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Cuffed Ch. 01

By: CrackedChaos



Hey readers! Long time, no talk. Where can I even begin?? I have been so...torn...this past year. I've relocated...twice, dealt with a death in the family...I got my first full-time position and quit (it sucked)...so much, so much; but, here I am. I've been sitting on this story for over a year and finally dusted it off. I hope it reads well.

Now, as for my other stories. I really don't know if I can continue them. It's been so long and I've become majorly disconnected from the characters...but if anyone is still reading them, I will--surely--give it a try. 

Happy Reading!

*****

Chapter One: Birthday Surprise

Splatters of red broke through the white canvas as I tossed paint at the easel. Many faces turned in my direction, but I continued to stare at the paint splashed in abnormal shapes and patterns. 

I grinned. 

Red was the color of the day. 

I swirled my paintbrush in the turpentine, making sure all traces of paint were gone before setting the utensil on my easel. I continued to smile as I strode out of the art studio and into the sunlight. 

"What are you grinning about?"

"Tonight."

Lara rolled her eyes. "You're excited about David's birthday dinner? Why? You know it's gonna be boring."

"How do you know that?"

"Because it's boring every year. It's the same thing: dinner at Logan's, a movie to follow, proceeded with dessert from Carl's Ice Cream Factory. Then, the night will be topped off with some mediocre sex that only one of you will enjoy."

My smile faded. "It's gonna be different this year, Lara."

"You said that last year...and the year before that. I just don't want you to get your hopes up to have them shot down again."

"I'm trying stuff I never have before, though. New gifts, new lingerie. Get this," I straightened myself to look into my best friend's eyes, "the theme for this year is 'red'."

"Red?"

"Yeah. Red symbolizes so many things I want to bring back into the relationship; sensuality, heat, passion..."

"Red also reminds me of periods, pain, and death."

"Lara!"

"Well, it does! Look, I think your plan is good and all, but you shouldn't be the only one trying to bring something new and interesting to the table. Where are David's contributions? Don't be the only one giving one hundred percent, Kennedy."

"And there went my positive attitude," I huffed. 

"Don't lose focus on my account, Kennie. Your plan sounds thought out and it may work," Lara rose from the ground and slung her backpack over her shoulder. "Let me know how it goes, okay?" 

"Where are you going?"

"Study group."

"But then you can't help me get stuff for David's dinner tonight." I knew I sounded whiny, but Lara promised me for weeks we would go to the mall together for David's gifts. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

She didn't look sorry. Honestly, she looked relieved. I rose from the grass and dusted off my overalls. "No you're not, but whatever. I'll talk to you later." 

I stewed on the entire drive to the mall. 

I knew for some time my best friend, Lara, was at odds with David; but whenever I asked her why, she never gave me a straight answer. Her response usually consisted of "I just don't like him", or "I don't trust him". Webster's did not contain a word strong enough to convey her feelings toward my fiancé—the word "loathe" worked most of the time, however. 

"But that still doesn't excuse her from being unsupportive," I huffed while stomping in the direction of Sears. I made a beeline for the power tools and grabbed the drill David was eyeing last time we were in the store together. By the time I visited Lids and Gloria Jeans, my attitude shifted one hundred and eighty degrees. Iced coffee tended to have that effect on me.

"Hi there, welcome to Kohl's!" An associate popped from behind a rack as I entered the store. "Is there anything I can help you find?"

"No, I got it covered, thanks." I knew Kohl's like the back of my hand, so I wasted no time in finding the outfit I needed for the night. I chose a black dress on clearance and decided to pair it with red heels and accessories. "Maybe David will catch on to the theme," I murmured to myself as I stacked boxes of red shoes near an armchair. 

"Ooh, I like those; but how about these?" An associate, whose nametag boasted "Sarah", held out a pair of black, strappy heels. 

"Now, I like those!" I took the pair from her and slipped them on. "Do you have these in red?"

"I can check," the little brunette scurried away. 

I twisted and turned my ankle, eyeing the black shoe and weighing my options. "Red purse, red lipstick, red teddy for tonight...Actually, Sarah, I think these shoes will work—ouch!" I stood up and collided with a hard, warm wall of flesh. 

"I'm so sorry," a male voice apologized. 

I righted myself and regained my composure just in time to lose it in the wake of green eyes staring down at me. My lips parted, but no sound came forth. I imagined I looked like a fish out of water. 

Geez, get it together, Kennedy, I coached myself to no avail. My heart rate quickened as we stayed locked in our ocular embrace. In the back of my mind, I heard him apologize again, but I didn't snap into action.

"Miss. Are you okay?" he asked, those green orbs filled with concern, but laced with curiosity.

"Yeah, um," I cleared my throat. "Sorry. I was just caught off guard." I stooped to gather my purchases and realized the man had a gun on his hip. A cop...or hit man.

"No problem. Here, let me help you with that," he said, picking up my Victoria's Secret bag. Of course, the teddy fell out. 

"Oh, God," I groaned. Heat flooded my cheeks—something I knew he wouldn't miss. 

"Sorry," he said, fumbling around the small heap of fabric on the floor. "It's nice, by the way."

"Not helping," I muttered, taking the garment from him and stuffing it in another bag. "What are you even doing over here anyway? This is the women's section." I sat my bags down and crossed my arms.

"I'm buying a pair of stilettoes for my dear, old grandmother," he smirked. 

"A sarcastic muscle-bound man, now that's something new," I rolled my eyes at the, insanely attractive, muscle bound man. "Well, if you're not going to say why you bulldozed over me in the women's shoe section."

"Bulldozed? You ran into me, chick."

"Ran into you?" I laughed without humor. "You were the one hovering over me like I was about to stuff these shoes in my Victoria's Secret bag without paying. Now, if you'll excuse me, officer—hit man, or whatever—I'm gonna go pay for this to avoid being gunned down." I gathered my bags and walked forward, only to have the sarcastic man blocking my path. Sexuality, heat, and a cologne I couldn't name radiated from his body. I had to leave—and quick. 

"You can call me Holden," he smiled. "And I'm off duty."

"Later, Off Duty Holden," I said, leaving him smirking in the aisle. 

I felt his eyes on me as I walked away. It was like as he bid me to come back. I wanted to. 

My feet dragged as I trudged around the store. I knew I had to make it to the dressing room before I checked out, but I couldn't bring myself to go that next step. I didn't want to leave the store yet. I felt bereft—left wanting. "Geez, what's my problem?" I huffed, shaking my head. 

I turned to look back for the cop, but he already moved to housewares. I followed him. I knew I shouldn't have. I was running late for my fiancé's birthday dinner, but there I was, stalking another man. That mattered little in the wake of my heated body and clammy skin. 

Attraction and desire burned through me: I was a pile of dry leaves and Holden, the off-duty cop, was the flame that set me ablaze. "What am I doing?" I huffed in frustration as I followed him to men's apparel, back to shoes, and back to housewares. And what the world is he looking for? I wondered. He did full loops around the store and hadn't picked up a single item. 

Well, he was in the women's shoe section. Maybe he was shopping for the woman in his life. My subconscious jeered. The thought made my pulse quicken. My eyes even had the nerve to tighten along with my chest. Jealousy was not an emotion I was accustomed to, but it hit me like a slab of concrete. "I am engaged!" I whispered harshly to myself. "I love David, and David loves me. We are going to get married in June and it's gonna be perfect." With that, I dashed to the dressing room. 

I sent up a litany of thanks for whatever force aided me in choosing yoga pants for the day before sliding them off. I tossed my t-shirt to the floor before pulling the dress off the hanger. That's when the door to the dressing room flew open. 

"What the? Someone's in here!" I realized that in my haste to try on the dress, I forgot to lock the door.

The cop emerged through the door and locked it behind him. I had no idea why, but this action sent butterflies dancing in the lowest part of my belly.

"Why were you following me?" He asked.

I decided to play dumb. "What?"

"I'm a cop. I know when I'm being watched or followed. What do you want?"

"Couldn't you ask me questions when I was finished trying this on?" I waved the dress in his face. "I'm feeling really vulnerable right now." Mainly because I was almost naked and his eyes had not strayed from mine yet.

"Answer the question."

I said the first thing that came to mind. "I wanted to know if you were on duty. I've never seen a cop brandishing a gun off duty." 

"Brandishing? The thing is safely attached to my hip. And I told you I was off duty. I'm sure you can do better than that, chick."

Darn. "No uniform?"

"Not while off duty."

"And your handcuffs?" I said, remembering the metallic glint I saw on his pants not too long ago.

"You never know when you may need them," a flicker of something passed in his eyes, but I couldn't pick out the emotion before it left his eyes. 

"So, are you gonna leave now? I'm kinda in a hurry."

"What's your name?"

"Why?"

"Because I'd like to know the name of the woman I'm taking out tonight. It does something special to me when a woman stalks me around a department store."

"My name is Kennedy, and I can't go out with you tonight, on account of my boyfriend's birthday dinner."

"The diamond on your left ring finger would indicate he's more than a boyfriend. What is that thing? Around one...one and a half carats?"

"Okay, Sherlock Holmes. He's my fiancé. What's it to you?"

"Just curious as to why you'd lie about your relationship status." He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall of the dressing room. I inhaled deeply and released the air in my attempt to quell the fluttering desire in the pit of my stomach. 

"I did not lie! I was caught off guard. It's not everyday you run into an off duty cop, wielding a gun in your face."

"Wielding? Are you really that frightened of my gun?" His eyes danced with mischief as if he were entertained by the idea.

I sighed. "You know, you're still in my dressing room."

"Well, I thought you wanted to spend time with me, seeing as you stalked me through Kohl's. I'll see you around, Kennedy." He righted himself before giving a brief smile and exiting the dressing room.

I deflated. How could one man have that much power over me? A man that was not my fiancé! I chastised myself as I tried on the dress, when I went to the cashier to purchase my items, and as I sped walked to my car.

"You're late, Kennedy." David's face was hard as I scooted into the booth. 

"I know, I'm sorry. I was held up at the store." That was almost the truth. "I had to grab a few things."

"Well, I ordered you a drink. The appetizer should be out soon."

I exhaled to try and gather my wits. I put on a smile and asked, "Do you want to open your gifts now or later?"

"You know we always do them after we eat," he shook his head. "So, how was your day?"

"Not bad," I said, catching my breath. "I got into the studio after my time at the high school. How was your day?"

And that's all it took. One question about his day and he talked for the rest of the meal about bank statements, checks and balances, audits; and other topics accountants discussed. I couldn't relate. Now, if he were to ask me about the difference between cadmium and bismuth yellow, I could launch into a ten-minute speech.

We finished our meal and David opened his gifts, but confusion marred his features as he picked up the Victoria's Secret bag. I grinned. He pulled the teddy out and quickly stuffed it back in. 

"What kind of sick joke?" His eyes darted around the room, checking to see if anyone watched us.

"David...it's for me to wear... for you." My smile faded at the realization that he didn't understand the purpose behind the lingerie. 

"Oh. Okay."

"After ice cream, of course." I forced a smile.

He nodded, looking relieved. "Now you're talkin'. Let's get out of here."

~

David gave it his best try in the bedroom that night, but my mind wandered back to Holden. His green eyes, the way his muscles rippled with every movement he made... It was Holden's face I saw that night at home when I made myself come.

Cuffed Ch. 02



Unexpected

"I told you, the date was fine," I huffed as I picked apart my lunch. 

I met Lara between classes per her request—I regretted that decision. She wanted details from Friday night, and I would have rather had my fingernails pulled out, one by one, with rusty pliers. I didn't want to relive that flop of a date or the mediocre sex that followed; even more so, I did not want to end up slipping and providing information about the off-duty cop. 

After my Holden-induced orgasm Friday night, I knew I had to cut the cord with my thoughts toward the man. My wedding was in three months, and I was not going to see the engagement broken up over a whimsical feeling for a guy I'd never see again. 

Lara rolled her eyes. "You told me it was fine, yes, but you didn't tell me any details."

"Why do you even need them? I mean, you don't like David, or me being with him."

"True. I think he's a horrible match for you, but I still want to know if you had a good time."

I sighed. "It was the usual, Lara."

"And, the usual usually has you bored out of your mind."

"Yeah," I shrugged. 

I wished Lara was one of those friends I could lie to. I wish she were one of those friends that couldn't see past fake facial expressions, hidden meanings in words, or subtle shifts in demeanor. 

"So, who's the dude?"

"What dude?"

"The dude you met. There has to be one."

"There was no guy."

"You're lying. Stop lying to me."

I sighed. "I only said there was no guy because I'm not even thinking about Holden anymore."

"Oh, so this guy's name is Holden? What does Holden look like?"

"Green eyes, almost black hair, muscular, tall... Why does it even matter? It's not like I'm gonna see the man again."

She assessed me with tight eyes. "Maybe you should, Ken. I'm just saying," she threw her hands in front of her, seeing I was about to protest. "I'm sitting here looking at you, and it's crazy. You flip from forlorn to dreamy and back again. You have that glow about you. That's what you should have every day, Kennedy. You're not having that with David. I mean, you should've seen your face while talking about him. Again, forlorn. But when you talk about this, Holden, character..."

"You know David and I have little time for romance, Lara."

She sighed. "You can only make excuses for so long, Kennedy. Look, just think about it. Think about that glow in your heart and if you truly believe David can give you that. I'm not saying go off and date Holden on a whim, but marriage is a huge commitment. You should decide if that's something you want to make with David."

I held up my ring finger. "Obviously, it is a commitment I'm willing to make."

Lara stood up, hooking her bag over her shoulder. "No need to get bitchy. I'm just saying, you should think things over before going on with the wedding."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just messed up about it—Holden and my physical attraction to him...then he showed up in the dressing room. I—,"

"Holden in the what?" Lara shouted, making the entire restaurant look in our direction. I sent apologetic glances to the patrons as Lara hurried back into her seat. 

"I followed him around Kohl's and he knew, so he cornered me in the dressing room."

"You followed him?" Her eyes were wide with shock. "Why?"

I sighed, knowing lying was out of the question. "I felt drawn to him. Like a calling. Everything in me wanted more of him—my mind, my body. It was weird, like we were magnets fighting our way toward each other. Well, more like I was fighting my way toward him."

"What do you mean?"

"I was in my underwear and bra and he didn't even bat an eye." My voice sounded sour even to myself. 

"Maybe he was trying to be respectful. Well, as respectful as a man can be after barging into your dressing room."

I sighed and let my head fall into my waiting hands. 

"You like him," Lara said. 

"Does it matter? He's gone, and I'm engaged."

"Whatever's meant to be will be. I'm a strong believer in that."

That's what I was afraid of. I wasn't certain what was meant to be at this point. 

I grabbed my bag off the floor and stood. "Look, I have some portfolio work to do and stuff, so I'll catch up with you later."

I walked in the direction of the art studio, but somehow ended up at David's workplace, getting off the elevator, and striding to his office. My fist rapped on the door, and I waited. 

The door opened and there David stood. His brown hair was neatly combed, his shirt tucked in and tie in place. "Kennedy? What's going on?" he asked. 

"I just wanted to stop by," I shrugged. "I was having lunch with Lara then I was going to the studio but I didn't really feel like it, so I thought I'd say hi."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Well, hi. Come in, come in." He ushered me into his office and closed the door behind him. "I'm on a call, but I take my lunch after," he sat in his large, swivel chair. 

I nodded, not wanting to disrupt him. He was talking about a discrepancy in some records as I tip toed around the office. There were pictures of us on his desk, spanning from when we started dating all the way to just a couple nights ago when we went out for his birthday. The day I met Holden. 

No. Not this, again! Everything I did since last Friday turned back to Holden. I couldn't shake him. I didn't even know if I wanted to shake him. 

Of course you don't, my subconscious told me. Oh, yes I do, I argued back. Of course I wanted to shake Holden. His ring wasn't on my finger. I had to shake him and the spell he put on me.

David hung up the phone and turned toward me. "Did you want to go get some ice cream or something? I know you ate lunch with Lara already..."

"Actually, I was hoping we could have sex."

He did a double take as if he was checking it was me sitting on his couch. He scratched his head, looking mildly uncomfortable. "What?" 

Honestly, I did a mental double take, as well. What was I really doing there at David's office? I kept telling myself I wanted him, but the part of me that was keen on telling the truth said I was there to prove a point. I had to prove to myself that David and I were meant to be together. I had to prove I was imagining the chemistry between Holden and me. 

"Yeah. I was hoping we could have sex."

"Here? In my office?"

"Yeah. You scared?"

"No," he said, moving past me to lock the door. "It's just the middle of the day."

"And everybody will be gone for lunch," I shrugged. 

"Well, lay down, then," he said. 

I obliged. 

"And you're sure?"

"Yeah," I said. "It'll be hot."

He brought his lips to mine and we began to kiss. The kiss started as usual, delicate and chaste, before it built into a sensual blending of lips; but I wanted more. I gripped David's hair between my fingers as I tried to urge him deeper into the embrace but he was resistant. 

"Not too much, Kennedy," he warned around my lips before pulling away. I took that as an opportunity to kiss every exposed part of his skin: his face, his lips, his neck. 

"Is this too much?"

"No," he said. "I'm ready."

"Umm, okay. I'm still getting there," I said, noting the dryness between my legs. 

The brief sigh that left his mouth did not go unnoticed, but I decided to let it slide. "Lay back down," he instructed. 

I did as he said, and he removed the barriers surrounding the apex of my thighs. After a few swipes of his tongue, I was relaxed and growing more comfortable with each caress. My groans filled the room until David tapped my lips with his fingers. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to concentrate on watching my noise output and was cursed with a visual of Holden. 

My eyes snapped open. "I think I'm ready, now."

I could've sworn I heard David say "thank God," but that was a matter I did not want to explore. He released himself from his pants and eased into my warmth. The only sound that filled the room was his belt buckle clanging against itself. 

I prayed for the tryst to be over. All I could see was Holden's face and all I could feel was the emptiness David left with his thrusting. The sex was nothing more than a duty to him. A routine duty. Will it be like this when we're married? 

I caught him off guard, that's all it is, I told myself. 

A few more strokes ended his probing of my vagina, and he pulled out, coming into a napkin he had waiting. I drew my underwear and pants up and looked in the mirror. There wasn't much to straighten on myself except my shirt. 

"That was unexpected, but welcomed," David smiled. 

I nodded and forced a smile, fighting back tears. "Yeah. I should really go. I need to work on my portfolio and stuff, but I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Love you."

"Me too," I said, closing his office door. 

I cried all the way back to campus. 

Was it from the guilt I felt because Holden kept starring in any type of dream I had? Or was it guilt for not enjoying sex with David? I disregarded the last thought, knowing David did not enjoy most of the encounter, either—until he was getting pleasure, anyway. 

I found an empty spot on the quad and laid out my portfolio papers. I had to make sense of the drawings and pictures of paintings before me. I had to put them in some type of order, in a way where they'd escalate and tell a story; the only story I saw was David's and mine. The pictures started off vibrant—like our relationship—with differing subjects. I saw everything as beautiful during that first year. The art steadily digressed into monochromatic stills—things that lacked imagination. I huffed. "There's no way I'm turning this shit in." I stacked the uninspired drawings and photographs of my paintings into a pile before moving on to more recent works I'd started. "This is better," I nodded. The pictures reminded me of better days. Of love, happiness...hope...I started these after I met Holden.

"No."

How could such a transformation occur over one meeting? 

It was as if Holden was a hurricane. I was a neat little town—my buildings were quaint and orderly before the winds and waves of his masculinity tore through me. I was left a wreck. 

"Even more reason to forget about him," I said, filing my drawings back into their respective folders. 

When I dealt solely with David, I had a plan. Everything in my life was laid out in color-coded piles; all I had to do was follow the instructions. But Holden had to come into the same Kohl's as me, on the same day, at the same time...it was a conspiracy to break up a happy couple! Sure, we had our issues to resolve before we were married, but every couple has problems. 

This time, I have to leave Holden alone, for real, I told myself. If I think about him, I can't let it effect David and me. I can't let a man I talked to once dictate my relationship. 

I nodded, resolved within myself to get my life in order. I walked to my car with a brand new spring in my step. I started up the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. "And good riddance, Holden," I laughed... until I saw a police cruiser behind me. 

My heart raced and I cursed. Tension shot through my body and had me gripping the steering wheel hard enough I feared I would develop carpal tunnel. 

"All right. That is freaking it!" I huffed. 

I had barely made it off campus, and I was already set to return. The stress, tension, and anxiety I felt had to be dealt with, and there was only one acceptable way I knew how: the gym. I detested working out almost as much as Lara hated being the maid of honor in a wedding she didn't approve of, but it was the best option I had. The other option had me writhing on my bed, moaning a name that didn't belong to my fiancé. 

I dug through the trunk of my car in the hope of finding suitable workout attire. I was not left disappointed. Last summer, Lara and I attempted to train for a 5k and failed miserably; hence, the reason for finding running shoes and gym clothes where they, otherwise, wouldn't be. 

I tossed the clothes over my shoulder and sped walked into the gym where the doorman stopped me. I flashed my student ID and kept moving. Going to the gym, for me, was like ending up on a side of town I'd never ventured to before. I knew where nothing was, but was grateful for the signs that pointed me toward my goal. I found the bathroom and was able to change and toss my belongings into an empty locker. 

David showed me a circuit back in his workout phase, so I attempted to replicate it with some leg lifts on a machine followed by running a mile on the track. I spent some time on a thigh machine I couldn't name before deciding to cool down on the stationary bike. Amy Winehouse just started crooning in my ears about an unholy war when I sat down. I picked a workout from the bike's menu and was given a warning, telling me I was limited to twenty minutes on the machine. I shrugged, knowing I wouldn't need the entire time.

I was peddling for about ten minutes when I felt the presence of another person around me. I checked the timer on the corner of the machine's screen and kept pedaling. There were open machines all around, and if they really wanted this one, they would just have to wait. 

Or so I thought. 

There was a tap on my shoulder. I removed my ear buds and stopped pedaling. I turned to the right and was met by a set of green eyes—the same green eyes that helped me to orgasm last night.

"I knew we'd see each other again, Kennedy," he smiled. 

"Did you follow me here?" I asked, remembering the police cruiser I saw on the way to the gym.

He continued to smile. "No. I come here regularly."

"Great," I sighed, trying to look at anything that wasn't him.

"So," he said, sitting on the bike next to me, sweat making every surface of his body gleam, "what brings lady Kennedy here?"

I motioned to the bike. "Obviously, I came to work out."

"It looks like you did an okay job. You could be sweating a little more. I could give you a good work out."

Everything south of my waistline clenched. I played it off. "Right."

"No, really. I follow a routine used by almost every fit cop out there. It's intense, if you're looking for that."

"Why does how I work out even concern you?"

"This gym is expensive. I want you to get your money's worth," he shrugged. 

"I'm a student, so it's built into tuition. Of course, I'll have to pay it back later when I make all the big bucks," I rolled my eyes.

"Ahh. So, you're a student here at Illinois State? I love learning new things."

I couldn't help but smile at the gleam in his eyes. "So, you caught me. I'm a student here. What are you doing here? I doubt you take classes."

"I don't. I just enjoy this gym a lot better than the others. It's like I have to get into a pissing contest with the guys at the other places—older men in the midst of their midlife crises." He shook his head. "They want to impress their younger counterparts so they try to act tougher than what they are."

"I have to say, I don't know the type," I chuckled. 

"And she laughs!" Holden threw his hands up before motioning to me. "Look, people! She laughs!"

"Shut up, Holden." The way his name rolled off my tongue sent chills over my spine. 

"Only if you agree to let me buy you a drink."

I flinched. "I don't drink."

"I meant from downstairs. There's a Jamba Juice down there." 

"I don't know," I said, getting up from the bike. My brain didn't know, but my body was sure it wanted more than a drink. 

"Are you done working out?"

"I am now."

"Well, then, humor me. It'll only take a second."

"I, somehow, doubt that."

"It's on your way out...and mine."

I went with my body. "One drink," I said, grabbing my iPod and shoving it into the pocket in my shorts. 

Holden's answering smile made my head lighter. "After you, Kennedy," he motioned grandly toward the stairs. 

I shook my head, a smile still plastered on my face. 

If I were being honest, I would say I was enjoying my time with Holden. He made me laugh and forget the stresses of senior year, job-hunting, and my portfolio. It helped that he seemed to enjoy himself, too. 

"So, you been stalking any other men recently?" He had a devilish smile on his face as his eyes danced. He enjoyed seeing me uncomfortable. 

"Ha, ha," I rolled my eyes. "No, actually. I've been keeping to myself. I have my portfolio due real soon, so I've been busy working on that."

"A portfolio? So, you're an artist, or something of the like?" he asked before taking a sip from his cup. The way his lips formed around the straw made my flesh heat. 

"I guess you could say that."

"So, you're an art major," he deduced. "What do you want to do with that degree?"

"Become an art teacher at my old high school."

"Most people never want to return to their high school and here you are, spending all this time and money to go back. Why?" The way he cocked his head to the side while assessing me led me to believe he held a genuine interest in my life. It made me spill my guts.

"I think it started when the art room went through extensive renovations during my senior year. They wanted to turn it into a doctor's office...all cold and clinical... as opposed to a room to inspire creativity. For our last project of the year, we had to pick a door to paint before it was to be removed. They were tearing everything apart, so we actually got to keep the doors. I still have mine." I sighed before continuing. "I loved and hated the project. I loved the fact we could paint whatever we wanted, and on furniture nonetheless; but I hated it because it was like we were saying goodbye to the arts at Bloomington High School. Then I heard my favorite teacher—whose passion for art and creativity was beyond comprehension— was retiring. I knew someone had to step up."

I looked up from the beverage to see Holden staring intently into my eyes. It prompted me to continue. 

"There are better artists out there than me, but they're off chasing dreams in graphic design, animation, and other things. My passion is to teach the next generation of artists how to explore their craft— how to appreciate and how to create art. They don't need another wrestling coach teaching art class. They need someone who lives and breathes art. This isn't just a part time gig to get money for drinking on the weekends. This is the air I breathe—the food I eat," I shrugged. "Art is life. For me, anyway."

"Such passion. Such drive." Holden stood and clapped, making my cheeks heat. "That high school would be lucky to have you. I don't know much about art, but you make me want to learn more. Inspiring, really." When I didn't respond, he continued. "So, where does the Ring Giver fit into all of this?"

"The what?"

"The guy that gave you that." He pointed to my engagement ring. 

My good mood started to trickle away. I didn't want to talk about David at that moment—not just because of the bogus sex we had that afternoon; but, because I was enjoying myself. My time with Holden had caused me to forget about the office tryst and the negative emotions that plagued me for the afternoon. Holden elicited my first smile for the day, and now he was sending me back to Frownsville. 

"He's happy if I'm happy," I muttered.

"That sounds like a lie."

Tension crept up my back and through my neck to my shoulders. "Whatever."

"So, what's he like?"

My eyes tightened as I cocked my head to the side. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes and no. I just want to know what would make you call him your boyfriend back in Kohl's when you have that globe sitting on your hand."

"It was a momentary brain fart due to you catching me off guard."

"So, you love this man, then?"

I exhaled harshly. "I cannot even believe you just asked me that. I've talked to you all of twice and you're hounding me for information about my fiancé. That's rude."

He contemplated this. "Probably. So, what's his name?"




Cuffed Ch. 02



He was adamant, I'd give him that. "Okay, I'm leaving."

"Wait. Kennedy. Don't go."

The plea in his voice pierced me, but I couldn't stay any longer. "I really have to go anyway. Thanks for the drink," I said before leaving the gym. 

I tried not to allow myself to think for the rest of the night. When I arrived to my apartment, I showered, played with my dog some, and called it a night. My dreams, however, were not something I could control. I dreamt of muscle shirts and green eyes.



Cuffed Ch. 03



Gone

"He showed up at the gym! And you were actually at the gym, too?" Lara's shock was evident on her face. 

"Is it that surprising I went to the gym?"

"Well, yes. But man, to see him there—that's fate."

I shook my head. "So, do you think I overreacted?"

"About what?"

"Him giving me the third degree about David. I was right to not tell him anything, right?"

"I don't know. Did he seem genuinely curious, or was he being a douche?" 

"I think a little of both."

"He was sizing up the competition, Kennie. I bet that's what he was doing."

"It's just that our conversation was going so well until he brought David up."

"So, you enjoyed yourself then?"

"It was nice to talk about my life for a change. He seemed really interested in my career goals. But, as I've said before, it doesn't matter. I'm with David and we're getting married."

"Maybe you should have a talk with David about your career and see where that gets you. Last thing I heard, he hates the idea of you becoming an art teacher."

I didn't respond. 

"Holden seems like a nice guy. I wouldn't rule him out just yet."

"I have to. I'm in a relationship and engaged to be married, Lara."

"But no one is making you get married, Kennedy. Well, except maybe your mother."

"You'd think she was the one getting married."

"In her mind, maybe she is."

"That's probably true. This is awful."

"It's only awful because you're making it that way, girl. Test the waters and see how Holden is as opposed to David. You don't want to be five years into marriage and realize you don't want him anymore."

"But how can I test the waters and not cheat?"

"I know you may not want to hear this, but you may have to take a break from David."

"A break?" I scoffed. "Yeah. That's gonna go over well. 'Hey David, honey, I want to take a break because I'm questioning our relationship.' Yeah, he'll definitely go for that."

"It's not just about him, you know. You have to make sure you're making the right decision for you. He needs to do the same for himself, too."

Lara was right—as usual—which prompted me to ask David to go out to dinner with me Saturday night. I made sure it was informal and there were no plans afterward. I just wanted us to sit down and talk. Having a real conversation was rare when it came to our relationship, but I knew it would help put our lives and relationship into perspective. 

Since David's birthday, a rift had begun to separate us even more—which was the opposite effect the date was supposed to have. I wanted us to bond and grow closer than ever as the wedding drew nearer, but it just wasn't happening. I had no intention of ending, or even pausing, things with David; but, I couldn't let the relationship continue on the track it was going or we'd derail, crash, and burn.

I primped for the dinner, even though we were going to a fast food restaurant. "Look good, feel good," I sighed before applying my red lipstick. I smacked my lips together. "And get good results." I didn't want to fuss or fight with David, so I'd have to choose my words with care to get the positive outcome I desired. 

Inspiration was the word for the night. I wanted to inspire David to be more involved in the relationship. I wanted to inspire stronger feelings to develop between us because if they didn't, I had no clue where we'd end up.

The dinner started off slowly; he greeted me, we ordered, and engaged in small talk.

"I feel like I've barely heard form you this week," David said. "Except for that day in my office."

"Yeah...I've been cramming my free time with studio sessions and helping students at the high school and stuff like that," I shrugged. 

David nodded. "So...Steak 'n' Shake for dinner? Interesting choice. You know we could've went to the Olive Garden or something."

"I like the shakes here."

The small talk annoyed me. My mission was set in stone, but getting there was becoming a hardship. I listened to David talk about work and tried to seem interested, but numbers did little for me. When David was quiet, I jumped at the opportunity to speak. 

"So, you said you hadn't heard much from me this week. Am I wrong to deduce that you missed me?" I did my best to bat my eyelashes and look flirty. I hoped I didn't look constipated. 

"Yeah. Sure."

"Well, maybe we could spend more time together. Like, we could watch movies at your place, or we could take Bentley for walks out at the park."

"That sounds good."

I felt the date slipping away from me before I could even get a firm grasp on it. "I just want us to grow closer, you know? I want us to spend as much time together as possible before the wedding."

David smirked. "We haven't spent time together? We've been together for four years, Kennedy," he shook his head, signaling my temper. 

I took a deep breath to calm myself. Maybe I'm not being direct enough, I thought as I sipped my milkshake. David was never one to take hints, so I jumped, head first, into the deep.

"What do you think about our relationship, David?"

He did a double take before answering. "Um, well...I'm not certain what you mean."

"Like, how do you think it's going? Do you think we're doing well?"

"Yeah," he shrugged and shook his head. "Why wouldn't we be?" 

I drug myself out of the water and plunged in again. "Do you ever think twice about us getting married?"

He set his drink down, his jaw line going rigid. "Why would I?" His facial expression was one I'd seen many times on his face. He was confused, and confusion made him angry...and, sometimes, anger made him into a different person.

I tried to soften my voice as I spoke. "I just wonder if you ever think it's the best thing... for you. Like, am I the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with?"

"Of course. I don't know why you would even ask that."

"I've just been thinking a lot. And Lara has been telling me about her parents' divorce. I want to have one marriage; you know?"

He crossed his hands under his chin, his eyes piercing mine. "Are you rethinking the marriage?"

Yes. "No. I just want to make sure you're sure."

"You're lying to me. Don't lie to me, Kennedy. Why are you rethinking this?"

"I just don't want us to get into a marriage and find out later that we're totally incompatible."

"Would you like to go to premarital counseling? What? I'm just not getting this at all."

"I don't know, I just...I just think—,"

"Just spit it out, Kennedy."

"I've asked you for your opinion of our relationship and you were kinda blowing it off. You do that a lot, actually. I think we need to discuss some things before we continue with any more wedding planning."

"What opinion is there to have, Kennedy? I—," David and I leaned backward as the server set our food down without a word. The tension from our table was probably palpable. David waited for her to leave before he spoke again. "Of course we should get married. We've been together long enough. Come on...don't be stupid."

I laughed derisively and leaned further back into my chair. "Stupid? I'm being stupid because I want to make sure you're in love with me before we get married? I'm stupid because I want our relationship to strengthen before we jump into a lifetime commitment?"

"I think you're stupid for letting Lara cloud your judgment. You know she doesn't like me, anyway. Of course she's going to tell you about her parents' awful divorce to scare you into breaking up with me."

"I didn't come here to break up with you. I came to talk about the gap I feel in our relationship."

"You must be the only one in this relationship, then. I don't feel any gap. Sure, we live separate lives, but at the end of the day, we're together."

"It shouldn't be that way." I crossed my arms and looked out the window. Cars zoomed past the darkened street, but I couldn't look at them. They all were going somewhere; they had a final destination set—unlike this conversation. Unlike this relationship. I shook my head. "Look, I've told you how I felt. I want us to be closer. I still have little insight as to what it is you want from this relationship."

"This is beyond ridiculous, Kennedy! I don't feel any specific way! Since you're the one with all the feelings, maybe you should make all the decisions!"

"Fine. I want us to take a break." I said before I could stop myself. I looked down at the table and forced myself to continue. "We need to chill and reanalyze our motives and desires for marriage. I'm not saying this is permanent, but, after tonight, I think it needs to happen."

I looked back up at him as he stared at me, his eyes growing harder by the second. "No." I tried not to shrink back into my chair, but I knew what happened next. It was too late to stand down, though. And I didn't want to. 

Where had I been for the last two years? Why was I still holding on to David? It was clear he didn't see anything wrong with our relationship. Not to mention, he thought we should get married just because we were together for four years. Time means little in the grand scheme of things. A couple could be together for fifty years and still be incompatible. That's what we were...incompatible. I was an artist; he was an accountant. He liked dinner and movies for dates while I liked taking walks in the park before going paintballing. Why did I ignore it for so long?

I crossed my arms. "What do you mean, 'no'?"

"I mean, no, we're not taking a break. If there's something you're unsure about then we work through it together. You're not getting out of this."

"David, like I told you earlier, I never was trying to get out of anything. I just think we should cool it down."

"Says the girl that basically raped me in my office."

My fingers drummed along the table as I took a deep breath. He was about to cross the invisible line we set up so long ago."You're getting angry and you're about to make things worse, David. I'm leaving."

I rose from the table and walked to the counter to pay for my food. David was on my trail as I left the restaurant. 

"Where the fuck are you going?"

I whipped around and faced him. "Don't you ever part your lips and curse at me, David Bauchman." I turned back in the direction of my car but his hand was on my arm, dragging me toward where he parked. 

Not again! No! I struggled against his hold. 

"You're not going anywhere until we work this out."

"David. You're hurting me. Let me go."

He shook my arm, making my entire frame rattle. "No! You need to listen to me!"

I closed my eyes fighting David's angry face as well as my father's. His words from my childhood ringing loud and clear in my ears. "You go lay down, or you're next! Go on, get out of here!" he would say before slamming the door in my face. 

Tears ran down my cheeks and I tried to push the thoughts away. Holden, I cried in my head. Holden! Holden! 

"Is there a problem out here?"

Relief flooded through me as the manager from the restaurant stepped outside. He had a phone in his hand as if he were preparing to dial a number. 

"Everything is fine," I said through my shaking voice. "I was just leaving," I said, snatching my arm from David and speed walking to my car. I made haste in my pursuit to get in and drive off. 

As expected, my phone rang the entire way to my place. I ignored it. 

"Bentley, we're going for a ride," I called into the apartment. The big, gray dog came jogging out of the bedroom, his ears flopping against his head. "Yep, let's go," I said, attaching his leash to his collar. 

I knew it was only a matter of time before David showed up at my place, and I did not want to see him. "Darn," I muttered, realizing—again—it was not a wise decision to have given him a key to my apartment. 

The desk clerk at the Holiday Inn eyed my dog with barely concealed fear and chagrin, but I let it go. My worries went beyond a silly girl behind a desk—my fiancé was physical with me, and cursed at me in public. That was the line we drew so long ago. David knew how I felt about couples cursing at each other, but he went ahead and did it anyway. When he was angry, he had no concept of boundaries. 

I took a shower to help unwind, but it did little to relax me—especially when I saw the bruise David's hand left on my arm. My muscles were still tight when I climbed into the bed and through most of the night as I tossed and turned. 

"Will this stupid phone ever quit ringing?" I huffed as I threw my legs over the side of the bed and trudged to the bathroom where I left the device. The name on the caller ID startled me. "Mom?"

"Where are you, Kennedy?"

"Why?"

"David is worried sick! He said you two got into a fight at dinner and he went to sort things out with you, but you weren't at home and Bentley was gone too. Why are you trying to break up with him?"

I sighed and clenched my eyes shut. "Mom, this is really none of your business."

"It is when David calls me crying! Now, I want you to go to his place or tell him where you are so you two can make this work."

"Mom, did he even tell you what happened?"

"He said you were trying to break things off with him and you stormed off."

I exhaled harshly. "Is that what David said? Well, he lied. He cursed at me, grabbed my arm, and shook me in the Steak 'n' Shake parking lot, Mother."

Silence followed. My mom knew better than anyone how I hated physical violence and verbal altercations, so she had to see my point. She had to see I was nowhere near being in the wrong. 

"But, honey, can't you see that's his way of trying to keep you? He doesn't want you to leave him, Kennedy. He may have shown it in the wrong way, but let him learn from his mistakes. Don't end things with him."

"I'm stunned right now. I really am, Mom. I told you my fiancé was verbally and physically abusive to me and you tell me to try and make it work. Both you and David have lost your minds. There is a certain point where I have to draw the line, and this is it."

"Don't be silly, Kennedy."

"You know what? Why don't you take my place at the altar and marry the asshole? Goodbye, Mom." I tapped the "end" button and powered down my phone before hearty sobs racked through my body.



Cuffed Ch. 04



Dinner

David called almost non-stop for days, and I still didn't answer. He continued to text me, too, but I refrained from having any contact with him. I really needed to look into changing my number. 

As much as I wanted to continue my stay at the hotel, I had to go home. I couldn't afford to be holed up in a king suite for weeks on end, so I called my apartment complex and had them change the locks. 

"And it serves the bastard right!" Lara said after I told her about the lock switching. "I'm still pissed you didn't tell me right away about him grabbing you, but I can get over that. What I can't get over is him putting his hands on you."

"It's not like he punched me in the face, Lara. But still, it was a line we drew toward the beginning of the relationship and he crossed it. I could've let the cursing go, but not the physicality." 

Truth be told, this was not the only time David had been physical with me when things didn't go his way. He apologized for weeks until I caved and took him back, but I said if he ever got physical with me again, we were done for good. 

"I get it, Kennie. I do," she said, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "Do you think he's been back since? To your apartment, I mean."

"Yeah. I heard the lock jiggling the other night like he was trying to get in."

"Do you think you need to move? You know you're more than welcome to crash with me."

"I think he'll give up after a while."

"Well, if you need anything, I'm here for you. Just let me know," she gave me a hug before walking in the direction of her class. 

I walked with fervor toward the art studio. I knew I would find my release there amongst the canvas and smell of oil paints. 

I donned my smock and pulled an empty canvas from my stockpile. Music flooded my ears and paraded around my head as color swallowed the white canvas. This painting had no plan or motive other than to be a somewhat cheap form of therapy. 

Somewhere in my three-hour therapy session, I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, but they weren't tears for David or my botched relationship...they were from the pain my mother inflicted the night of the fight. The burn of betrayal from my mother was like rubbing alcohol seeping into a paper cut. How could I ever forgive her? Would I ever forgive her? Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew she meant well, but our combined past haunted us in ways we still attempted to decipher. 

I wiped my tears and placed my brush on my easel. I turned around only to run into a hard body. 

"Ouch! Come on!"

I removed my ear buds and looked into a pair of green eyes. I breathed in deeply, and let out a sigh that sounded like one of relief. My muscles loosened as a smile lit Holden's face. "Has anyone ever told you that you paint angrily?"

"How did you know where I was?"

"Do we always have to play '21 Questions' when we see each other?"

"Did you not just ask me another question?"

He rubbed his chin. "Touché. Now, back to you painting angrily."

"I just felt it today, okay?" I said, moving around him. "I see you chose to wear your uniform today. Not doing any P.I. stuff today, Magnum?"

"Har, har."

"Really. Why are you here?"

"I came to take you to dinner."

"At 3PM? Is there a senior citizen special somewhere tonight?"

"You are just so full of venom today. I can't say I don't like it. I've always loved a woman with sass. So, dinner at my place tonight, yeah?"

"Holden," saying his name still sent shivers up my spine, "I can't go out with you."

"Why?" he lifted my left hand and ran his thumb along the line where my engagement ring used to sit. "You're obviously single."

"Nothing has been decided yet, actually."

"So on an off day you just take off that fancy ring?"

"I'm not really trying to talk about that right now."

"Good. Me either. I came to talk about you coming to my place for dinner."

I sighed as I hung the stained smock over my easel. "Things are complicated right now, Holden. I don't want you to be involved in that."

"Any other excuses? Look Kennedy," he took my hand as we walked out of the studio, "I'm not taking no for an answer. Really. Please, just come to dinner. I'm not leaving until you say yes."

I sighed. "I can see that," I said, watching as sets of eyes darted to and from where Holden and I interacted. "Fine. I'll come to dinner, but only because you're embarrassing me in front of my peers." I huffed in frustration. "Do you even cook? Or are you going to be one of those guys that orders take out and puts it in fancy bowls?"

"Oh, honey, I cook." 

"And you're cocky. I hope you burn everything so we have to eat out."

"The only thing I've ever burned in the kitchen is my finger. Now, let's go. We have to go to the store."

"We're going grocery shopping, too?" I rolled my eyes. 

"I'll pick you up at your place in an hour," he said, releasing my hand. 

"And what if I have other classes today?"

"You don't. See you in an hour," he called over his shoulder as he walked away.

He was on time. 

I swung the door open and was rewarded with a lazy grin. I ushered him inside, trying not to gawk at his worldly appearance. He wore his cop uniform well, but the way his civilian clothes hugged his muscles set my body ablaze. Black was a color he wore well.

"How'd you know where I live?"

"I'm a cop."

"All right then, Cop. Let's go," I grabbed my satchel off the couch and bid Bentley farewell.

We ambled about the store, engaging in small talk—which I enjoyed. He regaled me with the details from his day; he gave a few speeding tickets, chased some truant minors out of the mall, and followed some case leads. Holden seemed genuinely interested in my day, as he always had. He asked questions about my students and how classes were fairing; all the while, I was eyeing the ingredients he threw into the cart in my attempt to guess what he planned to prepare. When we arrived to his house, I still hadn't come up with a recipe that could involve what he had purchased.

"Come on! You have to give me some sort of hint," I whined as I leaned over the counter to look into the pots and pans bubbling on the stove.

"I sure don't. I'm the chef here. Just sit back and relax."

It wasn't a hard command to follow. Everything in Holden's house screamed comfort—the poufy, gray couch; the matching recliner...even the color scheme relaxed me. The pale blue, gray, and cream brought me back to the time I went out east to the ocean—with David. The ocean was beautiful; my company was not. My time apart from David aided me in seeing the truth in that statement, among other things. 

Being separated from David was like taking a step back from a masterpiece at an art gallery to look at the entire picture. When looking at certain details, it's easy to miss the overall message—David and I were not compatible. We were not made for each other, and our marriage would have been miserable. 

I fought for David during the last two years of our relationship when things went south, but I should have heeded the warning signs. I should have listened to Lara. I should have believed more in myself. 

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Holden asked, setting a plate in front of me.

"Nothing much."

"You lie like a child that's already been caught with their hand caught in the cookie jar."

I laughed. "An interesting analogy."

"An interesting evasive tactic."

"I don't see it as fair that you know so much about me, but I know very little about you."

He smirked. "All right, fine. We'll play your game. What do you want to know?"

"A last name would be nice, for starters." 

"Dillingham."

"Holden Dillingham, Bloomington PD. How official. How did you get into the force?"

"I always wanted to be a cop. I like helping the good citizens of Bloomington, Illinois. Fighting crime is my thing. Protect and serve."

"Do you joke all the time? It's like you have a permanent smirk on your face." 

"I do joke a lot. It runs in the family, actually. I can be serious when the time calls for it, but I doubt we have to break out the frowns right now. Unless you're going to disappear into your thoughts again."

"Hopefully not."

"Were you thinking about him?"

I sighed. "Was it that obvious?"

"The frown you wore was the same as every other time you talked about the Ring Giver. I'm glad you took that ring off if he made you that unhappy."

"It was more than just a removal of jewelry." I picked up my fork and took a bite of the food Holden prepared. It made my mouth water. "God! Who knew meatballs could be this good? What all did you put in this?"

"It's a secret," he grinned. 

"One that you'll take to the grave?"

"Only people in my family know it, so yes. It'll be tucked into the breast pocket of my death suit."

"I could tug it out, you know."

"You'd fondle a dead guy just to nab a recipe? Have you no shame?" he made a face of mock horror. 

"It wouldn't be fondling. I would be quick. In and out."

"I somehow doubt that," he said, a familiar glint in his eyes. It was the same look he gave when we discussed his handcuffs; and it still made my blood boil and my stomach clench. 

We finished dinner and continued to poke at each other. Holden took our plates to the sink, rinsed them, and turned to face me. "Dessert?" 

"Are you going to whip something else up, Chef Boyardee?"

He laughed. "Do you have a nickname for everything I do? Magnum, Sherlock, and now this?" He brought a cheesecake out of the refrigerator and set it on the table. 

"You made this?"

"Last night. The flavor is better when you let it sit."

"And you somehow knew strawberry is my favorite flavor? Is that one of your cop duties, too?"

"No. I'm just observant. You had a strawberry smoothie at the gym the other day. Your hair has a faint strawberry scent. Your cheeks turn the color of strawberries when you're embarrassed. And now you're wondering if the Ring Giver was ever that observant. My guess is, no; otherwise, you'd be with him and not me."

"You're cocky, you know that?"

"Oh, you have no idea chick," he said, flipping a knife around in an elaborate fashion. 

"Show off."

"Impressed?"

"Maybe."

He smiled lazily and cut the cheesecake. I waited for him to stop looking at me before I took a bite. Every morsel that hit my tongue brought me a step closer to heaven. 

"Good?"

I nodded.

"I can tell," he said, wiping a stray crumb from my face. The act sent shivers down my spine. I looked up and our eyes locked, causing heat to flood my body. His lips barely parted, but I managed to make out what he said: "God, I want you in my bed."

I gasped. Sure, I was shocked that a confession of such proportions had come from the lips of one of Bloomington's finest; but I gasped more out of the effect his words had on me. If I wasn't wet before, my underwear became drenched. I squirmed on the barstool, the apex of my thighs aching. 

"Arousal's never felt so good, has it?" he said before taking my lips between his. The kiss was far from chaste. He devoured me, and I let him. His hands wove themselves into my hair as he leaned me against the counter. His hands released my hair and trailed from my neck to my hip and down to my calf. With a tug, he hitched my legs around his waist. "Arms," he instructed. I complied and he carried me to the couch. 

"Holden."

Our eyes met, my winter sky to his sage. "Kennedy."

The way my name flowed from his lips had me tugging on his shirt, bringing him closer to me. I was unsure how long our tongues and lips danced and collided; it felt like forever, but also like a brief second. The temperature rose in the room, so I broke the kiss and pulled my sweater over my head. I was leaning toward my prize again when Holden stopped me.

"Did he do this to you?"

It took me a moment to piece together what he was saying due to the cloud of arousal swarming through my brain. "Do what?"

Holden lifted me onto his lap in one fluid motion and stroked my left arm. "This. This bruise on your arm."

Cop sight. "Off the record?"

"If that's what it takes to get you to talk."

"Then, yes."

Holden closed his eyes, his jaw held tight. 

"That's why I took the ring off." 

"You should have done more than that, Kennedy."

"I was kinda in shock. My fiancé had just cursed at me and then grabbed me—in a public place, mind you. My focus was on getting out of there." 

"You should have pressed charges. Look at this thing!"

"It honestly looked worse a couple days ago." Which was true. Even as a painter, I had never seen such shades of blue and purple before the bruise showed up on my arm. The contusion had started to yellow and not look so angry now, but it did little to settle Holden.

"Yeah, I'm sure it did."

"Look. Can we just not talk about it? What's done is done." 

"Is it done, Kennedy? Because you weren't so sure earlier. Please tell me you're sure now." When I didn't answer he called my name more sternly. "Kennedy. You shouldn't be with someone willing to do this to you."

"There's just so much going on right now. I have my classes, the studio, my students. I can't even think straight sometimes. I don't want to have to deal with this, too."

"I'm gonna need you to think straight on this one."

I climbed off Holden's lap and grabbed my sweater from the floor. The date was over, and I knew it. I pulled the sweater over my head before answering. "Why is it so important to you? Because you want to make sure I'm single for real before you drag me off to your bed like a caveman?"

Holden laughed without humor. "Really, Kennedy? Is that what you think? Of all the nonsense—no. That's not why. I need you to be done with him because he has anger issues he needs to work out. I couldn't tell you the number of cases I've had that involve domestic violence, and many of them are repeat offenders. I don't want that for you."

"You don't even know me. How could you want anything for me?"

Holden sighed deeply and stood up. He towered over me, but he wasn't imposing. I'm sure he could be both daunting and threatening when the time called for it; but, as he looked down at me, his facial features grew softer. "I know enough about you to care, Kennedy. Come on, I'll take you home."

I didn't argue because I didn't want to stay any longer. He handed me my satchel and we left the house. The ride to my place was filled with a silence I wasn't use to. The type of quiet I expected was heavy with tension and anger, but instead it was filled with worry and concern. 

Everything within me wanted to tell Holden I was prepared to end it with David, but that was not yet true. I wanted to end it with David; I knew I should end it with him, but I couldn't. I wanted to utter the words at Steak 'n' Shake the other night when everything went downhill, but they wouldn't leave my mouth.

I told Holden "goodnight" and thanked him for dinner before throwing myself into bed. Tears ran down my face and onto my pillow.



Cuffed Ch. 05



Hey there guys!

Here is the long awaited fifth chapter of "Cuffed"! Let me just say: this thing was a BOOGER to write and edit! Between this chapter, moving into a new house, my other stories, and the holidays, I didn't know if I'd ever get it done; but, here it is! 

For all of my fans that have emailed me about this story and the others: you guys are the best. You add fuel to my, sometimes, nonexistent fire and urge me to continue when I don't even think I can. I love you guys and your dedication to my work 

For being so faithful to this story, I give you a bit of myself... a bit of Cracked Chaos truth: this story is based (loosely in some areas, largely in others) off my life. I know I have a reader who says the story of Holden and Kennedy is basically his life on screen; to him I say: "Dude. We have much in common!" I was Kennedy, minus the hot cop and abusive ex. I dated the boring accountant. We were, indeed, engaged to be married. I knew I shouldn't have stayed with him, but I did. Thankfully, we did not get married. I am, now, happily married. Not to a cop, but a cop did inspire this story. If any of you are at all interested, I was thinking of documenting that particular experience in a short story on here. Let me know what you think. ;)

Until we talk again, 

Happy reading, lovelies 

[[CC]]

*****

Chapter Five: Done

"I'm still confused," Lara shook her head. "I just don't get how you could've ruined things with Holden."

I'm not sure how many times I answered this question, but it looked like I would have to once more. I sighed. "He'll never see me as anything but a weak, little girl because I can't break ties with my abusive fiancé."

"What do you mean, 'you can't break ties'? You haven't talked to David in, like, two weeks. You don't wear his ring anymore."

"Well, I haven't talked to Holden, either." And the act was borderline masochistic. 

I'd never desired someone's company like I did Holden's; I missed him fiercely, but I knew I needed space. Holden overwhelmed me. His intensity drowned me and I needed my head above water. My goal was to make decisions based off fact and reality, not a fluttery stomach and overactive libido. 

My mind was rational, but my heart and body had other plans. 

I asserted my need to take a break from all things Holden, but I never stopped looking for him. Most days, I waited for him to randomly "pop up" and whisk me away to another home cooked meal—no such luck. Even today as I arrived at the library to study with Lara, I searched for his police cruiser as I walked through the parking lot; again, no such luck. After the first hour of pretending to study, I stopped hoping he'd show up. 

Lara brought me out of my internal brooding. "That doesn't mean he's done with you, Kennie. Maybe he's giving you time to make a decision. Besides, I was under the impression you two never started."

"I can't be with Holden if I'm involved with someone else, Lara. It's not right."

Lara rolled her eyes. "But you made out with the guy in his kitchen...and on his couch. I'd venture to say that's getting involved with someone else."

I hadn't forgotten that night—my first date with Holden; most nights I woke in a sweat, the apex of my thighs throbbing because I remembered too well. I shook my head. "Give it a rest, Lara."

"Fine. I'm just saying, you already went for it. You might as well take the plunge, unless you're still holding on to David...for some unfathomable reason."

"This isn't just a decision between David and Holden. This is about my family and his family—there's so much history there. We were planning our wedding. My entire future is going to change based on what I decide."

"Your entire future is gonna change, but is that necessarily a bad thing? At the end of the day, you have to be comfortable with the choice you're making. Can you live with yourself every day knowing you married a man that mirrors your father?"

I cringed. Just the mentioning of my dad brought back memories I fought to suppress—the shouting, the sound of glass shattering...the smell of strong liquor...my sister's screams.

Lara's tone softened. "Being harsh isn't my goal. I just want you to think about yourself for once. You've always only thought about others. Make this your time to find out what you want."

Lara made it sound easy, but I had no experience with focusing on myself. I had real responsibilities growing up. When I was younger, my attention was on my little sister, Maitlynn, and her needs; then there were my mother's needs. I tried to be a support for her by staying out of trouble and watching Maitlynn whenever she needed to work late or when she just wanted a ladies' night out, often foregoing outings of my own. I did not hold a grudge over it; as my sister says, "it just is what it is." 

I sighed. "I see the necessity, but I don't know how to get there. It's like knowing the answer to a math equation, but having no clue how to actually solve the problem." 

Lara reached across the table, weaving her hand through our stacks of books and cups of coffee to grab mine. "You've already started. You're graduating college soon; you're going to snag your dream job. Just take it a step further. Be with whoever makes your heart glow."

"So, be with Holden. That's what you're telling me."

She shook her head, her brown waves drifting as if the wind had caught them. "Not exactly. I'm telling you to be with who makes you happy. If that's neither guy, then we'll go on a manhunt together. Do what makes you happy. If you want to shave your head and have a Britney Spears meltdown, do it! With all you've gone through, you deserve more than what you're allowing yourself to enjoy. Now, wipe those tears and let's get some studying done."

I used my sleeve to dry the tears I didn't know had fallen. "You know what? I think I'm gonna hit the gym." I rose from the table and packed my things. 

Lara smiled at me. "Is that what makes you happy?"

"Not really. I hate going, but a harder body will make me happy. Catch you later."

"Those tresses better be drenched with sweat when you leave, Goldilocks," Lara teased. 

To jumpstart my workout, I ran from Milner Library to the gym. I panted and wheezed as I flashed my student ID at the entrance. I hated running.

"You sure you even need gym time?" the guy behind the desk asked, taking in my appearance. "You look worn out already."

"I'll be done when I can't walk."

He seemed impressed. "Training hard. I approve."

Of course, he approved. He looked like he exercised in every second of his spare time. His deep, cocoa skin stretched over bulging biceps; his shirt looked like it would rip in half if he flexed his chest muscles. 

He handed my student ID back. "Think about working upper body today. Your legs look like they need a break."

"That's the plan," I muttered, making a beeline for the locker rooms. I threw my belongings into one of the familiar gray lockers and made my way to the weights. 

I pushed and pulled for hours, sweat stinging my eyes and soaking my clothes. I needed it. The physical exhaustion was what my body craved ever since the fight with David. My emotions were pent up in my muscles, in my very joints and tissues, waiting to be released. 

My muscles were busy, but my mind would not stray from the decision ahead of me. Was I really going to leave David after four years of dating? Did I have the gall? All I had to do was utter the words; but what would happen after I said what I needed to? Would everything go back to normal? Would life make a drastic turnaround? 

The questions swarmed around my head like bees in their hive, propelling me toward machines and free weights that I'd never used a day in my life. Yes, my body would be sore in the morning, but I hoped my heart wouldn't follow suit. 

~

I woke to the smell of breakfast. Based off the differing aromas, a hearty meal awaited me. The problem with that was, Lara and I were the only people with keys to the apartment and she was out of town for the weekend. 

I rolled out of bed and crept up the hall with caution. "Hello?" I called while rounding the corner.

"That's how you greet men that show up in your apartment? Thankfully it's just me as opposed to a serial rapist." Holden's voice reached me, making my heart jump into my throat. 

I took a few steadying breaths before responding. "Well, I've never had men just showing up in my apartment, actually," I said, limping to the dining room table. Bentley left Holden's side, catching me before I could sit down. He jumped into our "hug" position, eliciting a smile from me as I wrapped my arms around him. "I figured anyone cooking me breakfast wouldn't be here to hurt me."

"You'd be surprised," Holden said, stirring the contents of a frying pan. When he finished, he turned around to face me. I drank him in.

Had it only been two weeks since we'd seen, or heard from, each other? 

His dark hair was a bit longer than before, and today he was sporting an edgy bit of stubble. I approved. The contrast of his edgy face and hair in relation to his white shirt and artfully faded blue jeans made him look like a rogue angel. I busied myself with Bentley in order to keep from gawking, but it didn't help much. 

His eyes appraised me. "Why are you so sore?" There was an accusation in his voice.

I rolled my eyes. "Twenty questions again?"

"Are you avoiding my question?"

"What's it matter?"

He sighed. "Truce. You're limping."

"Went for a run and hit the gym last night."

I caught the relief in his eyes before he turned back toward the stove.

I was unsure what he thought I was up to last night, but I figured it had something to do with me and David. I had to change the subject. "So, how'd you get in?" 

"I'm a cop," he laughed. "I flashed my badge and your good, old landlord let me in."

"Isn't that considered abusing your authority? You can't just flash your badge everywhere and get your way."

"I only do it for you." My heart warmed at his declaration. 

What he said didn't seem calculated or timed...he wasn't trying to butter me up—that much was apparent. He continued to move about the kitchen, taking two plates out of the cupboard and started dishing up food; for the way he was moving about the space, he could have just commented on the weather, not how he uses his badge to let himself into my apartment, or find me at school and interrupt my painting session to demand I go to dinner with him.

Maybe there are still decent men in the world, I thought to myself. Any other man would have puffed out his chest and hinted at getting something in return for his act of "chivalry". 

"Nice dog you have there, by the way." Holden said, interrupting my thoughts. 

I shook my head. "I may need to trade him in. He's too much of a softy, obviously. He could've at least alerted me to someone being in the apartment," I huffed.

"Nah, he just knows and likes me," Holden grinned, setting a plate of food in front of me. Divine didn't begin to cover the way it smelled. My eyes raked over the spread: blueberry pancakes, sausage, eggs, and toast. My stomach rumbled.

"How could he like you? He's barely met you." I teased.

"I have that affect on people."

It was true. Holden and I had spent little time together and I liked him. A lot. Maybe more than I should. 

I poured syrup over my pancakes, frowning as I thought about this man's affect on me. What was it about him? Was it his cocky, "I got this" type of attitude, or maybe it was his attentiveness to me? It was obvious he cared for me, which was something I was not used to. When I thought back to David, I realized I had to constantly tell myself he cared for me. Back then, I reasoned that because David and I were together for so long, he had to care for me—it just made sense. Who stays in a relationship for that long and doesn't care for their significant other?

"A penny for your thoughts?" Holden's green eyes smoldered as he peered at me from across the kitchen. How long had he been watching me? 

"What brought this on?" I motioned to the expanse of my kitchen.

"We need to have a talk. Food makes talks better, I believe." 

I was sure I knew what "the talk" entailed, but I asked the question anyway. "What kind of talk?"

Holden brought a plate for himself and sat next to me. "About the other night and us. You know we have chemistry. A great deal of it. I like you, and I think you like me," he shrugged. "I realize you're coming out of a difficult situation..." his eyes traveled from my plate to my face and back again. "Maybe you should eat while I talk."

"You're not eating either...besides, I thought we needed to talk," I chuckled, picking up my fork.

"Semantics. Look, I just want a redo from last time. Things didn't end well, and I didn't like it." He ran his fingers through his dark tresses. "Kennedy. I know you're going through a rough time. It's stressful being a full-time student, plus you're teaching, not to mention your unofficial break up...there's a lot on your plate—figuratively and literally," he cracked a smile at his lame joke. Even I had to giggle. "I know this is crappy timing, but I really want to see where this," he motioned between our two bodies, "leads us." He sighed before continuing, "After our date, I felt so out of place. I get what you said the other night; no, we don't know much about each other. But I want to learn."

I forked the eggs on my plate, careful to keep my eyes off Holden to avoid distraction. "I get what you're saying, but I don't. It's like you're asking me to be your girlfriend but you're...not."

"I can't ask that of you, Kennedy. I know it would be too soon."

"What about you? You just met me."

"I know what I want. But you need to have the chance to figure out what you want. You've spent ample time with the Ring Giver. I just want this one day. Give us this day to learn more about each other. No strings attached. We don't even have to make out this time."

I sighed. "Are you gonna be bringing that up all day? If you are, I'm gonna have to say no."

He threw his hands up in mock defense. "There will be no mention of the kitchen or couch."

"You just mentioned it!" I laughed. 

"Yeah, I know," he grinned. "Just today, Kennedy. Please."

I sighed. "This is about more than just a choice between two guys. It's about discontinuing a life I've lived for four years. Sure, David and I are over; but there's much more to it than that." 

"Help me to understand, Kennedy. I want to, believe me."

"I know you do. You just...you scare me, sometimes. You're so intense...I've never experienced that before. I don't know what to do with it."

He walked over to where I sat and placed his hands on either side of my face. "You should always have someone that is intense about you." He pressed his lips to mine, planting a chaste kiss on my mouth. "I have a few things planned for us today, if you're up for it."

I closed my eyes and breathed him in. "Like what?"

I could hear the smile in his voice. "I thought we could take Bentley for a walk in the park and feed the ducks. I have a picnic set up for us, too. Then I booked us a surprise some place I think you might like. I thought we could finish up with me cooking us some dinner again."

"Are we gonna have to go to the store?" I asked, remembering our last date.

"Nope! I've been planning this a while and I brought everything I'll need...all you have to do is get that cute butt of yours dressed and we'll be on our way."

I looked at him, desperately hoping I could see through his head and into his mind. What made this guy tick? Why did he pursue me so heavily? 

As if he could read my intentions, he answered me. "There's just something about you, Kennedy Ames. I can't leave you alone. I don't want to. You ignite something in me I've never felt before. Physically, mentally, emotionally...God...sexually. You can't imagine..." he leaned in for a kiss and I responded with a surprising amount of exuberance. 

Whether it was the affect of his words on me or the fact that I hadn't seen or heard from him in so long, I did not know; but, I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips to his, dipping my tongue into his mouth. I never tasted of desire like this. I wanted to mold myself to Holden in such a way where the fire department would have to use the jaws of life to pry us apart. I snaked my fingers through his hair and pulled him toward me. 

Holden broke the kiss and lifted me from the chair to lay my body on the floor. Bentley grew excited and loped around my heated body; I grew impatient. "Bentley, bed," I said. The dog galloped off in the direction of my room. 

"Good dog, very well trained," Holden said before pulling off my pajama bottoms. "God. Look at that," he trailed his fingers over my wet mound eliciting a groan from me. "No panties," he closed his eyes as if he committed this sight to memory. His lips barely parted as he spoke to me, "If you tell me to stop, I will. Do you want me to stop?"

I shook my head because my embarrassment would not allow me to speak. His words heated my flesh, igniting me as if I were dry tinder and he was the flame. How could he speak just a few syllables and make me want to hide and go streaking at the same time? 

"I hope you're going to enjoy this as much as I am," he said before rubbing his fingers on my clit. My back bowed off the floor. "Fuck," Holden whispered harshly. "So wet." He stooped down and slid his tongue over my center, making me cry out. He repeated the act over and over, making me climb higher and higher. 

"Holden, please."

"Please, what, Kennedy?"

"Sex. Now."

"Hmm...I don't know." He looked down at my body as he worked me over with his hand. "I like this for now," he said, sliding a finger into my warmth. "Well, fuck," he groaned. "Are you a virgin, Ken?"

I sure felt like it. My body had never been set ablaze by such passion. I shook my head, unable to speak. His sexual forwardness took my breath away.

"Good. Now, I won't have to take it too easy on you," he said, adding another finger into me and pumping faster. He lifted my shirt, exposing my chest. "Ah...yes," he groaned as if he were being pleasured. He took a nipple between his fingers and rolled it. 

"Oh...God!"

"Meh...you can just call me Holden," he whispered. 

"Cocky," I huffed. 

"You wanna see how cocky I am?"

"Yes."

"No...I think I'll make you wait."

I was about to protest when his mouth found my clit again. "Argh!" His tongue slid in and out of me; I was certain he wanted to end my life. There was no such pleasure without a painful consequence, I was sure of it. "Holden...please."

He rose from the apex of my thighs and hovered over me, his green eyes meeting mine. "I'm not going to fuck you yet, Kennedy. I want to...God, I want to; but, when we do it, I'm going to possess you. I'm going to take you places you've never dreamt of going. I'm going to do things to you that'll make you sore in your body from exertion, in your throat from screaming my name, and in your mind from trying to compartmentalize all the pleasure you don't know what to do with. When I fuck you, I want you to remember where I've been and exactly what I've done." He slid his fingers back into me as he continued to talk. "I want to erase every other guy you've been with and leave my mark in you. I want you to call my name...to beg me for more...to beg me to stop. You think I'm intense? Oh, Miss Kennedy, you've barely seen the tip of the iceberg. Take off your shirt."

I did as he said without hesitation. 

"Good," he said before pulling his fingers out of me and rolling us over. I sat astride him, confused. "Bring it here," he pointed to his mouth.

"What?"

"Don't ask questions, Ken. Sit here. Take your pleasure from me."




Cuffed Ch. 05



I was hesitant to comply to this request. I felt it left me open...too open—barren, even. But I did as he asked. 

"There you go," he caressed my thighs with his hands and my folds with his breath. "All right, Ken. Do it."

"I...I don't really know how," I said.

"So, you want to play games? Okay." He gripped my hips and pulled my center against his mouth. His tongue dived in and out of me and around my folds. I cried out. The feeling was overwhelming. "Yeah, there it is. There you go," Holden mumbled into my wet center as I began to rock my mound against his mouth. His hands reached up to my breasts and he toyed with my nipples. 

"Oh. God." I threw my head back. 

Stars. 

Colors.

Light. 

They all burst behind my eyelids as I rode out my orgasm into Holden's mouth. 

Holden growled beneath me, "Fuck yes!" as he slapped my ass. I never thought I'd like slapping during sex—David had tried it a few times and I, eventually, told him I didn't like it; but, with Holden, it was different. I didn't fear the physical with him...I craved it. "Come here," Holden took my arms, tenderly, and held me against his chest. "Well, that takes a couple items off my bucket list, but there's much more we have yet to do, Miss Kennedy; but, not before we get on with our day date. Up and at 'em, baby doll," he slapped my ass again. 

My mind wheeled. One minute, he was this sexual being, hell-bent on giving me pleasure; and, the next he was the playful Holden I met in Kohl's. Thankfully, I liked both guys. 

We did as he promised; we drove out to Tipton Park and Bentley had his head out of the window the entire time. He galloped around the lake, excited by all the new sights and smells. There weren't many ducks around yet, but the ones present gobbled down the grapes we fed them. 

Lunch was cute. We sat around a picnic table where Holden spread out a little picnic basket with a gingham table cloth. He was persistent, thoughtful, intuitive, sexy...what could I have ever done to attract the attention of someone like him?

I called Lara from the bathtub later that day to ask that very question. 

Holden and I had some down time before my surprise, so he ran me a bath and told me to relax. It wasn't a hard command to follow. I was already cozy from the great day I was having. I couldn't remember a time in my life where I'd had this much fun. That's what helped me solidify the decision that I needed to make. I had to end things with David, for sure. In my head, we were done as soon as he grabbed me, but he needed to hear it, and I had to say it—no matter how uncomfortable it would be. 

"You were just being you," Lara told me, bringing my attention back to our conversation.

"I was 'just being me' when David and I first started dating, too. How could the outcomes be so different?"

"Does it matter? You're done with David. He's history. Gone. Buh bye!"

I laughed. "You are way happier than you should be."

"I am not. I should be happier! You got out of that dead end relationship, I no longer have to see David. You have a new guy that runs you bubble baths and eats you out after breakfast. Hey, does he have a brother?"

"Lara!"

"Well, I'm just wondering."

The bathroom door creaked open and Holden stepped in...naked. My mouth popped open. He probably did need to be my gym buddy—every part of him was rock hard and sculpted. David had muscle definition, but nothing like this. 

"Hello? Hello?" Lara's voice stopped my ogling. 

"Um, Lara. Let me call you back." 

"Uh huh, right," she laughed. "Talk to you Monday."

I hung up and continued to gawk.

"Can I join you?" he asked. 

"Um...sure. Yeah."

"Scoot up."

He lowered himself into the tub and I felt his erection on my back. "Are you always that way?"

"What way?"

I squirmed in my shyness. "Hard?"

He drummed his fingers along the tub's edge. "Well, when I'm with you, it's a near-constant thing. Hopefully, it will slow down over time, otherwise, this could prove to be embarrassing."

We both laughed. 

"So...how much time do we have left?" I was eager to get to the surprise portion of our date. I had no inkling of an idea where he was taking me, and he wasn't relenting. 

"So hasty. We have a couple hours. Plenty of time to chill." He laughed. "I can almost hear your frown from here."

"I have a love-hate relationship with surprises."

"Most people do...but," he reached around me and started to fondle my chest, "do your best to relax and enjoy the day, okay?"

"It's hard to relax when you do stuff like this to me."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No."

"I didn't think so." I heard the smile in his voice. 

By the end of the bath, Holden had worked me over twice more with his fingers. I dried myself and went to my room to find some clothes. "I don't know what to wear," I called out the door. 

"Wear whatever you like," Holden called back. 

"Darn." I was hoping he would give a clue as to where we were headed. With no clothing recommendation from him, the date could lead anywhere. A movie, the mall...a play...the possibilities were endless, and it annoyed me. I threw on a pair of skinny jeans and a light sweater before marching out to the kitchen. 

"Do you have a crockpot?" he asked. 

"Yeah. What type of woman doesn't have a crockpot?"

He laughed. "My mother. She preferred dinners that came out of a frozen box."

"And that's why you learned how to cook," I said, piecing the information he just offered me with his culinary skills. 

He nodded and smiled. "You look nice," he said, looking up from the skillet as he continued to stir what smelled like browning ground beef. "Hope you don't get that dirty," he winked. 

"Ugh! Will you just tell me where we're going?"

"Nope."

I pouted through the couple of hours we had left to wait before we left for the surprise. It was petty, I know. Holden tried to talk to me as he drove through town, but I was watching the street signs and buildings, hoping for more clues. We hit main street and a smile spread across my face. 

"Merlot and a Masterpiece!" I clapped. 

"Well, damn," he said, pulling into the parking garage. "Next time, I'm blindfolding you."

"I bet you'd like that. Creep."

"You just wait...I'll show you what a creep I can be."

"Do you ever get tired?"

He knew what I meant. "Of pleasuring you? Of wanting you? No."

I looked at him. "I don't get why you haven't done it yet."

He rubbed my cheek with his hand. "I've given you reasons, Ken."

"Not good ones." 

I internally gawked at myself. Where had this new woman come from? What was I doing? I never begged for sex, ever. In the past, if David said no, that was it. 

"Hey, no. None of that," Holden took my chin between his fingers. "I can see what you're thinking, and no. You're not wrong to want what you want. I'm glad you want me. I've dreamt of you wanting me since I bumped into you at Kohl's all those weeks ago. I just..." he sighed, "like you said, I'm intense about you. That makes me want to do...things...I'm not certain you're ready for. I want to wade in before plunging into the deep."

"What things, Holden? I don't understand."

"We'll talk later. Right now, I want you to teach me how to paint."

I grunted my disapproval, but conceded to his wishes. 

Holden was a terrible painter, but at least he tried; and, he even looked like he enjoyed himself. He brought a smile to my face as he concentrated on applying the color to the canvas; he made me laugh when he cursed because "his strokes were ugly". We took a picture together with our flower artworks before leaving the studio. 

I thanked Holden on the entire ride home and even as we crossed the threshold to the apartment. 

"I can't believe you've never been there," he said, tossing his keys onto the counter.

I shrugged. "I just never had any time." 

"Well, we'll have to go again," he winked before sliding breadsticks into the oven. 

"I don't get why you did all this for me today," I shook my head. "I was kinda rude to you in the beginning," I said, thinking back to when I first met him. 

"Not...rude. Just stubborn."

"Isn't there anything I can do to repay you?"

He assessed me. "No, Kennedy. Just because I do something nice for you, doesn't mean I expect anything in return. I had as much fun today as you did, if not more."

"But we did stuff I like to do. What could you have gotten out of it?"

He shook his head. "I had fun. It was great seeing you have fun. You barely even frowned today."

I smiled as I realized the truth in his words. 

"If we're going to be in a relationship, you have to understand something. When I want to do nice things for you, I'm not looking for reciprocation. That's not how things work with me. Don't look at me like I'm going to sound off a list of demands; it's just not going to happen. Do you understand me?"

I nodded. "I understand."

We sat down to dinner and, as always, it was amazing. Who knew you could make lasagna in a crockpot? We cleaned the kitchen together and took Bentley for his nightly walk. I could see Saturdays like this becoming "the norm" for us, and the thought warmed me. Of course, I wasn't going to be selfish and only do the things I wanted to; no matter what Holden said, I would try my best to reciprocate all he did for me that day. I made it my goal to find out what he liked to do in his spare time—to find what he was passionate about—and plan a nice date for him. I thought back to all our encounters and attempted to find hints of what he may be interested until Bentley started barking.

"Bent, hush," I said, hoping he hadn't woken anyone. He did not quiet. "Bent...what is wrong with you? He usually only barks at squirrels," I told Holden. "I'm not sure what his problem is."

His barking grew in volume and frequency as we drew closer to the apartment; it was too late to turn around before I realized why. 

Bentley stopped dragging me behind him and produced a growl that made even the hair on my neck stand up. 

"Holden, will you take Bentley inside, please?"

"Why? Is everything okay?"

"Um...I don't know."

"Kennedy," I heard his voice before I saw his face.

He looked a train had run him over. He hadn't shaved in quite some time, that much was obvious. His clothes needed washed. His hair was a mess. And he wreaked of strong drink. 

"Damn," I whispered. Of all the nights for David to show up at my apartment, it had to be after an awesome date.

I shortened Bentley's leash around my wrist, hoping to keep the dog somewhat contained. "Bent, hush. No more." The dog was quiet, but the thundering of my heart took place of the barking. 

"Where've you been, Kennedy? I've been calling, texting...I've come by and you changed the locks on me. You missed our m-meeting with the caterer and the baker for the cake."

"I've been teaching, and I've been at school."

"And out fucking around, it seems," he ran his fingers through his hair. "Who's this guy? Where's your ring?"

I sighed. "Will you take Bentley inside?" I asked Holden.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Ken. This guy is obviously drunk and looking for trouble." Holden's muscles flexed as he glared at David.

"Yeah, it's really not a good... idea. Why not all three of us have a chit chat, hmm? Maybe this guy has the reason why you don't have your ring on and why you missed some of the most important appointments for our wedding."

Holden laughed without humor, shaking his head. 

"David. I don't have the ring on because it's over."

An image of confusion swept over David's face before he finally registered what I had said. "WHAT?!" he roared. 

"Hey, lower your voice, man," Holden said. 

David ignored him. "You can't break up with me! We're getting married soon and everyone is going to be there. You're just having cold feet."

"No, I'm breaking up with you because you crossed the line last time. I forgave you after the first time, and you said you weren't going to do it again, but you did." 

I heard Holden's sharp intake of breath, but I kept going. It was too late to stop talking now. I had plunged into the depths and there was no way I was coming out without the desired outcome. I needed to be free of David once and for all. 

"I set the rules in the beginning and you broke them. That's it, we're done. We're not right for each other, and I'm not sure that we ever were. I can put your ring in the mail, okay?"

"You're leaving me because you're fucking him! I know the truth! What? Does he do things that I don't? Are you two nasty together or something? Ugh, God. You make me sick." 

"Okay, that's quite enough. Ken?" Holden placed his hand at the small of my back and ushered me to the apartment door. 

"Hold the hell on! She's not going anywhere with you!"

Holden wheeled around to face David. The differences between the two men were staggering. "All right. This is how it's gonna go, David. One, you're going to shut up. It's late and people are sleeping. Two, you are going to call for a ride because you are too sloppy drunk to drive anywhere. Three, we're going to go upstairs and you will be gone. We are going our separate ways and you will not come to this apartment again, are we clear?"

"Who died and made y-you boss? You aren't about to tell me what to do with my wife!" 

David made a grab for me but Holden was too fast. He deflected David's attempt to catch me and ended up holding him in some form of a headlock. Bentley went wild, barking and snapping at David, all the while yanking my arm in odd directions. 

"Kennedy, why don't you take Bentley inside, hmm? I think David and I need to have a chat." Holden's voice was steady as if he didn't just physically exert himself to trap the raging, drunk David. Maybe he hadn't. "I'll be up in a minute."

"This isn't over Kennedy! You hear me?! We will be together!"

"Bentley, house," I said, pulling my dog in the direction of the apartment. He stopped barking but growled the entire walk inside. I slammed my keys on the counter. "Go get some water, B," I told the dog as I let my face fall into my hands. I sighed, rubbing my eyes. "This day went so well," I groaned. 

I was comfortable with Holden. I enjoyed his company—I had chosen to be with him; but, David had to mess it all up with his stupidity. Holden didn't need to be involved in this mess, and he probably didn't even want to anymore. My relationship with him was ruined before I even had the chance to officially accept him into my life. "At least I got a little taste of what life could've been," I said, dragging my feet on the way to my bedroom. I threw on a pair of comfy pajamas and was rolling my hair into a bun when I heard the apartment door open.

My heart skipped a beat. "Holden?" 

"Kennedy?" Holden came through the bedroom door. His eyes were burning with anger, but the rest of his face was concerned as he looked at me. "Hey," he smiled. "You ready for bed?"

"Yeah," I said. 

"I see that. PJs and all," he smirked. He took off his shoes, followed by his pants and shirt. 

"You're staying?"

"If that's okay."

"Of course," I threw the covers back and crawled into bed, making sure to leave room for him.

He crawled in behind me and pulled me close to him. 

"I'm sorry," I said. 

His voice was soft, a mere whisper in my ear. "We don't have to talk about it, Ken. Get some rest."

"O-okay." 

As expected, I did not sleep well. Memories of my father and David blended together to form a pretty impressive nightmare. I jerked awake, sweat and tears moistening my face. Holden awoke not too long after me and drowned my fears in more rounds of sexual pleasure.



Cuffed Ch. 06



Hey there, lovelies 

I just wanted to stop by and let everyone know that this chapter may be tough to read. There are a couple scenes of violence against women and sexual abuse. While they're not grotesque by any means, I thought I'd just put the warning on there in case it's a trigger for anyone that may come across this. 

Other than that, I have no new news 

Happy reading 

[[CC]]

*****

Chapter Six: Truths

My students noticed the change; Lara noticed the change. My instructors noticed the change; I noticed it, too. 

I was happy. Even accounting for the several calls, texts, and voicemails from my mother and David, I could not keep the smile from my face. 

My relationship with Holden hit the ground running. It was too soon, but not soon enough. It was the answer to my prayers. 

We spent almost all our free time together and he cooked for me...a lot; he even initiated a dinner with both Lara and me where he was the chef. The two formed an almost instant friendship. Life had made a turnaround, but as I said: there is no intense pleasure without some type of pain lurking in the shadows. That pain, I realized, came in the form of making the break up with David final. I had to get my things from his house. 

He refused, of course. 

It was times like that when I wished I had a father or brother. I would have just called them and went to David's to gather my belongings with them as my muscle. This situation reeked of incident, which I wanted to avoid. 

"I'll go over there with you, Kennie," Lara offered. "You have a key. We can just go when we know he's at work. We won't have to see him."

"I just want this crap settled. I have an interview coming up and I don't want this hanging over my head." 

It was the interview I'd been hoping to score since I realized my dream to become an art teacher. I was ecstatic, worried, and petrified all in one. I had thrown all my chips into that one basket, forsaking any thoughts of a backup plan in case I was offered the position opening up at my high school. In hindsight, it was foolish; but, there was no point in regretting it now. I needed to dwell on what was ahead and ace the interview or I'd be jobless after graduation. I needed my head clear to focus on the opportunity before me, but David was making that task impossible with his childish games. 

Lara's voice brought me out of my reverie. "David should really get a psychiatric assessment. He's off the hinges. Oh, and speaking of that," Lara reached into her bag and produced a box. "Not taking 'no' for an answer. Here. They can't bug you if they don't have your number." 

"Lara...this is too much," I turned the box over in my hands, the bitten apple shining as it reflected the light form the ceiling. 

"Holden and I went half and half. Don't worry about it."

"So, you two have been conspiring behind my back?" I grinned at the realization of how well they worked together.

"Could we conspire in your face?" she laughed. 

"I could've just changed the number on my old phone, you know."

"It's safer this way, Kennie. I don't trust David. He's crazy and has money; those two are a very dangerous combination."

"I'll get it set up right away. Thank you...so much...for everything."

"We're best friends. It comes with the territory." She gave me a half smile as she zipped her bag.

"If you're ever in a useless relationship for years on end, I promise to slap some sense into you, okay?"

She smiled. "Deal. Hey," she looked at me, her eyes alight, "what about Holden going with us to get your stuff?"

I shook my head. "I don't want him to come."

Her smile faded. "Why not?"

"I just don't want him involved in that."

"He could be your police escort; you know? That type of thing."

"I feel like he's already done too much, you know? I don't want him to think I'm totally useless. He already had to strong arm the guy the first time they met. No," I shook my head. "I want to handle this myself. I want to be the one to drive the last nail into the coffin."

"And I'll put the 'dick flag' right on top as they lower that bitch into the ground."

"That's why we're friends." 

Our date was set, our mission sure. We rented a U-Haul and pulled into David's driveway. My skin crawled as I unlocked the door and saw the mess before me. Beer cans, wine bottles; empty, askew decanters lay everywhere. There were empty containers of food that made the place smell like a trash bag left out in the summer heat. 

"Let's try to make this as quick as possible." My voice came out squeaky as I tried to breathe through my mouth. 

Thankfully, I hadn't moved much stuff over to David's. I sifted through the mayhem, looking for anything of mine I could find. 

Underneath a pile of papers and DP Dough boxes, I saw a blue handle poking out from under the mess. My heart stopped as I stooped down and removed the barriers, hoping the handle didn't belong to what I thought it did. My stomach dropped as I realized my suspicions were confirmed. "He broke my grandmother's china set," I whispered, raising the blue and white teacup to eye level. The damask pattern blurred from the tears pooling in my eyes. 

My grandmother reminded me of happy times. Her and my grandfather would come to rescue my sister and me for a couple weekends out of each month, taking us to do fun things like fishing, going to theme parks, or traveling up north to Chicago. They didn't even know they were liberating us with each trip. We looked forward to their presence and ran out to meet them when we heard their La Sabre pull into our driveway. They died in our high school years, and about six months apart; it was their will that made me the owner of my grandmother's china set. 

"No!" Lara whipped around to face me. 

I held up the blue and white teacup I found amongst the trash on the floor, showing the chips and fissures that broke the damask pattern. 

"Is there any of it left?"

"I don't know." 

"We'll look for it, Kennie. Gosh, what an asshole," Lara said as she began to sift through the trash. 

"He knows how important that set is to me," I sniffled. 

"And that's probably why he ruined it. Look, in there," Lara pointed to the cherry wood china cabinet that housed my heirlooms. Mercifully, most of the set was intact. "We'll pack those first."

After stowing away my precious items, we went from room to room, throwing my belongings into extra large plastic tubs. I didn't care what order—or lack thereof—my things made it into the tub; my goal was to get out of the house. 

As we carried out the last of my things, a car came screeching down the street and toward the house. I recognized the car, much to my displeasure. 

How did he always know?! He was always in sync or not far behind us in every move we made. 

That I would have to figure out later, but the pressing issue was David's presence when I was trying to make a clean getaway.

"Fuck!" Lara huffed. 

"I think we got everything. Let's just get this in and go," I told her.

My hands shook violently, making it almost impossible to load the tub into the back of the U-Haul. Lara, having mercy on me, took it from my hands and slammed the door shut. 

David's car door slammed. "What the fuck are you doing?!?" he roared. 

I took a deep breath to steady myself. "I told you I was coming to get my stuff."

"And you decided you'd do it while I was at work? Was that your genius idea, Lara?"

Lara did not back down. Not that I expected her to. She crossed her arms in defiance and glared at her adversary. "Cool it, David. We're getting her stuff so she can be done with you for good. She is not coming back, so just let it go."

"Fuck you! You never wanted us to be together. I see, now, it was because you were jealous."

"Of what?! A drunk, lazy ass slob like you? The only thing you have going for you is your money, and I'm sure you're gonna run out sooner rather than later based on your food and alcohol addiction. Step. The fuck. Off."

Another car pulled up. 

I groaned. I picked this day to get my things from David because I knew he worked late on Thursdays, and here he was, preventing me from leaving. He ducked out of work just to stop me, he had to have. But who alerted him of my whereabouts? 

"Kennedy. You need to stop this behavior at once."

"This is none of your business, Mother." I watched as an older, money hungry version of me walked up the driveway. She was polished in her black, knee-length dress and matching heels. Probably just came from an early dinner or late lunch at the country club. 

"Of course it is! David called me as soon as he found out what was happening. You can't do this, Kennedy! Don't you see? You belong together!"

"Mom! This man is abusive! Why have you not gotten that through your head?! He has been violent toward me more than once. I cannot allow that. And, no, we don't belong together. We are through. Over. No more. I don't want him!"

She saw the resolve in my eyes, I could tell. Her own eyes widened as her mouth popped open in surprise. She probably didn't think it would be hard to talk me down from this choice I made; boy was she mistaken. She switched tactics. "You're just worked up. Why don't the three of us sit down and have a talk?"

"You sure as hell aren't gonna be able to sit in there. It's a fucking trash heap," Lara huffed. 

My mother turned to glare at Lara. "It is a mess because that's the way David's life became after he lost Kennedy. Give him a chance to explain."

I raked my hands through my hair. "Explain what?! The fact that he can't stop abusing me? You, of all people, should know what that's like. It makes me wonder...would you still be with Richard if he wasn't locked up? I bet you would be, and that's sickening. Money. Is. Not. Everything. We're leaving."

"Hold the fuck on!" David grabbed me by the back of my shirt and I was, mercilessly, dragged backward; the heels of my Converse sneakers skidded against the concrete driveway. Gasps from Lara and my mother surrounded me as David locked his arms around me and hoisted my body into the air, shaking me. "Listen to me, Kennedy! Listen!" 

"Put me down, David," I gasped. 

"Let her go! Now!" Lara yelled as she ran to hit David. She landed blows to every exposed part of his body, but he still didn't relent. 

The pain in my ribs and chest was building as he shook me like a rag doll. I kicked and thrashed against him, but he didn't lose his grip. 

"David, honey, put her down. That's not the way," my mother fluttered her hands around us as if the act would make him release me. 

"Katherine, she won't listen to me!" he said to my mother. "She's hard-headed, as always." He tightened his grip on my body and I could have sworn I heard something crack. 

I can't breathe. He's going to kill me. 

Visions of my father's hands around my neck flashed before me; I struggled harder. Black dots swam in my vision, but I still fought David with everything in me. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I heard him cursing me for scratching him up and biting him; but I would not relent until I could no longer fight. 

"Put her the fuck down, now, David!" Holden's angry voice had me shaking my head, clearing the threat of unconsciousness. 

"Holden!" I choked out. 

I didn't see his cruiser pull up, but I was grateful it did. No one could have stopped David but him. 

"I said, put her down!" Holden walked toward us, his gun pointed at David's forehead. 

David dropped me and I fell to the ground, my ribs and back aching. 

"Motherfucker!" I heard Lara screech before the sound of flesh colliding made my head turn. David sunk to the ground, groaning in pain. Lara did not stop attacking; she landed blow after blow to my abuser. Kicking, punching, grabbing and pulling; I'd never seen her so fury-filled. 

Holden jammed his gun back into its holster and ran to where Lara continued to assault David. "Lara, hey!" He managed to pry her off, but she still kicked and thrashed until Holden whispered something in her ear. She stilled and he set her down. 

"No need to ask what's going on here," Holden said, looking from person to person. "David, go inside. Don't even think about trying to sneak out of some back door or I'll bring you in on fleeing the scene of a crime and resisting arrest...and anything else I can think of." 

He watched as David limped into the house before turning toward me. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes and the heat of shame creeping up my neck and into my face. Embarrassment had set in after fear took its leave. How many times would I be in this predicament where Holden would have to save me from my crazy ex? Wasn't it bad enough being abused in front of my friend and mother? Now, Holden had seen my shame. 

He jogged to where I lay on the ground and helped me to my feet. His hands touched my face, neck, shoulders, arms...all the way down to my hips. "Baby, are you okay?"

I couldn't meet his gaze yet. "How did you know where I was?"

"I got a call. One of the neighbors phoned in a disturbance. Why didn't you tell me you were doing this? I would have come with you." His tone was disapproving, a first for him. 

"And just who the hell are you?" My mother strutted to where we stood. 

"I'm Kennedy's boyfriend, actually."

My mother's face puckered as if she had tasted something sour. "Kennedy is not with anyone but David. They are soon to be married!"

Holden peered down at my mother with incredulous eyes. A few moments passed before Holden spoke; but, when he did, there was no mistaking the amount of disgust and contempt in his voice. "I suggest you move on before I find some type of way to fine or jail you, okay?"

"You can't do that!"

"Oh, but when Kennedy is involved, I can do anything. Leave."

My mother huffed and puffed as she stomped to her car. "If you go through with this, Kennedy, our relationship is over. You will be dead to me."

I only considered her threat momentarily. "Goodbye, Mother," I said. 

She stood and watched me, her eyes dagger-like. 

"She said 'bye'," Lara snapped. 

My mother got into her car and sped off down the street. 

"I'll get her for speeding in a residential area, but that's all I can, legally, muster up. Did you get everything you came for?" Holden asked.

"I think so. If not, there's nothing in there I can't replace. I just want to go," I said. 

"Honey, you know I have to write a report."

I sighed. "That's fine."

Holden went through all the police formalities with each person, saving me for last. When it was my turn to be questioned, he sat with me on the curb, taking notes. I answered all his questions, just wishing the process would end. 

"For me to build a full report, I need your mother's testimony, but I can get that from her another time. To get things moving, I have to ask, would you like to press charges?"

"No."

He did a double take. "Kennedy."

"No. I don't want to press charges."

"All right." Holden sounded upset, but he didn't say anything more. I guess he couldn't because he was still on duty; but, I'd probably get an earful later that night. 

"You know, if he really wants to come for me, he will. This legal stuff isn't going to do much," I sighed. 

"We'll talk about it later. You and Lara may leave now."

Holden was upset with me. He'd never dismissed me like that; but, I really didn't see what good pressing charges would do. The law can only do so much—especially to someone that has money and can buy their way out of any trouble they find themselves in.  

I left David's house to drop Lara off and finish my errands for the day. I activated my new phone and new number, unloaded all of my things from David's house into my apartment, and I filed a restraining order. I knew it would make Holden more comfortable, but I did not see the point in the flimsy piece of paper. 

As I crossed the threshold of my apartment, I sent up a litany of thanks for me being smart enough to put dinner in the crockpot before I left earlier that morning. I so did not want to cook. 

I stripped down and tossed my clothes to the floor before sliding into the shower. I rested my palms against the wall and let the warm water flow down my body. It did nothing to loose the tension in my muscles or heat the chill in my heart. 

Betrayal, hurt, and shame washed over me in the wake of being alone; all I could do was cry. I sank to the floor of the shower and let the weight of the day have me. 

I was unsure how much time passed as I sat crying in the shower, but Bentley's barks brought me out of my funk. I heard him gallop into the bathroom before he stuck his nose in the shower. 

"Get outta here ya crazy," I sighed. 

"Hey, be nice," Holden jokingly said before pulling the curtain back. He gasped. He didn't say anything more, but helped me to my feet before tracing his fingers over my ribs. I watched as his fingers trailed down every one of my bruises before he stepped into the shower and pulled me into a hug. 

"You're going to get all wet," I protested against his chest. 

"It doesn't matter." He sighed a heavy, world-wearied sigh. "That fucker is gonna get me fired. I'm going to kill him. I was this close to pulling the trigger. This close. I didn't even think to direct the shot anywhere else but at his head."

I put my arms around Holden, finally feeling both my, and his, muscles relax. My heart warmed at the realization that we found comfort in each other and not just me in him.

"I saw you filed for the restraining order," he, finally, said. 

"And I activated that new phone you and Lara got me. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We stood in the shower until the water began to run colder than we could bear. He helped me out and dried my skin with a towel, being particularly careful with the bruised areas of my body. 

I put on some yoga pants and a shirt before going to the kitchen and serving dinner. I picked through my food. It tasted fine, but my appetite evaded me. 

"You were upset with me earlier," I said, wanting to get the obvious topics of discussion out of the way. 

Holden placed his fork on a napkin. "I was."

"I'm sorry." 

"I wanted to bend you over my squad car and fuck you into submission." 

I gasped, my fork clattering against the tile floor after it fell from my fingers. "Holden."

"It's true. I was so angry...I was mad at you, livid with that idiot David. I wanted to beat him, then fuck you. Hard." He turned to face me. "My...temper...sometimes is linked to my sexuality, Kennedy. I promise to never hurt you, but it's just an urge that happens."

"You wanted to beat him?"

"To death. With my bare hands. It's why I joined the academy after high school. I knew I had some temper issues and I wanted to find a healthy way to solve them. Police training saved my life. I fought at the drop of a hat for quite some time, but with discipline, focus, and ambition, I was able to quell that side of me...but the sex...I still fuck pretty angrily." His head hung as if he admitted to committing an unforgivable sin. 

I made sure my voice was not hard and that my next words weren't going to come out as an accusation. "That's why you don't want to have sex with me?"

How had our conversation taken such a turn; and why was I steadily becoming wetter? I had almost been knocked out by my ex fiancé and my relationship with my mother was but a memory, yet my body responded to Holden's words as if the world was still in working order. 

"That's why I'm afraid to have sex with you, Kennedy. I can't hurt you. If I do, I'd be no better than him. Other girls I've been with...they liked it rough...wild. I don't want to scare you away." 

"You think I won't like it?"

"I-I'm not sure."

"What do you want to do about it?"

"Nothing," he closed his eyes tight as if willing resolve to settle in his heart. "I just...I don't know. You can't even imagine how hard it was for me...the first time we met. I could've taken you in the dressing room. I wanted to."




Cuffed Ch. 06



Warmth spread throughout me in a new surge. "You didn't even look at me. I was half naked." 

"Oh, I looked; but with police eyes. I can scan and search an entire room and you wouldn't even know it."

"I can't let you be dissatisfied with me, Holden. It's going to breed contempt and more anger. Tell me what I can do."

"You can leave me."

I gasped. "Is it that serious? Do you like to hit? Choke...? What?"

"No, no," he said. "I...I like it rough, but I also like to experiment with bondage."

"Like...ropes? Chains?"

He shook his head. "Not that extreme. I'd never go that far."

"So you don't expect me to be your Sub?"

"No! Not at all! I mean, I can get bossy, but I'm not into holding slaves and beating you until you bleed. I'm so not into that."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "You do like to spank, if I remember correctly."

"That's part of it, but like I said, I'm not here to hurt you." 

"But you said you wanted to 'fuck me into submission.' What does that mean to you?"

He sighed. "I want to fuck you until you're satiated and I can get my point across. Anyone is easier to handle once they've been satisfied." His eyes raked over my body as he assessed me. "You want this. I can see it. You're hot for me right now."

He wasn't lying. I was turned all the way on and I wanted Holden in my bed. He didn't know how badly I wished for a thorough sexing. I'd be lying if I said I'd ever had one. Sex was a routine for my ex; nothing more than a number of items that needed to be checked off some mental list. 

"Don't look at me like that, Kennedy. I-I...Damn it," he growled. 

"I'm sorry. I do want this. I want you. I don't want you to be afraid."

"You're so important to me, Ken. You came into my life, rather abruptly, and turned it upside down. I don't want to lose you before we even get our relationship off the ground."

"That's what this time is for. We're supposed to learn about each other and see what works for us. Developing a healthy sex life is part of that, Holden."

I could see my logic working on him; but I didn't say those things just to get him into bed—I meant every word. I wanted this relationship to be solid and that could only happen if we worked together. 

"We can try."

"Good." I rose from my chair and began to kiss him, grabbing his hair to hold him closer to me. 

The heat from his bare chest seeped through my shirt and onto my skin. That was what I needed—his touch. His warmth. The day had left me cold and desolate, but when Holden came on the scene that all changed...or so I thought.

"Not right now, Ken," Holden muttered around my lips. 

"What? Why?"

"You're hurt. I don't want to make it worse."

"I need you. After today...I just. I need you."

He closed his eyes again. "Don't do this to me, Kennedy. After what happened today, I could...No."

I planted my lips on his cheek, then along his jawline and down his neck. I suckled one side of his neck and caressed the other with my hand. "I trust you," I whispered against him. 

"Kennedy," he groaned. "You're crossing the point of no return."

My only response was to straddle his lap and kiss him again. His hands went up my shirt and caressed my back before traveling downward. He cupped my butt in his hands as I swerved my hips to grind myself against his growing erection. His boxer briefs were thin and allowed me to move against him more freely. I reveled in the feeling of his hard warmth against my sensitive cleft, grateful he decided to climb into the shower with me and get his uniform wet. 

"Why are you doing this to me, Ken? Why?" 

"Because I want you," I whispered in his ear. 

Holden growled and took the hair at the nape of my neck into his fist. "Where? I can go anywhere right about now."

"My bed."

He carried me, without a word, to my bedroom, dismissed Bentley and lay me across the bed. With a couple swift yanks, he rid me of my pants and shirt. "Never any panties or bra."

I shrugged. 

He crawled up the bed and I took the opportunity to pounce. I pushed him into the mattress and yanked his boxer briefs down. His manhood sprang forth and I took him into my mouth. 

"Son...of. A. Bitch," Holden growled as I devoured him. 

Until that moment, I always hated oral sex. I didn't like the feeling of the skin in my mouth, especially when it surrounded a flaccid member. Holden was rock hard and so warm...his skin soft. My mouth rocketed up and down the shaft as he fisted my hair. 

"Fuck. Bring it here, Ken. Bring it here." 

I knew what he meant this time, so I positioned my sex over his mouth. 

"Turn around," he said. 

I complied and he bent me over so my mouth hovered over his girth while his tongue infiltrated my folds. I swallowed his entire shaft. 

He grumbled his pleasure into my soaked cleft which made me moan. His cock jumped in my throat, but I continued to pleasure him. 

"Fucking shit. You're gonna unman me, Ken. Up. Up." I slid his cock out of my throat and kissed the tip. "Lay on your stomach," he instructed.

I swung my leg over and off him before lying face down, as he asked. 

"Ass up." 

I did as I was told and was rewarded with a swift slap to both cheeks. I squealed. 

"You, Kennedy, are one determined lady. But, whatever Miss Kennedy wants, Miss Kennedy gets," he said before sliding a finger into me. 

"Ohhhh," I crooned. 

"'Oh' is right. You're so wet for me." He plunged his finger deeper and quickened his stroking. "Let's see here," he stroked the walls of my vagina until he said, "aha. Hm. Hold on to the headboard, Ken." I gripped the nearest of the wrought iron posts as he added another finger into my warmth and fingered me in a rapid succession. 

I was unsure what sound left my mouth, but it was loud, and drawn out. I'd never felt such pleasure from one spot in my body before. Something built in the deep parts of my belly as Holden continued to work his fingers in me. 

"Holden, please."

"Fuck," he growled. "You know how hard it makes me when you say my name like that?"

He moved his fingers in me even faster and I lost it. My legs gave out as liquid left my body in hot spurts. I couldn't speak or move.

"Oh no, sweetheart. We're not even close to being done." 

Holden slammed his cock into me and I shouted into the pillow. No preamble, no bullshit. He filled me completely and it was an alien feeling. David wasn't "small" by any means, but Holden... "Oh. Shit." 

He wrapped my hair around his wrist as he pounded me from behind. He was relentless with his strokes as he pushed in all the way and almost completely withdrew himself, only to plunge back into me. "You. Don't. Know." Stroke, stroke. "What. You. Do...to me." Stroke, stroke. "How many times," he said before stroking his cock in me again, "I had to rub off some hard ones and still couldn't be sated. All I wanted was you." He pounded into me even harder—I didn't think it was possible. "You make me feel so good. Fuck." He pulled out of me, leaving me bereft. "Turn over." 

I lay on my back, looking up at him. His face was strained, his breathing erratic. He reached down and trailed his fingers along my bruises like he had earlier that night. His face grew soft as he looked down at me. 

"Holden?"

His eyes met mine as he lowered himself onto his forearms and filled me once again. I shouted into his neck while he sexed me in a rapid fire succession. 

"Legs." Holden told the truth when he told me he was bossy; but, I liked it. He was a man in control and who knew that he wanted. 

I wrapped my legs around his waist and he went even deeper into me. He shifted to the left and came in contact with the sweet spot from earlier. "Oh, God."

"Yeah. Fuck yeah. There it is. Come on, Ken. Give it to me, girl. Let it go."

Each stroke took me higher than the last pushing me to the height of the sexual mountain. 

"Don't fight me, Kennedy," he whispered harshly into my neck. He raised himself off his forearms, creating a space between us. Holden continued to pump in and out of me while reaching down with one hand to stroke my clit. 

My orgasm ripped through me, causing my back to bow off the bed. "Holden!" I shouted, grabbing his back. 

He kept stroking, and stroking...and stroking. 

My God...he's not done yet?

I had ridden the waves of my orgasm and another was building as I watched Holden take his pleasure from me. At that point, I got it. I understood why he wanted me on his face. He enjoyed seeing me lost in what pleasure I received. I could say the same for myself. I watched Holden thrust himself into me, his eyes glazing over the more he stroked. I wanted this for him.

"I want to try...something," he said, still pumping in and out of me. "Grab the posts. I'm pushing your legs up."

I didn't know if I was flexible enough, but as promised, he pushed my legs up by my ears and plunged into my warmth. "OHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!" Normally, I would have been surprised at the vulgar word that came out of my mouth, but I was lost. He was so deep inside of me...I'd never felt anything comparable to that before. 

"Don't let go. Oh...God. Ken. You feel so good." He took his bottom lip between his teeth and continued to piston in and out of me. 

"Holden," I sang his name as if it were a litany. "I-I can't."

He shook his head and continued to fuck me. "Almost. There."

I beat him "there". I squeezed my lips shut to stifle the cries my orgasm brought. My pussy contracted so hard my stomach started to ache. 

"Fucking shit, Kennedy," Holden roared as he rode out his orgasm. 

If my body had the strength, I was sure I would have had another orgasm as I watched Holden release himself into me. His eyes rolled back as he bit his bottom lip. He gave a final grunt before stilling inside of me. 

He released my legs. "Are you okay?" he asked after catching his breath. 

"Mhm," I hummed. 

He chuckled, stroking my ribs with his fingertips. I tried to reconcile the two men I had just witnessed. There was the carnal, sexually adept Holden; then, there was the Holden that looked at me with soft eyes and stroked my wounds with a feather-light touch. I liked both men. I loved the fact that he was multifaceted. 

"You're wasted. Here," he pulled the covers back for me and tucked me in. 

"I'm not wasted."

"Tell me you're not tired. Lie to me and say your muscles aren't feeling like jelly."

I wasn't going to lie, but I wasn't going to let him know the truth, either. "Was that rough? What we did?"

His chuckle was light. "Tip of the iceberg, love." 

My breath hitched despite my grogginess. "You held out on me?"

"With good reason. You're so wasted."

I cringed. "I hate that word."

"I don't mean wasted by alcohol consumption, Kennedy. You know that." 

I didn't answer. 

"You know that, right?"

"Yes, I know. I just...alcohol and its affects have plagued my family for a long time. I don't like anything that reminds me of alcohol."

"I'm sorry, Kennedy."

I felt the post-coital bliss from earlier slip from my fingertips, and it was all my fault. I just had to say something about the term 'wasted', knowing good and well Holden didn't mean anything by it. Maybe I wasn't over the events of the day as much as I thought. 

"Well, you probably already know all about it. You're a cop and all." I shrugged. 

"No," he sounded bemused. 

"You mean, you didn't look up all my information when you found out who I was?"

"I took the necessary information so I could find you and make you go out on a date with me. That was it." 

Honesty rang from every word he spoke; so much so, I had to look at him. His face was a testament to his concern. 

"What am I doing? What did I do to deserve you?" I asked, tears beginning to build in my eyes. 

"Kennedy? What? What's the matter?" he asked, pulling me on top of him and angling my face so I would have to look into his eyes. 

The tears streamed down my face and hit Holden in the chest. "I-I don't know. It must just be the stress from the day." I wiped my tears, avoiding his gaze. 

"Just rest, Kennedy. It's okay. It'll all get better."

I drifted off to sleep and realized it would take a while to get better. I dreamt of screams, broken glass, and my sister's cries for help. Again, David morphed into my father and my father into him; a nightmare that frequented me on stressful nights.

I could feel Holden's hands on me, trying to bring me back to the present, but I could not shake the effects of the dream. My body quaked and my face was soaked with tears. 

"Please, Kennedy, wake up," Holden said. 

"I'm awake," I said, breathlessly. "I'm up." I sat up, propping myself against the headboard, drawing the blanket up to cover my body; it did little to hide my naked soul. How much had I revealed? 

Holden disappeared and came back with a glass of water. He handed it to me before asking, "What is going on, Ken? Do you always have nightmares like this?"

I shook my head. 

He sighed. "Was it me? Was I too rough?"

"No, no. It's just something from my past."

"Your father?"

My body chilled. 

"You were saying stuff in your sleep. How can I help? Please, tell me what I can do." 

"Nothing. You can't do anything."

"Kennedy."

"No! What's done is done," I said, leaving the bed to clothe myself. 

"It was me." 

The pain in Holden's voice pierced through me. I turned to face him, and his head was hanging low, his eyes focused on something I could not see. 

"I knew it was too soon. I couldn't help it when you begged me like that. I'm sorry, Kennedy." 

"No, Holden," I said, moving toward him. "It wasn't you."

"Then why do you always react this way after I touch you? The first time we got intimate, you had a bad dream...now this? I terrify you." His face dropped into his waiting hands. "I knew I needed help. I pulled too much from you." 

"What? No! I don't regret a single thing we did tonight, Holden, you have to believe me." He didn't answer, so I kept talking. "It's David and his violence. It brings back memories of bad times for my family. The first time we were intimate was our second date, remember? David showed up and almost ruined the night. Then when I went to get my stuff he hurt me. He...he reminds me of my father."

Holden's head shot up. "You don't have to tell me if you don't feel comfortable. I don't want to put any more stress on you."

I saw what my admission did to him. Some light came back into his eyes; his mouth didn't droop as much. I gave him hope. It made me tell the story I kept within me for years. 

"My father was a severe alcoholic. My mother knew this when she married him, but he had money so there was no way she was letting him go. She's an opportunist, and he was her perfect chance at the life she always wanted. She had it all; the big house, the multi-carat ring, she even got her wish and was gifted with children. Richard had his drinking habits under control then, but he steadily progressed into something worse. 

"My mother saw, but she never said anything. Soon, my father's money began to dwindle, forcing my mother to get a job to help support the family. She worked and left me and my sister, Maitlynn, at home with him. That's when the abuse started. He looked past me—I was too old—and started in on my sister. He would throw his liquor bottles at the wall and shout for her to come to him. He would cuss at us both and touch her...do whatever he wanted to her for the night... and we fought him, until the night he almost killed me. He choked me until I stopped breathing. That's what tipped my mother off about what was going on. For years, she didn't know because neither of us could tell her. 

"He had taken my sister's virginity that night," I cried and Holden pulled me onto the bed and into a strong embrace. His arms held me together as I was about to crack. "I didn't see it, but I heard it. Her screams were different than before. They were more...guttural. She was in a lot of pain. I knew what he had done and I lost it. I don't know how, but I broke down the door. He still had his hand over my sister's mouth and his pants were around his knees. A decanter sat on my sister's nightstand with nothing but a swig of amber liquid left in it. We both took advantage of his surprise. 

"Maitlynn bit his hand while I jumped on his back and punched him over and over. He slung me off, but I never stopped trying to hurt him. I smelled the stench of alcohol on his breath as he huffed and puffed over me. Soon, he gave up trying to fight off my blows and went for the kill—literally. He choked me until all I could see what blackness and all I remembered was the smell of strong liquor. I blacked out but my sister utilized her freedom to grab the phone, lock herself in the bathroom and call 9-1-1." I shook my head. "Little Maitlynn just lost her virginity to her own father and still had the gumption to run for the phone as our dad was busy trying to hurt me. The police were at our house within no time and I was, obviously, saved."

Holden stroked my hair and rubbed my back. I could feel his muscles strained in his movements. I didn't know what he was thinking, but I continued my story. 

"That's why I don't tolerate any type of physicality and I hate cursing. The first time David was physical with me, I let it slide because he seemed to have remorse. I thought that made him different from my father, but I found it only made him worse. My father had no remorse for what he did. He thought he was entitled to my sister's body. David pretended to care, and to me, that is far worse than declaring yourself from the beginning." 

"You must hate me," Holden finally muttered. "I cuss, I'm a very physical lover. What am I doing to you? I can't let you be with me, Kennedy."

"No, Holden. With you, it's different. You're not cussing to demean me. You do it in the heat of passion and I like it," my cheeks heated at my confession. "I can tell the difference. Being with you...it's changed my views on passion and sex...I like what we've done so far."

He breathed a drawn out sigh before saying, "You have to tell me if I hurt you, Kennedy. You have to tell me if I do something that upsets you. I don't want to take you back to this place. This place is dark and makes you fearful. God," he huffed, "you have been so strong for me. For your sister. You've lost so much, Kennedy; even today. You lost your mother." He shook his head. 

"That was a long time coming. In a way, I think she blames us for what happened and why she's divorced. She blamed Richard for his drinking problem, but never for the sexual and physical abuse." 

"No...no. Come here," he said, even though I was already tucked neatly in his arms. He held me closer, his cheek against the crown of my head. "None of what happened is your, or your sister's, fault. If your mom thinks that, then she has no reason to be in your life and I'm glad she walked out of it."

"I'm glad she's gone, too. There is no reconciliation after something like that. What kind of mother wants their daughter to stay in an abusive relationship?"

"I don't know, Kennedy. I don't know." 

I sighed and let him continue to rock me. We didn't speak for quite some time, and when we did, it was only for him to tell me I fell asleep and he was just tucking me in. I guess after what I told him, he felt the need to tell me I wasn't being manhandled or something of the like. 

He tucked me under the covers and pulled me toward his chest; I'd never felt more secure.