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Ruined

By: edrider73



Many thanks to Wanting2BDesired for taking on a story so long that nobody will ever finish reading it and working hard to edit and improve it from a previous version. 

*

"I guess bad news travels fast," said Travis.

"I'm calling because I'd like to help," said Delilah.

"That's nice of you," he said. "I don't think there's anything you can do, but I promise I'll pay you back your $5,000. It may take a while, but eventually I'll return every cent that you and all my friends invested."

"That's a great goal, Travis," she said. "I knew you wouldn't let this get you down. After you lick your wounds and wait for the economy to get better, your next venture is going to be a huge success."

"There isn't going to be a next venture, Delilah," he said.

"What do you mean?" she said.

"I'm going home," he said. "I'll live with my parents for a while and look for work. Rent is cheap in the mountains, and I'll be able to move out of their house after I find a job. But I'm not coming back. This town has beaten me up, and I can't wait to get it into my rearview mirror."

"What are you talking about?" she said. "You told me how desperate you were to escape from your hometown. You said you felt like you were choking to death there. How can you go back?"

"I found out there were worse places," he said.

"Do I have anything to do with this?" she asked.

"It's a lot more than you, Delilah," he said. "Don't blame yourself. You didn't cause my financial problems. You are more like a symbol."

"What does that mean?" she said.

"What happened with you was one of the things that showed me I'm not cut out for this life," he said. "I thought I couldn't take the narrow-minded people back home. But that was before I met broad-minded, sophisticated city people. Back home, I felt like a hundred little knives were being stuck into me. But here, I feel like people are ripping my guts and heart right out of my body."

"I'm really sorry about us," she said. "But you're not a Southern hick anymore," said Delilah, "even though you sound like one. I know people tend to think a certain way about you when they first meet you and hear you -- just like I did. But once they get to know you, it's different. Didn't you once tell me your friends here are the greatest people you've ever known, and you would do anything for them and were sure they would do anything for you? Have you changed your mind?"

"No," said Travis. "You're right. My friends are wonderful. They're all trying to keep me here. It's not the friends that have worn me out. It's the others, the people who grind people like me into dust without even knowing us. Listen, I'm not making excuses. I made all the decisions that brought me where I am, and I'm the one deciding to get away from all this."

He heard her take a deep breath. "Is God telling you to do this?" she asked.

"Of course not," he said. "If you think that, then you still don't know anything about Christianity, Delilah."

"Do you think God is punishing you?" she said.

"That's just as stupid," he said. "I guess you haven't changed much since I last saw you. It's hard to believe it's been almost two years."

"I'm not that angry about your religious ideas anymore," she said. "I've thought a lot about us since we split. Now I realize that everyone, including me, has irrational superstitions. I'm sorry about how it ended, and I hope you believe me that I feel terrible about what's happening to you."

"Thank you, Delilah," he said. "I forgave you a long time ago, and I pray for you all the time because I know that you are a good person. I hope you'll forgive me some day for some of the unkind things I said to you."

"I knew you were going to say that," she said. "You haven't changed at all. It would be a waste of breath to try to get you to see that you didn't do anything wrong. It doesn't matter now anyway."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" he said.

"Forget it," she said. "Let's just say that I forgive you for whatever you think you did to me."

"Thanks, Delilah," he said. "That means a lot to me."

"I wish you well, Travis," she said. "I'm more upset about your going back home than about your bankruptcy. I hope you'll think about this some more. If all your friends think it's the wrong move, maybe you should listen to them."

"I've thought about it a lot," he said, "but I don't see any other way."

Five minutes after they hung up, the phone rang again.

"Hello," he said.

"It's Delilah," she said. "I've got to see you, Travis, and I won't take no for an answer. I'm not hanging up until we set up an appointment. You need to bring your laptop and all your financials."

When they met the next night at a coffee house, she said, "I'm sorry I was so pushy. I know I'm the last person in the world you want to see, but after we hung up yesterday, I realized that I might be able to help you, and I didn't even try.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to look at all the figures. There's got to be something I can find that will keep you from ruining your life."

"You're welcome to look," he said. "I've had other people analyzing this data, but none of them is a partner in the biggest private equity firm in town. I know if anyone can find something, you can, but I'm afraid there's nothing to find."

She wasn't listening to him. The screens flashed in front of her face as she drilled and crunched. Her eyes darted around the monitor as she scrolled and clicked. For 10 minutes, she didn't say a word, and then she muttered something softly and looked up.

"I'm sorry," she said as she reached into her purse. "I don't see anything yet that gives me hope, but I expected that."

"What are you doing?" he said,

"I'm downloading everything onto this thumb drive and taking it home with me," she said. "I know you've got only seven days left, so I'll work on this at home and call you."

"Thanks, Delilah," he said. "You really don't need to do this."

She removed the drive from his laptop and stood up stiffly. "I need to go," she said.

When she didn't call him for two days, he figured she was too embarrassed to tell him that even her keen mind couldn't find a way out of his mess. But on the third day, she called.

"I went over the figures again and again," she said, "and I couldn't find anything wrong with what you did. I would have done things exactly the same way. You just got unlucky with timing and that supplier who went under. It's only $15,000, isn't it?"

"Yes," he said quietly. "Isn't that funny? If I can get hold of $15,000 in the next four days, I can complete the deal that keeps me going for at least a year. In a few months, there will be plenty coming in. But if I don't get the $15,000, it all falls apart and I end up losing $20,000 and going bankrupt."

"I'm sure you tried every possible way to get a loan," she said. "I tried also, but no deal. I wish I could loan you the money myself, but I'm broke. It's just temporary, but right now I don't even have the collateral to get you the cash. I feel really bad."

"Don't feel bad, Delilah," said Travis. "I'm touched by what you did. I'll always remember you. Goodbye." He heard her voice on the phone as he hung up. He was worried that if the conversation continued, she might start apologizing to him, and if she did, he might break down, and that might make her feel worse. He didn't want the last contact he'd ever have with her to end that way.

The next night, she called him again, but her voice was a lot different.

"You hung up on me yesterday," she said, and she sounded like she was biting every word.

"I'm sorry, Delilah," he said. "When you told me you felt really bad, I thought I heard a lot of pain in your voice. I think you're still blaming yourself for something that's not your fault. I thought it would be better to end the conversation. But you sound a lot different today."

"That's not why I feel bad," she said. "You didn't give me a chance to tell you why."

"OK, go ahead and tell me," he said politely.

"I feel really bad because I gave you $5,000, and I'll never see it again," she said. Her voice had an edge of anger.

"But I told you I'd pay you back," he said.

"Great!" she said. "By the time you pay me back, the $5,000 will be worth half of that."

"I'll be paying you and everyone else interest on your investment," he said.

"How much interest, Travis?" she said, "2 per cent, 5 per cent, 20 per cent? I saw all your figures, and you know that if you can get through this crunch, there's a good chance my investment could be worth $50,000 in three years. That's what you're cheating me out of." The tone of her voice is as mean as her words, he thought. He wanted to ask what had happened to her, but he didn't say anything.

"So you're not going to respond," she said. "You've got nothing to say. You're just going to run away back to your little shack in the mountains and become one of those inbreeding cretins who go to church on Sunday to ask their God to forgive their perversions. You think that's going to be your deliverance?"

Her hateful words stung, but he didn't feel angry at her, just helpless. "What can I do?" he said.

"You can get the $15,000," she said, "but you won't do it because you're a hypocrite who's all holier than thou and prays for people on Sunday, but doesn't mind cheating them out of $50,000 on Monday."

"What are you talking about, Delilah?" he said. "Do you want me to do something illegal? If you've come up with some way for me to save my skin by screwing other people, I won't do it. You know me."

"Yes, I know you," she said. "You know exactly how you can make the $15,000, and it's not illegal, and it won't hurt anyone except you. But you'll never do it because you're so godly and so gutless that you'd rather hide in the hollows and betray the friends who believed in you and gave you their money."

"All right," he said, "Tell me how you think I can make that much in three days. That's $5,000 a day."

"There are guys doing that, but you could make it all in one day," she said.

"Who are these guys?" he said.

"The ugly overweight men," she said

When they started dating, Delilah began introducing him to her girlfriends. Like her, they made fun of how he talked and his beliefs. Sometimes their remarks were funny, but they could also get nasty and condescending. One he overheard a couple of them telling her she was crazy to encourage him because he was from a different planet than she was and their relationship was doomed..

The strange thing was that almost all of them eventually came around and became friendly. They'd defend him when others made snide remarks. A couple of them drank too much at a party, grabbed him and dragged him outside. In tears, they begged him to give them a second chance and told him they had advised Delilah to make sure he didn't get away and that they wished they could find someone like him. The only one who never warmed up to him was Grace.

She was a childhood friend of Delilah's, and they were still as close as they were in the days of the sleepovers that Grace loved to talk about. That was before she came out as a freshman in college, and sometimes Travis wondered what had happened when she and Delilah slept together all through high school. One time after they had been out with Grace and heard another sleepover story, Delilah told him that Grace made it sound like there were a lot more sleepovers than there actually were. She said that Grace may have been exploring her sexuality with her, but she was too naive to realize it, and she couldn't recall doing anything with her.

Travis asked her if she realized that Grace was courting her and hated him because he was a rival. Delilah said she knew that, and she was doing her best to not be together with both of them at the same time, but Grace was still one of her oldest and dearest friends.

Delilah wasn't religious, but Travis didn't mind. He told her once that even though he sometimes worried about her soul, most of the time he was sure that she would eventually come to the light because she was already living a holy life. The fact that she had made it to the top of her field and remained honest, ethical, moral and compassionate showed him that she treated people as if they were created in God's image, even if she didn't believe in God and sometimes mocked Travis for being a believer.

He especially admired her for the way she talked about her parents. She really looked up to them and was always doing things for them. He only met them once, and they didn't like him. They were nasty and condescending. He told that he looked forward to changing their minds about him, but she was embarrassed for him, and after that, she didn't talk about them to him anymore. He told her once that the fact that she honored them meant a lot more to him than what they thought of him.

Grace didn't hate only him. She hated all men, and when the three of them were together, she took pains to tell Delilah stories about men they both knew or famous male celebrities who had been caught cheating or having perverted sex. She also liked to bring up news stories about child molesters, and if they were priests or ministers, that was even better, because she could combine her hatred of religion with her hatred of men. She would talk to Delilah about all this while staring at Travis. He saw that her goal was to convince Delilah that all men were disgusting and that Travis was, too, or at least he would be if given the chance. Travis was sickened by her talk, but he never responded to her. He just tried to avoid her.

Later, he blamed himself for not noticing when things began to change and Delilah also began speaking coarsely and disparagingly about men in general. A couple of times, after she had said things out loud in company, he told her that what she said made people look at her. She told him he was imagining things. He told her he noticed that some of her friends were keeping away from her. She denied it and made excuses for why she didn't see them. He asked her if she talked about him that way when he wasn't around, and she swore she never had and never would. He told her he believed her.

They were with Grace at a noisy restaurant one night, and the two of them were having a conversation that was obviously amusing both of them on the other side of the small round table. Delilah and Grace were leaning over and saying things to each other and then cracking up in laughter. He couldn't hear them, and they apparently wanted it that way, but there were occasional quiet moments between songs on the speakers and conversations at nearby tables, and he picked up a few snatches of the conversation. He didn't understand what he heard, but it sounded disgusting.

He was quiet in the car on the way home, but when they were getting undressed for bed, he felt he had to speak. "What were you and Grace talking about tonight?" he said.

"Oh, you wouldn't be interested," said Delilah. "Forget it. I'm in a really good mood, and I want to get you in the same mood so let's hurry up and get to bed."

But he wouldn't let her change the subject. He mentioned some of the things he had overheard that disturbed him and kept pressing her. Finally, she got exasperated.

"You just won't let it go, will you?" she said. "All right, I'll tell you, but you'll be sorry, because you'll want to wash out your ears, and tomorrow you'll have to pray extra hard to God, so he will forgive you for asking.

"We were talking about Grace's new job. She's still in HR, but now she's with a company that runs websites. It's really big and successful, and most of the money comes from porn sites.

"Grace handles the legal releases for all the actors, and most of them are part time. She meets them in person because she has to witness their signatures. Most of them are good looking women and men, but she also noticed a lot of ugly overweight men, and she asked her boss about them.

"She found out that the ugly overweight men worked for male humiliation websites. Because of her job, she can go to any of the company's websites for free and download videos, so she's sent me some of the stuff from those sites.

"She said even though these men were making lots of money, the people working at the studios told her they would do it for nothing. The company just pays to protect itself against sexual slavery lawsuits. It makes huge profits from those sites, so what it pays the men is just a drop in the bucket anyway.

"Grace went to some studios and watched the men doing video shootings and live cams. The cams are where the men perform requests for people who pay to watch them in real time. Grace likes the fact that the men aren't really in charge. It's the beautiful women dressed in sexy outfits who are humiliating them. The women run the show and know how to do things to the men that connect with the audience.

"A lot of these women are lesbians like Grace, but she said a lot of them are like me. Most of them are doing it for the money, but some just enjoy degrading men. I don't mean that I would enjoy doing that to you. I would never want you to be humiliated. What I mean is you wouldn't think these women are any different from the average woman on the street until you see what they do in the studio.

"She said that the ugly overweight men enjoy it even more than the women. Can you believe these women do things like whipping or beating them with sticks until they bleed and kicking them in the balls? Grace said that sometimes it takes the men weeks to recover after performing, but they always come back for more.

"All sorts of things are stuck into their asses, including the entire hands of these women. The first time I saw a fisting, I thought it was fake computer animation, but Grace told me that it's done with a lot of lubrication and special techniques. Then she sent me some videos with two hands in a guy's anus. And then I got one with two hands inside a man and another women sticking her hand in the middle of the two hands, so there were three. I thought she couldn't top that until she sent me some videos of women who pushed their entire arm into the man, all the way to the shoulder. Are you OK?"

As she was describing the videos, Travis started feeling nauseous. His stomach was in knots, and he thought he might pass out, so he sat down on the bed and put his head down. Delilah walked over to him and smiled at him. Her face was sweaty, and her eyes were gleaming.

"You look a little green, Travis," she said. "I was going to tell you about some of the other things I saw, but I guess I'll wait for another time. I think this conversation has had an opposite effect on you from me. I'm going to get you a glass of water and get you settled down, and then I'm going to help you get those images out of your mind."

When he felt a little better, he told her didn't feel up to having sex that night, but she wouldn't be denied. She used all the tricks that she knew that would arouse him, and she finally succeeded. After that, she told him to just lie on his back and she would do all the work. He watched her as if he were outside of his body. He wasn't responding to her at all, but she was going crazy and came at least twice. I wonder if this feels anything like being raped, he thought. He eventually did have an orgasm, and when she felt him coming inside her, it set her off again.

The next few days, he was uneasy as he waited for her to bring up Grace and the ugly overweight men again, but she didn't. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't what she said that made him physically ill. It was because he was afraid for her soul. He knew she would laugh at him if he said that, so he said nothing. Later, what he called his cowardice was one of the things that haunted him.

He didn't see Grace for a while, but though he tried to avoid it, he overheard phone conversations between Delilah and her. They were all about Grace's job now, because her boss had noticed how beautiful and voluptuous Grace was and her interest in the ugly overweight men and asked her if she'd like to appear in a video where a veteran woman was teaching a novice how to humiliate men. Grace jumped at the chance, and she did so well that she became a regular on three different sites. They used wigs, makeup and costumes to make her a different person on each site.


Ruined



One day, Travis realized that he knew an awful lot about what Grace was doing even though he and Delilah never talked about her. The next time Grace called, he walked out of the living room into the kitchen. He saw Delilah walking with the cordless and stopping close enough to the kitchen that he could hear her. When he went into the bedroom, she moved just outside the bedroom door. She wants me to hear, he realized, and after she hung up, he accused her of pulling him into Grace's sleazy world against his will.

"This is the first time you've complained," she said. "I was beginning to think that Grace was right."

"What do you mean?" he said. He was surprised at how angry he sounded.

"She told me that a lot of the ugly overweight men remind her of you," she said. "Not the way they look, although she said there are a few gay men she humiliates who aren't bad looking. She has the feeling that a lot of the men are religious hypocrites, even though she never has conversations with them.

"I asked her why she would think that, and she said it's because most of them disguise themselves with makeup or wear a hood on their head or a mask during the video shoots and live cams, and most of them wear tight latex or leather outfits that cover up their bodies except for their genitals. She said, they love being mortified, but they don't want anyone to know it, and they probably pretend they are normal with their girlfriends or wives and go to church every Sunday to pray that God will forgive them. Then after a while, they come back for another session with her.

"She said you're probably like that, too, that you're pretending to me that you're one thing, but if you had the opportunity, you'd also wallow in filth. She suggested I let you hear our conversations. I told her how sick you got when I talked about the ugly overweight men, but she said you were probably faking it. I told her you'd ask me to go to another room or you'd leave the apartment if you heard us, but you didn't say anything until tonight. At least I was right when I told her you wouldn't ask me for more details."

"Don't you see what she's doing?" said Travis. "It's the same thing as before. She wants you, and I'm standing in her way, so she wants to destroy me in your eyes."

"I know that," said Delilah.

"Then why are you going along with her agenda?" he said.

"I'm not," she said. "She has her reasons for doing what she does, and I'm her friend. I don't have the right to judge her. You told me once that God is the only one who has the right to judge people. Are you taking that back?"

"You like to twist things to suit your convenience," he said. "God lets you and I make the choices between good and evil. I love you, and I'm just afraid you're making the wrong choices."

"But you love everybody, Travis," she said. "You told me you are commanded to love your enemy. So you love Grace, too. I should be jealous."

He gave up, and later, he blamed himself for that, too. "Let's give this a rest, Delilah," was all he said.

"You're the one who brought it up, Travis," she said.

Despite their different views of religion, there was one thing they had in common from the beginning of their relationship: their sex drives. One time, she joked about how his lust was as insatiable as hers and wasn't that wrong because they weren't joined together in God's eyes. When she saw how that wounded him, she never brought it up again.

He told her once that he knew fornication was a sin, but he didn't think when two unmarried people did it, it was as bad as adultery. He didn't tell her that he was worried that God might add up the number of times he fornicated with her and decide it was worse than stealing or bearing false witness. When he said he prayed for them both every Sunday, she told him she didn't want him to pray for her and to not tell her that again.

They both enjoyed each other's bodies and delighted in trying out new ways to excite each other. After one session when they were both glowing, Travis wondered if that was all that was holding them together. Maybe she thought of him as a pathetic religious fanatic who would satisfy her until she found someone who thought more like she did.

She did treat him with respect when it involved his business dealings. She admired his creativity and persistence, and she insisted on investing in his business. She was the one who approached friends of hers and his to invest, too.

There were no more overheard phone conversations, but something else began happening that bothered Travis more than the calls. She was trying out new things in bed. That wasn't the problem. She always did that, and he loved it. But lately everything was going in one direction. He wanted to say something, but he hesitated. She kept going in that direction, and finally he asked her.

"No, I'm not trying to hurt you or humiliate you," she said. "I thought you were enjoying what I was doing. You never stopped me, and I also noticed that your orgasms were huge. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing in particular," he said. "Am I imagining things, or is there a pattern? I've been wondering if your ideas are coming from the videos Grace sends you."

"You're right," she said. "Grace suggested I try out some of the things she does to the ugly overweight men. She's now writing all the scripts for her videos, and she told me she always thinks of you when she's trying to think up new ways to degrade the men. I get some ideas from what she does, but I always adjust them. I know what you like, so I remove the humiliating and painful parts and adapt everything to give you nothing but pleasure. She keeps pushing me to try more extreme things, but I told her I will never do that to you."

"When you watch those videos, you don't really know what's going on," he said. "They are edited to show the fantasies of the people who pay for them. There's no way to tell if the men she's hurting and degrading are really enjoying what she's doing to them."

"Oh, I know they are," she said. "I mean, you can tell."

He looked at her. She was avoiding his eyes.

"Just a minute," he said.

"I have to go to the bathroom," she said, starting to get up from the bed.

He grabbed her arm to stop her. He didn't pull her down, but he didn't let go. Finally, she sat down on the edge of the bed and looked straight ahead. He didn't let go of her arm, and she didn't try to pull his hand away.

"What do you want?" she said. He could hear fear in her voice.

"You know?" he said. "Have you been going to the studios with Grace?"

"Y-yes," she said.

"So you've been there watching her," he said. "Is that how you know what the men's reactions are?"

"Yes," she said. She was shivering now. Suddenly he no longer felt angry at her. He felt like his body was burning and being smothered at the same time. He wondered if this was how it would feel at the end of the world. He wanted to stop the end of the world, but he couldn't."

"That's not all, is it?" he said. His voice was barely above a whisper now.

"No," she said.

"Did she get you to perform in some of her videos?"

"Yes."

"Is that how you know about the men, because you were doing those things to them, too?"

"Yes."

"Did you just do this one time?"

"No."

Her "no" felt like a punch in the stomach. He decided he didn't want to know how many times. He was afraid she would tell him she was now a regular, just like Grace.

"Aren't you afraid that your family or friends might find out what you are doing?"

"I wear a wig and heavy makeup. I don't think even you could tell it's me."

"Don't you feel bad about the horrible things you are doing to those men?" he said.

Later, she told him that when he said that, she realized it was over, and the pain of knowing that made her lash out at him.

"Haven't I already told you that they love what I do to them," she said, "just like you loved it when I did the variations to you? Yes, I gave them what they wanted, and it was exciting. I didn't hurt anyone who didn't want to be hurt, and what I did to them wasn't anything that didn't heal in a week or two. Mostly I just humiliated them, and they loved every minute of it.

"You have no right to look down at me. You've enjoyed the things I learned. You are as selfish about your pleasure as I am. The only difference is that you go to church on Sunday and pretend you're sorry. I admit I had fun doing those things to the ugly overweight men.

"But it's nothing compared to the pleasure I get from being with you and watching you enjoy the new things I try with you.

"Grace is right. You can't admit who you really are. There are things inside you that you are hiding from yourself. You use religion to bottle these things up, but one day they are going to explode, and it might destroy you. Grace thinks you should come with us to the studio one time and watch us with the ugly overweight men. She thinks that might jolt you to dealing honestly with your feelings. She thinks you might surprise me and surprise yourself."

Travis began crying. He wanted to tell her again what Grace was doing. He wanted to ask her to never see Grace again. He wanted to tell her she was talking like this because the devil was inside her and was using her tongue. He wanted to tell her that it didn't matter if the men wanted her to mortify them, because every time she did, she took another step down the highway to hell. Later, he despised himself for not saying what was in his mind.

"Your friends told you from the beginning that I was too much of an ignorant hick for a girl like you," he said. "Most of them took it back. But the next time I see them, I'm going to tell them their first impression was the right one, and you and I should have listened to them.

"I thought we were good for each other, but it was a stupid fantasy. When I first met you, you toyed with me, but I saw you were kind and warm and good to your parents. Now you've become coarse and callous. I'd like to blame it on Grace, but she's always been in your life.

"I'm the one who failed you. You see how I love to fornicate with you, and then I'm ashamed and pray to be forgiven, and then I keep on doing it. No wonder you think what you're doing is not hurting anyone. Grace is right. I am disgusting.

"I've never seen one of those videos you and Grace make, but I imagine them in my mind now as I look at you. I don't see the ugly overweight men. They are just a blur. I see you and what you're doing to them. You're degrading yourself a hundred times more than you're degrading them, and that breaks my heart. I have to go."

He got up from the bed and didn't turn around. As he was dressing, he heard her sobbing behind him. When he was walking out of the bedroom, she screamed, "No!" He didn't turn around. There was nothing more to say.

When she mentioned the ugly overweight men on the phone just now, all the emotions of the night he walked out flooded over him. He didn't know what to say. He heard her breathing. It sounded as though she was taking deep breaths. Then came a really deep one, and she said, "You didn't say anything, Travis. Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes," he said.

"Do you understand me?" she said.

"No," he said.

"I'll spell it out for you," she said. "I talked to Grace, and she talked to one of her producers and showed her some photos of the three of us at the beach. The producer couldn't believe what great shape you are in.

"The ugly overweight men have to work a full shift that includes a few hours on the cams and a couple of videos for $5,000. But I went with Grace and negotiated for you and got them up to $10,000 for just one video. I haven't been working there lately, but some of my videos are still getting lots of clicks, so I told them I'd be in the video, too, if they went up to $15,000, and they went for it. They think the three of us are splitting the money, but Grace agreed that I could loan our share to you, and you could pay us back when you had the money."

Travis was starting to understand, but his mind was reeling. He heard her take another deep breath. "Are you there, Travis?" she said.

"Yes," he said. "I hear what you're saying, and it's beginning to sink in. You know what's funny? I'm remembering how you once told me you would never do to me what you were doing to those ugly overweight men because I wasn't like them. Now it turns out that I'm no different to you from those men after all."

He heard another sharp intake of breath on the phone, and then she said, in a mocking voice, "That's right, Travis. You walked out on me. You thought I was scum. I don't think you're so special anymore. If you do this, you will be the same as the ugly overweight men, except you'll get a lot more money for your pain and humiliation."

"I thought you told me those men wanted to be degraded and hurt," he said.

"Yes, they love it," she said, "and Grace says you will, too. And when you're done, you'll be able to keep your business, and my projections are that in a few years you'll be rich. I'll get my $50,000 and probably a lot more, and all your friends who believed in you will be rewarded. You'll be a big man in town, not a loser living in some shack with an outhouse in the back."

"You make it sound like you're doing me a favor," he said.

"Don't misunderstand me, Travis," she said. "If I hadn't looked at your books and seen the payoff you were cheating me out of, I wouldn't care if God told you to run like a coward. I even bet Grace $10 that you wouldn't have the guts to do this. She said I'd lose the bet because you'd pretend to you were appalled by the idea, all the time hiding how excited and aroused you are at being forced to do something you want to do anyway. Are you feeling aroused right now?"

He didn't tell her he was feeling nauseated by what she was saying. It was his fault that he hadn't tried to save her when he saw her falling. Now she had turned into the woman he was listening to.

He wondered if she was telling him the truth about his future prospects. He had believed her when she had told him that she would've loaned him the money he needed but had no cash to spare. But he knew she made a lot of money. Was she lying? Was this a scheme for her Grace to get revenge on him?

He heard her breathing slow and become steady. He rehearsed the words he would tell her, explaining why he couldn't do it. At first, he included God as one of the reasons, but then he decided that if he brought God down into this cesspool, he would fall even lower than she had. Finally, he decided on a cop-out.

"I need some time to think," he said. "I can't give you an answer now."

"You already have," she said. "I owe Grace $10. She told me that if you asked for more time, that meant you would do it. We have to reserve the studio today, so you have a couple of hours to call me back, even though you know you're going to do it."

She's right, he thought.

"Look at yourself in the mirror, Junior," said Grace when she and Delilah had finished squeezing him into his costume. He straightened up and turned to the full-length mirror.

Facing him was a naked blue man with patches of pink. He wasn't naked, but the thin blue Spandex was stretched so tightly on him that it seemed to be painted on. It covered his torso from his neck to his feet, except where he was naked from the belly button to the top of his thighs. The tight blue latex hood covering his head had cutouts for his eyes, his nostrils and his mouth. There were open patches in the latex that exposed his cheeks.

Grace reached around and grabbed his penis and testicles with her left hand. "I think you're starting to get excited already, Junior," she said as she manipulated them. "But try to control yourself so you don't come too fast. You'll be punished if you do. Or is that what you want anyway?"

When he had signed the papers an hour ago, Delilah had told him that she and Grace would call him Junior as they abused him verbally and that they would only do what he agreed to in the release. The list was on the second page, and she was going to turn over the first page so he could read it. He had the right to cross out some of the items, but the signing was being filmed and the producers were watching on monitors. If he crossed out too many items, they producers could stop the signing and re-negotiate or walk away from the whole deal.

"I don't want to know what you're going to do to me," he said. "Just show me where to sign."

"No, you have to read each item," said Delilah, "so the camera over there can record you doing it, and they can prove that you agreed to everything on the list, except those things you cross out. A couple of the men tried to sue the company, so now they don't take any chances."

He turned to face the camera. "I swear to God that I agree to whatever is written on Page 2," he said. 

"That's not good enough," said Delilah. "You have to read each item and then agree."

"Wait a minute," said Grace. She stood up and walked away from the table to where the producer was sitting. They talked for a couple of minutes, and then she came back.

"The producer decided that Travis's statement was good enough," Grace said. "He doesn't need to read the list if he doesn't want to."

"Yes he does," insisted Delilah. "There may be some things he can't handle, but he won't know until he sees what they are."

"I've got an idea," said Grace, and she took a pen and started writing. "I'm going to write something down on the bottom of the first page. Travis, you will read what I write and initial it. Then you will read it out loud. Then I'll cover the list on the top of Page 2, and you will sign at the bottom. If you don't want to do that, you will have to read the list. OK, read this, Travis."

He read it, and he froze. "Now, initial it," said Grace, "or else you're going to have to read the list. Or we'll call this whole thing off."

He signed his initials.

"Now read it out loud," said Grace.

"I'm not reading the list on Page 2 because I think the video will be more exciting if everything is a surprise to me," he said, and then he looked down. He felt horrible after he spoke, but he was scared that if he read the list, he might back out. Delilah had sent him a password and some links to the site they were shooting for, and he had opened five different links. But after a couple of minutes, he found that he was physically sick as he watched the beautiful, nearly naked women preparing to destroy the ugly overweight men. He wondered if one of them was Delilah in disguise. He turned off the videos before the women got started, but he still shuddered when he thought of them.

"I still want him to read the list," said Delilah. Her voice sounded strained.

"That's finished," said Grace. "Let it go, Delilah. I told you he wants to do this. I just gave him permission to admit it. See, he just signed the second page. It's time to prepare him."

"OK," said Delilah, but Travis could tell she wasn't happy. Why did she want me to read that list? he thought. Maybe she thinks it would destroy my mind even before they start on my body. How can she hate that much?

After he signed his name, he stood up and looked at Delilah. She was staring at him, but her face was a blank mask. She didn't move. It was Grace who took his hand, led him to the bathroom and pointed out the enema prep kits. "You have to be clean," she said. "If you don't want to do it yourself, I'll be glad to help." She laughed as he slammed the door in her face.

When he came out of the bathroom, he was moving slowly. He felt like he weighed 500 pounds, and all he wanted to do was fall on the floor and go to sleep. Delilah guided him into a chair next to a small table. "You're going to drink a couple of glasses of this," said Grace. "It's a sports drink with a lot of sugar in it. I know it doesn't taste good, but your body needs the water and the energy. We don't want you to get dehydrated. So sip it slowly while you rest here for a few minutes."




Ruined



Grace and Delilah sat down next to him and observed him. Delilah got up a few times and walked out of the room and then walked back and sat down again. Her face still showed no expression. When the rest period was over, she was all business as she and Grace brought him back to a padded table and helped him squeeze into a pink latex outfit and with a matching hood.

The lights went on and the cameras began filming. Grace started talking to him, but his mind was full of Delilah.

"You aren't listening, Junior," she said. "I'll punish you for that later, but now you need to come here and lie down. This ball gag is going in your mouth for a while, but in a few minutes, we'll take it off so we can hear you responding.

"Can you see me, Junior? My sister and I decided to wear matching outfits for you. We aren't wearing much, because we want you to see most of our breasts and butts while we punish you. My sister wants you to see all the goodies that you're never going to get again because you disrespected and insulted her."

Travis caught a glimpse of Delilah standing behind and to the side of Grace. Her face was no longer a mask. He shivered as he looked at her, because her expression showed she was horrified by what was going on. He looked away and silently said a prayer for her.

"You're going to come today, Junior," said Grace, "but it's not going to be fun like it used to be. You're going to suffer when you come, and that will also remind you of what you've lost.

"My sister told me how you reacted when you found out she had made a few female domination videos here. She never cheated on you, so you had no right to treat her like scum.

"I told her why you acted that way. It's because you've always wanted to do this, Junior. You've been pretending that you're a religious man. You fooled my sister and all your friends at church, but you don't fool me. I know what you really want, and today I'm going to show my sister what kind of hypocrite you are."

The story Grace was using for the video was the same one she had been telling Delilah, he thought. He wondered how much of it Delilah believed.

They pushed him down on the table on his back. He saw one of the camerawomen -- they were all women -- move in close on one side of the table as Grace and Delilah moved to the other side. "Why don't you explain what we're going to do now," said Grace to Delilah.

"I'm sorry, but I have to excuse myself for a moment to go to the ladies" Delilah said. "You can start, and I'll be right back."

Travis watched Delilah walk away. Grace waited until she was out of sight before she leaned over and spoke in a soft voice. "While we're waiting for Delilah, we're going to take care of a couple of things," she said.

"Look over her at me, Travis. The lady on the close-up camera is going to move right up to your face. It's covered with pink latex, except for the areas that are cut out for your mouth, your cheeks, your eyes and your nostrils. It's hard for you to show any expressions, but I think we can get some anyway if I take the gag out of your mouth. Right now, I want you to smile. Are you listening to me, Travis?"

He heard her, but the last thing he felt like doing was smiling. He just lay there looking at her.

"Ow!" he yelled as she slapped him hard on his right cheek.

"I don't think you heard me," she said. "I told you to smile." She slapped his left cheek just as hard. "I'm going to keep on slapping you until you respond, Travis. I can bruise and flay your cheeks so much they will start splitting and bleeding. Your staff will be staring at you for weeks.

"So are you going to smile or not? That's good, but not good enough. I want a broader smile, and I want a happy smile. I want your eyes smiling, too. Try to think of something funny if you can or maybe some happy times you had with Delilah.

"I don't care what you do, but I want you to look really happy. That's better. Now try harder and make it a little more convincing for the camera. We're all just doing a play here, and this part of the play is where you're really happy. That's it.

"OK, now don't stop smiling, but while you're smiling, I want you to nod your head up and down. I know it's not easy to do while you're lying down. But just nod slowly up and down while you're smiling. You're so happy. You're nodding yes, yes, yes, to show how happy you are. Now you're going to nod a little faster because you're convincing me you're really happy. You couldn't be happier.

"Now you're going to keep smiling and nodding and at the same time, and I want to hear a little laugh. You can do it, Travis. Don't say a word, but just give me a light little chuckle. You are so happy, you're tickled pink and you're just bubbling over. OK, now make the laughter just a little bit louder. No belly laugh. You're just laughing because you're so happy that you can't help it. That's good. Keep on doing that. The camera is getting everything.

"OK, you can stop laughing, but keep on smiling and she's going to move back a little. I didn't tie your arms down, so you can move them. I want you to move them to your sides and lift them up a little and open them, so your palms are facing up. You're smiling and your hands are showing how you're feeling. You are so pleased that you can't believe it. You can't believe how happy you are. That's it. That's what I'm looking for. OK hold it like that for the camera. Great! Now you can relax. I see that Delilah is coming back."

"I thought you were going to start on the CBT," she said as she came up to the table.

"I gave him a preview of the slapping first," said Grace softly and then raised her voice.

"Remember, I'm just your assistant, Sister. You're the one who wanted to see what Junior was made of, so you're going to take over now and tell me what I can do to help."

"You're right, Sister," said Delilah. It sounded to Travis like she sighed for a moment, but then her voice became steely.

"It's time to get rough, Junior," she said. "When I got just a little rough with you in bed, you really enjoyed it, but when you found out my ideas came from making femdom videos, all of a sudden, you were telling me I was disgusting. My sister says you like it a lot rougher than I think. Let's find out if she's right.

"Sister, we're going to put some of this lube on our hands. You start working his penis while I do his testicles. Yes, that's it. Just stroke him softly at first while I play with his balls. Wow! He sure jumped to attention right away. Look at how big and hard he got as soon as we touched him. Now let's see if he stays that way.

"I want you to grab his penis now with both hands, Sister. Even though he's pretty thick, your hands are big. I want you to close your fists as tight as you can and squeeze him hard as you are pumping him. Did you hear that? I don't think he likes what you're doing. You've got him in a vise and you're almost pulling his skin off as you go up and down. But the pain isn't making him wilt. He's still hard.

"This should change that. I'm starting to tighten my hands around his balls. I'm doing it slowly, but he feels it, because he's getting louder. Is this rough enough for you, Junior? What did you say? I can't hear you above the screaming.

"Look at that, Sister. You were right. I think his penis is even more excited. I can see that you've rubbed it so hard that there are already spots that are raw. That must really hurt when you're going over them, but he's still aroused. OK, let go of his penis, and I'll stop squeezing.

"I want you to grab his penis at the base with your left hand now, while I grab his ball sack with my left hand and pull it away from his body and then bunch up his balls in my hand like this. OK, now follow my rhythm. I'm going to softly punch his balls with my right hand, and I want you to softly slap his penis with your right hand. Get in my rhythm. Now you've got it. And his screams are in rhythm, too.

"Now watch, Sister. I'm going to speed up, and at the same time, I'm going to punch harder, and I want you to do the same with your penis slaps. That's it. Wow! Your body is totally out of control now, Junior, and your head is jerking like crazy. But look! Your penis still likes it. Faster, Sister, faster, faster. OK, stop.

"Junior, you're lying there like we squeezed the life out of you, but you must be enjoying it, because look at your big penis waving around like it can't wait to come. Your sperm is dying to get out, Junior. We'll let it go free, but you're not going to enjoy it. Sister, start pumping him again. Yes, squeeze as tight as you can so his penis gets red and sore. Now stop and slap it a few times. Keep doing that, and we'll see how long it takes for him to be ready to spurt.

"Meanwhile, I'm going to grab his sack below his balls and pull it up slowly. See how his sack stretches. It's so thin now you can almost see right through it. If I pull it any further, it will probably rip, and those balls will tumble out and Junior won't be a man anymore. But I'll stop here, and punch his big tight balls a few more times, like that. Ow? Is that what you said, Junior. You don't seem to be as loud as you were a second ago. You must really be enjoying it now. OK, I'm letting go and there go your balls, snapping back to your crotch.

"Now I'm going to take the balls and give them a turn, like this. That felt good, so I'm going to keep turning them, twisting them tighter and tighter. I'll try to stop just before I twist them off. There, that's far enough. Let's hold it like that and then let them go. There they go, spinning around as they untwist. That looked great.

"How's the penis doing, Sister? Wow, it's really red, but I hear something. Do you hear how his breathing is changing? I think he's getting close. Yes, slap him a few more times, and I'll pull his balls up again and punch them a few more times. There. He can still make some noise.

"OK, I'm going to lay his balls down and rub my right palm over them lightly, just caressing them softly, around and around. I think that's getting him closer, but don't stop squeezing his penis hard as you pump him. He'll get there despite the pain. He's panting faster and faster now. He makes a quick, sharp sound just before he comes. Listen for it. Listen!

"There it is. He's about to come, but you were ready, Sister. You grabbed the end of his penis with your right hand and squeezed it so tight that nothing came out. While you were doing that, I pushed my palm down hard onto his balls and crushed them. Did you hear him scream "No!" I think we really gave him something special there.

"OK, let's hold it like this. Don't let loose of the end of his penis, and I'll keep pushing down on his balls. He's really moaning now.

"His penis is full of semen that you trapped in there, Sister. I want you to take your right hand and grab his penis right where it meets his balls and squeeze as tight as you can. Now slowly pull your hand down his penis and don't let loose no matter how hard he screams. Yes, yes. Look at that. You're squeezing the come out of him like it's toothpaste. We set his semen free, even though he never ejaculated. Can you imagine how he feels? You can get an idea by looking at his face. It's all twisted up. Squeeze down his penis one more time to get every drop out.

"Good, you've collected it in your left hand. Just hold it there while I prop him up on the bed. OK, Junior, time to lick. Don't push it at him, Sister. Let him come to you. He's going to lean forward and lick up every drop from your hand. We'll just wait. While we're waiting, I'm going to begin squeezing his balls together very slowly. I'm squeezing tighter and tighter and tighter and pulling them away from his body at the same time. I think he's starting to feel his sack stretching. Look, it's even thinner than before. I wonder how long -- Oh, he's hungry all of a sudden. Look at him go. Just like a dog. I'll let go of his balls and pet him like a dog while he's licking your hand clean. Good boy, Junior. Now you can rest."

Delilah and Grace walked away from the table. Travis lay in a fetal position. His body didn't move, and he felt dead, but he heard the soft sound of his breathing. He also heard some faint sounds. It was the two women talking, but they weren't close enough to understand. It sounded as though they might be arguing, but he couldn't tell for sure.

He tried to look at Delilah when they came back and pulled him off the table and helped him sit down in the chair again, but he could barely raise his eyelids. He saw her walk away as Grace poured him another glass of energy drink. While he was sipping it, Grace laughed and leaned over and spoke in a low voice. "Delilah doesn't know that I crushed a bunch of blue pills and mixed them into your drink," she said. "That's why you stayed hard through all the pain. You're going to be hard for a long time after we're done."

After he finished two glasses of the drink, he sat with his head on the table. He felt like his brain had stopped functioning. He had some basic instincts left, but even when he tried to pray, he couldn't. He decided to say something, but he had trouble putting words together in his mind, and when he opened his mouth, he found that his lips didn't work right. So he didn't bother lifting his head.

The women let him rest and watched him. Then they lifted him under each shoulder, but instead of lifting him up, they slowly lowered him to the floor.

"I'm so excited about this part," said Grace. "My sister says I can ride the pony first. You are going to be the pony, Junior, and I get to ride you all around the room. Did you notice that there are kneepads under your Spandex stockings? That's so you don't get hurt. So get up off the floor onto your hands and knees.

"I'm going to ride you bareback, and I don't need a bridle and reins because your hair is long enough. But you have to get up now. If you're a wild stallion and don't respond, I'll have to geld you to make you more docile. No, I won't remove your oysters, but I will punch them really hard until you get up. You've already enjoyed that, so you know what it feels like.

"That's it, Junior. You're moving so slowly, but I'll get you going faster. OK, stay still now, while I mount. There. I'm comfortable now. Let's start at just a slow walk to get you used to the weight. That's great. Now I'll teach you how to respond to your rider.

"You felt that, didn't you? I could tell by the way your head whipped around. You tried to yell, but you don't have much voice anymore. When I slap you really hard on the right cheek, that means I want you to move to the right. And when I slap you on the left cheek -- that's it, you're moving to the left. See how easy.

"But we can't have you lowering your head like that because I won't be able to reach your cheeks to direct you. So I'm grabbing your hair and yanking it back. That brought your head up fast. Keep it high like that, and I won't have to pull your hair again.

"Now, let's go a little faster. Yes, when I lean back and spank you hard on one of your butt cheeks, it means to go faster. And that's all there is, Junior. You learned fast, because you jumped when I spanked your other cheek. There, a slap and you moved to the right. Another slap on the right cheek. And another. Yes I want you to keep turning in a circle like that as I keep slapping you.

"Now let's try the other direction. Good. Turn with every slap. You are looking good. Round and round. But I don't want you to get dizzy, so let's go forward for a while. You forgot that when I slap your butt, it means you need to go faster. Yes, faster again. And again. And again. Look how fast you're going now. But you seem to be slowing down a little, so here's another slap on the butt. You've got to try harder, Junior.

"OK. I'll let you go slower for now while we practice going right and left. I want to keep turning in both directions until your cheeks are bright red.

"That's good for now. Let's go in the direction you're going but speed up as I spank you harder. I want your butt cheeks to be the same color as your other cheeks. You're responding, Junior, but not enough. My pony needs to gallop. Sister, please hand me the switch. Sister! Where are you? Would someone please get her.

"Here she comes. Please hand me the switch. Yes, I'm sure. I'm waiting. Thanks. OK, think this will make you move, Junior. Yes, I was right. That's it. Look how fast you can go when you're motivated. Let's see if you can go faster, And faster. And faster. You're slowing down, Junior. I'm going to keep on bringing that switch down until you speed up. I can hear it singing as it flies through the air.

"What did you say, Sister? You think he's about to collapse and pass out? OK, Junior, we don't want that. You've got to be alert for the final part, so you can slow down now. And now you can stop, and I'll get off. Oh boy! Your ass is striped with blood. That's going to hurt for a long time. But look underneath, Sister. The pain was so exciting for him that his penis is rock solid again. He can't hide that he like this.

"Do you want to go for a ride now, Sister? What? OK. Let's give him another rest and some more energy drink. Maybe you're right. If you ride him, he might get too tired to respond to the last part. Help me get him into the chair. OK, Junior, here's your drink. Sister wants to talk to me, so we'll be right back."

As he sipped his drink, Travis was looking down at the table. He was in a fog, but he became aware of voices getting louder. This time he was sure it was an argument. It was Grace and Delilah. Their voices were raised, but they were too far away for him to hear what they were saying, He strained his ears but all he could make out were a couple of words that Grace repeated several times -- "No way!" -- and one that Delilah said a few times -- "debutantes."

At last the discussion was over, and they came back to him and lifted him up and helped him walk over to the padded table. He lay on his back with his eyes closed. His mind could think of only pain and the absence of pain. Life was good right now because he was only dealing with the intense pain radiating from his cheeks, his butt, his penis and his testicles. But any second, life would become terrible because more pain was coming.

As if reading his mind, Grace leaned over and spoke to him. "I don't know how much you can comprehend right now, Junior," she said. "I was hoping you'd be really frightened by thinking about what's coming next, but Sister told me she doesn't think you've ever heard of this. I told one of the camera ladies to focus on your face so she can capture your expressions as you realize what Sister's going to do to you.

"Do you feel that, Junior? Sister is rubbing some grease into your crease. You're moving a little because even the clumps of white slime touching your red skin are painful. Now she's pushing the grease into you as I pull your legs apart.

"Do you feel how she's gently caressing your crack with her finger, up and down? Do you feel it touching your anus as it goes over it? Now she's massaging your little puckered hole gently with her finger. That should feel good. And now it's going in. She knows you like that. She's slowly moving it around in there to find the magic button, and there you go. She found the prostrate, and she's massaging it, and your big pole jumped up in the air like nothing ever happened to it.

"I'm going to grab it in my right hand and your balls in my left hand and start working them again. I put some of that thick white grease on my hands. I won't be as rough as before -- at least not at first. So I think you'll be ready to come pretty fast from my strokes and from Delilah's anal massage.

"I hear your breathing speeding up, and there's that quick sharp sound, so I have to stop pumping right now and clamp down on your penis right at the base to stop you from coming. Did you notice that Sister stopped stimulating you at the same time.




Ruined



"Yes, I'm going to keep bringing you close, and then I'll stop. You're going to feel a pain deep inside your balls, a new kind of pain, and each time I stop, it will get worse. Eventually, you'll want to come so bad that I could get you to pray to the devil in return for letting you come.

"So let's start again. Do you notice that Sister has two fingers inside you now, and she's also moving them in and out of you. She just pushed a lot more white grease inside you. Now it's her turn to talk. I wanted to switch places for this one, but she insisted, because she wants to tell you a few things, but maybe she's too tired to talk. Is that right, Sister? Should we switch places?"

"No! No!" said Delilah. "Stay where you are, Sister. I was just thinking of how Junior is such a big, handsome hunk of man, or at least he was. And now he's nothing better than a farm animal, eager to be used by us in whatever way we want. You always used to like it when I put a finger or two in while we were making love, didn't you, Junior?

"I never put three fingers in, because I wasn't sure you'd like it, but now I'll find out. From the way you squirmed, I don't think you enjoyed it. But maybe you moved like that because it's getting you hot. I see Sister has you almost ready to come. Let me stick some more grease in there so I can move my three fingers in and out a little faster. Do you feel that I'm matching Sister now. We've got the same rhythm, and your body is certainly moving all around like crazy. You don't seem to be that tired all of a sudden.

"I'm going to slow down for a moment, so I can -- there, you really bounced up when I put that fourth finger in. Your eyelids are still down, so you're focusing on dealing with the pain of your ass being stretched wide and Sister withholding your orgasm. You didn't even notice that I cupped my fingers together and put my thumb in the middle, so now I've got five fingers going in and out of you.

"Now, I'm going to speed them up until I match Sister again. Wow! You really reacted when she stopped pumping you that time. You are just dying to come, aren't you? Now, I'm going to slow down again and do this.

"That did it, Sister. That got his attention. I was watching his face, and his eyes suddenly opened wide. He finally realized. Yes, Junior, I just put a huge wad of grease into your wide-open ass, and now I'm going to keep on pushing. Oh, you can still scream. That's what I was waiting for. And now you're panting and sobbing, and your body is out of control. Your mouth looks deformed. I think you've turned into an imbecile.

"There, maybe that scream helped open you up, because I just pushed my entire hand into you, all the way to the wrist. Do you feel better now, Junior? I'll leave it like that for a minute while Sister gets you focused on coming again. 

"Your penis looks larger than I've ever seen it. It looks like it's straining, like it wants to break off your body just to get some relief. 

"OK, now I'm going to squeeze my hand together and slowly pull it out of you, Junior. Now it's free, and now it goes right back in. Yes, I'm going to push my hand in and out of you just like that and slowly pick up the speed until it matches Sister's. You are thrashing around like a wild animal who's been attacked by a predator. I guess the pain must be incredible. Should we finish him off now, Sister?"

"No!" Grace said as she noticed he was about to come and stopped pumping him again. "Don't forget what we talked about. That will be even more dramatic. But if you're tired, I'll be glad to switch with you."

"No!" said Delilah loudly. "I'm fine. I want you to listen to me now, Junior. Sister, stop for a second. Look at me, Junior. Before we finish, I want you to know that, in my mind, you're exactly like the men I worked with in the femdom videos. I don't think of them as human. They're vermin to me, and you may look a little different from them, but otherwise you are exactly the same.

"In fact, you're worse. They don't pretend to be anything other than pitiful excuses for men, but you think you're better than they are, because after you do what they do, you'll go to church and pray for God to forgive you.

"I don't want to ever see your hypocritical face again. If you try to get within a hundred feet of me, I'm going to get a restraining order, Junior. You've shown me what you are made of, and it makes my skin crawl. If I ever see you again, it will only be on this video, as a disgusting pervert getting off on being degraded.

"Yes, sister," said Grace, "look at Junior. Your hand is in his ass, but he's still hard as a rock. He's so aroused by what we're doing that all he can think about is coming."

"OK, Sister," said Delilah. "Now you can finish him off. I can feel you around me like a long glove, Junior, and I think when you come in a minute, that glove is going to get really tight. You're not even an animal anymore, Junior. You're just something I'm wearing. How does that feel?

"I see you're getting frantic now. You're screaming and sobbing and your body is moving like crazy because it thinks Grace is going to stop again, but this time she won't, and there you go. Look at you spraying all over yourself as she moves your penis around. I didn't think there was that much left inside you. Go, Junior, go!"

As he spurted and groaned with relief, he heard loud noises and wondered what they were. Then he realized that the entire crew in the studio had burst into cheers and wild applause. 

Grace was yelling at Delilah over the racket, and Travis heard her. "Don't forget to make a fist before you pull free, so there's a really big gape for the video," she said. But Delilah must not have heard her because she removed her arm slowly and made her hand as small as possible before she pulled it out. It still hurt so much that he passed out.

He wasn't unconscious for long. When he awoke the bright lights had been turned off and the camerawomen were gone. He was lying on the bed feeling like he could never get up. He heard Grace say, "Where are you going now, Delilah? Aren't you going to help me get him cleaned up and dressed?"

"I've got to do something, but I'll be right back," Delilah said. When she returned, Grace had his Spandex outfit off. Delilah insisted on taking him to the shower stall and washing him by herself. She had her poker face on again, and she didn't say a word. She also dressed him by herself and then led him to a wheelchair. After he sat down, he saw her tighten her face before she spoke to him.

"You won't be in any shape to do anything for two or three days, Travis, so I'm going to handle the money transfers and make sure everything is done right, and I'll check on your business. That's in the agreement that you signed but didn't read. I'll be checking in with your secretary every day until she tells me you are back in action.

"I'm keeping my end of the bargain, but don't get any ideas. I was being dramatic for the video, but what I said was the truth. I never want to see you again.

"I'm going to push your wheelchair out to your car and lay you across the back seat and drive you home. I checked to make sure you've got your wallet and everything you wore when you came here. This box contains a DVD of all the video that was shot today. While Grace was taking off your outfit, I collected the recording drives from each camera and burned the video files onto the disk for you.

"I know I can't do it, but I wish I could force you to watch every minute recorded by every camera so you see exactly what you are and why you make me sick. You will want to throw the disk away because you'd rather lie to yourself. So I want you right now to swear to God that you will watch it at least once -- all the way through. I'm not going to take you to your car until you swear."

Grace was listening to Delilah. She walked over to them and said, "Give me the DVD, Delilah. He doesn't want it, and he doesn't need it. If he wants to see the video, he can watch it online. I'll send him the link. You can make him swear to watch that."

"No," said Delilah. "It was in the agreement that he gets a copy of everything. I want him to see every disgusting detail from every angle. That's why I rushed to make the disk before I took him home."

"But he doesn't want it," said Grace. "Look at him. You don't want this, do you, Travis?" she said.

Travis was too weak to respond. He didn't want to ever look at that disk, and he tried to shake his head, but he wasn't sure either woman noticed.

"I'm sorry, Grace," said Delilah. "I insist, and I'm not going to back down this time."

"I think you're a little overemotional about this whole thing, Delilah," said Grace. "Please come over here and let's talk about this for a minute."

Travis looked up from his wheelchair and saw them go to the other side of the room and have a brief animated conversation. He couldn't hear one word. When they were done, they walked back to him.

"Delilah needs to cool down a little," said Grace, "so she doesn't do anything foolish to you that could get her in trouble. I will be driving you home. You're going to take the DVD because it says in the contract that we have to give it to you, even though I know you don't want it. Before we go, Delilah has a couple more things to tell you."

"You didn't swear to watch the video yet, Travis," said Delilah, "and I'm not going to let Grace take you home until you do. I know you are weak, but you need to show me somehow, even if it's only with a head nod. So listen. Travis, do you solemnly swear, so help you God, that you will watch the DVD at least once? I'm waiting."

All Travis wanted at this point was to get home as soon as he could. He gathered his strength and nodded.

"You saw that, Delilah," said Grace. "He agreed."

"One more thing," said Delilah. Her voice was now shrill, no longer controlled and steely. "Travis, you have to swear that, no matter what, you will never pray for me again."

"Delilah, that's crazy," said Grace. "Let me take Travis home now. You are getting irrational."

"I don't care," she said, and she walked up to where Travis was sitting and leaned over and put her face right in front of his. "Travis, do you swear that you will never pray for me," she said. She sounded hysterical and was almost screaming her words. Travis started to nod again, but he stopped himself. As much as he wanted this to be over, he made sure his head never moved.

"Ow!" he screamed. Delilah had slapped his injured cheek.

"You bastard, Travis!" she screamed. "Swear to me!"

Grace quickly moved between her and Travis and hugged Delilah. Delilah collapsed in her arms, and Travis heard her crying. Grace gently moved with Delilah across the room and sat her down in a chair and spoke softly to her. Then she came back to him.

With a lot of effort, Grace managed to get him home and move him from his car to his bedroom, where she laid him on his bed, took off his clothes and covered him. He watched her without saying a word.

He had been holding onto the DVD case in the car. When she started undressing him, Grace took it from him and put it on his dresser. He watched as she now went to his dresser, took the case and opened it. She took the DVD out and held it up in front of his face.

"I know you don't want to watch this," she said as she broke it in two. "We fulfilled the contract and gave it to you, but now it's won't work so you can't keep your promise to Delilah through no fault of your own. I'll throw it away for you.

"If you change your mind, you can watch it online in a few weeks. I'll send you a link to it and a lifetime password to get onto the site. I have a feeling it's going to be a big hit. Thanks for making it possible. Goodbye."

Travis didn't respond. He had fallen asleep soon after she had waved the broken disk in front of him.

A few days later, he got a package in the mail with a handwritten note from Delilah that said, "Hi, Travis. While Grace took you home, I made another DVD for you. I have a feeling that she didn't leave the disk with you, and I don't want to get into another argument with her about it. So I sent this just in case, and I also threw in the contract that you left lying in the studio. Don't forget that you swore to watch it."

He put the note back in the package and threw the package in a drawer. I promised I'd watch it, he thought, but I didn't say when.

Three weeks later, Travis's secretary buzzed him on the phone.

"There's a woman on the phone who wants to talk to you about a video you made," she said. "Should I get rid of her?"

A shudder went through Travis. "Put her through," he said.

"Hi," said a pleasant voice he didn't recognize. "We never met, but I watched your performance. I'm Grace's boss, Felicia."

"Hi, Felicia," he said, forcing himself to speak slowly and calmly.

"I'm calling because I wanted to apologize," she said. "I was angry that Grace pushed me all the way to $15,000 for just one video session, but when I saw how good you were, I realized that you were worth that and more. Everyone else there knew it, too. I'm sure you heard us applauding you."

"Thanks," said Travis. "I appreciate your calling to tell me. I'm really busy."

"Just a second," said Felicia. "Have you seen the video online yet? Grace did an amazing job putting it together. I thought you were good while I watched you performing, but I wasn't close enough to see the full extent of your talent until Grace showed me the finished video. The way you play to the audience is astounding. One second, it looks like you're out of your mind in pain and humiliation, and the next second, it's obvious that you're enjoying every minute of it.

"That's the reason I'm calling. I told Grace that I would pay a lot more than last time if the three of you worked together again. I could go up to $20,000, maybe more. Grace said she'd love to work with you again. I've left a couple of messages for Delilah, but I haven't heard back from her yet. What do you say?"

For a moment, Travis was speechless. He felt sick. But he got hold of himself and thought fast. Whatever Felicia was talking about, he didn't want to ever discuss it with her again. How could he make sure she didn't call him back? He decided to humor her.

"Your offer is very flattering" he said, "but right now, I'm too busy. I don't know if Grace told you that I own a struggling business, and I need to totally focus on it. I spend almost every waking moment working on it."

"I understand completely," said Felicia. "I've been where you are. Sometimes when you're starting a business, you can get short of cash. If you ever do, please call me. I shouldn't say this, but I think you can negotiate even more money than I've mentioned."

"Thank you," said Travis. "We did have a cash crunch, but it looks like for now we have all we need. If things should change and I am interested in contacting you, how can I reach you?"

Felicia gave him her number. "May I check in with you occasionally?" she asked.

"I'm afraid that if you call, it will just interfere with my schedule," he said, "and that will make it less likely that I would ever work for you. It might even send me to your competition."

"I understand," she said. "I won't bother you. Would you at least promise me that you'll think about my offer?"

Travis shuddered. He wished he could tell her he was going to wipe her offer from his mind, but like the other things he couldn't forget, he knew it would come back to haunt him. So he wasn't lying when he said, "Sure. I promise to think about your offer. Goodbye now."

His business grew slowly but steadily, and as he added personnel and expanded, he plunged deeply into his work and went all out six days a week. On Sunday, he went to Sunday school, services and other church activities, so that day was as busy as any other.

He prayed for Delilah and Grace each week, but otherwise, he rarely thought of them until he saw Delilah at the end of the aisle in a grocery store six months later. He had come from a late meeting and stopped nearby instead of going to the store near his house. He was frozen for a moment as he watched her and thought of the last time he saw her. Then, without thinking, he walked toward her.

When she saw him, he could see she was startled. She quickly wheeled her cart in the other direction and was gone. He kept walking and looked for her. Finally, he saw her walking out the door to the parking lot without anything in her hands. She was walking fast and looked behind her several times. He went back to his shopping.

It was almost the same scene at a department store two weeks later. He was coming up on an escalator and saw her. It was the women's clothing floor, and he wasn't planning to get off there, but he decided on the spur of the moment to talk to her. This time, she didn't see him until he was almost on top of her. She jumped in fright and began quickly walking away. Travis followed her to the down escalator and tried to catch up. She began walking faster, and he did, too.

By the time she was in the parking lot, she was running. He watched her run to her car, jump in it and speed away. He stood there stunned, not because she was avoiding him but because he had seen the look on her face. He expected her to be annoyed or angry at him for approaching her, or even disgusted. But the look on her face was different. It was pure terror. She was deathly afraid of him. She thinks I want to hurt her, he thought. I wonder if she'll serve me with a restraining order. But nothing happened in the next few days.

Her face of abject horror began to haunt him. It began showing up in his dreams, and sometimes when he prayed for her on Sunday. He wanted to talk to her, just for a minute, and tell her that everything was going to be all right. He had thought it over and decided that she had been right to force him to do something drastic rather than give up and go home. He was still haunted by the utter depravity that he had been a part of, but he had forgiven her and didn't wish her any harm. He wanted to suggest that she get counseling because it seemed as though she hadn't moved on like he had. He didn't want her fear of him affecting her life. And he wanted to ask her to forgive him for praying for her.

He decided he had to see her. If she lashed out and did anything to him, such as file a police report, it didn't matter. He was the cause of her anguish, and he needed to help her out of it. But he was frustrated, because he couldn't think of a way to get her to stop running from him that didn't involve something physical, something he would never do.

He knew he needed help, but he didn't know whom to turn to. Then he ran into one of her girlfriends at a client's party.

He saw Abigail across the room with a man. At first, he was hesitant to approach her, because he was sure Delilah had shared the video with her friends. Abigail probably considered him a disgusting perv. He finally worked up his courage by telling himself he was doing this for Delilah, and he had no dignity to lose anyway.

Surprisingly, Abigail greeted him warmly and introduced him to her friend. "Would you mind talking to me outside for just a couple of minutes?" he asked her.

When they got to a quiet area of the garden, she said, "This is about Delilah, isn't it?"

"Yes," he said. "So she told you."

"I haven't talked to her in a long time," said Abigail. "After you two broke up, she stopped seeing all her friends, except for Grace. Grace said it was your fault, because you were a real bastard at the end. That's hard for me to believe. What did you do to her?"

"Grace didn't tell you?" he said.

"No," said Abigail. "She told me that Delilah doesn't want her to tell anyone, but that you were really cruel to her."

"Grace is right," said Travis. "And that's why I'd like your help. You know how you used to make fun of me for being religious. I said some horrible things to Delilah, and I've prayed a lot about what happened. I've been very lucky that I've been able to move on, and now I'm really doing well financially, and I'm more at peace in my mind. I know Delilah has also been doing well in her career, but I'm afraid I've caused her a lot of psychic damage." He told Abigail about the scene at the department store.




Ruined



"Even though you and Delilah haven't talked lately," he said, "I know you used to be close. Would you help me? I want to talk to her. Tell her how upset I am that she's frightened of me. Tell her I want just five minutes of her time to tell her a few things that I think could help her. Tell her I'm not interested in getting back together with her, just ending our relationship in a better way. And tell her that I don't mind if you are there when I talk to her. I'd rather not have Grace there, because she's always disliked me, but if she insists on Grace being there, that's all right, too."

Abigail promised to call up Delilah and do her best to see her, and a few days later, she called Travis at his office. "I spoke to her on the phone for a few minutes," she said. "You were right. When I brought you up, she became hysterical and almost incoherent. She mentioned something about a video. I don't think she heard a word I said after that."

Travis was silent for a second. "It's much worse than I thought, Abigail," he said. "I don't think you can get her to listen on the phone. Call her back and don't mention my name. Just get her to have lunch with you, or maybe dinner. When you are face to face, maybe you can get her to listen. Maybe she would even allow me to join the two of you for a few minutes. I'm going to give you my private cell phone number. If you can get her to see me, call me no matter what time of day or night, and I'll come right over to where you are."

"OK," said Abigail. "I'll try, because I'm worried about her. She really sounded bad. I'll call you back when I know more."

That was the last he heard from her until he called her at home a week later. As soon as she heard his voice, she hung up. He kept calling, and after 10 times, she said, "What do you want?"

"I want to know what happened," he said.

"Nothing that concerns you," she said. "Fuck off, and don't ever talk to me again."

"I'm not going to do that, Abigail," he said. "I'm going to keep calling until you talk to me. If you change your phone number, I'll find out your new phone number. I'm sorry, but I need to know what Delilah told you."

"She didn't tell me anything, you pervert," said Abigail. "I never called her."

"Why not?" he said.

"You're wasting my time and yours," she said. "You know exactly why. But I don't want to ever see you or hear from you again, so I'll tell you that I know everything."

"But you said you didn't talk to her," he said.

"I talked to Grace," she said.

"Oh no!" he said.

"Oh yes," she said. "Almost right after I hung up with you, Grace called and invited me to lunch the next day. She told me everything, and then she gave me the link to your video It was the most sickening and disgusting thing I've ever seen. I could only stand it for a few minutes. You're lucky that most people won't recognize you because of the hood and the weird outfit. If Grace hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known.

"I don't know what Grace told you," he said, "but you've got to give me a chance to explain."

"No, I don't," she said. "No matter what you say, you can't deny what I saw."

"Please, Abigail," he said. "Can I meet you for coffee after work tomorrow -- or anytime you want. I can straighten this all out."

"Don't you dare get anywhere near me again, you psycho," she said. "I'll talk to you now for a few minutes as long as you promise never to make contact with me again."

"OK, OK," he said. "But please tell me exactly what Grace told you."

"Why do you want to hear what you already know?" she said. "If that's all you want to say, we can hang up right now."

"No, no," he said. "You're right, I know everything, but you heard Delilah. I don't know why she's like that. Maybe Grace said something that explains it, and once I know, I won't try to get in touch with her. You want that, don't you? So please try to remember everything Grace told you and tell me slowly."

"Fine," said Abigail. "She told me how Delilah was really distraught when you dumped her. She said you freaked out about Delilah coming to her studio. She said Delilah never cheated on you or did anything to hurt you, and couldn't understand your overreaction. She became so depressed that she stopped seeing her friends. She stopped going anywhere after she came home from work. She just sat home every night and brooded, except for a few times that Grace forced her to go out and have dinner.

"Grace said that when Delilah found out you were in financial trouble, she decided to call you. What you told her made her frantic. She was sending every spare cent she had to her parents, because her alcoholic father lost his job and they had no savings. She tried to take out a personal loan for $15,000 but got turned down because she had no collateral. She contacted lots of people, but nobody could get the cash together fast enough.

"Then Grace found out from her boss that Delilah had called the producer of one of their websites called 'Disgusting Debutantes.' They pay $10,000 to girls who had never done porn before and were willing to do everything, no matter how disgusting or painful, with multiple men, including bums who were picked up off the street. She was negotiating with the producer for $15,000 to do that.

"Grace went to Delilah's house that night, and they had a big fight. Delilah was determined to be a 'Disgusting Debutante' to get you the money. She told Grace she was to blame for destroying your feelings for her, but she wasn't going to let you destroy your life. That's when Grace came up with the idea of you doing a video for her website.

"She told Delilah that your face would be disguised, and since you weren't an ugly overweight man, she might negotiate more money for you and get you the $15,000 you needed. Delilah didn't want to hear about you degrading yourself like that, but Grace told Delilah that if you ever found out Delilah did a 'Disgusting Debutante' video to raise the money for you, you wouldn't be able to handle the guilt. You would feel responsible for her being downloaded by hundreds of people around the world every day. Grace said she told Delilah that even your faith might fail you. It was the kind of thing that could drive you insane and might even make you take your own life.

"That's how she got Delilah to give up on her idea. Then she used guilt to get her to agree to the femdom video. She asked her if she was willing to sacrifice even more than her body for you, and Delilah said she'd do anything. She asked if she'd be willing to make you hate her or at least lose all respect for her if she could save your business and give you a chance for a happy life. She said it would mean that Delilah would never have a chance to tell you how much she loved you, and you would probably find another woman, but at least she would have the satisfaction of knowing that she had made your happiness possible.

"As Grace thought, this sent Delilah into hysterics, but after she calmed down, she told Grace she would do anything for you. For a while, she tried to think of every possible reason why making the video with you wouldn't work, but Grace had an answer for every objection. Then Grace asked Delilah whether she thought your faith would give you the strength to overcome what would be done to you. When Delilah said she was sure it would, Grace knew she had won her over to the idea.

"Delilah agreed that in order for you to do it and save your business, she had to make you think she was furious with you. She put on an act to make you feel guilty and selfish about losing her investment. She pretended that the video was her idea and tried to make you feel like it was also a punishment for judging her and dumping her.

"Grace said Delilah almost lost it at the end by demanding that you swear not to pray for her, but Grace kept her from spoiling everything and got you out of there.

"OK, Travis. I tried to think of everything that you might not know, and that's it. The rest you know about."

"But that doesn't explain why Delilah is so scared of me now," he said. "Didn't Grace say anything about that?"

"Come on, Travis," said Abigail. "You're just stretching this out for no reason. You know why she's like that. If you tried to come near me now, I'd only be angry and disgusted, but it's worse for Delilah, because she still thinks she's in love with you."

"You're not making sense, Abigail," he said. "Just tell me what Grace said, and maybe I'll figure it out like you did."

"I think you're playing games with me, Travis," she said. "Grace told me she had been telling Delilah for a long time that you were a hypocrite because you pretended to be religious but still lived with her without getting married. When Delilah told her about your overreaction to the ugly overweight men, Grace told her that kind of response often indicated that someone is really attracted to that kind of sex but is in deep denial.

"Delilah told Grace she was crazy, but Grace said she got her to use some milder variations of what they were doing in the femdom videos with you during sex, and at first you really responded, but when you found out where Delilah was picking up her ideas, you blew up, and that led to you dumping her.

"Grace told Delilah she wasn't surprised when you agreed to do the video to raise the money, and she kept telling Delilah that they might be getting you to do something that you wanted to do anyway. Delilah kept on denying it, and during the filming, she was certain that you were hating what they were doing to you and kept trying to escape from the studio. She even tried to get Grace to stop before it was over and let her do the 'Disgusting Debutante' video. Grace said she worked harder on holding Delilah together during the filming than she did on you.

"Afterword, Delilah would break down and tell Grace what a horrible person she was. Each time she did, Grace would ask her, what if you had really enjoyed the whole thing and what would she say if you came to her and asked her to make another video with you? At first, Delilah said that would never happen because you hated what they had done to you and you would always hate her for doing it.

"But eventually Delilah had to give in. She's finally accepted the reality of your perversity. She still claims you weren't like that until she drove you over the edge, and Grace can't stop her from beating herself up about it, but she has to admit you're no longer the person she lived with."

"Wait!" yelled Travis. "Why does she have to admit that?"

"You know why, Travis," said Abigail. "Eventually, Grace found a way to make Delilah watch the video. And then Grace told her that her boss approached you about making another one with the two of them, and you were considering her offer. Grace said she screamed at her and called her a liar, but when Grace's boss told Delilah that you said you were flattered by her offer and were thinking about it, she collapsed.

"I asked Grace why Delilah was frightened of you, and Grace said it's because she still clings to her denial. She needs it to prevent being overwhelmed by guilt. Grace said she's working on getting Delilah to accept that you were born that way. But for now, Delilah is frightened that if she hears you suggest doing another video, she might lose her mind." 

"Grace has twisted everything," said Travis. "I was just trying to keep her boss from calling me again. I never agreed to anything. Abigail, you have to help me straighten this out."

"No, Travis," she said, "you're the one who's twisted. Grace had you figured out from the start. You need to wake up and admit what you really are, and if you aren't happy with that, you need to get some help. I've helped you as much as I'm going to, and I'm warning you again, don't call me or communicate with me in any way, and don't come anywhere near me. Goodbye."

The conversation with Abigail sent Travis into emotional hibernation. His employees and his friends knew something was wrong. There was an emptiness in his eyes. Except when he was in church, he never spent time on anything except his business. The many hours he put in paid off with massive success. He began working on taking his company public.

Delilah was always with him, in the back of his mind, tormenting him. He kept thinking of ways to get to her, but he couldn't find one that would work. Sometimes the ache in his heart was so strong that he couldn't fall asleep. Those sitting next to him in church often saw tears flowing when he pleaded silently with God to show him the way to save her.

It seemed like years, but it was only a couple of months after Abigail hung up on him that he picked up the phone and heard her say, "Hello, Travis."

He nearly jumped out of his chair, and his body was shaking as he answered, "Hi Abigail. How are you?"

"I'm fine," she said. "Do you have a couple of minutes?"

"Of course, I do," he said. "Do you have some news for me about Delilah?"

"No, Travis," she said. "I'm calling for another reason, but I knew you'd ask that. I haven't changed my mind about what I told you before. I don't want to mislead you, so you have to understand that nothing is different. I still feel the same way, and I won't talk to you about Delilah.

"I'm calling for a favor, and I'll understand if you think I have a lot of nerve and hang up on me. If you do this favor for me, I'll really appreciate it and try to return the favor. But only if it doesn't have anything to do with Delilah. Do you understand?"

He had no idea what she was talking about, but he said yes anyway.

"Now that I told you nothing was different, I have to take that back," said Abigail. "I never thought I'd say this, but I think a little differently about you than I did the last time we talked. The reason is my friend Myra.

"She's a clinical psychologist who has a lot of private patients and also does consulting for big corporations, and she'd like to meet you. No, she's not looking for another patient, and she doesn't want to analyze you or use you for research. She'd just like to get together for some friendly conversation.

"Myra has been one of my best friends for almost 20 years, and not only is she a fireball of energy, but she's also the kindest, warmest and most uplifting person I know. She's also loyal and sympathetic. Did I say that she is really hot looking? She's got such a great personality that people can't help loving her once they get to know her."

"Can I stop you for a second, Abigail," said Travis. "You sound like you're trying to set me up with Myra. You know I'm in love with Delilah. And you think I'm disgusting. Did you tell Myra about me?"

"I'm going to ignore that you just brought up Delilah after you agreed not to," said Abigail. "I should hang up right now because of that. But I'm doing this for Myra, not me. Yes, you're right. I am trying to fix you up with her without totally weirding myself out.

"She knows all about you and she still wants to meet you. We were talking one day about how we never really know what dark secrets are hidden inside even close friends who seem nice and normal. One of Myra's specialties is abnormal psychology. I mentioned what had happened to you, that you were religious and mainstream, but that you had gone off the deep end into sexual perversion. She told me that most likely you hadn't really changed but that you had those latent tendencies for many years inside you, waiting for something to trigger them.

"She asked a lot of questions about you, and I ended up giving her the link to your video. I promise you I've never told anyone else, and I know Myra will keep the information confidential.

"Three days after we talked about you, Myra called me up and we got together for dinner. The entire evening was about you -- actually, about you and Myra. Myra explained that she treats many patients who have what she calls 'uncommon sexual drives.' She said she doesn't treat them to cure their sexual tendencies, but they have similar relationship problems as everyone else, and she's gotten a reputation for being discreet and separating people's sexual preferences from their problems.

"Then she told me that one reason she was good at this was that she was one of those people. I told her I didn't believe her, because I've met some of the men she dates, but she told me that she dated other men I didn't know about, and a lot of them were not good looking and weighed too much. And she did things with them like Delilah and Grace did with you on the video.

"She said that you and she weren't monsters, and you weren't a hypocrite. She said that both of you were born the way you were, and if your preferences were unusual, what did it matter as long as you didn't hurt anyone else -- at least not anyone who didn't want to be hurt.

"She said that she had once hoped to find a wonderful man, someone kind, gentle and giving who loved her for who she was and for what they could be as a couple, someone who liked mainstream sex, too, not just the extreme stuff. She had long ago given up that dream and resigned herself to her double life and to never getting married and having a family.

"She asked me a lot of questions about what I thought about you before I saw the video, about your reputation as a businessman and about what other people said about you. She told me that when she saw your video, she was surprised that she was reacting like a teenager with a crush on a boy she didn't even know. She felt strong chemistry -- at least going one way. And the other things I told her about you sounded too good to be true.

"Then she asked me why couldn't the two of you meet and maybe find happiness with each other? When she watched the video, she could tell what you were looking for to make you happy, and if it made her happy to give it to you, what right did I have to keep you apart?

"I'll be honest, Travis. While she was talking, my skin was crawling, and I got more and more nauseated. I let her finish, and then I told her I had to leave. I rushed home and took a shower, but it didn't wash away what she said. That was a couple of days ago, and I'm still upset.

"This morning, I called her and said I would tell you what she said and arrange for you to meet, if that's what you want. She broke down on the phone. She told me that I was the best and most understanding friend she ever had. She said she had never told any of her other friends about her double life, because she was worried that they would turn away from her, and she was scared to death to be so open with me. She said no matter what happened with you, she would be discreet and never do anything to make me ashamed that I was her friend.

"I didn't have the heart to tell her that while she was praising me, I was trying to keep from throwing up. All I told her was that whatever happened between the two of you, I didn't want to hear about it, and I also didn't want to see the two of you together. I said I didn't want to see or talk to you at all after I give you her number. She said she understood and would honor my wishes.

"That's why I called. I still can't believe I'm doing this. Do you want her number?"

"No, Abigail," he said. "I want to explain to you why you've got me all wrong and how everything has been twisted."

"Stop right there, Travis," she said. "I told you I don't want to hear anything more about that. All I want to know is do you want Myra's phone number or not? She's a wonderful person, and maybe the two of you could make each other happy in your special way."

"I'm sure she's wonderful, Abigail," he said, "but I'm not who she thinks I am. You're the one I need to talk to you. When you understand --."

Abigail interrupted him. "I think I understand that you won't call her," she said. "Is that right?"

"Yes, but --"

"Then I don't need to talk to you anymore. Goodbye."




Ruined?



Damn! It was ruined! Would it ever be the same??? Red, swollen, stretched and gaping open. But wow was it HOT! I obeyed her as she said lick it clean but go easy I'm sore. On my knees I bathed her used pussy with my tongue. Sucking the 2 big loads of come out of her loose hole. So let me tell you how her once little pussy got this beat up.

With my permission we went out with the goal of getting her fucked by another man. Wearing her fuck me heels and a short yellow sundress, we went to a hotel bar a few exits out of town. I sat in the corner while at the bar she ordered a drink. It didn't take long for an attractive business man to hit on her. He was about 6' 4" very muscular and black. They danced and exchanged the usual small talk and flirting. Then after a few shots of tequila he invited her up to his room to which she replied I thought you'd never ask! But my husband gets to watch. He said fine with me! You white people are crazy!

Once to the room it was on. He undressed her quickly and began devouring her with kisses all over her body. He laid her across the bed and shoved 3 fingers in her already very wet pussy. She said it hurt, go easy and he said I have to get you ready for my huge dick. You will take it and love it now relax and enjoy the pleasure of a real man with a real cock. After fingering her and licking her for about 5 minutes he said I think you are ready. With that he pulled off his clothes revealing a very hard and big black dick. At least as big as her forearm. She told me later she was scared and excited. She felt so slutty but wanted to prove me and him proud by taking all of him. He forcefully shoved what he could in her. With a scream all the air left her body somehow making room for the rest of his cock. He pushed it all the way in as she thrashed around moaning and whimpering.

He picked up his pace and pounded her relentlessly for about 10 minutes. She seemed to be coming the whole time. He finally unloaded without warning. Filling her up so much it was running out of her and down his big balls and her thighs. He rolled off and asked if he could do it again in after a short rest. She said I feel empty now you took that monster out please fill me back up! We all laughed and he said give us a few minutes alone man. What could I say...I went. I was gone maybe 20 minutes when I returned I could hear her panting and moaning down the hall. Wow what a sight. I walked in to find her taking it doggy style being taken hard by this black stud. He pulled her hair as he pulverized her pussy. It went on for about 15 more minutes. When he said take all this black seed bitch and make your husband clean it up! He again pumped her full. He smiled as he pulled out and said sorry about you little white pussy. He put his clothes on and handed me his card. He said I stop in here about every month. She will be wanting more call me when she does. With that he took off.

Her make-up was a mess, smeared and running from the sweat. Her hair was tangled and her breasts had bite marks and her nipples were beet red. Her pussy lips looked raw and they hung down away from her hole. Her hole was open and stretched with come leaking out. She said you heard him do it. I was her boy, her slave, totally turned on by all of this.

Damn! It was ruined! Would it ever be the same??? Red, swollen, stretched and gaping open. But wow was it HOT! I obeyed her as she said lick it clean but go easy I'm sore. On my knees I bathed her used pussy with my tongue. Sucking the 2 big loads of come out of her loose hole.

About a week later while we were having sex she said you feel good baby but I'm gonna need that monster once in a while. Can you call him? So I was a good boy and 2 weeks later he was wrecking her pussy again...



Ruined



When I get to your house, I am both ready to pounce and apprehensive about the day. We have talked at length about what we are going to do, and while it all sounds hot, there is a little voice in the back of my head saying that I'm going to panic once I know I can't move. The idea is a total turn on, and I've probably wanted it for a very long time, and if there is anyone I would trust to do it, it would be you, but... 

The door opens reveling you to be naked, save for a towel, and dripping wet. Immediately I forget what I was worrying about when I knocked. After a quick kiss, I quickly make my way to the bedroom and take my coat off. I've been promised to be ruined for my trip and I'm ready to get this started. 

You tell me to take it all off as if there was any other choice. I watch you dry off while I do. For the first time that I can remember, you are complementing me on my underwear. Lacy, steel grey and they happen to be my favorite, so I'm happy to hear you like them, but off they go. 

Once naked, I lie back on the bed and watch you a little longer. I haven't seen you at all, not even a pic, in more than a week and I'm off for a week myself tomorrow. I want to take you in as much as possible while I have you to myself. You deny me of this though as I have been told to lay face down in the middle of the bed. I do as asked when I hear you leave the room, and patiently wait. 

I can hear you enter the room finally and drop something on the floor. We've talked about tying me up several times and although this is sort of how I first imagined it, you talked more about tying my hands behind my back and fucking me, so I really have no idea what to expect from you today. 

You climb on the bed to straddle me, and your warmth blazes through me. I can feel your balls rest on my back, and I'm already aching for you to be inside of me. You aren't saying anything, which isn't like you, and builds the anticipation more. As what I can now see is your tie, slips over my eyes, I am not only plunged into darkness but my mind is racing. This wasn't talked about. I had no idea that I would be blindfolded as well today. You once asked me to write about a fantasy, and this is what I wrote about, but I have never actually been blindfolded before. There is nothing to say though; no reason to fight. I know that I want it. 

Once blindfolded, you begin to caress my body with your hands as you drop yourself down to rest on my legs. It's at this moment that I realize that this is not something you ever do. This is not a complaint, only an observation. When we are together you are almost solely focus on my pussy or my ass. Your touch there ignites my whole body, so I have never noticed that I am rarely touched anywhere else. I am loving the feel of your hands exploring my back, and then you are gone again. 

I can no longer see, but I turn in the direction of your sounds while I wait patiently. You take my left arm out to the side and I can feel you tie my wrist. The binding at my wrist is blissfully tight, but the restraint is not. I have room to move if needed. I appreciate the play, as I can feel the trepidation building. You are back to caressing my backside, and it is so relaxing that I have no choice but to quiet my mind to better feel your touch. You are gone again and after a short while, you take my other hand out and tie it up as well. Again, there is plenty of play even though the binding is tight. 

I am now fully bound and you are sitting just below my ass, and after a couple more caresses, you lower yourself down closer to me and begin to rub your cock against my ass while you whisper in my ear. This is the Jay I know, always talking, pulling me further into your world. I have been ready to go since I first laid down and your constant rubbing of my ass with your cock is driving me crazy. I want you in me now, and when I try to separate my legs to help, I find I have been pinned there by your legs. I have no choice but to lay there nicely and listen to what you plan to do to me. 

You ask me to pay attention so I can write this down and read it when I'm on my trip. You are whispering about fucking all of my holes and ruining me so that when I am fucked by my husband on that trip, I will have no choice but to think about you. You are still rubbing hard against me, and I feel like I'm going to explode. I am driven by a desire to force you into me myself and struggle against the restraints for the first time. If I could just touch you back. This is torturous.

I can feel you have hardened though as you adjust yourself against my back. I feel your fullness and I want it even more. I will do anything you ask me if you would just fuck me. I am dripping wet, and you are still whispering in my ear about fucking my holes and I release an audible yes, please! You begin to move farther down, and I feel like I'm finally going to get my wish. You begin to play with my ass a little, but you haven't touched my pussy at all. You have no idea just how wet and needy I am. My mind is swirling with desire when I feel your mouth on my ass, and then your tongue is inside of me. This puts me over the top, and I pull hard on my restraints. 

Finally you can feel how wet I am though and bust right in. Your cock feels amazing in me right now. My pussy drinks you in thrust after thrust. You are not being forceful though, fucking me slowly and fully. I want to buck up and take you in farther, but my legs are still pinned by yours and I am resigned to your will. You place your full weight on me and begin to fuck me harder. I can't see anything or touch anything other than the silk of your ties. I pull hard against them, and you are once again whispering in my ear. 

Your words darken as you are telling me that you are going to rape all of my holes while you fuck me harder and harder, and I have no choice but to love this. You move on to talking about videoing me. We've talked several times over the last few months about taking pictures or videoing, so maybe one day this will actually happen. While I'm not sure how I feel about the video, I know that the thought of you watching any video of us is fucking hot right now. You could pretty much say anything to me at this point. I am yours to do with as you please. You reward me with a "Good Fucking," but trail off before you get to girl. I have never heard you say this in person, and it is thrilling. You pull up from me and I can hear you release the word fuck several times and I am worried you might just cum.

Then all of sudden you pull out, spread my ass and thrust fully in and keep pressing, waiting to break through, commanding me to take it. I lift my head to cry out as this hurts like hell and there is no sign of you stopping. My body reacts on instinct and seizes up, but I can still hear your commands to take it all. I start to cry a little and am thankful the tie is soaking up my tears. I'm not sure how much more I can take and with all of the sensory deprivation, I feel like I cannot breathe. 

You ease up a little and are talking to me quietly. I know that I am replying but I have no idea what you are saying or what I am saying back. I'm on autopilot. I am hoping that you can't hear how much that hurt in my voice as I don't want this to end. You pulled out completely now and are working yourself a little bit, and I can feel your thumb working my ass, stretching me further. I know you will try again and that it will hurt from the damage done by the first unrelenting thrust. I am both afraid and excited by the thought. 

You push into me again and I cry out in pain a little, no tears this time. A swift swat to my bottom, and I can hear you tell me to relax. Believe me I am trying. I know once I do, it will feel amazing. It does take a couple of times, but you are in and are working me hard. It feels great and I can hear just how much you love it in your voice as well. 

You withdrawal suddenly and with no warning taking me by complete surprise. Before I get a chance to feel empty, you pull me up onto my knees and are fucking my pussy again. I could do this all day. It feels amazing. You start to ask me questions about having both of my holes fucked, about when I was younger and a much wilder girl. I feel very safe with you, but never felt anything close to safe when I was younger. 

Even though I have told you no, you can't believe there wasn't a time that I got drunk and let it happen so you keep pressing the issue. I promise there was never a time that I even thought about having both of my holes fucked at the same time. Two guys at the same time is an overwhelming thought to me even today. Before my thoughts can go to that dark place, you pull it back to just you and me. 

You are working my ass with your thumb and my pussy with your cock at the same time, and begin talking about how good it feels and I am right there with you. I can see how two cocks at the same time could feel good, suddenly wishing you had two or that there were two of you. I push against the bed to get closer to your pounding as your rhythm picks up. You are giving me more homework now. Something you can play with while you are fucking my ass. Something I like, but you want it big like you. Once I agree, you pull forcefully out again and work yourself a little while you get ready to fuck my ass again. 

You spit right on my ass and work it around a little with your cock and then you thrust hard again and again and I can feel myself let go; feeling the need to explode building. Closer and closer with every bittersweet thrust. I can no longer hear what you are saying or what I am thinking or the control of the restraints. I can't remember anything but feeling like I was as high as possible. 

If I came, it was like nothing I ever felt before. I felt no convulsion, just a release. All of sudden I went from feeling toe curlingly high and outside of myself to nothing but peace. My body drops and I can feel you are still pounding away. It feels heavenly, but I am wholly done. As I come back to very limp self, I have lost my blindfold and I can hear you asking if I am ready for your cum. I am, but I am not even ready to speak yet. I just need to rest, and as I lay there, I can feel your bed is soaked from my own release. I hear you ask me again and I relent.

As you go to untie my hand, I all of a sudden feel the need to be very free. You are not working fast enough or you are having problems getting the knot untied now that I have pulled them so much tighter, and I am starting to panic. I am trying to move my legs, since I still can't move my arms, but that isn't quelling whatever anxiety is building. Finally you have one arm free, and I find myself relaxing again. You untie my other arm and go clean up while I roll back over to my back and watch you. Drinking you in once more. 

We have already discussed that I wanted you to cum on my pussy so I can watch. I should be getting in position, but I prefer you to tell me what to do so I continue to rest from my high and enjoy the show. Once you are done, you come back to the bed and command me to spread my legs. You tell me that you aren't done with me yet and pull me the fuck down the bed. I love when you do this. When you are putting me in my place so that you can fuck me. Getting me ready, getting yourself ready to thrust, and pound my clit with your fucking hard cock. 

And fuck, you are in immediately. Fucking me hard. Pull out again, work yourself again, shoot me a smile, pound against my clit, and then in again. Forcefully and fully. I can see you and your determination and I reach out for you to pull you even closer. Fuck me, this is perfection. This is bliss. I have worked my way up the bed again and you pull me forcefully down again and fuck the shit out of me. You pull out and command me to my knees again. You want me to taste my pussy on your cock. 

I drop off the bed on to my knees in an instant. You have a hold of my head and have forced your cock in my mouth. Deeper than I have taken you before. You are thrusting in as well and talking about me sucking your cock when I get back to town. You are definitely fucking my mouth (versus me sucking your dick) and I am a little afraid you might lose control. 

Before that happens though, you let go and ask for me to suck your balls and I happily comply. I can do this all day. I love the feel of your balls in my mouth, your hand moving back and forth from my face while you are stroking yourself. This has become my happy place. I hear you tell me how close you are to cumming, but that this feels too good to stop. I pull your ass closer with my hands so I can get a better grip. 

You ask me to lick your asshole, and since I know how this feels to me, I greedily do this for you. I can hear your breathing hitch and you let out a fuck for me, so I know I have you right where I want you. Fuck cumming on my pussy, fuck watching you cum, THIS is what I want. I want you to cum now and I can feel the tremor building in you. 

I can hear you plead with me to stop so you can cum on my pussy and I think about taking control myself. I can feel the animal in me start to take over, knowing I can make you cum while my tongue is in your ass and I am cupping your balls. I wonder for a moment how you would feel if I denied you for a change and took over, but then I remember how much I wanted to watch you last time and I don't want to miss it again. I get up quickly as I am afraid I've pushed you too far and I'll miss it. 

I spread my legs just in time to see you lower and I know you are so fucking close. A groan and you're cumming. Its warmth spreading as it hits my well fucked pussy and I run my hand through it while I watch the satisfaction spread across your face. I sit up and take your still warm dripping cock in my mouth to suck the last of it off. I look up at you and catch you say good morning. I smile and think, yes, it is.



Ruined - A Marriage In Ruin



Now I am not one who usually spends time at porn sites but one July night a few months ago I not only looked at the content but signed up for their premium membership. I figured it was $100 well spent. I was watching a live feed of a very hot woman as she was being banged from behind by a very good looking well built guy. I have seen better porn but something about this scene really got to me. It was the woman, "Hot Housewife Jenna" they called her, but I knew her real name was Kelly. Kelly was my wife.

"Hot Housewife Jenna"/Kelly was moaning rather loudly as the unknown "hot" guy was slamming into her. He had her by the hips and was pulling her back hard onto his cock every time he stroked forward. I was pretty certain that he was fully buried into her hot wet pussy every time he thrust forward. She moaned and groaned and I could see from the expression of lust on her face that she was enjoying her fucking immensely. I had witnessed that "fucking lust" look firsthand many times. I knew she would be exploding soon in an intense orgasm. As I continued to watch my prediction came true and she let it go and just shook as she screamed out from the intense pleasure she was receiving. Nature's Pleasures Spa was certainly a good name for the website because she was doing what nature intended, having hot sex and deriving the greatest of pleasure from it.

When the unknown man withdrew his cock I could see that he was similar in length and girth to me. Perhaps he was a bit larger but maybe a bit smaller too I am really not sure. Similar in all respects was a pretty accurate guess. When Kelly rolled over on the bed laying there looking totally fucked he grinned and said, "Well darlin' that was pretty damned good. I bet your old man never makes you cum that good, does he?"

"Hot Housewife Jenna" my Kelly grinned back at him and said without hesitation, "Well Mario, that was pretty damned good for sure as you say, but just so you know, no one lights me up like my husband. I have been with a few men but no one ever makes me cum like he does. You are good but he is fantastic so don't quit trying harder." And, she grinned at him again.

Mario looked at her quizzically and asked, "Well if he is so fantastic, why are you cheating on him by coming here and letting me fuck you?"

She replied without losing her grin, "I didn't plan for it to happen but I like to fuck and I am glad you fuck me. I also do it because I can get away with it and he will never know. I actually love my husband with all my heart and after three nights here I realize how much better he is than what I get here and it makes me love him and appreciate him all the more."

She laughed and added, "Actually, I probably am doing him a favor by coming here and doing this. So, get your ass over here and fuck me some more."

Like I said earlier, the $100 was money well spent because I was able to see what was going on with my loving wife for a lot less than surveillance equipment or private investigators would have cost me. 

You are probably asking yourselves how I got here, what transpired before that night to make me go to this site. It's a good question and I guess the most honest answer would be a fluke, a rare piece of good fortune that turned my way. Not good fortune that my wife was fucking Mario but good fortune in that I now knew she was cheating on me.

Kelly and I have been married for just over eight years. We first met when we were in elementary school together. We grew up in the area of a small sized town in central Illinois. She lived in town and I lived out in the country. Her father owned the largest grain elevator in the area and my father owned the largest grain farm in the area. Because our parents did business together it was natural that we would meet and go to school together and be friends. 

I won't bore you with the grade school crushes, the high school romance or even the college scene. We both have dated and yes bedded other people. We had not been exclusive with one another but deep down I guess we always knew that we should be a couple. Oh yes, I was indeed the one who took her virginity, but along the way there were others for her and for me. 

It was in our junior year at the University of Illinois that we decided to become exclusive and some time later I asked her to marry me. About a year and a half later, one week after we graduated we were married. We both received degrees in Business Administration. Life was good. At least I thought it was good until that night in July.

Anyway, let me continue. Three years ago Kelly's parents retired and moved to Phoenix, AZ. Kelly, her sister Amber and her two brothers Tom and Carl Gentry bought 48% interest in the grain business from Tom Sr.. He wanted to retain controlling interest for a few years to add his financial backing to their growth. Eventually he would begin to decrease his interest until they owned it 100%. 

Amber is married to a friend of mine, Walter Swanson (Wally) who also happens to be a grain farmer. He operates a farm that is just a few hundred acres smaller than mine. We live quite close to each other and spend some good times with them.

Tom and Carl co-manage the grain business and Kelly is their controller (bookkeeper). Amber also works at the facility dealing with customers and processing grain sales transactions, etc.. It is a true family run business with a few additional employees, mostly truck drivers and grain handlers. During the peak of harvest season they employ a few part time workers also.

I guess that is enough background so I should continue with the sordid tale of how I discovered my wife fucking another guy online and what happened after that discovery.

All four of the Gentry children had spent a huge amount of extra time putting together the deal for the purchase of the interest in the grain business from their father. I wasn't involved very much in it but I knew that they had to bust their humps to get the deal done. There were bank meetings. There were meetings with the Illinois Department of Agriculture. There were meetings with insurers. All of them were burned out after the deal was done. 

Fortunately this all took place during the winter which was their slowest time of the year. For me it was after harvesting time so I didn't need Kelly on the farm as much as I would have during my two busy times of the year. She didn't actually do any of the farm work herself, but with 2,200 acres in corn and soybeans both of those times are extremely busy for me and I needed Kelly to run errands for me etc. , you get the picture.

So since we were not busy, the girls (Kelly and Amber) decided they wanted to take a few days and go to a spa to relax and unwind. They booked a three night getaway at an appropriately named spa called "Princess Spas". I know I spoke of "Nature's Pleasures Spa" but that was the name on the website. The real name of the spa was "Princess Spas".

The girls came back so relaxed and rejuvenated that they decided to do it again that July after the planting season was well over. The next year they booked another weekend. It was during that weekend spa visit that I was viewing the video online. But how did I ever find it?

Dan Marvell the field agent for the Illinois Department of Agriculture in our county happened to stop by during a routine tour of his area of responsibility. Kelly and I had known Dan in college and he asked about her and I mentioned that she was on a getaway at "Princess Spas". Dan gave me a funny look and said that there was something funny happening there that maybe I would be interested in checking out. He said a cousin of his used to work at that spa as a masseuse and had told him some pretty wild tales about what happened there. He said they even had a website with a different name. He didn't recall the exact name but thought it had something to do with "pleasures". I asked him what he was talking about and he cautiously said he didn't really want to go into it but that I should check it out.

Well, you don't know me but I am an internet "poker". I go online and poke around looking for interesting stuff and occasionally do hit porn sites but usually just other interesting stuff. So that evening in question I did some poking around and I found "Nature's Pleasures Spa". 

It didn't take long to find the live feed and the game was on. Now I can tell you all about what happened that night but why? You know what happened. I was hurt, I cried, I yelled, I got angry, I got depressed and I got everything else a man would get when he found out his wife cheated on him.

I soon found out that it wasn't the first time she had cheated either because "Nature's Pleasures Spa" had an archive folder and I was able to find videos from the previous two visits as well as videos of the two previous nights Kelly and Amber had been there. With the premium membership I was able to download each of the videos for an additional $20 each. I downloaded the two videos from their first visit, three from their second visit and three from the current trip. I downloaded eight videos in all at a cost of $160.

So, for a grand total of $260 I had all the evidence I would ever need to divorce my wife. I just didn't have a plan yet how I was going to do it. But, I knew it had to start right away. I wouldn't wait a month or two weeks or even one week to bring it about. As far as I was concerned the quicker we parted company the better. She had fucked another man a minimum of eight times and I had video proof. Actually she had fucked at least two different men, Mario and Steve on the videos I had downloaded.

I didn't know and I didn't even care if there had been more. Two men and eight times was more than enough.

I made a few of copies of the videos onto DVD's and put them in a very safe place. When my father built the house he had a wall safe installed with access through a hidden panel in the built-in bookcase in the office. Once the copies were safely hidden away I deleted all references to "Nature's Pleasures Spa" on my computer and deleted all of the original files on my computer. Other than the DVD copies there was no longer a trail to what I had as evidence.

When all of that had been done I got my cell phone and sent a text message to Kelly on her cell phone. "Kelly, this is Jack. I happen to know exactly what you are doing at 'Princess Spas' and I have evidence to back it up. Don't bother to come back to the house if you decide to come back here at all. This house is no longer your home and soon I will no longer be your husband. We are finished. My lawyer will be in touch with you in the next few days. Arrangements can be made at that time for you to come and pick up your personal possessions."

Apparently Kelly had turned her cell phone off and never got my text message until the next morning because I never heard a thing from her that night. But, early the next day my phone started ringing. I could see by caller ID that it was Kelly so I didn't pick up. Soon I heard her leaving me a voice mail.

"Jack, what in the world are you talking about honey? I have no idea what is going on there but why on earth would you text me such awful stuff? Amber and I are packing up now and I will be home in a couple of hours. I don't know what you are thinking I did but you are wrong. I will see you when I get there and then we can talk. I love you Jack."

A very short time later my cell phone rang too and again I didn't answer it but let it go to voice mail. Again it was the same message, almost to the exact words. I wondered if she had written down what she was going to say.

When I didn't answer that call it didn't take long for the text message to come too. She was a broken record because she repeated almost verbatim what she had said in the two telephone messages. 

Since I didn't have to actually talk to her I decided to send a short reply back to her by text so she knew I got her messages but chose to not talk to her. I simply texted her, "I wonder if Mario would have any idea about 'what in the world are you talking about honey?' if I asked him. Why don't you have him call me and I will ask him?"

"What I said about not coming back to the house I meant. DO NOT think you can come home, you cannot. It is over Kelly."

I didn't get any more texts but I did get another phone call from Kelly later that afternoon. She left a message, "Jack, we need to talk. I am staying with Amber until you and I talk and put this awful misunderstanding behind us. Please call my cell phone and talk to me." That was Sunday afternoon and I did not return the call.

The next morning I went to my bank and arranged for a second safe deposit box in my name only. I put one copy of the DVD's in the box along with the original of my prenuptial agreement. I had made arrangements for a meeting with my lawyer at 11:00 am so I had made an additional copy of the prenuptial agreement. He had one I was sure but I didn't want to take a chance that there would be any problem.

At the appointed time I walked into my lawyer's office and there sat Kelly. She looked up at me when I walked in and I could see that she looked like hell. It was obvious that she had been crying and her hair was unkempt and I could see that she had not had much sleep because there were dark circles under her eyes. She always got that way when she was overtired.

Kelly said to me, "Jack, we have to talk about this."

I asked, "How did you know I was going to be coming here?"

She said, "Richard called me when you made the appointment."

At that time Richard Warner my attorney came out into the reception area and asked us both to come into his office. My anger was seething beneath the surface so I said, "No Richard, we will not be going into your office together. You have broken my trust by calling Kelly and I need a straight answer from you right this moment."

"Are you going to represent me? Only me?"

You know lawyers are supposed to be so damn smart but this guy must have gotten short changed in the distribution of brains because he said, "No Jack, if this continues I will be representing Kelly."

It turns out he thought that the grain business was a better client for him than my farm business was. It actually may have been because besides the grain business he had all of the Gentry family members too. I had my opinion on that issue and felt that he would eventually realize the error of his thinking.

"Fine Richard, please have all of my original documents in your possession and all copies of contracts and other paperwork of mine that you have available to me at 4:00 pm today. I will either stop in to pick them up or have a courier drop by to pick them up."

"I just want you to know that I have appreciated the work you have done for me in the past but you are making a big mistake here Richard. I will be seeking legal services elsewhere and my new attorney will be contacting you as soon as possible."

Kelly had stood quietly during this entire exchange but now pleadingly asked, "Jack, why won't you talk to me now to clear this up?" 

"Because Kelly, it is obvious that Richard values you greater as a client than he values me and I will not be having this conversation with you without legal representation and I wouldn't trust him."

Richard piped up, "Jack, you know I have always been straight with you so you have nothing at all to fear."

"Oh Richard, I have lots to fear. You cannot serve two masters so they say and it is clear whom you have chosen to be the master in this. Besides, you have already proven you can't be trusted when you called Kelly in here."

"Goodbye, my attorney will be in touch." I could hear Kelly begin to cry again when I walked out the door.

Shit, now I had to find a new attorney. Well I knew that David Warner was a very able attorney and highly competitive with Richard Warner. I figured that might be a good choice but I wouldn't dive in without doing some checking. Attorneys, accountants, bankers and insurance agents are people you get into bed with and you better really know what you have before you pull back the covers. I realized that attorney client relationships are most crucial because they almost always have privileged information. I knew a few people who used David so I called the law office and asked them if they had a list of references. The secretary said they did have a list and gladly agreed to email it to me. 

There were four friends of mine on the list so I decided to stop in to see three of them and get their opinion about the work that David did. It really didn't take a whole lot of time because each of the three quickly gave me a glowing recommendation for David. There was no doubt in my mind that he would do a good job for me. I didn't go see the fourth friend because it was Wally and I didn't want to get him involved since he is married to Amber, Kelly's sister.

I called David's office a second time. I gave my name and asked if I could make an appointment to see him after 4:00 pm. The receptionist told me that he was busy until 4:30 pm but she would check with him and see if he could see me after that. I realized that there was a chance that he would not see me but I had to try. 

When she came back on the line she said that Mr. Warner would indeed see me at 4:30 pm but it would have to be a short meeting as he had other obligations in the evening. I agreed to that and told her I would be there shortly before 4:30 pm. She said, "I look forward to seeing you at that time then Mr. Hagan. By the way, my name is Samantha. I am David's wife."

At 4:00 pm I stopped at Richard's office to pick up my paperwork and they didn't have it all copied yet. It was obvious that they had been stalling hoping that I would change my mind. I have to tell you that I blew up big time and told them that I had better have every piece of my legal paperwork in the next fifteen minutes or my new attorney would be contacting them. They asked me who that might be and I told them they would find out soon enough.

Well that office was bustling after that. I think they had three people making copies all at one time and twenty minutes later I had every sheet. I still had time to get to David's office by my appointment time so I didn't raise any more stink about being late on my deadline.

I had my meeting with David and he agreed to become my personal and business attorney. I asked him if I could leave all of the paperwork I had obtained with him for safekeeping and he agreed to put it in his vault until we had the time to go over all of it together. We set an appointment for the next day, Tuesday, at 9:00 am to go over all of the paperwork and set a plan for my divorce.

When I walked out of the office at 5:30 pm I smiled at Samantha and asked, "Well Samantha, am I in trouble or are your evening plans still okay?"

She grinned back at me and said, "You did just fine Mr. Hagan. Our evening will go just as planned. I wish all of our clients were as prompt as you have been. But, please call me Sam from here on."

"Thank you Sam, and you please call me Jack."

The next morning we reviewed all of my business paperwork and contracts. I can't discuss it here though you know 'attorney client privilege' and all that. I can tell you though that David thought that everything seemed to be in order from the business perspective.

We broke for lunch and David and Sam invited me to join them at the local diner. I agreed and met them there since I wanted to stop at my bank before we resumed in the afternoon. They were a charming couple and we had a very enjoyable lunch together. I found out that they were both a few years ahead of me in school. David had said that he actually was in the same grade as Tom Gentry but that they were not close. I guess they were both too competitive with each other. 





Ruined - A Marriage In Ruin



I found out that they had been married about ten years and had two daughters ages six and three. They showed me pictures and the two little ones were very pretty. They took after their mom too I could see. Both had beautiful smiles just like Sam.

I think that lunch did me a world of good. It made the relationship with my new attorney much easier to transition into. But, the negative to the lunch was that I realized that my life partner wasn't there with me anymore. David and Sam were so awesome together and reminded me so much of how it had been with Kelly before I found out about her cheating. It just made me sad and a couple of times I know my eyes misted up. David didn't notice a thing but I could see that Sam had noticed and got a concerned look on her face.

After lunch I stopped at the bank and made a few changes to protect my assets. I also picked up a $5,000 check payable to David Warner Law Offices. It would be a retainer for the work they would do for me in the near future. David hadn't asked for anything yet but I knew he would appreciate the effort.

I arrived back at the office at 1:30 pm to resume our meeting. Sam told me that David was on the phone and she took me to the small conference room we had been meeting in. She asked me if I wanted any coffee or anything else and I told her "no" that I was fine. She sat down beside me in one of the chairs and reached out her hand to me.

"David didn't tell me what's going on Jack but I can guess what this afternoon is going to be about based on your reactions at lunch. I see you are wearing a wedding ring so I am guessing it has to do with your wife. If you will allow me, I am going to ask David to let me sit in here with you this afternoon while we deal with whatever you have to tell us."

I was on the verge of breaking down again so I just nodded my agreement. My anger had tamed for the time being and I guess the emotions of the hurt were stronger now. It would be good to have a woman close by with the sensitivity they have. I realized I just might need the sympathetic presence of having Sam there.

In the afternoon meeting I told the entire story about discovering Kelly's cheating. I know broke down a couple of times and Sam stepped in to sympathize and comfort me. Once I regained control of my emotions I informed them of my intentions. 

"Unless something comes out to change my mind I plan to file for divorce and to enforce the terms of the prenuptial agreement."

David and I reviewed the prenuptial agreement in detail. The terms are pretty much as follows:

   I keep 100% of all farm assets, real estate and personal property

   Kelly keeps 100% of grain business assets

   Kelly gets 50% of our financial assets if there has been no infidelity.

   If there has been infidelity:

      Kelly only gets $25,000 for each year if she has been unfaithful, not 50%. 

      Jack only gets $25,000 for each year if he have been unfaithful, not 50%.

   Household personal property 50% split regardless of the circumstances.



"Jack, I need you to show me the proof of infidelity," David asks.

"No David, I have the proof but I will not show it to you now or to anyone else for that matter unless we are forced to go to court over this. Then I will show it to the judge."

David insists, "Jack I need to see it to be sure we have a case of infidelity. I need to be sure."

"David, you need to trust me. I have the proof but I loved Kelly and I don't want anyone seeing what I have seen unless it is absolutely necessary."

Sam touched David on the arm and nods her head yes. David reluctantly agreed.

During the next couple of days Kelly called me several times and left me messages. I never took her calls and deleted the messages without listening to them.

David called me and said, "We have set a Thursday meeting with you & I and Kelly & Richard."

On Thursday at 10:30 am David and I drove over to Richard's office to meet with him and Kelly. When we arrived I saw that Kelly's car was already in the parking lot so we went on into the office. Richard's receptionist ushered us back to a small conference room where we waited only a couple of minutes before Richard and Kelly came in.

Kelly looked a lot better than she had when I saw her at Richard's office earlier in the week. Obviously she had fixed herself up for the meeting because she was in fact beautiful. I did everything I could do to keep my feelings hidden because I didn't want her to see how my heart ached for her. She smiled at me and said, "Jack, I hope we can finally talk and get this misunderstanding behind us. I miss you and want to come home."

I didn't respond to her because I felt my voice would crack if I said anything at the moment. I needed to get my emotions under control. It wouldn't be easy but I had to do it.

David spoke up. "We are here to discuss the divorce proceedings for dissolution of Jack and Kelly's marriage. I believe we should open up the discussion giving each party time to express their thoughts and opinions about how this young couple goes forward in their lives."

Richard was nodding and interjected, "My client feels this is a total misunderstanding and welcomes the opportunity to clear the air and talk to her husband."

I had been having a hard time controlling my emotions but Richard did me a big favor. He ignited the anger in me again and right now it was at the boiling point. I knew I could control the anger and that made it simple to also control my emotions, my hurt and disappointment in Kelly. I would be okay.

I said, "That is fine with me Richard. Your client can talk to her husband." I looked across the table at Kelly and said, "Kelly, here are some facts. When we married we signed a prenuptial agreement and we modified it two years ago when you bought into your father's business. I have brought along copies of the modified agreement for all parties to have."

Kelly looked on in a bit of a shock. She quietly said, "But Jack, I don't want a divorce. I want to be your wife. Why can't we just get past this misunderstanding and go home and be happy again?"

I pretty much glazed over that comment and continued, "Our intention was to protect individual interests while still reaping the benefits of our marriage. Originally the prenuptial agreement was to protect assets held in my family over several generations. Then when you bought into your father's business it was to also protect the same assets long held in your family."

"In the event of a divorce our agreement clearly spells out that I will retain 100% the assets from my family and you will retain 100% the assets from your family. All debt pertaining to those business assets will accrue to the business and the other party will have no responsibility. Because we jointly worked to provide our marital assets our agreement calls for certain monetary and property splits depending on the circumstances of our divorce."

"As this document clearly shows you are entitled to all of your personal items including clothing, jewelry, your car and other items that a man would have no interest in. Likewise I have the same entitlement on my side. All other non-farm personal property such as furniture, artwork, electronics, etc. is to be split 50/50. Farm personal property such as grain bins and machinery & equipment, etc. is to remain 100% mine as it is an integral part of the farming operation."

"The monetary distribution to you in the event of a divorce is 50% of financial assets if there has been no infidelity. There are two exceptions to that distribution in the event of infidelity as you can see in the document. In the event that you divorce me for infidelity the distribution would be that I get only $25,000 per year or $200,000, not 50%. In the event that I divorce you for infidelity the distribution would be $25,000 per year or $200,000 total, not 50%."

"I am going to ask you some questions Kelly. How you answer the questions will determine whether I pursue the divorce and on what grounds. Obviously that will also then determine the outcome of any monetary distributions."

"If our marriage is going to have any chance to survive Kelly, you must answer each question with perfect honesty. If you refuse to answer or I catch you in any lie it is over. Is that understood? Are you willing to do that to have a chance to save our marriage?"

Kelly had been sitting there looking totally stunned by my recitation of our prenuptial agreement. She quickly snapped out of it and responded, "Yes Jack, I will answer your questions and I will answer them honestly. I love you and I want our marriage to survive. I will do anything to get you to stop this and allow me to come back home."

"Kelly, I would like to tape record these questions. Is that acceptable to you?" 

This time she hesitated a bit and turned to Richard who had pretty much remained silent up until this point. Richard being a typical lawyer said, "Kelly, I would advise against that but you do what you feel is important to you."

With that my lawyer, David piped up, "Well Kelly, I agree with Richard and would advise you or my client to not tape this, but it is Jack that has to be convinced here not Richard or I, so do what you feel is right."

Kelly said, "I will do anything to get past this misunderstanding so yes, go ahead and tape this. I am okay with taping any conversation between Jack and me."

David and I had brought along a tape recorder so we put it on the table where all voices would be picked up by the microphones.

Kelly asked, "Jack, what are your questions?"

"Kelly, I want to ask you if you have been faithful to me. But I want to ask it in three different time periods. The first time period is from the day we pledged to be exclusive with one another up until the day we were engaged. Were you faithful to me during that time period?"

Kelly smiled and said, "Yes Jack, I was faithful to you during that time period."

She thought she was winning points now but her smile was quickly turned to shock when I said, "Well, that is lie number 1. You couldn't even answer the very first question honestly. I should get up and walk out right now but I won't yet."

"Are you telling me you didn't fuck Larry Evendale two days after we pledged exclusivity? Is that what you are telling me? Larry was that kind of guy Kelly, he had to brag and he in fact bragged to me that you invited him over to your house on a Tuesday night when your parents were going to be gone and he fucked you silly on your own bed. He told me that when he blew his load into your hot pussy you had your legs spread and up on his shoulders. He told me that after that you sucked him back to hardness and then you rode him cowgirl until he blew up into you again. And as a parting shot he said you begged him to fuck you doggie style and he blew his final load of the night while pounding your pussy from behind and slapping your hot butt. Oh and Kelly, he told me he didn't use a condom either. He grinned at me and said bareback is a lot more fun when you are fucking a slut."

"His parting shot at me before he walked away was, 'Jack, she really loved it and I am certain that I will get lots of repeat performances in the future, probably even after you marry the slut.' Now you probably could say he made it all up but strange as it seems, Amber was nearby and happened to overhear it all. She walked over to me after Larry left and said, 'Jack, Kelly loves you and she won't cheat on you again. She was just giving him a farewell fuck. Please don't do anything stupid. And by the way, he lied, he did use condoms. I saw the packages in the trash the next morning.' So you see Kelly, you have already lied to me but I can understand what you did even if I hated it. I am going to give you a pass on this lie but there will be no more passes. From here on tell me the truth or suffer the consequences."

"After that event I didn't trust you so I watched you like a hawk for the next six months. For that entire six months you did nothing to arouse suspicions in me so I asked you to marry me and gave you the ring you have on your finger for the time being. I knew you were probably hoping that would come quicker but I wasn't ready to trust you yet so you had to wait."

"Question # 2: During our engagement, from that day you got the ring until our wedding day did you cheat on me Kelly?"

She never hesitated a second as she said, "No absolutely not."

I knew what that answer was going to be because I said, "Well I know that is true because you see I still didn't trust you totally so I continued to observe you for that entire year until I felt I could trust you. I was almost certain you were faithful to me during that time."

Richard to his credit asked if we could take a break. He wanted to confer with his client and give her time to regroup. He had noticed like me that during my tirade about Larry Evendale Kelly had gotten very emotional and was on the verge of breaking down. He wanted to give her a chance to compose herself before we continued.

We in fact took a break for lunch and David and I drove by his office and picked up Sam and went to the local diner for the blue plate special. Sam asked how it was going and David said, "I think Jack is doing fine. There hasn't been much come out yet but he laid the groundwork for an honest answer for the marital period. If she admits all of it he may still want to pursue the divorce but he also may see that she truly wants to preserve her marriage. It will be a tough call but I think he will be able to make it. Of course if she lies then Jack has to decide where to go from there."

Sam looked over at me and her woman's intuition kicked in and I knew she saw my pain. I gave a weak smile and said, "This is not an easy thing at all. Why on earth do people do such stupid things and cause so much pain in their own lives and in the lives of those who they love?"

She reached her hand over on top of mine and said, "If we only knew Jack we could bitch slap them before they could be so stupid."

Of course that got me to laugh as did David. Even in this difficult time I could laugh. I guess that is a testament to the resiliency of humanity. People grieve at funerals but they also laugh. I guess people grieve at divorces but can also laugh too.

I smiled at Sam and said, "Thanks Sam, I really needed that." She just nodded.

Shortly after 1:00 pm we returned to Richard's office and the meeting with Kelly.

Before I asked the next question I reminded Kelly, "You need to answer these questions with total honesty. If you lie in any way it will be the end of this meeting and no hope at all for our marriage. Do you understand this?"

Kelly said, "Yes I understand and I will tell you the truth."

"Kelly," I asked, "From the day we were married until this very moment did you ever cheat on me?"

I saw the tears well up in her eyes and I felt so badly for her because I knew how painful it must be for her but I couldn't comfort her or let her off the hook. I needed so badly for her to care enough about our marriage that she would confess everything. I didn't know if I could stop this divorce or not if she told me the total truth. I would know however that if she told the total truth she cared enough to try to save our marriage.

"Yes Jack I did cheat on you," she responded. She dropped her head down onto her crossed arms on the table and just sobbed. "I am so sorry Jack. Can you ever forgive me?"

I asked that Richard and David leave the room because I had a few more questions for Kelly and I didn't want to embarrass her in front of those other men. They both objected but I insisted that David leave and Kelly nodded to Richard that she wanted him to leave also.

I had her confession that she had cheated on me on tape. It would be all I needed in a divorce hearing and I didn't want the rest of my questions and her answers on tape so I turned it off. 

"Kelly, answer these questions. When, Where, Who and Why?"

She sniffled a few times, "Oh Jack, I am so sorry, it happened this weekend at 'Princess Spa'. One of the masseurs named Mario is who I cheated with. I don't know exactly why it happened Jack, I guess just passions of the moment would be the best way to describe the why. Amber and I had been enjoying the day so much and after a wonderful dinner we each decided on getting a massage before we went to bed."

"My masseuse was Mario. I was on the massage table in the room lying on my stomach. Mario started the massage and it felt so good. His hands were soft and yet strong. He worked the muscles in my arms in my shoulders and back. He worked from my feet up my legs. He even worked my inner thighs but stopped short of becoming too intimate if you know what I mean."

"Then he started working on my back and shoulders again as I was still tense in those areas. I felt him untie my bikini top and pull the sides down. I was still on my stomach so I didn't worry about it until I felt his fingers caress the sides of my breasts. I have to confess it felt great and I did nothing to stop him. At that moment I had no idea I would get in over my head."

With that she started to cry again, "Oh Jack, if I could go back I never would have allowed it and we wouldn't be where we are now. You have to believe me."

Even though it was killing me to hear all of this I wanted to hear the story she was telling. Not out of lust or a desire to get turned on but because I wanted to know what she would tell me.

"Go on Kelly, tell me the rest."

"After he caressed the sides of my breasts I felt his lips on my back and it was starting to ignite a fire in me. Then he ran his hand right up to my pussy and I don't know what got into me but I just spread my legs a little and let him do it. Oh God Jack, I am so sorry and I don't know what to say but please forgive me. Please. "

I know what a sexual person Kelly is and I knew when he had touched her pussy she was probably toast but there was no excuse for her to have let it go that far, none. 

I sat there for a moment hoping she would go on but she didn't say another word and just sat there with her head down sniffling. Finally she raised her head up and looked at me with a questioning look.

"Jack, is there any hope that you will forgive me?"

I didn't want to make it sound like we were in court but in fact we kind of were so I asked her, "Kelly, is this the truth?, The whole truth?, And, nothing but the truth?"

She looked at me with what I would describe as a weird look. It was look of wonderment. It was a look that had a question but no way to ask it. It was kind of an 'I wonder how much he knows' look. Finally she said, "Yes Jack that is what happened. I am so sorry."

At that moment my heart was breaking and against all odds I was able to hide both the pain of her betrayal and the anger at her lies and keep my cool. I got up from the table and walked over to the door and summoned David and Richard back into the room.  

I looked at both men and said, "This meeting is over."

With that I walked over to the door and turned around. "Kelly, I am divorcing you on the grounds of infidelity. The terms of the prenuptial agreement will be enforced."

She was shocked and asked, "But why Jack? I confessed my cheating and I am begging you to forgive me and go on with our marriage. Please Jack, Please. I love you so much, please forgive me."

"Kelly, you lied to me. You didn't care enough about our marriage to lay it all on the line. If you had I am not sure I could still have stayed married to you but you never even gave it a chance. You had it all in your own hands and lied. I know you cheated more than the one time with Mario and I have the proof. I warned you that you had to tell the truth and you don't care enough about me and our marriage to have done that. It is over."




Ruined - A Marriage In Ruin



I turned back around, opened the door and started to walk through.

She screamed, "Wait Jack, I will tell you everything, everything you want to know. Please don't leave me."

I spun around once again and glared at her with all the hurt and anger I could muster and spat out, "You were warned, you had your chance and thought you could get away with only one episode so you lied. You had your chance Kelly." And I screamed back at her, "IT IS OVER!"

David hurried after me and finally caught up with me as I was getting into my car. He grabbed my arm and asked me, "Do you really want to file on the charge of infidelity?"

"Yes I do, she had her chance. Somehow I must have misjudged her all these years. I wanted her to care enough to confess everything but she couldn't even be honest with me now. Go ahead and file."

I drove out to our house, my house now, and grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator. Actually I grabbed two and went into my office and sat at my desk and practically chugged down the first one. Then I drank the second one more slowly as I sat and reflected on all that had happened. I had multiple copies of the video downloads squirreled away in safe places but I didn't think I would even have to make that public because I had her confession.

My head snapped up when I realized that I had walked out of the office without the tape. I called David quickly and said, "This is Jack, did you pick up the tape recording of Kelly's confession before you came running after me?"

"Oh shit," I heard him say, "No Jack I didn't. I rushed out after you to catch you and I completely forgot about the tape. I am so sorry Jack."

I was so careful in everything I planned and then because I was hurt and angry all at the same time I had screwed everything up by charging out of there without my tape. Damn. "Well David, why don't you give Richard a call and see if you can run over there and pick it up. But, my guess is that their answer will be something like this. 'We thought you had everything you needed when you left so we just erased everything, sorry.' I will be shocked if you are actually able to get it. But don't worry even if you don't get it because I have plenty of evidence to file for infidelity anyway."

"Okay man, I am sorry. I know you didn't want to use the video downloads and now you might have to if she fights the infidelity charge."

"Don't worry about it David, everything will work out."

After I hung up with David I went to the refrigerator and got another beer. Damn, how could I be so stupid.

I wasn't lit up but I was feeling no pain as I sat and watched the evening news before going off to bed. I thought I heard a vehicle come onto the yard so I slowly pulled myself up and out of my chair and went to the back door. I walked out onto the porch and saw a dark form moments before the lights went out. Something hit me on the back of the head and all I saw was blazing light and then I drifted off into total darkness.

Beep.......beep.......beep.....is what I heard. It didn't take me long to realize that the beeping was close beside me. I opened my eyes and tried to turn slightly to my right to see what it was when the excruciating pain hit me full force. I thought my chest was going to explode and the pain shot straight up into my head creating flashes of blue and silver stars. 'What the fuck!' I thought. I heard a slight rustling nearby and felt a surge of something in my body and I was out again.

The next time I heard the beeping I opened my eyes and looked around as best as I could without moving. I had learned my lesson from the first time. I saw a nurse sitting in the chair beside me. I tried to turn again slowly this time but I couldn't turn.

"Hi Jack, I am Susan and I am your nurse. Please don't try to move okay? Everything is going to be okay and I will explain everything to you but please lay still. Do you understand me?"

I think something was jammed down my throat but I was able to nod my head a little so I nodded that yes I understood.

"Jack, I need to go tell the doctor that you have regained consciousness and then we will be right back in here, okay?"

Again I nodded that I understood. It was finally dawning on me that I must be hurt and in the hospital but I couldn't recall anything about how it had happened. I guessed that someone would eventually tell me so I just lay there with my eyes closed until I heard them approaching me again. 

"Mr. Hagen,,, Jack, I am Dr. Julius. You have had several serious injuries as a result of a beating during the robbery of your home. Now that you have come around I am very certain that you will be okay but you had to be restrained so you wouldn't reinjure yourself by excessive movements. I am sure you felt the extreme pain when you tried to move yesterday, am I right?"

I had no reason to smile but I know a slight smile came to my face as I once again nodded my affirmative to the pain. 

"Yes, we should have been a bit more proactive on the restraints so you didn't have to go through that pain. I am sorry. I think we can take off the restraints now nurse Johnson, but Mr. Hagen, do not try to do anything on your own yet, okay?"

I nodded and also pointed to the tube down my throat. 

"Yes, we can also remove the ventilator now, nurse Johnson will do it."

The restraints were removed and the tube was removed as well. My throat was killing me and I couldn't speak. I was given a sip of water and after a short time I could talk but my voice was really crackly and it hurt a lot so I just whispered. "Will someone tell me what happened to me please?"

Dr. Julius said, "Jack, it is 7:00 am and you have just regained consciousness and gotten off the ventilator. Your throat is going to hurt for a few hours at least and we just want you to rest for now. Nurse Johnson is going to sit with you and after you have had a chance to rest we need to let the police know that you are able to talk. I will give you a while before we make that call so you can recover some but you will need to talk to them and they will be able to tell you everything that happened."

"I can tell you that medically you have some serious injuries including a concussion, three broken ribs and multiple contusions. You also had a punctured lung from one of your ribs that caused your lung to deflate but EMT's got to you in time to resuscitate you and after repairing the damage to your lung we were able to re-inflate it. You are actually pretty lucky Jack. If you hadn't been found quickly you most certainly would have died. To put it bluntly you have been beat up about as thoroughly as you could get. You were unconscious for five days, came to for a couple of minutes yesterday and were out again until today. We are going to monitor you closely for a few more days and then you will probably be free to go home."

As promised I had the rest of that day to rest with Nurse Johnson sitting close by the entire time. Any time I moved quickly I got pretty severe pains so I lay pretty still. By later that afternoon I was able to sit up and with a great deal of assistance was able to use the facilities. 

Susan, Nurse Johnson, and I had some time to talk and I found out that she had been about three years behind me in school. Her name then was Susan Fisk and she had married Chad Johnson and she had a three year old daughter, Emily. Apparently Chad was like Kelly and had been cheating on Susan so she divorced him. I told her what had been going on with Kelly and of course she was quite sympathetic.

The next morning bright and early I was entertaining two police detectives, Harold Robbins and Josh Carter. I asked them to fill me in on what had happened to me before they got too far into asking questions.

Detective Robbins said, "Well, apparently it is a robbery that resulted in an assault on you. We found a two by four on the porch alongside you and it had your hair and blood on it. There were no finger prints on it so we assumed whoever wielded it had been wearing gloves."

"The door to your house showed no signs of forced entry but of course that is because you came out onto the porch and the door was already open."

He continued, "When we searched the house we discovered that a number of pictures had been removed from the walls, there was an empty strong box in one of the desk drawers, all the file cabinets in the office had been ransacked, the drawers and closets in the bedrooms had been searched and there were empty drawers and racks of a jewelry box in the master bedroom. We see evidence of a robbery but of course don't have a clue to what was actually taken."

Detective Carter jumped in, "When you are able to go home you will have to look things over and determine to the best of your ability what has been taken. The doctor told us that it might be three or four more days before you are able to go home. At that time we will have you go over everything with us and we will update the reports."

Robbins jumped back into the lead and said it was time to ask some questions. "What do you remember of the attack and what happened after?"

"Well," I said, "Not much I am afraid. I had had a couple of beers and was watching the evening news when I heard a vehicle drive onto the yard. I got up to go see what it was about and stepped out onto the porch and saw the hint of a person kind of in shadows or darkness and then the lights went out. I cannot recall seeing or hearing anything else until yesterday. I am afraid I will not be much help in solving who did this."

"Well," Robbins said, "I think we still need to ask you a few questions which should help us work through this. Where was your wife when this happened?"

"My wife and I are separated. We are in the process of getting a divorce so I actually have no idea where she was at the time," I said.

"Tell me Mr. Hagen, can I call you Jack?"

"Yes of course you can."

"Is your divorce going amicably or is there contention between the two of you?"

"I guess I would have to say it isn't going well. She is contesting the grounds that I am planning on filing under."

"And what grounds will those be Jack?"

"I am going to file on the grounds of infidelity. We have a prenuptial agreement and her settlement is significantly less under those terms of divorce so that is what she is contesting."

"Well if I might say so, that gives her plenty of reasons to do you harm."

"Detective," I added, "I just don't believe she would do anything to hurt me. I can't believe it."

"That's okay," he interjected, "It will be something we will look at very closely however to do a thorough investigation. So are there any other people who might have a reason to do this to you? Do you have any business relationships that may have gone bad? Have you had any disagreements with neighbors or friends or family or any others?"

"No, I can't think of a thing."

"Okay Jack. I know we will have to take a complete inventory of what was taken when you are able, but two things I want to ask about now. Did you have any cash in the house, perhaps in the strong box? And, how much would it have been? Also, did you have anything else in the house including jewelry and artworks that would have had a 'significant' value? I'm talking about thousands of dollars of value or greater."

"Yes there was some cash in the strong box. I would say it was upwards of $8,000. I usually keep around $10,000 in cash on hand but I know I have paid some things out of it recently so it is probably at about $8,000. There were some nice pieces of jewelry but maybe only a few over $1,000. There was nothing else of significant value that I can think of at the moment."

I didn't tell them about the hidden safe behind the bookcase yet because firstly the detective never mentioned it and secondly I was pretty certain that no one would have found it and I wanted to keep that a secret if at all possible.

"Well Jack, I think that will be it for today. If you think of anything please don't hesitate to call me and when you are ready to go home let me know so we can do that inventory. If we have any other questions we will stop by here or at your home if you are there."

Over the next four days I got progressively better. I had plenty of naptime most days but some of the time I sat and talked with Susan. I had a several visitors including Wally, Amber, David and Sam. Kelly did not come and see me and other than Amber none of her family came to see me either. I suppose that was understandable under the circumstances but I would have actually welcomed the visit. Richard, Kelly's attorney did come to see me. We had been friends for years before this whole divorce thing started and I was glad he had come. Everyone told me how sorry they were that I had been injured and wished me well. Both Amber and Sam kissed me on the cheek before they left and they both had tears welled up in their eyes.

I had some difficult times over those four days. Though I slept I know that some of the time I was having bad dreams. I would wake up in a panic with my heart racing and felt tears in my own eyes. A few times when I awoke I wasn't sure where I was but it seemed that Susan was always there to sooth me with soft words and touches. At least one time I know I woke myself up screaming but I don't recall any of the bad dreams or the reason for the screams.

I found out later that she stayed at the hospital with me even when she was off duty and only went home to clean up and change clothes each day. She told me it was because of the events of my marriage that were especially close to her heart and she wanted to be there for me. I really appreciated that too.

Dr. Julius stopped to see me and let me know I was going to be discharged. I was happy for that and immediately started to get ready to leave. Susan helped me get ready and actually wheeled me down to the lobby and out the door where Wally and Amber were waiting to take me home. She wished me good luck and gave me a big hug. 

I know she really cared about me and I was thankful for her but my life was in a turmoil including my marriage and my health so I didn't pursue any further relationship with her. I told her I would like to call her sometime in the future and that was it. 

When I walked into my house I could see the mess that was still there. Wally and Amber offered to help me straighten up but I told them that I would rather leave it like it was for the time being until I had looked everything over. I promised them that I would call them to come help me when I was ready. They reluctantly agreed and left me alone.

The first thing I did was walk into the office and check on the safe behind the bookcase. Everything was in there including quite a bit more cash, certificates of deposit and some stocks and bonds. It was obvious that no one had found the safe or those things would have been taken too. The DVD of Kelly's infidelity was safely there as well.

I looked through the rest of the office and other than the cash, my laptop computer and a few numbered prints of wildlife by Terry Redlin nothing appeared to be gone. I did notice that bank statements and credit card statements appeared to be laid out on the desk so I am sure someone must have looked through them. I called both and alerted them that my account numbers might have been compromised and to be on the lookout for unusual activity. 

After a couple of weeks the investigation into the robbery and beating was moving slowly because the police really had no evidence that would connect to anyone. Detectives Robbins and Carter updated me often on the status of their work but so far no additional leads had come up. They did mention that because there were no high value items taken it was a dead end trying to trace things through fences like they do in some crimes. On their last call they both pretty much indicated that it would be put on the back burner unless some meaningful evidence came to light. 

In the initial stages of the investigation they had asked some serious questions about Kelly and me. I had been open and upfront with them in most instances. One thing I felt pretty strongly about was that Kelly wouldn't have hurt me and why take things that she would have gotten in the divorce anyway.  I guess the detectives agreed with that reasoning too because nothing came of it.

I had established new bank accounts and had new checks printed because I felt my old accounts had been compromised somewhat. Fortunately there was no activity that I couldn't explain but I still felt safer in establishing the new ones. I had purchased a new laptop computer and had reorganized everything in the office. I was back in business. 

I sat down to pay some of the bills that had piled up while I was out of it and came across a bill from REDSS, Inc. A light bulb clicked on in my head for the first time since the robbery. REDSS stood for Remote Electronic Data Storage Solutions. 

I had video surveillance of my yard. It encompassed the house, the grain bins and machine shed. The video feed went into the computer in my 'grain office' out by the bins and dryer. Every night that feed was uploaded to REDSS as a storage backup system. It was retained by them and I paid a monthly fee based on the amount of data retained by them. Every month I would go in and delete the oldest data to keep the fees manageable. I hadn't deleted anything from the time of the robbery. I had video!

I immediately logged on to the website for REDSS and selected the day of the robbery from the archives and I downloaded the entire day onto my laptop so I could view it. I was hoping that the quality would be good enough to identify who had beaten and robbed me. If it was good I would copy it onto a DVD and give it to Detectives Robbins and Carter. That would get the investigation going again. 

As I scanned through the day I realized there was nothing there that I would give to the detectives and I knew now that they would never solve the crime. 

The rest of the bills were paid and I started planning how I was going to move forward with the rest of my life. I decided to make contact with an old friend of mine from college days who worked for Cargill (one of the largest grain merchandisers in the US). Through him I arranged to meet with the powers to be in their acquisition department. It is amazing what people connections will do to make things happen. After about two weeks I had worked through my plans with Cargill and I took a little side trip to Las Vegas. I ended up flying to Phoenix because I had some business there and then drove up to Vegas to do a little gambling. After two days I flew back home and put all of my plans into action.

I called David and had him call Gentry Grain to set up a meeting for me with Kelly and her brothers Tom and Carl and her sister Amber. I told him that he should mention that with the impending divorce the grain reserves required by the state would no longer be sufficient because they wouldn't be able to include my grain stored there. I had David tell them that I wanted to sit down and discuss the situation with them and come to some resolution.

I think David shocked them because they readily agreed to meet with me. I guess they hadn't given any thought to what would happen if my grain was no longer in the equation. 

I walked into the office and greeted them all, "Hello Tom, Carl, Amber, Kelly. I guess you understood one of the reasons I felt we should sit down and resolve some issues."

Tom started to say something but I held up my hand and said, "I think I called this meeting and I suggest you all just sit here and listen to what I have to say before you make any comments. I honestly think it will be in everyone's best interest if you do that."

"First I would like to put this divorce to bed if you will. Sorry about the dig Kelly." I put the last draft of the divorce down on the table in front of Kelly and told her, "Sign these please."




Ruined - A Marriage In Ruin



She said, "Jack, I don't want a divorce. Whatever you think I did was not worth throwing away all the good years we had and I wish you could forgive me and work through our problems. I certainly don't want to do this here in front of my brothers and sister."

"Kelly, we are going to finish this now. There is no tomorrow for our marriage and the sooner you sign these papers the quicker we can both get on with our lives."

She got all red in the face and blurted out, "Well if you must divorce me I still plan on fighting the infidelity issue. That is the least you can do for me."

I knew she would play that card but I was of course ready for it. "If you chose to fight me on the infidelity issue Kelly I will have no recourse but to put this DVD into evidence before the court," and I threw a copy of the DVD onto the table with the divorce papers.

"In case you are wondering what it is, it is a video of all eight, yes I said eight, times you cheated on me at the spa."

Amber's face turned brilliant red and she shot daggers at Kelly. "You didn't? Kelly, how could you do that? You told me you did the same thing I did when approached and shut them down. How could you do that to Jack?"

"Yes Amber she did do that. She fucked Mario that first night when Steven approached you. Then she fucked Steven the next night. And on your second visit she fucked Mario all three nights and on this recent visit she fucked him three times. So yes, eight videos of you fucking Mario and Steve ought to get my infidelity issue squared away quite well. Sign the fucking divorce papers right now Kelly or I go to court with this. I am done messing around with you."

I could see that Tom and Carl were also in shock and Amber was quietly crying while Kelly signed the divorce papers. I left her one copy and put the rest in my brief case. Kelly had a numb look on her face and there were unshed tears in her eyes, for what I couldn't be sure but it didn't matter. I could see that she was shocked that I had the evidence to prove multiple incidents of infidelity but she wasn't done being shocked yet.

"Now, let's move on to the other issue before us, the grain issue. I can tell you are all in shock by what I just told you so I am going to make this quick but unfortunately worse."

"The bad news is that with this divorce you will no longer have the value of my stored grain included with your reserves and will be in violation of your grain license and your loan covenants."

"The good news is that I went to your father and presented my case to him and he agreed to sell me his 52% interest in the business. Your agreement with him had no clause for first right of refusal so I guess Richard didn't do the best job for you in the purchase after all. I didn't show him evidence of your cheating but he believed that I had it so to him this was a no brainer. He knew the company would be in trouble without my equity so he sold me his stock and now I am the majority shareholder in Gentry Grain, Inc. You each own 12% and as a group are in the minority position with 48%."

"The bad news is that I have negotiated a deal to sell my controlling interest in Gentry Grain to Cargill. They are always on the lookout for up and coming grain operations and Gentry Grain fills the bill at the right price. The good news is that you have the option to sell your shares to them for the same price I negotiated with them. It is my recommendation that you do that. I negotiated a very good price."

"The bad news is that now your company is owned by someone else and they will be evaluating personnel to see who adds value to the company. The good news is that as part of my negotiations you each have one year guaranteed employment. During that time I highly recommend that you bust your asses to prove to them that you are a valuable employee."

"Just so you know, I have also sold my farm to them and Wally has sold his farm to them as well. Wally has signed a long term contract with Cargill to manage both farms and we all know what a great job he does and will do for them."

The shock I had noted on all of their faces deepened and took on a degree of rage as well. Tom being the oldest and the unofficial leader of the Gentry clan was the first to actually speak. 

"What the hell have you done Jack? You have destroyed this family business because my sister cheated on you? What kind of man are you anyway? How did you get my father to sell you his stock? What kind of lies did you tell him?"

"I tell you what Tom," I said, "First your father sold me his stock to keep you out of jail, to keep Carl out of jail and to keep Kelly out of jail. You ask what kind of man I am but you should be asking yourself what kind of man you are, what kind of man your brother is and what kind of woman your sister is."

I tossed the second DVD out onto the middle of the table. "I think this video will give you all the answers you need as to why this is all happening. It clearly shows your pickup on my yard the night I was beaten. It clearly shows you and Carl beating me. It clearly shows you coming out of my house with my belongings. Consider yourselves lucky that I chose this route of revenge instead of turning this over to Detectives Robbins and Carter."

Kelly finally spoke up, "Jack, how can you do this to me?"

"Kelly, you are another case altogether. With you I feel like I wasted my whole life. Your father always treated my dad well enough but always kind of like a second class 'dumb farm boy'. Tom and Carl treated me very much the same way, always thinking you were too good for the likes of me. You were my best friend but you also considered yourself better than me in many ways. I could always tell."

"You were a deceitful lover. You promised to be exclusive with me and immediately slept with Larry Evendale."

"You were a cheating wife, disrespecting me and our marriage by fucking those men. When you watch that video remember that I saw every second and I heard every word."

"And worst of all Kelly, you are a lousy best friend. You know I almost died in the attack? One of my broken ribs punctured a lung and it deflated. If the paramedics hadn't gotten to me when they did I would have died. Interestingly enough, Tom and Carl broke my ribs but it was the three or four kicks from your booted foot that drove the broken rib into my lung. You Kelly almost killed the man you say you love so much. I would call that being a pretty rotten friend don't you think?"

Kelly had fainted. Amber and Carl rushed to her to catch her before she fell out of her chair. Then Amber went and got a cold cloth to help revive her. When she was conscious again I took my final shot.

"So you now know your father sold me his stock to keep all three of you out of jail. He isn't very proud of his children you know, except you Amber, and I am sure you will hear plenty about that in the future."

"Like I said before, I believe I have wasted most of my life on you Kelly, but I won't be wasting any more of my future. Have a great life." With that I walked out the door with all deals done. I was free to move on and I would.



Ruined - A Relationship in Ruin



This inspiration for this story came from a novel I recently finished. The premise of the story will follow the author's premise for a very short time but he never developed the direction I will take the story. His entire treatment of the subject was done in a couple of pages. I guess he isn't the same type of personality as me where I like to explore these cheating topics more fully.

*

Rick Miller is my name. I am 38 years old and I currently have a girlfriend, Tina. I have been in a relationship with her for about three years and I love her. We have discussed marriage many times and mutually agreed that we would be better off not getting married. Frankly, I had been married before and it had ended badly. I won't go into the details right now but perhaps some of the circumstances will be revealed later. Tina had also been married before and that too ended in a bad way. I guess we both feel like we don't want to ruin a good thing by getting married. I guess we are both a little afraid that if we get married we will repeat the bad events of the past. Anyway, we aren't married and don't plan on changing that any time soon.

I had a date with Tina to take her to a fancy reception at the nicest hotel in the city. She was going to receive an award from the Chamber of Commerce for KC's upcoming business people. You see Tina owns a jazz club in Kansas City by the name of Bocca Club. It was at the Bocca Club that I first met Tina. 

I had been gone from KC for a while and when I came back I wanted to play some jazz. I had played some in New Orleans under the name of Rick Thriller and I really liked jamming with other jazz artists and enthusiasts. I went to a club called the Jarrod's Jazz Club and was jamming with other jazz musicians a couple of times a week. I play the tenor sax and have to admit I play it pretty darn good. 

One night this hot lady from the audience walks up to me after the set. She says, "Hey Thriller, I'm Christina Bocca from the Bocca Club. My friends call me Tina so Thriller since I want to be your friend why don't you call me Tina." With that a huge smile crossed her face. I am sure a smile crossed my face too because who wouldn't want to be friends with such a hot lady.

She continued, "Thriller, why don't you drop over to the Bocca Club some night and thrill some of my customers? I love your playing and know my customers will love you too." What could I say? All I of was able to stutter out was, "Sure Tina, I think I would like to be your friend and I will drop in some night soon and play with you." She blushed at that comment and I immediately realized what I had said and again stuttered out, "I am sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I meant I would love to play with some of your musicians. Please forgive me for embarrassing you."

By this time she was grinning and said, "Thriller, I am not offended, in fact, I am quite pleased with the attention. Do make your visit soon, okay?"

With that she turned and walked out of the club. I didn't wait too long to visit her club. In fact I went there the next night and sat in with four other guys and gals and played for a couple of hours. For the next two weeks I pretty much split my time between Jarrod's and Bocca, but once Tina and I were an item I went to Jarrod and said, "Old buddy, you know that girl beats boy every time right?" He grinned at me and said, "Rick, I knew you were toast the first time I saw you talking to Tina. You would have to be crazy to not want to be with her. Every guy in town has been after that lady since she opened up here and she comes after you. You are the man. Go and Thriller." Tina and I have been together ever since. 

Well anyway, back to the reception, I don't go much for that fancy shit but she was getting an award and I usually tried to do anything in my power to please her so I agreed to take her. I thought maybe I could stop at a little bar before I had to pick her up and knock back a couple of quick drinks to loosen me up for the night. I had plenty of time so I popped into the Squad Room. It was a laid back place that catered to a wide range of customers. There were guys in suits, ladies in fancy dresses, bikers with their biker babes, a couple of perpetual drunks and a lot of ordinary working class guys and gals. A normal place as far as I was concerned. 

While I was sitting there a little bit of a ruckus was started off to my left and before I knew it there were five or six guys going at it pretty good. I turned on my bar stool and was watching the action when one of the guys was shoved backwards and he plowed into me spilling my beer all over my shirt and pants. I slid backwards and my arm knocked my shot off the bar. I was not steaming but I was a bit pissed off so I gave him a huge shove to get him away from me. With my good luck it was just at that moment that the cops showed up and all of the guys fighting were dragged out of the place and taken downtown. I had the misfortune to be included so I got dragged downtown too. I couldn't believe this shit and was protesting constantly that I wasn't part of the brawl but there was one young cop who had seen me shove the guy and told his sergeant that I was involved.

I was put in a holding cell and told to shut up. Well of course you have already figured out that I sat in that cell overnight and missed my date with Tina. In the morning the cops questioned everyone involved and they all said basically the same thing, "We have no idea who that guy is, as far as we know he was just sitting at the bar." Well they let me out around 1:00 p.m. without any charges being filed which was of course would have been great except I missed my date with Tina and I knew she would be pissed. I figured once I explained what happened everything would be okay. Little did I know what was about to happen.

I took a cab from "the slammer" back to the Squad Room and picked up my car. I drove home and grabbed a bite to eat and hopped into the shower. I dressed in some jeans and sport shirt and sat down in my den and called Tina. I figured I would be getting an ass chewing so I wanted to be comfortable while that happened. I thought after she got it out of her system I would be able to explain what happened and all would be forgiven.

Well I wasn't wrong about the ass chewing. She let me have it with both barrels and a few words that I wasn't sure had been coined yet. When she slowed down I tried to interject my story but she wasn't having any of it. Actually I think I cranked her up a bit higher than she had been at the beginning. There was nothing to do but sit and take it. Then she said something that made the hair on my arms stand up. She said, "Well Rick you weren't the only fish in the sea last night. When you didn't show up when you were supposed to pick me up I called your cell phone and it went to voice mail. I texted you and got no response. I waited an hour and still got no response. I knew you weren't too happy about going to the reception so I knew you were blowing me off. I called my very good friend Perry to see if he was free and he was more than happy to take me to the reception."

She continued, "I was really pissed Rick and it didn't get any better when I arrived at the reception an hour and a half late. I missed out on some of the special events I had been looking forward to. I barely made it there in time to receive my own reward. A few minutes later and I would have even missed out on that too. I bought a killer dress for this reception and had my hair and nails done. I was a knockout and I wanted you to be proud of me. Instead you blew me off you asshole and to be honest with you, Perry was an awesome date and he thought I was a knockout. He drooled over me all night."

This time when she slowed down I started to explain again that it wasn't my fault and I was sorry but she wasn't having any of it. I asked her if I could come over and sit down with her and talk it through and her response was a laugh. "Rick, I won't be here. Perry and I have a date tonight. He is taking me to dinner."

I rushed out and headed for the club Tina owned hoping to get a chance to talk to her face to face. When I arrived at the club, the bartender, a hot little number named Jessica told me that Tina and Perry had already left. Well needless to say I was not a happy man but what could I do.

Because she is a club owner and normally stays up well into the wee hours of the morning I knew Tina would probably sleep until around two in the afternoon the next day. At 3:00 pm I called her again and told her that I would be coming to the club to talk to her. She said to not bother because she had another date with Perry. Well I wasn't going to miss the chance to talk to her this time so I went over early and sure enough I caught her before she left.

When she walked out of her office with this very good friend Perry I started to walk up to her. Perry put his hand on my chest and said, "Hold on there buddy, I am not sure that the lady wants to talk to you. Tina, do you want to talk to him?"

At that moment Tina shook her head "no". I had pretty much had enough so I looked back to Perry and in a calm but steely voice I said, "Pal, I am going to count backwards from 5 and if your hand isn't off my chest when I reach zero you are going to be wearing a cast."

Perry, the dumb shit, decided to put on his macho show for Tina and Jessica so he grinned and held his hand on my chest while I counted. Tina blurted out, "No Rick" when I reached zero. She stopped me in my tracks and finally realizing that I didn't want any more of this trouble (already having spent one night in jail) I simply said, "Perry if you ever touch me again I will break your hand, your arm and maybe even your fucking neck."

With that I turned and walked out the door. Tina called after me, "Rick, I will call you tomorrow."

I replied bluntly, "Good luck with that" as the doors closed behind me.

I stopped at the Squad Room, rapidly becoming my favorite watering hole, and had a couple of drinks then headed home. Around 10:00 pm I decided to go over to Tina's and have a talk. I walked up to her dark home and rang the bell. I had a key but had never used it before and wasn't about to use it now either. No one answered the door so I walked back to my car and parked a little down the street to wait. 

It was midnight when Perry finally brought Tina home. I figured he would drop her off and leave and then I would go back and ring the bell so I could talk to her. Instead, Tina stood up on her toes and gave him what looked to be a pretty intense kiss. Then she invited him in.

I drove home in a daze and immediately started packing up the things that Tina had left at my house. I packed some clothes, night gowns, under things and various toiletries and makeup into a couple of garbage bags. I sat and composed a letter to Tina and then I went to bed. The next morning I was up around 7:00 am and by 11:00 am I had everything in place to move forward with my life.

I drove to Tina's house and dropped the bags off on her front porch and headed out of town. I wasn't sure where I was going but I knew I was headed east. 

Tina

When I woke up around noon I fixed myself a cup of coffee and walked out to the front porch to get the paper and mail. There on my porch were two garbage bags with a note attached to one. I quickly dragged the bags into the house and took the note to my kitchen table to read.

Dear Tina, I know that we have never discussed being exclusive in our dating. I guess that gives you the right to date anyone you choose. I have been exclusive since the first time I saw you three years ago and I thought you were too. I never thought we had to say the word exclusive, I thought we just were. Obviously I was mistaken and your ideas weren't the same as mine on the subject. My mistake. As I said, you can date anyone you choose but I also can feel about that any way I choose. I am now wondering how many other dates you have had. Again, it is your right so I just have to live with it but not like it at all.

I also know that I disappointed you by not being there to take you to the reception. I know it was a special night for you and I never would have ruined it for you on purpose. As I tried to explain it really wasn't what you thought it was. I stopped for a drink at the Squad Room and got arrested for something I didn't do. I was in jail overnight without the opportunity to make any calls. In the morning they finally started to question some of the guys who were involved and every one of them said I had been an innocent bystander. They finally let me out of there around noon and I went home and cleaned up then ate a little lunch and you know the rest. Check it out. You will see I am telling the truth. But, either way you decided to get a different date for the night and in fact ended up with dates three nights in a row. It's funny that in knowing you for three years I have never been introduced to this very good friend Perry. That in itself raises a lot of questions. Who is this Perry and just how can he be a very good friend and I not know him? Are there any other very good friends out there? How many other dates were there? You can't argue that every one of those questions is legitimate.

Anyway, after you refused to talk to me at the club I was very hurt and angry so I went out for a couple of drinks and then went home. Around 10:00 pm I thought you should be home and I wanted so much to come and talk to you about us. When I rang your bell and no one answered I figured I would wait. I really needed to talk to you. I am so much in love with you and what you were doing hurt me a lot. I didn't start out intending to spy on you but by midnight when you actually did get home I was not in very good condition. By then, yes, I guess I was spying on you but I just wanted to talk. I just needed to talk.

Tina, I loved you more than anything or anyone in my life. I thought you loved me as much as I loved you. I guess I was mistaken about that too because I saw you kiss Perry and invite him in after your date. I guess that was another mistake on my part. If you really loved me like I loved you I couldn't see any way you would have invited Perry in. Why did you do this to me? Why did you do this to us?

Anyway, I can tell that I am rambling on so I will just close this letter and tell you that I am leaving to take a small vacation. I figured you might need some of your things while I am gone so I packed them up into these bags and dropped them off for you. I am sorry if I wrinkled any of your clothes.

I hope everything works out for you, Rick

By the time I finished reading the letter I was in a cold sweat and I screamed out, "What in the hell have I done." I immediately grabbed my phone and called Rick. To my surprise I heard a phone ringing in one of the garbage bags but before I got to it I got this message. "This is Rick Miller. I am sorry but I will not be using this phone any longer. If this is an urgent business matter, call my attorney Blake Barden at his offices. He has total power of attorney to handle all of my affairs. If it is an urgent personal matter, call my friend Barry and leave a message." 

I immediately called Barry to see if he could tell me where Rick had gone. I desperately needed to talk to Rick and explain things to him. I couldn't wait another minute to set things straight with him. I did love him as much as he loved me. 

When I got Barry I explained that Rick had left for a small vacation. His immediate reaction was, "Aw shit" then he told me he was at work and couldn't talk but I should go over and talk to Shelly his wife. She was apparently home and he said he would call her and let her know that I was on my way over there. 

When she answered the door the first words out of Shelly's mouth were, "Tina, what in the hell did you do?"

That had me in shock instantly and I started to cry. Shelly put her arms around me and said, "Please Tina, come in and tell me what this is all about."

I gave her Rick's letter and she took a couple of minutes to read it through. She yelled out, "Son of A Bitch" in frustration. The same reaction out of both of them had me very worried.

"Tina," Shelly started, "There are a few things you need to know before we go any further. As you know after Rick got out of the army he met and married a woman by the name of Amy. He was in college at the time and one day came home early from a class to find Amy fucking another guy. He let her know that he was there and what he had seen but he then turned and walked out of the apartment and out of her life. He left her a note that he is taking 'a small vacation'.

"Rick immediately dropped out of school and requested to go back on active duty and went to Iraq for two consecutive tours of duty. His 'small vacation' turned out to be for two years. No one knew where he went for the entire two years. Not a word to anyone in two years Tina. When Rick finally came home we found out where he had been and what had happened. He came home with a silver star and two purple hearts. The injuries he sustained qualified him for the second Purple Heart and were such that the Army no longer felt that he should be on active duty. Actually, they released him only after extensive counseling because they suspected that he had no regard for his own life. They felt he took chances because he really didn't care if he lived or died. They just didn't want him putting himself and others at risk any longer. He has fully recovered physically of course but the scars on his body still are there as you know. He has also gotten a good grip on his life and there is no longer any fear that he doesn't want to live. Just like the scars are still on his body though, the scars on his heart from what Amy did are still there too.

"After he got back from Iraq and had recovered from his injuries he met Angela. Needless to say he was very hesitant to get into another relationship and it took a long time before he was willing to trust his heart to another woman but in time he did. It took two years but he finally decided to ask her to marry him. She said yes.

"One day Rick had a meeting with his broker to go over some of his investment information. They decide to go out for drinks after their meeting and the bar they went to had some tables and more private booths. While they were sitting at the bar Rick could see reflections in the mirror behind the bar and he saw someone who looked familiar so he turned around in his seat and there was Angela snuggled up to a guy in one of the back booths. They were kissing and Rick could see the guy's hands fondling her breasts. He could only imagine what might have been happening below the table. He called out to her 'Hey Angela' and when she looked over at him he waved to her. He could see the shocked look on her face and heard her scream out his name as he walked out of the bar. After that he left a voice mail for her on her home phone that he was taking 'a small vacation'. Rick left and didn't return for three years that time. Just like when he left Amy, no one knew where he went or what was going on. Angela left scars on his heart on top of the scars Amy had caused.

"Rick finally came home and we discovered he had made a mark in the music world as a jazz sax player. He always was an awesome sax player but that was locally. We never had a clue he could make it big other places, but he did. The whole time he was away he was playing in jazz clubs using the name, "Rick Thriller". We should have figured that out sooner because in high school he was known as "Rick the Thriller Miller" because he was one exciting guy. Everything he did he did well. When he finally did come home he continued to play in local clubs as you know under that same name.

"So, now you know the background and you can see how bad this is. Damn it Tina, I am sure this is killing Rick and it is also going to kill Barry. He is Rick's best friend and almost went crazy when he didn't know where Rick was during the two times he was gone. He missed him like you would miss a brother and his heart was partly empty too. I love Rick too and missed him a lot. It made our lives less complete to not have him here and now he has gone off on another small vacation as he puts it. I just don't know what we will do Tina and I sure don't understand why you did what you did. Like Rick, I thought you loved him."




Ruined - A Relationship in Ruin



By this time of course I was inconsolable. I was sobbing and tears were streaming down my face. In a whisper I said, "I do love him Shelly. I was angry when he missed taking me to the reception so I did call my friend Perry to take me. Then because he had dropped everything to take me to my reception I agreed to a dinner date. Nothing happened on either of those two dates. I didn't even give him a goodnight kiss either time. I enjoyed Perry's company but I would have preferred to have been with Rick.

"Then Rick tried to tell me he was innocent and I was still angry enough to not believe him. I told him I had another date with Perry even though I had made no plans. After I told Rick that I called Perry to see if he would like another date. I really wanted to hurt him and make him jealous. I wanted him to pay for how he had treated me. When Perry took me home I saw Rick's car parked down the street from my house so I told Perry to drive around for a while. In fact we went back to the Bocca Club and had a couple of drinks before he took me home again. 

"When we got there Rick was still sitting in his car and I got mad all over again. What right did he have to spy on me? So, when Perry walked me to the door I kissed him and invited him in. I was really trying to stick it in Rick's face at that point. If he had hung around five minutes longer he would have seen Perry walk out to his car and drive away. 

"Shelly, I do love Rick and I have never cheated on him and never will. I was exclusive with him and never wanted to date anyone else. I know I was angry and wanted to hurt him so that is why I did what I did. It makes me so mad at myself I could scream, but I do love him. I had no idea that my Rick was so scarred by women. I never in my wildest dreams felt like this would be so hurtful to him that I would lose him. Oh God Shelly, what am I going to do?" 

"I hate to say it Tina," Shelly said, "But, there isn't a damn thing you can do. I can tell you that I believe with all my heart that Rick is gone for a while. I don't have a clue how long that will be, but it could be for a long time but hopefully it is only for a short time. It just makes me sick to know that Rick is hurting again and is all by himself with no friends to talk to about this. And I know it will kill Barry but that is the way it is. Since Amy hurt him so Rick is just so fragile. All I can say is to stick it out if you love him as much as you say you do. I know he loves you and maybe he will come back soon or at least sooner than last time and fight for you. I just don't know.

"Whatever you do though, no more dates and no impropriety at all. If he did come back soon and saw that it would certainly be the end of any hope you might have."

"Oh believe me Shelly," said Tina, "I will not date another man. I don't care if it takes him three years to come back. I will wait for him. If he does contact you or Barry please give him this exact message from me, please! 'I am so sorry I hurt you. I love you with all my heart and I am waiting for you to come back to me'."

Rick

I didn't have an exact plan on what I was going to do as I drove east out of Kansas City. I only knew that I had to be gone from there and from Tina just like I had to be gone from Amy and Angela. I knew I had to wrap my head around what had happened and try to get over it. I couldn't believe that all the women I had loved in my life had driven me away with their actions. 

Don't get the wrong impression about me. I am not a wimp or a runner but I know that for my entire life I have had to have the time to get my perspectives straightened out and this was the way I did it. I just knew that with the pain I had in my heart at the moment I would only be able to get straightened out if I was totally removed from the situation. 

When I got to St. Louis I was pretty hungry. I stopped to fill up my gas tank and asked around about the hottest jazz clubs in town that also served food. I was given some pretty good tips and ended up at one of the clubs recommended to me with the best food. I sat and ate then chilled out for a while at the bar. While sitting there I chatted with the bartender and found out about the local jazz scene in town. I told him that I enjoyed jamming with local groups whenever I could and he asked me how much I had played. I said I had played since my grade school days but more seriously in the last six or so years. 

I happened to mention that I had done some playing in New Orleans and was welcomed to jam with a number of groups down there. He asked my name and I gave him my Rick Thriller name. A big smile spread across his face when I said that and he waved over a gentleman who had been sitting at the end of the bar.

He said, "Donald Jackson, meet Rick Thriller. Rick, this is Donald Jackson, the owner of this club."

I extended my hand and said, "Pleased to meet you Mr. Jackson."

A huge smile spread across his face and he pumped my hand vigorously and said, "The pleasure is mine Thriller and please call me Don."

With a chuckle he said, "You know the old saying about shit floating downstream right? Well in this case talent has floated upstream. Rick, your reputation as an excellent jazz musician has preceded you. On occasion musicians have come to play with us from the Big Easy and your name has been bantered around a few times. I am honored to finally meet you.

"Are you in town for long? If you are here for a while we would love for you to join in for a session or so. I know we would all like to hear if your reputation is real or if it has been embellished. We have a group of guys who are going to start playing in about an hour. Would you like to join them?"

I agreed to sit in for one set but after that I would need to leave and find a place to stay. Ironically, one of the musicians was Bob Knottingly. Bob and I had played together a few times in New Orleans and knew each other quite well. The set went great and I really felt good about it. 

After we went on break Bob pulled me aside and asked, "Rick, I have to talk to you about this. I can't help but note that there is a great sadness in the way you are playing now. I knew you the whole time you played in New Orleans and I know you started out with the same sadness there and by the time you left that had disappeared. 

"Has something happened to you again? What has brought you back out on the road Rick?"

I couldn't help it but with those words I got quite emotional. "Yes Bob," I said, "I am afraid I have the same problem I had last time. Women problems."

I smiled at him and he said in a very serious voice, "Rick, I am here for you if you need to talk but I know you are going to put this all together and I know you will come out okay. And by the way, your jazzy/bluesy rendition of "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" made every person in the room tear up. It was awesome."

I told him that I played that music because it spoke so closely to how I felt over Tina's actions and what I was feeling. I also played it because I wanted to pay tribute to Whitney Houston. I told him I thought that Whitney was a monumental talent and I hoped everyone would remember her for that and not some of the tragic mistakes she had made in her life. I hoped that she would be remembered as one of the top musical talents of all time. 

He slapped me on the back and said, "Well Rick, you playing that music will certainly help that idea along. I have to go Rick; I need to get back to work. You be sure to come back and join us whenever you want. And don't forget, I am here for you if you need to talk about anything."

I ended up finding a place in an Extended Stay hotel and booked it for one month. I played often with Bob at Don's club but also found a couple of other places that I enjoyed playing with the guys and gals. At one club there was a singer, Ruby, who approached me to see if I would allow her to sing along when I played "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" and I said I guessed it would be okay.

I would play and at the appropriate time she would join in with:

Where do broken hearts go?  Can they find their way home?  Back to the open arms Of a love that's waiting there

And if somebody loves you Won't they always love you?  I look in your eyes And I know that you still care for me

To say we were a hit was an understatement. Every time we were together at a club there would be an overwhelming request for us to do that number and when we finished there wouldn't be a dry eye in the place. Ruby and I played together often and at several different clubs. I loved it but at the same time it hurt me every time we performed because it hit so close to home with my situation. 

One day Bob casually said to me, "Hey Thriller, I have been invited to play with the Louis Hayes Jazz Communicators at the Detroit Jazz Festival this year. I am sure they would be thrilled to have you perform with them since you are the Thriller. Why don't we head north to Chicago and find a few places to play for a week or two and then head over to Detroit for the festival? If Louis Hayes doesn't want you I am sure there are others who would jump at the chance for Rick Thriller to play.

"And by the way, in case you haven't noticed Ruby and I have become a couple and she is going along with me so you two can continue to do your specialty."

Well that cinched it and off to Chicago we went. We spent two weeks hitting several of the clubs and then went to Detroit for the festival for a week. Ruby and Bob headed back to St. Louis after the festival but I decided to stick around Detroit for a while. I found three different clubs that I loved to play in and over a three week period I was able to totally get my head around my troubled love life. 

I realized during the time I spent with Bob and Ruby that they had something special and I knew that even though I had had three rough relationships I needed someone to love and to love me. I missed my home and I missed my friends so I decided to go back to Kansas City and start living my life again.

I had been back in Kansas City for about a week and had played three or four times at Jarrod's. A few locals had come up to me and welcomed me back and it was nice to have been missed.

One night this hot lady walks into the club and moves to a table front and center to the stage. She sat there watching me for the whole set and when I played Where Do Broken Hearts Go she had tears streaming down her face. She came up to me after the set and said, "Hey Thriller, I'm Christina Bocca from the Bocca Club. My friends call me Tina so Thriller since I want to be your friend why don't you call me Tina." With that a huge smile crossed her face. 

She continued, "Thriller, why don't you drop over to the Bocca Club some night and thrill some of my customers? I love your playing and know my customers will love you too." 

I knew the time would come when we would see each other but I hadn't expected it to be like this and I was a bit unsettled. My only response was, "I will have to think about it Christina."

I saw her flinch when I didn't call her Tina and a deeper sadness spread across her face. She turned to leave but turned back briefly and said, "Rick I hope you come over to the Bocca Club but if you don't I won't bother you anymore. I just want you to know how very sorry I am that I hurt you and I want you to know that I really do love you."

This time she did turn and hurry out of Jarrod's. No one talked to me as I packed up my sax and left the club. Now I had to decide what to do.

A few nights later I walked into the Bocca Club with my instrument. When Tina saw me come in I could see that she was happy and sad at the same time. I could see tears starting to form in her eyes and frankly it melted my heart. I had talked to my friend Shelly and she had told me of her talk with Tina. I knew that Tina had treated me badly but at the same time I also believed that she had not been intimate with Perry. I loved her and I knew she loved me. We would have to deal with the feelings we both had but I felt we were meant to be together.

I walked over to Tina and said, "Christina, I don't want to be just your friend. Would it be okay if your husband called you Tina too? Will you marry me?"

She jumped into my arms and said, "Oh yes Rick, I will marry you and please call me Tina for the rest of our lives."

We did get married but not before we spent some time in counseling. I won't go into all the details of how some shrink straightened us out but for a brief summary. 

We realize that she needed to trust me that I would not hurt her. She had jumped to a conclusion and lashed out. She had not been willing to listen to me and give me the benefit of the doubt and of course she had intentionally done a couple of things to stick it in my face as she said. I doubt that she will do any of those things in the future.

I on the other hand had also jumped to a conclusion and bolted from the relationship without giving her a chance to explain too. It was apparent that the hurts I had sustained in my previous two relationships had not been thoroughly resolved and that I needed to continue with some counseling. I also learned that I needed to sit down and discuss my issues instead of running from them.

All in all it was successful counseling and we both came away with a more balanced way to deal with problems. We both look forward to a happy and eventful marriage.

I still play a Whitney Houston song at the Bocca Club but now I don't play Where Do Broken Hearts Go, I play I Will Always Love You. It is another wonderful song performed by Whitney and of course written by the talented Dolly Parton who by the way has one of my all time favorite quotes, "It costs a lot of money to look this cheap".

*

Thanks for reading my story.