3 comments/  23218 views/  18 favorites

Love Free or Die

By: komrad1156



Chapter 1

"You better get goin'. You've got your appointment in twenty minutes," Kelli told him.

"Yeah. You're right. I'll give the driver a call," Kirk said absent-mindedly.

"Your own driver. Have you gotten used to that yet? I mean, what's that like, Kirk?" his older sister asked.

Kirk was already on the phone giving instructions to be downstairs waiting for him in two minutes. He ended the call then gazed out the huge picture window overlooking Puget Sound from his new home in Gig Harbor. "Unsettling," Kirk replied.

"How so?" Kelli inquired. "How can having $15 million left over after buying a $7 million house be 'unsettling' if you don't mind me asking?"


Kirk noticed the limo pull into the large semi-circle driveway and headed for the door. "It's just...I don't know, really. I mean, other than you, I'm not sure whom I trust. It's hard to know who's really interested in me for—me—and who's interested in me for $15 million other reasons. After losing Anne, I also wonder if any woman will ever love me like that again." 

Kirk was turning to leave when Kelli said, "Hey, listen. You'll find someone else. There's another woman as loving and giving as Anne was. All you have to do is not give up and just keep looking. Stay on those dating web sites and don't quit. You'll find her. I promise."

Kirk didn't respond. He loved his sister who'd grown up to be his best friend outside of his late wife, but he'd been looking on those match kind of sites for six months and not one woman appealed to him. Since Anne passed away 18 months ago from a very aggressive form of breast cancer that had taken her life in just three months from diagnosis, Kelli had been by his side every step of the way. Both of their parents were now gone, and while they'd always been close, this last year and a half had brought them to a whole new level in their relationship. He was truly grateful to have someone like her in his life but she was a sibling and what he wanted more than anything was to love again like he'd loved with Anne. That was the motivation behind buying the home he now lived in. It was too big for just one person and as much as he loved having Kelli around, his real hope was to find someone to share it with. 

Kirk trusted Kelli explicitly and implicitly and she him. So when one of the three lottery tickets he'd bought on a whim turned out to a winner to the tune of nearly $50 million in pre-tax dollars, he never once questioned Kelli's motives or intentions. Anne's medical bills had left him in deeply in debt and her loss left him unable to work. The sale of his accounting firm allowed him to pay off all of his debts and keep paying the monthly bills. If he was careful, it just might last him the rest of his life, but it definitely wasn't enough to support a wife on. But at that time, getting married again was the last thing on his mind. Anne had been everything to him and the thought of even dating someone else made him sick to his stomach. It was a full year before he could even consider dating again.

Kelli had gotten by on the money she made working as receptionist in a doctor's office while she lived alone in a crappy little apartment on Queen Ann Hill. His sister had finally gotten the nerve to end her seven-year marriage to the abusive, alcoholic SOB her ex-husband had become. That was the good news. The bad news was that she was living by herself in a dicey neighborhood and in near poverty. In a word, they needed each other even though both of them knew they wanted to love again and eventually even get re-married. In the meantime, it just made sense for her to live with Kirk. 

It was equally important to her that she keep working and earn her own money even though she knew she had a limitless safety net in the form of Kirk's winnings. But one thing she would never do was ask him for money. Not one dime. Then again, she didn't need to ask as Kirk was always paying for anything and everything she even mentioned. Because of that, she's long ago stopped saying anything at all about things that even interested her let alone something she might actually need. She liked her job and she enjoyed helping the staff Kirk employed take care of this beautiful, two-story, 6,000 sqft house where she had two rooms to herself along with her own private bathroom. Still, it wasn't her home. 

She was sure her baby brother would find love again even if he wasn't. Of course, at 51, he wasn't much of a baby any more but that didn't matter to her. He'd always be her baby brother. Granted, he didn't look anything like a baby, either, thanks to his six-day-a-week workout routine, square jaw, thick, black hair and hard body. It was the one constant in his life and it had helped him keep his sanity throughout Anne's illness and her passing. Kirk never missed a workout. He lifted weights every other day and either ran 3-5 miles or rode a bike 15-25 miles on alternate days. On Fridays, he took the day off and "only" mowed the one-acre lawn at his enormous new home. His dark hair still had no trace of gray but no matter how well he took care of himself, he didn't look 30 anymore. Nonetheless, he was still (by anyone's definition), a very good-looking man. Kelli was sure there had been many offers to fool around over the years, but Kirk was blind when it came to other women. Anne was his be-all, end-all and the two of them spent every spare minute together. Anne wasn't able to have children even though the couple had planned to have one or two, and that caused them to lean on each other even more. She'd never seen two people so much in love for so many years. And now she was gone from his life forever. Why couldn't her ex have been the one to suffer and die from cancer the way Anne had? He was an abusive bastard and that would have been fine with Kelli. But no, it was Anne who suffered so much and who died so young. She was just 48 when cancer ended her life. The only thing she could think of to help her make sense of it was "shit happens." Sometimes, that was the only explanation for things which made no sense and Anne dying like that made no sense whatsoever. 

Kirk arrived a few minutes early and headed upstairs to his therapist's office. He hated the sound of that. Who saw a therapist, for Christ's sake? "No one in their right mind," he joked to himself. He stepped off the elevator and immediately saw Sarah Thomas, who was Dr. Keith Dennison's receptionist. She was an attractive young brunette with a pretty smile and well, frankly...a great set of tits. She was the highlight of these twice-weekly visits which hadn't done a damn thing for him in the six weeks he'd been going there.

She was on the phone when he walked in, but she still managed to make eye contact with him and smiled when they did. Kirk still wasn't used to having this kind of wealth and even though the media attention had died out several months ago, he still couldn't help but think that "everybody" knew. That thought, in turn, made him wonder whether or not the way he was treated was sincere or phony behavior to get on his good side. His green side.

"Hi, Kirk! You're right on time," Sarah said as he approached the desk. "Don't you look nice today!" she said cheerfully as she checked him in.

Kirk fought off the all-too-familiar feelings of mistrust, smiled back, and said, "Well, thank you, Sarah but it's you who's looking nice—as always." When Sarah blushed slightly, Kirk didn't know what to say—or do. He just stepped back from the check-in desk and looked around for an empty seat. Before he could even sit down however, Dr. Dennison's door opened and he called out, "Kirk! Come on in!"

They met at the threshold of his office where the good doctor extended his hand. "It's good to see you. Come on in," said Dr. Dennison who closed the door behind them. "Go ahead and take a seat and let's get started."

Kirk sat down in a rich-looking leather chair as his therapist made his way back around his desk to pick up Kirk's file. He flipped through a few pages then said, "Okay. So this is your 13th session, Kirk. I felt like we were really close to a breakthrough last week but for some reason you stopped talking when I asked a particular question and my guess is there was something about it that caused you to decide not to come back again." The doctor paused then asked, "Do you remember what that question was, Kirk?"

"I do," Kirk told him without offering any explanation.

"Care to share any thoughts about it? Maybe what it was about the question that made you stop talking after such a productive session prior to that?"

Kirk hesitated then said, "I think you know why, Keith."

"I'm not sure I do, Kirk. And even if I did know, I'd prefer you talk about those concerns rather than leave me to make assumptions. What is it about me asking you exactly what you're looking for in another woman that causes you so much consternation? I mean, you finally answered the question and in very explicit detail from body type to hair color and style to the kind of clothes you'd like her to wear. But what was so unsettling about that?"

Kirk just sat there staring at the man across the room from him. He looked down for a moment and then out the second-story window at the marina near the building. Finally, he turned back toward the doctor and said, "It's because I want Anne. And I can't have her. I want Anne or a woman exactly like Anne. Since that's not possible, what more is there to say? What difference does it make that I prefer brunettes to blondes or that I like sweaters better than blouses? How does knowing I want a woman whose completely committed to doing things for me like Anne was help me find her? She was just SO willing to wear her hair the way I liked and dress the way I liked. She was also just so...giving...in bed. It was all a part of the give and take we enjoyed doing for each other that made our love so unique. So special. So whatever you need that information for, no woman will ever be Anne." Kirk was staring out the window then turned back toward Dr. Dennison, "What the hell good is knowing that kind of information anyway, Keith? Are you running a dating service here now or what?"

Dr. Dennison moved around his desk and sat directly across from Kirk. He looked his patient directly in the eye and said, "Kirk. I know you wanted to terminate your treatment and based on what you told me in our last session, I called you to come back for one last visit. I've decided to offer you a radical new alternative. I want to suggest a very new, very intense form of therapy to you. It's still being tested and evaluated by the medical profession, but it's been incredibly successful. Well, based on the very small sample size, that is. We've done this for a total of twenty people and eighteen of them have reported total and complete satisfaction with the program. The other two were utterly dissatisfied with it. I know money's not an issue for you, but I need to tell you it's very expensive, not covered by any insurance, and it requires a significant investment of time. Are you interested?"

"What do you by 'complete satisfaction' with the results?"

Dr. Dennison explained. "One of the aspects of the program is not divulging much information about how it works. That's a clear downside and I'm being completely upfront about that. I can tell you it's called 'coercive intimacy therapy' and it involves being paired with one other patient selected by a panel of therapists and the sponsors of the program. The two of you undergo the therapy together but neither of you knows anything about the other. Unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to disclose anything else to include the location."

"Is the coercion part of this program painful? Are you doing therapy in a dungeon or something?" Kirk asked the question jokingly but he really did wonder if there might be some kind of shock therapy or who-knows-what kind of methods being used.

Dr. Dennison laughed. "No, not at all. It's done in the privacy of a laboratory which is, for all intents and purposes, designed to look exactly like a very upscale home with every amenity available to the patients. Also, there's no therapist directly involved throughout the process. The patients learn from one another during the process with very minimal, indirect input from the program's observers/sponsors."

"I don't care about the money. How much time is involved?"

"Between three to six weeks. That all depends on the amount of effort made by the patients. It's a very intense program and it requires total commitment. Frankly, we only offer it when we find a patient who meets all of the numerous prerequisites and the board determined this week that you're ideally suited for this approach as is the person you'll be paired with."

"So in exchange for this 'investment' as you call it, I have the opportunity to find the happiness I'm looking for. Is that what you're telling me?"

"I am. We make no guarantees, of course. As I said, we have had two failures. I should note they were no worse off than before they began the program, but they made no improvement whatsoever. All of the other patients however, are now in committed relationships and four of them have gotten married. For the record, we work with both gay and straight patients. That's probably not important to you, but it is one detail I'm allowed to share. So this isn't a guarantee, Kirk. It's an opportunity. But based on what I now know about you and after the board's review, I strongly suggest you consider it. I understand money isn't an issue, but you should know you'd be paying not only for your therapy but for the other patient's, as well. The price tag is a total of $250,000 which pays for the facility and for around-the-clock monitoring."

Kirk was skeptical but interested. "So what's really going on in this therapy, doc? Are you cloning people? Do you have Anne's DNA or something? How is bunking with someone supposed to help me find the new love of my life? You've gotta give me something more to go on here."

Another chuckle. "No cloning, Kirk. Not even close. It's a method used to strongly urges changes in behavior which in turn reshapes thinking and in the end produces the results the patients say they most want. Sorry, but that's the best I can do."

Kirk sat up then leaned forward. "I've been lost and alone since Anne died, Keith. I'm willing to do damn near anything to be happy again but because of the lottery, I have a lot of trouble trusting people. I've trusted you, Keith. Tell me the truth. Is this legit or is it a way for these 'sponsors' to line their pockets with other people's money? Is The other person aware of my newly acquired wealth? Here's my bottom line question: would YOU do this if you were me?"

Dr. Dennison didn't hesitate in answering, "Unequivocally, yes. I would do this in a heartbeat were I in your situation. Listen, Kirk. Not even I know all of the details but I can assure you the other person knows absolutely nothing about you. I just know that this thing seems to work most of the time. It'll cost you some time but if it's successful..."

Kirk held up his hand signaling he'd heard enough. "Then sign me up. When do I start?"

"Today. I just need you to sign the release paperwork. You can have it reviewed by your legal team if you like, but we need to start as soon as possible."

"Why is that? What's the big hurry?"

"The urgency in your case is in that we've found another patient we are certain will be an ideal match for you. That person has already agreed and is waiting for your arrival."

"I need to let my sister know where I'm going and what I'll be doing and I'll send a copy to my attorney while I'm letting Kel know what I'm doing."

"You're welcome to call her but no one outside of the sponsors knows the location of where you're going and no contact is permitted during the entire session."

Kirk thought about Kelli being all alone for that length of time and it didn't set well with him but he also knew her well enough that she'd be completely supportive of anything that might bring him the happiness he so desperately sought. She had a general power of attorney and would be able to take care of the home and his investments so that wasn't a real concern.

"Okay. I'm in."

Kelli expressed her concerns but as expected, she was completely supportive and wished him well. Kirk signed the paperwork and was later led downstairs to a waiting limousine that wasn't his own. He was unable to hear or see anything but he was aware of being in transit for about four hours. The vehicle came to a stop and he heard a female voice over the car's intercom say, "Travel itinerary complete. Please take the medication provided." At that moment, a tray opened up and there was a small, white pill and a glass of water. Kirk took the pill, looked at it briefly, then told himself, "In for a penny—er, quarter million—in for a pound." He swallowed, set the glass back in the inset and almost immediately, he began to felt extremely tired.

When Kirk awoke, his head was pounding with a headache unlike he'd ever had before. It reminded him of the morning after a party he'd gone to after graduating from college. He'd gotten absolutely shit-faced and woke up in a room he didn't recognize with a head that hurt almost as bad as it his did right now. "Jesus! Where in the world am I? And how the hell did I get here?" he asked himself. He willed himself to sit up even as his head felt like it would explode from the pain. He tried to focus his eyes, but everything was bleary and the room seemed to be swimming. Finally, he was able to make out a door that led out of what was most definitely a bedroom. As he slid off the king-sized bed, he heard a sound behind him that almost sounded like someone breathing deeply. He forced himself to stand up and turn around as he fought through the searing pain in his head and the urge to vomit.

As he turned around it took his brain a moment to register what he was seeing. Lying on the bed was a young woman who seemed to be around 30. She was laying face down but he noticed she had long dark hair and what seemed to be a very athletic body. She was wearing a white camisole and a pair of white silk tap pants. As strong as his confusion was as to this location and the identity of this woman, his thirst was even stronger. He couldn't ever remember being this thirsty in his life. He needed a large glass of water and then he could worry about the woman in the bed and this ungodly pounding in his head.

He shuffled slowly out of the bedroom into what appeared to be a very large, very well-furnished living area which in turn led into a beautiful state-of-the-art kitchen. He managed to focus his eyes enough to see the sink and its beautiful nickel-finished faucet. He opened two of the large cabinets before he found a glass which he grabbed and held under the faucet as he flipped the handle on the cold side. Nothing came out. 
"What the f..." he muttered. He tried again. Still nothing. Then the hot side. No water there, either. He looked over at the stainless steel refrigerator and saw the ice and water dispenser and said to himself, "Hell, yeah." He place the glass under the spout and pushed the plastic piece in but again, no water came out.

Just then he heard a scratchy female voice behind him say, "Who the fuck are you and where the hell am I?" 

Kirk turned around and saw the young woman. She looked dazed—and afraid. His head was pounding furiously as he tried to take in as much as he could about her. She was wearing no makeup but she was obviously very pretty in spite of her hair being all matted down from sleeping on it. Kirk tried to speak and heard his voice crack and falter as he managed to say, "I don't know where we are." His throat hurt and it was bone dry. "Listen. Don't worry. I won't hurt you, okay? I'm looking for answers, too. And...water."


Love Free or Die



"My head is about to fucking explode so hurry up and find the goddamned water, okay?" she hissed.

"It's nice to meet you, too," Kirk said under his breath. 

Just then, he heard what sounded like a familiar "ding." It reminded him of the sound his phone made when he received a text message. There was a short pause followed by the sound of a woman's voice. The voice said, "Rewards must be earned. All rewards come in the form of the relief from suffering. To earn a reward both participants must behave appropriately."

"Who the fuck is that?" the young woman demanded.

Before Kirk could answer the voice said, "If will repeat the rules in 10 seconds."

"I don't know who you are but you get me the FUCK out of here right now!" the girl screamed. The voice then repeated all three rules.

Kirk's head was still pounding but he was beginning to be able to think. "Let's try a different approach," he said to her.

"I don't give a fuck what you do," she said. "I just want the hell out of here right fucking NOW!"

Kirk approached and put his finger over his mouth as if to tell her "shhh." He said loudly enough to be heard, "Miss? May I get you a glass of water?" As soon as he finished speaking, he heard the water from the tap running. He bolted for the sink and managed to get nearly a full glass of the precious liquid before it shut off as mysteriously as it had turned on.

Kirk took a long drink and his body demanded he drain the glass, but something told him to offer the rest to the girl. "Here. Drink this," he said holding out the glass toward her.

She took it and drained the glass before setting it on the island in the middle of the kitchen. "Get me another glass," she demanded.

Kirk picked the glass back up but there was once again no water. As he swiveled the faucet handles a second time there was another "ding" followed by the voice, "The human body can go approximately 96 hours without water and typically for about three weeks without food." That was followed by a recitation of the three rules. 

Rewards must be earned. Kirk was beginning to understand. At least he thought he was beginning to understand.

He turned toward the girl and asked her, "Where were you before you came here?"

"I don't fucking know!" she said caustically. "Why don't you shut the fuck up and figure out how to get us out of here? How about that?"

"Look. I'm as confused as you are. But I have an idea. I just need to know where you were. What's the last thing you remember before waking up in that bed?"

The girl ran her hand through her messy hair and said, "I feel like shit. All I asked for was a glass of water? Can't you do anything? Are you totally fucking worthless like every other guy or can you manage to fill a glass with water?" She slid past Kirk with a loud heave of disgust and tried both taps herself. "What the fuck did you do to the sink? It was working when you came over here!" 

She turned and looked directly at him. "Did you kidnap me, you sick fuck? Is this your idea of a good time? I don't know who you are or what you want, but I'm not playing along. Fuck you and fuck this! I want fucking out of here right goddamned NOW. Do you fucking HEAR me?!?!"

The ding was heard again followed by the voice and the rules.

Kirk ran his hand through his thick, black hair. "No. I didn't kidnap you. I didn't bring you here. I have no idea where 'here' even is. But I do have an idea and it would help if you'd just answer my question. Where were you last?"

"I was at my shrink's office in Bellevue. She was talking about some new kind of...therapy or something. She told me it was incredibly expensive but that they'd found someone who would pay for it IF I was a suitable candidate. I had to sign a release form and agree to be hypnotized. That, in turn, would tell her whether or not I was a suitable candidate. We'd used hypno-therapy before, so I agreed to it. When we finished, she sent the results into some kind of review board which determined I was a perfect fit for the new program. That's all I remember. I swear. Okay? Is that good enough for you, asshole?"

Just the one small drink of water was helping. Kirk's head still throbbed but he was coming to his senses. "Thank you, he said. So did your therapist ask you what you most want in life at any point?"

The look in the young woman's eyes was one of genuine surprise. "How did you know that?" she asked quietly. She began stepping away from Kirk and as she did she began feeling behind her. "I asked you how you knew that! Answer me!" Her eyes looked wild with fear. "You're in on this. You were watching me. You know all of this and then you lured me here! You're going to rape me! Or...kill me!" Just then she began ripping open drawers until she found a large knife which she held in front of her. "Don't touch me! I swear I'll fucking kill you! You hear me? I mean it. Stay AWAY from me!"

Kirk stood there quietly watching her. Her eyes were wild with fear and she was brandishing the knife in a way that made her look silly if not pathetic. His head hurt too much to laugh even though the spectacle made him want to. "I'm not going to hurt you so please, please put down the knife. I think I know why we're here and if I'm right this is going to take all of the cooperation we can muster to get through it. So please. Will you put down the knife?"

Her hands were shaking as Kirk walked toward her. "I said stay away from me! I'll cut you with this! I'll cut your fucking balls off if you come one step closer!" she screamed as he very slowly inched his way forward.

"No you won't," he said calmly. "You won't because you want to be happy—just like me. And we can both do that but you're going to have to put the knife down first." The tip of the blade was just inches away from his body but Kirk could tell she had no intention of using it. He reached out and took the hilt in his hand and gently lifted it away from her. As he did, she began to cry. He sat the knife down and held out his arms beckoning her to come to him. She literally fell into his embrace and began sobbing like a little girl. "It's okay," Kirk said to her. He stroked her hair and told her everything would be okay.

At that very moment, they heard the same sound and pushed one another away to see if what they'd heard was real. It was the sound of running water. This time Kirk was able to get a full glass before it stopped. He handed it to the girl saying, "Here. Ladies first. And my name is Kirk, by the way."

She took the glass then said quietly, "I'm Erin." She drank nearly the entire glass before realizing there was no more water. "Oh. I'm sorry. Here." She handed Kirk the rest of the glass then added, "Thank you...Kirk."

"You're welcome." The tap flowed briefly again just long enough for Kirk to get what would have been his half of the glass. He was dying of thirst but offered it to Erin anyway.

She initially took the glass then handed it back and said, "No. That's for you. I think I'm starting to catch on here. Finish your water then tell me your theory about all this, okay? And...and...I don't do 'sorry' very well but well...I'm sorry I went off on you like that." 

As Erin finished speaking, they heard a quiet humming sound. Next to the sink there were two stainless steel panels which were in the process of raising up. She and Kirk moved toward them and sitting inside of each was a glass of milk and two small, white tablets. Kirk took two of them out and examined them. Each had the word "Bayer" imprinted on it. "Aspirin," he said. "And milk to coat the lining of our stomachs." He handed them to Erin and one of the glasses of milk then grabbed the other glass and pills for himself. "To a successful session of therapy," he said.

Erin looked puzzled and Kirk said, "I'll explain later. This will help with the headache. So for now, drink up, okay?" They clinked glasses and downed the pain medication and every drop of the liquid. 

For the first time, Erin smiled. It was only a partial smile, but Kirk couldn't help but notice her perfect teeth and soft, full lips. And the long, dark hair. And the fact that she was about 5' 5" and 105 pounds. She wasn't Anne but she was...ideal.

Chapter 2

"So why are we here?" Erin asked.

"Before we talk, let's look around and see what's in the house. Can you check the bedrooms while I look around the kitchen?" Kirk suggested.

"Okay. Sure. Be right back." 

Before she could leave, they heard the hum of the steel doors lifting up again. This time, there was half a sandwich and another glass of milk. As they ate, the now-familiar ding sounded followed again by the rules. 

This time Kirk smiled. "I guess the rule of thumb around here is 'cooperate and graduate.'" Erin smiled back as they finished off the few bites of food before beginning their recon of the house.

In a couple of minutes Erin returned and said, "So what did you find in the kitchen?"

"Nothing," Kirk said. "This all seems to be window dressing. You know, stuff that you'd find in an nice home but there's no food or water anywhere. Apparently, that has to be given to us which means it must have to be 'earned.' How about you? What did you find?"

"Clothes. An entire closet full of everything a girl could want from dresses to blue jeans, from heels to tennis shoes, from purses to makeup and jewelry. This is a rich girl's dream. And on the other side of the room is everything a guy could ever wear from tee shirts to tuxedoes."

"Interesting," Kirk mused. "What do you mean by 'a rich girl's' dream if you don't mind me asking?"

"Normally, I'd tell you to go fuck off but that seems to be frowned upon in this establishment so... I'll just say it like this. I'm not into 'stuff.' I don't need nice clothes. I'm a free spirit and I don't like the feeling of being controlled and wearing beautiful clothes is a form of control." Erin paused before adding, "In case you haven't figured it out yet, I don't trust men much, okay? Truth be told, I don't really much care for them lately. They're all a bunch of pigs who only want what they want and when they get it they either leave or they cheat on you. So does that answer your question?"

"You swear—a lot. Has anyone every told you that, Erin?" She didn't respond. "It was honest so that's a good start, I suppose. It helps because if my theory is right, we need to know as much about one another as possible."

"Why? How does knowing about me help us get the hell out of here? And you still haven't told me why we're here or what this all about."

"I'm trying to," Kirk said trying not to sound angry. "At least to the degree I understand it. Let's go sit down and talk, okay?

Erin's demeanor softened and she said, "Okay. Sure. And...sorry. I just have a ton of trust issues and I don't know you so I definitely don't trust you."

Kirk led her to the couch and said, "I get it. You don't trust me. Trust, like the uh, rewards we get around here, has to be earned. Hopefully, I can persuade you to at least be willing to try and do so and that—hopefully—will help us get out of here."

Again, the sound of the panels opening up. This time, there were two steaming cups of hot coffee waiting for them. "Thank god!" Erin said. "I'm still starving but I'm dying for a cup of coffee."

They sat down on the large sofa which was positioned in front of a huge flatscreen TV which was connected to a DVD player and speakers below it. "Lemme guess," Erin said cynically. "We have to earn the right to watch the freakin' TV, too."

"That's my guess. After all, everything we need or want is considered a reward and all rewards..."

Erin chimed in finishing his sentence, "Must be earned." Both of them laughed for the first time. 

They finished their coffee then Kirk spoke. "I was at my therapist's office agreeing to the same thing as you. After I signed the release papers, I got into a lime and was driven around for about four hours. I couldn't see or hear anything outside of the car. When we stopped, I was told to take some kind of white pill in the car. I took it and the next thing I remembered was waking up in bed next to you. What I agreed to with my therapist was to try what he called 'coercion intimacy therapy' or something close to that. He said it works by changing attitudes and beliefs by first changing behavior. At least that's what I think he said. Does that sound familiar to you, Erin?"

"No. Mine didn't say anything like that. She just told me that she knew of some radical new way that I could find the things I most wanted in life but that I'd have to agree to try it and trying it would be...challenging. That's the word I think she used."

"What was it she said you'd need to agree to? Do you remember?"

"She didn't give me any details. She just told me I could find the things I most want if I'd trust her and agree to some kind of new method of therapy or something. She just told me I'd need to be hypnotized first so she could find out what it was I really wanted most in life."

"And what is it you most want, Erin?" Kirk asked.

"Uh, that's kind of fucking personal, Kirk. And frankly, it's really none of your goddamned business." The sound of the steel panels slamming shut startled them. This time, there was a red LED panel above them and it was counting down from what appeared to be a 12 hour countdown.

"What the fuck is that?" Erin demanded.

"I believe that is the absence of rewards," Kirk said as they stared at the timer. It read 11:59:51 then 11:59:50 and so on.

"I apologize for asking something so personal, Erin, but if I'm right, we're going to have to learn to cooperate and get along if we want to get out of here or even eat...or drink. I wasn't trying to be nosey. I'm just trying to put the pieces together. It would appear that the way we respond to one another determines whether or not we go hungry."

"Jesus fucking Christ! This is totally fucked up! I didn't sign up for this! I want out. I'm gonna sue the fuck out of these people!"

A loud beep preceded the change in the timer. It went from 11:58:15 to 24:00:00.

"Erin. Please."

Erin was staring at the timer. "Jesus. I get it. Okay, people. I get it. I'll be a good girl. I promise." Another beep.The timer blinked and now read 11:57:45.

"Holy shit. Everything we say affects that timer and that..."

Kirk cut in, "Determines when or whether we eat or drink. And I'm pretty sure you're right about the television and most likely anything else in this house."

Kirk shared the rest of his thoughts on why they were there but didn't tell Erin about his desire to find the ideal woman who would be all the things Anne had been to him. He couldn't risk another angry outburst from Erin when it dawned on her that in order to be truly happy, she was going to have to give up control, trust a man completely, and give herself to him without reservation. Okay, he didn't know if all of that was true, but since that's what he wanted, he had to assume that was Erin's assigned role and that they thought she was capable of doing that. 

His mind was now clear and functioning at full capacity again and the realization of what was happening made it spin. He didn't understand everything that was going on, but the gist of it was clear. He and Erin had been paired together by this mysterious 'board' because its members believed that each of them had the potential to become exactly what the other most wanted and needed and in so doing, find real happiness by giving rather than through taking.The thought of this fiery, independent young woman becoming a kind of Stepford Wife made him laugh out loud. Of course, Anne was no Stepford Wife, but that's how Erin would undoubtedly view a life like that.

"Mind sharing what's so funny?" Erin demanded.

"Nothing, really. Just the enormity of the task at hand, I suppose. It seems pretty daunting." Erin didn't respond but the look on her face said she had no idea what he meant.

Erin spoke first after a long pause. "So how old are you anyway?"

"I'm 51. You?"

Erin rolled her eyes and shook her head. "That is just too fucked up. I'm supposed to figure out how to what—learn to get along with..or even fall in love with...some guy who's old enough to be my father?"

"This wasn't my idea, Erin and there's not much I can about my age."

She looked over at Kirk and said, "Listen. I didn't mean it like that. You're actually really good looking for, well...for an old...-er guy. It's just that I like guys who are maybe 35 or so. I'd never date anyone over 40 so 50 is just...I mean..."

"I get it. You don't have to justify how you feel. We like what we like and that's that. The question is how can we get whoever's listening to think we care? How do we convince them we're making acceptable progress? Whatever that means."

"So, in other words, how do we fake it?" Erin offered. Her concern was genuine and Kirk couldn't help feel for her. She was clearly a very independent woman who liked being in control. It was dawning on her that she had none here.

"I believe it's important to know what you told your therapist about what it is you most want. This is obviously all set up to provide that in some sick, twisted way and it would really help to know what it is you said you're looking for in life."

Erin sighed. "Oh, Jesus. I really don't want to talk about this. It was hard enough with my fucking therapist. I don't even know you. And you're like 30 years older than me, for Christ's sake."

Kirk chuckled quietly. "What's so fucking funny about that?" Erin demanded.

"You're a very beautiful young woman, Erin, but you can't be 21 years old."

Erin turned toward Kirk and said matter of factly, "I'm 27. In fact, I'll turn 28 next month. So okay, it's not thirty years." She paused, softened her tone, then said in a more playful way, "It just seems like it."

No one spoke for a good five minutes before Erin, who was staring at the blank TV screen started talking. "Here's the deal. All my life all I wanted was to find someone who'd love me more than anything else in the world. Someone who could make me feel like I'm the most important thing in his life. I want to meet a guy who's just as into love and romance as I am. Or...was anyway. I...I'm really a...I'm...I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, you know? And so what am I really looking for? Someone who...who won't fucking fuck my best friend or my sister or anyone else for that matter. But that guy doesn't exist so it's like I'm screwed because I know what I want but I can't have it because it isn't out there." She sat quietly for another minute before saying, "So does that answer your question?"

Kirk waited for her to finish then spoke up. "That helps a lot, Erin. Thank you for sharing that. I can't imagine how hard that was for you. That took a lot of courage because it required a lot of trust."

Without looking at him, Erin replied to his comment. "What choice do I have? I'd like to be able to eat and drink around here so as much as this shit pisses me off, I'm a realist. I'm gonna have to cooperate with you to make that happen. So there you have it in a nutshell. I want the impossible. I want what I can't have." She finally turned to look at Kirk and asked, "So how about you? What's your big dream in life? With, you know, what little you've got left of it?" Erin said that and then grinned at Kirk.

"Um well, first of all...thanks for that...and secondly...ouch." Kirk smiled back at Erin who was still smiling at him. "It's not all that complicated really. It's just...well, it's just that my dream is as impossible as yours if not more so."

"You want a woman who won't cheat on you? That doesn't seem like it would be too hard to find. But try finding a MAN who can keep his dick in his pants. Now that is what's impossible."

Kirk laughed again. "No. It isn't just that. Fidelity is important, but I'm looking for someone who'll love me with all the passion of my late wife, Anne. She was—well—everything to me."




Love Free or Die



Erin threw her head back and said, "Oh, great! So now I've gotta compete with a dead woman who was perfect. No pressure here, Erin."

Kirk didn't reply and after a few seconds Erin looked over at him and realized that what she'd said had cut deep. She jumped up from her side of the couch and moved over next to him and said, "Oh, my God. I am SO sorry, Kirk. That was really horrible. I didn't mean it like that."

Kirk didn't look at her. He was staring at the floor. Erin tried to lighten the mood by making some self-deprecating remarks but it was obvious this guy REALLY loved her.

Finally, she reached out and put her hand on his and said, "Kirk? I am really, truly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." She took his hand in both of hers and said earnestly, "Will you please forgive me? Please?" 

Kirk finally turned to look at her and when he did, he noticed her eyes were glistening. The feelings of hurt washed away and he now felt something entirely different—empathy. He put his other hand on hers and told her, "Erin. Anne was the love of my life. She was everything to me. I'm not overly emotional except where she's concerned. If you ever want to hurt me—I mean really hurt me—that's the place to go."

A tear fell on her cheek and Kirk heard her sniffle. "God, I am so, so sorry. I'm not normally such a bitch. Or at least I didn't used to be. What I said...about Anne? That was really awful. I hope you can forgive me."

Kirk let go with his right hand and brushed away the tear from her cheek. "Of course I forgive you, Erin. You didn't mean to be hurtful. And it's often true that people do embellish a spouse that's passed away. They become even more wonderful in death than they were in life. But with Anne, that's just not true. She was simply...amazing." 

Kirk noticed a box of tissues on the coffee table and handed it to Erin. As she took it, she said sincerely, "Thank you. And thank you for forgiving me. I can be a real ass lately. It's just...it's this trust thing with men. I've had issues before but my relationship really pushed me over the edge. I haven't given up on men and I guess that's why I agreed to try this, but these feelings are really deep and changing them isn't gonna be easy. But I am willing to at least try. I can't make any promises but you do seem like a decent guy and I really am sorry about your wife."

Just then they heard the chime and the steel panels raise up. Each side had a small plate in it with a chicken breast, mashed potatoes and gravy, and mixed vegetables. There was also a glass of white wine in each.

Erin took Kirk's hand as he led her back into the kitchen. The smell of the food was overwhelming. "Oh my fucking God. Are you kidding? I'm starving! This is SO amazing!" Erin shrieked. "Oh, Kirk, I am so happy!" 

She let go of his hand and threw her arms around his neck. Kirk was caught off guard and didn't initially hug her back. It was more of an air hug than an actually hug but he couldn't help but notice the smell of her perfume and as hungry as he was, he felt himself getting hard just as Erin released him. He let go of her and said, "I'm starving, too. Let's eat!"

Neither of them could remember food tasting so good before. But Erin's happiness was very short lived after they'd finished eating and put their dishes in the dishwasher. 

"So now what? They—whoever 'they' are—allowed us to eat. But it's nearly midnight and time for bed. They cannot possibly expect me to sleep in the same bed with you. As good as that meal was there are lines I'm just not going to cross. Not tonight, not ever. So you can go to the bedroom with the men's stuff and I'll go to the one we woke up in but we are NOT sleeping together. Is that clear?" 

Neither of them had noticed another LED panel above what would have been the front door in a normal house. Kirk had tried opening it as he looked around earlier but his head was still hurting so bad he hadn't bothered looking above it. Erin noticed it first.

"Did you see what just happened?" she said pointing toward the door.

Kirk turned around and saw the display which read 45 days 23 hours 59 minutes 42 seconds. "Oh, shit," Kirk said when he saw it. "My therapist said this could take up to six weeks but I had no idea he meant..."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!" Erin screamed. "I saw the red numbers as I was telling you I wouldn't sleep in the same bed and as soon as I finished talking, the thing reset! It went to 45 days without any warning! I mean, it was at 29 days when I noticed it and then it just—jumped! I can't do this for six fucking weeks. I can't. I won't!" Erin began to cry again.

Kirk decided not to say anything just yet. He let her vent for several minutes before she calmed down and turned toward him, her eyes filled with tears and wide with fear. "Can't you DO something? Didn't they give you some kind of like 'safe' word to end this if it got too crazy? We can't just stay here for SIX FUCKING WEEKS! I'm NOT going to do that. Do you understand?" Erin was sobbing. She then looked up at the walls and the ceiling and pointed wildly around the room. "Do YOU fucking understand? I am NOT going to play your game. I am NOT doing this. I want to go...HOME!!"

Erin collapsed on the couch. She was crying uncontrollably. After about 15 minutes, her cries subsided and around 1am she fell asleep. Kirk covered her with a blanket and went to his room. On the way, he checked to see if the shower might possibly be working. Nothing would have felt better than a long, hot shower. Hell, just two minutes under lukewarm water would have been great. No luck. Not a drop. He peeled off the clothes he'd been wearing just since that morning but it felt like he'd been them for several days. In spite of the nasty feeling of being clammy and dirty, he fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Chapter 3

When he awoke the next morning, he momentarily forgot where he was. He hadn't slept that soundly in a very long time. Not since...Anne was alive. He desperately wanted to brush his teeth but there was still no water. The only thing that worked was the toilet. He didn't even want to think what it would smell like if they couldn't at least flush the commode. Well, thank god for small favors, eh?

Erin was still asleep when he walked into the kitchen. He was hoping against hope there might be a cup of coffee or at least a glass of water. No such luck.

At around 10am, Erin finally woke up. She was in a real mood; one that made last night seem like she was happy to be there. "You've got to be fucking shitting me!" she growled as she flung the blanket off of herself. "I was hoping this all was just some kind of bad dream but nope. Still here. In this fucked up place with YOU. Jesus, this is fucked up."

"Good morning to you, too," Kirk said. "Did you sleep okay?"

Erin sat up, turned toward him and then toward the walls again and said, "I'm done, okay? I'm not doing this anymore. I refuse to play. 'They' can go FUCK themselves because I'm done. Do you HEAR me?" she screamed at the walls.

She shuffled into the kitchen and tried the faucet. Kirk tried to tell her nothing was working but that just sent her into another tirade. "I didn't fucking ASK you, did I? Do I look fucking helpless to you or something? Do you think I NEED you or any man for that matter, to tell me what is or isn't working around here? You're fucking all alike. You have to be in control of everything. You have to be in charge. Well, you're NOT in charge around here. Not of this house, not of this situation, and most definitely not of me. Do you understand?"

Kirk simply nodded his head and said, "I understand." He paused and then added, "But if we hope to get even a glass of water then we're going to have to try and..."

"SHUT UP! Shut the fuck UP! I said I'm done. I'm not playing this game." Erin turned toward the center of the room again and screamed, "You can fucking KILL me if you want, but I'm NOT doing this anymore. FUCK YOU!!" Her entire body was trembling as she stormed back over to the couch, flopped down, and pulled the blanket back over her body.

Neither of them said a word the rest of the day. Kirk was thirstier than he could ever remember being in his entire life. He knew Erin had to be just as thirsty and he knew their only hope of getting anything to drink was getting her to start cooperating. 

Around midnight, Erin finally spoke. "Kirk?"

Kirk had nodded off in the recliner. "Huh? What?"

Erin tried to sit up. "I don't feel well. I think I'm getting sick. I feel dizzy."

He got up and sat down next to the couch. "Erin. You need water. You're severely dehydrated. The alcohol last night didn't help, either. You've got to at least try. We need each other to get through this. You might hate me but you know you need me and I need you. So if there's any way you can even just force yourself to try..."

"Okay. Okay, I'll try." Her voice was weak and frail. "Can you help me sit up? Please?"

Kirk took her hand and assisted her in lifting herself up. While essentially staring into space Erin said quietly, "I apologize. I will try. Just please let me have some water." 

Immediately, the now-familiar sound of the panels opening filled the room. Erin tried to stand up but was too wobbly to walk. Kirk stopped her and said, "You need to rest. Just stay there. I'll get it for you."

There was only one glass this time and Kirk wanted nothing more than to chug every last drop in it but he willed himself to take it back to Erin. "Here. Go ahead. Drink it all. It's okay. I'm not really that thirsty anyway."

Erin's hand was shaky as she took the glass. Some of the precious liquid spilled causing Erin to panic and nearly drop the glass. "Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!" she said.

"It's fine. Drink up. All of it."

Erin took a very long drink and nearly finished the glass before she stopped and looked at Kirk. "You've got to be just as thirsty as me. Here. You finish it. And thank you for getting it for me."

Kirk drank the last two inches in the glass and as he finished they were again rewarded with that most wonderful of sounds. This time, there were two plates of food. Scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast with another glass of water and a cup of coffee.

"You've got to be freaking kidding?" Erin said as she threw off her blanket and ran to the kitchen. "Oh, my God! It's breakfast at midnight!"

Kirk was standing next to her as he removed the plates. "It's a little after midnight but I won't quibble. I thought I was hungry when the chicken appeared. I feel like I could eat the plate and the glass!"

After they'd eaten, Erin said. "This was all my fault. My stubbornness caused this. If I hadn't..."

Kirk stopped her in mid-sentence. "No. You can't blame yourself. It's human nature to resist change." He paused and then smiled for the first time that day. "Especially when you're strong willed and have trust issues to boot. For all we know, there could be men behind those cameras. And we all know how they are."

"Ha, ha. Very funny." Erin smiled back as she picked up her linen napkin and threw at him. It hit him square in the face. "You see! I have no issues with control. That napkin went exactly where I threw it."

Kirk handed it back to her and Erin who said, "Listen. I don't know exactly what's expected of me...of...us...but I don't want to go through another day like today. You seem to have a much better idea of how to get through this so I'll do my best to make this easier on both of us."

Kirk thanked her and then he stopped as he heard a new sound. "Do you hear that?"

Erin's ears perked up and she said, "Holy shit! That's running water!"

Both of them jumped up from the table and headed toward the sound. As they entered the only bathroom, they saw steam rising out of the open shower. "Hot fucking water!" Erin squealed. "I'm taking a shower!" she said as she started taking off her clothes.  

Before she could get her blouse off, the water shut off. "What the fuck?" Erin said with emptiness in her voice. "Oh, I get it!" Erin said in a loud, magnanimous tone of voice, "Kirk, why don't you go ahead and shower first, okay?" Immediately, they were treated to the sound of running water.

They looked at one another and both of them laughed. "Why thank you, Erin. How nice of you! I believe I will shower first."

Kirk could have stood in there for an hour but he had the feeling 'they' wouldn't permit anything more than a Navy shower. Get wet, soap up, and rinse off. He was in and out in less than two minutes which was smart because as soon as the last bit of soap was rinsed off, the water stopped running. But that didn't bother him at all. The water was nice and hot and he felt like he'd just taken the best shower of his life. He stepped out of the shower and reached for the towel on the rack when it just appeared in his hand. Erin was standing there with a towel wrapped around her body waiting for him to finish.

"Uh...thank you?" Kirk said as he took the towel to wrap around his body. Before he could, he was aware of Erin staring at him—down there. He pulled the towel around his waist and told her, "Better hurry. We might not get a lot of water."

Erin's eyes were wide open as she traded places with him. "Holy shit," he heard her mumble. As she closed the glass door behind him he thought he heard her say, "That's the biggest fucking cock I've ever seen."

Kirk smiled again as he unwrapped the towel to dry himself off. He couldn't help but notice that he was indeed well hung and that his previously flaccid member was no longer quite so flaccid. 

After about five minutes, Kirk heard the water cut off followed by another outburst from Erin. "You've got to be fucking kidding me! I barely got rinsed off and you shut off the goddamned water?" She flung open the shower stall door and snatched her towel from the hook. She toweled off with it then found a smaller one to use to dry her hair. She coiled it around her head before walking out into the living room.

"Feel better?" Kirk asked. 

"Better? Definitely. But that was the shortest shower I've taken in my life. I mean, I can't really even call that a shower." This time she caught herself, stopped then said, "Okay. That was actually pretty great. And so was the breakfast-slash-dinner-slash meal."

As they headed back into the kitchen still wearing only towels, both of their heads turned at the same time as the compartments behind the steel doors revealed another glass of water and what looked like a glass of Scotch.

As they lifted their glasses both of them took a long, slow whiff from it and their eyes said it all. "That's single malt!" Kirk said. "I don't even have to taste it. This is top shelf stuff right here."

They carried their glasses back to the large sofa and sat down. This time, Erin offered a toast. "To cooperating and graduating!" The clinked glasses then took a sip of the golden liquid that left beautiful fingers on the crystal glasses. "Oh! That is SO good," Erin said. 

She finished the rest in one large gulp, sat the glass on the coffee table, then looked over at Kirk. "Mind if I sit closer?" she said coyly.

"Really? You? Are you sure you can trust me? After all, I am a man, you know," he teased. 

"Oh, I definitely noticed that," Erin said.

"In that case, not at all." He lifted up his arm to allow Erin to slide in and under it. 

He finished his drink and they both sat there quietly for a few moments before Erin asked, "This is kinda nice." Another minute or two passed before she asked, "So what do you propose we do next?"

Kirk said, "I honestly don't know, but I know I'm exhausted and getting some sleep may help us figure this out."

"Sounds good to me," Erin said. 

As they approached Kirk's bedroom Erin put her hand on his arm and said, "I'm not suggesting anything is going to happen tonight—or any night—but I don't want to sleep alone. Would you mind staying with me?"

Kirk turned toward her and their eyes met. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure nothing is going to happen, if that's what you mean. I just don't think I can stand to be alone here. So you stay on your side of the bed and I stay on mine. Deal?"

As Kirk replied, "Deal," they heard water running again. This time it was in the bathroom sink. 

"Hell, yeah! We can brush our teeth!" Erin exclaimed. Two minutes later they had both finished brushing their teeth for the first time since they arrived. Moments later, both of them were sound asleep on separate sides of the king-sized bed in Erin's room.

Erin was up first. She stopped in the bathroom to pee before heading into the kitchen. To her pleasant surprise, the panels were opening up as she walked in and they were stuffed with food, juice, and coffee. Before realizing she didn't "do homemaker" Erin had set the table and fixed them both plates before waking up Kirk.

"This is amazing," Kirk said as he yawned while looking at the spread in front of them. "I didn't think that much food could fit in there," he said as he pointed toward the steel panels.

As they ate, Erin finally spoke. "I see how this works now. I understand why all this food was here this morning. We slept together in the same bed so this has to be a reward. But whoever's doing the eavesdropping has to know I'm not sleeping with you." She paused before saying, "Ever." Her look wasn't as defiant as it had been and Kirk thought there was almost an apologetic look on her face.

"I had a dream about being in my therapist's office. It was as though my brain was reliving the experience."

"So?" Erin asked as she finished off the last of her food.

"I specifically remember Dr. Dennison saying something very close to this: forcing changes in behavior can eventually bring about changes in attitudes."

Again, Erin asked, "So?"

"So...it seems to me that behavior is the thing that's rewarded. It doesn't matter about our attitude—for now anyway."

Erin was paying close attention now. "That's good, right? All we have to do is play the game. I do what you like, you do what I like and we're outta here! The only question is how long that will take."

Kirk didn't respond and that concerned Erin. "Nothing to say? Do you disagree with me or something?"

Kirk finished his coffee and said, "Yes and no. No in that for now, at least, I think you're correct. Behavior is the key."

"So what's the 'yes' part? Where am I wrong?"

"I can't know for sure but it would make sense that at some point, attitude IS going to play a role. I don't know how 'they' will be able to assess what we're thinking and feeling, but something tells me they've taken care of that along with everything else."

Erin looked crestfallen. "Are you fucking shitting me? If that's the case..."

Before Erin could finish her thought, they heard another familiar sound. "Hey! The TV is working!" Erin said as she pushed away from the table and headed toward the living room. "Come here! The news is on. Oh, my God. I've never been so happy to hear another human voice!"

Kirk came in just in time to see something about a tropical storm brewing in the Atlantic before the channel cut to commercial. Erin patted the seat next to her. "Sit down. Let's watch the news."

Kirk sat next to her and they endured a few commercials pitching supplemental insurance for Medicare recipients. "Geez, I hope we're out of here before we're that old." Before he could even react, Erin added, "Sorry, dude. You're already there, aren't you?"

Kirk managed a laugh before saying, "Very funny. So what do you think? Is this a reward for 'learning' that changing behavior first is what's important?"

"It looks that way. For now, I don't really care, though. I'm just glad to have some noise in this house. You know what I'd really like? I'd LOVE to hear some music! And nothing from Benny Goodman or whatever people your age listen to, okay?" Erin smiled playfully this time before saying, "I just hope they understand that I'll play the game but they'll never get inside my head. Change my behavior? Sure. Change my attitude? No fucking way."




Love Free or Die



The commercials ended and just as it switched back to the news, the TV went blank. "Fuck me!" Erin called out. She picked up a throw pillow and...threw it at the TV. "You guys don't want to hear the truth, do you?" Then in her best imitation of Jack Nicholson she puffed up and said, "You can't HANDLE the truth!"

She turned over to Kirk and said, "Seriously, how do they think they're going to make me feel differently? Even if I act differently, it's not going to change the way I feel in here," she said pointing to her chest where her stone-cold heart was located.

"That part I can't answer, but I'm pretty sure we'd better put some kind of plan together for ensuring we keep getting food and water for the foreseeable future. Tell me again what it is you most wanted out of this experiment?"

Erin looked straight ahead and said matter of factly, "I already explained it once. I'm not saying it again. Just saying it once made me feel weak and helpless. It was like I was some kind of girly chick who needs a man to feel complete and I don't. They say no one's a rock or an island but I am. I don't need anyone. No offense, but especially not some middle-aged guy with nothing to offer except..." Erin put her hand over her mouth as she burst out laughing.

"Care to share what's so funny?" Kirk asked. He found himself laughing simply because Erin was cracking up so hard.

"I was gonna say... Well, you know. I saw you in the shower last night and..." She looked down at his crotch before looking up at his face. "You're, ummm...HUGE!" Erin giggled momentarily then quickly recovered and said, "But that's not gonna be enough to get me to change the way I feel."

Kirk stared at her before smiling and saying, "I did have the nickname 'Horse' in college. But to tell you the truth, I haven't been with another woman besides Anne since I married her the day I graduated from the University of Washington almost 30 years ago." Before Erin could say something caustic Kirk added, "You know, several years before you were even born."

Erin laughed again. "So you have a college education. What do you do for a living? I mean, are you like rich or anything? If you were a sugar daddy, well...that might help change me mind!"

Erin was teasing but Kirk bristled inside. He fought the urge to say something he might regret but it welled up inside him so fast he couldn't help himself. Kirk stood up, bent over and stuck his finger in Erin's face as he said very quietly but with some bile in his voice, "It's no wonder guys treat you like shit. You're a greedy, gold-digging...bitch!" He turned and walked away before giving her a chance to respond.

Kirk felt like shit the rest of the day as he sat alone his room like a hurt school boy. He was just beginning to warm up to Erin when she went to the one place that just made him insane—money. He knew money was a necessary part of life but since winning the lottery, he was hypersensitive about it. He was sure Erin didn't know but the last thing he wanted was a woman pretending to care about him when all she wanted was his money. He'd stay single the rest of his life rather than spend a day with a woman who didn't love him for who he was. "Like Anne did," he said ruefully to himself.

It was after six o'clock when his overpowering thirst forced him out of his room. He knew there wouldn't be any water but he had to check. He was still pissed off but he wasn't sure if he was more angry with Erin or with himself for overreacting like that. He walked with his head down not even wanting to see, let alone talk to, Erin. He noticed out of the corner of his eye she was on the couch where he'd left her many hours ago. He went right past her without looking and straight to the sink. No water. "Fuck this place," he said.

"Isn't that my line?" Erin said politely.

Kirk didn't bother even turning around. "Leave me the hell alone, okay?"

"No, it's not okay. I'm thirsty, too. And I'm hungry again."

"Oh, yeah? Big surprise. It's not like I can do anything about that."

He could hear Erin stand up. "Maybe not. But after what I said this morning, I decided to at least try and maybe if I try, you'll try again, too." She paused, took a couple more steps his direction then said, "Do you like it?"

"Like what?" Kirk said still facing the sink.

"This," Erin said.

Kirk was suddenly hit by the smell of Ombre Rose perfume, the only perfume he ever really liked on a woman. He turned around and what he saw nearly took his breath away.

"Oh, my God." He looked up and down twice before saying, "How did you know? His question came out in a hoarse whisper.

"I wasn't sure but based on what little you told me, I thought this might be close to what you had in mind. You know, to at least get us something to eat and drink again tonight."

Erin was wearing a beautiful long-sleeved, white cashmere sweater, short black skirt, three-inch, open-toed black heels, with a pearl necklace and matching earrings. Her makeup was stunningly perfect as was her hair. "When I started laying these things out on the bed, my water came on and I was able to take a shower and wash my hair." She stood there looking at Kirk as though she was seeking his approval. "So, do you like it? Is this even close to what you want?"

Kirk felt himself growing hard and he was unable to stop staring at Erin. His eyes went up and down several times taking in the entire view. "It's uncanny," he said quietly.

"How so?" Erin inquired.

"I couldn't have made you more desirable...to me...had I been asked to choose everything for you."

"Then I'm glad. I also want to apologize—again. You were right. I am a bitch. It's just that..."

Just then they both turned at the sound they wanted so badly to hear. As the panels opened up, they saw and then smelled, the garlic bread and the lasagna wafting through the air. There were salads and an entire bottle of red wine.

"So, did I really do okay—with this outfit?" Erin asked sheepishly.

Kirk turned toward her and even though he fought back the urge, he felt a tear welling up in his eyes. He found himself staring at Erin who was more beautiful than anything he'd ever seen before. Maybe even more beautiful than his beloved Anne. The thought of any woman doing this for him was overwhelming. It was the very thing he wanted so badly and missed so much. Well, that and making love with Anne. He realized he'd teared up and quickly blinked and reached up as though there was something was in his eye. "Must be an eyelash or something," he said as he swiped away around the bottom of his eye a couple of times.

Erin smiled and said, "Yeah. An eyelash. That must be it." She grabbed both plates and said, "Shall we?"

As they ate, Kirk finally got up the nerve to say something. "Erin?"

"Yes?" she said as she look a bite of the delicious lasagna.

"I'm sorry about this morning. What I said. You're not a b..."

"A bitch?" she said finishing his sentence. "Yes, I am. But, well, what I was trying to say before was that I haven't always been one."

"No, no!" Kirk told her. "You're not...like that. You're a good, decent woman who's just been wronged one too many times so you do all...this...to protect yourself."

"Kirk. You don't know me. You have no idea how awful I've become." She took a sip of the merlot then said, "Sometimes I'm so terrible, I hate myself." Kirk just listened. "My last boyfriend really hurt me. The guy before him cheated on me and he was the second guy to do it, but it wasn't all that bad I guess because I wasn't really all that close to either one of them. But my last relationship was...special. Or so I thought. This guy got me to let down all of the defenses I'd built up over the years. He was handsome and charming and funny and...rich. Or so I thought." Erin took another, larger drink and Kirk refilled her glass. "But as it turns out, he was worse than a con man. A con man wants something you have. Usually your money. Well, I didn't have anything to offer except for..." Erin was having trouble speaking. "You see, it's hard for me to even talk about this stuff let alone say the 'L' word."

"There's no judgment here, Erin. I'm just listening. Go ahead. Tell me what happened."

"All I had to offer was...my love. You know, sex at first and then...well, he just kept charming me. He had all the props. Fancy car. Nice clothes. He took us to expensive restaurants and he said everything a hopeless romantic like me wants to hear. I fell hard for this guy. I took him home to meet my family over the Christmas holiday. Against my better judgment, I even introduced him to my sister, Katie, who'd dropped by to grace us with her presence for Christmas dinner. She's the bitch. Trust me. Tall, lean, and gorgeous and the kind of girl who wants whatever or whomever I've got. Long story short, I found him in bed with her a few days later when I dropped by his place unexpectedly. As it turns out, he didn't really have money, either. His parents did and he used it to charm naive girls like me so he could get what he wanted and then get off by taking it all away in a manner that would devastate the girl. He was the consummate player who put on this act—this show—to try and get a girl to fall in love with him and then he got his biggest thrill from fucking a friend or in my case, my sister. The bastard didn't even stop when Katie saw me and screamed. He just held her down and said, 'Hey, honey. Want to join us?' Is that sick or what?"

"I'm sorry," was all Kirk could think of to say.

"Me, too. So that's why I don't trust men. That's why I think they're all pigs." She swirled the wine in her glass then said softly, "Well, I guess it's possible there may be a few exceptions still out there somewhere."

"Was that a compliment?" Kirk asked.

"It was supposed to be. Coming from me...the bitch...that's pretty high praise, don't you think?"

"You're right. Not about being a bitch. You're not. But about how I really don't know you very well. But from what you've told me, this...this...attitude of yours is nothing but a way of keeping you from getting hurt. It's a defense mechanism. An emotional veneer you put on to avoid being hurt again. The hopeless romantic in you is still very much alive and well. She just needs a safe place to land the next time she gets up the courage to come out."

"I have no idea when or where that might be, but if it happens while we're here, you'll be the first to know, okay?" Erin said sincerely.

Kirk couldn't help but smile just as he noticed the sound of something else they hadn't heard since their arrival filled the room—music.

"Oh, my God! I love this song!" Erin exclaimed. She drained the second glass of wine then said, "Kirk? Would you dance with me? Please!!"

Kirk couldn't help but wonder if HE was now being set up. "Seriously? You want to dance with me?"

Erin stood up and held out her hand. "Yes! I love to dance. And it's just...dancing. It's not gonna lead to anything else." She paused and then added, "No matter how big your cock is." She giggled and said, "I think I'm getting drunk already. Come on! Let's dance!"

For the next half hour he and Erin danced to a number of songs he didn't know and then a song came on that he did know. And it was a favorite of his. And it was a slow song. He pointed nowhere in particular with his thumb and said, "Old fogey song. My kind of music." He was almost afraid to ask her. He was even more afraid she might say yes. Even so, he found himself asking in mock formality, "Young lady, may I have this dance?"

"Why yes, thank you. I'd love to, sir!" Erin said as she put her arms around him.

Kirk reminded himself she'd been drinking and not to read too much into anything. Then he caught himself and wondered if this wasn't exactly how "they" were going to get them...he and Erin...to...to fall in...to change their attitudes by changing their behavior.  

A few moments later, Kirk felt Erin pull herself in closer to him. The scent of the shampoo in her hair and of her perfume were ringing bells that hadn't been rung in nearly two years. He was again aware of the stirring between his legs and that his rather substantial member was indeed growing. "Shit," he said to himself. "Control yourself, Kirk."

In another moment, he felt Erin's body pushing up against his groin. "Mmmmm," she murmured. "That feels amazing," she whispered in his ear. He pulled back reflexively before Erin put her mouth right next to his ear. "Do you know how long it's been since I've been fucked?" she asked. Before Kirk could answer, she said, "Six months. That's right. I haven't been with a guy in six fucking months." Erin giggled. "No, wait. They haven't been fucking months, have they? If they were fucking months, I would have gotten fucked, right?"

Kirk felt his raging hard on growing but he felt so conflicted. He couldn't do this to Erin when she was drunk. He knew she wasn't shit-faced or anything but still, she'd downed two full glasses of wine in less than 15 minutes and she was definitely not fully in control. He pushed her back gently and said, "We need to get you some coffee, okay?"

Erin was having none of it. "I don't want coffee. I want you." She looked at him demurely like a young school girl and said, "I saw your cock, you know. I'm really lonely and I really, really want it." Erin bit his ear playfully before adding, "And I want it in my pussy. I want you to fuck me, Kirk. Will you?"

Kirk was struggling. He said, "Erin. Do you know how long it's been since I've had sex?"

"Not longer than six months, I'm sure," Erin said playfully.

"I wish. It's been about 20 months. Maybe two months of so before Anne died. She was too sick those last couple of months and..."

"Shhh," Erin whispered. "I'm sorry about your wife, Kirk. I really am. But she's gone. And I'm here. And we're supposed to change our behavior so we can change our attitudes. I'm horny and I want to be fucked, so... No, wait. I need to be fucked."

"Erin. You've been drinking. I can't take ad..."

"Shhh. Stop talking. You're not taking advantage. I'm taking advantage. You have something I want. Something very...big. Something very, VERY big. And I want it. So please don't say anything else. Please."

Erin's had slid down Kirk's shirt, stopped briefly at his belt buckle, then made its way to the bulge that was back in his pants. It wasn't difficult to find his massive hard on and when she did, Erin moaned softly. "My God! Your fucking cock is huge."

She began pushing him toward the couch and Kirk was too far gone to resist any further. Erin deftly removed his belt and slid his pants down quickly followed by his underwear. Kirk was almost fully erect and his cock was a good ten inches in length and fat as hell. Erin's eyes were utterly wide open as she gasped, "Jesus fucking Christ! You really ARE a horse. Oh, my gawd, you're big!"

Erin was on her knees with one hand on his massive cock and the other underneath his ball sack which held what felt to Erin like two very large golf balls. She flipped her long hair back out of the way and lowered her mouth onto the head of Kirk's shaft. He gasped as her lips and tongue teased the head of his dick for several seconds before her mouth engulfed as much of his cock as she could swallow. He felt the head of his cock hit the back of her throat as she held it there until she gagged. He'd seen that on porn videos but Anne had never actually done that. She loved blowing him but deep throating never was part of the equation. He groaned loudly.

Erin released his cock and gasped for air. "You like it?" she asked as her head bobbed up and down furiously on his shaft.

"Ummm. Fuck, yeah. That feels SO good, Erin. Oh my God, that's amazing." 

After a couple more minutes of fellating him, she announced, "My turn." She removed her skirt and panties and lay back on the couch. Kirk instinctively buried himself between her legs. He'd not forgotten that unique smell but he'd missed it terribly. He licked her clit slowly from top to bottom then in a swirling motion. Erin was moaning loudly and begging to be fucked. Kirk refused. He continued to lick harder and harder as he penetrated her bald pussy with one, two, and then three large fingers. "Oh, FUCK!" Erin screamed. "That feels so fucking GOOD!" Seconds later, her entire body erupted in a massive shiver and a monumental explosion. "Yes! Yes! Oh, fuck...YES!!" she screamed.

Kirk didn't stop. He continued fingering her clit and finger-fucking her pussy as he prepared to mount her. "Oh, God!" Erin cried as she saw his cock fully erect dangling like a baseball bat over her pussy. "Don't you dare stop!" she begged.

Kirk lowered himself until the tip of his shaft was touching her slit. Then he rocked up and down pushing its girth against her clit causing her to moan even more loudly. "Okay. Here it comes, baby. Nice and slow." Kirk pushed gently and the head of his cock popped inside of her.

"Oh, fuck! Jesus, you're big!" Erin said as she gasped and moaned. 

Slowly, Kirk worked his massive phallus inside of her an inch at a time. It wasn't just long, it was thick as hell and unlike Anne, Erin wasn't used to anything this big inside her. Each time he pushed, he felt her wince. When she did, he'd stop, back up and then give that length a few times until it felt right. By the time he got his entire shaft inside her to the hilt, Erin was literally screaming but not with pain. 

"Oh, my fucking God! I've never felt anything so fucking huge inside my pussy before. Ohhhh, fuck! That feels SO fucking...GOOD!"

He was now pounding her furiously and he was forcing himself to hold off cumming until she was ready a second time. When he felt her body tense he hammered her several more times until she screamed then pulled out just in time to cum all over her gorgeous, soft sweater as well as on her face and hair. His load was so large there cum was everywhere. Spent, he fell on top of her and for the first time, they kissed before Kirk grabbed a tissue to clean his cum off her face as best he could.

"Jesus, Horse. You're amazing," she told him. She closed her eyes and moments later, she was fast asleep on the couch. Kirk covered with a blanket knowing it too, would need to be washed soon as it laid on top of the sticky mess on her cashmere sweater. He couldn't help but believe this might just earn them the privilege of using the washer/dryer. Regardless, he couldn't help feel both exhilarated and somewhat guilty for taking advantage of her. But then again, it wasn't like she was plastered. There had to be some "culpability" on her part, too. Oddly, he was almost dreading how things might go the next morning as he had no idea which Erin might wake up to greet him.

Chapter 4

This time, he was up first and breakfast ready before Erin woke up. The "observers" must have approved of last night based on the spread that was waiting for him when Kirk walked in. 

Moments later, a bleary-eyed Erin showed up holding her cashmere sweater out in front of her with two fingers like it was radioactive. "Uh, what do you propose we do with...this?" Erin asked. "It's kind of...messy."

"Indeed it is. My guess is it's probably included in the cost of this um...travel package. I'd just toss it in the trash."

"Are you kidding? This must have cost $300. There's no way I'm throwing this away. Are you made of money or something?" Erin paused then said, "You never did tell me what you do for a living. Are you made of money?" She laughed which told Kirk she almost certainly had no idea he really was (almost) made of money. Then she remembered his reaction to the last time she'd brought up the subject. She dropped the cum-soaked sweater on the floor and rushed to him. "Kirk. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up again. I just..."

Kirk also laughed. "It's okay. I overreacted last time and I'm the one who's sorry for doing so. Okay, I'll answer you this way. If I was made of money I wouldn't have been able to do what I did with you last night because my paper dick would have gotten all soggy and been worthless."




Love Free or Die



Erin rolled her eyes. "Okay. Touche! You win that one—Horse. You most definitely were NOT worthless. And you're actually kind of funny." 

Erin was walking a little gingerly and now Kirk knew why. He glanced down toward her crotch and said, "Sorry about that."

"Sorry? For the best fuck I've had in months?" She hesitated then added, "Or maybe ever? No need to apologize for that. But don't start thinking I'm in love with you anything, okay? That's what's called hooking up. Nothing more. Got it?"

"Hooking up. Oh, yeah. What people my age used to call a 'one-night stand.' Okay. Got it."

Erin picked up the sweater and sat it on the far edge of a coffee table and said, "Geez. We must have done something right last night. Look at all this shit!" She caught herself then corrected what she said. "I mean—stuff. I have to admit you were right about my um—potty mouth—too. I swear way too much."

Kirk wondered whether or not his comments about her tough-guy act being a defensive mechanism were having an impact. He hoped they were but he had to admit he liked it when a girl used 'dirty' language in bed. He didn't care for her gratuitous profanity outside of the bedroom and he couldn't help but believe it would stop once she...well, if she ever...started having...feelings for him. He cut his thoughts short and found himself wondering if or when there might be a next time.

"Speaking of doing something right. Look at the numbers by the main door." Kirk turned and noticed they read: 12 days, 6 hours, 15 minutes, 42 seconds. 

"Wow! We shaved off a lot of time on our sentence in one night!" The couple high five one another and for the next few minutes they chatted as they ate.

Erin stopped eating all of a sudden and said, "I have my doubts about the number of days remaining.


"Why's that?" Kirk inquired.

"Well, remember how you said behavior has to change first and then be followed by attitude?"

Kirk froze. "I do. And just having sex doesn't mean attitudes have changed."

"Exactly. And no offense, but mine hasn't changed. Well, not much."

"Not much? Care to expand on that?" Kirk asked her.

"Well, Jesus, Kirk! I mean, just because we fu...hooked up...doesn't mean I want to marry you or that I've fallen in love or whatever we're expected to do. And honestly? I'm not sure that's ever gonna happen. Fair?"

"More than fair. Honesty is essential. I'm sure they've got some way to know what we're really thinking. Not mind reading or anything. Just some biometric means of monitoring our heart rate, etc., to know if we're telling the truth. So, yeah. That's fair enough."

"When I said 'not much' I have to admit I did enjoy last night." Erin looked down as though she was somewhat uncertain whether or not to say what she was thinking. Finally, she added, "And I have to say I actually enjoyed dressing up for you. If you know me—or at least the woman I've become because of how I've been treated—that's an amazing admission."

"I can't and won't tell you or anyone else how to feel, Erin. I just want to know what you're feeling and thinking. But I did want to say you looked stunningly beautiful and I really did feel like I was being set up."

"Set up? How so?" Erin look puzzled.

Kirk chose his words carefully. "You have a huge walk-in closet full of every kind of clothes a woman could wear. You could have chosen a silk blouse, a long dress, or jeans and a t-shirt. But you chose the exact things I like more than any other."

Erin raised her eyebrows. "Oh, does the Horse have some kind of fetish? Is he unable to um...perform...without his woman dressing up like a little doll for him?"

Kirk was uncertain now whether or not Erin was kidding or if she was firing a warning shot across the bow that said, "Don't even TRY to go there, asshole, because I won't play your little game."

"I asked you to be completely honest with me so I can only hope you feel the same."

"Of course. No bull shit...I mean, please be honest with me, too, Kirk."

"Okay. Well, I do have a thing for sweaters. Not the baggy things grandmothers—I know, I know—women MY age—wear. And not the ugly Christmas sweater thing, either. I like form-fitting knit tops. Rib knitting is a huge plus. 'Sweaters' is just the generic term for what I like but even a simple tank top or 'wife beater' as some people call them is the kind of thing I like. Don't get me wrong. I like dresses. I like jeans. I like—naked—and other stuff. It's just that I really like sweaters."

"Okay, well, thsat's not so bad. I thought maybe you envisioned a woman with a closet full of nothing else or if she wore a plain old shirt you'd feel differently about her. I get it. It's a preference. A strong preference but not a requirement. Am I close?"

"You are indeed. And while we're on this topic, I have another question. Do you mind?"

"Where am I gonna go? It's not like I can run away and leave you so ask away." Erin was clearly being playful which was a good sign.

"What do you think about the term 'soul mate'?"

Erin thought for a moment then said, "I'm not sure. I guess I've always believed there really is that one special guy out there waiting for me. I mean, it's not like we can just hook up with someone and fall in love with them. Oh, again, no offense about last night. That was actually pretty great. But that doesn't make you my should mate. What's your take on it?"

"I used to think Anne was my soul mate. But since her death I've realized that I just got really lucky. Not in the lottery-winning way where it's pure luck but in the sense that I tried to make the best choice I could once I got to know her. But what I learned is that there are a LOT of woman who would be perfect for me, a bunch more who would be good for me, even more who would be compatible, with most not even being suitable all. I think that's true for everyone. Am I crazy?"

"Hmmm. No, not crazy." Erin was staring at her plate as though there something on it that shouldn't be there. "I just never thought of it that way before. If I get what you're saying, it's like there's a 'range' of people who could work for you or me anyone, for that matter. It's not that there's this one perfect match sent from heaven above but that there are quite a few people who could well—fit the bill?"

"Exactly. I may be wrong but my experience—no jokes, okay—tells me that there can't be just one ideal person. So if you meet someone who's a good fit in all the areas that are important to you, and if both people are dedicated to making it work, then they have a very good chance at being happy together."

"You're a pretty smart guy. Did you know that, Kirk?" 

"My mother always tells me I am but it's nice to hear someone younger and...very pretty...tell me so."

"Kirk? Are you blushing? Oh, my GOD! You ARE blushing!" Erin got up and came around the table and pushed her way onto his lap. "Does Kirk have a crush on me?" she teased. "Come on. Tell me. Honesty, remember? Does Kirk like Erin?"

Kirk hadn't blushed in so many years—maybe decades—he'd forgotten what it felt like. Erin had her arms around his neck and he could feel his cock stiffening again. "Oh, there's my answer! Kirk—or at least's Kirk's horse cock—DOES like me!"

"Erin," Kirk protested. "Come on. Please? Give me a break here, okay?"

"Why? Is it senior's day or something? Am I supposed to give you a discount on getting a hard time because you're too old to take it?" She began nuzzling his neck and ears and repeating, "Huh? Am I?"

Kirk reached up and cupped one of Erin's breasts. "A man can only take so much, you know. At some point, he might just get tired of the girl's bullshit and take her right then and there."

Erin gasped and moaned.

Kirk felt something in the way Erin responded and it emboldened him. "Is that what you want? You want to push me past my limits? Do you want me to just rip your clothes off and fuck the shit out of you right here and now?"

Erin was whimpering and she moaned softly and said ever-so-quietly, "Yes. I do. Please fuck me again but...hard...I like it...rough. Really, really rough."

Kirk lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom. He literally threw her on the bed then jumped on top of her. He grabbed her baggy shirt and ripped it off of her. Buttons snapped and popped and Erin's eyes were filled with...not fear but...wild excitement. He then tore off her shorts and panties and got into what was essentially a push-up position on top of her.

"Oh, God! Are you going to rape me?"

"Is what you want? Isn't that exactly what you want?" Kirk hissed in feigned anger.

Erin's eyes were two huge saucers. "Yes," she said so quietly he could barely hear her.

Without any further hesitation, Kirk plunged his enormous horse-sized cock into her pussy which was already drenched with juices in anticipation of what she was craving. Kirk fucked her harder than he'd ever fucked anyone before. Erin was screaming; her nails were digging deeply into his back. He could feel blood trickle from the wounds but he didn't care. He just kept pounding the hell out of her pussy.

"Cum inside me. Fuck me. Rape me. Fuck me! Please!!"

Kirk let go another huge wad of cum inside of Erin's body. He was grunting like a madman and she was screaming in ecstasy. Kirk collapsed alongside her. Both of them were panting like dogs. As he lay there he began wondering if he'd just made a terrible mistake. He dreaded asking but he had to know. He rolled over and raised himself up. "Hey. Are you okay? Was that—okay?"

Erin didn't speak. She had tears in her eyes. "Jesus. Erin. Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry. I thought..."

Erin shook her head. "No. Stop. You didn't hurt me. I'm okay." Tears fell from her eyes and rolled down her face and onto the sheets. 

"Then what it is? What's wrong?"

Erin sniffed and wiped away her tears. She sat up and put her head between her legs. "You have a thing for sweaters, right?"

"I do," Kirk replied.

"How many people have you shared that with? I mean, other than Anne?"

Kirk hesitated then said, "Two. You and my therapist."

"Was it hard to do that?" she asked.

"Yes," he told her.

"Then I hope you can understand how hard it is for me to say this. I hope you won't hate me or think I'm sick when I tell you." Erin wiped away more tears then sat up and looked directly at Kirk. "I have a 'thing', too. I've had a...I've had this fantasy of...I dream about being...raped by a handsome older man. I've had this fantasy since...well...for as long as I can remember." She looked away being saying, "I've never told anyone this before. Ever."

Kirk put his arm around her shoulders. "I'm glad you told me, Erin. That took a lot of courage."

"So am I some kind of sicko? What girl wants to be raped? Am I insane?"

Kirk pulled her close. "You don't want to actually be raped, Erin. It's just a fantasy. And fantasies can be very enjoyable as long as both people feel completely comfortable and safe sharing them. And no, I don't think you're a 'sicko' or weird or anything else. Human beings have needs. Some of those needs are sexual. Some sexual needs are considered unusual but that's only because a very small percentage of people have them. But who cares how many or how few share what you or I like? If you need something, then YOU need it. Period. What anyone else thinks just doesn't matter."

Erin rested her head on his shoulder. "Why can't you be 15 years younger? Or even just ten?" She tried to laugh but Kirk knew the age difference was a big deal to her. 

He decided to try to joke around, too, although it was becoming a sensitive issue. "So if I was 41 instead of 51 you'd possibly be interested? Is that what you're telling me?" He shook her gently as a way of saying he was kidding around.

"Well, yeah. I mean—no. It's just that...well...I mean, you're a LOT older than me. Isn't that weird to you? Isn't it kind of...I dunno...creepy?"

"May I answer your question with a question?" he said.

"You just did!" she said trying to be friendly.

"Uh, no. That wasn't an answer. It was just a question." Kirk could see Erin wasn't following so he plowed on ahead. "Let's just assume for the sake of conversation that one of the many guys you could be very happy with just happened to be well...a lot older than you. What if you could be really, really happy with that guy and what if he loved you so much he'd do anything and everything you ever dreamed of to make you happy? And what if he did those things because he loved YOU for who you are that much? Would you rule him out because he's too old? Assuming, of course, you at least find him reasonably attractive—for an old guy, of course."

Erin finally laughed. "You're actually very funny—for an old-er guy, that is. I don't know. I mean, shouldn't two people be at least close to the same age?"

"Why?" Kirk asked. "What if everything else is good—really good—except for the age difference. Would that be a deal breaker for you?"

Erin looked at him again. "You're also pretty smart—for an ol..."

"For an old guy. Yeah, I know."

Erin could see she'd hurt his feelings. "Oh, Kirk. I was just totally kidding! I'm SO sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Really. Sometimes I just don't know when to stop."

Kirk forced a smile and said, "No big deal. I know you're just kidding around. Well, mostly anyway." He pulled her close and let her go again to assure her he wasn't hurt even though he was. He hated to admit it but he was falling in love with her and he didn't want to open himself up to the kind of hurt that was bound to come when she told him she just didn't feel the same way. There was just no way this young, sexy woman was going to feel the same way about a man who some 25 years older than her.

"Kirk. You ARE funny. And you ARE smart. I hate it that you're forcing me to think about things I've never considered and...I hate even more when I can't find an argument better than yours."

"You never did answer my question. Would you kick an older guy out of bed for eating—Metamucil?" 

Erin laughed. "Okay, that old-person joke was on YOU!" She sat quietly for a moment then said, "I guess not." Then she turned and smiled and told Kirk, "At least not if he had a really, really big cock and if he was really, really rich!"

Kirk didn't smile and Erin immediately stopped doing so. She'd gone there—again.

Kirk waited for a moment then said,"Erin? You've talked about money and guys being rich more than once. Is money really that important to you? I mean, in our hypothetical case, if that old-er guy was everything else you wanted except your age would he have to be rich for you to have feelings for him?"

"Money's an important part of life, Kirk. I grew up poor and I don't ever want to be poor again."

"That makes sense. But what if that guy was just solidly middle class with a mortgage and a car payment and bills. What if he wasn't rich? Would that be a problem?"

"Well, speaking hypothetically, of course, if he was really great in every other way, and he had a decent job then no, it wouldn't be a big deal. I don't need a lot of stuff to be happy. But I also don't want to live paycheck to paycheck, either. Am I answering your question? I'm doing a lot of talking, but I'm probably not making a lot of sense."

"You're making great sense and yes, you did answer my question."

"What is it you do for a living, Kirk? If I may ask, that is."

"I had an accounting firm but I sold it when Anne got sick. I just couldn't keep working when she needed so much care. I made a very healthy profit but it isn't enough to support another person. Not even a younger, very attractive person who doesn't need a lot of stuff to make her happy." Kirk waited for a moment then said, "But I can assure you that if I ever did meet such a person and should she have similar feelings for me, I'd do anything necessary to provide for her. Okay, now I'm rambling."

"No. That's not rambling. That's just—honesty. Money and sex are the two things most couples fight about so if two people, hypothetically speaking of course, were to get involved a committed relationship, then they should know how the other person feels about those things. As well as other things, too."

"Such as?" Kirk enquired.

Erin slid back over next to him. "Well. For instance, let's say this hypothetical couple with this hypothetical age difference were to become involved. The younger girl—you did say she was pretty, too, didn't you?"

Kirk smiled as Erin looked at him. "I did. Because she is very pretty."

"Okay. Just checking. So she'd want to know if this old...this nice man...whom she found to be attractive...would want to have children because hypothetically speaking, she would. So, in this hypothetical case, would he?"

"Well, I'm certain that any guy who really, really cared about this younger, very attractive woman would want to do anything and everything to make her happy. So it's a virtual guarantee he'd want to have children with her. Hypothetically, of course."

They spent the rest of the evening talking about everything two people could talk about before they got so tired they had to get some sleep. They went to bed together but remained on separate sides.

For the next two days, Erin wore the things Kirk liked and he in turn treated her like she was the only thing that mattered to him. They found themselves having sex once the first day and twice the next. Although Kirk thanked Erin for dressing that way, he sensed something was missing.

"What's wrong?" he asked her at dinner.

"Is it that obvious?" she said in reply.

"No...yes. I mean it's obvious something's wrong but what it is that's wrong isn't obvious. At least not to me. Would you tell me?"

"I shouldn't have to tell you. You should know."

Kirk sighed. "Erin, I can't read minds. I'd be happy to do something for you but you have to talk to me. I now know that deep down, you're a hopeless romantic. You like being treated like a princess—not that you act like one—let's make that clear before I get in trouble." Erin smiled but didn't laugh. Something was really bothering her. "So can you please just tell me what's eating at you so I can fix it? Or at least try?"

Erin looked down and said, "I already told you once. I shouldn't have to say it again. I mean, I wear these clothes for you because it's so important to you. And honestly?" She actually smiled a real smile when she used their favorite new word. "I kind of like doing it for you. I...I like the way you look at me when I do." Her voice trailed off and Kirk was aware that she was allowing herself to be vulnerable around him. He even allowed himself to ask whether she might actually be having feelings for him but he was still too afraid to ask as though asking might jinx it or something.

"I'd look at you no matter what you wore, Erin. And I'd think you're beautiful regardless of what you're in. I just want you to know how much it means to me that you do that for me."

Erin looked away again. "Then why don't you know how much I need you to do...something I like...for me??

Suddenly, the light came on and the reality hit Kirk like a bolt of lighting. He got up and stood beside her and then knelt down next her. "I'm so sorry. I'm an ass. You've been so completely giving and all I've done is take and..."

"Kirk. Please. This is hard enough for me, okay? It doesn't help when you come over and say things like that. Things that make me lo..." Erin stopped in mid-sentence. "It's just too embarrassing to ask you again for what I want the most. If I have to ask, it ruins it for me. Can you understand that? If you had to ask me to wear a nice sweater for you, it would mean I don't want to do it but that I'm doing because you asked me to. So if I have to ask you for this..."

Kirk realized Erin had just come very close to telling him she loved him or something very lose to it. He was now torn between wanting to hold her close and tell he felt the same way and to react with anger and give her her greatest fantasy again. As much as he wanted to melt into her arms and have her do the same in his, he knew what she needed and that mattered a helluva lot more than what he currently wanted.