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Crucifix: Longing Ch. 01

By: Browniepoints



Dear Reader...This is the second story in a three part series with the prefix title 'Crucifix'. And no...they are not OVERTLY religious, but they do have an undercurrent of it...and all the main characters WEAR crucifixes. 

That in mind, should you be reading this, without having read the first story, Crucifix: Temptation, you may want to read it first as it will help to bridge some of the information dealing with one of the main characters. Oh, and if you are absolutely loath to reading stories that aren't immediately 'wham bam let's have sex again, Sam'...maybe this isn't the story for you. But if you're game...please, enjoy! Browniepoints.

{...} indicate the thoughts of the speaker.

****

CHAPTER 1. ERIN

"What's this one?" Dr. Crystina Shepherd, called out to the paramedic rushing to get the gurney situated in the trauma bay.

"Female, 22, named Erin Durant."

"In the pile up on the bypass?"

"Yes."

"Vitals?"

He looked down at the chart that lay on Erin's chest. "BP 140 over 100. Pulse 110. Thrown from the vehicle. No seat belt. Landed in the ditch. She was unconscious when we got there. Came out of it for a while, but fell back. Shallow breathing, left lung collapse. Inserted a chest tube and intubated en route. Broken right femur, left tibia. Right humorous. That's all we could see off hand, doctor." 

Dr. Shepherd looked down at the thin bloodied body which lay strapped to the backboard. She called to the unconscious girl, "Erin, can you hear me? Erin?" With her penlight out, she opened Erin's eyes and flashed the bright light across her pupils, smiling slightly when she saw a positive reaction. Dr. Shepherd was surprised to see that Erin's eyes were a deep golden yellow. A color so rare she'd only seen it once before...for real that is. Crystina double checked to see if her patient was wearing contacts as they'd have to be removed. {Damn, they're real.}

Even through the broad straps, blood, and dirt, Dr. Shepherd could tell that Erin Durant was a pretty girl. And she was. Erin was about five feet nine and was barely one hundred thirty pounds and not one bit of it was fat. It was pure muscle. Her hair was a soft, wavy auburn and her skin was creamy white. She obviously spent very little time out in the sun. A plus in today's world, well, at least for those concerned about skin cancer. 

"Erin. If you can hear me, I need you to open your eyes." Dr. Shepherd placed her icy cold, gloved hand on Erin's shoulder. "Erin, open your eyes for me, okay."

The shock of cold on Erin's hot skin caused her eyes to fly open. {What the Hell? What's going on? Where am I?} The harsh white lights pierced her eyes, causing her to squint. Erin tried to open her mouth to talk, but couldn't. She tried to lift her head, but couldn't. Her arms, but couldn't. She became frantic and tried to squirm free of whatever it was that restrained her.

"Erin, you need to calm down." Dr. Shepherd looked at the nurse to her side and then back down at her patient, "Erin you're in the trauma center at Grady Memorial. You were in a car accident, Erin. Do you remember the accident?"

{What in the hell is she talking about? Accident? Trauma center? God, my head. Why can't I move my head? Shit, I'm going to miss the party. I'm going to miss my own party. I've gotta go. Damn, why does my head hurt? God.} Erin stared up at the shadowy figure. She knew it was a woman, the voice told her as much, but as far as beyond that Erin had no clue. {Am I dreaming? Wake up. Erin, wake up!}

Erin started to cough, something was in her throat. It hurt. {What is that? Can't breathe. Oh, God, I can't breathe.} Her coughing became more frenzied. 

"Erin, you've got to settle down. It's a tube to help you breathe. We're going to take it out in just a few minutes, okay, Erin. Just relax." Dr. Shepherd touched Erin's cheek, "You're alright. But you've got to calm down." She watched as the panic stricken girl tried to thrash herself free from the binding which held her prisoner. She knew her patient was coming to realize how badly her body hurt as a pained grimace set up on her young face.

And, dear God, did she ever hurt. It was pain unlike she'd ever felt before. Erin's chest felt like someone had stabbed her clear through to her core. Her arm pulsed with such an intensity she thought she was going to die and her head. Dear God, had someone smashed her head into a wall? {Accident? Wait. The car. James. Where's James? I hurt. Help me. Help me. HELP ME!}

The pain was so intense, Erin fell back into a blessed state of unconsciousness. The darkness that surrounded her brought with it a quiet peace. The words that she kept hearing around her swam through her dreams. {legs... James... broken ... Randy... Karen... neck...} Erin's subconscious mind sent her somewhere else, somewhere away from the chaos and confusion that clouded her thoughts....................

******

....................The sound of applause filled Erin's ears and the sight of the audience standing as they brought their hands together in appreciation and admiration of her performance was staggering. She graciously took one of the lavish bouquets from the stage manager. Erin inhaled the fragrant flowers and beamed at the crowd which rewarded her hard work with their smiles, claps, and shouts of 'brava'.

As Giselle, she'd moved them. As a dancer, she'd arrived. As a woman, she was in love. She looked over at James as he stood in the wings applauding her. Erin could think of nothing but the moment. The joy. 

The curtain closed for the final time and Erin turned to her fellow cast mates and beamed. Karen ran onto the stage, "Marvelous! I can't believe it. You were awesome!" Karen grabbed her little sister around the waist and squeezed her. "I'm so proud of you! God, you were so good!"

"Thank you, Karen. Oh, thank you!" Erin spun around on her pointes and felt like she could fly. "I can't believe it. It was amazing, wasn't it?" She looked once more over at James and then back at her sister, "Sorry, Karen." She ran to him. 

Karen shook her head and remembered how silly she was when she and Randy were getting close to their wedding date. {Ah, youth. A couple of years and a couple of kids and that'll slow down.}

James shook his head too, only it wasn't in recognition of Erin's youth, rather it was to prepare himself to catch her. No, he wasn't a dancer, but he definitely spent his fair share of time dancing with her, so to say. He held his arms open and felt her jump into him. As her legs wrapped around his midsection, the intense passion he felt while watching her perform and having her so close to him was overwhelming. And, God, she was so light. He imagined holding her must be like holding a fairy. "God, Erin, you're magnificent." 

"Thank you, James. So are you." Erin looked at him and could see the love he held for her burning behind his inky black eyes. She felt him pressing against her. Erin smiled and whispered in his ear, "James, I think you're feeling very good. Right?"

"Yes." He grinned at her, "I can't help it. It must be your costume. Maybe it's your hair. Or maybe, I'm just fucking in love with you Erin." He pressed his lips tenderly against hers and felt her lips part beneath the pressure of his. 

His silky tongue mingled with hers and she could taste a hint of bourbon. "Let's go with that last one, James...I like it best." He was divine. And she was swept away in the moment. The applause, the adoration, and those eyes of his made her want to feel him in her. "God, James, I love you so much." Erin wanted to push him into a darkened corner of the theatre and let him kiss her from head to toe. She started to tug on his tie. "Let's go. Right now. Please...please."

"Erin, settle down, baby. You've got to go to the party and say your 'thank yous'. And when you're done," he kissed her earlobe and sucked on it a little, too, "I'm all yours. I promise."

"Oh, you're no fun! Come on, James. I know you want to." Erin whispered in his ear. "Please. I'm begging. Please." She slowly sucked on his earlobe in return for his kisses.

"Jesus Christ, Erin, please don't do this here." James could fall headfirst into her golden eyes when she begged. And he could feel her slowly moving her hips against him and it was driving him crazy. "Damn, damn, damn." James turned and headed toward her dressing room.

Randy Chambers, Erin's brother, unexpectedly interrupted the couple in the dimly lit corridor. "Erin...James. Oh, shit. God, I'm sorry. I...uh...I," he was at a loss for words. He looked at Erin and was rapt in her beaming smile. Something about Erin always made him a hot and watching her leisurely rocking her hips against James was making him hurt. {Goddamn, why can't Karen do that?}

"Oh, Randy," Erin grinned at him, "did you need me?" She knew he'd wanted her since the first day he'd met her and she always made him suffer for it, too. While she adored him, he was a great husband and a superior father, she did get a kick out of seeing him squirm. And was he ever squirming. 

Randy looked at his feet and then back up at her, "I...uh...sorry, Karen wanted to know when...," he looked at James and then back at Erin, "you know, I'll just tell her you'll be a few minutes." Randy cleared his throat, "Or...maybe longer. Yeah, longer. I'll just tell her that." He turned quickly and started off in the other direction.

James could hear Erin giggling, "Erin, you're going to kill him one day! Poor guy's gonna just have a fucking heart attack." But deep inside, James loved it. He loved knowing that she could make Randy, who had to be stuffiest banker in all of Atlanta, so hard he could barely walk. James especially loved knowing that she was his and no one else's. "Ok, you win, Erin. Let's go have some fun." James set her down and almost stumbled himself when he realized how hard he'd become as she pulled him toward her dressing room.

For someone so very tiny, Erin certainly was one strong girl. She practically dragged him down the hallway to the room and slammed the door quickly behind them. "Damn, girl, slow down." Erin tugged on his belt and fell to her knees. "Erin, calm down. Baby. I'm not going anywh...hey! Hey, what are you doing?"

James knew exactly what she was doing. And he fell into the wall when he felt her lips on his hot head. "Holy shit! Oh, my God, Erin." He could feel her giggling through his shaft. She was amazing. And she was all his. James leaned back more, relaxed against the wall and let her have her way with him. 

She ran her tongue up and down his hot cock and then kissed his aching balls. James tried to speak, but had to wait for her to slow down a bit. "Goddamn, Erin. That's so good." He could barely catch his breath as her tongue lovingly tortured him.

Erin stopped her assault and looked up at him. "You like it? You want more? Baby, you want more, don't you?" She gazed up at him with her wide, innocent looking eyes on an even sweeter face. Then she put her finger to the tip of his cock and lifted up a drop of his silky precum and put it to her lips. Then she licked her finger tip as though she were getting the last taste of some tasty dish. "Tell me, baby, you want more don't you?"

James looked down into her stunning golden eyes. He couldn't believe how astonishingly beautiful she was. He could barely whisper the word, "Yes." Then James inhaled deeply and felt his own eyes closing as her lips reclaimed him. 

Erin started to suck on him and could feel all the muscles in his legs tense up with her gentle motion. She milked him so softly he wanted to cry. He placed his hand lightly on her head, stroking her silky hair, and could feel her moving over him. God, he wanted to cum in her so badly. But he wanted it to go on and on, too. It was truly the most magnificent anguish any man would dream to endure.

And through it, James tried so hard to not grab her hair and force her head down further on him. He knew she hated that. Erin had one rule, 'she was in charge...until she let him be.' It was such a delightfully simple rule, for such a delightfully intimate thing. It was as though she could hear is soul crying out for more. Erin relaxed her neck. And he started to move her as he pleased. James couldn't imagine there was anything better. Well, maybe being inside her. Yes, that was amazing to, but on a wholly different level.

He wove his hands within her hair and started to push and pull her back and forth. And she never stopped moving that amazing tongue of hers. James closed his eyes and let himself fly away. He was soaring and it felt so good. James could feel her sucking him with greater vigor as he came in her loving mouth. She was drinking him, taking him in like a glass of sweet brandy and he couldn't believe how long his orgasm lasted within her brilliant mouth.

When she felt that there was no more of him to swallow, Erin gently stopped sucking him and looked up into his eyes. She slinked up his torso and kissed him, "I want you in me, James, now, please."

The taste of him on her lips and in her mouth made her weak, "Yes, baby, yes." He put his arms around her and together they started to remove her bodysuit which clung to her every curve like some amazing second skin. "I need to be in you."

Erin felt him sucking on her exposed breasts and wanted to cry out in utter joy. But all she could do was whisper, "God, James, I want you in me...I do, I do." She felt his hands tug the suit down further.

"Yes, baby, yes." James grinned up at her and slid the costume down her hips. He could smell the wanton lust that came from her most delicate, most treasured center and he had to have a taste. He put his lips to her and gently licked her. She tasted divine, angelic. And he wanted more.

Erin laid back and relaxed. She felt his tongue glide across her. She ached for him, and God it felt so good. So good ....................

***

.................... Erin could feel someone or something jostling her. {Stop. Stop! STOP!} She felt a sharp pain rip through her arm and wanted to scream. But she couldn't. {What's happening to me?} She opened her eyes and could see that she was inside a huge machine. {God, what's going on? Where am I?} Hot tears streamed down her face. 

She heard a soft male voice calling to her, "Erin." He sounded miles away. "Erin, you're going to hear some loud clicking. You're going to be alright. Just breathe and try to stay still." She tried to squirm herself free but the pain and restraints kept her from moving more than a hair. 

Erin heard his voice once again, only it was stronger and must more authoritative, "Erin, you have to try and be still. I know you're in pain. I promise that we'll be done soon. We just have to check your chest and abdomen."

With her eyes closed and tear streaming down her face, Erin tried her best to relax. But the sound from the machine was deafening. She was in so much pain. And her throat hurt so badly, like someone had shoved a burning pipe wrapped in sandpaper down her throat then yanked it out of her with little sympathy. But at least she could breathe easier, even if it was painful. {Mom? James? Somebody? Please tell me what's going on?} She closed her eyes to the sound and the pain....................

*****

.................... "Come on you two." Karen said loudly as she knocked on the door to Erin's dressing room. "We've got to go. They're waiting for you at the party. You can do whatever it is you're doing later. Erin, really, Mama and Daddy are at the restaurant already. I'm sorry. Please..." 

James rolled off of Erin, shook his head, sighed and started to button his shirt. "Sorry, Baby. Your public awaits." He got up off the floor and looked down at his beautiful, sexually charged fiancée and sighed once more, only much deeper.

"I don't care about my public." Erin rolled her eyes and looked dejected. If they just had fifteen more minutes, she could have had him in her, had him pound her mercilessly. He could have filled her. But no, not now. {Damn it!}

"Yes you do. You live for them!" James laughed as he grabbed his somewhat satisfied cock and slid it back inside his slacks, "And as for me, I live for you, Erin." He reluctantly zipped up his pants and reattached his belt. 

Erin stood there before him almost completely naked, save her tights and pointes. Her breasts, which had been pressed so tightly against her body in that damn suit, practically screamed to be caressed and loved. "Shit! I've been waiting so long!"

James laughed, "Long? You call a day long? Baby, there are people who go for months, nay, years even without having sex. I should amend that and add, sex with other people that is. Masturbation, while not the desired route for many, is the only path they know."

Erin laughed at him and pulled off the rest of her suit. "Nay? Amend? Who the hell says 'nay', James? And the masturbation thing...that's pretty insightful. Geeky, but insightful."

"Well, call me a geek if you must. I am an English professor, remember? We geeky profs love to use words that sound amazing but really don't mean much more than the shorter, less geeky words you know. Or did you forget that little fact about my career choice, baby?" He kissed her forehead as she started to undo her pointes. 

"Yeah, yeah!" Oh, she knew exactly what he did for a living. After all, she'd been his student. She'd never forget how stunned she was when she walked into her Modern Literature class last year after missing the first two classes and saw Professor James Richmond standing at the front of the room. 

He was an absolute dream. Dark hair, dark eyes and olive colored skin. And he was so tall and slender. She loved that, especially since she was fairly tall herself. And besides, Erin absolutely hated dating 'regular' college guys. They were always so immature. 

However, when she saw James, her heart skipped about five beats. He was forty and she'd just turned twenty two. And her whole life was devoted to dancing; so, 'other' things sort of fell to the wayside. But Erin needed to pass this class and missing the first two sessions was not a good way to get an 'A'. She had to graduate or she wouldn't get her trust fund until she was twenty seven. Goddamn Great Aunt Lavinia!

In a fit of desperation, Erin decided to use the grace that God gave her to her advantage. She might not get an 'A' but she sure as hell was going to smile, wink and giggle her way to a 'C'. If she worked at it, maybe she could pull off a 'B'. And Professor Richmond definitely deserved a few smiles, winks and giggles.

On that first day, when she took a seat right in front of him, Erin knew that she had an effect on him because he tugged at his collar and cleared his throat every time he looked at her. Yes, she decided right then and there that she'd not miss anymore of this class. 

And she didn't. Not one single class. In fact, she showed up early on many occasions. But it didn't really help. Erin was totally lost. And no amount of studying or reading was going to help her. She just couldn't get the whole concept of modern literature. She didn't really care who influence whom or whether or not they are 'valid' sources for current writers. 

Sadly, no amount of flirting with the teacher seemed to really help, either (or so she thought). Oh, there were guys who had wanted to help her study, but that's not what they really wanted to 'help' her with. God, they were all so childish, too, with their stupid come-on lines. 

But, as she sat there staring down at her test paper, she wanted to just offer herself up to Professor Richmond as a sacrificial lamb, maybe he'd show mercy and pass her that way. {Come on Erin, think. Think!}

James sat on the edge of his desk and watched two more students leave the room. "Miss Durant?" He looked down at her, waiting patiently for his last student to finish the test on Fitzgerald's influence on current trends in literature. He knew she was totally lost and he wanted to help her so badly. {God, James, just stop the poor girl} He spoke up again, "Miss Durant...Erin?" 


Crucifix: Longing Ch. 01



"Yes, sir?" Erin hated taking tests. Hated having to prove that she wasn't an idiot. She wasn't stupid, but it was just so difficult for her. And tests drove her nuts.

His voice was soft and kind, "Are you going to finish your test?"

"Uh, yes, sir. Eventually. Maybe?" Erin stared at the blue book in front of her, waiting for some type of epiphany to occur. {Shit! Damn! Erin, you are so fucking stupid}

James really liked Erin Durant and watching her struggle tore at his heart. No, on second thought, he didn't like her. No, no. James Richmond, once divorced, was utterly smitten with the statuesque ballerina who was taking his class because it fit into her schedule and because the class wasn't filled to capacity. 

Why, he'd even gone to see her perform in the Atlanta Ballet's 'Sleeping Beauty'. Though she wasn't a lead, she was so beautiful. "Erin," he stood and approached her, "if you were lost, why didn't you just ask me for help?"

"Lost, me? I...uh...ok, I'm totally lost." Tears started to form in her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just that, I've had a terrible week. God! I'm sorry." Erin got up and dashed down the hall to the ladies room. When she collected herself and stepped back out into the hall, Erin was more than a little shocked to see Professor Richmond sitting on the couch across from the restrooms. {What? Good grief. Damn.} "Sorry, Professor Richmond."

When he stood up Erin suddenly felt very small, which was odd, because she wasn't short. She also felt somewhat underdressed in her mini-skirt and tank top. Funny, she was never nervous about how she looked before. Then, when she looked up into his eyes, she saw him looking back at her with his intoxicatingly deep brown, almost black, eyes, and her heart started to race. {Jesus, he is so good looking.} 

James Richmond glanced around and said, "Miss Durant. Erin." He ran his hands through his hair and continued, "Do you want to try and finish your test?" 

Erin's heart sank, "Yeah, I guess so." 

James directed her back down the hall to the small classroom. "Relax, Erin. It's not like I'm going to fail you or something." He cleared his throat, "I mean it's just one test. That...that's what I mean."

Erin slunk back down into her seat and picked up her pen. She wished she was anywhere but there. She just knew that Professor Richmond thought she was stupid. {Goddamn, Erin. Why'd you take this class? You're a fucking dip!} She stared at the bluebook. Erin could feel Professor Richmond standing behind her and she could barely hold her pen. {Shit!}

When she felt his hands on her shoulders, she jumped, but only slightly. Erin closed her eyes and let go of the cheap writing utensil she'd been cursing ever since she saw the first question. He massaged her tense shoulders and it felt so good. His hands were so strong but very tender. 

James could feel her tension melt away beneath his gentle kneading. He didn't mean to do it. She just looked so tired, so worn. He wanted to comfort her. But he knew the moment he placed his hands on her that he'd crossed the line. It was one thing to think of touching her, it was an altogether different thing to actually have her skin beneath his hands.

James could feel himself growing hard as he moved his hands across her soft, smooth flesh. And when Erin tilted her head back, completely awash in his comforting touch, he was certain that he couldn't turn back. And even if he could, he wasn't sure he would want to.

It was so wrong. God, she was his student and she was so young; but, something about just being around her made him feel so alive. He'd not been so eager to go to teach in God only knows how long. The thought of her looking up at him with that beautiful face made him 'want' to teach. James knelt and kissed her neck then heard a soft moan fall from her lips. That was it. He had to have her. Had to feel her skin on his. Had to feel her lips against his. Had to feel himself inside her. 

Erin wanted him, too. She turned in her seat and looked into his deep eyes. She'd been watching him for the past five weeks, every Tuesday and Thursday, for an hour and a half. And he was so amazingly smart, it scared her. But for some reason, Erin was drawn to him like a fly to sugar.

James pulled her up to him and laughed just slightly as the bluebook she'd been so desperate to fill with something, anything, fell to the floor. He looked into her eyes and came so close to her, he could feel the heat radiating from her body. "Erin, I...uh...I...God, you're so beautiful. I want you. I...I know it's wrong, but, dear God, I want you."

Erin didn't say a word she just closed her eyes as he put his lips to hers. They were so warm, so inviting. She felt safe with him. Her lips parted allowing him to taste her. Erin savored the taste of him and felt her arms sliding up around him, almost as if by instinct.

She felt him lift her with such ease, much like Baker, principle male dancer with the company, would pick her up. Only James didn't intend to set her lightly down and watch her pirouette away. 

As he moved with her, he could feel her tugging at his shirt and slacks and knew she was literally searching for a way to get into his pants. He didn't want to wait to get to the floor. He pressed Erin up against the wall and felt her cool, slim hand take his cock. A very pleasant chill raced down his back.

He was fraught to get into her. Like his very life depended upon it. James could barely catch his breath as their tongues played with one another and his hands searched her body for a way to get her shirt off. 

Erin understood his wanton anguish completely and felt it herself. The tension she'd built up during the test and his comforting hands had released something within her. It was something deeper than just wanting to have sex. She needed to have him. She lifted her arms and the snug fitting tank-top she wore came up over her head and could see the joy in James' eyes when her breasts came into view.

James put his lips on her breasts and couldn't believe how very soft they were, how firm, how round. They weren't large, but definitely enough to fill a man's desires. His mind flew to his ex-wife, Denise. She was pretty, but damn, she was nothing compared to Erin. Nothing. James wanted to melt into her.

Erin felt him pull her skirt up and started to search for her panties. She smiled and started to blush. "They make panty lines...I hate them." 

He looked up and grinned, "Dear God, thank you." James felt her leg wrap around his and he put one hand down beneath her tight, smooth ass and lifted her. She slid onto him with such fluidity he was overwhelmed with the sensation and lost his breath. "Damn, yes. Erin..." He kissed her and pushed into her, pinning her solidly between his body and the wall.

She immediately felt a surge of passion and lust and unbridled sexual desire flood her senses. Her other leg wrapped around him and she started to forcefully rock her hips into his; struggling to get him deeper within her. Erin closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. {God, yes. This is unbelievable} And she was positioned in such a way so that he rubbed directly and forcefully on her swollen clit with every thrust. Erin held onto him for dear life.

She could feel the sweat building up beneath his shirt and wanted to feel his skin. Erin slid her hands down the soft cottony material and then back up, beneath it. She could feel his sweat on her fingers as she ran her hands up and down his back. 

James was in heaven and was aware of a mind-boggling sense of euphoria building up within him. He kissed Erin's neck and ear and then whispered, "Erin, God, I can't hold off much longer." He wanted to cry knowing that it would soon end, and when she lifted her head and looked up at him with those haunting golden eyes of hers, he winced. It would soon end.

Erin kissed him so deeply and with such abandon, she started to lose herself. Her hips started to rock harder, more fervently and she whispered, "Now, now." That was it. She felt him start to pound into her so powerfully it actually hurt her back. And she didn't even care. The pain, coupled with the intense pleasure, only added to the sensation. She felt herself explode and she dug her nails into his back to ride out the wave.

James couldn't hold it any longer and her clawing his back brought out the animal nature in him. He slammed her into that wall so powerfully and he didn't really care. James felt his darker side emerge from the depths of his soul to claim her and he wanted, nay, needed to make her his. He came with such force, he was practically blinded. But, if one had to be forced to a life of darkened days, the figured the light he saw at that one moment in time was well worth a lifetime of nightfall. ....................

******

.................... "Erin, please wake up. Mama's here. Please." 

Erin's eyes flew open. She stared at her mother and thought how odd it was that she was in her bedroom. {Aren't you supposed to be at the beach? Where's Dad?} Erin tried to sit, but couldn't summon the strength. {What the...?} "Mom?" Her voice was so raspy. She looked down and saw a cast on her arm. Further investigation let her know that her she was in a hospital room. She whispered, "Mom, what's going on?" 

"God, baby, Erin." Her mother showered her with kisses. "You're awake. Thank God." Chaselyn Durant looked at her youngest daughter, "Baby, you were in a car accident. Don't you remember?"

Erin looked into her mother's weary brown eyes and tried to comprehend what was going on. She heard her father's voice. "Here you go Lyn, two sugars." Merle Durant handed his wife her coffee and kissed his daughter, "Hey, Sweetie, I'm so glad you're awake."

Slowly, like someone watching light dance across the surface of water of water being unhurriedly drawn from a deep well, the realization of what her mother said came to her ....................

******

.................... The darkness of the night was interrupted by rhythmic flashes of muted light from the tall poles that dotted the always busy roadway along the I-85 corridor in Atlanta. James sat in the back of the black Tahoe with Erin by his side. She was wearing a short skirt and a tank top, just like that first time. 

Only this time he knew she had nothing on underneath and it was making him insane. He could tell that Karen had fallen asleep and saw that Randy kept darting his eyes up into the rearview mirror, hoping to steal a glance at something, anything, that might be going on. James leaned over to her and whispered, "God, I want you." 

Erin grinned at him and unfastened her seatbelt. She slid closer and took his hand. "Shhh...." She slid his hand between her legs and let him feel how wet she was. She watched him close his eyes and lean back into the seat. She was torturing him. It was fun. She draped her right leg across his lap and whispered, "I want you, too." 

He looked down at her and could see the base of her firm little butt peaking out from beneath her designer skirt. And she very slightly shifted her hips back and forth against his leg. It was just enough so he could feel the subtle pressure. James slid two fingers deep within her and started to move them just as slowly as she moved her hips. "James," Erin whispered as she put her hand on his zipper and slowly tugged, "fill me up with you." She nuzzled his neck and kissed him, "Please."

"Jesus, Erin." James slid a third finger deeper in her and could feel that she was getting wetter with every passing moment. And her rocking became more deliberate. His fingers would not suffice for either of them. He wanted his cock to slide into her so badly. James withdrew his hand and couldn't get her on top of him fast enough. He unfastened his seatbelt and reached for her.

James lifted her and placed her on him, impaling her, for all intents and purposes, and James didn't care if Randy saw. And he knew Randy would look, too. Thank God, Karen was still asleep because he knew that Erin would have never been so forward nor would she have let him fuck her right there where they could be seen. Erin held her sister's regard in high esteem and wouldn't dare do anything to offend her. Yes, thank God, Karen was asleep. James was so hungry for Erin.

Erin felt him slide into her the way he always did, so hard, so thick, so deep, and she felt a jolt of energy surge through her. She rested her head on his shoulder and started to rock her hips into him. All those years of dancing had given her an amazing ability to shift the weight in her midsection and she knew exactly how much pressure to apply so that the both of them could feel amazingly good. 

James had been so hard, so wound up thinking of her, he wanted to slam himself into her. But she wouldn't let him. Every time James would start to press up into her, Erin would lift herself up so he couldn't get the pleasure he was seeking. "Erin, please let me." 

"No." She grinned, "I want you to savor it, baby. Just sit back." 

"Yes, Erin, whatever you say, yes." James loved it. He reached up with his left hand and grabbed the handhold above the door. He placed his other hand on her shoulder and gently pushed her down on him. He felt her start to rock a bit faster. He whispered, "Yes, Erin. God, that feels so good." He inhaled deeply. 

Erin turned slightly to see if Randy had his eyes on the road. But he didn't. She could see him glancing into the rearview mirror much more than he needed to. Erin smiled. {Watch this, Randy.} She turned and whispered, "James, fill me. Please." Erin started to rock so fast she knew that James wouldn't be able to keep from going off inside her like some crazed madman.

James took his hand from the grip and it automatically went to her shoulder so as to compliment his other hand on her shoulder. He pushed her down on him with great force, "Yes, Baby, yes." He started to slam himself up into her with such vigor he was sure he'd explode in her in seconds. But no, he held on to it, pushed himself to the very edge and hovered there. He kept pounding her. {Amazing, absolutely amazing.}

And Randy was watching them. Well, as much as he dared. It had started to rain and he had to focus on the road. But he could hear them. He listened to Erin's high pitched little gasping moans and to James' low deep grunts. Randy got so hard. He glanced over at Karen and then back into the rearview mirror. 

Randy shifted in the seat and then had to unzip his pants. He simply had to. They were hurting him. He slid his hand inside and started to stroke himself. {Jesus, oh God, this is so crazy. But, damn. Damn} He could see James' hands on Erin's back and could see her rising and falling. Then he heard James inhale deeply and Erin's moaning become more intense and much longer in duration. He knew they were climaxing together. And Randy wanted to bring himself to it as well, but knew he shouldn't or rather, couldn't. It was so dangerous. But, God Almighty, it felt good.

James felt the road change beneath the tires as the car exited the interstate. And he gritted his teeth so that he could be quiet and focus on Erin. He loved to watch her, especially when she was trying to be quiet as well. He knew it killed her. He knew she wanted to scream her head off. But she wouldn't, not there. Not when Karen could hear. But James knew she would think it was hotter knowing that Randy could hear. 

James could see the look of ecstasy on Erin's face. And he could feel her muscles tightening around him. It was amazing. It made his orgasm so much better. He pumped her full of him. Soon, they'd be married. But not soon enough for him, he would have gone right then, at that exact moment, and married her; but, she wanted the whole 'white wedding thing' and he wasn't about to deny her.

As Erin's orgasm started to wane, she felt a sense of calm overtake her. And only James could bring that in her. "I love you, Jamie. Thank you." Erin kissed him, "I love you so much." She reluctantly lifted herself from him and smiled as James as he handed her his handkerchief. Always a gentleman. 

James smiled back and carefully put his now fully satisfied cock back in his pants. "No, Love, thank you. And gentle...hard...whatever you like." He chuckled. 

Erin reached for her seatbelt, "How close are you...er...we, Randy?" She looked over at James and he was wearing his, 'Erin, stop being a tease' look. She started to laugh but stopped when she and saw the lights coming towards them. {What? God. No!} 

Time slowed to a snail's pace. "James!" She screamed and saw him turn to look out his window. But it was too late. Erin threw her hands up to protect herself from the oncoming vehicle. The force of the impact blew her door open and she flew out of the car and down into a ditch. She could hear someone screaming. And then she realized it was her own voice she heard. Time caught back up with her. "James," she whispered and closed her eyes....................

******

.................... Erin looked up at her mother and squeezed her eyes as tears started to roll down her cheeks, "Mama, James...where's James?"

Chaselyn glanced from her daughter over to her husband, Merle. "James," she shook her head and choked out the words, "Baby. Erin, James...uh...James."

Merle said it. He said it because it had to be said, "Baby, Erin." Her father held back the tears, ". Erin, honey, James was killed. But Karen and Randy are okay. Broken, but okay."

Erin stopped listening after the word 'killed'. The words sliced through Erin's soul and she felt as though all the life in her, the very essence of her, was rushing through the gaping wound. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Erin wanted to get up and run away. But she couldn't. Her legs weren't moving.

Erin glanced down and saw the cast on her right leg and looked over at her left leg. It had a half cast. She took a deep breath. {God, my legs. They're broken} Then Erin realized something. She knew her legs were broken, just like her arm, but...she couldn't feel them. {NO! NO! NO!}



Crucifix: Longing Ch. 02



This is the second chapter of Crucifix: Longing. Please note that there are references to the main character's sister. If you've not read Crucifix: Temptation, you might want to as it will help you understand the 'William' character a bit better. 

Enjoy,

Browniepoints

CRUCIFIX: LONGING 

{...} indicate the speaker's thoughts

CHAPTER 2. MEET WILLIAM

"Jeez, Will, if you don't stay still, I'm never going to get this right." Adam Bardole spoke with false anger towards his best friend as he worked to get the mold of Williams' leg done. "You know, if I screw this up Will, you're going to have to be here for another hour. And I'll be here for two more hours. But that's not gonna happen, buddy. Nope. Gotta meet Candice at the store. It's our anniversary. One of them. That's what she...implied."

William Fitzpatrick rolled his eyes jokingly. But he knew Adam was right, he needed to stay still. After all, Adam was the best custom prosthetics maker in Atlanta; and, William didn't want to screw up this. The Atlanta Marathon was five months away and he wanted to be ready for it. He needed his prosthetic running leg to be just as good as his daily walking leg. "Yeah, yeah. I hear you."

"Seriously. It's the sixth anniversary, at least I think, of our first time, or first kiss or, hell, I don't know. Hell, it's some fucking anniversary. I just know it's not our wedding anniversary. That's a good two weeks away. Either way, I'm getting laid tonight, and you're not getting in my way." Adam burst out laughing as he checked the timer for the casting agent.

William sighed and shook his head, "Okay, okay. See, I'm stiff as a board. Apparently not as stiff as your board, but I'll be still, okay? Oh, and Dare, it's next Wednesday, genius." He pointed to the calendar and absent-mindedly stared at the pictures which hung on the wall beside the calendar in Adam's workroom. William looked at the pictures of his best friend with collegiate track medals around his neck. 

Adam's eyes grew large as he turned to the calendar, "Fuck. I'm so screwed."

William laughed vaguely as he more intently looked at the pictures. His mind wandered and tried to recapture the feeling of medals around his own neck. But it was so long ago, when he was seventeen. 

Yes, that could have been him in those pictures. It could have been... 'if'... 'If'... is such a powerful word. 'If" is a word that could change the course of history 'if' it was possible. 

But 'ifs' and 'wishes' don't really happen, do they? Because, 'if' Mark Trenton hadn't been drinking. 'If' Mark Trenton hadn't been driving. 'If' God had intervened. 'If' only... 

William looked down at his right leg, well, what remained of it. He thought of his parents and how they died that night nearly nine years ago. He used to wish he'd died along with them. But then he thought of his sister. 

He adored his big sister. Claudia was everything a kind and loving woman should be. She was the type of woman William could only dream of having...even though he was quite content with his current relationship. 

William's admiration for Claudia grew immensely when she showed that she was willing to give up her life, her love, essentially, everything to care for her little brother. But, as Fate would have it, she didn't have to. Brody Anderson, the man with whom she'd fallen in love, the man who's child she had carried for so long without his knowing, came back into her life. Which, by default, put him into William's world, too.

He'd never forget the night Brody jerked him around and said, 'Fucking grow up, kid. This is the real world, welcome to it. It's time for you to get over yourself and grow up. I know you're mad as hell at everything right now, but sitting here playing video games and belittling your sister isn't going to make you feel any better.' 

They were harsh words. But they were the truth. William could have wallowed in his own personal quagmire of pity and loathing. He could have continued to blame so many people. The restaurant that served Mark Trenton his first and second drink. The bar where he got two or three more. The 'Quick and Go' where he bought the six pack. Joyce Trenton for leaving her husband. William's own father, for taking the shortcut. And for a while, William even blamed God for letting it all happen. 

But, his faith was the one thing he refused to let become tarnished by something that was beyond his control. It was the one thing he refused to give up on. It was the one thing that had remained a constant in his life. It was the one thing that was there so long before him and it would be there longer, still, after him. That was assured. 

Besides, he knew that if he chose to blame an omnipotent being for his own personal anguish then he was setting himself up for a lifetime of anger, doubt and sadness. And William decided he was already pretty damn fucked up, so why make it worse? So, he put it behind him. Well, as best he could. 

But it was hard and it took a lot of time. Losing the leg was one thing, but learning to walk all over again, that was a horse of an entirely different color. He'd never forget the first step he took with his bulky prosthetic limb. 

It was a day etched into his memory like some bad tattoo acquired during a drunken night at Spring Break. Not because it was a 'cool thing' but rather it was because, he fell flat on his face immediately after taking his first step, just like some poor inebriated sot would do when he stood to walk away from the tattoo parlor. William felt like a fool lying there on the floor of the physical therapy room. 

And to make matters worse it was so heavy and even with that stupid sock it rubbed along the portion of his lower right leg that remained, leaving it raw and bloodied. So not only did he have to worry about falling down again and again and again; but, he also had to deal with the physical pain as well as the mental sting of seeing his body irrevocably altered. But then again, if it was just a tattoo, he could always suffer through laser treatments to take it away. Unfortunately, William knew there was no such 'miracle' treatment for amputees. 

However, he eventually did used to all of it, not just the hurt from the damage to his leg, but also the hurt from the damage to his psyche. He even walked Claudia down the aisle and handed her over to Brody, even though it was God-awful painful. But that was during those first few months of 'learning' that he came to realize just how lucky he was to have been given a second chance. After awhile, he became comfortable with his artificial limb and walking became something he could do without actually thinking. Which was good, because he had so many other things to think about.

One of which was his senior year at St. Joseph's. It was a year made difficult for two reasons. First, it was bad enough that he had to deal with Mrs. Taylor, his widowed house keeper who stayed on, out of the goodness of her heart, after his parents died. Sadly, he knew it was because he and Claudia were the closest thing she ever had to children. And she didn't want to be alone.

And then his Great-Aunt Doriah came to live with him. Yes, two annoying women, who really did care for him, even though they threatened his sanity. But William figured if he could live through those two and their incessant bickering over what was 'best' for him, he could live through anything. 

Second, and so much more sadly, was that William couldn't do the one thing he loved. Run. No, he wasn't St. Joseph's 'golden boy' anymore. He'd sit in the stands and watch his best friend run with the wind and he yearned to be back there on that oval. And he would be...one day. That was something he was very sure of. Because as William sat there in those stands, watching his friends run with such ease, he made a promise to himself. {I will run again. One day.}

William graduated with honors from St. Joseph's and went to Florida State University. He was well liked and even though he was missing his leg, it didn't keep the girls from noticing him. If anything, it made it easier. Yes, he thought it odd that his 'handicap' seemed to have a strange aphrodisiac-like quality. 

Women wanted to nurture him and treated him with gentle hands...everywhere. And the girls in his classes always wanted to help the muscular, blond haired young man with the stunning blue green eyes and casual, friendly attitude. And he wasn't about to deny their tender loving care. 

Yes, tender loving care. Then, as William sat there looking at the wall of pictures in Adam Bardole's workshop, he recalled a very special person, Janet Winston. She was so kind, so gentle. She was his first. Yes, William often looked back with great fondness toward Mrs. Winston, his Calculus teacher at St. Joseph's. No, he'd never forget her.................

*******

................ William sat in the back of the stuffy classroom and tried, somewhat in vain, to keep his eyes open. It wasn't that he didn't like the class or that he was a dolt at calculus. What healthy, straight young man wouldn't? After all, Mrs. Winston was, without a doubt, an absolutely gorgeous woman. She was about 5'7" and a tad 'soft', but her 'softness' was in all the right spots. And her hair was thick, wavy, and auburn. 

To add to her appeal, Janet Winston also had the hint of a Irish accent and every now and again, when she'd get tired, it became decidedly more noticeable. But the icing on the cake was that she'd just gone through a messy divorce which made all the guys in his senior class drool just a bit more than they would normally have done for the hot teacher.

Hell, Jeremy Porter, one of William's best friends and a closet homosexual, even said, "Christ, Willie, if I was straight, I'd fuck her. She's awesome. And damn, that voice of hers." Jeremy shook his head and grinned. 

William remembered how he had laughed at Jeremy when said it. Mainly because Jeremy's 'confession' about Mrs. Winston was funny since he'd known about his friend's sexual preference when they were fourteen and it didn't bother him. In fact, he kept telling Jeremy to just 'say it' and 'get it over with'. But, on the other hand, William knew that admitting such a thing would cause Jeremy great problems at St. Joseph's. 

Nonetheless, William wasn't about to let something like Jeremy's sexual orientation keep him from being his friend. Why, they'd been friends since...well, since before he could even remember. They were like brothers. And, yes, it did help things when Jeremy told William right off the bat that he just 'wasn't his type'. Yes, Jeremy was a great friend. And when William lost both his parents and his leg in the same night, Jeremy was the first one at the hospital. 

But on this particular early Spring day, the Florida sun was at its zenith in the clear blue afternoon sky; Jeremy was busily trying to finish his test so he could hurry up and get ready for the track meet; and, William was trying to stay awake so he could finish the first page of the calculus test. He was so tired and his mind simply wasn't up to trying to figure out the "Calculus 'Chain Rule' and defining the question: What are the integrals of sin(ln(4x+5)) and ln(sinx)" 

It wasn't like William to not do his very best. But he had starting using a new pain/anxiety medicine for the "phantom leg" syndrome he'd recently been experiencing. And up until last night, William hadn't been sleeping very well. In fact, for the past couple of weeks, he'd been falling asleep around three AM and it wasn't even restful sleep. Thankfully, yesterday, he did finally get some sleep; but, eleven hours just wasn't enough for him and he would have loved nothing more than to lay his head down on the desk and sleep for another eleven hours. 

And it was just so quiet in the room. It was warm, too, and, thank God, the weird and somewhat painful feeling in the part of his leg that was not there, had faded. William could feel his eyes growing heavy. He glanced over at Jeremy and saw that he was still engrossed in taking the test, as were William's other classmates. He looked at the clock, stared down at the test page and sighed. {I've got plenty of time. Five minutes, just five. I'll rest my eyes, five minutes}

Forty-five minutes later, Mrs. Winston put her hand on William's arm. "Mr. Fitzpatrick?" She shook him, "Mr. Fitzpatrick...William!" 

William jumped and fell out of the seat. His mechanical pencil tip slammed into his hand when he landed on the floor and he yelped, half from the shock of being awakened and half from the pain that now shot through his right hand. "SHIT! God...oh, fuck, that hurts!" He looked down at the pencil that now lay on the floor and at his hand which was bleeding. 

"Oh, goodness, William, I'm so sorry." Mrs. Winston knelt down beside him and leaned over to examine his bleeding hand. "Here, let me see that." 

He was still sort of groggy; and, truth be told, William was not a pleasant 'just woke up' kind of guy. He shook his head when he realized that the beautiful woman who was right next to him was Mrs. Winston. That's when he realized what he'd said. "God, Mrs. Winston, I'm sorry, excuse me." All he needed was more demerits. Aunt Doriah would kill him if he had to come to school on yet another Saturday since he'd already had to serve 3 Saturday detentions in the past 5 weeks. 

"Don't be silly, William. Good Lord, we need to clean that." She smiled down at him, "I've got a first aid kit in my office. I'll go get it. You stay here. And try not to bleed everywhere." She laughed as she stood up and walked across the room. 

William watched her ass move back and forth and felt the same warm sensation that grabbed hold of him everyday whenever she turned to work out a problem on the whiteboard. {Damn, damn. She's so hot.} He got up, and, out of habit, looked down at his prosthetic leg to make sure it was in place before he stepped forward. A lesson he'd learned right after his first fall. He walked across the room to her office and stood in the doorway watching her. 

She was something else, that was for damn sure; and, William was practically salivating as he stood there. He glanced at her desk. {Neat and orderly, just like her} He saw her struggle to reach for a white box on a tall shelf. Every now and again, he heard her give a little grunt as she tried to reach the box, and it sent chills down his spine. Then, being the chivalrous lad that he was, William said, "I'll get that for you." He reached up and over her to pulled the kit down.

A few moments later, as she worked to clean his wound, Mrs. Winston started talking, "William, I'm sorry I didn't wake you earlier. You were just sleeping so soundly. She glanced at the clock. It was three fifty. School had been dismissed twenty minutes ago. "Do you think your parents...I mean, your aunt...," an apologetic and somewhat embarrassed look crossed her soft face. "Do you think she'll get mad at you if you're late getting home? Are you going to need a ride home or something?" 

He replied with a grin and then shook his head, "Nah, I can drive, you know. It's an automatic. Oh, and it's not a big deal. She's sort of like my parent now anyway. So, don't worry about it. Everybody does it. It doesn't bother me anymore." William felt her cool hand on his and he stared down into her eyes. {Holy shit, those are the most beautiful green eyes. God, please give me strength so I don't make a fool of myself with a fat dick.} William nodded his head, "Thanks for...uh....getting me the bandage."

"No problem." She lifted his hand to her lips, kissed the bandage and innocently added, "A kiss to make it all better." Then she smiled up at the tall, handsome young man before her and saw the look of delighted shock on his face. "Oh, I hope that was alright, I...I..."

William searched for the right words to respond, "It's...uh...it's...I mean..." {Oh, sweet Jesus.} And then for a reason that eluded him, he leaned down, kissed her softly on the cheek and added, "Thank you." William suddenly wanted to get out of her office, well, his brain told him to go, but his loins...they told him to stay. And, he chose to listen to them.

Mrs. Winston didn't say a word as she put her hand on his face and responded with a kiss on his lips. William felt the pressure of her mouth open his and then her tongue touched his and a warm sensation flooded his entire body. 

Oh, William had kissed lots of girls, he'd even been involved in some seriously heavy petting with a few. However, this was so very different. She was older than him. She was married, well, divorced. And she was his teacher. {This isn't right, William.}

But at that particular moment, he decided to think with his cock and not his brain. He felt her arms snake themselves around his neck and draw him even closer. Her lips were so soft. {Oh, my God.} He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close enough that her waist was resting on his now bulging shaft. {Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.} 

When they finished the kiss and had pulled away from one another, William stood there with his swollen cock pressing into his dark navy blue slacks. There was no way she wouldn't be able to notice. Should he have embarrassed? Maybe. But he just stood there and stared at her.

"William," she looked down at the floor and then up into his eyes, "I shouldn't have done that. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. It's just I haven't...it's been so long...oh, God." Pure dread flowed through her and Janet Winston was terrified.

He quietly said, "It's okay. I should be the sorry one." William went to the door and put his hand on the knob to open it; but, he thought again and, instead, locked the door. And when he heard the 'click' of the lock in its chamber, he knew he was walking a very dangerous line. He turned, "You don't need to be sorry. I won't tell." Then he almost casually walked over to the woman he'd been fantasizing about all year and put his hands on her shoulders, "I won't tell anything to anyone, I promise."

A look of relief washed over her face. She knew he was telling the truth. She could see it in his eyes. Janet Winston felt William's hands moving softly over her shoulders. She wanted to cry. He was such a good kid, so kind, so smart. And she had a compassion for him that was unlike anything she ever had for anyone...not even her own husband. And it had been so long since she'd felt someone's hands on her. She continued to stare up at him as she put her hands on his tie. 

For a few moments, everything was a blur for William. It was like he wasn't himself. But then he looked down at her nimble fingers undoing his tie. And, as she slid the dark blue silk strip of over priced material down and around his neck then down his chest, William felt a surge of energy. He eagerly placed his hands on her waist and slid them up her shirt, watching her expression. 

William saw her eyes close as his hand floated over her breasts. Her shirt was so thin and so smooth, that he could actually feel the lace beneath his fingers. He unbuttoned her soft pink shirt and looked down at the creamy white flesh of her plump breasts. William ran his fingers along the edge of her lacy white bra and smiled when he noticed she wore a front clasping brassiere. {Oh, yes. This is too good.} 

He placed his hands on the clasp, then looked into his beautiful teacher's eyes; and, in turn, she gave him a very subtle nod. With that, William undid the bra and watched in awe as her breasts were wholly revealed to him. {Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Oh, my God! Those are so fucking beautiful!} He placed his hands on them and nearly fell forward when he did. They were so very soft. Without even thinking he leaned down and started to kiss the right one as his hand tenderly massaged the left.

William heard Mrs. Winston moan very softly and then sigh as he kissed her breast and gently sucked on her nipple. He could barely stand it. He knew he there was no way he was about to leave that office, not now. But still, the little voice in his head, (which incidentally, sounded an awful lot like his cousin, who was a priest...but a 'cool' one) was telling him he should stop, walk away, and never mention this again. 




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 02



William glanced at the crucifix that hung on the wall and rolled his eyes. {God. No. Fucking not now, William, do her, do her.} William closed his eyes and tried to block out he promise he'd made to his parents. It was the same promise his sister had made. No premarital sex. {But Claudia slipped and she's so happy now. God, what do I do?} 

William was torn between what felt good and what was right. And just feeling her breasts was not enough for him. No. William wanted more of her. He slid her shirt down her arms. She was so wonderful.

Janet Winston saw the apprehension in his youthful eyes and could feel his hands shaking just slightly. She patted his face and then ran her hands down his exposed chest, "Shhh, don't worry. You're okay." {He is so handsome. So kind. So...Jesus, I want him.} And she knew she would do anything, barring actually raping him, to have him. Even if it was only once. 

As she slid his shirt down, she added, "It's alright William, really." She leaned and kissed him before he could catch his breath. And before he had a chance to stop to reconsider. The kiss was so hard and so deep she thought she was going to suffocate for an instant. But, then again, it was one fucking good kiss.

William gave into her gentle tone and stared at her hands as they made their way down to his black leather belt and then loosened it. He couldn't believe he was watching her unbutton his pants and then unzip them. As the metallic toothed fastener slowly opened, he wanted to make sure he wasn't still asleep and that it was all some fabulous dream. {This isn't really happening is it? Am I dreaming?} He bit his lip. {Ouch! Shit, okay. It's real.} William closed his eyes as her hand slipped down into his boxers and started to gently knead his shaft. 

He let out a small moan and stumbled a bit, "Mrs. Winston...that feels...so...good." 

She smiled up at him. "William, please, it's Janet, okay? And you do like that don't you?" Her green eyes looked straight into his soul and he felt the twitching inside his boxers grow more intense as she slid her hand up and down so slowly he was sure he would go off if she increased her speed. "William, is this all you want from me? Is it enough?" He shook his head...no...that was all he could physically do. She grinned softly at him. "William, what do you want?

William whispered, "You...you...I...I want...you." He glanced, inadvertently, down at his leg. Then he realized that if he did what he wanted to do, he'd have to take off his pants. She'd see his leg and he was so scared she would turn him away. A small tear formed in his eye as the thought of never really being 'whole' crossed his mind. 

She knew what he was thinking and kissed him again. "It's okay." Janet giggled, "You know, you don't need the lower portion of you leg to do this. And, I suppose you don't actually 'need' legs, either."

He'd never thought of it that way before and laughed, "I guess you're right, Mrs. Winston." He sat down on her office chair and sighed. 

"No...remember. It's Janet...I'm not Mrs. Winston right now, okay?"

William shook his head in understanding, "Janet."

She stood before him and undid the zipper on her skirt and let it fall to the floor. Janet Winston had worn no stockings that day. Besides, her legs were nicely tanned so she didn't really need them. She wore soft white cotton bikini panties with a delicate lace edging that lay across the lowest portion of her tanned midsection. She took William's hands and placed them on her hip, "Go ahead."

Without stopping to think, William slid the material down her legs revealing a neatly trimmed swath of soft reddish hair. He inhaled deeply as he sat there and stared at her. "Ha, I knew it. You're hair really is auburn."

"What?"

William laughed, "I bet Jeremy that your hair was really auburn and not from a bottle." He grinned sheepishly and added, "He owes me twenty dollars now."

Janet laughed. "Oh, my God, are you serious? HA!" She couldn't help but think it was funny and added, "Too bad you won't tell him...right, William?"

He sighed again, "No, I won't tell him, Janet." 

William slid off the chair, down to his knees, and wrapped his arms around her midsection. He rested his head on her belly and could feel her fingers in his hair. Without daring to look u at her he said, "Janet, I've...I've never done this before." He prayed he didn't sound stupid as he admitted he was a virgin. 

She leaned down and took his face in her hands much as a mother would to her child, "I know. Just trust me. It's okay. William, I can teach you so much." Janet knelt down beside him, "Don't be afraid." She tugged on his slacks and they, along with his boxers, came down to his knee. And then, just like that, he was fully exposed to her. 

William felt the cool air float across him. {Well, there he is. Oh, God.} He suddenly felt shy and could have sworn that he heard the pounding of his pulse in his cock. But he inhaled deeply and tried to calm his breathing. 

Janet lay down on the caramel colored carpet and looked up at him. "Come here, William." She held out her arms and he could see her green eyes sparkle with the knowledge that she was going to teach William a lesson that would be unlike any other.

He fell softly into her arms and felt his chest resting on her soft breasts. William kissed her and realized his body was acting as if it was in cruise control only is was his teacher who was the driver. And William wasn't quite sure how it happened, but his pants ended up on the other side of him and he was on top of her, nestled between her smooth, tanned legs. But he didn't really care. At that particular moment all he wanted was to relieve the intense pressure that he felt. 

William showered her neck, ears and shoulders with kisses. And when he slid down to take hold of her breasts with his lips he felt sort of dizzy. He inwardly laughed when he recalled Father Luke's 'Sex Talk'. Which was essentially, 'don't do it...unless you are married and then when you do it, you might experience sporadic lightheadedness due to the...um...blood supply issue.' William shook his head slightly and felt the dizzy sensation go away. 

Then Janet smiled at her young student and whispered softly to him, "William, do what you want to do. It's okay."

Funny, he didn't realize it, but he had been waiting for her to 'tell' him when to do what he wanted to do. He supposed it was because she was a teacher and he'd been trained in life to not do things unless the instructor says it's okay. However, unlike 'get your textbooks out' he didn't need her to tell him twice. 

William lifted himself just slightly and felt Janet shift her body a little. And then, like he actually knew what he was doing, he did it. As he slid into her, he just about lost control of himself. {Oh, my God. This is so fucking amazing. I cannot believe this. Holy Shit!} 

She was so hot and smooth, sort of like a kid leather glove that had been left in the hot Spring sunshine. This was so much better than all those times he'd been alone in the shower. And he had to will his body to remain calm.

He gazed into Janet's eyes and saw a look of approval cross her soft face. "Nice, William, very, very nice." William slowly moved his hips, pushing himself deeper into her. She breathed deeply and whispered, "That's it, William. Yes." 

He couldn't understand the uncontrollable almost painful urge to go deeper and deeper within her. But he knew it was a pain he wanted to experience over and over. It all felt so good, and something in the darkest recesses of his mind told him to move harder, and faster, and deeper. And as any sane man would do, William did the insane and moved as his body commanded.

He looked down at her and could see that her eyes were closed. Her mouth had formed a soft 'O' and the smallest, most erotic tiny moan escaped her throat. That sound and the look of delight on her face drove him completely over the edge. He thought that Janet must have sensed how he was feeling, because she wrapped her legs around him and shifted her hips to give him better access to her. He really had no idea that it was just her body's way of obtaining the best possible gratification. No, that was a lesson he'd learn later. 

But right then, when he felt her legs around his midsection, he couldn't help himself. He let go of the thin mental string that held him between 'feeling good' and experiencing 'ecstasy'. He moved powerfully and fixedly. William heard more intense moaning and realized it was a blend of Janet's and his cries of passion.

Moving inside her was in no way like being alone in the shower. No. In fact, the only thing he could liken it to was when he used to run. It was similar to that flood of endorphins that runners feel just before hitting the 'wall'. Only this feeling was a hundred times more intense. 

And when William hit this particular wall, he exploded within her. He was slamming her with his entire weight and was sort of afraid he would hurt her. But at that exact moment, his urge to keep going was more intense than his concern for her comfort. He could feel the sweat rolling down his back and thought he was going to pass out but he kept it together. 

William moved vigorously within her until HE felt like stopping. And when that time finally came, he was exhausted, but only physically. Mentally, he could have taken ten calculus tests. 

He looked down at Janet Winston and saw a thin bead of sweat along her forehead and a look of pure satisfaction on her face. William smiled down at her and blushed slightly when she said, "William, you were amazing. I'd give you a B plus." Then she winked, "There's always room for improvement." He laughed and shook his head. 

He pulled out of her, rolled onto his back and looked up at the white ceiling tiles. A few minutes passed before either of them spoke. William stared at a small brown spot in the far corner of her office ceiling. "Leak."

Janet rolled over and rested on her elbow, "Excuse me?"

"You've got a leak. See." He pointed to a brown, dried 'wet' spot in the ceiling tile then looked at her and laughed, "Sorry...I just...I...I don't know what to say." 

She burst out laughing, "William, you don't have to say a word. You know, I like you...I really like you. You make me laugh. And I haven't laughed for a while. Yes, I like how you make me laugh." He also made her moan, and scream, and beg for more as their affair continued through the last quarter of the school year. He never told anyone about the affair. No one ever found out. 

He didn't even get an "A" for his efforts in Calculus. But he figured the B was well earned, because he actually had to do the math! What's more...William didn't tell Jeremy until they had graduated...from college. Jeremy was pissed at first. Not because of what his friend had done and not told him about; but rather, because he owed William twenty dollars.

And William, well, he never really got over Janet Winston. She was his first. He held a special memory of her in not only his mind, but also in his heart, that he was sure he would take with him into old age and smile back on. Oh, and she was right, he didn't need the lower portion of his leg to have sex. ................

******

................ William smiled at the flash of a memory about such a special moment in his life. He felt Adam poke at the mold casting box as he checked to see if it the molding agent had cured enough. William smiled knowing that he would have a custom made leg that would allow him to run, albeit much slower than a 'track star'. But he didn't care. He was going to run.

He watched Adam take another mold, one for an arm, and inspect it like he was searching for a needle in a hay stack. William grinned as he watched Adam. No one, absolutely no one, was as anal about his job as he was. 

William shook his head as he recalled meeting Adam at his girlfriend's house. And Adam was a nutcase. But eventually Adam grew on him. And they would laugh about how William always got the best parking spots at Christmas, which he thought was funny because Adam was Jewish. His handicap never really bothered him much once he grew into it. But the one thing William hated was for people to look at him like he couldn't do it all. So he worked his ass off to prove them wrong.

William worked out everyday like a madman. His chest was slim, but well defined. His abs were rock hard and his legs, they were stunning. Well, his leg and a half. William wanted to run again and he expected his body to be in the best possible shape when he did. Getting in shape had its advantages, too. That's how he met Vicki...........

******

........... "Hey there." Vicki Bardole winked at William as he lifted the dumbbell in his hand in a bicep curl. 

William looked up at her and smiled. 

{Damn, he's hot. His eyes are so beautiful.} "You're sweating. A lot!" She took the towel from around her neck and dabbed his forehead.

He remembered seeing her a few times before at the gym and thought he recognized her from being on campus. {Christ, she's fine. Yes. Oh, yes, she's very fine.} She was quite nice to look at, too. Five-six, about one hundred twenty five pounds, five of which William was sure had to be from her chest. Flat, tight belly and ass. Jet black hair and crystal blue eyes. Yes, she was fine. "Uh, thanks." 

"No problem." Vicki brushed a stray damp hair from his brow, "It's William, right?"

"Yeah. How'd you know? I mean...have we met?" William didn't spend too much time talking to people at the gym. And he couldn't remember ever telling anyone his name or that he was looking for some action. He came to the gym to workout...not to work on a way to go out. 

Vicki could almost see his brain trying to figure out how she knew him. "Physiology 210. Mondays and Wednesdays" 

"Huh?" He thought about it for a second. "Oh, MacGregor's class. You're in there?" {Okay, that's where I must have seen her, I think.} 

"Yes, well, sort of. I'm the TA, so I stay at the back. But I've seen you. And when I started coming here," she looked around the gym, "and saw you, I decided to say hi. So, hi!"

He lifted the dumbbell in his hand, "Hi. Uh, you have me at a disadvantage. You know my name; I don't know yours." 

"Oh, sorry. I'm Victoria Bardole. But my friends call me Vicki. You can call me Vicki if you want." She smiled at him again. "Can I call you Will or Willie or Bill?"

She was hot, yes, but he wasn't ready to let her start calling him 'cutsie' little nicknames. "William. My parents were partial to it that's why they named me William." {Okay, William, you sound like a fucking idiot.} He wanted to smack himself with the dumbbell.

"Ah, yes. Sorry, William." She started toward the stair-climber machine and turned, "So, uh, William, wanna go for a drink after this?"

"No."

Vicki was gobsmacked. She hadn't been turned down in, well, she couldn't remember when. And he was missing half his leg for Christ's sake. {What the...?" She tried to figure it out and then instantly decided he was at the gym for 'other' reasons {Oh, he's gotta be gay. Wonderful. What's wrong with your gaydar today, Vicki?} She nodded, "Oh, alright then. I understand." 

William saw the shocked and somewhat confused look on her face. He set the dumbbell to the side and took a deep breath, "I don't drink. Ever. Personal reasons. And, I'm not gay, if that's what you're thinking. But...uh...how about dinner? You like steak?"

Vicki grinned, "Yes, I love it."

"Good." William laughed, "I'll be done here in about thirty minutes, if you're still interested. And then I gotta take a shower." William shook his head. {She'll be fun. Obviously she doesn't care about the leg.} And that was how he met Adam's sister.............

******

............. William heard the workroom door squeak open and his mind flew back to the present. Vicki emerged from the other side of the door. She was wet and her t-shirt clung to her form so well, William sighed at the sight of her.

"Hey!" She kissed her older brother on the cheek then went to William. "Hey to you, too, baby." Vicki stood behind William, kissed his neck and nibbled at his ear. She slipped her hands up under his shirt and ran them up and down his back. "Are you almost done?" 

"Nope." Adam said with a hint of annoyance, "Tell your boyfriend to stop fidgeting and I'll be done a lot sooner." He looked at the clock and then at his sister, "Shit, it's raining isn't it? Candice is going to be so pissed if I don't get to the shop soon. And she isn't going to be happy about the rain either. Can anything else go wrong?" 

William laughed, "Damn, Adam, it's not like you don't see her every night. Holy Christ, you're married to her. Or, Holy Moses, rather." He laughed. "You can sleep with her anytime." He kissed Vicki on the cheek. 

"Easy for you to say. It's been two weeks, okay. She's punishing me for something. I don't know what the Hell it is. But it's something. She won't tell me. Said, 'Jacob, if you really love me, you'll figure it out.' What in God's name does that mean?" He looked at his sister.

Vicki laughed, "Adam...er...Jacob," she loved how Candice used his first name when she was pissed with Adam, it reminded her of their mother, "When you get home, make sure to notice her hair. Okay. Her hair. But I doubt if it'll work now."

"Hair?" Adam rolled his eyes, "Shit, did she do something to it again?"

William laughed, "Yes, you moron. I even noticed it. You are SO screwed, man. "

"Shit." Adam pulled the molding box from William's leg. "That looks good." Then, against his better judgment he said, "I'll check it tomorrow morning to be sure." 

"So you're leaving? Oh, thank God." Vicki laughed then focused her attention back on William "You're mine again." She went between William's legs and kissed him.

William pulled the sock back over the stump below his knee, "Yes, I'm all yours." He put his arms around Vicki and pulled her close to him. He slipped his hands up her damp shirt and over her bra covered breasts. He could feel her starting to breathe a bit faster. "Just my way of thanking you for the little back massage, honey." He kissed her very slowly and felt her respond by melting into him.

Adam cleared his throat as he turned away from them, "Okay, that's enough you two. Honestly. It's hard enough knowing that Vic's got a guy, let alone that she's having sex with him. Just gives me the willies. Uh, sorry Will." Adam stared at his appointment calendar. "If the cast is good, I'll start pressing the form in a couple of days. Let's see, I should have this ready in about two weeks. I hope. Okay, give me three."

Vicki cleared her throat, "Adam it's 'William'." Ever since that day at the gym, Vicki had made sure to never refer to William by any nickname. And she wasn't even sure she knew why. But, nonetheless, she always corrected people. Maybe it was simply a force of habit.

Adam jumped out of his seat and grabbed his raincoat. "Damn, Vicki, don't be so fucking anal." He looked at William, "Sorry, W I L L I A M. Oh, and hey man, will you lock up for me?" Adam threw William the keys to the shop. "I'll go ahead and lock the from door. Just go out the back. It's the blue key."

William nodded, "Yea, I know, Adam. Now go to Candice. And remember the hair." He watched Adam dash out of the workroom and then looked at Vicki. "Now, where were we?"

She giggled, "Right about here." With that, Vicki leaned into him and started to kiss him. Only this kiss was much more vigorous. And she hungrily searched his body with her hands as though she were looking for a lost treasure.

William was always amazed by Vicki and recently, she'd been so attentive to his 'needs', especially since she'd taken on a second shift at the PT center. Her kiss was so passionate, almost overenthusiastic, and he had to pull away to get some air. "Damn, Vic, what's gotten into you, today?" He held her shoulders and stared into her eyes, "Don't get me wrong, I'm all for your new 'go for it' attitude' but, God, you gotta cool your jets, baby."




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 02



Vicki grinned and said, "Oh, come on, William. It's been four days." She added with a little giggle as she ran her hand down his chest, stopping only when she reached the edge of his boxers, "I know you want me. Or, is Mr. Happy confused?" She knelt down and kissed the bulge in his thin shorts.

"Damn Vicki, of course I want you, and so does...'Mr. Happy'," he made sure to overstress her little nickname for his swollen cock. "But it's late. I'm hungry. It's raining. God, can't we just go pick up some dinner then go home and do this?" 

She huffed a little and pulled back away from him, "Damn it, William, I'm getting tired of always doing things on your schedule. I want you now. And if you don't want me now, well, you can forget having me later." The look in her eyes told him she was one hundred percent serious and when she put her mind to something, she saw it through. 

{Jesus Christ, what is with her? Now verses later? Goddamn, what in the fuck is with her?} "Whoa! Back the truck up, Vicki! What is wrong with you? Where did that come from?" He attached his prosthesis and grabbed his slacks. William knew this was not going to be a 'tiny spat'. He could tell that from the little wrinkles on her forehead. "Damn, baby, I just said I wanted to get some dinner. I haven't eaten anything since fucking ten o'clock this morning." 

William slid his way down off the work table and carefully checked his balance before letting go. He watched as Vicki grew more pissed with him. {Fuck, what is with her? It's like she's trying to pick a fight.} So, William decided to calm the situation by hugging her. "Come on, Vic, let's just go. We can pick up some take-out, go home, and relax."

"Relax! You want me to relax? Damn it, William, you never want to fuck me anymore." 

William shook his head and tried to figure out what was going on, "Well, I thought we 'made love' as opposed to just 'fucking'. But that's a totally different argument. And besides, you cannot be serious. God Almighty, Vicki, I was groping you ten minutes ago. My dick is as hard as a rock. But my stomach if fucking growling. I'm sorry, okay. Jesus, just relax. Damn, are you just having a bad PMS day or something?" As soon as the words flew out of his mouth, William regretted saying that. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, shit. Christ. Vicki, I'm so sorry."

Vicki burst out in tears and ran from the workroom. William stared at the floor and shook his head. Then, as he often did, he looked Heavenward and asked God a question, "Are you enjoying this? No, seriously. Are you enjoying watching me screw up? Cause, Christ, and I really mean that in the polite 'Christ our Father' way, I seem to be fucking up everything I touch right now." William threw the shop keys at the door and cradled his head in his hands.

Normally, Vicki would have laughed away what William had said without so much as a 'hey, how are you'. But she'd had a miscarriage about two months earlier and, yes, her hormones and her emotions were still shot to Hell. Five months of carrying a baby and then, poof, all at once, it's gone. ..............

******

........... Vicki came bounding out of the bathroom waving a little stick with a lilac tip and grinning from ear to ear. "See, I told you! Ha. You owe me five dollars." Vicki put the pregnancy stick in William's hand and stared at him, "Oh, come on...you're happy. I know you are."

"Happy, no...I mean, well...yeah. God, Vicki, I'm more fucking worried." William sat on the sofa in their apartment and stared at the little stick. No, it wasn't an issue of money that caused him worry. He'd come into a good chunk of change from his parent's estate when he turned twenty one. But everything else in his life was going to change.

Sure, he and Vicki were going to get married...next year. And yes, he wanted kids. He wanted a whole fucking gaggle of kids, in fact. But he was only twenty five. He wasn't ready to be a dad yet. Damn, sometimes he wasn't even sure if he was really ready to get married. Especially with the dynamics of their two families. 

William was raised Catholic, very Catholic. He even had a cousin who was a priest. William had attended Catholic school his entire life. And, as the icing on the cake: he had even been an alter boy. And, therefore, was always chided by his soon-to-bes about that. 'Did William ever have his Willie wanked?' God, he hated that. 

Then there was Vicki. And, she was Jewish., very Jewish. Her uncle was a Rabbi. And she'd gone to a private Jewish school in Atlanta. To make matters worse, she was the youngest child of four and she was the only girl. Adam was nice to William, but the other two, Daniel and Aaron, they were fucking assholes. 

Nothing he did was good enough for them. They doted on Vicki and she loved it. Shit, he agreed to move up to Georgia for her because she wanted to be closer to her family. And they were often an invasive group, the whole lot of them. Not that his family wasn't just as 'caring and concerned for them'. Which really that they meant, both families were nosey.

Vicki sat beside him and rubbed his back, "Don't worry, baby, everything is going to be fine."

William sighed deeply, "Yeah, it'll be fine." He took hold of Vicki's hands and kissed them. "Yeah, it'll be alright." Inwardly, William wanted to kill himself for not using that condom. He could hear Vicki's voice in the back of his mind, 'William, it's just one pill. I'll be fine. You know, you don't have to worry. I only missed one pill.' 

One missed pill, one fresh egg and thousands of eager sperm...equaled so many restless nights. And the fact that the next four months were not pleasant for Vicki, which also meant the same for him, did not lend itself to easing William's worries. 

Vicki, an unbelievably healthy young woman, was constantly sick and couldn't even stand the smell of certain things like spaghetti sauce or tuna or peanut butter. Which, of course, were things that William absolutely loved to eat. Morning sickness, it seems is an altogether false name for the often times round the clock stomach upset that Vicki experienced. 

But the scariest part of those months was just after Vicki had entered into her second trimester and they went to tell her parents. Oddly, Vicki, who'd been practically green just hours before leaving for her parent's house felt one hundred percent amazingly well. William, however, was so nervous as he drove them across the city to the posh part of Buckhead in Atlanta, that he thought he would throw up.

To his unexpected delight, Rose and Jerry weren't too surprised when they 'spilled the beans' about Vicki's pregnancy. Rose kissed her daughter and looked at William, "Now, William, you know this means we've got to move the date for the wedding." And that did it. He got so sick, he had to run to the bathroom. Thank God, her brothers weren't there.

Later that night back at their apartment, Vicki was feeling quite well, yes, quite well indeed. She lay in bed and watched the red digital display change from twelve ten to twelve eleven and realized she couldn't sleep because, truth be told, she was horny as hell! She snuggled up behind William and placed her hand on his hip. With a devilish grin, Vicki slid her hand across his hip and rested it on his peacefully sleeping penis.

{Wakey, wakey, Mr. Happy} Vicki started to slowly slide her hand from his relaxed scrotum and all the way up his soft sleeping cock. As she fondled him, she could feel him starting to respond beneath her hand. She tickled the tip of his cock-head and then held it with her right hand as she propped up on her left elbow. Vicki started to gently pump him, until she'd made him quite stiff. 

With 'Step One' well underway, she leaned over and started to suck on his right earlobe and heard William give a very soft, very sleep filled moan. {This is so fucking fun.} With just a tiny bit of effort she was able to pull him over onto his back. When Vicki looked down at his naked form, it made all the hair on her neck and arms stand up. Even though it was dark in the room, William's body reflected the bright moonlight that shone through their bedroom window. {Damn, you're so Goddamn beautiful}. 

Vicki slipped her t-shirt and panties off as she plotted her next move. William, who had to be the deepest sleeper she'd ever been with, looked as though he thought he was having one really hot dream. When she was completely disrobed, Vicky softy ran her hand along the tiny bump that had grown on her equally tiny tummy and softly smiled. 

Then, as she continued to stroke him, she trailed his torso with kisses and giggled as she gently licked his nipples. The look on his face was that of pure bliss. {Nice dream, baby? Well, I'm going to make it nicer.} Vicki's hormones were screaming at her to fuck the daylights out of 'Sleeping Beauty'. He was so hard and she was so wet just from the thought of him. 

He looked tasty lying there with his never sun touched swollen shaft contrasting against his deeply tanned body. Vicki couldn't resist. She started to gently lick his cock and watched the poor, unsuspecting chap start to move his hips rather slowly. As she sucked on him, she sensed that her own nipples had grown quite distended and hard. Vicki giggled with an deep sound of wanton desire.

So, she did what any healthy, hormonally charged horny pregnant woman would do...she quietly straddled his torso and gently sank down on him. William sighed with slumbered delight, which, in turn triggered a deep tingling feeling in the pit of her stomach. The feeling was so intense and she smiled so broadly, her cheeks hurt. {That's it, baby. I know you're loving this.}

And was he ever enjoying it, too. William had been dreaming of running through his old neighborhood back in Florida. He could feel the sun on his skin and the sweat forming on his brow. In his dream everything was going along so well, until he looked down and saw that both his legs were gone and he started to fall face first into a patch of grass. 

But he was able to stop himself when he heard someone calling out to him. It was his sister, Claudia, calling to him, 'Billy, dinner's ready.' And he jumped up only to realize that his legs were back where they were supposed to be. Like nothing had happened. Then he was in the kitchen area and Vicki was lying down on the well decorated table with her legs spread wide before him.

He heard Claudia laugh, "I fixed your favorite. Go on, dig in Billy. I know you're hungry." Hungry, didn't quite describe how sexually frustrated he'd been for the past twenty or so weeks, especially since Vicki was never in the mood to do anything.

As his dream progressed, William who was still seated at the kitchen table, turned to Claudia and saw here standing directly beside him. She was completely naked. "Claude, where're your clothes?" He shook his head and then looked at Vicki. He reached out to touch his fiancée only to see her fade away.

Claudia gently stroked her brother's cheek and started to nibble on his ear. She whispered, "Come on now, dig in. I made it for you." He watched as his sister sat her nude body down on the table and leaned back with her legs spread so temptingly. "Billy, what's wrong?" William felt the silky smoothness on the inside of her thighs but made no move toward her. She sat up a bit and stared into his eyes.

"Claude, what...what are you doing?" William looked into her eyes, knowing that hers were only a tad bit older and just a wee might wiser but nonetheless identical to his. Then, he felt her sitting on his lap. He watched her hands slip between his legs and take hold of him. Her hands were so soft. "Claude," he said as she gently slid her hand up and down, "God, Claudia, what in the Hell are you doing?" 

He looked at her neck and gazed at the tiny crucifix that hung there and felt the chain that bore the crucifix he wore around his own neck, hang heavy. William looked beyond Claudia and could see two faceless people, whom he knew to be his parents. And even though he couldn't see their eyes, he could feel their disapproving gaze on him. It was like they stared right through him. A solitary chill ran down his spine.

William tried to say something to his beautiful sister but couldn't get his voice to work. He closed his eyes to her delicate touch and felt himself falling. He opened them again and watched her slide down on him. "Claude, what are you doing?" It felt so good to be inside her. It was so calm and peaceful. He put his hands on her hips and looked around. "Why are we here?" He saw that he was lying on her bed back in their childhood home. And he could hear her laughter from when they were kids and would ride bikes down Dairy Hill.

He saw her smile softly down as she leaned forward to kiss him. She put her finger to his lips, "Shhh, Billy, I know you want me. I know you've always wanted me. You've wanted me here, in this bed, haven't you? I know, I know." Then she started to move slowly, rhythmically and skillfully on him. She leaned down over him again and he could feel her bare breasts just graze his chest. 

She sat up and started to move slightly faster on him. He took her breasts in his hands and marveled at how soft they were. He'd always wondered what they were like. Claudia smiled down at him. "Tell me you want me, Billy. Tell me. You want me don't you?" Her blue green eyes bore into his eyes.

He closed them and shook his head as the words, "Yes, yes," fell from his lips. William could feel Claudia's soft, loving lips on his and then her delicate mouth opened so that he was able to slip his tongue inside. She was amazing. Just like he'd always thought she would be. William stared into her eyes and wanted to cry as he realized what he was doing. "This isn't right. No, Claude. God, no, stop. Claudia." It was taboo and it felt good. William heard Claudia start to moan and likewise, he started to moan. 

Vicki sighed deeply and looked down at William when she felt his hands take her breasts. {Someone is having a great dream.} She leaned forward and kissed his slightly parted lips, never knowing that he wasn't dreaming of her, not in the slightest. But it didn't matter, she felt so good with him in her. And his lips were so soft. She tenderly let her tongue move in tandem with his. She pushed herself down deeper on him. When she heard her lover, and the father of their growing child, falling into a blissful darkness, Vicki spoke to him, "Yes, William. Oh, yes, baby. I love you."

William started to speak, "I love..." Claudia faded from his view. "No, wait, wait." He started falling, faster and faster. His eyes flew opened and he saw Vicki sitting on him, rocking quickly back and forth. 

"I'm trying to wait for you, baby, I am really." Vicki breathily added, "I wondered when you'd wake up."

{Fuck, Vicki. What? Shit, am I dreaming? Oh, God. What the hell was that? Claudia, shit. No way. No.} That's when he realized what had happened. William thought his heart would jump out of his chest. "Jesus Christ, Vicki! What in the hell are you doing to me?" {Did I call out Claudia's name? No, Vicki would've killed me. Shit!}

Vicki started to move faster, "Oh, come on baby, you know you liked it. You want me don't you? Tell me you want me." 

William felt like crying. What had he been thinking? Why would he even dream that? He'd often had little lustful pangs toward his sister, but what happened in his dream, scared him. And then he to laugh it off. {Her. It was her talking to me. Not Claudia. Goddamn. Shit. I've seriously got to go to Mass. It's nothing. Let it go, William. Let it go.} 

Vicki laughed out loud, "God, baby, what's wrong? Did you think you were really dreaming all this?" The look on his face told her she'd guessed correctly. She laughed at the sheer hilarity of the situation. {That is so fucking funny!} "God, William, I love you!" Vicki started to move faster and faster. She felt a massive surge of energy and couldn't stop her intense need to climax, right then. And she didn't really care if William was ready or not.

But he was. He'd built up so much tension as a result of his sinfully delicious, incestuous dream about his beautiful sister that he was desperate to find release. William tried let go of the fear and guilt that had wrapped itself around his desire to feel good. "Yes, baby, yes. Vicki, I love you." Though when he spoke the words, he wasn't sure if he said them because he wanted to tell her how he really felt about her or if he was trying to convince himself that he believed it. 

William closed his eyes as he came. But it was not Vicki's face he saw in his mind's eye. It was Claudia. It felt so good, so warm, so loving. But why? Why would he think such things about his sister? Was he a bad person?

The next day, William went to Confession and told the priest what had happened. Oddly, the priest told him to not worry about it. He said that pregnancy is often as mentally taxing for men as it is physically taxing for women. He said it was most likely a mixture of what Vicki was doing intertwined with the comfort and deep, but not incestuous, love and admiration he felt for his sister. William left feeling a bit better, but he still had a hard time erasing the image of Claudia from his mind.

But three weeks later in brief instant, Claudia was the furthest thing in his mind. William was paged during a physical therapy session with a young girl named Michelle. {Geez, what now?} He looked at Michelle's mother, "Sorry, Mrs. Deerbourne. I'll be right back. You keep doing those leg lifts, Shelly, okay?" 

William walked to the office and had a very odd, dreadful sensation run through him as Dawn Allen, the office manager, handed him the phone with a worried look on her face, even though she didn't say a word. "William Fitzpatrick, can I help you?" 

The voice on the other end of the phone said, "Mr. Fitzpatrick, this is Walter Harris over at the "Y".

"Yes?" 

There was a long pause. "Umm, your wife had an accident in the pool area." Walter Harris didn't know they weren't married and William didn't bother to correct him. 

William's heart sank and he quietly said, "Yes?"

"They took her to the hospital. She's okay. But we wanted to let you know right away." William could hear Walter Harris's concern, but it wasn't for Vicki. It was for the "Y's" liability responsibility. "We're checking into what happened right now, sir."

William halfway remembered handing the phone to Dawn but couldn't really remember how he'd made it to Grady Memorial. He just knew that when he pulled into the handicapped space close to the front he silently thanked God for the ability to park close to the entrance. 

He recalled running to the ER admissions desk and asking about Vicki. "Vicki...uh...Victoria Bardole. My fiancée, she was brought in ambulatory about forty five minutes ago. She's pregnant."

He remembered looking at the false smile of concern on the ER admissions clerk. "Bardole...let me see...ah, here we go. Room nine, sir. Let me buzz you in." William was at the slick dull metal doors before the buzzer sounded. {Nine...nine...nine} He frantically looked up at the numbers above the doors. "Shit!"

"Sir? Can I help you?" A very nice heavy set black nurse stopped William. She could see that he was upset. 

"I'm looking for room nine. It's my fiancée. She's here. She's pregnant." For some inane reason William thought the nurse's name sounded so melodic. {'Tympania' sort of like the percussion instrument.}

'Tympania DeShawn, RN (Proudly 17 years serving Grady Memorial)' led him to the room. But William stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Vicki screaming. He couldn't make out the words but he knew she was in pain. He didn't need to be told what was happening. Nurse De Shawn looked at him and said, "Baby, why don't you wait out here for a minute."




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 02



He stood outside and listened to Vicki's cries. That minute turned into the most agonizing hour of his life. Two ER operating nurses entered the room along with an orderly. The next thing he knew, they were wheeling Vicki off to surgery. She lost the baby. A little boy. And William suddenly realized that he was mentally spent and felt empty. 

The next few days were horrible. She kept saying how sorry she was. How it was her fault. How she'd slipped because she was trying to run to the restroom. But it didn't really matter. What was done, was done...and couldn't be undone. He got the strange feeling that she wanted him to get mad at her, but he just couldn't. It would have served no purpose.

And the following weeks weren't much better. But in the past couple of weeks, it seemed like Vicki was starting to recover a bit of her 'pre-miscarriage' sanity. In fact, she'd become over zealous in trying to be 'everything' to William and it was starting to get to him because just when he'd start to feel comfortable, she'd flip out on him, just like she did there in Adam's work room. ...................

******

...............William stared at his hands and sighed. If only he hadn't opened his big mouth and said something so asinine. Yes, if only. If. "Damn it." He muttered to the silence, half expecting a reply. But from whom, he was not sure.



Crucifix: Longing Ch. 03



Chapter 3. They meet.

Almost four months passed and though they did not know it, Erin and William were destined to be thrown together by the circumstances of their lives. 

******

Erin had to deal with two harsh realities. First was coming to grips with the realization that James was gone. Gone. Never coming back. And worse yet was that she didn't even get to go to his funeral. Her parents went and told her it was a moving ceremony. They said that several of his students came to say their goodbyes as did his friends. But she didn't get to go. The one person who loved him and needed him more than the air around her, didn't get to go say a proper goodbye. 

Second (and she didn't know if it was worse than James being dead) was the agonizing truth that she was never going to dance again. And the prospect of walking seemed to slip farther away from her with each passing day. As she lay there in the semi-dark stillness of her hospital room trying to fall asleep, all she could really do was listen to the buzz of the pale yellow light in the sterile bathroom off to her left. The sound of it drove her crazy. Why couldn't she remember to ask someone to turn it off?

Erin willed her legs to move, but to no avail. Not that she would have been able to get to the switch so she could turn it off herself; but rather, so she could simply have the satisfaction of knowing that she could do it...if she wanted. But she couldn't and she knew the odds were against her ever being able to jump up out of any bed to do anything. 

After three weeks she was nearly ready to pull her hair out by its roots. Thankfully the doctors released to her parents for home care. She felt so worthless knowing that she couldn't really 'do' anything and had to rely on her parents to help her. The next two and a half months were almost as nerve wracking as being in the hospital. The living room was turned into a makeshift bedroom since there was no way Erin could make it up the stairs in a full leg cast. Her parents made sure she had all the 'comforts' an incapacitated girl could want. TV, video games, magazines, and parents who doted on her.

Comforts, damn them. And when Karen and Randy came over all she wanted to do was throw up. Erin was actually mad at the two of them. Why? Because neither one of them 'looked' like they'd been in a car accident that had killed one person and left another irrevocably injured. But when they told her what had actually happened she wasn't sure if she should have cried or blasted them for telling her.

Karen spoke with tears in her eyes, "It was so bad. I remember hurting all over and looking over to see Randy..." Her voice trailed away.

Her husband, the quiet, humble banker cleared his throat, "I don't really remember much. I was pretty much out of it until the next day."

Erin could hear the tightness in her sister's throat when she started to speak again, "But I was wide awake." She absentmindedly played with the tissue in her hand, "And I couldn't do anything. I was pinned. When the paramedics came, they told me that Randy and I would be fine." Karen started sobbing so loudly she was barely able to catch her breath. "And then...and then...Oh, God, Erin. I...I'm so sorry."

Even though Erin was pretty sure of what Karen was going to tell her next, she had to know. She had to hear it. "Go on."

Karen sniffled and dabbed her eyes, "I asked them where you and James were because I knew you weren't in the car. And they said you were fine. Bastards."

Erin shook her head. The memory of looking around as she lay in the ditch on the side of the road rushed forward. She remembered screaming and seeing a motorcycle in front of her, its rear tire spinning like a child's top. And then, just as Karen started to talk, she got a flash of something so horrible she felt her blood run cold. 

In her mind's eye, hidden deep within her subconscious, was the image of James lying halfway out of the car, his head resting on the pavement. His eyes were closed like he was sleeping. But she remembered seeing the pool of blood oozing away from him toward the ditch, following the practically invisible slope of the faded pavement. Erin knew he was dead right then, but for some reason, her mind told her it wasn't real. 

She remembered feeling the gentle rainfall on her skin, but it wasn't real, either. Or was it? Erin couldn't separate what she knew to be fact from what she prayed was fiction. The next thing she really remembered was waking up in her hospital room. She'd been successful in forgetting about it all...until Randy and Karen opened their big mouths.

Karen looked at Randy as he leaned to kiss his wife's hand. Randy continued where Karen left off, "The troopers told us that the accident happened because...well...it was raining you know. And I...well...I..." He looked at his wife. Neither of them said a word. 

Merle Durant quietly finished what his son started, "Honey, it seems that Randy ran the red light and there was a tractor trailer coming through the intersection at the same time. It...uh...it hit the Tahoe broadside."

Erin remembered seeing the lights of the truck. They came at her so quickly, blindingly. But the image of the motorcycle tire spinning weighed heavy on her, "The motorcycle...what about the motorcycle? Was the driver ok?" She didn't even seem to hear that it was Randy's fault. Maybe her mind was telling her not to hear it.

"Oh, that." Karen cleared her throat, "He's okay. He skidded out to avoid going into the whole thing. He had on a Kevlar suit." She giggled a bit, "Lucky rich bastard. Only got a broken arm and a sprained wrist. And there were two other cars that hit the back of the truck. But they weren't too seriously injured. Bumps, bruises, cuts and a couple of broken bones."

It was around this time when it dawned on Erin that her father said the accident was Randy's fault. Erin looked at her brother and was filled with a blind rage. Not at him, though. But rather, at herself. If she hadn't been fucking James and if she hadn't been taunting Randy, none of this would have happened. It was her fault. Not Randy's. James was dead because of her. Erin could taste the bitterness of bile that rested at the back of her mouth. 

Erin didn't pay much attention to anything they said after that. She simply 'turned herself off' and fell into a deep depression. She didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone or eat. The next week was a blur for her. 

"Honey," Merle Durant walked into the living room, "the center just called and said we need to go ahead and schedule your sessions since you'll be getting your cast of next week."

Erin stared at the TV and tried to ignore the constant itching on her thigh. Not only did she have a cast on, but she'd had surgery to set the bone with pins and the incision site with its stitches was driving her nuts. {Physical therapy? What the fuck for?} "Yeah. Okay, Daddy. Whatever." Erin had no idea of knowing that the call her father was about to make to the Grayson Center would change her life forever.

******

William dealt with Vicki like he always did when she got upset. After sleeping in the guest bedroom and honestly feeling that Vicki just needed to get over 'it', he decided he'd have to do the 'usual' to get back in her good graces. Hence, two days after the 'workroom blowup', which he thought was ridiculous and without merit, he decided to give in and admit he was wrong. 

He set his plan in motion shortly after Vicki dashed off to the Grayson Center for the morning shift. He bought her a beautiful bouquet of roses, a box of Godiva caramels, and ordered a meal from Chez Monique to be delivered to the house no later than seven PM. That always seemed to work. 

Yes, Vicki was a tad high maintenance, but she was worth it. Well, she was really good in bed, and in the living room, and the car. He grinned as he thought of the 'make up sex' that would surely follow his 'sincere' apology. To make it even better, he bought her a beautiful bracelet. Something shiny always helped Vicki get over things much quicker.

Later that night as they sat there eating a meal that was entirely too expensive for the quality, William thought to himself that Vicki had certainly milked the whole miscarriage thing for all that is was worth. Especially when he saw her staring at her slim, tanned wrist and the beautiful bracelet that now adorned it and the deeply satisfied expression that crossed her face.

He swallowed his asparagus and smiled. {How can a bracelet and candy make it all better? Shit. Goddamn her.} Maybe it was harsh of him to feel that way, but he was getting tired of her using the miscarriage it against him, to get what she wanted. It was his child, too...or did she forget that? William looked over the rim of his wine glass inwardly smirking as he wondered where the night would fall on his 'Vicki scale'. {Seven? Nine? It's been a while...she wants it...be realistic, eight...yeah, eight}

The Vicki Scale was simple enough to understand:

Zero = no sex at all, utter denial (a number which he'd been living under for a week now). 

3 = 'Better make the best of it' sex. 

5 = 'A mediocre blow job and fairly good sex'. 

7 = 'A fairly good blow job and damn good sex'. 

8 or over made for the stuff of locker room talk. 

And sometimes, a few rare times, Vicki would give him an 11, which equaled, 'leave you shaking uncontrollably sex.' 

William thought it ridiculous that he had started rating his sex life on a scale. He didn't do that before. Never. He used to think it was so conceited when he heard other guys say, 'she was a 4 or she was an 8'. It always seemed to him that those relationships were on the rocks and destined to fail. Maybe it wasn't a good sign. 

Later that night, as they sat on the couch watching some stupid 'chick flick', Vicki 'forgave' William and let him kiss her. Really kiss her, not just one of those 'love you have a good night, sweetie' kisses. He watched her wipe her lip and then dash away. {Shit! What did I do now?} 

But when Vicki stepped back into the living room wearing nothing but a cut off t-shirt and a tiny red thong, William knew that 'all was good in the neighborhood' and he grinned broadly. {Seven, gonna be at least a seven.}

Vicki dimmed the lights in the room and slinked over to the couch much like a fox sneaking up on the hen house. She slid between his reposed legs and lifted his shirt to reveal his tight, rippled abdomen. She trailed her fingers up and down his exposed skin and watched as goose bumps rose on William's arms making the tiny golden hairs stand on end. "God, William, your body is wonderful." Her voice was deep, and silky smooth.

"Thank you." William could tell from the way Vicki moved that she was just as wound up as he was. "Yours is pretty nice, too." He put his hands beneath her arms and pulled her up higher on his chest. As he did so, he could feel her nipples run along his chest. Which was, in and of itself, a nice sensation because her nipples were hard and taut enough to be felt through her both t-shirt and his shirt. {Alright} He felt her lips land on his and eagerly opened his mouth to let her explore.

Her tongue was hot and he could still taste a blend of caramel and red wine on it. William wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeper, desperately wanting to taste more of the sweetness her mouth held. When the kiss was finished, William grinned and shook his head, "Jesus, Vicki, I've missed this."

"I know baby. I know. And I'm so sorry." She kissed his ear and William felt a tingling sensation run down his legs to his toes. And oddly, that weird 'phantom leg' sensation became more pronounced. It always happened whenever he was sexually aroused. It was like he could not only feel his missing leg, but that he could 'move' it, too.

And he'd been without Vicki's touch for so long. The way William felt at that moment was so much more intense than he could remember it had been recently. Maybe it was because of the fight. Who really knew? Oh, they'd had sex a few times since the miscarriage but he always felt like it was sex given by her as though it were a requirement. It was good. Maybe a 4 but not a 5. 

But as Vicki's hands started to explore the lower region of his body, William stopped thinking of the scale and let his mind wander. Her hands, the hands of someone trained in massage therapy, were strong yet gentle. And when she took hold of his already hardening shaft, she started to work her magic on him.

He felt her fingers glide up and down him. She moved them with such ease and skill. He envisioned the only thing that he thought could move with such fluidity. A snake. Maybe a sidewinder as it slithered across the hot desert floor. Or maybe a cobra with its hood revealed as it undulated back and forth in front of its prey. It struck William as odd to equate of her hands to the deadly actions of cold blooded reptiles because when he looked into her blue eyes, he could feel only an intense heat radiating from her.

Vicki kneaded him for a few minutes and could feel him getting so hot she knew she'd better stop. So, instead, she sat up and pulled her t-shirt over her head, revealing her luscious chest. She watched William's expression and grinned, "Wanna little taste, baby?" Even without so much as the tiniest nod 'yes' Vicki knew he did. 

She leaned forward and let her right nipple brush across his lips. William reacted instinctively, impulsively, and took the offering into his waiting mouth as he grasped both her breasts with his large hands. He felt her nipple harden under the movement of his tongue and it drove him insane. How could they possibly get any harder? The mere thought of it made him want to seize her other nipple.

He hungrily pushed her left breast firmly beside her right one and ran his tongue across both erect nipples. Vicki moaned and he could feel her body give way to his actions. He felt her shiver and knew that it had nothing to do with being cold. No, not at all.

He knew she wanted him too, but he'd felt he'd been denied what he had craved for too long and wanted to make her wait a bit longer. William stopped kissing her breasts and whispered in her ear, "Vicki you know what I want, don't you?" He heard her say something but it was unclear what her words were; however, he knew simply from her reaction that she understood his subtly implied request. 

Without so much as another word, Vicki slithered down William's chest and made her way to his midsection. She laid her cheek against his throbbing cock and felt a wave of unbridled desire course through her. Vicki took hold of his zipper with her teeth and slowly, effortlessly, tugged it down. 

Then with yet another effortless, well practiced move, she slid her hands around the waistband of his boxers and swiftly pulled both them and his shorts off in one fluid motion. William lay there on the couch wearing only his shirt. He looked down at the tanned vixen between his legs and felt his cock start to twitch. 

And when she took hold of him yet again, only this time a bit firmer, he simply rested his head on the arm of the couch and let her have at him. Vicki wasn't one much for teasing his cock. No, she liked how it felt in her mouth and didn't want to waste time 'playing'. Which he actually sort of missed. All his other girlfriends would play with him. 

Instantly he was taken back to the first really good blow job he'd ever had. God, if there was one thing that Janet Winston could do to do better than anyone else he'd ever known, it was to give him the most amazing, awe inspiring, drop to the floor when it was over blowjob. She was so slow, so generous and filled with the want of making him feel good, that sometimes he couldn't physically move when she'd finished. God she was good. 

Vicki was good, too. But in a totally different way. She excelled in bringing him to an orgasm with her wickedly fast tongue and deep throat. And that night was no different. William felt her swallow him whole, practically devouring him in flash. 

She slid her tongue mercilessly across his shaft and reveled in hearing him inhale sharply. It was like she knew just how far to go before she had to stop, lest the fun end too soon. Vicki started to suck on him like there was no tomorrow, like she needed whatever it was within him to make her whole. And he did love that.

William could feel his heart rate rising and tried to calm his breathing. She really was wholly awesome. Before he realized what he was doing he had her head in his hands and was moving her back and forth on him like a madman. She'd brought him to the edge and he had to an almost uncontrollable need to jump off the narrow precipice that kept him on this side of sanity. 

He felt her moaning straight through his cock and he wanted more. William moved her head faster and faster. All those years of strength training gave him such control over her. And he loved knowing that there was nowhere she could go now. He loved knowing that even if she wanted to, she couldn't get away from him. And if there was one thing he was certain of, it was that she didn't want to get away. He could practically feel her desire to satisfy him, or maybe it was more a need to satisfy herself.  

William could feel her teeth gently grating against him as he directed her head and he couldn't stop. Faster, harder, deeper. He felt his eyes roll to the back of his head and he was awash in bliss. He pumped her mouth so full, he knew there was no way she'd be able to consume all that he had to offer. And William was right. But God help her, she tried. And when he was totally spent, he could feel Vicki's hot, wet tongue sliding across his abdomen taking in every drop of him that she could find. 

William lay there, collecting his thoughts and trying to come down from his orgasm. {That was a 9...yep...definitely a 9} He felt Vicki rest her head on his belly and could feel her hot breath blowing across his softer, but not diminished cock. Neither one of them spoke which allowed him to simply lay there enjoying the feel of her breathing on him.

Then, from somewhere deep inside, William felt a great surge of energy. He wanted more. Much more and he looked down at Vicki and had an insatiable desire to go to town on her. Yes, he loved when she would pleasure him; but, nothing drove him wilder than feeling a woman squirm beneath his lips. 

He pulled Vicki up to him and kissed her rather hungrily. William loved how Vicki, or any woman for that matter, tasted with a bit of his saltiness still on her mouth. And that made him want to partake of her even more. William firmly but gently pushed Vicki down to the carpeted floor and started to kiss down her body. 

He wasted no time in finding his way down to her thong. William slyly remarked as he slid the tiny material off of her legs, "Won't be needing these." He pulled them down and stared at her body.

How he loved looking at her when she was naked. She had the most amazing tan all over her body except for around the neatly trimmed and perfectly shaped triangle of hair that pretended to shield the most sensitive spot on her body. He smiled at her and politely offered her a pillow from the couch, "Get comfortable Vicki." 

He watched her grin as she took the small burgundy throw pillow and rested her head gently on it. William smiled and spread her legs apart. {You better get comfortable. You're in for it, you know that don't you?} 

She was wonderful to see when she was highly aroused and it turned him on like no one's business. William pushed her legs farther apart and looked at the perfectly shaped rosebud before him, and like any good gardener, he wanted to get closer to those delicate petals so as to inhale its fragrance. 

William gently placed his thumb on her already pert clit and started to gently massage her. He watched an almost pained look of ecstasy overtake Vicki's beauty queen face. He watched her breasts rise and fall more rapidly and decided he wanted to watch her start to go over the edge. He loved watching her writhe under his touch. 




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 03



William took two fingers and, like he was searching for the prize at the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box, dove into her. He watched as she bit at her lip trying to contain herself. "You like that, don't you Vicki? Tell me." He stared at her face, knowing that she adored his plunder of her but wanting to hear her say it. He moved his fingers faster in and out of her small opening and rubbed her clit more fervently. "Tell me, Vicki, or I'll stop altogether." 

She knew he was lying. She knew he wouldn't stop even if Gabriel came down from Heaven and told him to. And one thing Vicki loved was the feeling of subservience; however, it was something she would never in a million years dream of telling William about. No way. 

She had mentioned it to her last boyfriend and while he thought it fun and novel for a while, he soon bored of it and they eventually broke up. All because he didn't want to play her 'treat me like a bad girl' reindeer games. And there was no way in Hell she'd mention it to her soon to be husband...at least not until they'd been married for a while. 

William could practically see her thinking, "Come on Vicki. You know you like it. Now tell me."

"Yes, William, I love it."

"See that wasn't too difficult, was it?" He watched as she shook her head to his words and grinned knowing he had total control of her. Why if he really wanted to, he probably could have picked her up and carried her, his fingers were so deep in her. He could also see that she wanted more and, quite frankly, nothing made him feel more masculine than to make a woman have multiple orgasms. 

William slipped his fingers out of her and slid down between her waiting legs. He dipped his head down to inhale her. {Beautiful} And, like a person sampling a piece of chocolate from a box to make sure it was the one that they wanted, he took a quick little taste of her. {God, yes.} That was all the sampling he needed to do. 

She was much tastier than caramels. But as with all fine candies, it is often difficult to keep from gorging oneself. He started to lick her and suckle her madly. Besides, she'd gone after him with such ferocity so he figured that what was good for the goose was good for the gander, or rather, the other way around. He relentlessly went after her, torturing her with his tongue to the point where he could feel the sweet nectar within her start to trickle and he knew she was ready. 

He held her hips, pulling her closer, as she pushed herself down onto his greedy mouth. William loved that and when she put her hands on his head, urging him to go on...to not stop, he complied. He heard her start to squeal like a little mouse and felt her hips begin to shake and push violently against him. And then the flood of her hit him. It was wonderful. But more exciting than the taste of her on him was the throbbing that had been growing in intensity between his legs. 

William didn't want to wait for her to come back down to earth. No. He wanted inside her right then. She was ripe for the picking so to say. He climbed on top of her and slid inside. William could feel her muscles as they contracted and relaxed around him while he pushed into her. And she was still coming down from her orgasm when he started to move frantically in her.

Vicki wrapped her legs around him and spoke not one word. She couldn't. She was so swept away with him that she couldn't even form words. He saw the expression on Vicki's face and couldn't help but feel just a tiny bit smug. And from the increasing tightness around his cock, he knew she was in the middle of another orgasm. 

But he didn't let up. He wasn't about to stop because at that particular moment he had neither the desire nor the inclination to 'ease up' on her. He didn't really care if she stopped breathing at that juncture in there wild romp. It felt too good. William pounded her and thought of how she'd been so uncaring about his feelings about the baby and how she'd denied him the one thing that brought them together like two people in love should be together. 

He continued, faster, harder, deeper until an overwhelming darkness enveloped him. And just when he thought he'd be lost forever in a sea of unrelenting night, he saw a brilliant flash of light and felt as if he was falling without a net to stop him. But even if he slammed into the earth at the speed of light, it was well worth it. 

William woke up the next morning to the smell of freshly ground coffee and cinnamon and saw that he was still beside the couch only now he had a blanket strewn across him. The wine and the sex wore him out. And he hadn't slept so well in weeks. William grinned at Vicki as he watched her move in the kitchen. {That was a 12...bordering on 13. Damn.} 

Vicki brought him a cup of the fresh brew and a toasty cinnamon bagel. She kissed his cheek and smiled, "I'm glad we made up." 

He bit into the bagel and nodded. {Me, too.} William sipped his coffee, happy in the knowledge that everything was 'okay' once again between him and Vicki. 

And it really was, for a while. Vicki became moody again and, it seemed to William, that she was avoiding him. Sort of like when she was mad at him. What was stranger still was that she didn't act mad. Not in the slightest. Rather, she seemed indifferent towards him. {Maybe she's getting nervous about the wedding. God, five months from now and I'll be married.} 

******

"Erin Durant?" William walked into the physical therapy waiting area carrying a patient chart and saw a beautiful but sad young woman sitting in a wheelchair by the huge picture window that looked out onto the reflecting pond at the back of the Grayson Center.

An older woman, obviously her mother, as the younger woman looked to be a near perfect copy of her, stood and turned, "Yes, this is Erin. I'm her mother, Chaselyn Durant." She extended her hand to William.

"Hello, Mrs. Durant, I'm William Fitzpatrick, I'll be Erin's PT for the next few weeks." He turned toward Erin, noting that she'd not even made and attempt to acknowledge him. "Erin?" He shrugged his shoulders slightly and scribbled something down on her chart.

Chaselyn wrung her hands together and watched as the pen moved across the paper. "I'm sorry. She's a bit a...umm...this is quite difficult for her." Chaselyn turned and smiled at her daughter hoping to alleviate the tension.

"Mother, you do NOT need to speak for me. My legs are fucked up, not my mouth." Even though Erin never turned her head, William could see the sour look her face held. 

"Erin!" Chaselyn started to apologize once again for her daughter, "I'm so sorry..."

William put up his hand, "Don't worry about it. I'm used to it. I've got very thick skin, honest." He smiled at Erin's haggard mother as though to show her he was serious. Then he walked in front of his new 'patient' and smiled, "Erin, you might as well get used to me. You're gonna be stuck with me for a while."

"Great." Erin rolled her eyes and looked up at him with such vehemence the temperature probably dropped ten degrees. "Just what I've always wanted, my own personal pest."

William glanced at Chaselyn and could see tears forming in her weary eyes. He'd seen that same look in his sister's eyes when she took him to PT for the first time. And he knew exactly what Erin was feeling, too. They had so much in common. She was a dancer. He was a runner. Both of them were at the top of their game only to be knocked backwards by some cruel twist of fate.

He knew she was so mad at the world and that she wouldn't care if a truck hit her and ended her mental anguish. William remembered wishing the same thing. And that's why he specifically asked Trey Wells, the director of the PT department, for her case. 

There was something so familiar about her case it moved him. But he couldn't let her know that. He leaned close to Erin and whispered in her ear as he smiled pleasantly so as to fool her mother, "Erin, you can get as pissed as you want to and be as bitchy as you like. I don't really give a shit. Got it?" 

Erin kept her eyes forward, trying to avoid his. But as he leaned toward her and the sun came in, hitting the tiny golden crucifix around William Fitzpatrick's neck, her eyes were drawn to the tiny icon. She was really pissed with Mr. Almighty and had been so for several months. And it galled her to think that her new 'PT coach' or whatever he was called, was probably some arrogant 'holier than thou' asshole.

When he finished, William stood tall and saw her unphased expression. {Jesus, she is going to be a tough one.} He was taken aback by Erin's angry stare. Her eyes were hauntingly beautiful. They were golden and reminded him of summer. Then a thought raced through his head and he glanced Heavenward, {Is she Your way of reminding me just how much of a shit I was? Great.}

Erin acted as though she didn't care what he had to say to her. But, truth be told, his words ripped through her. And she wasn't sure if she was because she was mad or scared. However, being 'mad' was much easier to deal with than being terrified. {Asshole! What are you smiling about?} Unable to think of anything utterly derogatory she said the first thing that popped into her head, "Fuck you."

"ERIN!" Chaselyn's jaw dropped. "Oh my God! I am so..." But before she could continue to offer her apologies for her daughter's blatant rudeness, William grabbed the wheelchair hand grips and turned the rolling seat toward the double doors of the PT room. 

"We'll see you in about ninety minutes, Mrs. Durant. Why don't you grab a soda? Or go outside, it's a lovely day." William was so calm but beneath his façade, he knew he needed to get Erin away from her mother. He knew that Erin was feeding off of her mother's sorrow and that her mother would hover over her like an eagle guarding its egg.

Before either Erin or Chaselyn could respond, he'd pushed the metal 'open' plate on the wall and the double doors to the main PT room spread wide, like a pair of inviting arms. He stopped outside one of the small exam bays, "Okay, Erin, we'll just have a quick 'look see' before we go any further." He locked the wheels of the chair and held out his hands, "Upsie daisy, Erin."

Erin rolled her eyes, "I'm not three, you dip-shit. And I can't exactly hop up you know or didn't you read that fucking chart you keep writing on?" She looked up into his blue-green eyes hoping to see that she'd pissed him off enough to let her have her way and leave. Instead she was struck by how confident and determined his eyes were. 

She remembered looking at people that way. Her dance teacher told her long ago that confidence was the one thing that separated good dancers from prima ballerinas. And she did it so well, too. Like she was the 'queen bee' and everyone around her was a worker bee. Not like she was a 'better' dance...but rather, the 'best' dancer. Suddenly Erin felt very small and weak and useless under his strong gaze.

For a brief instant, William saw the delicate features of her face appear from behind her stony mask and for some inane reason, he wanted to give her a hug. She just looked so sad. But he wasn't here to give her hugs or to be 'sweet' and 'understanding'. So, he sighed and said, "Yes, I know that Erin. I've read your file. I know you were a dancer. I know you were in a terrible car wreck. And I know that you have limited sensation in your legs. Now, shut up and take my hands and I'll pick you up."  

He held out his hands in front of her for a minute with no response. He sighed deeply and glanced at the clock, "Look Erin, I can do this for another eighty three minutes if you like, but I promise you're going to get really fucking tired of looking at me and my hands after a while."

{No I won't. You'd be pretty nice to stare at. What the...? Erin? What are you thinking?} She shook the thought from her head. "Fine! God, Jesus!"

William laughed, "I'm sure they'd be pleased to know that you're thinking of them. Now, put your arms around my neck." He leaned in closer to her and was struck by a soft smell of baby powder and roses as she wrapped her arms around his neck. {Damn! She smells like an angel.} "There you go, that's it." He put his hands on her waist to lift her and was shocked at how tiny she was beneath her large sweat shirt. {Christ, I could break her in two.}

Erin felt herself rising up from the chair and immediately noted how large his hands were. His swift, fluid movement reminded her of being lifted by Kieran Belzer, the principle male dancer at the company. Only William Fitzpatrick was a good two maybe three inches taller than Kieran, probably fifty pounds heavier, much more handsome, and much less effeminate. 

And while her own body hadn't moved with blithe grace for months, she could not help but notice the slightly off-balance gait, subtle though it was, of her 'gallant' therapist as he carried her. {That's weird. Well, Kieran's got him there. This guy moves like a moose in a tiptoeing contest.} Yes, Kieran was a better dancer than most people, men and women alike, dreamed of being. And the thought of seeing her new PT guy chasseing around a dance floor struck her as funny. 

William noted that beneath her heavy sweatshirt was a pair of blue shorts. And as he lifted her, one hand slid beneath her knees, "Here we go." William confidently carried her as he walked toward the table. "This shouldn't take long."

While he carried her into the 'exam bay' she pulled one hand from around his neck and placed it on his chest. {My God.} She could feel all the muscles in his chest. Even though she couldn't 'see' his chest, she knew that he was so much more developed than James. {James. I miss you.} And that brief thought of James was enough to make her want to cry. {Suck it up, Durant. No one cares if you're 'sad', least of all this guy.} Thinking of James always made her so sad. 

Yes, anger was so much easier to deal with than sadness. All she wanted to do was to go home and go to bed. If she slept the day away, she wouldn't have to deal with physical therapy, or her parents or the few trickles of people who still occasionally dropped by her house to see her. "Look, is this really necessary? I can't fucking walk, okay, Genius. There you go. Exam done." {Ha! Asshole! You'll fucking hate me by twelve thirty.} 

True, he was exasperated with her attitude. But he could get over that. He'd done it several times whenever he got a challenging patient. However, what he couldn't get over was how shocked he was over how very light she was and how soft her skin was and how utterly feminine she smelled that he didn't really hear her. He looked down at her long legs and got another whiff of her roses and baby powder. 

William took a deep breath, which Erin assumed was because she was getting to him. She was. But it wasn't because he was angry with her. Quite the contrary, how could he be angry with someone who smelled so beautiful and soft? He recognized a familiar, rather nice, warm sensation shoot through his body. 

He shook his head. {No fucking way. Damn, William, you gotta chill out. Shit! Vicki better get home on time today.} She'd been away for a week with some of the other PT personnel at a training seminar and he couldn't believe he wanted to have sex so badly. It was more of a feeling of need. {That's it Will. It's because Vicki's been gone and you're hard up. Yeah, that's gotta be it.}

William gently set Erin on the table, "Okay, lie back."

Erin smugly asked, "Why? You gonna feel me up or something? Hmmm?"

William ever the consummate professional when it came to his job sighed, "No." Oh, he'd had tiny crushes on some of his patients. No. Not crushes exactly. He likened it to an extreme sense of compassion. A feeling that would 'turn on' at the start of a PT session and end as soon as the person was gone from sight. And those weird attachments usually didn't form until a few weeks after he knew the patients. 

However, his body was telling him that his attraction to Erin Durant was more than sympathetic. {Not that I wouldn't like to feel you up. Damn, William, maybe you can pick Vicki up at the airport.} "I want you to tell me what you feel. Your chart says you've got some sensation. I need to know how much and exactly where."

"Fine, whatever." Erin laid back and watched him place his hands on her left leg. "Nope can't feel it." She lied. Erin could feel things in her upper left thigh. In fact, she had noticed a tingling sensation just a few days earlier but refused to believe it was anything. And, in keeping with her 'I don't want your help' persona, she rolled her eyes.

"Erin," he started, "close your eyes please." He watched as she rolled them once more and complied with his request. "Thank you. Now...tell me what you feel. Keep your eyes closed and point or tell me where you think I'm touching." William watched her face for any expression changes as his hand slowly made its way down her leg. "Tell me Erin."

With her eyes closed, Erin tried to focus on his hands. She felt the warmth and pressure of his hand on her thigh. She sat straight up, "Okay, I know you're touching me about half way down my thigh." She placed her hand directly on top of his.

The touch of her hand on his, shocked him. He stared at her for a second. If Erin felt the same sensation that William did, she certainly didn't show it. He cleared his throat, "Good. Now keep your eyes closed." William slowly slid his hands down her leg, to her knee. 

As he waited for her response, if any, he noted how smooth her legs were. Much smoother than if they had been recently shaved or even waxed. {Dancer...probably had electrolysis.} He smirked as he thought about how some of his friends on the track team had considered 'permanent hair removal' in an effort to gain one one-hundredth of second in speed. 

Erin, her eyes still closed thought she could feel his hands near her knee. "There. My knee, I think." She slowly lifted her hand and touched the back of his hand with her fingertips. When her fingers made contact with his skin, Erin was beside herself with...joy...yes, joy. She'd spent so many weeks harping on what she couldn't feel, that she neglected to focus on what she could feel. Without realizing what she was doing, a smile, a real smile grew on her face, brightening and softening it all at once. 

That smile was not lost on William. When he saw it and noted that her eyes were still closed, relishing the sensation, no doubt, he felt his own face grow flush. "Good, good." {Jesus Christ, you are beautiful.} He slid his hands down her to her calf and said nothing.

Erin could feel her pulse pounding in her ears. {Calm down, you idiot. It doesn't mean anything.} But still, she refused to open her eyes. She was afraid the feel of his hands would fade away if she did. And though the sensation wasn't as pronounced as when he first touched her thigh, she knew he was touching her calf. {Wait? Is he massaging my calf?} She opened her eyes and saw that, yes, indeed he was. 

"What are you doing?" She tried to sound angry or maybe highly annoyed but watching his hands move and, moreover, feeling them was highly...stimulating. {Ok, Erin, what is going on with you?} What was going on? Who knows. Was it the fact that she was 'feeling' something other than weird tingling sensations? Was it seeing his hands? Was it knowing that no one had touched her or had come anywhere near caressing her in months? She didn't know.

But she was certain of one thing. 'William Fitzpatrick, Certified PT' was very handsome, very gentle, and seemed to have the temperament of the proverbial duck who let water simply roll off his back as opposed to fighting against it. "Excuse me? I said, what do you think you're doing?"

William stopped and smiled, "Well, I know that I've been pinching this muscle for the past ten seconds. It took you a few moments to feel it, right?"




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 03



{Pinching? Damn!} A slightly sad look crossed her face.

"Hey, it's not a big deal. You felt it and that's all that matters. Close your eyes again, please." When he saw that here eyes were indeed closed, William held his pen and ran it up her foot try to check the intensity of any reflex irritability. He slid it up from heel to toe three times before he saw a 'knee jerk' reaction. "Good."

Erin's eyes flew open. "What was that?"

"Just a test to check for reaction to stimuli. The fact that you felt it is wonderful." William clicked the pen back 'on' and put a little 'X's' in each blank on beside the left foot on the sketch on her chart. "Close your eyes again." He could tell simply by the flush of her cheeks that Erin was excited to know that her left leg responded to stimuli. 

However, the hope that was alive for a minute was choked away when he did the reflexive response test on her right foot five times without so much as a twitch.

"Well? Aren't you going to do something?" Erin sighed deeply without opening her eyes. In reality, she knew that he wasn't just standing there staring at her. No, she knew that he was doing something...her right leg just couldn't feel it. {Damn it!}

William could feel the frustration she emitted. He would have loved nothing more at that moment than to see her big toe twitch. But no. Nothing. He moved up to her calf and started to massage it. Again, there was nothing to indicate that she could feel his touch. 

By the time he made it to her knee and he saw no reaction, William decided to try something a bit more drastic. He took the safety pin out of his pocket, opened it and quickly poked the bottom of her foot. Nothing. Her calf. Nothing. The side of her knee cap.

Erin jumped, "SHIT! What was that?" She opened her eyes and saw the pin in his hand. "What the fuck was that for?"

"Pain. You reacted to pain. It's not the reaction I'd hoped for, but it's a response." Pain, while a good indicator of nerve receptivity is not one of the ways a physical therapist tries to elicit a response. {Damn, that sounded so professional.} He stared at her and poked the tip of the pin along her thigh. "How about that?"

She grinned, "Yes, I feel it." That's when it dawned on her. {Holy shit! I felt that! Oh my God. Oh my God!} 

William watched her face light up as the realization that her right leg did react to stimuli overwhelmed her. And then, without trying to bash her hopes into a messy pulp, he carefully said, "Erin, you need to realize that even if this means you have sensation, it doesn't mean you'll be walking anytime soon. And you might always need a cane."

She shook her head, "I know." 

His heart melted a tad when she looked at him with her soft, golden eyes and before he realized what he was saying he blurted out, "Your eyes are beautiful, Erin."

That was a compliment she hadn't heard in months. Not since James... "Thank you." It took a few seconds for her to realize that she didn't feel overwhelmed with sadness when she thought of James. Even if it was a peace she felt for only a few seconds. "That's very kind of you." 

William saw the stony mask return to her face. "The important thing is to make your legs and your brain to talk to one another while we convince your spine to allow them to converse." As he spoke, William touched his right hand to her cheek, then to her thigh and last, along her low back. His left hand remained on her thigh.

He let his hand linger on her thigh, touching the edge of her shorts, longer than he should have and stared into her eyes again. He knew he could easily see himself falling into those eyes. {Keep your hands off, Will. God, are you stupid or what?} 

Erin felt his hot hand on her leg and back and got that same, intense tingling sensation deep in the pit of her stomach that she would often get when she saw an intensely romantic scene in a movie or when... {Stop it!} "Yeah, gotta convince them to communicate." {How fucking stupid can you sound, Durant? God Almighty. It's not like he's doing you.} That silly, off the cuff thought, made her blush.

William decided it was time to stop the 'exam'. "Let's discuss the regimen you'll be working on. For the next few weeks."

Erin held up her right arm, "What about my arm?" 

"That's Occupational Therapy. You'll be working with someone else for that." William turned as if to avoid her next question.

"Someone else?" {Damn.} "Who?"

He cleared his throat. "Her name is Victoria Bardole. You'll like her. She's my fiancée."

Erin nodded and smiled politely, "Oh." 

Not much else was said between the two of them for the remaining hour. Juju Morris came to help William work with Erin at the low-weight station. Or, more correctly, for Erin, the 'no-weight' section. Lifting her own leg would be enough of a challenge for a while.

Before Erin realized it, she was sweating and physically exhausted. But she did it. She moved her left foot. It only took twenty minutes and all the will power she could muster. {Holy Christ, why is this so hard?} By the time William wheeled her back out into the waiting area, Erin looked like she was ready to take a well deserved nap...right after an equally well deserved bath.

Chaselyn couldn't believe the transformation in Erin from when she'd seen her go through the double doors an hour and a half earlier. Well, that wasn't true. Erin was always a hard worker who thrived on the effort it took to reach her goals almost as much as the goal itself. She kissed her daughter's damp brow. "Let's get you home."

William watched the mother and daughter leave the Grayson Center's physical therapy lounge; and, as the mother rolled his new patient away, William realized he was sad. No, frustrated. Sexually frustrated. {God, I can already tell that this is not going to be easy.} He returned Erin's chart to his tiny desk and waited as calmly as he could for Vicki to return. 

******

Five forty-five came and went. Vicki should have been home, but she wasn't. Six forty-five came and went. Still no Vicki. He called the airport. Her flight had been delayed by at least two hours. {Shit!} 

Nine o'clock came. No Vicki and he was so wound up he could barely contain himself. Ever since that girl, Erin Durant, had entered his professional life that morning, William was having trouble focusing on personal things other than having sex. What was it about her? Was it the similarity in their circumstances? Was it watching the dark cloud that loomed over her break apart so that some light could come in? Was it her golden eyes? Her hair? That soft, angelic face?

By ten o'clock William was one giant walking raw nerve. {Jesus H. Christ! Vicki, where in God's name are you?!?} He actually considered just going to town on himself like he'd been doing for the past week simply to alleviate the need he had. But no. He was bound and determined to wait for her. 

He laid in their bed and watched the ceiling fan spin slowly around and around. And even though William tried his best to stay awake, he fell asleep waiting for Vicki to return. His mind raced with thoughts of the day. He started to dream...............

******

..............Vicki smiled at him and kissed his forehead, "What are you doing?" 

William looked around, confused. {This isn't the house.} "I was waiting for..." He realized he was in the PT waiting room by the huge window that overlooked the pond at the Grayson Center. "Hold on...I...wait..."

Vicki walked, or rather floated somehow toward him. William was so confused. "What's going on?" 

She laughed, "Work you idiot, work." And then, for some strange reason, Vicki started to peel her clothes off. "Let's go baby." 

William was shocked, "Vicki, what the Hell are you doing?" 

"I'm going to work. Now come on or we'll be late." He watched Vicki push open the heavy doors to the PT room. "Come on, William." She turned and faced him. But he couldn't see her face. Only the outline of her body, silhouetted in the brilliant sunshine that filled the room. As she walked away from him, he couldn't help but stare at her perfect shape. "Well, are you coming?" She giggled and dashed away.

William tried to catch up to her, but for some reason he couldn't. His legs felt like they were laden with something. Lead, maybe. He stopped and tried to catch his breath. He felt someone standing behind him. And then he felt two cool hands cover his eyes. Someone, a female with a voice he recognized, whispered in his ear, "Guess who?"

He tried to lift her hands away from his face and heard her ask again, "Come on Billy, guess who...try...try." 

"Claudia?" William's heart started to pound harder. What was she doing here? Shouldn't she be in Orlando? Did Brody and Claudia come to Atlanta to visit? But something told him, she was not here with her husband and children. "Why are you here?" 

"I came to see you Billy. Silly Billy, silly Billy." She took her hands off of his eyes and walked in front of him. She was so beautiful. Angelic. And William couldn't help but put his hand on her cheek. "Did you miss me Billy?" She kissed him very gently on his lips. "I missed you."

William heard a voice, Vicki's voice, calling to him from one of the curtained areas. "Come here, William. Hurry." Her voice sounded urgent and he felt compelled to go to her. "Now."

He ran to her and pulled back the curtain. {What in God's name?} There before him, on the massage table was Erin Durant asleep and stretched out, wearing her big gray sweat shirt. "Erin? But Vicki why is she here?"

Vicki giggled and reached out her hand to Claudia, who had somehow appeared right before her. "She's a new toy, William. Don't you want to play with her?"

"What in the name of...shit...what's going on?" He looked at Claudia, "What's going on...tell me, please."

Claudia grinned and ran her free hand down his chest to the hot bulge in his pants, "Come on Billy, we know you want her don't you? It's alright you know. We won't tell anyone." She ran her slim fingers across Erin's lips, "She so soft." Then he watched as Claudia leaned and kissed Erin's lips very lightly. "God, she smells so wonderful. Come here, Billy"

He just stood there watching. "Claudia, what are you doing?" He watched his sister kiss her once more and he was awestruck at how badly he wanted to join her. But something about this was so wrong. He walked closer to Erin and his sister and stared at them. Erin didn't move, not one bit. In fact, he had to touch her to see if she was real. He felt her skin. {Real, it's her. God, what's going on?}

Vicki's voice called him, "Her legs are so nice. Don't you think so, baby?" William turned and saw Vicki slowly taking her hand up and down Erin's pale, slender, dancer's legs. Then he watched as she started to kiss Erin's legs. Taking time to stop every now and again to look up at him. William was gobsmacked. He felt weak. "Yummy. You do think they're nice, don't you William?"

"Yes, her legs are so nice. I want to kiss her, too." He couldn't believe what he had just said. But faster than a blink, he was there beside Vicki and they were kissing Erin's legs. {Holy Mary, she tastes like...cotton candy.} William started to have trouble breathing. "Stop, stop. This isn't right."

Claudia stood in front of him, "Come on Billy, you know you want her. Who wouldn't? She's luscious. You like luscious things don't you?"

He nodded.

"Like me, right?" She slowly pulled off her top and revealed her beautiful breasts to him. Breasts that as a hot, hormone driven teenager he used to sneak and look at when she was changing her clothes. She was so fucking hot. All his friends talked about doing her. He couldn't help but look at her. 

And one time she actually caught him getting off to her picture. But she didn't see the picture; she thought it was to something on his TV. He remembered how she just laughed, shook her head and walked off saying, "Father Thomas said you'll go blind doing that, Billy." {Fuck Father Thomas, fuck rules. God, I want her.} He knew it was wrong to want her. William had spent many Saturday afternoons in the confessional at Our Lady of the Lake Church. 

"Claudia, please don't do this to me." He could feel tears welling in his eyes and a painful tightness in his pants. "Please."

"Alright Billy. Don't get upset. Look, Vicki wants me." Claudia turned toward Vicki, "Don't you?" 

William watched his fiancée take Claudia's hand and then kiss her as if she were kissing him. It was so amazing. It was beautiful. It was making him so hot. He watched their soft pink tongues as they moved them together. He watched Vicki put her hand on Claudia's breast and start to massage it. "What are you doing?"

Claudia smiled at him, "She's doing what you want her to do, Billy. We're doing what you want us to do." 

Then William watched in amazement as Claudia went down before Vicki and started to kiss the edge of her lacy panties. He looked at Vicki and saw the same expression on her face as when he would lick her. He looked down and saw Claudia partaking of the woman he would soon call his wife. {Jesus Christ, what is going on here?} "Stop. Stop! STOP!" He yelled at her and Claudia stopped. 

He heard Vicki giggle and looked down into Claudia's blue-green eyes. He saw her lips glistening with the sweetness of his bride to be. William couldn't help himself. He reached down and pulled his sister up to him. Without so much as a second thought, he kissed her lips. She tasted wonderful. It was a mixture of Claudia and Vicki. Everything he thought he ever wanted. 

But when he opened his eyes he was not looking into Claudia's eyes. Instead, he was trapped in the hot gaze of Erin Durant's golden eyes.

William woke up. He was drenched with sweat and his mind was racing. He tried to shake it off. {Let it go. Vicki'll be here soon.} He looked at the clock.

William lay there in the shadowy darkness trying to understand what had just happened. {God, Will, it was just a dream. You're just wound up. But why? Why was he so wound up? Erin Durant was a patient...just a patient.

He shook his head when it dawned on him that he'd had a second lurid dream with his sister and that wasn't what he was focusing on. As he lay there trying to sort it all out, he realized he knew why she was on his mind. 

He had put his hands on her legs. Moved them slowly as he waited to see her response. He remembered thinking to himself even then that maybe, just maybe he was going just a little too slowly. He also remembered how soft her skin was and how he wanted to keep going up her thigh, to see what lay underneath her little blue shorts. 

And dear God, she smelled so soft. {Jesus, William. She's a patient. Maybe you should give her case to someone else.} But the other part of his body, the one that could make him do practically anything, told him 'No, don't do that. It'll be fine. Trust me.' 

He drifted back to sleep only to be awakened by the sound of the garage door opening. He turned to look at the clock. Twelve fifty-two. {It's about fucking time!} He was mad. {Where in the Hell has she been?} He was so mad. And he wasn't even sure why he was mad.

A couple of minutes later Vicki came into the bedroom, completely worn out. "God, baby, I'm sorry. My flight was delayed. And I was starving so Trey took me to get a bite to eat."

"We have food here you know." He was so angry. {God, she's so fucking inconsiderate. Why didn't she call?} "You know, you could have called."

"Jeez, William, my battery died."

"Battery died?" William couldn't believe her. "Didn't Trey have a phone?" She'd been gone for a week and she had to know how much he wanted her. Couldn't she hear it in his voice? 

She rolled her eyes at him, "Damn it, William. I'm fucking tired. I'm going to bed now. If you don't want me to go sleep on the couch, then fucking shut up."

William sighed and shook his head, "Sorry. Really." 

Vicki turned away from him and went to the bathroom, muttering something he couldn't make out. He watched her close the door. Something wasn't right. Something seemed different about her. She was acting even more aloof now than before she left for her trip. He waited and waited for her to come to bed. Finally, he turned off his bedside lamp and decided to go to sleep. 

And as soon as the light was off, Vicki quickly climbed into bed and rolled away from him. {She's just tired, William. That's all.} His eyelids grew heavy. Images of Vicki and Claudia and Erin raced through his head. William went back to sleep more wound up than before. But he knew he could remedy that quickly tomorrow morning in a nice hot shower.



Crucifix: Longing Ch. 04



Here's chapter 4...thanks for being so patient! A new school year started and the 'teacher' side of me had to do all that silly 'school' stuff! I hope you enjoy reading about the intensifying relationship between William and Erin. Enjoy.

*

Chapter 4. Hot Showers, Tensions Rise, Inhibitions Fall

William woke the next morning with a knot in his neck. "Damn it." He'd slept deeply; yet, it was not a peaceful sleep. It was like he closed his eyes at one o'clock that morning and instantly woke up to find that it was seven forty three. He tried to stretch out the muscle only to be met with a sharp pain that traveled down his neck and into his shoulder. "Fucking great, absofuckinglutely great."

{Take a shower. It'll help.} As a physical therapist, he knew it was his best option, so he made his way to the bathroom with his eyes barely opened. He turned on the shower and waited for it to get hot before he even considered stepping in. {All I need now is a cramp.} When he was satisfied that it was just the right temperature, William carefully stepped in, making sure to look and see that both his feet, the real one and the odd, arch-shaped three-toed titanium one, were planted carefully on the slip-proof mat. 

Ah, showers. If there was any one thing that William refused to give up because of his 'handicap', it was his showers. He didn't care if he had to crawl in on his hands and knees, by God; he was going to take a shower when he wanted one! Every damn morning and again at night if he felt like it!

It wasn't like he was a neat-freak or something. It was simply that showers were something William had loved since he was thirteen, no make that twelve. That's when Samantha Hamm moved down the street from him. Hammy Sammy was 'stacked, packed, and ready to roll' as he and his buddies would say. They called her 'hammy' not because she was fat...but rather because they all wanted to eat her like one would dine on a succulent rack of baby-back ribs. 

William remembered what it was like back then and how he would just stand there with his eyes closed and hold himself as he thought about Samantha. Oh and he would never forget the myriad of times he spent thinking of Carrie Miller in the shower. And then the Dotson twins. He often laughed when he wondered how many possible babies he watched go down the drain before he even turned fifteen. 

As steam started to rise up from the shower, William remembered how he would spend close to an hour in the shower each morning, except on Sundays. That was just too weird for him. No, he just couldn't walk downstairs and sit at the breakfast table with his mother across from him and try to act like he was being a good, pious Catholic boy. Who knows, maybe his mom was on to him. After all, she never disturbed his showers. Not once. Not even if he had that water running for forty-five minutes. 

And dear God, when they sat in mass and Father Timothy or Father Michael would talk about sins of the flesh, William could practically feel his mother's eyes boring into him. Yes, the more he thought about it the more he knew that she had to be on to him. 

William let the hot water cascade down over his body as he reminisced some more. He remembered how he would watch the fallout from his sins of carnal desire swirl down the drain when he was done. After which, he would walk away feeling satisfied that he'd gotten away with something that he'd been told over and over again was bad...unless, of course, you were married and did it with the sole intention of creating a life. Extending the family. 

Family. Oh, how William cherished his. Especially after his parents were killed. Because aside from a few far off 'relations' and his Aunt Doriah, he really only had Claudia to help him cling to what remained of his parents. 

Claudia. He honestly adored her because she always stuck up for him when no one else would. When he was nine, she even threatened to beat up Tucker Winslow for pushing him down one day. And she could throw a mean fastball, too. She was kind, friendly and caring. He looked up to his big sister. He admired her. 

But William didn't really see her as a sexual object when he was younger. Especially since he was pretty sure Claudia never saw herself as 'attractive' or 'womanly' or 'desirable'. In fact, she was rather shy and nervous around any man she encountered, save their relatives. Even then, she was reserved. And then, something changed. Something made his 'admiration' for her turn to 'affection' and that 'affection' turned to a dark, secret desire to have her. 

A desire that he knew was wrong. A desire that he knew would mortify Claudia almost as much as it frightened him to feel it. For the majority of their lives, whether it was at school or at home, the idea of 'sex' in any shape, form or fashion was viewed as something to stay away from because it could lead to sin and sin led to Hell. And God forbid any incestuous thoughts...they were a one way ticket to sit by Satan himself.

But be that as it may, William couldn't help how he felt. He often thought about exactly 'how' and 'when' everything changed. It all started the summer when he turned fifteen. He was at St. Joseph's and Claudia had been away at Holy Cross all year. Their parents went to see her quite often, but William didn't want to 'waste his weekends'. And then she went with her class to Italy in December for 'Christmas in Vatican City'. At Easter, she went to Guatemala with that same class on a mission. And the one week she was at home, he was with his friend's family in Colorado...skiing. William missed Claudia, his buddy...his protector...his friend, so much and regretted that trip as soon as it was over. 

When she came home that June, he was floored at how stunning his almost seventeen year old sister had become over that long year. Oh, she'd always been attractive. His friends all thought she was good looking and wanted to date her. Or more honestly, do her. At first it used to piss him off. But after she came home that summer and his buddies would say 'Jesus Christ, Fitzpatrick, how can you stand it? Your sister is so fucking hot', he didn't really know what to say. He knew he should have felt angry or mad...anything other than aroused...about their comments, but he couldn't. 

Yes, that summer there was something altogether different about Claudia. William remembered getting wound up when she'd come down for breakfast in her night shirt and slippers. He smiled to himself at the realization that it was that particular summer when the really intense showers began. The ones where he had to bite down on a washrag to keep from screaming out in ecstasy as he came to the thought of his sister. 

And then he would just stand there in the shower and pray that the water would wash away the shame he felt. But it never did, no matter how much he prayed. And going to confession wasn't an option. All the priests knew his voice. He wouldn't be able to look them in the face. No. Going to confession was definitely not an option in William's eyes.

But that was all so long ago. He'd not felt that way in at least nine years...before the accident. He remembered feeling wholly different about Claudia when she tended to him as though he was someone in need. He felt weak and useless. And that 'weakness' left him with a sense of self-loathing and shame more fierce than any of the wild, taboo dreams he'd had about her or the multitude of times he'd jacked off just looking at her picture. 

However, once he decided to 'chill' and just 'let life happen' he thought he had moved beyond it all. Beyond the shame about the incestuous feelings he had for Claudia. Beyond the shame of looking or being 'inadequate' in front of her. And beyond the shame of feeling inadequate in his own mind. That is, until that night with Vicki and her damn 'midnight ride'. 

But, William thought he had worked through that, too. {It was a fluke. It didn't 'mean' anything, William. Let it go.} He said that to himself over and over for nearly a week, like some mantra, to try and put it out of his mind.

Then last night happened. And now, as he stood there in that shower, all the confusion that had filled him before was back. {What the fuck was that all about Will? You're going off the deep end...HA! That's it. Temporary insanity! Shit, what the hell is wrong with me?} He watched the water roll over his skin. 

It was so hot. Scaldingly hot. He knew he would probably walk away from the shower with angry red streaks on his flesh. But he didn't care. He just wanted to get the images from last night out of his head. But dear God, try as he might, he couldn't.

William tried to think of nothing but Vicki. He tried to see only her face before him as he closed his eyes. But he couldn't. Because no matter how hard he tried, he could still see Claudia standing in the background. And it felt good knowing she was there. But it also frightened him to have those feelings again. So he tried doubly hard to rid his mind of her image. And then, just when the likeness of Claudia faded, he saw Erin and those beautiful golden eyes of hers.

They were haunting eyes. Sad eyes. Eyes that he could get lost in. 

He leaned against the cool tile walls and tried to resist the urge to hold himself as he worked to sort out what had happened in his vivid dream. But he couldn't fight it long. His unchaste desire to find a release through self-gratification overtook the rational part of his psyche. The rising shame-filled tension smoldered within him until it came to a point where he couldn't stop himself.

William kept his eyes closed as he took hold of himself. He could see them, all three of them, standing there before him in his mind's eye. They looked up at him with the lustful eyes of lionesses awaiting the arrival of the lion. Likewise, he wanted them. All of them. 

He wanted Vicki because he had already tasted her and knew her to be succulent and filling. He wanted Claudia because he'd lived for so long with the black shame of his forbidden desire and wanted to know if she was worth the guilt he felt. And last, he wanted Erin because she was, without a doubt, the closest mirror of his own tortured soul he'd ever encountered. 

He knew how she felt. He knew Erin yearned to be like she was; like she used to be. To dance with not a care in the world, just as he wanted to run with the sun on his face and the wind at his back.

With every sultry, lewd image that darted across his mind, William came closer to the edge that beckoned to him. It screamed, 'Jump Will, jump. Fall into the abyss. Do it.' So, he did. He felt his eyes roll to the back of his head as his cock filled with the creamy ejaculate that so desperately yearned to be freed. He wanted to scream with it. Needed to scream. And he didn't care if the neighbors in the next condo heard him. 

As he fell over the edge into a blissful orgasm, William let go of all of his stress and tension allowing his voice to echo the intense feeling that leapt up from deep within him. It felt so go to let it all out, both figuratively and literally. When he finished, it was almost like he could start the day anew. The peace he'd sought in the night, while not exactly the way he'd had hoped it would, finally came to him there in that shower, and damn if he wasn't exhausted. 

William rested against the wall and felt the chill of the tiles on his back. The cold porcelain on his flesh and the hot water that beat down on his chest created a feeling of tranquility within him. William let himself relax and as a result, all he wanted to do was go to sleep. 

He stepped out of the shower, quickly toweled off and considered getting dressed. Though 'considered' might be too powerful a word. Rather, the thought crossed his mind, is more like it. A quick look at the clock told him it was fine to crawl back under the covers and go to sleep for an hour or two. And that is exactly what he did.

....................

******

....................Erin woke to the sound of the lawn mower just outside the living room. She hated waking up. It only reminded her of how useless she was. She just wanted to back to her house, crawl into her bed and sleep...forever. But it would be a long time before she went back to her house...or rather the house James had welcomed her to share with him. The house that had been her home, for that is where her heart truly was, before the accident.

And James, God bless him, made his devotion for Erin readily known when he named her as the beneficiary of his life insurance policy shortly after she accepted his marriage proposal and saw to it that if anything happened to him, the house would be hers. Lord, was his ex-wife mad, too. She even tried to get a judge to make him sell the house and split the proceeds with her. But Judge Morris saw through her money grubbing actions and denied her request.

James told Erin never to worry, that he would always take care of her. God, he was a good man. Erin smiled every time she thought about it and about him. She missed 'their' house so badly. But she knew she'd go back, one day. Of that, Erin was one hundred percent certain. She missed her bed, her TV, her couch, her...everything.

But most of all, she missed James. She missed seeing him lying next to her in the morning when she woke up. And she missed seeing him trying, often in vain, to read a bit of his book at night. Erin had devilish habit for causing James to miss out on reading because of her playful nature. 

As she lay there in the living room, feeling how sore her abdominal muscles were from the previous day's leg workout, she thought about how she would often times roll over and wake James with little kisses along his slumbering cock. She loved how the corners of his mouth would draw up into a peaceful grin as she slid her tongue up and down him. She loved feeling him respond to the hot wetness of her mouth.

Many were the mornings that James would find his young bride-to-be nestled snuggly between his legs, partaking of him. And did he ever love it. She was so good with that mouth of hers. It was as though all the grace and fluidity she radiated when she danced made its way to her mouth, affording her the same ease and command of her tongue that she had with her body. 

And if there was any one thing Erin loved it was to see, it was how happy James would get when she pleasured him. Erin quickly learned when to ease up or speed up. She loved taking him to the edge and pulling him back...over and over again, until he couldn't stop himself from falling. 

Erin loved it when he lost control. She savored not only the essence of his physical offering to her, but also the deep emotional connection that grew stronger each time he spilled into her. And there were those times when James would beg her to stop so that he could slip into her, to connect in the most intimate of ways. 

He would pull her up to face him and whisper in her ear, "Please Erin, I need to be in you. Please." His voice melted her heart. She never turned him down. James would gently roll her over and find his way inside her. They moved in tandem, the two of them. Erin would close her eyes and let his love wash over her. 

He moved slow and rhythmically. He moved with purpose. He moved with love. And when he came within her, he shared himself in such a way that Erin wished his seed would take root...but it never did. She often chided, 'birth control be damned.' Now there was nothing left of him, save the memory of him. 

It tore at her soul when she thought of it because James was the one thing she coveted beyond all things, even her dancing. Because, in actuality, it was only when he'd come into her life that she'd been able to tap into the emotion she needed to really dance. But in the back of her mind, Erin knew that to covet was a sin, a deadly sin. And it filled her with sorrow to think that it was her greedy wantonness which had led to James being ripped away from her and the world.

Erin threw the blanket over her head and tried to blot out the notion of her being the cause for all her heartache. {Jesus, Erin, it wasn't your fault. It was Randy's. Randy's. Not your fault.} But it was a lie. She knew that she was just as much responsible as Randy was for the accident. She closed her eyes and felt hot tears slipping from her eyes. 

She eventually stopped crying and sighed deeply. Erin stared up at the ceiling fan as it went around and around. The sound of the lawnmower droning on in the background slowly lulled her back to sleep. Sleeping was such a wonderful thing. When Erin slept, she would dream. And when she would dream, she could dance. And when she could dance, she felt that James was nearby. 

Erin felt someone jostling her shoulder, "Come on girl. Time to get up." Merle Durant and his chipper, 'Isn't it a beautiful day the Lord made' attitude shook his daughter's shoulder again. "Erin, you've got to get up, baby. We'll be late."

Erin shook her head. "Daddy, please, it's only ten o'clock. We don't have to be there until noon. Let me go back to sleep."

"Erin," Merle crossed his arms, "Get up. Now, Erin. I thought we could leave early. Maybe get a late breakfast or early lunch. But I'm not going to put up with this sorry attitude of yours like your Mama does. Get up now, young lady."

"Dad, I'm not fourteen." Erin threw the pillow over her face.

"Then act like it. Here, your mother got these out of the dryer for you. Get dressed." He tossed the clothes on top of the pillow and left the room.

Erin sat up and stared at them. {Jesus Christ. I can't believe my mommy is picking out my clothes for me.} She pulled her top off and slid her father's University of Michigan sweat shirt over her head. And with a little doing she was able to shimmy into her shorts, by herself. Something she'd mastered nearly two weeks earlier. She stared at the beveled mirror across from her. {Where did 'she' go? Where did that girl I used to be, go?} 

With that she looked down at her feet and tried to imagine satiny pink pointes back on them. But it was too painful for her to even try and think of it. {Fuck! I hate this.}

Merle returned to the room to help his daughter into her wheelchair. "I got it Dad." She jerked away from his helpful arms. 

With a long sigh, Merle calmly said, "See, you're getting along much more independently now. You know, I'll bet you'll be up and around in no time Erin." 

{Fucking optimist} "Yeah, right Dad." Optimism was something that had been in short supply for Erin recently. Although, last night as she lay in bed thinking about how tired she was because she'd done something with her leg, she had felt a tad bit of hope. But 'hope' wasn't good enough...not yet.

As her father drove to the Grayson Center, Erin leaned her head against the tinted window and tried to focus on something...anything other than the fact that she was probably never going to walk. Something pleasant and inviting. Something calm, warm, and welcoming. And then, out of nowhere, the image of William Fitzpatrick popped into her head. {What the fuck? Damn, Erin, are you crazy? Goddamn him and the 'Grayson Center.'} She looked out over the lake they were crossing and tried to push his image out of her head.

But she couldn't do it. Something about him had touched her. He was kind and gentle, but demanded that she work. And his hands. When they made their way up her thighs and got close to her, she felt a rush of electricity all through out her body. 

But the one thing that stuck out the most in her mind was his blue/green eyes. God, those eyes. They reminded her of the inviting waters of the Caribbean. But there was something more. Erin could feel her face grow flush from thinking about him and it frightened her. {Stop it, Erin.} However, for the next ten minutes all Erin could think of was William, his voice, his hands, and his eyes. 




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 04



....................

******

....................Vicki stepped out of Trey Martin's office, adjusted her collar and glanced down at her engagement ring. {Victoria, what are you doing? You're being crazy.} She looked at the clock on the wall and shook her head. {Damn it! I'm going to be late.} As she passed by one of the windows she took a quick look at her reflection. {Everything in place.} She walked into the PT lobby nearly ten minutes after her appointment with Erin Durant was supposed to have started. {Maybe she's late.}

But Erin was sitting there flipping absentmindedly at a magazine. {Shit!} Vicki put on her 'glad to meet you face' "Hello, you must be Erin Durant." She extended her hand toward Erin and spoke quickly, "My name is Vicki Bardole. I'm going to be your PT for that arm of yours." She watched as Erin rolled her eyes. 

Vicki tried to ignore Erin's barefaced rudeness. {Great, she's going to be a bitch, I just know it.} She smiled once more and bent down a bit, leaning toward Erin, "You know Erin; I think you met my fiancée, William yesterday, right?" She stared at Erin with her eyes opened wide and a syrupy smile on her face.

Erin sighed, or rather, huffed. {That's right he said his fiancée was going to work with me, too. Fucking wonderful.} "Oh, yes, that's right. Could you stop hovering? And you know, I'm not five years old, you don't need to be so cheery." 

Merle shot his daughter a disappointed look and then smiled at Vicki, "I'm sorry, Erin seems to have forgotten how to be pleasant these past few months." Merle took hold of Vicki's hand and smiled, "I'm Merle Durant, Erin's dad. Nice to meet you, Vicki." 

Vicki smiled warmly at the older gentleman and then looked down at Erin. In turn, Erin looked at her watch and dryly asked, "Running late, Vicki?"

Vicki looked at Merle once more and then back down at Erin, "Oh, I just...I was...um...I was just finishing up with a patient. She smiled broadly, too broadly for Erin's liking. "Well, let's go on back to the workout room and get started. See you in an hour and a half, Mr. Durant." She pushed Erin's wheelchair through the heavy double doors.

Erin had to endure the same type of 'touch' test William had given her, only this one was focused on her arm. When she finished taking some notes, Vicki sat down at a table in front of Erin, "We're going to need to get that arm stronger so when we get you up on the bars to walk, you'll have enough muscle to help hold you up." She handed Erin a small pink 'dumbbell' weight. "Let's work on those biceps and triceps."

Erin stared at Vicki, utterly pissed at the 'you're a weakling' tone she was using. She'd never been a weakling...ever. And she'd be damned if some bubble-headed bleached-blonde physical therapist was going to talk to her like that. "Look...Vicki," she said dryly, "You know 'we're' not the one who is paralyzed, 'I' am. And 'I' already told you, I'm not five years old; so, stop fucking treating me like I am, okay?" 

Erin grabbed the weight, which she figured must have come from the same factory that made Barbie dolls, and lifted it up and down. {This is so fucking stupid. Christ, just leave me alone.} "Besides, Vicki," Erin said with an utterly callus tone, "I don't think I'll be walking any time soon. So needing to 'bulk up' my arms for something that might not happen for..." she thought about how long she might be trapped in that chair, "for....Good God, is this really necessary?"

Vicki sighed. {Shit, maybe I could ask Trey to switch me. No, wait. I'm not going to let some sour ass bitch get the better of me.} "Erin, you know, with that kind of attitude you're only going to make it more difficult on yourself." Vicki smirked, and then added, "You know, here at the Grayson Center we hope you'll heal not only your body but also your mind and soul."

{Is she fucking serious?} "Right, yeah, sure." Erin rolled her eyes, "Why don't 'we' just stick to 'my' arm, alright?" She said sarcastically and continued to lift the little pink 'Barbie' weight with a smile that tried to say 'this is so stupid', even though her arm was really hurting. It'd been a long time since Erin had 'worked' her arms. Every now and again she'd stare at the clock, praying for the minute hand to go faster.

About forty minutes into their session, Vicki's cell phone went off. She looked at the name on the display and she politely turned herself away from Erin. "Hey, baby. Where are you? ......Bed? ..... Jesus, William, it's almost one o'clock. Your shift starts in an hour. You've gotta take a shower and everything." 

Erin rolled her eyes as Vicki talked. For some very odd reason Erin suddenly felt either very pissed with or very jealous of Vicki Bardole. She told herself it was because of Vicki's stupid pink weights and even more inane 'recovery is physical AND mental' crap. But she knew she was lying. 

What was it that had made her feel so uptight? Erin didn't want to admit it, but knowing that Vicki was talking to William with her 'lovey dovey' voice is really what put her on edge. It made her want to throw up. {Christ, Durant, people probably felt that way about you and James. Don't be a fucking idiot. You don't even know the guy.} 

Vicki giggled, glanced quickly at Erin then tried to lower her voice to where she thought Erin couldn't hear., "I mean it! .... Oh, of course I'm sorry about last night. I was just...so tired. Me? Oh, I'm here with that new patient, Erin." She shot Erin a broad grin filled with what Erin knew to be love soaked joy, "William? Hey, baby, are you there?" Erin watched as Vicki stared into some unseen vast nothingness for a second, "William?" She closed the thin cell phone, "Hmm, must have been disconnected."

She turned back to Erin. "Now, where were we?" 

Erin rolled her eyes and honestly tried to keep her mouth shut but an overwhelming urge to hurt Vicki's feelings overtook her. Why? She wasn't sure. Maybe it was because she hated the fact that Vicki was so fucking perky and had everything. Maybe it was because she looked at Vicki and realized she would never have the happiness she'd once had. Either way, she wanted to make someone feel as horrible as she was feeling. "You know, you ought to keep your personal calls personal. I don't really care to hear about what you did or didn't do last night."

Vick just stared at Erin, somewhat flabbergasted. "I...sorry...I didn't mean...I mean, I usually don't take calls but it was my fiancée"

"Yes, I gathered that much. Unless you're sleeping with more than one man." Erin grinned when she saw a look of shock cross her therapist's face. Vicki didn't say a word she just stared at Erin. {Change the subject, Erin.} "Christ, why in the hell do I have to have two therapists anyway?"

Vicki's quietly responded as she wrote down a few things on Erin's chart. "Well, arms are my specialty. William has a thing for legs, you know." She laughed, thinking that Erin knew that William was an amputee. But when she got no reaction from her little quip she added, "William deals mainly with legs. Who knows, maybe one day we'll open our own rehab center. I've got arms, he's got legs!"

Erin tried to smile but couldn't seem to get her facial muscles to work like she knew they should. "Well, isn't that special." {Great, just great...he's going to marry fucking Barbie with her fucking pink weights. Christ, he's probably just as fucking 'happy' as this dip-shit is.} "Are we done yet?"

"No, we just have..." Vicki started but was stopped when Erin dropped the weight on the table.

"That wasn't really a question...Vicki. I'm done. You took ten minutes of my time...now, I'm going to leave early. Just showing you the same courtesy you showed me." Erin turned her wheelchair and rolled it to the 'door open' plate on the wall. "I'm leaving now."

Vicki couldn't believe it. {God Almighty, she's a bitch.} Erin hardly waited for the doors to open before she wheeled herself out of the room. Vicki didn't really know what to do. She looked down at the chart and then shook her head. "Bye. See you on Wednesday."

"Right...yeah." Erin disappeared through the opening.

....................

******

....................William sat straight up when Vicki mentioned Erin's name and dropped the phone into the blankets. {That's right, we're tag teaming again.} The woman with the angelic face, silky smooth skin and amazing golden eyes was sitting right beside his fiancée. He felt his heart race. {This is stupid. For Christ's sake Fitzpatrick, get a hold of yourself. HAHAHA...get a hold of myself, that's the problem. Fuck it, that girl is so damn good looking.} He searched through the thick blankets trying to retrieve the phone only to find that Vicki had hung up before he was able to get to it. William shook his head, "Stop it, William...just stop it." The sound of his voice startled him.

William took a fast, cool shower that hovered amazingly close to a cold shower. {Last thing I need now is to get worked up again.} He dressed quickly and set out towards the Grayson Center. He stared out at the city as he drove and watched it rise in the horizon like some huge behemoth from the depths of the deepest darkest ocean. A quick look up at the early afternoon sky told him a storm was brewing. He looked up into the darkening sky and suddenly felt very small and...insignificant. 

It wasn't like William to be melancholy especially in matters of love or lust or whatever it was that he was trying to sort out in his mind. {Must be the weather} At a stop light, he looked and noticed the blue marathon course line painted on the road. {Just a few weeks. I can't wait.} 

As he pulled his Jeep into the parking lot he chanced to see Erin Durant coming out the front doors with a man pushing her chair. {Gotta be her Dad. Gotta be.} He sat there in his space watching them, intrigued. He stared at them as the pair came to a sleek, silver Mercedes and he watched as Erin's father gently lifted his daughter and placed her inside the car. William was awed at the sight of Erin's devoted father handling his daughter as though she were some piece of fine porcelain. 

But Erin was the one he really wanted to see. He held his breath as he watched her father fold the chair and put it in the trunk. William stared, waiting, hoping to see her face just once before they drove off. {Goddamn, fucking turn around so I can see you.} 

And, as though she heard his silent plea, Erin turned and stared out the window. William lost his her and tell her not to worry. {Christ, that's it, Fitzy, you feel sorry for her. That's all. Thank breath at the sight of her. {Goddamn, if she's not an angel, I don't know who is.} But then it struck him how very sad she looked. {Alone.} Once again, he had had an intense urge to hug God.} 

William felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of him when he came to what he felt to be a plausible reason for his feelings and he smiled thinking that now he wouldn't have to deal with the issue anymore. If he could just tell himself over and over that he was only interested in Erin Durant because he felt sorry for her, maybe deep inside his heart, he'd really believe it. 

She was sad. He knew she was sad. She was lonely. He knew she was lonely. She felt defeated. And he knew how it felt to 'feel' defeated. He stared up into the dark, angry looking sky and silently prayed, "Please, she's gotta walk again. Please."

He stepped out of the car and stared down at the unseen 'leg' that lay underneath his slacks. Thoughts of his own long personal battle with the specter of doubt filled his mind as he made his way to the front door of the ornate entrance to the Grayson Center. William pondered those negative thoughts for a minute, maybe two before the last remnant of the sun slipped behind the clouds and the sky opened up just as he was making his way inside. "Jesus H. Christ!" 

William wiped the water from his arms. Vicki came up behind him and said, "Good grief, you're soaked."

"No shit, Dick Tracy...tell me something I don't know." William had meant for his words to sound funny, but he knew they sounded harsh from the look on Vicki's face. "Sorry, honey."

Vicki kissed him and said, "It's okay. Let's get you a shirt. There are some in the closet." 

They walked into the storage closet and hunted for a dry t-shirt. "Got one." Vicki yelled. "Come here, baby."

William grinned, "Baby? So I'm Baby now?" He leaned and kissed Vicki softly on the lips, "And tell me, Vicki, are you going to be my mommy?"

"Damn William." Vicki looked up at him, stunned. "Can't you just turn it off?"

"No." William took Vicki's arm and pulled her close to him. "I can't. Damn it, Vicki. Do you know how badly I want you?" 

Vicki could feel the hot bulge in his pants as he spoke to her. "God, William. You're crazy." She gently pushed him away. "This isn't really the right place. I mean, damn, we're in the storage closet. Anyone could walk in."

"Who?" William knew that no one ever went in that closet. Hell, this was only the third time he'd been in there and he'd worked at the center for almost two years. "Come on, Vicki. You said you were sorry about last night. So, why don't you show me how sorry you." He pulled her close to him and slipped his tongue between her lips. She seemed to quiver under his touch, but not the 'oh, yes, let's fuck right here, right now kind of quiver.' It was a 'please, let's not do this' type of reaction. He let her go, "What is wrong with you?"

She could hear confusion in William's voice. Vicki looked around and shook her head, "Nothing's wrong with me. Nothing really, William. I'm just...well, I guess I'm in a bad mood that's all." {Bad mood? Shit, Victoria, you seriously fucked up. God, what am I going to do?} She looked up into his beautiful eyes and felt a lump in her throat, "I mean, that last case, she was a doozy. I've never seen anyone so pessimistic. It was like pulling teeth just to get her to learn the exercises."

{Last case? She's talking about Erin. Just don't ask about her. That's all William...just don't ask.} "What're you talking about or rather, who? Do you mean Erin Durant?" {Some fucking good will power, Will!}

"Yeah, she's the one. Forgot her last name. Jesus, baby, she's got it in her head that she'll never walk. It felt like she was really saying, 'why live'. I hate cases like that."

He nodded his head in agreement, even though he'd not really heard what she said. All William could do was think about the sad, alone look on Erin's face as she left the parking lot just ten minutes earlier. And Vicki's words simply helped to reiterate the intense desire to hug Erin even more. But he knew that he wouldn't want to stop at hugging her. Erin Durant needed someone to love her. 

William felt a strange pang, an almost stabbing sensation deep in his chest. The thought of 'loving' Erin drove him crazy. And having Vicki there, so close to him and needing to feel the touch of a woman was suddenly overwhelming. "Come here." He grabbed Vicki and pulled her so closely against him, there was no way she could mistake what he wanted from her.

Vicki inhaled sharply as she felt William's hand grasp her arm. "William, wait, stop." But he wasn't listening to her. She felt William's hands tug at the clasp of her shorts. Before she had a chance to argue with him, he'd unfastened her pants and they fell to the floor, revealing her small pink thong. 

He spun Vicki around so that her back rested against his rain soaked shirt and slipped his hands between her legs. William wanted her, but he knew she wasn't ready. However, he knew how to remedy that and quite quickly, too. He slid his fingers between the soft folds of skin that sheltered the spot he claimed as his and gently started to move them back and forth against her, feeling her grow hotter, wetter, and more in need with each stroke.

In about a minute, William could feel Vicki relaxing beneath his touch. Whatever it was, whatever it really was that had Vicki so uptight, seemed to melt beneath his fingers. Vicki fell into his chest and let him explore her further. It was something he knew she loved; something that put him in total control of her. And that was what he loved.

William slipped two fingers in and out of her and stroked her engorged clitoris with his thumb in a teasing manner. Pleasing her, then retreating, pleasing her and then pulling away. Vicki's hips started to instinctively rock against him and by default allowed the gentle dip of her ass to ride up and down on William's cock. He grew so hard it was painful for him inside his slacks. He whispered in her ear as he stroked her more intently, "Do you want more, Vicki?"

She spoke not a word, but rather let out a soft, breathy moan. Vicki brought her arm up and wrapped it around William's neck then arched her back against him. She rested her head against his chest and let him have his way with her. It felt so good she wanted to cry, but she knew she had to be quiet. And William knew exactly how to touch her. Exactly how to make her want him even more. Exactly how to make her want to scream.

William took his free hand, slipped it up her shirt and slid it across her breast. A surge of pure lust traveled through him as he felt her nipples harden through the layer of lacy material she wore. She was ready and he couldn't deny how hungry he was and how badly he needed her...or was it simply the feeling of being in a woman? {Stop thinking, William. Stop.} 

It's strange the thoughts that flood the mind when one is on the brink of doing of something so intense as coming together in a union as sacred as they were about to partake in. Like the flood gates of the consciousness open and for a very brief second, there is a clarity unlike any other known to man. And then just as quickly as the gates open, they slam shut leaving us swimming in a lake of pure emotion and need.

William double checked that the door was closed, it wouldn't be wise to get caught. {Always thinking, William. Why in God's name are you always thinking?} After all, would he really have stopped if the door weren't completely closed? No. Vicki was there, ready, wanting and his for the taking.

He turned her and looked at the picture-perfect face before him. He felt her grab his belt and expertly loosen it. And when her fingers wrapped around him, William almost fell over. Her hands were cool and he was so hot. William wasn't even sure if it was he who slid Vicki's thong down or if she'd done it.

The next thing he knew, he was inside her, feeling her warmth all around him. William was very aware of her right leg as it rode up his left leg to settle on his thigh allowing her hips to move more freely with his. It was wonderful. But when William looked down at her face, expecting to see the lust that had overtaken him reflected in her eyes, he was a bit shocked that her eyes were closed.

But it was not simply because they were closed. People close their eyes all the time when they are engaged in something so passionate, but it was the intense, serious look that she wore. For an instant he felt like she was willing herself to enjoy what they were doing. {Jesus, William, you're seeing pink elephants where there are none.} 

He stared down at Vicki as he pounded into her wondering what could be troubling her. But as her movements became more fervent, the seriousness that had laid itself upon her face disappeared. She had come to the point where all thought, rational and irrational, are purged from the mind and are replaced by a hunger that can only be satisfied through the joy of an orgasm. Yes, Vicki was just as hungry as William and he was more than willing to ease the hunger that consumed the both of them. {See, fucking chill, Will. Chill.}

He slid his hands down her back, took hold of her hips and lifted her leg just a tad more, steadying her. William held her that way and thrust himself into her with great vigor. He was the jack-hammer and she was the sidewalk. He felt her starting to clench around him and looked to see her biting her lip to stay quiet.




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 04



William kissed her with such force he could practically feel her moans traveling down his throat. She tasted good. Like cinnamon. 

Vicki couldn't hold on a second longer and when she let go she felt the rush of adrenaline that always accompanied her orgasms. Her heart raced and her breathing became more frantic. 

William felt the same thing. The rush, the surge, the much sought after wave of bliss finally washed over him, too. He rode it all the way to the shore and when he set foot back on the beach of reality, he shivered. Partially from the satisfying tingle that always followed a good orgasm and partially from the blast of cold air that came pouring out of the vent directly above them.

Vicki rested her head on his still damp shirt and slowly felt her breathing return to normal. She listened to William's heart beating. It raced and he was breathing like he would after a good run. She loved him and he had no idea just how torn she was feeling him hold her in blissful ignorance all the while knowing full-well what she had done. {Shit, Victoria. Shit. You fucked up. Christ, what have you done?} 

She started to cry and William lifted her chin, "What's wrong, Baby?"

Vicki shook her head, if she told him what she'd done, it would be over. She knew it. It would kill him. There was no way to tell him that she and Trey had slept together not once...not even twice, but multiple times during their week long training trip. Why did she do it?

It left her feeling somewhat hollow and filled with regret. How could she? Why did she? The first time, she chalked it up to getting plastered at the 'meet-n-greet' reception. Trey was there, he wanted her and she wanted sex. Not love, just sex. But being drunk wasn't an excuse she could use the second time. No.

When Vicki closed her eyes, she saw it happening again and again and wished she'd stopped him...only it was too late. She could see him walking with her to her suite and she invited him in. She did it. He didn't force her. It wasn't his idea. Trey was ready to walk away. But she held onto his arm and kissed him with the same passion she reserved for William. That was the second time. Then things just roller coastered out of control. 

Vicki didn't love Trey, no, far from it. But he did something for her. She thought he completed a part of her she was afraid she was missing out on. It tore her up to think of what would happen if William found out. She knew she would have to tell him...one day, maybe...but not today. "Nothing. I just missed you, William. That's all. I missed you."

William kissed Vicki on the forehead and wiped an errant hair from her brow. "I missed you, too, Vicki." William pulled out of her and slyly looked around, "Miss Bardole, you've really got to keep your hands to yourself. Honestly...what would people think if they knew what you were doing to me here in this closet?" He grinned and held Vicki close to him. 

Leave it to William to take their tender moment and make it a funny moment. Vicki sighed, "What 'I' was doing to you? Oh, that's a good one, babe." Vicki slipped back into her clothes and tugged at her shirt, trying to 'hide' what they'd done. 

William, on the other hand, simply peeled off his wet shirt and put on a dry Grayson Center 'Walk-a thon' T-shirt. He felt very good. Very good, indeed. William stuck his head out of the closet and looked for 'wandering eyes'. "All clear." When he and Vicki stepped out of the closet they looked at one another as though they'd just completed some covert assignment and were satisfied with the results. 

As they turned and headed down the hallway, Trey Martin happened to step out of his office. He smiled the happy couple, "Hello William. Vicki." Trey continued down the hall and turned, "Oh, Vicki, if you don't mind...could you come by my office in about an hour? I'd like to talk to you about some equipment I'm thinking of ordering and need your input."

Vicki froze for a second and looked up at William with an 'honestly, that man is going to drive me insane' look. "Yes, Trey. Sure...one hour...alright." {Damn, Vicki, you've gotta put an end to this.}

William wasn't sure but he thought that her voice sounded strained. {Jesus, if I had just spent a week with an uptight asshole like Trey Martin, I'd probably be a bit frazzled myself.} He rolled his eyes as he and Vicki made their way to the PT waiting room.

{He doesn't have a clue. Thank God.} Vicki happened to glance up as they walked into the large room and looked at the abstract painting of an angel hovering over a PT specialist working with a patient. She always liked that painting. Vicki wasn't exactly a 'religious' girl by any stretch of the imagination, but that picture always calmed her. However, today when she looked at it, it seemed like the angelic figure was looking straight through her. 

William grinned as he walked. {That's what I needed. All I needed.} He grabbed the charts for the late afternoon session. {Put her out of your mind. Vicki's back.} At least William felt like things in his life were getting back to normal. In a few weeks, they'd be getting married, he'd be running in the marathon. Everything was back on track.

....................

******

....................Erin was shocked at how badly her arm hurt the next morning. {Fucking Barbie weights.} She strained to pull her sweatshirt over her head. "Damn it." It took a little 'mind over matter' to force herself to push through the sore muscles, but she did it. {At least it's something.} 

What was that? A tiny bit of optimism? No...it couldn't be. Not from Erin. She 'pooh-poohed' the mere thought of feeling 'good', deciding, rather, to just be her typical pissed off self. Something she'd become very good at over the past few months. {Just get today over with.}

And try as she might, Erin's mother couldn't coax so much as a tiny grin from her daughter as they made their way to the Grayson Center. Needless to say, when Chaselyn slammed on the brakes she wasn't sure who was more shocked...Erin or herself. "ENOUGH!" Her voice resounded loudly.

Erin jumped at her mother's tone. The last time she heard it was when she was eleven or was it twelve...that time when she and Karen had decided to paint their bedroom walls with flowers made from nail polish. "Damn, Mama, what's with you?"

"You! I am so fucking tired of your attitude." Chaselyn Durant barely ever cursed. And to her, saying 'fuck' in any shape, form, or fashion was never done. But she'd had all she could take of Erin. Didn't Erin realize how hurt she was, too? Her baby girl was struggling and there was nothing she could do except drive her to therapy everyday. 

Erin didn't say a word. Instead she stared down at her fingers praying for her mother to hurry up and pull into the parking lot. The next fifteen minutes were silent...unsettlingly silent. Erin saw the large marble entrance to the center. {Thank God.}

Chaselyn stepped out of the car and left the keys in the ignition. She lifted the wheelchair from the holder on the back of her car and helped Erin in. "There you go. I'll be back in an hour and a half."

"What?" Erin stared at her mother as she climbed back into the car. "You're leaving?"

"Yes, Erin, you're a big girl. Act like it." Chaselyn slammed her door and took off, leaving Erin alone in her wheelchair in the middle of the parking lot. "What the hell?" She looked around. No one was there to help her. {Damn it!} She rolled across the lot and then pushed herself up the inclined walkway. {Jesus, fucking easy access ramp, my ass.} She could hear her mother's voice in the back of her mind, 'see, not so easy to do it without a little help, is it?' 

By the time she made it to the large glass doors and felt the blast of cool air when they slid open, Erin was ready to call it a day. {I'll be goddamned if I'm going to do any more today.} And when William practically ran into her as he was rounding the corner, Erin sighed deeply. {Great. I look like crap and here's Mr. OOOH, Let's Go Workout!} She looked around. {Christ, I fucking hope little Miss Perky-Ass isn't here, too.}

William felt an odd warm feeling wash over him when he saw Erin stopped there in the main lobby. A feeling typically reserved for Vicki. "Hello Erin. Here alone today?" His voice was strangely calm. 

"Christ." Erin wasn't at all shocked at how she sounded. Cold, like usual. Would she ever stop feeling so empty? Would she ever be happy just to 'be'? She looked over both her shoulders and sarcastically replied, "What? Can't you see my posse? Of course, I'm alone. I'm not totally useless." Erin looked up into William's eyes and suddenly wished her mother was with her. 

William could hear the sadness behind her angry tone and smiled inwardly. He started to take hold of the hand-grips and backed away when Erin snapped at him, "I can fucking do it. I made it in here didn't I?" 

Once they were in the PT workout room, William opened up her chart. "How're the legs today? Sore?"

Erin rolled her eyes, "No." Liar. 

William shook his head, "You don't have to act like I'm the enemy, Erin. I'm here to help you." He had no idea how badly Erin wanted to get up and run away. The thought of being forever like she was at that exact moment terrified her. It was a feeling she just couldn't shake. William sighed, "Fine. Whatever, Erin. Let's get to work."

Work...that was an understatement. For the half hour, Erin forced herself to lift her right leg and then her left. Her right...then her left. Over and over. After about thirty minutes, she was sweating like she used to sweat after a full-out dance session. 

"Good job, Erin." William handed her a bottle of water. "Now, let's see what you're really made of." He handed her a towel, "Dry your hands. I'm going to stand you up."

Erin's jaw dropped, "You're not fucking serious are you? I barely lifted the ankle weights, there's no way in Hell I can stand up."

William stood in front of her and held out his hands, "Come on, Erin. I'm not asking you to walk a mile...just stand...that's all. Have a little faith in yourself." He saw the look of disbelief on her face, "Fine, have some faith in me. I've got enough for the both of us."

She glanced at the little crucifix William wore around his neck. {What is it with the fucking 'have faith' shit?} Erin was fuming and she wasn't about to budge. "I'm going to fall."

"Fall on me."

{He cannot fucking be serious.} Erin narrowed her eyes and took his hands.

"See, your hands didn't turn to dust or anything." William slowly and carefully lifted Erin. "That's it. Come on."

"I'm not a dog."

William stared at her, "Well, stop acting so bitchy."

"Fuck you." Erin used every bit of her will power to steady herself.

Finally, William knew how to get to her. {Piss her off and she'll do whatever I say, just to prove to me that she can do it.} He grinned. Erin's anger helped her to stand up and she gripped his hands so tightly her fingers were turning white. "Easy there, Erin. That hurts." William tried to wiggle his fingers.

"Good."

{Jesus, you are something else.} And she was. As she stood there before him, regardless of how steady she was, William was taken aback at how tall Erin was. She had a good three to four inches on Vicki. He looked straight into her golden eyes and could practically see her frustration in them. And then, there was that smell of baby powder and roses. 

Erin looked into his eyes, felt his strong hands holding her steady and realized that she wasn't really scared. He was about the same height as James. Maybe an inch shorter, maybe. His lips were so soft. She wondered how it would feel to touch them. And she could smell his cologne. It was a strong scent, but not over powering.

William took one small step backwards. "Move when you're ready."

Erin stared at him. "I can't."

"Yes you can. One step. Just try." William shuffled back a bit more.

"No. I'll fall."

"Yes, you probably will." She stood there like a rock, utterly terrified. "But you'll get back up." He stepped back a little farther. "Come on, Erin...one step."

Erin felt her balance shift and she fell forward into his waiting arms. As she did so, she let out a small yelp. "See! See! I told you I'd fall."

"You stumbled. Try again." Even though she was leaning against his chest, William tried to keep calm. Especially when he saw that she wasn't about to budge. In an attempt to shame her into trying again, he pulled out the 'I'm going to fucking embarrass you card'. "Erin, see that little boy?" He pointed to a kid in a whirlpool. "He's watching you. You gonna give up?"

"Fuck you."

"Maybe later." He couldn't believe he said it. {Shit, Fitzpatrick are you crazy?}

Erin shook her head. {What did he just say?} "Funny." But something about hearing him say, 'maybe later' got to her. Erin tried again. And fell, again. This time outright...on her back. She heard the little boy laugh at her. {Fucking little shit.}  

William leaned forward and held out his hand. Erin saw his crucifix again and wanted to rip it off and ram it down that kid's throat. She refused to let some little boy laugh at her. So she took William's hands and felt him pull her back up. 

She tried again...and fell, again. This happened once, twice, three times. And every time, she'd reach up, take William's hand but not before seeing his necklace dangling down over her. By the fourth time she finally had had enough. William smiled, "Take my hand, Erin. Try again." God, how she hated him. It was obvious to her that it was hopeless. Why couldn't he see it? Why wouldn't he leave her alone? She'd never dance again so why should she care if she could walk?

"NO! I will not! I'm tired and sore. Now help me up." Erin covered her face with her hands. She wanted to cry. "This isn't so fucking easy you know. You can walk...I can't. Leave me alone. You don't understand." That was it. She couldn't contain the tears any longer and she started to cry. To sob, was a more just word for it, actually. "You don't get it."

William's heart sank a little when he saw how upset she'd gotten. {Too far, Fitzy...too far.} He sighed and shook his head. "Erin. I get it. Trust me." He lifted his right pant leg and revealed his prosthetic leg. "Trust me, I get it more that you can even imagine." 

Erin was stunned. {No way. No.} Stupefied was more like it. But she wasn't about to let him know that. She sniffled and wiped her eyes, "Am I supposed to be shocked and amazed? Huh? Do you want me to go, 'Oooh, if William can do it, so can I'?" 

William didn't say a word. Seeing her get upset was not what he wanted. He only wanted her to know that he really did understand. He knew she was baiting him, trying to get him pissed at her. The way he saw it was that he believed Erin figured her callus remark would make him so mad that he'd throw his hands up in frustration and leave her alone. Instead, he simply let her lay there on the ground as he went and got her wheelchair. 

"Stick and stones, Erin...sticks and stones." He extended his hand once more to her and waited patiently for her to take it. When she finally accepted his helping hand, he picked her up and considered putting her in her chair; but feeling her rest against his chest just felt so nice. William forwent her wheelchair and carried her to one of the tables. "You know, Erin, we've still got about twenty minutes left. What's say we work out those muscles?"

As he sat her down on the table she sighed and sniffled once more, "Are you serious? I just worked them out." 

"Not 'workout' Erin...work them out. Massage them." 

Erin felt stupid, "Oh." Who could really blame her? She was exhausted, truly exhausted. All she wanted to do was sleep, and not because she was mad at anyone or scared of anything. She was just so tired. 

She laid back and considered the past hour of her life. First she'd been abandoned in the parking lot by her mother...the woman who was supposed to be there for her whenever she needed her. Then she'd been subjugated to an intense therapy session. To make matters worse, a little boy laughed at her. Oh, and there was the crying. She hated to cry. It was a sign of weakness in her eyes. She could hear her dance teacher screaming at her in her from the back mind. 'Dancers don't cry, Erin. Dancer's let it out on stage.' 

But worst of all the feelings she'd experienced had to be loathing William for making her cry and then loathing him more for making her feel about as tall as a worm. Erin closed her eyes and tried to find a sense of calm to help her.

William, on the other hand, stared at the beautiful young woman who lay there on the table before him and felt anything but a desire to 'calm' himself. Her skin was so pale and her hair was so shiny, he wanted to touch it to see if it was hair or spun silk. He gently placed his hot hands on her cool thigh and felt Erin jump a little.

Erin immediately focused her attention on his hands. By comparison, his hands were bigger than James's hands. And when he started to gently knead her tired legs she let herself fall into the calm that she'd been desperately trying to find. He slid his hands down her thigh to her knee and massaged her calf muscle. The look on her face let him know that she most definitely could feel his touch.

William continued to massage her right leg and then moved to her left. His heart started to race. He felt hot, like the air conditioner needed to be lowered. "Can you feel that, Erin?"

She nodded slowly.

"Good." He worked his way up her leg, past her knee and to her left thigh. Without realizing it, William's tender massaging motion had slowed down such that he was more or less caressing her skin as opposed to 'working' the muscle. The expression on her face looked so pleasant. He was swept away in the softness that come across her. 

The more he stared at her, the more of her he wanted to touch. He slid his hand up a bit higher on her thigh and wanted to touch more of her. If William had let go of his worries about 'pushing the envelope' with Erin he would have simply slid his hand up her shirt, across her belly and up to her breasts. 

But he couldn't do that. No. Instead he slid his hand up her thigh even further. Testing to see how far he could go. He saw Erin's face grow flush as he neared the inside of her inner thigh. And then she opened her eyes, those gorgeous golden eyes. He heard someone gasp and was shocked when he realized it was he who'd made the noise. He quickly pulled his hand away.

Erin sat up on her elbows and whispered, "You don't have to stop." The farther up her thigh he went, the hotter Erin became. One thing was for sure, everything from her mid-thigh up was working and very sensitive. It had been a long time since she'd felt a man's hands on her, and even if it was just her legs, it was quite nice. 

William stared at her and was stunned when he realized what she had just said. He wanted to make sure he wasn't hearing what he wanted to hear which was basically, 'It's okay William touch me' as opposed to, 'It's a nice massage, keep up the good work.' He carefully eased his hand up farther on her thigh, just touching the edge of her shorts. {Goddamn, William, you can't do this.} Without thinking another moment, William slid his hand up her loose fitting shorts and gently massaged the area closest to the center of her being. "Erin, I shouldn't be doing this." 

Erin's throat was dry but she was able to quietly say, "It's alright. Really." 

That was all William needed to hear. He slid his fingers beneath her little bikini panties. {Lacy, oh my God.} And then felt what he knew must have been a very neatly groomed tuft of hair. {Can't walk but keeps herself in check. My God.} He stared into her eyes and could feel the lusty fire they radiated as he slowly, tenderly slipped his fingers into the hot wetness of her. His knees, the real one and the artificial one, felt as though they would give way. {This is crazy.}




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 04



Erin's heart started to race even faster when she felt his fingers sneak their way up under her panties. {Erin, you can't do this. Remember, he's the asshole. He'd not James.} But when she felt his fingers graze her engorged clitoris, she didn't really mind that he wasn't James. It just felt so good to...feel. She gazed into William's eyes and tried to catch her breath.

William felt himself growing hard as he touched her, especially when he watched her lie back and close her eyes. {Damn} He could hear that little voice in the back of his head calling out to him to STOP! But reckless desire chided him and screamed for him to 'Do it. Make her climax right here. You know you want to.' 

The expression on Erin's face was priceless. Her lips had parted ever so slightly and he could feel every breath she took for they came in tandem to his relentless toying of her. She wanted to yell out and tell him how good it felt, but she wasn't stupid. This was wrong. He'd get fired if anyone saw what he was doing. And then there was his fiancée. What would happen if she found out? As his actions grew more intense Erin thought she was going to lose it. She bit down on her lower lip so hard, she was sure she was going to draw blood.

William knew she was close. He'd seen that lost in bliss look before on the faces of several women and he wanted her come under his touch. But was it because he was ridiculously attracted to her or was it because he wanted her to remember what it meant to be a woman? Either way, the softness of her features drove him insane. 

As he brought her closer and closer, he looked down on her face and watched nearly six months of pain and sadness slowly melt away. Melt away because of him. That knowledge made him want to rip off her clothes and fuck her like there was no tomorrow. But no. This was for Erin. He would deal with himself later...when Vicki came home. He could do it. Yes. 

In her heightened sense of awareness, Erin suddenly worried if this was all some elaborate trick William had dreamed up to 'help her recover.' But no, the look in his eyes told her that he wanted much more than just to touch her, to dip his fingers into her, to make her come to his actions. {Stop thinking. Stop. God, God, yes. That is so good.}

William could feel her muscles start to twitch and contract around his fingers and watched as Erin desperately tried to keep from screaming out as she worked to keep her hips from moving frantically. He knew it would be any second now. William slipped another finger inside her and leaned forward, "It's okay Erin. You need to let yourself enjoy it."

"God, yes." Erin was able to say...and that was about it. She inhaled sharply and felt herself falling into bliss. "Yes, yes, yes." 

{Look at her. God, she's amazing.} William wanted to shout out to the five other people in the huge room, 'Go away. I want to fuck her.' But he remained focused on pleasuring her. 

Finally, after what seemed to be the longest, most intense ten minutes of her life, Erin relaxed enough to let herself go. She didn't care who saw them or heard them or anything. It felt entirely too good. But she kept herself under as much control as she could muster. She had to do something to keep herself from crying out. So, she reached out and grabbed William's free arm and squeezed it so hard she knew he was going to have a bruise. But she didn't care. "God, yes. Oh, yes."

When William felt her let go of her inhibitions and he wanted to make it last as long as possible. He had to stop...he knew he did. This was wrong. But something about it just felt very right. He stood there with his fingers inside of her thinking. {Always thinking. Christ, Fitzy, just fucking enjoy it.} 

And he would have loved to 'just enjoy it' but, there were too many things running through his head. He pulled away from her and started to speak but could not find his voice at first. Erin opened her eyes and smiled at him and left him stunned. {Holy Mary, she is so fucking beautiful} Then, after clearing his throat, William calmly said, "It's time to go, Erin." 

Erin sat up and felt William lift her from the table. In the fifteen to twenty steps it took to get her back to her wheelchair, Erin's mind raced. {What just happened? Christ I know what just happened. God, what is going on with me?}

William held her long, thin body close to him and savored the closeness of her. As he set her in the chair she gently, softly kissed his cheek and whispered, "Thank you." And all he could do in return was smile and nod. 

When Erin and William went out to the lobby, Merle Durant was there to pick her up. "Hey, Daddy." 

Merle smiled and kissed his daughter's forehead. "Your mama's pretty upset with herself. I don't know what happened, but it was enough for her to ask Pastor Jones over." He looked at Erin and saw her sedate expression and then he glanced at William and saw the face of a man deep in thought. About what, however, he had not one iota of a clue, but he knew William was rapt in contemplation. "Good session?"

Erin smiled softly, "Yes, Daddy. It was." Merle nodded at William and led Erin out of the Grayson Center. 

As the automatic double doors closed, William felt desperate for a release. Touching Erin had gotten him so wound up. He really needed Vicki. Yes, he could have gone to the restroom, locked the door and let go the tension that had grown...but he wanted to feel flesh against his flesh, breathing with his breaths, moans with his moans. He wanted Erin. But he knew he'd have to settle for Vicki. {Settle? No, William, wrong word.} But try as he might...he simply couldn't come up with any term at that fit how he felt at that very moment. 

{Settle? Oh, God, will I have to 'settle' for the rest of my life?} An image of him standing beside Vicki at their fiftieth wedding anniversary popped into his head. {It's your nerves. The wedding's only five weeks away. Calm down.}

....................

******

....................Merle prattled on about something that Erin had not one shred of interest in as he drove home. It started to rain. Again. Erin watched the huge drops of water slam onto the windshield. The rain always made her feel better. It was like the water washed away all her worries even if not one drop actually touched her skin. 

If only she could find something to 'want' she was certain she'd feel better. She wanted to walk, to dance. There was nothing she wanted more in the world than to feel the music surge through her feet and spin around the dance floor. Erin thought about how bitchy and all out rude she had been to Vicki the other day. {It's not her fault she's in love, Erin. You were in love once, too.}

She also thought about how it felt to be touched, intimately touched. It felt good. And surprisingly, it didn't tear at her heart to realize that she could 'feel' even though James was not with her. And what William had done to her...for her was so uplifting for spirit. {I'm not dead. I'm not.} But she was scared that it was a fluke. Maybe it wasn't as real as she thought it was. 

She watched the sun peek through the thick cloud cover and felt a wave of something fill her. What was it? Fear? No. Anger? No. Could it be...was it possible...was it optimism? {James would be so pissed with how you been acting Erin. It has got to stop. You're going to go crazy if you don't.} 

But how would she do it? For nearly half a year she'd lived with so much pain and anger. It wasn't going to be easy. {No one ever said life was easy, Durant.} Erin looked out onto the horizon and saw a rainbow. {No, fucking way.} She looked up at the ceiling of her father's car, as if she were looking straight up into heaven. {Okay, you know I don't need 'cute' and 'sentimental' signs and portents God.} A streak of lightning filled the air. {That's better.} She laughed.

"What's that, Sweetheart?" Merle turned to his daughter and spied the grin on her face.

"Nothing, Daddy...thinking, just thinking. That's all."



Crucifix: Longing Ch. 05



Dear Reader. Finally...Chapter 5...and it only took me 6 weeks to write it! The pressures of 'daily life' have a nasty way of keeping one away from things like writing! I hope you enjoy. Please let me know. (Oh, and for those of you who read Chapter 4 and came across a very odd paragraph...you're not crazy...it wasn't supposed to be there! I thought I'd deleted it; but, alas, I didn't it. And for that crazy error...please accept my humble apology!)

Chapter 5. Physical therapy for the mind as well as the body.

William had to get out of the Grayson Center, and soon. Soon, as in...if he didn't leave as quickly as possible he thought he would scream. And when he was done with his last patient, Tiffany Little, a woman who's moniker didn't fit her physical stature, he was out the door as quickly as he could get his car keys out of his desk. 

He drove to the park and donned his 'running leg' and then William ran. It felt so good to run, even if it was ten times slower than he ever ran before the accident. True, he moved with and odd gait due to the hydraulic, man-made joint at his knee but didn't care. He was running and that's all that mattered. 

And dear God, did he ever need to run. The memory of touching Erin, of feeling her let herself go in response to his gentle torture had made him almost wish he'd not done it. The thought of her was driving him crazy. In his mind's eye he envisioned getting lost in that beautiful body of hers. The mental picture alone made him want to pull out her file, get her address and go to her. But he knew he couldn't do that. No. {You're fucking crazy, Fitzpatrick. You gotta stop thinking about her.}

He ran faster and tried to come to grips with his emotions. He was getting married in a month. The marathon was coming up in three weeks. And then there was Erin. William tried with all his might to will himself to stop thinking of how soft Erin felt. And how blissful she looked as he touched her. And how much he had wanted to climb on top of her and make her his own. 

No...those were all things he had to stop thinking of. After all, William wasn't stupid. He couldn't jeopardize his future with Vicki over some crush. And that was all that it was, right?

William's side started to hurt as he ran. Pain. Somehow he thrived on the awful burning at his side. It reminded him that he was alive. {Jesus Christ that fucking hurts.} His head was screaming at him to slow down, but he knew he had to keep going. {Run through it, William. Run it out.} Eventually the pain would melt. Eventually.

{Shit! That fucking hurts.} His whole left side felt like it was cramping. But, he persevered. By the time the pain finally faded away William was so tired he wanted to fall down on the ground and catch his breath. 

Then...the "high" kicked in. That awesome warm rush runners feel when they cross over the invisible threshold between pain and personal triumph. It felt so good. As he felt the endorphins course through his body giving him that natural high, a broad smile crossed William's face. 

Slowly the sensation faded leaving William riding on the edge of all the emotions he'd been feeling for the past few days. Was it the wedding? Was he getting the proverbial 'cold feet'? Or was it just Vicki? She'd been acting so peculiar this past week. Then, well, there was always the Erin issue.

Somehow, it always came back to her. {Christ, Fitzpatrick, you've got to talk to her and tell her... Fuck, what are you going to tell her? Huh? Gonna say, 'hey, sorry for finger fucking you the other day. You think we could just forget it happened?} He stopped running, leaned forward and stared at his feet. William could feel the sweat dripping down his face and watched it slowly roll down and off his nose. {Damn it. What have you done?} He stood upright and stared at the path ahead of him. {Shit!}

William, his hands on his hips and breathing like he always did after a good run, made his way back to his Jeep. Along the path, he noticed a little boy staring at his leg and grinned. The one thing that he'd been so paranoid about as a teenager, people staring at him...or rather his leg, was now something he was used to. He waved and said, "Pretty cool huh?"

The boy smiled and nodded, "Can you really run with that thing?"

"Yes, I can." With that he dashed away from the boy, still grinning. {God, William, you're such a fucking show off}.

He climbed into his Jeep and set off toward home. As he drove, he thought of Vicki. She was a beautiful woman and he loved her. There was no doubt about that. But the feelings he had for Erin confused him. William dwelled on the whole 'thing' as he made his way home. He stared down at this hand and recalled the glistening wetness that had covered his fingers just a few hours earlier. 

William remembered how effortlessly his broad fingers had slipped into Erin and the look of sheer wanton desire on her face as he dipped deeper and deeper into her. He could still see the soft open 'O' her mouth made as he brought her to the edge. 

And then he recalled how badly he wanted to kiss her. To simply feel her lips against his. {Holy shit, you're fucking crazy Fitzpatrick} But crazy or not, he also thought about how seriously he'd wanted to put his fingers to his lips to get a taste of Erin. But no...he'd denied himself. And now he regretted it. {Damn.}

He pulled into the garage and sat in his Jeep, thinking. Vicki opened the door and called out to him, "Hey, baby. Good run?"

William looked up and saw Vicki carrying a bottle of wine and wearing very tight t-shirt that rode high on her flat belly and a very tiny pink thong. He looked at her and suddenly remembered one of the reasons why he'd fallen in love with Vicki. She was so comfortable with her body. It made him want to take her right there in the garage. In fact, the thought of her back resting on the cool smooth cement made him so hot, he felt his face grow flush.

He didn't even care if crabby old Mr. Springs got a peek at them. Hell, it would probably do the sour puss some good. {Damn. She looks so good.} William watched as she sauntered over towards him. As she stepped closer he could easily make out the luscious pink that were her areolas and, what was even better, he could have sworn he saw her nipples hardening as she got closer. {She wants it. Yes. Yes.} William knew in that brief instant that all the tension, all the frustration he'd been dealing with for nearly four hours now, would soon have an outlet. 

Vicki smiled at seeing him becoming so obviously flustered. But she had no idea just how very much he needed her. Not wanted. No. Needed. He needed to feel his shaft plunge deep inside her. Needed to feel her muscles contract around his cock. Needed to taste her lips on his and smell the fragrant conditioner she used on her thick hair.

And even though she had no idea how badly he really wanted her to give herself to him, Vicki knew he wanted her. Yes, she knew that look. She'd seen it plenty of times before, although, maybe this evening it looked a bit more intense. And that meant she'd feel very good, very soon. 

What was unknown to William was that he was, for her, exactly what she needed. And for Vicki, just as with William, 'needed' was the right term. Her mind and heart were tied in a knot so large and complicated she wasn't sure she'd be able to ever untie it. But she knew that with William's touch, his lips and his strong hands she'd be able to let go of some of the confusion she, herself, was trying to deal with. 

Yes, she loved William, with all her heart and soul. On that point, there was no confusion in Vicki's mind. But she couldn't deny that there was something missing. She thought that maybe should could 'find' it...whatever it was...in Trey's arms, or rather, his bed. But no. And now...now she felt like she was trapped. Trapped between the man she thought she knew she wanted and the man who was willing to give her things she thought she needed.

There she was, caught between a love for William which she couldn't deny and an attraction for Trey which she wished she could forget. Yes, Trey was something, or rather someone, who offered her a chance at fun with no strings attached and those invisible 'strings' seemed to be choking the life out of her.

But right then and there...as she stood in front of William and put the glass of wine to her lips, Vicki only wanted the man she loved...not the man she'd recently come to enjoy. She took a small sip of the wine and kissed William.

He carefully parted his lips and tasted the sweet Chianti rush through his mouth as Vicki's tongue, heavy with the intense red flavor, wrestled with his. {Damn, she tastes so good.} William wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. He could feel her nipples pressing into his chest and it made him desperate to feel one on his tongue. 

William pulled away from Vicki and took the glass and bottle from her hands which he carefully set on the cement garage floor. He slid his hands up her shirt and ran his thumbs over her nipples. The feeling against the sensitive portion of his thumbs made him weak in his knees. "Christ, baby, you are too good." He pulled the top up and over Vicki's head and looked down at her beautiful, perfect chest. 

He wasn't sure what he wanted to do more: suck on those beautiful nipples or just push her up against the wall and fuck her until she screamed for him to stop. His needy cock begged for him to take her. {Do it William. She wants you to. Go on do it.} But his rational mind pleaded with him to stop. {Wait William. Resolve one issue at a time. Don't let sex cloud your judgment.} Lucky for him his cock won the argument.

William took Vicki's hand and went inside the kitchen. She'd barely pulled the door closed behind them before he was kissing her all over. Her neck, ears, breasts. He wanted her so badly he ached. He felt her hands on his shorts tugging at them. 

Vicki needed to feel him. To let her fingers touch him...and not to compare him to Trey or anything as crass as that; but rather, to remind her that he was the one she really wanted. Remind her of what she believed to be true, that William was the only one who could really satisfy her. As she pulled his running shorts down and took hold of him she was a bit shocked at how hard he was for her. 

She felt a bit light headed. Maybe it was the Chianti or maybe it was just the intensity of her desire but she thought for sure that she was floating. And when William pushed her up against the side of the refrigerator, the sound of falling magnets and the feel of the cold metal against her hot skin made her gasp.

William felt the tiny magnets fall at his feet but he didn't care. And when Vicki wrapped her legs around him all he wanted to do was fall into her. He knew that with all that had gone on today, what he'd felt with Erin and what he was feeling right then with Vicki he probably wouldn't be able to hold out for long. And he didn't want to. He just wanted in her. William simply wanted to return to that place that was his. That one place where he felt safe and totally sure of what he was doing and how he felt.

He slipped into her and watched as Vicki's eyes closed in rapture. And then something happened. When William looked at her, her eyes closed, her mouth slightly opened he remembered something. And it was barely a wisp of a memory. 

It was the image of Erin, with her eyes closed and her body reacting to his touch, that danced across his mind. {No, no. Not now, William.} He closed his own eyes and tried to force the hint of a memory to go away. But he couldn't. 

As he moved in Vicki, his bride-to-be, he couldn't shake away the one thing he was trying to escape, that intense attraction for a woman he barely knew. And he couldn't believe how good the mental torment he was undergoing made him feel. He could hear Vicki's moaning and felt her muscles contracting around him, but with his eyes closed he could see the soft, lonely, sad face of Erin Durant and it made him want to cry...because it felt too good.

He wanted to open his eyes, he really did. But something inside him told him to keep them shut. Told him to hold on to the image of the woman he really wanted to be inside of at that moment. He felt so ashamed of himself but the satisfaction outweighed his guilt. The release he'd been praying to happen for the past few hours was so close. He didn't want to ruin it with feelings of guilt so he did what all guilty people do...he refused to acknowledge it any further. It was building and he didn't want it to stop.

Vicki's inner demons toyed with her. William, no doubt, was the man she loved and by God, was he ever a good lover. She held her breath as could feel the massive refrigerator shake with each powerful stroke William set in to her. He really was amazing. And to think of all the things he'd overcome to become the man he was right now. The man who loved her unconditionally. The man who she prayed would never find out what she'd done. The man she was going to marry whether she wanted to or not. {Shit. What are you doing Vicki? You've got to tell him. No. No, you can't do that. It'd kill him. No. Tell Trey it's over. That's it. It's over. Tell him thanks, but you can't do it any more. That's it, tell him that. Tell Trey tomorrow.} 

She wanted to listen to her heart. But other parts of her body were in control and their voices were much louder than her conscience. Vicki fought to keep her sanity in check and her mouth shut. She was terrified that she'd call out Trey's name. And that fear only added to the thrill of it all. Her hips started to rock into William's. She knew she was close and it was magnificent. 

Vicki felt her toes and finger tips start to tingle first. That's how it always started. And then like a bolt of lightning, she felt the powerfully overwhelming sensation that made her cry out, YES! And then, as though her body had become possessed by some unseen succubae, she felt herself come with such force that she thought for sure William would fall over in the wake of it all.

But he didn't. William had wrapped his arm around her waist and pushed Vicki down onto him with such force he halfway worried that he'd hurt her when she screamed. But he'd heard that scream before. That was a scream of rapture and it was like music to his ears. The image of Erin faded...but so, too, did any thought of Vicki. Amazing.

For in that brief instant, all conscious thought flies away from a person and is superceded by a pure, unadulterated need for carnal fulfillment. And in that moment...that long blissful moment, William didn't have to think of anyone or anything. He simply let himself forget who he was and why he'd been so rapt in contemplation. Yes, pure bliss. And when he came, he heard Vicki cry out again and again, "Yes, William, yes. God, yes."

And, as the intense feeling of gratification waned between the two of them, William felt a rush of cold air. One quick look and he saw the culprit...he and Vicki had been so 'into' the moment, that the door to the freezer had opened and frosty air spilled from the opening. He looked at Vicki, smiled and slammed the door shut. "Good thing we didn't go much longer. All your fudge ripple ice cream might have melted."

Vicki laughed and rested her head on his shoulder. "Can't have that. No, no! Not my fudge ripple!" She felt the skin on her back pull away from the refrigerator and then felt William pull away from her. A powerful chill rattled Vicki's body as her feet came set upon the cool, oak hardwood floor. 

William kissed the top of her head, grinned and started to say, "You and your icecr..." but was stopped by the ringing of the telephone. He glanced at the Caller ID display. 'Mom-n-Dad' shown on the screen. {Great.} He knew Vicki was about to be sucked into a long conversation about the wedding, a conversation that he didn't want to be a part of. 

Vicki smiled at him and grabbed a jacket from the coat rack. Three rings and the answering machine picked up, "Victoria, I know you're there. It's after six. Come on, pick up the phone." There was a pause. "Victoria, I'm just going to call you back. Now, come on, pick up the phone. Your Aunt Ruth called and..." Vicki grabbed the phone and listened to her mother go on and on about how dear Aunt Ruth was refusing to come to the wedding if Uncle Isaac was coming, too. 

Vicki rolled her eyes and shooed William away. A motion he gladly jumped on. {Thank God.} William stepped back into his shorts and waved at her...that 'better you than me' sort of wave. 

The golden light that dripped down the walls of their condo told him that the sun was making its descent into the slowly approaching night. Another day was coming to an end. Another day closer to the end of the rest of his life. As he made his way down the long hallway he chanced to look to his left and saw Vicki's wedding dress hanging up in the guest bedroom. A quick look beside it and he saw his tuxedo resting on a hanger next to the ornate gown. He turned and looked back at his bride to be. Soon, they'd be all 'official'. An unexpected shiver ran down his spine. {Nerves, that's all.}

*** 

Sleep eluded Erin once again. Only tonight, as she stared up at the slowly turning fan blades, Erin's mind wasn't filled with dread and gloom. No. Ever since William had laid his hands on her this afternoon, something deep within her seemed to be trying to find its way from behind the dark veil that had been draped over her for what, to her, seemed like an eternity. 

She lay there recalling how it felt to be touched. Recalling how it felt to feel. She could still sense his hands on her, touching her, causing that pleasantly familiar warm sensation to wash over her. And even though Erin didn't want to admit it at first, it had felt so very good. And no matter how she tried to deny the overwhelming effect it had on her both physically and emotionally, Erin knew William had helped her. 

William, that annoying ass who had chided and cajoled her into working that first day. That ass who had told her he didn't care how mad she got at him. That ass who refused to just let her give up. William Fitzpatrick, that ass who had reminded her that she wouldn't fall apart if she felt good, if she felt human, if she felt like a woman again.

The fan blades continued their sluggish journey around the delicately etched light covering above her. Erin felt her eyes grow heavy as she watched them cut through the silvery moonlight that shone through the giant picture window behind her. Every now and again the room lit up for a moment. 

A storm was headed her way. And there was nothing like a summer storm in Atlanta. The hypnotic lure of the fan blades and the occasional flash of light beckoned her to close her eyes, to fall asleep, to dream. And, within minutes of allowing her brain to stop thinking and racing, Erin was soon in a deep, restful sleep.

*** 

William looked at the bedside clock and took another deep breath. {Eleven thirty, fucking wonderful.} He had lain in bed and stared at the dancing shadows on the wall across from him for nearly forty-five minutes. When Vicki had finally finished yet another ridiculously long conversation with his soon to be mother, it was well past eight o'clock. Sesame chicken, egg rolls and fortune cookies filled their bellies along with the rest of that wonderful wine. And by the time all was said and done, William was utterly worn out.

The mental marathon he'd run, the 5 miles he'd physically run, and the sexual relay he and Vicki had taken part in had taken a toll on his body. All he wanted to do was sleep. But he found it almost impossible to stop thinking. {Gotta go to sleep, Fitzy. Just close your eyes.} However, closing his eyes and actually going to sleep were two entirely different things. But he knew, if he just closed his eyes, he'd be one step closer to sleeping. So he glanced one last time at Vicki, her back was to him, and then closed his eyes to the day.




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 05



Vicki was wide awake. She'd been staring at her engagement ring since she kissed William goodnight and turned off her light. She felt like there was a heavy weight resting on her chest and feared that if she closed her eyes, it just might crush her. {Irrational, Vicki. God, you're so fucking stupid. You're getting married in twenty seven days and you're acting like a fucking idiot.} 

She felt hot tears collect on her pillow. No matter how she looked at it, there was no way to deny what a terrible thing she'd done. Trey. {Shit.} Once was a mistake. Twice was stupidity. Three...four times, that was outright immoral. And it really was all her fault. 

Yes. Her fault...not Trey's. Vicki could hear William's breathing start to become more regular and a rush of memories filled her weary mind. She remembered how the first time she and Trey had 'all out' sex was while they were away at the convention. But more than that, Vicki couldn't help but recall what had happened prior to that trip. She remembered how it all started...that day......

*** .......Trey sat beside Vicki in the staff meeting and couldn't help but notice how beautiful Vicki's breasts were in the low cut shirt she wore. As the Accounting Director spouted off a list of numbers Trey stared at the hollow created by her softly tanned breasts. 

Vicki looked at him and saw him. She knew he had a thing for her and she didn't do anything to stop it. Why? Because it made her feel good. If there was one thing that Vicki craved more than anything, it was attention from men. Even when she was younger, she loved to see men drool over her. So much so that she often dated men much older than her. 

Some people might have thought she was a bit promiscuous as a teenager, but not Vicki. She knew what she liked and went after it. And she liked older men. But when she found William, he was just a couple years older and he was everything she thought she needed.

That intense desire to have men fawn over her seemed to vanish when they became a couple. But after she and William got engaged, that odd need slowly crept back into her life. And now, Trey, a man a good ten to fifteen years older than her was right beside her and she knew he wanted her. Vicki nonchalantly shifted in her seat so that he could see a bit more of her breasts. 

When the meeting was over and everyone started to leave and head out for lunch, Trey stayed behind. When asked if he was going to go out to do the 'usual' he replied, "No, not today. Not really feeling like Mexican. I'll just grab something here." Trey laid his head down on the cool table and tried to think of things other than fucking Vicki. 

Vicki walked back into the conference room and stood next to him. She looked down and smiled. For an instant she almost said 'Trey, I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression...' but she didn't. Instead, the wanton side locked Vicki's rational voice away and then coaxed her to say, "Would you like to touch them, Trey?" She almost couldn't believe what she'd said. {What in the hell are you doing, Vicki?}

Trey sat up and said quietly, "Vicki, you can't be serious." He looked at her like she was crazy.

"Why not?" Vicki started to unbutton her shirt. "Oh, come on. You've been dying to see them. So why not?"

"Because you're getting married in...what...six weeks." Though he spoke the words, it was apparent that Trey didn't want her to stop taking off her shirt. 

"Yeah, yeah. But I'm not married yet. And besides, what harm can a little peek do?" Vicki winked at him. Her bra was a front clasping one and she expertly undid the slide hook in one swift motion. Her breasts, those beautiful, perfectly round breasts of hers, were free. "Go on...I know you want to."

Trey was sweating. He was torn between doing what was right and giving in to his desires. "Vicki, I can't. I'm your boss. I can't."

"Don't worry Trey, I'm not trying to trick you or anything" She took his hand, it was shaking, and put it to her breast. She heard Trey inhale deeply and sigh as he ran his finger across her nipple. "How's that?"

"Oh, God, Vicki." Trey reached up with his other hand and took hold of her. "God, you're beautiful." 

Vicki leaned down and kissed him. As soon as she did it, she knew it was wrong. But it felt so good. His tongue was smooth and wrapped around hers so easily. She wanted more of his kiss so she straddled him and sat on his lap. 

Trey slid his hands up the back of her shirt and felt her smooth skin. Trey kissed her deeper, "We shouldn't..." he slid one hand down between her legs, "be doing..." he rubbed her though her jeans, "this, Vicki." 

Vicki didn't care. His hand felt so good and his kiss was so passionate. Not that William's kisses weren't passionate, too. But this kiss was different, it was dangerous. She pulled away from him and put her finger to her lips, "Shhh..."

And then, just like a cat slinking off a couch, Vicki slid down between Trey's legs and looked up at him. She grinned and unzipped his pants, "It's lunch time, Trey." Vicki could see the top of his swollen cock-head and grinned. She tugged on the front of his silk boxers and seductively licked her lips. 

Trey looked down at her. "What are y....." But before he could get the words out, Vicki had him in her mouth. She sucked on him and licked him. Trey could barely contain himself. 

And for Vicki, the thrill of it all was so intoxicating. But she knew that whatever she did...she couldn't have 'sex' with him. This was all for the fun and thrill of it. That's what she wanted anyway...fun and thrills. She heard Trey start of moan. He was desperate to keep quite. Anyone could have been in the office. Someone could have heard. And the idea of knowing that made Vicki suck harder on him. 

Trey grabbed the edge of the chair and dug his fingers in. "God, Vicki. Please don't stop." He was so close and he wanted it so badly. He took one hand from the chair and put it on her head. He ever so gently pushed her head down further on him. "Please, please, please don't stop."

Vicki loved the idea of him begging her to go on...so she did. She fucked him with that beautiful mouth of hers like she was devouring the most succulent lollipop in the world. She felt his other hand come to rest on her head. He was ready and Vicki wanted it, too. 

As he sat there letting her feast upon him, he felt the joyful pressure building deep with in his cock and he wanted to release it. She was going at him like a starved baby on a bottle. Her actions screamed out, 'feed me, feed me.' And he wasn't about to deny her. He felt his hips starting to thrust up towards her. He could feel the tip of his cock hit the back of her throat. Finally, thankfully, he was able to let it out.

He had to grind his teeth together to keep from screaming out because it felt so good. He pumped her mouth and throat with everything he had. It was so good. He felt amazing. 

And Vicki loved every bit of it. Not just the action of the blow job, which she really did enjoy. But the thrill of wondering if someone would see them. The thrill of knowing she was being so bad. And...the dread...yes, the dread, of knowing that soon she'd be married and lose the 'right' to play. She feared that marriage would do that to her. But the little voice that had been silenced by her need to be desired finally found its way out of the darkened corner of her mind. {What are you doing? You're going to ruin it all. Stop. Stop.}

Vicki stood up and wiped the corner of her lips. "There you go, Trey. I hope you liked it." She started to button her shirt as more of her sanity returned. "You know, this was a one time thing. Right?"

Trey sat there, his cock resting out in the open air, and stared up at her. It took him a moment to find his voice. And when he did, it was weak, "Yea...uh, yes. Yes." He adjusted himself, zipped his pants back up and watched Vicki leave the room as calmly as she'd entered it. He laid his head back down on the table once again. Only it wasn't in frustration...rather it was sheer exhaustion. 

And that was how 'it' all started. That one day. That one reckless, stupid day. Goddamn that day. Goddamn how guilty she felt. Goddamn it all.

She listened to William's breathing. He was asleep now. More tears dripped down onto her pillow.

She'd tell Trey tomorrow. Yes, that's it. She'd call him tomorrow and tell him that it was over. {You've got to, Vicki...you've got to. Besides it's really nothing but a wild fling. One last hoorah before you get married.} She heard the wind blow the tree limbs against the condo. {Great, it's going to rain again.} The room lit up. Another storm was coming. {Great, that's just fucking great. I've got my final fitting tomorrow.} 

She watched the room light up once more and saw what she thought was the shadowed figure of a withered old woman against the wall. A quick reality check and she saw that it was really just a clump of tree limbs silhouetted against the wall thanks to the lightning. {Okay, I'll tell him on Monday. No need to ruin both our weekends.} She listened as the rain started to pound on the windows. {Yes, Monday.} Vicki fell asleep.

*** 

Monday arrived like all Mondays arrive...too soon. And for the first time in nearly seven months, Erin had been unhappy to see the weekend depart. The storm that pelted the area on Friday had cajoled thousands of flowers to come into full bloom on Saturday. And by Sunday, her mother's garden was alive with butterflies and bees and various other insects. 

As she watched her mother toil over what to do about the aphids that were slowly destroying her prize winning roses, Erin remembered what it was like when she was a little girl. She glanced over at the play set her father had built for Karen and her when they were younger and smiled knowing that her dad would be busy later in the afternoon putting a new coat of honey-tinted wood stain on it so that Karen's little ones could enjoy it just like they did when they were little.

Erin remembered standing on the edge of that play set and jumping full force for the rope that hung in the giant oak tree and then hearing her mother screaming at her, "Young lady, you'd best not do that again! You're liable to fall and break your neck and then where would you be, huh? Tell me that young lady. Where would you be?" Erin stared down at her sandaled feet and shook her head. {Right here, Mama. I'm right here.}

She could have let herself fall into despair right then and there. But she chose not to. Especially since Karen and Randy had arrived with their kids. {No, Erin, you can't let them see you down anymore.} Debra and Kyle were so adorable and they couldn't really understand why Aunt Erin was so sad. 

And even though Erin had given her niece the cold shoulder, Debra, six years old, acted as if Erin was going to get up at any moment and do a 'pas de deux' for her. Debra was such a good girl and as Erin watched her run around the backyard, she clung to the tiny shred of hope that maybe one day she would not only be able to walk but that she maybe she'd have kids, too.

Randy walked over to Erin and stared down at her. Erin glanced at Karen and could tell from the look on her face that she and Randy had been 'having words' as her mother put it. Which was actually a polite way of saying that they'd had some kind of argument. That, along with the tension that lay between Erin and Randy now, rested heavy on her. Every time Erin looked at Randy she couldn't help but remember the look in his eyes as they reflected in the rearview mirror while she and James were making love.

The thought of those eyes and her blatant sexual toying with Randy always made the next image so much more painful. Those lights. Those bright lights coming straight for her. Then that last look at James before the impact. It made her sick. But she had to get over it. She had to or it would eat away at her forever. 

Erin squinted as she looked up toward her brother, "Hello, Randy." 

He held a cocktail glass in one hand, bourbon most likely, and nodded. "Hey." 

Erin shifted in her seat, "How's everything?"

"Fine." He nodded again and the laughed, "Well, no, not really. Your insurance is suing me." Erin's jaw dropped. He stared at her. "What? You didn't know? Lyn and Merle didn't tell you?" 

"No, I...I had no idea. Why?" 

Randy downed his drink in one huge gulp, "Cause it's 'my' fault, Erin. I thought you knew that. All of this. You, James, that fucking asshole on the motorcycle. All of it. My fault...alone." He ran his hands through his hair and stared at Erin a bit harder. 

"I'm sorry, I really didn't know." Erin suddenly felt very small with Randy staring down at her. "Really."

"Yeah, yeah." He started to walk away but was stopped by Karen. 

She looked at Erin and smiled politely, "Did Randy tell you the news?" 

{Why in the hell does she sound so fucking pleased? My insurance company is suing them.} "News?"

Karen's lackluster smile grew instantly broad, "I'm pregnant! Isn't it wonderful?" She kissed Randy on the cheek and stared at her little sister waiting for a reply.

"That's...that's great, Karen." Erin looked from her sister to Randy and then back again. He did not seem to genuinely share the joy that Karen so obviously felt. "I'm happy for you, really." 

Karen took the empty glass from Randy and scolded him, "You know that you're not supposed to be drinking." She turned to Erin and said, "If he were to get pulled over with so much as a whiff of liquor on his breath, our insurance company would drop us like a hot potato!" 

Erin shook her head, "Oh, God, Karen...I'm so sorry about all that. Randy just told me."

"There's no need to be sorry. That's what we pay those big ass premiums for. But to be on the safe side, we've decided to not give the insurance company ANY reason whatsoever to even have so much as a whisper of a reason that they can use to drop us." Karen was so chipper. Hormones. Amazing things. Erin sighed. {Well, she could be a tart bitch like she was with Kyle}

Erin started to tell her sister and Randy that they didn't really have to worry. That she was sure this would all be resolved soon, but Chaselyn called out to Karen, "Sweetie, come look at what Deb's doing." Karen kissed Randy and Erin both before dashing away.

And there they were again, alone...and Erin felt so odd. "I'm happy for the both of you."

Randy knelt down and put his hand on Erin's knee, "Really? You're happy? Is that something 'new' you're trying out? Cause I was sort of getting used to the sour ass bitch that you've been these past few months." 

Erin looked down at Randy's hand and felt an uneasiness come over her. His speech was a bit slurred. Erin's mind rushed to make sense of Randy's dark demeanor. {It's the insurance stuff. He just had more to drink than he should have, that's all.} "Yeah, well, I've decided I'm tired of her. I want to be like I was..." She could smell the bourbon on Randy's breath, "Well, as close as I can be to like I was." 

Randy smiled and pushed his hand up Erin's thigh a bit more and gently squeezed, "Good. I like the old Erin." He leaned very close to her and whispered in her ear, "I like her a lot." 

Erin pulled away from him as her hand curtly pushed his hand off of her leg. "Randy, I think you've had too much to drink. Maybe you should get some barbeque or something. Daddy's just finished with the ribs, you know." 

Randy smiled at her and laughed, "Yeah, you're right Erin. Maybe I do need a little something to eat." He stood and started to walk away from her, "Oh, and don't worry, Karen's gonna drive home so I think I'll get another drink."

Erin felt a wave of hot dread wash over her. Randy was such a mild mannered man. A man she used to tease, relentlessly so, with her words and deeds. And Erin suddenly wished she could take it all back. All the innuendos. All the glances. All of it. But she knew she'd never be able to take it back. And she knew that the years of her teasing him were coming back to haunt her. {Fuck.} She put her head in her hands and tried to collect herself.

Later, as the family sat around the picnic table eating barbequed spare ribs and roasted corn on the cob, Erin started to feel better. Especially when she looked over and saw Randy holding Karen's hand. {Just the booze...that was all.} Erin felt a weight lift off her shoulders. And then she felt something quite odd. Her knee, rather the area just above her right knee was hot.

And then she felt something she hadn't felt in quite a while. What was that? She glanced down at her knee and saw that the bowl holding the hot, thick tomato based barbeque sauce had been knocked over and the sauce had fallen onto her leg. She reached out to wipe it away and as soon as her fingers touched the sauce she felt them burning. 

She yelled out, "Shit!" and quickly put her finger in her mouth to stop the burning liquid. That's when it dawned on her that the sensation she was feeling on her leg was pain. And it really hurt. "Christ, that's hot! It's burning me!"

Debra jumped up, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Aunt Erin. I didn't mean to. I did it on accident!" Debra looked over at her mother and then back at Erin. She looked absolutely horrified. 

Chaselyn dashed from the end of the table to Erin's side and started to help her get the hot liquid off her leg. As her mother worked to dab up the barbeque sauce, Erin turned to Debra and told her it was okay, that she understood and that it wouldn't hurt too long. Chaselyn stood up and turned to Erin, "You felt that? On your leg, you mean?"

Erin was busy trying to wipe up the sauce that had oozed beneath her leg. She mumbled, "Great! Now I'm gonna be all sticky." She poured her ice water over her leg and dabbed at the edge of her now stained skirt. "Great! Just great!"

"My Lord, Erin." Chaselyn looked as though she was nearly ready to fall over, "Erin, don't you realize what you just said?"

Erin stared at her a moment or two before it dawned on her, "Holy shit. Sorry. But, you're right." And from that moment on, Erin didn't really care how badly stained her skirt was or that she was probably going to have a nasty blister on her leg...because she knew she could feel the pain and that's all that mattered. And it wasn't like when William had stabbed that damn pin in the side of her knee. No, this was much more of a 'broad' sensation. Not a sharp 'ouch' but a pain that spread out and radiated across the surface of Erin's leg. 

She couldn't believe it. But what did it mean? Was this it a fluke? Was it like the doctor's had said... 'Yes, there's still some swelling along the lower spine and there's some damage, but nothing that should be permanent.' And... 'when your body is ready it'll heal itself' 

But she wasn't about to let her hopes soar, not yet. No, not yet. She chose to downplay it, "Mama, good grief. It was fucking hot."

"Erin! Language!" Chaselyn sounded like she was talking to a teenager and quickly corrected herself, "I mean, Erin, remember there are little ones near."

Erin glanced at everyone at Karen, "Sorry."

Karen jumped up and hugged her sister, "No worries, baby sister. None at all." She squeezed Erin so tightly she had a hard time catching her breath. Karen smiled at Randy, "Isn't this just wonderful, Randy? Wonderful!"

Randy took a long swallow from his third glass of liquor, "Yeah, wonderful." 

The topic of conversation at the table shifted from Erin's leg...to the annoying flies that continually harassed them...to Chaselyn's garden. And as she sat there Erin tried to concentrate on the people and the words around her, though she couldn't help but glance down at her leg and wonder if it was all a fluke. {Stop thinking it's always the worst. Remember what William said about pain. About how it tells us that something is getting the signal to the brain.} 




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 05



Now, all she needed to do was to get the reverse to happen. Meaning, get the signal from the brain to her legs. That, she knew, wouldn't be as easy as getting burned. But at least there was that little glimmer and that's really all she could handle at that particular point in time.

*** 

Erin sat in Dr. McFadden's office and stared at her feet. She'd never been to the 'medical' part of the Grayson Center before and for some reason, she felt rather small sitting on the examining table. Dr. McFadden stepped in and nodded toward Erin and her parents. She suddenly had a flash of a memory when she was nine years old and had to get her tonsils removed. It felt just like that, only she was bigger, her parents were older, and this wasn't some little elective surgery that they were discussing.

Dr. McFadden spoke more to Chaselyn than she did to either Erin or Merle. Chaselyn had already started thinking that Erin would be up and running in a matter of weeks. However, to everyone else, the 'burning' sensation was definitely a positive sign but not one to base all their hopes on. As he spoke Erin stared at the wall and thought of all the nights she'd laid in bed praying for a discussion like this one. A discussion that, though it wasn't one hundred percent 'good' was at least a start. After the appointment, Dr. McFadden shook all their respective hands and offered expressions of good luck and better physical progress until their next appointment. 

Erin glanced down at her watch. Eleven fifteen. In forty-five minutes, she'd be in the physical therapy room with William. Her heart started to race at the thought of it. But was it the thought of seeing him? The thought of remembering how he'd made her feel? Or the idea of telling him about what had happened to her over the weekend. No matter, her heart still raced...and it had been quite a while since she'd felt that type of anticipation.

*** 

William pulled in to his parking space at the Grayson Center and sat in his Jeep staring at the beautiful water fountain ahead of him. {What are you going to do? Christ William, you're going to see her again today. What are you going to do?} He rested his head on the steering wheel and prayed for something to help him. But there was no sign. 

However, Edward Lancer, a fellow PT knocked on William's driver side window, "Hey, William, you okay?"

William looked over at Edward and nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired, that's all." William stepped out of the Jeep and walked with Edward into the building. 

"Yeah, I remember what it was like before Lisa and I got married. Jesus, the way she ran around here and there. Oh, and then she'd start talking about this and that...God, I about went nuts!" 

William laughed, "Yeah, I suppose you're right." If only it was that simple. If only he was feeling the stress of the upcoming wedding. But he wasn't. William decided to change the subject. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask, what'd you get out of that conference?"

Edward laughed, "Freebies and food. Some physical therapy guru rambled on and on about shit we'd never actually do!" Edward opened the door to the physical therapy offices. "I'm just glad we didn't have to stay for the entire conference. Three days was enough for me!" 

William laughed and then stopped in his tracks, "Three days?"

"Yeah, why?" Edward grabbed his patient roster.

William shook his head and stared at his own patient roster, "Oh, nothing. Just thinking how nice it would be to get three days away from here." He picked up the roster and nodded a goodbye to Edward. {Three days? But Vicki was gone five days.} William stared across the PT room at the equipment that he needed to set up for his first case, Jenna Myers, knee reconstruction. 

{Three days? What in the hell...why was she gone for five days?} William headed to the PT room and saw Jenna with her two sisters and their Pekinese dog. "You know, animals aren't allowed in here." Jenna looked at her sisters and rolled her eyes. The two girls and their little dog left the room. 

Jenna, a sixteen year old tennis player, flirted mercilessly with William. "You know, you've got such nice hands, William...I like that cologne what is it?...Hey, do you think you could come watch me play after my knee gets better?" To wit, William just smiled and did his job.

It was easy for him to tune out the childish banter from Jenna. Because when he looked at her, he saw a child. And that simply didn't turn him on. He inwardly laughed, {Good thing it's not Paul. He'd have her in that hot tub in no time flat.} A grin crossed his face.

Jenna smiled up at him with her big blue eyes. "So will you come to one of my matches?"

William laughed, "No, Jenna, I can't. Sorry, conflict of interest." That sounded so 'official' and it seemed to work because Jenna looked rather down trodden after he said it. William glanced at the clock. It was almost twelve. It was almost time to see Erin again. He felt his throat grow dry with anticipation.

When he finished up with Jenna and sat down to write down her progress on her chart, William realized that his heart was beating faster than normal. {What is wrong with you? Christ! Okay, that's it. You're going to have to talk to her and tell her that you were out of line the other day. You've gotta, William. Damn.}

William stepped out into the lobby and saw Merle and Chaselyn sitting with Erin. Chaselyn looked like she was going to bounce out of her seat. {What in the world?}

Erin saw him standing in the doorway and tried to keep herself calm. The last thing she needed right now was her mother finding out that she had a 'thing' for William. A 'thing'? Was that what it was? Erin wasn't even sure if it could be classified that way...but something definitely happened to her when she saw him. Good grief, if her mother thought that Erin was showing interest in another person, well, it'd be like the sun and moon coming to rest on the Earth for Chaselyn. And Erin wasn't sure if her mother could handle any more 'positive' news. 

William walked over to the trio and smiled, "Hello, Erin, Mr. Durant...Mrs. Durant."

Chaselyn hopped out of her seat, "Hello William! So good to see you again." She hugged William. And he was taken aback by her action.

Erin sighed, "Mother, please." She looked up at William and shook her head, "Mama's a bit beside herself today." Then Erin laughed.

William was once again stunned. But not by Erin's mother, rather by Erin's sweet laugh. It was so pure and soft and it made his heart race even more than it already had been racing. "She is? What's going on? Did you win the lottery?" 

Chaselyn grinned, "No! Erin burned her leg!"

"Excuse me?" William looked confused.

Chaselyn started spewing forth an explanation that went by so quickly it left everyone's head in a spin. "Erin burned her leg yesterday with sauce and she felt it and it could be a good thing because it was a feeling and we just went to the doctor. But he said not to get too excited, but I don't care what he says, I'm excited and that's that!"

Merle put his hands over his wife's, "What Lyn's saying is that yesterday, Erin got burned on her leg with barbeque sauce and she felt the burn. So when we went to the doctor today, he said that it could be a good thing. Said it could mean that the swelling is down enough now for Erin's nerves to start working right."

William shook his head, "Oh, alright. I get it. Well, that's great, really." He looked into Erin's golden eyes and felt the world around him slip away, "Ready to go for your workout?" Erin nodded. He went to push her wheelchair only to be stopped by Chaselyn.

Chaselyn beamed, "You know, I thought that I'd come today so I can see what you're doing. That way Erin can work on the exercises at home."

William looked from Chaselyn to Erin and then to Merle. He smiled, "Sure, yeah, that sounds like a great idea." {Damn it. How're you gonna talk to her now?} The quartet made their way back to the PT training room and William went through all the steps of being a good PT. 

Merle and Chaselyn paid close attention to everything William said and asked him lots of questions. For a while, Erin felt like she was invisible but on the occasions where William would have to touch her hand or move her leg to position it, Erin knew from the electricity in his touch, that he knew she was there. 

Erin wanted to talk to him. To talk about what had happened. To tell him...thank you. And occasionally she would look up and into his blue-green eyes but she tried not to. Because every time she did she could feel her face grow flush. 

At the end of the session, William, desperate to find a way to get a few moments alone with Erin thought of a way to steal a bit of time to be with her. "You know, Mr. and Mrs. Durant, if you go to the front desk and tell Tabitha that you need to get you a set of exercise bands, she'd be more than happy to find you a set. That way you can work with Erin at home on some of the things we've done today." He knew it would take Tabitha a good ten to fifteen minutes to find the set of bands and another five or possibly ten minutes to fill out the paperwork so they could take them home. Especially since Tabitha wasn't the 'sharpest tool in the shed'. 

The Durants smiled and did exactly as he suggested. And as soon as they were through the double doors William turned to Erin and said, "Can I talk to you?" He glanced around the room and saw Edward working with another patient, "Alone?" Erin nodded. William rolled Erin to the far side of the room and made sure that they couldn't easily be seen. 

Once the two of them were out of earshot and for all intents and purposes 'alone' William stood over Erin and couldn't think of anything to say. 

Erin broke the silence. "William," she was shocked at how odd her voice sounded, "I...I...thank you...for what you did."

William closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Looking down at her, she seemed so soft, so fragile. He pulled a chair up next to her and sat down. "You're...I mean...I shouldn't have...I mean, I just wanted to..." Where was the speech he'd formulated in his mind? Gone. Gone and in its stead, the words of a blithering idiot spilled out from his mouth. 

Erin smiled, "William, I understand. Really." She put her finger to hip lips to quiet him and was shocked at how touching him made her feel. 

William felt her long cool finger rest against his lips and he wanted to cry out. Instead he took her hand in his and put it to his cheek. Her skin was so soft. So pale. He stared into her eyes and found himself lost in their golden fire. 

As though he was being pulled by some unseen puppeteer, William leaned in toward her and the heady scent of baby powder and roses filled his nostrils. Her lips were so close to his. If he just leaned a little closer, he would be able to touch them.

Erin felt his strong hand take hers and she looked into the deep blue green of his eyes. She felt herself falling into them and she didn't care if she drowned. His lips were so close to hers that she could feel his breath on her. 

And then, as if they'd been drawn together by some invisible force, their lips met. William felt the rose petal softness of her lips open under the pressure of his own mouth. Her soft, silky tongue touched his and he closed his eyes to the world around him. Her kiss was so...everything. It consumed him and he didn't want it to stop. He felt her cool hands touch his cheeks and hold him to her. 

If she was a flower, she was a passion flower and he was a bee wanting so badly to get to the core of her. Only he knew the true essence of her lay deeper than where he was. He wanted to take her away, to hold her, to search her until he found the very center of her. But he also knew that how he felt for her wasn't 'right'. He knew that. But it felt so right. 

Erin melted into him. She felt weeks of sadness drip down and away from her like an icicle in the bright afternoon sun. She loved how it felt to feel warm again. And she didn't want it to stop. She opened her mouth more and let him kiss her even deeper. She felt his arms wrap around her and pull her closer to him. Erin knew that it would end soon. And not just 'soon' as in, a few moments from then. She knew he was going to marry Vicki. She knew it, but she didn't want to believe it...not right then. For the next few moments she wanted their lives to be suspended in the nirvana she'd found.

As the kiss ended and they pulled away from one another, not one word was spoken. What would they say? What could they say? This...whatever 'this' was, wasn't permanent and they both knew it. They stared at one another, wondering what to do next. 

But they didn't have to wonder very long, as reality reared its ugly head and the sound of voices, familiar voices, on the other side of the room flooded their ears. Erin sat back in her wheelchair and closed her eyes. William stared at her long, graceful fingers and wished that they were intertwined with his own. Something about all this wasn't very fair. 

To him, he felt like he was being tested by some unseen force. A force that lay in wait for him to falter. To slip and give in to the passion that bubbled just beneath the surface of his skin. William didn't want to do that. He loved Vicki, didn't he? He was going to marry her. He was going to spend the rest of his life with her. 

William stood and cleared his throat. "Erin, maybe..." he didn't want to say it. But he knew he had to, "Maybe you should get a different therapist." He almost choked on the words as they came out of his mouth.

Without so much as a word Erin nodded her head and put her hands down to the wheels of her chair. She felt like someone had taken a sledge hammer to her heart and had beaten her will back down. She rolled away and toward the exit. Erin couldn't blame him. Of that she was certain. She wasn't stupid enough to think that he'd stop his life for her, a girl he barely knew. Someone who was...broken. Especially since Vicki was...well, absolutely perfect.

As the heavy doors slowly opened before her she turned to William and smiled, "It's alright. I understand. Noon wasn't good for me anyway." She wheeled out of the room. And though she felt like crying she didn't let one tear fall from her eyes. No. She'd done all her crying. And she was tired of it. 

Erin spotted her parents at the front desk with Tabitha and took a deep breath. "Hey, you get the bands?"

Chaselyn beamed at her daughter, "Yes. Now we can work everyday to get you up at 'em."

"Yeah, I suppose so." Erin laughed at her mother's enthusiasm.

Tabitha opened up the appointment book. "Next Wednesday at noon, right?"

Chaselyn smiled, "Yes, indeedy!"

Erin held up her hand and said, "No...I'd rather come around eight in the morning." 

Her mother turned to her and looked somewhat shocked, "But honey, I don't think William comes in until eleven or so." She turned to Tabitha, "Right?" Tabitha nodded.

Erin sighed, "So? It's not like William has some kind of mystical powers or something. I'm sure the other therapists are just as good as he is. Besides, I'd just rather get it over with as soon as possible."

Merle saw that Chaselyn was about to protest and he put up his hand. "Now, Lyn, if Erin doesn't want to come at noon, it's alright. Besides, I can think of much better things to do at noon...like get lunch. Are either of you starved, cause I sure am!" 

Erin smiled, "Yeah, Daddy, I am. So, Tabitha, what have you got for Wednesday at eight?"

Tabitha looked, "Well, Louise is here. She's really great, too. She works with the local high schools as a trainer and has some great exercises. Oh, but you'll be here tomorrow at ten for your arm, right?"

"Yes...I will. And I suppose Louise it is." Erin smiled so broadly she thought her face would crack. If there was one thing being on stage had taught her, it was to smile, even if you were in pain. She'd smiled through broken toes and blisters, but smiling to cover a bruised heart somehow seemed so much harder.

As the trio headed toward the ornate lobby, Erin turned back briefly enough to see William standing at the PT room doors, a clip board in his hands. And though she thought it was impossible, she felt her heart break a little bit more. {Stop it, Durant. Stop.}

*** 

William went through the motions of the rest of his day, but he wasn't really 'there'. All he could think of was how he felt. {This is fucking stupid, Fitzpatrick. Whatever 'it' was you felt for Erin Durant is over now. She's gone. Let her go.} He kept telling himself that over and over again. He figured that if he said it enough, it would be true.

Through out the day he couldn't shake the feeling that there was a dark cloud looming over him. And as the four o'clock hour rolled around, William felt utterly exhausted. He simply wanted to go home and rest. He sat at his desk and pulled out his phone to call Vicki. She didn't come in on Mondays and he wanted to make sure she'd be home when he got there. 

He dialed her cell-phone number and waited for it to ring. It was so quiet in the office as he sat there waiting for her to pick up the phone and say hello. And then, William heard something that confused him. He heard the familiar ring of Vicki's phone. "What the hell?" He hung up the phone and sat there for a minute or two. Was it his imagination?

William dialed the number again and waited. He heard the little ringer song and stood up. William looked over his shoulder and it dawned on him that the sound was coming from Trey's office. He went to the door and even though it was slightly ajar, he knocked on it. There was no response. He pushed the door and looked around. No one was in Trey's office.

He went to Trey's desk and dialed Vicki's phone again. He waited and listened for it to ring again. When he heard the ringer go off, he looked over at the small couch to the far left of the room and saw her phone lying on the cushion. William picked it up and looked at it. "Weird." {Probably fell out of her bag or something.} He tucked the slim silver cell-phone into his back pocket and left Trey's office. 

He had not one iota of a reason to think anything other than that it had fallen out of her bag...and why should he? Vicki was, if anything, one of the most honest, trustworthy people he'd ever know. No one could hold a candle to her on that note. Well, no one other than Claudia. But then again, Claudia was altogether a different species of woman in William's eyes. He left Trey's office, making sure to pull the door closed behind him.

*** 

Vicki stared at her hands and waited patiently for Trey to get off the phone. {Gotta tell him. Gotta tell him, now.} Why did she feel so cold? Was she nervous? Why should she be nervous? After all, Trey knew this wasn't something that was going to be long term. Hell, it had lasted longer than either of them thought it would. Maybe it was because she thought she was going to hurt his feelings or something. Yes, that had to be it.

Trey smiled at her as he talked with the Human Resources person about one of the PT's who took four days off for a funeral. He rolled his eyes as if to say, 'assholes...heartless assholes.' When he finally put the telephone receiver back in its cradle, Vicki thought that her heart was going to explode. 

Trey went to the door and checked to make sure it was locked. When he turned to Vicki, a broad, knowing smile crossed his face. "Now, Vicki, what is it that has you looking so...so, concerned?" He sat down beside her and put his hand on her knee.

She whispered, "This." Vicki looked up into his eyes and quietly added, "Us. This has to stop. I can't do this anymore."

Vicki expected Trey to get upset and yell or something. But he didn't. Instead, Trey put his hands on her shoulders and started to gently massage them. "Vicki, what's wrong? Did something happen? Did William find out something?"




Crucifix: Longing Ch. 05



"Did William find out something? Are you serious? If William found out something, I wouldn't be here right now. I don't know where I'd be...but it wouldn't be here." Vicki felt like her throat was tightening up on her. 

Trey slid his hands up and down her arms, "Well, if William isn't the problem...what is?"

Vicki could feel tears growing in her eyes. Why was she so upset? It wasn't like she was in love with Trey or anything. It was just some stupid affair. "Me. I'm the problem. I should never have...God, Trey, this is all my fault. I'm so sorry. I just don't think I can do this anymore."

Trey pulled her close and let her rest her head on his shoulder, "It's okay, Vicki. If you don't want to do this anymore, I understand. Really."

Vicki pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. "What? Are you being serious? It doesn't bother you?"

"I didn't say that." Trey smiled at her, "Of course it bothers me." He wiped a tear off of her cheek, "Vicki, these past few weeks have been wonderful. I can't begin to tell you how you've made me feel. But, I'm not stupid. I wasn't expecting you to run away from William because of me." He laughed, "In fact, if you did, I'd probably be a bit weary of you."

Both he and Vicki laughed at his last statement. "I thought you'd be so upset. I don't want to hurt you, Trey." 

Trey kissed her forehead, "Vicki, baby, I know you'd never hurt me...not on purpose. It's not in your nature." He slid his hand down her back and tenderly massaged the tight muscles at the small of her back. "My God, baby, you're so tense. This has really been worrying you hasn't it?"

Vicki felt his fingers gently kneading the tight muscles of her back and nodded. She rested her head on his chest and let him continue to massage her back. There was something about Trey that made her feel so good. She could hear his heart beating as she sat there. Then, without even thinking, Vicki slid her hand up his chest and could feel each of his muscles. He was so unlike William.

William was chiseled and, for what it was worth, pretty damn perfect save his leg. But Trey wasn't anywhere near perfect. He wasn't nearly as tall as William. Wasn't nearly as ripped as William. Wasn't nearly as athletic as William. But in every other way, he was as good as or better than William. 

Before Vicki realized what she was doing, she'd put her lips to his and started to kiss him. This was not the kiss of a woman who was trying to say goodbye. Her kiss was deep and earnest and begged Trey to ignore her words. Damn. Betrayed by her own lips. What would she do now? 

Vicki had one thing on her mind at that particular moment. And looking into Trey's eyes told her that he was thinking the same thing. Vicki felt Trey tug gently at her shirt and pull it out from beneath the waistband of her skirt. He slid his hands up and expertly pulled the shirt over her head. And Vicki made no attempt to stop him.

In fact, she tugged at his shirt and pulled it off of him just as fluidly as he helped her out of her top. Vicki undid her bra and let it slip down around her wrists. Trey took her breasts in his hands and kissed them. Vicki was lost in the feeling of his lips on her.

As he kissed the soft tender flesh that was before him, Trey let his hand slide down beneath, Vicki's skirt and took hold of her thin cotton bikini underwear. He pulled them down off of her and slid his hand between her legs. He heard her moan softly as he started to play with her. 

Trey gently pushed Vicki back onto the couch and whispered in her ear, "Do you want me to stop, Vicki? Tell me, and I will." Vicki never opened her eyes, never said a word...she just nodded for him to continue.

Trey was beside himself with joy. When Vicki had said she wanted to end their relationship, something inside of him wanted to cry out, NO...but seeing her react the way she was right then and there told him that she didn't really know what she wanted. But he knew he wanted her. He wanted to make her his, permanently. But that wasn't likely to happen. So he was going to take every minute he could with her and enjoy it to the fullest.

He knew it wasn't right to think that way. But he'd been watching Vicki from the first day she'd stepped into the Grayson Center. He'd wanted her so badly and now that he had her, he didn't really want to let her go.

Trey unzipped his trousers and pushed them off his legs. The only thing between them now was the skirt that Vicki wore. He pushed it up and sighed, like he always did when he caught sight of her. He hated the thought that William got to enjoy Vicki the way that he did. In fact, it drove him crazy. But right now...he was the only one around. William wasn't even at work yet. And Vicki was his for the taking.

He wanted to slip down between her legs and partake of her. But he knew that could be very risky. Hell, what he was doing right now was pretty damn risky...but Vicki had a tendency to get rather vocal when he played with her using his mouth and he couldn't risk having her yell out. It could bring the whole office and the security guards, too. {Later, Trey. Later.} 

Instead, Trey wasted no time in sliding between her legs and filling her up with all of him. He could see that Vicki wanted to cry out, so he put his mouth over hers and kissed her so deeply the cry was lost in the depths of his throat. Christ, she felt amazing.

Vicki wrapped her legs around Trey and pulled him as deeply into her as possible. He felt so good inside her. He moved so purposefully. He was so unlike William. {Don't think of him. Don't. Not now Vicki. No.} She let the brief feeling of guilt fly away from her. There would be plenty of time to feel guilty later on, anyway. 

Trey moved in her like a man with purpose. And Vicki felt every single stroke like it was the first and last all rolled into one. It was magnificent. Maybe it was the fear of being found out. Or maybe it was simply that Trey was one fucking good lover. She didn't know. And she didn't really care. 

Trey felt her getting close. He'd learned quickly to tell when her body was ready. He could feel her muscles start to contract around him. She gritted her teeth and her back arched so fully that it actually lifted Trey's body and put him in a position that made him want to cry out in joy. {Jesus, girl, how do you fucking do that?} He couldn't hold on much longer and he didn't want to. He slammed into Vicki as powerfully as he could. It was awesome. He saw lights flicker around him and felt like he was falling down a dark mine shaft. 

Vicki wanted to scream. She was in that place where there is nothing good nor bad. Right nor wrong. It just is. And it is awesome. She knew she'd crash soon and it was the freefall that she was praying for. She inhaled deeply and then it happened. Her body climaxed and she felt herself flooding out and mixing with the flood that was Trey. Was it wrong? Yes. Did she care? Yes. Did she want it to end? No.

*** 

William had no idea that Vicki's phone had fallen out of her skirt pocket as Trey made love to her. And why would he? He stared at her phone and then at his own watch. Five thirty. Only an hour more and he could leave. One more patient and he could put the day behind him.

As he worked with John Tripper, an elderly geriatric patient, he watched the hands on the clock in the PT room move so slowly he could have sworn they were going backwards. He silently prayed for guidance. And did he ever need it. William felt so confused. His heart told him one thing while his head said another. 

His rational side begged for him to let go of the idea of the broken dancer who needed him while his irrational side screamed at him to go after her. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Erin's face and could feel her lips on his. It was like she'd been burned into his soul and he realized that he was craving her. {Jesus, William. What is wrong with you?}

What was happening to him? Why did he kiss her? Why did he suggest that she stop seeing him? Why? 

Finally, the hands of the clock hit six thirty. His day was done. William didn't even finish filling out his end of the day report. He just gathered up his things and left the Grayson Center. It was another hot, sticky night in Atlanta. The smell of a late afternoon storm lingered on the air. 

{Go home.} His mind told him to go home, kiss Vicki, eat dinner, watch a movie and go to bed. But his body told him to go to Erin. To talk to her. To find out what it was about her that was driving him so crazy. He sat in his Jeep and stared at the address he'd written down. Would he listen to his heart? Or would he listen to his head? William turned the key and felt the Jeep grumble to a start. What would he do?