2 comments/ 8345 views/ 0 favorites Different Points Of View By: Blkhearted1 She sat, quietly watching the flower fairies open the early morning flowers. There was no rush to their work, no sense of distress. They exuded from their very beings the total confidence that everything would go as planned. What would it be like to go through life with only the worries of how much dew to give to this flower or where to plant a few extra seeds? A life without deadlines or back stabbing, she shook her head. It was beyond her ability of imagination. She glanced up and realized that she had stayed too long, again. He watched her go, debating with himself. His fellow workers would never notice, they were all so content in their work. Looking back and seeing them fluttering around, his decision was made. He rushed off after her. Her world was so much more exciting then his, so much more to do. There was nothing pre-arranged in her world. Things could happen in an instant that would change a life forever. What would it be like to go through life being able to make important decisions, things that would actually effect the world? He glanced around and realized he had arrived at his destination. “Carol, get the personnel records for everyone hired in the last five years, please. I need them before lunch.” She put her head in her hands and sighed. She didn’t bother telling her secretary that the reason she wanted the files. The word would get out soon enough that the decision had come down from the bosses above; the cutbacks were unavoidable. She now had the job of telling four hundred people that their presence at this company was no longer required. How many of them had families? How many of lives was she about to ruin? How long would it take to get things back to the way they were? After the very last person walked out of her office, to go tell their loved ones they were now unemployed, how long would it take for her to forget the looks on their faces? She turned to stare out her window, her mind drifting off to the beautiful scene she had witnessed this morning. The brilliant flashes of the first rays of sun bouncing off the gossamer wings of the fairies. The look of tenderness on the face of a tiny female, with raven hair, as she patted a wilted petal, giving it encouragement to grow. At the sound of her secretary knocking at her door, she turned and readied herself for the first batch of files. He watched through her window as she began to politely explain to people that the Company had to cut back if it wanted to make a profit this year. She spoke with authority yet, he could tell, there was an under current of compassion in her voice. About halfway through her interviews, she received a phone call. From the one-sided conversation he heard, he could tell that her superiors were pleased with her handling of the present situation. He had to admit that he was totally in the dark about what, exactly, she was doing but, it all seemed so important. As though she was really making a difference. Hours went by as he watched in awe at her ability to handle so many different things at once. He glanced up at the coming darkness. He had stayed too long, again. She had thought it would all be too much! But, she had managed handling the strain of firing people like a trooper. The dreams came less often after three weeks. She had been lucky enough not to have anyone become weepy or hostile in her office. Yes, everyone was excepting their fates with dignity, or so she thought. However, when a now ex-employee barged into her office she was stunned, even amazed. This same man had left her an hour ago with a firm handshake and a small smile. When he pulled out a gun and began firing, her stunned amazement turned into an overwhelming sense of calm. She knew she should try to save herself, try some maneuver to get the gun away from him. But all that came into her mind were the fairies. It seemed to her, in the last fleeting seconds of her life, that she had used up all her self preservation instincts making it to where she was in the Company. All she wanted now was to be among the fairies. To be one of them,...forever. A slight smile played on her lips as she sank into darkness. The spot were they laid her to rest was his spot now. He still didn’t understand how this could have happened. She had been so important. Even in passing she had changed his life, given it meaning. He had a special job, and he owed it all to her. As hot tears rolled down his face, he pushed one of his fellow workers away. Every morning, no matter the weather, he came out and opened the flowers he had planted, just for her. Different Points of View I originally conceived this submission as an autobiographical piece, however it soon morphed into a fictionalized biography. The bones of the story are true, just embellished. For example, "The Document" is real, just not as outrageous, my wife practices domestic discipline, just not as ritualized, and so forth. The Afterword is for the most part composed of words my wife has actually spoken at various times to various people just not all at once. Please enjoy. Constructive criticism is always welcome. * When Lynn and I first met she was an absolute virgin. It went beyond never having had sex; she had no idea what any of it was about. She had never seen a naked male, man or child. Her mother was extremely uptight about sex and only told her sex was painful and an unpleasant duty she would have to suffer through for the sake of her husband. Lynn didn't know the mechanics of sex, the what where when or how. She only knew she had a need. Lynn was truly a complete virgin. Because she had no experience of any kind I knew that we would have to go very slowly and carefully. Despite how much I wanted to jump her beautiful bones I held back, took my time. We started building up to intercourse at least two months before we "went all the way". Even so, when the big moment arrived we went very slowly. We actually took 5 hours of foreplay before we got into bed. Still I moved slowly. Balls bluer than blue I took my time and let her set the pace, able to back out any time she wished. I even took the bottom so she could control the penetration. I was a saint and it changed my life. Just as an infant is infinitely innocent, it is infinitely selfish. An infant wants what it wants and it wants it now and it expects you to provide it because it doesn't know that life should be any other way. Lynn was totally innocent about anything sexual and so totally selfish. I had introduced her to her sexuality by focusing entirely on her needs, disregarding my own and so in her innocence she thought that was just the way sexual relations were always supposed to be. Eventually, when I tried to assert my needs she became upset and confused. Still we were having sex multiple times every day so who was I to complain. I went along to get along. As Lynn discovered the joy of her sexuality she became very curious about all aspects of it. Because she came to it with no preconceived notions about right and wrong or moral and immoral she was open to anything I suggested that would enhance her pleasure. She immediately became interested in porno flicks when I first rented one to show her different practices and techniques. She remains a lover of porn movies to this day, although she tends to only watch those that have, shall we say, strong female leads. At one point very early on, just before I rented our first porn movie I told her that most men liked porno and most women didn't because men were more visually oriented in their sexuality than women were. She said she didn't know what I was talking about she loved seeing me naked. Shyly she asked if when we were alone together would I mind not wearing any clothes. She loved looking at my body. Specifically she to liked to look at and endlessly play with my cock. Lynn was utterly fascinated watching it swell and subside and swell again. Something she caused to happen a hundred times a day. Of course, I agreed, who doesn't like to be told they're beautiful to look at and receive lots of sexual attention? Strange thing though, when I asked her to be naked with me she declined. She said she wasn't comfortable without her clothes. And so it began. I guess I'm to blame. I felt so protective of Lynn and I wanted to ensure that her introduction to sex was as perfect as I knew how to make it. I was willing to do anything to make it a wonderful experience. I did that by totally focusing on her needs at the expense of my own. By the time the bloom was off the rose it was too late to change the status quo. I was stuck as the junior partner in our sexual relations. At the time though I wasn't complaining. I was, and still am so very much in love with Lynn that I felt and still do that being trusted to introduce her to her sexuality, allow her to explore and develop it then share it with her is the greatest honor I have ever had in my life. Even if my sexuality has had to suffer because of it. The thing that set the tone for the rest of our relationship was, from the first time we made love, at the end of that very long session of foreplay, I allowed her to control my release. I wanted to be sure that she was completely satisfied before I came. When I first told her to let me know when she was ready for me to cum I should have known that she didn't have a clue what I was talking about. You should have seen her eyes get all big and round when I released the pent-up flood into her. I didn't know it then, though I do now, that when I let loose she thought that this was the unpleasant part her mother had told her about and having that mess inside her was the burden she had to bear. In short, Lynn loved sex but hated my ejaculation. But for a while she put up with it as her mother told her she must. Ultimately, though, the message I had sent was that Lynn was entitled to control my sexuality. That's not the message I intended to send. I wanted to let her know that I was committed to her gratification. But that wasn't the one she received, a misunderstanding that has come to dominate my life. Eventually Lynn would forget to tell me when she was ready for my release, or so she said, or she would ask that I save it for another session later that day. As time progressed "later" wasn't happening all the time. I suffered in silence for a while, too long, it seems. When I finally broached the subject of my frustration Lynn was unapologetic. She didn't like me depositing my "sticky mess" inside her body and she didn't want me to do it anymore. Needless to say I was pretty upset about that and suggested that we use condoms so both of us could enjoy the sexual experience. We tried them quite a few times but neither of us liked them. For me there was a lack of sensation and for her there was an artificial feeling like I was using a dildo on her. So condoms were eventually abandoned and I had to learn to control my orgasm. Actually what I learned was tantric sex without knowing that's what it was. I learned that I could allow myself to go right to the edge of ejaculation and stop. If done correctly this produced an orgasm without an ejaculation. No, I didn't get it right all at once and I still slip-up today, but eventually I figured it out. So there was a compromise, I wouldn't cum inside her and she would get me off by hand when I really felt the need. Typically this would happen on Saturday or Sunday morning. Lynn would play with me like she did all the rest of the time but on these early mornings she would finish the job instead of leaving me frustrated. One morning I didn't realize I was close to release and I failed to warn Lynn to move her hand out of the way. When I came it covered her hand completely. She told me it was disgusting. And placing her hand to my lips she said, "here clean this up" and I did. That was the first time I ever tasted my ejaculate. I didn't really mind it. There was something very erotic about sucking her fingers and licking her hand. It didn't taste like much of anything to me and, as it turns out, that is a good thing. Ever since then whenever I "make a mess" Lynn expects me to clean it up in the same way regardless where I make it. But since then Lynn rarely gives me even a hand job anymore. Now, occasionally she gives her permission and then supervises while I get myself off, usually onto a plate or into a glass to make it easier to "clean up my own mess". Lynn calls it recycling. We have been together a long time now and as with most people we have grown and evolved in the relationship. Lynn is no longer the shy virgin and I am no longer the worldly-wise sex ed. instructor. Lynn has grown into a confident woman who knows what she wants and isn't shy about demanding it. I, on the other hand, have grown accustomed to living with a woman who is very strong willed and demanding. I find that I like this arrangement. There is a comfort in having some one else make all the decisions. We got to a point where Lynn no longer made any attempt at sexual fairness. Sex was all about her. Period. In fact, most of our relationship had evolved into that. I loved her madly and would do anything for her. Lynn liked me naked, so I was naked. Lynn didn't like to cook, so I cooked. Lynn didn't like doing the laundry, so I did the laundry. Lynn in fact didn't like to do much around the house so I did it. Gladly. Even our morning routine was "Lynn-centered". I got up early, put on the coffee, laid out her clothes for the day, got her toothbrush ready and then gently woke her. When she was ready for her shower I prepared it and got into the shower with her (we have a specially designed enclosure that is comfortable for us both) and bathed her. I washed most of her body with body wash (she doesn't allow me to clean her sex. She says I don't have the right touch. I am either too harsh or too soft). I washed her hair and shaved the parts, which needed shaving (legs, arm pits and slight bikini line). I helped her dry off then took my own shower, which included shaving off my pubes and armpits because Lynn has this thing about pubic hair. Mine, not hers. Then I dried the shower walls and doors. Finally I dried myself then helped Lynn get dressed. I held her underpants while she stepped into them. I pulled them into place and helped her into her bra. I snapped the hooks and slipped her blouse over her shoulders and buttoned it. Lynn sat down and I slipped her socks on her feet. This morning it was cotton socks, they're easy, I hate her pantyhose. While she was still seated I started slipping her jeans up her legs. Lynn stood up while I finished getting them in place and buttoning them closed. Finally I zipped her fly and put her belt through the loops. We still go through this routine every day, the only variation is in what clothes Lynn wears. Once Lynn was dressed I went off to make breakfast. Did you ever fry bacon in the nude? Early one Saturday, I was starting the laundry before waking Lynn and doing the rest of the morning routine when I suddenly realized what I had become. I was a servant in my own house. I was kept naked, at Lynn's beck and call 24/7 to cook and clean and fetch. I wasn't in control of anything not even my own sexuality. Not long before this I had admitted to Lynn that in order to control myself when making love to her after long periods without sexual release, I sometimes masturbated. She thought about it for a few seconds and then exploded. I have never seen Lynn so angry. She screamed at me to bend over and grab my ankles. Her reaction was so extreme and so fast I didn't even think to argue I just bent over. For the first, but not the last time in our marriage Lynn spanked me. She actually spanked me! My shy little virgin spanked me. She hit my ass as hard as she could until her hand began to sting then she grabbed a hairbrush and wailed away until her fury was spent and my ass was on fire. All the while she was telling me that she knew what was best for me and I had better pay attention to her or I'd regret it. She knew what my needs were better than I did and she could see that ejaculation made me lazy and inattentive to her needs so she was going to control it for both our sakes. Lynn said that as far as she was concerned, masturbating was the same as cheating on her with another woman. I had better get used to the idea that from now on Lynn was going to control when and how much sexual and every other kind of satisfaction I was going to get and I was only going to get it when she decided to give it to me. That from now on if she even thought I was masturbating she would make this spanking seem like love pats. That was a watershed moment in our marriage and in my life. Today I think of our history together and my life in terms of "Before the Spanking" and "After the Spanking". In an instant our roles were totally reversed and our relationship completely redefined. It was as though I had suddenly reverted back into a schoolboy who had been caught jacking off. I was small, powerless and humiliated before her. In that moment, for the first time I understood her very real power. I never saw it coming but she had gained power over me in a way I had never imagined possible. She had asserted her authority and dominion over me as though it was hers by natural right and I had accepted it without protest. What had I become? I was helpless, totally overwhelmed by her awesome feminine power, her assertiveness and my love for her. That act broke a barrier between us and forever reversed our roles in the marriage. From that moment on my junior status in our marriage was set on a slippery slope and has deteriorated ever more over time. It was the first but far from the last discipline Lynn meted out and it has defined our roles, ever since, more clearly than anything else that has happened. Shortly "After the Spanking" incident, I made an attempt to regain some measure of, if not control, at least equality in our relationship I sat down and wrote out a list of my complaints. I knew that it would never do to just blurt out my dissatisfaction. Lynn would never listen to "whining" as she would deem it. No, I had to come at this obliquely. I decided to try humor. I would write out my discussion points in a humorous way that would disarm Lynn's defenses and open a dialog about my increasingly junior role in this relationship. Somehow, over a very short time it seemed that Lynn had gathered all the power to herself and I had none. That was never in my plan. In the beginning I focused on her happiness to make sure she was comfortable awakening and exploring her sexuality for the first time. I sincerely wanted that to be the best possible experience for her. No, it wasn't entirely selfless. I did think that if I helped her discover sex in a positive, Lynn-affirming way that I would, ultimately, reap the benefits. But somehow that had backfired and I wound up such a junior partner in the relationship that Lynn felt empowered, no, entitled, to actually inflict corporal punishments and deny me sexual gratification. The very thing I had hoped to gain from allowing her to take the lead sexually. Now she was not only organizing our mutual sex lives for her exclusive benefit, she was organizing all the rest of our life together for her exclusive benefit as well. Entirely at my expense. I still loved her madly but I felt there should be some balance in the relationship. I didn't mind her having the largest say in our sexual relations, after all it her body that I was using. I didn't mind doing all the household chores. But, by the same token it was my body that she was using too and not just for sex but for domestic chores and personal service. If nothing else, I wanted more control over my own sexuality. Okay, so how to put all that into a humorous, non-threatening form? I decided on irony. I would write a document, a kind of deed or contract that would highlight all of my concerns as though they were gifts to be bestowed for her exclusive ownership. I would make it so outrageous that she would laugh and say "that's ridiculous" and then I could open a dialog about each one. I sat down at the computer and over the next few days, using clip-art, graphics and fonts. I created a very convincing deed of trust. Really, it looked just like the real thing. I even went to the craft store and found an official looking gold seal and some heavy, vellum-like paper. On that official looking document I wrote the following: To all who see these presents, greetings. Be it known, that having especial love, faith and trust in Lynn B, Jerry B gives, transfers, bestows and grants unto her exclusive possession and ownership, without any mental reservation or hesitation and relinquishing all future claims irrevocably and in perpetuity the following: 1. The physical body that Jerry B resides in is hereby given to Lynn B. It is hers to use in any manner she sees fit. It is Jerry B's responsibility to keep and maintain that body in good working order and make it available at all times for Lynn's use. Lynn B has no limitation on the demands she can make of said body. Jerry B must willingly and cheerfully obey and carryout Lynn B's demands at all times without hesitation or complaint. 2. It understood that Lynn B will use said body to her exclusive benefit, without regard to the feelings, wants or needs of the person who resides within it, within the bounds of prudent, life maintenance. She will use said body in any manner and by whatever means she deems fit and proper. 3. Further, it is agreed that the purpose of this gift is to enhance Lynn B's life experience. Lynn B is expected to use this body to relieve her of any burden she does not wish to bear including, but not limited to any and all domestic chores, personal hygiene functions, sexual need, wardrobe maintenance and avoiding unpleasant persons or situations. 4. Accepting this boon places a burden on Lynn B. Lynn B. is charged with ensuring Jerry B performs all tasks and services in a prompt, cheerful and willing manner. She is to set the most exacting standards for Jerry B's performance and establish the strictest standard of discipline, liberally mete out any correction or punishment she feels appropriate for any infraction, no matter how minor. 5. She will establish regularly scheduled discipline sessions weekly, regardless of how satisfactory Jerry B's performance may be. During these sessions Lynn B is tasked to paddle Jerry a minimum of 25 strokes not stopping until his behind is bright red all over in addition to any other disciplinary actions which amuse her. It is agreed that, at any time it amuses her, Lynn B may discipline Jerry B with out cause. Jerry B has no recourse except to accept it all willingly and cheerfully. 6. Jerry B gives to Lynn all his rights as an individual. From this moment he ceases to be a person and becomes a possession of Lynn B's. He is now an extension of her person. He has no rights of any kind; all rights are transferred to Lynn B. Jerry B cannot ever, by word act or deed express the slightest dissatisfaction with Lynn B's treatment of the body, which used to his. 7. This additional burden is placed on Jerry B, he may never, from this moment on, ever express an opinion, negative statement or complaint about anything, whether related to this transfer or not. 8. He is never allowed to express by word, act or deed any personal need he may have, Lynn B will care for all his needs as she sees fit. This is especially in force concerning anything related to sexual functions. 9. Jerry B may never again speak of anything related to any aspect of sex unless Lynn B initiates a conversation and grants him permission to speak. 10. Jerry B may never by word, act or deed attempt to initiate any sexual act. 11. Jerry B recognizes that all his bodily functions are now the exclusive property of Lynn B to do with as she sees fit and as a part of this transfer that he knows he is giving-up all control over his sexual gratification. Any pleasure or gratification Jerry B receives from this moment forward will be totally coincidental. 12. Jerry B accepts that it is Lynn B's sole discretion when, if ever, he may again obtain sexual release. 13. All pleasure and gratification are reserved for Lynn B. Jerry will derive all his pleasure from having the great honor and privilege of serving Lynn B. Different Points of View By affixing his signature below Jerry B certifies his understanding of this transfer, that he willingly and cheerfully, without coercion of any kind, makes this transfer of his own free will and out of deep and abiding love of Lynn B, placing his trust in her stewardship, grateful to be a part of her life and possessing a strong desire to know and carry out her will. Lynn B, by affixing her signature below certifies that she fully understands the enormity of this gift and the burden it places on her to ensure that all of the terms and conditions are carried out to her complete satisfaction while imposing the highest, most exacting standards of performance and discipline on her new body. Lynn B willingly accepts this burden of her own free will, without coercion, hesitation or mental reservation. Signed, this date: I thought that I had done a good job. The document was so over the top that the only possible response would be total incredulity and disbelief. I felt it was the perfect vehicle to disarm Lynn and open the dialog I wanted. Every point I wanted to make was in this document but blown up to cartoon proportions. Laughter could be the only possible reaction. I signed it and left it and an ink pen beside Lynn's breakfast plate on Sunday morning. I chose Sunday because that would give us the entire day to have our discussion in peace and quiet, without distraction. When Lynn came down to breakfast I had her coffee ready at her plate. She greeted me and sat down. I was at the cook top, behind and to her left, naked, as always, preparing her favorite breakfast. Lynn picked up the document and began slowly reading it. She sipped her coffee and spent forever, at least it felt like forever to me, reading the document. When she finished, she put it down and stared into space without speaking, slowly sipping her coffee. Then she picked up the document again and reread it. Drinking in the words as slowly as she sipped her coffee. I still couldn't see her face, just the back of her head and shoulders. Then I noticed that her shoulders began to shake. She took the pen and signed the document. Good, she got the joke and now we could talk. She stood up and turned around. When I saw her face she was crying, not laughing. That wasn't what was supposed to happen. This was supposed to be funny, not hurtful. I just wanted to talk about some things. May be regain a little control over my own sexuality. I didn't mean for it to hurt my beloved Lynn. What had I done? Then, she was in my arms crying thank you, thank you. That there could never be a gift so wonderful. That no diamond or other precious thing could possibly compare to this gift. It was the greatest gift one person could give another. Themselves. This was so far beyond simple wedding vows she didn't know how I ever thought of it but she really thanked me from the bottom of her heart and she would try her hardest to see that she lived up to her part of the bargain. I started to explain, "but wait a minute" I said and Lynn cut me off. Placing her fingers to my lips she said, "Shh, from here on out, you don't give orders you only obey them. You have forgotten your place already. Give me that spatula and bend over." Epilog All that happened over twenty years ago. Lynn will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary later this week. "The Document", as it's come to be called, is framed and hanging prominently on Lynn's bedroom wall. It is a living document central to our lives. Over the years Lynn has made additions and "clarifications" to it. I agree these are necessary; after all, the original was written as a joke and never meant to be the core of our marriage. I'm glad that it is though. In the beginning I fought it. Slavery was the exact opposite of what I wanted when I crafted "The Document". Lynn was as implacable and patient with me as I had been with her in the beginning. She never wavered or tired. She held me accountable to every last detail in it. She liberally applied love and discipline in equal measure until I lost sight of which was which, and stopped caring. I came to realize that "After the Spanking" she never acted out of anger or spite. She always had "The Document" and my best interests at heart. In the end I have learned to not just accept her dominion, I have learned to love it. I believe I am a better man today because of it and wouldn't have it any other way. It sometimes takes my breath away to realize I have become a living, breathing part of this amazing woman. It truly is an honor and a privilege to serve Lynn. Afterword I love Jerry to death. He is the most amazing man I have ever met. Also, the most unique. As a woman I often feel the eyes of men on me. But when I look back at them all I see is selfish lust in their eyes. Jerry has never looked at me like that. Not that he doesn't want me like other men. It is just that his desire is overwhelmed by his deep concern for my welfare. It shines in his face. His love and respect for me are total and unequivocal. He wants me as a person, not just as an object. I have always known he is totally committed to me. With Jerry I know I always come first. He has always been completely devoted to me and I have always tried to give him the things I know he really wanted in return. Ever since we first became intimate I've known that there was something different about his love for me. He was so devoted to my pleasure that, even in my inexperience I knew something was different. I knew that men didn't usually act that way, men always seemed selfish, so I guessed they would be selfish in bed too. Jerry wasn't like that. He was just the opposite. He was so unselfish that it made me stop and ask why. It took a while until I came to understand that his selflessness was a result of some deep rooted need he had but couldn't express. Slowly it dawned on me that his self-denial on my behalf was the thing he wanted from me. He needed to be denied and he wanted me to be the one denying him. That was why he gave me control of his release and had from the very first time we made love. The whole "first time" sexual experience was strange and a little frightening to me but what was really strange and unsettling at first was not just his ejaculation, but the fact that he wanted me to control it for him. I may not have had any prior experience but I felt that that wasn't right But when you really love someone and know they love you, you are willing to get out of your comfort zone if that what's needed. It took awhile but today being in control is so natural I don't think I could ever have it any other way. Because I love him so much and will do anything for him, I gradually began to withhold his pleasure. He chafed a bit at first and made macho noises, but I could tell he was glad I had taken the hint. As I began to deny him more he increased his devotion to me. Jerry would do anything I asked. Once I told him he had a great body and I liked looking at it, would he mind not wearing any clothes. He couldn't get out of them fast enough. I really only wanted him naked that one time but he has stayed naked from that day to this. He started doing little things for me that I would never dreamed of asking. Jerry began to bathe me, wash my hair, lay out my clothes, dress me, fix my meals, do the laundry, and clean the house. The more I denied him the harder he tried to please me. It was amazing and I actually began to enjoy our unusual arrangement. One day it hit me. Jerry really wanted me to relieve him of responsibility for his sexuality. All the time he was helping me to explore mine, he was also training me to take over his. I became convinced I was right. Then one day he came to me like an embarrassed little boy and confessed he had masturbated. Why tell me such a thing? I never asked him how he was able to go so long without release. I didn't care as long as he didn't do it inside me. Some how I just knew it was because he wanted to be punished for it. Jerry has been so very good to me how could I deny him what he wanted so badly. I spanked him. I spanked him thoroughly. I turned his tushy bright red. I purposely treated him like a bad little boy. I was scared I might be wrong and he would be angry but he wasn't. He actually seemed grateful and, if such a thing were possible, he increased his level of devotion. He loved me more because of it. I could see it in his eyes. From that moment on I knew what Jerry needed, beyond a doubt and with all the love in my heart I set about giving it to him. The more I took control the better he liked it. Finally one Sunday morning he found the courage to say what it was exactly that he wanted from me. He still couldn't bring himself to speak the words out loud so he wrote them in a beautiful letter that I later had him frame and hang on my bedroom wall. In the letter Jerry completely gave up all responsibility for his sexuality and gave me permission to deny him any sexual gratification ever again. As unbelievable as it sounds he wanted to be my slave. I was so overcome by the trust and love he had to have in me to share such a dark, humiliating and painful secret, I cried. What man could ever admit that he wanted to be a personal slave to a woman? I really wanted a husband, not a wimp but he has always been so wonderful to me I couldn't refuse. He loves me and is willing to sacrifice anything for me so I made the sacrifice for him. As a woman it is my nature to nurture my family and my husband. If this is the nurture he needs then its up to me to provide it. This seems like a pretty strange way to nurture anyone though, especially the part where he wanted me to spank him regularly. I hate doing it but he was earnest and so needy I couldn't say no, even to that. I made him my slave. Eventually I came to terms with the paddling and it no longer bothers me like it did at first. It has become a routine chore that must be performed weekly, like cleaning the house or doing the laundry (which of course Jerry does beautifully). I have never learned to enjoy it I just tolerate it. But Jerry has a need to be disciplined and since I don't enjoy the spanking I have had to invent different kinds of discipline. I try to make the punishment fit the crime, so to speak. For example, Jerry once forgot to replace the toilet paper roll in my bathroom. I didn't notice until I was finished. I immediately decided on an appropriate punishment. Believe me, Jerry will never forget again. He said it took him a week to get the taste out of his mouth. It has been twenty-five wonderful years we have spent together. I am living every woman's dream life. I have a man who is totally devoted to me in every way imaginable. Life isn't perfect -- who wants to turn their husband's tush red every week but on the other hand he never complains. I am never bothered by a man's constant demands for sex. I get what I want when I want it and exactly how I want it. I am never bothered by his bad moods or cynical comments about anything. If I've had a bad day I have someone to take it out on who not only doesn't mind, he likes it when I do! Jerry is always there, he waits on me hand and foot, treats me like a queen. I admit there are times I wish we had a more conventional marriage. Sometimes I think it would be nice if Jerry made some decisions for us, was a little more assertive. Whenever I have those thoughts I sit on Jerry's face and they soon pass. Besides, how could I not love this situation, I always get the last word.