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Finding Lia

By: Jack_Elation



Working in entertainment you never really know what each week will bring, which I suppose is part of the attraction of the industry. A few months ago I was offered to tour which is always a hard opportunity to turn down, especially when the crew is always being put up in plush hotels and catered for like fatcats. The only problem with going on tour was that I kept a collection of reef fish - they needed to be fed daily and finding a person reliable enough to do this was never easy.

My friends were generally a useless bunch but one of them did mention that when they went travelling they'd just arrange for a housekeeper to take care of their pets and plants. At the time my house was in bit of a neglectful state so I thought this was probably the option I should go with. I was going away over the coming weekend so I called a cleaning agency and made a booking, planning to leave my hovel and return to a tidy and organised apartment.

The agency told me to expect a girl named Lia to arrive on Friday. I was to leave a list of tasks that needed doing and a copy of my house keys. From the beginning I was a bit unsure about the idea of trusting anyone I didn't really know with the keys to my house, but I really had no viable alternative at the time.

When Lia arrived I was surprised to see that she was this tiny petite figure; covered in golden skin, with long dark wavy hair and these huge soft brown eyes covered by small round glasses. I guessed she looked to be in about her early-20s, another immigrant, sadly but typically forced to work a crappy job to make ends meet. She was dressed casually in white sweatpants that tightly hugged her little ass, a black singlet and sneakers.

She spoke with a slight accent and after some small talk I was surprised to find out that she was actually studying to become a teacher and working part time to help pay off her college. I felt more at ease after meeting Lia and about the idea of leaving my house at the disposal of a stranger; before she left I gave her a task list and a copy of my house keys.

I left on Friday and wasn't due to return till Monday morning, but most of the event was actually outside and it ended pissing down rain on Sunday morning. All the electrical equipment was outdoors and had to be turned off bringing the show to an early close; I got sent home on a flight that night.

As I pulled up into the driveway I noticed it was late - actually very early morning and I slipped through the front door quietly, closing it slowly behind me. As I began taking off my shoes when I heard some noise from the back of the house in the direction of the rumpus room. I figured perhaps the TV had been left on by Lia and I was hoping that this was the case. I continued down my hallway carefully, when another sensation hit me, it was the distinct smell of a joint being smoked. Stopping at the doorway to the rumpus room, I slowly turned my head around the corner to get a good look on what was happening back there.

The first thing that caught my eye was the image on the screen; I recognised it instantly as one of my home cam movies that I made with an ex-girlfriend who loved being filmed whilst she was being fucked. I had a few of these films on discs that were locked away, but I must've left one out on top of the DVD player and forgotten to put it away. My ex was a gorgeous little Irish girl named Teylin with light brown hair down and these soft green eyes. By this part of the film she was completely naked except for golden stiletto heals with laces that ran up to her knees. She was lying on her back holding her knees up to her shoulders, pushing her ass up towards me. I was kneeling in front of her with her tiny firm ass cheeks spread apart in my hands, teasing her slit with my fingers and flicking her clit sharply with my fingertips.

The next thing I noticed after my attention subsided from the screen was something I was utterly unprepared and my heart paced even faster. It was Lia lying on my daybed in the middle of the room, her attention completely fixated on the screen totally unaware of me standing just a couple of metres behind her..

Initially I felt furious about Lia invading into my place in this manner, that she would even contemplate committing this complete breach of trust and abuse of priveledges on her behalf was not only unprofessional but outright intentionally disrespectful. For a few moments I just stood there motionless, overcome with so many different thoughts racing through my mind at the same time. I pondered how many times had she allowed herself this kind of intrusion in previous circumstances and gotten away with it. Whatever her previous discrepancies were was irrelevant, I was going to make her pay for this instance and treat her like the nosey little whore that she was, sitting right there watching my private home made porn. She was only a few metres from where I stood and was totally ignorant of my presence, while at every passing moment as I decided my next move I felt my cock growing against my jeans.

Finally, it occured to me that perhaps a good tactic would be to creep up behind her and give her the shock of her life, something she would be majorly unprepared for. I began slowly making my way towards her, compelled with a morbid curiosity to see the look on her face. As I got closer my shadow crawled over the back of her head then crept its way down over body. Suddenly something must have registered because her whole body jumped a little and her eyes bulged open, and a deep gasp escaped her lips. She lay still with that look of complete humiliation on her face for what seemed like forever, her glazy eyes locked with mine and her arms and legs became instantly covered in goose bumps.

Lia turned her head around slowly to face me. "Oh my god Jack... what are you doing here? I thought you weren't supposed to be back till tomorrow?"

"Shut up Lia I'm not the one who has the explaining to do, what the fuck is going on here?" I asked solemnly.

Her eyes darted around and she was fidgeting trying to put out the joint.

"Please listen I can explain, I was cleaning and I just wanted a break, I sat down and turned on the TV but there was nothing on so I turned on the DVD... Please, don't report me, if I have a criminal record I will never be able to teach, they could even send me back to Bolivia."

The full depth of the situation sank in when I heard her confession, and I took the initiative to use it my advantage. "Look bitch, I have every right to go ahead and do just that, you know"

The look on her face turned from humiliation to fear, and she started pleading with me. "Please, I will clean your entire house, wash your car, anything please, you don't understand how much that could screw up my life forever."

"Anything huh?" I inquired and my mind drew the obvious conclusion. "Well Lia, how about you help me make another special home movie to add to my collection?"

She answered me with a look of pure repulsion," What...no, you can't be serious. Please anything but that, please, be reasonable"

"Oh ok, I will do the reasonable thing and make a formal complaint about your intrusion to your employer, or better yet, the police".

"No not the police!" she pleaded, " Please, this is so wrong, how can you ask me do this. God, I can't believe I am in this situation."

"Lia, either you do as I say or I'll fucking call them right now." Without so much as really waiting for a reply, I walked over to the TV cabinet and pulled out my mini cam from the drawer. I held it in my hand and turned it on, adjusting the shot on her. She sat upright with her hands clutching her knees, looking back at me disgusted.

"Please no, what you are asking for me to do is illegal, turn it off, "

Pushing her palm out trying to hide her face. Then, something inside her finally relented and her demeanour totally changed as she spat the words out at me "You are a fucking pervert for making me to do this you know".

"Nice intro Lia. Very nasty, but how about you shut your dirty mouth for now and show me those perky little tits of yours"

For a second her face looked defiant and it looked like she wanted to say something more, but she must've sensed the futility of that cause and kept her lips pressed together. Her fingers trembled as she pulled the top off her lithe body and as I zoomed in on her chest I noticed that she was taking her time with her bra.

"Hurry up slut," I barked at her. "I'm tired and I'm not waiting around till the sun comes up waiting for you to get undressed"

"How dare you call me that?" She spat back at me "I am not a slut like the twisted girl in your movie!"

"You either shut your slut face and do as your told or I will tear off your clothes and kick you out onto the street... would you prefer that you snappy little bitch?"

She scowled back as she tried to keep her nipples covered with her arms and she slipped off her bra while keeping her eyes lowered to the ground.

"Move those arms and show me those pathetic little things you call your tits bitch" I ordered.

Her lips curled back and she almost snarled at me, her face so filled with spite she was obviously struggling to keep herself from lashing out at me. Suddenly she grabbed a breast in each hand and squeezed them together, her nipples sticking out between her fingers as they stretched. "Is this better huh? Do they look my tits now you fucking pervert?"

I finally lost my cool and slapped her hard across the face with my free hand, something she obviously didn't expect. She was knocked sideways from the blow and rested on one arm rubbing her cheek with a look of utter shock and disbelief. After I managed to get the cam to stop shaking I focused on her face and said grimly " I told you to shut your slut face and do as you're told, but you just couldn't keep your dirty mouth shut could you... "

She could not seem to conjure a reply while I felt a overwhelming desire to run my fingers over that soft supple and alluring flesh. I reached down to the centre of her heaving chest, and I felt her heart thumping intensely underneath my fingertips. Then I slid my hand over to her breast and pressed my fingers around her nipple. I began toying with it pulling it out slowly stretching the nipple and watched her face contort, wondering how much of this she could stand. Much to my surprise, she kept her silence and just grit her teeth together as I pulled the nipple out further and further, winching as the anguish building on her face. This was amazing footage for my collection I noted to myself feeling very pleased and content with the way things were turning out. Holding her nipple outstretched, I slowly began twirling it and finally she let out a loud sharp squeal.

"Oh you cunt, that burns so much," she hissed, then I released her nipple and let it snap back. She rubbed the tortured nipple with her palm and I could see her trying to hold back tears that were welling up in her eyes.

"Wow, you got such a nasty mouth on you girl, you just don't know when to stop"

"What, please no, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. What are you going to do to me?

"Well, I'm going to give you something to occupy that uncontrollable mouth of yours," I replied, unzipping my jeans.

As I started pulling out my cock through my boxer shorts she started pleading again, "Oh no, no way, please, I'll keep my stupid mouth shut from now on, I promise, just put that thing away".

I couldn't help but to feel aroused hearing her plea and as my cock grew harder she just stared back at it with a look of revulsion. Then she started dry gagging, trying to cover her mouth up with her hand. "No... That's disgusting; I'm not putting my mouth anywhere near that thing"

Using my backhand I smacked her across the lips and as she winched back from the blow I snatched a hold of her hair. It was just long enough to wrap around my fist and I pulled on her scalp twisting her head upwards. One hand holding her hair and the other holding the camera, my cock was hanging free through my jeans and increasingly growing towards her face. "Now, stop bitching and take a good look at my cock. You're going to open your mouth for it nice and wide, is that clear?"

"Please no... I don't want to put that filthy thing in my mouth, its going to be so salty and slimy and it will probably make me throw up!"

"Well, if only you could control that foul mouth of yours then maybe I wouldn't have the itch to put my filthy dick in it would I?" And with that I tugged back roughly on her hair and commanded, "Open your trashy fucking mouth slut."

She closed her teary eyes and scowled like she was about to swallow something distasteful, Lia reluctantly spread her lips apart and dropped her jaw. Her mouth made a pretty small hole but I wasn't deterred and using my hips I guided my hard thick cock and pushed it against her face. Her eyes squinted tighter as I dragged my cock over her cheeks and down to her lips, covering her face in sticky precum. In the viewfinder on the back of my cam the small screen showed just a close up of her expression, a once proud woman being humiliated and used like a slut. Using her hair like a handle, I positioned my cock at the entrance of her mouth then pushed her face down onto it. I watched her lips curl back away from my cock as it slipped into her mouth and felt the soft velvet texture of her tongue. She made a revolted face at tasting my cock but I held her hair tight, making sure she couldn't spit it out.

"There that's not so bad is it. Now, run your tongue around it a few times."

With my cock in her mouth, she shot me a cold look of contempt but did as she was told, and soon I felt the warm sensation of her tongue circling around my knob.

"That's it, now put your lips around it tight and suck it as hard as you can." She curled her lips around her teeth and I felt her clamp down around my cock with such force I was sure she was trying to inflict some pain. With her mouth clenched tight she slid her lips down my shaft pulling back my foreskin and stretching it backwards, it burned fiercely but felt so great at the same time.

I couldn't stop my hand from pushing down on her head and watched as almost half my cock disappeared into her tiny mouth. I pushed till I felt my cock hit the top of her throat and she instantly gagged from the sensation. Not letting her go I held onto her hair tight and forced her head down for a few seconds, deep throating her face.

I watched her eyes bulging from their sockets and when they looked like they were about to pop out I finally pulled my cock out of her throat. I watched as she coughed, gagged and gasped for air while strands of saliva and precum fell from my cock down her lips to her chin and landed on her tits.

She cleared her throat and spat the juices out all over my cock, looking devastated as she caught her breath. "Oh my god I thought I was going to suffocate on that horrible tasting thing just then. You are a sick fuck!"

Her spit mixed with my precum and dripped off the end of my cock. I looked down at her and commanded "Now, I'm going to make you jerk me off all over your face, and ...I'm going to make sure I get in all on film."

She looked up at me with those large eyes pleading me to stop, but I sensed she knew better then to resist and invoke a darker reaction. I walked over to the shelves and pulled out my mini cam, turned it on and focused in on Lia. She was kneeling half naked on the floor, her posture stooped and she kept her eyes to the ground, refusing to look up. I walked over with the cam in my hand and cupping her chin, lifted her face up to get a good shot.

"Now, take my cock in your hand and start rubbing it over your face."

She lifted her hand to my cock and wrapped her fingers around the shaft, using her nails and gripping it a bit more roughly then I expected. Then, she began moving her hand up and down the full length of my cock, holding it over her face; looking back at me spitefully.

Then, to my astonishment she started talking such filth that I almost came instantly just from hearing her words "Come on then you perverted fuck, cum all over my face and finish this humiliation."

She increased her pace on my cock and I noticed as she pulled my foreskin out she gave it a slight twist, sending waves of pain and pleasure through my entire body. She gritted her teeth and snarled at my cock like a savage dog. It was almost as if the presence of the camera did something to her and her demeanor changed towards an almost animalistic brutality. She went on, spitting her words out like she was possessed.

"Is this what you imagine inside your filthy mind? Some whore that worships your cock like a god? You are a twisted fuck, cum on my face I know you want to."

Hearing her run her mouth about like a wanton whore I could not control myself any longer and felt a tingling sensation growing in my balls.

"Oh fuck yes Lia open wide you filthy bitch" She dropped her jaw and spread her lips apart, pumping my cock like a machine gun. I felt my cock throbbing under her fingers before it exploded and strands of cum shot out everywhere, landing all over her face, in her mouth on her cheeks and on her eyes.

She looked back up into the cam with arching ropes of jiz dangling from her face, then some of it fell from her chin and landed on her tits. What she did next amazed me the most, as she took her hand and wiped herself down, collecting all the cum from her face onto her fingers. Then she bought her fingers up to her mouth, and hungrily lapped the cum up like a thirsty kitten. I couldn't believe it, in that instant I realized that on some level deep down in her psyche; she had actually enjoyed this entire experience but still acted the way she did.

Without a word exchanged between the both of us, she collected her clothes and composed herself back to her former appearance as well as she could. She then walked out without saying a word to me, but as she was leaving she turned back and gave me a wicked look that suggested perhaps I hadn't seen the last of Lia Morento...

Finding Lots of Interesting Things



My name is Doreen and I'm eighteen years old. I just graduated high school and I'm enjoying summer vacation, before starting college in the fall. I live with my mother and my stepfather, Claude. 

They've been married for the last three years. My father and mother's marriage didn't work out. They were always fighting and both of them just fell out of love with each other. My father is always at work and traveling. I see him mostly on the weekends when he's in town. 

Claude and my mother met at the gym. It was love at first sight. They dated for about six months and then he proposed to her. I was my mother's maid of honor, which was kind of funny. I really like my stepfather. He's more like a friend than a father. 

Claude is very nice and very handsome. He's younger than my mother by six years. My mother is forty-five and Claude is thirty-nine. I do like to flirt with him and make him uncomfortable. 

I guess it's my job as a teenager to do that kind of stuff. Sometimes, my friends will be over and we'll flirt with him. He's a good sport and just goes along with things. I do think I make him rather uncomfortable. He has said that I'm a younger version of my mother. My mother is really quite beautiful, so I took that as a compliment. 

I'm very petite. I'm only 5'2" and weigh ninety pounds. Both my mother and Claude are always telling me to eat more. I'm very thin, but I'm not anorexic. I have brown hair that is shoulder length and brown eyes. I have a normal sized chest, which is a 34 B cup. I'm very athletic and when I was in high school, I was on the track team. I even got a scholarship at the college that I will be going to in September. 

I have always been a mischievous person. Lately, I've found all these sex toys in my mother's room. She has this cedar chest and at the bottom of it is all of these very interesting things. She has vibrators, edible underwear, hand cuffs, restraints, edible lotions, nipple clamps. I also saw toys for men too. I assumed they were Claude's things. I'm starting to think they have some pretty interesting sex. 

Often, late at night I do hear my mother and Claude having very loud sex. Sometimes, I hear my mother talking in strange voices. Perhaps, they role play or something like that. I also found costumes in her closet. There were all kinds of them. I saw a sexy nurse, a cave girl, a school girl and a policeman costume. I guess the policeman costume was for my step father.

I can't believe some of those vibrators that she had. One of them is a dildo and I think it must be ten inches long. It has a suction cup on it. It looks like you could put it on a wall or maybe the floor. I guess after you attach it to something, you would just fuck it. Maybe, I'll try that out later. I was wondering if I could get that whole cock inside myself. 

I found a pretty box and it had crotch-less panties and a sexy baby doll top that was very sheer. Also, in the same box was another box that had a very sleek looking vibrator inside of it. It was pink and pretty. 

I was thinking my mother was quite sexual with my step dad. She had vibrators that were big and some were small. Some had batteries in them and others were plug-ins. She had a few boxes that were very high end sleek vibrators that were in special boxes. I had read about those in magazines. I was having such a good time looking at all of this stuff. I was getting myself very horny. My pussy was starting to dampen in my panties. 

I grabbed the big dildo and one of the sleek high end ones and her sexy lingerie that I found in the pretty box. I brought them all into my room. I got dressed in my mother's lingerie and got comfortable on my bed. I then played with the vibrator. 

The thing I liked about this vibrator was, it was very quiet and it had a special head that hits your g-spot. It was pretty powerful and I started rubbing it all over my pussy. I was moaning and groaning as I was fucking myself with this toy. The vibrations were strong enough, but it felt so good on my pussy. I started to rub my clit, while I was fucking myself over and over again with the toy. 

"Oh God! This feels so fucking good. Oh shit! Oh fuck!" 

I kept fucking myself with the toy and my juices were flowing out of my pussy. I was having the time of my life. After I had an orgasm with that toy, I stuck the dildo on my headboard and spread my pussy lips and carefully fucked the ten inch cock. 

"Oh God! Oh Jesus! Oh yea!" 

This toy felt incredible in my pussy. My pussy lips stretched and made room for this very long and thick cock. I was massaging my breasts through this skimpy lingerie, while I was fucking this enormous dildo. It was really quite an amazing stretch. I wasn't able to get it all into my pussy, but I managed to get at least eight inches inside of myself. 

As I was fucking myself, my door opened and Claude, my stepfather walked in. 

"What are you doing in here? Oh my God, does your mother know you are playing with her toys and dressed up in her lingerie? Jesus, Doreen what are you doing?" 

I got off of the dildo and just looked at Claude in a very horrified look. 

"No, she doesn't know I found all this stuff. Please don't tell. I don't think she would be happy." 

"She certainly would not be happy. Cover yourself up Missy!" 

"I bought that for your mother for her birthday. I haven't even given it to her yet. And that toy you are playing with is also another birthday gift for her. I can't believe you opened these boxes and helped yourself to it. I'm really quite pissed off." 

"I'll do anything. Please don't tell my mother. I'm sure there is something you need that I could do for you. I could wash your car. I could bake you cookies. I could do all your laundry. Please don't tell, Claude." 

"I don't know this is pretty serious stuff. I mean you opened up her birthday gifts. I'll say you look so damn sexy in that outfit. Stand up and model it for me." 

"You're joking right? You want me to show you what I look like in this outfit?" 

"Now that you have used the outfit, it's now your lingerie. I can't give that to your mother it's used now. I guess you can have the vibrator too. I certainly am not going to be giving that to her now." 

"I feel like such a jerk. I can't believe those were her birthday gifts. I'll do anything you want. Just don't tell her I have done this." 

"I won't tell on you. But, you're going to model that lingerie and you're going to fuck yourself with that toy and I'm going to watch you. So lie on the bed darling and get started." 

"I feel so weird modeling this for you. Do you want me to dance too?" 

"What a good idea, Doreen. Shake your ass and play with your tits, while you dance for me. I'll undress and lie on your bed and stroke my cock, while you entertain me. Come on now!" 

I put some music on and then stood in front of the bed doing a little dance for Claude. I was moving my hips and playing with my breasts, while Claude was on my bed stroking his very hard cock. I was dancing all over my room and feeling my breasts as Claude watched me. 

"I want you to use the vibrator and fuck yourself through those crotch-less panties. Make yourself wet." 

I put the vibrator up my cunt and rubbed my clitoris. I was making my pussy very wet and I continued to gyrate my hips and dance for Claude, while I fucked my pussy deep and hard with the toy. 

"You look really sweet honey. Come over to the bed and let me taste the vibrator. I bet it tastes great. Come here sweetie." 

I went over to the bed and put the vibrator into Claude's mouth. He licked the juices off the vibrator. 

"Lie down on the bed. I want to taste your sweet pussy. Spread your thighs, Doreen." 

I got on the bed and Claude stood up. I spread my thighs and Claude got into position and licked at my pussy. His tongue felt so good in my cunt. I was so horny and really wanted to be with Claude. He was such an amazing pussy eater. He was licking my cunt like an ice cream cone. He pushed his tongue through my pussy lips and started to tongue fuck me fast. I was playing with his hair and grinding on his face. 

He was slurping and drinking the pussy juices that were flowing out of my pussy. 

"I want you to get on top of me and ride my cock. I want to see how beautiful you look." 

Claude then got comfortable on the bed and I got on top of him. I put his cock into my pussy and rocked and moved over his cock. He had a nice sized cock. It wasn't too big or too small. It was just perfect. His hands were on my breasts. 

"You're a sweet thing. Your pussy feels so nice. Lean down and kiss me, Doreen." 

I leaned down and gave Claude a deep and passionate kiss. Our tongues danced in each other's mouths. I kept moving my pussy up and down over his shaft. Claude sat up and played with my breasts. He tweaked at my nipples and then sucked on each one, while I was riding him. 

I was really enjoying making love with my step father. I loved all the attention he was giving to me. I knew my mother was not going to dig this. She would be totally disgusted if she found this out. 

I knew she would really have been quite hurt by it. I will say, I knew that Claude was going to be home and purposely played with my mother's stuff. I knew that he would eventually want to have sex. I mean what man wouldn't want to have sex with a beautiful and sexy eighteen year old girl. 

"Get on your hands and knees," Claude said. 

I got on my hands and knees and Claude slid his cock into my pussy. He fucked me much harder than when I was on top of him. He grabbed my hips and pushed his cock deep into my pussy. His thrusts were harder and faster and his balls were slapping into my ass. My pussy was making all her squelching noises as he fucked me hard. 

He was pulling me closer onto his cock and then pounding my wet pussy. I'd never been fucked so hard in my life. But, it felt so good. I'd been with several boys, but never a man like Claude. 

"I'm having an orgasm. Oh my God. Fuck, your cock feels so good in my pussy. I'm coming." 

I had an amazing orgasm. 

"Get on your knees on the floor. I want you to suck my cock and then I'll come down your throat. Do it." 

I got on my knees and wrapped my lips around Claude's cock. I bobbed along his hard and very erect cock. I cupped and massaged his cum filled balls, while I sucked, slurped, and gagged on his dick. His cock tasted very good in my mouth. 

"Use your fingers and stroke me, while you suck!" 

I got a firm hold on his cock and stroked him, while I sucked on his mushroom head. I played with his slit with my tongue. I was taking his cock further down each time, while I was fondling his balls. 

"Open your mouth wide. I'm going to fucking come." 

I opened my mouth wide and Claude came inside my mouth. Lots of hot come filled my throat. I tried not to gag. I really did not like the taste of come, but knew he would like it if I did it. 

"Come here and give me a kiss. Let me taste myself on your breath." 

I got up and gave Claude a deep and passionate kiss. 

"Okay, I won't tell your mother about any of this. I also will not tell her that we had sex. I love your mother, but got carried away in the moment. Get dressed and stay out of our room!" 

"I promise to stay out of your room. And, I swear I'll never tell her about this even though it was so exciting to have sex with you. I have wanted to fuck you for a few months now." 

"You're a very pretty girl. But, this is not happening again. Go get dressed before your mother gets home." 

"Thanks for not saying anything. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to open her birthday gifts." 

After that, Claude got dressed and went downstairs to start dinner. I took a shower and giggled to myself. My plan worked out perfectly. I knew Claude would find me and would somehow want to have sex. I knew he was very weak and would be horrified that I opened my mother's presents.

At least we had sex and I got a new negligee and a very cool vibrator. I will show it too my boyfriend over the weekend. I know that I'm a very naughty girl. I have wanted to fuck Claude for the longest time. So I can now check that off my bucket list. I just can never let my mother know that I did that.



Finding Love



I once heard someone say, “We marry the person who is most available when we are most vulnerable.”

I suppose that describes me when, at the age of thirty two I seemed well set in my career as a consulting engineer, was fed up with one night stands, and felt it was time to settle down and have a family.

The family aspect had increasingly absorbed my thinking since both my parents had been killed in a car crash when I was twenty two; both my paternal and maternal grandparents were dead, and my sister, some uncles, aunts and cousins, all live far away.

Looking back I suppose I had an idealised view of marriage and family – the sort of image one gets from Christmas advertising on television – the children opening presents on Christmas Day and smiles all round. Then there are walks along the beach, hiking in the hills, the companionship and intimacy, not to say the availability of regular sexual intercourse. These were the things I thought I wanted; it was just a question of with whom?

The answer came in the shape of Judith. We met at a dinner party at the house of mutual friends; a husband and wife who had long been plotting to get me married. To this day I am not sure whether they had set the situation up deliberately, but if they did, at first glance you might say it was an unlikely piece of matchmaking. 

For a start Judith was only eighteen; fourteen years younger than me. In addition she was very attractive in the fantasy manner many men have about their ideal woman. Tall, slender, with long shapely legs and clearly full breasted – “clearly” because her dress was cut to expose her bosom almost to the nipples. Her long slender neck was surmounted by a face of classical beauty – the sort of face that you see on the statues of Greek goddesses.

I was instantly smitten and couldn’t keep my eyes off her the entire evening. She spoke quietly, and to make the situation more enticing, she had an air of remoteness, of unattainability.

My goddess had me spending most of the evening trying to hide a throbbing erection.

Before the evening was over I gathered up my courage and asked her to have dinner with me one night. To my amazement she agreed without demur. The arrangement was made; I took her home, and went to bed that night to masturbate, with my fantasy woman hovering over me.

And so the courtship began. It was indeed a really old fashioned courtship with flowers and gifts, all received by Judith with calm, not to say cool, thanks. It was her apparent inaccessibility that proved a challenge to me. I felt as if I were trying to storm an impregnable tower. That in the end proved to be an incorrect assumption in the sense that, when having asked her to marry me and received the answer, “Yes,” Judith proved to be very pregnable in that she must have got pregnant the first time we copulated or soon after.

Judith came with a bonus in the form of her mother and father. On meeting them I was made very welcome and as time passed there grew up a bond of affection between us. I came to feel that I belonged.

On first meeting Ken and Hannah I was struck by their age difference. Ken, as I learned, was in his mid fifties and Hannah was thirty seven. It seemed that age disparity ran in the family when it came to marriage.

Ken was “Something in the city”; precisely what he was in the city I have never been clear about, but something to do with investments. Like Judith he had a slight air of remoteness about him; not unfriendly, but not inviting personal questions.

Physically Judith resembled her father more than her mother. Ken was tall and handsome in that greying at the temples manner. Hannah, on the other hand, was shorter than Judith, and where Judith was fair complexioned with the light brown hair that must have once been Ken’s colouring, Hannah was dark complexioned, with almost black hair and with what used to be called an “hour glass figure.” 

I am no expert of women’s bra sizes, so let it be sufficient to say that Hannah was well and firmly endowed. She had a narrow waist that flowed down to swelling hips and strong but shapely legs of the sort one could imagine winding round you at the moment of orgasm.

Facially Judith to some extent resembled Hannah in that Hannah had that same classical cast of features, but where Judith had light blue eyes, Hannah’s were a darker blue, in fact they were quite startling.

I remember there was once a song called, “The Sailor with the Navy Blue Eyes.” I had always thought this to be a piece of fanciful imagery on the composer’s part, until I saw Hannah. She had the deepest blue eyes I had ever seen, and when she focused them on you, you felt as if they penetrated your very soul.

Another difference between Judith and her mother was Hannah’s vivacity. She was clearly an intelligent woman, well educated and with multiple interests. I frequently found myself engaged in animated conversation with Hannah on the most rarefied subjects, and enjoying myself hugely.

To put it bluntly if she had been available and Judith not on the scene I might have let myself fall for Hannah.

At the mention of “marriage” Hannah went in to top gear. As I was to discover, Hannah was not the interfering type, but the wedding of Judith and I was like putting Hannah into overdrive. All was arranged by her, and Ken did all the paying.

At one point prior to the day of the wedding Hannah took me aside and said, “I’m glad Judith is marrying a mature man, I think it makes for a more stable relationship. And by the way, I want to be a grandmother before I’m forty.”

Under the influence of those penetrating eyes I felt impelled to tell her the truth. “You’re going to be a grandmother sooner than you think,” I said.

There was a pause as she continued to look at me, then she chuckled and said, “A bit careless were you? I thought Judith was looking a bit chubbier than usual.” That was her only comment.

The wedding and honeymoon over, Judith and I settled down to married life. I copulated enthusiastically and frequently with her, but there was something about Judith during our love making that was not easy to interpret. 

Even now I find it difficult to describe how it was, but it was as if she was enjoying what we did, but somehow did not connect with me. It was as if she was in the bed alone masturbating and I was some sort of dildo or vibrator. 

For some time the delights of exploring her body prevented my recognising this seeming distance from me, and she did little for me in response to my stimulation of her. She orgasmed easily, but again, it was something that seemed to happen apart from me.

As the time for the birth drew near Judith asked me not to have sex with her, and I accepted that it would be too uncomfortable or even dangerous for her.

We had a daughter whom we called Bernadette; a beautiful child who oddly seemed to resemble her grandmother in complexion and hair colouring. One aspect troubled me a little. I had read that breast feeding a child was the best thing for its early development, but Judith resolutely refused to do this, claiming it would spoil her breasts.

Once Judith had recovered from the birth I approached her for a continuation of our sex life, but for some time she kept putting me off. When she finally relented she was if possible, even more distant.

I had led a fairly promiscuous sex life before meeting Judith, but when we married I took the vows seriously. I would remain faithful to her and so the infrequency of our love making and the rather detached manner in which Judith engaged in sex with me, began to give rise to frustration. I confess that I did begin to think of seeking my satisfaction elsewhere, but thinking was as far as it went.

I kept telling myself that things would eventually improve; thus does hope spring eternal, but unfortunately this particular spring seemed to have lost its resilience.

It was when Bernadette was about a year old that Judith spoke to me about returning to work. She had worked in a junior clerical position in a solicitor’s office and had continued there for the first few months of our marriage.

“I met Mr. Gardener the other day,” she said. Gardener had been her employer. “He asked me if I’d like to come back and work part time – perhaps four hours a day.”

“What about Bernadette?” I asked.

“I think I can persuade mother to look after her while we’re out at work. I do feel a bit stifled and restricted. It’s all right for you, you get out and about meeting people, but I’m stuck in here day after day; I need to get out for a while.”

I was not too happy about the idea, but could sympathise with Judith in the need to get some of the socialising that goes on in the workplace. I had no qualms about Hannah looking after Bernadette because she was very much the loving and doting grandmother. So it was arranged that she would come to our house for the time Judith was at work to care for Bernadette.

All went well for a while but then the four hours started to become five hours, then six hours, a day. Then one evening I came home from work to find Hannah still there and no Judith.

“Where’s Judith?” I asked.

“She telephoned to say that she’d been asked to work extra time again, but I didn’t expect it to be this long.”

“Ken’s not going to be too happy,” I responded.

She looked at me for a moment, and then with a wry smile said, “I don’t suppose he’ll mind.”

Hannah had prepared the evening meal. We waited some time for Judith to appear until tired or waiting we sat down to eat. Judith arrived just as we finished.

Hannah made some remark about the food being spoiled and went to serve Judith’s meal, but Judith said, “Don’t worry about me, mother, I’ve already eaten, and I’ve brought home some paperwork to finish, so if you don’t mind, would you put Bernadette to bed.”

I think Hannah and I were a trifle taken aback by this turn of events, but neither of us made any protest and Hannah and I duly attended to Bernadette.

After that time everything seemed to go haywire. Judith arrived home at all hours; Hannah spent an increasing amount of time in our house to care for Bernadette; my sex life with Judith went into a marked decline with the responses on my approach, “Not tonight Michael, I’m rather tired.”

Seeing much more of Hannah than I used to I began to notice that she seemed to lack her old vivacity. It was as if she was carrying some burden around with her. I thought that the increasing amount or responsibility and time she spent caring for Bernadette was getting too much for her. I questioned her about this.

Her response was that she was delighted to care for Bernadette, but “I am worried about how Judith is relating to the child. She doesn’t seem to be at all interested in what‘s going on; it’s all work, work, work. Frankly Michael, I think you should discuss the situation with Judith, see if you can persuade her to be more of a mother and less of a workhorse.”

I agreed I would try talking with Judith, but I didn’t expect to get anywhere because I had tried approaching the subject with her before, and was told, “Oh, we’re just extra busy lately.” I also realised that I had not discovered what it was that seemed to be ailing Hannah.

My discussion with Judith was never begun, or at least, not in the form I had intended. When she came home that evening she was flushed with excitement.

“Michael, I’ve been asked by Stan” – It was ‘Stan’ now and not ‘Mr. Gardener’ – “to go with him on a business trip to (she named a city up north).”

I was staggered. “How long for?” I asked, unable for the moment to think of anything else to say.

“Probably about a week.”

“A week! What about Bernadette? You can’t just leave her for a week.”

“Don’t be silly, Michael. Mother will come and stay here with her…and you,” she added hastily. “She loves being with Bernadette and Bernadette obviously loves her, so what’s the worry?”

“Have you asked Hannah about this?”

“Not yet, but I shall, and I know she’ll agree.”

I knew she’d agree, but that didn’t mean I was happy about the situation, and I said so.

Judith got snappish and said, “Michael, I’m getting a great deal of satisfaction out of my work. I’ve been promoted, and I’m virtually Stan’s personal assistant now, so it’s useless trying to get me to give up the job.

I wanted to talk about the maternal instinct and mother and child bonding, but felt it would simply sound pathetically sentimental. I also wanted to talk about our declining sex life, but was unable to humiliate myself by what would end up sounding like begging.

In addition to this there was something I would not acknowledge to myself at the time, but now I can say that I had actually come to prefer Hannah’s company, and certainly preferred her cooking to either Judith’s or my own. 

I suppose at the time I saw the warning signs of things to come, but again, I failed to acknowledge them, hoping that some miracle would turn our failing relationship around.

And so it went on. Judith went away for the week; the “working late” telephone calls became ever more frequent, and other “weeks away on business” kept cropping up. Had it not been for Hannah’s presence in our life I might well have brought our marriage to an end. The only nagging thought was, “What would become of Bernadette?” Or put more truthfully and selfishly, “Will I lose Bernadette?” 

That I would lose Judith came to play a less and less important part in my thinking. I felt as if I had lost her already, and when she suggested that we sleep apart on the grounds that my restlessness kept her awake, it seemed that the final curtain had dropped on our relationship.

She was right of course; I was restless – restless in my sexual frustration and the nearness of her body.

Hannah now spent increasing amounts of time at our place, sleeping there when Judith was off on one of her weeks away. It was she who now made our place a home, with Judith looking ever more like a visitor who came and went. I continued to wonder what Ken thought about Hannah’s frequent absences, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him when we met for fear I might be poking my nose into something that did not concern me.

Yet it did continue to concern me. The loss of Hannah’s animation that I had observed some time before had continued, and if anything seemed more marked. Finally, one evening, I girded up my loins and asked her; “Hannah, something seems to be troubling you; you’re not as lively as you used to be; you seem to be carrying some heavy burden or worry. Is it the situation here?”

As on the previous occasion I had asked, she looked at me with those soul penetrating eyes, and giving a wan smile said, “No darling, it’s nothing to do with being here, in fact I like coming here. The situation with you and Judith is a worry, but it’s not that, I promise you.”

“What is it, then?” I asked.

She paused for a long time as if trying to make up her mind whether to say anything or not, then with a sigh she said, “It’s nothing you can help with, darling, so it’s better for me to say nothing.”

“It might help if you shared it with me,” I said.

“No darling, it’s lovely of you to want to help, but its better I say nothing.”

I took that to be a nice way of saying “Mind your own business,” so that was what I did, simply adding, “Well, any time you want to talk, here I am.”

An incident took place a couple of nights later that although I didn’t realise it at the time, gave the clue to Hannah’s problems and which added to mine.

Together we had put Bernadette to bed, I reading her a story and Hannah saying a prayer with her. Bernadette was now nearly three years old, and it was clear that she virtually saw Hannah as the maternal figure in her life, and Judith as the woman who came and went.

To save time in the morning I had the habit of taking a shower and then getting into my pyjamas. I must admit that the pyjamas were only for the sake of Hannah’s sensibilities since I took them off before going to bed, preferring to sleep in the nude.

Hannah, when staying with us, followed the same pattern and put on her night dress. Should this give rise to salacious thoughts in my reader, I hasten to point out that Hannah’s night dress was a cotton neck to just below the knee affair and not designed to send the male viewer into a flame of passion. 

It was warm on the evening in question, so I appeared in the lounge wearing only pyjama shorts, thinking that this after all covered the vital area.

As I recall we watched television for a while until finding it boring, we turned the infernal machine off and talked in a relaxed way about the current political situation – who would get in at the next election and who wouldn’t.

Around ten thirty we had a light supper and made ready to go to bed. We both needed to brush our teeth and Hannah went into the bathroom first. As she came out she drew close to me and said, “Michael, I know how bad things are between you and Judith, but if there’s anything I can do to help…anything, you only have to ask.”

She pulled herself close to me, putting her arms round my neck and kissed me. I smelt her female fragrance and felt the pressure of her breasts against my bare chest and her hips pressed firmly against me. Did I imagine that her tongue flicked over my lips?

She broke away from me and stood looking at me for a moment, then said, “Don’t forget, darling, anything I can do, you only have to ask.” 

Hannah had from early on in my marriage always been affectionate towards me, touching a kissing, but nothing like this. I staggered to the bathroom glad to hide from her the erection she had inspired. That night before I could get to sleep I had to masturbate twice to relieve the sexual tension she had stirred up in me. As I ejaculated I called out her name.

From the very beginning I had found Hannah an extremely attractive and sensual woman, but had repressed sexual thoughts about her. Now, in my state of deprivation and deep frustration, those hidden thoughts came bubbling to the surface.

In the morning nothing was said about that moment of close physical contact, but all that day thoughts of Hannah kept flashing into my head, to the point where I wasn’t concentrating properly on my work.

That evening we went through the usual routine of eating, putting Bernadette to bed, and then showering. There was an atmosphere of constraint between us. For some time conversation was desultory and neither of us showed any signs of wanting to turn the television on, not even to cover the awkwardness that hung between us.

I felt that something was brewing; rather like a threatening thunderstorm when the air is hot and heavy and you long for it to rain to bring relief. When the storm broke at first it was mild enough, but then mounted up to a mighty down pour.

Hannah began hesitantly; “Michael, you remember asking me what’s troubling me?”

“Of course.”

“I didn’t want to say anything because it’s embarrassing and involves someone else.”

My instant and perhaps unworthy thought was that Hannah had had an affair that had gone wrong and was miserable on that account.

She went on, “I know you’ve got problems of your own, but think I would like to tell you because I believe you’ll understand how I feel and you won’t go blabbing.”

“Tell me if you want to,” I said encouragingly. 

She went silent for a while, her eyes searching my face; I suppose trying to be sure that I did want to listen to her. Then she whispered, “It’s Ken and me.”

“Yes?”

“We don’t…he doesn’t want to…to make love with me…he…”

Quietly as she had said those words they were the first flash of lightening and the thunderclap. This was now followed by rain in the form of Hannah’s tears.

Cotton night dress or not, I was amazed that Ken would not want to make love with Hannah.




Finding Love



"Well that's all for today," Chris said standing. He was just finishing explaining the plans for a new project his team was working on. Chris was the CEO of a new insurance company that was taking over Atlanta. He looked at his watch to see it was almost five o' clock which was usually the time he left to go home, especially on a Friday. He went to his spacious office, grabbed his brief case, then left to go home. As he drove to his house he looked at himself in his car mirror and started to evaluate himself. He was a thirty years old, 6 feet tall, good looking, muscular, very well endowed, 9 inches long and 4 inches in width to be precise, blonde with stormy gray eyes. He was smart, funny, and charming and don't forget filthy stinking rich. He owned a manor that took up at least thirty acres, had lavishing cars and controlled a lot of Atlanta, but was not as happy as he thought it would make him. He was always busy at work, which didn't give him the chance to date, not that he could date after his ex-wife, Cathy. She hurt him so bad trying to take all his money and run away with her Fabio pool boy. He really wanted someone, but was too afraid to date because the women who wanted him wanted his money more. He decided being in his house by himself would just make him feel worse, so he went to his brother's, Nick, house.

"Hey! What brings you by here?" Nick ran to his little brother's car while Chris was getting out.

"Just want to get out for awhile." Chris looked around his brother's lot. It wasn't even an acre with patches of wild grass growing here and there. Nick's house was a small two story house with only two bedrooms, a kitchen, and living room. Nick did have a game room but changed it into his art room for painting and stuff. He was always broke not even paying his own mortgage. Chris did that for him. Nick had no college education, no job, besides the painting every now and then, and their parents kicked Nick out when he didn't want to go to college. But, the thing was Nick was happier than ever, much happier than Chris. Nick had a girlfriend and they were crazy over each other, even thinking about getting married, when they got the money to of course.

"So what's up at your big corporation?" Nick said sarcastically sounding interested.

"We just went over plans to expand our company to the whole state of Georgia," Chris said taking off his suit jacket to get more comfortable.

"That's cool man. You are really getting up there." Nick tried not to sound like he wasn't a little envious. "I bet you are really happy."

"Yea I .......No. No I'm not. It's lonely at the top." Chris looked down disappointedly. "You hope you can find that perfect someone who will love you but you just find people who want your money." 

"You will find that someone, man. Don't worry....." Nick said trying to comfort Chris. Just when Nick started to talk, a woman's voice called his name. Chris turned to say hi to what he thought was Nick's girlfriend but got the startle of his life when he saw a perfect black angel. She had to be at least in her mid twenties, 5'9 with breast the size of cantaloupes that was dipped in a milk chocolate color. She had thick lips, long brown hair, curves everywhere and an ass to kill for. She was just getting out of her car in a business suit. Chris knew his eyes weren't lying to him because the swell in his pants was growing.

"Hi Nick. I saw you were out and just wanted to say hi. Who is this?" She turned and smiled at Chris.

"Hi Nadia. This is my brother Christopher Chancellor owner of Chancellor's Insurance." Nick said showing off his brother. "Chris this is Nadia Jackson."

"You are related to the guy who owns half of Atlanta! Wow, I need to hang out with you more." Nadia stuck out a hand to Chris. For a second he didn't think about taking this angel's hand, but remembered his manners and shook it.

"Hi," Chris said faintly. He noticed her beautiful face and gorgeous brown eyes. Her smile seemed to be perfect. He stared into her eyes getting lost into them.

"Nadia, are you going to get your mutt?" Nick broke into Chris's trance from Nadia.

"Oh. Ye, plus I need to change out of these clothes." She started to walk away, but stopped and started to wave. "If I don't see you before you leave, Chris, I just want to say bye." With that, she ran to her door, opened it, went in, and then quickly closed it.

Chris was still staring at the door when his brother started to talk.

"Back to what we were talking about," Nick said.

"What were we talking about?" Chris still started at the door. Nick tried to figure out what Chris was staring at.

"Are you looking at Nadia?"

"Who, me? No." Chris took his eyes off the door and put them on his brother.

"Don't lie to me," Nick stared his brother down, "because I do know her personally and can put in a good word for you."

They both smiled. Afterwards, Nick told all that he knew about sweet Nadia. She was twenty-five years old and single, but just came out of a bad relationship. "She doesn't like to talk about it that much, just that it hurt and she need time to heal, but that was about a month ago," Nick explained. She had majored in psychology and was working with a company that sent her out to do different things like evaluating people at companies to see if they needed time off or something, but she hated it. "She wants to open her own office and evaluate clients, not sweaty workers who just needed a day off." She also loved animals and wanted to open a pet shop when she found the time. Chris got everything that Nick knew about Nadia. She sounded like just what he needed. 

"So if I asked her out what do you think would happen?" Chris looked anxious to know.

"She would probably say no," Nick sadly said.

"Why?!"

"She doesn't know you. She probably thinks you are some rich snob who wouldn't think about dating a black girl." Nick tried to explain as best as he could. Since her relationship she had been up tight with men. No man was good enough. She would snap at guys so fast that no man would come her way.

"I don't care." Chris always got what he wanted. He would never force or push anyone to do anything, but if he wanted a piece of gum or the woman of his dreams he would stop at nothing to get them. "Look, it's late, I have to go. I'll see you later." They said their goodbyes then Chris left to go home. He thought of what to do about Nadia. He just meet her so they weren't in love, well not yet, but he felt something about her that he liked. He didn't know what to do, but he hoped that he would have a change to be with her. 

When he got home he was greeted by his dog Roxie. "Hi girl, come to daddy." She limbed to Chris then she started to whine. "What's wrong girl?" When he touched her leg she jumped. He remembered her hurting her leg when she fell down the stairs, but thought nothing was wrong when he finished checking her out. "I'll take you to the vet tomorrow girl, ok?" He picked up Roxie then headed to his room. When he was got to his room he got into the shower and started to wash up, but the thought of Nadia came into his mind. He could see her in the shower with him kissing him on the neck. She looked so good wet. He could feel his dick rise. He grabbed it and stared to jerk off. He pretended it was Nadia's hand on his dick instead of his own. Her hands were so soft on his manhood. She seemed to rub him the right way. Then he pictured her getting on her knees in front of him. She took his cock into her mouth slowly. He leaned back and softly cried her name out. She seemed to have the head of his dick just at her lips sucking it. It felt so good to Chris. He could tell he close to cumming, but didn't stop his fantasy. She licked his cock and sucked on his balls. She would look at him with those big brown eyes she had today. They looked so sexy to him. She finally took the entire thing into her mouth, and that's when Chris lost it. He came all over his hand and the wall of his shower. He was out of breath, he came so hard. Chris finished his shower and got ready for bed. He looked at the empty side of his bed. He wished there was someone who could fill that side of the bed. He thought, maybe, if Nadia would give him a chance, he could finally fill that cold, empty side.



Finding Love



A big thank you to my editor P.A. Solcrofft.

This is a copyrighted work of fiction by the author durablue. All rights reserved.

*

Chapter 1

The young woman stood at the ponds edge, staring at the rippling waters. Old gnarled Oak trees surround her, the leaves blowing gently in the breeze. The cool shade offered respite from the heat of summer. Running a hand though her long, dark auburn hair she sighed deeply. Turning emerald green eyes to the magnificent glory of the mountains off in the distance, she dreamed of freedom... freedom from her life and freedom from her village.

Each village had five Elders that served the Alpha Leader of their wolf pack. The humans called them werewolves and accepted them, after much governmental debate and racism, into their society fifty years ago. Through the years some things had changed, both in society and pack life, while others remained the same. However, the treatment of females had not changed, at least in her pack. Women were second-class citizens.

And in two days it was her birthday.

Finally she would be twenty-one, a woman, according to the village Elders. Taking a deep breath, she glanced at the pond once more, yearning to dive into its inviting waters, to lose herself in one of her favorite pastimes. The only real pleasure she had now was her joy of water, her love of swimming. This was the only place she could find peace; a brief moment that wasn't filled with plots, threats, and plans for the future.

"Two more days," Ivy mumbled to an irate mocking bird, "just two more day and I am a woman, god help me."

Her father, a village Elder, had arranged her marriage a week ago to Zan O'Shay. Even though Ivy told her father several times she didn't want to marry Zan-she wanted to choose her own mate-her father refused to listen. Over and over he kept repeating, like a broken record, that she'd accept the choice he'd made for her, settle down and raise a family.

And of all the men her father could have chosen, he picked the most lecherous male of the village. The same heated argument had been going on for several days with neither side giving an inch, and things were coming to a head... a very dangerous, explosive head.

"Dad, you're not listening to me," Ivy said, her fists clenched at her side during one of their many arguments. "I don't want to marry Zan. I want the right to choose my mate. I want to spend time with him, learn his likes and dislikes... I want to fall in love! I want to experience what life has to offer outside this village, too. Why can't you understand I want more out of life?"

"Who has been putting these far-fetched idea's in your head?" Ivy's father, Dolmas, demanded. "You're job is to mate, have a couple of cubs and make your husband's life as comfortable as possible. And Zan's father is second only in power to our Alpha."

"What bullshit," Ivy said, losing her temper at her father's description of her life should be like. "I'm not interested in being someone's maid, damn it. I've heard how Zan treats the woman he dates! He treats them little better than slaves! "

"You will marry, and marry whoever I choose for you. End of discussion."

"No, I won't," Ivy said slowly, the angered building. "You can't force me to marry!"

Without warning her father's hand lashed out, connecting with Ivy's cheek. The force of the blow spun her around, and sent her crashing into the nearest table, breaking it. Pain rushed through her slender body, competing against the pounding ache in her cheek, vying for her attention. Crumpled on the floor Ivy slowly raised her hand to her throbbing cheek, eyes wide, stunned that her father hit her... had actually hit her.

The only sounds in the room were her father's harsh, angry breathing, and Ivy's pounding heart. A small sob broke the frozen silence, drawing their attention. Looking over, Ivy's heart twisted as her mom hurried back into the kitchen, clutching the apron to her face, never saying a word. Tears gathered in Ivy's eyes as she watched her mom flee, leaving Ivy with the man that had just done the unforgivable.

"Wanna bet?" he snarled. "Plans have been made, and this marriage will improve my standing in the village. Might as well get some use out of you."

Reality crashed in as Ivy understood that her father meant business. Staring at him, determined not to let the tears spill over, Ivy hardened her heart. Dolmas' harshness toward her extended back far into her early childhood, as far back as she could remember. No matter how hard Ivy tried, she never measured up. He was always trying to break her carefree spirit, but this... this went far beyond what Ivy could cope with.

Ivy had no memory of kind, loving words from her father. Once she got older she was aware that she was being watched closely by either her father or her brothers. She had no close friends... male or female. She never realized how much her father disliked her until now, never understood how deep his contempt for her went, and she had no idea why. Her father considered her a commodity, something he could use to better himself in his own village.

"I won't do this," Ivy said, her voice hoarse. "I won't let you destroy my life."

"Oh yeah, yeah you will do this..." Dolmas replied, "or else."

Several days ago her father threatened to hand her over to the village monks until her birthday, something that Ivy was desperate to avoid. Over the years a few young men and women of their village had been sent there as punishment. There were rumors that the monks enforced their rules by way of whips, chains, starvation... and other, more unspeakable, methods.

Those that had been sent to the monks for "behavioral" reasons, returned different. Broken was the word that came to mind, both mentally and physically. They reminded Ivy of abused animals; empty shells that did what they were told, and cowered in fear.

Tired of such depressing thought, Ivy checked her watch. She knew she had to return home before her father sent one of her brothers to look for her. With a last lingering look at the pond, she turned back to the path that would return her to the village. As she neared her home, her father stopped her.

"Where have you been?"

"I went to the pond for a while," Ivy said, refusing to make eye contact.

"Have you packed your belonging like you were told?"

"No yet."

"Still you defy me. Since you refuse to accept your place, you will be restricted to your room, and your mother will bring you bread and water for meals until your birthday," her father said. "Let's see if that makes an impression on you."

"Are you kidding me? All this because I haven't packed yet?" Ivy asked, horrified. "This isn't the middle ages! You can't do this!"

"I am the head of the family, girl. I can do anything I want and no one can or will stop me," Ivy's father said, his eyes cold. "In the mean time, your mother will be picking up the slack. This means she will be working harder than usual since you will be here in your room, so you might want to think on that."

Two of Ivy's older brothers silently approached and grabbed Ivy by her arms.

"Caleb, please... don't," Ivy whispered to her brother. "This is wrong! Can't you see that this is wrong?"

"You should have listened," Caleb said, untouched by the desperation in Ivy's eyes.

"No, please," Ivy cried out as her other brother, Kern, jerked her head back. "Oh god, please... stop!"

"You need a strong mate to show you who the boss is," Kern snarled.

Kern's words were the very reason why Ivy fought against marrying someone from their pack. The men treated their woman like dirt, and Ivy was determined to avoid that fate at all costs.

"Take her to her room," Dolmas said.

Her brothers' man-handled Ivy, leaving red marks that would bruise later as they dragged Ivy back up the stairs to her room. Ivy struggled, trying to break their grip but didn't have the strength. Both brothers were big muscular men that, like their father, didn't think twice abusing someone smaller than them. Ivy took after her mom, smaller than average in height, with a lean, curvy build. Her brothers' shoved her into her room as her father stood at the door.

"Two days, then you'll be Zan's problem," Dolmas said, the satisfaction in his voice plain to hear.

Ivy stumbled over to the small bed and collapsed. Tears fell as she struggled to find a way to stop what her father planned. The more she cried, the stronger her anger grew. Ivy knew who Zan was and couldn't imagine a worse possible male for a mate. Arrogant and cruel, he had a reputation in the village of being a womanizer, and even darker rumors flew that he liked to hurt his partners. Ivy knew that some people got off on pain, but the rumors were that Zan like woman who did not enjoy that type of lifestyle, who truly feared him. Ivy vowed she'd run before being mated to one such as him.

"I won't," she mumbled, wiping the tears away. "I won't marry that sadist."

Emotionally spent Ivy stripped off her clothes and slipped on her nightgown. The light gauzy material of the sleeveless gown caressed her body and fell to her knees. Pulling the thin sheet over her tired body, she tossed and turned.

Her stomach growled faintly and Ivy remembered she would be eating only bread and water until... god, she didn't want to think about it anymore. Curling up into a fetal position she tried to empty her mind. There was nothing she could do about the hunger pains that racked her but try to get to sleep before they got worse.

Finally she drifted off...

Running swiftly she raced through the forest, the night warm and welcoming. Laughter spilled from her lips as she ran, feeling the wolf in her yearning to be let loose. The starry sky and full moon lit the way, showing the path that would take Ivy to her favorite place... her pond.

As she neared it, another scent rose in the air and snagged Ivy's wolf attention. Slowing to a walk, Ivy struggled to understand what her wolf smelled that excited her so much. Desire pebbled Ivy's skin as her nipples hardened.

"What..." Ivy moaned as her body reacted, "is that scent?"

Not far away another raced through the woods. A siren's call, sweet and tempting, thrummed through his body. His sleep was disturbed by images of a woman, a flame haired beauty that called to him. His wolf tugged at the chain that bound him, wanting, needing to find her. Finally the man gave in to his wolf, something that he didn't allow to happen often.

Nearby a twig snapped and Ivy swung around. Moving out of the woods was the biggest wolf she had ever seen. His silky coat was coal black. The slight tangy scent of werewolf floated to Ivy, making the wolf inside her howl with desire. He was magnificent; everything about him shouted power and authority. Bright yellow eyes followed Ivy as her hand crept to her throat.

"Oh dear god," Ivy whispered, fear and desire swirling though her.

The air around the wolf shimmered and a bright light blinded Ivy for a moment. When her eyes cleared, there stood a man... a very naked man. His hair was a black river of silk that fell to his shoulders. Large sky blue eyes stared at her from a strong, sure face that had a dent in his chin. He was tall, well over average height even for their kind, and towered above Ivy.

A board chest, lightly covered with dark hair, tapered into a small waist, and powerful thighs. He was dark, sexy and powerful, everything that appealed to Ivy's wolf. He had all the traits of an Alpha. But what had Ivy struggling to breath was that long, hard dick that stood straight up against his stomach.

Desire took a backseat as fear flooded Ivy.

"I won't hurt you," he said, his deep voice striking a cord with Ivy's wolf, "my flamed haired beauty."

Moonlight broke through the trees, turning the thin gown Ivy wore sheer.

"So beautiful," he whispered, stepping closer, drawn by the scent of the woman in front of him. "So perfect."

Her small perky breast set high on her chest. Licking his lips, he imagined her hard dark nipples, which showed clearly through the gown, rubbing against his chest. Her waist was so small, but her hips flared out perfectly. He could make out the small strip of hair that led to her womanhood.

His eyes drank in long, long legs that reached to her neck and dear god... even her feet were sexy. But her face, her face was perfection. Big emerald eyes that slanted slightly, a small nose that tilted up, and heaven help him... those lips were sinful. Such kissable lips that drew his attention and weaved fantasies' about how they would look wrapped around his throbbing dick.

"Who-who are you?" Ivy asked, frozen to the spot.

"You know who I am," he said. "Ask your wolf. She knows exactly who I am."

One lone word pounded in Ivy's mind... mate, mate, mate!

Before Ivy could grasp the message her wolf was screaming at her, he grasped Ivy's chin and ran his thumb over her lips. Confused by this dream that was entirely too real, Ivy melted into his body when he touched her. Trembling, she opened her mouth as his thumb caressed her soft lips, then ventured inside. Ivy ran her tongue around his thumb and watched as his eyes flashed yellow for a second, then turn back blue, as he took a deep breath.

"Jesus, those lips of your would drive a saint to drink," he mumbled.

Leaning closer, he watched as her eyelids fluttered closed as his lips touched hers, coaxing them to open for him. Moaning slightly, she wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body close. One of his hands twisted in her hair, holding her head still while the other had drifted to her ass.

Oh yeah, he thought, that's perfect too. Small and tight, but so soft.

His tongue explored her mouth, tasting her sweetness. Growling deep in his chest, his lips slanted over hers again and again. Barely releasing her mouth, he pulled the sweat soaked gown away from her body. He took her hand and placed it on his shaft.

"See what you do to me?" he asked.

"I've never-I've never-"

"Never touched a man like this?" he asked, shocked. "Never?"

"My father kept a close eye on me; if he caught me doing stuff... Do you have any idea what he would have...? It wasn't worth the danger of getting caught!"

"Sweetheart, are you telling me you're still a virgin?"

"Yes," Ivy said, a blush tinting her pale skin.

"My sweet, sweet innocent," he said quietly. "This changes things completely."

"What...? I don't understand-"

"I can't make love to you now, not if you're a virgin. But I can still give you pleasure."

"What... do you mean?"

He stared at her in shock. "Has no man ever touched you?"

"No. My father would have-I know now that he would have... I was never left alone."

"What are you..." he trailed off, trying to rein himself back from the think edge of violence her word evoked. Had her father beat her? "Have you ever had an orgasm?"

Oh my fucking hell, he thought, no other but me has touched her!

"I-I-I have made myself cum, yeah."

"Oh, my beauty. Will you trust me?"

"I-I... yeah. I trust you."

"Lie down on the grass," he said. "I'm going to make you cum, show you what your body was made for, but I won't take your virginity. Oh god, I want your juices all over my hands."

Desire swamped Ivy's body at his words, and she threw caution to the wind. He was the perfect male, the image she held in her mind of a perfect mate. No hands but her own had ever touched her body and she wanted, no needed... Hell, she had to know if it was as good as she had heard.

Ivy shivered, the command in his voice fanning the flames of her desire. Gingerly she lay down on the soft grass, her body shaking with desire, her mind confused by her reaction to this unknown man. Her wolf, on the other hand, knew exactly what she wanted. Ivy lay down and watched as he moved his powerful body next to her.

"So good." He growled against her mouth, his lips moving down the column of her throat.

A small nip was the only warning she had before he started to suck lightly at the base of her neck. The other hand drifted down her chest to caress a small, hard nipple. His soft lips moved to suck on the dark nub, lavishing attention to it until it was hard and aching.

The roughness of his whiskers made her groan softly as he alternated between her nipples, making both highly sensitive from his mouth. His rough, callous hands smoothed over her legs, encouraging them to spread them wider as leaned over her, touching his lips to hers again.

"Oh, oh... lord, oh god, I-I-I..." she moaned.

"Shh, it's okay," he whispered. "Open to me."

Knees bent, both feet placed flat on the ground, Ivy let her legs fall open. A harsh groan told her exactly how much he liked that. He settled between her smooth thighs, staring at the most private part of her. Trembling slightly, her body tightened as he leaned down, and breathed deeply. Her scent was intoxicating, and already her clit was stiff and swollen.

His fingered brushed across it lightly causing Ivy to jump and moan loudly. She was wet for him and god she was smelled delicious. He watched her head thrash back and forth, that sexy deep red hair of hers whipping across her face as he eased one finger into her cunt, feeling the heat and tightness clasp a hold of his finger. His wolf howled at the sensation. Gently he moved his finger in and out while his thumb worked her clit. She was shaking and desperate sounds poured from her throat as he added another finger.

"Play with you nipples for me," he rasped, watching her give over to her desire.

Her hands rubbed her tits, then latched onto the hard nipples that stuck up proudly. As she rolled both nipples, he fingered her cunt gently. His fingers brushed against the hymen that proved her virginity. It took all his will power not to bury his face in her cunt, but he knew she wasn't ready for that yet. But, oh god... soon, soon he would have her taste in his mouth and down his throat.

"Not yet... don't come yet." He voice was a low rumble.

Giving in to his sexual dominance, she relaxed, amazed at how much she trusted him, how much her wolf trusted this stranger. But he didn't feel like a stranger, he felt... right. Ivy knew he wouldn't hurt her. A surge of pleasure shot through her as she found that she like his dominance.

His cock ached from pent up desire. As he watched, her pleasure overwhelmed her and her body stiffened as she came. The small scream that broke from her made his wolf snarl in victory. His eyes lightened to bright yellow as his wolf demanded him to bite her, mark her, claim her as him. It took all he had, all he possessed, to wrestle his wolf back under control.

"So responsive to me, so fucking beautiful," he groaned, amazed at her.

"Oh my god, that was, that was..." Ivy gasped as her body shook, the aftermath of her orgasm nearly robbing her of breath. Her eyes focused on his jutting dick. "Oh lord, you-you didn't..."

"No, I didn't. But I'm going to teach you how to please me, too."

"But, I've never-"

"I know. We'll take it slow, my sweet. Kiss me first."

This time the kiss was harder, hotter, and much more aggressive. Pulling her with him, he lay back against the soft grass. Unsure and a little afraid, she ran a finger up his erection, watching it jump.

"God, it's so hard, so warm."

He locked his hands behind his head. Her light touch was driving him crazy, and he knew that if he got his hands on her, virgin or not, she would be under him in a heartbeat... while his damn wolf suggested hands and knees as a possible position. God.

"Wrap your hand around me," he said, his voice full of gravel.

Wrapped her hand around his length she began to pump him. Precum dripped from the top of his cock, wetting his shaft. Curious, she leaned down and tongued his erection, gently nuzzling up the length of him, and he nearly lost it right there, unable to believe she'd do that since she was so inexperienced.




Finding Love



"Ah shit," he groaned, arcing in her grip.

"Is-is-is this okay?"

"Fucking hell, yes! I just didn't expect you..."

His eyes rolled back in his head and his cock jumped against her lips as she blew at the moist head of his dick. Haltingly, she tasted him, running her tongue over the top of his cock, and then eased the head into her mouth, sucking on it as she rolled his balls in the other hand.

"Ahhh," he hissed as her untrained, wet... Christ, her virginal mouth encased him.

On her knees between his legs she cut her eyes up at him. He watched her slowly take him deeper into her mouth until she hit her gag reflex.

"Only take what you can handle," he moaned.

He knew that his control was on a slippery slope as he watched her lips move up and down his length. The tightening in his balls told him that his control was being tested and he was going to lose this particular battle.

"Aw, god, gonna cum. Pull off, my sweet!"

Quickly she pulled back as his hand captured hers and they stroked him to orgasm. Cum shot up his chest as his hip thrust again, and again. He reached his arm out to brush a lock of hair from her face as he started to fade away, the dream ending.   

"No! Wait! What's your name!" he yelled.

The last thing Ivy saw was a tattoo on his forearm of a shield with a crown in the middle.

* * * *

Seeing that her father would force her into a match no matter what, Ivy made plans to run. Her father went right on planning her mating to Zan as Ivy became more and more despondent. She felt so alone, so unwanted. Well, someone wanted her... that male from the dream.

"Oh god, that couldn't have been a dream. Could it? Maybe it was a vision," Ivy sighed, replaying the whole thing in her head. "Could he be the one, my mate? My wolf sure seems to think so."

The dream has been too real, and her response to her dream lover had been... well, overwhelming. He was everything she had ever wanted in a mate: loving, kind, and dominate without making her feel like less than him. How would she find him? Who was he? Did he even exist?

Later, when her mother brought her meal of bread and water, Ivy was told that during the party her father he planned to give her Zan officially. Ivy, on the other hand, planned to be long gone. If the man in her dream was real, if he existed, she planned to find him. Ivy spent the day locked in her small room, making plans.

Finally the day of Ivy's birthday dawned clear and crisp.

Ivy was packed and ready to go before the sun peeped over the horizon. Just as she slipped down the stairs, taking care not to step one the ones that squeaked, the front door opened and there stood her father. And he had five hulking, muscular men with him. Panicking, Ivy dropped her bag, and ran for her room, hoping she'd be able to jump through the window and escape that way. She never made it. Two of the men caught her at the top of the stairs and dragged her to her room.

"No! Let go of me!" Ivy yelled, fighting every step of the way. "Get your hands off me!"

Ivy's father stepped up to her and slapped her hard across the face. "Thought you'd run, huh? I should toss your worthless ass out into the street with nothing but the clothes on your back, but I won't. I won't be embarrassed in such a way. You'll marry the man I chose or I'll offer you to the Wolfland Pack. You want that, girl?"

Ivy dropped her head, defeat in every line of his body as she was pushed toward the bed. The Wolfland Pack was the most feared pack of werewolves in the western part of America. The things that were whispered about them made others keep away. Dear god, and their leader was reputed to be the most vicious of them all; a cold man that wouldn't hesitate to destroy anyone that got in the way of what he wanted. The pack was reputed to be involved in the human business world, too. Their influence and power was whispered to reach to the top of the government. No one crossed them... no one.

"Tie her to the bed until I return," Ivy's father said. "And if any of you touch her, I'll offer you to the Wolfland Pack."

"Please dad, don't do this," Ivy begged quietly as she was held down. "Don't make me do this. Doesn't my happiness mean anything to you?"

"Your happiness?" Dolmas sneered, then leaned in and spoke softly. "I don't give a damn about your happiness, girl. Hell, I'm not even sure you're my child. Your mother ran from me. Took me several months to find her, and within a month after she's back she's pregnant. I never wanted a girl child, but I damn well won't be made into a laughing stock in my own village by one such as you. You will marry Zan, even if I have to drag you to him tied and gagged. And Ivy, he'd probably like that."

Ivy watch in dismay as she father smirked at her, and then left the room, leaving her alone with these evil looking men. Shock overwhelmed her at what her father had said. Her mother had never even hinted that she could be a bastard, much less ran from her father!

But that explained so much... Her father's careless disregard to her feelings, lack of affection, and his disapproval she always sensed. Ivy didn't fight as they tied her arms to the bed, then her feet. Slowly she came out of the haze and fear rose swiftly, a foul taste in her mouth when she realized just how helpless she was now.

"A bastard, huh?" the nearest man said, eyeing Ivy's tied body. "Maybe we could-"

"Not touch her," the leader broke in. "Her father is one crazy son of a bitch. We stay here; keep his daughter under lock and key until time. Then we get our pay, and get the hell out of here."

Ivy lay tied to the bed, eyes closed as she listened to everyone moving around downstairs. All her plans were slowly dissolving before her eyes, and she was trapped; trapped by the one person who was supposed to love her. And the only thing that person cared about was his reputation. Determined not to cry, Ivy focused her mind, trying to figure a way out of this mess. Desperation made her pray for someone, anyone to save her.

* * * *

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Holland asked as Daylon made another loop around the Inner Chambers. "You've been pacing since we got here."

Holland was a younger man in his late twenties, and Daylon's second in command. His short brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, and baby face often reminded the girls of a cute puppy. But he was a holy terror in battle, thus earning the rank of First Lieutenant to his pack.

"I... don't know," Daylon replied as he stopped to look out one of the windows. "I have this feeling of anguish, of desperation. I can't sit still, and I feel like I need to... Damn, I don't know; I just feel like I need to do something."

Daylon was the Alpha Leader of his wolf pack. He turned thirty not long ago and controlled one of the strongest wolf packs in the area.

"When did this start?" Holland asked as he moved closer to Daylon.

"Early this morning, and it's getting worse," Daylon said as he closed his eyes. "I'm needed. I need to be somewhere. There's this feeling of helplessness-"

"Fuck. Is Sam still here?" Holland asked, seeing his friend's distress. "Maybe he can see something, see what's causing this."

"Yeah, he's in the garden. Hurry Holland, the feeling of... finality is getting worse, and there's fear mixed in now. Damn it, I'm about ready to crawl out of my skin."

"Be right back," Holland said, walking out of the room quickly.

Several minutes later Holland and Sam returned. Sam was a tall, well-built man with short, dark brown hair that had gray around the temple and deep set brown eyes. His skin had an olive tone of a Mediterranean heritage. He was a psychic and was high in their Council hierarchy.

"Sit down, my friend," Sam said. "I can't do this and chase you around the room, too."

"Hurry, Sam," Daylon said quietly as he sat. "I can't shake the feeling that something is horribly wrong."

Taking several deep breathes; Sam closed his eyes and emptied his mind of the usual day-to-day issues and problems that exists in ones conscience. Once his mind was a cleared field, he opened himself, embracing the psychic current that flowed around all living things. Holland dragged a chair over for Sam. Opening his eyes, he sat down.

"Close your eyes, and try to focus on what you feel the most," Sam said. "See it; hold it close to you so that I can see it too."

"Yeah, okay. I'm trying to," Daylon replied while he focused on the worse of the feelings.

Several minutes passed as Sam followed the link he had found. And it was a strong one, too. An image exploded in his head of someone, and Sam cringed. There, tied to a bed, was a beautiful young woman with clear, pale skin and dark red hair. The horror, desperation, and fear in those lovely emerald eyes slammed into Sam with the force of an earthquake.

Sweating lightly, he looked around the room, taking note that the young woman wasn't alone. Five rough looking men were with her, and seemed to be holding her captive. The white-washed room was small, and plainly furnished. It held a small bed, and a beat up dresser. An ugly, old desk held a small TV and laptop. Glancing out the window Sam noticed a mature tree close to the bedroom that had branches' scraping the window. Moving to the window he looked out, hoping to find something that could pin-point where this little hideous room was located.

Nothing, Sam thought. Sighing deeply, he tried to focus on the conversation in the room.

Listening to the conversation, Sam hoped to find a clue who she was or where she was being held. Moments later a large man walked into the room, and Sam shuddered. This was the clue he needed, the answer to the puzzle of where this was taking place. The man was Dolmas O'Farrell and was well known for his hot-headed, heavy-handed attitude.

Dear merciful lord, Sam thought, looking at the young woman. Could she be...?

The young woman tied to the bed had the same red hair and green eyes as Dolmas's wife, Mary, Sam remembered. He growled silently as he noticed that there were bruises on her face and arms. Since Sam was seeing all this through Daylon, he decided to test something. Taking a step closer to the young woman on the bed Sam gently touched her arm... and the reaction was immediate in all three.

She moaned softly on the bed, surprise on her face. Sam vision wavered as he was pounded by the emotions from both her and Daylon. He clearly saw the golden colored threads that were wrapping around the woman, and watched as they reached out, moving past Sam to arch through space toward Daylon. Sam felt the desire, burning brightly, that flowed between the two. Daylon suddenly grabbed the chair arms as his body reacted to the red haired woman on the bed.

"Fucking hell, that's her!" Daylon hissed. "The one from my dreams. I'd know that innocence anywhere. What the hell is going on, Sam?"

"That, my friend, is your mate," Sam said, as the vision faded out. "And she's an O'Farrell. Her name is Ivy."

* * * *

Ivy struggled to hide her reaction. For a few brief moments there had been the figure of a shadowy man in her room. The other men in the room with her didn't react to him, so she assumed only she could see him. He moved around the room, searching; it seemed like he was trying to figure out what was going on around him. When he moved closer to her, she tried not to show any reaction.

Then he touched her, and Christ almighty, the ability to remain calm abandoned her. But he wasn't the one that caused her body to react. She saw the golden colored threads that wrapped around her body reaching out past the shadowy man to... him. The one from her dream. He was sitting in a chair and the threads lazily drifted through the air until they touched him, and desire slammed the both of them.

Straining to hear what he was frantically saying, she watched in disbelief was the vision, or whatever it was, faded. Despair flooded her as he vanished from her sight.

"Nooo..." she whispered softly.

"What?" One of the men in the room, Molar, demanded.

"Nothing," Ivy said, turning her head away.

"Look, you little-"

"Leave her alone," Faulk, their leader, snapped. "Just leave her the hell alone."

"What's up your ass, man?" Molar asked.

"I have... I have a bad feeling about this," Faulk replied. "A very bad feeling. I could've sworn I saw... It seemed like there was someone here in the room with us. Telepathy. And for a second I thought I saw... his Alpha."

The other men in the room shifted nervously. Their leader was well known for his 'feelings' and it didn't pay to ignore them.

"Shit. Only one pack has members with that ability, and I damn sure don't wanna fuck with them. Are you saying we should back out of this job?" Molar asked. "If so, you need to tell us now, man. The last time we ignored one of your damn feelings, we lost two members of our group."

"Yeah," Faulk said slowly. "Yeah, we need to get ghost. This shit is fixing to blow up, especially if that was who I think it was. We want no part of what's coming down."

The men were moving to the door when Dolmas opened it.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"We're outta here," Faulk replied.

"The hell you are. I paid you for a job and-"

"Keep your damn money. We're clearing out, now."

"What the hell is going on? You're reputed to be some of the most fearless mercenaries around," Dolmas said.

"Look man, you got a shit storm coming down on you, and we want no part of it. So get the hell out of the way," Faulk said.

"Damn it, what are you talking about?" Dolmas exclaimed.

"That girl has a mate and he's coming for her, and soon, unless I miss my guess. And we don't plan to be here when he shows up," Faulk said as he pushed pass Dolmas.

"Of course she has a mate, I chose him myself. You were told that in the beginning," Dolmas said, his annoyance clear as he following them down the stairs. "She's gonna be mated to him shortly."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Faulk replied as he and his men walked to their cars.

"Fine, you bunch of pussies. I'll deal with this myself."

"You better tread carefully, old man. That's all I'm gonna say," Faulk said as he closed the door in Dolmas' face.

"Get the hell off my property then," Dolmas growled. "You worthless-"

"Listen up, Pops. If her mate is who I think it is, you better make nice, you got me? You don't wanna tangle with this asshole who's her mate, trust me."

"She's my daughter, and she'll marry who I say. You got me?" Dolmas snarled.

Faulk stared at the old man. "Don't say I didn't warn ya."

* * * *

Dolmas stormed back up to Ivy's room, slammed the door open and unsheathed his knife. Frantically Ivy shook her head as her father approached. Uncaring if he nicked the tender skin on her hands and feet, he cut the ropes that bound her. Opening her closet, he grabbed a long, flowing white dress and threw it at her.

"You got thirty minutes to make yourself presentable," Dolmas snarled. "Do not disobey, girl, or I'll haul you to Zan in the first thing I grab. Maybe this nice sheer night gown. Take a shower and get ready. And your brothers are near, just in case."

Yanking the door shut, he left Ivy sitting in the bed, trying to still her pounding heart. The fear she felt when her father burst in to the room with that knife... Thrusting her hair out of her face, she eyed that hateful dress. An overwhelming need to rip to pieces, cut it into tiny little shreds had Ivy up and moving towards it before she caught herself.

Glancing down, she noticed her claws had lengthened. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to leave the damn dress alone. Her father's threat rang clearly in her mind. Moving slowly to the bathroom, Ivy finally gave up hope. There was no escape, no way to stop what her father planned. She would have to marry Zan, be his mate, and hope to god he wasn't as bad as she had heard.

* * * *

"That name," Daylon growled. "Where have I heard that name before?"

"Her father is a village Elder. He's a right bastard, too," Sam said. "But Daylon... We have a problem. From what I overheard while I was in that room he plans to mate her, unwillingly, to someone. Today. As in very fucking soon."

A loud, savage growl sounded that had everyone's attention focused on Daylon immediately. His eyes turned bright yellow, and his long, sharp fangs dropped down. The wolf in him was taking over.

"Oh... fuck that! I'll rip the bastard apart with my bare hands!" Daylon snarled. "She's mine!"

"Damn it to hell and back!" Holland yelled. "Get it under control, man! We got a limited amount of time, and no time for you to go all caveman on us!"

Daylon stood in the Inner Chamber, fist clenched, and fought his wolf back, barely. "Where is she?"

"Their village is on the southern border of our territory," Sam said. "If we drive like a bat out of hell we might be there in forty-five minutes. Maybe."

"We leave now! Gather fifteen of our best warriors and meet me in the compound's garage," Daylon said.

"Thank god we got back from New York a couple of days ago," Holland said as Daylon stormed out. "Shit. Think we'll make it?"

"God help us all if we don't," Sam said, frantically calling the best warriors they had. "He'll kill her mate, you know that, right? Then claim her. And her father won't escape his wrath either. Jesus, if he's the one that put those bruises on her-"

"Let's fucking go! Now!" Daylon yelled.

"Fuck," Sam mumbled. "Holland, try to keep him from killing anyone this time, okay?"

"Do what I can," Holland said.

Three black Escalades torn out of the compound.

* * * *

Ivy was dressed and waiting for her father. Her mother had come to her room earlier to help button up the god-awful long line of buttons that went down the back of the dress. It was a beautiful, wispy dress that hugged her upper body, and flared out around her hips. It ended past her knees and was covered in lace. The bodice fit her breasts perfectly, and was sleeveless with a deep v-cut neck. The final touch was the flower wedding veil made from daisies.

"Please, sweetie," Ivy's mother, Mary, pleaded. "Try to make the best of this union."

"Stop, mom," Ivy said, her mind numb. "I'm being forced into this match. I don't want this, everyone knows that. But what I do want to know one thing. Is it true?"

"What... do you mean?" Mary asked.

"Am I a bastard?"

"Sweet Mother of God, no you are not!" she cried. "I have no idea why or how your father got that idea-"

"He hates me," Ivy said, tears in her eyes. "And the feeling is mutual, too."

"Sweetie-"

"No, don't you "sweetie" me. I'll never forgive him for this. Damn it, why did you go back to him? You should have never come back, mom. He treats you just as bad as me!"

"You're assuming I had a choice," Mary said quietly.

"Christ."

"Not another word, honey. I hear him coming," she said.

The walk to their packs Inner Chambers was the longest in Ivy's life. She noted that there was a flower encased arch, done in daisy's to match her veil, at the rear of the chamber. She wondered how they had managed to get things together so fast, then decided that she could care less. Ten minutes later Ivy and her dad were standing before the Alpha of their pack. Ivy stood, swaying next to the male she would be mated to her the rest of her life. Many of their pack had attended.

* * * *

"Hurry, damn it! Times running out," Daylon snarled. "Sweat to god, if he touches her I'll-"

"You need to calm down, Daylon," Sam said. "We need to do this, if possible, with no bloodshed. Fuck, man, don't turn this into a blood bath! Again."

"Yeah, yeah, okay. Shit. Look, as long as no one gets in my way, we're cool. Otherwise, no promises," Daylon replied.




Finding Love



"How we gonna do this?" Holland asked.

"They'll do it at their Inner Chamber. We get there, split up, take over and stop this fucking thing. I doubt we'll meet resistance, but if we do... kill them," Daylon shrugged.

"Oh, I don't think we'll have any problems once they get a load of you, my friend," Holland laughed. "Your reputation is far reaching."

"It has its advantages all right," Daylon smirked.

* * * *

Dolmas walked a wide-eyed, trembling Ivy down the aisle to Zan. Ivy flinched as Zan eye's undressed her right there in front of everyone.

"Soon," Zan whispered, "I'm gonna fuck you until you scream for me, bitch."

Ivy's stomach lurched up towards her throat. Finally the Alpha leader lifted his hand and the mating ceremony started. Five minutes into it Ivy wondered what would happen if she passed out in the middle of it.

"Can anyone give just cause why these two should not be mated?" the Alpha leader asked.

Silence greeted the Alpha leader. Then the doors were thrown open and men swarmed the chamber.

"Well, you mean besides the fact that he'll be dead before you finish the ceremony?" A hard voice rang out. "Yeah, I can give just cause. She's mine!"

"Oh lord..." Ivy gasped.

He's here! Ivy thought. He's really here!

"Now, just a fucking minute," Dolmas sputtered.

"Old man, you don't want to get in my way, unless you wish to die today. And I should kill you for the things you have done to her, and the bruises' on her. Back the fuck off, and maybe you'll see the sun rise tomorrow. I won't warn you again."

Dolmas shrank back away from the black haired warrior. Whispers raged up and down the aisles from the people that gathered. A man, dressed in black strode up the aisle. It was the man from her dream, only this time the gentle lover was gone and in his place was a furious warrior, intent on stopping the mating ceremony. His men spread through the chambers, taking up defensive locations. His sky blue eyes narrowed on Zan who immediately stumbled away from Ivy, shaking and sweating.

"Oh god," Ivy whispered, awed by the powerful display.

"My flame haired beauty," he whispered, stepping up to Ivy. "I claim you as my mate. Come with me, Ivy?"

Who-who are you?"

"My name is Daylon..."

The whispers were gaining in strength as Ivy struggled with what was happening around her. Who was this male that could bring everything to a stand-still like this; who inspired such fear in the others? Finally the name that was being whispered so fearfully penetrated Ivy's mind....

"I'm the Alpha of the Wolfland Pact."

That was the last thing Ivy heard as darkness swept over her.

To be continued... 



Finding Love



I, finally, got to the perfect position and I would be able to observe what was happening in the courtyard of the building where our target was being held prisoner. The rest of the SEAL team would arrive in about ten minutes to effect the rescue of our target. My name is Rick Steiger. I am a lieutenant in the United States Navy attached to SEAL Team 12.

My job was to observe and take any action necessary to insure that the rescue mission was successful. I was situated approximately eight hundred meters on a hillside above site. Unslinging the M170A sniper rifle from my shoulder I quickly removed the caps from the high powered scope and dialed in the ranges. As I completed the task I reflected on our mission. The target was John O'Hara, the president and CEO of O'Hara Construction. He had been kidnapped outside his hotel in Kandahar, Afghanistan. He was in the country overseeing the construction of a hospital dedicated to treating women and children in this war torn country. 

Apparently, the Taliban insurgents who kidnapped him found this to be unacceptable to their vision of how women and children were to be treated. He was taken to a remote village and held prisoner, along with others who disagreed with them. Our job was to get him out safe and alive. 

We had been flown in by Navy heloes and dropped in a landing zone some five kilometers from the village. I went ahead to the site that had been selected during the planning stage of the mission to observe and direct the remainder of the team in effecting the rescue. As I sighted in on the court yard, I wiped what I thought was sweat from my forehead. My hand came back covered in blood, my blood. God, I was tired and wanted to close my eyes and rest, but I knew I couldn't. Focus, Rick, focus, I told myself over and over.

Suddenly there was movement in the courtyard. A man emerged from the building and set up a tripod with a video camera attached. He held another camera in his hand. Two more men emerged with a third being half dragged into the center of the courtyard. The third man I recognized from our briefing photos. It was John O'Hara. With his hands bound behind his back he was forced to his knees. One of the men was holding a curved sword. 

Shit! I knew what they were planning to do. Cut his head off and film it for propaganda purposes just like what happened to that Wall Street Journal reporter a couple of years ago. My team was still several minutes out from the rescue effort. I chambered a round and flipped the safety off my rifle. 

As the guy with the sword raised it above his head for the killing blow I fired. Without waiting to see the results of my shot I sighted in on the second man. As he reached for the pistol on his waist, I fired again. The guy with the camera, who had been filming the entire episode, dropped to his knees and raised his hands above his head as the first of my SEAL Team members stormed into the courtyard. It would be several months before I would see the results of my shots. The video was focused on the sword wielder face when a small nickel

size hole appeared on his forehead at the same instant the back of his head exploded spewing brains, blood and bone fragments. The second shot was caught on the tripod mounted camera and showed the second man withdrawing his pistol from his belt as my round struck him sending the weapon and three of his fingers flying across the paving stones. 

I closed my eyes and thought to myself that I would just rest for a few minutes before rejoining my team. That was the last thing I remembered.



Chapter Two

Beep . . . Beep . . . Beep. I awoke to the sound of the machine monitoring my heart rate. Lying in a bed I became aware of my surroundings. A nurse, who had been adjusting the flow rate of one of the several I.V.s spoke to me. 

"Welcome back to the land of the living lieutenant. Don't try to talk just yet. The doctor will be along shortly to remove that tube from your throat and answer all your questions."

I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep. The next thing I knew I was being poked and prodded. Opening my eyes I saw several people standing around my bed. "OK, son. You had us all worried about you for awhile. I am Doctor Taylor and I think you are going to be all right."

He went on to tell me the extent of my injuries. A fractured skull, three broken ribs and multiple lacerations to my arms and legs. I had lost a lot of blood and only the quick action of my comrades saved my ass. 

As I found out later two of my team mates found me and rushed me to the LZ, got me on the helo and I was flown to a field hospital where I was stabilized and then flown back to a carrier. From there I received further treatment and put aboard an evac jet. They told me the pilots put the pedal-to-the-metal and flew me at near mach 1.5 speeds to a military hospital in Germany. It was there that surgery was performed to relieve the pressure on my brain from the skull fracture. Then it was decided to keep me in a medically induced coma until the swelling in my brain went down. Ten days later I was flown back to the States and gradually brought out of the coma. 

Once I regained consciousness my recovery proceeded rather quickly. During my de-briefing I was told how my injuries occurred. Based on the reports of the team members who found me there was evidence of a fierce hand-to-hand fight between me and five enemy combatants. One of them had clubbed me with the butt of his AK-47 assault rifle causing my skull fracture. Somehow I managed to eliminate all five before taking up my position and shooting the two guards who were about to kill John O'Hara. 

About ten days after my transfer to Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland a nurse entered my room and announced. "You have some visitors. Shall I allow them in to see you?"

After securing my approval she left and soon returned with my two visitors. One I immediately recognized as John O'Hara. The second visitor was a very attractive woman with red hair who he introduced as his wife Carol.

"I am so very happy to see that you are on the road to recovery and I came to express my heartfelt thank you for what you did and the personal sacrifices you made in saving my life," he said gratefully.

His wife stepped over to my bed and grasping my face with both her hands bent down and kissed me on my forehead. With tears in her eyes she thanked me over and over for saving her husband. "I can't begin to express my gratitude to you for giving me back my husband. If there is anything, anything at all that you ever need or want do not hesitate to ask us."

There was a lot of emotion in that room just then. I know I had tears in my eyes as well as the the two of them. 

For the next two hours we sat and visited. I found out that they had two daughters, one of which was married with two small children. Their younger daughter was studying to be a veterinarian at the University of Florida. They lived just a few miles from the school. 

"Wow! What a small world. I went to UF as well." I said.

"I know" he replied softly. "Please don't be angry with me but I did some investigating about you. I know that your parents were both killed in automobile accident just before you got your commission and you have no living family. I, also, know you did very well in college and received degrees in civil engineering and architecture. You were number one in your class at BUDS and at SEAL training and the men under your command could not say enough great things about you."  

As they got ready to leave, John asked me if they could visit with me again. 

"Sure." I replied jokingly. "I am not going any where any time soon and I would really appreciate your company."

Grasping my hand, with both of his, he once again expressed his thanks and reiterated his wife's offer of assistance in anything I might need or want. Carol, once again, kissed me on my forehead as she left promising to return the next day.

Over the next several weeks not a day went by when I did not see John and Carol. I looked forward to these daily visits. They both did so much to lift my spirits and sped my recovery along.

In the middle of November my doctor walked into the room as I was visiting with John and Carol. They were ready to leave to allow me to consult with the doctor but I asked them to stay and listen to what he said. 

Essentially, he told me I was ready to be discharged from the hospital but he was at a loss as to where I could go. Because of the seriousness of my head trauma I should not be driving and would need someone to check up on me from time-to-time. Other than that I was fully capable of looking after myself. The BOQ was ruled out as well as any rehab centers, as I did not require any physical therapy.

At that point Carol interrupted. "He will be coming home with us and will stay as long as necessary!" John was quick to echo her statement. 

Looking at the doctor he said. "Just tell us when he'll be ready to go and I'll make all the necessary arrangements for transportation and anything else he may need." 

Looking at me, he continued. "No arguments. Carol and I have already discussed this possibility and we are in complete agreement. You will come home with us." 



Chapter Three

Three days later I found myself on board a Gulfstream business jet flying from Washington D.C. to the Gainesville Regional Airport. My uniforms and what little civilian clothing I possessed had been packed and shipped the day before.

Upon arrival, the planed taxied to the north side of the field where the private planes were located and we were met by a Lincoln Navigator SUV. The driver, an older man, along with John, assisted me in exiting the plane and then over to the car. Forty-five minutes later we arrived at John and Carol's home. The house was situated on approximately ten acres overlooking Paynes Prairie, a sixteen thousand acre freshwater marshland. 

John had already told me there was a two bedroom, fully furnished apartment just off the pool deck. He thought I would appreciate the privacy it would afford me for my stay. Even though it had a fully functioning kitchen, I would have all my meals with them in the main house.

"Come on let's get you settled in and then we can relax in the main house before dinner. I want to introduce you to my daughter, her husband and my grand children." He said getting out of the SUV.

It wasn't too long before I was comfortably seated in his library/office with a glass of fine single malt scotch in my hand. 

"Rick, I would like you to meet Patricia and her husband Scott O'Brien. And these two little ladies are my granddaughters Catherine and Barbara." He said.

Both little girls were just adorable, hiding behind their mother and father, just barely peeking out at me. Dropping to one knee from my chair I asked, "and how old are you, Catherine?"

"I'm five," she replied.

"I'm Barbara and I'm three," the little one said holding up three fingers.

"What are all those pretty things on your coat" Catherine asked pointing to the ribbons and medals on my uniform jacket.

Oh.... they are something pretty to look at aren't they?" I replied and went on to explain what each of the campaign ribbons symbolized. 

"Ohhhh. I like The heart ones. Did you get them for 'Valtine' Day?" She asked sweetly.

"No, honey" her daddy interrupted with a chuckle. "He didn't get them for Valentine's Day. Sometimes when men and women go to war they get hurt fighting bad guys. Those medals are called Purple Hearts, and they are very special."

"Wow! Were you shot? Can we see the bullet holes? Barbara excitedly asked.

"Not today sweetie. Maybe one day when you come over to swim in the pool and I'm in a bathing suit you can see them." I responded.

"What about the ones with stars?" Catherine asked me.

Again Scott answered his daughters. "This one is the Bronze Star and this one is the Silver Star. They are both awarded to someone who was very, very brave." 

With the curiosity of the little girls somewhat satisfied, Carol ushered them from the room with promises of cookies waiting for them after dinner. 

" I am so sorry for my daughter's questions." Patricia said apologizing to me.

"They didn't mean to embarrass you. They are just so curious." 

"Please, no apology is necessary. I think your little girls are adorable and I wasn't embarrassed in the least. Besides how else will they learn if they didn't ask questions?" I replied.

Our conversation continued for for the next quarter hour or so. They wanted to know about my past and how I ended up in the SEALs. I told them about my time here at the University of Florida and that my commanding officer of the NROTC unit was a former SEAL and his influence on my decision. 

At that point Carol announced that dinner would be ready in ten minutes and we should wash up and come into the dining room.

John looked at his watch and asked, "Where is Susan? She promised me she would be here for dinner."

"Oh, she called a few minutes ago. She is running a little late. Tyler was late picking her up after her last class," Carol answered.

The look on John's face told me he definitely was not happy with the news. I heard him muttering something about "that damn kid" but passed it off as something between father and daughter.

Just as we were sitting down to dinner, a younger version of Carol entered the room, expressing her apologies. She was a green-eyed, red head with just a sprinkling of freckles across her nose. She kissed her father and I could see she had him wrapped around her finger. 

"I am so sorry daddy. Tyler was late picking me up and then we ran into all that horrible traffic leaving campus. Please forgive me, please," she asked sweetly.

At the mention of his name, my gaze left her and focused on him. He was shorter by about two inches and didn't appear to be as physically fit as me. He, also, had a annoyed look on his face as Susan interacted with her father and mother. It was if he wanted to be anyplace but here.

After introductions were made we sat down for dinner. Susan was bubbling and animated as she spoke with her family, especially her nieces. Of course, both of them had to tell their aunt all about my ribbons and medals. In talking about my two Purple Hearts, Barbara had to tell her that she couldn't wait to see my 'bullet holes'. Everyone had a good laugh about that. All except Tyler. I think he felt threatened by my presence for some reason.

After dinner we adjourned to the library and the children went upstairs to watch a Disney movie with their grandmother. I excused myself after ten or fifteen minutes to use the bathroom. As I returned I had to pass down through the hallway next to the living room. 

Susan and Tyler were standing in there and I overheard him say "I don't care. I want him out of here. I don't like him staying in the same house with you."

"This is my father's home. I don't know why he invited Lieutenant Steiger to stay with us and I can't tell him who to invite or how long they may stay. If you don't like it. You tell him," she replied with an annoyed sound to her voice.

"You know I can't do that. He'd take my head clean off. Besides, I don't think he likes me that much," he responded angrily. "Come on let's go. I don't want to stay here a minute longer."

When I got back to the library, John informed me that Susan and Tyler had just left. "Something about a movie they wanted to see or something." He didn't sound too pleased about it but refrained from saying anything else. 

The rest of the evening was spent in pleasant conservation about Scott's job with the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE). He had some interesting stories to tell and I found him to be a really nice guy. Patricia worked part-time for her father and was a full time mom. About ten o'clock I excused myself as it had been a long day and I needed some sleep.

The next morning I left my bedroom and was surprised to see Susan sitting at the table of the apartment's small kitchen with a cup of coffee, a textbook and her notebook. She did not look happy. She looked up from her book and pasted a slight smile on her face. 

"I guess daddy forgot to tell you that I use the other bedroom in the apartment. It is easier for me with my comings and goings and it affords me some peace and quiet to study," she explained.

It now became clear to me why Tyler was unhappy about my presence. But, that was his problem, not mine. "Ok. I'll try to stay out of your way as much as possible," I responded.

"I am sorry that I had to leave so early last night. But Tyler wanted to see a movie and last night was the last showing." She buried her nose in her textbook and said to help myself to some coffee on the counter top. 

As I poured a cup of coffee I heard her talking softly to herself. "I just don't understand this. What am I going to do, what am I going to do?

I turned back from the counter and asked. "What are you studying?"

"Calculus II, and I am completely lost. I have put off taking this class for a couple of semesters and now I had no choice but to take it. It is the only thing keeping me from my degree and if I don't pass it I don't graduate. It's just so hard. Right now I am failing it big time." She said almost crying.

"Yeah. I know it's hard. I had to take it for my degree too. Maybe I can help you," I offered.

"Oh would you? I have a test tomorrow and I just have to pass it."

"Sure," I said pulling out a chair and sitting next to her. 

For the next three hours I explained to her how to solve some of the problems in that chapter and showed her some tricks for deciding what she needed to do in order to pass the test. When we finished she told me she thought she finally understood what was going on.

I offered to continue helping her until the final exam if she wanted. 

"Would you? Please. I really need the help." She said with a smile. "I've got to go. I promised Patricia I would go shopping with her and the girls this afternoon."

Later that day as John and I were talking he said to me. "It is hard not to be able to tell my kids and my friends why you are staying with us and what you did to save my life. Both Carol and I were sworn to keep it all secret until the Pentagon unclassified the operation."

"I know how disruptive my being here is for you and your family. Maybe I should find someplace......." I began.

"NO! Don't even think about it. You will do no such thing. I am so very proud of you and what you did that I want everybody to know all about it. You are more than just my guest you are my friend and you will have a place to stay until you have fully recovered or longer," he stated forcefully.

About that time Carol and her daughters and grand daughters entered the room. "Look what we got" the two little girls shouted at the same time. 

The next day I got up early and started in working out. I started by alternately walking and jogging to regain my previous level of fitness. By the time I returned, Susan had left for school and her dreaded calculus test.

Later in the afternoon, after I had finished swimming laps in the pool, Susan rushed out on the pool deck shouting. "I passed it...I passed it. Thank you so much, Rick."

When she calmed down she told me that not only had she passed the test she got all the problems right. After class, her professor stopped her and asked her how she managed to go from not passing any of the previous tests to getting a perfect paper on this one. She told him that she had some help. He told her he would like to meet her helper.



Chapter Four

Ten o'clock Wednesday morning, Susan drove me to the university campus to meet her calculus professor. After finding a space in the student commuter parking lot, we walked over to Little Hall where the Mathematics Department offices were located. Finding his office Susan walked to the reception secretary and asked to see Professor Paul Jaeger. I said nothing as we were admitted to his office and Susan informed him that she brought her tutor to see him.




Finding Love



The professor was sitting at his desk with his back toward the door. As he turned around in his desk chair his mouth fell open. 

"Frederick", he exclaimed. "Mein Gott," lapsing into German "is it really you? It must be five, no ten, years since I've seen you."

Answering him in German, I replied. "Ja. It has been ten years since I took your class in Quantum Mathematics. But, we should speak in English, as Susan doesn't speak German." 

"Ach! I am sorry Susan. It is somewhat of a shock to see Frederick again after all these years." He stood and walked around his desk to shake my hand and then engulfed me in a bear hug. 

"It's good to see you again, Paul." I should have, at least, called you when I returned to Gainesville. But things have been somewhat hectic the past few days. Please don't be too upset with me for my bad manners."

"Frederick, Susan, please sit. I must hear everything of what you have been doing since you graduated. Susan, I must tell you many things about Frederick. Things I am sure he has not told you about himself."

For the next hour Professor told Susan everything about his relationship with me. 

He knew me as Frederic Karl Steiger, my legal name. I preferred to be called Rick, but he couldn't change his old ways. I was an eighteen year old student enrolled in the most advance mathematics courses the university had to offer. I excelled in his classes and he did everything he could think of to test my capabilities. He told her he could never find anything I could not handle. 

After a while we had become more than just student and professor, we became friends. When my parents were killed in the car accident, he became much more than just my friend. When he learned of my commitment to the Navy, he was unhappy about it, but did everything he could do to encourage me to pursue my dreams.

Susan sat spellbound listening to all he had to say. 

Finally, she looked at me and asked, "So what you said about calculus being so hard wasn't exactly true? Why did you let me think you had difficulties with it too?"

"Because, if I said it was easy, you would think you were the only one to struggle with it. I didn't want you to develop a fear of higher level mathematics. I am sorry if I misled you." 

It was then that Paul jumped back into the conservation explaining to Susan that one of the best things about me was my ability to teach others without making them feel uncomfortable or inadequate. He always thought I should have become a university professor and utilized my talent.

For the next half hour I caught Paul up on what I had been doing since graduation. I did not talk about any of my awards or commendations as I didn't want to him to think I was anything but the student he had come to respect and care about. I am sure he noticed the ribbon bars on my uniform but refrained from asking about what they represented.

After a quick lunch, Susan went to her only class of the day and I went over to Van Fleet Hall where the NROTC quarters were located. After reporting to the commanding officer, I went to the executive office and asked if there was anything I could do help or encourage any of the midshipmen. 

"Any time you could devote would be greatly appreciated", he told me. I am sure the CO had my service record in front of him before I left that afternoon and the word would be passed around very quickly.

As Susan left her class and walked to the Reitz Student Union where we had agreed to meet, a lot of questions swirled around in her thoughts. Why did her father invite Rick into his home? . . . why was he so open about his awards and medals with her young nieces and not with adults? . . . why didn't I say anything about Professor Jaeger before they went to his office? She realized that there was a lot more to this young man who had entered her life.

After meeting up at the student union, they walked to her car and drove back home. All she could get him to talk about was his visit to Van Fleet Hall and his plans to go there to help out where ever he was needed. Try as she might she couldn't get him to answer any of the questions swirling about in her mind.

Upon arriving home they were met by her father who asked Rick if he could have a word with him in private. This request just fueled her desire to find out what was going on.

Entering the library, John closed the door behind us, leaving Susan standing in the hallway frustrated with curiosity.

"Rick, I've had a telephone call from Admiral Sanderson's office at the Pentagon this afternoon. They told me that the entire operation was to be de-classified and that the story would break in the near future, complete with the edited versions of the capture video." 

"Well, you know what that will mean?," was my reply. 

"Yeah." He answered. "There will be a lot of reporters and media people nosing around asking all kinds of questions. Are you up to facing them? 

"What choice do I have? I feel uncomfortable being in the spotlight. Can you help minimize the interviews?" 

"Sure. We'll decide after we see what will be facing you after the story breaks.," he promised.



Chapter Five

It was the following Monday night and Susan had a date with her boyfriend, Tyler. I happened to be in the main house talking with Scott and Patricia when he showed up. While waiting for Susan to finish getting ready, he walked into the library and interrupted our conversation. The whole thrust of his conversation was to make us aware of just how important he was in his position as a teaching assistant to one of the English professor at Santa Fe Community College. He just went on and on, never giving us a chance to talk. 

After a few minutes Susan appeared and they left. She looked absolutely beautiful and Patricia immediately picked up the look on my face. 

"I don't know what she sees in that pompous asshole. He's so full of himself I don't think he even noticed how pretty she looked tonight. But you did, didn't you?," directing her comment to me.

"Scott, why don't you and Rick go out and have a few beers. I'll stay here with the kids as mom and dad left for New York earlier today," talking to her husband giving him a slight wink and knowing look.

"Great idea, hon. Come on Rick you need to get out and have a little fun," he said to me adding, "you better get a jacket as it is a little nippy out tonight."

I agreed and went to grab a jacket from my room. While I was gone Patricia gave Scott his instructions of what to do for the evening.

Settling back in the front seat of Scott's Ford F-150 extended cab pickup we took off for downtown Gainesville. "The first place we're going to is called 'Stubbies and Steins'. They have over 400 different beers. If you can't find one there that you like, it doesn't exist." Scott explained. "And it is a different sort of crowd there. Mostly older and professionals. It's not really a student hangout."

He was right. The place was relatively quiet with the patrons enjoying a quality drink in a German beer hall atmosphere. I had two beers and Scott only one as he was driving. 

Two hours later we were headed to a place right across the street from the campus called 'The Swamp'. This was definitely a student hang-out, but not very noisy or crowded tonight as it was a Monday night after a big football weekend. We found a couple of seats at the bar and ordered drinks; bourbon for me and club soda for Scott. Turning around to survey the sparse crowd, Scott nudged me and pointed to a table on the other side of the room.

"Well, will you look who's here. It's the asshole.," Scott said. 

I looked over and sure enough, there sat Susan and Tyler along with another couple and two other guys. From what I could see it appeared that Tyler was monopolizing the entire conversation at the table. 

I turned away and said. "Maybe we should just finish our drinks and find someplace else to go." 

"Too late for that." Scott said. "She's seen us and is headed our way."

As I turned back around Susan said. "Scott...Rick... what are you two doing here?"

Before she could say anything else, Tyler walked up with a decidedly unhappy and angry look on his face. "Hey guys. What's the reason for your being here? You were just leaving, right?"

I had just about as much as I could stomach from this jerk but before I could reply Scott spoke up. 

"I don't think that is any of your business. What? Do we need your permission to drink here now? So why don't you just take your ass back to your friends and sit down. Maybe they are impressed with you, but we're not," he said with a good deal of venom in his voice.

Susan then directed a tirade at me. "You have no business here. You are embarrassing me no end. Just leave! Get out of my life! I don't want to see you ever again! Tyler is more of a man than you could ever be! Just disappear!" 

Before Scott could reply to her outburst, I grabbed him and said. "Come on Scott. No need to create any more of a scene. She's made her choice."

All of a sudden the t.v. sets that had been tuned to a replay of the previous Saturday's football game were interrupted by an announcement. 

"We interrupt this programming for a message from the President of the United States." 

The picture then shifted to the President standing behind a podium displaying the Presidential Seal. He was flanked by members of his staff as well as several men in uniform.

He began speaking . . . "At three AM this morning a task force of agents from Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs and the F.B.I., acting on reliable intelligence, began raiding houses and warehouse storage facilities in New York City, Washington D.C., Chicago, Los Angles and San Francisco. In these raids across the country, fifty-nine members from the Al Qeada terrorist organization were arrested and taken into custody. Also, five low level nuclear weapons were seized. These bombs were to have been detonated in the days preceding the Christmas Holidays to maximize casualties among the throngs of holiday shoppers."

He went on to say that the threat had been adverted and there was no longer any danger to American lives or property. The weapons were in the process of being disarmed and those responsible for building these weapons had been discovered and were also taken into custody by authorities overseas.

The President then answered several questions from the assembled press and media. Finally, one reporter asked. "Mr. President. Can you tell us where this 'intelligence' came from?"

"To answer that question I will defer to Admiral Sanderson, Head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff." 

Stepping aside he allowed Admiral Sanderson to replace him at the podium. 

The admiral explained about a rescue of an American citizen held captive in Afghanistan and the capture of two of his terrorist guards. . . . "and as it turned out one of them had been a close confidant of Osama Bin Laden and was privy to details of this plot which was, in part, to avenge his death a year earlier under a different president's administration."

The President than regained the podium and said. "I have authorized the Pentagon in making some portions of a captured video made during this raid available to the media." And with that the press conference was over.

The picture then returned back to the studio and a commentator announced that, while some of the footage had been edited, it still contained scenes of graphic violence and would not be suitable for viewing by children.

The video showed my killing and wounding of two of the three guards and the captured of the third one. In this video, John O'Hara was clearly identifiable as the victim about to be executed.

The video then showed a clip I had not seen before. In it, John and the two captured men, as well as the rest of the SEAL team, are shown on board the rescue helicopter. My unconscious and bloody body is being held my one of my team mates who could be heard yelling. "Stay with us lieutenant . . . stay with us." Then a voice shouted. "Turn that damn camera off."

At that point I grasped Scott's arm and asked him to get me out of here. 

As we were leaving the suddenly quiet bar we heard a scream and I saw Susan lying on the floor and Tyler and his buddies beating a hasty retreat out a back exit. 

Scott and I pushed our way through the encircling crowd and I knelt down by Susan. Feeling for a pulse and finding none I began CPR. Someone thrust a portable defibrillator into Scott's hands and he quickly passed it on to me and I attached the leads to her chest. The machine determined she was in cardiac arrest and authorized treatment. I removed my hands from her chest and activated the defibrillator to deliver an appropriate shock re-starting her heart.

At that moment paramedics arrived and began checking her vitals in preparation for transport to the emergency room at Shands Medical Center. As Scott drove to the emergency room I called Patricia on Scott's cell phone, quickly telling her what had happened and where we were going. 

"I'll call mom and dad right now. Please call me as soon as you find out anything more," she said, obviously very worried about her sister.

Upon arriving Scott and I walked up to the admitting desk. Scott showed his badge and I.D. telling the nurse that Susan was his sister and wanted entrance back into the treatment areas. 

"And just who are you?" she asked of me.

Before I could reply Scott answered. "He's her fiance." 

With that we were granted access. Sitting in a small waiting area just outside the examination room we waited. Scott called Patricia and, speaking softly, brought her up to date.

"Patricia got a hold of mom and dad. They are leaving New York as soon as possible and expect to be here early tomorrow morning," he informed me. "I guess all we can do now is sit and wait."

About forty-five minutes later a nurse emerged and told us the doctor would be out momentarily to speak with us. Five minutes later he walked out from the examination room and ushered us into a small office.

"She is stable right now. But if someone hadn't started CPR immediately and then used the defibrillator she quite possibly could have died. Her condition was exacerbated by two drugs we found in her system." He went on to inform us. 

"We found ecstasy and another newer designer date rape drug in her blood screening. There are additional side effects of this second drug that we really don't much about," he explained.

He continued. . . "We pumped her stomach and administered some medication to counter-act the effects of these drugs. Whoever gave her the overdose damn neared killed her. She is being moved to recovery and you will be able to see her shortly. But I warn you she will be unconscious for several hours or longer."

Breathing a big sigh of relief we both thanked him for everything he was able to do for Susan.

Scott immediately called his wife and gave her the good news about her sister and looking at me, said . . . . "Why don't you go back and see her while I finish telling Patricia everything the doctor told us."

Walking back through the corridor to Recovery, I found her room and, moving a chair over by her bed, sat down and grasped her hand. "It's Rick," I said with tears in my eyes. "I'm here for you."

I may have imagined it but I thought I felt her fingers tighten around my hand.

I had heard from someone at one time that people who are unconscious can still hear what is spoken to them. So I continued to tell her how much she was loved by everyone and she would recover from this ordeal.

Unbeknownst to me, Scott had entered the room and stood behind me while I was telling her how much I loved her. He smiled and backed slowly from the room leaving me alone with her.

I must have dozed off for a while and was awakened by a nurse who came to check up on her. I still was holding her hand and when I tried to release it she gripped my fingers tightly, refusing to let go. When I turned to the nurse for help she returned my gaze and mouthed . . "stay with her."

I began speaking softly to her, repeating what I had previously told her.

A small smile creased her face as she gripped by hand tighter. Around five o'clock John, Carol and Scott entered the room and I was able to release her hand and leave.

"Before going, I whispered in her ear. "I love you. I hope you find someone else to love you and make you happy."

As I left I reflected back on the events of the previous evening and what Susan had screamed at me. I decided it would be in her best interest to leave her father's home. Finding a cab outside the hospital I had it take me back to the house and had it wait for me as I packed my few belongings. I was able to avoid Patricia as she had fallen asleep on the sofa in the living room next to the phone. I had the cab take me to one of the many hotels located out by the interstate highway and checked into the Cabot Lodge.



Chapter Six

Back at the hospital, Susan was gradually recovering consciousness. As she did her mother and father explained to her what had befallen her the night before. Looking around her room she saw her mother and father as well as Scott standing around her bed. 

Looking at Scott she asked . . ."Was Rick here?"

He was with you all night. I'll go look for him." He replied.

When he returned he told her. "I couldn't find him so I called Patricia at the house where she is with the girls. She went out to his room to look for him. Honey, he's gone and all his things are gone as well. I guess he's just doing what you told him to do last night."

"And what was that?" she asked.

Scott repeated everything she had screamed at Rick the night before.

"Oh no! I heard him talking to me last night. He said he loved me. Oh, daddy! I know why you had him staying with us. It was on the news. What have I done . . . what have I done? Please, please find him for me, Scott. Please!" She sobbed.

Looking at his sister he promised to do what he could to find Rick. Actually, Scott could do quite a lot. Knowing that Rick couldn't drive and the approximate time that he disappeared, he checked with the cab companies to see if any had picked up a fare from John's address. He got lucky when one driver reported a fare from that address, a ten minute wait and then a drop off at the Cabot Lodge on Archer Road and I-75.

Returning about an hour later. Scott told the family what he had discovered and, speaking to Susan, he said, "What do you want me to do, Susan? I'm not going out there and bring him back in handcuffs and it is not my place to tell him what you want."

"I know. I know. Can you keep tabs on him until I get out of here and tell him myself how much he means to me," she answered, starting to cry.

"Sweetheart. You're not getting out of here anytime soon. It will be at least the day after tomorrow before you will be released. There are a lot of tests the doctors have to run before they can determine the extent of your recovery and you 'WILL' stay here and have them done," John stated forcefully to his daughter. His comments were echoed by her mother.

"While you're in here we'll figure out something to get him back, honey," her mom offered.

Chapter Seven

After checking into the hotel, I found my room, took a quick shower and crashed. I slept for the next sixteen hours. Waking up around ten-thirty that night I realized how hungry I was. One of the good things about a college town there is are a lot of restaurants and they stay open late. After dressing and quickly shaving and brushing my teeth, it was a short walk over to the Gainesville Ale House in Butler Plaza. 

After eating and having a beer I called the the Captain of the NROTC Unit at his home. I apologized for the lateness of the hour and explained that I was no longer staying at the O'Hara residence but could be reached at the hotel and gave him my room number.




Finding Love



He told me he had seen the news the evening before and had been contacted by his superiors earlier that day. He informed me that I was being ordered to attend a 'Pass in Review' to be held in my honor by all the Army, Air Force and Navy ROTC units at the university on Saturday. This was in conjunction with the distribution of awards and promotions to members of the assembled units.

Early Wednesday morning I received a call from the XO of the NROTC unit. Without going into any details, I told him I was no longer at John O'Hara's home and was staying at the Cabot Lodge. 

He said he knew and offered to come over and get me so I could stay with him and his wife at his home. 

"We have an extra bedroom you can use and you can ride in with me every morning to headquarters."

I agreed. By eleven o'clock I was moved in and he and I were on our way to campus to begin planning for Saturday's event.

A little after one that afternoon Susan had been returned to her room after undergoing a series of tests that occupied the entire morning. John and Carol were anxiously awaiting her return and the results of the battery of tests. 

"Daddy, please call the hotel for me. I have to talk to Rick and explain everything and tell him how I really feel about him." 

"Sure thing" he replied.

He called the Cabot Lodge and asked to be connected to Lieutenant Steiger's room. 

"He's not . . .when? Any idea where he went from there? . . . .No. Ok . . . thanks."

Ending his cell phone call to the hotel he turned to his daughter. "He checked out this morning around eleven, honey. The desk clerk remembers him leaving but doesn't know anything else."

Hearing this, Susan turned her head into her pillow and began crying. "No . . .

No . . . No! I've lost him."

Taking Susan's hands into her own Carol consoled her daughter. "Stop crying, sweetheart. We'll find him for you. Between your father and Scott I'm sure they will find him."

Thursday morning Susan was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health. All of her tests had come back negative. Her mother and sister were there to bring her home. 

"Has Scott found him?" she asked Patricia."

"No, not yet. He had to leave for Tallahassee last night. An aide to one of the state representatives was shot and almost killed yesterday afternoon. He has been sent to investigate the shooting. But he promised he would find Rick as soon as he gets back," Patricia answered her unhappy sister.

Late Thursday afternoon John received a phone call from Admiral Sanderson informing him of the plans to honor Lieutenant Steiger on Saturday. After apologizing for the late notification he filled John in on all the details. John would have two additional passes for seating on the reviewing stand with the other dignitaries in attendance. 

After ending the call John went to find his daughter with the news. Finding her in her room he asked to come in and talk with her. 

"Susan, honey, I've still not had any luck finding him. But, I know where he will be Saturday afternoon." 

Filling her in on all the details he asked her . . . "Sweetheart, suppose he doesn't want to talk with you? You must have hurt him pretty badly with what you said to him Monday night." 

Daddy, "I don't even understand it myself. It was as if I was watching another person saying all those horrible things to him. And then when I saw on TV everything that was going to happen to you and how he saved you I realized why you and mom have been so nice to him. Why didn't you tell me? The last thing I remember seeing was that man holding him and crying. He was covered in blood . . he looked like he was dead."

John proceeded to explain the reasons why he could not speak to anyone about what had happened. He gave her a pass that would enable her to sit on the reviewing stand with the guests and dignitaries. She would be sitting in the back row hidden among the other less notable attendees.

"So what are you going to do, Susan, if he doesn't want to see or speak to you?"

"I don't know . . . I don't know. But I have tonight and all day tomorrow to think of something. Maybe mom and Patricia have some ideas."





Chapter Eight

Unlike south Florida, which enjoys a sub-tropical climate pretty much year round, north central Florida can experience some pretty cold days. Saturday was one of those days when a cold front swept down from Canada bringing sub freezing temperatures. As the leading edge approached the cold air began mixing with the warmer moist air producing cold rains and gusty winds.

Fortunately, the 'pass in review', the distribution of awards and promotions, were concluded before the nasty weather arrived. The only thing left were the speeches and, with an eye on the approaching bad weather, they were short.

As the ROTC units were dismissed and the guests on the reviewing stand left, Rick was left talking with some midshipmen who were interested in BUDS and subsequent SEAL training when Susan approached.

"Rick," she began, "please let me talk with you."

"What's there left to say?" I replied. "You pretty much told me what you thought about me last Monday night. Good-bye."

As I turned around she shouted at me. "What do I have to do to get you to look at me and listen to what I have to say? Should I strip down naked? Would that get your attention?"

To this day I don't know why but I flippantly replied. "Yeah. That probably would do it." 

I, again, turned my back on her and resumed my conservation with the midshipmen. Ten seconds later a dress hit me in the back of my head and draped itself over my shoulder. As I turned a bra hit me in the chest followed by a pair of thong panties and fell at my feet.

There she stood in just her thigh high stockings and shoes clutching her small purse. Snatching the cover from the awards table I wrapped it around her as she began to cry.

I asked where her car was and she answered . . . "parking lot."

All of a sudden the rain started, hard and cold. Picking up her clothing from the reviewing stand floor we started toward her BMW. By the time we reached it we were soaked and chilled. Putting her in the passenger seat I took her keys from her purse and got in the driver's seat. Starting the car I turned the climate control to heat and the temperature to max. Susan was in no condition to drive. The crying had turned into unconsolable sobbing. 

So putting the car into gear, and even though I was not supposed to drive, we started home. Twenty-five minutes later I was walking her to the front door. 

She grabbed my hand and led me into the living room. Pushing me into a chair she stood in front of me. Allowing the table covering to fall she started speaking after taking several deep breaths.

"Rick, I don't know where to begin to tell you how sorry I am for saying what I was told I said you you. I don't remember any of it. The doctors told me that one of the side effects of those drugs is that it completely alters an individual's psychological thought process. That's not an excuse for what I said that night. Please, please believe me that I didn't mean any of it." 

"When I woke up Tuesday morning I remembered that someone had held my hand and spoke gently to me all night long. That person was you. I felt so safe and secure with you there. I know you whispered to me to find someone to make me happy. But, I already have someone . . . you!"

Before I could do, or say, anything she sat in my lap and put her arms around me as the tears stared again. 

Whispering in my ear she said, "I love you so much. Please, please say something."

Putting my arms around her and pulling her tightly against me I kissed her deeply. "Oh my God, Susan! I love you so much. I want you and I need you in my life." 

After several minutes of hugging and kissing I gently suggested that perhaps she should put on some clothes before her mother and father returned.

"Why?" she replied. 

Just then the front door opened and we heard the voices of John and Carol coming down the hall.

"Mom . . Dad! We're in here," she called out. "Just give me a moment before you come in."

Jumping off my lap she retrieved the table cloth from the floor, re-wrapped it around herself and got back on my lap placing her arms around my neck once more.

"Ok. You can come in now," she announced.

As they entered the room big smiles broke out on their faces when they saw her sitting in my lap. 

"Oh, it's so good to see you together," Carol said to her daughter. "Which one of your strategies did you finally use?"

"None. When I saw him everything that I thought and planned to say went right out of my head," she replied.

Then she told her parents everything that happened. When she got to the part about taking off her clothes the look on their faces was priceless. 

"Oh my, oh my," was all Carol managed to say. 

John sat there with a big grin and a red face as he laughed at Susan's plan of attack. 

"Well, I guess it worked," was all he could say. "Where do you two go from here?"

"Well, starting right now we are going to go over and get his things and move him back home. I have a lot of damage to repair in our relationship." Looking in my eyes and giving me a quick kiss, she continued . . . "and you need to be very close for me to be able to do it properly. I do love you. Let's go and get your stuff right now."

"Ah, maybe you might want to get dressed before we leave the house," I said. "I think we've all had enough excitement for today."

"Oh, yeah, ok. Wouldn't want to shock your friends and colleagues again," she replied.

"I don't think it would bother the XO, but I don't know about his wife and their neighbors," I said with an almost straight face.

"Mom . . dad would you excuse me while I dress," she asked.

"What about me? I questioned.

"You stay right here. I'm not letting you out of my sight for even a second," was her reply.



Chapter Nine

The next two and a half weeks were very hectic for Susan. Every minute she was not studying for her final exams she spent with me. We talked about everything from A to Z. The more I found about her the more deeply I fell in love with her. 

There were some nights when she was so exhausted she fell asleep at the kitchen table with her textbooks and notes. Twice I had to pick her up in my arms and carry her to her room to put her to bed. I did help her with her calculus, but she seemed to have gotten the grasp of it and I was positive she would have no trouble with Paul's final.

The big day finally arrived . . graduation. I was seated with the entire O'Hara family in the O'Connell Center to witness Susan receive her degree. That evening at her graduation party I had thought about asking her to marry me in front of her family and friends and even had a ring in my pocket. But then I thought that this was her day to shine. A degree in veterinary science is something special and important and I didn't think a marriage proposal should interrupt that.

I had talked with her father several days before and had asked his permission to ask for her hand in marriage. He told me it wasn't his place to grant permission as she was an adult and not his property. He did say that he and Carol would be thrilled to have me as a son would give me their whole hearted blessing. 

After the party was over he took me aside and asked me if I had changed my mind about asking Susan to marry me. When I explained my reasons for not asking her that night he breathed a sigh of relief and told me that it was a very thoughtful and class act on my part. 

"So when are you going to pop the question," he asked.

"In a few days," I answered. "I'm going to give her some time to bask in the glow of her accomplishments first. She deserves that."

Saturday, the week before Christmas, Scott, Patricia, Susan and I arranged to have dinner out at the Stonewood Grill, an upscale restaurant just west of the campus. Susan and I drove over together and Scott and Patricia would meet us there. Just as we entered Susan's cell phone rang, it was Patricia. Scott had been held up at work and she was taking a taxi to meet us. We went into the bar just off the main dining room to wait. Twenty minutes later Patricia walked in and joined us. 

Looking at her watch, Patricia said, "Scott should be here in about forty-five minutes. Why don't we just wait here until he arrives."

Moving away from the bar we found some seats at a small table with Patricia sitting to my left and Susan on my right. We sat chatting about Christmas and how much the little girls were looking forward to Santa Claus's arrival. 

I looked up and quietly said to the girls, "Damn. Here comes trouble." 

Tyler and two of his buddies, that I recognized from the incident at 'The Swamp' twelve days ago, strutted up to us. Without being invited Tyler dragged a chair from a nearby table and sat down.

As soon as he opened his mouth I knew we were in for trouble.

"Well, if isn't the 'Hero' and the two O'Hara bitches," he said. "I wonder just how tough you are without your buddy Scott around to back you up. You know you two interrupted me and my buds the other night. We had Susan all loaded up and hot to trot. If stupid, over here hadn't double-dosed her we we would have had a fine time the rest of the night with her. I think we'll just try again once we get you out of the way."

As I tried to stand and confront the jerk, I was restrained by both Patricia and Susan. Patricia whispered to me, "Not now. Just wait a little bit longer."

"What's the matter 'Hero' boy. Are you afraid to stand up to a 'Real Man'?" he taunted.

I tried to rise to my feet but was once again restrained by Patricia and Susan. 

Patricia then started asking questions of Tyler. "Do you have any of these so-called sex drugs with you? Are you going to try and use them on my sister and me? Where did you get them and how much do you have? I think you are full of it. You don't have anything. Do you?"

She kept goading him until he started answering her. He told her he had enough in his pocket for both her and her sister. He, also, said he had unlimited access to all he wanted. His friend Ralph was a chemist and was making the stuff for him in his lab.

Susan then spoke up, "What makes you think that my sister and I would even consider going with you?"

Tyler answered her. "Well, then I'll send Ralph and my other bud over to Patricia's house and pick up her two little girls. Would that convince you to come with us.?"

Hearing this I broke away from Patricia and Susan and tried to grab Tyler. Just then Scott and two Alachua County Sheriff Deputies stormed into the room. 

When Tyler saw them coming he lunged across the table and plunged a knife, he had been holding under the table, into my upper left chest. As he did so I managed to get in one good punch breaking his left cheek bone and smashing his nose.

One of the sheriff deputies grabbed him by the hair and twisted the arm holding the knife behind his back. As he was thrown to the ground Tyler broke his jaw, lost five teeth and dislocated his shoulder, while being handcuffed. 

"Tyler Paddock, I am placing you under arrest," Scott said. "You are being charged with multiple felonies. Thanks to the wire that my wife is wearing we have you admitting to the manufacture and distribution of controlled substances. In addition, and I'll just hit the main ones, one count of attempted sexual assault, one count of sexual assault; you forgot about the girl you tested the new formula out on, didn't you? In addition, one count of attempted murder on Susan O'Hara and one count of attempted murder on Frederick Steiger. Oh, I, also almost forgot, one count of conspiracy to kidnap the minor children of Patricia and Scott O'Brien, which is a federal offense as is the drug charge." 

Scott turned to the two deputies and told them to take Tyler, first to the emergency room and then, to the county jail. One deputy told him they had a doctor at the jail and that would be good enough for the likes of him.  

Meanwhile, I had collapsed onto the floor with the knife still in my chest. Susan took off her blouse and used it in an attempt to staunch the blood from the wound. The paramedics arrived and transported me to the emergency room. 

I was lucky. No major damage and I received fifteen stitches to close the wound. After several hours, I was released and Susan drove me back to the house and put me right to bed as I was so heavily medicated. She sat in my room for the rest of the night.

The next morning Scott and Patricia came over with the girls to see how I was doing. We all sat in the living room. John and Carol on the sofa with the two little ones, Scott and Patricia in the recliners and Susan next to me on the love seat. After assuring everyone that I was fine I was about to say something else when Susan interrupted me.

"Rick, I was so scared last night. I was afraid I was going to lose you, this time forever." She stated.

"Susan," I replied, "I think I owe you more than a blouse to replaced the one you used on me last night."

Dropping to one knee in front of her I produced the ring box I had been carrying around for the last week or so. 

"I was going to do this last night, but things kinda got out of hand. But now, in front of your mom, dad, Patricia, Scott and the girls, I want to ask you a question. Will you marry me, please? I love you very, very much." 

For ten seconds she sat there with her mouth opening and closing saying nothing. Finally, she took a deep breath and managed to whisper, "YES."

Throwing her arms around my neck she kissed me over and over. All of a sudden she stopped and with a stricken look realized how tightly she had hugged me. 

"Oh my gosh! Your chest did I hurt you. I'm so sorry," she exclaimed.

"Susan, the only thing that hurts is that you stopped kissing me," I grinned back at her.

John and Carol were overjoyed as were Patricia and Scott. The two little girls wanted to know if they could be in the wedding, too. 

"I think this calls for a celebration," John said as he left the room and then returned with a bottle of champagne. 

"Have you thought about when you want to have the wedding?" Carol asked her daughter.

"I don't know. Let me think a minute. How about Christmas?" she answered. 

"Wonderful! That gives us a whole year to plan," Carol and Patricia shouted.

Looking at me Susan replied, "NO! This Christmas. I don't want to wait." 

And then, starting to giggle, she said, "I don't want to take a chance on him changing his mind."

"Never gonna happen," I said as I grabbed her tightly to me. "Never gonna happen."



To be continued . . . . .



Finding Love







Finding Love



Jim sat there and began to laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked.

Jim slowly stifled his laughter and explained that those were virtually the same words his ex-wife had used when he had brought up the topic of children. 

Angie almost began to laugh too but held it in and continued, "So you see when I asked you to cum in me last night it was for a very specific purpose. I know that this is the time in my monthly cycle when I'm ovulating and have the greatest chance of getting pregnant. Now don't get concerned, you don't have to worry. I'm not trying to hook you or any other man that way. I have my own profession and as I told you last night I have more than enough money to take care of myself ... and a child."

Jim sat there for a moment before answering. "Well, if this is going to be truth time I might as well admit some things too. I fell for you the moment I saw you come out from under the falls. I don't know if it's love but I sure would like to find out and if we happen to have one or two or six kids in the process that's just fine with me."

Angie smiled as Jim rolled over on his side and they shared their first kiss. "In that case," she said as she shifted from under him and got on her hands and kneels. "Come here and fuck me again. Fill my pussy with that nice, hard cock of your and let's see if you can knock me up before we have to go back to the other world."

"God, you're every man's perfect woman."

"Ya, what's that?"

"A prefect lady out of bed and a perfect slut in bed."

"Well then," Angie said, looking over her shoulder, "come here and fuck your 'perfect woman' nice and hard and deep."

Jim knelt up and tied to get behind Angie but instantly had a problem. Though the tent was great from cuddling and sleeping, it just wasn't big enough for this kind of fun. Angie also saw the problem and reached for the zipper on the tent entrance. "Wanna help me fulfill another one of my fantasies?" she asked as she slipped out of the entry.

Jim watched and saw her for the first time in the light of day, as she crawled out of the tent and then turned to stretch her hand back towards him. At 5' 9", her 36-26-35 measurements were perfect. Her brown hair was full and shined in the morning light as it cascaded over her shoulders when she bent to extend her hand. Her skin was lightly tanned and the tan-lines were barely large enough to cover anything. Her stomach was flat and her legs were toned. He breasts were firm but at the moment hung beneath her and swayed with her movements and he knew for the events of the night before that she was pussy was shaved.

"Come on," she said breaking into his thoughts.

Quickly he crawled out of the tent, stood up and wrapped his arms around her before pulling her close and giving her a passionate kiss. 

Angie was hoping for this and wrapped her arms over Jim's neck, returning the kiss as his hands began to explore her back and slide down to her ass and squeeze it as he pulled her closer. She could feel his cock pinned between them as it grew and moved up against her stomach while his balls pressed against the top of her slit and lightly pressed against her clit. 

A moan escaped her lips as she pulled away; she could feel the fires of her lust burning in her pussy. But as much as she wanted this man right now she also wanted to fulfill her fantasy and offer herself to him as she'd never offered herself to any other man. Turning she began to walk away as she called back, "Come on. It's not too far," as she grabbed her sleeping bag off the rope where they had left it to dry.

Jim followed as if in a dream. "Who was this woman?" he asked himself. "In one day she's turned my life upside down and made me think of things I had given up on. She's offered herself to me any way I want her and says she wants to have my baby with no strings attached, but ... there's something else. I want to be with her, not only now but later too. Is it because of what 'she' did to me? Is this just me reacting to a woman who's showing interest in who I am ... or is it more?" Something suddenly caught his attention and he looked up just before walking into a tree. Looking around, Angie was nowhere in sight. "ANGIE???" he yelled.

"Over here," came the response from off to his right.

Turning and heading in that direction he called out again.

This time he saw her when she called back.

She was sitting on a large tree that had fallen over to form a seat, with her sleeping bag underneath her to act as a cushion. The sun filtered down through the branches and shown on her as if she was the only thing in the forest; her arms were stretched out toward him and her legs were spread open, "Come here, lover. Come here and get your 'perfect woman'. Come over here and fuck me."

This was the second time she'd used the phrase about being his 'perfect woman' and he suddenly realized that she was right ... she was the 'perfect woman' ... for him.

Moving slowly like an animal stalking his prey he moved towards her and between her legs; placing a hand on each side of her face he lifted it and looked into her eyes, "You're right. You are the 'perfect woman' for me," as he leaned down and kissed her again. This time though it wasn't the overwhelming, passion-filled kiss of the night before or even a few moments ago but the light, tender kiss of a lover.

Angie was surprise by the kiss and her response. She'd come here to get away from everything that had happened and yet ... here she was, her legs spread open, her arms wrapped around a man who was almost a total stranger, a load of his cum already inside of her from the night before, offering herself to him and hoping he'd take her, again. His kiss was triggering something inside of her more that lust, something far more intense and, in many ways, more meaningful as she wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kiss. "Jim ... I ..." 

"Shhhhhhhh, I know, I'm feeling it too," he replied as he began to kiss her neck; his hands now moving gently, tantalizingly across her body, lightly touching here and then moving away to touch or stroke somewhere else.

"Aaaaaaggghhhhhhh," Angie sighed as she released herself to the man she knew was going to be not only the father of her child and her lover from now on but her best friend and hopefully life-long companion. No more barriers, no more hidden feelings, she was his and only his.

Jim sensed the change too and instinctively understood the meaning. He didn't want to simply fuck this woman; he wanted to make love to her. He wanted to please her like she'd never been pleased before and like he'd never tried to please a woman. He wanted this to be the start of a new life together. Gently he moved from her neck and kissed her shoulder as his hand caressed her back, lightly stroking it as it moved up to massage and caress her other shoulder. He could simultaneously feel her muscles relax at this touch and tighten as her body reacted to him.

At the same time her hands were traveling and exploring his body; stroking his back and massaging his shoulders, running through his hair as she pulled him closer. Sighs and moans escaping their lips as they responded to what the other was doing.

Jim continued his descent as he began to kiss the upper rim of Angie's breast, his hand following to fondle and squeeze the other.

"Yesssssss, mmmmmmm, that's it ... Play with my tits ... They're so sensitive right now ... Mmmmmm. I can feel it running all the way down to my pussy ... Aaaaahhhhh, I'm getting so wet ... Can you smell it baby? ... Can you smell my pussy juices? ... I can feel them leaking out of me and down to my ass ... I feel so wicked ... I never imagined I could ever be this turned on ... Just don't stop, lover ... Do anything you want to me ... Just don't stop."

Angie's comments spurred Jim on as he moved down to her nipple. Sticking his tongue out; he licked across it, as if it were an ice cream cone. Instantly, it puckered and tightened growing harder and enlarging. Jim opened his mouth and lowered himself to it as Angie pulled him closer. 

"Ooooooooohhhh, fuck, yessssss. That feels fucking fantastic. Lick my tit. Suck it. Now bite the nipple. Tease it with your teeth. Yessss, yesssss, yessss, that's it. Mmmmm. I love it. Now, do the other one. Play with it, suck it, bite it. God, I feel like I'm on fire."

Jim moved to Angie's other tit as she asked before moving into her cleavage and down across her stomach, kissing and licking all the way, until he was positioned between her legs looking at her pussy. The sun reflected off of the moisture that coated her inner thighs and the aroma of her filled his nostrils, while her lips pussy were swollen and had darkened from her arousal.

"Please, Jim. Please lick my pussy. Lick it, suck on my clit, nibble on it. I'm so fucking close to cumming. Just one little bit that's all it's going to take. Don't tease me any more, please!!!"

Jim was only to happy to comply as he leaned forward and kissed Angie's pussy lips, sticking his tongue out and probing until he captured her clit. 

Angie quickly wrapped her legs over Jim's shoulders, pulling him closer while she grabbed his hair and tried to force his tongue deeper inside of her. She had been right, it had only taken that one little lick and she skyrocketed into her orgasm. "Ahhhh ... yes ... yes ... yes ... that's it, lover ... suck my clit ... lick my pussy juices ... stick your tongue deep inside of my pussy ... ohhhhhhh ... shit ... it feels so fucking good ... I'm ... oh, gawd ... I'm cummMMMMIIINNGGG!!!" she screamed.

Jim could barely breathe as her legs tightened around his head pulling him tighter. For a moment he wondered if a tongue could be ripped off like this as her pussy muscles clamped down and pulled him in deeper. Then his tongue was suddenly coated with her juices as they flowed from her pussy and down onto his chin. Gently, he continued to lick the inside of her canal attempting to get every drop of her juices while she continued to spiral through her bliss. Finally, he felt her legs and hands begin to loosen their grasp on him and he knew that now was the perfect time to send her spiraling again. Pushing himself against her, he sucked her clit between his lips while slipping two fingers into her pussy.

Angie jumped as if hit by lightening, "Wha ... oh ... oh ... oh ... yesssssssssssss," she hissed as her body spasmed and her pussy muscles tightened around his fingers, trying to milk them into her. But she didn't scream this time, instead a moan or gasp escaped from her lips each time Jim's fingers buried themselves inside of her until she seemed to collapse into herself.

Jim stood and took Angie in his arms as her head rested against his chest.

"Mmmmmmm, that felt so good," she whispered. "I've cum more than once before but NEVER like that. It felt like my body was floating and would never come down."

"I'm glad to hear that, 'cuz that's exactly what I wanted to do for you. I wanted to give you something you'd never forget."

"You accomplished that, lover. I honestly can't think of a time that anyone has ever made me feel this fulfilled and satisfied," she murmured as she looked down at Jim's hardened cock. "But if you can wait just a little bit, I'd love to feel even more satisfied by having you slip that inside of me."

Jim didn't say a word as he held her close and stroked her hair.

True to her word it only took Angie a few moments to regain enough strength to reach between them and begin to stroke Jim's cock. Not nearly as hard as it had once been her touch brought it back to life and it was sticking out from his groin in seconds.

"Mmmmmm, that looks delicious. I can't wait to get it into my mouth and suck it dry but right now I need it inside of my pussy. It feels so empty since you pulled your fingers out and I want to feel you stretch me again and cum deep inside of me," Angie said as she wrapped her legs around Jim's waist and pulled him close. With her hand still wrapped around it she brought his cock directly to the opening of her pussy and stopped.

She knew how she felt and she knew what Jim had said, but she'd heard it all before; the promises of now and forever, that she was the only one, and the 'I Love You' that went along with it. But everything they'd said and done now came down to this moment; there was no going back after this and she wanted to give him a chance to turn and leave.

Jim looked into her eyes and saw the doubt; not about herself but about him. He knew that this moment meant much more in his life than a simple "Slam-Bam" to get himself off. If he didn't stop now he would be committing himself to a relationship the likes of which he'd never known before but wanted with Angie more than he'd ever wanted anything before.

Reaching down he took his cock in his hand and moved forward. "Here, let me do that," he said and slid into Angie. They both knew what it meant and became misty-eyed. Jim pressed into her as deep as he could and Angie tried to get him deeper, but the angle wasn't right and Jim almost slipped out several times as they started to move. Finally, Jim remembered a position he'd seen in a porn movie once and took Angie's legs from around his waist and cradled them in his elbows. Angie instantly felt the difference and leaned backward while holding on to Jim's neck. Jim slid in deep and didn't stop until he felt himself nudging against Angie's cervix.

Angie felt it too as she took in a deep breath. "Woooo ... right there Jim ... that's where I want it. Either my pussy is tightening that much or your cock feels a lot bigger than it did before and I don't care which it might be. I just know that it feels fan-fucking-tastic!!

Hearing Angie spurred Jim on. Pulling out slowly he drove his cock deep inside of her each time hitting her cervix; repeating it again and again. Jim knew he couldn't hold out long. The things he'd done to Angie and the way she'd responded had affected him as well. "Angie, I'm gonna cum. I can't hold it any longer. AAAaaaaghhhhhh."

Angie pulled him hard against her. "That's okay, baby. Cum inside of me; Fill me 'till it drips from my pussy. Flood me and knock me up. Give me a baby."

Jim's cum surged up his cock and coated the walls of Angie's pussy as he continued to thrust into her.

As soon as his first strand of cum splashed against her cervix Angie's pussy muscles began to tighten sending charges throughout her body igniting an orgasm that left her trembling. "Now, lover ... fill my pussy with your cum. Knock me up ... get me pregnant ... coat my pussy with your thick, warm, baby-making cream. Harder ... that's it ... just a little more ... now ... now ... don't stop ... cccuummMMMMMIINNGGGGGG!!!" she screamed for all the world to hear. Neither care if anyone might be near by and hear them all they cared about was each other and the life they were trying to create.

Jim shuffled back to the tree and set Angie on it not only to keep her from slipping from his grasp but to keep himself from collapsing to the ground as every once of his strength seemed to flow from his body with each strand of his cum that rocketed into Angie. The two stayed there trembling as their mutual orgasms surged through them and for the briefest of moments Jim wondered if it were possible for his cock to enter Angie's womb as he felt her pulling him tighter and tighter against her.

Angie slowly returned to the world and gently pulled away from Jim; the sound of a load 'pop' signaling when she finally pulled free from Jim's cock. Then she quickly covered her pussy with one hand while pulling the sleeping bag from the tree and throwing it onto the ground. Luxuriating in the feeling of being so satisfied, physically and emotionally, she bunched one side of the sleeping bag up almost like a pillow and then lay down one it while elevating her legs across the tree trunk. 

Jim looked down at her questioningly.

"I read that this helps to keep your cum inside of me and enter my womb."

"Ahh," was all he said as he lay down next to her, cuddling with her as they fell into a gentle sleep.

Later they woke up and Angie's legs were now across Jim's waist once again bringing her pussy against his cock, but though the mind was full of ideas the body wouldn't or couldn't respond and he stayed flaccid.

Angie spoke, a smile in her face and her eyes still closed, "Don't worry, sweetheart, we've got plenty of time and who knows maybe we already made our first baby."

Jim and Angie spent the rest of week going at each other, sometimes it was slow, tender love-making and other times it was like two wild animals. It didn't matter when or where; by the stream, in the woods, bent over a log, lying next to the fire, or inside the tent; their motto for the week was "any time and any place." Just before they left they made arrangements to continue meeting until they were sure Angie was pregnant and see what happened after that. But of course you need to practice at such things so they found themselves either at his apartment, her house, or a motel somewhere in between almost every night.

Five weeks later they were sure; Angie was pregnant and two weeks after that they moved in together. That was five years, and three kids ago, and they still take every vacation back to "the spot" where it all began. So if you're in the Porcupine Mountains of Upper Michigan and happen to hear some unusual noise down by the river just remember that sometimes you fall in love when and where you least expect it.



Finding Love after a Broken Heart



Authors Note:

Thanks to k5vreed and TesoroMio for editing.

As always public and private comments are welcomed. :)

********

April Fools, I thought it was an April fool's joke. A few members of my department walked into the courthouse. I was assigned there for the month. It is okay to be an officer in the court room, but I would prefer to be out on patrol.

As I said, a few members of my department walked in and they asked if I could come with them. The Judge wasn't happy that his courtroom was disrupted. But when the Captain wants to talk to me, what am I supposed to do? One of the other officers stayed in my place.

"Tony, there is no easy way to say this," the Captain started. He looked down and then I looked at the other officers and they were all my close friends.

"What is going on?" I asked.

"Freddy is gone," the Captain stated.

"What do you mean? He headed to work this morning when I did."

"Tony, Freddy is gone. He was killed this morning," the Captain responded.

"This better be a joke. Come on, tell me you are joking."

"Tony, I wish it was."

I looked at my Captain then at my friends and I could see that it was the truth. "John, tell me it is a joke, please." John just shook his head. "No, tell me it is a joke, please. He can't be gone. Ryan please tell me." After looking at them all shaking their heads no, I asked, "How?"

"It was a traffic accident on the freeway this morning," my Captain responded.

My world fell apart, "He wasn't going to take the freeway this morning. He said it was always backing up. You have to be mistaken. Please, you have to be mistaken." Tears were streaming down my face, what was I going to do? Freddy was my everything, my rock.

I remember asking to see him, and they took me to the morgue. He had been cleaned up, mostly; I could see blood in his hairline and all the contusions. They had him on a gurney; they didn't pull him out of the drawer like you see in the TV shows. They have a large walk in fridge they roll the bodies into. I caressed his forehead. He looked like he was sleeping, and then I buried my head in his chest and cried. I don't know how long they let me cry, but I remember telling them when they pulled me away that I needed to stay with him.

The next few days are a blur. I remember people coming into our house. I remember going to the funeral home and doing all the stuff to get the funeral set up. I don't remember sitting there. I don't remember the funeral itself, but I remember watching his casket being lowered into the ground. They wanted me to leave, but I needed to see it. I watched as the backhoe pushed the dirt in on him. I stood as they took everything away from me. My life was gone the moment Freddy was lowered into the earth. 

John somehow was able to get me back to our house. There were tons of people there, and food everywhere. I didn't feel like eating. A plate was pushed into my hands, but when they weren't looking I tossed it in the trash.

Freddy was a picture taker. He loved taking our picture whenever he could. He had pictures all over the walls in our house-of us at the beach, backpacking, or working in our back yard. He loved taking pictures. Looking at them killed me. I was on autopilot. I took a box, and I just started removing the pictures from the tables, mantel, and walls. Everyone was watching me, but I couldn't stop myself, I had to remove him, from everywhere. John and Ryan tried to stop me, but I told them I couldn't look at him. It was killing me.

Another friend stepped forward, Chuck. I remember seeing Chuck before the lights went out. I woke in the middle of the night in my bed. I hadn't slept in my bed since they told me. I couldn't; it smelled like him, and when I woke, I thought he was there and reached out and there was nothing. I started to bawl, and I heard someone come into the room and hold me, but I still don't know which of my friends it was. I know that Chuck, Ryan, and John were around the house all the time; they didn't leave me alone for even a minute.

A week went by. The Captain stopped over and I begged him to let me come back to work. He told me to take one more week, and I argued with him, saying I couldn't just stay in this house, that I had to have a distraction. He allowed me.

Work was a distraction; I put my heart into my work. I think I was writing more tickets than I have ever written in a month's time. No one received a break from me, old ladies or teenagers; I even pulled over a Priest and gave him a ticket. I was doing my job. The Captain pulled me aside one morning and told me to ease up on the tickets, that they were getting complaints about me. I did but didn't, I let a few people off a day, but still continued to pull people over. It was my job, traffic enforcement.

A month, then two and three had gone by. I never slept in our bed after the time they drugged me to sleep. The couch was uncomfortable, but it worked as a bed. I didn't even go into our room unless I had to; his smell was still there. I know most people take comfort in the smell of their loved one, but it killed me to smell his cologne, to smell how our bed smelled after we had slept in it. 

My friends would alternate and come by and see me, keep me company in the evenings. I had to send them home because they wouldn't go. I think they were afraid that I would commit suicide, the cops' way of killing oneself with their service weapon. I would never do that. Freddy would be extremely upset with me. I think that is why I haven't done it, knowing that Freddy would be mad that I took the easy way out, to leave my pain behind.

Living day by day was hard, but as long as I didn't go into our room, I was okay. I had put the box of photos in there. I opened the door long enough to push it through with my foot and shut it again. I had Ryan one day grab all of my clothes out of the closet and dresser.

When October came around, I was standing in the kitchen and I don't know what brought me to our door, but I was standing at our bedroom. It took me forever it seemed to reach out for the handle, but I finally did and opened the door. Freddy's smell instantly filled my senses but I continued into the room and sat on the bed. It had been six long months without him, six long lonely months.

I had been sitting on the bed when a conversation that I had with Freddy after we had married came back to me. We had been lying in this room, in this bed together.

"Would you start dating someone, if I ever died?" Freddy asked.

"No, I wouldn't want to live without you."

"Tony you have to; you can't stop living if I die. I will be honest; I would, if you were killed." I remember looking at him in shock. "Don't get me wrong, Babe, I love you, and I would be devastated that you were dead, but I would hope one day I would have the courage to move on and start dating someone else."

"I don't know if I could."

"Then you have to promise me, if I ever pass away before you, God forbid, but if I ever do, you have to move on. You can take your time, but at the six month mark you have to start to move on."

"Why are you giving me a time frame? Shouldn't I be allowed to grieve in my own time?" I asked.

"Tony, I know you. You will just sit on the couch and never leave the house except for work, and you would never move on. So you have to promise me three things."

"Three things?"

"One, you can't commit suicide. I will haunt your dead body, do you hear me?"

"Yeah, can't commit suicide."

"Second, after six months, you have to pack up my things. I know you won't be ready or able to do it by yourself, so asked Ryan or John to come and help you. Hell, make it into a party, a cleaning out of Freddy party."

"Do we have to talk about this right now?"

"Yes, we do. Promise me that you will do this."

"Okay, I promise." I was getting angry at him and he knew it.

"Third." I sigh. "Yes, Tony, third. I want you to move on and date someone. I'm not saying it has to be just after the six months, but don't let it take you over two years. Someone is going to catch your eye sometime; take a chance and love again."

"Really, why are we talking about this? I'm the one that has the dangerous job. I should be asking you this, not you."

He started laughing at me. "Honey, I had to convince you to date me. You were so standoffish, it wasn't funny. I had to ask Ryan and John constantly if I even had a chance with you. They just kept telling me to stay in the fight and that one day you would come around, that you were interested in me, but were too stupid to realize it."

"Oh, did they now?" I was laughing, too. Yeah I hadn't known something good when it hit me square in the chest.

"I love you, Tony, but you know you can be a muscle head sometimes. I thought sometimes when I was dating you that you must have dropped more than one weight on your head, because you were such a blockhead at times."

I laughed at him and pulled him closer. "I thought you loved my muscles..."

The memory just stopped like that. It was like Freddy was telling me it was time. It had been six months and I was sitting on the bed crying again. To be able to do it, I did need Ryan and John's help. I would never be able to pack up the room without help and maybe with someone here, I wouldn't cry as much.

I'm glad that I have friends like John and Ryan, and that their wives are very understanding. Sarah and Anna have put up with me since we were all teenagers when I was too stupid even to come out to myself. I didn't date, but I didn't want to admit to myself that I like guys either. I was amazed when John and Ryan stuck by me when I finally realized, and they are the ones that kept telling Freddy to keep trying.

It took a long Saturday, but with John, Ryan, Anna and Sarah we packed up everything of Freddy's. I wasn't ready to part with some of it, but we did take his clothes down to goodwill. I put some of the pictures that he took back out on the walls, mantel, and tables-not all of them but some. The rest I put in our walk-in closet on a shelf. I never did move into another room in the house. I kind of just had my clothes in baskets in the living room. So I brought my things and put them back in the closet and the dresser.

The first night staying in our bed was the hardest; I didn't sleep at all that night. The next few days it became a little easier. Over the next few months I was sleeping the entire night in our bed and not dreading it. Christmas was hard, but with the help of my friends, I made it through. Then it was April Fool's Day again, and I went down to the cemetery.

I spent a lot of time at the cemetery during the first few weeks, then I couldn't stand being there and wouldn't show up for months. I continued in that cycle. I was in the off part of the cycle when the first of April came around. But I needed to go; I needed to put his favorite flower on the grave. He loved tulips not roses, so that is what I would bring down with me. I even was allowed to plant some in front of his stone.

I sat next to his stone and talked to him for a long time that day, told him that I loved him, and that I was going to abide by his wishes. That it wasn't going to be anytime soon, but I would move on. I made that pledge to him the following year also. I couldn't see myself dating anyone a year after losing Freddy. I didn't think I could see myself dating anyone after Freddy at all.

Then one day I saw him.

Every morning, while walking into the station from the parking lot, there he sat on a park bench. There is a square that is set up with the courthouse on one side, the police station on the other, and parking lots on the other ends. There are beautiful flowers that line the walkways and benches every twenty yard or so. And each morning he would be sitting eating his breakfast on one of the benches.

I knew of him. He was a clerk in one of the many departments in the courthouse. I wore my sunglasses every morning so he couldn't see my eyes, but I would watch him as I walked up and past him. Once I would get to the front doors of the station, I would glance back to see if he was watching; he always was.

"When are you going to go over to Chad and just ask him out?" Ryan asked me as we were walking in from the parking lot. I was staring at Chad again. I could see him looking, but trying not to be obvious about it.

"Why do I have to make the first move?" I laughed. "I know. It's because he has been watching me for over three months, and he can't make a move, either."

"Yes, and you know Freddy would like you to start dating."

"I know, I know. It has been almost three years now."

"Almost, Tony? It has been over three years."

"Three years and a few months," I conceded.

"Then when are you going to ask him out?" Ryan repeated.

"I don't know, one of these days."

"So you are going to just keep torturing the poor guy?"

"No," I smiled. "Not really." Then I looked at Ryan. "Okay, I will stop in his office today."

"You are coming by tonight for the game, right?"

"Yeah I wouldn't miss it for the world, and it isn't like I could avoid coming. Remember you moved in next door," I laughed at him. "Anna would come and drag my ass over if I didn't show up."

"Yeah, she would," He chuckled. "She is waddling more than usual these days. So you would really anger her if she has to waddle over to get your ass."

"Maybe I will have to not show up to see that." We both laughed as we walked into the station, I glanced back at Chad before walking through the doors. I could see him getting up to head into the courthouse.

I never got around to stopping off at Chad's office during the day, and when I was almost off shift the duty sergeant asked if I could work a half shift and I told him no problem. I let Ryan know and was sent back out in a patrol car for four more hours. 

It wouldn't have been a bad night getting off at seven-thirty, but I had someone that decided to resist arrest after I took him into custody. I pulled him over for a no-turn-on-red and ran his license. He had warrants out for his arrest. Yippy. So I had to call in a backup unit and then take him into custody. As I said he was fine until I got him to the station. Then when I was getting him out of the car, he decides to resist. He head butted me in the face, hitting my right cheekbone and breaking my sunglasses.

Thank god there was another cop around or I think I would have put this guy on his ass for doing that. I knew I was going to have a nice shiner in a few hours. After getting the suspect booked, and filling the new charge of resisting, I was about to clock out for the night when the duty sergeant, said he had called for an EMT to look at my face before I could leave. It was either let an EMT look at it or go to the ER, so I was glad he was bringing in an EMT.

When Paul showed up from the fire department, he looked me over and told me I was going to have one hell of a bruise by morning. He didn't think I fractured my cheekbone, but he told me if pain continued, I should get it checked out. I thanked him. The duty sergeant was happy, and I clocked out for the night at eight. I knew that the poker game would be in full swing by the time I got to Ryan's that night.

When I pulled into my driveway, I could see that there were a lot more cars than normal at Ryan's. I went in and took a shower and just pulled on shorts and a t-shirt. Apparently it wasn't just a poker game tonight; it was bring-your-wives-and-be-social night. I always feel like the odd duck when they do this to me, but I always stay. If I hadn't, Anna would have been on my ass. I could see a card game going off to the side in the family room and people coming in and out of the backyard, when I walked in.

"Hey man, what the hell happened to you?" John asked when I walked into view of the poker table.

"Resist." I looked around. "Deal me in when you get a chance."

"Where's your money?" Eric responded.

"Home."

"Then, hell no. You bring your money, then we'll talk."

I threw sixty bucks on the table and they all smiled and handed over some chips to me. "Good. We needed some new money on the table; the new guy is cleaning us out," Eric stated.

"New guy?" I inquired. Both John and Ryan looked away from me when I asked.

"Yeah, Chad, from the courthouse, Ryan invited him. He is in the backyard probably talking up one of the wives. He asked to be dealt out these next few rounds, so he could grab something to eat." I just looked at Ryan and shook my head. He knew I wouldn't get around to asking him out, so he was going to make sure we got together.

I went out the backdoor to grab a beer from one of the coolers, and Chad was in the corner of the yard talking with a few of the guests and looking sexy as can be. He didn't see me. I just walked back in and sat down at the table and waited to be dealt in.

A little while later Chad walked back in and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. I just happen to be looking up at the door when he came through it. "Hey, he's back to try to win more of our money," Eric said. "Come sit down, then Tony won't be winning so often. I don't know what the hell you do, Tony."

I laughed, "I count cards and I have a few extra taped to the table." I looked up at Chad. "Hey come sit here, I will grab another seat from the basement. I'm out anyways on this hand." I threw my cards at Eric and I got up and walked around the table and nudged Chad toward the chair. Where my hand touched the small of his back felt just right and I panicked.

Instead of heading downstairs to get another folding chair, I headed out into the garage. Ryan must have heard the door and followed me out. "Tony, you okay?" I looked at him and he was looking at me with concern.

"I'm not ready yet." I was breathing in short breaths. "It's not time yet. I'm not ready. I can't be ready yet. It's too soon." I kept repeating over and over. I was shaking and my intakes of air were getting shorter and shorter.

Ryan rushed over to me. "Tony, calm down. Tony, look at me, calm down." I was looking at him, but I couldn't control my breathing. "Tony, sit here and put your head between your knees. Shit man, you are going to pass out, if you don't." I did what I was told. He had pulled over a little stool on wheels and I sat down and put my head between my knees. "What happened in there?"

When I could catch my breath I looked up at him. "I just touched him, and it felt right."

"And what is wrong with that, Tony?"

"It hasn't been long enough."

"Tony, Freddy has been gone for three years and three months. He would want you to move on. You know he would have." Tears came to my eyes when he said Freddy's name. "Man, we all know you loved Freddy and Freddy did you. But you need this, Tony. You need to open up to someone again and live. You haven't been living these past few years. We can all see it." I just looked at him. "But we all noticed when you saw Chad."

"What do you mean?"

"You were happier in the mornings, when you saw him on the bench. It was John and Mark that noticed you one morning. They were standing in front of the station when they watched you coming from the parking lot. They noticed when you came into view of Chad you puffed up, like a peacock showing off your feathers. They told me about it, and I smiled and laughed. I didn't believe them until one day I was coming behind you from the parking lot and witnessed it for myself."

I just laughed. "A peacock, huh? Do you know I deliberately came in one morning to run before work, just to see the look on his face when I ran past him?"

"So you were trying to kill the poor guy."

"My heart is telling me it is time, Ryan, but my head keeps telling me I need to wait."

"Tony, it's baby steps. Talk to him. Take him out for coffee or a drink. You don't have to go all gung-ho, just take steps."




Finding Love after a Broken Heart



"I know you're right, and I'll try." We walked back into the house and towards the table. Chad was gone. "Where did Chad go?"

"He just said he had to go, and told us he would settle up later," Eric responded

"When did he leave?"

"About five minutes ago," John responded and I started for the door. "He is gone, I watched him drive away."

I went back to the table, sat and played poker the rest of the night, getting more drunk the longer we played. I remember John and Ryan leading me home and putting me to bed, but other than that nothing else. I woke the next morning with a hangover, and all I wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep, which I did for a while, until I felt someone tapping my shoulder.

"What?" I whispered.

"Come on, it's after three. You need to get up," Ryan stated. "I have coffee on the table here. Get up and take a shower. John is on his way over."

"What are we doing?"

"Anything you want today."

"I want to sleep today away."

"Okay, anything but that. Come on, Tony, get up."

I sat up on the side of the bed, and Ryan shoved the coffee cup in my hand along with some aspirin and told me to drink. I sat there for a few minutes until the dizziness went away, then I stood and held on to Ryan. "God, did I drink that much last night?"

"You went and grabbed a fifth from your house after about your sixth beer." Then he laughed and guided me to my bathroom. I took a long shower, and when I came out fully dressed from my room, John and Ryan were sitting in the living room.

"Feeling better now?" John asked.

"A little more human."

"Good, because we are going to dinner."

We left to a local steak place. "You know the girls don't think we talk about anything other than sports or cop shit. I know that is marginally true because that is all we talk about in front of them, but Tony, you need to go and see Chad on Monday," John stated.

"Yeah, I will. Can we drop it now?"

We ate, and then went back to my place to watch a ball game. We didn't drink as heavily as the night before. Or I should say I didn't drink as heavily; the guys never do. We sat around and shot the shit until Anna decided it was time to break up the testosterone fest. The guys went home, and I locked up and went to bed.

On Sunday, I went by the cemetery, taking Freddy more tulips. I cleaned his stone off. I hadn't been there in a while, so I kept apologizing, saying that I hadn't forgotten about him, but life had gotten busy. I would tear up a bit whenever I went to the cemetery, but I wasn't crying anymore. The rest of Sunday was uneventful. I just worked on getting myself ready for the week, washing and ironing my uniforms and getting my lunches made.

Monday morning, I was up early and ran for a bit before getting ready for work. Ryan was bumming a ride with me this morning, so when I walked out to my car, he was actually waiting in the passenger seat. "I thought I was going to have to pull you out of your house this morning," Ryan said when I got in the car.

"Hey, this is the time I leave every morning. You know that."

"Yeah, but you are supposed to talk to Chad today. Remember?" I just grunted and started the car. We don't live that far from the station, only a few miles, so it didn't take us long to get there. When we were walking towards the station, I looked over to the normal bench that Chad would be sitting on and he wasn't there. My heart sank a little. "Well maybe he is running late this morning."

"Yeah, maybe." The day sucked. I was on patrol on the other side of the city. I pulled over a few people and, of course, they yelled at me for doing so. I know I can bring out the irritation in some people, but everyone that I pulled over had an attitude today. When I finally pulled back into the lot, I was happy the day was over. I met up with Ryan in the locker room. I don't change at work. There isn't a need to do that, when I'm just going straight home to take a shower anyways, but he tends to like to change into jeans and a t-shirt to head home.

When we walked out, he asked if I had a chance to stop by the courthouse. I told him no. The next few days went the same exact way-no Chad when I would walk in each morning, and everyone had an attitude when I pulled them over, not even thanking me when I would just let them off with a warning. When I didn't see Chad by Friday, I knew I had fucked up last Friday when I had my breakdown in the garage. I'm sure he thought I didn't want anything to do with him.

The weekend went by fast. I was amazed at that one. I was busy most of it, too. Just normal shit, maintaining the house, doing the laundry and stuff. I was hoping that Chad would be back at his post come Monday morning but he wasn't. I tried not to let it bother me, thinking it was probably for the best, maybe I couldn't really love again. I already had my love story.

Apparently, according to John and Ryan or anyone else I would come in contact with, I was grumpy. I thought I was normal. They said no, that all last week I was too easily irritated. I don't know. I thought I was fine. Midweek I stopped at the cemetery again, which was not normal for me. I don't know why Freddy had been on my mind more than usual.

I went out to dinner that night by myself, which is also unusual. I was sitting at the table eating when I saw Chad come in with another man. They were talking and laughing. Chad didn't see me, and they were seated in the back of the restaurant. I lost my appetite and asked for my bill.

I don't remember walking over to Ryan's that night. I was hammered. I woke on his sofa the next morning. He was sitting there drinking coffee and just pointed to some aspirin and a mug for me. I told him I was just going to call in sick, but he wouldn't let me, telling me that I have to live with the consequences of drinking on a work night. He drove that morning. I was thankful so I could close my eyes.

The staff sergeant took one look at me and stuck me on desk duty. I got to man the reception desk all day. I asked Ryan if he wanted to eat lunch, and he informed me he was busy. I just said okay, and was glad that I grabbed my lunch that morning.

I was sitting on a bench in the far corner of the square. I was blocked by a few trees, but I could see people enter the courtyard and head either to or from the court house or station. That is when I saw Ryan and Chad. They were coming back from the parking lot. Ryan waved to Chad as they parted to go in opposite directions. Ryan still didn't see me and walked into the station. He came out a few minutes later and looked right at me and walked over.

"Tony, before you start yelling."

"I'm not going to yell, I'm just going to walk away." I got up and walked back into the station. I knew he wouldn't try to talk to me there. Ryan would wait until we were heading home. Since I didn't have a change of clothes and some decent walking shoes, I had to wait and take the ride home with him. I was hoping that the afternoon would go slow, but of course it flew by.

I was standing at his car waiting for him when he came out. He got in and I followed suit. "Tony, I settled up his winnings from two weeks ago."

"Okay."

"And I asked him to come this Friday."

"Okay."

"He told me his cousin is in town and said he couldn't make it this week. I told him to bring his cousin."

"What else did you tell him?"

He looked at me, "That if he likes you, to hang in there, that you are a bonehead. Just like I told Freddy."

"What if it is for the best that I don't fall in love again?"

We were sitting in his driveway by now. "Tony do you remember last night at all?"

"Honestly?" 

He nodded his head. 

"I don't remember much after getting home last night and waking up on your couch this morning."

"I didn't think so. You came over crying last night, man, saying you lost him. I thought you meant Freddy. I thought you had reverted back to when you would get drunk those first few months after Freddy died. Both Anna and I were trying to calm you down, when you told us no, you lost Chad. That you saw him out on a date. Do you want to talk about it now that you will be able to make some sense?"

"Not really. I was out to dinner and he came in laughing and talking up a storm with some guy and they looked good together. I left not long after they were seated, and you know what happened after that."

"Why don't you just ask him out? He couldn't have started dating someone just like that. You two have been looking at one another for months. Just talk to him. This is Freddy all over again. Do you realize this?"

"I was stupid with Freddy, too, I know. I just have a hard time approaching a guy-not any guy, the only two that I have been attracted to."

"Come over tonight. Anna and I are firing up the grill, and we have a few people coming over. Come, eat, and socialize."

"I don't know, Ryan."

"Come, or I will send Anna over to get you."

"You know you don't play fair, right?"

I went home, shaved, showered, and got dressed. Around seven I walked back over to Ryan's. I could tell that John and Sarah were there, but there was another car but I didn't recognize it. I rang the bell and walked in. I could hear laughter coming from the family room. "It is about time you came over." I heard Ryan shout out, before I walked through the opening of the family room.

When I walked in of course I quickly scanned the room, and my eyes met Chad's. I saw the tiniest smile before he shut his emotions down to me. Next to him was the guy that I saw at the restaurant. Ryan spoke up, "Tony, of course you know Chad, and this is his cousin, Mike." Ryan put the emphases on cousin.

I smiled and extended my hand to Mike and then to Chad. When I touched him, my heart flipped in my chest. God, why does just touching him produce that effect in me? We all went out to the backyard, and Ryan started grilling, and we all sat down and talked. After we ate, Mike excused himself to the bathroom and the other four made themselves scarce.

"Chad..." I didn't know what to say.

"Tony, you don't have to freak out. I can tell you don't like me. Mike and I will go." I could see the sadness in his eyes. "Thanks for at least being nice to me in front of my cousin."

"Chad, I do like you." I leaned forward in my chair to talk lower, "It just scares the hell out of me."

"Why? You just take the chance. Haven't you been in a relationship before?"

"Yeah, Chad, that is why it scares the hell out of me." I looked at him. He looked completely confused, so I knew no one had told him about Freddy. "Chad, come with me for a few minutes so I can show you something." I looked at him. "Please." I stood up and held my hand out to him. He took it, and I led him through the gate over to my house.

When we stepped through my front door into the living room, I walked him over to the mantel. When I pointed to my wedding picture, I saw his eyes go wide. "You are married?"

"Was. I'm a widower. Freddy was my life. I lost him a little over three years ago." He looked at me with shock. "It's okay. It's has been a while." I explained to him my own reluctance to move on and that I hadn't thought I could, until the day I had seen him. He seemed to soften a lot when I said that. "I can be a blockhead, Chad. I know this," I laughed. "Freddy would tell me that all the time. I like you, and I would like to see if we could have something."

"Are you asking me out?"

"Only if you are accepting." 

He smiled, leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "Yeah, I am." He pulled me back to the door. "Let's go back over, before they miss us."

While walking back over to Ryan's we made a date for Saturday night and exchanged numbers before we walked into the backyard. We sat back down in our chairs like nothing had happened and started back in on the conversation. No one said anything to us, but I knew I would get the third degree after Chad and Mike left. I was praying that they would stay a little longer, but they left a little before nine. When they said their goodbyes, I tried to say mine, and John and Ryan put their hands on my shoulders.

"Well?" Anna said before anyone else.

"What?" I smiled.

"Did you two set up a date while you were at your house?"

"Not while we were at my house," I chuckled. They just all looked at me. "Yes, we are going out on Saturday."

"Good." All of them said in unison.

The next morning as I was walking in from the parking lot, Chad was sitting on his bench. I smiled and stopped to sit down with him. "Good morning." 

He handed me a coffee. I hadn't noticed that he had two. 

"Thanks."

"Well, did you have to answer a ton of questions last night? Because I had to," he chuckled.

"A few. Are you coming to poker tonight?" He nodded his head.

And that is how it started. Every morning we would meet out on our bench for coffee before work, and every night we would talk on the phone before bed. We would go out either Friday or Saturday night. We were slowly, and I mean very slowly, warming up to one another. I wasn't completely ready to jump into the deep end yet. I was wading in ankle deep water. I could tell that Chad was trying to be very patient with me, and I was grateful for that.

We were at my house one Saturday evening after I had taken him out to dinner. We were sitting on the couch, kissing and groping one another. He straddled my lap, and we were going at it hot and heavy for a little while. He was grinding his hard-on into mine. After a bit he got off me and held his hand out to me and pulled me down to my bedroom, but when we got to my door I froze, "Chad I can't."

"Why?" I could hear the need in his voice and see the need in his eyes.

"I haven't done this."

"I know, in over three years." He took my hand and led me into my bedroom and gently pushed me down on my bed. "Baby steps, Tony. Just baby steps today." He laid down in front of me, facing me and kissed me again. "Baby steps, Tony." He then turned around and snuggled his backside into me and pull my arms around him. He was using the same term Ryan would use with me, 'baby steps.'

I awoke the next morning still completely dressed and holding Chad. I smiled and kissed the back of his neck, and he turned over in my arms. "Did you sleep okay?" Chad asked me.

"Yeah, the best sleep I've had in a long time." And I was telling the truth. I still usually woke up in the middle of the night because a dream would wake me up, and I would reach out for Freddy and then remember he isn't there. "Did you?"

"Yes." He kissed my lips and then my neck. "Will you trust me?"

"I do trust you, Chad."

He didn't say anything after that. He pushed me to my back and straddled my hips. He kissed me on the mouth again and then my neck; he was pulling up on my t-shirt. Once he had it up past my nipples he dove for them, sucking one into his mouth. I moaned. I missed being touched by someone else. Chad moved down my legs and opened my jeans and tugged them down a bit. "Chad I don't have any condoms."

"It is okay, we don't need them today." As he sucked my cock into his mouth, I moaned and grabbed for the bedspread. Oh shit, what he was doing to my cock was blowing my mind. Because I have missed human touch for so long, I came too quickly. I didn't realize I was crying until he wiped at a few of my tears with his thumbs and kissed my cheeks. "See, baby steps."

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Crying, coming too quickly and not getting you off."

"Well, let's take them in order of how you listed them. One, the crying: Honey, it was the first time that you were intimate with someone other than Freddy. Did I expect you to cry, not completely, but I knew it was a possibility. Two, you didn't come that quickly," he smiled at me, "but we will work on your endurance level. And finally three, I came too." He pulled my hand down to his jeans and I felt the wet spot. "I was a bad, bad boy, I humped your leg." He smiled at me, and I pulled him in for a kiss.

I ordered him to strip, and I took his clothes and my uniforms from the hamper to throw into the washer. When I came back to the room, he was sitting on the bed and had the bedspread draped over him. "Now what am I supposed to wear?" he asked. I just pulled him up and led him to my bathroom and started the shower.

I undressed and pulled him into the shower with me. I washed him from head to toe and gave him a proper blowjob. I was hoping that I hadn't lost my touch. I did have him panting and leaning against the wall when I finished with him. I pushed him out of the shower and quickly cleaned myself. When I came out he was standing in my bedroom in just a towel.

"Again, what am I suppose to wear?"

I smiled at him and started digging through my drawers and pulled out a pair of shorts, with a draw string waist and the smallest t-shirt I could find. I am Hercules compared to him. I smiled at him. "At least it is something. Next time you decide to hump my leg, have a change of clothes here." He grinned at me.

I checked on the laundry and put it in the dryer. When I came back out to the living room, Chad was sitting there awkwardly, with Ryan and John. Ryan spoke up, "we came by to see if you wanted to do lunch and then watch the game, but we see that you are busy."

"You can go, Tony. I need to get home anyways."

I smiled at Chad. "Nope, not going anywhere today with the guys. They can stay and we can cook out or order in. Anyways, your clothes are in the dryer, and they won't be dry for a bit." He just stared at me while I smiled at him.

"Okay, we'll go and pick-up some steaks and the girls. Let's just make it a little get together then. We will be back in about an hour, which should give some time for Chad's clothes to dry." They chuckled and left the house.

Once they walked out of the house, I turned around. "Thanks," Chad responded grimly.

"What?"

"Now they think that we had sex."

"Is that a bad thing?" As I sat down next to him on the couch. "Are you afraid they are thinking badly about you for pulling a widower out of his depression?" I turned, hugged and kissed him.

"Yes, I don't want them thinking I am pushing you too quickly."

"Do you need me to save your virtue, and tell them that I spilt coffee all over you?"

"Oh my god, you are a blockhead." He laughed at me. "They know we went out last night. My car isn't here, and I am sure Ryan can put two and two together." Then he looked at me. "Hey, why do you want them to think we had full blown out sex anyways?"

"I would rather them think that, than find out that I was too scared to have sex with you right now."

"Right now?"

"Chad, I know you have been patient with me, too patient." I smiled at him. "We have been going out now for two months and in a normal relationship people would be having sex by now. Shit, after the first or second date." I sat back on the couch and pulled him up to me. "I know I shouldn't but part of me feels guilty for moving on. I know Freddy has been gone for almost three and a half years, and I know he would want me to move on. He told me so, not too long after we were married."

"He told you?"

I told him about Freddy and I lying in bed that one time. When the guys weren't back in the hour, Chad was dressed, and I asked him to come with me somewhere. I called the guys and told them I left the door unlocked and just to come over when they wanted, that we had to run out for a few. I stopped off at the flower shop and pick up some tulips and then drove to the cemetery.

"I hope this isn't too weird for you Chad, but I would like you to meet Freddy, I have told him about you."

He just smiled at me. "I would love to meet him." I got out of my car and rounded to the other side and he got out. I took his hand and had the tulips in the other. When we walked up to his grave I could see his eyes widen a little. I had his picture etched into the stone with 'In Loving Memory of a Wonderful Man that Fell in Love with a Muscle Head.'




Finding Love after a Broken Heart



"You actually had that written on his stone?" He smiled at me.

"He always called me his muscle head and said that he wondered how many weights I dropped on it." Chad laughed and I smiled. "He called me a blockhead too."

"Does that bother you that I called you one today?"

"No. On the contrary, it felt right." I stepped up, knelt down, and took a rag out of my pocket. I cleaned off Freddy's stone and laid the tulips at the base of the stone and stood back up. I stepped behind Chad and wrapped my arms around him. "Freddy, this is Chad, the guy that I have been telling you about. He makes me happy, and I know you would approve of him. I know I have to move on, Babe. I love you." I tightened my hold on Chad, and then led him back to the car. We rode back to my house in silence, and when we walked in, everyone was in the backyard, and Chad pulled me down to the bedroom.

"Thank you," Chad said, hugged and kissed me. "Thank you. I am glad I can make you happy. I hope one day I will make you feel more than that."

"I am sure you will." I pulled him into a kiss.

Our relationship took off from there. Chad stayed the night quite a few nights a week. After the first week, he finally made me stop at the store to buy lube and condoms. When we came home, he knew I was more than a little scared. "Baby steps, Tony." He smiled at me. "Ok, pushed baby steps, but you can do it."

I laughed as he pulled me off to my bedroom and started kissing me. He unbuttoned my shirt and slid it down my arms and kissed my chest. I was almost a foot taller than him, but he knew how to man handle me. He unbuttoned my pants and let them slide down my legs before pushing me hard onto the bed, and he quickly straddled my hips. "You're a feisty one in bed?"

"When there is something that I want, yes." He looked me in the eye. "Do you want me to get myself ready or do you want to do it?"

"I will get you ready. It's the least I can do." I smiled at him as he jumped off the bed and quickly undressed. "Okay, I have never seen you move that quick before." We both laughed as he climbed back on top of me.

"Come on Muscle Man, make me scream." He said as he flipped around and put his butt in my face and handing me the lube. I just laughed. He was very forward in what he wanted. Believe it or not, he was so much like Freddy it scared me sometimes.

I squeezed his ass cheeks and smacked one lightly. He squeaked, and I smiled. I put some lube in my hand and warmed it up a little before I put it on his pucker. He moaned when I inserted one finger. I rubbed his cock while I was opening him up. "See, it's all coming back to you. It feels great, Babe." I inserted one more and then two more fingers to open him. Once I had done that, he asked me to remove my fingers and he flipped around. He grabbed up a condom and the lube. After rolling the condom on me, he rubbed some lube up and down my cock. "How do you want me big boy?"

I just shook my head and rolled him over to be under me. I wasn't thinking anymore; instinct just kicked in. I placed my cock at his entrance and pushed in. After pushing the head of my cock in, I waited. I didn't know how long it had been for him, I know once you have sex quite a bit, once you open someone up, you don't generally have to wait long before they are ready to fuck. But not knowing, I wanted to be gentle.

Oh god, the feel of him, the tightness, it felt so wonderful. I was looking him in the eyes. I could see the lust, the want, and the need. Then I felt his feet pushing on my ass, trying to make me go further in him. Oh did I oblige. I sunk my entire length into him, and he moaned and told me to fuck him. Aggressive little one he is, and god, did I like that.

And he was a screamer. Oh my god, was he a screamer, and I loved every minute of it. Yeah it was only a few minutes. I will be honest about that. It was feeling so good that I couldn't hold out. I came quickly, but that was okay, because he did too. He was rubbing himself as I was fucking him. I was trying not to squish him, so I was using my arms to keep me up and off him. But when I came, I did fall down onto him, then I rolled us over until he was on top of me. We laid that way for a bit, until there was a knock at my bedroom door.

"What the fuck?" I said under my breath as I jumped up and grabbed a pair of shorts. I saw Chad run for the bathroom with his clothes. I opened my bedroom door to a smiling John. "Really, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Other than waiting patiently for you to finish, which man, I will say didn't take long." John laughed and I punched him. "Just thought I would let you know, we are becoming uncles soon. Ryan just took Anna to the hospital; Sarah is in the car because she came to tell you and couldn't stay in the house. But I didn't mind." John snickered.

"You are such a pervert. You know that, right? We will be up at the hospital in a bit." John left and I went back into my room to the bathroom. "Chad, are you okay?"

He was dressed and sitting on the tub edge. "Embarrassed. Do they always have to show up when we are being intimate?"

"Well I hope they wouldn't but it seems that they have lousy timing. But this time, was a good interruption. I'm going to be an uncle, so I have to go to the hospital."

"Well, you need to take a shower, and I will go home."

"No, we need to take a shower and we are going to the hospital." 

He smiled. 

"You are my boyfriend right?" 

He nodded his head. 

"Then we do things together. We will get embarrassed together, and we will meet my new nephew or niece, together."

Of course by time we made it up to the hospital, John and Sarah had told Anna and Ryan what we had been doing. So they were teasing us pretty bad when we first walked in. But Anna's contractions made that backstory news, and within a few hours Ryan was introducing us to our new niece, Katie Marie.

We had made a pack with one another when we were teenagers that because we all were the only child, our kids would all be cousins, and that we would also have more than one each. It was a little harder for me, when I came out, but the guys just laughed at me and said they would have another one each to make up for it. I know it is weird for guys to talk this way, but believe it or not, we did, and we do talk about more than just sports and cop shit, just not around the women.

In November there was a situation down at the courthouse. A man somehow got a gun past the metal detectors. I was on the other side of town patrolling when I heard it come over the radio. I had someone pulled over, but quickly returned their license and registration, so I could get down to the courthouse. Before I made it down, I knew there was a hostage situation in an office on the third floor. Chad worked on the third floor.

When I pulled up, I quickly ran up to the door, and was stopped by my captain. "I can't let you in, Tony."

"Why? I need to find Chad."

"Tony, the gunman is in his office. He is holding five people hostage. Estranged husband. Tony, you know what that means."

"Shit, please let me go up." Most hostage situations involve a man whose woman has left him in some way. The guy will barricade himself, and generally will kill his hostages and or be killed by police-suicide by cop.

"I can't do that, Tony. Please don't make me have to restrain you." I backed away from the doors, because as he was telling me he would restrain me. John and Ryan stepped up and put their hands on my shoulders.

"Come on, Tony. Let the team do their work. They will get him out. They will get him out. Just let them do their job," Ryan said.

It was the longest wait of my life. They had the guy talking, which was a good sign. If they hadn't, I would have been more restless. But I hated that Chad had to be scared up there. I couldn't get to him, to make him feel safe. At first I paced back and forth outside the building, but news crews showed up, and they moved me to one of the courtrooms. John and Ryan were told to keep me there. I wanted to ditch them and go upstairs, but they kept their eye on me, and threatened me that they would handcuff me. So I paced around the courtroom. I am sure I walked miles just inside that courtroom that day. Finally they announced that they had taken down the suspect, and that the hostages had been released.

They were sent down the main staircase which was in the middle of the courthouse. I rushed out of the court room to the main stairs, and I saw him. They were trying to send him outside, but I stopped the officer that was pushing him and pulled Chad to me. I wrapped my arms around him, and he had a death grip on me.

"Baby, you are okay. You are fine now. I love you," I told him, as we hugged. The hallway emptied and there was only John, Ryan, Chad and myself. "Come on, Baby, let's go home. Let's get you out of here." We all went out a side entrance near the parking lot, and I drove Chad to my home. He still hadn't talked once. I had him sitting on the couch and turned to him, "Honey, you are okay. You are safe."

He looked at me, "You said you love me."

"I did, because I do."

"I love you, too, and you are such a blockhead," he smiled and laughed at me. At least he wasn't quiet anymore.

"Why, what did I do now?" I was clueless.

"You finally tell me you love me when you thought you lost me."

He was right. I don't know if I would've said it for a little bit longer, if I hadn't been scared of losing him. "I am sorry that it has taken me this long, but I do love you." He crawled into my lap and I held him tight. When we went to bed that night, we made love for hours. Not all in one time, but we would kiss, cuddle and make love, sleep for a bit and repeat. When we awoke the next day, I was so tired that I didn't want to go to work. Chad had been told to take the day off, along with everyone that was in his office. But he rode with me to work so he could pick up his car.

Before I came home that evening, I stopped off at the cemetery. I needed to talk with Freddy. I know that sounds weird, but I took comfort in talking with Freddy when I need to think things through. When I arrived at home, Chad was there. He stayed the day saying he didn't feel like being at his apartment. "Then stay forever," I said to him.

"What?" He turned to me when I said it.

"Move in with me, Chad." I walked over and put my arms around him.

"What?"

I chuckled, "Now who is being the blockhead?" I hugged him to me. "I want to share my home and my life with you, Chad. I love you and I want you around me. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand, but I just don't know." 

My heart sank, but I didn't let him see it. 

"Honey, I love you, but it is a giant step, not a baby step. Are you really ready for it?"

I closed my eyes. "I went and told Freddy today. I know you don't understand it, that you don't understand why I have to go to the cemetery and tell him. But I had to, and I told him that I was going to ask you tonight to move in." 

He just stared at me, and I moved away from him. 

"I know I am fucked up, that I have to still seek the approval of my dead husband." I walked into my bedroom, feeling like shit. I heard him walk in behind me and he put his arms around me.

"Honey, I do understand. You were with Freddy for eight years. I know he was your life, but you are my life now." He walked around me and stared up at me. "I love you, Tony. I love you. I am just not ready to move in. Can you understand? Yes, we have been together for four months, just give me some time." He smiled up at me.

"Alright." I said and pulled him into a hug.

That was at the beginning of November. By Christmas he had moved in almost completely. I didn't push him to move in after that date; it had just kind of happened. Before that day in November he was staying a few times a week. Afterwards, he was staying about four nights, then it became five, and one week in December, he wasn't going home much at all anymore. He was more stopping to pick more of his things, so when he needed them they would be at my house. The only thing that kept him in his apartment was his lease, which was up in February. But by February we had everything in my house and he even turned in the keys early.

What also was happening more was Anna and Ryan were leaving Katie with us. At first they would ask us to watch her for an hour or so for them to just have dinner alone at their house without having to worry about her. Then it became a few hours so they could have a date night. I ended up buying a crib for one of my spare bedrooms, because later date night turned into, could you keep her until morning so we can have a night together. I would just laugh at them. We would have taken Katie without them asking. I loved my niece, and Chad was falling in love with her too.

April first came around, and I went to the cemetery alone. Chad wanted to come, but I asked him if I could do the anniversary date alone. It didn't bother me to have him by my side any other time of the year, but something about the anniversary of Freddy's death, I just need to do alone. Freddy had been gone for four years. I decided while I was at the cemetery that it was time to get rid of more of his things. Other than his clothes, I pretty much kept everything else of his in one of the spare bedrooms.

When I came home from the cemetery, Chad was waiting in the living room for me. "Hey Babe," I said.

"Honey, what is wrong?" Chad asked.

"Actually nothing and everything. I don't know if that makes sense. Nothing is wrong, because I love you and I hope that we are doing great, but everything because a lot is going to change."

"What is going to change?"

"I am ready to let go of Freddy. He is here in my heart and always will be," I was tearing up, but I needed to do this, "but I don't need to keep his things anymore, because I know he will always be here."

"So what do you want to do with it?"

"Donate it. I can't bring myself to sell any of it, so I will donate all of it. His cameras and everything." I told you Freddy liked taking pictures, which was his job. He would take pictures for the newspaper. When his job cleaned out his office for me, they bought an entire box of cameras and lenses home along with a ton of other things. "I would like to keep one of the cameras though. He had a digital one that he taught me how to use. I am sure I will have to dig for it, but that is all that I want to keep."

"Do you want me to help you go through it all and make sure there is nothing that you need to keep such as paperwork?"

"Yes, I would love you to help me go through it all before I donate it. And it won't bother me, but if there is something that you see that you would like, please feel free."

"I couldn't do that," Chad responded.

"Honey, seriously it will not bother me. If you see something please take it. I am going to ask our friends if they want anything as well."

I got in contact with all of Freddy's close friends and his family and asked if there was anything that they would like of his things. His mom and sister came over first and took a few things. They even asked for a few of the pictures, which I was happy to give to them. We had kept in contact, but it was always harder for me, because his sister was his twin and she reminded me too much of him. Just a few of his friends came by and took a camera each. They had all taken photography classes together. Other than the one digital camera and all his pictures, I donated the rest.

Over the following months, I started using the camera. Chad started to hate it because I kept snapping pictures of him, and then printing them and putting them on the bed for when he came home from work. Since I had put all the pictures over time back on the walls, table and mantel that Freddy had taken, I started taking some of the photos out of the frames and putting the ones that I would take of Chad or Chad and me. I did keep our wedding photo on the mantel, but I was removing more and more of Freddy's pictures.

In May, Ryan and I were called up to the hospital by John. Sarah was in labor. He had been staying home with her for a few days because it could be any day, so when Ryan and I got out of work that day we rushed up to the hospital. Sarah was going to be in labor for a while, so we all just settled back in her room to shoot the shit. Anna and Chad came up once they got home and changed, and Anna dropped Katie off with her parents.

When Chad walked by me, I grabbed him and pulled him down in my lap, he giggled. "You can go home if you are that frisky, Tony," Sarah laughed at me.

"Not frisky, just want to hold my Baby," I laughed.

"Well it only took close to a year, but at least Chad is not uncomfortable around all of us," Anna responded.

"It didn't take almost a year. We have only been together ten months," Chad smiled, then conceded, "Okay, it took seven of them." Everyone laughed.

I wanted to head home at ten that night, because I had to be up for work in the morning, Ryan said he would call when Sarah had the baby, since he didn't work the next day. Since Chad rode up with Anna, he came home with me. "You guys are like brothers."

"We are brothers. We made a pact a long time ago," I responded.

"Babe, I am glad you had and have them. If they hadn't been there for you, I don't think we would have been."

I took his hand in mine and brought it to my lips. "I love you, Chad, and I am glad that I had them to help me through my dark times, so I could come back into the light and see you."

Ryan called at four that morning to tell me that we were the proud uncles of a bouncing baby boy. John and Sarah named him John Thomas Jr. It didn't take long before John and Sarah were leaving Johnny with us to watch. I don't know what they were thinking. I don't know if they were trying to get us used to a kid or what, but it isn't like I can impregnate Chad. I know we could always adopt, but right then, it was nice to be just the two of us.

Summer went by and one fall day I was out of my patrol car in the downtown area, and I was walking past a jewelry store. I had just finished lunch in a little diner and a ring glisten just right from the sun and caught my eye. I walked in and looked at it. It was a wedding band. Was it time? It had only been a little over a year that Chad and I had been together. I told myself it wasn't time and walked back out of the store. A few months later, I walked past the store again and the band was still in the window. I looked up at the sky and told Freddy to settle down, that I had time.

January that following year, Chad and I had been together a year and a half. I finally walked back into the jewelry store and bought the two matching bands. I had them in my pocket when I came home that Saturday from work. I found Chad in the bedroom reorganizing the closet. It still scares me how similar he and Freddy are. Freddy couldn't just stay still either. Every minute awake he had to be doing something. Since Chad moved in, my clean house became our sparkling clean home.

I smiled standing there watching him. When he turned around and saw me, he squeaked because I scared the hell out of him. He walked over and hit me. "Will you stop sneaking up on me?"

"No, I like hearing you squeak." I pulled him into a hug and kissed him. His arms went around my waist, and he felt the boxes in my coat.

"What is in your jacket?"

"Nothing," I smiled, released him, and walked out of the closet.

I went over to my little gun safe and opened it so I could put my service weapon away for the night. When he wasn't looking I slipped the two ring boxes in as well. I know it is time, but I want to wait for the right moment to ask him. But, as usual, time got away from me. I looked at the boxes every day when I opened the safe to get my weapon or put it away, but always saying it isn't the right moment yet.




Finding Love after a Broken Heart



It is sad to admit it, but April first came around again and I still hadn't asked Chad. Chad didn't ask to go with me to the cemetery that day because he knew I liked to visit Freddy alone on that day. I had to work on the second which was a Saturday. On my way home I picked up roses for Chad. When I walked into the house, I couldn't find Chad. I found a note on the table, saying that he was over at Ryan's and to come over when I got home. I walked to the bedroom and got the ring from the safe and took the roses with me to Ryan's.

When I walked in, everyone was sitting in the family room. John and Sarah were also over. Anna was pregnant again. Katie was playing with Johnny on the floor with huge blocks. "You didn't change?" Chad smiled when he saw that I was still in my uniform. I hadn't even removed my weapon. I was too preoccupied about the ring that I forgot to take it off. "And who are the roses for?"

"They're for you. I was hoping to do this at home, but you weren't there." I got down on my knee in front of him and opened the ring box. "Chad, would you do the honors of marrying me?" 

His mouth opened and shut and opened again, his eyes were watering and he had a death grip on my hand. 

"Chad?"

"Oh my god, yes, Tony. Yes." I kissed and pulled him into a hug. I bought him two rings, which when put together are as wide as my band. One of his was diamonds-imbedded around the top half of the band. The other band was solid. I took the one ring out of the box and put it on his finger. It fit perfectly. "How did you know my size?"

"Guessed." I hadn't really. As I've said, Freddy and he were so similar that I just asked for the size Freddy would wear. I know it is terrible to keep comparing them, but as I've also said, they are so similar it scares me. "I love you, Chad."

"I love you, too." 

We decided to just stay engaged for a little while. We had a little backyard wedding on September twentieth. We had been together two years and two months by then. We only had a few family members and friends there. We both wore white tuxes with a red rose each. The picture sits on the mantel right next to Freddy's and mine. I was going to take it down and put it away, but Chad said it belonged there, so it stayed.

When we were together for four full years, married for almost two, both John and Ryan had two kids each, and Anna and Sarah were pushing Chad and I to adopt. One night a few months later, Chad and I were cuddling in bed. "Babe, have you considered adoption?" Chad asked.

"Honestly, I have been thinking about it more and more lately. Would you want a child, Babe?"

"I have been thinking about it a lot more since I turned twenty-seven last month," Chad responded. "It is weird. Every time Anna and Sarah have brought it up before, I really wasn't keen on the idea, but lately..."

"Yeah, lately I have been thinking about it also."

"Well since we are talking about it, Honey, do you want to be a father at thirty-three? You probably will be older than that by time we are cleared to adopt."

"I think if John and Ryan can do it, I should be able to do it," I smiled and pulled him tighter to me.

In the following months we did apply to adopt and became foster parents to a little three year old. The agency called Chad one afternoon and told him that they had a little boy that needed to be placed in a home. He had lost his parents in a fire, and there were no relatives that could be found. The kid had been in another foster home for a few months while they were searching for a relative, but the other foster home didn't want a permanent kid. So the agency was asking if we wanted him with possibility of starting adoption process in a few months. Chad didn't even take a second to think. He told them yes, and asked when he could pick him up. They told him he was ready right then to be picked up.

I didn't know that we were placed with a child until I got off duty and home. I was working a shift-and-a-half and Chad knew he couldn't call me when I was on patrol. When I came home, John's car was at my house, so I assumed that Sarah, Anna, and Ryan with all the kids were there too. I walked in and the kids were running around and there was an extra one. Chad looked up at me and smiled. "Honey, you look tired."

"I am, but I see that we have company and an extra kid running around. Never seen him before, whose kid is it?"

"Nice that you feel like we are a burden tonight." John jeered.

"Honey, the kid is ours." I was about walk out of the living room down the hall to take a shower when Chad announced that.

I turned around and looked at Chad, stunned, "Say again?"

"He is ours." Chad was smiling along with everyone else in the room. Chad got up and walked over to me. "Babe," he tapped my forehead and laughed, "are you there?"

"You said he is ours?"

"Yes, Babe. He is ours. With option to adopt in a few months."

"Really?" I was smiling now. Yes, having the kid here already was a little breath taking because I just figured we would be called down together and that it would be a few more months. "Wow. What's his name?" Everyone looked at each other when I asked that. "What is going on?"

"Well Honey, I didn't find out his name until I got down to the agency."

"Okay, that is fine, what is it?"

"Fredrick." 

I just stood there and looked at Chad.

"Freddy." Freddy ran up to Chad and hit his leg to remind him, I looked down at Freddy and he looked up at me.

"Freddy?"

"Yeah Babe, Freddy." I bent down and picked him up. He didn't shy away from me. "He is a very smart little boy for being only three." Chad hugged me when I put Freddy back down. He wanted to run around more. "Honey, go and take a shower and change. We were waiting to have dinner. The kids already ate."

I was stunned, I will tell you the truth. Was I ready to have a kid in the home? Not completely. Was I ready to have a kid in the home that was named, Freddy? I didn't know. I think I took the longest shower that night. When I came out to the kitchen, everyone looked concerned.

Anna walked up to me and put her arms around me. "He needs someone, please don't turn him away."

I softened at that. "I'm not. It just freaks me out a little. That is all, really." Chad came and hugged me next.

"Babe, I love you."

I laughed, "I love you too, Chad. It is okay. Really it is. But I am hungry, and you know what I turn into if I get too hungry." I smiled at Chad.

Having Freddy in the house was a blessing. He was full of energy and tired both Chad and I out. Chad's mom watched him when we both had to work, which was a blessing in itself, because it saved a ton on childcare. We did end up adopting him after six months, and he completed our family. We didn't adopt or foster another one. Having Freddy was enough for the both of us. Now I know why my parents stopped at one.

Chad and I just celebrated our sixth anniversary, and we have a second grader in the house. Freddy is a little social bee. We have kids over at the house all the time along with Katie and Kyle, Anna and Ryan's two, and John and Sarah's two, John Jr. and Nicky. When they all sleep over, let's just say it isn't fun for me. They know I am a big softy and over run me big time. Chad hates that I give into everything. He feels like the hated one because he has to maintain control. I need to start stepping up, or Chad is going to refuse to sleep with me one of these days.

Chad is still my world though, and he knows it, because he can get me to do anything too. I bring him roses once a week for no reason at all. Every once in a blue moon, because I know his favorite flower is daisies I will bring them home. He thinks I don't realize that they are his favorite, but I know they are, so I keep those for special times. Roses are just a dime a dozen, I keep telling him. He still calls me his blockhead, and I hope that he never stops, because as I said before he is my world. Well, he and Freddy are my world and it is a beautiful one.



Finding Love at Home



My mother had always been my ideal woman, matronly, with auburn hair and big brown eyes, a bit on the stout side but curvy. As women liked to say, she carried her weight well. As she aged she only became sexier as she put on more weight in all the right places. I don't know what she saw in my father except that he had a decent job and could provide for her. But what drew me most to her was her smell, that unmistakable heady mixture of lavender, sweat and a deep mustiness that came from her loins. To see her in a tight pair of jeans with heels, pearls and a form fitting sweater was to die for. I doubt she knew she was creating the prototype of my ideal woman, one that all other women would fail to meet. In a way, unwittingly or not, she ruined me for other women. I would never meet anyone like her.

She was a throwback to a 1950s housewife. She liked to cook, bake, clean and take care of the house. She always looked her best, not a hair out of place, even when she was vacuuming. She always had dinner ready for Dad when he came home along with his paper and a glass of Scotch. One night when I was 19 I walked past her bedroom. She was getting ready to go out to an evening with Dad. She was walking around her bedroom in heels, garters, pantyhose, bra and panties. I'll never forget that image. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen, her black lace panties through which I could barely make out her mound and her black lace bra which strained under the heft of her breasts, the quarter-sized light brown aureolas and thick nipples visible through the fabric. After Mom and Dad left for the evening, I walked into their bedroom. My head went dizzy with the lingering smell of my mother. Everything about her bedroom was sexual, from the soft ample bedding to the bottle of perfume that stood on her nightstand. I opened one of her drawers and plunged my hand into the soft silky folds of her lingerie and underwear. I wasn't bold enough to steal anything. I knew she would notice something like that, but she couldn't deprive me of her scent. I waited up until Mom and Dad came home, giddy with alcohol, laughing and stomping up the stairs to their room where they slammed the door shut. I pulled the sheets up to my chin and pretend to sleep but could only listen.

I wasn't interested in girls my age. They paled in comparison next to my mom. Perhaps the only woman who came close was my ninth grade English teacher Ms. Stacy who, curvy, matronly and solicitous, reminded me of mom but was a poor substitute. Other than her the only woman I thought and fantasized about was Mom.

I thought I would grew out of it, that it was only a passing phase a lot of boys went through, but as I got older my desire for her only intensified. If she knew about my attraction, she never let on. If anything she encouraged it by what she wore and by frequently hugging me and pecking me on the lips. Every time she did I was afraid she would become aware of the bulge in my jeans which I did everything in vain to hide

Not surprisingly, the only porn I was interested in featured younger men and women old enough to be their moms. But I wasn't into the plastic silicone enhanced milfs. Rather, I preferred amateur videos which featured real looking women which I found so much sexier. I tried dating older women. I even met a woman who liked mother/son roleplay. We dated a while but something was lacking from the relationship, a closeness and intimacy that I only enjoyed with Mom.

After college I did what any unemployed young man did. I moved back home. Dad had a new job that required a lot of travel and gone most of the time. That left me and mom. It was like old times again. Mom looked forward to making dinner and she always dressed up for it. For that reason, I never missed dinner at home with her. One night mom asked me what I was going to do with my life.

I said I didn't know.

"You need direction," she said.

"I need the love of a good woman," I smiled.

"That helps too," she said.

Being the fifties housewife she was, she refused to let men do any of the cooking and cleaning in the house and always cleared away the dinner plates. I sat in my chair after a full meal. I heard mom humming in the kitchen. I stood in the doorway and watched her wash dishes at the sink, her behind jiggling as she scrubbed. I don't know if she knew I was staring. She was wearing yellow rubber gloves and standing in high heels. She wore them even at home. I wanted nothing more than to come up behind her and kiss her and declare my undying love to her, but I was frozen by a paralyzing fear, the kind of fear I assume prevents most men from trying to sleep with their mothers.

That night, as I walked past her bedroom, I noticed the light was on in her room. I had already gotten ready for bed and was only wearing boxers. I tapped lightly on the door.

"Come in," she said.

I stepped into her room and the smell inside almost gave me an instant boner, bringing back all those childhood memories. Mom was lying in bed, with her reading glasses on, a book in her lap.

"Hi honey," she said. "I thought you'd be asleep by now."

I shook my head and took another step inside her room.

"Can't sleep," I said.

She patted the edge of the bed.

"Why don't you sit down and tell mom what's on your mind."

I sat down and stared at her. She smiled her maternal smile at me.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing," I said. "You're just so beautiful."

"You're ridiculous," she said and went back to her book.

I lied down and wrapped my arms around her. She hugged me back

"Oh honey, what's gotten into you?" she said, not upset, only surprised. "What's the matter?"

"I guess I'm afraid I'll never find true love," I said.

"Oh, you will, probably when you least expect it."

"What if I told you I think I already found it."

"You should go after her then instead of spending your nights here at home."

"What is she doesn't know I love her."

"Well, that's a pickle. Do you know her?"

I nodded.

"How well?"

"Very well. She's my best friend."

"Ah, that can be tricky. She probably only sees you as a friend."

"I think you're right," I said.

"Have you tried flowers. Every girl loves flowers."

"That's a good idea, Mom," I said.

"Anytime, dear," she said and pecked my cheek.

I said goodnight and walked away conscious of my engorged penis swinging between my legs.

The next day I had roses sent to the house. Mom cut off the stems and put them in a vase with water.

"I wonder who sent me these. They're lovely."

I couldn't help grinning.

"Charlie!" she said. "You shouldn't have."

"You said women love flowers."

"They do, but I'm your mother."

I just looked at her and smiled.

"Charlie! Oh Heavens. You don't think about me that way, do you?"

"Sometimes, mom. Well, actually, a lot."

"I don't know how I feel about that. I'm flattered but I'm your mom. You're a handsome young man. What would you want do with an old woman like me?"

"Mom, you're beautiful, the most beautiful woman I know."

"Honey, this is just a phase you're going through."

I shook my head. "I've felt this way since I was 13."

She bit her lip. "That is a long time. I think we just need to get this out of our system."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I think that whatever urges you have you need to act on. Then they'll be done and gone."

"Maybe."

"So what do you think about when you think about me?"

"I think about your legs, your lips, your breasts, your hips, your behind."

"And when you think about this do you get hard?"

I nodded.

"Are you hard right now?"

I nodded.

She look down at my crotch and raised an eyebrow. She reached down and grabbed me. "Wow, you weren't kidding. You are hard. Hard and big. You feel bigger than your father."

I grinned, proud of my manhood.

To my surprise, she didn't let go. She kept touching and rubbing, my erection only growing harder and bigger. "My, my, "she said, clucking her tongue. "If you get any bigger, you'll burst your pants. We wouldn't want you to burst them, now would we?"

I shook my head and she unzipped them, freeing my erection. She held my penis in her hand, examining it, studying it. The head was throbbing and already leaking. She clucked her tongue. She examined it from all angles even from the underside. "That's quite a piece of equipment," she said.

"Thanks, mom."

She took a traveling size tube of moisturizer and squirted some on her hand and started to jerk me in long slow stroke.

"How does that feel?"

"Like heaven," I said, barely able to contain myself.

I couldn't believe my mom was jerking me off. Unfortunately, even as slow as her strokes were, it didn't take long for me to climax, spewing my copious ejaculate all over her.

"Wow, that was a lot of cum," she said. "Your balls must have really full."

I nodded.

"Well, I need to get started on dinner," she said and like that she left, leaving me alone and confused with my shrinking cum covered penis.

The next morning Mom was making me breakfast. I sat down at the breakfast table. She was in her nightie, a vision of loveliness, her swaying breasts visible under the almost translucent material.

"How did you sleep?"

"O.K.," I said.

"Did you get that fantasy out of your system?"

I shook my head.

She sighed. "Frankly, I'm not surprised. A young man with a penis your size is probably insatiable. We'll just have to keep at it until you're sick and tired of that fantasy."

I gulped.

"Spread you legs."

I obeyed.

She knelt in front of me, pulled my penis out of my boxers and let a string of saliva fall from her mouth onto my cock. It felt better using her saliva as a lubricant. It felt more intimate. When I came, I came all over her tits. She said nothing of this and went to her room to change. I didn't see her again until dinner. At dinner she acted perfectly civil and normal as if a few hours earlier she hadn't jacked me off. I wasn't complaining. If mom wouldn't let me sleep with her, I would happily settle for hand jobs.

After dinner Mom said she had read in a women's magazine about the anti-aging properties of semen. "I think there's a way we can both help each other," she said. Each night and morning, she would jack me off making sure to aim my ejaculate at her face which she would then spread around and let dry. It was quite amazing to witness my mother's cum splattered face. The magazine was right. Mom never looked old. But the twice daily semen regimen did make her skin shinier and healthier and seemed to get rid of wrinkles.

Mom said if she could bottle and sell my sperm she would make a fortune.

I laughed. I told her she could have it for free as long as she wanted.

"So this fantasy of yours hasn't gone away, has it?"

I shook my head. "If anything, it's gotten more intense," I said.

She bit her lip. "I was afraid that would happen. Maybe we need to change strategies."

"How so?"

"Maybe we need to up the ante," she said mysteriously and left it at that.

That night, as I walked past her bedroom, I heard mother's lilting voice call to me. "Charlie, will you come in here a minute." I stepped into her semi-dark bedroom. The smell immediately seized and intoxicated me. Mom was lying in bed. She patted the edge of the bed and had me sit. As I did, she straddled me and pushed me back on the bed. I looked at my beautiful mother, her tits swinging over me, her nipples almost within reach. In one swift expert motion she lifted her nightie over head, exposing her pendulous breasts to me. I loved how they hung. I reached up and cupped them without asking her. She didn't seem to mind. Next she undid a barrette in her hair and her long auburn hair came tumbling down, cascading around my face. She was grinding on my erection. I grinded back. Growing bolder, I rolled her nipples between my thumb and forefinger. She titled back her head and moaned. It took me a second to realize she wasn't wearing panties, that the only thing between her loins and mine was my boxers. Reaching down, she threaded my penis through my fly. Much better, she said. We continued to grind, rubbing our genitals together. She was very wet and I was precuming loads so our juices mixed. She was working herself into a frenzy while she rubbed on me and I played with her nipples. Once she couldn't take it anymore, she lifted her hips, reached down and placed my cock head against her vulva whereupon she eased herself back down on me as I slowly penetrated her inch by inch. She moaned as I slowly filled her. She was tighter than expected. I felt so connected to her both physically and emotionally. For a while she just rested there with my cock inside her not moving, savoring the fullness. Then, very slowly, like a train picking up speed, she started to thrust. Her eyes rolled back and I met each one of her thrust. I wanted to say we fucked but really we made love. I couldn't hold it back much longer and whispered, "I'm going to cum." Mom didn't seem to hear or if she did she didn't care. Once I started to cum, I couldn't hold back. It was like opening a floodgate. I had never cum so much in my life. I must have spurted five or six times. Mom laid her head on my chest. I held her and kissed her as my penis softened inside her. We held that embrace for a long time. We kissed. "That was amazing," she said. "I didn't think a man has ever cum that much inside me."

I played with her hair. "I don't think I've ever cum that much either." She laid her head back down my chest and we fell asleep.

I woke up wondering if the night before had all been a dream. But I looked around and realized to my delight I was lying in my mother's bed. I could hear her in the shower, humming (her bedroom had its own bathroom). I walked in and sat down on the toilet, admiring my mother's figure through the fogged glass shower door. When she stepped out and dried herself, she didn't seem surprised to see me. Instead, she walked to me and held my head against her slightly distended tummy. I gazed up at her with awe as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"How did you sleep?"

"Like a champ."

"Why don't you clean up and I'll make us breakfast."

I smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

I watched her walk away, her hips swaying under her robe, her hair wrapped in a towel. I couldn't believe that gorgeous woman was my mother.

I didn't know what to do. I had fallen hard for my mother, a married woman. No other woman would do. We were perfect together in ever way. At breakfast I told her how I felt. She stared at me, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Well, that's a pickle, isn't it?"

"I love you, mom. I mean I really, really love you. I want to be with you. Always."

"Honey, that's going to be hard with your father around."

"Come away with me," I said. "We'll start a new life together. No one will have to know who we are."

"The idea is tempting, I have to admit, a second life with my son. Let me think about it."

Later, there was a knock at my door. "Come in," I said. Mom walked in and sat on the edge of my bed.

"I've thought very hard about this and I want to do it."

I smile the biggest smile in my life and hugged her. "I'm so glad, mom. I'll make you the happiest woman in the world. Whatever it takes."

"Don't get ahead of yourself," she said. "You're going to have to have responsibilities. You're going to have to find a job and provide for me."

"I will. I'll do anything for you."

She stood up. "So it's settled. As soon as you're packed we can leave."

"I don't need to pack."

"Why?"

"I already did."

That day we left the house never to return. I'm not going to say it was all roses from then on end. Like any couple, we had our ups and downs, but mostly ups, and most importantly I was with the woman I loved.