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Jasmin: Guilt Diary Ch. 01

By: LIPrulz



© LIPrulz July 2007

After not having seen her for three years and thinking I was just about over her, Jasmin had shown up at my door. All of my vacillation over wether to take a chance on another chick, Kathleen by name, was turned upside down when I allowed Jasmin to walk in the door and back into my life.

"I can't go to mum's or my brother's place." Jasmin said to me. "I need somewhere to stay, Damien. Somewhere safe."

I had laughed. I knew three years ago something like that might happen with her. I had even warned her as even with everything she had done I was still in love with her. It's hard to let go.

But I had let her go, rather I had told her to go as what she had done to me tore me to pieces and was unforgivable. Yet here she was.

"Well you're here. At the moment anyway." I didn't want to let Jasmin have the impression I had agreed to let her stay. We had gone out the back and I was sitting in the lounger by the pool. I still really wanted to have a swim. Answering the door had changed much more than that.

But Jasmin at least understood now that it was not a certainty that I would let her stay. Just as I had, Jasmin had no doubt on locking eyes with me as she had come in that the electric connection between us was as strong as ever. But she also understood now that there was so much damage between us that I was resisting the ever present yearning.

"Mark wants me to go to Thailand. To get my breasts done." Jasmin swallowed nervously. There was something else she was holding back.

I knew I could get her to tell me what the real problem was. But the question in my mind was if I wanted to. If I showed any interest, Jasmin would cleave to me. She knew how much she had hurt me three years ago and making her leave had been just as painful for her I'm sure. So to come to me like this she must be in real trouble. If she suspected I really cared about that then I was lost and there would be no real chance for any kind of fair reconciliation.

As it was my heart was already in my throat just having her sitting nearby at the pool after so long sitting there by myself. I had to maintain some self-control. If she wanted to come back it had to be on my terms. She would have to volunteer everything. I she wanted something she would have to ask. I would not be placing my heart on my sleeve for her. If Jasmin really wanted to pick up the pieces then she had the work to do.

As for her breasts; they certainly did not need anything done to them. I glanced at them as I wondered about that.

Beneath her top, Jasmin's breasts looked the same to me that they were three years ago. By the time Jasmin was 21 she had a C cup size. Her nipples were the longest nipples on any chick I had seen in the flesh. Before Jasmin I had had several girlfriends and in the last three years I had seen the tits of quite a few more women. I had been serious about none of them but more of that later.

In any case Jasmin's breasts looked no different, still as perky as ever. Mark obviously just wanted her to have bigger tits. It was totally unnecessary; Jasmin was hot enough to turn the head of any man. Then I looked again. There was a difference that was hard to see as dusk came down on us.

Jasmin had not padded her bras for many years, since leaving home. But they were surely padded now. Through the cotton there was no sign of her nipples.

She caught my second glance. Jasmin smiled but when I kept my expression blank she lost the smile. Jasmin looked sad then. I let her stew. I could only imagine what she was thinking.

"Damien," she said after a while, "Could I bring the car in?"

"Ahh, no!" was my immediate response.

"Craig might take it," she tried to explain.

"Craig?" I asked questioningly, forgetting my earlier resolve not to show too much interest. Mark wanted her to have her tits done and Craig had an interest in her car?

Jasmin sniffled and I knew she was trying not to cry. "Please, Damien," and now she was begging. "I'm so, so sorry..." And she was sobbing.

She probably hoped I would stand and go over to her, hold her in my arms and everything would be ok. But I didn't and everything was not ok. Everything could not be ok because my trust had been destroyed. I let her sob and cry. It had gotten dark and she looked so alone there.

Truly I wanted to go and hold her but kept reminding myself every moment; think with your head, not your heart; think with your head, not with your heart; over and over I said that to keep myself in my seat.

If there was to be any chance at reconciliation, any chance for a fresh start, this was the way I had to be.

"Craig's a crim!" I said after a short time. "Always has been." I left unsaid the question of why was she involved with him.

Jasmin made an effort to control her shaking. "It isn't what you think, Damien," she cried. Even sobbing she looked hot. Jasmin's hair was still gloriously long. Some hung over her face as she leaned forward on the side edge of the deck chair. It put her face well in shadow but I knew her well enough to know her crying was genuine.

"I owe them money," she said.

"And you'll owe them more if you go and get your tits made bigger," I said cruelly.

Over the neighbour's fence next to the pool I heard the screen door of their back entertainment room slide and click closed. I didn't know if someone had gone inside or just come out.

The neighbours, a couple around my age, were new to the town and I didn't know them well. I stood up and listened but could not hear anyone moving around outside. Perhaps someone had gone in then which meant they probably heard our conversation to this point. Too bad I thought. Jasmin had come unannounced. Airing her laundry might do her some good. I could see that she had turned her head in an effort to hear anything happening next door. At least that had helped her stop crying.

"Kel and Mike?" she asked quietly.

"No, Jasmin, they moved last month. Some things do change."

She looked up at me. I could see her eyes wide and glistening with new tears ready to shed. She bowed her head. "Can we talk inside?" she asked.

I nodded, not caring she couldn't see. When I walked past her to the pool gate though, Jasmin looked up. She followed me to the back door.

"Damien? Can I please bring the car in?"

I was almost fuming then. There was no way I wanted to bend in any way to Jasmin. Not yet anyway. She had too much ground to make up first.

Jasmin understood then, I think. She knew my pride at least.

"Just until you decide if I can stay, Damien. I'll go if you want me to after we talk."

She was almost desperately pleading. I had never seen her do that before. I did not want to relent though.

"It's all I have," said Jasmin. She slumped down at the breakfast table, desolate.

"What?" I couldn't help the exclamation. Jasmin had never asked me for a settlement when she left three years ago. But I had ensured the settlement process was carried through. She had agreed to accept $110,000 and one of our rental properties. How could she now only own a car?

"I'll tell you everything, Damien. Just please bring it in."

I agreed then. I went upstairs to change from my trunks. In shorts and a t-shirt with my own car key in my pocket I collected her key. Before I went back out the front I considered asking if it was important enough to put her car up the drive in front of mine so it couldn't be seen.

The driveway up the side of the house doesn't go to a garage. We converted the garage out the back to a huge workshop and granny flat years ago. Next to the house I have an extended tandem length carport roof. The supports and roof I had made strong enough so I could put an automatic roller shutter on the drive to close it off neat with the wall of the front courtyard. The carport was then a virtual private garage on the drive and was strong enough to resist any wind. But if someone was nosy enough you could see around the front post from the other neighbour's side of the fence and see any vehicle at the front.

So I thought about putting Jasmin's car out of sight at the back of the drive. Though it would mean moving my GS lexus (leased, I'm not rich) out to then put behind her car. I decided I didn't want to do it. She might take that as too much of a sign of forgiveness.

I was honest enough with myself to admit I still loved her. As for forgiving Jasmin though, no way had that happened. I moved my lexus up and put her mazda at the front of the drive.

The passenger seat of the mazda was crowded with her clothes and personal effects. When I drove the mazda into the drive I popped the boot to have a look there also before I went back inside. The small boot was also full of personal effects. There wasn't a bag in there, just a pile of clothes. It appeared she really was in a bind. I went back inside and gave her car key back.

I made a coffee for Jasmin and a green tea for myself. While it was brewing and my tea drawing she began to talk.

Jasmin said that Craig had tricked her into signing a sale of the investment unit over to him. Apparently at the same time he had also obtained access to her accounts online and transferred all the money she had to himself.

Then after tax time the bastard had tricked Jasmin into paying her recent savings to cover the tax debt of her so called gift to him.

Jasmin's naïveté had not diminished. I might have chuckled if she hadn't been so badly taken advantage of.

"I love you, Damien," she sobbed at the end. "I'm so sorry for everything I did."

I didn't say anything. To me it just looked like more of the same crying since she had arrived. I did believe that she loved me, however. If she had been with Mark or Craig all this time then she was love starved.

"Oh, I don't know why I am going to tell you this," she cried. "I want to come back. I'll tell you everything."

I understood then what was happening with Jasmin. She knew that the only way I would consider a life with her again was if she was totally honest about everything. I was fairly practiced at recognising a liar but I had been blinded by my lust, my obsession and finally my love for her for many years.

I knew just about everything she had done that destroyed our lives. Apparently there was more. Jasmin's strategy was sound.

She might well be able to re-establish a relationship with me. It all depended on what she had to say, how it affected me (and her), how sincerely she wanted to be with me and what the heck she was into with these ex-friends of ours.

I decided to change my own tact. It was time to put her off balance, to surprise the truth of matters out of her. I would have once chance at a shock question, I thought.

"When was the first time you cheated on me?" I asked her quickly. My eyes were riveted to her expression.

"You mean after we married?" Jasmin clapped a hand over her mouth then. I think I heard a muffled, anguished, "no..."

Got you, I thought. At the same time though, I was devastated. "If you don't want me to throw you on the street right now and torch that mazda -with all of your clothes inside- you better tell me everything! Right from the beginning, right now! Every time you cheated on me, every time you lied at any time when we were together. Clear enough, Jasmin?"

It looked like she was trying to push her entire fist in her mouth. She was so distraught. I had never seen her like that before. She managed a nod and then unsteadily picked her coffee up.

Jasmin took several deep steadying breaths to help her to calm down. "I kept diaries," she reminded me.

"I know about your diaries, Jasmin. We are..." but I couldn't tell her that. "But when you let me read them I don't remember anything like the betrayal you've intimated."

She looked confused and I realised she didn't know what I meant. I had been writing for several years and it does broaden ones vocabulary. But Jasmin had barely finished her certificate course in marketing.

"There was nothing in your diaries about betraying me." She understood that well enough.

"Under the driver's seat," she said. "I wrote what happened in the other diary. I didn't betray you, it's just I couldn't stop it. Oh, Damien..." she trailed off.

I thought Jasmin was going to start crying again. But she didn't. She stared past me, out through the window into the night, remembering.

"You'll see. Take the diary. You'll see I didn't just write it down recently. You know I didn't use running writing, ah, cursive writing until you helped me. I wrote my feelings there so I could understand, so I could... oh I don't know what. Read it Damien. Everything I thought I shouldn't tell you is there. There are some things that might have put you in gaol if you knew and did something about it. But so you know nothing is kept back, read it all." Jasmin held her car key out to me.

Of course I took it. I may have been married to her but that didn't mean I knew how she thought. Jasmin had grown up in Australia but it seemed a quirk of her personality that she at times was quite Japanese. Many times over the years I needed to have ESP to figure out what she wasn't saying. And I knew that any confessions she might make would be torturous both for her to tell and for me to try and extract from her. Her other, normal diaries had been a very insightful read. She had said at the time I had asked to read them that she would be very embarrassed. In the end she did not deny me and allowed me easily enough to read them. Now to read something she had never intended that I see... I almost hurried out to her mazda.

As I felt under the driver's seat there was nothing but the electric motor for the seat. Getting my head down to the floor in front of the seat I had a good look under. There! Jasmin had used sticky tape (durex), lots of it, to keep a tattered looking diary wrapped in plastic and stuck to the seat. I would have used electrical tape to hide it but that wasn't something she thought of, typical of her. I found myself grinning as I pulled the sticky tape off.

Isn't it amazing how a little detail like loads of sticky tape can get you reminiscing about the funny little habits of a chick. I had to force the humour out of my mind. I took the diary, still wrapped in a plastic A4 sleeve, back into the house.

Jasmin was watching me. "Might I have a shower? I don't think you want me around while you read that."

I dropped the diary on the table. This was it, decision time. I tossed the mazda key to her.

"No promises, Jasmin. Take any of the spare bedrooms downstairs. I don't know if I'll let you stay long but you can tonight. If you want, there are bags in the small end room if you want to take some stuff from the car. If you haven't eaten dinner yet, you know where everything is. I'm going up to bed."

"Thank you, Damien." It was almost a murmur. "See you in the morning."

I picked up the diary and headed up the spiral stair from the breakfast room. Through the stairs I looked down at her just before I stepped up onto the landing. Damn, but she looked good. I couldn't believe she was back in our house. The question was wether I would permit her to remain. Was the answer in my hands? The diary felt both heavy and hot in my hands. It wasn't really that heavy. It was rather thin in fact. What it might contain felt like a ton weight to me.

Jasmin had been very frank in the diaries she had let me read. If this was as frank I was both wary and keenly curious to see what it was that she had never told me.

She looked up then and our eyes met. Yes, the connection was still there. I could see through the puffy eyes. Our souls were still intertwined. Surely (if you believe such things) there was a heavy history between us, mixing our souls in previous lives. Her smouldering gaze was drawing me in. I knew from our years together that she was probably getting wet then. Years ago that was all it took to turn each other on, a look.

Heart heavy, I tore my eyes from Jasmin's and took the remaining stairs to the landing. I waited there listening.

She knew of course. The floor upstairs creaked a bit and she hadn't heard any of that. I heard the chair downstairs slide back on the tiles.

"Never a night goes past," she said, "That I don't dream about you, Damien."

I heard her footsteps then, going around the table. If she had of come upstairs at that time I would have taken her straight to bed. But her footsteps receded into the kitchen and down the hall.

I left the landing and entered the extended master bedroom. After Jasmin had gone three years ago I had moved the computers and a couple of tables upstairs in the alcove beyond her dresser. I dropped her diary there. My hand was trembling.

Cursing myself for such weakness I took some deep breaths of my own to calm myself. Resolutely then I turned back to the landing, slid the glass door closed and latched it.

I would be both thankful and regretful for that later. I drew the drape across the door also, then sat down at the desk with her diary waiting, the current centre of my universe.

Absently I flicked the kettle on as I regarded the diary. I had eventually brought a kettle up stairs so I didn't have to take time away from the keyboard when I was writing.

I slipped the diary from the plastic and opened the tattered front board. The pages within were very high quality and pressed thin like Bible paper.

Although I very much wanted to I did not page through to the end. I flicked the pages through once and saw that she had written a great many.

The inside of the front board had old liquid paper obscuring something. Well I wanted to know everything so I went into the ensuite and took a spare razor blade. As carefully as I could I began to scratch the liquid paper off.

The writing beneath was faded and most of it came off with the powdery liquid paper. I had been careful though not to scratch the board.

With a soft pencil I rubbed across the cleaned area. What I eventually came up with was:

- (obscured) Jasmin, (obscured) hottest slut ever. The (obscured) piece of (several obscured words) fucked,

Rick-

Who the hell was Rick?

I turned the page. The writing I saw there was definitely Jasmin's and definitely the printing she was still using at eighteen. As I relate it here I am withholding only the dates. I will divide it into paragraphs, altering some of the grammar, adding quotations where needed and correcting some of the language. Jasmin wrote everything until after she showed me her diaries in a continuous block so there is a bit of work to do on it. Like everything else I have written here the names have also been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). Apologies for not cleaning it up too much, it would take too long. Jasmin wrote:

I can't believe what I've done. I'm writing this so I remember it always and make sure it never happens again. I have been keeping a diary since I came back from Japan. This one is much different though. No one but me will ever read this one. I would never be able to show my husband (please let that be Damien) this one. But he can see the normal diaries for sure. No one else will ever read my diaries, especially this one, until I am dead.

(That was a bit dramatic, I thought. I stopped and pondered her words through to a tragic conclusion. But the Jasmin I knew would never kill herself. She was never ingenuous with what she said and I knew she had every intention of seeing me again in the morning.

That also reminded me to phone work. I needed to be sick tomorrow so Jasmin and I could talk. That done, I returned to her diary.) Jasmin wrote:

I had sex today with Rick. It's only nine days since I was with Damien on the washing machine. It's David's fault. Or maybe it is my fault. If I gave Damien the photos instead of keeping them...

But I don't want that to be the first thing I write in this diary. Damien, Damien, Damien... He should be first in this diary.


Jasmin: Guilt Diary Ch. 01



(Next Jasmin went on and wrote about our first time together, in the laundry. Since I have already covered that I'll skip it in this part of the narrative.) After that, Jasmin wrote:

I wrote about that beautiful and very sexy time in my usual diary but it's right to write my first time at the start of you also I think. What will I call you? The Guilt Diary, yes that's what you are, the Diary of My Guilt.

And I suppose I have to write about this also. Even though it wasn't my fault. I should have done something. On the friday Damien was supposed to be back at work. Since mum had seen Damien respecting her wishes and not pushing her to let him take me out during the week when he had time off, mum was coming to like him better. Friday morning, Linda phoned saying that she, Gloria, Craig and Justin were going to Wet'n Wild. Mum said I could go when I asked her. I knew Gloria had a mobile with lots of credit so I asked Linda to phone Gloria and ask her to phone Damien's mobile and get him to meet us there. If I used the home phone mum would see Damien's number on the bill and I didn't want to get Linda in trouble with her mum either.

I knew Damien wanted to see me in a bikini. I've got three as the normal diary knows. I put the green string one on which I've never worn out before. Only the bikini bottom has a good white lining and you can't see my pussy when it's wet. But my nipples really stand out when it's wet. I tried it in the shower diary so I know. So I put it on. When Damien showed up he would love it. Over the top I put on some cut off jeans and a t-shirt.

It was a pretty hot day for March and none of us had college of course because of the holiday. Twenty minutes later Linda and Craig were knocking on the back door. I was so excited to see her. Craig waited downstairs and talked to David while I took Linda upstairs to share my news.

She squealed and laughed, really happy for me when I told her I had done it with Damien the day before. She wanted all the details. I didn't tell her everything except that she should try it on the washing machine. Linda's questions were coming so quick; was he good; did it hurt much; was he big; how long did we do it. I answered her quickly as well; yes; it hurt a bit at first but I did as she said and rolled my hips and it was just heaven after that; he filled me completely and sure felt big enough; we almost did it too long, I almost didn't have time to put some chess pieces on the board in the dining room like we just finished when mum came downstairs. Linda and me giggled like little girls.

Craig had an old panel van so it only had a front seat. It was ok though as it was like a lounge seat and three people could sit there. David came outside with us as we were leaving. He said, "Damien should have a shag'n wagon like that. You'd love it Jasmin. What will he say when I tell him you were in Craig's shag'n wagon?"

I told him he was a shit. Craig and Linda laughed. Linda went around the other side to get in and Craig let me in the driver's side to slide over to the middle. As I got in I felt his hand grab my bum and then slip down my thigh. I jumped in to get away. When I turned to see I could see a smirk on his face. David was nodding behind him. He said to Craig, "Told ya dude." I gave David the finger. Craig said to him, "We'll see." I was going to punch Craig in the arm when he got in but Linda was getting in then as well. I didn't want to tell her that her boyfriend of eight months had just grabbed me on the butt.

"We'll see?" Linda asked Craig. "What?"

Craig coughed, wound the window down and called to David, "We'll seeya later, dude."

Craig didn't try and touch me on the way out to Wet'n Wild. It took about an hour to get there. We had to wait for some road construction at one place. It was very hot in Craig's panel van as well. Of anyone I knew, only Damien's car had aircon. I was really looking forward to getting in the water.

In the car park we saw Justin's old sports car was already there. I think he's got a lancer. I wanted to wait in the car park for Damien but it was just too hot. We paid the money and went in. I'd been a couple of years before so I knew how much fun it was. First of all we looked around for the others. It was a big place and pretty hot though so after a while we decided to cool off first.

Then I remembered I had the green bikini on under my cut offs and shirt. I told the others I'd just watch them for a while; maybe look around for Gloria and Justin. Craig called me, "Chicken!" but Linda said it was ok. After maybe fifteen minutes I was too hot so I thought why not strip down to the bikini. I didn't have to get in the water or on any of the rides and I could wait with the towel over me.

Gloria and Justin found me then so Linda and Craig came out of the water to say hello. Both Craig and Justin were checking me out. I kept the towel hanging over my breasts. My nipples were too embarrassing without padding.

Gloria had phoned Damien earlier but his phone was, "Switched off or not in a mobile service area." She showed me a text message she sent to him after that. -Gloria here. Come Wet'n Wild + Jasmin 2day- Damien hadn't responded. I worried straight away that he had left his phone at home while he was at work.

Linda and Gloria told me not to worry. I could still have fun with them and it was true I supposed. Gloria said I should get some sunscreen cream on. I agreed and stepped over to a table under a shelter. I handed Gloria the bottle after putting some on my front. Justin saw my bikini covered breasts then but it couldn't be helped. He tried not to let me know he was looking but I saw him. Then he walked away behind, out into the sun with the others.

Gloria was doing my neck, my back and the backs of my legs. As she did my legs I felt her fingers brush against my pussy. The first time I didn't worry. But the second time was a definite feel. Her hand stayed there, rubbing me through my bikini crotch.

"What the hell," I said and turned my head. It wasn't Gloria it was Craig! She must have given the bottle straight to him. Gloria, Linda and Justin were across the other side of the walkway and in the line climbing up to go down one of the slides. Linda waved at me and then looked back forward as she followed on up the spiral. She couldn't see what Craig was doing because his body was in the way, bent over as he was. It looked like he was just doing my legs.

Nobody seemed to be paying any notice to Craig or me. He continued rubbing me through the bikini. I tried to turn and slap him. As I swung around, Craig shoved my tailbone with his finger and I stumbled forward off balance. My knee hit the bench seat and I fell over the table. Craig grabbed my arm and pulled me back. As I came off the table he twisted my arm behind my back. It hurt. His other hand returned to groping me.

I looked around. Surely someone would see what he was doing. Still no one seemed to be looking. There were people everywhere and all of them were apparently involved with their own fun.

"Ahhh, let me go," I said. "You're hurting me." I felt really embarrassed. I did see a mixed group of teenagers looking at us. They were walking past us to one of the pools. I should have called to them but I felt too embarrassed. Craig had some fingers curled over the bottom of my bikini by then. A couple of the guys pointed and laughed. I heard one of the girls say, "Slut," and I nearly cried.

Craig grinned and I felt him turn his hand over under me so his fingers could press against my flesh. "Should I call them over, Jasmin?" he hissed in my ear.

I didn't say anything. Then they were gone, jumping into the pool and laughing. From in the bright sunshine, especially in the glare of the pool it was probably hard to see clearly into the shade where we were.

Craig pushed against me from behind and I needed my other arm to hold me up from falling over the table. My legs were a little wider apart and he took immediate advantage before I could close them. One of his fingers entered me. "You're wet, you slut." 

It was true, I realised. But I hated what he was doing. I knew I was wet from thinking about Damien. "Leave me alone, Craig," I said. "I'll tell Linda."

He laughed. The bastard laughed at me. "Tell Linda what. She won't believe you. One look at this damp patch and she'll know you led me on." With that Craig used another finger and was pushing the bikini material into me.

I knew I had to get in the water. Then Craig would have no evidence. As for my breasts when the bikini was wet, well I wasn't worried about people looking at them at that moment.

"Listen, Jazz," said Craig conciliatorily. "Linda and I haven't done it for a while. Let me feel you for a while and we're quits."

How did he imagine I thought that was a reasonable thing for me to do, I wondered. He nearly wrenched my arm out of my shoulder socket though as he walked me around to the other side of the table. It was definitely more covered there, not fronting straight onto the concrete walkway. Craig pulled me down onto the seat that side and then sat next to me. At least his fingers were out of me now. The back of the shelter was behind us. I felt the bikini gusset leave my body as he pulled me alongside him.

Emotionally I was dazed I supposed. I never imagined that my friend's boyfriend would treat me like this. I felt tears drop to my cheeks. Craig's hand left my side and rubbed my back in a soothing fashion. His other hand rose to my face and I felt his finger wiping the moisture from my cheek. The apparent act of kindness stupefied me. I think I could have scrambled away from him then but I was still numb from what had happened on the other side of the table. And now the kindness, the evident contrition of Craig kept me there. I let him soothe my fears away.

I was alarmed at once when he pulled me up onto his lap. I felt his dick against my legs and then between them as he pulled me down. He must have gotten it out of his speedos while he sat there. Anyone could have seen him do it. Again, no one seemed to be especially looking our way. I was facing forward on top of him and in front of me was the table. A towel dropped on my waist. As I tried to stand, Craig's hands pulled my thighs apart. "David said you gave head to Damien like a pro. Well I'm gonna take your cherry, Jasmin," he hissed in my ear.

"Too late," I said. I shoved my elbow back. I felt it hit him somewhere. Craig gave a muffled cry and I thought, good.

"You fucking bitch," he squealed. "You broke my nose."

I was elated. Instead of getting away I thought I would hurt him again. Above the play, the yelling and screaming of just about everyone in Wet'n Wild having fun, no one looked our way to see what Craig was calling out about.

On the other hand I was so maliciously pleased. What Damien had shown me had worked. "You deserve -" I started to say and swung my other elbow back. Craig lunged against me and drove me into the table edge. My elbow hit the side of his head this time I think because he had a lump there later. But hitting the edge of the table, that drove the wind out of me.

The next thing I remember is Craig's hand on my bare arse, lifting me up. He must have undone the string of my bikini pants because they were gone. I felt Craig's dick against me. He shoved me against the table again and then his dick head was in my pussy. When I fell back against him he went all the way in.

"You are a slut," Craig said as he moved in me. He sounded disappointed. "Your brother thought you were a virgin. You're really tight but you ain't a virgin. What would mummy say?"

I couldn't say anything. I just cried silently as Craig held onto my hips. Every now and then I felt something wet on my back but it was the dick in me that had all my attention.

"Your cunt is great Jazz. I'll have to talk to Linda about a threesome with you. Squeeze my cock you slut. Work your cunt muscles on me."

Oh, is Craig gross or what? Calling breasts tits is not too bad. But cock and cunt, that's too much for me. But Craig did remind me then of something Linda had told me a while ago. It was a couple of months before actually that Linda had said she discovered something that really got Craig off. She told me that when she squeezed with her vaginal muscles he really groaned his pleasure and afterwards told her how good it had been. I thought it would get it over with more quickly. A young couple looked at me as they walked past.

I think they could see that there was something going on with me. My eyes were fluttering as Craig's dick in me caused the first stirrings of pleasure. But the young couple didn't stop. They walked on excitedly whispering to each other about what they had seen me doing.

Even though Craig was forcing me and I hated him I was starting to feel good. I even thought about that young fireman, Graham, who mum wanted me to date. I knew Graham wanted sex with me. As Craig pulled me against him and I felt how his dick was rubbing so quickly inside me I wondered how jealous Graham would be of Damien and now Craig.

Despite myself, I groaned in pleasure. I wanted it to end but I also wanted to cum. I concentrated on squeezing my pussy on Craig as Linda had told me. I don't know if it was much better for Craig. It was much better for me that's for sure. One of his hands slid up from my waist and over by bikini covered breast. His fingers felt under the cup. As he pulled on my nipple I was cumming. I slumped back against Craig as my hips writhed against him.

I heard Craig gasp then and I guess I had been doing what he wanted. "That's it. Yesss." His hand left my breast and returned to my hip, holding me in a bruising grip. Craig was cumming in me. I could feel it. I had sperm in me for the second time ever, two days running. Gosh he was disgusting. But making him cum almost set me off again.

Craig's hands on my hips let go as the last spasms of his dick subsided. I looked around and saw my bikini bottoms on the ground under the table. He leaned his weight against me then and we breathed out the last of our pleasure with me pressed down on the tabletop and Craig lying against my back. My hips were still moving as the last of the pleasure from him was still in me. I think as the last of these trembles left me I was bringing his dick to new life. Despite the lusty pleasure in me that was still the last thing I wanted to happen. The first time with him should never have happened. I managed to push up against Craig until he was sitting up. I slid off him then onto the seat, belatedly realising that the towel was in his grip. I think I flashed my pussy at several people watching us from across the path in a pool as I reached under the table for my bikini. But I didn't care then. My bikini pants weren't ripped, he'd had no need to. Undoing the string had obviously been easy enough. When I had them back on I stood up from the table. Craig was tucking his dick back in his pants under the towel.

"You have a small dick," I said spitefully, yanking my towel from him. I didn't know if that was true but he hadn't made me feel as good as Damien. For the first time since he forced me I looked at him. Craig's nose was bleeding. He had blood dripping from his chin onto his chest and speedos. Good, I thought, realising then that the wetness and now stickiness on my back was his blood.

"Your cunt is really sloppy, Jazz. I'll find a monster for you, don't worry." 

"Bastard. Arsehole," I said. "Don't come near me again." I dropped my towel on my shoulder, picked up my bag and moved away from him to the nearest pool. I dropped my things beside the diving pool I came to. Hopefully before anyone really noticed the blood on my back I had jumped straight in the water. A man on the high board was immediately yelling at me to get out of the pool so he could dive. I waved sorry to him and climbed out. At least the blood was gone. With my things I went straight to the nearest change room for a shower. I needed to get Craig's goo out of me. After the shower I put my clothes back on. The bikini I threw in the rubbish. I could never wear that again.

Well Damien never showed. I never went in the water again the rest of the day. The others just put my quietness down to disappointment that Damien never came. Craig explained his broken nose and sore head away as having fallen over while running. Linda was so sympathetic to the bastard I was nearly sick.

The problem for me was how to get home. I didn't have any money for a cab and had no idea of the bus routes in the west. The nearest train station was I don't know where. I couldn't travel with Justin and Gloria because the back seat of Justin's car was a massive stereo speaker. It was a dilemma.

When the others had had enough fun for the day I was grateful when Linda said she wanted to sit next to Craig. By then his eyes had started to go black. I hadn't known I hit him that hard. He deserved it though, the bastard. On the way home I sometimes glanced at his face. Linda caught me smiling before they dropped me off home and had a go at me, saying it wasn't funny. I agreed with her. But it was far less than he deserved.

Dear Diary of My Guilt

This I can't write in the other diary. It was six days since I gave Damien my virginity. He was over the previous night for dinner and it was wonderful. I told him I loved him and I do. I didn't tell him about what Craig did because I think Damien would kill him. And that would put him in gaol. I'm trying to forget that. The good normal bits with Damien and my normal life I have in the normal diary. You Diary of My Guilt are not for the good things, just the bad.

This sixth day I was up late because I didn't have college until after lunch. I looked for the photos under the lounge and they were gone. The packet and the negatives, the whole lot was gone. Mum didn't seem any the wiser, at least she didn't say anything out of the ordinary so at least she didn't have them. But that left David. I went to college.

When I came home in the afternoon I confronted David. He admitted to finding them, actually he said he saw me take them out the previous night after Damien had gone. I took them out for a look when I thought mum and David had gone to sleep. He had just come back to bed from the bathroom though and from his bedroom he saw me sneak down the stairs.

What did he want from me to get them back? Nothing. He wanted me to give one of his friends, Rick, a blowjob so he could get a toy from Rick. David's cheeks had coloured when he told me that so at least he knew it was wrong. It was also ludicrous. I laughed and said, "No way, forget it."

"Well I suppose mum will know what to do with these, then," he said and pulled the photo packet out of his jeans back pocket. I lunged for it but he shoved me out of his room, far stronger than me. "You'll do it or she gets them," he said.

I was crushed. "You really want me to do that? You want your sister to give your friend a blowjob so he will give you a toy?"

David nodded, even though his cheeks were flaming red now.

"No way," I said again. "Go and give them to her."

"Ok." David shoved me out of his doorway and ran down the stairs. Mum was in the kitchen getting dinner ready.

He was at the bottom of the stairs and around the corner to the lounge room before it occurred to me what it would mean if mum got the photos; Damien and I would be finished and Damien might lose his job. He had said as much a few days before. I couldn't let that happen to him.

(My note: I so much regret saying that to Jasmin now. My job would not have been in danger. I had said it just to try and get the photos, to avoid any situation like what she was now in. In the photos she and I were both consenting adults in the eyes of the law. As for the photos obviously being in my car there was no way to say from the photos that we had been in a public place so there was no provable offence. But I let her keep them. Jasmin said she loved looking at us in colour. She could get black and white photocopies at the newsagent but it wouldn't be the same. Jasmin said she loved seeing my dick in colour. She thought we looked so hot together and even liked seeing how wet her pussy was. So this Rick character and perhaps a lot more crap to follow may be partly my fault.) Jasmin wrote:




Jasmin: Guilt Diary Ch. 01



David was at the table with mum when I came to a running stop in the lounge room. "Ok," I said.

Mum looked at me oddly. "Ok what, honey?"

I didn't know what to say. David was handing her the photo packet. Damien and I were ruined. I slumped down in the lounge.

"You'll like these, mum," he said. "They are really great photos."

"Yes, they are," she agreed with him. "This one of the moon... what's that big hole, ah crater right? Yes, what's it named?" She was looking at his astronomy pics.

I couldn't believe it. And I suddenly felt sick. I rushed out of the lounge room and just made it to the toilet. Later that night after mum went to bed, David came downstairs to talk to me.

I agreed to do it. Not wasting any time, David took the phone in the dining room and phoned his friend. I sat there at the table while he told this Rick what I would do for Rick if Rick gave David this Thunderbird three. Then he handed the phone to me and said, "Talk to Rick."

As David pressed his ear to the other side of the phone I said hello to his friend, utterly defeated. What could I do? I couldn't tell anyone or ask anyone for help. I am so stupid for keeping those photos. Why didn't I give them to Damien before?

"So, Jasmin," Rick asked, "you're really gonna give me head so I'll trade thunderbird three to Dave?" He sounded older than David. He might even be older than me. Where did my brother meet this creep?

I nodded to Rick. Yes I know, I should have been born a blonde. David cupped his hand over the mouthpiece and said, "He can't see you stupid."

"Oh," I said. "Yeah Rick."

"Awesome, Jasmin. You're a right slut. Dave showed me your photo in the yearbook. You are one really hot girl, though I've never been interested in slope heads before. You've got lovely thick lips. I bet they're really soft to. It's gonna feel great blowing in your mouth. You know you look much more Japanese than your brothers. Are you sure you're not adopted?"

I didn't say anything to Rick's taunts. He had a funny accent, not quite Aussie. I knew he was testing me. Gloria had said once that some bad boys did things like that. It seemed Rick was one of these bad boys. I knew now why David had never brought this Rick to the house before. Mum would not have let him in.

"Well, when can we have you around to suck my cock?" Rick wondered out loud. "I know, Saturday night dad will be out chasing a piece of arse. Come over at four."

"Ok," I said.

I heard him say, "Awesome, you must be some slut," as I handed the phone back to David. David asked Rick if the trade was set and they talked for a while after that. David said yes that he would be with me. I would have laughed if he weren't talking about me. David said he would wait outside the bedroom to protect me.

Rick said something else to David and David's response was, "Will he? Ok then." Then he hung up.

"You shit," I said to David when he was off the phone. "I was going to see Damien Saturday night."

David laughed. "You still can, sis. Just be careful when you kiss him."

Saturday arvo came before I knew it. Damien had that and Sunday and Monday off. I told him I couldn't see him until seven pm Saturday as I wanted to make a good impression for mum by cleaning the house. So as not to be a liar I fully intended to do as much cleaning as possible before four pm. I also said to him I would try and get her to agree to let him stay the night. That was exciting for Damien. And for me. Even if we didn't get to sneak around and do something just sleeping under the same roof as him would keep me wet all night.

The bottom bunk in David's room is spare because my older brother, Alex, had moved out last year. Surely mum would let Damien sleep there. Then we could get an early start the next morning. We were planning a trip to the reptile park. So I just looked forward to Sunday and ignored the Saturday fast coming before it.

But the saturday arrived first of course. I began cleaning right after breakfast. I started to enjoy the cleaning I was doing because I wasn't watching the clock the whole day. I did dusting, washed the windows, mopped the tiles downstairs and started on the vacuuming upstairs.

When David came to me and said, "Better get ready. We have to leave at three," I was quite surprised. It was only two pm. David said that Rick lived at Regents Park so we needed a bus and a train to get there.

David was right about telling me to get ready. He knew it took me about an hour to get ready before I went out. I didn't feel like getting all dressed up for what I was going to do but I was going out in public and I certainly wouldn't do that in my baggy track pants and sloppy jo.

So I said to mum I would finish the vacuuming when I got back from visiting Linda. I didn't like lying to mum but it was getting to be a habit lately.

I left my hair in a pony tail with just some teasing of my front fringe where it hung in a few hair sprayed spikes over my forehead. I dressed in a plain white blouse and my light blue jeans with a tight belt. On my feet I just wore sneakers. For makeup I only used some eye liner so I was ready before three.

With nothing else to do we left to catch the bus. As it turned out I think the earlier bus was late. So we caught that bus which was before David had thought. That let us get a train twenty minutes earlier than we thought as well. So we were in Regents Park and knocking on Rick's front door more than a half hour early.

The house is a big one, much bigger than my terrace. It's a split level, two levels at the front and one middle level at the rear as the land rises in a hill under it. Out the front was a big double carport with a balcony from the second level on top of it.

It must have been Rick's dad that answered the door. He was in his forties I think. The man was big, barrel chested I think is the term. Had a bit of a beer gut as well. He had balding dark hair that made him look pretty wicked. He said hello to David, evidently knowing him. Then his little eyes looked me over from head to toe real slowly without saying anything. I felt like a piece of meat. What a creepy guy. He waved us inside.

In the lounge room he introduced himself as Ed. "You must be Rick's new girl, Jasmin, right?" Ed's accent was British.

I just nodded. Then he said, "I wondered why I hadn't seen you around before. When he said you were asian I thought he must have been embarrassed. He's never had a slope girl before. Neither have I for that matter. But you're a fine piece. Give us a kiss."

I was surprised as Ed took me by the shoulders and bent his head down to mine. At the last moment I managed to turn my head aside and his lips pressed against my cheek.

"No need to be shy, luv," he said. "Rick ain't jealous." He didn't let me go either, his big hands squeezing painfully into my shoulders. "Come on, let me taste them puffy lips."

I was frozen, like a roo in the headlights about to jump before a truck. Then his mouth was on mine. I think Ed liked seeing my eyes widen in fright as his tongue pressed against my lips.

Damien had taught me just where to knee someone in the groin and then stamp down on their shin to their feet. I wanted to do it but Ed was such a big man I was too frightened.

Ed's tongue was in my mouth then. Inside my head I was screaming at him to stop. It was in a way worse than being raped at Wet'n Wild by Craig. As Ed's tongue thrust around inside my mouth it felt much more personal. I knew tears were in my eyes but I didn't want them to fall. Ed watched my eyes.

Then he relinquished my mouth. But he didn't move his lips away. What he did next was just as horrible. He slurped his tongue up and over my nose. Then he let me go. I felt his spit all over my face. Yuk.

Ed laughed. He laughed so hard he nearly doubled over. David just stood there amazed at what the father of his friend just did to his sister. My tears had melted back into my head. I was mad, fuming at what he did to me.

"Ya should see yourself, luv," Ed said. "Don't pay it no heed. I kiss all of Rick's girls."

He tried to take my hand then. I shook free of his grasp. "Just tell Rick I'm here, could you?" I said. I reached in my handbag for a tissue to wipe my face.

Ed nodded. "Ok, lass. Don't go getting your knickers in a twist. Rick will be here in a jiff."

We waited in the lounge room while Ed went to tell his son we were there. I was shaking now. I hoped his dad left soon on his date.

"See," whispered David. "I said I would be here to protect you."

"Yeah, good on ya," I said. Lot of help my younger brother would be against that big man, I thought.

A few minutes later, Ed came back with this younger man. He was dark haired and large framed as well and had the same small eyes as Ed. Had to be Rick.

"Yeah dad," he was saying. "How'd you like my new girl, Jasmin?"

"Very much," said Ed and laughed. "You're one lucky lad with 'er." How I hated that man. And Rick didn't look to be much better.

But at least he didn't try and kiss me. He just took my arm and led me over to a two seater. "Sit over there, mate," he said to David, pointing at a single recliner.

Rick sat down next to me. "I'll get youse all a drink," said Ed. He didn't ask what we wanted to have and when he came back a few minutes later, Ed handed me a thin glass of red wine.

I had taken a drink before I realised. It was nice. I'm 18 so old enough to drink but my brother isn't. But I didn't need to worry as Ed gave David a small glass of coke.

I was about to ask for one as well when Ed said, "That's the last of the coke, lad. Sorry."

No way did I want to drink the wine. I'm hopeless on red wine. I guess my body is too small for it. But the wine was really nice, sweet and heavy. I was only used to cask wine which is normally pretty thin. Surely one glass would be ok. I would have to ask Damien about getting some next time we went to a restaurant.

Ed was behaving like a normal person. It seemed quite strange after forcing his mouth on me just a few minutes ago. He even said he would get us some food as he pushed a big disk into the laserdisc player.

While he was gone, Rick put his arm up on the lounge above me. "Don't even think about it," I said to him. "I'm not getting into anything with you. I have a very good boyfriend thanks very much."

"A crying shame," said Rick. "You shouldn't limit yourself just to one man. You're too hot to do that." He lowered his arm to my head, pushing me forward to get his arm on my shoulder. I glared at David.

David spoke. Finally, I thought. "Jasmin's right, Rick. Why don't we just get this over with?" I could see David's face had gone red again.

"Can't, mate." he explained. "Not while dad is still home. Since you're early he'll probably hang around a bit. That would be your fault, Jasmin. My dad has sure taken a like to ya."

More like a lick, I thought. I giggled, even though I still thought Ed was disgusting. David looked at me funny.

Ed came back in with some plates for all of us. On the plate he set on the coffee table there were biscuits and dip. On the plates he handed us individually there were some pork or chicken rice rolls. I was really surprised, it looked very good.

A benefit of have these individual plates was also that Rick had to take his hand from around my shoulders. I said, "Thank you, Ed." I think I might have even smiled. I know he smiled at me and it looked just like a friendly smile, not a dirty one. My glass was half full and he offered to top it off. Again I thanked him. Ed took my glass away and brought it back again, full.

I considered then what I was doing. I didn't want to be sitting there enjoying myself while Rick sat next to me anticipating my lips around his dick.

The movie that Ed put in their expensive laserdisc player was Alien. I had only seen the second one and that had been frightening enough. Obviously Rick had told his dad I was his girlfriend. I hoped I could pretend long enough for Ed to leave.

I ate one of the rice rolls. I thought the little bits of red in the rice was capsicum. But my mouth felt like it was on fire. I swallowed quickly before I disgraced myself by spitting the roll back out. God, was my throat upset with that decision? I felt like my head was going to blow apart.

Quickly I took a mouthful of the wine. I felt a bit better, except that there was a bit of kick to the wine also.

Rick was laughing at me. "I thought you would like chilli, Jasmin. Don't all the slopes like it?"

"Don't call me that," I snapped. "My father was Japanese, not slopenese!" I was so angry I took another rice roll without thinking. I had the whole of it in my mouth when I stopped just before biting. I bit just a piece off. Yes it was still very spicy but with the wine I was able to eat it without opening my mouth like a kissing fish.

"How do you like the Reserve Port, Jasmin?" asked Ed as he came back in the room. I told him it was very nice, though I had never hear of it and he refilled my glass.

After another two rice rolls and another glass of the nice port wine I felt like I was floating. I settled back to watch the movie.

"Mission accomplished," said Ed. I didn't know what he was talking about. I was not paying any attention to him. I think he said, "I'll see you later, kids." And then he was gone.

Not long after I couldn't eat any more of the rice rolls. They were just too spicy for me. As I leaned forward to get some biscuit and dip, Rick put his arm around my waist. "Don't do that," I said.

When he didn't move his arm, I didn't worry about it though. He wasn't doing any harm and he wasn't Craig.

On the tv an alien jumped out of some big egg onto this poor man's face. I jumped as well and let Rick stroke my back. I had to remind myself he wasn't Craig when he pulled me into his side. I think another little voice inside me was saying, "But he wants the same thing as Craig." But it was a quiet little voice and I wasn't listening then.

I watched a bit more of the movie then. Rick was stroking my hair most of the time. I don't know why but I just let him. Then the Alien jumped on top of Sigourney Weaver from Ghostbusters. I pressed back in the lounge before I realised the alien was dead already.

Rick got a free grope of my breasts before I realised. I pushed his hand away and laughed, knowing he must have been frustrated by my padded bra.

Then I saw that David had fallen asleep. How could that be? I wondered. I felt silly and knew I had drunk too much. Then I remembered why I was there. I pushed away from Rick and stood up. I nearly fell down straight away, tripping over the coffee table.

No matter how I shoved him I couldn't get David to wake up enough to stand. "You got that toy my brother wants?" I asked Rick.

"Sure," he said. "You want to go up to my room now?"

"Yeah," I said. And then, "No!"

"Which is it?" said Rick. "You want to do it here where your brother is?"

"Just show me where," I said. I stumbled after Rick as he walked from the lounge room. Then I let him hold me and help me up the stairs. His bedroom was big and he had a walk in robe also. The bedroom was on the front of the house. I even saw that he had a curtained glass door that opened on to the balcony. But the bed was not a single like mine. It was a king size heavy wooden posted bed with a rollover bar at the foot end.

In the corner was a desk with a computer on it. Next to the balcony door there was a video camera on a tripod. Ed must be rich to get Rick all this stuff, I thought.

"Where's the toy?" Rick showed me into the wardrobe. He had some shelves in there with a collection of odd looking planes and rockets with some strange vehicles as well.

"This one," he said, pointing one out. "Want to finish your drink before you blow me?" he asked as he led me to his bed.

Maybe it would be better I thought, if I finished my drink. It might make it easier. I drank from the glass Rick handed me and wondered when he had refilled my glass.

The port wine sure was thicker than I was used to and I said as much to Rick.

"You are stupid," he said. "Port is not wine." He took the empty glass from me, set it on his computer table and came back to stand in front of me. "Now you can take my pants off."

I reached for his belted trousers. He had to help me as I was pretty clumsy. When I dropped his trousers to his knees I was surprised to see he had no underwear on. His dick looked different from Damien's. I didn't know what Craig's looked like because I didn't look.

I'm shamed to say I reached for it. I said, "Are all dicks different?"

"Stupid slut," said Rick. "Yes, all cocks are different. I'm not cut either. Now suck me."

As I stroked his dick I saw the skin at the end start to recede. The head of his dick came out, red and getting hard. I let him push it into my mouth. Ricks hands rubbed through my hair. I felt him release my pony tail but I didn't care about that.

This was the second dick I had ever had in my mouth. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that it was Damien's dick. It tasted much the same and was just about the same size once it was fully erect. I swirled my tongue around this dick quite hungrily. 

I felt his hands hold onto the side of my head. Then he pulled me forward onto his dick. My illusion was smashed to a hundred pieces. Damien would never do this to me.

Rick, however, had no problem shoving his dick into my throat. I was gagging and choking immediately. Rick pulled my head off of himself until he was just in my mouth. I tried shoving away from him but he was too strong.

I felt some of my panic spray from my nose as he shoved back into my throat again. "Relax," he was coaxing me. "Just swallow me down." He pulled out and I dragged in a deep breath.

I complained I couldn't breathe. Rick rubbed my throat and repeated the same thing about swallowing him down. Then he pulled my face back onto him. "Your mouth is great, Jasmin. Just ease me down your throat. Instead of gagging, swallow."

I tried to do as he said because he seemed in no hurry to blow in my mouth. I wanted it over. "Yes," he encouraged me. "That's the way. Yes, Jasmin. I'm in your throat now. Breathe as I pull out then swallow me back down."

I was amazed after gagging and choking a bit that I was able to do it right. Next time I can do this with Damien. He'll love it.

Rick started to stroke in and out of my throat. I made a muffled, "umph," every time he went back in as I conquered the need to gag by swallowing.

"You're a great cocksucker, Jasmin" he said after a while. I felt his hands at my chest, opening my blouse. That made me realise he was not pulling my head onto his dick any longer. I was doing that myself.

I pulled his hands away from my chest. Pulling off his dick I said, "I'll show you my breasts after this for another one of the toys, ok?"

Rick nodded eagerly and left my chest alone. So I slid my mouth back down his dick. I was able to control the gagging reflex much better then. Maybe the port wine had relaxed my throat more, I don't know. But each time I lunged forward onto Rick's dick I took him right into my throat.

I felt so slutty as I was turning my head around on him. Then I felt his dick start to twitch in my mouth. I needed some air before I could swallow his cum so I tried to slide him out of my mouth.

But Rick grabbed my head, preventing me from pulling my mouth off of him. I panicked as he pulled me roughly against him. As his dick pressed back into my throat he was cumming, his jizz spraying everywhere in my mouth and throat.

I was choking, coughing and spluttering flem and his jizz out around his dick. As the choking fit really had me I knew his cum was in my nasal passages also. I think I passed out as I was desperately trying to push away from him.

I came around with a stinging pain in my cheek. I actually felt the next slap to my other cheek.




Jasmin: Guilt Diary Ch. 02



 (4th in the sequence of Jasmin)

I thank you readers for your patience and furthermore for your indulgence with the way I am telling our story. 'Our' of course refers to Jasmin and I. I started off our story with my current age of 36 and Jasmin at 31 when she arrived on my doorstep after a three year 'exile'.

Jasmin was in trouble with the arseholes she had taken up with three years ago that had caused me to throw her out and effectively end our marriage. And now she wanted to come back, saying various things like always thinking about me, how sorry she was and that she knew how wrong she had been. I knew also that she had been manipulated, possibly even blackmailed to a certain extent. That had happened to her in the past also when she let herself be pushed into a corner.

But none of that made much difference in my world. I have always been very black and white and found that whenever I had compromised my principles by allowing shades of grey that what I had compromised only invited more of the same behaviour. That had happened with Jasmin a few times. She said she finally realised the damage she had caused me and now wanted to fix things. She had also said that before, at 18.

To convince me of her sincerity now Jasmin had volunteered a diary she had kept from the age of 18. I knew of her regular diaries that she had kept since well before then but this secret diary she had kept hidden from me for all the years we were together. Jasmin said it told of every time that she had betrayed me.

Jasmin might believe that by allowing me to read it that she would be absolved of guilt. Well nothing is ever easy. Reading her diary that she had named, 'The Diary of My Guilt', was an incredible eye opener right from the inside board. There are confessions inside that I had no clue of and some that I do. I could not doubt the veracity of Jasmin's secret diary either, the descriptiveness inside was too authentic to be contrived.

When I came downstairs the first day after her return I learned from her why she had let me have the diary. "I have no secrets now, Damien," she said. "You will know everything, even the last three years away from you. I wrote everything in that book that I thought of as a betrayal of us, of you."

Before I had come downstairs I had learned where this Rick character fit in to everything and how he had come to 'dedicate' Jasmin's 'Diary of My Guilt'. Just as she was now, at the age of eighteen Jasmin had been in trouble. The difference then was that I thought she always told me about things. Of course I've cleaned up her writing, changed people's names and omitted dates the same as the first translation I submitted. Be assured though, sometimes truth is freaky.

I'm relating this part of our story from when Jasmin was 18 and I was 23. This was the start of the rot.

-- Eighteen-year-old Jasmin wrote: 

I have been unfaithful to Damien again over the last two days. I don't think it's my fault anymore though. I thought I might be able to tell Damien about it and that he could do something. He is a policeman after all. But if he knew what's been happening it would split us up for sure and I just can't lose him. I love him so much.

I feel sooo bad, dirty just like I've seen in movies. One thing though, I'm so glad now that I agreed with Damien that I should go on the pill. Everyone always wants to cum in me, it's like some kind of sick game to get a kid in me. They're so sick. I almost refuse to write down what happened but I will. I promised I will, that I would.

I want to write something good first before the bad stuff. It will make it easier to write that other stuff.

Really it started at the Italian restaurant. I wrote that in my diary not you, you're just a horrible book I wish never happened.

I didn't see Damien for ten days after that magic day at The Koala Park (author - ok I'll let Jasmin call it that, I still think it was a Reptile Park but I do admit her memory would have been much fresher than mine when she wrote this). Being with Damien in the car while we waited for the park to open... that was fantastic. I have never felt so in love, never so close to him. I know he felt the same. We saw inside each other and I knew we were always together. You'd never understand; you're such a bad book.

So on the Wednesday over a week later, Damien and I were going crazy with not seeing each other. I wrote some poems to but you're never going to hear any, you're such a dirty book.

I had an idea that I could see Damien by saying to mum I was going to Linda's after college. So Linda brought my new dress to college and I changed there before Damien picked me up. It was so great to see him after so long. When he smiles I feel like my heart will burst. And that smile is all for me. But this is not for you, horrible book.

Damien took me to a lovely Italian restaurant and also brought a bottle of costly red wine. And this is so beautiful I'm going to write it in you anyway.

After we had eaten the entrée and main and before desert, Damien went to one knee and asked me if I would marry him! I was breathless. The strange thing was that I felt like he had asked me that before, or that I expected him to ask me. There were a few people at other tables that stopped talking and just watched. It was embarrassing but I felt so loved. Damien had no care for anyone looking and I loved him for that too.

Of course I said, "Yes! Oh, yes!" I know that while I live at home mum will make it unbearable if she knows I am going to marry Damien. For some reason she is really set on getting me together with Graham. Just about every second or third day that Damien isn't visiting, she lets Graham come over for dinner and those nights I'm not allowed to go anywhere.

So, Damien made me so happy when he asked me to marry him. Some of the people watching wished us well. Others just smiled and went back to their own business. I think about moving to Bondi with Damien but it's too far to go to college. Plus if I do that I know mum will cut me off.

(author – How I wish Jasmin had been strong enough then to move to Bondi with me at that time. So much hurt would have been prevented at that time and also more recently as well.)

But if I went to Bondi with Damien I wouldn't have had to do what I've done. Too late now, he won't let me and I just can't. I just have to make sure Damien doesn't find out. I don't care anymore if mum knows but if Damien finds out he'll dump me. And that's where I will be, right on the rubbish heap with these scum that don't care about me or what I want. They just want to fuck me as much as they can.

So I accepted the ring Damien had for me but I asked him to keep it for me. I felt stupid doing that and I was afraid Damien would think I didn't like the ring. It's a beautiful ring. Other than mum's old ring I've never seen diamonds before. I saw this other woman in the restaurant nodding at me with a smile. She looked almost as happy as I was.

I'm not sure Damien understood about not telling anyone or about me leaving the ring with him. He was happy on the phone today though and he knew by my voice I was unhappy. I hope he believed me when I said I was not sad about anything to do with us.

Now about after the restaurant: Damien dropped me off three blocks from home, before he had to turn onto the riverfront road. Naturally it was dark then, maybe 8pm.

Mum expected me no later than 10pm so I was nice and early. I was hoping she would let Damien come over for dinner the next day.

-- Ed --

I was nearly home and had just walked past this big dark car when the window went down and I heard someone say, "Come here, Jasmin."

I couldn't believe it. It was Ed, Rick's dad. "What do you want?" But I stayed on the path, not stepping any closer to his car.

"Look at this Jasmin." He held a big glossy photo up at the window. I couldn't see it in the dark though. But I could see the big grin on Ed's face. He had a lighter in his other hand and when he lit it I could see the photo clear enough.

Ed was laughing a bit then. I didn't notice as my bag fall down my arm from my shoulder. All I could see was the big glossy photo dimly illuminated by Ed's lighter. It was me and Rick. The photo was taken from the side. Rick was holding me up, his face leering at my breasts and I had my legs wrapped around his middle. I was naked and I knew of course when this photo had been taken, when Rick had turned me on so much that I couldn't refuse him. I had to admit that yes, the photo was hot.

"Get in Jasmin," said Ed. "You need to do some negotiating."

I knew what he meant. Ed wanted sex with me to give me the photo. "No way. Never," I said. "I'm not getting in your car. Anyway, I have to go home. Mum's waiting."

"No, Jasmin. Mummy ain't waiting for you. Linda told her you're helping her get Craig home. Then you'll have to stay the night because the trains aren't safe that late. It seems mummy doesn't think she needs to go and pick you up from Craig's while you're with Linda. You remember Craig, don't you Jasmin? You broke his leg. He can't drive that shagg'n wagon of his until his leg heals. The idiot can't work either," Ed chuckled.

"You talked to Linda?" As I stepped off the path and closer to his car I could see the photo better. At first I thought that Ed must have saved some of the videotape from when I threw it in the toilet. But the photo was too clear. In it I had my eyes closed, my teeth biting my bottom lip. Rick's hands were pulling my hips so hard the muscles in his arms were clearly defined. There must have been a camera in the room as well, no videotape would be that good, surely. It also looked like the photo had been taken from above, like the camera was looking down into the room, with Rick's bed in the middle.

"Maybe," Ed said. "Maybe she's pissed with you for breaking her boyfriend's leg." Ed showed me a second photo. In it, Ed and Rick, facing away, were looking at Craig on the floor at the foot of Rick's bed with his leg broken. I was standing near Rick, facing the camera and still holding my leg up after kicking him. Linda knew that Damien had taught me a few things. She will know from the photo that I did that.

"You didn't show her that, did you?" I asked Ed. Linda is my best friend, even better than Gloria and I don't want her to see that photo that's for sure.

"Of course I haven't shown her yet. She won't see it if you get in the car and come with me now."

"No way," I said again. But I didn't see what choice I had. "Just give me the photos," I was almost pleading. Then I had the best idea. "Ed, give me all the photos or I'll tell the police."

Ed laughed at me. I knew straight away that he knew some way around the police. "Tell the police what, Jasmin? Tell them how you broke Craig's leg. We'll just talk here, Jasmin. Get in the car now!"

I looked around and there was a couple walking along the path. Neither Ed nor myself wanted anyone hearing what we were saying. And my idea was still better than Ed's so I decided to go around to the other seat. As I opened the door and sat on the seat (brown leather I think) I felt like I had already lost, that I was giving in.

The night had been just the best so far. Damien asked me to marry him and I said yes. It had been so great but now I felt really low, like in the gutter low. Ed started the car when I closed the door. "I'm not going anywhere with you, Ed. Don't you dare start driving."

"But you will go with me, Jasmin. I'm going to fuck you silly tonight." He was leering at me now.

"Nah ah," I smiled then. I had the upper hand for once. "Give me the photos or I tell the police the three of you were going to rape me."

He just laughed again, even harder than before. Ed tossed that photo to me. "What do you see, Jasmin? Do you see any of us attacking you? No. But you can tell that you've just busted Craig's leg. Rape you? Everyone has their clothes on, Jasmin. No one is attacking you. There is no sign of rape in this photo. All this photo shows is two witnesses in their own home seeing you breaking the leg of a friend of theirs."

My stomach felt like it was doing flip-flops. I didn't know what to say. I just looked at the photo trying to see something different from what Ed was saying. He is right though. It looks like I am the attacker.

Ed leaned over my side of the car then. I thought he was just going to take the photo back. Then when he reached past me I thought he was going to get my seatbelt and buckle me in. But instead his hands took a hold on my head and turned me to meet him. Ed's lips closed over mine.

I didn't kiss him back. But I didn't stop his tongue from invading my mouth either. I just sort of froze and let him do it. Ed's lips were pressing hard on my mouth. He sucked on my lips or in my mouth. I guess my tongue was relaxed because he sucked that into his mouth. Ed's tongue was all around my tongue, slithering all over me. And his lips just seemed to suck me into his mouth even further before I thought to keep my tongue in my own mouth. Ed bit my bottom lip before he let my head go.

I just sighed I think. Damien never kisses me roughly like that. I don't think I like it either but I did feel turned on. I didn't say anything. Even when Ed pulled the car out onto the road I just sat there staring at the photo. I still had it in my hands.

When I felt his hand on my leg I didn't do anything except drop the photo. I guess I really had known how this was going to go when I decided to get in his car. I should never have gotten in, even though he had the photos. I should just have gone home and phoned Damien. If I just told him everything that happened then Ed would have nothing. But I might not have Damien then.

"Put your seatbelt on, Jasmin," said Ed. His hand was at the top of my thigh by then. Before we left the restaurant I had changed from my dress back into my jeans so at least Ed was not feeling my bare leg. Not yet anyway…

I let my hands fall in my crotch. I knew he would fuck me soon but at least for a while I would keep his hands away from my pussy.

"That's it Jasmin," said Ed. "Undo your jeans."

I don't know how he could see anything. It's so dark in his car at night. But what was more amazing was that I was fiddling with my belt. Just like Ed told me, I pulled my belt free. His hand was rubbing my hip as I undid the button and then I started pulling my zipper down.

"Oh," I said out loud. I could smell myself. I'm sure Ed smelled my pussy as well. He would think I was hot for him. But I had been hot before I got to the restaurant with Damien. My wetness was because of Damien and now this pig would think it was for him.

"You're a slut, Jasmin. You just can't wait to get my cock in your cunt. A bona fide slut, you're so lucky to meet me."

I felt tears on my face at his words. I am not a slut. Sluts are bad girls. People at college call Gloria a slut. But she always says she chooses whom she has sex with, she doesn't just have sex with anybody.

I am not a slut. Ed is blackmailing me.

But in the car I was doing what he wanted. For some reason I couldn't stop it. It's like Linda said to me today at college, "You can't believe that good things happen to you, Jasmin. So you go out of your way to make sure bad things happen. Like what you are letting Ed do now."

In the car, Ed moved his hand from my hip to my tummy. I had a simple pullover on. Soon Ed was prodding at my breasts.

"Ha," he chuckled. "False advertising, Jasmin. You trying to make me believe you have bigger tits? How much padding have you got in there.

I felt humiliated. There was no way I was going to tell Ed why I wore so much padding in my bra. But even through the padding I could feel him pressing my breast, squeezing my nipple. It was like fire on my skin, like his fingers were scorching me even through the clothes.

"Take the jeans off. I want to see your cunt before we get home." Ed took his hand away from me then. I saw his hand clearly then for the first time. Ed had large hands and his fingers were thick and nobbly. He could probably hold both my hands in one of his.

I could have just sat there, uncompliant. Instead I slipped my black joggers off, lifted myself up and began pushing my jeans down. When I had one leg free the overhead light for my side of his car came on. Ed did it. I lift a hand to turn it off but Ed said, "Leave it on. I want to see your cunt, I said. Now, get rid of the panties as well."

I looked down. My new pink lace panties had stayed on. When I pushed my other leg out of my jeans I lifted my hips again so I could take my panties off easily.

"Give them here," said Ed. It was the only time I didn't do what he said that night. I put my panties in my jeans.

He didn't worry about it any more though. "What a tidy cunt," he observed. "Do you keep it brushed or something?"

I knew I was blushing. My whole body felt tense. I think my muscles were taut everywhere and I know my breathing was deeper. I thanked God that I still had my pullover on. Damien always said he loved watching my breasts when I was breathing like that.


The only thing I could do was pretend it wasn't happening, that I wasn't sitting in a virtual stranger's car showing him my pussy while the man I just told I would marry was on his way home. I closed my eyes. As for Ed's question about brushing myself, how could I answer that. No, I wouldn't tell him anything. Such personal details are for Damien only. I expected that Ed would return his hand to my leg.

But I gasped and opened my eyes to see when I did feel his hand again. Ed's hand had not been touching me while I took my jeans off. Then he returned it and was directly cupping my pussy. "Wow, your lips are as big as those on your face. Nice and puffy."

I could feel myself colouring now, knew that the heat in my face meant that it, my neck and chest were going a deep red. As Ed's fingers pressed along my labia I was getting more and more turned on. I felt so embarrassed at the same time though and seeing him turned toward me, watching me, made me so ashamed. Then one of his fingers pressed inside me. I think I fell back in the seat then. I closed my eyes again and let myself go limp as he played with my body. The tenseness left me and I just lay there and let him do it.

"You are so tight, Jasmin. I'm going to split you in half. Give me that hand," he said and taking his hand from my pussy, took my hand and placed it on his lap. "Feel the cock that's going to open you up tonight."

I wanted to pull my hand straight back to myself but he was pressing me down. I could definitely feel his hard on through his trousers. I opened my eyes and turned my head to see. The light was off on his side but I could still see a little. My hand was not in his crotch but rather on his hip. What I could feel under his trousers went from his crotch and across his side.

I'm sure Damien has the biggest dick out of Craig and Rick, the others that had fucked me until then. But Ed has a DICK, or rather a COCK, he would say. There was no way I could let him fuck me. Damien's dick already pressed against me inside when we did it and Ed is much bigger.

I didn't take my hand away though and knew that as soon as we arrived at Ed's house I would see his cock much closer. I couldn't believe the size of what I was feeling.

When Ed's hand and fingers returned to my pussy I realised that I was still rubbing along the length of him through his trousers, that he wasn't pressing my hand anymore. I pulled my hand away, feeling like my fingers were burning.

Ed laughed at me again as his finger curled inside me. I couldn't help moaning as his thumb rubbed my clitoris around. Seemingly of it's own volition my right leg pulled back flat until my knee lay over the handbrake. I put my left foot on the dash. I had spread myself open just as Ed wanted.




Jasmin: Guilt Diary Ch. 02



He pushed another finger in me. I remembered how big his fingers were and he made me gasp again.

"Incredible Jasmin. Your cunt is so tight. So wet as well." Ed was roughly pushing his hand against my pussy then. I didn't know what to do.

I knew I should hate what he was doing. But it was exciting. Ed's fingers in me were becoming forceful. Then I felt another one pushing in.

I couldn't stop my hips pushing down. Ed's thumb came off my pleasure centre and he was pushing his fingers in me much harder. I think I might have squealed, but I was in pleasure more than any pain.

I was cumming then, pushing against his hand. What I was doing was so dirty. I knew later I would be crying about betraying Damien like this. But as I felt Ed shove his fingers harder in me all I could do was grind myself against him. My hips shuddered and I was crying out.

He kept shoving his hand against me as I writhed on his seat. "Cor, Jasmin. You're such a wet mess now. Bit of a gusher you are."

I'm really sensitive when I orgasm and Ed just kept right on going shoving his fingers in me. It was too much. I tried to push his hand away but I couldn't budge him.

"Ahh, ahh, stoppp!" But Ed just ignored me. Then I felt another wave of pleasure, even more intense. It was all getting too much though.

The next thing I knew, the light was off, I was lying there without Ed touching me and my left foot was back on the floor. The car was going slower and then we were turning onto a driveway. We were at Ed's house. I remembered it from the other week.

Ed had some control like a video remote and we waited while the garage door went up. The windows behind the balcony over the garage were dark. Hopefully that meant Rick was not at home. The last thing I wanted was to see him again.

"Jasmin, be a dear and go and check the letterbox for me. I haven't been home today yet."

How strange I remember thinking. It was a such a mundane thing he was asking me to do, as if I was living there with him. That was something I was never going to do. But I started pulling my jeans on to go and do it. Maybe I was just numb, I don't know. Maybe Ed could have asked me to do anything right then and I would have.

He grabbed my arm and said, "No, Jasmin. You are not going to need anything covering you cunt while you are with me. Leave the jeans off."

"What?"

"And no panties either. Nothing at all," he demanded.

I argued with him about it. In the end Ed just yanked my jeans off my ankles and tossed them into the rear seat. My panties were still in the pocket.

"Now go!" he raised his voice at me. Angry, I shoved the door of his car open. It hit against the brick wall. Ed swore at me. I jumped out of the car and ran to the back of it before he could grab me.

"Sorry, sorry," I was saying. "I didn't mean it." The back of the car said that it was a Ltd Ford. I'd never heard of a Limited Ford before. It was probably expensive.

"That's going to cost you, Jasmin."

I apologised again. I'm thinking now though that I should have done much more to his car for what I have been through the last three days.

"Just go and check the mail, for fuck's sake, girl." Ed was out of the car then and had the boot open getting a couple of duffel bags out.

So with just my pullover on I headed out of the garage into the night. There was a tree, maybe a bottle brush, next to the driveway so I waited by it for a while. I couldn't see anyone on the street. After a car went past I didn't see any other traffic either.

I looked back into the garage. Ed was watching me. "Great legs, Jasmin. Go on," he said. "I'll wait right here."

"Yeah, good onya," I replied. But I started down the drive. I thought it would be better to run and get it over with as quickly as possible. The letterbox was off to one side of the front of the property, infront of a landscaped garden. There was a path along the garden from the letterbox to the front door. Only a few meters from the letterbox was a telepgraph pole. Just my luck, I thought, to have a light right above me.

I was pulling mightily on the pullover as I ran down the driveway. Most pullovers I had were nice and long. I had worn this shorter one because Damien likes looking at my bum and legs when I am in jeans. Actually he likes looking at me in anything I suppose.

I had a quick look along the street. Nobody was walking along. Then I darted across the garden to the letterbox.

I couldn't lift the top off it to see inside. I didn't know why it wouldn't budge then. Stupidly I bent over to look through the slot. It was dark inside of course and I couldn't see anything.

From across the road I heard a screen door close. "Hey, hey!" someone called. I guess they were getting a good look at my bum as I bent over that stupid letterbox. I didn't even turn to look. I ran back around the front and up the drive to the garage.


Ed caught me just inside and I let him hug me. I think I was shaking. Then I realised how I was letting him comfort me. One of Ed's hands had also gone down onto my bum. His fingers were just pushing between my legs when I pushed back from him. Without any more thought I slapped him. I don't know who was more shocked, Ed or me.

Ed looked at me for a moment and then his hand slapped me back. I nearly fell over but before I could do anything else, Ed picked me up and put me over his shoulder.

I must have been calling out because Ed smacked me hard on the arse and said, "That's enough of that. Stop it right now. Anyone hearing you squealing like that might call the police."

I was going to say, "Good," but then I remembered the photos he had. I shut up. I felt tears falling and through them and my long hair I couldn't see anything. Ed started out of the garage with me over his shoulder. He must have pressed some button because the garage door came down behind us.

I think I panicked more then. My pullover had fallen down, up I suppose, around my waist. Anyone outside now would see my nakedness clearly. I was waving my arms around trying to hit Ed and kicking with my legs. But none of it had any effect on him.

"Pipe down," he said. "I forgot you need a key for the letterbox." Then he was walking down the driveway.

I kept kicking. Ed stopped, maybe halfway down the drive and shoved his free hand against me. After a moment he had a finger in me and then he pushed really hard.

I think my legs went straight, rigid with the pain I felt as he twisted his hand around, his thumb cruelly digging into my tender flesh. He did it for maybe five seconds. At the end I squealed, I couldn't help it.

"Now," said Ed as he eased up on me a little. "Stop it. We're going to check the mail and then we're going inside."

He resumed walking down the drive then. I saw his bags on the ground behind us. Ed's free hand was still between my legs, one of his fingers still in me. I tried to keep still, knowing he was way too strong for me. And there was no way I wanted him to make good on any threats to show the photos of me around.

So I just hung onto his jacket around his stomach and let him carry me along.

"Whoa. Evening, Ed," said a man's voice.

"Evening, Carl," Ed replied. "Is it fixed already?"

We had stopped at the bottom of the drive. I couldn't believe that Ed was carrying on a conversation with this Carl while he held me over his shoulder in so exposed a way. But that is exactly what happened. Ed and Carl talked about the laserdisc player Ed owned. Carl had been fixing it and, seeing Ed's car come back had come over to see if Ed wanted to pick it up.

Then Ed said he would send me over in the morning to pay for the repair and pick it up. I was still in shock as they started talking about me.

"This the one in the photos you showed me?" asked Carl.

"Yes. What do you think?" Ed's finger was still moving in me.

I think I had my eyes closed in shame, though they couldn't see my face anyway. But it wasn't my face I was worried about. This Carl was no doubt standing right infront of Ed and watching Ed's finger work inside me.

"I think she looks even better in the flesh," he replied. "May I?"

I tensed up. I didn't hear Ed say anything. He must have nodded his head or winked or something though because then I felt another pair of hands on my legs. I should have thought to kick back. Carl would probably have been close enough. But I didn't think of it. I was frozen with fright.

"Silky," said Carl. "Oh," he exclaimed as he felt between my legs. "And very moist."

"Indeed," said Ed. "Feel this. You will love it," said Ed. I felt his finger leave me. Ed's hand stayed on the cheek of my bum though. Then Carl's hands were rubbing all over my bum and between my legs.

"Mmm, lovely," Carl agreed. His fingers slid up and down between my lips. My tenseness was unabated as I hung over Ed's shoulder. Were they really doing this to me on the edge of the street? It was surreal.

Then I felt Carl's finger penetrate me. I was really crying then. But Carl didn't stop. He soon had two fingers in me and was twisting them around. Ed's hand patted me on the bum.

"Here," said Ed, lowering me to the ground. "Let me introduce you two."

What?! Then I just wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. Ed held onto my hand as he set me down. With my other hand I kept a firm grip on my pullover. I wished so much it was one of my longer ones. Ed turned me around so I was facing Carl.

"Jasmin, this is my neighbour across the way, Carl." Ed lifted my arm up so Carl could shake my hand. And I shook his hand, feeling the fingers that had probably just been inside me.

"Hello," I said, stupidly. Carl stood a bit taller than the stocky Ed. He was also balding, maybe in his fifties.

"A pleasure to meet you, Jasmin," said Carl. "You're a beautiful woman. Your cunt is lovely as well."

I didn't say anything else. Was I supposed to thank him for saying that after what he was just doing to me?

Ed evidently thought I should. He took a hold of my arm again and squeezed my forearm quite forcefully. "Jasmin, thank Carl for complimenting you."

"Thanks Carl," I said obediently. "Nice of you to say." I felt like crying again.

Carl looked up from my legs then, just for a moment. His eyes were hard. I never thought I would see such a look of hatred. "That's ok. Only the truth," he said. "I've never felt slopehead cunt before. Your cunt is really juicy." The smile on his face then was quite a cold one.

I never thought I would be glad to have Ed standing with me. But I was then. I still don't know if Carl wants to bash my head in or just fuck me.

Ed twisted his hand on my forearm. "Well what do you say after Carl has said such nice things about you, Jasmin?"

"Thanks Carl," I said.

Definitely that was not enough for Ed. He pinched me on the underside of my forearm. It stung! "Jasmin, Carl said nice things about your cunt. Thank him for that."

"Ouch." I tried to get my arm free but Ed was too strong. I had heard comments about slopeheads for as long as I was going to school. Actually mum even said them at home from when I was young to get me and my brothers used to it, immune to it she said. So it wasn't hard to say what Ed wanted for that reason. It was hard because I felt humiliated. But I did it hoping he would let me go then.

"Thank you Carl for liking my pussy so much."

Still that was not good enough for Ed though. He was hurting my arm now. "You don't have a pussy, Jasmin. You're a slut. You have a cunt, got it?"

That was the first time I really understood the difference. Ed eased up the pressure on my arm then and I was able to twist it free. I didn't try to run though. Where could I run?

Ed asked again, "Got it, Jasmin?"

I nodded and he seemed satisfied. He grinned at least. I was determined not to say anything else though. Now it looked like they were playing a game with me. It was a game to humiliate me and I didn't want to play, that's for sure.

Carl just kept looking at my legs. He could only see to the top of my legs as I kept pulling the hem of my pullover down. I don't think he had really looked at my face at all except to humiliate me. Ed was looking at us. He chuckled eventually seeing that I wasn't talking.

I looked between them both. I felt so far out of my depth. These men were so much older than me. I have no real experience with older men. I only knew my father when I was little and Japanese are very much different to the men in Australia. I knew I was going to cry soon. I felt my lip trembling and was trying really hard not to let them see. Well Carl wouldn't have seen, he was just looking at my legs, hoping no doubt I would let my pullover go so he could see my pussy.

Ed gave me the key to the letterbox and told me to get his mail. Without even looking for anyone else around I walked past them to the letterbox. I found a lock on the other side of the lid. There had never been a chance for me to get it open. Ed had just set me up for Carl to watch me. And I had just let him do it to me. Some of my tears fell on the letterbox while I was fumbling around with the lock. Fortunately for me there was still no one else walking along the street.

When I had the mail in my hand I didn't go back to Ed and Carl at the driveway. A car had turned into the street. I ran up the path and went straight to the front door. Ed saw me. He finished talking to Carl and Carl walked back across the street. Ed came up the path and unlocked the front door. Before he would let me in he made me go and get his bags. I ran inside after that. I hope no one else saw me.

After Ed closed the door I realised my jeans were still in his car. What would I wear after?

When I was headed for the lounge room, Ed indicated I should go up the stairs. Immediately before the stairs there was a closed door in the wall.

"You bastard," I called Ed. "We could have come through from the garage that way."

He just laughed at me and then followed me upstairs. "Keep going to the top," he said at the rear level of the split level house.

At the top Ed pointed down the hall to the end. "You do have sensational legs, Jasmin. Carl agreed about that. And a gorgeous arse besides."

We walked past the doorway to Rick's bedroom. It was dark. Rick was definitely not home then. I stopped though to look in, wondering where the camera had been. I could only think that it must be in the ceiling, a secret camera. There was no way someone could have been on the balcony taking those photos. The angle was just too high for the top of the windows.

Ed pushed me along the hall. I was also wondering then how did Ed get the photos from a hidden camera in Rick's room. But I didn't put two and two together until later. I guess I was getting frightened as we came to Ed's bedroom. There was no way I wanted him to have me in his bed.

For a long while I have had the idea that the first man I was in bed with I would marry. No way did I want that to be Ed. He was older than my father. The closer I walked to Ed's bedroom the more worried I was getting. I suppose this conviction of mine to marry the first man I'm in bed with is pretty juvenile but it's how I feel.

Then we were inside. Ed closed the door behind us. His room was huge, bigger than his son's. Ed also had a balcony, a walk in wardrobe and an ensuite. Ed dropped his bags and pushed me to the bed.

I put my arms back and stopped myself from falling over the blanket roll at the base of the bed. He didn't have me on the bed yet. I'm sure it was a king size bed. When I nearly fell back onto it I looked into the recessed ceiling above the bed. There was a big mirror there. Oh boy.

Ed told me to wait there and went into the ensuite. I heard water running then. A bath? While he was there I looked around.

The dresser had some photos of Ed at dinner somewhere with a blonde woman. She looked maybe in her mid thirties, so about fifteen years younger than Ed. The two of them were smiling and looked happy. Ed looked no different than he is now so the photos were recent. Was she his girlfriend? Could I use that against him?

I dropped to my knees on the soft carpet and started looking through the drawers. Maybe I could find her address or phone number somewhere. Ed had a lot of personal stuff in his drawers. There was also personal stuff that a woman would have. So she was no stranger to Ed's bedroom. I felt sure I would find something. I started looking at all the little bits of paper in there. I found an address book in the bottom drawer. I shut the drawer as I looked through it. I hadn't found anything, not one name or number when Ed came back in the room. I didn't hear him come up behind me.

He didn't pick me up or shove me aside. All Ed did was take the little book with one hand and flick it aside somewhere while his other hand went straight between my legs.

"That's a new one, Jasmin," said Ed. "Nothing to find in there. Now about our deal."

I shut my eyes and lay down on the carpet in front of the dresser. Maybe I wouldn't have to get on the bed after all. I spread my legs. "I let you fuck me tonight and you give me the photos back. Right?"

"Something like that, lass. Open your eyes, Jasmin."

I did as he told me. Ed was standing between my legs. He was naked. He is a big man, probably three times my weight. Some of that weight was in his dick, or cock Ed would say. It hung half way down his thigh. I couldn't look anywhere else.

"I will give you all the photos before the night is over, Jasmin. But I have every confidence you will not go home until tomorrow afternoon."

Ed dropped to his knees then while I wondered what he meant. I don't know why but even as he pushed my knees further apart I was helping him. Ed's mouth dropped straight onto my pussy.

His tongue licked me from top to bottom, one long slow lick. I hate admitting that it was nice. Then he was nibbling on my lips, leaving my centre alone for a little while. I kept waiting for him to return to licking me. But he didn't. Ed started little nibbles on my other lip. The frustration was really getting to me. "Please..."

I couldn't believe I was begging for it. Ed just kept going on my lips. Then I felt his finger push back in me. I felt so ashamed pushing my hips against him. If I could have opened my legs any further then I would have, despite my shame.

"Please, Ed. Eat me..." I think I was crying then. I thought of how I must not be doing this, that I was betraying Damien. I felt another finger push inside me. Then Ed's face lifted a bit and his tongue was on my centre. I was lost.

Ed's tongue lashed me and I knew my juices were running. I felt him lick me round and round and side to side, then little jabs against me. I wanted to say how great it felt but I couldn't think straight. I know the sound of my ragged breathing and my moans were filling his room.

My body was out of control. I was writhing around as his tongue lathered me and Ed pushed a third finger in me. His other hand held my hips still, otherwise I think I would have lost his mouth on me.

I had no more tears in me. Ed was in control of my body now and I'm so ashamed that I was showing him I had plenty of other liquid. I just lay there and let him do what he wanted. I actually moaned in loss when Ed pulled his fingers out of me.

"Crickey, your cunt is glorious," Ed said, immediately spearing his tongue into me to replace his fingers. His fingers then started rubbing around my lips, past his face to my clit. Heaven.

I was convulsing on the floor. Ed kept going and the waves of pleasure just kept rolling through me. He must have been tonguing me for a half hour, maybe longer. He didn't seem to tire of it. I couldn't handle the pleasure anymore and I wanted more. I needed to be filled.

I felt so slutty when I sat up to push Ed's head away. "Oh, enough," I moaned. "Too much. Fuck me Ed. Fuck me now."




Jasmin: Guilt Diary Ch. 02



Ed stood up, pulling me to my feet also. He left me leaning back on the dresser while he went to the side of his bed and sat down. My eyes were riveted to his dick. It was not hanging anymore but sticking straight out, and even bigger than what I felt in the car. I couldn't help comparing it to Damien. It looked similar, just was bigger.

Ed's cock is not only the longest I have ever seen but it is thick and veiny as well. It couldn't fit in me, no way. But I stepped over in front of Ed anyway.

I reached for it as I remembered my resolution about being in bed with a man. But I determined that I could stay on the bed and wouldn't have to marry Ed. If I didn't get under the sheets it would be ok.

Ed's cock lifted a bit higher as I touched it. It looked so hard but still felt soft as I touched it.

Ed watched my hands starting to wank him. I couldn't get one hand around him. There really was no way he would fit in me. I found that the head of his cock is the softest part, nice and spongy.

"Suck it, Jasmin," he said. As I sank to my knees I was wondering how I could do that. His cock was up too high. I had to stand and bend over.

Ed moved back on the bed. "Come up here, slut. It'll be easier for you to blow me up here."

I looked up at the mirror ceiling. Ed was lying back now, watching me in the mirror. I suppose he was going to love watching in the mirror. But my gaze quickly went back to Ed's cock.

How much blood must be in it I wondered. I nearly laughed wondering if it made him light headed. It's funny the things you think of to distract yourself. But it worked. I didn't want Ed to fuck me anymore. Some of the excitement had left me.

Ed beckoned me to him. I was still standing next to the bed. "Come on," he said. "You know you want to get my cock in that sweet mouth of yours."

I did as he asked and climbed on the bed. Ed watched my face as I crawled over to him. It was a really big bed, must have been bigger than king size I think now. I realised he was watching my face because he couldn't see my breasts. I still had the pullover on. Damien was always looking quickly between my breasts and face when I was naked, his excitement at watching me also made me hotter.

With Ed, the look was hungry, like he wanted to eat me alive. I guess that a few minutes ago he had made a good effort to do so. I could feel myself blushing then.

Grasping Ed's cock in my hands I lowered my head down. My mouth opens pretty wide and I was able to take him in. I didn't lick Ed, I just wanted him to cum before I couldn't resist trying to get him inside me. I figured the sooner he was in my mouth the sooner I could get him to cum. I wanted something in my pussy but his cock was just too big. His fingers and tongue would have to do.

Ed put his hands on my head and urged me down on his cock. My mouth was quickly full of him and I saw that there was no way I could take all of him. Ed let me up before I gagged.

I wanted to swallow him down. I pressed my mouth back over him and sucked him in. But I couldn't get him in my throat. I tasted some precum from his head. Ed was bitter, not like Damien at all. I suppose he should be bitter. I should not like sucking Ed's cock. The bitterness just helps to make me feel cheaper, more like a slut. The problem is the cheaper I feel, the more slutty I have found myself feeling. The more slutty I feel the hotter I am and …

I turned around on the bed so I could get a better angle trying to swallow Ed. My body was next to him then. I moaned gratefully as Ed's fingers pushed inside me.

Before I took Ed's cock back in my mouth I licked all around his head. I was getting as much saliva as I could on him. I needed him to cum. No way could I take this cock in my pussy. It would tear me in half.

Ed's fingers were working me up. As I crouched at his side I moved my legs further apart to make it easier for him.

"Oh, what are you doing to me? Ohhh..." I was so hot. As I took him back in my mouth I was thinking I really needed a dick inside me.

Sucking on Ed's cock I knew if he didn't cum soon I was going to try and get him in me. The better angle helped. Ed's cock slid down my throat. But then he was lodged there. My lips were still a ways off his belly. There was some of his cock I couldn't take in my mouth.

I moved my mouth up and down on him. I heard Ed grown. At last, that was a good sign. Oh, but then he pushed another couple of fingers in me. I came, I couldn't help it.

As I was cumming my mouth slipped off Ed. I was choking and cumming too much to continue. Ed must have had four fingers in me. No wonder I felt so stretched. I could feel fingers inside me rubbing against the front of my pussy.

Safely removed from his cock I fell flat on the bed, only my slowly collapsing knees held my pussy up. Ed had not relented, his fingers were still rubbing inside me.

As another wave of pleasure caused me to moan again, Ed pushed his hand firmer into me. I felt his hand actually sliding into me. How could that be? I squealed and groaned but even then I was more in pleasure than pain. I felt him in me up to his thumb which was then rubbing all over my clitoris. My knees were flat on the bed by that time. I had no strength remaining to stay in any way upright. Ed was getting the moans continuously out of me.

"Come on Jasmin. Get my cock in your slutty cunt."

But I could only keep moaning and shuddering as his fingers and thumb kept working me over. I think Ed tried to force his thumb inside me then.

That was what finally motivated me to turn around. No way did I want him to put his whole hand in me. Ed tried to keep me there with his other hand. But he slid off my leg. I hadn't known until then how hot and sweaty and therefore slippery, that I was.

Turned around the other way again I still had Ed's massive erection right at my face. My pussy was on fire. I just so needed a dick in me that I had to try.

"That's my slut," Ed smirked as I straddled his thighs.

I thought I was done blushing. But his words caused another flush to go up my body. Ed was stroking my legs. Apart from my legs and pussy and an exploring kiss earlier on, Ed had left the rest of my body alone. "Why haven't you touched my tits?" I asked him.

Ed kept running his hands up and down my thighs. "When you want me to touch your little titties, you'll show them to me, Jasmin," he replied. "For now, fuck yourself on my cock."

How could he insult me and turn me on at the same time. It was all so confusing for me. I didn't want Ed to feel my breasts. I didn't want him to fuck me either but that is exactly what I was helping him to do.

I raised myself up on my knees and moved up over Ed's crotch. I wasn't high enough. His cock was too long for me to get over it. I had to crouch over him but the bed was too soft and I fell forward onto my knees again. Ed caught me and held me steady. My hair was hanging down over his face and chest. It made the hair on his chest seem even darker and the leer on his face seemed filthier.

I reached behind me to Ed's cock. I rubbed his head through my pussy lips and he felt so big. I felt so sluttish doing that that I had a small cum. I felt him against my opening and pushed a little. He was big. I was afraid but too heated to think about anything but feeling that cock inside me.

"Go on Jasmin," he urged me. "Back your slut cunt onto me. My cock is not as wide as my hand and that was just about in you just now."

"Bastard," I retorted. "You hurt me before. No way are you going inside me now." I moved to lift my leg off of Ed. His hands stopped me, holding my thighs. Ed pushed me a little and I felt his cock at my opening again. He pushed me a little further then and I felt his cock head lodge in my opening, spreading me.

Hearing my moan, Ed relaxed the pressure on my thighs. I could feel his cock twitching and that was driving me mad but he was neither pushing me onto him, nor was he lifting his hips to impale me.

I realised my eyes were shut. I opened them and saw Ed was watching me, waiting for me to fuck myself on him.

My breathing was deeper. Ed knew he had one and he smiled at me even before I moved.

"What have you done to me?" I asked him even knowing he would not answer. "Oh God," I groaned as I pushed back and his cock entered me. His cock was stretching me. The feeling was indescribable. I think if he had not have pushed his hand in me up to his thumb I wouldn't have been able to do it. Ed's cock was huge but not as wide as his hand, that's for sure.

I felt his length sliding into me. I thought Damien filled me completely but Ed filled me utterly.

Even before I felt Ed's cock hit my limit I was cumming hard. My pussy was convulsing all along his cock. The feelings Ed had let loose in me had me collapsing all over again. I couldn't help falling flat on him, my face next to Ed's face.

Ed groaned with me and he said, "Your cunt is so tight, Jasmin. Move down a bit more, control your fucking."

I did as he suggested. Oh, it felt sooo good. Never have I had such pleasure as when Ed is in me. I don't love him. Actually I think I hate him. But I love his cock and what it does to me.

I started moving on Ed's cock then, up and down along the length that he had in me. And I lost all control. I was moaning and squealing like a crazy woman. I think I nearly blinded Ed by whipping my hair around in his face as I tossed my head back and forth in ecstasy. Ed's cock was touching places in my pussy that sent wave after wave of pleasure rolling around in side me. And there was no release. The orgasm I was having just kept building and building. I was grinding myself down on Ed until the pain inside me from his cock against my cervix was too great to stand. Then I twisted my hips around on him like a spastic thing, shoving myself side to side on him.

Eventually I was moving so violently that I came off of him. I fell beside Ed and kept shuddering and shaking, my lungs gasping for air to fuel the moans that kept coming from me. I knew then why Ed had said before that after he gave me the photos he expected I would remain until the following afternoon. The way I felt then, full of lust, was that Ed owned me. I would do anything to keep him fucking me with that magnificent cock of his.

I was on my side shaking I think when Ed pushed me onto my back on his bed. My hair was across my face then and I couldn't see very clearly. I felt Ed moving on the bed though. Before he had remained quite still, letting me plunge up and down as far as I could on his glorious cock.

"Such a talented slut with the tightest cunt ever," Ed breathed. "You fucked yourself royally Jasmin. That was awesome. Would you like more of me in you now?" He was rubbing my legs, his hands slick in my sweat and, where he touched me on the inside of my thighs, slick with my juices. Then he swept the hair from my face. In the mirror above I could see my hair fanned out on the bed around me. It looked so hot and still I had the pullover on.

In answer to Ed's question I spread my legs, lifting one of them around him so he knelt right at my cunt. Yes I started thinking of my pussy as a cunt then. According to Ed, sluts have cunts and I surely felt sluttish. I wanted more of his cock for sure. No way did I ever want his cock out of my cunt.

Ed started pushing slowly back inside me. I gasped as he did so, feeling every part of his veiny cock as it slid back in me. "Oh, Ed," I moaned. "Fuck me and fuck me." I grabbed my pullover as I groaned to him and pulled it over my head. My black bra undid at the back but I had no coordination left to reach behind and undo it. The feeling of Ed's cock inside me just drives me nuts. So to give Ed all of me all I could do was pull my bra down under my tits and the straps off my shoulders.

"I'm all yours Ed. Suck my nipples if you want. Ahhh, twist them, bite me if you want. Just keep fucking me…"

In the mirror above I don't think I had ever seen my nipples as hard as they were then. Seeing all of me naked now, Ed was unable to keep his hands from my tits any longer.

"What lovely little titties you have Jasmin. And your nipples..." Now his hands did grasp my nipples and twist them. I gasped with this new pain. But the pleasure of his cock outweighed that pain. I just twisted my hands in the bed sheets and pulled on them. "Your nipples are awesome."

Ed lowered his head to my tits. Before his mouth closed over my right nipple he said, "These little titties and these nipples belong to me, Jasmin." Then he was sucking hard on my flesh. I winced and urged Ed to back off a bit. But he only sucked harder.

My hands clenched in the bed sheets. My feet also dug into the bed as I let Ed do what he wanted to me. I thought he was going to suck my nipple right off my body. When his mouth pulled off me my right nipple looked red and raw and much longer than my other nipple which was nevertheless also hard with my need.

Ed licked my left nipple and I thought he was going to treat it the same. But he gave it a stinging flick with his finger, otherwise left it and returned to my right nipple. I watched as Ed's tongue swirled around my aching, tortured bud. Then his mouth sucked my nipple back in. He was every bit as rough as he had been before.

I never knew pain and pleasure like that. I couldn't hold onto the bed sheets any long and let my arms clench around his torso. I think my nails must have clawed Ed's back then. At least there were marks on him later. When he finally released my nipple I could only gasp and lie there quiescent.

"Yes," I surrendered my body to him. "I'm yours."

Ed bit me then. The pain was excruciating and I squealed! Boy did I squeal. As I writhed under him I saw it in the mirror above. Even through the pain it looked and felt so erotic that I was cumming again. Ed was moving inside me and his hands moved down from my shoulders to grip my hips.

The pleasure was so great I couldn't help my body shuddering under him. I could see a triumphant smirking expression on Ed's face as he moved side to side inside me, holding me still so I could feel him all the better. Seeing the total disregard that he held me in made me feel dirty and worthless. I'm shamed to say that just made me cum harder.

I remember that again and again I encouraged him, "Yes! Keep fucking me. Don't stop!"

Then I felt raw pain as Ed thrust harder inside me. Feeling the tenseness of my body under his hands and seeing the grimace on my face caused him to stop. Ed held me still under him however, so I couldn't try and back off out from under him.

I looked down between our bodies. More of Ed was inside me. I never imagined I would see such a thing as the hard shaft of the big cock joining my body to his.

"You can't take it, Jasmin," he taunted me. "You're little cunt is not good enough for my cock."

"Ahhh, I can. I can take your cock, just-"

Ed shoved inside me then before I finished speaking. The agony was so intense this time that I couldn't scream for a moment. I felt stunned. When I had a lungful of air though I certainly made up for that silent pain. My legs struck out straight from his sides and were shaking for ages. Ed paused again inside me, waiting for me to stop moaning. I tried to push out from under him but he wouldn't let me.

I looked between us again and Ed still wasn't all inside me. "Ed. Wait please," I gasped. "I want all of you in me. I do want to do it. Just go slower, please. Ok?"

He nodded. There was an odd look on Ed's face then. Thinking about it now I would say he looked interested but he only clued me in later.

"Your cunt is so tight, Jasmin. Makes it hard to wait. But ok, you think you can take all of my cock, we'll go slow." Ed's hands left my hips and returned to my breasts. He started playing with my nipples. That combined with the monster nudging slowly back and forth inside me kept me continually on the edge of orgasm.

Good as his word now, Ed just kept up playing with my body, keeping the pleasure rolling through me. The cruel smirk never left his face as he watched my body, occasionally locking eye contact with me. That look on his face just made me so much hotter. Something must surely be wrong with me to think like that. Maybe it was just lust. Maybe Ed was giving me so much pleasure that I would do anything, no matter what he thought about me, no matter how he treated me. But he is probably right with what he says about me.

I must be a slut.

Damien would never forgive me. If he ever found out that within two hours of me agreeing to marry him that I was having sex with someone else he would never speak to me again.

Ed could see that I wanted all of him in me. There was maybe two inches of him still outside me. Every now and then he pushed firmly inside me. There was no pain then, it was limited to a continual discomfit.

I tried to control my breathing and accept more of Ed's cock in me. I couldn't let him do it though. When Ed pushed too much the discomfit became pain.

"It hurts too much."

"Just a little more, Jasmin." Ed took a hand from my breast. He pulled out of me slightly and took my left nipple into his mouth. My nipples are so sensitive. This time Ed did not suck so hard. He used his tongue more and his fingers started playing with my clit.

Soon I was writhing about again. Ed found it hard to keep inside me and had to use both of his hands to hold my hips.

When I was cumming again he released my nipple and slid back inside me. The feel of his cock as it presses through my cunt lips is sooo nice. I was still cumming when his cock was back inside as far as he had been. The discomfit returned but through the pleasure Ed was able to press forward.

I felt a blissful pain when at the last his pelvis was finally pressed against mine. From the mirror above I could see the cheeks of Ed's arse clenching as he pushed inside me. Each push brought me both pleasure and pain. He was so far inside me that his big cock must have rearranged my internal organs. I wondered if Ed could kill me by fucking me. Just the thought of it as I watched his arse clenching with the need to shove him further and further inside had me cumming as much as the feel of him so far in me did. As I was cumming again I looked between us. We were joined completely.

I lifted my hips in time with his pushes. Ed was looking down on me with a mixture of lust and disdain. "What a great cunt you have. Ahh," he grunted as he pushed back and forth in me. "Only one other slut has ever taken me all the way."

Ed was breathing hard then. I knew that usually meant a man would be cumming soon.

The situation and seeing him moving on me was too much. I grinded my cunt against Ed to try and get him to cum in me, to cum with me. But he held out longer than me.

I was cumming beneath him, writhing around like a spastic, biting my lip; my eyes rolled back I think before Ed started to cum. Ed kept driving around and side-to-side mostly with the occasional shove into me as I rode out my orgasm.

He pulled halfway back then and lunged forward into me. Whatever he had done inside me before to make room enough for his cock seemed to accommodate him more easily now. I felt some discomfit as he drove back into me but the pleasure was far greater.

He did that again and again, pulling most of the way out of me and then lunging back up me. I was just having one continuous orgasm.

I thought Ed looked away momentarily and then his hand clamped over my mouth to keep me quiet. I did my best then to stay quiet for him but it was hard. His cock owns me it feels sooo good.

I didn't think his wonderful thrusting inside me was ever going to end. But Ed's breathing all of a sudden became ragged. I tried folding my legs behind his back and holding him as far inside me as I could. Feeling his sperm shoot that far inside me would surely be wonderful.