0 comments/ 9861 views/ 0 favorites Isolation By: caspai When the very worst thing that you never thought would happen does, how do you handle it? When your mind swirls, and your head aches, and all you can feel is your heart breaking, when all you can hear is the voice of your own insecurities whispering to you, how do you handle it? Sitting next to the window, watching drops of rain splashing against the window, Mickey wondered if she had any tears left to cry. It was the complete isolation of the moment that was really playing on her fears. The letter had arrived when no one else was around. Isn't that the way those types of things always happened? Bad news only comes when you are alone. Earth shattering news only when there is no hope that anyone will be near until the crisis has worked itself out in your head. "I promise I am coming back to you." The words sounded hollow to her now. How could she have been so much of a fool as to have actually believed them. "I need time to myself, time to sort things out in my head. I need to try to find the person that I used to be." It had all sounded so reasonable when she had said those words, and Mickey loved her enough to only want what was the best thing for her. Trust is part of love, and the love was so strong, meant so much. She had promised that she would come back, she just needed time alone. Who knows, maybe when the words had been spoken, they had been meant. That had happened not more than a week ago. How was Mickey to have known that so much would change in just a week? How was Mickey to have known that what she had really meant was, "I need time alone with him, I need time alone so that he can convince me that everything I have thought wasn't real, that everything I had felt was just misunderstood." Mickey knew that the thoughts weren't fair, she knew that she didn't know the whole story, couldn't possibly know the whole story. The letter wasn't much more than a note, and she promised that she would tell her everything, answer all of Mickey's questions when she could. As Mickey tried to think of what the future could possibly be bringing to her, a wave of pain washed over her, almost stealing her breath from her. Not knowing was the very worst part. "Please don't think the worst of me, please don't hate me." How could she think Mickey could possibly hate her? All she had ever wanted was for her to be happy. Mickey didn't particularily think that what she was doing now was going to lead to anything but more misery, but Mickey had known that it was possible, actually, quite likely, that she wasn't actually going to break the ties to him. He had spent too long convincing her that she couldn't live without him, that she couldn't survive without him. Rather than being completely alone for this whole week, the time that she had told Mickey that she needed just for herself, she had been with him. He had spent the whole time, no doubt, convincing her that the real problem was Mickey, that without Mickey complicating everything, they would be happy. Mickey was the real problem. Hadn't they been happy before? Get Mickey out of the picture, and everything would be perfect between them again. That is what she kept hearing in her head, and that was what kept the tears falling, burning her swollen eyes, making her head pound even more. How much of it was true, though? How many of the problems were because of Mickey? How much happier would she be if Mickey were just gone from her life? The only thing that had kept Mickey sane for the past few weeks was the trust that she had in her. She had been through so much, and it had seemed like she was finally fed up, that she was finally going to stand up for herself and try to make herself happy. She had stopped talking about how she was happy in her misery, she had started talking about finding a place of her own, to be out and free, and to find herself again, to do it on her own. If Mickey closed her eyes, she could almost see the little apartment that she had discribed. Not much, but she had said that it was in a safe neighborhood. Mickey hadn't even asked where it was, knowing that she always knew how to find Mickey, always would know how to find Mickey. She loved Mickey, didn't she? Hadn't she said that so very often? So how could this happen? Last week when he had found out about Mickey, he had told her, he would do anything for her, they would work every problem out that they had ever had. He would do anything to keep her. Anything to make her happy. There was just one price for all of this. Have absolutely no contact with Mickey ever again. When she had stood in front of Mickey saying this to her, Mickey hadn't believed that someone could bargain with another person's life like that. Surely she wouldn't let that happen. Not that. See, that was what Mickey had so long been afraid of, to the point that the previous year, she had asked her, what will you do when he makes you choose? What will you do when he tells you, it is her or me, you can't have both? She had laughed when Mickey had said that. That will never happen, she said. No one will ever control who I spend time with, she had said. But then he had said it, and she had told Mickey that she was leaving, but that she needed time. She needed time away so that she could try to fix herself. She needed time so that when she came back to Mickey, and she promised so many times that she was going to come back, that she would be a stronger person again, more like the person she had been before. She had promised that it wasn't the end, that they would be back together again, but that was before. The note didn't say that she couldn't ever see Mickey again, but that was the dark fear that kept creeping into Mickey, chilling her so that no matter how many sox she put on, how many sweaters, how many blankets, Mickey just couldn't seem to get warm. They were going to try to work things out, the note said. But no, that would mean that she had made concessions. That would mean that there had been give and take, that a negotiation had been enacted, and that to "work things out" meant that things were going to change. His price, and Mickey knew it, had previously been that Mickey be out of the picture completely. Shivering and shaking, Mickey picked up the note again and read it with difficulty. Not only was what was in the note painful, but the ink had become smeared with so many tears. Mickey had lived out the life of the relationship so far in the shadows, but she had known that was necessary at the time. Was this note pushing her even further into the shadows? God help her, she would take whatever she had to offer, because Mickey knew that she wasn't strong enough to just walk away. She meant too much to Mickey. Mickey loved her too much to not have some little part of her, no matter how small. Mickey had absolutely no self-respect where this was concerned. She had become too enmeshed in the fabric of Mickey's life for Mickey to be able to imagine what life would be like without her. Through the waves of dispair, Mickey felt another emotion beginning to appear. He had so much of her, how could he be so selfish as to take away the small bits of her life that Mickey had been allowed? And how could she allow that to happen? How much had Mickey meant to her, if she could just be bargained away like that? Just a negotiation within the process? Had Mickey meant enough to her that she had demanded a huge concession in return for breaking her heart? Or had she been relegated to, well, I will agree to never see Mickey ever again if you will clean the kitchen every other tuesday? For a few minutes, the anger fought with the tears, but it was no use. Mickey couldn't ever be angry with her for too terribly long. The grief and self pity, mixed with a rather large portion of self doubt won out over the anger. Resting her head against the cold dark glass of the window, Mickey took a deep, deep breath, knowing that all she could do was wait for the explanation that would inevitably come, knowing that she would, of course, accept whatever scraps she chose to throw toward Mickey by way of affection. No matter what else happened, Mickey could no more turn her back on her than she could cut her own heart out of her body. She had no other choice but to wait, and trust that things would somehow work out the way they were supposed to. This wasn't the first time she had hurt Mickey, and it wouldn't be the last, most likely. Sometimes that is what love is about, though, surviving the hard times. Sitting back and wrapping a quilt around her shoulders, Mickey looked around the tiny room, wishing that the isolation, at least, would end. The hard times are always the more difficult when you are all alone to face them. Isolation Continued from "The Beginning" After the Dave incident, I was transferred to another part of the world. In this location it was very cold, windy, and snow was in the forecast for the majority of the year. It was here without my knowledge that Shari perfected her artistry of fucking. I was too busy to pay her much attention or take care of her needs. What is even more unforgivable on my part was that I didn't stop to consider her at all. I was working two full time jobs. One was in Aircraft Maintenance and the other was as a Reserve Police officer. There were not enough hours in the day to spend at home. There weren't many activities to get involved with on the base, as we were isolated from the rest of the world. A woman who was not in the Military herself didn't have much to do. There was Chapel, and fucking around. The good girls went to chapel. The bad girls found guys to fuck. The really good girls went to chapel and found guys to fuck. My lovely wife was in the "Really Good Girl" category. I discovered the truth quiet by accident. She found her a younger man by the name of Wolfgang. I was totally unaware of this alliance, and so she would have Wolf come over to the house in the afternoons before I was off work and the Kids got home from school. It was during this time frame that they would play house. One of the men in my shop discovered this fact by accident. Instead of him telling me, he used the information to his advantage one night at a cabin party. Cabin parties were notoriously an alcohol fest. All of the men and their families, if they had families with them, were invited to the cabin where there was enough beer and booze to float a small boat. Each of the Divisions had their own cabin. Ours was the Airframes and Powerplants Division Cabin. On this particular night, my wife and children accompanied me. There were two other guys with their wives as well. Dobey's wife was a slut and everybody knew it accept him. Bill's wife was pregnant with their second child. Bill and Susie didn't stay very long, as she was not feeling well. Ed had discovered Shari's little secret with Wolf. He was also the self appointed bartender for the evening. He managed to spike all of our drinks with extra booze except my wife. He even managed to slip some booze into my kid's drinks that had them going to sleep in no time at all. Soon all of the guys with the exception of Ed and Shari were in a drunken stupor. There were cots in the cabin and a wood stove in the center heated it. Shari had put the kids on the top bunk and she had climbed onto the bottom bunk in the rear of the cabin to sleep. Dobey and his wife had crawled onto the bottom bunk on the other side of the cabin. I was seated in a stuffed chair by the fire. Shari knew that I was down for the count until morning. After Ed had gotten all of the others down and he knew that they wouldn't be coming round for a while, he walked back to the bunks and climbed in beside Shari. She opened her eyes and when she saw that it was Ed, she almost screamed but he placed his hand over her mouth and then he told her that he knew about Wolf. She was caught in the act. She began to protest that he didn't know what he was talking about. But he brought up his bits of evidence and she realized that further debate was futile. He then told her that he was going to fuck her now and anytime in the future when he could arrange it. He also told her that this was the only way that he was going to keep his mouth shut about Wolf. If Shari had known how I felt perhaps she wouldn't have let Ed blackmail her but as it stood, she realized the hopelessness of the situation and let him pull her pants and panties down to her ankles. He didn't remove them from her legs in case someone would awaken. She could pull them up rapidly. Ed didn't remove his legs from his trousers legs either. Shari, feeling Ed's penis rubbing on her pussy lips was getting wet rapidly. Ed bent her over in a jack knife position while lying on the bunk and shoved his large cock into her pussy from behind. He kept pushing until her lips opened and accepted his cock into the folds of her vagina. For a few moments he considered fucking her in the ass, but dismissed the idea due to the lack of lubrication. He kept fucking her in this manner. With each stroke into her cunt it became easier as her natural lubrication was now coating his dick. At long last he filled her pussy with his hot load of cum. Shari was biting the mattress in order to stifle the noises from her orgasms. Ed lay there in silence to see if anyone had roused to life from the creaking of the bedsprings. Leaving his now flaccid cock buried in her pussy, Ed reached up under Shari's parka, sweater, and shirt and played with her bra-less tits while letting his cock harden once again inside her pussy. He then continued to fuck her again and after another span of about ten minutes, he pumped another hot load of cum deep inside her pussy. Ed would have fucked her a third time but someone stirred and he quickly and silently slid off the bunk and pulled up his trousers as he went. Shari reached down and pulled up her pants as well. She was already caught in one affair, she didn't wish to be caught, and blackmailed by someone else. She was unaware that she was too late. The one that had stirred had been a co-worker. As it turned out, Gerald had not been as drunk as Ed had thought him to be. Jerry had decided to have a nap when he saw that everyone else was. He had observed Ed walking back toward the bunks and he had seen him climb into the bottom bunk. Jerry had thought that Shari had occupied that bunk earlier but then he could have been mistaken. From there, he didn't have a clue as to what had really transpired, but he was curious as to why Ed had came sliding out of the bunk and pulling his pants up when he heard Jerry moving in the cabin. It was too cold in the cabin to be undressing to sleep. Jerry got up to stoke the fire again and get himself another drink. Ed approached Jerry and asked him what he would like to drink? Ed was curious to know if Jerry had seen anything but didn't want to come right out and ask him. Jerry decided that if Ed wanted him to know, he would tell him. Considering that Ed was a more Senior Petty Officer than Jerry was. Otherwise, he would wait and see. Both men were cautiously questioning when Shari slid out of the bottom bunk where Jerry had seen Ed. Shari said that she needed to go out to the bathroom. She took the lantern and headed out into the night. Shari did her upper most to clean herself up the best she could with toilet paper located in the outside bathroom. Her panties were so full of Ed's cum that she took them off and placed them in her parka pocket. She was quiet cold when she came in. She came over by the fire and cuddled in the easy chair where I still sat unconscious. After warming up a bit, she became interested in Ed and Jerry's conversation so she joined them at the bar. The three talked then for the rest of the night. I don't know if the conversation included anything about sex or what had taken place between she and Ed. After that night Jerry began spending allot of time at our house. He would keep her company when I would go to work in the evening as a cop. He would come over and have dinner with us. He would take the kids down to the beach some afternoons so they could walk and collect shells. All in all he was our man, "Friday and the family's best friend". Anything we wanted Jerry would provide. Or so it seemed. I later found out that the kids outings to the beach was so that Shari and Wolf could have some uninterrupted time together. When Wolf transferred off the Island, he gave me a model Sailboat. It was sitting on top of the television one afternoon when I got home. I asked where it had come from and Shari told me that Wolf had given it to me. I had gotten to know Wolf at chapel and knew that he hung around with some other friends of ours also. This little model boat would have cost a couple hundred dollars. This got my attention but not enough for me to come out and accuse or say anything. But I hardly new the man so why would he give me this model boat? I am also sure that Ed was able to get her alone on a several occasions and give her some good fucking before he transferred. Perhaps Jerry was instrumental in facilitating those meetings. Shari did tell me that Ed had propositioned her that night in the cabin. I think she wanted to see what my reaction was going to be to that information. I just replied that Ed was drunk and probably it was forgotten so I should just leave it there. She never told me that Ed ended up fucking her there in the cabin. I was made aware of it later. I knew Ed fairly well and if he wanted her pussy, he would get it. Somehow I am sure that he did and he was inside her pussy as much and as often as he could arrange it. There were many nights that I ended up working all-night and then sleeping all day following. So there was ample opportunity to arrange for the two of them to get together without the children being around. I knew that he was fucking Dobey's wife also. Security Police caught the two of them in the back seat of Ed's car outside the Petty Officers Club. I was the Investigator on duty that had to handle the case. Dobey went into a state of disbelief that his wife would do such a thing. Dobey promptly forgave her and Ed. They kissed and made up, but that didn't stop she and Ed from making their little rendezvous. When we transferred from the Island, Jerry was one of those people that stayed in close contact with us. Because of the work I had done during our tour of isolated duty, I was advanced another pay grade and we moved to the East Coast of the United States. It wasn't long before Jerry followed us to the East Coast. I was allowed to change my rate to a Police rate and was sent off to the Military Police Academy in Alabama. I was gone from home for about three months. I found on my return home that I had hardly been missed. Jerry had taken them to concerts. He had filled in when there was dinner to be had. Bar-B-Que to be cooked. In other words he had taken my place while I was away. Little did I know at the time what other places he had filled for me as well in my absence? After my return from the Academy, Shari and I had begun talking about things and I was trying to get her to admit that she had fucked Dave. I was still hung up way back there and because of that I couldn't see all the other clues of more recent men who had been shoving things between her legs. She wouldn't admit that she had fucked Dave. She offered to swear on a stack of "Bibles." Red Flags flew at this because; it was one of the things that I had learned in my Police training. I was attempting to interview her to learn the truth. If only I had had a bit more information. I was somewhat insecure in our relationship. Perhaps I wouldn't have pushed so hard had I known the truth. That there were others who had filled her cunt, some who were much more well endowed than I. I still thought that I was the only man that she had ever fucked, with the exception of my suspicion of Dave. I wanted her to be with me because I had the equipment that she wanted and needed. Not because I was the only one that she had ever tried. I didn't know. "I had to know." In the beginning, that was definitely and entirely my motivation. Her motivation was to keep the ones she had fucked a secret. She was unsure as to what I would do or say if she were to tell me. Therefore we plunged head long into a lifestyle that we had no idea what it was about or where it was going to lead us. We were propelled by a lack of security and trust in one another. The only way to achieve this level of trust is through communication. We didn't trust one another enough to communicate.