17 comments/ 16073 views/ 1 favorites This Will Hurt By: Kev H © Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved. You may not copy or share this work without my written permission. Please respect creative ownership. ----- "This will hurt," Aan warned with a worried glance. She pulled and then shoved Dee's arm before either of them could change their minds, and the shoulder slipped back into its socket with a wet snap. He clenched his teeth with a force of will, squeezing his eyes shut in a bid to outlast the fading agony. Afraid of being cuffed, Aan stepped away and watched Dee struggle with the pain of his cradled arm. He was a large man, broad shouldered and toughened by his former lifestyle. His eyes were blue in contrast to her dark brown ones; in fact, they were as different as any two humans could be, save their eyes were both filled with anxiety and suffering. And, their bodies were both leaner and sun-scorched from their last few days of hardships. She bit her lower lip as she worried about their predicament. Dee had been great at finding food for them, but the shoulder would hinder him in no small way. "Try to move your fingers," she offered after a few minutes, studying him with her dark, almond eyes. "See if the pain is less." He grunted and experimented a moment before nodding. "That was far worse than the original injury," he commented, taking deep breaths to regain his composure. The fall had been bad enough, and he knew he should feel lucky to have gotten off so lightly, even if it felt like the muscles behind his shoulder were torn. Aan nodded. "You were fortunate. We really should move if you can. Maybe we'll find a still place in the river like we did the other day." Dee grimaced as he wiggled his wrist. With his good arm, he grabbed the stout stick he had found at the river's edge two days ago and used it to stand. Gravity pulled at his wounded shoulder, but he ignored the dulled throbbing as best he could, following Aan's petite form out from under the rock ledge. They continued along the river, each silently bearing the pangs of constant hunger and dwindling hope. The day before yesterday they had found an eddy with fish lazy enough to be caught. But, it had taken an enormous amount of effort to catch the fish and get a fire lit. Then it had been an equal amount of trouble to get any meat away from the bones and scales. The scream of a gliding hawk seemed to enunciate the fact that though this land teemed with life, it was beyond their reach. After several hours of picking their way along the rocky shoreline, Dee saw several pieces of dry wood and a large eddy. "Aan, this may be a good place to stop for the day, so we have extra time to find food. The pit in my stomach is warring with my shoulder and my fried skin for my attention." She looked around her for a second before nodding, inwardly relieved that he had mentioned stopping before she was forced to ask. She could smell herself enough now to be bothered by it, though oddly enough, Dee's body odor seemed to be less irritating. "Let's do ourselves a favor tonight, and try to get clean in the water," she suggested. When he glanced at her with a raised eyebrow, she scowled and added, "I need your warmth at night to keep from freezing. It does not mean I enjoy smelling you. Please do me the favor." She was relieved that he winced and turned away. Perhaps she had misunderstood his questioning look. "I'll get firewood and take care of business while you wash then," Dee stated before making his way into the tree line. Aan waited several heartbeats before shedding her clothes and taking a few timid steps into the water, pausing to twist her long black hair and hold it in a ball above her head. The calm patch of river was almost shockingly cold, and it made her dizzy to have such sudden relief against her overheated skin in conjunction with the pain of her goose pimples. It was an odd reminder of how badly the sunburn hurt on top of everything else, and how much worse Dee's fair skin must be bothering him. She rubbed a free hand over her skin as roughly as she could stand and let go of her bladder. It was a simple pleasure to not have to squat behind a tree again, and she had to fight the urge to wash her filthy clothes. She'd be naked while they dried, or she would freeze in wet clothes once the sun went down; neither of those options was acceptable. If only the plane had not burned before we could get supplies from it, she wished for the hundredth time. Priding herself on her practicality was one thing, but the near hopelessness of the situation stretched her emotional control like a rubber band that quivers the second before it breaks. She stayed in the water as long as she dared before scanning the tree line and going to her clothes. Vowing to bathe in the heat of the day next time, she shivered and fingered her nasty clothes. After hesitating a moment longer, she compromised by shoving her underclothes in her jeans pocket to be washed and worn later. It was not long after she settled onto a giant boulder to watch the river that Dee came back with a pile of berries cupped in the end of his shirt. "You won't find any of these sour things in the supermarket, but they seem to be edible. Some kind of grape, I'd guess; I cleaned the vine." "Thanks," she said gratefully as she took two handfuls. Sour she could stand, so long as it helped fill the void in her stomach. "I'll turn my back while you wash up, but you should hurry before the sun loses any more of its warmth; that water is chilly." "If you insist," he chuckled. She heard him drop his clothing in a pile and wade in. His whoo echoed off the rocks, and he cried, "It feels like there should be ice in here. Making me shrivel to nothing." Aan found herself fighting a tired smile as Dee continued to carry on like a little boy. "I think our smell scared away all the fish," he guessed after he had put his clothes back on and joined her. "I did not even see any small ones." "Maybe," she conceded, "but I bet we sleep better now that we are cleaner." "I'd much rather have a stomach full of fish than a breath of clean air," Dee winced as he massaged his injured shoulder. "We will figure something else out," Aan said hopefully. "Can you show me how you started the fires? Maybe I can get it going tonight since your shoulder must be bothering you." "That would be an understatement," Dee nodded and wiggled a small rock out of his pocket, grateful for any help he could get. "Here's the rock I used last night. Find some dry kindling like leaves and this brown grass while I find another rock with a good striking surface." Before long, Dee came back with a fairly large rock cradled in his good arm and dumped it beside her small pile of kindling. "Now, granted I am no master woodsman," Dee declared with a self-depreciating air as he crouched beside her, "but I've always found it best to use the smallest stuff I can and try to angle any sparks into the dry grass. You can always add the small sticks and then the larger sticks once the fire has caught, but I know if you add them too quickly you can suffocate the fire and make it go out." Aan nodded patiently. She felt immeasurably better since she had warmed up from her bath. "And what is the trick with the rocks?" "I'm less sure on that. I just strike the rocks at an angle until I can get a spark. The grittiness of the rock I carry around helps, I think. And this larger rock I found should make it easier." Aan looked dubiously at the setup. It seemed unlikely that she could cause a spark to go right where she needed it. "Try it," Dee encouraged. "Just experiment until you get comfortable–-" He broke off suddenly and reached for his walking stick. Aan followed his gaze and was surprised to find a lean dog staring at them from the edge of the trees, eyes glowing as they caught the waning light of the setting sun. Even more surprising was Dee's reaction, for he jumped to his feet and raced at the dog, waving the stick wildly about him with his good arm and yelling at it to go away. Just as quickly, it scrambled back into the trees, and he returned with a satisfied look. His face split into a grin when he saw her baffled stare. "That, Aan, was our first competition here, and I wanted to make sure it did not return to its pack thinking we were food. I think we should build a larger fire tonight, just in case." "In case what?" Aan was almost too afraid to ask. "Well, in case that dingo brings its friends back for another look." Aan shivered at the thought of a dog looking hungrily at her. Dee saw her reaction and added, "I am sure there's much easier game around to keep them happy, but I just want to be cautious. I'll go find more wood." With that, he left her to tackle the problem of starting the fire. She tapped the larger rock with the stone in her hand a few times to get the feel for it. Then she hit the rocks together a little harder as she worked up her courage. Still she got no result. Part of her wished Dee had stayed a minute to make sure she was doing it correctly but, then again, she hoped she could have the fire going by the time he got back. Gripping the smaller rock more firmly this time, she struck down as hard as she dared. The larger rock shifted under the impact, and she let out a yelp of pain as the rock scraped off her skin. "What is it?" She heard Dee's voice call from the trees, and frustration turned to anger. "You do this damn thing," she shouted back, gripping her injured hand. She scowled at him as he hurried to the camp with a small bundle of sticks under his arm. "What happened?" he asked as he neared and dropped his pile of wood. "The damn rock cut me," Aan fumed. "If you had not left so soon–-" "Hey," he interrupted soothingly, taking her injured hand to inspect it and then looking into her eyes. "Partners, remember? We gotta stick together and survive together. I'm sorry I did not help more, but I really wanted to find us more wood for tonight and in the morning when we'll really need it." Tears threatened to replace her defused anger, and she had to look away. She stared across the gentle river to the massive rock ledge on the other side; a sight she would have enjoyed for its beauty under normal circumstances. "I guess I am trying not to feel so hopeless," she muttered. "If only...if only I still smoked, I'd have a lighter with me." Dee did not want to dwell on their situation any more than she did, so he moved the large rock beside the pile of dry grass and leaves, turning it up on its side. "Here," he resumed his normal tone. "Help hold this rock in place so I only need one hand to light the fire." Once she held the rock firmly in place, he used steady downward strikes to get sparks into the pile of grass. Sooner than the other times, he saw wisps of smoke rising from the grass and gently blew on them until a small flame leaped into existence. "There," he said with satisfaction, pocketing the rock. "We're getting this Boy Scout stuff down. I need to go find more wood while I still have some light. Please add more sticks carefully as the flame grows, smallest ones first." Aan dutifully grew the fire until she had used all the wood he had found. The heat seemed to irritate her skin, but she knew they would need the warmth before long. Then, struck by a thought, she went back to the water's edge to wash her underclothes so they could dry by the fire. As a bonus, the cold water numbed the scrape on her hand, so it became easier to ignore. She hesitated with her bra, tempted to sling it into the water and forget about it. But with no support, it would be obvious if she got cold or wet–-a dark part of her mind warned her not to make a bad situation worse. With reluctance, she wrung it dry along with her panties and took them to the heat of the fire. Not long after, Dee returned with a final load of firewood, and he looked pleased by the size of the fire. "That should serve us well for half the night, at least. What are you doing?" He was looking at her curiously as she held her underwear behind her back. "Drying my underclothes," she admitted with some embarrassment. "Please look away for a few minutes while I finish." But Dee only settled down on the other side, determined to make light of it. "You are so smart; wish I had thought of that. The worst thing of that bath was putting on my old clothes. Don't worry about me; I'm not interested in seeing your underwear." "Then look away," she insisted, and he complied without further protest. Just three days ago her life had been normal, she mused. On a small charter plane from Sydney, she had been headed back to her waiting husband and daughter. One crash, one dead pilot, and here she was with the only other passenger. She fought a losing battle against the depressing idea that she would not see her family again. Dee seemed to read her mind in the stretched silence. "So, it's your turn to tell about yourself," he said, barely audible about the crackling of the fire. "I'm too tired and hungry," she sighed. "Come on," he begged, turning to face her across the fire. "You promised last night you would tell me about yourself. I told you all about myself, and it helped to take our minds from this situation." Aan froze, realizing she still held her damp bra next to the fire in plain view, but he was looking at her face, not her underclothes. Then he added, "if not for you, then think of my throbbing shoulder." "Okay." She gave in, tucked the bra behind her as casually as she could manage, and spent a moment thinking about what to tell this guy who was a complete stranger just three days ago. "I was born in Burma in 1978. Five years after you were born in America, I think. My father was strict, and farmed for a living. He did not pay much attention to me since I was not a son, and I married as soon as I could because I knew it was the only way to be free." "Burma? Near Vietnam?" "Well, Myanmar now, but most of us still call it Burma. Father said the name was changed only as a sign of power, though they claim it was done to show more than just the racial Burmese lived there." Aan shrugged. "What was it like to grow up in Burma? I knew you looked too different to be Oriental." She was not sure how to take that statement, so she ignored it. "It was not so long after the war over Vietnam, and fearing a similar battle in our country, the military was key in keeping both Communism and Democracy away. My father had old friends in the military, so I almost never saw any of the oppression others talk about. He forbade me to learn English, though he indulged me with a few education books." She was not about to reveal the details, her real childhood memories as a willful girl, who learned through many humiliating beatings that her father would accept nothing less than submission, of the lack of open support from her mother or the cruel attitude of her brother. "We were very poor by your standards, but we had plenty to eat. I spent most of my time in the fields, exploring them when I was young and then working in them when I was around twelve. "Modern times were catching up to us, and by my teenage years, I knew English, and even went to a friend's house to play on her computer." She paused a moment to relive the past, warming to her story. "I loved the freedom. My friend's parents were very...how do you say it...hip. I learned much of what I knew about American culture from my friend, who had gone with her parents to visit in the early '90s. "But my father never changed, so in some ways, what I learned made it even harder at home for me. Most where I lived were farmers, stuck in their way of life, so I went with my friend into Mandalay every chance I had. I met my future husband there." She was lost in memories for a long minute, but Dee remained quiet, studying her. "He was a college student, filled with ideas of how we would travel and see the world," Aan continued. "But my pregnancy changed all that. I married him against my father's permission and moved into a small apartment in the city." "That had to be tough on you, to have such a controlling father." Aan shrugged away the bad feelings. "I have not seen my family since. Zeng Guo became my family, and then my daughter of course. She's almost six." Aan smiled sadly and began to tear up. "We will get home," Dee said with quiet conviction, "but we must work as a team and do whatever it takes." Aan nodded and felt the determination blossom anew in her. She was afraid talking about the past would make her despair, but it had the opposite effect. She was more ready than ever to fight for survival. "So, what were you doing in Sydney?" "Zeng and I own a small clothing store in Mandalay, small enough to be under the Tatma–-the military's view." Aan gave a snort of bitter amusement. "I insisted on going to see our buyer in Sydney since it was a quick trip, and I had not been away from the city since my girl was born." The silence threatened to stretch on forever, until Dee broke it with a grin. "The first thing I am going to do when I reach civilization is drink a beer." Aan laughed in genuine surprise. Dee seemed to know exactly what to say to keep her positive. "I want a big bowl of ice cream," she smiled at him. "Hmm," he said thoughtfully, "I wonder how ice cream will go with my beer." That made her laugh again. It felt amazingly good to think about the things she would do once she was out of this mess. "Let's sleep so we can get an early start." "You won't hear me argue with that logic," Dee replied as he added a few more fat branches to the fire and settled down beside it. Aan went a few steps into the night to put her warm underclothes back on before settling on the other side of the campfire. "You will want to stay over here close to me tonight," Dee reasoned. "The fire will lose its warmth long before we wake and we will need each other if it gets any colder." Aan hesitated a minute before complying, still not trusting the big American. Daytime companion was one thing, but night seemed to bring out many hidden fears in her, nightmares from her childhood that she thought buried forever. Part of her had been frightened last night when he talked about his short career in the Army. His story had seemed strange to her, with him laughing about school fights and wild helicopter rides, and somehow she felt worse that he was no longer in the military even though he had commented that it was completely normal. But his military training might make the difference in our survival, she told herself as she tried to sleep. Without being dreadfully tired, she knew the hard ground and her anxieties would make sleep nearly impossible. She listened to Dee's slow breathing and thought of home. She hoped that her husband was sheltering her little daughter from the fear he must be feeling. I'm coming, Zeng, she thought. She drifted off to sleep wondering what the future would hold for them. --- Aan woke from a fitful sleep to find she was shaking. The sun-ravaged skin on her face and arms felt stretched and gave off more heat than the dying embers. Strangely enough, that only seemed to make her colder. Muscles were cramping in her legs from staying in a fetal position and in her stomach from any meaningful lack of sustenance. Slowly stretching, her joints ached as she turned onto her back and saw Dee from the corner of her eye. He was unmoving, staring at the sky. For a horrible second, she thought he was dead, until she saw him blink. He slowly looked at her through eyes of pain. "Clouds covered the stars a few hours ago and the breeze got colder." She could tell now that he was shivering too, and he did not state the obvious that he hurt too badly to sleep. She glanced at the remains of the fire. "Can we restart this?" This Will Hurt "Yeah, but I didn't want to move while you slept." She would have rather woken up and been warm than be like she was now, but she nodded. "Tell me what to do, then," she said moodily as she struggled to her feet. Only his eyes followed her shaky movements, and he said: "Find some more grass or small sticks, both if you can." "But I can't see that far," she said, staring off into the blackness. "Give it a few seconds and your eyes will adjust. Just be careful. Move slowly. When you put those against the coals and blow on them softly, the fire will come back. Then you can pile on the other sticks I got last night." He groaned as he slid closer to the fire. "I'm stealing your warm spot," he tried to make light of his pain. Aan found he was right, and in a minute she could make out some of the grass that grew up through the gravel bed. Wary of an encounter with the dingo and its friends, she stayed as close as she could to their pitiful camp though she found no sticks. Dee had been thorough in gathering them last night, so she had to settle for handfuls of grass. "Will this do?" she asked as she showed them to him, and he nodded. "But put some of the smaller wood under the grass or they may all burn up before the wood has caught fire." They did not have to worry, however, and before long the fresh coals and dry wood created the blessed warmth they needed. Dee sighed in minor relief as he stopped shivering. "Thanks, Aan. Sorry I'm not more help, but lack of sleep apparently affects my pain tolerance as well as my energy level." She said nothing, but she forced a smile as she settled down next to where he lay. No matter how tired she was, her anxieties kept her from sleeping, so she lay listening to the crackle of the fire, the murmur of the river, and the shallow breathing of Dee's uneasy rest. Long hours dragged by, and the sky lightened in slow, imperceptible steps until Aan could make out the far riverbank. The clouds were thick, giving no ray of hope that they would see a morning sun, but she struggled to her feet, tired of waiting. Searching the water as well as the tree line for food, Aan quickly got discouraged and went to wake Dee. "Think we can find food while our fire is still hot?" she asked as he blinked the sleep out of his eyes. "We can–-" Dee broke off with a gasp of pain as he tried to sit up. He slowly lowered himself back to the ground and stared at the sky for a long moment. Aan watched him anxiously, but said nothing. "That was an incredibly painful reminder not to use my left side," he mumbled to the clouds. After a while he turned to look at her. "Sorry. At least it only hurts when I move it. Can you gather another pile of wood for the fire while I try to work out some of this soreness?" Aan got up without a word, not trusting herself to express her impatience. Bundled into one complex emotion was irritation, worry, fear, and helplessness–they were wasting time. She could not fend for herself out here and she needed him, but she needed him as he was before the injury. The gloomy morning seemed to heighten her anxieties. She tried hard to keep from breaking down, busying herself with the search for dry wood. A fat raindrop landed on her hand, startling her enough that she lost her grip on the sticks she had found. Another dropped on her head as she bent to recover the wood. Aan cussed their luck and hurried back to camp, watching the wall of rain come at her. "Over here," Dee called from his hiding spot. A boulder leaned over enough to give them a very slim cover from the rain. "Sit sideways like this," he showed her as she dropped the wood and sat touching the rock. "We can hope it blows through quickly." But the weather had other plans. When the downpour showed no signs of abating, Aan sighed again, shivering from the moist chill of the day. "Well, the weather knew we needed the rest and the break from this brutal sun," Dee said, forcing a grin. "We can save energy and I can convince my shoulder to stop hurting." The grin was met with a scowl. "We're starving, lost, and you think it a good thing?" "Of course not," Dee snapped back, "but a better attitude helps." "Helps our stomachs? Helps us get home?" Dee bit his tongue and took deep breaths for a few seconds. "You're right; let's sit around, be miserable, and make matters worse." Before she could respond, he shifted, turning so that his back was to her. She may have apologized, but the sight of his back only made her fume. They fought the hunger pains, the cold, and the brooding silence throughout the day. The rain would ease for several minutes and then intensify again, just as they were hoping for a break. Oddly, sitting against the cold rock all day only made them more exhausted, and now they were more emotionally drained from the effort to remain civil. Dee tried to nap against the rock, but it pressed against his injured shoulder if he relaxed, and he'd be damned if he would face her before she apologized. He could feel resentment between them now, and though he knew how counterproductive it was, he could do nothing for it but remain silent. He had never felt such a bizarre mixture of tired and restless before. He longed to make progress down the river, or sleep, but he could do neither, and a day spent waiting is the longest of all. The idle time took them beyond miserable, and as the light subtly dimmed, the temperature dropped even more. "This is silly..." Aan started before she realized that would get her nowhere, so she took a breath and began again. "Lets..." Another deep breath. "I'm sorry." Her voice was soft and subdued, and Dee finally turned to face her. Her head was down and Dee could see her breathing was shaky. "I guess...it's ok," he offered, though he had little energy left to remain positive. When she looked up, he could still see irritation strong on her face, along with her misery and anxiety. "Can we make a fire? I'm getting unbearably cold." "'Fraid not," Dee frowned at the wet sticks four feet away from them, in the steady rain. "All the wood we could find would be too wet. This rain is relentless." They were silent for a minute. "The only heat we are going to get is from each other." Aan's eyes widened in a mixture of revulsion and a hint of realized fear. "Look," Dee explained, "we're the only ones generating any heat around here, and it's getting sucked from our bodies by this wet cold." He sighed at her reaction. "Maybe...we can sit with our backs touching." Dee wasn't going to argue how ineffective that was, so he shrugged gingerly. "Might help. Trade with me so I can lean my good shoulder against the rock." He quickly went around her as she shifted forward. Even the two seconds of rain made him feel colder, but he settled down and leaned back against her as best he could. He found he could not relax because of their weight difference; he'd push her over. It brought him no comfort that he was right. After an hour of shivering and feeling her shiver at his back, he cleared his throat and spoke into the darkening gray. "It's clearly night now. We need to lay down and try to sleep, I guess." When she did not answer, he went on as neutrally as he could. "You look like you weight about one hundred pounds. I think the warmest way we can conserve heat is to stack, but I'd be too heavy for you." Dee chuckled in an attempt to draw her out. "You might be warm, but unable to breathe. Umm, let's try you lying on me; you will trap some body heat that way." There was nothing but silence. "Okay? Survival, remember?" He felt her shift away to stand up, and he released the breath he was holding. "Turn sideways so I can get past you without getting too wet. Please." She turned so he could lie down on the rocky ground. If his head was near the rain, only his feet got wet. "It could be worse," he murmured to himself, and Aan hesitated while crouched over him under the scant rock cover. After another long moment, she tentatively settled onto him like a too-small blanket, yet he felt the difference immediately. Everywhere she touched felt marginally warmer, and he could feel the effects of her sunburn. She trembled and shifted on him, tucking in her arms and pressing her face into his chest. Her body produced a surprising amount of heat in an effort to offset the wet cold. Dee stayed as relaxed as he could manage as he coped with the weight on him. Aan began to relax in small stages as he held still, feeling the heat from arms and chest. Then she settled completely onto him. He felt the wonderful heat now pressed against his crotch, and he felt himself stir. Oh shit, he thought; he focused on the falling rain, then on the texture of the rock. But his body was warming fast, and he could only feel the heat coming from her. She shook less and squirmed more as she began to feel warm at long last. Hard points moved around his stomach, feminine skin brushed his, heavy hair moved across his neck. He imagined plunging into that heat, diving into the balmy warmth of her body, and her musky smell became potently feminine. A voice told him that they'd be warm almost instantly if they were closer. Blood throbbed into his manhood, and Aan went still. He continued throbbing against her unmoving body as he grew. He felt her raise her head to look at him, but he refused to meet her eyes, struggling to maintain an air of nonchalance. "You bastard." She didn't move from the coveted heat, but there was venom in her voice. After a strained pause, Dee spoke into the rain: "I...I can't help it, I'm sorry. This is embarrassing." He struggled with his intense mortification, searching for any placating words. "I'm finally getting warm, I guess. I'm so sorry." "You are getting warm, and you think about sex." The scorn was thick. "No!" he shouted into her face, making her get up. "I...can't help it. Can you not leave me be with my...my struggles? You know what–-go find your own fucking rock to crawl under and freeze to death!" He pushed her out into the rain where she stumbled and fell back. "You fucking bitch!" The rain soaked her as she sat there staring at him with barely contained hate. How could he betray their fragile trust? Were all men perverts and rapists? Except for her Zeng, of course. The thought made her wish for him with an ache that was unbearable. Even as she began to shake again, she could not stop the raw sobs that rippled through her entire body. "Don't do that shit!" Dee snapped, only warmed by his anger now. "Go find some other place to cry so I can try and get some sleep. You will be lucky if I don't leave your ass here." Aan made no move to stand or leave, so Dee leaned back against the rock, not trusting her enough to close his eyes. Needing to do something with his hands, he took out the rock he had been carrying around, turning it over in his hands. Eventually, he began to use a rock anvil to experiment with the sharp edge. It was better to have a cutting tool and not need it than to need one and not have it. They were so lost in their desolation that they did not notice the rain slackening until it had nearly stopped. "I see stars," Dee spoke softly into the relative silence. His voice was flat with fatigue. Aan wiped her face and followed his gaze to the clearing sky. "It will get really cold now. If I get enough moonlight, I am going to follow the river. Better than freezing–-shoulda done that from the start." Aan nodded but said nothing, simply watching him. When the clouds cleared away from the moon, Dee got up and began picking his way slowly down to the riverbank. He was done with her; he said nothing, nor did he look her way as he left. She clung to herself for more than the warmth that would not come. She struggled to hang onto her sanity, her very reason for living. It would be so easy to wade into the water and end it. The air may not be cold enough to end it peacefully, but she knew frigid water was more deadly. Watching Dee's retreating blackness, she was struck with the fear that if she lost sight of him, it would be over for her. She was not willing to die, as much as she hated life right now. Instead, she settled for hating herself even more as she struggled to her feet and followed him. "He was right," she mumbled bitterly in her native tongue, as the walk warmed her and made the sky lighten quicker. "But it was originally my idea." She caught him looking back once, but he never slowed. This made her scowl and gave her energy to stumble onward as they crept along the uneven shoreline, as alone as two humans can be. The sun brought warmth, and Aan would have wept again had the sunburn and exhaustion not kept her from it. She could barely feel her aching muscles over the pit in her stomach that dominated her every breath. She wanted her old life back; she wanted the joy of hearing her daughter's laughter. Yet through her pain, she could not even remember what that sounded like. She collapsed onto a large rock to rest, not sure if she could get up again. And in a moment of clarity, she knew she desperately needed Dee to survive, even if they were a day from rescue. For her own survival, she must do whatever it takes to get Dee back, to get him to pity her, to drag her to freedom. Later there will be time to curse his soul, she told herself. But for now, it's up to me. She began to call to him, to beg him, yet she knew he was too far ahead to ever hear her over the ambient river noise. My only chance is beyond me. Just then she saw him stumble and sit heavily against his own rock. This was her chance to gain on him, and the thought gave her determination. She focused on his sitting profile as she made her way along the river's edge, slowly gaining with each step. "This is more than I can bear." Her eyes pleaded with him, large globes of fear and resignation. She slowly stepped closer. "We cannot survive this alone." Dee continued to lie against the bare rock and watch her, waiting. "Please, don't leave me again." "How can I trust you?" His voice was soft and tired. She drew a deep breath and chose her words carefully, knowing somehow her fate clung to them. "I never dreamed that hunger could hurt this bad, that we could die so close to rescue, but I feel it to the core. We will die without each other, and for that chance, I am willing..." She almost stumbled to a halt, but she forced herself to settle on the rock beside him. "...to do anything. Anything to survive to see my little girl again." He considered for a long time before nodding. "Okay, then. Let's sleep while the sun warms us, and this rock blocks the wind and the direct sun." "Thank you," she said, with sudden feeling, meaning every ounce of gratitude. For the first time in ages, they fell into a comfortable silence as the warm sun aided their drowsiness. Each drifted into a light sleep, shoulder to shoulder against the warming rock. --- A small shift brought Aan's head down onto Dee's shoulder, and the hunger coupled with that movement woke them. Parched, they slowly rose and drank as much water from the river as they could stomach. They eyed each other warily, and Dee cleared his throat. "I guess we should try to make more progress." There was little conviction in his voice, and Aan felt her stomach trying to rebel. "We need food," she whined. "There has to be food here somewhere." Dee sighed. "There isn't much we can eat on the river. We have nothing to catch fish and the grass and leaves will just make us puke. Or worse." "Then we should leave the river." Aan continued over his warning look. "There has to be something we can find, then we can come right back." "This river is our lifeline–-our only chance to make it back. And it's nuts that we have not encountered anyone yet." "Please," she begged, "just a quick look. Food will give the strength we need to get home." Dee growled in reluctance, but nodded finally. She led them into the thin trees that grew as close as the rocky soil would allow. Deeper they went, picking the path of least resistance through the dense underbrush. Aan stopped to rest, sighing as she looked around at the vegetation. She realized her strength ebbed noticeably quicker now as hunger claimed the stamina she normally would have. "We don't even have the ability to boil water," she thought aloud. "And this differs from the river how?" "Shut up! I had to try–-" Dee cocked his head and held up his hand for silence. "Hear that?" Just as Aan was about to shake her head, she heard it too. The sound of rotors. "Shit!" Dee was off, racing back toward the river. Cradling his arm and fighting for balance, he picked his way through the trees and rocks as fast as he could. Aan followed closely until she lost her footing, twisting her ankle and scraping her hands. Biting back her tears, she whimpered and pushed herself to her feet with pure determination. Aan limped as fast as she could, favoring her right ankle. She broke into the clearing to see Dee bent over, cradling his injured shoulder and cussing in a steady stream. Her hope faded with the sound, and soon they were left alone with the sounds of the river and Dee's angry tirade. "Will they be back?" The question was out before she could take it back, but at least he stopped and looked at her. His face was full of frustration. "Why should they? We left no goddamn sign we were here when we went wandering off, and that rain probably cleaned the remains of our small fires." "You don't have to be an ass about it." That was the wrong thing to say. Suddenly he was in her face. "I will remind you whose idea it was to wander away from the river, our trail to life." She took an involuntary step back on her injured ankle and fell onto her back. "We need food," she spat back at him as he loomed over her. "You not been so helpful lately." Dee's stomach demanded satisfaction, and he knew he was weak from hunger; probably would only get worse until he could not walk. He envisioned lying on the ground, slowly freezing and starving with no energy to make it home. "What?" she demanded as he looked at her. "Have you thought up ways to feed us?" She gave him a focus for his anger and a solution to his problem. "Yep, you fucking bitch. I have found food, but you ain't gonna like it." He leered and squatted over her. Dee's hesitation was a mistake as Aan swung her arm around with all of her remaining strength. Her cry of pain was nearly muted by the ringing blow against his head. In the second he took to recover, she scrambled up and away from him, stumbling in her weakness and fright. His ear throbbed with the heartbeat that pounded into his brain, beating down the last barriers of civilization. The conscientious Dee was gone; now he was the hunter, with all the confidence that comes from knowing the prey would soon be his. He bounced up from the rocky ground, adrenaline giving him the strength his muscles lacked. In a few seconds, he caught up to Aan and pushed her to the ground. She fell with a groan and a clatter of loose rocks, but she nimbly rolled to her side. He was on her before she could scramble up, and he knocked her face painfully into the rough ground. She screamed in fear as she felt his weight pushing down onto her back and his hands grabbing her hair. Sharp rocks ground into her face and muffled her gasping sobs. When confronted with the very essence of her worst nightmares, she went limp under his harsh treatment and began to whimper. "Please, Dee," she sobbed as he rolled her over and pressed a knee into her thighs, but there was no mercy in those eyes. Before she could plead any further, he yanked her shirt, bra and arms above her head, and held them in one large hand with an uncanny strength. Blinded by the filthy shirt, she encountered new depths of a horror too enormous to grasp. She wailed and tensed to struggle again. This Will Hurt Aan's screaming reached a new pitch as she felt the jagged edge of his makeshift knife against the underside of her breast. Pain exploded in her chest as she heard the rock rip her skin. Her blood ran in all directions as he used a brutal sawing motion to cut into the fat and muscles, slicing upward against her rib bones. Through the shock and pain, Aan could feel blood pooling in her belly button and rushing down her sides; she could smell the stench of the shirt that blinded her, now turning red with her vital juices. Her shrieks became more hoarse and her struggles lessened as she tried to cope with the intense agony of being flayed alive. Her world condensed down to the blossoming pain of raw nerves and the stretching and ripping of her skin. Through her heaving gasps, a part of her felt him reverse his angle to cut the top of her breast free from her body. Then he began his gruesome work on the other side, and Aan's small world blackened. --- He thought nothing of her screams, but it was nice when they stopped. Once his prizes were cut away, he carried them to the river's edge to wash away the excess blood. He would have preferred a fire to cook the meat, but his stomach demanded immediate satisfaction and his adrenaline was fading. Obeying the urges, he took large bites, swallowing quickly before his gag reflex could interfere. He did not even notice that it was not all meat and fat, but quickly finished one and started on the other. That wasn't so bad. He had his first recognizable thought as he finished his meal and washed his face in the river. He would rather have to live with what he had done than starve to death. He looked back at the bloody body and considered cutting more meat, but his immediate urge was satisfied and the hunter instinct had left with it. I can always find more once I get my strength back, he told himself. Also, he realized that Aan might be right about being so close, and her screams could bring unwanted attention, so Dee cleaned his rock and continued along the river, though his stomach now hurt in a different way. He stopped often and drank the cold water to help combat the urges to vomit. The first spasms made his weakened knees give out. Rocks were sharp and the shallow water was icy, but his focus was consumed by the cramps. Pitching forward onto his hands, he lost all hope of nourishment as the debilitating cramps sent his meal into the water. When his eyes weren't clenched tightly, he watched the complex micro currents of the shoreline toy with chunks of flesh. Long minutes of pain made him lay curled in a fetal position; if he waited patiently enough the cramps would have to ease. But the reality was that he was far too close to the body. Bile dripped from his chin as he lifted his head to eye the other shoreline. It was so close, and the other side would surely be less conspicuous. He knew he must distance himself before he was found. He could always formulate a story later. Once across, he could dry and warm somehow, maybe find some more berries; his irrational urge pushed him into the water. The shocking cold seemed to help the cramps; he was simply dry-heaving now. He figured it would be simple to float and paddle to the other side. New life and new chances if I can't have my old one back. He felt the tug of the deceptive current as the river became too deep for him to maintain his footing. His first mouthful of water choked him, making it difficult to move or float. He struggled for air, panic giving him the strength he needed to surface and grab a breath. Turning onto his back, he never saw the river-smoothed boulder. --- Two fishermen caught the movement from the object floating around the river bend. Quickly starting the trolling motor, they maneuvered into position to intercept the body and drag it out of the water. Blue eyes stared past them and into the great unknown. ----- Acknowledgements: I am very grateful to CopyCarver for his thorough editing. Also, FallingtoFly gets a big hug for her feedback. And, thanks to the several Litsters, who unwittingly helped me do some of the "research" for this.