29 comments/ 11352 views/ 1 favorites Seraphim and Theorem By: ABSTRUSE The scribe looked up from his desk meeting the eyes of the figure that stood before him. It was rare to see a 'watcher' in this section and he didn't know what to expect. He anticipated nothing less than a thug, rough around the edges and ready for trouble. "Phanuel sent for me." Said the watcher. The scribe was taken back by the gentle voice and the softness in the watcher's eyes. He smiled sweetly at the visitor and nodded in the direction of a large wooden door to his right. The watcher nodded back returning a slight smile of thanks. The door was as intimidating as the entity that waited behind it; the visitor paused taking a deep breath before knocking. After all, it's not everyday you're summoned by an Archangel. Phanuel was the Angel of Hope as well as Free Will; the one who had Satan in his power. What could he want with a lowly member of the Grigori? The door opened slowly and the watcher stepped inside to a grand office. The walls were lined with shelves overflowing with parchments, files and all the data needed to study the lives of every mortal being past, present and future. Amazingly enough the watcher still could recognize and read the symbols of the Angelic alphabet There were also star charts, maps of the world from beginning to present and charts indicating the areas that would need the most attention. Phanuel was hovering above taking down a leather bound book from one of the higher shelves. His magnificent wings reminded the watcher of how birds used the air currents to seem to float in one spot. The Archangel took notice of the figure in the doorway. "Sandahl, come in please. You're right on time." Said Phanuel. In the blink of an eye he was standing before the watcher. He extended his hand in greeting and then gestured to a chair. "Please, sit down. You must be tired." "Thank you sir. I didn't realize how long the trip was from Earth to this level of Heaven." Said Sandahl. "I'm sure you're curious as to why I've summoned you here?" asked Phanuel. He sat behind his large desk and opened the book he had retrieved earlier. Scanning the pages he arrived at the section he wanted and pushed the open book towards the watcher. "This is your assignment." "I don't understand sir, watchers normally don't get assignments. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but this is quite extraordinary you must admit." Said the watcher. "This is one of those rare exceptions and was approved by the Most Holy One. You'll see after reading through her file that things have taken a turn for the worse." Said the Archangel. Sandahl quickly skimmed through the pages looking over the life of a young woman. "I don't understand? What makes this mortal so different from any other?" inquired Sandahl. "Because this mortal is on the brink of one of the most important breakthroughs in the field of genetics. What she is to find will be the link that will unlock the secrets of the DNA code and give the world the information it needs to cure many of the most deadly of human diseases." Phanuel sat back and sighed deeply. "As you can see, she has given up all hope." "Again sir, I don't mean to seem disrespectful but aren't you the Angel of Hope?" asked Sandahl. "Yes I am, but this is one that I cannot interfere with, it needs to be handled by someone who understands the human mind. While we can only do so much, you as a Grigori have the ability to sense more and living on Earth you blend in with mankind more so than any angel." Said Phanuel. He then leaned forward and looked Sandahl square in the eye. "Sandahl, there is a complication you need to be aware of, the mortal time frame is very short. You have to complete this task no later than midnight on Christmas Eve." The watcher thought for a moment converting angelic time into mortal time. No way could this be accomplished in only 10 days time. Sandahl had never come into contact with a human this way. Most rescues were handled by a phone call to the police or in a rare instance; a watcher would intervene physically then quickly disappear before it was known they were even present. No angel or demon could perform miracles and this seemed like what was in order. "Sir, This task is impossible. It seems more of a job for the Son or...I'm just a watcher. In all my years on Earth I've had very few interactions with the humans, I'm not sure I can do this." Pleaded Sandahl. Phanuel rose from his seat and came around to where Sandahl was seated. Propping himself up on the edge of the desk, his wings gently folded behind him, he spoke gravely to the hesitant creature. He needed to be reassuring so he upped the ante. "My friend, I know that what is being asked of you is a tremendous mission indeed, but I assure you we have known you to be a good if not intense watcher. You are different from your counterparts. You're compassion for mankind has not gone unnoticed and for this the Most Holy One has granted you a special dispensation on completion of this mission." Encouraged Phanuel. Sandahl was beginning to become uncomfortable. It was bad enough to be discovered, but to be brought before the Hierarchy was above suspicion. The first Grigori, the original watchers were sent to guide humans but eventually became quite involved with mankind. They took on wives and had children, they taught man the ways of magical properties of herbs, how to read the stars and use divination. Soon they were considered corrupted and eventually summoned back to Heaven. God then sent the great flood not just to cleanse the Earth of mankind's sins, but also to cleanse it of the offspring of the union between the Grigori and humans. Their children the Nephilim, vanished from the Earth. Some of the Grigori had managed to remain hidden, taking on the guise of humans and continuing their job of watching over mankind. Remaining mostly solitaire they hid in the forests and the mountains until mankind developed and spread. They found they were able to hide within the bigger cities where it seems they are needed the most. If a watcher was identified by another angel they were immediately taken back to Heaven spending their days in the imprisonment of the 5th Heaven if they were good, or the 3rd Heaven if they were evil. The Grigori, despite their pleas to Enoch, were to remain imprisoned for 70 generations. At least that's the way Sandahl heard it to be, finding bits of information in libraries throughout the world, listening in to conversations and piecing together what seemed to be the truth. "How can I be sure that this dispensation you speak of is not imprisonment or banishment from Earth? My kind were hunted down and judged by the Heavens themselves." Replied Sandahl. "Relax my friend, it is not that way. We know of Grigori still on Earth and of the unions between angels and human. We have been watching the watchers for centuries. Even imperfection in Heaven is perfection. It has been said, to err is human, but to forgive divine and let me tell you, between us my friend, we have forgiven ourselves many times over for the treatment of our Brethren." Phanuel placed his hand on the angel's shoulder. "The Most Holy One has granted me permission to give you the gift of free will. Upon completion of this mission you will be granted the choice of staying on Earth as a watcher or returning to Heaven as an Angel of the 12th choir and become a guardian angel." "Hang on. I'm to be given a choice in my destiny?" asked Sandahl. "Yes, but the mission must be successful." Said Phanuel. "And if I fail?" asked Sandahl. "Then mankind will succumb to plagues of an apocalyptic proportion. Eventually life on Earth as it is now known will be no more." Phanuel rose from the desk and bid Sandahl to follow him. They stood before a great window where all of the Heavens could be seen in their glory. Sandahl had never seen the Heavens, being created on Earth as a child of an angel and a human woman. It was an incredible sight to behold. Phanuel thought that this small sampling of Heaven would make the offer seem much desirable. He wasn't tempting Sandahl, just showing a watcher what the life of an angel could be like. The choice would still ultimately be Sandahl's Placing his hands on the watcher's shoulders Phanuel again looked into the watcher's eyes. "I have complete faith in you, my child. I know that I have chosen well and that you will succeed. I have no doubt in your abilities what so ever." "I will do my best Phanuel, not only to serve Heaven but to do the job I was created for without hesitation." Promised Sandahl. Phanuel smiled and in this gesture Sandahl could feel the power and warmth of God's love. "Blessings to you my friend. Until we meet again on the appointed hour. I shall see you no more." Said Phanuel and with a quick wink added. "God's speed." December 15th. 10:46 p.m. "Miss? Miss? Can you hear me?" The man's voice seemed far away, like a dream voice calling to her. It wasn't a voice she knew. "Jesus Christ, looks like a slaughter here. Start an IV, she's going to need blood too." Her eyes were forced open and she saw a flash of light, first in the right eye, then the left. The black closed in on her and she lost consciousness. "Blood pressure is low, pulse...weak...she's still breathing on her own." When she opened her eyes again the room was very bright. It hurt her eyes. "Petra? Honey, can you hear me? Wake up now." Who was this woman she wondered? It's too bright she thought, too bright. "I must have died. I've passed over." Her eyes opened to see the shape of a woman hovering over her and a nametag that read "Angel". "Petra, do you know where you are honey?" asked the Angel. " "I'm in Heaven." It was morning when Petra finally woke. She was still groggy from the medication. Her arms felt like lead and her mouth was dry. She weakly turned her head and saw a doorway. Outside she could see the Nurse's station. She knew where she was now. It was when she raised her hand to her head to brush away a stray hair that she noticed the bandages on her wrists. She closed her eyes and tried to remember. It came to her in fragments. She had come home, threw her keys on the coffee table and went right into the bathroom. Her roommate wasn't home yet. She reached into the medicine cabinet for some aspirin and noticed the blade. It had been a long time since she had cut herself. She picked up the blade and closed the medicine cabinet. Her reflection took her by surprise. How did she not notice the dark circles under her eyes? Too many long hours in the lab that was it. Too many hours staring into a microscope trying to find the damn link, she was not getting any closer. She was tired of looking at DNA strands, mutating cells and trying to figure out the how's and why's. People die every damn day why should she think that what she was doing would make a difference? She wasn't any closer than she was three years ago. Let someone else do this; let them struggle with it all. She placed the edge of the blade against her skin and gave one good quick slash. There was no pain just a slight sting and then the warmth of the blood beading and then oozing out from her cut. She stared at the crimson droplets as they collected and smoothly slid down her arm leaving a red tinged stain before spattering to the tile floor. It was surreal to her; she saw blood everyday, blood filled with cells that were determined to destroy a body. Cells that killed off antibodies so infection could spread faster; Cells that would divide over and over until they multiplied into small colonies of diseases for which there was no cure. There was a world inside each droplet; a world she was familiar with but knew so little about, a whole other life. Each little cellular world confined to a slide and scrutinized to see how they socialize with antigens and viruses, the little wars that broke out with antibodies that would eventually turn on the body and the loss of so many T-cell soldiers. When you break it down into so many smaller parts you no longer see the big picture until it gets close to you. When it becomes personal is when you become more absorbed in it, you postulate and formulate. Life is broken down to equations and fragments of theories that become a large mosaic. Each part tessellated and shaped to try and fit only to be torn apart and refitted repeatedly. Patterns formed like the scars on her arms and legs from the repeat cuts that she made over the years. December 17th. Late morning The stocky nurse gave a quick knock on the door and opened the room. Petra shuffled in behind her clutching the plastic bag the hospital gave her to hold her belongings. "That's your bed there. Your roommate should be back from therapy soon. I think you two will get along." Said the nurse. Petra stood off to the side surveying the room. The plainly made bed looked uninviting next to the single nightstand. Off to the side was situated a small closet and a three-drawer chest, everything was off white. She felt like if she stood still she would blend into her surroundings. "Wake-up is a seven with meds and breakfast. Lunch at 11:30. Afternoons are your group sessions and doctor's visits. Dinner is at 5:00 and the rest of the time is yours until bed check at 9:00." The nurse had opened the blinds in the room letting in the filtered light of a perfectly gloomy day. "If you need anything the nurse's station is down the hall. Well, don't just stand there, put your things away until your other things are brought here." Petra stepped over to the bed and dropped her bag down. "Can I smoke in here?" "Smoking is done in the rec room only. There's no smoking in the bathrooms or hallways." The nurse looked at Petra and gave a slight smile. "It's always hard the first day, but once you're here a while you develop a routine." "I don't plan on being here that long." Said Petra fishing through her bag for her cigarettes and a lighter. "Can I make a phone call?" "Yes. There are pay phones across from the nurse's station." The nurse sighed and walked out the door. Petra went through the pockets of the pants she was wearing the day they brought her in looking for change. "Fuck!" "Hey, we haven't even met yet." Said a voice behind her. Petra jumped back from the girl who sauntered into the room. She stared at the girl's scarred arms out in full view from the t-shirt she was wearing. Petra only wore long sleeves and pants. The girl walked over and put out here hand to Petra. "You can shake my hand, I don't bite." Laughed the girl. "Angel. Angel Sandahl. Welcome to the Cutting room." Petra smiled slightly and shook the girls hand. "Petra Braga. So, are we a club of two members?" "Only in this room." She pointed to Petra's bandages. "I see you're still fresh." Petra pulled her hand away and crossed her arms over her chest. "Yea, I guess you can say that." "Hey you don't have to be embarrassed around me, I'm the last person who will judge you. I let you judge yourself." She said. Petra didn't say anything in return; there was nothing for her to say. She watched as Angel went over to her nightstand and pulled out her cigarettes. She noticed she was thin but muscular; her jet-black hair was in contrast to her light blue eyes. Her blue jeans were well faded and she wore black work boots. It was her smile that offset a tough street look; her smile was warm and almost infectious. "I see you have your smokes too, shall we?" asked Angel. "Huh? Um...yea." Replied Petra and followed the girl out of the room. As they walked down the hallway Angel greeted some of the other residents telling Petra what each one was there for and for how long. They walked into the recreational room and took a table near the window. The room was probably the cheeriest place in the ward. The sky blue walls were dotted with sponged on clouds, there were tables and chairs on one side and couches and a few recliners on the other side. In the center was the one and only television, which was showing "It's a Wonderful Life" on a loop. "I hate that movie." Said Petra as she blew a puff of smoke over her head. "Why? Not a Jimmy Stewart fan?" asked Sandahl. "No, not a big fairy tale fan." Said Petra. "What you don't believe in angels?" said Angel feigning shock as she clutched her chest. "I don't believe in bullshit." Said Petra. "Aren't we the cynical one?" asked Angel. "I just don't believe in that trivial anagogic propaganda. Angels and Demons? Cut me a break." Petra rolled her eyes. "I'm rooming with a heretic, eh? One of those 'If I can't see it, it's not real' types." Said Angel. "I'm left brained...and I don't want to get into a big conversation about theological folklore." Said Petra stubbing out her cigarette. "I'm going to go lie down for a while." Sandahl watched as Petra walked back to their room. She had no idea how she was going to pull this off. Her mind quickly scanned over the files on Petra, she would need to find a link, something compatible to make her drop her guard and let Sandahl inside her head. Petra threw herself down on the bed and covered her eyes with her arm. How did she end up here? It wasn't long before she drifted off into a brief sleep and began to dream. She found herself in front of her microscope looking in on a fresh slide of blood. As she focused the lens she felt herself starting to get smaller and smaller. Her sleeping mind was trying to be logical, this wasn't possible she told herself as she started to fall landing with a splash. She tried to get herself upright as the cells bumped up against her pushing her every which way. The moving erythrocytes, leucocytes and platelets produced small waves in the plasma. Suddenly she felt herself being lifted up by her arms. "Come with us please." Said a voice. "What? Who are you?" she asked. "I'm surprised Dr. Braga that you can't recognize us." Said another voice. "We knew you would help us." Said the first voice. Petra was unable to focus on who had a hold of her as she was quickly dragged along to a cluster of healthy cells. "We're here. Take this." A small sword was thrust into her hand and she was finally able to see her captors. They looked like what she would imagine a demon to look like. Horrified she watched as they began to hack away at the healthy cells that now took the form of men, women and children. It dawned on her; she was an antigen whose job it was to kill healthy cells. "NO! I won't do this." She screamed. The larger of the two cells stopped in mid-strike and looked at her "Do you really think you can find a cure? Look around; do you see any T-cells here? They've mutated and joined us." It laughed. "You can't save anyone just like you couldn't save your sister." The second demon cell drew its sword from the back of a young man and turned to her smiling. "It's in your genes Dr. Braga, you'll pass it on to your children and grandchildren. You can't win." It said and then resumed the slaughter. Petra fell to her knees covering her face with her hands. "No" she thought, "this can't be happening." "Don't give up Petra." Said a small voice. When she looked up her sister Bianca was standing in front of her. "Bianca? It can't be...you're dead." Said Petra. "Petra, stop trying to analyze everything. Not everything needs to be questioned. You need to have hope." Said the specter. "How can I have hope when every time I get close the viral strains become more aggressive before I can even find out what they are all about? Hope is a luxury I don't have right now, I have fact and theory, concrete things not some vague impression." Said Petra. "Petra you judge yourself too harshly. Stop thinking with your head and think with your heart. Life is bigger than what you see through a lens. It's bigger than anything you can imagine. Look around Petra are you really willing to give it all up before you even try to understand what it's all about? You've lost your spirit." Said the apparition. Seraphim and Theorem Petra looked down to see her arms bleeding. "You bleed because you need to feel pain, to know that you are alive. You hide your shame and punish yourself for things you can control. Your pain makes you forget what is really important to you." Said the late Bianca. Petra wiped away the blood that streamed from her wounds only to make way for more bleeding. She ripped off pieces of her shirt to bandage the cuts but they only seeped through the material. "Make it stop, please make it stop!" cried Petra. "Only you can do that Petra. Only you can fix what is broken." Said the shadows. Petra woke to a throbbing pain in her wrists. It took a few moments for her to remember where she was and why. "Have a good nap?" asked Angel. Petra looked over to see her roommate propped on her bed reading a book. She rolled over onto her side to face Angel. "Yea, it was craptacular, thanks. What time is it?" she asked. "It's going for two, almost time for group therapy. You missed lunch so I brought you a soda and some fruit. I couldn't bring you a salad, my pockets aren't that big." Said Angel. "Thanks." Petra opened the can of soda and took a long drink. "So what's group therapy like?" "Not bad. Our group is self-injurers so you find some common ground. You don't have to talk today if you don't want to, but don't worry; no one is going to judge you. We've all been there." Said Angel. Petra took another sip of her soda and looked at Angel's scarred arms. Some of them were deep, some she could tell were fresh and she could see the one on her left wrist where she had received stitches at one time. "How long have you been doing it?" she asked. "Cutting? I don't really know. Years. You?" asked Angel "Same. I thought I would grow out of it after college but..."said Petra. "It's like any other addiction. People can't quite understand that though. It's a release, at least for me it is. I know that I'm alive." Said Angel. "Exactly." Said Petra. "I didn't think anyone else could understand it but me. I can't feel pain, emotional I mean. I can't cry. I've tried, but I can't. I can't get angry either. It's like I'm dead inside and seeing my own blood makes me realize I'm living and breathing but from inside some other place." Angel put down her book and sat up so she was facing Petra. "So what made you do it this time? Or have you tried before?" she asked. "I've never done this before, it wasn't my intention to kill myself. I don't even remember cutting myself." Said Petra. "I'm not suicidal!" "Whoa. I never said you were. Cutters aren't suicidal that's why I was curious." replied Angel. Petra was feeling a little uncomfortable at first but Angel seemed to make her feel relaxed and not embarrassed. It was if she knew what was going on inside her head. She liked her roommate even better than the one she lived with for all these years. It was strange considering that had just met. "I noticed you checking out my artwork." Angel held up her wrists. "At the time I was ready to die. My older brother died from Leukemia. He was my mentor. I loved him so much and it all happened so fast. From the time he was diagnosed until he died was only a matter of about 4 months. I lost it and took granddad's straight razor one night...zip...zip. Next thing you know I'm in the Emergency room get stitched and lectured. Two days later they brought me here for the first time." "That's so weird. My sister died of Hodgkin's. That's why I went into genetics research. I wanted to find the cure." Said Petra. "Well I think we both need to thank our guardian angels or we wouldn't be here today. Mine deserves combat pay." Laughed Angel. "You don't really believe all that shit do you?" laughed Petra. "Angels and demons, leprechauns and fairies, giants and ogres. It's all make-believe." "How can you be so sure?" asked Angel. "Have you ever seen one?" "No and that's how I know they don't exist. There is no substantiated proof as to the existence of any one of those creatures. I'm a scientist, if there was any proof of such things it would be documented." Said Petra. "Angels and demons are documented." Said Angel. "Oh really? Where?" asked Petra. "In the bible." Said Angel. "That fallacious textbook of parables and metaphors? I'm talking factual documentation, not the writings of probable schizophrenics and soothsayers." Said Petra. "My but we are contemptuous aren't we? For someone who is supposedly so smart you have such a tiny brain." Said Angel. "I beg your pardon." Huffed Petra. "Hang on to your bad self for a minute. I'm merely stating fact. Humans do not use their full brain capacity. Thus you have a tiny brain limited by the ability to experience things that you can't explain without question. You need to stop trying to figure out the how and why and just go with the why not." Said Angel. "You look at the sunset and see the refraction of light instead of saying..."Oh, look at the pretty colors!" you're limiting yourself to thinking inside the box, it does have an outside as well." "Don't be ridiculous. I can see beauty in things. I'm not totally absorbed in my work." Said Petra. "Then why do you cut yourself? Is it because even pain has it's own beauty? Is it the euphoria you feel when you make that first cut and you feel the warmth of your own life flowing from your body in that exquisite crimson gash?" asked Angel. "You're sick." Said Petra. "Am I really or are you just afraid to admit that I'm right?" asked Angel. Before Petra could reply the nurse came in to tell them it was time for group. Petra felt relieved to not have to continue this conversation any longer. Angel had hit a nerve; one that she hoped was dead. December 21st. Afternoon. Petra had settled into a routine, she even began to speak during her group therapy. She felt relaxed in the group, the other women were genuine there was only one she didn't care for, Lilith. Angel and Lilith seemed to be at odds with one another, it was subtle but Petra picked up on it as if they had a history that wasn't amiable. Petra was uncomfortable with the way Lilith would look at her; she could feel her dark eyes boring into her when she spoke her turn. Angel had an appointment with a new doctor who was administering a different medication to Angel. She told Petra to be ready for an adventure when she returned. Petra had no clue as to what Angel was up to, they had a few escapades where they explored various parts of the institution that were off limits to patients. It gave Petra a rush as if she were back in high school and sneaking cigarettes behind the convent with her best friend. Angel was the closest thing to a best friend that Petra had right now. She enjoyed these jaunts and breaking the rules. It was so unlike her, the woman who was so rigid in her personal standards, and the one who followed the rules, yet here she was in a mental institution having the most fun she had in years. She was going through her closet to find a sweater when she heard someone behind her, thinking it was Angel she turned around quickly only to see Lilith standing near the door. "Hello Petra. I didn't mean to startle you." Said Lilith slightly raising the one corner of her mouth. "I thought I would stop by and see how you've acclimated to our little madhouse." "I'm doing fine thank you, but it wasn't really necessary for you to drop by." Said Petra. Lilith moved further into the room trailing her fingers along Angel's dresser. "Oh I had some spare time and I thought we might chat." Said Lilith. "Really? And just what would you like to chat about?" Petra was suspicious. "I see you and Angel get along quite nicely. I guess that means her new meds must be working. We were all so worried after her last attempt." Said Lilith. "Last attempt?" asked Petra. "You don't know?" asked Lilith. "She tried to kill herself after a very low period. One day she was good and then the next she was completely withdrawn. She stayed in her room, just sitting and staring off, then one day she took a CD, broke it in half and gouged at her wrists. I mean you had to have seen the scars?" "Wait, she told me that was after her brother died that she did that." Said Petra. "Oh." Lilith paused. "Is that what she told you?" Lilith then sat on the edge of Petra's bed. "The truth is Angel is a lifer. She came her when she was 15. I suppose she told you about her brother dying from some disease or something, right?" "Yes...why?" asked Petra. "She doesn't have a brother, never did. She's just insane." Said Lilith Why are you telling me all of this? How do I know you aren't insane and making this all up because you and Angel don't get along?" asked Petra. Lilith rose from the bed and headed towards the door, she turned back to Petra. "I guess you'll have to figure things out for yourself then. Ta-Ta!" she closed the door behind her as she departed leaving Petra to ponder what had just taken place. "Hey Roomie, ready for a special treat?" asked Angel as she bounded into the room and began going through her drawers for a sweatshirt. "Hmmm? Oh, yea. I'm ready." Said Petra. "You okay?" asked Angel as her head emerged from her sweatshirt. "You have this look on your face like you've just kicked a puppy." "No. I'm fine. Really." Said Petra. "Lilith stopped by to say hello." Angel was digging into the back of her closet for her knapsack. She pulled it out and threw it over her shoulders. "If Lilith came here it wasn't to say hello, she's up to something." "Yea, that's what I figured." Petra wanted to forget about what Lilith had said. "So what's with the knapsack?" "Ah, that's a surprise." Grinned Angel. "Okay, let's boogie." The women snuck past the nurse's station and made their way to a small room just to the right of the bathrooms. At the back of the room stood a doorway. Behind the door was a staircase that led down into a basement hallway. Angel slid the knapsack off her shoulders and fished for a flashlight. The hallway was long and dark; cobwebs and an occasional rat scurrying by were all that resided there. Petra could tell that it was never used but couldn't figure out how Angel found it and where it could possibly lead to but she really didn't care at this point. After a few minutes of walking Petra could see the light shining on another door with a board propping it shut. "I was able to get this opened, I put this here so security thinks it's locked, not that anyone ever checks here that often, it's been forgotten. You'll see why." Said Angel. She removed the board and tugged at the door to open it. The doorway led to the outside of the building, its entrance was covered in ivy vines and undergrowth. They picked their way out of the small jungle and found a barely visible path that led into the woods. The day was rather warm for December but it had the feeling of snow lingering at the edges as the sun was still making an attempt to warm the Earth one last time. Petra took a deep breath drawing in the rich smells of the decaying leaves and relishing the sounds of her footsteps crunching and cracking the leaves and branches that had fallen. It had been a long while since she had been in a forest and she was enjoying every second. She trailed behind Angel who was humming "Angels We Have Heard On High" while identifying the flora and fauna in her head. The path soon gave way to a ramshackle cottage. The forest seemed to have claimed it as its own. The front door was hanging off its hinges and they walked inside. "Here we are." Said Angel as she dropped the knapsack onto the dirt floor. "And where exactly would we be?" asked Petra. Angel had begun to make a makeshift bench from a few large rocks and some old planks. The roof had a large hole in it and the sun streamed down lighting up a small patch on the dirt floor. "This my fellow nutcase is my secret sanctuary." Said Angel. "Sit." She pointed to the bench and reached inside her knapsack. Then she pulled out a bottle of wine and two plastic cups, a package of cookies and her cigarettes. Setting them down on a flat rock she shrugged off her sweatshirt. "This was an old caretaker's house. It's been long forgotten. It's my home away from home so to speak. I come here to meditate." Angel winked. "I like what you've done with the place, very rustic." Said Petra. "Yea, I'm not into that flashy modern stuff." Said Angel as she opened the wine and poured a cup for her and Petra. Handing the cup off to her and then opening the cookies she settled back onto the bench. "You're the only other person that knows about this place." "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about it." Petra crossed her heart and raised her hand. She sipped her wine forgetting when the last time was that she had a drink. "I'm honored that you trust me enough to share it with me." "I do trust you Petra. You're not the regular crazy person that comes through those doors. You just got side tracked somewhere and this is a resting place." Angel nibbled on a cookie. "Once you decipher your root problem you'll be sprung and back into the real world." "What do you mean by root problem?" asked Petra quickly finishing her wine and pouring another cupful. "You know, the thing causes you to behave the way you do, that repressed thought or memory that needs to come out." Said Angel "I don't know why I do it I just do." Petra reached for a cookie. "Okay, not this time but the time before you cut, what was going on that made you do it?" asked Angel starting on her second cup of wine. "Geez, that was like two years ago." Sighed Petra. "My boyfriend called it quits." She picked at the chocolate chips on her cookie. "I couldn't deal with it." "Tell me." Said Angel. Petra swallowed a big gulp of wine letting it warm her insides and rekindle the memory of a time she buried away. "I was lost, not just after that but before that. I was never the anaclitic type I took care of myself. I didn't know how to let others take care of me. He wanted to do that and I was so self absorbed in saving the world I didn't realize I needed saving until it was too late." She poured some more wine, took a sip and continued. "I thought everything was going well, that we would eventually marry. He knew my devotion to my work but I never realized his devotion to me. One night out of the blue he called and said he couldn't do this anymore. I was floored. I had no clue how unhappy he was with me and how little I understood about his needs. "So you got depressed and cut?" asked Angel. "No I became damaged for a better word. I had the best thing going for me in the world, someone who loved me regardless. It ended up that we couldn't even be friends. I had an emotional shutdown." "So you died silently... inside." Said Angel. Petra tapped her nose and winked. "Give the lady a cigar." She said. "I convinced myself that I was as malignant as the cells I had become so engrossed into. I don't deserve love. Evil incarnate that was me, hell bent on destroying everything good around me. I couldn't cry, though I wanted to I just couldn't. I couldn't get angry. I had no emotions at all. Just an unfeeling selfish bitch that thought that the world was against her because no one could get inside her head." "You said don't" said Angel. "What?" asked Petra. "You said you don't deserve love, you used the wrong tense." "No I didn't." said Petra downing the cup of wine. She was beginning to feel the buzz of too much wine on an empty stomach. "Yea you did, you said I don't deserve love. Is that how you really feel?" asked Angel. Petra thought for a moment. "Maybe deserve is the wrong word. She paused. No. It isn't. I meant it in a karma tic sort of way. You see," she slightly slurred. "I must have been a major asshole in my past life. I haven't learned yet." She reached into her pocket and took out a cigarette. She lit and took a deep drag. " I don't know how to love, or be loved or keep love. I'm the bull in the china shop of love." "You need to love yourself first before you can give yourself up wholly to someone else. You judge yourself with such harshness that you see yourself as someone you aren't." Angel said as she poured the last of the wine into her cup. "Then you hide in your microscopic world trying to find the meaning of life when life is all around you. You want it sectioned off and labeled. You want to see how it works and how to fix it." She took a drink. "You want to fix God's mistakes or so you think." "What the hell is with you and the religious shit all the time? Just because your name is heavenly doesn't give you the right to solicit your virtuosity on everyone else." Said Petra as she flicked an ash onto the ground. "I'm not preaching to you Petra, I'm trying to get you to see that you've lost your spirit and until you can fix that your mind and body are in limbo. You've given up hope and until you can get that back then you're going to be here a long time." Said Angel. Petra stumbled to get up from the bench spilling her wine and throwing the cup across the empty room. "I'm supposed to hope for what? Divine miracles to come along one that will make me find a cure? One that will make me find a lover? I should hope that your God will come down and breath his wisdom into me and make me understand why he allows disease to come along and kill the ones he is supposed to love? Is that it?" yelled Petra. "You're pissed because you feel like God took your sister's life not a group of defective cells. When you're tired of blaming yourself you blame something you don't understand because it's easier than to admit that life isn't all black and white. It's colors and textures and shapes and smells and tastes. It goes on when other things cease to exist and when something we love is taken away the first thing we do is to lay blame. Who better to blame than a being that we can't see but can feel in our hearts? Where do you think love came from? It didn't come from a beaker or a test tube. It was always here and will always be here as long as there are stars in the sky, fish in the ocean, trees rooted deeply into the earth." Said Angel. "I'm going back." Petra threw her cigarette on the ground and stamped it out. "No you're running away like always. Your love for your sister is what binds you here and her love for you that is still here is what fuels your spirit to go onward. You fear love just as you fear hope. If you can run from both then you won't get hurt and it isn't all about you. It's about understanding your purpose and realizing that pain and fear are just part of the experience of living. You have to make things palpable because you see the dogmatic notion that love and hope are the way to truth is obscene." Said Angel. Petra turned to Angel. A tear ran down her cheek as she stared into Angel's eyes. "I hate you." Glared Petra. "I hate you." She echoed as she ran back to the asylum. Petra made it back to her room unnoticed. She threw herself down on the bed and covered her head with her pillow. She couldn't get Angel's words out of her head. Angel sat on the bench and lit a cigarette. She replayed the conversation in her head. There was no way she was going to get through to Petra before Christmas Eve. "Can I bum one of those?" said a voice next to her. It was Lilith. "Help yourself." Said Angel. "You got your hands full with that one." Said Lilith. "You're not kidding. Do you think she fell for your story?" asked Angel. "I think so, she seemed unsure." Said Lilith. "I think we may have to resort to playing hard ball." "I think you're right." Said Angel as she blew a puff of smoke in the shape of heart. "I want you to go back and lay it on thick." "No problem." Said Lilith as she blew a puff of smoke in the shape of an arrow that pierced Angel's heart design. She started to snicker. Seraphim and Theorem "What's so funny?" asked Angel. "Its all funny. An angel and a demon working together for the same cause." Said Lilith. "You to give her back hope while I try to keep it from happening." "Just remember, winner buys lunch." Said Angel stubbing out her cigarette into the ground. "I plan on having surf and turf." Said Lilith stubbing out the cigarette in the palm of her hand. "What makes you so sure of yourself?" asked Angel. "I plan on playing unfair." Said Lilith. Angel laughed. "So what else is new about that?" They sat in silence for a few moments. They both had the same goal and the same choice, to reside on Earth or Go onward. "So was Heaven what you thought it would be?" asked Lilith. "I don't really know. Never really thought I would get to go there." Said Angel. "Was Hell what you thought it would be?" "Parts of it reminded me of Earth." Said Lilith. "Only there were fewer Starbucks." Lilith rose and brushed off the back of her jeans. "Well, time for me to go while she's confused. Thanks for the smoke." "I'd wish you luck but...you know." Said Angel. "You are the competition" "Soon to be the winner either way." Chided Lilith. "Later, loser." Petra took the pillow off of her face when she felt someone sit on the edge of the bed. It was Lilith. That was the last thing she needed. "You alright? I saw you running in here all flustered." Lilith seemed concerned. "Yea, just peachy." Said Petra. "You and Angel have a fight?" asked Lilith. "You'd like that wouldn't you?" asked Petra. "Petra, I don't know what kind of person you think I am but I really don't like to see anyone unhappy. I've listened to you in group therapy; I've watched you since you came in here and I know you don't really belong here. I only want to help you." The lie rolled so easily off her tongue. Petra pushed herself up so she was sitting against the headboard, her knees brought up to her chest as she hugged the pillow. She looked at Lilith. Her dark eyes looked softer today and her red hair, which was usually pulled back into a severe ponytail, was down and ringlets wrapped around her shoulders. She almost looked angelic to Petra. "We did have a fight. She tried to analyze me, can you believe that?" asked Petra. "Yes I can. It's all part of her pattern. I suppose it's easy for her to do considering the amount of time she's spent in therapy." Lilith paused. "She didn't get violent, did she?" "Angel? No. Why has she been before?" asked Petra. Lilith pulled up her pant leg to reveal a slight scar on her right calf. "That's from when she threw a chair at me." "Wow. Why did she do that?" asked Petra. "She started on me about how I should get my head out of my ass and see the world for what it is, blah, blah, blah. Life isn't about logic it's about hope and love. I should stop fighting with God, etc.," said Lilith. "She did the same thing with me." Said Petra "Did you tell her to go to Hell too? What garbage. Why should I get my hopes up that life is going to be easy and that I can find the answers inside of me? People live and people die and I get that, but life is more complex than that don't you think?" asked Lilith. "Yes I do." Said Petra. "So what is the point in relying on hopes and dreams when the hard facts are that life is going to be painful but if you persevere you can work around that. I remain steadfast in my belief that only we are responsible for our actions not some intangible entity." Said Lilith. "According to most secular schools of thought we are born damaged. How does that inspire hope? My free will is what leaves me to be a heterodoxical misfit." "See, you get it, why can't Angel?" asked Petra. "Because she's insane." Said Lilith as she headed towards the door. "If I were you I would just give her a wide berth. I must be off; I don't want you to get in trouble for consorting with the enemy. Later." "Thanks for stopping by Lilith." Said Petra. Lilith gave a small wave without looking back. Angel came back around dinnertime, but didn't go to eat. She went to her room and stayed in bed. She stayed in bed all of the following day as well. Petra tried to speak to her but she just stared straight ahead at the wall. She started to worry because Angel didn't move, speak, eat or even take her medication. December 23rd afternoon. Petra had a visit from her roommate back home. They exchanged gifts and caught up on some news. She received cards and notes from some of her co-workers that she was going to read later. When she got back to her room Angel was standing and staring out the tiny window. "Hey you're up!" said Petra tossing her gifts onto her bed. Petra went over and stood next to Angel. She couldn't help but notice how tired Angel looked. She seemed distant. "It's going to snow tonight. The snow will blanket everything and make it beautiful, but underneath will lie the dead waiting to be reborn." Angel said flatly. Petra didn't know what to say, she felt responsible for Angel's behavior. "Angel, I'm sorry about the other day. I was drunk and being stupid. Please forgive me?" asked Petra. "I've forgiven you and everyone else." Angel continued staring straight ahead. "Look I have to go to see the shrink but how about we talk when I get back?" asked Petra. "We'll talk." Said Angel as she continued to stare out the window. When Petra returned from her appointment Angel was nowhere to be found. Her bed was made and all her things were neatly arranged. At first Petra thought she may be with her therapist but she never showed up for dinner. She didn't show up for Christmas caroling and movies that night either. Petra even sat through "It's a Wonderful Life." When it came time for bed Petra panicked. She went to the nurse's station to see if they knew anything. Petra had taken her meds and was asleep when security started their search for Angel. They would search the buildings and the grounds as much as they could at night then resume in the morning if needed. December 24th Morning Petra woke from an uneasy sleep. She had the strangest dream. It started out with her sister's funeral. Everyone one was there offering condolence. She was standing next to two women who were talking about how it was a shame that they lost their only child. What did they mean by that? Petra looked around but couldn't see herself there between her parents, the place where she stood that day. She then found herself standing in her laboratory. There was a young man she didn't recognize sitting in her place. The photograph of her and her sister was nowhere to be seen. She always kept it in the same spot so she could remember why she was doing all of that in the first place. When the young man went across the room to get more samples she peeked into the microscope. He was looking at neuronal cells. "What the hell is he doing?" She thought to herself. "He should be looking into cytokines." The young man came back and placed a small drop of material on a fresh slide and began to look at it. "You should be looking into my notes. We are looking at immunosuppressives and not neuronal cells. Look at the cytokines" she said to the young man. "He can't hear you." Said a voice from behind her. It was Angel looking like an angel. "What are you doing here?" Petra asked. "And why can't he hear me?" "Because you were never born." "What do you mean I was never born?" "You don't exist. You never were here or there or anywhere. You no longer have a purpose because you lack the spirit needed to complete your destiny." Said Angel. "And just how do you know all of this? Let me guess, because you're an angel, right?" "Yes. Your destiny is planned out well before you reach the earthly plane. When you are born it is up to you to fulfill that destiny, to grow and contribute to mankind." Said Angel. "What, you're saying I wasn't born because I won't keep up my end of the bargain? How do I know what that is?" Petra asked. "You have the conviction but as I said, you lack the spirit. You look into a microscopic world everyday and that prevents you from seeing the big picture. You know that somewhere swimming in that drop of blood is the key to the answer you seek. It's a sure thing because to you it's tangible. However everything in the known universe is not that way. There are many things that are indefinable and that's okay. You don't have to know the hows and whys of the way they work just have the faith that they will and that they do work. You can know how a daffodil grows but you can't ask it why it wants to be yellow and face the Sun.," said Angel. "I don't get it." Said Petra. "Petra. Your sister would still have died whether or not you were born. There is no one to blame for her death because it was her destiny to die. It is the trigger in a chain of events. She passed you the torch, now it's up to you to carry it to the next level. There is a reason why you chose to go into the field of research." Said Angel. "But your inability to just have the hope that you will find what you seek holds you back. Stop being selfish and recognize your gifts." "I'm not selfish. I'm thorough." Said Petra. "And you're starting to disappear." Said Angel Petra looked down to see her body started to disintegrate down to the cellular level. The last thing she heard was Angel saying..."You're not here." When she rolled over she noticed Angel's bed wasn't slept in last night. Angel rarely made her bed. An alarm went off in Petra's head. She got out of bed and dressed quickly then made her way to Lilith's room. She quietly opened the door so she wouldn't disturb Lilith's roommate and padded her way over to the side of Lilith's bed. Crouching down beside the bed she gently shook the sleeping woman. "Pssst. Lilith. Wake up." She whispered. Lilith moaned and then opened her eyes. It took her a minute to realize that it was Petra in front of her. "Hey girl, what's wrong?" Yawned Lilith. "Angel is still missing. I remember you saying how she shut down before her last attempt at suicide, you don't think she...do you?" asked Petra. Lilith propped herself up on one elbow and brushed the hair from her face. "No. I don't think she would do anything this close to Christmas. She's probably just in hiding somewhere thinking things through." Said Lilith. "She spoke yesterday but she was so distant." Said Petra. "What did she say?" asked Lilith. "She talked about snow coming, forgiving and that we would talk when I got back." Said Petra. "Sounds like she's waiting for you." Said Lilith, "Where do you think she may have gone off to?" Petra thought for a moment. "I know where she is!" Back in her room Petra scurried to find warm clothes and an extra blanket. She dressed quickly and with the rolled up blanket tucked under her arm made her way to the small room where the doorway led to the forgotten basement passage. She slipped past the nurse's station as they were doling out meds to the other patients. Arriving at the room and as she opened the door she remembered she didn't bring a flashlight. She didn't want to risk getting caught so she continued by using her intuition and taking small hurried steps. Shuffling along the only sounds were her footsteps and the squeal of a rat whose tail she stepped on; they were both equally afraid. It seemed like forever to reach the door to the outside. Petra had to use both hands to pull it open, the snow and ice had sealed it shut. It finally broke free and she pushed her way through the frozen vines and bushes. The snow was starting to fall again in big fluffy flakes. They stuck to her hair and eyelashes as she looked for signs that someone had walked through there. The only imprints were faded ones left by security patrols. She had a little trouble finding the pathway that was now blanketed by snow. As she worked her way through the woods she could hear the wind carrying whispers. The voice seemed familiar but the language was unknown to her, she chalked it up as her mind playing tricks on her. She felt herself start to slip and grabbed at a nearby tree. A sharp pain stung her palm; she recoiled and looked to find it was a thorn tree. One of its little daggers was stuck in her hand. She yanked it out and watched as her blood dripped down into the snow leaving bright red spots in contrast to the stark white snow. The burning sting from her wound made her realize she could feel pain. It hurt like Hell. She clenched her fist and pushed the pain back down saving it for later. Her breath formed small clouds of vapor around her. She could hear the snow falling as clear as a bell. Her senses seemed more pronounced. She pushed onward until she could make out the shape of the rundown house. The sound of her blood rushing through her veins beat steadily against her eardrum. She tentatively stepped over the threshold and made her way to the room where Angel had taken her that day. The clouds heavy with snow made everything a little darker and she had to squint to see better. She could see the wine bottle, now smashed poking it pieces through the snow. Along side of that were a few faint pink splotches that led into the far corner of the room. She realized the rumpled form was Angel. Petra rushed over to the still form and began to unroll the blanket. Angel was sitting up against the wall, her skin was ashen and her lips were blue. Petra could see the gashes in her wrists, the shard of glass still in her one hand. The cold had kept her blood from flowing too quickly but enough had flowed to fuse her hands to the frozen floor. Petra tucked the blanket around Angel and felt against her neck with two fingers, her pulse was still there but very slight. She held Angel's face in her hands. "ANGEL! It's Petra. Please wake up." She began to slap Angel's face while calling her name. Angel's eyelids slowly fluttered open. That's it girl, wake up for me." Petra wrapped her body around Angel's sharing her warmth. "I'm going to get you out of here." "It's too late." Whispered Angel. "No. It's not too late." Said Petra as she rubbed Angel's arm to get her blood pumping. "You taught me that much." "I don't get it?" said Angel. "My eyes are open now. You were right I wasn't seeing the big picture. I created my own martyrdom because I enjoyed my own pain. I didn't see others were being hurt by it. You called me on it and my stubborn need to always be right prevented me from seeing that until you showed up in my dream. You made me realize that whether or not I was born Bianca still would have died, but I have the chance to possibly save others because of her death. I'm so close to finding it Angel, the answer is there but I'm looking too hard." Said Petra as she wrapped her scarf around Angel's head and neck. Angel raised one eyebrow and looked at Petra through half closed eyes. "So you've had a revelation?" she whispered hoarsely. "A revelation, an awakening or a kick in the ass, what ever you want to call it I've had it and I feel free. Look." Said Petra as she opened her bloodied palm to show Angel. "I can bleed and feel pain, so I know I'm alive. It's tangible and real and it hurts like Hell but it's mine and I feel it. I feel life again Angel. I feel it in these snowflakes, I feel it calling to me on the wind, and I feel it coursing through me. I feel the hope that when I get back to my research that I can make a difference, I may not heal the world but I can heal me and become whole again. Life will carry on and on and on but while I'm in it I'm going to live it and complete the task I was destined to do, what ever it may be." "I believe you will Petra, I truly believe It." Said Angel. "I wish you much luck." "Now you have to get up, I'll help you get back to the building." Said Petra as she worked Angel's wrists free from the ground; then she pulled off her shoes and socks. She carefully wrapped a sock around each wrist, put her shoes back on and looped her arms under Angel to help lift her up. Angel was dead weight. "I told you it's too late for me." Whispered Angel. "No it's not, I'm not letting you freeze to death out here on Christmas Eve. You have my present to open yet. Now help me out here." Said Petra. "Petra. You have already given me a gift. You gave me your friendship and your love. My purpose here has ended. It's my time to go." "What do you mean your purpose has ended?" she asked. "Over in that corner is a demon waiting for the moment that my heart stops beating. It's here to take my soul." Angel nodded to a spot behind Petra. Petra looked into the darkened corner opposite them. There was a brief flash of light and then a puff of smoke. A figure stepped out into the light. It was Lilith. "Lilith! What are you doing here?" asked Petra. "Duh, I'm here for her soul." Said Lilith. She moved over toward the women and kicked the bottom of Angel's boot. "Will you die already? I have things to do." Petra's eyes grew wide as she looked at Lilith smirking as she took a drag of her cigarette. "You mean you're a..." "Demon. Come on say it with me. Deeeee...monnnn." Said Lilith. Petra looked back at Angel. "I don't understand." She muttered. "I'm a demon and she's an angel." Said Lilith as she blew a stream of smoke from her lips. She turned to Angel. "I told you Sandahl, that this one was stupid. I'm right as usual." Petra looked at the angel who nodded a confirmation of what she had just been told. "You were my purpose Petra." "Why couldn't you just tell me?" asked Petra. "You don't believe in such creatures as us, remember? I think it's best if you leave now." Said Angel. She closed her eyes and slumped against the wall. "Okay let's get this over with already." Said Lilith impatiently as she crushed the cigarette under her cloven hoof. "No you can't have her!" yelled Petra. "Yes...yes I can because you see she chose to take her own life, she exercised free will and taking your own life is a sin. So according to the rules I get her soul." Smirked Lilith. "Now please leave, as long as you're here she'll continue to cling on to this pathetic life." Petra looked at the dying angel with tear filled eyes. This beautiful creature sacrificed itself for her inadequate life. "Take mine." She shouted. "Take my soul instead." "What? Are you mad?" replied Lilith. "Oh that's right you are or you wouldn't be locked up here." She laughed. Petra stood up and faced Lilith; she looked into her soulless eyes and said very succinctly. "You can have my soul, as soon as I die, no sooner no later. No strings attached, I'll comply. My soul guaranteed at the time of my death to be taken by you in exchange for hers now. Deal?" she asked putting out her hand to the demonic redhead. Lilith licked her lips, smiled and shook her hand. "Deal." She then turned to the angel. "Looks like you're off the hook Sandahl. The mortal has made a pact with me. You get to live." Sandahl was standing next to Petra in her angelic glory. Petra could feel the love emanating from her presence. "Thanks loser." She said to Lilith. "I'll see you for lunch on Monday." Petra stood with her mouth open. The shock of these two creatures being amicable was confusing. Sandahl sensed this. She took Petra's hands in hers. Petra saw there was no blood, no scars just beautiful hands holding her frozen ones. "Petra, you have been given a new perspective. I know this makes no sense to you right now. I'm not sure if it ever will. You are destined for greatness and that is more than I should be telling you, but you can now see that we are real corporeal beings. We've been with mankind since the beginning. I could go into details but it's really not relevant." Said Sandahl. "Here is what I can say, that on the eve of the most holiest of days you have been abundantly blessed by a higher cause. Your sacrificing your soul in exchange for mine was the most selfless gift anyone could give and you did it from your heart." Seraphim and Theorem "Remind me of that when I die and Lilith comes back for me." Said Petra. Sandahl laughed. "What my friend here has forgotten is that angels don't have souls so the offer is null and void." "Shit!" yelled Lilith stamping her hooves. "Shit, shit, shit. I did forget that, damn it I got caught up in the ruse. Oh great, now I have to explain how stupid I am to my case manager. I'll be demoted to watching over the Damned that have to shovel the excrement of a thousand years. I'll lose my benefits!" she glared at Petra pointing a finger at her. "I'll be watching you very carefully, you're bound to slip up and then I'll get you fair and square." She then stamped her hoof on the ground and vanished. "She was always a drama queen." Said Sandahl. "Now it's time for you to go back the cracker factory and I need to get to the 5th level before midnight. I have a meeting with an Archangel and I can't be late. We are discussing my future now thanks to you." "So what happens to you and I now?" asked Petra. "Do I get to see you again?" "Well, you go on with your life, which I'm sure has vastly changed and I go and let Phanuel know my decision of staying on earth as a watcher or becoming a guardian angel. If I become a guardian angel I get wings. Wings! How cool is that? I've always wanted to have wings." Said Sandahl. Petra found herself welling up with tears. "I'm going to miss you. You were my best friend." "Hey nutcase, I can still be your best friend. I'll always be with you." Smiled Sandahl. "If you feel like your slipping just yell 'Hey Sandahl', that's my name, Sandahl. I'll pop over and smack you around." "That's comforting to know, thank you." Laughed Petra. She then threw her arms around Sandahl and kissed her cheek. "I don't know how I can ever thank you. I mean how does one thank an angel?" "Like this." Sandahl put her hand over Petra's mouth and squeezed her cheeks together. "Thhhaaaannnk Yooouuuu. Come on, say it with me." Petra pushed her away laughing. "You can be such a jerk sometimes." "I learned it from watching humans all these centuries." Said Sandahl. She then extended her hand to Petra. "Thank you Petra for giving me a chance to be part of your life and for showing me that there is hope for humanity. I wish you all the love and joy you can handle." She then leaned in and kissed Petra's cheek. "Thank you Sandahl for giving me my life back. I hope what ever you decide makes you happy." Said Petra. "You used the "H" word." Laughed Sandahl. "Don't you have to be somewhere?" chided Petra. "Yes I do, oh and I'll tell Lilith hello when I meet her for lunch." Said Sandahl. "You do that." Said Petra. "Oh, and one last thing." "What's that?" asked Sandahl. "Merry Christmas." said Petra. Sandahl smiled and winked. "Back attcha nutcase." December 25th Christmas day. Petra was sipping some coffee and watching the snowfall from the rec room window. She marveled at the puffy flakes as they twirled and danced on their way to earth. For the first time in years she felt absolutely giddy. "Cookie?" asked one of the aids as she held a platter out to Petra. "Hmm? Yea, thanks." She laughed as she picked up a cutout cookie in the shape of an angel. "Payback" she said as she dunked the angel's head into her coffee cup. Behind her on the television she could hear "It's Wonderful Life" playing and she heard the little girl saying, "Teacher says every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings." "I wonder?" thought Petra. She was just about to sit down and have a cigarette when the bell in the tower rang once. She looked at her watch, it was 1:37.pm. She silently toasted her angelic friend and imagined her racing jet planes with her new wings wearing a pair of Ray Bans with her leather jacket and jeans. ( The author would like to thank Cloudy and Hugo Sam for their help.(love you sis)and Recidiva for the peek inside her head as well as the kick to my backside. Special thanks to all those people who never gave up on me and gave me hope through their love and understanding.