6 comments/ 4351 views/ 8 favorites The Beautiful Destructions ORIGIN By: Katanaji Hi everyone. First I am really sorry for the delay. My husband lost his job, and I got a little depressed when the chapters were accidentally deleted off the site. I had only meant to delete the previous series submission and the first very long chapter so I could redivide it into shorter ones. This is the end of this arc, excuse the typos it was all done on my phone. I am not super pleased with it but I've hold off submitting for too long. I hope you guys like it, feel free to suggest changes or highlight anything you've liked. I will start another arc within Origin, and the stories will meet later. PS: Story rejected because I can't have the end of an arc without the rest of the chapters. I DO NOT HAVE A COPY OF THE PREVIOUSLY SUBMITTED CHAPTERS! Please let me just post the end! ************************************************************ Chapter 35 The sun was rising beyond the open windows and I curled against the heap of muscles which lie by my side. It was so easy to wake up when I slept next to him. "Good morning Beautiful," he greeted, softly rubbing my back. "Hi," I replied and hid my face in his shoulder. I didn't feel ashamed or guilty, more like... timid. It was our first real morning after, sober, aware and my head full of memory. I smiled against his skin, wiggling closer to feel his warmth all along my body. It was comfortable, natural. I could get used to this. I sighed. "What is it?" "I need to get back to my room, I don't want Emily to wake up alone." He combed his fingers through my hair, following the length and brushing my skin all the way down. "Five more minutes," he informed me, and I melted back against him. We stayed like that, silent, and my brain finished its groggy daily ascension to wakefulness. Caffeine was what I missed the most on Origin. I moved up to lay a bit more upward on his chest. I replayed my conversations with Maya, the hope I could nearly touch. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to share my joy, but I knew this topic would only cause him pain. As the daylight grew between us, so did the distance. Maybe I could learn more about him instead? "Can I ask you something?" "Mm hmm." "You don't have to answer, but I was wondering... What does Lord Fredricksen have that you want so much? Maya told me you've been working for him for years, doing whatever he wants. I can't imagine you chasing after money or anything like that." "For a start, Mayasena talks too much." I looked up to his eyes, checking for signs of storm but there was no trace of black in the opalescent silver. He smiled, tracing the outline of my throat with his thumb. "Fredricksen had the key to perhaps making me human again." Human!? "Had?" His hand disappeared under his pillow and he showed me what he'd pulled. It was about the size of a dollar coin, a twisted '8' made of glass with a blue stone in its center. It was pretty, but it didn't look very special. "That can make you human?" "Maybe," he replied, sorrow fleeting on his face. "I will learn if there is a way out for me, or if I am to be the Guardians' instrument for another eternity. But it's already more than I'd ever believed possible." His smile was melancholic, and the despair it hinted at forced me to look away. "I'm sorry I asked," I apologized with a kiss. "Don't be, I'm glad you asked. I should have told you, but I didn't want to bring your hopes up." "My hopes?" "Wouldn't you reconsider your grand escape plans if I could be human with you?" I sat up on the edge of the bed. I didn't like the turn this conversation was taking. Not one bit. "Why do I repel you so much then? Do you have someone waiting for you?" "No... You wouldn't understand." He sat behind me and closed his strong arms around my waist. I wanted to lean back against him so much, I wanted to be weak and let go, but I knew that was the trap Nicholas was. "I don't want fate, destiny, or a perfect match selected by the Guardians to determine my life for me. I want love and respect. I want to try and fail and grow. I want to be horrified at having to introduce him to my mother!" Tears were balling up in my throat, a sense of loss I'd never identified spiralling inside me. "Even without Emily I'd fight to get home. You don't know me, and I don't ask you to understand, but I have barely started to live. Staying on Origin, with you - that would be giving up." The black mask on his face was fighting his overwhelming confusion. I had the urge to hug him, to make him feel better and go back to bed whispering to forget what I'd said. He was that dangerous, I realized yet again - and in this second I knew that given enough time he would win. "But I know you want me. You know I'd keep you safe too. And I make you feel great," he added with a smouldering kiss on my neck. "You're right. Everything you said is right," I conceded. "But choosing to stay on Origin means committing my life to you. Then I need a lot more than that, Nicholas. Physical attraction isn't love. Believe me, my mom would be happy and remarried by now if that was the case." "What if you don't have a choice? What if you cannot go back?" I stood up and picked my slip. "You see, that's the problem right there. You don't care if I'm happy so long as I'm alive and in your bed. Is that really enough, even for you? Do you genuinely not care if I love you or not?" I waited for his answer but he only stared at me in a muted silence. It wasn't anger, it was pain that made me shake. I held my breath to not cry. Why did the truth hurt me so much? I turned my back to him and put on my slip. "What now then? What do you want from me?" "Good luck becoming human." I'd shot for detached and cold but it had come out like a wreck. "And if you want to know, I'm going to search Luxington's archives with Maya after the Ball." I heard him snarl and I flipped around, my eyes red. "Good luck getting past the council," he mocked harshly. "Please, do let me know when you're in." His tone had sunk from condescending right down to insulting. "I'm glad crushing my hopes and Emily's amuses you. Please stay the fuck away from us." I buckled my belt and slammed the door. The destructive relationship I'd tried not to emulate all my life, and I had to run into it on a different world with some hot guy who couldn't even claim to be human. I was as shallow and short-sighted as any of them. I stepped into the steaming shower. You can get the girl out of the trailer park... I cringed at the defeating adage and turned up the water pressure to drown out my thoughts. If only I could hate him, it would make my life so much simpler. There was a knock on the bathroom door and I popped my head out of the stream to listen. "We' re going downstairs for breakfast now," Maya announced. "Are you sure you don't want to come?" "Yeah, I still don't feel too well." Lies lies lies. "Don't worry then. I'll bring you back some fruits and warm porridge." "Thanks a lot Maya," I shouted before retreating back into the shower. Coward. Despite spending much too long in under the water I was still in the mood for a bath, and I was wrapped in towels when Maya and Emily came back. "What's the matter?" Maya asked immediately. I was pulling a long face, sitting on my bed. "I don't want to put my travelling dress back on, it's disgusting." The princess gave me a critical look, put down the bowl of fruits and gruel on the desk and then kicked into action. "At least a couple of your day outfits should be ready tomorrow, but wait a moment, I think I have a dress that could fit you." There was no denying that I was curvier than Maya. I nodded and she was back in a flash with a forest green sleeveless dress, which luckily could be adjusted under the bust. I vanished into the bathroom to change and Maya tied the bow behind my back. It was simple, a bit short on me, but I felt a million times better. I exhaled with a satisfied smile and dropped next to Maya on the couch. Emily had was busy drawing on the notebook the princess had gifted her yesterday during our interminable dress measuring session. "Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" She nudged me with sparkling eyes. "Nicholas didn't show up for breakfast either." I stared at my feet, chewing on my bottom lip. "Did you two have a lovers' quarrel?" "What?" Thank goodness I couldn't pull a full on blush anymore, or my face would have radiated like the sun. "No, we're not... we're not like that." Even I heard the note of disappointment in my voice. She wouldn't let go now, I could tell. "It sure looks like you are," she teased, curiosity all over her cheeky smile. "No, we'd just had a talk..." "Huh, when? We were together late last night." I cleared my throat, caught off guard. She was sharp, she'd make a great politician if she was given the chance. "Early, very early this morning. Nicholas is always up at dawn... well anyway," I quickly continued, "I found out what Nicholas got from Lord Fredricksen." Her expression changed and she listened intently. That'd been close but I'd gotten her off my tracks. "I don't actually know what it is, so don't get ahead of yourself. It's a little glass figurine, a bit like a pendant, shaped like an '8'." I made the shape with my hands and noticed she was staring in utter shock. "With a little blue gem in the middle?" She asked when she remembered how to breathe. I nodded, intrigued by her reaction. "A meeting with The Voice! To think Fredricksen had a token for all these years and never used it..." She was talking to herself now. "How did he ever manage to get his hands on it? What price Nicholas must have paid?" She returned her individed attention back to me. "Do you know what Nicholas wants to ask?" I shook my head. Even if we were crossed, it felt wrong to share this information with the princess. I didn't know what the ramifications were if he became human, and the memory of the pain on his face held my tongue. "So what is it? Is it magical?" I was thinking of a real, working Oracle 8 Ball but I kept that to myself. I didn't think it was a reference we'd share. "No, the object doesn't do anything itself, it's a token, a pass. I forget you don't know anything..." I let it slide. "The Voice speaks on behalf of the Guardians. What Fredricksen gave Nicholas is, in essence, a private meeting with all fourteen Guardians. These tokens use to be fairly common, but they disappeared a while back - we're talking centuries since the last individual interview was held." "Wow." So that was what he had meant. Nicholas was going to confront the Guardians head on. "Aaargh, what I'd give to know what he's going to ask," the princess erupted, bouncing on the couch. She froze all of a sudden and took my hands in hers. "Ellie! Maybe he's going to ask how to get you and Emily back to your world!" It took me a second to process her words. If only you knew, Maya. "That's unlikely. And remember, we only met a few weeks ago, but you said he'd been at Lord Fredricksen's service for years." "Oh yes, you're right." There was a silence before she resumed, pensive. "Do you think you could ask him for the token? I think he could actually give it to you if you asked." There it was again, the stabbing of tears through my throat. "I don't think so. Plus it would be very unfair, don't you think? After all his hard work, it must be really important to him." My voice dragged and I knew I'd given away too much. Maya didn't chase it though. She was empathic enough to know when to call it quits. A sad understanding clouded her face, and she took me in her arms. "Look Ellie, I made you a drawing!" I took a deep breath and invited Emily to sit on my knees. "Ooh, that's very pretty!" Maya praised her and the little girl beamed. "I'll make one for you too!" "I hope so," the princess replied on cue. "What is it bunny? Is that me there?" There was an awful lot of yellow all over the page, and a big black splodge. She enjoyed drawing but art was not her strongest point. "It's when you and Nicholas are dancing at the ball," she explained with her serious voice on. Oh, yeah. The ball. I'd forgotten about that. Chapter 36 The sun inundated the bedroom, and it took me a moment to remember where I was. "Sorry Ellie," Emily apologized in her tiny voice, "I couldn't see my colors for my drawing." I stretched and rubbed my eyes, yawning in a very un-ladylike manner. Why was I incapable of waking up on my own? "Good morning Emily." I yawned again. "Have you been up long?" "Huh huh," she shook her head, lying on the carpet amidst sheets of paper and crayons. "Good." I sat up against the cushioned headboard, giving my brain some time to remember what brains do. The bright blue sky which poured in through the window cut a fitting rectangle in the white and ocean blue room. I drank in the view, rocked by the waves of clouds the wind was pushing through. It would have been a glorious day to run through the plains, I considered. Shame I had nowhere to go for a while longer. Three days to the Ball, I counted, two if I didn't include today. I couldn't wait for it to be over. It was going to be so awkward. No, I corrected myself. No, I was going to have a great time and let him watch. Maybe I'd even dance with real gentlemen, in front of him if possible. I swung out of bed, stepping on the duvets and pillows I had tossed out in my sleep. "I fancy a ton of cake for breakfast, I might even eat all of yours!" Emily's head flipped up, appalled. "No you can't! You can't eat all my cakes!" She paused and sat up, thinking. "You can have the weird white ones, I don't like them, they're not nice." "Great, thanks a lot bunny," I laughed. "And then it's in my teeth and not nice. And it smells." "Ok, I get it. You can keep your cakes, just don't make me eat these." She nodded, a huge grin on her doll-like face. I looked for the green dress Maya had lent me, and found it neatly folded by a pile of clothes on the armchair. I pulled a beautiful pair of dark teal chinos out of the lot. "Princess Maya brought the clothes for you, and she gave me two dresses too, so I am drawing her a really, super very pretty nice picture." And take a breath. Emily always spoke like she was swimming underwater. "That's very nice of her. Make sure to say thank you too." "Yes, I know." I picked a flowy white blouse to go with the trousers, and grabbed my shoes and blades from under the gray hooded dress I'd left by the bed. The wide leather belt I needed to carry the gold blades looked out of place with the rest of my outfit, but it was an improvement nonetheless. The chinos were spot on around my hips, and everything was a perfect fit thanks to the phonebook worth of measurements the seamstress and her assistants had scribbled. "Which dress do you want?" I asked the little girl even though I knew her answer. "The pink one!" "The pink one it is then," I smiled, the dress already in my hand. I held Emily's hand as we power walked through the corridors. The sun was halfway through its ascension, and I didn't want to miss breakfast again. "You should have gone ahead with Maya, bunny." I'd feel bad if she missed out on her pastries because of me. "I wanted to finish my drawing first!" I knocked once and pulled Emily into the morning room. "Ah company!" Lord Fredricksen exclaimed, sat in his customary place at the head of the table. "I was beginning to wonder if you'd all abandonned me," he chastized with a kind smile. I brought Emily's chair closer to the edge of the table and sat in the seat the lord had pulled for me. "Where is... Where are Princess Mayasena and Nicholas?" I'd never been alone with the Lord, let alone spoken to him since we'd arrived. I was a little intimidated by the old man. Despite his age, he was undeniably charismatic and deceivingly sharp. Please Ellie, no faux pas, no diplomatic incident. "The princess and the pathfinder are busy arranging a suit for the ball I believe," he replied as he offered me some tea. "Oh." I nodded, and suddenly found myself intensly absorbed by my teacup as years of social awkwardness resurfaced. Silence is bad, silence is antisocial, I could hear my mom prompting me from across time and space. The glass house was only filled with chewing sounds and the delicate clinking of china for several long minutes. Speak, for crying out loud. Who knows, he could ask you a trick question in a minute and you're cornered. Ask something first. "I was wondering why Princess Mayasena and yourself call Nicholas the 'Pathfinder', I know it's his nickname..." I stopped myself short, livid. Great start, Ellie. Just fantastic. Why mention the weather or the food when there are such interesting, risky, topics to consider? Now he's going to ask if you've been to Desideratum, and before you know it he'll demand to know your whereabouts at the time of Jonas' murder. "A nickname? Oh no, my dear, I'd never dare. Nicholas is a genuine Pathfinder, a servant of the Guardians." Oh, so that was what it meant. Understanding must have been evident on my face because Fredricksen's smile relaxed. "For a second there," he said, "I thought I'd put my foot in it and revealed something I wasn't supposed to," he chukled and I smiled nervously. "It's me, I hadn't put two and two together." Nicholas could have pointed it out too to be honest, but I didn't say that. "It's an interesting title, 'Pathfinder'," he continued pensively. "It's the oldest granted by the Guardians. Modern academics think that it refers to the ability to see on which path someone stands, but they're wrong. The name originates from the exceptional ability to find the paths which link the circles, and thus travel from world to world. Common history books don't even mention that definition," he boasted jovially. I wasn't feeling so cheerful. I hid my shaking hands under the table. "Are you sure? That sounds a little far fetched - no offence intended," I added quickly when he frowned. He couldn't. He couldn't have lied to me that much. I knew he wanted me to stay with him, but to go that far... Had he been able to take us home from the first day we'd met? Calm down, Ellie. "Oh believe me, I know from a... trustworthy source that Nicholas explores worlds away from Origin," the lord assured me with a knowing nod. My pulse was rising. He wouldn't have done that to us. I refused to believe it. Lucy's death. The air was burning inside my lungs. The doubt was incendiary, I stood over an precipice of rage and betrayal. I had to know, I had to be completely sure. I had a hunch and I wanted to be proven wrong. I bluffed. "Of course, pardon me my Lord, young people have so little attention, you know. Nicholas mentionned he'd been collecting... items for you from far away worlds." It was crazy but I had to try. Fredricksen's bushy white eyebrows rose in surprise. "After all these years... I never thought he'd tell anyone about our arrangement. Well, good for him. I knew straight away you were special." Not special. His pet, his toy, his belonging, to be lied to and manipulated, possessed at any cost. "And you know to keep our little secret to yourself, don't you? The Council wouldn't look down too kindly on my... hobby." There was a strong nuance of threat in the old man's voice. Like I cared. I nodded, fighting back the deluge of emotions. The walls were closing in on me. I was falling and there was nothing to hold me back. All this time Nicholas had been the one who could bring us back to our world. No wonder he was always so evasive! I couldn't sit down, if I stayed put the pain would floor me. I didn't say anything. I stood up and left the room before Fredricksen could get to his feet. The Beautiful Destructions ORIGIN I walked around in circles before shooting up the stairs. My jaw was clenched so tight it hurt, but I would explode in screams if I let go. My thoughts hurled themseves to my skull. Nothing made sense anymore. Lucy, my Lucy. I had blindly trusted him. He could have saved us all. I was hunched over, crouching by the doors to Maya's wings. I must have been running, I couldn't even remember my way up here. The flames of his betrayal froze as white cold fury began to take over, jagged ice shards in the shell of my skin. I would make him take us back. My hands were on the hilt of my blades when I kicked down the doors to Maya's reception room. "Ellie! What's going on?" Maya demanded, startled, the seamstress shrieking like a car alarm. Nicholas didn't move. He stared me down, his eyes black as night. He was shirtless, and his blades were on the table at the back of the room. "Out!" I shouted. "Maya, take her out please. Right now!" I didn't want to scream at the princess but I was at the limit of my control. She grabbed the seamstress and dragged her out of the room. Every minute of fear. Every minute of pain. Every needle. Every nightmare. Every death. The cause of it all was standing in front of me. And he was going to pay it. "Eleanor?" He asked, concern written all over his eerily perfect face. "You don't have to fake anymore," I growled and lunged straight for him. Left arm curved low, for his ribs - not enough to kill, just enough to hurt. I never even came near. I felt his arm on my shoulder when my feet disconnected from the ground. The ceiling flashed in front of my eyes. I had no time to brace. My back cracked against the table, sending splinters of wood flying around the room. The pain would catch up soon. I tried to take a breath, drawing nails inside my lungs. Stand up Ellie! Stand up and fight! He was already here. Fear strangled me under the black tower of his figure. What would he do to me? He leaned over and I recoiled. His burning hands slid over mine, still clenched around my blades. The room was swirling. My survival instincts were at war with my vengeful rage. I'd not even managed to catch my breath yet. In two hearbeats his fingers had pryed mine opened and disarmed me. Only my pulse was in my ears. The corpse of Lucy clouded my thoughts. He took my blades out of the room and I propped myself on the wall behind me. He'd never take us home, but I would never stop trying. A silver gleam caught my attention. I grabbed his blades, and in less than a second he was next to me. He was too fast, I didn't stand a chance. I tried to hit his flanks with his own weapons but my wrists were locked in his hands before I could move. "What is the matter with you?" He questioned, frustrated. "You tell me, Pathfinder." The anguish was too evident but I was beyond caring. Guilt shook the expressionless mask of his face. A sob broke through my anger. It was true. It was all true. "I know you can travel between the worlds, Nicholas," I accused in a breath. "I cannot." "No more lies," I cried out. "I know you could have taken us back." His silence was enraging. I bit his hand closest to my face and he spread my arms further apart against the wall. "I can't take you back to your world," he whispered. "I can only take you where it's dark and cold." The despair which had only been hinted at now painted a portrait of horror on his face. Ice clamped my stomach and my throat. I was sinking down the deepest abyss with him. "Tell me the truth," I gasped. He leaned on me, his chest against mine, his forehead on the wall when he spoke. "The Guardians of the Light have left us, Eleanor. The paths to the circles of Light are all gone. There is no way back beyond the Guardians themselves." He let go of me and I dropped to the floor. His words weighed on me like stones, crushing me down.I couldn't stand up anymore. The blue mirror of the sky wasn't enough to contain the sunlight, and it came streaming down on us in some cruel joke. I felt so empty as the meaning of it all slowly rippled through me. "You should have told me the truth," I murmured after a while. "The truth," he laughed a hopeless, tortured laugh. "The truth is, we must have failed Eleanor, and we're being punished. We were fourteen. Fourteen Pathfinders. I watched all the others die one by one, driven mad by the dark solitude we'd been left in. And yet here I am, still roaming Origin on an endless search for balance."The truth is, I have been alone for a thousand years, my beautiful Ellie." He kneeled and took my chin in his hand. I couldn't look in his stormy eyes, there was too much sorrow, he was too intense. "And then you came." I held my breath but tears ran down my cheeks. "I am sorry the Guardians brought you and the girls because of me. I am sorry for Lucy." He spoke softly, he sounded so tired too. He stood up and turned around, but I couldn't even bring myself to glance at his back. "I am sorry that you think so little of me that you could believe me capable of such deception. I will leave you alone, that much I have understood. But believe me when I tell you this; there is no hope." He stepped out of the shattered room. Young birds called anxiously outside the window, lively reminders that early spring was in full swing. I barely heard them through the ocean of my mind. My head was under water, muffling every sound, every thought. I couldn't lift the liquid wall which pressed down on me in this choking blur of shock and misery. I waited. The stars disappeared in the black velvet of the night sky. I waited, still and silent. The sun rose again and I knew then. Nicholas was gone. What had I done? Chapter 37 "Is she awake?" Maya's voice was too vibrant in the stillness of the bedroom. "I'm gonna look," Emily replied as if this was one of our games. I remained motionless, curled up under the covers in his bed. A little hand grabbed my shoulder and tried to shake me. I'm sorry Emily, but you're better off with the princess. I'm nothing but a walking disaster. "Do you want me to wake her up?" Emily's voice notched up with excitement. "Go on then." Emily climbed up the bed and jumped on the bouncy mattress, giggling while my head lifted and crashed back in the pillows with each one of her energetic jump. "Careful bunny," I exclaimed when she got close to the edge of the bed. "She's up!" She screamed her victory between two bounces. "Excellent!" Maya pulled open the thick curtain and sat on the bed by my side. "It's been two days Ellie. Whatever happened, you need to get over it." Two days. He was not coming back. After all that pushing away, I'd gotten what I asked. Nicholas had left me. He'd left us. Because after blaming him for keeping secrets, I'd realized I was the one who'd never opened up to him, never shared anything. I'd been defensive, and scared, so scared to get too close. It had been easy to blame him for everything instead of confronting my fears. I knew he'd been an ass too sometimes, that was sure, and I'd not always been wrong - but I bore a large share of the blame. And now it was too late to make it right. "Come on Ellie, things can't be that bad. The ball is tonight, you need to get a grip." "Lord Fredricksen probably uninvited me Maya," I informed her, cringing at the fresh memory of my rude behavior. "About that," the princess started, and paused to clear her throat. "He was somewhat upset, what with all the furniture breaking and whatnot..." I turned around to face her for the first time. "I had to tell him your secret, I'm sorry Ellie, but everything is sorted now. He understands that coming from the Light to this dysfunctional Origin." She paused again, avoiding my eyes. "Should you be asked, about your world I mean... I might have been a bit... creative, let's say." She succeeded in drawing a smile out of me. "What did you tell him?" I asked, sincerely curious. "Well you know," she began vaguely with a wave of her hand. "flying horses and castles, pearls, marble and gold. Incredible foods which make whatever he serves you taste like ash. Bliss. The usual." She shrugged, looking as cute and innocent as could be. "You're ruthless." She smiled. "I try. Speaking of which, I am still upset at you for wrecking my favorite room. I also had to double the seamstress fee to get her to come back, and we still lost a whole day's worth of work." Technically, it was Nicholas who'd thrown me around and broke the furniture but she wouldn't find it funny. I sat up. She was the only friend I had, and I'd be damned if I lost her too. "I am so sorry, Maya. And I am sorry for shouting at you like I did. I hope you can forgive me," I pleaded with her pale jade eyes. "Well, I'll consider forgiving you - if you attend the ball." She grinned at me with all her teeth. She really was ruthless. I rolled my eyes. "You know you've already won," I accused her with a small smile. "Of course I do, that's why I'm a princess. Come now, we only have a few hours to get ourselves sorted." She threw me that scanning, critical gaze I'd come to know, the one where I could almost see the to-do list lenghthening in her head. "You're going to need a whole lot of sorting if you don't want to look like a miserable mess in front of Nicholas." "Nicholas?!" I jumped up at his name and the princess slid me a all-knowing glance. He'd be there? "Yes, Nicholas. He's never missed any of Fredricksen's balls. And after your antics, I reckon he won't be willing to annoy his Lordship any further." Too many emotions crossed my mind all at once. Maya took my hands in hers, and for once I saw her struggle to find the right words. "You know Ellie," her voice was softer, more serious. "I'll be there when you're ready to tell me the whole story." Without a shadow of a doubt, I understood I'd found a friend. A real friend. "Thanks Maya. Thanks a lot." The silence was heavy between us for a few seconds, and Emily checked on us from her eternal drawing notebook. "I'd almost forgotten," the princess exclaimed, her face lighting up. "I can't wait to show you your dress!" She dragged me out of Nicholas' bedroom and skipped all the way to her wing. She stopped in front of my bedroom door, eyes gleaming. "Wait here," she ordered, enjoying herself immensly. "I want to make sure it's perfect. Don't say a thing Emily," she warned the little girl before disappearing into the room. "So, you've seen the dress, have you?" Emily clamped her lips together, her almond eyes glittering with excitement. "Do you think I'm going to like it?" I teased her. She thought about my question, pondering if I was allowed an answer before she nodded eagerly. I smiled, the general sense of festive preparation and excitation gaining me. There was a chance Nicholas would show up tonight. There was a chance I could set things right between us after all. I felt lighter than I had in a long time, even while anticipation rocked from nervousness to exhilaration. "You can come in," Maya called forever later. I pushed open the door and was surprised to find she'd closed the curtains, plunging the room in the dark. Emily ran to the princess. A light came on from somewhere on the floor, revealing the dress displayed on a rack in the middle of the room. "Surprise!" Emily shouted when the light switched on. I was lost for words. "Do you like it?" The princess enquired, stress nawing in her words. "It's incredible, it's better than incredible!" Maya sighed in relief and we both walked closer to the full length gown. It was not merely gold colored - it looked like it had been made from spun gold. The thin material composed a long bustier dress held by delicate white pearl shoulder straps. It could have been fairly conservative, except two thigh-high slits had been cut right at the front. "Turn it over," the princess encouraged like she was about to burst from excitement. I obeyed and bit my lip. I'd been wrong. This dress was not conservative in any universe. "I got the idea from your blades." The dress was backless; instead, the white pearl straps weaved in revealing rows on all the way down to the hips. "I can't believe you made this," I complimented her, in awe. "Well, I only helped designing it. Five tailors have been hard at work for four days." "Don't be modest, it's fantastic." I searched for my words, not wanting to sound ungrateful. "Isn't it a bit revealing though?" "Noooo, no. It's alright. I'm certain Nicholas will love it." Would he? I thought back to Sugar and her boutique. Maybe he would. "He won't be able to take his eyes off of you," she continued, her voice filled with implications. And despite all my new found resistance, I blushed up to my ears. "Ok then, let's get this started. You go to your bathroom, the professionals should be here in a minute." "The professionals?" "You know, hair, make up, waxing... oh my, we'll never have enough time," she mumbled, counting on her fingers. The afternoon was frantic. Frantic and painful. The girls who did my hair pulled it in a million different up dos before they could agree on one, bringing tears to my eye. Maya was getting ready in her own bedroom, as both of our armies of assistants would never have fitted in a single room. I was grateful for the chaos of activities and directions which were 'suggested' to me though. It kept my sanity going, or else I'd have started dwelling on the odds of Nicholas being there or not. Finally it was time to put on my dress. My heart was beating harder, but I wasn't sure why. There was no doubt that the dress would fit, it had been made to measure after all. Still, there was an unsettling feeling, not negative per say, more like a sense of new. I knew it was just a dress, but it was the right of passage I'd skipped all these years - I'd come out of this experience different. Or maybe my overthinking self was in overdrive and seeing too much into this. Maya was called since she had requested to be there when I saw myself with it for the first time. She rushed into the room, looking breathtaking in only a bathrobe with her hair and make up. She couldn't help it, but in moment like these my self-confidence needed a boost, so standing next to the sun did the exact opposite. "Close your eyes, close your eyes!" At least she was having a blast. I waited with my eyes shut while someone fetched the mirror. "Ready? One, two, three!" I opened my eyes. Blinked. Opened my eyes again. I looked nothing like the me I remembered. The woman in the mirror didn't seem an ounce as unsure as I felt. Her face was smooth, divine, untouchable. Of course by now I knew my hair was gold, but in my mind's eyes it had remained the pale blond it had been all my life. In the mirror, it looked as luminous as the dress itself. Even the blue of my eyes popped vividly encased in white eyeliner and gold mascara. I had to catch my breath. "You look like a princess," Emily whispered, her eyes glued to me. "Thank you bunny," I replied, my voice trembling. Just how much time had I wasted on Earth? "Goodness Ellie, your back!" Oh no, the scars! "Did I ruin the dress? Does it look awful?" "Ruin? Oh no! Ellie, the dress was perfect, but now it's spectacular - you are spectacular! I wish you'd told me, I'd have put less pearls." And make me look more naked? I laughed and she clapped. The princess was a beam of positive energy. "One last touch. They nearly didn't arrive on time," she confessed, retrieving two small white belts from one of the assistants. "For your blades," she explained. "I told you they were the theme for the dress? Well, I thought it would be truly unique, and very you, if you wore them at the ball." I nodded, vaguely remembering my half-formed plan of wearing my large black belt. Maya would have murdered me. "They go up your leg, like to hold your tights. They're adjustable too." She smirked, remembering something. "The smith and the tanner thought I was out of my mind, it caused a bit of a delay." I buckled the garter belts and slid in my blades. I'm not sure the maids agreed, but I thought it looked really cool. "It's nearly time. I'll take Emily to my room and finish my own preparation. An usher will accompany you to the staircase. It's easy, you just need to walk down the steps as the guest go 'ooh' and 'aah' at how wonderful you look." "You're not coming?" "I'll be in the audience. Royal family and all that, it would be unbefitting to steal the guests' thunder." "Oh." "Good luck," she said, pulling me in her arms, "even though I know you don't need it." She winked and left with Emily in tow. In a blink, everyone had evacuated my room, leaving me to wait for the knock on my door. I sat up straight on the edge of the sofa, afraid to damage the creation which had requested such a team effort. My heart was loud, hectic and wild. I imagined hearing a faint knock at least a dozen times. I twisted my gold manicured fingers. I waited, counted my breaths. Please, Nicholas. Please be there. I need you. Chapter 38 I had followed the usher like in a dream. The seconds had ticked away so slowly and suddenly, without any warning, time had condensed to leave me trembling behind the heavy blue curtains which guarded the fated stairwell. The sounds from the guests were rising to the hallway were I waited to be called. When I'd arrived, a petite brunette in a red ball gown was disappeared behind the curtain under a roar of claps. I had not been able to help but remark that her dress was made of a whole lot more material than mine. My stomach contracted again, loud enough to cover the music and the voices. I blamed it on hunger, but my inner voice wasn't fooled. It was plain old stress, I was getting the jitters. That sounded too negative, I decided. Let's call it trepidation. I heard my name, or at least I think I did. My fingers were shaking, my teeth were chattering. The curtain rose. There was no one left except me. It must be for me. I held my breath and my head high. The light beyond the curtain was blinding compared to the dimness of the hallway. I plastered a smile on my face, beauty queen style. Even mom would have been proud. One last deep breath. And I crossed the threshold into the light. The crowd was even larger than I had expected. I stood still, taken aback by the eerie silence. All eyes were on me. I began my descent, my cheeks straining against my smile. I breathed slowly through my nose, trying to swallow the threatening wobble in my throat. The time was playing tricks again, this time it seemed it had stopped. One step at a time. The spotlight followed me in this suspended dream. Would I see him? Had he noticed me? There were so many people. The music was a buzz in my ears, my feelings magnified in the shadowless brightness. Please Nicholas, I need to see you one last time. My heat marked the beat of the seconds which separated us. A deafening cheer broke the mass reverie, the clamoring was unanimous. I barely heard them though. Time picked up but my heart stopped. My anxiety vanished. He was breathtaking. How could I have worried about finding him? He stood out, magnificent in black and silver, a rock in a sea of brightly coloured boys. The silver of his eyes was white hot and fixed on me. I shivered, I shook, and the final steps were a distant memory when he held my hand at the end of the stairs. I didn't know what the room looked like, I couldn't look away from him. He whisked me away to dance and the relief raked through my chest. His arms were laced around me once again. Only then did I realize just how much I'd come so close to losing. The Beautiful Destructions ORIGIN "I am sorry, for the things I said, for everything," my voice broke and I hid my face in his strong shoulders, breathing him in, finding life again. "It's unfair", he whispered and his words melted on my throat. "I don't need any more temptation. Do you know just how much I want to steal you away from all of them?" His heated fingers drew a circle on the small of my back, exposed between the rows of pearls. I gripped his neck tighter. I was so weak when he touched me. My legs were like cotton and he held me closer. We weren't dancing anymore but I felt lightheaded. I opened my eyes. It was now or never. "I want to see the Voice", I pronounced as calmly as I could. I could feel the heat of his gaze burning me even though I didn't dare to look. "And why would I do that?" He had moved to the nape of my neck. How could I sense his tongue on my skin without him touching me? The nearness of his lips to the sweet spot where my shoulder meets my throat was electric. "Don't you want a chance to make me stay with you?" It was my gamble, my last card. His hands became steel behind my back. I stepped away to face him but he brought me back to his chest. "Continue..." He commanded in a low voice, moving one hand to my hair, keeping the othed firm, low on my back. "If the Guardians can take us home, you help me". "What if they don't? They might no even speak to you," he whispered in my ear, like a secret, still busying his burning fingers in my neck. The dizziness was returning fast, too fast. "If there no way back..." I took a deep breath. I needed a credible offer or he would ignore me. "If we truly cannot return to our world, I will spend the rest of my life with you." My stomach fluttered with the meaning of my own words. His teeth grazed my throat gently, and his hands were securely around my waist before my legs could betray me. "Interesting proposition," his voice trailed on my too sensitive skin, husky and intense. "But I want more." "More?" "You are condemning me to serving the balance, the Guardians, forever. A few decades together is not enough." He made me twirled, dancing effortlessly while I desperately tried to remember how to breathe. "What do you want?" I murmured in his mouth as he leaned for a kiss. I knew. I knew what he was about to say. "Your soul. Become a Pathfinder too. If returning to your world proves impossible, I want to spend forever next to you. He kissed my neck just where my heart was beating, and I knew I was lost when he smiled his victory. I had sworn to do anything to bring Emily back where she belonged, to her world, her family, her parents. To honor Lucy's memory. But the way my heart beat in unison with his, held in his possessive embrace, I wondered what part of me was so desperate to say yes. "Deal," I breathed my answer before I could change my mind. His magnetic eyes lit up his perfect face, and he owned me in a burning kiss. He was so confident. But in the end, our fate would be in the hands of the Guardians. He turned around to clap and I realized I had completely forgotten that we were not, in fact, alone. His arms closed around me and we began to dance again. "I will get back home", I reminded him. "We will see," he replied with his darkest smile. "Because you're mine." There was a black promise in his eyes. I hoped he was right.