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8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 01

By: inspirixis1



Lindsay was at work when she got the call. The young colt she was working with instinctively fled when the mood suddenly changed. 

She managed to force out the words, "Which hospital?" 

It only took 20 minutes to get there, but it felt like an eternity. Every second her heart thudded more heavily. Every second her throat constricted more tightly. It was an uncomfortably familiar feeling.

She'd never been to Saint Andrew's Memorial Hospital so it took a while to figure out where to go.

"My Dad had a heart attack and they brought him here," she heard herself explain.

She was directed to the cardiac ward, building C, level 3. 

A dull ache spread from the base of her skull. 

The waiting room was sparsely decorated and empty. She didn't know for sure if she was in the right place but there was nowhere else to go. She sat on a metal chair and waited. 

Was he already dead? 

Was she already alone? 

A nurse walked through the room and Lindsay heard her own raspy voice with the same inquiry. She was in the right place. She was told to wait. 

She examined the freshly mopped linoleum while she made every deal possible with god to spare her dad's life. 

After some time the double doors flew open and an old, slender nurse asked, "Are you the family of Spencer Bennett?"

"Yes." She didn't try to rise out of her seat.

The nurse walked to her and squatted so that her blue eyes were level with Lindsay's. "You're his..."

"Daughter."

"There has been a complication in the treatment your father was receiving. We've had to open up his heart."

Lindsay nodded dumbly. She bit down on her lip to stop it from quivering.

The nurse placed her hand over Lindsays. "It is a difficult time. The dangers are very real, but he has one of the country's best surgeons working on him."

Lindsay couldn't help it. Tears leaked out of her eyes and dribbled down her cheeks. 

The nurse squeezed her hand. "It will probably be several hours. The surgeon will come out to speak to you afterwards."

Lindsay didn't know what to do with herself. She texted Karen and Sue who both called her back, but there wasn't much to say. About an hour later they appeared in the waiting room with take-out boxes from Friday's and a stack of magazines. They'd brought Lindsay's favorite burger and a piece of tirimasu but she did't feel like eating. 

"You need to keep your strength up," Sue encouraged as she munched through her fajitas. 

Lindsay took a few bites of the burger and got about half way through the dessert but her stomach was so tightly clenched that she couldn't finish it. 

"At least keep the soda," Karen said as they were leaving with the food containers. "You don't know how long you'll be here."

Lindsay tried to smile. "Thanks for stopping by guys, it means a lot to me." 

Her friends enveloped her in a big three-way bear hug. "Let us know when you find out how he is okay? It doesn't matter how late."

Lindsay was lucky to have such good friends. 

She fingered through the magazines as she waited. The sun went down. Her butt went to sleep. She looked for evidence of air-brushing on the impossibly thin models in the magazines. 

The minutes ticked by. The hours stacked up. 

Finally the double doors swung open again. This time a tall, black, male nurse in blue scrubs asked, "Miss Bennett?" 

Lindsay nodded, the knot in her throat preventing any sound escaping. 

He smiled as he approached her and she felt herself relax a little. The chair creaked as she moved to get up but he waved her off. "Stay there, I'll sit." He swung a chair out of the row and sat facing her. "Oliver Watson," he said as he leveled his deep brown eyes on her.

She shook his big, warm hand. "Lindsay Bennett." 

"Your dad's in recovery. The most dangerous part is over and he's doing fine."

She let out a deep breath. "So he's going to be okay?"

"I expect him to wake up tomorrow and all going well he should be able to go home in about a week, but he's not what I would call 'okay'."

She didn't really know what that meant but coming from a nurse who looked like he graduated from nursing school last week she didn't put too much stock in it. "Thank you, but what does the surgeon think?" 

He smiled, flashing rows of straight white teeth. "I am the surgeon."

She felt her face flush with heat. "Sorry, I just assumed... I mean you look very young..."

He waved his hand dismissively. "It's okay. Do you want to know about the surgery?"

She nodded and he explained that her dad had a blockage in one of his arteries that needed to be cleared. There had been a complication when the cardiologist was trying to use a tiny mesh balloon to squash the blockage against the artery wall and so they'd needed to do emergency open-heart surgery. Doctor Watson had used some of the healthy artery from her dad's leg to create a new pathway around the blocked artery in his heart. 

She had a million questions and the doctor sat patiently and answered all of them. He acted as if he had all of the time in the world, even though it was well after midnight and he had been operating for hours. It was odd how he didn't look tired at all. He seemed to glow with energy. 

The reason he didn't think her dad was okay was because of how damaged the arteries in his heart were. Apparently they were filled with gunk called plaque, which could rupture and cause another blockage at any time. 

"Can't you clean it out? Use one of those vacuums like the dentist has?" She asked.

The doctor laughed as he leaned back for a moment. She took the time to drink in his sharp jaw line, round ears and short, thick hair. 

"That's a good idea but I'm afraid it isn't that easy. There are other treatment options though -- there's the standard regiment of drugs and moderate changes in lifestyle, which has been shown to have some positive effect but the prognosis is still pretty miserable. We can also throw in pre-emptive surgery to try and bypass problem areas before they become disaster areas. If your dad chooses to go that route I'd guess that he'd have one to three years to live." 

"One to three years? But he's only fifty-six, he's not even retired yet."

He nodded sadly. 

"What's the other treatment?" 

"It's pretty intensive but it achieves great results. It's a complete overhaul of eating style and activity level."

"You mean he has to go on a diet?"

"No, that's not the right way to think of it. He has to completely change what he eats. I'm guessing your dad isn't a big salad guy?" 

Lindsay couldn't help the snort that came out. Her dad called anything green rabbit food. If it grew in the ground it was what food ate. 

"Well that would have to change. He would have to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, but he'd probably not end up on my operating table again and he'd probably live to a ripe old age, so in my mind that's a pretty good trade-off."

Lindsay thought about that conversation for most of the night. She was having difficulty sleeping, not a new problem, and she kept on re-examining what the doctor had said. He'd asked her to think about if she would be willing to go to a residential facility to support her dad, if he chose to try the diet. He said that a patient's success was greatly improved by having a family member go through the whole process of dietary and exercise changes with them. 

Of course she would go with him. She would have to figure something out at work, Charlie would be livid, but he'd just have to manage without her for a few weeks. This was important. It was her dad's life. She only had one family member left and she had no intention of loosing him any time soon. She would force the lettuce leaves down his throat herself if she had to.

8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 02



The Somner Family Farm wasn't really a farm, although they did grow vegetables and there was an old apple orchard that ran the length of one side of the property. It was actually a fat camp in disguise. Lindsay and her dad had been there for three days and they both felt like shit. 

What she wouldn't do for a slice of cheesecake right now. Or a cup of coffee. Or a milkshake. Or anything even approaching tasty. She settled for a bowl of strawberries and a glass of almond milk and returned to the lecture hall. 

She had a headache that just wouldn't quit. It was a constant throbbing behind her eyes that made her wince when she moved. Her stomach was upset and she had to poop every other hour. 

She took solace in the fact that she wasn't the only one who looked like a wreck. There were eight other people starting 'the program' with them that week. 

Lindsay wasn't the fattest -- that was important. That honor belonged to Gretchen and Simon, a couple so fat that they probably needed their own beds. Simon had constant chest pain, among other complaints, and had chosen to try the diet rather than have heart surgery. 

The fat camp was run by people with unbounded energy and perfect good looks who did nothing but assure them that they too could run up the side of a mountain before breakfast and still have the energy to put in a full days work with a smile plastered across their faces. They were the sort of people who made her sick just to look at. If it weren't for her dad there was no way she would put up with this kind of torture. 

She found her seat in the lecture hall and settled in to see what Lucas has to say today. Lucas was alright. He was ridiculously tall and muscular with loose dark curls and crystal blue eyes that had little lines around them from all of the smiling and laughing that he did. Even if Lindsay was sick of hearing about how broccoli and spinach were her salvation, she didn't mind the excuse to look at Lucas for an hour or two. 

But today, after he'd said hello and made a few jokes about how terrible everyone looked, Lucas introduced Virgil, a middle-aged white guy with short cropped fair hair and a trim, narrow frame. He was an oil field executive from Houston. 

"It has been almost two years since I first sat in this lecture hall and in that time I've lost over 100 pounds and gained so much more than I can put into words," Virgil said. "At 54 years old I have more energy than I did as a teenager and I'm happier at home and at work than I've ever been. Every day I think god for the heart disease that lead me to Ollie, and then Luka and the rest of the staff here."

It was all very evangelical. If Karen and Sue were here they would be making gagging faces at each other by this point. 

Virgil went on to give a lecture about the challenges of staying on the program in his version of the real world where corporate lunches ruled and social events revolved around food. Even though Lindsay still wasn't convinced that this diet was the way of her future she found herself listening intently and taking a few notes.

The thing was, Lindsay could stand to loose a few pounds. She had always been the 'big girl', ever since she could remember. Her mom used to assure her that she was just big boned and that her extra weight was hereditary. Her mom wasn't exactly small and her dad easily filled out a size XXL t-shirt. There was no reason for her to believe she would ever be anything but big. 

Of course she had tried dieting before. She'd tried just about every diet there was out there. Her parents and friends always supported her, and were kind when the inevitable failure finally occurred. "Everyone needs a little comfort every now and then," her mom had once told her as she slid a slice of apple pie with ice cream in front of her after she failed yet another diet. 

Lindsay had come to accept that being overweight was just part of who she was. It was unfortunate, but it was just the way it was. It was her burden to carry. That's why she and her friends, who were fat like her, had such disdain for skinny people. Most of them were only that way because they had good genes. 

But Virgil didn't have good genes. He'd been fat once, he'd even had heart disease, but here he was, thin and fit and seemingly very happy. It was hard not to listen to him. 

In her heart Lindsay would love to be thin. It would be so amazing to feel sexy and beautiful in her own skin. To be able to wear a bathing suit without feeling embarrassed. For guys to turn their heads because they were attracted to her.

It felt like a pipe dream. 

Virgil was wrapping up his lecture. He had printed out a cook book with all of his favorite recipes in it that he handed out to the class. Lucas stood up from his seat, all smiles as usual, but as he walked up to the lectern something at the back of the room caught his eye. He nodded and returned to his seat. 

Lindsay turned in her seat and strained her neck to see who was there right as Doctor Watson walked past her on the way to the front of the room. 

She sank back in her chair as the little glow of excitement that the doctor gave her settled around her. She had seen him a few times in the week after her dad's surgery and had developed a bit of a crush on him. It was so stupid of her. The doctor was about as far out of her league as you could get. Guys like him went for skinny girls with respectable jobs and magazine-cover good looks. 

He gave Virgil a hug and presented him with a t-shirt with the Somner Family Farm logo on it. It was the first time she'd seen him in casual clothes and they did nothing to dispel her lusty feelings for him. His black t-shirt clung just a little to the tops of his pectorals and his olive green cargo shorts brought out the warm hue of his dark skin. 

She was still undecided on his race. He was clearly not white but it was hard to pick what mixture of parents could create such good looks. He had round, deep brown eyes, warm brown skin and thick, straight, dark brown hair that was just starting to get long enough to make a mini Mohawk. He had an angular jaw line and a big, wide smile that he used often and had the effect of putting her at ease. 

He was actually a little bit taller than Lucas, and every bit as muscular. It was a shame that he wasn't the ones giving the lectures about all the antioxidants in kale and B-group vitamins in mushrooms. 

He'd dismissed the class and people were starting to get up around her. She stole a few more glances over his way as she gathered her pens and notebooks, noticing how he interacted with Lucas at the front of the room. They seemed very relaxed with each other. Doctor Watson said something and Lucas swatted him over the head with the back of his hand. The doctor shoved him in return as he broke out in one of his dazzling smiles. 

Maybe they were gay. 

That thought actually made her feel better. Even though she knew she had no chance with him, she was still embarrassed that she looked like such hell today. She hadn't seen him in over four weeks and he chose to show up on the day that she looked like she'd been passed through an elephant's digestive tract. If he was gay it wouldn't matter so much. If he was gay he wouldn't be noticing her even if she looked like a super model. 

She walked slowly with her dad over to the dining hall. He was pretty close to recovered from the surgery, but like her, this whole new diet thing had hit him pretty hard. According to Lucas they were going through de-tox. The food and drinks they had been consuming were like drugs and their bodies had to learn to cope without them. It could last anywhere from two days to three weeks. 

She breathed in the warm summer air deeply. It was heavy with the scent of the jasmine that covered the southern railings of the dining hall deck. There were a lot more people milling about than there had been during the previous two evenings they'd spent here. Usually it was just the ten people starting the program, plus a few of the staff and some volunteers who had all been through the program and liked to come back to help. 

When they got inside there was clearly something bigger going on. Instead of one buffet table and long rows of log tables there were several buffet tables heavily laden with food and dozens of tall cocktail tables. They stood to the side and watched people greeting and talking to each other. 

She picked out Adrian, their exercise coach, easily enough, he was laughing with a group of middle-aged men. He leaned against a wooden support column and threw cherry tomatoes in his mouth. Then she saw Grace, their physical therapist, talking to a pretty blonde woman. She saw a guy who looked a lot like Doctor Watson only fairer and with thinner lips loading a plate up with stuffed mushrooms. There were kids there too. Teenagers clumped in groups on the balcony. 

Lindsay and her dad found big salad bowls and loaded them with all the things they knew they were supposed to eat but didn't really want to. They ate near the side of the room, with Percy, the poor old guy who was starting the program on his own. 

They weren't really sure of what they were witnessing. 

After a half hour or so they heard the screech of a microphone and Lucas' head and upper body appeared a few feet above the crowd. He must have found a chair to stand on. 

"Today is a momentous day," he declared with a grin. "My best friend has finally moved home, and thankfully has convinced his beautiful family to come with him." 

There was some hooting and cheering and clapping. 

"This is important for two reasons: The first being that Micah is the only one of you lazy asses who could actually come close to giving me a run for my money on the bike, so cycling will be fun again. Of course he's never beaten me..." 

There was more laughter.

"More importantly, we're here tonight to welcome his better half, Ellia, to our business, our family and our lives."

Lucas reached down and pulled the hand of the blonde woman that Grace had been talking to and she reluctantly climbed onto another chair beside him. 

"Ellia is an exercise physiologist, physical therapist, expert Micah-tamer and wonderful mother to the fabulous Owen and Natalie. We absolutely can't afford to loose her so please make her feel welcome and raise your glasses... To Ellia" Everyone toasted 

"Oh, and Micah," Lucas added with another grin before he stepped down off the chair.

Her dad was tired and wanted to go back to their mini-apartment after he'd finished eating. She walked him down the little path that skirted past the huge communal kitchen and along the side of one of the vegetable patches. The gravel crunched under their feet and crickets chirped in the trees. 

Once she'd gotten him settled in front of the television she decided to go back up to the dining hall. She and her dad had very different taste in television and there was an atmosphere of relaxed excitement up there that she wanted to be a part of, even if it was just milling around the sidelines and catching glimpses of the beautiful people.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 03



It was so good to see Micah again. Oliver loved all of his siblings and cousins, but Micah held a special place in his heart. He was just so easy to talk to, and Oliver was aware that talking was something that he needed to do. 

They were sitting out on the balcony of the dining hall drinking soda waters with lime. Micah didn't usually drink in his racing season and Oliver had a surgery scheduled in the morning so neither of them really wanted alcohol despite the festive atmosphere. 

"This place is really starting to come together," Micah commented. 

"Yeah we've been really lucky. We couldn't do half as much as we do without all the volunteers. At first I was really skeptical, but most people are surprisingly reliable." 

"I guess that's a happy side effect of changing peoples lives for the better." 

"Mm. People get pretty passionate about it."

They were silent for a moment. A chorus of crickets filled the gap in the conversation. When Micah finally spoke he said, "Mom and Dad would have been really proud of you Ol."

Oliver looked over at his brother. The knot of grief that he was usually able to keep pushed down in his gut started to twist and edge its way to the surface. Micah was looking at him through the soft light of the lanterns strung along the deck, his dark eyes steady and calm. Oliver swallowed hard. "Thanks Micah."

It was remarkable how raw he still felt at the mention of his parents. It had been almost a year since they had died and that horrible weakness in his knees and ache in his heart still engulfed him when he thought of them. It was as if the accident had happened just yesterday. 

He didn't feel like talking about them tonight so he changed the subject. "It will be a change of pace for Ellia. Apart from you the closest thing we have to a national champion around here is Tyler's dog."

Micah smiled. "You don't get to the pool much?" 

"Sometimes. I actually prefer working out with Adrian these days."

"How come?"

Oliver paused. He didn't swim anymore because he didn't like to be alone with his thoughts, but he didn't want to tell Micah that. He shrugged. "It's just more fun." 

Micah relaxed back into his seat. "Sylvie couldn't make it tonight?" 

"No. One of her patients went into labor this afternoon. Bad timing. It's probably for the best though. Matthew is still pissed at her." 

"About the funeral?" 

"I think so. I don't know what his problem is. I mean they were already dead. It was just a formality, there was no reason that she needed to be there for the whole thing." 

"What about for you? It wouldn't have made it easier for you?"

"Nothing was going to make it easier for me."

Oliver found himself thinking about that horrible day that they'd put their parents in the ground. The feeling that he couldn't breathe, and then the numbness afterwards, as if he could take a scalpel and slice himself open and not feel a thing. 

"I hope Ellia likes it here," he said to try and derail his thoughts. 

Micah sighed. "You and me both. This move has been so stressful and it's not even half over. I'm not going to be happy if she decides she wants to move back to Australia right away."

"She'll be alright. We're not such bad people are we?"

"Of course not, it's just that you're my people. She told me that she's worried everyone will always be on my side."

"Has she met Luka?"

Micah laughed. 

"She just needs to make some friends of her own. It will just take a while."

"Yeah. I'm a bit worried she's not going to have many opportunities to meet friends outside of our family." 

"She'll meet heaps of people just by working here."

"Yeah but are they the type of people she has anything in common with? They're mostly overweight and unhealthy, right?"

"Well sure, when they first arrive. They're generally good people though, and they learn how to be healthy. Nine times out of ten they take the lessons away with them and become fit and healthy."

"Hm." Micah seemed unconvinced. 

"You'll see."

As if on cue, Oliver heard the crunch of gravel as the daughter of one his patients approached the building. She was what some may describe as a handsome woman. She was tall with olive skin and had a round face with big, round, honey brown eyes and prominent cheek bones. She was severely overweight, probably obese, but she had a strange calmness about her that distracted you from her weight. He guessed she carried herself well. Her thick brown hair was swept up into a pony tail leaving only her bangs to hang around her face, making her look a little sporty. 

She hadn't noticed them sitting off to the side of the deck. She was almost past them when he decided to call out to her, "Lindsay."

She turned in surprise. "Oh! Hello Doctor Watson."

He shook his head. "It's Oliver from now on."

She smiled, showing off rows of straight, white teeth. "Okay. Hello Oliver."

"This is my brother Micah." 

She walked over and shook Micah's hand. "You just moved?"

"Yeah, it was a long trip," Micah replied.

"I hope you settle in well."

"How are you settling in here?" Oliver asked. 

"Oh," she shook her head. "Not so great, but Lucas says that will pass. I think dad is actually coping better than I am which is a bit of kick in the butt." She smiled again.

"Well everyone's different but you should start to feel better soon."

"Let's hope so. I'll let you guys get back to it. Good night." 

She waved her hand as Oliver and Micah said good night and disappeared into the dining hall.

"See," he said to Micah. "Perfectly nice person. Most of them are like that." 

"She's only nice to you because you saved her dad's life." 

"Nah. She thought I was a nurse and she was still nice to me." 

They chatted for a while longer about Micah's move. His kids were going to start first grade in a few weeks time and he was worried. "They have weird accents. I hope they don't get teased," he said. "That would just be the last straw. I feel like Elle and I are already skating on thin ice." 

"What do you mean?" 

He shook his head. "Sometimes I think we had kids too early. Don't get me wrong, I love them to the end of the earth and back but they're so much work. I can't even remember the last time we did anything together as a couple. They're always there demanding our attention. It's really tiring." 

"You want me to take them some time? I used to take Gracie's kids to the zoo when they were at that age."

"That would be amazing but you don't have time for that."

"What are you talking about, I have plenty of time to fill."

"Ollie, Luka told me you work 80 hours a week at the hospital and then work here too. When do you relax?" 

"First, you know Luka exaggerates like mad. Second, you know I'm no good at relaxing. I'll take the kids to the zoo next week, just let me check my rotation and I'll let you know when. If they like it I'll buy annual passes and we can make it a regular thing." 

Micah shook his head. "What am I going to do with you Oliver?"  



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 04



Day eight of her imprisonment in the fat camp was a peculiar one. 

It started at 5:30 am when Lindsay woke to the realization that she had slept through an entire night. She didn't remember the last time she had made it through a full night without tossing and turning, adjusting the covers, getting up to pee or get a glass of water several times. She would have attributed it to a superior mattress except that she was sleeping on a pull out couch in the living room of her dad's mini-apartment. 

She put on her workout clothes and she and her dad walked together to the gym where they met with their fellow prisoners and the handful of volunteers that had shown up that morning. 

They did their warm up walk up and down the apple tree rows, but instead of feeling puffed and dizzy she felt oddly invigorated. She actually felt herself smiling as she chatted with Crystal, the teenage daughter of Joe and Becca. 

Crystal looked better too. Her acne had settled down and her previously aloof manner seemed to have lifted. Looking around Lindsay realized they all looked better. Everyone was smiling and talking as they walked up and down the rows. Her dad was at the front with Percy, forging the way forward. 

When they got near the end of the last row she could see Adrian waiting, and this morning Oliver was with him on a bike. Her heart did a little flutter. It had happened a couple of times that Oliver or Lucas had been with Adrian when they met up in the morning but they always just said hello and then left. She guessed they must workout together before Adrian had to meet the prisoners. 

Oliver looked amazing on his bike. He was wearing skin-tight black shorts and one of those special bike shirts that has the pocket in the back. He had a helmet on his head and he and the bike were completely splattered in mud. 

Adrian's bike was filthy but he didn't look so dirty because he'd taken his shirt off, as was his custom. He had a gorgeous body and he wasn't afraid to show it. 

"Lindsay and Crystal, a likely pair," Adrian grinned at them as they approached. 

"Morning," she replied. 

"Feeling better girls?" Oliver asked.

"Yeah, I am," Lindsay replied. "How about you Crystal?"

Crystal nodded shyly. 

Once they were all gathered Oliver said goodbye and took off on his bike. She could see the long sleek muscles of his thighs flexing under his bike shorts as he worked the pedals.

Adrian told them they were going to go bike riding that morning. Lindsay was apprehensive. She hadn't been on a bike since she was a little kid and she wasn't even good at it back then. 

But once they had chosen bikes and helmets from the gear shed and used the clearing below the apartments to practice a bit she felt better about it. Adrian took them on the wide, flat trail that went around the big pond at the bottom of the farm. 

Her dad took off like a rocket. He pedaled around the pond twice in the time it took her and Crystal to get around once. When Adrian regrouped them her dad was sweating and smiling. Instead of walking his bike up the hill like everyone else he pedaled up it, standing up out of the seat to make the pedals turn. She hadn't seen him so enthusiastic about anything in a while. 

When they had first arrived Lindsay had been really worried about the exercise program. She had thought that it would be like the show 'The Biggest Looser," where there were hours and hours in the gym every day and the trainers were always yelling at the contestants to push harder. But it was nothing like that.

Adrian was a great trainer for people like them. His philosophy was 'fun first'. In the first training session he'd told them, "The most important thing about exercise is that you do it on a regular basis. The best way to get yourself to do something regularly is to enjoy it enough so that you look forward to it." 

Lindsay had enjoyed the bike ride. In fact she had enjoyed most of the training sessions they'd had. Some mornings they went in the mini bus up to the mountains and hiked through thick forest, the smell of moss and pine needles floating on the cool air. Once they'd been to the swimming pool. Another time they'd set up on the dining hall's wide front deck and practiced boxing -- that had been a real hit with the older guys. When it was raining they had put up tables in the gym and played ping-pong. They spent more time laughing than hitting the ball but by the end everyone was sweating and panting so it was actually a pretty good workout.

She had never felt like Adrian was pushing her, it just felt like she was hanging out with friends. Nobody broke down sobbing that they couldn't finish a workout. Nobody threw up from over-exertion. When she thought about it, she did kind of look forward to it each morning. Perhaps exercising would be one things she would continue to do once she left this place. 

She still wasn't all together convinced about the diet they had them on in this place. It was so strict. No meat. No dairy. No eggs. No processed foods. No oils. No this. No that. It just didn't seem realistic to her.

She told that to Grace, the physical therapist, later that day. She had smiled and nodded. "You might feel more optimistic after you've had a couple of our cooking classes later in the course," she said. 

Grace had called her in for her first appointment since the day they'd checked in. She was a tiny little Hispanic lady with wild curly hair and amber eyes that were almost too big for her face. Today Ellia sat beside her in stark contrast, she was all long slender limbs, fair features and long, thick, impossibly blonde hair. She was sitting in to learn how to deal with the prisoners. 

"Lindsay is the daughter of one of Ollie's patients," Grace explained. "We see the patients every day and keep close track of their progress but we only see the family members about once a week, and it is totally voluntary for them. If they don't want to we don't push the issue."

They took her blood pressure and had her stand on the scale and then they sat together and talked. Lindsay couldn't believe that she'd lost 9 pounds in one week. 

"That's awesome work Lindsay and you should be really happy but today I want to talk with you about your goals for the future." 

Grace put a piece of paper with a graph on it in the middle of the table in front of them. It had different areas shaded in different colors and height and weight on the axes. 

"You're 5'11", so this is you here." She used a felt marker to draw an arrow to the horizontal line representing her height. "Last week you were 231 pounds, right here." she drew a cross in the red part of the graph. "This week you are 222 pounds so you've moved over here." She drew another cross in the red part of the graph.

Lindsay was horrified. The red part of the graph was for obese people. She knew she was fat, but obese? It was a very rude awakening. Lindsay never weighed herself and avoided doctors like the plague, so she'd never realized that things were so bad. 

"Now," Grace continued, "you'll be staying with us for three more weeks?" 

Lindsay nodded, not trusting her voice. 

"Good. I wouldn't be surprised if you loose another twenty pounds before you leave, which will get you out of the obese category. Ultimately I'd like to see you somewhere near the middle of the normal category, say around 150 to 160 pounds, which means that the last 40 or 50 pounds you loose you'll be the one at the controls." 

Lindsay felt overwhelmed. She didn't know what to say. 

"You won't be alone, you'll have your dad for support and you can always come back here to visit. We have two different support groups that you can join and we will help you with the transition back to your home, but ultimately you are the one who is in control. We'll give you all the tools you need to reach your goal but in the end it's your choice."

Lindsay nodded dumbly and bit her lip to stop it from quivering. 

Grace's eyes softened. "Do you know what obese means?" She asked. 

"I'm too fat." Her voice broke as she spoke.

"No. It means your body has too much fat on it. It means your body needs better nutrition and exercise so it can go back to its natural state. You are Lindsay, you are a daughter, a friend, a...?"

"I manage a horse stable."

Grace smiled. "An equestrian person. The term obese doesn't define you, it's just a way of describing your body." 

She nodded again and looked at her hands. "Okay."

"But not for long, right? If you keep up the good work pretty soon you'll be kissing that label goodbye forever." 

Every day they had a scheduled break for two hours after lunch and Lindsay decided to take the time to drive over to the stables to check in on her horse Maggie. It was an unspoken rule that they weren't supposed to leave so it was the fist time in eight days that she'd left the fat camp. She was surprised that she didn't feel like a bandit escaping prison at all, she actually felt a little guilty. 

She snuck in the stables the back way so that she wouldn't have to deal with her boss Charlie. Maggie started nickering and pawing at the ground when she saw her. It had been the longest separation they'd endured since Lindsay had bought her almost ten years ago. 

The mare started to calm down as Lindsay got out her brush and went to work on her neck. She felt bad that she couldn't take her out of her stall but she'd left specific instructions about Maggie's exercise regime so she knew that she didn't really need to get out to stretch her legs. 

She thought back over her conversation with Grace as she settled into the rhythm of brushing out the horse's short, coarse hair. Grace was the first person who had ever shown confidence in her ability to loose weight. Her family and friends pretty much expected her to be fat, and were all about telling her that there was nothing wrong with it. It was like they were trying not to hurt her feelings, but at the same time they made it difficult for her to believe that she could ever be anything but fat. 

By the time she'd finished brushing her, Maggie was so relaxed that she was drooling. Lindsay rubbed her nose and promised to visit again soon. On the way out she caught sight of the vending machines. One was stacked with soda and the other with candy bars and bags of potato crisps. Usually she had a hard time resisting such temptations. Her favorite combination was plain salted potato crisps with a can of sprite and a milky way bar. It was the perfect combination of salty, sweet and creamy. 

She walked up to the vending machines and looked at the contents but instead of craving the junk food she just noticed that there wasn't one fresh ingredient in sight. There was nothing that actually looked like food to her. 

In the car on the way back to the fat camp she started to become excited. Grace was a trained physical therapist and she thought that Lindsay would be able to get down to a normal weight. What's more, Lindsay hadn't even felt like eating the junk food in the vending machines. Maybe it really was possible after all.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 05



Oliver knew what Sylvie was going to say before he even answered his phone. 

"Sorry babe, I've got another one popping out a baby this afternoon." 

He sighed. She always had another baby popping out. "That's okay." He couldn't get angry with her. It was her job to be there when her patients needed her and obviously one of them did right now. 

On the one occasion that he'd said something to her about missing a social event she'd gotten angry. 

"Do you want me to do a C-section on the poor woman just so that I can get home in time for dinner?" She'd said. 

Of course he didn't want that. One of the things he loved about Sylvie was her integrity. He respected that she didn't put her social life ahead of a patient's wellbeing. 

Besides, he wasn't exactly a model boyfriend. He spent half of his life at the hospital and the other half on call. He couldn't blame her for doing the same.

"Let me know if anything changes. You can always come a bit later," he told her. 

"Yeah, I'll see how it goes. No promises though." 

"Okay have a good one. Love you." 

"Love you too." 

The line went dead. 

It had been so much better when they'd been in med school. 

Oliver couldn't figure out if this is just what happened in a relationship when you'd been together for as long as they had or if there was really something wrong. 

They rarely fought. When they did manage to spend time together it was pleasant. She called him babe and he called her honey. They kissed when they met or when they were parting. On the rare occasions that they found themselves in bed together and one or both of them weren't dead tired they had sex and it was good. All signs would point to a pretty normal relationship. 

They'd been together for six years. She'd seen him through his fellowship at Stanford and moved with him back to Colorado. She was beautiful and accomplished and he loved her. He wanted to propose to her but there never seemed to be a good time. He'd been bugging her for ages about taking a week off and going away on a holiday with him but the trouble was that she needed to plan nine months ahead and that was just too challenging for both of them. 

When he got to the park that they were having the party in he missed her. They used to go to family events together. They used to hold hands and sit together the way that other people in his family did with their spouses. It never used to feel like an effort to spend time together. 

Matthew and Katie had done a good job with Josie's second birthday party. There were balloons and toys all over the place and a picnic table piled with food. There must have been a dozen or more toddlers tearing around the place and the older kids were hanging off the play equipment. 

He gave Josie her present and enjoyed her excitement as she opened it and discovered the toy cooking set. 

"Daddy! Daddy! Fwying pan!" She shrieked as she ran over to Matthew to show him.. 

"Say thank you to Uncle Ollie." 

Josie came running back with her arms held wide, the toy frying pan still in one hand. "Dank oo!" She said as she gave him a big hug. 

Matthew had followed her back. "Sylvie couldn't make it?" 

He shook his head. "She's got a delivery. She might be able to come a bit later." 

Matthew's lips tightened. "She takes on a lot of patients." 

That comment pissed Oliver off. Sylvie took on a lot of patients because they were saving money to buy a house, not so she could avoid his family. It wasn't her fault that they were always going into labor at inopportune times. 

Oliver brushed him off and went to talk to Grace and her husband Nicholas who were sitting together watching the little kids play. 

"Nicholas is feeling nostalgic about having little kids," Grace said. 

"Time for number four?" Oliver asked. 

Nicholas laughed. "Not THAT nostalgic." 

He'd been there for two hours and was thinking about leaving when his phone rang. It was Sylvie. 

"Are you still at the party?" She asked. 

"Yeah." 

"Stay where you are, I'll be there in 15." 

He was really glad when she arrived. "Quick delivery?" He asked.

"Yeah it was number three for the mom and she shot him straight out. No dramas at all." She smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss. 

She stayed with him and chatted with his family and played with the kids. Sylvie was really good with little kids. She peek-a-booed and played chasey and helped them to go down the slippery slide. Her silky black hair washed back and forth over her shoulders and her narrow eyes sparkled as she chased Josie around while she sang "I'm coming to get cha!" 

That night they went home together and made love. It turned him on to see her so happy and playful and she seemed to have an enthusiasm for him that she'd lacked for a while. 

Afterwards, when they were lying in bed together, she turned to him and said, "I was thinking about cutting my hours back at the hospital." 

Oliver was really happy, so happy that he volunteered to do the same. 

"I think we should try and make our relationship a priority," she said.

Oliver was so happy that he got a second wind and made love to her again, something that hadn't happened in years. 

The next few weeks were a dream. They both made a big effort to work less and be together more. Sylvie worked out with him in the mornings a couple of times. They took Micah's kids to the zoo. They ate dinner together most nights. They actually saw a movie together, something that they hadn't done in years. They still weren't going at it every night, but they had sex more often and he felt satisfied.

Oliver was so happy. He couldn't remember the last time he was this happy, probably back when he'd finished his fellowship and they'd gone to Hawaii together to celebrate. The memory of that trip brought him back to thinking about proposing. 

For a couple of days he spent his spare time going to jewelers and looking at rings. Finally he settled on a square cut diamond solitaire and bought it. He'd get her to Hawaii and propose on the beach, where they had made such good memories before. 

He brought his vacation idea up with her on a Saturday morning as they were getting ready to go up to the mountains for the farm's end-of-term camping trip.

"Remember Hawaii?" He asked. 

"Mm." She didn't turn to him, she just kept on rolling the sleeping pads. 

"I want to take you back there. Back to that little beach on the North Shore." 

This time she looked up at him and he thought he heard her sigh. Her shoulders slumped a little. She'd been doing that for the past couple of days. He assumed she was feeling down because she'd lost a baby that week.

"What's the matter? It doesn't have to be right away, we can take some time to reorganize our schedules." 

Sylvie bit her lip and frowned. 

"Sylvie? What's wrong?" 

She patted the carpet on the floor beside her and he went to sit with her. 

"Tell me. What is it?" 

"Oliver, I need some time to myself." 

He blinked. Did he hear her right? "What? I thought you wanted to make our relationship a priority. I thought..." 

She shook her head. "I wanted to give us one last shot." 

He felt the tension rising in his chest. "One last shot? I wasn't even aware that we were running out of bullets." 

Sylvie sighed again and rubbed her eyes.

"Is there someone else? Is that what is wrong?" 

She looked up at him with sad brown eyes and his heart sank. "In a way there is."

"What does that mean?" 

"I have feelings for someone else but nothing has really happened between us." 

All of the air left him. "Who?" 

"It doesn't matter who."

"It matters to me." 

She shook her head and said, "Paul," in a quiet voice. 

"Paul Sherwin? The head of obstetrics? Your boss?" He couldn't believe it. Paul Sherwin must have been twenty years older than them and as far as he knew he was married with kids. 

"Yeah." 

He shut his eyes for a second to try and regroup. "What do you mean nothing 'really' happened?"

Sylvie looked down at her hands and sighed again. "We kissed. It was a big mistake. I never wanted to do anything like this to you Oliver."

"When?" 

"A few weeks ago."

"And then you decided that we should make our relationship a priority?"

She nodded. "I thought I owed it to you. To us. I thought maybe we could rekindle things and I'd be able to forget about Paul. But it's no use. I love you Oliver, please don't doubt that, but I'm not in love with you anymore."

"Are you in love with Paul?" 

"It doesn't make any difference."

"Just tell me. Are you in love with him?" 

She nodded. "I'm sorry Ollie. I never wanted to hurt you."

"What about him? Is he in love with you?"

"I think so."

"So you're leaving me for him? You're going to get together with Paul Sherwin?" He heard his voice rise in disbelief.

She shook her head. "I don't know what's going to happen with him, but I can't stay with you when I have feelings for someone else."

Oliver got up and went into the back yard. He breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself down. He paced back and forth while his stomach churned. After a few times along the back fence he threw up his breakfast into the rosemary bush. He didn't feel any better. 

He didn't understand. Sylvie had sacrificed a better position at Stanford in order to move to Colorado with him. Why had she done that if she wasn't really in love with him?

How could she still love him but not be in love with him? He was still in love with her. He still wanted to spend his life with her. Why didn't she feel the same?

Was it the lack of a marriage proposal? They'd been together for a long time. Grace and Nicholas had gotten married straight out of college and Matthew and Micah had both married their wives after dating them for only a year or two. Would it be different if they were married?

He kept on pacing until he realized that he wasn't making any progress, his thoughts were just going around and around in circles in his head.

He went back inside. Sylvie was sitting at the kitchen table and she put her cell phone down and looked up at him. Suddenly he wondered what she was doing on the phone. Was she just texting Paul to tell him that she was free?

"How do you want to do this?" She asked. "Do you want to move out or shall I?" 

"I will. I don't want to be here anymore."

She nodded. "Okay. There's no rush. I can sleep in the spare room until you figure something else out."

He couldn't believe she was sitting there calmly talking about him moving out. Six years and this is what it came to. 

"Do you want me to drive you up to the lake?" She asked. 

"No." He didn't feel like being stuck in a car with her for an hour right now. 

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Just tell me one thing. How long has this been going on?" 

She rubbed her eyes again and sighed. "I don't know. It depends what you mean by 'going on'."

"How long have you liked him as more than a friend?" 

"A while." 

"A while like a few weeks or a while like a few years?" 

"I was attracted to him when I first met him, but it was all very innocent until a few months ago, when I realized how deeply I felt."

Oliver couldn't speak. She'd met her boss over a year ago. For more than a year they'd been living a lie. 

She left. She said she was going to the gym. 

He really didn't want to go up to the lake anymore. He called everyone he could think of to see if he could cancel but nobody answered. They were probably all already out of cell phone range. It was already past noon. He thought about chickening out but they were expecting him and he knew they would worry if he didn't show up. He didn't want to put them through that torture. Not again. 

He packed his camping gear and as many clothes and shoes as he could fit in his suitcases and loaded them all into his car. He went to his parents' house to drop off the suitcases. He assumed that was where he would stay for now, but as soon as he walked in the front door he knew he couldn't. 

He couldn't breathe in there. Their stuff was everywhere. He couldn't look anywhere with out being reminded of the last time he saw them. He dumped the bags inside the door and fled. He'd have to come up with another place to stay. 

The drive up to the lake took him about twice as long as it should have. He kept on having to stop and get out to walk around and try to calm himself down. He knew it was all in his head but that didn't make it any easier. Near the end he threw up again. He felt like his body was folding in on itself. It didn't bode well. 

Finally he steered down the familiar old gravel drive and parked with the mini van and the handful of other vehicles there. 

Even though it was only 5 pm Adrian and Lucas were already getting the camp fire set up and everyone else was hanging out, helping or watching. 

"Where's Sylvie?" Lucas asked when he saw that Oliver was alone.

"She had an emergency at the hospital." He had said it so many times it didn't even register as a lie until after it came out of his mouth. 

"You drove up here on your own?" Adrian's words had an edge of disbelief. Or perhaps anger. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Luka, where's your dad?" 

"In the cabin."

He hiked the couple of hundred yards to the log cabin without looking back. 

"Ollie! Good! We can call off the search party," his Uncle Tyler joked when he saw him. 

"Can I talk to you?" 

His look of amusement turned to concern. "What's up?" 

"Come on." Oliver led him out of the cabin and along the dirt single track that snaked through the trees in the opposite direction to where everyone was setting up camp. At the first switchback he led him down to the lake rather than up the mountain. There was a big, old log down there near the water's edge. 

He sat on the log and Tyler lowered himself down beside him. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, his weathered green eyes searching. 

Oliver looked away and shook his head slowly.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

He shook his head again. He didn't know what he'd say. There was nowhere to begin. "Will you just sit with me for a while?"

"Of course." 

They looked out over the glassy surface of the lake. His dad used to take them camping and swimming up here when they were kids. One summer he bought a double kayak and the whole family fought over it. They fought over whose turn it was and once they were in it they fought with each other about where to go. His mom called it the kayak of discontent.

Oliver couldn't help it. He was crying. The tears stung his eyes as they fell. 

Tyler put his arm around him and Oliver leant into him. He was so lonely. 

"I miss them." His voice was hoarse. 

"I know Ollie. I do to." 

They sat like that for a long time. The frogs started their evening serenade and the reflection of the mountain on the lake turned from white to grey to black. 

It was getting dark but Tyler didn't move and nor did Oliver. 

"Sylvie broke up with me," he finally said. 

"Oh Ol." Tyler's arm squeezed him closer for a moment. "Talk about a bad year." 

"I have to move out of our place." 

"Stay with us. As long as you want." 

"Thanks."

They picked their way carefully back along the trail to the cabin. 

Oliver really didn't want to go down to the camp fire but all of his gear was still in his car, besides it would be pretty poor form to just ignore all of the people down there. They put on these camping trips as a celebration for the people who were about to leave the farm. 

He found his headlamp and set up his tent and then went to the fire. It was pretty noisy. People were clumped around talking and eating and drinking and laughing. 

Grace appeared beside him and squeezed his arm. 

"You okay?" She asked, her big eyes illuminated by the flicker of the fire.

"Yeah. A bit shaky for a while there but I'm fine now." 

She smiled up at him. "You want me to stay with you?" 

He breathed out. Then nodded. 

She stayed with him as he circulated and tried to remember peoples names and make them feel good about themselves. 

She filled in the spaces he couldn't. 

When he thought he'd done enough he thanked her and went to bed. He brushed his teeth in the tent and spat the toothpaste just outside the vestibule. He hadn't eaten since breakfast but he knew from experience that there was no point in trying now. His stomach was twisted into a tight knot, it would reject anything he tried to send its way. He would try in the morning. 

He zipped up his sleeping bag and settled in for his first night as a single man in the better part of a decade. 



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 06



Sylvia hated what she'd done to Oliver, but she couldn't see how she could have handled the situation any better. The force that pulled her towards Paul was just too strong. Once she knew he had feelings for her too there was nothing that she could do to stop the avalanche that swept her away from Oliver. 

She had tried to stop it. She had put in a real effort to get their relationship back on track, she even changed all of her shifts at the hospital to avoid Paul, but resistance was futile. He had buried himself inside her. Even when she and Oliver had taken his brother's kids to the zoo and they'd been having a really good day she'd still been thinking about Paul. She was thinking about Paul when they had sex, but she would never admit that. She thought it was the right thing to be honest with Oliver, but not that honest. 

The end had come when she'd run into Paul at work. She had just finished her rounds and was about to leave when she saw him in a hallway. He'd touched her on the arm. 

"I've missed you," he said, his blue eyes boring into her. 

She didn't respond and he continued, "I hope I didn't scare you away."

He looked so earnest. His eyebrows were raised a little and his forehead wrinkled. She got the feeling the kiss they'd shared had meant as much to him as it did to her. 

She and Paul were friends. It had started as a mentor-mentee relationship, but blossomed into a proper friendship. They often ate lunch together or stayed a little later after their shifts in order to grab a cup of coffee together and catch up. They talked about topics ranging from obstetrics to art to relationships to politics. 

That one brief exchange, one touch of the arm, was enough to convince her that she couldn't stay with Oliver any longer. She didn't know for sure if things would work out with Paul, he was still married, albeit unhappily, but she was hopeful for their chances. 

She had only seen Oliver twice since they'd broken up. The first time he'd come to the house with his uncle's truck in order to collect all of his clothes and bikes, and the second time he'd taken the rest of his stuff -- his books, swimming medals and kitchen gadgets. 

"What do you want to do about the furniture?" She'd asked. 

"You keep it. I don't want it anymore." 

"And our accounts?" 

He shook his head, defeated. "I don't know. Fifty-fifty?"

"That's too generous Oliver, how about sixty-fourty?" She motioned to him when she said sixty. 

"Fine. Whatever." 

It broke her heart to see him so sad and despondent, but what could she do? It wasn't her fault she'd fallen in love with someone else. At least she'd had the decency to break up with him before anything physical happened with Paul. 

She started eating lunch with Paul again and the sexual tension between them was so sharp she thought she could feel it zapping between them when they touched. His eyes lit up when she told him that she'd broken up with Oliver. Under the table his foot stroked against her leg as he said, "Sometimes things don't work out the way we had envisioned."

She invited him over to her house for dinner. Oliver had given her his set of keys and it had been long enough since the breakup that she wasn't worried about their privacy. 

She was worried about her cooking though. Oliver had always been the one to do the cooking for two reasons. Firstly, he enjoyed it, and second, he had such strict and strange dietary rules that he never ate the things she cooked anyway. 

She certainly wasn't sticking to Oliver's crazy diet when she cooked for Paul. Something told her that she'd get a pretty strange look from him if she dished up a big bowl of rabbit food with a side of brown rice. 

She settled on making pork chops the way her mom did -- with jasmin rice, Vietnamese fish sauce and a little salad with spicy pickled carrots. Paul had shown interest in her Asian heritage so maybe he'd appreciate this dish.

She wasn't sure if anything was going to happen between them but she went out and bought some new lingerie just in case. She couldn't bring herself to wear anything from the drawer full of bras and panties that Oliver had bought for her over the years. 

She needn't have worried about her cooking. They were less than a half a glass of wine into the evening before her shirt came off and all thoughts of dinner were forgotten. 

They were on the couch, kissing and fondling breathlessly, her heart racing and her lacy new panties soaked through when Paul had asked, "Is there somewhere more comfortable we can go?" 

She took him to the spare room. It had been weeks since Oliver had moved out but for some reason she couldn't take Paul into their bed, the bed they'd chosen together. 

The spare room was fine though, and she was able to relax and enjoy the moment that she'd been building in her imagination for years. 

Paul was older and although she was academically aware that he wasn't much to look at, her heart didn't seem to know any better. He was also smaller and less skillful of a lover than Oliver but in her frenzied state he could have been the size of a toothpick and her body would still have bucked and writhed in pleasure. 

It was because she was in love. Paul may have been physically inferior to Oliver, but he more than made up for it with his personality. He had the aura of a real man. Where as Oliver often needed reassurance, Paul had the confidence of a Cesar. When Paul spoke people listened. When he asked for something people jumped out of their skin to do it for him. 

Afterwards, they were lying in bed together facing each other, just touching and smiling contentedly when Paul said, "Sylvia, you have no idea how long I have wanted this."

At that moment there was not a doubt in her mind that she had done the right thing. 



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 07



Oliver threw himself into his work. It was easier to deal with his new life if he was in constant motion. He also saw his psychiatrist and went back on anti-depressants. He wasn't anywhere near happy, but he was coping.

He stayed with Tyler, Maya and Madeline for a few weeks.

When he felt like a burden he tried to return to the conversation he'd had with his mom the first time he'd struggled with depression and anxiety when he was in college. She'd had the same problem through her whole life. "You've got to lean on us when you're having an episode Ollie," she'd said. "Dad and I, your brothers, Gracie, Tyler and his family, it's our job to support you when this happens."

Tyler had been the right person to go to. In the past he'd gone to Micah but this time he felt like his brother had enough on his plate. Matthew had also helped him out before but lately he'd gotten the impression that he didn't like Sylvie and Oliver didn't want to deal with that. But Tyler was a good place to be. He was a good mixture of sympathy and lightheartedness, and Oliver thought he'd given him some good advice where Sylvia was concerned. A few days after she'd broken the news, Oliver got the idea that he should try to fight for her -- to win her back. 

"I still love her. You can't just turn that off. Our relationship is basically good, we just need to work harder on it," he'd argued. "We could move back west, start over."

"Loving someone and wanting to be with them are two different things," Tyler had pointed out. 

"But I miss her, I do want to be with her." 

"Are you sure? Say she comes back to you. You move west, or east or wherever. Things settle down. Are you going to be able to trust that she's not falling in love with another boss all over again?" 

It was a good point and Oliver decided not to fight for Sylvia. He decided to concentrate on the things in his life that were good -- his family, his work, and then the old homestead. 

Lucas lived for free in the big, old rambling homestead on the farm. It was a 4 bedroom stick built house with a wrap around deck that probably should have been condemned. According to his uncle Josh, who was an architect, the framing was solid, it was just everything attached to the framing that could fall apart at any minute. 

Lucas was completely unfazed by the less-than-stellar living conditions and liked to point out all of the 'upgrades' that he'd completed since he moved in several years ago. As far as Oliver could tell Lucas' upgrades consisted of installing two dishwashers side-by-side in the kitchen where one might reasonably expect cupboards to be. 

"What do I need cupboards for?" Lucas asked when Oliver pointed out the lack of cupboard space. "I have two dishwashers one for dirty plates and one for clean."

Lucas wanted Oliver to move in with him. The place was in a state of such disrepair that Oliver knew it was a good idea to stay there. Everywhere he looked there was something that needed doing, a roof that needed retiling, a wall that needed repainting, a deck that needed to be torn down and rebuilt. It could keep him occupied for years. 

It would probably be years before he felt any better. Every time Sylvia crossed his mind he felt his thoughts start to spiral. He had to consciously pull himself out. That's what his anti-depressants did for him, they allowed him to recognize when his thoughts were no longer logical and to halt them before they got out of control. 

The easiest way to halt a thought pattern was to change what he was doing or engage in something that required him to concentrate on a task -- like surgery. Work was an excellent way to distract himself. Working on the house would also be a good way to keep himself occupied when he'd worked as many hours as he was legally allowed. 

A few days after he moved into the homestead Tyler came over with a dog. Not Princess, his little boxer mix, a dog Oliver had never seen before. It took him a moment to figure out that he was trying to give it to him as a gift. Oliver tried to refuse. What was he going to do with a dog? He could hardly keep up with looking after himself. 

"Sit down and hear me out," Tyler requested. 

They sat on the chairs on the rickety old deck that overlooked a completely overgrown garden with views of the pond in the distance. The dog lay down between them, panting in the heat. It was September but nobody had told the weather that it was supposed to be cooling off. 

"Do you remember Cassie?"

"Yeah." Cassie was the boarder collie mutt Tyler had owned when Oliver was a little kid.

"Cassie was your mom's dog."

"Huh? Why did she live with you then?" 

"Well by the time you were born she was my dog, but your dad gave her to your mom when she was having a hard time dealing with a miscarriage." 

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was back when we were all in college. Your mom was seriously depressed and your dad picked Cassie up from an animal shelter on a whim. She helped your mom to get back to normal." 

"So you want to give me a dog because I'm depressed? It's not the same Tyler, I'm not in college any more. I don't have time to look after a dog." 

"Let me finish. At the time I had a girlfriend I was pretty serious about. We moved out here together and then a few years later she left me for a guy who worked at Denny's."

"What!?" 

"Yeah, she got together with him before she left me. I can laugh about it now but it was crushing at the time. My little sister was in a coma, I'd fallen out with your mom about the girlfriend, and then the girlfriend had left me."

"Not fun." 

"No. Well, your mom gave me Cassie. I'm not going to claim that Cassie was the reason I was able to get on with my life, but she certainly helped. It helped me to have a reason other than myself to get up every morning." 

Oliver still didn't want the dog but Tyler was so sentimental about it that he was making it difficult to say no. "What if it doesn't work out? I've never had a pet before." 

"I'll take her. Two dogs isn't much more work than one. Keep her for a couple of weeks and if you still don't want her she can come and live with us."

He reluctantly agreed. Lucas said he was happy to help whenever he needed him to so Oliver became the new owner of a brown and tan skinny mutt with big pointy ears and a triangle face. 

"Hey Tyler," Oliver called out as Tyler was walking out the door. "Does she have a name?" 

"Rush," he called back. 

Tyler had told him to keep Rush on a leash with him as much as he could for the first couple of days which had sounded like a piece of cake but turned out to be anything but. She wouldn't do anything that Oliver wanted her to. If Oliver wanted to go one way the dog wanted to go the other and would pull on the leash until he either gave in and went her way or he physically dragged her the way he wanted to go. 

Lucas thought it was hilarious.

"What am I doing wrong?" Oliver asked. 

"Take her outside. Maybe she needs to pee." 

"Whatever you do, don't drop the leash!" He added as Oliver was trying not to fall down the front steps after her. 

It went on like that all week. She was as stubborn as a bull. When Oliver took her jogging she just about dislocated his shoulder she pulled so hard on the leash. Even after several laps around the pond she was still out in front pulling like a sled dog until she saw a bush she wanted to sniff, then it was near impossible to get her to move. 

At home she had settled down to the point where she would lie quietly beside him when he was sitting down but as soon as he took her into a new room she was pulling him around again. And the damn mutt wouldn't stay off the furniture. It was really frustrating.

Oliver would admit that he liked coming home to the dog though. When he turned his key in the door Rush would start whining and when she saw him she bolted towards him and wove through his legs panting and whining and making a big fuss. In the mornings she would wake him by shoving her wet little nose onto whatever piece of his skin was exposed. When he showed signs of life she would whine and do a funny little dance where her bottom wiggled and her tail wagged. 

Oliver still didn't think he would keep her though. The frustration out balanced the good times. He was really just waiting out a couple of weeks to give her back to Tyler when he ran into Lindsay down at the pond. 

Now that he lived at the farm he saw a lot more of the volunteers and Lindsay seemed to be around quite a bit. It was good. A big part of his patients' success hinged around finding people with healthy eating and exercise habits they could relate to and become friends with and use as support when they needed it. The volunteers were integral to that. It also helped the volunteer's chances of making the lasting changes they needed. 

It must have been a month or so since Lindsay had completed the program and she was looking great. She was still over weight, she would be for a while yet, but her skin and hair had a healthy glow and her eyes shone with energy. She was jogging around the lake in a slow, relaxed gait. He said hello as he passed her but a few meters later Rush had ideas about a bush beside the path and Lindsay caught back up. 

"Is that your dog?" She asked. 

"Yeah."

"Careful, don't want to tear a rotator cuff," she joked as Rush took off again. 

Oliver laughed but he didn't really find it amusing. She must have sensed his unease and asked, "Did you just get her?" 

"Does it show?" 

Lindsay flashed her movie-star smile. "Do you want me to show you a few tricks?" 

Oliver practically threw the leash at her he was so keen to learn how to get the animal under control. 

"First off, she'll learn quicker if you noose the handle of the leash around her neck rather than use the clasp." 

She used a series of shushing sounds, finger snapping and touching until Rush was sitting quietly. It was like a magical dog language. Rush had never sat like that for him. Then she grabbed her collar, unsnapped the leash and looped the clasp through the handle until it formed a kind of noose and slipped it over Rush's head. 

"You want to keep it up high on her neck where she's more sensitive. If you were an alpha dog you would give her little growls and bites to keep her in line, that's what we're trying to replicate." 

Lindsay started to walk Rush on the leash and any time she'd pull forward she'd correct her with a shush, a click of her fingers, a snap of the leash or a touch to the side. In a few hundred meters she had the dog walking patiently by her side. 

"That's amazing. Teach me how to do that?" Oliver begged.

She laughed. "Of course." 

She gave the leash back to him and tried to help him keep Rush walking beside him rather than pulling ahead. 

"You need to pretend like you are the boss. Pretend that you know what you're doing and she will follow you." 

Oliver tried really hard to be the boss but Rush would still pull whenever she decided there was something she wanted to investigate. 

"Stop a minute," Lindsay requested. 

Oliver stopped and turned to her. She bit on her lip and squinted her eyes in the afternoon sun. A warm breeze rustled her hair. 

"Are you okay?" She asked. 

Oliver didn't know what possessed him to do it but he said, "No. My parents died less than a year ago and my girlfriend of six years just left me." 

Lindsay blinked. "And you decided to get a kelpie?" 

He turned his head to the side in question and she said, "The dog. She's a kelpie." 

"No, it wasn't my idea. My uncle gave her to me as a gift." 

Lindsay nodded slowly. "This uncle, is he slightly deranged?" 

Oliver laughed. Probably the first real laugh he'd done since the break-up. "I guess you could say that. He has good intentions though. He told me my mom gave him a dog once when he was depressed and it helped him." 

"Okay, I could see that. Maybe an older retriever or something low maintenance would help the right person in the right circumstances, but this is a kelpie, this is the definition of high needs. This dog was bred to go out and herd cattle, to make decisions without even having her master in sight."

Oliver looked down at Rush. Even though he was holding the leash she was standing beside Lindsay, her big ears turned forwards and her eyes darting over the lake. 

"I'm not trying to discourage you," Lindsay continued a little more gently. "I'm just trying to give you a realistic idea of what caring for this dog will be like."

They jogged back up to the gym together and Oliver thanked her for the lesson before heading home. 

"Oliver," she said as he turned to leave. "I'm sorry about your parents and your break up. I'm happy to help you with the dog if you decide to keep her."

When he got back to the house he called Tyler and asked where he'd gotten Rush. 

"From a breeder on a ranch."

"Did you know that she's some sort of cattle-herding dog?" 

"Ah... yes, the breeder mentioned something about that." 

"Did he mention anything about her being very high maintenance?"

"Um... well, yes. He did mention that the previous owners returned her because she was um..."

"Unmanageable?" 

"Something along those lines."

"Are you insane? What gave you the idea that I would have any chance of keeping this animal under control?"

Tyler was silent for a moment and then he said, "How many times have you thought about Sylvie today?"

Oliver sighed. "I don't know, a couple of times. What has that got to do with Rush?"

"It has everything to do with Rush. If you can keep the number of times you think about Sylvie down to a few a day it will be easier for you to process what's happened."

Oliver was silent. He knew that was true but he still wasn't convinced that keeping the dog was a good idea.

"You just need to find your inner strength," Tyler said.

Oliver choked out a cynical laugh. "I don't have any inner strength Tyler. What you've seen over the past couple of weeks, that's all I've got."

"Come on Ollie, I don't believe that for a second. You're Emma's son. You have strength that you haven't even realized exists yet. You can train the dog. She'll be a good friend."

Oliver was silent again.

"You've had her for two weeks, at least keep her another two. If nothing else that will give me time to figure out how to break it to Maya that I've adopted another dog."

So Oliver agreed to keep Rush for two more weeks.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 08



Lindsay felt amazing. It had been eleven weeks since she had changed her lifestyle and every day she felt fresher, more energetic, more in control. 

Of course there were low points. Karen and Sue constituted the most disturbing of these. The three of them had been best friends since high school, and she felt betrayed when they deserted her. At first she didn't understand it. They had always been so supportive in the past, they'd even gone on diets together and cried together when they'd failed. 

As soon as she left the farm they were calling her and inviting her out to eat. It was their tradition. The first time she'd met them at Chili's and she'd ordered a salad without cheese, meat, croutons or dressing they'd laughed at her. 

"Do you want a bite of mine?" Karen had teased, waving a forkful of her burrito in Lindsay's face. 

Lindsay hadn't been tempted. "No thanks." 

They had a lot to talk about that first time back together, but there was a moment of uncomfortable silence when Karen and Sue ordered dessert and Lindsay ordered peppermint tea. Karen and Sue looked at each other for a moment. Sue's eyebrows rose and Karen rolled her eyes as she looked away. 

It was like that every time they ate together. Lindsay didn't mind going to the greasy restaurants, she just made sure that she'd eaten a full healthy dinner before she left and she took her own healthy salad dressing with her so she wasn't tempted -- techniques that Virgil the oil executive had taught her. But Sue and Karen were bothered by her constantly ordering salads stripped to the bare vegetables. 

"You make me feel so guilty for enjoying myself," Sue had said. 

Lindsay tried to invite them to do things that didn't involve eating. She'd asked them to go shopping with her to buy some new clothes, something that they had done together before and had fun with. 

At that point she'd lost about 40 pounds and her clothes all looked like potato sacks on her. They were beyond her ability to alter so they would fit again. She wasn't trying to rub it in that she'd lost weight, she just wanted a nice shopping day with her friends, but Sue and Karen were aloof and sarcastic the whole time. 

When she suggested a coffee break Karen sighed. "Do you order lettuce with your coffee too?" She asked in a derogatory tone. 

Lindsay tried to stay upbeat. "No, I brought some fruit with me. There's enough for all of us..." 

Sue rolled her eyes. "We don't want to eat your fruit Lindsay, or your stupid salads. We're sick of you being so superior all the time." 

"What? I'm not superior, I've just changed the way I eat."

"I've got to go," Sue said. "Do you want a ride home Karen?" 

Karen nodded and they left. That was the last time she'd seen or spoken to the two women that were once her best friends. The women who'd seen her through being bullied as a teenager, the loneliness of being single for years, the death of her mother and her dad's heart attack had deserted her because she didn't want to eat junk anymore. 

She'd brought it up at the support group she went to at the farm on Tuesday nights. The other women nodded and a lot of them had similar stories. One of them had even lost contact with her sister. Some people thought it was jealousy that drove old friends away others thought it was guilt. Lindsay thought perhaps it was low self esteem.

She was really glad that she'd found the people in her support group. Her dad was a lot of help but he was kind of a manly man and had never been big on talking about emotions or relationships. She went to the women's support group rather than the one open to both sexes because they tended to talk more about how they felt. The open support group basically just made plans for exercise meet-ups and swapped recipes. 

The women in her support group were open and friendly. There were some who were still fat, some who were skinny and some who were in between, but their weight didn't make any difference to how they treated each other. 

Everyone was treated with respect, but there was also a light-hearted humor to the group. They openly gossiped about the staff, but in a friendly manner. At the first meeting she'd been to she'd been chatting with a group of people after the round table when one of them asked, "Have any of you met Oliver's brother Micah?" 

Some had some hadn't. 

"Good lord," the woman had continued as she fanned herself in a comical way. "Talk about sex on legs." 

Everyone laughed. It was openly acknowledged that most of the men associated with the farm were good looking, and many of the women even spoke openly about who made their heart pound. 

"We're not serious," her friend Sierra had assured her one night. "Most of the women here are happily married. It's just fun to bond over something silly like agreeing on how good looking a guy is." 

Lindsay was sure it was harmless, but she never told anyone that Oliver was her crush. She also didn't share the information he'd given her about his parents or ex-girlfriend, even though she knew some of the other women would be interested to hear it. She liked talking and bonding with her new friends, but she felt that his privacy was more important. 

She was happy when he called her and asked her to help him train his dog. He clearly needed some guidance where that was concerned, and even though he didn't have the spark of life about him that he used to, she was still excited by the idea of spending time with him. She met him at his house on the farm early one morning. 

She laughed when he told her the dog's name. "It suits her," she said. 

"Sorry about the state of the place," he said as he showed her through to the lounge room. "Lucas lives here." He said it as if that was all the explanation needed. 

It wasn't that messy, it was just decorated in a very simple way. In fact, it wasn't really decorated at all. Apart from two leather couches and a television on a table with a game system and messy stacks of video games under it, the only other things in the room were a set of old windows, one with an ornate stained glass inset. 

She sat down with him and explained some of the basics before they tried taking Rush out again. "There are a couple of things you need to understand about dogs. First, they understand social hierarchy. To them they are either the leader or the follower. There is no such thing as equals to dogs."

"Right. That's why you said I should try to replicate the alpha dog?" His warm brown eyes rested on hers as his eyebrows rose slightly in question. 

She nodded. "Yeah, good. The other thing is that dogs can read your emotions better than a person could. They won't follow a leader who they think is weak or unstable, and they will interpret sadness as weakness."

"Oh. So Rush thinks I'm weak, that's why she won't do what I tell her?"

She shrugged. "In essence. There might be some other misunderstandings going on between you two, but she doesn't trust you because she doesn't think you've got your shit together."

"Hm. Very perceptive of her." Oliver gave her a small grimace of a smile.

She felt bad for him and tried to soften her approach. "Obviously you can't help it if you feel sad, but you can still act like you know what you're doing. If you're good enough at pretending the dog will still accept you as her leader."

Oliver nodded and they went outside to practice with Rush. She showed him how to walk taller with his head held up high, but also keep his body relaxed so the dog wouldn't realize he was stressed. She taught him the range of small disciplinary measures he could use to keep the dog in line. He was a quick study, and they made good progress. 

They were walking up and down the rows of apple trees. The fall had finally set in and the apples hung heavily on the branches in the crisp morning air. 

"Do you have a dog?" He asked. 

"No."

"So how do you know all of this stuff?"

"I volunteered in an animal shelter when I was in high school, they had a pretty good program to teach you how to interact with the animals." 

"You like animals?" 

She smiled. That was an understatement. "Yeah, I have a weak spot for them."

"You work with horses right?" 

"Uh-huh. Best job in the world."

"Really? Why?" 

"It's rewarding. We do a lot of work with disabled people and kids who are from shitty backgrounds. It's fun to watch people come out of their shells when they work with the horses. It makes me feel good to help people like that."

Oliver was looking at her with the corners of his mouth turned up in a little smile. 

"What?" 

"Nothing. It's just that's how I feel about my job too." 

"I guess we're both lucky then."

"Mm."

"I wish mine paid better though."

Oliver laughed. 

They'd reached the top of a row and turned back to walk down the next one. The pond sparkled in the morning sun.

"Can I ask you a professional question?" She asked. 

"Sure." 

"I've lost almost 50 pounds in just under three months. All the people I know from before are always telling me that it's unhealthy to loose weight that quickly."

"Do these people have any medical training?" 

"No."

"Okay, well I guess you can trust me when I tell you that it's not unhealthy because I'm a doctor, but there's a better way to know. Do you feel unhealthy?"

"No. I feel great." That was also an understatement. Lindsay felt better than she could recall in her entire life.

He nodded. "Your body is actually pretty good at telling you when you're doing something wrong. Loosing fifty pounds in three months by snorting cocaine would be unhealthy, but you would feel like crap, so you would know it. If day in and day out you feel energetic, alert and pain-free without the use of stimulants or analgesics then you're probably pretty healthy."

"Okay."

"Has it been difficult?"

"To loose the weight? Yes and No."

She told him about her moments of weakness. How she had eaten an entire tub of ice cream one night and felt like a bus had hit her the next day. How she tried to remember that whenever she wanted to eat sweets. She told him about how she and Sierra had agreed to phone each other whenever they were having a moment of weakness and try to talk each other out of it. She didn't know why but she also told him about Karen and Sue and how disappointing it was when they abandoned her. 

The whole time he nodded and asked questions and acted as if it was interesting to him, even though she knew he must have heard a million sob stories like hers before. 

"Were you ever fat?" She asked him.

He shook his head. "Doesn't mean I haven't had my share of health problems though." 

He told her about the bouts of depression and anxiety he'd suffered through since he was a teenager. 

"Eating well helps a lot, but I still have a wire loose. My brain still flips out whenever something bad happens," he said. 

Lindsay knew it was absolutely preposterous, but knowing about his problem made her like him more. It wasn't just knowing that he had a problem, it was the way he openly admitted it. She liked that he knew he wasn't perfect, but more importantly, he didn't seem to think it was important that he be perfect. She suspected that the reason he had difficulties acting alpha with the dog was because he didn't normally assume that role in his life.

It hadn't seemed like they'd been walking all that long when his phone rang. She'd lost track of how many times they'd gone up and down the apple rows a while ago. 

"That's my alarm," he said. "Time to go home." 

They walked back up the gravel drive to the big, old farmhouse. Lindsay showed him how to make Rush wait at the door so Oliver would pass through first. 

"The leader always goes first," she reminded him. 

Once the dog was inside he turned back and leaned on the doorframe, his long, lean body taking up most of the doorway. 

"You know, at first I was pretending but by the end I really did feel more relaxed," he said.

She smiled. "Good. You're learning." 

"Maybe. Maybe it was just nice to talk to you." 

He smiled back at her and she thought she could feel her heart melting. Her gut ached with longing and her skin tingled.

"Same time next week?" He asked. 

She tried to keep the excitement out of her voice when she replied, "Sure, why not."

They made it a regular thing. Every Thursday morning she walked the apple rows with Oliver and Rush. The fruit ripened and was harvested, the leaves turned golden and fell. Fall turned into winter. They talked. Oliver was easy to talk to. He wasn't judgmental or snobbish the way you might expect someone who was so highly educated to be. He was humble. If he realized his own brilliance he didn't let it show.

He still wasn't brilliant with Rush, but they were getting there. By the time the snow started to fall she walked well on a leash, which was no small feat. 

One week in early December they got caught in a snowstorm that turned into a sleet storm. They ran back up to his house and he pushed her through the door ahead of him. 

Lucas was inside wearing a maroon sweat suit with the stanford logo in white on the front. He was wearing the hood pulled over his head. 

"Ah, tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber," he greeted them. "And tweedle dumbest," he said as he gave Rush a scratch behind the ears. "Tea anyone?" 

They eagerly agreed and she warmed her hands while Oliver went outside to get more wood for the piddly little fire burning in the living room fireplace. 

Within minutes they'd pulled one of the couches up close to the fireplace and were sitting in front of a raging fire. 

"Luka, isn't that my sweat suit?" Oliver asked.

"Yeah, I ran out of clean clothes again. Sorry Ol. I'm going to get over to Dad's place before the snow really starts coming down. I'll see you guys later." 

Oliver shook his head as Lucas waved and left. "You want some dry clothes?" He asked her. 

She did and she didn't. She wanted to be out of her cold wet clothes but she didn't want Oliver to see how well his clothes fit her. She was still overweight. The pounds were coming off slower and slower these days. 

She agreed to dry clothes and changed in Oliver's very neat, very cold bathroom. He'd given her a different hooded sweat suit, a dark blue one with a yellow logo of a bear. She looked in the mirror and was relieved to see that it looked way too big on her. The cuffs fell below her fingertips. 

She padded back out to the living room in the fresh woolen socks he'd given her to wear. He was sitting in front of the fire in dry clothes with his back to her and she had an overwhelming desire to run her fingers through his thick, wet hair. 

She sat down on the couch and picked up her tea from the floor. 

"I thought it would be a good idea to move in here," he said. 

She smiled. "Lucas isn't a good house mate?" 

"No it's not that. The most annoying thing about living with Lucas is his dishwasher 'system', which isn't really a system at all. I end up hand washing everything before I use it, but I can handle that. It's the house that gets me down."

"What do you mean? You told me you thought it was an old classic."

"Yeah, it was fine when the weather was nice but now it's wearing on me. I had great plans for fixing it up but I don't know where all my time goes. I've done exactly one home improvement since I moved in and that was to get the toilet by my room running again. It's probably going to freeze in there this winter and me along with it."

"You know my dad's a carpenter, right?" 

He looked up at her. "No." 

"I'm sure he'd be happy to come around and help you to get it a bit more livable." 

"Would you come with him?" 

Lindsay didn't know what to make of that question. The mood had suddenly changed. He was staring at her with an intensity that made her heart ache, the flicker of the fire illuminating his dark eyes. 

"If you want me to." She managed to say without her voice wavering. 

He nodded slowly and bit down on his lower lip. His eyes moved away from hers and settled on her mouth. 

She couldn't breathe. Her heart was beating so furiously she was sure Oliver could hear it. The heat of the fire prickled her skin. 

Oliver's eyes came back to hers. He leaned closer to her, hesitated for just a moment, and then kissed her. His soft lips moved over hers as her eyes faltered shut. His hand came to her neck and his thumb stroked over her jaw, sending sparks through her skin and warming her from the inside. He was so gentle but so sure in his movements. 

It was over way too soon. He rested his forehead on hers, his hand still cradling her neck.

"Sorry," he said quietly. "I feel like I rushed into that."

Lindsay breathed out and tried to regain her equilibrium, not an easy thing when Oliver was still so close. "That's okay," she whispered.

He shook his head as he moved away. "It's not okay. I'm in no state to be kissing you. You know how messed up I am right now."

She did know that Oliver was still hurting from his previous relationship but she desperately wanted to believe that wouldn't be a problem. 

His phone rang. "Shit," he said. 

She knew it was the alarm that told him it was time to get ready for work. 

"Don't worry about it Oliver," she said. "I'll go now. I'll bring my dad around on the weekend to have a look at the house."

He nodded. 

She got up and put her shoes on. When she turned to say goodbye he had already left the room.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 09



Oliver didn't know what he was doing. His attraction to Lindsay had caught him completely off guard. He was still thinking of Sylvia whenever his mind wandered, so he didn't know what his body was doing when it urged him towards another woman.

Sometimes he imagined what would happen if Sylvie showed up and wanted to get back together. He pictured her waiting for him on the doorstep, her eyes red and sorrowful, her black hair in a tangled ponytail. He didn't know what he would do. 

One part of him still craved her. In his dreams they were still together. Sometimes when he woke it took him a second to remember what had happened. 

Another part of him was angry with her. She had taken six years from him and hadn't even given him the chance to fight for their relationship when it was on the line. He had known that things weren't as exciting as they were in the first years, but he'd had no idea they were as bad as they must have been. If she had just told him earlier he might have been able to save them. 

Each time he imagined Sylvie's return he said or did something different. Sometimes he yelled at her and sent her packing. Sometimes he calmly told her that he needed time to think. Most of the time he took her delicate little body in his arms and they drowned their sadness in bed together, renewing their bond with fresh promises. 

Lately there had sometimes been a third person in his scenarios -- Lindsay. 

In these fantasies it was a Thursday morning that Sylvie showed up on his doorstep and he and Lindsay were returning from their walk. Rush was behaving perfectly, which is how he knew the scene was in his imagination. 

So far he'd imagined a few different outcomes to this scenario. Often Sylvie would be jealous and her pleas would be more desperate. Sometimes she just turned around and left without putting up a fight and he'd rush after her. In one scenario he'd kissed Lindsay, but it was only to make Sylvie feel bad. It always ended in the same way, with Sylvie in bed with him promising to make things right. 

He didn't know why Lindsay was sometimes a character in his imagination. He thought perhaps it was because she was beautiful enough that she would make Sylvie jealous. 

Every week Lindsay got more beautiful. Part of it was her body. As she shed the pounds he could start to see what an amazing figure she was going to have once she reached her ideal weight. She was tall, in a proportionate way. Her legs seemed to be exactly the right length relative to her torso and her neck was long enough to give her an air of gracefulness. It was hard to tell because she usually wore baggy t-shirts, but he thought her breasts were full without being large. 

But her beauty was more than just a nice figure. She had the most amazing smile, the sort of smile you found on movie stars. When she was smiling her mouth seemed to take up most of her face, and her round brown eyes shone with the sort of optimism that he found contagious. Maybe that's why he felt attracted to her -- her joy tended to rub off on him when he was with her. Even for a few hours afterwards he'd usually find himself in a good mood. 

But he wasn't in a good mood after he accidentally kissed her. He felt like shit. Lindsay was his friend. She was a nice girl. What was he doing kissing her when he was still in love with Sylvie? 

He was afraid he might have ruined their friendship. He liked hanging out with her and she was good to talk to, but it ended there. He had no intention of starting a relationship with her. He didn't have intentions of starting another relationship for a long time. He didn't know what he could say to make things go back to normal. 

He thought about what to say all day on Thursday. Obviously he needed to call her and explain that the kiss was a mistake, but the words eluded him. 

On Friday he had a scheduled triple bypass, which took most of the day. He was barely out of his scrubs when he was called back into the operating theatre for emergency surgery. He didn't get home until well after midnight. 

Lindsay passed across his thoughts as he was brushing his teeth and it made his heart sink. Great. Not only was he an ass for kissing her, he was being a dick by not calling her afterwards. 

On Saturday morning he dropped by the hospital to check on the patients he'd performed surgery on the previous day. It took a while. When he was done he turned his phone back on and saw that he'd missed a call from Lindsay. It had been almost two hours since she'd called. 

He called her back immediately, without even thinking of what he should say. 

"Hi," she answered. 

"Hey, sorry I missed your call. I've been at work."

"That's okay," she said in an upbeat way. "I was just calling to see if you still want me to bring my dad around to look at the house?" 

"Yeah I do, but can I talk to you first?" He definitely didn't want her dad around while he tried to explain that he wasn't interested in dating her. 

"Sure. What's up? 

"Ah... Maybe in person?" He probably owed her that. 

"Okay. When?" 

"How about now?" 

"Um... Okay."

"She gave him an address and he went straight there. It was the intersection of two rural roads north of Denver. She was sitting on top of a horse waiting for him. 

Once he'd pulled over she steered the horse towards him. She dismounted next to him, her long legs making the leap to the ground gracefully. 

She was wearing riding clothes. High boots over tight brown pants with some sort of close-fitting all-weather jacket and a bucket helmet. Her thick brown hair was in a single braid that extended half way down her back. 

Oliver hadn't seen her in form-fitting clothes before and he noticed that his assessment of her body was spot on. She was perfectly proportioned, including her breasts, which made enticing mounds under her riding jacket without being so big as to appear heavy. 

The big chestnut horse snorted and faltered beside her, pulling on the reigns she held. The cold air frosted on its breath. 

"Is this Maggie?" He asked. 

"No, this is King. What's up? You seem upset."

When she said it he realized he was upset. "I just, um..."

Lindsay watched him steadily. 

He took a deep breath. "I like hanging out with you and I think you're very beautiful, but what happened the other day was a mistake."

She shrugged. "Okay."

"Really?" 

She smiled. "It's no big deal Oliver. It was cold. The fire was warm. We kissed. It was nice. Shall we leave it at that?"

He was so relieved he found himself smiling back as he nodded. It had been nice, before he'd started attaching all sort of meaning to it. 

He'd been complaining about the house and suddenly he'd needed to be closer to her. Lindsay had been warm and receptive and for a moment he forgot about how fucked up his life was. She had described it perfectly -- it was nice. 

She brought her dad around later that day and acted as if the kiss had never happened. 

"It's a gorgeous old house," her dad Spencer said. "It'd be a shame to just patch it up. I'd be happy to help you renovate it... Free of charge of course." 

It was a really generous offer but he couldn't accept it. It wasn't his house. Along with everything else on the property, it belonged to Grace and Nicholas. 

As they walked through the house Spencer knocked on walls and stomped lightly on different parts of the floor. 

"We could pull this wall down," he said as he knocked on the wall between the kitchen and lounge room. "Open up the living area."

In the kitchen he swept his hand across the wall to the exterior. "We could turn this into a picture window to take in the view of the orchard and pond. Maybe put in a bar so you could pass food out directly to the deck."

Despite his reservations, Oliver started to get excited by the idea of giving the house a proper renovation. 

"The floorboards are nice," Spencer commented. "They'll come up nicely with a scrub and polish."

"This needs to be torn down," he said when they went out to the deck. "But we could rebuild it with a bigger entertaining area and stairs that went down into the garden."

"Let me talk to my sister," Oliver told him. "She's the one who owns it."

Grace seemed happy for Oliver to do whatever we wanted with the house and Nicholas agreed. "Knock yourself out Ol," he said. "Just so long as you don't turf Luka out. I don't want him knocking at our door looking for a warm bed."

Spencer came around the next day with insulation batts for the ceiling and they came up with a plan of what to do and in what order. They would seal off the front half of the house through the winter and that's where Oliver and Lucas would live while they were working on the back half of the house through the winter. Once spring arrived they would tackle the roof, the deck, the kitchen, then the front of the house. 

They would keep the layout basically the same and try to preserve its character, but open up the floorplan to make it feel more spacious and inviting. 

They got to work right away. It made Oliver feel good to work with his hands. He liked the idea that they would breathe some life back into the old house. 

Spencer was easy to work with. He was good humored and energetic and he didn't mind that Oliver didn't really know what he was doing. 

"I'm really glad you're letting me help you out with this," he said once as they were driving his truck back from the hardware store. "I owe you a lot more than I'll ever be able to repay."

Actually, seeing how healthy Spencer was was all the repayment that Oliver needed. 

Sometimes Lindsay came around with her dad to help. She knew her was around a toolbox pretty well. She never said anything about the kiss and it was starting to fade from his awareness until he saw her at the farm's Christmas party. 

He could tell that Grace and Ellia had had a good time organizing the party this year. They had it up at the lodge and he couldn't remember a more lavish affair. The log support columns were decorated with spirals of fresh pine boughs interlaced with sprigs of shiny red holly berries and tiny sparkling lights. More pine boughs and white flowers were suspended from the dark wood of the ceiling beams. 

The fireplace whooshed and popped every now and then, the perfect accompaniment to the Christmas music played by the string quartet. 

An enormous Christmas tree was decorated with hundreds of colorful birds made of feathers and sparkling glass, which nestled among shining silver baubles. The deck was softly illuminated by thousands of little fairy lights which shone from the dozen or so cut spruces dotted around. 

Everyone was dressed up. Although his family generally tended to keep things pretty informal, they liked to give people a chance to feel glamorous. Most people they treated lost weight on the program and they seemed to enjoy the opportunity to wear nice clothes. 

He was talking with Adrian when Lindsay arrived with her dad, although Oliver was facing away from the front door so he wasn't immediately aware of what, or who, had made Adrian stop talking mid-sentence. 

"Wow. Lindsay is looking good," Adrian said.

Oliver turned as she was handing her father her winter coat and was treated to a view of her back. 

The back is not ordinarily considered an erotic part of the body, but Lindsay's back was the sexiest thing Oliver had seen in a long time. She was wearing a long, deep red satin dress which instead of a back had thick red ribbons that criss-crossed down to the small of her back. Oliver could see her shoulder blades and the line of her spine which disappeared enticingly under the shiny red fabric swishing over her butt. 

Oliver lost his train of thought. 

"Hm. I'd better go and welcome her," said Adrian as he left Oliver standing dumbly in the middle of the room. 

Oliver watched as Adrian greeted Lindsay and Spencer. She turned and he saw that the front of her dress was very conservative. Thick swaths of fabric covered her breasts entirely and it was cut so as to move around her body rather than cling to it. Her hair was pulled back into a large, smooth bun at the nape of her neck. She smiled warmly at Adrian and accepted his outstretched elbow with a laugh. 

He led her down the stairs and half way across the room before stopping abruptly and turning to her. He gave her one of his wicked grins before pointing up to the ceiling above them. That sneaky bastard. He'd steered her directly under the mistletoe. Lindsay laughed again and gave Adrian two kisses, one on each cheek. 

It was at that point that Oliver remembered kissing her, or to be precise, he recalled the feeling he'd gotten while kissing her. The moment in which he'd felt freed from all the shitty things in his life. 

Oliver's observations were then interrupted by Simon and Gretchen who wanted to give him the good news that they were expecting a baby. Gretchen was overcome with emotion, her eyes teared as she told him that they had tried for years to become pregnant but had no luck, even though they'd seen fertility specialists. 

"They always told me to loose weight," she said. "But they never told me how. I felt like such a failure before I came here."

They asked if he could recommend an obstetrician and he wrote out Sylvia's contact information. Even if she couldn't be trusted as a girlfriend, Sylvie was the best there was when it came to obstetrics. 

"If she says she's not taking on new patients tell her I sent you," he told them. He assumed that would still mean something to her. 

Giving that referral put a dampner on the event. He circulated and smiled and gave season's greetings but he didn't feel again the magic of the party the way he had earlier in the evening. 

When he saw Lindsay he smiled and they chatted for a few minutes but he still had Sylvie on his mind. He wasn't able to see her with the innocent eyes he'd had at the beginning of the night. 

"Do you want to walk this week?" She asked. Christmas day fell on a Thursday this year -- the day she helped him with Rush. 

"Sure, unless you want to sit it out?" 

"No, I'll be there at the usual time."

Christmas morning was bitingly cold. Oliver had been unable to shake the shadow of sadness that had settled over him since the Christmas party a few days earlier. His work schedule always slowed over the holidays because nobody wanted elective surgery at that time of year, making putting up with himself all the more difficult. 

It was still dark outside when Lindsay showed up. He let her inside and she gave him a present wrapped in brown paper. 

"Sorry Lindsay," he said. "I didn't get you anything." 

She shook her head. "It's for Rush."

It was a bright red dog jacket made out of heavy-duty rain jacket material. 

"I made the fleece lining detachable, so it can be for rain or cold weather." She showed him how the fleece came away with big, silver snaps. 

"You made this?" He asked, surprised by the flawlessness of it. 

"Yeah. I like to sew. My mom taught me when I was a kid." 

He put the jacket on Rush and they went outside to walk. Their feet crunched on the icy ground as the dawn sky lightened to grey. The snow they'd had earlier in the season had mostly melted away, all that remained was dirty patches on the north side of the apple tree trunks. The bare branches stood desolate, like the old bones of happier times. 

Lindsay seemed to be in just as pensive mood as he was. She was being uncharacteristically quiet. 

"Are you okay?" He asked. 

She sighed. "Yeah, I just always miss my mom on Christmas. It was her favorite time of year."

He didn't really know how to respond, so he just kept on walking.

"She would have loved the party the other night," she continued. "All those decorations, the music and everyone wearing beautiful clothes... It would have been right up her alley."

"My mom loved Christmas too," Oliver said. 

"How did she die?"

"Car accident. Yours?" 

"Cancer. It was your garden variety death, but that didn't make it any easier."

Oliver didn't know why, but he admitted, "I was there."

"In the car?" 

His heart was beating at a million miles an hour. He'd never told anyone this before. "No, I was following behind. We were caravanning up to the lake. I saw the car that crossed the median strip and took them out."

He shivered involuntarily as the noise of that moment pierced his memory, the screech of tires and crunch of metal.

"I pulled over and ran back to their car, or what was left of their car."

He looked at Lindsay, peering up at him with wide brown eyes. She gave a small, slow nod. He breathed out heavily as he turned his eyes back to the trail, pure ice fogging the air. 

"There was blood everywhere. I didn't know what to do first. I have all this medical training and I didn't know what to do. There was no room to work on them both at once. 

"I went to the passenger side, where my mom was, and there was just blood everywhere. You have no idea how much blood there is in the human body until you've seen it all over the floor."

He shook his head. "There was nothing I could do for her. There was a piece of metal piercing through half of her abdomen. I tried to pull it out, but it had gone all the way through her seat."

"She was still conscious. She recognized me. She told me to go and help my dad."

His footsteps faltered on the cold, bare dirt. Lindsay gently pulled Rush's lead out o his hand. He stopped trying to walk. 

"I left her. I left my mother to die alone in what must have been the most tremendous pain."

Oliver realized that he was crying. The skin on his cheeks tingled as his tears frosted. 

"My dad wasn't in much better shape. The car door had folded in on his legs so I couldn't even see half of his injuries. He kept on asking me about my mom and telling me to go to her. Finally I told him I couldn't save her. The look in his eyes... I can't bear to think of the look in his eyes when I told him that."

Oliver tried to swallow the knot of pain in his throat.

"He was searching for her hand. She was probably already dead, but I leaned over him and put her hand in his. He whispered her name, then he closed his eyes and that was it."

"She was pronounced dead on the scene. Dad managed to hold on for a few more hours, but he never regained consciousness."

Oliver let his chin rest on Lindsay's head as he sniffed and choked in the cold air. He didn't know at what point she had started to hug him. He pulled her closer to his chest and she squeezed him in return.

He had no idea how long they stood like that. 

The morning sky shifted from grey to powder blue. 

He could feel Lindsay breathing steadily in their embrace.

He felt like his heart had been ripped from him. 

Finally he said, "Can I make you breakfast?" 

Lindsay nodded and they walked slowly up to the house. 

"Where's Lucas?" she asked.

"Probably already at whoever's house he's decided to grace this morning. My guess would be Grace and Nicholas' place. 

He made her pancakes with spelt flour, rolled oats and ground flax seeds with hot blueberry sauce and soy yoghurt. It was good that she didn't complain that it tasted too healthy.

As they were eating he apologized for springing that story on her. 

"That's okay," she replied. "You don't need to apologize." 

"The worst part was the look on my dad's face when I told him about mom. I wish I could take that back. And... well obviously I wish I would have stayed with my mother longer. Maybe given her some comfort... You know I didn't even think to tell her that I loved her."

Lindsay took a sip of her tea before she said, "You know, it sucks to watch your mom die slowly, but there are advantages too."

"You get to say goodbye?" 

"Yeah but the person dying gets the chance to say whatever they want. I remember when my mom went into hospice care. She told me that she wanted me to forget about the entire last year of her life."




8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 09



She shook her head. "Of course that's not possible. You can't forget something just because you want to or because someone else wants you to. But my mom was adamant. We sat down together and went through all of our photo albums. We picked out our favorite memories and had the photos printed, then took her to a framing shop and she chose the frames for them. They're still hanging around my apartment."

"So when you think of her its not of the bad times?" He asked.

"Mm... I think her point was more profound though. I think she was trying to remind me that the way she died wasn't who she was. She was a child, a teenager, a bride, a mother and a lot of other things that were much more important than the fact that at the end she was a cancer victim."

Oliver could see what she was trying to say. He shouldn't put so much emphasis on what happened immediately before his parents died.

"It's stuck in my head," he admitted. "I can't think about them without remembering their last moments." 

Lindsay leaned over the rickety little kitchen table and squeezed his hand. "It's natural... but it's not representative. It's not who they were." 

Oliver looked away from her and out the little kitchen window. The first rays of sunshine were streaming over the horizon. His dad had always been a morning person. 

"Do you want to see some photos of them?" He asked. 

Lindsay replied, "Only if you want to show them."

He did want to. He didn't know if he'd be able to handle more than just one or two, but after trying so hard not to think about them for so long he kind of craved seeing them. 

He fetched his computer from his room and they sat on one of the couches together and looked at old photographs. It was a relief. 

Rush curled up on his feet and Lindsay leaned into his side. He told her the stories behind the photos as he flipped through the albums. 

His phone rang.

"You're working today?" Lindsay asked. 

"I'm on call," he replied, but he knew from the ring tone that it wasn't work. He fished his phone out of his pocket. "It's just Tyler."

"Are you coming around?" Tyler asked.

"Yeah. I just finished breakfast." 

"It's almost eleven." 

Oliver was shocked. He didn't usually loose track of time like that. He and Lindsay must have been sitting together for hours. 

"Okay, I'm on my way." 

At the front door he hugged Lindsay goodbye, then he showered and went over to Grace and Nicholas' house. 

Everyone was there and in a festive mood. For the first time in ages he felt he could relax and enjoy himself. He wasn't scared the memory of the accident would spring on him when someone mentioned his parents. 

He'd brought Rush with him and Tyler was impressed with the progress he'd made with her. "I knew you had it in you Ol," he said. 

"It wasn't so much me as it was Lindsay teaching me," he admitted. 

"Lindsay? The lady in red? It's only a matter of time before some guy snaps her up." Tyler nudged him with his elbow. 

Oliver shook his head. "The timing's all wrong." 

Tyler shrugged. "Don't tell me I didn't warn you."

Rush was wearing the little red fleece jacket that Lindsay had made her. Oliver found a kid's sized santa hat that just about matched it and made her sit in front of the Christmas tree with it on. He snapped a photo and texted it to Lindsay. "Merry Christmas," he wrote. "I hope you're having a good day." 

She had told him that she was having Christmas with her dad and a bunch of his 'old codger' friends. He smiled as he thought of her charming the socks off the old guys, making their day with her warm smile and sparkling eyes. 

"Hahaha. Very cute. Merry Christmas to you too." She texted back. 

He wrote, "Want to help me paint tomorrow?" But he didn't send it right away. 

He saw Lindsay every Thursday morning, when she coached him on how to lead Rush, but apart from that the only times he saw her was if she came around with her dad, or if he ran into her by accident on the farm. 

He wondered if it would seem like a date to her. He didn't know how he felt about that. 

There was something about Lindsay that drew him to her. It was more than the fact that she was good looking. He liked the feeling he got when they were hanging out -- that warm haze of calm optimism that followed her around.

But he couldn't start anything with Lindsay when he was still so caught up on Sylvia. Sylvie still haunted his dreams and occasionally he still fantasized about getting back together with her. 

Finally, he pressed send. Maybe it would seem like a date, maybe not. He'd just wait and see how it panned out. 

A moment later she replied, "Sure. Be there around 10. Gotta ride first." 

He hoped she would wear her riding clothes.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 10



Sylvia held her breath as she waited for her pee to soak the litmus strip. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

She breathed deeply as she walked out of the bathroom, trying to calm herself down. It was no big deal. She just needed a prescription. She could deal with this. 

Despite her best efforts to hold it together, as soon as she sat down on the couch she started shaking and sobbing. The very last thing in the world she needed right now was to be carrying Paul's bastard child. 

It had been a while since she started to suspect that she had made a colossal error in judgment by leaving Oliver. Part of it was the emptiness she felt without him, the other part was how wrong she'd been about Paul. 

She could see now that what she had felt for Paul wasn't love, it was infatuation. The authority he held had blinded her. She respected him as a doctor and she had been excited by the way a sea of people seemed to part for him at the hospital. She knew now that people didn't get out of his way out of respect, they did it out of fear. 

He was a bad-tempered old asshole. The self-confidence that had attracted her to him turned out to be arrogance. He had an unwillingness to compromise in any situation, ever. 

She realized now that the reassurance Oliver so often asked of her wasn't a sign of weakness so much as it was him giving her an opportunity to influence his decisions. God she missed him. 

She used the back of her pajama sleeve to wipe her eyes. She was going to have to call Paul. She couldn't write a prescription for herself and she sure as hell wasn't going to ask any of her friends for it. She could go to a health clinic but why should she have to do that? Paul was just going to have to deal with it. 

This was his fault anyway. 

She couldn't believe she had let it happen. She was on the pill, but had been on a course of antibiotics for a sinus infection. She had told Paul that he needed to use a condom but in typical Paul style he'd refused. 

"You just started your cycle, it'll be fine," he'd said. 

"Please just put it on," she'd asked, exasperated. 

"God Sylvia, did you get your degree out of a crackerjack box? You're 33 years old and you only just started your cycle. Your chances of conception are slim to none."

She didn't have the energy to fight with him about it.

She didn't have energy for anything much recently. 

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and called Paul. 

"Sylvia." He answered.

"Paul. I need a prescription for mifepristone."

He was silent for a moment. "I'll leave it in your inbox this morning."

"Thank you."

"I assume you know how to use it?"

She thought she could feel her blood boil. She gritted her teeth. "Yes."

He hung up on her. 

Sylvia took a shower. She needed to get ready for work. The hot water flowed over her and helped to calm her twisting stomach. She thought about what she was going to say to Oliver. 

It wasn't even a question in her mind as to whether or not she should try to go back to him. She loved him. She knew that now. Love wasn't always exciting, but it was reliable and real and lasting. Love was where she wanted to be. 

She didn't think Oliver would be 100% opposed to getting back together. He still referred his patients to her, so he must not think too lowly of her. He had already referred two patients to her this year and it was only February. It would definitely take some groveling on her part, and lots of promises, that she had every intention of keeping. She would leave her job. She would do anything he asked of her. 

She had to do it in person. He had to look into her eyes and realize that she meant it when she said she was sorry. She meant it when she told him he was the love of her life. 

The prescription was in her inbox, just as Paul had instructed. She got it filled and took the course. She didn't even think twice about it. She wanted children, but not Paul's children. She wanted Oliver's children. She had a bit of a rough time for a day as she miscarried, but it was nothing she couldn't deal with. 

She was still trying to figure out how to approach Oliver when she got news that made her feel like perhaps the universe was looking out for her. She heard it from a friend whose wife was a nurse in the cardiac ward at Saint Andrew's, where Oliver worked. 

Oliver had been temporarily suspended. 

It took her a while to process the information because it was so far outside of her expectations that she couldn't believe it was true. Oliver was the most diligent and talented surgeon she knew. They'd been through medical school together and he was always the top of their classes. He'd been awarded one of the country's most prestigious fellowships and completed it almost a full year ahead of schedule because all of his mentors believed in him so thoroughly. She couldn't understand why he had been suspended. 

She pressed her friend for details. It was a pediatric patient that he'd worked on pro bono. The kid had died and his parents had ordered an inquiry.

Oliver had let his generosity get the better of him. He often worked pro bono. It was part of his moral code. He thought he needed to help people less fortunate than himself. He must have taken on a kid with a congenital defect who nobody else would do for free. Pediatrics wasn't his specialty but it wasn't like he was inexperienced at it. 

She knew now was the time to make her move. Oliver would be devastated and it would take a few days for the inquiry to run its course. He would most likely be a wreck waiting for the results to come in. She could offer support and a shoulder to cry on. As much as she hated to take advantage of him when he was in such a shitty situation, she could see that a better opportunity would probably never arise.

She didn't know where he lived and he wouldn't be going to work so she wasn't sure how to find him. She was going to have to ask one of his family. She thought through all of the possibilities. Definitely not Matthew and she didn't know where Micah lived anyway. Zach would probably spit in her face. Grace was a no-no too. Nicholas would probably just stare at her until she backed away. Tyler was a real candidate, but Lucas was her best shot. Lucas couldn't be mean to anyone, ever. He just didn't have it in him. 

She decided to go out to Lucas' house early the next morning to ask for Oliver's new address and couldn't believe her luck when she got there. There, parked in the dirt beside Lucas' old blue Volvo was Oliver's Subaru. The universe was looking out for her. There was also an old red pickup that she didn't recognize, which she assumed must also belong to Lucas. 

She pushed through the rickety old gate and went up the squeaky stairs to the front porch. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She went over what she was going to say as she waited for someone to answer, but nobody did. It was 7 am on a Thursday morning. They were probably out exercising. Oliver didn't swim much anymore but he was usually up and out the door before dawn running or biking or working out at the gym. She sat on the front stairs and waited for him. 

It wasn't long before she heard voices. She stood and craned her neck to see. It was Oliver, but he wasn't with Lucas as she had assumed he'd be, he was with a woman; a tall, shapely, beautiful woman. Her thick brown hair swished in her pony tail as she walked. She said something that made Oliver laugh and he commented back causing her to throw her head back and exclaim "As if!" while she laughed. They looked at each other as they laughed and smiled. 

It made Sylvia feel sick. She hadn't even considered the possibility that he might have a new girlfriend. 

She didn't notice that he was walking a dog until the mangy little mutt spotted her and started barking. 

She took an unsteady step backwards. 

Oliver looked up and saw her for the first time and she wasn't sure what emotions she saw register in his eyes. Surprise, for sure, she'd definitely caught him by surprise, but apart from that it was hard to tell. She hoped he was happy to see her. 

The dog kept on barking until he finally gave its leash a quick tug and it shut up. 

He pushed the gate open and came into the yard, the dog just a step behind him. It wasn't barking anymore but it still had its beady little eyes fixed on her. 

Sylvia took another step backwards and ended up with her butt pressed against the front door.

The woman Oliver had been laughing with hesitated at the gate. 

"Sylvia," he said. "What are you doing here?" 

She didn't know what to say. All of the words she had planned were based around the idea that he'd be alone and feeling very sad and vulnerable. He looked anything but sad. If she didn't know better she would have thought he'd just gotten a promotion rather than a suspension. 

"I came to see you. I heard about your suspension and wanted to make sure you are okay."

He stared at her hard. "Yes, I'm okay. Thank you." 

She knew it was her turn to speak but she was having difficulty putting words together. "Um... I was hoping I'd be able to talk to you?" 

"Sure. Go ahead."

She swallowed hard. "Alone?" 

Oliver stared at her for a moment longer before he turned back to the woman at the gate. "Lindsay, sorry."

Lindsay shook her pretty head and smiled up at him in a restrained way. 

"Do you mind taking Rush with you?"

She held her hand out for the leash and the dog happily went to her. "See you later," she said. She went to the red truck, loaded the dog into the back, got into the drivers seat and drove away. 

Sylvia let out a deep breath. "Was that your dog?"

"Yes. Do you want to come inside?"

Sylvia nodded and moved out of the way so he could open the front door. 

He brushed past her and she felt a longing for him that went deep to her core. She missed Oliver and she missed his body; his young, hard, muscular body. She missed the way he used to make love to her, not necessarily gently, but always with tenderness and respect. She missed his soft words whispered into her neck when she'd crawl into bed with him late after a delivery. She missed waking with his erection pressed into her flesh. She missed his erections, period. 

She couldn't imagine how she could have felt bored when she had unlimited access to him, because now the very sight of him was making her feel excited. 

She took another deep breath before she entered the house behind him. She had a little glimmer of hope. Sylvia had a deep, unsettling fear of dogs; if Oliver had wanted her to feel uncomfortable he would have brought the dog inside with him, but he didn't. He sent the dog away with the mystery woman. Oliver must still have a little slice of love left for her. Perhaps she could access it and build on it and they could have a second chance.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 11



Lindsay was depressed about Oliver's ex suddenly showing up on his doorstep. Things had been going so well with him that she had started to hope that something might happen between them. 

It had been almost two months since he had opened up to her on Christmas morning and in that time they had grown closer and closer until it felt totally natural to get a text message or a call from him asking her if she wanted to work on his house with him.

Nothing could compare to her time with Oliver. When they were together they laughed a lot. As the weeks passed he grew more lighthearted and jovial. He teased her about how good she was with her dad's tools, and he teased himself for how useless he was with them. 

They also had serious conversations. Sometimes he would tell her about something that had happened at work that had bothered him, or some argument with one of his family that had upset him.

Lindsay didn't really know what to tell him. She had always dreamed of having siblings but the fertility gods had not been so generous with her parents as they were with Oliver's.

She was pretty sure she was the first person he'd called when he was suspended from his job. He'd come over to the stables and told her what had happened. 

"Usually this sort of thing would really bother me - I'd totally flip out - but I actually feel okay," he'd said.

Then he'd asked her to put him to work.

"Shoveling manure or whatever, I don't care, I just need something to do."

She'd put him in the ring with Maggie to get him used to being beside a horse and she was amazed by how quickly he picked up on how to interact with her.

Working with horses requires the ability to master one's own emotions. Horses are even more in tune with emotions than dogs are. To get a horse to trust you you can't just pretend to be calm and even keeled, you need to feel those things.

Oliver won Maggie's trust in under ten minutes. Maggie was a human-loving horse so it wasn't completely out of left field that he'd been able to connect with her, she was just impressed by how quickly he'd picked it up given that he'd just been suspended from the job that he so obviously loved.

That had been yesterday and she'd had a couple of kids from the Laurence Foundation around at the stables for therapy. She'd had Oliver tag along with Jake, one of the stable hands, raking out stalls and feeding mouths while she worked with the kids, then she found him and took him up to her little apartment above the office for lunch.

He'd been asking all sorts of questions about the work she did with the Laurence Foundation, helping underprivileged kids with emotional problems. 

"It is pretty heart breaking what some of these kids have been through," she'd told him. "I wish I could do more for them. Sometimes I think if I earned more money I could move into a bigger place, work less and become a foster parent."

She was a little embarrassed by divulging such a ridiculous, idyllic dream. When she looked up from her empty soup bowl Oliver was gazing at her with a small smile on his lips.

"I don't know anything about parenting," she added. "But I can do safe and I can do caring and stable."

Oliver still didn't say anything, he just nodded.

She shook her head. "It's probably a stupid idea..."

"No," he cut in. "I don't think it's a stupid idea at all." He reached across the table and interlaced his fingers with hers. "I think it's a good idea." 

He used his thumb to rub up and down the side of her hand, causing her heartbeat to accelerate and a strange warmth to bloom deep in her belly. He stared steadily into her eyes as his eyebrows rose just a little.

She squeezed his hand in reply, and he leaned closer to her. She helped to close the the gap between them, and then, of course, there was a knock on her door. 

She let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "I could pretend I'm not here," she whispered, her face just a few inches from his.

Oliver smiled.

There was another knock. "Lindsay? Gary from Carrington is on the phone."

She groaned.

"Important?"

She nodded. "I've been waiting for this call for a week."

He squeezed her hand. "You should take it. I should go anyway. I'll see you in the morning?"

And so their moment had been irreparably broken, perhaps never to be repeated.

She sighed as she dropped the tail gate of her truck to let Rush out. 

It had been too good to be true. Lindsay was still way fatter than Sylvia, or any of the other women in Oliver's life. At the moment she wore a size 10 and was well within the normal range of Grace's graph, but she still felt like she had a long way to go before she reached her ideal weight. She still had blubber on her belly and thighs. She could probably fit three Sylvias in just one of her pant legs. 

And her education and career... well there was no way she could compete with Sylvia on that front. Lindsay hadn't even gone to university. She'd completed a diploma at her local community college with the intention of transferring credits and doing a proper degree, but when the time came her job at the stables was advancing so quickly, and her mom and dad didn't have any money spare to help her along so she'd postponed it. She'd postponed it until it was just a distant thought. 

She should just accept it. Sylvia was all of the things that Lindsay wasn't; all of the things that Oliver was looking for in a long-term relationship. Lindsay was just a fling, just a rebound girl. In five years time they would look back on this period and Sylvia would ask, "What was that girl's name who you hung out with while we had a break?" and Oliver would squint his eyes and say, "Oh yeah, the fatty with the horses... Lesley? No, Lucy? You know I can't remember." They would laugh and get on with whatever it was that two doctors did together. 

They may even be getting along with what they did together right now.

She decided to take Corrina, a rescue horse she'd picked up cheap at a state auction, out for a trail ride. 

Corrina was doing great. Lindsay had paired her with Faith, a 12 year old who had been sexually abused by members of her own family, and it was a match made in heaven. Despite her name, Faith had absolutely no trust in any other human being. Corrina was basically a good, steady horse but had suffered neglect and abuse at the hands of her previous owner, making her skittish and quick to bolt. 

When Lindsay had introduced them the first time she had made sure to tell Faith what had happened to Corrina, how she had been found malnourished and dehydrated in a filthy stall with whip marks on her face and hind quarters. 

"She doesn't trust anyone," Lindsay had told her. "If you want her to trust you you'll have to use everything you've learned from the other horses and have a lot of patience." 

Faith had peered up at her with wide eyes and nodded solemnly. 

From the moment that Faith stepped into the ring Lindsay had known something had changed inside her. She moved with such clam purpose. It was only minutes before Corrina was standing beside her, letting Faith stroke her neck. The two had formed such a bond that Lindsay knew there was no way she could sell Corrina on. 

At the stables they made money three ways. They bought, trained and sold horses for profit, they taught children, and sometimes adults, how to ride, and they boarded rich people's horses. If she wasn't going to sell Corrina, the horse was going to have to earn her keep as a lesson horse. Lindsay wanted to take her out to assess where she was under saddle and where she could possibly go in the future. And, to be honest, Lindsay wanted to get out into the fresh air herself. 

Since she had lost weight Lindsay had ridden more and more and she loved it. There was nothing like being in the saddle. 

It was the dead of winter in the foothills. There was snow banked on either side of the slick trail and the trees and shrubs were all covered in white. The only noises were those of the horse, and occasionally the dog. She had brought Rush with her and every now and then she would look behind her to make sure the little bitch was still following the trail behind them. 

Rush was a good dog. She was smart enough to learn commands easily, but not so smart as to be a danger to herself. Lindsay had brought her out trail riding a few times since Oliver sometimes asked her to look after her. After just a few corrections, she always followed behind quietly, happy to be outdoors. 

The accident happened so quickly that Lindsay didn't have time to try and control both animals at once. A sudden rustle in a bush in front of them spooked Corrina and caused her to rise on her haunches and try to turn. Lindsay moved into the turn with her to let her regain her footing on the rocky trail, but Rush was back there. 

The horse saw the dog and flipped out. She whinnied and faltered on her rear legs, lost her footing and came crashing down on her side, pinning Lindsay's right leg under her. A sharp pain ripped through her leg for a moment as Corrina snorted and slipped and rocked and scrambled to her feet. Lindsay held onto the reins and squeezed the saddle beneath her, knowing full well that she would bolt once upright.

There was a high-pitched growl from the bush down the trail and Rush rushed toward it, barking insanely. 

"Rush! No!" She commanded, but it was too late. Rush had put herself between the horse and the mountain lion. 

Corrina took off back down the trail. Lindsay screamed over her shoulder at Rush as she tried to get the horse under control, loosing sight of her as Corrina took her around a corner at lightning speed. 

It took a few hundred meters to get Corrina to settle. When she finally slowed Lindsay turned her around and led her back up the trail, yelling for Rush as they made their way back to the bush. She was afraid of what she would find. 

They were almost all the way back to the bush when Lindsay spotted Rush jogging towards them on the trail. Her tongue lolled out the side of her mouth and she had a look of smug satisfaction on her doggy face. 

Lindsay dismounted to check both animals over and noticed that her right leg wasn't working as well as it should, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. Rush's ear was ripped and bleeding, but not badly. Corrina seemed fine. She remounted and turned them towards home. 

It was not a fun trip back. Lindsay didn't feel well, probably as a result of the stress of Oliver's ex showing up and then having a riding accident. They were about twenty minutes away from the stables but Lindsay didn't want to push either animal so they went slowly and it took closer to half an hour. 

It was close to noon by the time they made it back. As they got closer she could see someone sitting on the exterior fence. The figure became more familiar as she neared him; long limbs, broad muscular shoulders, narrow hips, a maroon woolen hat pulled over his head, warm brown skin. She told Rush to go ahead and the little dog sprinted to her owner with glee. 

Oliver climbed off the fence and bent down to greet his dog. It only took a moment for him to notice her ripped ear. 

"What happened?" He asked as he squinted up into the pale sun. 

"Mountain lion." 

He stood up and took a step towards her. "Lindsay?" He said gently. 

"Yeah?" She bit her lip and held her breath. She knew he was about to tell her he was going back to Sylvia.

"Do you know you're bleeding?" 

"Huh?" 

He reached out and touched her leg. "How long since this happened?" He asked, almost casually. 

Lindsay looked down and noticed for the first time that her leg was drenched in blood. There was a thick gash across her thigh that was oozing deep red blood onto her riding tights. She could see small rivulets of blood flowing over her riding boots and dripping off the heel. Bright red spots burned into the snow under her. 

"Ah... I don't like blood," she admitted as the world started to swirl around her. 

"Hey, look at me," Oliver said. 

She found his steady, deep brown eyes and focused on them. He didn't look alarmed at all. She guessed it wasn't an emergency. 

"It's not a big deal. Where is the first aid kit? I'll just put a bandage on it for you." 

"There's one in the ring and another in the office."

He led them to the ring and helped her to dismount. She stumbled and his arms closed around her, keeping her upright. He sat her down on a bench and led Corrina into the ring, closing the gate behind her, then pulled the metal first aid box off the wall and returned to her. 

"Look away," he instructed as he put on the plastic gloves from the box. 

She turned her head and watched Corrina walking slowly around the ring as Oliver felt up and down her leg and poked and prodded around gently. 

"It's just your leg?" He asked.

"Yeah. The horse fell on it."

"Did you hit your head?" 

"No."

She still wasn't looking and she felt a sharper pain. She gasped. 

"Sorry." 

She felt Oliver lift her leg and then a pressure that got tighter and tighter. 

"You can look now." 

Oliver had wrapped her entire thigh in a bright white bandage. He peeled the plastic gloves off. 

"Can you lie down for a second?" He asked. He helped to lift her legs onto the bench and guided her head down gently onto the wood. "I'm going to feel you abdomen now, okay?" 

She nodded, but he had already unzipped her riding jacket, lifted her shirt and started gently pressing and feeling around her belly.

"Sorry, I just need to undo this for a second." 

She felt her pants tighten for a moment and then slacken, and then Oliver's hands feeling lower and lower until he got to her panties. She bit down on her lip and looked up at the ceiling beams. This was certainly not how she had pictured him seeing her skin for the first time.

"Now I'm going to feel your ribs," he told her and a moment later his fingers walked up her sides to her arm pits. "And your sternum." 

She laid still as he felt around her chest. 

"How do you feel?" He asked as he shined a light in her eyes. . 

"Um... A bit sick." 

"Dizzy? Faint?" 

"A little." 

"You don't like blood?" 

"No. Especially not my own." 

"Are you cold?" 

"No." 

"What day is it today?" 

She looked up into his steady brown eyes. "Um... Monday." 

He smiled his beautiful, reassuring smile. "Come over to the farm with me?" 

"Okay. I have a few things I need to do here first..."

"No Lindsay, come with me now." 

His tone was friendly but forceful enough for her to know that she was going to do what he told her. She nodded and he helped her up but her legs weren't cooperating as they should so he scooped her up.

As he was carrying her away she looked back to see a mountain of plastic and foil wrappers and the contents of the first aid kit spewed all over the floor. There was a dark puddle on the cement under where she'd been sitting. 

"We should clean up," she said.

"Later," Oliver replied. 

The next few hours were a blur. Even though he told her that he was taking her to the farm he actually took her to Saint Andrew's, the hospital he worked at. She remembered a nurse putting one of those creepy tubes into her arm and seeing a plastic bag full of blood being attached to it. The next thing she knew she was waking up in a room that was really just a cubical made out of curtains. 

Oliver was sitting on the end of the bed, his arms folded around his legs and his chin resting on his knees. "Hey," he said softly.

"I think I'm going to throw up."

He jumped up and held a bucket beside her while she heaved and vomited and spat into it. Her body started to shake uncontrollably and she didn't know why, but she was crying. 

Oliver squeezed onto the bed beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. "It's okay," he said. "It's just the anesthesia wearing off. You're okay." He kissed her hair and she leaned into him. 

She sort of zoned out for a while and the next thing she remembered was Oliver helping her to get into the back of her dad's car, and then she was at her parents' house, in her old room and her dad was tucking her into bed.

She blinked a few times, trying to clear her head. "What happened?" 

"A horse fell on you. You needed a transfusion to replace the blood you lost and surgery to repair the vein in your leg that was scratched."

"Oh... I was at the hospital..."

"Yes. Oliver took you. You're lucky he was there... I'm lucky he was there."

She looked into her dad's eyes, all weathered and worried. "Sorry dad."

"It's okay sweet pea. You try and rest now."

The next morning Oliver came over to check on her. He took her blood pressure and asked how she was feeling, then asked to see her wound. 

The cut on her leg was high on her thigh so she had to take the sweat pants she was wearing off. She sat on the couch and covered herself with a blanket while he peeled the bandages away and gently felt around.

"Did you do the stitches?" She asked.

"Yeah, just the external ones. I'm suspended so I technically I wasn't supposed to even be in the theater, but I know the surgeon and I made a pretty compelling argument... So I owe him one."

"What argument?"

He looked up at her. "I'll tell you another time."

When he was done poking around he put a new dressing on the wound and carefully taped it to her skin, then pulled the blanket down to cover her.

"Are you well enough to talk about something important?"

She nodded.

He had been kneeling on the floor and he sat back and bit on his lip for a moment before he spoke. "Sylvia wants to get back together with me."

It wasn't a surprise. "Are you going to?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I feel..."

He sighed. "Sorry, I'm not good at this stuff, but I want to be honest with you."

"It's okay. Take your time."

"Sylvie and I were together for a long time. I feel a sort of responsibility for her. I don't know if it is love or if it I'm being sentimental or what, but it hurts me to see her hurt."

Lindsay nodded.

"But then..." He looked down at his hands. "I'm going to go out on a limb here..." 

He looked back up at her and paused for a moment. Finally he said, "I have feelings for you."

Lindsay couldn't help the smile that she felt spread across her lips. It was probably totally inappropriate in the context.

"You do too?"

She nodded. "Yeah. For a while now."

He smiled and his shoulders relaxed. "I don't know where that leaves me. I feel responsibility for one woman and desire for another. I think I'm starting to understand how Sylvie felt when she broke up with me." 

Lindsay wanted to point out that this situation was actually very different from when Sylvia broke up with him, but she didn't think it was her place. Instead she said, "Sounds like something you'll have to figure out on your own."

Oliver continued to stare at her for a moment before he nodded. "You need to take it easy for the next week or two. No riding or heavy exercise, okay?"

She nodded.

"I want to check your stitches on Sunday. I'll give you a call."

"Okay."

He started to get up.

"Oliver? Thanks for looking after me when I was... You know... Bleeding."

He laughed.

"What?"

"Just the way you said that... Bleeding... As if it was a disgusting disease." He leaned down and kissed her hair. "You don't need to thank me for that Lindsay."



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 12



Oliver had no idea what he should do about the Sylvia and Lindsay situation. He had fantasized so many times about Sylvia showing up on his doorstep and what would unfold after, that when it really happened it was kind of like a dream. 

She had made more promises and spoke of more sacrifices than he had pictured in even his wildest imaginings. She had cried and begged for him to take her back. She had promised to find a different job. She had spoken about moving their plans for children ahead by a few years. All things that would have been music to his ears a few months ago. 

But when they had kissed he didn't feel anything but sadness. When she had started trying to undress him he had caught her hands.

"What are you doing?" She had asked.

"It doesn't feel right."

"I'll make it right Ollie, I promise."

"Not today."

And that's where he'd left it with her. 

He was glad that Lindsay hadn't come onto him the way Sylvia had, not that he was expecting her to. Lindsay hadn't yet realized that she was gorgeous. She didn't know that she could use her body to get men to do what she wanted them to. He hadn't had sex in seven months, if Lindsay had have made a move on him he didn't think he'd be able to resist the way he had with Sylvia. 

Micah was on the phone when he answered the door. He held a finger up to Oliver as he let him in. Oliver wandered back to the kitchen and helped himself to the fruit bowl while he waited. After a few minutes Micah walked in.

"Sorry, just my agent."

Micah was the only one of them who still bothered with sports on a professional level. He spent half of his life traveling and riding his bike. 

"Did you hear yet?"

"No. Still no news." Oliver was still waiting to hear if his temporary suspension from work would be lifted or turn into something more serious.

"You must be shitting bricks," Micah said as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

"I haven't been thinking about it much."

"Are you serious?"

"Mm... Hey can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure..."

"Remember when Ellia dumped you and then showed up again at Missy's Tahoe house out of the blue?"

Micah narrowed his eyes. "Yeah," he said suspiciously.

"What was your thought process?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you decide to take her back?"

Micah shrugged. "I don't think there was much thought involved. I just went off of what I was feeling."

"Which was?"

Micah looked out the window. "Mostly relief. I felt a lot of conflicting emotions at once, but I remember just being relieved to be with her again, like I'd been holding my breath for ages and I could finally breathe again."

Micah looked back at him. "Why?"

"Sylvia wants to get back together."

One of his eyebrows rose. "Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"And you're seriously considering it?"

Oliver shrugged. "I don't know. It's not that different from what Ellia did to you and you took her back."

He shook his head. "It's totally different from what Ellia did to me."

"No it's not. Sylvia left me because she thought she loved someone else, turned out she didn't. Ellia left you because she thought her special job was more important, turned out it wasn't."

Micah sighed. "I don't agree, but I also don't think it's important. Just because it was the right thing for me to take Ellia back when our relationship was just starting doesn't mean it's the right thing for you to take Sylvia back half a decade into yours."

Oliver looked at his brother for a moment before he nodded. "I didn't feel relieved when I saw her."

"How did you feel?"

"Confused. Angry. Kind of sad."

"Right. Red flag number one."

When Oliver didn't move to counter him Micah softened his tone. "Let me ask you a personal question."

"Mm?"

"You seem happier lately. Are you on antidepressants?"

"I was after Sylvie dumped me but I went off them after Christmas."

"So you are happier?"

"Yeah. I feel fine."

"You feel fine without her. I think that's as good an indication as you need Ol."

Oliver couldn't think of what he could say to that.

"Are you going to Jasmine's meet tonight?" Micah asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"No, Elle's going to take Natalie, and Owen and I are staying home. He thinks gymnastics is boring."

Oliver kind of agreed with Owen's assessment of gymnastics meets. There were always about ten different events going on at once and it was practically impossible to keep track of where Jasmine was. It was a good opportunity to hang out with family though, so he went. 

He sat beside Grace so she could give him a heads up when something interesting was about to happen. After a few minutes Tyler sat on the other side of him and started talking about his pig.

Years ago Tyler and Madeline had rescued Florence the pig from certain death. It was before they all stopped eating animal products. Florence was raised on the farm for meat for Zach's restaurant, and they'd rescued her in a midnight heist. Tyler loved that pig more than most people loved their mothers. 

Florence was getting old. When Tyler had taken Rush to the vet to have her ear stitched yesterday he must have gotten into a conversation with the vet about pig health. 

Oliver stole a look with Grace. She rolled her eyes and got up to move.

"Did you see Lindsay today?" Tyler asked as he watched Grace walk away.

"Yeah. She's fine."

"Must have been pretty bad for you to take her to the hospital?"

"Yeah. It freaked me out. She lost a lot of blood. I thought she was going to die in front of me. She had that same look that dad had when he lost consciousness for the last time."

Tyler squinted his eyes at him. "Ollie? I thought you didn't see your dad until he got to the hospital?"

Oliver shook his head as he looked out over the competition floor. "No. I was there."

"But you told us..."

"I made it up." He looked back at Tyler. "I didn't want to deal with everyone knowing the choices I made in their last moments. I didn't manage to save either of them..."

Tyler shook his head. "Of course you made the right choices. I don't doubt that for a second." 

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"Oliver, you are perfectly suited to deal with emergencies. You got that from your dad, he was always calm under pressure... Whatever you did I have absolute faith that it was the right thing."

Oliver felt a lump in his throat and he struggled to swallow it down. "You know the last thing he said?"

Tyler's eyebrows rose.

"Emma."

Tyler's lip quivered and he looked away. After a moment he sniffed, then said, "They were good together."

Oliver nodded. "I know. That's what I want."

They watched the tiny girls do ridiculous gymnastic feats for a few minutes before Oliver asked, "How do you know Maya's never had feelings for anyone else before?"

Tyler blinked a few times. "Ah... I trust her."

"But you don't know?"

"No. I know if she ever did feel anything for someone else she removed herself from the situation before it became a problem."

"Which is what Sylvie should have done for you," he added, as if he knew where this was going.

Oliver sighed. "She wants to get back together."

"What about Lindsay?"

Oliver was surprised. "How did you know about Lindsay?"

Tyler smiled. "It's not so hard to see the change in you Ol, and Luka says she's always around."

Oliver shook his head. "How can I be with Sylvia if I'm always thinking about Lindsay?... But then how can I be with Lindsay if I still love Sylvie?"

"Who says you have to be with either of them? Why not be single for a bit longer?"

That was a good idea. Oliver didn't know why he hadn't thought of it himself. 

The next morning he got the phone call from the hospital. He was cleared of any negligence and could go back to work starting Monday. 

He called Sylvie then went to her house, which used to be their house, to tell her that he didn't want to get back together.

It was weird to stand in the living room and talk to her. It felt so familiar but so wrong at the same time. 

Sylvia took the news surprisingly well. "Can I still see you? Just as friends?" 

"Ah... Sure. I don't see why not."

She gave him a grim smile. "That's better than nothing I guess."

He'd just arrived at Lindsay's stables when he got a call on his work number from the uncle of Aiden, the kid who he'd operated on earlier in the week who hadn't made it. Gotlieb, the uncle, invited him to the funeral the next day. 

"Aiden's dad wanted to call you himself," he said. "But it is all just a bit too raw right now."

Oliver understood. He said he'd be there. 

He found Lindsay sitting on a bar stool beside the ring, calling out instructions to a teenage girl who was riding a horse around and making it do tricks.

Lindsay smiled when she saw him and he found himself smiling back at her as he approached her.

"Hey," she said. "I wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow. Did you get some news?"

"Yeah, it's all good. I can go back to work on Monday."

Her normal smile turned into one of her all-out dazzling movie-star ones. "Good. I had a feeling it would be okay."

"Mind if I watch?"

"That's fine. She's my last student for the morning."

Oliver leaned against the fence and watched the girl ride the horse while Lindsay occasionally called out an instruction or correction. It was relaxing. He had no idea what most of what she was saying meant, but it was nice to just stand there beside her. 

When the lesson was over he helped her off her stool and up the stairs to her apartment. 

"How is your leg?" He asked.

"It really hurts."

"But it's not swollen or oozing?"

She scrunched up her nose. "Eeiw! Gross Oliver."

He laughed. "I'll take that as a no."

"There's leftover pumpkin and lentil curry in the fridge, or there's other stuff in the freezer," she told him as he rooted around her kitchen. 

Lindsay's fridge looked a lot like the one he shared with Lucas - completely overflowing with fresh produce. He found a bunch of kale and steamed it while he heated up the curry. 

Over lunch he told Lindsay that he'd decided he wanted to be single for a while. She smiled and said, "Good idea."

They talked about the renovations on his house for a while and then he told her about the funeral he had to go to the next day. He wasn't planning to, but he asked her if she would go with him. 

She said yes and that's how he ended up face to face with her the next morning, a little stunned by how fabulously sexy she looked all in black with high heels and makeup on.

"Look at you, all dolled up in a suit," she said to him when she answered her door. "I don't think I've seen you in a suit before."

"Yes you have," he replied. "At the Christmas party."

"Oh yeah, I guess I must have. I don't really remember." She turned to get her coat from the hook on the back of the door.

"I remember what you wore." 

Lindsay turned back to him with wide, worried eyes. "In a good way or a bad way?"

"In a good way... A very good way."

He watched as her worry turned to confusion and then one side of her mouth turned up. "Oliver Watson, are you flirting with me?"

"Sorry," he said as he smiled at her. 

He found himself flirting with her more than he meant to. Whenever they hung out it seemed to degrade into him making vaguely sexual innuendos, which made her laugh. 

Lindsay was a good sport about it. She didn't seem to expect anything from him. She never started the little flirting matches they had, but she went along with them. 

The only time she'd ever done anything close to physical with him was when she'd held his hand at the funeral, but that was because he'd told her it was his first funeral since his parents' and he wasn't sure how he'd react. It had been a gesture of affection and reassurance, not of sexual desire. 

He wished things were as simple on the occasions that he saw Sylvia. It was obvious that she was trying to win him back, but the harder she tried the less interested he became in her, which only made her try harder. 

It was early April when he decided to pull the plug with her. "I don't think we should see each other anymore," he said. "I think it's time for us both to move on."

She sat on the couch and wept. 

"What we had was good, but it is broken now. It's over. We need to accept that and move on." 

He didn't know what else to tell her. She just sat there and cried, not even bothering to wipe her eyes or nose. 

He knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. "Sylvie, you're smart and beautiful and you're a good person, but you made a mistake that I can't get over. You'll find someone else and have a good life."

He left her on the couch crying. He didn't know how he could be more gentle about it.

He stopped by a drug store on the way over to Lindsay's place. It was already late and when she answered the door in slippers and a fuzzy blue robe he didn't say anything, he just took her face in his hands and kissed her. 

She was warm and soft and her fingers combed through his hair sending sparks of need all over his body. 

She closed the door and took his hand, leading him through her dark apartment, down the hall to her bedroom. She sat him down on the edge of the bed and straddled his lap, then they were kissing again and she was so to him close it made his heart ache. 

He untied her robe and slipped it off her shoulders, then went to work on the buttons of her pajama top. All the while Lindsay kissed him quietly, using her lips and tongue to make the desire in his gut twist and surge. 

He had wanted her for so long, it was hard to keep himself from rushing, but each moment was important. Each kiss and caress and murmur meant something to him. He wanted to make love to her, for her to understand how important she was.

When he'd released the last button he slid her pajama top off her bare shoulders and looked down. 

She was more beautiful than he'd imagined was possible. Her smooth, olive skin glowed in the soft light of the bedside lamp. Her collar bones were thrown in and out of relief as she breathed. Full, soft breasts complemented the gentle curve of her waist.  

He returned his eyes to her face and was momentarily struck by the look of uncertainty in her eyes. Her brow furrowed and she bit on her lower lip. 

He caressed her perfect cheek. "Lindsay, you are so beautiful baby," he whispered to her. "So incredibly beautiful."

She blinked up at him from beneath long dark lashes as her fingers found the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. She shifted closer to him and pressed her body to his, snuggling her groin against his swollen cock. 

He ran his hands over her curves and up and down her back as he kissed her lips and nose and cheeks and anywhere else he could get his lips. Her soft, firm breasts pressed against his chest and her hips began to rock against him as small sighs and moans escaped her lips. 

Oliver was so turned on he thought he might just explode from desire. He had to push down the urge to flip her over and fuck her. Maybe in the future they could do it that way, but not the first time. 

But her rocking against his cock and moaning into his mouth was getting to be more than he could handle. He turned with her in his arms and laid her down on the bed, moving on top of her so that they never lost contact.

He kissed her lower, down her neck, over her collar bone and to a perfect soft breast, which he licked and kissed, and sucked on as she writhed and moaned under him. 

He found the drawstring of her pajama bottoms and untied it as he kissed lower over her belly. She raised her hips and he stripped off her pajamas and underwear, and then her legs fell open, presenting her glistening pussy to him like a gift. He wasted no time as he buried his head between her legs to taste her. 

Oliver had never seen or felt or tasted anything more alluring than Lindsay's swollen, wet pussy. She was so wet her sweet juices had dribbled all over her lips and down the insides of her thighs. He licked and kissed her clean and sucked gently on her smooth, delicate lips and swollen clitoris.

Lindsay was sighing and moaning and whispering his name as her hips continued to rock and her fingers moved through his hair. 

He slid a finger into her hot, slick little vagina and stroked her from inside while he licked and kissed her lips and occasionally brushed over her clitoris. 

When her moans started to become more insistent he slid his finger out. He continued to kiss her while he kicked his pants off and put on one of the condoms he'd bought at the drug store. 

When he was ready he returned to her face and kissed her mouth. He was just about to push inside her when she whispered, "Oliver, gently..." 

It brought him back to the moment, to what he was about to do to this stunning woman. He lifted himself off her and gazed at her. The skin of her chest and cheeks was flushed red and the look of uncertainty had returned to her eye.

"Are you sure you want this?" He asked gently.

She nodded. "I do... It's just... I don't have any experience..."

The surge of affection he felt for her in that moment was indescribable. His heart ached with the need to protect her and love her and satisfy her. 

"It's okay baby, I'll go slow," he promised. "I wont hurt you." He kissed her nose. "I will never hurt you Lindsay," he said as he looked into her deep amber eyes.

She pulled him closer and they kissed, deep and slow while he gently pushed the length of his cock into her tight little vagina. 

"Is it okay?" He asked quietly.

Lindsay groaned in response as her hips started to move rhythmically beneath him. "It feels so good," she sighed. 

He let her lead, enjoying the way her face contorted in pleasure as his cock slid in and out of her, while he relished her wet heat and tight hole. 

"Lindsay, baby you're so beautiful," he cooed to her as she moved. 

When she started to pick up the pace he let himself match her movements, increasing the friction between them.

"Oh Oliver," she cried as she threw her head back into the pillow. He leaned back on his knees and watched her luxurious breasts jiggle in time with his thrusts. She gasped then moaned when he touched them, squeezing them gently and catching her nipples between his fingers. 

Oliver didn't think he could hold it back much longer. The sight of Lindsay's beautiful, flushed face twisting into expressions of pleasure, her sexy moans and sighs, and the feeling of her soft plump breasts under his hands and her tight wet sex over his cock was about to overload his body. 

He used his thumb to trace back and forth over her clitoris, making her hips buck and a moment later the walls of her pussy came crashing around him as she cried out and he pumped his cum into her. 

It was a moment before the world came back into focus. 

Lindsay was blinking up at him lazily. 

He smiled and she smiled back and held her arms out. He gladly accepted, but rolled them onto their sides so he could relax better. Lindsay snuggled into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him. 

It felt so right. He felt as if his whole life he'd been waiting for this kind, beautiful, generous woman. 

He kissed her again, but this time slowly and tenderly, using just his lips.

"Lindsay, I don't know what to say to you baby," he whispered to her. "I feel like you're my missing part."

They lay there kissing and fondling until the heat between them again became unbearable and this time Lindsay climbed on top of him. Her hair fell like a velvet brown curtain around his face and his world was reduced to her; to the most stunningly beautiful woman he had ever seen. 

The next morning, after they had made love for the third time, they finally emerged from her bed, sticky with each other's juices and glowing with happiness. 




8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 12



They washed each other in her shower - an activity that quickly progressed from innocent to erotic. Lindsay pointed the shower head at the wall behind her then knelt down and took his cock into her mouth. She looked up at him for guidance; her wet hair snaking over the tops of her breasts and her eyelashes clumped with water. 

Oliver couldn't believed he'd climaxed four times in less than 12 hours. 

She made him oatmeal with cinnamon and stewed apples for breakfast and they lamented the need to go to work.

Lindsay sat in his lap and draped her arms around his neck.

"Sorry if I was a bit... Well, clueless," she said shyly.

"Are you kidding?" He replied. "Do you realize how sexy it is that I'm the only man you've been with?"

One of her eyebrows rose.

He continued with a smile, "For all you know I could be a superhuman sex god."

She smiled back. "But you are."

"Exactly." He kissed her on her nose. "Seriously though Lindsay, you are the most amazing, beautiful, sexy, gorgeous... delicious... fabulous..."

She laughed as he searched for more adjectives.

".... Superb woman I have ever met." He looked into her sparkling honey brown eyes. "And I love you."

He hadn't planned on telling her that so quickly but it felt so natural that he couldn't help the words falling out of his mouth. 

Lindsay smiled and stroked his cheek. "I love you too, Oliver."

He couldn't believe how right it felt to be with Lindsay. It was as if he belonged with her. He felt all of the same things as he did when he first got together with Sylvia - passion and excitement, but he also felt so much more. He felt secure and at ease with himself, which allowed a kind of happiness he'd never experienced before. He was able to live in the moment. Sure he still thought about the past and planned for the future but when he was with Lindsay he was able to let go of all of his anxieties and enjoy her. 

He spent most of his spare time with her. He made sure that they did things that involved other people so that their relationship didn't turn into a series of booty calls. He took her to Jasmine's gymnastics meets and Madeline's orchestra's recitals and whatever other family functions were on. They went to choose fittings for the house together and her dad helped them to turn dingy old rooms into bright, fresh spaces full of new hope.

As soon as they were alone they were stripping each others clothes away and making love. Oliver had a desire for Lindsay's body that was inexhaustible, and she seemed to feel the same. She was always wet for him. 

They made love in all the usual places and ways, and then some. He kept condoms stashed in his car and all over her apartment and in his jacket pockets, and then she went on the pill and he got to feel the bliss of being inside her with nothing between them. 

He loved to ejaculate inside her with her hot, wet walls squeezing every last drop out of him. He liked to come in her mouth too, and occasionally when he was doing her from behind, he'd pull out and squirt his juices onto the top of her ass crack and watch them dribble down over her puckered little asshole. But mostly he liked to fulfill his primal urge to fill her pretty little womb with his seed. 

The spring bulbs bloomed and the trees leafed out and summer was upon them. Oliver was so in love he hardly knew what to do with himself. 

One Tuesday Matthew called him and asked to come around after work. Oliver took him out to the new deck that they'd just completed and they sat on the adirondack chairs that Lindsay had chosen. 

"This is great Ollie. I had no idea you were capable of something like this."

"It was mostly Lindsay's dad. I can't take credit."

Matthew smiled. "It's going well with her then?"

"Yeah." Oliver didn't really want to talk to Matthew about Lindsay, he had never been very supportive in that way before. 

"Good. I really like her. Everyone likes her."

Oliver didn't actually care if other people liked Lindsay or not but it did give him a little jolt of satisfaction to hear Matthew say that. "So what's up?" 

"Katie and I are expecting another baby."

Oliver smiled. "Congratulations! When?"

"Early January."

He clamped his brother on the shoulder. "That's great Matthew. I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks Ol. We're happy too, but we need to move into a bigger place. We're knee deep in toys as it is."

"You going to rent or buy?"

"Well... Here's the thing... We were wondering if anyone would mind if we moved into mom and dad's house."

Oliver shrugged. "I'm not exactly one to tell you no, given that I'm living off Grace and Nicholas' generosity."

"Yeah but how do you feel about it? Does it bother you?"

"No. I'm fine with that. I can't picture myself ever living there and it would be a shame to sell it."

Matthew nodded. "Right. Well, I feel a bit weird about it. I can't afford to buy everyone out. You know the house and the lake property are supposed to be split between the five of us."

Oliver looked out over the wild garden that Lindsay had been trying to tame. "You can have my share."

"No way, that's part of your inheritance Ollie. I can't take that from you."

In the distance Oliver could see Lindsay walking the trail that led from the dining hall up to the house. She must have just finished the meeting with her support group. She didn't really need to go anymore, if she wasn't at her ideal weight she was pretty darn close, but she liked to go to help the new commers. Passing on the favor, she called it.

Oliver turned back to him "How about this, you can have my share in the house if I can have mom's rings." 

Matthew blinked. "They're not worth nearly as much."

"They are to me."

He nodded slowly. "Okay. If you're sure?"

Oliver nodded.

Matthew smiled. "Are you planning something?" 

Oliver couldn't help but smile back. "Yes and no... I don't know. It is all a bit fast. You know, with Sylvie I wanted to propose but it never seemed like the right time. With Lindsay it always feels like the right time. I feel like it's always on the tip of my tongue."

"Well good. I'm glad. You may have realized that I was never really a fan of Sylvia." 

"Why was that?"

"She never seemed to be 100% on board. Even when she didn't get called away for an emergency it seemed like she was hesitant. Her smile never really reached her eyes."

"Hm." He guessed Matthew must have seen something that Oliver couldn't.

"I like Lindsay though. Salt of the earth."

Lindsay was getting close to the house now. He could see that her hair was braided down her back.

"Go get Lindsay," he told Rush. 

He watched with satisfaction as the dog tore down the back steps, through the garden and down the trail to greet her. Lindsay bent to pat her and moments later he was watching her pick her way through the garden and up the steps. 

"Hey," she smiled as she flopped into his lap and kissed him on the lips. Her cheeks were a little flushed from walking up the hill in the thick summer heat. "Hi Matthew," she said brightly as she turned her smile on him.

"Hi Lindsay." 

"Good day?" She asked as she squirmed to make herself more comfortable in his lap.

"Yeah, fine, you?"

"I had an excellent day. I think you're going to be very happy with me."

He couldn't help but smile. "Why is that?"

She squirmed a little more and pulled a piece of paper out of her jeans pocket and gave it to him.

He unfolded it and read the title. "Baked vegan chile rellenos."

"Uh-huh. I'm making them for dinner this weekend."

"Okay," he agreed. "Sounds good."

"You know... Sierra and Matt go down to New Mexico every fall to get a whole years supply of green chile."

"Do they?"

"Yep. Sierra says if you time it right the whole state smells like fire-roasted chile." Lindsay bit down on her bottom lip and her eyebrows rose. Her eyes sparkled with excitement.

"You want to go with them?"

She nodded.

"Okay, just tell me the dates as soon as you can so I can get the time off."

Lindsay treated him with one of her dazzling smiles and he fought the urge to carry her straight to bed. 

"You know you can get them here at the grocery store, right?" Matthew asked.

Lindsay rolled her eyes. "Where is your sense of adventure, Matthew?"

That weekend they went over to his parents' house to deal with all of his stuff that he'd never gotten around to moving. He hadn't been back there since he'd stashed his clothes there when Sylvia had broken up with him. 

He was happy that he no longer felt like he was drowning in the old house. There were confronting moments for sure, but he was able to cope. 

Lindsay helped him to pack the stuff from his old room into cardboard boxes and they carried it out to her truck. 

Matthew showed up with Tyler's truck piled high with boxes, and then Micah was there to move their dad's desk and he'd brought Adrian with him to help, and there was so much activity it seemed ridiculous that he'd been nervous to go there. 

Oliver and Lindsay stayed to help and then invited everyone back to the farmhouse for dinner. Sierra had given Lindsay a bag of frozen roasted green chiles that made enough rellenos to feed a small army.

He called Tyler, Grace and Zach, and Lindsay invited her dad, and before long their new deck was swarming with people. Everyone brought side dishes and the kitchen was over flowing with food. For once he was glad for Lucas' dishwashers. 

Out on the deck, Matthew pulled him aside and handed him an envelope. "What we talked about earlier," he said.

Oliver felt the rings floating around in the bottom of the envelope.

"I had them cleaned for you," he said. "Don't let them burn a hole in your pocket too long." 

Oliver looked up to where Lindsay was talking to Maya. She glanced over to him and smiled and Oliver knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was the one he would spend the rest of his life with.

Later, when everyone had left and Lucas had gone to the living room to watch TV, Lindsay sat on his lap on the back deck and they listened to the crickets chirp. The moon was almost full, casting a soft glow over them. 

Oliver nuzzled into Lindsay's neck and kissed along her hairline.

"The deck held up well," she commented. 

"Mm... If it can take my family it can take anything."

She turned towards him and wrapped her long, slender arms around his neck. "You do have a big, rowdy family."

"Do they bother you?"

"No. I always wanted siblings."

"Take them," he joked. "As many as you like."

"Maybe I will."

"They like you. Matthew told me."

"Really? That's good."

It was good. It would make their life together much easier.

Lindsay snuggled her head into his chest and he folded his arms around her. 

He couldn't help but think that this would be a good time to propose - sitting together on the deck that they had built together (with quite a bit of help) after a great day with family. The rings were still in his pocket.

"What's the matter?" Lindsay asked, looking up at him with big, round eyes. "Why is your heart beating so fast?"

"I was going to ask you something."

"What?"

He was so close, but he was on call. He didn't want to be called away from her on the night he asked her to commit her future to him. Instead he said, "Do you want to move in here with me?"

She smiled. "Of course. That's a stupid thing to get your heart racing over, I already practically live here."

He squeezed her closer. "You're right."

He took her to bed and made love to her quietly. They had moved into the room at the back of the house after they'd finished renovating it so they were at the opposite end of the house to Lucas. They didn't need to be super quiet, it was just the mood he was in. He held her close and whispered about how much he loved her and she made his heart ache with her little sighs and the way she whispered his name when she climaxed. 

A few hours later he was called out to the hospital and he was glad he had waited on the proposal. She stirred as he left the bed and said, "Oliver..." In an airy tone.

"What is it baby?" He asked quietly, but she was asleep. She was sighing his name in her sleep. 



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 13



Lindsay loved waking up in Oliver's bed, even if he wasn't always there when she woke. He worked a lot. Some weeks it seemed that all he did was work, exercise, make love to her, and if there was time left, sleep. She had no idea how he did it.

Other weeks were more chill. They would hang out for hours, at whatever events his family had going on, or working on the house with her dad, or sometimes just the two of them. They cooked together and ate together and jogged together with Rush some mornings. 

Lindsay worked out every morning. On the mornings that Oliver went swimming she took Rush down to the apple orchard and they did whatever workout Adrian had planned for the prisoners. 

She was in the best shape of her life. She had stopped weighing herself a while back, but she knew she was somewhere in the range of what Grace called her 'ideal' weight. She wasn't super skinny, but she was lean. When she looked in the mirror she could see her muscles and parts of her skeleton under her skin. 

Lindsay was surprised that she didn't feel like a thin girl. She just felt like herself. When she was fat she used to fantasize about how she would dress or act if she was thin, but now that she could get away with wearing skimpy clothes she still wore jeans and button down shirts most of the time. 

She was definitely a different person to when she was fat though. She was more relaxed. She had a better attitude. She didn't have the feelings of jealousy and self loathing that she used to struggle with. 

People were nicer to her. It was so weird. Everywhere she went strangers were kind to her. She was used to indifference, so people being outright friendly was something new to get used to.

She had moved into Oliver and Lucas' place but she still kept her apartment at the stables. The apartment had always been part of her salary and Charlie told her he couldn't afford to pay her rather than give her free rent. She didn't make a big deal out of it. She didn't have to pay rent at the house so financially nothing had changed, except that maybe she was a bit ahead because Oliver always seemed to want to pay for everything for her. 

He bought her clothes and lacy underwear and food and flowers. Once he bought her a set of lacy black g-string panties with a matching bra. It was the first time she'd worn a g-string and she was surprised by how boldly sexy it made her feel. 

That night she made Oliver sit on the bed and watch as she slowly undressed in front of him. His mouth hung open a little and she could see from the bulge in his pants that he enjoyed the show. When she was down to her bra and panties she turned in front of him and bent down to pick up her clothes, giving him a view of her bare butt cheeks and barely covered pussy. 

"Oh baby," he moaned in a deep voice. "I'm going to fuck you silly."

That was the first time they tried anal sex and Lindsay was surprised by how much she liked it. Oliver had never done it before either and she was happy that she was his first, at least in this small way. 

A few days after that he'd taken her bikini shopping. It was summer and she had nothing to wear swimming when they went up to the lake his family owned. He hummed and hahhed and made her try on about twenty different swimsuits before he settled on two - one was a green and white stripped string bikini and the other was a plain brown sportier cut. 

As they were leaving the mall she spotted her old friend Karen walking towards them. It felt like such a long time since the nastiness between them that Lindsay decided to stop to talk to her.

It took Karen a moment to recognize her. "Lindsay... Wow!... You look great," she said.

"Thanks Karen, you look good too." She felt a bit weird saying that because Karen actually looked worn-down.

"Yeah well... Not much has changed with me. Still enjoying life as usual."

"Good. Hey, this is my boyfriend Oliver. Oliver this is my old friend Karen."

Oliver released Lindsay's hand and shook Karen's.

"You know she used to be fat right?" Karen said to Oliver. "She was fatter than me."

Lindsay froze. It was such a mean and aggressive thing to say. 

Oliver turned to her and smiled. "Oh Lindsay," he said in a playful tone. "I'm afraid that I don't love you anymore. I could never love anyone who had struggled with any kind of health problem. Could you?"

She shook her head. "Never."

Oliver leaned down and kissed her then took her hand and lead her away. "Nice meeting you Karen," he said over his shoulder. 

Once they got in his car she started crying. Oliver leaned over and kissed her and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. "It's okay baby," he said. "You have better friends now."

She nodded. It was true. She had friends who didn't keep score of who was fatter, and she had Oliver, the smartest, kindest, most humble and handsome man she'd ever met. 

She was so in love with Oliver. Ever since that night when he'd shown up at her apartment and swept her away with his tender words and gentle caresses, she'd allowed the feelings that had always stirred inside her free rein. 

She was his. That was the best way to describe it. She felt so in tune with him. They agreed on so much. It felt like the most natural thing in the world when they were together, and she was pretty sure he felt the same. 

One night he was kissing the little pink scar on her thigh when she asked how he'd convinced the other surgeon to let him do her stitches. 

"I just told him there was a pretty good chance I'd be looking at this thigh for the rest of my life," he said, smiling up at her.

Lindsay was so overcome she felt the prickle of tears. "The rest of your life?" She managed to croak out.

Oliver crawled up over her half naked body. "Baby," he cooed to her. "I wouldn't be with you if I didn't think that was a distinct possibility." 

She couldn't speak so she used her fingers to trace the bones of his face while her heart ached and she tried to swallow back her tears.

Oliver leaned his face into her hand. "Do you feel the same?"

She nodded as tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. 

He kissed her tears as he stripped away her underwear and then he was inside her and she felt that strange sense of satisfaction that only Oliver's penis could bring - the physical fullness coupled with the emotional penetration, as if he were gently boring his way into her heart with each stroke, each caress, each of his raw, honest words.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer as she moved her hips in time with him. She ground her screaming little clitoris against the base of his shaft, using his coarse curly hair to help build the heat that was already throbbing through her sopping wet sex. 

She knew Oliver was close. He was squinting at her and biting on his lip in that adorable way he had when he was nearing release.

"Are you going to pump your cum inside me?" She whispered.

Oliver groaned and nodded. 

"How much?"

"Oh..." He moaned. "So much. I have so much for you baby." 

He quickened his pace and she felt her pussy glow with that special heat.

"Fill me up Oliver," she begged. "Pump me full of your cum."

He wrapped his hands under her shoulders and held her steady as he thrust his cock in and out of her. His eyes were so narrow she could just see his warm brown irises staring into her soul as plunged deep and released inside her. She gave in to her own orgasm, her pussy squeezing and milking his beautiful cock for every last drop of his precious liquid.

Oliver relaxed his grip on her shoulders as he continued to stare into her eyes. She reached up and caressed his cheek with her thumb.

His phone rang.

He blinked.

It rang again.

He was on call. He'd warned her earlier. She reached over to the nightstand and padded her hand around until she'd found the phone and handed it to him.

He pushed back so that he was sitting on his feet. 

He looked at the screen for a second and it rang again. "Oliver Watson," he finally answered.

That was odd. He was on a first name basis with the people whose job was to call him in when they needed him.

"Yes. It's pronounced 'Win'"

He wasn't looking at her anymore and his demeanor had changed. His whole body looked tense. It wasn't like when he got called in to work and all he said was how long he'd be before he hung up. 

"How?"

He leaned back further to release his penis from her and turned so that she was looking at his back. He rubbed his eyes with one hand while the other held the phone to his ear.

"Okay. I'll be there in 20 minutes."

He hung up but he didn't turn to her and shower her in kisses and apologies the way he usually did when he had to leave her.

The phone thudded onto the mattress.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

His hand was still over his eyes. He didn't look at her as he said, "Sylvia attempted suicide." 

Lindsay felt her jaw drop at the same time a horrible sinking feeling engulfed her heart. 

"She's at Denver General. I've got to go," Oliver continued in a detached tone. 

He still hadn't looked at her and even though he'd said on the phone he'd be there soon, he made no move to shower or get ready to go. 

She sat up and touched him on the shoulder. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No," he replied quickly. He looked at her and she was stunned by the depth of sadness in his eyes. "I need to do this alone."

She nodded and suddenly felt naked, as if she shouldn't be there. 

Oliver got up, took one of his lightning fast showers, dressed and left. He kissed her goodbye but he was distracted, he didn't even look into her eyes.

Lindsay showered and went to bed, but it took her forever to get to sleep. She lay there tossing and turning and wondering what had happened and what was happening now. Oliver hadn't said how Sylvia had tried to kill herself or how close to success she'd come, or if she may yet be successful in taking her life on this occasion. 

She didn't know what to wish for. She didn't want Sylvia to die, she could never wish that upon another human, but she also didn't want her in their life. She didn't want Oliver to feel responsible for another woman's happiness. 

Apart from the time she'd showed up on the doorstep, Lindsay had never met Sylvia. Oliver rarely talked about her, so all she knew was that they'd been together for six years, she'd left him for another man and then tried to get back together with him when the other man didn't work out. 

She didn't know what Oliver felt for her. She'd never asked and the only time he'd volunteered that sort of information was when Sylvia tried to get back together with him and he'd said it hurt him to see her hurt. That had been six months ago. 

He must still feel something to have rushed off to the hospital... And that look of pure sadness in his eyes didn't give her hope. Nor did the detached way he'd acted towards her once he'd gotten the news. 

She thought that Oliver would probably come home at some point during the night and snuggle into her back and whisper reassurances to calm her fears, but he didn't. When she woke in the morning his side of the bed was empty and the only one there to greet her was Rush. 

She took the dog for a jog alone and when she got home Lucas was there with wet hair and smelling like chlorine, shoveling breakfast cereal and sliced fruit into his mouth.

"Morning Linz," he said cheerfully.

"Hey Luka."

"Ollie's at work?"

"I don't know."

Lucas tilted his head to the side.

Lindsay sighed as she flopped on to a kitchen chair. "Sylvia attempted suicide last night."

Lucas' eyes went wide and he coughed cereal all over the table. "What?!"

"Yeah. Oliver went to the hospital at about 11 and never came home."

He shook his head. "How?"

She shrugged. "You know as much as I do."

Lucas squeezed his eyes shut and ran his fingers through his hair. "Sylvie, what have you done?" He asked in a pained voice.

She heard the front gate click and then feet on the front steps. Rush charged over to the door and made a fuss. A moment later Oliver came into the kitchen. 

He looked worn. His shoulders were slightly slumped and his head bent down a little. 

She couldn't not go to him. He was in such obvious pain. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him to her body. He squeezed her back briefly but he never relaxed into her embrace. 

"Is she okay?" Lucas asked.

Lindsay released her grip to see what Oliver had to say.

"I don't know yet. She hasn't regained consciousness, but hopefully she will today."

"How did she do it?"

"Drug cocktail. It's a miracle she's not dead. It's all thanks to Mrs. Cotts."

"The nosey old cow next door?"

"Yeah. Never thought I'd be thanking God for her."

Lindsay bit her lip. 

"So you were at the hospital all night waiting?"

"No. I slept at Sylvie's house."

Lindsay's heart dropped.

There was an uncomfortably long silence. 

"I'm going to go take a shower," Oliver said, and he left the room. 

Lindsay was left standing in the middle of the kitchen, stunned and dejected and nervous and nauseated all at once. 

Lucas crossed the room towards her. "Are you alright?" He asked, stooping a little to look into her eyes as he rested his hand on her shoulder.

She attempted a smile. "Yeah."

He squeezed her shoulder. "Hang in there champ. It's just a passing storm." He kissed her on her hair and left for his end of the house.

Lindsay went to her and Oliver's bedroom and sat on the bed. The shower hissed and the drain gurgled. She didn't know how she should act. She'd never had to act with Oliver before. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked when he finally came out of the bathroom.

He glanced at her for a moment as he pulled a fresh business shirt out of the closet. "Not now. I have to go to work." 

Lindsay watched him dress as she tried to think of something to say. He sat on the other side of the bed to put on his socks and shoes. She crawled over the bed and touched his arm.

"Oliver?"

"Mm?" He continued to look at his feet.

"Is everything okay between us?"

He looked up at her sharply, his eyes full of alarm. "As far as I know... Are you trying to tell me something?"

She shook her head. "No. It's just... Well, you slept at your ex-girlfriend's house. That doesn't fill me with confidence."

He slumped just visibly. "Please don't flip out on me Lindsay. I don't think I could handle that right now."

"Okay. I'm just worried. I don't want to lose you."

His eyes softened. "I'm sorry babe." He pulled her into a hug. "You're not losing me. I just need you to be tolerant for me while I take care of this... situation. I need you to trust me."

She moved closer and hugged him tightly. "Whatever you need. Just don't stop loving me." 

"Not even possible," he whispered into her ear. 

She tried to remember that conversation over the next few days as Oliver all but disappeared from her life. She was lucky to get a call from him a day. Sometimes he just texted to tell her he wasn't coming home. 

Sylvia had recovered enough to go home and Oliver was staying at her house, "Just until she's back on her feet," he said. He promised that he was sleeping in the spare room. 

Lindsay was devastated, but she didn't say anything to him about it. She could see that he was stressed and didn't want to contribute to that. 

Staying at the house was depressing. Some mornings she waited around to see if Oliver would stop by for fresh clothes but for the most part she left early for the stables and came home late. 

About a week after Oliver started sleeping at Sylvia's house Lucas came home with a girl. 

"This is my friend Carlie," he said with a huge grin. "She's going to stay here for a few days." It was clear from the way they spoke and touched that Carlie was more than just Lucas' friend.

Lindsay made small talk for a while and then decided to go home to her apartment at the stables to give them some privacy. 

Oliver didn't even notice that she hadn't slept in their bed that night, nor did he notice the next night or the one after. Rush gave up on asking to go home and accepted that she lived with Lindsay at the stables now. At the end of the day she waited at the bottom of the stairs for Lindsay and they went up to the little apartment together. 

She missed Oliver with a searing intensity. She cried herself to sleep most nights. Every day she waited in anticipation for his text message and then cried as soon as she was alone and reading it. He never wrote anything personal. 

She had difficulty believing this was the same Oliver that she had loved before the suicide attempt. She started to wonder if she had imagined the emotions that had passed between them. Had she been so desperate for his love that she had exaggerated how deeply they had connected? Had she seen things that weren't really there?

She didn't know. All she knew was that she was alone and hurting and he had put her there.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 14



Oliver didn't know how much longer he could take the routine of staying at Sylvie's house. It had been almost two weeks and he felt like he was suffocating. 

Sylvie was so depressed and it really wore on him. In less than 24 hours he had gone from the blissful happiness of life with Lindsay to the dark and gloomy cave of despair with Sylvia. 

He felt so guilty for what he had with Lindsay. Just thinking about her brought on waves of guilt that made him feel sorrowful and slightly nauseated. How could he have been so happy when Sylvie, the woman he had loved and cherished for so many years, was in so much pain? 

He was glad that Lindsay was the woman she was. She was strong and capable and would carry on without him for a few weeks. When this was all over they would pick up where they left off, because that was the sort of person she was. She wasn't so shallow as to hold this against him.

He knew in his heart that she missed him as much as he missed her, but he didn't make a big deal of it. He thought it would be easier on both of them not to dwell on what they were missing out on while he was away. It was only a matter of time before they'd be together again.

Thankfully Sylvie hadn't taken anything too stupid, so she wasn't brain damaged and her nervous system appeared to be fine. He thought it would just be a matter of getting her on the right dose of the right antidepressant and she would regain her equilibrium and be able to return to work. 

He took her to see his psychiatrist and she returned with a prescription that he had filled and made sure she took every day. He also took her to see a psychologist who the psychiatrist recommended. 

Oliver never used psychologists himself but he had the benefit of a supportive extended family. Sylvie wasn't that close with her sister or parents and she didn't seem to have any other friends riding in to save the day, so he figured it couldn't hurt for her to talk to a professional.

So far, nothing was helping. She was still the blank zombie that she'd been when she woke. Apart from going to work, she did all the things that you would expect she might do - she drove her car, bought groceries and cooked, did laundry, cleaned the house - but her eyes were blank, as if she were a robot programmed to do those things. 

She hardly spoke to him. The only way he knew how she felt was because she had articulated it so well in the note she had left him when she tried to kill herself.

"It's too difficult to continue," she had written. "What is the point in putting one foot in front of the other if you have no desire to be where you're going?"

Oliver knew their break up was a large part of why she had fallen into this depression. He felt guilty, but he didn't know what he could have done differently. 

After two weeks of staying with her he couldn't take it anymore. He called her and told her that he was going to take a night shift and then went home after work. 

The house was empty. He waited for Lindsay to come home. The sun set. It was past their usual dinner time. 

He got sick of waiting and drove out to the stables. He could see the lights on in her apartment as he parked in the gravel. 

He heard voices as he climbed the stairs and stopped at the door to listen. 

"What about King?" Lindsay asked.

"It's a possibility," a male voice replied. "He wouldn't be top of my list though."

What the fuck?

"Who would be top of your list?"

Oliver didn't wait to hear the reply. He opened the door.

Lindsay was in her pajamas sitting at the kitchen table with a pen and paper. "Oliver!" She jumped with surprise. 

Rush came sprinting and barking towards him until she recognized him, then she started whining as she weaved between his legs

On the couch lazed a lanky black guy who looked vaguely familiar. "Hey." He stuck his hand up in a casual greeting.

"What's going on?" He asked Lindsay, the pounding of his heart audible in his ears.

"Jake's staying here for a while. We were just talking about the horses."

"At nine o'clock at night?"

"Yeah."

"In your pajamas?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Yeah."

"I've been waiting for you at home."

"Sorry. I haven't been staying at the house for a while now."

Oliver's surge of adrenaline turned into anger. "You're staying here... With him?"

Lindsay got up and strode towards him, annoyance clear in her eyes. She took him by the arm and marched him out of the apartment and down the stairs.

"Jake aged out of foster care. He doesn't have anywhere else to go," she said in a hushed voice.

That's where he'd recognized that guy from. He was one of Lindsay's stable hands. "You have somewhere else to go. Why aren't you at the house?"

"It's depressing to stay there alone."

"Well, it's not safe for you to stay here with that guy. Either chuck him out of your apartment or stay at the house." Oliver was so pissed off that it came out as more of a command than a request. 

Lindsay folded her arms across her chest. "I've known Jake since he was ten. He's a good kid. He would never hurt me."

"He's not a kid, he's a man, with all of the equipment and desires that men have."

She rolled her eyes. "Jake isn't attracted to me."

"Are you fucking stupid Lindsay? When was the last time you looked in a mirror? You're not obese anymore. Men want to fuck you now. " 

He knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as the words left his mouth. Lindsay's eyebrows rose and she looked away.

"Sorry." He reached out to touch her but she moved away. "Lindsay, I'm sorry. That came out wrong."

"So I just recently became fuckable. Good thing for you Oliver."

"No." He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "God, this is the last thing I need right now."

Lindsay's eyes shot up to his face. "What you need? What about what I need?"

He chewed on his lip as he looked at her. It was a fair question. She had been nothing if not patient and the days were starting to drag on. 

"What do you need?" He asked as gently as he could, given his agitated mood.

She shrugged. "I don't know. It would be nice to know if I still have a boyfriend."

He sighed. "Of course you do. We've been through this. I have to stay at Sylvia's place until she's no longer suicidal. She stood by me through two depressive episodes, what sort of person would I be if I didn't help her through this?"

"Doesn't she have someone else to help her? Why does it have to be you?"

"She doesn't have anyone else. I'm the reason she's here. Her whole family is back in California."

"So she should go back to California then."

"It's not that simple. She has a career to think about."

"Was she thinking about her career when she took all those pills?"

Oliver sighed again. This was getting them nowhere. "Lindsay," he rubbed up and down her arms. "Please, just trust me. I'm doing everything I can to get out of there as soon as possible. In the mean time, please stay at the house?"

She stared at him for a long moment, hostility clear in her stiff demeanor. "Fine... But just so you know Oliver, you don't get to disappear from my life then show up unannounced and tell me how or where I should live."

He agreed just to end the argument. 

They drove separately back to the house. Even though he was itching for contact with her he wasn't expecting any. He would be surprised if she let him hold her while they slept. 

But when he got out of his car she was waiting for him at the front gate. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against him.

"I don't want to fight with you Oliver. I just want things to go back to normal."

He squeezed her tight. "I know. I do too."

They went straight to bed and were naked in seconds. Lindsay grabbed at his body with a hunger he hadn't seen in her before. She wanted it rough. "Harder," she kept on urging him. Finally, he sat back on his heels and drilled her harder than he ever had before. She threw her head back and moaned, "So good Oliver, you feel so good." She reached for his hand and placed it on her breast. He squeezed and pinched and she gasped and moaned and that is how she came, in a bucking, moaning heap of lust. 

Oliver couldn't climax that way today. He bent over her and slowed down so that he could feel her properly. He kissed her mouth and caressed her curves and let the feeling of her carry him away.

Afterwards he held her close and told her that she had always been beautiful to him. "I've always wanted you like this," he murmured to her. "Ever since I first got to know you."

"Mm," is all she said before her breathing went deep and even and he could tell she was asleep.

The next morning he woke with Lindsay's bare butt cheeks grinding slowly against his erection. When she realized he was awake she rolled onto her stomach and lifted her butt into the air, like a dog in heat. He moved behind her and slid his aching cock into her slippery, wet vagina. He massaged her pert little butt cheeks as he watched his brown penis sliding in and out of her pink little hole. 

Afterwards they went jogging, showered and ate breakfast together as usual, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Even though they were in a relationship and they had openly declared their love for each other, he couldn't help but feel like the sex they'd had was just that - sex. He didn't feel like they'd made love. He didn't feel any closer to her. 

It wasn't because she had wanted it rough last night, and he didn't think it was because they were about to part ways. 

It made him feel nervous.

When it was time for him to go he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. 

"I love you, Lindsay," he whispered into her ear.

"Do you?"

He pulled away from her in surprise. "Of course I do. I love you with all of my heart."

Lindsay's big honey brown eyes stared up at him sadly. "Except the part that still loves Sylvia."

"What? No."

She shook her head. "Don't kid yourself Oliver. You wouldn't be doing this if you didn't still love her."

He didn't know what to say. He felt responsible for Sylvia, but he didn't think that meant he still loved her. 

"You'd better get going," Lindsay said. "Who knows what she could be pulling out of the medicine cabinet at this very moment."

He sighed. "Come on Lindsay, how many times do I have to explain this to you?"

"She saw you through two depressions?"

"Yes."

"Right. So, after this you still owe her one."

He gritted his teeth. "No."

She turned her head to the side. "That's not very good accounting. Why don't you owe her another depression?"

"Lindsay, you're being stupid. Once this is over I never intend to see or talk to or have any contact with Sylvia ever again."

She stared at him for long seconds. "You promise?"

"Yes. I promise."

"What if she tries to kill herself again?"

He tried not to react to that horrible thought. "Somebody else's problem."

She nodded. "Good. Because if you ever do this again I will leave you."

He cringed. "Okay."

It wasn't exactly the little vacation away that he'd been hoping for. 

Sylvia was drinking coffee and reading the news on her laptop at the kitchen table when he walked in.

"Morning," he said to her.

"Morning." 

He felt her eyes on him as he boiled water and made a cup of tea. 

"Do you still have that girlfriend?" She asked.

He was sick of trying to make life easy for her, so he didn't lie. "Yes."

"Lindsay... You spent the night with her?"

He looked over at her tiny form, hunched cradling her coffee mug. "Yes."

She nodded. "Is she good in bed?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to answer that."

"She's pretty."

He gritted his teeth. "Yes."

"Nice boobs. I always knew you wanted bigger boobs than mine."

He sighed. It was the first conversation she had initiated and it had to be about this. "It has nothing to do with boob size."

She dropped her head. "I know," she said quietly. "It's about loyalty." She started to cry. Her delicate little shoulders shook as she gulped and sniffed. 

Oliver sat at the other side of the table. Even though it was really awkward, he was relieved that she was finally showing some emotion. It showed some progress. "Sylvie, you made a mistake. That doesn't make you a bad person."

"Just bad enough that you can't forgive me."

"I have forgiven you, but I've moved on. It's too late for us."

She nodded slowly without looking up.

"Do you think you might go back to work next week?"

She looked up at him with red rimmed eyes. "God no. I'm never going back again."

"You're going to resign?" He asked, surprised.

"Ollie, I had an affair with my boss that ended badly. Do you have any idea what sort of hell work is like for me?"

Oliver helped her to resign. He drafted the letter and she signed it. He went to Paul to get a written recommendation for her. The creepy old bastard turned one edge of his lip up when he realized who Oliver was. For a moment it looked like he might refuse to give her a recommendation, but that changed when Oliver mentioned the possibility of a sexual harassment lawsuit. Within the hour she had a glowing recommendation singing her praises as a physician as well as an individual.

He convinced her to move back to California. He organized a moving company to pack up the house and transport her car out to her mom's address in Fremont. He booked the plane tickets, took a few days off work and flew out with her.

She cried as they left Denver. "I had such high hopes when we moved out here Ol," she said as she leaned against him in the plane.

"I know Sylvie. So did I."

At San Jose airport he rented a car and drove her up to her mom's house. He helped her to update and send out her resume and to sieve through the hundreds of cragslist adds for apartments to rent. He booked her in to see the psychiatrist he used to see when they lived in the Bay Area and made sure she went to the first appointment. He helped her to take delivery of her car and made sure the movers showed up to move the furniture into her new apartment.

By the last day with her he was exhausted. He said goodbye in the parking lot of her apartment building. 

"So this is it then?" She asked.

"I guess so."

She moved to hug him and he didn't back away the way he usually did. Her tiny body was like a wafer against him. 

"Thank you for everything Oliver," she said through tears. "I'll never stop being sorry for what I did, and I'll never stop loving you."

He rubbed her back. Truthfully, Lindsay had been right. There was, and would probably always be, a little part of him that loved Sylvie, but he didn't tell her that.

Instead he said, "Be strong Sylvie. There is a new life out there for you, one which you can be happy in again."

He tried to sleep on the flight back to Denver but he couldn't stop thinking. Was it wrong of him to love Sylvia? 

The love he had for her was nothing like what he felt for Lindsay. He had a quiet little murmur of affection for Sylvie that was born out of years and years of shared memories. He didn't want her in his life, but it was important to him that she be happy in hers. Was that really so wrong?



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 15



Lindsay read Oliver's text with trepidation.

"Landed. B home in 45"

Thunder boomed outside the kitchen window as black clouds crept ominously across the sky.

"K. C u soon" she texted back.

Her stomach churned. She had been both dreading and looking forward to this day for over a week now. She didn't know how it was going to go.

Oliver had been making a big effort to stay in touch with her while he'd been in California. They texted and talked on the phone daily. He'd been warm and considerate. He kept on talking about how he couldn't wait to see her. 

She wanted to see him too. She wanted to forget the past couple of weeks had ever happened. She wanted to bury Sylvia and hope and pray that she would never resurface. She wanted to go back to the dream of the summer that had suddenly passed.

But she didn't know if she could do it. 

Deep inside Lindsay thought Oliver's heart still belonged to Sylvie, and that just wasn't good enough for her. 

She loved Oliver, but she also loved herself. Breaking up with him would be awful, but it was better than being with someone who had feelings for another woman, a woman who could not be trusted. 

She spent the next half hour pacing back and forth the deck, the wind whipping against her and stinging her eyes. Then the first fat drops of rain fell and she hurried inside as the smell of rain engulfed the house and the sky flooded with water. 

Oliver was drenched in the ten steps between his car and the front porch. Even though she was unsure of the outcome of the following hours, or days, her heart still jumped a beat when she saw him. She still felt needy, and flushed with excitement. 

His wet skin pressed against her and she laid her head on his chest and she could feel him breathing. 

He squeezed her gently and she hugged him back. Her whole body vibrated when he said, "Thank god that's over."

She couldn't help herself. Even though she didn't want to fight she said, "Is it?"

He paused for just a moment before he replied, "Yes. She's all settled. There's nothing more I can do for her."

She released her arms and he let her move away from him. She looked up and saw the resignation in his tired eyes when she said, "For now..."

He sighed. "Do we have to do this right now?" 

She was as surprised as he was when she snapped, "If not now then when Mr. 80 hour work week?"

His eyebrows rose and he shook his head just slightly. "Now you have a problem with how much I work?"

Thunder crashed above them making her jump. "I don't know. No. Not really. I'm just angry."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Can I at least get out of my wet clothes?"

She followed him into their bedroom and sat on the bed while he took a shower and put on dry clothes. The drum of the rain on the deck outside allowed her to gather her thoughts. 

She loved Oliver. She wanted to be with him. She just needed him to apologise for the past couple of weeks and give her a guarantee that Sylvia was out of their lives for good. 

He sat down on the bed beside her and took her hands in his. 

"Listen, Lindsay, I love you but I've been feeling like maybe I don't know you as well as I thought."

That took the air out of her. "What do you mean?"

"I thought you would understand about Sylvie. I thought we had a connection that wasn't going to be damaged by something as stupid as me needing to help an old friend."

She felt her face getting hot as her heart beat faster. "She's not an old friend Oliver, she's your ex-girlfriend. She's the woman you lived with and had sex with for years and years. Of course I feel threatened by her."

"But that's the thing, there's no sex involved now. I've sworn that to you. There isn't even the idea of sex in my head. I promise you that nothing happened and nothing will ever happen with Sylvie again."

"Okay. So have you cut off communication with her?"

He shrugged. "I'll probably email her in a couple of weeks to see how she's doing, but that's about it."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?"

"Why do you have to check in on her? If it's all over, then why do you need to know how she's doing?"

He was silent. He bit his lip and looked away for a moment. When he turned back to her he said, "Because I love her."

Lindsay felt as if she was about to throw up. Her palms tingled and her face felt hot while her stomach lurched. In her heart she had known it, but she hadn't expected him to admit it to her. 

"It's not a sex thing. I don't want to get back together with her, I just want her to be okay. It's important to me that she's okay."

"What if she's not okay? What if she needs more help?"

He shook his head. "She's got her family close by now. She can ask them to help her. She doesn't need me anymore."

"Are you sure about that?"

He dropped her hand as he sighed. "What if I did help her again?"

"I think I made it pretty clear that I'm not okay with that."

"So you'd leave me?"

Her heart was beating at a million miles an hour. She nodded. 

"Maybe you should just leave me now then."

She blinked. And blinked again. "I don't want that."

"You're asking me to be someone I'm not. You're asking me to turn my back on someone I love when they need me."

"Well you're asking me to be someone who is okay with their partner having an ongoing relationship with their ex, who you've admitted you still love. I have more self respect than that."

Oliver buried his face in his hands. "So we're at an impasse." 

She was silent. Her heart still raced as she felt tears prickle the corners of her eyes. 

Oliver slept on the couch. 

The next morning she packed her clothes into the back of her truck.

"There's no rush," Oliver said. "It's not like we hate each other."

But she needed to get out of there. She felt betrayed. Even though they'd only been together for a few months and they'd never spoken properly about commitment, she still felt like she deserved better. 

Perhaps it was just a lesson in relationships. Oliver was her first boyfriend. She knew that the vast majority of relationships end up broken, so really it shouldn't have surprised her that her first one did too. 

"Ah, darling," her dad said. "Plenty more fish in the sea."

And she guessed that was probably the best way to approach her broken heart. What had happened was shitty but she was young and employed and reasonably attractive, there was probably someone better out there for her.

He might not be as beautiful as Oliver, or have a big important job like Oliver, but if he loved her and only her surely that would be better. 

Look at her mum and dad. They weren't particularly attractive and they didn't have big impressive careers, but they'd loved each other and been happy together.

Once she had settled back into living at her apartment she realised just how caught up in Oliver's world she'd been. She had no friends of her own. Sure she liked his family and friends but they weren't her friends. She couldn't talk to them openly. Lindsay always had to consider that their loyalties lay with Oliver. 

She had been nervous to call Sue but she wanted to talk to her so badly that she just picked up her phone and did it. 

"I'm glad you called," Sue said. "Karen felt awful about what she said to your boyfriend but she's too shy to call you to apologise."

"Well, he's not my boyfriend anymore, so it really doesn't matter."

"Oh!... Sorry. Do you want to talk about it?

She told them all about Oliver and Sylvie and they agreed that she'd done the right thing.

"He's a shitty boyfriend," Sue said. "That's probably why he's not married by now, because everyone he dates ends up realising it and recognising that he'd be a shitty husband."

It was so good to be a part of her old circle of friends again.

"Thank God you've seen reason," Karen said to her one day.

"What do you mean?" Lindsay asked.

"You got so sucked in by that stupid fat farm. It's like you were totally brain washed. Everything was, 'at the farm this', or 'at the farm that'. I get it that you found a way to lose weight and I'm happy for you, but you were totally engrossed."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you were insufferable. I do feel bad for you that Oliver turned out to be such a douche though. You deserve better than that, even if you are a skinny bitch now."

She said it with a smile and Lindsay smiled back.

Lindsay remembered what Oliver had said to her after Karen was mean to her in the mall - "You have better friends now." It had comforted her at the time, but it wasn't true. Sue and Karen had been her friends since high school. They knew her like nobody else in the world and they loved her. Sure they'd had a rough spot in their friendship but she still loved them too. 

A few weeks after she broke up with Oliver she randomly ran into Ellia at an animal shelter. Lindsay was there to see a mare that had been surrendered, and Ellia was looking at the cats.

"I was thinking about getting a pet," Ellia said. "Micah isn't on board though so I'm likely to start world war three if I actually do it."

"He's not a cat fan?"

"He's not an anything fan," she said flatly.

Lindsay didn't know what to say to that.

Ellia shook her head, her golden hair shimmering in the afternoon sun. "Sorry, it's just been one of thouse weeks."

"It's Monday."

"Don't remind me." She looked longingly at the metal cages where the cats were kept. She dragged her eyes back to Lindsay and said, "I haven't seen you in a while."

"No. Now that Oliver and I aren't together I haven't been going to the farm very often."

Ellis's eyebrows rose. "You broke up?"

"You didn't know?"

"No! I mean, not that I'm in the loop. I hardly see Oliver and Micah's always travelling so he probably doesn't even know himself... Hey, do you want to grab a coffee with me?"

Lindsay had a million things to do back at the stables, not to mention the fact that she didn't particularly want to have a conversation with her ex's sister, but there was something hopeful in Ellia's voice so she followed her to the nearest Starbucks.

"How have you been?" Lindsay asked over a steaming cup of coffee.

Ellia gave a small shake of her head. "You know how I said it's been one of those weeks?"

"Mm?"

"Well it's been more like one of those years."

"Oh no."

"Yeah. Not good. I feel like a monkey on a chain who's paid bananas not to make a fuss."

"Wow. That doesn't sound good."

Ellia sighed and looked down into her tea. "I really want to go home to Australia but Micah doesn't want to. I promised him we could stay here for two years and he's holding me to it."

"Why did you move here in the first place?"

"Fairness. We'd lived near my family for years and years. Micah wanted to live here for a few years so the kids could get close to his family too."

"Are they happy here?"

"I think so, in general." She looked out the window. "I'm just so sick of being known as Micah's wife. Everyone I know sees me as an accessory to him."

"Well I hardly know him so I don't see you that way."

"No. You probably see me as your ex's sister who you're now wishing you hadn't run into."

Lindsay laughed. "It's actually refreshing to hear someone in that family complain."

A spark flickered in Ellia's eye. "I know, right? It's maddening how perfect they all are."

"Well, Oliver's not perfect, I've recently found that out."

"So what happened?"

Lindsay shook her head. "He's still in love with Sylvia."

"Oh. I heard that she attempted suicide. That's unfortunate."

"What is she like?"

"Sylvie? Well... I hate to say it, but I always thought she was lovely. A bit reserved, but a really kind, compassionate person. Of course what she did to Ollie was awful so I guess I must be a poor judge of character."

"I don't know. Perhaps she was driven to what she did."

Ellia nodded thoughtfully. "Ollie's a bit of a nutter. A complete workaholic and not the world's best communicator. I think he was especially bad when his parents died. Maybe Sylvie just got sick of coming second to his work. And I know she didn't get along with Matthew, which, to tell you the truth, I don't blame her for."

"Why's that?"

"Matthew is generally a nice guy, but he can be a real prick when it suits him. Everything is all about Katy. In his eyes the whole world should stop revolving if Katy stubs her toe.

"A couple of years ago Katy was feeling down because her career was on hold because they'd had a baby. Big deal, right? Happens to every mother I know. Happened to me. You just accept it and deal with it. But not Matthew and Katy. 

"Matthew had to try and reorganise everyone's lives so that Katy could feel better about being a mom. He wanted Sylvie and Oliver to spend their vacation with them and the new baby. Sylvie said no. Oliver backed her up. Matthew got shitty at Oliver. 

"Turns out Oliver had been in the midst of an episode of depression, which Sylvie had tried to warn everyone about, but Matthew's not the sort of person who listens if it's something he doesn't want to hear. Matthew wouldn't let go of the argument and apparently it was so stressful for Oliver that he tried to top himself."

"What?"

"He tried to kill himself. I'm sure it was more than just the argument with Matthew that tipped him but Sylvie was livid."

"He tried to kill himself?"

"Yeah. I thought you knew about all of that?"

"Well I knew he got depressed, I didn't know he'd attempted suicide."

"Mm... It was awful. He was already a doctor so he had access to all the drugs he needed. He was in hospital for weeks. When he got out Sylvie quit her residency to nurse him back to health then agreed to move out here with him, despite the fact that she'd had a massive falling out with Matthew."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I never doubted that Sylvie loved Ollie. I was actually really shocked that they ended the way they did. I thought they were the real deal."

When Lindsay didn't say anything Ellia tilted her head to the side and said softly, "Sorry. I don't mean to imply that your relationship wasn't as significant. I was just surprised when they broke up." She shook her head. "I shouldn't be talking about Oliver."

"It's okay. It actually gives me perspective. Maybe now I can understand why he can't let go of her."

"It would have broken his mother's heart to know how it panned out with those two. She and Sylvie were close."

Ellia stared out the window again for a few seconds before she suddenly looked at her watch. 

"Urgh," she moaned. "I've got to get back to the worlds most boring job."

"You don't like it?"

"God it is so boring. I have no idea how Grace manages to find enthusiasm for it."

"Sounds like you need a new job."

"Yeah. Maybe. It's pretty flexible though, which I need with the kids."

They got up and gathered their purses and coats. Ellia was beautiful but she didn't have any radiance about her. She moved with a sort of lethargy that dulled her demeanour.

"Do you have my number?" Lindsay asked.

Ellia didn't so they exchanged numbers and Lindsay said, "Call me if you want to talk, or just to hang out or whatever. There are plenty of barn cats you could befriend over at my stables."

A few days later Ellia called her and came round to the stables to hang out. She was only slightly more cheerful than she had been the previous time they'd met. Downtrodden was probably the best way to describe the poor woman.

"The kids are just exhausting," she said. "It's so hard to maintain some sort of control when Micah is in and out of the house every other week. I feel like I start to settle into a routine, then he leaves, then we start to settle into a new routine and then he gets home and we start all over again. I can't count the number of my house rules that have changed back and forth because he simply doesn't know what goes on under his own roof."

Lindsay just nodded and let her get it out.

"And when he is home, most of the time he drives me fucking insane. He is next to useless with the kids, in fact sometimes he is worse that useless. He has good intentions but half of the time it ends up being more difficult with him there than when I'm on my own."

"How so?"

"Oh I don't know... For example Natalie has this weird obsession with checking the mailbox. Every time we leave the house or get home she has to check the mailbox. I agree that it's weird and not normal, but I just indulge her because it's harmless and it takes all of 15 seconds for her to do it. Every time Micah takes her out it dissolves into tears because he tries to get her into the car without checking the mail. Every. Freaking. Time."

"How awful for Natalie."

"I know. It's not her fault she has a touch of obsessive compulsiveness about her. And every time this happens we end up having an argument because apparently I'm not adequately managing her condition. Apparently allowing my kid to check the mailbox so we can get to school on time and not in a puddle of tears is negligent of me."

"He said that?"

"Not in so many words, but that's the gist of it."

"Man. That sucks."

"You're telling me. It's so bad that sometimes I actually feel relieved when he leaves for a race or a training camp... Is that really bad?"

Lindsay shrugged. "It doesn't sound good."

"I don't know. Maybe it's normal. Everyone always says marriage is hard work, maybe how we are is just a variation of normal. I mean, I still love him, and I know he still loves me, we just don't seem to like each other anymore."

"Was it like that when you lived in Australia?"

She hesitated for a second. Her round blue eyes glossed over as she stared out the window. "Yes and no," she finally replied.

Lindsay waited to see if she was going to say any more.

Ellia sighed and looked back at Lindsay. "When I was young, I was in an accident that broke my pelvis and ruptured my uterus. I can't carry a pregnancy."

"But the twins..?"

"They're ours. We used IVF and my sister was the surrogate."

"Oh."

"Yeah, well a few years ago I accidentally got pregnant. It was a very high risk pregnancy for both me and the baby. Micah wanted me to have an abortion. For weeks and weeks we argued about it. I knew the risks and I hated to think of the twins losing their mother but I just couldn't even consider an abortion."

"So what happened?"

"I miscarried. It broke my heart. Even though it should never have happened in the first place and it was tearing my marriage apart, I was so amazingly in love with that baby."

"I'm so sorry."

"Micah wasn't. He tried to act like he was sad about it but I could tell he was secretly happy. He never shed a tear. He was just relieved the whole thing was over."

Lindsay didn't know what to say so she just nodded.

"Hey sorry for whining so much. I don't usually make a habit of complaining on and on about my husband and kids like this."

Lindsay smiled. "No problem."

It wasn't really a problem to listen to Ellia complain about her life, which was good because she seemed to need to do a lot of it. 

"Thanks so much for listening to me," she said one day. "I don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff. I only get to talk to my mum and sister on the weekends because of the time difference, and the kids are always around."

Lindsay didn't mind. It actually made her feel better to hear someone else's problems. She wasn't the only one who wasn't particularly enjoying her life.

Being without Oliver was like trying to walk through deep, thick mud. It was frustrating and exhausting. Sometimes, when she had a minute alone, she let herself cry. She often thought about going back to him. 

She wanted to feel full and happy again. She wanted to feel his warm skin and see his beautiful smile and hear his deep, smooth voice. She knew those things could make her happy momentarily, but she also knew they didn't really belong to her. 




8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 15



They were Sylvia's. Anytime Sylvia decided she wanted them back she could call on him and he would go to her. The time she'd had with him was just a loan. 

She guessed it was for the best to just try to get on with living without him.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 16



Oliver didn't know what he was doing wrong. Every time he thought he knew a woman, thought she was stable and reliable, she'd go and do something out of character and push him away. 

He'd thought Lindsay would understand about Sylvie. She had been so rock solid in her support of him in every other way that it came as a huge surprise that she wasn't cool with him helping Sylvie. 

Sure, he understood that he'd been too distant when the problem first arose, but he'd learned from that. He'd gone well out of his way to make sure Lindsay knew he was thinking about her. He'd called her every day and sent text messages too. Even though he really hated talking about his emotions he'd made a point to try and be open with her. Once he'd gotten Sylvie settled he was ready to start with Lindsay where they had left off.

But it wasn't enough. She needed a guarantee that he couldn't give her. Sure, he could lie to her and check up on Sylvie behind her back, but what good would that do? He didn't want to live a lie. 

The thing was, he had to check up on Sylvie. She had tried to kill herself. This was a life and death situation. He didn't want to be with her anymore, but he certainly didn't want her death on his hands. He knew how hard it was to pull yourself out of a deep depression. 

A week after he broke up with Lindsay he called Sylvie to see how she was getting along.

She sounded better. She was going to apply for a PhD position at UCSF. 

"You won't miss surgery?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm sure I will, but it could be a good change for me. I feel like research might be a better lifestyle choice. It might be nice to not be on call for most of my life. "

He was pleased and reassured that she was making progress, even if it was in a direction he'd not expected. 

As he was saying goodbye she said, "Thanks for calling Ol, it's good to hear from you. I hope everything is going well for you."

He almost told her about breaking up with Lindsay but something held him back. "Yeah, I've just been getting back into the swing of things. I've been in theatre an extra day to try and catch up on my backlog. I've got it booked again next week, so that should be good."

"Good. Well, I hope I didn't mess up your life too much."

"No. No, it's fine Sylvie."

"I want you to be happy Ollie."

He was silent. Something inside him hurt.

"I want you to be happy too," he finally got out.

He found himself wanting to talk to Sylvia more and more the more they talked. He missed Lindsay too, but for some reason is was conversation with Sylvie that he craved, and seeing that Lindsay had broken up with him he didn't see why he should limit his phone calls to Sylvie.

She never called him but she always seemed happy to talk to him. They talked about the research program she was entering into and his work and politics. They talked about the things they'd set out to do when they were in med school and whether or not they were any closer to achieving their professional goals. 

Sylvia told him about the abortion she'd had when she'd found out she was pregnant with Paul's child and how her regret had been part of the reason she'd attempted suicide. It made him sick to the stomach, but for some reason the overwhelming feeling he had when he hung up the phone that night was affection.

Sylvie didn't realise it, but the more she gave up on winning him back the more he wanted her back. 

After a few weeks he saw Lindsay. He called her on his day off and went out to her stables to drop off some odds and ends that she'd left at his house. 

As usual, he was floored by her beauty. She was wearing her riding clothes and she welcomed him with a smile bigger than he deserved. She invited him in for a cup of tea. Her long thick hair was tied back in a braid that swung back and forth across her shoulder blades as he followed her up the stairs to her apartment. Her pert, athletic ass teased him from beneath her skin tight riding pants.

"How have you been?" He asked.

"Oh, I don't know," she replied. "Some days I'm fine, others I'm not. You?"

"Same. I've been working a lot."

"How's Sylvia?" She was deadpan as she asked. If there was any spite in her voice he couldn't detect it.

"She seems okay."

She nodded. "And Rush?"

"Fine. Still a lunatic."

Lindsay gave a half smile and a nod. "I miss that mangy little mutt."

"She misses you too." Before thinking he added, "almost as much as I do."

Lindsay looked up from her mug of tea. "I miss you too," she said quietly.

There was silence for a moment as they regarded each other.

"Am I crazy or were we really happy for a while there?" She asked.

"You're not crazy."

Her plump little lips breathed the words, "Do you think that's worth fighting for?"

Oliver was holding back the urge to lean over the table and kiss her. His fingers tingled as the desire to rip her clothes off coursed through his body. 

"Did you know that Ellia and Micah are in counselling?" She asked.

"Huh?" Mention of his brother snapped him back to reality.

"She said it's the best thing they ever did."

"You talk to Ellia about her marriage?"

"Yeah. We've become pretty good friends."

"Oh. Right."

"Does that upset you?"

"No, I'm just surprised."

"Do you think it could work for us?"

"What? Counselling?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. I never really thought of it."

Lindsay blinked a few times before she said, "I'd be willing to try it. If you think what we had was worth it."

Oliver was stunned. Even though he was feeling closer to Sylvie, it was nothing to him when the electricity flowed between himself and Lindsay like it was just then. "Yes," he said. "I think so."

Lindsay smiled. 

He smiled back at her. 

The desire to rip her clothes off returned.

"You'd better get going before we end up doing something we might regret," she said with a small smile. 

At the door she said, "I'll ask Ellia for the counsellor's details."

"Okay. Just let me know when. I can't do Tuesdays or Wednesdays but any other day I can reorganise."

He caught her hand and brought it to his mouth. The corners of her lips turned up as he kissed her skin. He leaned closer. Placing her hand over his heart, he kissed her perfect mouth. 

Kissing Lindsay felt like coming home. It was the most natural thing in the world. The rest of his life blurred into nothing as he let himself surrender to the moment. To her soft, silky skin and warm receptive mouth. She smelled like hay and tasted like peppermint. 

He felt her heart racing when he moved his hand from her collar bone to the nape of her neck, kicking his own desire up a notch. His cock was straining against his pants and he pulled her closer to him so she could feel too. She moaned quietly into his mouth and any hesitation he felt dissolved. 

He took a step forward, steering her back over the threshold into her apartment. He hadn't come here with the intention of making love to her, but now there were no other thoughts in his head.

Her hand that was resting on his chest was pushing. She turned her head and released herself from their kiss. 

He loosened his grip and blinked down at her, trying to comprehend her meaning. 

Her round brown eyes stared up at him solemnly. "I don't want this. Not now."

He took a deep breath and pushed his desire down. He told his arms to let go of her and his legs to take a step back out the door. "Okay."

She averted her eyes and bit down on her lip as she closed the door between them. 

When he was driving out the big metal archway of the property his phone dinged. He stopped to read her text message.

"Sorry. I want to, I just don't think it's a good idea."

He felt hurt and rejected, but he could also see that she had done the right thing. 

"It's fine. Let me know about the shrink," he texted back.

That night he babysat for Grace and Nicholas while they went out for dinner. When they got back he ended up drinking scotch with Nicholas and talking well into the night.

He told him how confused he was about the way forward. The idea of getting back together with Sylvie became more appealing each time he spoke to her, and yet when he was with Lindsay it was as if the rest of the world didn't exist. He loved them both, but in different ways. 

"I don't know what to do," he admitted.

"Can I offer an observation?" Nicholas asked.

"Yeah, of course."

"You've had four girlfriends that were serious enough for you to bring home. Three of them had a lot in common. They were very smart, very career driven, over achieving, small, Asian women who were attractive but not really beautiful."

Oliver blinked. It was weird to hear his first three girlfriends, who were actually very different people, reduced to these descriptions.

"Then," Nicholas continued. "You bring home a white girl who looks like a super model, who is very laid back, has more of a job than a career, and while I'm sure she's not stupid, she's not about to win a Nobel prize any time soon."

"What are you trying to say?"

"It's just an observation. Lindsay is really different from your usual type."

"You think she is just a rebound girl?"

Nicholas shrugged. "Is that what you think?"

Oliver thought about it for a moment before he said, "Maybe I used her as a distraction while I worked through all the emotions I had for Sylvie."

"Maybe. It seemed pretty real though, what you two had."

"It felt very real. It still does."

"Maybe the first three all didn't work for a reason then."

Oliver contemplated this while he took another sip of scotch. 

"Let me offer another observation. Sylvie reorganised her life to move here with you, then you both proceeded to spend the vast amount of your time working in separate jobs on separate schedules. When you weren't working you seemed to attend a lot of family functions."

"Okay. What's your point this time?"

"What did you expect Sylvie to do with all of her emotional energy when you seemed to spend almost no time alone together?"

"You think it was my own fault she left me for another man?"

"No. But I wasn't surprised when it happened. 

"Jesus Nicholas." Oliver was suddenly angry at his brother. "Why didn't you give me a heads up?"

"I didn't think it was my place. Besides, I thought there must have been things I didn't know. Grace said that Sylvie seemed happy and I always trust her judgment when it comes to people."

Oliver stood up with the intention of putting some space between himself and Nicholas, but his head started spinning so he sat back down. "Next time do me a favour and tell me anyway, okay?"

Nicholas poured him a glass if water and set it down in front of him. 

Oliver tried to gather his thoughts. 

"So where does that leave me?" He asked.

"I don't know. On the one hand, I agree with you that Sylvie can't be left to her own devices, on the other hand I can understand why Lindsay won't tolerate you being in contact with her." 

"What about getting back together with Sylvie?"

"Is she the sort of person who learns from her mistakes?"

"Yes." 

"Well, I don't blame you for wanting to give her a second chance then. Grace and I both really like her and if you're not going to hold a grudge I don't see why the rest of us should."

Oliver's head was swimming. He'd had too much to drink.

"Not that we have anything against Lindsay. She seems like a really nice girl too."

Oliver sunk his head in his hands. They were getting nowhere. Their arguments for and against each woman kept on coming back full circle. "This would be the point where I would usually take a serepax," Oliver said.

Nicholas laughed. "Well, seeing that you're in my house let's do it my way and break out the top shelf bottles." He went to the liquor cabinet and brought back a bottle and two fresh glasses.

"Oh god. It tastes like burnt dirt," Oliver cried when he tasted the latest single malt scotch.

Nicholas laughed again. "Come on, man up Ol. Your dad gave me this bottle. It's only fitting you should drink it with me."

They drank and talked well into the night. At some point he collapsed on the bed in Grace and Nicholas' spare room. 

The next morning he woke with a searing headache, but apart from that he was surprised to find that he felt okay. It had been a long time since he had been drunk. 

Nicholas was up and eating pancakes with a smile on his face. He got up from the table and got Oliver some ibuprofen and a tall glass of water. 

"Where is everyone?" He asked

"Grace took the girls out to the mall and Xander is at his friend's house down the street."

"Did we achieve anything last night?" Oliver asked him.

"I don't think so."

"Urgh. What am I going to do?"

"Choose one of them, cut the other one off and stick to it. Forever."

Oliver felt like shit for how he'd behaved with Lindsay the previous day. Thank god they hadn't had sex. He couldn't imagine how hurt and angry she'd be if she knew how he was feeling about Sylvia. 

He hated what he was doing to her. It was so unfair. But what could he do? He couldn't help the way he felt. 

It seemed clear now that he couldn't see her until he'd sorted out what he was going to do. He just hoped that he could do that before she got an appointment with the couples counsellor.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 17



Lindsay called the couples counsellor Ellia recommended first thing on Monday morning. They were in luck, there had been a cancellation on Friday. She booked it right away and then called Oliver to let him know.

"This Friday?" He asked.

"Yeah. At 3:15. Can you make it?"

"Um... Actually I'm going to be out of town."

"Oh. Where are you going?"

"To a training class for work."

"Where is it?"

There was a pause before he said, "California."

"The Bay Area?"

There was another uncomfortable silence. "Yes."

Lindsay took a deep breath to keep her voice from wavering. "Are you going to see Sylvia?"

"I don't know... I was thinking about it."

She felt the prickle of tears in her eyes. "Okay," she said in her calmest voice. "Don't call me again."

"Lindsay, wait, don't hang up," he said quickly.

"What?"

There was silence for a moment. "I'm sorry," he finally said.

She hung up.

She felt so stupid. 

She didn't feel sad when she thought about Oliver anymore, she felt furious. He had used her and made a fool of her. She couldn't believe she had offered him a second chance. He had tried to have sex with her when he knew full well that he was going to have a rendezvous with his ex. What an asshole!

The only way she could think of to get back at him was to meet someone new and be insanely happy with them. 

She called Sue to tell her what had happened and ask her to set her up with any of her eligible friends from work. Sue worked as an administrator in a school and she was friends with everyone; teachers, parents, contractors. 

"Yeah of course Lindsay," she said. "I have someone in mind for you. His name is Andrew and he does all the tech support for us. He owns his own business, is a nice guy, and he's not bad to look at either."

"Great. Let's do it."

"Sure Linz, leave it with me."

"So... How about Friday night?"

"Mmm... How about in a few weeks time?"

"A few weeks? Come on Sue, I'm over Oliver. I want to move on, like, now."

"Lindsay," her friend said gently. "The fact that you're yelling down the phone at me suggests that you might still have some emotions that you're working through."

Lindsay hadn't realised she was yelling. 

"Believe me, you want a little time to get Oliver out of your system so that you don't say or do anything stupid and ruin your chances with Andrew. He's a real catch."

"Okay," Lindsay grudgingly agreed.

"Let Karen and I take care of Friday night. We'll have some harmless fun and let you scream it out, then in a few weeks I'll get you a date."

Lindsay felt mildly relieved now that she had a plan. She consciously tried to replace Oliver with Andrew in her brain, but she didn't know what he looked like. She called Sue again that night.

"I need a detailed physical description of Andrew," she explained .

Sue laughed. "Okay, I'll play this game. He's tall, but most people look tall to me, so I'd guess he might be around six feet? He has sandy blonde hair which is curly when it's getting too long and he needs a haircut. He looks pretty fit, but not in a 'lifting weights in the gym kind of way', more like a 'I was born hot,' kind of way. His eyes are blue... What else?"

"What about his smile? Does he have a nice smile?"

"Yeah, sure. He has a nice smile."

Lindsay couldn't help but think of Oliver's perfect smile. 

"Umm... He has large hands. Slender fingers. I think he plays the guitar... Lindsay, honey, are you crying?"

She was. There were suddenly tears and snot everywhere. "I'm okay," she managed to choke out."

"You're not okay. I'm coming over.

"Greg, I'm going to Lindsay's you'll have to bedtime for the kids tonight and for gods sake don't forget to let the dog out after her dinner," she heard Sue call out to her husband.

Half an hour later Sue showed up on her doorstep with a copy of 'Blades of Glory.'

"My favourite," Lindsay sobbed.

A few minutes later Karen knocked on her door. She was carrying a stack of boxes of raspberries, blueberries and strawberries. 

"Usually I would bring chocolates and icecream," she said. "I was a bit lost buying for you at Walmart."

"Berries are good," Lindsay sniffed. "But it's you guys who are the important ingredient."

They shared a three way hug. She was so thankful for her friends.



8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 18



Oliver felt like the world's biggest asshole.

After his night of drinking with Nicholas he decided that he needed to see Sylvie again before he made up his mind about whether or not a future with her was an option. The theory part of a surgical training course he'd been wanting to take happened to be offered at SF General that week and he took it to be a sign from the universe.

He felt that his first priority should be to Sylvie because of their history. When they were together he had believed that his love for her was so strong that it could survive anything. The fact that it had survived her having an affair, and him having a relationship with someone as amazing as Lindsay, must mean something.

He couldn't stand thinking about Lindsay. What he had done to her made him sick in the stomach. He hated himself for it. Without ever meaning to, he had used her and then strung her along only to devastate her. She deserved so much better than that.

With three scheduled surgeries and a night in which he was called in for an emergency, the week passed at blinding speed. Before he knew it he was in San Francisco and done with his course. He was walking the halls of UCSF Medical looking for Sylvie's office. He hadn't gotten around to calling her to tell her that he was going to visit, so it would be a surprise.

He finally located the grad students' offices in the obstetrics department and found out from the secretary which one was Sylvie's.

She was sitting with her back to the door. Her silky black hair was tied back in a silver clip with a flower design etched into it. Her posture was as perfect as ever as she tapped away at her keyboard.

He tried to decide which emotions he was feeling as he looked at her, but he was blank. There was the recognition that she was very familiar, but nothing else.

"You right dude?"

He hadn't noticed the young man with shaggy hair in the office with her, sitting at his own desk with journal articles spread across it. 

"I'm here to see Sylvie," Oliver said.

Sylvia turned around at the sound of his voice.

"Oliver?... What?..." Surprise was written all over her smooth face. 

Then she smiled.

Oliver waited for his heart to surge, for something to fall into place inside him. But he was still blank.

She crossed the room to him and held out her arms for a hug but something made him step back. He reminded himself that he was single and that he could touch her. Somewhat belatedly, he reached out and hugged her. She squeezed him tight but something inside was screaming at him to let her go. He wasn't blank anymore. His body seemed to be telling him that what he was doing was wrong.

"I'm out here for a course," he said. "Thought I'd stop by and see your new office."

She held an arm out and motioned to the room. "Its not quite an upgrade, but I'm working on it."

"I bet you are."

They went to a coffee shop to talk.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" She asked.

"I didn't know if I'd have time to see you," he lied.

"Oh. You have to leave right away?" Her brow furrowed.

"Yeah, my flight leaves in an hour. I really just have time to say hi and bye," he lied again and it didn't feel wrong.

He got out of there are soon as he could. When they hugged goodbye whatever it was telling him it was wrong was still there, making him feel like he was cheating on Lindsay.

"I won't be calling you anymore," he told her.

"Why? What have I done?"

"It's not anything you have or haven't done," he explained. "Its just that it's time for us both to move on. I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with Lindsay by staying in contact with you. She has been very understanding to this point but now it needs to stop."

She looked down as she nodded.

He took the first flight back available and drove straight to Lindsay's apartment. It was 10 pm and there weren't any extra cars in the stable's parking lot so he was confused when he heard voices, music and laughter from behind her door. He knocked and hoped and prayed that it wasn't another man behind it.

"That'll be the stripper!" A woman's voice yelled loudly and delightedly.

The door opened and a short, obese lady with brown hair cut into a bob looked him up and down. "Whoa Karen, you've outdone yourself!"

"C'mon hot stuff," She slurred as she grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into the apartment. "The birthday girl is in the bathroom but you can set up. Did you bring music?"

The rest of the room froze. Among half empty liquor bottles, and glasses with umbrellas on top, Oliver recognized Sierra and Karen, and perched on the arm of the couch with a half empty glass of wine was Ellia.

"Lindsay," the woman who'd dragged him in called out. "You're totally getting a lap dance from this one. No excuses this year, okay?"

"Oliver," Ellia hissed as she leapt off the couch towards him. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I came to see Lindsay," he said, as if that needed explaining.

The fat lady with the bob looked up at him. "This is Oliver? Lindsay's ex is a stripper?"

Ellia grabbed him by the arm and started to lead him back out.

"Oliver?"

He heard Lindsay's voice and craned his neck around to see her. She was standing at the end of the hallway dressed in a white shirt and small, powder blue shorts that made her legs look impossibly long. Her dark brown hair fell in thick waves around her face. Her cheeks were flushed pink.

She held an unsteady finger towards the front door. "Get out of my house!" she yelled in a triumphant voice. "Sierra, pour me another margarita!"

The apartment erupted in raucous cheers as Ellia hustled him out the door.

"Where's my stripper?" He heard Lindsay yell as somebody turned up the music.

"What were you thinking?" Ellia asked when they were outside.

"I was thinking that she'd be alone."

"On her birthday?"

Oliver was silent.

"You didn't know it was her birthday." Ellia shook her head. "Ollie, you are a ridiculously bad boyfriend. She told me you were going to San Francisco to see Sylvie?"

"I did."

"Are you out of your mind? What sort of cruel and unusual punishment are you trying to wield here? And why?"

"I'm not trying to punish anyone Elle. You're right, I'm a crappy boyfriend for not knowing it was her birthday, but I was trying to do the right thing by making sure Lindsay is the one I am supposed to be with."

Ellia shook her head but didn't say anything.

"You have to help me."

"What?" No! Are you kidding, I'm just as disgusted with you as she is."

"C'mon Elle. You owe me."

"What are you talking about?"

"When you came running back to Micah all those years ago? Who drove you up into the mountains to find him?"

"You want me to drive you up into the mountains? Fine, where are your keys?"

"Ha-ha. No. You need to help me to win her back."

Ellia stared at him with hard eyes. "Tell me that you love her."

"I do. I love her and I will go to the ends of the earth for her."

"Hm."

"I want to give her my mom's ring," he said softly.

Ellia's eyes softened as she turned her head to the side. "Oh Ollie. Wait here. I'll see what I can do."

Oliver sat down on the steps and waited.

The music was turned down.

There was a period of hush punctuated by laughter.

After a moment Ellia opened the door. "You can come in now," she said. "And Ol, everyone's really drunk so just roll with it." She squeezed his arm as she led him back into the little living room of Lindsay's apartment. Sierra, Karen and the woman he assumed must be Sue were all sitting on the couch. Lindsay was curled up on the armchair hugging a cushion. A kitchen chair had been dragged into the middle of the room. Ellia led him to it and motioned for him to sit before she resumed her place perched on the arm of the couch.

"What do you want Oliver?" Lindsay asked. Her voice was confident but her eyes betrayed her sadness.

"To talk. In private."

She shook her head. "These are my friends. It's a package deal."

Oliver really didn't want to do this in front of a bunch of hostile women, but he didn't see what choice he had. "I want to apologize, and I want you back," he said.

She stared at him. "Go ahead."

"I can't help what I have in my past. I owe Sylvia my life so I'm not sorry that I helped her when she needed help, but I am sorry I took on that burden on my own. I should have let you help and I should have asked my family to help.

"I'm sorry that I gave you reason to question my love. Doubting me was a smart thing to do because it was only today that I knew for sure that Sylvia is not who I want in my life. You are the woman I want in my life. You and only you.

"If you let me back into your life I promise that you will never again have reason to doubt me. I promise I will be all yours."

Lindsay bit down on her lip as a tear rolled down her cheek. She used the back of her hand to wipe it away. "Okay," she sniffed. "But I have some conditions."

Oliver let out a breath he wasn't even aware that he was holding in. "Anything."

"You will never have contact with Sylvia again."

He nodded. "Done."

"Ever."

"Understood."

"You can take me on dates, but we're not moving back in together."

"Okay," he agreed.

"For six months," Karen said. "If you can look her in the eye in six months time and say the same thing again, you should be allowed to move in together again."

"And no sex until then!" Sierra added as she wagged a finger in their direction.

"What?" Oliver and Lindsay exclaimed at the same time.

"You said we could help make the rules. This is an awesome rule." Sierra slurred.

"I agree," said Ellia.

"What? Ellia, you're supposed to be helping me. Whose side are you on?" Oliver asked in desperation.

"I'm on her side, idiot. Besides, this is a great rule, but the deadline should be Christmas day."

"Oh! I like that!" Said Karen. "No sex until Christmas day, and then only if he proclaims his undying love to you... And no sleep overs either!"

"That's taking it too far," he complained but quickly shut up when every set of eyes in the room glared him down.

"Why can't they sleep over?" Ellia asked.

"Think of how hard it will be for him to see her. We'll see how serious he is pretty quickly," Karen explained.

"Or she'll spend all her time driving back and forth to his house," Ellia pointed out.

"How about Oliver has to spend at least as much time here as Lindsay does at his house?" Sierra volunteered.

"And you have to spend the rest of the night with your shirt off!" Sue cried as she pointed to him.

"Sue!" Lindsay exclaimed.

"What? You made us cancel the stripper. I want some eye candy."

Lindsay shook her head. "No. I'm not cool with that."

"Pants off?"

"Sue!" Lindsay cried again as she threw a cushion at her friend.

"And you have to get Sue and I spots at your fat farm," Karen added.

"No way, I'm not going to a fat farm," Sue complained.

"C'mon Sue, give it a go. Do it for your kids," Karen pleaded.

"Fat farm?" He was confused.

"It's what we call the program at Somner Farm," Lindsay explained.

"Oh. Yeah, sure. I can do that."

There was a pause and he thought that might be it.

"And you have to look after my kids every Friday night for a month," Ellia added.

"Ellia, what the fuck?" He asked.

She shrugged. "Just getting into the spirit of it."

Oliver shook his head. "Fine, I'll babysit your kids, but I can only do every other Friday. Does anyone else have demands?"

They all looked around at each other, smugly satisfied with their handiwork. 

"Let the party continue!" Sue cried as she held her glass up

In the air. "Karen, did you bring the board games?"

The women dispersed. Someone turned the music back up. 

Lindsay was still sitting in the armchair, hugging her knees. Her eyes rested on his.

He crossed the room to her, walking on his knees so that when he arrived he was at her level. She didn't unfurl herself to greet him.

He placed his hands on her arms. "When I saw her I knew it was a mistake. I knew I should have listened to you and cut off contact with her."

She nodded, her eyes still locked on his. "You chose me." She said quietly.

He leaned in closer. "I will always choose you Lindsay."

Her hand reached out and stroked his cheek. She closed the space between them and kissed him gently on the lips. 

"Bucket of ice water over here please!" Sierra called out as she installed drinks in their hands. 

The rest of the night passed in a blur of cocktails and board games, which became more hilarious the more drunk everyone became. 

At some point Sue's husband arrived with a minivan to cart them all home. 

"I'll be back in the morning," he told her as he kissed her goodnight.

"Not too early," she warned as she smiled up at him.

Oliver thought the rules that Lindsay's friends had set were arbitrary and stupid, but as the weeks passed he realised that he had underestimated the collective wisdom of four drunk women.

Karen was right that he had to put a lot more effort in any time he wanted to see Lindsay. He came to understand that asking her to come around to his place all the time was selfish and lazy. 

He also realised that if he wanted their relationship to work he needed to make it more of a priority than his career. He was so in the habit of putting work first that it felt strange and uncomfortable to not be racing to the hospital or to his consulting rooms non stop all week. Some days when he left work he felt stressed, as if he should be doing more. He reminded himself that even though the time he spent with Lindsay didn't feel like work, they were actually busy building and maintaining the relationship they both wanted. 

He decided to start seeing patients on Saturdays, while Lindsay was giving riding lessons, and taking Mondays off so that his weekend would coincide entirely with hers. Monday quickly became his favourite day of the week. The rest of the world kept on turning while he and Lindsay entertained themselves with whatever outing or activity took their fancy. They hiked, picnicked, shopped, saw movies, went to museums, cooked 4 course dinners together, and all without crowds of people or interruptions from family or friends.

Refraining from sex, while excruciating, was a very interesting experiment. He never realised just how much he depended on sex to express his love. Without it he was lost.

He started buying her flowers and other small gifts and enjoyed watching her smile when he gave them to her. He instigated a policy whereby if something made him think of her when he saw it, he'd buy it.

He started giving her compliments too, and mentioning things that he liked about her which he thought were pretty obvious, but which seemed to delight her none the less. Then he experimented with actually putting his feelings for her into words and those were the times when they came closest to breaking the no sex rule. 

All in all he ended up being happy for the strange set of rules that had been set for him. He felt like they'd given him the opportunity to learn how to be a better boyfriend. 

Of course he was also grateful that the rules would expire, and as the fall turned into winter and the Christmas decorations went up he started to plan for a Christmas Day which would set the stage for their future together.