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I Was a Teenage Dimestore Novel Ch. 1

By: Paul K. Merrill



Chapter 1: "It was the Dog's Fault, Honest"

Ned was Red again. His parents taught him to be nice person, to keep his calm and not show anger. Unfortunately, they never taught him how to deal with it.

So he bottled it up inside and stored it in his liver, where it simmered and bubbled. Then, every six months like clockwork, he would explode and let it all out at once. 

Usually he did this at school with a tetherball that he pretended was someone's head. He broke so many tetherball chords that the P.E. teacher kept a "Ned fund" on his desk for extra supplies. Ned's teachers and the principal all contributed to it because they believed that it was good cheap therapy. They cared for him, but were afraid of overstepping their bounds. 

Unfortunately, The biggest bully in school, Norriss, had it in for Ned, and loved to pick on him. He and his gang of thugs laughed when Ned turned red. They laughed when he tried to retrieve his backpack from them. And they loved it best when he tried to fight back, missing them with ineffectual punches and off-balance kicks.

Ned's neighbor, Debbie Starr, was in her backyard preparing dinner when she heard the bullies tease Ned one evening. Debbie was furious at the bullies for making Ned turn red. She grabbed a broom and ran to the front of the house, swinging it over her head. Her dog, Bob, ran after her, his tongue lolling.

The bullies laughed at first at the ludicrous sight of a grown woman in her ragtag dressing gown swinging a broom, but when one of them went flying, the rest of them ran away as fast as they could. 

Ned gaped at her in surprise, and turned an even deeper shade of blood red. He never saw this side of the normally calm, contained and well-coiffed librarian.

Debbie reached out to help Ned up, but he scrambled out of reach, burying his face in the side of Bob's shaggy happy stomach. 

"Are you all right?" she asked softly as she knelt down to look at his face.

Ned Jumped up a raced to his house, stopping at the door to mutter a quick "Fine, thank you," before disappearing inside.

Bob barked happily as Debbie slowly stood up.

"No Bob, Ned doesn't want to play right now," she said, "Let's go out for dinner."

With that, they turned around and returned to the back of the house.

As a librarian, Debbie loved books, all kinds of books. Books about nature, books about space; books about famous people, books about plain folk; books about what was, books about what might have been. Short tales, tall tales. Science Fiction, fantastic facts. Debbie loved them all. 

But she did love some books more than others. A lot more. 

The books that Debbie loved more than any others were books written or illustrated by people that she knew. It was fun to read a book and know that she bought groceries from that person, or went to the same Bank as the author. 

Sometimes the authors she knew wrote about real life, and Debbie recognized people and places in the book. Other friends wrote fantastic stories that were as far away from real life as one could imagine. 

Science fiction Mike, her accountant, wrote a book featuring "Mighty Michael de Monde", president of the intergalatic senate and absolute ruler of the three largest Jovian moons in the sol system. 

Debbie's mechanic, Paulina, was "Pegleg Petrouchka, former ballerina for the last czar," now a feared and fearless rum smuggler in prohibition-era America. 

Debbie herself kept a diary that held everything from what she ate to her views on Plato's Republic to conversations between herself, Homer, Sappho and Lao Tzu. Sometimes it seemed that she was actually speaking to Homer in person, which she was, because her thoughts and dreams were as real to her as the physical world she lived in and the library she worked at. 

Every year at Christmas time, Debbie gave her friends gifts to help them create. Her friends that liked to write got paper or pens or ink; the artists got brushes, paper, paints, brushes, paper, paints, crayons or pencils; the photographers got film, the musicians cassettes, the sculptors, clay. 

Christmas had come and gone, but Debbie knew that Ned needed to let his emotions out, and she knew what worked best for her when she was feeling sad or alone or angry. 

So she called Ned's house and invited him over to her garden for some lemonade. 

Ned was embarrassed that Debbie had seen him being teased, but he accepted her invitation because he liked and admired her, and he did not want to go on looking like a bruised and boiled beet. 

So while Ned played with Bob in the yard, Debbie made lemonade and searched through her Christmas toy chest for exactly the right gift, a book, of course! 

Debbie brought the lemonade out and sat down across the table from Ned. 

They sat in silence for awhile, enjoying the lemonade and the setting summer sun. 

"Some people hurt others because it makes them feel better," Debbie said. 

"Yeah, I know," mumbled Ned. 

"And they often pick on people that don't fight back, or who are quiet." 

When Ned said nothing, Debbie paused, took a sip of lemonade, then went on.

"Some people get teased and hurt but don't fight back... And for different reasons. They usually aren't afraid of the bully, something else stops them." 

"You got that right," muttered Ned under his breath. Debbie pretended she didn't hear. 

"They may know that it is not good to fight but they may not know that it is not good to bottle their emotions and just take it." 

"Then what in the world are they supposed to do," interjected a very frustrated Ned, "Sorry." 

"It's all right," said Debbie, then she paused. 

"What I do when I get so mad I want to hit someone," Ned looked at her with surprise as she continued, "is take a walk, I go somewhere by myself, and try to think about things I love..." 

"But when I am really mad, so mad that I see red and can't think, I write my feelings out in a book. I write until I have solved my problem. or when my anger is gone. All that I write is private, and most of it is hot air, but that's what you get when you let off steam," 

Debbie grinned sheepishly, "Sorry for the corny jokes." 

Before Ned could say anything, Debbie placed the empty diary in his hands. Ned's face twisted in a mixture of embarrassment, anger and relief. 

"You shouldn't have Debbie," Ned cried as he started to turn red. 

"Just think of it as an early Christmas present," Debbie replied. 

They sat there side by side, listening to the birds, not saying a word, but enjoying each other's company, nonetheless. After what seemed an eternity, Ned reached over and squeezed Debbie's hand. 

"Thank you," he mumbled as he let go and quickly got up. 

Debbie turned and called out a cheerful "You're Welcome!" to Ned's back as he rushed through her house and out the front door. 

Ned ran upstairs to his room and stuck the diary into his drawer. 

He didn't look at it again for a week. Instead of going to the library or seeing Bob, he stayed late at school to do his homework or hit a tennis ball against a brick wall when no one was around. Because he stayed so late at school, the bullies were long gone by the time he walked home. 

But every day he got more and more lonely. 

Bob was lonely too. He would stick his wet nose through a hole in the fence between Ned and Debbie's yard and sniff and snuffle loudly. When he heard or smelled Ned coming home, he jumped up and wagged his tail furiously. But Ned ignored him and went to his room. Bob howled mournfully and crept back to Debbie's back porch for a more friendly body. This happened for four straight days. 

But on Friday, something changed. On Friday, Ned was walking home late from school when he saw Norriss and his gang hanging out at the corner of his block. Before they could see him, Ned quickly turned and ran down the block before his as fast as he could. 

At the same time, Debbie, who was home early for the weekend, was taking Bob for a walk. Bob heard the familiar sounds of Ned's running feet around the corner, leapt forward and started running fast as he could, pulling his leash out of Debbie's hands. 

"Wait," Debbie cried, but it was too late...

I Was a Teenage Dimestore Novel Ch. 2



Bob went bounding off at full speed. Ned, too busy running to hear anything but his own pounding heart and slapping feet, was headed to the same spot. He saw a dark and quickly growing shadow and looked up just as Bob leapt, paws wide and tongue ready for a hello slobber.

Before Ned could do anything, Bob knocked him onto the grassy yard of the house on the corner, and was licking Ned's head, face, arms and neck, his tail wagging madly.

Ned tried to wrestle Bob away but gave up as he started to laugh hard from all the messy affection he was getting.

Debbie had stopped about 10 feet away and was biting her fist to keep from laughing.

Finally Bob calmed down, and Ned was able to sit up. He closed his eyes and wrapped his his arms around his furry red friend, who wagged his tale and doggy-grinned contentedly.

"Hello Ned," called Debbie.

Ned opened his eyes and looked up. He thought he should be embarrassed for some reason, but he just felt happy and content. 

"Hello...", he paused, looking at Debbie in a new light. Looking at her in a way he had never done before, not even after she chased away the bullies the previous week. It wasn't better or worse, just different.

"Ned, could you walk Bob for me," she asked with a small smile, "He has alot of energy today, I am afraid I couldn't keep up."

As if casting his vote in favor of the suggestion, Bob wagged his tail eagerly and licked Ned's face. Ned turned a mellow shade of pink, which Debbie reasoned was more from Bob's sand-paper tongue than from any embarassment Ned might feel.

"Sure thing, Ms. Starr, I mean Debbie," he replied, "just let me put my books away and tell my parents." 

Ned jumped up and scratch the top of Bob's head. 

"Stay Bob," he called as he ran into his house like a shot.

Before Bob could slobber another drop, Ned was back and grabbing his leash.

"We'll be back in an hour," he called over his shoulder as boy and dog bolted back towards the school and the park beyond.

"Be careful," Debbie called after them with a smile in her voice. A single tear flowed from her eye.

"Now Debbie Starr, you're not getting mushy and maternal about the boy are you?" she chided herself. "Why he's in the eighth grade, for goodness sake."

She smiled again, walked back inside her house, sat down at her piano and played a few variations of "It's A Wonderful World."

Chapter 3

When she looked at the clock an hour had past. She was so involved in the music that she never heard Ned and Bob return. 

Ned was practicing fencing moves from his favorite Kung Fu video, and Bob was yelping and snapping eagerly at the flashing plastic blade.

"Dinner time Ned," his mother called.

"OK Mom, I'm coming," Ned replied.

Ned gave Bob one last scratch behind the ears, then wiped his hands on his slightly soiled pants.

He ran to Debbie's back door and knocked. Debbie was stading on the other side of the door, and had to catch herself from flinging it open too fast.

"Hello Ned, how was your walk?" she said in a light voice.

"Great!" exclaimed Ned, "But I wish you were there. I mean, er... Excuse me," said Ned, turning a brilliant shade of crimson red.

Debbie, turning scarlet herself, caught her breath.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!" She growled in her best Rhett Butler/Groucho Marx imitation.

They both laughed as Debbie took Ned's hand in her's and pretended to kiss it in true gentlemanly fashion.

When they caught their breaths, Debbie said, " There is a new Susan Cooper book about the Selkies, that I think you might like, let me get it for you."

As she turned to go inside to get the book, she heard Ned whisper "woof", under his breath. Debbie's mouth went dry, her chest cold. This was a sound she hadn't heard him say since he was a proud 9 year old, too grown for childish games. Slowly, stiffly she turned around. Ned didn't move a muscle, and just barely managed to keep from crying.

Anger, fear, hope and ecstatic joy raced through Debbie's shaking body like torrents of water and fire, battling for supremacy. 

She took a long, slow breath, then leaned forward until her nose was just inches from Ned's. Her eyes searched his for any sign that he was teasing her.

Ned's right eye started to twitch, and his whole body was beet red. Fear had won out, and was the only emotion roaring like an avalanche through his cold veins.

He was afraid that Debbie would take his gesture the wrong way, that she wouldn't appreciate his long overdue attempt at thanking her. Even worse, he was afraid that she would never want to see him again... All thes fears roared through his mind. A tear welled up in his right eye and ran down his cheek.

"You're leaking," Debbie said with a grin.

Before Ned could wipe his face, Debbie jumped up and put her hands on her hips, a proud smile on her face. A startled Ned smiled in relief and slowly straightened to his full height, an inch below her.

"Ok everyone, let's do the Animal song," said Debbie, acting like a very self-assured ring master, "follow along."

"Put your knuckles on the ground, and swing your arms about,

Pucker your lips and you do the fish pout.

Put your hands on your hips and flap your wings,

that's the way you do the Animal Dance!

Swing your arms way high like an osprey flying,

One leg up a flamingo is a flamingo sighing.

Both feet down and the bear starts eating

that's the way you do the Animal Dance!

Hands at your sides, now you're turning human.

Heads together with the Inuit greeting..."

They rested their foreheads together gently, and slowly brought their noses together in an eskimo greeting.

"That's the way you do the animal dance," they whispered, closing their eyes.

Chapter 4

Debbie and Nedd rested with their heads together and eyes closed for an eternity.

Finally, Ned started making a whispering sound that flowed and repeated over again, flowed and repeated over and over again and again. To Debbie it sounded like bees gathering honey. She listened carefully and could barely pick out the words, one at a time.

Buzz buzz you. Buzz buzz you. I buzz you. I buzz you, I buzz you. I love you. I love you. I love you...

As she listened, Debbie began to cry. Slowly, quietly at first, and then louder until her hiccups and stifled sobs drowned out Ned's litany. Thinking that he had made a horrible mistake, Ned jerked his head back and thrust his fist to his mouth, tears streaming down his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean..." Ned blurted.

"No," said Debbie, shaking her head and beginning to smile, "It's ok, it's all... right."

"I'm sorry," Ned Blubbered, "I'm sorry."

"No, be quiet. Listen to me, please, listen," she whispered.

"I'm so sorry..."

Debbie shook her head and literally grabbed Ned's cheeks so that he had to look her in the eye.

"No," she said with quiet force, "don't be sorry."

"I'm so ashamed," hiccupped Ned, through his tears.

"I Love you Ned," whispered Debbie.

"I am sorry!"

"I Love you."

Ned blinked and frowned.

"No" he replied, trying to shake his head.

"I. Love. You." she whispered fiercely.

"Don't tease me," Ned shot back.

Debbie looked up towards the ceiling with a fearful, questioning look, then closed her eyes.

Ned brought his hands up to her wrists and tried to pull them away, but he might as well have been trying to break steel cables. Debbies' arms bent but she would not release her grip on his face. A tingle of fear started creeping up his back. He was about to yell for help when Debbie's head shot forward, faster than a viper. 

He felt her lips land on his like a butterfly on a flower...

...and his world shattered.

Debbie had done what Ned had always dreamed and hoped she would do, and he never felt more excited or afraid in his life. He slowly tried to relax, which was hard, because Debbie's hands still held his head in a vise grip. But when he managed to breath evenly again, her hands began to slide slowly down the sides of his face and neck, coming to rest gently on his shoulders. Her lips were still on his, and an electric current seemed to pass back and forth between them.

Slowly Ned loosened his grip on Debbies' wrists and tentatively moved his hands to her shoulders. Tentatively, because no matter how much he loved and trusted her, he was afraid. Afraid of his parents, afraid of making the wrong move, afraid for her, afraid for himself. He began to shake with a horrendous mix of guilt, love, fear and desire until he couldn't take it any longer. He pulled his head away and just stared, shaking, at the angel, the demon, the woman in front. They held each other at arms length and stared, and stared.

"I will never hurt you," Debbie whispered, tears streaming down her face.

He Suddenly pulled her in towards him and hugged her tightly, fiercely. Rocking back and forth, they cried all their emotions free.

Debbie stroked Ned's hair and whispered "It's all right, it's all right." over and over again.

They slowly collapsed to the floor in a crumpled heap and sat there for a while looking at each other.

"I want to show you something Ned, something that I have never shown anyone, something that you should see."

Ned nodded and got up with a serious look on his face. He leaned over to offer Debbie a hand but she grinned wickedly and pulled him back down. Quick as a flash she rolled him on his back and sat on his stomach, pinning his arms over his head.

"I love you Ned, but you're going to have to know whose boss."

She leaned forward slowly, and slid down until she was sitting astride his hips with her stomach and chest pressed against his body. Ned willed himself to look her straight in the eyes. 

Outside, a bird called once and was quiet. Bob woke up, stretched and settled back to sleep on the porch. Time moved forward through molasses. 

tick tick tick tick 

"You are," Debbie whispered, and kissed Ned lightly on the lips.

Ned would never forget those words, or the time his heart stood still...

"But you'll have to lighten up if you want to be my friend," she giggled as she rolled him over him over onto his stomach. Quick as a flash she grabbed Ned's left foot and proceeded to tickle him until all angst and desire fled, and he was pounding the floor and begging for her to stop.

"Right this way," she motioned as she jumped up and help him to his still unsteady feet.

He followed her past her bedroom to a closed blue door at the end of the hall. Painted on the doorknob was a Yin-Yang symbol.

"Bluebeard's castle," He whispered, his eyes as wide as saucers.

Debbie bowed a deep bow, "Ah, you pass numbah one test glasshoppah," she lisped.

As she bowed, she drew a key that lay between her breasts, unclipped it from the silver chain it hung from, and unlocked the door, ignoring Ned's slight flush. She stepped inside and bowed towards the far end of the room, then drew Ned inside. Teh room was entirely white with Japanese tatami mats covering the floor. On the opposite wall at eye level were two Japanese swords arranged in a classical samurai fashion. Above the swords was a photograph of Helen Keller.

Debbie got down on her knees and bowed to the swords. She then got up and moved behind Ned.

"Ned, I love you more than anyone in the world. And maybe you want to return that love..."

Ned nodded.

Debbie waited for a heart beat then continued...

"I won't be your partner and can't be until this wonderful society says we can."

Ned whirled around but the sight of Debbies' tears and bitter smile stopped his tongue.

"You will understand, and I will try to make it as plain as I can. But for now welcome to my Hidden Fortress, my Batcave, my Dojo. Take a look around."

Ned nodded and looked past her to a picture above the door. It was a singer he had heard once. Someone who had frightened him to the core with her shrieks, moans and thunderous chords, Diamanda Galas. He grinned a smile of understanding at the opposition of Helen Keller and Diamanda Galas, and turned to his right.

Somewhere Bob barked.

Bob choked back a sob as understanding thundered through him like 1000 wild horses. He rocked back and forth clenching and unclenching his fists and trying to breath.

Debbie put her hand on his shoulder to support him, and prayed to all the old gods she had ever read about that she had not made a horrible, tragic mistake.

A single picture hung on the white wall. A picture of Ned, taken the year before by Debbie before he went to a school dance. 

Debbie put her hand on his other shoulder and gripped him gently.

"Close your eyes," she whispered.

Ned obeyed as if in a trance. Out of nowhere came a slow song. A lone trumpet sighing the blues.

"Satchmo," the whispered as she enfolded him in a strong dance position. "Just step normally and follow my lead.

They danced around the moon, speeding up, slowing down, always in time with the music, always flowing. 

As the music stopped, Debbie lowered her arms and stepped back. Ned kept his eyes closed and arms up, savoring the tingling sensations in his right hand and on his back. When he opened his eyes, Debbie was behind him and they were both facing the wall that he had not yet seen.

In the center of the wall was a photograph with a black cloth over it. A single tear of blood glared at him like an angry eye, challenging him to raise the curtain. Debbie stepped beside Ned and together they stared at the red eye.

"That is the first man to betray me," Debbie murmured, her voice dead and cold.

Ned found her hand and squeezed it whil he struggled to find something to say.

"Thank goodness It's not my father. My father opened my mind. That man opened my heart, then ate it with a nice Chianti..."

"Debbie, I am so sorry," Ned began.

Chapter 5

"It's Ok," she squeezed his hand back, "I'm in recovery," she said lightly.

Then in a more serious tone: "Ned promise me this."

"Anything!"

She glanced at him quizzically and he turned a deep pink.

"OK, almost anything," he muttered, examining his foot with sudden interest.

Debbie punched him lightly on hte shoulder.

"Seriously..."

"Always," he said with an impish smile.

"Ned," Debbie paused.

"Ned, what ever we do her together is not a secret. I would never harm you knowingly and hope you feel the same."

"Of course, but..."

"I love you," She broke in, "I love you and that's a fact. My actions with you today have been second-guessed to death, I've made plans, booked tickets for your 18th birthday, cancelled the bookings and nearly walked in fron of a bus because I was thinking inappropriate thoughts about. you. Now don't turn into a radish on me!"

Ned laughed nervously as Debbie continued in a mock-serious tone of voice.

"There are no inappropriate thoughts. There are only inappropriate responses to thoughts. Responses such as guilt or repression; and there are inappropriate moments for those thoughts to take over. Walking in front of an oncoming bus is an inoppropriate moment. "But I stand by what I do and say, and I am not ashamed. Sometimes I am afraid, but I am not ashamed, and I do not want you to be ashamed. Ever."

She spoke fiercely, with a precision and force Ned had never heard before. What she said was coming from deep whithin her and was fueled by a fiery core that Ned had only seen on the surface as humor and wit before.

"Debbie, I am not ashamed, and I want to love you."

Debbie grabbed Ned and kissed him forcefully on the lips, branding the feeling forever into his mind, body and soul.

"Ned Doggy Dog," She said, using his "pet" name. You can love me anytime you want: inside, outside, fast or slow, in the library, in your bedroom... Anywhere in your imagination.

"You are my Sir Galahad, my Gawaine, sometimes even my Kay."

"Sir Kay or Danny Kaye," Ned grinned.

"No one can replace Danny Kaye," smiled Debbie.

"But..."

"I will not have you become my Lancelot, my Mordred. You know what happened to them.

"And Arthur?" asked Ned.

"Arthur died years ago," smiled Debbie, a single tear running down her face.

She jerked her thumb over her shoulder int he direction of the covered picture.

"That's my Merlin. He taught me well. I stole his power long ago. But I do not want to be Morgan anymore, do you understand? She took his hands looked into his wide, wide eyes...

Suddenly, Ned got a wicked grin on his face.

"Paging Snow White. The witch is dead and Prince Charming has left the building."

Debbie Giggled. "He was too stiff anyways."

"Will you settle for the Seven Dwarves?" asked Ned.

"Just as long as you keep Sleepy and Grumpy awake and pacified."

Ned nodded, then burst into tears. He threw his arms around Debbie and sobbed quietly. She stood and held him while tears of relief streamed down her face.

"Sorry," Ned mumbled, choking back another round of saltwater.

"Only real men cry," whispered Debbie.

They stood in the middle of the room, holding each other, warming each other and rocking back and forth.

"Ahem." came a loud voice clearing it's throat from the doorway.

It was Ned's father, a look of steely anger in his eyes.

Ned let go of Debbie and slowly faced his father, chin high and arms wide.

"It's ok dad," He said with as much force as his exhausted mind could muster.

Ned's father unclenched his fists and slowly let his breath out.

"I know son, I know," he said quietly.

"Ned is an amazing person," Debbie said, "and I do love him more than anyone else in the world. That's why I want a friendship with him and maybe more, ten years down the road."

Ned's father's eyes blazed and then he smiled.

"You have a silver tongue, Debbie Starr. A quick wit and a silver tongue. But I suppose the truth is always easy to express."

He looked at Ned and grinned:

"A little abstinence is good for you son, it fires the imagination."

Ned turned a beet red and shot daggers at his father with flinty eyes. Debbie harrumphed and grinned malicisouly at the little man in the corner. She lowered her head and slowly, ever so slowly, raised her eyes to meet his. They stared at each other for a full minute as Ned's father grew redder and redder with anger and resentment.

Ned looked between them anxiously and finally grabbed Debbie's surprisingly relaxed hand.

Debbies' grin softened to a warm smile, and she lowered her gaze to watch her fingers interlock with Neds'. Golden tan and pale white snakes, roots, gripping the earth together and holding up the sky. Ned looked into her eyes and smiled shyly.

"I'll see you tomorrow Debbie," he said as he walked out the door, "at the library."

After Dinner that night, Ned sat down at his desk and thought about the days events. He opened his drawer, pulled out the diary and opened the front cover. Then he smiled. Debbie had written the following:

"To Ned, a private place for your hopes and fears. Keep it safe from parents, friends, teachers... and especially snoopy librarians."

He laughed out loud, grinned again and began to write. From next door, a Bach two-part invention started. When Bob yelped in perfect cacaphony, the song stopped, and shifted into a three part invention, slowly at first, then picking up speed. Bob sighed contendly, scratched himself behind an ear and curled up to sleep; Exactly halfway between the two houses. 

The End