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The Long Road Back Ch. 01

By: sexygirl76



Chapter 1 Coming Home

After driving for 2 days, I pulled my black mustang up in front of a house that I hadn't seen in over seven years. The home I had grown up in. As I stared at my mother's house, I shivered inside. The house hadn't changed. The blue trim around the windows looked as if it had recently been painted. My mother's flower garden was thriving under the front windows. In my minds eye, I could see my mother lying on a lounge chair in the back yard by the Olympic size swimming pool. 

Pulling myself back to the present I looked at myself in the rearview mirror and it came to me how much I had changed in the past seven years. My once long blondish brown hair now rested just below my shoulders. My ice blue eyes once full of mischief were now full of worry for the future. 

I heard a small yawn beside me and a look at the passenger seat told me the one thing about me that had changed the most. Sitting in his car seat, was my four year old son John. His blue black hair was pushed back off his face. His sea green eyes closed in sleep. Reaching over I brushed a stray strand off his forehead then smiled. The jeans and t-shirt outfit that Nancy had bought him before I left fit him well. I would have to tell her when I wrote her a letter.

Looking back towards the house, I saw the front door open and a man in his early to mid 40's walk out to pick up the morning paper. Getting out of the car, I watched the man as he picked up the paper and started perusing it before going back into the house. From what I could see at this distance, he wasn't a bad looking guy. His dark brown hair was spotted with grey and was cut just above his neck. He wasn't a muscle man but he didn't have to bad of a body in my opinion. I couldn't see the color of his eyes, but guessed they were a light brown. 

I was about to call out to him, when he looked up from the paper and our eyes met. I felt his eyes go down my body then slowly make their way back up until they once again rested on my face. He kind of smiled then called out, "Can I help you, I hope?"

I kind of chuckled to myself then leaned back against the car, my black jean skirt molding itself more closely to my body. "Well actually, I'm looking for Joann Miller." I called back.

He moved a little closer as if to get a better look at me then smiled. "Oh, are you one of her students? I didn't realize she was teaching today."

It took me a moment to understand what he was talking about, and then I remembered. Monday, Wednesday and Fridays my mother taught piano to the kids around the neighborhood.

Standing back up straight, I looked into the car to make sure John was still asleep then slowly walked towards the man. "Actually," I said stopping a few feet from him. "She's my mother. I'm Crystal Miller." The man's mouth dropped open, and he dropped the paper. "And you are?" I asked taking off my sunglasses so he could see my eyes.

"I-I'm Jeff Daniels. You can't be Crystal."

Indignantly I put my hands on my hips. "And why can't I?"

He smiled at me. "Because the last time I saw you, you were barely in kindergarten. Plus you are too beautiful to be Crystal."

When he said that, I knew why he looked so familiar to me. Jeff and his wife Marlene had been our next door neighbors until they moved out to Bakersfield when I was 5. My brother Robert and I used to play with his children. Walking closer I hugged him. "Well it's me. How have you been? How are Marlene and the kids doing?"

Jeff pulled back and I saw the pain in his eyes before he covered it with a smile. "Marlene died of cancer 4 years ago. Kelly is living back east with her husband who is in the air force and I haven't talked to Eric in over 5 years. I don't know where he is."

I rested my hand on his shoulder. "Oh Jeff, I'm sorry."

He smiled at me. "It's okay. So what have you been up to? Your mom says she hasn't seen or heard from you in over seven years, since you got sent to foster care and drug rehab." 

I pulled away from him and started walking back to the car. "Yea well I decided that I needed to start a new life. So I did." I smiled at him as he walked beside me. "So what are you doing here?"

From the blush he had on his face, I knew before he even answered the question. I glanced at his hand where a plain gold wedding band sparkled in the sunlight. I put my hand over my mouth and said. "You didn't?"

Jeff smiled at me wryly. "Yes I'm your new stepfather. Your mom and I have been married for a little over a year. When Marlene died I felt like a part of me died with her. I lived alone in that big house for over a year before I finally sold it and moved back here. 

About 2 years ago, your mom and I ran into each other at the grocery store. We went out for coffee, I told her about Marlene and she told me about Peter." 

At the mention of my father's name, I lowered my head. I didn't want to think about him. It was because of him that all the trouble started in the first place. 

I felt Jeff's fingers on my chin and slowly raised my head to look into his eyes. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you." He said smiling softly.

"It's okay." I replied forcing a smile. "I just don't like thinking about my dad is all." I punched him good naturedly in the shoulder. "So you and mom started with coffee and ended up married." I laughed. "What does Robert think of this?"

Jeff chuckled. "Actually at first he wanted to punch my lights out. But when your mom told him that she loved me and he saw how happy we were together, things went better. Over the past six months Robert and I have actually become friends." He put his hand to his forehead. "Actually Robert is coming over for dinner tonight. I totally forgot."

Before I could reply, I heard a soft voice call "mamma?" Jeff and I both turned at the sound. John was sitting on his knees on my seat – having unbuckled himself – looking up at us. When he saw me look at him, he held his arms out to me through the window.

Pulling my son out of the car, I held him in my arms as I turned to look at Jeff. I had to laugh at the expression of shock written on his face. "Did he just call you mamma?" 

I looked down at John who had his head resting against my shoulder then turned back to Jeff. "Jeff, I want you to meet my son, John Michael Anderson. John, this is Jeff."

"Hi Jeff," John said through a yawn.

Jeff reached over and touched John's hand. "Hi John, it's nice to meet you." Jeff turned back to me and smiled. "Boy, you're full of surprises today. Well, I guess we'd better go in or we'll have your mother out here thinking I ran off with the paper girl." Jeff laughed.



Just then I heard the front door open. Turning towards it, I almost dropped John as I stared at my mother. She hadn't changed a bit in the past seven years. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in a French braid; her eyes so much like mine were shining. She was tanned and looked beautiful. She was dressed in a bikini top and shorts. When she saw Jeff she smiled. "Hey, what's taking so long handsome?" She asked walking towards us.

I wanted to run, I wanted to get back in the car and not come back. All the hurt I had felt over the past seven years came back in a heartbeat. I stood there holding my son close to me as I watched her walk towards us. When she reached us, she put her arm around Jeff and kissed him lightly. "Who you talking to babe?" she asked turning towards me. 

I knew then that the moment I had been dreading and looking forward to for the past 2 weeks was finally here. When she looked at me, I saw first recognition, then surprise then hurt then anger all flash across her face at what seemed like the same time. "Oh, after seven years you finally decide to darken my doorstep." She flared. "I have lain in bed at night wondering if you were alive or dead. Wondering where you were and how you were doing. Now out of the blue you show up. Well guess what...." She stopped then suddenly burst into tears. 

I handed John to Jeff then wrapped my arms around my mother. "I'm sorry mamma. I was hurt and angry and didn't know what kind of reception I would get if I came back, so I stayed away." 

I felt her arms go around me and hold tight. "I'm sorry Crystal. I've just missed you so much." She cried against my shoulder.

I pulled away and looked at her. "I've missed you to mamma." I said keeping my hands on her shoulders. I looked at Jeff and saw tears glistening in his eyes. Then he nodded to John. I smiled then turned back to my mother. "Mamma, there's someone I want you to meet." I smiled at her then took my son out of Jeff's arms. 

I watched her eyes move from John to me then back to John again. "Mamma, this is my son, John Michael Anderson, your grandson."

I saw the awe in her eyes as she smiled at him then held out her arms to him. John looked at me. When I nodded, he reached out for her. Without a word, mom took him into her arms holding him tight. Then she turned back to me, "your son?"

I smiled and nodded through the tears in my eyes. "He's four."

She held John in one arm, reaching out with her other hand and took mine. "Why don't we go back into the house and you can tell us all about it."

I smiled at her and started to follow them into the house when a blue mustang convertible pulled up into the driveway. Mom and Jeff didn't seem to notice as they continued on into the house but I stopped and looked over at the car.

When the man stepped out of the driver's seat I stood frozen with excitement and fear. I watched my brother step out of the car and laugh at something that someone in the car said. Suddenly he turned towards me and I was able to get a good look at him. His strawberry blonde hair hung down the middle of his back now. He had a beard and mustache, and from what I could see over the car looked very good. 

As I watched him step around the car, I had to admit for my brother he had a decent body. He was dressed in a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. I watched him open the passenger door for someone. 

Taking my eyes from my brother, I looked at the girl now stepping out of the car. She was about 5'6", petite with reddish brown hair. "Who is this?" I wondered to myself as I watched Robert kiss her gently then put his arm around her. When I looked back at her again, I saw the little bulge in her stomach. I guessed she was about 5 or 6 months pregnant. 

I was so engrossed in my brother and the girl that I didn't notice the other person get out of the back of the car. If I had I probably would have run for the hills. Hawk closed the door behind him and laughed at something Robert had said. Then he turned towards me and his eyes met mine. 

Before anyone could say a word or I could even move, Hawk ran towards me and pulled me into his arms kissing me deeply. "Crystal," he said when he finally let me come up for air. "What are you doing here?"

Before I could reply, I heard Robert's deep voice right next to me. "Who's your friend, Hawk?"

Tearing my eyes from Hawks' I looked at my brother. Our eyes met and we both seemed rooted to the spot. Finally he was able to find his voice, "Crystal?" He asked reaching for me as if to make sure I wasn't a dream. 

When his hand touched my face, I reached up and grasped his hand holding it there. It was as if the other two people weren't there. Only my brother and I existed.

"Hello Robert." I said holding his hand to my face.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming," he said pulling me into a tight embrace. "Tell me you're real."

I wrapped my arms around him as I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. "I'm here. It's really me big brother."

I heard a gasp and realized it was the girl who had come with Robert. Pulling out of his arms, I turned to look at her. "Robert?" She gasped looking from me to Robert and back to me.

Robert turned to her but before he could say anything I heard my mom's voice coming from the doorway. "Crystal are you coming in? John is calling for you." It seemed then that she saw Robert because she called, "oh Robert, good you're here. We all have a lot to talk about." Then I heard the door close.

I looked over at Hawk who was looking at me suspiciously, then to Robert who was smiling broadly to the girl who looked as though she was about to faint. Without a word to any of them, I turned and walked towards the house, leaving them to follow or not. For the 100th time today I wondered to myself if coming back here was such a good idea after all.







** *



An hour later, we were all sitting in the living room of my mothers' house drinking iced tea and everyone was looking to me for answers. Especially Hawk. When I had walked off the other three had followed. 

Once inside the house, Robert had told mom that he needed a cold washcloth for Suzanne's forehead. I assumed that Suzanne was the girl that he was holding so close to him. 

Walking into the living room, I picked up John and sat down in a chair as I watched Robert pick the girl up and lay her back on the couch. I noticed that her eyes were closed and she had a hand resting on her forehead. Hawk was hanging close to her while sending sly glances towards me and John every so often. 

I didn't have to say a word for him to know that John was his son. John looked exactly like him from the blue black hair to the sea green eyes. John was a spitting image of what Hawk had been when he was that age. 

I just pulled John close to me and rested my chin on his head as I looked at the floor. Unfortunately I couldn't help feeling Hawks eyes on me or the fact that he was shooting daggers at me whenever he thought no one was looking.



Suzanne was finally revived and I found out that she was Robert's wife. They had been married for 3 years and were expecting their first child. I also found out that she was Hawk's baby sister and that he was very protective of her. I thought she looked like a pale flower lying there against Robert, but hey I didn't have to live with her. 

John had gotten tired of being held and wriggled off my lap onto the floor to play with a toy fire truck that Jeff had found for him. When Robert asked me who the father was, Hawk had said he's mine. 

This sent Suzanne into another faint and caused mom to rush to the kitchen for another cold rag. I felt like scooping up John and running from the house. I probably would have if it wasn't for the fact that Hawk was hovering close to me as if he thought I might run and was waiting for an opportunity to wrap his fingers around my throat.

I looked up at him and tried to smile, but the daggers he was shooting me stopped it half way. "Well, I think we would all like to hear Crystal's story." Mom said sitting in a chair next to me. She reached out and gently grasped my hand with hers as if to reassure me.

"I know I sure would. You lied to me." Hawk said angrily.

When John saw Hawk yelling at me, he stood up and walked over until he was standing between Hawk and I. "Don't yell at my mom. Who do you think you are?"

I reached out and put a hand on John's shoulder. "It's okay John, mommy is okay."

John looked over at me. He shot another dirty look at Hawk then crawled up into my lap. I cuddled John close to me then turned back to Hawk. 

There were so many emotions flying around in his expression I wasn't sure which one was most prominent. I think the two highest were anger and pain. Unable to stand seeing the look in his eyes, I looked at the floor.

"How do you two even know each other?" I heard a voice come from the couch. Looking over I saw Suzanne lying with her head in Robert's lap. His arm was lying over her waist. 

"It's a long story." I said making sure not to look at Hawk. Although I couldn't block him out completely. He pulled a chair up next to mine and just sat staring at me. 

I knew he wanted answers, they all did. I just didn't know where to begin. Should I start when I first met Hawk? No, that would leave to many unanswered questions. After all I had been gone for seven years. And Hawk and I had met a little less than 5 years ago. 

I hugged John even closer to me then started to talk. I was afraid if I stopped I would burst into tears. Hawk was right, I lied to him. But I had good reasons for doing so. At least I thought they were good reasons at the time.

TO BE CONTINUED:

Authors Note: This is a story that I wrote a while back. It is actually 16 chapters long plus the epilogue. If it goes over well enough then I will submit more parts. So if you like it, let me know. And don't forget to vote.

The Long Road Back Ch. 02



"It all started seven years ago. I was your normal 17 year old. Cheerleading captain, great boyfriend, you know the usual. It was the summer before my senior year in high school. Robert was home from College for the summer and I thought life couldn't get any better." I sighed then picked up the story. "It was....oh about the middle of June when I came home from the beach and heard my parents arguing. At first I didn't think anything of it. They argued all the time nowadays. But somehow this fight seemed different. I dropped my beach bag at the foot of the stairs then crept towards the study door. Robert was standing there looking in; when he saw me he put his finger to his lips then turned back to the noise inside the room.

I crept up beside him and looked around the partially open door. I could see mom sitting in a chair in front of my dad's desk and dad was pacing in front of her. Mom was crying. "I can't keep doing this JoAnne." I heard dad say.

'Dad couldn't keep doing what?' I wondered. I looked over at Robert but he just shook his head. So I turned back to the room.

"What about the kids Thomas?" I heard mom sob.

Dad stopped pacing and looked at her. "What about them? Robert is 19 and in college. Crystal is 17 and will be off on her own in another year or so. That's not a good enough reason to keep up this hoax of a marriage."

I heard mom choke on a sob but couldn't take my eyes from my father. I had always looked up to my dad. I always wanted to be just like him. I knew that Robert was a spitting image of what he had been like at his age. Even at 40 years old he was a handsome man. His strawberry blonde hair was thinning slightly and streaked with gray. He had a medium build and stood about 6' tall. I knew that mom and dad had been sweethearts all through high school and got married right after graduation."

I stopped talking a minute and looked around the room. Mom had tears in her eyes but she wasn't moving. She just looked at me. Jeff reached over and put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. I leaned down and kissed the top of John's head then continued.

"I was pulled out of my memories by mom's voice. "But Thomas, don't you love me anymore?"

Dad knelt down before her and took her hands in his. "I've wanted to. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you walking down the hall in high school, but over the past few years. All the fighting and everything else have just gotten to me." He dropped her hands and stood up with his back to her. "I'm moving out. I'll file the papers so you don't have to worry about that." Then he turned back to her. "Don't worry, I'll make sure that you and the kids are taken care of." With that he walked towards the door.

I felt Robert grab my hand and pull me into the living room just as dad came out of the study. We stood there in silence for a minute just looking at each other. This kind of stuff happened to other families, it couldn't happen to ours. We just stood there as we heard the front door open and close. Then without a word, Robert pulled me into his arms. I rested my head on his shoulder and just cried.

I don't know how long we stood there, just holding each other, giving each other comfort. When suddenly I heard mom's voice from the doorway, "I know you guys heard everything." When we looked at her, she held up her hand. "Don't try to deny it. I saw you guys standing at the door. "Yes your father and I are getting a divorce. I....I..." It looked like she was trying to form words that just wouldn't come. Finally she just shook her head and turned away towards the kitchen.

I looked up at Robert and saw that he had tears in his eyes. My big, strong brother. The one who always beat up kids in school, who picked on me, was crying. I couldn't take this. This couldn't be happening. Pulling out of his arms I raced out of the living room and out of the house. I ignored Robert's voice calling after me.

*

I don't know how I got to my friend Sheila's house. One minute I was standing on our doorstep crying and the next I was pulling up in front of her house. Even to this day I don't know. I remember walking up and knocking on the door. When Sheila opened it, I fell into her arms. She kept her arms around me as we went upstairs to her room not saying anything to each other. Once upstairs, I slumped on her bed while she closed the door and put on some soothing music. "What happened?" She asked sitting down on the bed beside me.

All at once it all came out; the fight, Robert crying, mom's words. Everything just came out in a jumble. I wasn't sure if she actually understood a word I said. Reaching over she put her hand on my shoulder. "Its okay girl, I'm here. I've got something that will help."

Reaching into her nightstand drawer she pulled out two things, a bottle of Jack Daniels and a small box. She handed the bottle to me. I pulled it open and took a long drink. Enjoying the burning sensation as it went down my throat. I had closed my eyes when I took the drink and opened them to see Sheila holding what looked like a tightly wrapped cigarette... "What?" I asked looking at her as she lit it and took a drag.

"It's okay. Just take a drag." She said handing the joint to me. "It will make you feel better."

I took a drag off the joint and immediately started coughing. I held it in my free hand and looked at it once the coughing fit had stopped. "What is this?" I asked taking another drag, this time a smaller one.

"It's marijuana." Sheila said taking it from me and taking a long drag off of it before handing it back to me. "Jeremiah gets it for me."

I knew that Jeremiah was her older brother. Him and Robert were really good friends and shared a dorm room at school. "Your brother gets you drugs?" I asked taking another, deeper drag and then handing it back to her. I could feel it starting to take effect and lay back on the bed.

Sheila chuckled. I knew it was hitting her to. "Yea, I give him the money and he buys the stuff for me. All he asks in return is I share it with him occasionally."

I looked at my best friend and suddenly busted out laughing. I didn't know what I was laughing about; all I knew was that suddenly I felt a lot better."

I stopped talking and looked around at everybody. Everyone's eyes were on me. "I know I did some stupid things." I said suddenly feeling like I should be defending myself.

"I never knew Jeremiah did pot." Robert said. 

I looked over at him. "I didn't either, until that day."

"He's where you got the drugs from, isn't it?" Robert asked. There was no accusation in his voice. Just pure fact.

I lowered my head and nodded. I heard Robert curse but I didn't look back up. "What ever happened to Jeremiah and Sheila?" I asked looking back at Robert. I hadn't seen either of them since the day I left.

Robert shook his head. "Jeremiah committed suicide last year. Put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger." I flinched. "Sheila? I don't know. Last I heard she had moved back east with some trucker."

I nodded then just shook my head. "I won't go into all the grisly details. I'll admit, I was screwed up and saw my only release in the drugs and alcohol. In my defense the only drug I did was pot. I never touched needles and wouldn't do any of the hard stuff." I looked up in surprise when I felt a hand take mine. Looking over I looked into Hawk's eyes and realized the hand holding mine was his. He was still hurting but he was showing his support, showing how much even after all this time he still cared.

I smiled at him slowly then picked up the thread of my story.

"It was the middle of August. For the first day in almost 2 months, I was actually straight and sober. I had spent the day down at the beach with some friends and went home to change for a party that was being held later that night. I walked into the house and was almost to the stairs when I heard mom calling me from the living room. "Crystal is that you?"

"Yea mom." I said walking towards the living room. I walked into the room and immediately noticed a woman I had never seen before. She wore a brown tweed suit and her graying brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun. "Hello." I said looking at her curiously.

"Crystal, this is Mrs. Jenkins. She is from the department of Children's welfare." Mom said looking at me.

"Hello Mrs. Jenkins. What are you doing here?" I asked looking from the strange woman to my mom and back to Mrs. Jenkins.

Mrs. Jenkins stood up and walked slowly towards me, her high heeled shoes clicking on the floor with every step. "Crystal, your mom called me."

"Crystal, you need help." I heard mom cry. Mrs. Jenkins turned to look at her and mom slumped down into her chair. Mrs. Jenkins nodded then turned back to me.

"As I said, your mom called me. She feels that you need help. You have a drug and alcohol problem."

"No I don't." I said automatically

"Yes you do dear." Mrs. Jenkins reached out and placed her hand on my shoulder. It was a light touch but I could tell there was steel beneath it. With one quick move she could subdue me without even trying.

I looked over at mom but she kept her face hidden in her hands. "Mom?"

Mrs. Jenkins tightened her hold on my shoulder just a bit. "Your mom and brother think you should go into drug and alcohol rehab. Since there isn't any around here for teenagers, you will be placed in foster care until you are 18."

I pulled out of Mrs. Jenkins grip and ran over to my mom. Kneeling down in front of her I grabbed her hands trying to get her to look at me. "Momma, I'll change. I'll give it all up. Just please don't send me away."

Mom just continued to cry. She wouldn't look at me.

I heard Mrs. Jenkins come up behind me and forcibly pull me to my feet. "Please Crystal. You don't want to make a scene do you?"

I glared at her, and then turned back to my mother. "If you do this I will never forgive you." I said with venom in my voice.

Finally mom looked up at me. Her eyes filled with tears. "I love you Crystal. I just want to see you get help. That's all. I just want to see you get help." Then she buried her face back in her hands.

I pulled away from her and looked at Mrs. Jenkins. Then without a word, I walked towards the front door. I heard Mrs. Jenkins behind me. When I got to the door I stopped. I couldn't open it; it was as if my fingers no longer worked. It was like my whole body was just a pile of jello. My mind was numb. I couldn't believe that my own mother would do this to me.

Mrs. Jenkins opened the door and pushed me towards it. Just before she closed the door behind us, I glanced once more inside. Standing on the steps leading to the upstairs stood Robert, there were no tears in his eyes this time. Only sorrow. I held his eyes with mine as long as I could until Mrs. Jenkins closed the door, then I turned and walked to her car, never once looking back."

TO BE CONTINUED...



The Long Road Back Ch. 03



I stopped talking. I didn't know what to say. I could hear mom weeping but I didn't look at her. I understood now why she did what she did. But that didn't mean that I had completely forgiven her for sending me away. 

I felt Hawk squeeze my hand and looked at him. He just looked at me sadly but didn't say anything. Then I did what I wasn't sure if I really wanted to do. I looked over at Robert. 

It was like his face was made out of stone. There was no expression on his face whatsoever. His eyes met mine but he didn't blink. Didn't move a muscle. I tried to determine what he was thinking. Was he thinking about that day? Did he regret not doing anything? I searched his face, looking for answers, needing answers. Answers I knew I wouldn't find.

Finally I pulled my eyes away from his and looked down at John lying against my chest. His eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply. I looked over at Jeff. He had my mother in his arms and was just holding her as she cried. I forced myself to look at him. I knew if I looked at her I would start crying to. "Jeff. Is there someplace I can put John. He fell asleep and my arm is asleep."

Jeff looked over at me. Slowly he pushed mom away from him and stood up. "Yea, we can put him on the couch in the study. I would suggest putting him in one of the bedrooms but I'm sure you want him close." I nodded and moved John carefully in my arms. It was then that I noticed Hawk standing in front of me. I looked up at him with a question in my eyes.

"Let me take him. I promise nothing will happen to him." I looked at him for another minute then reluctantly handed my son to him. I watched as Hawk and Jeff walked out of the room then looked back at the floor. I heard; more then saw the two men come back into the room. 

I heard Hawk move his chair closer to mine and then felt his arm go around my shoulders pulling me close to him. I breathed in his scent as I laid my head against his chest and closed my eyes. I wanted to forget the world existed. I wanted to hide in Hawk's arms and know that everything would be okay. But there was still a lot of my story to be told. So reluctantly, I pulled away slightly and began to talk.

"I didn't say anything on the trip for about the first 15 or 20 minutes. I was still trying to digest the fact that my mother was sending me away. I looked out the dashboard window at the lowering sun. 

Looking down at my watch I was surprised to see it was after six. No wonder my stomach was growling. I rubbed my stomach and looked over at Mrs. Jenkins. I just stared at her for a minute then looked out the window on my side of the car and watched the 'Now leaving Sacramento' sign fly by. "Where are we going?" I asked surprised to hear a quiver in my voice.

Mrs. Jenkins looked over at me and smiled softly. She reached out and touched my arm almost lovingly and it took me a minute to choke back the tears that threatened to fall. "It's okay dear. Everything will work out." I watched her pull onto I-5 south and asked my question again. "Where are we going?"

She was quiet for a minute and I thought she wasn't going to answer. Finally she did. "There is a nice couple who live in Las Angeles that said they would take you in."

"LA?"I practically screamed. "But that's so far." I knew there weren't any places for me to go in Sacramento but there were plenty of places between here and LA. 

There was Stockton, Modesto, hell even San Jose wouldn't be bad. I tried to point this out to her but she just held up her hand never taking her eyes off the road.

"Your mother requested that you be place at least 3 to 4 hours away. That way if you decided to run away you would have less chance of finding your way back home before the police caught up to you." She looked at me then. "I think you will be very happy with this couple that I am taking you to."

I looked at her in shock. Mom had requested this. She didn't want me close by? "I....I don't understand." I said weakly.

Mrs. Jenkins looked at me and for the first time I saw compassion in her aging eyes. "I don't know for sure why your mother requested this. I do know that she wants you to get help and she wanted to get you as far away from the people who are supplying you as you can."

I stared out the windshield, watching the sun slowly move beyond the clouds on its nightly descent. "It'll be dark soon." I said in a low monotone.

"Yes I know." Mrs. Jenkins said, "We aren't going to go all the way through tonight. If we had started earlier I would, but as late as it is getting, we will stop and get a hotel room for the night and continue on into LA in the morning."

We passed the exits showing Stockton and Tracy but I barely noticed. "I'm hungry." I said finally after what seemed like forever's worth of silence.

"We will be stopping for food soon."

I looked over at her and watched the way the setting sun sparkled on her graying hair. Then I turned and looked out the window.

About a half hour or so later, we pulled off the highway into a small town called Patterson. We pulled into a truck stop parking lot and I slowly got out of the car. I wanted to run. I wanted to cry. But instead I did neither. I silently followed Mrs. Jenkins into the restaurant.

After we ordered, I took a drink of my water and looked at my case manager. It was then that I realized I didn't have any clothes or my favorite teddy bear that I had slept with every night since my dad left. "We have to go back." I said practically frantic.

Mrs. Jenkins looked at me and put her hand over mine. "Crystal, everything will work out. I promise."

"No...No...we have to go back. I don't have any clothes or other things that I need." I practically pleaded.

Mrs. Jenkins smiled softly. "The Mason's will buy you clothes and everything else you need."

I looked up at her. The Mason's would buy me clothes? "But I need my teddy bear. The bear I have slept with since my father left. I can't sleep without him."

She looked at me slowly with sorrow but determination in her eyes. "The Mason's can get you a new teddy bear if you want."

"No...No...I need that one. My dad got it for me when I was five. I need it." I practically screamed. I knew people were staring at us but I didn't care.

Mrs. Jenkins looked at me sternly. "I know this is hard for you. But we are not going back. You will just have to accept things as they are now. Like it or not." Her voice had a tone of finality to it and I just shrunk back in the booth seat and laid my head against the top of it.

I closed my eyes and didn't notice that the food had arrived until Mrs. Jenkins told the waitress thank you. I looked down at my cheeseburger and fries and then laid my head back down and closed my eyes again. I suddenly didn't have an appetite.

"Starving yourself won't get you home any quicker." Mrs. Jenkins said after she had swallowed a bite of her chicken cordon bleu.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. Then sighing I leaned forward, put ketchup on my burger and fries and took a bite. The food tasted like sawdust in my mouth but I continued to eat it. I had eaten about half the burger and maybe 10 of the fries, when my stomach rebelled. 

Leaping up from the table I rushed to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before the food came back up.

I knelt in front of the toilet for a minute until I heard a voice outside the stall door. "Crystal? Are you alright?"

I laid my head against the cool chrome then forced myself to my feet. Flushing the toilet, I opened the stall door and walked past Mrs. Jenkins on my way to the sink. I quickly washed my hands and threw cold water on my face. 

When I looked in the mirror I barely recognized myself. My blondish brown hair hung down my back in tangles, my eyes were dark with pain. 

I heard Mrs. Jenkins come up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. I wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. I wanted to scream. But there were no tears to be shed. Only emptiness inside me. 

I ran my fingers through my hair trying to untangle it, when I felt a hairbrush pushed gently into my hand. I looked down at it then over to Mrs. Jenkins. I smiled my thanks and started untangling my hair. In moments it flowed around my shoulders in waves. I was so proud of my hair. My boyfriend Terry had told me that it was my best feature. 

I turned around to hand Mrs. Jenkins her brush back and was surprised to see a hair tie in her hand. I took it slowly and looked at her as she took the brush and put it in her purse. 

"With the windows down in the summer wind, it will make a mess of your hair. It is so pretty, I don't think you want to untangle it again." She reached up and touched my hair then slowly let her hand drop to her side. I smiled at her slowly, and then pulled my hair back into a ponytail. After it was secure I moved towards the bathroom door. Right before I reached it, I turned back to Mrs. Jenkins. "Mrs. Jenkins..." I began.

She held up her hand. "Please, call me Marie. We are away from your mother's house now and will be in each others company for quite a while. We don't need to be so formal."

"Marie..." I said not sure I liked the idea of calling her by her first name. "Um...I know you are just doing your job and I wanted to say thank you. I'm sorry I have been such a pest."

Marie chuckled. "Compared to some of my other foster children, you have been a ray of sunshine." I smiled at her. "Do you feel like finishing your dinner?" She asked brushing a stray piece of hair off my forehead.

I reached a hand down to my stomach which was still reeling. "I don't think I can handle any more food right now. My stomach is protesting most vehemenently."

"No problem dear, we'll just get a take out carton and take it with us in case you get hungry later."

I nodded and followed her out of the bathroom.

I sat and looked out the window at the darkening sky as Marie finished her dinner. I took a few drinks of my soda but didn't touch the food on my plate. When we had my food in a take out box and had paid the check. We made our way back out to the car.

We had been on the road about 15 minutes when I looked over at Marie again. She had her eyes on the road and a few minutes before had turned on the radio to a soft country station. Some man was singing about love and I just sighed. "What are Mr. and Mrs. Mason like?" I figured if I had to live with these people I should know a little bit about them.

Marie never took her eyes off the road but started talking in a slow, low voice, as if she was talking to a small child. 

"Nancy and Andrew Mason are very nice people. She is 37 and he is 42. They don't have any children of their own although their last foster child just left about six months ago. 

They live in a modest house, not in the poor side of town but not in the richest either." She looked over at me as if to register my reaction but I showed no feelings one way or the other on my face so she continued. 

"They live in a small 3 bedroom ranch style house. It is a nice neighborhood where they live and the local high school is only about 5 blocks away."

I looked out the window. "Are they kind?"

I felt Marie's eyes on me but continued to look out the window. "They can be strict when they have to be. But for the most part yes they are kind." I felt like her eyes were boring into the side of my head but I didn't look at her. "You won't be able to manipulate them or walk all over them if that is what you are thinking. They have been taking in foster children for the past 10 years and know how to handle a rambunctious one."

This made me look at her. "I won't give them any trouble. I just wanted to know what kind of people they were."

The scowl and the hard look in Marie's eyes left her face and were replaced with compassion. "I'm sure you will dear." She reached out and grasped my hand in hers and gave it a little squeeze. I just smiled at her softly then turned back and looked out the window again.

***

I opened my eyes and looked out the window as I felt the car slow down. Looking around I noticed we were outside a small hotel. It looked to have maybe 20 rooms if even that many. Marie pulled up in front of the office and turned off the car then left the car to get us a room while I stretched and yawned. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep. I had finally relaxed after Marie told me about Mr. and Mrs. Mason.

She came out a few minutes later with a key in her hand and pulled the car over in front of number 16. I watched as she turned off the engine then slowly got out of the car. "Where are we?" I asked as I waited for her to unlock the door. 

"Just outside Bakersfield, It's a little after ten in case you were wondering." I looked down at my watch but couldn't see the numbers in the little light that shown from the porch light. 

I looked up as she opened the door and slowly followed her into the room. It was a nice room. Small, but clean. There were two double beds against one wall with a TV sitting on a dresser across from them. There was a small table with two chairs sitting off in one corner and I noticed a small nightstand between the two beds. I walked over to a half opened door and looked into a small but tastefully decorated bathroom. There was a small sink behind the door next to the toilet and a shower stall against the other wall.

I moved back into the main room and watched Marie drop her purse, a small duffle bag and a briefcase she had brought from the car onto the bed closest to the door. It was obvious she didn't trust me not to try to run tonight. I had no intention of running. Mom had made it perfectly clear she didn't want me there when she had sent me away and I wasn't going back to somewhere where I wasn't wanted.

I looked around the room again, then flopped down on the other bed and lay back against the pillows. "There are some things we need to discuss before we arrive at the Mason's tomorrow." Marie said in her business like tone. I looked over at her but didn't say anything. "If you would like to take a shower first we can conduct the business when you get done."

"I don't have anything to wear." I said once again realizing how vulnerable I was.

Marie picked up the duffle bag and threw it at me. Out of reflex I caught it. "There is a serviceable nightgown and a pair of underwear, bra, jeans and a t-shirt in there for you."

I looked down at the bag in my hand. "How...when?" I stammered.

"While you were sleeping, I stopped at a small town on the way at the local Walmart. I picked you up some things. I figured you would want to freshen up before you meet you foster parents tomorrow." She looked well satisfied with herself. It made me sick and I looked down at the bag in my hands again. 

My hands shaking, I slowly pulled back the zipper on the bag until it was open fully. Reaching in I pulled out a plain, cotton nightgown that would rest against my neck and I knew without even looking at it that it would reach down to my feet. I had never worn anything like this in my life and almost chuckled. Instead I put it down on the bed beside me and reached into the bag again almost afraid that everything else would be like the nightgown.

I pulled out a pair of underwear. They weren't silk or anything but serviceable cotton. They were blue with butterflies on them. I looked at the size and was surprised to see they were my size. I put the underwear down on top of the nightgown and reached into the bag again. 

This time I pulled out a black sports bra, nothing special. I set it down and reached into the bag again suddenly curious about what else it held. 

I pulled out a greenish blue shirt, with red ¾ length sleeves. Turning it around I read what it said. "The pride of the Irish." I chuckled a bit at the irony since I was in fact part Irish and put it with the underclothes and the nightgown. Almost afraid to wonder what she would get as far as jeans went I put my hand into the bag once again. They were nice jeans. They weren't the most expensive or even the latest style but they had a quality that I liked. 

There was a butterfly on the right pocket and two more butterflies stitched on the back pockets in beads. I looked up at Marie and smiled. "Thank you. How did you know I like butterflies?"

Marie just looked at me. "Your mom took me up to your room before you got home. I like to go into a foster child's room and try to get an impression of what they like. It usually helps to make the transition easier." She smiled faintly. "I saw your room was covered in butterflies."

I blushed. I had five figurines of butterflies that my dad had brought me home from business trips, pictures taken from magazines of different varieties of butterflies and even a few pictures of butterflies I had won over the past few years at the county fair. 

They were my most prized possessions besides the picture I kept by my bed of my mom, dad, Robert and I at the beach taken a couple of years ago." As I thought about that picture and how it had been left behind with everything else I closed my eyes as they filled up with tears. I quickly brushed them away and put the pants down on top of the other clothes. "Thank you." I said again without looking at her.

"Your welcome."

"Um...how did you know my size?" I asked finally looking over at her."

She looked at me straightforwardly and said without emotion. "Your mother told me."

I nodded as I swallowed back my tears. Quickly pushing the jeans and t-shirt off to the side, I picked up the nightgown and underwear and rushed into the bathroom. As I stood under the hot water letting it rush over my body, I let the tears I had held back for so long finally fall.

I moved back into the room. I was right about the nightgown and watched it move around my ankles. I looked over at the bed and saw a brush laying on it. I turned to look at Marie but she was looking at some papers from her briefcase. 

I sat down on the bed and put the clothes I had been wearing hurriedly into the duffel bag and zipped it up. Then I looked over at the jeans, t-shirt and bra still lying on the bed where I had left them after I pulled them out of the bag. 

I looked down at the duffel bag in my lap. I didn't want to put the new clothes in with my dirty ones. So I carefully folded them and put them on the other side of the bed away from the side I would be sleeping. 

I heard papers rustling but didn't look at Marie, I glanced over at the TV while I brushed out my hair and saw that some old movie was on. "You can change it if you want to."

I was startled when I heard Marie's voice and looked over at her. "No...no, it's fine. I don't really watch much TV."

She nodded at me and scribbled on the piece of paper in front of her. I had a feeling she was writing down what she knew about me to tell the Mason's. 

I finished brushing my hair and let it fall loosely over my shoulders, letting the light air conditioning in the room dry it. I watched the television for a few minutes until I felt Marie's eyes on me again. I moved back further onto the bed and curled my feet beneath me in an Indian style position letting the nightgown fall graciously over my lap.

"As I said before there are a few things we need to discuss before we arrive at our destination tomorrow." I heard the businesslike tone in her voice and just nodded. Not sure I was gonna like whatever it was she had to say.

"Good." She rustled some papers on her lap then turned her eyes back to me. "Very well let's get this over with." I winced. "First off; you will have a curfew. You are to be in the house no later then 10:00 on weeknights and midnight on the weekends. It doesn't matter if it is during the school year or not. Until such time as you turn 18 which will be in a little less then a year." She looked down at the papers in her lap. "March 22nd if I am not mistaken." She looked at me. I realized she was waiting for a yes or no so I just nodded. 




The Long Road Back Ch. 03



She nodded perfunctually then continued speaking. "You will attend outpatient drug and alcohol classes twice a week." She once again looked down at the papers in her hand. "These will take place on Tuesday and Thursday nights from 7:00pm till 8:30pm. If you miss even one class you will be severely reprimanded. Do I make myself clear?" She looked at me with those steel gray eyes of hers boring into me. 

Once again I nodded while I swallowed tightly. 

She nodded again then went back to her papers. "You will attend your Senior Year at Rose Anne High school. You will graduate." Again she pierced me with her eyes. "Any friendships you make will be closely monitored and they will be judged by Mr. and Mrs. Mason to determine if they are acceptable for friendships." 

I swallowed hard. I felt like suddenly I was being thrown in prison. Then I laughed sourly. Prison would probably be more lenient. 

Marie just looked at me but didn't say anything until I looked at her again. "If you are caught with drugs or alcohol in your possession you will be severely reprimanded. If you are found to be in contact with any known drug dealers you will be severely reprimanded. 

You are not to leave the house without telling either Nancy or Andrew where you are going and when you will be home. You are to return home at the time you say you will be or..."

"I will be severely reprimanded." I said sourly.

Marie looked at me as if trying to decide if I was trying to be funny. I just looked down at the bed and picked at my nightgown.

Marie just hmphed and continued speaking. "Once a month you will be allowed to write to your parents. Your mom will receive a monthly update on your progress. You are not to contact any of the friends you left behind in Sacramento. Any mail you receive will be strictly monitored. You are not allowed to spend the night away from the Mason's house. Is any of this in any way unclear?"

I shook my head as tears fell silently down my cheeks. I didn't notice Marie get up and move over to me until I felt her take me into her arms. I rested my head against her chest and just stared off into space wondering how my life had come to this. "Everything will be alright dear." She soothed stroking my hair. "I promise everything will work out."

I just sniffled and nodded. She pushed me gently away from her and smiled. "Now you should get some sleep. We still have about another 2 hour drive ahead of us and I want to get an early start." 

I nodded again afraid if I opened my mouth I would start bawling all over her brown tweed suit. She hugged me quickly then stood up and moved back over to her bed turning out all the lights except the one closest to her bed. 

I stood up and pulled down the blanket and sheet and silently slipped in between. I lay my head on the pillow and closed my eyes but sleep wouldn't come. I lay there with my eyes closed seeing my mothers face as she looked at me with tears streaming down her cheeks. I saw Robert standing on the stairs just looking at me with no sign of emotion on his face at all. Curling myself up into a ball, I did something I hadn't done since the night my father left. I cried myself to sleep.



The Long Road Back Ch. 04



"When I awoke the next morning, I was disoriented. The sun was coming in the wrong window and my bed felt different. Opening my eyes, I looked around the hotel room. 

Marie was sitting on her bed reading some papers dressed once again in that same brown tweed suit. It was then that the day before came back to me and I choked back a sob. Marie must have heard me because she looked up at me and smiled. "Well good morning. Are you hungry?"

I thought about that for a minute until my stomach gave a loud rumble. I had never eaten the rest of my burger and fries last night. "Actually I'm starving." I said pasting a smile on my face.

Marie smiled softly. "Well once you get dressed, we'll go get something to eat then head on into LA. We should be there by noon or one at the latest. 

"What time is it?" I asked standing up and stretching.

She looked at her watch. "A little after eight."

I nodded; picked up the clothes I had carefully folded the night before and walked into the bathroom. 

After I dressed I splashed some cold water on my face then moved back into the main room. As I sat down on the bed and pulled on my sandals, I said. "I don't have any tennis shoes or anything with me."

I heard Marie chuckle and looked up at her. "Like I said last night, the Mason's will get you whatever you need." She put the papers back in her briefcase and went into the bathroom while I finished doing up my sandals and ran the brush through my hair. I picked up the hair tie that Marie had given me yesterday and quickly pulled my hair back into a ponytail before dropping the nightgown and brush into the duffel bag and zipping it up.

I was sitting on my bed, holding my duffel bag and staring at the now turned off TV when Marie came out of the bathroom. I looked up at her and stood up when she asked if I was ready to go. "Yea." I replied sorrowfully then followed her out of the hotel room.

***

3 hours later, we pulled up in front of a ranch style two level house. The lawn was well kept and there was a tire swing hanging from a tree in the front yard. 

Grabbing my duffel bag out of the back seat I slowly followed Marie up the lined driveway to the front door. 

While we waited for someone to open the door I looked once again around the house. It was brown with a kind of orange trim around the windows. All of the downstairs windows had flower pots sitting in them with different kinds of flowers in each one. There was a flower garden underneath what I assumed was the living room window. 

I turned back to the door when it was suddenly pulled open. A woman stood there. She was about 5'7", petite with long black hair and very kind amber looking eyes. She was dressed very casually in a pair of white shorts and a polo shirt. She had let her hair rest over her shoulders and she had a kind smile on her face. I imagined she had been a real knockout when she was younger. 

"Ah, Mrs. Jenkins, I was figuring you would be here soon." It was then that she turned to look at me and I noticed the smile stayed on her face as she looked me over. "This lovely girl must be Crystal."

I smiled and tried not to laugh. No one had called me a lovely girl since I was 6.

Mrs. Jenkins was suddenly very businesslike. She was nothing like the kind woman who had held me in her arms last night. 

I suddenly realized this was her moment. This was her glory. I looked at her and waited to see what she would do. "May we come in?" She asked.

Mrs. Mason looked stunned for a minute as if she had forgotten that we were standing on the front porch. She suddenly blushed crimson. "Of course, forgive me. Please come in." 

She moved back to allow Mrs. Jenkins and myself enter the house silently closing the door behind us. When my eyes adjusted to the lower light I looked around. 

We were standing in an entryway. Off to the right, there was an open doorway that looked like it led into the living room. There was a set of stairs in front of us that I assumed led upstairs to the bedrooms and when I looked a bit closer I could see that the hallway led off to the left assumedly into the kitchen and dining room. 

Nancy led us into the living room and asked us to sit down. Mrs. Jenkins sat down and started pulling things out of her briefcase while I just stood there looking around. There was a fireplace with a bunch of pictures of children at different ages on the mantle. Across from the couch was a 25 inch flat screen TV with what I assumed was a cable box sitting on top of it. Over on the other side of the room there was an artists' easel and a piano. I wondered who drew and who played. There was also an overstuffed chair sitting kitty corner to the couch and a tastefully decorated wood coffee table with a crocheted doily and magazines sitting on top of it along with what I assumed was today's mail.

I was pulled out of my observations by Mrs. Jenkins and Mrs. Mason talking. Mrs. Jenkins was telling her everything she knew about me. I was Crystal Miller. I was 17, I liked butterflies. On and On and On. 

Finally Mrs. Jenkins stood up, picked up her briefcase and moved towards me. "I will be back in two weeks to check on you. I don't want to hear any bad reports. Understand?"

I nodded not sure what to say.

She nodded at me. "Remember what I told you last night." I nodded again and looked at the floor. I heard Mrs. Jenkins and Mrs. Mason move towards the door, heard it open and close then heard a huge sigh.

I looked up. Mrs. Mason was standing with her back against the door a huge smile on her face. "Boy am I glad she's gone. That woman always makes me feel like I'm about 3 years old." 

I smiled back and chuckled still holding my duffel bag in my hand.

Mrs. Mason quickly moved over to me and led me back into the living room. Once we were both seated, me on the couch and her in the chair, she looked at me. "Well now that she is gone we can get to know each other."

"Yes Mrs. Mason." I said looking at her.

She grimaced. "Oh please, call me Nancy. When you call me Mrs. Mason I look around for my mother. I couldn't help it, I laughed. Somehow this woman I had just met had put me completely at ease.

She looked down at my duffel bag clutched tightly in my hand. "Is that all you brought?"

I looked down at the bag and instantly loosened my grip on it. "Yea, it is just some clothes that Mrs. Jenkins picked me up last night and the clothes I was wearing before." I quickly looked towards the window. "You have a beautiful home Mrs. Ma...Nancy."

Nancy smiled at me. "Thank you dear. I like it." She looked around the living room then looked back to me. "Well if you can get by today we will go shopping for you tomorrow. Classes start in a couple of weeks and you are going to want to be prepared."

I nodded but inwardly cringed wondering what kinds of clothes she would get me. She must have sensed it because she smiled again. "Don't worry dear. I know all the latest fashions and I won't let any of my foster children look out of place in their new school. It is hard enough being in a new place and a new school without looking like you just stepped out of a fifties movie."

I visibly relaxed and let out the breath that I didn't realize I had been holding. "Now I understand that you are a senior?"

I nodded. "Very good. We should have no problems getting you set up for classes." Suddenly Nancy looked very straightforward and stern and I instantly tensed up. 

"Now. We don't have many rules around here. I know you have the rules set forth by your caseworker as far as your curfew and that you can't leave the house without permission or telling us where you are going." 

Again I nodded, waiting for the blow to come. "Andrew and I do have a few rules of our own. We want you to be happy here. We want you to treat this as your home. But to also remember that this is our home also. You are to show us respect and we will show you respect. You will be required to do a chore every night. Which will be clearing off the table and doing the dinner dishes. We have dinner every night at 6:00 and if you won't be here for dinner let us know so we know whether to save you some or not." Again I nodded. 

"You are to keep your bedroom cleaned up." She waved her hand around. "Oh I don't mean spotless, I know how teenagers are. But I do ask that you keep your dirty clothes picked up and that you vacuum your floor once a week." 

Again I nodded, sitting tensely. I kept expecting her to yell at me. Or do something that I knew I wouldn't like but she just continued in that same sweet tone. "Your laundry day will be on Friday. You are expected to do your own laundry." She looked at me. "Do you know how to run a washing machine?"

"Yes." I said my voice coming out more like a croak. I cleared my throat and tried again to speak. "Yes I do."

"Good, good." She clapped her hands together. "Our last foster child Wayne had no idea how to run a washing machine and dryer. It took me two weeks before he had it figured out." She laughed a soft childlike laugh. "Andrew will be home around 5:30 and I know he is anxious to meet you." 

Once again I just nodded. Nancy looked around as if trying to decide if there was anything else she needed to tell me then suddenly put her hands on her legs and stood up. "Well why don't we go get you settled and then I'll give you a tour of the house."

"Ok." I said standing up and following her out of the living room. We moved to the stairs and up them with her in front of me. I didn't say anything just kept my eyes down. 

When we reached the second landing I looked around. There were four doors, two on the left and two on the right. The walls were covered in 18th century art. "Andrew is a big art fan." She said when she realized I was looking at a picture of the Mona Lisa. 

I looked at her and nodded. She stopped in front of the first door on the left and opened it. "This is Andrew and I's room. If you ever need anything at night, don't hesitate to knock on our door." 

I nodded then followed her to the next door on the left. She opened this door to reveal a tastefully done bathroom done in gold and black. 

She pushed the door open further and we stepped into the room. It was a medium sized room with a toilet, sink, counter, bathtub/shower combination and a closet next to the tub. She led me over to the closet and opened it. On the top shelf there were the normal things you would see in a bathroom. Shampoo, soap, razors. "This is my shampoo and this is Andrews." She said holding up two bottles. 

I nodded as she put them back down on the shelf. Then she turned to me. "You will have your own shampoo bottle to. Is there any particular kind you use?"

I shook my head. "It really doesn't matter."

Nancy nodded and turned back to the closet. "Washcloths and hand towels go on the second shelf." She said indicating the shelf beneath the shampoo and stuff. "Bath towels go on the third shelf." She indicated that one. 

I just nodded then followed her out of the bathroom. I expected her to take me to the door on the right hand side nearest the stairs but instead she led me to the door across from the bathroom. "This is your room." She opened the door then saw my gaze travel to the other closed door. "That is just another bedroom. Sometimes we have more then one foster child at a time."

"Do you have any other foster children right now?" I asked so quietly I wasn't sure if she heard me. 

"No. Our last one turned 18 about 6 months ago. He still comes to visit sometimes but that is about it. We may get another foster child while you are here. It is hard to tell."

I nodded then followed her into the room.

The room wasn't what I had expected. The left side of the room was taken up by a queen size bed with a wolf comforter on it. Along with two nightstands, one on each side of the bed. 

Off towards the right, there was a four drawer dresser, a desk with a computer and lamp on it and a closet that looked big enough to be fit for the queen of England. "Is this alright?" 

I turned to look at her and realized she was really worried about my response.

I dropped my duffel bag on the bed and walked over towards the desk. I looked in the drawers of the dresser, opened the drawers of the desk then walked over and opened the closet. One half was full of shelves for books or whatever, the other half had a pole for hanging stuff up. 

I turned back to look at Nancy. "It's wonderful. Thanks."

I saw her visibly relax and watched as she came over and embraced me. "Come on I'll show you the rest of the house."

I followed her back downstairs and into the area of the hallway that I hadn't seen before. I realized there was a downstairs bathroom which was decorated pretty much like the upstairs one. 

Off to the left was a dining room with a medium sized table with four chairs surrounding it and a bouquet of fake flowers sitting in the middle of the table. There was nothing else in the room but I noticed that the walls were covered like the rest of the house with older and newer forms of art. 

I saw Michelangelo's sis teen chapel and smiled. I followed her into another room off the dining room which led into the kitchen. It was just your normal modernized kitchen. Stove, microwave, dishwasher, fridge. There was plenty of counter and cupboard space. 

Off in the corner was a small round table with three chairs sitting around it. "We usually have breakfast in here." Nancy said when she saw my eyes move to the table. "Dinner is always served in the dining room though." I nodded. 

"You always eat at the table?" I asked looking at her.

Nancy nodded. "Yes. Didn't your family eat at the table?"

"Yea." I said looking once more around the room. It was then that I saw a pair of sliding glass doors over by the refrigerator. 

Walking over to them I opened them and walked out onto a deck. I heard Nancy come up behind me but didn't say anything as I looked over the backyard. There was an Olympic sized swimming pool with five lounge chairs sitting by the side. Over to the left there was a child's swing set. And a barbecue set sat off to the right end of the deck.

"So what do you think of our home?" Nancy asked looking at me.

I turned to look at her and smiled a true smile for the first time since I had stepped into the house. "I think I'm gonna like it here." 

I turned and walked into the house deciding that I had better get started on my new life." 



The Long Road Back Ch. 05



Chapter 5 

"I met Andrew that evening. He was a short, round man that carried himself well but had the same kind of smile and easy going manor that his wife had. 

After dinner we sat around the living room playing cards and talking. Andrew told me that they rarely watched TV and had mainly gotten the cable for the foster kids. When I told him that I didn't watch much TV but liked to play cards, his whole face lit up.

The next day Nancy took me shopping. I had to admit she did have good taste in clothes. She did buy me a few dresses and skirts but primarily stuck to jeans. She bought me some sweaters, and a couple of polo shirts, plus a whole bunch of t-shirts. I got new shoes, new undergarments, and anything else she could think of that a teenage girl might need.

The next two weeks seemed to fly by. I didn't go out of the house much unless it was with Nancy or Andrew or both of them. I didn't know my way around very well and I didn't have any friends. They seemed to understand this and didn't push. 

I did spend a lot of time in the pool and playing around on the computer in my room. Before I knew it, it was the first day of school. The alarm clock woke me up at six. 

I quickly got up, showered, changed into a pair of blue jeans and a red and black t-shirt then made my way down to breakfast. Nancy was standing at the stove making pancakes and Andrew was sitting at the small table drinking coffee and reading the paper. When he noticed me he put the paper down. 

"Looking forward to your first day?" He asked as I sat down and Nancy placed a plate with two pancakes and an egg in front of me along with a glass of orange juice.

"I guess." I said unenthusiastically. As I put butter and syrup on my pancakes and took a bite, I had to admit that Nancy was a very good cook.

I saw Nancy and Andrew share a knowing look but neither said anything so I just continued to eat my breakfast. After breakfast, I put my plate and glass in the dishwasher then ran upstairs for my backpack. 

By the time I came back downstairs Nancy was standing by the door. She was going to take me to school for the first week so I could get used to my surroundings and know where I had to go and everything, then after that they had a 95 station wagon that they had bought strictly for foster kids who had a license to use to get back and forth. Nancy was an interior decorator but had taken the week off to help me get used to my new school.

As we drove down the street away from the home I had come to be used to in the past two weeks to an unknown. I thought I had never been more scared in my life.

We pulled up in front of the school and I slowly got out of the car. People stopped and stared at me, but I just ignored them instead staring at the building in front of me. It was a two story, red brick building and looked like it took up a full city block. 

Silently I followed Nancy up the front steps, ignoring the stares and whispers that followed my progress. 

"Who is she?" I heard a girl ask off to my right. I turned and looked at a petite brunette about 5' tall and eyeing me with curiosity. I guessed she was probably a freshman or a sophomore. I smiled at her and was surprised when she smiled back. I quickly turned away from her and followed Nancy up the stairs.

We stepped into a marble area, full of lockers, classrooms and students in every direction. There had to be at least 2 or 300 of them and they were all staring right at me. I tried to hide behind Nancy but she just lightly took my arm and pulled me in front of her. 

"Don't show fear." She said leaning down and whispering in my ear. "They can smell it."

I looked at her and nodded, and then straightening up, I followed her down the hall towards the office. Unbeknownst by me, there was one set of eyes that followed my whole progress. Those eyes followed me all the way down the hall till I turned into the office then they distractedly turned away.

The office looked like any school office I had ever seen. There was a counter with people behind it, students walking in and out and a door off to the right that said principal. 

Nancy and I walked up to the counter and a small lady looked up at us with a smile. "Can I help you?" She asked in a deep southern accent. 

Nancy suddenly looked very professional. "We are here to see Mr. Taylor. I am Nancy Mason and this." She said indicating me with the sweep of her hand, "is Ms. Crystal Miller. She will be starting school today."

The lady behind the counter glanced at me then turned back to Nancy. "Of course Mrs. Mason, it will be just a minute." She picked up a phone in front of her, waited for a minute, spoke to someone on the other end, then hung up and looked at us again. 

"If you will please follow me," She came from behind the desk and led us over to the door marked principal. I watched her knock gently on the door then open it when someone inside said come in. She moved back so Nancy and I could step into the room then closed the door behind us.

After the door was closed I turned back in front of me. There were two people already in the room. A man in about his mid 50's with graying hair and a smile and a girl that looked to possibly be a senior. 

She was about my height, with curly brown hair and brown eyes. When she saw me looking at her she smiled shyly. 

"Mrs. Mason. How nice it is to see you again. It has been a while but you are still as beautiful as ever." Mr. Taylor stood up and took Nancy's hand in his. 

I was surprised to see a blush come over Nancy's cheek. I looked at the other girl in the room and she just rolled her eyes and smiled. I couldn't help it, I smiled back.

"Mr. Taylor, you always were a flatterer." Nancy replied taking one of the remaining seats that Mr. Taylor offered to us. I quickly sat down beside Nancy holding my backpack lightly in my hand.

"Okay." Mr. Taylor said opening up a folder he held on his desk. He looked at the papers in the folder for a minute then finally rested his eyes on me. "You must be Crystal Miller?"

I nodded. "Yes sir."

He nodded politely then looked back at the papers before him. "Let's see. An 'A' student, never got into trouble, head of the cheerleading team...Seems like you were the epitome of a good student." Mr. Taylor said looking at me again. His eyes were kind but shrewd.

I wasn't sure what to say so I just nodded again. Mr. Taylor picked up a piece of paper out of the file and handed it to me. "This is your schedule."

I looked down at the schedule in my hand. 

"1st period: English

2nd period: Gym

3rd period: Math

4th period: Lunch

5th period: History

6th period: Art

I looked up at Nancy. "Art? How did you know?"

Nancy just smiled. "Well for one thing I saw the way you were looking at the easel the day you arrived. True you haven't touched it since you arrived but I have seen the longing glances you have made when you thought no one was looking." I actually blushed. "Also," She continued in her soft voice. "Mrs. Jenkins told me."

I looked back down at the schedule in my hand.

7th period: Government.

8th period: Science

It was your normal senior's schedule. I don't know what I was looking for. I held the schedule lightly in my hand as I turned back to Mr. Taylor. 

He smiled at me then acknowledged the other girl in the room. "This is Amy Morgan. She is also a senior and will share all of your classes." I nodded over at Amy and she just nodded back. "Amy will be your guide your first days while you are here. Show you around and stuff like that." I nodded again.

That seemed to be Amy's cue, because she suddenly stood up and looked at Mr. Taylor. "If that is all Mr. Taylor, Crystal and I should get going. We are due in English in 15 minutes and I still have to show her to her locker and get her books from the library."

At Mr. Taylor's nod, I stood up to. Nancy stood up and embraced me. "I will be here at 3:15 to pick you up okay?" I nodded. "Have a good day." I smiled at her then followed Amy out of the office.

 The morning flew by in a haze. I realized I wasn't actually as far behind the other students as I thought I would be. Amy stayed by my side pretty much the whole time and once the shock of a new student flew through the school and was over, everyone pretty much ignored me. Everyone except a pair of pale blue eyes that followed me everywhere I went.

I first realized I was being watched during 3rd period. I had just sat down in class and was pulling out my Math book when I felt his eyes on me. 

Turning to look behind me, I saw a boy about 18, with sandy brown hair and pale blue eyes staring right at me. When he saw me watching him he grinned at me with a wolfish grin but didn't look away. Feeling unnerved I turned back towards the front of the class.

Amy noticed where I was staring and leaned over so she was close to me. "That is Daniel Anderson. He's 18, captain of the debate team and one of the most popular guys in school." 

I turned back to look at Daniel then turned back quickly when I saw he was still staring at me.

"Why does he keep staring at me like that?" I asked in a whisper.

Amy just shrugged. "Who knows, with him it is really hard to figure out what he is thinking." 

Just then the teacher came into the room and all talking stopped. I tried to concentrate on what the teacher was saying but couldn't forget the feeling of Daniel's eyes boring into my back.

At lunch, Amy introduced me to some of her friends. They were all friendly and within minutes I felt completely at ease with them. 

I had just taken a bite of my corndog when I felt eyes on me again. Looking up I looked into the eyes of Daniel Anderson once again staring at me. I caught his eye for a minute then quickly looked away. I suddenly decided that I was going to stay as far away from this guy as I possibly could.

Unfortunately that prophecy turned out to be easier said then done. Daniel and Amy and I all shared the next three classes. 

I noticed during 7th period that he quickly sat in the seat next to mine and I did my best to ignore him. The last thing I needed in my life right now was another guy.

Class was about half over and I was trying to concentrate on what Mr. Janders was saying about the American Government when I felt a warm breath against my ear and a deep voice whisper. "Hey, you're cute. What's your name?"

I turned to see Daniel Anderson's face inches from mine. If he had moved just a bit closer he could have kissed me with no problem. Suddenly unnerved I jerked away and turned my attention to the front of the class again. I heard Daniel chuckle and move back over to his seat but I didn't look at him again.

He tried to talk to me again during 8th period. We had broken up into pairs to work on a lab assignment and somehow he had intercepted Amy and spoke to her for a minute. When I looked up I watched Amy move over to another table and Daniel sit down on the stool next to me. 

"Nicely done," I said not sure if that was a compliment or an insult.

Daniel didn't look even a bit abashed. "Well it seemed like the only way I could get you to talk to me." He put some liquid in a vial then looked at me again. "I'm Daniel Anderson."

"I know. Amy told me." I put some other liquid in the vial he had put the first liquid in and watched a light smoke appear.

"So do I get to know your name?" He asked leaning close to me again.

Suddenly I could smell him. It wasn't a bad smell. It was just him. He smelled of Sandalwood and musk. I wondered if he used aftershave. I turned to look at him and saw his face inches from mine again. "I really wish you wouldn't do that." I said turning back to our experiment.

"Do what?" He asked all innocent.

I turned back to him. "Get so close like that. It unnerves me."

I heard a deep chuckle against my ear. "Maybe I like the idea of you unnerved."

I turned to look at him again. "Hm...and how many girls have you used that line on?"

Daniel burst out laughing which got the attention of the teacher. Mrs. Davis moved over to our table. "Is there a problem Mr. Anderson?" She asked.

Daniel was holding his side and trying to stop laughing. "No Mrs. Davis. Nothing at all." She looked from me to him and hmphed then turned away.

Once he got himself under control again Daniel looked at me. We continued working in silence for a minute or two when he moved close to me again. "Would you believe I have never used that line on another girl before?"

I looked over at him in shock. "No."

He just chuckled. "Hey can't kill a guy for trying." I turned back to the experiment and proceeded to ignore him for the rest of class.

When the bell rang I quickly gathered up my books and ran over to Amy who was waiting by the door for me. "Boy am I glad that's over." I said breathlessly.

"Sorry to abandon you like that but that guy really unnerves me." Amy said as we walked towards our locker.

"It's okay. I understand." I opened my locker and put my books inside picking up my backpack and putting my homework in it. "Hey would you like to come over for a while. Maybe study or something." I don't know why I asked I just kind of liked the idea of having a friend in this strange place.

Amy looked very sorry all of a sudden. "Oh Crystal, I would love to but I have to go to work."

I smiled at her. Work?"

"Yea I work down at the children's center Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I'm trying to save up some money for college. Cause unfortunately my grades aren't good enough for a scholarship."

I thought about all the money that my parents had and how when I was growing up I had never wanted for anything. I had always known they would pay for me to go to college. Now I wasn't so sure. I promised myself I would ask Nancy about it. If I was going to need to get a scholarship I would have to look into pretty soon. I had decided a long time ago that even though I was good at art and liked it, unfortunately there wasn't much money in it. So I had decided I was gonna study Psychology in college.  

Amy and I walked towards the doors leading outside. "That's cool. Maybe another time."

Before she could respond I heard a voice behind me. "Hey new girl, Wait up." I looked behind me and saw Daniel Anderson break away from his friends and run towards me. 

Amy mumbled something about being late for her bus and quickly walked away. I looked after her for a minute while Daniel caught up. "You never told me your name." He said matter of factly.

I scrutinized him for a minute then turned and started walking towards the door again. Daniel quickly moved in step with me. "My name is Crystal." I said suddenly sure I wasn't going to get rid of him until I told him my name.

"Crystal, that's a pretty name." I moved out into the early fall sunshine and looked around for Nancy. It didn't seem she was there yet so I put my backpack on my shoulder and crossed my arms.

"Are you always this uptight?" I heard Daniel ask against my ear.

I turned to look at him. "No. Just when the most popular guy hits on me and I know that the only reason he is doing it is to put another notch on his belt." I said venom in my voice. Daniel moved back as if I had slapped him. "I'm...I'm sorry." I said my cheeks suddenly feeling very warm.

"Look, I'll leave you alone if you want me to." Daniel reached out as if to touch me then thought better of it and dropped his hand to his side.

I suddenly felt very much ashamed. It was my first day at a new school and here was this guy just being nice and I had made a complete ass of myself. "No...it's alright. It's just." I looked up at the building then out to the parking lot. Anywhere but at him. I could feel his eyes on me but he didn't say anything. "It's just. My life if so screwed up right now and I guess I was taking it out on you. I'm sorry."

I chanced a look at him and saw softness in his eyes and a slight smile on his lips. "Hey it's okay. I understand." 

We were quiet for a minute while I looked over at the parking lot watching for Nancy's car." So which is it? Drugs or alcohol?"

I tore my eyes away from the parking lot and looked at him again. "Excuse me?"

He didn't look abashed. He looked actually curious. "I've seen you at the meetings the last couple of weeks. I was just wondering which one was your drug of choice."

"Um..." I felt suddenly disconcerted. "Both. Pot mainly and JD."

He shook his head. "Ooooh...Not a good combination."

I ran my fingers through my hair. "Tell me about it." Just then I heard a car honk and turned to see Nancy pull up in front of me. "I've um...I gotta go. It was nice meeting you Daniel." I started towards the car, then stopped when I felt his hand take mine. I turned back to look at him. 

"Call me Danny. Everybody does. And believe me the pleasure was all mine." He smiled crookedly then released my hand and disappeared into the crowd.

I watched him until he was out of sight, then walked over and got into the car. Nancy smiled at me as I put my seatbelt on. "How was your first day?" She asked slowly making her way out of the parking lot.

"It was fine." I replied not really sure what to say.

"I'm sorry I'm late." Nancy said pulling into traffic. "I had to stop off at the dry cleaners."

"It's okay." I said suddenly realizing that it was and as we made our way home I wondered what my next encounter with Danny Anderson would be like.

***

The next few months went by in a haze. Amy and I became really close and it was a wonder which one of us stayed at the others house more often. I couldn't stay over at Amy's house over night but that didn't stop her from spending her weekends over at my place. 

Amy started going out with a guy named Jericho Monroe a few weeks into the school year. He was also a senior and had just transferred from a school in Arizona. Amy and Jericho hit it off from first meeting and I was sure she wasn't going to want to spend as much time with me. I soon learned that my fears were unjustified. 

Yes there were times when Amy and Jericho wanted to be alone and I respected that the best I could. But they never turned me away when I would come upon them sitting beneath a tree during lunch. 

The three of us pretty much became inseparable. We would go to the movies, hang out at the mall or just hang out at my place or Amy's. It embarrassed me at first when we would be talking about something or studying and suddenly they would look into each others eyes and start kissing. After a while though I just got to the point where I ignored them until they were done then we would continue on as if nothing had happened.

After the first week I drove myself to school and after a while started picking up Amy and finally Jericho on my way so they didn't have to catch the bus. 

After our first meeting I figured Danny would stay away from me. Instead he seemed to pursue me more relentlessly. Everywhere I turned he was there; whether it was in class and him watching me instead of the teacher, or walking past each other in the halls or just walking down the street and him on one side with me on the other. 

He always made it a point to talk to me and whenever he was around Amy and Jericho conveniently made themselves scarce. We would laugh about it later but it always bothered me the way they left me to face him on my own.

Finally the day before Christmas break I was on my way over to drop Amy off. We had just dropped Jericho off at his place with a plan to meet for the movies later that night. When I turned on her. "Why do you do that?"

She looked up from her Science book at me in surprise. "Why do I do what?"

I turned my attention back to the road for a minute then turned back to her. "Why do you and Jericho suddenly disappear whenever Danny shows up?"

Amy actually blushed and closed her book. She was silent for a minute then sighed. "Well, it's kind of obvious that he likes you. We just...um...well to be honest he intimidates the hell out of me. I feel really uncomfortable around him and whenever he shows up he gives me this look like don't you have somewhere else to be?" She pushed her book into her book bag. "So I disappear."




The Long Road Back Ch. 05



"That conceited ass." I said as I pulled into her driveway." He may like me and that's fine but he doesn't need to scare off my friends."

Amy laughed. "It's okay. Really." She got out of the car and leaned against the passenger side door leaning in the open window. "So I'll see you at 7 down at the multiplex?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

"Great." She waved at me then moved towards her door while I backed out of the driveway and headed towards home. 

During the 15 minute drive I decided that I had a few words to say to Danny Anderson the next time I saw him.

As it turned out I didn't have to wait long to have my confrontation with Danny after all. He was sitting on my front porch when I pulled into the driveway. I got out of the car and looked at him. He had a huge smile on his face which slowly faded as he saw the look on my face. "Um...hi."

I walked slowly towards him. I was so furious I could barely speak. "How?...When?...Why?..." He looked at me. "How did you know where I lived?" He opened his mouth to speak but I held up my hand. "Never mind I don't want to know." I moved closer to him. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged in a nonchalant way. "I wanted to see you."

"You wanted to see..." I couldn't continue. I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say.

He shrugged again. "I rang the doorbell but there was no answer."

"No, Nancy and Andrew aren't home yet." If he thought it was strange that I called my parents by their names he didn't say. Instead he just stared at me as I unlocked the door and moved into the house. 

I dropped my backpack on the couch then turned around to face him again. I was suddenly surprised to see him standing in the doorway to the living room. I hadn't noticed him follow me into the house or close the door behind him.

"I figured you were probably taking your friends home so I sat on your porch and waited."

At his words, my fury came back in full force. Walking over to him I poked him in the chest. "Would you stop intimidating my friends? I mean I know you think you are a big shot and all."

"I'm not a big shot." He said quietly.

"OH." The words and tone of his voice took the wind out of my sails. I tried to bring back some of the fury but all I could do was stand there and look at him for a minute. 

A strand of hair fell down into his eyes and I resisted the urge to reach up and push it back. I looked away from him and once I composed myself turned back to him. "Look if you like me just say so but don't..."

"I like you."

Once again it was like he had knocked the wind out of me. He stood there looking so sedate. A slight blush covered his cheeks. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. All I could do was stand there and stare at him. 

For the last three months he had been the bane of my existence and my biggest fantasy. I imagined the two of us together, doing things. Every time Amy and Jericho would lose themselves in each others arms I would close my eyes and imagine it was Danny and I. I would dream of him at night. Of us running down the beach together, or just laying in bed holding each other. Some nights the dreams had been so erotic that I had woken up in a cold sweat. "You like me?" I knew my voice sounded weak but somehow there was nothing I could do about it.

Danny nodded, his eyes never leaving mine. I felt him take my hand in his and looked down then back up into his face. I didn't protest as he slowly pulled me towards him until he could wrap his arms around me. 

"I've liked you since the first time I saw you at the meeting. You looked so scared and so confident at the same time that I knew I had to meet you."

I looked up at him. "I...I..."

"Shhhh." He placed his finger softly against my lips. I watched him for a minute then closed my eyes and I saw his face slowly lower towards mine. The first touch of his lips was like a butterfly kiss but I felt it all the way down to my feet. 

He brushed his lips slowly against mine and I just stood there in his arms for a minute, not sure what to do. I had been kissed before but it had never affected me like Danny's soft kiss did. 

Danny pulled back and looked at me. There was a question in his eyes. A question I wasn't sure of the answer to. My body seemed to know because my arms reached up behind his neck and I slowly pulled his lips back down to mine. 

This time the kiss was deeper, more seductive. I answered it as if I needed his kisses like I needed air. 

When his tongue touched my lips gently probing for entrance I slowly opened my mouth and let my tongue duel with his. I heard him moan deep in his throat as his arms tightened around me. 

"Oh god Crystal, You drive me crazy." He moaned pulling his lips from mine and moving his lips over my face and neck. "I can't stop thinking about you. Everywhere I look you are there; whether it is in class with you sitting next to me or at the dinner table. I dream about you at night and wake up hard as a rock and wonder why your not there next to me." He kissed me again deeply while slowly pushing me backwards towards the couch.

I knew I couldn't let this go too far. I had never and he seemed to sense this because once we were seated on the couch he just kissed me softly then held me in his arms. "I have wanted to ask you out for so long." He said against my hair.

I pulled back slightly looking up at him. "Why didn't you?"

The blush that had tinged his cheeks was back. "Would you believe I was scared?"

I looked at him skeptically.

He pulled back so he was sitting next to me but held my hand in his like he was afraid to let me go. "It's true. Me, the guy every girl wants. Me, the captain of the debate team, and one of the most popular guys in school couldn't tell the girl I liked how I felt about her." 

He took his hand from mine and put his head in his hands. "I've been with other girls. I've flirted, I've ya know done what most high school guys do. But they were all superficial." He looked at me as if begging me to understand. "None of them every meant anything. I always came away from them feeling empty." He looked down at his hands. 

"Then I saw you, and somehow I knew you would be different. It was like you were the other half of my soul." He reached out and took my hand in his again. "I had to know who you were. I had to know you." 

He reached up and stroked my face with his finger. "I figured you would be just like all the other girls. I would turn on my charm and you would fall into my arms." 

He laughed sourly. "When you rejected me that first day I didn't know how to act or what to think. I had never been rejected before. It was a new experience and I wasn't sure I liked it. I figured you weren't worth my time and I vowed to put you out of my mind. The only problem was I couldn't get you out of my mind. You weren't just in my mind you were a part of me. It was like you were a drug in my veins I couldn't get rid of. 

When I first saw you with that guy Jericho I wanted to walk over and put my fist through his face. Then I realized he was interested in Amy and was stunned at the force of my jealousy."

I just sat there and stared at him. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to comfort him but had a feeling that if I tried he would pull away. So I sat there with my hands in my lap and just watched him. Waiting for him to get whatever was on his chest off. 

He suddenly stood up as if he couldn't stand just sitting there and started pacing the room. "I finally discovered that no other girl would do. If you wouldn't have me then I would spend the rest of my life alone. I needed you by my side." He stopped pacing and looked at me. His eyes were so full of fire I suddenly felt as though I had been burned. I tried to look away but somehow I couldn't. 

It was Danny who finally looked away first. He started pacing again. "I thought for so many hours how I was gonna ask you out. How I was gonna ask you to be mine. I rehearsed it in my head so many times I was sure I had it down pat. But every time I came close to asking you, I would chicken out." He moved back over to the couch and sat down next to me again taking my hands in his. 

"Finally today I decided that somehow someway I would ask you to be mine. I watched you all through school and decided on the way home that I would come over to your house and beg you to be with me if I had to. I knew if you rejected me I would accept it but I had to know how you felt about me. It was then that I realized I didn't have the slightest idea where you lived. So I called my friend Brad. His girlfriend Jessica is a friend of yours. She told me where you lived. 

The whole time I sat on your porch I was scared to death. I must have stood up to leave at least five different times. I was actually in one of those positions when you pulled into the driveway. I was scared at first. What would I say? How would you react? I was stunned at the anger that flew off of you but I knew if I didn't do this now I never would." His hands tightened slightly in mine as he looked into my eyes. "Crystal Miller, will you be my girlfriend?"

I wanted to crack a joke; I wanted to break the tension in the room. But I saw how earnestly he waited for my answer. How important it was to him. I couldn't do it; I couldn't just act like it was no big deal. I had wanted this moment to happen since the first time I saw him staring at me in class. Pulling my hands from his, I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Yes." I said softly.

Danny let out his breath in a whoosh and smiled. I felt him reach behind me and pull my backpack onto the floor before he slowly pushed me back onto my back on the couch so he was laying over me with his body covering mine. 

I started to say something but he just put his finger to my lips then pressed his lips to mine. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. For the first time in months I felt completely at home. That was the way Nancy found us an hour later when she returned from work.

Danny went with me when I met Amy and Jericho at the movies later that night. It was like he was afraid that now he had found me he didn't want to let me out of his sight. He had stayed close to me all day, while Nancy and I talked and all through dinner. 

Even when we went upstairs to listen to my stereo, with the door open of course, he couldn't stop touching me. It was like he was a starving man and I was the feast. His hands roamed all over my body and I quickly returned the favor.

Amy was unsure when she saw Danny and I walk up together holding hands. She looked at him critically, until he looked at her and sighed. "I'm sorry I have made your life such a hell the last few months Amy. I've been an ass. Is there anyway we can start over?" He looked over at me. "For Crystal's sake I want us to be friends."

Amy looked at Danny in shock. She looked over at Jericho who just shrugged, then looked over at me. I just smiled and nodded. Then she turned back to Danny. "Okay. I guess we can do that."

Danny visibly relaxed and smiled. As the four of us walked into the movie theatre, I thought life couldn't get much better then this.

* * *

"Over the next few months Danny and I were pretty much inseparable. Jericho, Amy, Danny and I quickly became the fearsome foursome. At least that's what the kids at school called us. We were seen everywhere together. We would hang out at the mall or just hang out at each others houses. If Amy and I were spending the weekend at my house Jericho and Danny would suddenly show up. They were never allowed to stay all night, but Nancy and Andrew never seemed to say anything when they would leave the house at 2Am.

It was Valentine's Day when Danny first told me he loved me and the middle of April when he asked me to marry him.

We were lying on his car up at Rooster's peak. It was just the two of us as Amy and Jericho had gone to visit his grandmother for the weekend. I was lying with my head on his chest staring up at the stars. "Crystal?"

"Hm..." I said drowsily.

"Will you marry me?"

I sat up suddenly wide awake. "What?"

He sat up and pulled a ring box out of his pocket. Opening it up he looked at me. "Will you marry me?"

I looked at him. The way his eyes sparkled in the moonlight then looked down at the ring in his hand. It was a diamond with small amethysts surrounding it. "I...I...Uh..." I didn't know what to say. He reached out and took my hand in his. "Yes." I said finally.

Danny just smiled broadly as he slipped the ring on my finger. Then he kissed me softly and lay back on the car pulling me back down with him. "We are gonna have such a good life together Crystal. I promise. We'll get married after graduation, and I'll go to work for my father and you can go to college." He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "We'll have a great life together."

As I lay there in his arms, I thought to myself. "Yea a great life, just no children."

The night Danny told me he loved me, he also told me that he couldn't have kids. When I asked him why he told me the story. When he was six, he was in the car with his parents coming home from a party. His parents were arguing over something and didn't see the truck swerve into their lane until it was too late. Danny's father Paul tried to swerve out of the way but there was no missing the truck. His mom was killed instantly and Danny was paralyzed from the waist down for over a year. His mom had been six months pregnant at the time and they weren't able to save the baby. I had known for a while that Danny lived with his father and grandmother and that his mother was dead. I never asked the details. I had sat in my bedroom holding him that day as he told me the story. When he got the use of his legs back, everybody was thrilled. But the doctor wanted to do some tests, just to make sure that everything down there still worked. He was seven years old when the doctors told him he was sterile. Danny didn't understand at the time what that meant, but his father had gone off the wall. 

"What do you mean he's sterile? He's my only son? If he can't have kids, how am I going to continue on my line?" The doctors and nurses had just looked at him but didn't say anything. Danny was taken to three more specialists before his father accepted the fact that he wasn't going to be a grandfather someday.

Danny was sixteen and crying in his bedroom one day when his grandmother explained to him that he couldn't have kids. It seemed he had had sex with a girl from school and they hadn't bothered to use protection. He was afraid that he had gotten her pregnant.

The night he told me, I just held him as he cried. Thinking to myself that it didn't matter, I loved Danny and I would continue to love him. So I couldn't have children. So what?"

I stopped talking and wiped a tear from my eye. "Why do I have a feeling this story isn't going to have a happy ending?" Suzanne asked.

I looked over at my sister lying against my brother and smiled. "No actually it doesn't. But actually Danny and I were happy." I looked over at Hawk. "At least at first."

He looked into my eyes. I knew there were hundreds of questions he wanted to ask. "Why didn't I tell him? Why didn't I leave Danny when I realized the child I was carrying wasn't his? Why? Why? Why?"

I just shook my head. I knew that all his questions would be answered when I finished my story. I just hoped he didn't turn on me like almost everybody but Nancy and Andrew in LA did.

"The wedding was a small affair. Nancy asked if I wanted to invite my family but I just shook my head. I was 18 now, out from under the states control but I didn't know what kind of reception I would get if I contacted you guys and I hadn't heard from anybody in over a year. Not since the day I left. I looked at Nancy and said, "You and Andrew are my family now. That is all I need."

I heard my mom burst into fresh tears but ignored her. I knew if I didn't continue talking, I would never get all this out and there was still so much left to tell.

"As I said the wedding was a small affair. There was just Danny and I, my friend Amy, who was my maid of honor, Danny's father and grandmother and Nancy and Andrew. We felt like we didn't need anybody else. We had a small reception at Nancy and Andrews house then boarded a plane to Honolulu. Paul had bought us a weeks honeymoon in the finest hotel in Hawaii. He told us that it was the least he could do."

When we arrived in Hawaii, it was a little after 8. There was a limo waiting to take us to the hotel and both Danny and I were tired after the day's escapades." I chuckled. "I have to admit I was a little bit leery about that night's event. I mean Danny and I had played around, touching and stuff like that and I had even seen him naked but we never went all the way. When we arrived at the hotel we had dinner in the hotel restaurant then made our way up to the honeymoon suite. We took a bath together in the Jacuzzi size bathtub, splashing each other and just having a grand old time. Then suddenly I knew it was time to go to bed, Danny's eyes were full of heat and I felt my body's reaction to it. He lifted me out of the tub and drying me off slowly, carried me to the turned down bed." I stopped talking. I couldn't go into details about my sex life with Danny. This was my family after all. But that didn't stop my mind from replaying every moment of that night as if it were yesterday. My eyes glowed and I heard Suzanne whisper as if from a distance. "I think she is remembering her wedding night."

She was right, and what a glorious night it was. I closed my eyes as the memories flooded over me.

Danny lay me down on the queen sized bed and stood looking down at me in the near darkness of the room. It was the middle of August and the French doors leading out to the balcony were thrown open to let in the light breeze. There was a fire burning in the fireplace to keep out a slight chill in the air, but other then that there were no lights on in the room. I looked up at Danny and watched him move his eyes over my body. From my medium sized breasts, to the small patch of curls that covered my womanhood. He didn't touch me but I could swear I could feel him all over my body, his gaze was that intense. When his eyes finally met mine again, he smiled. "You are beautiful." He said leaning down and kissing me softly, while he lay down beside me on the bed. His hands moved slowly over my throat, down my chest to my breast, where he ran his fingertip all over it. I moaned deep in my throat as I felt him tease the nipple with his finger. He just smiled more broadly then moved his mouth down to replace his finger. When his mouth touched my breast I jumped. The pleasure was so intense I didn't think I could stand it. It got worse when he took my nipple between his lips and suckled hard. His hand moving over my other breast and making sure it got as much attention. I moaned deeply and ran my fingers through his hair. We had done this much before but I never got tired of feeling his mouth on my body. He moved over to the other breast and proceeded to give it the same treatment until my nipple contracted beneath his roaming tongue.

I was so intent on the pleasure he was giving to my breasts I didn't realize that his hand had roamed down my body until I felt him pull apart the lips of my womanhood. I gasped as the cool night air touched me intimately. I felt his hard cock pressing against my thigh and reached down with my free hand and took it into my hand stroking it lightly. Danny moaned against my breast and pushed against me with his hips. I smiled as I continued to slowly stroke him. He continued suckling on my breast while his finger found my source of pleasure and started rubbing it rapidly. "OH GOD, Danny." I moaned pushing up against his hand. He tightened his mouth on my breast and continued up the assault. I lengthened my strokes on his cock and heard him moan but by now I was so far in heaven I thought I would never leave. I felt him move his finger from my source of pleasure and moaned in disappointment. He just leaned up and kissed me deeply while moving his finger slowly down to my opening. I spread my legs further apart to give him more access as I kissed him back. When I felt his finger enter me, I stiffened for just a minute. We had never gone this far before and I wasn't sure what to do. "It's okay baby." He whispered against my ear. "Let me love you."




The Long Road Back Ch. 05



His finger felt strange inside of me, slowly moving in and out. I stayed tense for another minute; I wasn't sure how I felt about this sudden invasion on my body. Danny seemed to sense my tension because he kissed my ear, then slowly started kissing his way down my body. I felt his cock slip out of my hand but didn't try to retrieve it. Instead I watched him through half closed eyes as he moved until his face was between my legs. I felt him open the lips of my vagina with his free hand while his other hand continued its movement inside me. He lay there staring at me for a minute, and I tried to close my legs but he just pushed them back open with his shoulders. "It's okay baby." He whispered, before he moved his face close to me.

At the first touch of his mouth on me, I felt like I was gonna jump out of my skin. I bucked against him and moaned deeply. He just took his free hand and pushed my hips back down to the bed but didn't remove his mouth or his other hand. He found my source of pleasure with his tongue and rapidly moved over it as he continued moving his finger inside of me. I thought I would die from the pleasure, especially when he clamped down with his lips and started to suckle. I ran my hands through his hair trying to pull him even closer to me. I was spiraling out of control and didn't want to stop. I knew I was so close. "OH GOD Danny. Don't stop please." I begged.

He increased the pressure of his assault and slowly pushed two fingers inside of me. There was so much moisture that there was only a minute of discomfort before it faded into pleasure. When my orgasm flew over me I screamed out loud not caring who heard me. I rode the waves as long as I could and then gasped in shock as I felt it building once again. When Danny pushed three fingers into me, trying to stretch me to fit him, I moaned in pain. He moved his fingers in and out very slowly giving me time to get used to them as he continued his assault with his mouth and tongue.

Danny sent me into two more orgasms before I felt limply to the bed and had to push him away. "Oh baby, please no more."

He moved up over me and kissed me deeply so that I could taste myself on his lips. It was then that I felt something pressing against the entrance to my body. I looked up into Danny's eyes afraid for a moment. "It's okay baby, I made you ready for me." With deliberate slowness he entered me. I felt my muscles and tissue stretch trying to accommodate his slightly larger then normal size. He pushed in an inch or two then slowly pulled back out. His cock was a lot bigger then his fingers and I couldn't help but moan at the discomfort it caused. 

"It's okay baby," he leaned down on his elbows and took my face in his hands. "I'll take it slow until I'm completely sure you're ready for me." I felt him move ever so slight into me again then pull back out, each time he moved in he moved in a bit further until his cock was resting against the proof of my virginity. "Okay baby, this is gonna hurt, that can't be helped, but I promise it will only be this one time."

The friction of his slow thrusts had slowly turned from pain to pleasure and I was laying there with my eyes closed enjoying the sensations when he said it would hurt. I opened my eyes and instinctively tensed up. "No baby, don't tense, it will make it worse, and you need to relax." He crooned. I felt him move slowly in and out of me in slow, easy strokes while he leaned down and kissed me gently, slowly deepening the kiss until his tongue could move into my mouth and make the same movements as his cock. I felt the pleasure coming back over me and slowly relaxed. It helped when I felt his hand move down between our bodies and touch me intimately.

He kept up the slow assault on my senses and body until I relaxed completely beneath him. He kissed me deeper and moved his hand faster on me, until I was writhing under him and moaning around his mouth. Then suddenly he thrust into me with one swell swoop. I felt something tear and pain as I had never known it seared through me. I gasped into his mouth and tore my mouth from his. I felt tears running down my cheeks and tried to push him off of me. "Crystal, Crystal, it's okay. It's okay baby." He crooned softly taking my hands and holding them above my head as he held himself still inside me buried to the hilt. "You have all of me now. It will be better from now on I promise." He leaned down and planted butterfly kisses all over my face, all the while holding himself as still as he could. I could tell how much tension it was putting on him not to just thrust with everything he had, but he was holding himself back so he didn't hurt me anymore. I stopped trying to get away and slowly forced my body to relax. When I thought about it, I realized that the pain had lessened and now was just a slow throbbing.

Danny sensed my relaxing because he slowly started moving inside me, all the while kissing my face and holding my hands above my head in his own. He moved slowly while each time taking an even longer stroke, he would pull out and then each time he moved back into me it felt like he had moved even farther then before until I felt like I could feel him in my stomach.

As the pain turned to pleasure, I relaxed completely and wrapped my legs around his waist and moved my hips trying to match his rhythm. He seemed to take this as a good sign because he took his hands from mine and braced himself on his hands with them on each side of my head. He increased the speed of his thrusts just a touch, not really much, just enough for pleasure to flow through me. I ran my hands up over his arms and around his neck, and pulled his face to mine till I was kissing him deeply. 

Within moments we were lost in the throes of each other. Our bodies moving to a dance as old as time itself. I could feel my orgasm building once again and pressed even closer to him. He seemed to sense the change in me, because he increased his thrusts moving harder and faster, until I was panting beneath him and digging my nails into his back. He just groaned against my neck at the pain. "Oh god Danny, I'm gonna, I'm gonna."

"Yes baby. Come for me." He purred against my ear. He held himself up with one arm while his other hand moved back between our bodies and touched me. Between the friction of our bodies moving together and the feel of his hand, I was pushed over the edge. I came gloriously clinging to him as if I was drowning and he was the only thing that could save me.

I felt him increase the movement and power of his thrusts, I knew he was now fighting for his own pleasure. "Yes baby, yes." I moaned riding the waves once again as I pressed against him.

Suddenly Danny tensed above me and let out a low growl that sounded like it had come from a bear just waking up from its winter's sleep. I felt him fill me then collapse on top of me, gasping for breath. I didn't know what to do so I just wrapped my arms around him and held him as he got his breath back.

"Oh Crystal, that was perfect. I knew it would be perfect, I knew you would be perfect." Danny pushed himself up slowly and looked down at me. My hair was mussed, my lips swollen from his kisses and my eyes drooping from pleasant drowsiness. He leaned down and kissed me softly, then slowly pulled out of me. I gasped between my teeth as some of the former pain slipped through me as I felt him leave my body. "You will be sore for a while baby." He said lying on his side next to me and gathering me into his arms. "We will have to be gentle when we make love for a while until your body is more used to it."

I nodded and rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes. The last thing I remembered before falling asleep is Danny kissing me on the top of my head and telling me he loved me.

I was pulled out of my memories by Hawk squeezing my hand. "Crystal, you okay?" He asked.

I looked over at him. "Yea I'm fine. Just remembering happier days." From the look on his face, I got the feeling he knew I wasn't talking about the night him and I were together. Reaching up with my free hand, I placed it on his face. All the love I had held in my heart over the last 5 years shown in my eyes. He gasped, but didn't look away, nor did he pull away. The moment was lost when Robert suddenly cleared his throat very loudly.

I pulled my hand away from Hawk's face and looked over at my brother. "If you guys are done undressing each other with your eyes, and you're done remembering your wedding night, can we get back to the story?"

I blushed and looked over at Hawk, expecting to at least see amusement in his eyes. Instead his mask of indifference was back on his face. I sighed and looked away from him.

I heard Suzanne moving around and looked at her. She had moved to a more comfortable position and was once again lying against Robert. "Yea, get on with the story. I am still curious to hear about how you two even know each other." She looked towards the open study door where John was still asleep. "Let alone have a kid together."

The blush that touched my cheeks moved up even further until I was sure I was gonna expire from heat exhaustion. Robert's next words saved me though. "Yea Hawk, why didn't you tell me you knew my sister?"

I looked over at Hawk but he wasn't looking at me. "I didn't know she was your sister. When we were together we weren't together very long, only one night. I knew she was married but she didn't tell me anything about her past." He glanced over at me then turned back to Robert. "I knew I should keep my hands off. I have always had this rule that I don't mess with married women. But Crystal was different." He looked at me again. "I never believed in love at first sight until the day I saw her on the beach. I knew I had to somehow, someway, seduce her into my bed and hopefully into my heart."

"Well obviously you succeeded at the first one or John wouldn't be here." Suzanne quipped with a smirk on her face.

I saw Hawk's mask drop as his face fused with color. For some reason that filled me with satisfaction.

"Anyway, you don't have any pictures of your sister around your house so I never knew that she was the one I fell in love with all those years ago."

It hurt to know that Robert didn't keep any pictures of me around. I knew I didn't have any pictures of my family but that was because I wasn't able to take any with me. I looked over at him and he shrugged. "I took all the pictures that I had and mom had of you and put them in a drawer. Mom said it was to hard to look on your face everyday not knowing where you were or if we would ever see you again. I agreed with her."

It was then that I realized what my family had gone through during the seven years I was gone. How they had lay in bed at night wondering if I was dead or alive. If I was happy, I suddenly felt a deep shame come over me. "I'm sorry. I know I should have come home sooner, or at least let you guys know somehow that I was okay. But..." I stopped at looked at my mom and brother, the two people who at one time had been the most important people in my life. "With everything that happened the day I left. I wasn't sure what kind of reception I would get if I came home. I was scared; I didn't think I could handle being rejected."

"We never would have rejected you Crystal. We love you."

I looked over at my mom. Suddenly she looked as though she had aged 10 years. "I know that now mamma. But I didn't know it then."

"I looked forward every month to the letter from Mrs. Jenkins telling me of your progress. I was so proud of you. You were clean; you were doing excellent in school. Then I got the final letter saying you were no longer under CSD protection and you could come home if you wanted. And suddenly the letters stopped coming." She reached up and wiped a tear from her eyes. "For the first year after I got that letter I would sit in front of the window for hours and watch for you. Wait for you to come through that door and say hey love me, I'm home. Like you used to do when your father still lived with us." 

I felt tears stinging my eyes, but I couldn't tear my face away from my mom's as she spoke. "I bought you Christmas and birthday presents. I would put them under the tree waiting for you to come in and open them. Then suddenly I realized that you were 19. You hadn't come home. I closed up your room, put all the presents I had bought you away, took down all your pictures and lay in bed for two days crying thinking to myself that I was never gonna see you again. First I had lost your father, now I had lost you. And it was my entire fault." 

I watched Robert get up and move over to my mother and take her into his arms. I watched as she cried against his chest. I looked up into Robert's eyes. There were tears rolling down his cheeks that he didn't bother to try to hide or wipe away. I looked but there was no sign of condemnation for what I had put my family through and I felt 10 times worse. I felt Hawk wrap his arms around me from behind and leaned back against him. Craving his comfort and closeness. Mom finally pulled away from Robert and turned her tear filled eyes on me. I watched Robert hover close to her, afraid she was as fragile as a bird and would break if he left her side. She took a deep breath then said. "Do you know what got me through the next five years?"

I shook my head, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"It was what Robert said to me when he came over on the third day and made me get up and get on with my life. I was lying in bed when Robert walked in. He came over, sat on the bed next to me, took my hand in his and said 'mamma, think of it this way, wherever Crystal is, she's alive and she's happy and someday she will find her way back home to us.' I had looked at him and said 'how can you be so sure.' He took my hand and put it over his heart. 'Because if anything had happened to her, I would know it here.'" I felt tears run down my face but didn't bother to brush them away as I looked at my mother and brother. Mom sighed again. "I do have one picture of you. A picture that I keep in my nightstand drawer and have looked at every night for the past five years."

"Which picture?" I asked ashamed at my curiosity.

Mom actually smiled. "It is the picture your dad took on your 16th birthday. The party was over and you said you were gonna go outside and get some fresh air. Your dad had followed you out and taken the picture." I knew what picture it was she was talking about. I had been sitting on the lounge chair by the pool looking out towards the sunset when I heard the click of the camera. I had turned around and looked at my dad. "Daddy, why did you take my picture?" I had asked.

He had come over and sat down on the lounge chair next to me and said. "Because when you are older, and off and married and on your own, I can look back on this picture and know that the sunset will always bring you back home."

I couldn't help it; I leaned back against Hawk's chest, closed my eyes and cried. I was so ashamed of what I had done to my family. I knew I would never be able to make it up to them. Suddenly I felt strong arms embrace me. I knew it wasn't Hawk because he was still sitting behind me. I knew it had to be either Robert or Jeff. At that moment I didn't care. I just clung to the person holding me and cried. "It's okay Crystal. Your home now, that's all that matters. The past doesn't matter; it's only the future that matters now."

I pulled back slightly and looked into Robert's tear filled eyes. "I love you big brother." I said hugging him close to me.

He held me tight, stroking my hair. "I love you to."

I finally composed myself and pulled away from Robert. "Are you okay?" He asked holding onto my arms lightly. I nodded, so he leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead then moved back over to Suzanne. I felt Hawk's arms embrace me again and leaned back against his chair. I could feel the arm of my chair pushing into my back but ignored it.

"So are you gonna finish your story?" Jeff asked holding mom.

"Yea I guess I'd better. There is still quite a bit to tell and some of it I really don't want John to hear."

Jeff nodded. "If he wakes up we can always turn on cartoons for him in the study."

I nodded at Jeff and smiled. Before I tell you about the night Hawk and I met, I think maybe I should back up just a bit so you will understand why even though I was a married woman I fell into his arms."

"You mean it wasn't my charm?" Hawk whispered in my ear. 

I turned my head and looked at him. "Well that was part of it but not all of it." He just tightened his hold on me and rested his head against mine. I felt like he was dreading hearing the rest of my story as much as I was dreading telling it.

TO BE CONTINUED...



The Long Road Back Ch. 06



Chapter 6 

"The first year of Danny and I's marriage was to put it in a word, bliss. He went to work for his father and I went back to school. I wanted to get my psychology degree and Danny supported this. It didn't seem like a night went by that we didn't make love. The only time he really left me alone was when it was that time of the month and I was kind of subdued about it.

We were happy; there was no other way to describe it. True Danny worked long hours and I spent a lot of time studying but we always seemed to find time for each other. We would take an hour everyday and just spend it cuddled on the couch holding each other and talking about our day.

Sometimes Danny had to go out of town for a few days at a time, on business for his father. The first time he was gone for the weekend I cried myself to sleep at my loneliness. But he always came home with a smile and a present for me and telling me how much he missed me and loved me.

It was during one of these far away meetings that I met Hawk. Danny was in London for the week. He had left the number of his hotel for me and I made sure to call him every night. Well he had been gone for about four days, and I was bored. So I called up Amy. I hadn't seen her much since her wedding the month before and we decided to take time the next day and go to the beach and just hang out. We even agreed to bring Jericho along since he couldn't seem to let go of her for more then five minutes unless he was at work. When I called Danny that night, I told him about my plans and that I probably wouldn't be calling him the next night because I wasn't sure what time I would get home. I might even spend the night over at Amy and Jericho's house. He said that was fine, told me he loved me and missed me and couldn't wait till he got home on Saturday.

We hung up and I went to sleep thinking about the next day.

The next morning, I got up, showered and dressed in my bikini and a pair of shorts. I packed up my beach bag and then drove over to Amy's house. She greeted me like a long lost friend and we talked for over an hour before Jericho looked at us. "Hey we gonna go to the beach or we gonna sit here and gab all day?"

Amy and I laughed at him then we headed out to my car and headed for the beach. It was a great day. The middle of June, the sun was shining, the water was warm. I thought life couldn't get more perfect.

About 3:00 we were sitting on our towels bathing in the sun when Amy suddenly jumped up and went running across the sand into this guys arms. "Who is that?" I asked Jericho as I watched Amy kiss the guy on the cheek before walking arm in arm back towards us with him.

Jericho smiled. "That's Joshua Mitchell, but everybody just calls him Hawk. He's an old friend of Amy's family. He's a pretty good guy."

I looked at the guy walking with Amy then back to Jericho. "Why do they call him Hawk?"

"He has a tattoo of a Hawk on his left bicep with the initials of some friend of his that died in a fire a couple of years ago. People say he moved like a hawk into the burning house trying to save his friend but he was too late."

I stopped talking and looked around at everybody around me. "I won't describe to you what he looked like. You guys already know that." I reached up and ran my fingers through his long blue black hair. "I seem to remember it being longer back then." Hawks hair hung down just below his shoulders.

"Yea it was almost to my waist when you and I met." He leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Better to cover your body with." I blushed as he sat back. "I cut it shortly after I came back here. I have kept it cut ever since. I couldn't handle having it that long again knowing that you were the last one to run your fingers through it."

Which told me that he hadn't been with anyone else since that night, at least not until he came back up here and had it cut. "Get on with the story." Suzanne complained.

I looked over at my sister and smiled. "Okay, so anyway."

"I couldn't take my eyes off of Hawk. He was handsome in a way that was almost sinful. When he laughed at something Amy said I felt a tremor go through me. I had feelings deep down that no one had ever touched except Danny. I tried to put a picture of Danny's face in my mind but all I could see what Hawk's laughing eyes. 

Finally Amy stopped talking to him and led him over to us. I wanted to get up and run. Run away as fast and as far as I could, but for some reason my legs wouldn't move. When Amy introduced us, his eyes turned to me. I was suddenly paralyzed, not with fear but with something I couldn't explain. "Hi." He said in that low voice that made me shiver. His eyes were like fire as they watched me.

Finally I tore my eyes from his. I couldn't stare at him like a lovesick puppy. I was a married woman for god's sake. I had to keep reminding myself of that. "I think your friend is shy." I heard Hawk whisper in Amy's ear although he knew I could hear him.

Amy suddenly burst out laughing. "Crystal, shy? Yea right." She suddenly stood up and looked at Jericho with a meaningful look on her face. I'm gonna go swimming. Wanna come?"

I looked over at Jericho, pleading with my eyes for him to stay here, but he just smiled and followed Amy down the beach. 

When we were alone, I looked everywhere I could think of that did not involve looking at the man sitting across from me. When he stood up, I quickly closed my eyes and didn't open them even when I felt him sit down next to me and stroke my arm. "I'm Joshua, but everybody calls me Hawk." He said soothingly against my ear. I felt a shiver run down my spine and looked at him.

He was to close; his face was mere inches from mine. I moved back on the blanket trying to put some space between us. Unfortunately I didn't think there was enough space there possible. "I'm married." I blurted out.

Hawk chuckled. "Yea I know," he looked towards the water where Amy and Jericho were splashing each other. "Amy told me."

I instantly relaxed. He knew I was married; he would keep his hands to himself. Wouldn't he? I tensed up just a bit when he leaned close again. "Has he ever made love to you on the beach under a full moon?" He whispered seductively in my ear.

I turned to look at him. His sea green eyes were full of passion and they were directed directly at me. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. "Um...Um..."I stammered trying to get my mouth to work.

Hawk chuckled again and leaned close to me. "If he hasn't, I would love to show you how it's done." He gently kissed my ear then stood up and walked down the beach.

I stared after him trying to figure out what had just happened. I watched him talking to someone and willed him to look at me, but he never turned back. I was still in a daze when Amy and Jericho came back up from the water. "Hey girl, you okay?" Jericho asked dropping down on the blanket beside me. 

I looked over at him. "She looks like someone who has just been made thorough love to and I know for a fact that Hawk didn't lay a hand on her." Amy said. I looked over at her as she dried her hair. "He didn't lay a hand on you did he?" She asked scrutinizing me.

"No." I replied. "No he didn't." Amy instantly relaxed. I didn't bother to mention that it wasn't his hands that had touched me.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Actually I didn't see Hawk at all. Amy, Jericho and I spent some more time in the water, then a little later went up to the beach café and had dinner. As the sun started to go down and the chill of night crept over us, we slipped into some warmer clothes.

We were sitting around the fire, roasting marshmallows and talking when I saw Hawk again. I felt him before I saw him; I could feel his eyes on me and forced myself to keep my attention on what Amy was saying to me. "Jericho and I are thinking about trying to have a baby. Although mom says we're too young. What about you and Danny? Have you guys thought about kids?"

I hadn't told anybody that Danny couldn't have kids and wasn't sure this was the time or place to discuss it. "No not really." I replied evasively.

Just then Hawk dropped down on the blanket beside me. "Hey guys what's happening?" He looked over at Jericho. "Hey Jer, you got any more soda in that cooler?" Jericho tossed him a soda. "Thanks man." He opened it and took a long drink before turning to me. "So you thought any more about my offer?"

I gave him a look that if looks could kill he would be dead. "No, and I don't plan to." I said through gritted teeth.

"What offer?" Amy asked looking from Hawk to me and back to Hawk again.

I looked over at Hawk to see if he would answer her. He just smiled and nodded his head at me as if to say go ahead. So I turned back to Amy.

"He told me that if Danny had never made love to me on the beach under a full moon, he would be glad to show me how it's done."

Amy looked at Hawk in shock. "Hawk, she is a married woman."

Hawk shrugged. "So, does that mean he's got a leash around her neck or something?"

"Well no...." Amy stuttered.

"What can I say; I liked what I saw this afternoon." Hawk leaned over and put his arm around my shoulders and whispered in my ear. "And I always get what I want."

I looked at him, somehow I completely believed him.

It was a tense few minutes, I sat tensely against Hawk. He had his arm thrown over my shoulder like he hadn't a care in the world and Amy was looking at us as if trying to figure out what was going on. Finally I relaxed, it wasn't like he was gonna try to have sex with me right there in front of Amy and Jericho and as long as it didn't go to far, what was the harm in a little flirting? I leaned closer to Hawk and felt his arm tighten around my shoulders, then move down so it was behind my back and he pulled me closer to him. When he finally lay back on the blanket staring at the fire and holding his head up on one arm, I lay down on him and rested my head against his chest. "I don't think..." Amy started looking at the way Hawk and I were laying.

I looked over at my friend. I knew she was worried about me. She knew Hawk, knew what he was capable of. "Relax Amy, we're just laying here. I don't plan on letting it go to far."

"I know...but..."

Hawk looked over at her. "What do you think I'm gonna do Amy? Make love to her right now on the blanket with you and Jericho watching?" He laughed sourly. "Give me a break. I just wanna hold her. That's all."

Amy scrutinized him for a minute. "That's all?"

"That's all."

"Okay...If that's all." She leaned against Jericho and we sat in silence just watching the fire."

I stopped talking again and looked over at Hawk. Suzanne sounded like she was gonna say something but I heard Robert shush her. Hawk knew what happened next in the story. He knew it as well as I did. I watched him for a minute, trying to gauge his reaction. Trying to see what he was thinking. He reached up and stroked my cheek with his finger as a sly smile spread over his lips. I knew then that he was thinking about the same thing I was thinking about.

I must have fallen asleep lying against Hawk, because when I opened my eyes, it was darker then it had been. The fire was just about out and the beach sounded deserted. I sat up and looked around and realized there was no one else there. There were no other couples, no other fires burning. I looked over and saw Hawk sitting not far from me looking at me with a strange look in his eyes. "Where's Amy and Jericho?" I asked suddenly feeling very self conscious.

He took a drink of the soda can in his hand. "They left about an hour ago. You were sleeping so peacefully I couldn't bear to wake you. I promised Amy I would get you home safe and she said for you to call her in the morning."

I nodded and looked around for my shoes. They were over by the fire, so I picked them up and pulled them on. "I need to get home." I said looking around for my jacket then realizing I was wearing it, I started to stand up. 

Just then Hawk grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. I lost my balance and fell on top of him on the blanket, the soda can forgotten as he tangled his fingers in my hair and pressed his lips to mine. It was a deep kiss, almost possessive. The pressure of his mouth was hard and demanding and soft and yielding at the same time. At first I just lay there not sure what to do then suddenly I started to respond. When his tongue teased my lips for entrance I moaned and parted my lips feeling him invade my mouth with his tongue.

I don't know exactly what happened, one minute I was laying on top of him and the next I had my back against the blanket and his body was half covering mine. His lips trailed fire over my face and neck. "I've wanted to do that since the first moment I saw you." He murmured against my collar bone. 

"Hawk...I..." I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled not hard but just enough to get his attention. I didn't know whether I was pulling him closer or trying to push him away.

Hawk looked up at me and his eyes shown in the moonlight. "I won't go any further then you want me to. But just let me hold you Crystal. Let me touch you. Let me love you. If you want me to stop at any point I will. Just let me know."

He would stop when I said? He wouldn't go any further then I wanted him to? I could deal with that. In my desire fogged mind I thought to myself as long as we don't go all the way then no one will get hurt. I slowly nodded my head and lay back down against the blanket.

Hawk seemed to accept that as a yes, because suddenly I felt the buttons of my shirt open and the cool night air pressing against my breasts. The only thing between my bare skin and his gaze was the top of my bikini top. When he reached behind my neck and undid the straps I immediately tensed covering my breasts with my arms. "Shhhh..." He cooed gently pulling my arms away. "I just want to look."

"Look...." I thought to myself. "He just wants to look. That's okay." I felt the material move off of my breasts and Hawks deep intake of breath. Holding my head up on my hand I looked down at him. 

"So beautiful." He murmured before reaching out a finger and tracing my nipple.

I gasped, although whether in pleasure or shock I didn't know. Hawk looked up at me. I know he was asking me if I wanted him to stop. I knew I should nod my head. I should say yes and get out of there as quick as I could. But for some reason my body wasn't obeying my mind. My body wanted this. Danny was a good lover, but it was primarily get on, get off, roll over and go to sleep. It hadn't been like that in the beginning, but it had been so long since I was touched so tenderly like this.

I looked at Hawk. I knew I should tell him no. Instead, I just lay there. He seemed to come to some kind of decision because he moved his finger over my nipple again before leaning down and taking it into his mouth. This time when I gasped I knew it was from pleasure. The pressure of his mouth on my breast sent shocks through me.

I felt the pull of his lips against my breast and moaned. When he moved his hand to the other breast and started pinching and caressing the nipple, I thought I would go insane from the sensations. "Oh god, what are you...I can't...I can't...." I moaned pulling his mouth closer to my breast although I knew I should pull him away.

He pulled his mouth from my breast and moved up over me until his lips were inches from mine. "Do you want me to stop?"

I wanted to say yes, I knew I should say yes. Danny would kill me if he ever found out that I was lying on the beach half naked with a man I barely knew. But at the same time it had been so long since anyone really cared about my pleasure and my body suddenly reminded me of that fact. I was so wet that I knew there would be a stain on my bikini bottoms. I knew it was wrong, I knew what I was doing was wrong. And I knew that I would probably burn in hell for one night of passion. Then suddenly I didn't care. I needed this, my body needed this. I needed what Danny was so afraid to give me and Hawk was so willing. I knew I could go through the rest of my life with Danny, loving him, accepting his lovemaking however he wanted to give it to me. But just once, just tonight, I wanted to feel needed, I wanted to feel wanted. I wanted to feel loved.

I looked up into Hawk's eyes and knew he could give me what I wanted, what I needed. He wanted me, he needed me and he may not have loved me but at least 2 out of 3 aren't bad. Grabbing a handful of his hair I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him. It was almost as if I was doing it out of desperation. Desperation of knowing that this was all I could ask for tonight was all I could have and I had to make this night worth a thousand.

Hawk just lay there at first, not moving, almost as if he was afraid to dream that what he wanted could come true. Then suddenly he was like a wild animal. He returned my kisses with fire and passion. His tongue pressed against my lips and I welcomed it like a long lost lover. We kissed like we would never kiss or hold another human being. Like this was our last moment on Earth and we had to make sure to make it perfect. For me I knew that in a sense it was. Tomorrow I would go home to be the dutiful wife, to a life without children and a man who loved me. I just wanted tonight, I needed tonight.

Like a wild man Hawk tore his lips from mine and locked them on my breast, sucking roughly and ruthlessly. There was pain mixed with the pleasure but I didn't care. I wanted to feel pain. I wanted to remember what I was doing to Danny. I knew the pain was my punishment and I welcomed it. I felt him bite down on my nipple and gasped, and then I felt his tongue move ever so lovingly over the place where he had bitten.

I felt him reach down and undo the button and zipper on my jeans and then he just stopped, resting his hand there not daring to go any further. He looked up at me and I could see the heat in his eyes. Knew how much he wanted me. "If this isn't what you want Crystal, tell me now, because after this I don't think I can stop."

I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him gently. Then pushing my hips up against his hand, I moaned and said. "Make love to me Hawk."

I knew then that Hawk had lost the hold on whatever control he had. He growled deep in his throat and kissed me ardently. His tongue battled against mine for dominance. His hand slipped down under my bikini bottoms and I felt him touch me. Touch me where no man before or since Danny had ever touched. I tensed for just a second, the pushed the picture of Danny away and pushed my hips against Hawk's hand. Hawk growled in his throat as he kissed me moving his hand down further until I felt it reach my clit. I moaned deeply as I felt his finger draw circles around it.

Hawk pulled his lips from mine gently and his hand from my pants. I moaned in disappointment but he just put his finger against my lips. "Don't worry baby, I'm not done yet." I looked up at him and nodded. When he pulled me to a sitting position I didn't fight, I just let him lead me. I watched as he slipped my over shirt off over my shoulders then reached behind me and undid the tie holding my bikini top on. I felt it slip down into my lap and reached over and threw it off onto the sand. Hawk sat staring at me for a long minute. I wondered what he was thinking. I wondered if he thought this was worth it. I started to have doubts the longer he looked at me but then suddenly he said. "Beautiful." All my doubts flew away. Reaching over, I slipped my hands under his t-shirt. I wanted to touch him. Touch him like he had touched me. He lifted his arms and waited while I pulled the t-shirt up over his head. When it was off, he slowly lowered his arms and wrapped them around me. I quickly threw it over on top of my bikini then looked at him in the moonlight. He looked like a god. He wasn't overly muscled but well muscled. He was tanned and I guessed he worked outside a lot. There was a small patch of black hair that ran from his chest and down into his jeans. I reached out with my hand and ran my fingers over it. 




The Long Road Back Ch. 06



"It's like silk." I said softly as Hawk moaned as if I had burned him. I moved my finger over to his nipple and gently brushed it with my nail. Hawk moaned louder this time and I knew he liked what I was doing. I don't know what made me think of it, I had never done it before, but I remembered his mouth on my breast and wanted to do the same for him. Leaning forward, I ran my tongue over his nipple then slowly drew it into my mouth.

"Oh God Crystal," Hawk moaned holding me against his chest while I worked my magic. Then suddenly it was as if he couldn't take anymore. He pushed me away from his chest and back down onto the blanket. "I'm sorry baby, but I can't wait. I need to touch you, I need to taste you, I need to sink myself into you." Without a word, he pulled my pants and bikini bottoms down over my hips and legs, throwing them over with the other clothes. Then he stood up and quickly divulged himself of the rest of his clothes. I stared up at him. He was a little longer and thicker then Danny, but other then that I thought he was perfect. 

He moved me so I was lying with my legs towards the dying fire and slowly moved between them until his face was inches from my vagina. I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers open me. I felt his tongue touch me and cried out in pleasure. He did the same thing again then moved his tongue over me as he pushed one then two fingers inside me and slowly moved them in and out.

"Oh Yessss." I cried pushing myself against him, trying to bring him even closer to me. "Please baby, please." I moaned.

He seemed to know what I needed because his tongue moved faster over me and he slipped another finger inside me pushing hard.

I screamed out in ecstasy as my orgasm washed over me. I pushed my hips up against his face and pulled at his hair trying to get him even closer to me. I held onto him as it washed over me, almost as if I was afraid if I let go he would disappear. 

Suddenly his mouth and fingers were gone, replaced by something else at the entrance to my body as he moved up over me. He braced himself on his hands on each side of my head. "I can't wait baby, I've got to have you now." Then without another word and a forward thrust he buried himself inside me. I screamed out in pleasure as I started coming again. I was so lost in my own pleasure that it took me a moment to realize he was moving inside me, moving hard and fast. He was breathing raggedly against my ear, saying all the things a man says to a woman in the heat of passion. I wrapped my legs around his waist and moved with him trying to match his rhythm. He pushed me into two more orgasms before he succumbed to his own and buried himself in me holding himself still as he emptied himself inside me crying out my name. Finally he collapsed on top of me, trying to catch his breath. I wrapped my arms around him and just held him as I drifted off to sleep.

We made love two more times that night, each better and more powerful then the first. Finally I fell into a deep sleep made from satisfaction and exhaustion. As the first rays of sunlight moved over the horizon my eyes snapped open. Hawk was above me and I realized he was moving inside me once again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. "I can't get enough of you." He said softly kissing me as he kept his thrusts long and slow. 

I matched his rhythm my eyes never leaving his. Suddenly I knew I needed more. "Hawk please." I begged running my nails down over his back. He seemed to need it as much as I did because he suddenly increased the power and force of his thrusts. It wasn't long before each of us went over the edge again. 

"OH GOD Crystal. I love you." He moaned as he emptied himself in me.

I stilled for a moment. Then relaxed, I figured he was just saying it in the heat of passion and didn't think any more on it.

Afterwards, we quickly got dressed, packed up everything then hand in hand walked towards the parking lot. When we got to my car, I threw everything in the back seat and turned to look at Hawk. "I want to see you again." He said as he kissed me softly.

"We can't Hawk. I need to go home to my husband. I will never forget last night, but you have to forget me." I brushed my hand over his cheek.

He nodded. "You're right." Suddenly he put a piece of paper into my hand. "If you ever need me, call." He kissed me once more quickly then turned and walked away. I watched him get on his bike, start the engine and pull out of the parking lot before I looked down at the paper in my hand. I let it slip from my fingers and watched the wind blow it a few feet away. I stood mesmerized for a minute watching it, before I ran over and picked it up. I threw it in the glove box never looking at it, and thought to myself. "Just in case." Then I started the car and left for home.

Once again I was pulled out of my memories, this time by my brother's voice. "You know you guys can go get a hotel room later. Right now I want to know where my sister has been for the past seven years." Hawk and I both blushed as if we had been caught with our fingers in the cookie jar. He leaned over and kissed me gently. 

"Yea I'm kind of curious on what happened after I left you that day."

I looked down. I didn't want to think about the events that happened after that. I wanted to remember Hawk's touch. But I knew everyone wanted to know. So I took a deep breath and continued my story.

"After that day everything pretty much went back to normal. Danny came home from his business meeting and told me how much he loved me. Yada Yada... I thought about Hawk a lot over the next few weeks but forced myself not to get his number out of the glove compartment and call him. 

I knew something was wrong about six weeks after the day at the beach when I woke up and had to race for the bathroom. At first I thought I just had the flu. But when I went on for a week straight, I figured something was up. While Danny was at work I went to the market and bought a home pregnancy test. It had dawned on me on the way home that day from the beach that Hawk and I hadn't used any protection, but when I did the math I didn't think I was in my fertile period so I forgot about it. 

After Danny left for work the next day, I took the test. As I looked at the results I realized my greatest dream and worst nightmare had come true. I was pregnant. I made an appointment with the doctor the next day to have it confirmed and when it was I went home in despair. How was I going to tell Danny? He knew it wasn't his, he couldn't have kids. We had even gone in a few months before and had some tests taken to see if maybe the problem had corrected itself over time. Unfortunately it hadn't. Danny was still sterile.

I was restless the rest of the day and very quiet over dinner. When Danny and I were sitting on the couch later during our usual us time just holding each other, he nuzzled my ear. "What's wrong honey?" he asked kissing my ear softly.

"Um...Danny, there's something I need to tell you." I said moving slowly out of his arms.

"What is it baby?"

I closed my eyes, afraid to look at him. "I'm pregnant." I slowly opened my eyes.

At first he looked happy. "A baby...my baby...." He reached down and put his hand on my abdomen. Then it was as if reality had just struck him in the face. "Wait a minute." He stood up and looked down at me. "How can you be pregnant? I can't have kids. The doctor said so."

"I....I....I..." I couldn't think of anything to say.

Danny reached down and grasped my arms in his hands. "If you're pregnant, I know damn well it isn't mine. When did you do it Crystal?"

I looked up at him, fear and shame in my eyes. There was hurt in his eyes, hurt and anger. I cringed and cried out in pain as his fingers dug in to my arm. "When?"

"While you were in London, It was only one night." I cried.

He suddenly let go of me as though he had been burned. I looked up at him but all I could see was hurt in his eyes. "Get out of my sight." He growled.

I jumped up and quickly ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me and throwing myself on the bed. I heard the front door open and close then the sound of Danny's car as it fired to life. "Oh god, I had betrayed him in the worst way. What had I done?" I cried to myself as I cried into my pillow. "What had I done?" I took a deep breath and continued talking almost in a monotone, not wanting to remember what came next but having to face it. 

"I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew I felt Danny slowly pulling my clothes off and kissing each spot he bared. "Danny?" I called out reaching for him and slowly opening my eyes.

He grabbed my hand softly and kissed it then moved up over me, it was then that I realized we were both naked and I could feel his arousal pressing against me. "Danny?" I asked again suddenly afraid.

"It's okay baby, it's just me." He crooned against my ear. It was then that I smelled the liquor on his breath.

"No, Danny not like this." I said trying to move out from under him.

He just held me down with his body. "Not like what baby?" He kissed me fervently pushing his tongue into my mouth. I tried to keep from puking as I tasted the liquor he had drunk that night. He forced my legs apart with his hips and forcefully pushed himself into me. I screamed out in pain but he didn't seem to notice or care, he just picked up a hard, ruthless rhythm." Tears swam down my cheeks but I ignored them. I didn't see anyone else in the room, I just saw my memories. "He took me savagely, almost ruthlessly, not caring about my cries or my pain. I raked his back with my nails trying to get him to stop but all he did was hold my hands over my head and push himself into me harder and harder. I tried twisting away from him but he just held me. Finally I let myself go limp, hoping that maybe if I complied he would get off faster. Whether he noticed or not I don't know. All I know is with every thrust inside me I cringed in pain. I was sure he must have torn something, it couldn't hurt that bad otherwise. After what seemed like hours but may have only been a few minutes, he tensed above me and I felt him fill me. I relaxed, thankful that it was over. I felt him release my hands and I moved them tentatively down to his shoulders. Then I looked into his eyes and wished I hadn't. There was fire in them, fire as I had never seen before. There was anger and lust and somehow I knew my ordeal was far from over.

I knew Danny wouldn't hit me, he had never hit me and I knew he wouldn't start now, not even as angry as he was. I felt him start to move slowly in me again and cried out at each thrust. His semen cushioned it a little but I was still raw and the friction hurt. He reached up and tenderly cupped my face in his hands. Leaning down he kissed me gently. "I love you Crystal. God help me but I do."

I tried to smile through my tears but it was hard. "I love you to." I whispered, cringing at each slow thrust.

Suddenly the smile of tenderness left his lips and he thrust rakishly inside me. I cried out in pain and I think I blacked out. When I came to, he was tense over me and I felt him filling me again. I thought it was over, I prayed it was over. He didn't move, not to leave me, not to move inside me again, he just lay over me looking down into my eyes. 

He leaned down and kissed me softly again and began to speak. "You're pregnant. I can accept that. We'll just tell everybody that the baby is mine. I won't ask you to get an abortion. I know you don't believe in them and neither do I." 

I opened my mouth to say something but he put his finger over it. "I'm not finished yet." I was just gonna ask what about his dad but thought better of it. The fire hadn't left his eyes. "As I said we will tell everybody that the baby is mine. I will sign the birth certificate and accept the baby as mine. I will give it my name." I relaxed against him and wrapped my arms around him. I knew he hadn't forgiven me but maybe we could still work things out.

I tensed up when he grabbed a clump of my hair, he didn't pull, he just held it and looked down at me. "If you ever mess around on me again, I will kill you. Do you understand?"

I looked up at him, as if trying to determine if he was joking. Suddenly he pulled my hair so hard it brought tears to my eyes. "Do you understand?" I cried out and quickly nodded. He moved his face close to mine. "If you ever try to leave me I will hunt you down if you do it before the baby is born. If after the baby is born you try to leave me I will make sure you never see your child again. If you take off with him/her I will hunt you down and take him/her away so you never see him/her again. Do you understand?" This time I nodded quickly.

He took his hand from my hair and slowly moved out of me. I cringed in pain but didn't say a word. When he lay beside me, he pulled me protectively into his arms. "Your mine Crystal and I always keep what's mine.'

Everyone around me was restless; there were murmurs of rage and contempt. I felt Hawk's muscles tighten against my head. I closed my eyes and ignored them I had to get this out while I could.

"Danny never touched me again after that night. After a while I figured out that he was screwing his dad's secretary. But I didn't care. Several times I would sit in my car and look at the number Hawk had left me. Several times I started to dial it then hung up Danny's words ringing in my ears.

At the end of summer, I went back to school. Spending as much time as I dared over at either Nancy or Amy's house but always making sure I was home before Danny and had his dinner ready and on time. He acted as if nothing had happened. We still had our time together at night where he would hold me and tell me he loved me but he never tried to make love to me again. When we would go to bed, he would kiss me goodnight then roll over and go to sleep. Danny went with me to a few doctors' appointments and was there the first time we heard the baby's heartbeat. His eyes just lit up.

When the baby started moving, Danny would hold his hand to my stomach and exclaim how strong the baby was and that he was sure it would be a boy. He was right. I went into labor in the middle of the night, and we barely made it to the hospital before John decided to make his appearance. We named him John after Danny's grandfather and Michael after Robert.

At first everything was good, it almost felt like old times again, Danny still wasn't touching me but by then I didn't' care. I put all my love into John. Then suddenly Danny just seemed to back away, he would glare at John when he thought I wasn't looking. I got to the point where I would get up in the middle of the night to check on John to make sure Danny hadn't done anything to him. Danny's father was suspicious when he found out I was pregnant but Danny just told him that apparently the doctors were wrong. Paul doted on John, buying him his first baseball and bat and taking him to the park.

John was about six months old when I saw Hawk again. I was walking downtown heading to the mall when I heard someone call my name. Turning around I looked at Hawk as he crossed the street towards me. He didn't even glance at John at first; his eyes were locked on me. He asked how I was doing and we talked for a couple of minutes when John suddenly got fussy. 

It was then that Hawk noticed him. "Hey little guy," He said leaning down and stroking John's small face. He looked at John for a minute then stood back up and looked at me. "He's not...I mean we didn't..."

I knew what he was trying to ask and I wanted to scream out yes he is your son. Take us away from here. But Danny's voice broke into my thoughts and the words he said screamed out at me. So I blinked back tears, looked at Hawk and said. "No we didn't, he's my husbands."

Hawk looked at me suspiciously for a minute then smiled. "Okay, good. I mean I didn't even think about protection that night and when Amy told me you were pregnant I kind of wondered."

I froze for a minute; Amy told him I was pregnant. Then I relaxed, Amy didn't know about Hawk and I being together, I called her the next morning and told her that I had woke up and Hawk had walked me to my car. She seemed to buy it. Plus Amy didn't know that Danny couldn't have kids. "Yea well you don't have to worry; I started my period the morning after I left you so all is good." I couldn't believe how easily the lie slipped from my lips.

He seemed to sense that something was wrong because he quickly put his arms around me. "Crystal, are you okay? I mean if he is hurting you or anything."

I wanted to cry, I wanted to bury myself in his arms, but when I thought about never seeing John again I couldn't. Hawk couldn't protect me, no one could. So as much as I wanted to bury my face in his chest and cry my heart out, I didn't, instead I pulled back and pasted a smile on my lips. "No Hawk, everything is fine."

He looked at me suspiciously for another minute then let me go. "Okay." We talked for a few more minutes then he left and I went back to my shopping. Amy told me 2 weeks later that Hawk had left town.

The next four years seemed to fly by. I watched as John grew from a baby, to a cute little toddler to a bubbling happy little boy. I got my degree and everything seemed to go great in life. That is until about 2 weeks ago.

Danny was off on one of his business trips. He was due home the next day. What I didn't know was that he had finished up early and had taken an earlier flight. I guess from what his dad told me from the letter he sent him was that he was going to try to patch up our marriage. That he didn't like living like two strangers. 

It was dark and Danny was tired, he should have stopped at a hotel for the night but he was in a hurry to get home. According to the police report, he fell asleep at the wheel and swerved into the oncoming lane. He never saw the semi truck coming. He was killed instantly.

I had just put John to bed when I got the knock at the door. I answered it and there were two police officers standing there. "Mrs. Anderson?" The younger one asked.

"Yes." I replied fear suddenly curling in my gut.

"I'm sorry to tell you this but your husband was killed in a car accident tonight."

I didn't know what to say, I just stood there and stared at them. I wanted to cry but couldn't, I wanted to jump for joy but couldn't do that either. I just stood there in shock. Danny was gone. I didn't know how I felt about it.

"Mrs. Anderson, are you okay? Is there anyone we can call for you?" The younger officer asked touching my arm.

It was like I was in a trance and suddenly came out of it. "No...No...I'm fine. Thank you."

They nodded and left and I closed the door silently behind them. I walked into John's room, picked him up and carried him to my bed, I fell asleep holding him in my arms.

The day of the funeral was bright and cheerful; of course it didn't match my mood. Everybody embraced me and I tried to act like the grieving widow, but I couldn't cry, I hadn't cried since the officers told me he was dead. I was dead inside. 

After the funeral Danny's father walked up to me and pulled me away from the other mourners. I thought he was gonna tell me how sorry he was, instead he just pierced me with a stern look and asked. "John isn't Danny's son is he?"

I was shocked, how had he known? I just stared at him for a minute, and then said. "No sir, he's not."

Paul nodded. "You have a week to pack up your things and get out of the house." Then without another word, he turned and walked away. I wanted to rail at him; I wanted to tell him that it was my house to. But I couldn't, he had just lost his son and I couldn't do that. So instead, I moved back over to Nancy's. When I told her what Paul had said she nodded and said John and I could come stay with her until we decided what we wanted to do.




The Long Road Back Ch. 06



A couple of days later, Amy and Jericho came over with Nancy and Andrew and helped John and I move back to Nancy's house. Amy told me that I could come stay with them, but I told her that with them having a baby on the way they didn't need company. She told me she would come see me in a couple of days to see how I was doing. I just nodded and watched them drive away. Then I turned and walked into the house.

Andrew was in the living room reading a book and Nancy had taken John outside to play on the swing set. They didn't have any foster children right now, so they put John in the other bedroom and I was back in my old one.

It looked the same as the day I left it, the bed was made, the closet was empty, the computer sat as if waiting for someone to turn it on. 

I walked over to the bed and started to unpack, but when I looked at the bed, all I saw was Danny and I. Danny and I curled up on the bed kissing and holding each other and the tears I hadn't been able to cry for almost a week, finally broke through. 

I put the boxes on the floor, curled up on the bed and cried. I cried for Danny and what might have been, I cried for Hawk and what could have been if the situation was different and I cried for myself. I didn't know where I was gonna go or what I was gonna do. When Nancy came to check on me later I was fast asleep clutching an old teddy bear. She silently closed the door and went back downstairs.

When I woke up it was dark. Looking at the clock on the nightstand I was surprised to see it was 3 o'clock in the morning. Getting up I quickly checked on John then made my way downstairs. The kitchen light was on so I moved that way.

Nancy was sitting at the table drinking a cup of tea in her bathrobe. I slowly walked towards her. "I figured you would be getting up soon." She said softly. There was no scorn in her voice, just sense. "Tea is on the stove if you want some."

"Thanks." I walked over and got me a cup then moved back to the table. I put sugar in it, then sat and took a sip. Chamomile, Nancy knew I liked that flavor.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and then Nancy spoke again. "Danny wasn't John's father was he?" Again there was no scorn, just curiosity.

I knew I couldn't lie to her. John looked nothing like Danny so I took a deep breath and told her no. Then I told her about my night with Hawk.

She just nodded as I finished my tale. "Have you told him?"

I knew she was talking about Hawk. "No...I tried calling the number he left me but it had been disconnected for almost 3 years. I don't know where he is."

Again Nancy nodded and took a sip of her tea. I wanted her to scream at me, I wanted her to yell at me and tell me what a fool I had been; I couldn't handle this calm acceptance. "Nancy..." I said softly then didn't know what else to say.

She just looked at me for a minute then smiled softly. She reached out and took my hand in hers. "Everybody makes mistakes Crystal. All we can do is learn from them."

"Yea." I took another drink of my tea.

"Have you decided what you are going to do?" She took another drink of her tea.

I looked at her and shook my head. "No...I have no idea."

She looked at me critically for a minute then acted as if she had made up her mind about something. "Have you thought about going home?"

I looked at her and laughed hollowly. "I don't have a home anymore."

"I meant going back to Sacramento. Going back to your old home."

I looked at her as if she had gone insane. "Nancy, I haven't seen or talked to my family in over 7 years. What makes you think they will accept me?"

She just smiled sadly. "If they don't you can always come back. You know you will always have a home here. But you owe it to yourself and to your family to at least try."

I put my tea cup down and looked at her. "I'll think about it."

She nodded as she stood up. "That's all I can ask."

It took me almost a week to convince myself to come home. Finally on the day John and I left, Nancy gave me a hug and told me that no matter what happened she and Andrew loved me and I always had a home there with them. I nodded, hugged her and Andrew then got in the car forcing myself not to look back. We spent the night in Stockton then drove on into town this morning."

TO BE CONTINUED...



The Long Road Back Ch. 07



As I finished my tale the room was quiet, no one moved or spoke. There was a tenseness in the air that scared me. I looked from one face to another but couldn't read anything out of any of them. Finally I looked at Hawk. 

His face was inscrutable to, but behind it I saw hurt in his eyes and wanted to wipe it away. I reached up and ran my hand over his face. "I'm sorry Hawk...I'm so sorry."

It was suddenly like a dam broke and the water was filling a village. Everyone started talking at once. Robert went off on how I should have called when Danny threatened me. Suzanne berated her brother on sleeping with a married woman. Mom cried that she was so happy I was home again and that was all that mattered. Jeff started berating me on how I should have called or written sooner to let my family know I was still alive. Only Hawk was silent, his eyes on mine as if he wanted to memorize this moment for eternity. 

Suddenly he pulled me roughly against his chest. For a moment I felt a tinge of fear, but when his lips touched mine, they were gentle. Almost like a butterflies wing. When he softly asked for permission to enter with his tongue, I moaned softly and opened my mouth. 

He dove in like a man starving and tightened his arms around me. The kiss went on, both of us clinging to the other. Both of us fighting for dominance while at the same time neither of us wanting to win. 

Finally he tore his lips from mine and kissed my tear stained cheeks. "Oh god Crystal, I love you so much and I have been in agony over the last five years wondering if you were okay and if you were hurt." He tightened his hold on me so much I felt like my ribs would break and had a hard time catching my breath but I didn't pull away, I just held onto him as if I was afraid he was a dream and that I would lose him again if I let him go.

It was then that I realized that not only was I crying but so was Hawk. His shoulders shook with his sobs but he just held onto me, he let out all the hurt and fear he had held in for the past five years. I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to tell him that it was okay, that I was fine. But I couldn't form the words, so I just held him and tried to let him know through my actions if not through words how much I loved him and hoped that we could start over again. That maybe someday we could be a family like we should be.

Hawk and I just held each other for a while until I heard a soft tired voice by my leg. "Mamma?"

Pulling away from Hawk I looked down at John. His hair was tussled from sleep and his eyes stared up at me as if asking if I was okay. Reaching down I gathered him into my arms and held him close while I looked at Hawk.

He seemed to know what I was thinking because he reached over and tousled John's hair then looked at me. "I won't try to take him away from you Crystal. You have my word on that."

I sighed in relief then smiled at Hawk. John was resting his head on my chest looking at Hawk to and I wondered what was going through that four year old head. I was shocked at the question that came off his lips. "Are you my daddy?"

I didn't know what to say, I looked from John to Hawk then back to John. "Why do you say that sweetie?" I asked my voice breathless.

John looked up at me. "Because I look like him. Don't I?" I could see the confusion in his eyes. For the last four years he had called one man daddy. Now here was another one that he looked like. It didn't make sense. He rested his head back against my chest but never took his eyes off of Hawk.

Hawk looked at me with a question in his eyes as if asking, "what do I say?"

I didn't know what to say. I looked down at my son then at the man who I loved more then life itself. The words just seemed to come out on their own. "Yes John, he is your daddy."

John looked up at me then looked at Hawk, then did something I don't think either one of us expected. He moved out of my arms and climbed into Hawk's lap. Resting his head against Hawk's chest he closed his eyes and wrapped his small arms around Hawk's waist. 

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I watched father and son. Hawk looked at me for a minute as if asking what do I do then suddenly as if a light bulb had gone off in his head, Hawk wrapped his arms tightly around John and just held him. Leaning down he kissed his son lightly on the head. "I love you John."

John snuggled closer to him and I heard a sleepy voice say. "I love you to daddy."

** *

Later that night after dinner, once again we sat in the living room just talking and catching up on what everybody had been doing. Suzanne and Robert were sitting on the couch next to mom and Jeff. Hawk and I were snuggled together on the loveseat with John on our lap. "So where are you staying?" Mom asked taking a drink of her tea.

I looked over at her. "I have no idea. I didn't know what kind of reception I would get so I just came straight here."

Mom looked at Jeff then looked back at me as if coming to a decision. "You and John can stay here until you get on your feet. Your room is just like you left it and I have had it aired out every week, I don't know why I just have."

I nodded, that would work at least temporarily until I figured out what I was doing. It was then that I felt Hawk's arm tighten around me. I looked up at him, he had a worried look on his face. Sitting up, I set John on the floor then taking Hawk's hand pulled him up and walked towards the front door.

Once we were outside, Hawk took a deep breath then looked at me. "I guess I just kind of figured you and John would stay with me."

I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. "Hawk, I love you, you know that."

"But..."

I sighed. "But I just got out of a bad marriage." I moved a couple of feet away from him. "We haven't seen each other in over four years. I can't just jump into your bed, I need to figure out what I am doing. What I want." I turned to look at him.

He reached out and grasped my hand but didn't try to pull me closer. "Don't you want to be with me?"

I laughed. "Of course I do. I've wanted to be with you since that day you rode off."

"Then why?"

I moved up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Because if we don't take this slow, we are both going to regret it. Maybe not at first, but eventually we will. And I don't want you resenting me."

His eyes were troubled. I knew he wanted to protest, but I also knew that he knew I was right. Finally he nodded. "I don't like it, but I'll go along with it." He wrapped his arms around me. "It has been a lonely five years. I won't say there hasn't been other women cause there has. But none of them ever came close to you. I can't lose you again." His arms tightened around me.

I kissed him gently then laid my head against his chest. "You won't. I promise. I let you ride out my life once before. I won't do it again."

He lifted my chin with his fingers so we were looking into each others eyes. "You promise?"

"I promise." As he kissed me I knew this was one promise I would keep.

A few hours later, Robert, Suzanne and Hawk left and John was curled up in my old bed with my teddy bear fast asleep. Mom, Jeff and I were sitting at the dining room table drinking iced tea. "I think you broke Hawk's heart when you said you were gonna stay here." Jeff said.

I looked over at my stepfather. "Yea I know. But like I told him , I just got out of a bad relationship and as much as I love him I can't just jump into another one."

Jeff nodded in understanding. He reached over taking my hand in his. "It will all work out in the end if it is meant to. If you and Hawk are meant to be together you will be."

As I crawled into bed next to John a little while later I hoped that Jeff was right.

***

The morning sunlight pulled me from my nightmares and I sat up in a cold sweat. John was sitting on the bed looking at me. "Are you okay mommy?" He asked.

I looked around the room, it was the same as it had been when I left seven years ago. All the clothes I had worn then were packed up in boxes and put in the attic. The clothes I had brought with me filled the dresser and closet. 

My desk over by the closet was still cluttered with old books and papers. Schoolbooks that had never been returned to the school. I stood up ignoring John and slowly walked over to my desk. "Oh please, don't let any be in there." I whispered to myself.

Leaning down, I opened the second drawer of the desk, pulling out a small tin box. This was where I had hid my stash. My legs trembled so I sat down in my desk chair, slowly opening the box. I heard John get off the bed and move over to me but once again I ignored him. "Please." I said to myself. I opened the box and sighed in relief. There were a few bits of leaves laying on the bottom of the tin but other then that it was empty. 

I felt John touch my arm and I looked at him. "Mamma, are you okay?" He asked again.

Putting the tin on the desk, I pulled him into my arms, hugging him close. "Yes honey, I'm fine."

A few minutes later, John was in my bathroom taking his shower and I was standing at the dresser looking for clothes for us to wear today when there was a quiet knock at the door. "Yea?" I called over my shoulder.

I heard the door open so I turned to look. Mom was standing there looking very stylish in a beige sun dress, her hair was flowing loose around her shoulders. "I wasn't sure if you were awake yet." She said stepping into the room.

I threw clothes up on the top of the dresser, closed the drawers then looked at my mom. "I just got up. John is in taking a shower. When he gets done, I'll take mine then we'll be down."

Mom nodded but didn't move to leave the room. I had a feeling there was more she wanted to talk about so I stood there watching her waiting for her to speak. "Um....Is everything okay?" She asked tentatively.

Just then I heard the shower turn off and heard John calling me. "Just a minute." I grabbed his clothes and quickly went to the bathroom door, opening it, I handed them into him then closed the door again. "Why wouldn't everything be okay?" I asked moving over to sit on the bed.

Mom moved into the room, closing the door behind her as if she didn't want to be overheard. "Um...I heard you crying out in your sleep last night."

My face went instantly pale. I had had the nightmare again last night. The same nightmare I had every night the first week since I found out Danny was dead. We were driving down a dark street. John was asleep in the back seat. I never saw the semi coming towards us, I screamed as it hit us on Danny's side of the car killing him instantly. I called out Johns name over and over. The first couple of nights I would wake up at this point and make sure John was okay laying beside me.

After the first few nights though and again last night, the dream would shift at this point. I was at Danny's funeral. John would be sitting next to me one minute, then suddenly he was gone. I would look over to the casket and see a bony hand pulling John towards it with John crying out for me. 

I would jump up and rush over, grabbing John trying to pull him away. I could hear screaming around me but all I could see was John and this hand holding him. Suddenly the top of the casket would open. 

Danny would sit up looking at me, his face scarred up and covered with blood. "Your mine Crystal. You and John are mine." He would say in that deep voice of his. He would pull us into the casket with him, the cover slamming shut as he said. "I always keep what's mine." 

Usually at this point I would wake up shaking. For some reason though my mind wouldn't let me wake up at that point this time. I looked over at my mom. 

"I dreamt I was buried alive. Buried with Danny. I think he is trying to destroy me even from the grave."

Mom quickly crossed the room, pulled me into her arms and just held me. "No honey, he can't hurt you now. It is just your own guilt at hurting him." She looked at me. "You blame yourself for him dying don't you?"

I looked at her. "Of course I..." I stopped, I was gonna say of course I don't. But then I realized that in my own way I did blame myself. I told myself over and over that if I had never slept with Hawk, then Danny wouldn't have pulled away from me. If he hadn't pulled away from me then he wouldn't have tried to drive home that night as tired as he was wanting so hard to fix our marriage. I leaned against her. "Yea I guess I do."

Just then John walked out of the bathroom, he was dressed in denim shorts and a t-shirt. I could tell that he had tried to comb his hair because it went every which way. "Come here sweetie." I said pulling a brush out of the drawer of my nightstand. When John was in front of me, I turned him so he was facing his grandmother, then brushed out his hair. 

"Hi grandma." He said giving mom a huge smile.

Mom just smiled back at him. "Hey good looking."

I watched my mother and son and realized I had to get out of here for a while. Get off by myself. Figure out what I was doing with my life. Figure out how I felt about Hawk. Pushing John towards my mom, I quickly stood up. "Mom, can you take care of John for a while today? I...um...I've got a few errands to run."

Mom looked at me suspiciously for a minute. "Sure honey although it will probably be Jeff who watches him. I've got a student coming over in about a half hour."

"That's fine." I gathered up my clothes, then headed for the bathroom.

Mom's next words stopped me with my hand on the door handle. "Hawk is downstairs, he wants to see you."

I closed my eyes at the sudden pain I felt. "Tell him....tell him....tell him I'll talk to him later. That I'll call him later or something." I turned the door handle.

"Crystal, you have been avoiding him for two weeks. You can't avoid him forever." I heard mom and John walk towards the door. "I'll tell him you need some more time. Maybe he will want to take John to the park or something."

Mom was right, I was avoiding Hawk. I hadn't spoken to him since the night I came back. I didn't know what to say to him. He had been over at the house practically everyday for the past two weeks. 

I would hide out in my room until he had left. Sometimes taking John with him, sometimes alone. After about the first week, I was sitting in my window seat looking down at the driveway. Hawk stood next to his car, looking up at me. He knew I was there but made no sign, instead he sighed. His words drifting up to me. "Why won't she talk to me JoAnne? What am I doing wrong?"

I watched mom put her hand on his arm. "She is hurting right now Hawk. She just needs some time to come to some conclusions. About what she is doing, about where she is going."

Hawk nodded. "Okay, if she needs space I will try to give it to her." I watched him get into his car and drive away but I never moved from my spot by the window.

Hawk stayed away for three days after that. The day after I saw him from my window, Suzanne showed up on our doorstep and started yelling at me about how much I was hurting her brother and that I needed to make up my mind about him once and for all. 

I stood there listening to her rant and rave until I couldn't take anymore. I had spent the last week listening to mom, Jeff and Robert try to convince me to talk to Hawk. Finally I snapped. I looked at Suzanne and told her that Hawk was a big boy and could take care of himself. Then I told her to mind her own damn business and slammed the door in her face.

I hadn't seen Robert or Suzanne since then but Robert did call that night to apologize for how Suzanne had acted and told me that he would stay out of my business and let Hawk and I work things out. I felt like an ass when I hung up the phone. I looked over at mom and Jeff watching me from the dining room table but neither one said a word. Instead Jeff got up and walked over to where John was playing on the floor with a toy. I turned away from all of them and went up to close myself off in my room.

I stayed up there for three days. Barely eating, never leaving the room, except to go to the bathroom and to take John down to mom or Jeff in the mornings. 

I barely spent any time with John except to tuck him in at night. I heard him crying outside my bedroom door the second morning but I couldn't bring myself to go to him. I knew I was pulling away from my son but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to care. 

I was depressed, I was confused and I didn't know how to talk to the people who cared about me. I heard someone come up the stairs, sooth John then go back downstairs. I just stared up at the ceiling. I lay like that for a few minutes when suddenly I heard running up the stairs and a pounding on my door. "Open the door Crystal, we need to talk." 

I looked at the closed door. "Hawk?" I said softly.

I heard him try to open the door. I knew it was locked. I had been locking it as soon as I took John downstairs in the morning until he came to bed at night. Last night I guess mom and Jeff had taken him to their bed because he never came to mine. He rattled the door for a minute, then started pounding again. 

"God damn't Crystal. If you don't want to talk to me fine, but don't pull away from your son. He doesn't understand why momma isn't spending any time with him anymore." 

I closed my eyes. Closed my eyes against the pain that those words sent through me. I wanted to get up. To go open the door and go to John. Tell him I loved him. Instead I just turned towards the wall ignoring the pounding on the door until Hawk finally gave up and I heard him go back downstairs.

The third day I was so depressed I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed. I knew there would be tray of food waiting for me just outside the door and my stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten yesterday. But I just couldn't bring myself to move. Instead I drifted off to sleep, troubled by dreams of Hawk and Danny and John all begging me to love them.

I opened my eyes later to a key turning in the lock. I knew mom had lost the key to my room years ago, apparently she had found it. I watched the door open and looked up to see her standing there carrying a tray in her hands. 

She walked into the room, closing the door behind her, then moved over to the desk setting the tray down. My eyes followed her every movement. I could smell the hot soup wafting from the tray and my stomach growled. "Get your butt out of bed and eat something." She said harshly not looking at me.

I looked at her in shock. She hadn't used that tone of voice with me since I was a little girl. Throwing the blankets off of me, I pushed myself out of bed, moving over to the desk. Quietly I sat down and began to eat. Once all the food was gone, I finally turned to look at her. "Where's John?"

Mom straightened up the desk not looking at me. Her voice was cold when she finally spoke. "Hawk took him to the zoo."

I nodded. I didn't know what to say. "Mom...I...I..."

She suddenly turned on me. "I don't want to hear it Crystal. You have buried yourself in this room for the past three days. You have brooded long enough. Even if you don't care about Hawk, or Jeff, or Robert and Suzanne or me, you have a son to raise. He has already lost the man he thought was his father. I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit back while he loses his mother to. 

"Now you are going to go in take a shower, brush your teeth, and hair, get dressed and come down stairs where you will welcome your son with open arms when he returns from the zoo. Is that clear?"

I stared at her, who was this woman? Where was the mother who was so happy to see me when I returned? When had this stranger appeared. Finally I realized she was right, I could hide from the world all I wanted to but I couldn't abandon John. "Yes mom. I will take a shower and get dressed. I promise."

She looked at me for a minute, then nodded. "I will see you down stairs in a little while." She kissed me on the cheek then left the room.




The Long Road Back Ch. 07



True to my word, I showered , dressed and was waiting downstairs when Hawk brought John home. I totally ignored Hawk but gathered John into my arms crying and holding him and telling him how much I loved him. The last three days, I barely let John out of my sight. The only time I relinquished him was when Hawk was there and then I would back away. 

I knew I needed to be with my son but my feelings for Hawk were still unsure. I could see the haunted look in his eyes everytime he looked at me. I wanted to take that pain away. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I couldn't. Not when I was so unsure of myself. So instead I would turn away, move to the opposite side of the room and watch him interact with John from a distance.

This morning as I stood there with my hand on the door handle to the bathroom I knew I had to talk to him. I had to give him some kind of explanation. Some kind of decision. Were we going to be together? If not, were we just going to share John? There were so many questions I didn't have answers to. Not yet. That was why I needed to get away, I needed to sort out in my mind just where I belonged.

I turned to see mom and John standing in the doorway. "I will talk to him. I will. I just need some time to myself first, I need to know what I am feeling. I need to have some questions answered and I'm the only one who can answer them." I pleaded with my eyes for her to understand.

Mom just nodded. "I'll talk to him." Then she led John out of the room closing the door behind her.

When I arrived downstairs a little while later, John, Hawk, Jeff and mom were sitting in the living room. John was showing Hawk a new toy train I had gotten him yesterday. "That is great son." He said ruffling John's hair. 

Then suddenly it was like he knew I was in the room cause his eyes met mine. He looked like he wanted to jump up and come to me but at a shake of her head from mom, he stayed where he was.

I tore my eyes from his and walked over to John. "You be good boy for your dad and grandma and grandpa okay?" I asked hugging him.

"I will mommy." He pulled away from me and wiped a tear from my cheek. "Don't cry mommy, daddy and grandma and grandpa all love you. Everything will be okay."

I couldn't help it, I smiled, how had this young four year old little boy seen through me so well. "I know honey, mommy just needs to work something out. I'll be okay, I promise." I hugged him to me making sure not to look at Hawk. 

"I love you mommy." He said softly.

"I love you to sweetheart. I'll be back in a little while." I kissed his cheek, then stood up, hurrying towards the door. I stopped at the door half expecting Hawk to follow me. When he didn't arrive behind me after a few minutes I opened the door, then walked out of the house and didn't look back.

***

Two hours later, I parked my car at the top of Widow's peak. It was a look out area that a lot of teenagers used to make out without their parents knowing about it. As I got out of the car, I was glad to see the place was deserted. Closing the door, I moved over to a brick wall that was low enough to sit on so you could look out over the city.

I sat down on the wall but I wasn't paying attention to the city before me. My thoughts were turned inward. What was I doing? Did I belong here anymore? Where did Hawk belong in my life? Did I deserve to have Hawk in my life? The questions just seemed to fly at me over and over until I wanted to scream.

Finally I forced myself to acknowledge one question at a time. "What was I doing?" Well for starters I was sitting on a wall looking over the city feeling sorry for myself. 

I laughed sourly. Okay not exactly the answer I was looking for. I was 24 years old, I had recently been widowed, I had a four year old son to take care of and I had a degree in Psychology. Okay got that much. "Well I could probably find a job." I said out loud to no one in particular. "That way I could support John and I and get us out of my mom's house."

Okay that much was settled. That brought up question number 2. "Where did I belong?" As I sat there on the wall I thought to myself that I had three choices. I could go back to LA, I could stay here, or I could take John and just go somewhere, where no one knew me and start over. 

Right off the bat, I vetoed going back to LA. As much as I cared about Nancy and Andrew, I knew I could never go back there. Not only was Danny's father there but everywhere I went I saw his face. Okay that left either staying here or going off somewhere else. 

I skipped over staying here for the moment and thought about going somewhere else. "I could do that." I said once again out loud as if the sound of my own voice would help me understand my thoughts a bit better. "I could move to Oregon or Washington or even Nevada." I wrinkled my nose. "No not Nevada. To much gambling. But Oregon or Washington wouldn't be bad." I thought about that, thinking about all the good points. I could start over, where no one knew me, where no one knew my past. I convinced myself that that was the best course of action. I started to stand up to head back home to tell everyone of my decision when I suddenly sat back down on the wall again. 

"Can I leave my family again so soon after finding them? Can I really take John away from his grandparents and aunt and uncle. Not to mention the cousin he has on the way." I looked out over the city not really seeing it. "Can I take him away from his father? Take him away from Hawk...again?" 

That brought Hawk's face to my mind. His crooked smile, his sea green eyes that would light up with laughter or love. I knew the answer to that question even before I said it out loud. "No...I can't do that to him. I can't take his son away from him again." 

But could I stay here? I didn't know. What if I just left. I gave custody of John to Hawk and I went away and started over? Violently I shook my head. "No...I can't just walk away from my child. I need him as much as he needs me." 

Well whether I liked it or not the answer had been made for me. I would stay in Sacramento. That way Hawk could see his son and John could be close to his grandparents and Robert. It didn't matter if I belonged here or not anymore. This is where I would stay.

Once that decision was made, Hawk's face flashed into my mind again. I could hear his words in my mind. Hear him asking me to move in with him. To not leave him again. Was I ready to move in with Hawk? Was I ready to put my faith and heart into another relationship? I didn't know the answer to that question. 

Although that did bring up my next question. Where did Hawk fit in my life? He was the father of my child. That much would never change. But he could be a part of John's life without being a part of mine. 

That brought up yet another question. Did I want Hawk in my life? The answer to that one was easy. "YES!" But where in my life did he fit? Did I want him as a friend, lover, husband? My mind seemed to stop at that point. Husband? Where had that thought come from? I mean it wasn't like Hawk had asked me to marry him. Although if he had would I have been able to say yes? Would I be able to take that long walk again? Another question I didn't know the answer to.

I sighed holding my head in my hands. "Why does life have to be so complicated?" I asked out loud. I sure wasn't expecting an answer.

"I don't know Crystal. I wish I could answer that for you. Unfortunately I can't even answer it for myself."

I looked up to see Hawk walking towards me. His motorcycle was parked next to my car. I had been so engrossed in my thoughts I had never heard him pull up.

"How did you know where I was?"

He stopped a couple of feet from me, then sat down on the wall his eyes never leaving mine. "Your mom, she told me that sometimes when you were a teenager after you got your license you would come up here to think." He chuckled. "I guess she followed you one day."

I nodded looking everywhere but at him. "I didn't know that." I looked back over the city. "This place gets pretty crowded at night, especially on the weekends. But it is usually quiet during the day."

"A good place to think?"

I turned to look at him. He still had that haunted look in his eyes. "Yes, a good place to think."

He reached out his hand as if he wanted to touch me, then thought better of it, letting his hand fall to his side. "Crystal, talk to me, please. Tell me what you are running from?"

I searched his eyes. How could he know me so well, if you took the two days we saw each other in LA and added the time we had known each other since I came back, we had only known each other a little under a month. But it was like he knew my very soul. 

A sudden shiver ran up my spine although I wasn't cold. "I don't know..." I stood up, walked over to my car, then moved back to the wall. Sitting back down I turned back to him. "You...them..." I pointed out at no one. "Myself....I don't know what I am running from."

Hawk moved closer to me. Not much, but enough for my body to tingle with the awareness of him. "Why are you running from me? I won't hurt you?"

I looked down at my hands in my lap. I wanted to back away from him. Put as much distance between us as I could. But I couldn't move. I couldn't make my body move. "I know you won't hurt me. It's not that I'm worried about." I looked up at him. "I'm worried about me hurting you."

He reached out his hand to me, but when I flinched he pulled back. "You can't hurt me anymore then you already have, Crystal. Even if you walked out of my life right now, I could never be more hurt then I have been over the past two weeks with you ignoring me."

I pulled back as if he had slapped me. I didn't know what to say. I watched as tears welled up in his eyes and wanted to comfort him. But I didn't. I couldn't. I clenched my hands together in my lap to keep from reaching for him. "Why won't you love me Crystal?"

"I do love you."

He laughed sourly. "Okay, let me rephrase that. Why won't you let yourself love me? Why won't you let me love you?"

I looked over the city again, when I spoke my voice was low. If I didn't know it was me saying the words, I would have sworn they were being said by a stranger. I didn't even recognize my own voice. "I want to love you but I....I'm scared. I don't know where you fit in my life. Plus I am not sure that I deserve to love you." I looked at him, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I'm not sure I deserve your love."

It was as if his control had snapped. One minute Hawk just sat there staring at me, the next he was beside me pulling me into his arms. "As far as where I fit? Well, I will be wherever you want me to be. Your friend, your lover, your soul mate. But I will only take whatever you are willing to give." He kissed my hair. "As far as the other." He pulled back so he could look me in the eyes. "Of course you deserve to love me, of course you deserve my love. Why wouldn't you?"

I pulled away from him, struggling to get out of his arms but he just wrapped his arms more tightly around me holding me against him. I beat against his chest but he just held me. Finally I went limp against him unable to stop the flow of tears that moved down my cheeks. "It's my fault Danny died."

"What?"

I looked up at him. "It's my fault he died. If I hadn't slept with you and gotten pregnant with John, then our marriage wouldn't have fallen apart and he wouldn't have tried to drive home that night."

Hawk reached up, wiping a tear from my cheek. Without a word, he kissed me softly. "I'm not saying that what you and I did was right. It wasn't. I knew it then but I didn't care. I don't care now either. It is over, done with. Do you regret having John?"

"No, of course not, but..."

Hawk put his finger over my lips. "You can't know if that one mistake is what tore your marriage apart. Yes there is a strong possibility that it didn't help, but there is no way of knowing if you and I hadn't met if your marriage wouldn't have fallen apart in the end. I think Danny was looking for an escape and you gave it to him with me."

I looked at him, I wanted to believe so badly, I wanted to stop having nightmares, I wanted to believe I had a right to be happy. I wanted to stop feeling guilty. "I mean, look at it this way, he told you he would kill you if you ever cheated on him again, right?" I nodded as I shivered remembering the anger and fire in Danny's eyes that night. "But that didn't stop him from screwing his father's secretary. How do you know he wasn't screwing her before you found out you were pregnant?"

Everything Hawk said made sense and I felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders. The guilt was still there. It hadn't gone away completely, but at least the load seemed to be a little lighter. 

Suddenly Hawk was kissing me, kissing me all over my face and neck, moving his hands over my body. He caressed my breasts through my shirt, I moaned and moved into him. I ran my hands all over him, his face, chest, down to the bulge in his jeans. Hawk just moaned. 

"Say you love me Crystal. Say you will move in with me and let me prove to you how much I love you and how much you deserve to love me in return."

I couldn't think, I could only feel. When he pressed his lips tightly against mine again, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close. "Yes, Yes, I will move in with you Hawk." 

He kissed me savagely, then moved his hands up under my shirt, pressing his hands against my bra enclosed breasts. When he moved one hand down and started to undo my jeans, I tensed up. I instantly saw Danny's face from that night. 

I tore myself out of Hawk's arms, running over to the car. I knew that Hawk wanted me now, here, it didn't matter that we were outside where anyone could drive up. Or that we were by a wall looking over the city, he wanted me and was going to take me. I couldn't. I just couldn't.

I heard Hawk move up behind me, I tensed for a moment. I held my body stiff as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I held myself still against him barely able to breathe until I realized he was just holding me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He kissed my ear.

I closed my eyes for a minute, then turned in his arms pasting a smile on my lips. "You did startle me in your exuberance." I wrapped my arms around his neck. "But that wasn't everything. This time when we make love I want it to be in a real bed and not on the hard ground."

Leaning down, he kissed me gently. "Your wish is my command my love."

As we stood there on that hilltop, just holding each other, I wondered to myself if I would ever be able to lay with another man again without seeing Danny's face or feeling the pain and fear.



The Long Road Back Ch. 08



Chapter 8: My Knight in Shining Armor?

Hawk followed me back to mom's house. When we arrived, I wasn't surprised to see Robert's car in the driveway. "That didn't take long." I said as Hawk and I walked up the walkway with his arm around my waist.

"She must have called him as soon as I left." He replied.

I just shrugged. "I don't know." I opened the door, and then stepped into the house. "Mom, Jeff, we're home." I called.

"We're in the living room dear." I hear mom call back. I looked at Hawk then led him towards the living room. John was on the floor playing with his train, mom and Jeff were on the couch, while Robert and Suzanne were sitting on the loveseat. Everyone turned to look at us as we walked into the room.

John dropped his train, and then ran to me. I gathered him up in my arms holding him close. "Are we gonna live with daddy?" he asked looking over my shoulder at Hawk. "Grandma said we were gonna live with daddy."

We stepped farther into the room while I glared at my mother. She didn't look the least bit abashed. "Yes sweetheart, we are gonna live with daddy." I sat down in a chair, holding John on my lap while Hawk sat on the arm. "We are gonna be a family." 

"YAY!" John cried hugging me close.

"Would you guys mind keeping John for a few days?" Hawk asked looking over at my mom.

I looked at him in shock. "What?" We hadn't discussed this.

He just looked at me gently. "Relax. I've got a small 2 bedroom house, but the second bedroom is cluttered with junk. Plus we are gonna need to get him some furniture." He said pointing at John. "I'm sorry but I don't exactly want him sleeping with us, and I'm not gonna have my son sleeping on the couch."

I looked at John sitting in my lap then nodded. "You're right." I looked over at Mom and Jeff. "Do you guys mind?"

"Of course not." Jeff said coming over and pulling John out of my arms. "Hey John would you like to spend a few days with grandma and I?"

Jeff looked over at mom, and then turned to look at me. "I would like to if it's okay. Can I mamma?" 

I wanted to scream no, that I want you with me. Instead I just smiled. "Of course you can sweetie." I brushed a lock of hair off his face. "When you come home you will have your own room. Do you like that idea?"

John seemed to think about that for a minute. "Yea I like that idea." He hugged me quickly, then Hawk, then ran back over to play some more with his train.

I laughed as I watched him. Then Hawk leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Does that mean we can go now? I want some time alone with you."

Oh god, he was gonna want to make love as soon as we got home. I felt a shiver of fear. I tried to think of reasons to delay our leaving but finally just stood up and nodded. Then suddenly I thought of one. "I can't go yet. I don't have any clothes or anything packed. Everything is upstairs in my room."

Mom suddenly jumped in as if she knew what we were talking about. I wanted to kill her right there in the living room. "Why don't you run upstairs? Grab a change of clothes. I can pack up your things tomorrow and you and Hawk can come pick it up." I glared at her but if she noticed she gave no sign.

Unable to come up with another excuse I sighed. "Okay. I'll be right back." I kissed Hawk quickly then ran upstairs.

I packed a small bag, with a change of clothes and toiletries. Then I stood looking at my room trying to think of some reason to delay going back downstairs. Finally I knew I had delayed all I could. I turned back towards the door and jumped as I saw Robert standing there looking at me. "You scared me." I said sitting down on the bed.

He looked at me for a minute then closed the door. "Sorry." He said with his back to me.

I felt worry all of a sudden. "Robert?" I asked softly.

Robert turned to look at me. There was worry in his eyes. "What are you afraid of Crystal?" He asked looking at me.

I forced a laugh. "What makes you think I'm afraid of anything?"

Robert crossed the room and sat down on the bed beside me. He reached up and touched my face gently with his hand. "I'm your big brother Crystal. I know you better then practically anybody. When Hawk suggested mom and Jeff keep John for a few days you panicked. I don't think anyone else noticed but I did." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Plus, I don't know what Hawk whispered in your ear, but you looked like a deer caught in headlights. I know you, I know when you are afraid and you are afraid." He smiled softly. "Actually let's be honest about this. You aren't afraid, you're terrified, talk to me."

I felt tears fill my eyes and tried to lower my head but he just held my head in his hands. "Talk to me Crystal." His voice was soft but also I felt like he had given me a command.

I looked into his eyes. "What if I disappoint him Robert?" He looked at me questioningly. "I haven't been with anybody since Danny...since he..." I choked on a sob and Robert pulled me into his arms.

"Since the night Danny raped you." he said against my ear as he held me.

I nodded against his shoulder as I cried. My body shook with my sobs. "I'm scared Robert. What if I can't be with anybody now? When Hawk touched me up at Widow's peak all I saw was Danny laying over me. Forcing himself on me." I lifted my head to look into his eyes. "What if I can't love Hawk the way he wants me to?"

Robert pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped my eyes. "All you can do is try Crystal. If you start to see Danny again just force yourself to look at Hawk. Force yourself to know that it isn't Danny. I know it will be hard. But you are a strong person. The strongest person I know. If anybody can come back from this it's you."

I looked into his eyes and felt an overwhelming amount of love for my brother at that moment. "Thank you." I said softly kissing his cheek. "I don't know what I would do without you."

He gave me a wry grin and kissed me back on the cheek. "You would live a very lonely existence." I just laughed. "Now...Gather up your stuff and come downstairs. The man you love and loves you is waiting for you." He stood up.

"I will. Thanks." he kissed my cheek again then left the room.

I took one more look around my old room. Then I grabbed my duffel bag and sighed. "Here goes nothing." I said to myself as I walked to the door. I quickly left the room, closing the door behind me.

"I'm ready." I said a few minutes later as I reentered the living room. Hawk quickly stood up from the chair where I had been sitting. A huge smile was on his face. 

"Thanks again." Hawk said turning to Jeff and mom. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

As Hawk and I moved towards the front door, I distinctly heard mom say. "Oh I think I do."

Once we were outside, Hawk followed me to my car. "What about your motorcycle?" I asked.

"Robert said he would drop it off later or tomorrow."

"Oh, okay." I replied, then unlocked his door and moved over to the driver's side.

***

The drive to Hawk's place was quiet. I could feel his anticipation, while all I felt was fear. A fear that increased the closer we got to our destination. 

We pulled up in front of a single level house that looked more like a cottage. Hawk hurried me up the front walk, and then was so impatient it took him three times to unlock the door. I could no more then glance inside when suddenly he swept me up in his arms. "Hawk, you're only supposed to carry me over the threshold after we're married." I protested.

He silenced me with a kiss, as he carried me into the house, kicking the door closed behind him. "So sue me, I wanted to feel you in my arms." I just barely got a quick glance at the room off to the right before he took me to the end of the hall and into his bedroom. 

There was a queen sized bed taking up about a quarter of the room, with a small nightstand sitting next to it. A lamp was sitting on it with a light colored scarf covering it. There was a slight amount of light coming in through the closed curtains. 

As he carried me over to the bed, I tried to look more at the room. There was a fireplace against one wall, with a dresser against the other. Suddenly I didn't see anything else of the room, as Hawk lay me back on the bed, moving his body over mine. "I have dreamed of this so many nights." He murmured against my neck. "I have dreamed of having you here." 

I moaned and started to close my eyes when I saw the mirror on the ceiling. "Hawk, why is there a mirror on the ceiling?"

Hawk moved away from my neck to look above him then looked back at me. "Don't know. It came with the house." Hawk went back to caressing me. 

Quickly without me realizing it, he slipped my shirt off over my head then attacked my breasts with his mouth through my bra. I moaned, as I watched his head move over me in the mirror. I shivered as I felt him undo the front clasp of my bra then slip the material from my skin.

When my breasts were open to his gaze, he looked at me for a minute then gently ran his finger over my skin. "I have dreamed about touching you again ever since I rode away that day." He said huskily as he lifted his eyes to mine. "You have no idea how hard it was not to turn around and go back that day I left you." He smiled at me tenderly then lowered his mouth again, this time taking my nipple gently into his mouth and sucking on it.

I closed my eyes and reveled in the feelings he caused for a moment. Then suddenly everything went wrong. Hawk moved his hand down to the snap on my jeans, pulling it open, and then sliding down my zipper. 

I held myself still, forcing myself to relax as he slipped my jeans and panties down over my hips, then down my legs, leaving kisses in his wake. I kept my eyes closed as I heard him pulling off his clothes. I lay as still as I could, trying to control my breathing, trying to control my fear. 

I heard Robert's words running over and over in my mind but they were jumbled and I couldn't make them out. I could see Danny's snarling face in my mind and cringed when Hawk's mouth touched me. He didn't seem to notice; he just licked me gently then slowly pushed a finger inside of me.

Suddenly the fear took over; I thrashed around on the bed, pushing against him. I was trying to get him as far away from me as I could. I started screaming as I pressed hard against Hawk's shoulders and kicked out with my legs. All I could see was Danny's face as he forced himself into me hear his laugh.

What I didn't know what that Hawk was sitting on his knees looking at me in surprise. He had pulled away quickly when I pushed against him. He seemed to know I was lost in some memory cause he quickly covered my body with his, trying to gather me into his arms. 

The only problem was that this sent me into a deeper panic then before. I felt his cock resting at my entrance and squirmed to get away. "NO...NO...please not again, don't hurt me anymore." I cried, trying to push him away. 

Hawk just held onto me, holding me in his arms as he crooned in my ear. "It's okay baby. I won't hurt you." He said over and over against my ear.

I didn't hear him though. I heard another voice in my head. "Your mine Crystal, I always keep what's mine." 

My eyes flew open but there was no recognition there. I think I was glad I couldn't see Hawk's face because suddenly his eyes were full of fear. Not of me but for me. He held me closer, trying to get me to calm down trying to show me with his body and his heart that I was safe.

Unfortunately when he moved closer, his cock slid an inch inside of me. I screamed and fought even harder to get away. "No...No...I ....No...Danny...please don't hurt me again."

Hawk flinched and stiffened for a split second. Then suddenly he pushed me onto my back and held my arms over my head. "Crystal; damn't stop it. I won't hurt you. I'm not Danny. I'm Hawk." He screamed at me as I continued to thrash and scream.

Finally his words seemed to penetrate my mind. Suddenly Danny's voice and face were gone. All I saw was Hawk leaning over me, holding my hands above my head, his body straddling mine as he breathed heavily. "Hawk?" I asked tentatively. He nodded. "Hawk?" I asked again, a little more bravely. Again he nodded. Suddenly I burst into tears. "Oh God Hawk, I'm so sorry. I...I'm so sorry." 

Hawk immediately released my hands which went up around his neck as he pulled me against him. Holding me, crooning in my ear as I cried. "Shhhh...It's okay...I won't hurt you." He rubbed his hand up and down against my back.

I cried against his chest. I couldn't seem to stop. But he just held me. Held me as if he would never let go. "Do you want me to stop?" He asked against my ear.

At first I didn't know what he was talking about. I looked up at him. "Stop?"

He reached up wiping a tear from my cheek. "I won't touch you if you don't want me to. It may kill me but I will stop right here and now. I know what you told us that night but I don't think it really sunk in how much he hurt you."

I looked at him. I could see the anguish in his eyes. I could feel how much he wanted me against my thigh. I knew how much it was killing him to hold himself away from me like he was. 

A part of me screamed yes, I want to stop. I can't do this. But there was a much softer voice, a softer voice saying that if I don't get passed this now, I may never get passed this. I heard Robert's voice in my head telling my I could do this. That I was strong. 

I knew Hawk loved me, but how long would he stay with someone who was scared to death to make love to him. I loved him; I didn't want to lose him. I had to get passed this. Somehow I knew Hawk could get me passed this.

Leaning forward, I kissed him very gently on the lips. Then I repeated the words I said so long ago it felt like it was another lifetime. "Hawk, make love to me."

He looked at me. He searched my eyes. He could see the fear that still lingered there, but I knew he could also see the determination.

He kissed me softly then slowly pushed me back onto my back on the bed. He moved over me ever so slowly and gently. He settled himself between my legs, but didn't move to enter me or do anything. He held himself up on his arms, looking down at me. "Are you sure?"

I closed my eyes for a minute. Forcing the fear down as far as I could. When I opened them I could see the love and tenderness in his eyes. "Yes...Make love to me."

He leaned down and started kissing my neck. Slow, closed mouth kisses. I ran my fingers through his hair. "I'll go slowly." He said against my skin.

I just nodded. I forced myself to keep my eyes open. To watch him above me in the mirror. I watched him move his mouth all over my neck then ever so slowly move down to my breasts. 

I tensed for just a minute but it was enough. He stopped, lifting his eyes to mine. I saw the question again. I knew somehow I would continue to see that question until this was over. 

Strengthening my resolve, I nodded again. He moved his mouth down over my breast, taking the nipple back into his mouth. He didn't touch me in any other way, just suckled at my breast like a baby. I moaned, and started to close my eyes then forced them back open.

Over the next hour, I had to keep forcing myself to keep my eyes open as pleasure continuously flowed through me. Every time he moved to a new place, his eyes would meet mine. The question was there. The question I would answer yes to before he would go on pleasuring me. 

It was there as he moved to my other breast with his mouth. It was there as he kissed my stomach. It was there when he took me in his mouth once again. This time he used his tongue inside me instead of his fingers. I writhed around in ecstasy, panting and pulling him ever closer to me until I felt like if I didn't orgasm I would break into a thousand pieces. 

He moved his tongue out of me and replaced it with his finger. He held it at the opening just barely penetrating me. He looked up at me once again. Once again that question was there. 

This time I didn't nod. I didn't care about pain; I didn't care if he hurt me as Danny had done. I needed him and I needed him now. I pressed up with my hips and gasped as I felt his finger slide into me. He moved it in and out a few times before I felt my world shatter. 

I screamed out in pleasure as my orgasm rolled over me. He slipped a second finger into me while his lips attacked my clit. I could feel my orgasm building once again and cried at the intensity of it. He rode me through two more orgasms before he moved back up over my body positioning himself once again at my entrance.

He held himself still. So still I looked up into his eyes. This time there was no question. There was determination. Determination as I had never seen it on his face before. He closed his eyes, then taking a deep breath, pulled away from me until he was lying on his back beside me.

I leaned over him. "Hawk?"

He opened his eyes looking up at me. They were so full of raw passion I wanted to back away but I forced myself to stay where I was. "Why?"

He reached up stroking my sweat coated hair back from my face. "You are such an innocent. You really don't know."

"Know what?"

"I brought you pleasure." He smiled but it looked forced. "That is good enough for me."

I looked down at his cock. It was hard and throbbing. "But what about you?"

He looked down at himself full of need, and then dropped his head back to the pillow closing his eyes. "I'll take care of it later."

I looked at him confused. Why had he stopped? Didn't he want me anymore? "But why Hawk? Why can't I take care of it for you?"

He opened his eyes, looking at me. "You really don't know. You really don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"I won't take you? I won't do to you what he did. I won't take you like he did. I won't take you in the position he did. All that will do is cause you pain. I can't bear to cause you more pain."

I saw the pain in his eyes, the pain of holding back. The anguish of unfulfilled need, of wanting me but not willing to hurt me as Danny had done. I knew then that he still wanted me. He wanted me more then ever. That was the problem. "But this is causing you pain." I protested.

He laughed sourly. "Yea well I'll just deal with it. I won't cause you pain again Crystal. It kills me to see you recoil from me in fear."

It was then I realized just how much Hawk did love me. That he was willing to give up his pleasure to keep me from pain. I felt tears spring to my eyes and tried to blink them back. Not sure why I did it, I slowly reached down and wrapped my hand around him. He gasped out loud and thrust up with his hips. I looked at him but his eyes were closed.

Looking back down at my hand, I slowly moved it up and down over him. I wasn't sure I was doing it right, but from the moans he was making I assumed I was. I had never done this with Danny, he wanted all or nothing. Soon his hips were rising up to meet my hand. 

I kept up the slow strokes not knowing that at this point I should move my hand faster to get him off. Suddenly, Hawk's hand covered mine; he stilled my hand in his. I looked into his eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

He smiled as he gritted his teeth. "No baby. Nothing. But...I need more."

I hated to see him in such pain. "What can I do baby? What can I do to erase the pain in your eyes?"

He looked up at me. Well you can keep doing what you are doing. Just move your hand faster." He showed me how. Then he stopped. "Or you can take me into your mouth."

I looked at him in shock. "In my mouth?"

He laughed which seemed to release a little bit of the tension. "Yes baby, like I did you. Didn't you ever take Danny in your mouth?"

I shook my head slowly. He reached up with his free hand and stroked my face. "You really are an innocent."

I looked at my hand still holding him as he held his hand over mine. I lifted my eyes back to his for a minute then slowly lowered my head. I heard his intake of breath as he realized what I was about to do. I dipped out my tongue and barely touched his hard flesh. Hawk moaned loudly as I touched him. "Take it in your mouth baby." He growled softly.




The Long Road Back Ch. 08



I lifted my eyes back to his then slowly let my mouth slip over him. I gasped when he pushed up with his hips then slowly let my mouth slide down over him. I had no idea what I was doing but from the way Hawk was bucking against me, I knew I was doing something right.

I had been sucking on him for a couple of minutes when suddenly I felt wetness between my legs and knew I wanted him in me. There had to be a way. 

I pulled my mouth off of him as I lifted my eyes to his, I waited until he looked at me then said. "I want you in me Hawk." My voice was almost a plea.

Hawk closed his eyes as he gritted his teeth. "No. I won't take you like that bastard did."

I looked at him, at his tense body, at my hand still holding him. "Isn't there some way?"

Hawk started to shake his head then stopped. He looked at me. "Actually, now that I think about it, there is." I smiled. He quickly moved my hand off of him while sitting up. "Move over onto your hands and knees."

I looked at him for a minute, as if trying to decide if he was joking or not, then slowly moved onto my hands and knees. I heard him move behind me and turned my head to look at him. He nudged my knees apart, with his, and then moved so he was once again ready to enter me. "I'm gonna go slow. If at any time you feel fear, tell me and I'll stop. Promise?"

I knew it would kill him to stop again. I didn't want to promise. I wanted to see the pain leave his face. "Promise me." He said squeezing my ass lightly.

I nodded. "I promise."

He entered me slowly, even after stopping for a while, I was still slick from his mouth and he entered me easily. I felt him slide into me and felt a moment of panic. But when there was no pain, I instantly relaxed. When he was all the way inside, he just held himself there, holding very lightly to my hips. "Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded, I felt so full, so full of him." Then he slowly started to move back out. I felt the friction all the way down to my toes and cried out in ecstasy. Unfortunately Hawk thought it was a cry of pain because he immediately stopped moving. 

"No....don't stop." I begged, reaching back to try to pull him back into me. I felt his eyes on the back of my neck for a moment before he slowly started moving again. He kept up the slow thrusts, filling me, each time deeper then before. I thought I would go crazy with wanting. I could feel it building but I couldn't go over. "Please Hawk. I need...I need....I need you."

Suddenly he was like a wild man; he tightened his hands on my hips and thrust wildly inside me. He pulled me hard back against him every time he went forward. For a split second I was reminded of Danny, but I realized that there was no pain, only pleasure. 

I clawed at the sheet below me, pushing back against him with every thrust. "OH GOD...OH GOD...OH GOD...I'm gonna...I'm gonna." I screamed. Then suddenly I was there. I screamed out in pleasure and cried Hawk's name. He was right behind me, filling me from behind, my name stolen from his lips.

Finally it was over, Hawk collapsed on top of me, pushing me into the mattress. I didn't care. I loved the feeling of him on top of me.

We lay like that for a few minutes before he finally pulled out of me, rolling over onto his back and pulling me against him. He kissed my sweat drenched hair as he continued to try to get his breath back. I just kissed his chest while running my fingers over it. 

"I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked once he finally got his breath back.

I pressed my nose against his chest, inhaling his scent. The scent that was just him as I shook my head. "No, you didn't hurt me. It was wonderful."

"Good." I looked up at him. Watching him as his eyes closed and his breathing became slow and regular. I watched him sleep, knowing that Danny would never bother me again during sex. I just hoped I had gotten away from him in the other aspects of my life.

The next two days were the happiest of my life. I felt like a kid again as Hawk and I cleaned out the spare bedroom. When he pulled out old clothes that he hadn't worn in years and just held them up, I started laughing. He looked at me curiously for a minute then laughed to.

We went shopping for new furniture for John's room. When Hawk asked if there was anything I wanted to change about the rest of the house, I shook my head. "No, I don't care what the house looks like as long as I'm with you."

He smiled and kissed me gently.

The next few times that Hawk made love to me, I wasn't hit with any fear. He even took me on my back and all I did was claw at him wanting more. I felt that Danny was finally gone and that I would be able to move on with my life.

When John saw his new room, he squealed then hugged Hawk and I before he ran over and checked out his new toy box full of toys. As Hawk and I stood together watching our son, I knew that Hawk really was my knight in shining armor.

TO BE CONTINUED...



The Long Road Back Ch. 09



Chapter 9 

Hawk's POV (Six months later)

I was restless. Crystal had taken John to the park with her mother. Something was wrong but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. I thought about Crystal and I's relationship. The last six months had been pure heaven as far as I was concerned. 

I walked into the bedroom and pulled open my nightstand drawer. Reaching down I picked up a ring box. I opened it, looking at the diamond and amethyst engagement ring. I wanted Crystal to be my wife. But no the time wasn't right yet. I put the ring back in the drawer.

Sitting down on the bed, I looked around the room, trying to figure out what was wrong. Why I was so restless? What was wrong with Crystal and I's relationship? I looked down at the bed; no it definitely wasn't the sex. I smiled as I thought about the way she had clawed at me this morning as we made love. How I had taught her so much over the past six months. How I had taught her to take me anally, or to take me into her mouth. She had caught on quick on both counts.

I moved out of the bedroom. Walking down the hall I stopped at John's room. He had actually cleaned it up before they left today. I had to admit to myself I was still having trouble adjusting to fatherhood but I figured I had handled it well up to this point. John seemed to accept me as his father no problem. 

I closed his door, and then made my way back to the living room. It wasn't John that was making me so restless. Then it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I knew what was wrong, I knew what was wrong with Crystal and I's relationship and I knew who I had to talk to.

Grabbing my keys off the coffee table I went out and fired up my bike. If anyone could answer my questions, he could.

15 minutes later I pulled my bike into Jeff and JoAnne's driveway. Cutting the engine I looked at the house as I took off my helmet. Now that I was here I wasn't sure this was such a good idea. But Jeff had known Crystal since she was a kid. If he couldn't help me, who could?

Slowly I moved off the bike and towards the front door. After I rang the doorbell I waited anxiously for someone to answer it. I was finally about to go back to my bike when the door opened. Jeff stood there in a pair of swim trunks with a towel around his shoulders. "I thought I heard the doorbell. Come on in."

I moved into the house. "I...Um....I'm sorry to interrupt. I was kind of hoping we could talk."

The older man scrutinized me for a minute. Then he smiled. "Sure no problem, I was just gonna take a dip in the pool. Come on into the dining room I'll get us some tea." 

I followed him into the dining room. I watched him throw his towel on the back of a chair then move into the kitchen. I pulled out a chair, quickly sitting down. I was looking down at the table when Jeff came back. 

"So what did you want to talk about?" He sat down across from me. From the look on his face somehow I think he already knew.

I looked at my glass but didn't touch it. Instead I looked over at Jeff. "You've known Crystal and her family for a long time haven't you?"

Jeff looked at me as if he was assessing me for a minute. It made me very uncomfortable. "Yes, I've known the family for a long time. My wife Marlene and I used to live next door. But we moved to Bakersfield when Crystal was five. I don't really know the grown up Crystal any better then you do."

"Oh." I hung my head. This was going to be harder then I thought. Reaching out, I picked up my glass. Taking a small sip I set it back on the table. I wondered if I should go over and talk to Robert. I mean he was her brother and all. Then I sighed. No Robert wouldn't be able to help me either. 

I took a deep breath then looked at Jeff again. "When you were married to your first wife or even now with JoAnne, were there ever moments when she would just stare off into space, almost as if she was in another place or another time?" I asked trying a different approach.

This time Jeff was quiet for a good five minutes before he spoke again. "No, can't say I have ever been in that situation."

"Oh." I looked down at the table. I didn't know how else to ask my questions. Jeff seemed to sense something because he reached over, squeezing my hand. I looked at him in shock for a moment until I realized he meant it in a fatherly way.

Jeff smiled in a fatherly way, "trouble in paradise?"

I looked at him. "Yes...No...I don't know..." I looked down at the table again. "It's just that sometimes life is great. We laugh, joke, tell stories about our childhood, we have a great time."

"But...?"

"But...There are other times, usually at night after Crystal puts John to bed or while she is putting him to bed, that she gets this far off look in her eyes. It's like she is lost in another place or another time and no matter what I do I can't reach her. I feel as if she is pulling away from me. I don't want to lose her again Jeff, but I feel like I am." I looked at the other man pleadingly.

Jeff nodded in understanding. "Crystal has been through a hard life. Her parents divorcing foster care, the trouble with Danny..."

"I know and I am trying to give her all the time she needs to come to grips with things. But I feel like she is pulling further and further away from me and I don't know what to do about it." I took another sip of my tea.

"Have you tried talking to Crystal about it?"

I laughed sourly. "Yea, she looks at me like I've lost my mind. I don't think she even realizes she's doing it."

Jeff looked out the patio door towards the pool. He seemed to have forgotten I was there for the moment. When he spoke again it was in a low voice. So low I had to strain to hear him. "Sometimes, when a person goes through some really hard times, they will withdraw into themselves. They use it as a defense mechanism to keep themselves from getting hurt." Jeff looked at me. "You know what I mean?"

I nodded; I knew exactly what he meant. Suddenly my mind went 15 years into the past. 

I was 12 years old again. I was sitting on the steps in front of my house. Mom and dad were arguing again. Something about mom using the credit card and running up the bill so high that dad couldn't afford to pay it. I heard the yelling and wanted to be somewhere else, some time else. 

Suddenly I heard mom scream. Jumping up, I ran into the house. Mom was lying on the floor, her nose bleeding. "Mamma," I cried running over to her.

"Leave her alone Joshua, she got what she deserved." I heard my dad yell at me as he pulled me away from my mother.

"You creep." I screamed pulling out of his grip. I turned on him and started hitting him wherever I could reach. "Don't hit mom. Don't hit Suzanne, if you wanna hit someone hit me." I screamed as I continued beating on him with my small fists. "Hit me."

He did, beating on me until I could barely move. My eye was swollen shut and my lip had cuts on it where I had bit it to keep from crying out. Finally mom was able to pull him off of me and I lay there, not moving, afraid to move.

Mom cleaned my cuts, telling me that she would take care of me. That everything would be okay. Somehow I didn't believe her.

Over the next four years, my dad beat on me often. He never touched mom or Suzanne again for which I was grateful. I knew I could handle whatever her dished out as long as he left them alone. 

Whenever he would get mad at one of them he would beat on me. After the first 3 or 4 times, I didn't feel the pain anymore. I was lost in my own world. I was a bird flying away from it all."

I was pulled back to the present by Jeff's voice and him shaking my arm. I turned around to see him standing by my chair. "Hawk, are you okay?" He asked his voice full of worry.

I smiled sourly. "Yea, I was just remembering how my dad used to beat me when I was a kid and how I used to imagine I was a bird flying away so I didn't feel the pain." I laughed. "The old bastard died last year in a bar fight, I guess he found someone who was actually bigger then he was."

Jeff moved back over to his chair. "So maybe it's not that Crystal is purposely trying to pull away from you. It's more that she has that defense mechanism in place and doesn't realize it."

I nodded as I drank more of my tea. What Jeff said made sense. "What do I do?" I asked looking at him.

Jeff looked at me, a slight smile on his face. "There is only one thing you can do."

"What's that?"

"Love her. Let her know that she isn't alone. That she can lean on you. That you're not going to hurt her like Danny did, or leave her like her father did." He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "In time I think she will come back to you."

I looked down at my glass. "I want to marry her."

Jeff chuckled. "Have you told her yet?"

I shook my head. "No. It just hasn't seemed like the right time. Every time I think it is the right time, I...I..."

"You get cold feet?"

"Yea."

Jeff just nodded, "That's understandable. It took me almost a year to get up the courage to ask JoAnne to marry me."

I looked over at the older man, "really?"

Jeff nodded. "It's natural to be afraid of commitment."

I bristled. "It has nothing to do with being afraid of commitment. I love Crystal. I love John..."

"But?" Jeff prodded gently.

The answer to that question brought up two questions. I wasn't sure which one to ask first. Finally the words just slipped out of my mouth. "Do you think I'm a good father?"

Jeff looked at me as if he had never seen me before. "What?"

"Do you think I'm a good father?"

He must have seen how much his answer meant to me because he was quiet for a moment. Then his words weren't exactly what I had been expecting. "Do you love him? Does he seem to accept you as his father? Do you hit him? Do you spend time with him?"

I looked at Jeff for a minute, and then the words just spilled out quickly. "Yes. Yes. No. Yes."

Jeff smiled. "Then you are a good father. As long as you love him, he accepts you, you don't hit him and you spend time with him then there is nothing else you can do."

I nodded. That made sense. Then the other burning question seemed to want to be asked. "Do you think I'm good enough for Crystal?"

This question seemed to shock Jeff even more then my first one did. "Do I think you are good enough?" He scratched his head. "Hawk, that isn't for me to decide."

I clenched my fist on the table. "I know it's not. But sometimes, I feel like I'm not good enough for her, like she deserves someone better. I mean look what that bastard Danny put her through."

Jeff nodded. "Hawk, it isn't up to me or JoAnne or Robert or even Thomas to decide if you are good enough for Crystal or if she is good enough for you. Only you and Crystal can answer that question." He looked at me seriously. "Do you think Crystal is good enough for you?"

I forced a laugh. "Is Crystal good enough for me? She is too good for me. I thank god everyday that I have her in my life."

Again he squeezed my shoulder then asked his straightforward question. "Do you love Crystal?"

I looked at him with tears in my eyes. "More then life itself."

"Does she love you?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I thought she loved me, she told me all the time that she loved me. But did she really? "How do you know if somebody really loves you?"

Jeff took his hand off my shoulder, sitting back in his chair, he scrutinized me. "Well I guess it is different for everybody. I know JoAnne loves me because she tells me. Sometimes she will do something special for me, like cook a special dinner or pick out a particular movie on TV that she knows I like. It can be little things, things that no one else does or thinks about."

I nodded trying to think of everything Crystal did for me. "When I come home from work she greets me with a kiss. When I go into take my shower every night, my bathrobe is laying on the bed for me with the sheet turned down."

I looked at Jeff with the question burning in my eyes. "Yes Hawk that can be ways that someone can show you they love you."

"Well if that is the case, then I guess I am pretty sure that Crystal loves me." I smiled.

"That's all that matters then. Whether you are good enough for her or she is good enough for you is a moot point." 

Just then we heard the front door open and women's voices. "Hey Jeff, where are you?"

Jeff leaned close, whispering quickly. "Talk to Crystal. Explain your fears. See how she reacts."

I nodded as JoAnne, Crystal and John came into the room. "There you are." JoAnne said walking around the table to kiss Jeff on the cheek.

I turned around in the chair. Crystal was standing there looking at her mother and Jeff with a wistful look on her face. 

John noticed me first. "Daddy..." He cried rushing into my arms. I caught him in a huge hug as I looked at Crystal. I knew the moment she realized I was there. Her eyes lit up and she had a beautiful smile on her face. 

"Hey honey. I didn't know you were here." She walked over, dropping a quick kiss on my lips. "How long have you been here?"

"For a while, I was talking to Jeff."

She looked concerned. "Is everything okay?"

I looked over at Jeff who smiled, then looked back to Crystal. Holding John tight in my arms, I reached out with my free hand and grasped hers. "I think it will be." She just smiled that beautiful smile at me again. "Come on, let's go home." 

Jeff drove us home, promising that the motorcycle would be fine until tomorrow when I could come pick it up. I sat in the backseat with Crystal and John my arm resting against the back of the seat. "Did you guys have fun?" I asked.

John looked up at me, and then said through a yawn. "Yea it was great."

I smiled; ruffling his hair then looked at Crystal. She was looking at me, but I knew she didn't see me. She was off in her own world again. At first this bothered me, and then I thought about what Jeff had said and relaxed. I would talk to Crystal tonight. Everything would be okay.

***

Later that night, Crystal and I were cuddled on the couch watching an old movie on TV. After John had fallen asleep in his spaghetti we decided to put him to bed. That was two hours ago. I was still trying to figure out how to bring up the subject that had me worried when Crystal suddenly put her arms around me. "Hawk, do you love me?" She asked quietly against my chest.

I was stunned for a minute. Lifting her chin I looked into her eyes. "Yes. I love you very much. Why would you ask that?"

She tried to pull her face away but I just held on. Not hard but enough to keep her from pulling away. "I don't know...I..." She closed her eyes, and then opened them. "It's just I'm scared. I mean I thought Danny loved me and look what he did to me."

Leaning down I kissed her softly, then took her in my arms. "Crystal. I would never hurt you like that. You and John are my whole life." I felt her relax in my arms. 

"Really?"

I held her close. "Really, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you in my life. I think about Danny and I want to bring him back to life so I can kill him with my own hands."

Crystal laughed against my chest. "Oh Hawk. I love you so much." She kissed me. "Was there something you wanted to talk to me about? You have been quiet since we left mom's house."

Now that she had brought the subject up, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to begin. Suddenly Jeff's words flowed through my mind. 'Talk to Crystal, tell her your fears, see how she reacts.'

I slowly moved her out of my arms so we were sitting next to each other. She looked as if she wanted to say something but I put my finger to her lips. "I need to talk to you and I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?"

She looked at me and nodded her face was full of curiosity.

Closing my eyes, I started to talk. I told Crystal about my past. How dad had beat on me until I was 16. How I dropped out of high school and ran away from home to get away from him. How I lived on the streets for a year never knowing where my next meal was coming from or where I was gonna sleep at night. I laughed sourly. "I learned more about the streets, drugs and sex that year then any sixteen year old should ever know."

She looked at me, her eyes were wide and her mouth was open partially but she didn't say a word.

I looked at her expecting to see scorn or disgust. Instead I saw pity which was even worse. "I did what I had to do to survive, but by the time I got off the streets I was really leery about getting hooked up with anyone." She nodded; it was as if she didn't know what to say.

"I had been on the street for a little over two years when I met this guy. He was in his mid to late 40's. Said he would give me a hundred bucks to give him a blowjob then let him fuck me. I told him my terms and we came to an understanding. When it was over he looked at me. "How old are you boy?" he asked.

I gave my usual response. "18 sir."

He laughed. "Yea right, if you are a day over 16 I'll eat my shorts."

I looked down at my shoes. "Actually I am 18. I just turned eighteen last Tuesday."

He nodded, and then lifted my chin so I could look him in the eye. "What's a kid like you doing on the street? You wear nice clothes. You must have a family out there that cares about you."

I nodded as tears came to my eyes, I told him about my dad and how he used to beat me. When I told him about Suzanne, he went ballistic. "What the hell were you thinking leaving her with him? He could be turning her black and blue and you are here hustling yourself. You get your butt back home and I don't ever want to see you on these streets again."

I ran out of the hotel room. Ran for over an hour before I had to stop and catch my breath. His words kept echoing in my mind. The next day I went back home. Dad had never laid a hand on Suzanne, for which I was glad. I got a job and moved into my own place taking Suzanne with me."

I took a deep breath. "I worked two jobs, plus went back to school. Whatever it took to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. When Suzanne went off to college I knew I had to get away. I had always been happy in LA until we moved up here due to dad's work. So I got on my bike and drove down there. I had actually just arrived in LA the day I met you."

Crystal smiled. "I will never forget that day. That day changed my life." She reached out, entwining her hand in mine. "The minute I looked into your eyes I knew my life would never be the same.

Right then I knew I had to have her. Standing up, I picked her up in my arms and carried her to the bedroom, where I laid her gently on the bed. I slowly stripped her naked then slowly took off my clothes. 

Her eyes never left mine as I disrobed. When I moved over her I knew what I wanted. I knew what I needed to have. We made slow, passionate love. We would slowly push ourselves to the brink then back off, wanting to make it last as long as possible. 

Finally I knew that we both needed release. I pushed roughly with my hips, impaling her over and over. I gloried in her cries of pleasure. It just drove me to larger heights until I felt myself go over the edge with her following right along on my coattails. I screamed out her name as I filled her. I knew then that no matter what happened I would keep her in my life. Somehow, someway, I would make this work. I would never let her go.

Afterward, we just lay there holding each other, trying to get our breath back. I was lying on my back with Crystal's head lying against my chest. "I'm sorry if I seem distant sometimes." She said softly. "Half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it." She rose up so her arm was laying on my chest as she looked into my eyes. "It's just sometimes, I feel like what we have is too good to be true. Like one day you are gonna decide that you don't want me anymore. That you are gonna walk out that door and not look back."




The Long Road Back Ch. 09



"That will never happen." I said reaching down and wiping a tear from her cheek.

"How do you know?" 

I smiled, so softly, "because, if I ever walk out that door, I will take you and John with me. I can't live without you and John. You both are part of my soul. If I ever lose either of you, you will take a piece of me with you."

Crystal laid her head against my chest, crying. "I'm so sorry Hawk. I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I love you so much." 

I just gathered her into my arms as she cried herself to sleep. Finally I lay her back on the pillow, smoothing her hair out of her eyes. As I lay there watching her sleep, somehow I knew then that everything would be okay.

To Be Continued...



The Long Road Back Ch. 10



It was a little over a month since that night when Hawk told me about his past. I was sitting on the couch watching TV. Mom had John for the weekend and Hawk was at work. Tomorrow was Hawk's birthday and I knew I wanted to do something special for him. I couldn't decide what to do.

I had already ordered the cake from the local Safeway, (a white cake with chocolate frosting and a raspberry middle, with the words Happy Birthday Hawk written on it in yellow frosting). 

I knew that Amy and Jericho were driving up for the party. They would be here later tonight. Robert and Suzanne would be here along with their daughter Rose who they had named after me. a long with mom and Jeff. 

I had talked to Suzanne about inviting their mother but she said that wasn't a good idea. Their mother hadn't talked to Hawk since the day their father died. All I knew about their mother was that she was living somewhere up in Oregon. Suzanne told me that was all she wanted to know. Her and her mother had lost touch after she had gone to college. She hadn't even met Robert and Suzanne liked it that way.

I still hadn't bought Hawk a birthday present. I knew I wanted it to be special. Then it hit me. I had seen the perfect thing at the mall yesterday. Grabbing my purse and keys, I left the house.

20 minutes later I arrived at the 3 star mall. Quickly I walked through the mall ignoring the other people as I looked for the shop. 

Within five minutes I found it and the clock was still there. It was in the shape of a Hawk with the clock hands and screws making up the belly of the hawk. I knew it was perfect. I looked at the price tag. $150.00. "Well Hawk is worth it." I told myself as I walked into the shop. 

10 minutes later I walked out of the store with the clock wrapped up and under my arm.

It was a cold day so I decided to stop off at Frankie's coffee shop for a latte before I headed for home. I was standing in line when I heard someone call my name. Turning around I saw someone I hadn't seen in over seven years and hoped to never see again. 

"I thought that was you." Sheila said walking up to me. I looked her over; she hadn't changed much in the past seven years. She was still skinny as a rail, although looking at her I was pretty sure she was probably anorexic she was so skinny. Her once bright red hair was just a dull shade of red now and her eyes didn't sparkle anymore. As a matter of fact they looked dead.

I pasted a fake smile on my face. "Hey, how you doing? I heard you left town."

Sheila nodded. "Yea. Moved back east and got married, even had a couple of kids. I left my old man though when he decided I made a pretty good punching bag. So here I am. Back staying with my mom until I can get my life together."

I nodded. "That's good." I looked around nervously. "Um...are you still doing the drugs?"

Sheila quickly looked around before waving her arms around. "Shhhh...you wanna get me arrested or something. No...I don't do the drugs anymore." I sighed in relief. "I sell them now." She said in a low whisper.

I looked at her in shock. Grabbing her arm, I moved out of the line, pulling her over into a corner. "Are you crazy?" I asked releasing her as if she had the plague.

She just looked at me like I had lost my mind. "Hey I gotta put food on the table somehow and I make pretty good money doing what I do."

I just shook my head. "There are other ways of making money."

Sheila shook her head. "Not for me there isn't. The only two things I'm good at is what I'm doing and spreading my legs. I won't sell my body just to feed a couple of snot nose brats."

I just stared at her. I couldn't believe that anyone would talk about their children like that. "You could get a job like a normal person." I said defensively.

Sheila laughed at this, laughed so hard that people were turning to stare at us. "Shhhh...." I said smiling at the people until they turned away.

"Oh that's funny." She said wiping her eyes. "Me get a job....who in his right mind is gonna hire me?"

"Lots of places," I said defensively.

Once again she looked at me as if I had lost my mind. "Yea right. The girl, who dropped out of high school, has no skills, and the only thing she's good at is being a whore." Again people turned to stare at us.

Grabbing her arm, I pulled her out of the mall towards my car. "Would you keep your voice down?" I hissed as the January wind tore at my jacket.

We reached my car, before she tore herself out of my grip. "Sorry didn't mean to make a scene in there. Besides like I was saying about the best I could do is get a job at someplace like McDonalds or something like that and I make more money in one day doing what I do then I would get in a month at a place like that."

I looked at her with pity in my eyes. "What happened to you Sheila? You were one of the brightest kids in our class. Everybody expected you to make valedictorian."

She laughed again, this time sourly. "Yea well, shit happens." Suddenly she leaned close to me. "You wanna buy some? I got a dime bag on me. It'll cost ya $50.00; she pulled a small bag filled with white powder out of her purse. That's actually cheaper then I usually charge my clients.

I moved back away from her as if I had been burned. "No thanks. I gave up that stuff a long time ago.

She looked at me a minute, shrugged her shoulders and put the bag back into her bag. "Your loss." Then she scrutinized me for a minute. She looked over my designer jeans; my purple sweater that looked like it belonged in a magazine for Macy's and my Rolex watch that Hawk had gotten me for Christmas. "Boy don't you look snazzy. You have really come up in the world from the girl who showed up on my doorstep with tears in her eyes."

I didn't want to remember that day. My life was so much better now. I had a man who loved me, a son who thought the world of me and my family back. I didn't need Sheila or her drugs anymore. "Yea well I grew up." I sneered at her. "Maybe you should."

She looked at me affronted all of a sudden. I never saw her hand come up until it slapped me across the face. In retaliation I slapped her back. Then she grabbed my hair and we started wrestling around on the frozen ground. 

She tried to scratch me; I tried to rip her eyes out. When she bit my hand I backhanded her. I don't know how much time past as we wrestled there on the icy ground in front of the mall. All I knew was that I wanted to pay her back for ruining my life all those years ago.

"I do what I have to do to survive." She screamed at me as she got on top of me and hit me with a right hook across the face.

"There are better ways to survive." I retaliated as I kicked her in the stomach. When she landed on the ground trying to catch her breath, I moved over her and started hitting whatever part of her I could reach. "You ruined my life." I said between each blow. "I should kill you for it."

Just then I felt a pair of strong arms pull me off of her. I kept swinging at her but the man holding me just held me tightly. He pinned my arms to my side. I struggled against him trying to get to her again. 

When Sheila stood up she came after me again with her nails. Suddenly there was another man holding her back. "You are a bitch, Crystal Miller." She screamed trying to break the hold of the man holding her. "I should have let Jeremiah screw you that day you came over to my house. He wanted to but I said no cause you were my friend."

I struggled even harder against the hands holding me. I wanted to tear her throat out. "If I ever see you again Bitch, I will kill you." I screamed.

I didn't realize how soon those words would come back to haunt me.

When the police showed up the man holding me grudgingly let me go, although he kept a tight hold on my arm to keep me from going after Sheila again. Sheila had quit struggling against the man holding her and was crying.

"Okay what is going on here?" the first officer a short, round one said with an unlit cigar stuck in his mouth.

I didn't say anything so the man holding me said it for me. "My brother and I came out of the mall and found these two at each others throats. I think if we hadn't pulled them apart they would have killed each other. Especially this one." He shook my arm. 

I forcefully pulled it out of his grasp. "I wasn't gonna kill her." I said glaring at him.

He just stared at me, his green eyes stern. "No offense lady but I just stood here and heard you tell her that if you ever saw her again you would kill her."

"Oh really?" 

I looked at the cop. "I was angry. That's all."

"What's your name miss?" He asked pulling a pad and pen out of his pocket.

"Crystal Anderson," then I gave him my address.

He turned to Sheila, who told him her name, address, then admitted that yes she had started the fight and no she didn't want to press charges; she just wanted to go home to her kids. The officer asked a few more questions then finally said we could go but he didn't want any more trouble.

It wasn't until Hawk got home later and saw me that I realized I had a black eye, a fat lip and bruised knuckles. "What happened?" He asked after he got over the shock, he had come into the kitchen where I was cooking dinner.

I looked down at the floor. "I ...um...I got into a fight."

I heard Hawk walk towards me, and then felt his fingers lift my chin. "That much is obvious. Who looks worse, you or them?"

I actually smiled. "Actually I think she does."

I saw that Hawk was trying to look stern but his eyes shined with curiosity while a half smile curved up his lips. "Okay, what happened?"

"I went to the mall to get your birthday present." I said referring to the brightly wrapped package sitting on the kitchen table. I checked the package as soon as I got in the car and sighed in relief that it hadn't been broken during the fight. "And I...um...kind of ran into an old friend."

Hawk's eyes darkened. "What kind of old friend?"

I looked at him. "Not that kind of old friend." I saw him relax. "I ran into Sheila Rodriguez; The girl who I used to get my drugs from."

"Oh..." He said crossing his arms over his chest. "That kind of old friend."

"Yea well..." I moved over to the table, sitting down. "We started talking, she's selling drugs now. She offered me some."

Hawk was quickly at my side taking my hand in his. "You didn't?"

I smiled at him. "No I didn't." He visibly relaxed. "Anyway, we were talking and the next thing I know we were wrestling around on the icy ground. A couple of guys came out of the mall, saw us, broke us apart and called the cops."

Just then the doorbell rang. "Oh that's probably Amy and Jericho." I stood up, and quickly moved over to answer the door.

When I opened the door I stared, Amy looked like a small whale, she was so big. "Boy you look like your gonna pop any minute." I said in awe.

She just chuckled as she gave me a sideways hug. "Nice to see you to." 

Jericho just smiled next to her.

I blushed suddenly realizing what I had said. "I'm sorry, come on in." I moved back to let them into the house. 

Hawk walked over, hugging Amy carefully then shook Jericho's hand. "I'm glad you guys could make it, although..." he looked at Amy's stomach. "Maybe you should have waited until after the baby was born."

"Relax you guys..." She said waddling over to the couch so she could carefully sit down. "I've still got two weeks before this one makes an appearance."

I looked from Amy, to Jericho then over to Hawk, a huge smile on my face. God it was nice to be around friends.

We stayed up half the night talking and laughing over old times. Finally around 3am, Hawk told us it was time for bed. He helped me set up the pullout couch, then we said goodnight and went to our room. 

We made love quietly so not to bother Amy and Jericho then fell asleep in each others arms.

***

At 5:00 the next day I thought life was perfect. The party was in full swing. Everybody was having a good time and Hawk was just finishing opening his presents. His eyes glowed with joy when he saw the clock I got him. "Thank you baby, I love it." He said kissing me softly.

I was taking some empty cake plates into the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Putting the plates on the table, I answered the door. There were two police officers standing there. "Can I help you?" I asked.

Suddenly one of the officers pushed his way into the house and grabbed me pulling my hands behind my back. "Hey what's going on?" Hawk cried jumping up. Everyone in the room turned to look at me.

"Crystal Anderson, you are under arrest." The officer holding me said as he clicked handcuffs onto my wrists.

"What's the charge?" Hawk demanded striding towards us determinedly.

The officer looked at him, "murder, of one Sheila Rodriguez."

The air in the room suddenly felt too strong to breathe. I couldn't get my breath. I just looked from one set of eyes to another. Each set I looked at was filled with shock. Without a word, I felt the officer pull on my arm and followed him out of the house.

To BE CONTINUED: 

Sorry about the cliffhanger, but the next part was too long to put them together. I know, short chapter, I promise, the next one will be longer.



The Long Road Back Ch. 11



My mind was in shock. I followed the officer to the waiting police car, barely listening as he read me my rights. He forced me into the backseat and I just faced forward. I couldn't look at the house. I couldn't see the faces staring back at me. I knew there would be a lot of them. Sheila was dead? I couldn't fathom it. I had just talked to her yesterday.

As the car started to pull away from the curb I chanced one glance towards the house. John was pounding on the glass and I could tell from his lips he was calling to me. Then something made me look towards the front door. Hawk stood there watching me taken away. Before I tore my eyes away I saw his face, full of determination.

On the way to the police station I heard the officers in front talking. I don't know what they were saying. I didn't care. My son had watched me taken away in a police car. The look of determination on Hawk's face scared me. Was he going to try to prove my innocence, or did he think I did it? I turned my face to look out the window. Watching as buildings I had seen ever since I was a little girl fly by. I heard the sirens on the top of the car blaring. I closed my eyes trying to fight back the tears. I had to be strong now; crying wasn't going to get me out of this situation.



After what seemed like hours, but I'm sure was only a few minutes, we arrived at the police station. I didn't resist as the officer pulled me out of the back of the police car. My mind was in a fog as we walked towards the door to that big building. I went through booking, answered the questions asked of me as though I was a robot then was surprised when I was suddenly standing in front of a pay phone. The officer who had talked to Hawk was standing next to me with money in his hand. "It's time for your phone call miss." He kind of smiled. "If I were you I would call a good lawyer."

I just took the money, punched in my home number then waited for someone to answer the phone. It was picked up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Amy?" I said unsure why she would be answering the phone. "Where is Hawk?"

"Oh god Crystal. Are you okay?" She sounded like she was about to cry. I knew she didn't need this in her condition but there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it.

"I'm fine Amy, is Hawk there?"

She stifled a sob. "No....As soon as the police car was out of sight, him and your mom got their heads together. Then suddenly your mom picked up her cell phone, dialing a number as they ran out of the house."

My heart sank. Hawk, my hero, my savior, wasn't there when I needed him. I needed to hear his voice. I felt tears well up in my eyes. Blinking them back quickly I tried to find a strength in my voice. "When he gets home, tell him...." My voice broke. "Tell him I Love him."

I heard Amy sigh on the other end of the line. "I will, don't worry Crystal. I'm sure Hawk will get you out of this somehow."

"Yea I know." Just then the officer next to me tapped me on the shoulder. When I looked at him, he pointed towards his watch then nodded at the phone. He was telling me my time was up. "Listen Amy, I have to go now. Take care of John for me and I tell him I love him."

"I will." I heard her say before the phone went dead. I slowly hung up the receiver then turned to the officer next to me.

He grabbed my arm in a surprisingly gentle grip, and then led me down the hall to a locked door. Opening the door, he led me through it. On each side of the room were cells. Several of them had women in them. When I looked at them, I shivered. Not many of them looked too friendly. He led me down the hall towards the end, and pushed me into an empty cell. I turned back around in time to see him close and lock the cell door. As I heard the metal clang against metal I shivered. "Could life possibly get any worse?" I wondered to myself as I moved over to the cot lying against one wall.

Sitting down on the cot, I looked around my new home. At least my new home for a while. It was just like the jail cells I had seen on TV. There was a toilet over in the corner as well as a sink next to it. Neither looked like they had been cleaned in months. Then I looked down at the bed I was sitting on. In every movie about jail I had seen most of the cells had bunk beds. The cell I was in didn't. I figured this was just a holding cell. Someplace to put someone until it was determined if they were guilty or not. I lifted the wool blanket, beneath it was a white sheet covering what looked like a thin mattress. At the top of the bed was a thin pillow. "Now I know why it's called jail." I said to no one in particular. "They keep you as uncomfortable as possible." In disgust I dropped the blanket back down onto the bed.

Just then I heard running footsteps and a yelling voice. A voice I would know anywhere. "I don't care about your damn procedures; I'm going to see my wife." I heard Hawk yell. Then I heard his footsteps.

It didn't click that he had called me his wife. All I knew was that he was here. He hadn't abandoned me. Then suddenly he was really there. He was standing on the outside of the bars looking in at me. "Crystal..." he said grasping the bars.

I didn't say a word, just jumped up then ran over to the bars. I wrapped my arms as far around him as I could while I pressed my head against the bars wishing it was his chest. I felt his arms go around me. "Hawk, oh Hawk." I cried trying to get as close to him as I could, while tears ran down my cheeks.

"Shhhh....It's okay baby." He crooned, stroking my back as he kissed my hair, my eyes, and then finally my lips. At least the best he could with bars between us. Finally he pulled back looking me in the eye. "Are you okay? They didn't hurt you did they?"

I shook my head as I wiped my nose on my shirt sleeve. "No I'm fine. Just scared." I reached out for him again.

He gathered me into his arms. "Don't worry baby. We are working on getting you out of here."

"Mr. Wallace is on his way."

It was then that I realized my mother was standing there. Pulling back just a bit but still holding onto Hawk, I looked at her. "Mr. Wallace? As in Derek Wallace? The lawyer who handled you and dad's divorce?"

Mom nodded. "He is also a good friend of the family. He does everything from political law down to criminal law. Wherever he can get his money. If anyone can get you out of here he can."

I nodded. "Amy said you called someone as you and Hawk left the house. She didn't know who though."

Hawk looked at me. "Mom called Mr. Wallace as soon as they took you out of the house. He said he would check into what the DA has on you then get down here as soon as possible. He's going to talk to the DA and see if we can't get you out on bail."

Just then voices came down the hall. "Alright you two. We have visitor rooms, you're not supposed to be here by the cells. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I looked at the man talking. He was a portly man, about 50 or 60 with thinning gray hair. I guessed he was the warden.

Hawk's arms tightened around me. "I'm not leaving my wife.

The warden looked at Hawk, saw the determination on his face and cracked a smile. "I'm sorry son but there isn't anything you can do for her right now. Her lawyer is waiting to see her." He reached up and put a hand on Hawk's shoulder. "If she is truly innocent, her lawyer will get her out of here. But I have to ask you guys to leave. You can either leave quietly on your own or I can have you escorted out." His eyes took on a dark glare. "Unless of course you would like to share a cell with your wife."

I put my hand on Hawk's chest, holding it there until he looked at me. "Go home Hawk. Our son doesn't need both his parents in jail."

"I can't just leave you here." There was pain in his voice.

Reaching up, I put my hand on his face. He closed his eyes, holding my hand there. "There's nothing you can do. I'm innocent, you know that. Mr. Wallace knows that. He will get me out of here. You need to let him do his job."

He opened his eyes. They were wracked with pain. "I love you." He whispered. Then leaning forward he kissed me gently before pulling away. He put his arm around mom's shoulders then they turned away.

"I love you to." I called as they walked down the hall.

Hawk stopped, turning back to look at me. He had a soft smile on his face. He nodded then continued walking. It looked as if he was holding my mother up. I watched them the best I could until they were out of sight, then continued watching until I heard the door close. Then I turned to the warden.

"No funny business now." He said as he opened the door to my cell. He nodded to the officer next to him. It was a young woman officer. I guessed she was about 30 with blonde hair. Once the door was open she moved slowly up behind me as if expecting me to attack her or something. Once she was behind me, I felt my arms gently pulled behind my back and flinched when I heard the click of the handcuffs.

Once I was secure, she grasped my arm, leading me back down the hall the way we came. When we got past the door leading to the cells, we took a right. I walked for about 2 or 3 minutes before I was stopped in front of a closed door. The officer holding me opened the door, and then pushed me inside. Once again I felt like I was in a movie. There was a table with four chairs around it. On the left wall was a mirror. I figured it was a two way mirror and that there were probably officers on the other side of it. Off in one corner was a video camera on a tripod.

The officer led me to a chair on the other side of the table then took of the handcuffs before pushing me into it. Then she moved over to the door. My first thought about Mr. Wallace was that he didn't look like any lawyer I had ever seen whether on TV or real life. He was a man in his mid to late 30's with coal black hair, which rested against his shoulders and brown eyes. He was dressed in blue jeans and a flannel shirt. I had a feeling that if I looked under the table I would find him in cowboy boots. "This is the man who is going to save my life?" I wondered to myself. Then I remembered that he had made sure that mom got what was coming to her during the divorce. I suddenly relaxed.

"Hi Crystal. I'm Derek Wallace. I will be your attorney." He held out his left hand to me.

I looked at his hand, almost expecting to see rings on every finger. Instead there was only a gold wedding band. I shook his hand. "Hi Mr. Wallace." I licked my suddenly dry lips. "Do you think I'm innocent?"

He looked at me seriously for a minute and I felt like he could see into my soul. I forced myself to meet his gaze. "Yes I do." I released the breath I didn't realize I had been holding. "However, I will be honest. We have our work cut out for us. The prosecution has a pretty strong case against you. Luckily for us it is mainly circumstantial." When he smiled it lit up his whole face.

I nodded. "When can I go home?"

His face was all seriousness again. "Unfortunately you are to remain in jail until the arraignment on Monday morning at 9:00."

My heart sank. "Monday? That's two days from now."

He nodded. "Yes I know." He had taken some papers out of his briefcase. "Unfortunately with it being a Saturday night and so late, there isn't a judge that will sign off of your bail."

"What is my bail?" I asked nervously. Hawk and I had some money saved up. Hopefully it would be enough.

He looked at me seriously again. Then he sighed. "The DA agreed to $25,000.00 bail and house arrest until the trial."

"$25,000.00?" I sat back in my chair. Hawk and I had nowhere near that much. How were we supposed to come up with that kind of money?

Mr. Wallace nodded. "And house arrest until the trial. I had to talk fast to get him to agree to that. He was asking for $75,000 dollars bail. I had to agree to the house arrest to get him to lower the bail."

I looked at him. "House arrest? Why?"

"He seems to think you're a flight risk."

I looked at him in shock for a minute, and then suddenly burst out laughing. "Yea right. Where am I supposed to go? It's not like I can leave the country."

A small smile crept over his face before he became serious again. "No that's true. But you can take off for LA. He knows you have friends down there."

I hadn't even thought of that. "Yea okay, I guess he has a point there."

Mr. Wallace nodded again. He dug into his briefcase again coming out with a notepad and pen. Opening the folder he looked at me. "I need to know everything that happened to you from the time you left the mall yesterday until you were arrested today. Whenever possible I need times. Where you were, what you were doing. If we are going to prove you didn't kill Ms. Rodriguez, we need to have all the facts."

I nodded then started talking, trying to remember what had all happened between yesterday and today. "I left the mall around 1:30, coming straight home. I arrived home around 1:45, took a shower, ate something then sat on the couch watching TV. After a while I wrapped Hawk's birthday present." Mr. Wallace nodded as he started writing on the pad in front of him.

"Go on."

I took a breath. "Well let's see. I laid down on the couch and I must have fallen asleep."

He looked up at me. "What time was this?"

I thought about that for a minute. "Probably around 3 or 3:30."

He nodded again. "When I woke up it was quarter to five. I knew Hawk would be home soon, so I went into the kitchen to start dinner."

He continued writing, not looking at me. "What time did Hawk get home?"

"About 5 after 5."

He looked up at me. "So you were home from..." He looked down at the tablet in front of him. "1:45pm until 5:05pm when Hawk got home." I nodded. "Was anyone there with you?"

I looked at him nervously as I shook my head. "No, I was alone."

He nodded, scribbled on his pad again, and then looked at me. "Did you talk to anyone while you were at home? Make any phone calls? Did you notice if any of your neighbors saw you come home? Anyone who can corroborate your story?"

Again I shook my head. "No. I didn't call anyone. Our neighbors on both sides of us work during the day and the old lady across the street is in Florida visiting her daughter."

Mr. Wallace, put his pen down on the tablet then rubbed his eyes with his hand. "This doesn't sound good for me does it?"

He looked at me. "To be honest. No it doesn't. According to the police report Ms. Rodriguez was killed sometime between 2:30 and 4:00 yesterday afternoon. Her mother found her body this morning when she arrived home from spending the night over at her sisters with her grandchildren." He reached out and grasped my hand. "Crystal, you have no alibi and you have a motive."

I pulled my hand roughly from his. "What motive? I never wanted Sheila dead."

Again he looked at the report in front of him. "The DA has two eye witnesses who will testify that you threatened to kill Ms. Rodriguez just a couple of hours before she died. Also he has 4 other witnesses from the mall that not only saw you fighting with the victim outside in the parking lot but saw you pull her out of the mall."

My eyes suddenly filled with tears. "Mr. Wallace, I didn't do this. I swear I didn't."

He patted my hand. "I'm sure you didn't. But unless the real killer happens to turn himself or herself in, the odds don't look to be going in your favor at the moment."

I sat there in shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "There has to be something we can do."

He looked at me, then down at the police report. "Ms. Rodriguez was stabbed 7 times in the back with a kitchen knife. A knife from her kitchen no less. The police think she knew her attacker because the door wasn't broken in. She was found in a pile of blood in the kitchen." He showed me pictures of Sheila's body. I could see the blood pooling around her, see the marks on her back where someone had stabbed her repeatedly. Without warning, I turned my head and proceeded to puke all over the floor. Mr. Wallace didn't even flinch. When I finished, he handed me a handkerchief then waited until I composed myself before speaking again. "Mrs. Johnson, Ms. Rodriguez's next door neighbor head shouting coming from the house next door around 2:00 yesterday afternoon. She was used to Mrs. Rodriguez and Ms. Rodriguez fighting so she didn't think anything of it. Although she did remember seeing what she thought was a young woman leaving the house a little while later. She was dressed in blue jeans, with a hooded sweatshirt. The hood was covering her face. The strange part was she didn't run from the house but walked away as if she was just over for a visit. She said she thought this was about 4:30 but she couldn't be sure."

I nodded; I was suddenly in a daze. Then suddenly I thought of something. "You said they found the murder weapon. If they got the prints off it, they could prove it wasn't me."

Mr. Wallace shook his head. "Whoever did this knew what they were doing. They washed up in the bathroom sink; the police think they used the washer to wash the blood off their clothes because there was blood in the washer. Also whoever it was wore gloves."

My heart sank. This was sounding worse and worse. "After Hawk returned home last night, were you alone at all until the police arrested you today?"

I thought about that for a minute. "No. My friends from LA showed up last night. We stayed up talking till around 3 this morning. We got up around 11, went out for breakfast, then went back home. My family showed up around 2:00 for Hawk's birthday party. Everyone was still at the house when the police arrested me."

Mr. Wallace started scribbling again. "Who all was there? I need names."

I tried to think. "Well, Hawk and I were there, along with my son John." I stopped for a minute. "My friends from LA, Amy and Jericho Monroe were there. Um...My brother Robert Miller and his wife Suzanne were there, along with my mother and her husband."

He looked over his notes. "Okay, so from 5:05pm yesterday until when...? When did your friends show up from LA?"

"Well..." I tried to think. "Hawk had only been home about 5 or 10 minutes when they showed up. So I would say around 5:15."

He scribbled that down on the pad. "Okay. So from 1:45pm until 5:05pm yesterday you were at the house by yourself?" I nodded. He looked back down at the pad. "At 5:05pm, Hawk arrived home. He had been home around 10 minutes or so when your friends from LA showed up?" Again I nodded. Again he looked at the pad. "At around 2:00 this afternoon, your mother, father..."

"Stepfather..." I said automatically.

He looked up at me. "Stepfather." He corrected, "Your son, brother and his wife arrived for the party?"

"Yes."

"Was anyone else there from the time your friends arrived last night, until your family arrived today?"

"No."

He nodded then scribbled on the pad again. "Can they verify that you were at the house all night?"

"Yes."

Mr. Wallace sighed. "This might help. Apparently the police think the killer came back." I looked at him aghast. "Yes I know. But Mrs. Johnson was out on her porch around 8:00 last night. She saw a woman that looked an awful lot like the woman who was there before show up at the door. She went back inside then so she assumed that whoever was in the house let her in."

Suddenly I got excited. "But that proves it wasn't me. I was home with Hawk and my friends last night around 8:00; we were watching a movie on TV.

"Don't get your hopes up to high. She said it looked like the same girl but she couldn't be positive. Also the DA might try to say that you sent someone else to make sure that Ms. Rodriguez was dead, so you would have an alibi."

My elation suddenly shattered. "So there isn't any way to prove I didn't do it?"

He looked at me seriously. "I won't lie to you. Like I said, the DA has a pretty strong case. A few things might go in our favor. #1. That most of the evidence is circumstantial. #2. Mrs. Johnson is an old woman and she doesn't have the best eyesight. It is very unlikely that if she was actually asked to make a positive id that you were the woman she saw, that she would be able to."




The Long Road Back Ch. 11



I nodded trying to hold back tears.

"Tell me what the fight with Ms. Rodriguez was about?" he said looking at me with pen in hand.

I thought about that for a minute. "She told me she sold drugs now, she asked me to buy some from her." I hit myself over the head trying to remember. It seemed like a lot longer ago then yesterday. "She told me I looked snazzy. I told her that I had grown up, maybe she should. Then she hit me."

He scribbled on his paper. "Why did you threaten her?"

Again I tried to remember. "She told me that the day I came over to her house, she should have let her brother rape me."

He looked at me. "When was this?"

"Seven years ago when I was 17." I looked at him. "Does that matter?"

He shrugged. "Who knows what the DA is going to try to pull out of his sleeves. I'm just trying to get all the facts. Why did you go over to her house that day seven years ago?"

"I found out my parents were divorcing. I went over because she was my friend. She got me into drugs and alcohol."

He nodded. "The DA might try to pull on that if he somehow knows about it. He could use it as a motive, saying that you have held a grudge against Sheila for the past 7 years."

"But I haven't." I protested.

He looked at me, and then went back to scribbling. "Like I said. Just trying to get all the facts. Do you know if Sheila had any enemies?"

I shook my head. "I hadn't seen her in seven years before yesterday. She did tell me that she had left her husband and that she was selling drugs now to make money. Maybe she sold something to the wrong person, or her husband wanted to her dead."

He started writing again. "Do you know Ms. Rodriguez's husbands name?"

I shook my head. "No, she never told me."

Mr. Wallace nodded again. "I have an appointment to talk to Mrs. Rodriguez tomorrow. I could probably find out about her daughters husband from her." He looked down at the pad he had been scribbling on. "Well I think that is about all I need to know for now." He looked at me. "You will be pleading 'not guilty' at the trial?"

I looked at him affronted. "Of course."

He nodded. "Sorry Mrs. Anderson, it is something I have to ask. I just nodded. "I will inform Mrs. Daniels and Mr. Anderson of what the DA has agreed to. Hopefully they can work out some way to pay your bail so when it is taken care of Monday at the arraignment; you can make bail and go home."

I nodded, and then it clicked what he had said. "No...Anderson is my ex-husbands name. He was killed almost a year ago in a car accident."

Mr. Wallace looked down at his notes. "So this...Hawk...isn't your husband?"

"No...he's my boyfriend."

He nodded. "What is Hawk's last name?"

"Mitchell." I responded. "His last name is Mitchell."

Mr. Wallace wrote that down, and then stood up. This seemed to be the cop who was standing by the doors cue, because she quickly moved in behind me, making sure not to step in the mess I had made. She grabbed my arm, pulling me up then pulled my hands behind my back so she could cuff me again. Mr. Wallace was almost to the door, when he suddenly turned back towards me. "The police told me you talked to them earlier before I arrived. I recommend that you don't speak to anyone else unless I am present."

I nodded. "Does what I told them make a difference? I told them I didn't do it, that was about it."

He nodded. "I don't think it will affect the case one way or the other. But from now on, no talking to the police, the DA or anyone else like that unless I am with you. Understand?"

I nodded. He waved to me then walked out of the room.

The cop led me back to my cell. As I heard the door close, I wondered if I would spend the rest of my life in jail or be killed for a crime I didn't commit.

* * *

The rest of that night and the next day seemed to creep by. After the cop left me, I lay down on the cot and stared off into space. I never noticed when they turned the lights off. I just continued to stare at the ceiling in the darkness. Finally around dawn I slept more from exhaustion or anything. The next day I lay on the cot. Barely moving. I went to eat at meal time, went to the bathroom when I had to but other then that I just lay on that cot, I wondered if I would ever see Hawk and John again? If I would ever be able to hold them in my arms again. Sunday night, I cried myself to sleep.



Monday morning I woke up to sunshine shining in the bars of my only window. I sat up on the bed, then moved over to the toilet, did my business then splashed water on my face. Last night one of the guards arrived at my cell with a brown paper bag. She had slipped it through the bars. "A present from your husband." She said dropping it at my feet then walking away.

Kneeling down, I opened the bag. There was a pair of black slacks, a white dress shirt, a bra, underwear and nylons in the bag as well as a pair of my heels. "Well at least I won't show up in court dressed in jeans and a sweater." I thought to myself as I moved back over to the bunk. This morning, I pulled the bag out from under the bed, stripped off my clothes, washed up the best I could in the cold water from the sink then put the clothes on that Hawk had sent me. I took the clothes I had been wearing and put them in the bag. Then I waited for the guard to take me to the arraignment. The same female guard I had seen quite a bit over the past day and a half came to my cell a little after 8 to take me to breakfast. I just sat staring at my corn flakes. I couldn't eat. My stomach was so full of butterflies. When she realized I wasn't going to eat, she took me back to my cell. At 10 minutes to nine, she came back again, this time leading me to the courtroom.

I walked into the courtroom from a door by the witness chair. Mr. Wallace was sitting at the defense table looking much different then he had the night he came to question me. He was dressed in a suit and tie, his hair brushed neatly back off his face. I glance behind him. Sitting in the front row, was mom, Jeff, Robert, Suzanne, and Hawk. I smiled at them but when I opened my mouth to speak to them, Mr. Wallace shook his head. I just nodded then let the cop lead me over to the table. After she took the cuffs off, I sat down next to Mr. Wallace. That was when I noticed the person sitting at the other table. The man looked to be in his mid 50's. He had blonde hair streaked with gray. Like Mr. Wallace he was dressed in a suit and tie. I didn't get to look at him much after that because just then the bailiff walked in. "Please rise. The honorable Judge Amanda McKenzie residing."

I stood up, resting my hands on the table before me. I thought the judge looked a little young to be a judge. She didn't look a day past 30. Her strawberry blonde hair was pulled back sternly from her face. Her violet eyes scanned the room as she sat down. "Please be seated." I quietly sat back down beside Mr. Wallace.

"First case Mr. Thompson." She said looking at the bailiff.

"State versus Crystal Anderson, Murder in the first degree." He laid a file down on her desk.

She barely looked at it. Her eyes were fixed on me. "Mrs. Anderson, please stand."

Mr. Wallace and I stood up. She glanced down at the folder in front of her. "You have been accused of murdering Ms. Sheila Rodriguez, age 24 and residing at..." She read of Sheila's address." Then looked at me again. "How do you plead?"

"Not guilty, your honor." I said glad my voice didn't crack.

"So noted." She looked at the DA. "Mr. Palestine. I understand a bail bargain has been requested?"

"Yes ma'am. The state considers Mrs. Anderson a flight risk. We have asked for a $25,000.00 bail as well as house arrest until the trial."

The judge wrote on a pad in front of her then looked at her computer screen. "So noted. I have read over all the reports and believe that there is enough evidence for this case to go to trial. I am setting the trial date at February 12th at 9:00AM." I sighed. That was almost a month away. If I could get out of jail I had a month to figure out who actually killed Sheila and why. Then the judge started speaking again. "Also, it is so ordered that bail for Mrs. Anderson is set at $25,000.00. A bail bondsman is available if needed. If Mrs. Anderson is able to achieve bail she will be under house arrest until the time of the trial. Court dismissed." She banged her gavel on the bench.

I looked at Mr. Wallace. "That is pretty much what I figured would happen."

The female cop came over and put the handcuffs on me again. As I was led out of the courtroom, I turned back to look at my family. "Don't worry baby, we'll come up with the money somehow." Hawk called. I just nodded then followed the police woman.



I had been back in my cell about an hour when the same female police officer opened the door. "Come on, your out of here."

I stood up from the bunk. "What?" I asked almost afraid it was a lie.

She smiled. The first time she had actually smiled since I met her. "Someone posted your bail."

I quickly grabbed the bag off of the cot, and then followed her back to the police station. The first person I saw was Hawk. I smiled at him, and then ran into his waiting arms. His arms tightened around me. "Not so fast miss; there are a few things you need to sign and your house arrest needs to be arranged."

I turned to look at the portly officer sitting behind the desk. I moved out of Hawk's arms but felt comforted when his arm rested around my waist. I signed the papers I needed to sign then found out how my house arrest would work. 

The officer asked if there was a back door. I told him that yes, but it led into a fenced in back yard (a fence that was 6ft high) and the only way in or out was through the house. He seemed satisfied. "You do realize that if you break your house arrest you will be back in jail until the trial?" He asked me.

"Yes sir. I understand." He nodded. He slipped an EMD (Electronic Monitoring device) around my ankle and I looked at it then looked at him. "Not that we don't trust you." He said with a smile. "But convicts have a habit of slipping past the officers at the door. This will arm itself as soon as you step foot in your house. If you so much as step outside the threshold, it will go off and an alarm will go off down here."

I looked at the collar then nodded. Then I wrapped my arm around Hawk's waist, and we walked out of the police station. Not noticing the two officers that followed at a discreet distance.

Once we were in the car I turned to Hawk. "How did you raise the money? Did you go to a bail bondsman?"

Hawk shook his head. "Honey, I didn't do it. I got a call as soon as we got home from the arraignment saying that I could come pick you up. That your bail had been paid."

I looked at him in shock. "But if you guys didn't pay it who did?"

Hawk started the car as he shrugged. "I don't know."

I sat there for a minute as we pulled out into traffic, trying to figure out who had paid my bail. Then I shook my head. I would think about that later. I was going home, that's all I cared about. "Let's go home Hawk." I said putting my hand on his knee. "I am in desperate need of a shower."

Hawk just laughed.

TO BE CONTINUED:



The Long Road Back Ch. 12



Saturday, January 18th Hawk's POV

I couldn't believe I just walked out of the police station while the woman I loved was sitting in a jail cell charged with murder. I looked over at Crystal's mom. "Don't worry dear. We'll get her out somehow."

I just nodded. My mind went back to earlier that day. Everything had been going great. Everybody who had been invited to my birthday party had shown up. Suzanne and Robert bought me shirts, JoAnne and Jeff bought me a book I had been wanting. Amy and Jericho got me a couple of movies. John had even given me a present, a picture of me, Crystal and John together that he had drawn himself. 

The present I prized the most was the one from Crystal. It was a clock in the shape of a hawk. When I first opened it, I wanted to scold her. I knew how much the clock had cost. I had been eying it the week before. But then I reconsidered, Crystal must really love me to spend that much money on me.

The last month had been perfect. Crystal and I had been getting along great. She still sometimes got that faraway look in her eyes but the times it happened were fewer and fewer. When the cops showed up, saying Crystal was under arrest for murder. I couldn't believe my ears. There was no way. I wanted to throttle the cop that dared put his hands on the woman I love. I wanted to grab Crystal and run away.

Instead, I stood there watching as she was pulled from the house. I stood there in a daze the house was in chaos but I didn't hear any of it. I didn't hear Amy crying out that there had to be a mistake. I didn't hear John at the window, screaming for his mom. I didn't hear JoAnne calling her lawyer. I didn't hear any of this. 

I just stood there staring at the door. Suddenly I felt a hand on my arm. Turning I looked at JoAnne. "Hawk, Crystal needs you to be strong. You can't fall apart on me now. We need to go down to the police station. Find out what the deal is."

I nodded. Grabbing my car keys off the coffee table I looked at Suzanne. She was holding a struggling John. "Take care of him." She nodded. I took John from her arms, holding him close.

"Daddy, where's mama going?" He cried trying to struggle out of my arms.

I just held him closer. "Mama had to go away for a while. But she will be home soon."

John stopped struggling to get away. Instead he looked into my eyes. "Did mama go on vacation?"

I forced a smile. JoAnne was right, I had to be strong. "Yes son, mama went on vacation. I need to go somewhere with Grandma, so I need you to listen to Aunt Suzanne and Uncle Robert and daddy's friends. Okay?"

He hugged me. "Okay daddy." I kissed his cheek then set him on his feet. As he moved over by Amy, I laughed at his words. "When mama comes home I hope she brings me a present."

15 minutes later, JoAnne and I were standing at the front desk at the police station arguing with the officer behind the counter. "What do you mean I can't see my wife?" I barked for the third time.

The officer looked like he was trying to control his temper. "Look sir, I have told you three times. The only person you wife can see right now is either whoever is bailing her out or her lawyer. Since it is..." He looked at the clock. "5:00 on a Saturday night I don't expect you will be bailing her out tonight. Go home. She will be fine. You can come see her tomorrow or Monday."

It took all my willpower not to wrap my hands around his throat. "Come on Hawk. Let's go. We will just have to hope Mr. Wallace can get her out on bail." JoAnne touched my arm.

"I am not leaving here without seeing her." I growled.

The officer I had been talking to, turned away to deal with someone else. Just then I saw a guard coming out of the locked area where the cells were. I looked at JoAnne who nodded then took off running, grabbing the gate before it could shut. The officer there grabbed my arm but I just shook him off then took off down the hallway looking for Crystal. "Hey, you can't be in here. We have procedures." The officer at the gate had followed me.

"I don't care about your procedures. I'm not leaving until I see my wife." I continued down the hall, looking at every cell until I found Crystal's. "Crystal..." I said leaning against the bars.

I watched as she came to me. When she wrapped her arms around me I grabbed a hold of her tightly. My arms slipped through the bars so I could hold her. I kissed her forehead. "Hawk, oh Hawk." She cried moving closer to the bars. I wanted to scream and break down the bars that separated us.

"Shhhhhh....It's okay baby," I crooned, stroking her back as I kissed her hair, her eyes, then finally her lips. Finally I pulled back looking her in the eye. "Are you okay? They didn't hurt you did they?"

She shook her head. "No I'm fine, just scared." She reached out for me again.

I gathered her into my arms holding her tightly. "Don't worry baby. We are working on getting you out of here."

"Mr. Wallace is on his way."

I looked over at JoAnne then looked back to Crystal. For a moment I had forgotten the other woman was there.

. "Mr. Wallace? As in Derek Wallace, the lawyer who handled you and dad's divorce?" Crystal asked.

Mom nodded. "He is also a good friend of the family. He does everything from political law down to criminal law. Where ever he can get his money. If anyone can get you out of here he can."

She nodded. "Amy said you called someone as you and Hawk left the house. She didn't know who though."

I pulled her close to me again, afraid to let her go. "Mom called Mr. Wallace as soon as they took you out of the house. He said he would check into what the DA has on you then get down here as soon as possible. He's going to talk to the DA and see if we can't get you out on bail."

Just then voices came down the hall. "Alright you two, we have visitor rooms, your not supposed to be here by the cells. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I tore my eyes away from Crystal.

Glaring at the warden, I instinctively tightened my arms around her. "I'm not leaving my wife.

The warden looked at me, saw the determination on my face and cracked a smile. "I'm sorry son but there isn't anything you can do for her right now. Her lawyer is waiting to see her." He reached up and put a hand on my shoulder, it took all my control not to shake it off. "If she is truly innocent, her lawyer will get her out of here. But I have to ask you guys to leave. You can either leave quietly on your own or I can have you escorted out." His eyes took on a dark glare. "Unless of course you would like to share a cell with your wife."

I felt Crystal's hand on my chest. Pulling my eyes away from the warden I looked at her. "Go home Hawk. Our son doesn't need both his parents in jail."

She was right, I knew she was but the thought of leaving her just tore me in two. "I can't just leave you here." I heard my voice crack.

Reaching up, she put her hand on my face. I closed my eyes, holding her hand there while I inhaled her scent. Crystal always had a scent that was just her. She always smelled like lemons and roses. "There's nothing you can do. I'm innocent, you know that. Mr. Wallace knows that. He will get me out of here. You need to let him do his job."

I opened my eyes. "I love you." I whispered. Then leaning forward I kissed her gently before pulling away. I put my arm around JoAnne's shoulders. She leaned against me as if she couldn't hold herself up. I led her back down the hallway.

"I love you to." I turned back to look at her, I smiled softly, at her words. Lifting my hand, I waved once then led mom out of the police station.

Once we were back in the car, JoAnne laid her head against the back of the seat, closing her eyes.

* * *

I woke up Sunday morning with my head pounding. "How much did I drink last night?" I asked sitting up gingerly.

"Well, let's see. You went through about half the bottle of JD that Robert brought for your birthday as a joke. Plus three six packs. You were pretty wasted last night Hawk." I felt a warm cup pushed into my hand. Opening my eyes slowly, I looked up at Amy. She was standing in front of the couch where I had passed out.

"JD?" I tried to think as I took a small sip of the hot coffee. "That's right. Robert knows I don't drink anymore. I haven't for quite a while. He handed it to me saying that if I ever decided to have a drink again that he wanted the first one to be on him."

I didn't remember much from the night before. JoAnne and I had returned from the police station. We told everyone what the cops said. Then I told mom and Jeff to take John to their place until we got Crystal home. I had expected an argument. Instead, they said their goodbyes, John gave me a hug, and then they left. Okay got that much. What happened next? I shook my head just a bit trying to clear it and moaned.

"Don't do that Hawk. It's not going to help your head." I smiled weakly up at Amy.

After JoAnne and Jeff left, I remembered opening the JD bottle. Jericho had said something about going to the store. I took a long swig from the bottle, and then proceeded to drink myself into oblivion. "Did Robert and Suzanne finally leave?" I asked suddenly remembering they had been there most of the night.

"They are in crashed on your bed."

I laughed which made my head throb even more. Holding it with one hand, I looked down at my coffee cup. "You guys should have put them in John's bed. You and Jericho need more room."

Amy laughed. I looked at her, watching as she slowly lowered herself to the couch beside me. "Don't worry, even with my big belly, Jericho and I can fit on a twin bed. Believe me, we've slept on worse."

I just nodded my head very slowly then took another drink of my coffee. "What time is it?"

"A little after 9." Just then the doorbell rang.

"OH GOD." I moaned as the ringing went straight through my head.

"I'll get it." I watched Amy pull herself up then went back to looking at my cup.

All was quiet for about 30 seconds. Then I heard a loud, male voice. "Where is Crystal? What is this about her being arrested for murder? She wouldn't hurt a fly."

I heard Amy respond quietly but couldn't make out her words. Then the male voice started again. "I don't care who hears me. I want to know where Crystal is."

I heard Amy speaking quietly again then suddenly she called out "Hey." That made me look up.

A man I would say in his early to mid 20's push his way past Amy into the house. He was of medium build with sandy brown hair and sparkling blue eyes. He eyed me a minute then looked around the room. "Where's Crystal?" He asked looking back at me.

Setting the coffee cup down on the coffee table, I slowly stood up. "Crystal is in jail. Who the hell are you and what are you doing busting into my house at 9:00 in the morning?"

He scrutinized me for a minute then seemed to come to a decision. "Um...I'm Terry...Terry Wilson. I was Crystal's boyfriend back in high school." He swallowed awkwardly. "Are you Crystal's husband?"

I shook my head, ignoring the pain that went through it. "Not exactly, or I should say, not yet."

He looked at me quizzically for a minute then his face broke into a half smile. "She said no...or you haven't asked yet?"

I wasn't sure if I liked this guy. He seemed to readily able to read people. Picking up my coffee cup, I took a small drink then looked at him. "I haven't asked yet."

"Ah."

I looked at him again. "Is there a particular reason you are here?"

That got his attention. "I...I uh...I came to help Crystal. I know she didn't kill that girl. Sheila was trouble and I'm not sorry she's dead, but I know Crystal didn't do it."

"How do you even know about it?" I turned to look at Amy since she was the one who asked the question.

Terry looked at her. "It was on the news last night."

"Bad news travels fast." I said sitting back down on the couch.

Just then I heard a voice coming from the doorway to my bedroom. I turned to look at Robert and Suzanne standing there. "Terry...Terry Wilson? Is that you? What are you doing here?" Robert asked.

Terry smiled at him. "Hey Robert."

"He's come to help prove Crystal's innocence." I said not looking at them but at my cup.

Just then I heard Robert chuckle. "How's your head this morning Hawk?"

I glared at my brother. "Hurts like hell. What did you let me drink so much last night for?"

Suzanne stepped in front of Robert. "Don't blame us. We tried three different times to get that bottle away from you. When you growled at us the last time we gave up. When you passed out, I pried it out of your fingers."

I looked at her through half closed eyes, and then took another drink of my coffee. "We have to get Crystal out of jail." I said to no one in particular.

"Mom called last night." Robert said sitting down on the couch next to me. "I guess Mr. Wallace called her. Crystal is stuck where she is until the arraignment tomorrow. Also we have another problem. According to Mr. Wallace, we are looking at $25,000 bail."

I looked at him. "$25,000?" He nodded his head solemnly.

Putting the coffee cup down, I buried my head in my hands. "Where are we going to come up with that kind of money? Between Crystal and me we only have a little over $5,000 saved up."

I felt Robert's hand on my shoulder. "I don't know buddy. We don't have that kind of money and I know that mom doesn't. When dad left he left us each 10,000. He told mom that she wouldn't see another cent from him. She tried to argue in court but it didn't go much further. The judge agreed to dad paying child support but that's it. As it is, I don't know if he ever paid child support on Crystal when she went into foster care or not."

"Wow...$25,000. I have a little money saved up but nowhere near that much." I looked over at Terry. He was pacing in front of the coffee table. Who was this man from Crystal's past? Why had he shown up suddenly so willing to help us help her? What did he want?"

"I'm sure that Crystal would be glad you are here to help anyway, Terry." I heard Robert say. I looked at him then looked back to Terry.

Terry had stopped pacing and was standing sideways looking at Robert. "Yea well, I don't know about that. We didn't exactly break up as the best of friends."

I looked at him for a minute then shrugged my shoulders. I wouldn't worry about him right now. We had to concentrate on how to prove Crystal was innocent. "If we can't get Crystal out of jail then we need to find out who killed Sheila." I looked around the room. Everybody was nodding. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to go take a shower, and then Robert, Terry and I are going to go ask some questions." I turned to look at Amy and Suzanne. "Suzanne, you start making some phone calls, see if you can figure out who might hate Sheila enough to kill her." Suzanne nodded. She had lived here long enough to get the local gossip pretty quick.

"What can I do?" Amy asked.

I looked at my childhood friend. "I need you to call Nancy and Andrew. See if they can come up. We're going to need all the support we can get." She nodded then waddled towards the bedroom. "Where's Jericho?"

Amy turned back to look at me. "He went to the store. He should be back in a little while."

I just nodded then headed towards the bathroom my face full of determination.

By the end of the day, my determination had turned into frustration. We were no closer to finding out who killed Sheila then we had been this morning. Terry, Robert and I had prowled Sheila's neighborhood. Talking to anyone we could find. It turned out that Sheila had a lot of enemies. She had run with a gang for a while before she left town. We tried to talk to her mother, but she just slammed the door in our faces.

We talked to Sheila's neighbor; she told us the same thing she had told the police. I shivered when she described the woman she saw. She had the same build and hair color as Crystal. "A woman with the same build and hair color as Crystal?" Robert asked later that night as we sat at the house.

"Sounds like a frame up job to me." Suzanne replied snuggling into Robert's shoulder.

"Yea but who would want to frame Crystal? And why?" I looked at Terry. I wanted to know the same thing. Suddenly I looked over at my sister and brother.

"Who's watching the baby?" I asked trying to smother a yawn.

"Our next door neighbor; when we explained the situation to her, she told us to take all the time we needed that Rose would be just fine." I nodded again trying to stifle a yawn. Robert looked at me. "Hawk, go to bed. There isn't anything else we can do tonight. You need to be rested for the arraignment tomorrow."

I looked at him then slowly nodded. "Um...You and Suzanne can crash in John's room, Amy and Jericho can crash here on the couch." I looked over at Terry. "Are you staying?"

He looked at me for a minute. "I don't know. I mean it is kind of late to drive home and I would like to see Crystal if you can somehow get her out of jail." He looked down at the floor. "But at the same time, I know you don't want me here."

I heard Robert start to protest but I quickly cut him off. "Your right, I don't want you here." Terry looked up at me. "I don't know why you have suddenly decided to make amends with Crystal after seven years." He opened his mouth to say something then quickly closed it. I continued as if he hadn't opened his mouth. "I mean if you have it in your head to try to win her back..."

Terry suddenly put up his hand. "No...No...No, You've got it all wrong. That isn't why I'm here." He blushed a bright red. "You see...Um...I'm gay."

That blew the wind out of my sails big time. "You're what?"

"I'm gay." Terry's face was about as red as a tomato. "That is why Crystal and I broke up. I discovered that I was gay while I was dating her."

I looked over at Robert, his face showed as much shock as I'm sure mine did. "Oh." Was all I could think to say.

Terry chuckled. "Yea, I've got a boyfriend, Mitch. We live together." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, when I told him that I wanted to try to help Crystal and that I wanted to try to make amends with her, he told me to go for it." His blush increased. "He's a really great guy."

I suddenly smiled. I wasn't sure I knew how to smile anymore. "I would like to meet him sometime."

Terry looked at me in surprise. "Really?"

I nodded. "I've got to meet the guy who turned you away from a woman like Crystal."

Terry's face turned even brighter. "No...It's not like...Um..." Finally he mumbled something about him and Mitch hadn't been together that long. "We've only been together a couple of years."

Walking over, I put my hand on his shoulder. "Terry, I was kidding." He looked up at me. "If you want to stay that's fine. Although the only place left is in bed with me." I looked at him.

He suddenly put up his hands. "I promise to keep my hands to myself. Not only are you not my type, but I am a one man guy."

I nodded solemnly, said goodnight to everyone then led the way to my bedroom. Closing the door behind Terry and I, I moved over to my side of the bed, stripped down to my under shorts then crawled under the covers. I turned off the light after Terry climbed into bed. I noticed he kept as close to the edge as he dared. "I won't bite." I said.

"I know, I...." He sighed. "Goodnight Hawk."

"Goodnight." I did notice that he seemed to relax after that.

It wasn't long before I heard Terry snoring softly. Sleep for me didn't come as easily though. I was exhausted. Today had been a very frustrating day. Last night I had had an excuse, I had passed out. Tonight my mind was clear. I lay back on my pillow with my hands behind my head looking up at the mirror above the bed. This was the first time Crystal and I had slept apart since we got together. I stared up at the ceiling for a while, thinking about Crystal alone in her cell. I was wondering if she was having as much trouble sleeping as I was. Finally as the sun started to rise, I fell into a deep sleep.




The Long Road Back Ch. 12



I came awake with a start. "Who...what...What time is it?" I looked around the room. Robert was standing beside the bed looking at me and holding a steaming cup of coffee.

"Sorry to bother you buddy. But if you want to go to Crystal's arraignment, you got to get up."

I looked over at the other side of the bed. Terry was gone. Sitting up slowly I took the cup Robert handed me. "What time is it?"

"It's a little before 8." Robert sat down on the bed by my feet. "So how did you enjoy your night with another man?"

I glared at him as I took a sip of the coffee. I heard him chuckle so I looked at him. "Sorry man. I couldn't resist." Robert wiped a tear from his eye.

"You could have tried a little harder." I growled taking another sip of the hot coffee.

Robert just started laughing again. When he saw the look in my eyes, he sobered quickly. "Hmmm." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, the arraignment is at 9. Mom called a little while ago. They are on their way over."

I nodded. "Who is going to watch John? I don't want him there?"

"Amy said she and Jericho would." He looked at me seriously. "You've got some good friends in them.

I smiled. "Yea, I know. I've known Amy my whole life. We grew up next door to each other." I chuckled. "When she was about 16 or so I asked her out." I smiled at the memory. "She actually laughed at me." I looked at Robert. "Can you believe it? She laughed at me."

Robert just shook his head.

"Yea, at least she did at first. Then she got really serious and told me that as much as she appreciated it, she wouldn't go out with me because she thought of me as a big brother."

Robert nodded. "I can see the attraction. Even pregnant, she is a very good looking woman."

I glared at him. "Watch it buddy, you are married, and not to just anyone but my sister."

Robert held up his hands in mock surrender. "Easy big guy, I'm just saying. I have no plans to leave Suzanne. That woman is my soul mate. I love her more then life itself. Okay?"

I nodded. "Better not let Suzanne hear that you think another woman is good looking." I took another drink of the coffee.

Robert laughed. "According to your sister, I can look all I want. If I touch though, that's a different matter." I gave him a questioning look. He leaned closer as if imparting a grave secret. "Let's just say that Suzanne said if I ever touch another woman like I touch her, she will cut off..." he looked down at his crotch, then back to me. "Well let's just say she would cut it off."

I couldn't help it, I started laughing. I laughed so hard, I had to put the coffee down or wear it. "Now why doesn't that surprise me?" I said once I had finally started to calm down. I wiped tears from my eyes. "Oh, I love my sister, I really do. But in all honesty, I'm glad you are the one living with her."

Robert just nodded. "Well I will tell you one thing." I looked at him. "Your sister is one hell of a woman."

"That she is buddy." I said slapping him on the back. "That she is."

* * *

I was in the shower when JoAnne, Jeff and John arrived. I quickly, dressed, and shaved, then met them in the living room. "You look very nice Hawk." JoAnne said looking me over.

I looked down at the suit and tie I was wearing. "I figured I should. You know show my support and everything." JoAnne just nodded. I gave John a quick hug, and then looked at Crystal's family. "So we ready to go?" Everyone nodded. Amy gave me thumbs up, and then we left the house.

We had decided to go in Jeff's car. It was the only one that would fit the six of us. Once we were all in, we headed to the courthouse.

We arrived at the courthouse at 5 minutes till 9. Mr. Wallace was standing outside the courtroom looking over some papers. He looked up when we arrived. "Is everything okay, Mr. Wallace?" I asked once I got done shaking his hand.

He wiped his brow. "I'll be honest, Hawk. The odds are really stacked up against Crystal. But I do think we have a shot." I nodded. "Um...Hawk...can I talk to you for a minute?"

I looked at the lawyer then nodded. We moved over a few feet away from the others then he started to speak in a rapid whisper. "I have been looking over the witness list the DA gave me, in case this goes to trial. He is planning on calling you to the stand."

I looked at him in shock. "Me, why?"

Mr. Wallace shook his head. "I don't know; maybe because you are so close to Crystal. I also know that he is planning on calling her mother to the stand. I think he is planning on bringing up her drug days. You know try to get a motive out of all of this."

I looked over to where JoAnne stood next to Robert looking at the courtroom doors. "Have you told her yet?"

Mr. Wallace shook his head. "No, not yet, I thought it might be better coming from you." I nodded. "Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect." I nodded as I shook his hand.

"Thank you."

He nodded to. Then the doors to the courtroom opened. It was time. Walking back over to my party, I followed JoAnne and Jeff into the courtroom. Somehow I didn't like the odds of this turning out in our favor.

Suzanne, Robert, JoAnne, Jeff and I sat in the front row behind Mr. Wallace. While we waited for Crystal to be brought in, I looked over at the other side. There was a woman about 45 or so sitting in the front row next to a man. She was quietly weeping on his shoulder. I assumed this was Sheila's mother. She must have sensed me looking at her because her eyes met mine. There was pain in her eyes but I could also see anger. She glared at me for a minute then turned back to the front.

At that moment, Crystal walked into the courtroom. She was dressed in the clothes I had sent to her. I had asked Suzanne to bring them down last night when we got home. I knew if I brought them I would be sharing a cell with her. When she smiled at me, my heart melted. I loved her so much and knew somehow we would get through this. She opened her mouth to speak then quickly closed it and moved over to sit next to Mr. Wallace.

The arraignment was pretty straight forward. The judge talked, Mr. Wallace said his piece, the DA said his, and then it came down to the ruling.

"I have read over all the reports and believe that there is enough evidence for this case to go to trial. I am setting the trial date at February 12th at 9:00AM." I looked at the judge. A month, that gives us a month to find out who really killed Sheila. This was good. 

Then the judge started speaking again. "Also, it is so ordered that bail for Mrs. Anderson is set at $25,000. A bail bondsman is available if needed. If Mrs. Anderson is able to achieve bail she will be under house arrest until the time of the trial. Court dismissed." She banged her gavel on the bench.

As the judge's gavel hit the bench, my heart sank. I wanted to take Crystal home with me. I knew I couldn't handle spending a month away from her. We had to come up with the money somehow.

Suzanne, JoAnne, Robert and Jeff stood up. Realizing it was over; I stood to, shook Mr. Wallace's hand then watched as Crystal was led from the courtroom. When she turned back, her eyes met mine. Suddenly the words just slipped out of my mouth. "Don't worry baby, we'll come up with the money somehow."

She nodded then followed the police woman out of the courtroom. "We'll come up with the money somehow." I thought to myself as we made our way back to the car. "I just have no idea how."

We had barely walked in the door, when the phone rang. Walking over I picked it up. "Hello?"

"Is this Mr. Joshua Mitchell?"

I didn't recognize the voice on the phone. "Yes. Can I help you?" All the eyes around the room stared at me but I just ignored them.

"My name is Alisha Prescott. I'm a police officer down where your wife is being held. I just wanted to let you know that you can come pick her up."

"I can come pick her up?" I stared at the phone dumbfounded. "But, what about her bail?"

"It has already been taken care of. Your wife is free and would probably like to be picked up."

"I'll be right there." I slowly hung up the phone.

"What is going on?" Robert demanded.

I slowly turned to face them. "Crystal is out on bail. Someone paid her bail. I need to go pick her up."

Every face in the room, except one showed shock. "Someone paid her bail, who?" Suzanne asked looking around the room.

"I don't know." I didn't look at Suzanne. I was looking at JoAnne. "But you do, don't you mom?"

JoAnne just smiled serenely. "Well, I don't know anything for sure. But let's just say I have an idea."

I looked at her. "Mom, who...?"

She just placed her hand on my arm. "Go pick up my little girl. Bring her home."

I didn't need any further encouragement. Within five minutes I had left the house on my way back down to the police station.

TO BE CONTINUED...



The Long Road Back Ch. 13



The next month flew by. As much as I begged for time to go by slowly, it seemed to fly by faster. I spent my time, reading or watching TV. Hawk took time off from work to help me prepare my case. 

Mr. Wallace came over a few times but mainly it was just talking about what to say when I was on the stand and to go over what we talked about the night I got arrested.

Amy and Jericho said they had to get back to LA, because Jericho had to get back to work. They made me promise to keep them updated on what was going on and once I was clear that Hawk and I would make a trip down there to see them and the baby. Robert and Suzanne went back home but were over at the house everyday, going over strategies with Hawk and I.

I was surprised to see Terry at the house when I got home from jail, but after a lot of tears, and a long talk we worked everything out. We even got to meet the man of Terry's dreams about a week after I got home. 

Mitch Armstrong was a short, portly man of about 30. He had thinning blonde hair, with brown eyes and seemed to cherish the ground Terry walked on. They had met two years ago at a company Christmas party. Neither one knew the other one was gay. As it happened, they ended up getting drunk and ended up in bed together. The next morning they confessed to each other how they felt about each other. They had been together ever since.

The first week I was home after my weekend in jail, Hawk would barely leave my side. The first night, he made love to me so slowly and carefully, I cried. He just held me telling me how much he loved and cherished me. After the first week I couldn't take anymore. "Hawk, please, go to work, go find Sheila's killer. Just go do something. You're driving me crazy." We were sitting on the couch with Robert and Suzanne discussing strategies. Hawk just looked at me. "Baby, please." I begged taking his face in my hands.

Hawk looked into my eyes for a minute as if he was searching for something. Then finally he nodded. "Okay. We'll be back later." He kissed me softly then looked at Robert. "Come on; let's get out of here for a while.

Robert nodded, then kissing Suzanne quickly he followed Hawk out of the house.



Everyday after that Hawk was out scavenging for Sheila's killer, sometimes with Robert, sometimes with Jeff, sometimes alone. Every night, he came home with the same frustrated look on his face. If anybody knew who killed her, they weren't talking. He talked to everybody over and over. Sheila's mom finally consented to talk to him but she just told him the same thing she had told the police. She came home and found Sheila lying on the kitchen floor. Then she burst into tears.





Finally it was the day I had been dreading; Possibly my last day of freedom. The day of the trial. I woke up slowly to Hawk spreading light kisses over my face. When he got to my lips, he probed gently for entrance, when I gave it to him, he swooped in. I felt him move over me and I automatically spread my legs, feeling him move against me until he was resting comfortably between me. He slipped into me easily, keeping his strokes long and slow. We made love like it would be the last time. Which it may well be. It took me a minute to clear my head enough to realize he wasn't wearing a condom. Ever since we got back together, we had been using protection. We were happy with John and weren't quite ready for another child yet. I moved my hips against him while I looked at him quizzically.

Hawk just moved a bit faster while he looked down at me. "Just in case this doesn't work out like I hope it will. I want to give you something. Something of me." He moved faster inside me. Suddenly I couldn't speak, I could only feel. I felt the pressure building until I finally crumbled. I cried out Hawk's name and heard him cry out mine as he joined me a second later.

Afterwards we lay holding each other, when I leaned up on my elbow to look at him. "Where were you last night?"

Hawk had come in late last night. He hadn't said a word, just pulled me to bed, made love to me then rolled over to go to sleep. Now I looked at him. He kept his eyes shadowed. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He ran his finger lightly over my nipple. "I had a hunch come over me last night. I checked it out."

I moved closer to him. "Are you going to tell me what you found out or what kind of hunch?"

"No."

I had rested my head on his chest, but when he said that I looked up at him. "No? Why not?"

He ran his fingers through my hair, pulling me back down to his chest. "Because I don't want to get your hopes up. I don't want you going in there thinking that everything will be perfect and then it turn out wrong. I might be wrong." He sighed. "I don't think I am, but I might be." He kissed my hair.

I snuggled down against his chest, perfectly content. "How will we know whether you are right or not?"

He ran his hand down over my back. "I sent someone to check out a lead I had. If they show up at the courthouse then there is a pretty good chance that I'm right."

"Oh." I just snuggled closer to him.

Hawk looked over at the clock. "Baby, we got to get up."

"Hmmmm..." I moaned.

He pushed against me gently. "We got to get up. It's already 8:15. We have to be at the courthouse by 8:50 to meet with Mr. Wallace.

I groaned then sat up. "Yea, you're right." I looked at him. "I love you, Hawk."

Leaning forward, he kissed me gently. "I love you to baby."



By 8:40, we were ready to go. Suzanne, Robert, mom and Jeff were all sitting the living room waiting for us. Suzanne had agreed to stay at the house to keep an eye on John and Rose. So a few minutes later, after giving John a big hug, the rest of us left the house. We drove to the courthouse, while the police officers who had been watching the house for the past month followed behind.

We arrived at the courthouse at 8:50 on the dot. We quickly found Mr. Wallace. We talked for a few minutes, making sure we were on the same page. By the time they opened the courtroom doors, I felt confident. Although as I took my seat next to Mr. Wallace, I couldn't help a shiver that went down my spine or the question of when I left the courthouse today, would it be through the front door or the back.



"All rise, the honorable Judge Amanda McKenzie presiding." The bailiff said. I quickly stood up, watching as the judge made her way to her seat. Once she was seated I sat back down. "The state vs. Crystal Anderson." The bailiff said putting a folder down on the judges desk.

"Thank you." The judge opened the folder then looked at Mr. Palestine. "Your opening statement sir?"

Mr. Palestine stood up, buttoned his suit coat then looked over at me. "Sheila Rodriguez was at the mall shopping for her daughter's birthday. When she ran into Mrs. Anderson. Assuming she was running into an old friend, she said hi. I doubt she figured on what happened." He moved in front of his table and started pacing. "In front of witnesses, Mrs. Anderson, threatened to kill Ms. Rodriguez. She then arrived at Ms. Rodriguez's house later that day and fulfilled what she had threatened, stabbing Ms. Rodriguez seven times in the back. We plan to prove this. Also, we plan to prove that Mrs. Anderson then returned to the scene of the crime later that night to rob Ms. Rodriguez. Thank you." Mr. Palestine walked back over to his seat.

The judge then turned to Mr. Wallace. "Mr. Wallace?"

Mr. Wallace stood up. "Mr. Palestine plans to prove that not only did my client kill Ms. Rodriguez but she also returned to rob her. This is impossible as it never happened. Neither of that which the District attorney is saying happened. Yes, Ms. Rodriguez is dead. We are not disputing that. But my client did not do the deed. During the time that Ms. Rodriguez was killed, Mrs. Anderson was at her home, asleep on the couch. We plan to prove that although as Mr. Palestine says Mrs. Anderson did in fact have motive and opportunity. She did not kill Ms. Rodriguez." Mr. Wallace then sat back down.

The judge nodded, and then turned back to Mr. Palestine. "Your first witness sir."

Mr. Palestine stood up, "I call Mr. Steve Roberts to the stand."

A tall man with jet black hair, moved towards the stand, I soon recognized him as the man who had pulled me off of Sheila. Once he was sworn in, Mr. Palestine began his questioning. "Mr. Roberts, can you please tell the court what you witnessed at the 3 stars mall on January 17th of this year?"

Mr. Roberts started speaking. He told how he and his brother had gone to the mall to meet his girlfriend who worked there. "She said she had to work late, so we told her we would come back later. We were heading back to our car, when we saw the victim and the defendant fighting. We quickly pulled them apart."

Mr. Palestine paced in front of the stand. "Did either of the women say anything?"

"Yes. Mrs. Anderson told Ms. Rodriguez that if she ever saw her again she would kill her."

Mr. Palestine looked at the judge then back to Mr. Roberts. "Do you know why Mrs. Anderson threatened Ms. Rodriguez?"

Mr. Roberts shook his head. "I have no idea."



I leaned over to whisper to Mr. Wallace. "He's lying. He knows what she said to me." Mr. Wallace just put up his hand not taking his eyes from the witness.



Mr. Palestine began his pacing again. "What happened next?"

"We held the ladies until the police arrived. When they said they were free to go, my brother and I left."

"Thank you Mr. Roberts, no further questions." Mr. Palestine walked back over to his table.

The judge looked at Mr. Wallace. "Mr. Wallace?"

Mr. Wallace stood up. "Mr. Roberts, you don't know why the defendant threatened Ms. Rodriguez?"

Again Mr. Roberts shook his head. "No sir."

Mr. Wallace looked down at the papers in front of him. "Isn't it true that Ms. Rodriguez said and I quote 'I should have let Jeremiah screw you that day you came over to my house? He wanted to but I said no cause you were my friend.'?"

"I don't recall." Mr. Roberts said looking very uncomfortable.

"Uh huh..." Mr. Wallace just stood there staring at him. "Isn't it also true that when it was brought up to the police, Mrs. Anderson said flat out that she hadn't meant what she said, she was just angry?"

Again Mr. Roberts looked uncomfortable. "Um...yes I believe she did."

"Thank you Mr. Roberts, I have no further questions." Mr. Wallace sat back down. Mr. Roberts left the stand, moved back to the seats behind us, stopped for a minute then walked out of the courtroom.

Mr. Palestine then called Mr. Robert's brother. He gave pretty much the same testimony as his brother. He also couldn't recall Ms. Rodriguez saying those words. Once again the stand was cleared. Next, Mr. Palestine called Mrs. Rodriguez to the stand. Sheila's mother told how she had come home to find her daughter dead on the kitchen floor. She had been killed with one of their knives. No she didn't know who killed her daughter. Mr. Wallace had no questions for her.

One by one, people from the mall came up to the stand telling what they saw that day. How they saw me arguing with Ms. Rodriguez in the mall. How I had dragged her outside. Mr. Wallace continued to counter every testimony but I knew it didn't look good for me. Mr. Palestine never did call Hawk to the stand but he did call my mother. She looked like a frail flower as she moved up to the stand. She held her head high as she was sworn in, and then looked at Mr. Palestine as she sat down. "Mrs. Daniel's, could you please tell the court how your daughter knew Ms. Rodriguez?"

Mom cleared her throat. "They went to school together."

Once again Mr. Palestine paced in front of the stand. "Would you say they were friends?"

Mom was quiet for a minute. "Yes I would say that. They were pretty close all through high school."

"Mrs. Daniel's can you tell the court what happened on June 14th 1997?"

Mom looked at him in shock. She looked at Mr. Wallace then back to Mr. Palestine. "Um...My husband and I separated."

Mr. Palestine stopped pacing. He looked at my mother. "How did Mrs. Anderson take this?"

"She was distraught."

Mr. Palestine started pacing again. "She was distraught. So distraught that she drove over to Ms. Rodriguez's house. Is this correct?"

"I believe so yes."

"Isn't it also true, that Ms. Rodriguez supplied your daughter with drugs and alcohol? Said drugs and alcohol thus leading you to send your daughter to foster care later on in the summer of that year?"

Mom's eyes met mine, and then she said weakly. "Yes."

"Isn't it also true, that your daughter arrived late last year from being gone for seven years?"

"I object your honor. What does this have to do with the case?" Mr. Wallace asked standing up.

The judge looked over at Mr. Palestine. "Mr. Palestine?"

"Your honor, if I am allowed to finish, I will be able to prove that Mrs. Anderson held a grudge against Ms. Rodriguez from seven years ago. It is the state's belief that Mrs. Anderson blamed Ms. Rodriguez for her being torn away from her family."

I looked at him in shock. "Oh you have got to be kidding me." I said under my breath. Mr. Wallace just placed his hand gently over mine.

The judge seemed to consider this for a moment. Then she nodded. "You may continue Mr. Palestine. Mr. Wallace, your objection is overruled." Mr. Wallace sat back down beside me.

Mr. Palestine turned back to my mother. "Well, Mrs. Daniels?"

"Yes it is true."

"Did your daughter at anytime confess to you that she blamed Ms. Rodriguez for her being sent away." Mr. Palestine started pacing again.

My mother shook her head. "No she didn't. She took the blame for her problems."

Mr. Palestine stopped pacing with his back to my mother. "She never told you she blamed Ms. Rodriguez?"

Again my mother shook her head. "No."

Mr. Palestine seemed to consider this. "I have no further questions your honor." He moved back to his seat.

"Mr. Wallace?"

Mr. Wallace stood up, and then moved towards the witness stand. "Mrs. Daniels, do you believe your daughter killed Ms. Rodriguez?"

My mother shook her head vehemently. "No."

"In the time that your daughter has been home, has she in any way, shape or form, made any reference to resenting Ms. Rodriguez?"

Again my mother shook her head. "No. As far as I know, Crystal hadn't seen Ms. Rodriguez since she was sent foster care. Until the day she met Ms. Rodriguez at the mall."

Mr. Wallace nodded. "She never showed in any way, through word or deed that she wished Ms. Rodriguez dead?"

"No."

"Thank you, No more questions." Mr. Wallace moved back over to his seat.

The judge looked at my mother kindly. "You may step down Mrs. Daniels."

Mom quickly left her seat; she smiled at me reassuringly, and then took her seat next to Jeff.

"Mr. Palestine?" the judge asked.

"The state rests your honor."

The judge turned to Mr. Wallace. "Mr. Wallace, your first witness please."

Mr. Wallace stood up. "I call Crystal Anderson to the stand."

I stood up on shaking legs, slowly making my way to the stand. Once I was sworn in I looked at Mr. Wallace. "Mrs. Anderson, please relate to the court what happened at the 3 stars mall on January 17th of this year?"

I began speaking, telling my story. How I had gone to pick up a birthday present for Hawk. How I had ran into Sheila at the coffee shop. I told about what we said to each other. How yes, I pulled her out of the mall because she was making a scene. How yes we had argued out by my car until it turned into a fight. How the Robert's brothers broke us up.

"Who actually threw the first punch so to speak?" Mr. Wallace asked.

I had to think about that for a minute. "Sheila did. She slapped me. I slapped her back."

"Why did she slap you?"

"I told her to grow up."

Mr. Wallace looked at me. "You told her to grow up and she slapped you?"

I nodded. "Yes."

Mr. Wallace laid his hands on the witness bench. "Did you threaten to kill Ms. Rodriguez?"

"Yes I did."

He moved back a little, and then started pacing. "Did you kill Ms. Rodriguez?"

I shook my head. "No I did not."

He looked at me again. "Where were you during the time that Ms. Rodriguez was killed?"

I took a deep breath. "I was at home, asleep on my couch."

Mr. Wallace nodded. "No further questions your honor." Mr. Wallace moved back to his chair.

"Mr. Palestine?" the judge asked.

Mr. Palestine stood up. "Was anyone with you at your home when you claim to be there?" He asked looking shrewdly at me.

"No sir."

"No further questions." He sat back down.

The judge looked at me. "You may step down Mrs. Anderson." I stepped down from the witness stand, walking very slowly back to my seat.

Mr. Wallace stood back up. "I call Joshua Mitchell to the stand."

Hawk walked to the stand. He walked straight and proud. After he was sworn in, he looked at Mr. Wallace. "Mr. Mitchell, what is your relationship with the defendant?"

"She is my girlfriend."

"Mr. Mitchell, can you please tell the court your version of events as you know them of what happened on January 17th of this year?"

"I came home from work. Crystal was in the kitchen making dinner. When she turned to look at me, I saw she had a black eye, as well as other injuries. I asked her what happened. She told me about what happened at the mall."

Mr. Wallace walked up to the witness stand. "How did she seem?"

Hawk looked at him confused. "Seem?"

Mr. Wallace moved his hand around. "Relaxed, scared, timid?"

"Oh..." Hawk smiled. "She seemed perfectly relaxed. Happy to see me as she always is." I couldn't help it, I smiled.

Mr. Wallace paced in front of the stand. "She didn't seem scared or unsure; she didn't wring her hands or look around. Like maybe she was hiding something?"

Hawk shook his head. "No, she was perfectly at ease."

Mr. Wallace nodded. "No more questions your honor."

The judge looked at Mr. Palestine. "Mr. Palestine?"

He stood up, "I have no questions for this witness your honor."

The judge nodded at Hawk. Hawk stood up and started walking back towards his seat. Then suddenly something at the back of the courtroom caught his eye. He moved towards some people standing by the door. Turning around, I saw him talking to a man and a woman. The woman was about my height, with my hair color. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere but where she was. The man had a death grip on her arm and was talking to Hawk quickly. I saw the man whisper something in the woman's ear and she nodded, then Hawk, moved quickly back up the aisle. He whispered something quickly in Mr. Wallace's ear. Mr. Wallace looked at him like he was crazy. "Are you sure?" He asked. I looked at them.

Hawk's eyes met mine for a brief moment, before he nodded.

"Very well." Mr. Wallace stood up while Hawk took his seat. "Your honor, the defense calls Ms. Sabrina Talner to the stand."

Every eye in the courtroom turned to look at the young woman making her way up to the stand. Once she was sworn in, she looked directly at Mr. Wallace. Mr. Wallace took his time straightening his papers, before he moved towards the witness stand. I sat there holding my breath. "Ms. Talner, I understand that you know something that can possibly alter the outcome of this case.

"Yes." She said weakly. Her eyes darted towards the back of the courtroom, and then she sat up straighter. "Yes I do."

Mr. Wallace stood on the balls of his feet with his hands behind his back. "What is this information you have?"

Ms. Talner's eyes went back to him. "I know for a fact that the defendant didn't kill Ms. Rodriguez."

Mr. Wallace looked at her. "Oh...how do you know this?"

Ms. Talner took a deep breath. "Because I killed her."



The courtroom was in an uproar. Mrs. Rodriguez fainted and the man next to her was trying to revive her. The judge was hitting her gavel over and over on the bench. Mr. Palestine was screaming for an objection. Finally the judge screamed as she raveled the bench one more time. "Silence or I will clear this courtroom." Nobody moved, nobody spoke, nobody wanted to miss a thing.




The Long Road Back Ch. 13



Mr. Wallace just looked at Ms. Talner coolly. "You killed her?"

"Yes."

"How?" Mr. Wallace knew that the pattern of knife marks on Ms. Rodriguez's back hadn't been made public. Only the person who killed her would know.

Again Ms. Talner took a deep breath. "When she was walking away from me in the kitchen, I grabbed a carving knife off the table. I stabbed her seven times in a circle on her back." There was a loud gasp from several people but that was it.

Again Mr. Wallace looked at her. "Why did you kill Ms. Rodriguez?" This was what I wanted to know. I had never seen this woman before in my life.

Ms. Talner looked at me for a minute before she turned back to Mr. Wallace. "Because she killed my brother." She said it so matter of factly, I just sat and stared at her.

Mr. Wallace looked at her. "Mrs. Anderson killed your brother?" He looked over at me.

Suddenly I knew. I knew who she was. Standing up, I put my hands on the table. "Your Danny's sister?"

Ms. Talner nodded. "I was raised by my aunt. After Danny was born mom and dad decided not to have any more children. Unfortunately I came along two years later. They decided they didn't want to know about the sibling rivalry, so they sent me to live with my aunt. It was two years ago that I found out she wasn't my mother but actually my aunt. I went to my father but he denied me. Said he didn't know what I was talking about. Danny was there that day; he knew right off that we were sister and brother not cousins. He said that we always looked too much alike to be just cousins. I was living in London."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "When Danny was there for that last business trip, he stayed with me. I know he wanted to tell you about me but I didn't want anyone knowing our true relationship. As far as anyone knew we were cousins. I wanted to keep it that way." She kept her eyes glued to mine. "He told me how you cheated on him, how the kid you guys had wasn't his. I begged him to stay in London with me, to forget you. He just stroked my cheek, and then gave it a kiss. The last words he said to me were. "I love her." Then he boarded that plane, he got in that car, heading back to you. Because of you, he's dead." She suddenly broke down in tears.

The courtroom was silent, silent as a grave. Nobody moved or spoke. All eyes were on the witness stand. On the woman who killed to frame me because she blamed me for her brother's death. Mr. Wallace looked at the judge. "I have no further questions your honor." He moved back to his seat beside me.

The judge looked bored. "Mr. Palestine?"

Mr. Palestine stood up, buttoned his coat, looked at me, looked at Ms. Talner crying on the witness stand then looked at the judge. "Your honor, in light of Ms. Talner's testimony, the state would like to drop the charges we brought forth against Mrs. Anderson. We would also like to request that Ms. Talner be placed under arrest for the murder of Ms. Rodriguez."

The judge looked at Ms. Talner. "Very well. This court is dismissed. Mrs. Anderson you are free to go. Bailiff, please place Ms. Talner under arrest."

I jumped up, hugging Mr. Wallace then my family. Everybody had tears in their eyes. I finally came to Hawk. He pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly and kissing me deeply. When he pulled back, I looked at him. "How did you know?"

He kept his arms around me. "That Danny had a sister or that you were being framed?"

"Both."

He smiled at me. "Well actually it was Suzanne who suggested that you might be being framed. It didn't connect at first, but then I thought that it had to be a coincidence that the girl who killed Sheila had your figure and your hair color. Well the hair color was no big deal I mean it is really easy to color your hair. But I was obsessing about it. I couldn't get the thought out of my mind.

Then I remembered what you told me about Danny and about how his father had acted at the funeral. At first I thought maybe he had hired someone to frame you. So I called him, confronted him. That's when he told me about Sabrina, how she was Danny's sister. I asked him what she looked like. He told me that she had your build and strawberry blonde hair. Well it all fell into place. I called every hotel in town I could think of. Of course she wasn't listed under her real name but the fourth place I called said that yes they had a young woman staying there that fit my description. I sent my friend Jake to check her out." He nodded towards the guy standing at the back of the courtroom. "When he confirmed who she was, he had a long talk with her and convinced her to turn herself in."

I kissed him lightly. "Thank you."

He smiled at me. "For what?"

"Thank you for believing in me, never giving up, and trusting me."

He smiled more brightly. "You're very welcome. Let's go home."

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "That is the best suggestion I have heard all day."



Once we were in the aisle, we followed Mom, Jeff and Robert towards the doors. Hawk had his arm around my waist. We had almost reached the door when a man stepped out of the last row blocking the door. "Excuse m..." I stopped, staring into his eyes. I suddenly knew who had paid my bail. The only question I had was what was he doing here now? Holding tightly to Hawk I said one word before I fainted in his arms. "Daddy?"



The Long Road Back Ch. 14-15



Chapter 14

Hawk's POV

The whole way through the trial, I sat with bated breath. When I saw Daniel's sister arrive at the courtroom with my friend Jake, I released my breath. Hopefully, the truth would come out. I left the witness stand then went to talk to Jake. "Here she is." He said holding onto Ms. Talner's arm.

I looked at the woman standing there, the woman who had caused this mess. "You are Danny's sister?"

She looked at the floor. "Yes. I will tell the truth. I guess." Jake whispered something in her ear. She nodded then looked at me. "I'll testify."

I nodded then walked back up the aisle. Once I got to the table where Crystal was sitting, I leaned down to talk to Mr. Wallace. "Mr. Wallace, Crystal's ex-husbands sister is here. She is the one who actually killed Ms. Rodriguez. Put her on the stand so we can get out of here."

Mr. Wallace looked at me, "Are you sure?"

I just nodded. "Okay." When he stood up, I moved back to my seat.

"What is going on Hawk? Who is that woman? Why does she look so much like Crystal?"

I looked over at JoAnne, and then watched as Ms. Talner moved to the witness stand. "Hang on, we're about to have all our questions answered. I waited while JoAnne nodded, then turned my attention back to the witness stand.

I sat tensely the whole time she testified, it was as if I was waiting for her to bolt or something. Finally, it was all over. Crystal was free.

Crystal jumped up, hugging everyone before she came to me. I just gathered her into my arms, holding her close.

"How did you know?" she asked me.

I looked at her quizzically for a minute then realization dawned. "That Danny had a sister or that you were being framed?"

"Both."

I smiled at her. "Well actually it was Suzanne who suggested that you might be being framed. It did not connect at first, but then I thought that it had to be a coincidence that the girl who killed Sheila had your figure and your hair color. Well the hair color was no big deal; I mean it is really easy to color your hair. Nevertheless, I was obsessing about it. I could not get the thought out of my mind.

Then I remembered what you told me about Danny, about how his father had acted at the funeral. At first, I thought maybe he had hired someone to frame you. So I called him, confronted him. That's when he told me about Sabrina, how she was Danny's sister. I asked him what she looked like. He told me that she had your build and strawberry blonde hair. Well it all fell into place. I called every hotel in town I could think of. Of course, she wasn't listed under her real name but the fourth place I called said that yes they had a young woman staying there that fit my description. I sent my friend Jake to check her out." He nodded towards the guy standing at the back of the courtroom. "When he confirmed who she was, he had a long talk with her, and convinced her to turn herself in."

"Thank you."

I smiled again. "For what?"

"For believing in me, never giving up and trusting me."

I smiled more brightly. "You're very welcome, now let's go home."

She wrapped her arms around my neck. "That is the best suggestion I have heard all day."

Keeping my arm around her waist, we headed towards the door. All I wanted to do was get Crystal home and spend the next 24 hours with her in bed. We stopped, when a man stepped into the aisle. He was about 6' tall with thinning hair and the starting of a beer belly. I was about to ask him to get out of the way when Crystal suddenly fainted in my arms. I held her easily against me for a minute before gathering her up in my arms. Then I turned back to the man standing there. "Who are you?" I asked.

He looked at Crystal for a minute, and then looked at me. "I'm her father."

I looked at him in shock, "Her father?" I looked around the courtroom. It was deserted. I moved into an empty seating area and lay Crystal gently down on the bench. I looked up to see the man claiming to be her father holding his coat balled up out to me. "Thank you." I said putting the coat under her head. Then I turned to look at him. "What are you doing here?"

Thomas looked at me for a minute. It was as if he was debating whether or not I was worth talking to. Then he sighed. "Who are you?"

"My name is Joshua, but everybody calls me Hawk. I'm Crystal's boyfriend. You didn't answer my question."

He looked at me for a minute. "I know."

I was distracted when the door to the courtroom opened and JoAnne and Jeff walked back in. "Hawk what is taking so long?" She asked looking at me.

I looked at my future father. At least if I had my way he would be. "Ask him."

It was then that JoAnne noticed Thomas was standing there. "I was wondering if you would be brave enough to show your face." She said with contempt in her voice.

Thomas just looked at her and I swore he aged 10 years in just five minutes. Instead of being intimidating like he had been with me. He looked tired. "I couldn't just let my daughter rot in jail JoAnne."

She walked up to him. "No...but you could just drop out of her life for 7 years. Never get a hold of her or Robert."

Just then, I heard a moan and looked down at Crystal, she had her eyes open. "What happened?" She asked. Then her eyes found her fathers, "Daddy?"

Thomas smiled at her and sat down on the bench by her feet. "Hey baby girl. How are you feeling?"

I sat down on the other end of the bench and lifted her head so it was resting on my lap. Crystal looked at her father. "Like I was just run over by a truck, this has been a very long day." She ran her hand over her face.

"I know it has baby girl. Why don't you let your boyfriend take you home and we can talk later." he stood up and headed back down the aisle. He didn't say anything to JoAnne and Jeff.

I helped Crystal sit up then sat holding her as she looked at her mother. "What was that all about?"

JoAnne looked at her daughter. "I don't know honey. I don't know."

* * *

Crystal's POV

We had been home for a couple of hours. I was laying on the couch with my head resting on Hawk's lap and him stroking my hair. Jeff was sitting on the floor playing with John and mom was in the kitchen making dinner. Suzanne and Robert along with their baby were on the loveseat.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. I did not want to move so I looked over at Robert. He smiled at me. "Sit still." He stood up, walked over, and opened the door. "Oh...It's you."

I sat up as I saw my father walk into the house. "I hope this isn't a bad time." He said coming in and closing the door behind him.

Suzanne held Rose close to her as Robert sat back down beside her. I looked over at Hawk who was watching my father then down to John who had stopped playing to watch the man who had come into the house. "No...it's fine." I said looking at him. "Why don't you sit down?" I pointed to the only empty seat, a chair next to the couch.

He didn't glance at John but moved over and sat down. John seemed to take offense to this. He stood up and marched over to his grandfather. "I know who you are. My mom and dad told me. You are my grandfather." His little five-year-old body was tense with anger. "You can ignore me all you want, but I am not invisible. My name is John Michael Anderson and I am 5 years old." He held up five fingers in my father's face.

I held my breath as I looked at my father. He looked at John for a minute then smiled and looked at me. "He's a good boy. He has my attitude. I don't know if that is good or bad." Then he held his arms out to John.

I smiled as I watched my son greet the grandfather he had never met.

Mom served dinner and we had normal chitchat while everyone ate. Afterwards, John went into his room to watch a movie and we all turned to my father, looking for answers. Thomas Miller sat back in the chair and took a drink of his iced tea. His eyes met everyone's in the room, then finally rested on mine. "I know you all have many questions. Ask them and I will try to answer them."

I leaned against Hawk but looked at my father. "Why did you pay my bail?" I asked before anyone else could say a word.

My father looked at me in surprise. "That should be obvious. I'm your father. I couldn't just let you sit in jail. Especially for something I knew in my heart that you didn't do."

I watched him for a minute then nodded. I was satisfied. Robert spoke up next. His voice was harsh and full of pain. "Where have you been for the past seven years?" His voice broke and I looked over to see his eyes glistening with tears.

Thomas looked at his son and sighed. "I'm sorry Robert. I knew I should have kept in touch. But, I thought it was best under the circumstances that I stayed away. You see, I'm dying."

Everyone in the room but my mother gasped. She just looked at her ex-husband in shock. "What?" Robert asked leaning forward. "What do you mean your dying?"

Thomas nodded his head. "I have prostate cancer. The doctors gave me maybe a year or two. That is why I ignored little John and your baby, who by the way, is very beautiful." He smiled at his granddaughter asleep in her mother's arms. "I don't want to get attached to them and then have to leave them."

JoAnne looked at him as if a light bulb had gone off in her head. "That's why, there never was another woman was there?"

Thomas shook his head. "No. I have spent the last seven years in and out of hospitals. The cancer was in remission for a little over a year then flared up again. They cannot do anything for it. That's why I showed up now. I wanted to see my family one more time before I die."

Tears ran down my cheeks but I didn't brush them away. "Oh daddy," I cried getting up and throwing myself into his arms. He wrapped his arms around me and just held me as I cried against his shoulder. "I'm sorry baby girl. I loved you and your brother very much. But I didn't want you to sit back and watch me die. I thought it would be better if I left. I never expected things to turn out the way they had."

I pulled away from him but kept my hands on his shoulders. "But daddy, I'm glad they did."

He looked at me. "What?"

I looked over at Hawk who smiled with tenderness at me. Then I looked back at my father. "No, I'm not happy about all of it. But if you hadn't divorced mom, then I never would have gotten into the drugs and alcohol and I never would have gone to LA and met Hawk." I moved back to the man I loved and sat back next to him cupping his face in my hands, "Who I love more then anything in this world." I looked back over to my father. "Plus, I wouldn't have a wonderful son. A son, who may not carry on your name but along with Rose, will carry on your line. Your line won't die out with Robert and me." I looked over at my brother and saw tears running silently down his cheeks."

"I was so mad at you." He choked out looking at his father. Thomas looked at his son. "I didn't understand how you could leave your family for another woman." Robert stood up and walked over to our father. Kneeling before him, "Can you ever forgive me dad?"

Thomas held his arms out to his son and Robert went into them crying like a baby against his chest. I looked over at my mother and saw she to had tears in her eyes.

* * *

Six months later in the middle of July on a warm summer day, we buried Thomas Miller. The man I knew as my father. The man I loved with all my heart. As I stared at his casket and held the hand of my son, I hoped that John would grow up to be just like the best man I had ever known.

Chapter 15 

Thursday, August 12th Hawk's POV

Today is the day I have been dreaming of for the past few years, the day I would ask Crystal to be my wife. I had it all planned; I was taking her out for a romantic dinner. Then we would come back here and I would propose to her.

Today is a special day for both of us. It was six years ago, today that Crystal and I met that day at the beach; it was the day that had changed my life forever. I had spent almost a year lying beside her every night and loving her more each day. I wanted her to be my wife. Nothing could go wrong today. I wouldn't let it.

I sat on the bed looking at the diamond and Amethyst engagement ring. I had bought it the day I rode away from her at the beach. I had a feeling even then that I would need it some day. Now that day is here. I watched it sparkle in the light and smiled. I was so engrossed I almost didn't hear the front door close. I quickly put the ring box in my pocket and walked out to greet the woman I loved. "John over at mom and dad's?" I asked hugging and kissing her quickly.

She smiled as she wrapped her arms around my waist. "Hmm...Yup, It's just you and I tonight. So we got any plans handsome?" She ran her hands lightly over my bare chest and I felt myself grow hard.

"Later." I told my body. I had promised myself that I would not make love to her again until after I proposed. I wrapped my arms around her and smiled. "How about a candlelight dinner and then coming home and who knows what?"

She seemed to ponder that for a minute. "Hmm...Sounds great. What's the occasion?"

I looked at her with a smile. "You honestly don't know what today is, do you?"

She looked at me with confusion in her eyes but the smile still on her lips. "Should I?"

I tightened my arms around her and held her close to my body as I leaned down and whispered in her ear. "It was six years ago today that you and I first met."

She pulled back a bit and looked at me through wide eyes. "Are you serious?"

I nodded.

She put her hand over her mouth. "Oh god, I totally forgot." She giggled softly.

I just kissed her softly. "It's okay. You had a lot going on back then."

She groaned as she rested her head against my chest. "Don't remind me. I don't even want to think about what led up to that day."

I kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry for the pain you went through Crystal. But I'm not sorry that I met you."

She looked up at me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I love you Joshua Mitchell." She pulled my face down to hers and brought her lips to mine. The kiss started out slow and easy then escalated from there. By the time I finally pulled back, we were both breathing heavily. "Make love to me Hawk." She panted pressing her body close to mine.

I wanted to. God help me I wanted to. I could feel myself straining against my jeans. But I had made myself a promise and I was going to keep it. I gently pushed her away from me. "Later baby, Right now you need to take a shower and change. We have reservations at 6."

She acted like a little hurt kitten as she pulled away. "Okay." She whimpered. Then swinging her behind seductively, she went into the bedroom.

I sighed as I felt the ring box in my pocket. Somehow, I had a feeling this was going to be a long night.

We had dinner at an Italian restaurant down the street from our house. It was nice. There was a candle lit on every table and a violinist playing romantic love songs at each table. I had planned to propose when we got back home but the atmosphere was so perfect here that I decided not to wait. Crystal was looking over the menu at the dessert area and the violinist was playing a love song at our table. I took the ring from my pocket and set it down on the table in front of her.

She set the menu down and smiled at me as she took a sip of her wine. She set the glass down and noticed the ring box sitting in front of her. "What is this?" She asked opening the box, "Oh my."

I took her hand in mine and looked at her. "I wanted this to be perfect. I cannot think of a more perfect place to be with the woman I love. I will get down on one knee if that is what you want. I will do anything to make you happy and that is what I want. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy." I squeezed her hand gently. "Crystal Miller Anderson, Will you marry me?"

Crystal's POV

I sat there at the table looking over the dessert menu. I knew I shouldn't have any. I had eaten so much dinner that I felt like I might explode. But that chocolate cake did look good. I heard the violin next to our table and smiled at Hawk as I put the menu down. I picked up my wine glass and took a drink then set it down. I was about to tell him that I was enjoying the evening when I saw the ring box sitting in front of me on the table. I knew it hadn't been there before.

"What is this?" I asked picking it up. When I opened the box, I gasped, "Oh My." The ring inside was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. I felt Hawk take my hand and I looked at him as tears of happiness filled my eyes.

"I wanted this to be perfect. I cannot think of a more perfect place to be with the woman I love. I will get down on one knee if that is what you want. I will do anything to make you happy and that is what I want. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy." I felt him squeeze my hand gently. "Crystal Miller Anderson, Will you marry me?" He asked.

I looked at him then down to the ring. I knew the answer he wanted to hear. He wanted me to say yes. There was nothing to decide. I looked at him again with tears in my eyes. "Yes." I said almost in a whisper. "Yes, with all my heart. I will marry you." I said in a more even tone.

The violinist smiled and started playing again as Hawk slipped the ring on my finger, then leaned across the table to bring his lips to mine.

We passed on dessert and went home where we barely made it to the bedroom before we were all over each other. Even though we were hungry for each other, we made slow passionate love. It was like the first time all over again. Only this time we were not on a blanket on the beach. We were in a bed together and I didn't have to go home to my husband the next morning. This time I was able to stay with him for as long as he wanted me. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought I could never be as happy as I was at this one moment.

Epilogue 5 years later:

Hawk and I were married in a small ceremony. We spent our honeymoon in Hawaii and then went home to spend our lives together with John. Nine months later our little girl named Ashley came into the world and a year after that came Nathan. At that point, we took care of that problem. We were so happy. We had each other and three beautiful children.

I never did use my psychology degree but I was happy being a stay at home mom. Each year we drove down to LA to visit Nancy and Andrew. They still take in foster children, and are happy with their lives.

Robert and Suzanne gave their daughter a little brother named Anthony and Jeff and mom played the happy grandparents.

Now as I sit in front of the computer screen on this Christmas night and finish my story. I knew that all was well in the world.

I sat on the couch today with Hawk and watched our children opening their Christmas presents. The room full of joy and laughter. Suddenly as I turned my head and looked into Hawk's eyes full of love, I knew I had completed my journey. I had finished my long road back.

I was home.

THE END