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Sometimes It's Just Not Worth It...

By: BrisbaneBorn



My name is Michael, I'm 27, about average in every department you could think of, black hair, hazel eyes. I'm not ashamed of anything about myself, I don't wish anything was bigger, smaller, more muscular... anything like that. I'm happy with who I am. 

I was also happy in my relationship with Dani, my partner of just over twelve months. I could lie about how she looked, 'oh she had a slim as hell waist, her boobs are 44dd' etcetera, etcetera, but that would make me a liar now wouldn't it? I read the stories on here, every time I come across one of the stories that goes on about a wife looking like that, I keep thinking 'Am I the only man who isn't with a porn star?'

It happened around three months ago, I sit here writing this, god it's hard to put everything in such a cold manner, up on screen for people to read when the emotions run their gamut through me so bare with me.

We'd been together a little while, barely a year when our first child came along, a beautiful little boy named Lance. Her social life had died on its arse in the last few months as mine had, keeping house, working all the time, looking after Lance, it didn't leave a lot of time spare. 

Of course, I didn't have much of a social life to begin with so it wasn't affecting me as much as it was Dani. Every now and then I'd catch her crying in the bedroom, I'd ask her what was wrong, she'd simply tell me 'it's just my ladies thing'. I'd run a nice shower for her then massage her lower back for her for hours to try to make her feel better.

The time went by and she started asking me 'Do you mind if I go out clubbing tonight?', of course I knew how much she'd sacrificed over the last few months so I said 'Sure that's ok, I'll take care of the boy.' 

It got strange over a couple of weekends, I was going through my explorer and found a couple of entries for a certain website, not the usual porn ones Ive been known to look at. It didn't strike me as bad at first, I thought 'Maybe Dani's just been using some of it to get off while Im away at work?' After all, she's only human, we all get horny and need relief right?

So I clicked the URL, and some friend finder service came up. I didn't panic, as I've made friends off the net, proper friends who I haven't slept with or anything like that, surely she must be just looking for people to hang out with. At this point I understand some of you would instantly be screaming 'wimp partner, you should leave her!' but would the ends justify the evidence? Seriously, a url for a friends site, she might'nt be doing anything. And I trusted her, which to me was crucial.

So I noticed when I tried to enter the site, it asked me for a password, I couldn't figure it out after a while so I took note of her user name and checked out her profile. The strange bits that struck me were 'single, and looking'. At this point I became very wary... maybe she'd clicked the wrong option? I won't jump the gun... yet.

Of course, as weeks progressed this slipped to the back of my mind. It was always nagging me, always there, never going away. Just not as prominent as before. As the weeks went by her time of staying out got later and later. Progressively it went from midnight, to 2, to 3... one day she didnt come home til dawn. This had me frantic as I didn't know what had happened.

When she crawled in the front door, drunk as hell and messed up I looked at her. One simple sentence brought all hell's fury down on me. 'Where have you been?'

'I've been out fucking partying. I don't get a fucking social life any more because you got me pregnant you fucking cunt!' she screamed at me, 'You fucking ruined everything for me, I can't do jack shit now because I have to look after the baby and I fucking well have to look after you!'

She ranted on this way for a little, I let her, interested to see what she'd say. Of course, it was the drunken ramblings and rantings of someone who'd let emotions get out of hand. So I grit my teeth and walked back to the bedroom, grabbed her a pillow and blanket and told her to sleep it off in the hammock out the back under the shed. She stormed out, coldly.

In the morning, well her morning, my mid afternoon, I was sitting there, feeding our son. She walked in and hugged me from behind.

'You know, you were pretty nasty towards me Dani.' I said quietly. She looked at me, she had tears in her eyes, 'I know. I'm so sorry. Forgive me please.' I nodded my head. What'd it gain me if we fought more? After this, for a few weeks everything was cool. She came home around 12/1am, sometimes drunk but always at a respectable time. I wouldn't care if we had a child, but what would happen if I was called in on a sunday with only a mother to look after the child and she'd only had one hours sleep AND was hung over?

Now, I got myself a camcorder the day my boy was born, for those special moments, from his first feed, to his first steps, hell, to the first time he used his potty. Nothing captures a parent, and bores non parents, more than those things right?

Around three AM on a sunday morning, she stumbled into her house with her friend Kayla. Some guy was with them. I figured this was Kaylas guy or some guy she'd picked up. More than not, this girl was a slut, purely and simply put. I'm not a prude by any means, but I sure as hell am not into partner sharing or anything like that. Kayla however, well, shes usually got three or four boyfriends at any given time. She gets her hole plugged so often you'd think she never got off her back except to use the bathroom.

So anyhow, my bedroom was at the end of the hall, and being a fairly narrow, small house, I could see right down the hallway. The positioning of the lights, and a lamp in the hall, meant that I could see down into the illuminated loungeroom, but anyone looking back could merely see a black void where the bedroom was. 

This guy and Kayla started talking to Dani, it was all going great obviously, they were laughing and talking, never too loudly. They put some music on, Enya, the kind of music that goes on when you're winding down an evening.

Dani sat there, I could see her clearly, with a smile on her face, something I rarely saw these days.

I heard her say 'I'll check,' and she stood up, then 'Hang on I'll be back...' I realised she was walking up to here, to check the bedroom... to see if I was awake? Maybe she wanted me to come out for drinks to meet her new friend? Right?

So in she walks, stands above me. Me in the meantime? I've rolled onto my other side before she came in, closed my eyes and snored subtly, not giving away that I'm still awake. She walked out, I heard the door pull shut behind me. But no click? The latch hadn't caught. The door then opened a little and I could see the whole loungeroom again.

This time Kayla and her man were up dancing. He had taken off his jacket and was simply in a polo shirt and ¾ pants. They danced slowly together, moving back and forth. I heard Kayla say from where I was, 'Dani's getting bored.' 

Of course this didn't worry me. What did, what tore my heart from my chest came a moment later. The man took her by her hand and stood her up. Pulled her to him and danced slowly. I was a little taken aback. Finding a site on a computer, her clubbing times etcetera were one thing, but this was in the flesh. But it was only dancing so far, so no need to go overboard. I frowned to myself. 

Kayla stood up and took Dani by her hands, she pulled her away from the man. I really didn't like where this was going. The way she pulled her away, wasn't forceful, or a 'get away from my man' way, she'd taken her away and sat her down... alongside her.

The man stayed standing, Kayla pointed at his pants, he'd developed a rather obvious tent. 'Come on, show us!' Kayla said rather excitedly, her face grinning wickedly.

Dani shook her head, Kayla looked at her and cocked an eyebrow. Dani nodded slowly but pointed towards me again. I knew she was coming up here to check on me, so I sprawled face down on the bed. Snoring into the pillow I was, as she walked in. She didn't even bother closing the door on the way out, leaving it half shut. I did however hear the words 'Fucking loser.' as she walked out. In that one split second, I knew it was over.

I rolled back over once she'd left, I looked down the hall. My heart, like a dropped glass, shattered as I saw what she was doing. The man had pulled down his pants to show what he'd been hiding... but it was weird? Her reaction was one of amazement yet he was no bigger than I, he appeared no thicker than I, in fact once a girl described me having sex with her as her being 'coke canned'. I'm not particularly long, no 'foot and a half long monster', but my thickness is pretty damn good. And that's what I've found satisfies more. At least that's what I'm told.

Kayla was stroking this guy now, slowly, his erection grew until it was at full length, the head of it poking out the top like some purple monster in a turtle neck sweater. She was now working it with her hands, rubbing up and down the shaft with one, licking the head of it, and slowly massaging his balls with the other. Dani, had remained where she was, she looked terrified, always looking my way, waiting to see if I'd come flying out the door. 

I wasn't turned on by this. Rather the opposite. I didn't find joy in watching my fiance do this sort of thing? Instead, I was busy getting the camcorder out of the bedroom cupboard silently.

Kayla continued working the shaft, licking and sucking the head, the occasional 'pop' sound making its way down the hallway. At one time the guy groaned, Dani let out a loud 'SHHH!' louder than the noise he made ironically... 

Eventually Kayla stopped, she looked at Dani and nodded. Dani nodded back and put her hand on him. I had the camera going now, showing this whore jerking him back and forward, back and forward, smiling at him, now she was lowering her head onto it, taking him into her mouth, down the back of her throat. Given my size, and his lack of, I'm guessing it was no stretch for her. Pun not intended.

It wasn't on the whole, particularly erotic for them either I'm guessing. After a little while, Kayla pulled Dani's pants off and threw them onto the other couch. Dani shook her head rapidly. Kayla nodded hers and mimed a 'shhhh' sound towards Dani. The man knelt down in front of Dani, he was, by now naked, fully. The camcorder was loving every moment of this I can assure you. He buried his head between her legs, her legs went up and over his shoulders, wrapping around his neck, her head thrust backwards. I could see she was enjoying it. Hell, I could see she was getting no guilty feelings either. It was definitely over. The only thing to do was to let her bury herself deeper and deeper in the shit with this tape.

After a while, he'd finished, Kayla laid now on the couch, naked, masturbating. God she was ugly. Not in looks, but just her in general, you know the type? They can look gorgeous but the attitude just makes them hideous.

The man stood up and wrenched Dani to her feet, not exactly gently either, he spun her around, hands against the wall and knelt down a little. His left hand found her tit, he was groping, rather forcefully I might add, his right hand was around the base of his cock. He suddenly arched upwards as he drove his cock in one motion up inside her. Dani lifted up, her face scrunched. That was not pleasant... she felt pain. Good. I could see from here as he drove up into her that she really wasn't enjoying it much. 

He fucked for around two minutes before tensing up. His ass muscles clenching, he was shooting his load up inside her. She looked around, Kayla was in the throes of her own orgasm. What she'd done was obviously starting to hit her. She said 'It's time for you guys to go...' as she hurried around, gathering her stuff. I left the camera go a minute or so longer, then turned it off. By that time, they were gone, the guy tried to kiss Dani, she'd pushed him away telling him to get out. He laughed and walked out saying out loud 'See you next week baby.'

Hell, I could've intervened but what for? Obviously it was over, obviously theres nothing to save, we weren't even married and she was cheating. We had a brand new kid and she was screwing around on me. To hell with her.

So the lights started to go off, she was getting ready to come to bed. I turned on the lamp next to me, and sat, rewatching the video in the camcorders view panel.

Dani walked in a minute later, hearing noises from the camcorder, she hurried in.

'Oh my god...' was about all she got out.

'Dani, you better sit down and keep your mouth closed,' I said coolly, collectedly, 'At this point, anything you say is just going to make what needs to happen a lot worse...'

To be continued...

Sometimes It's Just Not Worth It... Ch. 02



'Michael...' she started to say, 'I just.' Suddenly Dani flinched backwards, jerking back across the bed.

I don't remember ever raising my hand to a woman in my life, I don't remember lifting my arm at her. But suddenly there it was, raised in the air, my hand open in a slap position... It never came down, I looked at it up in the air, ready to strike her. I could'nt believe what I was about to have done.

I pulled my hand down. My eyes slowly filling with tears. I looked at my boy, sleeping in his cot at the end of my bed, our bed. 

'You fucked another man in my house. You fucked another man in my house and worse still you fucked a man in MY house with OUR son sleeping only thirty or so feet away.'

Dani looked at me, shaking her head. 'No no no honey I swear you have it wrong, he forced me! They forced me! I didn't enjoy it!'

I smiled, not a smile of joy, not a smile of relief, but one of contempt for this lying bitch.

'I quit a full time job for you. I came out here and left my friends behind for you Dani, when I found out you were pregnant. I gave up my whole life more or less. I gave it up to be with you.'

She moved slowly back towards me, carefully, I think she believed I may try to hit her again. 'Mike... they did force me...'

'Dani you're nothin but a fucking liar.' I seethed at her, looking her straight in the eyes. I flipped the cameras viewscreen open. It showed her, bucking her ass up and down on the mans cock, sliding up and down, clearly not being forced. 

'Yeah you were forced, that screams to me right there rape hey? I mean, sure you let him put it in, you sucked his cock of your own volition, hell you even let him lick you! I mean, don't mind the fact I'm down here and within earshot WITH a gun in the house able to defend you from a rapist. But hey Dani, lets stick with the rape theory because it sounds so much fucking better than 'Oh I was so enjoying sucking this guys dick whilst my fiance sleeps the night away in the other room!'

Dani burst into tears. 'We hardly do anything any more though...' she said to me, spluttering. 'We hardly do anything and you hardly ever make love to me. When was the last time you tried properly?'

They say that every breakdown of a relationship can be attributed to two people, it's indeed true. No relationship is ever ended from a sole side. There's always some small percentage given to the other person, I guess, just by being in it in the first place. What extent had I added to this I wonder?

'Do you remember when we first met Dani? I took you to Southbank. Remember that? I didn't have a car and you did?'

Dani looked over at me and nodded her head, she opened her mouth to speak.

'Shut it. Let me finish.' I snapped. 'You went home around ten, I didn't go with you. Decided to be the gentleman and not fuck you on the first date. Remember?'

She nodded her head, at least she was listening and not trying to butt in again.

'I ran into Pastel that night Dani. Pastel, my former girlfriend. Remember her too?'

She nodded her head again, her eyes narrowed...

'Pastel made it pretty damn clear that seeing as we hadn't had sex that night, that if I wanted it, I'd be able to go back to her place with her and she'd bang my brains out all night. What'd I say to her? I said no. I told her no because I felt something between us and didn't want to ruin it. Now, I've seen Pastel as recent as three months ago, and you know what? The offer was made again. Do you think I took it? No. And why's that? Because I have a partner who I made a damn commitment to. Others might like the idea of cheating behind their partners back, but to me it's sick. The ultimate violation of a relationship.'

Dani sat there, mouth agape. 'You never told me she offered you sex!' she started to raise her voice.

'It was a non issue. And its still not the issue. I turned it down flat. And now I sit here thinking Dani, how many other guys have you fucked? I'm BETTING this guy wasn't the first, seeing as it didn't exactly take much coaxing for you to suck on his dick let alone fuck him. Hell, you didn't even ask him to pull out. You're not even on the PILL Dani... or maybe you are and you forgot to tell me... after all, wouldn't want me asking questions would you?'

'I'm on the pill...' Dani looked towards the window, then down at the bed. She wiped her forearm across her nose, 'I've been on it for three months. And he wasn't the first.'

Whilst she had been looking towards the window I had clicked record again. I knew I wanted this information, I knew I'd need it again.

My chest clenched tightly, it felt like my heart was being sliced into ribbons. I managed to keep a straight cold face, but inside I was being torn up like wheat through a thresher.

I had to remind myself to breathe at one point, my mind was swimming, Dani sat there silently rocking back and forth, not noticing the camera was on. God bless digital camcorders hey? No moving parts, no noise when they start recording.

'I've had a few others.' She whispered. 'In this house? In this room?' I asked slowly. She nodded slowly. 'How many Dani...' She looked at me and said in amongst a sigh 'Does it matter?'. 

I guess I figured at this moment what was going to happen. I'd hear the number, I'd get angry and yell, she'd yell at me, we'd fight, we'd argue, eventually she may, in theory be able to talk me down or vice versa and then we may even make up. 

Like fuck.

It was over. I stood up and grabbed a bag, 'You're leaving???' she asked strangely perplexed. As she stood up, she grabbed my arm. 'Dani let go or I'll throw you across the room.'

'Don't leave Mike please don't leave! If you're not going to stay for me, stay for Lance!'

My anger boiled into hatred. Here was this whore, trying to use my beautiful son as leverage to get me to stay. How dare she. Such a beautiful innocent little boy and this dirty slut was trying to blackmail me with my love for him.

'Think of Lance Michael, this won't be good for him!'

'Dani if you don't shut your damn mouth right now I'll shut it for you! Dont you EVER try to use my son against me!'

I finished filling the bag. I grabbed a second one and started shovelling Lances stuff into it. Shirts, nappies, singlets, even his little duck pyjamas.

'You're not taking Lance!!!' she screamed at me. 'I'm taking our son. I'm taking him away from a dirty fucking slut like you. You call yourself a mother... I call you a whore who got inconvenienced by having a child. If you cared about your child you wouldn't be off partying every fucking weekend.'

'You can't take my boy. Child welfare won't allow it! They always side with the mother!' 

By now Lance was awake and crying. I picked him up in my arms, Dani stepped forward towards me to take him. 'Back off you bitch. I'm leaving and Lance is coming with me... you want to act like a slut... a whore... do it in your own private space and don't subject my son to your bullshit. I'm sure Child welfare would love to get a copy of the video clip along with the claims that you're running some sort of sex parlour here wouldn't they?'

She looked at the camera. I looked at it. In one quick motion she grabbed it. 'You fucking bastard... You're not going to do this!' She looked at it carefully... then at me. 'Well smartass, what if it were broken huh? Wheres your evidence then?' She threw it on the ground and stamped it into a thousand pieces. The casing cracking, lense went flying and hit my leg, little bits of plastic were everywhere. I sighed. 'Dani... it uses a high capacity memory card you idiot. I've already taken it out. Now, I'm going, Lance is coming with me. I'm never coming back. Neither is he. You want access, we'll figure that out later.'

Essentially that's how it ended. I walked out the door with my son in arm, putting him into the car, Dani ran behind me begging me to stay, asking me to leave our son with her. I told her no. I demanded full custody. Unfortunately, in Queensland, Child services does indeed favor the mother for custody of the child. Dani tried to gain full custody and almost succeeded, hell, a court date was set. I took her aside one day and popped open a portable dvd player. You can figure what was on it. The words 'I've got no problem at all walking in and showing them this...' were spoken. 

When we entered the room with the attorneys and judge, she'd had a convenient change of heart.

I guess threatening to not only send copies to her family, her friends, put it on the internet and send a copy of it to her workplace, a childcare facility, would'nt exactly bode well. With one fell swoop I could destroy her life. I could gain my revenge. But like I asked before. What would that gain?

Revenge is cold. It may feel good at first, but I'll be damned if it doesn't leave you feeling hollow and withdrawen afterwards. No matter how bad someone has been to you, do you really want to sink to their level? I guess in this case yes, but it wasn't without its sour aftertaste.

The decision was reached eventually. I would keep Lance, she would have him two weekends out of every month with the ability to visit him one extra day out of every week as well. The funniest part of it, I guess, is she pays ME child support... something that's pretty much unheard of in todays society.

She's told me, that every time she gives me money, its a physical reminder of what she's done, I'm glad because maybe, just maybe she'll treat her next partner somewhat better. But I doubt it.

Of course, I also DNA tested Lance, it took six weeks and cost five hundred dollars... pricey. You don't have any idea how much it tears you up inside to wait that long, wondering if you really are that boys dad or not. Noone knows I did this. It was a private sendaway DNA analysis kit. When the results came back in, I sat looking at them for an hour. Maybe I was best off living in ignorance, believing he was definitely mine, but there'd always be a nagging feeling...

So I opened the letter. And almost choked on tears when I read it was a positive match. My boy was indeed, my boy. Just the thought of him not being, nearly destroyed me. Now knowing he was, had rebuilt me better than ever.

A lot of people would sit there scratching their heads saying 'Wimp husband' or whatever, a lot of you sit there thinking 'Why didn't he beat the crap out of the guy' or 'I wouldn't have done that,' or 'a real man wouldn't of!' But the problem is, that as is obvious, the relationship at that point was dead. This was the final nail in the coffin. If you havent been there like I have and many others have, think yourself lucky. People fall out of love and stay with each other for the childs sake a lot of the time, and I guess in this case, this was my best opportunity to get out, with my son and leave that slut behind.

One day I'll meet another woman. I know I will and I'll meet someone worthy of me. Thats not arrogant, that's just asking for someone who shares my morals and standards. I'm not an asshole, I believe in monogomy and I won't take back a partner who cheats under any circumstances. My son is doing wonderfully, he sees his mother regularly. Oh and yes, I do have that memory card. Now burnt to over fifteen dvd's all sealed and addressed to the appropriate places, in a safe place.