30 comments/ 30656 views/ 85 favorites Despair & Desire Ch. 01 By: TahoeCat Miranda Cook looked around her sparse apartment. There was nothing giving her any joy. The things that once sustained her, no longer did. It was lowering to see that all she had to show in her life; all that she had were lifeless, useless things that did nothing but take up space and collect dust. With her decision made she wrote out her note and carefully placed it on the counter next to her bathroom sink. Then she turned on the water and got it as hot as she could stand. She turned to her mirror and undressed. She examined her body for the last time. She was not a super model shape, if anything she was exactly the opposite. All she saw was her tits hanging down, her fat legs, her ass that seemed to her to be falling and flat. Her long sable hair to her was lifeless and a pain to deal with. Her skin wasn't even a creamy white or a delicate tan like she wished it was, instead she was just a plain old white woman with no imagination on how to get it to be anything like those scenarios. Her feelings about herself spiraled downward over the last few months; making her bitchy and moody one minute, and a weepy crying fool another. She believed she hid it from her co-workers fairly well. She laughed at their jokes; answered when they asked her questions, or responded when she was needed for anything on the job. Rationally she knew she was in a depression, but she didn't know what to do about it. How could she willing go into one of those offices, sit on a couch, and spill out her feelings to someone who got paid to write her off as another crazy woman who just wasn't getting any at night. She had no friends, no family; no one would care if she was gone anyway. Just another number in a file they probably put somewhere and didn't care anymore. The water had filled the tub as far as she needed it, so she turned off the taps. She turned back to the sink and picked up the knife that she had set there a few minutes earlier. She placed it onto the edge of the tub as she slipped into the water. As she settled back she found it odd that she was so relaxed at this moment. She thought she should at least be nervous, but she wasn't. She let her arms stay under the water, soaking her skin, knowing it would only help what she needed to do. After a while, possibly twenty minutes she reached for the knife. She thought it was interesting that she had chosen such a simple knife. It was one from her kitchen set. Not the big blade that is typical of some who have not thought through to what they were doing, but the smaller more deadly of the set. The bread knife had the needed serration to do the job right. She had taken the only drug she was willing to take, the bottle of ibuprofen still sat by the sink, downing at least ten pills before starting this. Feeling no pain, even that of the hot water that should have been stinging her skin, she raised the knife to her wrist. In a quick moved she sliced through her skin twice across the vein. Then repeated it on her other wrist. She put the knife on the floor by the tub then let herself slide down under the water further. Right away she could feel herself draining away, her head becoming lighter. She closed her eyes and settled back. Belatedly she heard the music still on in the living room and laughed as she had forgotten to turn it down and that the neighbor would be mad, and call the supper again. She didn't care. The darkness came first, then she wasn't feeling anything and she knew it was happening. She said goodbye to no one and to everyone and let it take her. The tub water changing to a bright red as her blood mixed with it.  Leland Fairgate was walking in for his shift as the night trauma nurse's assistant. He was in school to finish getting his license as a full nurse. As he walked onto the main e. r. floor a woman was being brought in on a gurney. Her hair wet, her arms bandaged and an air bag being pumped over her face. As the e.m.t.'s past him with her he caught her scent and nearly fell to his knees. He dropped is clipboard and rushed after them. As he moved into the e. r. he watched as they were unwrapping her arms and the obvious suicide attempt. Without a thought he stepped up to her and began to do his job and helped the nurse on duty with her injuries. Her scent rising to him nearly distracted him, but he pushed through it and continued to help. He repeatedly would look up to her face; he wanted to know every plain; every angle that was uniquely her. He wondered what it was that pushed her to do this to herself, what would bring someone down so far that she felt the only way to stop it was to try and end her life? She was his and he would find out everything he needed to know. When they had finished the nurse shooed him away and pulled down her gown to see if there were more wounds to attend to. She heard a low growl from behind her and she turned. But she saw that the new assistant was already leaving the room. Forgetting the strange noise she went back to examining her patient. Leland moved to the window in the door and watched. He almost lost his control when the nurse went to expose the woman's body. But his human mind knew she was just doing her job. He turned and headed to where the e.m.t.'s where chatting. He caught their eye as he stepped up to them. "What happened?" he asked. "Her building super found her after a complaint from a neighbor over her music playing too loud," one answered. "She left a note," the other said. "The police took it with them." "Did you get a look at it?" Leland asked. "Only a quick one," the first one said, "She was saying something like she was too alone, or that was what I caught of it before they bagged it up and took it." Leland glanced back at the e. r. and he felt his chest heaving, his heart pounding. He only found her now because he was too distracted by his ambitions to have found her sooner. He knew from the ancient lore that a mate could be driven to such acts when their life has never been fulfilled by finding their mate and completing that part of themselves. He heard the e.m.t.'s leave; but didn't bother to look at them. He moved back to the window in the door and the nurse had already covered the woman back up. He turned to find any information on her that he could. His first thought was to get her name.  Miranda slowly understood as she awoke that she wasn't dead. She opened her eyes and saw what she already knew, she was in a hospital, could she do nothing right? She looked down at her arms and saw the bandages. What was she going to do now? She could take the stitches out while there was no one here. Maybe it would finish the job before someone did walk in. "I wouldn't do that," a deep male voice said from the doorway. Miranda turned her head quickly to see a dark haired man standing in the doorway, wearing a medical uniform. How'd he know what she was thinking? "It wasn't hard to see what you are thinking Miranda," he said and stepped into the room. She watched him closely as he brought over a chair and pulled it up next to her bed and sat. His eyes bore into hers, and she squirmed as his caramel eyes held hers. "Who are you?" "I'm Leland. I was here when they brought you in. I'm a nursing assistant and helped with your injuries." "Why are you here now?" "I wanted to get some answers," he said and leaned in closer. His voice gentled, "I wanted to know what would make you go to those extremes." "What do you care? You did your job, now go away." She turned in the bed so that she was facing the window. "I can't do that Miranda," Leland answered. "What," she asked as she turned back, "Are you in training for psychology or something?" Leland smiled a little at her tone. She did snide comments very well, "No, but there is more to me than you see." "What do you want?" Miranda asked tiredly. She can't even get someone to leave her alone. There really was nothing she could do right. It proved her life was useless, that she was useless. A low dangerous sound came from Leland's throat, "Don't think that." "What?" she asked. "Tell me why you thought that suicide was your only answer." "That's none of your business." "I'm sorry but it is." "Why? I'm no one to you. Just please, leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you." She closed her eyes and turned away again, hoping that he would finally take the hint. Leland sat a few moments longer just watching her. Slowly he stood and moved to her. Gently he put a hand to her hair and smoothed it back from her face. Miranda's eyes popped open and she looked up at him. What was this? She should be feeling invaded by his move but it calmed her instead. She should be angry that he would assume that he had permission to touch her, but she wasn't. What she did do was turn so that his palm slid to her cheek. Then she turned more into his touch and caught the scent on his skin. "Do you think you can sleep?" he was asking. She looked up and saw he was standing very rigid, but still he was gentle. "Yes." "I'll be back later to check on you," Leland said as he continued to gently run his fingers down her cheek. "Promise me you won't do anything to hurt yourself." She was caught in his eyes, his touch. "I promise." Leland smiled and leaned down to brush a light kiss over her forehead. "I am coming back Miranda, just as soon as I can." He moved away and slipped out the door. Miranda stared at the door as he left. What was that, she wondered. And why would she promise anything to him?  Leland hurried to his locker and checked out for the night. He needed to get to his alpha and fast. He was sending out his thoughts as fast as he could think them to any betas he sensed around the hospital, practically begging they watch over her. When he heard their ascending responses he ran out the door and down the alley. As soon as he reached the woods on the edge of the hospital property he changed to his wolf. Both of them needed the run to abate the anger and frustration that had built in them. She was so lonely, he thought. He should have been spending time on looking for her. He never should have taken up this idea of being a nurse. His job would have been the same in the pack, regardless if his schooling would have benefited them all. His mate had been in need and he never knew it, he never looked for her. A giant silver wolf jumped into his path and Leland stopped and quickly bowed. The silver wolf changed revealing an older broad man with wide shoulders, his hair turning white around edges of his strong face, his tanned face looking down at Leland in sympathy. Alpha Draven was a strong leader. "You may change Leland," he said to the smaller tan wolf. Leland changed but still in the kneeling position. "My alpha," he said with pain. His emotions tore at him. "I know Leland. I have heard all the betas have been saying. How is she doing?" Draven asked. Leland looked up at his alpha, he heart in his eyes, "I fear for her my alpha. She has promised not to hurt herself, but I'm not sure she will keep it. There is such grief, and hopelessness in her mind. She calmed a bit when we touched, but I don't know if my being there will help her." "Rise Leland," Draven said. When he did and he looked into the alphas eyes he added, "She needs us, she needs you. When she is well enough bring her to us. We have people that can help her. You can only do what you can as her mate. She may resist you," he warned. "But instinct will win out against that. Her reactions to you in the hospital may very well prove that she is not as far gone as you may believe." That gave Leland the hope he was looking for, which was why he sought out his alpha. "What can I do for her? Just being there doesn't seem to be enough." "She needs to see that she is needed, wanted, and loved in this world. That she always has been and that we were just waiting for her to find us." "I should have been looking for her," Leland said in anguish. "I spent too much time looking for a career, too much time in the libraries." "Leland you were following your path. You know your abilities lean toward healing. It's your time to be more than just another beta. When you finish your schooling you will be more than what you have been. If you stop now, like you are thinking, you will do yourself a disservice and her." "She's human," Leland said quickly. "Yes I know." "What can I say that she won't go screaming from the room?" "Be truthful, but wait until she is stronger. The knowledge that we exist may be a bit much right now." A sleek black wolf stepped into the clearing with them. Leland again went down on his knee. "Madam Alpha." The black wolf changed; now there was a tall black woman standing with the alpha. Alpha bitch Junice was just as spectacular as Alpha Draven, which was why they were so greatly matched. "Leland," she said and had him rise. "Forgive me for eavesdropping." "No madam alpha," Leland said shaking his head. "No forgiveness is needed." "Oh nonsense," she said, "It was rude. But I can't be too sorry for it. I wanted to ask you for a favor, and it will be no small feat for you." "Anything madam alpha," Leland said. "When you bring her to us you must ask her to become one of us." Leland knew what that entailed. But he was uncertain in her current state of mind if she would even entertain the idea. When he looked up to say as much she raised her hand. "Leland, from what information you acquired she has no family and maintains no friends. She is alone in their world. Here she will have family, she will have friends. And if Luna blesses you, she will start a family with you." Leland saw what Madam Alpha was saying. All he had to do was show Miranda that she would go from having nothing to having everything. And that he was the one to give it to her.  Miranda finished her breakfast that was more than just good. It amazed her of the quality of the food she had. She guessed all the wives tales about hospital food was just that; a tale. She pushed the tray away from her and settled back. Her nursing assistant would be back to pick it up soon and she was hoping to be asleep by the time she did. She thought about Leland again for the hundredth time since he left. It still confused her that she would promise not to hurt herself to him. But something had happened when he touched her. A sense of calm and serenity had come over her and she was certain that he was supposed to be there with her. But that didn't explain that his scent had her turned on. It had been so long since anyone had even looked at her, let alone drew her to them in an instant. Before the depression had hit her; and hit her hard it did; she hid her size away with style and cuts of clothing that made her look good from a distance. But once a man had shown interest and he saw that she was fat he would make excuses and just not return calls. She was tired of being ignored or dismissed, or considered as having no control. The truth was she barely ate every day. At best she would have a protein bar and coffee, or maybe a roll or bagel in the mornings. She typically skipped lunch due to her schedule; and ate very little for dinner. Her choices for that were not exactly the best but it would be only enough to make the hunger pains go away so she could sleep. "That's a very bad practice you know," Leland said from the doorway. Miranda turned her attention from the window that she had been staring out of as she was thinking to his now regularly clothed form leaning on the doorway. It irritated her that again he knew what she was thinking, and she wasn't buying his reading her face this time. Leland chuckled at the expression on her face. She looked about ready to beat him for startling her again. No it wasn't hard for him to read her thoughts, but she was more than just his mate. He sensed a power in her that she wasn't even aware of. "Are you going to sit or do I have to keep looking up at you?' Miranda said in a huff. Leland straightened and took the chair that had remained by her bed. He watched as she followed his movements and sat. "Is this better?" he asked. "Yes," she said as she tried to understand him. She realized she had been waiting for him to come back as he said he would. She wondered if he was as kind as he seemed on first notice. "Why not ask me what you are thinking?" Leland asked as he leaned back in a relaxed pose. "How do you do that?" she asked as she shifted to see him better. "Do what?" She gave him a look of total annoyance at his comment. Her brow had raised and she just stared for moment. "Alright," he said and leaned forward. "For now all I can say is; yes you are easy to read, but I have a special talent that lets me know more." "Hmm," she said and absently rubbed the bandages on her wrist as she considered this. "So you can read minds?" "Well not all minds," he said. It was the best he could say without revealing everything about him and the pack too soon. "Why are you so honest about something like that? If it were me I wouldn't tell anyone," she said as she rubbed the bandage again. He noticed her hands moving and waited. He could see that she wasn't comfortable here in the bed, or in the hospital, and on a small scale with him. "Are you ready to talk with me about what happened?" he asked to change the subject off of him. Miranda shifted away and turned her attention back out the window. "No." "Why?" How do you talk about something like what she was feeling? How could anyone understand what it was like to look in the mirror and hate everything you saw? When she heard a low growl come from Leland she turned back. That was the second time she heard that sound from him. "What?" she asked him. "I don't like the way your thoughts are going," he answered honestly. "There's nothing wrong with the way you look. You're a beautiful woman." Miranda shook her head. How sad was she that he would lie to try to make her feel better? As soon as she finished the thought Leland was up and had her face in his hands. He was so close she could smell the aftershave that lingered on his skin. His eyes, a solid caramel that had a ring of green around the edges looked angry and fierce. The tan that tinged his skin only made his eyes more intense. "Understand me," he said and she could practically taste his mint toothpaste on his breath. "I don't lie, in thought or action or deed. When I say you are beautiful I mean it. When I say there is nothing wrong with you, I mean that as well." Miranda's chest had contracted at his statements. In too many years she had not ever heard anyone say anything to her like that or with such passion. Where he touched her was tingling with awareness. But still she couldn't believe him fully. Such things were fantasies in her life. "You can't understand me Leland," she said as she lifted her hands to his. That action caused a riot of sensations to run over her. She desperately wanted him to lean down and kiss her. It was so strong she could already feel his lips crushing down over hers. Leland saw and felt what she did. He wanted it just as she was imagining; taking her mouth in the way he wanted. To possess her passions in the way he knew would give them both the ultimate pleasure. "You haven't been shown how much you have to tempt a man. You can bring a man to his knees with just a look, and they would be putty in your hands. Personally I hope you use it on me." She had to break the connection that they had from touching each other. If she didn't she would believe anything that he said. She forced her hands to drop, hoping he would do the same before she lost herself again. "Again," Leland said as he reluctantly let her go. Despair & Desire Ch. 01 "Stop that!" she said and leaned back against the pillows. "If I want to share something with you I will. What I'm thinking belongs to me until I give it." "I'm sorry," Leland said and sat down again. "But I'm trying to understand what led up to this. In a way it's easier for me to just read you. That's rude and pushy of me so I won't do it again without your permission." "Thank you," she said and studied him. His hair was a dark tan, a little long at the back and sides. It was the type of hair that beckoned a woman's hands to run through it. His chest and forearms told her that he worked out and had bulked a bit with weights. He was tall; she knew that from when he was standing in the doorway, he only had a few inches before his head would touch the top of the door frame. As her eyes traveled him she saw that his breathing had picked up a bit. She lingered over his hands. What harm would it do to imagine him using those hands on her, to feel someone touch her for once in passion and not pity? "Miranda," he said drawing her eyes back up to his face. "You need to stop with those kinds of thoughts. I can stop with most everything, but I can't stop ones of intensity. Especially ones that are going the lines that yours are now." "I'm sorry," she said as she turned away in shame. She had forgotten he said he could read her. In the moment of looking at him he was a magnet for those kinds of thoughts. Of course he wouldn't think of her that way. It was probably an insult to him to have someone like her leering at him. "Miranda," he whispered close to her ear. She turned back to him and saw he had come closer to her. She hadn't even heard him move this time. "You don't know what turns me on. So I'm telling you that you do. I stopped your thoughts because if they had continued I'd be fired in the next ten minutes for doing exactly what you were thinking of." She saw the truth of it in his eyes, heard it in his voice. Restrained passion was pumping off of him. "Why?" she asked him. He moved his hands to her hair, tangling his fingers in its dense beauty. "You are the most beautiful, sexy woman I have ever met. If you were in a restaurant, bar, or even the mall, I would go out of my way to get to be with you." "I..." she didn't know what she could say to that. He leaned in and brushed a gentle kiss across her cheek. Pleased that she didn't pull away he did it again on her other cheek. When her breath caught and her heart beat picked up he couldn't resist traveling to her lips. He took advantage of her shocked gasp and kissed her deep and fast. Oh sweet Jesus, was all she could think clearly. His hands tensed in her hair, but it was a pleasant ache. His taste was a quick addiction. The feeling of his mouth crushed to hers sent her senses reeling. She reached up and gripped his shoulders. She was losing ground with him. He would own her if she didn't stop him. She pulled away gasping as he stared down at her swollen lips. Again she couldn't understand him. Why would he be like this with her? Leland forced himself to relax enough to sit again. If she hadn't broken the kiss when she did he would have done more than just kiss her. His groin was aching to be inside her. He wanted to tease and taste every inch of her. But if he had done what he was desperate to do, then he really would be fired. "How do you get me to feel this way?" she asked as she looked up at him. "I want you," he said as he moved back. If he stayed this close to her he wouldn't be able to resist her. "So it comes out when I touch you." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. The truth would scare her away from him. And he didn't want that. Melinda wasn't sure she believed it. But she couldn't deny the fact that she felt an incredible pull towards him. "Have you thought about talking to me Miranda?" he said as he sat down carefully. His erection was painful in his slacks. Reality crashed down on her. "Why should it matter now?" she asked as she turned her head in shame. "Everything about you matters to me," he said as he reached out and picked up her hand. When she didn't pull away he took it as a good sign. "You don't know me," she whispered. "I'm so stupid and fat. How could you even stand to look at me?" The pain she felt twisted in his gut, and had him growling again, "You are not stupid. You are everything I want." "No I'm not. I can never do anything right, I fail at everything I do. Even this," she said and held her arm up to look disgustedly at it. "I can't even kill myself without screwing it up." Tears began to roll down her cheeks, silently telling her internal turmoil. "Miranda," he warned as he felt his wolf running in his head. He understood his frustration at having nothing to fight against, no one to defend her from other than herself. The more she berated herself the more agitated he became and tried to come forward. It took all Leland's will to get his wolf to understand what depression was. When she turned she saw his eyes swirling with anger. She turned fully and watched as they changed to an amber then back to his normal caramel. She had been so distracted with her thoughts that she had not notice his agitation until now. Was he really angry over her? "Why are you angry?" she asked as she watched him carefully. Leland shook his head, trying to shake his wolf back in line. There were too many sensations running through him, fear, anger, hurt, helplessness all warred inside them and his wolf wanted out to prove to his mate that she was more than she thought. That she belonged somewhere; belonged to him just as he belonged to her. "I can't explain it properly. But I know that you are so much more than you think. You do have someone who cares and wants nothing but your happiness." "Oh really," she said in a snide huff, "You couldn't prove that to me. If I was cared for like you say then where the hell has this person been? There isn't any way that if they were here and cared then why not let me know they were there?" Her anger spiking as each word passed her lips. Just the thought of someone having been there and not shown her they were there told her they were a coward. Leland's wolf responded to her anger, he felt the need to make her submit, but he pushed it back. He wasn't handling this well and he didn't want to fight with her. "I'm sorry," he said and came closer to her. He could feel waved after waved of hurt and anger pouring off her. He had to calm her down; if he didn't then he wouldn't be able to stop his wolf from responding. "That's not what I meant," he said gently. "I said I couldn't explain it and it's true. It has nothing to do with what the words are, but more with that I can't use them properly. When I said that you do have someone who cares I meant me." With that said he moved to her bed and sat on the edge. "That's impossible," she said as she stared at him. "You just met me, and worse I'm a nut case." "No you're not," he said and touched her hand. He lifted it to his lips and lightly kissed her bandages, "This is nothing but an emotional outburst. You are a strong and wonderful woman. There can be no one who would be more interesting and attractive to me." He moved her hand so he could kiss her palm. Miranda sucked in a hiss of breath at the contact. He was so gorgeous, centered, and ready for life. She was swimming in his scent as he stayed close to her. How could she explain to herself how one second she was ready to fight and the next she was turned on to the point of dragging him down to her; needing him more than she needed air. "How does that keep happening?" she asked. There had to be a logical reason for the way he attracted her. Was it as simple as biology, or was there something more? He knew what she was asking, and he didn't insult her by pretending not to. "I will tell you everything I can when you are stronger," he told her. At the look in her eyes that said she would start to argue he added, "Not until you are stronger." Her eyes flashed for a second, making him think she was still going to push, but then her lower lip poked out in a small pout and he nearly lost it. He wanted so bad to take that lip and bite it, but those urges led to ones that would get him in to trouble with his superiors here. "You're cute when you pout," he told her and teased her lips with his finger. She straightened, and nipped his finger with her teeth, "I don't pout." Lust filled his groin at her bite. Good god he never wanted anyone the way he wanted her. Unable to resist the pull of her any more he leaned down and captured her lips in a bruising kiss. His hands fisted in her hair to draw her closer. The tug in her hair made Miranda's blood soar through her veins. She'd been kissed before but no one before this had ever lost control as Leland was. His need for her was on his tongue as he tasted her, his lust evident in his hands as they yanked her head back further to get a better angle and kiss her deeper. Her hands went to his shoulders and she pulled him in tighter to her. "Ahem," someone coughed from the doorway. They jolted apart like guilty teenagers and stared at the nurse that had walked in. Leland knew her as one of the pack omegas and saw the smirk that spread across her face. He glared at her and growled low as she approached. When she straightened and the look disappeared he eased back into the chair. 'So you found your mate,' she said to Leland's mind as she walked into the room. She was just coming on shift and had dismissed the musings of the other omegas as just chatter, at least until she had walked into the room and saw Leland on the edge of taking her. 'That's right Myra,' he said in a huff, 'I expect the best of care for her.' 'As if I would do any less,' she said and huffed back at him. Leland was instantly contrite. 'Sorry, it's just...' 'I know,' she said gently, 'I'll take care of her Leland. I swear it.' "Hello there," Myra said as she stepped up to the bed, "My name is Myra. I'm your nurse for the day shift. Are you feeling any pain today?" If you considered the ache in her womanhood pain, then yeah she was in a heap of pain. "Not really." What she really wanted was to feel Leland again, pressed tight to her, filling her, making everything else she felt go away. Leland heard her thoughts loud and clear, his cock stretched painfully in his jeans and he shifted to try and release the pressure. 'I want that too baby,' he thought and tried to get comfortable. He knew she couldn't pick up his thoughts but the second he thought it she looked over to him and her eyes darkened as though she had. He was a little shocked as she smiled at him. Had she heard him? "Well then we'll make you a bit more comfortable with some fresh food at lunch and some new linen. Is there anything special you would like, a book, magazines?" Her interest was piqued, "What kind of books?" "Whatever kind you like," Myra said. 'The Kama Sutra is a good book,' Leland thought to Myra. He shrunk back a bit at her quick and pointed look at him. In the pack he was her superior, but here she was his. It made for a confusing relationship for them at its conflictions, but they swore to each other that they would keep them separate. 'Will you please try to keep those thoughts to yourself,' she told him. 'Sorry Myra,' he answered. Myra smiled at Miranda, waiting for her answer. Miranda was unsure of what she saw passing through the two of them. "Something with some action in it, maybe a thriller," she said and saw the smile spread on Leland's face. "What?" "Nothing," he said innocently. "I just like your choice." "Hmm," she said and leaned back. She was feeling a bit tired now. Her eyes began to drift down. She fought it and snapped them back open. "Why am I so tired right now?" she asked Myra. "It's your pain medication," Myra explained. "It'll do that to you until you don't need it anymore." She moved to pull the sheet and blanket up a little more and tucked her in like she was one of her cubs. "Let it work. You should feel better tomorrow," she said. She straightened and looked at Leland. "I suppose that there's no use telling you that you should leave," she said matter-of-fact. "Nope," he answered and smiled. "Let her rest," Myra said and left the room. "Why do I get a feeling that you two are more then what I see?" Melinda asked. "Well," Leland said and leaned forward, "She's technically my supervisor when I'm on duty, but outside the hospital she's my friend," he answered as best he could. He didn't say that in the pack he was her boss. Miranda frowned; somehow she knew that his answer wasn't everything. That he was keeping something from her, but why he did she didn't know. As her eyes began to drift down again he stood and leaned over her. "Sleep Miranda," he said and brushed a quiet kiss over her brow and temple. Despair & Desire Ch. 02 Leland watched as Miranda's eyes drifted closed one more time and stayed closed. She sighed in her sleep and turned so that she was facing Leland. He returned to his seat and watched her through the long morning. She would scratch at her bandages from time to time but then settle again. He quietly watched and waited for any signs that she would need him to wake her but she stayed content. Four hours later Leland woke her for her lunch and Myra came back in to check her vitals and to secure her bandages. "Try not to scratch at these Miranda," she said as she put fresh tape on them. "Sorry," Miranda said meekly, "I didn't know that I was." "Ah, pesky sleep scratching," Myra chuckled understanding her. When Myra left again Miranda turned to Leland "Why are you still here?" "I don't need to be anywhere else," he said and leaned forward, "I need to be here." With that said he tapped her table, "Eat honey. You need your strength." Miranda reached for her fork and pulled the table a little closer. It felt strange to be eating in front of him without him having something. So she cut off half her ham sandwich and offered it to him. Understanding her he took it, "Thank you." Miranda ate quietly watching him, as he watched her eat. She wasn't completely sure as to why she was so at ease with him. Ever since she first woke up here it was like he belonged here. But of course he worked here and that could be the reason. But it didn't explain why, when he bit into the sandwich, that she felt a sense of pride that he was liking what she gave him. "Don't think so hard Miranda," Leland said to bring her attention back from her internal debate. "I like thinking," she said and leaned back. She looked at her plate and saw that she had finished all of it. She pushed the table away and tried to get comfortable with her bandages as they were feeling a bit tight. "What's wrong?" Leland asked as he removed the table. "I think the bandages are too tight. They're not comfortable." Leland leaned over and pressed the nurse's button. "Myra will be back in a second and she'll look at them." "Ok," she answered and turned to look out the window. She found that looking at him too long made her thoughts turn to the carnal images that he was distracted by earlier. And he was being so nice and attentive to her. She didn't want to insult him. "Miranda," Myra said as she came in the room, "Is there anything wrong?" "My bandages," she told her and held up an arm for her. "They're bothering me." "Well let's take a look," Myra said and came closer. After testing the bandage and the new tape she made her decision. "It's time to change them anyway so we'll take care of that. Be back in a minute." When they were alone again Leland pulled his chair closer. "Why do you keep looking away from me?" Miranda startled a little then turned to look at him. "Don't you already know?" "You told me not to read you, and I'm not. I always keep to my word." Shame hit her at her tone towards him. He was so kind to her and had only done as she asked and she was trying to use it against him. It wasn't right and she knew it. "I'm sorry," she said and looked down at her hands. "That wasn't fair. You have been nothing but nice to me and all I can seem to do is snap at you." "There's nothing to apologize for Miranda," Leland said. "You are and will be a little emotionally drained for a while. I understand it and you, so you can't hurt my feelings," he told her. 'That is unless you say you won't mate with me,' he thought. But he couldn't and wouldn't push himself on her when she was still so traumatized. "You're too nice to me Leland," she said. "I should be locked away in a padded room and you know it just as well as I do." "I know no such thing Miranda," he said and leaned in closer to her. "I will help you through this Miranda. You can and will see that you have more than you know on your side." "You can't know or understand what I feel Leland, how long I've been so alone, so tired. There's nothing left for me. You wouldn't have even known me if I hadn't tried to kill myself and failed." Miranda was getting more and more agitated with every word. Even to herself she sounded pathetic and more like a person that needed to be watched every second, waiting for the moment she would try again and possibly succeed. Leland watched the tears form and the color rise in her cheeks. How do you fight this deep sense of hatred she had for herself? His wolf paced and howled in his mind. He wanted to jump out and show her that she was wanted, needed in more ways than she could imagine. With each word Miranda said against her own state of mind he wanted nothing more than to roll her over and bite her, change her, show her there was more, that she belonged here. "Miranda; you need to stop talking like you don't matter to anyone. You matter to me. I want you, need you in my life. Maybe we didn't meet the way either one of us would have liked, but we have now." He touched her cheek and brushed away the tears that had spilled down them. All he could do was to keep talking, to try and convince her that he was staying with her, that he was going to support her. "What's going on here?" Myra asked as she came back to the room, "Why is my patient upset?" she asked as she looked at Leland. Leland looked up at Myra with such a look of pain and indecision that Myra blinked in confusion. In all their years she had never seen such a lost look on his face. "It's my fault," Miranda said quickly at the accusation in Myra's eyes. "I was upsetting myself. Leland was trying to help me feel better." Now Myra understood the look in his eyes. She had many patients that had made her feel that she wasn't making any progress in getting through to them. She could also see that his wolf was close to the surface, and that was not a good thing at this stage. "Leland, can you leave us for a little while please?" Myra asked as gently as she could. "Why?" "You need to eat and rest," she told him. "I had half a sandwich," he said and kept his eyes on Miranda. Miranda looked over at him shocked and knew that he hadn't moved or slept while she was here, that he had stayed while she slept and watched over her. A wave of unexpected pleasure came up and washed over her lonely heart and it pumped so hard and fast she gasped from it. More than affection, more than lust, she felt connected to him. She had never known what love felt like so she imagined that this must be what it feels like when it starts. "Can he stay please?" she practically begged. "We can make room for a bed for him can't we?" When Miranda turned those sweet eyes on Myra there was no question in Myra's mind that she had just fallen hard for Leland. There would be no way to say no to her. "Let me change your bandages and we'll see what we can do." With that said she cut away the old bandages from Miranda wrists, cleaned the wounds, and wrapped them up with clean cloths. "I'll be back in a little while," she said and turned to Leland. "You at least sit back and rest and I'll send more food in." "I will," Leland said and smiled up at her. "Sure," Myra said and walked out of the room. Leland saw the tracks on Miranda's cheeks from the tears. He stood and went into the bathroom and got a wash cloth and soaked it the water. After wringing it out he went back to her side and sat on the edge of the bed. He gently wiped away the evidence of her crying. Miranda touched his hand and looked into his eyes. He was such a gentle man, so tender to her. She didn't care now what had brought her here to him. She wanted to be with him, wanted to touch him, love him for the rest of her life. "Leland," she said as she watched him. "Shh," he said as he finished cleaning her face. "You don't have to say anything right now. I need you to rest, get stronger." She put her hands on his cheeks and knew he was trying his best not to read her mind, to follow through on his promise. She was certain that he could see her emotions running over her face. She had only been good at hiding the depression, but this she was certain would show. "Leland," she said and smiled at him, "I want you to read me now," she said and when he hesitated she added, "Please." She let all her thoughts all her emotions run out of her, trying to show him as best she could that things changed for her. That he changed them for her. That his steady vigilance meant more to her that she could ever put to words. Leland reared back from the onslaught of her thoughts and emotions. Her heart was in her eyes; her thoughts claimed his soul and made his wolf howl in pleasure. She was theirs, and she trusted them not to hurt her. "My god Miranda," he said breathless. He leaned down and kissed her. He couldn't have stopped himself even if he had tried. Everything he had went into his kiss, he loved her and now he knew she loved him back. She would be his before the next full moon, he was sure of it. When he pulled back he saw how close she was to submitting to him, and it took all his strength to keep from mounting her and mating her in that instant. "I need you in my life Miranda," he said as he stroked her cheek. "But I can wait until you're stronger." "I'll do my best to heal quickly," she said back as she nuzzled his neck. She had this quick flash of biting his neck. Not just a love bite; but a hard, blood drawing tear. She flinched back and wondered where that had come from. Was she losing her mind from all these up and down emotions? Leland knew what had just happened. He had involuntarily showed her his desires and she saw what he wanted her to do when they mated. He needed to be careful with that until she fully understood who he was, and what their life was going to involve. "You need to rest," he said gently and adjusted her pillows for her. She settled back and was still worried over the vision. "Leland what..." "Shh," he said and laid his lips over hers. He didn't want her to think too much on what she had seen. "Just sleep honey. I'll wake you when it's time for dinner." "What about you?" she asked, "You need to sleep too. I can see you're worried about me. I promised I won't do anything to hurt myself again. I keep my promises." "I know you will," he said and kissed her forehead. "I'll rest when you do." "How?" she asked then got a sly look in her eyes, "Unless I make room." Leland chuckled, "I'll get a cot and lay down next to your bed." "Oh," Miranda said a bit disappointed. "Ah now pouting again," Leland said and gave her a love bite on her lower lip. Miranda sucked in a gasp. "No," she said and bit him back, "I don't pout," she said repeating her earlier statement. Leland's body and wolf responded to her aggressiveness. His alpha was right and he should have been ashamed for thinking otherwise. She was responding to him so quickly and so fully that waiting was killing him. "Go to sleep," he told her and sat back down in the chair. "Ok," she said and shifted so she could watch him as her eyes drifted shut. He was so handsome and he wanted her. There couldn't be a better thought in her head as she gently fell asleep.  Leland waited until he heard her breathing slow to the normal deep sleep before he went down to the supply room and retrieved a cot, blankets, and a pillow. He returned and set up his sleeping arraignments for the next couple nights. He felt a quick poke in his head and he turned to see his alpha bitch in the door. He glanced quickly back at Miranda and then bent down in respect. "Leland," she whispered and turned to exit the room. He followed her out and they headed to the waiting room. "She seems to have calmed down today," Junice said. "Yes," Leland said and smiled. "Your constant faith in her has done that," Junice agreed. "She understands that I am not going anywhere without her," he looked into Junice's eyes, "She loves me." Junice smiled brighter and placed a tender hand to his shoulder. "I'm happy for you Leland. When she is stronger you bring her to meet your family." "That will be in another day, maybe day and a half," he said and his look turned grim, "She lost a lot of blood before they found her. If they hadn't she would have died there in her own bath tub." "Leland," Junice said and squeezed his shoulder. "You didn't lose her. She's right there in that room safe and sound. And we will all see that she is happy from this day forward. We will all love her as she deserves." "I know that," he said and turned to look down the hall towards Miranda's room. "I just hope she will accept us." "She will;" Junice assured him, "You know how she feels towards you, and she will share those feelings with our family. Something in Miranda's mind ticked inside Leland's. He turned to concentrate more on her; her mind was a riot of desperate feelings. He turned back to his alpha bitch. "Go," she said and pushed him in the direction of Miranda's room, "We'll talk again later." Leland quickly bowed and ran to Miranda. When he entered she was moaning and thrashing in the bed. When he rushed up to her bed her dreams penetrated to him. They had turned to deep lustful dreams that had her sex releasing its addictive smell. Her arousal made is wolf go crazy, howling and begging to be let out and take his mate. It took all of Leland's reasoning to get him to understand that she was dreaming, but it did little to soothe his own reactions. His cock hardened and he wanted so bad to lay with her and hold her. "Leland," she moaned in her sleep. He almost lost it. She was dreaming about him, possibly even dreaming about them making love, or Luna help him, even mating. Her thrashing increased and she abruptly turned to her stomach and leaned back on her hands and knees. He had to stop her, had to wake her up. But there was no denying the absolute hunger that gripped him. The sight of her on her hands and knees had his wolf rushing forward and Leland was just barely able to stop him from coming completely out. She moaned louder and clutched at the sheets. Before he knew what happened, she buried her face in the mattress and screamed her release. Her juices flowed out and stung the air. Leland took a deep breath, his wolf begging to bury his nose in her sex. Not yet, he told him, but soon. Slowly she moved back down to the mattress. When Leland found his senses again he saw a dark stain on the sheets. He moved and turned on the light above her bed. He jolted upright when he saw that it was blood. He pushed the emergency button and he reached down and as gently as he could he lifted her hand. The bandages were soaked in her blood. He gently began to wake her and he helped her to turn back over. Myra rushed in a second later. "What's wrong?" she asked as she rushed to Miranda's bed. She saw the blood and looked at Leland. "How did this happen?" "Miranda was dreaming and I didn't see the blood until after she had calmed," Leland explained. He didn't want to add the nature and reasons for her thrashing. The night resident rushed in, "What's happening nurse?" he asked as he stepped up. "Looks like an accident Doctor," Myra said. Miranda having fully awakened at this point looked down and panicked. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said as she began to shake. "It's not your fault," Leland said and brushed her hair back. "You were dreaming honey," he told her. "We'll fix you right up Miranda," Myra said and stroked her arm trying to comfort her. "Can you tell us what the dream was about?" the doctor asked as he apply pressure to her wrists. "Nurse we'll need fresh bandages and bring me more sutures." "Yes doctor," Myra said and left the room. "Leland, apply pressure to the other wrist please," the doctor said. He had recognized him as an interning c.n.a. and was not going to turn down the extra hands. "Yes doctor," Leland said and did as he was instructed; first grabbing a couple clean cloth's for them both. "Well, Miss Cook," the doctor said again, "What was the dream about?" "I'm sorry," Miranda said as she still shook. "I don't remember." Leland kept quiet. He knew exactly what she was dreaming but knew that to say so would embarrass her. "That's alright," the doctor said and gently removed the soaked bandages. Myra rushed back in with the supplies and coaxed Miranda to look at her. "Just listen to me Miranda," she said and talked gently to her as the doctor removed the torn stitches and injected a local anesthetic in the wounds. Leland moved closer to Miranda, "Miranda," he whispered. He didn't like the ashen look in her skin or the way she was tightly squeezing her eyes shut. When she didn't move, he tried again. "Miranda look at me," he said again. She turned to look at him and slowly opened her eyes. "I'm here," he whispered and touched her forehead. She was moist from the stress of trying not to see what was happening. "I'm not leaving. We'll get through this together." When she stared into his eyes she looked to be ready for some great secret to pop right out of her. Then she smiled and turned her face to cuddle his hand. "Thank you," she said and continued to take in his scent and strength. She drew it in like water, never feeling that she had enough of him inside her. There was a step she was missing. She knew it, but she couldn't figure out what step it was she needed to take. She was keeping her promise yes, but not just for him anymore, for her just as much. She was seeing a turn in her life, one that she never thought would come. "Ok all done," the doctor said. "You did great Miranda," Myra said. When she looked down she saw the fresh bandages and smiled up at them. "Thank you." "You're welcome," the doctor said and moved to leave, "Now no more active dreams. We don't want to have to do this all over again." "I'll do my best," she agreed. "I'll have the on duty nursing assistant come in and change your sheets," Myra said. "Ok," Miranda answered and turned back to watch Leland. He never took his eyes off her, never wavered in his support, and she was more than willing to share everything she was with him. She barely heard the doctor and Myra leave. "Did you sleep?" she asked him as he moved his seat closer to her. "I was finishing putting my cot together when my... boss called," he said by way of telling her the majority of the truth. "She and I were talking when I felt you being disrupted in your sleep." "You can feel it when I'm dreaming?" She thought about her dream now that her head was clear and she was no longer frightened. Then she remembered what it was she had been dreaming; the heat and lust she felt as she dreamed of what it would be like to be with him in such a human and satisfactory way. She felt the heat rising to her cheeks when she realized that he had to have known what she was dreaming. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about Miranda," he said gently and lightly took her hand in his. "It's natural to want that level of closeness," he assured her. "But I..." she couldn't say that she had an orgasm over a dream. "Trust me," he said and kissed her hand. "It's all I want too. I want to feel you ready for me, to feel you wrapped around me in pleasure. Most of all I want to feel myself buried so deep inside you that you will never want anything more in your life." His words caused her stomach to tighten and a tingling starting deep inside her. He wanted her, was all she could think. He wanted what all men wanted from small petite women, but with her. In her lustful dream he was teaching her everything he liked, and showing her what it was to gain pleasure in his touch and his kiss. "I want you inside me," her hoarse whisper reaching his ears and he almost lost it yet again. Despair & Desire Ch. 02 He moved to sit with her on the bed, "You can't imagine what that does to me to hear you say that," he told her as he leaned in closer, "How much I want to fulfill every one of your desires. When they release you from here I want to take you to meet my family. I want you to see what our life can be if you let us be together." As he spoke he rested his forehead against hers and touched her face. He couldn't seem to stop himself from touching her in some way. "I would like that but..." she sounded unsure. "But what sweetheart?" he asked as his touched his lips to her brow. "Will they accept that a nut case is in love with you?" her apprehension leaking out in her voice. "Stop that," he chided. "I told you already I didn't want to hear that from you. You are and will always be the one I want. You are already being accepted into our lives as my love, my life. They will accept and love you if for no other reason than that." "I don't know if that's true, but I hope you're right." "I know I am," he said. "We all have stories to tell. You have yours, and I have mine and the family has a few as well. And you will learn all about them, just as they will learn about you." "You seem so sure about this," she said as she took his face in her hands. "I am sure," he said and touched his lips to hers, "I love you and that will be more than enough for them." "Oh Leland," she said and kissed him hard. It was the first time she heard the words and the emotions that ran over her at hearing them consumed her. "Ahem," someone coughed behind them. They separated and looked at the doorway. A nurse's assistant stood there holding clean sheets and blankets. "Sorry," Leland said and moved back. "No problem," she said and smiled at them both. "You're Leland right?" she asked as she walked in. "Yes." "I heard you are an intern here," she said as she put the bed clothes on the table. "I am yes," he said. "Good than I could use your help," she said and then turned to Miranda. "My name is Lucy," she said and held out her hand. Miranda took it and looked up her. She had to only be in her early twenties. It made her feel old. She looked at Leland and saw his frown. She quickly poked at him and said it was just a female reaction, get used to it. Leland smiled and chuckled under his breath. "Hello Lucy," Miranda returned and watched as Leland moved to help Lucy. "First we have to get you up and in the chair ok," Lucy said. "Ok." Together Lucy and Leland got Miranda into the chair and comfortable. Then they changed the seats in record time. The soiled sheets were taken away after they got her back into the bed and sat up to receive her dinner. Leland was given a tray of food per Myra's orders and they ate quietly as they each thought over the conversation they had prior to being interrupted. "Leland," Miranda said; bringing Leland out of his thoughts. "Hmm," he said as he looked turned to look at her. "You looked a little serious there. Want to tell me what you were thinking." "Just about us," he said. "Oh, just, about us," she snickered. He chuckled at her teasing. "Well maybe a bit more than that." "I can't wait to be out of here," she said and moved her table tray away from the bed. She held out her hand and he rose and took it as he settled beside her. "I want to go to my place for a day or two when they release me, but then we can see your family to see how they react to me." He had wanted to take her right away to meet the pack, but he knew he had to do this slowly. He had to explain to her who he was. And maybe going to her place first was the best way. It gave them time to talk and to get her used to the idea of pack life. "I know that they will be happy with you Miranda, but your right. You will need to relax after being in the hospital. We'll see to it that you are ready before meeting everyone." She tugged on his hand and had him leaning down to her. "Will you be able to stay with me?" she asked quietly, "I mean when you're not working." "I'm taking a few days off," he said and touched his lips to her temple. "We need the time to get to know each other. And I want to make sure you're healing properly." "Hmm," she hummed as she felt his lips tease her skin. She wanted his lips on hers, wanted him to posses her as he had already. "Not now honey," he said as he continued to coax her lips towards his. "But soon we will know what it's like to be together that way." "No fair," she complained as she looked at him, "You already know what I want." "Only partly," he assured her. "I just know what I want from you, what I want for you. And I know what pleasures we can give to each other." "I think you should know something about me first," she said and teased his bottom lip with her tongue. She could feast on his lips all night. His mind went blank for a moment, "What's that?" She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close; almost afraid to see his face as she prepared to confess her truth to him. Leland felt her anxiety raise a little, "Miranda?" She tightened her grip on him and took a deep breath. "I'm still a virgin Leland. Any one that I was interested in never wanted me. They would look at me, at how big I am and they turn and leave. As they did I could see the disgust in their eyes, I couldn't blame them at the time. I didn't want to even look at myself in the mirror anymore." Now he understood how and why she got to where she would even think about taking her life. Those men never saw beyond the physical, never saw the woman beneath. He couldn't imagine how she must have felt when they would turn away from her. Then add on the death of her parents and that she had no one to turn to, she slowly descended into a mental trap that a lot of depression victims fell into. "They didn't deserve such a wonderful woman as you," he said, and thanked Luna that they had never been so inclined as to touch her. He was afraid to tell her how much his cock has hardened at the thought of her innocence. Right now he was waging a war with his wolf to retain control. "You're tired," he said and laid her bed back so she could sleep. "Get some rest," he said as he touched his lips to her forehead.  Two days later Miranda was leading Leland to her apartment. She took out her keys and took his hand at the same time. She opened the door and turned, a look entered her eyes that Leland was uncertain if he was seeing right. She tugged him in and closed and locked the door. "Uh Miranda," he said as she moved down the hallway. "Where are we going?" "Oh I think you know," she said as she led him to her bedroom. When they stepped in she smiled and leaned into him. She rose up to her toes and took his lips in hers; teasing him with her tongue sliding along the seam of his until they opened for her. In the past two days she had learned what he responded to, what had him gripping her hair in lust, what calmed him to taste gently; and now she was alone with him, now she was free to touch him the way she wanted. She used everything she had learned and applied it to her kiss. "Miranda," he moaned against her lips, "You should rest." "No," she said defiantly. "What do you mean no?" he said losing the battle a little more. "I mean I've had two days of being strapped down and not being able to explore this love we have," she said and kissed him again, "And now I am going to do just that." She deepened the kiss in the way she knew would wipe his mind of everything but her. She heard the thump of her suit case as it fell from his hand and giggled into his mouth. Leland was lost and he knew it, his will power had lasted until now. The freedom she spoke of the last of his excuses that he had for not touching her. He wanted her just as she wanted him, but more so as his wolf wanted in on the action getting started. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her three feet off the floor to kiss her hard and long. Miranda knew she was winning, as soon as her feet hit the floor she guided him to her bed. I want him, and he wants me. I'm going to take what I want this time, and she knew just how to get it without him having even a slight chance of protesting. She knew he was concerned about hurting her, but she felt fine, and she was more than ready to be with him. How did he lose control? He was supposed to be taking care of her, making sure she was rested. But she had turned this around on him and he found himself suddenly laid back and her straddling him, her mouth actively wringing every ounce of reason from him. His hands were gripping her shoulders, holding her close. Her breasts pressed into his chest and he could feel her nipples hardening as they rubbed against him. He groaned as she settled over him and she did a long slow body rub and his cock responded. Miranda felt him harden under her and she instinctively pressed her mound hard into it. She had dream after dream of being with him and she didn't care if it had only been a few days since they met. He was hers, she was his, and she wanted him to take her, claim her. His hands traveled up her back and clutched her hair, holding her closer to him, she loved it. "I want you Leland," she whispered between kisses. She feared if she spoke any louder it would break this wonderful spell that was over them. Leland rolled them over until she was under him. He had to gain back some of his control or he would hurt her. But when she lifted her head and licked his neck he lost what little control he had gained back and locked his lips with hers. His hands in her hair tightened and pulled just enough to make her moan in his mouth and his cock hardened even more. He rocked his hips and rubbed his erection into her pelvis. The friction was heaven but she wanted more, she wanted his hands on her. Her skin burned to be touched by him. Pleased that he wanted her like this, she ran her own hands under his shirt. "MMMmmmm," she moaned again as she felt his body for the first time. His abs, his nipples, his back, all made her want caress and tease him. "Touch me Leland." He pulled back and barely was able to control himself so he didn't just rip her clothes from her body. He quickly dragged her shirt up and over her head and threw it to the ground. Her body finally exposed to him, he went to work showing her how it was supposed to feel to be needed, wanted, and loved. He took his hands over her possessively, teasing her nipples under her plain white cotton bra. She wiggled under him and gasped at every touch. He reached under her and unhooked her bra, releasing her beautiful heavy breasts for his pleasure. Looking in her eyes he lowered his head and sucked one of her nipples into his mouth. The look of excitement and lust that came into her eyes spurred him on. He sucked hard and lightly bit on the hard tip and she came up from the bed in reaction. Her hands grasped his hair and held him closer. He tortured her until he felt her shaking under him, then he moved to her other breast and gave it the same treatment. The scent of her arousal rose up to his nose and he growled his lust around her breast. He reached down and flicked opened the button on her slacks and slid the zipper down before she knew what he was doing. He released her nipple and kissed his way down her body. As he did he moved her slacks down with him. He licked and nibbled every inch of her bare skin as it was exposed to him. She wanted him to the point of insanity. She knew he was teasing her, getting her ready, but she didn't want him to take so much care with her. She wanted him to take what he wanted. She wanted to submit to him, hell she wanted him to make her submit. She never had these feelings before and to feel them for the first time, especially while he was currently nipping her hip with his teeth, made her a bit vocal. "Leland," she moaned as his tongue slid along the seam that met her hip to her leg. "Please." She wasn't sure what she wanted or was begging for but she knew he did. Having decided to make love to her Leland had made the compromise with his wolf to take it slow and they would have her together. But the sound of her begging him, the feeling of surrender that rolled from her had his wolf rushing forward. Leland had to grab him by the scruff to keep from changing right there. But his cock was straining under his zipper and was becoming painful. He reached down and ripped her panties away from her, the sound pushing him on to possess. He slipped his hands up her legs and leaned down to take in her scent deeply. Miranda was breathing harder, and waiting for what Leland was going to do next. She wasn't so naive to not understand what he was going to do. Slowly she spread her legs open for him. When he looked up she smiled and let him know that she wanted him to do whatever he wanted with her. Pleased at her actions Leland leaned down and teased her dark curls with his tongue, slipping it down until he found her clit. It hardened under the pressure he applied to it and her hips began moving to get closer to him. He sucked her clit into his mouth and gently bit down, she screamed in pleasure and her pussy started leaking its juices under them. As he continued to play with her clit his hands traveled up her legs, opening them wider to him. He moved one hand to her mound and ran his finger along her slit. She was so wet already and he couldn't wait to bury his cock deep inside her. But first he wanted her to cum for him. He wanted to see her take pleasure in what he was doing to her. Miranda's hands found their way to her breasts and she was squeezing and tweaking them. Her head thrashed at his every touch. She wanted more, she wanted him to take her, to slide inside her and make her his. Then suddenly she felt his finger slip inside her slit and then find her opening. Slowly his pressed deeper into her and she moaned with such abandon that she thought that she was finally lost to him. He was filling her with his finger and she could feel every movement he made as he explored her tight channel. "So wet," he moaned against her mound, "So tight. I want to be inside you so much." As he spoke he withdrew and then reinserted his finger over and over again. She thrashed under him so he held on to her with his other hand and pressed more of his weight into her. He turned his finger until he felt that bundle of nerves that made up her "g" spot and rubbed it firmly. "Leland!" she screamed and came on his hand. Quickly he moved down and buried his face in her pussy and drank in her release. She was delicious and he wanted more. He licked and teased her as she quaked, drawing her orgasm out. He plunged his finger in faster, and then he joined a second finger inside her, stretching her a little more. She was moaning so loud he was sure someone would hear. But he couldn't seem to care besides as soon as they realized what kind of moans they were they would either move on, or listen to hear more. "Oh yes Leland," she said as another wave of pleasure washed over her. He never stopped, causing her to cum over and over. When her fourth orgasm hit her she was a useless pile of lust. Leland felt her go limp and looked up. She was smiling with her eyes closed an expression of bliss on her face. His cock straining to get out was pressed hard into her leg. Quickly he removed his shirt and slowly opened his pants. Once they were off he tossed them on the floor with the rest of their clothes. He had to be inside her had to take her and make her his. But he couldn't mate her, not yet. He needed her consent first, her acceptance. He lowered himself down to her, his cock teasing her pussy. When her eyes opened he saw the utter trust, the love in her eyes and he moaned at his need for her. "I know you're worried about hurting me Leland," she said when he made no move to enter her. "Please don't. I want this, I want you. I want you to be my first and only. No one will ever be able to be this close to me." That was for damn sure, Leland thought. He dropped his forehead to hers and just stared into her eyes and he gently pushed forward. He saw every emotion run through her at the feeling of being opened for the first time to a man. The slight wince as he pressed against her maiden head made him pause. "It's ok," she whispered. She couldn't find the words to explain to him what she was feeling. "Leland read me please," she begged. He did as she asked and her feelings washed over him like a hot sexy glove, grabbing at his own lust and pulling him into her. Then she told him what she wanted with her thoughts and he couldn't resist. He pulled back until just the tip of his cock was inside her then he plunged into her until he was buried balls deep. Miranda screamed at the slight pain, but more from the pleasure of feeling him fill her with his entire cock. "More," she said as she moved her hips to try and get more of him in her. "Miranda," he groaned as he slid deeper. He slowly withdrew and Miranda clutched him tighter, "No!" she screeched at she thought that was he removing himself from her. "It's alright," he told her as he slid back in. "Oh yes," she moaned as she felt him fill her again. He moved slowly at first, getting her used to having him inside her. She was so damn tight and his grip of control was slipping. "Oh Leland yes. More please, show me more." "You're so tight, so wet. You don't know what I want at this moment," he warned her. Her words were making his wolf jump and growl with the need to mate. Just the taste of her was more than he could imagine it was like to have a mate. His need to mate was nearing the breaking point. Miranda had a sudden lash in her mind of Leland kneeling behind her, fucking her as he leaned over and bit her shoulder. She saw him change over her into something like a cross between a man and a wolf, and she knew. Finally she understood what he was, why she was so attracted so needy for him. She gasped from the sheer surprise and god help her, the lust she felt at knowing it. Leland knew the second she figured him out, the second she realized who and what he was. But he felt no repulsion, no fear coming from her. Instead he felt her submission, her love, and her lust. "Leland," she whispered as she stilled him over her with a touch on his cheek. The second she touched him he stopped. The strain from not moving was killing him, but he would do anything she asked at this moment of truth. "Back up a bit," she said. He did. His cock slipped out of her and his gaze stayed glued to her eyes. She knew he thought she was going to reject him, knew that his heart was beating from the control he was holding on to. Slowly she turned under him and rose up to her hands and knees. Then she balanced herself on one hand as she moved her hair out of the way. Leland couldn't believe what he was seeing. She was offering herself to him, waiting. "You know," he said in awe. "Yes," she answered back. She looked over her shoulder with such a look of total love and understanding that he lost it. She watched as he changed, his body growing larger, hair springing up over his body. "I don't want to hurt you," he growl spoke to her. "You won't," she said with certainty. "How did you know?" he asked. "You showed me," she said, "And I was having the best and weirdest dreams about you and me together. It finally hit now when you let your guard down enough so that your thoughts came through to me." She wiggled her butt at him. "So do you want to keep talking or do you want to claim me?" Leland leaned over her licked a trail up her spine. She moaned and pushed back into him. His cock teased her pussy again and she rubbed against it. His low growl told her he liked it. So she did it again. Despair & Desire Ch. 02 "Please Leland," she said as she tried to get him to slide back into her. Just the tip of his cock was driving her mad. "Easy my love," he said and gripped her hips. "It's bigger than you think now. We must go slowly." "What?" she said and turned to look for herself. He was right. The quick glimpse she had of him before he entered her the first time she knew he was big, but now as she looked she gasped. "Damn," she said and nearly fell over in lust. From nowhere she moved her hips back and thought it was good that she took him by surprise as she impaled herself on him. She groaned as he stretched her wider than he had before. "Oh god yes," she screamed as his hips moved in time with hers. "Now Leland now," she begged and moved her hair again. "Make me yours. I can't wait." Her pleading was sending him over the edge. Her tight pussy breaking his control and he plunged faster and faster into her. Just as he felt her tightening even more around his cock he knew she was about to cum again. He gripped her hips tighter and he leaned over her and teased her shoulder with his teeth. Just as she exploded around him he clamped down on her shoulder drawing blood. He drank her in as she shudder under him. When her orgasm subsided he released her and licked the wound closed. The permanent bruising the only thing left behind that showed she was mated visually. His scent would cling to her for weeks to make sure that no other male would come near her. Then he howled as she moved to turn again, the action taking his cock out of her. Miranda moved quickly, knowing she had to or he would take control again, and rolled him over on his back. She saw how much bigger he had become and she couldn't wait to have the power under her. She climbed on top of him and plunged her pussy back down on his cock. She didn't want his submission but she wanted to see his pleasure in taking her. She moved her hips and he went deeper into her. She slipped and slid over him and fucked him as hard and fast as she could. She felt something larger trying to get inside her and she looked down. A large lump close to the base of his cock was trying to get inside her. She wasn't smart on animal anatomy but she knew from her dogs mating that he was trying to tie to her. Once she understood that she forced herself down harder and that was all it took and she was tied to him. Leland couldn't believe what she was doing. Then she leaned over him and she clamped her teeth on his shoulder. She bit down until she tasted blood in her mouth. Leland lost it yet again. His cum rushed out of him and filled her and his knot the only thing keeping it inside her. Miranda came again as she felt him cum inside her for the first time. She reared back and screamed her pleasure. When she came down she landed on Leland exhausted from the power of her orgasm. Leland wrapped her in his arms and held on tightly, his body slowly changing back to his human form. His breathing still labored and his heart still racing. He'd never had a female do that to him before. But then again he never had his mate in his arms before this either. He never understood what a difference there was in making love to your mate, never understood the happiness that came with being mated to the other half of yourself. And now he completely understood what it was that had driven her to the suicide attempt. Had he not been a werewolf, had he not had his focus and drive to finish his classes, and if he had not had his pack and everyone that loved and supported him he may have attempted such a thing as well. His arms involuntarily tightened around her. He had to remember that she wasn't gone, that she was here and she was his mate. That they completed and were fully mated and she would be with him forever now. He would protect her, soothe her, and love her and their cubs until his death. "I know you will," Miranda said and nuzzled his neck. Her hands traveled over him. She couldn't seem to stop touching him. "You heard that?" he asked as he nuzzled back. It surprised him that the bond had already started. "Hmm," she said and teased his bite mark with her teeth. When he shuddered under her she giggled. "Yes. Didn't you just say all those wonderful things? I like the thought that you haven't had a woman like me. I love that you understand me, and want me." "I didn't speak out loud though honey," he explained as he trailed his hands up and down her spine. She grumbled her pleasure at being petted. "Really?" she asked as she continued her light touches. She wasn't ready for another round yet, but she was content with this lazy kind of just touching. "Our bond is starting," he said. When she tried to moved he grunted from his knot being pulled on, but she was unable to move off him. "Uh oh," she giggled and had him chuckling with her. "I guess I'm stuck for a while huh?" "I guess so," he agreed. "Are you uncomfortable?" "No," she said and meant it. "I just was worried about you." "I could hold you like this forever," he said with complete honesty. "How about this?" he asked and he rolled until they were face to face on their side. "How can you be so perfect?" she asked. "Everything is so perfect now and you seem to just know what the right thing to do is." "I'm not perfect Miranda. I just know what I want, what I need in this world. And I want you, I need you in my life," he said, adding weight to the words with the emotion behind them. She stared in his eyes and remembered when she had dreamed of being that for someone, and to need that from someone. She leaned in and kissed him gently. "I want you too; need you too, so much more than I could have dreamed when I first woke up in that hospital. I'm so glad you are such a persistent man." "I'm not just a man," he said and to prove it his eyes changed. "I know that," she said a little irritated with him. "Don't you get it that I understood exactly what I was doing? That I knew it when you lifted me." "What?" Leland asked confused. "Leland I know how much I weigh. You would have to be one of those body builders to lift me as easily as you did. Sense you don't have the obscene size as they do then there had to be another less reasonable answer. Add that to my dreams and the flashes of your thoughts it just made sense." "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you angry with me," he said a little sheepish. "But I've never heard of a bond starting so quickly. It seems like ours had started before we mated and it has thrown me off a bit." She rolled over until she was above him again. "Leland; you make me feel beautiful and sexy. I don't want you to feel like you have to explain every little thing to me. But I do want you to understand where I was before we met." "You don't have to tell me now," he said wanting to sooth her. "I want to tell you now," she said and nuzzled down into his chest. When his arms came around her she sighed in contentment. "I could lie like this forever." "I wouldn't mind," he said and kissed her head. "I can look at it now and see that it had been building for a while. My parents have been gone for five years now. They were so much a part of my life that when they died I felt like a part of me was ripped out. I was a useless mess for at least six months. After that I was barely functioning well enough to go back to work. I didn't understand that I was in a depression until about three months ago. Thoughts just kept popping into my mind about how no one would care if I was gone. No one would notice that the quiet fat girl with the corner cubical was no longer coming to work. Hell, I was thinking that they would just chalk it up to me eating myself to death." "Miranda!" Leland scolded. "I'm just saying that's the way I was feeling, the way I was thinking. It was getting worse and then one day I just figured why stick around anymore. No one saw me, no one loved me, or even cared enough to pretend to care that I was obviously having problems. My body disgusted me. All I see in the mirror is fat rolls, hanging tits, and a fat ass. How could anyone want that? It was no wonder I hadn't had a date in so long I can't remember. All I could think was I'd be doing men a favor by killing myself. Then they wouldn't have to worry about someone like me showing any interest in them that they would have to fend off or lie to get out of." "That's enough!" Leland said and jerked them both to a sitting position. He watched as her eyes widened in shock at the movement. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. These other people in your life before have got to be blind as stumps not to see who you are. You don't have to be skinny to be desirable. To tell you the truth all those skinny girls are the ones that should be committed. Do you know how many of them starve themselves to get that way?" "Leland," she said and caressed his cheek. "I didn't say these things to anger you. I just wanted you to understand a little of what I was feeling, thinking. I want you to see how much you mean to me so that you know that I will not try something that selfish again." Leland gently tucked her hair behind her ear. "You are the most beautiful, caring woman I have ever seen. I love the way you look, the way you smell, the way you feel under my hands." Miranda felt his knot subside and his cock slowly retreat from her body. She scooted closer to hold him inside her longer. His quiet chuckle teased her ear. "I don't think I like it when you leave my body," she whispered and leaned him back. "I guess I'll have to do something about that." Slowly she teased his neck with her teeth, her bite mark just at the base of his neck begging her to sink back into his skin. He moaned at the feel of her teeth grazing the spot and his cock began to harden again. A knock on her door broke through their loving haze. They both groaned. "Who could that be?" Miranda wondered out loud. "Were you expecting someone?" Leland asked. "No," she said and moved to the closet and pulled out a robe while Leland pulled on his pants. As they moved towards the door he felt another poke in his mind. "Miranda stop," he said and took her arm. "What?" "Let me answer it," he said with a serious look. "Why?" "You'll see in a moment," he moved to the door and as he opened it he kneeled down. Miranda watched stunned. "My Alpha," he said. Shock and awe made Miranda stumble for a second before she followed Leland's lead and knelt as well. Before her stood as gorgeous example of male she had ever seen. He was so big and tall, and all that silvery hair glistened in her hall lights. "That wasn't necessary yet Miranda," Draven told her. She looked up quickly. "How do you...?" "Know your name?" Draven smiled and sent shivers through her. "Leland told me. Please stand, both of you. May I come in?" Miranda scrambled to her feet. Leland followed more sedately. "Yes please come in." "Thank you," he said and entered. He took a long leisurely look around her home and smiled. He took in the subtle, but exotic colors and decorations she had around her living room; "You have a very lovely home Miranda. Maybe we could have you do some interior decorating at the den." Miranda's jaw dropped and she was certain if she had been any shorter it would have hit the floor hard. "You want me to decorate your home?" "Well let's see if you have any ideas first. Then we'll make a decision," he turned and looked at Leland. "You didn't wait." "I..." Leland stammered for the first time in his life. "Wait for what?" Miranda asked him. "To mate with you," Draven answered. "He should have taken his time. Brought you to meet us, and to let you make that decision willingly and with all the facts first." He held up his hand when she began to protest on Leland's behalf. "I'm not saying he's in trouble, I'm just saying you should have waited." He walked into her living room and sat in the only chair there besides the couch. "Now you two have some things that have to be taken care of before the rites." Leland led Miranda to the couch and they sat waiting. "First Miranda you have a decision to make. I'm not opposed to you keeping your apartment. Even I need time away from the den from time to time. But you and Leland will be needed at the den more so than here." "Sir..." she started and Draven held up his hand again. "Maybe I need to start just a bit more basic first. I am now your alpha, my mate is your alpha bitch," he said and saw her interest begin. "What I think we need to do is have you come to the den for a month or so. That way you can learn the basics of pack life. From there we will see what you are best suited at doing. And from the looks of your home I think you would have a great task ahead of you with the decorating of the den." Miranda's head spun. He wanted to teach her, to give her a job. And as this all happened; Leland sat quietly holding her hand, his love pushing into her mind to help settle her. She turned to look at him and his smiled warmed her. "I look forward to the challenge," she said as she turned back to her new Alpha. "Now as you learn you will have questions," Draven said as caught the look in their eyes. "If Leland doesn't have the answers for you then you can come to me." "Sir... I mean Alpha," Miranda stammered. Her hand came up to rub at her temple. "I still have my job here and..." "Did it satisfy you?" Draven interrupted her. "What?" "Did you gain any joy from your job Miranda? Did it fulfill your needs inside you; make you feel like you know that it was what you wanted to do in your life?" That stopped her. As she thought about it she began to realize that it didn't. That it never had. It was just a way to pay her rent, put food in the fridge and keep her lights on, nothing more. Her nerves left her to be replaced with a sense of being lost, hurt, and stupidity. How could she have never understood that before now? When Leland leaned over and brushed her cheek she felt the tears that were running freely. She looked back and found that Alpha Draven had moved to her side as well. "I didn't mean to upset you Miranda," he said and tucked her under his arm like her father used to do. The feeling of loss filled her so fast she couldn't stop it. Her grief sobbed out of her. Somewhere she was aware that they were both holding her, but the grief didn't let up. "I still miss them," she sobbed out, "How can it still hurt so much?" Leland looked up at his alpha in pain. He couldn't stop what she was feeling more than he could stop loving her. His wolf paced in his mind trying to find a way to help. "You will always miss them Miranda," Draven said. "But the love you will receive from your new family will help ease that." He looked down as she looked up, "You are part of our family now. You can lean on all of us." "You want me?" she said in mild shock. "All of us will," Draven said. Another knock sounded urgently on her door again. Leland looked up and Draven nodded for him to get it. Leland moved to the door, though reluctantly. He needed to hold Miranda, to ease her pain. To show her he would never leave. He opened the door and realized he was a bit more focused on Miranda to not have felt his Alpha bitch before opening the door. He knelt again. "Leland please;" Junice said and waited until he rose. "I came as quickly as I could." Her heart nearly burst as she walked into the living room. With a cry of distress she rushed the couch and grabbed Miranda in her arms. Draven backed up as his mate rocked Miranda slowly. He knew her nature to want to comfort all her pack members. Junice would have felt his distress first at her crying then the tiny link that was starting would have finished the job in making her come here. Miranda didn't know who it was that was holding her. She just knew that there was a feeling of support and love washing over her. She snuggled in and held on tight. "You feel like my mom used to," she whispered after getting her breath back. "I suppose that's because I am a mom," Junice said and leaned back. "Feeling better?" "Yes," Miranda said and wiped her eyes. "Will one of you get us some water?" Junice asked. "Who are you?" Miranda asked as Leland left to do as his Alpha bitch requested. "I'm Junice," she said and smoothed the hair back from face. "The Alpha Bitch of the Draven pack." When Miranda sucked in an embarrassed gasp Junice shook her head. "Don't be embarrassed Miranda. You have a right to feel sad." "But not to feel so stupid," Miranda said and pushed off the couch. She was making a fool of herself in front of her new alphas. Crying like a little girl. "Miranda," Leland said with a growl. He had walked in with the glass of water as her thoughts came to him. "I told you I won't have you thinking that way." "Leland she's upset," Junice said and stood to take the water. She turned and held it out for Miranda. "Come and sit honey." Miranda walked back to the couch and Junice handed her the water. After soothing her raw throat she put the glass down on the coffee table. She looked up and Draven had resumed his seat in the chair and Leland walked over and sat at her other side. "I know this is all so new and so sudden," Junice said as she stroked Miranda's arm. "But you will be loved and cared for. I can already feel you in my heart." Miranda just stared at this dark goddess. She was offering her a family. "I want to go to the den now," Miranda said having made up her mind. Junice smiled and hugged her. "We'll leave as soon as you pack a bag. We can send someone to pick up the rest." "I need to call and put in notice at my job." "Okay," Junice agreed. Despair & Desire Ch. 03 Later that night Miranda laid in Leland's arms, quietly stroking his chest. Her life had turned so quickly. Her Alpha Bitch Junice stayed with her the entire time she made her call and packed her bag. When they arrived at the den she was introduced to the head beta, Alpha Draven's second Michael. From that moment she had been touched and petted and snuggled by nearly every member of the pack. At first she was embarrassed and unsure, but Leland explained that they were getting to know her and welcoming her. She had noticed a small group of women that had held themselves apart from the rest. When she asked Leland he looked over and told her not to worry, they would come around sooner or later. Her bond with him was growing stronger as the day passed. Now she found it interesting that if a stray thought ran through his mind, she would catch it. She would especially catch it when it was a strong sexual need to be alone with her. Images of them together would flash in her mind and she would fidget. Once he realized what he was doing he chuckled and spoke through their bond that he wished this welcoming would go faster. She returned the sentiment. Then she told him how much she wanted to feel him inside her again. A sudden flash of him filling her, stretching her pussy with his hybrid cock had her gasping and her breath leave her. "Leland, stop teasing Miranda," Junice scolded while smiling brightly. Leland apologized and went back to his dinner as Miranda tried to calm herself. Now as she teased his chest with her fingers she wondered if she could tease him with her mind just as well. She imagined licking his neck and then gently biting it. His breath quickened, so she moved her mind down to his chest. His heart was beating faster, so she moved her mind again down further, just barely brushing her lips above his growing arousal. As she felt his body tensing she looked up to see his face. He head was thrown back and his arms were gripping her tighter. "Do you want me to stop?" she asked. He looked like he was in pain and she didn't want to cause him pain. "Don't you dare," he said and looked down at her. The lust and love she saw there in his eyes spurred her on. She leaned up and slithered over him. When she kissed him he leaned in to deepen it. When she did a long slow rub down his body he shuddered. Oh goodness it felt wonderful to have power over him. Along slow rumble sounded and it took a minute for her to realize that the sound came from her own throat. That interested her enough that she tested herself even further, seeing what she did, or what he did that would make the sound come again. She was having so much fun in that that she failed to see that his eyes had changed, his arms had hardened, and his cock was harder than stone. As she continued to tease him with both her mind and her body he was barely restraining his wolf from coming forward. Miranda moved down his body, she found it fascinating that she could do both things at once. As her mind teased and nibbled his nipples, her lips traveled down to his hard cock. They hadn't done this before and she was curious to what he would taste like, what smells she would find. She nuzzled his hip and moved closer. Taking a deep breath she smelled his natural scent. It was such a wonderful smell that she buried her nose and took it in deeper. Then she touched the tip of her tongue to just under his curly hair above his cock. His body jerked and she placed her hands on his legs. She then moved it down closer to the tip of his cock and she was inspired to move her mind to the same spot. Her intention was to see how far she could go, how much of her teasing he could withstand. As she tasted and teased his cock she found she loved the flavor of him, the different textures his body had. Suddenly she felt his hands in her hair and she giggled. "You like torturing me?" he growled and tightened his grip. She just moaned around his cock and tried to test how much of him she could take into her mouth. Then as she did she sent her mind further down and teased his sack. At his growl she knew he was closer to letting his wolf out. She moved her mouth, tasting and licking and dragging her teeth over him as her mind did the same for his balls. When his hands tightened even more, when his hips jerked and trembled, and his growls grew to a constant rumble she knew she had to have him. She had him to a point where he was holding on to her hair the same as he was his control and it was time to let him have her. She looked up and saw how lost he was. "Leland," she said and licked his hip again. When he pried his eyes open and looked down at her she gasped at the emotions and the need running through him. She found her voice again and asked almost too quietly, "Do you want to make love to me now, or do you want to fuck me?" It was a fine distinction for her, but one she thought she already understood. What she wanted was for him to fuck her, in every way he knew how to. "How do I answer that?" he asked and pulled her up along his body slowly so that she could feel what she had done to him, so that every possible inch of her rubbed against his cock. "Right now we want to fuck and mate with you all over again, but you are still new and deserved to be treated better than that." "Leland I didn't ask you that to put you in a bad position. But because I was hoping that you would want the second, and save the first for later, because I don't want it easy. I want to feel you take me, to make me submit. I want that so much." At her words he flipped them over and feasted on her lips, his wolf slowly coming forward to change in stages. For everything she had just said he still didn't want to scare her and neither did his wolf. He took her legs and spread them wide, and then he pulled her up until she was nearly folded in half. As she watched he dove into her pussy and chewed on her lips, taking as much of her nectar as he could. His wolf wanted a taste as well and before he could even think to reason with him he leapt forward and took over. Miranda watched with lust as her handsome wolf changed above her. His face changed and lengthened, his shoulders becoming broader, he even seemed to gain some height. Although that could have been just the angle that she was folded into to make it seem that way. He freshly grown fur, as dark as the hair on his head, brushed her legs and buttocks as he moved, making her feel like she was pressed against soft down. He had fully changed to his wolf this time and she was in awe at the sight of him. But all that vanished as his long tongue slid up her slit. The raspy feeling more than she could have imagined it would have felt and sent her pleasure soaring higher. Leland growled into her moist depths. Her taste saturated his senses and imbedded there in his mind and he would never forget this taste. He heard her low growls and his long ears twitched to hear more. He thrust his tongue deeper and she began to move her hips to meet him. His snout pressed up against her clit and her movements caused it to rub hard and quick over it. When she roared her pleasure he pressed in tighter to her clit and thrust faster with his tongue wanting her to come, needing to heard her scream his name. A moment later he got his wish. "Leland!" she screamed as her body began to convulse and jerk wildly from the force of her orgasm. Her body was washed with wave after wave of pure animal pleasure. As she began to calm down she felt him withdraw his tongue from her sensitive pussy, then she gasped in surprise when she flipped her over and pulled her to her knees. Miranda looked back as she again moved her hair out of the way and waited for her mate to take her. "Please Leland," she said as watched him hesitate. She could hear him wagging his inner war not to hurt her. She smiled a bit as she knew how much he loved her and wanted to please her. But she wanted this, need this from him. "I need you my love." Then she knew as he looked at her with his beautiful wolf eyes what she needed to tell him to make him understand. "I submit to you my mate; please take what's only yours." That moved him forward and he leaped up to hook his paws around her hips and had his cock at the perfect angle. He leaned forward and took her neck in his teeth, gently biting enough to hold on. When she moaned from the pleasure his bite gave her he thrust his cock deep inside her, stretching her wide as he wanted to be sure to get all of himself inside her. Her mind raced with emotion and sensation as her body craved more. He began thrusting fast and hard into her and she began growling again. She was sent into over drive when she suddenly felt his knot grow and force into her. She howled her pleasure as his thrusts changed and began to cum. She shook from head to toe as she came with him. Her belly felt full as his cum stayed inside her. When finally they calmed down his laid on her back for a moment and licked the moistness from her back. When she giggled from the way it tickled he grumbled with her. He changed back to his human form and moved them until they were laying down spooning. His knot firmly seated inside her for now. "I love you," she whispered sleepily. Leland let the words and the feel of her love wash over him and he nuzzled her neck. "I love you too," he said and snuggled her closer to him. "You're mine Miranda. I can't imagine a better life than this." Miranda smiled as she turned her head to look at his face. She could see his thoughts in her mind about forgetting the rest of schooling to spend his time with her. She couldn't allow that, he was so close to finishing and becoming a full nursing assistant. He deserved that title. "You still have to finish your internship," she said in no uncertain terms. "Now who has the unfair advantage," he said and chuckled. "Promise me Leland," she said and touched her finger to his lips to still his chuckling. It wasn't something to be taken lightly. "It's important for you to finish. And I would be so proud of you for getting your degree. Too many people think there will be time to do what they are meant to do and flush away the potential to be more, to do more in this world." "I promise you," Leland said as he pressed his lips to her temple, "I will finish and get my degree." "Thank you," she said and cuddled back into him and pulled his arms tighter around her. "Sleep now my love," Leland said. He knot was still firm inside her and he and his wolf both hoped that they had just filled her with their cubs. He heard her breathing slow and deepened; signaling that she was asleep. Her quiet breaths lulled him into his own deep sleep.  Miranda spent the next three days in what Alpha Draven had called wolf history boot camp. She felt as though she were in high school all over again. She was tested at the end of each day to see what she had retained from the lessons. The only thing that made her feel any pleasure during this time was when she was told that she understood everything they were teaching her. Alpha Junice had taken her on her fourth day to the dens common area and Miranda couldn't be more excited. She watched the interaction of the pack with each other. She was surprised at how quickly she began to recognize the members by name and by sight. During their lunch a few of the pack came over to talk with her. It amazed her at the openness and welcoming she felt from nearly everyone. She again noticed a small group of women had kept themselves separated from her, which also made her feel like she was back in high school. "Alpha Junice," she said as she watched them. "Why are they not as welcoming as the rest of the pack have been?" Junice looked up and over to the group then turned to Miranda, "I wouldn't worry about them Miranda. Those were just a couple of our females that were hoping Leland would pick them to be his mate. They'll come around in time." Miranda trusted her new Alpha Bitch, but she planned to stay away from them just to be sure. Then suddenly she felt as though Leland was touching her, teasing her. When she turned to look he wasn't there and she realized he was doing so through their bond. "Alpha Junice, where is Leland just now?" she asked as nonchalant as she could. His thoughts were getting her excited and she could feel the flush beginning to creep up her neck. Junice smiled as she saw the redness slowly rising up Miranda's neck. "He's in class right now I believe, and then he has three hours of internship to complete at the hospital." "Oh," Miranda said a little disappointed. She really wanted to retaliate for his teasing. But she was afraid that if she did he would fail his class or at the very least get him in trouble for indecent behavior. "Is he teasing you Miranda?" Junice asked already knowing that he was. How to answer without embarrassing herself? She looked at Junice and nodded. "Would you like me to tell him to stop?" Junice asked. "No," she said and looked up determinedly. "I should be the one to tell him that shouldn't I? I mean I am his mate, but there are times and places for this kind of thing right? Not that I don't love the way he makes me feel. But he should be concentrating on his work." "I totally agree," Junice said proud of Miranda. She waited as she watched Miranda mentally respond to Leland. When she smiled sweetly Junice knew that Leland was agreeing with her. To reinforce what Miranda had just done Junice also gave a quick poke in Leland's mind. "So what's next for me to learn?" Miranda asked as she pushed her plate away. "I think you need to start learning about the mating rites," Junice said and waited as one of the Omegas cleared away their dishes. Junice looked over to the women again that had separated themselves from Miranda's welcoming. It was time that they get over the fact that Leland had mated someone other than one of them. And she was not going to let this attitude of dismissal continue within her pack. Quickly the women stood and walked over to them. Miranda felt uncomfortable as they sat with her and Alpha Junice. They were all so beautiful and trim. Her insecurities began to creep up on her. She had to remember she was not that person anymore. She was where she was supposed to be. 'Miranda,' she heard Junice poke in her head. She turned and saw that Junice was watching her with concern. 'We are here for you. I love you like one of my own cubs. Please remember that I will always be here for you to talk to.' She felt Leland pick up her thoughts and he put in a few words of his own. 'My love I will be home in a few hours. We will talk again then. I love you. No one else can ever be as beautiful to me as you are.' Miranda smiled and felt so loved there wasn't any more room for her doubts and fears. The feelings were reinforced when Junice ran her hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her. Junice turned to the women, "Lacy, Carol, and Grace, this is Miranda. I'm sure you have learned who she is mated to." She waited as they acknowledged her. "Now I know you all have been a bit put back by the fact that Leland chose outside the pack." She waited as they began to shift in their seats, uncomfortable with the fact that their Alpha Bitch was calling them out. "The rites will be soon as with the full moon in two nights she will be shifting for the first time. Look at her," she said to them. As they did Miranda also began to shift in her seat. "Don't you see her wolf in her eyes already? Don't you see that she's already a part of our pack? I feel Miranda in my mind, in my heart, can't you?" All three women seemed to focus more on Miranda's eyes, and then one by one the expressions on their faces changed from one of reprimanded misery to awe. Their own eyes began to swirl as their wolves wanted to come out and play with their new pack member and get to know her. "Do you feel her yet?" Lacy wanted to know. "Do you know her thoughts?" Carol asked. "Do you think she'll have the same coloring as your hair?" Grace asked. All three women had asked their questions simultaneously and Miranda had to sort them out first. She was stunned at the rapid change of attitudes from them. She couldn't say that they were ever mean to her, they never were, but they more just ignored her. To have them turn and focus on her and really wanted to know her now was fascinating. And all it took was their Alpha Bitch to get them to see her. Laughing Junice stepped in, "We will all find out the answers in two nights. Until then I expect you to help in Miranda's education. There is still much she needs to know." "We will help my Alpha," they all chimed in. "Now if you'll all excuse me," Junice said as she stood, "I'm needed in the main offices. Miranda I'll see you again tomorrow morning to start preparing you for the rights." "Ok, thank you," Miranda said and followed the lead of the other women when they stood and bowed as she left. She understood that she had a grace period to where she was permitted these small lapses of not knowing when to bow to the alphas. Lacy, Carol and Grace moved to come near her and they finally nuzzled and petted her, getting to know her as all the others had done. "I'm so sorry Miranda," Carol piped up. "We let our jealousy get the better of us. We're not really like this. It was a shock when you came in with Leland." "I understand," Miranda said. "I can't blame you for wondering what Leland would want with someone like me." The women just stared at her not really understanding what she meant. "Can I ask what you mean by that?" Lacy asked. Miranda shook her head, "You don't have to step lightly around me; I know that I'm fat." "Oookay," Lacy said at length. "What's that got to do with anything?" she asked genuinely confused. The others also looked at her with confusion. Their wolves didn't care about such things. All they know is that they have a new pack mate. Someone's size never mattered, just that they would do the job they were destined to do in the pack. Grace took Miranda's hand and took her outside, the others followed them out. "What do you see out there Miranda?" Grace asked with a sweep of her arm. "The woods, a field just down the mountain," Miranda answered. When they had arrived four days ago she had tried to see everything at once. But she had little time since and had stayed in the den doing her studies. "It's more than that. It's nature, its life. Once your wolf makes herself known you won't care what you look like to anyone else. Leland doesn't care does he?" Miranda shook her head as the new knowledge sank in. "To be honest," Carol said stepping up closer, "We never looked at you that way either. All we saw was the woman that took Leland off the market." They all giggled at their own embarrassment. "Can you forgive us Miranda?" Grace wanted to know. "You mean you want to get to know me?" Miranda asked uncertain. They all nodded enthusiastically. "My god what a strange week this has been," when they looked confused she laughed at herself. "That's right you only know about Leland and I." She felt that if they truly wanted to get to know her then they should know what brought her and Leland together. As she explained it to them she saw their faces change in horror. As if they were all in the same frame of mind they surrounded her and enveloped her within their embrace. "Oh my Luna," Carol was quietly weeping, "Forgive us for our lack of insight." They knew now that what their actions must have looked like to her, just another rejection from people who didn't see her for herself. All three women looked at each other and they shifted to their wolves, their clothes falling from their bodies. They were spectacular to Miranda. Grace with her dark red fur that match her normal hair, Lacy's hair which was normally blonde actually took on a more golden look for her fur, and Carol was as close to a true jet black as Miranda had ever seen. Despair & Desire Ch. 03 Each of them tugged at her sleeves until she understood they wanted her to sit with them on the ground. Once she did they again surround her and nuzzled under her arms, cuddling her, comforting her. She felt a wave of warmth and acceptance coming from each of them. Before she realized what was happening tears were streaming down her cheeks, they were offering to be her friends. She'd never had any real friends before. Once they saw her tears they cuddled closer, pressing into her, and even in their wolf forms understood what she needed. She needed love and understanding, and the support of the pack. They whined as she released all her loneliness, and old pains. She knew she would never feel that again. She truly had a family again. The four of them stayed together the rest of the day, each of them giving Miranda as much knowledge as they could in preparing for the mating rites. What they couldn't answer they knew their alpha bitch could. That was how Leland found them as he entered the common area. It was like they have been friends their entire life. Their heads together over some paper they were intently writing on. Miranda felt him before she saw him. When she turned her face lit up like a candle and she stood to rush to him. "I missed you," she said and snuggled into him. He hugged her tight and buried his nose in her hair. "I missed you too." He tipped her head up and captured her lips in a fierce kiss. The males howled and whistled as the women giggled. Leland's hands traveled down her body and teased a moan from her. She felt his cock harden against her belly and she couldn't seem to care that they were in sight of everyone. She had learned about how open wolves are sexually and it appeared that her own wolf was beginning to make Miranda feel less on display. Her mate was with her and that was all she cared about. Leland began to drag her out of the common area and toward their rooms. He was starved for her more than he could have thought was possible. He had been only gone for five hours, but it had felt like days. Leland had felt her emotions as they developed through the day. She was up and down a number of times but all he felt from her now was her need for him. For the rest of the night he spent all his energy in making love to her slowly and sweetly. Showing her there was more than just the wolf instinct to mate. By the time they had snuggled together in exhaustion she was thoroughly pleasured and so much more in love with him that she couldn't worry about anything anymore. She knew where she fit.  At eight the next morning Leland was again in his classes, but today he didn't need to go the hospital for any intern hours. He was thankful for that as he knew Miranda was about to go through the lessons on the mating rites. He knew all the ins and outs of the rites, but as he hadn't found a mate until now he never was a part of the emotional bonding that occurred. Oh he saw it afterwards with a new mated couple, the elation and serenity that would come over the pair as they walked away. He felt everything she did, but he knew the rites would bring them a peace that would surpass everything that they were feeling already. They would be joined under Luna and she would see to their long and hopefully cub filled future. His teacher coughed and drew his attention back to the topic at hand. He was a member of the Draven pack and knew that Leland had only mated recently. Smiling with the knowledge he tried for a stern stare but couldn't hold it. He was happy for him. He knew very well the distractions that happened to a newly mated male having been there himself. Come to think of it he just may end class sooner. His own mate was entering her heat soon and any excuse was a good one for him to run back and be with her. Miranda sat quietly and listened with Lacy, Carol, & Grace as Junice explained the mating rites. The three women were to be her preparers. She and the others had quickly become close friends in the last twenty four hours. After she and Leland had returned to the common area for dinner last night the four women had begun talking and getting to know more about each other. Leland nearly had to drag her out to get more time with her alone. She was allowed to pick whomever she chose to help prepare her for the rites. It had seemed only right to have all three with her. Junice had said that there had never been more than one chosen before. At her distress at having to choose only one, Junice saw no reason for just one. In fact, as far as she knew there was no law stating she couldn't have three. When the women had walked in after being summoned they jumped with joy at being able to do so together. Now they all learned as to what their duties would be. To Miranda it sounded more like a human wedding. They would help her dress; pick out the spot in the clearing that would be there for the couple to join together. Alpha Draven and Alpha Junice would formally acknowledge her into the pack and approve of the mates, and ask for Luna to bless their union. But the last part was what threw her. In front of the entire pack Leland was to mate with her. So far every time they came together they were in their rooms. She wasn't so prudish that she wasn't aware of the fact that many of the weres often publicly showed affection, up to and including openly having sex. Everyone told her it was natural; and to not be afraid to show how much she loved her mate. But she was nervous just the same. "Do you have any questions Miranda?" Junice asked. "Why does all this have to happen under the full moon? It's the moon the same every day?" The women giggled, but a quick look from Junice silenced them. "The moon is at its most powerful when it's full. It's best under the light of the full moon to gain Luna's full grace. It shows her that we love and respect her, and know that she loves us back. She brings us peace during all our lives but we feel it more prominently during the full moon." "So you're saying I will feel Luna; that she's going to be there during our rites?" "Yes." "Why can't I feel her now?" "No turned human feels her right away," Junice explained. "Only after the mating rites have been performed, you will feel her. Don't worry Miranda; I know she will bless you and Leland. I already accept you, as does your new friends." "We'll take care of everything Miranda," Grace said and ran a hand down her hair. "You're going to blow Leland away when we're done preparing you," Lacy added. "She might not make it all the way to the joining stone," Carol giggled. "Leland might jump her first." Miranda felt heat rising in her cheeks at their teasing. And they started laughing out right. Unable to resist their obvious enjoyment of what was to come Miranda began to laugh with them. Junice stepped closer and they all quieted down. "I do have to say one thing," she said and had their attention. "I've never seen a friendship form so quickly. You four act as if you have been friends since birth." Lacy looked at her new friend and then back to her Alpha bitch, "I think part of it, at least for me, has to do with the shame I felt after Miranda explained what had happened. I have always had my parents, my friends, and pack mates." Carol and Grace nodded in agreement. Lacy turned to Miranda, "I see your wolf in your eyes. She's there waiting for the mating rites. I think she will be making herself know very soon after, we already know you will be shifting for the first time, but that normally takes hours, I don't think she will wait that long." "What makes you say that Lacy?" Junice asked. "I can feel it," Lacy said. "My Alpha can't you feel her?" Junice turned and looked into Miranda's eyes and felt her wolf jump to acknowledge her Alpha bitch. Miranda's eyes began to swirl with bright amber as her wolf jumped up in her mind. Miranda gasped at the sudden feeling of someone with her in her head. How long had her wolf been laying there silently waiting? She felt as though she had been depriving her from something, but didn't understand what it was. When Junice leaned in closer Miranda met her and took a deep breath through her nose and scented her Alpha Bitch for the first time. Miranda suddenly moved to the floor and rolled to her back, exposing her neck in submission to Junice. Her friends gasped at the move, it wasn't expected of her yet, only after her first change. Junice sent a thought to her mate to join them immediately then began to undress. Once naked she shifted to her wolf and watched as Miranda whimpered in the back of her throat. Junice felt no fear, only the need to submit to her Alpha's. Junice waited until Draven walked in. As he did he stood stunned at what he was seeing. Draven also disrobed and shifted. As he approached she whimpered again. Her eyes were full of trust as she watched her Alpha stand over her. A sudden growl erupted behind them and had all heads turning towards the door. Leland stood there confused as to why his mate was on the floor. Alpha Draven moved so he could see Miranda's eyes. When he did Leland felt his Alpha in his mind. 'Leland her wolf needs to submit. We can feel her already,' Draven told him. Shocked Leland walked over and waited. Gently and with utter care Draven took Miranda's throat in his teeth. He pressed down until he heard her whimper of submission and saw the joy in her eyes. He released her and Junice moved forward to do the same. Once she was released they both licked her face. Miranda laughed and impulsively reached out to hug them both. When they stiffened she quickly let go and backed away. Did she just do something wrong, something that wasn't allowed? They each have held her before, but that was under different circumstances. Seeing her fears Junice moved closer and nuzzled her, Draven followed and did the same. Leland helped Miranda stand and they waited until the Alpha's shifted back and dressed. "Draven I think we need to move the mating rites to moon rise. I don't believe Miranda's wolf will wait until the moon reaches its zenith." "I agree," Draven said and looked towards the other three women. "You'll have a tough job getting everything ready so soon." "We'll have everything done my Alpha," they all piped in. With that said they all jumped up and rushed out of the room, each of them intent on making this day perfect for Miranda. "Leland," Draven said as he turned to them. "I think its best that Miranda stay with them tonight." "Why?" Miranda asked. Keeping his thoughts closed from Leland, Draven moved closer to her and she heard Leland growl again as his arm moved to tighten around her. "Leland!" she scolded. This was their alpha and he dared to growl at him. Draven chuckled and stepped back. "It's alright Miranda. It was to show you that Leland's wolf is just as close to the surface as yours is. He won't be in control if you two stay together tonight. Any male that comes within two feet of you is in danger of being attacked." Miranda gasped at the thought. These were his pack mates. "It won't matter," Leland said as he realized his alpha was right. "Yes were already mated, but the rites haven't been preformed yet. Any male could challenge me for you." "Really?" she couldn't even think of another male. But she could be won from him, she could lose him. "No, I don't want anyone else." "Easy Miranda," Junice said seeing that she was becoming agitated. "There hasn't been a mating challenge in over two hundred years. I see no one willing to take on Leland for you." "Good," Miranda said and snuggled closer to Leland. "Why don't you two go spend some time together? Tonight we'll have you sleep with Lacy," Junice suggested. "That's a good idea," Leland agreed and led Miranda out of the class room and back to their rooms. Once they were alone Miranda leaned into Leland and licked his neck. More than she can remember since meeting him she needed his touch. Her wolf was circling in her head, wanting to join with their mate, but she couldn't get out yet. Miranda's mind swam with all her wolf's instinctive emotions and needs. Then she could suddenly hear a voice, distinctively lower then her own, but so similar she briefly thought she was thinking to herself. But then it was like having a conversation. Her wolf was telling her to take her mate, nearly begging to be let out so she could as well. "Leland," she whispered. Leland moved back to look at her and saw that her eyes were like seeing into two depthless pools of dark water. Her pupils had dilated so that the colors of her eyes were barely a ring around the center. He'd never seen that before. "Tell me what's going on Miranda," he said and held her tight. He wasn't sure if he needed to take her to the pack doctor or call the Alphas. But she was experiencing something that had snuck up on them. And he needed to know what it was. "I can hear her," Miranda whispered as if she were in a church, afraid to speak to loudly and bring on the wrath of the minister. "She wants to mate with you now. She wants out." Even Miranda understood that the rites were the only time that her wolf would be able to come out for the first time. But her wolf seemed to think that she could come out now if only Miranda would let her. 'I can't,' she told her wolf. "I can't, it's not the right time," she said out loud when her wolf insisted again. Becoming worried for Miranda, Leland quickly sent out a message to his Alphas and to the pack doctor. He didn't know what was going on inside Miranda with her wolf, but they had to get it under control. He'd never heard of anything like this in any of the other humans that had been turned by their mate. What was it about Miranda that's obviously different? Draven and Junice rushed into the room. "When did this start?" Draven asked as he turned Miranda to look at him. "As soon as we came in our rooms," Leland said. A moment later the pack doctor walked in. "Hello Miranda. I'm Kurt the pack doctor." He moved to get closer and Leland growled a warning. "Leland," Junice said and stepped closer. "You need to step back a minute. Let Kurt look at her." When he hesitated she pushed into his mind and pulled rank on him. Leland's head jerked around and he back up, releasing Miranda. "Miranda, come over and have a seat for a minute," Kurt said and led her to the couch. Once there he pulled out his pen light from his pocket and flashed it in her eyes. She flinched away as it hurt her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said gently pulling her back. With her pupils so widely open the light went into her corneas directly. "Just a second more," he said. He watched as her eyes just barely reacted. What worried him was that her eyes were staying wide and open. "Alpha," Kurt said and had Draven stepping forward. "Is she alright Kurt?" "We have to separate them now," he said and stood. "Oh no," Miranda jumped up and rushed to Leland, his arms came around her to comfort. "We just came here a few minutes ago. We haven't had any time to talk or be together before I have to stay with Lacy. Please, can we just have some time?" Miranda pleaded. "Miranda hold on a minute," Draven said and walked out with the doctor. He trusted his mate would see that Miranda's wolf would stay in check. "So tell me why I have to separate them now." "Her wolf is trying to take control now; if they stay together I feel that her wolf will surface. If that happens then she may not be able to shift back to her human form; her wolf will be the dominant personality. From what I see and feel from Miranda her wolf wants to mate, which is normal, but she's impatient with it and if they stay together alone she won't hesitate to take over. If Miranda is going to have any control over her wolf then she needs to be away from Leland until the mating rites." "Ok, sweet Luna," Draven said on a deep sigh. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and looked back at the new mates. This was going to be a very hard night for both of them. He knew if Miranda's wolf came out early, and without the blessing from Luna, her life would change even more drastically then she had ever imagined it would. He had to do this to protect her; she was a part of his pack now. Nodding to his mate and then at Kurt he walked back to Leland and Miranda. "I'm sorry Miranda," he said as gently as he could, "You'll have to go stay with Lacy until the rites tomorrow." Miranda's grip tightened around Leland's waist. "What's wrong with me?" she asked. She finally found what she wanted, what she needed, and she was making some sort of mistake already. Would they kick her out of the pack over this? "Nothing," Leland told, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you Miranda. Look at me," he said and tipped her head up to look in her eyes. "We will be having the mating rites; you are a part of me. If our Alpha asks this of us then there is a reason for it." "Let me explain," Draven said and laid a hand on both their shoulders. "Your wolf wants to mate with Leland," he said looking in Miranda's eyes. When she nodded he continued, "You know it's too soon for that. She must wait for the mating rites. The fear we have is that if you are alone with Leland she may try to come forward and take control. If that happens before the full moon, and before Luna's blessing your wolf will be the dominant personality. You wouldn't have control over her Miranda; she would have it over you." "How did this happen?" Leland asked. Kurt stepped forward, "When you mated her when she was still human she was already submissive to you. From what she was going through her mind was ripe for her wolf. Her actions earlier showed that Miranda is in danger of being just as submissive to her wolf." "I shouldn't have touched her so soon, we should have waited to mate," Leland looked at Miranda, "This is my fault." "Leland," Junice stepped up to them and mirrored her mates touch on them. "It's no one's fault. You are a normal feeling Were just as the rest of us are. You would not have mated when you did if she had not wanted it as well. You love each other; it's natural to want to mark your mate." "But..." "No Leland," Junice squeezed his shoulder, "There's no fault in either of you." "So what do we do now?" Miranda asked. She heard her wolf speak up. 'Don't let them separate us from our mate. We love him, we need him. Please!' "My wolf is upset. She doesn't want to be separated from Leland." Junice turned towards Miranda and looked into her eyes as she had done before. A wave of concern and trust flowed from her to Miranda. Miranda stood and stared as her wolf seemed to calm down and back away and then lay down for her Alpha bitch. "What did you just do?" Miranda asked. "Your wolf will always obey your alpha's Miranda," Junice said rubbing her arms. "Now I'm going to have Lacy come and take you to her rooms." "Leland," Draven caught his attention, "You'll have a few minutes until Lacy gets here. Why don't you two say goodnight now?" Miranda rush into Leland's arms as he turned and opened them to her then just held her tight to him. He leaned in and gave them both a kiss that would hold them until they were together again tomorrow night. His mind touched hers and caressed her thoughts as though it were her body. Miranda responded with everything she had, her heart nearly bursting with the love she had for him and that she felt from him. "Miranda," Junice's voice whispered. Reluctantly they ended their kiss, but Miranda snuggled into his chest. Just one more minute, she thought, I just need one more minute. Lacy came over and ran a hand down Miranda's hair. "It's just one night Miranda," she said gently. "Beside's we'll be so busy preparing for the rites that you won't even know where the time goes." Despair & Desire Ch. 03 Miranda smiled at Lacy and looked up at Leland. "I'll be there waiting for you," he said kissed her quick and sweetly. "And I'll come to you ready to fully be yours," she nuzzled his neck and took as much of his scent with her as she could. "Tomorrow my love," Leland said and reluctantly let Lacy draw her away. The rites could not come any faster for him. Despair & Desire Ch. 04 True to her word Lacy made sure Miranda was too busy to think about not being with Leland. After taking her from Leland, Lacy led her down to her own rooms and started fitting her with her mating dress. It wasn't white like she thought it was going to be. But a pale baby blue that Lacy stressed would bring out her skin coloring and make her seem more like she would be glowing. "Trust me," Lacy said as she turned Miranda to the mirror. "Leland will love you in this." Miranda looked and just as Lacy said, it seemed the dress floated around her body. Her curves that she normally would hate to look at made the dress look more angelic. As she stood staring at herself Carol and Grace walked in. "Wow," Carol said and stepped up behind Miranda. "I was right. Leland might not be able to wait for you to walk to him. You look so beautiful Miranda." Tears started in Miranda's eyes and slowly moved down her cheeks. She never felt like she was beautiful, even after these last few days with Leland. Yes she felt loved and cherished now, she knew Leland thought of her as beautiful, but she hadn't thought of herself that way and never really believed she could see herself this way. But here she was, looking into the mirror and seeing someone she didn't know existed. "Oh Miranda," Grace said and took her to a chair. Then she cuddled her. "What is it?" "How did this all happen?" Miranda said as she burrowed into Grace's shoulder. "How is it possible that I am only hours away from mating and finding you all, and mostly how did I become that beautiful woman in the mirror? She wasn't there just a week ago." Concerned Lacy and Carol came over to help, just touching and reassuring her. "You are beautiful Miranda," Lacy told her. "You always were. You just didn't see it. What you were going through clouded the way you see yourself. I'm so happy you can now see who you really are." Miranda turned her watery gaze to Lacy and smiled. "Thank you for being here for me," she looked at each of her new friends, "All of you." They wrapped her up in a protective hug between them and showed her how much they supported her. "Now let's get you prepared Miranda," Carol said and had her stand with her, wiping away her own tears of joy. Together they walked Miranda through what she needed to know. Going step by step until she felt she could do the entire mating writes in her sleep. As the night wore on she began to tire. Seeing this Lacy took her to her guest bed and had her lay down. Within minutes Miranda was sound asleep and her dreams were filled with loving Leland and seeing her children playing. Leland tossed and turned in what he now thought of as their bed. She wasn't here and his wolf was agitated that he was alone and their mate was still so close. The thought of it made him want to sneak out and go to Lacy's rooms. But he and Miranda had agreed not to see each other until the time was right. Control over your wolf was the most important life rule. Without that control her wolf could inadvertently alert the humans of their existence. No it was better this way; he trusted his alphas to know what was best for them. But that didn't mean he couldn't still want her with him, need her touch as they slept together. Soon; he reminded himself, it would all be worth it. Now all he had to do was to get some sleep so that he could be at his best for Miranda. With that thought he turned and closed his eyes. Once sound asleep he began to dream of his loving Miranda and watching their pups play. Miranda was coaxed awake by Carol, her hand gently petting her hair as she whispered to her. "Miranda," she said as she continued to try and wake her gently. "Honey it's time to start getting you ready." "What?" Miranda asked groggily. She couldn't remember ever being this unaware before. "What time is it?" "Just after five in the afternoon," Carol said. Miranda bolted up in the bed. "How could it be five? I just went to sleep a minute ago." She twisted to look at the bedside clock. Just as Carol had said it was after five in the afternoon. The sun was beginning to set when she looked at the window. "Why did I sleep for nearly thirteen hours?" Carol's face turned a little guilty, "The pack doctor had us slip you a sleeping pill last night." Though she knew Miranda may be angry she couldn't tell a lie either. "What?" Miranda screamed, "How dare he; what did the alphas have to say about this?" But of course she knew that answer to that. Her wolf was posing a threat to her sanity. But still damn it, she had the right to know before the decision was made for her didn't she? Carol seeing that Miranda was becoming even angrier she sent a message out to the alpha bitch. Miranda jumped out of bed and grabbed her clothes. She would just have a word with the doctor herself. Drugging her was unacceptable. "That's not a wise choice Miranda," Junice said as she stepped in the room. "He had no right to make that choice for me. I should have been asked first." "Yes," Junice agreed, "But then your wolf would have seen to it that you would not have been able to feel the effects of the drug had you chosen to take it. She would have suppressed it knowing that you would be weak for it. Then during the mating rites she would have the upper hand. Your wolf, as we are beginning to understand, wants to be the dominant personality. You have to be stronger than her in order to keep control. To be stronger you needed your sleep." It was a simple solution that she would have overlooked herself. By sleeping as long as she did Miranda felt re-energized and alert. She would be stronger, and she would win the right to be with Leland. Squaring her shoulders Miranda stood straight and looked Junice in the eyes, "I am going to win this fight over my wolf, and Leland and I will mate tonight." The light of her resolve shone brightly in her own eyes. Carol smiled and Junice nodded. "Now let's get you dressed and your hair done," Carol said and led her out of the room. Two hours later as the moon slowly rose to its zenith Leland paced by the mating alter. He hadn't been able sense her all day, and he had become increasingly agitated by it to the point that, despite her friends telling him she was alright and sleeping, he headed down to Lacy's rooms. He was cut off by Alpha Draven half way down the hall and then he was told of her being drugged to sleep deeply. And that was why he couldn't sense her. The reasons were all the more reasonable to him once he calmed down enough to hear them. He paced around the mating alter once more. Where was she? Did she change her mind? Was something wrong? Every scenario raced through his mind as he waited for her to arrive. The moon would be at its zenith in just a few short minutes and she wasn't...then he smelled her. He head whipped around as she rounded the last tree. Her three prepares guiding her along the path. His wolf nearly surged forward at the sight of her. She moved as though her feet never touched the ground. He face glowed with her bright smile at seeing him. As she walked to him her gown flowed out and around her as though it was only a whisper. He wanted to touch her, but also feared that she would vanish if he tried. So he waited until she was face to face with him and only a foot away. "You look so beautiful Miranda," Leland said as he held out a hand for her. "You look as you always have," she said and saw the question spring into his eyes, "You look like my only love and my future." Leland smiled and pulled her closer. Just as he was about to lay his lips on her he felt a tap on his shoulder. When he looked his alpha was there smiling at them. "Not yet Leland," he said simply and turned to stand by the alter. Grinning like a school girl she turned as she had learned to face her new family. The entire pack was present to watch as she and Leland would mate but more to watch as Miranda turned for the first time. There was no doubt that she would be able to. Her wolf was even now pacing and circling in her head, waiting for the right moment that she would be blessed and allowed to come out. Her wolf understood now that she was not to be dominant, but she didn't care, she would be with her mate and that was all she ever wanted. Alpha Draven was joined by his mate and Alpha bitch Junice. Together they turned and addressed the pack. "We welcome Miranda into our pack, as daughter, sister, cousin, friend, and mate to our Leland. Any who wish to challenge either Leland or Miranda's rite to mate must step forward now." Draven's voice rang with command. Miranda held her breath as she waited for anyone to challenge Leland for her. But no one did, as no woman did for her right to Leland. All she saw was their heads nodding to move forward with the mating. Draven turned to them, "As no challengers have stepped forward you are free to mate. Leland, do you vow to protect Miranda, to provide for your pups if you are so blessed?" "Yes my alpha," Leland said as he turned to look and smile at her. "Miranda," Draven said as he looked at her, "Do you vow take up the home of your mate, and to provide and protect for your pups if you are so blessed?" Her eyes swimming she looked at Leland and said, "Yes my alpha." "Do either of you wish to say anything before the mating blessing?" "Yes," Leland said as he watched Miranda. "Miranda, the first day I saw you, I knew there was no one else for me. You are my heart, my soul, and my life. As much as I know and feel you on this human level, my wolf wants just as much. I will be there to protect you and love you for the rest of infinity." Tears threatened to spill over in her eyes but Miranda was determined to show him how strong she could and will be for him. "Leland in the beginning my only thought when I saw you was how can this wonderfully generous man be interested in me? But you showed me there was more in this life then just what it seen on the outside of people. I've loved you from the moment you set foot in my room and I will love you for the rest of infinity." "Luna, please shine down your blessing on this mating as they stand here before you," Draven said as he raised his arms to the moon. "They have each voiced their love and commitment to each other. They are and always will be your servants." A bright light shot out of the moon and washed the couple in its glow. Miranda felt a touch in her mind as though she was being kissed on both cheeks. A feeling of love and warmth flooded her body. When she turned to look at Leland he was also standing in awe of the light and Miranda knew that they had just received Luna's blessing. As the light thinned and then left them the Alphas moved forward. "You have received the blessing of Luna, and you are accepted by the pack as our newest member," Draven laid a hand on each of their shoulders. "Now the mating can begin." As the alpha's moved away Leland and Miranda turned to each other. Slowly Leland brought her hands up and kissed both palms. "Are you ready my love?" he asked her. "I am more than ready," she said smiling. With that she stepped back and reached up and back to the ties that held her dress to her body. She pulled on one and the dress slipped from her shoulders and down, kissing her skin as it descended and left her gloriously bare for him and all to see. The nerves she thought that she would have at being here and naked in front of so many people that could see her true size, never entered her mind or her heart. This wasn't about the human ideas of beauty, this was nature, it was instinct, and more it was about their love for each other. Leland's breath left him as she stood there waiting for him to claim her. His wolf barely understood that he had to wait a moment longer as her wolf needed to come out first. Miranda knew from her classes that there would be pain the first time she changed. But as her wolf came forward in her mind she seemed to be talking to her, telling her what to expect so that Miranda was not surprised at each new sensation. First her eyes changed, a bright golden glow stared out at Leland. Then she heard her arms began to lengthen and her bones cracking and she began to crouch down. Her legs seemed to buckle and her knees bent to the natural angle of the wolves' hind legs. Fur began to sprout out all over her body, a dense rich chocolate brown with hints of white around her eyes and down her now elongating muzzle. Her ears lengthened next and she felt as though she could hear every gasp, every whisper the crowd made as she finished her transformation. Her tail came last, growing to near the same length of her body, its rich chocolate color tipped in the white like her muzzled. She looked down to see her hands had changed to two massive paws. She looked up to see Leland watching in awe and love. Her tail twitched and she moved to him and pressed up against his legs. Then she smelled his arousal. It radiated from him in waves that she deeply breathed in. She looked up again and felt his excitement through their bond. 'Leland it's time,' she said to him and he nodded. He quickly shed his own clothes and with more experience changed in a moment to his wolf, where as her change had taken nearly fifteen full minutes. 'When will I be able to change that fast?' she asked him. 'Soon my love, you will only get faster now that you know what to expect and how to do it.' When Leland moved to sniff her she turned her head and nipped his ear. The growl she got from him was rewarding and made her want to play. So when he went again to sniff her again she stepped back and barked. 'Ah, feel like playing do we?' he asked her. When she waged her tail and leaned down; he grumbled with his wolf laughter. He stepped up to her and she side stepped and ran around behind him, as she did she nipped his hind leg. He growled, not from the nip, but from the pleasure at seeing her so happy. And so began the chase around the alter. She would evade him as he would lurch forward. Just as he thought she would be ready for him, she would race to the opposite end. They had played this game for ten minutes before he realized how avid the pack was watching and the alphas quietly chuckling. He looked back at Miranda and saw amusement and love shining in her eyes. 'Enough playing my love,' he said and turned fully toward her. 'You will submit.' 'Make me,' was her simple answer. Challenged now, he stalked closer to her. As she backed away she saw his eyes change to a fierce feral glow. When she moved to go right he blocked her, when she shifted to jump up on the alter; he beat her there first. Uncertain which way to go she turned to run, but found that to be a mistake as he jumped down and grabbed her neck in his massive jaws. When she attempted to pull away he only tightened his hold. Still thinking a bit like a human she turned her eyes to meet his, when she was confident that she had his attention, she brought her tail around and flicked it over his sensitive wolf balls. His grip loosened and she was able to free herself quickly. Surprised Leland growled. 'Good one Miranda. But don't think that would work twice.' 'I told you to make me, you have yet to do that my love,' she said back. 'I will have to try harder then now won't I?' He fainted right and she went left, as his head whipped around to grab her neck once more, she let her legs slide down to the ground and crawled quickly under him. As she did she nipped his belly. He yelped in surprise and growled with a menacing tone. Miranda had never had so much fun, or had been as aroused as she was now. She hoped that each time she changed they would find the time play like this. But in a move she hadn't seen coming he rolled over her crouched body and pinned her down, his canines' coming down to grab and hold the scruff of her neck. It had happened so fast that she couldn't evade or fight back. As she tried to move he would only tighten his hold on her and slightly shake her, never once putting too much pressure as to hurt her. She then realized it was time for her to submit, and he did as she said, he made her. Miranda whimpered softly in her throat and relaxed under him. Now all she wanted was to feel him mount her, to have his massive wolf cock slide into her for the first time in her wolf form, the anticipation growing inside her to the point of pain. 'Now my love,' she told him. 'Do you submit to me Miranda?' he asked. 'Yes, you are my mate,' she answered. Leland was so excited by her, and by their play he needed no time to wait for his cock to lengthen, he was fully extended and ready to mount his gorgeous mate. He shifted to line up his cock, he tail twitched out of the way, and he plunged into her, nearly burying his full length in one stroke. The heat from her cunt nearly wiped his mind of everything. She was so wet and so tight and he could swear he felt her throbbing increase as he held himself still for a moment so she could adjust to his invasion. Miranda needed no time to either, she was more than ready for him to take her, what she wanted was the fabulous friction that only his cock could create, the love that only his heart would give and she would return. She wrapped her tail around his hind legs so as to caress him and that spurred him forward more. The sensation of this type of animal mating was amazingly addictive. She could easily see her and Leland doing this every morning, every day, every night. 'Leland please,' she said as he continued to press forward. 'More, I need more.' 'You will have more my love,' he said and slid back. When she whimpered at the loss of him he thrust forward harder than the first time. 'Yes,' she growled and began to pant. 'Do you like that Miranda?' Leland asked. 'Oh yes,' she said and thrust back to meet him on the next stroke. 'I need you harder my love. I'm not fragile. Fuck me!' Once hearing that Leland hooked his paws over her shoulders and began to pound as hard as he could into his luscious mate. He had never felt this level of pleasure before. All too soon he felt his knot begin to grow. Miranda felt it hitting the opening of her cunt and she knew what to do. She pushed back as hard as she could as he thrust forward. She howled as his knot seated inside her tying him to her. His thrusts changed from his frantic deep thrusts, to a staccato beat inside her. He never lost his rhythm, and as she began to feel her orgasm come closer to the surface she felt his cock swelling. 'Cum with me my love,' she begged, 'Fill me with our pups.' Leland lost it. His cum shooting out of his cock in such force that she felt it in her womb, as he did her orgasm took her and rocketed through her whole body. As they came they both howled out in pleasure. The pack responded with howls of their own. The mated changed and took each other, the non-mated found partners and began to have sex in both wolf and human forms. Some mixed pairs, one staying in their human form while the other in their wolf. Upon seeing this Miranda turned and saw the alphas as well were taking part in this mass orgy. It only served to heighten her arousal. Though she had just had the most amazing orgasm of her life she wanted more. The up side of being tied to Leland was that he didn't lose his erection while his knot was still swollen. She moved under him, thrusting back to get him deeper inside her. 'Still hungry are you?' Leland asked as he thrust forward to meet her. 'God yes, don't stop fucking me until I can't stand anymore,' she begged. 'It will be my pleasure,' he said and did as she had asked. He made her cum four more times before her legs gave out. Each time he filled her again and again with his potent sperm. And each time she prayed that he just impregnated her. Now that they were fully mated she had only that desire. To be taken by him every chance they got and to have his pups. Despair & Desire Ch. 04 Leland moved them to a comfortable position as they watched the rest of the pack begin to calm down. They alphas had finished before them and had waited for them to calm down. Alpha Draven moved forward, and gently told her what he was going to do, that it was tradition and not meant to be sexual. Once he felt that she was ok with it, he leaned forward and licked her cunt at the point where she and Leland were tied. Though she knew it wasn't intended to be sexual, she still felt a rush of arousal zip up her spine. Then Alpha Junice came over and followed her mates' actions. Again Miranda reacted. Miranda's mind flashed back to her classes and she remembered that this was how the wolves would get to really know her, and would be able to know who she was mated to, as well as who Leland was mated to. But in the classes they never told her how to fight this need to have Leland begin thrusting again. As each pack member came forward she would whimper in delight as their tongues would move over them. She felt Leland doing his best to stay still as well, 'I need to fuck you so much,' he grumbled in her mind. 'And I need you to as well,' she said back, 'Just a few more my love. But I have a question," she said. 'What's that?' 'Can we change back to our human form this time?' 'My knot has nearly subsided, but if this keeps up much long I won't be able get it down enough to change back.' Miranda looked and indeed the line of pack members had thinned down to the last five. 'Only five more,' she told him. 'Thank Luna,' he said reverently. As the last of the pack members licked their sex and then moved back, Leland pulled out of Miranda. A rush of his cum ran out of her. Miranda watched as Leland changed back to his human form, again her transformation taking much longer. So was exhausted and laying in a heap. Her need to be fucked once more had been washed away by the change, now she couldn't even move her arms let alone try to have Leland just once more. Seeing this Leland's arousal died at his fears rushed forward, did he hurt her? Was something wrong? Having never been around a freshly turned human before; he didn't know what to do next. Alpha Draven stepped up to them and knelt down to take her face in his hands. Turning her head he looked in her eyes. "Leland take her back to your quarters, she's exhausted. This was a lot to handle in one go." "You're sure that she will be alright?" he asked his alpha. His worry doubled at how she felt as he gently picked her up. She was as limp as water. "Yes," Alpha Draven assured him. "She just needs some rest." "Thank you my alpha," with that Leland carried her back. She was asleep before they reached the compound. When he entered their quarters he kicked the door closed and then took her back to their bed. He enjoyed thinking of it as their bed, their quarters. As he settled her under the sheets he realized that this is what he had been missing, that this completeness and fulfillment was what he had always needed. Yes he would finish his schooling, but for her now. For the promise he made to not quit. When he moved to settle in beside her she moaned and cuddled closer. "Leland," she said quietly. "Shh," he said and smoothed her hair back, "Sleep my love. You've had a very long night." "I know," she whispered, "I just wanted to say how much I love you." "I love you so very much Miranda," he said and wrapped his arms tight around her. "We belong together." "Yes," she agreed and turned so she could slip her arms around him as well. "I know now where I have always belonged, and it is here with you and the pack." She yawned and snuggled into him as close as she could get. He buried his nose in her hair and just breathed in her scent as deeply as he could. "Leland," she said in a sleepy tone. She was drifting but she had one more thing to say. "I felt your seed take hold. I'm pregnant." "What?" shocked and excited, he sat up and pulled her up to see her eyes. Laughing now, Miranda took his face in her hands. "We are going to have our pups sooner than either of us thought it would happen. I prayed during our mating that you would give me our pups tonight. Luna must have heard me, because I felt it. The moment it happened I knew." "I need to get the doctor," he said switching to panic. "He has to make sure you are alright. Do you want anything? Some water?" Laughing she pulled him back to her when he moved to stand. "I only need you Leland. I don't need the doctor yet, and I'm not thirsty. Just hold me; that's all I need." Leland laid her back down and he pulled her into his arms again. Was it possible that only a week ago he wasn't even aware of her? But now here they were, mated and expecting pups. "I love you," she whispered as she began to drift off to sleep. "And I love you," he said back and content, began to drift with her. "We'll tell everyone tomorrow." " Mm mm, ok," she agreed and let sleep take her. Falling fast after her Leland thought, this is what life was meant to be. Now and forever, they would be happy and loved. The End