seems to lead towards what my body wants and what my mind isn't ready for. I held my breath as Natalie gazed down at the neighboring streets and then looked at our hands, side by side. She moved hers slightly and began to rub the back of my hand with her fingers.

I swallowed and mentally cursed myself for taking it a step further than I was willing to go. I watched as Natalie traced my arm with her eyes, she had a wicked smile on her face and my eyes widened involuntarily. 

"So you want to hear all about exactly what I did to get this place?" She hesitated. "How I designed the web site for her firm free of charge?" She burst into a laugh as my face turned bright red.

"I...I...uh," I stuttered and tried to form a coherent, collected response. 

"You had that deer in headlights look again." Her smile faded as she continued, "You know I don't want to do anything you don't want to do."
I relaxed a bit. "I know, sorry."

She put her finger to my lips. "You don't have to apologise; I just don't want to be the cause of that look."

"What?" I joked, trying to lighten the mood, "you don't like the way innocent deer look?"

"No; innocence is nice, but I don't want to be the one that causes you to look scared enough to run away and get hurt in the process."

"Oh," was the only brilliant remark I could muster. "Thanks."

I turned back to look down at the empty streets and Natalie straightened up and walked back in doors. I stayed outside, leaning on the railing, trying to figure out what was going on in my head. I was attracted to Natalie. There was no denying the way my blood rushes when she moves close to me or how my hands shake and my stomach flips at the thought of her touching me. But why was I so scared to go beyond that attraction?

I was mulling over this line of thought as my heart rate slowed enough for me to realize that it was freezing. I jumped slightly when I felt a warm jacket being slid over my shoulders. 

"I thought you might need this."

I turned around; she pulled the front of the jacket together and held her hands there on my collar. 

"Thanks," I managed, and smiled.



It's funny what you think of when a moment gets too intense. As Natalie and I stood there under the overcast London sky, with her hands resting near my neck, I thought how nice it was that she was only a little bit taller than me. Just and inch or two. Nice fit.

The moment drug on; but neither of us were willing to break it. She walked backwards into the apartment, pulling me by the coat as she went. 

She stepped in and pulled me around so I had my back towards the middle of the room. She let go of the jacket and slid the glass door shut. She reached down and pulled off one heel, then the other and held them in her hands as she walked out of the room.

"Want a tour?" 

"Sure." I tentatively began to follow her, my hands still on the collar of my coat, where hers had been so shortly before.

She led me to a large bedroom that was dominated by a four-poster bed that had a light, sheer canopy draped over the top, and wound around the four poles. She tossed her shoes into the closet and removed her earrings, putting them on a dresser. She ran her fingers through her hair and turned around, leaned on the dresser and appraised me.

"I don't bite; you still look so unsure."

I sighed and walked closer. "I know, it's just, I don't let myself get in this position often. And..."

She interrupted me, "And you don't owe me any explanation."

I sat down on the bed and pulled the coat tighter around me. "No, I do. I agreed to come here with you; it's just that every time I've been to this point with someone, I realize that I am not able to give them what they want and I freak out." As I spoke I closed my eyes and dropped my head a little. My hands dropped down to rest in my lap.

I felt her move across the space and kneel in front of me on the hardwood floor. 
I whispered, "And I don't want it to be that way with you."

Natalie put her hands on my knees and slid them up to clasp mine. 

"Hey, look at me." 

I did.

"I don't know what you've been through, but I wouldn't have brought you here if I thought you might not be worth it. I don't want to push you. I want you. And, I won't deny that you make me so hot I can hardly keep myself from touching you, but I think there's so much more to you than just my desire. And, I want to get to know that part of you too. That's why you're sleeping in here and I'm sleeping on the sofa."

Natalie reached up and kissed me gently on the forehead. Then she rose and turned to open a dresser drawer.

"I'm not about to run you out of your bed."

"You don't get an option. After all, it's only fair; you loaned me your coat; I loan you my bed."
"Doesn't work that way." I stood and shrugged off the jacket.

She put a pair of plaid pajamas and a t-shirt in my hands. "Here. Bathroom's right in there." She smiled sweetly and pointed toward another door leading off from the bedroom.

I didn't know what to do, so I walked into the bathroom and changed into her clothes. They fit me loosely and comfortably. I felt relaxed. I used her mouthwash and then washed my face. Once free of makeup I looked into the mirror for a while and wondered what she would think of me if I weren't so well put together. It was time to see. 

I left the bathroom and found the duvet turned down with the lamp casting a soft glow over the room, but no Natalie. I dropped my clothes on the floor beside the bed and went into the other room.

She was sitting on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket, with glass of water in her hand. 

"Hey," I said.

"You look cute in my clothes."

I blushed slightly. 

"And, you're turning red again. I was just about to watch the news and weather before I went to sleep, care to watch the woes of the world with me?"

I nodded; she scooted over pulled the blanket off herself and offered it to me. I let her hand me the soft fleece, and then I tossed it back over her shoulders and sat down next to her, wrapping it around us both. 

"Oh."

We were sitting so closely that her crossed knees leaned over my legs. "Don't worry; I don't bite," I said and smiled. She leaned over and placed her glass on the table and leaned her head on my shoulder.

She clicked the remote and the TV came to life.

Sometime within the next thirty minutes of reports of economic downturns and natural disasters, Natalie dozed off. I was slowly falling asleep as well, and yet, very aware of how comfortable I was with her weight against me. I wanted to lie down, but I wasn't ready to break contact. 

My arm was well on the way to losing all sensation so I decided to relocate both of us to the bedroom. I gently moved my arm up and over the back of Natalie's head and nudged Natalie. 

She woke up just enough to touch my face and groggily say, "No, stay." 

"I'm not going anywhere tonight," I told her, and quickly changed my mind about moving. I shifted my position so that I was lying with my back to the sofa and Natalie was tucked in front of me. I pulled the blanket around us tightly and hugged her to me. The last thing I remember before drifting off was breathing in the scent of her hair and feeling her hand lightly on my arm. 



Chapter 3

The next morning I woke up alone. The smell of coffee was strong and I opened my eyes to see Natalie sitting in the big chair to the right of the sofa, with her legs folded carefully under her and a cup of coffee balancing on her knee.

I didn't move immediately. I just looked at her. She was even more beautiful in the fresh light of morning than she was last night. She had her hair pulled back sloppily, leaving a few errant hairs hanging in her face as she read The Guardian.

We slept together. I could feel my face turn red. 

I moved my arm; Natalie looked at me, "Morning. I didn't want to wake you, but I wasn't sure what time your flight was."

"No, it's perfect." I sat up and stretched my arms above my head.

"What's perfect?"

"Hmmm?" I mumbled, and sat back on the sofa.

"You said, 'it's perfect.'"

"Oh, just, this," I looked around the room; "You sitting there drinking coffee and reading the paper."

"This isn't perfection; it's routine," she laughed.

"Maybe, but from my point of view it's perfect."

She looked at me with a bemused smile. "Well, then you need to get up and get some coffee in you so you can see straight." Natalie folded the paper and set it on the coffee table. She stood and walked towards the kitchen, asking over her shoulder, "What time is your flight anyway?"

"1 p.m. What time is it now?" I stood and folded up the blanket and laid it on the end of the sofa. I replaced the pillows we had knocked off during the night and walked into the kitchen.

"It's 7:00 a.m." She pulled down a cup for me. "Black?" 

"Please."

"What time do you need to leave for the airport? And where're your bags?" She sat a Mickey Mouse mug in front of me.

"Nice mug." It was red with big mouse ears for the handles on either side. 

"Watch it; that's a classic. I reserve it for very special people."

"Well then."

"So, are your bags at a hotel or something?"

"I was just going to stay at some hostel in the city, so yeah, my bags are at the airport already. I guess I need to be there around 10:30 a.m."

"Want anything to eat?" 

"No thank you." I smiled at her. She smiled back and pulled a stool around the bar to sit opposite me.

"Good, cause omelets are not my specialty."
"Really? That's a shame," I told her, "Cause I was hoping you could get me to like them."

She laughed and pushed a bit of hair behind my ear. "I'm glad you stayed last night." 

"Me too."

"When will you be back from the states? January?"

"Yeah. I fly back on the fifteenth, I think. I don't know for sure. The info's in my bag." 

"Shame."

"What?" 

"That I just met you and you're already going as far away as possible."

"It's Georgia, not Australia," I smirked, "But I'll be back."



I glanced around the kitchen, then the living room. I looked everywhere I could to focus on not blushing. I could feel Natalie watching me. My eyes lighted on the workspace with the vase. 

"What's that?" I indicated it with a nod.

"That? Nothing."

"Looks like you're a bit of an artist. But tell me, why the stack of magazines; I mean, why the National Geographics?"

Natalie looked in the direction of the vase. "Doesn't the color just seem warm? Inviting? It's going to be the top of the world."

"Vase?"

"World. I've been collecting various magazines of different genres and color covers to build up a representation of human nature and what we feel in relation to colors and theoreticals."

"National Geographic: sun, warmth, golden yellow. Makes sense," I sipped my coffee; Natalie didn't elaborate. "So, the blue is..." I prompted. I had an idea, but I wanted to hear her say it, though explanations from the artist can as easily define a work as fence it in.

"The blue is the basis of life. Some are Conde' Naste Travelers; some are oceanography magazines, pool journals, island life mags, and I even think there might be a few quarterlies on lagoon studies rolled up in there."

"Green?"

"Yep, travel magazines, green issue magazines, and I've managed to collect a couple of rainforest ones from Africa too."

"What next?" I asked.

"It's more fun for you to guess. Besides, I'm not quite sure where it's going to go. I have the colors in mind, but only one or two set in stone." She returned her full attention to me, "And even stones roll over from time to time."

I took a long sip of my coffee and thought about the colors, the art, the hands that created it.

Natalie looked at me, a smile creeping across her lips. I could feel my face turn red under her scrutiny. "What?" I finally asked.

"You're cute when you blush." 

"Right." 

My face was burning. 

She reached across and brushed my hair back. "You are." She stood up. "Great. We've got to get moving if you want to make that flight. If you want a shower there are towels and such in the closet. Want any more coffee?"

"No, I'm good. But I am going to grab a quick shower." I took my cup to the sink and began to wash it. She put her hand over mine on the soapy mug. I froze. 

"I've got this. Go get a shower." She smiled at me. Damn it. My face was burning again. I turned and tried to duck out of the kitchen before she noticed. As I crossed the living room I heard her call. "And you might want to use cold water; see if you can get rid of that blush." 

Thirty minutes later, I was dressed in the clothes I had on the night before, my hair was damp and curly and Natalie was insisting, from the other room, that she was going to Victoria Station with me. While I was in the shower, she had put on some casually ripped jeans and a fitted, long sleeve t-shirt that brought out the color of her eyes. Her makeup was subdued. She looked good. I felt under dressed. 

I was staring at her. 

"What?"

"Nothing," I bumbled. I turned and headed towards the door. "We should get going." I could hear her shoes on the hard wood behind me. She grabbed her keys off the table in the hallway and I opened the door and walked onto the landing. I held the door open and waited for her. She stopped inside the flat and was holding my jacket in her hands, smirking.

"Are you trying to leave your jacket here so you have a reason to come back to my place again?"

"Actually, yes." I grinned at her. She held open my jacket and I slipped into it. "Thank you, my lady," I put on my best high-brow voice.

"You are most welcome," she mimicked my pompous tone.

We braced ourselves against the cold December wind and walked in silence to the tube station. Down through the stairwells and tunnels, we pushed our way onto the crowded platform to wait. She pointed to the mice playing under the track. "Someone better get them out of here or the line will be closed for mice removal." A man next to her chuckled. 

When the train approached, she grabbed my hand and squeezed. The doors opened and people spilled onto the platform; she nodded to me and stepped forcefully forward into the car. She pulled me in behind her with just enough space for the door to close around my head. The tube was packed. We were standing face to face, so close together that our bodies were almost touching. 

The tube lurched forward; I lost my balance, and quickly reached to either side of Natalie to catch myself. Her hands caught my hips. There was no longer any air between us. When the tube got up to speed I pushed off the door to give her some room. Natalie pulled back against my hips to maintain the connection. I looked at her, but she was looking away. 

At Victoria Station we made our way up to the trains and over to the Gatwick Express. The next train was leaving in three minutes. 

We stood by the train doors, looking at our feet, both wanting to say something, anything. "I'm really glad I met you last night," I began, "And not just because you're cheaper to stay with than a hostel." I smiled, joking as I tended to do when the mood was tense.

Natalie smiled back. "Just you wait. The first time at the chateau de Brayton is free, but next time will cost you."

"Certainly are sure there'll be a next time, aren't we?"

"Well, yes." She looked down and then stepped forward and grabbed my hands. "I mean it. I do hope there will be a next time."

"There will be." The train was about to leave. I pulled Natalie into a hug and held her tightly. I released her and stepped back. I felt my eyes begin to fill; I didn't understand. How could she have me so undone when I just met her? I stepped back and into the train. The doors began to beep. Natalie rushed forward and jumped through them as they closed. 

I was too shocked to say anything until the train slowly pulled away from the station. "I couldn't let you go, yet." She said.

"I'm glad you jumped on, because I would have had a tough time explaining how I missed my flight by jumping off the Gatwick Express right before it left."

She smiled and grabbed my hand, and led me to a set of empty seats. We rode the whole way to Gatwick, not saying much, but holding each other's hand and watching London recede from view. 

We pulled into the station at the airport and the doors opened. We hopped out of the train and walked to get my luggage out of storage; Natalie waited with me while I checked it in and got my boarding pass. It was around 10:30 a.m. "I don't suppose you're hungry?" I ventured.

"No, but I would love a cup of coffee."

We went to Starbucks; she reached for her purse to pay, but I shot her a look and said, "You promised." 

"Yes, I did, but I didn't specify when I would let you buy me that coffee. And I choose not to redeem that promise until you get back."

Natalie paid for our drinks and we settled into large, leather chairs with our knees almost touching. I was nervous. 




Falling Home Ch. 02



"So..." Natalie began.

"I feel like this is a first date."

"I know what you mean," she said. 

"I haven't been on a date in ages. What do you talk about on first dates?"

"Well, you can tell me about you, or your family, or your school, or your hair, your eyes, your skin, your mouth. It doesn't really matter what you say. I just want to hear your voice so I can remember it while you're gone."

"That's sweet. But what about you? Where're you from?"

"Originally, I'm from Steventon." 

My face lit up. I smiled at her. "Yeah, that's right," she said, "Jane Austen's hometown. But really, there's not much else there." 

"Is your family still there? Is your family related to Jane?"

"Jane? Are the two of you on a first name basis?"

"Yeah, we're close."

She leaned her head back and laughed. Her throat was exposed and I was starring again. God, you're beautiful.

"What?"

"Shit, did I say that out loud?" Stupid! My face was burning. 

Natalie put her hand on my knee. "You are too, you know."

"Nothing like you, but thank you." An elderly man walked by and bumped her chair. The moment dissipated.

"So, you're not related to Jane Austen."

"No."

"And is your family still in Steventon?"

"Yeah."

She wasn't opening up, but I wasn't content to drop it or put the focus on myself. I tried again. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Her eyes clouded over. "I have an older brother and sister. Both are married with kids and living right down the lane from mom."

"Dad?"

Natalie hesitated and looked away. She shook her head and seemed to come to a decision. She looked at me and said, "Dad died a few years back. Let's just say that mom and dad could never accept their youngest daughter's lifestyle. So, back to your family. Have any siblings? Older? Younger?"

I could see a painful story written on her face. I didn't push the matter. All I could do was give her an opportunity to talk if she wanted one. When people are ready to talk, they just need to know that someone is willing to listen.

"I have an older sister. She's twenty five, lives in Tennessee and is married with two kids that are regular hellions. My mom and dad are still together and as traditional and narrow minded as ever, but I figured out a long time ago that what they don't know won't hurt them."

"Ah. Understood. You and your family get along?"

"Sometimes. We have our ups and downs, but they're family. I have to love them no matter what, cause they've always loved me."

Natalie looked away again. She was thinking about her family; I could tell. I tried switching topics. "What's your favorite thing to do on a weeknight after a long day of graphic designing?"

"I like to sit at home and relax, turn on the fireplace, get a glass of wine and watch a movie or read a book. Why?"

"I'm just planning a night together for when I get back." I smiled at her and patted her knee. The board behind her showed my gate number. I had to get moving if I was going to make it through security and still have time to find a toilet before boarding. 

"I've got to go," I said. 

"I know. But that doesn't mean I want you to."

We stood up. No matter how many times I go to Gatwick, I always look for rubbish bins that aren't there. I sat my cup down on a near-by table and Natalie and I walked to the security checkpoint. 

"Well, I guess this is goodbye," she said.

"No, it's see you later."

"Right." Natalie stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. I held on to her for a long time, inhaling her scent and trying to remember her feel. Finally we broke the hug and she stepped back. "I'll let you know exactly when I'll be back," I said.

"Ok."

"Bye."

I turned and got in the long line for security. Natalie walked toward the exit. I couldn't do this. I couldn't let her walk away. I couldn't always be the coward that gets chased. 

"God, help me," I prayed and ducked under the security partition and rushed to catch up to Natalie. I reached her in the area between the inner and outer doors of the airport. I grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. Before I could lose my nerve I gently put my hands on her face and pressed my lips against hers. I held that position for a moment. Then I slowly pulled back and kept my eyes closed. 

"Hey," Natalie spoke in a whisper. "Look at me."

I did. 

"I couldn't let you walk away without knowing what you did to me," I confessed. I released my hold on her face and my hands trembled. I was overcome with emotion. I'd never kissed anyone so suddenly before. I'd never kissed a girl at all. 

Shit, shit, shit! I looked everywhere but at Natalie. I knew that she would know how inexperienced I was and wouldn't want me, but my God, I wanted her. 

"You've never done that before." It wasn't a question.

I looked at her in mock horror. "What gives you that idea?"

"It's okay. But you didn't have to. I could have waited as long as it took."

"But I couldn't." 

Natalie smiled. The dimples appeared in her cheeks and her lips shined with my lip gloss. She leaned forward and kissed me softly, then leaned her forehead against mine. "You better go, and come back to me."

I touched my lips and smiled. "You bet your sweet ass I'll be back." I grinned, cheekily, showing all my teeth and not caring that I was making a fool of myself in the airport doorway. I turned and walked confidently back to the security checkpoint, ready for Christmas to be over. 



Falling Home Ch. 03



Chapter 3

The flight was long an uneventful. I thought about Natalie the entire way. By the time the plane touched down in Atlanta I had memorized everything about her and decided that I rather liked the way the corner of her eyes crinkled slightly when she smiled, showing lines that would deepen as she laughed her way into old age.

I was running through our brief time together for the umpteenth time when I heard, rather than saw, my mom. "Adrianne! Adi, over here Adi!"

Mom and dad were standing by the luggage carrousel with my bags. She was waving at me, the tinsel decorations of her Christmas earrings dancing in the light. I smiled at her and waved. She poked dad in the side and he walked to meet me.

"Lookin' good, pumpkin," he wrapped me in a big hug. Dad was tall and lanky. He had to stoop down to hug me and his arms wrapped around both me and my back pack.

"You look good too dad. I've missed you."

"I've missed you more."

Mom was still by my luggage looking as antsy as a kid waiting for Santa. She was bouncing on her heels and smiling hugely. She waved me forward with impatience. "I guess you better go hug your mother. She's going to have a fit if you don't."

Dad took my bag and I went to mom. She squeezed me and I could smell the salon-fresh scent of her hair. I stood back and smiled at her. "Did you get your hair done just to come pick me up?"

"Yes, I had it done this morning. I wanted them to cut it, but not a whole lot, and to add color. You see here," she pointed to the top of her head, "I had them put a deep red here so it would cover any grays and then I thought, 'what the heck' and had them do a whole range of colors to blend. It couldn't decide what to do with it. Can you see what they did there?" She turned around and pointed to the back of her neck.

"It looks really good."

"Different, huh?"

"Yeah," I looked at dad. He shrugged slightly so mom wouldn't notice. Her hair looked the same as it did the last time we were standing in the Atlanta airport.

"It always looks nice," Dad said. He grabbed my other bag and began to move towards the exit. "We should get moving. When we get to the car I want to hear all about England."

"Oh yes. You have to tell us all about it. What it's like, the people, the food? I really want to hear about all your posh friends."

Mom kept talking until we reached the car. I never got a chance to get a word in to answer her. I don't think she really wanted an answer, anyway. We had pulled out of the parking lot and were well on the way home before she asked me the question I had been dreading.

"So, are you dating anyone?"

I sighed, "No."

"Well you have to try, you know. You're pretty, but you can't just sit around and read your books all day. You have to make and effort and meet people."

"I know, mom," I tried to placate her.

"How else are you going to get married?"

"Life's not all about getting married." I did not want to get into this before we even got home. It was bad enough that I was going to school to study something masculine like Literary Theory, but not to have married first; that was one of the 'cardinal sins according to mom'.

"Yes, but if you don't get married, you're going to be alone. You don't want to be alone. Do you?"

"Sometimes. Depends on the mood I'm in."

She didn't appreciate my joke. "I hope you're in the right mood while you're home; that's all I have to say."

"Why?" I asked. Mom sounded hopeful. Too hopeful.

"No reason."

"Dad, what's mom talking about?"

"Hmmm?" He acted like he wasn't following the conversation. Maybe he really was concentrating on the road, but I doubted it. Dad was more laid back than mom, but he still was very traditional and even though he has never said anything, I know he was disappointed when I decided not to stay home and run the shop and settle down, have a few kids.

"I asked what mom has up her sleeve."

Dad looked at me in the rearview mirror and smiled, "There's no telling what she has up those sleeves. Look at them. Do you really want to know?"

Mom playfully smacked dad in the arm and they both laughed. I was a bit worried, but ignored it as we pulled off onto our exit.

Coming home is an event. It always is, and there will always be some part of my extended family to take up my time. I was hardly in the door before the phone was ringing with various grandparents and cousins wanting to know when I was free.

I wasn't sure I wanted to be free.

Mom was chatting to grandmother Strum as I made faces indicating that I didn't want to talk and escaped to my room. I closed the door behind me and fell onto my bed. My room hadn't changed a since I'd left. This was going to be a long vacation.

I was falling asleep, thinking about Natalie, when mom burst through the door announcing that we would all be having dinner at 7:30 p.m.

"By all, who do you mean?" I asked, not bothering to sit up.

"You know; the family."

"So you, me, dad?"

"And Grandmother Strum, Grandmother and Grandfather Benson, your cousins Colton, Jane, Annie, Holly, Emma, Bonnie, Amanda, John and Clay. And, a few of their kids."

"You're kidding right?" I hoped to God she was kidding. She was looking in the mirror and ignoring the look of horror on my face.

"What? We always have a family get together." She was acting innocent, which made it worse.

"It's just that I feel like chilling out and not doing anything tonight. I had a long flight; I'm gross; I need a shower and I want to go to bed."

"You have a few hours, plenty of time to shower and have a quick nap."

"Where're we going?"

"We're having a little back-yard barbecue." I groaned; mom ignored me and continued to fluff her hair in the mirror. "You think this hair is alright? I'd hate to give your Grandma Strum a heat attack."

"If something as small as changing your hair gives her a heart attack, then God help her. It looks fine."

After mom left, I rolled off my bed and dug my cell phone out of my bag. I plugged it into the charger and called Kim, my best friend. I knew that after a family get together like mom had planned that I was going to need to go have more than a few drinks to relax and undo the trauma that repeating myself fourteen times would cause. In fact, I invited Kim to dinner.

It was nearing 7:30 p.m. and I couldn't hide in my room any longer. There was a soft knock on my door. "Come in."

Dad stuck his head in. He was wearing a goofy chef's hat and an apron from his butcher shop, stained pink from years of bloody chopping. "Hey," he wiggled some tongs at me, "Just letting you know that everyone's arriving and I'm about to start up the grill. You should probably think about coming down."

I smiled at him, "Okay dad, I'll be there in a minute."

I took the next five minutes to pack on extra concealer to cover the dark circles that were well formed under my eyes and added a bit of perfume to my neck. Shit. Grandmother Benson's allergic to practically everything.

I opened the door to my room and yelled down the hall, "Is grandma Benson coming?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Grandma Benson called back to me.

Shit. I went to the bathroom and began to scrub at my neck, trying to get all the perfume off that I could. I tossed some baby powder on my neck for good measure and hoped to God that she wasn't allergic to that too. Then I went down to face the crowd, red neck and all.

Grandma Benson met me at the bottom of the stairs with arms wide open. "Grandma!" I went into her arms.

"I was wondering when you would grace us with your presence," Grandma said.

"Yeah shorty, she was about to brave the stairs with her knees and come get you," Grandpa Benson laughed. He still looked the same. A few more gray hairs, but his belly, button up shirt and unlit cigar dangling from his mouth showed he was still the grandpa I knew and loved.

Grandma Benson released me and said, "You smell wonderful, Adi. What is that? Baby Powder?"

"Matter of fact, it is."

Grandpa held open his arms. I went into his massive hug and stayed there for as long as I could. He smelled of unlit tobacco and mint from the tin of Altos he kept in his pocket. Grandpa Benson was my favorite relative. He was much more relaxed and liberal than the rest of the family who generally ascribed to a Hell fire and damnation view of the world. I think family money gave him that luxury.

I missed getting to sit down and talk to Grandpa Benson. He used to take me fishing and tell me about the world. He was the one who inspired me to go abroad for my degree. Hell, he told me to get my degree anyway, when everyone else in the family expected me to just take over at the shop and move from weekend counter girl to full-time, small town butcher.

As I broke away from Grandpa Benson he winked at me. I winked back and turned around, quickly finding myself in another relative's embrace.

Around 8 p.m. dad was serving up the burgers and steaks from the grill. He grilled chicken just for me. I thanked him as I moved down the line and added salad, grilled vegetables and a roll to my plate.

I had almost given up hope for Kim when mom brought her through the back door and yelled, "Adi, Kim's here." She ushered Kim my way, but not before steering her through the line for food.

"I thought you were standing me up." I tried to look angry.

"You did not. I just wanted to give your family time to begin stuffing their faces before I showed up."

"I wish I could have done that." I led Kim under the large Pecan tree near the back of the yard, away from my crazy family. I put my food on the ground and took hers from her and did the same. "Hey," she started to object but I turned to her and wrapped her in a hug.

"Hey yourself," I said in her ear. "I missed you so much. Do you know what it's like to go around the world and not meet anyone that can come close to being as good a friend as you?"

"Aw, you're sweet. I missed you too Adi."

After we had finished eating and the family had begun to peter out and go back to their respective homes, Kim asked, "So, whatcha got in mind for tonight?"

"I was thinking that I need to go to the Turnbull."

"Good choice. You ready to go?"

"Since I landed."

I thanked mom and dad for the lovely welcome home barbecue. Then Kim and I made our way to the Turnbull, the local bar in our small town. Kim and I had spent many a drunken nights here. But living in such a small town made it hard to get too crazy without everyone dropping by your dad's shop to bend his ear a little; another reason I had to get away.

I was the lightweight; Kim was the drinker. I ordered myself a glass of red wine and Kim a pint of Guinness and took them to the corner table she nabbed for us. I sat her beer down in front of her, spilling a little on the table.

"Easy there, tiger. That's like spilling gold."

"Except you can't go have another pint of gold poured at the bar. Guess it's a good thing I'm not a waitress."

"Yeah, you definitely wouldn't get a tip from me." I smacked Kim in the arm.

"So tell me, how's life on the other side?"

Other side of what? Am I that obvious? Can she tell that I've been thinking of nothing but a girl that I only met last night? I need to say something.

I bit my tongue.

"Life's good. Busy, rainy, and cold, but I love it." Kim seemed to buy what I was telling her. "How's life over here? You still like your job?"

"Yeah, my job's not too bad. I guess that degree was pretty useless, but I like being a sales rep." She took a pull of her drink. "It's something different everyday. You know?"

"I know," I reassured her.

"And, I don't have to sit in a stuffy office. And, the company pays for my cell phone."

My purse buzzed at me. "Speaking of cell phones." I put down my wine and pulled out my cell; I flipped it open. It said, "One new message." I opened the text, it was from Natalie: I'm not sure if you'll get this, but I hope you had a safe trip and good holidays! <3 Natalie P.S. last night was great.

I stared at the screen for a while, too long, because Kim was trying to get my attention. "Wow," she said once I was paying attention, "That must be a hard core text for you to study it so long."

"No, it's just from a friend in London, wishing me happy holidays," I tried to act nonchalant, but inside my heart was racing.

"So who is this friend? Does my Adi have a new love interest that she hasn't told me about yet?"

I could feel the blush creeping up on my face. I quickly flipped my phone shut and drank some wine. "Me? A love interest? Hardly. You should know better than that Kim."

"Then why are you blushing like mad?"

Shit. "I uh..." I started to talk, but I couldn't get the words out.

"Come on. Tell me all about tall, dark and handsome."

"Really, it's nothing. No big deal."

"Never is, is it?" Kim swiped my cell phone and flipped it open. I reached for it and spilt her beer everywhere. Kim jumped up, cursing and went to the bathroom to dry off her shirt and pants. I grabbed napkins from the bar and mopped up the table. It was only then I realized that she had taken my phone with her.

I downed the rest of my wine and waited. A few minutes later Kim walked out and stopped at the bar. She carried a new beer over to the table and sat down. I didn't say anything. She pulled my phone out of her purse and made as if to hand it to me. Then jerked it back.

"You know I love you. But you've got some explaining to do." She handed me my phone. I fingered it and slid it into my purse and looked at Kim.

"Come on Adi. What's going on?"

I sighed, "I don't know. I mean. I just went to a bar last night and it turned out to be a gay bar. And we got to talking at the bar and then she kept turning up at all the right times to save me when someone would hit on me. And then we went to a coffee shop to get out of the smoke and I ended up going home with her..."

"You didn't!"

"But nothing happened. I slept on the sofa. She wouldn't let me take a bus back to my hostel at that time of the morning. Then I went to the airport this morning and that's it. I swear."

"Why don't I believe you?"

Cause I don't believe it myself? I tried to look genuine and like I wasn't holding something back. She wasn't buying it.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing!"

"I know you better than that. A girl you just met doesn't send texts across the Atlantic just to make sure you got home alright when she just met you. Pony up."

"It's nothing."

"Liar."

"It's just that, there's something there. Every time she touched me, innocent touching," I put my hands up to help make my case, "something shot through me. I don't know what's happening, but she does something to me." I looked down. I had barely been able to deal with this myself; I didn't know how my best friend would react.

I waited with bated breath. Kim didn't say anything. My eyes teared up. What if she hated me? What if she told my parents? What would happen then? I was beginning to freak out when I felt Kim's hand slide over mine.

"No matter what, I love you Adi. You're my best friend and if some chick makes you happy, that's okay with me, as long as you don't get hurt. Okay?"

"I..." I started to talk and then began to cry in earnest as my gratitude overwhelmed me. "I don't know what's going on with me. I've never... I mean I didn't think... what will people say? You won't tell anyone will you?"

"You're secret's safe with me," she said and handed me a damp napkin to wipe my tears. "Now stop crying. This is still a small town and tomorrow it'll be everywhere that I made you cry at the bar. Come on, cheer up."

I sniffed a bit and stopped crying. "I'm never this emotional; I'm just exhausted. We should get going."

Kim didn't move. I stood and waited for her to do the same. "We're not going anywhere till you text your girlfriend back and tell you got home safe and that you're thinking about her and that you love her and want to kiss her and..."

"Kim! I do not."

"Then text her."

"Fine." I sat back down and pulled out my phone and got ready to compose a message; then my mind went blank.

"I don't know what to say," I admitted.

"Tell her you made it home ok and that you hope she has a great holiday too."

"You are brilliant, what would I do without you?"

"There's no telling. Don't forget to tell her you want to see her soon and that you will dream of her."

"Kim, please," I admonished, but I knew that I would.

By the time Kim dropped me off at my parent's it was well past one in the morning. I was exhausted. I washed my face and changed clothes and fell into bed. I was almost asleep when my cell phone buzzed again from my purse.

I drug myself out of bed and retrieved my phone, not bothering to check the message until I was tucked under my covers again. It was from Natalie. "Email me sometime- Xoxo."

I closed my phone and tried to get some sleep.



Falling Home Ch. 04



The next morning I woke up to my mother knocking on my door. She stuck her head in as I pulled the covers off, "Hey sunshine, I just wanted to let you know that I'm headed into town, then to the club and won't be back till later; lunch with the girls and all that. Your car is in the drive and your dad got it all ready to go. So, stop by the shop and thank him. Ok hun? Bye bye."

Like that, she was gone. The clock read 9:46 a.m. I knew I wasn't going back to sleep. I threw back the covers and my cell phone flew out of my bed and bounced across the floor.

Right, Natalie sent me a text.

I put the phone on my dresser and went in search of coffee. The pot was empty and the stuff in the cabinet didn't entice me. I made a quick decision to go to the local coffee shop and load up on caffeine before attempting my Christmas shopping.

Twenty minutes later, I grabbed my laptop and was out the door. My little Honda Civic was sitting in the drive looking just as good as it did when I left it in September. Dad kept it in good condition and grandmother Strum had been driving it back and forth to church and to get her hair done each week.

The car smelled slightly of stale old lady; I didn't mind. I backed out of the drive and headed to The Playwrite Café. It's a small café that hosts open mike nights on the weekends and stays open late to accommodate the crowd of small-city college students and artsy types. I loved this place when I was in high school. The coffee was strong and the sofas were comfy.

I ordered my usual large coffee and plugged in my laptop. I booted up and checked my email. I thought I might as well send Natalie a short message. I wrote:

Dear Natalie,

Life back home is hectic, but at least it's dry and warm. I miss you, but consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to do the "welcome home barbecue" with my family; my WHOLE family. They can be a bit overwhelming. I hope you're having a great time in foggy London town, and that this email finds you well.

Much love,

Adi

P.S. I thought about it on the flight; the red in your vase is pain and suffering, isn't it?

I read over the email a couple of times, debating whether to send it. My cell phone rang; it was mom. "Adi, I just wondered if you've left to go see your dad yet?"

"I'm about to go now. I just dropped by the Playwrite for some coffee."

"Well, I just wanted you to see if we needed any chicken for dinner tonight and if so, tell your father to bring home some. Your sister and her family should be here tomorrow. Aren't you excited?"

I wasn't, but I didn't tell her that. Instead I agreed with her and hit "send" on the email.

"Crap," I said into the phone once I realized I had sent off the email to Natalie.

"What? What happened? Adi, what have I told you about talking and driving?"

"I'm not driving mom, I'm at the coffee shop remember? I just spilt a little coffee on me, I'm fine. I'll go see dad right now."

Once I got off the phone, I turned off the computer and put a lid on my coffee. I left the computer in my car and decided to walk the few blocks to my dad's butcher shop on Main Street.

For the end of December, it was a warm 70 degrees and the sun was shining. I strolled into the shop and heard dad yell from the back, "Be with you in a minute."

I didn't say anything. Instead I walked behind the counter, much to the amusement of the other customers in the shop. I had my back to dad when he came out of the chiller. He said, "I don't think you need to be back here."

"Really?" I interrupted him and turned around, "I would have loved for you to have told me that back when I was working here." Dad smiled and said, "Hey Adi, I didn't expect to see you back in the swing of things so soon; what's new?"

"Not much. I would hug you but you're kinda covered in blood."

He held up a chunk of steak in one hand and shrugged. "Fine, don't hug your old man."

"You know I love you."

"And I love you too, even if you don't want to get bloody." I looked at him.

"I wanted to come by and say thank you for having my car all fixed up and ready to go for me."

He handed the steak over to a customer and took her money. He glanced out the window, "I don't see your car out there."

"I was over at the coffee shop and decided it was too pretty a day not to walk."

"I see."

My cell phone rang. It was Kim, she wanted to meet and go shopping in the afternoon. I agreed to meet her for a light lunch at the local deli in a few hours. It was right down the street. The door to the shop opened and three more customers piled in calling greetings to dad and looking at me like they'd seen a ghost.

"Yes, she's back, but for a limited time only," my dad joked, "until I can convince her otherwise."

"Yup, I got a few hours to kill, need some help with this ratty old cash register?"

"I would love some help. It'll be just like old times. Except I won't have to pay you."

"Who says?" I asked as I fell back into the comfortable rhythm of customers and cash.

Twenty minutes late, Kim walked into the shop and we left together. Over sandwiches Kim said, "So, how's your girlfriend?"

"Kim!" I looked around to make sure no one was listening.

"What? It's the twenty first century. No one actually cares about a lil' girl on girl action. Hell, most people would drool over it."

"But not here. Not my family."

"Yes here. But yeah," Kim conceded, "not your family."

I sighed and sat back. "It's not a big deal. It's nothing, you know." Kim nodded, acknowledging that she knew what I was talking about.

"Well, if it ever comes to taking sides. I've got your back and you always have a place to crash. I mean, you'll have to share the sofa with Toby, but..."

"Toby, that mangy mutt!?"

"Hey," Kim stood up and acted indigent, "I'll have you know that Toby is a prize winning specimen. And if you don't want to share the sofa with Toby, you can always fight him for it."

"I'd rather share the bed with you." I wiggled my eyebrows at her and she shoved me out the door of the deli, laughing all the way.

We hopped into my car and I drove us towards Atlanta where we could get some real shopping done. We walked around, window shopping until I looked at my watch and realized that we had spent almost four hours shopping and I only had one hat to show for all our effort.

"This is crazy. I just want to buy a few gifts, I don't want to spend my life savings to pay for Christmas," I was complaining; I knew it.

"Look, let's get the car and swing through a coffee shop drive thru on the way to Little Five Points. It has the best vibe; junk stores next to boutiques. It's great."

I agreed. I hadn't been to Little Five Points in years, but I wanted to get there and be on the road again before the sun set.

Once my energy level was restored, I was ready to shop. I parked on a side road and bounded into the first boutique where I bought a couple of classmates some kitsch, American items. We walked down the sidewalk and passed a used clothing store. I ducked in and soon found myself walking to the dressing room with arms loaded with cheesy clothing that I would never wear.

A few minutes later I was walking around the store in rhinestone covered jeans, used yellow cowboy boots and a fitted, plaid, snap up cowboy shirt, complete with silk tassels along the arms. Kim saw me and burst out laughing.

"Jesus, I can't be seen with you if you're going to look like that," she said between giggles.

I went back to the dressing room. "Wait, I've got to get a picture of this."

I turned and posed for Kim, looking about as sexy as rhinestones and plaid will allow anyone to look. When I found Kim again she was looking through old vinyl records and I wanted to move on to the purse boutique next door. I walked next door and stepped inside, almost colliding with a girl about my age.

She smiled at me and I apologized for almost knocking her down. I felt my face turning red. She wasn't particularly cute; I couldn't explain my reaction. I stepped back and let her leave the store; I watched her walk away. She had nice brown hair, a cute cardigan in a light purple and jeans. To finish off the outfit she was wearing 6-inch stack black boots with metal spikes sprouting off in all directions.

I smirked and shook my head. Kim chose that moment to walk past the girl and see me giving her the once over. Kim looked back at the girl and I knew I'd been caught looking.

I groaned, "It's not what you think."

"Sure, it's not." Kim acted innocently.

"Really, I almost ran into her and then I stepped back to let her out the door and I..." my face was turning red. Kim was smiling at me, she was enjoying this. I blurted out, "Look at her boots for Christ sake, that's what I was looking at!"

"And I believe you," Kim said in a placating manner and glided past me into the shop.

I never had a clue what to buy Kim for holidays, so what I normally did was go shopping with her and have her pick out what she wanted and I bought it for her. Sometimes I wrapped it; sometimes I just gave it to her then. This shop screamed Kim and I took a seat on the large pea green velour foot rest while Kim tried on top after top.

Thirty minutes later I paid for the light pink dress Kim wanted and picked up the bag.

"This is going to be great to wear tomorrow night," Kim said.

"Not a chance; you've gotta wait till Christmas for this baby."

"That's not fair."

"Sure it is."

We walked along towards my car when we passed a feminist bookshop. I looked up at the sign as Kim peered in the windows crowded with books. "Come on," she said and pulled me in the door.

The door bell brought a middle aged woman with dreadlocks over our way. "Hi, welcome. May I help you find anything?"

"No thanks," Kim replied, "we're just looking around."

The lady, who was obviously bra-less, nodded to us and returned to her post at the counter. Kim and I wandered through the rooms filled with books. The far room had a section for gift items. Calendars and notebooks lined the wall. Some were of women, heroes of the feminist movement, and then there was a spinning rack of videos.

Kim was spinning the video rack and beckoned to me. She picked up a title as I walked over. "Imagine Me and You," she said.

"Hey, I recognize her."

"Been watching many lesbian movies then?" She mocked me and flipped the movie over.

"No, she was in that movie with the singing and dancing on the bar..."

"Coyote Ugly."

"That's it."

Kim put the movie back and slowly spun the rack. "Since we're here, I wonder if they have anything a bit more risqué?"

"What do you want with that?" I asked.

Kim glanced over at me, "I just want to see what gets you going."

"You suck. You know that?"

"Hence, I'm straight." She picked up another movie with Angelina Jolie on the cover. "This looks good; made by HBO, and it's on sale." She tucked it under her arm and spun the rack some more.

"Hmmm. Lesbian Lolita; this looks promising."

I made a face. "What?" Kim asked.

"Lolita."

"What's wrong with Lolita? Lolita's hot."

"Yeah, if you're Humbert and like little girls."

"Point taken," she said and returned the video. I wandered over to the wall of books again. I picked up a book entitled The Pied Piper: Feminist Lesbian Fiction; a compilation of stories. It looked interesting. I jumped when Kim spoke over my shoulder.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, just a second." I kept reading the blurb. Kim grabbed the book and took it to the counter.

"You can have this too. You've really got to loosen up." She paid for the book and we deposited our purchases in the trunk and headed back home.

The trip home was uneventful. The hard part was going to be getting the book back in the house without my parents seeing it. My purse was too little to hold it and the hat box didn't have room inside.

I dropped Kim off at her car in town a few minutes earlier and she had left the book sitting on the passenger seat when she gathered her bags from the trunk. Now, back at home, I was almost hyperventilating. The book sat on the seat like a beacon of my unnaturalness. I slammed my car in park and shoved the book under the passenger seat. That would have to do for now.

I went inside and put away the gifts I had bought. Mom was making dinner; it would be ready in a few minutes. In my room I dropped the gifts on the floor and pulled out my laptop.

I opened it up and checked my mail. I had a new message from Natalie. It read:

Hiya Adi,

It was good to hear from you; it made my day. It's warm and dry back in the states? Rub it in why don't you? But at least here it didn't rain today; that's something, right? What do you have planned for Christmas? I bet you have another big family gathering. You think I should consider myself lucky not to have to go to one, but I think it could be fun. Your family sounds lovely, like they love you a lot. Hurry up and come back, I got you a present.

Much love,

Natalie B.

P.S. Nope. Pain and suffering are rarely red, they sneak in under the guise of a cooler color; keep guessing.

I read the email again then I closed my laptop and headed downstairs for dinner. I would reply later.

Down in the kitchen, mom was pulling a chicken out of the oven and dad was sharpening a knife by the sink. They were like a quintessential American couple that I would never be a part of. I pulled out a bar stool and sat down. I was staring off into space thinking about what I would say to Natalie when I heard mom saying, "Earth to Adriane. You there?"

I sat up straight and re-focused my eyes. "Yeah, I'm here."

"Didn't seem like it," dad said. He was now carving the chicken.

"I was just wondering why you cooked so much food, not that it doesn't look great," I told them.

"I just wanted enough for sandwiches tomorrow. Your sister and her family are arriving and some of the family are coming around. Speaking of," she looked up from where she was dishing up vegetables into a big bowl, "You and your sister need to go shopping tomorrow and pick up something for your grandparents."

After dinner, I excused myself and went to email Natalie. I opened my laptop and re-read her message. Then I began:

Dear Natalie,

I was stuck. I couldn't think of a single thing to say.

The weathers nice; wish you were here.

I sighed and lay down and fell asleep right away.



Falling Home Ch. 05



Chapter 5

The next morning I again woke to a knocking on the door. I heard mom's chipper voice through the wood. She opened it, "I just wanted to see if you were awake yet."

"I am now," I answered, grumpily.

"Hey now, fuss-budget, you need to get up. Your sister will be here in less than two hours!" 

"Joy." I pulled the covered back over my head. 

"Great! So get up and come help me make cookies before they get here."

I made a noncommittal noise and waited until she closed the door. It was seven A.M. Mrs. Way-too-happy-in-the-mornings and I would have to have a pow-wow about this waking me up. But I was awake now. I noticed the computer beside me and rolled my finger across the touch pad.

It hummed to life and the email was still on the screen. I tried again.

Dear Natalie,

Matter of fact, it IS nice and warm here. Maybe I could have left the jacket with you. I haven't needed it, and that would guarantee that you would see me when I come back to London. Yeah, we do have another big family thing. Today my sister and her family are coming to town and we have to do the annual "sister shopping trip". Things are crazy here! I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Kim to keep me sane. What do you have planned for Christmas? Anything exciting? We're just doing the family thing. Church, lunch, board games, dinner and lots of hot apple cider. I gotta run, I'm supposed to be making cookies, but I couldn't leave you hanging. I hope your day is filled with warmth and sun...literally. 

Much love,

Adi

P.S. I'll have to think about the color scheme a little more. Where does black fit in? Darkness?

I dressed to go running and headed to the kitchen. Mom quickly put down the phone and whirled around towards me. "I thought you were going to make cookies for me?" she asked.

"I am, but if you want me to eat them, I'm going to need to work them off too."

"I don't see why."

"Cause you want your daughter to be marketable marriage material, don't you?"

"You take all the running time you need dear," mom giggled. 

"Thanks," I replied flatly and headed out the door. 

A good run always clears my head. And, God knows my head was filled with all sorts of things. I ran for forty-five minutes and then walked the rest of the loop back to the house. I could smell the chocolate chip cookies from the road. 

Inside, I grabbed a cookie off dad's plate and hugged him over his shoulders. "Hey pumpkin. You smell ripe."

"I know," I smiled, mom wrinkled her nose but didn't say anything, she would put up with anything as long as it would make me dateable. "I'm gonna hop in the shower. I'll be out to help you in a few."

Back downstairs and I grabbed a coffee cup out of the cabinet. I poured a cup and leaned against the counter. Dad had gone to open the shop a few hours earlier than his holiday hours stated he would. He always did things like that around Christmas. That was dad, always going the extra mile. 

"What needs to be made?" I asked.

"I still need to have several batches of oatmeal raisin cookies and a several different types of pies. Just make an extra one; I've got to go out later and drop one at the nursing home."

"Which kind do you want?"

"Surprise me."

"The last time you told her that, I recall a big serving of real mud in the Mississippi mud pie." Coming through the door was Abigail, my big sister. 

"And it was dang tasty too!" I contended. 

"OOOH," mom squealed and rushed to hug my nephew, James, who was five and living out the fantasy of being a Samurai. He stopped her with a sword, but she brushed it aside and swept him into a hug. 

Behind Abigail was her husband Tim, carrying their baby Ashlee, who was only six months old and sound asleep. I sat my cup down and walked over to Abigail. "So you're telling me that you don't think I can be trusted to cook?" I put my hands on my hips and tried to look stern. 

"That's right, you need to be out of the kitchen and helping me shop." She smiled. I smiled too and opened my arms. We hugged for a while. I hadn't seen Abigail since Easter of last year and I had missed her more than I thought. 

I had never met little Ashlee, so I leaned over and rubbed her little fingers with mine. 

"Precious".

"Don't you want one?" Abigail asked.

"Not so much."

"Of Course you do. Children complete you. Besides, I need lots of grandchildren to spoil," mom said. 

"You've got two right here," I told her. "How about that cooking. Want me to knock out the cookies now and I'll do the pies later?"

"Sure," mom said, not so secretly pleased to have both daughters in the kitchen with her. "Tim, you know where Abigail's room is. And those presents can go under the tree in the living room."

Mom followed Tim and James out of the kitchen. Abigail looked at me and said, "Some things never change, do they?"

"Nope," I agreed and rolled up my sleeves.

Elbow deep in cookie dough, Abigail looked at me, "What's different with you?"

I tensed; then forced myself to relax, hoping she didn't notice. Mom was out of the kitchen and Abigail and I were rolling and baking cookies. "Nothing's different. Why?"

"You just seem tense. Have you lost weight?"

"Probably, I haven't seen you in almost a year. Things change in a year." I looked at her. She had flour spread across her cheek and up into her hair. 

"Yeah, they do." She was quiet for a few minutes as we finished another pan and popped it in the oven. "So who is he?"

"He?" I laughed. "No one. Really."

"You can't tell me there's not some lucky guy that's changing you. I'm your big sister; I know all." She looked at me.

"Then you should know that you have flour all over your face and hair."

Abigail looked at herself in the reflection on the microwave door and brushed at the flour. "I do not." She was trying to sound authoritative. I flicked my fingers at her and dusted her face with flour. 

"You do now."

"You little..." At that moment mom walked through the door. 

"How's it going girls? It's so nice to have the family back here cooking like old times."

"You mean us slaving away while you play with your grandkids?" I asked.

"Yes." Mom answered and hummed as she got a pack of old fashioned bon-bons out of the fridge. 

"Mom, those will spoil his lunch."

Mom ignored Abigail and said, "Abigail, you got a lil' something on your face. You might want to brush that off before you two go shopping." With that, mom was gone again.

Abigail wiped her face on a towel as I put the last pan of cookies in the oven. We had made four dozen and were ready for a break. "You about ready to go?" I asked.

"Yeah, as soon as I wash my face and do a quick change of clothes."

Twenty minutes later we were in my car, heading toward Main Street. Mom wanted us to stop by dad's shop and let him see Abigail. Since she had moved to Tennessee, they don't see her but a few times a year. 

I parked in front of the shop and before I shut the car off Abigail was running through the door. I shook my head and followed Abigail inside. 

By the time dad and Abigail caught up on the important events, like James' new obsession with the Far East after watching Mulan, my stomach was rumbling. The shop was eerily quiet and Danny, dad's employee since I had gone off to school, was eager to run the shop on his own. 

Abigail and I insisted that dad go to lunch with us. He agreed, but only if we went to Mrs. Winter's Diner that was only a block away. As we strolled to the diner dad said, "You know, I provide all the meat for this diner."

"We know dad. They gave you your first break as a butcher."

"Yes, but did you know that I still sneak down here a couple of days a week?" Abigail and I looked at him.

"You know mom doesn't like you eating all that greasy spoon stuff." 

"Yeah, what would she say?" I asked. 

"She wouldn't say a thing, because she doesn't know," Dad assured us. "And let's keep it that way. Speaking of, have you spoken to her today? I tried to call her at home but Tim answered said that he didn't know where she was."

"She's probably out taking James around to show off to the neighbors," Abigail chimed in.

Mrs. Winter herself greeted us at the door with hugs and grandmotherly admonitions of our loss of, or gaining of, in Abigail's case, weight. She led us to a large booth in the corner and sat down with us, waving over her help to take her orders. "Get them a pitcher of sweet tea and some biscuits, will you Flora."

Flora scurried off and was busy filling glasses. I caught her eye and mouthed "Coffee." A few minutes later we had caught up on all the latest Church-yard gossip and were ready to order. 

I ate while Abigail and dad talked about the past few months. Mrs. Winter wouldn't hear of us paying so Abigail and I left her the extra package of fresh cookies that we had snuck out of the house, 'In case we got hungry while shopping.'

We walked dad back to work and gave him the cookies we brought. He hugged us both and we got in my car, heading towards Atlanta. 

We shopped, dear Lord did we shop. For endless hours I tried on clothes and held bags containing gifts for everyone I could think of. Twice we made a trip back to the car to put the bags in the trunk. We stopped mid-afternoon for a coffee to restore our energy and were finally able to call it a day a bit after 5pm. 

We were a few minutes from home when Abigail pulled down the vanity mirror and looked at herself. "Good God, I look rough. Why didn't you tell me? I must have scared everyone we met!"

I smirked but didn't reply. Out of her massive purse she pulled a brush that she ran through her hair. Then she grabbed her lipstick and began to apply it. I turned left into the neighborhood and she dropped the top of her lipstick. She reached under the seat and pulled out the book Kim had bought me in the Feminist bookstore. 

I didn't notice. 

"What's this?" She asked.

I glanced over and felt myself turn red. Shit. 

"It's a book." I answered, trying my best to sound happy and joking.

"What are you doing with a lesbian book, Adi? Oh no," she didn't wait for me to say anything; she turned toward me in the seat and said. "Do mom and dad know?"

"Know what?" I asked. I was being indigent. I pulled the car into the drive and shoved it park. 

"Know that you're...that way?"

"What way is that Abigail?" I was already exasperated and I hadn't even begun to defend myself.

"You know..."

"No, I really don't. Do you mean a person who likes to read?"

"I mean a fag." She looked around and whispered the last word like it was illegal. 

I grabbed the book from her and shoved it under my seat. "There is nothing wrong with being gay or lesbian. I have several gay friends." Abigail started to protest, I stopped her, "But, I'll have you know that Kim bought that yesterday and left it in my car when I dropped her off. I shoved it under the seat so that I wouldn't have to deal with all the ridiculous prejudice that just seeing it would cause. Damn!" I took a deep breath. 

"Sorry, I just though that...You know."

"That I was gay?" 

"Yeah," she said softly.

"Would it matter if I were?"

"Not to me. I love you Adi. You're my sister," she said, a little too quickly.

"Thanks." I muttered and grabbed her hands. "Let's keep book this to ourselves. No need in becoming the latest gossip for Mrs. Winter."

"Okay, but only if you carry in all the bags." She grinned and, not waiting for a reply, got out of the car and strode inside, leaving me with all the baggage we'd accumulated.

I didn't get a chance to check my email until late that night. On her way back in from town, Mom had invited my grandparents over and they stayed late catching up with Abigail and the kids. It was well past midnight when I finally booted up my laptop and checked my email. I couldn't help but smile when I saw that Natalie had written.

Hiya,

Sounds like you're having a blast back home. I certainly could have used your jacket these past few days. That way I could MAKE you come back to my place to pick it up. I hope your sister and her family made it okay. Your friend sounds like fun. You should bring her to London sometime. Home made apple cider! The closest I get to that is sticking a glass of Strongbow in the microwave. I can't even imagine having such a big family surrounding me all the time. When do you get time to yourself? I don't really do anything for Christmas. I get a lot of work done and then go out on the town for New Years. Although this year I can think of one person I would like to stand under the mistletoe with...

Best wishes,

Nat

P.S. Black is never darkness. It's actually a shadow, but for me it's something even better. I'll give you a hint, it will be in the very center of both the white and the red bands. 

I smiled and hit reply. 

Natalie,

Who might you want to stand under the mistletoe with? Hmmm? You're right, things here get a bit hectic around this time of year. I love my family, but in a few more days I'm going to be going crazy for a bit of alone time. I get tired of telling the same story of my time in England over and over again. Luckily, I get to sneak off after lunch on Christmas, before the board games start. I have a place in the park that I go every year and just sit and watch the day pass by. You should get to have fun for Christmas too! Try not to work on the day; you should visit family or friends or at least treat yourself to a nice dinner. Don't worry; we'll work on your lack of holiday spirit when I get back. We can even replay Christmas and do it right. 

Strongbow, warm? Ew.

I look forward to seeing you again. And maybe I can talk Kim into coming back with me. The other day she took me into a bookstore and bought me a lesbian book, and my sister found it in my car. It was so awkward! My face was red for an hour! It's getting late here, and tomorrow the family time starts in earnest so I need all the sleep I can get. I hope you have a fantastic day and know I will be thinking about you. 

-Adi

P.S. Black, red and white? Sounds like a chapter from the New Testament, but that could just be cause I'm in "God's country" here. Whatever the hell that means.

Suddenly it was Christmas Eve. For the first time since I came home I woke up before mom came knocking on my door. I thanked God for that; jumped in the shower and was down stairs with a cup of coffee, flipping through the paper by 8am. All was quiet in the house.

Then, James came running through the kitchen like a bat out of hell. Abigail was right on his heels and behind her was mom, decked out in a hideous, red Christmas sweater with bells on it. 

I shook my head. It was going to be a long day. 

Turns out, the day flew by. I was busy wrapping packages and making pies for the big Christmas dinner. Before I knew it, it was mid afternoon and I went up stairs to get away from the crying kids and heat of the kitchen.

My cell phone beeped at me. Kim sent me a text. It said, "Hey girl. I need to get away, afternoon coffee?"

I called Kim; she picked up on the third ring and we made plans to meet at The Play Write Café. I grabbed a bag and shoved in some cookies and yelled to whoever could hear me that I was going for coffee and would be back in time for dinner.

A few minutes later I pulled up to the coffee shop and went inside. Kim wasn't there. I ordered a hot chocolate to go and walked it down to dad's shop along with the cookies I'd snagged from the house. 

The shop was buzzing with activity as everyone in town got their last minute roasts and turkeys for the big day. I dropped the drink and goodies in dad's back office and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

Danny mumbled a brief, "Hello," before his face turned red. I made him nervous. It was almost sweet. 

I went back to the café; finally Kim was walking to the door. "Bout time you got here." I admonished.

She hugged me, "Why? You getting' antsy waiting for me?" She wiggled her eyebrows. 

"Shut up. Whatcha want to drink?"

"Mocha, extra sweet stuff." Kim poked me in the ribs and I jumped. My face burned and I growled at her, "Go sit down."

She giggled at me and pranced off to a corner booth by the front window. I paid for our drinks and sat down across from her. "How's your day been?" I asked.

"Not too bad," She sipped the mocha and the whip cream stuck to her nose. "I've just been trying to do last minute stuff; you know how it is, and I needed to get my Adi fix."

The whip cream on her nose was distracting me. I couldn't concentrate on what she was saying. I reached up and wiped it off and licked my finger before I thought about what I was doing.

Kim stopped talking and stared at me. Shit. I realized what it must have looked like. I looked down, my ears and cheeks burned. 

"That was way hot," Kim said. She still hadn't moved. 

"Sorry, I didn't think; I just did it." 

"No. I know. I'm just saying," Kim sat back, completely in control of the conversation. 

"Can we just forget about it?"

"Only if you promise me one thing."

I groaned. God only knows what Kim had up her sleeve. "Promise me that you'll do that little move with Natalie when you go back to London."

"Kim!"

"Hey," Kim put up her hands, "I'm just telling you that it was sexy, and if I weren't already happily involved with Brett, I'd be all over that. Jesus, can you blush any more?"

"I doubt it. My face is on fire. Can we talk about something else?"

Mercifully, Kim changed subjects and we chatted about our new year's plans and what we had bought for our families for Christmas. I looked at my watch; two hours had passed. 

"I better get going."

"Yeah," Kim agreed, "I need to get to your dad's before he closes shop."

"What'd you need from my dad?"

"Oh, you know."

"Don't be dirty."

"I'm not; I just need some of his meat." 

"You're incorrigible." We walked down the block to dad's shop. The bell rang gently when we went in. Danny came in from the back with a cookie in his hand. He smiled at us. "You make the best cookies I've ever tasted, Adrianne. I can't believe Mr. Strum let me have any." He looked at me and then looked away. 

"Call me Adi." 

"Anyway, I'll let your dad know you're here." He smiled again and walked to the back. 

"Someone's got a crush," Kim sang. 

"Just what I need."

"Hey there Adi, Kim," Dad said as he came out of the cold room pulling big insulated gloves off his hands. 

"Hey dad; Kim here needs some stuff."

"What can I do for you Kimberly?"

"I need two fillets, cut thick."

"Coming right up. I've got the best beef I've seen in a long time. Got something special planned?"

"Just dinner for me and Brett. Nothing too fancy, just a new Christmas Eve tradition I'm trying to start."

"And why didn't I hear about this earlier?" I asked, acting hurt.

"Because we were talking about other things. And besides, my personal life is none of your business."

"Sure it is. That's what I'm here for," I assured her. Kim rolled her eyes and turned to Danny, who was clearing out the register.

"So Danny, what do you have going on for Christmas Eve? Got a girlfriend you need to rush off to?"

"Not this year." Danny barely looked up. "I'm just going to my parent's house to have a quite night with them."

"That's exciting enough," dad chimed in; he handed Kim the carefully wrapped fillets and began to wipe down the counter. "Your folks are fine people. We should get all get together for a barbecue after the holiday hubbub dies down and before Adi heads back to England."

"Sure Mr. Strum; that sounds real nice." Danny smiled at me again. God help me, I didn't need an admirer right now, especially not one that my parents approved of. 

"Well, we're off." I pushed Kim toward the door.




Falling Home Ch. 05



"Wait, I need to pay." Kim tried to return to the counter. I stepped aside.

Dad waved her off, "Don't worry about it. It's on the house for being such a good friend to my Adi." He winked at us and laughed loudly. 

"Thanks Mr. Strum. I'm sure I'll see you in a day or so. Have a merry Christmas."

"By dad, see you at home." Kim elbowed me. "Bye Danny, Merry Christmas, I'll see you later." Kim and I left the shop and walked to our cars.

"Seriously, what am I going to do?" I asked.

"Bout what?"

"Bout Danny."

"Don't do anything. He's obviously too shy to make a move so don't worry about it."

"But what if my parents get wind of his interest. I'll never hear the end of it."

We stopped by my car. "Let's just hope that doesn't happen." Kim hugged me. "But if it does. I got your back. I'm your anti-wingman." She walked backwards and waved to me. "Merry Christmas my love, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I waved back and got into my car. The book had slid out from under the seat. I picked it up and tossed it on the passenger seat and thought about the upcoming evening.

The grandparents would be over tonight. They always came over on Christmas Eve and we opened presents around the fire. It never seemed to matter that it was rarely colder than 40F, a fire was tradition and we sweated our way through.

By midnight, the grandparents were finally leaving. Grandmother Strum asked if I could come and pick her up and take her to church in the morning. I promised I would and hugged her before she hobbled down the path to her Crown Victoria. 

Mom, dad, Abigail, Tom, James, Ashlee and I stood on the porch waving; framed by the white lights on the columns we looked like a postcard family. When the lights faded, we turned and went our separate ways. I went to my room to check my email and then to bed. 

I had two new messages, both from Natalie. I opened the earliest first. 

Dear Adi,

I hope all is well. Christmas disappoints me so much. I really don't like this time of year. It's all bells and best wishes and gifts and love and I just feel like a grinch. I hope you are having a great time there and know that I'm coping here. Missing you is such an odd thing to say, but it's true. 

Fa, la, la, la, la...

Nat

P.S. The answer to the mistletoe question is pretty obvious, don't you think?

P.S.S. You aren't as far off as you imagine yourself to be in the grand scheme of my vaseology. 

That was odd. Immediately my mood dipped. I was worried about Natalie. I opened the second, more recent email.

Sorry about the rant earlier. I realized after I had calmed down that I sounded like a crazy person, I mean, who hates Christmas? I don't. Not really. I just wish I had people here to surround myself in for the holidays. Maybe these crazy short days are getting to me. I should move somewhere warmer, with more sunlight. Anyway, I just wanted to apologize and hope that I didn't put any dampers on your day. Have a very merry Christmas! I hope Santa brings you something nice.

Xoxo

Natalie

That one was a little better. I wondered what happened to make her day so bad. I hit reply.

Dearest Natalie,

Don't ever worry about sounding crazy, I truly believe that "the only people for me are the mad ones," and if you can tell me who said that, you get a special gift when I return to England in a few weeks. I admit that I was a bit worried about you when I read that first email. Is everything ok? Don't you have any plans for tomorrow? I think you should grab a few friends and treat yourself. You deserve it. No one should be alone on Christmas. Believe me, if I weren't here, I'd be there.

Ho Ho Ho,

Adi.

P.S. The Blue is the most plentiful substance on earth, green is land... At least tell me what is the next color.

I hit send and changed into sleeping clothes. Then I lay down and tried to sleep, and drifted off thinking about Natalie spending Christmas alone and what I'd do if I were there with her.



Falling Home Ch. 06



Chapter 6

It's surprising that I slept; usually Christmas Eve consists of me tossing and turning until I can justify waking everyone else up. But, this Christmas morning I slept in until 6am. Then I jumped in the shower and pottered about in my room.

I was putting on the last touches of makeup when I heard the first telltale sign that there was life in the house. James was squealing. He had gone into the living room and seen the presents that Abigail and Tom had placed, unwrapped, under the tree after he had gone to bed. Within moments I could hear the honking of the horn on the toy fire truck and the whole house seemed to come alive. 

Suddenly dishes were banging in the kitchen, carols were playing from the radio in the living room and Dad was whistling along to "Deck The Halls" from his room. I did a last minute check in the mirror, slid my phone in my pocket and went to join the hubbub. 

For the next two hours, the whole family sat around the living room, watching James open his presents and laugh delightedly. Then we opened our own gifts. 

Abigail and Tom gave me a magnificent first edition, signed copy of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and mom and dad gave me, among other things, a Daily Devotional Guide, "Because those English don't have enough religion."

Finally, Mom and I cleaned up the torn wrapping paper, or Christmas shrapnel, as mom calls it, while everyone else got ready for Church. After the place was reasonably clean enough for the rest of the family to come over for lunch, I went to my room to change. 

I was putting on the set of earings that Abigail had given me a few years back when there was a knock on my door. "Come in."

The door opened and dad stepped in. He looked good in his suit and tie. I was filled with a rush of love for him and smiled. "Hey pumpkin," he said. "Your mom and I got you a little something to show you how proud we are of you. We didn't want to put it under the tree" He pulled a ring box out of his pocket. 

Inside was a small silver ring with a ruby set amongst diamonds. It was beautiful. I took the ring out and slid it on my right ring finger. It didn't quite fit. I pulled it off and slid it on my pinky finger instead. I held my hand out and admired the ring; it sparkled in the sunlight streaming through my window. 

I smiled and hugged dad, thanking him profusely. "Well, I'm glad you like it. I need to round up the troops for church. You're picking up Grandmother Strum, right?"

"Yep, I'm leaving now." I grabbed my purse off the bed, pulled on my black jacket and headed to the car. 

It was freezing outside. I turned on my car and switched the heat settings to high; then high-tailed it back into the house. Mom was in the kitchen wiping counters and looked startled when I ran in. I said, "Geez, it's cold."

"It's supposed to be; it's Christmas." She smiled and wiggled her fingers at me, "Let me see that ring."

I held up my hand. She frowned. "It's on the wrong finger."

"I know, but it's too small for the others." She twisted my hand this way and that.

"Well, I thought it might be a little tight, but it was your great grandmother's and I couldn't bear to cut it and add pieces to make it bigger. It looks nice. Do you like it?" 

"I love it!" 

"Good," she dropped my hand and hugged me. "It was her engagement ring, you know."

I studied the ruby. "Aren't those supposed to be diamonds?"

"Traditionally, yes..." Mom was cut off by dad walking in the room. 

"But your great granny wasn't the most traditional of ladies. She didn't want the diamond."

Mom shook her head and hooked her thumb at dad, "That's what he says, but I bet it was just because rubies were cheaper than diamonds. Nothing says happily engaged like a single, empress cut, big, fat diamond. That's what every girl wants." 

"But, dear," dad was patronizing, "it's a ruby surrounded by diamonds." He looked at me, "No, she didn't give a lick for all that tradition. She was different."

"Those diamonds, Mr. Strum, were added in the years that followed."

"Says who?"

"Says the jeweler who cleaned it and appraised it for me last month."

"What does he know?" Dad winked at me. 

Now that my car was all toasty, I got in and got a gentle whiff of perfume off my coat. It smelled like Natalie. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. A knock on the window jarred me back to the present. Dad tapped on his watch; I nodded and put my car in drive. 

Within fifteen minutes I was at Grandmother Strum's house. I gave her a quick ring to let her know I was outside. While I was waiting I cleared off the passenger seat. Shit. The book was sitting right there. I hoped dad didn't notice. Grandmother was almost to the car; I didn't have much time to think about what to do with it. I shoved it under the passenger seat just in time to look like I was leaning over to open the door for her. Luckily she thanked me and never noticed.

I wished Grandmother a merry Christmas and pulled back onto the main road. She talked about previous Christmases and my late Granddad as I followed the familiar route to the First Baptist Church. I was waiting at the last red light when my phone buzzed. It was a message from Natalie. 

Merry Christmas. I hope your day is perfect.

I smiled and looked at the traffic light. It was still red; I hit reply. 

Thanks Nat. You too! I hope you get everything you wa...

I was still typing on my phone when Grandmother Strum yelled, "Adi!"

I looked up and was almost on top of the car in front of me. I slammed on the breaks and squeezed my cell phone, and the car jolted to a halt inches from the car in front of us. Grandmother's purse slid from beside her onto the floor. I dropped my phone in my purse as the light turned green and grandmother began to collect her things from the floor.

"Sorry, I was distracted."

"It's ok. Dang cell phones. You shouldn't play with it while in the car. And your mother wants to get me one. To think!"

She continued to dig around on the floor; then she sat up slowly. "Adrianne, What's this?"

She was holding the book. Shit.

"That?" I grabbed it from her and shoved it down between my seat and door. "Nothing."

"That's not nothing. That's blasphemous! Those gays are a sin against God! And to think! They have their own places and churches and it's not right!" Her voice was getting dangerously high.

"It's not mine Grandma!" I jumped in as soon as I could. "It's for Kim's boyfriend's sister. Kim picked it up yesterday and left it in my car after we went for coffee. It's no big deal."

Grandmother eyed me, measuring my lie. "Anyway, it's wrong. You should throw that away. No one needs that sort of stuff. That's what's wrong with this world. Too many of them gays. Not enough church. If I had it my way..." 

I had parked in the parking lot of the church. "They're still people grandmother," I said quietly. She stopped talking. "They still have families and values; they just love differently."

Grandmother put her hand over mine and her face softened for an instant. "Well, it's still wrong in the eyes of the Lord. But never mind that. It's Christmas, let's go in."

She opened the door and got out. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I had been holding in, and followed her into the church.

After church I had two messages from Natalie on my cell. Grandmother Strum gave me a warning look when I flipped the cell open and began to respond. "Don't worry, I'm not going to drive while typing again." I smiled reassurance. 

I wrote, "Sorry about the abrupt message. I'll tell you about it later. Hope your day is great!"

The rest of the afternoon passed in a breeze of food, family, tinsel and lights. I finally made my excuses and went up to my room around 11pm. Christmas is always so tiring. 

I dropped down onto my bed and booted up my laptop. I typed out a message to Natalie:

Hey,

Sorry about the phone messages today. I was with driving my grandmother to church and went to reply to your text and I got a bit distracted and almost rolled into the car in front of me. Grandmother yelled and I hit send. But it's fine. I didn't hit anyone and the rest of the day went smoothly. Except for grandmother pulling the book out from under the seat and giving me a lecture about the "sins of the gays." But luckily she soon forgot all about it. I really need to get that book out of my car. I bet it has better exposure there than it ever had on any bookstore shelf. Otherwise, the day was great. I'm exhausted from all the activity and am moments away from bed. How was your day? I hope it was wonderful.

-Adi

The next morning, I woke up early and went downstairs. No one was up yet and the family wasn't expected to begin arriving again until lunch time. I put a pot of coffee on and went to my car to get the book. 

I was looking at it while walking back inside when I saw movement in the window of the kitchen. Dad was up. I stuffed the book under the elastic waist of my shorts and pulled my sweat shirt down over it. I hesitated at the door before the freezing temperature sent me scurrying inside. 

Dad spun around and said, "Hey, what are you doing outside so early?"

"Uh...just looking for my cell phone; thought I must have left it in my car," I lied.

"Why didn't you just call it? And why do you need it so early? Expecting a call?"

"Not really, I just usually use it as an alarm and when I didn't see it this morning, I figured it must be in my car; so I went out to check."

"And?"

"And what?" I was fidgeting while dad poured himself a bowl of cereal.

"And was it in the car?"

"Nope." I needed to change the subject. "Is the coffee ready? I put it on before I went out, but good-ness, how long does brewing a pot take? You and mom really need to invest in a new coffee maker."

Dad looked hurt and patted the top of the coffee maker with affection. "I'll have you know that this beauty has been going strong every day for the past ten years. I can't just abandon her. Can I?" 

"I vote yes. Then I could have coffee waiting for me at a moment's notice."

"Well, never you mind. Go upstairs and get dressed and by the time you come back down you'll have a cup waiting on you."

That was close. I smiled and spun around to head back upstairs when the book wiggled itself loose from my waist band and slid down through my shorts and fell on the floor with a loud bang.

Dad spun around. I scooped the book up quickly and held it against my chest with my arms wrapped around it. 

"What in the world is that?"

"Nothing." I tried to look innocent. My face was getting red.

"That looks like a book. Planning on doing some reading today?"

"It's a gift that I forgot I had." What a twisted web we weave. "It's for mom." 

Dad looked like he wasn't going to believe me, but then he said, "Well, you better go wrap it up, she was right behind me. He hooked his thumb over his shoulder and I took the opportunity to make my escape. 

Back in my room I closed and locked the door. Leaning against it, I sighed. This book is much more trouble than it's worth. I shoved it between the mattress and box springs and went to take a shower. Great, now I had more shopping to do. 

I told dad I was going to meet Kim for a quick cup of coffee. Instead, I headed to the local chain bookstore. It was open. I said a quick prayer of thanks to the gods of consumerism and went in, purchasing a book for mom.

I swung through a coffee shop on the way home to make my coffee run look authentic and made it up to my room without being spotted. I quickly wrapped the book up and took it back downstairs. 

It was only 11:30am, but the rest of the family had already begun to arrive. There's nothing like leftovers to draw a crowd. While everyone was sitting around the living room, drinking coffee and idly watching TV, I snuck the book over to mom.

She opened it, read the brief inscription I wrote in the front of it and smiled up at me. I smiled back.

"Why now?"

"Cause I love you," I tried to look guilty, which wasn't hard. And, "I forgot that it was in my car yesterday."

"Is that the book from your car?" Dad chimed in.

"I should hope not!" Grandmother Strum had caught on.

"Not that book, Grandmother," I tried to placate her. "That one wasn't mine."

"Good, cause if it was, we would have to have an intervention."

Mom looked at Grandmother and then down at her book. It was Chicken Noodle Soup for the Mother's Soul. She looked confused. "What's wrong with this book?"

"Not a thing," Dad said. 

"Not a thing?!" Grandmother was alarmed. The rest of the family stopped watching TV and started to watch us. "No son of mine can think there's nothing wrong with that! Your father must be rolling in his grave."

"Wrong with what?" Mom and dad asked in tandem. 

This was not going well.

"Grandmother. It's a book for mom." I slowly explained. "Mom show her." Mom held the book up.

"I don't want to see it. It's blasphemous." Grandmother wouldn't even look at it.

"Mother, it's hardly good literature, but I doubt God has a problem with it." Dad said.

"What have you been listening to? Them liberal hippies? They're the reason this country is going to hell in a hand basket. Wanting them gays to be married and abortions and..."

"Grandmother. It's Chicken Noodle Soup for the Mother's Soul." I practically had to yell to get her to listen to me. 

"What?" She finally stopped her ranting and looked at the book. "I thought it was that gay book."

"No gays here," I tried to lighten the mood. 

"What gay book?" dad asked.

I took a deep drink of my coffee. It was cold by now, but choking on cold coffee was better than dealing with my family.

"That one in Adrianne's car." 

Thank you, grandmother Strum. 

All the eyes in the room turned to me. I rolled my eyes to make light of the situation. "I told her that it wasn't mine." 

"Then who's was it?" Mom asked.

"It's a gift that Kim left in my car." There. I hadn't completely lied.

"I know just about everyone in this town. Who's gay?" Dad felt his small town knowledge was being tried.

"She doesn't live here."

"Where does she live that puts up with that?"

"Atlanta." A chorus of "ahs" went up around the room.

This was getting too much. "And by that you mean being gay?" I asked.

"Yeah. That."

"That's just how some things work out. I doubt they asked to be gay."

"I told you, you shouldn't have sent her to England. Godless puppets," Grandmother Benson announced, indigently.

"It's not like we wanted her to go," mom said, desperate to appease her mother.

"But it's my choice!" I was practically yelling. "Look. I like England; I have gay friends; I like gay people; I like God; I like family, and I would like to drop it. For Christ's sake; it's the day after Christmas. It's a silly book that doesn't belong to me. Can't we just get back to normal conversations and agree to disagree?"

Mom, ever the hostess, stood and said, "Who wants lunch?"



Falling Home Ch. 07



Chapter 7

First thing the next morning I called Kim. She sounded groggy.

"Do you know what time it is?" She croaked.

"Yeah, it's time for you to get your sad little ass out of bed and go have coffee with me. No, don't argue, I'll pick you up. You got thirty minutes to get up and get ready."

Kim sounded concerned, "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'll tell you about it over coffee. It's on me."

"Then hurry up!" Kim chirped, suddenly perky over the prospect of free coffee.

Kim plopped down in the car and turned to me, "What's so important that you're taking me out for breakfast and coffee to talk about?"

I glanced over and narrowed my eyes, "Who said anything about breakfast?"

"Honey, you should know that the only reasons I get out of bed this early are sex and free food. And somehow I don't think you want a quicky. Unless..." Kim put her hand on my leg and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

I brushed her hand off.

"What?! Are you turning me down?" Kim feigned being hurt and put her hand to her chest.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're just not my type," I played along, enjoying the lighthearted banter.

"Why? Am I not dark haired and sexy enough?"

"It's not that..."

"Or is it cause my name's not Natalie?"

I pulled into a parking spot outside of Mrs. Winter's, shut the car off, leaned back against the seat and closed my eyes. When I spoke, it barely came out as a whisper, "That's just it. It's driving me crazy. I have never thought about someone so continuously before, and it questions everything I've ever been taught."

I kept my eyes closed. I felt her hand on mine. She said, "Adi, some things can't be taught. And others can be un-learned. What's happening with you?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly and shivered as the chill crept into the car. Kim noticed and opened her door.

"Let's get some food and coffee and sort things out."

We sat at a table by the window, watching the few people who dared to be out this early pass by, staying silent until the waitress brought out our coffee.

"So, what happened to change things over the last couple of days? Was your Christmas nice?"

"It was as nice as could be expected; apart from all the lectures I got."

"Lectures?" Kim looked confused, "about what?"

"About that damn book!" I filled Kim in on the events of the last few days, pausing just long enough for the waitress to drop off Kim's food and refill our mugs.

"Well, tell me this Adi, are you scared of what you're feeling?"

"Wouldn't you be?"

"Not really. I don't see anything wrong with love. But then again, I don't have your family to contend with."

"That's just it. I don't have a problem with it either, but I feel like I've got to make a decision between my family and upbringing and what my heart feels." I snorted. "No, screw what my heart feels," I looked down at my coffee and then up at the light fixture above the table - anywhere but at Kim. "She makes me hot. I've never reacted like that to anyone. Ever."

"And you don't know what that means," Kim finished for me.

"Yeah."

Kim sat back and thoughtfully fiddled with her coffee cup.

I tried to explain, "I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to give up my family for some thing I'm not sure isn't more than infatuation."

"That's it!" Kim put her mug down a bit too hard and the waitress shot her a look. "I've got a plan. Here's what we're going to do."

I sat back and listened to her scheme and by the time I dropped her back at her place, I had reluctantly agreed to go along.

God help me.

Dear Natalie,

I know I've been a bit hard to get a hold of for the past few days, but I've been traveling and sorting out some stuff. What do you have planned for New Years? A huge party, I hope. Kim has some crazy idea planned for us. I don't know why I agreed to trust her and let her set the whole thing up. It's not that I don't trust her, it's more that she's a whole lot more liberal than I'll ever be and she wants to loosen me up. Anyway, we're off to the big city in a little bit; she bought us tickets to a costume ball. And, to top it off, I agreed to let her dress me. Think me, in slutty princess attire. I seriously don't know why I listen to her sometimes. Anyway, It's going to take me a while to get in the mood, so I've gotta go. I hope your New Year's Eve is wonderful.

Think of me at midnight.

Xo,

Adi

I sent the email, shut off my computer, and sighed. I had spent the last several days in the haze of helping dad in the shop, avoiding Danny and sneaking up to my room at night to read the book that Kim had bought me. And, when I wasn't doing those things, Kim was dragging me along to store after store to look for the perfect outfit for the masked New Year's Eve party she had planned.

It was finally New Years Eve. Downstairs, dad shook his head and said, "I don't like it Adi, I don't like you going out on New Years Eve. And to Atlanta? It's not safe."

"It's perfectly safe. I'm going with Kim to a private party. It's not like we're going to be prowling the bars of the underground. Don't worry so much. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon-ish." I walked into the kitchen.

"Do you have your cell phone?" Mom called out.

"Of course."

"Do you have enough cash? In case, you know, you need a cab or something."

"I have about thirty dollars."

Dad pulled his wallet out and flipped through it, sliding three twenties out and holding them toward me. "Just in case you need it," he held on to the bills when I reached for them. I met his gaze. "Be careful, and remember, you can call your mother or I at any time and for any reason."

"I know dad, thanks. I love y'all, but Kim's waiting on me."

"Good, I'll walk you out," Mom said and looped her arm through mine.

"Where are you headed?" I asked.

"I'm going down to the shop to get another turkey for tomorrow night. If I don't get it tonight then I won't be able to get it in the oven in time to cook for dinner."

"Do you have to do that tonight?" Dad asked.

"I don't like to procrastinate. Give me the keys to the shop and I'll be home in a jiffy."

Dad fished the keys out of his pocket and tossed them to her. She and I walked her to her car.

"Get a good one," I said.

"Huh?"

She was distracted.

"I said, get a good one. Turkey. You know, dinner."

"Yeah, you bet." She smiled and got into her car. She began to back out of the drive when she stopped and rolled down the window. "Don't forget that you and your dad are supposed to go out to lunch tomorrow. I'm going to swing by the store and keep shop while you go have some bonding time. Say 12:30pm?"

I agreed and waved.

"'Bout time you got here. You bring the heels we picked out?" Kim flipped her cell shut and tossed it on the counter when I walked into her apartment. I held up the black heels, waved hello to Brett and Toby and followed Kim into the bedroom.

"Though, I don't know why you want me to wear these. They certainly don't go with the dress."

Kim pulled the dress she had picked out for me out of her closet. "That's the point. This dress is hot, but let one person get a peep of those killer shoes, and they'll be crawling all over you."

"I'm not sure I want people crawling all over me." Kim hung the dress up on the door while I examined the shoes. I had bought them on a whim a year ago. Black, with a few straps over my toes and a black tie, just below my ankles, they sat on a black, slight platform with their imposing 4 1/2 inch heels. I'd never worn them and looking at them now made me wonder what the hell I was getting myself into.

I looked up to see Kim smirking at me with her arms crossed. "Come on, let's get you dressed so we can get your makeup done."

"Shouldn't we do hair first?"

"Either way. Fine, let's do that first. Sit here." She indicated a stool in front of her vanity.

After she'd put all of my hair in curlers, Kim perched on the edge of her vanity and handed me a cotton ball doused in cleanser. "Wash up."

I lifted my eyebrow. "I need a clean slate to work with. Geez, you can be so difficult." I did as she instructed and closed my eyes and let her do her best, or worst.

Fifteen minutes later, Kim blew a puff of air on my eyelids and announced that she was a genius. I opened my eyes and, for once, I had to agree. I hardly recognized myself. My skin looked flawless and my eyes were surrounded by dark chocolates and shimmering golds. My blue eyes stood out brilliantly. I reached up to touch my face. Kim stopped me.

"Don't go screwing up all my hard work. No touching."

"Wow, Kim. You're amazing."

"I know." She turned her attention to her own makeup, which was headed towards heavy eyeliner and understated highlights. "Now go get that dress on, and be careful not to get makeup all over it."

I grabbed the dress and went to the bathroom with my strapless bra and thong. Carefully, I pulled the dress on. We had picked it up at a costume store in Atlanta. It was a dress modeled after the early French Renaissance style: floor length, dark chocolate with slight cream lace around a very low cut, squareish neckline. The gold and cream embroidery enhanced the corset section beautifully.

And, once I pulled it on and managed to zip myself into it, I could see why Kim chose it. The collar was higher around the back of my neck and the accents around my chest were a blue that almost matched my eyes.

I walked back out of the bathroom and Kim froze. She whistled slowly. "I think you were born in the wrong era. You look hot."

I blushed and curtseyed. "Why thank you m' lady."

"I'm no lady tonight." I noticed what Kim was wearing. She had on a man's black tuxedo pants and a crisp, white tuxedo shirt that hung open just enough to reveal a black bra.

Kim stood and said, "Tonight, I'm your date."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Kim demanded.

"If you couldn't get me one way, you had to get me another." I kept laughing and Kim mumbled, "turn around."

I did so and abruptly stopped laughing when she yanked the strings of my corset tight. "We'll see who's happy I'm her date when she's fighting off everyone that's going to want to get in her pants tonight."

"No, no. I appreciate it; and I'm not wearing pants." I was giggling again. She yanked harder.

"Stop your laughing and be still." I did. "Ok, when I loosen this a bit I want you to lift your boobs up as high as you can without your nipples hanging out."

"What? You can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm serious. Here we go."

I shook my head and lifted my boobs while she pulled the corset tight, effectively lifting them into place.

"All done." I turned around. "Nice," she said.

I rolled my eyes at her and looked at my reflection. "You're right; it's like having a boob job in an outfit. Too bad I can't breathe."

Kim buttoned up her shirt and was pulling on her shiny, black shoes. "Haven't you ever been told that breathing's over rated?"

"Jesus Christ; I hope so." I gasped as I tried to sit down.

Twenty minutes later Kim had pulled my hair out of the rollers and clipped half of it up elaborately. She had her tux jacket on. To help her look the part, she had slicked her dark hair back into a low, tight pony tail and had a sharp looking top hat.

We walked into her living room where her boyfriend sat on the couch watching TV with Toby.

"Do not pass go; do not collect 200 dollars. Where's your monocle babe?" he asked and then burst out laughing.

"It's in my other pants." Kim tossed him her camera.

"Here, take a couple of photos of us."

We took tons of photos, both serious and goofy. Then I told Kim to give Brett his Midnight kiss since she wouldn't be there to do it later. She tilted back her top hat and kissed Brett. I snapped a photo.

"What the hell was that?" Brett asked.

"Oh, just a little future blackmail." I smiled innocently and grabbed my jacket, walking toward the door.

"What, with a photo of me kissing my girlfriend?" Brett laughed.

I looked at the camera. "Oh, I don't know Brett. Your girlfriend makes a pretty convincing guy." His face dropped and he made to jump up after me. Kim pulled him back down and straddled him.

"Don't worry. I'll let you undress me tonight and believe me, I'm all woman under here."

"I'll get you Adi. Just you wait." Brett called good naturedly, as the door shut behind us.

An hour later, we pulled into a parking spot outside a bar near Piedmont Park called Blake's. Kim shut off the car and put her hand on my arm. "Before we go in, I'll warn you, this is a gay bar and you look hot. Girls are going to hit on you left and right. Are you ok with that?"

"I think so;" I wasn't really sure. "Hey you're my date aren't you? So if I want to be left alone I can grab you and you'll be my girlfriend, right?"

"Only if you do the same for me. Now, here's your mask. Be careful not to touch your makeup."

She handed me an elaborate eye mask held on one side by a thin black stick. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

We approached the door and bypassed the line of people waiting to get in. Kim held out her tickets to the bouncer who was dressed in all black leather and had a shaved head. I thought it was a guy until she smiled. As she took the tickets, stuck wrist bands on us, and opened the velvet rope, her face lost the hard edge and became wholly feminine.

Kim broke my train of thought when she whispered in my ear, "See, everyone thinks you're hot."

"No, that was your ass she was looking at."

Kim smirked; she yelled over the bass and led us towards the bar in the middle of the main room. "Let's get a drink."

With the tickets, we were given three free drinks each and access to the VIP area. I wasn't quite sure what the VIP area entailed, but I noticed a sign for it as Kim ordered me my usual glass of red.

"What if I'd wanted whiskey?" I asked her.

"Then you'd be out of luck; ladies dressed like you don't down the hard stuff."

I sneered and shook my head. I followed Kim as she led us through the crowd towards the VIP area.

The VIP section was up a set of stairs and overlooked the dance floor. Another androgynous bouncer checked our wrist bands. On the landing was another small dancing area with ladies, in small leather shorts and bras, dancing on two poles set up by the railing.

The music was thumping and Kim motioned for me to follow her into the room beyond the dance floor. We stepped through the heavy wooden doors. Inside it was immediately quieter. Soft jazz was playing over the hidden speakers and a bar was set up on the far wall. There were a few worn black sofas pushed against the walls and three or four tables around the center.

Along the wall next to the bar were several black curtains that hung from the ceiling and draped to the floor. From around the curtains, soft reddish lights glowed. Kim and I found a seat at an empty table.

"What's that?" I asked.

"What?"

I nodded toward the four curtains on the wall. Kim smiled, "What do you think?"

"Storage."

"You really need to get out more." She laughed at me and sipped her drink. She looked around at a couple of girls doing some heavy petting on a sofa. They stood up and moved toward the bar. "Watch them," Kim instructed.

The couple made several more stops to grope and kiss each other before they made it to the bar. When they finally got there, the blond with the black dress leaned up and over the bar, called the bar tender, and crooked her finger at the curtained area.

The blond whispered into the bar tender's ear and nodded at her companion. Both girls showed their gold VIP bracelets and the bar tender smiled and nodded toward the third curtain.

The girl on the floor grabbed the blond and pulled her off the bar and ushered her behind the curtain. I caught a glimpse while they went in. It looked like a small room with just a chaise lounge and a couple of mirrors.

"What's the big deal? They want some privacy." I stated casually, trying to rile Kim.

Kim looked at me like I was an idiot. "Seriously Adi? Did they look like they were too concerned with privacy?" She sighed exaggeratedly, "Anyway, I'm going to go mingle. If you need me, you can call me. My cell's on vibrate and it's in my pocket, so I'll look forward to your call." She wiggled her eyebrows.

"You're incorrigible." I shook my head at her. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, be yourself? No, scratch that. Be someone else for a night. You're here, you're effectively in disguise. You won't see anyone you know and if you need me, I'm there. Now go do to someone whatever it was that Natalie did to you."

I blushed and got up from the table. She had a point. I was here; I looked hot; and I wasn't going to see anyone I knew; why not have a bit of fun, starting right now. I downed the rest of my wine and leaned toward Kim, putting my hand on her cheek. "Thanks love," I said and then kissed her cheek and looked her in the eye until she blushed. "Gotcha," I smiled and walked out the door and back into the thumping music.

I eased my way past the pole dancers, taking my time to eye them up and down from behind my mask. Then I gracefully descended the stairs. I won't lie; I felt like a queen coming down to her court. Maybe it was the dress, maybe it was the freedom that the dress represented, either way, I felt invincible.

I walked to the bar, making sure I swung my hips and when I needed to get around someone I grabbed them around the waist and whispered, "Excuse me," into their ear.

I felt good. At the bar, a butch dressed in leather gear stood up and offered me her stool; I declined. I was still having trouble breathing in my corset when I wasn't standing. I leaned against the bar and the butch girl looked at me and asked, "What can I get ya?"

I pursed my lips and thought about it. "I should be asking you the same thing." I said and smiled, turning to catch the bar tender's eye.

The bar man who came over to me was a small, trim guy in his mid twenties. He had his ears pierced up and down and his hair was dyed a bright pink. He walked up to me and made no attempt to hide checking me out, then he smirked. I could feel my face getting red and was about to blurt out what I wanted to drink, when his eyebrow shot up. He held up a finger, spun on his heel and walked to the far end of the bar to a cute brunette who looked like she was more at home on a cheerleading squad than behind the bar at a gay club.

The bar boy grabbed the girl by the waist when she tried to wave him off,; he forcefully turned her to face me and the butch on my right. I was staring at her and was caught red handed.

I couldn't help it; even with my outfit and mask, I felt exposed. I quickly dropped my eyes down to the bar top and then focused on what the butch had been saying to me.

"...party, dontcha think?"

"What?" I asked. She looked miffed. "I can't hear over the music," I yelled into her ear.

"You wanna get out of here? Go somewhere we can talk?" She asked me.

I hesitated just long enough to wait for her to meet my eye. She was eyeing my chest in the dress. And, as nice a job as the corset did to make the most of my smallish boobs, I didn't appreciate her ogling me.

The bar tender interrupted.

"What can I do for you?" She asked in an accent that told me she was far from home. The hairs on my neck stood up and I turned toward her and smiled.

"I'd like a glass of red wine, please."

"I thought we were leaving?" the Butch whined. Nothing is less attractive than a butch dressed in leather, whining.

"No, I've got a friend upstairs that I can't leave without." The butch pouted and the bar tender stood by watching us. "No, you go ahead. I'm going to be here a while."

The butch took offense and walked away, hiking up her chaps in the back as she strode across the bar, getting lost in the growing crowd.




Falling Home Ch. 07



"You couldn't have come at a better time," I told the bartender.

"It's why I like bartending; always coming at the right moment," she smirked at my now glowingly red face and mercifully turned away to pour my wine.

She sat the wine in front of me and said, "Give me your hand."

"What?"

"Your hand; I have to mark off the drinks. You may be a VIP, but Blake's is strict on the three free drink rule." I put my hand on hers and she pulled a marker from around a string on her neck and made and "x" on my gold wrist band.

"You got two more to go; enjoy." She winked at me and whirled off to serve another customer.

I picked up my wine and left the bar, sipping as I walked around the perimeter of the main dance floor, passing by booths full of women and a few men in various degrees of costume. I took my time walking, eyeing whoever caught my fancy and soon I found myself near the restrooms. My wine glass was almost empty and I figured there was no time like the present to try figure out how Renaissance women would have used a modern toilet in their elaborate dresses.

I won't go into details, but fifteen minutes later I emerged from the restroom feeling refreshed, mainly because my corset had to be loosened and I didn't tie it back as tightly.

I picked my way back around the dance floor, contemplating going and having my third drink, when a set of hands grabbed me around the waist and pulled me backwards down into a booth.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?" I spat and tried to turn around to face the shameless person who grabbed me.

"That's no way for a lady to talk."

I should have known; it was Kim.

"I swear! You're going to give me a heart attack." I relaxed and sat back against the smooth leather of the booth.

"How's it going? Gotten any action yet?" Kim asked.

I ignored her question; instead I asked, "Since you're here, would you come with me and re-tie my corset?"

"Been letting someone into your knickers?" she asked in her best Irish accent.

"Good one, ass. For your information, I had to use the restroom and it's humanly impossible to go with this thing tight, and I live in England, not Ireland; so your lucky charm accent is lost on me." I turned my attention to the people she was sharing a booth with.

A flamboyantly gay boy with jeweled feathers appliquéd to his face around elaborately made up eyes and lips said, "I'm Alphonso, but my friends call me Alfie; we'll see what you can call me." He smiled coyly and I shook his proffered hand.

"Good job Kimberly, why didn't you tell us that you finally got rid of Bret and saw the light, and with such a scrumptious little dish."

"Because she's shy," Kim said and leaned over to roughly kiss me on the cheek. I could smell the liquor on her breath.

I waved my hand in front of my nose and turned to her companions. "She hasn't introduced me because she's known me so long that she thinks I know everyone she does."

"True story," Kim chimed in.

"I'm Adriane, but everyone calls me Adi."

"Well you know I'm Alfie, but this is Kendra. We work with Kim."

"More like we get together with Kim on Wednesdays for lunch and for drinks on Fridays," Kendra said.

I finally looked at Kendra. She had the most amazing black skin; she seemed to glow blue in the dark lights of the bar. She had on fire engine red lipstick and blue eye shadow that complimented her red dress.

"What's your costume?" I asked her.

"Dirty whore," Alfie answered for her.

"I'll show you a dirty whore, you cheap queen!" Kendra retaliated by grabbing Alfie's pink cocktail and downing it.

"Now look what you've done, I've only got one more free drink before I have to start paying for them."

"There's a hottie at the bar that I'll bet's willing to comp you a few if you play your cards right," I told him.

"Girl, that boy with the hair pinker than my ass? I've already checking that shit. Nothing to it."

"Aww. Alfie struck out," Kim joined in.

I turned to Kim. "Hey, will you tighten my corset?"

"Sure love, turn around."

I turned my back to Kim and looked towards the bar. The brunette bartender was wiping down the bar before serving the next customer. She looked up at me and I caught her gaze. She smiled before someone stepped into our line of sight and ordered a drink. I realized that Kim was talking to me.

"You gotta hold them up for me to tighten it."

"What?" I asked, desperately trying to remember what she had said.

"Hold up your tits," Alfie said.

"She was too busy making eyes at that hottie at the bar," Kendra said, "Not that I blame you; if I were single, I'd hit that."

"Your tits." Kim repeated.

I complied and lifted my boobs into place once again and happened to look up, the bar tender was watching me. I quickly took my hands off my boobs and found the floor lighting suddenly very interesting

"Seriously, Adi, if you don't hold them in place while I tighten this thing, it's not going to work."

"Go 'head; no one cares if you're grabbing yourself," Kendra encouraged me. She noticed my gaze flitting back to the bar. "Especially not her, why don't you give her a show?"

"I...," I tried to think of something intelligent to say; I had nothing. I sighed and held my lifted breasts in place while trying not to raise my eyes off the floor.

"Who's on rounds?" Kendra asked.

"Definitely Kim," Alfie said.

"What? I got the last one," Kim said, "Besides, I already have 2 X's on my band. I think it's Adi's turn."

"My turn?"

"You know," Alfie smiled, "Now's as good a time as ever to get in with Kim's friends."

"Your it," Kendra said.

"It'll give you a chance to hit on that hot bartender." Kim nudged me in the ribs and lowered her voice, "No time like the present Adi."

I wasn't convinced. Kendra and Alfie didn't care. They rattled off their drink orders and looked at me expectantly. I didn't move. Kim rolled her eyes and dramatically pulled out ten dollars from her pocket and said, "Fine," with an exasperated sigh.

I took the money and made my way across the floor to the bar. I didn't really want Kim and her friends to see me bumble like the awkward idiot I was, so I moved as far from their line of sight as I could.

The pink haired bartender looked at me and once again turned away just as I was opening my mouth to speak.

"Don't worry; he's done that to me a couple of times. I've been here for ten minutes waiting for a damn cider," said a large guy with a mustache and sunglasses, and then he smiled. I couldn't tell if the mustache was real or not, but his infatuation with gyms and sleeveless shirts was obvious.

"Ten minutes. That's crazy. Why didn't you go to the other bar?"

"Cause then I wouldn't get to watch a certain pink haired boy pull my pint."

"You're not getting to watch him pull your pint here either, from the looks of it."

"No, but I get to watch him do a lot of serving, and until my buzz wears off, that's fine with me." He grinned like a schoolboy.

The brunette walked up to us and smiled at me. "Hey, what can I get you? Wine again?"

"Well, if it's not too much to ask, can you get him," I pointed at the bartender with pink hair, "and have him pour this guy a pint of..." I paused and looked to the guy for an answer.

"A cider," he chimed in.

The bar tender smiled at me and said, "Sure thing," before turning away.

"What's your name anyway?" My new companion asked me.

"Adrianne; Adi."

"Well, thanks for that."

The guy with pink hair walked up as I was saying my name, closely followed by the brunette. While the pink haired guy pulled the cider, the brunette served customers around me.

The cider was sat on the bar top with a wink. The big guy smiled bigger than ever and pulled a twenty from his pocket. "I'll take this, and whatever she wants."

"I can't let you do that." I pushed his hand away, "I'm ordering for four."

He pulled out another ten and slapped it on top of the twenty. "Well this should cover whatever you want. Thank you my dear; have a lovely night." And like that, the big guy in sunglasses faded into the crowd.

I turned back to the bar and looked idly at the money. The cute bartender had watched the exchange and slid the money over to my hand. I looked up, "I'm not entirely sure what just happened."

"Well, you got his drink, so he's buying rounds for you. What do your friends, girlfriend, want?" She was fishing, and I took the bait without realizing it.

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah, the girl that was lacing you up." She smirked and quickly mopped up a beer that was sloshed on the bar.

"Her?" I said incredulously. "That's just Kim. We've been friends since we could walk."

She continued to clean the mess and glance at me. I realized that admitting knowing Kim since we were toddlers wasn't really an answer and I tried again. "Besides, I don't think her fiancé would really appreciate it if we hooked up."

"Oh I don't know, I bet the two of you would put on quite a show."

Then, mercifully, she changed the subject. "So Adrianne, what can I get you and your friends?"

"Wait, how did you know..." she cut me off.

"I was standing right here when you told the mustache guy."

"Right," I blushed some more. I counted off the drinks on my fingers as I ordered, "I would like a Multiple Screaming Orgasm, a scotch on the rocks, a Slow Screw, a glass of red and a cup of water; please." As I ordered, her smile grew in intensity to match my red cheeks. Damn.

She leaned against the bar and spoke slowly, "So, let me get this right, you want a slow screw, followed by a multiple screaming orgasm, a glass of wine, scotch on the rocks and water?"

"Yup," I squeaked.

She stood back up, smiling, obviously proud at how uncomfortable she was making me. "Coming right up."

I stood by and watched her mix the drinks. She was elegantly built and sure with her movements. Within minutes I had five glasses lined up in front of me. "That'll be $21.50. Let me get you a tray."

I paid her out of the guy's money and waited while she put them on a tray. "The bar's not too busy right now; I'll carry them for you."

"You don't have to do that," I protested.

"No, but I want to."

I conceded and she came around the front of the bar and handed me my wine. "After you."

I led her back through the crowd to my table and where I could see Alfie kick Kim under the table to get her attention. I stood by while the brunette sat the tray down. "I'm guessing," she pondered the group, "That you have the screaming orgasm; yours is the slow screw and you look like a scotch girl." She handed the drinks to Alfie, Kim and Kendra in turn.

Kendra was the first to speak. "Well we weren't expecting table service, but I'm happy to tip you, er..." Kendra waited for a name, and I looked at the bartender expectantly.

"It's Shea, and I don't need a tip. It's my pleasure." With that she turned and touched my arm slightly with her hand as she passed me by. I watched her go.

"She's a hottie." Kim said.

"Nice, I like good service," Alfie said.

I ignored their comments and sat down with my wine. I was still holding the change from the thirty in my hand and sat it down on the table unceremoniously.

"That must have been some service you gave her, if all those drinks, and extra help only cost you a dollar fifty," Kendra raised her eyebrow at me.

"Do I need to find another way home?" Kim teased.

"No, get your mind out of the gutter." I told them about the man and the money.

"And you didn't tip her?" Kendra asked.

"I didn't think about it."

"Well, you can tip her all you want later. She likes you," Alfie sipped his cocktail.

"You should have tipped her. Nothing says love like cold, hard cash," Kendra was adamant.

Kim, who had been swirling her drink, stuck up for me, "I happen to know that Adi is one of the best tippers I've ever known." Kendra huffed. "Really," Kim began to smile, "and I don't think there is anything that Adi would rather do than march right back up there and give her the rest of this money as a proper tip."

"I do?" I hoped I was hearing things.

"You do," Kim was decisive and put the money into my hand and closed my fingers around it. She whispered into my ear. "Be brave, tonight's about doing things you wouldn't normally do."

I sighed and stood up. Alfie clapped; he was well on his way to being drunk. I walked back toward the bar and glanced back to see Kim watching me; she nodded in reassurance and I took a deep breath and carried on.

I went back to the corner of the bar out of sight of our table and waited my turn to get to the front. Shea spotted me and looked slightly confused. "What's wrong hun?"

"What? Nothing. I just..." and I froze.

She saved me by picking up the conversation after only a brief second. "You looked really worried. Are your friends giving you a hard time cause I carried the drinks for you?"

I shook my head, and found my tongue, "No, I'm just awkward and I wanted to give you this." I held out the $8.50 and she looked at it and smiled sweetly.

"Tell you what, you save that," she counted the money in my hand, "$8.50, and keep it to buy me a drink tomorrow. How's that sound?"

"Um, good."

She took a one dollar bill out of my hand and pulled the marker from her neck and wrote her number on it. "How "bout you call me tomorrow when you get up and we'll sort everything out."

I nodded dumbly in reply.

"You're cute when you blush," she said as she put the dollar back in my hand and folded her hands around mine. I smiled; she released my hand and got back to work.

I returned to the table and sat down.

"Well?" Alfie asked.

"It went well," I said and nonchalantly stuffed money back into my little purse. Kim caught my eye and gave me the 'We'll talk about this later' look. I smiled, grateful that she was willing to let it drop for the time being.

The rest of the night passed in a blurring progression of wine to cocktails to shots of Sambuca, punctuated by, what I thought were coy glances at Shea. At some point Kim switched to water and managed to get us both home and re-hydrated with multiple bottles of water before allowing me to fall asleep on the sofa with Toby by my side. 



Falling Home



Thinking back to the comments about my home I asked, "Is that really the way that we're perceived over here?" 

"Only by people that have a vague knowledge of the history of the different regions of America," she said, "Most people know New York and California and little else." 

"And you've read up on America?" 

"Enough to know the basic stereotypes. But it's not a big deal, I'm sure you think we're all tea drinking antique collectors," she smiled and sipped her drink.

"Hmmm, you do have a lot of BBC antique shows." 

"Doesn't matter; I'd rather take each person individually. I think that's the safest route," she said.

"So, Natalie," I began. I realized that I knew nothing about her beyond her first name and age. "What's your last name?"

"Kind of an odd question."

"It's a starting place."

"Brayton," she said.

"Natalie Brayton." I repeated and paused to sip my steaming coffee. It was good, strong stuff. "This is good," I motioned to the coffee. She smiled thoughtfully but said nothing.

"What do you do? Besides meeting people at bars and taking them out for coffee?" I asked.

"I'm a graphic designer. I work for a design firm over on Kensington. We mainly do layouts for magazines that don't have enough circulation to employ in house designers."

"Interesting." 

"What?" 

"You just don't look like any of the graphic designers I know."

"Why's that?" she asked, tilting her head and smiling. 

"You're too well dressed for starters. The designers I know are grown up emo kids who kept the piercings and the attitude."

"How'd you know that's not me?" she teased.

"You're more polished than that." I allowed my eyes to glance over what I could see of her frame.

"And, do you like polished? Because I have a friend that can loan me some checkered Converse shoes..." 

I laughed. "No, don't bother with the shoes. I think you look good, besides, heels are hot." 

"I'll keep that in mind," she set her coffee cup on the table and continued, "So Adrianne, what's your last name, your reason for coming to England-- don't say school-- and what's your favorite food?"

"Strum; I needed to get out of the states, and anything Italian."

"Good to know."

"Why's that?" 

"Future reference." 

The conversation lulled into a comfortable silence as we sipped our coffees. 

"Look," I said holding out my hand. 

"What?" 

"I'm not shaking." I looked down at my hand and silently thanked the girl from the bathroom for her advice.

"Why were you shaking?" 

"Because every time you and I ran into each other, which I'm beginning to believe was not random at all, you left before I could figure out what happened. And, every time we touched I became a nervous wreck," I admitted quickly, and moved my hand to my lap.

Natalie regarded me for a moment and let out a breath, "Truth is, you did the same to me. I'm usually witty and charming and flirt with the best of them, but you didn't seem to go for any of that so I had to figure out another way to get your attention." 

"How'd you know that I wanted your attention at all?" 

"I didn't," she admitted. "I was telling you how you confuse the butches, but you also confused me. I was trying to figure out what to say to you when I saw you in the room with the orange haired girl pulling on your arm." She shrugged.

"But you didn't have to come over to me."

"Oh, but I did," she laughed, "You had that 'dear in headlights' look."

"Well, thank you again. You said I confused you, but you could obviously see right through me. You're right about my clothes and why I was there, you know."

"Every once in a while I get lucky," she smiled and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

I laughed and told her, "I wasn't lying when I said I wasn't there to get laid."

"And you should know that I respect that, but we're not there anymore."

"Good, we can both agree that I'm confusing and not layable anywhere." 

We both laughed for a moment before she said, "You know, I really am enjoying myself."
"Me too."

"I'd love to take you out sometime," she began to fidget in her seat, just enough that I noticed. I was making her nervous again.

"Why do I always do that?" I asked out loud, although mostly to myself.

"Do what?" 

"I'm making you nervous."

She blushed and looked away from me. "Is it that obvious?"

"To me it is, but that's only because it tends to be the reaction people have to me," I shrugged; "I don't know why."

"Because I want you to say yes."

"You know I don't live in London," I said quietly, looking down into my cup.

"I know, but I'm willing to travel."

"I do come to London occasionally to spend a day in the library." 

She smiled and said, "Then you must let me know when you'll be back." 

"If you give me your number I'll give you a ring."

I pulled out my phone and we exchanged numbers.

"So," Natalie began to trace patterns on the table top with her fingers, "What do you do in your free time, Adrianne?"

"Call me Adi."

"Okay Adi," she started again, "I don't think you're the 'let's go out and get pissed' type, so what do you do for fun?"

I shrugged, "I do a lot of nothing. I read. I write. I go to the theatre, I travel, I play tennis. I shop. I'm not very exciting, really."

"Get a few drinks in you and get you up on a table top and you'll be exciting enough," she joked.

"Oh no," I said, "table dancing, stripping, and singing in the rain are rare occasions for me, and you're right again; bars aren't really my scene." I looked around at the cozy shop. "I feel more comfortable here than at any bar I've been to."

"That's fine with me; I don't want you stripping, for anyone else anyway."
"Getting possessive aren't we?" 

"No, just letting you know where I stand."

"I think I knew when you first asked me why I ordered water."

"Well, you could've made it a bit easier on me. Then I wouldn't have had to keep running into you as I figured out my next move."
"Come now," I joked, "the chase is part of the fun."
"No, the chase is only a warm up."

She was about to say something else, when the cashier came up to our table and said, "Sorry ladies, we're closing in a few."
Natalie and I looked at each other and got up. We tossed our empty cups in the bin on the way out. Once we were outside I wrapped my jacket tighter around me and asked, "What time is it anyway?"

Natalie pulled out her cell and said, "2:25."
"Hmm," I mumbled.

"What?" She asked.

"Time flies. So, now what?" 

"We could go back to my place," she suggested as she blew out a heavy breath into her hands and turned away from me; I'm sure she didn't want to see my reaction.

I realized that she wasn't wearing a jacket and I hurriedly removed mine and stepped up to her, placing it over her shoulders. She instinctively reached up and put both her hands on the collar and spun to face me before I had the chance to drop my hands again. 

"I'm not going to let you freeze to death," she said, trying to shrug off the jacket.

I kept my hands on her shoulders to keep it in place. "If you drop my new jacket in the street because you're being stubborn, you're going to pay."

"Oh really?" she smiled, and made a move to remove the coat.

I slid my hands down to cover hers and said, "Yes, really."

I let my hands slide the rest of the way off.

"If you won't let me freeze, then how am I going to get back to my flat, and get your jacket back to you?" she asked innocently.

"Did you plan this entire evening?" I asked, arching one eyebrow and crossing my arms.

"No, but it couldn't have turned out better if I had."

I looked up the street. I wasn't ready to go home with anyone that night, or any other. While I was considering the virtues of letting her keep my jacket and picking it up on my return to London, Natalie said, "If it makes you feel better, I have a rather large sofa."

I had to smile at her thoughtfulness. "No, it's not that," I began. I was lying. "Okay, it is that," I admitted. I felt that suddenly I needed to explain myself and started again, "I, Uh..."

"Don't worry about it; you could always come pick the jacket up later if you're really that uncomfortable."

She looked so sincere standing on the street blowing puffs of cold air; in my jacket. I summoned all the courage I had and said, "No, I'll go with you."

"I was hoping you would," she said and I fell into step beside her.

"Besides," I said, "My mom would be really disappointed if she didn't get to see the expensive jacket she just bought me."

Natalie bumped into me playfully and I grabbed her arm and linked it with my own. She stuffed her hands down in the pockets and we walked in silence till the end of the street.