16 comments/ 40367 views/ 26 favorites Thesis Topic 23 By: jsmt Lillian was the first to enter the small auditorium of the university. She was very nervous. Today the 30 students pursuing a psychology degree will be assigned their thesis topic by a draw. It was the first year that the students didn't choose their own topics. The previous year there were a couple of cases of academic fraud. In both cases the students confessed they had proposed a subject for which they knew the existence of an unpublished research paper. There were rumors that the practice was frequent. That scandal leaded the college authorities to choose a draw to avoid such kind of plagiarism. Lillian was nervous and disappointed, the uncertainty was killing her. She was used to carefully plan every detail of her career and her life. She was a very focused girl, even a single minded one. Everything she did she did it for a purpose, always putting little pieces together to build the future that she had envisioned for herself. At 21 she was the youngest senior student and her grades were probably the best of her class. She was a pretty girl, with a slim figure and beautiful legs, her breasts were small but perky and she had a beautiful, innocent looking face with green eyes and long red hair that made her very attractive. In spite of her beauty she rarely dated. As everything in her life she had planned ahead the kind of man that she wanted and won't date anybody that doesn't fit that profile. She was trying to figure up how this random thesis will fit in her plans. Many of her classmates were interested in the clinical and sociological aspect of psychology but she despised those areas. She wanted to use her knowledge of the human mind to build a successful business career. She had planned to do her thesis about the traits that made women succeed in business and politics, as a matter of fact she was already familiar of previous research and theories and had made a list of relevant persons that she wanted to interview for her own research. As part of her career plan, Lillian had applied for an internship at Johnson & Carter, a very important personal recruitment firm and she got the position in spite of her young age. Her plan was to acquire experience and become very successful at predicting people success, especially women success. Her thesis and her access to hundreds of personal files will help her a lot. She had planned that after 5 years she will write her first book and then she will start consulting human resources departments all around the country. At any time she will find a business man that would be wealthy enough and a true gentleman that respected and encouraged her wish to develop her own successful career. She wanted the man to be wealthy not to maintain her but as a measure of success and self confidence and as mean to contribute with the right connections to push her own career. The auditorium started to fill with students, everybody was talking animatedly. Lillian was quiet and fidgeted from one leg to another while biting her lower lip, she looked cute. Today she had rushed to the university and wasn't dressed in her usual business-like attires. She was wearing a t-shirt, jeans, snickers and no makeup at all and looked like a high school girl more than a senior college student. She hated her childish looks. She was the youngest in her class and looking even younger than she was only contributed to make her feel like she didn't belong which caused her some insecurities, that was why she always wore serious clothes, high heels and expertly applied makeup, specially to cover the freckles that still decorated her cheekbones and nose making her feel like a school girl. In the last few weeks every graduating student had proposed a research topic and had made the sustentations of why that topic was relevant. Lillian had debated with herself if she should propose her favorite subject or not. It was very unlikely that she was assigned it and the possibility of other girl doing it made her jealous, but at the end she resolved that even a tiny chance was better than nothing and she found some relief thinking that her subject could be assigned to a male student, specially the machos like John Wallace, "That will teach them some respect for accomplished women", she thought. The teacher entered the room and without saying a word he waited patiently until all the talking and whispering ceased completely. He put 30 identical envelopes and a bunch of printed sheets on the desk, and then turning to see the students he finally said. "I have this list with your names that was sorted randomly with a procedure approved by the statistical department chief to be as fair as possible. When I call your name, you will come to my desk and you will choose and envelope, any envelope, you will write your name and the number of the envelope in this form and you will sign it, then you will leave the room and only then, you will open the envelope. This form states your acceptance of the topic. You may reject the subject and try again next semester but the failed thesis will be on your record and remember that you have only two chances to accomplish your thesis. Is everything clear?" After a few questions everybody got the procedure and the draw started. After just 5 students, Lillian was called, she looked at the envelopes hesitantly. "Which one is my proposal?", she thought, "Well, it is impossible to know, I just hope that I get a good topic, one that let me shine, a paper that could kick start my career". "Please Ms. Gordon, hurry with your pick there are 25 students waiting". Lillian picked the one in the center of the pile of envelopes and quickly filled her form. "Lillian Gordon, Thesis Topic: 23". Lillian signed it and filled with apprehension and curiosity she left the room as fast as she could. Once outside the room she opened her envelope: "Assessment and Identification of core psychological features of young females working for the pornographic industry using a case study approach" Lillian was red with shame and rage. "This is surely the idea of a stupid bastard like John Wallace. He surely wanted to have the opportunity to interview a porno star with the excuse of a psychological research. This topic is stupid and a drag and .... And it will be a shame to show in my curriculum. And What will I get from talking with those low life scums? Nothing! Shit!". Lillian went home and tried to plan a way out. She had her first thesis counseling meeting in a couple of days and she wanted to change her situation. She analyzed her possibilities. "I can't simply drop the topic, I would lose a semester and my almost certain cum laude. I may try to discredit the topic so it is declared unprofessional or something but a panel had already revised and approved every proposed subject. I can't allege religious reasons because to be admitted to this university I already signed that I won't claim such a thing.", Lillian saw no doors opened but she resolved, "I will try to get some sympathy from my thesis counselor and get her help to find a method to change the subject, I will suggest all these options maybe she could find a way to twist one of them into a feasible argument". But a couple of days later her counselor was talking calmly with her, "No Lillian, there is no way to change the assigned subject, the rules are made to that objective.", she was thinking, "Not to mention that I was the thesis counselor of one of the cheating students of the last year, and I barely avoided an investigation. Trying to change the subject of my pupil will look very bad". Lillian was on the verge of crying she was trapped with that stupid topic. She opted for her last resource, "Ms.Barbara, may I at least change the research approach. I could make a very interesting meta-study, I already have several hypothesis that could be better proven by a meta-study than by and individual interview." Barbara Smith made a hand motion signaling Lillian to continue. "I have the hypothesis that the girls in that industry have sociological drawbacks but psychologically are people with low self-stem, maybe low IQ and no academic achievements and lacking clear goals for their lives, promiscuous people that most probably initiated sex life at a very short age in relationships without love. They most probably have a strong tendency to exhibitionism . I also think that they are easily manipulated thanks to their lack of goals and sense of direction as well as their poor will power. They were surely rose by dysfunctional families" Barbara nodded slightly, she was a good psychologist, she was used listen the other people until they finish exposing their ideas. Lillian continued, "I could make an extensive analysis of other people's researches, a meta-study, to see if my hypothesis could be proven thru them". Lillian was satisfied with her exposition, if she could not avoid that horrid topic, she could at least do it in the most detached way. She knew that doing a lot of library work wasn't as exciting as doing some real field research, and she knew that people in the field didn't give too much professional value to this kind of research, they often called those meta studies "high school papers", but given the subject she considered it a lot better alternative than expend weeks interviewing some bimbo. Barbara silently analyzed the possibilities for a few minutes then said, "It would be a disappointment that such a brilliant student as you do a lame approach to an interesting subject. I think that the case study approach could suggest another causes than the stereotypes that you described. A meta study will simply make you walk the same trails that everybody else walked before, a case study approach on the other hand could lead you to find some new avenues for studies and researches that other students could continue after you". "But Ms. Barbara....", Lillian was pale, she never considered that she couldn't get even this little concession, and was about to argument in favor of her proposal but this time Barbara decided to interrupt her, "Listen Lillian, I know that you feel uncomfortable with sexual subjects. I noticed since the first semesters that you had always a very clinic, very detached approach to the classes regarding sexual matters.", as a Psychologist Barbara couldn't refrain from some speculation, "Maybe it is because since you were young your classmates were always older and more sexually mature than you", Lillian blushed with shame and anger, since she skipped a couple of years in middle school she was always behind in her development but even now as a fully developed 21 year old woman some of her classmates called her "the nun" behind her back and John openly called her "the ice cube" saying that she was as frigid as the north pole. Barbara continued, "I am not criticizing you, nor judging you, as a matter of fact there is nothing to be ashamed of, but I believe that this time you aversion is blinding you, because you surely understand that the case study approach is better for this thesis than the meta-study". "What aversion? I don't have any aversion...", "My mistake, I shouldn't have say that, I am sorry. But that is not what we are discussing here, the question is: Is the meta study a better approach or could it only perpetuate the same ideas forever? Wouldn't it be more interesting and more likely to break new ground if you use the case study approach? Tell me, do you really believe a meta study has more potential or are you simply avoiding the case study because you are still uncomfortable discussing sex in a direct interview?". Lillian felt trapped. She didn't like to do lengthy interviews to some whore but she didn't like to look childish either. "You are right Ms. Barbara. I hadn't see the potential of the case study, the way you put it make it look a lot more interesting than the meta study...". Before Lillian could back off, Barbara continued, "Ok. See you in two weeks, I would like to see you plan to develop this project and a calendar. Now if you allow me, I have to see another student". Lillian left the office defeated. For the next few days she submerged herself in her internship job. Well, the real job would start in a few weeks, for now she had to attend only once a week for training and some reading assignments. It was a really good opportunity, the job offered a good deal of experience in her area and it paid $25 per hour, not bad for an internship job, and the best of all was that they were strong chances of making a career there. She wanted to make a very good impression that put her well beyond the other interns, she had hoped that her thesis would be her presentation card in the business world, she had many times dreamed that she would subtly let her coworkers know about her thesis, maybe 'forgetting' her notes where somebody could see them or something like that. And at some point she would openly let them know about every successful and powerful woman that she had interviewed. In her dreams she got admiration and jealousy from her coworkers. In the reality she made every effort to keep her thesis topic secret. Three weeks later she was finishing her meeting with Ms. Barbara," ... so this was my script for the first interview, next week I will present you a more detailed script for each of the rest of the planned interviews...", Ms Barbara saw the need to interrupt her again. "Lillian. You know you don't need a more detailed interview script. You already have the general themes that you wish to talk about in each session. I had approved your approach since last week, you will have interviews with the selected person about her life history and backgrounds, her education, her motivations in life, her sexual life and desires, and finally her conscientious reasons to decide to enter the pornographic industry. You should detail the next interview only after you completed the previous one and see where it leads you. In my opinion the most urgent activity now is to find the research target individual. Are you avoiding that?" "No. Of course.... I already have some alternatives...", but she really didn't have a clue. A couple of weeks later Ms Barbara told her, "Lillian, you are putting your cum-laude at risk, even your graduation is in jeopardy. I don't see any effort to accomplish this task, and I am not willing to lose my time counseling you for a thesis that you are not really trying to write." "No I am really trying.... Really" "Who is your research target?" "I had contacted several starlets but no one wants to talk with me for several long interviews, not even after I offer to pay them. Maybe I could change the thesis subject due the impossibility to find a research target..." "That is out of the question. Are you or Aren't you capable to do psychological research? Right now I really don't know. Return next week with the transcript of the preliminary interview with the research target and prove me that you are capable". The following week came too quick and she didn't want to go empty handed, so she fabricated an interview with some data she extracted from the biography of a porno actress. Ms Barbara read the couple of pages with the transcript and said very seriously, "Listen Lillian this is not a game. This is a fabricated interview, this is academic fraud and I will report it, the board is very sensitive to these issues right now. Most probably you will be expelled, no graduation opportunities for you after that." "Please Ms Barbara give me another chance...", Lillian never in her life thought she could be begging for academic mercy ,she was openly crying and telling Ms Barbara that she really had contacted a few porno stars but everybody had rejected her approaches and she didn't know what to do. She begged for more time. "OK. Lillian I will let this gaffe slip.... for now, but if you try to fool me again I will report you immediately and you surely will be expelled. Is that clear?", Lillian was frightened and slowly nodded. Ms. Barbara continued, "On the other hand, I am here to help you, let me think about your problem for a moment". For a few minutes Ms Barbara used her computer while Lillian managed to calm herself down. Finally Ms Barbara seemed satisfied and talked, "Listen Lillian, your approach could be wrong, it is hard to get the well established stars to talk to you, It could be embarrassing and time consuming for them and they really don't get anything from it, you have better chances with rookies and people just trying to enter the industry, and they would also probably be more spontaneous.", she printed something and handed the page to Lillian. "These are the address and schedules for a couple of porno auditions for young women. The applicants are maybe struggling and I am pretty sure that with a little bit of money, you may be able to convince one to participate in your study. Lillian felt relieved. She focused her efforts again. She had now a task at hand. She went to the first audition and she pretended to be one more girl while she observed the different girls. She found most of them intimidating, many looked like gang members or street whores. Most of them had tattoos that Lillian found both disgusting and intimidating. She wanted to run out of there but she managed to control herself and stay focused. She then saw small group of girls, they looked like sluts but were more normal, specially a beautiful brunette with what seemed to be only natural breasts around. She had a pleasant smile and looked more educated and classy than the rest even when she was dressed like a big slut with a tiny red short and an even smaller yellow tube top that barely covered her natural 34C cup tits. Lillian thought, "I rather talk with that brunette than with any other woman in this room, and she looks savable, maybe I can use my psychological knowledge to help her drive her life to a better direction". When the brunette entered the audition room, Lillian left and waited for her outside. The other girls made scornful sounds thinking that she had chickened. When the brunette left the building she looked disappointed, Lillian approached her, "May I have a little chat with you?" "If you want to know how it went, well they didn't even let me take off my clothes, the director said that I was very pretty but didn't have the look they were looking for", she sighed and said, "at least he gave me his card, and told me that a friend of his will be auditing girls in a couple of weeks or so and I should go and say he recommends me. If you want an advice, you have to go to every audition, it is the only way to get a job because you never know what are they looking for". Lillian smiled nervously at being mistaken for an applicant, "No, listen I am a psychology student doing some research, and I would like to interview you...." "Hey I am not a nut case! look anywhere else" "No please is a research about women in the pornography industry, you know models" " I told you. Look for another girl." "I can pay you for each interview" The brunette stopped. She looked interested for the first time, "How much?" Lillian had not thought much about it but making a quick mental calculation of her available money and the estimated time she said "$25 per hour". "Per Hour? What kind of interview is that?" "It is for my thesis", Lillian then tried to keep it simple, "With the help of your interviews I will try to portrait the psychology of pornography models. It will take a few interviews of several hours each one. What's your name?" "Karen" Lillian remembered a sales training that she took some time ago and pressed for the closing, "When can we start Karen?" "Hey, I hadn't accepted yet. I don't want to be your lab rat and be exposed to all your snotty classmates or something", She was jobless and completely broke at that moment and the money was pretty attractive. Thesis Topic 23 "Don't worry your name and image will be known only by me and my counselor for the rest you will be known only as YOUNG WOMAN #1. " "OK. Deal" Then she exchanged some personal data and Lillian took a photo of Karen alone in her slutty outfit and one with her as a proof. Her next meeting with Barbara was a success, she applauded her bravery and told her that she expected that the project marched well from then on. Lillian agreed with Karen to make the interviews at Karen's apartment. She shared it with another girl but she wasn't there during most of the day due to her job. The first couple of interviews where very useful for Lillian although she felt very uncomfortable because Karen always was dressed in scant clothing. She had managed to profile a good part of Karen's biography and academic life. Her mother had died when she was eleven and her father loved her but worked in a sea oil platform and came to land only a few weeks per year. She had been a pretty good high school student but it wasn't enough to get a scholarship. She studied accounting in a community college but she didn't graduate because she had to quit when the money got tight and she had gotten a full time job as a waitress. She felt trapped and lonely, her father was rarely home and most of her friends had gone to colleges outside her town. So one day she traveled to the west coast looking for better opportunities. Things hadn't improved much, she had had a few temp waitress jobs and she had danced in a strip club and had posed for a couple of nude photo shoots. The money was good and quick, so she was looking for more jobs in that vein. When Lillian presented her interviews to Barbara, she was very pleased with her advance, even when it was still only superficial, it was promising and she already had a talkative research target. On the third appointment Karen received Lillian wearing nothing but an almost transparent robe. Lillian thought that was just too much, "Listen Karen, it is important that you feel comfortable in our interviews but that attire is frankly outrageous. I know you are a slut but come on, you are practically naked, and the way you sit, well, you are not hiding anything. You must understand that we are not such close friends, you must wear more conservative when we met. Don't you have any jeans and t-shirts, like decent people?" Karen felt a wave of humiliation and rage and exploded, "I can't do this anymore. You are what?, three years younger than me? and you are always patronizing me, judging me. You don't even know pornography and you try to explain why people acts in those films. You are a self centered bitch. The deal is over, go away" Karen was not entirely convinced to stop the interviews but the reality was the money was less tight now that she had earned $200 and she thought that she had a better leverage to bring down that uppity bitch a peg or two. Lillian panicked, that would return her to square one and she had a very tight schedule to end her thesis on time after all the weeks that she lost with her indecision. She admitted to herself that her outburst was really stupid and inopportune . She decided to control the damage so she could restart her work. She feigned repenting trying to tranquilize Karen. "I am sorry, you are right. I was really insensitive.", but she could not avoid to transparent her real feelings and lack of interest, specially when she didn't even pause for Karen's reaction and said, "Could we continue now? I need to talk about the beginning of your sex life and ...." "NO. Listen. ", now Karen was really pissed, "This little bitch is trying to manipulate me, let's see who has the upper hand", she thought. "Lillian, you are analyzing me like if I were a lab animal, you are not even trying to really understand me at a really human level, you are just trying to comply with some academic requisite but you are asking me to bare my soul while you judge me and despise me. I really can't take it anymore. I quit.". Lillian realized that the situation was turning really serious and pondered her options. She could bluff and accept that the deal was over and then maybe Karen would back off because she needed the money, but that was really risky, if Karen really backed off, she simply would fail her thesis, she just didn't have time to find another research subject, and catch up with the interviews, not to mention that losing her subject would look very bad to Ms. Barbara. No she had to cool down Karen and make some compromises in order to continue. "I am really sorry. I accept my mistake, I will really try to understand you this time, and we can make the interviews in the way that you feel more comfortable. Could you still be my subject, please?" Karen saw weakness and for a moment thought in saying no just to make her suffer but she managed to remain rational, take advantage of the situation and get some money and fun. "OK, but it had to be under my rules" Lillian didn't like her position but she kept herself focused on her goals, "I just have to interview this bitch three more times for 4 hours to complete the 20 hours required for the thesis. I can swallow my pride to get my goals", she thought, and said "And what are those rules?" "First. If you really are trying to understand this world, you have to know it. You will come here and look at porn for two hours in your laptop before the interviews. I will send you links and I will test you to know that you really looked at them" "I don't think that is necessary..." "Then you may go", said Karen hopping that she didn't. "OK. Can it be half an hour, I am really very busy and ... " "NO. I think it is very necessary so we can talk on a common ground. But I will make a compromise my self: I will wear jeans and a T-Shirt for the interviews" Lillian saw a little victory and agreed on the two hours. "Maybe that bitch Ms Barbara would like me to know more about porn anyway", she thought. "Second. When you are at my place you will wear what I tell you. Being the less dressed person in a place will help you get some of the feelings of the porno models that you are trying to analyze." Lillian instinctively closed the upper button of her blazer, she was wearing a business attire as usual. That was just too much and unjustifiable and she decided to set a limit, "No Karen, I need to maintain my professional image, it is better for the interviews..." "Bullshit, your image of authority is intimidating and a barrier for a better communication and you know it and you still don't want to empathize with me, you don't even dare to dress like me. You'll surely portray me as a degenerated monster and I don't want that". Karen eyes were teary and Lillian felt bad, maybe she was right. "OK. I can do that. Just to make you feel better. It is not big deal". Karen smiled slightly and said, "Thanks, Lillian I really appreciate it, maybe we can restart tomorrow on better terms. And don't worry it could even be fun". The next morning Lillian arrived at Karen's department, she was wearing a t-shirt and jeans and no makeup. She thought "Why bother?", She was received by Karen that was dressed very similar. Lillian was surprised, with this more standard attire Karen looked not different from Lillian's classmates. This time Karen leaded Lillian to her bedroom instead of the living room as usual. There over the bed was the same outfit that Karen was wearing the first time they met. Lillian blushed the symbolism was too much, but she shake out the idea and changed into it. She had to spare the bra because the tube top won't cover the straps and it would look worse than nothing. She was a bit shorter than Karen and a little bit flatter so the short and the tube top covered her a little more, still she had never wore anything that small, she even had to take off her granny panties because they showed over the shorts and under them. She was wearing high heels as usual trying to disguise her short stature, but now she regret it because using high heels with shorts looked extremely slutty, after a little hesitation she decided to go barefoot thinking she would look casual like just getting out of the bed. She looked at her reflection in a full body mirror that was attached to the bedroom door. "I look like a high school girl in a pajama party", she thought while biting her lower lip, "like a slutty high school girl". She was having second thoughts and had to summon all her courage to leave the bedroom. Karen immediately closed it with key, leaving Lillian's clothes locked inside. Lillian felt a wave of apprehension being trapped in those slutty clothes, but she calmed herself thinking that nobody but Karen would see her and Karen knew she wasn't like that, that she wasn't a slut. "Hey, You look great" Lillian blushed, she hated the way she looked, it made her feel dirty and low class, but most of all she felt insecure, deprived from her make up, high heels and clothes she felt that she didn't portray the image of a self confident college girl who was near to finish her bachelor degree with honors instead she looked like a slutty high school girl, still she didn't want to contradict Karen. She didn't know what else to say so she just replied meekly "Thanks" while looking at the floor. "Come on, you may work on the kitchen table. Check your email, I already sent your 'assignment' for today. I will back in a couple of hours for the interview. Enjoy" She left a bunch of links and a long questionnaire. It looked like Karen had put a lot of work in this. First there was a list of 20 links, each one pointed to a video of a girl stripping, and some times touching herself. According to the questionnaire, Lillian had to say how the girl looked in terms of age, education and lifestyle. She then had to answer if the girl was aroused, ashamed or both. And explain why. She had to explain which videos were hotter and why. If the girl was masturbating, Lillian had to describe her technique. Lillian felt very strange, it was almost surrealistic, if anybody could see her now, they would only see a slutty girl barefoot and barely dressed with cheap clothes looking at internet porn in the deteriorated kitchen of a low class neighborhood apartment in the middle of the morning. She shivered, "I guess that no one of my classmates looks like this as they research for their thesis", she thought. She shacked that thought away and concentrated in the task at hand. She really had to pay attention to be able to answer Karen's questions, but she managed to remain as detached from the pornographic scenes as possible by answering with technical words and clinical descriptions of the videos, her text was full of phrases like, "The blond girl looked probably lower middle class with no education beyond high school and manifested an intrinsic exhibitionism because in spite of her normal body reactions to embarrassment like her slight blushing, she nonetheless got sexual gratification from the exposure as noted by her obvious arousal.... The brunet cheerleader masturbation technique consisted mainly in the stimulation of the clitoris using a couple of fingers in a circular movement while the red head preferred a deep vaginal penetration alternated with the manipulation of her mammary glandes which seemed to be very erogenous for her". When Karen arrived she grabbed the questionnaire and after a brief look, she stored it in a brief case that she had been carrying and they started with the interview. The interview proceeded more less normally except for a power shift with Karen taking more and more the authoritative role. It was maybe because of the weakness that Lillian had shown or maybe because the insecurity that her state of undress caused her, specially when Karen was fully and decently dressed. During the interview, Karen forbid Lillian to use technical words arguing that she could not follow the conversation but when Lillian offered to explain the meaning of the words Karen protested that she only was trying to make her feel ignorant. In the end Lillian agreed to avoid those words. Karen was amused and soon asked Lillian to stop using other words that she said were complicated. By the end of the interview Lillian was using mostly the language of a High school student. After just an hour of interview, Karen said, "Listen Lillian, I am tired, these interviews are exhausting, I think that from now on we will keep them under one hour", seeing Lillian desperate face, Karen continued, "but we can have them daily if you want, and you may stay after the interviews, maybe you can get some things by just observing me instead of your tiresome questions". Lillian thought about the implications, she had originally planned a couple of 4 hours interviews this week and one for the next. "I need another 11 hours of interviews and I just have this week and the next to complete them. It is only Tuesday. Can you help me make this on time? " "Don't worry , you may come on Saturdays too and I will give you an extra hour one day so you can complete it within time. I only have one condition: I am telling you all about my self and I don't know anything about you, I would like that you stay for a while, maybe an hour or something like that after the interviews, so we can share some time together. It would really make me feel more comfortable because the interview questions are getting more and more personal". Lillian hated the deal. She would have to come daily for almost two weeks and comply with Karen's foolish rules and invest 4 hours for each hour of interview, but she didn't want to argue with her and risk worsening the situation, at least with this arrangement she won't delay her thesis. "I would have to make arrangements with my internship job to enter at 13:30 instead of 13:00 for a few days". ---0— The next day Lillian started a new routine. She arrived to Karen's apartment a few minutes before nine wearing her business outfit and carrying a bag with her makeup. She took off all of her clothes except a white bikini panty that she bought for the occasion so her panty didn't result bigger than her outer clothes like the previous day. Then she dressed in the tiny purple mini skirt and a short white thank top that left most of her abdomen visible and was made of a very thin fabric that barely covered her. She noticed that Karen had escalated the slut level of the outfit but didn't say anything, "If she wears this kind of attire in public I can be brave enough to wear it inside the apartment". The reality was that Karen had never worn these clothes outside her apartment, the outfit that she wore for the audition was in fact her most daring one, she bought it specially for the audition thinking that a slutty look would help her get the job. When she agreed to make the interviews with Lillian she felt a bit insecure, after all she didn't considered herself a porno model, yes she had made that photo session with Mark, but he probably didn't even sell it. As a matter of fact the audition where she found Lillian was her first one since she broke up with Mark. She decided that she needed the money and this research thing was a less stressful way to earn it, so in order to avoid Lillian to decide she wasn't a good research subject she thought that she needed to look more like a real porno actress, so she had gone to a second hand clothes store and had bought a few items that she considered helped her to look the part, including her transparent robe. She had felt uncomfortable wearing those clothes in front of Lillian, but she imagined with amused satisfaction that the proud and mighty Lillian must be feeling much worse. After locking her bedroom with Lillian clothes inside, Karen said, "I am leaving again, I have to keep looking for a job. I left you a new 'assignment', you may work in the kitchen, but this time remember to avoid using fancy words while answering the questionnaire, as a matter of fact you have to start using the porno vocabulary so we can understand each other better. So remember no more 'vagina', 'penis', etc. I want you to use real life words like pussy, cunt, dick, whatever suits you, just don't use medical words." After that she left, and Lillian started her job again, just this time it was getting frustratingly hard to try to remain detached from the videos. First because the videos were getting more hard core, not that she hadn't seen things like that before, as a matter of fact she had seen porn as part of her sexual psychology classes, but having to comment them with crude words somehow crumbled her defense of coldness. She started writing things like, "The blond slut is surely a high school drop out and she blows a black man's dick mainly licking all over his dick and balls but he seemed to prefer the cheap whore looking brunette's job who swallowed his entire dick while touching her own fake big tits". When Karen returned Lillian was completely absorbed in her task and was beginning to feel aroused. Thankfully she could hide her arousal and handed her answered questionnaire. Karen took a brief look at it and then stored it with the other one. Lillian managed to compose herself and interviewed Karen for an hour. She didn't advance all that she had planned maybe because she was a bit distracted and maybe because in her state she didn't want to talk much about sex for fear that her arousal returned. After the interview they chatted for a while and then watched tv until the agreed time. Then Lillian was allowed to dress in her business outfit and she expertly applied her makeup. In the end she looked maybe like a 23 or 24 business woman instead of her real age of 21 and far from the teenager slut image that she portrayed all morning. She went to her internship job, she was full of anticipation, it would be her first real day in the job. The next day was pretty much alike but in the fourth... Lillian had just changed and was wearing just blue bikini panties and a yellow t-shirt that went just a few inches bellow her tits. She was barefoot as usual and didn't wear makeup, her red hair was tied in a pony tail. She still preferred the just out the bed look because wearing makeup or shoes with these outfits would look absolutely slutty. She looked at her image in the full body mirror, this time however she surprised herself because her first thought was not how shameful she felt about dressing like that, which of course was still true, still this time she could not avoid to think, "How would I look with bigger tits". She felt more ashamed of this thought than of her state of dressing. She had always despised that kind of thinking that she believed belonged to women that let themselves to be objectified by a misogynist society that established a standard of beauty for them. "What am I thinking? I am an independent woman not some eye candy for a bunch of bastards. All this porno is getting into my mind but it only will make me more resolute to fight against sexism", she said to herself. Just then Karen entered the bedroom and said, "Lillian, I want to ask you a favor, you know as a friend. You may say yes or no, I won't push you or anything to get it.", Karen paused for a few seconds but Lillian made a sign for her to continue, "You know I have been looking for job, not only the audition, I have applied for several waitresses jobs and for a few clerical position. Then I found this add about a position in an accounting department, they offer a good pay and I know I am fully qualified but I don't know if I look the part and I am very weak at job interviews. I don't know if it is because of my looks or the way I talk but they usually don't take me seriously, if the interviewer is a man he could even flirt with me and I confess that I had slept with more than one of them hopping to be hired but it never happens", she sighed deeply and then said, "The interview is in three hours, I know I am a good candidate, and you work for a personal department, you must know some tricks. Can you help me?" Thesis Topic 23 Lillian thought, "I can get this girl out of the sex business and win a battle against this sexist society, even beat those sexist bastards at the personal departments. And Karen will be thankful and surely would make my life a lot easier" "OK. I'll help you. First let's see you wardrobe. There must be something better for you to wear, something that reflects confidence and capability" They browsed for Karen's clothes for a while, Lillian could not find anything that sent the right message, all of her clothes looked cheap, no-brand jeans and shirts, inexpensive skirts and quite a few slutty clothes, short miniskirts, tank tops, etc. Lillian felt disappointed, with those clothes she would be in disadvantage from the moment she entered the interviewer office. But Lillian was a very determined person and after just a little hesitation she said. "Why don't you try my business outfit?" "Are you sure?" Of course she wasn't sure, she hate the idea of this porno actress wearing her expensive clothes but she was determined to get a triumph for the feminism. "Yes, It really will improve your chances" Karen jumped at the chance, she quickly dressed in the outfit. The skirt was shorter on her, slightly above mid tight but it was still acceptable for business, the blouse was a little tighter but the blazer concealed the fact pretty well. She looked pretty good, serious with an air of restrained sexiness. Lillian looked at her and then said, "Ok, it is good so far, come on here". Then using her own cosmetics she started applying expertly the makeup and combing Karen's brunette hair in a wavy style. She looked at her art and said, "You look now more like a successful young executive than an accounting applicant but I am sure that it will help you to make them listen you. Now let's prepare the interview" They went to the kitchen table and Lillian pretended to be the interviewer, she had experience doing that, in the last few weeks she had made a lot of mock interviews in her training sessions at her internship. She used her experience to couch Karen in how to avoid common pitfalls. "What are you doing now? Are you working for another company at this moment?" Karen always feared that question, "no ma'am, I am currently unemployed". "No, no, no. Never say a thing like that, it makes you look defeated and it looks that you don't even control your own life. Better say something like: "I am re-launching my career, I felt that my life was stagnated when I lived in my hometown, so I took the chance and made this trip of self discovery. I feel a lot more self confident now and I really know what I want for my life. I have used this time to know my self better but I also have been preparing with a lot of self studying of business issues.", Lillian paused a bit to say, "that is true, isn't it? You told me that you spend a lot of time reading business magazines and internet sites" , then she continued, "so now I am ready to launch my business career, and I am pretty sure I can make a difference on your financial department, even if I start from a entry level position.", She paused a few seconds to see Karen's reaction and then concluded, "then you may add a few comments that make the person think that you really know about finances". After a few practices Karen was feeling more and more confident, maybe the fact that she was neatly dressed while her interviewer was dressed with tiny cheap clothes make her feel powerful enough to rebuff her and win the little mental matches that a job interview is full of. She thought amused, "Maybe I should picture my interviewer dressed like that". Lillian on the other hand was feeling more and more self-conscious and insecure and her questions and little traps were getting more obvious and childish, and she finally said impatiently, "Well, it is enough I think you are ready". Karen left her home feeling like a new woman. It was maybe the dress, maybe the little training or maybe after a few years accumulating defeats the fact that she was able to manipulate and boss around that educated girl made her feel powerful and capable of many things. Lillian felt relieved when Karen parted. On one hand she felt proud of herself because she had really boosted Karen's chances. "If she really gets out of this dead-end life of hers it will be my accomplishment, and I did it in less than two hours", but on the other hand she felt jealous, Karen was on her way to an interview which could get her dream job and she was well prepared and projected an image of success while she was stuck in an old kitchen projecting the very image of female failure, she was barely dressed and was looking at porn in the middle of the morning. She tried to shake that though out of her mind. She decided to concentrate in the task at hand, she opened Karen's email looking for instructions. There was the list of links and the questionnaire as usual, just this time it was accompanied by a new and strange request, "Please answer every question in first person as if you were the protagonist. It may sound weird but I sometime read that this exercise will further enhance your empathy with the models and thru them with me. I hope that this will really speed up and enhance your research interviews". For a moment Lillian considered the possibility that Karen was using psychological techniques to manipulate her, but then discarded the idea, "She is not that smart, and she is definitely ignorant, She must have read that in one of those girly magazines that have recipes for everything. She is most probably trying to impress me with her ideas, this won't help much but I' ll give a try to avoid pissing her, and if she is trying to manipulate me, she will soon know that I am not easily fooled and I have a very strong mind and will". But as she started to look at porn and write "her" doings, she was getting more and more involved in the porn scenes, and her language was becoming raunchier by the minute. Soon she was writing things like, "I am sucking a man's cock while doing a hand job to another man using my right hand and my horniness grows and grows until I feel the need to touch myself and I start first rubbing my clit then I fuck myself with two fingers. After I made them cum on my face I finally cum myself.", She was writing with her right hand while gently rubbing her pussy over her panties with the other. She became all flustered, then she realized, "oh, no my panties are all wet. I need to do something or that bitch will think that I am horny slut like her". She went to the bathroom, took off her panties, washed them in the lavatory and then used a hairdryer for maybe half an hour to dry them. When she was satisfied, she smelled them, and smiled satisfied, they smelt like soap. She was about to put them on when she decided to put them on the chair next to hers. "I don't have time for another wash. It is not that I will get aroused again, it's just that I don't want to sweat them and that Karen gets the wrong message" She restarted her viewing and her writing, "I am naked in the center of a rom, my hands are tied behind my back and I am sucking a black man's cock..", her arousal grew and grew and she decided to take off her shirt. She was now completely naked in other's people apartment. After just a few minutes of writing, she felt more daring, she took her tiny t-shirt and her panties and carried them to the living room, she put them over the low table and returned to the kitchen. Her heart was pounding hard, if somebody entered the apartment at that moment, the first thing they would see would be her clothes laying on the low table. "They would think I am the worst slut", but somehow that humiliating thought or the adrenalin of the fear of being discovered was making her hornier and the scenes in her computer weren't helping her. A wicked idea crossed her mind. It was completely stupid but she was too horny to think straight. She activated the webcam in her laptop then retired her chair 8 feet from the table and after a few adjustments she started recording. She touched her tits and pussy like she had seen the models do a thousand times in the last few days. She imagined that the video was being seen by a lot of horny teens and older guys. She even licked her fingers clean after inserting them in her very wet pussy, then she winked at the camera. Fortunately for her, she was so aroused that she came very fast, otherwise who knows to what point she would have taken her show. After she recovered from the best orgasm that she remembered, she felt immediately repented and exposed, she ran to the living room and got her clothes, she went to the bathroom and showered, taking care of not wetting her hair. She dried herself and put her t-shirt but decided to save the panties for the last minute because she still had 9 links to 'analyze'. At two o clock the front door opened startling Lillian, who quickly put on her panties, by then she was all sweated and had came two more times, all in all she had been seeing porn for three hours. The whole kitchen smelled of sex and her panties showed a wet spot in spite that she had just put them on. She closed her laptop and mumbled that she had been working in her notes. Then she realized the hour and panicked, she should had been in her job 30 minutes ago. She started screaming "I got a go now! Please give me my clothes", they both ran to the bedroom and Lillian immediately took off her t-shirt while Karen undressed fast. Lillian picked her clothes from the floor and put on her skirt over her stained panty and her blouse, there was no time for the bra or the pantyhose. She put the blazer, undid her ponytail and combed her hair using her hands while steeping over her shoes. She ran to the door and in a few minutes she was on a taxi on her way to her workplace. At the end of the afternoon she was sat in her boss office, hearing him lecture her. That day signified a big step back in her career and her boss was letting her know it. She was not only more than an hour late even after the 30 minutes permit that he had accepted. She was also reflecting a poor personal image. The quality of the business suit was simply not enough to make her look professional, it was all wrinkled, she was sweated and her hair was in disarray, she wasn't wearing any makeup, and she smelled... strange. But the main complain of her boss was the way that she conducted a couple of applicant interviews. They videotaped every interview for legal reasons and he had reviewed her performance because he had some doubts after the way she was dressed. In the videos she was nervous and was quickly overpowered and outsmarted by the novice job candidates. The reality was that by then she had thrown her panties in the trashcan because they smelled a lot, but being panty-less and bra-less aroused her a lot and soon she was sitting her bare ass on the chair for fear of leaving a wet spot in her skirt. In that state of undress she made the first interview and she was constantly distracted by the memories of Karen's practice and her shameful morning in Karen's kitchen, so she quickly felt her self confidence fly away while her arousal grew. She had to use her computer to remember the script of the interview and she even stammered and blushed ashamed in the last few questions. Mr. Palmer finally talked, "I had my doubts of hiring somebody so young as you but you made a very good first impression to us. I still have faith in you, and I believe that this was just a very bad day that doesn't show your real capacity. I will give you one more chance to show me that you are indeed a valuable professional", Lillian breathed with relief, she was expecting she would get fired. He continued, "but I can't risk our company reputation, the last person complained that your interview was too childish and he even thought that you may have been flirting with him with your body language". Lillian could not avoid to blush, she wasn't flirting, at least not on purpose, but she remembered that she was wondering how his penis would look like and maybe her body or face betrayed that thought. "I will maintain your internship but you will be working in the file department". Lillian was open mouthed, "One little mistake and this creep is sending me to do secretarial work", but she managed to calm herself and answered, "I am sorry I disappointed you, I am not normally like this, believe me, I had a very bad day. It is not an excuse but it is only to say that this was exceptional, and from now on you will have in me your best and more professional intern and I hope that once I recover your trust you may assign me more challenging matters". He softened a bit, "Yes of course, just show me that and you will be on a successful career path again", she smiled more at ease now, but he finished, "But I have to tell you: One more irresponsibility and you are out, we don't have time to work with unprofessional people. And by the way, while you are assigned to that department you will earn $12 per hour instead of $25 and you will have to change your shift for this position, now you will work from 9:00AM to 1:00PM ". The new schedule just complicated things but she didn't dare to protest, she only said, "Yes, sir". She went home depressed. "My career is going nowhere, not only I was assigned the most stupid thesis topic but now I had been demoted in my internship job", she sobbed for an hour or so, savoring her sadness until she finally fought back. "They want me to fail but I won't. I will be the best internship worker ever and I will make the best thesis even if it is about the worst subject". She went to bed more relaxed, and motivated. "I will get the most from Karen, even her more secret motivations. She was right in something, now that I had seen some porn, I got a lot more questions to make her and I think those questions will lead me to more interesting insights". The weekend was a blur, on Saturday afternoon she had meet with Karen at her apartment while her roommate was shopping. She interviewed her for couple of hours to make up for the missing Friday interview. The interview advanced slowly, maybe because Karen wasn't in the mood to talk about her sex life and maybe because Lillian didn't felt comfortable talking about sex sat scantly dressed in the same kitchen where she had that shameful behavior last Friday. The conversation constantly drifted out of topic and she learned that Karen had made a very good impression in her interview, and that she was very confident that she will receive an offer soon. On Monday Lillian went to her job neatly dressed as a successful young executive with a perfect makeup and perfect hairdo with the hope to impress her boss. But the day was very bad for her. First, the filling department was mostly isolated from the rest of the company, so nobody important will see her there. Then she noticed with anger that most of the girls assigned to the same job as she were high school girls. She felt humiliated but it got worse when she was assigned as a member of one team and she was put under the orders of a high school girl. The team was scanning and destroying all their old paper documents. Lillian as the newest member of the team was assigned the worst part of the job. Behind the filling department was a big warehouse full of boxes with old documents. The warehouse was dirty and lacked any air conditioning. Lilllian's job was to bring a box from the warehouse and then take an already processed box full of just scanned documents and carry it to the warehouse where she must use the document shredder to completely destroy the documents and then pick another box to take it to the filling office. Her clothes were completely inadequate for the job, soon she was sweating and her feet were in pain. She hid behind some boxes and took off her pantyhose, her blazer and quickly arranged her hair in a ponytail. When she returned from the office the next time she left her shoes beside the door, and then worked most of the time barefoot only putting her shoes to enter the office. At noon everybody went to lunch and she had to wait for them to give her another bunch of documents to destroy. Lillian returned to the warehouse and sat by the paper shredder she was bored and depressed and then a wicked idea crossed her mind. An hour later she was finally going home. She wasn't wearing any underwear, because the panties and bra that she had worn to work were now shredded into little pieces that laid bellow layers of destroyed documents. When she was leaving her new boss, Jean, said to her, "Listen Lilly, you did a great work today, but you are a little bit overdressed, you know it is your job which will cause a good impression, not your dress", Lillian had to swallow her pride, she hated being called Lily and she hated being patronized. Jean continued, "as you see we all come here in jeans and comfortable clothes. It is acceptable because we work in the background out of the sight of the customers and the bosses. You will be working the warehouse for the week, I know it is tiresome but it is the rule here for the new kids", Jen noted Lillian despair and tranquilized her, "Don't worry it will pass flying, and I recommend you to wear shorts and a tank top or something like that to cope with the heat. Don't worry, you are allowed to break the dress code while you are working at the warehouse, after all it is technically outside the office". She went to her home, took a long shower and dressed informally. She wanted to put the memories of her morning behind her. She tried to contact Karen but she didn't answer at home nor in her cell phone. She finally decided to check her computer and found an email from Karen. "Lillian We can't met today at 2:30PM because I already had an appointment for today and I wasn't able to change it in so short notice to adapt to your new job schedule. My roommate would be home early, so we better met at your place. I will be arriving at 6:30PM. I think we are really making a progress in the interviews, you are making a great job that surely will impress your teachers and classmates. However in spite of your effort to empathize, You surely had noticed that there is still a barrier in our communication, I am talking about the sexual aspects of the interview. For today's meeting, I promise to make my best effort to open up with you and tell you anything you need to know, but you need to loosen up and do the right questions. I think a symbolic act of waxing all of your pubic hair as most of us porno models do, will tear down the last barriers between us by showing me that you are really committed and by making you feel that it is not really a big deal. I will understand if you are not brave enough to do it, but I will think that you are not committed to really communicate with me at that level and I will quit so you don't lose any more time with me and go to find another person with whom you can really communicate." "Grrr", Lillian thought, she hated being manipulated. "She is surely just looking for an excuse to break our deal. She probably thinks that she will be working soon and she won't need the money anymore. She surely thinks I will chicken out, but she really doesn't know me". She went to the nearby mall and found the beauty parlor. She felt a little bit nervous to ask such a treatment, specially now that she knew that most porno actress did it, but she reunited her courage and said. "How much for a full bikini area wax depilation?" "It would be $50.00" Lillian expected it to be less expensive, but she was determined to do it. "Ok, let me pay you" The clerk opened a book and said, "Ok, we can schedule on Thursday afternoon, which hour would be better for you?" "Thursday, No. I needed today", then she realized she looked too anxious and said, "I have a pool party and I need to look good in my new bikini", she blushed, she never had cared by that kind of things, she didn't even had a bikini.