2 comments/ 4920 views/ 2 favorites Excellence In Loving You Ch. 01 By: NikkiTrakz Someone warned her that this Doctor runs way behind but she scheduled and appointment with him anyway. There she is in the waiting room trying to muster up the courage to redirect her thoughts to something more positive rather than continue on with the angry rant she has going on in her head: "My fucking time is just as valuable as yours is, I may not have a college education but I have been well versed in common fucking courtesy!" The ranting may have stopped but the toe tapping and eye rolling have just begun. She has been waiting for about fifteen minutes and is just about to leave. Before she can make it to the door she hears a gentle voice say: "Chayne, you're up next!" She turns around and plasters a fake smile on her face. "Dr. Blaze, so nice to see you!" As she enters his office she observes the mini Apple store docked on his desk. iMac, iPad, iPod, iHome and of course the all American staple an iPhone. The couch is leather and cold on her naked legs. She always insists on wearing revealing clothing yet becomes confused when men stare at her chest when she speaks. It's like a game of cat and mouse with this one. "So Chayne how can we help today?" Well Dr. B I want thank you for seeing me so quickly. I don't know how else to say this so I am just going to put it all the way out there: I just can't stop fucking! Dr. B it is like a curse. I have already laid with six men already and the week has just begun. The sad thing is that I have even more dates lined up. In the middle of her sentence she drops her head and begins to cry. "Chayne, what is coming up right now?" I don't know Doc. I think I am overwhelmed at the endless pit my vagina has become. This is getting out of hand. I can have a date and within 30 minutes I have the urge to find another victim. I am concerned that something is wrong with me and I want something to be done about it. "Chayne, forgive me for chuckling but there is nothing wrong with you." "You are a young women with a hearty sex drive, don't be alarmed." She wipes her tears and smiles faintly. "Well just for my record keeping I am keeping track of all of my partners. I purchased a brand new journal and a new pen. This season in my in life is titled: The fuck of the thirties." It consists of dates, names, descriptions and a score from 1 to 10 for each of my new partners. "Chayne that is very interesting, what gave you the idea to record these events?" Well Dr. B I am so disconnected from myself when I am allowing these men to use me sexually and I have no idea how to manage stress properly so I figured if I look at my sexual activity in black and white I will have more insight. That is just how I feel about it anyway. I feel as if I am spiraling out of control and I know rock bottom is soon to follow but I still cannot get off the train. It is a very helpless feeling. "Talk to me more about your feelings Chayne." Well I think that...... "I'm sorry to interrupt Chayne but I asked for your feelings not your thoughts." She was overcome with more tears. She cannot connect with her feelings and usually finds herself stuck in logical mind. There was a perfect example. She was asked in particular about how she was feeling yet she responded with what she thought instead. Why am I so dead inside Dr. B? "Chayne you are not dead inside- instead of healing you choose a path of destruction." But why Dr. Blaze? Why must I suffer so much? "Now Chayne, I am going to answer your question but first but I need to know what your sleep has been like for the last 5 days?" Here we go again she says! Dr. B I am doing just fine. I was up a little later than I wanted to be but I feel just fine- please don't patronize me. I am twenty-eight not twelve and the very fact that you are thinking about my sleep rather than the many men who have entered my vagina make me question your ability to offer service to someone with as many fucked up issues as I have. Before even thinking Chayne picked up her handbag, grabbed her counseling journal and stormed out the Doctor's office. As she exited the waiting room she looked over at the other patients and told them not to even waste their time. Excellence In Loving You Ch. 02 Before Chayne could even make it to her car she had already placed a call to her bestie Carly. "This fucking quack has lost it! Girl I am talking about my vagina getting stretched out and he is asking me about the fucking sandman!" Carly had a phone in one hand and a flat iron in the other. "What?? Shut the front door!" Before Carly could form her next sentence Chayne interrupted: "Girl, I just feel so lost. Nobody gets me. What is it that I am searching for?" Through uncontrollable sobs Chayne shouted: Why can't I just find love? Carly had talked Chayne off the ledge a time or two so she was used to this. So used to this that she can render lifesaving advice while banging out a flawless flat iron job. As always Carly allowed Chayne to expel her demons both imaginary and actual. After the emotional outburst there is always a time of solace. It is very strange that it always happens that way. Now speaking through sniffles Chayne thanks Carly for picking up the phone and apologizes for having such a tragic life. She says her goodbyes, sets her phone down and pulls down the sun visor in her car. Chayne is obsessed with her looks and reapplies her makeup several times a day. She uses so much make up she should have stock in Mac. The tears have smeared her perfectly applied make up and left a trail of black mascara down her cheek. Her eyes are blood shot and swollen from crying and her nose is running. Chayne opens her purse and pulls out her makeup bag also known as the "fashion first aid kit". This is her therapy. When she removes her makeup she envisions herself wiping away all the deceptions and lies and darkness from her life. Once the darkness has been washed off she applies and fresh new face. She likens it to a mask being applied or better yet a shield. This was a bad roller coaster she thought to herself. Now that she is calm she can step out of emotional mind and walk in wise mind. Wise mind says having a Physician ask about sleep patterns don't necessarily make him out to be a quack. She goes back in her mind and tries to rate her blow up on a scale of one to ten. Hello guilt, my name is Chayne take a seat. Well it could have always been worse- she could have flipped his desk over and extinguished Dr. Blaze's Apple products with her urine. Let's rate this blow up a four out of ten and end it with an apology phone call. Of course the phone call will have to be delayed so she can avoid actually speaking to another human about the antics of her emotionally unstable behavior. Gosh she loved voicemails. The voicemails that beep at the end of a 3 minute rant disconnecting you without the option of editing your message. Or better yet what about the voicemail that allows you to talk and talk and talk. If you are her you will utilize all of that time and fill it with as much profane, dark humored, inappropriateness as possible or you could use it as a plea to forgive unruly behavior- the latter would be most likely true in a case like this. He never really answers his phone anyway and the receptionist is on lunch so here goes: "Thank you for calling Dr. Blaze and Associates, please leave a message with your name, telephone number and date of last check up and someone will get back to you as soon as possible....beep!" Dr. B, hey it's Chayne. I apologize for storming out of your office so abruptly and I also apologize for calling you a quack. You are an awesome Doctor! You have done more than any other Physician and I want you to know I do value the time we spend together. I have been staying up late and it has been adding to my irritability- you were dead on when you asked me about my sleep before delving into my issue. I would like to follow up with you in beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Fucking voicemails! Maybe if she didn't run her mouth so much it would be moot. Okay operation normal is in full affect. This will be a good day- she is determined to have a good day. She really wanted to express to Dr. Blaze that she is just concerned with her promiscuity but if he is not bothered by her sexcapades then she is not either. I mean safe sex is a must and there is a screening process the men undergo but maybe she should pick up a rosary for protection and all. The current time is 1:30pm and by the looks of her calendar it will be a jammed packed day. First order of operation is hitting the nail salon. She gets her nails done faithfully every two weeks. She is known at the Salon for being a big tipper so even if there is a line Chayne is showed preferential treatment. See therein lies the problem. The symptoms of a fast paced life are so rewarding that she finds it hard to leave. She does not want to have different men in her bed with their hands touching her but they pay her attention and make sure all of her financial needs are taken care off. There is a 5:00pm date with this gentlemen from Thailand. He is a six out of ten and had great conversation but the downfall is his mouth full of gold teeth and his hellacious case of halitosis. She should have time for a manicure, pedicure, brow wax, lip wax and full Brazilian wax. If there is not time then time will have to be made. Absolutely nothing gets in the middle of her Spa Therapy. Her black sports car pulls up to the Salon. All eyes on her as she emerges looking flawless as ever. Excellence In Loving You Ch. 03 "Hi, Chayne! What you like today?" says the Salon owner. We are going to go with French tips for the pedicure and I would like Shellac for my manicure. Also I need to have a waxing session with whoever is in today. "Okay, girl. Have a seat and we will be right with you." Chayne likes to be waited on. Her job involves customer service which she delivers exceptionally well so when it is her turn to receive she expects perfection. The only thing with expectation is it always disappoints. Chayne reaches in her bag and grabs her iPad. It's usually glued to her right hand but today has been so busy this is the first chance she's had to look at it. As soon as she powers up the device her Skype starts going off- oops. She never signed out from last night's session. Let's see who's on: YungnRich25, Stud4u; BlingnBlack- the list goes on and on. She signs out and decides to revisit that application after her date. It's time to get waxed and the Tech that worked with her did a really good job. He made her brows razor thin and made sure he removed every single hair from her pussy and asshole. It is evident that she will have to see him regularly now. Time for her barking dogs. Chayne has never been adventurous with nail colors and usually goes with French Tips on her toes and a Natural Pink for her nails. She always overthinks whether or not her outfit will clash with her nail color and since fingernails have a natural pink tint when unpolished she decided to roll with it. It's been about 2 hours and she is all done. Next stop is to see Carly to get her hair done. Carly and Chayne have been friends for ten years or so. Carly is Chayne's longest standing friend. They used to work together at a telemarketing job ages ago. Carly has a little hair salon in the back of her house. She lives alone and has two dogs. Carly and Chayne used to party but now Carly has dedicated her life to Jesus. Please don't get confused- Carly is still down! Chayne loves Carly so much because she never judges her and has always there for her. "When are you going to rock your natural curly hair?" Carly asks. Don't start with me please. I have a very busy day. The usual please. Wash, dry and flat iron - thanks. "Why don't......" Thanks! Chayne interrupts. These girls have been through the thickest of things. As a matter of fact Chayne tried to hang herself from Carly's Sycamore tree. The girls never talk about it but I know it crosses both of their minds. So much time has passed since then- well it's been a few summers at least. Why does shit always pop off in the summer she wonders? Maybe it is the warm weather and naked bodies we overdose on. But really, summer is such a special time for her. It's almost like a three month siesta. No work, no consequences, good food, great sex- good times! Chayne is a creature of habit. She always does the same thing to her hair. Chayne has naturally curly hair that she insists on keeping straight. It is black and silky smooth. Even though she has pretty black hair it is not good enough. Chayne dyed her hair midnight black once and became upset when it turned out the same color. She was seldom happy. Carly motions for Chayne to take a seat. "Before I even start you had better put your iPad and phone down, I'm so serious!" says Carly. Usually she was gentle and nurturing but when it came to hair Carly did not play around. As far as Chayne was concerned Carly was her mother, aunt, sister and friend simultaneously. She always had a way of making Chayne spill her guts- it was a very curious occurrence. "How are you feeling Chay?" Carly is the only one who gets to call Chayne Chay. You know I feel more balanced. I am a bit tired and hungry but other than that I feel fine. I have this dinner pretty soon so can we hurry this along please....with all due respect and such. Carly tugged at Chayne's hair. "Oops, did that hurt?" she asked. Quit playing Chayne remarked. "But seriously what's going on this evening?" Oh I have this client at 5 this evening. He wants me to put a leash on him and walk him like a dog around his apartment. I tell you some people have real issues. It's fast money so I'm not going to complain but boy I tell you. "Chay, you know I never judge you, right? You know I am always here for you, right?" Yes, those are both facts you are stating Carly. Is there a point? "No point, I just worry about you is all." Well don't worry Carly- it gives you grey hair. Chayne always found a way of deflecting- well with Carly anyway. She could never get through to her father it seemed. It's been about two years since Chayne has spoken to anyone in her family. All she has is Carly and a handful of acquaintances. Carly finished styling Chayne's hair. "Here is a mirror Chayne!" Wow Carly, it looks so good, thank you! Chayne reaches in her purse and hands Carly sixty bucks plus tip. She grabs her stuff, gives her friend a hug and promises she will text after her date. Excellence In Loving You Ch. 04 Chayne reaches in her handbag for her Fashion First Aid kit and freshens up her face. Before heading home she needs to get her car washed. The car wash is like the dog park but only for cars. There are hot guys and hot cars a plenty! Chayne loves getting all dolled up and going to the car wash. Yes, she is shallow. Today is superhot and she already knows it's going to be uber busy at the car wash. As she pulls up to the parking lot she sees that there is a 15 car pile-up. Without even looking Chayne throws her car in reverse and taps the gas. She's immediately greeted by the all-knowing sound of metal smashing against metal. Chayne quickly throws her car in park. In the rear view mirror she observes the guy she just backed into. His mouth is moving very fast and the only word she can make out is bitch. They both got out of their cars and as soon as he laid eyes on her his angry look suddenly vanished. Maybe it's those shorts that bear witness to her vagina or her push up bra. It could also be her flawless hairdo thanks to Carly. "I'm so sorry" Chayne apologized profusely. The gentlemen just shook his head and pretended to actually look at her face and not just her tits. Chayne extended her hand and introduced herself. Her hand was met by a nice firm grip. "Hey I'm Dirty!" her new friend exclaimed. This is unreal. All she wants to do is wash her car and head home. If she does not have a drink soon the world just may very well end. Albeit an odd request Chayne asks her new friend if he wants to get away from the craziness and discuss things over a drink-. She hands him her driver's license and insurance card so he knows she's not a flake. Dirty just nods his head in agreement and jumps back into his car. Chayne pulled into the her favorite dive bar- she was jonsing for bucket...make that two buckets actually. Dirty appeared in the parking lot right next to Chayne. She pulled down the sun visor in her car and looked in the mirror. She positioned the mirror so she could watch Dirty. Fuck he is fine! Chayne applied her lip gloss, made sure she didn't have anything in her teeth and then she grabbed her purse. They both got out of their cars where Dirty was sure to hand her back her id and insurance card. Dirty observed the front end of his Honda Prelude and only saw minor paint transfer. He tells Chayne there's nothing to worry about and bids her a good evening. Wait a second Chayne said. You agreed to get a drink so if you back out now that is breaking a verbal agreement and I could sue you. Dirty takes a step back and asks Chayne to repeat herself. Chayne began replaying her long spiel but saw that Dirty was not entertained. Chayne clears her throat and simply asks Dirty to have a drink with her. She explains her crazy day and says she just wants to relax. Dirty looks confused. He opens his mouth to say something but he stops himself. "Say it!" Chayne says. "Are you a working girl" Dirty asks? Chayne tilts her head sideways and says: "Yes, I work in the adult industry!" but quickly follows it up with "No, I am not trying to get a date from you!" Dirty put both hands up in the air and apologized for offending her. He then motions for Chayne to follow him. He walks a few feet ahead of Chayne and being the little vixen that she is she catches up to him and loops her arm through his arm. Dirty looks puzzled but he keeps walking. The time is 4:57pm and Chayne already knows she is going to derail her own plans. There is no way she can make it to the city and get dressed by her appointment time. Oh well she thinks to herself. She may be missing out on a financial opportunity but something tells her she will gain so much more. More than she can ever imagine. Dirty was very shy and Chayne likes shy boys. She thinks they are yummy and cannot wait to test the waters with him. She tries not to think about sex but it is the only thing that has not disappointed her thus far. Her eyes gaze upon his uncovered flesh and all of her insides melt. The beating of her heart is cancelling out the background noise. She does not know if she is high or if she is having a panic attack. "Are you okay?" he asks. Chayne nods her head and comes back to reality. "Yes I am fine, I just really need a drink!" Chayne flags the waitress and orders a Rum bucket along with a shot of Malibu rum. Dirty orders a Roy Rogers. "Whoa tough night there, fella?" Chayne teases. Dirty chuckles and explains he is undergoing strict training and he cannot consume alcohol for another five weeks. Chayne leans in and asks "Does this mean you are going to take a rain check for the drink?" Dirty smiles, he has such a handsome smile. Chayne continues to size him up. Her eyes are locked on his fucking arms- they are insane. Every time he reaches for something his muscles flex causing lubrication to form inside Chayne's pussy. Drinks come and even though she is drinking alone Dirty is a good sport. He raises his glass and toasts to the evening. Chayne stirs her bucket and asks what Dirty had planned for this evening. Unable to stop his laughter Dirty told Chayne he was supposed to have a date. Chayne begins to laugh along with him and confesses she had an evening appointment as well. "Appointment?" Dirty asks. Chayne explains about the man who pays her to walk him around his apartment like a dog. Dirty was baffled that a man would pay a woman to treat him like a dog. It's a crazy world we live in he says. Yes it is Chayne agrees. Now time for the awkward silence. Dirty clears his throat and asks Chayne for a sip of her drink. Chayne gasps, drinking is forbidden is it not she says as she slides the drink over. How does it feel to walk on the wild side she asks? Dirty smiles and says the wild side has never done him wrong yet. Chayne motions for the waitress and pays her check. They finish their drinks and head to their cars. Before parting ways Chayne offers to smoke a marijuana cigarette with Dirty. Dirty gives her a sly grin and assures Chayne she is speaking his language. "Do you mind getting in my car or should I jump in with you?" Chayne asks. Dirty opens his car door and tells her to jump in. He warns Chayne that she has to crawl over his seat to get in the car however. Chayne looks back with a quizzical brow but is assured she can hear the story at a different time. She bends down and reaches out for the passenger seat. That is one lovely view Dirty thinks to himself as he politely turns around and adjusts his erect penis. "I'm in!" she exclaims. Dirty gets in and closes the door. Chayne lights the blunt and hands it to Dirty. Dirty says thank you and hits the weed. His car is all decked out like a race car. The steering wheel is really tight and his stereo has a touch screen display. Being her fidgety self she presses play on the DVD that was already loaded and to her surprise she saw a scene with two lesbians. "I like where this is going Dirty!" Chayne teases Dirty starts choking and coughing. His whole face turned red. "Are you okay honey?" Chayne asked while trying to raise his arm up to prevent him from chocking. "Geez, I'm not trying to kill you" she exclaimed. "Let me explain" Dirty insisted. Yes this is a porn and yes it is mine but I..... Well he had confessed, he was a sex addict. At that moment her heart stopped- "I wonder how this is going to play itself out?" Chayne thought to herself. Excellence In Loving You Ch. 05 Chayne has driven under the influence a time or two and has the perfect cure to her intoxication- Dick's. Those tasty Deluxe Burgers hit the spot for real. They sober her up and bring her back to reality. Before she can even start her vehicle she reaches under the seat and retrieves her iPad. Holy road apples, 32 missed calls on Skype. Chayne rolls her eyes while shifting through the requests to watch her on cam. Chayne slams her iPad shut and a rush of tears fall from her eyes. A mixture of today's events and the alcohol have caused her to become emotional. "It could really happen God! I can fall in love and leave this fucking life once and for all!" she cried out. Her fists hurt from the rapid contact they've made with the steering wheel. She knows she should stop but does not know where to begin. Chayne opens her sun visor and blindly searches for her Fashion First Aid kit with her right hand. It appears to be that time again. As she removes makeup from her tear stained face she envisions darkness being removed from her path. This lifestyle has simply sucked out all of her energy. There is nothing more that can be taken from her at this point. She has little to no contact with her family and her friends are too involved with their own toxic lifestyles to care about the struggles she has going on. Chayne's mental breakdown is interrupted by the ringtone on her cell phone. Without hesitation she clears her throat, takes a breath and answers the phone: "Hey there Big Daddy, do you want to play?" The voice on the other end is calm and mellow. It's the client from 5pm that she ditched earlier. Surprisingly enough he was not irritated in the least bit. See that is why Chayne never walks away from the game. She calls all the shoots. She can step on your foot and make you apologize to her for the inconvenience. Chayne is a very complex creature. Her father has left more of an impression on her than she would like to admit. Chayne without thought can disconnect her feelings from anyone or anything. You can set your clock by it. The funny thing about Chayne that she may not realize is that there are patterns in which her tragic life follows. Allow me to lay them out for you. First order of operation would be the infatuation process. During the infatuation process Chayne finds herself completely sprung on some young stud. Let me put strong emphasis on the word young! The second scene in this tragic play called life is resentment. Chayne overextends herself for these young puppies and then becomes frustrated when they do not reciprocate the same level of care she has rendered. The third and final step is destruction. Things sour pretty fast at a rapid rate. Chayne was not an arsonist but she surely knew how to burn a bridge. None of her exes consider Chayne a friend. She is regarded as the devil to some. Either you love her or you hate her and I am not trying to be literal that is just how she rubbed people. Chayne booked a date with the gentleman that placed the call to her and headed home. On the way there she thought about Dirty. She wanted to give him her number but she did not feel as if he was interested in her. Just her luck. She is always chasing what she cannot have and running away from what she doesn't want. It never fails. Chayne is so lost in thought that she runs a red light. She is alerted by the honking of the surrounding motorists. Adrenaline is pumping through her veins but nothing more than usual. Chayne has finally made it to her apartment. She has a plush apartment in the city with no children and no pets. She doesn't even want to be responsible for the soul of a goldfish. Her first order of business is turning on her webcam. Once that task is complete she loads her iTunes and begins to undress. Chayne is the world's worst neighbor. She fucks really loud, she blasts her music all hours of the night and she simply does not give a fuck. The chat room is full of men waiting to pleasure themselves at the sight of Chayne. She doesn't even have to be doing anything and most of them could get off. Chayne is a very sexual creature with a never ending love of music. During dates Chayne is known for loading a playlist before the fun begins. System of a down is blaring in the background and Chayne is walking around her apartment wearing only panties. Her apartment is ecofriendly and discourages smoking but she figures since the cigarettes are all natural everything is just fine. Chayne is standing in her closet finishing her smoke. Not sure of what to wear she looks at her shoe collection. When she is stuck for ideas about her wardrobe she always picks the shoes first. There are these Kenneth Cole Boots with a stiletto heel and buckles that are calling her name. She finds a black lace corset and grabs her leather trench coat. "Dinner is served!" she shouts as she places her outfit on the bed. Nag Champa incense sticks are burning in the bathroom and there are candles lighting the room. Chayne likes to get super high before she takes a shower so she is sitting at her desk rolling a blunt. She forgot her weed at home today and has been so busy that this is the first blunt of the night. It will be one of many this evening. Pictures of Dirty invade her thoughts interrupting her painful self-loathing. She sees his smile, she smells his cologne and she hears his voice. "God please put this man in my path again, please God." she prays. The water is nice and hot. Steam is already collecting in the bathroom. She gets in the shower with her back facing the water and her head leaning against the wall. The water feels so good on her body. She takes her breasts in her hand and begins to massage them. Her pussy is becoming wet. The shower head is detachable and the water pressure is fantastic for the dirty deed she's thinking of. She turns around, grabs the shower head, adjusts the settings, places one foot on the side of the tub and spreads herself open. The water is teasing her clit as she moves her hips back and forth. Her happy time session is interrupted by the ringtone of her cell phone. It's Carly: "Hey girl, you said you were going to call me after you were done walking the dog!" Carly begins to laugh hysterically. "Very funny" Chayne said. She apologized for alarming her and began to share the events of the night. The first order of business was Dirty. She told Carly about the beautiful specimen she had drinks with this evening. Before she could even dish on their common interests her phone started beeping. It was her client. He had to go into the office but invites Chayne to spend the weekend with him. Chayne respectfully declines as she is unable to spend more than a few hours with the same person before turning into a cunty bitch. Irritated at the last minute cancellation Chayne ends her phone call with Carly. The water is getting cold and the mood is long gone so Chayne decides to step out of the shower. She can't help but to feel moved by her frustration. Her anger becomes easily aroused at the loss of anger, it makes her feel helpless. One of her many fears is rearing its dirty head: BORDEM! Chayne finds nothing worse in the world than being home alone. The idle time and quiet allow the visions of her nightmares to appear more vivid. Any chance she got she wanted to be high, drunk or getting fucked. In between then she wanted to hang out with friends, dine out and go shopping. In her mind she had been through much suffering and deserved to relax. Relaxation comes in many forms and has no boundaries, in her world- anything goes. Thoughts of recreational drug use fill her mind. She on purpose thinks about what drug she wants to do and why. There is such a beautiful deadening spirit when she gets high. Everything makes sense and nothing hurts. She is addicted to being high. She has been staring at herself in the bathroom mirror for quite some time now. She is dog tired and would love to lay in bed and watch movies on her iPad but her anxious mind would torment her so. She takes a deep breath and prepares to create a plan b so she is not at home alone for the evening. Excellence In Loving You Ch. 06 The blunt crackles as it burns down. This is blunt number four for the evening. It's close to 10 p.m. and Chayne is ready for her night cap. She looks at the wine selection on her kitchen counter, grabs a bottle and pours herself a glass. There is such a heavy feeling of hopeless in her spirit. It is weighing her down like an anchor. Tonight may just be the night. This just may be the last supper. She didn't make it to Dick's but if she adds a bar of dark chocolate to her vino it becomes a meal. Suicide was never very far from her mind. She can't decide if it's death she wants or if she feels as if death is her only option for freedom. Either way she is still unclear whether or not suicide will send her to hell, so she never pushes the envelope with this obsession. Well at least not anymore. Her final attempt was in Carly's back yard. Chayne is so fucked up right now. Her mind is running a mile a minute and tears are crawling down her face. She launches her web browser and pulls up the world's most popular social networking website and does a search for Dirty. Not bad she thinks to herself. Only one hundred and thirty profiles to search through. This investigation bore much fruit. She found a profile and pictures. "Douglas Sullivan a.k.a Dirty." Bingo, she exclaimed. His profile was neglected and scarce. From her investigating she discovered he had no offspring and was single. This was very pleasing to her little plotting heart. Chayne clicked the envelope icon and began to compose a letter: Dirty, Hey it's Chayne. I really wanted to give you my number but I was not sure if you were feeling me or not- I'm still not sure about that either. I live alone in the city and usually cook more food than one person can eat and would love to have you over for dinner. Hit me back if that sounds like something you would find interesting. I hope you have a nice weekend. Take care, Chayne Before even running this email through her logic Chayne pressed send. She needed another blunt and a second glass of wine. On her way to the kitchen she heard a light knock on the door. She looked through the peep hole. It was Jermaine. Jermaine had done Chayne foul. He was in the Navy and can be convicted of breaking a heart in every city his ship has docked. She just so happened to be the lucky victim in this particular city. He always stopped by unannounced and was never reliable. Chayne could never resist the emotionally bankrupt relationship though. She had tried and tried and tried. Changing her phone number, blocking email addresses and avoiding his part of town are the steps she has taken to move on from Jermaine but nothing every worked. He once flew her down to California for the weekend only to fuck her between intervals of playing Black Ops and Saints Row 2. Meanwhile she never existed to him. Oh but she did leave his ass once. This is the one time he ever showed remorse. Chayne had discovered that Jermaine was hitting up other slab even though she was giving him pussy three days out of the week. That was enough for her to walk away. She may have low self-esteem and be lonely but she would not willingly enter a love triangle with this fucker. Jermaine must have known it was over for good that time. He showed up to her apartment a few days after the silent treatment had been implemented and dropped of a present for her. It was a little black box with a gold bow. Inside the box was a white gold tennis bracelet with diamonds. This bling was so hot. Chayne was flabbergasted but she wore her usual poker face. She never let her face show her true feelings. She could be dying inside while sporting a smile and you would not know the difference. Jermaine at a loss for words could only say he was sorry and ask her to forgive him. She didn't want to but the starving addict inside her was convinced she could love the apathy out of his cold black heart. Chayne opened the door and shut the switch off on the mental conversation she was having in her head. Jermaine had been drinking and showed up with her favorite bottle of wine. He never really says much but he doesn't have to. His eyes tell her all she needs to know. Rather all she thinks she needs to know. It's abundantly clear that Chayne attention seeks from such scum because the relationship between her and her father is lacking. Yes all too common I know. There was seldom any affection shown and when it was the moment was as awkward as humanly possible. He was comfortable co existing with her though. They were both in the kitchen playing Ozzie and Harriet. He grabbed a glass dropped a pineapple wedge inside and filled it up with wine. Chayne's glass was half empty so he refreshed it for her. That's close to three glasses in less than an hour- she goes hard! Jermaine reached around Chayne and grabbed a blunt and put it in his mouth. Wine and weed were a must no matter what. Chayne has been known to wake up to a glass of wine and a blunt but of course that is only during summer. Summer is Chayne's rumspringa as far as she is concerned. There are no don'ts just do's. A little Jesus juice never hurt anyone is the justification Chayne clothes herself with. There is little talking and much intoxication. Jermaine thinks he is laying his head down at Chayne's place tonight but he is sadly mistaken. Searching for a way to get rid of Jermaine is making Chayne crazy. She kicks herself for even letting his punk ass in. The chiming from her iPad could not have come at a better time. It was an alert from Dirty- he gave her his digits. Some women would wait for a little bit before responding to avoid appearing desperate but not Chayne. She wanted what she wanted when she wanted it and made no fucking apologies. Without hesitation she composed a text message to Dirty: Hey, what's up? So I am trying to adopt a healthier way of eating so I am going to make Curry chicken and kale tonight. Are you free? Within a few minutes she is met with his reply: "That sounds cool." That was it. Three words. He's one of those that you have to pull teeth from it seems. Wonder if it's worth the effort. The S.O.A.D playlist has completed its cycle and there is silence for once in the evening. For a brief second Chayne finds Jesus. Right there in the kitchen she falls to her knees. Tears are wetting the kitchen floor and sobs are filling the atmosphere. She cries out to God and gives Him praise: "Thank you Lord for Your goodness and Your kindness. Lord I bless Your Holy name. You alone are worthy to be worshiped Lord. Halleluiah to the Lamb of God!" It's so crazy how things work out. She has never wanted anything more than to feel wanted. Before she can come to she remembers she is not alone in her apartment. What bizarre behavior she has been showing this evening. Constant day dreaming, endless conversations in her head and crying spells have accounted for half of her day. Jermaine is so in the zone he did not even notice Chayne's episode. She has already picked herself up and heads to the bathroom to freshen up. She likes her lines long, thin, and smooth. Chayne will spend an hour on the mirror making sure the powder is free from chunks of debris. All she wants is a smooth bump- well perhaps two. The cocaine numbs her darkened soul and erases memories of pain. Chayne first knew cocaine was evil when she did a line while attending a party. Her favorite band and was playing and she was dancing and having a blast. When she took her first line it was as if the music stopped. She felt a disconnect from the comfort that music provided to her soul. The loss of comfort welcomed darkness into her spirit. She did not care and she did not feel. Self sabotage is such a curious thing. She doesn't want to be numb and disconnected from Dirty and she surely does not want to be fused to Jermaine the way she currently is. Chayne slams her glass of wine and tries to find a new outfit. She grabs a black cloth and wraps herself. It appears as if she is wearing a nice towel but it is actually a wrap to go over swimwear. As she opens the door to exit her room she bumps into Jermaine. He had been smoking a blunt and watching television in the front room but it looks like he is on a mission now. He blocks the door way and tries to steal a kiss. Chayne darts under his arm and walks over to the countertop. She is finished with her first bottle of wine for the evening, she is not sure if she is drunk or dreaming. Jermaine walks behind Chayne and brushes his erection on her ass. This is not entertaining but rather disgusting to her. "Can I help you?" she snaps with a vicious tone. "I want to put my dick in you." he mumbles. Chayne laughs and advises Jermaine that she is already spoken for this evening and is about to have a date in a few minutes. Before Jermaine can even respond Chayne and her glass of wine guide him to the door. It's been a good twenty minutes and there is no word from Dirty. Chayne picks up her phone and without thinking she dials his number. He sounds so cute on the phone. He picked up on the third ring. Wonder what kind of mental gymnastics it took for him to even take the call. Dirty brings up the fact that Chayne forgot to confirm a time for dinner or even give an address. It was getting late so he figured it was for a different night so he jumped in his car and was headed to the store. So glad that she was able to clear up her mistake she stated that dinner was happening now and the address was 912 Front St Unit A. Immediately upon hanging up she rushes to kitchen and opens up the ice box. Tonight's recipe consists of the following ingredients: chicken, garlic, kale, onion, curry sauce, carrot and mango. Those are all cut up and tossed in a pan with olive oil and served over basmati rice. Chayne hasn't cooked rice in a while and relies on the rice cooker her friend from Cambodia gave her. They worked together some years back. Chayne loves that old rusty rice cooker and vows to never get rid of it. Now that the meal is cooking she needs to put on something that looks good and doesn't reek of garlic. When all else fails Chayne selects black yoga pants and a tight white tee shirt. She looks in the mirror to make sure her nose is clean and debates whether or not she has time to break out the Fashion First Aid kit. The knock on the door lets her know that she will have to rock her face just the way it is because her guest has arrived. Excellence In Loving You Ch. 07 He arrived a few minutes late but who cares, right? This day has drained her half dead so why should this minor detail bother her? Upon entering the apartment he is taken back by the delightful smell. "Wow, it smells like Hell's Kitchen, where's Chef Ramsey?" He teased. Dirty comes in and before he can remove his hat he is greeted by a hug and a kiss. His greeting is followed up by his instant erection. "Sorry I'm late I went home to change." He explained as he shifted his erection. It turns out Dirty went home and showered before heading over. He wanted to look semi decent and had been running around all day himself. Chayne grabs Dirty's hand and gives him the grand tour of her place beginning with the kitchen. She shows him what's on the stove and offers him a glass of wine. "No thanks, water will do" he replies. She keeps forgetting he doesn't drink. That is so foreign to her. She has had a two bottle a night habit for a long time now. The smell of weed smoke fills the air and to her surprise Dirty partakes in the sport of smoking. This makes everything okay. She drinks alone most times so she isn't too bummed out when her friends don't drink. She just has to keep reminding herself to stop offering them drinks when she goes to refill her glass. Her apartment is not that big so the tour does not take long. When she shows Dirty her room he walks over to the shelf that holds Chayne's glass pieces in. Being the bong man he is he finds pleasure in such a well versed smoker. Chayne is debating on whether or not she should crack open that second bottle of wine. The fact that she is running on low and hasn't eaten all day leave her feeling unconfident about forming any decisions. Maybe she will ask Dirty to rub her feet. She doesn't want to put a movie on for she surely knows she won't make it past the opening credits. Chayne sits on her bed and offers Dirty a seat next to her. She puts her head in his lap and asks him if he would like to trade back rubs. Before giving him a chance to respond she sits up removes her shirt and lays on her stomach. During the massage Chayne asks Dirty questions that require lengthy answers. She has this trick of sleeping her way through conversations. She will ask several questions and reply with "oh yea?" or "for real?" when it was her time to contribute to the conversation in order to appear lucid. Dirty knows Chayne is not paying attention but he doesn't care. The fact that she sought him out shows interest on her part. He has had a very difficult year and finds this a refreshing distraction. It doesn't take long before Chayne succumbs to the much needed sleep required to get her out of the red. Her light snore reminds him of a cat purring. Still rubbing her back his eyes gaze upon the different mosaic paintings she has on her wall. The music is still playing and since Chayne is not available to talk at the moment Dirty makes an executive decision and turns off the dark depressing playlist and connects his own iPod. He looks over at the unfinished blunt and reignites it. He is just walking around looking at her room. There is such a peaceful vibe in her home. He finds it strange that someone living the life that she leads has such a tidy organized home. He has made his way out to the front room to turn of the appliances and make sure everything is locked up. When he reenters the room he stops for a moment to admire this strange creature. She is so beautiful when she sleeps. He cannot stop staring at her. Dirty was a nice gentleman. There is something different about him. Jermaine is the only one that stays over at her place and even his welcome has become wore out. The fact that she feels comfortable enough to fall asleep with a stranger in her home says something about the vibe Dirty puts off. After moments of gazing upon her beauty Dirty walks over to Chayne puts the blanket over her and turns off the light. Just as he turns to leave her cell phone begins to ring. Chayne's brief slumber was interrupted by the ringtone on her cell phone jolting her out of much needed rest. It's Carly. She can tell Chayne is asleep so she ends the conversation quickly but asks Chayne to call her in the morning. Chayne agrees then turns off her cellphone. Chayne sits up straight on the bed and asks Dirty to get her a glass of water. To his surprise when he enters the room Chayne is standing in her closet removing her clothes. Unsure of what to do he turns his back trying to be polite. "I don't have anything you haven't seen before." She says. Dirty chuckles and turns around but keeps his eyes fixed on the glass of water in his hand. When Chayne stretches her hand out for the water Dirty can see her pants have been removed but that's all he can make out without staring. "Would you please stay?" Chayne asks. "Sure" Dirty replies. She asks which side he wants and pull the covers back so he can get in. Dirty is lying flat on his back and his arms are down by his sides. Chayne gently grabs one of Dirty's arms and throws it around her. She is laying on his chest and she can hear his heartbeat. It's so crazy how things are playing out right now. There is so much to process and such little energy. She has a man in her bed and they are not having sex. She is enjoying the company of a man that doesn't want to pay her for her time. He just wants to get to know her. Chayne is too lazy to feel Dirty's package and within minutes she is back to sleep. Dirty has insomnia and is used to lying awake in bed at night. He is very nervous at the thought of falling asleep in a new environment but the warm body next to him is making things a whole lot easier. Dirty has been single for close to two years now and forgot how nice it is to sleep next to someone. He really wants to take off his shirt but doesn't want to freak Chayne out. He plants a small kiss on her forehead and tries to close his eyes also. It's been a super long day but it has had a nice ending so he can't really complain. Excellence In Loving You Ch. 08 Chayne opens her eyes and for a split second she has no idea where she is or who she's with. Throughout the course of the evening she and Dirty drifted into the spoon position. She lifts his arm from around her and crawls out of bed. She has only been sleeping for a few hours. Chayne goes into her closet cracks the door and turns on the light so she can see the mysterious man she's been spooning with. Her heart almost stopped. It's Dirty! She wonders how he got in her bed. She was wearing her bra and panties still which is odd for her. Not just because she is a loose women but because she sleeps in the buff. Chayne goes to the bathroom, brushes her teeth, washes her face and applies a light coat of makeup. She slips back into bed and snuggles in the spoon position with Dirty. He sleeps very quietly. For a moment Chayne is happy. She is in the arms of a man and she feels secure. Her feelings of peace are cut off by her libido. She hasn't had sex in 24 hours and is starting to have withdrawals. Why must basketball shorts have such flowing material she thinks to herself as she runs her hands across his crotch? She hates to molest him while he's sleeping but she has got her second wind. Chayne gently tugs at his shorts and stops when she sees his pubic area. He trims, how delightful. Chayne gently releases his penis from his boxers and places it in her mouth. She wraps her lips around his flaccid member and opens her throat. Chayne loves to deep throat cock. She takes his penis into her mouth and stops once it reaches her tonsils. Once they meet she bobs her head up and down at a rapid pace. She tries not to moan but can't help it. Dirty is slowly waking up and when he realizes what's going on he pulls his shorts off completely. Chayne fixes herself between his legs and continues to go to town. Dirty is moaning quietly and moving his hips. He places one hand on the back of Chayne's head and begins to fuck her face. Dirty is in hog heaven. Nothing beats having his penis in the mouth of a nasty girl who wants to swallow his seed. He is making more noise and pumping at a faster pace now. Chayne likes having her face fucked. It strips her of control and forces her to submit. This pleases her. If she is not in control Chayne prefers to be dominated. It's one way or the other with her. Dirty tells Chayne he is getting close and asks if he should stop. Now what man opts to not cum in a girl's mouth? Not many, right? Correct. He wants to paint the back of Chayne's throat but wants the green light first. With a mouth full of cock Chayne tells Dirty to keep going. When he cums he lets out a big groan. It almost startles her. She has never had a man cum that loud before. His seed is very sweet indeed and she swallows it all up. Before she can wipe her mouth Dirty switches spots with her. He removes her panties and spreads her legs. His mouth is so soft and his tongue is so impressive. He is eating her pussy like it's his last meal. Not sparing a drop of her love juice. He parts her lips and gently sucks on her clit. Chayne is a squirter. Most people think female ejaculation is urine but it is not. Chayne can only cum when she knows someone really well and since she just met Dirty that's not going to happen. She enjoys sex with randoms yet only climaxes with herself. When she starts getting close her body tenses up. Chayne has too much dignity to fake an orgasm so she usually just closes her legs and tells the person at the other end that they have had their fill. She can't talk to Dirty like that however. She actually respects him as a person not just another stiff dick. "Come here." She says as she pulls him up towards her. He stops eating and slowly lays his head on the pillow. "Did I do something wrong?" he asks. She replies with no and begins to sniff his face. Chayne likes her own brand. She was obsessed with the way her pussy smelled. She can be known for doing a smell check before the intimate stage of a date begins. Her pussy smells sweet like honey and it tastes good as well. Even though her vagina has seen much traffic it is surprisingly tight. She cannot take full credit for this however. She swears by Kegel exercises and the fact that she has never given birth. There is no other explanation as to why her pussy fits like a glove when it is in such constant use. Chayne sits up and looks over at her desk. "Did you smoke our blunt?" she asks. His smile gives him away and he apologizes. She lets him know it's okay and gets up to roll another one. Dirty observes her naked body as she walks around her room collecting supplies to get them high. He finds it so fascinating that she is so comfortable being naked in front of him being that it is they just met. She doesn't peg him as a working girl- she seems so cultured and classy. She is well spoken and has manners. Little did he know Chayne was good at pretending to be stable and hiding her faults. If he only knew what she was thinking. She hands the blunt to Dirty and switches back to her playlist. Loud rock music fill the air. Chayne does not care about the time either. She can't get high without listening to music. Chayne excuses herself and slips into the bathroom. Her makeup looks nice and her hair is still pulled up in a ponytail. She is only wearing a bra at the moment and can't decide which direction she wants to go with Dirty. She has already sucked him off and allowed him to eat her pussy but she is not sure if she wants to pursue anything else. She looks under the bathroom sink and retrieves the tampon box where she hides her drugs. Inside the box is a mirror a bag of blow, a bag of dope, a pipe, a razor and a straw. She turns on the fan, lights an inscent stick and fills the pipe with dope. She only needs a few hits in order to kick start the day. Thoughts of all the money she is passing up is beginning to cloud her thoughts. She wants to hang out with Dirty but gives priority to her addiction with spending money. She hits the dope again, hides the drug paraphernalia, turns on the sink for a few moments and leaves the bathroom. Dirty put the blunt out and waited for her. Chayne lights the blunt and stands in her closet. She removes her bra and cups her naked breasts in her hand. Not sure of what to wear Chayne grabs another wrap. Even though she is fully clothed Dirty still sees visions of her naked body. Chayne leaves the room and heads for the kitchen. This is not the first time that she passed out with food on the stove. To her surprise the stove is off and the pan she was cooking on was placed in the ice box. Chayne smiles to herself. Attention to small details such as that make her happy. Maybe she will give Dirty a fair shake. Chayne whips up a fruit and cheese platter and grabs a bottle of wine from the counter. As she enters the room she finds Dirty laying back with his eyes closed. He is very cute when he sleeps. Chayne sets the tray on the table and goes back to the kitchen for glasses and orange juice. When she reenters the room Dirty is sitting up. "Help yourself" she says. He grabs a plate and loads it up. "I'm so hungry" he says. I know she remarks, me too. Chayne finally sat down to eat. She loved hors d'oeurvres. She neatly arranges the meat, cheese, crackers and fruit on her plate. The first bite fills her stomach and arouses her hunger at the same time. Chayne often starved herself. She wanted to test her ability to endure suffering. After a few bites she pours herself a glass of white wine with a splash of orange juice. She eats another bite and pushes her plate away. Dirty is thankful for this little snack it fills the spot. Chayne pours him a glass of orange juice and adds a few sliced strawberries to the glass. Dirty asks Chayne if she wants him to take off. Chayne tells Dirty she will be needing to shower and get started for her day pretty soon but asks him to smoke another blunt with her. Chayne gets up from the bed and sits at her desk so she can roll another blunt. She puts on her Radiohead playlist. Her mood is changing. Dirty cannot help but think he did something wrong. He is usually not a gambler but today he takes a chance. He gets up from the bed and walks up behind Chayne. He places each of his hands on top of hers and brings his lips to her ear. He gently caresses her ear with is tongue before taking the lobe into his mouth. Chayne throws her head back in ecstasy. He has released one of her hands and unties her wrap. Chayne stands up exposing her beauty, turns around and reaches out for Dirty's face. She is used to being in control and finds it shocking when Dirty grabs her wrist and spins her back around. He moves the chair out of the way and gets behind her again. Dirty reaches around her and places a firm grip on her neck. With this grip he guides her head back and continues to caress her ear. She reaches inside his shorts and finds his penis. Her fingers travel down the shaft to his testicles. She gently rubs her finger across the fleshy sack. Her touch is so soft. His kisses have moved from hear ear down to her neck. That is her erogenous zone. Once again she turns around but before he can redirect her she plants a kiss on his lips. Excellence In Loving You Ch. 09 The first kiss was innocent indeed and even though she stole it, it was very satisfying. His mouth is very soft and his mustache tickles her chin. She's surprised that his kisses are as passionate as they are. Now positioned on the bed Chayne straddles Dirty and hops on his cock. Normally condoms are a must but she is so hungry for him that she doesn't care. Birth control is not an issue as she has an IUD but STI's are always a possibility. This should be a concern for her but he doesn't come across as a low life so she is not worried about catching anything from him. Her breasts are bouncing up and down as she rides his cock. He reaches out for her throat where he then places a firm grip. Erotic asphyxiation is one of her faves during sex. Controlled breathing during sex prolong the orgasm. Even when masturbating she holds her breath to intensify her orgasms. The faster she rides him the tighter he grips her neck. It doesn't take long before she finds herself flat on her back with her arms being restrained. He's fucking her deep and slow. His dick fits her pussy like a glove- it's so warm and so tight. He starts to pick up the pace and that is when he unleashes his inner freak. In one swift motion he turns her on her stomach and pushes her ass in the air. From the back he slides his cock back into her throbbing pussy. With a handful of her hair he pulls her towards him and makes her confess to being a nasty little cunt. Doggy style is one of her favorite positions because she can masturbate while she's getting fucked. This is the only instance where she can get herself off without her body tensing up. Penetration sex does not get Chayne off. Sex just feels like a nice massage and even though there are certain stipulations that must be followed in order for her to achieve an orgasm she still enjoys it quite a bit. Loud rock music continue to fill the air along with their moans of passion. He asks if he should pull out but she insists that he cums inside her. After he busts his nut he lays next to her on the bed and begins to kiss her softly on the face and neck. This is the point where she usually asks her suitor to leave but Dirty is not a trick- she actually finds an interest in him. Initially she wants to make another entry in her journal rating the sex she just had but decides to make a mental note instead. Dirty is so much more than a number to her. She did not quite get off but she had a great time. His penis is average length but it is thick as hell. The most important fact is that he knows how to work his ass. He most definitely put in a day's worth of work banging out her pussy. It was so amusing watching his facial expressions. He makes this one face- it's not clear if he is going to cry or laugh. They both lay back and enjoy a post coital blunt. The sun is starting to come up now and she knows she must check her iPad and turn her phone back on to see what the day has in store for her. From the moment that her iPad powers up the chiming alerts from Skype flood the screen. The internet session from last night ended because there was no activity. Chayne does not take her webcam business serious. As a matter of fact she doesn't take much seriously. She does want she wants and answers to absolutely no one. Sometimes she lays in bed and thinks about offing herself. Despite all the money and drugs and men in her life she still feels empty inside. She is sometimes confused as to whether or not she is wanted for her body or her intellect. Dirty's cell phone rings for the first time since their date started. From the sounds of things it's his training coach. Apparently he had missed his morning workout and his trainer is not understanding things from the way his face is looking. Chayne excuses herself to the kitchen and gives Dirty privacy. She looks around for what she can make for breakfast and decides to prepare him a cup of coffee and a grilled cheese. She can still hear him talking on the phone and it sounds like he is trying to get out of going to the gym to train. She has mixed feelings about this. She wants to see him but really needs to line her pockets. It is a moot point now as Dirty emerges from her bedroom fully dressed. He explains he must leave and apologizes he cannot stay for breakfast. Chayne has this strange method of becoming easily offended. Even though she has her own business to take care of, she has willingly made the decision to make money rather than hang with Dirty. Why then does she become extremely offended when he leaves to go take care of what he needs to take care of? She is plagued by wandering emotions and is never dead set on anything really. Dirty hugs Chayne and gives her a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Chayne walks around her empty apartment and thinks about getting high. She walks over to her bed and looks at the crumbled up sheets. She tries to jog her memory to a few hours earlier where she and Dirty were tangled up enjoying each other's bodies. Her heart is filled with loneliness and a tear falls from her eye. For a moment she fantasizes about staying in bed all day but then reality sets in. She has to go to work today. She cues up the SOAD playlist and heads to the bathroom to fix herself a line. It's time to numb the fuck up! Shifting through emails can be both entertaining and irritating at the same time. She is so sick of these fucking tricks and their weird fucking ways. She spots an email from an older client she has had for years. He likes to strip down to everything except his women's thong underwear and get whipped like a slave. He pays top dollar so who is Chayne to refuse service? Chayne replies to the email and sets up an appointment for the early afternoon. As she promised earlier she places a call to Carly and dishes on the hot steamy sex she and Dirty just had. Carly is a devout Christian but she loves to hear all the dish on Chayne's sexcapades. It's a little too early to make a full assessment but Carly knows that there is something different about the way Chayne interacts with Dirty. For the first time in a long time Carly notices that Chayne is truly interested in connecting with someone rather than being bought out by the highest bidder. She prays for Chayne each night. Her prayer is for Chayne to find peace in her life and she prays for Chayne to make peace with her past. But there is so much brokenness there. Carly is alert enough to know that Chayne is slowly committing spiritual suicide by engaging in the lifestyle she lives. Although there is lots of glitz and bling there is nothing glamorous about being in the adult entertainment industry. Carly cuts the conversation short but asks Chayne if she plans on seeing Dirty again. That was 60/40. Chayne longs for that closeness but doubts Dirty will be able to tend to all of her needs. Just like that she talks herself in and out of love. There is always an excuse or a reason to not leave the life. Currently she doubts she can find a man to take care of her sexual needs. Chayne feels as if she may need at least three partners in order to stay afloat. That is just the conversation she is having in her head at this moment, ask her a little while longer and the answer will be something completely different. The drip from that line is seeping into the back of her throat. She is finally getting the push that she needs to start her day. Her internet business has taken a backseat and she feels as if she should dedicate at least an hour to having a webcam session. There are already men waiting for her to sign on. Most of them have been idle for several hours. As soon as the online icon appears her paypal account starts to swell. She types a generic message in the room and waits for the request to have a private session. The way it works is the person with the highest bid is first, he is presented with an online menu where he pays again and in 15 minutes the session is over unless he pays the restoral fee. Men usually expire in the first part of the session but they pay for a restoral so they can chat. Chayne is extremely professional when she shows up to work. Hands down she makes every client feel as if he was the first person she has ever fucked on cam. That is why her customers are so loyal. She literally treats these men as if they are the most important person in the world. She wears them down and leads them to believe that she cares when in all actuality she hates them. That is what the game is about. Not sex but winning someone's trust. The sex is the easy part what is hard is listening to some freak get off while smelling her used panties or better yet the hard part is hold a straight face when all you want to do is barf. Two hours and about four hundred dollars later Chayne decides to shower and get dressed for the day. She needs to hit the gym but counts that 30 minutes she rode Dirty as her cardio for the day. She doesn't feel the need to masturbate in the shower which is odd but she doesn't give it much thought. In the middle of washing her hair her phone begins to ring. It is a private number. Chayne picks up the phone demands that the caller unblocks their number and then hangs up. Chayne is very specific about contact via the telephone. She does not answer private or blocked calls. However she has a blocked number- go figure. She never plays by her own rules. She finishes washing her hair and jumps out of the shower. Her phone rings again and this time there is a number on the screen. Chayne answers the phone as if this is the first time it has rang today. It's Dirty. He was calling from the gym. He wanted to apologize for leaving so quickly and says he wished he could have spent more time with her. Chayne is very excited that Dirty takes initiative. He says the all the right things and the crazy part is she fucking believes him. What does he have to lie about? Being able to trust someone is so foreign to her. She likes the way it makes her spirit feel. She feels full when care is being rendered to her. She soaks that shit up a sponge. They make plans to hang out later in the evening and Chayne says she is going to hold off on drinking for the night. They both say their goodbyes and end the call. Chayne dresses herself and gets prepared to see her lunch appointment. Excellence In Loving You Ch. 10 CHAPTER 10 This particular client was loaded. He had a nice home with a pool in the backyard. He looked like an all American boy only he liked women's underwear. His case was a classic. There have been many clients that appeared to be normal but behind closed doors had freaky fetishes. Fetish play is not usually Chayne's drug of choice it's just a skill she learned along the way. She would much rather spread her legs than mind fuck with some freak whom she cares nothing about. Fetish play causes you to engage and enter the mind of your client. It's just like role playing. Playing the part was second nature for her. She loved performing. This is the only thing she feels she is good at. She doesn't want to just be an escort she wants to be the fucking best escort ever! She uses reverse psychology to get her clients to trust her and then she starts attacking their pockets. She was good at what she did and had it down to a science. Today was the first time Chayne has ever seen this client drunk. It was out of his character to let himself lose control and a bit awkward to experience. Before Chayne even got her feet in the door the client was waiving around hundred dollar bills. Her date was originally scheduled for 1 and a half hours but now he wants her for three days. Something is different about his behavior but she cannot pinpoint it. She declines a drink but asks for water instead. Chayne shows herself to the restroom where she calls the agency to let them know she has arrived. She changes out of her civilian clothes and slips into that black lace corset. By the time she emerges from the bathroom the client is already on the floor wearing his leash and women's thong panties. She walks over to him and begins to pet the top of his head. With leash in hand she begins to walk him like a dog, stopping every other pace to render insults and commands. That is what 500 dollars buys some rich fuck. She could not wrap her mind around it. The biggest shock was his fetish for women's underwear. He requests that Chayne masturbates in her panties without washing them. He likes to place them over his face while he jacks off. Sometimes he even likes to wear them. Either way he was paying her $125 per each pair of dirty panties she could provide. After their session Chayne changes back into her clothes and finishes her glass of water. The curious thing about role playing is how opposite a person's life is from their fantasy. She never knew why a grown man would want to be humiliated. Her father was never like that. He was a man's man. She had never seen her father cry and she rarely heard him say that he loved her. Things like that make Chayne into the needy ball of wax that she is today. She always sought out that seal of approval from any man she ever dated. Even men that meant nothing to her still had the benefit of her performing for them. If she was able to love on all these people she figured her wounded spirit would somehow be repaired but that was hardly the case. She hadn't realized it just yet but she was soon going to learn. Chayne cannot see herself spending more than a few hours with one person so she declines the offer to stay for three nights. She collects her money and heads to her car. Before she goes anywhere she deposits her cash in the bank. Bank runs are a common occurrence for Chayne. She deposits cash several times a day. She has a lavish lifestyle but she saves her money as well, leaving herself room for a plan B so to speak. Chayne was always thinking about how she was going to spend her time, she never liked being alone. While at the stoplight Chayne scrolled through her cellphone thinking about who she could call to occupy her time. The sad thing is she only wanted to see Dirty or Carly and no one else. Chayne missed her mom. If she was talking to her family she could drive over to her Mom's house and sit in the front yard for a few hours but that was not going to happen. The urge to get a drink is starting to peak its ugly head. She tries to distract herself with her second addiction- food. She was always on a binge or past the point of starving. Starvation is a tool she uses to regulate her emotions. Binging is a method she uses to comfort herself. Either way these polar opposites go hand and had for her. First stop is to get some Pho noodle soup. She had been craving Pho since Carly cancelled last week. Chayne rarely goes out alone but there is this Pho joint that is just like home to her. The owners know what her order is and they start making her food before she can even sit down. The beginning part of a binge is very mellow. She wants to stretch her stomach and then empty its contents so she drinks lots of fluids and eats very slowly. Once she has ingested her lunch she drives over to Dick's to score some burgers. This part of the binge takes place in her apartment on the bathroom floor. I am sure you don't need to have the last part of the binge spelled out. She rids herself of all the food she has just ingested. Just like that she goes from being full to being empty again. Not even Carly knows about her eating disorder. It became pronounced after Chayne stopped speaking to her parents. After a purge Chayne is just not satisfied with brushing her teeth, she had to floss, rinse and even shower. There she sits at her desk preparing to roll a blunt. Her life is just like Groundhog's Day. Wake up, get high, fuck, wake up, get high, fuck and round and around we go. The last two weeks have been unbearable. She has been struggling with suicide ideation and is being tormented by the very thing that is keeping her alive. She feels dead inside and notices that when she really needs a friend there is no one in sight. But why must others be responsible for her happiness? She surely can't make it alone that is why she is always reaching out her hand for something. For a while the lifestyle provided the momentary pleasure she thought she needed but she found out later on that getting stuck in the life was like laying down in a warm bed. It was easy to get into but hard to get out of. Halfway into her blunt her cellphone starts to ring. It is one of her regular clients. He is back in town and wants to see her as soon as possible. Well at least she doesn't have to be stuck home alone. Chayne packs and bag and heads out the door. Little does she know this is going to be the last date she has for money. As she arrives to the hotel she observes the open bar. Without thinking she pours herself a double Grey Goose on the rocks. Vodka always fucked her up so I am not sure why she choose that over wine. Not only that but she had made a promise to Dirty she would stay sober. Welcome to the world of addiction. Promises to stop for love or friendship never ever pan out- she knows that. She just wanted to be normal for once but now, now she just wants to stuff all of her feelings inside and wash them down with a few shots of "I don't give a fuck!" This client is very aggressive and needy. He watches her get dressed. He follows her to the restroom. She is under constant surveillance with this client. He knows Chayne is not a thief so that is not why he follows her. He follows her because she is one of the most beautiful creatures he has ever seen. That is kind of confusing to Chayne. She doesn't understand why men pay for her time. She knows she is worth it but finds it odd that she can be so desirable for an hour and a half and then not matter once time is up. What changes from then to then? She is still the same person. Men just use her for their own selfish sexual needs and then they discard her. The money she receives now cannot be compared to the money she will spend on psychotherapy. This life takes away more than it can ever give. She knows that. She just doesn't know how to stop. The air is becoming thick and she is finding it hard to breathe. She is having a panic attack. She knows that something bad is about to happen she just doesn't know to whom or when it will occur. She is slowly losing control. Her head is becoming dizzy. Something is not right. Her vision is blurry. She looks around the room for her client but he is nowhere in sight. She has had vodka before and it has never made her feel like this before. She is afraid that someone has drugged her. Chayne closes herself in the bathroom and makes herself throw up. She was a pro at this. She then runs water over her face and kneels down. She tries to stand up but she falls back to the floor. The room is fading to black. She has passed out. When she comes to her client is hovering over her. He has this crazy look in his eye. She asks how long she passed out and he says it's only been a half hour. At this point she is sure she's been drugged. Without trying to raise red flags Chayne acts as if she is feeling better. Chayne asks her client to fix her another drink and when he leaves the room she grabs her shit and runs for the door. She peels out of the driveway and heads to the nearest hospital. In the waiting room she begins to vomit again. She is immediately taken in the back where they pump her stomach and run toxicity tests on her. She was right, he fucking drugged her. She was so lucky to escape unharmed. Just before she could discharge she heard a familiar voice. She looked up and it was her Mom. Chayne hasn't seen her Mom in about two years. Their eyes met but they both remained silent. She wondered if the day would ever come. Apparently while Chayne was having her stomach pumped she was screaming out for her Mom. The Nurse looked through Chayne's phone and dialed her Mom's number. Her Mom looked very sad. Her eyes had dark circles around them and looked swollen. Chayne can see that her Mom has been trying to nurse another black eye. "Two years is a long time" her Mom said. Chayne chuckled and told her Mom that something's never change. Chayne doesn't have the energy left to worry about anyone other than herself. She loves her Mom and is glad to see her but she cannot be around her if she stays in her abusive marriage. Chayne thanks her Mom for coming and lets her know she has someplace to get to. They hug one another and part ways. Chayne feels herself slipping out of control. Things are happening too fast for her. She longs for her Mother's embrace but knows she cannot fight her fight anymore. The sadness that she feels is quickly covered up with anger. She is mad that the hospital staff even looked through her fucking phone. Chayne was embarrassed to think that she cried out for her Mom like some school girl. It had happened to her before after having bad dreams but never has she cried out to her Mom in the wake of being attacked. Her convictions are quite heavy. She knows she is punishing her Mom for not being more like her but she does not know what to do. She wants to chase her Mom down and tell her she needs her but she knows her Mother has no capacity to support her since she can barely even make it herself. Chayne will always feel as if she has been abandoned by her Mother. When she becomes sad it is much easier to think of all the fucked up things her Mother has done and become angry. The angry puts her in control. Today has been very strange and all Chayne wants to do is get high. She fixes a line for herself once she gets to her car and she cleans the makeup off her face. She does not know how close she has come to death nor has she ever been aware. She views incidents like the one she just had as a risk to the life. There are pros and cons of every career. The most important thing she tells herself is that she is alive.