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The Failed Nurse

By: CleoRa



Note: From the files of Cleo: #305-2014

*****

I'm a 29 year-old woman, married for eight years. After years of living with my guilt I've now been in counseling for almost a year, and I hope the healing process is working. I know readers will condemn me for what I am about to write here, but that's okay. Maybe I need that as part of the healing process. I won't try to sugar-coat this or spare myself in any way for my actions. They are despicable and reprehensible in every respect. I am not a great writer so I am having help in writing this. What hurts the most is my having to re-live every detail all over again. Here goes.

I've always wanted to be a nurse. In high school I worked as a "candy-striper" at a local hospital, and then went to school to become a nurse. It was there after my second year that I met my husband whom I'll call Rick. Rick is a doctor. He mostly travels all over the world for weeks at a time, holding seminars and giving instruction on a new device he's perfected. He is well-known in most of the hospitals so I won't name the city we live - or the device - for that might identify him. Like his dad who worked in construction before a debilitating illness, he makes a lot of money and we live comfortably.

Four years ago my father, a heavy drinker at the time, suffered a head injury that causes him to lapse into a coma-like condition for days at a time, with no warning. Otherwise, he is normal and relatively healthy. He was a widower and his life-style of drinking and a constant bevy of young women hanging around didn't set well with either Rick or me. The illness was instrumental in him selling his business and retiring, which resulted in him being greatly depressed and made us fearful for his well-being. At first, he paid an attendant to take care of him while he was suffering from an attack, but he is a difficult patient - read that as "over-sexed" - and after firing a dozen young nurses, it was difficult to find replacements. Rick suggested that his dad, whom I'll call Cal, live with us and that I quit my job at the hospital and take care of him full-time. We have a large house and while I argued at first, over-all, it seemed the best solution. 

Cal is a big, rough man with minimal education who is what most folks would call a "self-made" man. He didn't get there by being timid and I've heard stories of his ruthless business dealings for years. My husband Rick is about five-eleven, one hundred eighty pounds. Cal is six-foot-four, two-fifty, so all of us knew taking care of him wouldn't be easy. The three of us sit down and discussed it, Cal promising to be a "lamb" and do exactly what I told him. Rick took him aside and emphasized that any undue "touching" would be grounds for the agreement to terminate. I finally agreed to try the arrangement for a few months with the option I could stop at any time I wanted to. Cal kept his word and things seemed to be working out. 

To those who don't know, coma is a state of unconsciousness where the person is not responsive. The doctors said it was a result of brain trauma due to the injury he suffered, exasperated by excessive alcohol abuse and low sugar. I've discovered that while comas can be permanent, they often last only a few weeks. We had high hopes that Cal's condition would eventually turn around. The first few weeks were encouraging. 

The first time Cal had an episode, it was total disaster. I found him, unresponsive, sitting in a chair in his room. He had soiled himself. While not new to such things because of my nursing experience, I still had to hire off-duty medics to assist me getting him into bed and cleaning him up, because he was just too heavy to move. Since then I've come to recognize his approaching episodes and take steps to be proactive. When I saw he was becoming depressed, a precursor to an attack, I would strictly control his diet, get him to thoroughly shower, and guide him to bed. Since his comas only lasted for one or two days, that helped with having to move him later, plus solved the incontinence problem. To be honest, he was a much bigger problem when awake then in a coma. At least I didn't have to bathe him then. As for his promise, Cal was the perfect gentleman.

Now, for my problem. I am a highly sexual person and Rick isn't. Our sex-life was not all that great. His being away so much didn't improve the situation either. Rick knew this and he bought me a "toy" to help out while he was gone, but it wasn't the same. Then Cal's episodes increased in length, the comas lasting longer, three to five days. I administered his drugs and hooked up his IV each time and bathed him. The first time I decided to bathe him was really no big deal. After all, I was a nurse. I discretely covered his genitals with a small towel, got a warm soapy pan of water and a wash cloth. I washed his craggy face, his chest and arm-pits, feet and legs, and then started washing under the towel, jerking my hand back as though burned.

What I had touched shocked me! Suddenly, my heart was pounding a mile a minute, my hands shaking as I stared down at the towel. Nobody's soft penis could possibly be that large. It'd felt like an arm! Okay, I hadn't had sex in a week and the last time I did was totally unsatisfactory, but that doesn't excuse what happened next. I watched my trembling hand snaking out toward the towel as though it were a stranger's, grasping it and slowly pulling it away. I'd bathed a lot of men and women as a nurse, but I'd never seen something like that! 

After I started my therapy, Cleo would tell me many women have "big cock" fascinations, but that had never been me. I'd had four sex partners before marrying Rick and as far as I knew, their penises could've been cut from the same cookie-cutter. In fact, I'd only glimpsed a couple cocks before Rick, all about the same. Most of the young guys only wanted to hop on, pop a nut, and go get a burger and a beer. I also had only given oral sex once before Rick, and nearly gagging when the guy flooded my mouth. I thought I'd be sick. Even my vibrator was average sized. This thing of Cal's though, was gigantic! Like a huge soft snake lying across Cal's thigh, thick blue veins crisscrossing it. I realized my mouth was dry as I just stared at it for a long time, before I saw my rebellious hand reach out and touch it. 

It felt like a huge piece of velvet, warm and soft. It was the first uncircumcised cock I'd ever seen too. Must be the age difference, most guys probably have it done now. Rick did. Cotton filling my mouth I lifted its heft, watched it bend in the middle, draping over my small hand. I slowly moved my hand down, pulling the foreskin back to reveal a large spongy helmet, covering it again, and then exposing it again. My heart was going a mile a minute, pounding like a jack-hammer inside my chest. Then, I felt the cock surge a little in my hand. 

Horrified, I looked at Cal's face. His eyes were closed and he hadn't moved. It was plain to see he was still inside his coma, but unaccountably, his cock was filling with blood! I felt it stiffening in my hand! Staring at his face, I worked my hand slowly up and down the horse-sized cock as it grew more ridged. I felt as if my heart would explode from my chest! Convinced he was out of it, I looked back at his cock and saw it was nearly twice as large as it had been while soft. I cupped his large hairy nuts and kept stroking it, slowly pulling the foreskin back and forth over the huge crown. I did this for about twenty minutes until it began noticeably throbbing. My fingers found my wet vagina and I almost came just touching the lips. He suddenly shot a stream of semen two feet in the air, some of it landing in my hair.

That's when I had a hard, shuddering climax, watching as Cal pumped load after load of thick cum out of that large pee-hole, feeling gob-after-gob of it slide over my knuckles,. It seemed it would never stop. I came almost as long and hard as Cal did, gasping and moaning with delight. Once it was over, I was instantly ashamed, eaten-up with guilt for what I'd just done. I was a nurse for god's sake! I continued to wallow in my own shame as I cleaned the cum off Cal's belly and changed his sheets. Then I went to take a shower and wash Cal's cum out of my hair. 

I hesitated only a moment, but finally took my battery-powered vibrator into the shower with me. After soaping-up good, I placed it between my legs and thought about the huge appendage I'd just held as I had another mind-blowing climax. Totally exhausted, I finished my shower and took a long nap. 

The next day, the first thing I thought about was Cal's cock. As I did my chores, it just kept floating before my eyes like a bad mirage, causing me to drop stuff, knock other things over. I was a wreck as the time for Cal's daily bath rolled around, making up my mind that he could probably wait for one more day. My mind a blank, I gathered up the pan of warm water and a wash cloth, suddenly standing outside Cal's bedroom door. With resolve, I opened the door and went in. Cal hadn't moved from yesterday when I'd turned him over before I departed so he wouldn't get bed-sores. I flipped him onto his back and his big cock flopped with him. I wasn't going to do this, I pledged. I'd been weak, a fucking pervert. I'd do what I came for, and leave. No touching. The problem was, my difficulty in breathing had returned when I saw that magnificent dick! I wanted to touch it so badly. 

Keeping my eyes adverted I washed his face, chest, feet and legs. I had finally come to a decision point. Did I act like an adult and wash his genitals, or just leave? I slowly raised my eye level and saw that his cock seemed more inflated today then it appeared the previous day, causing my mouth to grow dry again. You - are - a - nurse, I reminded myself as I reached out and grasped it firmly in my hand. Don't - do - this! I slowly stroked it, feeling it inflate even more and then grow solid under my fingers. I couldn't stop, feeling it throb, moving in my hand - soft but hard, warm and comfortable, something I had to have. 

I leaned down and did something I thought I hated; I licked the tip of it, feeling it jerk a little. I did it again, then threw inhibitions to the wind and just started licking it like an ice cream cone all over. The small hole leaked a little and I lapped that up, tasting like ambrosia on my tongue. I took the large spongy crown inside my mouth, savoring it, in heaven. I made love to it with my mouth, taking my time, wanting it to last. I forced it deep into my mouth, gagging, and was finally able to get it past my throat's opening. I would never be able to swallow the entire thing, but I wanted to. 

I ran my tongue down it to the base, then lower, nibbling his balls, feeling them draw up, lifting them to lick lower. I was enraptured, over the edge. I didn't think of the consequence of my actions, the ensuing guilt I'd feel later. This wonderful thing I had inside my mouth was all that mattered at the moment. I forced my mouth down on it and held it there, tying not to suffocate as I breathed through my nose. When he came it took me by surprise. I gagged, swallowing to keep from strangling, and then I was trying to get it all - every drop. It was like ambrosia to me. 

When the steady stream ceased I let my heart slow as I gently licked and sucked all the seepage from the tiny hole, watching his stiffness deflating. I was still so excited I was noticeably trembling head to foot. I looked up at Cal and he was still out. Then I cleaned him up with the washcloth and went into the shower with my vibrator again, guilt eating away at me. The next morning I heard Cal whistling as he sat on the patio drinking coffee. He was back.

Cal had no memory of what I'd done of course, but I went out of my way to do things for him, treating him with more kindness out of guilt, I suppose. Rick came home for a while and I tried staying occupied so not to think about what I'd done, but also because Cal's big cock entered my mind every time I was around him. Knowing Cal's past, I suppose he'd have ravaged me with or without my permission if he'd known. In my mind, both of us knowing about it would make this act even more incestuous and depraved than it already was. I made up my mind I'd never do it again, no matter what. My resolve lasted until about a month later when Cal had another episode while Rick was out of town again. 

Yeah, I went through all the same depreciating and self-chastising I'd done before, but it had little effect. In the end, I was sucking his cock like I was starving for it. In a way, I guess I had been. I knew this time I was going to go as far as I could, and promised after that I'd never do it again. Licking up its length for a final time I reluctantly slid my lips off the crown, and squatted over him. As I lifted up directly over his tower of meat I closed my eyes, holding the head of his cock against the opening of my vagina. I had never been so wet! I slid around on it for a minute, knowing it would hurt but determined to go through with it now that I'd made up my mind. I slowly lowed myself, feeling the stretching and burning of friction as I forced the large rubbery head inside me. After a long time of time trying, I finally felt it pop inside. 

I just held it there for a moment, but my legs were growing weak and I was trembling so badly I could barely hold myself upright. More quickly than I wanted to because my legs were giving out, I sank down on it, crying out in pain - then in wonderment. I'd done it! I was sitting on Cal's stomach, his huge cock inside me. The feeling was such I almost cried, as I sat and savored the sensation of the large helmet pressing against my cervix, stretching my vagina walls as nothing ever had before. I was completely in charge of how long I could last and I loved that feeling.

At last I started riding it like a big horse, lifting off to come crashing back down, moaning and crying out with both pain and immeasurable joy as I took my pleasure with total disregard for anyone else's. At the very last, I was lifting up and then free-falling back down mindlessly, when I felt his eruption deep inside me. Then I came . . . and came and came. I'd never had a climax such as this, an endless eruption that shook me to my core. Afterward, I was so depleted I couldn't move for five minutes, just sitting there with hair hanging down in my eyes, trying to get my runaway heart to slow down. 

I finally lifted myself off his half-hard cock and fell beside him on the bed, staring in awe at the huge soft creature lying against Cal's leg, wondering how I could've possibly gotten all that inside me. Impulsively, I leaned over and sucked the leaking fluid from its tip, then cleaned our combined fluids as I swallowed the entire length. I was insatiable. I almost smiled as I thought, Cal, if you only knew what I had just done for you. I cleaned him up, took a shower and slept for several hours. 

I'd like to say I realized how awful I was acting, and reformed, but no, that was not to be my last time. My need only grew worse the more I did it, and I just couldn't seem to leave it alone. I lived with my guilt for nearly a year, eventually trying out everything sexually a woman can do with a man. Writing this, even now, has proven to be an ordeal for me. Remembering my deceit, lack of morality, and abhorrent behavior, has created depression again. I'll stop for now and maybe write more about it later if I can get Cleo to assist me. Thanks for being my sounding board. Please try not to be too cruel in your assessment of my activities. I already hate myself enough. What more can I do?

The Failed Nurse Ch. 02



Well, after initially refusing to continue further sharing my disgrace with the outside world, here I am again going through Cleo's file to refresh my memory (although it could not be clearer if it'd happened yesterday.) One thing glares at me as I do. How could anyone fall so low in such a short period of time? Yes, I took care of a semi-comatose patient for months, taking sexual advantage of him at every opportunity. In the process, I became completely addicted to my behavior - and my pleasure. So, I guess I can continue, now that I have that part out of the way. 

Having Cal's big cock for my own personal toy was the most erotic experience of my life! I played with it for hours, never worrying about anyone's pleasure except my own, as he languished in a comatose state, unaware of what I was doing. Even when my husband fucked me, I would close my eyes and think about Cal's huge appendage, until I climaxed explosively. In fact, it was what I thought about most of the time, anticipating those times he'd lapse into one of his comatose states so I could enjoy it again. Then, the unthinkable happened. 

Cal had been lucid for longer than he usually was between bouts, and his behavior had subtly changed as well, causing me to be a little unbalanced when around him. He wasn't as talkative as usual, and his constant watching me as I worked around the house was becoming unsettling. Especially when I bent over to pick something, or when I walked past him. It seemed I constantly felt his eyes on my ass. Really, it seemed I did! Then one morning things finally came to a head. He was sitting at the breakfast table having coffee and I got up to pour him another cup. I was wearing a thin robe but it was nothing different than usual. I felt his eyes on me again.

"Don't do that, Cal." I said, pouring coffee.

"Do what, daughter?"

"Stare at me like that," I replied, placing his refilled cup in front of him. I was startled as he grasped my wrist. 

"Kind of prissy for someone who likes to suck cock so much." He was grinning like a wolf. I tried pulling away but he held my wrist firm. His grin grew broader. "At first I thought it was a dream," he said. "I mean, I've been fantasizing about your tight ass ever since Rick brought you home that first night, so, yeah, I thought I was dreaming."

Chills shot throughout my body as fear threatened to engulf me in its cloak. "I don't know what you're talking about, Cal. Let go of me." 

"You know, alright. When I came around this last time, I finally put it all together. It was just too real to be a dream. You sucked my cock, daughter. Probably more than just that once, too."

"No, Cal . . . you . . . you're hallucinating. It didn't happen. How dare you speak to me this way!"

Cal forced my hand downward into his lap, holding it there for a moment. I felt his manhood stir and tried pulling away again, my face flushed and burning. I felt a familiar tingling between my legs and knew it wasn't entirely due to the embarrassment of being found out. Jerking my hand from his grasp, I said weakly, "You're delusional. Sick."

"Maybe. But I wonder what my son will said when I describe the little wedge-shaped trim you do around your pussy. He'll probably wonder how I know about that. He'll also be surprised that I know the choice words you say when your pussy explodes as you cum." He looked thoughtful for a moment, and then said, "I might have that young man come by that I used to pay to do polygraphs on new employees . . . do one on me. Give a copy to Rick when I tell him about this. Think he'll believe me then?"

I felt disoriented, really scared now. "Cal . . . please," I whispered. "Don't do this. You'll wreck all our lives."

He actually laughed. "I won't wreck anything! You're the one who'll be doing it! Look, no one has to know our secret, daughter. We'll just keep it between you and me - a mutual agreement. I need someone to take care of me and you need me to remain silent. Fair exchange?"

I felt a tear escape my eye, rolling down my cheek as I studied him. He looked even bigger, uglier and more intimidating than I'd come to view him. There was not an ounce of pity or understanding reflected in his face. He just looked unrelenting, mean.  

I took a long shuddering breath before I said, "What do you want me to do, Cal?"

I watched in horror as Cal pushed his chair back, grinning at me as he slowly unzipped his pants and flopped his half-swollen cock out. "Nothing you haven't already done, daughter. Just pretend I'm in a coma if that's easier." 

I felt unchecked tears dripping off my chin as I struggled about want to do. If I didn't do as he wanted, my marriage and life as I knew it would end. If I did, my future would be changed forever. I'd be a literal slave to this creature who was Rick's father. As Cal slowly stroked his cock to life and I watched it stiffen, my mind was made up for me. Somehow, I was knelling beside Cal, my hand had replacing his, and his cock was a breath away from my hungry mouth. I moaned softly and lowered my open mouth over the spongy head. 

Cal leaned back and sighed. "That's it daughter. You're the best cock sucker I've ever met, and I've met a few. What makes you so good at it is you love it so much. Ain't that right?"

I moaned softly, reluctant to take my mouth away even long enough to answer. Cleo would tell me I was probably already addicted to my role in this drama, and if Cal hadn't forced the issue I would've found some other way to do it, myself. Maybe that was true, but as I slobbered all over this massive cock, I realized this was where I wanted to be. It wasn't that I cared for Cal at all. It was the situation itself, the total degradation of it that I needed. He pushed my robe off my shoulders and I shrugged, letting it fall. 

I lifted his cock out of the way and licked my way down to his balls, nibbling the soft skin around them, gently taking each into my mouth, making love to them. Then I lifted them too, licking that little patch of skin under them, smelling his male musk, hearing him grunt with pleasure. He may be awake, but I was in charge at the moment. I knew that would soon change, and the thought strangely excited me. I licked my way back up the large vein under his cock, to the head, and swallowed as much of his cock as I could take, holding it in my throat until I saw dark spots. When I lifted off, slobbers were running freely down my chin, dropping onto my tits. 

I grasped it at the base and began sucking hungrily, wanting to feel him explode in my mouth, to taste him, to suffer the final degradation. He only lasted a couple minutes before he shot a load that nearly strangled me. I swallowed frantically trying to get it all, feeling some of it surge up into my nasal cavity, choking as I finally got his sticky streams of semen under control. The total joy of feeling this meaty thing throbbing inside my throat, pumping his nasty seed into my gullet to pool in my soft belly, was the final acceptance to my situation. I'd do where ever he wanted. I had no choice and somehow that felt right to me. 

I mouthed the final leakage from the tiny hole in the crown, slurping hungrily and scratching his hairy balls in appreciation as he stroked my hair. After a few minutes, he began growing stiff again and I moaned as I went down on it again. He pushed me away roughly and stood. "Get on your bed," he said. "I want it where Rick fucks you." He walked toward my bedroom, leaving me to weakly follow like a whipped puppy.

He was laying on his back, his big cock sticking straight up. "This is how you like it, right?" he said grinning. I didn't answer, climbing onto the bed, straddling his broad stomach, centering the head at my wet entrance. 

"Just pretend I'm in never-never land, daughter, and do your thing." 

I eased down it, feeling every ridge as it entered my vagina, pushing the walls of my pussy aside. I slid down on it until I was resting on his stomach, my hands braced against his hairy chest. Then I started slowly riding it. It wasn't long before I was slamming my ass up and down frantically, straining for my release as I sobbed and pleaded mindlessly. I was delirious. I heard him say, "That'a girl. Punish yourself on that cock. You're a dirty slut and it needs to hurt." 

Yes, yes, he was right! I needed to hurt. It was good to hurt. I screamed so loudly Cal became alarmed the neighbors might hear, clamping his large hand over my mouth until my orgasm had passed. Then for a long time I just sat on his cock, whimpering, until he said, "Okay girl. My turn." Keeping his cock inside me, he rolled me onto my back and started fucking me. In minutes I was squeezing him between my thighs, my arms clutching his back, nails biting and swallowing his tongue hungrily. We acted like animals fucking, nothing but our releases mattered. 

When he shot his soothing cum into my womb, I cried out again, and this time he silenced me with his tongue as I thrashed wildly beneath him. We slept and then fucked again that afternoon. Rick wasn't due to return for a couple days, so his father slept in his bed with me. I lost track of the number of times I either sucked his cock, or he fucked me. Even if I didn't want it at first, I usually did before he finished. Twice, he performed anal intercourse on me and he was so large that I nearly died. Afterward though, he ate my pussy most of the night and that almost made up for it. 

A short time ago, Cal went into one of his comas and didn't come out. In a matter of a short period, he had lost so much weight that he was just a skeleton of the man he'd once been. We moved him to short-term care with twenty-four seven care. One day, I stood beside his bed alone, looking at him. I took his hand and held it. 

"Cal, I don't know if you can hear me or not. Maybe you're already gone, but I want to tell you, I don't regret anything that happened between us. You taught me what it was like to feel like a woman. I will miss that, and always be grateful."

Cal passed away the following day without regaining consciousness.