30 comments/ 57402 views/ 6 favorites Speed of the Sound of Loneliness Ch. 01 By: coaster2 This it the first of three parts. When Molly threw me out of my house four months ago, I didn't know what had hit me. I couldn't figure out why the hell she would want to get rid of me. She said she was bored with me and that I obviously didn't love her any more; if I ever did. Can you imagine a woman you'd been married to for over thirty years saying something like that? I can remember how it all happened as if it was yesterday; as the cliché goes. We were sitting at the kitchen table one Saturday morning in early June; just like we did every morning. I admit, she was pretty quiet and that wasn't so unusual, but she seemed to have something on her mind. Anyway, just as we finished eating, she got up and went to a drawer in the counter and opened it and pulled out an envelope. She sat down and passed it to me. "You better look at this." she said. I looked down at the envelope and saw the neatly printed name and address of a legal firm well known in our town. I had a cold feeling come over me and felt the tightening in my guts. I looked back up at Molly but she was stone-faced; giving away nothing. I picked up the unsealed envelope with dread and pulled out the contents. I unfolded the papers inside and stopped cold when I saw the title of the first page: PETITION FOR DIVORCE "What the hell is this?" I asked her. "What does it look like Jack? I want a divorce and I want you to leave this house. It's as simple as that." She said it like it was a comment about the weather or maybe the price of bread. I admit I was stunned. I couldn't think of anything to say that would sound intelligent. I just sat there stunned. I finally managed something. "Why?" "I don't love you any more Jack. My life is a bore and we don't talk to each other. I don't think you love me either. We just got used to living together." she said continuing her matter-of-fact tone. "I don't plan to live the rest of my life with someone who doesn't love me and doesn't have anything to contribute to my life. There isn't enough time left for either of us." "Jesus, Molly ... this is crazy. You can't just throw me out. I live here too. I'm the only person that earns any money around here. I have something to say about this too." I said. I wasn't sure if that made any sense. I was just rambling and scrambling for anything that would put a stop to this craziness. "Don't get all bent out of shape, Jack. I don't want your money despite what my lawyer tells me. We'll split the savings and retirement stuff. I'll sell the house and you'll get half of the net. I'm not trying to cheat you." She said this like it was rehearsed. It was still mass confusion in my mind. I sat there for a while, looking down and the still folded papers and then up at Molly. I was obviously in shock and yet I knew what was happening. "What are you going to live on, Molly? You know what I earn ... that won't support two households." I said with a sense of control for the first time. "I have a job. I can look after myself. I don't need you or your money Jack." she said in that flat tone again. "When the hell did you get a job?" I demanded. "When I knew I was going to divorce you. I found something I can live on and maybe salvage something of my life for the future." "Salvage? Is that what you think you need to do?" I asked incredulously. "When something is wrecked, that's all you can do, Jack. You salvage what you can and you go on from there." "What about the kids? Our folks? What am I going to tell them?" I asked. "I've already told them. You can tell them whatever you want. I don't care. They know the truth." She said all this in that now irritating monotone that truly transmitted the fact that she didn't give a damn what I said or what I thought. The conversation went back and forth for a while longer with her telling me in so many words what a useless asshole I was and me trying to figure out what I was going to do. I didn't get any sense I was going to change her mind. After I while, I got up and went to the back closet where we kept the suitcases and pulled out a couple and took them to our bedroom. I packed my stuff as best I could manage and hauled them out to the car. I threw them in the trunk and went back into the house. I figured I should say something, but I had no idea what it should be. I stood in the kitchen and looked at her for a moment. Her head was in her hands and I couldn't be sure, but I thought she might be crying. I picked up the envelope and walked out the front door, closing it behind me. I never said a word. -0- Molly kept her part of the bargain. She set up her own accounts and only took out half of what was in each one. I drove by the house a few days later and I saw the For Sale sign on the lawn. All neat and tidy; nothing for me to do but to start my life over again. I was living in a crummy motel on the edge of town, but two nights in that dump told me I needed to find a better place. I looked in the Classifieds and found several listings for furnished apartments and started my hunt for another place. About a day and a half later I found an affordable, not too disreputable apartment in a quiet part of town and signed the lease. I knew my first priority was to work toward getting the hell out of this jail cell as soon as humanly possible. There's only so much pacing you can do in a six hundred square foot apartment. At night, I planned to spend my time watching television and little more. The cablevision gave me a choice of at least fifty channels, one or two of which actually had programs I wanted to watch. I realized I didn't have any choice in my prior life. I watched what Molly wanted to watch and that was that. Now, I could watch what I wanted, when I wanted. I could also drink beer and eat Cheetos whenever I felt like it. I didn't have to get permission or feel guilty. I was free and for a few days, it was a good feeling. A couple of things changed my thinking fairly early on in my new bachelorhood. First, I wasn't sleeping well. I was able to get to sleep, but I was waking up at all hours of the night with my mind operating at full speed. I tried to find things to think about that would put me back to sleep, but I was mired in all kinds of weird thoughts that were tumbling around in my mind. I was trying to decide the difference between loneliness and being alone. A philosophical debate would take place for hours at a time as I tried to untie this Gordian Knot. I tried to dream of beautiful women except I didn't know any and they wouldn't want much to do with me either. I think the thing that caused the change in my lifestyle after Molly chucked me out was one Sunday morning when I got out of the shower and walked into the bedroom to find some clothes for the day. The back of the closet door had a full length mirror and I guess I stopped and looked at myself critically for the first time in quite awhile. What I saw was a 5 foot 9 inch, overweight, white skinned 54 year old male with a beer gut and more hair on his chest than he had on his head. In short, I looked like shit. I couldn't think of a single thing that would attract a woman and I began to see what Molly might have seen. She never said I was ugly, but she beat all around that bush. Now, I could see it for myself. I needed to do something about it if I wanted more out of my life than a heart attack and a lonely funeral. What got me going was a TV commercial for some pharmaceutical or other and the tag line they all used: "Consult your doctor if you plan to use ..." My doctor was Dr. Vic Chapman, M.D. and G.P. He was a good guy and since he was in his mid thirties and pretty fit, I thought I would go to him and get a checkup and some advice about losing weight. Sometimes I do the right thing even when I don't realize it. Vic was a cool guy and he laid it on the line pretty straight after giving me the usual physical and having me provide some blood and urine. His office called me a few days later and set up an appointment for me. "Well, congratulations Jack. You've finally made it into the 'club'. You've been working hard to get there and now you've made it." he said sarcastically. "You have managed to combine Hypertension; also known as high blood pressure, with elevated cholesterol levels and topped it all off with Type 2 Diabetes. That's quite an achievement." I looked at him like he'd handed me a death sentence. "What the hell does that mean? Do I have to have an operation?" I asked, completely thrown by his blunt comment. "No ... no operation ... at least not yet. The club you've joined isn't exclusive; over half the men over forty belong to it in one form or another. It comes from bad diet, no exercise, stress and an assortment of other things including a genetic predisposition from your parents." he said in a more conciliatory voice. "You asked me what it means. It means you're headed in a dangerous direction and if you want to live a reasonably long life, you need to make some changes and you need to make them now!" he stated emphatically. "What kind of changes ... can't you just give me some pills?" I asked. "Sure, I can prescribe pills to manage your blood pressure and help with your cholesterol. For the time being, you can probably control your Diabetes with diet. But none of it will be worth a damn if you keep going the way you've been going." I looked at him and I could see that he was deadly serious. "Jack, what made you come to see me? Have you not been feeling well?" "No ... nothing like that. I guess I saw myself in the mirror the other day and I didn't like what I saw." I said truthfully. "Good ... sounds like you're motivated to fix that. I can give you some suggestions." he offered and he did. For exercise, he suggested walking, biking or swimming but not running; too hard on the joints and too little benefit for too much effort. For diet, he gave me a notice from the Diabetes Association and suggested I go to one of their introductory clinics for some diet advice. Basically, he said they would tell me to lay off fats, reduce carbohydrates and balance my meals throughout the day. He was right and their brochure had some suggestions on what a diet plan might look like. I guess I looked pretty forlorn when he had finished with me and I know he didn't want to discourage me, but I was still upset with Molly and the impending divorce and it was going to be very difficult for me to make a lifestyle change like this and make it stick. That's when Vic came up with a better plan. "Jack, what you're going through with Molly ... that's one of the most stressful things anyone can face. Now you've got this health issue piled right on top of it. I'm going to make a suggestion to you and I hope you take advantage of it. I'm willing to write a letter to your boss that you are suffering from a serious stress disorder and that you are currently unfit for work. Your insurance will cover you for up to six months, but I suggest we give you three months of leave. The insurance company probably won't protest since it's only your second claim and the first one was for your broken arm ten years ago. That will give you three months to get your life in order without having to worry about your job or how you were going to find the time to make all these changes. In three months, you can do a lot of good things for your health and your future." I looked at him for a long moment. "You can do that?" "Yes, and frankly, I think it's a lot closer to the truth than you realize." he said seriously. "My boss will flip. He'll can my ass the minute he hears about this." I said. "Nope ... he can't ... it's the law. And, even if he does, that gives you three months to find something better or at least different. You aren't that old, Jack. You can survive this and come out better on the other side." He was probably right. I hated my job and the asshole boss that made every day miserable. I had tolerated it because I still had two mouths to feed and a mortgage to pay; but all that was over now. I just had myself to look after and I decided right then and there that I was never going back to SandStacker Stone again. The day my medical leave ended was my last day with them, no matter what. As it turned out, it was an academic decision. As I expected, old man Sandivale flipped his lid when he found out I was off for three months and fired me on the spot. I calmly advised him of the law and suggested he talk to his lawyer brother and get his facts straight. A day later I got a phone message from him that the day I came off Short Term Disability, I was fired and there would only be a month's salary as severance. If I wanted to fight it, I knew who my lawyer could talk to. Frankly, I had no interest in fighting it unless I couldn't find work by then. I would wait him out, but I was getting what I wanted from the miserable bastard anyway; my freedom after twenty seven years of continuous employment. I couldn't believe how much better I felt almost immediately. It was like a weight was lifted off my back. I had an income and I had a sense that my future was in my own hands for once. I began my exercise program with walking every morning and after supper. I went to the Community Centre and checked the schedule for public swimming and found two decent times; mixed adult swimming at three on Wednesday afternoons and mixed adult on Sunday evening at seven. I hadn't been swimming since I was in my twenties and I was hoping I wouldn't drown the first time out. It was more difficult and more strenuous than I had remembered; but then I was trying to move a lot more mass through the water than thirty odd years ago. I kept at it and it got a bit easier, but never very easy. It was also a bit of a social time as several women were in the Wednesday class. I at least had someone to talk to and compare my progress with and it was encouraging. I had begun to extend my walks after the third week and I was feeling a lot more energetic in the mornings. The evening walks were a little less aggressive and more for end-of-the-day relaxation purposes. I got a little bored with my usual routes and began to seek out alternatives to reduce the boredom. One morning I was walking down the main drag and I noticed an office that I hadn't seen before: The State Office of Employment. I made a mental note of its hours and later that day, walked back to the location and went inside. A very pretty young lady in her mid-twenties asked me what she could do for me and I explained my employment situation and what I had been told was my severance. She smiled and said something about being glad I had stopped in. "Mr. Tompkins, I think I can help you. Under state law, anyone with more than fifteen years of continuous employment with a single employer is entitled to the maximum severance; provided you were not fired for cause. You are entitled to ninety days with full benefits plus any owed vacation; thanks to your long service. What I can do for you is write you a letter with a copy of this regulation. I suggest you send a copy of it to both your former employer and their lawyer and wait and see what happens. If necessary, we can intervene if he fails to live up to his legal obligations. If he decides to fight this, then we can take more decisive action based on a formal complaint from you. Will that help?" "Boy, will it ever. I can't thank you enough. You just made my day ... hell, you just made my summer!" I leaned over the counter and gave her a big, wet, smacking kiss on the cheek and watched her blush a crimson red. I left the office floating on air. I now had six months of that bastard's money and plenty of time to find another job. I couldn't remember feeling this good and I began to think my luck had changed. When I stepped on the scales at the end of the month, I knew I had lost weight but I didn't know how much. Eleven pounds! From 207 down to 196 in just over four weeks. I couldn't believe it. More than I thought possible. I was on a high and I was more committed than ever to my new lifestyle. I began to push myself a little harder in the walking and swimming. I was going to be in the best shape of my life when this summer was over and it was only going to get better from there. At the end of the second month, I had only lost another seven pounds and I was disappointed. I talked to a couple of people at the pool that Sunday night and they both said the same thing; the first pounds are the easiest and every month after that it gets a little harder and they don't come off as quickly. After all, it took me years to put on the gut I'd been packing around and now it was going to take some time and effort to get rid of it. On the other hand, when I looked in the mirror on my closet door, it could see the difference. I kept putting off buying new clothes until fall. I could live with pants that were a bit baggy in the ass and shirts that were a bit loose. It was kind of a badge of progress in a way. At the end of the third month, a week after Labor Day, I had lost another six pounds and I now weighed 183. I definitely needed new clothes and decided that thanks to the generosity of SandStacker, I could afford it. I had sent the letter from the State Employment Office to Sandivale and a copy to his shyster brother and bided my time. It took them six weeks to get around to acknowledging my letter and I had to laugh out loud when I read the double-talk bullshit those slimy bastards used to admit they couldn't get out of paying me the three month severance. Another banner day in the resurrection of Jack Tompkins! When I walked out of the men's store in the local mall, I felt like a new man all over again. I had three pairs of khaki slacks, stain resistant and stretch fit. I had bought three oxford cotton button-down no-iron shirts in solid colours and three more pattern sport shirts in the same material. I put the bags in the trunk of my car and returned to the mall and headed for the shoe store. I spent over a hundred dollars on a pair of Rockport dress shoes and almost $75 on a pair of Bridgeport boat shoes that were too comfortable not to buy. I had already bought a pair of Columbia all-weather walking shoes when I had started my exercise program and I would never go back to ordinary shoes again. I took my dress-black Bostonian's into the shoe repair and had them re-soled and re-heeled to complete my shoe wardrobe. I had spent nearly three hundred dollars on foot ware in the last few weeks; more that I had probably spent totally in my adult life and I didn't regret one dime of it. My final trip that day was to the J.C. Penny store for new underwear, socks and some cotton polo shirts. I also picked up a couple of simple cotton pullovers for cooler weather walking and I was set for the fall. I looked in the mirror in my new ensemble and I smiled at what I saw. The newly improved Jack Tompkins was looking a lot better. I had cut my hair short; leaving nothing on the sides and back but a half inch and it seemed to make me look younger. The beer gut was gone and when I called Vic to make an appointment for my examination at the end of my three month stress leave, I was pretty sure he would be satisfied. "Jack, you look terrific. I'm impressed! I'm also really happy for you. I've got your blood tests back and you're doing fine controlling your Diabetes. Your weight is down to 179 and that's a huge improvement. Your blood pressure is normal and you cholesterol is better, but still a bit high in one area. We'll have to see if we can come up with a plan for that. Otherwise, you've worked wonders in the last three months. Congratulations!" "Thanks. I feel a lot better and strangely enough, I have a lot more confidence in myself. I've got another three months to look for a new job and I've got a couple of leads that I want to follow up, so there's hope for this old guy yet." I smiled. Speed of the Sound of Loneliness Ch. 01 "How does Molly feel about all this change?" he asked innocently. "I haven't seen Molly since I left. I talked to her on the phone a couple of times, but nothing to do with my health or what I was doing. She knows I was off on stress leave; that's about it." "Oh ... sorry. I shouldn't have been so nosey." he apologized. "No need. I've been thinking about seeing her to see how she's doing. I'm not sure about that. Maybe I just want to rub her nose in it a bit when she sees what changes I've made." "Well, she couldn't help but be impressed. I want to see you every three months for the next year, Jack. I want to make sure everything is stable. Here's a card for the clinic; get them to take a blood sample each time a few days before your appointment, OK?" "Sure. Listen, Dr. Chapman ... Vic. I can't thank you enough for your help. You got me going in the right direction finally. I just wish I'd come to you a lot sooner." "It's never too late, Jack. Good luck with your job hunt and plan on seeing me at year end." he smiled. It was another high. I had put a stop to my deteriorating health. I wouldn't ever be perfect again and I would always need medication for my blood pressure and cholesterol at least, but I felt better and more optimistic about my future. Now I needed something to do to earn some money to make that part of my future better. I had answered an ad for a new position at a plastics manufacturer in Drayton; about twenty miles north of town. It was apparently a fast growing business and needed some people to get their systems under control. I got a phone call in mid-September that they were ready to interview and could I make myself available on Thursday, two days from now, at 10:30 am. I called them back immediately and told them I would be there. A couple of weeks earlier, I had bought an old computer and printer in a garage sale with idea that at least I could have a word processor and some basic functions available. When I booted it up after I got it home, I discovered it had an older version of Office and with Word, Excel, and an early version of a data base, I had everything I needed for a home office base. I resisted an internet hookup for a while, but recognized I would need an e-mail address sooner or later and signed on with the phone company for a basic high-speed service. I typed up what I thought was a resume and printed it out; looking it over carefully for any errors. I had something to offer when it came to organizational skills as well as being pretty handy with computer based programs; particularly those that used a Windows base. I had no idea what to expect. The last job interview I'd been to was nearly thirty years earlier and it consisted of showing my high school certificate and demonstrating I could keep records accurately. I wasn't exactly prepared for the new business world. I thought my best option was to go with honesty and tell them what I could do and what I couldn't do. I was fifteen minutes early getting to the new Interstate Plastics plant and instead of sitting in the car, I decided to walk around the site to see what I could see. It was new, so there wasn't much to judge about the neatness of the site. It had a rail siding with room for about five, maybe six cars. It had five truck bays and a large turn-around area for the truckers. It had been well thought out I felt. I was encouraged. About five minutes before my interview, I walked into the office on the main floor and asked to see Mr. Rothmann. Aser Rothmann walked out from the corridor leading to the back offices and smiled as he saw me stand. He was a stocky, thickly built man with powerful looking arms and a thick neck. His hair was going gray and I guessed his age to be mid-forties. I was wearing my one and only blue blazer; new for the occasion. I had a light blue oxford shirt and tan khaki pants with my new dress Rockports. For the first time since my daughter's wedding, I wore a tie. Rothmann, on the other hand, wore a forest green polo shirt, tan khakis and a pair of Top-siders. I needn't have worried about my dress for the interview. He introduced himself and asked me to follow him down the corridor to his office. It was large and simply decorated; neat and tidy I noticed. "Please sit down, Mr. Tompkins." he gestured to a comfortable chair in a semi-circle of chairs with a coffee table in the middle. "May I call you Jack?" "Of course, sir." I quickly replied; probably betraying my nervousness. "Relax, Jack. You can call me Aser. We're pretty informal around here." he smiled. We chatted for a few minutes about what I had been doing at SandStacker and what specific skills and experience I had on systems and logistics. He didn't take notes, but I got the sense he wasn't missing anything either. I felt the interview was going pretty well and he was asking the kind of questions that would bring him the answers he needed to know and not useless stuff. I wasn't really ready for the one question he asked near the end of the interview. "Jack, what would you say is the most important value when a company is buying its raw materials?" I sat back and gave the question some thought before I answered. "I think ... no ... I know that too often companies make buying decisions on price alone. I saw it all the time at SandStacker. The problem is that the money saved on the purchase price was usually thrown away on the shop floor when the product didn't perform. I don't pretend to know the resin business, sir, but I'm betting not all resins are created equal and the trick is to get the balance that gives you the best cost out the back door as finished goods." I sat back waiting for his response; hoping I hadn't stepped on some sensitive toes. Aser smiled and nodded. "Couldn't have said it better myself. Jack, I'd like you to meet Keith Slocum. He's our Production Manager; an ex-Brit and very knowledgeable. I want him to get a feel for you as well. Do you mind?" "No, of course not, sir." I said quickly. Rothmann picked up his phone, punched a single button and waited for a moment. "Keith, I have a candidate in my office. Can you spare some time for him now?" There was a brief pause. "Great! Come to my office and you can meet in the board room." "Keith will be here in a moment. Do you have any questions for me, Jack?" "Uh yes ... the job description was pretty vague and I wondered if you could tell me what your expectations are?" "Good question. In fact, it will depend on the skills of the best candidate. We need someone with good organizational skills, good communications with various departments, some negotiating experience and generally the type of person who would fit well into what I call the "Interstate Culture". That's a fancy way of saying that he gets along well with people." he smiled. "Well ... Aser, I feel pretty comfortable with everything except the negotiating part. I haven't done that before; the boss did everything. I don't think I'm the kind of person who would do well at beating down a supplier. I always tried to make them want to do well for us." "Jack, I think you're going to do just fine. I don't beat up suppliers either. I just don't want them taking advantage of us. Some of them are among the world's largest corporations and they get funny ideas in their head sometimes. The resin business is a loosely formed cartel of like-minded chemical companies. You don't negotiate with them as much as you seduce them." he laughed. I breathed a little easier except for that bit about my doing just fine. Did that mean I had the job? I hadn't even asked how much it paid. I had just about opened my mouth to ask when a slightly built younger man walked into the office. We made the obligatory introductions with a minute's small talk and then Keith ushered me out toward a large, open but windowless room. There was a large table with at least a dozen chairs around it and the walls had pictures of products and samples were displayed in glass cabinets along the end wall. Like everything else in the place, it was new and the leather and fabric covered chairs were very comfortable. Keith and I chatted about business philosophy for several minutes. I couldn't detect any points of disagreement, but maybe he was playing his cards close to his vest. I found him easy to talk to and we certainly agreed on the need for back and forth communications to stay on top of things. He was anxious to see some systems implementation in the near future for both production planning and materials management. We chatted about what the key requirements were and I already had an idea in the back of my mind what might fit the bill without breaking the bank. We talked for about twenty minutes before he looked at his watch and apologized; excusing himself for a Shop Supervisor's meeting. He escorted me back to Rothmann's office and I thanked him for his time. He smiled, nodded to Aser and left the office, heading toward the shop floor. "Well, congratulations Jack, you must have made a favorable impression on Keith. He just gave me the 'thumbs up'; English style." he grinned. "I like him." I said simply. "He's sharp and sensible. He was listening to ideas without any preconceptions." Rothmann smiled and we sat down again. "I suppose you're wondering what this job pays." he said. "The thought had crossed my mind." I smiled. "Well, the truth is, I don't know yet. The reason is, the more the candidate is able to do, the more he'll earn. I'd like you to meet with our Sales Manager, Chuck Freeman. I suggested he take you to lunch. He's another key part of this business and you need to know what he's up to as well. Are you OK for time?" "Yes ... I'm fine. Thanks for all this attention. But I do have one other question, if it's OK?" I said. "Shoot." "Does my age have any bearing on my chances here?" "None. First of all, age discrimination is illegal, even though it's hard to prove. Secondly, I want the best person for the job; regardless. Out in the engineering department I have a man who's 72 years old. He specializes in die design and modification. He's a valuable employee and we would be lost without him." he concluded. I guess I must have smiled at that. There was one more thing. "Just so there's no misunderstanding, Aser. This is exactly the kind of company I want to work for. I'll just assume that the pay is in line with the work." Aser Rothmann smiled and nodded. "Come along ... let's find Chuck." And with that we headed back out to the lobby and the receptionist paged Mr. Freeman. When he came into the lobby, I was surprised. He was a redheaded bowling ball. If he was five and a half feet tall, he was five and a half feet wide. His brush cut hair was bright red and his age appeared to be mid-thirties. I shook his fat little hand and we headed out the door to his SUV. We traveled for about ten minutes, pulling into a ranch-style restaurant just off the main highway. Chuck knew everyone in the place and everyone knew Chuck; including a number of the customers. We settled into a booth and Chuck ordered a club soda and a Cob Salad. I had an ice tea and the Spinach Salad. "You don't have to order a salad just 'cause I am." Chuck smiled. "I'm on my tenth or eleventh different diet; still trying to lose weight." he sighed. "It's a fuckin' waste of time. I'm goin' to get them doctors to carve it off me; just like the whalers did." he laughed. "In the meantime, I'm pretendin' I'm a rabbit." "I guess I can count myself lucky." I said thoughtfully. "You lose a bunch of weight?" he asked, looking up with interest. "Yah ... from nearly 210 down to less than 180 and still working at it." "Shit man ... I can only dream of 210." he said wistfully. We talked for a while about health and fitness and it was obvious it was weighing on Chuck's mind. He knew he needed to do something about it, but he was frustrated with all the free advice and miracle cures being thrown at him. Finally, he asked me the question I expected. "What got you goin' in the right direction?" "My wife threw me out. She was tired of me. Said I bored the hell out of her." I deadpanned. Chuck laughed heartily, nearly choking on his salad. "Shit man ... maybe that's the solution. I'll just get the old trout to throw me out and I'll be OK." We got down to brass tacks a couple of minutes later and it didn't take long to figure out that underneath Chuck's rough exterior was a very sharp brain. He understood selling value and not falling prey to the price point vultures. The more I talked to him, the more I could see why Aser Rothmann wanted this guy as his head of sales. He knew how to sell and understood the strategy of his products and his customers. I got a stronger and stronger feeling that I really wanted this job. All of a sudden, the salary wasn't that important. Chuck dropped me off at the parking lot and I went inside to thank Aser for the thorough interview as well as the lunch. He was out and I asked the receptionist to thank him for me. I could call him tomorrow she suggested. He would be in all morning. I thanked her and headed out to my car and began the drive home. Along the way I wondered what chance I had for this job. I wanted it very badly; more than I thought I would want any job. I was excited that I even had a chance, but I was afraid to get my hopes up. I would call Aser in the morning and thank him; hoping I would get a clue from him then on how well I did. I walked into my apartment later that afternoon and noticed the light flashing on my answering machine. I looked down and saw that there were two messages and decided they could wait a few minutes. I wanted to change out of my dress clothes into something more comfortable. I pulled on a new pair of Wranglers and dark blue polo shirt and headed for the kitchen. I pulled out my pitcher of unsweetened Ice Tea, poured a glass and headed for the answering machine. The first message caught me by surprise. It was Molly and she wanted me to call her tonight after she got home from work. The number she left was the same number we had at the old house. I hadn't been by in several weeks and I didn't know if she had sold the house or not. Maybe that's what the call was about. Or, maybe it was about one of the kids. That wasn't likely. They knew my number; I talked to them a couple of times a month. I'd just have to wait and see what she wanted. The second message was from Aser Rothmann and I could feel my heart freeze in my chest when I heard his voice. The message was short and sweet; very sweet. He apologized for not being able to say goodbye today, but asked if I could come and meet with him tomorrow or the first day it was convenient. He had a job he wanted to offer me. I thumped back down in the chair beside the phone and just stared off into space. How did this happen? What gods were riding on my shoulder all of a sudden? I'd gone from the asshole that Molly cast away to a guy with a bright future. I had a new body and new wardrobe and now I had a new job at a place I really wanted to be. I called Interstate's office and left a message for Aser that I would be there tomorrow morning at nine am if that wasn't too early. This called for a celebration. I walked to my kitchen pantry, pulled out a bottle of Cabernet I'd been saving for a special occasion and over the next two and a half hours, drank the whole damn thing and enjoyed every last drop. It wasn't the smartest thing I could have done. I had conveniently forgotten that I needed to phone Molly after dinner and here was I without anything in my stomach except a bottle of Cabernet and it was almost six o'clock. I decided not to panic and made a pot of coffee and began to prepare my evening meal. Molly could wait until I was good and ready to phone her. It was about eight o'clock when the phone rang and I put down the magazine I was reading and picked it up. "Jack ... it's me, Molly." she said when I answered. "I left a message to call. Did you get it?" "Yah ... I got it. I was busy and was going to call you shortly." I lied. "Jack ... there's a couple of things I need to talk to you about. I don't want to do it on the phone. Can we get together somewhere?" "Yah ... I guess so. I have to go out tomorrow, but I'll be home after dinner. Where do you want to meet?" My voice was very non-committal and I wasn't giving her any more information that she absolutely needed. "Why don't we meet at "Bruno's?" she suggested, naming a fairly quiet diner not far from our old house. "OK ... what time?" "Seven thirty?" "OK ... see you at seven thirty at Bruno's. Bye." And with that I hung up. It was about as cold a conversation as I could have produced. I was damned if I was going to sound anxious to see her. She was in for a big enough surprise when she saw me anyway. I headed for Drayton just after eight. Once again, I was determined not to be late. I was almost vibrating I was so excited about this job. I just hoped it was something worthwhile and that the salary would be enough to keep me solvent. I thought about my meeting with Molly that night and I wanted to plan something to really catch her off-guard. I would wear some of my new clothes and I wondered what he reaction would be when she saw me. I knew I looked very different from the last time we had been together and I suspected she was in for a shock. I also wondered just how much to tell her about my new life; my exercise, my health, my diet and now my new job. I guess I'd just have to play that card when the time came. I was more than twenty minutes early by my estimation and so I stopped at a little coffee shop and ordered a decaf latte to give me something to do and kill some time. It didn't help. I gulped the coffee and headed for the plant. You never know; there might have been a road block or something. I sat in the lot for about ten minutes before going inside and I was surprised to see Aser and another man sitting in the lobby, chatting to each other. I smiled as Aser rose and addressed me: "Jack, good to see you again. Thank you for coming back so soon." He turned to the man beside him. "Jack this is Phil Tupper; our Controller. He's the financial brains of Interstate and my right hand man. I wanted him to meet with us when we talked. Shall we go in?" I shook Phil's hand and followed them into Aser's office. Aser closed the door behind us and we sat in the now familiar comfortable chairs around the coffee table. "Jennifer will bring some coffee and biscuits in shortly." he said. "Well Jack, I'm sure you're wondering what we have in mind for you and think we owe you an explanation for the unusual way we hire people." Aser began. "This is still a small business but it's growing very quickly and we need to get a grip on it quickly before we get ourselves into trouble. Phil will be the first to tell you that we are stretched too thin in administrative staff and that we don't have the systems or resources yet to haul ourselves out of that trap. When we interviewed you, we were looking for someone to look after basic purchasing and maybe some shipping logistics. When Keith and I talked, we realized you were capable of more than that. In addition, you had some ideas about store-bought systems that we could implement to get us off and running in a hurry. We need a lot of help and we think you can get us going in the right direction." Aser stopped and paused for a moment. He was about to begin again when there was a knock at the door and a young lady entered with a tray of mugs and a plate of biscuits. She set the tray down on the coffee table and stood as Aser introduced her. "Jack, this is Jennifer Sullivan and she heads up our customer service department. Jennifer has been with us since the origin of the company and is very good at her job. Jennifer, this is Jack Tompkins; who, if we're lucky, will be joining us here." he grinned. Speed of the Sound of Loneliness Ch. 01 At this stage, my head was spinning and I was in danger of blurting out some crazy question about what job? Jennifer shook my hand with a firm grip and smiled. "I hope you'll be happy here, Jack. It's a great company." With that, she turned and left the room, closing the door behind her. "Jennifer isn't hired to serve coffee; we have a rule that everyone gets to act as host or hostess to guests and it was her turn today. It could be me tomorrow." Aser said with a grin. "Jack, I don't want to leave you dangling here forever. Here's what we've got in mind. You would become our Logistics Manager. To start with, you would need to assess and develop operating systems for production planning, inventory management, sales forecasting and purchasing. Keith said you had some ideas about how that could be done with a minimum of fuss. You'll need to do the training of the staff and you'll need to work with Phil to develop the budget. We have a financial accounting system and we're hoping that we can integrate your systems into it, if possible. Otherwise, we'll have to decide how to proceed. Does any of this sound like too much or not within your scope of experience?" he asked. "Uh ... well, I won't pretend I've done all those things, but I spent too much of my time at the old place trying to make a bunch of spit and baling wire systems work. I learned a lot of tricks and I think I know where most of the land mines are buried. I won't go on record to guarantee an easy development because I don't know your business, but I think we should be able to do all those things and maybe even more if the gods are with us." I hoped I sounded optimistic because that's the way I felt. "I'd like to include customer service and order entry into the equation because it will be necessary at some point and sooner is always cheaper than later." I looked at the two men for their reaction and the first thing I saw was a great big grin on Aser's face and a look of relief on Phil Tupper's. "Then what's important now is to discuss your terms of employment. We expect you to succeed, but like everyone, top to bottom, we all go through an evaluation period. We will have a meeting with you after three months, six months and a year. If everything goes the way I expect it to, you will have annual reviews conducted by myself with input from the other management staff. Understood?" "Yes. It'll be quite a change. I've never had a review. I'd just get yelled at now and then." I laughed. "Well, I don't know how anyone can work without knowing how they are doing. Anyway, I asked Phil to prepare a compensation package that reflects the work load, job category and industry standards. He's had it typed up and I don't want you to rush through it. I'd like you to use the open office at the end of the hall and look it over carefully. If you have any questions, Phil's office is right next door and I'll be here as well. When you're ready to talk about it, come and see us. OK?" "Yes ... of course." I stammered. I looked around the room for a moment and then just before walking out, I turned back to them. "I've never had a job interview before ... at least not a formal one. I can't imagine they are all like this. However you have made this decision, I'm delighted I get the choice to join Interstate. I knew I wanted to work here when I left yesterday afternoon and the only difference today is that I'm even more sure. Thank you very much. I feel very good about this." I turned and walked down the hall to the empty end office. I sat down with my head swimming. I tried to look at the employment offer, but I couldn't focus and I needed to calm down. I walked out to the lobby and asked for a glass of water. The receptionist pointed to an alcove off the hallway as she was talking on the phone and I waved my thank you. As I filled the glass, another thought came to my mind. Once I've got all these systems in place, what's my job? Purchasing Agent? It was a question that needed to be answered. As I walked down the hall I noticed Aser's door was closed but Phil's was open and he was reading something on his computer screen. I knocked softly. "Phil, something I guess I should have asked earlier. When all these systems are in place, what becomes of my job?" Phil laughed and leaned back in his chair. "If you get all this stuff up and running, you can probably name your job. However, I think Aser is looking for a Chief Organizer. Off the record, we don't intend to just sit with this one operation. Our product is light and therefore, shipping costs are an issue. We think we may have to develop two or even three more locations to properly service our national clients. I don't think you have to worry about working yourself out of a job, Jack. By then, you'll be ready to retire." I could hear my breath as I let the air out of my system. I had been unbelievably tense over the past couple of hours; from the drive out here to the meeting in Aser's office. I still didn't know what the offer was. I needed to sit down and concentrate ... now! I nodded my thanks to Phil and walked next door to the empty office and closed the door. I sat down and pulled the papers before me. I began to deliberately read each line of each paragraph. Luckily, it wasn't the usual legalese. It was written in plain English and when I got to the salary figure, I froze. They were offering me over fifty percent more than SandStacker had paid me. But that wasn't all. It was the starting salary and I would have a salary review after three, six and twelve months. If I passed those reviews, I would receive increases; a modest 5% at the first two reviews, but rising to 10% at the year end review. I would have a fully paid health plan as well as a profit sharing plan which was company wide and a special executive bonus plan that was based on outstanding performance. I didn't need to read any further. I put the paper down, leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. Something had happened to me that I didn't or couldn't understand. I wasn't just the new, improved Jack Tompkins. I was luckier than I had any right to expect. I couldn't figure out why, but I was almost ready to thank Molly tonight for throwing me out. Everything seemed to stem from that day. Was I living in a dream world? Was this some kind of sick, cosmic joke being played on poor old Jack? Well, I thought, if it is, I plan to enjoy every single moment of it. I picked up the papers and opened the door and knocked on Phil's door. He looked up and smiled and asked; "Well, what do you think?" "It's very generous. I'd be a fool not to accept. Where do I sign?" "No signature necessary, Jack. Why don't we go tell Aser and we can get started on your new career." he smiled. We walked down the hall and after a brief tap on Aser's door, Phil opened it and we stepped in. For the next few minutes we talked about starting date, first priorities, introductions to employees and suppliers as well as location of my new office; interestingly the one I had been using to look at the employment offer. "When do you want to go down to the dealer to select your car?" Phil asked. "Huh?" was my clever response. "Your company car ... Oh! Let me guess. You didn't get to the second page ... right?" he asked smiling. "I guess I didn't ... I couldn't imagine there would be any more ... I guess I was wrong." I said feeling very small. "Well, no harm done. You get a company car, a Toyota Camry. Aser wants us to project an image of quality and still be American. The Camry is built not far away in Kentucky. You can select a color you like at the dealer. I can go with you and let you know what your options are." Phil volunteered. "Uh ... thanks. That would be great. Can we do that next week? I'm just still trying to absorb the idea of the new job." I said. "I understand." he said. "I suppose you didn't notice the part about the personal computer. You'll be receiving a Toshiba Satellite Laptop for your office and when you travel." "Travel?" "Yes." Aser interrupted. "I want you to get to know our suppliers and their operations. In the beginning, this systems project is going to require you to visit operations that already use the contracting supplier's equipment and programs. There's only so much you can do in this office. You need to be out and learning our business, our suppliers and our industry. It's going to be a very busy time for you." he said seriously. I nodded. This was still a difficult change in my life to absorb. I picked up the employment contract and folded it into my inside pocket of my blazer. I would read all the gory details at home this weekend. I was too unsettled to manage it now. I needed to calm down and try and put this wonderful two days into perspective; if I could. "Are there any other surprises?" I asked with a smile. "No, I don't think so. Welcome aboard." Aser beamed as he held out his hand. I shook it gratefully and then Phil's. I was still convinced this was some kind of hallucinatory dream. It couldn't be true. It was too good to be true. I walked out in a trance, said good afternoon to the receptionist and headed for my car. I sat in the car for some time before I put the key in and pulled out of the lot and headed for home. There were going to be some very big changes in my life and they were going to happen almost right away. I needed to calm down and get a grip. They were going to pay me a lot of money to do a lot of work. I had better be ready. On my way back to my apartment, I thought about what I might want to change about my life. Obviously, I could afford a better place to live, but where? Should I move to Drayton? If I was going to be traveling, I would need a proper wardrobe for business. I might need a passport. I'd better apply soon. I couldn't afford to let Aser and Phil know that I had never really been anywhere before. I had to learn as I went. Expense account? I saw something about that in the agreement. I better read that carefully. Shit, so much to learn so fast. I hoped I was up to it. When I got home, my message light was flashing again and I pushed the button as I walked by toward the kitchen. It was Molly, reminding me of our 'date' at seven thirty at Bruno's. Jesus, it wasn't even noon and she was thinking I might not remember. I thought about it for a minute. Perhaps she's anxious. Maybe she's heard about my new job and wants in on the action. No, couldn't be. I haven't told anyone. What's on her mind, I wondered. Well, whatever it is, for a change, I have the upper hand. She doesn't know anything about my new life. My appearance is going to be a big enough shock for her. I had already decided I was going to keep my new life to myself. Let her wonder. She was in for a big shock and it was coming at seven thirty tonight. -0- The Speed of the Sound of Loneliness is from the John Prine Songbook. John is a good 'ole boy from south Indiana. Speed of the Sound of Loneliness Ch. 02 Ch: 02 Who said it doesn't get any better than this? The Second of Three Chapters. I wasn't going to be late for my meeting with Molly. If I had to sit in the parking lot until 7:29, I wanted to make an entrance that she wouldn't forget. She threw me out like yesterday's newspaper and I wanted her to see what she had created. I secretly hoped she would be jealous, if not worried that I had pulled one over on her. I was determined that I was going to give her nothing in the way of information about my new life except the basics. I was going to teach her a lesson. At exactly seven thirty I walked through the front door of Bruno's and looked over the sparse crowd trying to find Molly. I finally spotted her over in a corner, by herself and looking around as if she was trying to find me. I began to walk toward her booth without looking at her and got to within a few feet before she looked up at me. At first she didn't recognize me, but finally she blinked and realized it was me. "Jack?" was all she could manage. "Molly. How are you?" I asked politely. "Jack. You look so ... different. What's going on?" "Well, I guess I lost a bit of weight." I offered nonchalantly as I slid into the booth on the other side of the table. "Yes ... I can see that. You look a lot ... better." she stuttered. "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself." I offered. In fact, she didn't. Her hair was a lot neater and she'd obviously dyed it to hide the grey. She might have lost some weight and she was wearing a much more appealing dress than she usually wore. I always thought she bought her clothes at the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. "You've bought some new clothes." she commented. "Yah, well the old ones didn't fit anymore, so I pretty much had to." The waitress came. Molly was sipping some kind of cocktail, but I ordered an Ice Tea. Take that woman! The new, disciplined Jack. "How's the job?" she asked. Was this a trick question? Did she know something about my new job? I couldn't figure out how she could, so I told her the truth. "I don't work for asshole Sandivale any more." I said bluntly "What happened, did you get fired?" she said with a wrinkled brow. "Sort of. He fired me for being on sick leave. I got a severance and I've got a new job starting next week." I gave her the minimum of information. "Jeez Jack. Are you going to be OK?" she asked. Now I knew that she didn't know anything about Interstate. "Yah ... I'll be OK. I'll make out." I offered minimally. "Maybe it's just a well, Jack. You hated that job anyway." "Yah ... no doubt about it. I won't miss SandStacker for a minute." We looked at each other, sizing the other up and trying to see what was going on behind our facades. "How's your health now? Are you alright?" "Yah ... pretty much. Doctor Vic arranged for stress leave to give me some time to ... get better. That just ended last week, but they had to pay me some severance when they fired me, so I'm OK that way. I feel a lot better ... been exercising and diet and things." I made light of the effort I had put in. "You happy with your new job?" I asked. "Yes. It's a good job in a nice place. It's Marie's Sewing and Quilt Shop on Union Street. They've been around a long time and with my experience, they were happy to have me." she said looking at her hands. There was something uncomfortably unfamiliar about this meeting. We were sparring without really saying what we wanted to say. She was obviously surprised at my appearance, but she was holding back. I was surprised at her appearance, but I wasn't that curious. For two people that had been married for as many years as we had, we didn't seem to want to explore the changes. Then Molly changed the topic. "Jack, I sold the house this week. Finally! We got a little over two hundred thousand for it. Not bad according to the real estate agent." "That's good ... I guess. Where are you living?" I asked. "Well, that's the thing. This young couple bought it for their parents to live in but they aren't ready yet. It's kind of like an investment. So I made a deal with them to live in the house for rent while they wait for the old folks to come out. It was easier that way. I didn't have to move and I know the house, so, like I said, it was easier." she explained. "Yah ... I guess so." I offered with a non-committal tone. "Where should I send the cheque for your share of the house?" she asked. "Where do you live? "In an apartment over on Olive Street ... for now. Call me and I'll let you know where to send it." "Is it a nice place ... your apartment?" "No ... not really. I'll be looking for another place ... my new job is in Drayton." I said simply. "Are you going to move to Drayton?" she asked with a hint of concern. "I don't know. I'll wait and see. I can commute for now. I'll let you know where I work and if I'm going to move." I offered. She looked at me and then down at her hands again. She picked up her drink and sipped it was she studied my face. I was hoping I wasn't giving anything away. "Was there something else you wanted to talk to me about, Molly?" I finally asked. "Yes. I guess you've noticed that the divorce hasn't gone through." she said quietly. I was suddenly paying attention. I quickly realized that I hadn't seen anything of the proceedings since I'd signed the papers and sent them back to her a couple of days after she had asked me to leave. "Yah ... I haven't heard a thing. Is there a problem?" I asked. "No ... I never filed. I just never got around to it. I'm not sure why." she confessed. She looked like she might start to cry and I didn't want that. I waited for her to continue. She must have had a reason. Finally she looked up and tried to explain. "I got to thinking. We had all those years and they weren't all bad years and ..." she began to cry. Her shoulders shook and her hands covered her eyes and I felt very sad all of a sudden. This was a shitty way to get revenge. "So have you changed your mind, Molly?" I asked. "I don't know. I don't know. I've been so lonely and I've been trying to remember why I was so unhappy. I was lonely when you were there and now I'm still lonely. It doesn't make any sense." she cried. "You hurt me pretty badly, Molly. You told me you didn't want me or need me or even care for me any more. You can't expect me just to throw that aside and say ... oh well ... that's OK." I said with some anger. "I know Jack. That's what I've been trying to deal with. Why was I so upset? I must have been very angry with you and I can't remember why. I just remember feeling so empty... so lonely. Just like now." "What do you want from me, Molly?" I asked fairly sternly. She looked at me with a forlorn face and the first signs of a loss of hope. "Maybe nothing, Jack. Maybe it's too late. Maybe it's over for us." she said sadly. She lifted her head from her hands and looked directly into my eyes. "When I saw you tonight, I knew something had changed. Not just your body, but your attitude. You're different than you were. You don't walk the same as before. You seem stronger and more confident. You're not the Jack that left that day in June." "You're right ... I'm not the same Jack and I'm never going back to being him. I discovered I didn't like him very much and one of the reasons I made all the changes I did was because I saw what you saw; a poor, sorry, son of a bitch with nothing to recommend him. Well, I'm not that Jack any more." I spat. "Good for you Jack. You sound like you could see what I could see. It wasn't what we wanted for each other." she said more confidently. "You're right, Molly. One day I looked in the mirror and I saw the real me and I didn't like what I saw at all." I stated emphatically. "I knew I had to change and with a little help, I got it done. What you see is what you caused. I'm the new me because you kicked my ass out." She smiled tentatively. I couldn't tell if she was frightened of me or she was respecting what I had accomplished. It didn't matter. I was nearly through and I wanted to go, but I didn't want to hurt her any more. "What do you really want, Molly. I know you're lonely and to tell the truth, so am I. But I'm not going back to where I was ... ever. I'm the new Jack Tompkins and I'm going to stay the new Jack Tompkins." I was worried that I might have overstated my case, but I left it to Molly to decide. "Maybe ... maybe we ... should try again. Maybe we should try ... dating. Just going out together and see how different we are." she tried tentatively. I was quiet for a while. I wasn't looking at her directly and I was thinking of what kind of answer I could live with. I closed my eyes and let my breath out through my nose. "I ... I don't know Molly. I'll ... think about it. That's the best I can offer. I still have a lot of pain from that Saturday rolling around inside of me. You said some things that burned me to the core. I don't know if I can ... get past that." I looked at her and she seemed on the point of breaking down again. I put my hand over hers and said my goodbye. I slid out of the booth and quietly left the diner. So Molly wanted to reconcile, did she. How nice for her. How convenient. Even if she didn't know about my new life and my new job, it was bloody convenient, wasn't it. I wished I had someone to talk to. I needed to get this whole mess straight in my mind. She and I were lonely. She threw me out and that made things better except ... I was pissed off at her for doing it. It didn't make any sense. -0- The next three months were a whirlwind of work, work and more work. I landed in the job and started running that first morning and by the Christmas – New Years break, I hadn't stopped. I got so much positive reinforcement from the people at Interstate that you'd have thought I was at a Dr. Phil seminar. The good news was I was making progress quicker than they expected. I had sourced and implemented a simple inventory management system; Windows based. I was hot on the trial of a shop floor system that they badly needed and at the same time, I was scouting for an order entry system and a sales forecasting system. They all had to work together and I was getting all the right promises from the vendors, but I'd heard this B.S. before and then all the "exceptions" and "you didn't tell us you needed that" would show up. I was determined I wasn't going to be fooled if I could possibly help it. I dropped into Phil's office one morning and flopped down in the chair in front of his desk. He looked up from his papers and smiled. "What's up, Jack?" "I need some advice ... or a strategy." I explained my concern about the program compatibility and my determination to prevent the usual pitfalls. I did some "blue sky" thinking out loud and when I started to talk about using students in a co-op program from the technical school in town, I saw Phil's eyes widen. "Phil, I need someone to do the grunt work on these programs. They'll need to have someone from our plant to make sure they're putting stuff in the right slots, but I want to take the time consuming work off our staff's hands. We pay them to make plastic containers, not build computer systems." I stated emphatically. "I couldn't agree more. Do you think we could get some students from Drayton Tech to help us in a Co-op program?" "I'm not sure, but it's worth a try. I just want to make sure I know what kind of budget restraints are in place so I don't spend money I shouldn't." Phil smiled at that. "You are well under budget on this project Jack. Go talk to the school and give me a rough proposal. I'd be surprised if we couldn't afford it." "Great. I really want to spend most of my time selecting and blending these systems together so they all work pretty seamlessly." I said, grateful for the support. "Exactly why we hired you. Go to it and come see me when you're ready." And with that, I headed back to my office. Even after three months, I was having trouble coming to terms with the differences in the two companies I had worked for. The attitude and confidence were contagious, but twenty seven years of inbred conservative thinking doesn't go away overnight. I picked up the phone and called Drayton Tech. I talked to a Ms. Janet Zukowski and she was very receptive to the idea, but wanted to discuss the details with me in a meeting. We agreed on a time at my office for the day after next and I was satisfied that I had gotten the process started. I could give her a plant tour and demonstrate what type of work I was looking for and how much time might be required. When I got back to my apartment that evening, I noticed an official looking envelope and the address on the outside told me that my new passport had finally arrived. I had been on a couple of trips out of Louisville Airport to suppliers in the east and one out to the West Coast for a meeting with a software company. I had been using my photo I.D. on my driver's license at Security but I knew that wasn't going to be good enough pretty soon. Aser had already talked about us going to Düsseldorf to the "K Show" next October to look at new equipment. Who knew where else I might have to go. Two of our main resin suppliers were in Canada and I was overdue to visit their plants. The passport just made my New Year's planning that much easier. When Janet Zukowski was announced at the front desk, I walked out to meet her and I was very pleasantly surprised. She looked to be in her late thirties and with blonde hair and an athletic build, was a very attractive woman. Her nose had obviously been broken at some point, but it only added character to her face and with two bright blue eyes, I thought this was one fine looking lady. It was, I hoped, going to be a very productive meeting. I then had to remember that I was probably close to twenty years older than her and promptly pushed the growing lustful thoughts to the back of my mind. We exchanged greetings and I led her back to my office, stopping to introduce her to Phil. Aser's door was closed, so I would check later to see if there was an opportunity to say hello. Phil and I had briefed him on my plan at the Monday morning management meeting, so it wouldn't be a surprise and he was very supportive of the idea. Janet and I talked about the school and her students and what she hoped to achieve with her Co-op plan. Unfortunately, she wasn't getting much support from the business community which I thought was short sighted, if not foolish. We were going to have to find our future M.I.S. people somewhere and why not locally when you could recruit people you had already seen work and who knew something about your business. I said as much to Janet and you'd have thought she'd just won the lottery. I think she'd been waiting to find someone that could see the value and get the program launched. I got the impression that both of us were going to work very hard to make this idea a winner. After I had shown her around the plant, introducing her to the various department heads and we had looked at some of the proposed programs I had selected, we returned to my office. I asked Janet if she'd like something to drink and she was happy with water. It was my turn to be host, so I fetched the water and a couple of Aser's favorite biscuits and brought them back to the office. We sat and chatted and I found my mind wandering to lustful avenues again. I looked at her hand and could see no wedding rings. I know she could easily see the wedding ring on my hand and I wondered why I hadn't removed it by now. After an hour of sketching out a plan for the program, I noticed Aser's door was open and I tapped lightly on it. He welcomed us as he always did; with a genuine smile. I introduced Janet and he asked her a couple of thoughtful questions about her school and her students. "I just want to tell you how grateful I am for your support Mr. Rothmann. I'm hoping it really is the start of a great program for our College." she said enthusiastically. "Well, you can thank Jack. It's his idea and he's the sponsor. I really hope it works too. We plan on expanding this business and I want to be able to hire, train and promote people from within the local community. There are benefits for everyone if we succeed." We left Aser's office with Janet looking a lot like I felt the day I was hired at Interstate. I don't think she could believe all this was happening, but she wasn't going to stick a pin in the balloon to find out. "We'll get this going right after New Years, Jack. I'll select the three students I think will be the best for the application and I'll give you a call. We can work out the details and the schedule from there. OK?" "Very OK! Thanks for coming over today. We're going to get this launched very quickly, so if you think of anything we've overlooked, call me anytime." I handed her my business card with my office and cell phone numbers as well as my e-mail address. I smiled as I shook her hand at the front door and watched her walk to her car. I was going to enjoy working with Ms. Janet Zukowski; of that I was sure. -0- I wasn't really ready for Christmas; at least not mentally. We'd put up some decorations around the office and I got lots of cards from our suppliers. I didn't do anything at the apartment and I only sent out a few personal cards to the immediate family; including Molly. I sent a couple of small but nice gifts to Bonnie and her husband and the grandchildren in Oregon as well as son Brent in Iowa. I thought about buying something for Molly, but I couldn't think what to get her. If I didn't really know her for these last few years, how was I going to know what to get her? Finally, I decided on some perfume I knew she liked. It was expensive and I remembered it smelled nice on her and I thought at least she would wear it. In fact, I bought a whole gift set with powder and cologne and cream. Money wasn't the problem it used to be. Aser had arranged for a Christmas Party the third week of December. It was a Saturday night and for about one millisecond, I considered not going. I didn't relish the idea of being a single at a Christmas Party but I wasn't going to try and fool anyone by inviting Molly and pretending we were still a couple. I hadn't really gone into any detail about my marriage with anyone. Chuck Freeman knew more than most people did, based on our conversation at lunch before I was hired. I had listed Molly as my dependent when I filled out my employment and health insurance forms at the office. She was listed as the emergency number to call in case of accident simply because I didn't have anyone else locally. It dawned on me that Molly would still be covered under my health insurance and that she may have taken out private insurance when we split and she went to work at the store. I made a mental note to ask her. It might save her some money. In any event, I knew I was going to the Christmas Party because I owed these people a great deal. I had a new lease on life and if everything wasn't perfect, it wasn't because of them. I was enjoying every minute of my new job and I could only hope they were equally happy with me. The party was fun and I got to meet a lot of the wives of the people I worked with. Aser's wife Rebecca was particularly nice; but then what would you expect married to a great guy like him. Phil's wife Diane was very quiet and a bit shy, but she was nice and we had a nice chat about the weather and raising kids and the usual domestic things. I met Keith's wife Sherry and she was a hoot; full of life and ready to party. I caught Keith giving her the evil eye once or twice, but to my mind, she wasn't obnoxious; she was just having a lot of fun. I had to work hard to understand her sometimes; she came from a small town in the north of England and her accent was as thick as marmalade. Keith was from the south and much easier to understand. I had a few dances with some of the ladies and realized how much I was enjoying myself. These people all got along with each other and it was obvious they all wanted to be there. Speed of the Sound of Loneliness Ch. 02 Rebecca came over to my table and sat with me for a few minutes. Aser was off socializing with various staff and their wives and I realized that he saw that as an important part of his job. Rebecca and I had a dance and then the band took a break and she followed me back to the table. "Pardon me for being nosey, Jack ... where's Mrs. Tompkins?" she asked looking straight at me. "Ah ... we're ... separated." I stammered. "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. My apologies for being insensitive." she said sincerely. "It's OK, Rebecca. I guess I'm not making it easy by still wearing my wedding ring." I said. "Are you hoping that you might get back together, Jack?" she asked kindly. "I don't know. There are some wounds that have to heal. I'm not the guy I used to be. It's hard to say what will happen." I was floundering; asking myself the same questions that Rebecca was asking. Rebecca sat up and I looked at her and she looked at me. She seemed to be appraising me. "Aser thinks a lot of you, Jack. He say's you're one of the best things to happen to Interstate since he found Phil." "He does? Wow ... I mean ... I know we get along well but ... I had no idea." I felt kind of guilty not telling him about my personal life. This party told me that it's an important part of her husband's beliefs. "I guess I should have been more honest and up-front." I offered lamely. "Don't let it bother you, Jack. Aser is easy to talk to. When the time is right ... well ... I'm sure you'll figure it out." She smiled as she stood and headed to another table. I sat there pondering that strange but satisfying conversation with Aser's wife. I guess I did owe Aser an explanation. Maybe I owed myself one too. There was nothing stopping me from taking off the ring, but there it was, day and night, always on my finger. I'll bet a psychiatrist would have a field day with that symbolism. I decided it was time I had a talk with Aser. I'd see him Monday morning if I got a chance. I did get that chance right after the weekly Management Meeting and I asked Aser if I could have a few minutes of his time. I was relieved when he quickly agreed and asked me to follow him. He closed the door behind me and I sensed that he knew that his was a private conversation. "Aser, I think I owe you an explanation about my private life." I began, somewhat hesitantly. "Why do you feel that way, Jack? Your private life is just that ... private." he said quietly. "I guess I never told you that my wife and I are separated. I should have. I don't want to keep anything from you. You and everyone here have been great to me and I don't want to do anything that would upset you or embarrass you." "Jack ... let me put your mind at rest. I knew quite a bit about you before we had our interview. I did a little background digging with some contacts and learned quite a bit about you. I know the kind of job you had to do at SandStacker and I know from some of my friends just what kind of environment you were in. I also know what you accomplished last summer in getting your life in order and as you call it; creating the "new Jack Tompkins." he smiled. "I didn't know about your wife exactly except that you had separated and were living in an apartment. What interested me was the transformation you made from someone you didn't like to someone you did." He stopped and looked at me for a minute. "I already knew quite a bit about you before we met. I was impressed with someone who could do what you did ... remake yourself. I wanted to find out if that could be translated into action here at Interstate. I took a chance based on what you said you believed in and how you would handle specific situations. The other people you talked to here all came back with the same opinion. You weren't the usual candidate. You'd handled a crappy situation in a crappy environment and despite Sandivale's best efforts to screw it up, you kept them in business. So now I get all the benefit of the new Jack Tompkins and I have to say I'm feeling pretty clever." he laughed. Aser had a way of taking the tension out of a situation. I'd seen him do it a number of times in meetings and it was gift that most people don't possess. I was impressed if not a little disturbed that he could find out so much about my life with just a couple of phone calls, but when you have a lot of friends, information comes more easily. It was all good for me. "I guess I can assume that I still have a job in the New Year." I kidded. "That's a pretty safe assumption, Jack. There is one thing you can do for me, though." he said with a more serious tone. "You've been working very hard for the past three months; too hard in my opinion. I know you want to impress and succeed, but I don't want you burning out. I want you to take this break between Christmas and New Years and stay away from the office and leave that damn laptop here. You need a break. Go see family, or watch TV or whatever you feel like, but give yourself a break. I need you with full batteries in January because we've got some ambitious plans to share with you and there will be plenty of times that you will pray for a break; believe me." he said, pointing his finger at me. How could I argue with my boss? "OK, I promise. I'll take the time off. Thanks, Aser. Thanks for taking a chance on me." I offered. "Oh, it wasn't that big a gamble, you know." he said airily, and with that, the meeting was over. As I walked out of his office I realized I really hadn't told him anything about Molly and me. Maybe it really wasn't that important to him. -0- Christmas was on a Monday this year and by the final Friday, I was ready for a break. I would have ten days to myself with strict instructions from the boss to goof off. When I checked my bank account I noticed a deposit of nearly two thousand dollars had been made the same day. My mid-month salary had been entered the previous Friday and the amount was smaller than the month-end amount. I decided to check with Phil. I knocked on his door and he waved me in as he studied something on his computer screen. "Hi Jack, ready for the holidays?" he asked conversationally. "Yah, I really am ready. But I've got a question about a deposit from here in my account. I don't know what it's from or if it's a mistake." "No mistake, Jack. It's a special Christmas bonus from the company. You've earned it and I should get on Aser's case for not telling you about it before you discovered it." he said with a sly smile. I must have had a strange look on my face because Phil jumped in again. "Jack, Aser and I believe in rewarding people for outstanding effort. No one has done more in less time than you have. You've earned every penny of if and I hope there's a lot more for you in the future. Now go on out to your nice blue car and go wherever you want for the next ten days." He stuck out his hand and I shook it heartily. "Have a great Christmas Jack and we'll see you next year." I tried to see Aser before I left but either he was busy or he had already left; his door was closed. I walked out of the office after seeing all the department heads and wishing them a great Christmas and New Years. I was wondering how I could top this year; well ... at least the last half of it. I didn't have a clue what I was going to do with my ten days, but I had a nice little bank account these days that would pretty much allow anything I wanted. I thought about a last minute booking on a Caribbean cruise, but I wondered if I should be away at Christmas. Maybe I could go to Florida for a week. Disneyland? Nah ... that's for kids. For the first time in my life I had options and the money to choose one without worrying about it. I had been working for Interstate only three months but the funds from the sale of our house came through and that put almost a hundred grand into my 401K. Then there was the three month severance that asshole Sandivale owed me. I put that in my savings account. On top of that, I'd been so damn busy that aside from my rent and food, I hadn't spent much money in the past three months, so most of it was still in the bank. When I looked at my chequing account, I had over twelve thousand dollars in it and I quickly transferred eight of it to savings. I had a lovely new Camry, a nifty cell phone and a terrific laptop. It was time to move up from my drab old apartment. I could afford it and to be honest, if I was going to play the role of the senior manager at Interstate Plastics, I really should have better digs. I knew what I wanted to do in the next ten days. I wanted a new home and I was going to start the search. When I got back to my apartment that Friday night, I was a little light-headed and wondered for a second if I was OK. I took a blood sugar reading on my machine, but the number looked normal; 5.3. I guessed it was just the excitement of the last couple of hours. I phoned Aser's cell phone but he didn't pick up. I wished him and Rebecca a happy Hanukkah and thanked him for the bonus. I decided to celebrate and fished a bottle of wine from the pantry. I had been reading about wine lately and buying a bottle of this and that to try and find what I liked and what I didn't. I'd been satisfied with some French wines from the southern Rhone Valley and it was a bottle of Cotes du Roussillon that I chose that evening. I pulled the cork and let the bottle stand while I went into the bedroom to change into my jeans and t-shirt ensemble for the rest of the day. When I got back to the kitchen, I had a look at my meal plan and pulled the lasagna out of the freezer. I quickly put some of the pre-made tossed salad mix in a bowl and took the Italian Dressing from the fridge. There were the remains of a French loaf in the bread box and I quickly made up a small garlic butter mix, spread it on the three remaining pieces and stuck it in the oven. The lasagna could go in the microwave and when I felt like it, I could have dinner within fifteen minutes. I looked around to make sure all was in order and then poured that lovely red wine into a glass and flicked on the TV to a news channel. I sat in my usual chair and put my feet up and took a sip of the wine. Hmmm. Good choice! I congratulated myself on being smart enough to listen to the clerk in the wine shop. I don't suppose I had more than five minutes of peace when the phone rang on the table beside me. I picked it up and was surprised at the caller. "Hi Jack, it's me, Molly." she said in a fairly bright voice. "Long time no talk." "Hi Molly. You're right, it has been a long time. How are you?" I guess my tone of voice was pretty positive. Why not? I was on a roll and even at the end of a tiring week, I was happy with my lot and I had a nice glass of wine in my hand. "I'm OK. Still working at Marie's and still living in the old house." she said. "You still in your apartment?" she asked. "Yah, but I'm getting ready to find another place. I've been so busy that I haven't taken the time to look, but I've got ten days off now and I can get serious about finding a better place." I could feel my comfort at telling Molly this. I wasn't intimidated or nervous by what she might know any more. "Jack, I wondered what you were doing on Monday? Anything special?" "Uh ... Monday ... no ... no I don't think so. Why do you ask?" "It's Christmas, Jack. Christmas Day. I just wondered what you were doing on Christmas Day." she said in a surprised tone. She was wondering if I could possibly have forgotten Monday was Christmas Day and of course the answer was yes! "Oh, of course! I should have realized that." I scrambled. "Would you like to have Christmas Dinner here?" she asked in what sounded like a careful voice. "Oh ... I hadn't thought about it. I didn't plan anything." I stopped for a moment then made a snap decision. "Sure, Molly. That would be fine. Is anyone else coming?" I asked. "No ... just you and I. I hate being alone on Christmas. It would be good to have you to share it with. I'll cook a turkey and we can have a nice, sit down dinner; not in front of the TV." she blurted out. I had to laugh. She was thinking of the "old Jack". "I'll bring the wine." I offered. "Is there anything else I can contribute?" "No ... it'll be good to see you again. Come anytime you like. I'll be home all day." she said, sounding happy. "How does two o'clock sound?" I didn't want to sound too anxious. "Two's fine. I'll see you then. Bye Jack," "Bye, see you Monday." I hung up the phone and put my head back in my chair. I wouldn't have bet fifty cents that I would be spending Christmas Dinner with the woman who kicked me out of my house and her life; but here I was, agreeing to do just that. To top it all off, I didn't have any regrets or second thoughts. Maybe it was the idea of spending Christmas alone for the first time in thirty years or maybe it was me trying to be a nice guy for a change. I had beaten her up pretty good in the last six months. Maybe it was appropriate that I could do something nice at Christmas. I spent most of Saturday and Sunday looking through real estate ads for Drayton and the surrounding area. I hadn't really thought about what I wanted, but as I looked at the ads, I thought there seemed to be a good selection of new bungalows in subdivisions and the prices weren't out of this world. I had dropped in at my bank on Saturday morning and got a pretty good idea of what my borrowing power was and I was surprised. It was far more than I expected and I reset my expectations on what I wanted. I really enjoyed visiting the open houses on Saturday and although there was little on show on Sunday, I still got a good sense of what was available and where they were located. By Sunday afternoon, I had almost made up my mind that I wanted a new house in a new subdivision in Drayton. -0- When I rang the doorbell just after two on Monday afternoon, I was feeling a lot less confident and a lot more unsettled. I'd had too much time to think about this afternoon and my head was full of weird scenarios that might take place. I had spent some time on Saturday picking out a couple more gifts for Molly. I found a nice wool sweater in a pale blue that I knew she would wear and I chose a very nice pair of Italian leather gloves from a specialty shop downtown who promised me faithfully that they could be exchanged if they didn't fit. I had both gifts wrapped at the store to prevent my meaty mitts from making a mess of a simple job. Molly opened the door and smiled at me. "Hi Jack. Merry Christmas." she said brightly. "Merry Christmas, Molly." I handed her a small bouquet of flowers I had picked up the little corner grocery store that morning and leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek. It seemed to catch her by surprise, but she smiled again and I walked into my old home for the first time in over six months. I carried a plastic bag with the three gifts and put it by the side table next to my old lounger. There was a small artificial tree with a string of mini lights and several small ornaments on the end table beside the lounger. A couple of small packages were around the bottom of the tree. I looked at Molly and I was surprised and impressed with her appearance. Her hair continued to be nicely cut but now coloured to a lovely dark mahogany tone with a slight hint of auburn. Her dress was a more modern soft yellow and had a low cut front, showing a nice bit of cleavage. Molly had nice breasts but always seemed to be shy about showing them. Changes were happening to her too. She had definitely lost weight, although she was not badly overweight to begin with. She looked very good and the changes had taken ten years off her appearance. I took off my new overcoat and hung it up in the hall closet. I noticed only a couple of Molly's old coats there; nothing new. The room felt warm, so I took off my blazer and hung that up as well. I was wearing one of my new sport shirts with a new pair of grey wool slacks and my revamped black Bostonians. Molly was eyeing me from the Living Room and apparently approved of what she saw. "Would you like an eggnog Jack?" she asked as she headed for the kitchen. The eggnog was a small tradition that we normally indulged in on Christmas morning. "Thanks, yes." I answered as I followed her. I watched her make the drinks with the dark rum and eggnog mix; sprinkling the top with a bit of nutmeg and putting a small cinnamon stick in each glass. I took the drink from her hand as she passed it to me and we engaged in a silent toast. I took a sip and turned back to the living room. I thought about sitting in my old lounger, but that was another reminder of the past and I chose the sofa instead. Molly was watching me and I saw a slight smile when I chose the sofa and she joined me; albeit at the other end. "You look very nice. That's a new dress?" I asked. "Yes. I've been trying to find some nicer things to wear to work and I chose this as one of them. It's a bit daring, but the girls thought I looked good in it, so I took their word for it." She was speaking carefully, measuring her words. She hadn't quite relaxed yet and was a bit tense I thought. "Your friends are right. It's very pretty. It makes you look younger. It's even a bit sexy." I grinned. Molly blushed and looked away. "I bought you something for Christmas, Jack. I hope you don't mind." she said tentatively. "No, of course not Molly. I bought you a couple of things too. Why don't we open them now?" I suggested. Molly nodded and stood up, walking to the end table and picking up a small package and bringing it to me. I thanked her and went to the table and handed her the package with the sweater. We both opened our presents as we returned to the sofa; still sitting at opposite ends. My gift was a new leather wallet with lots of places for credit cards. I thanked her and told her it was thoughtful and useful gift. As it happened, I had been meaning to get a new wallet for my business cards and corporate credit and I.D. cards, so it really was a useful gift. Molly was very pleased with the new sweater and I was happy that the size was right as well as the colour. I had chosen a V-neck and I think she grinned as she saw that, but I couldn't be sure. I handed her the gift box of perfumed items and she was very pleased with that also. She still wore it as her favorite and I think she was surprised that I remembered that. Finally, I handed her the package with the leather gloves. "Jack, this is too much. I just bought one thing. I feel terrible." she said with a forlorn look. "Don't Molly. I just got a bit carried away. I saw things I liked and I thought you would too. I didn't mean to embarrass you." She opened the last package and unfolded the paperboard cover to reveal the gloves. I saw the look of surprise and I thought, delight on her face. I knew it was something she would never buy for herself. She held the gloves to her face to feel the softness and smell the wonderful scent and looked at me with a big smile and a tear in one eye. "Oh Jack. They're so beautiful. I wouldn't ever have thought of something like this." She tried the gloves on as I held my breath; praying that they fit. It was the perfect gift and I wanted it to be a perfect fit. I was in luck. They slipped on over her hand as if they were cut just for her. I let my breath out noisily and she looked at me in surprise. "What ...?" she asked curiously. "Nothing ... I was worried about the fit. I guess I got lucky." I thought about what I had just said and wondered when this string of good luck was going to end. It seemed that everything I touched lately turned to gold. I leaned back in the sofa; taking a sip of the eggnog and watching Molly examine the gloves on her hands. She was obviously more than pleased and so was I. Speed of the Sound of Loneliness Ch. 02 We sat quietly on the sofa for a few moments and I became conscious of some Christmas music playing softly on the stereo. It was a peaceful moment and I looked at Molly and I thought for a moment that she looked unhappy. I was pretty sure I knew what was wrong and on the spur of the moment, I slid down the sofa and put my arm around her. "Merry Christmas, Molly." I said softly and kissed her gently on the lips. She collapsed into me and tears came silently. We didn't say another word for quite a while. I just sat there holding her. The tears must have stopped after a while, but she just stayed in my arms as the music played quietly in the background. Some people go to church on Christmas Day and some reconnect with their family. I wasn't sure what was happening just yet but I began to realize that my anger was gone. I just felt sad for Molly and I wondered how I could make things better for her. "Have you called the kids yet?" I asked softly. "No ... have you?" she said, he head coming up to look at me. "Not yet. Why don't we do it now? It's about noon in Oregon and two in Iowa. We should be able to get them both if we're lucky." Molly nodded and I untangled myself from her and rose to get the phone. I dialed Bonnie's number in McMinnville and waited as the phone rang. I young voice came on the other end and I knew it was Casey, our grandson. "Hello Casey, it's Grampa. Merry Christmas." I started and fifteen minutes and two more grandchildren later, we finally got to talk to Bonnie and Dave. To say that they were surprised to hear that we were together today was an understatement but neither seemed to want to ask the question I know they were dying to ask. I thought we could talk about that at another time. This was Christmas and a time to talk about happy things. Molly was on the bedroom extension and did a lot of listening until she and Bonnie got started. The call lasted almost an hour and when we signed off, Molly came out of the bedroom with a smile and a happier look on her face than earlier. "Could you tell they were just busting to find out what was going on?" she asked. "Yah ... maybe when we figure it out, we can tell them." I said sardonically. "Let's try Brent." she said, changing the topic quickly. I went back to the phone and placed a call to our son in Sioux City. It rang several times before his answering machine clicked in. I left a Merry Christmas message asking him to call us if he got a chance and then Molly left a similar message. Once again, it would confuse the hell out of our son, but I didn't mind and I was sure he would take something positive from it. Again, Molly came from the bedroom and looked happy. We had made the two calls together and I don't think she ever expected that. She went to the kitchen to check on the turkey and organize the vegetables. I went out to the car to get the two bottles of wine, a white and a red, from the trunk where I was sure they would stay cool. As I returned to the house, Molly was standing at the door with a shocked look on her face. It took me a few seconds to realize the reason. She had never seen the car before and she must have been wondering where it had come from. "Is that your car?" she finally asked. "Yes ... it's a company car. I use it for business and personal driving." I stated simply. "It's beautiful. So shiny and new. What is it?" she asked; knowing full well whatever I told her would bring her little enlightenment. She wasn't a car person and hadn't driven in many years. I think it was at that point that I made a decision that was probably going to alter our relationship again. I owed her an explanation about my life and I had to quit hiding who I was and what I was doing. I thought it might be risky, but for the life of me, I couldn't think why. "It's a Toyota Camry. They make them near Lexington. It really is a great car. I've never had a car as nice as this before." I admitted. As I followed Molly into the kitchen, I left the bottle of red on the counter and put the white in the fridge. There was plenty of room and I noticed how sparse the fridge looked. In fact, it looked a lot like the fridge in my apartment. When you live alone, you don't need a lot of stuff and if you don't use it, it often goes bad. I searched the drawers for the corkscrew and found it in the back of the flatware drawer; unused for many months no doubt. I opened the red to let it breathe and went to the dining room buffet for two old crystal wine glasses and brought them to the kitchen. "Do you need any help, Molly?" I asked. "No, I'm just about finished for a while. I thought I'd make dinner for about six, so you wouldn't be too late heading home." she said matter-of-factly. "Good. Why don't I pour you a glass of wine and we can sit down for a while. I think it's time I told you what's been happening in my life." She had a surprised look on her face as I poured the wine and walked back into the Living Room with both glasses. Once again I sat on the sofa, but this time angled toward her and she sat not quite so far away herself. We were within reach of each other and I didn't mind that at all. I guess I hummed and hawed and stammered and stumbled, trying to get going; telling her about the last six months. I hadn't rehearsed the story because I didn't even know I was going to tell her any of this today. I started with my visit to Doctor Chapman and went from there. I told her about the diet, walking, swimming and the pills I now took daily. I told her about the stress leave, Sandivale firing me and trying to cheat me from my rightful severance. I told her about Interstate; the job interviews, the job offer, salary, bonuses, profit sharing, car, travel, the new friends I'd made at work; in short, everything. I told her how happy I was with my new life, my new job and my future. I didn't tell her that I was still lonely. I did tell her I was thinking about buying a new house in Drayton; not just an apartment or condo. Finally, I admitted that I couldn't believe my luck in the past months. I just couldn't believe it. While I was pouring out this story I was also watching her for her reaction. I saw smiles, looks of surprise, and maybe a bit of envy. I thought maybe I was laying it on a bit thick to make her see what she had lost, but then I remembered my recurring belief that none of it would have happened if she hadn't done what she did last June. I continued to be torn between the horrific feeling that Saturday morning and the unexpected good fortune that had befallen me since. When I finished telling her my tale, I sat back, sipping my wine and waiting for her reaction. Molly seemed to be lost in thought. She looked like she was battling her emotions and I thought it wise to wait for her and not interrupt. "You've really done very well since ... you left. It's no wonder you don't seem like the same man. You aren't, are you?" she said carefully. "No ... no, I'm not ... and I never will be again." I said with a definite stamp. "Does that mean ... there's no place for me anymore?" she asked timidly with a frightened look. "No, Molly. It doesn't mean that at all. But, if I'm not the same man, then we're going to have to start all over again to discover who we are and if we can fit together. Does that make sense?" I asked. "Yes ... I think so." She sounded relieved. "Maybe I'd better get the dinner ready now. I'm getting hungry." she said with a quick smile. We had been talking for more than an hour; or at least I had. It must have been a bit overwhelming for her. I found that as I told her my story, it was with a sense of pride and accomplishment. I wanted her to know the new me and I wanted her to like the new me. I had lost that feeling that I wanted to hit back; to exact revenge. That was another part of me that had changed. Now we had to decide where to go from here; if anywhere. I wasn't even sure she wanted to try and so at some point I had to ask her. It could wait. The smell of the freshly cooked turkey was working my appetite up as well and I went to the kitchen to see if I could help. I was able to do a couple of menial tasks to assist Molly while she got the final stages of the dinner ready. It was a small kitchen and we could easily get in each other's way, but unlike the past, Molly didn't seem to mind. Finally, I pulled the bottle of white out of the fridge and opened it; putting it on the table. The meal was wonderful. Molly could cook a fine meal; we just had fallen into that old trap of simple, easy to make things that pretty much represented how our marriage had gone. What was good had deteriorated in to what was easy. There wasn't much conversation at the dinner table; we were too busy eating and truly enjoying the meal. I must have complimented her more than a couple of times because she got a bit embarrassed at all the praise. The truth was, I hadn't had a good home cooked meal in a long, long time. Molly had made a light dessert and it was all I could do to finish it. My appetite was considerably less than it had been and I must have surprised her when I declined seconds and asked for a small portion of the dessert. She never had been a big eater, but in the past I could easily manage double the amount I had consumed tonight. Nonetheless, I was a happy and sated man and we savored our wine when we finally finished the meal. I took our glasses back to the Living Room while Molly made coffee and I returned to my now usual place on the sofa. I was going to need that coffee before I drove home and the thought crossed my mind that I had consumed a fair bit of wine. I had better cool it before trying to drive. We sat even closer together on the sofa this time. I was turned toward her and at one point I reached out and took her hand; holding it lightly. I didn't know how she would react to that, but I felt it was time to reconnect and see what was there for us. She squeezed my hand giving me a timid smile and a hopeful look. "Do you want us to try again?" I asked simply. She nodded, seemingly too frightened to speak. "I'm glad. I want us to try again too." I said, pulling her toward me. "It will be better this time Molly, I promise you." Again she folded into my arms and kissed me several times with passion and squeezing me tightly. "It's all I wanted for Christmas, Jack. I made a horrible mistake and I want to make it right." she said; her voice muffled by my chest. "No Molly. You didn't make a mistake. I did. I took you for granted. I took our marriage and our life together for granted and when you finally got fed up with it, you did the only thing you could do ... force me to change or just go away. I guess it could have gone either way, but it didn't and I pride myself in not making the same mistake twice." "Oh Jack. I've been so lonely without you; even the old you. I thought you were still angry with me. I thought I had made things worse, not better." I laughed unexpectedly and she looked up at my face. "Molly, if you were pining for the old me, you needed therapy." I looked at her and pulled her into my embrace once more. We kissed and just sat there, holding each other as we had before. It felt very, very good. "Jack ... will you stay with me tonight?" she asked hopefully. "Yes ... I'll stay. Just tell me where you want me to sleep." I almost whispered. "With me ... in our bed ... with me." I nodded and pulled her to me again. -0- Speed of the Sound of Loneliness is from the John Prine songbook. John is a good 'ole boy from Southern Indiana. Speed of the Sound of Loneliness Ch. 03 Chapter 03: Something lost and something found ...Jack's new life. The Final Chapter? I've been in a state of confusion before, several times in the last few months in fact. But I couldn't remember when it was as disconcerting as this moment. I was with my wife of over thirty years and we had decided to sleep together for the first time in more than six months and we would probably have sex and ... I didn't have a clue what to do. She had gone to the bedroom and I had followed her like a puppy dog waiting for its next command. I sat on the edge of the bed while Molly had moved to the bathroom. I started to take off my clothes and hang them up in the closet like I used to. I stripped down to my jockey shorts and sat back on the edge of the bed again. I looked around and everything seemed to be just like it was when I left. I had a minor inspiration and turned on the small bedside lamp on her night table and got up and turned out the ceiling light. At least it was a little more intimate this way. What now? Pull down the coverlet and slide under the covers? I suppose that was going to happen anyway, so I stood up and pulled the quilted bedspread down and folded it over the bottom rail of the bed the way Molly used to always do it. I was about to pull down the covers when I heard the bathroom door open and Molly came into the bedroom. Things always change and we certainly had. So why was I surprised when she came in wearing a very sexy, silky, shiny dark green nightgown that I had never seen before? I guess I didn't expect to see her wearing something alluring like this. It was very low cut and very slinky and it got my immediate attention; and I do mean immediate. Molly was showing me that she was still a very good looking woman and I was going to want her in this bed very soon. She smiled as she seemed to flow into the room and saw the one small lamp. "Did you want to brush your teeth or anything first, Jack. There's a new toothbrush in the drawer you can use." she said coyly. I didn't need to be hit over the head. Go fix your breath and take a leak and at least wash your hands you slob, I said to myself. "Yes ... thanks ... I guess I wasn't expecting ... this." I offered lamely. I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom and noticed the light was still on. Very subtle Molly, I laughed under my breath. I only took me a couple of minutes to clean myself up and head back to the bedroom. I was now aware of just how anxious I was. It was as if it was going to be our first time and I was just that nervous and uncertain. I flicked the light off in the bathroom and headed to bedroom. Molly was lying in bed under the covers and it took me a second to figure out that she had taken the nightgown off and she was likely naked. I slipped back under the covers and reached for her. "Do you want me to turn the light out, Jack?" she asked softly. I thought for a moment I had misunderstood her. We never had sex with the light on. It was one of those small-time fantasies of mine. "No, let's leave it on; I want to be able to see you ... to watch you." I said in as confident a low voice as I could muster. "Me too." she smiled. I was completely unprepared for what happened next. To start with, Molly took charge. Her hands were roaming all over my body and she quickly discovered and removed my under shorts. This was a new, aggressive Molly and I responded by running my hands over her new and improved body as well. She was, as I had guessed, completely naked and it was a long time since I'd run my fingers over a desirable woman's body. I began to move down toward her breasts and she encouraged me by pushing them up toward my mouth with her hands. It wasn't long before I was kissing and licking and teasing the nipples and Molly was responding. In the meantime, Molly wasn't wasting any time. She had reached down for my now fully erect cock and enclosing it in her hand, began to stroke it. I was so revved up that I knew if I didn't get a grip soon, it would be over before it started. I said so to Molly and she released me and moved her hands to my head and continued to push me downward. There wasn't any doubt about what she wanted then, but I was again surprised since she was never very fond of oral sex. She had apparently changed her mind. As I began to use my tongue and lips to excite her, she began to talk to me. It was another radical change in her behavior. Normally, she was silent when we had sex, but that was then and this was now. "More Jack. Please! Push your tongue in and give me more please." I did the best I could to give her what she wanted and the sound of her moans and her hands on my head, pressing me further into her now very moist sex was the message that she was getting what she wanted. I moved my tongue up to her clitoris and began to tease it and I got an immediate positive response. "Oh yes. That's it. Oh ... Yesssss!" she moaned quietly. I played with her sexy centre for what seem like several minutes before she wanted me to enter her. "Now Jack. I'm ready now." she whispered. Our foreplay had greatly helped me get myself under control and I was ready too. I just hoped that I wouldn't disappoint her. This was a very different and very alive Molly and I wanted her to be rewarded for this wonderful change. I moved up slowly, first kissing my way up her slightly rounded abdomen and briefly tickled her navel with my tongue. I continued my way up pausing only briefly at her lovely breasts and then kissed her mouth gently, without tongue. "Guide me in, Molly. Tell me what you want." I said very quietly. She grasped my fully erect member and brought it to the entrance of her vagina and then released me; putting her hands on my butt cheeks and pulling me into her. It was an easy passage and I heard her sigh as I filled her tight cavity and slowly began to stroke; in and out and in again; slowly at first and then gradually picking up the tempo as she responded. I was using the pressure of her hands to tell me what she wanted. Her mouth was making noises, but I couldn't understand them and anyway it didn't matter. She was making it obvious what she wanted and I was fully prepared to give it to her to the best of my ability. They say that when you are on a lucky roll, you should never question it; just go with it. That's what I did with Molly on that lovely Christmas night. I quit thinking and just moved in the rhythm she was seeking and we talked to each other without using words. I knew what she wanted and how she was feeling and she knew I was aware of her. It was as natural as if we'd done this a thousand times over and yet, for us, it was a first. We had been having sex for many years, but we hadn't been making love. I think we both came to the realization at the same time that this was very, very different. Where the hell was all this for so many years before? Had I forgotten that it was once like this or was it never like this? I remember we had sex now and then, but I don't remember it being so intense. I don't remember it being exciting. I don't remember our being so engaged in it. I certainly don't remember feeling this good about it afterward. I lay on my back in the aftermath and Molly was lying almost on top of me with her arm across my chest and her head tucked onto my shoulder. We were both breathing heavily from the exertion and I was surprised at my ability to stay with Molly. She had been the leader and I was the follower and I tried manfully not to disappoint her. I had the feeling that I had succeeded. We drifted off to sleep with the small lamp still on and holding each other. Sometime in the night, I awoke and the light was off. I reached for Molly and she was right there, still naked and sleeping peacefully. I rolled onto my back, now almost wide awake and tried to take stock of this strange turn of events. I had almost forgotten the comfort of having another person in my bed and the scent and touch of a woman. Molly never slept nude and she could easily have put on her nightdress when she woke and turned off the light, but she didn't. I wondered about that. We were two very different people and I was curious about the changes in my wife. I thought they were all positive but I was at a loss to understand how they came about. Was it my expulsion that gave her the freedom to be someone else or was it something entirely different. I knew now that I wanted to know the answer to that question. I must have lain awake for an hour before I slipped back into sleep. I was thinking about all the changes that had taken place for both Molly and I and I was convinced they were all for the better. I wondered idly if she might have had a lover in the months that I had been gone, but it seemed unlikely. Something else had produced this change in her and when I discovered what it was, I was going to reinforce it with a good dose of more of the same. I awoke Tuesday morning with a wonderfully tantalizing sensation in my groin. I took a few seconds to recognize the delicate touch of Molly's fingertips on my semi-rigid cock. It wasn't unusual for me to awaken with an erection, but not this way; not at all. I rolled toward her and I could see her looking at me with a smile on her face. "Good morning. Did you sleep well?" she asked. "Very well! Good morning to you too. To what do I owe the pleasure of this delightful way to awaken?" I asked. "You were a very good lover last night. I thought you should be rewarded for that." she grinned. "I had a lot of help from you. You took charge. You knew what you wanted. You and I are going to have to talk about all these changes; you owe me that." I said without threatening the mood. "We'll see. A girl's got to have some secrets you know." was her soft retort. "I think you've fallen into some naughty company, Molly. That's the part I want to hear about." She didn't answer but continued to fondle my now completely rigid member. She was showing a sly grin as she pushed me over on my back and began to mount me. I felt her hand reach back and grasp me and push my cock into her waiting vagina. She was very ready and she impaled herself in one, continuous slow push. I heard her grunt and saw her eyes close as she began to ride me. She was on her knees, facing me with her legs tucked under her and she was upright with her hands only lightly touching my chest. She appeared to be lost in her own world and I wasn't about to interrupt her as she rolled down whatever path she was on. It was a wonderfully sensuous journey and I was just happy to be part of it. My hands began to fondle her breasts, alternately kneading them and gently pinching her nipples between my thumb and forefinger. Molly's hands moved down to her mons and she began to use her fingers on her clit and I watched her head lolling back and forth; her eyes still closed. I heard the occasional moan and other unintelligible vocalizations from her as she rode me with increasing forcefulness. She was on her way to her destination and I was right there with her. It was another of those amazing new experiences that we had found last night. I was smiling I'm sure as I watched her extract every ounce of pleasure from this joining. Finally, she broke her rhythm and began a frantic rush to the finish and I found myself following her every step of the way. She was vocalizing again, but it wasn't words; it was grunts and whooshes and cries and sharp intakes and exhales and she pushed herself to her climax. I'm not sure if she knew I was there, but it was too fascinating to be a part of to interrupt or try and influence the outcome. I was just along the ride; but god, what a ride! Molly just seemed to disintegrate then. Her arms collapsed, her body almost froze and then sagged down slowly onto my chest. There was no "Oh god, I'm cumming!" outburst; only the obvious exhaustion of all that energy and the satisfaction of whatever ending it brought. I didn't follow her and I really didn't care. It was such a dynamic experience to see her completely let go and wring every last ounce of ecstasy out of the moment. I was holding her to me as she lay gasping for breath and I stroked her lovely, smooth skin, lightly gripping her butt cheeks. I don't know how long she lay on my chest, but it was a few minutes. I became conscious of the need to pee and I tried very carefully to work my way out from underneath her without disturbing her. I didn't succeed. "I'm sorry, Molly." I apologized. "I need to pee." She giggled and just lay on her side watching me. I got up and padded to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. After relieving myself, I looked in the mirror and realized I needed a shave and would undoubtedly benefit from a shower. I went back to the bedroom; sensing Molly would probably need to use the bathroom herself. She was still lying on her side, facing toward me with her eyes open and a foolish look on her face. I sat on the bed beside her and stroked her shoulder and back with my hand. "Your turn, if you like." I said simply. "Hmmm. In a minute. I'm still floating around somewhere in outer space." she said in a partly muffled voice. She was talking in the mattress in part. I laughed and leaned down and kissed her cheek. "If you've got a razor to spare, I can clean myself up enough to take you out to breakfast." I offered. "Hmmm. Sounds nice. Want to shower together?" she asked, her voice still muffled as she continued to speak into the mattress. "That would be very responsible." I grinned. "What's responsible got to do with it?" she snorted. I looked over at her clock radio and realized it was just after eight in the morning. We had gone to bed early last night, but we hadn't gone to sleep early. "I have to work today." Molly said sleepily. "Ten 'till two. It's a short day ... mostly returns and exchanges probably." "I'll drop you off after breakfast and pick you up at two ... OK?" I said positively. "Uh huh. What are you going to do today?" "I've got a couple of things I want to do." I answered cryptically. Molly finally rose and headed for the bathroom. I lay back on the bed and waited for my turn. There were a couple of things I needed to know. Should I plan on moving back in? If so, I needed to get my clothes and other grooming and personal items. It wouldn't take long. I had something I knew I wanted to do and it involved my, or our, future. She was in there for a few minutes before I heard the door open and she peered around the doorway. "Are you coming, Jack?" I didn't need a second invitation and headed for the door. The shower was running and Molly was already inside the tub enclosure when I stepped in. Molly was in a playful mood and we soaped and fondled each other as we enjoyed the warm water and close quarters. We finally rinsed off and stepped out; drying each other with large bath towels. I was admiring her new body and I said so to her. She was quick to reply. "Looks who's talking. You look like you're ready for a magazine modeling career. Very sexy!" she finished with a slinky voice. I stayed in the bathroom to shave and when I came out, Molly was dressed and looking very nice. "I like your choice in clothes. I mean ... your new clothes." I said. "Thanks. The girls convinced me to get some new things and now I'm glad I did. I wasn't so sure at first." "Your girlfriends gave you good advice. You look much younger and very desirable." I leered. "Well, I had to do something if I was going to attract the attention of some sexy guy, didn't I?" she smirked. I finished dressing and we headed for the kitchen. I wondered for a minute which sexy guy she wanted to attract, but then the thought left me. For whatever reason, I didn't feel threatened; but I was definitely mystified by the changes in my wife. I hoped I would enjoy unscrambling this curious puzzle. I didn't have my pills with me, so I made a note to take them after I had dropped Molly off at work and I went back to my dreary apartment. It was getting more oppressive every day as I contemplated moving to something much more upscale. But everything had changed again in the last 24 hours and now I had another objective. I needed to know what Molly wanted or expected. Based on the events of last night and this morning, we were destined to get back together again, but I didn't want to take anything for granted and I decided we could talk about it at breakfast. "Where would you like to go for breakfast?" I asked innocently. "Anywhere but Bruno's." she answered promptly. I almost blurted out something like 'why not Bruno's?' when the light went on and I learned something important about her. Bruno' was a bad memory for her and she wanted to erase it. I had been abrupt and mean and angry and she had been confused and surprised and contrite and I left her without giving her much hope for us. It must have hurt her a great deal while I almost had forgotten the incident. "How about The Paradise?" I suggested. "Great. But it's expensive, Jack." she said in a note of concern. "Don't worry about it, Molly. You're worth it." I said simply. She moved beside me and squeezed my arm while looking at me with a smile. She liked that answer. I opened the passenger door of the Camry for her and she slipped into the nearly unused leather seat. I don't remember the last time I'd opened a door for her, but it seemed the natural and right thing for me to do. It was another part of the new me. I was thinking of someone beside myself for a change. "Oh Jack, this is really nice. It smells so new and clean." she enthused. Molly may not have known much about cars, but she knew a nice ride when she was in one. I backed out of the driveway and headed off toward town and the Paradise. "What did you do with your old car?" she asked, obviously curious. "It's sitting at my apartment. I was thinking about selling it, but I wouldn't get much for it. I thought of something else I could do with it though." "What?" "Why don't you get your driver's license again? I'd give you my car. You'd have transportation instead of being dependent on others." I suggested. "I don't know Jack. I haven't driven in a long time and with the insurance and everything, I'm not sure I can afford it." she said seriously. "OK ... let's just leave it for now. There's no rush to decide. We have other things to talk about." I said with a smile. I pulled into the restaurant parking lot and joined only a handful of cars. Business wasn't too brisk and I wasn't unhappy. In all likelihood I could find a booth that was fairly private and I could have my conversation with Molly. My guess was correct and we walked to the far end of the front row of booths and sat together in a four person cove. The waitress was there almost before we got settled and passed us the menus, poured two coffees and told us she'd be back when we were ready to order. It didn't take us long to decide and we gave her our orders and relaxed for a moment over our first coffee. "Molly ... after last night ... and this morning I guess ... what do you want?" I asked as kindly as I could. "I want you back, Jack." she answered simply and directly. "I made a bad mistake and I want to make it right. I want you back in our house and in my life. We aren't the same. You've already told me that. I like who we are now. I really like who you are. I want us to be husband and wife again." her voice trailed off. "Molly ... you didn't make a mistake. It's more complicated than that. But you didn't make a mistake. None of this past day would have happened if you hadn't done what you did. That took a lot of courage. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you but you did it. I don't want you beating yourself up over that day. I think we should be celebrating it. I think it's going to become our second anniversary." I said positively and with a forceful tone. Speed of the Sound of Loneliness Ch. 03 Molly looked at me with the beginnings of tears and reached for me and hugged me tightly to her. I heard her sob a couple of times but I could tell these weren't tears of regret but tears of relief. "I'm going to get some clothes and things and put them back in our house ... if that's OK with you." I said tentatively. "Yes ... Oh yes, Jack. That's very OK. It's what I really want." she said though her tear-filled eyes. "There are a couple of conditions though." I said with a warning tone. "What?" "You're going to have to confess what you did with the old Molly. Where did you dump the body?" I kidded. "Oh ... that! Well ... I guess I can live with that." she offered with a slight smile. "Anything else?" she asked warily. "Yes ... there are a number of things ... I'll let you know about them this week. I've got the whole week off so I'll be able to think up all kinds of things." I grinned. She didn't respond, but I could see she was relieved and sensed that the worst was over for us. I know I felt much better and I was looking forward to being with my new and improved Molly. After all, I was the new and improved Jack. -0- I dropped Molly off at the store and headed for my apartment to pack up my clothes and essentials. It didn't take long and I put them in the trunk. I dialed the number of Marina Montague, the real estate agent I had talked to and wondered if she'd be working today. As luck would have it, she answered on the first ring. I arranged a meeting at her office just before noon and then headed for my old clunker computer. Aser may have denied me my laptop for the holidays, but I still had my internet connection and a printer. I quickly looked up the properties that I had noted on my previous visits to the various subdivisions and printed out their descriptions. I stuffed them in a soft leather folder that I had been given by one of my suppliers and headed off to the real estate office. I'm sure real estate sales people hate vagueness as much as I do, so I had put together a list of Musts, Wants and Likes to give them the basics of what I was looking for. I chose not to give them a tight dollar range as I didn't want to exclude anything that might really be spectacular. I arrived at her office a little before eleven and the front door was locked but the lights were on. I knocked and soon a somewhat stocky woman in her forties came to the door and opened it. "You must by Mr. Tompkins ... I'm Marina Montague. Nice to meet you." she said cheerfully. "I didn't realize you might not be open. The locked door I mean." I said with a curious look. "Oh, I'm the only one on duty today. This time of year it's rare we get any calls and usually I'm just doing paperwork or looking up new listings ... that sort of thing." she explained. "You'll have my undivided attention." "Great. Uhm ... here's a list of the things I'm looking for and here's some properties that I've seen just driving around Drayton that look interesting. Maybe that will help you." I offered. "Absolutely. Why don't you come on over here to my cubbyhole and we can look at what you want and what's available." And with that, the process was underway. After about an hour, she had a pretty good idea of what was in my mind and when she sorted through the prospective properties I had downloaded, she weeded out a couple that wouldn't fit my needs. She added a couple more that she knew about and we had a solid list of seven prospects. She indicated it would take her at least a day to arrange for appointments to see these properties. I assumed that Molly would be working her usual hours on Wednesday through Friday, so I suggested she set the appointments up for tomorrow and Thursday and then we'd see about Friday. I walked out of the office with some confidence that I was going to find what I wanted. What I wasn't so sure about was whether it might be what Molly wanted, but that was part of the excitement. What had I learned about her in the last two days? I stopped in at Bruno's and treated myself to a light lunch instead of heading back to the apartment. I was hoping that I was done with that place. I took my belongings back to our old house and hung my clothes up and put the rest in the drawers I used to use. I noticed that some of my old clothes were still there and I gathered them up and put them in a trash bag and stuck them in the trunk. Maybe the Goodwill could use them. As I drove through Drayton, I got another brainwave and headed for the east side of town and pulled into the parking lot of the Drayton Manor Inn. I wasn't hopeful that I would get what I wanted at this late date, but once again my miraculous string of luck prevailed. I reserved a suite for New Years Eve and ordered a bottle of champagne to be delivered just before midnight. It was expensive, but I didn't care. I got what I wanted. The hotel had a dinner dance that evening and I bought a pair of tickets. All that remained was part three of my plan; Molly needed a new gown and I needed to rent a tuxedo; again if I wasn't too late. This time, I wasn't so lucky. What they had in traditional black tuxes didn't fit me and what they had that fit looked more like a clown suit from a bad wedding party. I would just have to make-do with my blazer and grey flannels. Perhaps a new shirt and tie? I arrived at Molly's shop just after two and walked in to find her. It was obvious almost immediately that the store had been very quiet that day and it was even more obvious from the looks I got that I was a topic of conversation. I was getting 'the look' and 'the once over' as I waited for her to finish up and she had a wrinkled smile and a blush on her cheeks as she put her coat on. I was grinning at that stage as I could see that she was a bit flustered but not unhappy. I took her hand, said 'good afternoon' to the other three ladies and opened the store door for her. She seemed to let her breath out as we exited, but I didn't comment. When we were in the car and on our way, I asked her how her day had gone. "Boring. We had five customers all day and I don't think our sales would have amounted to enough to pay the phone bill for the day." she said. "They really didn't need more than two of us. Maybe it'll pick up tomorrow. I hope so. It took forever for the time to pass today." "Well, cheer up. I have a surprise or two for you." I was driving through town and then pulled into a parking slot near the dress shop I thought would have what I wanted. "What's the surprise?" she asked. "Come with me." I said in a not too commanding tone. I took Molly's hand and led her into the dress shop that Marina had recommended. I took a chance that she had led me to the right place based on the clothes she had been wearing earlier that day. I think she was flattered that I would ask for her opinion. "I want you to pick out a nice dress for New Years Eve. We are going to a dinner dance party." I said, leaving her no doubt that it wasn't arguable. "Jack, this is crazy. You're spending so much money. How can we afford it?" she asked with genuine concern. "You probably didn't hear everything I told you yesterday about my new job and my income and my bonus. You'll just have to trust me that I won't do anything we can't afford." I said almost with an air of dismissal. I wasn't going to argue with her; she was getting a new dress. As she looked over the selection on the racks I walked back toward the woman at the back counter. In a low voice I told her why we were here and would she please recommend a suitable dress for a dinner dance; specifically New Years Eve. She smiled and slowly walked over to where Molly was looking at some of the dresses. "Can I help you Madame?" she asked. "Uh ... I'm looking for a dress." Molly answered in a quiet, non-committal tone. "Let me guess. For a New Years party?" she suggested with a smile. "Uh ... yes. That's right." "I think I have something over here that would suit you very well." she said walking to the other side of the store. "Do you have a favorite color or one that you think suits you best?" she asked. "No ... I like muted tones rather than bright colors." she offered. They chatted back and forth and the woman took several dresses out and held them against Molly to see how they looked. She offered no opinion but kept looking and finally seemed to settle on a very elegant, pale blue gown that was simple in design but I thought would look wonderful on her. The clerk convinced Molly to try it on and she disappeared into the changing room. The woman came over to me, smiled and said quietly: "She will look lovely in that dress. You wait and see." Her confidence was justified. Molly looked striking and aside from the usual small fitting issues, she might have been able to wear it right off the rack. "It looks fabulous, Molly." I said with what I hoped was both enthusiasm and sincerity. Shopping for women's clothes was never my forte and I was happy it had been, so far, a relatively painless proposition. "I like it too, Jack." she smiled. "Good ... then can I tell the lady we'll take it?" I asked hopefully. "Are you sure, Jack?" "Very!" I said. I signaled to the clerk and she set about the minor alterations needed and indicated that the dress would be ready Friday afternoon. I walked to the back counter and pulled out my Visa card to look after the bill. It wasn't as much as I had expected and I thought when I saw Molly wearing it that she might need some new shoes to go with it. While the woman was processing my card, I quietly asked her about a good shoe store and she mentioned a place just a block further along. I took Molly's hand as we left the store and she was beaming. Instead of heading for the car, I led her down the street to the next block and into the shoe store the clerk had recommended. "I want you to pick out a pair of shoes that you can dance in and that go with your new gown." I said. "Oh ... Jack." She started to laugh. "This could take a while." "Uh ... OK ... I'll just wander next door to the book store and you can holler for me if I'm not back in time." My timing wasn't too bad. I gave her over twenty minutes and by the time I returned to the store, she had narrowed the choice down to two pair. I looked at them and liked the appearance of both of them. "Do they feel comfortable; the kind that you'd like to dance in?" I asked. "Yes. That's what makes it hard to decide. They both look and feel great." she said. "Good!" I said. "Miss ... we'll take both pair." again using my 'don't bother to argue' voice. I paid the bill and we left with Molly toting a large boutique bag with two shoe boxes enclosed. We had one more stop to make. We walked back toward the car, put the bag in the trunk and then I steered Molly back into the dress shop The clerk was surprised to see us again and no doubt was wondering if we had second thoughts about the dress. "When we were here a few minutes ago, I saw some top coats that might look good as well. Can you suggest something?" I asked. At this stage, I think Molly was a little shell-shocked. I got no resistance from her and the lady picked out three possible choices. I thought they all looked fine, but I let Molly and her discuss which was the nicer and a decision was made. Again I paid the bill, Molly carried the bag and I was leading her out the door to the car. When we were in the car and on our way home, I tried to explain what brought on this sudden spree. "Molly, I'm a senior manager at a major business in this town. I'm expected to be visible and look successful. You are my wife and I want you to be visible and look successful too. This is just the beginning for us. I'm going to show you off to this town on New Years Eve. And, by the way, we're staying at the hotel overnight; so we can drink champagne and not have to worry." I tried to make my comments light and yet serious. I was serious about bringing her out of her shell and showing her off to others. She was a beautiful and graceful woman that I was lucky enough to have a second chance to be with. I was going to make the most of this chance. She looked at me and leaned over and kissed my cheek as we drove along. "Thank you Jack. You are full of surprises; but I like your kind of surprises. We are going to have fun on New Years Eve; before and after!" she grinned. I got the message. When we got home, I hadn't really had any time to discuss my diet with Molly and I thought this would be a good time to let her know what I was trying to accomplish. Happily, we both loved cold turkey and we had lots of that. It was low in fat and high on the healthy food list. Molly had a couple of recipes for the other leftovers and I learned that she too had changed her diet; partly to lose weight and partly to prevent what had happened to my health. We weren't going to have a problem with our food choices. For the rest of the week, I was busy with Marina looking a house prospects. I did not tell Molly what I was up to and the fun would begin on Friday afternoon. Molly's work schedule was a half day on Friday morning and a half day on Saturday afternoons along with the full days Monday to Thursday. She was no longer the junior at the store and had some say in her hours. I had some reservations about her work hours, but I held off in commenting until our lives were a little more settled. She had been exposed to a lot of change and surprise in the past couple of days and I wanted to make sure I didn't overwhelm her. During the week, we had begun to slip into some form of routine for ourselves. It would change again when I went back to work on Monday, but we were getting used to being around each other and I purposely didn't throw any more surprises at her for the balance of the week until I picked her up at Friday noon. We had already agreed to have lunch at the Paradise Café and we sat and chatted about our week together and quietly finished our lunch. When I pulled out of the parking lot I decided that I'd better tell her what was going on since I would be heading away from our normal route home and going in the opposite direction. "Well Molly, I have another surprise for you." I grinned. "What now, Jack?" She looked as if she wondered whether I wasn't losing my grip. "Just sit tight and I'll show you." I said confidently and I headed toward the Rolling Meadow subdivision on the north side of town. I had arranged for Marina to leave the back door of one particular house unlocked for me and give me a chance to show the house to Molly before she came by. She was reluctant, but since there were no other clients and the house wasn't furnished, she decided to take a chance. I pulled up in front of 1511 Rolling Glen Way and stopped the car. Molly was long past being surprised by anything I did lately and I think she knew almost immediately what I was up to. She looked over at me and just shook her head. I snorted a laugh and got out and went around to her side and took her hand as we walked up the front drive to the new home. "I want your opinion on this house, Molly. You knew I was looking for something better than my old apartment, we just didn't talk about something better than our old house." We stopped in front of the ranch style bungalow with the two car garage and Molly just gaped at the rock faced entrance and skirt around the bottom of the front. "That's a bedroom in the front on the left. It would work well for an office I think. The real estate agent left the rear door open for us, so we'll have to go around the side by the garage." I indicated by pointing. "Oh Jack. It's beautiful. Are you seriously thinking of buying something like this?" she asked in wonderment. "Not thinking, Molly. We will be buying a new home and I want your opinion on which one. I can't do this without you being involved." I said in a serious tone. She just looked at me as we walked down the cement steps to the back of the house. The lot dropped almost nine feel from front to back and it allowed a walk-out basement that was unfinished. There was a large deck that covered almost all of the rear facing home and two sets of stairs to the ground level gave us access to the upper floor. The lot was not landscaped but featured a large back yard backing onto a greenbelt area. With good width, our privacy was assured. We climbed the nearest steps to the upper deck and I walked to the first door I saw and tried the handle. It opened and we walked inside. I pushed the paddle light switch and the lights came on. We were in the laundry room. We walked into the hallway and headed for the kitchen area. As I turned on the lights I heard an audible gasp from Molly. It was large, with a centre island and featured cherry wood cabinets and some sort of stone counter tops. The floor was cherry as well and the effect was something out of a show home. The kitchen opened into a very large room with a huge set of windows looking out onto the back yard and the woods beyond. This was the view that caused Marina and me to choose this as the first home to show Molly. We continued on through the upper floor exploring the master bedroom and ensuite as well as the two additional bedrooms. Molly had hardly said a word but her eyes were the size of saucers and she was reaching out and touching surfaces and objects just to make sure they were real. We went downstairs to see what was a completely unfinished basement housing only the furnace and a hot water heater. The back of the basement was mostly windows with a pair of doors to the lower area beneath the deck. We went back upstairs and Molly returned to the kitchen and sat for a moment on an old stool someone had left behind. She put her head in her hands and was silent for a while. Finally she looked at me. "Jack, I don't understand any of this. Did you win the lottery or something?" she asked in a completely serious voice. "No, nothing that complicated." I replied. "This house has been listed at $279,000 for over five months and hasn't sold. If we decided to put on offer on it, I would probably try $260,000. We might get it for that or close. The builder isn't going to sell many homes until spring and this one has been on his inventory since late August. He can get some cash now or wait and hope he can get more later. That's his gamble. As far as we are concerned, we sold our house for $200,000. Not counting fees, we will only be taking on a $60,000 mortgage; not very big in this day and age. On top of that, it's deductible on our income taxes and with any luck, we can pay it off before we are very far into our 60's. "Oh god, Jack. This house is gorgeous. It's got everything I ever dreamed of in a home." She began to wander through the house again and I went to the front bedroom to keep an eye out for Marina. We had arranged to view two other homes if we wanted to this afternoon. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get Molly out of this one if her oohs and ahs were any indication. Marina pulled up behind my car and stepped out. I opened the front door for her and she quickly entered. "How's it going?" she whispered. "Judge for yourself." I laughed. I walked back to the master bedroom where Molly was looking out the French doors onto the deck and I suspect, imagining something about living here. "Molly, this is Marina Montague, our real estate agent. Marina, this is my wife, Molly." "So what do you think of this home, Molly?" Marina asked with a smile. I think she already knew the answer to the question just seeing the look on Molly's face. "It's lovely. So new and clean and big. I'm not used to this. There's three bathrooms!" she exclaimed. "Two and a half, actually, but you're right; there are a lot of features in this home." Marina said enthusiastically. Speed of the Sound of Loneliness Ch. 03 "Molly, Marina has arranged to have us look at a couple of other homes in this area this afternoon. It'll give you an idea of what the area is like and you may see something you like better." I said by way of explanation. "Ok, but I can't imagine anything better than this." she said her voice trailing off as she looked around her again in wonder. We left 1511 and headed for the next house, a couple of blocks away. It was a conventional lot and a nice home, but didn't have the view or impact of the previous candidate. I knew Marina had set this up to make our first viewing the most dramatic and therefore the most likely one we would chose and when we got to the third house, it was almost a disappointment. It was a small lot and had a conventional layout with a formal dining room. There was nothing about it that grabbed either of us even though is was a nice, new modern home. I had a sense that the choice was already made but I knew that Marina still had four others that were available for viewing. We stood in the kitchen of the third home and I asked Marina the key question in my mind. "Marina, are any of the other four homes as good as 1511?" I asked pointedly. "To tell the truth ... no. They're nice homes and some of them are lower priced, but when you look at that lot and see the potential, I would say none are as nice as that. That's why I wanted you to see if first." "OK. Will you excuse us for a couple of minutes please?" I asked. She nodded and moved to another room. There was really only one question on my mind. "Molly, do you see anything about 1511 that you don't like or anything you don't understand?" She shook her head. "No ... nothing. It's perfect. It's better than perfect. I could live there forever." she said with emotion. "OK then. It's settled. We're going to make an offer on it." I said definitively. Molly looked at me with her eyes wide and when she decided I was serious, she lunged at me; encircling my neck with her arms and holding me as tightly as she could. I'm not sure she believed what I had just said, but it didn't matter because I called Marina back in and told her our decision. She had a big smile when I told her our pricing strategy and nodded in agreement. We signed the offer sheet back in her office and then with good luck handshakes all around, we left and headed home. I had to admit, there was a surrealistic quality to the events of the last five days. I walked through the front door of our old house on Monday afternoon, Christmas Day, with some trepidation and by Friday, we had made an offer on a new home for ourselves. I've never thought of myself as being impulsive but I had to admit that I had been very impulsive this past week and I was just as mystified at my behavior as Molly must have been. When I sat down to think about it, however, I didn't have a single regret or a single second thought. When we didn't hear back from Marina over the weekend, we assumed the builder wasn't available and we would just have to wait for a few more days to get a response. In the meantime, Molly had picked up her new dress and we prepared ourselves for the New Years Eve party. Molly was dazzled by the suite I had rented and we made love before getting dressed for the party. We were both giddy with excitement over the prospect of the new house, our new life together and the fun we would have this special New Years. I was relived to see that many of the men at the party weren't wearing tuxedos and I didn't feel out of place. My new shirt, tie and my well polished Bostonians had made my somewhat conventional blazer and slacks look pretty good and Molly looked spectacular in her new dress. She had splurged, as she called it, on a new small clutch purse that matched the shoes she had chosen to wear and I felt pretty lucky to have her on my arm as we walked into the dining room just before seven. The meal was very good; four courses with a nice pair of wines on each table. We were seated with three other couples; all of whom were from Drayton. We introduced ourselves as the about-to-be new imports from Brentwood and I mentioned that I worked at Interstate Plastics. That got the attention of two of the men who had a business relationship with our company and the conversation was off and running. Molly, to my surprise, struck up a conversation with two of the wives and they seemed to be pleasantly engaged as well. Two or three other couples drifted over to our table after the meal and more introductions were made. I was going to have difficulty remembering everyone's name but I did remember I had my business cards in my blazer vest pocket and gave one to each of the men I was talking with. Finally, the band struck up and soon the tables began to thin out and Molly and I were able to talk to each other for a couple of minutes. She was obviously enjoying herself and her new role as a local executive's wife and it didn't take much persuading to get her out on the dance floor. I don't remember when we had last danced, but it was a long time ago. We molded into each other as if we had done this every day and I found myself becoming erect as I could smell her perfume and the touch of her skin. She detected my arousal as well and leaned back, grinning at me without saying anything and then returned to our close embrace. I'm no great dancer, but I felt like we were completely in tune right then and I didn't want the music to end. I was lost in my lewd thoughts when I spotted familiar faces in the crowd on the dance floor. It was Phil Tupper and Diane. I had obviously missed them when we came into the ballroom earlier. I mentioned to Molly and we gradually danced our way over to them. "Hi, Happy New Year!" I said to them. "I'd like you to meet my wife, Molly." I blurted almost too quickly. Phil put on one of his really big smiles and Diane held her hand out to Molly. "Wonderful. Happy New Year to you too. Great to see you here." Phil enthused. We joined the Phil and Diane at their table, exchanged partners for a couple of dances and generally just talked and enjoyed the evening. Shortly before midnight, we excused ourselves much to the surprise of the Tuppers and headed upstairs to our suite. As ordered, the champagne had arrived and after I loosened my tie and took off my jacket and shoes, I opened the bottle. We toasted the New Year right on the stroke of midnight and then I undressed my lovely wife and then myself before we retired to make love for quite some time. I was slow and fluid and emotionally intense. We both sensed that this was the beginning of the rest of our lives and we wanted to savor the moment for as long as possible. -0- The New Year brought a landslide of activity for both of us. Our offer of $260,000 for the house was countered at $265,000 and we settled in the middle at $262,500; within a couple of thousand of my target. The mortgage was arranged and new furniture was purchased for the Living Room; now known as the Great Room. Some other pieces were included to set up my office and Molly's kitchen. The rest of our old furniture would do for now and we could replace it as time went by and we saw things we liked. Molly finally told me where her new found sexuality came from. It was one part 'The Girls' at Marie's and one part eavesdropping. The girls constantly talked about their sex lives with their husbands or boyfriends and Molly began to accept the less inhibited lifestyle they represented. The capper was an overheard conversation between two women while they were waiting for her to cut some fabric. They were obviously talking about a man they had their eye on and as Molly pieced the conversation together, she realized with a shock that they were talking about me. It seems the women were in the Wednesday afternoon swim group and had set their sights on me. Molly couldn't know that I stopped going on Wednesdays when I started my new job, but she was upset and determined no one was going to get to me before she did. We had a good laugh about that when she told me. Molly got her drivers license and began commuting to Brentwood, using the state highway rather than I 65; she felt more confident on the less traveled two lane road. I threw myself back into my work and we had the fresh start we were looking for. The first week after New Years, I took Molly in to meet Aser and the rest of my 'gang'. Unexpectedly, Rebecca was there and you'd have thought Molly was a long, lost relative. She left the office feeling very welcome and very good about the people I worked with and quickly understood why I was so happy in my new environment. After some argument, I got Molly to agree to my plan for a second anniversary. Our true anniversary was the 17th of April, but I thought we should be celebrating June 5th as well. It was the day she threw me out and the day that everything started to get better for both of us. It took some convincing, but she finally saw my point and we celebrated both dates in fine style. I was traveling more; as I had expected and my homecomings were wonderful occasions. Even if I had only been gone a day or two, I was welcomed home by Molly in a very intimate way and it reminded me of how much I had missed when we were apart. Even though I called her every day, it was the personal contact that made all the difference. Molly's next big surprise was in August when I told her that she needed to plan a couple of week's vacation in October. Aser, Phil, Keith and I were all going to Düsseldorf to the "K show", the world plastics exposition, and our wives were expected to accompany us. I think Molly nearly fainted when I told her and then added that since we were going that far, I didn't make any sense not to go to Paris and London while we were there. We hadn't been on a vacation together in a long time and it was another thing I wanted to rectify. She had already applied for her passport at my insistence and it would arrive in late August. I was out on the West Coast in July and took Molly with me for a long weekend and a couple of extra days. We were looking at acquiring a now-derelict blow-molding plant in Vancouver, Washington and I needed to work with Phil to see what it would take to resurrect it and how much that would cost. We landed in Portland and Bonnie and our grandchildren met us at the airport and took Molly to their home in McMinnville while Keith and I headed across the Columbia River to do our work. Molly went home before I did, but thoroughly enjoyed her visit with our daughter and her family. Her husband got home from his latest long-haul trip and got reacquainted with his mother as well. The trip to Europe was everything I had hoped for. There was too much to see at the "K show" and we had to be very selective on how we spent our time; planning each day ahead for our objectives. The 'girls' on the other hand, were on the loose and formed a fun foursome. Rebecca was the leader but Sherry was the fun instigator and Molly and Diane just enjoyed the four days of sightseeing and shopping. We all met each evening before eight and headed out to dinner together. We had become an inseparable group and each night Molly told me how much she was enjoying this trip. She told me in the most meaningful way possible. We split up at the end of the show and Molly and I took the fast train to Paris and a few days later, the new Eurostar to London; through the 'Chunnel' no less! Molly loved Paris but she really was absorbed in London. Perhaps because of the common language but more likely because of all the famous locations; she reveled in every moment and as she did, so did I. When we got home in late October, it was back to our usual 'new' life. We had some wonderful memories to keep for a long time and I found Molly and Rebecca, particularly, were developing a close friendship. If she hadn't been working at Marie's, I think she would have been spending a lot of time with her new friends. We had gotten to know our new neighbors and there were three other couples who were about our age group or older that we would see socially for a barbeque or an evening card game. We had settled into a nice suburban life in our new home and new home town. I often thought how lucky I had become. I couldn't account for why unless the 'gods' thought I was owed some good luck, but I was willing to take it as it came. When I think back now, those were the eleven happiest months of my entire life. Everything was so perfect; my renewed marriage to my lovely wife, our new home, the great job and the good people I worked with and who I counted among my friends. I think that's why I was able to make it through the next two months without coming apart at the seams. When our receptionist called me to the front office on a cold, rainy Thursday morning, I wasn't expecting the shock that I was about to receive. It was the State Police and in a soft, soothing voice, a young woman officer informed me that Molly had been in an accident on the highway and had been killed. I have no idea how long I must have sat at in the lobby, staring off into space. I vaguely remember Jennifer coming and asking if I was alright. I must have said something because she rushed out and a moment later Phil and then Aser came and led me to Aser's office. It's still a blur, but I know I recited the information the State Police officer had given me, but I really didn't know what to do next. A while later, I was still in Aser's office when Rebecca came in; tears streaming down her face. She was saying something to me, but she was sobbing so violently that I couldn't understand anything she was trying to say except her sorrow and grief at my loss. She was hugging me and then Aser and then me again. I was beginning to get my wits about me and I remembered I had to go and identify Molly at some point. Phil phoned the State Police and then volunteered to drive me to the morgue in Brentwood for which I was grateful. We made the half hour trip and in one of the worst moments of my life, the man lifted the sheet and there she was; a ghostly white face surrounded with her still beautiful dark brown hair. I had hoped it was all a horrible mistake and that it couldn't be Molly, but in that terrible moment all hope was dashed and I knew that she was gone. We headed back to Drayton and Phil dropped me at my house, telling me not to worry about my car; it would be brought over later that day. I walked into our lovely new home and I had an immediate flashback to a year and a half ago, June 5th, when I realized I was alone. I stood in the Great Room looking out over the beautiful scene toward the woods below. The trees had lost their leaves but the grass was still green. I had lost my Molly but I was still alive. This time, there would be no reconciliation; no second chance. This time, the separation was final. I got through the next two months thanks to my friends. They rallied around and supported me without suffocating me. I began to recover my energy and went back to work the next week; if for no other reason than to have something to do. The daytime wasn't so bad. I was busy and I had people around me. Walking through that door every night was the hard part. I was alone and I was very lonely. My meals were by myself and my bed was empty on one side. My nights were interrupted by dreams and memories and the overriding sadness of my loss. I couldn't face Christmas alone and I headed for McMinnville to stay with Bonnie and her family. I'm sure she was a little apprehensive that I might sour the Christmas mood; especially for the children, but I managed to put on a good face and got through the week without spoiling anyone's holiday. When I headed back home just before New Years, I hugged everyone and told them that I would see them soon. I didn't know how prophetic my comment would be. In the New Year, Aser completed the purchase of the old Vancouver plant and we began the process of purchasing equipment and hiring employees. That's when he threw me a curve ball. He wanted me to run the plant since I had been responsible for putting the recovery plan in place. He would 'loan' me Keith to get things started and I was going to have a bright young man from our Co-op program to work his way into Production Management. Phil promised to help find a good Controller and we had our eye on another young woman from the Co-op to be our customer service/production planner in the early stages. We didn't have to worry about business; there was plenty for us to get going when the equipment and people were available. It was just a matter of the time it would take to get things going. I thought it was ironic that my good luck in my career had continued unabated when my personal good luck had come to such a horrific end. I was happy to have the challenge in Vancouver and I knew I wouldn't regret leaving Drayton. The good memories would stay with me, but I didn't think I could live in that house any more. It was the house I bought for Molly as much as for me. I had a few months of great joy and perhaps that's all some of us get in our lifetimes. I would celebrate them in my memories and I would move on to my new life. I was hearing the echo of the sound of loneliness once again. The End * The title "Speed of the Sound of Loneliness" is from the John Prine songbook. John is a good 'ole boy from Southern Indiana.