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Secret Admirer Ch. 01

By: Emerald_Dragon



Sebastian dragged his weary feet up the last flight of stairs. Tips had been pretty good tonight and so he had stopped at the all night grocery store on his way home and spent thirty precious dollars on groceries. The rest would be added to his savings account, which was growing due to his absolute diligence on his spending. He shifted the heavy bag to his left hand, fumbled for the keys and let himself in. 

Closing and locking the door behind him he flipped on the light. Flowers? There on the tiny, shabby table that he sat at for meals was the most colorful arrangement of spring flowers he had ever seen. Bright tulips in red, striped and yellow, yellow daffodils, daisies, and baby's breath, some kind of sweet smelling grass stuff and some green frondy things: all combined to make a beautiful splash of color against the rather dingy wall of his apartment. 

How on earth had it gotten into his apartment? He highly doubted that Mrs. Duncan would have heaved her fat self up three flights of stairs just to make sure the flowers and package made it into his apartment. It was far likelier that she would have taken the delivery, and simply not passed it on to him. 

There was a card on the table as well as a small package. The envelope had his name written in swirling calligraphy. He opened it and pulled out a white card, embossed with his name in gold on the front. He opened it and written in the same elegant calligraphy was a short note.

Beloved, 

Happy Valentine's Day a little early. 
I hope that you enjoy the flowers and your gift. 
Thinking of you today.

Your Secret Admirer, 

G

Sebastian's jaw dropped. A secret admirer? Him? Oh God, some poor female had lost her mind. There had only been one or two girls in his entire life that he had felt attracted to: and one of those had been in grade school. Mostly his fantasies had consisted of men, usually men older than he was.  A daddy complex Sarah had teased him gently. 

Shaking his head he opened the small box covered with a golden paper and bow. Inside, were a small book and a tin of his favorite tea, a very expensive brand that he had only treated himself to twice last year because of the price. 

Feeling rather guilty, he put some water on to boil. It was alright he told himself, there was no way to know who had given it to him so it wasn't like he could return it. He put his groceries away, made himself a cup of fragrant tea and sat down at the table across from the flowers and opened the book 'Victorian Flower Meanings'. 

Paging through the book he found that some of the pages were marked with sticky notes. He discovered that tulips in general meant 'perfect lover': red tulips meant 'declaration of love', the striped tulips (which he found out were called variegated) meant 'beautiful eyes', yellow tulips said 'there is sunshine in your smile. The yellow daffodils meant 'chivalry' while the general meanings were 'regard, sunshine and respect'. The baby's breath meant 'innocence and pure of heart'. The green frondy things turned out to be maidenhair ferns which were 'secret bond of love or discretion'. The cheerful daisies meant 'innocence, loyal love, purity and beauty. The very last ingredient in his bouquet was lemon grass. Grass itself meant 'submission' while the lemon grass meant homosexual love.

Maybe his admirer wasn't a woman after all? He reached out and touched a silky tulip petal. They were definitely a romantic, whoever they were. He had never really paid all that much attention to Valentine's Day. The one year he had had a boyfriend things had ended very badly just after Christmas. These flowers were his first Valentine's Day present that hadn't been the little cards that he had exchanged in grade school. 

He had never really dated, except for Aaron. He thought a little nostalgically about the good times with Aaron, and then shook his head. He had been young and in love; and stupid, very stupid for staying as long as he did. He had paid for that, and paid dearly.

He smiled. A secret admirer. Even if he never met them it was nice to be noticed for once. He felt that he was pretty ordinary looking, brown hair and eyes, average height and build, nothing about him was terribly eye catching. Whoever had sent the flowers must have been watching him fairly closely to know what his favorite tea was though. He frowned that that. He hadn't noticed anyone out of the ordinary hanging around. Maybe it was someone he knew?

Eyes aching from tiredness he crawled onto his futon bed and curled up under the log cabin quilt that his grandmother had given him for his tenth birthday. In the light of the streetlight shining in his window he could see his bouquet across the small room. He was still smiling as he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

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Sebastian was up early the next morning, regardless that he didn't have to be to work until three in the afternoon. He ate a quick breakfast, admiring his flowers, and then threw his soup on to cook. Made from rather cheap ingredients it was a tasty concoction of white beans (which he bought dry and soaked), a ham bone, and a variety of vegetables which generally tended to be the last few carrots, celery, potatoes (generally a bit wilted), an onion and a garlic clove. He had always loved to cook, learning practically at his mother's knee.

At two o'clock he tucked the lidded pot into the fridge, got ready for work and stopped off to pay rent before leaving the building. Mrs. Duncan's sour expression didn't change and he said nothing about the flowers. He simply handed her the money order and headed out for work. Early on he had been warned by the other tenants not to pay in cash unless he asked for a receipt. His beady eyed landlord had been known to 'forget' that someone had paid the rent and demand it twice. He shook his head, what a bitch.

Work went smoothly, as it always did on Sundays. When he had first started bartending at 'The Happy Hour' he had expected tips to be much less than they were during the weekends. They were for the most part, but still better than he expected due to the large amount of regulars that were decent tippers. He liked this job. In the past three months he had been able to quit his other jobs and pick up extra hours here. He definitely liked having some money in savings again. Once he had reached his minimum goal for that, he was planning to do some things for himself, like some new clothes and shoes, as well as treats like his favorite tea. He didn't mind shopping at thrift stores; they had pretty decent stuff for the main part. It would be nice to have something new though.

Sebastian kept a close eye on his regulars and new customers trying to guess if any of them were his secret admirer. No one seemed to treat him any differently than they had before. There was the usual crowd. Fridays and Saturdays were the busy days, but during the week the bar was open for lunch and supper and a lot of the local businessmen, lawyers, secretaries and such stopped by for a quick bite. 

"You're kinda quiet tonight," Sara commented as they took a quick break during a lull. 

"Well," he hemmed. He liked Sara, he really did, but sometimes she could be a down-right pain in the ass. Mentally kicking himself, knowing that he would probably regret it, he told her. "I got some flowers yesterday."

"Well, who were they from?" she asked, almost jumping up and down, her ponytail bobbing. 

"I don't know," he said, grinning at her. Sara was only a year older than he was at 22, but sometimes acted like she was 12.

She giggled, "you schmuck, stop drawing it out and just tell me!" She mock punched him in the shoulder.

"Ok, ok," he said. "They are from a secret admirer. There are you happy now?"

"Oh that is so cool!! Do you know who it is?"

"Sara," he groaned, "what part of 'secret admirer' do you not understand? I have no idea."

She continued to tease him off and on through out the evening and he was more than happy to close up the bar at 11 and head out for home. His step was lighter; he wasn't as tired as he usually was. Sebastian had the next few days off and he was looking forward to them. He was kind of hoping he would have another letter waiting for him. It added to his anticipation and for once he was actually looking forward to getting home.

Sure enough, on the table next to his flowers were another card and a single red rose. Locking the door behind him he crossed to the table and opened it with eager hands.

My Beloved, 

You were smiling today. I hope that 
you had a good day. I am planning to 
introduce myself soon. I hope that I do 
not disappoint you. I can only tell you 
that you stole my breath the moment I 
first saw you. 

G

Sebastian grinned, his heart pounding a bit. He felt a bit giddy as he put the note into his dresser, next to the first. He then added his rose to the bouquet and more water to the vase. 

As he expected: red roses meant love and desire. Grinning from ear to ear he heated up a bowl of his soup and sat down to eat it. Him, he had a very romantic secret admirer, just imagine. He didn't really care what they looked like. Rather than some looker that would turn heads where ever they went, (a bit like Aaron had) he just wanted someone to love him. Was it really so bad to want someone that would take care of him? Not that he wanted a sugar daddy or anything, but it would be nice to have someone take the lead, to have someone to help shoulder the burden that his life felt like sometimes. Was it so wrong to crave someone strong that he could trust and rely on to make good decisions for both of them sometimes?

He sighed. He had to try and not get his hopes to high. Most of the guys that had tried to pick him up were only interested in a fling or a fuck buddy. 

Finishing his soup he took a hot shower and crawled into his bed. He lay awake for quite a while trying to tamp down his excitement so he could sleep. When he finally did his dreams were filled with flowers.

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A knocking on the door woke him from a deep sleep. Slapping a hand down on his snooze button he rolled over. He finally woke up enough to realize that it was the door.

"Just a minute," he shouted. It was nearly 10 am; he almost never slept this late. He scrambled for a t-shirt (he usually just slept in his flannel pj bottoms) and flipping on the light, opened the door.

A middle age lawyer type stood there, complete with leather brief case. 

"Hello, are you Sebastian Torrance?"

Sebastian just looked at him for a second, still stupid with sleep.

"Yeah," he rasped, running a hand through his untidy brown hair, suddenly very conscience of still being in his pj's.

"I am Donald Hartman. I am representing the estate of Aaron Stiles. May I come in?

"Estate?" he asked, not moving from the door, nor making any move to let this stranger into his apartment. His hackles had gone up instantly at the mention of Aaron's name. 

"Well, yes," Mr. Hartman replied, looking a little surprised at not being welcomed immidely inside. "My law firm is the executor for Mr. Stiles will." He smiled, obviously trying to put Sebastian at ease, and failing miserably.

"Will?" Sebastian asked, still not quite comprehending why this man was on his doorstep.

"Yes. Mr. Stiles has passed away. He left a will and you are named in it. Can we discuss this inside?"

"Alright," said Sebastian, still mentally hesitating. He stood to the side and ushered Mr. Hartman in. "Why don't you sit down," Sebastian waved at a chair at his small table. "Can I get you some tea? I am sorry I don't have any coffee."

"Tea is more than fine," Mr. Hartman replied. 

Sebastian put some water on to boil and used the opportunity of puttering in his tiny kitchen to try to wake up. 

He poured out two mugs, sat down at the table with his toasted bagel and waited.

"Thank you," said Mr. Hartman taking a sip, and then another as he caught the fragrant aroma and light taste of Sebastian's favorite tea.

"Mr. Stiles died of complications from an emergency appendectomy, while he was still in prison," the lawyer began. "He had a fairly large estate due to the sudden death of his parents last year from a car accident. He has left you as the sole beneficiary of his will." Here he paused, obviously waiting for a response from Sebastian.

Sebastian just sat, chewing the bite of bagel in his mouth that had suddenly turned to ashes. "Well wasn't that nice of him," he said with far more sarcasm than he had intended.

"Mr. Torrance, I am aware of the circumstances surrounding this case. I can assure you that Mr. Stiles was genuinely sorry for what he did," Mr. Hartman said gently. "Part of that may be due to the fact that his parents insisted that he see a psychologist four times a week while he was in prison or they threatened to cut all ties with him: that and the fact that they tested him regularly for drug use also. Being forced to remain sober and drug free did good things for that young man. He might have actually turned into a decent human being given enough time."

Sebastian's jaw had dropped to the floor. Absolute surprise had replaced the anxiety and anger that had swamped him when Aaron's name had first been mentioned. He hadn't expected this man to know much of anything about him, let alone not care that he was gay.

Mr. Hartman smiled slightly at Sebastian's reaction. "I was the Stiles' attorney for almost 15 years, and a close friend for almost twenty. Aaron had been in trouble off and on for years, even in grade school. There isn't much that went on that they didn't turn me to legal advice for. No one was really aware that you had changed your name after what happened. It took me almost six months to track you down." Reaching into his briefcase he pulled out a sheaf of documents.

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Sebastian shut the door and leaned heavily on it for a moment. Mr. Hartman had just left, after over an hour of discussion and obtaining his signature on what seemed like a million documents.

Two hundred thousand dollars was what he would have once all of the taxes were paid. His first impulse was to refuse it. After what Aaron had put him through he wasn't sure he wanted any reminders. The scars on his body were quite enough, as well as the bad dreams that still haunted him from time to time. Almost unwillingly though, he had become a bit excited. College, he could afford to go to college if he kept it. Up until now that had been a far off dream, a someday, somehow. He imagined being able to go to school full time and not have to work 70 hours a week to make ends meet.

Grinning and feeling giddy he took a quick shower and got dressed. He was full of too much energy to stay put. He grabbed his jacket and headed out for a celebratory lunch and some shopping.

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Watching his quarry leave his apartment, Gabriel was ready when Isaac, or Sebastian as he called himself now, hit the street. His apartment was in the middle of the downtown area and close to all the shopping, restaurants, and entertainment one could find in a city this size. The small camera that he had installed in the hallway outside Sebastian's door had paid off. He had been worried when the suit had shown up this morning. The small bug that he had planted under the table had worked well and he soon learned that the man was no threat to the boy that he was fast considering his own. He shook his head at himself as he got out of the van and shadowed Sebastian from across the street. 

He had first heard of Isaac Sebastian Anderson a month ago when an older man had shown up and hired him to find him. Gabriel hadn't liked the look of the man, his attitude or his scent, which reeked of stale alcohol and a body that hadn't seen a bar of soap for a while. The man had produced cash and quite a bit of information on Isaac though, along with several pictures. It was the pictures that had prompted him to take the case. There was something about the brown eyed young man that had tugged at him, refusing to leave his thoughts. And so he had searched. 

The man had obviously hoped that Gabriel would simply do his job and not ask any extra questions or go digging. Gabriel however had put his skills to good use and discovered all manner of things about Isaac/Sebastian and his family that his client hadn't counted on. He knew everything about Sebastian that there was to know, from his birth weight to his choice of name change (Torrance was his favorite grandmother's maiden name). 

The client had turned out to be the young man's step-father. A little more digging had turned up a gold mine on the small time con-artist and wife beater. He also learned that the man's wife, Sebastian's mother, had recently died. She had had a trust, left for her by a relative that she had received a monthly check from. The principal of the trust could not be touched. Her husband had spent her money even before she had received it. According to the trust only a blood relative, starting with her son, would inherit. 

Why the man wanted Sebastian tracked down was anyone's guess. Gabriel had a hard time believing that it was to tell him that his mother died. More than likely it had to do with the money. And that couldn't be good for Sebastian. 

He followed Sebastian as the young man window shopped and stopped at a small coffee shop/café for lunch. He followed him in and sat at a small table near the door while Sebastian ate at the counter.

His fascination with Sebastian had started with his high school pictures. He was handsome, with brown hair and eyes, full lips and eyes that smiled right along with the rest of his face. Something about him called to him, making him wonder if he was going crazy. His dreams were full of the young man; usually in his bed, begging to be taken, soft lips meeting his in endless kisses and the lithe body under his. The first time he had broken into Sebastian's apartment he had caught the scent of the boy in the dirty cloths basket in the bathroom. The scent of him was enough to make him so hard it was painful. He didn't just want him, he needed him, and that was enough to scare him senseless. 

His people believed in soul mates although Gabrielle had always been skeptical. As friends and family began to pair off he had wondered however. He had put that down to being gay in a clan that was both intolerant and suspicious of a 'different' type of sexuality. He had left home after his family had found out what he was. His two older sisters were the only ones that he had kept in contact with over the years. They were a little more understanding of him. They had both married outside of their immediate clan and had a slightly broader view of the world. 

Gabriel watched a little jealously as Sebastian began to chat with several other young men about the same age. He obviously knew them, as the conversation was comfortable and full of laughter. As he stood at the counter to pay his bill he listened as they discussed the clubs they were planning to hit that night. Sebastian accepted their invite to go with them. Gabe suppressed his urge to growl and then smiled. He would invite Sebastian to dance tonight, that would be a good way to introduce himself.

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Sebastian woke with a raging headache. The sun shone directly into his apartment, indicating that it was afternoon. He was so warm and comfortable that he didn't want to move though. He lay still for a little while, trying to go back to sleep. Eventually though, the need to pee and get something for his headache triumphed. He tried to sit up and became aware for the first time that there was a large body tangled up in the sheets with him. Slowly, gingerly, he disentangled himself and practically ran to the bathroom.

He peed first; feeling like his bladder was going to explode if he didn't. He was wearing his usual tee shirt and flannel sleep pants. He would know if he had had sex, wouldn't he? He didn't feel like he had, his ass wasn't sore like it usually had been after a night with Aaron. 


Secret Admirer Ch. 01



He took two Tylenol and drank several small glasses of water as he stood at the small sink. He didn't remember drinking all that much last night. He also didn't remember much of the night before at all, let alone undressing and putting his pj's on. What the hell had happened? Squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath, trying to ignore the pounding of his head he stepped out of the bathroom.

Sleeping soundly in his bed was a large man. Not large as in tall, Sebastian didn't think that he was all that much taller than he was, but he had a very tanned, broad chest that was covered in a mat of dark, curling hair. His hair thinned over his belly, disappearing into the man's rather worn blue jeans, Sebastian noted with relief. If they both had clothes on chances are that they hadn't had sex. God, had he picked this guy up? The guy hadn't taken advantage of his inebriated state the night before. This was a major point in his favor. Sebastian's thoughts were rolling around in his head a mile a minute, making it ache more than it already was.

The man's face was just as square as his body with a strong chin, large nose, high, rather flat cheekbones and dark lashes and eyebrows. Almost against his will, Sebastian crossed quietly over to the bed and sat gingerly on the side. The man's features were almost too strong to be called handsome, but it was a face that was definitely not forgettable. His eyes opened and Sebastian was reminded of a sleepy jungle cat. Bedroom eyes, was the thought that popped into his head.

"Good morning Sebastian," rumbled a deep voice, and the slate grey eyes smiled along with his lips. "Are you feeling alright?"

"No," replied Sebastian quietly, "my head feels like it has been run over by a truck. Who are you and what are you doing here?"

The man just smiled that sleepy smile. "My name is Gabriel. I was planning on introducing myself to you but this isn't exactly the way I had it planned."

The phrase 'introducing myself to you' struck a memory. Sebastian's eyes narrowed slightly. "The flowers?" he asked.

"Yes," Gabriel nodded. "I was at the same bar you were at last night. To tell you the truth, I was following you. The 'friend' that stayed with you after your other friends left reefed your drink." Gabriel's eyes narrowed and his fists clenched. He shifted his gaze to Sebastian's face, "I beat the shit out of him and left him in the alley. Apparently he thought he could sneak you out the back."

Sebastian smiled when Gabriel had revealed himself as his secret admirer. 'Wow,' he thought to himself. His smile faded and he went pale as Gabriel told him what had happened. He didn't even want to think of the consequences if Chris had gotten away with it. He had been there once before and was still haunted by the nightmares. He didn't even think of questioning Gabriel's story, something in his gut told him that he was telling the truth, even if he couldn't consciously pull the memories out. God, how close had he been to disaster only to have a total stranger save him from the brink.

He didn't realize that he was shaking until Gabriel sat up and pulled him into a hug. "Hey, you're ok babe," he soothed stroking Sebastian's back. 

Hot tears sprang to his eyes. Chris hadn't been more than an acquaintance, a friend of a friend, but the thought of how close he had come to being raped, again, shook him to the core. Gabriel's strong arms were around him now and Sebastian could not help the hot tears that streaked his cheeks and the sobs that shook him. Even as he wept he acknowledged how good it felt to be held again, comforted. God how he missed being held. He clung to Gabriel's bare skin, his face buried in his chest, tickled slightly by his thick chest hair. 

Gabriel pulled Sebastian back into bed, pulling him close and covering them both with the quilt. It felt so right to have this young man in his arms. He stroked his back and his soft hair, murmuring reassurances. He could feel the tension starting to leave the lithe body laying so close to his, even as the sobbing started to abate. 

Sebastian stirred and lifted his head so he could see Gabriel's face. Gabriel's steely grey eyes were soft and concerned and his strong, rather thick fingers caressed his face gently. They wiped away the tears that still clung to his lashes and left wet tracks down his cheeks. 

Leaning forward, slowly, giving Sebastian time to pull back if he wanted, he placed a light kiss on his forehead. He began to trail feather light kisses, following the arch of his brow, the tilt of his cheekbone, the well defined jaw line and up finally to a soft kiss on the young man's lips.

Gabriel looked into Sebastian's rather dazed brown eyes and reigned in his self control. As much as he wanted to pleasure this young man, to stroke and taste every inch of him, to make him scream with want and need, to sate his own lust deep in the lithe body, now was not the time. He didn't ever want Sebastian to feel that he had been taken advantage of because of the situation. He wanted absolutely no question to ever come between them; this young man was worth waiting for.

"Sleep little one," he told him, caressing his face and hair, "we can talk about everything when you are more rested."

"But," Sebastian started hesitantly.

"Shh," replied Gabriel, "I am not going anywhere. I won't let anything happen to you."

Sebastian allowed Gabriel to pull him close again and he relaxed against the strong body, his head in the hollow of Gabriel's shoulder, hesitantly resting his hand on Gabriel's chest. Gabriel's strong body seemed to radiate heat and Sebastian luxuriated in the warmth. His smell was spice and musk and all man. Gabriel took his hand and entwined their fingers together even as his other hand continued to stroke Sebastian's back.

Sebastian let the feeling of being held and caressed seep into his bones. This man was a stranger and yet treated him as though he was something precious, something to be protected and cherished. He was still surprised that he was lying in a strange man's arms feeling more comfortable than alarmed. Exhausted, with his head still aching he let his eyes close and slipped into a restful doze, the feeling that he was safe and loved following him into sleep.

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Sebastian woke sometime later feeling much more rested. He could also feel caressing fingers, ever so lightly, skimming his face and hair. He smiled without opening his eyes.

"Beloved," it was a low whisper, "what you do to me."

Sebastian burrowed closer to the warm body next to him. He could feel the well muscled body that was holding him close. He could also feel Gabriel's arousal against his hip. Sebastian could also feel in himself the rising need to be closer to this man, to touch him skin to skin.

He opened his eyes and nuzzled against the skin of Gabriel's neck and without really thinking about it began to press light kisses to the tanned skin. He could feel Gabriel's groan with his ears as well as through his skin. Sebastian gave a light, open mouthed kiss and lick to the salty skin. 

Gabriel gasped. The light touches and caresses that Sebastian was giving him were pushing him to the edge of his control.

"Sebastian," he ground out as the young man began to move his hips against Gabriel.

Sebastian stopped and propped himself up on an elbow. "I thought that the handsome rescuer always got a kiss as a reward," he teased, smiling into Gabriel's smoky grey eyes. "You didn't take advantage of the fact that I was completely out of it last night and that says a lot. And I never did get a chance to thank you for my beautiful flowers."

He leaned down, amazed at his boldness and started kissing Gabriel, gentle, teasing, nibbling kisses along the edges of his lips.

Gabriel groaned and turning his head slightly, captured Sebastian's lips with his own. The kiss quickly turned carnal. Gabriel couldn't get enough of the boy's sweet lips and he plundered his mouth with a series of kisses that left Sebastian shaking with need.

Gabriel was on top of him now, grinding his hips into Sebastian's as their kisses intensified. Sebastian's moans of pleasure as Gabriel's hands stroking his body were almost too much for the man to bear. Breaking the kiss abruptly he slid down Sebastian's body and pulled his flannel sleep pants down far enough to free the boy's aching erection.

Sebastian cried out as Gabriel's mouth enveloped his cock. The incredible feelings intensified as Gabriel began to suck, lick and tease his erection. It had never been like this before. The big man was purely concentrating on Sebastian's pleasure rather than trying to get him off as quickly as possible so they could fuck. Gabriel pulled Sebastian's pants down to his ankles and settled in between his legs. He began to stroke his balls with one hand as his warm mouth he continued to tease Sebastian's aching cock.

Sebastian was beyond thought. His world had condensed to the man that was between his legs, pleasuring him beyond anything he had ever felt before. The strong hands on his body stroking, kneading, caressing him were almost as arousing as the warm, moist mouth that sucked and explored his cock and balls. One thick, gentle finger pushed into his ass as his entire length was buried in Gabriel's mouth and he came. He cried out his pleasure as he writhed, impaled on Gabriel's finger, his seed pouring forth in spurt after spurt of his release.

Gabriel had been grinding his hips into the sheets as he pleasured the beautiful boy under him. He quickly opened his pants and three strokes was all it took, along with the taste of Sebastian's release and he climaxed so hard he felt as if his body had exploded into a rain of fiery sparks. As he came down from his high he could hear Sebastian's moaning pants as he came down from his own orgasm. He pulled himself up next to Sebastian and cuddled close to the panting, sated boy. They lay like that for long minutes.

Sebastian's stomach gave a long growl and he giggled as Gabriel laughed.

"How about I have some Chinese take-out delivered," he asked as he rose from the bed. He fastened up his pants and he could see the blush that stained Sebastian's cheeks. "Why don't you shower while I order?"

"Ok," said Sebastian, feeling ridiculously shy.

Gabriel chuckled and pulled a naked Sebastian up from the bed and into his arms. "You are adorable when you blush," he said bending his head to press kisses along Sebastian's collar bone. "I wish your shower was big enough for both of us."

Sebastian laughed breathlessly. He had been right, Gabriel only stood about an inch taller than he was although he seemed about twice as wide with his broad shoulders and muscular body. He drew a shuddering breath at Gabriel's hands and lips on his body. What was it about this man that left him wanting to throw himself on the bed and demand to be taken? 

"God you are beautiful," rasped Gabriel nibbling on his shoulder. "You had best get into the shower or I'll never get the food ordered. Do you have any favorites?"

"General Tso's or pork lo mien with an extra order of veggies," he replied. Despite the fact that his stomach was grumbling he was wishing that they could just skip the food and go right back to bed.

Feeling rather dazed, Sebastian showered quickly. He dressed casually in jeans and a button down flannel shirt over his tee shirt as Gabriel showered in his tiny bathroom. Gabriel came out of the bathroom dressed only in his jeans, towel drying his hair. Every muscle seemed sculpted with just the right amount of hair covering his chest, thinning as it went down to his abs and disappeared into his jeans. Sebastian had never seen a man look quite as sexy as Gabriel did right at that moment and that feeling went straight to his groin.

Gabriel opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a knock on the door. He detoured over to open it and Sebastian quickly got two plates with assorted silverware and soy sauce on the table as Gabriel brought the food over and began pulling the white boxes out of the bag.

Gabriel had purchased enough for a small army Sebastian decided as they opened each box and began sampling. Nothing much was said as they tucked in to the first servings. Once Sebastian started eating he realized exactly how hungry he was. With the sun setting he realized it had been about 24 hours since his last meal.

"So when did you first see me?" asked Sebastian finally, watching Gabriel's strong hands wield a pair of chopsticks far more gracefully than he had expected.

"Well," said Gabriel, he hesitated a second and then decided just to be blunt, "I am a private detective. I was hired to find you." 

"Hmm," Sebastian nodded as he swallowed the bite in his mouth. "Mr. Hartman said it had taken them a while to find me. I didn't realize that they had hired someone to do it."

"Um, it wasn't the suit," Gabriel said, he decided to be blunt, "It was a man named Dwayne Sizzer."

Sebastian froze.

"Your stepfather," Gabriel continued.

"He strutted into my office smelling like he hadn't bathed in weeks. I didn't like him from the moment I laid eyes on him," Gabriel said, sliding his hand over to touch Sebastian, "I was going to refuse him and then he slid your picture across my desk. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I figured he was up to no good. If I didn't find you he would hire someone else and I figured you would need a heads up." 

"Why the hell would he want to find me?" asked Sebastian after a long silence. He interlaced his slim fingers with Gabriel's, accepting his unspoken apology at having been associated even for a minute with the bastard that was his step father. 

"Did you know that your mother had passed away?"

Sebastian nodded.

"I am guessing that you inherited her trust and that he wants it," Gabriel said grimly. "The only reason I can see him spending a fair amount of money to find you is that he hopes to get more out of you."

"I didn't even know that she had a trust," said Sebastian. "I thought that my grandparents were sending us the money that we lived on."

Gabriel shook his head. "Apparently when she left the church and ran away she had a maiden aunt that passed away shortly afterwards and left her quite a chunk of change."

"I always wondered," said Sebastian slowly, "from what little she would tell me about them they sound like the kind of people that would have passed her starving in the street and kept on walking."

Gabriel nodded. "Sounds about right," he replied. "From the sounds of it there is still a sizable chunk of money left and you inherit it. I am guessing money is what he wants."

"Money," Sebastian said bitterly, "it will be a cold day in hell before I give that bastard a damn thing."

"I figured as much," Gabriel replied. "I... I don't want you to think that the money is why I am here," he said slowly. His thumb made lazy circles on Sebastian's hand. "The more I found out about you the more I wanted to meet you, get to know you."

Sebastian glanced up, a cold feeling of dread starting in the pit of his stomach. 

"Just what did you find out about me," he asked carefully. There was so much that he didn't want anyone to know. That was why he had changed his name; to start fresh with a blank slate.

"Everything," Gabriel replied, fully aware of the change in Sebastian's demeanor. 

Sebastian tried to pull his hand away. God he knew everything. How could he even want to be here? Was this some kind of sick, perverted joke? 

Gabriel pulled an unresisting Sebastian over into his lap.

Sebastian felt numb and waited for the hammer to fall: waited for all of his unspoken dreams to come crashing down around him. 

"Don't you want to know what I found?" Gabriel asked gently.

Sebastian shook his head, fighting off tears and looking away.

"I found out just how strong you were to have survived growing up in a house with that man," Gabriel said. "I found out that you had way than your share of shit thrown at you growing up than anyone ever deserved. I found out that you tried to love someone and were terribly hurt. And yet you had the courage to press charges and start your life over. You are an incredible man Sebastian." Gabriel stroked Sebastian's shaking shoulders.

"All of the horrible things that you have endured and you didn't let it destroy you. You came out of it with your soul and decency in tact. Please look at me Sebastian."

Gabriel's large hand cupped his cheek, turning Sebastian's face to him. His eyes were closed with tears leaking through his lashes and streaking his cheeks.

"Please look at me Bastian," Gabriel's voice was soft. "Please let me love you."

Sebastian opened his eyes in absolute shock, still disbelieving. What he saw was a pair of teary grey eyes that spoke volumes.

"How could you possibly want me," he whispered. 

"How could I not?" Gabriel replied. He pulled Sebastian into a gentle kiss of pure tenderness. 

Sebastian gave a long, shaky sigh as Gabriel gently wiped the tears from his face with a napkin. 

"What happens now?" he asked quietly, meeting Gabriel's grey eyes.

A smile tugged at the corner of Gabriel's mouth. "Now I sweep you off your feet," he said softly. "I talk you into moving in with me and living happily ever after: after, I deal with your step-father."

"He won't leave me alone," said Sebastian, "not until he gets what he wants."

Gabriel's eyes went steely and his lips firmed into a thin line. "When I get through with him he will never bother you again. I protect what's mine." His voice was harsh and Sebastian had a glimpse of another side of his would-be lover. 

"Yours?" Sebastian asked.

Something in his voice warned Gabriel to tread carefully. 

"Mine," he replied, "as much as I am yours, heart and soul." 

His eyes searched Sebastian's. "I would never ask what I am not willing to give," he told him. "I am rather possessive I will admit but I will never try to control you or force you to do anything you don't want to do."

"Aaron wanted to own me," Sebastian said after a long silence. He looked away from Gabriel. "It was nice at first, to have someone so interested in me, wanting me to spend all of my time with him. Then he got demanding, controlling, abusive..."

Sebastian's voice trailed off. "I want to go to college, do some traveling." He looked at Gabriel, trying to articulate his feelings.

"Bakersfield has a University," Gabriel replied. "I know what you mean, love. I would never keep you from pursuing your goals. I want a relationship, give and take, bad times and good times, compromise with lots of love. I've waited so long to find the man for me."

He tipped his head back trying to find the words. "I want to love you as a whole person Sebastian, not as an extension of myself. I want to be the one to cheer you on with your goals and celebrate with you when you achieve them. And I would need you to do the same for me, to love me as I am."

Sebastian smiled, a smile that lit up his face and made Gabriel's heart twist with longing. "That sounds really good," he said, caressing Gabriel's face, "like a fairy tale almost."

Gabriel smiled back, "Be Mine, Valentine?" he teased.

"Hmmm....Valentine's Day isn't for another two days," said Sebastian, his eyes twinkling, "I suppose I have that long to decide."

Gabriel growled low in his throat, "Is there anything I can do to speed that decision along?"

He caught Sebastian's earlobe in his teeth, giving it a gentle bite and nuzzling into his neck.

"Oh yes."

@@@@

Originally this story was written to be part of the Valentine's Day Contest. I have ideas for at least several other chapters so I couldn't enter it. Sebastian's step father has to be delt with and there are a lot of things about Gabriel that Sebastian has to find out (like why the story is in the (nonhuman section). I hope that you like the story. It may be a while before the next chapter is finished so please bear with me!!!!



Secret Admirer Ch. 02



Hi everyone. Sorry it's been a while since the last chapter. I've just been really busy with studying. Thanks for all your lovely comments, I really appreciate them. On to the story...

I must admit that most of my thoughts were occupied by my secret admirer. I spent countless hours going through various people that it could be. I didn't know whether to just forget about it or wait and see what would happen. I was suddenly imagining scenarios where it would be some guy who could sweep me off my feet, take me to heaven and back and we would live happily ever after in a dream house by the sea with a dog and my kids coming to visit as often as possible. Yeah, so maybe not exactly real life, but I could dream the fairytale life couldn't I? 

Anyway, I didn't even know how my kids would react if they knew I was bi-sexual. What if I was to have a relationship with a guy one day, would they accept it or would they freak out and never speak to me again? The thought of that nearly gave me a heart attack, so I decided to quit thinking such thoughts.

At dinner about a week later the mood seemed to be a little tense. Laura was pre-occupied with her own wandersome thoughts and didn't say much. Joe, my eldest boy was whispering quietly with Darren about something. I figured it was teenage stuff. I really admired both my boys. They were so close in age and sometimes it caused arguments no end, but other times they were like twins and inseparable. Joe was only four months old when we found out Laura was expecting again. To say it was a shock was an understatement. Back then we didn't realize she could get pregnant so quickly afterwards so we didn't use protection. Not that we complained or anything, but money was a little tight. I always wanted a boy, even when I was younger I always longed for a 'little me' who would follow me around, who I could take to sports games, play with cars and build things. (I guess comes from having 3 sisters) That rarely happened with my boys, although I went to everything my kids did and played. Joe loves his music and Darren, well anything in the car or bike department is his passion. Hannah, well she's my little baby. She's a mummy's girl at heart, but still my angel. 

I was staring at my three precious gems and just thinking about what I would do without them in my life and how proud I was of them, when I was nudged in the arm by Laura. I finished my meal and stood up. I grinned at my children and I could see the mock horror on their faces as they knew what was coming.

"Awww Daaaaaaaaad." They moaned, trying to hide their faces.

I moved and leaned over to give them sloppy wet kisses on the cheek. "I love you kids, more than anything else in the world." They chanted that bit with me. I laughed along with Laura. Okay, so I was silly sometimes.

After that, things became quiet but I could tell that the boys were nervous about something. I wondered if it was personal, but they kept glancing my way and whispering again. Did they know about the secret admirer? Had they overheard something? I saw Joe blush a few times when he looked over my way and wondered if it was about sex or relationships. I was always honest with them about stuff like that. From day one, I taught them to love and respect their bodies. When they were old enough, I told them about puberty, masturbation, sex, love and all the bits in between. I'd always made it clear that if they had any questions, they could come to me and never feel embarrassed. Laura had the job of teaching Hannah only the month or so before hand, about periods and horrible stuff like that. I know I was a little worried, as the boys were at that age when hormones were playing up. I'd lost my virginity at fourteen, and knots started to form in my stomach when I thought of Joe having sex so early. I wondered if they both masturbated together or went further like me and Andy did. Obviously that was different, we were friends, but still, I knew even then that it happened with siblings, especially ones so close in age.

Surprisingly, the thought didn't bother me, if they did, I was glad they had someone to share it with. It got me thinking that maybe I would have another chat to them soon about mutual masturbation and sex at an early age. I wondered whether I should tell them about my own experiences with gay sex, just so they know that it's okay to experiment. But then again, would it just freak them out? It made me wonder whether one of my own kids could be gay or Hannah a lesbian. Some say it's in the genes. I had always brought them up to treat everyone as equal, but it made me worry that they would think differently of me if they knew that side of my personality or nature or whatever it is. Would they still love and respect me as their father?

Oh the joys of parenting!

******************

That night whilst in the bath, I thought about my teenage years. Some might say they were the best years of my life, learning, experimenting and growing, but it was also difficult for me admitting who I was. Okay, so I was attracted to both sexes, but if I had to choose, men would have been my priority, but I wanted a family, so met and fell in love with Laura. 

Thinking about my earlier experiences with the male form got my imagination going overdrive. I just love the way a man's skin feels, so hard, but also soft and strong. I love to feel a male body spooning behind me with his dick nestled against my lower back or butt and his strong hands gripping me tight over my chest. I longed to feel the stubble of a man's face when waking up in the morning and catching a morning kiss. To feel him kissing, caressing, loving my body and me loving him back from head to toe. How I missed those days.

I noticed that my hands began to roam over my body as these thoughts passed through me. It always turned me on so I let myself feel all over. It had been a long time since I'd really loved my body in that way. Oh yeah, so I'd jerked off like every guy on a daily basis, but not took time to make a long session out of it. I liked to be teased and held back from orgasm for as long as possible. I played with my nipples as I watched my dick pulse and throb half out of the water. I grabbed the soap and made my chest slippery, running my fingers gently along the shaft, causing tingles throughout my body. My hand held onto the shaft and watched as I squeezed a little pre-cum out of the tip, holding my foreskin back. I slowly stroked myself as my left fingers played with my nipples, then to my balls, where I played and held them for a while. Eventually, I spread my legs wider and adjusted my body a little so I could tease my hole.

It had been a while since I'd been able to do this and I wanted to make sure I made it good. Squeezing my dick again, I brought a finger from my left hand to my puckered hole and rubbed it gently, causing pleasure to race through me. I tried to stifle a moan as I put more pressure on and entered my soapy finger. The sensations were incredible as I pushed it right inside, causing my dick to leak more pre-cum. Doing this made me realize how much I had actually missed being penetrated and wish I still had my dildo (that Laura threw away). 

With my finger still fucking my hole, I entered a second and slowly pushed it in and out. My right hand quickly stroked my cock, which was leaking profusely now. Taking some pre-cum, I licked it off my finger, letting another low moan escape my throat. I love the taste of my own cum, it makes me so much hornier. With my legs now either side of the bath, I led down lower so I could fuck myself harder. I knew that I couldn't hold back this time as much as I wanted to. I was so turned on that I needed to shoot so badly. My right hand grabbed and yanked on my throbbing dick until I couldn't take anymore.

With a groan, I felt my anus clench around my fingers and watched as cum unloaded onto my chest and abdomen, finally dribbling after four or five shots. My orgasm kept rocking through my body as I pulled my fingers out and attempted to sit back up.

"Wow!" I said to myself quietly. I heard a loud knock at the bathroom door. I quickly washed, dried and wrapped a towel around my waist before exiting the bathroom. Darren was stood outside. He had this stupid grin on his face, so I figured he'd heard me. I kept my cool and didn't blush.

"Bathroom's yours, Son." I said, patting him on the shoulder.

He was still grinning. "Enjoy yourself in there, dad?" He asked. I looked back in surprise, but shrugged and gave him a smile then a wink.

"Sure, just like you do." The grin left his face and was replaced with a deep crimson blush. I let out a chuckle. Busted!

**************************

The following week flew by without a word from my admirer. I figured that they had given up bothering me and somehow let it be. I was actually quite disappointed and felt a little rejected in some way. Maybe I had it in my mind that this person, either male or female, could free me out of the loveless marriage and make me happy again.

It was actually on a Monday, a couple of weeks later that I suddenly and unexpectedly heard from my admirer. Going to work, I entered my office to find another gorgeous bunch of flowers and this time a card attached. I sat down and opened it up. The writing was hand written, but I figured it would be the shop lady's writing, rather than the actual admirer.

Daniel. I know this has been troubling you, and I know you have been trying to figure out who I am. One day soon, I hope to tell you to your face. 

All you need to know right now is that I love you. I love you like no other and always will, but all will be revealed soon enough. All my love, your secret admirer xxx

I read it time and time again. I decided to phone my best friend Andy, but he was busy in a meeting. So I phoned Steve, figuring he'd know what to do.

"Hey Dan, how's things?" He asked.

"I'm ok thanks. I've got another bunch of flowers from the admirer and this time a message."

"Oh ok, what does it say?" He asked, curiously.

I told him word for word. "So what do you think, should I take this seriously?" I asked afterwards.

Steve remained quiet. He spoke up. "I'm not sure, but it seems like this person either really loves you or is taking the piss."

"You think it's still a joke?" I asked him.

"What do you think? They're going to a lot of trouble if it is. Just leave it and see what happens. If it's a joke then it's a sick one."

"Yeah I guess so. Thanks anyway, Steve. Hey, you think it's a woman then?"

"Don't know, but not many people know you're Bi, so I'm guessing it is."

"Yeah, probably. Thanks, seeya Friday." I said

"Ok, bye." He said then hung up

I couldn't concentrate all day. Mary found another vase to put the flowers in and I think even she was curious to know who the mystery woman was, since I'd told her. She said she would still listen out for me, to see if anyone said or did anything unusual and I thanked her again, but doubted that anyone would give anything away. 

Later on whilst working out in the gym, I stared over at Brad, and he was looking over at me and we smiled. I walked over to him and we chatted for a few minutes. 

"Looking hot tonight, Daniel." He remarked whilst eyeing me from head to toe.

I smiled. "Yeah? You're not so bad yourself." I commented as I looked him up and down, navy blue shorts which were much too tight, and a tight white t-shirt. He grinned and his blue eyes flashed that flirty and teasing sparkle that I knew so well.

He casually ran a finger down my arm. "How about we both head for the sauna and let off a bit a steam."

I so wanted to do that right then, and he knew I did. When we went out on a 'date', I'd explained about my long and overdue absence with men and he was really determined to make it up in any way possible. I was getting hard just thinking about it and I noticed that he was too.

I think he knew I was waying up my options, but I wondered if it was really sleazy to do it in a sauna. Maybe just once? What if he was my admirer and this was my chance to make something happen? What if he wasn't my admirer and I'd destroy whatever chance I might have with the other person because of this act, no matter how fucking hot it would be and how horny I was right then.

"Well?" Brad asked me, interrupting my thoughts. I looked into his eyes, but I couldn't see anything other than pure lust. If there was any love there surely I would've seen it right at that moment.

"This is just sex isn't it Brad, I mean if you feel anything for me, you would tell me, right?"

He looked curiously at me, probably wondered what I was getting at, then he nodded as if he understood. He whispered to me. "I know about the admirer, Steve already asked me last week. It's not me. All I want to do is see that hot body of yours naked and run my tongue along your sweaty skin."

I groaned. I couldn't help it. I went from semi- hard, to full blown erection in under two seconds flat.

I smiled and agreed to go and have some fun in the sauna. It felt so naughty, but I really couldn't care less what people would think. This gorgeous guy had basically told me he wanted me and I wanted to give him that pleasure. I only hoped that nobody would come in while we were at it, whatever the 'at it' would be.

The sauna was already hot as we sat down, but Brad added more water, which gave it more heat. The sweat was literally starting to drip from us, as he grabbed hold of me and let our bodies slide against each other. A moan escaped my mouth as he lifted my tank top off and chewed on my erect nipples. He grabbed hold of my erection through my shorts, and played with my balls. His lips and hand felt fantastic, but I knew we didn't have time for foreplay, after all, this was just supposed to be quick, fast, hot sex.

I quickly moved my hand towards his crotch and felt the hardness sticking up over the waistband and wondered how he'd managed to do that without me noticing. I pulled him off me and knelt down in front of him. I think he was a little surprised by my actions, but I wasn't. I was so desperate to feel a dick inside my mouth that I would do anything to make it happen. As soon as his shorts were off, I held his dick and stroked the slippery shaft. We both let out soft moans. I leaned over towards the head and sniffed the sweaty masculine aroma coming from his crotch.

"Seventeen years." I said to Brad as I opened my mouth to taste his dick.

Initially, I thought I would struggle to take him. It had been many years since I'd sucked another guy and taken him down my throat, but I guess it's like riding a bike, you never forget.

I remembered about the teeth, I remembered to use my tongue and I even remembered how to relax my throat. I guess it was easier than I thought; Brad seemed to think so anyway. He kept complimenting me, telling me how good of a cocksucker I was. Although pretty insulting, at that moment it was the best thing I'd heard in a long while. 

I used to really enjoy giving blowjobs, even more than receiving them. I didn't even bother about my own leaking erection whilst I was sucking Brad; it was enough pleasure for me making sure he got pleasure.

I moaned against his shaft as my tongue rolled around the length. He was bucking his hips and had his hands on my head, forcing more of him inside my mouth. I gagged a little and he slowed down. I guessed he was getting close as his moaning became louder. I played with his big hairy balls which were hanging slightly off the edge of the bench and I sensed that turned him on even more. 

All of a sudden, he started thrusting faster and I felt his dick swell some in my throat. I knew that this was the moment I'd been waiting for and I was going to swallow as much as I could. With one loud growl, he forced my head right onto his pubic bush and came down my throat. I groaned as I felt it splash inside my mouth when I pulled off a little so I could taste him. Allowing a little to dribble down my chin, I took him out of my mouth and wiped the rest of his juice to taste some more. He watched me as I licked my lips and smiled. His breathing calmed down and he stood me up and grinned.

"Wow! Fuckin amazing, Danny boy. Now your turn." He said.

"Too late." I laughed but couldn't help blush. I'd already cum whilst sucking him. "Sorry." I pulled my shorts down to reveal my soggy almost limp dick. It didn't seem to matter. He licked me clean and told me I tasted good. I nearly got hard again but explained that we'd better finish before someone finds us.

In the showers, I think we were both a little embarrassed and unsure. From being really flirty and teasing with each other, we were now just giving shy looks and hardly flirting at all. We both knew it was only sex, I certainly didn't feel anything for Brad that I thought I maybe should feel. Somehow I figured that nothing would be the same way between us again and I figured that by doing what we did, we had lost that 'spark' we had previously.

Unfortunately I didn't have time to sit and talk with him, but I said we would chat next time at the gym. We smiled as I left, and it was like all the tension went away, for the time being.

**************

I was confused and not feeling myself for a couple of weeks after the 'incident' with Brad. My emotions and thoughts were all over the place. 

For one thing, Brad and I had chatted and agreed that nothing more was to come from that day, that it was just a bit of fun, and we both had a good time. I totally agreed, but there was still some unease between us and I didn't feel things were perfect like before. I never told anyone about it though. I knew my friends would think it was slutty and so unlike me, so I kept it to myself.

Laura had told me that there was a guy from work who she liked and apparently the feeling was mutual. She asked for my thoughts and opinion on the matter. Although we had stopped being husband and wife a long time ago and the kids were fully aware of that fact, I still felt some sort of jealousy or protectiveness. I wasn't sure which one it was. I told her to go for it of course, but I wasn't totally 100% for the idea of Laura dating. Not that I could say anything, as I had my own fling with Brad, plus my secret admirer.

That was another thing bothering me. I hadn't heard from him or her in a while and it was starting to get me down. I was enjoying this little chase they had going, and the whole secrecy thing. But now I figured it was all a stupid prank to get my hopes up. I guess that with Laura finally dating again and not hearing from my admirer got me feeling lonely and unwanted.

*************************

Then it happened. Five weeks after the last contact, I got a note from my secret admirer. It was delivered with a gorgeous bunch of flowers to my office on a Monday morning. I was so excited; I was almost jumping up and down. I quickly ripped open the note and read it.

'Daniel, I'm sorry it has been a long while since my last contact. I have just been trying to pick up the courage to finally come clean. I know you have been frustrated and concerned. It has been terrible to watch you these last few weeks. Anyway, the time has come for me to reveal myself. 

Meet me outside the Farmhouse restaurant at 7.45pm tonight. I have booked a meal there and I hope you will dress for the occasion. Please come All my love, your secret admirer xxx'

"FUCK!" I said out loud. Mary rushed in.

"Are you ok, Daniel?" She asked, coming up to me.

I showed her the note. "My God." She replied. Then "Oops sorry, Daniel. It's just...well..."

"Yeah I know. This is it, Mary. Tonight I find out who my secret admirer is." I said leaning back against my leather chair.

***************

Whilst getting myself ready that night I was a nervous wreck. I must have brought out everything I own onto the bed, in order to try and look my best. Not that I figured I needed to impress him or her by the sounds of it, they already loved me anyway.




Secret Admirer Ch. 02



Laura was actually out on her date that night, but luckily going somewhere different. How awkward would that be?

Darren came into his bedroom to see what I was up to. Now let me explain something. Each of my children had their own bedroom, but when Laura and I started sleeping apart, and I had the fold-up bed in the lounge, Darren and Joe offered to share Joe's room so I could have Darren's. So we bought another bed for me so he could have his own.

I was so grateful and so proud of my boys at that time. I mean, how many kids would actually suggest that they give up their own room and privacy for their dad? I was happy because of the way we brought them up to respect and think about others. I can just see their faces when they told me what they were going to do. 

I was sitting on the couch reading when I could see my boys standing in front of me. I looked up.

"Dad, me and Darren have decided that he's gonna stay in my room and you're gonna have Darren's so you don't have to sleep on the floor in here. We don't care how long it's for and there's gonna be no argument about our decision." I felt the tears building up in my eyes. I was an emotional freak.

I could see them look at each other and shake their heads. I started to protest but they wouldn't give up. They just came and sat down next to me at both sides and gave me a hug. "Dad, please let us do this. You're the best dad ever. Nobody else's dad loves them like you love us and we love you the same." They stood up and I could see they were both nearly crying. "Me and Darren are gonna start moving his stuff now. You can help us if you want." Then they ran off upstairs.

So that's what happened, nearly 5 months beforehand, and now my youngest boy was looking at me and smiling. "Got a date?" I nodded, whilst looking through my clothes, standing in my underwear and black socks. 

"I think that the black pants and blue shirt would be nice, don't you think?" I asked him, whilst holding them up.

He eyed them suspiciously. "Hmmm, I think the black pants with the light blue shirt would be better, it suits you better 'cause of your tanned skin, the darker shirt makes you look pale." I gave him a fake scowl and he laughed. I wore that last week and he never said anything. "I think we need to take you shopping, dad, you're clothes are getting waaaay too old." The scowl comes back. I thought I was pretty trendy, shows what I know then doesn't it?

I eventually decided to trust his judgment and of course, my little boy was correct. I looked waaaay better.

************

My palms were sweating as I drove to the Farmhouse restaurant. I loved it there; the food was delicious but also expensive. We had been to the restaurant on a number of occasions with family and friends for birthdays and anniversaries. The staff were pleasant and some we knew on a first name basis. Peter, the manager was one of my clients. I had arranged the advertising for his business and designed the signs for the building. My admirer obviously either had good taste, or knew that I liked it there.

I parked up and checked myself in the mirror, wiping away the sweat that had gathered there. After opening the window to get some fresh air, I decided to step outside, and calm down my nerves. My watch said 7.35, so I knew I was early. I wondered how my admirer must be feeling right now. Locking my car door, I walked to the main entrance, and waited for him or her to turn up. I checked myself over; making sure nothing was out of place.

After a long while, I checked my watch and noticed that it was 7.50. Time was going by so slowly. Looking again, it was 7.55pm and I was pissed off. I figured that it was a joke all along, that someone was playing with my mind. Inside, I cursed myself and balled up my fists. Never again was this gonna happen to me. Next time I arrange a date, I make sure I speak to the person first.

I was just turning to leave when I felt a hand grab my shoulder. I stopped, and the next second a male voice spoke.

"Where do you think you're going?" I smiled then froze. I recognized that voice, a voice I knew so well. I swallowed hard, not believing my ears. 

I turned around and gasped when my suspicions about the voice was confirmed.

To be continued...

Sorry...not!



Secret Admirer Ch. 03



Hiya to all you lovely people out there. Thanks for all the comments I've received. It cheers me up to know so many of you read my work. 

Onto the story... 

*

I was utterly speechless. I really didn't have a clue what to say at that moment when I turned around. 

"Andy!"

That's all I could manage to say right then. What would you say or do if you found out your secret admirer was your best friend?

He smiled, actually smiled. Me? I was stood there with an open mouth, not knowing what to think. None of us spoke for a few seconds; we just stared at each other. I was glad when he made the first move.

"Dan, I know this must be a shock for you, please come have dinner with me and I will explain everything." Andy said to me.

I just nodded in agreement and followed him inside, he spoke to the receptionist and we followed a waiter to our table at the back of the restaurant. Andy asked the waiter for two glasses of coke before we ordered, to which he complied. We got ourselves comfortable in the chairs as I had a feeling it would be a long and emotional night for the both of us. I looked at him, still not able to saying anything.

"Dan, you ok?" He asked concerned.

I suddenly came out of my trance. "Yeah I'm ok... I think... I mean what?... When?... Why?... How?... Is this a joke?" I asked stuttering my words.

"No, it's no joke. Everything I sent in those notes is true, I love you, Dan, always have. I just never knew it before. The last few months it's occurred to me how much I do love you and how much I want you. I understand that you don't feel the same but I needed to tell you as it's driving me crazy. I just hope our friendship isn't over because of this, as that means more to me than anything." Andy explained, with his head bowed down.

I sat looking at him. His sentences were all flowing at once and I had to let his words digest before I answered. I looked into his deep blue eyes, when he looked back up. Those same eyes that I was drawn to all those years ago sparkled.

I saw the waiter coming over but I stopped him with my hand and shook my head. He was a new guy and I'd never seen him before. Maggie, one of the waitresses we both knew seemed to understand that this was private and held him back. I turned my concentration back to my best friend.

"I don't know what to say Andy. I thought you were straight... I mean you've never hinted that you were attracted to guys since Julie, and never let your feelings for me show." I paused and had to think some more. I took a drink. He just watched me, looked into my eyes and at my lips when I licked them. I could see it, the love, the need. I shrugged it off.

"I just can't believe this. When I came out to you all those years ago, and told you I loved you, you pulled away from me and I was so hurt, so disappointed that you didn't feel the same. It took me a long time to get over that Andy, although I never let it show, couldn't let it show." I sighed. "I was so afraid we'd lose our friendship because of me and how I felt about you. I'm just glad we didn't 'cause you meant the world to me, and still do. I'm just not sure how I feel about this." I shook my head.

We looked at each other. I could see tears forming in his eyes but I knew he was trying not to let them show.

I sighed and spoke up. "Oh Andy, why didn't you say something back then?"

He sighed and took a long drink of his coke. "I didn't know I loved you then... I suppose deep down I knew, but I couldn't be in a gay relationship then... imagine what my parents would've said. You know my dad would've thrown me to the wolves, and my mum was no better. I couldn't do it Dan, but I've regretted it ever since. I'm gay, always have been." He stopped talking for a second and sighed. "Anyway, it would have been no use starting a relationship, we both wanted children, both wanted a family. We couldn't have had that if we'd been together."

I nodded in agreement and smiled. He smiled at me in return. "I've told Julie about me and she said she had it figured out and she's cool with it. Our marriage hasn't been right for a long time; I just didn't like to say anything until now." I opened my eyes in shock and he laughed. "She's in love with another guy and wants to start a relationship with him. I've told her I love you and she's happy if I'm happy." Andy said.

"But why now, why after all these years?" I asked. I was still confused and feeling utterly astounded. I'd never expected my admirer to be Andy. That fact was still digesting inside my brain.

He gave a little shrug. "I guess it's just time to be myself. I know the boys will take it hard at first, but I can't go on any longer living a lie. I need to be in a relationship with a man, need to feel the body of a man next to me day after day, night after night, like we used to do." He answered whilst blushing. "I'm not getting any younger, Dan, and neither are you. You're not happy. We could be happy together."

I saw a tear fall from the corner of his eye. He wiped it with his sleeve and put his head in his hands. I was just pulling his hands away from his face when the waiter came over. I guess they couldn't wait much longer for us to order. He introduced himself as Phil and said he'd be our waiter for the night. We came to our senses and he stood there whilst we chose our meal from the menu and ordered another coke each. He left our table.

Andy started again. He looked into my eyes. I could see the pain he felt. "I'm sorry Dan, sorry for everything. For letting you love me back then, for not loving you back, for all these years we've missed out on and for bringing you here tonight and confessing my love for you. Maybe it was wrong to do this, I shouldn't have said anything."

Staring back at him I spoke. "No, Andy it's ok. I'm glad you did... I hate secrets between us. I just don't know if I can have a relationship with you now. Yes, if I'm honest I think you're gorgeous and the most amazing guy, I always have done. I just never let my feelings for you show since we split." I paused for a second but he didn't reply. "I loved you so much, I couldn't believe it when after all the things we did together and you stopped it just like that." I paused for a second. "But at least I knew we could be together somehow, even as friends and I just accepted that."

I had tears in my eyes by this point. Andy had his head bowed down. The waiter came with our drinks, took one look at us, put the drinks down and hurried off. 

I let out a chuckle. "I guess we scared the poor guy off. I bet he's run into the kitchen to gossip about the two grown men crying into their dinner."

He laughed as well, and wiped his eyes. "I suppose we better get a grip before they bring the tissue box out."

Just then the waiter came with our starters. We said 'thank you' and he smiled. We ate in silence, and I couldn't help but glance up at those blue eyes that had me first hooked 20 odd years before. I noticed that Andy kept stealing glances up at me too. We both blushed and I suddenly felt like a shy schoolgirl on her first date with the most handsome guy in class. I chuckled to myself and carried on eating. We didn't speak much, apart from when commenting on the delicious food and the staff members on duty that evening. When we were silent it wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be, but then again, thinking back, silence was always comfortable between the two of us 

When we were finished, the waiter came back to collect the plates. He smiled again at the both of us. We ordered another drink and he smiled again at us and went off.

"He seems a nice guy."

"Yeah, he's ok. He must be new 'cause I've never seen him before. We'll have to get the latest from Maggie if we have time." I said.

Andy looked over at Phil whilst he was getting our drinks. His eyes wandered up and down his tall frame and I wondered if he did that a lot but for some reason never noticed it before. He turned back to me. 

"He's cute." He commented.

Now I was a little pissed and rather jealous. He came here on a date with me, saying all these things to me, confessing his love, and he tells me that another guy is cute?

"You fancy him?" I asked, worried.

Andy looked at me and grinned. "I said he was cute, not that I wanted to date him. He's nothing compared to you though." He paused and sighed loudly. "I should've listened to my heart instead of my head. I destroyed something that could've been good, something that I wanted."

I put my hand on his, holding tight, and a warm feeling ran right through my body. I'm sure he felt it too as he looked into my eyes. I didn't move it though, it felt good. I looked at him for a few moments.

"Andy, please don't blame yourself, it's my fault as well... maybe I should've tried harder to keep you. But we were young; we hadn't experienced life, other people and relationships. I realised that soon after and when I eventually fell for Laura I thought that maybe it was for the best and we weren't meant to be. You have nothing to be sorry for so don't beat yourself up about it."

I heard a cough and when we looked up, Phil, the waiter stood there with the drinks. Oh God had he been listening? How long for? 

I realised my hand was still on Andy's and I moved it away, blushing. Phil put the drinks down then wandered off. I took a drink and swallowed... hard. Andy acted as though nothing had happened as if it was totally natural. I was worried; a lot of the staff knew us there and could go bragging to other people about this. Phil must have been informed of who we were, so maybe we would be safe after all.

I let it go when Andy carried on speaking. "I guess you're right. I don't regret marrying Julie, it brought us two wonderful children, and two Godchildren for you. But I regret not being honest with myself from the start, not being honest with my parents and you. Even if nothing comes out of this, I know that at least I'm happy within myself."

I smiled at him and rubbed my thumb against the back of his hand, although not remembering when I put it back there. He looked down and I realised what I was doing so I pulled away quickly. He had this frown on his face and I could tell it was out of disappointment.

"I'm glad you're being honest with yourself, Andy. I had a feeling deep down that you weren't happy somehow, I just didn't know what and why. Have you told you're parents?" I asked

"Yeah, mum was ok with it surprisingly. Said she still loved me whatever. As long as I'm happy then she'd support me one hundred percent. I think that because she has the grandchildren she always wanted, she's not really that bothered anymore." He paused. "Dad didn't take it that well, said he still loved me but couldn't understand why his son was gay. I told him I didn't choose to be, but I think he's more worried about his reputation."

I huffed."Yeah, sounds like your dad alright, he'll come round to it soon enough. I think my own parents were glad I chose to go down the straight root rather than the gay one. I wonder whether I chose the right one now."

We stayed silent for a few minutes, but it looked as though Andy was happy I made that comment, as I could see his face light up. 

Phil brought the main course and smiled at both of us and nodded his head. I wondered what he meant by that. I mean its one thing smiling, but it was almost a grin. I decided that maybe I was being paranoid. 

Again we ate in silence and I wondered what or how I should be feeling. This was the guy I'd known nearly all my life, since we could walk, the guy I fell in love with when I was 13, the guy with who I shared my first kiss and lost my virginity to, but the guy who broke my heart when I was 17. But he was my best friend, the guy who knew me better than anyone. I thought I knew him but I was wrong. Yes I loved him, but in what way? Friends? Brothers? Or lovers? I didn't know if I loved him that way anymore. Maybe I still did deep down but brushed those feelings to the back of my mind just like he did. Could those feelings be brought to life again? Did I want them to? Did I want to love and be loved by Andy and become partners in that way? 

I thought about it some more whilst eating. Yes I did want him. But how could I? I couldn't leave Laura just like that. I couldn't leave the children and move in with another man. Not just any man, their 'uncle'! What would I tell them? How do you explain that to three young children?

"Dan?" Andy asked after a few more minutes. I looked up. "What are you thinking?"

I guessed that he could see confusion on my face."I'm thinking about us, about where we go from here. Whether I love you and if it's possible to have a future together." He looked at me and nodded. I carried on. "I'm concerned for the kids, Andy. Not just mine but yours also. How would they take the news that their parents are splitting up? Not to mention that their dad and the person they think of as an uncle are going to be lovers. Have you thought about that?"

Andy didn't say anything. I bowed my head down and finished off my meal in silence. 

Phil came soon after and took his time at our table whilst clearing the plates, then walked off with them and came back soon after with the dessert menu, then left us alone again. Andy spoke up while I was looking at the desserts. I wasn't concentrating on the menu anymore, my mind was otherwise occupied. 

"You know, Dan, the kids will be upset, but they'll come round, they know things aren't going well anyway with our marriages. Sleeping in separate beds for months on end kinda gives it away don't you think? We can tell the rest of the family soon enough, you know our brothers and sisters." 

"I suppose." I said quietly. 

"You know I thought it was just a crush, or just something that all guys do and feel growing up. I didn't think the feelings were real. Now I know they were."

I sat there and wondered something and for some reason, I was worried about the answer. "Have you been with another guy apart from me?"

He looked up from the menu and nodded. I felt this ache in my chest. He patted my hand reassuringly as if he knew what I was going through right that second. "A few. After we broke up, there was nobody else until Julie, well not male anyway. Then a couple of years ago I started going to gay clubs to get it out of my system. It was driving me crazy not being with a guy, so I finally got the courage to make a move."

I nodded my head, but felt hurt by it, that he says he loves me yet sleeps with other guys. As if he could read my mind, he spoke up.

"Dan, I never went all the way with them apart from one guy who I met up with a few times. We fucked four or five times, but he was the only one. You have to understand that the lack of sex in my marriage was so frustrating for me. Anyway, after a while I didn't feel I could keep having sex with guys that I didn't know, so I stopped a few months ago. I went to the doctors, got tested for diseases, got the all clear, then finally admitted to myself that it was you I needed, not some Saturday night fling."

I smiled. "You top or bottom with this guy?" I had to ask.

"Both. But if you recall, it was you that actually preferred to be the submissive one."

I suddenly thought about us being together and how good it was, how good the sex was. I looked up at him from the menu and grinned. He looked at me with a confused expression. I thought back. "Remember our first time fucking?" I paused. "You were such an animal; once you started you couldn't stop. I wondered where you got the energy from. I thought my butt was gonna bleed."

He laughed. "Oh yeah, in your parents bed. We were both fourteen weren't we, and so clumsy, didn't know what we were doing at first. You weren't so gentle yourself if I remember rightly." He chuckled again. "Remember the time when my brother caught us. I thought he would hit the roof but he just laughed at our little dicks. I nearly died of embarrassment. Good job puberty kicked in soon after."

I laughed. "Yeah we improved with age, in more ways than one."

A loud cough suddenly broke my train of thought. Both Andy and I went beetroot when we saw Phil standing there with his pen and pad. I didn't even remember him coming to our table. I had a feeling that he was listening to our conversation.

"Oh sorry... err we were just... err... um... " Andy stuttered.

"It's ok. Don't worry about it, I've heard much worse. Although it's a good job I stepped in when I did, who knows where it would have led to." He let out a giggle. I think I went even redder. "Would you like to order a dessert, gentlemen?" He asked professionally.

I think we both let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't really hungry but thought I'd better order something considering he was standing there waiting. We ordered ice-cream and he smiled then left.

Andy and I both started laughing together at our embarrassing situation. It actually helped to relieve the tension between us and for the first time that night I felt like I could relax and enjoy our time together. 

"So, what about you? Have you been with other guys?" He asked when Phil left us alone again.

I swallowed and wondered if I should mention the 'Brad incident'. But then I realised I needed to be honest with him. I nodded. "After you, there were a few one night stands with guys. For some reason I never met any girls that did it for me apart from Laura. We were faithful as you know." He nodded. "Then a couple of weeks ago I gave a guy a blowjob." I noticed he looked a little pained by my confession.

"Who was it?"

"Brad from the gym." Andy looked away from me. I held his hand tightly. "We were both flirting as usual and we were both horny. I swear to God Andy that's all that happened. I was so excited that I shot off in my pants before he could return the favour."  

Just then Andy burst out laughing. I felt a little embarrassed, but was glad he wasn't pissed at me. "That happened to me as well with the first guy I was with. It had been so long since I'd sucked dick that I got overexcited. I was ashamed at the time but now I think about it, I guess it was funny."

Talking about our not so wonderful escapades when getting back into the gay life seemed to cheer things up a little between us. He told me a little of what he got up to with some guys and I told him what I could remember. 

I know that I was hard as rock sitting there and failed miserably when trying to adjust myself under the table. Luckily, the table cloth reached down to the carpet. I felt Andy's foot brush my leg and I gasped. He grinned and winked at me. I was sure I blushed, but made him suffer just the same, by rubbing my foot against his VERY hard dick. We both let out quiet moans. 

Did I want him? Of course I fuckin did!

We carried on chatting about other things, work, friends, family and gossip, whilst flirting and teasing each other under the table. Phil brought us our desserts and after guzzling that down we both agreed that no more food could be eaten or we'd blow up. 

****

At the end of the night, and a few more bouts of coke induced caffeine later, Andy insisted he pay for the bill. I made sure my crotch was decent before standing up and noticed Andy did the same. I left a small tip for Phil and hoped that our conversation wouldn't be passed around the restaurant. On the way out, Phil patted me on the shoulder. I turned around.

He whispered to me. "I think you two should make a go of it. I'm sure both your families will understand eventually, if not straight away. I can tell he loves you and you still love him no matter what you say or how long you deny it. You also make a fine handsome couple." 

I pulled away and he winked at me. I smiled at him, said 'thank you' and told him I would think about it, then walked out the door. Andy was waiting.




Secret Admirer Ch. 03



We walked towards our cars. "What did that waiter want? Hope he wasn't trying to chat you up." 

"What if he was, would that bother you?" I asked him smiling.

"Well considering I've just spent the past three hours in that place trying to win you back, then yes it does bother me." He replied sounding hurt.

We stopped at my car and I turned him to face me. "Andy, listen to me. I need to think about this. I can't just get up and leave Laura and my kids for you. There are things to consider, other people's feelings, friends, family, colleagues. How do I know that you won't change your mind again and decide that the gay life isn't for you?"

Andy held my hands. "It is for me. It's you I want. You're the only person I've ever wanted and needed. Anyway, forget what other people think, it's our life and our choice. I love you, Daniel, and I want us to be together."

He leaned forward and kissed me. The kiss was soft, gentle and loving. It made my body tingle from inside out and my hairs stand on end. I automatically responded back and his mouth opened, letting his tongue invade my opening mouth. Our tongues touched and we both moaned into the kiss. My arms wrapped around his back and his arms did the same to mine, pulling me in closer, touching and caressing along my spine. The kiss was slow and sensual and at that moment I didn't want it to end. I felt myself becoming aroused at his touch and knew if we carried on much longer there would be a very obvious tent in my trousers.

His hands moved lower towards my butt and I let out another moan. He squeezed it as our tongues danced together. It had been almost 19 years since I'd kissed Andy, but it felt like yesterday. His mouth pulled away from mine and he moved over to my left ear, giving it's lobe a lick. He remembered. 

"Oh fuck!" I cried out as my cock hardened to full mast, now surely noticeable.

He turned me around so my back was up against the car door. I moved my hands towards his front, running them up and down his chest, then towards his crotch which was bulging very nicely, and I gave it a squeeze, letting out a moan from him.

My head flew back as he started to nibble on my ear, the place that has me so damned horny I could shoot just from the touch. His lips moved away and down to my neck and Adam's Apple, then back up to my lips. I devoured him as our kiss deepened. Our crotches meshed together, grinding and thrusting. I was so hard, I could feel a wet patch forming in my underwear, but I couldn't stop, didn't want to stop. I pulled away from the kiss to attack his neck, kissing and chewing, hearing him growl for me. I moaned, listening to him, knowing I was turning him on, making him horny for me.

Pushing him against the car this time, I thrust myself harder into him, feeling the throbbing manhood inside his pants. I wanted him so much, but I was so close. Our breathing was becoming fast and furious as we both tried to get off quickly. 

I yet again found his lips, our tongues dueling against each other. His kisses sent ripples throughout my body, as his hands gripped hold of my butt. 

"I want you." He whispered hungrily into my ear.

I moaned, and he whizzed me around so I was against the car again. He attacked my face, ears and neck, kissing, licking and biting for what seemed like forever. I was so overcome with pleasure, with lust, and with love for this man that the feelings were just too strong for me to hold.

He forced his hardness against mine and that's all it took. With a loud groan that came straight from my toes, I shuddered against him, feeling the dampness grow as I came into my underwear. My orgasm overtook me and the next second, I heard a similar sound come from him and felt him shake as well. We both held onto each other as we finished our orgasms and released the breaths we had been holding onto.

Eventually, we pulled away. We both smiled shyly at each other then slowly laughed. I looked down at my crotch and noticed there was a wet spot on the front. I looked at his and could see the semi-bulge trying to break free and the wet patch forming. I wanted to lick his mess up so bad right then, but knew that would be going too far.

I pulled him away slowly so I could stand up properly. He groaned his disappointment, but smiled. God, that smile. I'd tried not to think about it all these years but now it was starting to drive me wild all over again.

"Feels like we've never been apart." He said still holding onto me, never letting go.

"I know. That was amazing, Andy. I haven't felt like that in years. It just makes me want you more, but we can't carry on until things are sorted. I'm not promising any future with you. That was more than I could ever dream but it may not come to anything more."

He nodded. "I know and it's fine with me, really. I've got things to sort out at home myself. Whatever happens I can't stay married to Julie. We'll both have to talk to the kids this weekend."

"Ok I will talk to mine. Laura and I are just waiting for an excuse so we can divorce, looks like this could be it. I've got to warn you though; if the kids, mine or yours don't or can't accept it then there won't be a future with us."

Andy nodded. "Yes and I agree. This could be the last kiss we get so I'm gonna make the most of it."

He kissed me again and I couldn't help but melt into it. Our tongues found each other and again it was passionate and rough. Surprisingly, my soggy limp cock soon shot back up to full mast again and I could feel his own erection grinding into mine, while our hands roamed up and down our bodies. 

I'd missed him so much and it was then that I realised just how deeply I loved him. His mouth left mine to nibble on my ear again. I was just lost in the moment completely and let myself go.

"Andrew, I love you so much." I moaned.

He gasped and looked at me. I think he was shocked that I'd actually confessed my feelings to him. 

He grinned. "And I love you too, Daniel, more than ever." 

.I gave his lips a quick kiss and broke away.

"Ok, we better go before I get into this too much. I won't see you Friday but we will talk Sunday night after we've spoken to the wives and kids. I will let Steve know of the situation so he won't expect us."

"Ok, fine with me, but I will miss you until then." He confessed.

I laughed but had to agree. We said goodbye and got back into our cars to drive home.

I had a lot to think about from now until the weekend. What do I say to the children? How do I say it? What will their reactions be? What will happen with my family? What will they say at work? Where would I live?

And how was I going to explain the mess in my trousers to Laura?

To be continued... 



Secret Admirer Ch. 04



Sorry this chapter has taken so long, I've just had things happen in my private life and I've also been far too busy. This won't be the last chapter as I said in the beginning. I just wanted this one to be seperate. Enjoy!!

After that night when Andy and I had our date, my mind was in complete turmoil. I couldn't think properly and I was in two minds about what I wanted to do with my future. 

On one hand, I had the option of staying with Laura and continue being unhappy with the way things were but keeping the kids in a stable family home, or I had the option of just packing my bags and leaving with Andy. Unfortunately these options were both unsuitable.

When I did return from my date I wasn't sure what I would say to Laura and my kids. I didn't know if they would be interested or not to find out whom it was. Luckily I managed to tell them it wasn't anything or anyone special and they kinda accepted that excuse.

Andy and I both said that we would speak to our wives and kids that weekend, which came all too soon for my liking, and I still hadn't come to a decision. I hadn't spoke to him since Monday when I found out he was my secret admirer. I was still in complete and utter shock about that. I mean this is the guy I'd known since we were kids, playing in mud and getting our knees scraped at the park. I honestly thought that things weren't that bad between him and Julie, yet all this time he was gay and in love with me. It was still a lot to take in and my head was in pieces, not to mention my heart. 

As I led on my bed Friday night, my mind took on thoughts and feelings that had been locked up deep inside me. One thing that was going through my mind was that if only Andy had said something years ago things might have been different between us; we could've had a fantastic loving relationship. We were both in love make no mistake about that. But then again, we were teenagers and although many high school relationships do last, being gay and in a relationship just wasn't as accepted 20 years ago. I suppose breaking up was the best decision in the long term, but it did tear my heart to pieces and thinking back to that day when he ended it actually brought a tear to my eye. I'd refused to ever think about that day again. I remember not speaking to him for a whole 2 weeks, because I was so devastated. Both our families were bewildered, as it was completely unheard of for us to not speak. It was only after that time I realised that Andy was right and that I'd missed him so much, even just as a friend that I picked up the phone and plucked up the courage to speak to him. Turns out he was just as bad at home but wanted to give me space. From that day we haven't spoke of our physical relationship again and things went back to as ‘normal' as they could be. 

Then I thought about Laura and our relationship. We started dating when I'd just turned 19. I still hadn't completely got over Andy and she was the first woman to really show any genuine interest. I suppose I fell in love with her and after 6 months I proposed. Maybe we just shouldn't have rushed straight into marriage as soon as we did though. We were both 20 years old when we actually wed. Thinking back on it now, was I really ‘in love' with her? I know that my feelings for her now are as loving close friends. Was I was only doing it to try and make Andy jealous? Maybe, maybe not. I know that I was hurt when he got married to Julie 2 years later.

My mind suddenly thought back to more recently when we kissed. Oh it was amazing, so passionate and hot, so new and fresh, yet so comforting, just as though things hadn't changed between us, as though 19 years hadn't happened. I just knew that I could do that forever. I'd never got so hard so fast in my life when we kissed and touched. 

Just then, I wanted him... no, ached for him so badly that he was all I could think about. My cock continued to grow inside my jeans and I couldn't help but give it a tug, allowing myself to moan out loud. Taking my jeans off and putting my hand inside my boxer briefs I fondled myself thinking of that night, his kiss, his touch, his firm chest, tight butt, hard cock and soft lips, all there to please me, and fuck did it please me. The forcefulness and urgency that he had, grinding against my crotch, feeling his way around me again, pressing me up against the car. My underwear came off as I stroked myself nearer to climax. Hearing him groan against my mouth and ear as he literally fucked his cock along with mine. I pinched my nipples with my left hand and rubbed it over my chest, loving my body, as I wanted Andy to do right then. Pre-cum leaked its way from the tip and I used it to lube myself further, taking a lick now and then. 

All through this I remembered Andy, beautiful face, eyes, and lips, so fucking kissable, so hot. His hard cock so needy and wanton. I felt myself closing in on my orgasm and my butt squeeze tight as I thought about when we came together, both shooting off inside our underwear. I suddenly came, shouting out Andy's name as the warm liquid fired out onto my chest and abdomen. Still moaning as the orgasm raked through my body, my nipples erect and my hole twitching, I waited until the orgasm died down. I attempted to get my breath back and smiled to myself. 

Fuck! What that man does to me! 

The more I thought about the feeling it gave me, how I longed for us to be intimate again, I let a small tear fall from my eye. Could it really be possible? I wasn't sure at that point but I knew I could give it a go, after speaking with the family. That thought soon reduced my semi erectness into its original floppy state.

********************

On the Saturday I mentioned to Laura that we needed to talk. I think she knew that something was on my mind as she had asked me about it all week. For some reason my brain became all muddled and it all came out in one long sentence.

"Okay here goes. You know my secret admirer?" She nodded. "Well it was Andy, you know my best friend Andy, well anyway it was him and we went out on that date on Monday and the thing is, is that he told me he loved me and has loved me all these years and I know it might seem strange but the thing is we had a relationship when we were thirteen." Her eyes nearly popped out but that didn't stop me from talking. "Yeah and it lasted ‘till we were seventeen and then we broke up, but anyway that doesn't matter now, so anyway, basically he finally came out and said he was gay and him and Julie are splitting up and says he's madly in love with me and wants to be with me and I've thought about it and feel the same and now think I want to restart our relationship again ‘cause I've realised that I do love him and have always been in love with him." I finally took a breath, and then said. "So what do you think?"

Well what could she say to that? I think she was silent for a good 5 minutes until she spoke again. "Okay, just please go back and start from the beginning."

So that is what I did. It took most of the afternoon to explain things about Andy and I. She already knew I was bi-sexual and admired other men from afar, which I don't think she really had a problem with. I just don't think she realised these feelings could lead to anything more. In fact neither did I, which is why I was surprised my love for Andy came back like it did, as if it we were 17 again. I think she eventually understood, although still obviously a little upset and hurt. I must admit that I was surprised she took it as well as she did.

We knew that the marriage had to end one way or another, we just hadn't expected it to end like this or so soon. We talked and cried, and cried some more, but we both agreed that we should separate and divorce. We had our own lives to lead now. She had started a relationship with another man.

I mentioned that our kids should know very soon and agreed that we'd talk to them the next day when our heads were clear.

The following day, on Sunday, we asked the kids to sit down, as we needed to talk to them. I think that Joe, my eldest boy, clicked first that something serious was about to happen. At 14, he was very mature for his age and acted more like an 18 year old. At first I just blabbered on about Laura and I not getting on that well, and we were having problems and before I knew it, Darren spoke up.

"You're getting a divorce, right?" He asked. Laura and I looked at each other and then I just nodded 'yes'.

"Thought so. It's okay dad, me, Darren and Hannah already talked about it and we agree you should." He explained.

I just stared at him at first, and then Laura spoke up.

"What do you mean, honey?" She asked.

"Oh come on, we're not stupid. We know you don't sleep together and you treat each other as friends more than husband and wife, although you try to in front of us and other people. We were talkin' about it and said if you weren't gonna say something we were."

Again silence. I spoke up. "Well it seems you kids know more than we thought." Joe smiled. "I suppose we just didn't want you missing out on living in a 'normal' family. But no, we aren't very happy and although we get along well and I love your mum, we're not in love with each other. Does that make sense?"

All three kids nodded and I explained that I would be moving out as soon as I find somewhere to live. Then I explained that they could visit whenever they wanted, as I won't be far away. 

They all nodded again in agreement. Then Hannah spoke up.

"What about Uncle Andy, dad, will he be living with you as well?"

I think my face must have turned white, I know Laura's did. We stayed silent and both Darren and Joe nudged Hannah in the arm as if to mean 'shut up'.

"What do you mean, love?" I asked regaining my composure.

"No I won't stop it Joe. You want to know as bad as I do." She said looking at Joe. She then turned to me. "Well the thing is, Joe heard you and mum talking yesterday about the divorce, but we already knew that anyway so it didn't matter." I looked at Joe and he blushed, then his head bowed down as if he was ashamed of spying on our conversation. It didn't matter, as Hannah carried on speaking, obviously not realising that she'd stitched up her brother. 

"So anyway, he heard you say something about loving uncle Andy and him loving you. Is it true dad, do you love uncle Andy like you loved mum?"

I think I nearly fainted at this point. I know that there was another bout of silence. I suddenly felt hot and sweaty and Joe rushed to get me a glass of water. I thanked him and took a long gulp, which helped calm me down. How could I explain that I was in love with another man? No matter how old your kids are, or how mature they are, surely they won't be able to understand something as complicated as that, or even accept it so well.

I felt tears falling down my face and I started to cry. It was so hard for me to tell them and so hard to admit that Andy was the person for me and that I wanted to be with him forever. 

Another woman yes, but another man? What would that do to them, what sort of a reputation would they get at school and around the neighbourhood? They could get bullied and taunted by others and I just couldn't put them through that, no matter what I felt about it. 

Joe came over and sat next to me. He lifted my head up and looked into my eyes. I couldn't believe how my 14-year-old boy, my joy and happiness, my first born, could take this news so easily, as well as Darren and Hannah. They were so young, especially Hannah. She probably didn't realise what all this actually meant for us as a family. He hugged me tight and started crying himself. It only made me feel worse. I pulled him off me.

"I'm sorry son, really I didn't mean for this to happen. I hope you can forgive me one day, all of you. But you know if you don't want me to be with Andy then I won't. I love you guys and you three mean more to me than anything in the world and your happiness is more important, so you have the last word."

Darren came over. "No it's okay, dad."

"But what about your friends at school, you're so young and people are gonna talk. I don't want you to get bullied over this." I said, trying to get them to think about this more clearly.

"Dad." Joe said with a serious tone. I stopped and turned to face him. "I don't care about that. You know I'm the most popular guy in my year. Nobody will say anything and if they do…"

"Hey, now that's enough! There will be no fighting, okay?" I interrupted, looking sharply at all three of them. " If any of you have difficulties at school, you will come straight to one of us. We have talked about this before, whether the problem is against you or against someone else. Fighting is not the answer. Do you hear me?" Of course they all agreed. They had no option not to.

By the time we had finished talking, which actually took most of that day, we came to some sort of arrangement and plan of action.

******************************* 

Later on that evening, I phoned Andy. I was so excited, I felt like I did when I was 14. As soon as I heard his voice on the phone I smiled to myself I was so happy. I couldn't wait to find out what happened at his end, and then we could discuss our future together and hopefully start a new life with the man I loved.

He seemed quiet and subdued but still excited to hear from me. I explained that it had turned out well with Laura and my children, and explained how shocked I was that they took the news so easily. I was just telling him how good it felt to be open about our feelings and how Joe especially seemed happy for both of us, when he started crying. 

I stopped talking and felt my heart start to break. Had he changed his mind? Had something happened? I asked him what was wrong.

" Oh Dan, it's all gone wrong. Julie and I sat both boys down and explained everything, from start to finish. They were upset about the divorce but Matty didn't really understand I don't think, but you know we tried our best to make it easier for him. He doesn't know what being gay means yet, so I told him, and he doesn't see what the problem is. He says he loves you as well." I smiled at that; I loved the little tiger just as much. I encouraged Andy to continue. 

" He's only eight years old Dan, what's it gonna be like when he's older and hears people talking about his dad? Will he hate me for doing this to him? Then there is Jase. He hates me." I gasped, and then Andy burst into tears again. All I wanted to do was be with him, hold him in my arms and never let go, try to ease his pain. "He hates me for the divorce, and hates me for being gay. He said it's all my fault and now he wont speak to me. I've tried babe, really I have, but it doesn't seem to matter. I've heard him in his room crying and my heart is breaking ‘cause I've done that to him. How do I solve this Dan? What can I do to get my son back?"

I felt the tears falling down my face and wiped them away. "Oh babe, I don't know. Just keep trying though; I'm sure he will come around. It's a big shock that's all. I guess he, like everyone else, thought everything was good with you and Julie. I really don't think you being gay is the problem at all, I think it's the divorce, the separation and the fact that you wont be a ‘family' anymore. Maybe it's that he may have to choose who to live with. It could be all sorts of things. Let me have a word with Joe and Darren. They will talk some sense into him."

After that emotional discussion with Andy which lasted another hour or so, we agreed that nothing could possibly begin with our relationship until all children were okay with the idea. I was concerned about Jason. He and Hannah were the same age, though Jason would be 12 years old the following week. Then I thought that maybe that was the problem. His parents talking of splitting up the week before his birthday. I felt a little more relieved and discussed it with Laura, who agreed that maybe our boys should speak to him about it.

After I had spoke to my boys later that evening, they asked if they could stop over at Andy's house for a sleepover. Andy only lived about 6 houses down from us and at any one time we could have just one or all 5 of them charging in and out of our homes. We didn't mind at all and friends also came and went as they pleased. As they had no school the next day, or the next week, so we agreed to let them go. I knew what they were trying to do and I felt so proud of them for helping. 

Apparently, after talking most of the night with Jason, Joe and Darren came home the next morning with smiles on their faces and said that all was better with the world. They wouldn't actually tell me what was said during the sleepover and I don't think it will ever be known, except between themselves, but I was so glad things were okay. Thinking about it though, I guess we were lucky anyway that there weren't more problems between both families. I knew of a guy at work who told his family he was gay, and his kids had disowned him. I would be completely devastated if that happened to me. 

Andy and Jason made up (with a lot of crying and hugs, as I'm led to believe), and then it was time to make plans for Andy and I to start a fresh, new and wonderful life.

************************

I spent some time with Andy on Tuesday night. We took a long walk together out in the country, just holding hands and kissing every so often. It honestly felt as though I was 14 again, just when we really started getting serious. We talked and laughed, chased each other through the trees. I felt so alive, so free. It was the best night that I'd had in years. 

At one point, he pulled me down on the rough ground and led on top of me. I suddenly felt breathless and aroused. It wasn't long before we made out like 14 years olds again. We didn't get naked or even almost naked. We both unconciously knew that we would make love in private, where everything was wonderful and special, not in some woods outside. 

But still, it was magical just being with him like that. I went to bed that night contented and happy with the world.

****************

The house was almost empty as Laura had gone shopping with Darren and Hannah, and I was sitting comfortably, reading the newspaper on the couch the next day, when Joe came and sat next to me, with his hands fidgeting uncomfortably between his legs. He was nervous. I smiled to myself and heard him cough. I put the paper down and looked at him.

"Something on your mind?" I asked him. He shook his head, so I picked the paper back up and started reading again, not really concentrating on the words. I could see Joe still in the same predicament, but wanted him to speak first.

"Huh, umm, Dad?" I again put the paper down and turned to him, encouraging him to go ahead. 

"Well, um, what it is I was wondering about, you see, um, geez this is embarrassing, but I was kinda wanting to know how you have sex." He then blushed really bad.

I suddenly raised my eyebrows. I had the ‘talk' with him when he was 11, so surely he hadn't forgot so soon. I told him this as a reply.

"No, dad, I mean, um, I mean how you and Uncle Andy do it." Again, my eyebrows raised and I think even I blushed a little with that comment. 

I wondered why he wanted to know. Then I suddenly had a thought and I braced myself for the question I was about to ask. I took a deep breath. 

"That's a little personal, Joe and I personally don't want to discuss my sex life with you. That is private between two people who care about each other." I paused for a second to gather my thoughts. I looked at him and spoke softly, not wanting him to be afraid. "Is there another reason why you want to know that, why you want to know how gay sex works, how two men can be intimate together?"

His face turned scarlet red and he forced his head down between his legs. At first I saw his shoulders start to shake, then I heard the little sniffles and then he rubbed his eyes with his right hand. 




Secret Admirer Ch. 04



I braced myself and pulled him onto my lap, leaning back against the couch. He wrapped his arms around my neck and sobbed into my chest. I rubbed my hand over his back, hoping to soothe him, pulling him into me. I didn't want him to be afraid of me. I could feel my shirt getting wet from his tears but I didn't care. What is a shirt when you have your baby crying and in so much confusing teenage hormone pain.

I lifted his head off my chest and wiped the tears from his face as he looked at me. His eyes were red, but he was still beautiful, still my little boy who I cherished with every fibre of my being, as I did with all my kids. He knew that, they all did. 

"Feel better now?" I asked. He nodded his head and smiled. 

He took a deep breath and looked right into my eyes. "I'm gay." 

I smiled. "It feels good to let it out doesn't it? It's okay. You know I don't love you any less. How could I? I'd only be insulting myself. So, there must be a reason for this admission. Tell me all about him." I asked. 

He looked shocked at first, then smiled and talked about this wonderful and gorgeous boy named ‘Lucas Jones'.

After listening to Joe talk about Lucas Jones for the next half an hour or so, we then talked about gay sex. The bad bits, the good bits and the very good bits. It was an interesting afternoon. I admitted to him about losing my virginity at 14 and I guess he was shocked about that, but said that I wouldn't want him to rush into it so quickly, especially with someone who he didn't care about.

I actually think that from that day, Joe and I became even closer and he confided in me about boys that he liked whenever a new one came along.

To be continued......