0 comments/ 9444 views/ 3 favorites The Girl on the Beach Ch. 01 By: amicus I don't mind getting up early to take my youngest son to work, it is a small thing to do and sometimes I had been up all night writing or researching anyway. I fixed a breakfast for him a couple times, but he preferred a quick stop at a fast food place for the breakfast biscuits. I got used to them after a while, they're okay; I like the hash browns. I was a little puzzled and confused over both my sons. I have five children from the same marriage, three girls, two boys. I always thought a man would be proud of a son that followed in his footsteps; it turned out to be my daughters who sought the education and the professional life. One son was content being a hotel desk clerk, the other, my last child, the one I was driving to work, was learning the building trade; the hard way, from the ground up, neither had an interest in college or learning. He seemed to enjoy the outside physical labor and his workmates; he was almost always up and ready to go early in the mornings. I stopped, and ordered four sausage and egg biscuits, two hash browns and large coffee for both of us. When he had cash in his pocket, he would pay, usually I used my plastic; again, a small thing to do, I didn't mind. As usual, he inhaled his, I decided to wait. Sometimes he got another ride, other times, in nice weather, he walked the few miles to the job site. This morning was chill and brisk, he thanked me for the ride and the breakfast as I let him off. I drove to the top of the hill where I could turn around. When I first came to the Oregon coast, in younger years, it was different. Fishing villages mostly, clustered near the ports or small rivers that drained into the Pacific from the coast range of small mountains. Hundreds of small vacation cottages with colorful signs and fishing nets and glass buoys, driftwood art and fences were haphazardly scattered seeking a view. A lovely place for a summer weekend or fishing trip with one of the many Charter companies that chased the Salmon or Tuna in season. That changed over the years as the prime real estate began to sprout two and three level million dollar vacation homes and resorts. Nothing stays the same, I guess; some changes I liked less than others. But the continual construction gave employment to local men and boys so I guess it is, in a way, a good thing. I turned around and went slowly back down the narrow road above the ocean beaches. I could see a fog-bank a mile or so offshore and mused at the white-caps on the small bay, brought up by an onshore wind. At the bottom of the hill was a visitor's viewing area, a gravel parking lot with several concrete benches and tables lining the top of the dune with posts in the parking area. It was empty, as it usually was this early in the morning. I pulled into a spot about midway between both ends and kept the engine running and the heater going. I took a sip of the hot sweet coffee and lit a smoke and looked out across the tangled dune to the ocean beyond. I have always found the sea fascinating; restless and moving, colors changing with the light and the clouds and that special, 'iodine' scent of seawater and vegetation. I opened one of the biscuits and took a bite, washed it down with another sip and continued to smoke and watch the ocean. I took another bite when a flicker of motion off to the right caught my attention. There was a small figure moving slowly my way, a blue jacket with a hood, wearing jeans and...bare-foot? The figure passed in front of the car, I saw a quick glance through the windshield and before it moved around to the driver's side. I rolled the window down. Another quick glance, a brief look at wide blue eyes and then the head tilted down again. "May I come in side and warm up a little, please?" It was a soft feminine voice; she didn't look up at me. "Sure, it's gotta be cold out there..." She still didn't look up but turned and walked back across the front. I rolled the window up, reached across and opened the door. She got in quickly and closed the door and pulled her feet up underneath her, wrapped her arms around herself, leaned back, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I turned the heater on full and directed the airflow at her. She took another deep breath and her eyes opened wide. "Something smells really, really good!" Her tongue flicked across her lips and I heard and saw her swallow. I reached into the sack and took out the other biscuit and the hash browns and held them out to her. "Oh, that's your breakfast, I couldn't..." "When was the last time you ate something?" She looked away. "Dunno, sometime yesterday, I think." I smiled and shook the hand with the food in it. "Well, here, I insist. There is hot coffee, too, with sugar, feel free." She looked up with big eyes and swallowed again. "You sure?" "Yup." She timidly reached out. I smiled and took another drag of the cigarette and looked out at the ocean again. I heard the wrapper crinkle and glanced. "Don't look at me, please; I am too hungry to be dainty..." I turned away and smiled. Like my son, she inhaled the sandwich and potatoes in about a minute; I saw a hand reach for the coffee and smiled again. "Oh, God, that was sooo good, thank you, thank you!" "Welcome, ah, bare-foot?" She didn't say anything. "You didn't by any chance spend last night on the beach?" Again, no answer. "Would you like to talk about it?" "No." "Would you like a cigarette?" "Yes, please." I opened the package and handed her one, got my lighter and reached out, she leaned forward and got it burning, took a deep inhale and then another and sat back, still all curled up. We sat silent and unmoving. I had another sip of coffee and lit another for myself. The silence continued. "I think I would like another coffee; would you like a ride up to the restaurant?" "I feel a little sick. I need to use their ladies room, I think." I reached up and fastened my seat belt, she did the same. "I never used to do that all the time, but my son got a hundred dollar ticket, it ain't worth it." "I understand." I drove slowly back to the main highway, waited for traffic and then into the parking lot of the fast food place, right in front of a door. I got out and went around to her side. She was already out. I opened the door for her. "You like everything on your hamburger?" She didn't look up. "Yeah." "Chocolate or Strawberry?" This time she did look and I saw a tiny twinkle in her eyes. "Chocolate." She turned towards the ladies room and left without another look. I stood in line, ordered their biggest hamburger and a large Fries, a chocolate milk shake, two hot apple pies and a large coffee. That ought to keep her happy for a while. I stepped away from the counter and looked at the nearly full restaurant with more breakfast crowd coming. My order came; I added some condiments, sugared the coffee and found a place to wait. She took a little longer and when I saw her, she looked pale and anxious as she looked and finally saw me, and moved quickly to my side. She sounded apologetic. "I guess I ate too fast, sorry for taking so long." She glanced around. "Could we go back to your car?" She asked if I could move from the front of the restaurant to a vacant, less busy part of the parking lot. I didn't understand, but did as she asked. I handed her the sack of food. "I don't, ah, know if I should try to eat anything..." I smiled. "You were hungry. You need something in your stomach, I think." She got the coffee out first and carefully sipped the very hot liquid. "I rinsed my mouth but it still tastes yucky." I smiled and lit another cigarette, yeah, I know, I smoke too much. "May I just have a drag, not one for me?" I handed it across to her. She smiled and took a deep drag and handed it back. I sipped on the coffee and leaned back. She did take a few sips of the milk shake, found the catsup and doctored the fries and took a small bite of the burger. She put everything away and curled her feet under her again and leaned back. A few minutes later I heard her take a deep breath and then another. "I didn't feel like going to school yesterday, so I called this guy, on his Cell. I had been out with him once; he liked to do crazy things. So we both cut school and just went driving around. "He had a full tank and a little money; it was looking to be a nice day, we decided to drive to the coast, just for the hell of it and something to do." She sighed. I just waited and smoked and sipped a coffee, she reached for the smoke again and took a sip also. "My mom got a new boyfriend. I don't like the way he looks at me, makes me feel uncomfortable. I try to be gone when he's there and always keep my door locked." She sighed again. "I don't know why I told you that..." "I went through a divorce. I know all about it. Lot of kids don't have their dads around, sorry." She looked up briefly. "Yeah, I know, most of my friends are that way; some don't even know their real fathers..." It was a little painful for me. I felt my eyes water and concentrated on looking out at the parking lot and the moving cars on the highway. I heard her take another deep breath. "It was turning into a pretty good day. We were singing to music on the radio, drinking soda's, he even found an old joint with a little left; we ate something, somewhere and got to the coast somewhere around noon, I guess. "We both wanted to see the ocean, walk on the beach, have some fun. So he drove across the highway and down and we looked for a public beach. Neither of us knew the town, so we just kept looking. "We got to a place where you could see the beach, but no access. He pulled over at a wide spot and we just sat there, smoking for a few minutes. "Then he leaned way over and put his arm around me and pulled me close. I mean, like I wasn't in the mood, not at all. I didn't like the way he kissed me before and he was all grabby and stuff, but, it was his car and he drove me all the way over here, so I figured a few kisses, what the hell, I could live with that. "But he started kissing me really hard and squeezing my boobs; it hurt and I tried to push him away. He wouldn't stop and put his hand between my legs and started rubbing. This time I really pushed him away and told him to stop, I didn't like it! "But he wouldn't stop. I bit him and scratched him and he called me bad names. He said it was a long way back and said I could walk if I didn't, you know...let him. "I told him I wouldn't let him if he were the last guy on earth! He reached over and opened my door and started pushing me out of the car, I didn't believe he would really do it. Then he lifted his leg and used his foot to push, really hard and I went tumbling out of the car into the gravel. "I still couldn't believe it as he started the car, and gunned it, the door slammed shut, gravel flew everywhere and he was gone! "I just stood there, stupid like, figuring he was daring me, that he would come back. I still would not have let him, but I really thought he would come back. "I brushed myself off, felt pain in an elbow and on one side; I just walked around in circles." She paused for a moment. "I'm sorry, really sorry. So you've been here since about noon yesterday?" She sighed. "Yeah. After a while I just started walking, back the way we came. Then I got up on the highway and guys were whistling and offering me rides. I stopped at a convenience store and got some candy and a drink and started walking again, away from the highway. I finally found the beach where you found me." I didn't know if it was the right thing to do or not; I chanced it. I reached my arm across and gently placed my hand on her shoulder. She didn't startle, just looked at me and smiled and put her hand on top of mine, then pulled it down and placed her lips on the back of my hand. "Thank you for being nice." I kept hold of her hand and pulled it across to me and gently placed my lips on the back of her hand before I released it. "My pleasure. People need a friend now and then, I think." I must have said the wrong thing. Her face clouded up and she turned away, and curled up in the corner as far away from me as she could. I heard the sobbing and saw the shaking of her shoulders and now I felt really bad. I lit yet another one, sipped and stared until her crying began to subside. She sat up a little, got a napkin out of the sack and dabbed at her eyes. "That was silly of me, I'm sorry." "Not silly at all," I smiled. "Why didn't you call your mom, or a friend or other family?" She sighed. "My mom told me never to call her at work, for any reason. We don't talk much. There is an Aunt, but she's old and can't even take care of herself. No best friends really, girls are all giggly and helpless, there really wasn't anyone I could call." "Hmmm....well, I would like to help but I don't know quite how. What are your plans?" "More school I guess. I graduate soon, been accepted at a community college; a glorified high school, I don't really know what I want to do. You need a maid or a housekeeper? I work cheap!" She grinned with a look that said her words were meant lightly, just as an aside, to lighten things a little. I smiled. "Well, I could feed you and put a roof over your head for a while, until you figured it out?" I guess I said the wrong thing again because she drew back and glared at me. "Why would you do that for me? You don't know anything about me! You just wanna fuck me like every other guy, I know! I won't! No matter what happens to me, I won't! Not ever!" I took a deep breath. "Look...." "No, I won't look, I won't listen! I won't do it!" "Why don't you take your food and get out of my car. I don't need this." Her eyes went wide and filled. "Oh, oh; I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. I don't know why I said all of that, you have done nothing but be nice to me and not even look at me that way. Please forgive me..." I smiled and reached out for her. She scooted and leaned as far as the center console would permit and rested her face on my shoulder and cried lightly for a few minutes. I thought slowly and chose my words carefully. "Whatever you do, you need some shoes on your feet and maybe a few other things. I would like to do that for you, if you will permit, no debt, no obligation; just a gesture from a stranger who has needed a helping hand before. I won't offer again; my name is John, I would like to know yours." She lifted her head and pulled back, not as far as before and did not hide her face. "My name is Grace, ah, John and yes, I do need something for my feet. But will you let me repay you? I have money at home and I want to." "It is a gift, ah, Grace, from a father with daughters that maybe someone helped along the way. It is my turn; you owe me nothing." She looked away and then back again. "No one ever did anything like this for me without wanting something. I never cried on a man's shoulder before, I never kissed a guys hand; I don't know how to do this." I smiled. "There is a big variety store close by; they seem to have some of everything..." She smiled. "Okay...I give up. Thank you, John." "Welcome." I found the store and parked near the entrance, closed the car up and she followed almost reluctantly behind me into the building. I found a cart and followed the signs to the Women's clothing area. She went straight to a bin of 'Sale' shoes. "Get two pair, sneakers and whatever they are called, flats or something." She smiled. "They're really cheap, you sure?" "Yes." I smiled in my most fatherly way. "Get two pair of jeans, some tops, something pretty, skirt, dress, blouse, I dunno, ahm and you need underwear and some girl things. I want you to have enough things to get by." Her eyes went wide. "All of that?" "Yeah, and some make-up, I wanna see what the girl side of you looks like, when you get all prettied up." A look crossed her face and then turned to leave. "I used to take my daughters shopping, when they were young. They were always all happy and excited and I loved doing it for them." I smiled again. "Think you could be a little bit happy, even if you have to pretend?" Her eyes filled again as she looked up at me. "I'll bet your were a great dad! I won't have to pretend. I like it when you smile." It was as if a burden had been lifted. She scampered up and down and all around. I followed with the cart. She giggled and laughed and showed me things, put things in the cart, took them out, replaced them and then put the first one back in again. It was a pleasure to watch, I would have bought the whole damned store for her if I could have. She was shy about some things, wouldn't show me and tucked them under other things. She did it again at the Pharmacy; I understood. She tried to refuse the make-up counter; I insisted. I found a clerk and had her remove the tags while Grace was changing into new things. She came out smiling with a new look in her eyes, her sandy curly hair hanging to her shoulders. A look that made it all worthwhile. She just smiled at my smile. "I feel human again!" She had shopped well. The bill was only about half of what I expected. I gave her the right key for the back and stood smoking as she unloaded the packages and pushed the cart to a designated area. She came back and stood before me, took a drag, handed it back and looked up at me, beaming. "Don't misunderstand this, but I just gotta!" She surged forward and slipped her arms around my waist to my back and hugged me. I let my hands rest high up on her back. Her eyes were wide. "I never hugged a real man before! That was nice, really nice. Thank you so much!" I smiled. "My pleasure; happy to see you in a better mood." We got in and buckled up. "Now I am hungry! Could we go back to where you found me?" I smiled. She wouldn't let me stop and get other things to eat. I drove slowly back and parked in the same place as before. The sun had heated the inside of the car; I turned the heater off and opened both windows. She was indeed hungry but she ate more slowly this time, insisting I have a bite now and then and a sip of her milk shake. She finished and stuffed everything back in the sack, took a drag from my smoke then leaned her head on the window sill. I couldn't see her face, but I felt she was smiling and her eyes were closed, I wondered what she was thinking, lit another smoke and sipped coffee and stared off into the distance. I felt her hand on my arm. "John?" "Hmmm?" "I hear something..." I tuned my hearing, heard a distant seagull, the gentle murmur of the surf. The wind had changed and the scent of the sea was stronger. "I don't hear anything..." "Well I do, I know it!" She got out and walked away, turning her head this way and that. I followed. "There!" She pointed down toward the ocean. I stepped alongside her and followed her finger and listened. Still nothing unusual....wait...wait...faint...damn! "Sounds like a baby crying; John?" "Yeah, let's have a look." I went ahead of her and pushed through the thick tangled vegetation at the top of the dune until we came to an outcrop of sharp black rocks that fell about fifteen feet to the beach. I saw two arms of the rock reaching out into the water, forming a small cove, with a small beach in the center. "Damn!" "John, it's a baby!" I saw it. Right at the waters' edge. As we watched a wave came in and the child fell, crying even louder. "John! What do we do?" There was no time to think about it; there was no one else on that small mouth of sand. I scanned quickly, turned around and began making my way down the rock face. It wasn't easy or quick. I heard Grace cry out and looked, another wave had battered the tiny child. The tide was coming in fast. I pushed off and jumped the last few feet, landed running in the sand and swept the child up in my arms as yet another wave came in, soaking my feet and up my legs. The Girl on the Beach Ch. 01 The kid was screaming bloody murder and squirming in my arms. I looked at the arm of rock going into the water. It looked too deep; I had to find another way back up. I looked and chose the one highest over the water and slowly and carefully began climbing, keeping one arm around the baby. Grace watched from above, her face white, her mouth open. It took a while. It was steep and craggy and slow going. I had to stop to catch my breath; not as young as I used to be. I finally got close; Grace put her hand out as I neared the top of the rocks and pulled me onto the sand of the dune. I was breathing hard, the baby was crying its' lungs out. I held the child out to Grace. "Take it." She looked at me in alarm. "John, I have never held a baby!" "Time to learn!" She opened her arms as I thrust the child forward. I kept breathing hard until I began to relax and the adrenalin drained. I looked at the tangle of brush on the dune. "Hook a hand in the back of my pants, I'm gonna try to break a trail for us." I felt her hand. "Tuck the baby under your jacket, protect its' face, yours too." I used both feet and hands to mash down the stickery growth and slowly made my way, a foot at a time, up the dune, I felt Grace behind me as we slowly went up. The baby kept crying loudly. We finally made it to the top and across to a concrete bench. I collapsed on it, breathing hard again, Grace sat down beside me. "John, it won't stop crying, what do I do?" "Talk to it...kiss its' face, bounce it around a little... I thought girls were born knowing how to do that!" I was still trying to get my breathing to slow. I could see and hear her moving and cooing to the child. The loud cries dampened to a quiet whimpering. I was finally able to take a deep full breath. I stood, a little shaky on my feet and looked around again, still no one and nothing in sight. "Grace, I can't believe no one is around. The child must have wandered off, there has to be someone here somewhere. I am going to look, see what I find." I took my jacket off and draped it over both of them. "Okay, John, hurry back, please, I don't know what to do." I walked slowly to where I could see the top of the rock face I had just been down and up. I studied it from the top for a good minute and shook my head. If a child that young had fallen over that, it would have been injured far more than the few scratches I saw. Something wasn't making sense here. Maybe whoever was watching the child went swimming and didn't come back? It was too early in the year and too cold, the water was too cold to swim in. How did the child get down there? Maybe when the tide was out it was easier? I shook my head and kept looking and thinking. I went up and down from the parking lot into the brush and back again, covering as much as I could. I found some aluminum cans, candy and food wrappers and other assorted flotsam, but nothing that told me anything; nothing. I approached the last bench and table, at the far end of the parking area and saw something, propped up against a back leg of the bench. I moved closer. It was clear plastic covering with a large yellow envelope inside. I felt a sense of foreboding; a little shiver coursed through me. I picked it up, moved around to the front and collapsed on the bench again, wishing my cigarettes were in my pocket instead of back in the car. I opened the plastic and took the envelope out. There was a birth certificate and several other legal looking documents and a handwritten letter in faltering script. I closed my eyes and put everything back the way I found it, leaned back, wishing the concrete of the bench would absorb by body, my being. I felt the wind on my face shift and I heard the baby crying. God, what do I tell Grace? Nothing, anything; truth? What do I do, what do I think? What should I do? What is the proper thing to do? I wish I knew. I tucked the envelope down the back of my pants and hauled myself up and slowly made my way back. Grace was frantic, the baby was crying loudly again. "John, you were gone so long! She won't stop crying, I don't know what to do with her! John!" "She? Her?" "John, she smells just awful, I had to look. She's, ah, uhm, got poop all over down there! That can't be good for her! I need to clean her, wash her; something and she just won't quit crying. John, I don't know what to do!" I sighed. "Offer her your breast. She's probably too old to nurse and you don't have anything in there, but it might comfort her." I didn't have to look up. "My breast? Offer her my breast? For her to suck on? You gotta be kidding!" "You got a better idea?" A little time passed. "Don't you dare look! I am already embarrassed!" "I won't." A moment later it was suddenly quiet. "Oh, my God! She's sucking on me!" I smiled. "Women do it all the time. I think I was breastfed." I heard a little giggle. "I bet you were, but, John, ahm, I think it is turning me on a little?" "Happens. Other women have said the same thing." "Oh..." "I'm gonna get a smoke." "Okay...I want a drag. I'm covered, you can look." I didn't just look. I leaned over and deposited a small kiss on her forehead, then went off to the car. I lit up, took the package and lighter with me and went back. "Why did you kiss me?" "Because you are wonderful." "John...you found something, didn't you?" I handed her the cigarette, she took two pulls' and handed it back. "John...? I leaned forward, pulled the envelope out and handed her the letter. I did not want to watch her face. It was a short letter. I heard her choke. "Oh my God!" Her voice cracked. "Her mother left her to die, for God to take?" She broke into tears and rocked the baby at her breast back and forth. I slipped my arm around her shoulders. She stopped moving and cried on my shoulder. A moment later she lifted her head. "She quit sucking." Grace pulled the jacket slightly aside. "I think she is asleep." "That's good. It worked...for a little while..." "John...what are you going to do?" I knew the question was coming. I didn't have a hard and fast answer. "John.....?" I sighed, searching for words. "I don't know, Grace, I really don't. She's not my baby, not yours either. I can't take care of a baby that young, any baby. I know the right, the legal and proper thing to do...." There was a long awkward silence. I could sense her agitation beside me, the turmoil in her mind; I had an idea what she was thinking about. "John...." "Yes, Grace..." "Don't turn her over to the Police or the Social Workers, please..." It was all in her voice, but I just waited. After a while I looked over. Her eyes were closed and she was slowly, softly rocking back and forth, both arms around the child. I finally broke the silence. "It would be for the rest of your life, Grace..." She didn't look at me. "You know what I am thinking..." This time I went silent for a while. "John, do we have to decide right now, at this very minute?" I smiled. A way out, a postponement, a temporary solution, "No we don't, Grace, no we don't." She put her hand to my cheek and smiled, her eyes were bright; she didn't say a word. "But!" I stood up quickly. "I am gonna start talking, try to help me remember." I reached a hand out to her. "We gotta feed that kid, she's gotta be starving and she will be awake and screaming soon. So let's get this show on the road, back to the store!" I talked continuously as I walked them to the car, handed her in. I began again as I got in and started the engine and kept talking as I drove. "First thing at the store, I find baby bottles and formula, go make a bottle, heat it up and you feed her. Then I find diapers and wipes and all that stuff; then we find a place to change her. Then we pick out a baby bed, blankets, a high chair, clothes, shoes, everything she might need and you gotta help. Okay?" She smiled. "Sure, but John, I don't know anything about what a baby needs!" "You better learn fast, girl, you asked for this!" "Oh, I will, I promise. John, after all the stuff you bought me...should I take some of it back, have you got enough money?" "Enough, I think, not a whole lot, but enough, especially if we shop cheap like you did. I wish I could have afforded better things for you...maybe someday..." "I could take back at least half of my stuff, John, really..." "Don't even think about it, kid. It belongs to you." I parked and hustled us out of the Blazer and into the store, left her to find a cart and I hurried to the baby section, located a six pack of bottles and a can of enriched formula before she showed up. "Get a box of diapers, twelve to eighteen months, wipes and butt cream, I'll see if I can find some water and a micro wave." I didn't wait for an answer but headed off at a fast pace. Instead, I found a matronly looking clerk, and told her what I needed. She smiled and led me away. I made the bottle and heated it for fifteen seconds, tested it and give it another ten; just right! The clerk smiled at me again. "Anything else I can do for ya, Grampa?" I turned away before she could see my face. I didn't need that, not at all. Grace was looking confused and frustrated and the baby was whimpering again. "There are so many! I don't know which ones!" I smiled and teased the baby's lips with the nipple and gently inserted it. She opened her eyes wide, a lovely light blue and began sucking noisily, then closed her eyes and put both hands on the bottle. Graces' face, her eyes full again, was a joy to see. She smiled and touched my face. "You did good, Mister!" I smiled and turned to the shelves full of boxes. "Twelve to eighteen, box of twenty four, check!" I found a green tub of wipes and dropped that in the cart, then some diaper rash cream and baby powder, right next to each other; how convenient. I closed my eyes and thought, then went looking and found a matching top and bottom, also twelve to eighteen. I smiled at a bemused Grace. "Let's go clean a butt!" This time I pushed the cart, quickly down the aisle; Grace struggled to keep up with the baby in her arms. I found the same clerk. "I need a changing room where both of us could be there?" The clerk smiled, looked around and waggled her finger for me to follow. "For employees only, but I won't tell if you don't, Grampa!" Grace looked startled; I just smiled thanks. I took the baby from Grace and placed her gently on the padded surface. I tickled her belly, then leaned over and nuzzled her; she giggled a little and smiled with the bottle still in her mouth. I pulled up the soiled and tiny shirt, stiff from seawater, took the bottle and lifted the shirt up and off and had the bottle back in her mouth before the startled look really set in. I untaped the diaper and looked. "You're a mess, kid." I grinned at the baby; she kicked as if she knew I was talking to her. I cleaned her as much as I could with the diaper, removed some more with a wipe, then folded and taped the mess and dropped in in the nearby receptacle. "We need one of those!" I used three more wipes, spread her legs apart and cleaned the creases, then the delicate areas; the baby squirmed but kept working the bottle. I turned her over, got a fresh wipe, started at her shoulders and went down, cleaning everything that I might have missed from the front. I opened the diaper box, spread one out slowly so Grace could watch, took the baby by both ankles and slid the diaper underneath. I found the rash cream and applied that generously and then sprinkled baby powder all over everything. I again went slow, with Grace in close attendance, as I took the tapes loose, pulled one side together and taped it and the other side, firm but not tight. I reached into the cart and opened the plastic containing the new clothes and pulled the bottoms on, they fit; good! Then I took the bottle and pulled the top over her and down, the baby took it well and did not complain but took the bottle again immediately. I stood back. "All yours, kid, one fresh, good smelling and clean baby!" Grace was wide eyed yet again. "You are amazing!" I smiled as she picked the baby up and I wheeled the cart. The clerk was no where in sight. "She called you Grandpa, I'm sorry." "No need. I am a grandfather, like twenty times over; I just didn't like being reminded of it when I am with a young pretty girl not my daughter." She glinted at me. "Did you just flirt with me, or say that just to make me feel good?" I smiled an evil grin. "I'll never tell! Let's get a move on, don't wanna spend my life in a damned store, I hate shopping!" She laughed and followed me back to the baby aisles. I found a clerk and pointed out a medium priced bed and high chair, got some help with bedding and blankets to fit and had the clerk take it all to the front. I went through each and every shelf, hoping not to forget anything essential. We got to the baby food section and I paused, "She can probably eat people food without spices, but maybe not and I have no idea what she likes and does not. Gonna get some of each and a bunch of it." I left out a few of the varieties I had tasted and gagged on in the past. The best way to test how hot it was, in my mind, was to taste it myself, sometimes that brought a 'yuck' reflex. I finally stood up and sighed. "Can you think of anything we forgot?" Grace blushed and looked away. "What?" "I know it costs money and she doesn't really need it...." "What?" I smiled. "A pretty little dress for her, with white tights, the shoes don't matter...sorry..." The look on her face melted me. I would have bought a dozen pretty things for each of them if I could have. "You got something in mind?" She blushed again and led me back to a shelf and held it up. "Get it! Tights?" She went right to those also and we were finally finished. The bill was as much as I expected and even a little more, but I was still all right. I could make it through the month. Grace watched them ring it up and the total. "Can you afford all that, gosh!" "Yeah, we'll make it." We had two clerks help. I opened the back and stood aside as they loaded the Blazer. Grace came close along side and put an arm around me, I held her and the baby as close as I could. "I am so happy," She whispered. "I wish I could tell you how I feel..." We got loaded and closed up, I opened the door and hander her in and watched as she fit the seat belt around her. "Damn! I forgot a car seat. That might have to wait until next month, sorry." Grace smiled. "You got so many things, you can't remember everything. Maybe we won't need one for a while." I smiled and started the engine and moved towards the highway, conscious now of the added responsibility of my driving. I waited for the light, went across the main highway and merged into a lane and headed home. It was turning into a long and full day. I drove past a Casino, around one curve and then another and came to stop before a sign at what looked like a dead end. "Is there another stop sign on the other side of this curve?" I smiled. "Yes, there is. You have been here before?" She turned away. "This is the road we took looking for a beach." "Oh." I didn't know what else to say. I turned and stopped again at the sign. "I turn left here to go up to the house." "Could you stay on this road a little? I want to see if I recognize the place he dumped me out." I sighed. "Sure." I didn't like her having the thoughts I knew she was. I slowed down for two huge speed bumps. She giggled. "He went so fast I bounced up and hit my head! He was an idiot anyway!" She leaned forward as I kept driving slowly down the street above the beach and the ocean front. "It's pretty close, I think." I kept driving and saw a wide spot with a view ahead. "That's the place! Could you stop for a minute?" "Okay." I wasn't sure why, but I pulled over and came to a stop. She sat there silent, staring into nothingness. "Okay. You can go now." Her voice was very soft. "Grace, which way did he leave? Back the same way or straight ahead?" She pointed ahead. "He just took off that way." I drove slowly, looking out both sides of the car. I finally saw something after a couple blocks, almost under a row of bushes at the edge of a lawn. "The backpack, with your purse, what color was it?" She smiled. "An old Barbie thing, Pink with purple stripes I think." I pointed. "Like that?" She peered off to the side where I was pointing. "Oh, my God! He threw it out maybe? Would you mind looking so I don't wake the baby?" I smiled and got out. I fetched the object. It was a backpack, with one strap hanging loose and damp on the bottom. I walked quickly back and handed it to her. "That's it! The bastard just threw it away! I wonder if he took anything?" She was fast learning how to hold a baby with no hands. She used both to open and explore the contents, found the purse opened it and shouted. "Yes! Everything is here! My Driver's License, my ID, my Social and even the money I had stashed! I am a person again! Yay me!" I smiled and squeezed her shoulder. "I think I like you!" Her eyes were full yet again. "Oh! I like you too! John, how can I ever pay you back? You can have all the money I have here and I have more at home. I will pay you back, I promise!" I smiled. "Keep your money, girl, you probably have a kid to pay for, for the next eighteen years or so." She quieted and leaned back. "I'll do it. I'll find a way. I will damn well do it! John, why did you think he might have thrown my stuff out of the car?" "Evidence, in case something happened to you." She went pale. "Oh." I turned the car around and headed back up the road, thinking, yeah, she just might find a way to make things work. I turned up the pleasant little street that led to the house and up the dead end road, turned and backed into the driveway, it was empty; no one was there. "This is it? It's nice." I turned the engine off, got out, went around and helped her. I decided to leave things and take her inside. I took her arm and led her up the walkway to the wood railed porch and up the few steps. I opened the door and stood aside as she went in and looked around. "This is really nice!" "I bought all the furniture at yard sales, found a few nice things, all I could afford." "For your sons?" "Yeah, and a girl friend, ahm, she is expecting." "Oh, uhm, not your girlfriend? She grinned evilly. "No, not mine, my oldest son's" I gave her a peek at the dining area and the kitchen. "Table cost a whole fifteen dollars. I spent a month refinishing it." She looked and ran her fingers over the surface. "You did all that?" I blushed a little, "Yeah, I like working with wood. Let me refill that bottle?" She blinked but retrieved the bottle and shook it. "Oh! She drank it all." "She might need changed again. I will go get some things, do you mind looking at the rest of the house by yourself?" She smiled. "Not at all, go ahead, just hurry back, I miss you already!" I returned her smile and squeezed her arm. It took only a few minutes to find what was needed. She was waiting at the door for me, baby still in her arms. The bedroom and the bathroom that are all clean and tidy, those are yours, right?' "Guilty." She smiled. "No, I just knew it. Do they cook?" "Not much." "That figures." I smiled and showed her the box of diapers, "Your turn." She tilted her head down and looked at me from the top of her eyes. "Meany!" "Hey, ya gotta learn. I did my bit." I led her back to my room and spread out a waterproof pad. "They leak sometimes." The Girl on the Beach Ch. 01 "Should I wake her?" "I'll fix a bottle. She's a little irritated already, you need to keep her dry and clean until that heals." "Oh." I took some things to the kitchen and left some with her. I found a new insert and made and heated the formula and tested it again, just about right. She had the baby on her lap, talking to it and making faces when I came back. "She wasn't even wet!" "Ah. Maybe a little dehydrated. I don't know how long she was on that beach by herself." That brought a look of sadness to her face. "She will never be alone again! I promise you that, baby girl. "Oh! Her name?" "I looked at the birth certificate; 'Mary', a religious name. I don't like it." "I don't either. There are papers? You didn't tell me. But, that's a good thing, yes?" I smiled and handed her the bottle. "She should drink as much as she will. I have some apple juice too, for later." Grace put the bottle in the baby's mouth and stifled a yawn with her other hand. "Oh, my, sorry." I smiled and touched her arm. "I think you are both tired out. Why don't you take a nap with her? I will get unloaded and start putting things together." "I should help. I want to help." "You should rest, Grace, I really think you should. You couldn't have gotten much sleep on the beach last night. Try to sleep? I will be here." She blinked and looked around the room. "You don't have any decorations in here, none?" "I just sleep in here. Computer is in the dining room and I go for a lot of walks when the weather is good, and I like to garden." "Oh." She yawned again and blushed. "Maybe I should close my eyes for a little while. You won't mind?" "Not at all; I think you should." She gave me a long look, then adjusted the pillows and pulled the covers down a little. I helped cover her up and tucked her in and get her situated with the baby in her arms. Her eyes were drowsy as she looked up at me. I put my hand on her forehead and brushed the hairs away, lowered my face and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "Rest well. Dream about good things." She smiled. "I'll try. So much has happened, so fast. I am really glad we met, John, thank you for everything." "Sleep. I will look in on you now and then." "You better!" The Girl on the Beach Ch. 02 3 I made a few thumps and bumps with the boxed bed and high chair, but I tried to be as quiet as I unloaded and brought everything inside to the mostly vacant room just off the dining area. I cleaned out the Blazer and sipped at the now cold coffee, considered fixing something stronger then made a cup of instant instead. I removed the high chair and the baby bed from their boxes and took them out the back sliding door to the large deck. Might have use for the cardboard later. Okay, so I am a compulsive pack-rat, I keep just about everything. I stayed out on the deck in the afternoon sunshine long enough for another cigarette and thought I needed to curtail smoking around the baby. It was a 'no smoking' rental anyway and we only smoked out on the deck or down in the garage area, so it wasn't much of a problem. I decided to unpack the baby food and other small items to make more room to put the bed together. I moved things around in the cupboards and cleared one completely that held all the baby things. Made sense to me. I had taken my shoes off and pattered quietly back and peered through the slightly open door to my bedroom. Both we sleeping. Good. The chair was easy. Just remove the plastic and the tags, unwrap the tray and that was done. The bed was a little more difficult. I was reading the instructions when the telephone on the wall chirped. I quickly took it off the hook and answered. It was my oldest son. He told me they had decided to go camping for a few days and that he would be coming by in a while to pick up some things and asked if I could spare twenty dollars. I smiled and told him I could. Then I wished I hadn't said that. I logged into my bank account on the computer and double checked the balance. It was going to be a tight squeeze for the final week of the month but do-able, even with the extra twenty going out. I always kept a little cash on me...just in case. I left the baby bed and opened the changing table and plastic bath tub, wishing I had maybe just decided to use the sink to bathe the baby, save a few bucks...but...what the hell; what was done, was done. I looked at the time and decided Grace might be hungry again when she woke and went looking through the cupboards and the refrigerator for easy things that she might like. I decided on tuna-fish sandwiches, soup and a salad with cottage cheese and some store bought puddings for a dessert. I like to chop pickles and olives into the tuna salad, but I held off on the onions and used mayonnaise but not the spicy mustard I usually added. The bread was fresh; I made four complete two slice sandwiches, cut them diagonally and arranged them on plates, made a quick salad of lettuce, tomato and cucumber with a dollop of cottage cheese in the center then covered both plates and put them back in the frig. I had the bed figured out. It was constructed so it could be put together and then folded into a smaller unit. I unwrapped the mattresses and blankets and was looking for a place to put the refuse when I heard a faint noise down the hall. I smiled as a sleepy-eyed grace was struggling to tape a new diaper in place. I gently nudged her aside and completed the task and put the clothes back on the passive child. "You are so easy with the baby, and gentle, I just can't get that into my head!" I smiled. "Comes with much practice, Grace, you'll get it all figured out; it's really not that difficult." "She was just a little wet and made a little mess. Should she have another bottle now?" "Ah, I think some food and juice this time and maybe a little preventive medicine. She was cold and wet and babies get colds and temperatures at the drop of a hat. I think I will put some cold and fever medicine in her food, she will never taste it." Grace just blinked at me as I handed her the baby and went back to the kitchen. I warmed up three different jars, hoping the baby would find them to her taste, as Grace watched and walked around the unfamiliar kitchen. "I put all the baby food up here, including the formula and the extra bottle stuff." "Okay." I scooted a chair next to the dining table and pulled the high chair close and pointed. Grace fitted the baby into the chair and fumbled to figure how to open and close the clamps of the tray. I arranged the baby food jars, napkins and small plastic spoon on the table top. "Ah, almost forgot!" I got up rummaged around and found the unopened three pack of bibs and took one out. "Saves changing a top shirt, this can get to be a messy process sometimes..." She was one hungry little girl and didn't seem to mind which jar I spooned into her mouth. I glanced at Grace and then stood up and handed her the spoon. She smiled and took over. Each jar was less than half full when the little girl put a hand up and pushed the spoon away. Grace giggled and I smiled. I fixed a bottle of juice and decided to warm it to mask the teaspoon of medicine I added. "Let's see how smart she is..." I placed the bottle on the tray in front of her and she immediately reached out with both hands and put the nipple in her mouth. "Smart kid!" Smiled Grace. I nodded. "Yup." Then I went to the refrigerator and brought the light meal to the table and placed it before Grace. Milk or a soda?" "You did all this? I never knew men could do half the things you do. Gosh...do I have a lot to learn!" "Hope you like the tuna, most people do. Tomato soup okay?" "Fine. And maybe a healthy milk, I guess...have to stay healthy now." I heated the soup and got crackers out and we had just taken a few sips and bits when there was a sound from the front room and a voice sounded. "Hey, Pa, you here?" Grace appeared startled. "Sorry. My son called, said he was coming by, I forgot." I stood and reached out a hand to shake his but he remained wide-eyed, staring at Grace and the baby and forgot to lift his hand. I lowered mine. "This is...." Grace smiled. "I'm Gabby, Gabrielle; your dad found me on the beach. This is Abby, Abigail, and she is mine. You are John's son?" My son, Johnathan, Nathan for short, just blinked and worked his mouth. "Ah, yeah, his son, ah...he found you on the beach?" Grace blushed. "Long story, kid. Got some extra sandwiches, tuna, and soup, if you want?" "Hey, you know me; always hungry pa!" I handed him the plate with the extra sandwiches, he took one, glanced from Grace back to me and back again, took a sandwich and headed for the bedroom. "Gonna get some things, got people waiting, gotta go. Nice to meet you Gabby, thanks dad, see ya later!" Grace and I went back to eating, the baby happily gurgling. I got up and opened a packet of sweet baby cookies and broke up two of them on the tray; she immediately put the bottle down and reached for them with both hands. Nathan took all of three or four minutes before he came through with his arms loaded. "See ya later, Pa! Uh, oh, dad?" I remembered and pulled the twenty out of my pocket and stuffed it between his fingers. "Thanks! I'll get it back to you in a few days. You guys be good!" There was a mildly disapproving look on Grace's face, but to her credit, she said nothing. Graces eyes were full. "I can see him in you, or you in him...you as his age, oh, my, how I wish..." I handed her a napkin. "Hey, what's this all about?" She dabbed her eyes. "Nothing. Just being a silly girl, but, it was so strange seeing your son as you might have looked like as a young man, really, really strange." The baby made a mess on her hands and arms and face and the tray as she ate a little and mooshed most of the cookies. "Gabby and Abby, eh? Thas cute!" She smiled and blushed. "It just came to me when I woke up to her crying. I never liked my name and I really don't like 'Mary', do you mind?" "You want me to call you Gabby?" Her eyes were glistening. "I think I do, John. I want to start all over with a new life, a new me, a new future and the name Gabrielle, makes me feel special." I smiled. "I will try, but I think you will always be 'Grace', to me and it does kind of fit you; you have been very graceful in handling all of this." She blushed and turned her attention to the baby. "You were right, she made a big mess. Should I give her a bath? Her hair doesn't smell clean like it should." I thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think so; I just gave her a quick wipe before, but make it as quick as you can, I don't want her to get cold. I'll get everything set up here on the counter, you can find a change of clothes for her and stuff?" I had to smile as Grace, ah, Gabby, placed her hand behind the baby's neck and lowered her into the warm water of the tub and coo'ed to her as she splashed water and seemed to enjoy the attention. I went into the living room and the fireplace and decided to light a fire even though it was warm in the house. I liked sitting before a fireplace, a real one, and watching the flames dance in their many colors. Gabby didn't call for help and I didn't poke my nose in the kitchen and she soon came into the front room with the baby wrapped in a furry blanket with a bottle in her mouth. "Oh! The fireplace really works? And it is real? Not gas fired or something? I never saw a real one, but I can smell the wood-smoke!" "Do you like it?" "Love it!" She chose the rocking recliner I purposely left for her and had turned toward the fireplace, settled into it, rocked and gazed with me into the fire as it crackled and burned. It was a very pleasant feeling. There wasn't much daylight left and it darkened quickly as neither of us spoke but seemed content to watch the fire and sort through our separate thoughts. "She's asleep again. Is she supposed to sleep so much?" Gabby said quietly. "Full belly, happy baby; yeah, they sleep a lot at that age, but not always for long periods of time. She may wake up every few hours." Gabby continued to rock gently, her eyes closed, a strange expression crossed her face. "John...I want to put her in her bed, I want to take a bath and soak, but I don't want to leave her alone for a minute. I know that is wrong...." I searched my mind for the answers, the right words, the right tone of voice. "I don't really know what to say Gr...ah, Gabrielle...I know it is important for you to bond with her, become her mother, important for both of you. But she is also a person in her own right...she needs the space and the time to be alone and become aware that she is a separate person..." "I understand...but I just don't want her to feel alone, ever again...is that silly?" "Not silly, Gabby...ah, but maybe a little selfish...ah, you need her too, but...I think you have to back off a little, for both of you. Let me get her bed in my room and get it ready and you can run a bath. I will stay with her until you come out. Okay?" I glanced at her but she did not take my eyes. "You're right, I know you are, but why does it hurt so much to think of her being alone? Don't answer, sorry, I will work it out." I rolled the baby bed down the hall and into the room, made a few adjustments in the furniture and then opened it. Close fit in the small room, but it would work. I got the bottom and top mattress and the pad and the fitted sheet and made the bed. Gabby didn't appear as I finished the bed and looked up. I went into my sons bathroom and fond the girls bath oil, took it into my bathroom and started to draw a bath. When I came out of the bathroom Gabby was in the doorway to the bedroom, looking back. "The baby-bed really looks nice. You did a good job; the little pillow and everything. Thank you." "Hey, she's my baby too, ah, kinda?" I smiled a crooked smile. The attempt at humor didn't register on her face. "I didn't think to buy pajama's or a robe and stuff..." "Ah, I have a robe you can use, gonna be a bit big I think, but pajama's, ah, I have a triple X large T shirt my son bought me that I never wear, would that work?" She finally smiled. "Beggars can't be choosers now, can they? Sounds fine to me. You will sit with her until I come out?" I smiled. "Sure. But I'm gonna stir the fire and add some wood first." "I'll wait." Stubborn girl, I thought as I tended the fire. I looked up. "Gonna get a beer and a smoke. You can wait if you want." She gave me a puzzled look and then a wan smile and nodded. I paced the back deck until she joined me, apologized, asked for a cigarette and sipped from my beer. "I am being a brat. Please forgive me?" I smiled. "Been a big day." We smoked and sipped and paced until the chill brought a shiver to her. "I'll be in, in just a moment." She was standing in the bathroom doorway. "You found all the things you need? Fresh towels here in the closet, washrag, soap, ah you have shampoo?" "Yeah, I got everything, thank you, John, thank you so much." I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes and thought of the day's events and the future. The baby stirred occasionally but lightly and continued to sleep. I could hear a splash now and then from the bathroom. I think I dozed off because the sound of a hair dryer made my eyes blink awake and I sat up and looked at the baby in her bed. I heard the door open. She stood in the door way to the bedroom. "I feel ever so much better and clean! That was so nice. The bubble bath?" "I snitched it from my son's bathroom." "I didn't think you used it." The baby stirred, at the sound of her voice I think. She blushed and put her hand over her mouth and backed out of the doorway. I returned the bubble bath and joined her back in the front room before the fireplace. It wasn't cold but I found an extra blanket and draped it over her. "I have never had anyone look after me the way you do. Do you treat all of your women like this?" I had to chuckle at that. 'All my women', had been few and far between as the years drifted by. "Yeah, all of them, they seem to like it." She looked amused and tossed an askance glance my way. I stood up and went to the computer and brought up a play list of music and adjusted the volume and then returned to the recliner next to hers. "Hope you like the music." "It's nice...quiet, but...well more than that...ahm, romantic, kinda?" "Latin Jazz...yeah, sexy and sad...is how I describe it. I like it." "Me too." "I'm gonna smoke again and get another beer, you?" "No, a coke maybe?" "Sure..." I brought her the soft drink and went back out to smoke. This time I put a jacket on as the evening still had a chill to it. The Oregon coast almost always has a sea breeze that cooled things off quickly, me included. I took my time, finished the smoke and almost the entire sixteen ounces before I went back in. I immediately heard the baby crying and noticed that Gabby was not before the fire. I put the empty can in a recycle bag and wandered back to the bedroom. "She won't stop crying! She doesn't want the bottle! What is wrong with her, why is she crying?" Gabby looked a little panicked. I touched my hand to my cheek. "Put your hand on her forehead, see if she is hot, my hands are too cold." "No, not hot, just warm, normal, I think. John?" "She might have a tummy ache, she ate quite a bit, ah, pull her shirt up and massage her stomach from top to bottom, gentle like..." Gabrielle rubbed the baby's belly softly for a minute or so until the sobs lessened and then a little later, an obvious sound of relief as she filled her diaper. Gabby grimaced. "That's disgusting!" I had to laugh. "Babies can be a bit gross now and then...get used to it, kid!" I went to smoke again a left her to make the repairs and of course, I had to chuckle and smile as I did. When I went back in she was rocking the baby with a bottle in its' mouth before the fireplace. "You sure skipped out in a hurry, mister!" I laughed, stirred the fire and sat down next to her. "It will be another year or so before you can potty train her. Good luck on it." She glared at me. "Mean old man!" The baby looked up at the sound of her voice and pushed the bottle away. "Seems like she is wide awake, ahm, she can walk, remember on the beach?" Gabrielle looked at me wide eyed. "Gosh, I forgot all about that. Let her walk in here?" "Well, not near the fireplace, the stone front is dangerous, maybe in the room where the computer is? This house is not baby proof, any sharp object is a threat, you have to watch her close." As soon as she put the baby on the tile floor, she took off exploring the room. Gabby stared wide-eyed as the little girl found tiny things on the floor and tried to put them in her mouth and then found the wires to the computer and printer. "My gosh, how do you keep up with her, keep her safe?" "Hmmm...I didn't think to get a playpen; couldn't afford one anyway, but, we might need one." I rummaged through the remaining packages and found a few crib toys I had forgotten, unwrapped them and soon Gabby and Abby were playing with toys before the fireplace, both making happy sounds. Another pleasant feeling washed over me. She looked up into my face a few minutes later. "You are feeling it too, aren't you?" I nodded and smiled. The baby soon tired. I fixed a warm bottle and Gabrielle took her off to bed and came back yawning. I smiled. "It wouldn't hurt you to sleep as well, kid." She sat on the edge of the recliner and gazed into the dwindling fire. "John, I want to sleep next to her." "Okay, I can take my sons bed in the small room, no problem." "John...." "Yeah...?" "I want you right next to me, not in another room, I need you close." I kept silent for a moment. "Well, I have some sleeping bags in the closet. I can put those on the floor and bunk out there for the night, I guess." "No. I won't take your bed. I can sleep on the floor." "If you want, I don't mind the floor." I dug the sleeping bags out and spread them in the small space left between the baby's bed and my single bed; it was a small room that was suddenly crowded. I found a small silver/blue night-light I had stowed away and plugged it in, then went to the bathroom and changed into my pajama's. I made the rounds in the house as I usually did, locked the front door and the sliding door and the one from the garage to the kitchen. I turned off all the lights but the night light in the kitchen and bathroom, then went back into my room. I stepped carefully over her feet and climbed into bed, stretched out and groaned my usual groan as I allowed my muscles to relax after a long day. "You okay down there, girl?" "Yeah, fine, it's okay. Thank you. I just didn't want to be away from you, not yet, sorry." "No problem. Goodnight, Grace, goodnight baby girl." "Goodnight, John, thank you for everything." I assumed my normal sleeping position, all sprawled out, half on my side, half on my stomach taking up the entire bed. I was near sleep when I heard her stir and then felt her climb into the bed alongside me. "Grace...not a good idea." "I'm sorry John, I need to be close to you. I don't want sex or anything but it just seemed so silly lying there, hearing you breathe and, I, well, I need to be near you, it has been a real strange day for me." I took a deep breath. "I'm old but not dead, girl, I don't trust myself with you, really, I don't" "Well, I trust you. I know you won't do anything and I just want to sleep next to you, that's all." I took another deep breath and let forth a long sigh. "I can't stand being trapped next to the wall. I need to sleep on the outside, sorry, been that way my whole life, gotta have a way out if I need one." "I would have to climb over you if the baby needs me?" "Yeah, I know." We made the switch, more than a little awkwardly, but finally with my back to her and hers to mine we tried to find a way to sleep in the tiny bed. After a while I felt her move and turn and her arms slip around my waist. She cuddled close to me and I could feel her warmth and her breasts against my back. I closed my eyes and tried to think of an ice cold beer. The Girl on the Beach Ch. 02 It seemed to work. I felt myself drifting off to sleep. I had, after all, been quite a long day...in many ways. ******* Somewhere, far off in the distance, someone was calling my name. Strange, I thought to myself and tried to ignore the sound. But I could not push the sound away, a soft, 'John....' kept irritating me. Then again, a little closer and louder. 'John...please!' Then. 'John! You should stop!' "John! Wake up!" I opened my eyes and blinked. "Is it the baby? Is she all right? What's wrong?" "John...." I tried to focus in the dim light around me. I looked around and then down into Grace's face and my eyes opened really wide and I gasped. "Oh, God! What did I do?" I felt her hand lightly on my face. "You didn't, but you were just about to!" I blinked again and tried to focus. I was on top of her, between her legs and her breasts were bare beneath my chest, the T-shirt bunched up under her neck, Oh, my fucking God, what happened? I tried to roll off of her and almost fell out of the bed. I tried to move the other way and she held onto my shoulders, so I just scooted down and rested my head on her stomach with my feet hanging over the end of the small single bed. I am so sorry, Grace, I really am, I don't know what happened, I am so sorry..." She laughed lightly and I felt her tummy jiggle and her fingers in my hair. "You were making love to me in your sleep you silly man. I didn't believe it at first, I thought you were awake and had just decided you wanted me. I mean you were kissing me really nice and running your hands all over me and I was loving it, I wanted you to, I needed you to. "But then you pulled the shirt up and were kissing my breasts and your hand went down there and I tried to see your face, but your eyes were closed. I still thought you were pretending to be asleep. "Even when you rolled over on top of me, I had panties on...but you just pushed them aside and I knew you were going to....and then I looked at your face again and your eyes were still closed. I pulled your hair a little and you just kissed me again, hard. "I was going to just let you love me but I thought, what if you are really asleep? I know you said you wouldn't and I had never heard of anyone, ah, doing it while they were asleep, but John, I had to stop you, I mean, not for me, I wanted you to, but for you....I was so confused, I still am... "Do you want to make love? It's okay, it really is, I want you to...John?" I listened to her and felt the rise and fall of her stomach as she breathed and talked. I knew what had happened...it wasn't the first time. "Grace, Gabrielle, I apologize, I really do. You are lovely and I do want to make love to you, but I won't, I can't; it just isn't right and we both know it. I knew we should not sleep together, but you sounded so alone...I should have just slept in the other room. It is my fault. It won't happen again. I promise you that." She put her hand on my back as I sat up and moved to the side of the bed. "I never knew there were men like you, John. I don't understand at all, I would be happy if you made love to me, if you held me as close as you could, like you were, it felt wonderful, I did not want to stop you, I shouldn't have, we could have worked it out, I know we could have, even if you were really asleep, I knew you were thinking of me. John...?" "I don't know what to say...and I am having a difficult time with your name change...to be truthful, I am really confused about a lot of things right now. I wasn't even sure I...ahm, could, any more...." She had a little giggle. "Oh, you could have! I felt you on my leg you were big and hot and hard, you sure could have!" I smiled and kissed her forehead. "Well. that is good to know, anyway, but, I really am sorry...in my sleep of all things...I knew it was not a good idea for us to sleep together." She sat up behind me and embraced me. "I was afraid it might hurt and then I was afraid I wouldn't know what to do...but I wanted you, so much...I just didn't want you to feel bad if you did...now I wish you had...maybe someday?" I knew what she had just told me. "Thank you for waking me, Grace. It was the right thing to do. You will find a young man who loves you to learn about love from; that is how it should be, I think." She was silent for a moment. "But if I wanted to learn it from you...is that wrong, John, would it be wrong somehow?" I took a deep breath. "I am going to sleep in my son's room. If you need me to help with anything, just call me, okay?" She didn't say another word as I left the room and curled up in the other tiny single bed down the hall.