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A Touch of Lunacy

By: c_kitten



Katherine ran through the woods, the branches whipping her body. Stumbling, she scrambled into a tree hollow and listened for her pursuer. Straining, she heard the wind rustling the leaves and crickets chirping in the night. Would it be safer to hid here, or continue running? How far was it to the road? A twig snapped nearby and Katherine pushed to her feet and continued running, not sure she was even going in the right direction.

Between the tree, she saw a flash of light zoom by. Her aching muscles protested, but she pushed them onwards. If she could get to the road, she'd be alright. Never mind that it was a road in the middle of nowhere and that another car wouldn't pass for maybe another thirty minutes. A car might pass sooner. A state trooper might pass by. She clung to the thousand possibilities of rescue her mind made up as she ran towards the road.

She felt something hit her back and fell forward. The wind knocked out of her, she lay there dazed as something crawled over her, sniffing. 'Great,' she thought, 'I traded a psychopath for wild animal.'

Claws pressed against her back as it stood, pressing its weight to hold her down. She glanced over her shoulder and nearly fainted, seeing the huge canine head peering down at her. Katherine hadn't thought wolves were native to the area. She frowned as she felt hands roaming down her back, then froze as it dawned on her that it had to be some kind trained dog that psychopath had.

She was rolled onto her back roughly, and she screamed. A huge creature, shaped almost like a man, covered in fur with a wolf's head was standing over her. It snapped at her and she choked on her screams. Satisfied with her silence, it continued sniffing its way down her body. She nearly fainted again when she saw the beast's erection.

Without thinking, she kicked with all her might, hitting it right in the balls. It howled in pain as she scrambled to her feet and ran to the road. She stumbled climbing up to the road and nearly cried in relief when she saw a truck coming down the road. Katherine waved her arms widely and stood in the middle of it's path.

"Ma'am, was that your car I saw back there with a flat tire," the driver asked, hopping out of the truck. "Did you go for a run in the woods, or what?" She almost started babbling about werewolves, but decided a little editing would be better on her part and just started before things turned paranormal.

"Yes, I broke down and this man pulled up and asked if I needed help. He dropped off his passenger and said he was going to go into town to keep the mechanic from closing up shop and going home for the night while his friend would help me put the doughnut on. But the guy was crazy. He pulled out a knife as soon as the truck was out of sight and I've been running for more than an hour in the woods with him chasing me. Do you have a cell phone? We need to call the police."

"Just calm down for a second. Get in the car, ma'am. We don't get cell phone reception out here. The town's twenty minutes ahead. I know the owner of the diner and she'll take care of you while we get a hold of the police. Can not believe how crazy some people can get."

Katherine climbed into the passenger side and started shaking slightly. The driver, a kind looking man in his late forties, handed her a jacket that was really too big for her, but Katherine was grateful. It wasn't long before they pulled up to the diner and climbed out.

"Judy, can you set this girl up with some coffee. She's had a rough night. Has Joe stopped by for his burger yet?" Katherine glanced at the woman behind the counter. Her hair was gray, but she didn't have a single wrinkle. Judy moved from behind the counter and started fussing with the girl.

"Poor child. Here, I'll set you up with a meal. We make the best chicken fried steak in the state. Come round to the back. There's a cot that you can nap while I make you food."

"I need to call the police. There's a crazy running around in the woods."

"Now don't you worry a thing. Joe's a trooper that stops by every night for a burger and coke. He's a little late tonight, and thank goodness for that, child. Don't you fret none. When he gets in, I'll tell him we have an issue.

"My mama had this tea blend that was good for soothing the nerves. Would you like some? Coffee will just keep you wired and you don't need that, child. You're like a piano wire 'bout ready to snap. I'm going to get you a cup, child. There's a blanket on the cot if you want to wrap in it."

Judy left her in the backroom and Katherine sat in a daze on the cot. Glancing around, it looked like a pantry with an office wedged into the back. Judy was back in a second with a tray full of food and a mug with steamy tea. After fussing a bit more over Kathereine, Judy bustled out to the front.

The food was good, and after a few sips of the tea, she started to feel sleepy. She set the tray on the floor and curled up on the cot, drifting into sleep.

"You need to talk some sense into him. This makes the fourth time this year. It's going to attract attention, all these pretty little things going missing while passing through the area. We are up to our eyeballs in trouble and we don't need anymore." 

"You think I don't know that? He'd said he wasn't going to do it anymore."

"Well, that shows how much his word is worth, doesn't it."

"Judy, you don't want to be saying things like that to the pack leader's brother."

"Oh shush, Theo. I don't care if Joe runs home to tell Alex just what I think of him. This has to stop. He can't keep collecting playthings. They don't make the transformation or they go crazier than him and they have to be put down."

"Judy, he's had it tough since the nightwalkers killed his mate. He's trying to find a replacement. A pack leader is stronger when he has a mate by his side."

"And he's weaker when he's endangering the pack with this crazy nonsense. He isn't fit to be the leader. I know it's his birthright, but the pack comes before all that and you know it."

Katherine lay very still on the cot. They were right outside the door and she didn't want to draw any attention to herself. She'd never cared for those fantasy stories and it annoyed her to no end that she was smack dab in the middle of one. Moonlight was streaming in from an open window and Katherine decided it was her best escape route.

She had no idea how she managed to climb out without making any noise. It helped that the three were all but shouting at each other. She lowered herself out the window, keeping her eyes trained at the door. She screamed when she felt furry arms wrap around her.

"You really are the best I've found so far. I think I'm going to like you."

Sharp teeth bit deeply into her shoulder, her clavicle snapping painfully as the world went black.

A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 02



I'd never felt so cold and hot before in all my life. My head felt like it was boiling while the rest of my body was icy. I snuggled deeper into the blanket, wincing at the tinge in my shoulder. I knew I had a fever. I needed to get to a shower and cool down. Kicking off the blankets, I scooted to the edge of the bed and swung my feet over the edge.

My feet dangled. Frowning, I glanced around. My bed wasn't this high off the ground. Where was I? It was too dark to see anything. There was a crack of light near the floor and I hoped it led to the bathroom. I'd figure things out after I cooled down. Easing myself until I felt the floor beneath my feet, I slowly got up. I had my feet under me, supporting my weight, and took a step. I hardly realized what happened as I stumbled down onto the plush carpet. Head pounding, I crawled to the door and eased it open. The bright white tiles blinded me after the sudden darkness.

Whimpering, I lowered my head, letting my hair curtain over my eyes. I sat there, trying to adjust to the brightness. Holding onto the doorjamb, I pulled myself to my feet. I reached over to the pedestal sink and used it to support my weight as I moved into the bathroom. Slowly, I made my way over to the bath tub. Sighing, I sat on the edge and started turning on the water. I was shivering badly and wanted to sink into a nice warm bath.

Scolding myself, I turned on the cold water. Watching it fill, I tried to remember where I was. I'd been driving across state. My ex had called to tell me he'd found some of my stuff in the attic and I had a two days to get it before he threw it in the trash. It was one of his power plays, as usual. Like it was my fault I caught him in our bed with my best friend, the skank? Angrily pulling the nightdress off, I started lowering myself into the water, shivering.

Five minute later, I'd stopped shaking from the cold and glanced around for some soap. There was some body wash and a washcloth. As I started lathering, I glanced at the nightdress and frowned. I didn't own a nightdress. I had some baggy pajama pants and an old t-shirt to sleep in for the past three years. And the nightdress was satin. I'd never even owned anything made of satin. Who had dressed me?

I could hear a muffled argument coming from nearby. I heard something crash and an angry voice shouting. Something banged against the wall and I could hear growling.

I eased out of the tub, and started drying off. Still damp, I pulled on the nightdress and glanced around for something else to wrap around myself. There was a robe hanging on the back of the door. Satisfied that my modesty was as protected as it could be, I peeked into the bedroom. The argument was louder out here, and I followed the sound till I found another door. Pausing, I pressed close, hoping to find out what was going on.

"She's going to die like the rest of them. We should just kill her and let the poor thing stop suffering."

"Judy, shut up. You're not getting into the room."

"Donovan, that will be up to the council. You can not stand in the council's way. Judith has argued well about your honor being void. You had sworn that you would not take another girl."

"Elder, I had not. I'd sworn I'd stop chasing after every girl that looked like Melanie. This one has dark hair and gray eyes, and athletic. Melanie was softer, and blonde with brown eyes." I frowned at how soft his voice had gotten. It was familiar. My eyes widened as I remembered the voice whispering that he was going to like me. I pushed myself away from the door, knocking over a small table. Stumbling, I fell on the floor, but scrambled to my feet and looked for some place to hide.

"Are you awake, child?" I glanced up at an elderly man entering the room. Someone tried to follow, but the man shut the door firmly. "I suppose that is a silly question, otherwise you would not have been listening at the door. What do you remember?"

"I want to go home," I said firmly. The man clicked on a floor lamp and started righting the table I'd knocked over.

"It is not so simple. You've been sleeping for more than a month. The authorities have been searching the woods and finally declared you dead, though your parents were rather against that. Your ex-husband even showed up, which angered Donovan. If it wasn't for Judith wanting to break into your room, one can only guess what Donovan would have done."

I stood still, letting it sink in. My parents thought I was dead. My ex had even shown up, though I didn't know if it was to gloat or if he felt guilty. Taking a deep breath, I looked at the elderly man. "I want to go home, now."

"You had not told Theodore the whole of the matter, when he had found you on the side of the road. What had chased you in the woods? You and I both know it."

"A lunatic, that's all." The elderly man shook his head and waited for me to continue. He wanted me to say it, but I didn't want to. If I didn't say it, it'd be less real.

Something banged against the door and I backed away. "Fine! Werewolf. A werewolf had chased me. He..." My hand went to my shoulder. "He bit me." I felt cold and numb as I said it. Then angry. "He bit me!" I started to rush out of the room, determined to find the monster and kick him in the balls again. The elderly man easily grabbed my shoulders and held me in place.

"I suppose Donovan was right to say you are a fighter. By chasing and biting you, he's claimed you as his mate. Can you tell me what you think that means?" I tried to tug away from him, but he held me still.

"I'm not anything's mate. Let me go. I'm going home right now." Something banged against the door again. I knew it was that monster and I wanted to go out there and hurt him. Part of my brain was screaming that he'd rip me to shreds, but I didn't care. I wanted to hurt him more than I wanted to be safe.

"Child, stop for a moment. What do you think it means that Donovan chased you down, bit you, and has claimed you as his mate?"

"I don't know," I said, giving up for a moment. The elderly man was stronger than he looked. What was he doing here anyway? Who was he?

"Donovan is not a lone monster. He is the pack leader. There are many in his pack. Lycanthropy is passed from father to son, but women must be bitten to become a member of the pack, to become a werewolf." He looked me in the eye, willing me to make the connection that I didn't want to make. "The women are traditionally considered the mate of those who bit them."

"Let go of me right now. I am nothing's mate."

"By rejecting him, he has to chase you down again. If he catches you, he will not bite you. He will have sex with you, no matter your say in the matter. He will be angry and he will not be gentle. If you reject him, you will have to run the whole night. If you are untouched by morning, you will be free of his claim. If he does catch you, pack law means that the others will make sure you do not escape him. Do you understand?"

Rape? These monsters endorsed rape. This elderly man had to be one of them too. I pulled away and he let me go. He stood there, trying to look as nonthreatening as possible. Maybe he wasn't a threat right now, but he was still dangerous.

I took a few steps back and felt lightheaded. I felt my forehead and frowned that I was feeling feverish again.

"Please, get out. I want to be alone. My fever is coming back up and I need a bath to cool down. Please." The elderly man nodded and I could hear him telling Donovan to let me rest; that he'd put me through enough as it was.

I walked back to the bathroom, shivering a little. With the water filling the tub, I undressed again and sank into the chilly water. I closed my eyes and willed my body to stop shaking. I was about to turn the water off, when someone did it for me.

My eyes flew open and I knew it was Donovan. It was my first good look at him. My, he was tall and imposing. Black hair hung around his shoulders and his black eyes were staring into mine. He knelt down and dipped the washcloth into the water.

"If you lean forward, I'll wash your back for you." Dear lord, his voice was all deep and rumbling. I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my chest. His eyes followed the movement, and I blushed. He poured some body wash onto the cloth and looked at me as though he would kneel there all night until I complied.

"If I do, will you get out of here immediately after?" His lips twitched, as though there was a joke I didn't get.

"After I wash your back, if you still want me to go, I will." I rolled my eyes and sat upright, leaning forward a bit. He was gentle, massaging my back as he went along. I was angry that it felt good. I stiffened, resolved to not enjoy it. I was only doing this so he'd get out. And he continued slowly and gently massaging my back and shoulders.

His hands worked their way down my back into the water, massaging my lower back. His fingers traced up my sides, and I shivered at the feather light touch. He dipped his hands into the water and poured it over my head lightly. I tilted my head back to keep the water out of my face. It felt nice, I finely admitted to myself. But I wasn't going to tell him that.

"If you have no objections, I'll wash your hair." I was going to tell him to get out when he started massaging the shampoo into my hair. It sent goosebumps down my back and I nearly moaned. I realized that he was actually supporting my weight now and I wondered when I'd even leaned back towards him.

He tilted my head back and started rinsing my hair. When he'd dip his hand into the water, his fingers would caress my side lightly. Each time, he became a little bolder. Fingers traced over my belly, against the side of my breast. His hand grazed my nipple. I wanted to tell him to stop it, but I was tired and he was the only thing holding me up.

"You're about to fall asleep, aren't you?" I blinked my eyes open and looked up at him, not even remembering the last few minutes. I nodded and gasped as he easily picked me up. He sat me on a cushioned stool and dried me off. I struggled against the idea of letting him take care of me, but I was too tired. Part of me was screaming that he'd be angrier when I rejected him and that he'd stolen my life, but some dark little spot was happy to be taken care of, the part that had been hurt ever since I'd seen my ex and best friend together.

He carried me into the bedroom and tucked me into the bed. I was drifting into sleep as I heard him take off his clothes and climb into bed. As he pulled me into his arms, I couldn't remember having felt so safe, but my brain was screaming that it was all a lie.



A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 03



I rolled out of bed and yawned. I quickly showered, trying to get the smell off me. His smell was everywhere. I'd never noticed my sense of smell so potently before. He was never there when I woke up, but he always showed up at night and cuddled against me. I'd scoot away, but he'd just pull me closer. His scent was all over his side of the bed. I glared at my reflection. "My bed. All of it. He doesn't belong there. He doesn't have a side. The bed is mine."

I glanced at my upper arm. Bending close, I sniffed. Growling, I grabbed more soap and went back into the tub. I was not going to be cooped up in this stupid room smelling like that bastard. They wouldn't let me out. Why? Scared I was going to run to the authorities? Every day, that elder came in and explained that over the next year, I'd be going through a change; that, eventually, I was going to be a werewolf like them. I was going to ask that elder if I could just get out of the room. I'd accept an escort to make sure I didn't do anything, as long as the escort wasn't Donovan.

I stopped and punched the water in the tub. I wasn't going to call him by his name. I didn't know much about Stockholm syndrome, but if I held onto the anger and the facts that he'd stolen my life, I could get by. I continued scrubbing until I was red from the friction.

After getting dressed, I grabbed a brass candlestick and started one of my favorite activities. I walked to the door. It was a thick oak door with carvings of wolves howling to the moon and running through a forest. It'd been beautiful... until I found my favorite hobby.

Twenty minutes later, there were fresh dents over a wolf's face, bit of splinter scattered across the floor. I was raising my arm for another strike when someone hit the other side of the door, yelling me to stop whatever I was doing. Glaring, I gave an especially vicious wack, before I picked up a vase and threw it at the door.

"Maybe if someone would let me out of this room, I could do something more productive!" I picked up the candlestick and started hammering the door again. My arms were burning by the time I put the candlestick back and plopped down on the bed. I kicked the bedding off, wrenched open a window and tossed it out. I heard someone yell "hey" from somewhere below. I just yanked the window back down and paced the room. I considered punching whoever came through the door first.

"Katherine, may I come in?" I paused and looked at the door. I wasn't sure I wanted to punch the elder in the face. He'd been pretty decent, except for the whole keeping me in this room. Grabbing a vase of flowers I hurled it across the room, satisfied when the glass shattered, water and petals spilling everywhere.

"You can come in now." The elder unlocked the door and stepped inside. He frowned at the door, tracing his hands over the ruined carving. He moved further in, surveying the room. After a moment he sighed and settled onto the sitting area.

"I believe you're upset."

"Yes, and the sky is blue. How come he is allowed into my room? How come I have to deal with him trapping me in his arms when I sleep? I wake up and have to scrub the smell of him off me." Pausing, I sniffed my hair and threw it over my shoulder. "And I still smell him Am I going crazy?"

The elder paused and shook his head. "You're sense of smell is developing faster than expected. Yes, I can smell him off of you, even across from the room. He's the pack leader and declared that he will sleep beside you, swearing not to assault you." I started pacing back and forth angrily.

"This is my room. I don't want him in it!"

"Child, you do not have to raise your voice. This is your room, but this is his pack and this is his house. Perhaps, you should ask him to leave you alone, until the meeting." I paused and glanced at him. He watched me for a moment and motioned to the seat opposite of him. Sighing, I fell into the seat and leaned forward.

"The other elders have declared that we will have a meeting with you and the pack to discuss you're rejection of Donovan. It's going to be in three days, on the new moon. Everyone understands why you would reject him, but they want you to understand what may happen. I've been asked to leave everything until the meeting."

Twitching, I got to my feet and began pacing. "I want out of this room."

"Yes, I believe your constant attacks on the door, are an indication. But, you must understand that everyone is concerned."

"You can stick me with an escort. A whole cadre of them if you want. As long as none of them are that bastard that got me into this whole mess."

"That is a concern that is keeping you here."

"What do you mean?"

"Many of the men in the guard that would be ideal as an escort are... not mated. They would desire you. Fighting would break out and we need peace, after everything that the leader has put us through. Many want you to accept Donovan, believing that it would calm him; that he may regain his sanity."

"If I have to stay here one more day, I'm going to go crazy. Then, you'll have two nut jobs. I hardly think that's an improvement. One might say the exact opposite. Elder... do you have a name?"

"I was wondering when you would ask. I am Elder Samuel." He bowed his head forward.

"Why can't you escort me?" The elder blinked. He contemplated it for a moment, then nodded.

"I can't see anything objectionable to that. Perhaps you can meet some of the other pack members. It may improve opinion of you."

"Improve opinion? I've been kidnapped, my life ruined and they have a low opinion of me? Is it my fault that your precious leader is crazy as hell?"

"Katherine..." I rushed to the door and pulled it over. The man just outside of the door looked shocked. I didn't hesitate as I kicked him in the balls. As he doubled over, I slammed his face into my knee and started running down down the hall. My leg tingled from the impact. I wondered if his face would be bruised into my leg. I saw a pair of stairs and bounded down them.

People peeked out of doorways, and stared as I ran past. I saw a man out of the corner of my eye rushing at me. I turned towards him and as he about to pounce on me, I punched his throat, twisting my whole body into it. His eye bugged a little and he started choking and coughing. I worried a little that I'd done some serious damage, but tossed that aside. Fuck him. I'm not staying cooped up any more.

I ran to the door and nearly barreled into Donovan as he walked in. His eyes widened in surprise. I brought my knee up and hit him in the groin. He grunted but wrapped his arms around me tightly, squeezing me till I could hardly breathe. I stomped down on his instep and his grip loosened a little. Tensing, I smashed my forehead into his nose, wincing. That had always looked easier in the movies. Stars danced in the back of my head.

Breaking from his gasp, I punched into his stomach trying to put everything I had into it. Leaning back, I kicked him in the side and shoved him out of the way. I glanced around as he fell. Everyone looked a little shocked. I don't think anyone had ever bloodied their leader before. I caught movement and glanced down. He was getting up.

I ran out and forced my legs to keep moving. Several days of inactivity took their toll. I was winded and I didn't think I could go much further, but I wasn't going to stop. I'd rather my legs give out from under me before calling it quits. My lungs burned and I was quickly getting a stitch in my side. I forced myself to take deep breaths and let them out slowly as I ran. I couldn't hear anything except my blood rushing through my veins.

I felt myself tumbling forward before it registered that I was being tackled. "Get off me. I won't be in that room anymore. Let me go!" My face pressed against the dirt, I heard heavy panting. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Donovan pinning me down. I bucked, trying to throw him off. He growled deeply and pushed me harder against the lawn floor.

"Get off of me, you crazy bastard. That's another thing. Stay the hell away from me!" He pulled my arms back and gripped my wrists in one hand. My heart jumped into my throat. I hadn't realized how much bigger he was then me. I struggled, but he yanked my arms and twisted them painfully.

"Stay away from you? As I recall, you ran into my arms not twenty minutes ago." With his free hand, he pulled my hair, twisting it in his fist. My neck craned back as he tugged. He started licking my neck in slow strokes and nibbled on my ear. Chills ran over my skin.

"Get the hell off me!" I kicked my legs back, managing to kick him forward. I screamed as he kept the grip on my arms and he nearly wrenched them out of the sockets. Readying myself for the pain, I threw my head back, smashing into his face again. I hadn't realized that he'd kept a strong grip on my hair until I saw his fist full of my hair. He let my hair and arms go, using them to support his weight as he leaned over me.

I heard feet running up, people begging "Lord Donovan" to let me up. It annoyed me. They're all bastards. He growled deeply, snapping his teeth at them.

"She's mine."

"The hell I am," I shrieked. "I'm not a piece of meat to be fought over or anything. Let me go right now." I tried to push up on my arms, but he pushed me hard back to the ground, the wind getting knocked out of me.

"I'll give you a deal. Kiss me, like you mean it. I'll leave you be for a few days. I'll tell them to let you have free range of the land." He rolled me over onto my back and pressed himself against me from his groin to my chest. My eyes widened as I felt his hard-on. He leaned close to me and I only saw his eyes staring intensely at me.

"Agree? One kiss. I'll let you be and you'll get to go where you please."

"Donovan, this is not right." I glanced up and saw Elder Samuel standing over us. His voice was calm, but his face was angrier than any I'd ever seen. I wondered if that anger was towards me or Donovan.

"Get out of here, all of you. I'm not going to hurt her. Away, all of you," Donovan growled, his head whipping around to snarl at them. I hated it. I felt like a bone a dog was trying to claim, snapping at the other dogs to keep them away. I looked up and saw them retreating. Did him being their leader give them no backbone? They didn't agree with him, but a little snarling and menacing and they were all cowering. After a minute, they all left, Elder Samuel beingn the last and extremely huffy about the whole thing.

"Fuckin' cowards," I muttered, glaring at their retreating back. Donovan's mouth quirked up, a smile that quickly disappeared as he looked down at me. My eyes widened. He had to have a broken nose and there was blood all down his mouth and chin. He sat up, touching his fingers to the blood.

"Yes, definitely a fighter," he murmured as he licked the blood from his lips. He ripped off a sleeve from his t-shirt and wiped the blood from his face until he was satisfied that he'd gotten himself as clean as he could.

"So, I believe you're name is Katherine. I just realized I'd never properly introduced myself. I'm Donovan of the Moon Claw pack, Alpha wolf and leader of the pack. I believe it's been made clear that you're my mate."

"I'm not!" A muscle twitched in his jaw. A part of my brain was screaming not to piss off the crazy guy basically pinning me to the ground.

"Twice, you've run away, and twice I've caught you. If you reject me, the scenario's just going to be played out again. You run. I catch up. You fight and run again. I will catch you." He pressed his hard-on against me. "Though, I do have to say the chase is very pleasing."

"But, I'm losing track of what I started off from. One kiss, and I'll leave you alone till the meeting during the new moon. My brother will watch over you; I can trust him to keep his hands himself. Do you agree? One kiss, how bad could it be?"

"If I say no and to just get the hell off me?" He leaned forward and licked my jaw. I saw a flash of sharp teeth as he leaned in.

"I won't leave your side. From the moment you wake up to the minute you fall asleep. I'll keep you on a chain. I'll feed you food from scraps of my dinner. I'll stick you in a cage in the corner of my room until you beg to be let out, and then I might not let you out still." The blood drained from my face. This guy was just sick.

"One kiss and you'll leave me alone?" I hated myself for asking. I was playing his little game. But he'd started rubbing his hard-on against my mound and I wanted him to stop. Something inside me was liking how he was putting me under his complete control. It sickened me and I needed to get away from him.

Leaning forward, his lips grazed against mine, along my jaw and he whispered into my ear, "I swear it by the moon." I nodded. He nipped my ear and growled softly, "Say it. Say you agree to give me a kiss."

"I'll kiss you if it means you'll leave me alone and let me have free range to the grounds." He nipped my ear. "Not forever," he whispered. "I'll leave you alone till the new moon meeting. Say it."

I didn't understand why he was pushing this. I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "I'll give you a kiss in exchange for you leaving me alone till new moon and letting me have free range to the grounds." He grunted approvingly and nuzzled my neck. My eyes closed and I bit my lip. I hated how sensitive my neck was. I could feel tingles spreading through my body as he ran his hands lightly along my ribs.

"Enough, let's just get the damn thing over with," I gasped. God, my voice was much to breathy. He nibbled my lips softly, and I hated how I started to respond. His finger brushed against the sides of my breasts and I arched up against him. His tongue ran across my lips softly and I opened my mouth, letting him in.

I realized with a start that I was running my hands up his biceps and gripping onto his shoulders. I broke the kiss and pushed him away. I was a little surprised when he didn't resist. I looked into his eyes, and blushed at what I saw in them. No one had ever looked at me with such lust and I felt shy. I scrambled away from him and wiped the feel of his lips from mine with the back of my hand.

"Stay the hell away from me, okay?" He nodded, his eyes tracing over my every curve. I wanted to wrap my arms around myself and run back to my room. I stood tall and marched my way back to the house, trying to forget the feel of him against me. I wondered why I hadn't called him a bastard, resolving that I had to be firm with myself or he'd win.



A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 04



Sweat dripped off my body as I got off the treadmill. I glanced at Joe, still going on the treadmill. He hadn't even broken out in a sweat. It was his way of reminding me that I ought to just give this up and just agree to be Donovan's mate. He'd been my shadow these past few days, doing little things whenever he could that illustrated that I wasn't really a match for a werewolf. I'd start to doubt myself, but then I'd see Daniel, still covered in bruises since my act of rebellion.

I was actually very relieved that Daniel didn't hold any anger towards me. After Donovan had left me be, I'd wandered back into the house, only realizing how huge the place really was then. He'd been at the door, Joe telling him to stay away from me. When Daniel had caught sight of me, I hadn't expected the grin on his face. He'd pushed past Joe and ran over to me. "You're amazing. You haven't even started to develop the speed and strength of a were, but you'd totally kicked my butt. I'm trying to work my way up the pack hierarchy, maybe get to be someone instead of just another pack member. You take any martial arts classes or what? You got to show me what you know. As it is, everyone around here just knows how to throw a bar brawl punch." As Daniel continued to gush, I'd noticed he barely looked into his late teens. I felt a little guilty, beating up a kid, even if he was technically a monster.

"Daniel, shut it. You can just leave her alone right now. Go do your homework or something," Joe said, interrupting the kid. He was puffing up a little and I could see Daniel starting to look nervous. I'd knocked the kid around and, instead of becoming upset or moody, he'd started idolizing me. Now, here was this big bad wolf trying to menace him into going away, probably on Donovan's orders to keep me secluded from anyone with a Y chromosome, or something. I stepped between the two of them, my back to Joe and smiled at Daniel.

"I took a few self defense lessons towards the end of college. I'd thought I'd forgotten everything, but it just happened like instinct." I was talking happily, but I could feel my back prickling, like Joe was glaring daggers. Daniel had gotten a little pale and was looking behind me. I lightly punched Daniel in the shoulder, his eyes snapping back to me. "Maybe we could spar or something. I need to get in some practice."

The kid shifted his feet uncomfortably. His eyes darted between me and the hulking brute in the back. After a second, his eyes looking back at Joe, he nodded. "That'd be great. Many don't agree with how Donovan's been and they think it's completely wrong that you've been dragged into this. I'd be happy to help you anyway I can."

Turning around, I bumped into Joe's chest. I hadn't realized how close he'd been standing... Or how much he towered over me. I shoved him a little, and he took a step back, glancing at me. "So, is there a gym or something here that I can use to turn into Wonder Woman in the next three days?" Daniel snickered, trying to cover it as a cough. Joe looked like he was going to argue, but then he deflated and shook his head. He'd gone from big, bad and tough, to easy going and relaxed with a single breath. I didn't trust that sudden a change.

"Yeah. I'll show you two down to it." As he started back into the house, I glanced back at Daniel. He was positively glowing with anticipation.

It seemed like that was weeks ago, but I knew it wasn't. Joe would disappear every few hours to grab us some munchies and Daniel would start filling me in on everything that had ever happened since he could remember. He told me about how his father was a human and didn't know anything about him. His mother had gone to the state university and met him. They'd gotten married and were happily ever after, until his mom found out she was pregnant.

"Only the sons are born werewolves, but the daughters still have that info locked away in their genes. If a daughter goes off and starts a life away from the pack and has a family and that's that. But, sometimes that woman's sons end up being werewolves." Daniel ran his hands through his hair, pushing it out of his face. "My mom tells me that my dad was great, but she didn't want him to wake up to the sounds of a wolf cub yowling from the nursery. She loved him because of how normal he was, and she didn't want to introduce him to this life. There's always dominance issues and power plays. My dad had been studying to be a lawyer and was always going on about how he loved that the law put everyone on an equal level.

"So, Ma took off one day while he was in class. She didn't leave him a note or anything. She says it was cruel, but she didn't know of anything to say that could possibly justify her leaving. She came back home. Rules are, if you leave, you leave. But, since she was pregnant with someone that might be a werewolf, they agreed to let her stay until I hit puberty. She had a friend that had recently lost his mate and he decided to propose she be his mate, that way they couldn't kick her out. Also, he had a daughter and was positively terrified of having to be the one to explain to her the birds and the bees." Daniel chuckled. "Jack's great. He's treated me like a son and he's always been good to my mother."

I just nodded when he told me that story. I think it hurt him not to know his real father, but he didn't want to blame his mom. He had turned out to be a werewolf, so his mom had made the right decision for him. She'd given him a culture that'd understand what he was going through and teach him about being a werewolf, but she'd deprived him of knowing his father.

Joe came back early one time and heard Daniel telling me stories. He'd cleared his throat and we'd both jumped. He sat down on the sparring mat next to us and handed us sandwiches.

"I didn't know you were a gossip, Danny boy." Joe took a sip of water and watched us for a moment. "You two don't need to be so secretive. I know Elder Samuel had been coaching you a little about us, but he's a little like a history teacher. He'd been telling you how are pack started and pack laws and that sort of thing, right?" I nodded. "That's all well and good, but a pack is more than history written down in tomes. There's the goings on between people." Daniel and I glanced at each other. Joe was looking off to the side as he started speaking. 

"You should probably know a bit about Donovan, too. He's older than me by a few years. Our mother had died when we were little. Nightwalkers had started pushing into our territory." He glanced at me. "Nightwalkers is our name for vampires. They're not undead things. They don't need to drink blood, I think. We don't really know much about them. If they're going to kill someone, they do it by biting them. They have some sort of venom. Anyway, there had been a group living a few miles to the west of here. We'd done our best to ignore them and hoped that they'd do the same.

"One night, they attacked the house. That's the night our mother died. About twenty people died, another thirty were injured. We'd fought them to almost dusk. If the sun hadn't risen, we might have never survived. They retreated back to their land. Father was angry. He called on allied packs from around the area and launched an assault. Their place was empty, though.

"Father burned down everything on their property. As dusk fell, all that remained was ashes. That was it, for almost twenty years. Donovan married Melanie, Judy's daughter. Judy is the woman you met at the diner, that first night. Anyway, everything was going fine. We'd found out Melanie was pregnant and were throwing a party. Everyone was a little drunk.

"The nightwalkers attacked again. It was a smaller number than before. They were mostly attacking the women and children. Our father died defending Melanie. When he was down, the nightwalkers swarmed on Melanie. All of them." Joe sat quietly, Daniel and I staring at him. I couldn't understand it. Why did they target the women and children? Why zero in on the one woman? It seemed so personal, like revenge.

We sat in silence. Joe had a far away look. Daniel was hugging himself. After a moment, Joe continued. "Donovan raced after them. I'd never seen anyone move as fast as he ran then. It didn't matter though. We are built stronger than the nightwalkers but they are much faster. He didn't come back. I hadn't been taught everything Donovan had been taught to lead, but leadership is passed through blood and I was the only one around. I was starting to get a handle on everything after about five years. I was out walking when this beast ran out of the woods and collapsed. Half man, half wolf. We don't do that. We either are human or we transform into a wolf. No one had ever seen someone caught between transformations. We thought there was something wrong with him. The elders researched and found some texts in the library with reference to wolfmen, members of packs that had gone on solitary pilgrimage and able to transform half way.

"He was welcomed back with open arms. I stepped down, naturally. He was stronger and technically it was his birth right. Some time passed. He was brooding and strange, but that was put to the fact that he'd been alone for years. We are pack animals; we need company. Then we found out he was insane."

Daniel cleared his throat and added his two cents. "I think we would have been fine. I think he was even getting better, but Judy was angry at Donovan. Melanie had always called Donovan by his middle name, Alexander. She wouldn't leave him alone. 'What are you up to, Alex?' 'When are you going to bring back the heads of the nightwalkers, Alex?' 'What do you think Melanie would say about that, Alex?'"

Joe nodded, but didn't say anything. We sat silently for a minute. Daniel eventually broke the silence and prompted me back onto the treadmill. I ran as fast as I could, but he still went faster. I blinked in surprise as I saw his speed climb up to twenty miles an hour.

"Do all of you run that fast?! I'll never get away from him!" Joe turned Daniel's machine off, laughing.

"Stop showing off, Danny. He's the fastest wolf here. Normally, we can get up to ten or twelve. Danny looked very proud, panting at having ran that fast. He grinned at me. "If I go at my absolute most, I can get up to twenty-two. I'm working on raising that up." His face fell a little. "I wish I was as strong as the others, though. I'm always a little behind them. I'll never win a challenge if I rely on brute strength." He brighten up a little. "You can show me more moves, right?"

Someone cleared there throat at the door and Elder Samuel was smiling at us. "Well, how are you getting along? Ready to outrun a wolf?"

I hopped off the treadmill, walked calmly to the sparring mat, and let myself fall back on it. The impact shot the breath out of me, but I lay there as still as I could, hoping to get the message across. This was a terrible idea, and a terrible system.

"Does everyone have to outrun a god damn werewolf while they're still weak little humans? Because, after seeing these two in action, I must say it is completely biased system." The elder shrugged.

"I suppose I must agree. However, we can't exactly let angry humans that are turning into werewolves a chance to run off and inform the world of our existence. It's much too dangerous and we have families to think of."

"So, I guess there isn't any loophole that'd let Speedy Gonzalez here take my place." Daniel paled a bit.

"You do remember what happens if you get caught, right? I like you, but I'm about to let a guy rape me for you."

"Oh lighten up. As though Donovan could catch you!"

Elder Samuel sat down at a bench and waited for silence. "I doubt you'd run off to the authorities. I think you've gotten close to Daniel at least that you wouldn't want to endanger him. I'll talk with the elders. The meeting is tonight. Don't wear yourself out. There are a few elders that sympathize with you. We are thinking of delaying the meeting's end. The closer you have to dawn, the better chance you have. You'll get one hour head start. There's a river to the east. I'd try running in it for awhile to make your scent a little harder to track."

"I have a stopwatch. You can set it to keep track of time," Daniel added. "It'd take you maybe twenty minutes to reach the river. I say, spend the forty minutes left before Donovan gets out running through the river."

Joe looked uncomfortable, like he wanted to say something but was having some sort of battle inside. Finally, he said, "The river might slow you down a little. Angle into the river one way, run across. When you come out the other side, pay close attention to the path you take. Go a few meters away from the river bank, then go exactly back into the river. Try to keep your scent a single trail. Go back into the river and continue, either the way you'd been heading when you first entered or double back. He'll lose time trying to follow the scent and then he'll have to double back and try to figure out how you'd go. If you're lucky, he'll guess wrong and go in the opposite direction. That should gain you some time."

I blinked at him, unsure of how to respond. Was he an agent of his brother or could he be trusted? He didn't tell me which way to go. It sounded like good advice.

"I need to get back to the other elders. Don't work yourself too hard. Save energy for tonight. Try to squeeze in some sleep before the meeting."

Daniel hopped to his feet. "I'll be back. I'm going to go get you that stopwatch." He sped out of the gym. Shaking my head, I glanced at Joe.

"So, you and I haven't sparred. You'd be a better example of what a fight with Donovan would with." Joe laughed and shook his head.

"Katherine, you'd be better off not be caught by him. You've fought him before. A fight with one of us ends with you on your back pinned. You don't need me to show you that unless you want me on top of you." He blinked in surprise, as though he hadn't meant to say that. "Sorry, but Elder Samuel is right. You should get some sleep. I'll take you back to your room and get you something to eat.

I watched him get up and leave the gym, not even waiting to see if I would follow. I hadn't thought about it before, but Joe was good looking; very good looking. I sat where I was. Daniel was going to come back with the stopwatch and Joe could very well wait for me. Damn it all. Werewolves and vampires aren't supposed to be real.



A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 05



I rushed into the forest. The elders had delayed for hours. They'd meant to keep me from her. I understood. I had returned a stranger that they viewed as unstable. I snorted and looked at her tracks through the earth. She'd ran quickly, breaking twigs and tossing up the earth and leaves. I ignored the pang of guilt. I wasn't sure I was right. She'd hate me. Joe had told me to let her be. I had started to think he was right, but I saw the way he watches her. There aren't that many females left in the pack. He wanted her for himself. A part of me raged and wanted to rip his throat out. She was mine!

I slowed as I came to the stream. I scooped up some water and splashed my face. Joe could do better for her then I could. I hadn't been able to keep Melanie safe. I wouldn't be able to keep Katherine safe. I'd stolen her life from her. She would hate me. I should just... No. Katherine was stronger than Melanie had been. Guilt rushed through me. Poor Melanie. I am sure her last thoughts were that she'd failed to protect our unborn child. And here I was. Judy was right. I had never been worthy of Melanie. I wasn't fit to be anyone's mate. I wasn't fit to lead the pack.

I shoved the thoughts aside. Joe did not want to be leader. He never had wanted it. I had to stop this self doubt. Judy was angry at me for Melanie's death. The Nightwalkers were to blame. It wasn't my fault. I had done my best for the pack.

I remembered the countless women I had tried to make my mate. Guilt washed over me again. The pack needs an alpha female. None of them had even made it alive through the fevers. I should have let them go. I should have never done any of it. It had caused nothing but trouble for the pack and Joe...

I looked up as I realized that I'd been following her scent across the river. Her scent just stopped. I sniffed the ground and looked at the plants and ground. Every sign of her just stopped. I looked on the trees for any sign of her climbing them, but nothing. Groaning, I realized the she'd doubled back. She was good. I turned on my heel and ran back to the river, thoughts of giving up swept aside with the need of the chase.

I stopped to catch my breath. My lungs burned for more air. There was a stabbing pain in my side that wouldn't let up. I leaned against a tree, closing my eyes and trying to focus solely on breathing. My ears priced at a sound. I jumped to attention. Two men were standing not ten feet away. They looked confused to see me. I frowned slightly. There was something off about them. God, they were as pale as the moon, their hair almost white. The sense of unease grew. They were whispering something. I couldn't make it out, but I thought I heard them say wolf. I would have recognized them if they were from the house. A single word whispered in my mind. "Nightwalkers," the whisper said.

"Hello," I said. I hope I sounded calm. "I've been lost in the woods. Could you please help me? I'm sure everyone is worried." I stepped towards them, my arms open slightly to them. Every bone in my body screamed to run away, but I fought to remain calm. I could almost hear the blood rushing through me. "Please. Why won't you say anything?" They were just staring at me. Panic was starting to rush in.

"Wolf," the taller one said. I screwed my face in confusion. I hoped I wasn't over the top.

"What do you mean, wolf? Please, I need your help. I have no idea where I am and these woods are so frightening at night. When you said wolf, did you mean there are wolves here? Please, you can't leave me here to get ripped apart by animals!" I stepped closer to them. They were relaxing a little. They were either believing me, or wanted me to believe that they believed me. Fear was almost choking me. I found myself actually wishing Donovan would show up to save me from them. Trade two monsters that would gladly see me dead for one monster that wants me alive... It seemed like a good trade. Damn. But I had tried throwing him off my tracks. What if it worked? I breathed slowly, willing myself to b calm. If I surprised them, I could take them. No big deal. I just had to surprise them.

I blinked and they were suddenly gone. I froze. Daniel and Joe had said they were fast. I spun around, trying to catch a glimpse of their paleness. There was nothing but the thick woods all around me. Panic tried to creep up. I forced myself to breathe past it. Suddenly my feet were out from under me and a hand at the back of my head help my face meet the hard ground. Stars danced in my head. One of them yanked my hair up.

"Stupid wolf. You stink of fur and musk. Think to fool us?" A pale hand flashed for an instant before my sight went black. My head would have whipped to the side, painfully tugging the hair caught in their grip. "Out for a moonlit walk, perhaps? Those stupid animals are letting their precious females roam loose? We are going to enjoy ripping your limbs out of their sockets. But first..."

A flash of steel was the only warning as a dagger drove into my arm, straight into the bone. The scream ripped out of my throat just as the blade was tugged free. They chuckled. "What a beautiful scream. I'm going to enjoy hearing it again." I screamed as the dagger drove into my other arm.

I was running before what the sounds meant registered in my mind. Katherine was out there and something was making her scream. Rage ripped through me and I called my beast. It gladly rose to the surface and I guided the transformation, retaining human like hands and a mostly humanoid figure. The fur sprouted out over my body as I ran through the underbrush, each scream spurring me faster.

I had a single second of satisfaction before his companion slapped me across the face. The Nightwalker I had just stabbed in the thigh did not look the least bit happy. He grimaced slightly as he pulled the dagger out of his flesh. I breathed through the pain, trying to figure out anything I could do to get out of this situation. I could almost feel death standing by, watching to see how many he'd be collecting tonight. I was beginning to doubt my chance of getting out of here alive, but I could at least take one of them with me, if not the both. I thought of the pack, of the many that had lost mothers, daughters, sisters, and children to these things. Yeah... I would take one of them with me at least.

As fast as I was running, I felt as thought I wouldn't get there in time. I hadn't been there in time when I found Melanie. I wouldn't be there in time for Katherine. Story of my life; never being on time for those that need me. I pushed myself faster. I told myself it was just around the next corner; just a little further. I heard her scream again and I froze. She was so close. I could hear others breathing. My hackles rose. It had to be Nightwalkers. Not this time. They wouldn't take someone this time. I leapt through the brush.

I sagged in the arms of the Nightwalker that was making me stand. The other one was cutting my clothes off, not at all being careful if he cut me along the way. I gasped in pain as he stabbed his dagger into my hip. "If you're not going to stand up, we can start hacking away your useless less." I shuddered at the thought. My mind was still desperately searching for any idea, but as soon as something started forming, some new pain would drive everything from my mind. I wasn't accepting this. I was not going to die here, not like this. God, they were fast. There had to be some way to use that to my advantage, somehow use it against them. Pain flashed through me as the blade ripped through my thigh.

A roar deafened me. I saw a huge wolf thing jump through the brush and tackle the man with the dagger. I saw the blade fall on the ground, a single beam of moonlight shining lighting it as bright as day. The one holding me let me go in surprise. As I fell down, I grabbed the dagger. My body ached to lie down. It had to be Donovan. He wouldn't let them kill me. I could just lay down and rest now. But the dagger lay in my hand and the brute behind me was in my reach. I moved before my mind had fully decided to act. The dagger sliced through his ankle. Time slowed down. I could hear him scream as he fell. His eyes met mine as I drove the dagger into his throat and ripped through the soft flesh.

I could hear Donovan and the other Nightwalker fighting. I looked at the man bleeding to death beside me. He looked at me with startled eyes. I started shaking. Distantly I wondered if this was shock. I just killed him. Sure, he'd meant to kill me. But, I had never taken a life before. Beating someone in defense was one thing. But killing?

My breathing quickened. I couldn't get enough air. God, I felt terribly hot. I need more air. I was gasping, swallowing the air as fast as I could. I saw yellow eyes before me. I tried to focus on them, tried to calm down but I couldn't. The edges of my vision started to blacken. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on breathing. In and out. Slowly. I felt warm fur against my cheek and felt a weight on my shoulder. I reached forward and grabbed fistfuls of fur and started crying uncontrollably. The wolf's snout urged me onto his back.

Straddling his back, I realized he was about as big as a horse. My breathing was calming down. I wrapped my arms around his neck and clung to his back, burying my face into his fur. I breathed in his musk and found it strangely comforting. I felt him moving slowly through the woods and felt safe.

Donovan wished he could rip those Nightwalkers apart, but Katherine was shaking. She needed a doctor badly. Her bleeding had slowed, but he had no idea how much she had lost before he got there. He was glad that she hadn't tried to run from him. He knew this look could be frightening. She just accepted it, though. Donovan sighed to himself and moved as quickly as he could without jostling her.



A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 06



Warm light streaming across my face woke me. Determined to slip back to my dreams, I started to roll onto my side, pulling the blanket over my head with the movement when pain froze my movement. I lay flat on my back, trying to breathe past the pain. I thought I smelled flowers. Glancing beside the bed, I saw a vase with wildflowers with a card beside them on the nightstand. The card had a cartoon puppy with a bandage wrapped around its head and a cast on a leg. Inside, it said, "Hope you get the wag back soon!" and was signed by Daniel. I groaned at the card but couldn't help but smile. It was awfully endearing. I relaxed into the pillows and stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't really move and there was nothing to do, but it was a better predicament than I had found myself lately. I stretched my arms out and relished that the bed was all mine. I almost felt a pang of loss that Donovan wasn't keeping me company and scolded myself for it. This was all his fault, after all. I couldn't let myself slip up and think of him as a friend. He was the cause of all my recent problems. If I got soft, that was the end of it.

I yelled for help. I was pretty sure there would be a guard outside and hoped that he'd be good enough to get someone; maybe Joe, Daniel, or Elder Samuel. I wished for my mom and hated them for making it impossible for me to see her. She'd been there through the divorce, telling me that it was alright, that I didn't need a man and I was still young. They took my life from me, given me only pain, and I couldn't contact my family when I so desperately wanted them. If I could reach something, I'm sure I would have thrown it at Elder Samuel as he came in.

"I'm glad to see you are awake. How are you feeling? We were worried yesterday morning when Donovan came back with you injured. He only gave a brief description before locking himself in his room. Tension is high in the pack right now and we are not getting any answers from Donovan to ease or confirm our worries. We don't want to hound you while you're still injured. Is there anything I can get you? Daniel's mother has offered to attend you while you recover. I told her you were awake and she went to get you breakfast." Elder Samuel had walked halfway into the room and looked expectantly at me. His stance was slightly wary, which confused me. He'd normally stood with confidence. I sat up, wincing as I did but spurred by new found anger.

"What's the deal? Feeling guilty or something," I snapped. Glaring at him, I knew I would throw something at him right now if I could. The elders and him were about as much to blame as Donovan. I felt a little satisfaction when he flinched. Guilt tried to wiggle itself into my mind but I pushed it away. Elder Samuel may have been kind, but he could have helped me escape or something. He had been so determined to follow the laws of their stupid pack he would have let Donovan get me.

Elder Samuel just bowed his head and walked out of the room. I grabbed the vase of flowers and threw it at the door. It skidded across the floor, water soaking into the carpet, flowers flying across the room. I growled after him, digging my fingers into the mattress. I paused and looked down at my nails. They had started to darken and elongate. I screamed and started to kick the covers off. It felt like my skin was prickling. Bones started aching and I screamed. Elder Samuel rushed back in towards me. A streak flashed by him and was hugging me tight. A warm voice was whispering to calm down. To breathe slowly and to focus on my breath. Elder Samuel looked furious and was shouting for him to get away from me, but I clung to him. He smelled good, and his voice was soothing. I clung to him, though a part of me was whispering that I was clinging to the devil incarnate, seeking comfort from the one responsible for this. I breathed in like he told me and took in a deep breath of Donovan's scent.

"Slowly. Breathe slowly and feel the air filling your lungs. Hold the breath for a second and let it out slowly. Nothing else matters. Just breathe. Count as you breathe. Count to five as you breathe in and count to five as you breathe out." The pain started to fade away and I sagged in his arms, entirely relieved.

"What the hell, was that," I growled. I shoved Donovan away and he didn't fight to cling to me. Without him hugging me tight, I felt suddenly cold, but I could deal with that. I looked towards Elder Samuel, who stood there frowning.

"You were starting to change into a wolf, but that shouldn't have happened for many more months. We don't exactly have doctors so I can't say for sure. Perhaps -"

"Stress," Donovan said flatly. I glanced at him and he looked moody. He didn't look me in the eye. "You were in a dangerous situation with the Nightwalkers so your mind was ready to do whatever to defend yourself at any notice. Injured and angry, your body started to change. If you hadn't calmed down, you could have hurt yourself by changing before you should."

"Gee, like turning from a primate to a canine is something any human should be doing!" Elder Samuel snapped at me to not yell. Donovan snapped at Elder Samuel that I had every right to be angry. They were about to go at each others throats when a woman came in with a tray of food and banged it loudly on the coffee table. The two jumped and spun towards her.

"I don't care that you two outrank me. Get out of here. She doesn't need this so just get out of here and leave her in peace." She stared the two of them down. Donovan was the first to go. He started to turn back towards me, but stopped himself and dashed from the room. Elder Samuel looked like he was going to argue but thought better of it. Looking at the woman with her hands on her hips wearing the hardest face I'd ever seen, I understood how he could be ordered around by her. It was comforting to know that the hierarchy of the pack wasn't inflexible.

The woman huffed at the door and started arranging furniture to make it easier to eat in the sitting area. She pushed some of her hair behind her ear and smiled at me. "Let's get some food into you, shall we?" She came over and helped me up before I could protest. She practically carried me to the chair, but she at least let me have the dignity to hobble along. I sunk into the chair and tried to find a position that suited the aches and pains. I glanced around and saw the woman straightening my bed.

"No, please. You don't have to do that. I'm probably going to go back to bed in a little bit." I moved to get up but my body protested. The woman just shushed me and finished straightening the bed. She came over and handed me a cup of tea.

"You are not going to bed. I think you slept long enough. We are going to go for a light walk around the house, maybe in the garden. Fresh air would be good for you. Besides, my son will not give me any peace until he's gotten to see you again."

"Your son?"

"Daniel. I think it's good how you've been training him. He was always a little hard on himself for not being like the other boys in the pack. He takes after his father. I don't know what you say to him, but it has really helped his confidence. As far as I'm concerned, we're going to be like sisters."

"Uh... That's... I'm sorry. What's your name?"

"Daniel never mentioned me?"

"No, he has. I mean, he just never mentioned your name."

"Hmm... I suppose not. Well, my name is Jennifer. Everyone in the pack knows your name, Katherine."

"If I go for a walk, I'm going to be hounded by people who know me and I don't have a clue about."

"They'll know your name, sure. But, beyond that, they don't know anything beyond you can put up a hell of a fight."

I rubbed my eyes and tried to categorize my life into the things I could handle and everything else that I could put on the back burner for now. Hunger was an easy thing to focus on right now. There was a plate of food before me that could solve the problem. I ate the pancakes before me and barely tasted them. As I ate, Jennifer continued straightening the room. She gathered the flowers from across the room and arranged them in the vase again.

"I want to go back to sleep," I stated flatly when the plates were clear. Jennifer told me that wasn't an option.

"A little exercise will be good for you."

"I don't want to leave the room." She frowned but nodded. Jennifer opened the windows and the cool morning air floated in carrying the scent of the forest. I pushed myself out of the chair, ignoring Jennifer as she rushed over to help. I walked to the window and glanced out. There was a child chasing butterflies; five men stood nearby vigilantly watching for any danger to the child.

"I need a bath," I said lamely. I didn't want to admit that just standing hurt nor that I could figure any way to get out of the pajamas. Jennifer seemed to understand and helped me to the bath. She was very patient with me, even when I started biting out curses when some particular motion hurt.

Later that evening, I stood by the window watching the sun set. Jennifer had tried to persuade me a few times to go walking about in the garden, but had let the matter drop when I promised to take the walk in a day or two when I had healed up. As she left, I asked if she could bring Daniel with her tomorrow. Her lips twitched in a smile and I fought to smile back. I really wanted to hate her and everyone in this place, but I found that it seemed to be harder to call them evil monsters as I got to know them. A part of me wanted to jump out the window and run away if the person I had invited came out of his dark hole.

I called myself a million names about being so stupid. I'd spent so much time avoiding or running away from him and on a whim I invited Donovan to talk. Well, I asked the guard to fetch him for a talk. I hoped he wouldn't come. I hoped he would and we could find some sort of agreement. Through the day I had been trying to figure out what to do. Hiding in my room for the rest of my life had seemed a nifty, if impractical, idea. Talking to Donovan seemed to be an insane idea, but I thought it would be a good place to start figuring things out.

There was a hesitant knock and Donovan slipped in, keeping close to the door. He looked about as uncomfortable as I felt. The Nightwalkers seemed to have shook whatever resolution he'd been holding onto before. I nodded towards the sitting area but stayed at the window.

Donovan sat down, looking at me, waiting for me to decide the course of this. I stared out the window again, but I didn't see the sun sinking below the horizon. "We were never introduced. I'm Katherine, recently divorced, library clerk, or I was one, at least." Donovan was silent. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw him looking at me like I had gone off the deep end. Maybe I had. Maybe you had to be completely bonkers to live in this world.

"I'm Donovan, widower, werewolf, leader of a wolf pack." He shifted a bit in his seat and looked at me, waiting.

"We seemed to have opposing goals. You wanted me to be your mate and I wanted to have everything return to normal. I can't have my way; it's impossible, isn't it?" I turned and looked directly at Donovan. He nodded and waited. I wished he would say something. I didn't really know where I was going with this. I wasn't even sure I knew what normal was anymore. I just know nothing had seemed normal to me in a long time, before Donovan and his wolf pack had taken me from what I knew. What I knew hadn't exactly been working for me.

"I don't want to be your mate. You are a stranger to me." I thought his face hadn't had expressions before, but after I said that, his face completely shut down. "Part of me wants to agree to everything so I can just stop trying to hold everything together; like if I just gave in, I wouldn't have these problems, but I know better. I can try to make a new life here, but there is no way I can be your mate."

"I can't force you. If I did, you would only hate me."

'I would." He glanced up at the conviction in my voice. I knew with certainty that if I was forced into anything with anyone, I would kill him in his sleep; he'd have to sleep sometime and I could bide my time.

"I never meant to hurt you... I..."

"You were looking for... normalcy. You weren't out to hurt me, you were looking for a way to stop the hurt inside of you." He nodded. I walked to the sitting area and sat across from him. "Life is like a storm while we're lost at sea. We look for something to hold onto, some port of safety. Some don't even realize it because they're never without that port, be it a person, place, or idea. I can't be your port. I don't even have a port, myself so how could I be one for anyone?"

"We're both lost at sea and neither of us knows a way back to safety?" I nodded and decided to wait for him to carry the conversation for awhile. I had come to the end of my rope with that metaphor. It sounded stupid when I replayed it in my head, but I couldn't take it back and it seemed to have worked alright at the time.

"Can we keep each other company until then? My brother is... He doesn't deserve my problems. You don't either. I just... I can help you deal with... with becoming a wolf." He raked his hands through his hair and started pacing the room. "I ruin everything I touch. If I hadn't bothered you in the first place, you'd be happily going about your life."

I frowned to myself. Would I? No... the divorce had left me bitterly unhappy. Nothing had been right for a long time and I had already been lost. I'd tried to make a life with my husband who seemed to have regretted marrying me not even a year after our vows had been made. Trying to make it work had been draining on me. Donovan hadn't made it worse. He'd just switched the problems. Everything from before just wasn't relevant anymore.

"Let's stop the melodrama. If I were to be honest, this probably gave me a new start that I needed. Granted, it was a harsher introduction to this world than would have been ideal. This..." I shrugged and sank into my seat. I didn't want to blame him. It took too much energy to stay pissed all the time. I was scared that if I let go of that anger, I would crumble inside.

"Nothing has been right for me in a long time, either. I miss her. She wasn't anything like you. She was all soft and smiles. She'd never have dreamed of raising arms against someone, kicking and punching. She was too gentle to be in this world. She was born into this world and it killed her. I should have taken care of her. Judy is right. I killed her."

"I've heard a bit of this Judy and she is a bitch. She is nothing but a bitter, hateful bitch. She is wrong. You didn't kill Melanie. Nightwalkers killed her." He flinched at Melanie's name. "I'm sure Melanie wouldn't want you beating yourself up like this. She'd want to see you happy." I squirmed in my seat and wished that I hadn't invited him. I didn't know what I was saying. Everyone here needed a psychoanalysis, myself included. I was probably making things worse.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Donovan muttered as he walked to the door and showed himself out. I leaned back in my chair and stared up at the ceiling. I said a prayer for strength to make things right. I hadn't asked for any of this, but, by God, I would work this out.



A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 07



I sneaked into the kitchen and leaned against the door, taking a few deep calming breaths. Today was getting weird. I had come down from my room at the insistence of Jennifer. She had crossed her arms and stared me down. I hadn't seen Donovan in a few days. Jennifer told me that he was hiding out in his rooms.

"He's the alpha and he hasn't been acting like one at all. You're supposed to be his mate. You're not acting like one either. You're going to get up and go out and meet the pack." I'd started to argue but she just stared me down. She had her arms crossed and had years of bossing around people, her son mainly but others had gotten bossed around as well. My own mother wasn't like that, but in middle school I had met a mother that had decided everyone was her responsibility. Jennifer had the same look in her eye. She'd gotten fed up and, by god, she was going to set things in motion to make it right.

Of course, she wasn't the one that had to look people in the eye and apologize for kicking them in the balls some weeks earlier. Everyone had been surprisingly good-natured about it. Some sniffed me, some licked my hands. A young girl held her hands out to me. When I knelt down to her height, she leaned in and licked my cheek. I was left blinking confusion.

The place was fairly large. I'd learned that this was the pack's estate. The alphas could live in the house. There were cabins scattered through the estate where other pack members stayed. A few lived in town. But the mansion itself had a main hall about the size of a high school football field that took up most of the mansion's size where pack liked to hang out. I had spent most of the time apologizing in there.

I shook myself, resolving to be strong. I didn't have time for anxiety. I had decided, at Jennifer's urging, to make the most of what I had. I might not have chosen this, but I could choose how to handle it.

I was getting a glass of water when someone came into the kitchen. I glanced over and paused. There was an angry woman glaring at me. She'd been following me around all morning, making snide remarks to anyone close to her. I had an idea who she was. She stepped up to me, invading my space. Jennifer had told me not to back down from anyone; if you were dominant to someone, you didn't back down. If I was really going to be the Alpha's mate, then I couldn't back down to anyone.

"Are you going to fuck him," she snapped. I blinked a long slow blink. I had not expected that. She squinted her eyes and I could hardly stand the rage that seethed within them. "Well? He's a fucking monster that should have died. He's worthless. Are you going to let him touch you? Don't you fucking dare. Don't give him strength. I swear, I will kill you if you help him."

"Get. Out. Of. My. Face." My anger rose slowly and wrapped around me like a warm living thing. Surprise startled the rage from the woman's face. She actually took a step back before she realized what she was doing and she took the step back. Her hand flashed through the air before it connected with my face. It sent me reeling. It was a simple open handed slap, but it almost sent me flying with the force. God, there was so much strength. She had expected me to go down but when I only stumbled and righted myself, she was surprised.

I didn't think about it. I smashed the glass into her face and punched with my free hand, turning my body into it hard and fast. The woman stumbled back, going down when she tripped over her own feet. She blinked up in shock, glass in her face and blood dripping down. I had a feeling people just took shit from her and wasn't used to someone saying no.

"Do you know who I am?" She yelled. Her voice was a little high pitched with fear. This wasn't going the way she wanted. She had wanted to scare me, to make me back off. She wanted Donovan broken. Her daughter was dead; why hadn't he died too? She was going to rip the pack apart to do it.

"Yes. I know who you are." I shoved aside doubts. "You are a bitter old woman that used to belong to the pack. Get out of here. Take whatever is yours but get out of here. Never set foot onto the estate again." She blinked in surprise. I heard whispers eand gasps. I resisted the urge to glance to the door. I knew it was in my right to exile someone. If I was mate to the pack's leader, I could do this. It could rub a lot of people the wrong way, but I could do it.

"Melanie died! He killed her! He killed her!"

"Shut up. He didn't kill her. Nightwalkers killed her. And you are nothing but harmful to the pack now. Get out of here."

She got to her feet, a little shaky. She glared at those crowded in the door. She stood up straight, setting her shoulders back. "You're just going to accept this? My husband's an alpha! You can't just get rid of me. My husband won't stand for it and you will all suffer for not aiding me."

"An alpha doesn't need the aid of a lesser," a voice called from the back of the crowd. Judy frowned and launched herself back at me. It was so sudden. She was able to get me down before I realized what was going on. She was raking her nails down my face but decided it wasn't enough. Her hands closed around my throat and started squeezing.

People rushed in but she snapped, "An alpha doesn't need the aid of a lesser. If you help her, then she can't kick me out. I'm not going to accept this." She leaned in closer and whispered against my cheek. "Maybe if I kill you, it'll push him over the edge and they'll put him down like the dog he is."

My arms weren't strong enough to pry her hands away. Her ear was right at my mouth. I tried to lean up to bite, maybe rip it away, but I couldn't reach. My vision was starting to blacken around the edges. I tried to punch her face, but couldn't get the momentum to even make her lessen her grip. She leaned in, a terribly satisfied grin on her face.

"What the hell is this," someone snapped. Judy startled enough to loosen her grip. I sucked in air and threw her off. I glanced back to find Donovan standing in the door. Everyone had backed away but were still trying to get a look.

"You'll come to this whore's rescue but you let my dear sweet Melanie die," Judy screeched. She glanced around and grabbed a kitchen knife, launching herself at Donovan. The fight ended before it really began. Donovan didn't want to hurt her but she didn't have any reservations about it. Judy didn't have a mark on her when the fight was over, but Donovan had a few deep cuts.

"Someone get Miller in here. Tell him his wife has acted shamefully."

An older man stepped through the crowd, looking slightly embarrassed. He helped Judy to her feet and led her away. Donovan snapped at everyone to go back to their own business. He helped me to my feet awkwardly. His hands sort of fluttered around as if her weren't sure what to do. Eventually he settled on sticking them in his pockets and leaned against the counter.

"This place is going to get me killed," I muttered. Donovan shrugged. I winced as I started picking glass out of my hand. It wasn't the smartest move but smashing the glass into her face would leave an impression.

"Let me do that." Donovan grabbed a dishtowel and started picking the glass out carefully. When he finished, he leaned over and started licking the blood away. I tried to pull my hand away but he tightened his grip. It wasn't painful, but it was too weird. He released my hand and I wiped my hand off on a clean dishtowel.

"You have to do something about that crazy bitch."

Donovan sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I can't."

"Why the hell not? She's trying to get you killed. She just tried to kill me, if you didn't realize that. Also, she sort of ripping this pack apart."

"Why the hell not?"

"She's all I have left of Melanie! That crazy evil bitch is all I have left of Melanie," he yelled before falling to his knees crying. I wanted to kick myself but I figured that I had already gotten enough of a beating from Judy earlier anyway. I knelt beside him and awkward hugged him.

"Uh... need help?" I glanced up at Joe peeking into the kitchen. I nodded. He knelt on the other side of Donovan and hugged him around the shoulder.

"Come on. Let's retreat to the master suite," Joe said. He helped Donovan to his feet and offered a hand to me. We got him up to his room and I froze at the complete disarray of the room. It looked like no one had even taken a duster to the room in over a year or even tried to sort things into something like piles.

"It isn't a complete bio hazard. He just doesn't like anyone coming in and touching his stuff," Joe said. Donovan shot him a glare and stalked across the room and slammed through a door. Joe shrugged and sat on something that I assume was a sofa somewhere under the pile of stuff.

"He doesn't really let anyone in here. I've tried to get him to let someone at least tidy up but..."

"He's a hoarder."

"What? No. Well... maybe. But I don't think so."

Donovan peeked out through the door he had disappeared through. "Get out Joe. Katherine... you don't have to leave but you don't have to stay." He disappeared again. Joe shrugged and headed to the door.

"I can continue showing you around the estate, if you want," Joe offered from the door. I shook my head and heading back to talk to Donovan. I heard the door click behind me and felt the complete silence in the room. I didn't know what to say to Donovan. I didn't think there was a way to make it better. I don't think there's ever a way to make it better.



A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 08



I stood in the room feeling awkward and useless before I walked to the door leading deeper into Donovan's suite. I was almost to the door when I realized how stupid all of this was. He'd rescued me from the crazy psycho bitch but he wasn't much better. He turned me into a werewolf, even if I hadn't actually turned into a wolf just yet. He had tried to make me his mate without ever asking me what I thought. Well, here's what I thought. Like hell if I'm going to turn compliant just because Jennifer wants me to act like an alpha in the pack and like hell if I'm going to get all romantic just because he saved me from a situation he had created. I turned on my heel and marched out, bumping into Joe. He looked a little embarrassed.

"Uh... I wanted to ask you out on a date," he asked. He wouldn't look in my face. He seemed to have found a very interesting spot on the wall.

"Are you allowed to date your alpha's mate,"I asked, crossing my arms across my chest. He glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. There was a moment of silence before he asked, "Have you slept with Donovan?" I rolled my eyes and slumped against the wall. 

"No, but no one else really seems to care about that. Since I got here, all anyone has done is make me feel like I have no choice."

"They're desperate." Joe ran his fingers through his hair and decided the floor was a more interesting thing to stare at than the wall.

"And now its my responsibility simply because some nut job tried to rape me and ended up turning me into a freak?" I pushed away from the wall and started back to my room. I certainly didn't want Donovan to hear me calling him a nut job if he opened the door.

"I understand that you're upset and you have the right to be." Joe said, following me into my room. I flopped onto one of the chairs in the sitting area and wondered how I could have done things differently, if there was anyway to have done anything differently since I had ended up here. My life seemed to be a rollercoaster and there wasn't any sign that it was slowing down to stop any time soon.Joe sat down next to me, running his hands through his hair. "Do you think I'm a freak," Joe asked. I looked at him, surprised.

"No. Why?"

"You can admit it if you think we're freaks. I suppose they never covered werewolves in you high school biology class."

"Yeah. Someone goofed when they were writing out the curriculum."

"Katherine, this may be weird for you, but this is just a part of reality that most people don't know about. Most people don't want to know about."

"Does the government know about you?"

"Yes, they help out sometimes with keeping our secret. In exchange, we are pretty much at their beck and call, the government's dogs." I ignored the anger in the last bit. It really didn't have anything to do with me.

"If this is all square with the government, why do i have to be dead to my family?"

"They don't know about our females. We worry for them. We've heard stories from other packs about the experiments the government did on them. We don't want them do anything to the females here."

"I can understand them wanting to know how this works. It's weird. If I were a member of government, I would not be happy about super powered beasts with all the higher functions of a human running around. That just spells dangerous. Look what happened to me."

"You kicked Donovan's ass."

"Yet, I'm still here, cursed to be a freak."

Joe huffed and looked down the corridor. I sighed, knowing I was being rude. My patience about this whole thing was running thin. Joe hadn't done anything to me. He'd tried to help me. He'd given me good advice. But it still felt like this was being forced on me. He would never have been a dating option in my mind if any of this hadn't happened.

"Do you want to go on a date? There a nice restaurant outside of our territory."

"No. I don't want to go on a date. I want to be petulant and angry. You're trying to distract me from that."

"You want to be petulant?"

I stood up and walked away, thinking to hell with those brothers. They were both needy in their own way; Donovan in the crazy obvious way, Joe in a subtle way. How else could you explain his desire to date me after insulting him continuously? There had to be a therapist or something that we could hire to straighten out everybody's problems.

I was halfway to my room before I realized I really didn't want to be cooped up. This whole place was suffocating me. I wanted nothing more than to just go out for a run, but I was wary about those nightwalkers. This pack needed therapy, but those guys needed to be locked up in a mental asylum. I made my way down to the gym, happily not meeting a single person on the way.

I tried not to be disappointed when I saw there was already someone in the gym. Daniel was running on a treadmill. His feet were a blur. They had to have rigged that treadmill. No way the manufacturer designed the machine to go that fast. Daniel and his mother, Jennifer, were my favorite people here. I was happy that if my angry solitary workout was not going to happen, at least it was because of Daniel being here. I frowned a little to myself, trying to figure out if that made any sense. I suppose my fondness of him had something to do with it. I shrugged and called out hello to Daniel.

He grinned as he jumped off the treadmill and ran over to me. I could see the challenge in his eyes. I easily flipped him onto his back when he tried to tackle me. He lay on the ground, dazed for a moment. He grinned up at me and gave me a thumbs up.

"I'm going to be a little sad the day I manage to tackle you."

"Well, good thing that isn't going to happen. I was wondering where you've been. Do you spend all your free time on that treadmill?"

"It's the only thing I'm really good at so I want to work at it, you know? I'm good at it, but I could be unbelievably spectacular at it. You know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean. I need to get rid of some stress. I was going to hit a punching bag. Is there any around here?"

"No. We end up breaking any punching bags. If you want, we can go to town and pick one up. My mom wanted to go into town for awhile now. We can all go, maybe catch a movie."

I was about to say yes when I thought about Joe. Was it fair to him to say yes after I just turned him down like that? Eh. This wasn't a date. Daniel was just a kid and Jennifer was going to be there. Ugh... Maybe I could invite Joe along. I told Daniel I'd be happy to go and if he could see if Joe would want to go. Daniel's eyes lit up at Joe's name and he sprinted off. I sank down on one of the sparring mats and wondered what I was doing.

Daniel was back in almost no time at all. He was positively happy about going into town with Daniel and me. I kept saying one thing and doing another. I told Donovan I wanted nothing to do with being his mate and then I was basically introduced to everyone as his mate. I told Joe I didn't want to go on a date and now I invited him on an outing, not exactly a date but I did invite him on something. A new beginning for me? This was just a mess. I didn't seem to have any convictions lately and it was going to hurt people.

Joe was grinning happily but was careful not to smirk. He saw the situation for what it was. I realized then that I didn't want to be with Donovan or Joe, but I didn't want to burn my bridges with Joe if it came down between me needing to choose between them. Hell, maybe if Donovan pulled something out of the old pack laws with the elders' help, I could hook up with Joe in a last ditch effort not to be chained to Donovan. It wasn't fair to Joe.

I didn't really notice the trip into town but I recognized most of the people there from the pack's estate. Some didn't live at the estate, but apparently they had jobs and lives away from the estate. I wondered if it's be possible to move out of the estate, but I didn't really have the money to buy property and everyone that I could possibly deal with living with already lived at the estate.

I couldn't decide how to deal with this. Sometimes I felt like I could make this work, but then I went back to being scared and frightened, completely unable to cope. I figured to pretend everything was normal for now. Just going to go buy a punching bag for a home gym. I couldn't think of anything more normal than that. I wasn't turning into some hideous monster freak and the people around me weren't monster freaks hiding in a human form. I glanced at Jennifer and Daniel. I didn't think of them as monster freaks. Never once. I had only though Daniel was fun and goofy, earnest to grow into man. Jennifer was only a kind woman, almost like an older sister to me.

We had bought a punching bag and were out of the store before I had really finished my train of thought., though I couldn't recall any money exchanging hands between anyone and the store owner. It seemed to me Joe had just pointed to what he wanted and the store owner said it would be sent to the estate. Perhaps there was some sort of billing method.

We stopped through a fast food burger joint and had a small picnic in the town's park, which was little more than a little grassy square in the middle of town with a few gazebos and trees. It felt nice to be away from the estate. Daniel and Jennifer chatted about nothing in particular. Joe didn't really talk about anything. It felt a little strained, like they were making a conscious effort to afford me some normalcy.

By the time we got back to the estate, I felt a little calmer. Jennifer and Daniel tried to convince me stay downstairs and talk with the others but I declined. I could see some protest in Jennifer's eyes which died with a glance from Joe. I sighed and excused myself. I was almost to my room when Joe caught up with me.

"Am I wrong to be hopeful about a date? Just you and me going out together. It would be really nice."

"Joe... No. I'm never going to date you. If I did that, I would just be using you as a shield to keep Donovan from me. I can't think of anything that I could do that would be worse than that. So, no. Just... no. Good night."

I left him in the hall and firmly shut the door behind me, making sure to lock it. I did not really care much at the moment for any guests. I was a few steps into the room when I caught Donovan's sent. He was sitting in a corner looking moody.

"What are you doing here?" I was suddenly afraid that he might have heard what I said about him earlier. The dimming light of sunset filtered in the room casting odd shadows across Donovan's face. Flashes of our unpleasant first meeting flitted through my mind. He'd improved drastically since then, but that's when he thought I would be his mate eventually. Did he hear Joe asking me out? Did he hear me calling him a nut job?

"Donovan, what are you doing here," I repeated slowly, careful to keep my voice calm.

"Well, at first it was to beg you not to date Joe, but then I saw you drive off with him."

"I did not drive off with him. Jennifer, Daniel, and I went with him into town." Great, he was going to be a crazy again.

"I was angry," he said slowly. "But, he would be more appealing, wouldn't he? I've been thinking about what might be fair from a human perspective. Here at the estate, we think so much with the duality of our wolf form that we just let our two selves meld without even realizing it. The wolf part of me screams that you are mine and that no one else can have you. It's been hard because the human part of me has been screaming in agony with the loss of my Melanie and wanting someone to take away the pain that... well. You know what happened. So I've been trying to think about this from a purely human perspective. You've never even turned into a wolf so that part isn't even truly a part of you. Everyone here either grew up with the duality in them or with it around them.

"So what is fair, from a purely human perspective?"

I relaxed slightly. I was still wary, but it seemed he was trying to make an effort for me. I mulled it over, trying to think of the best way to put it before sitting down across from him. I turned a lamp on to stop the shadows from playing across his face. He wasn't looking at me. His eyes were looking past me, to some place outside the window.

"Fair would be not being forced into this situation, to never have been made a werewolf. I think we are past that, though." He said nothing. I sighed and leaned back in the seat. This was a dead end in the conversation. He was trying and I gave him something that could not be done.

"Give me space. Tell the pack not to treat me as your mate. To just... give me time to figure this out. Too many things are being forced on me suddenly. I have to cope with being not human anymore, with the fact that I'm going to change into something else, with expectations from strangers that I don't fully understand, with a whole new everything. Instead of everything being all of a sudden, let me learn to be what I am now. Let me learn about the pack, become part of the pack. Then we can discuss the issue of me and you."

"You will always say you are unready for that last bit," Donovan muttered. I wondered if it was true. At this point, yes. At some future point? No, I couldn't see myself ever feeling lovey dovey with the creature that had viciously attacked me.

Donovan stood suddenly. "I will be gone from the estate. Joe will be in charge along with the elders. There is a summit of pack leaders that I will attend. My sanity will be in question so I might not return. If that's the case, that's one problem for you solved. Good night." He strode to the door, pausing a moment in a silence that begged for him to say something before unlocking it and leaving.

As I sat there, I wondered if he had been hoping that I would say something.



A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 09



More than two months passed with no word from Donovan. Joe would shrug whenever Katherine asked about what was going on and had started avoiding her. Daniel treated everything like nothing had ever happened, though Katherine knew he wanted Joe to join in their sessions at the gym. Jennifer had told her that Judy and her mate had gone with Donovan and an elder named Tyler to the summit. The others in the estate had avoided Katherine right after Donovan left, but a few had started talking to her and others were being friendlier. The situation was too confusing for some of the members so they just pretended like she wasn't there. They weren't rude, but they didn't try to incorporate her into their activities.

Katherine had found that in the morning, some of the younger men would play soccer. In the afternoon, the children played on the grounds under the diligent supervision of many. In the evening, unless some of the pack wanted to go for a run under the moon, the doors were bolted shut and metal shudders on the main floor were closed. Jennifer had told her that recently, the elders had decided that all the women and children would be living in the main building of the estate. Katherine felt guilty that she hadn't actually noticed anyone moving into the building but Jennifer brushed it off, saying that they were normally here all the time anyway.

It was near the end of the third month of Donovan's departure, that Jennifer found Katherine curled up in a corner of the main hall watching everyone interact. Jennifer watched her a moment before she nudged Katherine's shoulder. "Well, why don't you join them?"

"I believe the last time I had tried to interact with them, I was apologizing for kicking their butts and being unsocial... and then Judy attacked. I'm happy to sit and watch them."

Jennifer frowned and tried to pull Katherine out of her seat. Katherine wouldn't budge and even growled low in her throat when Jennifer didn't stop tugging on her. "I'm not holed up in my room," Katherine bit out. Katherine sighed and apologized for being rude. "Jennifer, I think you don't get it. Sometimes I think you do, but then I don't think you do. This isn't anything I understand. I'm drowning here in a world I don't know and I just want to wade a little in the shallow end but you keep trying to throw me in the deep end." She paused to look out at the crowd chatting happily with each other. "I'm trying. This is me trying."

Jennifer sighed and pulled a chair closer to Katherine. She sat with her a moment in silence. "Joe received a phone call a little bit ago... from elder Tyler." Katherine stilled, but her eyes glanced out the corner to Jennifer. "Donovan has been determined a non-threat. Judy and her mate have been transferred from our pack to one a few hundred miles north."

"I see," Katherine finally said after a moment. She sat watching the crowd. "Do any of them know," Katherine asked.

Jennifer shook her head. "Honestly, I shouldn't have told you. It's against the rules. Joe and the elders are the only ones that are supposed to know at this stage. The summit wasn't only about what's going on in our pack. It's considered rude that for information to leak like this. However, Joe wanted me to tell you." Katherine frowned. Jennifer understood her confusion and shrugged. "He thinks you want Donovan. Your wolf is starting to really develop and she is going to see Donovan as a good mate."

"What do you mean? My wolf? There's going to be a separate mind telling me what to think and how to act?"

"You growled at me earlier, when I tried to pull yo over to them," Jennifer stated flatly. Katherine frowned, completely unaware of having done anything. She thought she'd told her to stop it.

"I didn't growl," Katherine said. She didn't want to believe she had done. Jennifer looked her in the eye and waited for her to stop lying to herself. Katherine rolled her eyes and stared out to the crowd again.

"You growled because you are your wolf and the wolf is you. However, there will be times if you fight it that you will feel your wolf in your mind trying to direct your thoughts and actions. A lot of the reason members like to run beneath the moon in their wolf form is to stay one with their wolf. Don't think about it and just act. You felt threatened by me trying to make you do something you didn't want to do, so your wolf felt growling would be the best way to tell me to stop it.

"Honestly, if you had told me to stop with words, I would have continued trying to get you to participate with them. I didn't realize just how strongly you felt about it until you growled."

"Simply telling you to stop it wasn't enough," Katherine asked angrily. Jennifer nodded. "Why on earth wouldn't it be enough to simply tell you?"

"Because this is who we are. We use words for things that don't matter, that we can brush off. If we feel strongly, it comes out like a growl or a whine or by actions. Everyone understood very clearly how you felt about not wanting to be here when you tried to escape. When you started to shift after you had been attacked, everyone understood exactly what that meant. Everyone here, except you, either grew up here or in another pack. In a pack with more members not born into this world, it would be easier for you but those in this pack forget. I forget."

"I growled and didn't even realize it," Katherine grumbled. Jennifer shrugged before saying that if she wanted, she could probably try shifting into her wolf form now.

"What? I don't want to," Katherine stated clearly. She was going to hold off as long as she could. She heard Jennifer sigh like she was trying to coax a petulant child into a bath.

"If you put it off, like you are so keen to do, then it's going to happen eventually when you have no control over it. It's going to be like before. It will hurt and you will feel awful. If you do it soon, your wolf won't feel a driving need to be free." Katherine pointedly stared at the crowd. Jennifer sighed and tried another tactic. "If you wait till later, Donovan will be here and your wolf will be pulled to him. You may end up his mate because of your wolf's will before you have any true say in the matter."

"That's ridiculous, "Katherine sputtered. Jennifer shook her head and pulled her out of the chair and upstairs to Katherine's suite. Jennifer started slipping out of her clothes as she spoke.

"I'm going to shift into my wolf. I want you to sit with me. I won't be able to talk to you but I can shake my head yes or no to any questions you have. I'm going tell you the step by step on what happens. Honestly, you just have to get it started and your body does the rest on its own. The real trouble is stopping it if it's already started and you can't be in your wolf form. Since you managed that, this should be easy for you." She saw me start to argue but cut me off. "I'm not saying you have to do it now. You don't even have to do it tomorrow or the day after. But, Katherine, it has to be done soon."

Katherine glowered, arms crossed over her chest as she watched the other woman finish undressing. She felt acute embarrassment but tried to hide it. She didn't relish the idea of being naked before a group of people in order to shift into a wolf. She'd never seen the other people shift when they went to go one a run. She saw them gather in the courtyard and always managed to wander off only to see a pack of wolves run into the trees. She'd never given any thought to their clothing before.

Jennifer took a deep breath and let her arms hang loosely at her sides. She closed her eyes and tilted her face to the ceiling. Her face looked at peace. Everything about her seemed to just be relaxed, like some unknown tension had been lifted. Katherine grimaced as she watched the bones shift beneath Jennifer's skin. As Jennifer's legs shortened, she fell to the floor to stand on all fours with a sigh of complete contentment. As dark grey fur started to grow across her body, Jennifer's face elongated as her features shifted. Katherine felt sick watching the bones move beneath her face, changing it from human to canine. Katherine tore her eyes away from Jennifer's face and watched as a tail finished growing thick fur. Jennifer stretched happily after she was completely in her wolf form and wagged her tail. She grinned at Katherine before sitting down.

"Didn't that hurt," Katherine whispered in question. Jennifer shook her head. She sat on her haunches waiting patiently for Katherine's next question. Katherine just stood staring at the wolf for a long time. It was larger than Katherine had thought it would be, but then she'd never seen a wolf in person. She had no idea if Jenifer was the size of a normal wolf, smaller or larger. She asked Jennifer if the other wolves were about the same size as her and if they were about the size of real wolves, to which Jennifer answered yes to both. They stayed as they were for awhile. Katherine finally asked if Jennifer had been afraid to shift the first time. Jennifer tilted her head to the side a bit as she pondered it than shook her head no but followed it with a nod. Katherine frowned. Jennifer sighed and stood up. She started turning back into a human form. Katherine had to glance away to keep from feeling sick

"I wasn't afraid," Jennifer said when she was back to her original form. She stood there, seemingly unaware of her lack of clothing. "I had grown up seeing everyone around me turning into wolves and happily go running in the woods. They had never seemed happier than when they were about to go run. I couldn't help but envy those around me. I was nervous the first time, though. I worried that I wouldn't be able to do it on my own and that the wolf form would rip itself out of me eventually. I worried that I would be stuck in the wolf form. What I was worried most about, though, was that I wouldn't want to come back to my human shape." She ran a hand through her hair and looked out the window to the woods. "Sometimes, a member decides to give up their human half and live simply as a wolf. I missed Daniel's father. I knew as soon as he was born that it was the right decision for him. I still missed Gregory though." Jennifer sighed and looked at Katherine. She asked if she'd ever told Katherine about Gregory. Katherine shook her head. "He was great. He had some mild allergy to the sun so he was always inside reading. He and I would sit together reading and even though we didn't say anything to each other, it was nice to be near one another. In the evening we would go out. Gregory loved to take me to fine restaurants and would talk about anything and everything. He worked a night job and worked himself ragged between that and studying but he didn't want me to worry about income. I was working on my third year towards a business degree." Jennifer sighed wistfully and looked out the window again.

"I didn't tell Gregory anything. I just packed up my things and left while he was away one night. I just stopped going to my classes and broke off all contact with my friends. It was hard but I didn't want anything that reminded me of him, of what we had. I didn't want him to find out about who I was... what I was."

"You don't know what happened to him," Katherine asked. Jennifer shook her head. Without turning to look at Katherine, she said, "The first time I turned into a wolf, Daniel was five years old. Jack had already grown to love him like he was his own son. I knew Jack would have taken care of him. I thought about running into the woods and leaving everything that was human of me behind. I could feel it in the back of my head that I could just shove all my human worry and emotions back until they disappeared. You can give up your humanity, but the wolf is always there. It feels like the wolf is the more real between the two." She closed her eyes and the look of contentment spread over her face. "The only time I feel free is when I'm a wolf."

Katherine sat uncomfortably on one of the chairs across the room. Jennifer watched her for a moment before she got dressed and joined her in the sitting area, studying her hands for lack of anything else to do. She eventually said, "I did run off for a day. Daniel doesn't remember it. Jack never mentions it. I said that I was just enjoying running around, which was true. Jack told me it didn't matter, as long as I came back I could run for as long as I needed. Jack is great. He never pushed the subject, never brought it up in an argument, just let the incident slide away. I care greatly for Jack, but I still miss Gregory." Jennifer wiped away a tear and breathed past it. She shook herself from her reverie and met Katherine's eyes. "The actual turning into a wolf is nothing to be frightened or worried about. What do you say about shifting?" Katherine shook her head faster than Jennifer had expected. Jennifer sighed and shook her head.

"When are you going to stop being such a child," Jennifer asked quietly, almost to herself. Katherine frowned and asked Jennifer to explain the process of shifting.

"You showed me but tell me what it's like. How do you even get it started and how do you get back," Katherine asked, grumpy. She crossed her arms over her chest and listened to Jennifer explain about calling up the wolf and letting it take shape of you. "To get back to human shape, you just have to remember your shape and sort of just will it." Jennifer frowned and shrugged. "After awhile, it's just second nature. It's a little like asking someone to explain breathing. I mean, you can consciously decide to stop breathing, but mostly it just does it on its own."

Jennifer shrugged and excused herself. She paused at the door and told Katherine that she needed to accept her life as it was. She left before Katherine could protest.

For the next couple of days, Jennifer wouldn't bring up the subject but Katherine could feel the subject hovering just on the sidelines of their conversations. Katherine could feel the weight of it on her mind. She kept thinking about how free Jennifer said it felt. It was almost a week since they had talked about shifting when Katherine slipped out of the building into the courtyard around twilight. She'd stayed cooped up inside so she had never really explored the courtyard. It was wide and narrow. It was paved with spaced flagstones, grass and moss peeking through the cracks. There was a small fountain in a corner and the sound of the water splashing was like music as the sun was sinking below the horizon staining the sky with reds and purples. She stared across the lawn between the building and the woods that surrounded the property.

Katherine suddenly felt uncomfortable in her clothes. She could feel it rubbing against her skin and it felt to tight. She ripped her shirt off and gasped as the cool in rushed against her bare skin. She felt better, able to breathe easier, but it wasn't enough. She felt frantic as she tore at her clothes. She kicked her pants off in frustration and slipped out of her undergarments, sighing as the air caressed her skin. She pulled her hair loose from its ponytail. She breathed deeply and felt herself relax. A part of her worried that someone would see her standing naked in the courtyard but most she felt free standing beneath the sky. She could feel a restlessness building in her. She wasn't right yet. Her skin felt too tight and her body felt alien to her. She frowned in frustration and shook her head. She could feel a thought brush her mind, just a whisper that she should run to the woods as a wolf. She opened her eyes to the sky and breathed deeply as she felt her body to start to change.

There was a sudden panic that screamed that it was all wrong, but it felt too right for her to pay it any heed. She felt her legs changing but it didn't hurt like she expected. She lost her balance and fell down to stand on all four. Katherine looked curiously at her paws. She couldn't remember her hands changing. She looked at the fur on her legs. The fur was a pale grey that was almost white. She stretched with a yawn and loped off to the trees. No one called for her to come back and she wondered if she'd actually managed to slip away completely unnoticed. She stopped at the tree line and looked back to the building. Jennifer stood in the courtyard collecting Katherine's clothes. Jennifer folded everything neatly and looked out at Katherine. She didn't call out to her or wave. She simply left the clothes on a bench and went back inside. No one came out of the house to join her and Katherine understood. Jennifer was giving her an opportunity to leave, an opportunity she might not have again. Katherine walked into the trees slowly thinking about running off.

She felt restless the longer she tried to work through her options. She just let out a huff and and took off in a run. It felt good to feel her muscles working. She dashed across the woods, leaping over rocks and roots. Tension and worries drained away and she ran harder. She came to a clearing and she came to a sudden stop, panting heavily. She looked up to the moon hanging just above the trees. This was freedom.

She skirted around the clearing, not daring to cross such an open space. She froze suddenly at the sound of a twig snapping. Her head whipped to the sound and she saw a wolf with cinnamon colored fur take a deliberate step on a twig, the sound loud in the quiet of the night. Katherine tilted her head and studied the wolf before her. She took a deep breath, taking in the scent of everything. He smelled familiar but she couldn't place him. There was a smell under the wolf musk that she felt she should recognize. She figured it must be someone from the house that had gone running earlier. She took a step sideways, deliberately on a twig.

The cinnamon colored wolf let out a bark and wagged his tail. He wiggled his butt in the air a moment before he pounced at her. Katherine let out a bark and hopped around. She took a pounce at him that he easily avoided. He spun in a circle and wiggled his butt in the air again, his tail wagging furiously. Katherine barked and ran off into the wood. She could hear the wolf following her. She spun and pounced at him. The danced around each other through the woods and Katherine felt joy at this freedom. She was panting heavily and slowed to catch her breath for a moment when the wolf pounced on her and pinned her to the ground on her back. She tried to wriggle out, but the wolf above her growled lightly. She stilled, suddenly afraid. The wolf sniffed and examined her. Katherine felt a burning embarrassment and started to scrabble away. The wolf growled another warning and pinned her again, his mouth on her throat, teeth biting into her skin. Katherine felt fear and stilled beneath the wolf. She didn't know how to fight in this body and a human body would be useless against a wolf, not to mention Katherine didn't know how long she'd be useless as she shifted back.

The wolf, satisfied that she wasn't going to struggle again, resumed his examination of her. He nodded and sat back and looked back to watch her. Katherine rolled over and lay on the ground watch him. He looked relaxed, but his eyes stared intently at her. Slowly, she pushed herself up to sit and watched him carefully. She remembered fur that color and she remembered that smell. The shape had been different the other times she'd seen that fur. Katherine hadn't expected Donovan back yet. Wasn't there supposed to be another wolf with him? She gulped nervously as she slowly rose to stand. She guessed that he knew who she was, maybe that he knew it was her from the start. She thought back to their playing and felt a little embarrassed and very annoyed.

He shouldn't have tried to play with her. He must have known that she didn't realize it was him. He took advantage of the situation, Katherine fumed to herself. She could feel a growl in her throat as she narrowed her eyes at him. He didn't react to it. He stayed relaxed, watching her carefully. She backed away but Donovan shook his head. Katherine stopped and wondered what that was about. She felt annoyed that she couldn't just ask him but she didn't want to leave herself vulnerable by turning human. She started to back away again when Donovan leaped up and pinned her to the ground again. She struggled under him. She was about to give up when he backed off letting her get to her feet.




A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 09



Katherine glowered at him again and started to back away again. He pinned her again, growling in annoyance. He let her up and they repeated it again before Katherine just gave up and sat. Donovan shook his head again and Katherine huffed in frustration before plopping down to lay on the ground. Donovan tilted his head and studied her a moment. He looked around the woods, listening intently and smelling deeply. Satisfied, he laid down near her but with plenty of distance between them.

Katherine suddenly recalled that backing down from another wolf was too weak. She frowned. He'd pinned her several times. It was obvious he was the stronger. What was he getting at? What game had he thought up? She was too deep in thought that she hadn't realized that he'd snuck closer. She started in surprise when he licked her cheek. She stood up and growled at him. He didn't seem concerned with her threat. He stood and bumped his head against her shoulder. Katherine snapped at him and took a few steps away and plopped on the ground to try to figure out what he was up to. He followed her and sat near her, nearer than before but far enough that he couldn't reach her.

It went on like that, Katherine getting less huffy each time. Eventually, he licked her cheek and she just looked at him in annoyance. Donovan wagged his tail like it was a great accomplishment. Katherine rolled her eyes and settled on the ground. She was starting to feel chill and she realized that it must be past midnight. She glanced at the fallen leaves around her and she supposed it was autumn. She frowned and tried to figure out how long she'd been here with the pack. She blinked in surprise as Donovan wiggled till his side was pressed against hers. He laid his head down on his paws and huffed in a sad sort of way. 

Katherine frowned, but laid her head down next to his. 

She drifted off to sleep at some point and woke slowly to the sun's light filtering through the leaves. She yawned, sitting up and cried out in surprise realizing she had shifted back to her human form at some point in the night. Her skin felt icy and she burrowed back into the leaves. She glanced around and didn't see Donovan anywhere but he must have seen her naked body. She frowned wondering if he had left her alone in the forest after she had fallen asleep. Though that meant that he wouldn't have seen her naked, she was surprised by the hurt she felt at the thought of him abandoning her in the night.

She heard a rustle and turned to see Donovan in his wolf form trot up to her with a couple of rabbits in his mouth. He laid them in front of her and waited. She arched a brow at the raw meat. He looked pointedly at her, then shook his body and stretched. He huffed when she just looked at him blankly. He rolled his eyes and plopped down on the ground. He looked like he was trying to come to some decision before he finally rolled over and started to shift into human form. Katherine looked away quickly, not wanting to see his bones moving beneath his skin.

"You can be daft, sometimes," Donovan muttered. Katherine glared at him. He sighed and told her to just turn into her wolf form and it wouldn't matter if she ate the rabbits raw, so long as she stayed a wolf for some time after. Katherine nodded and tried to relax enough to think of being a wolf but she couldn't with Donovan's eyes on her. She growled in frustration. She glared at Donovan and saw him staring at her breasts. She glared and told him to give her some privacy, that he was distracting her. He grinned as he shifted into his wolf form and trotted away. Katherine sighed and laid back on the leaves trying to recall the sound of the fountain. Slowly she felt that peace as she started shifting. She stretched and yawned.

Donovan came back with another rabbit in his mouth and Katherine wondered where he kept getting them so easily. He started digging into this rabbit and Katherine felt green at the sight of the fur, blood, and raw meat. And yet a part of her looked down at the pair of rabbits and thought that it was a great breakfast. She pushed aside the human thoughts, trying to bring the wolf to the front just long enough to swallow down the breakfast. She made it through and Donovan led her down to the stream to drink. He showed her around the woods, showing her how to hunt and track. Katherine couldn't help but find herself having fun.

In the evening, Donovan turned back to human form and sat, waiting for her to join him. Katherine felt embarrassed but knew there wasn't any other way to actually talk to him than to be naked in front of him since there wasn't any clothing anywhere to be seen. She huffed but let herself bring her human form to the front of her mind.

"Well, what do you think of being a wolf," Donovan asked. Katherine shrugged. Donovan waited until she met his eyes. "I'm sorry. I... What I did to you was wrong and I am sorry. I was just hoping that this could be a silver lining."

"Don't worry about it, Donovan. If we haven't had this discussion before, than we've had one similar to it." Katherine sighed, pulling her knees to her chest and looking away from him. "It was nice to run around the woods today. I can't remember the last time I was so happy." She rested her chin on her knee and met his eyes again. She saw him looking over her body and couldn't repress a shiver. She could feel the wolf part of her mind saying he was strong and handsome. A part of her human mind whispered that they were both hurting and that it might be nice to find comfort in each other. She shook her head and hugged her legs tight.

Donovan's eyes glanced up to hers and she could see the heat in them. It made her breath catch and not from fear. He moved close til she could feel the warmth radiating off his body. She closed her eyes and willed herself not to lean into his body. He leaned close to her till his lips were less than an inch away from her forearm. She shivered as he hovered his lips up over her arm, up her neck and to her ear. He breathed deeply, savoring her scent.

"Tell me to go away. Tell me and I will," Donovon said quietly, his voice rasping deeply in his throat. Katherine opened her mouth to tell him but the words caught and she couldn't bring herself to say them. She shuddered and couldn't stand him being so unbearably near without touching. She turned to him and brushed her lips against his. He moaned before he pulled her to him, crushing her against him. Katherine gasped as his hands trailed over back and sides.

Donovan broke the kiss and gazed into her eyes, cupping her face in his hands. Katherine shivered under his gaze, a blush creeping over her. His eyes felt like they drank every detail in, like the memory of her at that moment would be burned in his mind till his last breath and he would cherish it. Katherine gulped and closed her eyes. He leaned in and she thought he was going to kiss her lips but he trailed kisses over her cheeks and forehead. She shivered and opened her mouth to say 'please' but Donovan kissed her deeply. He nibbled her lips and drank in her kisses and moans like they were sweet wine. His hands tangled in her hair as he held her to him. Katherine gasped when he pulled from the kiss. She felt dizzy from his kiss.

He trailed kisses down her neck and across her collarbone, a hand still tangled in her hair, pulling her back and forcing her to thrust her breasts up like an offering. She moaned as Donovan flicked his tongue against one nipple and then the other. They were light touches, barely there. Katherine squirmed in his arms but he held her fast. "Please, Donovan," she gasped. Donovan growled in his throat and sucked on a nipple.

Katherine shivered and panted as pleasure surged through her body, pooling between her legs in a heavy heat. She gasped as his free hand cupped her other breast and rolled its nipple between his fingers. Donovan continued his sweet torture on his breasts, switching his mouth to the other breast. Katherine mewled , grasping his shoulders and shaking with pleasure. She pulled him away from her breasts and kissed him hard and demanding. Katherine moaned as his hands slid down her sides. One hand curved to caress her ass while the other cupped her sex. Donovan slid his fingers along her slit, drawing out sounds of pleasure as she writhed against him. Katherine blinked past the pleasure and leaned forward to kiss his chest. Donovan chose then to flick a finger against her clit. She gasped, clutching him. He slid a finger over the swollen bud. Katherine cried out as she bit into his shoulder.

Katherine let her hands wander as he played with her clit. She traced over his chest and abs. Her hand fluttered over his muscles, traveling lower until she found his cock. She wrapped her hand around it and squeezed lighlty, earning a groan from Donovan. She liked the weight of it in her hand and ran her fingers up and down the shaft. She was just starting to work up a rhythm when he slipped a finger into her pussy. She arched back and would have fallen back into the leaves if Donovan hadn't caught her. She gasped in his arms as he worked his finger in and out slowly. He added another and shifted so he got a better angle on her. She clutched at his forearm when he crooked his fingers and rubbed against her g-spot. She saw him grin at her reaction and he continued rubbing against that spot until she threw herself back moaning. He lowered Katherine into the leaves and pulled her hips up to his mouth. Katherine's eyes widened as he lowered his mouth to her and suckle don her clit. She thrashed about, scattering leaves everywhere. Her hands curled into fists, her nails biting into her palm as he pushed her over to climax. She cried out his name, shivering.

Donovan sat back and watched Katherine panting in the grass. Her hair was wild and she looked gorgeous. He leaned over her and plucked a leaf from her hair and trailed it down her body. She gasped and shivered. Katherine opened dreamy eyes and smiled lazily up at him. Donovan felt his chest swell with pride. She was his. She was beautiful, and strong, and she was his. He rolled her on to her stomach and coaxed her hips up.

Katherine blushed with her ass in the air like an offering. She felt so exposed. She was going to protest when she felt the head of his cock at her pussy, rubbing along the lips. She shivered, crying out as he shoved himself in with one powerful thrust. She lay beneath him, gasping at the feel of him in her. He felt so thick and hot. She moved to prop herself up on her arms, but Donovan growled and pressed a hand to her lower back, keeping her ass arched up. She squirmed with embarrassment but she could feel her wolf happy with his dominance of her. Katherine moaned as she felt Donovan slowly thrusting. She gasped his name as he stroked her pleasure higher and higher. Katerine was shaking as she felt an orgasm building. She begged him to fuck her, to push her over that edge. Donovan growled and thrust hard and fast. She screamed into the leaves as pleasure broke over.

Katherine wobbled but Donovan kept her where he wanted as he fucked her. Katherine started shaking as he drove her to another orgasm before the last had faded. Donovan pulled her up and kissed along her neck as he continued thrusting. He growled her name just before he sank his teeth into her shoulder as he came. Katherine collapsed into the leaves and Donovan leaned over her panting. He slipped out of her and lay next to her, pulling her into his arms and nuzzling into her hair. Katherine yawned and snuggled closer. Donovan kissed her temple. She fell asleep but she thought she heard him whisper something. Her sleep fogged mind couldn't decipher it but it sounded reassuring.



A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 10



Katherine woke slowly. She didn't want to wake up. She was so warm. She snuggled closer to the warmth and buried her face into the leaves to block out the morning light. Donovan pulled her tighter against him and nuzzled her neck. Katherine's eyes opened as she realized what she'd done last night. She waited for panic and fear, maybe anger, to overwhelm her, but she could feel the wolf in her mind telling her to relax and just enjoy the moment, not to over think it. She frowned. She could feel the wolf there in her mind trying to influence her and she had to fight against it, push it back, and remember that she was human, not wolf. She felt the alien presence recede and felt cold for the lack of it. She extracted herself out of the leaves and Donovan's warmth. He grumbled in his sleep but she smoothed his hair, murmured comforting words till he drifted back into the depths of sleep.

She walked carefully away from him and felt the wolf in her mind try to push to the forefront again. She steeled her will until it receded again. She stumbled a little and clutched a tree until she regained herself. She pushed herself farther away from him and cursed herself. Jennifer had told her that she shouldn't meet with Donovan when she first changed because her wolf would influence her. She wanted to be pissed but she couldn't forget the feel of the wolf guiding her thoughts. Katherine frowned. It wasn't that it had guided her. It just hadn't thought a great deal of things were important. It didn't worry about the things she worried about. It wanted food, shelter, and companionship, and there weren't any consequences to worry about. And with its thoughts there, she couldn't bring herself to remember why she shouldn't fall into his arms.

She sighed and just wandered through the woods. She tried to cling to her humanity, but, wandering naked through the woods, she could feel and smell the earth. It called to her and she could feel the wolf in her mind, could visualize it pacing in a cage looking for a way free. It hurt to think of it and she tried to push it away but the image became stronger and the wolf howled to be free. Katherine stumbled to the ground, hugging herself. The wolf wanted to be free and run. Katherine shook with the effort of holding her human form. She choked on tears. It felt terrible to deny herself the pleasure of running free. She tried to tell the wolf, tried to make it understand her fear. She knew she had to get away from Donovan or she'd fall into his arms again. The wolf paused in her pacing and Katherine felt the question in the wolf's mind. 'Was the alpha dangerous?' Katherine remembered the night she'd first met him and the wolf began to pace again. 'The alpha hurt us.' It paced before slowing. 'If not for the alpha, we would not be.' Katherine remembered the confusion and fear. The wolf was curious but could not understand it. It wasn't concerned with what worried Katherine but understood that it had to work with Katherine's fears. 'We run from the alpha that hurt us, we lose the pack.' Katherine felt the wolf sit and wait patiently. It had to wait her decision. It wanted food, shelter, and companionship, but had to deal with Katherine's humanity.

She struggled to her feet and walked deeper into the wood. The wolf howled to run free but Katherine pushed it away. She fell to her knees and knew that she wanted to be away from here. To get away from this woods and this pack. She stumbled and growled to herself. It was awful fighting the desire to change into a wolf and run free. The lights around her glittered in her eyes and she buried her face in her hands. The wolf sensed a weakness and threw itself against the bars of the cage. She could hear the bars squeal as they ripped free and the wolf tried to bound free. She snarled and told the wolf not yet. It paused for a second before it threw itself against Katherine's mind.

Katherine's body convulsed as the wolf fought to be free. It twisted her body and she screamed as she felt the bones slide around. She wanted to vomit. This didn't feel like peace. It was hell. The wolf broke free and howled in triumph. Katherine found herself in a cage in the wolf's mind as it bounded free. She cried out for it to stop but it paid no heed to her desires as it ran free. She felt an almost soothing thought slide across her. 'We will not go back to alpha. We can not let us be controlled by that fear. We will go away.' Katherine cried out and wondered if the wolf would always be in control. She let herself drift into blackness as the wolf ran.

She awoke somewhere cold. She shivered and tried to remember where she was. The only thing that came to mind were scents, sounds and briefs flashes of scenery. She shivered and glanced about herself. She was in a small burrow of earth lined with soft leaves and pine needles. She snuggled into the leaves and wondered where her wolf was. She felt too entirely alone. The wolf was quiet to the point that Katherine wondered if it was still there. She tried calling to her wolf to no avail. She closed her eyes and sought her mind for the wolf. She was just short of panic when her mind came to something like the burrow she herself was in. Her wolf was curled in a ball exhausted. It barely lifted its head. 'Tired. Can't run more.' It closed its eyes and drifted into shadow. Katherine tried to keep the wolf from fading but it told her to let her be. 'We will be fine. You came back from shadow.'

Katherine shuddered. She hadn't existed for some time. She simply hadn't existed. It had been her wolf living in her place. The memories were the wolf's. She hugged herself tightly, terrified that she could just stop existing but something else could simply live in her place. She fought away the panic. If she had really stopped existing, then she couldn't have come back... right? She she shook her head and crawled out of the burrow to investigate her surroundings.

She stumbled in snow, gasping as the ice hit her bare skin. She frowned as she surveyed the area. It was some sort of fir forest, but she couldn't think of a forest like that anywhere near anything she had ever been. The trees had always been maples or oaks. The landscape was alien to her. She stumbled forward and tried to find some sign of civilization, wondering if the wolf could have known that she wouldn't survive naked in the snow.

She was stumbling through the snow for at least an hour. Her arms were crossed tightly across her body in a desperate attempt to conserve some warmth. She shook her hair to fall as evenly around her as she could. Her hair was much longer than before. It had gone to just past her shoulders when she had left to the woods for her first run but now hung down to her hips. She was shaking, her teeth chattering loudly, when she heard a low growl. She turned to it and found four black wolves stepping out around trees. They looked to each other and one stepped closer to sniff her.

"H-h-e-ell-l-lo," Katherine managed to say. The one stepping up to her cocked its head. He turned back to the other wolves who shrugged their shoulders. Katherine fell to her knees and pulled herself tighter. She didn't know how much longer she could survive in the cold. She was pretty sure real wolves didn't look to each other and shrug their shoulders. She felt so cold. She watched as they just looked at each other. She frowned. Was there some way they were talking to each other? But they weren't making any noises or moving. Finally the one turned back to her and nudged her until she got to her feet. He huffed at her and the wolves surrounded her. She was led through the forest. She stumbled but they nudged her until she got to her feet again. The one leading would turn to her and cock his head every time she fell. Eventually, they came to a clearing with a lodge surrounded by cabins. She was led to the lodge and stumbled inside.

Katherine felt eyes on her. She glanced up to see twenty men and women staring at her. She wondered what she must look like. She glanced at herself. She was covered in mud, melting snow, leaves matted in her hair. She sat kneeling before them frozen in fear. She wasn't sure that she might not have been safer in that burrow. What if her wolf only meant to sleep awhile before taking off to a safer place? The one wolf nudged her till she got to her feet and was herded before a fireplace large enough for a Clydesdale to stand comfortably. She curled in front of the roaring fire on a fur rug. She glanced around, waiting for someone to say something. The one that had been the leader disappeared down a hall while the others stood watch over her. They seemed more concerned that she might be a danger to them than in protecting her from the rest, though how they could suspect her a danger to them was beyond her. She was practically at death's door when they had nudged her inside the lodge.

A man appearing to be mid-fifties with shaggy black hair just graying at the temples came back into the room carrying a robe. He had a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt that looked hastily thrown on. He handed the robe to Katherine and sat on his heels considering her for a moment. Eventually he asked who she was.

"Katherine," she answered as she pulled the robe around her.

"Well, Katherine, what brought you here? Where is your pack? You have the scent of wolf on you so don't pretend to be a human," the man said sternly. He watched her carefully. Katherine looked away from him and stared into the fire.

"My wolf brought me here. I don't know where I am. It was autumn when my wolf took over." A murmur spread through the crowd. The man nodded to himself and stood. He faced the crowd and ordered some of the women to tend to Katherine. They pulled her to her feet. She was at a loss for words as they herded her down a hall to a large bathroom. They started scrubbing the warmth back into her body, combing out her hair and fussing over her. Eventually they declared her fit for civilized company and dried her off. They dressed her in jeans and a thick plush sweater.

Katherine wanted to protest being treated like a child, but she was glad to be warm and clean. They herded her back to the main area of the lodge and sat her before the fire for her hair to dry. She sat obediently. They brought her roasted meats and hearty bread. She barely touched the bread, it tasted too odd to Katherine, but she ate the meat with relish.

The man came back as she had finished eating and sat near, trying to figure out how to broach the subject. He knew who she was. At least he thought he knew who she was. It had been buzzing around the packs. Donovan's mate, or almost mate, rather, disappeared suddenly. Everyone thought Donovan was going to go into a fit and they would finally be forced to put him down like a rabid beast. He had just returned sadly to his pack and said she had chosen to be free of their pack. A few had tried to convince him to go after her, but Donovan had put his firmly down. She wanted to be free of him and he would not allow her to be forcibly returned to the pack.

"My name is Henry, Alpha of the Pine Forest Clan. Can you tell me about just before your wolf took over? It is odd for something like that to happen. The way you said it took over. You didn't give it control?"

Katherine shook her head. "I was arguing with my wolf. I was conflicted and my wolf thought the best option would be to run free. I tried keeping it in control, but I had just turned into a wolf for the first time just recently. I was still new to it. My wolf forcibly took control and locked me away. I remember panic and feeling myself fade." Katherine sobbed and hugged herself tight. Henry frowned and asked her to please continue. "I woke up in a burrow not far from here. I could only remember bits and pieces... like a dream or something. I don't know how I got here. I don't know where I am."

"Well, you are in Yukon. Your wolf ran as far as she could go I suppose. I can understand being frightened of losing control of your wolf after it being in control for so long, but you could have frozen wandering naked in the snow like that."

"My wolf went to sleep. She was tired. I tried to call my wolf up but she wouldn't come." Henry frowned. He asked her a few more questions. After awhile, Katherine frowned. "Did you say I was in Yukon? That's a part of Canada, isn't it?" Henry nodded and Katherine sat dazed. She had been in East Texas last she had checked.

"Do you know how long you've been gone," Henry asked. Katherine frowned and guessed a couple of months at best. Henry shook his head. "You have been gone for a little more than a year."

"I've lost a year... And I'm far from home," Katherine stated lamely. It felt unreal. She sighed and wondered what she should do. She thought she ought to go back. She thought of Jennifer and Daniel, she even thought of Joe. She tried very hard to not think of Donovan, but her mind kept going back to him. She groaned and buried her face in her hands.

"You don't have to go back," Henry said after a long silence. Katherine looked up to him and waited for him to go on. "I don't have to tell anyone that you showed up here. You can stay here or, after you find a balance with your wolf, you can go back into the wild. I will give you time and respect your choice. If you decide to return to Donovan's pack, I will also give assistance." He left her to her thoughts. Katherine frowned, snuggling into a blanket she had found in the room. The evening chatter washed over her. There were a few questioning looks, but no one intruded her space. There was a bell rung and everyone got up and left. One of the women that had scrubbed her clean told her that dinner was ready. She showed Katherine to the dining room, but abandoned her to her solitude immediately.

Katherine ate with relish but found herself sickened every time she tried to eat something other than meat. She sighed and sought her wolf in her mind. It looked up from the burrow in Katherine's mind. It stretched and looked at her curiously. She asked about the year she had lost but the wolf didn't understand the idea of time very well, especially not Katherine's concern over time lost. She asked about the wolf's opinion of Donovan. 'Alpha wants us as mate. He would not harm us.' Katherine frowned and asked why the wolf had agreed to running. 'You wanted us to run but was afraid of us free. We have to be free. If we are not free, we die.' Katherine frowned, wondering if the wolf had babied her or something. The wolf had a year of free run. It might have had time to think it over and move on, but it was still fresh in Katherine's mind.

"Are you okay," a young woman asked Katherine, snapping her out of her reverie. She felt the wolf growl at the girl but was glad the sound didn't come out. Katherine told her she was fine, thank you, just wanted to think. The girl looked at Katherine as though she thought Katherine was crazy to prefer solitude, but she left her.

Katherine sighed and argued silently with her wolf. Eventually it yawned, threw a vote towards returning, and curled back to sleep. Katherine rolled her eyes and looked up to find Henry seated across from her, studying her.

"You were talking with your wolf," Henry asked. Katherine eyed him warily before nodding. He frowned. "You are like a crazy person. I've never heard of anyone so disconnected from their wolf, but it works for you, I suppose. You can blame your wolf for things." Katherine glared at him. It was hard to think of the wolf completely separate since it always said we or us, though it would sometimes say you.

"I don't want to discuss this with you," Katherine muttered. Henry arched a brow and stated that he was the alpha in this territory and he would decide what they discussed. Katherine huffed but didn't say anything.

"So, what are you planning? What does your wolf think you should do?"

"She throws her vote that we return."

"What is it like to share a space with a separate mind," Henry asked. Katherine frowned and shrugged. She tried to describe it, but it was hard. It had been terrifying when she woke up and the wolf had been gone. Katherine finally snapped at him that she was not a subject to be studied. He raised his eyebrows and told her to calm.

Katherine sighed and asked him if he had been communicating with the other wolves before in the woods. He looked guarded and started to deny it but Katherine told him that if he wasn't going to tell her, have enough decency not to flat out lie. He barked with laughter. "Bold. You are rather bold," Henry laughed. He sighed contently and looked over the others in the dining room. A few had finished and returned to the main room of the lodge. There were a few remaining to talk in small groups. A pair had set up a chess board and were studying the pieces intently.

"We can speak mind to mind because we are a united pack. There has been a history of unity for more than fifty generations. It is said to be a magic spell a shaman had cast to reward the first pack that had arrived because they had worked with the shaman's tribe and defended them from dangers. Never being a member of another pack, I can't fathom not speak mind to mind." He shrugged and studied her a moment. "Not many alphas know. I only told you because you might join our clan, though I doubt you'll be able to speak mind to mind, and because Donovan knows. Either case, the secret of our clan is kept."

He showed her to a room and told her to get rest. She dreamed of running through the woods around Donovan's pack estate. She was dashing happily through the leaves as a wolf when she spotted Donovan's wolf. He was running after another wolf, playing with her like he had with her, pouncing on her and being pounced on. Katherine tried to catch up but she was always just further away. She followed them to the manor. They had turned human and were walking hand in hand to the house when dark figures swept over them. Katherine saw blood splashing and screams. Katherine screamed in horror as she saw children lying bloody. She tried to wonder where they came from, but the dream dragged her back with more horrors.

Katherine woke exhausted and on edge. Her wolf was pacing, searching for dangers. Katherine tried to make sense of the dream but figured it was Donovan with his first mate and her being taken from him. She shuddered and tried to reason it away.

A knock on the door announced Henry before he entered. Katherine glared since she hadn't invited him in, but didn't bother to rebuke him. He'd probably pull out some nonsense about his house or something. He asked her if she had a decision yet. Katherine glared, thinking he sure wanted her out of his house. She supposed she was an unwelcome guest but he was hardly being understanding.

"I am to confused about it, but my wolf says go back, so I will. I don't feel so frightened so... I don't have to explain any of it to you, actually." Henry laughed and handed her a paper. It had a phone number on it. He explained it was the number to Donovan's house. He pointed out a cordless phone she hadn't noticed and excused himself from the room. Katherine fiddled with the paper for some time before she finally picked up the phone and dialed the number. She paced the room nervously as it rang.

A young man she didn't recognize answered the phone. "Yes?" Katherine frowned. "May I speak to Jennifer," Katherine finally asked. The person on the other side asked who was asking. "The person that has business with Jennifer. Sooner would be better," Katherine snapped. She could hear him breathing on the line, but he said nothing for a moment. Finally he set the phone down and barked orders. A minute later, the phone rattled against the table and scraped as it was picked up. "Hello," Jennifer said. She sounded wary. Katherine felt weak and fell to her knees sobbing, thinking what a strange event this must be for Jennifer. She calmed herself but before she got to say anything, Jennifer whispered, "Katherine? Is that you?"




A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 10



Katherine laughed and said yes. Jennifer told her to wait a moment and she was put on hold before she had a chance to say anything. A moment later, Jennifer picked up the phone again.

"Where are you? Are you okay? I had thought you would come back after a week or month but you never came back. Donovan said you had left him. He... he had a bite... I mean... Katherine... Did you and Donovan... nevermind. Are you okay?"

"What bite," Katherine asked. Jennifer tapped her fingers on something that Katherine could hear. "Donovan and I didn't fight." Jennifer laughed in a sad sort of way.

"No... That sort of bite wouldn't mean a fight. It's a way that wolves mark their mate. It's sort of a... spell or something. As long as you live, the bite would remain on Donovan. I've seen him looking in the mirror checking on the bite."

"Oh god," Katherine muttered. Did everyone know that she and Donovan had sex? Katherine frowned and found a mirror and started checking herself for a bite. She couldn't find any and told Jennifer.

"He didn't mark you? Hmm... Then technically, you and he aren't truly mated. I mean, there's two ways to become mated. There's that 'ritual' the elders tried to spring on you and there's the marking with a bite during sex, but with that, both partners have to be bitten for it to be indisputable."

"So, a number of guys could wander around with one person's bite mark on each?"

"No. If you were to mark another, Donovan's mark would disappear. If you died, it would slowly fade but by marking another, it would be like... the magic jumps from Donovan to another... Are you thinking of marking another with your bite? Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm in Canada. I'm not thinking of biting another. I'm... okay. I'm not hurt. Just confused, which seems to be my standard state of being. I need to talk to you. I'm in a pack. I don't remember the name of it. The alpha is named Henry."

"Yukon Henry," Jennifer gasped. She sighed. "He's such a dream boat. If I wasn't a married woman..." She started laughing. Katherine could picture her shaking her head at the thought and was comforted. It felt like home and it was good to hear it.

"He said he would arrange for my return if I wished."

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say if you weren't thinking of coming home, you wouldn't have called. Daniel is going to be happy. He hasn't had a good sparring partner since you went away." There was a pause before Jennifer asked if she wanted to talk about her running off for so long. Katherine told her later. She asked Jennifer to tell Donovan that she was coming back.

"I'm going to talk to Henry and when the plans are solidified, I'll give you a call."

Jennifer gave Katherine her personal cell phone number if she didn't want some well meaning idiot to pass her directly to Donovan the next time she called. Katherine laughed and said that was probably a good idea. The thought of speaking to him was bizzare. It was just yesterday to Katherine, but it was over a year for Donovan. Worse, she hadn't worked much of anything out. If she came back, everyone was probably expecting more from her.

"I haven't solved anything Jennifer."

"Don't worry about it. It's been awhile. No one would expect you to run into his arms with passion. Just... try to think about things on your way back. I've missed you. Call me when you have details."

In a few hours, she was being shipped to a private air strip to be flown directly to Donovan's territory. Jennifer and Daniel would pick her up from the air strip and they'd head back to the estate. Before she boarded the tight little plane, Henry pulled her aside and told her to do what would make her happy. "You can't make anyone happy until you are happy." He opened his mouth to say more, but shook his head and pushed her to the plane. Katherine frowned but just got on the plane.

She talked to her wolf, but it wasn't very helpful. It didn't understand why she made such a fuss. 'Alpha would not hurt us. He wants us as his mate.' The wolf was starting to sound exasperated around the fiftieth time it stated that. Katherine finally snapped at the wolf what if she didn't want him as a mate. What would he do if he knew he couldn't have her as his mate? 'Why don't you want Alpha? Is someone better?' 

He hurt me for his own gain, she growled at the wolf, careful not to growl aloud and startle the pilot. The pilot was a member from Henry's pack, but he didn't know she would be arguing with basically herself so heatedly and might think she was growling at him. 'It hurt, but it didn't kill. Alphas used to always turn new members like done with you. What good is a weak member to the pack?'

Katherine frowned and wondered how the wolf could possibly know about the past. 'We are a part of a history. I am magic, your magic. We are connected to other wolves, alive and dead.' Katherine pushed the wolf away and it was happy to curl up in the burrow to rest. Katherine felt uneasy thinking that the wolf might actually be an ancient entity of magic that could talk to wolves of the past. She pondered if that had something to do with how Henry could mind speak with the other wolves in his pack. But, if that were the case, why wasn't it more widespread? She sighed and snuggled into the seat trying to get comfortable.

The wolf thought her anger towards him was silly because it used to be how it was done. The thought of wolves hunting down defenseless humans was chilling, and far to savage for Katherine. It was too weird for her. She drifted to sleep only to wake with a start a few hours later when the plane landed on the bumpy air strip.

When she got out of the plane, Jennifer and Daniel nearly tackled her in their enthusiasm. Katherine laughed and hugged them back. On the way back, she told them everything about her wolf and what she knew of how she got so far north. Daniel looked to his mother but his mother only shrugged.

"I have never talked to my wolf. The idea never entered my mind," Jennifer finally said. Daniel leaned back and close his eyes. He almost started turning into a wolf but with effort he remained human. His face knitted in concentration. Finally he slumped back looking exhausted. "I tried to visualize my wolf, but it didn't seem to like me much," he muttered. He frowned and looked out the car's window as they drove to the estate.

Jennifer promised to talk to the elders. Katherine nodded and followed Jennifer into the estate when they pulled up. She took a deep breath and called her wolf up for guidance. It might have been alien, but it helped calm things down, pushed away fears that it thought wouldn't help their survival. Donovan was in the main area hunched over a table in discussion with Joe. Joe looked like he'd aged terribly since Katherine had seen him last but Donovan looked stronger than ever, infused with vitality and confidence. He looked up and the confidence faltered. He excused himself and Joe looked up. His breath caught when he saw Katherine. He gathered up the papers and hurried away to the stairs. He paused, and looked over to her before he retreated up the stairs. Donovan watched his brother leave before he went to meet them.

"Welcome back. Would you do me the honor of a discussion in my private quarters," Donovan asked with a bow, one hand extended to Katherine. Katherine arched her eyebrow and looked to Jennifer. Jennifer shrugged and wandered away with her son. Katherine sighed and accepted his hand. He led her to his room, stopping at the sitting room. Katherine was surprised by how neat the room was. Last time she was here, it had been beyond messy. She had to guess where the furniture was under the books, papers, and debris. This room looked like a person in control of himself and his affairs.

Donovan sat on the sofa and gestured for Katherine to chose whichever seat pleased her most. She sat on the opposite side of the couch and fiddled with her hands. "I hadn't thought you would come back," Donovan finally said. Katherine shrugged. "Why did you leave like that," he asked. Katherine sighed and explained the events to him, feeling very sick of telling it yet again. Donovan nodded, he didn't think it was all that odd. Katherine looked at him and he admitted experiencing something similar when he had run off after his mate's death.

"Do you argue with your wolf," Katherine asked.

"More than I used to. I hadn't really paid any notice to him. Then he was everything and I was just doing what he wanted. It was..."

"Easier," Katherine supplied. Donovan nodded.

"Yeah. It was easier. It was an uphill battle. I'm surprised your wolf didn't keep a hold of control for so long." Katherine shrugged. Donovan sighed and looked at his hands. "Everyone thinks the wolf is just an aspect of them. It's more like... you're an aspect of it. I couldn't really talk to anyone about it. If you start going on about your wolf being a separate creature, they just look at you like you're crazy. Everyone already thought I was crazy. Hell, I was crazy, from fighting the wolf." He studied her for a moment. "You don't look like you're fighting the wolf."

"Yeah, my wolf is just sleeping. She got exhausted from running around in control of everything. Donovan... I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. You did this to me. We..." Katherine flushed with embarrassment. "We had sex. I was gone a year but it feels like just yesterday. To me it was yesterday, but my wolf isn't awake trying to influence me and..." Katherine sighed and slumped back in the sofa. She stared at the ceiling hoping for a flash of brilliant genius, but none came.

"I'm not going to hold you to anything. As far as everyone knows, nothing happened. Well... Jennifer knows. But no one else knows about our partial mating. I mean... err, it's an odd thing to say." He sighed and pushed himself to his feet. He paced the room before kneeling before Katherine.

"I would be lying if I said I didn't want you. I would be lying if I said that the thought of you as my mate doesn't fill me with warmth. But I know I treated you badly. I know I can blame my wolf, but I could have fought against it. I tried to give you an out before but, if nothing else, your wolf was influencing you. Tell me to go away now, while you're in control, and I will not bother you again."

Katherine shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She wanted to be indignant about everything and storm out, but she couldn't muster it. The feelings just weren't there. She was afraid of her own wolf and what she was, but she couldn't bring herself to be afraid of the man in front of her. She wasn't sure if it was a hold over from when the wolf was in control, but it didn't feel right to turn him down. She glanced up to him and held her hand out to him.

Donovan cupped her hand in his and pressed a kiss to her hand. He held it like it was a treasure that was worth protecting. Katherine felt her wolf stir and she stiffened. Donovan looked at her cautiously, but she didn't move to pull her hand free. There was the oddest sensation of the wolf sliding out of her and to Donovan. His eyes widened and he held Katherine's hand tighter. There was a feeling of something sliding in to replace her wolf and she could suddenly hear and feel Donovan's thoughts and emotions. He would protect her, even from himself if he needed to. He would treasure her. Even if she turned him down, he would stand watch always to see that she was safe and happy. Katherine searched Donovan's eyes and found understanding. She wasn't sure if she completely understood her thought and emotions, but Donovan seemed to have a good idea. The longer they held hands, the deeper it went. She saw flashes of memory. She saw his guilt over what he had done to her and others. She saw him before others and Judy ranting that he was unfit as an Alpha. She saw him wake alone and cold in a forest, covered in stinging blood. She saw his previous mate and felt the anguish when the Nightwalkers took her from him. She saw the years slide by and saw his teenage years, his childhood. Eventually, time came back and she was still sitting on the sofa in his rooms, staring into his eyes.

"What just happened," Katherine asked. Her voice was little more than a whisper. Donovan shrugged. Katherine slowly pulled her hand from his.

"We're too fucked up to work together. The whole situation is too fucked up," Katherine said. Donovan sighed and nodded. He started to get up and walk away but Katherine grabbed his shoulder and kept him where he was. "How can you do this? How can you live a life like this? I mean... Donovan, we are at the mercy of some wolf entity that is separate but at the same time a part of us? How do you live with it? How do you get out of bed every day? Just thinking about it is impossible."

Donovan cupped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. She felt their wolves touch but she steeled herself against their thoughts pouring into each other. The wolves still touched, but there wasn't a wave of memories, thoughts, or emotions. "I do it because I have to. If I just give up, what is left? I can't lie in bed thinking of everything I've lost and how much I'm not a regular person off the streets. I can't do that. And you know if you let the wolf take over it takes over completely and then you lose yourself. Please Katherine, you have to live. I don't mean not die. I mean LIVE. I... I am sorry and I can't take back what I did to you. But I can't let myself dwell on it. Especially since there are those that depend on me. I just don't know what else to say."

Katherine sighed and leaned back. She had been fighting it the whole time, even when she thought she was making progress. She had kept hoping for a way out of it. Letting the wolf take over had been a way out, but she wasn't ready to just disappear like that.

"I guess I just have to live," Katherine said. Donovan smiled sadly and got to his feet. He went to deeper into his suite, leaving the door open. Katherine followed him but paused at the door. The mess that had been in the sitting room hadn't disappeared. It had simply migrated deeper into the suite. Katherine frowned and took a better look. It wasn't a mess. It was just full. Books were stacked everywhere in the room, some even on the bed. There were ancient books bound in leather, scrolls, paperback journals, loose sheets of parchment. The sheer number of books in such a small space was overwhelming. She peered between the towers of books and ounf Donovan browsing through a book.

"What's going on, "Katherine asked.

Donovan held out the book to her and picked up another book. Katherine glanced at the book and couldn't read the scribbles. There were bits that were clear enough to make out, but the problem was it was in Russian, or some language that used the same alphabet. She arched a brow at him but he was deep in a scroll that looked like it was in pictograms.

"I have no clue what this says," Katherine stated. Donovan glanced up and frowned. He took the book and nodded his head.

"Sorry. I have been working with Elder Tyler on this. Anyway, that is a journal of some wolf in Siberia that was studying magic. He hypothesised that... well, he thinks that either the wolf is a spell or a demon. He thought it more likely that it was a spell that had been tainted with personality by everyone that used it. He was working on how to isolate the spell from the individual so that everyone didn't have to be werewolves." Donovan picked up the scroll and frowned. "We haven't figured out everything in this scroll but, it says something about taking back the gift of the wolf from unworthy people. We think that it used to be common practice to kull the numbers of the wolf, but there are some scrolls that we've found that says the fewer in a pack that had the wolf, the crazier or stronger the wolf was. Some scrolls say the individuals went mad with the wolf."

Donovan looked up at Katherine. "I don't know if I can, but I think I owe it to you to find a way for you to be free of this. Accept what you are because you can't be happy until you can stop fussing over it, but if we can find a way to get the wolf out of you, you can go back to being a normal person. I think there are a lot of individuals that would be happy to go back to being a normal person." Donovan ran a hand through his hair. "It would be a good idea to be able to take the wolf from people that were going crazy."

Katherine kicked him in the leg and glared at him. "First you tell me to accept, then you tell me that you might be able to find a way to take it away? Make up your damn mind." Donovan blinked up in surprise at her. Katherine felt good to be angry. It felt like she was in control of the situation. She felt her wolf curious about what was going on, but unable to understand it. She pushed it down and stood defiantely.

"I am a wolf," Katherine said. She had meant to sound sure of herself, but it came out just a little too timid. She repeated herself until it sounded confident. Donovan watched her warily. "It is a good idea to find out about it, especially if there could be a way to take away the wolf's conciousness. But I... I am a wolf and I liked running like a wolf. I liked hunting and the joy of the chase. So I don't need to be free of anything. It would be good to know how, if later we need to for someone, but I am going to be a wolf."

Donovan nodded. He didn't move, just waited to see what would happen next.